submission_title
stringlengths 15
304
| submission_text
stringlengths 0
3.4k
| submission_score
int64 145
70.8k
| submission_url
stringlengths 70
106
| submission_date
stringlengths 19
19
| top_comment_1
stringlengths 3
810
| top_comment_2
stringlengths 0
5.07k
⌀ | top_comment_3
stringlengths 0
7.01k
⌀ | top_comment_4
stringlengths 0
8.67k
⌀ | top_comment_5
stringlengths 0
7.33k
⌀ | top_comment_6
stringlengths 0
6.82k
⌀ | top_comment_7
stringlengths 0
4.75k
⌀ | top_comment_8
stringlengths 0
9.25k
⌀ | top_comment_9
stringlengths 0
9.74k
⌀ | top_comment_10
stringlengths 0
8.27k
⌀ | top_comment_1_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_2_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_3_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_4_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_5_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_6_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_7_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_8_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_9_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_10_classification
stringclasses 5
values | ambiguity_score
float64 0
1
| flanT5_instruction
stringlengths 475
3.86k
| llama2_instruction
stringlengths 517
4.34k
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
AITA for making my roommate pay the same amount
|
8 months ago i got a new roommate. i advertised that their room would have a huge walk in closet. something mine didn’t have. instead mine had more space with little storage. i measured everything and it roughly comes out to the same size. mine being slightly bigger. one day they decide to peak into my room(something i’ve noticed them trying to do before) and said is your room bigger than mine? i told them only by a little bit. reminded them that theirs look smaller because they have an extra room in their room. they still aren’t happy about this and are still complaining about it from time to time. their friend even said that it’s because they have an extra room in their room and that paying half and half makes perfect sense. each room has its own benefit. they can store their bikes and i can have an open space. am i the asshole for making them pay half? i was upfront with the fact that their room had a walk in closet.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sqpmrx/aita_for_making_my_roommate_pay_the_same_amount/
|
2022-02-12 11:34:55
|
nta- she looked at the room and agreed to rent at the price stated. end of.
|
nta as long as the rooms are somewhat comparable in size and you have equal shared space for the rest of the rental 50/50 rent makes sense. although with the next roommate i’d mention upfront that the room is slithery smaller with a walk-in closet. that way there are no surprises since the closet isn’t really living space.
|
nta, if they aren’t happy about it they can still find somewhere else. as you said, if they are roughly the same size there’s no reason she should be paying less
|
nta. sounds like you hold the lease and have the risk if they leave. you can charge whatever you want … 80%, 50% or 30% of the total lease cost. they on the other hand shouldn’t be trying to snoop in your room or complain.
|
nta. it seems like 50/50 is a pretty fair arrangement. if they are that worried about it, you could do it by exact total square footage so you would pay slightly more for your slightly bigger room, but it seems like 50/50 is fair.
|
nta. usually they would have looked at all the rooms before agreeing to the split so it’s weird they have resorted to trying to peak. in any case it sounds like a reasonable division.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 8 months ago i got a new roommate. i advertised that their room would have a huge walk in closet. something mine didn’t have. instead mine had more space with little storage. i measured everything and it roughly comes out to the same size. mine being slightly bigger. one day they decide to peak into my room(something i’ve noticed them trying to do before) and said is your room bigger than mine? i told them only by a little bit. reminded them that theirs look smaller because they have an extra room in their room. they still aren’t happy about this and are still complaining about it from time to time. their friend even said that it’s because they have an extra room in their room and that paying half and half makes perfect sense. each room has its own benefit. they can store their bikes and i can have an open space. am i the asshole for making them pay half? i was upfront with the fact that their room had a walk in closet.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
8 months ago i got a new roommate. i advertised that their room would have a huge walk in closet. something mine didn’t have. instead mine had more space with little storage. i measured everything and it roughly comes out to the same size. mine being slightly bigger. one day they decide to peak into my room(something i’ve noticed them trying to do before) and said is your room bigger than mine? i told them only by a little bit. reminded them that theirs look smaller because they have an extra room in their room. they still aren’t happy about this and are still complaining about it from time to time. their friend even said that it’s because they have an extra room in their room and that paying half and half makes perfect sense. each room has its own benefit. they can store their bikes and i can have an open space. am i the asshole for making them pay half? i was upfront with the fact that their room had a walk in closet. [/INST] nta- she looked at the room and agreed to rent at the price stated. end of. </s>
|
AITA for calling my sister manipulative lazy cheapskate in front of my parents?
|
backstory time :
so 1 month ago i made a huge mess with my family. my sister (30) who is married with two kids f(1) & f(3) , is living on one of my parents houses , without paying rent(me and all my 4 siblings do the same thing).
for the past 4 years she hasn't worked a single day and has been living and still lives her life as if it is normal to have no income for so long while being financially supported by others like her husband, his parents and my parents.
my parents have always been very strict with us with one extremely stupid policy. that policy is , if you (their kids) want to be able to enjoy the assets and privileges of the family (eg. cars,houses,their income etc) then you should work in the family business. my sister hasn't work in the family business for 10 years now (i have been working there after finishing university at 22 for 6 years) and that policy wasn't applied to her but i never complained about it since their assets are theirs to do as they wish until...
my sister started coming frequently to the area where we live at and where our business is at and proceeded at continuously leeching them. she would come without her husband , live in my parents house , not pay a dime for any expense imaginable , doing vacation and the thing that was the last straw ...
coming everyday for a week to the family business and getting stuff for herself and her kids for free. i can understand a few grandpa and grandma presents to the kids, even to my sister but after she did it consistently, even using my niece by creating the strategy of " go give grandpa a kiss and ask if you can get this ", i finally broke and lashed out on her on family dinner calling a manipulative lazy cheapskate with no boundaries. i told her she should be ashamed for using her kids to manipulate people like that. i continued ranting about how she doesn't deserve to live like a princess and a beggar in the same time.
needless to say my parents weren't a big fan of ruining dinner and cursing at my sister like that and my sister also got mad with me. my relationship with my parents and sister have yet to heal and my other sister sided with me while a few friends called me an asshole. however. with all being said. aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/poa1g7/aita_for_calling_my_sister_manipulative_lazy/
|
2021-09-14 19:43:52
|
info: you say your sister lives “off her husband”. do you mean she’s a homemaker?
|
esh. you said it yourself, you were ranting. the way you went about confronting her was wrong. you did it publicly and during a family dinner. that alone makes you a bit of an asshole.
at the end of the day your parents are allowed to do with their money and properties what they want. if you find that they treat you differently to your sister, you should've talked about it with them, like an adult would do.
now, about your sister's behaviour. i actually agree with you that her using her kid to get grandpa and grandma to give them sh\*t is manipulative. she is clearly taking advantage of them, but that doesn't excuse how you went about airing your grievances.
you are an adult and should act like one. that means talking, rather than yelling. instead of ranting at your sister, you should have talked to her and your parents.
|
esh- honestly all of you live a pretty entitled life. also she is a mother and sounds like she does all of the work for her children.
|
yta. your sister lives in a single income home where her husband works, and she handles all the child care. to say that she "hasn't worked a single day" is grossly inaccurate. she's not living on your parents' dime. she came to visit for a week, and they provided her lodging and presents, as is traditional in many families. if you were to move out of state and come home to visit they would do the same for you. you, on the other hand, are riding your parents' coattails and relying on them for a job as well as lodgings. i would say that this is the pot calling the kettle black, but it's even worse because you're not content with merely being ungrateful. you're actively jealous of your sister taking a sliver from your parents while you're helping yourself to a huge slice.
|
yta: mainly for speaking for your parents when it doesn't seem they have the same feelings as you. if they want to be upset ar their daughter they can. but why are you upset for them?
also doing it at a family dinner is just childish and inappropriate. lastly being a sahm is a job
|
yta
your sister is a sahm. raising children is work.
visiting home 3 times in the year is normal.
get over yourself.
|
yta. your post reeks of jealousy. why does it bother you? your sister visits her family for 3 weeks a year and you happen to still live in that house. it’s your parents home and if they don’t have a problem with it, then it’s fine. you seem totally capable of finding a new place to live if you don’t like it. they probably just want to see their grandkids.
every detail about your sisters life is irrelevant. basically you think she doesn’t deserve what she gets because she doesn’t work hard. but so what? stay in your lane, she’s not getting any help from you so besides being a hater i don’t see how it needs to involve you.
she has 2 kids under 3yo which is massive work. imagine how much it would cost to have someone else care for them everyday if she did go to work.
| null | null | null |
INFO
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | null | null | 0.029732 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: backstory time : so 1 month ago i made a huge mess with my family. my sister (30) who is married with two kids f(1) & f(3) , is living on one of my parents houses , without paying rent(me and all my 4 siblings do the same thing). for the past 4 years she hasn't worked a single day and has been living and still lives her life as if it is normal to have no income for so long while being financially supported by others like her husband, his parents and my parents. my parents have always been very strict with us with one extremely stupid policy. that policy is , if you (their kids) want to be able to enjoy the assets and privileges of the family (eg. cars,houses,their income etc) then you should work in the family business. my sister hasn't work in the family business for 10 years now (i have been working there after finishing university at 22 for 6 years) and that policy wasn't applied to her but i never complained about it since their assets are theirs to do as they wish until... my sister started coming frequently to the area where we live at and where our business is at and proceeded at continuously leeching them. she would come without her husband , live in my parents house , not pay a dime for any expense imaginable , doing vacation and the thing that was the last straw ... coming everyday for a week to the family business and getting stuff for herself and her kids for free. i can understand a few grandpa and grandma presents to the kids, even to my sister but after she did it consistently, even using my niece by creating the strategy of " go give grandpa a kiss and ask if you can get this ", i finally broke and lashed out on her on family dinner calling a manipulative lazy cheapskate with no boundaries. i told her she should be ashamed for using her kids to manipulate people like that. i continued ranting about how she doesn't deserve to live like a princess and a beggar in the same time. needless to say my parents weren't a big fan of ruining dinner and cursing at my sister like that and my sister also got mad with me. my relationship with my parents and sister have yet to heal and my other sister sided with me while a few friends called me an asshole. however. with all being said. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
backstory time : so 1 month ago i made a huge mess with my family. my sister (30) who is married with two kids f(1) & f(3) , is living on one of my parents houses , without paying rent(me and all my 4 siblings do the same thing). for the past 4 years she hasn't worked a single day and has been living and still lives her life as if it is normal to have no income for so long while being financially supported by others like her husband, his parents and my parents. my parents have always been very strict with us with one extremely stupid policy. that policy is , if you (their kids) want to be able to enjoy the assets and privileges of the family (eg. cars,houses,their income etc) then you should work in the family business. my sister hasn't work in the family business for 10 years now (i have been working there after finishing university at 22 for 6 years) and that policy wasn't applied to her but i never complained about it since their assets are theirs to do as they wish until... my sister started coming frequently to the area where we live at and where our business is at and proceeded at continuously leeching them. she would come without her husband , live in my parents house , not pay a dime for any expense imaginable , doing vacation and the thing that was the last straw ... coming everyday for a week to the family business and getting stuff for herself and her kids for free. i can understand a few grandpa and grandma presents to the kids, even to my sister but after she did it consistently, even using my niece by creating the strategy of " go give grandpa a kiss and ask if you can get this ", i finally broke and lashed out on her on family dinner calling a manipulative lazy cheapskate with no boundaries. i told her she should be ashamed for using her kids to manipulate people like that. i continued ranting about how she doesn't deserve to live like a princess and a beggar in the same time. needless to say my parents weren't a big fan of ruining dinner and cursing at my sister like that and my sister also got mad with me. my relationship with my parents and sister have yet to heal and my other sister sided with me while a few friends called me an asshole. however. with all being said. aita? [/INST] info: you say your sister lives “off her husband”. do you mean she’s a homemaker? </s>
|
AITA for not accepting my partners family business proposal?
|
so let me explain in better depth. i (19 female) and my partner (19 male) have been dating for about two years. within those two years (in like 2020) i lived with my partner and his parents and my partner got into a big argument with his mom which then blew out of proportion into a family feud that divided his family into two. the argument was over the fact that he could not help out at home as much as she wanted to because he had school and worked full time on top of that. this does not mean he didn’t help or that i didn’t help out either but we did not have time to clean the gutters or mow the lawn when we were never really there due to work and school. a lot of hurtful things were said and done during the arguments specifically from his mother, stepdad, and brother. fast forward to this year his mom wanted all of us to sit down and apologize to one another so we could all make up. my partner and i were on board and agreed it was due time for all of us to make up. when we arrived and sat down his mother started the whole convo off and some of it sounded a bit weird. she said if someone said something mean or out of pocket we were supposed to suck it up and ignore it because of “family”. i didn’t really agree but said nothing. i apologized for my actions, my partner apologized, and his little brother apologized. but when it was time for my partners step dad to apologize he instead started telling us that we would never be successful with out them and that we needed them to grow in life. this is when he started his business proposal on a company they created and apparently my partner and i were supposed to be apart of it. when he was done i said “thank you for the consideration but i don’t see that for my future. i do not mind pitching in or helping but that business will not be my priority. i already have goals and stuff i’ve committed myself to for my future.” after i said that he got upset and began calling me selfish saying i was ungrateful for everything they have done for me. and that both my partner and i owed them for helping us when we had needed help. i kept trying to prove my point but it kept escalating and turned into a screaming match between the stepdad and i. after another minute of this i walked out their house and started walking out the neighborhood until my partner left (he had stayed behind for a bit to calm stuff down and defend me) and could pick me up from a nearby cvs. my dad also found out and went to their home to tell them that i did not need to do what they want. now his mom is saying i’m manipulative and that i’m a brat for reacting that way and that i looked like a fool for having my dad talk to them. am i the butt for saying no and walking out?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rje7ja/aita_for_not_accepting_my_partners_family/
|
2021-12-18 19:08:00
|
nta
they never wanted to apologize they just wanted free labor or seed money for their business. you respectfully declined , then the dad went to demean the both of you. if you can get some distance from these people.
p.s. what was the business im just curious and want to know how crap of an idea it was
|
"it. when he was done i said “thank you for the consideration but i don’t see that for my future. i do not mind pitching in or helping but that business will not be my priority. i already have goals and stuff i’ve committed myself to for my future.”" - you handled that very well.
&#x200b;
do not get into business with them.
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
" am i the butt for saying no and walking out?" - no, that ewas one of the best decissions in your life. well done!
|
nta. you’re not their indentured servant. live your life! do what you want! it sounds like you initially handled it quite maturely especially given your age. however, screaming match? not cool. that makes you a little bit of an a-hole but i think the major fault is with your stepdad, setting unreasonable expectations and trying to control your life.
your bfs family has some serious issues. but your dad should have stayed out of it. i don’t understand why he needed to defend you and get involved. i think he made it worse, but that’s not really your fault. maybe you can thank him but ask him to avoid butting in next time.
|
nta
they wanted you for unpaid labor and maybe even would have asked you to invest money (or take on debt) for their business.
you did the right thing.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so let me explain in better depth. i (19 female) and my partner (19 male) have been dating for about two years. within those two years (in like 2020) i lived with my partner and his parents and my partner got into a big argument with his mom which then blew out of proportion into a family feud that divided his family into two. the argument was over the fact that he could not help out at home as much as she wanted to because he had school and worked full time on top of that. this does not mean he didn’t help or that i didn’t help out either but we did not have time to clean the gutters or mow the lawn when we were never really there due to work and school. a lot of hurtful things were said and done during the arguments specifically from his mother, stepdad, and brother. fast forward to this year his mom wanted all of us to sit down and apologize to one another so we could all make up. my partner and i were on board and agreed it was due time for all of us to make up. when we arrived and sat down his mother started the whole convo off and some of it sounded a bit weird. she said if someone said something mean or out of pocket we were supposed to suck it up and ignore it because of “family”. i didn’t really agree but said nothing. i apologized for my actions, my partner apologized, and his little brother apologized. but when it was time for my partners step dad to apologize he instead started telling us that we would never be successful with out them and that we needed them to grow in life. this is when he started his business proposal on a company they created and apparently my partner and i were supposed to be apart of it. when he was done i said “thank you for the consideration but i don’t see that for my future. i do not mind pitching in or helping but that business will not be my priority. i already have goals and stuff i’ve committed myself to for my future.” after i said that he got upset and began calling me selfish saying i was ungrateful for everything they have done for me. and that both my partner and i owed them for helping us when we had needed help. i kept trying to prove my point but it kept escalating and turned into a screaming match between the stepdad and i. after another minute of this i walked out their house and started walking out the neighborhood until my partner left (he had stayed behind for a bit to calm stuff down and defend me) and could pick me up from a nearby cvs. my dad also found out and went to their home to tell them that i did not need to do what they want. now his mom is saying i’m manipulative and that i’m a brat for reacting that way and that i looked like a fool for having my dad talk to them. am i the butt for saying no and walking out?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so let me explain in better depth. i (19 female) and my partner (19 male) have been dating for about two years. within those two years (in like 2020) i lived with my partner and his parents and my partner got into a big argument with his mom which then blew out of proportion into a family feud that divided his family into two. the argument was over the fact that he could not help out at home as much as she wanted to because he had school and worked full time on top of that. this does not mean he didn’t help or that i didn’t help out either but we did not have time to clean the gutters or mow the lawn when we were never really there due to work and school. a lot of hurtful things were said and done during the arguments specifically from his mother, stepdad, and brother. fast forward to this year his mom wanted all of us to sit down and apologize to one another so we could all make up. my partner and i were on board and agreed it was due time for all of us to make up. when we arrived and sat down his mother started the whole convo off and some of it sounded a bit weird. she said if someone said something mean or out of pocket we were supposed to suck it up and ignore it because of “family”. i didn’t really agree but said nothing. i apologized for my actions, my partner apologized, and his little brother apologized. but when it was time for my partners step dad to apologize he instead started telling us that we would never be successful with out them and that we needed them to grow in life. this is when he started his business proposal on a company they created and apparently my partner and i were supposed to be apart of it. when he was done i said “thank you for the consideration but i don’t see that for my future. i do not mind pitching in or helping but that business will not be my priority. i already have goals and stuff i’ve committed myself to for my future.” after i said that he got upset and began calling me selfish saying i was ungrateful for everything they have done for me. and that both my partner and i owed them for helping us when we had needed help. i kept trying to prove my point but it kept escalating and turned into a screaming match between the stepdad and i. after another minute of this i walked out their house and started walking out the neighborhood until my partner left (he had stayed behind for a bit to calm stuff down and defend me) and could pick me up from a nearby cvs. my dad also found out and went to their home to tell them that i did not need to do what they want. now his mom is saying i’m manipulative and that i’m a brat for reacting that way and that i looked like a fool for having my dad talk to them. am i the butt for saying no and walking out? [/INST] nta they never wanted to apologize they just wanted free labor or seed money for their business. you respectfully declined , then the dad went to demean the both of you. if you can get some distance from these people. p.s. what was the business im just curious and want to know how crap of an idea it was </s>
|
AITA for abiding by the listed no drugs/alcohol policy?
|
throwaway for obvious reasons.
in late february, i went on a trip organized by my college's student association. anyone who wanted to could sign up, and they take you to this indoor adult obstacle course with a ball pit, go karts, swinging ropes, monkey bars, etc.
we had to sign a waiver at the time we signed up, and one of the stipulations was that you couldn't be on the course under the influence of alcohol or marijuana. this seemed reasonable, so i agreed and signed.
after arriving, i went into the bathroom and took half a tab of acid. i had an absolute blast on the go karts, tire swing, and in the ball pit (it was soooo hard to get out)! i was actually more able to do the things like monkey bars after it kicked in, so it's not as though i was stumbling and flailing around. my mistake came when i got into a conversation with an employee by the tire swing - he noticed that my pupils were enlarged, and told me i would have to leave.
i told him that i was not under the influence of alcohol or marijuana, and i could tell he didn't believe me. he just kept repeating that i needed to leave, and that people were not allowed to be intoxicated on the premises. i told him that the policy only specified alcohol and marijuana, and i had not taken either. he called security, who then escorted me out. aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i9ucrv/aita_for_abiding_by_the_listed_no_drugsalcohol/
|
2020-08-14 21:07:55
|
yta. you tried to use a loophole and it didn't work because it's obvious what they meant.
