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WIBTA for forcing my in-laws to get flu shots?
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my husband (25m) and i (27f) just had our first child recently! our daughter is 3 months old. due to several circumstances, we will be staying with my family for several weeks while we're between homes. my family has all been able to work from home, and have gotten flu shots this year. we don't ask that they wear masks around our daughter, we just ask them to wash their hands before holding her.
my husband's family is in the same area, and all work outside of the house, and do not get flu shots. when we see them, we ask them to wear masks around our daughter per her doctor's recommendation. i plan to tell them that we are asking everyone who wants to see our daughter while we are in the area for a few weeks to get a flu shot. my husband pointed out that since they of course would want to see their granddaughter/niece, we would essentially be forcing them to get flu shots. none of them are immunocompromised or have any other reason not to get a flu shot.
obviously i'm going to listen to my daughter's doctor and not risk her health so i'm standing firm in this decision. (
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jr9brh/wibta_for_forcing_my_inlaws_to_get_flu_shots/
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2020-11-09 23:39:33
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nta! my son is due in three weeks and i’m making anyone who wants to see him get tested for covid or quarantine for 2 weeks. plus wear a mask!
you’re not asking a lot!
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nta. your only concern should be your daughter and not the feelings of grown adults. though i’m biased and also have a newborn. i’m making people have flu shot and wear masks and wash hands to hold him. and no smoke filled clothes. any smokers are being asked to come in fresh clothes and extra washes of hands because second hand smoke increases the risk of sids.
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nta you should insist they get the flu vaccine as well as the tdap vaccine (protects against pertussis). your wife probably received the tdap vaccine during pregnancy to protect your baby against pertussis. covid can be devastating for a newborn and new mother. i would absolutely restrict access to your baby. your baby and your health is more important than adults’ wants and feelings. (am an rn)
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nah. its honestly for their safety as well. if they dont want to, they dont have to see the baby. simple.
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nta. you have every right to set boundaries concerning who comes in contact with your little one. they also have every right to say no thanks and not visit.
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nta - if it's safe for them to get the shot, they should be more than happy to keep the new family member as safe as possible.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.001294 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband (25m) and i (27f) just had our first child recently! our daughter is 3 months old. due to several circumstances, we will be staying with my family for several weeks while we're between homes. my family has all been able to work from home, and have gotten flu shots this year. we don't ask that they wear masks around our daughter, we just ask them to wash their hands before holding her. my husband's family is in the same area, and all work outside of the house, and do not get flu shots. when we see them, we ask them to wear masks around our daughter per her doctor's recommendation. i plan to tell them that we are asking everyone who wants to see our daughter while we are in the area for a few weeks to get a flu shot. my husband pointed out that since they of course would want to see their granddaughter/niece, we would essentially be forcing them to get flu shots. none of them are immunocompromised or have any other reason not to get a flu shot. obviously i'm going to listen to my daughter's doctor and not risk her health so i'm standing firm in this decision. (
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband (25m) and i (27f) just had our first child recently! our daughter is 3 months old. due to several circumstances, we will be staying with my family for several weeks while we're between homes. my family has all been able to work from home, and have gotten flu shots this year. we don't ask that they wear masks around our daughter, we just ask them to wash their hands before holding her. my husband's family is in the same area, and all work outside of the house, and do not get flu shots. when we see them, we ask them to wear masks around our daughter per her doctor's recommendation. i plan to tell them that we are asking everyone who wants to see our daughter while we are in the area for a few weeks to get a flu shot. my husband pointed out that since they of course would want to see their granddaughter/niece, we would essentially be forcing them to get flu shots. none of them are immunocompromised or have any other reason not to get a flu shot. obviously i'm going to listen to my daughter's doctor and not risk her health so i'm standing firm in this decision. ( [/INST] nta! my son is due in three weeks and i’m making anyone who wants to see him get tested for covid or quarantine for 2 weeks. plus wear a mask! you’re not asking a lot! </s>
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AITA for telling my MIL that if she refused to listen to me she can’t stay the night anymore?
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my (37f) mil (70) had a great relationship until my husband and i had kids. i get frustrated because i feel like no matter what i say, she doesn’t listen and acts like the kids are made of glass and only she knows how to look after them. a bit hard to swallow for me given that she:
didn’t raise my husband until he was a toddler (left him with her parents so she could work abroad)
didn’t know that babies need to be burped after feeding (i had to show her how & explain why)
insists that i should formula feed for the health of my children (and she’s a retired nurse!)
when my older boy was a baby she came into our room at night when he cried - without knocking- because she “thought she could help”. he’d been crying less than a full minute, we were just changing him before i fed him. i had my boobs out and was not happy. my husband and i both spoke to her. this was not an isolated incident.
last night, my younger was crying. he’s 16 months, so doesn’t really need to feed, but sometimes won’t settle back. usually i let him cry for 2-3 minutes because he’ll sometimes self settle and if he doesn’t i go in to comfort and feed him. he won’t let anyone else comfort him at night, we’ve learned that even if my husband goes in, he will take ages to settle, whereas if i go he settles quickly.
last night when i went in, my mil was holding him, and he’d worked himself into a state. i just said “what the f?!”, took him and scowled at her. she left without saying anything. it was 3am so none of us were overly communicative.
this morning i laid into her - i wasn’t shouting, but said her son and i are the kids parents and agree on how we want to raise them, and i don’t care if she agrees, we look after them well and if she ever goes into their room like that again she won’t be welcome to stay here anymore. she visits from abroad, so it would really mean she cannot visit. she was in tears saying she just wants to help. i said to her that’s bs because if she actually wanted to help she would listen to us, what she’s doing is being self absorbed and acting like she knows best. suffice it to say, today has been tense.
i feel bad because she’s obviously very upset, and i know she has memory issues, so i don’t know for sure how much she remembers from one incident to the next, but i know she remembers the issues with my older boy and not appreciating her coming in during the night!
so aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zvmctf/aita_for_telling_my_mil_that_if_she_refused_to/
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2022-12-26 12:39:19
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nta you’re the parents, not your meddlesome mil.
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nta. it's almost impossible to maintain a healthy marriage if the in-laws are too close. having mil in your home would be quite a challenge.
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nta. regardless of what culture or country she’s coming from she’s coming to your house and disrupting your kids schedule and interfering with their sleep because she refuses to listen despite the multiple times you’ve explained it to her over the years as you’ve also mentioned in your comments.
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nta but i would say, this doesn’t read like someone who thinks you aren’t a good parent so much as someone who is over excited or wants very badly to be a part of things and just…isn’t good at it. like i suspect you’d have been relieved if you’d found she had the magical talent to soothe your son at night, but you all know she doesn’t so she needs to accept that. i think you were right to communicate what you were thinking so she has a chance to change her behavior and keep the relationship. i never like when people bottle up and then explode about the problems. you speaking up shows you do want to be able to have her around, just not at the expense of your kid.
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nta. you actually handled that well. you are reinforcing boundaries.
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nta
if she has memory issues she should never be alone with your child
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nta
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (37f) mil (70) had a great relationship until my husband and i had kids. i get frustrated because i feel like no matter what i say, she doesn’t listen and acts like the kids are made of glass and only she knows how to look after them. a bit hard to swallow for me given that she: didn’t raise my husband until he was a toddler (left him with her parents so she could work abroad) didn’t know that babies need to be burped after feeding (i had to show her how & explain why) insists that i should formula feed for the health of my children (and she’s a retired nurse!) when my older boy was a baby she came into our room at night when he cried - without knocking- because she “thought she could help”. he’d been crying less than a full minute, we were just changing him before i fed him. i had my boobs out and was not happy. my husband and i both spoke to her. this was not an isolated incident. last night, my younger was crying. he’s 16 months, so doesn’t really need to feed, but sometimes won’t settle back. usually i let him cry for 2-3 minutes because he’ll sometimes self settle and if he doesn’t i go in to comfort and feed him. he won’t let anyone else comfort him at night, we’ve learned that even if my husband goes in, he will take ages to settle, whereas if i go he settles quickly. last night when i went in, my mil was holding him, and he’d worked himself into a state. i just said “what the f?!”, took him and scowled at her. she left without saying anything. it was 3am so none of us were overly communicative. this morning i laid into her - i wasn’t shouting, but said her son and i are the kids parents and agree on how we want to raise them, and i don’t care if she agrees, we look after them well and if she ever goes into their room like that again she won’t be welcome to stay here anymore. she visits from abroad, so it would really mean she cannot visit. she was in tears saying she just wants to help. i said to her that’s bs because if she actually wanted to help she would listen to us, what she’s doing is being self absorbed and acting like she knows best. suffice it to say, today has been tense. i feel bad because she’s obviously very upset, and i know she has memory issues, so i don’t know for sure how much she remembers from one incident to the next, but i know she remembers the issues with my older boy and not appreciating her coming in during the night! so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (37f) mil (70) had a great relationship until my husband and i had kids. i get frustrated because i feel like no matter what i say, she doesn’t listen and acts like the kids are made of glass and only she knows how to look after them. a bit hard to swallow for me given that she: didn’t raise my husband until he was a toddler (left him with her parents so she could work abroad) didn’t know that babies need to be burped after feeding (i had to show her how & explain why) insists that i should formula feed for the health of my children (and she’s a retired nurse!) when my older boy was a baby she came into our room at night when he cried - without knocking- because she “thought she could help”. he’d been crying less than a full minute, we were just changing him before i fed him. i had my boobs out and was not happy. my husband and i both spoke to her. this was not an isolated incident. last night, my younger was crying. he’s 16 months, so doesn’t really need to feed, but sometimes won’t settle back. usually i let him cry for 2-3 minutes because he’ll sometimes self settle and if he doesn’t i go in to comfort and feed him. he won’t let anyone else comfort him at night, we’ve learned that even if my husband goes in, he will take ages to settle, whereas if i go he settles quickly. last night when i went in, my mil was holding him, and he’d worked himself into a state. i just said “what the f?!”, took him and scowled at her. she left without saying anything. it was 3am so none of us were overly communicative. this morning i laid into her - i wasn’t shouting, but said her son and i are the kids parents and agree on how we want to raise them, and i don’t care if she agrees, we look after them well and if she ever goes into their room like that again she won’t be welcome to stay here anymore. she visits from abroad, so it would really mean she cannot visit. she was in tears saying she just wants to help. i said to her that’s bs because if she actually wanted to help she would listen to us, what she’s doing is being self absorbed and acting like she knows best. suffice it to say, today has been tense. i feel bad because she’s obviously very upset, and i know she has memory issues, so i don’t know for sure how much she remembers from one incident to the next, but i know she remembers the issues with my older boy and not appreciating her coming in during the night! so aita? [/INST] nta you’re the parents, not your meddlesome mil. </s>
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WIBTA to make my best friend pay for the trip we were supposed to take but didnt?
|
my best friend since high school and i were supposed to go on a camping trip about 4 hours away. when i reserved the spot, i asked if she could help pay part of it and she agreed but she didn't pay but since she's my best friend, i let it go because it was supposed to be our first time ever going to the smokey mountains and.. she's my best friend, the one person i could go to for anything and vice versa i thought . 3 hours before we were supposed to leave on the trip, i called her to make sure she was up, but no answer. i texted her about 30 minutes before we were supposed to leave that she needs to be up here so we can check in on time. she only sent back "omfg" but never did text me back afterwards. i've been calling her all day letting her know the cars packed and i had everything ready. she does not answer and even declined my calls. she's been posting on her snapchat story all day while i was calling her. upon cancelling the trip last minute of course there's no returned money so i'm out $200. i'm extremely pissed. would i be the asshole if i told her she owed me money for the reserved spot we didn't go to?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mgyx45/wibta_to_make_my_best_friend_pay_for_the_trip_we/
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2021-03-31 05:22:22
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nta.
oh dear, how old is she ? whatever, that's pretty immature from her. irresponsible too.
i know that's harsh, but are you sure you actually need her in your life ? she doesn't seem to care that much about you.
keep going op, get your money back and don't worry, you'll meet better friends soon enough.
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nta
but you are never seeing this money. get rid of the asshole and find a better friend.
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nta. you wouldn’t be the asshole but you’re not going to get your money back. earlier in your post you said she didn’t pay you when she was supposed to and you just let it go. seems like there’s something else going on here that you haven’t mentioned and a lack of communication. go on the trip yourself.
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nta at all. she agreed to split the cost and then ghosted you. that's an asshole move on multiple levels.
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nta. get your money and then reconsider this “friendship”.
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nta! it doesn't sound like your "friend" values you or your friendship at all. unless there was some sort of emergency where she was unable to access her phone or contact you at all (which is extremely unlikely given her omfg text and snapchats) then her behavior was horrid and you deserve much better.
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nta because she ghosted you, so she needs to pay you back. i would reconsider that friendship though because i had a friend just like her. except i had to stop being friends with them because they were just really using me.
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nta,
unless she comes up with a very good reason to cancel that you are not yet aware of then you should totally charge her.
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nta - she may be your best friend, but you are not hers.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my best friend since high school and i were supposed to go on a camping trip about 4 hours away. when i reserved the spot, i asked if she could help pay part of it and she agreed but she didn't pay but since she's my best friend, i let it go because it was supposed to be our first time ever going to the smokey mountains and.. she's my best friend, the one person i could go to for anything and vice versa i thought . 3 hours before we were supposed to leave on the trip, i called her to make sure she was up, but no answer. i texted her about 30 minutes before we were supposed to leave that she needs to be up here so we can check in on time. she only sent back "omfg" but never did text me back afterwards. i've been calling her all day letting her know the cars packed and i had everything ready. she does not answer and even declined my calls. she's been posting on her snapchat story all day while i was calling her. upon cancelling the trip last minute of course there's no returned money so i'm out $200. i'm extremely pissed. would i be the asshole if i told her she owed me money for the reserved spot we didn't go to?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my best friend since high school and i were supposed to go on a camping trip about 4 hours away. when i reserved the spot, i asked if she could help pay part of it and she agreed but she didn't pay but since she's my best friend, i let it go because it was supposed to be our first time ever going to the smokey mountains and.. she's my best friend, the one person i could go to for anything and vice versa i thought . 3 hours before we were supposed to leave on the trip, i called her to make sure she was up, but no answer. i texted her about 30 minutes before we were supposed to leave that she needs to be up here so we can check in on time. she only sent back "omfg" but never did text me back afterwards. i've been calling her all day letting her know the cars packed and i had everything ready. she does not answer and even declined my calls. she's been posting on her snapchat story all day while i was calling her. upon cancelling the trip last minute of course there's no returned money so i'm out $200. i'm extremely pissed. would i be the asshole if i told her she owed me money for the reserved spot we didn't go to? [/INST] nta. oh dear, how old is she ? whatever, that's pretty immature from her. irresponsible too. i know that's harsh, but are you sure you actually need her in your life ? she doesn't seem to care that much about you. keep going op, get your money back and don't worry, you'll meet better friends soon enough. </s>
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WIBTA for refusing to go to family dinner?
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i have had an absolutely brutal coconut allergy my entire life, and my family used to all be aware of this. however, a few months ago, my oldest cousin went all in on the plant-based health food diet. i wouldn't care about this except every new plant meat, plant butter, etc. all have coconut oil in them, and she keeps trying to feed me them whenever it's her turn to cook for a family gathering.
she says she just forgets, but with how many times this has happened, i'm starting to think she just doesn't care as long as she gets everyone else to eat her way.
her turn to cook is coming up again in a few weeks and i really don't to deal with her "forgetting" again, leaving me very little options of what to eat. i've already said i don't want to go, but other family members are trying to wheedle me into "not picking a fight". the only one actually on my side is my mother, because she has food allergies of her own (she's been lucky enough so far that none of them align with my cousin's cooking).
aita for putting my foot down and refusing to go anymore when my cousin cooks?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ezc5ic/wibta_for_refusing_to_go_to_family_dinner/
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2020-02-05 16:33:24
|
nta-you aren’t picking a fight. you are trying to avoid having very little that you are able to eat or risking getting fed something that will cause you harm.
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nta.
bring your own food to family things, that way you're still around, but you're not subjecting yourself to an *actual* poisoning from your cousin.
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nta -- just say no.
"i'm sorry i won't be able to go to dinners when coconutcousin's cooking. i'm looking forward to seeing you next time!"
repeat as necessary.
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nta. your cousin either needs to learn to cook coconut free, or needs to let someone else make you food, or you should be allowed to miss out on those gatherings.
you’re allergic, it’s not unreasonable for you to not want to go to dinner.
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nta
if you’re presenting this accurately, it sounds like your cousins being passive aggressive and just trying to exercise a certain amount of control, which isn’t always a bad thing especially if she’s going to cook for your family
obviously the problem here is that you have a health issue that she’s choosing to ignore because it would get in the way of what she wants to do
it’s always difficult to be the bigger person in the situation like this when someone is obviously being petty and silly, but it might be who’ve you if you care about your family to email her privately and say that you’ve been very concerned because this is happened a number of times and it’s really uncomfortable and painful when she makes a “mistake”
if she reacts poorly or chooses to ignore you then by all means you’re in the right to say hey i tried to talk to her about it she didn’t want to engage, or she didn’t want to do what i asked and this makes me very physically uncomfortable so i’m simply not going to come
of course the difficult part comes in having to deal with the way everyone reacts. in general, as an adult you need to be willing to let people have their reactions and simply live with them if their reactions are not rational or they ignore your concerns.
that’s part of adult life, sad but true.
like a lot of these posts, it doesn’t sound so much like you’re worried about the ethical conundrum of not going to your familydinner, but more that you’re concerned about what their reaction is going to be
and the answer to that is you’re going to have to live with their reaction, do what’s best for you and let the chips fall where they may
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[deleted]
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nta at all. what she’s doing is disrespectful- care for your health even if she won’t
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have had an absolutely brutal coconut allergy my entire life, and my family used to all be aware of this. however, a few months ago, my oldest cousin went all in on the plant-based health food diet. i wouldn't care about this except every new plant meat, plant butter, etc. all have coconut oil in them, and she keeps trying to feed me them whenever it's her turn to cook for a family gathering. she says she just forgets, but with how many times this has happened, i'm starting to think she just doesn't care as long as she gets everyone else to eat her way. her turn to cook is coming up again in a few weeks and i really don't to deal with her "forgetting" again, leaving me very little options of what to eat. i've already said i don't want to go, but other family members are trying to wheedle me into "not picking a fight". the only one actually on my side is my mother, because she has food allergies of her own (she's been lucky enough so far that none of them align with my cousin's cooking). aita for putting my foot down and refusing to go anymore when my cousin cooks?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have had an absolutely brutal coconut allergy my entire life, and my family used to all be aware of this. however, a few months ago, my oldest cousin went all in on the plant-based health food diet. i wouldn't care about this except every new plant meat, plant butter, etc. all have coconut oil in them, and she keeps trying to feed me them whenever it's her turn to cook for a family gathering. she says she just forgets, but with how many times this has happened, i'm starting to think she just doesn't care as long as she gets everyone else to eat her way. her turn to cook is coming up again in a few weeks and i really don't to deal with her "forgetting" again, leaving me very little options of what to eat. i've already said i don't want to go, but other family members are trying to wheedle me into "not picking a fight". the only one actually on my side is my mother, because she has food allergies of her own (she's been lucky enough so far that none of them align with my cousin's cooking). aita for putting my foot down and refusing to go anymore when my cousin cooks? [/INST] nta-you aren’t picking a fight. you are trying to avoid having very little that you are able to eat or risking getting fed something that will cause you harm. </s>
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AITA for throwing away my parents cigarettes?
|
i'm a 15 year old male, and whenever i see my parents cigarettes just laying around i crush them and throw them away. i threw them away once without crushing them and they dug them out. i only do this because what they are doing what killed my grandfather and i don't want to see them the same way. they told me i'm being a dick whenever they found out. aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zeknwx/aita_for_throwing_away_my_parents_cigarettes/
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2022-12-06 22:47:40
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yta- you're coming from a good place kid, i would've done the same. but, at the end of the day, they're adults and they can decide what they spend their money on.
both my parents had smoked for decades and finally stopped after realizing how much time and money they're dedicating to it.
talk to your parents, tell them your concerns, and ask if they're willing to put in the effort so they can be around for you as long as possible.
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yta. you know that won't make them quit smoking right? it just makes them have to go buy more, which they will. you're essentially just throwing their money away, which is rude. stop it. if they want to smoke that is their decision. you can grow up and be better and not smoke yourself. but this behavior is futile and disrespectful.
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yta for not respecting their choices. smoking is bad, sure, but talk with them. they won't quit because you threw away their cigarettes, it'll only cost them more.
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let's change it around and put the shoe on the other foot.
on a weekly basis, you buy a prepaid card for a video game system, fortnite bucks or whatever. parents find it, say you're killing yourself spending so much time playing video games (whether you play video games or not) and they cut it up with a pair of scissors so it's basically unusable and toss it.
would they be ta?
you may be ta here. cigarettes aren't cheap, and they're very very hard to quit.
if you want to help them, then start with conversations expressing concern. move onto threats even, but i don't feel like you have the right to basically burn their money.
-edited to add the following -
my parents smoked for the first 20 years of my life. they only quit once they decided to, and put their minds to it.
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yta. don't touch/destroy other people's stuff regardless of your reasons.
i have a relative that died from diabetes. would it be cool if i threw away all of your snacks?
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yta. i get the sentiment, but you throwing away their cigarettes is not going to do anything to convince them to quit. if it was that simple they most likely would have quit years ago.
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yes you are the asshole. i’m sorry, bud.
i used to do that to my mom when i was your age cause i thought it would help her quit. long story short, that will never help a smoker quit. i understand your frustration but destroying the cigs your parents bought won’t make them quit. all it does if forces them to go out buy more, and therefore spend more money than they already are. it’s an expensive habit. there are other more effective ways to help them quit. talk to them about it. recommend books or nicotine patches etc.. at the end of they day they are adults that can make there own choices. all you can do is encourage them to quit smoking and destroying their cigarettes won’t help.
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this isn't going to solve anything. they're just going to buy more because the root cause isn't being addressed.
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yes, unfortunately, yta.
they are adults and are legally allowed to smoke. especially you don't have the right to damage or throw away what they've paid for.
i agree that it is a terrible and disgusting habit.
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yta stop touching other people’s things.
smoking is bad for you fine, and so is drinking, sugary based snacks, pizza, drugs, the list is literally endless but you don’t see other people destroying everything that they don’t agree with.
i get it’s coming from a good place, but the people who said “just talk to them” also don’t know what they’re talking about, it wont make them quit.
when someone quits something like smoking they have to do it for themselves and nobody else.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a 15 year old male, and whenever i see my parents cigarettes just laying around i crush them and throw them away. i threw them away once without crushing them and they dug them out. i only do this because what they are doing what killed my grandfather and i don't want to see them the same way. they told me i'm being a dick whenever they found out. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a 15 year old male, and whenever i see my parents cigarettes just laying around i crush them and throw them away. i threw them away once without crushing them and they dug them out. i only do this because what they are doing what killed my grandfather and i don't want to see them the same way. they told me i'm being a dick whenever they found out. aita? [/INST] yta- you're coming from a good place kid, i would've done the same. but, at the end of the day, they're adults and they can decide what they spend their money on. both my parents had smoked for decades and finally stopped after realizing how much time and money they're dedicating to it. talk to your parents, tell them your concerns, and ask if they're willing to put in the effort so they can be around for you as long as possible. </s>
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AITA for not allowing visitors after I give birth?
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i’m currently 33 weeks pregnant and my due date is in early february. i planned on having my mother & my baby daddy in the room for labour and delivery. i asked my mother if she could not tell anyone that i’m in labour when the time comes. i would like to have the time in the hospital with just my baby daddy & my baby. i’m a first time mom and i know birth can be an exhausting/ traumatic thing so i’d like that time to unwind and be in my bubble without people coming in and out overwhelming me. i’d make an
exception for the baby’s grandparents but that’s it. my other reason for this is i’m supposed to deliver during cold & flu season. newborns immune systems are very weak and rsv in babies has been very bad this year and i’m not comfortable risking it. so i asked my mother if she could not tell anyone when i fall into labour. she told me no, she’s at least going to tell my grandmother. i told her no, if she does that then my grandma will come to the hospital, and i do not want any visitors other than the baby’s grandparents. my mother said “you’re such a tool. you can be the one to tell her you don’t want her there than” i said i’d gladly tell her. my sister, who’s been listening the whole time, then said she’s coming home around my due date to be there at the hospital whether i like it or not. i told her i’d have her escorted out. my mother started to get angry and yelled “why can’t you just be normal?”
i said it’s cold & flu season then my sister said “that’s just an excuse. she’s just being like this for the sake of being like this” i told my sister to shut the fuck up and that im sick of her attitude towards me all the time. (my sister has always been very hateful towards me and loves to shoot passive aggressive & direct insults at me for no reason) my father then cut in saying im the only one with an attitude and that it’s not normal to not want any visitors at the hospital. i said it’s very normal and they’re all being very rude. my mother said i just don’t want my baby to be celebrated. i said that’s not true i just don’t want any visitors of extended family for the first two weeks of the baby’s life. my sister then said “i guess if she doesn’t want her baby celebrated then we don’t need to throw her a baby shower to celebrate it.”
my mum then agreed and said they’re not throwing the baby shower for me anymore. (my baby shower is supposed to be in three weeks) i honestly had nothing else to say at that point so i just sat there for a few minutes then walked down to my basement apartment & started to cry. i now plan to tell my baby daddy and baby daddy only when im in labour, and it will be only him in the delivery room. i am not going to tell my mother this to avoid another argument like this. i just don’t understand. aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ztohy6/aita_for_not_allowing_visitors_after_i_give_birth/
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2022-12-23 18:03:57
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nta-birth is not a spectator sport and you do not owe anyone in your extended family the right to visit you and your child in the hospital. you’re doing what is best for you and your baby.
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nta - you are giving birth and making your child's health your top priority. the benefit of this experience is you know what they will and will not do. if this makes you feel very alone and not respected, i understand. control what you can and let other things go. best to you and your little one.
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it's up to you what visitors you have when your newborn is small. some people want visitors. some people don't want visitors. some people have overbearing ah families.
nta
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nta. protect your baby first.
my wife and i are having our first baby in january and we are basically going back into early pandemic quarantine. only people i expect to be able to visit the baby is our parent until the baby can be vaccinated (6 months). i'll send pictures and go on zoom calls, but i'm not letting people near him without rigorous screening/covid testing first.
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nta. and unless you move out to your own place, it's going to be hell raising your kid in that family. expect a very sick baby.
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nta. you are giving birth. your rules. besides the hospital may have visitation rules in place. our local hospitals do here.
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nta. wow, your entire family sounds awful. they are jabbing at you and winding you up just because they can.
i hope you have an otherwise good support system, op, and can get away from them sooner rather than later, because this is not normal by any stretch of the imagination.
also, even if you are being "too careful" - and i don't think that you are - so what? people have to wait a few extra days to see your new baby. they need to get over themselves.
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nta
don't buckle for the baby shower, call their bluff.
i would reach out to a friend or let your attendees know that you will set up a virtual one, if they cancel it.
it's in 3 weeks and if they cancel on a venue or catering they would lose money. if they are willing to cancel this to punish you for not giving in, then i wouldn't tell them when you are in labor or when the baby arrives
they don't get rewarded for this bs
you don't negotiate with terrorists
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nta
congratulations on your first baby! setting boundaries with family is hard, they almost never take well to it so good for you for putting yours and your baby’s well-being first. your family sounds awful and i’m not sure why you wanted your mom there in the first place. enjoy the newborn bubble with your baby daddy.
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nta . giving birth is a very personal thing and you are entitled to have things as you wish.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m currently 33 weeks pregnant and my due date is in early february. i planned on having my mother & my baby daddy in the room for labour and delivery. i asked my mother if she could not tell anyone that i’m in labour when the time comes. i would like to have the time in the hospital with just my baby daddy & my baby. i’m a first time mom and i know birth can be an exhausting/ traumatic thing so i’d like that time to unwind and be in my bubble without people coming in and out overwhelming me. i’d make an exception for the baby’s grandparents but that’s it. my other reason for this is i’m supposed to deliver during cold & flu season. newborns immune systems are very weak and rsv in babies has been very bad this year and i’m not comfortable risking it. so i asked my mother if she could not tell anyone when i fall into labour. she told me no, she’s at least going to tell my grandmother. i told her no, if she does that then my grandma will come to the hospital, and i do not want any visitors other than the baby’s grandparents. my mother said “you’re such a tool. you can be the one to tell her you don’t want her there than” i said i’d gladly tell her. my sister, who’s been listening the whole time, then said she’s coming home around my due date to be there at the hospital whether i like it or not. i told her i’d have her escorted out. my mother started to get angry and yelled “why can’t you just be normal?” i said it’s cold & flu season then my sister said “that’s just an excuse. she’s just being like this for the sake of being like this” i told my sister to shut the fuck up and that im sick of her attitude towards me all the time. (my sister has always been very hateful towards me and loves to shoot passive aggressive & direct insults at me for no reason) my father then cut in saying im the only one with an attitude and that it’s not normal to not want any visitors at the hospital. i said it’s very normal and they’re all being very rude. my mother said i just don’t want my baby to be celebrated. i said that’s not true i just don’t want any visitors of extended family for the first two weeks of the baby’s life. my sister then said “i guess if she doesn’t want her baby celebrated then we don’t need to throw her a baby shower to celebrate it.” my mum then agreed and said they’re not throwing the baby shower for me anymore. (my baby shower is supposed to be in three weeks) i honestly had nothing else to say at that point so i just sat there for a few minutes then walked down to my basement apartment & started to cry. i now plan to tell my baby daddy and baby daddy only when im in labour, and it will be only him in the delivery room. i am not going to tell my mother this to avoid another argument like this. i just don’t understand. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m currently 33 weeks pregnant and my due date is in early february. i planned on having my mother & my baby daddy in the room for labour and delivery. i asked my mother if she could not tell anyone that i’m in labour when the time comes. i would like to have the time in the hospital with just my baby daddy & my baby. i’m a first time mom and i know birth can be an exhausting/ traumatic thing so i’d like that time to unwind and be in my bubble without people coming in and out overwhelming me. i’d make an exception for the baby’s grandparents but that’s it. my other reason for this is i’m supposed to deliver during cold & flu season. newborns immune systems are very weak and rsv in babies has been very bad this year and i’m not comfortable risking it. so i asked my mother if she could not tell anyone when i fall into labour. she told me no, she’s at least going to tell my grandmother. i told her no, if she does that then my grandma will come to the hospital, and i do not want any visitors other than the baby’s grandparents. my mother said “you’re such a tool. you can be the one to tell her you don’t want her there than” i said i’d gladly tell her. my sister, who’s been listening the whole time, then said she’s coming home around my due date to be there at the hospital whether i like it or not. i told her i’d have her escorted out. my mother started to get angry and yelled “why can’t you just be normal?” i said it’s cold & flu season then my sister said “that’s just an excuse. she’s just being like this for the sake of being like this” i told my sister to shut the fuck up and that im sick of her attitude towards me all the time. (my sister has always been very hateful towards me and loves to shoot passive aggressive & direct insults at me for no reason) my father then cut in saying im the only one with an attitude and that it’s not normal to not want any visitors at the hospital. i said it’s very normal and they’re all being very rude. my mother said i just don’t want my baby to be celebrated. i said that’s not true i just don’t want any visitors of extended family for the first two weeks of the baby’s life. my sister then said “i guess if she doesn’t want her baby celebrated then we don’t need to throw her a baby shower to celebrate it.” my mum then agreed and said they’re not throwing the baby shower for me anymore. (my baby shower is supposed to be in three weeks) i honestly had nothing else to say at that point so i just sat there for a few minutes then walked down to my basement apartment & started to cry. i now plan to tell my baby daddy and baby daddy only when im in labour, and it will be only him in the delivery room. i am not going to tell my mother this to avoid another argument like this. i just don’t understand. aita? [/INST] nta-birth is not a spectator sport and you do not owe anyone in your extended family the right to visit you and your child in the hospital. you’re doing what is best for you and your baby. </s>
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AITA for refusing to wear a dress?
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i'm a 19f, and next month my family and i are going to france to visit family. while we're there we will be attending my cousin's first communion. my aunt and uncle want everyone to wear white, which seems weird (i'm not catholic so idk but maybe this is normal?). females have to wear a white dress and males have to wear a white shirt and black pants. there's no particular reason for this other than "girls should wear dresses". i'm a but if a tomboy and have been phasing dresses from my wardrobe in favor of dress pants and blouses which feel more comfortable, so i naturally rebelled when i heard the conditions. long story short, my aunt and uncle relented and i can wear white pants/shirt.
my mom thinks i blew it out of proportion and should have sucked it up and worn the dress because now we have to go buy an appropriate outfit, when buying a dress would have been easier, and now my family (most of whom i will be meeting for the first time) is going to think i'm weird for preferring pants. she's been really harping on me about it and i've started to feel kind of bad and like i'm making the wrong impression for being demanding. aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c6n9ig/aita_for_refusing_to_wear_a_dress/
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2019-06-28 17:49:08
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nta. on the upside, you might actually wear the communion clothes again in the future this way. your mom is living in the past.
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nah, i can understand your point of view, not wanting to be restricted and forced into wearing something you don't want to, but can also understand your uncles, aunts and moms, your uncle and aunt clearly want to respect their faith, but yielded when you realised you didn't follow their same mindset which was extremely mature, and you're mom wasn't anticipating it and is slightly annoyed that she has to go out and buy something else. but there aren't really any assholes
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nah. they asked you to wear a dress. you asked to not wear a dress. they said its okay. everything is cool. nothing wrong with dressing in a way that makes you comfortable
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nta. it's 2019.
>white pants/shirt
sounds really smart.
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nta i'm catholic and the little girls getting their first communion wear white, but not everyone else... we definitely dress up, though. i'd say go with smart trousers and a nice blouse/shirt, possibly with a blazer, which i'm pretty sure is what my (very catholic) aunt wore to my first communion back in the day.
may be a cultural thing, but i do live very close to the border to france and have literally never heard of this being a thing.
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yta - only because you have made everyone expend energy on something that should have been a non-issue. this event is not about you, you were invited to share a special event with your family. there are always going to be events for which we have to wear something that we normally wouldnt and may not like. we do this out of respect for others and it is not that big of a deal. don't worry so much about the small stuff, you will ultimately be happier...
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nta the dress thing is just arbitrary and it's their problem for thinking it weird for a girl to wear pants.
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.124463 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a 19f, and next month my family and i are going to france to visit family. while we're there we will be attending my cousin's first communion. my aunt and uncle want everyone to wear white, which seems weird (i'm not catholic so idk but maybe this is normal?). females have to wear a white dress and males have to wear a white shirt and black pants. there's no particular reason for this other than "girls should wear dresses". i'm a but if a tomboy and have been phasing dresses from my wardrobe in favor of dress pants and blouses which feel more comfortable, so i naturally rebelled when i heard the conditions. long story short, my aunt and uncle relented and i can wear white pants/shirt. my mom thinks i blew it out of proportion and should have sucked it up and worn the dress because now we have to go buy an appropriate outfit, when buying a dress would have been easier, and now my family (most of whom i will be meeting for the first time) is going to think i'm weird for preferring pants. she's been really harping on me about it and i've started to feel kind of bad and like i'm making the wrong impression for being demanding. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a 19f, and next month my family and i are going to france to visit family. while we're there we will be attending my cousin's first communion. my aunt and uncle want everyone to wear white, which seems weird (i'm not catholic so idk but maybe this is normal?). females have to wear a white dress and males have to wear a white shirt and black pants. there's no particular reason for this other than "girls should wear dresses". i'm a but if a tomboy and have been phasing dresses from my wardrobe in favor of dress pants and blouses which feel more comfortable, so i naturally rebelled when i heard the conditions. long story short, my aunt and uncle relented and i can wear white pants/shirt. my mom thinks i blew it out of proportion and should have sucked it up and worn the dress because now we have to go buy an appropriate outfit, when buying a dress would have been easier, and now my family (most of whom i will be meeting for the first time) is going to think i'm weird for preferring pants. she's been really harping on me about it and i've started to feel kind of bad and like i'm making the wrong impression for being demanding. aita? [/INST] nta. on the upside, you might actually wear the communion clothes again in the future this way. your mom is living in the past. </s>
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AITA for accidentally misgendering someone
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i know a person called zen, who changes their (this is the pronoun that they have asked me to call them by most recently) pronouns very often, maybe once a week? and it’s very confusing so i have messed up a few times. i have accidentally called them “he” when they would have preferred “she” that day. zen tends to get very angry when this happens and even when i apologise and say i didn’t realise that it had changed they get even more angry. i just don’t know what to do in this situation. am i supposed to ask every time i see them what pronouns they want me to use that day? they have told me that i’m insensitive and that i’m transphobic. i’m not transphobic! i have nothing against trans people, i respect them immensely.
aita here?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/emzhm2/aita_for_accidentally_misgendering_someone/
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2020-01-10 23:55:05
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nta... it doesn’t sound very... zen of them to get upset
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nta. i would just call them their name and stop interacting with them as much as possible. they sound insufferable.
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nta, if they change their pronouns so often they could tell you at the beginning of the day to prevent confusion if a small honest mistake offends them so much.
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nta
to be honest zen sounds like pretentious prick to me
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shitpost
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nta
this person sounds utterly exhausting.
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nta
having pronoun preferences if fine. changing those preferences so frequently and expecting others to keep track of it, then being pissy when a person genuinely trying to keep track makes a mistake, wasn't updated, or simply doesn't recall an update or change is an a-hole move on their part.
your friend is getting far too bent out of shape over a simple mistake. instead of being an ass, zen ought to chill and just update you on the pronoun of the day instead of sassing you and being verbally abusive by calling you transphobic when you are very obviously trying your best for them.
maybe you ought to talk to your friend about how this kind of thing makes you feel ( if you haven't already).
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info: how old are y’all?
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shitpost
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nta. that is really weird to be expecting people to just know if you are he or she that day. people should be able to ask for specific pronouns but changing preferences should only be done once! just refer to them as they or them or you. avoid gendered pronouns completely.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know a person called zen, who changes their (this is the pronoun that they have asked me to call them by most recently) pronouns very often, maybe once a week? and it’s very confusing so i have messed up a few times. i have accidentally called them “he” when they would have preferred “she” that day. zen tends to get very angry when this happens and even when i apologise and say i didn’t realise that it had changed they get even more angry. i just don’t know what to do in this situation. am i supposed to ask every time i see them what pronouns they want me to use that day? they have told me that i’m insensitive and that i’m transphobic. i’m not transphobic! i have nothing against trans people, i respect them immensely. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i know a person called zen, who changes their (this is the pronoun that they have asked me to call them by most recently) pronouns very often, maybe once a week? and it’s very confusing so i have messed up a few times. i have accidentally called them “he” when they would have preferred “she” that day. zen tends to get very angry when this happens and even when i apologise and say i didn’t realise that it had changed they get even more angry. i just don’t know what to do in this situation. am i supposed to ask every time i see them what pronouns they want me to use that day? they have told me that i’m insensitive and that i’m transphobic. i’m not transphobic! i have nothing against trans people, i respect them immensely. aita here? [/INST] nta... it doesn’t sound very... zen of them to get upset </s>
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AITA for forcing my husband to return the new workout machine he bought behind my back?
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my husband (35n) is obssessed with his body. he suffered from an eating disorder when he was young and because his family were known to be overweight, his mom tried controlling his eating habits and messing them up. now he is in constant fear of becoming obese and has been constantly trying to lose weight. he has his own strict diet, hr doesn't sit to eat with me and the kids in fear of being triggered. he weighs himself 3-4 times a week and works out 5 times a week.
he's not athletic he.is.thin. he doesn't look healthy to me but he says he feels good about himself as long as he keeps this standard up.
he lost his job recently and i started paying for everything. we got financial hardship and he is refusing to work till he "gets his life together" regarding his lifestyle. he complained about needing a new treadmill which costs about $1,000. he tried to get me to pay for it but i refused. he promised to give the money back to me but i needed the money for the kids summer camps.
just a day ago i discovered that last week he made a $1,000 purchase via my account that he has access to. i figured it had to be the treadmill he was begging me to pay for but i looked all over the house and couldn't find it. after i confronted him he confessed and said he was keeping it at a friend's garage and uses it daily from there. i yelled at him and told him we're not doing well financially and this money was supposed to go towards our kids camp savings and needs. he told me we'll figure it out but i told him there's no "we" and he'll have to return the machine immediately. he started begging me not to do this to him but i said it was done.
he went on a rage fit accusing me of wrecking what he had spent years to build and called me selfish and unfeeling for not understanding what he's dealing with then left. he got back later and refused to eat anything til i stop demanding he return the machine.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v3ikor/aita_for_forcing_my_husband_to_return_the_new/
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2022-06-02 20:50:31
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nta your husband is _still_ suffering with an eating disorder. he needs to go to a doctor and then to therapy.
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nta but oh boy is this over reddits paygrade.
"had an eating disorder" sounds like "has an eating disorder". he may not be wasting away, but it's interfering with his functioning.
also, refusing to eat is highly manipulative and childish. he needs to talk to his doctor. now. refusing to work until he meets his physical goals is also extremely unhealthy and unfair .
you need to start at the doctor, then consider therapy if you can swing it. solo for him, marriage - both. this is wayyy deeper than an ah judgment.
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just so you know - this is also an eating disorder. he needs help asap.
and nta.
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nta
your husband needs counseling, not a treadmill. this is a luxury purchase. it might be time to leave if he doesn't get his shit together. and, if he really wants to run, he can run outside for free, i do it every morning.
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he needs therapy. so much therapy.
keep with your demand to return it and let him break himself if he needs to.
then he can hit rock bottom and get help.
nta
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nta strictly from a financial position that' money was saved and earmarked for something specific & "figure it out " isn't a viable plan its something meant to appease ppl and very rarely results in actual compensation or fair exchange when it comes time to 'figure it out' resulting in a loss for whomever was being placated.
but dude your husband doesn't have an eating disorder past tense. that is a very present tense eating disorder that's is very negatively affecting your family and more importantly your husband's quality of life.
he needs help and you need to sit down with him and figure out how to get him help. even if you end up having to stage an intervention you literally shouldn't allow this to continue for all your sakes.
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therapy and a doctor. immediately. he *still has* an eating disorder.
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nta. but your husband needs professional help.
|
this exercise is just another version of his eating disorder, he needs to get a therapist or go to a treatment program that specializes in this and show some serious progress. the treadmill needs to be returned or given away, it’s really unhealthy for him to have it… it’s the behavior of someone who is using an exercise addiction as a way of purging calories. it’s still an eating disorder.
*i say this as someone who has spent time in an inpatient eating disorder facility.*
not forcing the issue or breaking up with him is sending all sorts of unhealthy messages to your kids. it’s the kind of messed up messages that may not be showing now, but can do lots of long term damage to them by the time you start seeing the behaviors and beliefs reflected in your childrens’ relationships with food and their own bodies. not actively doing anything to limit their access to him or to force him into getting help silently confirms for them that his issues aren’t a huge issue and a health problem, but they are.
i hope you can talk to him, maybe with a couples therapist, and come up with an action plan to address his very serious issues.
nta, but you will be ta if you don’t put your foot down about him getting help now or seriously start to find a way out of the relationship. i have tons of compassion for him, but i have more compassion for children who didn’t ask to be brought into a life where appropriate relationships with food and bodies aren’t sacred above all. watching unhealthy eating habits and body dysmorphia happen to a parent can set them up for a lifetime of struggles and self hatred. sending you love and healing. please don’t take this lightly.
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y'all need to return the treadmill and use that money for a marriage counselor.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband (35n) is obssessed with his body. he suffered from an eating disorder when he was young and because his family were known to be overweight, his mom tried controlling his eating habits and messing them up. now he is in constant fear of becoming obese and has been constantly trying to lose weight. he has his own strict diet, hr doesn't sit to eat with me and the kids in fear of being triggered. he weighs himself 3-4 times a week and works out 5 times a week. he's not athletic he.is.thin. he doesn't look healthy to me but he says he feels good about himself as long as he keeps this standard up. he lost his job recently and i started paying for everything. we got financial hardship and he is refusing to work till he "gets his life together" regarding his lifestyle. he complained about needing a new treadmill which costs about $1,000. he tried to get me to pay for it but i refused. he promised to give the money back to me but i needed the money for the kids summer camps. just a day ago i discovered that last week he made a $1,000 purchase via my account that he has access to. i figured it had to be the treadmill he was begging me to pay for but i looked all over the house and couldn't find it. after i confronted him he confessed and said he was keeping it at a friend's garage and uses it daily from there. i yelled at him and told him we're not doing well financially and this money was supposed to go towards our kids camp savings and needs. he told me we'll figure it out but i told him there's no "we" and he'll have to return the machine immediately. he started begging me not to do this to him but i said it was done. he went on a rage fit accusing me of wrecking what he had spent years to build and called me selfish and unfeeling for not understanding what he's dealing with then left. he got back later and refused to eat anything til i stop demanding he return the machine.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband (35n) is obssessed with his body. he suffered from an eating disorder when he was young and because his family were known to be overweight, his mom tried controlling his eating habits and messing them up. now he is in constant fear of becoming obese and has been constantly trying to lose weight. he has his own strict diet, hr doesn't sit to eat with me and the kids in fear of being triggered. he weighs himself 3-4 times a week and works out 5 times a week. he's not athletic he.is.thin. he doesn't look healthy to me but he says he feels good about himself as long as he keeps this standard up. he lost his job recently and i started paying for everything. we got financial hardship and he is refusing to work till he "gets his life together" regarding his lifestyle. he complained about needing a new treadmill which costs about $1,000. he tried to get me to pay for it but i refused. he promised to give the money back to me but i needed the money for the kids summer camps. just a day ago i discovered that last week he made a $1,000 purchase via my account that he has access to. i figured it had to be the treadmill he was begging me to pay for but i looked all over the house and couldn't find it. after i confronted him he confessed and said he was keeping it at a friend's garage and uses it daily from there. i yelled at him and told him we're not doing well financially and this money was supposed to go towards our kids camp savings and needs. he told me we'll figure it out but i told him there's no "we" and he'll have to return the machine immediately. he started begging me not to do this to him but i said it was done. he went on a rage fit accusing me of wrecking what he had spent years to build and called me selfish and unfeeling for not understanding what he's dealing with then left. he got back later and refused to eat anything til i stop demanding he return the machine. [/INST] nta your husband is _still_ suffering with an eating disorder. he needs to go to a doctor and then to therapy. </s>
|
AITA for asking a mum to move away from the ATM
|
so i was out for my morning coffee this morning and stopped afterwards to get some cash out of the atm. just as i got to the atm there was a mother pulling up with a kid ~7 years old and a pram with (presumably) another young child in there.
as i got into line behind her (it was just me and her), she was fiddling around on her phone, not really making any effort to get her card out or anything. after about 10-15 seconds she gets the card out, but then she gets the 7 year old to press all the buttons for her, which as you can imagine took forever. she had to tell him each individual number in her pin (i had headphones in and didn't hear the numbers) and every number he'd hover his finger above it and look back up for confirmation. same for the amount, confirming, etc etc.
obviously it'd be rude to just watch the numbers intently, so partly to halt my rising frustration and out of politeness i really tuned it out. about a minute later i look up and she's back to just standing in front of the atm playing with her phone and the kid just playing with the buttons.
she'd never acknowledged my presence so i came forward and said "are you done?". i guess a lot comes down to my tone, and i was clearly a bit annoyed, and that tends to make me a bit snarky. she replied with "oh you go ahead", which i did, and was done in about 20 seconds.
as i go to leave i hear what i'm sure many of you probably suspect, "ok let's give it another go".
yeah i felt horrible, clearly she wasn't 'playing on her phone', she was doing things on her account so she could withdraw money, and i'd snarkily asked her to let me get mine done. i'd like to think it would have clicked with me sooner if not for getting the kid to press all the buttons, but i don't know.
so was i the asshole?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c7on6r/aita_for_asking_a_mum_to_move_away_from_the_atm/
|
2019-07-01 05:31:02
|
nah. everyone got their transactions done. you dashed in during a lull in the lady's more complex operation. she took up a little extra time getting her kid to help out, but i don't think she qualifies for ah status either. children are our future.
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nah
no harm intended, just a little miscommunication.
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nah
she was probably just transferring money between her account's and distracted with her possible 2 kids that she forgot about the rest of her surroundings.
|
nta.
you shouldn't have felt horrible at all. she was ta for letting her kids play with the atm while you stand there like an idiot.
for clarification: it's totally cool that she was teaching her kid life skills. but just as (if not more!) important is her teaching her kids that the world doesn't revolve around them. you let others go first if you're going to take a while.
|
nah. not your fault for not knowing she was doing things with her bank account on her phone. she didn’t notice you standing in line so she thought it was fine to let her kids have some fun.
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nta - people who fuck around at the atm are the absolute worst. get your money out as quickly as possible and get out of the way. letting your kid do it for you is annoying as fuck, especially when other people are waiting.
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nah. doesn't seem like she was annoyed, and she clearly wasn't in a hurry, plus she did the decent thing and let you play through. honestly i was all revved up to come in hot and declare her to be the asshole, because it drives me nuts when i'm behind someone in a long queue , only to see someone get to the front and then start the process of finding their card or cash in some enormous bag. but she was trying to include and educate her kid. all warm and fuzzy.
| null | null | null |
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null | null | null | 0.028811 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i was out for my morning coffee this morning and stopped afterwards to get some cash out of the atm. just as i got to the atm there was a mother pulling up with a kid ~7 years old and a pram with (presumably) another young child in there. as i got into line behind her (it was just me and her), she was fiddling around on her phone, not really making any effort to get her card out or anything. after about 10-15 seconds she gets the card out, but then she gets the 7 year old to press all the buttons for her, which as you can imagine took forever. she had to tell him each individual number in her pin (i had headphones in and didn't hear the numbers) and every number he'd hover his finger above it and look back up for confirmation. same for the amount, confirming, etc etc. obviously it'd be rude to just watch the numbers intently, so partly to halt my rising frustration and out of politeness i really tuned it out. about a minute later i look up and she's back to just standing in front of the atm playing with her phone and the kid just playing with the buttons. she'd never acknowledged my presence so i came forward and said "are you done?". i guess a lot comes down to my tone, and i was clearly a bit annoyed, and that tends to make me a bit snarky. she replied with "oh you go ahead", which i did, and was done in about 20 seconds. as i go to leave i hear what i'm sure many of you probably suspect, "ok let's give it another go". yeah i felt horrible, clearly she wasn't 'playing on her phone', she was doing things on her account so she could withdraw money, and i'd snarkily asked her to let me get mine done. i'd like to think it would have clicked with me sooner if not for getting the kid to press all the buttons, but i don't know. so was i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i was out for my morning coffee this morning and stopped afterwards to get some cash out of the atm. just as i got to the atm there was a mother pulling up with a kid ~7 years old and a pram with (presumably) another young child in there. as i got into line behind her (it was just me and her), she was fiddling around on her phone, not really making any effort to get her card out or anything. after about 10-15 seconds she gets the card out, but then she gets the 7 year old to press all the buttons for her, which as you can imagine took forever. she had to tell him each individual number in her pin (i had headphones in and didn't hear the numbers) and every number he'd hover his finger above it and look back up for confirmation. same for the amount, confirming, etc etc. obviously it'd be rude to just watch the numbers intently, so partly to halt my rising frustration and out of politeness i really tuned it out. about a minute later i look up and she's back to just standing in front of the atm playing with her phone and the kid just playing with the buttons. she'd never acknowledged my presence so i came forward and said "are you done?". i guess a lot comes down to my tone, and i was clearly a bit annoyed, and that tends to make me a bit snarky. she replied with "oh you go ahead", which i did, and was done in about 20 seconds. as i go to leave i hear what i'm sure many of you probably suspect, "ok let's give it another go". yeah i felt horrible, clearly she wasn't 'playing on her phone', she was doing things on her account so she could withdraw money, and i'd snarkily asked her to let me get mine done. i'd like to think it would have clicked with me sooner if not for getting the kid to press all the buttons, but i don't know. so was i the asshole? [/INST] nah. everyone got their transactions done. you dashed in during a lull in the lady's more complex operation. she took up a little extra time getting her kid to help out, but i don't think she qualifies for ah status either. children are our future. </s>
|
WIBTA for disliking my sister for not bringing home a laptop from the US?
|
okay, a little bit of backstory: my sister has left home (we're from asia) for college in the us (she's going to a pretty good one). our parents are paying for her college, and will also pay for mine (if i get accepted). not sure if that's relevant, but there.
now, i'm making a website and spend the majority of my time on my laptop (vaio, i3, a really craptop). i also do some video editing and photoshop. nothing too pro-level, but enough that it warrants having a decent laptop.
so, my laptops been having small but annoying issues lately, and my mother agreed to buy me a laptop as long as it wasn't too expensive. laptops are generally cheaper in the us than they are in india, so we asked my sister if she would be okay with bringing it over (she wouldn't be paying for it) when she came back for the holidays. she agreed.
now, here's the thing: my sister also got a laptop for college—an asus, a light, fast one with just 256 gb of ssd. for the non-techies here, that's not a whole lot of space you have, but the upside is that it's faster than hdd.
when i chose my laptop, i looked at the best deals, good build quality, yada yada, and came upon a really acer for $799 that gave me 128 gb ssd as well as 2 tb hdd. the downside? it's super big and clunky. the polar opposite of my sister's asus physically, but a beast inside.
when it arrived, my sister voiced her concern, saying, "nobody here has a laptop bigger than 12 inches" and that i'll "stand out". fine, whatever, i'm willing to sacrifice portability and sleekness for capability.
she relented and said all right.
now, a few days before her flight back to india, she messages me this—
>returned your laptop
>
>no one is keeping anything that bulky under my watch
>
>next one will be ssd only. get one kb of hdd and i'll return it
&#x200b;
now, i'm immediately put off by this. to me, it's not her right to choose which laptop i get, since she's not paying for it. **i'm** the one using it, i'll have to deal with it's faults.
on the other hand, i feel like a stuck-up little rich kid (our family is upper middle class, nothing fancy, just well off).
&#x200b;
so, reddit, i come to you through this post written on a vaio laptop to ask you—aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/blf1dt/wibta_for_disliking_my_sister_for_not_bringing/
|
2019-05-06 17:28:19
|
nta - it’s not up to your sister to decide what laptop you have. have you spoke to your parents about her message?
|
nta:
>"no one is keeping anything that bulky under my watch"
what is your sister's problem??? it's your laptop, not hers. this should be completely irrelevant to her.
|
nta, your laptop, your decision. additionally, as a current college student i can tell you that your sister is completely wrong. as i sit in lecture writing this i’m using a relatively large laptop, the kid in front of me is using a tablet that has a keyboard attachment, people next to me are on macs, and the rest of the class has similar variety. people in college really don’t care that much about what computers others use.
|
nta, nobody cares what computer you use, even if they did, why would it matter?
|
nta she shouldn’t be trying to control what you get. if you want it and your parents are fine with buying it for you, then it was shitty of her to return it. you should be mad. but it would be ridiculous to ruin a sibling relationship over a laptop.
|
nta
a 12 inch laptop is just an expensive facebook machine. your sister would understand that if she ever did any real work on it.
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nta. your sister is being selfish she just does not want to carry the bigger laptop on the flight. just tell her to return the one you don’t want and forget about it for now.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay, a little bit of backstory: my sister has left home (we're from asia) for college in the us (she's going to a pretty good one). our parents are paying for her college, and will also pay for mine (if i get accepted). not sure if that's relevant, but there. now, i'm making a website and spend the majority of my time on my laptop (vaio, i3, a really craptop). i also do some video editing and photoshop. nothing too pro-level, but enough that it warrants having a decent laptop. so, my laptops been having small but annoying issues lately, and my mother agreed to buy me a laptop as long as it wasn't too expensive. laptops are generally cheaper in the us than they are in india, so we asked my sister if she would be okay with bringing it over (she wouldn't be paying for it) when she came back for the holidays. she agreed. now, here's the thing: my sister also got a laptop for college—an asus, a light, fast one with just 256 gb of ssd. for the non-techies here, that's not a whole lot of space you have, but the upside is that it's faster than hdd. when i chose my laptop, i looked at the best deals, good build quality, yada yada, and came upon a really acer for $799 that gave me 128 gb ssd as well as 2 tb hdd. the downside? it's super big and clunky. the polar opposite of my sister's asus physically, but a beast inside. when it arrived, my sister voiced her concern, saying, "nobody here has a laptop bigger than 12 inches" and that i'll "stand out". fine, whatever, i'm willing to sacrifice portability and sleekness for capability. she relented and said all right. now, a few days before her flight back to india, she messages me this— >returned your laptop > >no one is keeping anything that bulky under my watch > >next one will be ssd only. get one kb of hdd and i'll return it &#x200b; now, i'm immediately put off by this. to me, it's not her right to choose which laptop i get, since she's not paying for it. **i'm** the one using it, i'll have to deal with it's faults. on the other hand, i feel like a stuck-up little rich kid (our family is upper middle class, nothing fancy, just well off). &#x200b; so, reddit, i come to you through this post written on a vaio laptop to ask you—aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay, a little bit of backstory: my sister has left home (we're from asia) for college in the us (she's going to a pretty good one). our parents are paying for her college, and will also pay for mine (if i get accepted). not sure if that's relevant, but there. now, i'm making a website and spend the majority of my time on my laptop (vaio, i3, a really craptop). i also do some video editing and photoshop. nothing too pro-level, but enough that it warrants having a decent laptop. so, my laptops been having small but annoying issues lately, and my mother agreed to buy me a laptop as long as it wasn't too expensive. laptops are generally cheaper in the us than they are in india, so we asked my sister if she would be okay with bringing it over (she wouldn't be paying for it) when she came back for the holidays. she agreed. now, here's the thing: my sister also got a laptop for college—an asus, a light, fast one with just 256 gb of ssd. for the non-techies here, that's not a whole lot of space you have, but the upside is that it's faster than hdd. when i chose my laptop, i looked at the best deals, good build quality, yada yada, and came upon a really acer for $799 that gave me 128 gb ssd as well as 2 tb hdd. the downside? it's super big and clunky. the polar opposite of my sister's asus physically, but a beast inside. when it arrived, my sister voiced her concern, saying, "nobody here has a laptop bigger than 12 inches" and that i'll "stand out". fine, whatever, i'm willing to sacrifice portability and sleekness for capability. she relented and said all right. now, a few days before her flight back to india, she messages me this— >returned your laptop > >no one is keeping anything that bulky under my watch > >next one will be ssd only. get one kb of hdd and i'll return it &#x200b; now, i'm immediately put off by this. to me, it's not her right to choose which laptop i get, since she's not paying for it. **i'm** the one using it, i'll have to deal with it's faults. on the other hand, i feel like a stuck-up little rich kid (our family is upper middle class, nothing fancy, just well off). &#x200b; so, reddit, i come to you through this post written on a vaio laptop to ask you—aita? [/INST] nta - it’s not up to your sister to decide what laptop you have. have you spoke to your parents about her message? </s>
|
AITA for only making food for myself when I thought no one else was awake?
|
this happened about a half-hour ago (around 3:30 am), and i was already on reddit, so thought i might as well ask.
my sister likes to sleep outside now that it has gotten warm. i have a seriously fucked up sleep schedule so i'm mostly awake at night. i got hungry and decided i would make some pancakes. i made just enough for myself because i figured no one else would be eating, so why go through the extra work?
just as i finish eating, my sister wakes up and comes inside. our back door is in our kitchen, so she walks right in on me eating. she gets excited and asks if she can have some. i tell her i'm almost done with the last one and only made enough for myself. she got mad and said that when i make them during the day i always have extra. i told her that's because i make enough for a family meal and that i tend to overestimate. she got even madder and asked why i didn't just make extra and put it in the fridge, and i told her i didn't think there was a reason to.
she is not going back to bed and is still mad at me for this. i think she is being crazy but would like an outside opinion on this. so, aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vaivg5/aita_for_only_making_food_for_myself_when_i/
|
2022-06-12 10:06:39
|
nta
next time, wait until she's asleep then wake her up to check if she wants some food. best to be sure, wouldn't want her to be mad again, right :d
|
nta. if i went outside right now (3:15am) and made myself a bowl of instant noodles, you can best bet i’m not making extra for people who are being quiet in their rooms (the way i would if it was daytime). sister can make her own midnight pancakes.
|
nta. you don’t expect anyone else to be up at that hour - you couldn’t have known!
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened about a half-hour ago (around 3:30 am), and i was already on reddit, so thought i might as well ask. my sister likes to sleep outside now that it has gotten warm. i have a seriously fucked up sleep schedule so i'm mostly awake at night. i got hungry and decided i would make some pancakes. i made just enough for myself because i figured no one else would be eating, so why go through the extra work? just as i finish eating, my sister wakes up and comes inside. our back door is in our kitchen, so she walks right in on me eating. she gets excited and asks if she can have some. i tell her i'm almost done with the last one and only made enough for myself. she got mad and said that when i make them during the day i always have extra. i told her that's because i make enough for a family meal and that i tend to overestimate. she got even madder and asked why i didn't just make extra and put it in the fridge, and i told her i didn't think there was a reason to. she is not going back to bed and is still mad at me for this. i think she is being crazy but would like an outside opinion on this. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened about a half-hour ago (around 3:30 am), and i was already on reddit, so thought i might as well ask. my sister likes to sleep outside now that it has gotten warm. i have a seriously fucked up sleep schedule so i'm mostly awake at night. i got hungry and decided i would make some pancakes. i made just enough for myself because i figured no one else would be eating, so why go through the extra work? just as i finish eating, my sister wakes up and comes inside. our back door is in our kitchen, so she walks right in on me eating. she gets excited and asks if she can have some. i tell her i'm almost done with the last one and only made enough for myself. she got mad and said that when i make them during the day i always have extra. i told her that's because i make enough for a family meal and that i tend to overestimate. she got even madder and asked why i didn't just make extra and put it in the fridge, and i told her i didn't think there was a reason to. she is not going back to bed and is still mad at me for this. i think she is being crazy but would like an outside opinion on this. so, aita? [/INST] nta next time, wait until she's asleep then wake her up to check if she wants some food. best to be sure, wouldn't want her to be mad again, right :d </s>
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AITA for not letting my friend take my family's switch?
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hello, this is my first post here on reddit.
so, my friend's family is pretty poor (both parents make minimum wage and my friend hasn't gotten his work papers yet) and he has always wanted to play games on an official console, as all he has is a 2014 android.
into the story,
i felt bad for my friend after he had been complaining how he gets bored of the games he is limited to on his phone and says i should give him my nintendo switch lite for a little while, i agree and say i can give it to him for a week because it is for the family (mostly my little brother and sister but i play rocket league sometimes) he says that a week is "tooo shoorrt" and he should get atleast a month to play. i deny this request and tell him once again, the switch isn't mine. (i offered it because my brother will be grounded for the next week and my sister has a 3ds to use) he tells me atleast a month or else he is not taking it. i tell him he wont get it then so i dont ruin my little brothers birthday month. (he turns 10 in 14 days) he calls me an asshole and doesn't talk to me for a few days.
the rest of the story is an entitled kids/entitled parents post that i might post later on. so please tell me, aita for not letting my friend take my family's switch lite?
(this was typed on phone and in a rush so please excuse grammar and spelling errors)
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ffduel/aita_for_not_letting_my_friend_take_my_familys/
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2020-03-08 15:15:03
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nta holy smokes! do not let him use it at all because he may not return it! wow. it isn't just yours in the first place so you would have to get the ok from the rest.
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nta. if you let them borrow your family’s switch you will never see it again.
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nta beggars can't be choosers. you were willing to lend him a console worth hundreds of dollars.
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nta i wouldn’t give him it if i were you. he sound like a choosing beggar. could he get a job to save up for one or something?
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don't let him use it, it may get lost or broken
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nta
your friend sucks...i'd drop him
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nta. if this isn't a post for r/choosingbeggars i'm not sure what is.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello, this is my first post here on reddit. so, my friend's family is pretty poor (both parents make minimum wage and my friend hasn't gotten his work papers yet) and he has always wanted to play games on an official console, as all he has is a 2014 android. into the story, i felt bad for my friend after he had been complaining how he gets bored of the games he is limited to on his phone and says i should give him my nintendo switch lite for a little while, i agree and say i can give it to him for a week because it is for the family (mostly my little brother and sister but i play rocket league sometimes) he says that a week is "tooo shoorrt" and he should get atleast a month to play. i deny this request and tell him once again, the switch isn't mine. (i offered it because my brother will be grounded for the next week and my sister has a 3ds to use) he tells me atleast a month or else he is not taking it. i tell him he wont get it then so i dont ruin my little brothers birthday month. (he turns 10 in 14 days) he calls me an asshole and doesn't talk to me for a few days. the rest of the story is an entitled kids/entitled parents post that i might post later on. so please tell me, aita for not letting my friend take my family's switch lite? (this was typed on phone and in a rush so please excuse grammar and spelling errors)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello, this is my first post here on reddit. so, my friend's family is pretty poor (both parents make minimum wage and my friend hasn't gotten his work papers yet) and he has always wanted to play games on an official console, as all he has is a 2014 android. into the story, i felt bad for my friend after he had been complaining how he gets bored of the games he is limited to on his phone and says i should give him my nintendo switch lite for a little while, i agree and say i can give it to him for a week because it is for the family (mostly my little brother and sister but i play rocket league sometimes) he says that a week is "tooo shoorrt" and he should get atleast a month to play. i deny this request and tell him once again, the switch isn't mine. (i offered it because my brother will be grounded for the next week and my sister has a 3ds to use) he tells me atleast a month or else he is not taking it. i tell him he wont get it then so i dont ruin my little brothers birthday month. (he turns 10 in 14 days) he calls me an asshole and doesn't talk to me for a few days. the rest of the story is an entitled kids/entitled parents post that i might post later on. so please tell me, aita for not letting my friend take my family's switch lite? (this was typed on phone and in a rush so please excuse grammar and spelling errors) [/INST] nta holy smokes! do not let him use it at all because he may not return it! wow. it isn't just yours in the first place so you would have to get the ok from the rest. </s>
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AITA for asking a guy to vacate our reserved seats at the cinema?
|
ok this is a light & trivial one but i'm curious whether different customs in the us (compared to the uk) mean that i was inadvertently the ah. so maybe i should have put "movie theater" :-)
on a trip to nyc my partner and i just wanted to relax one evening after pounding the streets all day so we thought we'd go and see a movie at the amc empire in times square. we had assigned seats, but when we got to them there was a lone guy sitting in one of them. tbh the place was pretty empty and we could have just sat in front or further along the row, but we were quite early and weren't sure how full it would get and just didn't want to risk the hassle of someone else coming along later and asking us to move from their seats when there would be fewer (or no) empty ones to move to, and possibly no lights on, so we politely (and very apologetically - we're british after all) let him know we had his seat reserved. he didn't seem to care and pointed out there were plenty of other seats we could sit in instead. i hesitated to object as i thought that maybe it's just customary in the us for people to routinely ignore their own seat assignments and sit wherever they like, and i would have been happy enough to sit somewhere else since there was plenty of apparent choice at that point, but i thought of how we had been asked to explicitly choose our seats and therefore felt some entitlement to them, and also decided to head off potential later trouble from someone else, and so i insisted he move. which he did, but it was pretty obvious from his demeanour that he thought i was being a pita about it.
aita for forcing someone to move from our assigned seats in a mostly empty cinema?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tk83sy/aita_for_asking_a_guy_to_vacate_our_reserved/
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2022-03-22 17:22:51
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nta. i don’t understand why he would feel entitled to the seats you literally rented, especially if he could move and still get a similar vantage point. like how do people not feel embarrassed by acting that way
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nta - anyone who plays the "move down from the nosebleeds to the lower seats game" at a sporting event knows that as soon as you're asked to move, you move. anyone who argues regardless the reason is an asshole.
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nta. us citizen here. if someone takes your assigned theater seat, you ask them to move. there's assigned seating for a reason. usually so people can book to sit together and kids don't end up sitting away from their parents because there are only single seats left. the man should have followed the theater's rules.
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nta.
if they're reserved seats they're reserved seats.
if anyone can sit in them, what's the point in reserving them in advance?
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[deleted]
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nta. reserved seats are reserved seats, and sitting wherever you want when a venue sells tickets for specific seats is an ah move.
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nta, and sorry your experience in the states included that douche canoe.
we're not all like that, i promise! :-)
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nta. most likely the reason he was in your seat is that he was theater hopping and didn't have a ticket in the first place.
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nta. in the us, in some theater chains, assigned seats are common.
you are correct in that you don't know who will show up later to claim any seat you would have sat in to try to accommodate this jerk. you asked nicely, he was a jerk.