|
acid is a drug and you know it, yta for bragging about doing drugs and being surprised it backfired.
|
yta. i assume acid is illegal where this happened, and it's likely the form makes you consent to not engage in criminal activity, which covers use of controlled substances.
|
yta
you were under the influence of drugs when you went to drive go karts. that's not okay. it's also pretty standard that someone under the influence of a drug, that isn't alcohol of marijuana, is to be removed from places since most other drugs are illegal. and you know that, so you're either a troll or a moron.
|
i mean i’m pretty sure it’s a troll but obviously yta because i’ve seen from a comment that acid is illegal where you are, so obviously you weren’t allowed to do it
|
yta as a stoner, and a lover of the psychedelics, come on. you're either really dumb, or just a massive ass.
don't do drugs on school or job functions. that's just common sense. doesn't take an altered state of mind to get that.
|
this reads like hunter s thompson tried to write a piece about destructive obedience after having a lobotomy.
yta, and a troll.
|
yta there is a reason they don't let you participate in activities under the influence use some common sense...
|
what are you, 14? „well the teacher didn‘t say we aren’t allowed to run in the classroom, they only said not in the hallway hahaha i’m so smart“ what did you expect would happen? or did you suffer some kind brain damage and actually expected them to be like „well technically he‘s right so we can‘t throw him out“ yta
|
honestly, kinda. like, sure, it didn’t list acid specifically, but you were still under the influence of drugs
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway for obvious reasons. in late february, i went on a trip organized by my college's student association. anyone who wanted to could sign up, and they take you to this indoor adult obstacle course with a ball pit, go karts, swinging ropes, monkey bars, etc. we had to sign a waiver at the time we signed up, and one of the stipulations was that you couldn't be on the course under the influence of alcohol or marijuana. this seemed reasonable, so i agreed and signed. after arriving, i went into the bathroom and took half a tab of acid. i had an absolute blast on the go karts, tire swing, and in the ball pit (it was soooo hard to get out)! i was actually more able to do the things like monkey bars after it kicked in, so it's not as though i was stumbling and flailing around. my mistake came when i got into a conversation with an employee by the tire swing - he noticed that my pupils were enlarged, and told me i would have to leave. i told him that i was not under the influence of alcohol or marijuana, and i could tell he didn't believe me. he just kept repeating that i needed to leave, and that people were not allowed to be intoxicated on the premises. i told him that the policy only specified alcohol and marijuana, and i had not taken either. he called security, who then escorted me out. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway for obvious reasons. in late february, i went on a trip organized by my college's student association. anyone who wanted to could sign up, and they take you to this indoor adult obstacle course with a ball pit, go karts, swinging ropes, monkey bars, etc. we had to sign a waiver at the time we signed up, and one of the stipulations was that you couldn't be on the course under the influence of alcohol or marijuana. this seemed reasonable, so i agreed and signed. after arriving, i went into the bathroom and took half a tab of acid. i had an absolute blast on the go karts, tire swing, and in the ball pit (it was soooo hard to get out)! i was actually more able to do the things like monkey bars after it kicked in, so it's not as though i was stumbling and flailing around. my mistake came when i got into a conversation with an employee by the tire swing - he noticed that my pupils were enlarged, and told me i would have to leave. i told him that i was not under the influence of alcohol or marijuana, and i could tell he didn't believe me. he just kept repeating that i needed to leave, and that people were not allowed to be intoxicated on the premises. i told him that the policy only specified alcohol and marijuana, and i had not taken either. he called security, who then escorted me out. aita? [/INST] yta. you tried to use a loophole and it didn't work because it's obvious what they meant. </s>
|
AITA for telling my son he needs to be supportive of his brother who is going through a difficult time at the moment
|
i'm a father of 2. they are the same age but they aren't twins [one was born in january and the other in november]. one of my sons is incarcerated. for those who don't know or who don't have experience with the prison system, there are rules about everything including who can visit a prisoner.
am i really the asshole for telling my son to be supportive because his brother needs him now?
anyone who wants to visit my son, in person outside of the covid virus, or on a video visit or over a phone call must be on the approved list. now that my son has been sentenced and sent out of county lockup to the prison, he has to have his visitor list done. the problem is my other son [the one not incarcerated] wouldn't talk to the prison or answer questions. without co-operation he didn't pass the approval check and can't be approved. his mom and i both told him to co-operate but he wouldn't do it. if he was living with us or supported by us it would be non-negotiable. but he doesn't so even though we put our foot down he won't budget. it lead to a huge blowout between his mom and i and him. before my son was arrested they were close as anything. they were raised as twins and did everything together. same class, dress the same, same hobbies. any attempt to separate them was met with strong resistance on both their parts. now he states his brother is dead to him. we tried to put our foot down and tell him to grow up but that led to the blowout.
[for those who want to know what my son did: he was a college student and he lied to a physician about having a.d.h.d. and obtained a prescription, which he then sold the pills to others since he doesn't have a.d.h.d. the authorities were investigating a drug ring at the school. my son sold to an undercover law enforcement officer on more than one occasion and they believed at first he was part of the ring. after his arrest they wanted information he didn't have since he wasn't part of the ring. due to him having no information, to more than one overdose by some of the classmates he sold to, and him selling to undercover law enforcement he was charged heavily and convicted. i make no excuses for him. his actions were wrong unlawful and i don't seek to minimize them.]
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ruioz5/aita_for_telling_my_son_he_needs_to_be_supportive/
|
2022-01-02 20:34:01
|
yta. why do you think your incarcerated son's needs and feelings are more important than your non-criminal son's?
why does one need support and understanding yet the other one doesn't?
have you even attempted to understand why your son doesn't want to visit his brother? have you had an adult conversation with him about his feelings?
it's very likely he also needs support, not his parents being assholes to him.
|
yta. they are both adults. your attempt at interference in their relationship under any circumstances is grossly inappropriate.
the following makes you a double ah.
>if he was living with us or supported by us it would be non-negotiable.
|
yta
the son that’s not in prison isn’t obligated to engage with the one that is. he’s allowed to not be interested in having a relationship and be no contact.
i get that as a parent it’s tough but you need to back off or you’ll damage the relationship between you.
|
yta for trying to stage manage your sons’ relationships. your son made his bed, he needs to deal with the consequences which include impact on important relationships.
it sounds like you and your wife have a long pattern of seeing your children as a matched set a they are not. they are two separate people with different needs, wants and value systems. your son has every right to reduce contact with his brother - this isn’t your place to insist or force anything.
you might be better off taking a step back from your bobbsey twin narrative and start to get to know your boys as the individuals they are.
|
>am i really the asshole for telling my son to be supportive because his brother needs him now?
actually, yta; because you seem to be forgetting that you have two sons, where the one not in prison also seem to be hurting right now.
keep pushing the son not locked up and you'll find him walking away from you.
|
yta. let your son set boundaries. he is obviously hurt by his brother and needs time to process. he’s being very clear with you that he wants space from his brother, why do you think it’s okay to force them to be together? you’re putting the needs of the son in jail over the needs of the son living with you.
|
> if he was living with us or supported by us it would be non-negotiable.
imaging typing this, without a `/s` and thinking that you are not 100% the ah. the lack of respect or maturity here runs deep into your bones. impressive really.
> we tried to put our foot down and tell him to grow up but that led to the blowout.
i actually laughed out loud at this sentence. he needs to grow up? son, you manage to fire a pair of babies off into the world. a teenage is physically capable of doing the same. that **does not** make you an adult, nor does it make you mature. **you are 100% the one who has some growing to do here**.
his brother is a drug dealer. he sold drugs to people that overdosed. i cannot imagine what harm your child has done to others. his brother is 100% within his rights to disown him.
it was your job to raise a son that understand why what he did was wrong. **you failed in this task**. what his brother needs is a set of parents who are willing to put in the work now. i'm not at all convinced he has that.
> his actions were wrong unlawful and i don't seek to minimize them.
**but you did**. bit late there.
yta, and the fact that you don't understand is very likely connected to why your child is in prison right now. pull your head out of your behind, and start taking a long look in the mirror. your son needs support, not unconditional love.
your other son needs respect, which you haven't shown him. i hope you have the spine to go admit you were wrong, and beg his forgiveness. frankly, if i was your child? i would not forgive you without seeing you put in the work first. and it would not be a trivial amount of work.
|
yta. you can’t force someone to support or be involved with a family member they choose, for whatever reason, not to. he has decided he can’t get past what his brother has done, and therefore doesn’t want anything to do with him. which is frankly understandable.
he might change his mind down the road, but you demanding he do so and “putting your foot down” will do absolutely nothing but damage your relationship. back off and let him make his own decisions about who he wants in his life, or you won’t be one of them.
|
yta
both your sons are adults. let them sort their own relationship.
whatever your incarcerated son did to wind up in prison, he made his own bed.
and if it is bad enough to land in prison, there is probably a decent reason for your non-incarcerated son to want to keep his distance.
i note that you haven't said what your incarcerated son did to wind up in prison - there are some things that are pretty unforgivable. without knowing what incarcerated son was convicted of, it's impossible to judge how reasonable the other son is in distancing himself. heck, for all you've told us, he might be in prison for a crime *against* non-incarcerated brother! or something done to someone that non-incarcerated brother cares about.
as for putting your foot down and telling your son to grow up... it sounds as if he has grown up, and has reached his own conclusions on the morality of his younger brother and what he's willing to allow into his life. being "grown up" does not mean agreeing with you on all things. they may have been like twins and inseparable as children, but they're not children anymore. and you can't expect them to have the same relationship that they had as children at home together when they are adults who have followed very different paths in life.
and while you can "put your foot down" with a dependent child, you can't do so with an independent adult.
you need to give some serious thought as to what being an adult means, in terms of your relationship with both of your children. because you've already lost one to prison, and if you keep treating the other like a child whom you have the right to control, you could loose him as well.
|
yta
you can support your son all you want, but it’s not up to you if your other son wants to. depending on what your not incarcerated son wants to do with his life, your other sons choices and incarceration may have an effect on his future.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a father of 2. they are the same age but they aren't twins [one was born in january and the other in november]. one of my sons is incarcerated. for those who don't know or who don't have experience with the prison system, there are rules about everything including who can visit a prisoner. am i really the asshole for telling my son to be supportive because his brother needs him now? anyone who wants to visit my son, in person outside of the covid virus, or on a video visit or over a phone call must be on the approved list. now that my son has been sentenced and sent out of county lockup to the prison, he has to have his visitor list done. the problem is my other son [the one not incarcerated] wouldn't talk to the prison or answer questions. without co-operation he didn't pass the approval check and can't be approved. his mom and i both told him to co-operate but he wouldn't do it. if he was living with us or supported by us it would be non-negotiable. but he doesn't so even though we put our foot down he won't budget. it lead to a huge blowout between his mom and i and him. before my son was arrested they were close as anything. they were raised as twins and did everything together. same class, dress the same, same hobbies. any attempt to separate them was met with strong resistance on both their parts. now he states his brother is dead to him. we tried to put our foot down and tell him to grow up but that led to the blowout. [for those who want to know what my son did: he was a college student and he lied to a physician about having a.d.h.d. and obtained a prescription, which he then sold the pills to others since he doesn't have a.d.h.d. the authorities were investigating a drug ring at the school. my son sold to an undercover law enforcement officer on more than one occasion and they believed at first he was part of the ring. after his arrest they wanted information he didn't have since he wasn't part of the ring. due to him having no information, to more than one overdose by some of the classmates he sold to, and him selling to undercover law enforcement he was charged heavily and convicted. i make no excuses for him. his actions were wrong unlawful and i don't seek to minimize them.]
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a father of 2. they are the same age but they aren't twins [one was born in january and the other in november]. one of my sons is incarcerated. for those who don't know or who don't have experience with the prison system, there are rules about everything including who can visit a prisoner. am i really the asshole for telling my son to be supportive because his brother needs him now? anyone who wants to visit my son, in person outside of the covid virus, or on a video visit or over a phone call must be on the approved list. now that my son has been sentenced and sent out of county lockup to the prison, he has to have his visitor list done. the problem is my other son [the one not incarcerated] wouldn't talk to the prison or answer questions. without co-operation he didn't pass the approval check and can't be approved. his mom and i both told him to co-operate but he wouldn't do it. if he was living with us or supported by us it would be non-negotiable. but he doesn't so even though we put our foot down he won't budget. it lead to a huge blowout between his mom and i and him. before my son was arrested they were close as anything. they were raised as twins and did everything together. same class, dress the same, same hobbies. any attempt to separate them was met with strong resistance on both their parts. now he states his brother is dead to him. we tried to put our foot down and tell him to grow up but that led to the blowout. [for those who want to know what my son did: he was a college student and he lied to a physician about having a.d.h.d. and obtained a prescription, which he then sold the pills to others since he doesn't have a.d.h.d. the authorities were investigating a drug ring at the school. my son sold to an undercover law enforcement officer on more than one occasion and they believed at first he was part of the ring. after his arrest they wanted information he didn't have since he wasn't part of the ring. due to him having no information, to more than one overdose by some of the classmates he sold to, and him selling to undercover law enforcement he was charged heavily and convicted. i make no excuses for him. his actions were wrong unlawful and i don't seek to minimize them.] [/INST] yta. why do you think your incarcerated son's needs and feelings are more important than your non-criminal son's? why does one need support and understanding yet the other one doesn't? have you even attempted to understand why your son doesn't want to visit his brother? have you had an adult conversation with him about his feelings? it's very likely he also needs support, not his parents being assholes to him. </s>
|
AITA for exposing something an acquaintance said 10 years ago?
|
i was engaging in a casual debate with one of my fiancée’s friends. he just mentioned with hartley sawyer situation that people should be absolutely held accountable to anything they said, even if it was long ago and during a different time.
i disagreed with him respectfully, but he just outright said that there is absolutely no exception. so, you know what i had to do.
i scoured through his entire twitter account and made a program that would detect a bunch of whitelisted words. i found one where he uses the word “faggot” to refer to one of his friends. keep in mind, he was probably 14 when he posted that. i just sent him the message, and suddenly he got all pissed and said that i shouldn’t scour though his messages and that i’m being a pompous ass.
so, aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/haxj9v/aita_for_exposing_something_an_acquaintance_said/
|
2020-06-17 18:51:13
|
nta - you were holding him to his own standard that you disagreed with. it tests consistency or points out flaws in an argument.
you didn't publicly shame him, but rather privately messaged him. clearly you're not saying that he should be held accountable, but are using an example to make a valid point.
he's just mad because he doesn't want to admit you made a good point and he doesn't want to bite the bullet and say that he should be held accountable.
|
nta he was pretty much asking for it when he said that and you did what most people would do, he shouldn’t have posted it in the first place
|
nta at all fuck these time traveling bozos ! how is anyone supposed to change if the fucking world won’t let them!?!
|
nta.
if you make a statement, be prepared to back it up, or apologize for the past behaviour.
he wasn’t and was embarrassed he can’t hold up to his own standard.
|
nta i actually think you did him a favor by showing him he still has that kind of stuff on his profile, that could come back to bite him re: employment and stuff.
|
nta
him for his comments and refusal to accept that over time people change.
you digging up his old tweets to throw his words back at him was slight asshole behaviour, especially for a casual conversation but 100% justified in my opinion so not the asshole. he can eat his own words lmao.
|
nta-a fine teaching moment.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was engaging in a casual debate with one of my fiancée’s friends. he just mentioned with hartley sawyer situation that people should be absolutely held accountable to anything they said, even if it was long ago and during a different time. i disagreed with him respectfully, but he just outright said that there is absolutely no exception. so, you know what i had to do. i scoured through his entire twitter account and made a program that would detect a bunch of whitelisted words. i found one where he uses the word “faggot” to refer to one of his friends. keep in mind, he was probably 14 when he posted that. i just sent him the message, and suddenly he got all pissed and said that i shouldn’t scour though his messages and that i’m being a pompous ass. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i was engaging in a casual debate with one of my fiancée’s friends. he just mentioned with hartley sawyer situation that people should be absolutely held accountable to anything they said, even if it was long ago and during a different time. i disagreed with him respectfully, but he just outright said that there is absolutely no exception. so, you know what i had to do. i scoured through his entire twitter account and made a program that would detect a bunch of whitelisted words. i found one where he uses the word “faggot” to refer to one of his friends. keep in mind, he was probably 14 when he posted that. i just sent him the message, and suddenly he got all pissed and said that i shouldn’t scour though his messages and that i’m being a pompous ass. so, aita? [/INST] nta - you were holding him to his own standard that you disagreed with. it tests consistency or points out flaws in an argument. you didn't publicly shame him, but rather privately messaged him. clearly you're not saying that he should be held accountable, but are using an example to make a valid point. he's just mad because he doesn't want to admit you made a good point and he doesn't want to bite the bullet and say that he should be held accountable. </s>
|
AITA for drinking the soda?
|
at breakfast in a diner, my husband ordered a meal that comes with the following according to the menu: a sandwich, chips and a soda. i ordered eggs and a muffin. when the meal arrived, my husband gave me the soda and drank water. then the bill came, and they charged us for the soda, even though it comes with the meal my husband ordered.
the owner said it's because i drank it instead of him drinking it. my feeling is, it comes with the meal. it shouldn't matter who drank it. the owner told us that we don't understand how business works. i could understand if we both were drinking from it and getting refills, but i only drank the one glass of soda that was included in one of the meals we ordered. aita for arguing the charge since i did drink the soda?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zssj6k/aita_for_drinking_the_soda/
|
2022-12-22 18:02:59
|
nta. i would never go back there.
|
nta
i’ve had meals that have come with dessert and given it to my child. unless the menu says no sharing food (which would be odd), they are being ridiculous.
|
nta
this is why yelp exists.
i guess it's his restaurant his rules but that's ridiculous. it's certainly not how 'business works' so there's no reason for you to have assumed that to be the case. like you said - you weren't sharing a 'bottomless' fountain drink.
good thing you didn't have a bite of his sandwich or that owner would add a 'sharing' tax.
|
nta
the owners just itching to get money, he's being greedy. don't go back
|
nta- y'all ordered one soda. and drank one so there was no need for an extra charge
|
nta. soda is one of the cheapest things for a restaurant to serve. it doesn't matter who drank the soda. it was included in the meal, and you shouldn't have been charged.
|
nta
they would not have charged if no one drank it.
|
nta. that place looses yours custom. leave a bad review and warn others and hope they take the critism and act upon it.
|
nta - it sounds like the owner is the one who doesn't understand business. leave an accurate review and do not give them any more of your business. *that's* how business works.
|
totally nta.
the owner's argument makes zero sense.
when the soda hit the table it became your soda which you paid for already.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: at breakfast in a diner, my husband ordered a meal that comes with the following according to the menu: a sandwich, chips and a soda. i ordered eggs and a muffin. when the meal arrived, my husband gave me the soda and drank water. then the bill came, and they charged us for the soda, even though it comes with the meal my husband ordered. the owner said it's because i drank it instead of him drinking it. my feeling is, it comes with the meal. it shouldn't matter who drank it. the owner told us that we don't understand how business works. i could understand if we both were drinking from it and getting refills, but i only drank the one glass of soda that was included in one of the meals we ordered. aita for arguing the charge since i did drink the soda?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
at breakfast in a diner, my husband ordered a meal that comes with the following according to the menu: a sandwich, chips and a soda. i ordered eggs and a muffin. when the meal arrived, my husband gave me the soda and drank water. then the bill came, and they charged us for the soda, even though it comes with the meal my husband ordered. the owner said it's because i drank it instead of him drinking it. my feeling is, it comes with the meal. it shouldn't matter who drank it. the owner told us that we don't understand how business works. i could understand if we both were drinking from it and getting refills, but i only drank the one glass of soda that was included in one of the meals we ordered. aita for arguing the charge since i did drink the soda? [/INST] nta. i would never go back there. </s>
|
AITA for laughing at a story my grandma told me?
|
some context: my (18f) grandmother (70sf) moved to a rather small village when my dad was around 16/17. after both him and my late uncle (at the time of moving there he was barely a toddler) finished school, she moved a few times, after my uncle died in a car accident she moved back to the village. my dad already had family at the time and was living with us (me, sister and mom) in another city.