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nta - i hate people like that! you are asked to pick your seats when you buy your ticket. the fact that he didn't sit in his seat was his problem
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok this is a light & trivial one but i'm curious whether different customs in the us (compared to the uk) mean that i was inadvertently the ah. so maybe i should have put "movie theater" :-) on a trip to nyc my partner and i just wanted to relax one evening after pounding the streets all day so we thought we'd go and see a movie at the amc empire in times square. we had assigned seats, but when we got to them there was a lone guy sitting in one of them. tbh the place was pretty empty and we could have just sat in front or further along the row, but we were quite early and weren't sure how full it would get and just didn't want to risk the hassle of someone else coming along later and asking us to move from their seats when there would be fewer (or no) empty ones to move to, and possibly no lights on, so we politely (and very apologetically - we're british after all) let him know we had his seat reserved. he didn't seem to care and pointed out there were plenty of other seats we could sit in instead. i hesitated to object as i thought that maybe it's just customary in the us for people to routinely ignore their own seat assignments and sit wherever they like, and i would have been happy enough to sit somewhere else since there was plenty of apparent choice at that point, but i thought of how we had been asked to explicitly choose our seats and therefore felt some entitlement to them, and also decided to head off potential later trouble from someone else, and so i insisted he move. which he did, but it was pretty obvious from his demeanour that he thought i was being a pita about it. aita for forcing someone to move from our assigned seats in a mostly empty cinema?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ok this is a light & trivial one but i'm curious whether different customs in the us (compared to the uk) mean that i was inadvertently the ah. so maybe i should have put "movie theater" :-) on a trip to nyc my partner and i just wanted to relax one evening after pounding the streets all day so we thought we'd go and see a movie at the amc empire in times square. we had assigned seats, but when we got to them there was a lone guy sitting in one of them. tbh the place was pretty empty and we could have just sat in front or further along the row, but we were quite early and weren't sure how full it would get and just didn't want to risk the hassle of someone else coming along later and asking us to move from their seats when there would be fewer (or no) empty ones to move to, and possibly no lights on, so we politely (and very apologetically - we're british after all) let him know we had his seat reserved. he didn't seem to care and pointed out there were plenty of other seats we could sit in instead. i hesitated to object as i thought that maybe it's just customary in the us for people to routinely ignore their own seat assignments and sit wherever they like, and i would have been happy enough to sit somewhere else since there was plenty of apparent choice at that point, but i thought of how we had been asked to explicitly choose our seats and therefore felt some entitlement to them, and also decided to head off potential later trouble from someone else, and so i insisted he move. which he did, but it was pretty obvious from his demeanour that he thought i was being a pita about it. aita for forcing someone to move from our assigned seats in a mostly empty cinema? [/INST] nta. i don’t understand why he would feel entitled to the seats you literally rented, especially if he could move and still get a similar vantage point. like how do people not feel embarrassed by acting that way </s>
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AITA for trying to spend time with father without his new girlfriend?
|
my (24f) father (57) met a new woman 3 years ago after my mom's death. i will call this woman "lana", she's 60. and here is a thing - i don't completely like her, while she tries to get closer to me and, according to father, already considers us a family. she has her own son, who is older than me, but he's living abroad, so is not in the picture.
she is not a bad person, but she has some personality traits that i don't quite like, and my father finds them a little troublesome. see, we can't tell her that we have been somewhere together without her, as she will be upset that we didn't invite her. second, when we were together at the beach my father received a call from his old female friend (whom lana and i don't like) and spent a little time talking with her, and lana was so upset that gave my father silent treatment for a while, before i somehow handled the situation, because the tension was awkward. then, when it was birthday of her relatives she became upset that my father didn't tell her how much money she must give to the relative as a gift, and that he didn't congratulate said relative according to her plan, which even her other family was unaware of (she didn't even tell him he should congratulate this relative at all, just mentioned it, and she was crying because other family members congratulated this relative only after her and much later and not how she imagined it to be).
she generally is a little childlike, sometimes whining about thing or repeating phrases like children do, and i don't understand why she does it. i can't say that i am behaving like grown, responsible person, as i still live with my father and do not even work because i study, but i think that there should be difference between me and her. like, sometimes i feel like i am the only adult there.
with everything mentioned above, i try to have as little contact with her as possible without being impolite. my father goes to her place often, when he doesn't work and i only mind when i want to spend some time with him and he mentions that she will be upset if we exclude her. we had a tradition with my parents to go in forest and have barbecue together, and after mother's death this tradition continued with my father, and i want that to remain that way, without lana, whom i can't think of as a part of family. i am not opposed to celebrate big holidays and birthdays with her, after all, but i want to have these little moments with father without her intervention, because she makes sure all the attention is on her.
so, am i the asshole for trying to spend time with my father without his girlfriend?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xfq54j/aita_for_trying_to_spend_time_with_father_without/
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2022-09-16 12:35:50
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nta. and i'd add this is not your problem to solve. just be matter of fact whenever it comes up. "i'd like to have alone time with my dad." if she can't handle that, then your dad needs to have a talk with her.
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nta- your father is the ah for prioritising lana over his own daughter. it’s okay to want to be invited places but not all the time and she should respect that you want quality time with your father one on one. he needs to speak up
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nta.
it's reasonable that you want to spend time with your father, and not his gf. even if she was a person that behaved in normal ways, this would be reasonable.
it's reasonable that you find lana's behavior to be odd, "off", and uncomfortable. she sounds very controlling of your father, and that's not healthy for him. he deserves someone who will respect him, not demand that he only does what she wants him to do, and not someone that limits his contact with his family and friends to only when she's included. her behavior is obsessive, controlling, and disrespectful of him.
it's okay to not want to build a relationship with her. she's not someone to trust.
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nta. she's very insecure. i have 5 stepchildren. they all, at various times over the years, have wanted one on one time with their father. occasionally my husband would ask if i wanted to come with and i'd say, "only if (stepchild) specifically said they wanted me to come along."
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nta
never
jamais
nunca
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (24f) father (57) met a new woman 3 years ago after my mom's death. i will call this woman "lana", she's 60. and here is a thing - i don't completely like her, while she tries to get closer to me and, according to father, already considers us a family. she has her own son, who is older than me, but he's living abroad, so is not in the picture. she is not a bad person, but she has some personality traits that i don't quite like, and my father finds them a little troublesome. see, we can't tell her that we have been somewhere together without her, as she will be upset that we didn't invite her. second, when we were together at the beach my father received a call from his old female friend (whom lana and i don't like) and spent a little time talking with her, and lana was so upset that gave my father silent treatment for a while, before i somehow handled the situation, because the tension was awkward. then, when it was birthday of her relatives she became upset that my father didn't tell her how much money she must give to the relative as a gift, and that he didn't congratulate said relative according to her plan, which even her other family was unaware of (she didn't even tell him he should congratulate this relative at all, just mentioned it, and she was crying because other family members congratulated this relative only after her and much later and not how she imagined it to be). she generally is a little childlike, sometimes whining about thing or repeating phrases like children do, and i don't understand why she does it. i can't say that i am behaving like grown, responsible person, as i still live with my father and do not even work because i study, but i think that there should be difference between me and her. like, sometimes i feel like i am the only adult there. with everything mentioned above, i try to have as little contact with her as possible without being impolite. my father goes to her place often, when he doesn't work and i only mind when i want to spend some time with him and he mentions that she will be upset if we exclude her. we had a tradition with my parents to go in forest and have barbecue together, and after mother's death this tradition continued with my father, and i want that to remain that way, without lana, whom i can't think of as a part of family. i am not opposed to celebrate big holidays and birthdays with her, after all, but i want to have these little moments with father without her intervention, because she makes sure all the attention is on her. so, am i the asshole for trying to spend time with my father without his girlfriend?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (24f) father (57) met a new woman 3 years ago after my mom's death. i will call this woman "lana", she's 60. and here is a thing - i don't completely like her, while she tries to get closer to me and, according to father, already considers us a family. she has her own son, who is older than me, but he's living abroad, so is not in the picture. she is not a bad person, but she has some personality traits that i don't quite like, and my father finds them a little troublesome. see, we can't tell her that we have been somewhere together without her, as she will be upset that we didn't invite her. second, when we were together at the beach my father received a call from his old female friend (whom lana and i don't like) and spent a little time talking with her, and lana was so upset that gave my father silent treatment for a while, before i somehow handled the situation, because the tension was awkward. then, when it was birthday of her relatives she became upset that my father didn't tell her how much money she must give to the relative as a gift, and that he didn't congratulate said relative according to her plan, which even her other family was unaware of (she didn't even tell him he should congratulate this relative at all, just mentioned it, and she was crying because other family members congratulated this relative only after her and much later and not how she imagined it to be). she generally is a little childlike, sometimes whining about thing or repeating phrases like children do, and i don't understand why she does it. i can't say that i am behaving like grown, responsible person, as i still live with my father and do not even work because i study, but i think that there should be difference between me and her. like, sometimes i feel like i am the only adult there. with everything mentioned above, i try to have as little contact with her as possible without being impolite. my father goes to her place often, when he doesn't work and i only mind when i want to spend some time with him and he mentions that she will be upset if we exclude her. we had a tradition with my parents to go in forest and have barbecue together, and after mother's death this tradition continued with my father, and i want that to remain that way, without lana, whom i can't think of as a part of family. i am not opposed to celebrate big holidays and birthdays with her, after all, but i want to have these little moments with father without her intervention, because she makes sure all the attention is on her. so, am i the asshole for trying to spend time with my father without his girlfriend? [/INST] nta. and i'd add this is not your problem to solve. just be matter of fact whenever it comes up. "i'd like to have alone time with my dad." if she can't handle that, then your dad needs to have a talk with her. </s>
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AITA for not wearing a poppy because I don't want to damage my coat?
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just reading the title makes it seem obvious but i figured i'd run it by you all.
i'm an american living in canada. every generation before me fought in pretty much every war after the turn of the 20th century and my family has a proud military history. i donate to both the canadian legion up here, and the vfw down in the states. it's something i've always done every year without question.
up here in canada, around this time of year, folks buy plastic poppies and pin them to their coats. remembrance day is november 11 and that's when people typically remove them, some keep them on all month. it's a big deal and i understand and respect why. which brings me to the dilemma i'm having.
i bought a very expensive down-filled coat, canadian fall and winter is unforgiving. it's got a hydrophobic layer and to my knowledge can't be fixed once penetrated. with this in mind, i don't put a poppy on it. if they were adhesive or magnetic or anything other than a pin, you bet i'd wear one. but i can't reconcile with putting holes in it and damaging it (which sounds like a whiny thing to do considering what the soldiers went through). i make ok money, but this coat was an investment i hope to keep for years.
i had an old coat i donated (to the legion) when i bought the new one. the old one, from having poppies stuck into it, would have its synthetic filling poke out of the holes. not to mention the stitching looks all messed up over the left breast where the poppies went.
i live in a very conservative part of the country and poppies are near-ubiquitous on suits and pea-coats in the corporate community here so i noticeably stand out. my girlfriend thinks i'm being prissy and petty for valuing my coat over showing appreciation for veterans. since her family fought in many canadian battles, she thinks i'm being disrespectful to what her family did and choosing to honor only american sacrifice in the war. some co-workers have alluded to me not caring about canada's veterans, since my family fought in largely american conflicts like in the pacific and vietnam.
i think i'm ok, since i already donate to the cause year-round, but this one period of the year, i can't help but feel like people are judging me.
aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ds2gsd/aita_for_not_wearing_a_poppy_because_i_dont_want/
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2019-11-05 17:30:39
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nta, rig up a magnetic poppy for yourself....just checked, they sell them already.
[https://www.pinmart.com/poppy-flower-pin-with-magnetic-back/](https://www.pinmart.com/poppy-flower-pin-with-magnetic-back/)
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remove the pin from the back, get two magnets (strong ones as they have to go through the coat) superglue one magnet to the back of the poppy and attach it while holding the other magnet inside your coat - tadaaa
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nta but i'm irish and i thought poppys were english.
i'd recommend not caring what people think but that's easier said than done. do you carry a bag or something you can wear it on, or have a shirt/jumper you can pin it to? i pin most things to my bag pack so i cant fidget and break them
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your girlfriend is just wrong. wearing a poppy is all well and good, but *anyone* can do that. if she doesn't believe you when you say you care about remembering all veterans of all wars, if wearing a poppy is the only way she believes you can honor veterans, then she's the one with the fucked up value system, not you. nta.
fwiw, have you considered just wearing a scarf and pinning the poppy to that? this really shouldn't be a problem.
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nta poppies are useless junk that we mass produce to prove to everyone what a good person we are. conservatives make it really hard for me to not think they're stupid when all they value is a plastic bauble, not meaningful contributions.
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nta, people get worked up over the stupidest things
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> if they were adhesive or magnetic or anything other than a pin, you bet i'd wear one.
https://www.redbubble.com/shop/remembrance+poppy+stickers
https://www.zazzle.com/remembrance+day+poppy+stickers
nah, but you could easily solve this problem.
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nta. you're not an arsehole for not wearing a poppy whatever your reason.
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nta.
i am canadian and i have never worn the poppy exactly for this reason! canadian winters are a biatch and all the coats i buy are fairly expensive and i don't want to ruin them.
however, if you want to wear the poppy, put it somewhere else such as on your backpack (if you use one) or you could buy something you could put on your key ring. i feel that wearing the poppy is a personal choice and there are so many ways to remember the sacrifice that older generations made for us.
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nta - down coats are a nightmare when damaged. could you take the poppy off the pin, hot glue it to a magnet, and wear that way? either way i think it's fine
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: just reading the title makes it seem obvious but i figured i'd run it by you all. i'm an american living in canada. every generation before me fought in pretty much every war after the turn of the 20th century and my family has a proud military history. i donate to both the canadian legion up here, and the vfw down in the states. it's something i've always done every year without question. up here in canada, around this time of year, folks buy plastic poppies and pin them to their coats. remembrance day is november 11 and that's when people typically remove them, some keep them on all month. it's a big deal and i understand and respect why. which brings me to the dilemma i'm having. i bought a very expensive down-filled coat, canadian fall and winter is unforgiving. it's got a hydrophobic layer and to my knowledge can't be fixed once penetrated. with this in mind, i don't put a poppy on it. if they were adhesive or magnetic or anything other than a pin, you bet i'd wear one. but i can't reconcile with putting holes in it and damaging it (which sounds like a whiny thing to do considering what the soldiers went through). i make ok money, but this coat was an investment i hope to keep for years. i had an old coat i donated (to the legion) when i bought the new one. the old one, from having poppies stuck into it, would have its synthetic filling poke out of the holes. not to mention the stitching looks all messed up over the left breast where the poppies went. i live in a very conservative part of the country and poppies are near-ubiquitous on suits and pea-coats in the corporate community here so i noticeably stand out. my girlfriend thinks i'm being prissy and petty for valuing my coat over showing appreciation for veterans. since her family fought in many canadian battles, she thinks i'm being disrespectful to what her family did and choosing to honor only american sacrifice in the war. some co-workers have alluded to me not caring about canada's veterans, since my family fought in largely american conflicts like in the pacific and vietnam. i think i'm ok, since i already donate to the cause year-round, but this one period of the year, i can't help but feel like people are judging me. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
just reading the title makes it seem obvious but i figured i'd run it by you all. i'm an american living in canada. every generation before me fought in pretty much every war after the turn of the 20th century and my family has a proud military history. i donate to both the canadian legion up here, and the vfw down in the states. it's something i've always done every year without question. up here in canada, around this time of year, folks buy plastic poppies and pin them to their coats. remembrance day is november 11 and that's when people typically remove them, some keep them on all month. it's a big deal and i understand and respect why. which brings me to the dilemma i'm having. i bought a very expensive down-filled coat, canadian fall and winter is unforgiving. it's got a hydrophobic layer and to my knowledge can't be fixed once penetrated. with this in mind, i don't put a poppy on it. if they were adhesive or magnetic or anything other than a pin, you bet i'd wear one. but i can't reconcile with putting holes in it and damaging it (which sounds like a whiny thing to do considering what the soldiers went through). i make ok money, but this coat was an investment i hope to keep for years. i had an old coat i donated (to the legion) when i bought the new one. the old one, from having poppies stuck into it, would have its synthetic filling poke out of the holes. not to mention the stitching looks all messed up over the left breast where the poppies went. i live in a very conservative part of the country and poppies are near-ubiquitous on suits and pea-coats in the corporate community here so i noticeably stand out. my girlfriend thinks i'm being prissy and petty for valuing my coat over showing appreciation for veterans. since her family fought in many canadian battles, she thinks i'm being disrespectful to what her family did and choosing to honor only american sacrifice in the war. some co-workers have alluded to me not caring about canada's veterans, since my family fought in largely american conflicts like in the pacific and vietnam. i think i'm ok, since i already donate to the cause year-round, but this one period of the year, i can't help but feel like people are judging me. aita? [/INST] nta, rig up a magnetic poppy for yourself....just checked, they sell them already. [https://www.pinmart.com/poppy-flower-pin-with-magnetic-back/](https://www.pinmart.com/poppy-flower-pin-with-magnetic-back/) </s>
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AITA - Neighbours have camera covering the entrance and I covered it when i would be in front of it
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i live in an apartment building in a bad area of my city. my neighbours live on the ground floor and had a camera that recorded the entrance to the building. i (18f) smoke in this area. it is allowed and my landlord is fine with it. so no problem there.
however, the neighbours (one male and one female around 25+) placed a camera in their window that recorded this area. i am fine with it as a safety measure. i do not like them filming me when i am out there for over 10 minutes at a time. i began covering the camera in these instances. personally i dont want to be recorded as there are people who i do not want knowing where i live.
i would go out place a piece of card over the camera, have a cigarette or a phone call and then remove the card when i went inside.
a few weeks later i get violent knocking on my flat door. i open it to see what the issue is. maybe my tv is too loud. maybe someone had an accident and needed some help. no the woman from the flat proceeds to scream in my face. saying things like "why are you covering the camera its shady" "we have it for our protection" "you must be selling drugs" that kind of thing. i calmly respond explaining i do not wish to be filmed and when it is covered i am there so if someone tried anything to enter the building i would be a witness. she became exceedingly more aggressive and demanded to know why i dont want to be filmed. i replied that it made me feel (insert noise that represents being creeped out). she then mocked me whilst her boyfriend stood behind her.
i told her i also smoke out there and would rather not be recorded doing the bad habit. the bf pipes up saying that they have issues with that. when i ask what the issues are he goes quiet.
when i smoke i dont do it near windows and i clean up the cigarette butts. there should be no issue.
the woman's mood suddenly flips and is okay with everything and then leaves.
personally i think the security reason is a lie as they once let an unknown man into the building who broke into my friends apartment and would not leave. my friend was pregnant at the time and it took hours for us to remove him. but that is a very confusing story for a different time.
so am i the arsehole for covering my neighbours camera when i was outside.
tl;dr i covered my neighbours camera when it would film me and they proceeded to confront me aggressively and accuse me of being a drug dealer
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bzjru7/aita_neighbours_have_camera_covering_the_entrance/
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2019-06-11 23:28:28
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nta, if it’s a shared entranceway they should first obtain consent from either all tenants who would be entering that door or the landlord before installing a camera.
you are being as polite as you can about the situation
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nta i don’t totally get the people here who are saying it’s “their property” and they can do what they want, because it’s pointing at your shared entranceway. they sound very aggressive and unfriendly and that sucks.
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info: is it legal for them to have the camera there? has it been approved by the landlord?
~~either way, (edit) for not at least talking to them (and, if necessary, your landlord) about it first. everyone sucks decision pending whether it’s legal/approved by landlord.~~
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nta. you have the right to not be filmed. the landlord should have acted sooner. that's creepy of them tbh.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live in an apartment building in a bad area of my city. my neighbours live on the ground floor and had a camera that recorded the entrance to the building. i (18f) smoke in this area. it is allowed and my landlord is fine with it. so no problem there. however, the neighbours (one male and one female around 25+) placed a camera in their window that recorded this area. i am fine with it as a safety measure. i do not like them filming me when i am out there for over 10 minutes at a time. i began covering the camera in these instances. personally i dont want to be recorded as there are people who i do not want knowing where i live. i would go out place a piece of card over the camera, have a cigarette or a phone call and then remove the card when i went inside. a few weeks later i get violent knocking on my flat door. i open it to see what the issue is. maybe my tv is too loud. maybe someone had an accident and needed some help. no the woman from the flat proceeds to scream in my face. saying things like "why are you covering the camera its shady" "we have it for our protection" "you must be selling drugs" that kind of thing. i calmly respond explaining i do not wish to be filmed and when it is covered i am there so if someone tried anything to enter the building i would be a witness. she became exceedingly more aggressive and demanded to know why i dont want to be filmed. i replied that it made me feel (insert noise that represents being creeped out). she then mocked me whilst her boyfriend stood behind her. i told her i also smoke out there and would rather not be recorded doing the bad habit. the bf pipes up saying that they have issues with that. when i ask what the issues are he goes quiet. when i smoke i dont do it near windows and i clean up the cigarette butts. there should be no issue. the woman's mood suddenly flips and is okay with everything and then leaves. personally i think the security reason is a lie as they once let an unknown man into the building who broke into my friends apartment and would not leave. my friend was pregnant at the time and it took hours for us to remove him. but that is a very confusing story for a different time. so am i the arsehole for covering my neighbours camera when i was outside. tl;dr i covered my neighbours camera when it would film me and they proceeded to confront me aggressively and accuse me of being a drug dealer
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i live in an apartment building in a bad area of my city. my neighbours live on the ground floor and had a camera that recorded the entrance to the building. i (18f) smoke in this area. it is allowed and my landlord is fine with it. so no problem there. however, the neighbours (one male and one female around 25+) placed a camera in their window that recorded this area. i am fine with it as a safety measure. i do not like them filming me when i am out there for over 10 minutes at a time. i began covering the camera in these instances. personally i dont want to be recorded as there are people who i do not want knowing where i live. i would go out place a piece of card over the camera, have a cigarette or a phone call and then remove the card when i went inside. a few weeks later i get violent knocking on my flat door. i open it to see what the issue is. maybe my tv is too loud. maybe someone had an accident and needed some help. no the woman from the flat proceeds to scream in my face. saying things like "why are you covering the camera its shady" "we have it for our protection" "you must be selling drugs" that kind of thing. i calmly respond explaining i do not wish to be filmed and when it is covered i am there so if someone tried anything to enter the building i would be a witness. she became exceedingly more aggressive and demanded to know why i dont want to be filmed. i replied that it made me feel (insert noise that represents being creeped out). she then mocked me whilst her boyfriend stood behind her. i told her i also smoke out there and would rather not be recorded doing the bad habit. the bf pipes up saying that they have issues with that. when i ask what the issues are he goes quiet. when i smoke i dont do it near windows and i clean up the cigarette butts. there should be no issue. the woman's mood suddenly flips and is okay with everything and then leaves. personally i think the security reason is a lie as they once let an unknown man into the building who broke into my friends apartment and would not leave. my friend was pregnant at the time and it took hours for us to remove him. but that is a very confusing story for a different time. so am i the arsehole for covering my neighbours camera when i was outside. tl;dr i covered my neighbours camera when it would film me and they proceeded to confront me aggressively and accuse me of being a drug dealer [/INST] nta, if it’s a shared entranceway they should first obtain consent from either all tenants who would be entering that door or the landlord before installing a camera. you are being as polite as you can about the situation </s>
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AITA for making my colleague leave the meeting room because he's from Russia?
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i work in a certain tech company on west coast in the usa, which recently made me go through some mandatory trainings, just routine stuff.
in one of the trainings (i forgot the exact title of it) it explained what export controls are, and then went into detail that an employee is not supposed to share info with other persons from specific countries until they have an "export license" documentation. even employees working for the same company.
i talked with my manager, and told him i was under the impression that the company would take care of all this, so that i can freely interact with fellow employees. however, he admitted that due to liability and legal reasons, the employee too was responsible for checking this.
now the moment in the title. we were in a meeting, and my russian colleague was present, and i remembered russia was one of the countries marked under export control. so i asked him if he had the necessary docs (not to show them to me, just an affirmation would've sufficed), but he got offended and told me it's not my place etc. my manager was present too, and he didn't say anything, didn't support me nor support him. i told the colleague okay, then i can't present my data in this meeting. he seemed really offended and took off from the room.
i really don't think i did something wrong, although i agree this is a shitty policy on the company's behalf. that being said, i don't want to be liable for anything happening to sensitive info, and that takes precedence over "being nice" for me at workplace. aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c5h26d/aita_for_making_my_colleague_leave_the_meeting/
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2019-06-25 22:55:28
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nta. sounds like you were following the security protocol set out for everyone.
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nta. you were following policy as you understood it and covering your own ass, which is what you should do in these situations. your russian colleague isn’t ta for feeling offended or upset though, it seems like a discriminatory policy and was probably very embarrassing. your supervisor was ta because they should have stepped in and resolved the issue.
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without claiming to understand anything you said about the export control stuff, i would say **nta** vis a vis your boss, not vis a vis the russian co-worker. your boss is an ass for letting you dangle like that.
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nta. export control is no joke. there's no way to control the access to and movement of data if it gets out of your control. there are even worse consequences if you violate export controls like itar.
i'd bring this up with your boss and hr to ensure that all the documents are in place as they should be. your russian colleague either (1) does not have the appropriate documents and as such has no business seeing that data, or (2) does have the documents, and must have gone through the same training, at which point he should know the policy, and hr needs to talk to him to make sure he understands that your questioning was both relevant and pertinent.
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i deal a lot with itar and export control - we work with the dod. this is a really bad way for the company to handle this. if they are hiring foreign nationals they need to have the proper controls in place, and telling employees they need to handle it isn’t the right way to go. if they have concerns they are developing technology that would be classified as itar they shouldn’t be hiring foreign nationals, period. or if they do, they need to be properly segregated (physically and network).
nta.
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hmm interesting policy but i would say nta but your manager is an asshole-ish. as our economy continues to change with different goods and services, i never once thought about intellectual property being presented in a meeting to be a big issue, until now. so i do support that policy and think it's valid. you doing your role in ensuring this policy is enforced doesn't make you an asshole. however, a manager is supposed to support their workers. so i feel like the manager should've done more to mediate the situation. their lack of action makes them an asshole.
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nta though from his perspective, i am sure you are. either you, your manager, or both should pull him aside and be sure that he understands that this wasnt coming from a place of malice
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please by safe. follow the procedure. the weakest link in these secrets are people that make exceptions.
nta.
it is your place to be vigilant with the data you have.
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by far nta—i work in a field that does a lot of contract work for the intelligence community and compliance and security is taken very seriously. have never recognized a person on you floor? ask to see their badge and if they refuse immediately report them to security. presenting proprietary or other classified information? ensure the people in the room have the proper clearance.
this is just like an instance of piggybacking to get into certain areas of a building. yeah, you know that this person works for the company and seems like a good person, but it’s better to just be safe and your company will thank you.
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nta. security protocols.
your manager is an ass for not having your back or validating.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work in a certain tech company on west coast in the usa, which recently made me go through some mandatory trainings, just routine stuff. in one of the trainings (i forgot the exact title of it) it explained what export controls are, and then went into detail that an employee is not supposed to share info with other persons from specific countries until they have an "export license" documentation. even employees working for the same company. i talked with my manager, and told him i was under the impression that the company would take care of all this, so that i can freely interact with fellow employees. however, he admitted that due to liability and legal reasons, the employee too was responsible for checking this. now the moment in the title. we were in a meeting, and my russian colleague was present, and i remembered russia was one of the countries marked under export control. so i asked him if he had the necessary docs (not to show them to me, just an affirmation would've sufficed), but he got offended and told me it's not my place etc. my manager was present too, and he didn't say anything, didn't support me nor support him. i told the colleague okay, then i can't present my data in this meeting. he seemed really offended and took off from the room. i really don't think i did something wrong, although i agree this is a shitty policy on the company's behalf. that being said, i don't want to be liable for anything happening to sensitive info, and that takes precedence over "being nice" for me at workplace. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i work in a certain tech company on west coast in the usa, which recently made me go through some mandatory trainings, just routine stuff. in one of the trainings (i forgot the exact title of it) it explained what export controls are, and then went into detail that an employee is not supposed to share info with other persons from specific countries until they have an "export license" documentation. even employees working for the same company. i talked with my manager, and told him i was under the impression that the company would take care of all this, so that i can freely interact with fellow employees. however, he admitted that due to liability and legal reasons, the employee too was responsible for checking this. now the moment in the title. we were in a meeting, and my russian colleague was present, and i remembered russia was one of the countries marked under export control. so i asked him if he had the necessary docs (not to show them to me, just an affirmation would've sufficed), but he got offended and told me it's not my place etc. my manager was present too, and he didn't say anything, didn't support me nor support him. i told the colleague okay, then i can't present my data in this meeting. he seemed really offended and took off from the room. i really don't think i did something wrong, although i agree this is a shitty policy on the company's behalf. that being said, i don't want to be liable for anything happening to sensitive info, and that takes precedence over "being nice" for me at workplace. aita? [/INST] nta. sounds like you were following the security protocol set out for everyone. </s>
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AITA for being the “good” dad?
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i read a similar post right now, and i just remembered this. my ex and i are not platonic or amicable at all. she left me for her now ex bf, who was a decade younger than her. that fucked me up. i currently have have custody of my children every other month, somehow. and i make several times more than my ex even after alimony and child support, which i do pay in full.
first of, i do not spoil my kids. if they do something wrong, i do punish them. i have a pretty spacious mcmansion type of house. i have 3 kids. 2 16 year old girls, and a 8 year old boy. my job is the cfo of a moderately large company in my area. now let’s get back to the actual story
my ex and i divorced almost 2 years ago. finally i’m legally divorced. after 2 long years. it was not nice. i lost the family house and most he let’s, but at least i have 50/50 custody. my twin girls are currently interested in gaming. so i bought both of them a 1k gaming computer in their respective rooms in my house. they were both 4.0 gpa students, so that seemed like a fair reward, also it was just 1k, i have a way better system. my ex was pissed at me when she found out. she told me that gifts should be coming from both of us, since we are co-parenting. i disagree vehemently, if she buys them something, i won’t take credit. if i buy something for them, then she shouldn’t get credit. especially since we’re separated. i made a trust fund to pay for all of their college educations, in spite of what my ex told me. over dinner, i talked to the girls about their future, and that i’m going to be supporting their future educations. my ex was absolutely livid. she said some words, which i didn’t know existed. i do realize i’m getting my kids to regret going to their mother’s, but i’m not hurting my kids, since i do pay alimony and child support.
i feel like a snarky asshole, but i don’t think i did anything wrong. so aita? if so please tell me what i did wrong.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/de6hlf/aita_for_being_the_good_dad/
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2019-10-06 17:40:46
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nta for being an excellent dad, but yta for being spiteful
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nta. as a child of divorced parents, it would have been weird to still receive “joint” presents as i grew up, you’re no longer a unit. i could see her point if it was about not spoiling the kids, but it seems to stem from an insecurity about her inability to financially provide for your children in the same way.
for your kids sake, please find some way to cordial with your ex so that you can effectively co-parent without bitterness from the marital relationship effecting your relationship with your children.
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nta at all. you were rewarding you children for academics, and helping their future education. i see absolutely nothing wrong. your ex is not helping their future education, and you want to take credit for it.
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nta. can someone explain how this dude is the asshole. i legit don't understand how rewarding good behavior is being an asshole and i don't see his actions as asshole behavior so please explain.
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nta
it honestly sounds like she is just jealous of the fact that you can give your kids these things and she cant.
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nta-her bullshit is making her look bad. you aren’t making her look bad by being a good dad.
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"it was just 1k" can you be my dad too ?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i read a similar post right now, and i just remembered this. my ex and i are not platonic or amicable at all. she left me for her now ex bf, who was a decade younger than her. that fucked me up. i currently have have custody of my children every other month, somehow. and i make several times more than my ex even after alimony and child support, which i do pay in full. first of, i do not spoil my kids. if they do something wrong, i do punish them. i have a pretty spacious mcmansion type of house. i have 3 kids. 2 16 year old girls, and a 8 year old boy. my job is the cfo of a moderately large company in my area. now let’s get back to the actual story my ex and i divorced almost 2 years ago. finally i’m legally divorced. after 2 long years. it was not nice. i lost the family house and most he let’s, but at least i have 50/50 custody. my twin girls are currently interested in gaming. so i bought both of them a 1k gaming computer in their respective rooms in my house. they were both 4.0 gpa students, so that seemed like a fair reward, also it was just 1k, i have a way better system. my ex was pissed at me when she found out. she told me that gifts should be coming from both of us, since we are co-parenting. i disagree vehemently, if she buys them something, i won’t take credit. if i buy something for them, then she shouldn’t get credit. especially since we’re separated. i made a trust fund to pay for all of their college educations, in spite of what my ex told me. over dinner, i talked to the girls about their future, and that i’m going to be supporting their future educations. my ex was absolutely livid. she said some words, which i didn’t know existed. i do realize i’m getting my kids to regret going to their mother’s, but i’m not hurting my kids, since i do pay alimony and child support. i feel like a snarky asshole, but i don’t think i did anything wrong. so aita? if so please tell me what i did wrong.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i read a similar post right now, and i just remembered this. my ex and i are not platonic or amicable at all. she left me for her now ex bf, who was a decade younger than her. that fucked me up. i currently have have custody of my children every other month, somehow. and i make several times more than my ex even after alimony and child support, which i do pay in full. first of, i do not spoil my kids. if they do something wrong, i do punish them. i have a pretty spacious mcmansion type of house. i have 3 kids. 2 16 year old girls, and a 8 year old boy. my job is the cfo of a moderately large company in my area. now let’s get back to the actual story my ex and i divorced almost 2 years ago. finally i’m legally divorced. after 2 long years. it was not nice. i lost the family house and most he let’s, but at least i have 50/50 custody. my twin girls are currently interested in gaming. so i bought both of them a 1k gaming computer in their respective rooms in my house. they were both 4.0 gpa students, so that seemed like a fair reward, also it was just 1k, i have a way better system. my ex was pissed at me when she found out. she told me that gifts should be coming from both of us, since we are co-parenting. i disagree vehemently, if she buys them something, i won’t take credit. if i buy something for them, then she shouldn’t get credit. especially since we’re separated. i made a trust fund to pay for all of their college educations, in spite of what my ex told me. over dinner, i talked to the girls about their future, and that i’m going to be supporting their future educations. my ex was absolutely livid. she said some words, which i didn’t know existed. i do realize i’m getting my kids to regret going to their mother’s, but i’m not hurting my kids, since i do pay alimony and child support. i feel like a snarky asshole, but i don’t think i did anything wrong. so aita? if so please tell me what i did wrong. [/INST] nta for being an excellent dad, but yta for being spiteful </s>
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AITA for asking friend not to bring her boyfriends children?
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i have a friend (f34) from highschool with whom i have a troubled relationship for years now.
i'm 34 f married to a woman for a few years now and my wife dislikes my friend cause she has seen first hand her misstreating me or making me feel bad for things i didn't deserve to feel bad about and also she thinks my friend only comes to me when she needs something and is never there for me. we have two children together, and both their birthdays are in december. our oldest (m) just turned 5 and our youngest will be 2 on friday.
a few days before my son's birthday this friend of mine sent me an mp asking me what i was going to do for the children's birthdays this year. this was a bit odd since the only birthday she ever managed to get to was my son's 1st birthday. i told her since my son was turning 5 we're goin to celebrate his birthday on a party center , so only children would be invited, and since my daughter would turn 2 just 5 days after we were going to celebrate her birthday as a double birthday with close family members.
she was excited and basically invited herself, 3 times! i had no other option but say ok. when i told my wife about this she was a bit upset since we wanted to have only close family members and also because she always stresses us out. i agreed but told her that there was no way to tell her i wouldn't invite her that wouldn't cause a major fight.
i never imagined when i told her that she would invite herself. so we agreed that it would just be better at this point to keep her invitation on.
&#x200b;
so today i sent her a message reminding her of my daughter's party plan (time and place - our house). my friend has a 1 year old herself and is in a relationship with someone with whom she lives with. i was expecting her to bring her son and maybe her boyfriend, even though this is a very small gathering (we literally only invited 5 other people).
she replied that she was probably going to get here later because her boyfriend had his children (2 boys, 4 and 8) this weekend and they had football practice until late, and she added something like "you don't mind that they all tag along, right?". i barelly know her boyfriend. from what i know, i don't really like him (i never told her this). i don't know his children but i know they are very disruptive (she told me). and also i didn't want all of them coming because eventually i'm going to share some pictures and some of our friends (that we didn't invite because we never planned on inviting friends, only close family members) are going to be upset with us thinking we left them out of the party.
so i politely told her the reasons why i didn't want her coming here with her boyfriend and his 2 children and asked her if maybe she could come with her son only while her boyfriend goes to practice with his sons?
&#x200b;
she hasn't replied back and i feel horrible, but i honestly don't want all of them here
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e99ctx/aita_for_asking_friend_not_to_bring_her/
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2019-12-11 16:34:57
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nta
tough love here girl but you need to grow a pair and dump her ass. she’s not a friend if she’s mistreating you. she only wants to be around you bc she has a punching bag
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nta she invited herself and then invited her boyfriends children. you’re fine to enforce boundaries. you are under no obligation to stay this woman’s friend.
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i dont think you’re an asshole for this, but you’ve made some questionable decisions here. first of all you call this person your friend when it seems like you don’t even really like her, second when she asked what your plans are and she invited herself, you could’ve just said “oh sorry we really aren’t planning on inviting anyone, it’s just a small family thing”. i understand it can be awkward when you mention an event and someone invites themselves and you don’t have the heart to tell them they can’t come, but in this case, for an event like this, it would’ve been perfectly justifiable to just say “oh it’s only a family gathering, we aren’t inviting friends”.
you’re definitely not the asshole, and at this point no one has really done anything, aside from your ‘friend’ inviting themselves, which is asshole behaviour but could’ve easily been avoided, i’d be interested in seeing the conversation that lead to her inviting herself to be honest, maybe there actually wasn’t anything you could do, but i honestly doubt that.
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esh. you less so then your friend, but still. you are just trying to keep the peace but honesty your friend sounds like a terrible person. you are ta because your kids parties should be about them and involve the people they want there. and obviously this is going to cause tenson not only between you and your wife, but probably with your kids and other guests as well. and i get you have been friends for a while but an actual friend wouldn't force themselves into your plans then invite more people to a party that isn't theirs. your friend is definitely a bigger ta then you. i agree with your wife that they only want to use you and make you feel bad. my advice is uninvite her then drop that friendship like the rotten fruit it is.
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nta. it is always frustrating for me when people allow those that treat them poorly to have so much influence on their life. it is a way more reasonable plan for her to come on time with her child than to come late with a train of folks who don't know your children, whose birthday celebration it is. you have already done enough. if she is unhappy about it, let her be.
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nta. she invited herself to something she wasn't invited to (and you let her walk all over you doing so because she would start a fight with you if you didn't). instead of showing up on time, she decides she will come late (rude). then she decides that her boyfriend and boyfriends kids will be coming (not invited, very rude). and then refuses to talk to you anymore when you say no (rude again).
>she was excited and basically invited herself, 3 times! i had no other option but say ok.
you had the option to say no because it's only for close family members.
>when i told my wife about this she was a bit upset since we wanted to have only close family members and also because she always stresses us out.
so when she comes to stuff like this, she causes you and your wife significant stress? sounds lovely
>i agreed but told her that there was no way to tell her i wouldn't invite her that wouldn't cause a major fight.
you can't tell her she's not invited to an event for close family only without a fight? come on
>i never imagined when i told her that she would invite herself.
yeah but you know how she is and are you really surprised this happened?
look, your wife is right about her. she does not sound like a good friend. she causes you stress, crosses boundaries, and starts fights when she doesn't get what she wants.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.034939 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a friend (f34) from highschool with whom i have a troubled relationship for years now. i'm 34 f married to a woman for a few years now and my wife dislikes my friend cause she has seen first hand her misstreating me or making me feel bad for things i didn't deserve to feel bad about and also she thinks my friend only comes to me when she needs something and is never there for me. we have two children together, and both their birthdays are in december. our oldest (m) just turned 5 and our youngest will be 2 on friday. a few days before my son's birthday this friend of mine sent me an mp asking me what i was going to do for the children's birthdays this year. this was a bit odd since the only birthday she ever managed to get to was my son's 1st birthday. i told her since my son was turning 5 we're goin to celebrate his birthday on a party center , so only children would be invited, and since my daughter would turn 2 just 5 days after we were going to celebrate her birthday as a double birthday with close family members. she was excited and basically invited herself, 3 times! i had no other option but say ok. when i told my wife about this she was a bit upset since we wanted to have only close family members and also because she always stresses us out. i agreed but told her that there was no way to tell her i wouldn't invite her that wouldn't cause a major fight. i never imagined when i told her that she would invite herself. so we agreed that it would just be better at this point to keep her invitation on. &#x200b; so today i sent her a message reminding her of my daughter's party plan (time and place - our house). my friend has a 1 year old herself and is in a relationship with someone with whom she lives with. i was expecting her to bring her son and maybe her boyfriend, even though this is a very small gathering (we literally only invited 5 other people). she replied that she was probably going to get here later because her boyfriend had his children (2 boys, 4 and 8) this weekend and they had football practice until late, and she added something like "you don't mind that they all tag along, right?". i barelly know her boyfriend. from what i know, i don't really like him (i never told her this). i don't know his children but i know they are very disruptive (she told me). and also i didn't want all of them coming because eventually i'm going to share some pictures and some of our friends (that we didn't invite because we never planned on inviting friends, only close family members) are going to be upset with us thinking we left them out of the party. so i politely told her the reasons why i didn't want her coming here with her boyfriend and his 2 children and asked her if maybe she could come with her son only while her boyfriend goes to practice with his sons? &#x200b; she hasn't replied back and i feel horrible, but i honestly don't want all of them here
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a friend (f34) from highschool with whom i have a troubled relationship for years now. i'm 34 f married to a woman for a few years now and my wife dislikes my friend cause she has seen first hand her misstreating me or making me feel bad for things i didn't deserve to feel bad about and also she thinks my friend only comes to me when she needs something and is never there for me. we have two children together, and both their birthdays are in december. our oldest (m) just turned 5 and our youngest will be 2 on friday. a few days before my son's birthday this friend of mine sent me an mp asking me what i was going to do for the children's birthdays this year. this was a bit odd since the only birthday she ever managed to get to was my son's 1st birthday. i told her since my son was turning 5 we're goin to celebrate his birthday on a party center , so only children would be invited, and since my daughter would turn 2 just 5 days after we were going to celebrate her birthday as a double birthday with close family members. she was excited and basically invited herself, 3 times! i had no other option but say ok. when i told my wife about this she was a bit upset since we wanted to have only close family members and also because she always stresses us out. i agreed but told her that there was no way to tell her i wouldn't invite her that wouldn't cause a major fight. i never imagined when i told her that she would invite herself. so we agreed that it would just be better at this point to keep her invitation on. &#x200b; so today i sent her a message reminding her of my daughter's party plan (time and place - our house). my friend has a 1 year old herself and is in a relationship with someone with whom she lives with. i was expecting her to bring her son and maybe her boyfriend, even though this is a very small gathering (we literally only invited 5 other people). she replied that she was probably going to get here later because her boyfriend had his children (2 boys, 4 and 8) this weekend and they had football practice until late, and she added something like "you don't mind that they all tag along, right?". i barelly know her boyfriend. from what i know, i don't really like him (i never told her this). i don't know his children but i know they are very disruptive (she told me). and also i didn't want all of them coming because eventually i'm going to share some pictures and some of our friends (that we didn't invite because we never planned on inviting friends, only close family members) are going to be upset with us thinking we left them out of the party. so i politely told her the reasons why i didn't want her coming here with her boyfriend and his 2 children and asked her if maybe she could come with her son only while her boyfriend goes to practice with his sons? &#x200b; she hasn't replied back and i feel horrible, but i honestly don't want all of them here [/INST] nta tough love here girl but you need to grow a pair and dump her ass. she’s not a friend if she’s mistreating you. she only wants to be around you bc she has a punching bag </s>
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WIBTA if I police my dad's youtube watching?
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my dad is 65 and has never been the most socially well adjusted guy. as far as i remember, he's always hovered on the odd edge of conspiracy theories, but it's mostly harmless stuff like ancient aliens crap.
i recently checked in on him and he's fallen completely into wacko nutso conspiracy theory side. like trump was sent by god to save the us. the feds deliberately started ca wildfires for some alien contacting purposes (i don't really know and i don't want to know). school shootings were staged. stuff like that.
i know why he's like that. he's deeply terrified that the world is chaotic and terrible/dumb things happen for no reason. he always needs a reason (also why he's deeply religious) and someone to blame. he's always had trouble at work and refuses to believe coworkers when make dumb mistakes (because that would acknowledge that humans are dumb and make dumb mistakes). he always thinks they're secretly plotting against him instead of just accepting that his damn coworkers are occasionally retarded.
anyways, would i be the asshole if i messed around on his account to block channels? i don't even know how i just need it to stop and stop feeding his wacko belief. he's beyond reasoning and it feels like only censoring content is going to stop him. he's spent hours binging increasingly insane channels and getting worse and worse stuff recommended to him! i tried to talk him and he's just...all like "that's what they want you to think."
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dxj9ni/wibta_if_i_police_my_dads_youtube_watching/
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2019-11-17 06:39:51
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nah
so as an avid youtube watcher, i know how the rabbit hole works. i'll be watching a gordan ramsey receipe video and before i know it i'm watching a video about an abandoned motel in indiana.
i dont really know how i got there and i'm not sorry about it.
unless he starts watching morgz, just let him be entertained by the magical content at our fingers.
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yta because he is an adult, even though it sounds like--and i am no pro, and lack context--he *may* need some mental health help. if you are concerned he is a risk to others or himself, contact the appropriate authorities. if you just start blocking sites, that'll become part of the conspiracy and could just worsen his state. he is in his home and free to watch whatever shitty-but-legal youtube drivel he wants.
if this is making you very uncomfortable it is time to get away and cut ties.
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i believe your dad needs a mental health assessment. i’ve seen alzheimer’s and other degenerative conditions begin like this. this level of paranoia and persecution complex could be a big red flag
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yta if you wanna control your dad that much put him in a home otherwise let the man be. most of that stuff will be removed by the end of the year with youtube’s new policy anyways.
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nah, but i'm pretty sure blocking his conspiracy content will only serve to convince him the secret government is trying to "suppress the truth."
the best you can do is tell him how you feel... that his obsession is destroying and you, because you care about him and it hurts you to watch him go down that hole.
also, point out that if he truly believed all this, then what makes him think he can do anything about any of it?
it's consuming his life, and is an addiction like any other. as an alcoholic, i can promise you that i could always find a way to get alcohol. an addict will always be extremely devoted to getting their fix. the same will be true for your father.
i say all this with the full knowledge that my own father is a trump-loving, religious fanatic. i can't fix him. i **want** to fix him, but anything i would try would be insufficient. he will have to decide to pull away on his own. he will have to **want** to quit before he can actually start breaking free.
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yta.. i understand that you mean well but flip this scenario. you support a certain candidate that your dad does not agree with and doesn't think you should be viewing any content regarding that candidate. should he go in to your account and block sites where you get most of your news? of course not so neither should you.
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ywbta for messing with his channels. try talking to other adults he respects about his obsessions and get them to talk to him - maybe he needs counselling.
| null | null | null |
NAH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null | null | 0.176777 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my dad is 65 and has never been the most socially well adjusted guy. as far as i remember, he's always hovered on the odd edge of conspiracy theories, but it's mostly harmless stuff like ancient aliens crap. i recently checked in on him and he's fallen completely into wacko nutso conspiracy theory side. like trump was sent by god to save the us. the feds deliberately started ca wildfires for some alien contacting purposes (i don't really know and i don't want to know). school shootings were staged. stuff like that. i know why he's like that. he's deeply terrified that the world is chaotic and terrible/dumb things happen for no reason. he always needs a reason (also why he's deeply religious) and someone to blame. he's always had trouble at work and refuses to believe coworkers when make dumb mistakes (because that would acknowledge that humans are dumb and make dumb mistakes). he always thinks they're secretly plotting against him instead of just accepting that his damn coworkers are occasionally retarded. anyways, would i be the asshole if i messed around on his account to block channels? i don't even know how i just need it to stop and stop feeding his wacko belief. he's beyond reasoning and it feels like only censoring content is going to stop him. he's spent hours binging increasingly insane channels and getting worse and worse stuff recommended to him! i tried to talk him and he's just...all like "that's what they want you to think."
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my dad is 65 and has never been the most socially well adjusted guy. as far as i remember, he's always hovered on the odd edge of conspiracy theories, but it's mostly harmless stuff like ancient aliens crap. i recently checked in on him and he's fallen completely into wacko nutso conspiracy theory side. like trump was sent by god to save the us. the feds deliberately started ca wildfires for some alien contacting purposes (i don't really know and i don't want to know). school shootings were staged. stuff like that. i know why he's like that. he's deeply terrified that the world is chaotic and terrible/dumb things happen for no reason. he always needs a reason (also why he's deeply religious) and someone to blame. he's always had trouble at work and refuses to believe coworkers when make dumb mistakes (because that would acknowledge that humans are dumb and make dumb mistakes). he always thinks they're secretly plotting against him instead of just accepting that his damn coworkers are occasionally retarded. anyways, would i be the asshole if i messed around on his account to block channels? i don't even know how i just need it to stop and stop feeding his wacko belief. he's beyond reasoning and it feels like only censoring content is going to stop him. he's spent hours binging increasingly insane channels and getting worse and worse stuff recommended to him! i tried to talk him and he's just...all like "that's what they want you to think." [/INST] nah so as an avid youtube watcher, i know how the rabbit hole works. i'll be watching a gordan ramsey receipe video and before i know it i'm watching a video about an abandoned motel in indiana. i dont really know how i got there and i'm not sorry about it. unless he starts watching morgz, just let him be entertained by the magical content at our fingers. </s>
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Aita for "doing the devil's work" to get extra money?
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i (19f) am still staying at home with my parents and sibling (f11) while i put myself through college because my parents can't afford to. i work and study part time to be able to achieve this. my parents have always been a little conservative but we get along well.
since i'm paying for myself through college and trying to save up for a place as well, i need all the money i can get. i have loved writing since i was young and last year i got introduced to erotic fiction. i started writing my own material and getting paid for it. it became more of a hobby that i get paid for because i really enjoy writing it.
i have my own room so i never really had a problem with privacy however my mother went into my room while i was at work and saw my material which i forgot to put in my drawer. she called me at work and went ballistic telling me that i have a dirty mind and doing 'the devil's work'. i told her it's just fiction and i get paid for it but she just did not want to hear that.
when i got home later that day she tried getting my father on her side but he did not want to get involved. she ended up calling me an asshole and saying what if my sister had been exposed to it. i have to admit,the thought of that had me thinking that i'm an asshole for not being more careful. am i?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j4ob1y/aita_for_doing_the_devils_work_to_get_extra_money/
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2020-10-03 22:42:20
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nta, but definitely keep your computer locked.
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uhh. nta for writing the erotic fiction, though i do agree with needing the security upped on it. mom could’ve handled it a bit better.
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nta. you do you. you make your own money and regardlesa of how you do it, that's to be praised.
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nta, but put a lock on your door
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nta, chase that bag. your parents seem a bit old-fashioned
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nta but keep that stuff locked up so your sister doesnt get to it, 11 seems a bit young for some of the fic i’ve seen.
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nta - she didn’t need to be in your room, you’re an adult- and another thing, you’re an adult it’s not like erotic fiction is inappropriate for your age or something, your mom didn’t need to react so badly. you should definitely keep your material somewhere more protected though.
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nta but remember to put it away next time.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (19f) am still staying at home with my parents and sibling (f11) while i put myself through college because my parents can't afford to. i work and study part time to be able to achieve this. my parents have always been a little conservative but we get along well. since i'm paying for myself through college and trying to save up for a place as well, i need all the money i can get. i have loved writing since i was young and last year i got introduced to erotic fiction. i started writing my own material and getting paid for it. it became more of a hobby that i get paid for because i really enjoy writing it. i have my own room so i never really had a problem with privacy however my mother went into my room while i was at work and saw my material which i forgot to put in my drawer. she called me at work and went ballistic telling me that i have a dirty mind and doing 'the devil's work'. i told her it's just fiction and i get paid for it but she just did not want to hear that. when i got home later that day she tried getting my father on her side but he did not want to get involved. she ended up calling me an asshole and saying what if my sister had been exposed to it. i have to admit,the thought of that had me thinking that i'm an asshole for not being more careful. am i?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (19f) am still staying at home with my parents and sibling (f11) while i put myself through college because my parents can't afford to. i work and study part time to be able to achieve this. my parents have always been a little conservative but we get along well. since i'm paying for myself through college and trying to save up for a place as well, i need all the money i can get. i have loved writing since i was young and last year i got introduced to erotic fiction. i started writing my own material and getting paid for it. it became more of a hobby that i get paid for because i really enjoy writing it. i have my own room so i never really had a problem with privacy however my mother went into my room while i was at work and saw my material which i forgot to put in my drawer. she called me at work and went ballistic telling me that i have a dirty mind and doing 'the devil's work'. i told her it's just fiction and i get paid for it but she just did not want to hear that. when i got home later that day she tried getting my father on her side but he did not want to get involved. she ended up calling me an asshole and saying what if my sister had been exposed to it. i have to admit,the thought of that had me thinking that i'm an asshole for not being more careful. am i? [/INST] nta, but definitely keep your computer locked. </s>
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AITA for refusing to try to book time off for my niece's birthday party?
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so i'm in my early 30s, as is my cousin. her daughter (i call her my niece and she calls me auntie) is turning 5 in a week.
i was only informed yesterday that i was invited to her birthday party. its on a saturday that i have to work, and when i checked the rota system it was in red, which means it's been fully booked by other people. it's during the day, 1pm until 4pm.
i don't finish until 5pm that day, and it's then a 90 minute drive. i explained this to my cousin and said i'll happily get there for about 7 to give her a present and spend time with her before bed. my cousin said that isn't fair, and that i should try to book the day off.
i explained it's fully booked, and there's no point in trying, which caused a row. i also suggested coming on the friday itself, which is her birthday, and picking her up after school, but my cousin said they already had plans for her birthday.
her side of the family is now saying i'm unfair and mean because i won't try to book, which is why i think i could be the asshole. but at the same time, i know that if i try to book that day, i'll be refused and told off for trying to book so close to the day.
aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n333ic/aita_for_refusing_to_try_to_book_time_off_for_my/
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2021-05-02 09:46:46
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nta. if they needed you there so bad, they should have told you sooner.
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nta
>my cousin said that isn't fair
what isn't fair is to expect everyone to drop everything with a weeks notice.
what also is not fair is to give you grief about not being able to get a day off when you are bending over backwards to make this work somehow.
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nta
do not jeopardize your work relationships for a birthday party. they’ll simply have to get over it.
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nta - you only found out yesterday, for most work places that’s far too short notice. your cousin should have told you sooner.
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nta
you can't expect someone to drop everything on a short notice for a kids birthday party. people have got to work.
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nta--you did try. you looked in the system, and getting time off for a non-emergency situation is not possible.
you can ask someone that handles scheduling if they think it would even be possible, and when they say no, you can say you asked and still can't get the time off.
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nta. slowly clicking with the mouse around. "i tried, got rejected, sorry. boss is jerk".
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nta it sounds like you are doing everything you can to see your niece and being completely reasonable. it’s your cousin who is being unreasonable. the last minute notice is bad enough, but to have you take off is ridiculous. it’s a kids party. i have a daughter and i see no reason why extended family even needs to be at a kids party. usually by the age of five they just want to play with their friends and same-age cousins. there is no reason to cause an issue at work for this. and why does extended family even care or have an opinion about this, it’s a five year old birthday, not the royal wedding.
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nta but honestly i'd be tempted to white lie and say you'll ask. then say you were refused.
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nta she obv knows you don't work like 9-5 mon-friday job so she should have told you way in advance to give you time to make sure you can take sat off.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i'm in my early 30s, as is my cousin. her daughter (i call her my niece and she calls me auntie) is turning 5 in a week. i was only informed yesterday that i was invited to her birthday party. its on a saturday that i have to work, and when i checked the rota system it was in red, which means it's been fully booked by other people. it's during the day, 1pm until 4pm. i don't finish until 5pm that day, and it's then a 90 minute drive. i explained this to my cousin and said i'll happily get there for about 7 to give her a present and spend time with her before bed. my cousin said that isn't fair, and that i should try to book the day off. i explained it's fully booked, and there's no point in trying, which caused a row. i also suggested coming on the friday itself, which is her birthday, and picking her up after school, but my cousin said they already had plans for her birthday. her side of the family is now saying i'm unfair and mean because i won't try to book, which is why i think i could be the asshole. but at the same time, i know that if i try to book that day, i'll be refused and told off for trying to book so close to the day. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i'm in my early 30s, as is my cousin. her daughter (i call her my niece and she calls me auntie) is turning 5 in a week. i was only informed yesterday that i was invited to her birthday party. its on a saturday that i have to work, and when i checked the rota system it was in red, which means it's been fully booked by other people. it's during the day, 1pm until 4pm. i don't finish until 5pm that day, and it's then a 90 minute drive. i explained this to my cousin and said i'll happily get there for about 7 to give her a present and spend time with her before bed. my cousin said that isn't fair, and that i should try to book the day off. i explained it's fully booked, and there's no point in trying, which caused a row. i also suggested coming on the friday itself, which is her birthday, and picking her up after school, but my cousin said they already had plans for her birthday. her side of the family is now saying i'm unfair and mean because i won't try to book, which is why i think i could be the asshole. but at the same time, i know that if i try to book that day, i'll be refused and told off for trying to book so close to the day. aita? [/INST] nta. if they needed you there so bad, they should have told you sooner. </s>
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AITA For Not Wanting To Be My Sisters Drug Dealer
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i (22 f) have a medical marijuana card and i would buy my sister (25f) a cart every couple of weeks (no biggie).
she (25f) recently moved across the country to a state where marijuana isn't legal, and i told her when she moved i would not be sending her anything and she said ok.
she's been gone for like 3 weeks and she sent me a text saying she wants me to send her a cart because she's a heavy smoker and she's basically going thru withdrawal. however, i know that her and her boyfriend are really heavy smokers and are going to be hitting me up for carts every few weeks so i told her no again, i'm not mailing it and getting caught because neither of us have ever been in trouble with the law and i'm pretty sure sending weed across state lines is a felony. she's saying i'm being a bitch and a baby but am i the asshole here? i honestly can't tell if i'm just being too sensitive or if she's the asshole.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fozdqh/aita_for_not_wanting_to_be_my_sisters_drug_dealer/
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2020-03-25 22:10:34
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nta. i wouldn’t take that risk. tell her to find some locally. it’s anywhere and everywhere.
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nta. and maybe sister should consider moving to a state where marijuana is legal. you are correct that mailing drugs across state lines is a federal offense.
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uh. she's asking you to commit a bunch of federal and state crimes. it's a felony since it's across state lines, it's probably against the postal code which is another hedgehog to grab, also it's illegal in the target state so that's a triple whammy. how anyone could claim you're ta is beyond me. if you like, send an e-mail to your postmaster general, cc your sister and ask him to tell her why doing what she wants you to do is a terrible idea.
in general, i advise channeling bender: laugh at them. if they persist, go with "oh, you were serious. let me laugh even harder." laugh even harder.
also, take screenshots of the discussions and print them out. laminate them. when your family members come complaining to you that you're being horrible to your sister, ask them how many felonies is family supposed to buy for you?
oh, nta. of course.
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nta don't get yourself into a legal situation voluntarily. in fact she never should have asked you do something illegal. she moved herself, now she needs to sort out her own shit like an adult. heavy smoking is not an excuse. pretty sure there are dealers everywhere.
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nta. she needs to grow up.
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100% nta — you really don’t need to take this risk.
also if this is the united states she can easily find a dealer wherever she is. idk why she would try to put that risk on you.
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nta. you even warned her ahead of time and she said it was okay. not wanting to commit a federal offense doesn‘t make you a baby, it makes you smart and means you’re not a pushover. don’t let your sister peer pressure you; i hope everything works out okay for you, op!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (22 f) have a medical marijuana card and i would buy my sister (25f) a cart every couple of weeks (no biggie). she (25f) recently moved across the country to a state where marijuana isn't legal, and i told her when she moved i would not be sending her anything and she said ok. she's been gone for like 3 weeks and she sent me a text saying she wants me to send her a cart because she's a heavy smoker and she's basically going thru withdrawal. however, i know that her and her boyfriend are really heavy smokers and are going to be hitting me up for carts every few weeks so i told her no again, i'm not mailing it and getting caught because neither of us have ever been in trouble with the law and i'm pretty sure sending weed across state lines is a felony. she's saying i'm being a bitch and a baby but am i the asshole here? i honestly can't tell if i'm just being too sensitive or if she's the asshole.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (22 f) have a medical marijuana card and i would buy my sister (25f) a cart every couple of weeks (no biggie). she (25f) recently moved across the country to a state where marijuana isn't legal, and i told her when she moved i would not be sending her anything and she said ok. she's been gone for like 3 weeks and she sent me a text saying she wants me to send her a cart because she's a heavy smoker and she's basically going thru withdrawal. however, i know that her and her boyfriend are really heavy smokers and are going to be hitting me up for carts every few weeks so i told her no again, i'm not mailing it and getting caught because neither of us have ever been in trouble with the law and i'm pretty sure sending weed across state lines is a felony. she's saying i'm being a bitch and a baby but am i the asshole here? i honestly can't tell if i'm just being too sensitive or if she's the asshole. [/INST] nta. i wouldn’t take that risk. tell her to find some locally. it’s anywhere and everywhere. </s>
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AITA for not telling my wife about a joke my mom made years ago?
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i've been married for five years, and this happened when we were engaged. my mom never really approved of my wife. she isn't too bad as a mil, though she doesn't always invite us to family things, and provides childcare for my sister's kids and not mine, but she is usually alright when we see her.
a couple days after i got engaged, i was at my parents house and my mom was making lunch and asked if i wanted any. i said yes, so she came out with the sandwiches and everyone else had bacon, pepper jack cheese, tomato, lettuce, pumpernickel bread, and i had just turkey and white bread. i asked why and my mom said she thought i liked boring things, because i was marrying the human equivalent of that sandwich she made me.
i told her how inappropriate that was and she better never talk about her like that again, because if i have to chose, i will chose my wife. my little sister called me an asshole. my mom tried doing the fake crying thing, but my dad wasn't in the mood so she stopped, and my dad rolled his eyes at me, but she didn't do that again.
recently we saw my parents and we were grilling. my older sister's husband asked for pepper jack cheese, and my little sister (the one who called me an asshole) brought up that sandwich from years ago and how our mom is "iconic" my wife got mad that i never told her about my mom's joke. my mom was right there and said she doesn't have to apologize because "five year rule" whatever the hell that means. i told my wife that i dealt with it, but i didn't think it was a big deal. she still thinks i was wrong not to tell her, and i wasn't being part of a united front.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ju8xkg/aita_for_not_telling_my_wife_about_a_joke_my_mom/
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2020-11-14 20:42:42
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nta. your wife shouldn't be blaming you; your mom is nasty, op, i'm sorry to say it. nothing about the way you've described her suggests this is a relationship you should uphold.
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nta
you shut it down. you defended your wife. this shows you that your mom and sister still want to bully her though, and i would limit contact *if* i even stayed in contact. i would tell your wife you love her and knew it would hurt her feelings. you thought you handled it and wanted to spare her. i would be pissed at your mom tbh.
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nta, there would be no reason to tell your wife about your mom's shitty so-called joke, it could only possibly hurt her feelings.. which it did still, years later. plus your mom and sister suck.
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nta - i think you may have withheld it to spare your wife's feelings- particularly if your mother said this after you were newly engaged. i do think though, once your sister brought it up- it depends how you dealt with it in front of your wife. if you were passive she may have felt that you never dealt with it at all- whereas if you said something and stuck up for her in front of them she may not have felt so hurt. especially as you're now married and have been together a significant time.
your mother, however, is a huge asshole along with your sister. i know you say she is not 'too bad' of a mil but i will never understand how grandparents treat their grandkids differently because they disagree with their child's choice of spouse. she sounds malicious and spiteful- not iconic at all. there's nothing worse than a woman entering a family where the other women are unwelcoming and rude. it's highly immature.
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[deleted]
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nta - asshole over not telling your wife? no. wrong? yes. she should have been told that that is exactly how your asshole mother felt about her so that she didn’t have to spend years being forced to spend time with someone like that. your family fucking sucks dude, and your defense of “she’s usually alright” in person isn’t really a ringing endorsement. you know you mom’s an asshole, accept it.
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yta not for keeping the joke to yourself but for continuing to allow your mother to mistreat your family. she doesn’t invite you to family events or do things with your kids because she doesn’t like your wife. i would bet that over the past five years your wife has been the subject of abuse from your mother and sister but has tolerated it for your sake. too bad you don’t have her back in the same manner. your mother sounds awful and so does your sister. sister brings up the joke in front of your wife to hurt her and your mother does not have the common decency to apologize claiming some imaginary “5 year rule.” i feel bad for your wife. i say yta for allowing your wife to continue to suffer their abuse. time to think back on how your wife has been treated and ask her if there are incidents you are unaware of. time to stand up for her and your kids.
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nta. you defended her in front of your parents but that was really rude of your sister to bring it up. also, it has been a really long time and it wasn’t really necessary if you to tell your wife. your mom and sister are toxic af.
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nta but your family sucks. your sister is beyond rude to bring that joke up, and then basically praise your mom for being iconic. wth. if your wife chose to not socialize with them again, i’d support her. you’d think that after five years, your family would be more accepting of and welcoming to your wife.
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nah, except your mom, who is a nasty piece of work.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.048498 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i've been married for five years, and this happened when we were engaged. my mom never really approved of my wife. she isn't too bad as a mil, though she doesn't always invite us to family things, and provides childcare for my sister's kids and not mine, but she is usually alright when we see her. a couple days after i got engaged, i was at my parents house and my mom was making lunch and asked if i wanted any. i said yes, so she came out with the sandwiches and everyone else had bacon, pepper jack cheese, tomato, lettuce, pumpernickel bread, and i had just turkey and white bread. i asked why and my mom said she thought i liked boring things, because i was marrying the human equivalent of that sandwich she made me. i told her how inappropriate that was and she better never talk about her like that again, because if i have to chose, i will chose my wife. my little sister called me an asshole. my mom tried doing the fake crying thing, but my dad wasn't in the mood so she stopped, and my dad rolled his eyes at me, but she didn't do that again. recently we saw my parents and we were grilling. my older sister's husband asked for pepper jack cheese, and my little sister (the one who called me an asshole) brought up that sandwich from years ago and how our mom is "iconic" my wife got mad that i never told her about my mom's joke. my mom was right there and said she doesn't have to apologize because "five year rule" whatever the hell that means. i told my wife that i dealt with it, but i didn't think it was a big deal. she still thinks i was wrong not to tell her, and i wasn't being part of a united front.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i've been married for five years, and this happened when we were engaged. my mom never really approved of my wife. she isn't too bad as a mil, though she doesn't always invite us to family things, and provides childcare for my sister's kids and not mine, but she is usually alright when we see her. a couple days after i got engaged, i was at my parents house and my mom was making lunch and asked if i wanted any. i said yes, so she came out with the sandwiches and everyone else had bacon, pepper jack cheese, tomato, lettuce, pumpernickel bread, and i had just turkey and white bread. i asked why and my mom said she thought i liked boring things, because i was marrying the human equivalent of that sandwich she made me. i told her how inappropriate that was and she better never talk about her like that again, because if i have to chose, i will chose my wife. my little sister called me an asshole. my mom tried doing the fake crying thing, but my dad wasn't in the mood so she stopped, and my dad rolled his eyes at me, but she didn't do that again. recently we saw my parents and we were grilling. my older sister's husband asked for pepper jack cheese, and my little sister (the one who called me an asshole) brought up that sandwich from years ago and how our mom is "iconic" my wife got mad that i never told her about my mom's joke. my mom was right there and said she doesn't have to apologize because "five year rule" whatever the hell that means. i told my wife that i dealt with it, but i didn't think it was a big deal. she still thinks i was wrong not to tell her, and i wasn't being part of a united front. [/INST] nta. your wife shouldn't be blaming you; your mom is nasty, op, i'm sorry to say it. nothing about the way you've described her suggests this is a relationship you should uphold. </s>
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AITA for telling my gf she was entitled and greedy for trying to use my Christmas gifts?
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i (21f) just came home from christmas with my family. i was showing my gf (23f) the stuff my family got me. i got a body wash and she told me she was going to use it for a bubble bath. like i literally just got it and she’s already planning how she wants to use it. but i didn’t say anything. i also got a big bag of my favorite candy that i hadn’t even opened and she started telling me to give her some. so i gave her some but said something along the lines of “geez babe i just got these and you’re already asking for some”
and then she threw a fit and gave them back. so i got mad and told her she was greedy and always acting entitled to my stuff.
which i believe is true for more than just this situation.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zvgxf7/aita_for_telling_my_gf_she_was_entitled_and/
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2022-12-26 06:28:44
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nta
it's different to share something, but another to assume you can use or take something that someone has just immediately received. it's poor taste.
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nta those were gifted to you not the both of yall. establish boundaries and come to an agreement on how y'all want each others gifts to be used
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nta. you seem like you’re telling the truth without being intentionally hurtful and just speaking your truth based on how she acts
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nta those are gifts. to you. not her. it's unreasonable for her to just immediately assume you'd share. i guess no one taught her, or a lot of these commenters, that even though sharing sometimes is nice, you aren't obligated to sacrifice your belongings. shame.
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nta. you might want to edit to add that you pay for everything as it is and that she threatens you with self harm when you want to leave her (in comments) as it places all of this in a different context.
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wow she doesn’t contribute anything to the household ? why are people saying you are the problem?! you are not responsible for her feelings, go in with your life.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (21f) just came home from christmas with my family. i was showing my gf (23f) the stuff my family got me. i got a body wash and she told me she was going to use it for a bubble bath. like i literally just got it and she’s already planning how she wants to use it. but i didn’t say anything. i also got a big bag of my favorite candy that i hadn’t even opened and she started telling me to give her some. so i gave her some but said something along the lines of “geez babe i just got these and you’re already asking for some” and then she threw a fit and gave them back. so i got mad and told her she was greedy and always acting entitled to my stuff. which i believe is true for more than just this situation.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (21f) just came home from christmas with my family. i was showing my gf (23f) the stuff my family got me. i got a body wash and she told me she was going to use it for a bubble bath. like i literally just got it and she’s already planning how she wants to use it. but i didn’t say anything. i also got a big bag of my favorite candy that i hadn’t even opened and she started telling me to give her some. so i gave her some but said something along the lines of “geez babe i just got these and you’re already asking for some” and then she threw a fit and gave them back. so i got mad and told her she was greedy and always acting entitled to my stuff. which i believe is true for more than just this situation. [/INST] nta it's different to share something, but another to assume you can use or take something that someone has just immediately received. it's poor taste. </s>
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AITA for telling a new friend that im not comfortable in talking about "sex, penetration, and copulation" with them?
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so i, m[20], have met this new girl, f[20], a little while ago, and we slowly started to become friends. after a good while of knowing her, i have absolutely no feelings of intimacy towards her and i make sure i act that way in front of her. however, although she reassures me over and over again that im "literally like a brother to her", she doesnt act like that. she constantly sugarcoats how all the guys she knew keep asking her out and how "im different", that we "share a lot of things on common", she told me "i think i like you" on april fools, then when i figured it was a joke, she responded by "well how would you feel if i chose april fools day to tell, just so i can have a backup plan in case i got rejected?"... she keeps talking about marriage around me and how she cant wait to have children, and she even said "hey 'x', lets get married in two years." for which i replied to "i dont wanna get married to you, y, or to anyone really, eapecially in two years." now all these things could be a complete joke and im just getting the wrong idea, and thats just her way of being comfortable around me. recently, we were talking about something and the topic of "sexual pleasure" came up, so she proceeded by saying "hey did you know that when two people engage in copulation, it's actually painful?", at this point i straight up told her "im not comfortable in talking about sex, penetration, and copulation with you, y", and she got extremely offended by that phrase, claiming that this is not where she was going with this, and went on asking defensive questions such as "who do you take me as" and "idk why do you have a bad judgment of me". in reality, i really did not know where she was going with that question she asked, but i wanted to make it clear that in case this is where she was going, im not comfortable in talking about it with her. again, like i said, she could be acting completely friendly and innocently, but im sharing the details for a better judgment. so aita for saying what i said, knowing the mixed signals im receiving from her, and was my request of not talking about certain things with her a bit harsh and paranoid from my behalf?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fu80fl/aita_for_telling_a_new_friend_that_im_not/
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2020-04-03 13:01:23
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nta and time to put some serious distance between you and her.
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glossing over the judgement
>"hey did you know that when two people engage in copulation, it's actually painful?"
it really shouldn't be.
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nta, she's playing games with you. she doesn't talk this way to her other friends, and you certainly don't talk like that to your other guy friends, so take that as a clue that she just "has a back up plan in case she gets rejected," which is what she literally told you she was doing. sounds familiar, right?
*gets rejected* "omg how could you think i was going there with that, weirdo pervert"
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nta. "i don't like you like that op... unless"
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nta, she is being way too pushy. she knows that you don't see her in a romantic way, but keeps pushing you towards it with her conversational topics. if she was a male people would be calling her actions creepy and predatory. your gut is telling you that she wants more, she is telling you she wants more and you are trying to be decent and just be her friend. why she would bring up sex being painful is bizarre, because it isn't unless you're doing it wrong or have a medical condition that makes it painful.
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nta she’s not a friend if she doesn’t respect your feelings. she could be using you for attention which is why she’s saying whatever she wants under the guise that you’re just friends. i’m sure she has some feelings but is probably scared about crossing that line. i’m guilty of doing this to someone in college (not the sex convo part but pretty much everything else). he eventually said told me we couldn’t be friends anymore because it hurt too much. we haven’t talked since.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i, m[20], have met this new girl, f[20], a little while ago, and we slowly started to become friends. after a good while of knowing her, i have absolutely no feelings of intimacy towards her and i make sure i act that way in front of her. however, although she reassures me over and over again that im "literally like a brother to her", she doesnt act like that. she constantly sugarcoats how all the guys she knew keep asking her out and how "im different", that we "share a lot of things on common", she told me "i think i like you" on april fools, then when i figured it was a joke, she responded by "well how would you feel if i chose april fools day to tell, just so i can have a backup plan in case i got rejected?"... she keeps talking about marriage around me and how she cant wait to have children, and she even said "hey 'x', lets get married in two years." for which i replied to "i dont wanna get married to you, y, or to anyone really, eapecially in two years." now all these things could be a complete joke and im just getting the wrong idea, and thats just her way of being comfortable around me. recently, we were talking about something and the topic of "sexual pleasure" came up, so she proceeded by saying "hey did you know that when two people engage in copulation, it's actually painful?", at this point i straight up told her "im not comfortable in talking about sex, penetration, and copulation with you, y", and she got extremely offended by that phrase, claiming that this is not where she was going with this, and went on asking defensive questions such as "who do you take me as" and "idk why do you have a bad judgment of me". in reality, i really did not know where she was going with that question she asked, but i wanted to make it clear that in case this is where she was going, im not comfortable in talking about it with her. again, like i said, she could be acting completely friendly and innocently, but im sharing the details for a better judgment. so aita for saying what i said, knowing the mixed signals im receiving from her, and was my request of not talking about certain things with her a bit harsh and paranoid from my behalf?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i, m[20], have met this new girl, f[20], a little while ago, and we slowly started to become friends. after a good while of knowing her, i have absolutely no feelings of intimacy towards her and i make sure i act that way in front of her. however, although she reassures me over and over again that im "literally like a brother to her", she doesnt act like that. she constantly sugarcoats how all the guys she knew keep asking her out and how "im different", that we "share a lot of things on common", she told me "i think i like you" on april fools, then when i figured it was a joke, she responded by "well how would you feel if i chose april fools day to tell, just so i can have a backup plan in case i got rejected?"... she keeps talking about marriage around me and how she cant wait to have children, and she even said "hey 'x', lets get married in two years." for which i replied to "i dont wanna get married to you, y, or to anyone really, eapecially in two years." now all these things could be a complete joke and im just getting the wrong idea, and thats just her way of being comfortable around me. recently, we were talking about something and the topic of "sexual pleasure" came up, so she proceeded by saying "hey did you know that when two people engage in copulation, it's actually painful?", at this point i straight up told her "im not comfortable in talking about sex, penetration, and copulation with you, y", and she got extremely offended by that phrase, claiming that this is not where she was going with this, and went on asking defensive questions such as "who do you take me as" and "idk why do you have a bad judgment of me". in reality, i really did not know where she was going with that question she asked, but i wanted to make it clear that in case this is where she was going, im not comfortable in talking about it with her. again, like i said, she could be acting completely friendly and innocently, but im sharing the details for a better judgment. so aita for saying what i said, knowing the mixed signals im receiving from her, and was my request of not talking about certain things with her a bit harsh and paranoid from my behalf? [/INST] nta and time to put some serious distance between you and her. </s>
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WIBTA For calling out a sex worker for being a terrible person?
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hello, first time posting here boys and its a doozy for sure. so i am an avid supporter of sex workers, a lot of my good friends are sex workers, so i can understand what they do, how it works, whats the good and the bad of that type of work and so on. one person in particular i had added, mind you i wasn't friends friends with, just cordial. she had posted a cover photo of what at the time, i assumed was her. i said "wow what a beauty!" just being nice like i do with all of my friends, regardless of gender because i like to hype my buddies up.
she responded with "this is my wifes! you should totally buy her content!." i said, "oh i'm sorry i don't do that type of stuff." now if i said "lmao pornhub is free." or something on those lines i would suggest what happened next to be valid and deserving, but i didn't feel i said anything wrong.
her "wife." responded, "of course you won't buy content probably cause you're broke as fuck, cant afford it. i mean look at you, greasy hair, and terrible skin, you wouldn't be able to afford someone like my content anyways." i was pissed off at that, because it was extremely uncalled for, i said, "uh.. fuck you, that's number one, and number two i don't buy sexual content because an over amount of sexual actiivty triggers my ptsd from abuse when i was younger."
typically anybody would say to that, "oh i'm so sorry, i just misread what you said, and i saw red, please forgive me." you'd think that would be the response, no instead she wrote, "well, you should've just said something then." i rebutted back saying, "i should've randomly told you, a person i do not know, that i don't buy sex workers content because i was abused you fucking ingrate?"
she ended up blocking me, her partner, my "friend." said she was sorry, she just thought i was against sex workers. i see people do callout posts all the time and honestly, this person is a fucking half a meatball and nobody should give them their money.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h9j48b/wibta_for_calling_out_a_sex_worker_for_being_a/
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2020-06-15 16:02:27
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nta. you aren't calling her a terrible person because she's a sex worker, you're calling her a terrible person because of her response to you.
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nta. but you know, you don't have to respond to everything, right? when she asked you to buy you did not have to say "no". silence works too.
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nta
however, controversial, i wouldn't do it, the money might be your friend's source of income hence why they might be promoting it, the wife was in the wrong and your friend has taken your side on this
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nta. she reacted very rudely to someone not buying her content. imagine if this was another type of work instead like an artist. totally rude and unprofessional.
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nta. your reaction was valid but a little bit over the top.
her reaction on the other hand was uncalled for and just shows how spoiled she has become by taking nude pictures and selling them on the internet for some easy money.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello, first time posting here boys and its a doozy for sure. so i am an avid supporter of sex workers, a lot of my good friends are sex workers, so i can understand what they do, how it works, whats the good and the bad of that type of work and so on. one person in particular i had added, mind you i wasn't friends friends with, just cordial. she had posted a cover photo of what at the time, i assumed was her. i said "wow what a beauty!" just being nice like i do with all of my friends, regardless of gender because i like to hype my buddies up. she responded with "this is my wifes! you should totally buy her content!." i said, "oh i'm sorry i don't do that type of stuff." now if i said "lmao pornhub is free." or something on those lines i would suggest what happened next to be valid and deserving, but i didn't feel i said anything wrong. her "wife." responded, "of course you won't buy content probably cause you're broke as fuck, cant afford it. i mean look at you, greasy hair, and terrible skin, you wouldn't be able to afford someone like my content anyways." i was pissed off at that, because it was extremely uncalled for, i said, "uh.. fuck you, that's number one, and number two i don't buy sexual content because an over amount of sexual actiivty triggers my ptsd from abuse when i was younger." typically anybody would say to that, "oh i'm so sorry, i just misread what you said, and i saw red, please forgive me." you'd think that would be the response, no instead she wrote, "well, you should've just said something then." i rebutted back saying, "i should've randomly told you, a person i do not know, that i don't buy sex workers content because i was abused you fucking ingrate?" she ended up blocking me, her partner, my "friend." said she was sorry, she just thought i was against sex workers. i see people do callout posts all the time and honestly, this person is a fucking half a meatball and nobody should give them their money.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello, first time posting here boys and its a doozy for sure. so i am an avid supporter of sex workers, a lot of my good friends are sex workers, so i can understand what they do, how it works, whats the good and the bad of that type of work and so on. one person in particular i had added, mind you i wasn't friends friends with, just cordial. she had posted a cover photo of what at the time, i assumed was her. i said "wow what a beauty!" just being nice like i do with all of my friends, regardless of gender because i like to hype my buddies up. she responded with "this is my wifes! you should totally buy her content!." i said, "oh i'm sorry i don't do that type of stuff." now if i said "lmao pornhub is free." or something on those lines i would suggest what happened next to be valid and deserving, but i didn't feel i said anything wrong. her "wife." responded, "of course you won't buy content probably cause you're broke as fuck, cant afford it. i mean look at you, greasy hair, and terrible skin, you wouldn't be able to afford someone like my content anyways." i was pissed off at that, because it was extremely uncalled for, i said, "uh.. fuck you, that's number one, and number two i don't buy sexual content because an over amount of sexual actiivty triggers my ptsd from abuse when i was younger." typically anybody would say to that, "oh i'm so sorry, i just misread what you said, and i saw red, please forgive me." you'd think that would be the response, no instead she wrote, "well, you should've just said something then." i rebutted back saying, "i should've randomly told you, a person i do not know, that i don't buy sex workers content because i was abused you fucking ingrate?" she ended up blocking me, her partner, my "friend." said she was sorry, she just thought i was against sex workers. i see people do callout posts all the time and honestly, this person is a fucking half a meatball and nobody should give them their money. [/INST] nta. you aren't calling her a terrible person because she's a sex worker, you're calling her a terrible person because of her response to you. </s>
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AITA To expect my 18 year old daughter to help support her 2 cats?
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a little back story, i found a cat at my work and rescued it 2 years ago. my daughter claimed it as hers and took it when she moved out. while she was gone, we fostered 3 kittens we found again at my work and kept 1.she moved back home and brought another kitten with her. she then moved out and left both cats. she was out for about 2 and 1/2 months and moved back and now she decided to join the marines. her ship out date isn't until january. we agreed we would take care of the cats while she was gone. i have consistently bought catfood and litter for her cats and my one for the past 3 months. she has bought 1 container of cat food and maybe 3 bags of dry and 3 cases of wet. her older cat is 15 pounds and eats a lot. my one cat is an 8 month old kitten and is the same age as her other kitten. she has only been working part time since she uses her free time to go to the gym to train and to go study with her drill sargent for her asvab she thinks this exempts her because she doesn't make that much money ($12/hour 25 hours a week) she blows her money on stupid stuff like fast food, makeup, hard dye and those bird scooters. am i wrong for asking her to buy a couple of bags of food, cases of cans and litter every couple of months? this has been going on for over 6 months!
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jvecmw/aita_to_expect_my_18_year_old_daughter_to_help/
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2020-11-16 20:24:16
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nta, if she’s blowing money on dumb shit, she can help buy some bags of food and litter for her cats.
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nta. it’d be one thing if she bought food and litter *before* spending her money on “dumb” stuff. it’s called responsibility.
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nta how does she think she has what it takes for the armed forces if she can't take care of two pets?
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nta. and not to be rude, but she’s going to have a hard time in the marines.
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nta her cats her responsibility.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a little back story, i found a cat at my work and rescued it 2 years ago. my daughter claimed it as hers and took it when she moved out. while she was gone, we fostered 3 kittens we found again at my work and kept 1.she moved back home and brought another kitten with her. she then moved out and left both cats. she was out for about 2 and 1/2 months and moved back and now she decided to join the marines. her ship out date isn't until january. we agreed we would take care of the cats while she was gone. i have consistently bought catfood and litter for her cats and my one for the past 3 months. she has bought 1 container of cat food and maybe 3 bags of dry and 3 cases of wet. her older cat is 15 pounds and eats a lot. my one cat is an 8 month old kitten and is the same age as her other kitten. she has only been working part time since she uses her free time to go to the gym to train and to go study with her drill sargent for her asvab she thinks this exempts her because she doesn't make that much money ($12/hour 25 hours a week) she blows her money on stupid stuff like fast food, makeup, hard dye and those bird scooters. am i wrong for asking her to buy a couple of bags of food, cases of cans and litter every couple of months? this has been going on for over 6 months!
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a little back story, i found a cat at my work and rescued it 2 years ago. my daughter claimed it as hers and took it when she moved out. while she was gone, we fostered 3 kittens we found again at my work and kept 1.she moved back home and brought another kitten with her. she then moved out and left both cats. she was out for about 2 and 1/2 months and moved back and now she decided to join the marines. her ship out date isn't until january. we agreed we would take care of the cats while she was gone. i have consistently bought catfood and litter for her cats and my one for the past 3 months. she has bought 1 container of cat food and maybe 3 bags of dry and 3 cases of wet. her older cat is 15 pounds and eats a lot. my one cat is an 8 month old kitten and is the same age as her other kitten. she has only been working part time since she uses her free time to go to the gym to train and to go study with her drill sargent for her asvab she thinks this exempts her because she doesn't make that much money ($12/hour 25 hours a week) she blows her money on stupid stuff like fast food, makeup, hard dye and those bird scooters. am i wrong for asking her to buy a couple of bags of food, cases of cans and litter every couple of months? this has been going on for over 6 months! [/INST] nta, if she’s blowing money on dumb shit, she can help buy some bags of food and litter for her cats. </s>
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AITA for sneaking out of a “valet parking” area that wasn’t there when I parked?
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my spouse and i were recently in a small parking lot where half of it was arbitrarily roped off for “valet parking.” we found a spot right next to (but outside of) the roped-off area, and parked there. we made eye contact with the parking attendant to make sure this was okay, and he didn’t say anything. when we got out of our car and started walking away, we saw him move the rope so that our car was now within the valet parking area. when we got back to our car about 45 minutes later, he was turned away from us. so we just moved the rope back to its previous position and left as stealthily as possible because we didn’t feel like arguing with him. as we turned out of the parking lot, i saw the attendant glaring at us, and i’m kind of afraid he wrote down our license plate number. aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/exgwbj/aita_for_sneaking_out_of_a_valet_parking_area/
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2020-02-02 01:59:50
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nta, you parked in a non-valet area.
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nta, usually valet parking areas have a way out that isn’t roped up. maybe he was glaring at you for moving the rope and not taking the way out they have set up. i used to take a early morning yoga class at a mall, when i arrived it was earlier than valet set up, but by time i would leave the valet would be set and i was always parked in that area. wasn’t big deal, it was roped up, but has spot to pull out that wasn’t roped up.
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nta, seems like he was trying to get your money.
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nta. seems like he might have wanted to scam you
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nta. i never understood the point of valet parking. unless you're handicapped there's really no reason anyone can't park themselves. i once made the mistake of parking in a "valet" area even though the "gate" wasn't anywhere to be seen. it was at a hospital (yes you read correctly) and they announced over the loud speakers for the owner of such and such car to come to the front desk. i get there and no one knows anything about any annoucement. i go outside and talk to the booth attendant and this lady won't talk to me. just ignores me. so i went back inside and asked the help desk if there was anyone else i could talk to. the valet lady comes in and cocks an attitude with me like you wouldn't believe. she wanted me to pay for the spot. a full 7$. despite her obvious shitty attitude, i gave her the 7$. mostly because of my mistake but after looking back on things, i should've kept the 7$. i had to move the stupid "gate", which were three orange cones, when i left.
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if the valet did not have your keys, then no.
nta
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nta, he tried to pull a fast one on you but you were faster.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my spouse and i were recently in a small parking lot where half of it was arbitrarily roped off for “valet parking.” we found a spot right next to (but outside of) the roped-off area, and parked there. we made eye contact with the parking attendant to make sure this was okay, and he didn’t say anything. when we got out of our car and started walking away, we saw him move the rope so that our car was now within the valet parking area. when we got back to our car about 45 minutes later, he was turned away from us. so we just moved the rope back to its previous position and left as stealthily as possible because we didn’t feel like arguing with him. as we turned out of the parking lot, i saw the attendant glaring at us, and i’m kind of afraid he wrote down our license plate number. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my spouse and i were recently in a small parking lot where half of it was arbitrarily roped off for “valet parking.” we found a spot right next to (but outside of) the roped-off area, and parked there. we made eye contact with the parking attendant to make sure this was okay, and he didn’t say anything. when we got out of our car and started walking away, we saw him move the rope so that our car was now within the valet parking area. when we got back to our car about 45 minutes later, he was turned away from us. so we just moved the rope back to its previous position and left as stealthily as possible because we didn’t feel like arguing with him. as we turned out of the parking lot, i saw the attendant glaring at us, and i’m kind of afraid he wrote down our license plate number. aita? [/INST] nta, you parked in a non-valet area. </s>
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AITA for not giving a part of my PhD scholarship money to my parents?
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not long ago i started a phd abroad and i get a decent monthly stipend. after paying for my rent and groceries, i save about 50% of it (about 1100usd).
before the phd, i did my bachelor's in my country, did a master's abroad, all using my dad's finances. he took out a sum of his pension money and gave my siblings and i each a sum, which is mostly gone now. i'm very grateful that i am privileged enough thanks to my dad, the sole breadwinner of the family to get educated.
but when growing up, when i had health conditions that needed treatment, my parents would tell me they didn't have money. i suffered from sinusitis and i've always had some issues with breathing because of my open and cross bite. it was not until i was doing badly in school did my parents finally agree to get my sinusitis treated. this is despite my dad having serious spending issues. he can spend 2k on a single hobby in a month or two. when confronted, he says he deserves to spend his money on his hobbies because he is the sole breadwinner and needs to destress.
i didn't even have a desk as a teenager back then. the study room was his hobby room. i got myself a desk from my saved up pocket money but then eventually just studied outside. i also used the money during my master's to get my braces, because i finally had the financial capability (even if thanks to my dad) for it. my orthodentist told me i should have gotten treated as a child, because my case is complex to treat as an adult and it might take 3 years. on top of my living expenses, i also still pay 100 monthly for my braces. my parents said they would cover it because they promised me as a child before but they only gave a sum when i started treatment and nothing more. they told me later that they can't help me pay.
in a recent phone call, my dad asked why i didn't give a portion of my scholarship money. that i should have given something as a token, at least. for reference, i am asian and this is expected of children but i thought they would only start asking for money once i get an actual job after my phd.
i also gave my mom 100 because i thought i was overcharged on a telephone bill but it ended up being waived and i told her to keep it but it didn't count apparently.
i told my dad the grant is almost like a salary and the phd like a job but that ultimately it's a scholarship. i feel grateful i am where i am because of him but at the same time there were a lot of financial needs that were not met for me as a child due to his bad spending habits. he took out his pension fund and i feel bad for that because it's for his retirement, but i never asked him for it. neither of us did. i took the decision to do a master's after he told us about it. he also guilt trips me about paying for my education when i do something without asking for his permission or approval. i also went abroad to avoid this toxic environment at home...but i still feel guilty because he paid for me to be able to do this...
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vvrduz/aita_for_not_giving_a_part_of_my_phd_scholarship/
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2022-07-10 13:21:34
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nta. he paid all of kids not just you. unless the $$ given was a loan, i don’t see why there is a need to pay unless he is now in financial distress
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nta. your tuition money was given as a gift. if your dad was expecting something back in return, he should have told you that up front. if your family is in dire needs, it could be helpful to assist them, but even then, that would be your choice. your dad was free to spend/give his money as he wanted, just as you’re allowed to do the same.
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nta
your scholarship is for your education expenses and living expenses while you're working on your degree.
you should start thinking now about how you'll put boundaries on money for the future. if your father liquidated his pension for his retirement and distributed it between his kids, he may have done so because he thinks you kids are going to give him a better return on his investment. in other words, although there was no discussion about it being a loan, your father may expect to be repaid with interest... and his expectation of what is a reasonable repayment could exceed what really is reasonable. be prepared for your parents to ask for financial support in the future and plan to budget the repayment of the money they've give you, just in case.
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nta.
just my two cents. you shouldn't consider helping your parents financially until your established in your phd job.
your going to need some savings if the job involves moving, being able to put a down payment on an an apartment, or getting transportation and etc.
how sad would it be to have done all this work only to be to broke to get a good job?
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nta. this is difficult because cultural expectations vary. to put my response in context, i am an american female in my early 60s.
in my opinion it is not appropriate at this time to share your stipend money with your parents, assuming that they are still able to pay their basic living expenses. after you finish your phd and are earning a proper salary, then it would be fine to send money as expected of your culture.
however, i would advise you to not send the money directly to your father who has a history of poor spending habits and, from my perspective, a very chauvinistic and misogynistic attitude about family finances. your mother’s labor contributed to the health and wealth of your family and, in my very american point of view, her role as wife and mother gives her at least an equal say in how his earnings are spent, saved, and invested. when you do begin to send money, please do not send it in a manner that gives your father sole discretion to spend how he wishes. there needs to be a trustee or some joint decision making system in place to assure that both your parents are secure in their old age. try to come up with a long term plan in coordination with your siblings. do not squabble about who gives how much money before you all agree on the basic goals and the methods of funding your parents’ future basic needs.
congratulations on earning your master’s, and best of luck in your phd and future endeavors.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: not long ago i started a phd abroad and i get a decent monthly stipend. after paying for my rent and groceries, i save about 50% of it (about 1100usd). before the phd, i did my bachelor's in my country, did a master's abroad, all using my dad's finances. he took out a sum of his pension money and gave my siblings and i each a sum, which is mostly gone now. i'm very grateful that i am privileged enough thanks to my dad, the sole breadwinner of the family to get educated. but when growing up, when i had health conditions that needed treatment, my parents would tell me they didn't have money. i suffered from sinusitis and i've always had some issues with breathing because of my open and cross bite. it was not until i was doing badly in school did my parents finally agree to get my sinusitis treated. this is despite my dad having serious spending issues. he can spend 2k on a single hobby in a month or two. when confronted, he says he deserves to spend his money on his hobbies because he is the sole breadwinner and needs to destress. i didn't even have a desk as a teenager back then. the study room was his hobby room. i got myself a desk from my saved up pocket money but then eventually just studied outside. i also used the money during my master's to get my braces, because i finally had the financial capability (even if thanks to my dad) for it. my orthodentist told me i should have gotten treated as a child, because my case is complex to treat as an adult and it might take 3 years. on top of my living expenses, i also still pay 100 monthly for my braces. my parents said they would cover it because they promised me as a child before but they only gave a sum when i started treatment and nothing more. they told me later that they can't help me pay. in a recent phone call, my dad asked why i didn't give a portion of my scholarship money. that i should have given something as a token, at least. for reference, i am asian and this is expected of children but i thought they would only start asking for money once i get an actual job after my phd. i also gave my mom 100 because i thought i was overcharged on a telephone bill but it ended up being waived and i told her to keep it but it didn't count apparently. i told my dad the grant is almost like a salary and the phd like a job but that ultimately it's a scholarship. i feel grateful i am where i am because of him but at the same time there were a lot of financial needs that were not met for me as a child due to his bad spending habits. he took out his pension fund and i feel bad for that because it's for his retirement, but i never asked him for it. neither of us did. i took the decision to do a master's after he told us about it. he also guilt trips me about paying for my education when i do something without asking for his permission or approval. i also went abroad to avoid this toxic environment at home...but i still feel guilty because he paid for me to be able to do this...
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
not long ago i started a phd abroad and i get a decent monthly stipend. after paying for my rent and groceries, i save about 50% of it (about 1100usd). before the phd, i did my bachelor's in my country, did a master's abroad, all using my dad's finances. he took out a sum of his pension money and gave my siblings and i each a sum, which is mostly gone now. i'm very grateful that i am privileged enough thanks to my dad, the sole breadwinner of the family to get educated. but when growing up, when i had health conditions that needed treatment, my parents would tell me they didn't have money. i suffered from sinusitis and i've always had some issues with breathing because of my open and cross bite. it was not until i was doing badly in school did my parents finally agree to get my sinusitis treated. this is despite my dad having serious spending issues. he can spend 2k on a single hobby in a month or two. when confronted, he says he deserves to spend his money on his hobbies because he is the sole breadwinner and needs to destress. i didn't even have a desk as a teenager back then. the study room was his hobby room. i got myself a desk from my saved up pocket money but then eventually just studied outside. i also used the money during my master's to get my braces, because i finally had the financial capability (even if thanks to my dad) for it. my orthodentist told me i should have gotten treated as a child, because my case is complex to treat as an adult and it might take 3 years. on top of my living expenses, i also still pay 100 monthly for my braces. my parents said they would cover it because they promised me as a child before but they only gave a sum when i started treatment and nothing more. they told me later that they can't help me pay. in a recent phone call, my dad asked why i didn't give a portion of my scholarship money. that i should have given something as a token, at least. for reference, i am asian and this is expected of children but i thought they would only start asking for money once i get an actual job after my phd. i also gave my mom 100 because i thought i was overcharged on a telephone bill but it ended up being waived and i told her to keep it but it didn't count apparently. i told my dad the grant is almost like a salary and the phd like a job but that ultimately it's a scholarship. i feel grateful i am where i am because of him but at the same time there were a lot of financial needs that were not met for me as a child due to his bad spending habits. he took out his pension fund and i feel bad for that because it's for his retirement, but i never asked him for it. neither of us did. i took the decision to do a master's after he told us about it. he also guilt trips me about paying for my education when i do something without asking for his permission or approval. i also went abroad to avoid this toxic environment at home...but i still feel guilty because he paid for me to be able to do this... [/INST] nta. he paid all of kids not just you. unless the $$ given was a loan, i don’t see why there is a need to pay unless he is now in financial distress </s>
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AITA for wanting my boyfriend to throw away the Uber driver’s phone number?
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last night my boyfriend and i were out to dinner and called an uber to get home. the driver (a woman) pulls up and had her interior light on so we could see her at this point. she was wearing a short tube tank top with the midriff showing and some comfy sweats. she greeted us very friendlily and my boyfriend made some quick remark about her tank top, something like how it was cute.
he got in the front seat next to her with me in the back, which already made me upset. during the whole way home, they were having a friendly conversation, to the point where it was what i would consider flirty. at one point she said something about something she does being hard (difficult) and my boyfriend said “just like me,” as in him having a boner. i tapped him on the shoulder and whispered/hissed “what the fuck” and also texted him the same. he just texted back that he doesn’t know what to say to strangers sometimes and get flustered and says the wrong things.
when we got out she leaned over and gave him a piece of paper with her number on it. i was completely taken aback since when she had originally pulled up we had been holding hands and i thought it was obvious that we were a couple. when we got into the house and i said he was obviously going to through the number away, he got defensive saying now we have a contact for someone local who’s cool and who we can hang out with (neither of us have a ton of friends that we do stuff with).
aita for wanting him to throw it away and thinking he’s into her now and will cheat on me? i’m not sure if i’m being that paranoid/controlling girlfriend.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e4jh9t/aita_for_wanting_my_boyfriend_to_throw_away_the/
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2019-12-01 16:22:47
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nta. if he won't throw the number away, throw the whole man away
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nta, he wants to fuck her. if he wont throw out the number you need to throw him out.
also, "just like me"? he nasty.
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nta and completely inappropriate and disrespectful of him
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nta, but your bf sounds scummy. red flags everywhere...
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wow, nta here love, thats some deplorable behavior from your dude. i get being awkward around people, me too. but genital related flirting? that's saved for my so. i'd be upset if he didn't throw away that number aswell, it doesn't matter that you've now met a 'cool' uber driver, there's a ton more out there. also wouldn't trying to call for a ride negate the whole using the app thing?
seems to me that she made a move based on him sitting away from you, dick related comment and his general interest in her, not you. maybe get your so to read this thread later.
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nta, that’s pretty shady. if he’s willing do do crap like this in front of your face, i can see you being concerned. if you can’t trust him, it’s not gonna work.
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nta your boyfriend straight up flirted with her in front of you and took that girls number so he could hang out with her some more. drop him like a hot potato
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nta. you gotta get rid of this clown.
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nta. ew..what a creep! don’t make excuses for this guy - that was completely inappropriate
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big nta for this one, that’s totally inappropriate on both the driver and your boyfriend’s part. if he can’t tell a total stranger to back off then i doubt he would tell a girl he’s already interested in so that’s a big red flag for the future.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: last night my boyfriend and i were out to dinner and called an uber to get home. the driver (a woman) pulls up and had her interior light on so we could see her at this point. she was wearing a short tube tank top with the midriff showing and some comfy sweats. she greeted us very friendlily and my boyfriend made some quick remark about her tank top, something like how it was cute. he got in the front seat next to her with me in the back, which already made me upset. during the whole way home, they were having a friendly conversation, to the point where it was what i would consider flirty. at one point she said something about something she does being hard (difficult) and my boyfriend said “just like me,” as in him having a boner. i tapped him on the shoulder and whispered/hissed “what the fuck” and also texted him the same. he just texted back that he doesn’t know what to say to strangers sometimes and get flustered and says the wrong things. when we got out she leaned over and gave him a piece of paper with her number on it. i was completely taken aback since when she had originally pulled up we had been holding hands and i thought it was obvious that we were a couple. when we got into the house and i said he was obviously going to through the number away, he got defensive saying now we have a contact for someone local who’s cool and who we can hang out with (neither of us have a ton of friends that we do stuff with). aita for wanting him to throw it away and thinking he’s into her now and will cheat on me? i’m not sure if i’m being that paranoid/controlling girlfriend.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
last night my boyfriend and i were out to dinner and called an uber to get home. the driver (a woman) pulls up and had her interior light on so we could see her at this point. she was wearing a short tube tank top with the midriff showing and some comfy sweats. she greeted us very friendlily and my boyfriend made some quick remark about her tank top, something like how it was cute. he got in the front seat next to her with me in the back, which already made me upset. during the whole way home, they were having a friendly conversation, to the point where it was what i would consider flirty. at one point she said something about something she does being hard (difficult) and my boyfriend said “just like me,” as in him having a boner. i tapped him on the shoulder and whispered/hissed “what the fuck” and also texted him the same. he just texted back that he doesn’t know what to say to strangers sometimes and get flustered and says the wrong things. when we got out she leaned over and gave him a piece of paper with her number on it. i was completely taken aback since when she had originally pulled up we had been holding hands and i thought it was obvious that we were a couple. when we got into the house and i said he was obviously going to through the number away, he got defensive saying now we have a contact for someone local who’s cool and who we can hang out with (neither of us have a ton of friends that we do stuff with). aita for wanting him to throw it away and thinking he’s into her now and will cheat on me? i’m not sure if i’m being that paranoid/controlling girlfriend. [/INST] nta. if he won't throw the number away, throw the whole man away </s>
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WIBTA for leaving a bad hotel review they have bedbugs even though we got a refund and had promised not to leave negative review to get the refund
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we were staying at an apartment hotel in europe for 3 nights on a family vacation and there were bedbugs. the place had 5 star ratings from hundreds of reviews. my husband negotiated for our entire stay to be refunded in exchange for not leaving a negative reviewing saying they had bedbugs. my bites are huge and we had videos of the bugs too.
the more i think about it, the more i want to leave a negative review. my husband does not want me to leave a bad review since he promised the hotel managers we would not in order to get a refund. i was fine with it at the time but holy shit these bites are hellish and the worst thing ever. the bites got redder and i’m just cranky as hell. the stress and itchiness is driving me insane. i have over a dozen bites, all big and red, i’m itching like crazy, i’m stressed all our luggage has bedbugs, and i’m in fear our kids were bitten but just have delayed reactions. i’m the only one with bites, thankfully i guess.
i do not wish this on any future guests and i think it’s doing a disservice not warning future guests about this. i assume the managers will try to get rid of the bedbugs but i am not confident they will do a good job.
because the second night i suspected they had bedbugs and told them the next morning, they said they don’t think they do but would clean the apartment while we were out to make sure. when we came back they assured us the apartment was cleaned and they did not find anything. that night i saw bedbugs on the bed running around and took photos and videos and we wound up staying awake the whole night to avoid sleeping on the beds.
this was after they said they had made sure they didn’t find any bed bugs. when my husband talked to them later, they confessed they actually didnt know what they really were since they never ran into this problem.
i am not confident they know how to properly clean their apartment up. and think we should warn future guests.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bt428h/wibta_for_leaving_a_bad_hotel_review_they_have/
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2019-05-26 04:50:57
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nta. bedbugs are a big freakin' deal for a hotel. they owed you a refund, and to only give it to you in exchange for your silence is really coercive. definitely the sort of thing people should know about before they stay there.
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nta they suck for being disgusting and they suck for trying to hold you hostage on a refund. you did not sign a contract, you are under no obligation to indulge them. in fact, i'd also leave that they tried to force you not to make a bad review under threat of refusing a refund. (which they legally couldn't do in this situation by the way)
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nta-
bedbugs are a pretty big deal fam. if you feel that guilty about mentioning it in an online review you can always add that the hotel dealt with the situation appropriately to give them credit.
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nta. you deserved the refund and no one else should go there
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nta
refusing to give you a refund until you promised not leave a review is the real asshole move.
mentholated cream might help with the itching. something like icy hot or tiger balm.
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nta... you owe it to any future guests to let them know this place has cleaning and bug issues!!
you said your husband told them you wouldn’t leave a bad review and technically you can look at it as he can’t speak for you (although that may be an assholeish thing to do.) i wouldn’t make a habit out of going back on your (or your husband’s) word though and just call it your civil duty to warn others.
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nta if you didnt sign anything theres nothing they can do
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nta
you should’ve got a refund anyway and i think it’s really coercive of them to tell you that you wouldn’t get any if you gave a negative review. no one would want to pay for this service, so i understand that if you needed to lie to get a refund, you would.
moreover, it’s about the health of future customers now. a review should be an honest description of your experience, not some free advertisement you felt forced to give.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we were staying at an apartment hotel in europe for 3 nights on a family vacation and there were bedbugs. the place had 5 star ratings from hundreds of reviews. my husband negotiated for our entire stay to be refunded in exchange for not leaving a negative reviewing saying they had bedbugs. my bites are huge and we had videos of the bugs too. the more i think about it, the more i want to leave a negative review. my husband does not want me to leave a bad review since he promised the hotel managers we would not in order to get a refund. i was fine with it at the time but holy shit these bites are hellish and the worst thing ever. the bites got redder and i’m just cranky as hell. the stress and itchiness is driving me insane. i have over a dozen bites, all big and red, i’m itching like crazy, i’m stressed all our luggage has bedbugs, and i’m in fear our kids were bitten but just have delayed reactions. i’m the only one with bites, thankfully i guess. i do not wish this on any future guests and i think it’s doing a disservice not warning future guests about this. i assume the managers will try to get rid of the bedbugs but i am not confident they will do a good job. because the second night i suspected they had bedbugs and told them the next morning, they said they don’t think they do but would clean the apartment while we were out to make sure. when we came back they assured us the apartment was cleaned and they did not find anything. that night i saw bedbugs on the bed running around and took photos and videos and we wound up staying awake the whole night to avoid sleeping on the beds. this was after they said they had made sure they didn’t find any bed bugs. when my husband talked to them later, they confessed they actually didnt know what they really were since they never ran into this problem. i am not confident they know how to properly clean their apartment up. and think we should warn future guests.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we were staying at an apartment hotel in europe for 3 nights on a family vacation and there were bedbugs. the place had 5 star ratings from hundreds of reviews. my husband negotiated for our entire stay to be refunded in exchange for not leaving a negative reviewing saying they had bedbugs. my bites are huge and we had videos of the bugs too. the more i think about it, the more i want to leave a negative review. my husband does not want me to leave a bad review since he promised the hotel managers we would not in order to get a refund. i was fine with it at the time but holy shit these bites are hellish and the worst thing ever. the bites got redder and i’m just cranky as hell. the stress and itchiness is driving me insane. i have over a dozen bites, all big and red, i’m itching like crazy, i’m stressed all our luggage has bedbugs, and i’m in fear our kids were bitten but just have delayed reactions. i’m the only one with bites, thankfully i guess. i do not wish this on any future guests and i think it’s doing a disservice not warning future guests about this. i assume the managers will try to get rid of the bedbugs but i am not confident they will do a good job. because the second night i suspected they had bedbugs and told them the next morning, they said they don’t think they do but would clean the apartment while we were out to make sure. when we came back they assured us the apartment was cleaned and they did not find anything. that night i saw bedbugs on the bed running around and took photos and videos and we wound up staying awake the whole night to avoid sleeping on the beds. this was after they said they had made sure they didn’t find any bed bugs. when my husband talked to them later, they confessed they actually didnt know what they really were since they never ran into this problem. i am not confident they know how to properly clean their apartment up. and think we should warn future guests. [/INST] nta. bedbugs are a big freakin' deal for a hotel. they owed you a refund, and to only give it to you in exchange for your silence is really coercive. definitely the sort of thing people should know about before they stay there. </s>
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AITA for not coming out to my family or telling them I'm in a serious relationship or inviting them to my wedding?
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i'm 29m, gay, and my family sucks. i've always had a difficult relationship with my parents, my mother is a control freak and a helicopter parent, my father thinks a good father must be authoritarian, cold and distant, both of them have always treated me miserably in order to "teach me strength", they never told me they love me or that they're proud of me. my siblings and i have a bad relationship, my brother bullied me most of our lives and my sister dislikes and ignores me.
we aren't religious, we come from a big city in a modern country, gay people are everywhere, including among my parents' and siblings' friends. however, i chose not to come out to my family or tell them i'm seeing someone because i didn't want a potentially large topic of conversation. i don't want them asking me anything about my personal life, i don't want them knowing the person i'm with, i don't want them butting in.
i've been with my boyfriend for about 9 years. we met in college, moved in together after graduation and we're now engaged. i was able to keep all of this a secret because i live 400km away from my parents, they never visit me, and i rarely go home.
last week, my so and i hired a seemingly random photographer. a few days later, my mother called me and started freaking out and shouting at me about being gay and getting married without telling anyone. she did exactly what i was worried about - telling me she'll come over and help with the wedding, asking who he is, who his parents are and when her and my dad will meet them etc. then my aunt called to cry to me on the phone. apparently, the photographer is her friend's son and while talking to his mom about this gig, they figured out i was her friend's nephew. i usually have a good relationship with my aunt, but i never told her anything because i knew she'd tell my mom right away, which is exactly what she did.
so now, everyone is upset with me, parents, aunts, cousins, grandparents... some because i never shared this part of my life with them, some because none of them are invited to the wedding. the extended family think i'm behaving like an asshole and they want to be invited to the wedding. my mother keeps asking me what my so's last name is, because she wants to stalk him and his parents on facebook, to check if "they're politically appropriate" for me. she's called me more times in the past 3 days than since i moved away from home 11 years ago. she keeps texting me that i'll never see her or my dad again if i don't include them.
i honestly don't give a shit if my immediate family hates me because of this, but i don't want to fuck up my relationship with my grandparents and cousins. but i just don't want them at the wedding. we've invited 14 people total and i don't want to change that. if i invite some of them, i'll have to invite all of them, and i'm not doing that. am i being an asshole?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c870bp/aita_for_not_coming_out_to_my_family_or_telling/
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2019-07-02 09:10:42
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nta your wedding, your rules. you decide who you want at your wedding and to be honest i wouldn't blame you cutting off your immediate family cause they just sound like awful awful people. also congrats on getting married, here's to a long one.
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nta. i'm always amazed how shitty family members get so offended when they have to face the consequences. fuck...them!
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nta
tell them what you just told us. that they have been cold and distant your entire life and you didn't want to endure the drama they are displaying right now on the subject.
oh, and fire that photographer. if he wants to be a professional, he needs to learn to keep his business relationships to himself.
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nta. your wedding should be whatever you want it to be; no one else gets to dictate that, most especially asshole parents.
(seriously, wtf is she going to do if he's not "politically appropriate?")
maybe you can tell your grandparents and cousins that you want a small, private ceremony, hold to that, and work on strengthening relationships with them after. only true assholes push hard on inviting themselves, and it sounds like your parents are already working hard on making clear to everyone exactly why you might want a small, private ceremony.
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nta
if possible change photographers. and any details you think the photographer knows, even though that might be difficult . or at least have a talk with the photographer about how you didn’t tell them because the family is abusive and now they are harassing you.
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>she keeps texting me that i'll never see her or my dad again if i don't include them.
also
>i honestly don't give a shit if my immediate family hates me
dude just let them cut you out if they keep acting this way. you can rebuild relationships with your extended family after the wedding. nta, tell them you want a private ceremony, but you can have a family celebration except your parents aren't invited because they never want to see you again.
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nta—they are at best an existential risk to you having a good wedding. you don't have to brook that. the end.
if they want to ghost you, that will make a negligible change in your current relationship with them, and something about that threat screams bs to me anyway. even if it isn't, they'll come crawling back if you have kids.
ps—are you chinese. lol i'm sorry i had to ask.
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no.
and stop trying to be polite.
tell them how you really feel, and that they can go fuck off.
then block their numbers, and put your social media on lockdown (if you have social media)
then live your life without fear of these locusts returning to destroy your fields.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm 29m, gay, and my family sucks. i've always had a difficult relationship with my parents, my mother is a control freak and a helicopter parent, my father thinks a good father must be authoritarian, cold and distant, both of them have always treated me miserably in order to "teach me strength", they never told me they love me or that they're proud of me. my siblings and i have a bad relationship, my brother bullied me most of our lives and my sister dislikes and ignores me. we aren't religious, we come from a big city in a modern country, gay people are everywhere, including among my parents' and siblings' friends. however, i chose not to come out to my family or tell them i'm seeing someone because i didn't want a potentially large topic of conversation. i don't want them asking me anything about my personal life, i don't want them knowing the person i'm with, i don't want them butting in. i've been with my boyfriend for about 9 years. we met in college, moved in together after graduation and we're now engaged. i was able to keep all of this a secret because i live 400km away from my parents, they never visit me, and i rarely go home. last week, my so and i hired a seemingly random photographer. a few days later, my mother called me and started freaking out and shouting at me about being gay and getting married without telling anyone. she did exactly what i was worried about - telling me she'll come over and help with the wedding, asking who he is, who his parents are and when her and my dad will meet them etc. then my aunt called to cry to me on the phone. apparently, the photographer is her friend's son and while talking to his mom about this gig, they figured out i was her friend's nephew. i usually have a good relationship with my aunt, but i never told her anything because i knew she'd tell my mom right away, which is exactly what she did. so now, everyone is upset with me, parents, aunts, cousins, grandparents... some because i never shared this part of my life with them, some because none of them are invited to the wedding. the extended family think i'm behaving like an asshole and they want to be invited to the wedding. my mother keeps asking me what my so's last name is, because she wants to stalk him and his parents on facebook, to check if "they're politically appropriate" for me. she's called me more times in the past 3 days than since i moved away from home 11 years ago. she keeps texting me that i'll never see her or my dad again if i don't include them. i honestly don't give a shit if my immediate family hates me because of this, but i don't want to fuck up my relationship with my grandparents and cousins. but i just don't want them at the wedding. we've invited 14 people total and i don't want to change that. if i invite some of them, i'll have to invite all of them, and i'm not doing that. am i being an asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm 29m, gay, and my family sucks. i've always had a difficult relationship with my parents, my mother is a control freak and a helicopter parent, my father thinks a good father must be authoritarian, cold and distant, both of them have always treated me miserably in order to "teach me strength", they never told me they love me or that they're proud of me. my siblings and i have a bad relationship, my brother bullied me most of our lives and my sister dislikes and ignores me. we aren't religious, we come from a big city in a modern country, gay people are everywhere, including among my parents' and siblings' friends. however, i chose not to come out to my family or tell them i'm seeing someone because i didn't want a potentially large topic of conversation. i don't want them asking me anything about my personal life, i don't want them knowing the person i'm with, i don't want them butting in. i've been with my boyfriend for about 9 years. we met in college, moved in together after graduation and we're now engaged. i was able to keep all of this a secret because i live 400km away from my parents, they never visit me, and i rarely go home. last week, my so and i hired a seemingly random photographer. a few days later, my mother called me and started freaking out and shouting at me about being gay and getting married without telling anyone. she did exactly what i was worried about - telling me she'll come over and help with the wedding, asking who he is, who his parents are and when her and my dad will meet them etc. then my aunt called to cry to me on the phone. apparently, the photographer is her friend's son and while talking to his mom about this gig, they figured out i was her friend's nephew. i usually have a good relationship with my aunt, but i never told her anything because i knew she'd tell my mom right away, which is exactly what she did. so now, everyone is upset with me, parents, aunts, cousins, grandparents... some because i never shared this part of my life with them, some because none of them are invited to the wedding. the extended family think i'm behaving like an asshole and they want to be invited to the wedding. my mother keeps asking me what my so's last name is, because she wants to stalk him and his parents on facebook, to check if "they're politically appropriate" for me. she's called me more times in the past 3 days than since i moved away from home 11 years ago. she keeps texting me that i'll never see her or my dad again if i don't include them. i honestly don't give a shit if my immediate family hates me because of this, but i don't want to fuck up my relationship with my grandparents and cousins. but i just don't want them at the wedding. we've invited 14 people total and i don't want to change that. if i invite some of them, i'll have to invite all of them, and i'm not doing that. am i being an asshole? [/INST] nta your wedding, your rules. you decide who you want at your wedding and to be honest i wouldn't blame you cutting off your immediate family cause they just sound like awful awful people. also congrats on getting married, here's to a long one. </s>
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AITA for "fast laneing"
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hello lovely people of atia. i (m28) have this term i use called "fast laneing" where i quickly walk past people who are walking slow, moving to the side to pass them.
when i am with my fiancée (f28), and we are walking down a busy street or aisle in the grocery store, i will often whisper to her "fast lane" when there is a slower-walking person in front of us. we then walk quickly around said slow person and continue to our destination.
now here is the problem: my fiancée thinks this is disrespectful and does not like when i tell her we should "fast lane" someone. she is worried people will hear me say that and be angry we are trying to rush ahead of them.
i understand her concerns. i am not yelling that we need to "fast lane" these people, and i am not trying to push through a crowd. when space allows it, i will tell my fiancée we should "fast lane", and if she pushed back i will literally and figuratively stay in my lane.
she has more or less come around to the idea of using the fast lane when walking. she even commented on a little kid "fast laneing" us with his mother in tow as we were meandering down a grocery store aisle and she thought it was cute. so reddit, aita for "fast laneing"?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s8q2m3/aita_for_fast_laneing/
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2022-01-20 18:52:00
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nta. i despise getting stuck behind slow walkers. i’m sure there are people that will disagree, but as long as you’re not rude while passing them or bump them or whatever i think you’re fine. and i may steal your term.
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nta
full disclosure i also fast lane. ty for the term.
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nah but you don't need to say it. you're just overtaking someone going slower than you, it's normal, just do it. it sounds like saying it and the potential of people hearing it is the issue so that should solve it.
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nta - i hate speed bumps... people who just stop and seem to have no purpose or take forever to get an item they want. i would maybe ask your gf to suggest a less conspicuous word or phrase to use if she's worried about offending others around her. "tomato".
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nta, but maybe not "vocalize" your intention to "lane" someone, since the world is full of weirdos that might get offended. when i'm with my gf and want to "fast lane" someone, i usually squeeze her hand (when we are walking together we either walk holding hands or me hugging her by her shoulder, the prior when we are walking kinda fast and the latter when we are taking our time) to call her attention and pull her on the direction we are "laning"
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nta but maybe you can come up with another term that runs less risk of offending the slow-pokes?
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nta
but is there really a need to announce it?
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.000893 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello lovely people of atia. i (m28) have this term i use called "fast laneing" where i quickly walk past people who are walking slow, moving to the side to pass them. when i am with my fiancée (f28), and we are walking down a busy street or aisle in the grocery store, i will often whisper to her "fast lane" when there is a slower-walking person in front of us. we then walk quickly around said slow person and continue to our destination. now here is the problem: my fiancée thinks this is disrespectful and does not like when i tell her we should "fast lane" someone. she is worried people will hear me say that and be angry we are trying to rush ahead of them. i understand her concerns. i am not yelling that we need to "fast lane" these people, and i am not trying to push through a crowd. when space allows it, i will tell my fiancée we should "fast lane", and if she pushed back i will literally and figuratively stay in my lane. she has more or less come around to the idea of using the fast lane when walking. she even commented on a little kid "fast laneing" us with his mother in tow as we were meandering down a grocery store aisle and she thought it was cute. so reddit, aita for "fast laneing"?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello lovely people of atia. i (m28) have this term i use called "fast laneing" where i quickly walk past people who are walking slow, moving to the side to pass them. when i am with my fiancée (f28), and we are walking down a busy street or aisle in the grocery store, i will often whisper to her "fast lane" when there is a slower-walking person in front of us. we then walk quickly around said slow person and continue to our destination. now here is the problem: my fiancée thinks this is disrespectful and does not like when i tell her we should "fast lane" someone. she is worried people will hear me say that and be angry we are trying to rush ahead of them. i understand her concerns. i am not yelling that we need to "fast lane" these people, and i am not trying to push through a crowd. when space allows it, i will tell my fiancée we should "fast lane", and if she pushed back i will literally and figuratively stay in my lane. she has more or less come around to the idea of using the fast lane when walking. she even commented on a little kid "fast laneing" us with his mother in tow as we were meandering down a grocery store aisle and she thought it was cute. so reddit, aita for "fast laneing"? [/INST] nta. i despise getting stuck behind slow walkers. i’m sure there are people that will disagree, but as long as you’re not rude while passing them or bump them or whatever i think you’re fine. and i may steal your term. </s>
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AITA? My 8th grade bully
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years ago, in 8th grade, i was bullied every day in my history class by a kid who sat next to me. i’m 35 now and i still remember getting punched and verbally harassed when the teacher wasn’t looking. i was a scrawny kid and he was much bigger than me (i think he may have stayed back a year or two). i went to the princi”pal” and tried to get moved to another class. this was years ago when nobody cared about bullying so they said no and i had to just sit there and get abused physically and emotionally.
recently i learned that he he died a few months ago of a drug overdose. the first thing i thought was, karma’s a bitch. a few of my friends talked about how it is so sad. i am not sad at all. aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b0m0kg/aita_my_8th_grade_bully/
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2019-03-13 13:28:03
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nta for not mourning for that person, but yta if you bring that up to people who are. this isnt the time for his loved ones to hear something like that
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nah- you arent required to feel any particular way, as long as you aren't interfering in someone elses morning, you arent the asshole. also people change, just because your bully was ta in 8th grade doesn't mean he was ta for life.
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[deleted]
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nta, but keep it to yourself. you only become the asshole when you start going off on one and trying to get other people to understand the way you feel.
trust me i understand you, i got bullied mercilessly and now i have extremely negative feeling towards all of the people who bullied me. i don’t let it bother me on a day to day basis and i get on with my life happily, but i can’t say i wouldn’t have the exact thought as you if i were in your position.
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nta, that's ridiculous, say what you wish, just not to grieving family members
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.003383 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: years ago, in 8th grade, i was bullied every day in my history class by a kid who sat next to me. i’m 35 now and i still remember getting punched and verbally harassed when the teacher wasn’t looking. i was a scrawny kid and he was much bigger than me (i think he may have stayed back a year or two). i went to the princi”pal” and tried to get moved to another class. this was years ago when nobody cared about bullying so they said no and i had to just sit there and get abused physically and emotionally. recently i learned that he he died a few months ago of a drug overdose. the first thing i thought was, karma’s a bitch. a few of my friends talked about how it is so sad. i am not sad at all. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
years ago, in 8th grade, i was bullied every day in my history class by a kid who sat next to me. i’m 35 now and i still remember getting punched and verbally harassed when the teacher wasn’t looking. i was a scrawny kid and he was much bigger than me (i think he may have stayed back a year or two). i went to the princi”pal” and tried to get moved to another class. this was years ago when nobody cared about bullying so they said no and i had to just sit there and get abused physically and emotionally. recently i learned that he he died a few months ago of a drug overdose. the first thing i thought was, karma’s a bitch. a few of my friends talked about how it is so sad. i am not sad at all. aita? [/INST] nta for not mourning for that person, but yta if you bring that up to people who are. this isnt the time for his loved ones to hear something like that </s>
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AITA for wanting a divorce when my husband and parents don’t want me to
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my husband (38m) and i (35f)have been together for 10+years, married for 7. we have 2 kids, 8yo & 4yo.
in the marriage i have always been the breadwinner & financially supported the family. we’ve faced many challenges over the years including him cheating on me before we were married, and then me feeling as though he’s not doing enough to help me support our family.
he’s been in and out of work & has been a weed smoker which he sees nothing wrong with but i’ve felt he’s used as a crutch not to face issues in our marriage. in response to my needing support from him he feels i am nagging him and being impatient & treating him poorly by not recognizing his contributions to the relationship.
i had an emotional affair which ended but i have been unable to really shake the feeling of actually have someone who made me feel cared about even just emotionally because i i get so little of it in the marriage. my husband & i talked about it a lot and it usually ends on him yelling at me calling me a cheater.
he has involved our families both of whom are religious and made it clear that they don’t want us to end the marriage. he threw me under the bus revealing to our parents that i had an affair after which my mother said a prayer to seek forgiveness for my sins. i revealed to my mom that there was an incident between my husband and i where he had sex with me while i was unconscious & drunk, which made me feel completely violated.
it hasn’t changed her mind and the most hurtful thing she said to me is that she hopes my husband gets the kids because that’s what i deserve. she is furious with me that she feels i am not open to her advice about staying in the marriage but i am frustrated that nobody is listening to me & i am feeling attacked by everybody that is close to me, especially my husband who i feel is using my parents to guilt trip me into staying married while refusing to acknowledge any of his issues, only mine.
we went to couples counseling & the therapist said we were beyond repair. he refused to go complaining about cost. i pay for his health insurance and he doesn’t go consistently. i have gone alone to therapy for about 6 months now to try and address my own issues. it’s helped but it’s still a difficult situation.
i have a lawyer & i’ve filed the initial divorce paperwork. he has been difficult and is threatening to demand alimony and custody of the kids. he is living in the house which i am paying for the mortgage and bills for in full. i am in a hotel at the moment while my kids are with my sister for spring break as i don’t want the conflict because i am just spent & tired. i am just tired. i often catch myself thinking, am i the crazy one? i’m hurting my children. my parents are so upset with me. am i the asshole?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b7f30t/aita_for_wanting_a_divorce_when_my_husband_and/
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2019-03-30 19:37:00
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nta. i think if it nots working then it's not working. you have to find someone who you find fulfillment with and currently with your husband, that is clearly not happening. just show your kids that you still love them and that the divorce was nothing to do with them. also don't talk down about your husband because kids don't respond well to that (not saying you will, i'm just stating that). you have to do what's best for you not your husband and family (excluding kids, do what's best for them always).
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nta he clearly doesn't respect you. in fact what you call an incident is actually rape. your well being and the well being of your children should always come first. divorce him and don't look back.
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nta. your mother should be ashamed of herself. i would absolutely feel violated in the situation you described to her. what your soon-to-be-ex-husband did is literally illegal in my country (canada).
i know how it feels to enjoy spending time with another person more than a neglectful partner. i felt really guilty about that in a previous relationship, but now that i look back a few years on, i can clearly see that it was just an indicator there were problems.
it sounds like future-ex-husband is doing whatever he can - involving your parents, threatening to sue for custody - to try to perpetuate the status quo, where he can do what he wants and not do much of anything for you. that’s really sad. i’m sorry you have to deal with this, but despite the bullshit swirling around you (courtesy, in no small part, your parents) none of this is on you.
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thank you for your responses.
honestly it’s probably more difficult that my parents are not being supportive than it is to leave my husband which is an indicator to me that the marriage is definitely over.
extremely afraid for my kids but i wouldn’t expect either of them to stay in the marriage i’m in. and at the end of the day just want them to feel loved and the best i can do is love them no matter what.
exhausted thinking of the split ahead & continued family fall out but the anonymous support of internet strangers is helping today. thank you all.
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nta your husband raped you and your mom took his side? screw them and their extremist religious views. your kids will be better off not being around your parents and your shit bag of a husband.
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nta. your situation sucks but staying in an unhappy marriage won’t make it better. also, do you want your kids to grow up thinking that’s what a marriage should look like?
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nta. you committed to therapy which is more than most are willing to do. there's no way you're the asshole when you put in the work to try to fix it but it still isn't working.
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nta.
i rarely say this but you might need to divorce this guy its not your families choice its yours. go to therapy once more and give him an ultimatum shspe or you and the kids are gone.
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nta
i have zero advice. i think you’re making the right move here, from everything you’ve described.
the divorce is going to suck, i’m sorry to say. i hope your lawyer is a shark! good luck!
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nah - when it's time, it's time.
i'm changing my judgement after further analysis.
nta - get the fuck out now. these people, i know they're family, i know they think they love you and want whats best for you. honestly, if what you are saying is true, they're fucking monsters. life can be so much better, i promise.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband (38m) and i (35f)have been together for 10+years, married for 7. we have 2 kids, 8yo & 4yo. in the marriage i have always been the breadwinner & financially supported the family. we’ve faced many challenges over the years including him cheating on me before we were married, and then me feeling as though he’s not doing enough to help me support our family. he’s been in and out of work & has been a weed smoker which he sees nothing wrong with but i’ve felt he’s used as a crutch not to face issues in our marriage. in response to my needing support from him he feels i am nagging him and being impatient & treating him poorly by not recognizing his contributions to the relationship. i had an emotional affair which ended but i have been unable to really shake the feeling of actually have someone who made me feel cared about even just emotionally because i i get so little of it in the marriage. my husband & i talked about it a lot and it usually ends on him yelling at me calling me a cheater. he has involved our families both of whom are religious and made it clear that they don’t want us to end the marriage. he threw me under the bus revealing to our parents that i had an affair after which my mother said a prayer to seek forgiveness for my sins. i revealed to my mom that there was an incident between my husband and i where he had sex with me while i was unconscious & drunk, which made me feel completely violated. it hasn’t changed her mind and the most hurtful thing she said to me is that she hopes my husband gets the kids because that’s what i deserve. she is furious with me that she feels i am not open to her advice about staying in the marriage but i am frustrated that nobody is listening to me & i am feeling attacked by everybody that is close to me, especially my husband who i feel is using my parents to guilt trip me into staying married while refusing to acknowledge any of his issues, only mine. we went to couples counseling & the therapist said we were beyond repair. he refused to go complaining about cost. i pay for his health insurance and he doesn’t go consistently. i have gone alone to therapy for about 6 months now to try and address my own issues. it’s helped but it’s still a difficult situation. i have a lawyer & i’ve filed the initial divorce paperwork. he has been difficult and is threatening to demand alimony and custody of the kids. he is living in the house which i am paying for the mortgage and bills for in full. i am in a hotel at the moment while my kids are with my sister for spring break as i don’t want the conflict because i am just spent & tired. i am just tired. i often catch myself thinking, am i the crazy one? i’m hurting my children. my parents are so upset with me. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband (38m) and i (35f)have been together for 10+years, married for 7. we have 2 kids, 8yo & 4yo. in the marriage i have always been the breadwinner & financially supported the family. we’ve faced many challenges over the years including him cheating on me before we were married, and then me feeling as though he’s not doing enough to help me support our family. he’s been in and out of work & has been a weed smoker which he sees nothing wrong with but i’ve felt he’s used as a crutch not to face issues in our marriage. in response to my needing support from him he feels i am nagging him and being impatient & treating him poorly by not recognizing his contributions to the relationship. i had an emotional affair which ended but i have been unable to really shake the feeling of actually have someone who made me feel cared about even just emotionally because i i get so little of it in the marriage. my husband & i talked about it a lot and it usually ends on him yelling at me calling me a cheater. he has involved our families both of whom are religious and made it clear that they don’t want us to end the marriage. he threw me under the bus revealing to our parents that i had an affair after which my mother said a prayer to seek forgiveness for my sins. i revealed to my mom that there was an incident between my husband and i where he had sex with me while i was unconscious & drunk, which made me feel completely violated. it hasn’t changed her mind and the most hurtful thing she said to me is that she hopes my husband gets the kids because that’s what i deserve. she is furious with me that she feels i am not open to her advice about staying in the marriage but i am frustrated that nobody is listening to me & i am feeling attacked by everybody that is close to me, especially my husband who i feel is using my parents to guilt trip me into staying married while refusing to acknowledge any of his issues, only mine. we went to couples counseling & the therapist said we were beyond repair. he refused to go complaining about cost. i pay for his health insurance and he doesn’t go consistently. i have gone alone to therapy for about 6 months now to try and address my own issues. it’s helped but it’s still a difficult situation. i have a lawyer & i’ve filed the initial divorce paperwork. he has been difficult and is threatening to demand alimony and custody of the kids. he is living in the house which i am paying for the mortgage and bills for in full. i am in a hotel at the moment while my kids are with my sister for spring break as i don’t want the conflict because i am just spent & tired. i am just tired. i often catch myself thinking, am i the crazy one? i’m hurting my children. my parents are so upset with me. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. i think if it nots working then it's not working. you have to find someone who you find fulfillment with and currently with your husband, that is clearly not happening. just show your kids that you still love them and that the divorce was nothing to do with them. also don't talk down about your husband because kids don't respond well to that (not saying you will, i'm just stating that). you have to do what's best for you not your husband and family (excluding kids, do what's best for them always). </s>
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AITA for cutting my hair before vacation?
|
my sister has an huge instagram following and she was talking about taking us to a trip to hawaii partly so she could get some nice photos there. she was paying for the plane ticket and hotel and it was going to 3 of us me, her and our cousin. she insisted we get our nails and hair done and i went for a blunt bob. the stylist took probably 8 inches off my hair since i hadn’t cut in over a year and it went from my back to brushing my shoulders. my sister saw me (we live in different cities so travelled separately) and got really angry since she wanted me to keep my long hair for the trip so she could take photos. i had no idea she wanted me to keep it short though she said not to do anything drastic, i cut my hair from long to short every year or so since i’m so bad at keeping routine hair appointments. she gave me the silent treatment for the first 3 days of the trip and only started loosening up after the photos were up and looked good.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q7ilzu/aita_for_cutting_my_hair_before_vacation/
|
2021-10-13 19:24:35
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nta - stop doing stuff with your superficial, vain, and ridiculous sister.
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nta. you're not a bowl of fruit that she artistically lights and photographs. of course you can style yourself as you like and she has no right to the expectation that you would look (or act) as she is imagining in her head. that's definitely a her problem, not a you problem.
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info: i'm so confused - if she said nothing drastic while she's paying for your plane ticket then you should have honored that and cut your hair when you got home. if she didn't make that clear, then it's her fault for not communicating this to you. either way, she's a brat for not speaking to you for 3 days.
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nta. your sister needs to grow up. it's your hair, she has nothing to say in the matter.
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nta. it’s your hair, and your choice regarding what you do with it. she’s ta for thinking she’s entitled to choose how you look
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info: i guess my question is were you essentially a model? like was she taking you and your cousin on a nice trip for girl time and she happened to be taking a few pictures? or was this essentially a work trip for her and she paid for you and your cousin to go so you guys could help out with her posts ?
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lol - this feels too over the top to be real... like who would actually give someone the silent treatment for 3 days because you didn't like their haircut? your sister sounds like a cartoon villain. nta.
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esh and good lord why would anyone care
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
|
ESH
| null | null | 0.111582 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister has an huge instagram following and she was talking about taking us to a trip to hawaii partly so she could get some nice photos there. she was paying for the plane ticket and hotel and it was going to 3 of us me, her and our cousin. she insisted we get our nails and hair done and i went for a blunt bob. the stylist took probably 8 inches off my hair since i hadn’t cut in over a year and it went from my back to brushing my shoulders. my sister saw me (we live in different cities so travelled separately) and got really angry since she wanted me to keep my long hair for the trip so she could take photos. i had no idea she wanted me to keep it short though she said not to do anything drastic, i cut my hair from long to short every year or so since i’m so bad at keeping routine hair appointments. she gave me the silent treatment for the first 3 days of the trip and only started loosening up after the photos were up and looked good.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister has an huge instagram following and she was talking about taking us to a trip to hawaii partly so she could get some nice photos there. she was paying for the plane ticket and hotel and it was going to 3 of us me, her and our cousin. she insisted we get our nails and hair done and i went for a blunt bob. the stylist took probably 8 inches off my hair since i hadn’t cut in over a year and it went from my back to brushing my shoulders. my sister saw me (we live in different cities so travelled separately) and got really angry since she wanted me to keep my long hair for the trip so she could take photos. i had no idea she wanted me to keep it short though she said not to do anything drastic, i cut my hair from long to short every year or so since i’m so bad at keeping routine hair appointments. she gave me the silent treatment for the first 3 days of the trip and only started loosening up after the photos were up and looked good. [/INST] nta - stop doing stuff with your superficial, vain, and ridiculous sister. </s>
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AITA for telling my mother she can’t freely access my home that she owns?
|
title says it all basically, have had a mild dispute with my mother and my sister is calling me an arsehole.
i 29f, live in a property that is owned by my mother, it is a four bedroom property and i live here with one other friend, though the two spare bedrooms are to be rented out once work is completed on them. i manage the property, and in exchange pay a smaller than market value rent.
recently my mum has gotten into the habit of letting herself into the house while i am working, (i work from home) and turning up unannounced.
i spoke to her and told her that not only i live here now, she no longer lives here and that it is improper for a landlord to enter a property unannounced. that i am an adult and am uncomfortable with my mum letting herself in and out of my house.
she accused me of being cold towards her, and essentially pulled ‘my house, my rules’ on me.
when i spoke to my sister about it, i was expecting her to back me up but she agreed that while i’m not paying full rates of rent, that i forfeit my right to total privacy.
so aita?!
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lm6rtl/aita_for_telling_my_mother_she_cant_freely_access/
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2021-02-17 22:39:40
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nta but you should rethink whether this arrangement is something that will benefit you long term. do you think your mother is suddenly going to respect your boundaries and treat your home like a private dwelling space?
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nta
maybe phrase it as “there is one renter here currently who pays full rent. it’s not fair/legal on them for the landlord not to give notice of entry to the property. as the property manager these issues would be for me to resolve, so let’s start as we mean to go on especially as you are getting 2 more tenants soon”. neither your sis nor your mum can argue with that
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nta your mom legally can’t do that if you pay rent and there’s additional renters. (at least where i’m from, i don’t know what your home country is). but yeah, privacy and whatnot.
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> she accused me of being cold towards her, and essentially pulled ‘my house, my rules’ on me.
that doesn't work in a house that you've rented to others. she can gtfo, and knock next time.
nta
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nta. if you're paying even $1 of rent, you're a tenant and you have a right to privacy, as do your roommates. there are hard and fast laws about this in my state (california).
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nta
no matter what your rent is, the landlord cannot enter the property without giving 24hrs notice. get a lease signed so you have it as reference.
also with current uk lockdown laws, she shouldn't be entering another house.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: title says it all basically, have had a mild dispute with my mother and my sister is calling me an arsehole. i 29f, live in a property that is owned by my mother, it is a four bedroom property and i live here with one other friend, though the two spare bedrooms are to be rented out once work is completed on them. i manage the property, and in exchange pay a smaller than market value rent. recently my mum has gotten into the habit of letting herself into the house while i am working, (i work from home) and turning up unannounced. i spoke to her and told her that not only i live here now, she no longer lives here and that it is improper for a landlord to enter a property unannounced. that i am an adult and am uncomfortable with my mum letting herself in and out of my house. she accused me of being cold towards her, and essentially pulled ‘my house, my rules’ on me. when i spoke to my sister about it, i was expecting her to back me up but she agreed that while i’m not paying full rates of rent, that i forfeit my right to total privacy. so aita?!
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
title says it all basically, have had a mild dispute with my mother and my sister is calling me an arsehole. i 29f, live in a property that is owned by my mother, it is a four bedroom property and i live here with one other friend, though the two spare bedrooms are to be rented out once work is completed on them. i manage the property, and in exchange pay a smaller than market value rent. recently my mum has gotten into the habit of letting herself into the house while i am working, (i work from home) and turning up unannounced. i spoke to her and told her that not only i live here now, she no longer lives here and that it is improper for a landlord to enter a property unannounced. that i am an adult and am uncomfortable with my mum letting herself in and out of my house. she accused me of being cold towards her, and essentially pulled ‘my house, my rules’ on me. when i spoke to my sister about it, i was expecting her to back me up but she agreed that while i’m not paying full rates of rent, that i forfeit my right to total privacy. so aita?! [/INST] nta but you should rethink whether this arrangement is something that will benefit you long term. do you think your mother is suddenly going to respect your boundaries and treat your home like a private dwelling space? </s>
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AITA for getting mad at my friend for spray painting?
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me (m23) and my friend (f21) were outside my apartment in the parking lot, cleaning some stuff out of the back of my car. i dug out an old can of black spray paint that i had used to touch up my car last year. she grabbed it, and while i wasn’t paying attention, proceeded to spray paint a small but noticeable smiley face on the pavement, right in the middle of a parking space.
once i noticed, i immediately called her out. i asked her why the hell she would do something like that. i was mad for several reasons.
i had just moved into this apartment complex and it’s by far the nicest place i’ve ever lived, so i go out of my way to keep it that way, not only for myself, but for my neighbors, all of whom i get along with. she had spray painted a parking space right in front of the apartment building that everybody is going to see. i understand that it’s not a huge deal, it’s not like she drew something huge or offensive. it’s just a smiley face, but still i think it was disrespectful and just stupid of her to do. so i got upset with her, not angry. she said i was being a dick & acting over dramatic, it’s just a smiley face, nobody is going to care.
but i still think her actions were childish and unnecessary, so i stuck to my guns. she got upset and left, and we still haven’t talked about it any further. aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nogyo0/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_friend_for_spray/
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2021-05-30 18:14:31
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nta, she literally did graffiti(illegal) at your home. you’re the one who’s going to get blamed
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nta. doesn’t matter what she spray painted, she did it on property that she doesn’t have permission to do so on. you were right to call her out.
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nta. i can't think of anyone i know who wouldn't be livid in this situation.
that is really disrespectful of the property and of you. if someone saw this happening it could put you into hot water with your building management. besides being childish and immature, your friend trying to play it off as no big deal would be unacceptable to me. what's done is done, but your friend should apologize and be embarrassed of their behavior. yikes.
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nta she literally vandalised someone else’s property.