now my grandma is... not the easiest person to be around. "i'm not racist/homophobic, but...", she's also rather traditional and has always been a little against the way me and my sister were raised. according to her, we have never learned to "respect our elders" and my sister was pretty much a tomboy growing up, which she never really approved of either; she always bought my sister dresses to wear and tried to make her more feminine. my sister has never really been in contact with her and i mean who can blame her. my dad and grandma are not on amazing terms either and while my mom is chill with her, she's always relieved when grandma's finally out the door. i'm kinda the only one who has somewhat regular contact with her.
i was visiting her last week and she told me a story from when she lived in the village with my dad and uncle. there was another girl, we'll call her may, living there, around my dad's age, and she had her aunt and little cousin visiting. the cousin was a baby and my dad met up with may to take baby on a walk in the stroller. now you know how these villages are: gossip gossip gossip. they were getting a few suspicious looks and decided to play a prank, so when they walked past a particularly nosy bunch of old ladies, they were like "oh honey, our little one is so adorable!" "look, she has your eyes!" when my dad got home, my grandma had already received a few hysterical calls about how her son got that may girl pregnant and how they're both too young for that and where's the baby staying etc. it took some time to clear things up.
so when my grandma told me this story, i thought it was pretty funny, so i laughed. she then got really mad, because she apparently had the story intended to be some kind of lesson for me about how horrible young people are sometimes. i quote: "don't you see, this is exactly what you shouldn't do! these poor women!" i just said "i'm sure they got over themselves." which was definitely the wrong thing to say. she sulked for a few hours, then at dinner we were back to normal (cautiously cool with each other), but she still demands an apology for my reaction. i don't think i owe her one, aita if i don't apologize for laughing?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wyzdlu/aita_for_laughing_at_a_story_my_grandma_told_me/
|
2022-08-27 10:19:31
|
nta. the idea of “respect your elders” is dying. your grandma wants an apology, not for your reaction, but because you didn’t agree with her. i may get downvoted for this but many of the “elders” in this world were raised to blindly respect someone who’s older than them, so they in turn demand the same. the problem with this is, it turned the meaning of “respect” into a tool to control.
|
nta
she told you a story you found funny. you laughed. i don't know which lesson she intented you to learn, but i think your dad gave the village the best lesson. your grandma should have learned from it and be proud of him.
|
nta, grandmas idea of ‘respect your elders’ is more like do what i say because i want to control you, it was a stupid story you found funny, tell her if she wants to remain in contact she needs to apologise to you, before she alienates yet another family member 🤦🏻♀️
|
nta. you handled everything exactly right, from start to finish: the laughter, "got over themselves", not apologizing.
she wants you to apologize for not agreeing with her.
|
nta. respecting the elders is one thing, agreeing with everything they say is another. she said a story, you found it funny and laughed and you did well. she grew up in a different environment, different era. while you can't change her way of thinking, she also can't change the way you think.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: some context: my (18f) grandmother (70sf) moved to a rather small village when my dad was around 16/17. after both him and my late uncle (at the time of moving there he was barely a toddler) finished school, she moved a few times, after my uncle died in a car accident she moved back to the village. my dad already had family at the time and was living with us (me, sister and mom) in another city. now my grandma is... not the easiest person to be around. "i'm not racist/homophobic, but...", she's also rather traditional and has always been a little against the way me and my sister were raised. according to her, we have never learned to "respect our elders" and my sister was pretty much a tomboy growing up, which she never really approved of either; she always bought my sister dresses to wear and tried to make her more feminine. my sister has never really been in contact with her and i mean who can blame her. my dad and grandma are not on amazing terms either and while my mom is chill with her, she's always relieved when grandma's finally out the door. i'm kinda the only one who has somewhat regular contact with her. i was visiting her last week and she told me a story from when she lived in the village with my dad and uncle. there was another girl, we'll call her may, living there, around my dad's age, and she had her aunt and little cousin visiting. the cousin was a baby and my dad met up with may to take baby on a walk in the stroller. now you know how these villages are: gossip gossip gossip. they were getting a few suspicious looks and decided to play a prank, so when they walked past a particularly nosy bunch of old ladies, they were like "oh honey, our little one is so adorable!" "look, she has your eyes!" when my dad got home, my grandma had already received a few hysterical calls about how her son got that may girl pregnant and how they're both too young for that and where's the baby staying etc. it took some time to clear things up. so when my grandma told me this story, i thought it was pretty funny, so i laughed. she then got really mad, because she apparently had the story intended to be some kind of lesson for me about how horrible young people are sometimes. i quote: "don't you see, this is exactly what you shouldn't do! these poor women!" i just said "i'm sure they got over themselves." which was definitely the wrong thing to say. she sulked for a few hours, then at dinner we were back to normal (cautiously cool with each other), but she still demands an apology for my reaction. i don't think i owe her one, aita if i don't apologize for laughing?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
some context: my (18f) grandmother (70sf) moved to a rather small village when my dad was around 16/17. after both him and my late uncle (at the time of moving there he was barely a toddler) finished school, she moved a few times, after my uncle died in a car accident she moved back to the village. my dad already had family at the time and was living with us (me, sister and mom) in another city. now my grandma is... not the easiest person to be around. "i'm not racist/homophobic, but...", she's also rather traditional and has always been a little against the way me and my sister were raised. according to her, we have never learned to "respect our elders" and my sister was pretty much a tomboy growing up, which she never really approved of either; she always bought my sister dresses to wear and tried to make her more feminine. my sister has never really been in contact with her and i mean who can blame her. my dad and grandma are not on amazing terms either and while my mom is chill with her, she's always relieved when grandma's finally out the door. i'm kinda the only one who has somewhat regular contact with her. i was visiting her last week and she told me a story from when she lived in the village with my dad and uncle. there was another girl, we'll call her may, living there, around my dad's age, and she had her aunt and little cousin visiting. the cousin was a baby and my dad met up with may to take baby on a walk in the stroller. now you know how these villages are: gossip gossip gossip. they were getting a few suspicious looks and decided to play a prank, so when they walked past a particularly nosy bunch of old ladies, they were like "oh honey, our little one is so adorable!" "look, she has your eyes!" when my dad got home, my grandma had already received a few hysterical calls about how her son got that may girl pregnant and how they're both too young for that and where's the baby staying etc. it took some time to clear things up. so when my grandma told me this story, i thought it was pretty funny, so i laughed. she then got really mad, because she apparently had the story intended to be some kind of lesson for me about how horrible young people are sometimes. i quote: "don't you see, this is exactly what you shouldn't do! these poor women!" i just said "i'm sure they got over themselves." which was definitely the wrong thing to say. she sulked for a few hours, then at dinner we were back to normal (cautiously cool with each other), but she still demands an apology for my reaction. i don't think i owe her one, aita if i don't apologize for laughing? [/INST] nta. the idea of “respect your elders” is dying. your grandma wants an apology, not for your reaction, but because you didn’t agree with her. i may get downvoted for this but many of the “elders” in this world were raised to blindly respect someone who’s older than them, so they in turn demand the same. the problem with this is, it turned the meaning of “respect” into a tool to control. </s>
|
AITA for selling my old roommates TV?
|
so, i’m moving out of my apartment july 31st. i previously had 3 other roommates i didn’t have much of a relationship with. we never really talked. one moved out in may, the other two moved out in june. when i say they left everything, they left everything. decor on the walls, old food in the fridge, all of their plates and utensils, like literally everything. they turned their keys in to the leasing office and moved to miami together and got a new apartment. i hadn’t heard from them other than the “we are leaving. goodbye forever” text until last night. while i was cleaning everything, i ended up selling the tv they left. i didn’t need it and it was clear they weren’t coming back for it. anyway, last night one of them texts me “have you moved out yet?” i say “no, not until saturday” she says “okay i’m visiting a few friends. i’m gonna come pick up my tv. what time will you be there to let me in?” i told her i sold it and now she’s angry. they told me they were gone for good, they turned their keys in. they were fine with me having to clean out the rest of their shit. aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ot1krt/aita_for_selling_my_old_roommates_tv/
|
2021-07-28 03:11:53
|
nta
consider the money you got from selling the tv your compensation for cleaning up the mess they left.
good luck!
|
nta.
when you leave a unit, you take your shit with you. if you leave your shit behind, first that's a dick move because it sticks the next person with cleaning up your mess, and second it's basically abandoning your shit.
if they push it, tell them you are charging them a storage and removal fee for all the stuff they left behind, and it's the cost of the tv.
|
nta. unless they made arrangements to claim their stuff at a later date, you were left to clean up their mess as they left it when they turned their keys in. and that mess included the tv.
|
nta. they abandoned it. not your problem.
|
nta - in some states, it's as little as like 7 - 10 days to be considered abandoned property. some state 30 days or more. depending on where you live, it may have already hit that time frame. plus, no one made contact with you to make arrangements. it's on them. they left it behind for the last 30+ days....oh well, it's your property now. they should've made arrangements weeks ago.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, i’m moving out of my apartment july 31st. i previously had 3 other roommates i didn’t have much of a relationship with. we never really talked. one moved out in may, the other two moved out in june. when i say they left everything, they left everything. decor on the walls, old food in the fridge, all of their plates and utensils, like literally everything. they turned their keys in to the leasing office and moved to miami together and got a new apartment. i hadn’t heard from them other than the “we are leaving. goodbye forever” text until last night. while i was cleaning everything, i ended up selling the tv they left. i didn’t need it and it was clear they weren’t coming back for it. anyway, last night one of them texts me “have you moved out yet?” i say “no, not until saturday” she says “okay i’m visiting a few friends. i’m gonna come pick up my tv. what time will you be there to let me in?” i told her i sold it and now she’s angry. they told me they were gone for good, they turned their keys in. they were fine with me having to clean out the rest of their shit. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, i’m moving out of my apartment july 31st. i previously had 3 other roommates i didn’t have much of a relationship with. we never really talked. one moved out in may, the other two moved out in june. when i say they left everything, they left everything. decor on the walls, old food in the fridge, all of their plates and utensils, like literally everything. they turned their keys in to the leasing office and moved to miami together and got a new apartment. i hadn’t heard from them other than the “we are leaving. goodbye forever” text until last night. while i was cleaning everything, i ended up selling the tv they left. i didn’t need it and it was clear they weren’t coming back for it. anyway, last night one of them texts me “have you moved out yet?” i say “no, not until saturday” she says “okay i’m visiting a few friends. i’m gonna come pick up my tv. what time will you be there to let me in?” i told her i sold it and now she’s angry. they told me they were gone for good, they turned their keys in. they were fine with me having to clean out the rest of their shit. aita? [/INST] nta consider the money you got from selling the tv your compensation for cleaning up the mess they left. good luck! </s>
|
WIBTA if I left my mom behind in an abusive home?
|
there has been growing tension between myself (20f) and my father (62f) since i started dating my boyfriend (21m) in 8th grade. we were 13 and 14 at the time, my father was against it, and still is 7 years later. my boyfriend’s parents, who am i really close with, give their kids a lot of freedom, and my father definitely has a problem with it. throughout middle school, high school, and my first two years of college (i live at home and commute), i have fought with my father about what i was or wasn’t allowed to do in my free time. in high school, i wasn’t allowed to go to a football game. even now (pre-pandemic, but also in a general sense) i am not allowed to go out “last minute” on the weekends, so my plans have to be set in stone at least 2 days beforehand and can still be vetoed by my father. the reason “because i said so” is still valid in my father’s mind even though i am almost 21 years old. there are plenty of other small instances that have happened over the years that all point to my father having an extreme issue with control. i have always been, and still am, a straight a student so my father’s argument to me that my boyfriend is a bad influence makes no sense to me. my boyfriend just encourages me to stand up for myself, which my father obviously doesn’t like. while my mother (59f) would stand up for me, nothing has changed, which led to her and i coming up with lies about where i was going/who i was with to get out of the house. she was always aware of where i actually was.
leading to today. my father, suspecting that i was lying, recently went through my text messages and presented me with “evidence” that i was lying to him and sending inappropriate texts to my boyfriend. i was furious with him for invading my privacy. he claims he “doesn’t know me”, is threatening to stop paying the small portion of my tuition that he contributes to, take me off the car insurance which i need to commute to school, and is threatening to confront my boyfriend (who has been encouraging me to move out for over a year at this point) because all he wants is “a good f*ck”. it makes me feel horrible. my boyfriend’s parents are willing to take me into their home and support me. my main concern is leaving my mom behind in this environment. he is just as controlling with her, if not more. he controls all of the finances, while she turns over her entire paycheck to pay monthly house bills because my father is self-employed working from home. she says she recognizes that these are clear signs of an abusive marriage, but she is scared that she won’t be able to support herself if she left. after our most recent argument, she has repeatedly told me she will leave, but i’m not sure if she is being completely truthful with herself or me. i feel like i wbta if she is actually going to make an effort to leave and i move out without helping her. wibta if i leave without my mom?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l6mmbl/wibta_if_i_left_my_mom_behind_in_an_abusive_home/
|
2021-01-28 03:18:07
|
nta
as hard as it is to leave, you cannot protect her by staying. all you can do is put yourself in his dangerous sphere of influence. keep the lines of communication open, be ready to help her if she decides to get out, but she has to be the one that ultimately makes the decision to protect herself and leave.
|
nta - she may well be waiting to leave until she's sure you're safe.
move. now. that may give her the impetus to get out of the abusive situation. there are resources to help women get away from abusers. there are shelters, there are lots of ways. there's also spousal support if he decides to try to leave her penniless. it may be rough for a bit... but can't be worse than living in misery.. especially since there's freedom at the end of the tunnel.
you cannot live your life in fear and misery. your mother is a grown woman, and she needs to take care of herself just as you do.
i would say - record any voicemails/hatefulness/emails/anything abusive you can. it may help your mother when it is time to file for divorce. encourage her to do the same.
|
she's an adult. let her know you'll support her however you can when she leaves but you won't continue to let her enable your father's abuse of you.
nta
|
nta. it’s like on the plane - always put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting someone else. get out, get safe, and then you can start trying to help your mom get out if you want to do that.
|
nta - you should absolutely take care of yourself first, help your mom as you can from the outside.
i stayed in a situation very similar to this for much longer than i should have. i have thrived every second out of that house and i would not be where i am now if i didn’t leave when i did.
|
nta
you can’t protect your mother. and unpopular time, it’s not your job to protect your mother. she realizes the situation she’s in, and it’s on her to change it if she wants.
as the child in the relationship, you can only look out for yourself and your well being. good luck.
|
nta your mom could have brought you out of that house when you were a kid. she didn't. she's an adult. i know it's not simply as easy as walking out of an abusive situation, but it's your mom's to rescue herself. it is not your job to rescue her. you can help her (however you can and are comfortable doing so) when she's ready to leave, but you can't force her to be ready to leave before she's actually ready.
|
nta - staying doesn't protect her, as she is having to cover for you and keep you out of his abuse. leaving her with an abusive partner would be bad if you were in any position of power, but you are not. if possible you could help her by finding resources to make leaving safer/easier, but otherwise just do what you can to get out asap.
|
nta! get the hell out now. you’re not responsible for your mom, just yourself! please get out asap
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: there has been growing tension between myself (20f) and my father (62f) since i started dating my boyfriend (21m) in 8th grade. we were 13 and 14 at the time, my father was against it, and still is 7 years later. my boyfriend’s parents, who am i really close with, give their kids a lot of freedom, and my father definitely has a problem with it. throughout middle school, high school, and my first two years of college (i live at home and commute), i have fought with my father about what i was or wasn’t allowed to do in my free time. in high school, i wasn’t allowed to go to a football game. even now (pre-pandemic, but also in a general sense) i am not allowed to go out “last minute” on the weekends, so my plans have to be set in stone at least 2 days beforehand and can still be vetoed by my father. the reason “because i said so” is still valid in my father’s mind even though i am almost 21 years old. there are plenty of other small instances that have happened over the years that all point to my father having an extreme issue with control. i have always been, and still am, a straight a student so my father’s argument to me that my boyfriend is a bad influence makes no sense to me. my boyfriend just encourages me to stand up for myself, which my father obviously doesn’t like. while my mother (59f) would stand up for me, nothing has changed, which led to her and i coming up with lies about where i was going/who i was with to get out of the house. she was always aware of where i actually was. leading to today. my father, suspecting that i was lying, recently went through my text messages and presented me with “evidence” that i was lying to him and sending inappropriate texts to my boyfriend. i was furious with him for invading my privacy. he claims he “doesn’t know me”, is threatening to stop paying the small portion of my tuition that he contributes to, take me off the car insurance which i need to commute to school, and is threatening to confront my boyfriend (who has been encouraging me to move out for over a year at this point) because all he wants is “a good f*ck”. it makes me feel horrible. my boyfriend’s parents are willing to take me into their home and support me. my main concern is leaving my mom behind in this environment. he is just as controlling with her, if not more. he controls all of the finances, while she turns over her entire paycheck to pay monthly house bills because my father is self-employed working from home. she says she recognizes that these are clear signs of an abusive marriage, but she is scared that she won’t be able to support herself if she left. after our most recent argument, she has repeatedly told me she will leave, but i’m not sure if she is being completely truthful with herself or me. i feel like i wbta if she is actually going to make an effort to leave and i move out without helping her. wibta if i leave without my mom?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
there has been growing tension between myself (20f) and my father (62f) since i started dating my boyfriend (21m) in 8th grade. we were 13 and 14 at the time, my father was against it, and still is 7 years later. my boyfriend’s parents, who am i really close with, give their kids a lot of freedom, and my father definitely has a problem with it. throughout middle school, high school, and my first two years of college (i live at home and commute), i have fought with my father about what i was or wasn’t allowed to do in my free time. in high school, i wasn’t allowed to go to a football game. even now (pre-pandemic, but also in a general sense) i am not allowed to go out “last minute” on the weekends, so my plans have to be set in stone at least 2 days beforehand and can still be vetoed by my father. the reason “because i said so” is still valid in my father’s mind even though i am almost 21 years old. there are plenty of other small instances that have happened over the years that all point to my father having an extreme issue with control. i have always been, and still am, a straight a student so my father’s argument to me that my boyfriend is a bad influence makes no sense to me. my boyfriend just encourages me to stand up for myself, which my father obviously doesn’t like. while my mother (59f) would stand up for me, nothing has changed, which led to her and i coming up with lies about where i was going/who i was with to get out of the house. she was always aware of where i actually was. leading to today. my father, suspecting that i was lying, recently went through my text messages and presented me with “evidence” that i was lying to him and sending inappropriate texts to my boyfriend. i was furious with him for invading my privacy. he claims he “doesn’t know me”, is threatening to stop paying the small portion of my tuition that he contributes to, take me off the car insurance which i need to commute to school, and is threatening to confront my boyfriend (who has been encouraging me to move out for over a year at this point) because all he wants is “a good f*ck”. it makes me feel horrible. my boyfriend’s parents are willing to take me into their home and support me. my main concern is leaving my mom behind in this environment. he is just as controlling with her, if not more. he controls all of the finances, while she turns over her entire paycheck to pay monthly house bills because my father is self-employed working from home. she says she recognizes that these are clear signs of an abusive marriage, but she is scared that she won’t be able to support herself if she left. after our most recent argument, she has repeatedly told me she will leave, but i’m not sure if she is being completely truthful with herself or me. i feel like i wbta if she is actually going to make an effort to leave and i move out without helping her. wibta if i leave without my mom? [/INST] nta as hard as it is to leave, you cannot protect her by staying. all you can do is put yourself in his dangerous sphere of influence. keep the lines of communication open, be ready to help her if she decides to get out, but she has to be the one that ultimately makes the decision to protect herself and leave. </s>
|
AITA for impersonating moana at a kids party?
|
my mom is an event coordinator and has a moana themed party this weekend. she’s been really busy planning things with the client, buying decorations and coordinating with her vendors.
very last minute, she realized she didn’t book a moana impersonator for the party, so she asked if i could do it. it’d be pretty simple, wearing moanas outfit (which she ordered from amazon) and posing for pictures.
however, i told my samoan boyfriend about it and it really upset him. he thinks it’s disrespectful because i’m not polynesian. i think he sees it as a form of cultural appropriation i guess.
i’m not trying to appropriate anyone’s culture, i’m just trying to give my mom a hand.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/feji8s/aita_for_impersonating_moana_at_a_kids_party/
|
2020-03-06 20:20:05
|
nta... it’s cosplay. just don’t try to make your skin any darker than it is because then it’s blackface/brownface and obviously that’s not ok. anyone can cosplay any character of any gender of any color as long as they do it respectfully.
|
nta. it’s not cultural appropriation to dress as a character created by the disney corporation.
|
nah
his heart’s in the right place, but it’s a kids party. i’m sure they will be more upset with no moana, and people dress up as disney characters a lot even if they don’t match the ethnicity of whichever character they’re doing. go for it :)
|
nta , it's not a luau party or something, it's directly imitating a film. one person does not represent the opinion of all, but as this is from a movie, i think the opinion of the voice actress should count for something.
quote from people (auli’i cravalho, the hawaii-born actress who voices moana, wants fans to feel welcome to dress as the driven, strong-willed leading lady for halloween.