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nta
that's not okay at all
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nta. she spray painted something that wasn't hers. at all the complexes i've lived at, we've been responsible for what our guests did. if one of my guests spray painted the parking lot, i would have been on the hook for that.
it was extremely disrespectful to do. would she like it if you went and spray painted her home? no? all right then.
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nta. she vandalized the property and should clean it up, or pay to have it cleaned.
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nta - your 'friend' thought it was cute to vandalize the place you just moved into - that's a middle school level of maturity...
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me (m23) and my friend (f21) were outside my apartment in the parking lot, cleaning some stuff out of the back of my car. i dug out an old can of black spray paint that i had used to touch up my car last year. she grabbed it, and while i wasn’t paying attention, proceeded to spray paint a small but noticeable smiley face on the pavement, right in the middle of a parking space. once i noticed, i immediately called her out. i asked her why the hell she would do something like that. i was mad for several reasons. i had just moved into this apartment complex and it’s by far the nicest place i’ve ever lived, so i go out of my way to keep it that way, not only for myself, but for my neighbors, all of whom i get along with. she had spray painted a parking space right in front of the apartment building that everybody is going to see. i understand that it’s not a huge deal, it’s not like she drew something huge or offensive. it’s just a smiley face, but still i think it was disrespectful and just stupid of her to do. so i got upset with her, not angry. she said i was being a dick & acting over dramatic, it’s just a smiley face, nobody is going to care. but i still think her actions were childish and unnecessary, so i stuck to my guns. she got upset and left, and we still haven’t talked about it any further. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me (m23) and my friend (f21) were outside my apartment in the parking lot, cleaning some stuff out of the back of my car. i dug out an old can of black spray paint that i had used to touch up my car last year. she grabbed it, and while i wasn’t paying attention, proceeded to spray paint a small but noticeable smiley face on the pavement, right in the middle of a parking space. once i noticed, i immediately called her out. i asked her why the hell she would do something like that. i was mad for several reasons. i had just moved into this apartment complex and it’s by far the nicest place i’ve ever lived, so i go out of my way to keep it that way, not only for myself, but for my neighbors, all of whom i get along with. she had spray painted a parking space right in front of the apartment building that everybody is going to see. i understand that it’s not a huge deal, it’s not like she drew something huge or offensive. it’s just a smiley face, but still i think it was disrespectful and just stupid of her to do. so i got upset with her, not angry. she said i was being a dick & acting over dramatic, it’s just a smiley face, nobody is going to care. but i still think her actions were childish and unnecessary, so i stuck to my guns. she got upset and left, and we still haven’t talked about it any further. aita? [/INST] nta, she literally did graffiti(illegal) at your home. you’re the one who’s going to get blamed </s>
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WIBTA if I backed out of a so-called 'Birthday Trip'
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a few months ago, my husband asked if i wanted to go on a trip for memorial day weekend or stay home. my birthday is over memorial day, and i said of course i'd want to go.
we have two kids - an 8 year old and 8 moth old- so it's pretty difficult going anywhere... but having a baby, it would be nice to do something because i'm excluded out of everything.
well, a few weeks after that i overhear that one of his coworkers got our room... and i thought it was weird so i asked why? well, it turns out his coworker and wife will be going. then we were eating breakfast with his family and i found out his dad was going too... and he was trying to get my mil to go.
now it totally makes sense why he would ask if i'd want to go ... i think he actually forgot about my birthday in the first place. now he is making it seem like it's my birthday weekend trip but doing everything his dad wants to do.
i told him i don't really want to go anymore:
- my fil would be sharing a room with us. i'm breastfeeding so now have to go in the hotel bathroom to nurse every time my baby wakes up in the middle of the night
- trip revolves around things i'm absolutely not interested in.
- traveling with a baby is so tiring and chances are i won't be able to see much without constantly stopping to feed or change the baby.
he basically said that i'm going and if 'i wanted to do something to plan it rather than just pushing out air'. absolutely disrespectful.
i'm thinking he just wants to save face in front of his coworker, but this is going to be a miserable birthday if i go.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/upx12l/wibta_if_i_backed_out_of_a_socalled_birthday_trip/
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2022-05-15 03:16:18
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nta. it’s your birthday, so do what you want to do. it absolutely seems like he forgot, and to tell you to “plan it rather than just pushing out air” was incredibly insensitive and selfish on his part. why does he need to go on this trip anyway instead of celebrating with you?
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nta. also... if you say yes, i have this lingering feeling that you're going to be 175% responsible for childcare while he's hanging out with his 'guests'. i'd cancel - he can take the kids on the trip while you get quiet time.
happy birthday, btw. i hope you get to spend it the way you want to and deserve.
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nta you’re allowed to change your mind. i’d tell him that he’s welcome to go and take the older kid with him and you’ll stay home with the baby.
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nta. if you do decide not to go tell him to go with the 8 yr old and you stay home with the baby.
although that is in no way a birthday present for you, at least you will have two less people to take care of for a few days.
(your husband can save face with his coworker and family by saying the baby isn't feeling well the week before.)
but, your husband should realize he did not consider your feelings or wants at all and definitely did not plan this as a gift for you.
however time with friends and family on trips do bring memories to cherish forever and losing a chance at memories is sad.
but sharing a room with anyone when you are caring for an infant and breastfeeding..... he's an idiot for thinking that would be ok.
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nta shit sound boring and u got a baby and a 8 year old, u got way to much on your hands to deal with stuff like that.
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your fil sharing a room with a married couple and a mom who is breastfeeding! absolutely not! no! i don't blame you for not wanting to go. don't let him tell you what you are doing. no, not going.
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your reasons as to why you think you might be ta are so worrying and frustrating - “making him look bad”.
these are his own actions, and if he’s being selfish and inconsiderate, only he is to blame. why do you think this is on you?
plus, he is awful for forgetting your birthday. apparently he cares more about what this coworker thinks than you.
and fil sharing a room - wtf?! very dodgy at any time, but whilst you’re breastfeeding. ffs.
nta. tell him to shove his trip.
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nta he isn't considering what you want at all regarding the trip. it's pretty uncaring.
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nta. he didn’t disclose the whole thing when he asked you in the trip
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a few months ago, my husband asked if i wanted to go on a trip for memorial day weekend or stay home. my birthday is over memorial day, and i said of course i'd want to go. we have two kids - an 8 year old and 8 moth old- so it's pretty difficult going anywhere... but having a baby, it would be nice to do something because i'm excluded out of everything. well, a few weeks after that i overhear that one of his coworkers got our room... and i thought it was weird so i asked why? well, it turns out his coworker and wife will be going. then we were eating breakfast with his family and i found out his dad was going too... and he was trying to get my mil to go. now it totally makes sense why he would ask if i'd want to go ... i think he actually forgot about my birthday in the first place. now he is making it seem like it's my birthday weekend trip but doing everything his dad wants to do. i told him i don't really want to go anymore: - my fil would be sharing a room with us. i'm breastfeeding so now have to go in the hotel bathroom to nurse every time my baby wakes up in the middle of the night - trip revolves around things i'm absolutely not interested in. - traveling with a baby is so tiring and chances are i won't be able to see much without constantly stopping to feed or change the baby. he basically said that i'm going and if 'i wanted to do something to plan it rather than just pushing out air'. absolutely disrespectful. i'm thinking he just wants to save face in front of his coworker, but this is going to be a miserable birthday if i go.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a few months ago, my husband asked if i wanted to go on a trip for memorial day weekend or stay home. my birthday is over memorial day, and i said of course i'd want to go. we have two kids - an 8 year old and 8 moth old- so it's pretty difficult going anywhere... but having a baby, it would be nice to do something because i'm excluded out of everything. well, a few weeks after that i overhear that one of his coworkers got our room... and i thought it was weird so i asked why? well, it turns out his coworker and wife will be going. then we were eating breakfast with his family and i found out his dad was going too... and he was trying to get my mil to go. now it totally makes sense why he would ask if i'd want to go ... i think he actually forgot about my birthday in the first place. now he is making it seem like it's my birthday weekend trip but doing everything his dad wants to do. i told him i don't really want to go anymore: - my fil would be sharing a room with us. i'm breastfeeding so now have to go in the hotel bathroom to nurse every time my baby wakes up in the middle of the night - trip revolves around things i'm absolutely not interested in. - traveling with a baby is so tiring and chances are i won't be able to see much without constantly stopping to feed or change the baby. he basically said that i'm going and if 'i wanted to do something to plan it rather than just pushing out air'. absolutely disrespectful. i'm thinking he just wants to save face in front of his coworker, but this is going to be a miserable birthday if i go. [/INST] nta. it’s your birthday, so do what you want to do. it absolutely seems like he forgot, and to tell you to “plan it rather than just pushing out air” was incredibly insensitive and selfish on his part. why does he need to go on this trip anyway instead of celebrating with you? </s>
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AITA for not giving an excused absence to a student who was fearful of a potential shooter?
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background: i am a graduate student that's working as a teaching assistant for a general biology lab at university. last week, there was a little scare going on about some psychotic chick that had a gun and was threatening schools in our part of the state (no particular school, just schools in general). all of the primary schools were cancelled that day, but the university did not cancel classes, only urged caution. obviously it's something to be concerned about, but on the other hand:
* none of my other students were absent that day
* the suspect was caught before my class started
* the student emailed me after my class had ended to inform me that they wouldn't be coming due to concern
aita for thinking that this student just wanted an excused absence and to not show up?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bgw1u4/aita_for_not_giving_an_excused_absence_to_a/
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2019-04-24 15:34:05
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yta, you have no idea what kinda shit that person has seen prior to being a student in your class. if the university advised caution, then i think it should be excused.
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nta - if classes aren't cancelled, you're expected to be there. if it were a specific threat to your campus, it would have been closed.
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yta. i've been to three different higher education institutions in my academic career and two out of three have had an on campus shooting while i was a student there. there were no threats. there were no warnings. i got lucky that i was far enough away from campus the first time that i didn't need to worry about my safety. the second time, i lived about a block away from campus and everyone i lived with was worried because that was just a little too close for comfort. if someone threatens a shooting in my general area, you can be sure that i'm going to stay home, regardless of the consequences. however, in an age where school shootings are so common, i would hope that any professor who knew about the threat could be empathetic to the students who decide that it just isn't worth the risk to come to class.
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info: is this typical of this particular student? or are they normally diligent and punctual?
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nta.
at best the student was actually afraid- still not your problem.
realistically, from what you presented, they were hungover, missed class and used this as an excuse.
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yta - one class is not worth a student’s life. i have personally had to deal with a bomb threat scare at my school. of all 2,500 kids on lockdown at the school only me and one other kid were trapped outside the buildings. we banged on every door pleading with the teachers to let us in. not one teacher would open the door. here we are two hopeless kids running around the school while swat is walking around with huge guns in teams and 2 helicopters are flying around directly over campus. we were so fortunate that nothing happened but imagine the fear that goes through a poor kid’s head as they panic thinking that this could be their last day on earth. i would gladly skipped a week of school than have to face another dilemma like that.
way to be heartless and insensitive at a time where school shootings are so abundant and cause so much anxiety and fear amongst students. imagine if something actually did happen at that campus. you should work with this student and try to help them make up the material they missed. this kind of school shooting fear stays with kids for life.
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yta you have no right to disregard a students legitimate concerns. going to school in america is fucking scary especially when there are active shooter alerts?
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nta, but i encourage you to respond with compassion. as a professor, i completely understand where you are coming from on this. at the same time, you don't know what the student has gone through in their life and i know a few people with anxiety issues due to past trauma who would have had a legitimate need to stay home on that day. however, they should have gotten in touch with you before class, not afterward. an er visit is a good excuse for not getting in touch with you beforehand; anxiety is not. my personal go-to response with random students in such situations is to require a doctor's note confirming the issue.
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nta - why didn't the student ask for your permission before they were absent? it seems like they are reaching for excuses.
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.942809 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: background: i am a graduate student that's working as a teaching assistant for a general biology lab at university. last week, there was a little scare going on about some psychotic chick that had a gun and was threatening schools in our part of the state (no particular school, just schools in general). all of the primary schools were cancelled that day, but the university did not cancel classes, only urged caution. obviously it's something to be concerned about, but on the other hand: * none of my other students were absent that day * the suspect was caught before my class started * the student emailed me after my class had ended to inform me that they wouldn't be coming due to concern aita for thinking that this student just wanted an excused absence and to not show up?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
background: i am a graduate student that's working as a teaching assistant for a general biology lab at university. last week, there was a little scare going on about some psychotic chick that had a gun and was threatening schools in our part of the state (no particular school, just schools in general). all of the primary schools were cancelled that day, but the university did not cancel classes, only urged caution. obviously it's something to be concerned about, but on the other hand: * none of my other students were absent that day * the suspect was caught before my class started * the student emailed me after my class had ended to inform me that they wouldn't be coming due to concern aita for thinking that this student just wanted an excused absence and to not show up? [/INST] yta, you have no idea what kinda shit that person has seen prior to being a student in your class. if the university advised caution, then i think it should be excused. </s>
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AITA for going home without my sister
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on mobile apologies for any formatting issues. now on to the problem.
yesterday was my birthday (f29) and my little sister (f24) and i went out to dinner by ourselves since our older sister (f30) was not feeling up to it. dinner was great and we were both not ready to call it a night so we went to a bar together. the issue came at the end of the night when it was time to leave. a guy had been talking to me and bought drinks for all of us to celebrate my birthday. i turned to talk to my sister and he grabbed my face and gave me a kiss. i told him i was flattered about the drinks but let him know it wouldn't go anywhere and i was with my little sister and wouldn't leave her by herself at a bar. he apologized for the kiss then he turned his attention to my little sister and they started making out.
at first i was taken back that she would kiss him after he kissed me but i said nothing in that moment. she asked me to go to the bathroom with her and when we left together i told her that was weird, she agreed with me laughed and said we should close our tab and head home for the night. after the bathroom i went to close the tab and left to meet her that was when she told me she was leaving with him instead.
she is an adult so i told her to send me a pin when she gets there so i know where she is and to be safe. she left with him and i went home by myself. about 25 minutes after i left i get a call from her asking me where i went, when i told her i was almost home she went ballistic on the phone. turns out he was staying at a hotel across from the bar and when they were done they came back to the bar. she had expected me to stay and wait for her after she told me "bye, i'm leaving with him." when i told her that made no sense to me she said i left her stranded by herself and i should turn around and come get her, i said no she should call an uber cause i was almost home she hung up the phone.
when i got home i told my older sister what happened and she said i was the ah, because we went together and as the older sister i should have made sure she had a way to get home before leaving the bar even though she left with someone. then she said it wasn't like me and i might have been jealous that she left with the guy after he spent the evening paying attention to me. that made no sense to me and i told her "jealous of what, b*ch you know i'm a lesbian." we both cracked up laughing that is when my little sister walked into the house. she didn't speak to me she took a couple shots then hurled the shot glass towards me because i didn't apologize to her for leaving the bar without her. now my older sister is mad at me too because i refuse to clean up the glass shards, she said i caused this mess by leaving the bar without her and i should just apologize and clean up to make up for what i did. so aita for leaving the bar without my sister and refusing to clean the glass shards.
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qyaznf/aita_for_going_home_without_my_sister/
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2021-11-20 18:00:04
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nta. she told you she was leaving with him. she could have stayed all night or apparently a quickie of 25 minutes.
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nta!!!!
in my opinion your sister broke sister/friend code twice - by making out with the guy who sexually assaulted you (that's what it's called when someone grabs your face and kisses you without consent btw) and then by choosing to end her evening with a hookup when it's your birthday. also just generally poor judgment on her part. what's her damage???
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>as the older sister i should have made sure she had a way to get home before leaving the bar even though she left with someone
nonsense.
>now my older sister is mad at me too because i refuse to clean up the glass shards
from the glass your little sister threw? double nonsense.
your little sister is an adult and has agency. i don't know how the older sister thinks otherwise, but she's wrong.
nta
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nta, you're both adults. after going to the bathroom with one another you both decided that you would close your tab and go home she then decided that she was going to go out go with some other dude. why would you assume that you know it was only going to last a few minutes and then she'd be back? if she wanted you to stay, she should have said she'd be right back. you aren't responsible for others, even if she's your little sister she made a choice to leave for with someone and not tell you anything else.
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nta hell no so not the asshole what the flying fuck that's nuts did they really expect op to hang around well sister went on a booty call and doesn't sound like the booty call lasted all that long maybe thats why the sister was so upset she was left unsatisfied
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nta, as you said - your sister is an adult and when she said she was going home with him, that meant she was leaving with him. if she wanted you to wait, she should have said so… if you would have left her alone at the bar to go with the guy that would be a different story, but clearly she made her decision.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: on mobile apologies for any formatting issues. now on to the problem. yesterday was my birthday (f29) and my little sister (f24) and i went out to dinner by ourselves since our older sister (f30) was not feeling up to it. dinner was great and we were both not ready to call it a night so we went to a bar together. the issue came at the end of the night when it was time to leave. a guy had been talking to me and bought drinks for all of us to celebrate my birthday. i turned to talk to my sister and he grabbed my face and gave me a kiss. i told him i was flattered about the drinks but let him know it wouldn't go anywhere and i was with my little sister and wouldn't leave her by herself at a bar. he apologized for the kiss then he turned his attention to my little sister and they started making out. at first i was taken back that she would kiss him after he kissed me but i said nothing in that moment. she asked me to go to the bathroom with her and when we left together i told her that was weird, she agreed with me laughed and said we should close our tab and head home for the night. after the bathroom i went to close the tab and left to meet her that was when she told me she was leaving with him instead. she is an adult so i told her to send me a pin when she gets there so i know where she is and to be safe. she left with him and i went home by myself. about 25 minutes after i left i get a call from her asking me where i went, when i told her i was almost home she went ballistic on the phone. turns out he was staying at a hotel across from the bar and when they were done they came back to the bar. she had expected me to stay and wait for her after she told me "bye, i'm leaving with him." when i told her that made no sense to me she said i left her stranded by herself and i should turn around and come get her, i said no she should call an uber cause i was almost home she hung up the phone. when i got home i told my older sister what happened and she said i was the ah, because we went together and as the older sister i should have made sure she had a way to get home before leaving the bar even though she left with someone. then she said it wasn't like me and i might have been jealous that she left with the guy after he spent the evening paying attention to me. that made no sense to me and i told her "jealous of what, b*ch you know i'm a lesbian." we both cracked up laughing that is when my little sister walked into the house. she didn't speak to me she took a couple shots then hurled the shot glass towards me because i didn't apologize to her for leaving the bar without her. now my older sister is mad at me too because i refuse to clean up the glass shards, she said i caused this mess by leaving the bar without her and i should just apologize and clean up to make up for what i did. so aita for leaving the bar without my sister and refusing to clean the glass shards.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
on mobile apologies for any formatting issues. now on to the problem. yesterday was my birthday (f29) and my little sister (f24) and i went out to dinner by ourselves since our older sister (f30) was not feeling up to it. dinner was great and we were both not ready to call it a night so we went to a bar together. the issue came at the end of the night when it was time to leave. a guy had been talking to me and bought drinks for all of us to celebrate my birthday. i turned to talk to my sister and he grabbed my face and gave me a kiss. i told him i was flattered about the drinks but let him know it wouldn't go anywhere and i was with my little sister and wouldn't leave her by herself at a bar. he apologized for the kiss then he turned his attention to my little sister and they started making out. at first i was taken back that she would kiss him after he kissed me but i said nothing in that moment. she asked me to go to the bathroom with her and when we left together i told her that was weird, she agreed with me laughed and said we should close our tab and head home for the night. after the bathroom i went to close the tab and left to meet her that was when she told me she was leaving with him instead. she is an adult so i told her to send me a pin when she gets there so i know where she is and to be safe. she left with him and i went home by myself. about 25 minutes after i left i get a call from her asking me where i went, when i told her i was almost home she went ballistic on the phone. turns out he was staying at a hotel across from the bar and when they were done they came back to the bar. she had expected me to stay and wait for her after she told me "bye, i'm leaving with him." when i told her that made no sense to me she said i left her stranded by herself and i should turn around and come get her, i said no she should call an uber cause i was almost home she hung up the phone. when i got home i told my older sister what happened and she said i was the ah, because we went together and as the older sister i should have made sure she had a way to get home before leaving the bar even though she left with someone. then she said it wasn't like me and i might have been jealous that she left with the guy after he spent the evening paying attention to me. that made no sense to me and i told her "jealous of what, b*ch you know i'm a lesbian." we both cracked up laughing that is when my little sister walked into the house. she didn't speak to me she took a couple shots then hurled the shot glass towards me because i didn't apologize to her for leaving the bar without her. now my older sister is mad at me too because i refuse to clean up the glass shards, she said i caused this mess by leaving the bar without her and i should just apologize and clean up to make up for what i did. so aita for leaving the bar without my sister and refusing to clean the glass shards. [/INST] nta. she told you she was leaving with him. she could have stayed all night or apparently a quickie of 25 minutes. </s>
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WIBTA for calling the cops on my neighbors kids?
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i live in a pretty small, but expensive for the area, apartment complex. the buildings are about 3 levels but the hallways and stairs are open. you can usually hear people talking out in the hall, but it’s usually not exceedingly loud. the problem is one family has a couple of kids, and since the apartments aren’t very big they send them out to the hallway to play.
i’m not exaggerating when i say there’s no place i can go in my apartment and not hear screaming. it’s so bad that i now have to wear headphones when watching tv or playing games because i can’t hear anything. what pisses me off just as much is that they treat the hallway like a toy room. when i leave my apartment i’m stepping over a mine field of toys, shoes, and backpacks. management doesn’t seem interested in doing anything about it, as when i call them about it they just say they’ll talk to them “tomorrow”. i can’t just talk to the parents because they don’t speak english, but it’s obvious that management is just letting it happen because they let their kids do this every single day.
i’m now considering calls the cops. i hate to do this because i think it’s a waste of resources, but i can’t take it anymore. wibta if i did?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/amv24l/wibta_for_calling_the_cops_on_my_neighbors_kids/
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2019-02-03 22:44:50
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nta. this would drive me insane.
anything you do i would try to do anonymously so there is no come back. must be honest if it were me i’d start picking up some of the toys and donating them to goodwill. bet they would learn pretty quickly to tidy them away then...
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nta
is there a bylaw or fire code being broken? i would think there is some fire code being broken by having crap in the hallway. call whoever inspects buildings for code violations.
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nta
the hallway is not an appropriate place to keep personal belongings, and noise levels are always a big issue.
call the cops op.
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cops aren’t gonna do shit. lawyer up and go after the management company. there’s probably stuff in your lease and also laws about quiet enjoyment.
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nta. but also not sure what the police would do about it (unless it's late at night). your apartment management is the problem, keep hounding them until they take action. go above the head of whoever has been ignoring the problem if that's a possibility. you also could pick up all the toys and knock on the door and hand it to the parents - maybe they would get the message then. or find a translator to write up a letter for you.
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nta but that’s not the solution. what are the cops going to do? tell them to clean the hallway? if the building management doesn’t have a problem with it, the cops don’t really have a standing to do anything, unless you alert them to building code violation, but even that wouldn’t directly affect them. the building owners would receive the penalty and might be more motivated to resolve the issue.
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nta. you could try to talk to your other neighbors and get them to complain aswell. i'm sure if there are more complaints management is forced to do something. if it doesn't work you can still call the cops
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nta
i'd bet that your apartment complex is in violation of fire safety laws by leaving all of that shit in the hallway. call the police for the safety hazard but put in a noise complaint as well. make it abundantly clear that you have brought this up with the management company and they have done absolutely nothing about it.
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nta
but as other people have pointed out, cops won’t do much. kids aren’t likely to be loud enough to be breaking noise ordinances. especially during the day
the toys in the hallway could be a fire hazard though.
talk to the manager about ending your lease early and moving. it sounds like your complex is no longer a good fit for you. is that fair? absolutely not. but life is unfair that way sometimes and you gotta roll with the punches
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live in a pretty small, but expensive for the area, apartment complex. the buildings are about 3 levels but the hallways and stairs are open. you can usually hear people talking out in the hall, but it’s usually not exceedingly loud. the problem is one family has a couple of kids, and since the apartments aren’t very big they send them out to the hallway to play. i’m not exaggerating when i say there’s no place i can go in my apartment and not hear screaming. it’s so bad that i now have to wear headphones when watching tv or playing games because i can’t hear anything. what pisses me off just as much is that they treat the hallway like a toy room. when i leave my apartment i’m stepping over a mine field of toys, shoes, and backpacks. management doesn’t seem interested in doing anything about it, as when i call them about it they just say they’ll talk to them “tomorrow”. i can’t just talk to the parents because they don’t speak english, but it’s obvious that management is just letting it happen because they let their kids do this every single day. i’m now considering calls the cops. i hate to do this because i think it’s a waste of resources, but i can’t take it anymore. wibta if i did?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i live in a pretty small, but expensive for the area, apartment complex. the buildings are about 3 levels but the hallways and stairs are open. you can usually hear people talking out in the hall, but it’s usually not exceedingly loud. the problem is one family has a couple of kids, and since the apartments aren’t very big they send them out to the hallway to play. i’m not exaggerating when i say there’s no place i can go in my apartment and not hear screaming. it’s so bad that i now have to wear headphones when watching tv or playing games because i can’t hear anything. what pisses me off just as much is that they treat the hallway like a toy room. when i leave my apartment i’m stepping over a mine field of toys, shoes, and backpacks. management doesn’t seem interested in doing anything about it, as when i call them about it they just say they’ll talk to them “tomorrow”. i can’t just talk to the parents because they don’t speak english, but it’s obvious that management is just letting it happen because they let their kids do this every single day. i’m now considering calls the cops. i hate to do this because i think it’s a waste of resources, but i can’t take it anymore. wibta if i did? [/INST] nta. this would drive me insane. anything you do i would try to do anonymously so there is no come back. must be honest if it were me i’d start picking up some of the toys and donating them to goodwill. bet they would learn pretty quickly to tidy them away then... </s>
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AITA for not wanting to be friends with my friends girlfriend?
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hi, i've (f27) had a close friend group since high school (10-15 years). this group is my husband kent (m30), max (m28), evan (m27), and i.
4 years ago max started dating dina who would be his first girlfriend and really wants her to be part of the group. we had a bad first impression at my party. she wouldn't drink anything we had because it was "gross" so max left to get her limaritas. there were joints and bongs going around and she waited for the music to pause to loudly say "god are all of you stuck on stupid?"
at a beach event we were all catching up, she walks away then pulls me away and says we should let the men talk. i didn't leave and later got a message from max saying that i made her feel uncomfortable that i was trying to be the center of attention. i really questioned if i was and asked kent and evan, kent was upset about it and evan said he understood where she was coming from but that's not cool to treat me differently.
at another party she brought her 5 year old to the same environment. max asked to let them just watch tv inside while he hung out, which we did. at 9pm she asked us to turn it down! i did not and she announcing she was pregnant and this was stressing her out, evan asked them to both leave.
i feel petty for disliking her but i rarely have to see her. until this month when she started a zoom wine group, both kent and max asked me as favor until more people joined. there was 6 women, now it's just us, she's crying everyday over it while still insulting my lifestyle, lack of kids, marriage. i finally hung up, texted her and max i don't feel comfortable doing this as anymore and i apologize as it was a favor couldn't complete.
she didn't know max asked, and apparently thinks of me as her best friend. i've gotten dozen of messages from max, dina, and evan ranging "please be her friend for the peace" to "you're an asshole for putting this strain on the group." kent is also pressuring me and even asked if i liked max, if that was the reason i couldn't be friends with his girlfriend, he immediately apologized but i'm fuming!
i'm so hotheaded sometimes that i dont know if i'm being an asshole and overreacting. aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/le8bgp/aita_for_not_wanting_to_be_friends_with_my/
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2021-02-06 22:19:05
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nta, she sounds really toxic. also "let the men talk" would really piss me off, especially if the "men" were my friends and didn't try to defend me.
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nta.
isn’t it interesting that none of your friends leaned on her to stop insulting you to “keep the peace”? and that kent and max are running away and trying to make you (not them) entertain her?
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nta. the most you're socially obligated to do for a friend's so is be polite. you do not have to be best friends with a woman you can't stand just so she will stop throwing a temper tantrum your husband and guy friends no longer want to deal with.
maybe they can join her wine club instead!
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nta- tell the whole group it’s not your job to manage dina’s feelings. while they are at it, they can also work on managing their own feelings too. end of story. nope, not open for discussion.
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nta
why is your friend putting up with her?
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nta why the fuck does a grown woman have to be friends with the other woman in the group if she doesn't wanna be friends she doesn'y wanna be i understand that the others want peace but please op explain to them that " i generally don't want to be her friend and she needs to accept it." you could even copy and paste my comment in the double quotes send it via text or somethin. give an update if you do
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nta
i don’t think you’re the one putting a strain on the group..
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info: why did she think you were her best friend? that’s weird.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null | null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi, i've (f27) had a close friend group since high school (10-15 years). this group is my husband kent (m30), max (m28), evan (m27), and i. 4 years ago max started dating dina who would be his first girlfriend and really wants her to be part of the group. we had a bad first impression at my party. she wouldn't drink anything we had because it was "gross" so max left to get her limaritas. there were joints and bongs going around and she waited for the music to pause to loudly say "god are all of you stuck on stupid?" at a beach event we were all catching up, she walks away then pulls me away and says we should let the men talk. i didn't leave and later got a message from max saying that i made her feel uncomfortable that i was trying to be the center of attention. i really questioned if i was and asked kent and evan, kent was upset about it and evan said he understood where she was coming from but that's not cool to treat me differently. at another party she brought her 5 year old to the same environment. max asked to let them just watch tv inside while he hung out, which we did. at 9pm she asked us to turn it down! i did not and she announcing she was pregnant and this was stressing her out, evan asked them to both leave. i feel petty for disliking her but i rarely have to see her. until this month when she started a zoom wine group, both kent and max asked me as favor until more people joined. there was 6 women, now it's just us, she's crying everyday over it while still insulting my lifestyle, lack of kids, marriage. i finally hung up, texted her and max i don't feel comfortable doing this as anymore and i apologize as it was a favor couldn't complete. she didn't know max asked, and apparently thinks of me as her best friend. i've gotten dozen of messages from max, dina, and evan ranging "please be her friend for the peace" to "you're an asshole for putting this strain on the group." kent is also pressuring me and even asked if i liked max, if that was the reason i couldn't be friends with his girlfriend, he immediately apologized but i'm fuming! i'm so hotheaded sometimes that i dont know if i'm being an asshole and overreacting. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi, i've (f27) had a close friend group since high school (10-15 years). this group is my husband kent (m30), max (m28), evan (m27), and i. 4 years ago max started dating dina who would be his first girlfriend and really wants her to be part of the group. we had a bad first impression at my party. she wouldn't drink anything we had because it was "gross" so max left to get her limaritas. there were joints and bongs going around and she waited for the music to pause to loudly say "god are all of you stuck on stupid?" at a beach event we were all catching up, she walks away then pulls me away and says we should let the men talk. i didn't leave and later got a message from max saying that i made her feel uncomfortable that i was trying to be the center of attention. i really questioned if i was and asked kent and evan, kent was upset about it and evan said he understood where she was coming from but that's not cool to treat me differently. at another party she brought her 5 year old to the same environment. max asked to let them just watch tv inside while he hung out, which we did. at 9pm she asked us to turn it down! i did not and she announcing she was pregnant and this was stressing her out, evan asked them to both leave. i feel petty for disliking her but i rarely have to see her. until this month when she started a zoom wine group, both kent and max asked me as favor until more people joined. there was 6 women, now it's just us, she's crying everyday over it while still insulting my lifestyle, lack of kids, marriage. i finally hung up, texted her and max i don't feel comfortable doing this as anymore and i apologize as it was a favor couldn't complete. she didn't know max asked, and apparently thinks of me as her best friend. i've gotten dozen of messages from max, dina, and evan ranging "please be her friend for the peace" to "you're an asshole for putting this strain on the group." kent is also pressuring me and even asked if i liked max, if that was the reason i couldn't be friends with his girlfriend, he immediately apologized but i'm fuming! i'm so hotheaded sometimes that i dont know if i'm being an asshole and overreacting. aita? [/INST] nta, she sounds really toxic. also "let the men talk" would really piss me off, especially if the "men" were my friends and didn't try to defend me. </s>
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AITA for telling my mum she can’t go on holiday?
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i (17 f) am currently sitting my a-levels, in which i have 9 exams and they start on monday. these exams determine whether i get into university. i cannot stress that enough. my mum (46 f) just text me to tell me she is going on a ‘cheap vacation’ abroad tomorrow just days before my exams begin (which are the most important days as studying is vital). when she goes away (which she does a few times a year), i am forced to look after my two younger siblings (aged 7 and 9) who both have their own routines that i have to keep up with as well as my own. i usually agree to look after my brothers, unpaid, but this time i put my foot down. i am not failing my a-levels just for my mum and her boyfriend to go on holiday. i told her no. she offered to pay yet i still refused. my mum is quite sick and doesn’t get out a lot, as well as having 5 kids to feed. i feel so bad telling her no, i feel selfish. she hasn’t been on holiday in a long time and never treats herself to anything or has any time to relax. i normally would agree to babysit but the timing couldn’t be more inconvenient, and she knows this. am i the asshole?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/usfozl/aita_for_telling_my_mum_she_cant_go_on_holiday/
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2022-05-18 15:36:50
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nta. it is her responsibility to find childcare for her kids. if she can't, she doesn't get to go. she could have booked the holiday at any other time and has chosen not to. you are not a parent. you're not even an adult. stick to your guns.
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nta
at a guess you failing would suit her nicely...then she would have you trapped at home to babysit longer.
before she leaves, go out and don't come back for at least 48 hours. do you have a friend who is also,studying that you could stay with?
most importantly...do not get left with the kids, once she leaves you will be stuck with tjem.
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nta your siblings are not your responsibility and definitely not before your a-levels. good luck with your exams!
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nta.
your mother had 5 children, whether it was planned or not, i dont care. you are her child and not her child*care*. you may normally help with childcare, and that is lovely, but you were not asked or consulted prior to this booking and that is not only incredibly disrespectful but you are being used as a doormat. it's clearly expected.
you could have told her that this time did not work for you, but she did not ask.
you do not owe her anything, she doesnt have time to relax because *she* had 5 children. she does't treat herself because *she* has 5 children that come first - and hun, you're one of them. put yourself, you schooling and your tests first.
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nta!!! your siblings are her children and her responsibility. it is not up to you to rearrange your life and negatively impact your studies because she wants to go on holiday. at the very least she should wait until your a levels are over, but really she should at the very least pay you and/or make arrangements for your sibs.
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if she leaves you with the kids expecting you to care for them, call the police.
you are not free childcare.
nta
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nta. we’ll it’s normal for your parents to be busy, nobody forced mom to be a mom of 5, if she’s willing to pay so much have someone else do it
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nta i’d assume your mum knows when your a levels are
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nta
your future is much more important than her vacation. she can take the trip another time.
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nta.
you are not the parent of those children. you are not even 18 yet. if she gave a shit about you she would be taking the vacation when you're out of school in mere weeks.
if she goes anyway and its really going to ruin you, tell a teacher at school you trust that you're being left alone at home with no adult and are going to fail your exams due to being forced to take care of your siblings. this is a fairly nuclear option though.
at the very least i'm sure there's some family or family friends you could beg for help who would either shame your mom out of the trip or help take care of the siblings so you aren't.
there's also doing a safe but otherwise shit job of taking care of them. make sure they eat and don't get hurt but otherwise not being on their routine is mom's problem when she gets back, not yours.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (17 f) am currently sitting my a-levels, in which i have 9 exams and they start on monday. these exams determine whether i get into university. i cannot stress that enough. my mum (46 f) just text me to tell me she is going on a ‘cheap vacation’ abroad tomorrow just days before my exams begin (which are the most important days as studying is vital). when she goes away (which she does a few times a year), i am forced to look after my two younger siblings (aged 7 and 9) who both have their own routines that i have to keep up with as well as my own. i usually agree to look after my brothers, unpaid, but this time i put my foot down. i am not failing my a-levels just for my mum and her boyfriend to go on holiday. i told her no. she offered to pay yet i still refused. my mum is quite sick and doesn’t get out a lot, as well as having 5 kids to feed. i feel so bad telling her no, i feel selfish. she hasn’t been on holiday in a long time and never treats herself to anything or has any time to relax. i normally would agree to babysit but the timing couldn’t be more inconvenient, and she knows this. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (17 f) am currently sitting my a-levels, in which i have 9 exams and they start on monday. these exams determine whether i get into university. i cannot stress that enough. my mum (46 f) just text me to tell me she is going on a ‘cheap vacation’ abroad tomorrow just days before my exams begin (which are the most important days as studying is vital). when she goes away (which she does a few times a year), i am forced to look after my two younger siblings (aged 7 and 9) who both have their own routines that i have to keep up with as well as my own. i usually agree to look after my brothers, unpaid, but this time i put my foot down. i am not failing my a-levels just for my mum and her boyfriend to go on holiday. i told her no. she offered to pay yet i still refused. my mum is quite sick and doesn’t get out a lot, as well as having 5 kids to feed. i feel so bad telling her no, i feel selfish. she hasn’t been on holiday in a long time and never treats herself to anything or has any time to relax. i normally would agree to babysit but the timing couldn’t be more inconvenient, and she knows this. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. it is her responsibility to find childcare for her kids. if she can't, she doesn't get to go. she could have booked the holiday at any other time and has chosen not to. you are not a parent. you're not even an adult. stick to your guns. </s>
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AITA for calling my grandma out on being a liar
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my dad came home from work the other day kind of in a mood. but i didn’t think anything of it, because sometimes he just doesn’t want to talk to anyone which is fine.
but then my mom came up to me and asks me if i knew the reason he was upset. i said no and she went on to tell me that my grandma told my dad that i said his dressing (stuffing) was dry and tasted like it came from a box.
first of all for context, every year my grandma makes the stuffing, but last year my dad did for the first time. he used my grandmothers recipe and i don’t remember there being a substantial difference…so fast forward to now i’m confused on what she’s talking about because i never said that.
i was confused so i called my grandma and asked her why she told my father that i said that when i never did. she acted confused. she told me that she never told him that but she remembers me making comments on it last year. i first was thinking no way you remember that even if i did say it(she’s old and known for bad memory). i told her that if she wanted to make the dressing this year she could’ve just did that instead of making a scene out of it. she told me that was a nasty thing to say to her and i said it’s nasty that she’s trying to manipulate her way into making the dressing this year.
she was apparently upset and told my dad about
the conversation and now everyone’s telling me to apologize when i was just sticking up for my dad.
aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qz6gbc/aita_for_calling_my_grandma_out_on_being_a_liar/
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2021-11-21 22:43:39
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nta. if your grandma didn’t want to be accused of lying, she shouldn’t have lied.
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nta. sorry you're having to deal with this, your grandmother sounds like a drama queen.
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nta... don't tell lies if you don't wanna get caught, old ass granny or not
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nta. it's bad enough that she is deliberately lying and hurting her family's feelings because her oversized ego can't handle not being the star at every occasion. but this lie directly misrepresents you, a subject you have final and absolute authority on. call that narcissist out!
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[deleted]
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nta say you’ll apologize for being “mean” if she promises not to lie about you lol
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my dad came home from work the other day kind of in a mood. but i didn’t think anything of it, because sometimes he just doesn’t want to talk to anyone which is fine. but then my mom came up to me and asks me if i knew the reason he was upset. i said no and she went on to tell me that my grandma told my dad that i said his dressing (stuffing) was dry and tasted like it came from a box. first of all for context, every year my grandma makes the stuffing, but last year my dad did for the first time. he used my grandmothers recipe and i don’t remember there being a substantial difference…so fast forward to now i’m confused on what she’s talking about because i never said that. i was confused so i called my grandma and asked her why she told my father that i said that when i never did. she acted confused. she told me that she never told him that but she remembers me making comments on it last year. i first was thinking no way you remember that even if i did say it(she’s old and known for bad memory). i told her that if she wanted to make the dressing this year she could’ve just did that instead of making a scene out of it. she told me that was a nasty thing to say to her and i said it’s nasty that she’s trying to manipulate her way into making the dressing this year. she was apparently upset and told my dad about the conversation and now everyone’s telling me to apologize when i was just sticking up for my dad. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my dad came home from work the other day kind of in a mood. but i didn’t think anything of it, because sometimes he just doesn’t want to talk to anyone which is fine. but then my mom came up to me and asks me if i knew the reason he was upset. i said no and she went on to tell me that my grandma told my dad that i said his dressing (stuffing) was dry and tasted like it came from a box. first of all for context, every year my grandma makes the stuffing, but last year my dad did for the first time. he used my grandmothers recipe and i don’t remember there being a substantial difference…so fast forward to now i’m confused on what she’s talking about because i never said that. i was confused so i called my grandma and asked her why she told my father that i said that when i never did. she acted confused. she told me that she never told him that but she remembers me making comments on it last year. i first was thinking no way you remember that even if i did say it(she’s old and known for bad memory). i told her that if she wanted to make the dressing this year she could’ve just did that instead of making a scene out of it. she told me that was a nasty thing to say to her and i said it’s nasty that she’s trying to manipulate her way into making the dressing this year. she was apparently upset and told my dad about the conversation and now everyone’s telling me to apologize when i was just sticking up for my dad. aita? [/INST] nta. if your grandma didn’t want to be accused of lying, she shouldn’t have lied. </s>
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AITA for calling out my obnoxiously religious cousin?
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hi folks.
i have a cousin who is constantly loud and obnoxious regarding her faith—to the point that it is bizarre.
she frequently shares her prayers with the family and it seems to me that she imagines her god to be essentially santa clause in the sky. she’ll be driving on empty and pray to jesus for her to not run out of gas before she can refill. she’ll also listen to sermons on her phone with no headphones while the family is watching television or hanging out. i’ve asked her to be considerate in such situations of the people around her but she just ignores me.
the other day she texted our family thread that her son (15) received the lead role in a school play. this was great news! he’s a talented kid, and i had a feeling he would get the part.
instead of congratulating him or expressing any pride in his accomplishment she immediately begins blathering on in the thread about how she had prayed to god for this and that he had answered her prayers. she completely cut the kid out of his own good news! she has a history of controlling behavior and ridiculous attention seeking behavior that the whole family is familiar with.
i congratulated him and then asked her in the thread what exactly did she pray for? did she pray that the other kids would mess up the audition? and then i asked what about the other kids parents? did god just ignore their prayers?
she replied that “it just wasn’t the other kids time.” i went on to say that i was pretty sure her kid’s talent had something to do with him winning the role and i congratulated him again. he replied that i was right, he was the one who got the role!
a little later she messages me directly and says she would appreciate it if i didn’t joke about her faith in front of her child. and that she was trying to lay a foundation for him in a world of conflicting messages.
i replied that i wasn’t joking about her faith. i was genuinely curious as to what she prayed for. and also found it strange that she didn’t congratulate him at all on his achievement. she just bypassed the kid and gave all the glory to god. rme.
she tried to again control my voice and said that she would appreciate it if i didn’t question her and i explained that i had a right to question her if she has the right to bring up her prayers in the family thread. i also explained if she wasn’t cool with this then she was free to start a thread for the family without me.
tl dr my cousin is obnoxious and very public with her faith. everything is always about her and she can’t stand to be challenged. i called her out in the family thread. am i the asshole, folks? 🤔
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eoup0k/aita_for_calling_out_my_obnoxiously_religious/
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2020-01-15 00:52:36
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nta. religion is fine and dandy, but ignoring the hard work your kid has put into something will give them a complex.
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nta- i think more people should question overbearing religious nuts. all too often today religion is used as a verbal weapon to attack or shield to hide behind (ironic considering christian history) also i do not think your were overly aggressive about the situation. you made an inquiry and defended your right to your free speech. good for you.
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nta. the worst kind of faith is blind faith. if your belief in god cannot stand up to casual questioning, then i would suggest to you that perhaps you should consider whether or not it is worth believing. history is full of people who were led down roads they did not want to go down for the sake of blind faith.
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nta. shes using her faith as a mask for her shitty behavior. good on you for supporting your nephew!
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nta for congratulating the kid
>a little later she messages me directly and says she would appreciate it if i didn’t joke about her faith in front of her child. and that she was trying to lay a foundation for him in a world of conflicting messages.
wow this is a fragile belief of faith.
that being said, you need to decide what the best case scenario is from such exchanges with ur cousin. and what is the worst case.
tbh it does not seem like she praised god for kid getting the role but her prayer.
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esh. i've been an atheist forever and i still think you're being obnoxious. you could've taken the high road and wrote a comment gushing about your cousin's talent.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null | null | null | null | 0.034939 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi folks. i have a cousin who is constantly loud and obnoxious regarding her faith—to the point that it is bizarre. she frequently shares her prayers with the family and it seems to me that she imagines her god to be essentially santa clause in the sky. she’ll be driving on empty and pray to jesus for her to not run out of gas before she can refill. she’ll also listen to sermons on her phone with no headphones while the family is watching television or hanging out. i’ve asked her to be considerate in such situations of the people around her but she just ignores me. the other day she texted our family thread that her son (15) received the lead role in a school play. this was great news! he’s a talented kid, and i had a feeling he would get the part. instead of congratulating him or expressing any pride in his accomplishment she immediately begins blathering on in the thread about how she had prayed to god for this and that he had answered her prayers. she completely cut the kid out of his own good news! she has a history of controlling behavior and ridiculous attention seeking behavior that the whole family is familiar with. i congratulated him and then asked her in the thread what exactly did she pray for? did she pray that the other kids would mess up the audition? and then i asked what about the other kids parents? did god just ignore their prayers? she replied that “it just wasn’t the other kids time.” i went on to say that i was pretty sure her kid’s talent had something to do with him winning the role and i congratulated him again. he replied that i was right, he was the one who got the role! a little later she messages me directly and says she would appreciate it if i didn’t joke about her faith in front of her child. and that she was trying to lay a foundation for him in a world of conflicting messages. i replied that i wasn’t joking about her faith. i was genuinely curious as to what she prayed for. and also found it strange that she didn’t congratulate him at all on his achievement. she just bypassed the kid and gave all the glory to god. rme. she tried to again control my voice and said that she would appreciate it if i didn’t question her and i explained that i had a right to question her if she has the right to bring up her prayers in the family thread. i also explained if she wasn’t cool with this then she was free to start a thread for the family without me. tl dr my cousin is obnoxious and very public with her faith. everything is always about her and she can’t stand to be challenged. i called her out in the family thread. am i the asshole, folks? 🤔
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi folks. i have a cousin who is constantly loud and obnoxious regarding her faith—to the point that it is bizarre. she frequently shares her prayers with the family and it seems to me that she imagines her god to be essentially santa clause in the sky. she’ll be driving on empty and pray to jesus for her to not run out of gas before she can refill. she’ll also listen to sermons on her phone with no headphones while the family is watching television or hanging out. i’ve asked her to be considerate in such situations of the people around her but she just ignores me. the other day she texted our family thread that her son (15) received the lead role in a school play. this was great news! he’s a talented kid, and i had a feeling he would get the part. instead of congratulating him or expressing any pride in his accomplishment she immediately begins blathering on in the thread about how she had prayed to god for this and that he had answered her prayers. she completely cut the kid out of his own good news! she has a history of controlling behavior and ridiculous attention seeking behavior that the whole family is familiar with. i congratulated him and then asked her in the thread what exactly did she pray for? did she pray that the other kids would mess up the audition? and then i asked what about the other kids parents? did god just ignore their prayers? she replied that “it just wasn’t the other kids time.” i went on to say that i was pretty sure her kid’s talent had something to do with him winning the role and i congratulated him again. he replied that i was right, he was the one who got the role! a little later she messages me directly and says she would appreciate it if i didn’t joke about her faith in front of her child. and that she was trying to lay a foundation for him in a world of conflicting messages. i replied that i wasn’t joking about her faith. i was genuinely curious as to what she prayed for. and also found it strange that she didn’t congratulate him at all on his achievement. she just bypassed the kid and gave all the glory to god. rme. she tried to again control my voice and said that she would appreciate it if i didn’t question her and i explained that i had a right to question her if she has the right to bring up her prayers in the family thread. i also explained if she wasn’t cool with this then she was free to start a thread for the family without me. tl dr my cousin is obnoxious and very public with her faith. everything is always about her and she can’t stand to be challenged. i called her out in the family thread. am i the asshole, folks? 🤔 [/INST] nta. religion is fine and dandy, but ignoring the hard work your kid has put into something will give them a complex. </s>
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AITA for refusing to babysit my half-sister's kids?
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my relationship with my half-sister (i'll call her sarah (28f)) isn't bad but we don't always get along because of our age difference and other stuff. she's also an essential worker since she has a full time job at a grocery store and the father of her children left her soon after her second pregnancy was announced.
i (21f) have been babysitting my half-sister's kids (6f & 8m) for the past 3 years. it's nothing major (maybe 8-16 hours a week) and i charge them $8 an hour which is a few dollars below minimum wage. since the pandemic, her two kids have been out of school and staying at home while sarah still has to go to work. this means that i have started to babysit her kids more often which is fine because i adore them.
2 days ago, sarah asked me to babysit and i drove to her house and knocked the door, only to find out that instead of babysitting just my niece and nephew, i'd also be baby sitting her co-worker's son (7m).
i told her that if she wanted me to babysit 3 kids, i'd be charging $10 an hour which is also below minimum wage. she broke down crying saying that it wasn't her fault that the pandemic started and how she was a single mom and it was only fair.
at first i tried to reason with her and tell her that she should have at least told me in advance but she said that she owed her co-worker a favor. i was upset that she didn't tell me and told her that this would be the last time i babysitted if she did this again. she didn't even thank me before rushing out the door for work.
today, sarah had another shift so she called me to babysit again and the minute i walked through the door, i was met by the same co-worker's child. we ended up arguing and i left. she ended up texting me that she had to take one of her unpaid sick days because of me.
on one hand, i feel like a total a\*\*hole because she's a single mom who gets somewhat tight on money and it wouldn't hurt me to take care of another kid for a few hours a day, plus it's not my only source of income (i do some other short-term babysitting jobs as well as odd jobs). however, at the same time, our parents (we share the same dad) help her out by paying her rent+utilities and she makes about $15 an hour so i think she can afford $10 an hour for 3 kids or she can split the bill with her co-worker.
what do you guys think? aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/icb9oa/aita_for_refusing_to_babysit_my_halfsisters_kids/
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2020-08-18 22:28:56
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nta
you were kind and understanding enough to let it fly once, she’s now done it twice, and it will happen again.
> she broke down crying
> she didn’t even thank me
> she ended up texting that she had to take one of her unpaid sick days because of me
> our parents help her out by paying her rent+utilities
she’s entitled and manipulative. i would seriously reconsider babysitting for her ever again, unless she a) sincerely apologizes) b) raises the pay rate; c) promises to discuss every future changes with you before calling you up.
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nta
she's taking advantage. don't sit for her again.
she might even be charging the coworker for your sitting services...
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nta. she's paying you below minimum for 2 kids to begin with, adding a third is crazy stupid. then to try and railroad you into doing it again after being warned not to? that's abusive.
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nta. you are free to say no and she's not entitled to your help or services just 'cause you're related. being a single mom is tough but they're her kids. her responsibility to figure out what to do with them when she needs time off or to take care of other things.
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nta. you aren't the one who owes her co-worker a favor, she is. sounds like she needs to stop asking everyone for so many favors.
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nta. she owes the coworker a favor, you do not. returning the favor would be watching his kid herself or paying someone to do it.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my relationship with my half-sister (i'll call her sarah (28f)) isn't bad but we don't always get along because of our age difference and other stuff. she's also an essential worker since she has a full time job at a grocery store and the father of her children left her soon after her second pregnancy was announced. i (21f) have been babysitting my half-sister's kids (6f & 8m) for the past 3 years. it's nothing major (maybe 8-16 hours a week) and i charge them $8 an hour which is a few dollars below minimum wage. since the pandemic, her two kids have been out of school and staying at home while sarah still has to go to work. this means that i have started to babysit her kids more often which is fine because i adore them. 2 days ago, sarah asked me to babysit and i drove to her house and knocked the door, only to find out that instead of babysitting just my niece and nephew, i'd also be baby sitting her co-worker's son (7m). i told her that if she wanted me to babysit 3 kids, i'd be charging $10 an hour which is also below minimum wage. she broke down crying saying that it wasn't her fault that the pandemic started and how she was a single mom and it was only fair. at first i tried to reason with her and tell her that she should have at least told me in advance but she said that she owed her co-worker a favor. i was upset that she didn't tell me and told her that this would be the last time i babysitted if she did this again. she didn't even thank me before rushing out the door for work. today, sarah had another shift so she called me to babysit again and the minute i walked through the door, i was met by the same co-worker's child. we ended up arguing and i left. she ended up texting me that she had to take one of her unpaid sick days because of me. on one hand, i feel like a total a\*\*hole because she's a single mom who gets somewhat tight on money and it wouldn't hurt me to take care of another kid for a few hours a day, plus it's not my only source of income (i do some other short-term babysitting jobs as well as odd jobs). however, at the same time, our parents (we share the same dad) help her out by paying her rent+utilities and she makes about $15 an hour so i think she can afford $10 an hour for 3 kids or she can split the bill with her co-worker. what do you guys think? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my relationship with my half-sister (i'll call her sarah (28f)) isn't bad but we don't always get along because of our age difference and other stuff. she's also an essential worker since she has a full time job at a grocery store and the father of her children left her soon after her second pregnancy was announced. i (21f) have been babysitting my half-sister's kids (6f & 8m) for the past 3 years. it's nothing major (maybe 8-16 hours a week) and i charge them $8 an hour which is a few dollars below minimum wage. since the pandemic, her two kids have been out of school and staying at home while sarah still has to go to work. this means that i have started to babysit her kids more often which is fine because i adore them. 2 days ago, sarah asked me to babysit and i drove to her house and knocked the door, only to find out that instead of babysitting just my niece and nephew, i'd also be baby sitting her co-worker's son (7m). i told her that if she wanted me to babysit 3 kids, i'd be charging $10 an hour which is also below minimum wage. she broke down crying saying that it wasn't her fault that the pandemic started and how she was a single mom and it was only fair. at first i tried to reason with her and tell her that she should have at least told me in advance but she said that she owed her co-worker a favor. i was upset that she didn't tell me and told her that this would be the last time i babysitted if she did this again. she didn't even thank me before rushing out the door for work. today, sarah had another shift so she called me to babysit again and the minute i walked through the door, i was met by the same co-worker's child. we ended up arguing and i left. she ended up texting me that she had to take one of her unpaid sick days because of me. on one hand, i feel like a total a\*\*hole because she's a single mom who gets somewhat tight on money and it wouldn't hurt me to take care of another kid for a few hours a day, plus it's not my only source of income (i do some other short-term babysitting jobs as well as odd jobs). however, at the same time, our parents (we share the same dad) help her out by paying her rent+utilities and she makes about $15 an hour so i think she can afford $10 an hour for 3 kids or she can split the bill with her co-worker. what do you guys think? aita? [/INST] nta you were kind and understanding enough to let it fly once, she’s now done it twice, and it will happen again. > she broke down crying > she didn’t even thank me > she ended up texting that she had to take one of her unpaid sick days because of me > our parents help her out by paying her rent+utilities she’s entitled and manipulative. i would seriously reconsider babysitting for her ever again, unless she a) sincerely apologizes) b) raises the pay rate; c) promises to discuss every future changes with you before calling you up. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom to ask me permission to invite people to my house when I'm not home?
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i (33f) live with my husband (42m) and two children (8m) and (2m). my mother does not live with me, or even in the same town as me. she lives about an hour a drive away. i asked her to babysit at my house a couple hours later this month so hubby and i can go on a date (not on valentine's day but the weekend after). anyways i would order them pizza and pay her if she would accept it, she never does though. anyways on one of my facebook posts my sister was telling me she wanted to bring her new boyfriend over for dinner sometime so we can meet him. i agreed and said to let me know when and i will make dinner. then my mom commented and invited them both down to my house to babysit with her. i just felt it was a little weird, and not that i don't trust their judgement and they would both be there, and not that i care about my sister coming over but i never met this guy and also i wasn't even asked if i would be ok with it, which if i had been asked first i likely would have been ok with it. i talked to my husband and he agreed it is a super weird thing to do. so i texted my mom and asked her to please not to invite people i don't know to my home, especially when i don't know them and won't be there. i felt this was reasonable but apparently not because then i got a tyraid from my mom about how i don't trust her judgement and it's my sister and her boyfriend is a great guy. and really all i wanted was her to acknowledge that maybe asking me first would have been the thing to do. so i ended up telling her i would find other childcare arrangements, and now i'm sure some narrative is being spun to my sister and her bf to make me out to be the ahole, but i feel this is a boundary i really need to keep. so aita
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/snazwh/aita_for_telling_my_mom_to_ask_me_permission_to/
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2022-02-08 04:27:50
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nta. it’s not about trust, it’s more so in my opinion respect. or lack of respect.
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nta!!! your mom clearly can’t handle boundaries—you recognized this and, when she went nuts on you, immediately set appropriate ones. good job for being the adult in the room.
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nta. your house, your kids, your rules.
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nta. your mom overstepped. i'm sure she would trust her new bf with your kids but you haven't met him so how could she expect you to trust him?
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nta it's your house you get to decide who is allowed inside and who isn't.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (33f) live with my husband (42m) and two children (8m) and (2m). my mother does not live with me, or even in the same town as me. she lives about an hour a drive away. i asked her to babysit at my house a couple hours later this month so hubby and i can go on a date (not on valentine's day but the weekend after). anyways i would order them pizza and pay her if she would accept it, she never does though. anyways on one of my facebook posts my sister was telling me she wanted to bring her new boyfriend over for dinner sometime so we can meet him. i agreed and said to let me know when and i will make dinner. then my mom commented and invited them both down to my house to babysit with her. i just felt it was a little weird, and not that i don't trust their judgement and they would both be there, and not that i care about my sister coming over but i never met this guy and also i wasn't even asked if i would be ok with it, which if i had been asked first i likely would have been ok with it. i talked to my husband and he agreed it is a super weird thing to do. so i texted my mom and asked her to please not to invite people i don't know to my home, especially when i don't know them and won't be there. i felt this was reasonable but apparently not because then i got a tyraid from my mom about how i don't trust her judgement and it's my sister and her boyfriend is a great guy. and really all i wanted was her to acknowledge that maybe asking me first would have been the thing to do. so i ended up telling her i would find other childcare arrangements, and now i'm sure some narrative is being spun to my sister and her bf to make me out to be the ahole, but i feel this is a boundary i really need to keep. so aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (33f) live with my husband (42m) and two children (8m) and (2m). my mother does not live with me, or even in the same town as me. she lives about an hour a drive away. i asked her to babysit at my house a couple hours later this month so hubby and i can go on a date (not on valentine's day but the weekend after). anyways i would order them pizza and pay her if she would accept it, she never does though. anyways on one of my facebook posts my sister was telling me she wanted to bring her new boyfriend over for dinner sometime so we can meet him. i agreed and said to let me know when and i will make dinner. then my mom commented and invited them both down to my house to babysit with her. i just felt it was a little weird, and not that i don't trust their judgement and they would both be there, and not that i care about my sister coming over but i never met this guy and also i wasn't even asked if i would be ok with it, which if i had been asked first i likely would have been ok with it. i talked to my husband and he agreed it is a super weird thing to do. so i texted my mom and asked her to please not to invite people i don't know to my home, especially when i don't know them and won't be there. i felt this was reasonable but apparently not because then i got a tyraid from my mom about how i don't trust her judgement and it's my sister and her boyfriend is a great guy. and really all i wanted was her to acknowledge that maybe asking me first would have been the thing to do. so i ended up telling her i would find other childcare arrangements, and now i'm sure some narrative is being spun to my sister and her bf to make me out to be the ahole, but i feel this is a boundary i really need to keep. so aita [/INST] nta. it’s not about trust, it’s more so in my opinion respect. or lack of respect. </s>
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AITA For making my mom buy my toilet paper from me?
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okay, i know it sounds bad, but let me explain.
i am 24 and live at home. i have my own room,
bathroom and kitchen (i the finished basement). i pay rent, pay for food, cleaning supplies, etc. now, if i ever run out of paper towel, my mom makes me buy a roll off of her until i can get to the store. i’ve always understood this and have been fine with it.
a few days ago my mom went to the store to do her shopping run. she came home and realized that she forgot to buy toilet paper. so she came downstairs and asked to use a few rolls of mine until she could get to the store. i told her that was fine and told her to just leave a dollar or two. she lost her mind. she said i should be thinking of my family and how she would never expect me to pay. i reminded her that whenever i need something she always makes me pay. she then said that times are different right now but i still shouldn’t make her pay. she got mad and went upstairs. she then told my dad what happened and he said i should apologize and just giver her a few rolls for free.
aitha for making my mom pay for toilet paper?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g72k32/aita_for_making_my_mom_buy_my_toilet_paper_from_me/
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2020-04-24 05:20:47
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nta. times are definitely different, but if the precedent was set that you have paid her for toilet paper in the past, why would she have an objection to doing so now? it isn't like you are price gouging her given the circumstances.
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nta.
maybe it's because i've always had a really good relationship with my mother, but we have *always* shared things with each other.
with that being said, if she was charging me for every little thing out of the blue she started asking me for stuff, i would absolutely charge her for it.
in good, healthy realtionships, people don't keep tallies of favors you do for one another because you trust them to pay it forward in some way later down the road (even if it's not expected).
but it doesn't sound like that's the dynamic of your realtionship with your mother. one of the golden rules is treat those how you wish to be treated, you are only treating her how she's treated you.
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nta technically your not ta if shes going to make rules she has to follow them to. of course it would have been nice to hive her some in these times. but that's totally up to you. nta
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nta. usually i'd say give her some, but since she makes you pay her for paper towels.... toilet paper is valuable currency at the moment as well ;)
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nta - but maybe give her a few rolls for free if you could get the next few rolls also for free
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nta and your family is weird.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay, i know it sounds bad, but let me explain. i am 24 and live at home. i have my own room, bathroom and kitchen (i the finished basement). i pay rent, pay for food, cleaning supplies, etc. now, if i ever run out of paper towel, my mom makes me buy a roll off of her until i can get to the store. i’ve always understood this and have been fine with it. a few days ago my mom went to the store to do her shopping run. she came home and realized that she forgot to buy toilet paper. so she came downstairs and asked to use a few rolls of mine until she could get to the store. i told her that was fine and told her to just leave a dollar or two. she lost her mind. she said i should be thinking of my family and how she would never expect me to pay. i reminded her that whenever i need something she always makes me pay. she then said that times are different right now but i still shouldn’t make her pay. she got mad and went upstairs. she then told my dad what happened and he said i should apologize and just giver her a few rolls for free. aitha for making my mom pay for toilet paper?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay, i know it sounds bad, but let me explain. i am 24 and live at home. i have my own room, bathroom and kitchen (i the finished basement). i pay rent, pay for food, cleaning supplies, etc. now, if i ever run out of paper towel, my mom makes me buy a roll off of her until i can get to the store. i’ve always understood this and have been fine with it. a few days ago my mom went to the store to do her shopping run. she came home and realized that she forgot to buy toilet paper. so she came downstairs and asked to use a few rolls of mine until she could get to the store. i told her that was fine and told her to just leave a dollar or two. she lost her mind. she said i should be thinking of my family and how she would never expect me to pay. i reminded her that whenever i need something she always makes me pay. she then said that times are different right now but i still shouldn’t make her pay. she got mad and went upstairs. she then told my dad what happened and he said i should apologize and just giver her a few rolls for free. aitha for making my mom pay for toilet paper? [/INST] nta. times are definitely different, but if the precedent was set that you have paid her for toilet paper in the past, why would she have an objection to doing so now? it isn't like you are price gouging her given the circumstances. </s>
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AITA for stretching in spandex shorts opposite a church
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about once a week i run speed intervals for training. there aren't any running tracks near my house but about 1km away there is a quiet residential road which is flat, quiet, and almost exactly 400m long (the same length as a track). at the end of the road is a small local parish church.
&#x200b;
when i'm training intervals i usually jog the 1km to the road to warm up, stop and do some dynamic stretching, and then start my intervals (normally 400 or 800m long). in-between intervals i have short recovery sessions, where i'll sometimes jog slowly, walk, or stretch.
&#x200b;
the other day i was doing some stretching between reps on the bench at the end of the road, which is opposite the church. the weather recently has been fairly warm, but very grey and wet, so i was wearing a lightweight long-sleeve top to keep the worst of the rain off, and spandex running shorts (something like [this](https://www.nike.com/gb/t/fast-running-shorts-2c26g6)) because i figured i would be too hot in leggings. an older woman came up to me and told me that i was being very disrespectful for lingering and stretching in such small shorts outside a church, especially as there were also a lot of primary schools in the area. i apologised and moved onto another street to finish my intervals and stretching, but it wasn't really an ideal place to do speed sets because it's a lot busier and i often end up having to stop for cars during the intervals.
&#x200b;
so was i being disrespectful? i wasn't raised christian and i don't want to upset people who are if what i was doing really was offensive. i would never do it on a sunday morning when people are going into/coming out of a service, but this was around 3pm on a monday afternoon and it seemed to be closed. also as a jew, i would feel perfectly comfortable doing the same outside a synagogue as long as it wasn't on a saturday morning/holiday. i also wasn't deliberately trying to appear provocative at all, i was just doing some calf stretches ([like this](https://cdn1.medicalnewstoday.com/content/images/articles/322/322809/calf-wall-stretch.jpg)) because my calf/achilles were giving me a bit of bother.
&#x200b;
if i'm the asshole i'll try and find another place for the summer, because it's going to be too hot to wear leggings most of the time. but if she was just overreacting please let me know because it really is the best place anywhere nearby to practice speed (everywhere else is hilly or has too much traffic) and i'll keep going.
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bzqfv9/aita_for_stretching_in_spandex_shorts_opposite_a/
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2019-06-12 12:11:18
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nta it's a public place, it's not like you're pressing your ass against their window. you're across the street for crying out loud.
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nta. it is known that old ladies at churches are the most judgmental self-righteous assholes on the planet. fuck'em. you do you boo boo.
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nta - christians should embrace the challenge of resisting the temptation of your stretching. for real though it’s a public place and it’s not like you’re going downward dog in the nude.
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nta and you really shouldn't have stopped. you did just let someone walk over you for no reason. pretty sure that if their god exists, he has way more important shit to worry about.
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nta - you can wear what you want. other people are free to look elsewhere.
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nta - you were fine. she is just conservative. dressing and stretching like that is acceptable, even around primary schools and churches.
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nta i hate when others try to bully someone for their personal beliefs. wear what’s comfortable and don’t worry about them
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nta. i think you just got her hot and bothered. she wants it. next time she bothers you, ask her to dinner.
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nta. even if it were a sunday, it's totally out of line for someone to approach you like that. for what it's worth, i doubt any of the other church goers care, don't let one angry old lady disrupt your workout.
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nta that lady needs to chill. i’m a christian, you can come stretch out in front of my church all ya like. on sundays you can even come in after service for a coffee and a muffin. or stop by service if you like being needlessly uncomfortable for an hour or two. stretch away, i say. who, in their right mind, honestly cares? and how could that be perceived as disrespectful? baffling.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: about once a week i run speed intervals for training. there aren't any running tracks near my house but about 1km away there is a quiet residential road which is flat, quiet, and almost exactly 400m long (the same length as a track). at the end of the road is a small local parish church. &#x200b; when i'm training intervals i usually jog the 1km to the road to warm up, stop and do some dynamic stretching, and then start my intervals (normally 400 or 800m long). in-between intervals i have short recovery sessions, where i'll sometimes jog slowly, walk, or stretch. &#x200b; the other day i was doing some stretching between reps on the bench at the end of the road, which is opposite the church. the weather recently has been fairly warm, but very grey and wet, so i was wearing a lightweight long-sleeve top to keep the worst of the rain off, and spandex running shorts (something like [this](https://www.nike.com/gb/t/fast-running-shorts-2c26g6)) because i figured i would be too hot in leggings. an older woman came up to me and told me that i was being very disrespectful for lingering and stretching in such small shorts outside a church, especially as there were also a lot of primary schools in the area. i apologised and moved onto another street to finish my intervals and stretching, but it wasn't really an ideal place to do speed sets because it's a lot busier and i often end up having to stop for cars during the intervals. &#x200b; so was i being disrespectful? i wasn't raised christian and i don't want to upset people who are if what i was doing really was offensive. i would never do it on a sunday morning when people are going into/coming out of a service, but this was around 3pm on a monday afternoon and it seemed to be closed. also as a jew, i would feel perfectly comfortable doing the same outside a synagogue as long as it wasn't on a saturday morning/holiday. i also wasn't deliberately trying to appear provocative at all, i was just doing some calf stretches ([like this](https://cdn1.medicalnewstoday.com/content/images/articles/322/322809/calf-wall-stretch.jpg)) because my calf/achilles were giving me a bit of bother. &#x200b; if i'm the asshole i'll try and find another place for the summer, because it's going to be too hot to wear leggings most of the time. but if she was just overreacting please let me know because it really is the best place anywhere nearby to practice speed (everywhere else is hilly or has too much traffic) and i'll keep going.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
about once a week i run speed intervals for training. there aren't any running tracks near my house but about 1km away there is a quiet residential road which is flat, quiet, and almost exactly 400m long (the same length as a track). at the end of the road is a small local parish church. &#x200b; when i'm training intervals i usually jog the 1km to the road to warm up, stop and do some dynamic stretching, and then start my intervals (normally 400 or 800m long). in-between intervals i have short recovery sessions, where i'll sometimes jog slowly, walk, or stretch. &#x200b; the other day i was doing some stretching between reps on the bench at the end of the road, which is opposite the church. the weather recently has been fairly warm, but very grey and wet, so i was wearing a lightweight long-sleeve top to keep the worst of the rain off, and spandex running shorts (something like [this](https://www.nike.com/gb/t/fast-running-shorts-2c26g6)) because i figured i would be too hot in leggings. an older woman came up to me and told me that i was being very disrespectful for lingering and stretching in such small shorts outside a church, especially as there were also a lot of primary schools in the area. i apologised and moved onto another street to finish my intervals and stretching, but it wasn't really an ideal place to do speed sets because it's a lot busier and i often end up having to stop for cars during the intervals. &#x200b; so was i being disrespectful? i wasn't raised christian and i don't want to upset people who are if what i was doing really was offensive. i would never do it on a sunday morning when people are going into/coming out of a service, but this was around 3pm on a monday afternoon and it seemed to be closed. also as a jew, i would feel perfectly comfortable doing the same outside a synagogue as long as it wasn't on a saturday morning/holiday. i also wasn't deliberately trying to appear provocative at all, i was just doing some calf stretches ([like this](https://cdn1.medicalnewstoday.com/content/images/articles/322/322809/calf-wall-stretch.jpg)) because my calf/achilles were giving me a bit of bother. &#x200b; if i'm the asshole i'll try and find another place for the summer, because it's going to be too hot to wear leggings most of the time. but if she was just overreacting please let me know because it really is the best place anywhere nearby to practice speed (everywhere else is hilly or has too much traffic) and i'll keep going. [/INST] nta it's a public place, it's not like you're pressing your ass against their window. you're across the street for crying out loud. </s>
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AITA for going Low Contact with my mom over my sister's behaviour?