“i think it’s absolutely appropriate,” cravalho, 17, tells people. “it’s done in the spirit of love and for disney and for the little ones who just want to dress up as their favorite heroine, i’m all for it.”
and her directive goes for moana lovers of all ages. “i would encourage anyone who wants to dress up as a wayfinder who journeys beyond her reef to figure out who she truly is, i totally support you. go for it!” cravalho says. “parents can dress up as moana, too.”)
this is about halloween, and disney may not approve for royalty reasons, but the fact remains is the feeling behind the action is children's love of that specific character.
|
nta, if you were going to change your skin tone, then there would be a problem. it's a kids birthday party.
|
nta. going by that logic no girl of color can dress up as cinderella? tell that to my 5 year old niece. i will pay to be present there.
|
my husband is polynesian and i just asked, he doesn’t see any issue. nta
|
nta - if there can be black and asian elvis's (pl) than you can be moana.
&#x200b;
what is the plural of elvis? elvis's, elvises, elvisie?
|
nta i'm samoan. people in america tend to be obsessed with identity and stuff but your situation is totally understandable. don't see no problems with it at all.
|
nta-you’re doing it for a kids party not trying to appropriate a culture that isn’t yours.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom is an event coordinator and has a moana themed party this weekend. she’s been really busy planning things with the client, buying decorations and coordinating with her vendors. very last minute, she realized she didn’t book a moana impersonator for the party, so she asked if i could do it. it’d be pretty simple, wearing moanas outfit (which she ordered from amazon) and posing for pictures. however, i told my samoan boyfriend about it and it really upset him. he thinks it’s disrespectful because i’m not polynesian. i think he sees it as a form of cultural appropriation i guess. i’m not trying to appropriate anyone’s culture, i’m just trying to give my mom a hand.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mom is an event coordinator and has a moana themed party this weekend. she’s been really busy planning things with the client, buying decorations and coordinating with her vendors. very last minute, she realized she didn’t book a moana impersonator for the party, so she asked if i could do it. it’d be pretty simple, wearing moanas outfit (which she ordered from amazon) and posing for pictures. however, i told my samoan boyfriend about it and it really upset him. he thinks it’s disrespectful because i’m not polynesian. i think he sees it as a form of cultural appropriation i guess. i’m not trying to appropriate anyone’s culture, i’m just trying to give my mom a hand. [/INST] nta... it’s cosplay. just don’t try to make your skin any darker than it is because then it’s blackface/brownface and obviously that’s not ok. anyone can cosplay any character of any gender of any color as long as they do it respectfully. </s>
|
AITA for being concerned about living next door to family?
|
when we met my partner lived about an hour and a half away. when we got serious we decided she would move here as i had a good job, the job opportunities were better for her and there is just way more to see and do here (i live in a bigger city, she lived in a smaller rural city/town). we're looking to buy at the moment and we're not sure whether to do it here or there.
we are different when it comes toour families. i love my family and i am close to them but i can sometimes go weeks without speaking to them. my partner talks to her parents at least every other day and texts her sister literally all day every day + has 2-4 video chats with her every day. they are insanely close which is lovely for them.
so today her sister sends her a house that is 1 door down from hers. it looks really really nice, it has everything we could need and it's within our price range so all looks good.
i said to my partner my one big concern is living so close to them and that would mean that they would be around all the time and we don't get family time anymore. my partner insists they would never do that and i said i'm not convinced that's right since they talk so much it's hard to imagine they wouldn't just pop in when it's 10 second walk away.
the whole thing just devolved from there with my partner demanding i tell how much would be too much time for them to be around. i told her it's ridiculous to expect me to be able to put a set time limit on it, ill just know when it feels like too much.
i've tried to point out i'm just trying to tell her how i feel and my concerns and she just gets more and more annoyed and says that i'm telling her what will happen and i'm wrong and don't know her family. i'm trying to saying i'm not saying it will definitely happen but i'm concerned about it and think it will.
i pointed out that her dad has said he wouldn't live that close to family as he likes his space and privacy but when i pointed that out to her he was now 'joking' despite the amount of times he has said it and she has said her dad likes his space.
so aita for being concerned that our privacy and family time will start to disappear living so close to family?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pt791f/aita_for_being_concerned_about_living_next_door/
|
2021-09-22 13:12:10
|
nta. you are valid for voicing your concerns. that doesnt make you wrong for speculating. your partner is being very defensive, likely because she knows you're right.
|
nta nooo
we bought our first house 5 houses down from my in-laws. i had 2 babies 11 months apart and was so overwhelmed i thought it would be great. worst mistake i ever made. we moved less than a year later. i was postpartum and also in fantasy land. it ended up like that show everybody loves raymond but a thousand times worse.
think about this decision really really hard.
|
nta. they need boundaries and they’re stomping all over yours. i’m surprised that your partner’s sister hasn’t just asked you to move in with them at this point, if i’m honest.
|
nta. there are always adjustments and “growing pains” when in laws are added to the mix. your concern is definitely a valid one, and as long as you expressed it kindly, you’re right. it’d maybe help if you could say something like “ok, if we move that close to your sister, i’d like to have friday or saturday, and one day during the week, reserved just for us as a pair, without any other family around. i love you and want to make sure we have our time together as a priority too” if she still won’t even agree to something like that, no way would i agree to move closer than a 15 minute drive to any of her family. and this comes from someone who speaks to her mother in some form or another almost daily (she does live 350 miles away though)
|
nta at all. maybe if she keeps insisting that you have to tell her how much time together is too much, you should tell her that you can't do that until the situation arises, but that this will be a boundary she should expect you to set in the future. being upfront that one day she will need to tell her sister to call first before coming over, and don't call if she was there yesterday, is reasonable.
|
nta, your partner's family already has no boundaries, and neither does your partner. if you buy the house, what can you say about it later when you are proved right except 'see, l told you.
when you are starting your journey as a cohabiting couple, you need to be the priority not your partner's family. they will force you into a corner and you partner will defend them.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when we met my partner lived about an hour and a half away. when we got serious we decided she would move here as i had a good job, the job opportunities were better for her and there is just way more to see and do here (i live in a bigger city, she lived in a smaller rural city/town). we're looking to buy at the moment and we're not sure whether to do it here or there. we are different when it comes toour families. i love my family and i am close to them but i can sometimes go weeks without speaking to them. my partner talks to her parents at least every other day and texts her sister literally all day every day + has 2-4 video chats with her every day. they are insanely close which is lovely for them. so today her sister sends her a house that is 1 door down from hers. it looks really really nice, it has everything we could need and it's within our price range so all looks good. i said to my partner my one big concern is living so close to them and that would mean that they would be around all the time and we don't get family time anymore. my partner insists they would never do that and i said i'm not convinced that's right since they talk so much it's hard to imagine they wouldn't just pop in when it's 10 second walk away. the whole thing just devolved from there with my partner demanding i tell how much would be too much time for them to be around. i told her it's ridiculous to expect me to be able to put a set time limit on it, ill just know when it feels like too much. i've tried to point out i'm just trying to tell her how i feel and my concerns and she just gets more and more annoyed and says that i'm telling her what will happen and i'm wrong and don't know her family. i'm trying to saying i'm not saying it will definitely happen but i'm concerned about it and think it will. i pointed out that her dad has said he wouldn't live that close to family as he likes his space and privacy but when i pointed that out to her he was now 'joking' despite the amount of times he has said it and she has said her dad likes his space. so aita for being concerned that our privacy and family time will start to disappear living so close to family?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
when we met my partner lived about an hour and a half away. when we got serious we decided she would move here as i had a good job, the job opportunities were better for her and there is just way more to see and do here (i live in a bigger city, she lived in a smaller rural city/town). we're looking to buy at the moment and we're not sure whether to do it here or there. we are different when it comes toour families. i love my family and i am close to them but i can sometimes go weeks without speaking to them. my partner talks to her parents at least every other day and texts her sister literally all day every day + has 2-4 video chats with her every day. they are insanely close which is lovely for them. so today her sister sends her a house that is 1 door down from hers. it looks really really nice, it has everything we could need and it's within our price range so all looks good. i said to my partner my one big concern is living so close to them and that would mean that they would be around all the time and we don't get family time anymore. my partner insists they would never do that and i said i'm not convinced that's right since they talk so much it's hard to imagine they wouldn't just pop in when it's 10 second walk away. the whole thing just devolved from there with my partner demanding i tell how much would be too much time for them to be around. i told her it's ridiculous to expect me to be able to put a set time limit on it, ill just know when it feels like too much. i've tried to point out i'm just trying to tell her how i feel and my concerns and she just gets more and more annoyed and says that i'm telling her what will happen and i'm wrong and don't know her family. i'm trying to saying i'm not saying it will definitely happen but i'm concerned about it and think it will. i pointed out that her dad has said he wouldn't live that close to family as he likes his space and privacy but when i pointed that out to her he was now 'joking' despite the amount of times he has said it and she has said her dad likes his space. so aita for being concerned that our privacy and family time will start to disappear living so close to family? [/INST] nta. you are valid for voicing your concerns. that doesnt make you wrong for speculating. your partner is being very defensive, likely because she knows you're right. </s>
|
WIBTA Refusing to give my friend a ride to the airport because her car broke down?
|
this morning i was laying in bed to get a call from my friend that is planning on going to indiana from florida today, her moms truck broke down and she called me asking to bring her to the airport.
some context as to why i said no, in april she asked me to bring her to the mall about an hour away, she spend my money on something she wanted ($80), then a week later quits her job.
she’s been begging me to see a friend every day that lives about 20 minutes away, i’ve always said no.
i told her i can’t because money is really tight for the week and with gas being $4.67 a gallon driving ~90 miles is to expensive, on top of her owing me $80. she also told me that she would sell her xbox to pay me back, instead she used to to buy the plane ticket. for the past hour she has been calling everyone she knows to an answer of “no” and now she’s back at me begging for a ride. i’m very hesitant to say yes because recently she had been treating me like i’m a lesser person using me for my car, and money.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uunjkp/wibta_refusing_to_give_my_friend_a_ride_to_the/
|
2022-05-21 13:51:07
|
nta . she can get a uber driver is she’s so desperate
|
nta
you are not an uber. plus unless you want to spend $40 for gas, this isn’t a reasonable thing to ask, especially since you can’t afford to take her.
a true friend knows “no” is a complete sentence and will scrap the money together for a taxi or the cheap shuttle the airport offers.
imho
|
nta. poor planning on her part is not an emergency on yours. she's facing the consequences of her actions. not your problem. (also, for what it's worth, she doesn't meet my definition of a friend.)
|
nta.
let her know you're not available, and you don't need to give her a reason. if she really needs to get to the airport, there are other options - it'll just cost her, not you.
|
nta. i wouldn't give her a ride either.
|
nta - why are you even friends with this person. they’re a user.
|
nta. she already owes you money, is she going to pay for the gas to take her to the airport? *(an aita chorus of 'nooooo' echoes across the subreddit)*. uber exists, taxi's services exist. bus lines exist. you already know what this person thinks of you: '**recently she had been treating me like i’m a lesser person using me for my car, and money'** listen to yourself and don't allow this freeloader to take advantage of you anymore, her problems are not yours to solve.
|
nta. she's using you, she seems to be ungrateful, and doesn't follow through on anything to make things right. luckily, none of that is your problem.
tell her (if you're considering) you need cash in hand or venmo first before you go anywhere. it's not your responsibility to foot the bill for her.
she will likely protest and that's your chance to make a clean break. personally i'd have cut my losses a long time ago.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this morning i was laying in bed to get a call from my friend that is planning on going to indiana from florida today, her moms truck broke down and she called me asking to bring her to the airport. some context as to why i said no, in april she asked me to bring her to the mall about an hour away, she spend my money on something she wanted ($80), then a week later quits her job. she’s been begging me to see a friend every day that lives about 20 minutes away, i’ve always said no. i told her i can’t because money is really tight for the week and with gas being $4.67 a gallon driving ~90 miles is to expensive, on top of her owing me $80. she also told me that she would sell her xbox to pay me back, instead she used to to buy the plane ticket. for the past hour she has been calling everyone she knows to an answer of “no” and now she’s back at me begging for a ride. i’m very hesitant to say yes because recently she had been treating me like i’m a lesser person using me for my car, and money.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this morning i was laying in bed to get a call from my friend that is planning on going to indiana from florida today, her moms truck broke down and she called me asking to bring her to the airport. some context as to why i said no, in april she asked me to bring her to the mall about an hour away, she spend my money on something she wanted ($80), then a week later quits her job. she’s been begging me to see a friend every day that lives about 20 minutes away, i’ve always said no. i told her i can’t because money is really tight for the week and with gas being $4.67 a gallon driving ~90 miles is to expensive, on top of her owing me $80. she also told me that she would sell her xbox to pay me back, instead she used to to buy the plane ticket. for the past hour she has been calling everyone she knows to an answer of “no” and now she’s back at me begging for a ride. i’m very hesitant to say yes because recently she had been treating me like i’m a lesser person using me for my car, and money. [/INST] nta . she can get a uber driver is she’s so desperate </s>
|
AITA for not giving up my room to my brother?
|
here's some background info, my mom wanted a divorce from my dad so she got her own place. it's only a 2 bedroom house and she's in the process of remodeling it to make it a 3 bedroom house so my brother has his own room when he stays the weekend. her bedroom is not done yet.
i work full time, im 19 and graduated and get treated like shit day in and day out but i've gotten used to it and learned to stick up for myself.
yesterday i worked a 9 hour shift and got off work at 10 pm. my boyfriend asked if i wanted to go out to eat with him before i went home because we both had crappy days. i locked my keys in the car for the very first time, had rude customers all night, and had a killer headache all day. all i wanted after a long day was to relax in my bed and go to sleep. while i am enjoying my meal with my boyfriend my mom texts me and asks if my brother could sleep in my room tonight and if i could sleep with her. i reply with "he can sleep in my bed until i get home," indicating that i am not comfortable with him sleeping in there and potentially going through my room. she replied with "no! he needs to sleep in there all night. you can sleep with me in my room because you're a girl. he needs a place to sleep." i never replied because there was no winning this situation. when i go to my dads i sleep on the couch, if it's acceptable for me to do it there. it should be acceptable for him to do it here. fair is fair. when i got home i went into my room and layed down and eventually fell asleep. now, my family is mad. am i the asshole for not giving up my room to my brother?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhfaiy/aita_for_not_giving_up_my_room_to_my_brother/
|
2019-10-13 19:32:56
|
info: how old your brother? does he work as well? as far as you saying ‘i get treated like shit day in & day out’, is this from family members?
|
nta but also why does gender matter if hes her son? he should sleep in her room with her.
|
nta
you had a rough day and just wanted to sleep in your own bed. a night on the couch will not kill your brother.
|
nta
your room is your room. but based on your story, you're going to be putting up with this sort of stuff until you gain some sort of independence, and if push comes to shove you're the one in a position to have your arm twisted.
|
nta. your mother obviously favours your brother over you, and it sucks. you should put your foot down and ask your brother to sleep on the couch. idk about your family dynamics but he could also stay with your father till the time your mother's house is remodeled.
regardless of that, you should talk things out with your mother ,make her see that it's necessary for you to have a private space as you need to unwind from all the stress from your work.
|
even after you move out they are gonna keep expecting shit from you. always keep in mind that you don't owe your parents anything physical for bringing you into the world and providing for you. all you owe them is appreciation for what they have done. that said. anytime they try to push anything onto you remind them about how they made it clear that relying on them was they reason they could control you in any capacity and now they have no right to any of your time, space, goods, or respect. however i would let them know that they are welcome to try and earn those things back.
| null | null | null | null |
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: here's some background info, my mom wanted a divorce from my dad so she got her own place. it's only a 2 bedroom house and she's in the process of remodeling it to make it a 3 bedroom house so my brother has his own room when he stays the weekend. her bedroom is not done yet. i work full time, im 19 and graduated and get treated like shit day in and day out but i've gotten used to it and learned to stick up for myself. yesterday i worked a 9 hour shift and got off work at 10 pm. my boyfriend asked if i wanted to go out to eat with him before i went home because we both had crappy days. i locked my keys in the car for the very first time, had rude customers all night, and had a killer headache all day. all i wanted after a long day was to relax in my bed and go to sleep. while i am enjoying my meal with my boyfriend my mom texts me and asks if my brother could sleep in my room tonight and if i could sleep with her. i reply with "he can sleep in my bed until i get home," indicating that i am not comfortable with him sleeping in there and potentially going through my room. she replied with "no! he needs to sleep in there all night. you can sleep with me in my room because you're a girl. he needs a place to sleep." i never replied because there was no winning this situation. when i go to my dads i sleep on the couch, if it's acceptable for me to do it there. it should be acceptable for him to do it here. fair is fair. when i got home i went into my room and layed down and eventually fell asleep. now, my family is mad. am i the asshole for not giving up my room to my brother?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
here's some background info, my mom wanted a divorce from my dad so she got her own place. it's only a 2 bedroom house and she's in the process of remodeling it to make it a 3 bedroom house so my brother has his own room when he stays the weekend. her bedroom is not done yet. i work full time, im 19 and graduated and get treated like shit day in and day out but i've gotten used to it and learned to stick up for myself. yesterday i worked a 9 hour shift and got off work at 10 pm. my boyfriend asked if i wanted to go out to eat with him before i went home because we both had crappy days. i locked my keys in the car for the very first time, had rude customers all night, and had a killer headache all day. all i wanted after a long day was to relax in my bed and go to sleep. while i am enjoying my meal with my boyfriend my mom texts me and asks if my brother could sleep in my room tonight and if i could sleep with her. i reply with "he can sleep in my bed until i get home," indicating that i am not comfortable with him sleeping in there and potentially going through my room. she replied with "no! he needs to sleep in there all night. you can sleep with me in my room because you're a girl. he needs a place to sleep." i never replied because there was no winning this situation. when i go to my dads i sleep on the couch, if it's acceptable for me to do it there. it should be acceptable for him to do it here. fair is fair. when i got home i went into my room and layed down and eventually fell asleep. now, my family is mad. am i the asshole for not giving up my room to my brother? [/INST] info: how old your brother? does he work as well? as far as you saying ‘i get treated like shit day in & day out’, is this from family members? </s>
|
AITA for telling my best friend no one would go to her wedding?
|
i’m seeing some wedding posts today and decided to post my own. she doesn’t follow this sub but she does know my name, so throwaway. ugh. have to shorten and resubmit.
my best friend and i have know each other since we were babies. so i’m moh.
they met in college and while i think they’re moving too fast, they really are happy together. they can afford a wedding, so we start planning. long story short, everything is fairly easy and goes well.
then fiancé has a hissy fit because the bride chose the chocolate cake they both tasted and loved over the carrot cake she did not like. and basically he has an issue with everything now.
suddenly the wedding is off.
i find out later fiancé went crazy because his parents were being insane. when he told them what they were planning they didn’t have a nice thing to say and threatened to not come if this or that wasn’t changed.
anyway. here’s where i might be the asshole.
after the fiasco of the plans blowing up, fiancé convinced her to do a destination wedding closer to where his parents live. now two of his friends and about 4 family members live there.
she gets excited again now that plans are back on and let’s me know this so i can help her replan. i’m sorry to say but i didn’t even smile. i told her moving the wedding was a ‘stupid idea’ and no one was going to come. she obviously got very angry at me.
look, we’re all in our 20s. we’re barely surviving. very few are financially stable. some of us have at least one kid. one of the bridesmaids is still in college. we can’t afford plane tickets, hotels, babysitters, dresses, uber / a car and meals for multiple days. it’s not realistic. i can’t do it and i told her i wasn’t going to be there. i work in a grocery store and have an internship...