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growing up my(23f) sister(26) always got the better end of everything. she got to take tap, ballet, piano, vocal and music lessons. every time she gave up, it was banned for me with the reason, "we tried that with your sister and she didn't stick with it." she was allowed to throw tantrums over anything i tried that was "her thing" even if i had done it first. movies, comic books, coloring/art, music, theater, sports, etc. with the exception of track and field since she admitted to never really liking it and just decided it wasn't worth her time to watch me while she went off to college. that's another story full of examples of the favoritism.
my mother claimed that i was my dad's favorite, and that they had to baby my sister to make up for that. she denied babying her. she denied special treatment. even when the house burned down and my mom decided to rebuild with only two bedrooms(previously 3 and a renovated 2 bedroom basement living space) and she tells everyone how i had moved out so naturally they didn't think to plan for me needing a home. that's a lie, as i "moved out" to stay with a friend after her informing me i wasn't worth a room in her home while i had been mostly moved back in after paying out of pocket for renovations on the aforementioned basement area had sent my depression into a sudden spiral and attempt that had me self admitted to a facility.
onto easter. my sister was worse than ever. her fiancé just moved in and my sister didn't bother to introduce me until she demanded a soda. cool, whatever. at some point my fiancé sits in an empty chair they had been occupying because the pair was no where to be seen and we had a full house of company. cue the quiet meltdown. he gets up and no harm done, right? well then my sister is telling anyone who will listen that my mom won't let them use the car. that's a lie. the car is for them to use as long as they help pay for it. but the icing on the cake was when my drunk aunt needed to go use their bathroom upstairs instead of the normal bathroom due to an incident. mom asked me to move the baby gate for her, so i did. instead of telling me, who hasn't been there in weeks, why there was a baby gate on the stairs, my sister screams across the house that the baby gate can't move because cats. i saw no cats. i asked her calmly why she couldn't just tell me that instead of screaming and she continued her tantrum. i loudly announced i was leaving, literally grabbed my fiance, hugged my grandma and left. apparently, so did everyone else.
i called my mom and told her i was officially done with family gatherings at her house, i can't play games like this anymore, and she was laughing. grandma is hurt and told me she wishes i didn't do that because "it'll hurt my mom" but she seemed fine...so aita for going lc with my mother over my sister's behaviour?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u8dr1r/aita_for_going_low_contact_with_my_mom_over_my/
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2022-04-21 03:04:53
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nta. you don't need to accept abuse just because it would make another person happy. if it's better for your mental health to go lc, then do so.
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your sister isn't mentally ok and neither is your mom who continues to enable this behavior. dont go to events/functions/private affairs if shes there. not petty at all and far from bta.
&#x200b;
nta by any means!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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nta.
i am so sorry your parents showed such favoritism for your sister. it’s not right. it’s perfectly reasonable to stop showing up for family events, when your reward is to be treated worse than a stranger.
tell grandma to let you know if your mother shows any *genuine* signs of missing you.
i hope your fiancé treats you with the love and respect you deserve.
sending you internet grandma hugs 👵
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nta and i would inform them that sister might end up getting physically hurt. there are adult services that should look into the situation for grandma if she lives there. they will make sure it's a safe environment for her and maybe scare sis into acting right
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nta!
i would of been no contact the moment they rebuilt a house with only 2 bedrooms. you’ll be better off !
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: growing up my(23f) sister(26) always got the better end of everything. she got to take tap, ballet, piano, vocal and music lessons. every time she gave up, it was banned for me with the reason, "we tried that with your sister and she didn't stick with it." she was allowed to throw tantrums over anything i tried that was "her thing" even if i had done it first. movies, comic books, coloring/art, music, theater, sports, etc. with the exception of track and field since she admitted to never really liking it and just decided it wasn't worth her time to watch me while she went off to college. that's another story full of examples of the favoritism. my mother claimed that i was my dad's favorite, and that they had to baby my sister to make up for that. she denied babying her. she denied special treatment. even when the house burned down and my mom decided to rebuild with only two bedrooms(previously 3 and a renovated 2 bedroom basement living space) and she tells everyone how i had moved out so naturally they didn't think to plan for me needing a home. that's a lie, as i "moved out" to stay with a friend after her informing me i wasn't worth a room in her home while i had been mostly moved back in after paying out of pocket for renovations on the aforementioned basement area had sent my depression into a sudden spiral and attempt that had me self admitted to a facility. onto easter. my sister was worse than ever. her fiancé just moved in and my sister didn't bother to introduce me until she demanded a soda. cool, whatever. at some point my fiancé sits in an empty chair they had been occupying because the pair was no where to be seen and we had a full house of company. cue the quiet meltdown. he gets up and no harm done, right? well then my sister is telling anyone who will listen that my mom won't let them use the car. that's a lie. the car is for them to use as long as they help pay for it. but the icing on the cake was when my drunk aunt needed to go use their bathroom upstairs instead of the normal bathroom due to an incident. mom asked me to move the baby gate for her, so i did. instead of telling me, who hasn't been there in weeks, why there was a baby gate on the stairs, my sister screams across the house that the baby gate can't move because cats. i saw no cats. i asked her calmly why she couldn't just tell me that instead of screaming and she continued her tantrum. i loudly announced i was leaving, literally grabbed my fiance, hugged my grandma and left. apparently, so did everyone else. i called my mom and told her i was officially done with family gatherings at her house, i can't play games like this anymore, and she was laughing. grandma is hurt and told me she wishes i didn't do that because "it'll hurt my mom" but she seemed fine...so aita for going lc with my mother over my sister's behaviour?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
growing up my(23f) sister(26) always got the better end of everything. she got to take tap, ballet, piano, vocal and music lessons. every time she gave up, it was banned for me with the reason, "we tried that with your sister and she didn't stick with it." she was allowed to throw tantrums over anything i tried that was "her thing" even if i had done it first. movies, comic books, coloring/art, music, theater, sports, etc. with the exception of track and field since she admitted to never really liking it and just decided it wasn't worth her time to watch me while she went off to college. that's another story full of examples of the favoritism. my mother claimed that i was my dad's favorite, and that they had to baby my sister to make up for that. she denied babying her. she denied special treatment. even when the house burned down and my mom decided to rebuild with only two bedrooms(previously 3 and a renovated 2 bedroom basement living space) and she tells everyone how i had moved out so naturally they didn't think to plan for me needing a home. that's a lie, as i "moved out" to stay with a friend after her informing me i wasn't worth a room in her home while i had been mostly moved back in after paying out of pocket for renovations on the aforementioned basement area had sent my depression into a sudden spiral and attempt that had me self admitted to a facility. onto easter. my sister was worse than ever. her fiancé just moved in and my sister didn't bother to introduce me until she demanded a soda. cool, whatever. at some point my fiancé sits in an empty chair they had been occupying because the pair was no where to be seen and we had a full house of company. cue the quiet meltdown. he gets up and no harm done, right? well then my sister is telling anyone who will listen that my mom won't let them use the car. that's a lie. the car is for them to use as long as they help pay for it. but the icing on the cake was when my drunk aunt needed to go use their bathroom upstairs instead of the normal bathroom due to an incident. mom asked me to move the baby gate for her, so i did. instead of telling me, who hasn't been there in weeks, why there was a baby gate on the stairs, my sister screams across the house that the baby gate can't move because cats. i saw no cats. i asked her calmly why she couldn't just tell me that instead of screaming and she continued her tantrum. i loudly announced i was leaving, literally grabbed my fiance, hugged my grandma and left. apparently, so did everyone else. i called my mom and told her i was officially done with family gatherings at her house, i can't play games like this anymore, and she was laughing. grandma is hurt and told me she wishes i didn't do that because "it'll hurt my mom" but she seemed fine...so aita for going lc with my mother over my sister's behaviour? [/INST] nta. you don't need to accept abuse just because it would make another person happy. if it's better for your mental health to go lc, then do so. </s>
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WIBTA if I told my roommates they can’t play on my switch anymore?
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so i have 4 roommates in total but roommate 1 is the concern (we can just say his name is jimmy for anonymity). i love jimmy okay, he’s been a great friend to me for a very long time.
with the new animal crossings game out, i was curious since i’ve never played an animal crossings game before. needless to say, jimmy has been playing animal crossing for longer than me and is a huge fan. i bought the game to check it out, with the included feature of having multiple console user to one island. i thought it would be a fun idea to have an island with friends.
my problem is that every time i login jimmy has literally sucked all the materials up that i can recover from rocks, trees, and buying out furniture before i can have some for myself (books cranny has limited supply in this furniture). my friend also has had the opportunity to invite people to the island. this is nice of course, but i haven’t had a chance to do this myself and i want that experience. i have to wait for space or to meet other villagers and before i can jimmy has already done that and taken up the free space i would use.
if that wasn’t enough, i’m trying to build bridges and stuff to improve the island, and jimmy hasn’t contributed any bells to build it, but told me we needed one. he has a money tree (which he got mad at me for taking the money, asshole move, but i’m new to the game and didn’t know how money trees were spawned until i was told). i honestly think if jimmy wants to play he’s gonna have to pay for the things i have to put down at his request.
i just want this experience on my own after this, but i feel like an asshole telling jimmy that he can’t play on my system anymore. he can’t afford a switch or the game on his own and i want to be mindful of that. i just feel like i’m getting robbed of experiences i want on my own game. i’m the one who bought the system and the game and i feel like i should have priority of materials and spawning items before any of my roommates. i’m thinking about setting an alarm just to be able to play my own game when the day resets. please tell me what to do, i don’t want to be mean but i’m getting fed up very quickly.
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fsi5sq/wibta_if_i_told_my_roommates_they_cant_play_on_my/
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2020-03-31 18:21:17
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nta. he shouldn't be ruining your experience of the game for his own selfishness.
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nta. is your switch and he isn't playing the game nicely.
but before you do that, cause it's likely to stir up trouble, set a rule that no one is allowed to play until after you do. go through get all the stuff.
then tell him if he doesn't pay for at least half of any future projects, you will remove his privilege to play and his file is forfeit.
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nta. he ruins the game for you if there's no fossils to collect, no fish or bugs to turn in. then you don't get to see your animal neighbors grow.
|
my daughter and i play animal crossing on the same switch. it's her switch and her game (although i obviously bought them both, still, they're hers).
i am aware that it is very cool of her to let me play on her island. i dig up only one fossil a day, leave most message bottles alone and leave gifts for her from time to time, including an occasional nook miles ticket.
i don't want to get kicked off, and most importantly i want her to have fun playing it!!!
this is the only way you can be a guest successfully, in my opinion.
so you're nta, and you have to talk to him about how to be a good guest and how not to steal all the fun and valuable parts of the game for himself.
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i'm very confused. admittedly i haven't played animal crossing in years and never on my switch, but can't you just have separate profiles? you play your game, he plays his just like... any other game.
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nta but the real asshole is nintendo. i feel like the having all users on one island should be an optional feature
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i have 4 roommates in total but roommate 1 is the concern (we can just say his name is jimmy for anonymity). i love jimmy okay, he’s been a great friend to me for a very long time. with the new animal crossings game out, i was curious since i’ve never played an animal crossings game before. needless to say, jimmy has been playing animal crossing for longer than me and is a huge fan. i bought the game to check it out, with the included feature of having multiple console user to one island. i thought it would be a fun idea to have an island with friends. my problem is that every time i login jimmy has literally sucked all the materials up that i can recover from rocks, trees, and buying out furniture before i can have some for myself (books cranny has limited supply in this furniture). my friend also has had the opportunity to invite people to the island. this is nice of course, but i haven’t had a chance to do this myself and i want that experience. i have to wait for space or to meet other villagers and before i can jimmy has already done that and taken up the free space i would use. if that wasn’t enough, i’m trying to build bridges and stuff to improve the island, and jimmy hasn’t contributed any bells to build it, but told me we needed one. he has a money tree (which he got mad at me for taking the money, asshole move, but i’m new to the game and didn’t know how money trees were spawned until i was told). i honestly think if jimmy wants to play he’s gonna have to pay for the things i have to put down at his request. i just want this experience on my own after this, but i feel like an asshole telling jimmy that he can’t play on my system anymore. he can’t afford a switch or the game on his own and i want to be mindful of that. i just feel like i’m getting robbed of experiences i want on my own game. i’m the one who bought the system and the game and i feel like i should have priority of materials and spawning items before any of my roommates. i’m thinking about setting an alarm just to be able to play my own game when the day resets. please tell me what to do, i don’t want to be mean but i’m getting fed up very quickly.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i have 4 roommates in total but roommate 1 is the concern (we can just say his name is jimmy for anonymity). i love jimmy okay, he’s been a great friend to me for a very long time. with the new animal crossings game out, i was curious since i’ve never played an animal crossings game before. needless to say, jimmy has been playing animal crossing for longer than me and is a huge fan. i bought the game to check it out, with the included feature of having multiple console user to one island. i thought it would be a fun idea to have an island with friends. my problem is that every time i login jimmy has literally sucked all the materials up that i can recover from rocks, trees, and buying out furniture before i can have some for myself (books cranny has limited supply in this furniture). my friend also has had the opportunity to invite people to the island. this is nice of course, but i haven’t had a chance to do this myself and i want that experience. i have to wait for space or to meet other villagers and before i can jimmy has already done that and taken up the free space i would use. if that wasn’t enough, i’m trying to build bridges and stuff to improve the island, and jimmy hasn’t contributed any bells to build it, but told me we needed one. he has a money tree (which he got mad at me for taking the money, asshole move, but i’m new to the game and didn’t know how money trees were spawned until i was told). i honestly think if jimmy wants to play he’s gonna have to pay for the things i have to put down at his request. i just want this experience on my own after this, but i feel like an asshole telling jimmy that he can’t play on my system anymore. he can’t afford a switch or the game on his own and i want to be mindful of that. i just feel like i’m getting robbed of experiences i want on my own game. i’m the one who bought the system and the game and i feel like i should have priority of materials and spawning items before any of my roommates. i’m thinking about setting an alarm just to be able to play my own game when the day resets. please tell me what to do, i don’t want to be mean but i’m getting fed up very quickly. [/INST] nta. he shouldn't be ruining your experience of the game for his own selfishness. </s>
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AITA for not getting my brother a Christmas present
|
me(22m) and my twin brother(22m) have never gotten along. like ever. we went to the same school until high school, and us separating and going to different high schools was the best thing to ever happen to me.
theres a ton of bad blood between us. it took its toll on me and it wasn't until we began getting more space that i realized just how far behind the curve i was in terms of confidence and social skills because of it.
the problem is that my parents are very family oriented, blood is blood, you always have eachothers back and no matter what you stay civil kinda thinking. which i understand, my parents are some of my favorite people in my life. but my brother is someone that will never change, and will always look for a reason to make me look back.
the latest problem happened last christmas when i told my brother that i would not be getting him anything for christmas that year and i would continue to do the same in the future. hes forgotten to get me something in years past, got me concert tickets before only to get mad later and take them back and go with a friend instead, so i figured he would see this coming.
well he did not. he went to my mom, complained about how unfair it is for me to do this and how this isn't how family treats eachother. basically tried to gaslight and manipulate her like he used to do when we were little.
my mom thought i should be polite and get him something little like a gift card, but like i said this dudes literally gotten me tickets to one of my favorite bands just to take it back later.
so aita for not getting him anything for christmas?
tl;dr i have no relationship with my brother so i didn't get him a christmas present
edited for content
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jncv3z/aita_for_not_getting_my_brother_a_christmas/
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2020-11-03 16:01:34
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nta donate to a charity in his name and give him the receipt 💅🏽
plus family is way more than blood. don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
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nta. your brother is. a 22 year old man shouldn't still be running to mommy to resolve disputes with his adult brother. i'm sorry that your mom is caught in the middle of this.
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nta - but you shouldn't have announced it, you should have just not gotten him anything like he does with you. and that ticket thing is wild. who does that?
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nta get him some candy you like but he doesn't or a small gift card to a store you like but he doesn't really shop at.
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i mean you have the perfect opportunity to get some petty revenge if you want. get the dude some coupons cut out of the newspaper or something. but nah, you dont have to get anyone anything but you'll need to understand they're going to be upset. especially with the belief family always matters.
for clarification the bother does suck but not because he's upset about not getting a gift. he's well in his rights to be upset. but i wasn't asked to judge his overall behavior just if op was an ah for not getting a gift.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me(22m) and my twin brother(22m) have never gotten along. like ever. we went to the same school until high school, and us separating and going to different high schools was the best thing to ever happen to me. theres a ton of bad blood between us. it took its toll on me and it wasn't until we began getting more space that i realized just how far behind the curve i was in terms of confidence and social skills because of it. the problem is that my parents are very family oriented, blood is blood, you always have eachothers back and no matter what you stay civil kinda thinking. which i understand, my parents are some of my favorite people in my life. but my brother is someone that will never change, and will always look for a reason to make me look back. the latest problem happened last christmas when i told my brother that i would not be getting him anything for christmas that year and i would continue to do the same in the future. hes forgotten to get me something in years past, got me concert tickets before only to get mad later and take them back and go with a friend instead, so i figured he would see this coming. well he did not. he went to my mom, complained about how unfair it is for me to do this and how this isn't how family treats eachother. basically tried to gaslight and manipulate her like he used to do when we were little. my mom thought i should be polite and get him something little like a gift card, but like i said this dudes literally gotten me tickets to one of my favorite bands just to take it back later. so aita for not getting him anything for christmas? tl;dr i have no relationship with my brother so i didn't get him a christmas present edited for content
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me(22m) and my twin brother(22m) have never gotten along. like ever. we went to the same school until high school, and us separating and going to different high schools was the best thing to ever happen to me. theres a ton of bad blood between us. it took its toll on me and it wasn't until we began getting more space that i realized just how far behind the curve i was in terms of confidence and social skills because of it. the problem is that my parents are very family oriented, blood is blood, you always have eachothers back and no matter what you stay civil kinda thinking. which i understand, my parents are some of my favorite people in my life. but my brother is someone that will never change, and will always look for a reason to make me look back. the latest problem happened last christmas when i told my brother that i would not be getting him anything for christmas that year and i would continue to do the same in the future. hes forgotten to get me something in years past, got me concert tickets before only to get mad later and take them back and go with a friend instead, so i figured he would see this coming. well he did not. he went to my mom, complained about how unfair it is for me to do this and how this isn't how family treats eachother. basically tried to gaslight and manipulate her like he used to do when we were little. my mom thought i should be polite and get him something little like a gift card, but like i said this dudes literally gotten me tickets to one of my favorite bands just to take it back later. so aita for not getting him anything for christmas? tl;dr i have no relationship with my brother so i didn't get him a christmas present edited for content [/INST] nta donate to a charity in his name and give him the receipt 💅🏽 plus family is way more than blood. don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. </s>
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AITA for abruptly quitting my job, and WIBTA for rubbing it in a little?
|
i recently got a new job after moving out of state. it paid nearly minimum wage, but it covered my costs so long as i got enough hours. i was told i would be getting around 28 hours a week. i got 40 hours a week consistently up until christmas. after christmas, it turned into 18 hours a week. that sucked, but that wasn't the deal breaker. i had only been there two months and was willing to pick up more hours at another store. it is a chain retail business, and nearly all of the stores (including the one i worked at) are understaffed.
things took a turn for the worse after christmas, when i got sick.
i called out sick on the 27th. i had chills, a fever, body aches, terrible congestion, a painful chest cough, and extreme lethargy. i couldn't stand at times. i could barely eat. when i called out sick, my manager said, "welcome to the club. everyone here is feeling sick too". she did not use a pleasant tone.
i toughed out my day of work on the 28th, but then it got worse on the 29th when i was off. it was sunday and i was not going to spend $500+ at the emergency room.
today, on the 30th, i dragged myself to work. i will admit, i was nearly 10 minutes late because i had trouble getting ready due to feeling so sick. i told my manager about an hour into shift that i had to go to the doctor. she got nasty. she said, "you can't get through this shift? you don't have the flu. you just have a stomach bug, we all got it too." i was going to leave it at that, go to the doctor, and then come in for my next shift later in the week. but then my manager said, "you're really going to make me work this shift by myself? okay. i expect a doctor's note from you." i would have been perfectly fine with her asking for a doctor's note had it not been in the most scathing, bitchy tone i have ever heard.
i quit and went straight to the doctor. guess who has the flu?
aita for abruptly quitting my job, and wibta if i send my ex-manager proof of my illness out of spite?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ehr9qe/aita_for_abruptly_quitting_my_job_and_wibta_for/
|
2019-12-30 20:05:59
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nta for exiting a toxic work environment quickly. you have to watch your health first. however, i’m not sure providing your ex-manager “proof” of your illness will really do anything. it’s not relevant whether or not you were actually sick - she could probably see exactly how sick you were. retail frequently allows very little wiggle room to complete projects on time (understaffed, under hours), so she was probably trying to shame you into staying.
|
nta
bosses who try to suppress employees from staying home when sick are absolutely reprehensible. sick days should be no-questions-asked so long as the employee has sick time accrued. you are absolutely not an asshole for taking proper care of yourself. she is a horrible manager for acting this way, and deserves every bit of inconvenience and "i told you so" that results from it.
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making sick workers come into work is why everyone else gets sick! she's a horrible manager. nta.
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>wibta if i send my ex-manager proof of my illness out of spite?
she doesn't care.
|
nta
and you really should send that doctor's note in
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i recently got a new job after moving out of state. it paid nearly minimum wage, but it covered my costs so long as i got enough hours. i was told i would be getting around 28 hours a week. i got 40 hours a week consistently up until christmas. after christmas, it turned into 18 hours a week. that sucked, but that wasn't the deal breaker. i had only been there two months and was willing to pick up more hours at another store. it is a chain retail business, and nearly all of the stores (including the one i worked at) are understaffed. things took a turn for the worse after christmas, when i got sick. i called out sick on the 27th. i had chills, a fever, body aches, terrible congestion, a painful chest cough, and extreme lethargy. i couldn't stand at times. i could barely eat. when i called out sick, my manager said, "welcome to the club. everyone here is feeling sick too". she did not use a pleasant tone. i toughed out my day of work on the 28th, but then it got worse on the 29th when i was off. it was sunday and i was not going to spend $500+ at the emergency room. today, on the 30th, i dragged myself to work. i will admit, i was nearly 10 minutes late because i had trouble getting ready due to feeling so sick. i told my manager about an hour into shift that i had to go to the doctor. she got nasty. she said, "you can't get through this shift? you don't have the flu. you just have a stomach bug, we all got it too." i was going to leave it at that, go to the doctor, and then come in for my next shift later in the week. but then my manager said, "you're really going to make me work this shift by myself? okay. i expect a doctor's note from you." i would have been perfectly fine with her asking for a doctor's note had it not been in the most scathing, bitchy tone i have ever heard. i quit and went straight to the doctor. guess who has the flu? aita for abruptly quitting my job, and wibta if i send my ex-manager proof of my illness out of spite?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i recently got a new job after moving out of state. it paid nearly minimum wage, but it covered my costs so long as i got enough hours. i was told i would be getting around 28 hours a week. i got 40 hours a week consistently up until christmas. after christmas, it turned into 18 hours a week. that sucked, but that wasn't the deal breaker. i had only been there two months and was willing to pick up more hours at another store. it is a chain retail business, and nearly all of the stores (including the one i worked at) are understaffed. things took a turn for the worse after christmas, when i got sick. i called out sick on the 27th. i had chills, a fever, body aches, terrible congestion, a painful chest cough, and extreme lethargy. i couldn't stand at times. i could barely eat. when i called out sick, my manager said, "welcome to the club. everyone here is feeling sick too". she did not use a pleasant tone. i toughed out my day of work on the 28th, but then it got worse on the 29th when i was off. it was sunday and i was not going to spend $500+ at the emergency room. today, on the 30th, i dragged myself to work. i will admit, i was nearly 10 minutes late because i had trouble getting ready due to feeling so sick. i told my manager about an hour into shift that i had to go to the doctor. she got nasty. she said, "you can't get through this shift? you don't have the flu. you just have a stomach bug, we all got it too." i was going to leave it at that, go to the doctor, and then come in for my next shift later in the week. but then my manager said, "you're really going to make me work this shift by myself? okay. i expect a doctor's note from you." i would have been perfectly fine with her asking for a doctor's note had it not been in the most scathing, bitchy tone i have ever heard. i quit and went straight to the doctor. guess who has the flu? aita for abruptly quitting my job, and wibta if i send my ex-manager proof of my illness out of spite? [/INST] nta for exiting a toxic work environment quickly. you have to watch your health first. however, i’m not sure providing your ex-manager “proof” of your illness will really do anything. it’s not relevant whether or not you were actually sick - she could probably see exactly how sick you were. retail frequently allows very little wiggle room to complete projects on time (understaffed, under hours), so she was probably trying to shame you into staying. </s>
|
WIBTA if I ask for the largest bedroom?
|
so, my roommates a \[21nb\] and n \[20m\] and i \[20f\] are all moving in together (them across state, and me across country), and i'm honestly super excited for this since it will be getting all of us away from our parents. i love them both dearly, and want us all to be happy in the house we're going to move into.
i would be putting most, if not all of the money down for the home since i'm the most financially well off of the group. this isn't a problem for me, because i was the one to bring it up, and assure them i was really okay with it. a and i would be on the mortgage since we plan on living together permanently, and n would be paying rent.
however, i'm currently sitting on a lot of anxiety right now because n asked how the rooms were being divided, and a said that no one would get the masters and we'd all pick between the 3 smaller rooms. this isn't the problem, considering, i'm not even sure i would want the master bedroom, but i kinda figured i would be allowed to pick which room i want? or at the very least, be part of the discussion about how rooms would be split up since i was asleep at the time.
wibta if i bring this up?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qtvetu/wibta_if_i_ask_for_the_largest_bedroom/
|
2021-11-14 18:00:36
|
nta
they decided this without you, this is a major red flag of how the dynamics of the house will be going forward. as person with the most money invested here, you should get the biggest room. rethink this before you spend your money and have a serious talk to them about it. good luck
|
nta. if you have a mortgage it means that you own the home and are free to make the rules. you may want to rent out the master for more money to help you cover the mortgage.
|
for be it from me to give advice, i see this ending in disaster if you're buying this place
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, my roommates a \[21nb\] and n \[20m\] and i \[20f\] are all moving in together (them across state, and me across country), and i'm honestly super excited for this since it will be getting all of us away from our parents. i love them both dearly, and want us all to be happy in the house we're going to move into. i would be putting most, if not all of the money down for the home since i'm the most financially well off of the group. this isn't a problem for me, because i was the one to bring it up, and assure them i was really okay with it. a and i would be on the mortgage since we plan on living together permanently, and n would be paying rent. however, i'm currently sitting on a lot of anxiety right now because n asked how the rooms were being divided, and a said that no one would get the masters and we'd all pick between the 3 smaller rooms. this isn't the problem, considering, i'm not even sure i would want the master bedroom, but i kinda figured i would be allowed to pick which room i want? or at the very least, be part of the discussion about how rooms would be split up since i was asleep at the time. wibta if i bring this up?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, my roommates a \[21nb\] and n \[20m\] and i \[20f\] are all moving in together (them across state, and me across country), and i'm honestly super excited for this since it will be getting all of us away from our parents. i love them both dearly, and want us all to be happy in the house we're going to move into. i would be putting most, if not all of the money down for the home since i'm the most financially well off of the group. this isn't a problem for me, because i was the one to bring it up, and assure them i was really okay with it. a and i would be on the mortgage since we plan on living together permanently, and n would be paying rent. however, i'm currently sitting on a lot of anxiety right now because n asked how the rooms were being divided, and a said that no one would get the masters and we'd all pick between the 3 smaller rooms. this isn't the problem, considering, i'm not even sure i would want the master bedroom, but i kinda figured i would be allowed to pick which room i want? or at the very least, be part of the discussion about how rooms would be split up since i was asleep at the time. wibta if i bring this up? [/INST] nta they decided this without you, this is a major red flag of how the dynamics of the house will be going forward. as person with the most money invested here, you should get the biggest room. rethink this before you spend your money and have a serious talk to them about it. good luck </s>
|
AITA for refusing to babysit my sisters autistic nephew?
|
within the recent pandemic, my sister has lost her job from covid and has recently been put into a short term employment system as a cashier. she recently asked me to look after her son, between the hours that she worked, (from 10-3) and this is when things kicked off. her son is very autistic and deals with behavioural issues, which have very often been demonstrated at family gatherings. now i would be perfectly happy to look after my nephew, as it is for short hours which only mildly inconvenience me, however i have never dealt with children, let along autistic ones in my life. when we had a row, she began to call me things like "ablest" and a "horrible disgusting person" before i hang up the call, which got me thinking.
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jo58wr/aita_for_refusing_to_babysit_my_sisters_autistic/
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2020-11-04 21:19:49
|
nta
> i have never dealt with children
game, set, match.
your sister has shit-all reason to expect this task is something you know how to do, are available to do, and are interested in doing.
autism need not even enter into the equation. you should never feel obligated to babysit anyone's child, ever.
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nta you have the child's best interests in mind. if you do
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nta. it’s not your child and not your responsibility.
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family aren't owed sitting from relatives. nta.
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nta, you aren't equipped to handle a child with autism to the point of behavioral issues. you are being fair to the child and yourself, it's not in your abilities. your sister was hoping for free child care, which i can understand. you aren't beholden to be her provider, regardless of her child's needs.
|
nta, there is more care required to handle a kid with disabilities, and you don’t feel comfortable with the responsibility. in addition to that you also don’t owe your sister childcare.
|
nta.
perfectly reasonable to voice your concerns. i do not have experience with children on the spectrum, and would refuse as well.
n t a for saying no.
as a compromise you could tell your sister she needs to outline clear guidelines and routines, in order for you to baby sit him. still though, if you do not feel comfortable having someone on the spectrum in your care, there is nothing wrong with that.
rude of your sister to lash out with such harshness. understandably she feels cornered with few options. but resorting to such harsh behavior when told no is going too far.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: within the recent pandemic, my sister has lost her job from covid and has recently been put into a short term employment system as a cashier. she recently asked me to look after her son, between the hours that she worked, (from 10-3) and this is when things kicked off. her son is very autistic and deals with behavioural issues, which have very often been demonstrated at family gatherings. now i would be perfectly happy to look after my nephew, as it is for short hours which only mildly inconvenience me, however i have never dealt with children, let along autistic ones in my life. when we had a row, she began to call me things like "ablest" and a "horrible disgusting person" before i hang up the call, which got me thinking.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
within the recent pandemic, my sister has lost her job from covid and has recently been put into a short term employment system as a cashier. she recently asked me to look after her son, between the hours that she worked, (from 10-3) and this is when things kicked off. her son is very autistic and deals with behavioural issues, which have very often been demonstrated at family gatherings. now i would be perfectly happy to look after my nephew, as it is for short hours which only mildly inconvenience me, however i have never dealt with children, let along autistic ones in my life. when we had a row, she began to call me things like "ablest" and a "horrible disgusting person" before i hang up the call, which got me thinking. [/INST] nta > i have never dealt with children game, set, match. your sister has shit-all reason to expect this task is something you know how to do, are available to do, and are interested in doing. autism need not even enter into the equation. you should never feel obligated to babysit anyone's child, ever. </s>
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AITA for refusing to share my Amazon Prime Video account
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my sister got upset with me because i wouldn’t share my amazon prime video account. she wants to let her friend use it. i said no. and now she is angry at me.
i have every right to say no right? i mean, i gave her my account for her to use it. she and her boyfriend can use mine. my parents can use it too. i don’t want to add a stranger access to my account.
i don’t want to give it to her friend because i don’t know her. i don’t know anything about this friend.
i’m scared to share my account to someone i don’t personally know because of privacy and being hacked.
but then my sister is guilt tripping me. she said this is her only friend and that she is lonely where she is. (she lives in another country than me and my parents)
and because i got it for free (just for year for signing up to a new broadband) then i should share it to her friend.
and my mom is also guilting me by saying my sister is upset and did i talk to her.
now i am torn if i should give my account or not. but i really don’t want to. please help 😫
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iux9ee/aita_for_refusing_to_share_my_amazon_prime_video/
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2020-09-18 01:59:36
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nta, your prime account can be linked to your bank details, what’s to stop this person you’ve never met before buying seven seasons of buffy the vampire slayer without your consent?
(although that is a great investment)
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nta. but lock down your account. earlier today, some jackass posted about logging into his friends account and changing the password and contact information.
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nta. it’s your prime account and you can share with whoever you want whether you got it for free or paying for it. you don’t need a reason to say no. if she wants her friend to have an account so bad, she should get one to share with her or your mom should get one. tell her no and stop giving reasons, makes people think you’ll budge. and if she doesn’t stop bothering you about it, tell her you’ll take her access away next.
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nta - you don't have to share with her. amazon prime is also your amazon account, which means it holds a lot of personal information on it, sharing it was a stranger isn't wise
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nta - prime videos has your card attached to it so you can buy or rent movies. never give passwords or emails to strangers even if someone you know and loves trust them. how do you know that they respect you enough to not give it to someone that stranger might care for? how would you know if they respected the person you know to keep the information to themselves? it’s nice to help others, but there is a limit on what you are comfortable with doing.
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nta don’t do it
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nta your account your rules
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister got upset with me because i wouldn’t share my amazon prime video account. she wants to let her friend use it. i said no. and now she is angry at me. i have every right to say no right? i mean, i gave her my account for her to use it. she and her boyfriend can use mine. my parents can use it too. i don’t want to add a stranger access to my account. i don’t want to give it to her friend because i don’t know her. i don’t know anything about this friend. i’m scared to share my account to someone i don’t personally know because of privacy and being hacked. but then my sister is guilt tripping me. she said this is her only friend and that she is lonely where she is. (she lives in another country than me and my parents) and because i got it for free (just for year for signing up to a new broadband) then i should share it to her friend. and my mom is also guilting me by saying my sister is upset and did i talk to her. now i am torn if i should give my account or not. but i really don’t want to. please help 😫
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister got upset with me because i wouldn’t share my amazon prime video account. she wants to let her friend use it. i said no. and now she is angry at me. i have every right to say no right? i mean, i gave her my account for her to use it. she and her boyfriend can use mine. my parents can use it too. i don’t want to add a stranger access to my account. i don’t want to give it to her friend because i don’t know her. i don’t know anything about this friend. i’m scared to share my account to someone i don’t personally know because of privacy and being hacked. but then my sister is guilt tripping me. she said this is her only friend and that she is lonely where she is. (she lives in another country than me and my parents) and because i got it for free (just for year for signing up to a new broadband) then i should share it to her friend. and my mom is also guilting me by saying my sister is upset and did i talk to her. now i am torn if i should give my account or not. but i really don’t want to. please help 😫 [/INST] nta, your prime account can be linked to your bank details, what’s to stop this person you’ve never met before buying seven seasons of buffy the vampire slayer without your consent? (although that is a great investment) </s>
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AITA for telling my mother she cannot dye her hair in my bathroom?
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my mother and i have always had a contentious relationship, so i am trying to figure out if i am being too controlling in the following situation.
mom is staying at my house to help me out with some urgent and unexpected issues. she was suppose to come up with my dad later on in the month, but things came up and she's doing me a favor staying her for a bit.
she dyes her hair to cover grays. boxed dark brown or brown red hair color. both bathrooms at my parents' house are covered in splotches of brown/black/reddish stains, mainly the tub and shower, but also spots around the floor.
last week i asked if she needed me to pick up anything on the way home since i was going to target, and she told me to pick her up some hair dye.
she's staying and using my guest bathroom, which got remodelled about 5 years ago (before i bought the houes). its a lovely updated bathroom with nice white/pale tile. so initially i said i would treat her to a salon visit. she asked if i had a good colorist...and i don't. i don't color my hair. so she got suspicious and asked why i didn't just save money and let her dye it herself since she does it all the time. i finally told her i didn't want to mess up the bathroom with dye stains. she tells me "why would you think i would mess up the bathroom?" i told her about the splotches at home and she tells me that i am being unreasonable and that it was a small mistake and both my dad and i need to just let it go.
so i kind of put my foot down and said "no i don't want you using dark hair dye in a white bathroom. i am happy to take you to the salon to get it done". she said "fine. i can do it in the garage if you are so afraid of me messing up your space." then she ranted about how she's doing me a favor by being here and if she was home, this wouldn't even be an argument.
dad said i was being controlling. he said i am being melodramatic about the splotches in the bathroom at home, but does admit there are more than one small spot. and yes, he also admit that he has argued with my mother about the fact that there are splotches in their bathroom.
is this a dumb thing for me to stand firm on?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/red6rp/aita_for_telling_my_mother_she_cannot_dye_her/
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2021-12-12 00:54:41
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nta. your house, your rules
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nta. you have proof that she does not control her dye and doesn’t care where it lands via the splotches all over her bath room and i don’t blame you for wanting to keep your white bathroom staying white. and the fact that she went off even after you offered to get her roots professionally done says a lot about how’s she’s the one trying to be controlling.
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nta. i’m sure she told you “her house her rules” when you were growing up, time to extend that to her. honestly, the second she said “i’m doing you a favor by being here”, i would’ve had her leave. i wouldn’t tolerate that abusive shit.
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nta. as someone that used to dye their hair every color of the rainbow, hair dye is a pain in the *ass* to clean up, especially dark colors. i wouldn't want her to dye her hair there either. this isn't about being controlling, it's about not wanting your space possibly permanently ruined.
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nta. it not that hard to clean up hair dye when it's still freshly spilled, but clearly she doesn't do that. if she can't prevent a mess, she doesn't get to use your nice white bathroom to dye her hair. simple as that.
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nta.
i dye my hair black, every 3 months or so, and even with bleach it's a pain to remove. i've stained the light switch, the marble counter, the wood base.
unless she's gonna scrub that clean while she waits for the dye she can do a salon.
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nta. she can splotch up her own home if she wants, but this is your home, and bathroom remodels ain't cheap.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mother and i have always had a contentious relationship, so i am trying to figure out if i am being too controlling in the following situation. mom is staying at my house to help me out with some urgent and unexpected issues. she was suppose to come up with my dad later on in the month, but things came up and she's doing me a favor staying her for a bit. she dyes her hair to cover grays. boxed dark brown or brown red hair color. both bathrooms at my parents' house are covered in splotches of brown/black/reddish stains, mainly the tub and shower, but also spots around the floor. last week i asked if she needed me to pick up anything on the way home since i was going to target, and she told me to pick her up some hair dye. she's staying and using my guest bathroom, which got remodelled about 5 years ago (before i bought the houes). its a lovely updated bathroom with nice white/pale tile. so initially i said i would treat her to a salon visit. she asked if i had a good colorist...and i don't. i don't color my hair. so she got suspicious and asked why i didn't just save money and let her dye it herself since she does it all the time. i finally told her i didn't want to mess up the bathroom with dye stains. she tells me "why would you think i would mess up the bathroom?" i told her about the splotches at home and she tells me that i am being unreasonable and that it was a small mistake and both my dad and i need to just let it go. so i kind of put my foot down and said "no i don't want you using dark hair dye in a white bathroom. i am happy to take you to the salon to get it done". she said "fine. i can do it in the garage if you are so afraid of me messing up your space." then she ranted about how she's doing me a favor by being here and if she was home, this wouldn't even be an argument. dad said i was being controlling. he said i am being melodramatic about the splotches in the bathroom at home, but does admit there are more than one small spot. and yes, he also admit that he has argued with my mother about the fact that there are splotches in their bathroom. is this a dumb thing for me to stand firm on?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mother and i have always had a contentious relationship, so i am trying to figure out if i am being too controlling in the following situation. mom is staying at my house to help me out with some urgent and unexpected issues. she was suppose to come up with my dad later on in the month, but things came up and she's doing me a favor staying her for a bit. she dyes her hair to cover grays. boxed dark brown or brown red hair color. both bathrooms at my parents' house are covered in splotches of brown/black/reddish stains, mainly the tub and shower, but also spots around the floor. last week i asked if she needed me to pick up anything on the way home since i was going to target, and she told me to pick her up some hair dye. she's staying and using my guest bathroom, which got remodelled about 5 years ago (before i bought the houes). its a lovely updated bathroom with nice white/pale tile. so initially i said i would treat her to a salon visit. she asked if i had a good colorist...and i don't. i don't color my hair. so she got suspicious and asked why i didn't just save money and let her dye it herself since she does it all the time. i finally told her i didn't want to mess up the bathroom with dye stains. she tells me "why would you think i would mess up the bathroom?" i told her about the splotches at home and she tells me that i am being unreasonable and that it was a small mistake and both my dad and i need to just let it go. so i kind of put my foot down and said "no i don't want you using dark hair dye in a white bathroom. i am happy to take you to the salon to get it done". she said "fine. i can do it in the garage if you are so afraid of me messing up your space." then she ranted about how she's doing me a favor by being here and if she was home, this wouldn't even be an argument. dad said i was being controlling. he said i am being melodramatic about the splotches in the bathroom at home, but does admit there are more than one small spot. and yes, he also admit that he has argued with my mother about the fact that there are splotches in their bathroom. is this a dumb thing for me to stand firm on? [/INST] nta. your house, your rules </s>
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AITA for refusing to interact with a 'friend' who stood by whilst I was bullied out of a friendship circle?
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my (17f) friend (17f - i'll call her amy) met a year or so ago when i was at a really low time in my life. amy was kind and supportive to me when i was struggling with finding my true group of friends and invited me to hang out and join her group (5 other girls) instead at the beginning of 2021. for a while i was super happy with them and truly felt like they would be my friends for life. however, they suddenly turned on me at the beginning of this year with a girl who we'll call ella leading the charge.
ella and amy have been best friends for a really long time and were always super, super close with each other. ella is the glue of the group and the one who decides who stays and goes, and over the years she's removed (through bullying - online and in person), those who get too close to amy. so, i got close to amy and got bullied out quite viciously. i reached out to her finally, asking if everything ella said about me was true and if she also felt like i was an asshole and got no response (amy avoids conflict at all costs, hates arguing and would rather stay silent that fight for anything. this is kind of why i feel i might be the asshole). it took me some time to get over the friendship, but i moved on and it was all good.
recently, amy has been trying to get close to me again. we have a couple of the same classes in school, and she'll always try to say hi and join the conversation. every single time i ignored her, feeling betrayed and hurt that she abandoned me when she knew i was at a low point and now wants to reconnect as if nothing ever happened? but my other friends are telling me i'm an asshole for ignoring her and say i should try to recover the friendship, since after all, "it was my fault that we fell out". so aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uy1ydj/aita_for_refusing_to_interact_with_a_friend_who/
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2022-05-26 07:16:29
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nta whatever friends are telling you that ella ousting you from your friend group out of jealousy over amy was somehow your fault are idiots. if she'd stand by and let not one, but several people treat you like shit, she was never your friend to begin with, so there's nothing to recover.
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nta. give her a chance if you wish to, but captiously. don't if you don't want to.
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nta
im not too sure but this post seems to be more about your other friends than you amy.
you got bullied and there is no excuse to bully other people. also it sounds like it isn't ella's first time doing this and i get it: amy shies away from conflict, but if ella is really only doing this to people that get close to amy, amy should definitely say something at some point. i mean, this kind of reaction from ella is not ok, neither to amy's new friends nor to amy herself.
and it's quite honestly your choice who you want to talk to. if your other friends think you're an ah, also their opinion. that shouldn't change your decision not to continue this friendship with amy either. i honestly wouldn't either. not because of amy, but because of ella.
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nta.
your "friends" are not your friends if they're blaming you for it.
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nta. it sounds like a classic case of an insecure bully who takes advantage of their friend's anxiety and doormat behavior. you don't owe amy your friendship.
that said, i hope amy finds healthy relationships away from elsa's manipulation. it's likely she has trouble seeing the situation clearly and that she's actually afraid of elsa's wrath. no excuse for her to do nothing when elsa is mean to others, but i hope she gets therapy and things get better.
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nta, but i would be very clear with amy about why you aren’t interested in friendship with her anymore (do this in person, not in writing so she cannot twist your words or share them with others to make herself a victim). do this to set a boundary so she (hopefully) gives you space. it’s frustrating to have to deal with people like this, but i recommend cutting that connection so you can move forward
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (17f) friend (17f - i'll call her amy) met a year or so ago when i was at a really low time in my life. amy was kind and supportive to me when i was struggling with finding my true group of friends and invited me to hang out and join her group (5 other girls) instead at the beginning of 2021. for a while i was super happy with them and truly felt like they would be my friends for life. however, they suddenly turned on me at the beginning of this year with a girl who we'll call ella leading the charge. ella and amy have been best friends for a really long time and were always super, super close with each other. ella is the glue of the group and the one who decides who stays and goes, and over the years she's removed (through bullying - online and in person), those who get too close to amy. so, i got close to amy and got bullied out quite viciously. i reached out to her finally, asking if everything ella said about me was true and if she also felt like i was an asshole and got no response (amy avoids conflict at all costs, hates arguing and would rather stay silent that fight for anything. this is kind of why i feel i might be the asshole). it took me some time to get over the friendship, but i moved on and it was all good. recently, amy has been trying to get close to me again. we have a couple of the same classes in school, and she'll always try to say hi and join the conversation. every single time i ignored her, feeling betrayed and hurt that she abandoned me when she knew i was at a low point and now wants to reconnect as if nothing ever happened? but my other friends are telling me i'm an asshole for ignoring her and say i should try to recover the friendship, since after all, "it was my fault that we fell out". so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (17f) friend (17f - i'll call her amy) met a year or so ago when i was at a really low time in my life. amy was kind and supportive to me when i was struggling with finding my true group of friends and invited me to hang out and join her group (5 other girls) instead at the beginning of 2021. for a while i was super happy with them and truly felt like they would be my friends for life. however, they suddenly turned on me at the beginning of this year with a girl who we'll call ella leading the charge. ella and amy have been best friends for a really long time and were always super, super close with each other. ella is the glue of the group and the one who decides who stays and goes, and over the years she's removed (through bullying - online and in person), those who get too close to amy. so, i got close to amy and got bullied out quite viciously. i reached out to her finally, asking if everything ella said about me was true and if she also felt like i was an asshole and got no response (amy avoids conflict at all costs, hates arguing and would rather stay silent that fight for anything. this is kind of why i feel i might be the asshole). it took me some time to get over the friendship, but i moved on and it was all good. recently, amy has been trying to get close to me again. we have a couple of the same classes in school, and she'll always try to say hi and join the conversation. every single time i ignored her, feeling betrayed and hurt that she abandoned me when she knew i was at a low point and now wants to reconnect as if nothing ever happened? but my other friends are telling me i'm an asshole for ignoring her and say i should try to recover the friendship, since after all, "it was my fault that we fell out". so aita? [/INST] nta whatever friends are telling you that ella ousting you from your friend group out of jealousy over amy was somehow your fault are idiots. if she'd stand by and let not one, but several people treat you like shit, she was never your friend to begin with, so there's nothing to recover. </s>
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AITA for punishing my daughter (10F) because of her racist behavior?
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english is not my first language, i hope you understand that. i took my girl(10f) to take a picture (i need it in some documents) and there was a man working there, she was clearly afraid of him which was very unusual because she **never** acts like this around anybody (we live in a mostly white area with some brown people but black people are super rare here) as he was trying to adjust her stance, her outfit and everything for a good photo, she didn't let him and he struggled a lot.
he asked me if she acts like this all the time and i lied, eventually, she finally took it and i confronted her about this behavior once we were home, she said that she didn't feel comfortable ("he was a big different man which scared her" her words) he was a genuinely nice guy, he even tried to gain her trust and love by giving her candy and things like that after he took the picture which she responded to by mean reactions. again, i want to stress on that she never acted like this before, she took many pictures a few years ago and they were all by white/brown men and she loved them. her behavior is embarrassing me because for a very young girl to be racist means only 1 thing: her family is racist (we are not) so that will get me a few problems with people assuming things about us.
i told her that this is very unacceptable and i tried changing her opinion toward people of color, she refused and i grounded her for 2 days. she went crying to my husband saying that it's not fair, my husband says that she has the right to feel afraid and be cautious of anybody and i told him that she has the right to do that but she should do it around everybody, not just specific individuals and in this house she follows our rules. we disagreed and she is still upset at me. i really don't know what to think if we are honest, i always try to make sure that my kids behave as best as i can so did i overreact here? aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wk78de/aita_for_punishing_my_daughter_10f_because_of_her/
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2022-08-09 16:08:19
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yta her being scared by a kind of person she has no experience does not make her racist and should not warrant a punishment.
what should have happened here is you taking this chance to explain how there are many types of people in the world and you should not be scared of them just because they are different.
and punishing her for not letting a strange man touch her because he's giving her candy is...... problematic at best.
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yta. a very large, strange man, was touching her, adjusting her clothing, and giving her candy. she acted appropriate for any child her age. i wouldn’t be comfortable with that either, and i’m an adult woman.
you were so concerned with your daughter being perceived as racist that you didn’t even bother to see that she was just straight up uncomfortable with her current situation. apologize to your daughter.
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yta. do you seriously believe teaching a child that it's unethical to feel uncomfortable is good parenting? or that if someone is touching her and she doesn't want them to, she has to let them?
>her behavior is embarrassing me
this is the root of the problem. you don't like how this reflects on *you.*
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yta - a strange male was touching your daughter's clothing and _body_. he was physically manipulating how she stood. this would make most children uncomfortable, but especially a ten-year-old girl that might be starting puberty! we teach our children not to let strangers touch them, and yet you stood by and got angry at your daughter for not liking being touched by a stranger because _you_ perceived the issue as being about race.
do you realize your assumption that your daughter was responding to race and not to the unwanted physical touch of a stranger is...you guessed it...racist! you are the one that imposed racism onto the situation, which says you are the one with an internal bias that you are overcompensating for because you don't want the public stigma.
that you thought him offering her candy should make it all better is even worse. "it's okay little girl, let the strange man touch you and you can have some candy!" see how that sounds?
i have friends that are professional photographers, one that works with actual models, the other a more family-based photographer. neither touch the people they photograph! they explain what adjustment needs to be made. if a child is involved that just won't follow the directions, they ask the parent to help get the child into position. touching a child to "adjust their pose" is extremely unprofessional.
literally everything you described gives me predator vibes. you daughter was certainly reacting to being touched inappropriately while you watched on and told her to do what the man wanted. that's traumatic. then you punished her for not being compliant enough. you are literally teaching your child to be a victim to any male that decides they had the right to put hands on her. shame on you!
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yta
nothing in that comment says she's racist, it says omg there is a random bloke touching me and asking me to do shit and trying to give me candy to do as he says.
sounds like your lo is the smart one in the family.
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info
i’m confused, you said that she’s had experiences with pocs before and had no problems then, what makes you think it’s a race thing now?
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your daughter is 10. she’s prepubescent and was touched a lot by a strange man to adjust her stance and her outfit. i started growing breasts when i was 9 and was extremely self-conscious about my body. if any man touched me or my clothes, i’d be horrified.
yta and you don’t punish someone for their feelings. and if you’re worried she’s scared of non-white people, then that’s also on you. simply refraining from saying racist things is not enough - you need to expand her circle, expose her to media showing different ethnicities or buy her dolls of different colors (ideally when she was younger and still playing with dolls). none of this on her and you need to punish yourself and then get over it.
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yta. this isn’t how you parent. talk to her about why she feels the way she does. create safety for her. this is coming from somewhere. you punishing her will teach her to repress her feelings with you.
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yta. punishing her for this will make her associate this negative experience and her negative feelings with black people. so it just gets worse. instead of accepting black people she will just be afraid of your punishment.
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yta.
i don't know whether she is racist or not. you need to find out and talk to her about that. what i do know is that this was a large man she didn't know and he was touching her. he didn't need to touch her clothing or body. in future when that happens, you need to protect her by telling the person she'll adjust her own clothing and stance.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: english is not my first language, i hope you understand that. i took my girl(10f) to take a picture (i need it in some documents) and there was a man working there, she was clearly afraid of him which was very unusual because she **never** acts like this around anybody (we live in a mostly white area with some brown people but black people are super rare here) as he was trying to adjust her stance, her outfit and everything for a good photo, she didn't let him and he struggled a lot. he asked me if she acts like this all the time and i lied, eventually, she finally took it and i confronted her about this behavior once we were home, she said that she didn't feel comfortable ("he was a big different man which scared her" her words) he was a genuinely nice guy, he even tried to gain her trust and love by giving her candy and things like that after he took the picture which she responded to by mean reactions. again, i want to stress on that she never acted like this before, she took many pictures a few years ago and they were all by white/brown men and she loved them. her behavior is embarrassing me because for a very young girl to be racist means only 1 thing: her family is racist (we are not) so that will get me a few problems with people assuming things about us. i told her that this is very unacceptable and i tried changing her opinion toward people of color, she refused and i grounded her for 2 days. she went crying to my husband saying that it's not fair, my husband says that she has the right to feel afraid and be cautious of anybody and i told him that she has the right to do that but she should do it around everybody, not just specific individuals and in this house she follows our rules. we disagreed and she is still upset at me. i really don't know what to think if we are honest, i always try to make sure that my kids behave as best as i can so did i overreact here? aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
english is not my first language, i hope you understand that. i took my girl(10f) to take a picture (i need it in some documents) and there was a man working there, she was clearly afraid of him which was very unusual because she **never** acts like this around anybody (we live in a mostly white area with some brown people but black people are super rare here) as he was trying to adjust her stance, her outfit and everything for a good photo, she didn't let him and he struggled a lot. he asked me if she acts like this all the time and i lied, eventually, she finally took it and i confronted her about this behavior once we were home, she said that she didn't feel comfortable ("he was a big different man which scared her" her words) he was a genuinely nice guy, he even tried to gain her trust and love by giving her candy and things like that after he took the picture which she responded to by mean reactions. again, i want to stress on that she never acted like this before, she took many pictures a few years ago and they were all by white/brown men and she loved them. her behavior is embarrassing me because for a very young girl to be racist means only 1 thing: her family is racist (we are not) so that will get me a few problems with people assuming things about us. i told her that this is very unacceptable and i tried changing her opinion toward people of color, she refused and i grounded her for 2 days. she went crying to my husband saying that it's not fair, my husband says that she has the right to feel afraid and be cautious of anybody and i told him that she has the right to do that but she should do it around everybody, not just specific individuals and in this house she follows our rules. we disagreed and she is still upset at me. i really don't know what to think if we are honest, i always try to make sure that my kids behave as best as i can so did i overreact here? aita? [/INST] yta her being scared by a kind of person she has no experience does not make her racist and should not warrant a punishment. what should have happened here is you taking this chance to explain how there are many types of people in the world and you should not be scared of them just because they are different. and punishing her for not letting a strange man touch her because he's giving her candy is...... problematic at best. </s>
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AITA for not telling my best friend that I was paralyzed?
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okay so here’s some backstory. i met my friend 10 years ago in high school. we went to the same high school and college and have spoken everyday since the day we met. after college, we parted ways and moved to different states to pursue job opportunities yet we have still maintained contact through text and call. a year after we graduated college, i was in a bad car wreck and ended up a paraplegic. i lost a lot of friends over it and felt like i lost a part of myself. it seemed like all anyone ever wanted to do was pity me for being disabled. i told my friend i was in a car wreck but that i is as fine.
business as usual. texting everyday and all that. i continued to not mention i was a paraplegic or in a wheelchair. it was nice having on friend that didn’t pity me or treat me differently after the accident. having a friend i didn’t have to talk about the wreck with. i was still “me” with the friend. i had originally planned on telling her what happened but a few weeks of me wanting normalcy turned into a few months and then a few years. then it felt like too late to ever tell her.
then one day, she told me she really wanted to come visit me and had a week off of work while she transferred from one department to the other and that she was flying in to see me. i panicked and acted excited but knew i couldn’t keep this from her any longer. so i told her how excited i was to see her and cleared my weekend so we could spent time together. i ended up calling back a couple of days later from guilt and poured my heart out confessing the truth. she was sobbing over the phone because of how upset and angry she was that i hadn’t told her and had been lying to her for so many years. i tried to explain my reasoning behind not telling her but that just made her more mad. she said she was hurt that i thought she’d treat me any differently and that i didn’t know her at all.
she has been ignoring my texts and calls for a week now and i’m sure our reunion was cancelled. i’m so upset that this happened and so angry at myself for not telling her right away.
aita for not telling my best friend that i was paralyzed?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c2ptkf/aita_for_not_telling_my_best_friend_that_i_was/
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2019-06-20 01:43:18
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nah but you're going to need to give her some time to come to terms with everything. you lied to her for years. not in a yta way, but she's still going to need time to process.
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nah. she has every right to need a minute to be pissed, that was a long ass time to omit a huge aspect of your life. but, you wanted normalcy. sure, maybe she would have stuck around and it would've been fine, but having so many negative reactions from other friends indicates that things would've changed. i hope she comes around, this seems like a silly thing to loose such a good friendship over.
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nah it sounds like she’s maybe dealing with the realization that she doesn’t know you as well as she thought she did and she likely feels like you aren’t as close as she thought. i get your reasons, but for sure there must have been many things about your life that you never told her because it would have led to the information of you being paralyzed. so in that way she’s probably feeling like she’s been left out of a lot.
but you’re entitled to share what you want with the people in your life. hopefully you can mend the fence, just have empathy for each other’s perspectives.
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i say nta.
maybe it's because i work with people with spinal cord injuries or maybe it's because i have a crap ton of health problems of my own, but i can't actually imagine being angry with a long-distance friend over something like that. in a situation like yours you lose so much sense of control and self-efficacy, it's only natural to want to control the things you have left (like your image or other people's reactions to you, which while you can't actually control the latter, you of course wish you could because so many of those reactions totally suck). it's nothing personal to her at all so hopefully she sees that. if you suffered a psychological or emotional trauma that didn't have such visible effects, would it still be your job to tell everyone you're otherwise close with lest they not feel like you trusted? appreciated? relied on? them enough?
that said, i guess she's not the asshole, either. she's probably just shocked. and it's understandable she doesn't want to take a whole plane trip and stay out of town to see you right when she's trying to process all this. hopefully she comes around and you can make her understand that she is so important to you and you do trust her, you just were too tempted by the escape that her lack of involvement offered you in general.
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nta it’s understandable, but the length of time is a bit much
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nah. i get why you did it, and after awhile, it would be hard to disclose out of the blue. i think it would be a weird conversation at any time, though. ableism is real and many people who are not prejudice in other ways are unconsciously uncomfortable or prejudice against people with disabilities. can confirm from personal experience. i also get why she is upset, as it is a big thing to hide from someone. i hope you guys can reconnect soon.
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nah can see both sides of this, just give her some time to adjust, you've had years.
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nah.
you have every right to disclose or withhold your medical condition to or from anyone. you can pick your own timing. you have no obligation to tell her anything you don’t feel ready telling her. and you might have needed time to process and accept this big change, too, before being ready to tell other people and face their reactions.
(it’s like, if you’re gay and you’re not ready to come out to your best friend, then you’re not ready! you don’t owe anyone any info!)
it is, however, also understandable that it might be a big shock to her. give her some time. i guess, ultimately, she’s more shocked/pissed at the situation than at you.
| null | null |
NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
| null | null | 0.030446 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay so here’s some backstory. i met my friend 10 years ago in high school. we went to the same high school and college and have spoken everyday since the day we met. after college, we parted ways and moved to different states to pursue job opportunities yet we have still maintained contact through text and call. a year after we graduated college, i was in a bad car wreck and ended up a paraplegic. i lost a lot of friends over it and felt like i lost a part of myself. it seemed like all anyone ever wanted to do was pity me for being disabled. i told my friend i was in a car wreck but that i is as fine. business as usual. texting everyday and all that. i continued to not mention i was a paraplegic or in a wheelchair. it was nice having on friend that didn’t pity me or treat me differently after the accident. having a friend i didn’t have to talk about the wreck with. i was still “me” with the friend. i had originally planned on telling her what happened but a few weeks of me wanting normalcy turned into a few months and then a few years. then it felt like too late to ever tell her. then one day, she told me she really wanted to come visit me and had a week off of work while she transferred from one department to the other and that she was flying in to see me. i panicked and acted excited but knew i couldn’t keep this from her any longer. so i told her how excited i was to see her and cleared my weekend so we could spent time together. i ended up calling back a couple of days later from guilt and poured my heart out confessing the truth. she was sobbing over the phone because of how upset and angry she was that i hadn’t told her and had been lying to her for so many years. i tried to explain my reasoning behind not telling her but that just made her more mad. she said she was hurt that i thought she’d treat me any differently and that i didn’t know her at all. she has been ignoring my texts and calls for a week now and i’m sure our reunion was cancelled. i’m so upset that this happened and so angry at myself for not telling her right away. aita for not telling my best friend that i was paralyzed?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay so here’s some backstory. i met my friend 10 years ago in high school. we went to the same high school and college and have spoken everyday since the day we met. after college, we parted ways and moved to different states to pursue job opportunities yet we have still maintained contact through text and call. a year after we graduated college, i was in a bad car wreck and ended up a paraplegic. i lost a lot of friends over it and felt like i lost a part of myself. it seemed like all anyone ever wanted to do was pity me for being disabled. i told my friend i was in a car wreck but that i is as fine. business as usual. texting everyday and all that. i continued to not mention i was a paraplegic or in a wheelchair. it was nice having on friend that didn’t pity me or treat me differently after the accident. having a friend i didn’t have to talk about the wreck with. i was still “me” with the friend. i had originally planned on telling her what happened but a few weeks of me wanting normalcy turned into a few months and then a few years. then it felt like too late to ever tell her. then one day, she told me she really wanted to come visit me and had a week off of work while she transferred from one department to the other and that she was flying in to see me. i panicked and acted excited but knew i couldn’t keep this from her any longer. so i told her how excited i was to see her and cleared my weekend so we could spent time together. i ended up calling back a couple of days later from guilt and poured my heart out confessing the truth. she was sobbing over the phone because of how upset and angry she was that i hadn’t told her and had been lying to her for so many years. i tried to explain my reasoning behind not telling her but that just made her more mad. she said she was hurt that i thought she’d treat me any differently and that i didn’t know her at all. she has been ignoring my texts and calls for a week now and i’m sure our reunion was cancelled. i’m so upset that this happened and so angry at myself for not telling her right away. aita for not telling my best friend that i was paralyzed? [/INST] nah but you're going to need to give her some time to come to terms with everything. you lied to her for years. not in a yta way, but she's still going to need time to process. </s>
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AITA for saying my boyfriend should pay for more?
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now, to start this off i’m not a “money grubbing bitch” or any of the above. my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years and have a 2 year old. we split every bill down the exact middle. every thing from rent, utilities, to groceries and have separate accounts. i don’t expect anything other than being fair.
he got mad at me for asking him to split the cost of our sons daycare saying he could offer $40 to a $160 payment. i, especially when it’s comes to our son, expect to split things in half so i was frustrated.
before i get to the argument i want to say that he makes $7 more an hour than i do. his weekly checks are $50ish short of my biweekly checks, give or take, but i also dive into my works benefits so my checks are smaller.
we got into an argument about money because i live paycheck to paycheck while he’s able to save thousands to set aside and blows his money. i never treat myself and sometimes it’s exhausting to see him flaunting whatever while i save up. i don’t complain because i signed up to be a parent and i have to make sacrifices.
he asked for a solution and i offhandly said that i think whoever makes more money should have to pay more for bills. he’s been pissed for months since. it’s a never ending fight and i’m over it. when we first got together i made $2 more an hour and paid for everything and bought him things before we had responsibilities.
i never said he had to. i gave an opinion and he’s upset i “still haven’t apologized” but i’m standing my ground. and too be fair he has let me borrow money countless times and i’m still paying him back. i don’t feel like i’m wrong, but his argument is very adamant about how i “expect him to be fucked over” in the end.
so reddit, am i the asshole?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cretxo/aita_for_saying_my_boyfriend_should_pay_for_more/
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2019-08-17 00:15:40
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nta he should pay for his damn kid. you should put most of your income into one pot and budget it together, including spending and saving money, while saving the income that doesn’t go in on the side. you guys should be a team, you have a kid together, and the 50/50 all the time thing is dumb as shit, tell your boyfriend that
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nta
its extremely common for couples to split bills proportionately. that is, add both incomes, figure out percentage of contribution, split bills according. so if i earn 60% of our total income, i pay 60% of the bills.
this guy is earning more, saving more, spending more and contributing less. it's not even remotely fair, however you split it. how is this a partnership? get counseling.
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nta you weren’t demanding your boyfriend to pay more, you were just suggesting it. he overreacted to your suggestion.
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nta. he sounds very juvenile if he characterizes his responsibilities to you and your child as 'fucking him over'.
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nta
everything for your son *should* be 50/50. and you are supposed to be partners, so he shouldn't be flaunting it and making you feel bad about money. that's pretty shitty.
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if you were to go to the court ordered support system in my state, he would be forced to pay more. not sure where you are or how your area works. i think he ought to be grateful that you only ask for half. nta.
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nta
if it's his child, it's perfectly reasonable that you should both split the costs, honestly he should probably pay a little more if he's making more. relationships and parenting are supposed to be about working together.
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nta. your relationship honestly sounds more like roommates than life partners.
if you broke up, the government would probably force him to pay more. it’s concerning that he’s not even willing to put forth that minimum effort for his own child and supposed love of his life.
do you know where these thoughts—and his belief that he’s getting fucked over—are coming from? because it sounds like a selfish redpill/mgtow mentality, which is absolutely not the right mentality for raising a child.
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nta - i'd say he's unfit to be a father.
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nta only because he doesn't spend the same on child care (which i don't get?) if that's both of your child, and you agreed to 50/50, i don't see why you both don't pay 50/50?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: now, to start this off i’m not a “money grubbing bitch” or any of the above. my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years and have a 2 year old. we split every bill down the exact middle. every thing from rent, utilities, to groceries and have separate accounts. i don’t expect anything other than being fair. he got mad at me for asking him to split the cost of our sons daycare saying he could offer $40 to a $160 payment. i, especially when it’s comes to our son, expect to split things in half so i was frustrated. before i get to the argument i want to say that he makes $7 more an hour than i do. his weekly checks are $50ish short of my biweekly checks, give or take, but i also dive into my works benefits so my checks are smaller. we got into an argument about money because i live paycheck to paycheck while he’s able to save thousands to set aside and blows his money. i never treat myself and sometimes it’s exhausting to see him flaunting whatever while i save up. i don’t complain because i signed up to be a parent and i have to make sacrifices. he asked for a solution and i offhandly said that i think whoever makes more money should have to pay more for bills. he’s been pissed for months since. it’s a never ending fight and i’m over it. when we first got together i made $2 more an hour and paid for everything and bought him things before we had responsibilities. i never said he had to. i gave an opinion and he’s upset i “still haven’t apologized” but i’m standing my ground. and too be fair he has let me borrow money countless times and i’m still paying him back. i don’t feel like i’m wrong, but his argument is very adamant about how i “expect him to be fucked over” in the end. so reddit, am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
now, to start this off i’m not a “money grubbing bitch” or any of the above. my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years and have a 2 year old. we split every bill down the exact middle. every thing from rent, utilities, to groceries and have separate accounts. i don’t expect anything other than being fair. he got mad at me for asking him to split the cost of our sons daycare saying he could offer $40 to a $160 payment. i, especially when it’s comes to our son, expect to split things in half so i was frustrated. before i get to the argument i want to say that he makes $7 more an hour than i do. his weekly checks are $50ish short of my biweekly checks, give or take, but i also dive into my works benefits so my checks are smaller. we got into an argument about money because i live paycheck to paycheck while he’s able to save thousands to set aside and blows his money. i never treat myself and sometimes it’s exhausting to see him flaunting whatever while i save up. i don’t complain because i signed up to be a parent and i have to make sacrifices. he asked for a solution and i offhandly said that i think whoever makes more money should have to pay more for bills. he’s been pissed for months since. it’s a never ending fight and i’m over it. when we first got together i made $2 more an hour and paid for everything and bought him things before we had responsibilities. i never said he had to. i gave an opinion and he’s upset i “still haven’t apologized” but i’m standing my ground. and too be fair he has let me borrow money countless times and i’m still paying him back. i don’t feel like i’m wrong, but his argument is very adamant about how i “expect him to be fucked over” in the end. so reddit, am i the asshole? [/INST] nta he should pay for his damn kid. you should put most of your income into one pot and budget it together, including spending and saving money, while saving the income that doesn’t go in on the side. you guys should be a team, you have a kid together, and the 50/50 all the time thing is dumb as shit, tell your boyfriend that </s>
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WIBTA if I evicted renters with 3 kids?
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i inherited a home (sort of) and moved my family there because it's larger. the original plan was to sell our old house, pay off debts, fix things in our new home, start a savings account, put money away for my sons college, etc.
however, hubs coworker heard and his family was interested. they came and looked, liked the place, etc. they said their living arrangements weren't good right then and they really wanted to move in the day after we moved out. they asked if they could rent it till they acquired a mortgage. we said sure because we'd still be selling it for a large lump sum, and we wouldn't have to worry about bills on the house till we sold it, plus get some cash while waiting.
we agreed that they had 6 months time to get a mortgage. that would be till this coming march. now they are saying they can't get a mortgage. they're credit isn't good and no one will co-sign. they are great tenants, nice people, but i need that large lump sum. if i didn't need the money i would have simply rented it out as that'd make more money in the long run. but our new house needs the foundation fixed, we need all new windows, the bathrooms are not functional, etc. so tens of thousands of dollars. we are poor. we have debt. we're not going out to eat and crap like that. we can't afford that.
they want to rent until the house is paid off (10 or so years). we can't afford that. i'm trying to think of other solutions, but i can't think of anything realistic. the guy across the street from the house, the day before we moved was asking about buying the house. i'm assuming in attempt to rent it out as his house was nicer than ours.. at least the landscape was a lot prettier. (they had a garden and won yard competitions, while we attempted to keep the weeds low and that's it). my point is i know i can get the house sold.
i feel like an a-hole though because they have three daughters. of course i'll give them to march still, maybe even a couple months longer while i make sure i have a buyer. but once i have a buyer they will have to go and i don't want to cause 3 kids to be homeless if they can't find a place.
so wibta if i kicked them out? i feel like one.
tldr: wibta if i kicked out tenants with 3 kids in a few months because they agreed to get a mortgage and buy the house, but now they're saying they can't get one.