she did a save the date on facebook before getting real invitations. as i predicted, almost all of their friends and basically all her family said no. so if everyone who rsvpd shows, her 50ish person wedding is down to maybe ~11. now she’s not speaking to me as i must have told everyone she invited to say no because i ‘just don’t want to do this one thing for her.’ ‘you’re jealous i’m getting married first.’ and i have no idea what she actually said to some people but i got a bunch of nasty texts. the major takeaway was ‘why can’t i just be excited with her? it’s my job to make sure she’s happy. it’s none of my business where they choose to have the wedding. mind your own business. if you’re not paying for it keep your mouth shut.’
now the wedding is off, again, because no one is going. she isn’t talking to me.
so yep. ruined my best friends wedding apparently by telling the truth. am i an asshole for telling her this idea wasn’t going to work for basically anyone? and then being right? should i have ‘kept my mouth shut’ and let her find out on her own no one would go?
we live in south carolina. his family is in washington state if this matters at all.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/etvbrq/aita_for_telling_my_best_friend_no_one_would_go/
|
2020-01-25 19:31:48
|
nta. you probably could have been a little more tactful in telling her, but your reasoning is understandable.
but there's a good chance she overreacted like that because she is getting cold feet or something similar. her relationship doesn't sound like it's going to survive forever
|
nta. you told her the truth. it’s not a realistic decision to make. just because they may be in a decent financial situation, most 20 somethings these days are not. in my opinion you were a good friend by being honest and trying to warn her to prevent this exact situation from happening.
|
esh. you could have been so much more diplomatic, even if you don’t like her choices, you can still be supportive in encouraging her to consider all options.
your friend can’t plan a destination wedding and expect everyone to attend, or blame you when they decline.
|
nta. you didn’t ruin her wedding, you told her a truth she didn’t want to hear. sounds like there was an abundance of drama way before your comment. not your monkeys, not your circus.
|
nta. i would seriously consider not reaching her again. i mean, i get that she could was offended but she's also nuts af.
|
nta i would want to know that if i was her. she’s just being immature.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. these two have no business getting married yet. they are obviously in a volatile relationship.
|
i laughed out loud at "it's (op's) job to make sure she's happy"
|
nta and if she can't see the red flags of control his parents have over him, she's going to have a terrible marriage. you didn't do anything wrong, she's taking it out on you because you were right and she can't blame him right now for being the ah.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m seeing some wedding posts today and decided to post my own. she doesn’t follow this sub but she does know my name, so throwaway. ugh. have to shorten and resubmit. my best friend and i have know each other since we were babies. so i’m moh. they met in college and while i think they’re moving too fast, they really are happy together. they can afford a wedding, so we start planning. long story short, everything is fairly easy and goes well. then fiancé has a hissy fit because the bride chose the chocolate cake they both tasted and loved over the carrot cake she did not like. and basically he has an issue with everything now. suddenly the wedding is off. i find out later fiancé went crazy because his parents were being insane. when he told them what they were planning they didn’t have a nice thing to say and threatened to not come if this or that wasn’t changed. anyway. here’s where i might be the asshole. after the fiasco of the plans blowing up, fiancé convinced her to do a destination wedding closer to where his parents live. now two of his friends and about 4 family members live there. she gets excited again now that plans are back on and let’s me know this so i can help her replan. i’m sorry to say but i didn’t even smile. i told her moving the wedding was a ‘stupid idea’ and no one was going to come. she obviously got very angry at me. look, we’re all in our 20s. we’re barely surviving. very few are financially stable. some of us have at least one kid. one of the bridesmaids is still in college. we can’t afford plane tickets, hotels, babysitters, dresses, uber / a car and meals for multiple days. it’s not realistic. i can’t do it and i told her i wasn’t going to be there. i work in a grocery store and have an internship... she did a save the date on facebook before getting real invitations. as i predicted, almost all of their friends and basically all her family said no. so if everyone who rsvpd shows, her 50ish person wedding is down to maybe ~11. now she’s not speaking to me as i must have told everyone she invited to say no because i ‘just don’t want to do this one thing for her.’ ‘you’re jealous i’m getting married first.’ and i have no idea what she actually said to some people but i got a bunch of nasty texts. the major takeaway was ‘why can’t i just be excited with her? it’s my job to make sure she’s happy. it’s none of my business where they choose to have the wedding. mind your own business. if you’re not paying for it keep your mouth shut.’ now the wedding is off, again, because no one is going. she isn’t talking to me. so yep. ruined my best friends wedding apparently by telling the truth. am i an asshole for telling her this idea wasn’t going to work for basically anyone? and then being right? should i have ‘kept my mouth shut’ and let her find out on her own no one would go? we live in south carolina. his family is in washington state if this matters at all.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m seeing some wedding posts today and decided to post my own. she doesn’t follow this sub but she does know my name, so throwaway. ugh. have to shorten and resubmit. my best friend and i have know each other since we were babies. so i’m moh. they met in college and while i think they’re moving too fast, they really are happy together. they can afford a wedding, so we start planning. long story short, everything is fairly easy and goes well. then fiancé has a hissy fit because the bride chose the chocolate cake they both tasted and loved over the carrot cake she did not like. and basically he has an issue with everything now. suddenly the wedding is off. i find out later fiancé went crazy because his parents were being insane. when he told them what they were planning they didn’t have a nice thing to say and threatened to not come if this or that wasn’t changed. anyway. here’s where i might be the asshole. after the fiasco of the plans blowing up, fiancé convinced her to do a destination wedding closer to where his parents live. now two of his friends and about 4 family members live there. she gets excited again now that plans are back on and let’s me know this so i can help her replan. i’m sorry to say but i didn’t even smile. i told her moving the wedding was a ‘stupid idea’ and no one was going to come. she obviously got very angry at me. look, we’re all in our 20s. we’re barely surviving. very few are financially stable. some of us have at least one kid. one of the bridesmaids is still in college. we can’t afford plane tickets, hotels, babysitters, dresses, uber / a car and meals for multiple days. it’s not realistic. i can’t do it and i told her i wasn’t going to be there. i work in a grocery store and have an internship... she did a save the date on facebook before getting real invitations. as i predicted, almost all of their friends and basically all her family said no. so if everyone who rsvpd shows, her 50ish person wedding is down to maybe ~11. now she’s not speaking to me as i must have told everyone she invited to say no because i ‘just don’t want to do this one thing for her.’ ‘you’re jealous i’m getting married first.’ and i have no idea what she actually said to some people but i got a bunch of nasty texts. the major takeaway was ‘why can’t i just be excited with her? it’s my job to make sure she’s happy. it’s none of my business where they choose to have the wedding. mind your own business. if you’re not paying for it keep your mouth shut.’ now the wedding is off, again, because no one is going. she isn’t talking to me. so yep. ruined my best friends wedding apparently by telling the truth. am i an asshole for telling her this idea wasn’t going to work for basically anyone? and then being right? should i have ‘kept my mouth shut’ and let her find out on her own no one would go? we live in south carolina. his family is in washington state if this matters at all. [/INST] nta. you probably could have been a little more tactful in telling her, but your reasoning is understandable. but there's a good chance she overreacted like that because she is getting cold feet or something similar. her relationship doesn't sound like it's going to survive forever </s>
|
AITA For Turning Down A Family Trip To Disney World?
|
every march for as long as i can remember, my family has gone on a week-long vacation to disney world. it was always something that i looked forward to, counting down the days on my calendar and barely being able to sleep in the days preceding the flight out. however, a few years ago, i started to get tired of going to the same place every year, encouraging my family to try going somewhere new and exciting like a foreign country or a tropical island (my dad and i have always wanted to see pearl harbor since i was old enough to understand what it was). however, every year we went on the same trip to orlando.
i am 24 years old (my brother is 23) and have now been on 30+, week-long, vacations to disney world. my brother and i are both graduated from college, and both holding down full-time jobs. the only difference is my brother is obsessed with disney world - planning the trips, making the hotel/restaurant reservations, etc.
today, my family notified me that we will be going to disney world again this march. almost immediately i expressed to them that i wasn't interested in going. it's not that i don't enjoy spending time with my family. they have supported me through a lot and have always been there for me. it's just the thought of taking a week off from work to travel to a place that no longer excites me, fight through hordes of people in crowded theme parks, and wait in 2-hour lines for rides, is not how i want to spend my time off anymore. i would rather spend my time going somewhere exotic and interesting with my family.
my parents (and my brother) are upset with me and think i am ungrateful for not wanting to join them in the annual disney world trip. i feel bad for turning them down and i know they love seeing and spending time with me - the feeling is mutual; i do love them and enjoy our time together but i just dread the thought of doing the same thing another year.
i feel as though i am being pressured into doing something that i don't want to do and don't have any interest in doing anymore. it's also a little hurtful to feel as though my input doesn't matter to the rest of my family and they're going to do the same thing every year regardless of what i say. so reddit, am i the asshole for not wanting to go to disney world?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ewyhc7/aita_for_turning_down_a_family_trip_to_disney/
|
2020-02-01 01:16:47
|
nah. things change and it’s okay that this is no longer an exciting trip for you and it’s okay that they are disappointed.
as someone who has a reeeallly hard time with change, especially when it involves “growing up”, and who also loves disney, i get it.
that being said, i wouldn’t spend my coveted pto on a vacation i wasn’t interested in.
|
nah but if they continue to push, they’ll be ta.
i think it’s fair that you want to do something else and it’s fair that the desires of three overrule one.
|
nta. tell your parents and brother to have fun and you'll be thinking of them. your parents need to realize that you are an adult and don't have an interest in continuing to vacation at dw every year. mention the pearl harbor/hawaii trip to your dad and suggest that he, mom and you start planning a trip to the islands.
|
nta. welcome to adulthood son. we take separate vacations from our parents here. especially when they are going to disney world for the 31st time. holy cow!!!
|
nah but i would really stress that it's just not a great time to miss work rather than making it about your (totally understandable) feelings about wdw and monotony.
|
nta. theme parks get boring quickly.
|
what about a disney cruise next time?
|
nta you have pto days to delegate and if you don’t want to use them on disney world then don’t. your family is understandable for being upset you don’t want to go, but they should understand where you’re coming from. maybe it’s a tradition to put on hold but start up again when you and your brother have kids.
| null | null |
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | 0.011362 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: every march for as long as i can remember, my family has gone on a week-long vacation to disney world. it was always something that i looked forward to, counting down the days on my calendar and barely being able to sleep in the days preceding the flight out. however, a few years ago, i started to get tired of going to the same place every year, encouraging my family to try going somewhere new and exciting like a foreign country or a tropical island (my dad and i have always wanted to see pearl harbor since i was old enough to understand what it was). however, every year we went on the same trip to orlando. i am 24 years old (my brother is 23) and have now been on 30+, week-long, vacations to disney world. my brother and i are both graduated from college, and both holding down full-time jobs. the only difference is my brother is obsessed with disney world - planning the trips, making the hotel/restaurant reservations, etc. today, my family notified me that we will be going to disney world again this march. almost immediately i expressed to them that i wasn't interested in going. it's not that i don't enjoy spending time with my family. they have supported me through a lot and have always been there for me. it's just the thought of taking a week off from work to travel to a place that no longer excites me, fight through hordes of people in crowded theme parks, and wait in 2-hour lines for rides, is not how i want to spend my time off anymore. i would rather spend my time going somewhere exotic and interesting with my family. my parents (and my brother) are upset with me and think i am ungrateful for not wanting to join them in the annual disney world trip. i feel bad for turning them down and i know they love seeing and spending time with me - the feeling is mutual; i do love them and enjoy our time together but i just dread the thought of doing the same thing another year. i feel as though i am being pressured into doing something that i don't want to do and don't have any interest in doing anymore. it's also a little hurtful to feel as though my input doesn't matter to the rest of my family and they're going to do the same thing every year regardless of what i say. so reddit, am i the asshole for not wanting to go to disney world?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
every march for as long as i can remember, my family has gone on a week-long vacation to disney world. it was always something that i looked forward to, counting down the days on my calendar and barely being able to sleep in the days preceding the flight out. however, a few years ago, i started to get tired of going to the same place every year, encouraging my family to try going somewhere new and exciting like a foreign country or a tropical island (my dad and i have always wanted to see pearl harbor since i was old enough to understand what it was). however, every year we went on the same trip to orlando. i am 24 years old (my brother is 23) and have now been on 30+, week-long, vacations to disney world. my brother and i are both graduated from college, and both holding down full-time jobs. the only difference is my brother is obsessed with disney world - planning the trips, making the hotel/restaurant reservations, etc. today, my family notified me that we will be going to disney world again this march. almost immediately i expressed to them that i wasn't interested in going. it's not that i don't enjoy spending time with my family. they have supported me through a lot and have always been there for me. it's just the thought of taking a week off from work to travel to a place that no longer excites me, fight through hordes of people in crowded theme parks, and wait in 2-hour lines for rides, is not how i want to spend my time off anymore. i would rather spend my time going somewhere exotic and interesting with my family. my parents (and my brother) are upset with me and think i am ungrateful for not wanting to join them in the annual disney world trip. i feel bad for turning them down and i know they love seeing and spending time with me - the feeling is mutual; i do love them and enjoy our time together but i just dread the thought of doing the same thing another year. i feel as though i am being pressured into doing something that i don't want to do and don't have any interest in doing anymore. it's also a little hurtful to feel as though my input doesn't matter to the rest of my family and they're going to do the same thing every year regardless of what i say. so reddit, am i the asshole for not wanting to go to disney world? [/INST] nah. things change and it’s okay that this is no longer an exciting trip for you and it’s okay that they are disappointed. as someone who has a reeeallly hard time with change, especially when it involves “growing up”, and who also loves disney, i get it. that being said, i wouldn’t spend my coveted pto on a vacation i wasn’t interested in. </s>
|
AITA for making my daughter delete her Facebook account?
|
throwaway account because i don't want certain people finding this.
i (35f) am the very proud mother of two (17f and 12f) daughters. my oldest daughter and i are especially close, to the point that i trust her completely and know that she'll come to me whenever she needs help. their father is not in the picture. i'll spare the details, but living with him were the worst years of my life and i left him once he started to threaten my girls. while my oldest was very young at the time, she unfortunately saw some of the fallout which includes several of my own family members and friends, including my own parents, refusing to believe my husband was abusive and cutting me out their life. while it was a hard blow at the time, i have since moved past that, although i no longer use social media that can link back to my irl life, as my relatives would constantly leave threats and rude comments about myself and my daughters.
my oldest is extremely protective of me as a result of this, which is fine since she'll usually stop if i tell her to (if she gets too aggressive or hotheaded). she has her own social media accounts, which i trust her to use smartly, but she said she never cared for facebook because none of her friends use it. so i was very surprised when a close friend sent me pictures of my daughter having arguments over facebook with several family members, including her father, who i was not aware she was in contact with.
apparently she found my old facebook account (which i have now deleted) and saw some of the comments my ex left, accusing me of cheating, being a wh\*\*\*, trying to ruin his reputation, etc and she created her own account for the sole purpose of tearing him a new one. since then several other people have jumped in and are saying awful things to my daughter.
i confronted my daughter about it, and thankfully she found their insults more funny than hurtful. since she didn't seem to use her facebook for anything except insulting her relatives i then told her to delete her account, and after some hemming and hawing, she did with me watching.
i thought that was the end of it, but she then told her stepfather who found the whole thing hilarious and they have both been going overboard to ask my permission for silly things that they never did before and know they don't need to (running the dishwasher, turning on the air, taking the dogs out). my husband thinks i'm being overbearing since my daughter was clearly unharmed by this. i, however, don't think this is the case. i know my ex and i know my family. they can be manipulative, degrading, and i am terrified that that they'll try to humiliate and gaslight my daughter (who is still a developing child).
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i26ull/aita_for_making_my_daughter_delete_her_facebook/
|
2020-08-02 05:20:33
|
nta
so she made trolling account? she was not hurt by their insults and she wont be upset over closed trolling account.
you all move on with your life.
|
nah. your reasons are legit, even if this was a bit controlling. she wasn't using the account for any other reason and (for another year, anyway) protecting her is still your prerogative. but maybe ... don't do it again? she'll have to figure this stuff out on her own soon and maybe doing it while you're around to guide her would've been useful?
|
yta but very lightly. i understand that you want to protect your daughter, but she’s 17. almost an adult. she seemed to handle the situation well and you should let her make her own choices.
|
nta you're being a parent. you're setting boundaries to keep you daughter safe.
|
nta. parents stop their kids from having social media accounts for reasons way less serious than this. just because she wasn’t harmed doesn’t mean she *couldn’t* have been.
|
nta. she may have been around for some of her father's abuse and the fallout from it but she was young and she didn't experience it the same way you did. you're just trying to make sure she doesn't experience it that way. it may seem harsh but you're doing it to keep her safe. 17 is not an adult and she could be easily manipulated by an abuser, and if yours is anything like mine, then he's a master at manipulation. my own son is 16, i certainly wouldn't want him talking to his abusive father on fb, and i'd do the same as you. it's not worth getting embroiled in the drama that fighting with abusive people creates, it's just asking for trouble.
|
yta- a 17 year should have a say in things in her life. if sje done something bad, but this? in most countrys she could be already working, in some joining the army. you are not a big bad ta. just a little bot overworried in my opinion
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| null | null | null | 0.361532 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account because i don't want certain people finding this. i (35f) am the very proud mother of two (17f and 12f) daughters. my oldest daughter and i are especially close, to the point that i trust her completely and know that she'll come to me whenever she needs help. their father is not in the picture. i'll spare the details, but living with him were the worst years of my life and i left him once he started to threaten my girls. while my oldest was very young at the time, she unfortunately saw some of the fallout which includes several of my own family members and friends, including my own parents, refusing to believe my husband was abusive and cutting me out their life. while it was a hard blow at the time, i have since moved past that, although i no longer use social media that can link back to my irl life, as my relatives would constantly leave threats and rude comments about myself and my daughters. my oldest is extremely protective of me as a result of this, which is fine since she'll usually stop if i tell her to (if she gets too aggressive or hotheaded). she has her own social media accounts, which i trust her to use smartly, but she said she never cared for facebook because none of her friends use it. so i was very surprised when a close friend sent me pictures of my daughter having arguments over facebook with several family members, including her father, who i was not aware she was in contact with. apparently she found my old facebook account (which i have now deleted) and saw some of the comments my ex left, accusing me of cheating, being a wh\*\*\*, trying to ruin his reputation, etc and she created her own account for the sole purpose of tearing him a new one. since then several other people have jumped in and are saying awful things to my daughter. i confronted my daughter about it, and thankfully she found their insults more funny than hurtful. since she didn't seem to use her facebook for anything except insulting her relatives i then told her to delete her account, and after some hemming and hawing, she did with me watching. i thought that was the end of it, but she then told her stepfather who found the whole thing hilarious and they have both been going overboard to ask my permission for silly things that they never did before and know they don't need to (running the dishwasher, turning on the air, taking the dogs out). my husband thinks i'm being overbearing since my daughter was clearly unharmed by this. i, however, don't think this is the case. i know my ex and i know my family. they can be manipulative, degrading, and i am terrified that that they'll try to humiliate and gaslight my daughter (who is still a developing child).