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/knfk0q/wibta_if_i_evicted_renters_with_3_kids/
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2020-12-31 01:16:02
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nta
> they want to rent until the house is paid off (10 or so years).
lol those are some balls.
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nah. this is the deal with renting. if the owners sells, you are out. they can't buy, so gotta go.
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if you sold it to the guy across the road if he's interested in renting would he be willing to keep your tenants maybe (be their new landlord)?
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have you considered selling the home with them in place? i can see how a buyer would like the appeal of renters who planned on staying out for a long time.
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nah.... just sell it as a rental property — it comes with good tenants! that could be a good selling point!
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nta. you agreed to rent it for 6 months and for them to get a mortgage. since the stipulations are solid. onus is on them to figure out their situation. you gave them time and being accommodating to them!!
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nah
i understand your tenant's perspective but always look out for your family first. don't starve yourself and your family to feed another. you have debts to pay and this isn't your typical heartless landlord move.
sell and have that financial freedom.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NAH
| null | null |
NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| null | null | null | 0.022045 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i inherited a home (sort of) and moved my family there because it's larger. the original plan was to sell our old house, pay off debts, fix things in our new home, start a savings account, put money away for my sons college, etc. however, hubs coworker heard and his family was interested. they came and looked, liked the place, etc. they said their living arrangements weren't good right then and they really wanted to move in the day after we moved out. they asked if they could rent it till they acquired a mortgage. we said sure because we'd still be selling it for a large lump sum, and we wouldn't have to worry about bills on the house till we sold it, plus get some cash while waiting. we agreed that they had 6 months time to get a mortgage. that would be till this coming march. now they are saying they can't get a mortgage. they're credit isn't good and no one will co-sign. they are great tenants, nice people, but i need that large lump sum. if i didn't need the money i would have simply rented it out as that'd make more money in the long run. but our new house needs the foundation fixed, we need all new windows, the bathrooms are not functional, etc. so tens of thousands of dollars. we are poor. we have debt. we're not going out to eat and crap like that. we can't afford that. they want to rent until the house is paid off (10 or so years). we can't afford that. i'm trying to think of other solutions, but i can't think of anything realistic. the guy across the street from the house, the day before we moved was asking about buying the house. i'm assuming in attempt to rent it out as his house was nicer than ours.. at least the landscape was a lot prettier. (they had a garden and won yard competitions, while we attempted to keep the weeds low and that's it). my point is i know i can get the house sold. i feel like an a-hole though because they have three daughters. of course i'll give them to march still, maybe even a couple months longer while i make sure i have a buyer. but once i have a buyer they will have to go and i don't want to cause 3 kids to be homeless if they can't find a place. so wibta if i kicked them out? i feel like one. tldr: wibta if i kicked out tenants with 3 kids in a few months because they agreed to get a mortgage and buy the house, but now they're saying they can't get one.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i inherited a home (sort of) and moved my family there because it's larger. the original plan was to sell our old house, pay off debts, fix things in our new home, start a savings account, put money away for my sons college, etc. however, hubs coworker heard and his family was interested. they came and looked, liked the place, etc. they said their living arrangements weren't good right then and they really wanted to move in the day after we moved out. they asked if they could rent it till they acquired a mortgage. we said sure because we'd still be selling it for a large lump sum, and we wouldn't have to worry about bills on the house till we sold it, plus get some cash while waiting. we agreed that they had 6 months time to get a mortgage. that would be till this coming march. now they are saying they can't get a mortgage. they're credit isn't good and no one will co-sign. they are great tenants, nice people, but i need that large lump sum. if i didn't need the money i would have simply rented it out as that'd make more money in the long run. but our new house needs the foundation fixed, we need all new windows, the bathrooms are not functional, etc. so tens of thousands of dollars. we are poor. we have debt. we're not going out to eat and crap like that. we can't afford that. they want to rent until the house is paid off (10 or so years). we can't afford that. i'm trying to think of other solutions, but i can't think of anything realistic. the guy across the street from the house, the day before we moved was asking about buying the house. i'm assuming in attempt to rent it out as his house was nicer than ours.. at least the landscape was a lot prettier. (they had a garden and won yard competitions, while we attempted to keep the weeds low and that's it). my point is i know i can get the house sold. i feel like an a-hole though because they have three daughters. of course i'll give them to march still, maybe even a couple months longer while i make sure i have a buyer. but once i have a buyer they will have to go and i don't want to cause 3 kids to be homeless if they can't find a place. so wibta if i kicked them out? i feel like one. tldr: wibta if i kicked out tenants with 3 kids in a few months because they agreed to get a mortgage and buy the house, but now they're saying they can't get one. [/INST] nta > they want to rent until the house is paid off (10 or so years). lol those are some balls. </s>
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WIBTA Roommate's vibrator left in our shared shower
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would i be the asshole for telling my roommate to be more discreet with her vibrator. two days ago i woke up to her telling me she just had the best shower then i go to use the bathroom later and her vibrator is just sitting on the floor of the bottom of the shower. i was a little grossed out but i was like okay maybe she forgot and then just waited for her to notice and it was still there this morning. i refused to take a shower those two days till she moves it, like i don't wanna touch that thing. but she just got out of the shower just now and i went to check and its still there just in a different spot! now it's on the soap bar thing. like i know everyone masterbates and good for her i don't care but at least have some decency to not put your vibrator where i usually put my soap bar? is it just me or is that gross? i don't know where to go from here, she's my friend but we don't talk about this stuff and i don't wanna seem like a dick.
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e80cz0/wibta_roommates_vibrator_left_in_our_shared_shower/
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2019-12-08 22:10:37
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esh.
yeah she shouldn't have left it there but be an adult and speak to her about it instead of being a martyr and refusing to take a shower until she moves something that you haven't asked her to move.
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hahahahaha
just in case this is real, nah. is she into you? can't figure out why she would tell you she had 'the best shower' and leave it there to be seen. it strikes me that she wants you to know she's into sex. i think just not showing for days is a bit goofy when you can just ask her not to leave her toy out. it's honestly not that big of a deal.
chances are she washes it off while she's in the shower, so it shouldn't be that gross tbh.
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nta-
just tell her to put it in a more discreet place. i could sort of see leaving it the first time on accident, but after that- it’s not. she absolutely knows it’s in the shower and is choosing to leave it there.
i would suggest sitting down at a neutral time when neither of you are getting ready to shower and have time to discuss some ground rules for living together. communal spaces are for communal items. bedrooms are for personal/private items. sometimes, yes there is overlap, but certainly not with a vibrator or sex toy.
your roommates behavior is bewildering and i’m sorry.
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ok so....are you sure it's a vibrator? i have a vibrating face cleaning thing (foreo) i keep in the shower. nta btw
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nta thats weird
| null | null | null | null | null |
ESH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.093295 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: would i be the asshole for telling my roommate to be more discreet with her vibrator. two days ago i woke up to her telling me she just had the best shower then i go to use the bathroom later and her vibrator is just sitting on the floor of the bottom of the shower. i was a little grossed out but i was like okay maybe she forgot and then just waited for her to notice and it was still there this morning. i refused to take a shower those two days till she moves it, like i don't wanna touch that thing. but she just got out of the shower just now and i went to check and its still there just in a different spot! now it's on the soap bar thing. like i know everyone masterbates and good for her i don't care but at least have some decency to not put your vibrator where i usually put my soap bar? is it just me or is that gross? i don't know where to go from here, she's my friend but we don't talk about this stuff and i don't wanna seem like a dick.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
would i be the asshole for telling my roommate to be more discreet with her vibrator. two days ago i woke up to her telling me she just had the best shower then i go to use the bathroom later and her vibrator is just sitting on the floor of the bottom of the shower. i was a little grossed out but i was like okay maybe she forgot and then just waited for her to notice and it was still there this morning. i refused to take a shower those two days till she moves it, like i don't wanna touch that thing. but she just got out of the shower just now and i went to check and its still there just in a different spot! now it's on the soap bar thing. like i know everyone masterbates and good for her i don't care but at least have some decency to not put your vibrator where i usually put my soap bar? is it just me or is that gross? i don't know where to go from here, she's my friend but we don't talk about this stuff and i don't wanna seem like a dick. [/INST] esh. yeah she shouldn't have left it there but be an adult and speak to her about it instead of being a martyr and refusing to take a shower until she moves something that you haven't asked her to move. </s>
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AITA for taking time for myself against the wish of my girlfriend?
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my girlfriend has depression and the last weeks have been pretty stressful. she is very anxious about being alone. up to panic attacks at some time. the last two weeks we have done many things together and i feel really exhausted and needed a time for myself. i said that, which she already knew is an issue. and i took my time.
she now accuses me of egoistic behavior, that i don't think about her feelings (she feels really bad and full of fear) and just about me.
i feel like this is a necessity but are also full of self doubt.
aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j68dt0/aita_for_taking_time_for_myself_against_the_wish/
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2020-10-06 16:38:10
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nta - self care is also important. you can't be the best bf you can be if you're worn down to nothing.
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nta you can't pour out of an empty cup and it sounds like your cup is drained. you have to take some time for yourself. if she can't be alone, she needs to find some friends to hang out with.
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nta
your own mental health is just as important as your girlfriend's. the fact that she's having a harder time than you doesn't invalidate your own needs, and she can't expect you to put your own self-care on perpetual hold until you're suffering just as much as she is.
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nta - caring is tough, especially for someone with a mental health condition.
that said, it's also tough for her and will be hard for her to see your point of view if she is anxious and afraid.
take time for yourself and don't burn out bud.
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nta.
you need time alone for your mental health. she needs to be around others most of the time. this is not a long term, workable situation.
however, it might be a good plan to let her know in advance when you will be taking time for yourself. that way, she can make plans to either see someone else in person, if that is safe to do, or skype or zoom with someone while you are gone.
long term, you cannot be her only support person. she needs to find a therapist or some other friends to help her out. you cannot solve her problems for her. she needs to be working on a solution for the problem, not just a stopgap.
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nta you have the right to take a rest day just like she has the right to take a day for her mental health. don’t enable her or be a co dependent
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nta.
she needs to realize that you need some time alone to decompress. she's being selfish.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend has depression and the last weeks have been pretty stressful. she is very anxious about being alone. up to panic attacks at some time. the last two weeks we have done many things together and i feel really exhausted and needed a time for myself. i said that, which she already knew is an issue. and i took my time. she now accuses me of egoistic behavior, that i don't think about her feelings (she feels really bad and full of fear) and just about me. i feel like this is a necessity but are also full of self doubt. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend has depression and the last weeks have been pretty stressful. she is very anxious about being alone. up to panic attacks at some time. the last two weeks we have done many things together and i feel really exhausted and needed a time for myself. i said that, which she already knew is an issue. and i took my time. she now accuses me of egoistic behavior, that i don't think about her feelings (she feels really bad and full of fear) and just about me. i feel like this is a necessity but are also full of self doubt. aita? [/INST] nta - self care is also important. you can't be the best bf you can be if you're worn down to nothing. </s>
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AITA For Staying Out Late? MIL Called Me A Bad Mother
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a little backstory, my family (husband 30, me 26, kids 2&3) lost our home in a fire 3 months ago, and are living with my in-laws.
a few nights ago, my husband and i were at a party with close friends. when it got to be around 130am, my husband decided to go home, but said i could stay and come home later. as i haven't been able to work for health reasons, and everyone else in the household is working, i had not left the house in almost 2 months. we decided that as a couple, and he said it was fine i stayed out.
my friend and i lost track of time watching movies, and i realized it was almost 6am. i rushed home immediately when i realized. i've never stayed out that long, but after months of no human contact besides two toddlers and my inlaws...i messed up.
when i got home i went to poke my head into my kids room to check on them before getting getting an hour or two of sleep before they woke up.
when i came out of the room, my mother and law came up to me and in a very upset tone, told me that my 2 year old had woken up at 4am screaming (which hasn't happened before ever so how could i have known?) and that she went looking for me to calm him down and i wasn't here. she literally said "he needed you and you weren't here!"
my response was to say "his father was here, you could have gotten him, he knew i was staying out." and her response to that was to tell me that every other person in this house works right now and i don't, so i should be the one to deal with these things since i'll just be home with the two of them all day. i agree i have more responsibility right now with them, but again, how was i to know this had happened? i also mentioned that i'm not out of work by choice right now and she just kept saying "i know this is a difficult time, but this is ridiculous!"
she came at me 3 more times that morning with the same energy, once in front of my husband who said nothing then.
aita for going out, when it was so late? or for not being there for my kids?
*edit for clarity*
will be getting a baby monitor! great idea!
mil is the one insisting we live here. she is almost too obsessed with the kids and doesn't really let us parent them while living here or let us have a say. we try to be in charge of them but it's tough bc its her house and fil says "grandma's house grandma's rules" so it feels like a fine line here to walk
we do pay towards utilities, and feed ourselves. we don't even have a car (bc fire), we borrow my parents so hubby can work.
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pa0uwq/aita_for_staying_out_late_mil_called_me_a_bad/
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2021-08-23 14:23:57
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nta
you went out for the first time in 2 months and lost track of time - watching movies, not bar hopping!
your husband should have taken care of the toddler when/if he woke up.
i'm more concerned that your husband didn't defend you when his mother went after you in front of him.
i hope your house is repaired soon!
hugs
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nta, you're right that this is between you and your husband and he was fine with it. he should have stood up for you rather than staying silent and letting your mil come at you.
you say you messed up, how? it was discussed and agreed that you could stay out later, i don't see how you did anything wrong. eventually in a kid's life there are going to be nights when you're not around, you can't possibly be there 24/7 waiting for a disaster. and it's not like they were abandoned, your husband was there.
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nta.
this was an agreement between you and your spouse. none of mil's business.
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nah, except probably your husband.
you can certainly go out for the evening.
but your mother in law didn't call you a bad mother like your title says. she seems to be communicating that she shouldn't be the one to get up with your screaming kids at 4am. and she is right. especially since she's doing you two big favors - letting you all live there and babysitting the kids so you can both go out. so she gets some slack here for being tired and grumpy.
you can stay out all night but your husband better be right on it is a kid fusses, and you need to make it clear to your babysitters nobody is coming home until 2am.
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from the comments…yeah. yta. well,
your husband is but i would say you kind of are too. you say that you guys sleep in the basement and don’t have a baby monitor. so the kids woke up your mil and your husband didn’t take care them.
you do deserve a day off, but not at your in laws expense. husband needed to step up here and it sounds like he failed.
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esh, but very softly. no one wants to wake up at 4am to a screaming child, especially if they arent your kid. i understand why the mother in law could be annoyed the next morning, especially if they had work in the morning.
however, i understand you wanted to have more human interaction after quarantine, the fire, and whatever issue is keeping you from working, it was probably a good relief. i also understand how annoying someone can be after 1-2 hours of sleep.
i think your kids are your responsibility, but your mil should try and be more understanding.
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info.
did your husband not take care of your toddler? in a comment you said that your children sleep upstairs and you sleep in the basement but you don't have a baby monitor, are the children waking up constantly and you and your husband are not taking care of it?
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nta. part of being a parent is giving your parent an ‘off night’ you had an extra 4 hours to catch up with a friend and still got up in time to check on your kids. your husband consented it was fine.
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esh... you live in your in-laws house. they all work, coming home at 6 am is disrespectful even if your husband is ok with that.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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ESH
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INFO
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NTA
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ESH
| null | 0.390935 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a little backstory, my family (husband 30, me 26, kids 2&3) lost our home in a fire 3 months ago, and are living with my in-laws. a few nights ago, my husband and i were at a party with close friends. when it got to be around 130am, my husband decided to go home, but said i could stay and come home later. as i haven't been able to work for health reasons, and everyone else in the household is working, i had not left the house in almost 2 months. we decided that as a couple, and he said it was fine i stayed out. my friend and i lost track of time watching movies, and i realized it was almost 6am. i rushed home immediately when i realized. i've never stayed out that long, but after months of no human contact besides two toddlers and my inlaws...i messed up. when i got home i went to poke my head into my kids room to check on them before getting getting an hour or two of sleep before they woke up. when i came out of the room, my mother and law came up to me and in a very upset tone, told me that my 2 year old had woken up at 4am screaming (which hasn't happened before ever so how could i have known?) and that she went looking for me to calm him down and i wasn't here. she literally said "he needed you and you weren't here!" my response was to say "his father was here, you could have gotten him, he knew i was staying out." and her response to that was to tell me that every other person in this house works right now and i don't, so i should be the one to deal with these things since i'll just be home with the two of them all day. i agree i have more responsibility right now with them, but again, how was i to know this had happened? i also mentioned that i'm not out of work by choice right now and she just kept saying "i know this is a difficult time, but this is ridiculous!" she came at me 3 more times that morning with the same energy, once in front of my husband who said nothing then. aita for going out, when it was so late? or for not being there for my kids? *edit for clarity* will be getting a baby monitor! great idea! mil is the one insisting we live here. she is almost too obsessed with the kids and doesn't really let us parent them while living here or let us have a say. we try to be in charge of them but it's tough bc its her house and fil says "grandma's house grandma's rules" so it feels like a fine line here to walk we do pay towards utilities, and feed ourselves. we don't even have a car (bc fire), we borrow my parents so hubby can work.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a little backstory, my family (husband 30, me 26, kids 2&3) lost our home in a fire 3 months ago, and are living with my in-laws. a few nights ago, my husband and i were at a party with close friends. when it got to be around 130am, my husband decided to go home, but said i could stay and come home later. as i haven't been able to work for health reasons, and everyone else in the household is working, i had not left the house in almost 2 months. we decided that as a couple, and he said it was fine i stayed out. my friend and i lost track of time watching movies, and i realized it was almost 6am. i rushed home immediately when i realized. i've never stayed out that long, but after months of no human contact besides two toddlers and my inlaws...i messed up. when i got home i went to poke my head into my kids room to check on them before getting getting an hour or two of sleep before they woke up. when i came out of the room, my mother and law came up to me and in a very upset tone, told me that my 2 year old had woken up at 4am screaming (which hasn't happened before ever so how could i have known?) and that she went looking for me to calm him down and i wasn't here. she literally said "he needed you and you weren't here!" my response was to say "his father was here, you could have gotten him, he knew i was staying out." and her response to that was to tell me that every other person in this house works right now and i don't, so i should be the one to deal with these things since i'll just be home with the two of them all day. i agree i have more responsibility right now with them, but again, how was i to know this had happened? i also mentioned that i'm not out of work by choice right now and she just kept saying "i know this is a difficult time, but this is ridiculous!" she came at me 3 more times that morning with the same energy, once in front of my husband who said nothing then. aita for going out, when it was so late? or for not being there for my kids? *edit for clarity* will be getting a baby monitor! great idea! mil is the one insisting we live here. she is almost too obsessed with the kids and doesn't really let us parent them while living here or let us have a say. we try to be in charge of them but it's tough bc its her house and fil says "grandma's house grandma's rules" so it feels like a fine line here to walk we do pay towards utilities, and feed ourselves. we don't even have a car (bc fire), we borrow my parents so hubby can work. [/INST] nta you went out for the first time in 2 months and lost track of time - watching movies, not bar hopping! your husband should have taken care of the toddler when/if he woke up. i'm more concerned that your husband didn't defend you when his mother went after you in front of him. i hope your house is repaired soon! hugs </s>
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AITA: for not wanting to name my baby after my gf’s dead mom?
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my gf and i are expecting. we’ve been together for around 2 years and this baby wasn’t exactly planned but it also isn’t unwelcome. i am super excited to be a dad and we have good jobs, live in a big enough house, and are old enough to be ready to make sacrifices that a baby brings.
we’ve talked about mutually wanting kids and have made mention of agreeing on some things like discipline and such but as far as details, there was nothing. so as far as names i had never heard her have any preference and i’ll be honest, i’ve never thought about it much myself.
when we told her family they were all overjoyed and immediately brought up how if it was a girl her named would be (for the sake of this post, this isn’t the real name) holly. after my gf’s mom who passed away in a car crash when my gf was 15. i brought up (alone with her, not everyone) that we really wouldn’t be naming the baby holly right? and she looked at me like i was crazy and said we “absolutely 100%” would be naming the baby holly if it’s a girl.
now the issue here is holly is my longterm exes name. we did not have a healthy relationship and in fact she for lack of a better term stalked me after our relationship was over causing crippling anxiety before i decided to attend therapy and get a restraining order. but let’s just say it was at the level where i had to move my home in the middle of the night so she wouldn’t know my address. the name only has absolute horrible memories for me and i do not want to name my child this. my friends & family also knows what terrible time i went through and i think they would be completely weirded out by me having a daughter named this.
my gf knew my story with my ex and knew that her mom and my ex shared the same name but she had never in the past brought up the idea that our future child would have to have the name. not once.
we just did the gender scan 2 days ago and of course, it’s a girl. i’m super excited about having a girl but i won’t lie if i wanted to throw up at the idea of having to approach this subject again with my gf.
so i really sat down with her and explained in detail how awful my relationship was with my ex. all the crazy she put me and everyone i knew through and how naming this baby her name is just not something i’m okay with. i said that i would be willing to name our daughter her mom’s middle name, shit, anything other then holly.
i was told that the baby is being made in her body and coming out her vagina and in the end i need to “get over my past” and realize this isn’t just about me but how her mom can’t experience this with her and how much the name means to her and her family.
i tried to gently point out that this baby was also 50% me and how is it fair to make me this uncomfortable with something to dealing with my child and that got a response of, “you need to grow up.” and then she started to cry.
so i guess am i the asshole here?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dza8vb/aita_for_not_wanting_to_name_my_baby_after_my_gfs/
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2019-11-20 23:30:08
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nta. i really feel for your girlfriend, but baby names are one of those things i think partners should have veto power on. i would say that even if it were a matter of just not liking the name instead of the very distressing reasons you have. everything involving pregnancy, delivery, and recovery is your girlfriend’s show— but the name doesn’t fall into this category.
i’m really sorry that her response to hearing about your abusive ex was to tell you to get over it. i hope that’s hormones talking, but it’s a pretty unacceptable thing to say. please don’t let anyone minimize what you went through. it was traumatic and you deserve ongoing support.
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if it was me, i wouldn't want to name my child after a stalker ex. what if that ex is so crazy, she found out the baby shares her name and takes that as a sign to start stalking again or attempt to do some crazy shit like take the child? i mean, crazy exes with stalker tendencies have gone that far before.
i don't think you're an asshole for not wanting that name. but neither is your girlfriend for wanting it.
you both have a history with that name, and it's not as easy as getting over it. you'll forever associate the name with uncomfortable emotions. maybe take parts of the name and merge it with your mothers name ? or use it as a middle name? either way, the two olf you need to sit down and discuss it together. try to see her perspective as well as explain your perspective so that she can see it from where you're standing.
this is definitely a nah situation.
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nta- i think the middle name is a good compromise. this is something you should decide together
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nta. she has the right to do anything she wants with her own body, but once the baby is born you have equal rights to every decision made regarding her. i *strongly* suggest couple's counseling asap to communicate about this hot-button issue effectively. if she continues to insist on naming her holly then tell her you will only ever refer to her by whatever middle name she has because you literally have ptsd-like reaction to the name holly and that's not a feeling you want to associate with your daughter.
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nta she isnt considering your feelings at all here
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nta. - ignoring your past trauma isn’t cool. i will admit i’m also a little weirded out by the fact she has to attach memories or closure of her mother’s life and death to a child
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nta. you both need to be in marriage counseling *yesterday*. her response to your feelings, and the argument that it's her child and you don't get a voice, is a major problem. this will only get worse, and is indicative serious issues in the relationship.
a compromise would be to give you daughter her grandmother's middle or maiden name, either as a first or middle name.
but names don't matter nearly as much as protecting each other's hearts. you should both be valuing the other's experience, and you should both be equal partners in this relationship and as parents.
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i’m going to say nah, but it’s very very close to n.t.a. your girlfriend has a really emotional reason for wanting that name, and is pregnant (which messes with emotions), so i’m cutting her some slack. but, to be clear, her telling you to grow up and get over your past is really trivializing your experience and i don’t think that’s fair. you also have a very emotional reason to not want the name, and god forbid that stalker ever found out.
i think it’s reasonable to want to name the baby something that honors her mom without using the exact name. middle name, name with the same meaning, using the same initials, etc. maybe (if you’d be cool with these options) giving the name and using a different nickname or flipping the mom’s names (abigail holly instead of holly abigail). you could also name her after her mom’s mom or something like that, where you’re honoring the mom’s side without the exact name. there are a lot of ways to honor someone, but the connotations for you are what they are. it is your kid, too. as long as you’re not being a jerk in how you’re arguing, you’re not ta just for not wanting to name her holly.
tough situation, but i hope you’re able to come to an agreement.
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nta.
your gf is being completely unreasonable.
i am so sick of seeing posts where the woman is going “i’m the mother my word is final”. no. just no.
the only time that is even remotely acceptable is when its decisions regarding her own body, ie during pregnancy and childbirth. want an abortion? woman’s choice. want no one in the delivery? woman’s choice. want pre natal testing? woman’s choice.
once that baby is born it is a person with its own rights and two parents who share equal custody.
you absolutely should have a say in what your child is called. when you register the birth you can tell the registrar you do not want this name. you both have to sign.
i say this as a pregnant woman, pregnant with twins. there is no way i would push a name my oh hated. no way.
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nta i was going to go with no assholes here until the part where she thinks she gets to unilaterally decide on the name because she is the one carrying the baby and then tells you to get over your trauma. 'the heck?
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my gf and i are expecting. we’ve been together for around 2 years and this baby wasn’t exactly planned but it also isn’t unwelcome. i am super excited to be a dad and we have good jobs, live in a big enough house, and are old enough to be ready to make sacrifices that a baby brings. we’ve talked about mutually wanting kids and have made mention of agreeing on some things like discipline and such but as far as details, there was nothing. so as far as names i had never heard her have any preference and i’ll be honest, i’ve never thought about it much myself. when we told her family they were all overjoyed and immediately brought up how if it was a girl her named would be (for the sake of this post, this isn’t the real name) holly. after my gf’s mom who passed away in a car crash when my gf was 15. i brought up (alone with her, not everyone) that we really wouldn’t be naming the baby holly right? and she looked at me like i was crazy and said we “absolutely 100%” would be naming the baby holly if it’s a girl. now the issue here is holly is my longterm exes name. we did not have a healthy relationship and in fact she for lack of a better term stalked me after our relationship was over causing crippling anxiety before i decided to attend therapy and get a restraining order. but let’s just say it was at the level where i had to move my home in the middle of the night so she wouldn’t know my address. the name only has absolute horrible memories for me and i do not want to name my child this. my friends & family also knows what terrible time i went through and i think they would be completely weirded out by me having a daughter named this. my gf knew my story with my ex and knew that her mom and my ex shared the same name but she had never in the past brought up the idea that our future child would have to have the name. not once. we just did the gender scan 2 days ago and of course, it’s a girl. i’m super excited about having a girl but i won’t lie if i wanted to throw up at the idea of having to approach this subject again with my gf. so i really sat down with her and explained in detail how awful my relationship was with my ex. all the crazy she put me and everyone i knew through and how naming this baby her name is just not something i’m okay with. i said that i would be willing to name our daughter her mom’s middle name, shit, anything other then holly. i was told that the baby is being made in her body and coming out her vagina and in the end i need to “get over my past” and realize this isn’t just about me but how her mom can’t experience this with her and how much the name means to her and her family. i tried to gently point out that this baby was also 50% me and how is it fair to make me this uncomfortable with something to dealing with my child and that got a response of, “you need to grow up.” and then she started to cry. so i guess am i the asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my gf and i are expecting. we’ve been together for around 2 years and this baby wasn’t exactly planned but it also isn’t unwelcome. i am super excited to be a dad and we have good jobs, live in a big enough house, and are old enough to be ready to make sacrifices that a baby brings. we’ve talked about mutually wanting kids and have made mention of agreeing on some things like discipline and such but as far as details, there was nothing. so as far as names i had never heard her have any preference and i’ll be honest, i’ve never thought about it much myself. when we told her family they were all overjoyed and immediately brought up how if it was a girl her named would be (for the sake of this post, this isn’t the real name) holly. after my gf’s mom who passed away in a car crash when my gf was 15. i brought up (alone with her, not everyone) that we really wouldn’t be naming the baby holly right? and she looked at me like i was crazy and said we “absolutely 100%” would be naming the baby holly if it’s a girl. now the issue here is holly is my longterm exes name. we did not have a healthy relationship and in fact she for lack of a better term stalked me after our relationship was over causing crippling anxiety before i decided to attend therapy and get a restraining order. but let’s just say it was at the level where i had to move my home in the middle of the night so she wouldn’t know my address. the name only has absolute horrible memories for me and i do not want to name my child this. my friends & family also knows what terrible time i went through and i think they would be completely weirded out by me having a daughter named this. my gf knew my story with my ex and knew that her mom and my ex shared the same name but she had never in the past brought up the idea that our future child would have to have the name. not once. we just did the gender scan 2 days ago and of course, it’s a girl. i’m super excited about having a girl but i won’t lie if i wanted to throw up at the idea of having to approach this subject again with my gf. so i really sat down with her and explained in detail how awful my relationship was with my ex. all the crazy she put me and everyone i knew through and how naming this baby her name is just not something i’m okay with. i said that i would be willing to name our daughter her mom’s middle name, shit, anything other then holly. i was told that the baby is being made in her body and coming out her vagina and in the end i need to “get over my past” and realize this isn’t just about me but how her mom can’t experience this with her and how much the name means to her and her family. i tried to gently point out that this baby was also 50% me and how is it fair to make me this uncomfortable with something to dealing with my child and that got a response of, “you need to grow up.” and then she started to cry. so i guess am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta. i really feel for your girlfriend, but baby names are one of those things i think partners should have veto power on. i would say that even if it were a matter of just not liking the name instead of the very distressing reasons you have. everything involving pregnancy, delivery, and recovery is your girlfriend’s show— but the name doesn’t fall into this category. i’m really sorry that her response to hearing about your abusive ex was to tell you to get over it. i hope that’s hormones talking, but it’s a pretty unacceptable thing to say. please don’t let anyone minimize what you went through. it was traumatic and you deserve ongoing support. </s>
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AITA for not wanting a good friend of mine at my wedding ?
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i am getting married to my long term boyfriend coming december/january if covid situation stabilises. we both don't want a flashy wedding or stuff like that, so we are opting for a registered marriage, with just our parents present as witnesses. we are going to have a reception where we have invited all out close friends and extended family in which the said friend is obviously included.
now comes the weird part, i have a friend who i've known since we were in school (10 years or so). when i told him that i was getting married he was very happy and congratulated me,, but when i told him that we both opted for a registered marriage he went off. he was all like how tf can you do this to me and stuff like that. i explained to him that we are having a reception afterwards and he is invited to that.
he then says, if i can't come at your wedding your husband won't be there either. i was speechless at this, and asked him what he meant and he said something along the lines of "i'll keep him shut in hotel room or something"
this pissed me off and i told him that it is my wedding day and the choices and feelings that should be given priority are of me and my husband to be. i told him that he was being incredibly insensitive to my feelings and that this was not appreciated. he went off and told me that i was a a-hole and that god won't forgive me for this
now that i've had time to cool off, i feel like i may if overreacted.
so aita ?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ha4hq9/aita_for_not_wanting_a_good_friend_of_mine_at_my/
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2020-06-16 13:57:17
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nta. friend sounds a little creepy. your wedding is your choice and if this is his attitude maybe he needs to not be at the reception either. and the god will get you thing? rethink this friendship
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he's going to steal your fiancee and hide him??? wow that is acting like an adult. have you spoken to your fiancee about this conversation???
nta
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nta. not sure why this guy thinks he has any say in how you plan your wedding. it's pretty weird.
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nta. he said he was gonna ruin your wedding. also what is a registered wedding?
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nta
you need to get a new friend. jesus.
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nta - he literally threatened to ruin your wedding.
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um........and this is a friend? univite from everything and state that his behaviour was deeply concerning. you no longer want someone around your day that is willing to threaten the events. block and walk away . nta
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nta and your friend is a creep
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am getting married to my long term boyfriend coming december/january if covid situation stabilises. we both don't want a flashy wedding or stuff like that, so we are opting for a registered marriage, with just our parents present as witnesses. we are going to have a reception where we have invited all out close friends and extended family in which the said friend is obviously included. now comes the weird part, i have a friend who i've known since we were in school (10 years or so). when i told him that i was getting married he was very happy and congratulated me,, but when i told him that we both opted for a registered marriage he went off. he was all like how tf can you do this to me and stuff like that. i explained to him that we are having a reception afterwards and he is invited to that. he then says, if i can't come at your wedding your husband won't be there either. i was speechless at this, and asked him what he meant and he said something along the lines of "i'll keep him shut in hotel room or something" this pissed me off and i told him that it is my wedding day and the choices and feelings that should be given priority are of me and my husband to be. i told him that he was being incredibly insensitive to my feelings and that this was not appreciated. he went off and told me that i was a a-hole and that god won't forgive me for this now that i've had time to cool off, i feel like i may if overreacted. so aita ?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am getting married to my long term boyfriend coming december/january if covid situation stabilises. we both don't want a flashy wedding or stuff like that, so we are opting for a registered marriage, with just our parents present as witnesses. we are going to have a reception where we have invited all out close friends and extended family in which the said friend is obviously included. now comes the weird part, i have a friend who i've known since we were in school (10 years or so). when i told him that i was getting married he was very happy and congratulated me,, but when i told him that we both opted for a registered marriage he went off. he was all like how tf can you do this to me and stuff like that. i explained to him that we are having a reception afterwards and he is invited to that. he then says, if i can't come at your wedding your husband won't be there either. i was speechless at this, and asked him what he meant and he said something along the lines of "i'll keep him shut in hotel room or something" this pissed me off and i told him that it is my wedding day and the choices and feelings that should be given priority are of me and my husband to be. i told him that he was being incredibly insensitive to my feelings and that this was not appreciated. he went off and told me that i was a a-hole and that god won't forgive me for this now that i've had time to cool off, i feel like i may if overreacted. so aita ? [/INST] nta. friend sounds a little creepy. your wedding is your choice and if this is his attitude maybe he needs to not be at the reception either. and the god will get you thing? rethink this friendship </s>
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WIBTA if I asked my fiancé to skip his family Christmas every other year?
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my fiancé (38 m) and i (31 f) have been together for about five years now. my parents are dead or not in my life so i always spend christmas with his family. they are fine people overall but over the years i’ve started to find it overwhelming. between occasional family drama, everything being a production, and myself generally being an introvert, i’m starting to find it more overwhelming as the years pass.
a couple of years, we have done our own thing. either staying home and celebrating by ourselves in the city, or taking a trip. his parents were upset but honestly, if my parents were alive, we would probably be trading back-and-forth so i really don’t get what the big deal is. tbh these were the best christmases we’ve had yet – – no screaming kids, no having to cook, no carefully orchestrated activities, just us spending time together and having a little holiday romance. it was blissful.
i would like to make it a semi annual tradition, at least until we have our own children. every other christmas, i’d like to take a nice trip just the two of us. we will continue to buy presents for family members, particularly nieces and nephews, and go to the christmas next year. but i would like to make it not an every year thing so i can start to occasionally look forward to the holidays again.
my fiancé vacillates back-and-forth on this idea and i’m wondering how hard i should put my foot down about it. wibta if i was kind of firm about it? for what it’s worth, we spend numerous holidays with them a year because they live pretty close!
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/efk51w/wibta_if_i_asked_my_fiancé_to_skip_his_family/
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2019-12-25 18:49:29
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info: depends on whether or not you are willing to accept no as an answer. you're not the asshole for asking him for this. but can you accept it if he says no? because holidays are generally time to visit family. and while i may think that your planned activity is fine. that activity can be done any time of the year. doesn't have to be christmas. visiting family can be done year round as well but people group up during holidays. you would be swapping each year like you said. but if you don't have family to visit. i would think most years he's going to want to see them.
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nah. it’s understandable that you want to spend the holiday home with your fiancé, but it’s also understandable that he’s want to spend it with his family. can you reach a compromise where you drop by for christmas and then go on a trip or go back home and burrow in just the two of you?
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>tbh these were the best christmases we’ve had yet – – no screaming kids, no having to cook, no carefully orchestrated activities, just us spending time together and having a little holiday romance. it was blissful.
info - does your fiancé agree with this statement?
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null |
INFO
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NAH
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INFO
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0.163682 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiancé (38 m) and i (31 f) have been together for about five years now. my parents are dead or not in my life so i always spend christmas with his family. they are fine people overall but over the years i’ve started to find it overwhelming. between occasional family drama, everything being a production, and myself generally being an introvert, i’m starting to find it more overwhelming as the years pass. a couple of years, we have done our own thing. either staying home and celebrating by ourselves in the city, or taking a trip. his parents were upset but honestly, if my parents were alive, we would probably be trading back-and-forth so i really don’t get what the big deal is. tbh these were the best christmases we’ve had yet – – no screaming kids, no having to cook, no carefully orchestrated activities, just us spending time together and having a little holiday romance. it was blissful. i would like to make it a semi annual tradition, at least until we have our own children. every other christmas, i’d like to take a nice trip just the two of us. we will continue to buy presents for family members, particularly nieces and nephews, and go to the christmas next year. but i would like to make it not an every year thing so i can start to occasionally look forward to the holidays again. my fiancé vacillates back-and-forth on this idea and i’m wondering how hard i should put my foot down about it. wibta if i was kind of firm about it? for what it’s worth, we spend numerous holidays with them a year because they live pretty close!
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my fiancé (38 m) and i (31 f) have been together for about five years now. my parents are dead or not in my life so i always spend christmas with his family. they are fine people overall but over the years i’ve started to find it overwhelming. between occasional family drama, everything being a production, and myself generally being an introvert, i’m starting to find it more overwhelming as the years pass. a couple of years, we have done our own thing. either staying home and celebrating by ourselves in the city, or taking a trip. his parents were upset but honestly, if my parents were alive, we would probably be trading back-and-forth so i really don’t get what the big deal is. tbh these were the best christmases we’ve had yet – – no screaming kids, no having to cook, no carefully orchestrated activities, just us spending time together and having a little holiday romance. it was blissful. i would like to make it a semi annual tradition, at least until we have our own children. every other christmas, i’d like to take a nice trip just the two of us. we will continue to buy presents for family members, particularly nieces and nephews, and go to the christmas next year. but i would like to make it not an every year thing so i can start to occasionally look forward to the holidays again. my fiancé vacillates back-and-forth on this idea and i’m wondering how hard i should put my foot down about it. wibta if i was kind of firm about it? for what it’s worth, we spend numerous holidays with them a year because they live pretty close! [/INST] info: depends on whether or not you are willing to accept no as an answer. you're not the asshole for asking him for this. but can you accept it if he says no? because holidays are generally time to visit family. and while i may think that your planned activity is fine. that activity can be done any time of the year. doesn't have to be christmas. visiting family can be done year round as well but people group up during holidays. you would be swapping each year like you said. but if you don't have family to visit. i would think most years he's going to want to see them. </s>
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AITA for not waking my husband up?
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i (36m) am a morning person. my husband (35m) isn't. on weekend i am naturally up around 6:30ish so i'll make my coffee and sit out on our porch and watch the sunrise. i love my tradition and it's some of the only alone time i get in a day as my husband is quite clingy.
don't get me wrong - i love him and i love spending time with him, but he likes to do everything with me. i don't have the same mentality, but am usually welcoming to him. not with my morning tradition though - it's my two hours of personal silence in a day.
this morning when my husband woke up around 8:30 and saw me outside on the porch he looked visibly upset. he's known i wake up before him for awhile and never seemed too bothered by it. i asked him what was wrong and he said that he wishes to take part in my morning routine. he asked me to wake him up when i get up so he can.
i said no - and told him that i know he gets cranky when he's up before 8:00, that he isn't a morning person and would just be groggy and tired if he sat outside with me that early. plus this is some of my only alone time in a day.
he got pretty upset about this. he asked why i need time away from him. i said i just like to be by myself sometimes and he knows this. he looked visibly upset like he was about to cry and said that i had hurt his feelings and now he needs some time away from me so i know how it feels. he's been upstairs since.
i mean i get how saying "i want time away from you" can be hurtful but me needing my own time isn't new to him. i guess waking him up isn't that much to ask but i really don't want to. i feel torn because i've hurt my love's feelings but also i just want to enjoy myself. aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xnpgms/aita_for_not_waking_my_husband_up/
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2022-09-25 14:53:20
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nta, your husband doesn't get to have every minute he's awake to spend with you. that is codependent unhealthy needy and clingy as hell as you've recognized.
if he doesn't grow up and become a fully functioning independent adult this is going to lead to big issues in your relationship.
even when you're married you shouldn't be doing everything every minute together. he should be spending time with his friends doing things by himself as well as spending time with you.
if all he does is use you as his source of life you're going to grow to resent it feel smothered and ultimately need to get rid of him.
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nta. each person has their own needs, and needing alone time is just as legitimate as needing to be with people. it isn’t a rejection of them.
this comes down to a typical trope is society: that people who want some solitude are somehow abnormal and need to be fixed.
basically, your husband not only has this attitude, but is *only* considering his needs and not thinking of yours at all. he considered only his need to be with you and considered your need for solitude selfish and disregarded it without a thought.
now he is emotionally punishing you be giving you the silent treatment, trying to guilt you into giving up all of your needs in favor of his. basically, he’s told you that this marriage is 100% about him and 0% about you.
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nta. he was fine when he slept through it, so it clearly isn’t affecting your relationship for you to have that time. in fact, you probably need such time, it’s very healthy for you as a person and a partner.
maybe he should have therapy to figure out why he can’t spend time alone/ considers your alone time a reflection on him.
the almost crying, sulking and passive-aggressive ignoring you isn’t a great way to resolve issues, either, as it’s an emotionally manipulative way to force you to comply.
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nta - husband was massively overreacting and being manipulative to intrude on your private time.
and, he was demanding that you wake him for it. that's like asking the victim to push in the knife.
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everyone is allowed time on their own, it's not about him.
i wouldn't wake my partner either for similar reasons.
nta.
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nta, i think he’s being silly. i would be so irritated if my spouse woke me up at 6:30 on a weekend just to hang out hahaha.
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nta. everyone requires some time alone. everyone deserves some personal space and time alone. this is not an unreasonable ask on your end. i personally think he’ll get over his hurt feelings as soon as you try to wake him up at 6:00 in the morning. (that was a joke.) but, honestly, good for you for setting some boundaries. it seems like he has a little trouble with them. nta
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nta
it's extremely hard, in any relationship, to say "this makes me unhappy" without the other person hearing "you make me unhappy".
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (36m) am a morning person. my husband (35m) isn't. on weekend i am naturally up around 6:30ish so i'll make my coffee and sit out on our porch and watch the sunrise. i love my tradition and it's some of the only alone time i get in a day as my husband is quite clingy. don't get me wrong - i love him and i love spending time with him, but he likes to do everything with me. i don't have the same mentality, but am usually welcoming to him. not with my morning tradition though - it's my two hours of personal silence in a day. this morning when my husband woke up around 8:30 and saw me outside on the porch he looked visibly upset. he's known i wake up before him for awhile and never seemed too bothered by it. i asked him what was wrong and he said that he wishes to take part in my morning routine. he asked me to wake him up when i get up so he can. i said no - and told him that i know he gets cranky when he's up before 8:00, that he isn't a morning person and would just be groggy and tired if he sat outside with me that early. plus this is some of my only alone time in a day. he got pretty upset about this. he asked why i need time away from him. i said i just like to be by myself sometimes and he knows this. he looked visibly upset like he was about to cry and said that i had hurt his feelings and now he needs some time away from me so i know how it feels. he's been upstairs since. i mean i get how saying "i want time away from you" can be hurtful but me needing my own time isn't new to him. i guess waking him up isn't that much to ask but i really don't want to. i feel torn because i've hurt my love's feelings but also i just want to enjoy myself. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (36m) am a morning person. my husband (35m) isn't. on weekend i am naturally up around 6:30ish so i'll make my coffee and sit out on our porch and watch the sunrise. i love my tradition and it's some of the only alone time i get in a day as my husband is quite clingy. don't get me wrong - i love him and i love spending time with him, but he likes to do everything with me. i don't have the same mentality, but am usually welcoming to him. not with my morning tradition though - it's my two hours of personal silence in a day. this morning when my husband woke up around 8:30 and saw me outside on the porch he looked visibly upset. he's known i wake up before him for awhile and never seemed too bothered by it. i asked him what was wrong and he said that he wishes to take part in my morning routine. he asked me to wake him up when i get up so he can. i said no - and told him that i know he gets cranky when he's up before 8:00, that he isn't a morning person and would just be groggy and tired if he sat outside with me that early. plus this is some of my only alone time in a day. he got pretty upset about this. he asked why i need time away from him. i said i just like to be by myself sometimes and he knows this. he looked visibly upset like he was about to cry and said that i had hurt his feelings and now he needs some time away from me so i know how it feels. he's been upstairs since. i mean i get how saying "i want time away from you" can be hurtful but me needing my own time isn't new to him. i guess waking him up isn't that much to ask but i really don't want to. i feel torn because i've hurt my love's feelings but also i just want to enjoy myself. aita? [/INST] nta, your husband doesn't get to have every minute he's awake to spend with you. that is codependent unhealthy needy and clingy as hell as you've recognized. if he doesn't grow up and become a fully functioning independent adult this is going to lead to big issues in your relationship. even when you're married you shouldn't be doing everything every minute together. he should be spending time with his friends doing things by himself as well as spending time with you. if all he does is use you as his source of life you're going to grow to resent it feel smothered and ultimately need to get rid of him. </s>
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AITA For saying my daughter looked like 'Rudolph' because of her acne?
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throwaway account:
my daughter is 19f and i'm 63m. we're a joking type of family and we usually mess around with different jokes and puns based off of our personalities. her acne has gotten kind of bad recently, to the point where there's a big spot right on the front of her nose. i came home yesterday and was teasing that she looked like "rudolph" the red-nosed reindeer, because of the spot at the center of her nose and the other acne that had gathered around her forehead.
even though we joke a lot, she looked rather hurt by what i'd said, and both my wife and fil were quick to say that i was an ah for making a comment about her physical appearance. my daughter later said she forgave me for what i was saying, but it was hurtful because she'd been going through some 'hormonal changes' and it wasn't something she wanted to be teased about. aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pxzug7/aita_for_saying_my_daughter_looked_like_rudolph/
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2021-09-29 17:06:27
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yta
that's not a joke, that's a cruel comment. stop being cruel and pretending it's a joke.
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i had acne at this age. it made me feel like a deformed, grotesque monster on a good day. pointing it out to begin with is mortifying. making fun of it is downright cruel. absolutely yta.
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yta - most people are touchy when it comes to appearance related jokes. especially teenagers.
my dad rips me all the time and that’s fine, but he would never do it about something i was self conscious about.
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yta. i understand the joking family thing, but i also understand how a comment like that would be hurtful. there is a tip that i heard, if it is something they can immediately fix (like food in their teeth of sauce on their mouth) you can say something, but if it is something they cannot immediately fix, like acne, then to not say anything
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yta. don’t comment or joke about aspects of a person’s appearance that they can’t change. especially if they’re your daughter.
you’re probably giving your daughter self-esteem issues.
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the fact that you even have to ask if you’re the ah, means yta.
there is a fine line between being funny and being disrespectful. your daughter is self conscious about her skin problems, and you went and made an insensitive joke about it. please apologize and do better.
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yta. that’s usually a very sensitive topic for teens, and don’t mock or tease someone’s appearance, especially your teenage daughters. if you can’t find something funnier to tease about, then just don’t do it
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yta that's not a joke, that could really ruin her self esteem.
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do you really need to ask this? your daughter outright told you she’s self-conscious about it and that she’d rather not be teased about it. two other people in your life said it was over the line. yes, yta.
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i mean, come on. of course, yta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account: my daughter is 19f and i'm 63m. we're a joking type of family and we usually mess around with different jokes and puns based off of our personalities. her acne has gotten kind of bad recently, to the point where there's a big spot right on the front of her nose. i came home yesterday and was teasing that she looked like "rudolph" the red-nosed reindeer, because of the spot at the center of her nose and the other acne that had gathered around her forehead. even though we joke a lot, she looked rather hurt by what i'd said, and both my wife and fil were quick to say that i was an ah for making a comment about her physical appearance. my daughter later said she forgave me for what i was saying, but it was hurtful because she'd been going through some 'hormonal changes' and it wasn't something she wanted to be teased about. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account: my daughter is 19f and i'm 63m. we're a joking type of family and we usually mess around with different jokes and puns based off of our personalities. her acne has gotten kind of bad recently, to the point where there's a big spot right on the front of her nose. i came home yesterday and was teasing that she looked like "rudolph" the red-nosed reindeer, because of the spot at the center of her nose and the other acne that had gathered around her forehead. even though we joke a lot, she looked rather hurt by what i'd said, and both my wife and fil were quick to say that i was an ah for making a comment about her physical appearance. my daughter later said she forgave me for what i was saying, but it was hurtful because she'd been going through some 'hormonal changes' and it wasn't something she wanted to be teased about. aita? [/INST] yta that's not a joke, that's a cruel comment. stop being cruel and pretending it's a joke. </s>
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AITA for not giving a coworker a ride to work?
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i am a 25 year old female who works in a male dominated workplace. the coworker in question is a 37 year old man.
until last week, he got rides to and from work every day from one of my friends. i don't know the exact arrangement, but i know that he does favors for him in exchange for the rides, such as helping him build a gaming computer. this coworker that needs rides is a compulsive liar, and therefore i'm not totally certain about certain aspects of his life, but he claims the pick-up truck in his driveway is his and he only doesn't drive himself because it's a lot of money for gas.
here and there, i have filled in for my friend as the ride to work. he is not terribly out of my way, but i do have to drive the opposite way from work to get him. he and i are not friends, i am doing it as a favor to the one who drives him. he is often drunk on fridays and is prone to hitting on me on the ride home. he doesn't do anything wrong, but he does say untoward things that make me uncomfortable.
my friend that is his ride to work had a mental health crisis and quit. he is no longer providing transportation for him, obviously.
the friday before last, my boss asked me if i could give him a ride to work. i told him i was willing to give him a ride to work, but not a ride home. i visit my mother on friday nights after work because we can't see each other during the week due to our opposing schedules, and i visit my boyfriend out of town on the weekends. we are second shift, so i don't get off work until 11:30 at night. that time with my mom is very precious to me. as petty as it sounds, i am not willing to give even 15 minutes of it to this coworker i'm not close with.
i was assured he would find an alternative ride for him for the ride home. instead, that night he was waiting for me at my car and told me no one else was willing to do it.
on monday, i blew a tire and was unable to make it to work. that night, he texted me the following, "i might not make it to work tomorrow because i'm having trouble finding a ride." i didn't reply, which i realize is rude, but i don't want to be his daily transportation. some weeks as crazy as it sounds, i literally do not have a penny of extra gas money. the way i felt was, he didn't ask me for a ride. he hinted around it hoping i would offer, and i just don't want to. i would do it out of pity, but i don't want to offer it.
no one at work thinks i'm being reasonable and all think it's going to be my fault if he gets fired.
aita? some feedback would be good, should i just suck it up and tell him i can drive him to work?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eu2kg8/aita_for_not_giving_a_coworker_a_ride_to_work/
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2020-01-26 05:14:36
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nta
it’s not your responsibility to get this person to work - it’s his responsibility.
your boss asking you and not compensating you for that extra job duty is the kind of ask that gets ceos in trouble with the sec, labor boards and other regulators.
and if you don’t do it and the boss retaliates, it’s definitely a labor law violation and hostile workplace lawsuit that you’ll win.
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nta
usually a job requirement is “reliable transportation” why is that required of everyone but this man? that’s wrong.
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absolutely nta. you don’t owe this entitled man anything. if it makes you feel more comfortable, make up an errand that you need to do (like checking on an elderly person, etc.) before and after work. ideally, you would not need to lie at all and force yourself to be confident with your boundaries and your resources.
do not take responsibility for his choices that make him “need” a ride. he is a grown-ass adult. when he’s asking or whining, you can respond, “sorry, i can’t.” when he asks why, you are busy. do not elaborate. do not feel the need to fill an awkward silence with words, excuses or apologies. he is infringing on your personal space. he will continue to attempt to get rides until he realizes that it will not be from you. so don’t budge on this one.
this is an uncomfortable lesson to learn, but a really important one. if you make yourself learn how to protect your boundaries at 25, you will have this skill for all the times you will (definitely!) need it in the future.
good luck. let us know what happens!
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nta
you don't owe him anything, especially if he isn't smart enough to even offer you gas money for going out of your way to pick him up and/or drop him off.
also, eww on the whole being drunk and hitting on you thing. even if he was offering monetary compensation, it's not worth the unwanted advances.
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nta. tell your boss that the coworker makes you uncomfortable and you’re no longer available to give him rides to or from work. ignore the coworker’s texts. don’t worry about your other coworkers think. if they cared so much, they could give the guy a ride.
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nta you are not obligated to help also he is an adult, should be perfectly capable of finding his own way to work
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nta- first, he is stating he has a car but gas is expensive. well, he has a job so he can use the money to fill the tank or sell the truck and get one that is better on gas.
you are not responsible for anyone but yourself. he can learn to catch a bus or uber. you do not need to drive him anywhere.
if you feel like you dont want to be the bad guy, then just say that as of february 1st, you are moving into your boyfriends place.... in the opposite direction of his house. i dont feel like you need to justify why you dont want to take him, but i understand some people rather avoid confrontations.
best of luck to you.
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nta
yikes yikes, yikety yikes. if folks are so concerned about his job, they can all get on a schedule to give him rides. their entitlement to your time and resources while unable to provide their own is a big yikes.
as for the co-worker who needs a ride? he can put his big boy pants on and figure himself a situation.
oh and last thing? your boss is probably going to intervene on his behalf again. "no" is a complete sentence.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a 25 year old female who works in a male dominated workplace. the coworker in question is a 37 year old man. until last week, he got rides to and from work every day from one of my friends. i don't know the exact arrangement, but i know that he does favors for him in exchange for the rides, such as helping him build a gaming computer. this coworker that needs rides is a compulsive liar, and therefore i'm not totally certain about certain aspects of his life, but he claims the pick-up truck in his driveway is his and he only doesn't drive himself because it's a lot of money for gas. here and there, i have filled in for my friend as the ride to work. he is not terribly out of my way, but i do have to drive the opposite way from work to get him. he and i are not friends, i am doing it as a favor to the one who drives him. he is often drunk on fridays and is prone to hitting on me on the ride home. he doesn't do anything wrong, but he does say untoward things that make me uncomfortable. my friend that is his ride to work had a mental health crisis and quit. he is no longer providing transportation for him, obviously. the friday before last, my boss asked me if i could give him a ride to work. i told him i was willing to give him a ride to work, but not a ride home. i visit my mother on friday nights after work because we can't see each other during the week due to our opposing schedules, and i visit my boyfriend out of town on the weekends. we are second shift, so i don't get off work until 11:30 at night. that time with my mom is very precious to me. as petty as it sounds, i am not willing to give even 15 minutes of it to this coworker i'm not close with. i was assured he would find an alternative ride for him for the ride home. instead, that night he was waiting for me at my car and told me no one else was willing to do it. on monday, i blew a tire and was unable to make it to work. that night, he texted me the following, "i might not make it to work tomorrow because i'm having trouble finding a ride." i didn't reply, which i realize is rude, but i don't want to be his daily transportation. some weeks as crazy as it sounds, i literally do not have a penny of extra gas money. the way i felt was, he didn't ask me for a ride. he hinted around it hoping i would offer, and i just don't want to. i would do it out of pity, but i don't want to offer it. no one at work thinks i'm being reasonable and all think it's going to be my fault if he gets fired. aita? some feedback would be good, should i just suck it up and tell him i can drive him to work?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a 25 year old female who works in a male dominated workplace. the coworker in question is a 37 year old man. until last week, he got rides to and from work every day from one of my friends. i don't know the exact arrangement, but i know that he does favors for him in exchange for the rides, such as helping him build a gaming computer. this coworker that needs rides is a compulsive liar, and therefore i'm not totally certain about certain aspects of his life, but he claims the pick-up truck in his driveway is his and he only doesn't drive himself because it's a lot of money for gas. here and there, i have filled in for my friend as the ride to work. he is not terribly out of my way, but i do have to drive the opposite way from work to get him. he and i are not friends, i am doing it as a favor to the one who drives him. he is often drunk on fridays and is prone to hitting on me on the ride home. he doesn't do anything wrong, but he does say untoward things that make me uncomfortable. my friend that is his ride to work had a mental health crisis and quit. he is no longer providing transportation for him, obviously. the friday before last, my boss asked me if i could give him a ride to work. i told him i was willing to give him a ride to work, but not a ride home. i visit my mother on friday nights after work because we can't see each other during the week due to our opposing schedules, and i visit my boyfriend out of town on the weekends. we are second shift, so i don't get off work until 11:30 at night. that time with my mom is very precious to me. as petty as it sounds, i am not willing to give even 15 minutes of it to this coworker i'm not close with. i was assured he would find an alternative ride for him for the ride home. instead, that night he was waiting for me at my car and told me no one else was willing to do it. on monday, i blew a tire and was unable to make it to work. that night, he texted me the following, "i might not make it to work tomorrow because i'm having trouble finding a ride." i didn't reply, which i realize is rude, but i don't want to be his daily transportation. some weeks as crazy as it sounds, i literally do not have a penny of extra gas money. the way i felt was, he didn't ask me for a ride. he hinted around it hoping i would offer, and i just don't want to. i would do it out of pity, but i don't want to offer it. no one at work thinks i'm being reasonable and all think it's going to be my fault if he gets fired. aita? some feedback would be good, should i just suck it up and tell him i can drive him to work? [/INST] nta it’s not your responsibility to get this person to work - it’s his responsibility. your boss asking you and not compensating you for that extra job duty is the kind of ask that gets ceos in trouble with the sec, labor boards and other regulators. and if you don’t do it and the boss retaliates, it’s definitely a labor law violation and hostile workplace lawsuit that you’ll win. </s>
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AITA for being angry that my boyfriend won’t clear my name after his brother told his whole family i cheated with my ex?
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i f(20) attended a large family event and my old boyfriend, let’s call him tom, who is also friends with my current boyfriend was there. me and tom ended on bad terms but we were civil. we were seated on the same table for food, so i made small talk with his family and him, just to be nice as they are also family friends. other than that we didn’t speak at all all night. the next day my boyfriend (21) lou messaged me very angry claiming i had been with tom all night, flirting, and being handsy with each other. (this part might seem complicated). apparently, tom’s mom had told tom’s cousin (who was not at the event) and they told lou’s brother that i had been doing what i was accused of. and like i said previously i was sat with him for about an hour tops. lou’s brother told his mom about this causing her to curse me massively to my boyfriend who then argued with me, he didn’t let me speak or even listen to what i had to say. he said he didn’t believe me and when he knew “the definite truth” he would leave me. i was in tears but still wouldn’t let me speak.
after about 2 hours of ignoring my texts he finally believed i was being truthful after he found out that tom’s cousin had told lou’s brother they saw me with him as they were there (this was not truthful). and i very reluctantly messaged tom to tell him about this. he then asked his mom what had been said and we figured out words had been twisted from lou’s brother.
now lou understands i was telling the truth but refuses to confront his brother as it doesn’t matter now he claims, but his whole family now thinks i am a cheater and i am unwelcome at their house. his mom already finds excuses to not like me every now and then so therefore she now has the whole reason to think bad of me
why i might be tah because i am upset with him and have had a minor argument about this.
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pnky7o/aita_for_being_angry_that_my_boyfriend_wont_clear/
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2021-09-13 18:09:22
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nta, but i think you need to realize this problem where your boyfriend lets his family treat you like crap goes beyond this incident and cannot be entirely blamed on his family, and ask if you really want to stick around for that.
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nta how much does he respect you if a family member directly tries to destroy your relationship and he didn't care enough to say anything? is he even mad or is he just avoiding confrontation?
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wtf?
i need a map to figure out all the relationships & who said what to whom. please don't take that as a question; i don't really care enough.
here's the deal: why in the world would you want to be associated with & hurt by a family that behaves that way? it's not just your boyfriend, but his mother, cousins, aunts, friends, etc etc etc. you certainly don't need to be worrying about whether you're an asshole for defending your own reputation.
here's what you should do: ***run!!!***
nta
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nta, but if your boyfriend is this spineless with his family now when it concerns your integrity versus his convenience, please don’t imagine it will ever get any better.
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nta
he believes a fourth hand account of the situation over his own gf?? absolutely no respect for your word or trust for you. any now he won't even set the record straight because...?
sorry but your bf sucks
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nta.
but im sensing a red flag
the cheating you were accused of was "been with tom all night, flirting, and being handsy with each other". is your boyfriend and his family going to act like this every time you interact with a guy. but from reading it seems like it was toms family who were stirring the pot. eve if your boyfriend explained i suspect his family wont believe him because he was not there.
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nta- you know the problem: lou’s mom doesn’t like you, and lou clearly sides with his mom. there’s a reason his brother went straight to mom- she holds the apron strings.
i have to ask- is this relationship worth it?
1. you were berated by your bf, who refused to listen to you.
2.you were ignored for hours trying to set the record straight.
3.your bf then doesn’t care enough to clear your name and is content with them thinking badly of you.
4. now you’re left wondering if y t a for feeling bad about being falsely accused of cheating and wanting to clear that? you shouldn’t feel bad! you should be angry! he started a fight by not being a decent partner. he should be standing up for you, not listening to 4th hand gossip.
what makes lou so special? because this is going to be the rest of your life if you don’t speak up and/or leave.
personally i would have been done after being yelled at and not allowed to speak. if my partner believes i could so easily cheat on him, it speaks volumes of the trust between us, and his view of my character. i also (whether right or wrong) think people who are quick to think others are cheating/cheaters do so because they would be quick to cheat.
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nta. time to dump your boyfriend and his malicious family
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nta
your bf won’t stand up for you, even though he knows the truth.
your bf first though didn’t even bother asking you for the truth... he just went straight to being a major ah about it.
seriously reconsider this relationship.
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i f(20) attended a large family event and my old boyfriend, let’s call him tom, who is also friends with my current boyfriend was there. me and tom ended on bad terms but we were civil. we were seated on the same table for food, so i made small talk with his family and him, just to be nice as they are also family friends. other than that we didn’t speak at all all night. the next day my boyfriend (21) lou messaged me very angry claiming i had been with tom all night, flirting, and being handsy with each other. (this part might seem complicated). apparently, tom’s mom had told tom’s cousin (who was not at the event) and they told lou’s brother that i had been doing what i was accused of. and like i said previously i was sat with him for about an hour tops. lou’s brother told his mom about this causing her to curse me massively to my boyfriend who then argued with me, he didn’t let me speak or even listen to what i had to say. he said he didn’t believe me and when he knew “the definite truth” he would leave me. i was in tears but still wouldn’t let me speak. after about 2 hours of ignoring my texts he finally believed i was being truthful after he found out that tom’s cousin had told lou’s brother they saw me with him as they were there (this was not truthful). and i very reluctantly messaged tom to tell him about this. he then asked his mom what had been said and we figured out words had been twisted from lou’s brother. now lou understands i was telling the truth but refuses to confront his brother as it doesn’t matter now he claims, but his whole family now thinks i am a cheater and i am unwelcome at their house. his mom already finds excuses to not like me every now and then so therefore she now has the whole reason to think bad of me why i might be tah because i am upset with him and have had a minor argument about this.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i f(20) attended a large family event and my old boyfriend, let’s call him tom, who is also friends with my current boyfriend was there. me and tom ended on bad terms but we were civil. we were seated on the same table for food, so i made small talk with his family and him, just to be nice as they are also family friends. other than that we didn’t speak at all all night. the next day my boyfriend (21) lou messaged me very angry claiming i had been with tom all night, flirting, and being handsy with each other. (this part might seem complicated). apparently, tom’s mom had told tom’s cousin (who was not at the event) and they told lou’s brother that i had been doing what i was accused of. and like i said previously i was sat with him for about an hour tops. lou’s brother told his mom about this causing her to curse me massively to my boyfriend who then argued with me, he didn’t let me speak or even listen to what i had to say. he said he didn’t believe me and when he knew “the definite truth” he would leave me. i was in tears but still wouldn’t let me speak. after about 2 hours of ignoring my texts he finally believed i was being truthful after he found out that tom’s cousin had told lou’s brother they saw me with him as they were there (this was not truthful). and i very reluctantly messaged tom to tell him about this. he then asked his mom what had been said and we figured out words had been twisted from lou’s brother. now lou understands i was telling the truth but refuses to confront his brother as it doesn’t matter now he claims, but his whole family now thinks i am a cheater and i am unwelcome at their house. his mom already finds excuses to not like me every now and then so therefore she now has the whole reason to think bad of me why i might be tah because i am upset with him and have had a minor argument about this. [/INST] nta, but i think you need to realize this problem where your boyfriend lets his family treat you like crap goes beyond this incident and cannot be entirely blamed on his family, and ask if you really want to stick around for that. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom to back off and don't contact me ever again like she did today?
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my mother mostly neglected me for the most of my life and it felt like she loved my step brothers more. this hurt me a lot as a teen as i was always given little to nothing compared to my step brother.
so i when i was of legal age i moved away and went no contact with all of them. today my mom contacted me and she said she had something super serious to tell me about and i shouldn't delay it. i was confused so i went with it and when i met her she told me she and my step dad wanted to make amends for the "things in the past" and we should let of the things that happened in past. i told her straight away to fuck and i won't let make her amends on what she did to me ever and she will with guilt forever.
i know i was really harsh on her and my stepbrothers sent me messages that because of me i have ruined the atmpsphere of the home. i told them to fuck and not contact me again and blocked [them.](https://them.how) however i think i was a little harsh on my mom and was thinking to apologize and the politely tell her to fuck off but i believe if i did that i think i will give her the closure she needed.
so aita did i overstep and should i apologize?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ue80fc/aita_for_telling_my_mom_to_back_off_and_dont/
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2022-04-28 23:15:45
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nta. "making amends" doesn't mean that the wronged party just forgets about what was done and everybody starts over. it means the perpetrator acknowledges in full what they did and how they harmed the other person, and then takes whatever steps they can to help set things right.
your mother and stepfather didn't do any of that, they just demanded forgiveness for nonspecific "things in the past". i wouldn't agree to speak to them again unless they could acknowledge what they did and why it hurt you, apologize sincerely, and describe in what way they will attempt to actually make amends.
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nta. she lied to you, didn't apologize, fuck that. move on and never look back
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nta. money might be involved, or she might need a kidney or something.
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nta, you can be as rude or harsh as you want. if what she did is so bad you went nc then imo it's justified. she didn't even start with an apology she started with let's make amends so i highly doubt she would've fully acknowledged her wrong doings. and even if she did regret everything, then good, she can live with the consequences of her actions for the rest of her life.
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nta - it sounds like she misrepresented the reason to meet with you, suddenly she and her husband decided that they did you wrong and now you have to graciously accept them back into your life? no way that's bs.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mother mostly neglected me for the most of my life and it felt like she loved my step brothers more. this hurt me a lot as a teen as i was always given little to nothing compared to my step brother. so i when i was of legal age i moved away and went no contact with all of them. today my mom contacted me and she said she had something super serious to tell me about and i shouldn't delay it. i was confused so i went with it and when i met her she told me she and my step dad wanted to make amends for the "things in the past" and we should let of the things that happened in past. i told her straight away to fuck and i won't let make her amends on what she did to me ever and she will with guilt forever. i know i was really harsh on her and my stepbrothers sent me messages that because of me i have ruined the atmpsphere of the home. i told them to fuck and not contact me again and blocked [them.](https://them.how) however i think i was a little harsh on my mom and was thinking to apologize and the politely tell her to fuck off but i believe if i did that i think i will give her the closure she needed. so aita did i overstep and should i apologize?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mother mostly neglected me for the most of my life and it felt like she loved my step brothers more. this hurt me a lot as a teen as i was always given little to nothing compared to my step brother. so i when i was of legal age i moved away and went no contact with all of them. today my mom contacted me and she said she had something super serious to tell me about and i shouldn't delay it. i was confused so i went with it and when i met her she told me she and my step dad wanted to make amends for the "things in the past" and we should let of the things that happened in past. i told her straight away to fuck and i won't let make her amends on what she did to me ever and she will with guilt forever. i know i was really harsh on her and my stepbrothers sent me messages that because of me i have ruined the atmpsphere of the home. i told them to fuck and not contact me again and blocked [them.](https://them.how) however i think i was a little harsh on my mom and was thinking to apologize and the politely tell her to fuck off but i believe if i did that i think i will give her the closure she needed. so aita did i overstep and should i apologize? [/INST] nta. "making amends" doesn't mean that the wronged party just forgets about what was done and everybody starts over. it means the perpetrator acknowledges in full what they did and how they harmed the other person, and then takes whatever steps they can to help set things right. your mother and stepfather didn't do any of that, they just demanded forgiveness for nonspecific "things in the past". i wouldn't agree to speak to them again unless they could acknowledge what they did and why it hurt you, apologize sincerely, and describe in what way they will attempt to actually make amends. </s>
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AITA for refusing to buy special ingredients for my best friend's lactose intolerance?
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bear with me because it's not as bad as it sounds. i hope.
a while ago my friend jess (24f) was living with me (24f) because she needed a place to stay. my best friend and jess's girlfriend ari (25f) came to my town by to visit us and since we're broke millennials instead of going out we cooked extra the night before and we had jess's famous burritos ready for lunch.
once we picked ari from the train station she said she felt like eating my "carbonara" which includes cream and cheese. she had it once (fully knowing it wasn't lactose free) and it somehow didn't act up with her lactose intolerance.
i reminded ari we had food prepped already, but i said was pretty sure i had all the ingredients at home so once we got there we could check and maybe i could make it real quick. so she asked if i had lactose free cream, to which i said that no, i had bought lactose free milk for her coffee, but i only had normal cream since she wasn't supposed to need any. i also brought up that last time she ate it, it had normal cream and she was fine.
ari told me her intolerance is different every day and she didn't want to risk it, so we had to go to the supermarket and buy lactose free cream.
we were all tired, she was complaining about the train journey and having to walk to my apartment. it was past lunch time and i just wanted to eat asap, so i doubled down on how the last time it didn't hurt her, and if she wanted something safe, we should eat what me and jess cooked for her the day before.
it became a bit of a back and forth. we compromised by stopping at a smaller store that was on the way, but they sadly didn't have it so we ended up eating the burritos (which she loved!). the thing is both jess and ari told me afterwards that it was really rude of me to refuse to buy lactose free cream and dismiss her intolerance.
but in my opinion, she tried to change the menu at someone else's house last minute because she craved something else. i even offered to cook the new dish. if i didn't want to spend half an hour going to the supermarket i think i was more than entitled to say the only options were the original lactose-free dish or an option with lactose.
it's come up since then and i'm starting to wonder if they're right.
so aita for refusing to buy lactose free cream for my best friend?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oo8qva/aita_for_refusing_to_buy_special_ingredients_for/
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2021-07-20 19:07:28
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nta, only just - ari is, first and foremost, jess’s guest. she isn’t your responsibility.
you had a perfectly adequate meal available. ari is entitled and imo has bad manners - that’s why you get n-t-a.
fyi - next time you should say “thanks for the compliment but we’ve cooked food already” and not get into a ridiculous back and forth going round shops arguing about cream.