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account because i don't want certain people finding this. i (35f) am the very proud mother of two (17f and 12f) daughters. my oldest daughter and i are especially close, to the point that i trust her completely and know that she'll come to me whenever she needs help. their father is not in the picture. i'll spare the details, but living with him were the worst years of my life and i left him once he started to threaten my girls. while my oldest was very young at the time, she unfortunately saw some of the fallout which includes several of my own family members and friends, including my own parents, refusing to believe my husband was abusive and cutting me out their life. while it was a hard blow at the time, i have since moved past that, although i no longer use social media that can link back to my irl life, as my relatives would constantly leave threats and rude comments about myself and my daughters. my oldest is extremely protective of me as a result of this, which is fine since she'll usually stop if i tell her to (if she gets too aggressive or hotheaded). she has her own social media accounts, which i trust her to use smartly, but she said she never cared for facebook because none of her friends use it. so i was very surprised when a close friend sent me pictures of my daughter having arguments over facebook with several family members, including her father, who i was not aware she was in contact with. apparently she found my old facebook account (which i have now deleted) and saw some of the comments my ex left, accusing me of cheating, being a wh\*\*\*, trying to ruin his reputation, etc and she created her own account for the sole purpose of tearing him a new one. since then several other people have jumped in and are saying awful things to my daughter. i confronted my daughter about it, and thankfully she found their insults more funny than hurtful. since she didn't seem to use her facebook for anything except insulting her relatives i then told her to delete her account, and after some hemming and hawing, she did with me watching. i thought that was the end of it, but she then told her stepfather who found the whole thing hilarious and they have both been going overboard to ask my permission for silly things that they never did before and know they don't need to (running the dishwasher, turning on the air, taking the dogs out). my husband thinks i'm being overbearing since my daughter was clearly unharmed by this. i, however, don't think this is the case. i know my ex and i know my family. they can be manipulative, degrading, and i am terrified that that they'll try to humiliate and gaslight my daughter (who is still a developing child). [/INST] nta so she made trolling account? she was not hurt by their insults and she wont be upset over closed trolling account. you all move on with your life. </s>
|
WIBTA for not firing an impersonating teacher or involving police?
|
i work in a private highschool in southern ontario. seven years ago the administration and i decided to hire a new teacher, amanda (name changed). amanda had great credentials, had degrees in both math and chemistry, and as we soon found out was an excellent teacher.
two months ago i found out she is not who she says she is. i'm part of a facebook group to help people locally with things for free. you post something you have you don't want anymore, someone else comments they want it, you meet up and give it to them. i've been a part of this group for a few months now and i found amanda, but under a different name. i have amanda on facebook, and this other account used the same photos, just a different name. my best guess is amanda had a profile connected to her teaching life, and one being her real account.
it took me a couple of days to message her and ask her what's going on. she was straightforward with me: her friend is amanda who had all the credentials and education, and she let "amanda" apply to jobs using them. "amanda" went to school, too, but not as prestigious a school, and did not graduate. the real amanda works for some company in another city. so she colluded with her friend to apply for teaching jobs using amanda's cv and then "amanda" shows up and does the job.
"amanda" is a great teacher. the kids love her and she does her job well. she's also a great person. you don't *need* to be accredited to teach in a private school here. you could hire someone straight out of highschool, it's all based on ability/merit. i told "amanda" i'd have to think about it and i think now my decision is to take inaction.
i don't dare tell anyone else, even ask their opinions, because this would put her job at risk. not only that, but get police involved for fraud/identity theft. that last part has me conflicted because what she has done is unethical and illegal. she gained her position on false pretenses. i wonder to myself at night if i'm wrong for doing nothing and allowing it to happen: someone more deserving and capable could be working this job, i'm putting my neck on the line for admittedly a friend now.
i'd love some outsider thoughts on whether i'm the asshole here.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cho4ko/wibta_for_not_firing_an_impersonating_teacher_or/
|
2019-07-25 14:08:10
|
yta because this sort of thing will eventually be found out by others and you are putting your school at risk of legal action by doing nothing.
talk to your school's lawyer. see if there is a way to legitimize amanda, but covering your and the school's ass needs to be your priority, no matter how good a teacher "amanda" is.
|
ywbta — this is a hard choice, especially considering the current circumstances in southern ontario, but there are people out there who have spent the last 4-5 years getting teaching degrees, and then have been on the waiting list for *years* here who genuinely spent their life waiting for her position.
she gained her position by using identity theft and lying. her name isn't even her actual name. i wouldn't involve police, because it seems like she's a good person otherwise who hasn't caused much harm, but i would make it a point that this isn't acceptable.
imagine what would happen if someone else found this page and it came out that you knew, or she got hurt and emergency services identified her as someone else, there's so many ways this could go the wrong way. not only that, but you haven't even ran a legit background check and history because she isn't amanda.
i hope you both the best.
|
esh -- sorry, this is going to come out eventually, and when it does -- that this person was hired and employed under false pretenses -- and when it further comes out that you knew about it and did not report it along to the relevant parties, you're going to damage your own reputation, and the reputation of the school, and will have adverse impacts on the school's ability to fundraise. tell the administration. rip off the band-aid. this will put her job at risk because it should put her job at risk. whether she's a great teacher, and well liked by students is immaterial. she has essentially stolen a job from someone more qualified who may, indeed, have done a more effective job teaching.
|
yta—it sounds like you don’t know anything about her, which puts the kids at risk (i assume a background check was run, and it was on real amanda, not the person actually teaching in your school). “the kids like her” is a poor justification for identity theft and fraud, which it seems like “amanda” committed to get this job.
i also think yta to “amanda,” because if you found her out, other people will, too, sooner or later, and the consequences might be far more dire than you just quietly letting her go.
|
ywbta. this person is a liar and a scam artist. she shouldn't be in a position of power with impressionable teenagers, and just because you like her doesn't mean she shouldn't be fired for this incredibly egregious deception.
|
yta if you don't tell the other administrators. you have every right to believe she deserves to keep her job, but the other people in the hiring process also deserve the ability to make that choice for themselves. by keeping the information to yourself, you become complicit in her lie.
|
yta. you are betraying every student under your care if you don't report this immediately.
|
esh. i think you do need to speak up. if anything went wrong, and it turned out you knew she had lied about her identity to get the job, it could seriously compromise you.
|
ywbta. have you even been able to do a real background check on "amanda"?
if anything happens, and it is learned that you knew she was working with children under an assumed identity, your school will be in a world of shit.
|
ywbta. this person is a liar and a scam artist. she shouldn't be in a position of power with impressionable teenagers, and just because you like her doesn't mean she shouldn't be fired for this incredibly egregious deception.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work in a private highschool in southern ontario. seven years ago the administration and i decided to hire a new teacher, amanda (name changed). amanda had great credentials, had degrees in both math and chemistry, and as we soon found out was an excellent teacher. two months ago i found out she is not who she says she is. i'm part of a facebook group to help people locally with things for free. you post something you have you don't want anymore, someone else comments they want it, you meet up and give it to them. i've been a part of this group for a few months now and i found amanda, but under a different name. i have amanda on facebook, and this other account used the same photos, just a different name. my best guess is amanda had a profile connected to her teaching life, and one being her real account. it took me a couple of days to message her and ask her what's going on. she was straightforward with me: her friend is amanda who had all the credentials and education, and she let "amanda" apply to jobs using them. "amanda" went to school, too, but not as prestigious a school, and did not graduate. the real amanda works for some company in another city. so she colluded with her friend to apply for teaching jobs using amanda's cv and then "amanda" shows up and does the job. "amanda" is a great teacher. the kids love her and she does her job well. she's also a great person. you don't *need* to be accredited to teach in a private school here. you could hire someone straight out of highschool, it's all based on ability/merit. i told "amanda" i'd have to think about it and i think now my decision is to take inaction. i don't dare tell anyone else, even ask their opinions, because this would put her job at risk. not only that, but get police involved for fraud/identity theft. that last part has me conflicted because what she has done is unethical and illegal. she gained her position on false pretenses. i wonder to myself at night if i'm wrong for doing nothing and allowing it to happen: someone more deserving and capable could be working this job, i'm putting my neck on the line for admittedly a friend now. i'd love some outsider thoughts on whether i'm the asshole here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i work in a private highschool in southern ontario. seven years ago the administration and i decided to hire a new teacher, amanda (name changed). amanda had great credentials, had degrees in both math and chemistry, and as we soon found out was an excellent teacher. two months ago i found out she is not who she says she is. i'm part of a facebook group to help people locally with things for free. you post something you have you don't want anymore, someone else comments they want it, you meet up and give it to them. i've been a part of this group for a few months now and i found amanda, but under a different name. i have amanda on facebook, and this other account used the same photos, just a different name. my best guess is amanda had a profile connected to her teaching life, and one being her real account. it took me a couple of days to message her and ask her what's going on. she was straightforward with me: her friend is amanda who had all the credentials and education, and she let "amanda" apply to jobs using them. "amanda" went to school, too, but not as prestigious a school, and did not graduate. the real amanda works for some company in another city. so she colluded with her friend to apply for teaching jobs using amanda's cv and then "amanda" shows up and does the job. "amanda" is a great teacher. the kids love her and she does her job well. she's also a great person. you don't *need* to be accredited to teach in a private school here. you could hire someone straight out of highschool, it's all based on ability/merit. i told "amanda" i'd have to think about it and i think now my decision is to take inaction. i don't dare tell anyone else, even ask their opinions, because this would put her job at risk. not only that, but get police involved for fraud/identity theft. that last part has me conflicted because what she has done is unethical and illegal. she gained her position on false pretenses. i wonder to myself at night if i'm wrong for doing nothing and allowing it to happen: someone more deserving and capable could be working this job, i'm putting my neck on the line for admittedly a friend now. i'd love some outsider thoughts on whether i'm the asshole here. [/INST] yta because this sort of thing will eventually be found out by others and you are putting your school at risk of legal action by doing nothing. talk to your school's lawyer. see if there is a way to legitimize amanda, but covering your and the school's ass needs to be your priority, no matter how good a teacher "amanda" is. </s>
|
AITA - I don't want my daughter and her partner to bring their dog at Christmas
|
i don't hate dogs, but i do have a degree of allergy to them - when i go to a house where there are dogs i become tight-chested over a couple of hours, even without interacting with them directly.
in addition to this we have recently redecorated our lounge at considerable expense with new flooring, sofas and chairs and we have many small items displayed at all levels, some of which are quite fragile - although i appreciate these could be moved.
my daughter and partner have a dog which is good natured but extremely lively (manic really) and i am happy for it to visit us in the summer when we can all sit outside and it can expend its energy in our large garden.
however they want to bring it on christmas morning and i do not want it running amok whilst we are opening presents and having a good time. there is no chance that it would just sit quietly, so one of them would need to be on constant guard keeping it under control, which, honestly i think they would fail to do, likely making it a tense time for all..
i have put my foot down and said that if they must bring the dog it will have to stay in the car for a couple of hours (not an option, it hates the car) or in a cage in the utility room (again not an option apparently).
needless to say this is causing a lot of friction, and my wife, even though she agrees with my reasons for not wanting the dog in the lounge, says i am driving a wedge between the family...
note that they live about half an hour away and are going on from us to other family members who are more "dog friendly" so they could leave it at home in the morning and pick it it before lunch without it being a huge journey, but they are not prepared to do this either.
am i being totally unreasonable?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zrs6mf/aita_i_dont_want_my_daughter_and_her_partner_to/
|
2022-12-21 16:04:14
|
nta.
just the allergy aloni is a good reason, and it is your house, your choice.
also, it is for a short time, so i don't see the problem.
if you give in now, then they will bring the dog everytime.
|
nta. i love dogs, but between your allergies and the high energy level of this dog, this isn't an unreasonable request.
|
nta, it drives me nuts how people don't take allergies seriously. now you're the bad guy why, because you want to be able to breathe in your own home? ridiculous!
some advice though, it weakens your position if you come up with extra reasons. if you say the dog cannot come here because of my allergies that's a strong statement. if you then continue: "and furthermore, we redid the lounge at great expense, and the dog has too much energy," then it starts to look like you're making excuses.
|
nta - your daughter seems to care more about the dog than her parent. this is a reasonable request.
|
nta
what they want is for you to let them have things their way, which is why they aren't even going to entertain any other option. also, this isn't you driving a wedge in the family, this is you making boundaries. if you don't have boundaries, then you will get walked over each and every time. she is your daughter, but your daughter is showing that she doesn't respect your boundaries on this.
|
nta. i am a dog person. if someone doesn't want me bringing my dog to their property, i say, "ok then." everyone is entitled to enforce their own boundaries in their own home.
if they are only half an hour away, they could pop back for a little bit to let the dog out if they are at yours for a long period of time. given that they will only be at yours a few hours, it's fine to leave the dog for that period.
|
nta or unreasonable. i have a similar allergy and don't allow dogs in my house for an extended period of time like that. in the summer as you mentioned, no problem. but running around and getting fur and everything else everywhere to the point you have to do a deep clean after they leave is a problem.
the dog will be fine for a couple of hours by himself at home or kenneled in a utility room that is easier to clean.
|
nta
its your health and there is no need to suffer at your own home.
the other reasons are good points aswell and its not your obligation to seve the owners of a dog.
stay your ground.
|
nta - my borther has a dog that he brings to my parents house when we have family dinners altogether (every 2 weeks). however the dog is not allowed at my home and if i leave for vacation and my parents babysit my cats while i am away the dog is also not brought to their house because he attacks the cats. it has never caused an issue. it's called respect.
either way, it is your home and if you do not want their pet in your home you are allowed. they are being as entitled as people with children when others say child free weddings etc. it's an animal, it can stay at their home for a few hours while they come to yours for dinner and to open presents.
|
if it’s your home, nta! not everyone likes dogs not to mention the degree at which individuals socialize their dogs is vastly different. i would understand if the dog was trained but obviously the dog would not only cause you health problems but it would also cause you mental problems. you have offered solutions to the problem and if they refuse, i say let them skip the event and try again later.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i don't hate dogs, but i do have a degree of allergy to them - when i go to a house where there are dogs i become tight-chested over a couple of hours, even without interacting with them directly. in addition to this we have recently redecorated our lounge at considerable expense with new flooring, sofas and chairs and we have many small items displayed at all levels, some of which are quite fragile - although i appreciate these could be moved. my daughter and partner have a dog which is good natured but extremely lively (manic really) and i am happy for it to visit us in the summer when we can all sit outside and it can expend its energy in our large garden. however they want to bring it on christmas morning and i do not want it running amok whilst we are opening presents and having a good time. there is no chance that it would just sit quietly, so one of them would need to be on constant guard keeping it under control, which, honestly i think they would fail to do, likely making it a tense time for all.. i have put my foot down and said that if they must bring the dog it will have to stay in the car for a couple of hours (not an option, it hates the car) or in a cage in the utility room (again not an option apparently). needless to say this is causing a lot of friction, and my wife, even though she agrees with my reasons for not wanting the dog in the lounge, says i am driving a wedge between the family... note that they live about half an hour away and are going on from us to other family members who are more "dog friendly" so they could leave it at home in the morning and pick it it before lunch without it being a huge journey, but they are not prepared to do this either. am i being totally unreasonable?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i don't hate dogs, but i do have a degree of allergy to them - when i go to a house where there are dogs i become tight-chested over a couple of hours, even without interacting with them directly. in addition to this we have recently redecorated our lounge at considerable expense with new flooring, sofas and chairs and we have many small items displayed at all levels, some of which are quite fragile - although i appreciate these could be moved. my daughter and partner have a dog which is good natured but extremely lively (manic really) and i am happy for it to visit us in the summer when we can all sit outside and it can expend its energy in our large garden. however they want to bring it on christmas morning and i do not want it running amok whilst we are opening presents and having a good time. there is no chance that it would just sit quietly, so one of them would need to be on constant guard keeping it under control, which, honestly i think they would fail to do, likely making it a tense time for all.. i have put my foot down and said that if they must bring the dog it will have to stay in the car for a couple of hours (not an option, it hates the car) or in a cage in the utility room (again not an option apparently). needless to say this is causing a lot of friction, and my wife, even though she agrees with my reasons for not wanting the dog in the lounge, says i am driving a wedge between the family... note that they live about half an hour away and are going on from us to other family members who are more "dog friendly" so they could leave it at home in the morning and pick it it before lunch without it being a huge journey, but they are not prepared to do this either. am i being totally unreasonable? [/INST] nta. just the allergy aloni is a good reason, and it is your house, your choice. also, it is for a short time, so i don't see the problem. if you give in now, then they will bring the dog everytime. </s>
|
AITA for deciding to not go to my cousin’s wedding?
|
my cousin is getting married on new year’s eve. it’s a 300 person wedding and we live in ny, following contributing details aside, the covid factor is enough to deter me from going, but here’s the situation.
i have four kids, my husband and i, along with my two older children were invited to the wedding. my younger two children are 16 month old twins, and i completely understand why toddlers wouldn’t be invited to a wedding. the wedding however is over an hour away from home, doesn’t begin until 8pm and would require an overnight stay at the venue. we have absolutely exhausted the options of people i would be comfortable leaving the babies with overnight, since it’s a family wedding anyone related was off the table, and cooping them up in a hotel room with a random sitter would lead to mayhem, not sleep. we ended up sending our regrets to the wedding and i called my cousin to explain the situation. he was understanding, though disappointed, but his mom, my aunt, has gone full blown crazy over this. she has gone to other family members to discuss how awful it is, and will not leave my mother alone about it.
i tried to talk rationally to her about the factors that led to the decision, but she will not hear any of it. i am public enemy number one. i know that in the long run they wouldn’t even notice we weren’t there and this will not affect their night one iota, but this unnecessary stress and drama over it just seems a bit much.
so… what do you think?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rqjxhc/aita_for_deciding_to_not_go_to_my_cousins_wedding/
|
2021-12-28 16:43:04
|
nta.
your reasons for skipping are beyond understandable, and your cousin has no issue, just your aunt. let your aunt throw her temper tantrum.
|
nta - we're in the middle of a pandemic which is currently spreading at exponential rates. you have two 16 month old twins with weak immune systems. your cousin understands and his opinion is all that really matters. if the other folks in your family can't understand, then the hell with them. a wedding of 300+ people will be a super spreader event.
|
nta but your aunt is.
maybe your aunt has forgotten what a difficult time having young children can be but honestly i would tell her one last time, look - i’m very very sorry, i have made my apologies to cousin who is totally fine with it. i have done everything i can in a global pandemic with young children and it just isn’t doable, if that’s not good enough for you it isn’t. and just leave it at that.
you can’t affect how people react, but you can control how you respond. have a nice night in with your babies instead.
|
nta- covid and two kids below the vaccination age are enough. if the bride and groom understand than aunt can stuff if. you’re never in the wrong for prioritizing your health. keep on keeping on!
|
nta. your aunt needs a reality check. not only about the current climate, but about parental struggles, and that many people hate weddings on holidays. 300ppl on a holiday in a closed environment during a skittledemic is silly, so opting out for any reason, imo, does not make anyone an a.
let auntie ah know not to fear, your gift will arrive.
|
nta - but your aunt, wow. she's a monster truck show.
|
nta. your aunt needs to chill. even without covid, not bring about to find child care is a pretty solid reason not to attend a wedding, especially one that requires an overnight stay.
if your aunt really wants you to be there, then she should stay in the hotel room to watch the kids.
|
you can *be* “public enemy number one”, (i roll my eyes at this), …but you will also *be* safe
. nta and enough said.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my cousin is getting married on new year’s eve. it’s a 300 person wedding and we live in ny, following contributing details aside, the covid factor is enough to deter me from going, but here’s the situation. i have four kids, my husband and i, along with my two older children were invited to the wedding. my younger two children are 16 month old twins, and i completely understand why toddlers wouldn’t be invited to a wedding. the wedding however is over an hour away from home, doesn’t begin until 8pm and would require an overnight stay at the venue. we have absolutely exhausted the options of people i would be comfortable leaving the babies with overnight, since it’s a family wedding anyone related was off the table, and cooping them up in a hotel room with a random sitter would lead to mayhem, not sleep. we ended up sending our regrets to the wedding and i called my cousin to explain the situation. he was understanding, though disappointed, but his mom, my aunt, has gone full blown crazy over this. she has gone to other family members to discuss how awful it is, and will not leave my mother alone about it. i tried to talk rationally to her about the factors that led to the decision, but she will not hear any of it. i am public enemy number one. i know that in the long run they wouldn’t even notice we weren’t there and this will not affect their night one iota, but this unnecessary stress and drama over it just seems a bit much. so… what do you think?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my cousin is getting married on new year’s eve. it’s a 300 person wedding and we live in ny, following contributing details aside, the covid factor is enough to deter me from going, but here’s the situation. i have four kids, my husband and i, along with my two older children were invited to the wedding. my younger two children are 16 month old twins, and i completely understand why toddlers wouldn’t be invited to a wedding. the wedding however is over an hour away from home, doesn’t begin until 8pm and would require an overnight stay at the venue. we have absolutely exhausted the options of people i would be comfortable leaving the babies with overnight, since it’s a family wedding anyone related was off the table, and cooping them up in a hotel room with a random sitter would lead to mayhem, not sleep. we ended up sending our regrets to the wedding and i called my cousin to explain the situation. he was understanding, though disappointed, but his mom, my aunt, has gone full blown crazy over this. she has gone to other family members to discuss how awful it is, and will not leave my mother alone about it. i tried to talk rationally to her about the factors that led to the decision, but she will not hear any of it. i am public enemy number one. i know that in the long run they wouldn’t even notice we weren’t there and this will not affect their night one iota, but this unnecessary stress and drama over it just seems a bit much. so… what do you think? [/INST] nta. your reasons for skipping are beyond understandable, and your cousin has no issue, just your aunt. let your aunt throw her temper tantrum. </s>
|
WIBTA if I uninvited my friend from my family vacation?
|
about two years ago, i (23f) met my friend (24f) amanda and we became extremely close extremely fast. last summer, she came on a week long vacation with my family and i (my parents have a really nice summer home that is extremely special to me/my childhood) and it was a great time. it was always assumed she’d come again because it was such a blast, and a few months ago we bought our plane tickets for august.
however, since then, our friendship has completely changed. after we bought the tickets, i was injured to the point where i couldn’t leave the house or work for weeks. she only stopped by once during this period of time and consistently blew off my texts and calls when i’d ask her for help with picking up medicine etc. i was completely shocked - we used to hang out and speak every single day, and she had always been so great about being there for me in the past even when things were minor - so it was very out of character. i asked her if anything was wrong, and she insisted it wasnt, but things have only gone downhill since then. she hasn’t initiated plans once in months, and even when i try to, she makes excuses the majority of the time or will leave early after only an hour. she ignores a lot of my texts, and is snippy in group situations. there hasn’t been one huge event where she was straight up terrible, but in general, she hasn’t been a great friend and things between us have done a total 180 (and even our mutual friends have noticed and asked what’s wrong). i’ve brought up with her multiple times that she is acting differently and that our friendship does not feel the same, but she just blows it off and changes the subject or stops replying. the only time she acts normal is when we talk about the trip - she’s soo excited to go sailing and water skiing and get drunk on the beach etc.
my parents summer house is extremely important to me. this is where i spent every summer growing up, and it’s also the only time i see my family now that i live 2,000 miles away. (i don’t see them over christmas/thanksgiving etc.) this trip is the number one think i look forward to every single year.
because of the way she’s been acting (especially when i was injured), i’ve grown pretty resentful of her and i don’t really want her to come anymore. i think it would ruin my time because i’d just be thinking about it constantly. this place is so so special to me and i don’t want to share it with someone who treats me like shit.
wibta if i uninvited her? (i would obviously pay her back for her ticket.)
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/caetga/wibta_if_i_uninvited_my_friend_from_my_family/
|
2019-07-08 01:36:59
|
info. have you spoken with her directly about her not coming? "amanda, since i was injured, your attitude toward me has changed to the point that i am wondering how you are going to be when you come on vacation with my family and me. it seems like you don't want to communicate with me or be around me anymore. i'm not sure vacationing with my family and me is going to work anymore."
|
nta.
it sounds like she is using you and your family. i would speak with her one last time to try and clear the air, if she blows you off let her know that she won’t be coming on the trip.
|
nta. she stopped caring for you when it wasn’t convenient and beneficial to her. i wouldn’t even pay her back for the ticket. she bought it, but she also has been behaving horribly. she knew what she was doing.
|
nta. please don’t take her to your family trip. you can’t stop her from flying there, but you don’t have to invite someone treating you like this into your family’s vacation. it would make the whole thing miserable for everyone.
|
nta, but....
this might be your last chance to try and heal the relationship. if you revoke that invite it's gone forever.
|
nta this is very similar to what happens when a romantic relationship ends. no one expects exes to go on a planned trip together. it's no different for ex friends so don't feel like you owe her anything. she's been treating you poorly for months. put the last nail in the coffin and end it. tell her she's been disinvited.
|
nta since it seems like the friendship is pretty much dead and gone.
can i ask if your texts and calls were often about asking her for help? maybe she saw this as you taking her as your caretaker? still shitty to ghost you no matter what
|
nta - maybe sit down once more, just you and her, and try to bring it up with her. if she blows you off again or changes the subject, then immediately rescind the invite. you are not obligated to spend time with someone who has been seemingly dishonest and generally rude, and it is your vacation home and your family.
|
nta because you have several major red flags you might be missing cause you're wearing rose tinted specs regarding the situation.
> amanda and we became extremely close extremely fast.
red flag 1 and info - op, did she know about the summer house and your trips there before you to became close so fast?
> she only stopped by once during this period of time and consistently blew off my texts and calls when i’d ask her for help with picking up medicine etc.
red flag 2
>there hasn’t been one huge event where she was straight up terrible, but in general, she hasn’t been a great friend and things between us have done a total 180 (and even our mutual friends have noticed and asked what’s wrong).
red flag 3
>i’ve brought up with her multiple times that she is acting differently and that our friendship does not feel the same, but she just blows it off and changes the subject or stops replying. the only time she acts normal is when we talk about the trip - she’s soo excited to go sailing and water skiing and get drunk on the beach etc.
red flag 4, the most important one.
this girl is using you for the use of your summer home. why would you want her anywhere near you?
| null |
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: about two years ago, i (23f) met my friend (24f) amanda and we became extremely close extremely fast. last summer, she came on a week long vacation with my family and i (my parents have a really nice summer home that is extremely special to me/my childhood) and it was a great time. it was always assumed she’d come again because it was such a blast, and a few months ago we bought our plane tickets for august. however, since then, our friendship has completely changed. after we bought the tickets, i was injured to the point where i couldn’t leave the house or work for weeks. she only stopped by once during this period of time and consistently blew off my texts and calls when i’d ask her for help with picking up medicine etc. i was completely shocked - we used to hang out and speak every single day, and she had always been so great about being there for me in the past even when things were minor - so it was very out of character. i asked her if anything was wrong, and she insisted it wasnt, but things have only gone downhill since then. she hasn’t initiated plans once in months, and even when i try to, she makes excuses the majority of the time or will leave early after only an hour. she ignores a lot of my texts, and is snippy in group situations. there hasn’t been one huge event where she was straight up terrible, but in general, she hasn’t been a great friend and things between us have done a total 180 (and even our mutual friends have noticed and asked what’s wrong). i’ve brought up with her multiple times that she is acting differently and that our friendship does not feel the same, but she just blows it off and changes the subject or stops replying. the only time she acts normal is when we talk about the trip - she’s soo excited to go sailing and water skiing and get drunk on the beach etc. my parents summer house is extremely important to me. this is where i spent every summer growing up, and it’s also the only time i see my family now that i live 2,000 miles away. (i don’t see them over christmas/thanksgiving etc.) this trip is the number one think i look forward to every single year. because of the way she’s been acting (especially when i was injured), i’ve grown pretty resentful of her and i don’t really want her to come anymore. i think it would ruin my time because i’d just be thinking about it constantly. this place is so so special to me and i don’t want to share it with someone who treats me like shit. wibta if i uninvited her? (i would obviously pay her back for her ticket.)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
about two years ago, i (23f) met my friend (24f) amanda and we became extremely close extremely fast. last summer, she came on a week long vacation with my family and i (my parents have a really nice summer home that is extremely special to me/my childhood) and it was a great time. it was always assumed she’d come again because it was such a blast, and a few months ago we bought our plane tickets for august. however, since then, our friendship has completely changed. after we bought the tickets, i was injured to the point where i couldn’t leave the house or work for weeks. she only stopped by once during this period of time and consistently blew off my texts and calls when i’d ask her for help with picking up medicine etc. i was completely shocked - we used to hang out and speak every single day, and she had always been so great about being there for me in the past even when things were minor - so it was very out of character. i asked her if anything was wrong, and she insisted it wasnt, but things have only gone downhill since then. she hasn’t initiated plans once in months, and even when i try to, she makes excuses the majority of the time or will leave early after only an hour. she ignores a lot of my texts, and is snippy in group situations. there hasn’t been one huge event where she was straight up terrible, but in general, she hasn’t been a great friend and things between us have done a total 180 (and even our mutual friends have noticed and asked what’s wrong). i’ve brought up with her multiple times that she is acting differently and that our friendship does not feel the same, but she just blows it off and changes the subject or stops replying. the only time she acts normal is when we talk about the trip - she’s soo excited to go sailing and water skiing and get drunk on the beach etc. my parents summer house is extremely important to me. this is where i spent every summer growing up, and it’s also the only time i see my family now that i live 2,000 miles away. (i don’t see them over christmas/thanksgiving etc.) this trip is the number one think i look forward to every single year. because of the way she’s been acting (especially when i was injured), i’ve grown pretty resentful of her and i don’t really want her to come anymore. i think it would ruin my time because i’d just be thinking about it constantly. this place is so so special to me and i don’t want to share it with someone who treats me like shit. wibta if i uninvited her? (i would obviously pay her back for her ticket.) [/INST] info. have you spoken with her directly about her not coming? "amanda, since i was injured, your attitude toward me has changed to the point that i am wondering how you are going to be when you come on vacation with my family and me. it seems like you don't want to communicate with me or be around me anymore. i'm not sure vacationing with my family and me is going to work anymore." </s>
|
AITA for telling my BSF she is sexist
|
so basically i am in charge of the children in my church. we do a thing each month where we have a service dedicated to children so they can learn about god and everything, they love it. it's a great experience for them. they also have to practice a song, script, or dance for god. so i was teaching them a dance and everything was going great until they got tired so we took a break and talked. my little sister sat down crisscrossed on a chair and my bsf's little brother says "my sister says girls can't sit like that only guys" so i tell him "you can sit however you want, it really shouldn't matter" then his other sister says "i know right, she always tells me i should act more like a lady!". that's when i tell them "ignore her she is just being weird.". so we continue practicing and we take another break. they start talking about school and the friends they made either way we start talking about feelings and the little boy says "my older sister says i can't cry, because if i do that means i am a girl.". at this point, i had already heard enough. i told it is okay to cry if he cries that mean he has feeling and is a human. so after practice, my bsf comes up and asks why i called her weird, her sibling had told her. i said oh because you told your brother that guys can't cry, i said this and then just laughed it off. she immediately gets defensive and says well that's because he is a crybaby and cries about every single thing. i replay saying well maybe just call him a crybaby instead of saying men can't cry. she says well that's the only he stops and i am like "well you aren't his mom so stop, this can do so much damage to him, not only that but it is sexist, it's the same as saying that woman belong in the kitchen, there shouldn't be a double standard". she was on the verge of crying and i didn't notice so my older brother steps in (they are dating). my brother starts telling me not to go all off on her. i just left because i knew this wasn't going anywhere. but now i feel bad because i didn't notice she was about to cry until my brother pointed it out. i don't if i was a bit harsh on her? so aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n5nip8/aita_for_telling_my_bsf_she_is_sexist/
|
2021-05-05 18:54:12
|
nta, partly because of standing up against really toxic gender roles and partly because \*conflict is okay\*. it's okay to feel strongly about something and behave accordingly. your bsf (bible study fellow?) needs to be able to handle it when someone disagrees with her on a moral issue. if she's going to believe that boys can't cry and girls need to sit in some weird gendered fashion then she has to be able to defend that belief when people challenge it.
also, for pete's sake, a religious space seems like a \*normal\* place for debating morality.
|
info what’s a bsf?
|
nta you are standing up against sexism even if it is coming from your bsf. i am a guy and i would have loved to have more female friends like you. crying is only human.
|
nta.
you rightfully called her out and she didn’t like it. tough luck for her...
|
nta. the tears seem manipulative, honestly. she might have learned by now that tears help her get her way. the only reason she should be crying is if she realizes she’s a terrible person for making a little boy feel bad for having emotions.
|
nta, plus, she’s a crybaby.
|
nta. you’re standing up for people and fighting harmful stereotypes. she worded that very poorly, and it’s not your fault that she put her foot in her mouth. she needed to be called out. hopefully she realizes her mistake
|
info: what is a bsf and how old is she and you?
|
nta
she was the one who started it, she was the one who continued to push it, she asked you to go off on her.
don't feel too bad about your brother, if he hadn't had said anything she probably would have been just as mad at him.
| null |
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null | 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so basically i am in charge of the children in my church. we do a thing each month where we have a service dedicated to children so they can learn about god and everything, they love it. it's a great experience for them. they also have to practice a song, script, or dance for god. so i was teaching them a dance and everything was going great until they got tired so we took a break and talked. my little sister sat down crisscrossed on a chair and my bsf's little brother says "my sister says girls can't sit like that only guys" so i tell him "you can sit however you want, it really shouldn't matter" then his other sister says "i know right, she always tells me i should act more like a lady!". that's when i tell them "ignore her she is just being weird.". so we continue practicing and we take another break. they start talking about school and the friends they made either way we start talking about feelings and the little boy says "my older sister says i can't cry, because if i do that means i am a girl.". at this point, i had already heard enough. i told it is okay to cry if he cries that mean he has feeling and is a human. so after practice, my bsf comes up and asks why i called her weird, her sibling had told her. i said oh because you told your brother that guys can't cry, i said this and then just laughed it off. she immediately gets defensive and says well that's because he is a crybaby and cries about every single thing. i replay saying well maybe just call him a crybaby instead of saying men can't cry. she says well that's the only he stops and i am like "well you aren't his mom so stop, this can do so much damage to him, not only that but it is sexist, it's the same as saying that woman belong in the kitchen, there shouldn't be a double standard". she was on the verge of crying and i didn't notice so my older brother steps in (they are dating). my brother starts telling me not to go all off on her. i just left because i knew this wasn't going anywhere. but now i feel bad because i didn't notice she was about to cry until my brother pointed it out. i don't if i was a bit harsh on her? so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so basically i am in charge of the children in my church. we do a thing each month where we have a service dedicated to children so they can learn about god and everything, they love it. it's a great experience for them. they also have to practice a song, script, or dance for god. so i was teaching them a dance and everything was going great until they got tired so we took a break and talked. my little sister sat down crisscrossed on a chair and my bsf's little brother says "my sister says girls can't sit like that only guys" so i tell him "you can sit however you want, it really shouldn't matter" then his other sister says "i know right, she always tells me i should act more like a lady!". that's when i tell them "ignore her she is just being weird.". so we continue practicing and we take another break. they start talking about school and the friends they made either way we start talking about feelings and the little boy says "my older sister says i can't cry, because if i do that means i am a girl.". at this point, i had already heard enough. i told it is okay to cry if he cries that mean he has feeling and is a human. so after practice, my bsf comes up and asks why i called her weird, her sibling had told her. i said oh because you told your brother that guys can't cry, i said this and then just laughed it off. she immediately gets defensive and says well that's because he is a crybaby and cries about every single thing. i replay saying well maybe just call him a crybaby instead of saying men can't cry. she says well that's the only he stops and i am like "well you aren't his mom so stop, this can do so much damage to him, not only that but it is sexist, it's the same as saying that woman belong in the kitchen, there shouldn't be a double standard". she was on the verge of crying and i didn't notice so my older brother steps in (they are dating). my brother starts telling me not to go all off on her. i just left because i knew this wasn't going anywhere. but now i feel bad because i didn't notice she was about to cry until my brother pointed it out. i don't if i was a bit harsh on her? so aita? [/INST] nta, partly because of standing up against really toxic gender roles and partly because \*conflict is okay\*. it's okay to feel strongly about something and behave accordingly. your bsf (bible study fellow?) needs to be able to handle it when someone disagrees with her on a moral issue. if she's going to believe that boys can't cry and girls need to sit in some weird gendered fashion then she has to be able to defend that belief when people challenge it. also, for pete's sake, a religious space seems like a \*normal\* place for debating morality. </s>
|
AITA for leaving a family event early?
|
so my wife (29f) and i (28m) had plans to see family from cali at her dads house (we all live in orlando). we only get to see them once every few years
friday, her cali aunt and uncle get into town and we all plan on meeting them for dinner. the local aunt shows up an hour late after having us move the reservation time an hour early for her, and greets her brother and her cali sister and her husband. not of saying hi to us or anything, she tells my wife to move to the end of the table so she can sit in the middle, but ends up sitting at the end. now across from me she looks at me and tells me i need to be quiet because she has a headache.
she skips saturday when we all go out to disney and we plan on meeting sunday at my father in laws house to swim and eat and drink and such. the cali family asks about our dogs and they want to meet them so we told them we would bring them.
i smoke brisket and i spend 18 hours smoking one saturday and i am up till 2am sunday before its done
today comes and we all head over to my father inlaws house. we load up our car with the brisket and dogs. i stop along the way to pick up rolls and surprise the cali uncle with a bottle of his favorite scotch ($70 a bottle) and i grab a nice bottle of whiskey for the rest of us. we get there and we are all having a good time till her local aunt shows up (again like an hour and a half after everyone else) and says hi to everyone except my wife and i. she doesnt say a single word to us.
instead she spends 15-20 minutes talking to them and loudly complaining about our dogs. our dogs are well trained, all they do they come up to say hi get get pets and stuff
she starts flipping out about our dogs are too close to her and how shes allergic to dogs. but she had dogs for years with no issues. from what i was told she would constantly bring them over to my father in laws house and do nothing as they destroyed stuff, jumped up on people, etc
so we are 30ish minutes in without her saying a single word to us except about how much she doesn't want our dogs anywhere near her and getting very upset when anyone near her pets one of them. she makes such a fuss that my wife, on the verge of tears decides shes had enough and we are leaving. we leash up the dogs and her dad comes over and asks whats going on and we tell him we have to leave because of the local aunt.
we get the dogs in the car, and pull out of the driveway leaving the $80 brisket and both $70 bottles of liquor, when her cali cousin runs up and flags us down. he keeps trying to fix it but my wife is in tears and i finally say we are leaving because of the local aunt. he keeps offering solutions and eventually we tell him we will come back when she leaves. as we drive home my wife is balling her eyes out about how her local aunt treats her and how its so unfair.
am i the asshole for bringing the dogs and leaving when my wifes aunt makes her cry?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v5lz52/aita_for_leaving_a_family_event_early/
|
2022-06-05 20:34:41
|
nta.
nope, not the asshole. the rest of the family is putting up with her acting poorly. that's their problem. i understand why you left. your wife is your concern, not the rest of them.
|
nta.
that lady sounds like a psycho. go no contact. who needs the drama?
|
nta, sorry you had to deal with that. you did what was best for you and your wife
|
nta. the host was okay with the dogs being there. if you had taken them with you without the host being okay with it that would be one thing.
or if the aunt had kindly asked if the dogs could be somewhere else, that might be okay. but the way she chose to handle it was immature and hurtful. leaving seems like the right call.
|
with the information given, i’d say nta
this aunt sounds like that one annoying person every family has.
|
nta. obviously, the local aunt believes the world revolves around her. she has no respect for other people's time.
the cali people wanted to meet the dogs. the local aunt was beyond rude. you did the right thing in leaving and also saying exactly why.
i am so sorry this happened to you and your wife.
|
nta
good that you stood up for your wife and yourself. local aunt sounds like she’s got something against you your wife for some reason…sounds like it could probably be some jealousy?