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nta. you bought the lactose free milk for her, in preparation of her visit. you made sure the food you made was lactose free. just because you didn’t have the ingredients to make what she was craving doesn’t make you an ah or mean that you were dismissive. and it was rude of her to try to make a sudden change to the menu and expect you to accommodate it.
the only thing that bothered me is that you basically insisted it would be fine for her to have the regular cream. as someone with digestive issues, i can assure you that you never know what will affect you when. it was rude to essentially tell her to gamble whether or not it would affect her. you should have just said you were sorry but you had already made food to accommodate her allergy, but maybe you could make it next time.
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nta
how dare you not have a specific ingredient at home to accommodate your friend's sudden cravings?
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nta - they're not ordering at a restaurant.
ari comes across as a little entitled. you agreed to make it (without advance notice, i assumed?), tried to get the ingredients, they weren't available so you provided what you had.
honestly, i wouldn't have even gone that far; here's what i made, you either eat it or order a takeaway.
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nta. when you say "i've made you lunch", the correct response is "oh, thanks!" not "i want you to make me a different thing because that's what i feel like". you probably shouldn't have even opened the door to the other thing, just said you didn't know if you had everything, let's just go with my plan.
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nta. ari was acting very entitled and they should both be more grateful for all you’re doing.
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if she wanted to eat some she should make it on her own time. you were nice enough to even cook her something to eat, and the fact that she was like, no i want to eat this, is just downright entitled.
nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: bear with me because it's not as bad as it sounds. i hope. a while ago my friend jess (24f) was living with me (24f) because she needed a place to stay. my best friend and jess's girlfriend ari (25f) came to my town by to visit us and since we're broke millennials instead of going out we cooked extra the night before and we had jess's famous burritos ready for lunch. once we picked ari from the train station she said she felt like eating my "carbonara" which includes cream and cheese. she had it once (fully knowing it wasn't lactose free) and it somehow didn't act up with her lactose intolerance. i reminded ari we had food prepped already, but i said was pretty sure i had all the ingredients at home so once we got there we could check and maybe i could make it real quick. so she asked if i had lactose free cream, to which i said that no, i had bought lactose free milk for her coffee, but i only had normal cream since she wasn't supposed to need any. i also brought up that last time she ate it, it had normal cream and she was fine. ari told me her intolerance is different every day and she didn't want to risk it, so we had to go to the supermarket and buy lactose free cream. we were all tired, she was complaining about the train journey and having to walk to my apartment. it was past lunch time and i just wanted to eat asap, so i doubled down on how the last time it didn't hurt her, and if she wanted something safe, we should eat what me and jess cooked for her the day before. it became a bit of a back and forth. we compromised by stopping at a smaller store that was on the way, but they sadly didn't have it so we ended up eating the burritos (which she loved!). the thing is both jess and ari told me afterwards that it was really rude of me to refuse to buy lactose free cream and dismiss her intolerance. but in my opinion, she tried to change the menu at someone else's house last minute because she craved something else. i even offered to cook the new dish. if i didn't want to spend half an hour going to the supermarket i think i was more than entitled to say the only options were the original lactose-free dish or an option with lactose. it's come up since then and i'm starting to wonder if they're right. so aita for refusing to buy lactose free cream for my best friend?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
bear with me because it's not as bad as it sounds. i hope. a while ago my friend jess (24f) was living with me (24f) because she needed a place to stay. my best friend and jess's girlfriend ari (25f) came to my town by to visit us and since we're broke millennials instead of going out we cooked extra the night before and we had jess's famous burritos ready for lunch. once we picked ari from the train station she said she felt like eating my "carbonara" which includes cream and cheese. she had it once (fully knowing it wasn't lactose free) and it somehow didn't act up with her lactose intolerance. i reminded ari we had food prepped already, but i said was pretty sure i had all the ingredients at home so once we got there we could check and maybe i could make it real quick. so she asked if i had lactose free cream, to which i said that no, i had bought lactose free milk for her coffee, but i only had normal cream since she wasn't supposed to need any. i also brought up that last time she ate it, it had normal cream and she was fine. ari told me her intolerance is different every day and she didn't want to risk it, so we had to go to the supermarket and buy lactose free cream. we were all tired, she was complaining about the train journey and having to walk to my apartment. it was past lunch time and i just wanted to eat asap, so i doubled down on how the last time it didn't hurt her, and if she wanted something safe, we should eat what me and jess cooked for her the day before. it became a bit of a back and forth. we compromised by stopping at a smaller store that was on the way, but they sadly didn't have it so we ended up eating the burritos (which she loved!). the thing is both jess and ari told me afterwards that it was really rude of me to refuse to buy lactose free cream and dismiss her intolerance. but in my opinion, she tried to change the menu at someone else's house last minute because she craved something else. i even offered to cook the new dish. if i didn't want to spend half an hour going to the supermarket i think i was more than entitled to say the only options were the original lactose-free dish or an option with lactose. it's come up since then and i'm starting to wonder if they're right. so aita for refusing to buy lactose free cream for my best friend? [/INST] nta, only just - ari is, first and foremost, jess’s guest. she isn’t your responsibility. you had a perfectly adequate meal available. ari is entitled and imo has bad manners - that’s why you get n-t-a. fyi - next time you should say “thanks for the compliment but we’ve cooked food already” and not get into a ridiculous back and forth going round shops arguing about cream. </s>
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AITAH for taking my sister
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so i'm a 25-year-old guy i have a sister let's call her jess she's 19 years old. she has a lot of different medical conditions she has seizures, low blood sugar, has a feeding tube, needs oxygen, takes about 100 different meds among many other things. because of this, she requires rondo the clock care my mom has always been the one to care for her. i live with my fiance and our two kids and unfortunately, i don't get to see them as much as i want to.
a few days ago i decided to visit them after work when i got there i found my mom drunk on the couch. i checked on jess she was laying on the floor crying in a pile of piss and shit i was so angry i packed her bags and took her straight to my house. the next morning i get a phone call from my mom panicking saying she was going to call the cops because jess is missing. i told her what happened and she started yelling at me saying i had no right to come and take jess without telling her i just hun up. now my whole family is mad at me telling me i need to give her back and apologies but jess doesn't want to go back she made it clear she wants to stay with us. i and my fiance are willing and capable of caring for her permanently if necessary. but i'm starting to think my family is right i should have told my mom at least left a note or something.
so reddit am i the ass hole?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/muacfs/aitah_for_taking_my_sister/
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2021-04-19 20:56:32
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nta. this is disability abuse, and you need to call and report it asap. she deserves better care and treatment than that. please don't take her back to that!
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nta
it sounds like your sister was in a dire situation and your mom was incredibly irresponsible by being drunk when your sister needed her. i don’t blame you for being upset and wanting to remove your sister from the situation, if you intend to move your sister in permanently you should consider legal matters incase your mom tries to take this to court.
either way i hope for the best for you and your sister and i hope she never endures an awful situation like that ever again.
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nta
jess is not safe there and never will be, her care comes last to your mum and she’s made that very clear, he’s taking care of jess must be incredibly stressful (i assume she’s doing this alone as you haven’t mentioned your dad) but jess needs help and when that happens the parent(s) have to provide even when they’re exhausted (mentally and physically).
good on you for saving your sister, who knows how long jess was stuck in that state for, is there anyway you can get a care taker? so you and your fiancé don’t get burnt out from the constant care that jess will need? it’s a massive responsibility to just suddenly take care of someone that can’t care for themselves. (even if it’s just once in a while to have a day to yourselves)
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nta. you found your sister in a state that required immediate care, and your mom was failing. especially if jess says this is a common occurrence then you owe your mom zero explanation.
info: is jess legally and mentally capable of making her own decisions? if so, she can choose to live with you. if not, get a lawyer.
you should contact protective services about the condition you found your sister in and, separately if needed, replace your mom’s authority with your own. if your mom is receiving social security on jess’s behalf, get that fixed too. you may want to jump over to r/legaladvice but i suggest getting a lawyer to represent jess and you.
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jess has made it clear that she doesn’t want to be with her mom. nta. you are a good brother and your fiancée is very supportive. i am not sure what jess’s mental state is but she is an adult and can make her own choices
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nta
be careful they don't manage to pull some legal threads and get her taken back to them. get what she was going through documented.
if jess is verbal (i think she is based on the post) it might be wise to get her to make a statement too. she's an adult, but she's also in need of full time care - i don't know what the ins and outs will be where you live.
you're a brilliant brother.
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forget about judgments, you absolutely need to report this to your local service for vulnerable adults, as this is abuse. you and your fiance should get a family lawyer immediately so that you can get a judgement allowing her to stay with you. what your mother did was unconscionable.
i am an alcoholic, and i believe that alcoholism is a disease, but i also believe that we don't get a free pass at all for our bad behavior and for how our drinking affects the people we love.
but that is beside the point. the *only* thing that matters here is your sister's wellbeing. she is old enough to make her own decisions, but being a vulnerable adult can make things legally questionable, so do the right thing and get it official that you are her caretakers, and not your mother.
also, thank you for having the compassion that you have for your sister.
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you are not the asshole. i've been exactly where you are right now and it feels like you're doing the wrong thing but you are not. your sister needs you to fight for her because she can't.
if you're in the us, you need to immediately file for guardianship and a protective order. (may not get the protective order but try anyway) then call child protective services and report your mother for abuse and neglect.
maybe your mom can get her shit together, maybe she won't. either way you need to at least get temporary guardianship and have it court ordered so your mom can't take your sister without serious legal consequences.
if mom doesn't turn herself around, you then need to go ahead and file another suit to terminate parental rights on her.
your sister needs you to do this. stay strong. your mom needs this too, even if she doesn't know it yet.
good luck. please feel free to dm me if you need any additional advice.
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no one's mentioned disability care here in the manner of that your sister might be getting disability income or your mom might be getting paid catetaker/disability income. if your sister leaves that income goes with your sister and whoever she lives with/who takes care of her. do not let your mom keep that income if your sister receives any. it's meant to help your sister.
there's a lot left questioned here, but basically get a lawyer. make sure everything is done legally and properly. speak with adult protective services/ disability/ social security. many people are mentioning cps but at 19 she's an adult. if she's under guardianship, you need to become her guardian. i don't know much about all this so talking with a lawyer and advocates for disability are best. look into your state department of vocational rehabilitation if you need a center resource of what's available/who to speak with, other than lawyers.
this is above reddit's pay grade. nta but more importantly gather info to make sure your sister is safe and happy.
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call dss and get a lawyer yesterday
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i'm a 25-year-old guy i have a sister let's call her jess she's 19 years old. she has a lot of different medical conditions she has seizures, low blood sugar, has a feeding tube, needs oxygen, takes about 100 different meds among many other things. because of this, she requires rondo the clock care my mom has always been the one to care for her. i live with my fiance and our two kids and unfortunately, i don't get to see them as much as i want to. a few days ago i decided to visit them after work when i got there i found my mom drunk on the couch. i checked on jess she was laying on the floor crying in a pile of piss and shit i was so angry i packed her bags and took her straight to my house. the next morning i get a phone call from my mom panicking saying she was going to call the cops because jess is missing. i told her what happened and she started yelling at me saying i had no right to come and take jess without telling her i just hun up. now my whole family is mad at me telling me i need to give her back and apologies but jess doesn't want to go back she made it clear she wants to stay with us. i and my fiance are willing and capable of caring for her permanently if necessary. but i'm starting to think my family is right i should have told my mom at least left a note or something. so reddit am i the ass hole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i'm a 25-year-old guy i have a sister let's call her jess she's 19 years old. she has a lot of different medical conditions she has seizures, low blood sugar, has a feeding tube, needs oxygen, takes about 100 different meds among many other things. because of this, she requires rondo the clock care my mom has always been the one to care for her. i live with my fiance and our two kids and unfortunately, i don't get to see them as much as i want to. a few days ago i decided to visit them after work when i got there i found my mom drunk on the couch. i checked on jess she was laying on the floor crying in a pile of piss and shit i was so angry i packed her bags and took her straight to my house. the next morning i get a phone call from my mom panicking saying she was going to call the cops because jess is missing. i told her what happened and she started yelling at me saying i had no right to come and take jess without telling her i just hun up. now my whole family is mad at me telling me i need to give her back and apologies but jess doesn't want to go back she made it clear she wants to stay with us. i and my fiance are willing and capable of caring for her permanently if necessary. but i'm starting to think my family is right i should have told my mom at least left a note or something. so reddit am i the ass hole? [/INST] nta. this is disability abuse, and you need to call and report it asap. she deserves better care and treatment than that. please don't take her back to that! </s>
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AITA for shaving all my hair off after my mother ruined it
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i know the title is weird but let my explain, i've had long hair since forever. i've kept it long for my mother as loved my hair and i never minded her brushing and grooming it. i'm turning 21 soon so i wanted to cut my hair, i cut it to look like link from legend of zelda (i bought myself a few practice wigs before hand).
i knew what i was doing and i cut it exactly how i wanted although the backside was a bit messy, i asked my mother to trim it for me instead she cut off my bangs and a bit more. i was clearly upset as it's not what i asked for, i understand it was my fault for talking to my sibling as my mom was cutting my hair and i wasn't paying attention. though she had offered to bring me to a salon to get it professionally cut into a pixie cut, i was upset and claimed i didn't want a pixie cut but after a while of cooling down i decided to shave my hair fully off.
i have been losing a lot of my hair as is, so i figured just cutting it fully off would give me a break from dealing with it and if super needed i could always buy a wig. my boyfriend helped my shave my hair fully off, while supporting me through it as since we have been together my hair was always a major thing i loved. but when i got home my mother blew up on me and wont speak to me at all, i don't feel like i'm in the wrong for shaving my hair off. my family knows of my hair loss and has tried supporting me through it as it has made me very upset the last few month, although my siblings are on my side as clearly you can see many spots where there hasn't been hair in a while on my head; my mother still dismisses me not acknowledge my existence. aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x6xnf1/aita_for_shaving_all_my_hair_off_after_my_mother/
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2022-09-06 01:45:44
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nta. it is your hair and not your mother's. she has no right to tell you what to do with it.
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nta - your body, your choice.
your mom has serious control issues, from the fact that she couldn't keep her cut to where you asked for it to the fact that she seems to think she owns your head.
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nta - firstly big zelda fan myself so kudos to the reference and selected style. i'm sorry your mother ruined your hairstyle and truthfully you have a 50/50 possibility it was done on purpose as a form of punishment or your mother was genuinely trying to help and just doesn't know how to cut hair.
secondly, sounds like you may have alopecia, if that is the case there are a multitude of reasons for it, some are due to possible medical issues and for some of us ( like my family ) it is genetic and ours is generally more active and aggressive due to stress.
have you been feeling under a lot of stress due to work/school or family life? if not and you aren't sure why you have started experiencing the hair loss please go see a doctor just to make sure it is nothing serious.
really cutting all your hair off was probably more freeing than you initially realized and if you like it. if it feels good and comfortable to you. than let her pout. hair does not make the person. i know it must be maddening for her to act this way about it, but thankfully you are an adult and don't have to put yourself in a place you don't want to be.
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nta
you're an adult and can do you please with your hair. i'm sorry for the hair loss, that's so hard. i hope you enjoy the freedom of having a shaved head and glad your bf is supportive of your decisions!
hopefully your mom just needs time to process your new daring look and realize you're grown.
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nta - i also think you should talk to you mother about her controlling habit. you ask her to cut your hair a certain way and she cuts it how she wanted without asking then she scream at you because you made a decision for yourself and about your body. this is unhealthy. i know the post is only about your hair but i presume this is not the only thing she try to force on you.
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nta it's your hair, the great thing about is that it grows back. i've worn mine anywhere from middle of my back to a near high-n-tight. shorter is so easy to manage, wash, towel dry, done. mom's can get super attached to hair, especially on daughter's. she'll cool off eventually, just let her know that it's not the end of the world.
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nta, it is your head and your hair. though i would recommend speaking to a dr about the patches of hair loss cause that could signify a number of different health issues.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know the title is weird but let my explain, i've had long hair since forever. i've kept it long for my mother as loved my hair and i never minded her brushing and grooming it. i'm turning 21 soon so i wanted to cut my hair, i cut it to look like link from legend of zelda (i bought myself a few practice wigs before hand). i knew what i was doing and i cut it exactly how i wanted although the backside was a bit messy, i asked my mother to trim it for me instead she cut off my bangs and a bit more. i was clearly upset as it's not what i asked for, i understand it was my fault for talking to my sibling as my mom was cutting my hair and i wasn't paying attention. though she had offered to bring me to a salon to get it professionally cut into a pixie cut, i was upset and claimed i didn't want a pixie cut but after a while of cooling down i decided to shave my hair fully off. i have been losing a lot of my hair as is, so i figured just cutting it fully off would give me a break from dealing with it and if super needed i could always buy a wig. my boyfriend helped my shave my hair fully off, while supporting me through it as since we have been together my hair was always a major thing i loved. but when i got home my mother blew up on me and wont speak to me at all, i don't feel like i'm in the wrong for shaving my hair off. my family knows of my hair loss and has tried supporting me through it as it has made me very upset the last few month, although my siblings are on my side as clearly you can see many spots where there hasn't been hair in a while on my head; my mother still dismisses me not acknowledge my existence. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i know the title is weird but let my explain, i've had long hair since forever. i've kept it long for my mother as loved my hair and i never minded her brushing and grooming it. i'm turning 21 soon so i wanted to cut my hair, i cut it to look like link from legend of zelda (i bought myself a few practice wigs before hand). i knew what i was doing and i cut it exactly how i wanted although the backside was a bit messy, i asked my mother to trim it for me instead she cut off my bangs and a bit more. i was clearly upset as it's not what i asked for, i understand it was my fault for talking to my sibling as my mom was cutting my hair and i wasn't paying attention. though she had offered to bring me to a salon to get it professionally cut into a pixie cut, i was upset and claimed i didn't want a pixie cut but after a while of cooling down i decided to shave my hair fully off. i have been losing a lot of my hair as is, so i figured just cutting it fully off would give me a break from dealing with it and if super needed i could always buy a wig. my boyfriend helped my shave my hair fully off, while supporting me through it as since we have been together my hair was always a major thing i loved. but when i got home my mother blew up on me and wont speak to me at all, i don't feel like i'm in the wrong for shaving my hair off. my family knows of my hair loss and has tried supporting me through it as it has made me very upset the last few month, although my siblings are on my side as clearly you can see many spots where there hasn't been hair in a while on my head; my mother still dismisses me not acknowledge my existence. aita? [/INST] nta. it is your hair and not your mother's. she has no right to tell you what to do with it. </s>
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AITA - am i the asshole for not letting my friend crash at my flat at 4am?
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last weekend, i went out clubbing with my friends and at 4am, we decided it was time to head home. now i flat quite close to town, and let my friends crash in my lounge all the time because everyone else lives a 20+ minute drive away and ubers are expensive. while my friends hadnt asked to crash this particular night, i just assumed everyone wanted to. on our walk home, one of my friends and i got into a playful argument. during this argument, that same friend called me a bitch. this upset me and i asked him to apologise. he refused to and told me that i was making a big deal out of nothing, and that i was acting like a bitch.
i refused to let go out of the subject, and i wanted an apology. he continued to be very angry and yelling at me, telling me to shut the fuck up and listen. we were only halfway home at this point, and i didn’t want him crashing at my flat if he wasn’t willing to apologise for saying hurtful things so i told him that until he apologised, he wasnt going to be able to crash at my flat. i then walked off by myself home.
my other friends ended up coming back to the flat, knocking on the door asking to be let in and i let them in. i went into my room and was about to go to bed, when i heard the front door open and close. i went into the lounge and saw that they had let him into the house and he was getting ready for bed. i reiterated that unless he was willing to apologise, he was not going to stay at my flat. he told me to get fucked, and slammed the front door on his way out. i didnt want him to be without a bed for the night, but he really hurt me.
my other friend came up to talk to me and was like he is your friend at the end of the day. i know this and i reiterated that i didnt want him to be without a bed, and all he needs to do to be able to crash at the flat is apologise to me. the friend brought him back into the flat on the premise that he would apologise. he didnt. instead he came in, and started yelling at me to get fucked and that i was treating him like shit. he threw back in my face that he defends me when people talk shit about me, and he claimed to be the only one who loves me unconditionally. he told me that he hopes i feel like shit and then slammed the door again.
i went to bed, but not before texting a mutual friend, asking them to check if he was okay.
that was 5 days ago, and i hadnt heard anything from him so i decided to message him today saying i hope we can talk. he replied back saying that i need to sort out my shit, and what i did was fucked. am i really the asshole here?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v3724t/aita_am_i_the_asshole_for_not_letting_my_friend/
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2022-06-02 11:50:00
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nta. it's your flat, you're not obligated to have anyone there. i'm not sure a 4am argument should be taken this seriously, but i wasn't there.
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sorry to say, but that guy aint your friend.
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nta. you drew a healthy boundary of respect and he not only stomped across it, he dropped trou and shat on it.
literally all he had to do was apologise for an ill spoken word. that's it. just a simple thing between friends, but it's suddenly a huge deal that you slam doors and scream expletives over? you don't want that in your house. or life.
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nta,
all he had to do was say: "i al sorry for calling you a slut"
can't do that? not really a friend.
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sounds like a bit of a drunken drama, but nta. you requested an apology, friend refused. you weren’t asking for much
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info: why did he call you a bitch? you skipped the contents of the argument.
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if he really loved you unconditionally, then he would have no problem apologizing. nta.
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nta. sounds like classic "nice guy" behaviour. they don't like being called out on their shit.
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nta but also not the time to have that kind of conversation when drunk. would have been better if you confronted him the next day because for all we know he might have apologized when sober but now thinks you’re the shitty friend because you didn’t let him stay over. just seems like this whole situation could have been handled better when sober.
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absolutely nta. if someone treats you some way when they’re drunk there’s nothing stopping them doing the same when they’re sober.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: last weekend, i went out clubbing with my friends and at 4am, we decided it was time to head home. now i flat quite close to town, and let my friends crash in my lounge all the time because everyone else lives a 20+ minute drive away and ubers are expensive. while my friends hadnt asked to crash this particular night, i just assumed everyone wanted to. on our walk home, one of my friends and i got into a playful argument. during this argument, that same friend called me a bitch. this upset me and i asked him to apologise. he refused to and told me that i was making a big deal out of nothing, and that i was acting like a bitch. i refused to let go out of the subject, and i wanted an apology. he continued to be very angry and yelling at me, telling me to shut the fuck up and listen. we were only halfway home at this point, and i didn’t want him crashing at my flat if he wasn’t willing to apologise for saying hurtful things so i told him that until he apologised, he wasnt going to be able to crash at my flat. i then walked off by myself home. my other friends ended up coming back to the flat, knocking on the door asking to be let in and i let them in. i went into my room and was about to go to bed, when i heard the front door open and close. i went into the lounge and saw that they had let him into the house and he was getting ready for bed. i reiterated that unless he was willing to apologise, he was not going to stay at my flat. he told me to get fucked, and slammed the front door on his way out. i didnt want him to be without a bed for the night, but he really hurt me. my other friend came up to talk to me and was like he is your friend at the end of the day. i know this and i reiterated that i didnt want him to be without a bed, and all he needs to do to be able to crash at the flat is apologise to me. the friend brought him back into the flat on the premise that he would apologise. he didnt. instead he came in, and started yelling at me to get fucked and that i was treating him like shit. he threw back in my face that he defends me when people talk shit about me, and he claimed to be the only one who loves me unconditionally. he told me that he hopes i feel like shit and then slammed the door again. i went to bed, but not before texting a mutual friend, asking them to check if he was okay. that was 5 days ago, and i hadnt heard anything from him so i decided to message him today saying i hope we can talk. he replied back saying that i need to sort out my shit, and what i did was fucked. am i really the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
last weekend, i went out clubbing with my friends and at 4am, we decided it was time to head home. now i flat quite close to town, and let my friends crash in my lounge all the time because everyone else lives a 20+ minute drive away and ubers are expensive. while my friends hadnt asked to crash this particular night, i just assumed everyone wanted to. on our walk home, one of my friends and i got into a playful argument. during this argument, that same friend called me a bitch. this upset me and i asked him to apologise. he refused to and told me that i was making a big deal out of nothing, and that i was acting like a bitch. i refused to let go out of the subject, and i wanted an apology. he continued to be very angry and yelling at me, telling me to shut the fuck up and listen. we were only halfway home at this point, and i didn’t want him crashing at my flat if he wasn’t willing to apologise for saying hurtful things so i told him that until he apologised, he wasnt going to be able to crash at my flat. i then walked off by myself home. my other friends ended up coming back to the flat, knocking on the door asking to be let in and i let them in. i went into my room and was about to go to bed, when i heard the front door open and close. i went into the lounge and saw that they had let him into the house and he was getting ready for bed. i reiterated that unless he was willing to apologise, he was not going to stay at my flat. he told me to get fucked, and slammed the front door on his way out. i didnt want him to be without a bed for the night, but he really hurt me. my other friend came up to talk to me and was like he is your friend at the end of the day. i know this and i reiterated that i didnt want him to be without a bed, and all he needs to do to be able to crash at the flat is apologise to me. the friend brought him back into the flat on the premise that he would apologise. he didnt. instead he came in, and started yelling at me to get fucked and that i was treating him like shit. he threw back in my face that he defends me when people talk shit about me, and he claimed to be the only one who loves me unconditionally. he told me that he hopes i feel like shit and then slammed the door again. i went to bed, but not before texting a mutual friend, asking them to check if he was okay. that was 5 days ago, and i hadnt heard anything from him so i decided to message him today saying i hope we can talk. he replied back saying that i need to sort out my shit, and what i did was fucked. am i really the asshole here? [/INST] nta. it's your flat, you're not obligated to have anyone there. i'm not sure a 4am argument should be taken this seriously, but i wasn't there. </s>
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AITA for telling my stepmom to "be more specific next time"?
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just happened.
i am watching football and my stepmom came up to me to tell me to put these toys back in a box. my dad came in the living room and asked me if i wanted to eat. i told him no and continued to try and get the toys back in the box. they fit in a very specific way and i couldn't figure it out. i decided to just go out in the kitchen to eat but my dad said he ate my slice since i said i didn't want any. i didn't complain. i just said it was a misunderstanding and said i would get something else to eat later. my stepmom said, "be more specific next time" pretty sarcastically and told me to put the toys back in the box before i left.
i decided to just jam all of the toys into the box. i handed her the box and she said "seriously?" i said, "you said to put them in the box so i did. be more specific next time" and smiled. she angrily said, "put them back the way they go" and i complied. i told her it was just a joke based on what she said to me 3 minutes before but she started going on and on about how she can say things i can't and if i don't like it then i need to move out. i pay rent, cable, and contribute elsewhere when needed but can't afford to live on my own. aita for making a joke?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dufbg2/aita_for_telling_my_stepmom_to_be_more_specific/
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2019-11-10 18:38:46
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esh. you and your stepmom sound like petty children. grow up.
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esh
> i decided to just jam all of the toys into the box. i handed her the box
you're being an asshole. you said you didn't want to eat and you're being petulant because you didn't mean precisely what you communicated. expressing that dramatically clearly missed the mark. you did help and complete things properly, but you didn't need to go there.
>she started going on and on about how she can say things i can't and if i don't like it then i need to move out.
your stepmom is hypocritical and rude. that's ridiculous behaviour from one adult to another. shame on her.
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nta. it’s not wrong to make jokes though this seems on the border of passive aggressive sarcasm to me.
just pick your battles better. is she normally open to joking around? seems like this is not the first time and joking around with her is not worth it.
it’s worth thinking about conversations about being treated more like an adult since you are contributing to the house. but you should be prepared to also act more like an adult.
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yta. dear lord, grow up.
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what is this even? esh
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info: can i ask how old you are?
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what toys are you putting away? are they yours? your step moms? who was playing with the toys?
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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INFO
| null | null | null | null | 0.353898 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: just happened. i am watching football and my stepmom came up to me to tell me to put these toys back in a box. my dad came in the living room and asked me if i wanted to eat. i told him no and continued to try and get the toys back in the box. they fit in a very specific way and i couldn't figure it out. i decided to just go out in the kitchen to eat but my dad said he ate my slice since i said i didn't want any. i didn't complain. i just said it was a misunderstanding and said i would get something else to eat later. my stepmom said, "be more specific next time" pretty sarcastically and told me to put the toys back in the box before i left. i decided to just jam all of the toys into the box. i handed her the box and she said "seriously?" i said, "you said to put them in the box so i did. be more specific next time" and smiled. she angrily said, "put them back the way they go" and i complied. i told her it was just a joke based on what she said to me 3 minutes before but she started going on and on about how she can say things i can't and if i don't like it then i need to move out. i pay rent, cable, and contribute elsewhere when needed but can't afford to live on my own. aita for making a joke?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
just happened. i am watching football and my stepmom came up to me to tell me to put these toys back in a box. my dad came in the living room and asked me if i wanted to eat. i told him no and continued to try and get the toys back in the box. they fit in a very specific way and i couldn't figure it out. i decided to just go out in the kitchen to eat but my dad said he ate my slice since i said i didn't want any. i didn't complain. i just said it was a misunderstanding and said i would get something else to eat later. my stepmom said, "be more specific next time" pretty sarcastically and told me to put the toys back in the box before i left. i decided to just jam all of the toys into the box. i handed her the box and she said "seriously?" i said, "you said to put them in the box so i did. be more specific next time" and smiled. she angrily said, "put them back the way they go" and i complied. i told her it was just a joke based on what she said to me 3 minutes before but she started going on and on about how she can say things i can't and if i don't like it then i need to move out. i pay rent, cable, and contribute elsewhere when needed but can't afford to live on my own. aita for making a joke? [/INST] esh. you and your stepmom sound like petty children. grow up. </s>
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AITA for telling my boyfriend I don’t want him cosleeping with his toddler in our bed?
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i (22f) bought my boyfriend (25m) and i a brand new king size bed last september because we had been sharing his full size bed and it just was not working out well. i had to finance it and it is in only my name and i’m the only one making payments so in all senses, it’s mine.
my boyfriend has a 3 year old son and i love him to pieces. the only thing is that when he sleeps, he sweats puddles. it doesn’t matter if the house is at 68f or 72f, he will wake up and himself and all his bedding will be drenched in sweat. because of this, i don’t want him sleeping in our bed. when the new bed was delivered, we moved our old bed into toddlers room and upgraded him from his toddler bed to the full size bed. we even took him to the store and let him pick out an entire new set of bedding. my boyfriend runs cold and he seems to think his son does as well, which he doesn’t. but my boyfriend sometimes cranks the heater up to 75 when his son is at our house, which only makes toddler sweat even more.
many times since we got the new bed i have come home from long days at work desperately ready to crawl into bed only to find my boyfriend and toddler asleep in our bed and of course, the toddler is in my spot and my side is drenched in sweat. i think that it’s disgusting and my boyfriend thinks it’s no big deal. i have continually asked him to please not put toddler to sleep in our bed and he keeps doing it. this most recent time, i told him that i’m the one that bought the bed and is paying nearly $3k for it so i don’t feel that it’s unreasonable for me to request that toddler sleeps in his own bed. he got upset with me and told me that sometimes cosleeping is the only way to get him to go to sleep, which i fully understand. but i don’t understand why he has to do it in our bed when toddler has a huge bed of his own that he could cosleep with him in.
this most recent time my boyfriend has taken to sleeping in his sons bed night after night as “it’s not my bed so why would i sleep in it?” and refuses to come sleep in our room.
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sozb2h/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_i_dont_want_him/
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2022-02-10 06:02:17
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nta, that’s gross and i feel for you. i sweat in bed occasionally and literally gross myself out.
you guys definitely should have discussed this before you spent so much on this bed. i can’t say he “should” be doing anything though, cause that’s his kid.. that’s like kind of part of the deal..
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nta but sweating that much isn't normal. please take the kid to a doctor. it could be a sign of an infection.
your bf is also being ridiculous and unreasonable. mattresses can mold and mildew if they get wet. sleeping on mold can make you very sick. it's also not always safe to cosleep. by continuing to do it, your bf is making it harder for his child to sleep any other way.
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nta. your boyfriend is too dense to understand you. you’ve nicely asked him and he’s refused.
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nta
toddlers wet the bed. toddlers puke in the bed. they come to bed dirty and they often sneak and spill snacks and drinks. it's not unreasonable to ask that your boyfriend not put a toddler on top of a brand new mattress.
i'd offer a compromise though. if your boyfriend is willing to strip the bed, put on a waterproof mattress protector, and remake it when his son is over, and ensures you that he'll replace any ruined bedding, then he can cosleep on your mattress. but if he's not willing to put in the work to be reasonable about it, he shouldn't get to make you uncomfortable and mistreat your property.
also, boyfriend sounds like he doesn't respect your boundaries and is extremely immature. maybe some couples counseling.
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nta your boyfriend sounds selfish
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nta. nest time this happens, tell your boyfriend that he gets to sleep in the wet spot. he'll change quickly enough.
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nta:
it is gross to crawl into bed and finding out that it’s wet. if your husband doesn’t think it’s gross then he can sleep on the wet spot and you sleep on the dry area.
you are the one paying for the bed. not him. if he wants to cosleep with his kid he can do it in the kids bed.
i use to go sleep with my mom as a kid. it started off as a one time thing and slowly became a everyday thing. if he continues cosleeping with his kid then the kid is going to struggle with sleeping on his own.
let him sleep in the kids bed. he is just trying to manipulate you with the comment about, “it’s not my bed so why would i sleep in it.” he knows the reason you don’t want the kid in the bed. he is twisting your words.
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nta. why is he always on your side of the bed though? its a king, i have to imagine theres enough room to have him on the other side of your boyfriend? then wouldn’t it like…not be an issue?
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nta but it seems like your relationship is not mature enough to talk about things in a constructive way. you both are very young, he has a 3 year old at 25 witch makes him a really young dad and he is trying to combine parenting with a new relationship. plus the little boy is 3, already experienced a breakup and a new girlfriend with dad. that is a lot! so i’m not surprised that you are fighting. things are not really equal, you are homeless if you break up, he has a kid to take care of, and an ex and girlfriend who are not on speaking terms.
i really don’t see how this is going to work out fine. the kid deserves to live somewhere without people fighting over him, he is 3 years old and his parents already broke up. that alone is enough to mess a child up. you are nta but he deserves to sleep without people fighting about where he sleeps or about how to raise him
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (22f) bought my boyfriend (25m) and i a brand new king size bed last september because we had been sharing his full size bed and it just was not working out well. i had to finance it and it is in only my name and i’m the only one making payments so in all senses, it’s mine. my boyfriend has a 3 year old son and i love him to pieces. the only thing is that when he sleeps, he sweats puddles. it doesn’t matter if the house is at 68f or 72f, he will wake up and himself and all his bedding will be drenched in sweat. because of this, i don’t want him sleeping in our bed. when the new bed was delivered, we moved our old bed into toddlers room and upgraded him from his toddler bed to the full size bed. we even took him to the store and let him pick out an entire new set of bedding. my boyfriend runs cold and he seems to think his son does as well, which he doesn’t. but my boyfriend sometimes cranks the heater up to 75 when his son is at our house, which only makes toddler sweat even more. many times since we got the new bed i have come home from long days at work desperately ready to crawl into bed only to find my boyfriend and toddler asleep in our bed and of course, the toddler is in my spot and my side is drenched in sweat. i think that it’s disgusting and my boyfriend thinks it’s no big deal. i have continually asked him to please not put toddler to sleep in our bed and he keeps doing it. this most recent time, i told him that i’m the one that bought the bed and is paying nearly $3k for it so i don’t feel that it’s unreasonable for me to request that toddler sleeps in his own bed. he got upset with me and told me that sometimes cosleeping is the only way to get him to go to sleep, which i fully understand. but i don’t understand why he has to do it in our bed when toddler has a huge bed of his own that he could cosleep with him in. this most recent time my boyfriend has taken to sleeping in his sons bed night after night as “it’s not my bed so why would i sleep in it?” and refuses to come sleep in our room.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) bought my boyfriend (25m) and i a brand new king size bed last september because we had been sharing his full size bed and it just was not working out well. i had to finance it and it is in only my name and i’m the only one making payments so in all senses, it’s mine. my boyfriend has a 3 year old son and i love him to pieces. the only thing is that when he sleeps, he sweats puddles. it doesn’t matter if the house is at 68f or 72f, he will wake up and himself and all his bedding will be drenched in sweat. because of this, i don’t want him sleeping in our bed. when the new bed was delivered, we moved our old bed into toddlers room and upgraded him from his toddler bed to the full size bed. we even took him to the store and let him pick out an entire new set of bedding. my boyfriend runs cold and he seems to think his son does as well, which he doesn’t. but my boyfriend sometimes cranks the heater up to 75 when his son is at our house, which only makes toddler sweat even more. many times since we got the new bed i have come home from long days at work desperately ready to crawl into bed only to find my boyfriend and toddler asleep in our bed and of course, the toddler is in my spot and my side is drenched in sweat. i think that it’s disgusting and my boyfriend thinks it’s no big deal. i have continually asked him to please not put toddler to sleep in our bed and he keeps doing it. this most recent time, i told him that i’m the one that bought the bed and is paying nearly $3k for it so i don’t feel that it’s unreasonable for me to request that toddler sleeps in his own bed. he got upset with me and told me that sometimes cosleeping is the only way to get him to go to sleep, which i fully understand. but i don’t understand why he has to do it in our bed when toddler has a huge bed of his own that he could cosleep with him in. this most recent time my boyfriend has taken to sleeping in his sons bed night after night as “it’s not my bed so why would i sleep in it?” and refuses to come sleep in our room. [/INST] nta, that’s gross and i feel for you. i sweat in bed occasionally and literally gross myself out. you guys definitely should have discussed this before you spent so much on this bed. i can’t say he “should” be doing anything though, cause that’s his kid.. that’s like kind of part of the deal.. </s>
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AITA if I don’t allow my mom to see my son before she moves away?
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firstly, i want to apologize for formatting since i am on mobile and i only felt comfortable posting this on my anonymous account due to the information i am about to give.
i guess i will start it off by giving some back story. i had a rocky childhood... mostly in part to my mother. she and my father divorced when i was eight and the day she left my father for the last time she already had a boyfriend. this started a revolving door a boyfriends. my mother has horrible taste in men and is one of those women that adapts to like whatever they like. with the first boyfriend, steve, that was drinking and smoking crack. steve lasted a few months and then she was on the the next guy. we were never stable... i had 3 siblings and we moved 9 times in 3 years. she even had an affair with her married cousin at one point. which was made clear since they would have sex very loudly in her room every morning and i would have to turn the cartoons up for my siblings not to hear. eventually the partying caught up with her and we got evicted from our apartment... she packed all of mine and my siblings things into trash bags and pleaded with my father to take us which he did. my father became tired of her shenanigans and knew it was in our best interest to try to get full custody of us. when my mother found out she kidnapped us and we hid from the police for a few days before they found us. after my father got us back, my mom quickly found a boyfriend and moved in with him. my dad always let us see my mom for visitation but one night we went over there and my mom said she was moving to florida and she left the next day...
cue 3 years of almost no contact from my mother. she maybe called a handful of times... and one of those was so we could hear her marry the loser she went down there with.
eventually she moved back near us kids and married step dad number 2...
now she is getting divorced from step dad number 2 and the day they separated she was already fooling around with a meth head she has known since before i was born... well he got to be too rowdy so now she is with his best friend and they have decided to move back to florida.
i usually tell people i don’t love my mom... i don’t even like her. but my siblings all still have strong relationships with her and even went to live with her after she came back... i was the only one to stay with my dad. i have kept the relationship i have with her going for them.
i have a child... i have worked so hard to build my life up from my “trailer park” history. most people when they realize my background are shocked because i don’t seem like “that type of girl”. my husband and i provide a very stable and comfortable life for my kiddo but that means i have had to drop people from my life that would have endangered that. whether that be old friends or family, it doesn’t matter.
so reddit, wibta if i refused to let my mother see my son before she takes off again, for god only knows how long, to florida?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/clve3z/aita_if_i_dont_allow_my_mom_to_see_my_son_before/
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2019-08-04 11:37:56
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nta - only you can decide, as the mother of your child, which adults are good influences for him. you have the right to turn away anyone that you feel might not be a safe or smart decision. i'm sorry your mom hasn't been a positive influence in your life - but if she can't be a positive one for you, it's unlikely she will be for him. best of luck.
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nta
your mother made the decision(s) to destroy whatever relationship you two would have had multiple times over your life. the instability, no contact, drugs, and shitty male “role models” she paraded through your life means you owe her nothing.
she doesn’t sound like the type of person i would want in my children’s lives... so i wouldn’t blame you for not wanting her in your child’s life.
keep doing you. provide the best and most stable life you can for your family. it’s what every parent should want, a better life for your kid that what you had.
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nta at all. she's not the kind of influence you want in your son's life, and there is no requirement for you to let her see him. her wants are not part of the equation.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: firstly, i want to apologize for formatting since i am on mobile and i only felt comfortable posting this on my anonymous account due to the information i am about to give. i guess i will start it off by giving some back story. i had a rocky childhood... mostly in part to my mother. she and my father divorced when i was eight and the day she left my father for the last time she already had a boyfriend. this started a revolving door a boyfriends. my mother has horrible taste in men and is one of those women that adapts to like whatever they like. with the first boyfriend, steve, that was drinking and smoking crack. steve lasted a few months and then she was on the the next guy. we were never stable... i had 3 siblings and we moved 9 times in 3 years. she even had an affair with her married cousin at one point. which was made clear since they would have sex very loudly in her room every morning and i would have to turn the cartoons up for my siblings not to hear. eventually the partying caught up with her and we got evicted from our apartment... she packed all of mine and my siblings things into trash bags and pleaded with my father to take us which he did. my father became tired of her shenanigans and knew it was in our best interest to try to get full custody of us. when my mother found out she kidnapped us and we hid from the police for a few days before they found us. after my father got us back, my mom quickly found a boyfriend and moved in with him. my dad always let us see my mom for visitation but one night we went over there and my mom said she was moving to florida and she left the next day... cue 3 years of almost no contact from my mother. she maybe called a handful of times... and one of those was so we could hear her marry the loser she went down there with. eventually she moved back near us kids and married step dad number 2... now she is getting divorced from step dad number 2 and the day they separated she was already fooling around with a meth head she has known since before i was born... well he got to be too rowdy so now she is with his best friend and they have decided to move back to florida. i usually tell people i don’t love my mom... i don’t even like her. but my siblings all still have strong relationships with her and even went to live with her after she came back... i was the only one to stay with my dad. i have kept the relationship i have with her going for them. i have a child... i have worked so hard to build my life up from my “trailer park” history. most people when they realize my background are shocked because i don’t seem like “that type of girl”. my husband and i provide a very stable and comfortable life for my kiddo but that means i have had to drop people from my life that would have endangered that. whether that be old friends or family, it doesn’t matter. so reddit, wibta if i refused to let my mother see my son before she takes off again, for god only knows how long, to florida?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
firstly, i want to apologize for formatting since i am on mobile and i only felt comfortable posting this on my anonymous account due to the information i am about to give. i guess i will start it off by giving some back story. i had a rocky childhood... mostly in part to my mother. she and my father divorced when i was eight and the day she left my father for the last time she already had a boyfriend. this started a revolving door a boyfriends. my mother has horrible taste in men and is one of those women that adapts to like whatever they like. with the first boyfriend, steve, that was drinking and smoking crack. steve lasted a few months and then she was on the the next guy. we were never stable... i had 3 siblings and we moved 9 times in 3 years. she even had an affair with her married cousin at one point. which was made clear since they would have sex very loudly in her room every morning and i would have to turn the cartoons up for my siblings not to hear. eventually the partying caught up with her and we got evicted from our apartment... she packed all of mine and my siblings things into trash bags and pleaded with my father to take us which he did. my father became tired of her shenanigans and knew it was in our best interest to try to get full custody of us. when my mother found out she kidnapped us and we hid from the police for a few days before they found us. after my father got us back, my mom quickly found a boyfriend and moved in with him. my dad always let us see my mom for visitation but one night we went over there and my mom said she was moving to florida and she left the next day... cue 3 years of almost no contact from my mother. she maybe called a handful of times... and one of those was so we could hear her marry the loser she went down there with. eventually she moved back near us kids and married step dad number 2... now she is getting divorced from step dad number 2 and the day they separated she was already fooling around with a meth head she has known since before i was born... well he got to be too rowdy so now she is with his best friend and they have decided to move back to florida. i usually tell people i don’t love my mom... i don’t even like her. but my siblings all still have strong relationships with her and even went to live with her after she came back... i was the only one to stay with my dad. i have kept the relationship i have with her going for them. i have a child... i have worked so hard to build my life up from my “trailer park” history. most people when they realize my background are shocked because i don’t seem like “that type of girl”. my husband and i provide a very stable and comfortable life for my kiddo but that means i have had to drop people from my life that would have endangered that. whether that be old friends or family, it doesn’t matter. so reddit, wibta if i refused to let my mother see my son before she takes off again, for god only knows how long, to florida? [/INST] nta - only you can decide, as the mother of your child, which adults are good influences for him. you have the right to turn away anyone that you feel might not be a safe or smart decision. i'm sorry your mom hasn't been a positive influence in your life - but if she can't be a positive one for you, it's unlikely she will be for him. best of luck. </s>
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AITA for not having much for my kids to play with?
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i'm 26f, my kids are twins, 7f/m, john and jill. they're great kids, and i couldn't ask for better. 5 months ago, we lost the house that i inherited from my grandmother in a housefire. we were out of the house at the time, and luckily so was our cat so we all were physically unharmed. our house and everything in it was destroyed and in hindsight, i should have gotten insurance but never did.
i've been renting a 2bed/1bath for the past few months, but i've had to furnish it myself. i've prioritised the important things first. beds, dining table, the basics. i've managed to pick up a few toys/books for the kids along the way but nothing extravagant and i won't lie, i stick them in front of the tv far too much.
my brother lives in canada and he came back home to visit for the first time in a few years. he can be a judgemental ass at times, so we don't speak much, but he came to visit me and the kids in our new place (he knows about the situation) the other day and needless to say he was appalled.
he was asking why the kids don't have toys and why none of us have a bedframe and why i'm living like were poor. i said he knows damn well why were living like this and that its the best i've been able to do after losing everything we had.
he said i should be prioritising my kids happiness over anything else, and if making sure they're happy is so difficult i shouldn't have them. i told him my kids are happy, pointed out what they do have, and to get the fuck out of my house if he's going to be acting like a dick within earshot of the kids.
before he left, he turned to my kids and said, "i'm sorry your mommy is making you unhappy,". he texted later and told me he'd help me find somewhere "more affordable" to live so i can get my kids somewhere decent to sleep and something to play with they won't get bored of in 5 minutes.
he's making it seem like i'm neglecting my children and like i'm a terrible mother and it's genuinely got me wondering if i'm being an asshole by not providing them with more, despite not having the means to. aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vnnube/aita_for_not_having_much_for_my_kids_to_play_with/
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2022-06-29 19:21:32
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nta
your brother sure is though.
does he have no idea what you've been through?
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nta. i wouldn’t want a dime from an ah like that. kids don’t need “things” to be happy. they just need time with you and the basics.
like seriously, my kids have fun with a shoebox or some rocks. they don’t need much.
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nta
your kids ‘happiness’ does not come before their basic needs such as food, water, clothes on their backs, food on the table and a roof over their heads.
you lost everything in a single second, and you’re doing the best you can. you are not a terrible mother
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1. please tell me you at least have renters insurance now
2. kids need a loving and safe home first. you are starting to rebuild with that. you are doing the right thing. toys are nice, but lot of things can be toys. use the furniture you have to build forts, go to the park, there are a ton of instagram accounts with ideas inexpensive activities! (my kids are younger, but we like @mothercould)
if you want things for your kids, try facebook marketplace or nextdoor. ive gotten a ton of free kids (and home) stuff from there!
nta
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nta. kids can live without toys and bed frames for a while. a safe house is more important. your brother, if he was truly so worried should hav e bought the kids some toys and bed frames if he was so concerned. do you still have land from where the house fire was? can you borrow against the land value to build a new house? or sell the land and buy elsewhere?
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um, no. nta. you prioritize your family's needs first. you brother is a major ah.
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nta. it's not that you're not buying stuff for your kids; *you lost everything in a fire*. they need a bed and food more than they need action figures. i wouldn't invite that brother back again.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm 26f, my kids are twins, 7f/m, john and jill. they're great kids, and i couldn't ask for better. 5 months ago, we lost the house that i inherited from my grandmother in a housefire. we were out of the house at the time, and luckily so was our cat so we all were physically unharmed. our house and everything in it was destroyed and in hindsight, i should have gotten insurance but never did. i've been renting a 2bed/1bath for the past few months, but i've had to furnish it myself. i've prioritised the important things first. beds, dining table, the basics. i've managed to pick up a few toys/books for the kids along the way but nothing extravagant and i won't lie, i stick them in front of the tv far too much. my brother lives in canada and he came back home to visit for the first time in a few years. he can be a judgemental ass at times, so we don't speak much, but he came to visit me and the kids in our new place (he knows about the situation) the other day and needless to say he was appalled. he was asking why the kids don't have toys and why none of us have a bedframe and why i'm living like were poor. i said he knows damn well why were living like this and that its the best i've been able to do after losing everything we had. he said i should be prioritising my kids happiness over anything else, and if making sure they're happy is so difficult i shouldn't have them. i told him my kids are happy, pointed out what they do have, and to get the fuck out of my house if he's going to be acting like a dick within earshot of the kids. before he left, he turned to my kids and said, "i'm sorry your mommy is making you unhappy,". he texted later and told me he'd help me find somewhere "more affordable" to live so i can get my kids somewhere decent to sleep and something to play with they won't get bored of in 5 minutes. he's making it seem like i'm neglecting my children and like i'm a terrible mother and it's genuinely got me wondering if i'm being an asshole by not providing them with more, despite not having the means to. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm 26f, my kids are twins, 7f/m, john and jill. they're great kids, and i couldn't ask for better. 5 months ago, we lost the house that i inherited from my grandmother in a housefire. we were out of the house at the time, and luckily so was our cat so we all were physically unharmed. our house and everything in it was destroyed and in hindsight, i should have gotten insurance but never did. i've been renting a 2bed/1bath for the past few months, but i've had to furnish it myself. i've prioritised the important things first. beds, dining table, the basics. i've managed to pick up a few toys/books for the kids along the way but nothing extravagant and i won't lie, i stick them in front of the tv far too much. my brother lives in canada and he came back home to visit for the first time in a few years. he can be a judgemental ass at times, so we don't speak much, but he came to visit me and the kids in our new place (he knows about the situation) the other day and needless to say he was appalled. he was asking why the kids don't have toys and why none of us have a bedframe and why i'm living like were poor. i said he knows damn well why were living like this and that its the best i've been able to do after losing everything we had. he said i should be prioritising my kids happiness over anything else, and if making sure they're happy is so difficult i shouldn't have them. i told him my kids are happy, pointed out what they do have, and to get the fuck out of my house if he's going to be acting like a dick within earshot of the kids. before he left, he turned to my kids and said, "i'm sorry your mommy is making you unhappy,". he texted later and told me he'd help me find somewhere "more affordable" to live so i can get my kids somewhere decent to sleep and something to play with they won't get bored of in 5 minutes. he's making it seem like i'm neglecting my children and like i'm a terrible mother and it's genuinely got me wondering if i'm being an asshole by not providing them with more, despite not having the means to. aita? [/INST] nta your brother sure is though. does he have no idea what you've been through? </s>
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WIBTA if I bring non-vegan food to a meet up with a vegan?
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a friend of mine (joe) is moving to a new state later this week and he’s recently become vegan. we have a meet up tonight with a few other friends to say goodbye and joe wants everyone to order from this new vegan restaurant he’s been wanting to try out before he leaves. the problem is that i don’t like a lot of vegan food (and am allergic to nuts) and really would rather bring my own, but it’ll likely contain meat or dairy. i also won’t have time to eat beforehand.
the last time we hung out, a few of us wanted to get ice cream and he kind of freaked out, so i’m worried he might get upset, but i need to eat! i’m not gonna be totally rude and bring a large steak or one of those cooked chickens from the grocery store, but i’m definitely considering mac and cheese or tacos.
so reddit, wibta?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p6528y/wibta_if_i_bring_nonvegan_food_to_a_meet_up_with/
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2021-08-17 14:37:00
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nta
lifelong vegetarian here, this is not an ah move. you’re not trying to trick him into eating animal products or taking him to a steakhouse.
also, with a nut allergy ordering from a vegan restaurant is a huge risk for you. you ending up in the hospital will put a much larger damper on the evening than you quietly eating your mac and cheese.
i know a lot of vegans who don’t like to put their money into the animal industry, but you aren’t asking him to do that either.
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nah yet. let joe know that you’ve looked at the menu and it’s not really allergy friendly, so you will likely bring a non-vegan meal for yourself. if he reacts poorly, then he’d be the ah.
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nah.
joe is a vegan and wants his celebration to be vegan. the vegan restaurant doesn't work for your allergy (nuts). i would say, can you bring a vegan (or even vegetarian) meal instead of one with meat and dairy? like if you brought pasta with red sauce (any pasta dish really), or something that has little to no dairy in it, then you are at least respecting his vegan preferences while making sure you have food you can eat.
i say that any person can be vegan for one meal (i am not a vegan or vegetarian) but if the vegan choice doesn't work with your allergy, then bring your own food, but you can even keep that vegan.
just tell joe you can't eat there because of your nut allergy and you need to bring something else, the end.
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you are nta. if you’re not eating at the restaurant, you’re under no obligation to eat anything from there. bring what you want. he can kick rocks if he doesn’t like it. let him freak out. if he’s so interested in policing people’s life choices, he more of a zealot than a friend.
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mac and cheese is safe bet becaus taco is to obvious nta btw
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info: are we talking take out or eat in a restaurant?
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info - did you look at the restaurant menu already, and you wouldn't eat anything on it?
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nta because of your dietary restriction. tell your friend beforehand that you have an allergy and don't want to risk getting sick so you'll be bringing your own food, that way he'll have time preparing for it and hopefully won't freak out
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nta: you shouldn't even need to ask this.
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nta but would at least kept things vegetarian to stay in the spirit of what he is asking and if he complaines explain you nut allergy and risk if cross contamination when looking at the menu. it's no different than a vegan bringing there own safe food to an event. make it about allergies and he will not really have a leg to stand on.
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.036 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a friend of mine (joe) is moving to a new state later this week and he’s recently become vegan. we have a meet up tonight with a few other friends to say goodbye and joe wants everyone to order from this new vegan restaurant he’s been wanting to try out before he leaves. the problem is that i don’t like a lot of vegan food (and am allergic to nuts) and really would rather bring my own, but it’ll likely contain meat or dairy. i also won’t have time to eat beforehand. the last time we hung out, a few of us wanted to get ice cream and he kind of freaked out, so i’m worried he might get upset, but i need to eat! i’m not gonna be totally rude and bring a large steak or one of those cooked chickens from the grocery store, but i’m definitely considering mac and cheese or tacos. so reddit, wibta?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a friend of mine (joe) is moving to a new state later this week and he’s recently become vegan. we have a meet up tonight with a few other friends to say goodbye and joe wants everyone to order from this new vegan restaurant he’s been wanting to try out before he leaves. the problem is that i don’t like a lot of vegan food (and am allergic to nuts) and really would rather bring my own, but it’ll likely contain meat or dairy. i also won’t have time to eat beforehand. the last time we hung out, a few of us wanted to get ice cream and he kind of freaked out, so i’m worried he might get upset, but i need to eat! i’m not gonna be totally rude and bring a large steak or one of those cooked chickens from the grocery store, but i’m definitely considering mac and cheese or tacos. so reddit, wibta? [/INST] nta lifelong vegetarian here, this is not an ah move. you’re not trying to trick him into eating animal products or taking him to a steakhouse. also, with a nut allergy ordering from a vegan restaurant is a huge risk for you. you ending up in the hospital will put a much larger damper on the evening than you quietly eating your mac and cheese. i know a lot of vegans who don’t like to put their money into the animal industry, but you aren’t asking him to do that either. </s>
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AITA for unfollowing my mom’s ex-friend on Instagram?
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my mom used to be best friends with a woman, “c”, for several years. about a year back, they got into a series of disagreements and broke off all contact. c blocked my mom and dad on instagram, facebook, etc. however, i (16f) was following c on instagram at the time, and i think she may have forgotten that i follow her, and thus, didn’t block me. my mom told me not to unfollow her, and now uses my instagram account to see what her friend is posting, often taking my phone and studying her posts for a long time in great detail. this was really starting to bother me- both the “spying” on her friend and her overuse of my instagram account, so i unfollowed c. she has a private account, so she would notice if i started to follow her again, and i don’t think she would accept me. my mom got really mad and said that i was being unreasonable. aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ew0a9t/aita_for_unfollowing_my_moms_exfriend_on_instagram/
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2020-01-30 05:15:57
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nta - mom is being a weird stalker and needs to be told that.
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nta - tell her it’s not unreasonable to unfollow someone you’re not interested in anymore.
stalking via your daughters instagram is tho.
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nta
that's your personal account and it's pretty creepy that your own mother would take advantage of you to as you say "spy" on her ex-friend.
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sounds like your moms the asshole.
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nta, your mom is a little bizarre haha
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nta. your mom needs to let go and move on.
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this is very weird. nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom used to be best friends with a woman, “c”, for several years. about a year back, they got into a series of disagreements and broke off all contact. c blocked my mom and dad on instagram, facebook, etc. however, i (16f) was following c on instagram at the time, and i think she may have forgotten that i follow her, and thus, didn’t block me. my mom told me not to unfollow her, and now uses my instagram account to see what her friend is posting, often taking my phone and studying her posts for a long time in great detail. this was really starting to bother me- both the “spying” on her friend and her overuse of my instagram account, so i unfollowed c. she has a private account, so she would notice if i started to follow her again, and i don’t think she would accept me. my mom got really mad and said that i was being unreasonable. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mom used to be best friends with a woman, “c”, for several years. about a year back, they got into a series of disagreements and broke off all contact. c blocked my mom and dad on instagram, facebook, etc. however, i (16f) was following c on instagram at the time, and i think she may have forgotten that i follow her, and thus, didn’t block me. my mom told me not to unfollow her, and now uses my instagram account to see what her friend is posting, often taking my phone and studying her posts for a long time in great detail. this was really starting to bother me- both the “spying” on her friend and her overuse of my instagram account, so i unfollowed c. she has a private account, so she would notice if i started to follow her again, and i don’t think she would accept me. my mom got really mad and said that i was being unreasonable. aita? [/INST] nta - mom is being a weird stalker and needs to be told that. </s>
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WIBTA for wanting to kick my sister out of my house is she doesn’t get into the military?
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my sister (20f) is living with me with her young baby as she is a single mom. i (27f) have 2 children of my own with my third on the way. she constantly asked my 7 year old to help her parent her baby, hold him, feed him, make a bottle diaper changes when i am not around and yes i have told her to do it herself. my husband is on a rotation right now and will is not here to help.
not to mention she constantly tries to send times with my two year old and pawn her baby on me (he is a lot younger not exactly “fun” yet. she will come home from work hold him for twenty minutes or until i get home and then try to get me to watch him. or just leave him playing in what ever room i’m in. even my own.
she has a job that she likes to call out of and misses her rent she promised to pay constantly because would rather go out with her friends all while i’m babysitting or taking the baby out for gosh knows how long.
she is trying to get in the military and is going to meps next month. i forsee one issue with her being able to join the military. it has to do with behavioral health (she sees a military provider so yes they will be able to see her records). she is here because i was supposed to watch her baby while she was in training.
im up to my wits end. we aren’t close as we are half siblings who didn’t get to know each other till really 3 years ago. she treats my kids badly. she across like an angsty 15 year old.
so would i be the ass hole if i remind her she’s here because she is joining the military and if she cannot get in then she needs to have her own place figured out?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tim3ap/wibta_for_wanting_to_kick_my_sister_out_of_my/
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2022-03-20 14:20:23
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nta. your house, your rules. and asking your 7 year old to look after her baby... get out of here!
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i wouldn’t say you were wrong if you wanted to ask her to leave, military or no military. she’s a mooch and is endangering your kid by making him/her look after a baby, which is actually parentification, and a form of abuse. nta.
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nta
so not concerned about the asvab test either?
has her recruiter (to your knowledge) given any indication that they know about her issues?
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if this bs about asking your seven year old to parent her baby happened a single time after the first time you told her no, get her the fuck out of your house.
there’s a ton of other issues here but that one takes the cake.
nta
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nta- she is abusing ur 7 yr old , (see parentification). sorry u r in this position.
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nta if ..is a big word that gets carried out forever. kick her out now and save yourself from misery. not your problem.
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nta your own kids needs to come first and she isn't treating them right. i would be telling her to move now if i was in your position. she is taking advantage of you.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister (20f) is living with me with her young baby as she is a single mom. i (27f) have 2 children of my own with my third on the way. she constantly asked my 7 year old to help her parent her baby, hold him, feed him, make a bottle diaper changes when i am not around and yes i have told her to do it herself. my husband is on a rotation right now and will is not here to help. not to mention she constantly tries to send times with my two year old and pawn her baby on me (he is a lot younger not exactly “fun” yet. she will come home from work hold him for twenty minutes or until i get home and then try to get me to watch him. or just leave him playing in what ever room i’m in. even my own. she has a job that she likes to call out of and misses her rent she promised to pay constantly because would rather go out with her friends all while i’m babysitting or taking the baby out for gosh knows how long. she is trying to get in the military and is going to meps next month. i forsee one issue with her being able to join the military. it has to do with behavioral health (she sees a military provider so yes they will be able to see her records). she is here because i was supposed to watch her baby while she was in training. im up to my wits end. we aren’t close as we are half siblings who didn’t get to know each other till really 3 years ago. she treats my kids badly. she across like an angsty 15 year old. so would i be the ass hole if i remind her she’s here because she is joining the military and if she cannot get in then she needs to have her own place figured out?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister (20f) is living with me with her young baby as she is a single mom. i (27f) have 2 children of my own with my third on the way. she constantly asked my 7 year old to help her parent her baby, hold him, feed him, make a bottle diaper changes when i am not around and yes i have told her to do it herself. my husband is on a rotation right now and will is not here to help. not to mention she constantly tries to send times with my two year old and pawn her baby on me (he is a lot younger not exactly “fun” yet. she will come home from work hold him for twenty minutes or until i get home and then try to get me to watch him. or just leave him playing in what ever room i’m in. even my own. she has a job that she likes to call out of and misses her rent she promised to pay constantly because would rather go out with her friends all while i’m babysitting or taking the baby out for gosh knows how long. she is trying to get in the military and is going to meps next month. i forsee one issue with her being able to join the military. it has to do with behavioral health (she sees a military provider so yes they will be able to see her records). she is here because i was supposed to watch her baby while she was in training. im up to my wits end. we aren’t close as we are half siblings who didn’t get to know each other till really 3 years ago. she treats my kids badly. she across like an angsty 15 year old. so would i be the ass hole if i remind her she’s here because she is joining the military and if she cannot get in then she needs to have her own place figured out? [/INST] nta. your house, your rules. and asking your 7 year old to look after her baby... get out of here! </s>
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AITA for leaving my job?
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so i 28f used to work with my dad 48m and grandfather (70sm) for the past 7 years. for the past year, the company isn't been doing well, and it's all because of decisions on their part. since i started working for them, i have always been the lowest paid employee, but also i am paid below the minimum wage of my country.
the salaries between the employees have a vast difference, which, in my opinion it isn't fair since the higher paid employees all day just surf the internet or come in whenever they want they are also given company cars that the get to take home in order to come to work... i don't...
i started looking for another job in the summer, and i let my dad know this 3 weeks ago. i got an offer, and i accepted , and i let my dad know about the same day...
he told me it was okay so i started at my new job yesterday.. when i was off work, i got a call from my stepmother 40f (i hadn't let her know i was leaving my dad's company) when i answered she immediately began calling me ungrateful and i should be ashamed of my self for leaving my dad on such difficult times before hunging up the phone she said in a sarcastic tone "i hope you are happy and have a nice life" i didn't say anything to her because i didn't care explaining my self to her and she wouldn't have listened anyway
so my question is, aita for leaving my dad to work somewhere else while his company is struggling
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zkt1n6/aita_for_leaving_my_job/
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2022-12-13 11:04:29
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nta. "i'm angry because i think you should continue to allow yourself to be exploited." she can do your old job for the money you were getting.
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nta. his company is struggling, yes. that's not on you. he has been getting years of under minimum wage labor. if your absence will make or break the company then he should have valued your work more.
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nta. your dad said it was fine. also if they wanted to keep you there they could have given you a raise to at least minimum wage.
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nta.
heh didn't even pay minimum wage... that could get him into even more trouble
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nta - your step mom is a hoot.
congrats on your new job! also bravo to you for being brave enough to take advantage of the opportunity.
i also hope you have a nice life. best revenge is being successful and watching other chock on it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i 28f used to work with my dad 48m and grandfather (70sm) for the past 7 years. for the past year, the company isn't been doing well, and it's all because of decisions on their part. since i started working for them, i have always been the lowest paid employee, but also i am paid below the minimum wage of my country. the salaries between the employees have a vast difference, which, in my opinion it isn't fair since the higher paid employees all day just surf the internet or come in whenever they want they are also given company cars that the get to take home in order to come to work... i don't... i started looking for another job in the summer, and i let my dad know this 3 weeks ago. i got an offer, and i accepted , and i let my dad know about the same day... he told me it was okay so i started at my new job yesterday.. when i was off work, i got a call from my stepmother 40f (i hadn't let her know i was leaving my dad's company) when i answered she immediately began calling me ungrateful and i should be ashamed of my self for leaving my dad on such difficult times before hunging up the phone she said in a sarcastic tone "i hope you are happy and have a nice life" i didn't say anything to her because i didn't care explaining my self to her and she wouldn't have listened anyway so my question is, aita for leaving my dad to work somewhere else while his company is struggling
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i 28f used to work with my dad 48m and grandfather (70sm) for the past 7 years. for the past year, the company isn't been doing well, and it's all because of decisions on their part. since i started working for them, i have always been the lowest paid employee, but also i am paid below the minimum wage of my country. the salaries between the employees have a vast difference, which, in my opinion it isn't fair since the higher paid employees all day just surf the internet or come in whenever they want they are also given company cars that the get to take home in order to come to work... i don't... i started looking for another job in the summer, and i let my dad know this 3 weeks ago. i got an offer, and i accepted , and i let my dad know about the same day... he told me it was okay so i started at my new job yesterday.. when i was off work, i got a call from my stepmother 40f (i hadn't let her know i was leaving my dad's company) when i answered she immediately began calling me ungrateful and i should be ashamed of my self for leaving my dad on such difficult times before hunging up the phone she said in a sarcastic tone "i hope you are happy and have a nice life" i didn't say anything to her because i didn't care explaining my self to her and she wouldn't have listened anyway so my question is, aita for leaving my dad to work somewhere else while his company is struggling [/INST] nta. "i'm angry because i think you should continue to allow yourself to be exploited." she can do your old job for the money you were getting. </s>
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AITA for not assuming my friend's baby?
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befores starting i want to say that i am not an native english speaker so i am trully sorry for any mistakes.
so, i have been friends with this girl for about 2.5 yrs and we became really close.
the other day i was chilling and recieved a message from her asking to talk to me.
we start talking and she tells me that she is pregnant and is planning on telling her bf that day during dinner.
i try to comfort her saying that if she ever needed anything i would help.
her bf arrives and takes her out to dinner.
she textes me saying that he didn't accept and that he left her there making her walk back home.
she gets home and i try to comfort her once again.
i get a message from her bf asking me to take care of her.
i reply saying that he shouldn't have done what he did but i would take care of her.
i go back to texting my friend and she asks me to assume the child as my own because she didn't want her bf to seem like the bad guy and she would rather been seen as a cheater.
i excuse myself and refuse. she insists but i still said no.
she gets a little bit angry at me.
i get another message form her bf saying that he is 99% sure the child is not his because he was on vacations and during that she went to the disco.
then my friend textes me saying "its all my fault" i reply saying that it isn't and that her bf played a part on it too and that things like that happen.
she says "i wasn't fully honest with you, he was on vacations the child is not his"
by now i didn't know what to say but i try to comfort her, again.
she asks me again to assume the child but i still refuse.
she starts saying that i'm a fake friend and that she doesn't want to talk to me.
i say that i can respect that but if she ever needed i would be there to talk to her.
i go to sleep and the next day wake up with missing calls from her and messages saying that i was fake because i didn't answer.
i try to explain myself but she ignores me.
after and during those conversations she made me fell really guilty for refusing what she asked me to do and for other things.
this is really really resumed because of the character cap but i hope it's understandable. 😅
so, aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y2ln6z/aita_for_not_assuming_my_friends_baby/
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2022-10-13 01:27:18
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nta
get away from her, she is not your friend, there are so many red flags here, she is guilting you into giving up basically your life away so she won't be a single mom; i bet it's not even the first time she has guilted you into something
please don't sign anything and don't agree to this, also be careful i wouldn't be surprise if she will be willing to publicly say it's yours and badmouth you to get her way
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so she wants you to say the baby is yours and you feel guilty?!?! wuuttt.
nta are you listening to yourself!?!
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nta
helping a pregnant friend is one thing, agreeing to be the legal and social father is way beyond just a regular favor.
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so this toxic chick is trying to gaslight you into fathering a baby that isn’t yours. all the while she cheated on her pathetic boyfriend and got knocked up by some other loser.
bro you need to block her number immediately and never speak to her again!!! ever!!!
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nta
your friend is making an unreasonable request of you. for you to lie and say you are the father of her child goes beyond the normal “*being there for a friend*.”
if your friend cannot understand this, you may want to distance yourself from her. she is not being fair to you.
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definitely nta.. actions have consequences and it's not up to you to have to deal with the consequences of her actions and can definitely see agreeing affecting you negatively down the line
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nta. really really nta! she is not a good friend to you and, obviously not a faithful girlfriend to her partner. now she's trying to manipulate you to a lifetime financial, physical and emotional committment to to her and this child. run, don't walk, away from this girl. she will cause you nothing but pain and ruin your life. you must not allow this.
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nta. taking on a kid isn't friend territory. this is way past friend territory. i would tell her you want a dna test. they can do those before the kid is born.
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nta. you aren't the dad it's not your job to be there for her or the baby. that's her job and the dad's.
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nta. she literally fucked around and found out.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: befores starting i want to say that i am not an native english speaker so i am trully sorry for any mistakes. so, i have been friends with this girl for about 2.5 yrs and we became really close. the other day i was chilling and recieved a message from her asking to talk to me. we start talking and she tells me that she is pregnant and is planning on telling her bf that day during dinner. i try to comfort her saying that if she ever needed anything i would help. her bf arrives and takes her out to dinner. she textes me saying that he didn't accept and that he left her there making her walk back home. she gets home and i try to comfort her once again. i get a message from her bf asking me to take care of her. i reply saying that he shouldn't have done what he did but i would take care of her. i go back to texting my friend and she asks me to assume the child as my own because she didn't want her bf to seem like the bad guy and she would rather been seen as a cheater. i excuse myself and refuse. she insists but i still said no. she gets a little bit angry at me. i get another message form her bf saying that he is 99% sure the child is not his because he was on vacations and during that she went to the disco. then my friend textes me saying "its all my fault" i reply saying that it isn't and that her bf played a part on it too and that things like that happen. she says "i wasn't fully honest with you, he was on vacations the child is not his" by now i didn't know what to say but i try to comfort her, again. she asks me again to assume the child but i still refuse. she starts saying that i'm a fake friend and that she doesn't want to talk to me. i say that i can respect that but if she ever needed i would be there to talk to her. i go to sleep and the next day wake up with missing calls from her and messages saying that i was fake because i didn't answer. i try to explain myself but she ignores me. after and during those conversations she made me fell really guilty for refusing what she asked me to do and for other things. this is really really resumed because of the character cap but i hope it's understandable. 😅 so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
befores starting i want to say that i am not an native english speaker so i am trully sorry for any mistakes. so, i have been friends with this girl for about 2.5 yrs and we became really close. the other day i was chilling and recieved a message from her asking to talk to me. we start talking and she tells me that she is pregnant and is planning on telling her bf that day during dinner. i try to comfort her saying that if she ever needed anything i would help. her bf arrives and takes her out to dinner. she textes me saying that he didn't accept and that he left her there making her walk back home. she gets home and i try to comfort her once again. i get a message from her bf asking me to take care of her. i reply saying that he shouldn't have done what he did but i would take care of her. i go back to texting my friend and she asks me to assume the child as my own because she didn't want her bf to seem like the bad guy and she would rather been seen as a cheater. i excuse myself and refuse. she insists but i still said no. she gets a little bit angry at me. i get another message form her bf saying that he is 99% sure the child is not his because he was on vacations and during that she went to the disco. then my friend textes me saying "its all my fault" i reply saying that it isn't and that her bf played a part on it too and that things like that happen. she says "i wasn't fully honest with you, he was on vacations the child is not his" by now i didn't know what to say but i try to comfort her, again. she asks me again to assume the child but i still refuse. she starts saying that i'm a fake friend and that she doesn't want to talk to me. i say that i can respect that but if she ever needed i would be there to talk to her. i go to sleep and the next day wake up with missing calls from her and messages saying that i was fake because i didn't answer. i try to explain myself but she ignores me. after and during those conversations she made me fell really guilty for refusing what she asked me to do and for other things. this is really really resumed because of the character cap but i hope it's understandable. 😅 so, aita? [/INST] nta get away from her, she is not your friend, there are so many red flags here, she is guilting you into giving up basically your life away so she won't be a single mom; i bet it's not even the first time she has guilted you into something please don't sign anything and don't agree to this, also be careful i wouldn't be surprise if she will be willing to publicly say it's yours and badmouth you to get her way </s>
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Aita for charging my sister in law to babysit?
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my sister in law and her 5 month old live with us. she and the babies father just went to mediation for custody agreements and decided to split the cost of childcare 50/50 outside of the court agreement. they asked me to be the main childcare provider and asked how much i would charge them. my husband and i talked it over and agreed that $5/hr would be a good rate because she's family. they agreed. then her job situation changed and she was home most of the time but i'd still watch her occasionally and she'd say "charge us for this." now her job situation has changed again and she's working at a daycare full time leaving at 6-615am, homing home by 430pm. there's no room available in the infant room so the baby is on a waitlist. we're continuing the original agreement of $5/hr 3 days/week because while she wasn't working, i went out and got a part time job. now the babies father is angry that i'm charging them anything because we're family and their parents will watch her for free on the 2 days i don't have her. aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ex6rp3/aita_for_charging_my_sister_in_law_to_babysit/
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2020-02-01 14:21:29
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nta. you deserve to be compensated for a difficult (taking care of kids it’s challenging!!) job. there should be no expectation that you will do it regularly. that’s a lot of your life they want to take over for free. 5 dollars is too low btw, they are getting away with highway robbery. daycares can be so expensive.
tell them that if they want to watch the child for free you will let them know when you are available to watch the kid for a random date night,
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lmao nta. you're charging a rate that they agreed to. you're helping them. if he wants free childcare, he can have his parents do it.
how does the mom feel about it?
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nta why don't they give them to his parents , if they don't want to pay?
your rate is super cheap and fair, especially since it's a long term commitment for you as well. do they expect you, to put your daily lee on hold for them and for free? stand your ground and they are free to look for alternatives.
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nta - stop watching the kid.
dad is an utter failure - not sorry- why do you care about his opinion?
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nta i got caught up in "helping a friend" and was watching two kids, one special needs, for next to nothing and she was actually being given about double what she was paying me by a government program and pocketing the rest.
people get really entitled and weird about how they value the cost of childcare when it is actual work, deserving or real pay, not "pocket money".
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister in law and her 5 month old live with us. she and the babies father just went to mediation for custody agreements and decided to split the cost of childcare 50/50 outside of the court agreement. they asked me to be the main childcare provider and asked how much i would charge them. my husband and i talked it over and agreed that $5/hr would be a good rate because she's family. they agreed. then her job situation changed and she was home most of the time but i'd still watch her occasionally and she'd say "charge us for this." now her job situation has changed again and she's working at a daycare full time leaving at 6-615am, homing home by 430pm. there's no room available in the infant room so the baby is on a waitlist. we're continuing the original agreement of $5/hr 3 days/week because while she wasn't working, i went out and got a part time job. now the babies father is angry that i'm charging them anything because we're family and their parents will watch her for free on the 2 days i don't have her. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister in law and her 5 month old live with us. she and the babies father just went to mediation for custody agreements and decided to split the cost of childcare 50/50 outside of the court agreement. they asked me to be the main childcare provider and asked how much i would charge them. my husband and i talked it over and agreed that $5/hr would be a good rate because she's family. they agreed. then her job situation changed and she was home most of the time but i'd still watch her occasionally and she'd say "charge us for this." now her job situation has changed again and she's working at a daycare full time leaving at 6-615am, homing home by 430pm. there's no room available in the infant room so the baby is on a waitlist. we're continuing the original agreement of $5/hr 3 days/week because while she wasn't working, i went out and got a part time job. now the babies father is angry that i'm charging them anything because we're family and their parents will watch her for free on the 2 days i don't have her. aita? [/INST] nta. you deserve to be compensated for a difficult (taking care of kids it’s challenging!!) job. there should be no expectation that you will do it regularly. that’s a lot of your life they want to take over for free. 5 dollars is too low btw, they are getting away with highway robbery. daycares can be so expensive. tell them that if they want to watch the child for free you will let them know when you are available to watch the kid for a random date night, </s>
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AITA for refusing to serve an abusive lady at work?
|
i work at a large retailer, one you have probably heard of.
today i was stationed at the customer service counter where all refunds and general enquiries come through to.
the day was fairly normal with no major issues. towards the end of my shift however, we got a large influx of customers at once at the customer service counter. it was just me there, so i called for help over our radios and continued serving, being polite and friendly despite the stress of this many people all at once.
it must have busy elsewhere in the store as i was not receiving any help from other staff members. i kept serving as fast as i can and am continuing to be friendly.
cue karen.
karen storms up to the counter and smashes a toaster down on it. she instantly is extremely rude with me and demands to know why she had to wait so long. i politely explain that it was very busy at the time but that wasn't good enough. she was almost screaming telling me that i should have called for more staff to come over as she was in a rush.
i kept calm and asked what i could help her with. she demanded a refund on her broken toaster, as the lever had broken.
now this toaster was an absolute disaster, it was filthy like it had not ever been cleaned, burnt bread crumbs were falling out everywhere and it looked like it had been used as a football in the backyard.
it was clearly user damage and therefore not covered under warranty for a refund or exchange.
i calmly started explaining this when she absolutely exploded. screaming that she better get a refund as she has shopped here for years and this isn't any way to treat a loyal customer. that i was incompetent and should be fired. demanding to speak to the manager. customers behind her were looking extremely uncomfortable.
i had enough and handed her the toaster and said i wouldn't be serving her with that attitude. she flipped it again, said a few choice words about me and then stormed to another area looking for a manager presumably. the next customer apologized for her which was really nice.
i didn't think much more of it until i was called into the store manager's office and formally given a warning for poor customer service and treating customers not in the way the business expects.
the store manager obviously was contacted by the lady and made out as if she was the victim however my side of the story didn't seem to matter.
now i have to attend a follow up meeting with the store manager to discuss what will happen to me. i could potentially be fired.
so aita here?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/el59qj/aita_for_refusing_to_serve_an_abusive_lady_at_work/
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2020-01-07 03:07:49
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nta.
i'm having flashbacks to the time a lady went off at me for not taking back a physically smashed ipod that was bought at another company. keep your chin up op
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nta - i worked in retail, both floor and corporate. having a spine and not being willing to eat shit from random assholes is a liability in those jobs.
if you lose this job the lesson shouldn't be that you need to swallow a pint of shit to keep your job. the lesson should be that you should only work for employers that can be trusted to at very least get the entire story.
good job on having a spine. now go find another job, something where they don't treat their employees like used nose tissue.
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nta. that doesn't mean store policy doesn't dictate that you did the wrong thing. it's unfortunate, but i hope someone checks the cameras, at least. i would calmly explain your side of what happened. stick to facts, don't give any excuses or the fact you were mad. you did make several calls for someone to cover. she was very accusitory and yelling in front of other customers when she approached. you reacted calmly, and tried to apologise and help her. she presented the toaster and it did not fall under the terms of the warranty and return policy. you told her that. she became irate and began screaming. she cussed. at this point other customers were visably uncomfortable. you called for a manager. she would not accept the fact that the manager wasn't coming right away. you made an executive decision that she should leave the store as her cussing and yelling was, again, upsetting the customers and there were children present. you also felt that the way she was acting, and what she was saying, would lead to a physical confrontation.
i know some of that may not be 100% true. it's a bit of an embelishment, but obviously she presented a very different story, so sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to keep your job. and if making sound a bit more dire, and that you felt honestly threatened by this customer (as well as saying you called management, who was busy and couldn't get there in time) then i think you should be ok. at the very least, this won't be more than a write-up. and let corporate do with it what they will.
good luck. remember key words: threatening, called management who couldn't come right way (not wouldn't, *couldn't*), other customers becoming visably uncomfortable, cussing, children in line, outside of your authority to do the return, slamming things, small embelishments that can be potentially backed up on visual cameras, fear of personal safety, made the best decision with what you had.
don't talk bad about her, or say she was a maniac or things like that. nuetral language
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nta, sounds like the customer sucks and you don't owe anyone anything. yes it might be your job to help customers but it isn't your job to be shouted at. if it's a really large retailer one customer will do nothing to effect the business. you manager is a dick for siding with the customer when realistically you the employee is more important than one refund. the other customers either sided with you because they're normal humans or they didn't care and just wanted to get on with their day.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work at a large retailer, one you have probably heard of. today i was stationed at the customer service counter where all refunds and general enquiries come through to. the day was fairly normal with no major issues. towards the end of my shift however, we got a large influx of customers at once at the customer service counter. it was just me there, so i called for help over our radios and continued serving, being polite and friendly despite the stress of this many people all at once. it must have busy elsewhere in the store as i was not receiving any help from other staff members. i kept serving as fast as i can and am continuing to be friendly. cue karen. karen storms up to the counter and smashes a toaster down on it. she instantly is extremely rude with me and demands to know why she had to wait so long. i politely explain that it was very busy at the time but that wasn't good enough. she was almost screaming telling me that i should have called for more staff to come over as she was in a rush. i kept calm and asked what i could help her with. she demanded a refund on her broken toaster, as the lever had broken. now this toaster was an absolute disaster, it was filthy like it had not ever been cleaned, burnt bread crumbs were falling out everywhere and it looked like it had been used as a football in the backyard. it was clearly user damage and therefore not covered under warranty for a refund or exchange. i calmly started explaining this when she absolutely exploded. screaming that she better get a refund as she has shopped here for years and this isn't any way to treat a loyal customer. that i was incompetent and should be fired. demanding to speak to the manager. customers behind her were looking extremely uncomfortable. i had enough and handed her the toaster and said i wouldn't be serving her with that attitude. she flipped it again, said a few choice words about me and then stormed to another area looking for a manager presumably. the next customer apologized for her which was really nice. i didn't think much more of it until i was called into the store manager's office and formally given a warning for poor customer service and treating customers not in the way the business expects. the store manager obviously was contacted by the lady and made out as if she was the victim however my side of the story didn't seem to matter. now i have to attend a follow up meeting with the store manager to discuss what will happen to me. i could potentially be fired. so aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i work at a large retailer, one you have probably heard of. today i was stationed at the customer service counter where all refunds and general enquiries come through to. the day was fairly normal with no major issues. towards the end of my shift however, we got a large influx of customers at once at the customer service counter. it was just me there, so i called for help over our radios and continued serving, being polite and friendly despite the stress of this many people all at once. it must have busy elsewhere in the store as i was not receiving any help from other staff members. i kept serving as fast as i can and am continuing to be friendly. cue karen. karen storms up to the counter and smashes a toaster down on it. she instantly is extremely rude with me and demands to know why she had to wait so long. i politely explain that it was very busy at the time but that wasn't good enough. she was almost screaming telling me that i should have called for more staff to come over as she was in a rush. i kept calm and asked what i could help her with. she demanded a refund on her broken toaster, as the lever had broken. now this toaster was an absolute disaster, it was filthy like it had not ever been cleaned, burnt bread crumbs were falling out everywhere and it looked like it had been used as a football in the backyard. it was clearly user damage and therefore not covered under warranty for a refund or exchange. i calmly started explaining this when she absolutely exploded. screaming that she better get a refund as she has shopped here for years and this isn't any way to treat a loyal customer. that i was incompetent and should be fired. demanding to speak to the manager. customers behind her were looking extremely uncomfortable. i had enough and handed her the toaster and said i wouldn't be serving her with that attitude. she flipped it again, said a few choice words about me and then stormed to another area looking for a manager presumably. the next customer apologized for her which was really nice. i didn't think much more of it until i was called into the store manager's office and formally given a warning for poor customer service and treating customers not in the way the business expects. the store manager obviously was contacted by the lady and made out as if she was the victim however my side of the story didn't seem to matter. now i have to attend a follow up meeting with the store manager to discuss what will happen to me. i could potentially be fired. so aita here? [/INST] nta. i'm having flashbacks to the time a lady went off at me for not taking back a physically smashed ipod that was bought at another company. keep your chin up op </s>
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AITA for not wanting to share my phone with my sister anymore?
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when pandemic started, i, 26 f has been living in our parents house with my younger sister 23 who has a bf and a 3 year old son. i have been paying all the bills, food etc. everything in the house and my sister and his bf is not sharing on it but it’s fine with me.
however my sister keeps on borrowing my own personal gadgets like laptop, phone etc. with the reason she doesn’t have one.
i have 2 phones btw. one is personal and one is work phone. since for me, phone is a personal thing i have decide to buy a mid range phone for her as a gift!
she was so happy and i thought she will stop borrowing my personal phone.
however she still continues to borrow it for her personal use!
one time, she said she will take my phone outside and i said i’m gonna use it but she begs so bad.
i got mad and said i have already given her a phone why does she still borrows it! she said that her bf is using it cause they are sharing a phone.
she got apologetic and now i feel guilty. but i have already given her a phone. they have this mindset that i should always give since i have a high paying job (when in fact it is not).
should i buy another one for her bf as well?
am i the asshole for getting mad at her and not wanting to share anymore?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z2iqsl/aita_for_not_wanting_to_share_my_phone_with_my/
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2022-11-23 07:32:38
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nta and why would you buy the bf another phone aswell? don't let them step all over you like that!
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nta. they are abusing you financially and are probably guilt tripping you on a regular basis for things that should be their responsibility. they are two adults with a child and live rent free. what the heck are they doing all day and where does their money go to?
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nta tell her that you gave her the phone - not the boyfriend- so that she would stop using your personal device. tell her that if she isn’t using the phone you have her you’re going to return it considering she’s still taking yours. that’ll change her entitled tune real quick
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nta - put a new password/fingerprint/whatever on your phone and tell your sister that yours is now off limits. she should use her own or figure out how to share with her partner. it seems you're letting them walk all over you and it's about time you set some boundaries.
|
nta
dont buy him aswell! thats just stupid! she is using you, dont give her your phone anymore
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nta.
she’s old enough to work to pay for her own electronics. it’s your personal property, if she damages them you could easily take her to a small claims court. keep them far away from your electronics, just because y’all live together it doesn’t mean that she’s entitled to your stuff.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when pandemic started, i, 26 f has been living in our parents house with my younger sister 23 who has a bf and a 3 year old son. i have been paying all the bills, food etc. everything in the house and my sister and his bf is not sharing on it but it’s fine with me. however my sister keeps on borrowing my own personal gadgets like laptop, phone etc. with the reason she doesn’t have one. i have 2 phones btw. one is personal and one is work phone. since for me, phone is a personal thing i have decide to buy a mid range phone for her as a gift! she was so happy and i thought she will stop borrowing my personal phone. however she still continues to borrow it for her personal use! one time, she said she will take my phone outside and i said i’m gonna use it but she begs so bad. i got mad and said i have already given her a phone why does she still borrows it! she said that her bf is using it cause they are sharing a phone. she got apologetic and now i feel guilty. but i have already given her a phone. they have this mindset that i should always give since i have a high paying job (when in fact it is not). should i buy another one for her bf as well? am i the asshole for getting mad at her and not wanting to share anymore?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when pandemic started, i, 26 f has been living in our parents house with my younger sister 23 who has a bf and a 3 year old son. i have been paying all the bills, food etc. everything in the house and my sister and his bf is not sharing on it but it’s fine with me. however my sister keeps on borrowing my own personal gadgets like laptop, phone etc. with the reason she doesn’t have one. i have 2 phones btw. one is personal and one is work phone. since for me, phone is a personal thing i have decide to buy a mid range phone for her as a gift! she was so happy and i thought she will stop borrowing my personal phone. however she still continues to borrow it for her personal use! one time, she said she will take my phone outside and i said i’m gonna use it but she begs so bad. i got mad and said i have already given her a phone why does she still borrows it! she said that her bf is using it cause they are sharing a phone. she got apologetic and now i feel guilty. but i have already given her a phone. they have this mindset that i should always give since i have a high paying job (when in fact it is not). should i buy another one for her bf as well? am i the asshole for getting mad at her and not wanting to share anymore? [/INST] nta and why would you buy the bf another phone aswell? don't let them step all over you like that! </s>
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AITA for not telling my friend that a lettuce wrapped burger is a bad idea?
|
to start off we're both males 18,a couple of days ago we went to dinner to a new restaurant we never tried before.....when we went there we were browsing the menu and i ordered a chicken sandwich,he said "hmmmm i want to try a lettuce wrapped burger" i immediately thought to myself " this is a bad idea"afterwards when we were eating the burger was falling apart and he couldn't finish it,i said " oh i knew that it would be a bad idea!" he was very confused and said " ummm why didn't you tell me that before i ordered", i simply said it's not my business to tell you what to do or not to do,he basically said that i should have said something before he ordered,just to make it very clear this is just a misunderstanding between gentlemen not a fight or anything like that and i'm wondering maybe i should have said something? so aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zz6kcp/aita_for_not_telling_my_friend_that_a_lettuce/
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2022-12-30 17:43:45
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nah
newsflash for both of you:
silverware is something that exists. google it. your mind will be blown.
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yta if it’s not your place to tell him what to do it’s not your place to say “i could have told you that was a bad idea, but i just didn’t” either. it’s obnoxious.
you wouldn’t have been telling him what to do. you would have been giving him advice, as equals, which he could have taken or discounted. instead you waited, and then did this weird flex. definite ah move. if you were going to stay quiet then you should have *kept* quiet indefinitely.
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yta. if it wasn’t your place to say something before, it wasn’t your place to say something after.
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what an odd flex. yta.
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seriously? you don't possess some magical wisdom or knowledge. places sell lettuce-wrapped burgers pretty regularly because people are often on low carb diets.
eat it with a fork and knife, or just a fork. this isn't rocket science.
esh since obviously neither of you could understand the basic concept of cutlery.
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i’m glad you don’t actually have any real problems in life.
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why couldn’t he finish it? have either of you ever heard of a fork?
|
info
> he couldn't finish it
... why not?
> this is just a misunderstanding between gentlemen
i thought you said you were a couple of teenage kids?
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yta- it’s condescending to tell someone you knew their decision was a bad idea after the fact.
if you married someone and got divorced a year later, would it sound condescending if your friend said, “yeah i knew that marriage wouldn’t ever last”?
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yta. i eat lettuce-wrapped burgers all the time. you sound.... exhausting.
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
| null | null |
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.076621 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: to start off we're both males 18,a couple of days ago we went to dinner to a new restaurant we never tried before.....when we went there we were browsing the menu and i ordered a chicken sandwich,he said "hmmmm i want to try a lettuce wrapped burger" i immediately thought to myself " this is a bad idea"afterwards when we were eating the burger was falling apart and he couldn't finish it,i said " oh i knew that it would be a bad idea!" he was very confused and said " ummm why didn't you tell me that before i ordered", i simply said it's not my business to tell you what to do or not to do,he basically said that i should have said something before he ordered,just to make it very clear this is just a misunderstanding between gentlemen not a fight or anything like that and i'm wondering maybe i should have said something? so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
to start off we're both males 18,a couple of days ago we went to dinner to a new restaurant we never tried before.....when we went there we were browsing the menu and i ordered a chicken sandwich,he said "hmmmm i want to try a lettuce wrapped burger" i immediately thought to myself " this is a bad idea"afterwards when we were eating the burger was falling apart and he couldn't finish it,i said " oh i knew that it would be a bad idea!" he was very confused and said " ummm why didn't you tell me that before i ordered", i simply said it's not my business to tell you what to do or not to do,he basically said that i should have said something before he ordered,just to make it very clear this is just a misunderstanding between gentlemen not a fight or anything like that and i'm wondering maybe i should have said something? so aita? [/INST] nah newsflash for both of you: silverware is something that exists. google it. your mind will be blown. </s>
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AITA for giving documents to my mother that put my father on the hook for back child support?
|
my father divorced my mom when i was 8 and left the country. he stopped paying child support. we had phone contact over the years. when i turned 21, he came back to our country, which he is a citizen of.
he contacted me in secret and invited me to see him. i'm mostly indifferent to him because i was very happy growing up with my mother. i didn't really miss him. my mother was more upset about him not seeing me than i was.
so i went to his house, after promising not to tell my mother where he lives. i don't hate the man. we had a lukewarm reunion. he had a wife and a 5 year old.
before i left, i "took" a utility bill and his business card which shows where he works. i gave these to my mother, who promptly had him served for back child support and other costs.
he has been banned from travelling and faces getting arrested if he doesn't pay it back.
his wages are currently being garnished at 600 a month until the 158k back pay amount is paid off. my mom gives me this money directly.
this pretty much screws him financially. the reason i do have some guilt is that my mother never actually needed this money. right after my father left, she got a really high paying job. if my father had stayed and went back to court, she would have had to pay him. she's also in a long term relationship with her boyfriend who is a surgeon.
i guess i was kind of blinded momentarily by a need for "petty revenge". i've ignored my father after he messaged me and asked if i had anything to do with the legal stuff.
aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e99y7u/aita_for_giving_documents_to_my_mother_that_put/
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2019-12-11 17:18:12
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nta. he played a shitty game and won a shitty prize.
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nta - he fled the country and never saw you while you were growing up and then invites you to come see him as long as your mom doesn't find out? it's been 13 years and he's still that petty?
yeah, it screws him financially now, but he helped make you so he should have helped raise you too and barring that, the *least* he could have done was help financially support you. it shouldn't be about how it would have played out if he stuck around because fact of business is, he *didn't*. he left the damn country. if you really feel bad about it and you mom is giving you the money, you could give the money back to him.
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nta as i lol about someone getting what they deserve.
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[deleted]
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nta as a father he had a legal obligation to pay you child support if he was court ordered, and by leaving the country and not fighting it, that cemented the fact that he needs to pay. you did the right thing, i promise.
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nta - by not paying child support he wasn’t stealing from your mom, but from you.
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nta - its not about your mother needing the money as much as its about he owes for your support. your dad ita, for walking out on you and not paying to support you.
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this is the most satisfying thing i read all day. thanks.
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nta. he fled the country and ignored his responsibilities. the fact that she made more money is completely irrelevant.
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nta - he skipped out on being a father, so this is the hand he's been dealt.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my father divorced my mom when i was 8 and left the country. he stopped paying child support. we had phone contact over the years. when i turned 21, he came back to our country, which he is a citizen of. he contacted me in secret and invited me to see him. i'm mostly indifferent to him because i was very happy growing up with my mother. i didn't really miss him. my mother was more upset about him not seeing me than i was. so i went to his house, after promising not to tell my mother where he lives. i don't hate the man. we had a lukewarm reunion. he had a wife and a 5 year old. before i left, i "took" a utility bill and his business card which shows where he works. i gave these to my mother, who promptly had him served for back child support and other costs. he has been banned from travelling and faces getting arrested if he doesn't pay it back. his wages are currently being garnished at 600 a month until the 158k back pay amount is paid off. my mom gives me this money directly. this pretty much screws him financially. the reason i do have some guilt is that my mother never actually needed this money. right after my father left, she got a really high paying job. if my father had stayed and went back to court, she would have had to pay him. she's also in a long term relationship with her boyfriend who is a surgeon. i guess i was kind of blinded momentarily by a need for "petty revenge". i've ignored my father after he messaged me and asked if i had anything to do with the legal stuff. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my father divorced my mom when i was 8 and left the country. he stopped paying child support. we had phone contact over the years. when i turned 21, he came back to our country, which he is a citizen of. he contacted me in secret and invited me to see him. i'm mostly indifferent to him because i was very happy growing up with my mother. i didn't really miss him. my mother was more upset about him not seeing me than i was. so i went to his house, after promising not to tell my mother where he lives. i don't hate the man. we had a lukewarm reunion. he had a wife and a 5 year old. before i left, i "took" a utility bill and his business card which shows where he works. i gave these to my mother, who promptly had him served for back child support and other costs. he has been banned from travelling and faces getting arrested if he doesn't pay it back. his wages are currently being garnished at 600 a month until the 158k back pay amount is paid off. my mom gives me this money directly. this pretty much screws him financially. the reason i do have some guilt is that my mother never actually needed this money. right after my father left, she got a really high paying job. if my father had stayed and went back to court, she would have had to pay him. she's also in a long term relationship with her boyfriend who is a surgeon. i guess i was kind of blinded momentarily by a need for "petty revenge". i've ignored my father after he messaged me and asked if i had anything to do with the legal stuff. aita? [/INST] nta. he played a shitty game and won a shitty prize. </s>
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AITA for asking my roommates son to be more respectful and stop using and eating my things?!
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due to covid i had to leave a major city and move to a small town where i only know my mother and her husband. i lived in their basement and had to start over. i suffer from depression and anxiety so the transition was horrible to be brutally honest. eventually they bought a house and i took over the lease of the house they left behind. i invited a friend to move in with me. she told me her son would only be there temporarily. of course, he and his girlfriend are here all the time. their friends wander through my house like they own it. they pay nothing and only recently started contributing toilet paper because i got angry. my friend continues to excuse his behavior due to an absent father and lack of child support. i am not a complete asshole and i get the stress. but he's 17 at this point. let me get to the point of this post.
i caught her son "smoking" (you know what i mean)in my basement. i asked him twice and he denied it twice. his buddy ran into me in the kitchen on his way out and i confronted him. he told me what was happening.
i spoke to my friend, his mother. i asked her to tell them to remove all "smoking" items from the house because this has been a rule from day one. they got pissed.
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/waynwa/aita_for_asking_my_roommates_son_to_be_more/
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2022-07-29 07:48:53
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nta sounds like you don’t have a roommate but instead have a house full of leeches.
time for pest control ie notice if eviction
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nta.
eviction is your friend.
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nta
your friend is taking advantage of you.
not paying rent, bills and having to be pushed to buy toilet roll? ah, entitled behaviour.
they then got pissed because her son was ‘smoking’ in your house and you were not okay with this?
there have been so many levels of disrespect, entitlement and ridiculousness here.
i would give them two options.
a) pay a portion of the rent and bills like proper tenants. set a set of rules in the house or a contract like a proper ‘landlord’ or someone who has a ‘lodger’. if they cannot follow these rules, they are out.
b) they need to leave and find alternate accommodation.
if they’re going to abuse your kindness, not give you any compensation for staying in your home, then treat it like a frat house: they need to leave!
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nta. if you don’t already have one you need to come up with a new roommate agreement. you agreed to rent to the woman, not her son, and her son doesn’t have property rights. does he have a permanent room in the house? regardless, if it bothers you, he and his friends need to hang out elsewhere. and your roommate agreement needs to stipulate rules for guests. smoking should absolutely be banned. it’s a hazard and it could (?) void some insurances should it cause a fire. first off, though, make sure your home has fire extinguishers in key areas because kids aren’t trustworthy. then find a roommate agreement online and/or talk to a lawyer to make sure your rights are expressed clearly and legally. lastly, maybe lean on your parents for help because that way as the owners they can insist upon lease rules.
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nta.
you've invited them to live with you, now they completely disrespect you and your property.
probably hard to do, and understandably so seeing as she's your friend, but i'd recommend evicting them. get them outta there. your post sounds like you've warned them plenty of times too, so they have been given a lot of opportunity and time to correct themselves and their behaviour but they didn't. get them out.
they don't deserve you.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: due to covid i had to leave a major city and move to a small town where i only know my mother and her husband. i lived in their basement and had to start over. i suffer from depression and anxiety so the transition was horrible to be brutally honest. eventually they bought a house and i took over the lease of the house they left behind. i invited a friend to move in with me. she told me her son would only be there temporarily. of course, he and his girlfriend are here all the time. their friends wander through my house like they own it. they pay nothing and only recently started contributing toilet paper because i got angry. my friend continues to excuse his behavior due to an absent father and lack of child support. i am not a complete asshole and i get the stress. but he's 17 at this point. let me get to the point of this post. i caught her son "smoking" (you know what i mean)in my basement. i asked him twice and he denied it twice. his buddy ran into me in the kitchen on his way out and i confronted him. he told me what was happening. i spoke to my friend, his mother. i asked her to tell them to remove all "smoking" items from the house because this has been a rule from day one. they got pissed.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
due to covid i had to leave a major city and move to a small town where i only know my mother and her husband. i lived in their basement and had to start over. i suffer from depression and anxiety so the transition was horrible to be brutally honest. eventually they bought a house and i took over the lease of the house they left behind. i invited a friend to move in with me. she told me her son would only be there temporarily. of course, he and his girlfriend are here all the time. their friends wander through my house like they own it. they pay nothing and only recently started contributing toilet paper because i got angry. my friend continues to excuse his behavior due to an absent father and lack of child support. i am not a complete asshole and i get the stress. but he's 17 at this point. let me get to the point of this post. i caught her son "smoking" (you know what i mean)in my basement. i asked him twice and he denied it twice. his buddy ran into me in the kitchen on his way out and i confronted him. he told me what was happening. i spoke to my friend, his mother. i asked her to tell them to remove all "smoking" items from the house because this has been a rule from day one. they got pissed. [/INST] nta sounds like you don’t have a roommate but instead have a house full of leeches. time for pest control ie notice if eviction </s>
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AITA for not going to my moms wedding?
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i’m in a band. we are just starting to get gigs, and since i’m relying on this to make a living, i want to play as many of these gigs as possible. my mom left my dad about ten years ago, when i was nine. he was pretty abusive, just to my mom, never to me. two weeks ago, she got remarried to her partner of seven years. he’s okay. i don’t hate him. he’ll never be a father to me but he’s nice. bought me my first car and helped me get my first weekend job. i was supposed to be his best man at the wedding. i did try to tell him that i’m not a kid anymore and he doesn’t need to have me as his best man just to please my mom but he insisted he wanted me as his best man because i’m like a son to him. i don’t see him that way but i agreed. three days before the wedding, my band got booked for a gig and i decided to play the gig instead of attending the wedding. i told my mom two days before the wedding and she seemed upset but reassured me it was okay. the wedding went ahead but now my sister is telling me i’m selfish and an ah. to be honest i didn’t really care about being at the wedding in the first place and this is how i make a living, i mean come on i can’t just turn down gigs or we’ll never get our name out there! pretty sure i’m not, but aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fnbqjn/aita_for_not_going_to_my_moms_wedding/
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2020-03-23 01:48:55
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yta. since it was 2 days before the wedding. if it was well in advance, my answer might be different.
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yta
it’s your mom. it’s your family.
you should show up to the wedding.
missing one gig won’t kill your band but it’s hurtful to your mom.
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oh, my god, yta. you made a commitment. you bailed on short notice. and not just any commitment; your own mother's wedding. her partner helped raise you. even if you don't feel that strongly about her partner seeing you as a son, what about your own *mother?* this is the kind of thing you can't walk back on. i hope the gig was really that worth it, but somehow, i doubt it was.
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yta. dude, get off of reddit, pick up the phone, call them both, and apologize. wedding of the woman that raised you and a stepfather who apparently treated you pretty damned well trumps a gig every...single...time.
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yta.
let’s be deathly serious here, and this comes from knowing several people in the music business. unless your band is signed to a major label who is going to push you to the top, your chances of making a living off of music are slim to none.
the fact that you bailed on your mother’s wedding to play a gig is completely selfish. you seem desperate to justify your actions by making claims like, “my dad was abusive but only to *her*,” and how your now-stepdad “helped you buy a car and considers you a son” but he’ll *never be a real father to you*. your stepdad sounds wonderful. you sound like a dolt.
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yta. are you 12yo?
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yta. you bailed on your mom's wedding at the last second. doesn't matter if you care about the wedding. the point is to support her and you broke her heart instead.
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**yta**. both your original post ,and your answer to my best man question, makes me question either your authenticity, or your humanity. my last question for you (not that it would change my vote) is: why are you even posting on here? you already made the decision that exposure is more important than family. (and, not for nothing, depending on when this gig was actually held, you might well have gotten far more "exposure" than you bargained for.) do you actually care if yta or not? you're not famous, you're not even almost famous, you're just starting out, yet you're already acting as if you're beyond needing the support of those who have known and loved you your entire life, in pursuit of love and money from future fans. if this is a real story (and it feels like such an awfulbrag i do have my doubts), but if it is, you owe your mother and stepfather a huge, heartfelt apology.
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yta - not just because you didn’t show love and support on her big day. you made a commitment to a loved one and yet you chose your friends over that promise.
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yta.
you seem to be talking more about your relationship with your stepfather instead of your relationship with your mother. are you close to her? if yes then yes, you’re the asshole for not going to show her support and love because you got a last minute gig.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m in a band. we are just starting to get gigs, and since i’m relying on this to make a living, i want to play as many of these gigs as possible. my mom left my dad about ten years ago, when i was nine. he was pretty abusive, just to my mom, never to me. two weeks ago, she got remarried to her partner of seven years. he’s okay. i don’t hate him. he’ll never be a father to me but he’s nice. bought me my first car and helped me get my first weekend job. i was supposed to be his best man at the wedding. i did try to tell him that i’m not a kid anymore and he doesn’t need to have me as his best man just to please my mom but he insisted he wanted me as his best man because i’m like a son to him. i don’t see him that way but i agreed. three days before the wedding, my band got booked for a gig and i decided to play the gig instead of attending the wedding. i told my mom two days before the wedding and she seemed upset but reassured me it was okay. the wedding went ahead but now my sister is telling me i’m selfish and an ah. to be honest i didn’t really care about being at the wedding in the first place and this is how i make a living, i mean come on i can’t just turn down gigs or we’ll never get our name out there! pretty sure i’m not, but aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m in a band. we are just starting to get gigs, and since i’m relying on this to make a living, i want to play as many of these gigs as possible. my mom left my dad about ten years ago, when i was nine. he was pretty abusive, just to my mom, never to me. two weeks ago, she got remarried to her partner of seven years. he’s okay. i don’t hate him. he’ll never be a father to me but he’s nice. bought me my first car and helped me get my first weekend job. i was supposed to be his best man at the wedding. i did try to tell him that i’m not a kid anymore and he doesn’t need to have me as his best man just to please my mom but he insisted he wanted me as his best man because i’m like a son to him. i don’t see him that way but i agreed. three days before the wedding, my band got booked for a gig and i decided to play the gig instead of attending the wedding. i told my mom two days before the wedding and she seemed upset but reassured me it was okay. the wedding went ahead but now my sister is telling me i’m selfish and an ah. to be honest i didn’t really care about being at the wedding in the first place and this is how i make a living, i mean come on i can’t just turn down gigs or we’ll never get our name out there! pretty sure i’m not, but aita? [/INST] yta. since it was 2 days before the wedding. if it was well in advance, my answer might be different. </s>
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AITA for bringing home new and dry-cleaned clothes?
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i live w/ my roomie d and her pet pig b. b has long experienced symptoms which d thinks are caused by a fragrance allergy. b has undergone cat scans, allergy panels, etc. with no answers, other than a few trees/plants/foods to avoid. no fragrances were included in the allergy panels.
despite the lack of evidence, 2 years ago d told me not to light candles, wear perfume, or use unnatural cleaning/personal products. d has air-purifying fans running at all times. benadryl for b at least once a day. it is not uncommon for b to scratch himself without known cause. in fact, b is currently undergoing treatment for a scratched cornea.
4 years ago my cousin passed away suddenly. wednesday, her daughter e graciously invited me to shop her mother's wardrobe, to keep these treasures (these are expensive pieces, many of them vintage) in the family. everything in the storage unit either still had tags on or was in dry-cleaning bags.
d was interested. i explained that these pieces are very special to my family and i will let my sister and mom try things on first. d insisted. she goes into her room to try things on and comes out disappointed that nothing fits, but mentions that she could get items tailored...i thought i had made it clear that these items were not up for grabs.
d then claims that b has gotten very itchy since my return and asks for details about the clothes. i explain that they are either new or dry cleaned and have been in storage for years. d emerges moments later, exclaiming that she found research showing that dry cleaned clothes are incredibly toxic, and that the clothes need to go, and asks what can be washed tonight. i explained that the closest laundry is in the building next door, 2 floors down, and i have not had a chance to read the care tags, nor do i have change. d claims i don't care that b is hurting or that her "pig is fucking dying". it's nearly 10, i'm tired, i'm hungry, and i'm never interested in arguing, so i pack up the clothes in my car.
thursday evening d marches into my room.
d- we gotta talk. b was fine until you came home, now he's having another episode. are you wearing the clothes?
me - no. i put them in my car last night.
d- well, you are carrying some kind of fragrance on you. what is it?
me - i have not made any adjustments to my personal routine. nothing has changed. i'm not sure what the issue is, but it's not me.
d- yes, it is you. there is no other explanation and b can't be closed in my room forever.
it is now friday and i have not spoken to d. i am sort of in a state of shock. i'm frustrated that i keep having to make concessions for the pig, d believes she has the authority to tell me what to do and wear, that i have not been able to enjoy the family heirlooms i've been looking forward to wearing, and that with absolutely no evidence, i am being blamed for killing a pig by my mere existence. aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i18ia9/aita_for_bringing_home_new_and_drycleaned_clothes/
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2020-07-31 14:32:08
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nta
it's funny that her pig didn't get sick until after she tried all the clothes on and when asked if she could tailor them you said no. i think she's being because she didn't get what she wanted and is using the pig as an excuse. also funny that you could still be carrying the smell but she absolutely could not even though she tried them all on.
edit to add i'm pretty sure the only thing toxic about dry cleaning is the plastic bags they're returned in.
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info: is living with a pig indoors something people do outside of sitcoms? genuine question.
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it is a fucking animal.
nta.
it is a fucking pig: you have more right than a fucking pet, i'm sorry you got a crazy roommate.
you did nothing wrong and she has to understand that a pet pig even with allergies is having a hell of a better life than a normal pig.
the fucking pig can bear some allergy.
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nta.
that pig has more authority in your apartment than you do. not ok.
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a resounding nta. i myself have a dog with allergies to something unknown and she itches constantly without her apoquel. but i don’t make it anyone else’s problem. she’s my dog, and i make sure she has the medication she needs to live comfortably. i sympathize with her wanting to help her pet, but she can’t control your entire life to do it. i highly doubt that any lingering scent on your person is causing the pigs problems. she needs to double down on finding a medication that helps the pig, and leave you alone.
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nta
she’s got a bag of snakes in her head.
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definitely nta. you pay rent too and this is your home and you deserve to be comfortable. my dog has allergies too and i understand trying to keep them comfortable but within reason. the onus of care needs to be on her and not on you. also a reaction is not going to kill her pig. she sounds selfish and entitled especially when she went ahead and tried to help herself to your family's clothes despite you saying no. i would be looking for new places to live.
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nta. i’m all for loving your pets and accommodating them where you can, but your roommate (and her pig) are taking major advantage of you. it sounds like there’s no evidence of fragrance being a trigger to the pig’s allergies, so i think you need to sit down with d and have a conversation about realistic roommate expectations. otherwise, d needs to start looking for a new place.
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nta you have made numerous concessions in your own home. its unfair of her to push so many things onto you without even having concrete proof of the true issue. you pay rent too.
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nta, and it’s pretty clear from the timing of it that she suddenly decided the clothes have to go once she realized she wasn’t getting any of them. if she can’t have them you can’t either, style of thing.
i’d also seriously consider how long you want to live with someone who not only puts her pig first but expects you to as well.
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live w/ my roomie d and her pet pig b. b has long experienced symptoms which d thinks are caused by a fragrance allergy. b has undergone cat scans, allergy panels, etc. with no answers, other than a few trees/plants/foods to avoid. no fragrances were included in the allergy panels. despite the lack of evidence, 2 years ago d told me not to light candles, wear perfume, or use unnatural cleaning/personal products. d has air-purifying fans running at all times. benadryl for b at least once a day. it is not uncommon for b to scratch himself without known cause. in fact, b is currently undergoing treatment for a scratched cornea. 4 years ago my cousin passed away suddenly. wednesday, her daughter e graciously invited me to shop her mother's wardrobe, to keep these treasures (these are expensive pieces, many of them vintage) in the family. everything in the storage unit either still had tags on or was in dry-cleaning bags. d was interested. i explained that these pieces are very special to my family and i will let my sister and mom try things on first. d insisted. she goes into her room to try things on and comes out disappointed that nothing fits, but mentions that she could get items tailored...i thought i had made it clear that these items were not up for grabs. d then claims that b has gotten very itchy since my return and asks for details about the clothes. i explain that they are either new or dry cleaned and have been in storage for years. d emerges moments later, exclaiming that she found research showing that dry cleaned clothes are incredibly toxic, and that the clothes need to go, and asks what can be washed tonight. i explained that the closest laundry is in the building next door, 2 floors down, and i have not had a chance to read the care tags, nor do i have change. d claims i don't care that b is hurting or that her "pig is fucking dying". it's nearly 10, i'm tired, i'm hungry, and i'm never interested in arguing, so i pack up the clothes in my car. thursday evening d marches into my room. d- we gotta talk. b was fine until you came home, now he's having another episode. are you wearing the clothes? me - no. i put them in my car last night. d- well, you are carrying some kind of fragrance on you. what is it? me - i have not made any adjustments to my personal routine. nothing has changed. i'm not sure what the issue is, but it's not me. d- yes, it is you. there is no other explanation and b can't be closed in my room forever. it is now friday and i have not spoken to d. i am sort of in a state of shock. i'm frustrated that i keep having to make concessions for the pig, d believes she has the authority to tell me what to do and wear, that i have not been able to enjoy the family heirlooms i've been looking forward to wearing, and that with absolutely no evidence, i am being blamed for killing a pig by my mere existence. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i live w/ my roomie d and her pet pig b. b has long experienced symptoms which d thinks are caused by a fragrance allergy. b has undergone cat scans, allergy panels, etc. with no answers, other than a few trees/plants/foods to avoid. no fragrances were included in the allergy panels. despite the lack of evidence, 2 years ago d told me not to light candles, wear perfume, or use unnatural cleaning/personal products. d has air-purifying fans running at all times. benadryl for b at least once a day. it is not uncommon for b to scratch himself without known cause. in fact, b is currently undergoing treatment for a scratched cornea. 4 years ago my cousin passed away suddenly. wednesday, her daughter e graciously invited me to shop her mother's wardrobe, to keep these treasures (these are expensive pieces, many of them vintage) in the family. everything in the storage unit either still had tags on or was in dry-cleaning bags. d was interested. i explained that these pieces are very special to my family and i will let my sister and mom try things on first. d insisted. she goes into her room to try things on and comes out disappointed that nothing fits, but mentions that she could get items tailored...i thought i had made it clear that these items were not up for grabs. d then claims that b has gotten very itchy since my return and asks for details about the clothes. i explain that they are either new or dry cleaned and have been in storage for years. d emerges moments later, exclaiming that she found research showing that dry cleaned clothes are incredibly toxic, and that the clothes need to go, and asks what can be washed tonight. i explained that the closest laundry is in the building next door, 2 floors down, and i have not had a chance to read the care tags, nor do i have change. d claims i don't care that b is hurting or that her "pig is fucking dying". it's nearly 10, i'm tired, i'm hungry, and i'm never interested in arguing, so i pack up the clothes in my car. thursday evening d marches into my room. d- we gotta talk. b was fine until you came home, now he's having another episode. are you wearing the clothes? me - no. i put them in my car last night. d- well, you are carrying some kind of fragrance on you. what is it? me - i have not made any adjustments to my personal routine. nothing has changed. i'm not sure what the issue is, but it's not me. d- yes, it is you. there is no other explanation and b can't be closed in my room forever. it is now friday and i have not spoken to d. i am sort of in a state of shock. i'm frustrated that i keep having to make concessions for the pig, d believes she has the authority to tell me what to do and wear, that i have not been able to enjoy the family heirlooms i've been looking forward to wearing, and that with absolutely no evidence, i am being blamed for killing a pig by my mere existence. aita? [/INST] nta it's funny that her pig didn't get sick until after she tried all the clothes on and when asked if she could tailor them you said no. i think she's being because she didn't get what she wanted and is using the pig as an excuse. also funny that you could still be carrying the smell but she absolutely could not even though she tried them all on. edit to add i'm pretty sure the only thing toxic about dry cleaning is the plastic bags they're returned in. </s>
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AITA for refusing to go to my grandparent's house last minute?
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every sunday, me, my dad, mom and brother have to go back to have dinner with my grandparents (dad's side) including my uncle and cousins. my dad is normally a very nice to me, but when we go back to our grandparents house, he acts totally different. like if i told him i wanted snacks at home, he would tell me where to get it and even offer me his snacks. but when we're there, he'll tell me not to eat the snacks and kind of mock me in front of my grandma while she snickers at the side.
for context, my grandparents don't like my mom. therefore, in their logic, as her children, we are disliked too :) so we arent close with them at all except for these weekend visits.
whenever we get sick and refuse to go back, my dad goes ballistic. he becomes weirdly aggressive and sulks for weeks on end, start banging on doors, being an absolute asshole.
yesterday, my mom had an uti. she didn't want to go back and deal with her mil so she stayed home. my dad would have gone ballistic but my mom is crazier than him so he silently fumed. my brother offers to stay home with my mom. then there's me. and my job as a middle person. two people at home and two people there right....?
except this time i refused. i straight up told my dad i didn't want to go. he glared at me and asked why. i said i just didn't want to go. period. but by this time, i was shaking inside cause my dad never raises his voice or even glare at me but this time he did.
to make my point, i told him if they were pissed we never went back to have dinner, he could bring whatever leftovers they had. my dad basically sat the edge of the couch for about half an hour, silently fuming. i didn't really care by now, so i let him be.
i told my dad that if they were angry at us for not showing up then it was their problem because they never treated my cousins like this. honestly they never treat anyone like this except for me, my mom and my brother.
he storms off and said that i had a really 'good' attitude/etiquette (couldn't hear him).
i honestly think i wasnt at fault because they don't even want us there in the first place, and if i went there it would just be hours of looking at my phone while my dad licks his dad's shoes. but now my mom kind of feels bad because i should have just quietly accepted my fate and 'give them respect' because they're old people.
aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/myx4y3/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_grandparents_house/
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2021-04-26 13:02:08
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nta dad really sounds like a douche and the fact that you said his personality changes when he's with his parents makes him a bad father if he'd rather put his parents first than his own family
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nta. you don't need to subject yourself to this abusive and unpleasant situation just to please your dad.
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nta. it sounds like your dad doesn’t want to go either and was likely raised in a toxic home. his anger is likely from anxiety and when he gets there, he falls into a toxic pattern with his family.
i admit to doing this. i will be a little mean spirited to my children when around certain family and it took my kids to point it out to realize what i was doing. falling into old patterns of embarrassing them because it was better to draw attention away from myself from years of feeling inferior and never being seen as someone who did anything right. it’s like bullies at school. you don’t want to be teased so you tease someone else to ensure you aren’t the next victim. i felt awful when i realized my own toxic behavior.
talk to your dad. explain how confusing it is to have this super nice guy and then a meaner version at this other place. give examples and see what he says. he probably wants you guys to go as a buffer, that’s why he’s mad no one went.
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wanting to avoid the hyde side of your dad, and grandparents? nta. perhaps there needs to be a conversation held with your mom and bro about why dad thinks this is acceptable behaviour? why does he not defend his family? how long does it take for jekyl side of your dad to come back? he has allowed his parents to treat your mom and you and bro this way for far too long.
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nta. your dad seems very off and his side of the family treats you badly and so does he when he’s there. i’d talk to your mom about the mistreatment that’s been happening if she hasn’t been made aware about you and your brother yet. i don’t like the way your dad is getting angry so easily so i wouldn’t talk to him first. you shouldn’t be forced to go there.
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nta. don't be afraid to call your dad out for "performing for his mommy". a simple statement like "wow, you're so much nicer at home" or "seriously? you think it's acceptable to speak to me like that to make your mother laugh?".
soft spoken gentle "questions" should be enough to make your father realise he's being an a/hole.
if he escalates or accuses you of being disrespectful you go thermonuclear and straight up call him and his mother out in front of them "just because your mother doesn't like our mom, that doesn't give you a licence to treat us like crap to keep your mommy happy. if she views us as inferior, that's not a reason for you to belittle us so she feels justified in her behaviour".
yes, it's incendiary. you will, burn bridges and blow the boats out of the water - but you can be sure you will never have to return to your grandma's house!
be careful taking an extreme approach though, there's no turning back!
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nta, while i can understand your father wanting his children and wife to participate in family gatherings he sounds like he has absolutely lost it around this topic.
you guys are his wife and kids, he should understand your feelings and at least try to make you more comfortable
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: every sunday, me, my dad, mom and brother have to go back to have dinner with my grandparents (dad's side) including my uncle and cousins. my dad is normally a very nice to me, but when we go back to our grandparents house, he acts totally different. like if i told him i wanted snacks at home, he would tell me where to get it and even offer me his snacks. but when we're there, he'll tell me not to eat the snacks and kind of mock me in front of my grandma while she snickers at the side. for context, my grandparents don't like my mom. therefore, in their logic, as her children, we are disliked too :) so we arent close with them at all except for these weekend visits. whenever we get sick and refuse to go back, my dad goes ballistic. he becomes weirdly aggressive and sulks for weeks on end, start banging on doors, being an absolute asshole. yesterday, my mom had an uti. she didn't want to go back and deal with her mil so she stayed home. my dad would have gone ballistic but my mom is crazier than him so he silently fumed. my brother offers to stay home with my mom. then there's me. and my job as a middle person. two people at home and two people there right....? except this time i refused. i straight up told my dad i didn't want to go. he glared at me and asked why. i said i just didn't want to go. period. but by this time, i was shaking inside cause my dad never raises his voice or even glare at me but this time he did. to make my point, i told him if they were pissed we never went back to have dinner, he could bring whatever leftovers they had. my dad basically sat the edge of the couch for about half an hour, silently fuming. i didn't really care by now, so i let him be. i told my dad that if they were angry at us for not showing up then it was their problem because they never treated my cousins like this. honestly they never treat anyone like this except for me, my mom and my brother. he storms off and said that i had a really 'good' attitude/etiquette (couldn't hear him). i honestly think i wasnt at fault because they don't even want us there in the first place, and if i went there it would just be hours of looking at my phone while my dad licks his dad's shoes. but now my mom kind of feels bad because i should have just quietly accepted my fate and 'give them respect' because they're old people. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
every sunday, me, my dad, mom and brother have to go back to have dinner with my grandparents (dad's side) including my uncle and cousins. my dad is normally a very nice to me, but when we go back to our grandparents house, he acts totally different. like if i told him i wanted snacks at home, he would tell me where to get it and even offer me his snacks. but when we're there, he'll tell me not to eat the snacks and kind of mock me in front of my grandma while she snickers at the side. for context, my grandparents don't like my mom. therefore, in their logic, as her children, we are disliked too :) so we arent close with them at all except for these weekend visits. whenever we get sick and refuse to go back, my dad goes ballistic. he becomes weirdly aggressive and sulks for weeks on end, start banging on doors, being an absolute asshole. yesterday, my mom had an uti. she didn't want to go back and deal with her mil so she stayed home. my dad would have gone ballistic but my mom is crazier than him so he silently fumed. my brother offers to stay home with my mom. then there's me. and my job as a middle person. two people at home and two people there right....? except this time i refused. i straight up told my dad i didn't want to go. he glared at me and asked why. i said i just didn't want to go. period. but by this time, i was shaking inside cause my dad never raises his voice or even glare at me but this time he did. to make my point, i told him if they were pissed we never went back to have dinner, he could bring whatever leftovers they had. my dad basically sat the edge of the couch for about half an hour, silently fuming. i didn't really care by now, so i let him be. i told my dad that if they were angry at us for not showing up then it was their problem because they never treated my cousins like this. honestly they never treat anyone like this except for me, my mom and my brother. he storms off and said that i had a really 'good' attitude/etiquette (couldn't hear him). i honestly think i wasnt at fault because they don't even want us there in the first place, and if i went there it would just be hours of looking at my phone while my dad licks his dad's shoes. but now my mom kind of feels bad because i should have just quietly accepted my fate and 'give them respect' because they're old people. aita? [/INST] nta dad really sounds like a douche and the fact that you said his personality changes when he's with his parents makes him a bad father if he'd rather put his parents first than his own family </s>
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AITA Not wanting to be involved in our daughters life.
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my friends with benefits (now mother of our child) got pregnant in 2019 with our daughter. i initially handled the news of the pregnancy in an immature way by casting blame on her for getting pregnant and trying to guilt her into getting an abortion. she saw through my manipulation tactics and made the decision to go through with the pregnancy because she genuinely wanted to be a mother and this was her opportunity to be one. granted, i knew due to our income differences that i would be footing majority of the expenses (i.e. child support, child care). so me being an opportunist, genuinely thought that the right thing to do was to work out or differences, apologize for my poor behavior towards the pregnancy, and try to work things out to raise our daughter together as a family. i tried to show her that i wanted to be around and support her through he rest of the pregnancy and there after. not long after she came to the conclusion that she did not want to be in that type of relationship with me and wanted to co-parent instead. that news stung a bit because i falling in love with the mother of our child and everything that comes with being a family.
fast forward our daughter is eight months old and we now have a child support order and i received very little visitation (5%). she did not allow me in the room for our daughters birth. due to covid she was allowed one person in the room and she chose her mother. and as time passed she was allowing me less and less time with our daughter (alienation). i do not want to go through eighteen years of custody battles.
at this point i would not mind giving up my parental rights and have no contact with our daughter and mother. i would continue to pay child support and any other financial obligation/responsibilities throughout our daughters life. i never wanted to have this child in the first place but since i showed interest for a period of time, am i the asshole now for wanting back out now and cutting ties?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/loctvs/aita_not_wanting_to_be_involved_in_our_daughters/
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2021-02-20 18:07:34
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yta - so your fwb got pregnant
you first tried to manipulate her into an abortion after lashing out at her
then when she wouldn’t give into your manipulation, you tried to convince her to have a full relationship with you
she decided she didn’t want that with you
and so your answer now is to just give up on the kid you never wanted in the first place
honestly? it’s probably better for you to not be in the kids life
however you were the asshole from the start to the finish
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yta for wanting to ditch your kid. why did you get so little visitation? there must be a reason you aren't telling us (unless this is mra fanfiction)
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yta. wow, you're ta.
"kill the baby. it's your fault i got us into this mess, so you should be the one to clean it up."
"okay, i'm all in because you wouldn't kill the baby. how is that not good enough?"
"you don't want me and would rather have the support of a loving family member to help you through one of the most painful experiences a woman can have? i will find a way to be offended that you didn't make the experience of childbirth about me."
"you're alienating me from my baby by not going above the suspiciously low court-mandated allotment."
where are you not the ah, my guy?
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yta. you cant be abusive towards someone and then treating them keeping your child away from you as parental alienation. even more considering the 5% was your *order* and not her disallowing you. nice that you point out you're manipulative at the beginning tho.
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yta.
you’re giving up on your kid because your former fwb rejected you romantically.
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yta
well this is a roll coaster of whiplash. you don't want the kid, you want the kid, then don't again. then say you only wanted to reconcile because you're an opportunist and knew you'd be footing the bill, so you might as well get the sex and relationship etc. from the mom. then you're in love with her, but surprised she caught on to your plan and dumped you, and now you hate her. this is a mess.
i keep thinking this was actually written by the baby momma, pretending to be the dad.
if you are actually the dad, i say give it one more shot to get more visitation, and if that fails, perhaps cut your losses. though don't be surprised if you can't, and you're ordered to continue paying child support with no visitation.
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yta. forget everything you said about the mother right up till the custody stuff. if you’re not willing to put in the slightest effort to be in your child’s life then it’s probably better if you aren’t. it’ll save her from being repeatedly let down by you later
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yta: because you are not acting in the best interest of the child. you made a decision to be a part of this child’s life, and now are a part of it. no where in your analysis do you reflect on how your permanent absence will impact the child.
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info: why do you have such little visitation?
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i'm glad you're taking all this feedback in such a gracious way. you are trying to be self aware and that's a big step.
obviously, you're hurt by the rejection. and, as narcissists do, you're trying to regain the upper hand. these two relationships with your child and her mother will be difficult for you given your personality. but they can also be rich and fulfilling. bailing is certainly taking the easy way out.
you also said that you're working on yourself. being a parent and caring for another person can be a way to work on yourself as well. it will take a lot of effort to ensure that you're behaving well towards your child and her mother. you're going to have to let her have the "upper hand" in order to put your child's needs above your own. best of luck to you. you already know you're the asshole, but you don't have to be forever.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my friends with benefits (now mother of our child) got pregnant in 2019 with our daughter. i initially handled the news of the pregnancy in an immature way by casting blame on her for getting pregnant and trying to guilt her into getting an abortion. she saw through my manipulation tactics and made the decision to go through with the pregnancy because she genuinely wanted to be a mother and this was her opportunity to be one. granted, i knew due to our income differences that i would be footing majority of the expenses (i.e. child support, child care). so me being an opportunist, genuinely thought that the right thing to do was to work out or differences, apologize for my poor behavior towards the pregnancy, and try to work things out to raise our daughter together as a family. i tried to show her that i wanted to be around and support her through he rest of the pregnancy and there after. not long after she came to the conclusion that she did not want to be in that type of relationship with me and wanted to co-parent instead. that news stung a bit because i falling in love with the mother of our child and everything that comes with being a family. fast forward our daughter is eight months old and we now have a child support order and i received very little visitation (5%). she did not allow me in the room for our daughters birth. due to covid she was allowed one person in the room and she chose her mother. and as time passed she was allowing me less and less time with our daughter (alienation). i do not want to go through eighteen years of custody battles. at this point i would not mind giving up my parental rights and have no contact with our daughter and mother. i would continue to pay child support and any other financial obligation/responsibilities throughout our daughters life. i never wanted to have this child in the first place but since i showed interest for a period of time, am i the asshole now for wanting back out now and cutting ties?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my friends with benefits (now mother of our child) got pregnant in 2019 with our daughter. i initially handled the news of the pregnancy in an immature way by casting blame on her for getting pregnant and trying to guilt her into getting an abortion. she saw through my manipulation tactics and made the decision to go through with the pregnancy because she genuinely wanted to be a mother and this was her opportunity to be one. granted, i knew due to our income differences that i would be footing majority of the expenses (i.e. child support, child care). so me being an opportunist, genuinely thought that the right thing to do was to work out or differences, apologize for my poor behavior towards the pregnancy, and try to work things out to raise our daughter together as a family. i tried to show her that i wanted to be around and support her through he rest of the pregnancy and there after. not long after she came to the conclusion that she did not want to be in that type of relationship with me and wanted to co-parent instead. that news stung a bit because i falling in love with the mother of our child and everything that comes with being a family. fast forward our daughter is eight months old and we now have a child support order and i received very little visitation (5%). she did not allow me in the room for our daughters birth. due to covid she was allowed one person in the room and she chose her mother. and as time passed she was allowing me less and less time with our daughter (alienation). i do not want to go through eighteen years of custody battles. at this point i would not mind giving up my parental rights and have no contact with our daughter and mother. i would continue to pay child support and any other financial obligation/responsibilities throughout our daughters life. i never wanted to have this child in the first place but since i showed interest for a period of time, am i the asshole now for wanting back out now and cutting ties? [/INST] yta - so your fwb got pregnant you first tried to manipulate her into an abortion after lashing out at her then when she wouldn’t give into your manipulation, you tried to convince her to have a full relationship with you she decided she didn’t want that with you and so your answer now is to just give up on the kid you never wanted in the first place honestly? it’s probably better for you to not be in the kids life however you were the asshole from the start to the finish </s>
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AITA for not wanting to name my son after my partner?
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throwaway, mostly bc my main account is very recognizable and my so could easily figure out its me. also please excuse length and formatting. i’m on mobile and i’m bad at summarizing lmao.
i am in a ldr with my so. he lives in the us, i live in a non english speaking european country. specific, i know, but it’s important.
we have been together for more than 5 years, and i just know he’s the one.
sadly. where he lives he’s unable to afford university and find a job that he has a vocation for (sciences). instead he’s forced to do a very labor intensive job that doesn’t pay well and leaves him exhausted and frustrated.for this reason, and many other (among which me absolutely refusing to move to the us) he plans on moving here with a student visa next year. no problems, my family is more than happy to help him, and i’m teaching him the language. i 100% plan on marrying this guy and being with him till i kick the bucket.
since we are very open and, not to brag, have great communication, we’ve already discussed things such as family and possible children.
now, here’s the problem. he insists on giving his own name to a possible future son. he argues that it’s a family tradition (his father has the same name as well) and is very vocal about it. so far i have only stated that it’ll be a discussion for later as we’re both still young and i don’t plan on having kids for a few years still.
but the truth is, i hate the idea. not because i don’t like his name, but because
1: it would feel so incredibly awkward to call my child the same name i cry out during intimate moments. i felt the exact same way when i found out he has the same name as his dad, but it’s not like i can complain about that.
2: this name is english, and not only that, it’s a weird one at that. i live in a non english speaking country, and children with foreign names here are known to be ridiculed and bullied. having been bullied most of my school life for many reasons, i know what it feels like and want to avoid it at all costs for my future kids.
3: lastly, this name would curse him to a life of “huh?”, “what’s your name again?” and several butchering. i know because i have a fairly weird name myself, it’s in my language but it’s very rare and i’ve gone through my life constantly being asked about it or bullied about it (see point 2) and it’s very annoying.
it’s not a problem yet but i already feel like ta for being so viscerally against this.
so tell me reddit, aita?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d5rsyr/aita_for_not_wanting_to_name_my_son_after_my/
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2019-09-18 03:12:28
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nta, but you need to tell him it’s a hard no for you. it would be a bizarre and immature dealbreaker, but if it is one for him you need to find that out now. don’t wait till he’s moved to be with you and you’re pregnant.
i find it obnoxious that he’s insisting on a name for your child before you’ve even thought seriously about having one. hopefully he cares what you think in other areas of life.
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nah. you absolutely need to come to an agreement on this. because this “tiny” thing will tear your relationship apart.
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nta, names mean alot these days. but my boyfriend insisted on naming future first son his name, as a middle name. and all first daughters barbra
i vetod this so hard. the first makes sense and is a nice tradition. but i'm not having a daughter, a sil, and gmil all named barbra that is excessive and confusing.
maybe suggest it as a middle name, or pick a really good middle name that your future kid will always go by.
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nta.
all your reasons are super valid and he would be a jerk to disregard them. tradition should never trump reason.
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nah - communicate this with him. can you use his name as a middle name instead? that way the tradition lives on, just in a different way.
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nah
breaking family traditions can suck big time. i can't say your boyfriend is an asshole for wanting to pass his name onto his son and continue the family tradition.
you have a valid concern about the bullying. if you know people in your area are especially cruel to people with unique names (or at least unique to the area), then it's a good idea to steer clear from that (at least as a first name).
your best compromise is using your sos name as your future son's middle name. and while you're not ready to have kids yet, if you think you want to marry him, you need to have discussions like this early on to make sure you're on the same page. if this is a dealbreaker, then you wouldn't want to figure that out later in your relationship.
as for the sex thing goes, my so has his grandfather's name and his middle name is his father's name. i never really connected the dots with their same names while having intimate time with my so. my mind just doesn't drift off about other people. i'm focused on my so. you could always just have a nickname for your son as well. or call him by his middle name. i know a good handful of people who have done this.
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my brother and dad are named the same thing and it’s the dumbest shit ever. my brother hates it
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nah. your concerns are valid. please discuss this further with your significant other.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway, mostly bc my main account is very recognizable and my so could easily figure out its me. also please excuse length and formatting. i’m on mobile and i’m bad at summarizing lmao. i am in a ldr with my so. he lives in the us, i live in a non english speaking european country. specific, i know, but it’s important. we have been together for more than 5 years, and i just know he’s the one. sadly. where he lives he’s unable to afford university and find a job that he has a vocation for (sciences). instead he’s forced to do a very labor intensive job that doesn’t pay well and leaves him exhausted and frustrated.for this reason, and many other (among which me absolutely refusing to move to the us) he plans on moving here with a student visa next year. no problems, my family is more than happy to help him, and i’m teaching him the language. i 100% plan on marrying this guy and being with him till i kick the bucket. since we are very open and, not to brag, have great communication, we’ve already discussed things such as family and possible children. now, here’s the problem. he insists on giving his own name to a possible future son. he argues that it’s a family tradition (his father has the same name as well) and is very vocal about it. so far i have only stated that it’ll be a discussion for later as we’re both still young and i don’t plan on having kids for a few years still. but the truth is, i hate the idea. not because i don’t like his name, but because 1: it would feel so incredibly awkward to call my child the same name i cry out during intimate moments. i felt the exact same way when i found out he has the same name as his dad, but it’s not like i can complain about that. 2: this name is english, and not only that, it’s a weird one at that. i live in a non english speaking country, and children with foreign names here are known to be ridiculed and bullied. having been bullied most of my school life for many reasons, i know what it feels like and want to avoid it at all costs for my future kids. 3: lastly, this name would curse him to a life of “huh?”, “what’s your name again?” and several butchering. i know because i have a fairly weird name myself, it’s in my language but it’s very rare and i’ve gone through my life constantly being asked about it or bullied about it (see point 2) and it’s very annoying. it’s not a problem yet but i already feel like ta for being so viscerally against this. so tell me reddit, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
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throwaway, mostly bc my main account is very recognizable and my so could easily figure out its me. also please excuse length and formatting. i’m on mobile and i’m bad at summarizing lmao. i am in a ldr with my so. he lives in the us, i live in a non english speaking european country. specific, i know, but it’s important. we have been together for more than 5 years, and i just know he’s the one. sadly. where he lives he’s unable to afford university and find a job that he has a vocation for (sciences). instead he’s forced to do a very labor intensive job that doesn’t pay well and leaves him exhausted and frustrated.for this reason, and many other (among which me absolutely refusing to move to the us) he plans on moving here with a student visa next year. no problems, my family is more than happy to help him, and i’m teaching him the language. i 100% plan on marrying this guy and being with him till i kick the bucket. since we are very open and, not to brag, have great communication, we’ve already discussed things such as family and possible children. now, here’s the problem. he insists on giving his own name to a possible future son. he argues that it’s a family tradition (his father has the same name as well) and is very vocal about it. so far i have only stated that it’ll be a discussion for later as we’re both still young and i don’t plan on having kids for a few years still. but the truth is, i hate the idea. not because i don’t like his name, but because 1: it would feel so incredibly awkward to call my child the same name i cry out during intimate moments. i felt the exact same way when i found out he has the same name as his dad, but it’s not like i can complain about that. 2: this name is english, and not only that, it’s a weird one at that. i live in a non english speaking country, and children with foreign names here are known to be ridiculed and bullied. having been bullied most of my school life for many reasons, i know what it feels like and want to avoid it at all costs for my future kids. 3: lastly, this name would curse him to a life of “huh?”, “what’s your name again?” and several butchering. i know because i have a fairly weird name myself, it’s in my language but it’s very rare and i’ve gone through my life constantly being asked about it or bullied about it (see point 2) and it’s very annoying. it’s not a problem yet but i already feel like ta for being so viscerally against this. so tell me reddit, aita? [/INST] nta, but you need to tell him it’s a hard no for you. it would be a bizarre and immature dealbreaker, but if it is one for him you need to find that out now. don’t wait till he’s moved to be with you and you’re pregnant. i find it obnoxious that he’s insisting on a name for your child before you’ve even thought seriously about having one. hopefully he cares what you think in other areas of life. </s>
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