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my wife (29f) and i (28m) had plans to see family from cali at her dads house (we all live in orlando). we only get to see them once every few years friday, her cali aunt and uncle get into town and we all plan on meeting them for dinner. the local aunt shows up an hour late after having us move the reservation time an hour early for her, and greets her brother and her cali sister and her husband. not of saying hi to us or anything, she tells my wife to move to the end of the table so she can sit in the middle, but ends up sitting at the end. now across from me she looks at me and tells me i need to be quiet because she has a headache. she skips saturday when we all go out to disney and we plan on meeting sunday at my father in laws house to swim and eat and drink and such. the cali family asks about our dogs and they want to meet them so we told them we would bring them. i smoke brisket and i spend 18 hours smoking one saturday and i am up till 2am sunday before its done today comes and we all head over to my father inlaws house. we load up our car with the brisket and dogs. i stop along the way to pick up rolls and surprise the cali uncle with a bottle of his favorite scotch ($70 a bottle) and i grab a nice bottle of whiskey for the rest of us. we get there and we are all having a good time till her local aunt shows up (again like an hour and a half after everyone else) and says hi to everyone except my wife and i. she doesnt say a single word to us. instead she spends 15-20 minutes talking to them and loudly complaining about our dogs. our dogs are well trained, all they do they come up to say hi get get pets and stuff she starts flipping out about our dogs are too close to her and how shes allergic to dogs. but she had dogs for years with no issues. from what i was told she would constantly bring them over to my father in laws house and do nothing as they destroyed stuff, jumped up on people, etc so we are 30ish minutes in without her saying a single word to us except about how much she doesn't want our dogs anywhere near her and getting very upset when anyone near her pets one of them. she makes such a fuss that my wife, on the verge of tears decides shes had enough and we are leaving. we leash up the dogs and her dad comes over and asks whats going on and we tell him we have to leave because of the local aunt. we get the dogs in the car, and pull out of the driveway leaving the $80 brisket and both $70 bottles of liquor, when her cali cousin runs up and flags us down. he keeps trying to fix it but my wife is in tears and i finally say we are leaving because of the local aunt. he keeps offering solutions and eventually we tell him we will come back when she leaves. as we drive home my wife is balling her eyes out about how her local aunt treats her and how its so unfair. am i the asshole for bringing the dogs and leaving when my wifes aunt makes her cry?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my wife (29f) and i (28m) had plans to see family from cali at her dads house (we all live in orlando). we only get to see them once every few years friday, her cali aunt and uncle get into town and we all plan on meeting them for dinner. the local aunt shows up an hour late after having us move the reservation time an hour early for her, and greets her brother and her cali sister and her husband. not of saying hi to us or anything, she tells my wife to move to the end of the table so she can sit in the middle, but ends up sitting at the end. now across from me she looks at me and tells me i need to be quiet because she has a headache. she skips saturday when we all go out to disney and we plan on meeting sunday at my father in laws house to swim and eat and drink and such. the cali family asks about our dogs and they want to meet them so we told them we would bring them. i smoke brisket and i spend 18 hours smoking one saturday and i am up till 2am sunday before its done today comes and we all head over to my father inlaws house. we load up our car with the brisket and dogs. i stop along the way to pick up rolls and surprise the cali uncle with a bottle of his favorite scotch ($70 a bottle) and i grab a nice bottle of whiskey for the rest of us. we get there and we are all having a good time till her local aunt shows up (again like an hour and a half after everyone else) and says hi to everyone except my wife and i. she doesnt say a single word to us. instead she spends 15-20 minutes talking to them and loudly complaining about our dogs. our dogs are well trained, all they do they come up to say hi get get pets and stuff she starts flipping out about our dogs are too close to her and how shes allergic to dogs. but she had dogs for years with no issues. from what i was told she would constantly bring them over to my father in laws house and do nothing as they destroyed stuff, jumped up on people, etc so we are 30ish minutes in without her saying a single word to us except about how much she doesn't want our dogs anywhere near her and getting very upset when anyone near her pets one of them. she makes such a fuss that my wife, on the verge of tears decides shes had enough and we are leaving. we leash up the dogs and her dad comes over and asks whats going on and we tell him we have to leave because of the local aunt. we get the dogs in the car, and pull out of the driveway leaving the $80 brisket and both $70 bottles of liquor, when her cali cousin runs up and flags us down. he keeps trying to fix it but my wife is in tears and i finally say we are leaving because of the local aunt. he keeps offering solutions and eventually we tell him we will come back when she leaves. as we drive home my wife is balling her eyes out about how her local aunt treats her and how its so unfair. am i the asshole for bringing the dogs and leaving when my wifes aunt makes her cry? [/INST] nta. nope, not the asshole. the rest of the family is putting up with her acting poorly. that's their problem. i understand why you left. your wife is your concern, not the rest of them. </s>
|
AITA For pointing out that my friend's project was plagiarized?
|
this happened a couple days ago, and i need someone else's perspective on this. there's a guy in my class (who we'll call alex) who absolutely loves to animate. and he's goddamn brilliant at it! to an extent that i believe he genuinely has a future in the industry.
today in a class meeting, alex showed us an animation he worked on. it was 14 minutes long, running at a high frame-rate (which is hard to pull off for an amateur), and he even had some teachers do some voice acting. i fully acknowledge that it takes a helluva lot of effort to make something like that, but there was one major thing i took issue with. he literally plagiarized the entire thing.
his show is basically the same exact plot as regular show. (a series that aired on cartoon network and ended in 2017) for those of you who may not know, regular show was about a tall, thin bluebird and his short best raccoon friend. they work in a public park with a boss who thinks they always slack off.
alex's "show" (his words, not mine) is about a tall, thin guy in blue clothing, and his short best friend who wears glasses that make it look like he has rings around his eyes. they work in a public park, and their boss always calls them out for slacking. seeing a pattern yet? well, the similarities don't end there.
some of the character designs are dead on copies from regular show as well. there's another person who works at the park in alex's "show", a gorilla. his design is the exact same as skips (the gorilla who worked at the park in regular show) with some minor color changes.
the weirdo who frequents the park, who is described by the two protagonists as "sensitive" is a dead on lookalike for pops (the sensitive weirdo who frequents the park in regular show)
there's more though. in a different scene, he use character models from at least a dozen other cartoons, including teen titans go and adventure time.
if you've read this far, you must think i'm a cynical jackass who wants to put others down. but i didn't make these connections to try and make alex feel bad, i made them as a way to say "hey, what you made was awesome, but you should try and be more original." (yes he has made some original stuff, and ngl i was blown away.)
i genuinely thought it was one of the best animations i've seen in a long time. so i figured, 'hey, why not give him some constructive criticism, and try to help him make his content better!' but if that went well i wouldn't be posting this.
alex got pissed and started yelling at me to fuck off and that he knew what he was doing (as well as calling me some things that i morally refuse to even type.) . so here i am, feeling like an absolute dick. i really didn't want to hurt his feelings, and i feel awful for doing it. i wanted to give him some advice to make his videos even better (which imo is a high fucking bar to clear)
so, am i the asshole or not?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j05esg/aita_for_pointing_out_that_my_friends_project_was/
|
2020-09-26 12:45:13
|
info what was his intention with this piece? was he saying it was an original concept? or was it just a showcase of his ability as an animator?
|
info. what class is this for? someone with mad animation skill may not have the same skill at story development.
fanfic is a legitimate medium in a classroom setting for this reason.
|
"did you get your inspiration from regular show"? or something like that would have been the way to go. advice is rude when nobody's asking.
yta.
|
animator here. info:
2d or 3d?
if 2d, fully colored or just linework?
how long did he say he’d been working on this?
did he write and animate the entire thing himself?
how old are you guys?
|
info: was it for a grade or for fun?
|
nta. you were trying to help. ideally, only give people constructive criticism who want it, but he sounds like a massive jerk. let me put it this way-if you can tell these were plagiarized, an industry exec will be able to tell these were plagiarized. that is not a good start to a career in animation.
|
this sounds fake to me. i work in the animation industry and i do one minute per week which is already a lot of work. (2d animation so shows like regular show etc. 24 frames a second )14 minutes? i don’t think so!
but if it is true he shouldn’t be plagarising.
| null | null | null |
INFO
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.57735 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened a couple days ago, and i need someone else's perspective on this. there's a guy in my class (who we'll call alex) who absolutely loves to animate. and he's goddamn brilliant at it! to an extent that i believe he genuinely has a future in the industry. today in a class meeting, alex showed us an animation he worked on. it was 14 minutes long, running at a high frame-rate (which is hard to pull off for an amateur), and he even had some teachers do some voice acting. i fully acknowledge that it takes a helluva lot of effort to make something like that, but there was one major thing i took issue with. he literally plagiarized the entire thing. his show is basically the same exact plot as regular show. (a series that aired on cartoon network and ended in 2017) for those of you who may not know, regular show was about a tall, thin bluebird and his short best raccoon friend. they work in a public park with a boss who thinks they always slack off. alex's "show" (his words, not mine) is about a tall, thin guy in blue clothing, and his short best friend who wears glasses that make it look like he has rings around his eyes. they work in a public park, and their boss always calls them out for slacking. seeing a pattern yet? well, the similarities don't end there. some of the character designs are dead on copies from regular show as well. there's another person who works at the park in alex's "show", a gorilla. his design is the exact same as skips (the gorilla who worked at the park in regular show) with some minor color changes. the weirdo who frequents the park, who is described by the two protagonists as "sensitive" is a dead on lookalike for pops (the sensitive weirdo who frequents the park in regular show) there's more though. in a different scene, he use character models from at least a dozen other cartoons, including teen titans go and adventure time. if you've read this far, you must think i'm a cynical jackass who wants to put others down. but i didn't make these connections to try and make alex feel bad, i made them as a way to say "hey, what you made was awesome, but you should try and be more original." (yes he has made some original stuff, and ngl i was blown away.) i genuinely thought it was one of the best animations i've seen in a long time. so i figured, 'hey, why not give him some constructive criticism, and try to help him make his content better!' but if that went well i wouldn't be posting this. alex got pissed and started yelling at me to fuck off and that he knew what he was doing (as well as calling me some things that i morally refuse to even type.) . so here i am, feeling like an absolute dick. i really didn't want to hurt his feelings, and i feel awful for doing it. i wanted to give him some advice to make his videos even better (which imo is a high fucking bar to clear) so, am i the asshole or not?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened a couple days ago, and i need someone else's perspective on this. there's a guy in my class (who we'll call alex) who absolutely loves to animate. and he's goddamn brilliant at it! to an extent that i believe he genuinely has a future in the industry. today in a class meeting, alex showed us an animation he worked on. it was 14 minutes long, running at a high frame-rate (which is hard to pull off for an amateur), and he even had some teachers do some voice acting. i fully acknowledge that it takes a helluva lot of effort to make something like that, but there was one major thing i took issue with. he literally plagiarized the entire thing. his show is basically the same exact plot as regular show. (a series that aired on cartoon network and ended in 2017) for those of you who may not know, regular show was about a tall, thin bluebird and his short best raccoon friend. they work in a public park with a boss who thinks they always slack off. alex's "show" (his words, not mine) is about a tall, thin guy in blue clothing, and his short best friend who wears glasses that make it look like he has rings around his eyes. they work in a public park, and their boss always calls them out for slacking. seeing a pattern yet? well, the similarities don't end there. some of the character designs are dead on copies from regular show as well. there's another person who works at the park in alex's "show", a gorilla. his design is the exact same as skips (the gorilla who worked at the park in regular show) with some minor color changes. the weirdo who frequents the park, who is described by the two protagonists as "sensitive" is a dead on lookalike for pops (the sensitive weirdo who frequents the park in regular show) there's more though. in a different scene, he use character models from at least a dozen other cartoons, including teen titans go and adventure time. if you've read this far, you must think i'm a cynical jackass who wants to put others down. but i didn't make these connections to try and make alex feel bad, i made them as a way to say "hey, what you made was awesome, but you should try and be more original." (yes he has made some original stuff, and ngl i was blown away.) i genuinely thought it was one of the best animations i've seen in a long time. so i figured, 'hey, why not give him some constructive criticism, and try to help him make his content better!' but if that went well i wouldn't be posting this. alex got pissed and started yelling at me to fuck off and that he knew what he was doing (as well as calling me some things that i morally refuse to even type.) . so here i am, feeling like an absolute dick. i really didn't want to hurt his feelings, and i feel awful for doing it. i wanted to give him some advice to make his videos even better (which imo is a high fucking bar to clear) so, am i the asshole or not? [/INST] info what was his intention with this piece? was he saying it was an original concept? or was it just a showcase of his ability as an animator? </s>
|
WIBTA if I didn’t name my future child what everyone else wants?
|
hello there my judgemental friends!
alrighty.. when i was in the early stages of pregnancy my dh’s grandfather (my gfil) was very ill. knowing that he was nearing the end, knowing how important he was to my dh, knowing he was a good man and being, thoroughly, caught up in the emotion of the situation.. i agreed that, if my unborn child was a boy, we would name him after gfil.
my dh told gfil this and it brought him great happiness. our child was born happy and healthy but... not a boy.
time has passed and it has recently come to my attention that, if/when dh have another child who is male, we are expected to name him after gfil.
and i, no longer, wish to do this.
my reasons being:
since gfil has passed my relationship with my mil (the daughter of gfil) has soured. my post history has an in-depth explanation but, in short, my mil has blatantly expressed that she will not respect rules and boundaries that dh and i have put in place for our daughter. she also was very disrespectful to me, my physical wellbeing and, most importantly, the well being of my child in my later stages of pregnancy. my fear is that, by naming my future child after gfil, my mil will view this as an invitation to weasel her way into our parenting decisions.
i do not actually like said name. i would happily use it as a middle name but it is a very old fashioned name that i don’t believe would suit a child.
my father’s name has been in his family for generations. my generation is the first to not have an boys and, after a recent health scare that my father had, i’ve realised how important it is to name my son after my father.
so.. wibta if i didn’t use gfil’s name as a first name for my future child? as i said, i would certainly use it as a middle name but i am beginning to dread the idea of having a son as i just can’t bring myself to like this name!
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d1mnv4/wibta_if_i_didnt_name_my_future_child_what/
|
2019-09-09 05:35:01
|
nta, the choice of naming your child lies with you and your spouse. bottom line.
|
info. what is your so's though on this. in the end it is up for the two of you to agree on a name and no one else.
|
nta - but you didn’t mention how your husband feels about all this? does he want to name his son after your gfil?
overall, i wouldn’t pay much attention to what your in-laws want, it only matters what both you and your husband want. make sure you talk about this with him and see what his opinion is because you can’t just unilaterally decide what to name your kid (but ofcourse, neither does he. second name might be a good compromise here, like you mentioned.) other than that, you don’t owe your in-laws anything and don’t let them drive you crazy if they try to persuade you otherwise
|
nta nobody gets to pick the name of your child except for you and your husband.
only the asshole if you're just deciding on this new name without consulting your spouse at all.
|
info: what does your husband think? if he was the one to promise his grandfather, he may not be willing to just drop it.
|
nah. you're welcome to name your child anything you want and don't owe extended family for something they misunderstood (you said first kid, and that was a girl, end of offer). as long as your husband is in agreement with you about the name, you're good. it doesn't sound like anyone has made a big deal of this yet so i'm not calling anyone ta, but that could change when you tell them.
i like using middle names like you suggested because it honors someone without giving the kid a name that is out of style. that seems like a nice compromise if your husband still wants to name a son after his grandfather.
|
info: what does your husband feel about this? because i do think that ultimately, you two need to decide on a name *together*, and it would be unfair to blindside him with a desire for a different name if up till now, you've not said anything about no longer wanting to use your gfil's name like he originally wanted. you say he was important to your dh, so i can also see him thinking it would be unfair to name a kid your father's name, therefore putting your familial relationships over your dh's.
my advice? head off any resentment, come up with a name with no family background for a boy, and give him two second names arranged alphabetically. win-win, imo. and if you're still stuck on it being your father's name over your gfil - ask yourself why the name that's important to your dh can be shifted to a middle name, and not the one that's important to you.
|
nta - you're allowed to change your mind. especially after such an emotionally charged promise. they'll try to guilt you, but i agree that it is better to name the kid something you think is better, than to just play pacifier.
| null | null |
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NAH
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null | null | 0.088719 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello there my judgemental friends! alrighty.. when i was in the early stages of pregnancy my dh’s grandfather (my gfil) was very ill. knowing that he was nearing the end, knowing how important he was to my dh, knowing he was a good man and being, thoroughly, caught up in the emotion of the situation.. i agreed that, if my unborn child was a boy, we would name him after gfil. my dh told gfil this and it brought him great happiness. our child was born happy and healthy but... not a boy. time has passed and it has recently come to my attention that, if/when dh have another child who is male, we are expected to name him after gfil. and i, no longer, wish to do this. my reasons being: since gfil has passed my relationship with my mil (the daughter of gfil) has soured. my post history has an in-depth explanation but, in short, my mil has blatantly expressed that she will not respect rules and boundaries that dh and i have put in place for our daughter. she also was very disrespectful to me, my physical wellbeing and, most importantly, the well being of my child in my later stages of pregnancy. my fear is that, by naming my future child after gfil, my mil will view this as an invitation to weasel her way into our parenting decisions. i do not actually like said name. i would happily use it as a middle name but it is a very old fashioned name that i don’t believe would suit a child. my father’s name has been in his family for generations. my generation is the first to not have an boys and, after a recent health scare that my father had, i’ve realised how important it is to name my son after my father. so.. wibta if i didn’t use gfil’s name as a first name for my future child? as i said, i would certainly use it as a middle name but i am beginning to dread the idea of having a son as i just can’t bring myself to like this name!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello there my judgemental friends! alrighty.. when i was in the early stages of pregnancy my dh’s grandfather (my gfil) was very ill. knowing that he was nearing the end, knowing how important he was to my dh, knowing he was a good man and being, thoroughly, caught up in the emotion of the situation.. i agreed that, if my unborn child was a boy, we would name him after gfil. my dh told gfil this and it brought him great happiness. our child was born happy and healthy but... not a boy. time has passed and it has recently come to my attention that, if/when dh have another child who is male, we are expected to name him after gfil. and i, no longer, wish to do this. my reasons being: since gfil has passed my relationship with my mil (the daughter of gfil) has soured. my post history has an in-depth explanation but, in short, my mil has blatantly expressed that she will not respect rules and boundaries that dh and i have put in place for our daughter. she also was very disrespectful to me, my physical wellbeing and, most importantly, the well being of my child in my later stages of pregnancy. my fear is that, by naming my future child after gfil, my mil will view this as an invitation to weasel her way into our parenting decisions. i do not actually like said name. i would happily use it as a middle name but it is a very old fashioned name that i don’t believe would suit a child. my father’s name has been in his family for generations. my generation is the first to not have an boys and, after a recent health scare that my father had, i’ve realised how important it is to name my son after my father. so.. wibta if i didn’t use gfil’s name as a first name for my future child? as i said, i would certainly use it as a middle name but i am beginning to dread the idea of having a son as i just can’t bring myself to like this name! [/INST] nta, the choice of naming your child lies with you and your spouse. bottom line. </s>
|
AITA for continuing to watch “canceled” media that my sister banned on our shared Netflix account?
|
like many people i share a netflix account with my sister. she has a full time job, i’m just a student so i don’t have income and up until now she had no problem sharing her account with me. i know it’s technically illegal but we all do it lol
anyway she has been getting more and more into canceling celebrities lately, and her latest nemesis is tina fey. i love 30 rock and don’t want to pirate the show so i’ve been watching it on netflix. she sees 30 rock (and master of none which is also canceled) and tells me i’ll be kicked off her account if i keep watching canceled stuff. we had an argument about it where i reluctantly agreed to stop watching this “problematic” media.
then i found out i can actually delete recently watched shows from my account so i’ve gone back to watching 30r and mon but just deleting the history. well one day i messed up and forgot to remove that i watched 30 rock. my sister saw it and is now furious at me for taking advantage. is even going so far as to invoice me for half the netflix price of the past 10 months that i’ve been using it. i refuse to pay up. aita here?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/excn4j/aita_for_continuing_to_watch_canceled_media_that/
|
2020-02-01 21:08:12
|
esh i think your sister is being ridiculous, but if you agree to something you should keep to it. she is paying for the service, if she has conditions for using it (however unreasonable), you should follow those conditions. that being said, good fucking luck billing you, and even better luck finding a lawyer willing to sue someone for half of something when their name is nowhere on the account.
|
esh but maybe your sister more than you.
its her account that she pays for alone so she should be able to do as she pleases with it. if you don't want to accept her rules (however asinine they may be) then you shouldn't use her account.
on the other end, why the heck is she "canceling" shows for you? how does you watching 30 rock or mon effect her in anyway? either we arent getting all the info or your sister is way over controlling
|
[deleted]
|
yta, and it is not a shared account. you refuse to pay even 50% of what netflix costs and also refuse to listen to your sister’s wishes.
not casting judgement on whether these shows should be off limits or whether you should use others’ netflix password.
|
her account and her politics. reluctantly yta here i guess. she sounds like a lot of fun.
|
wait? what's wrong with tina fey?
|
yta. the "i'm a student so..." argument is b.s. don't be a parasite. if you decide to be one, understand that you do not have a say in the hosts actions. you are lucky that she didn't change her password. and that you are ungrateful for the free netflix she allows you to enjoy shows your arrogant and egotistical entitlement. go flip some burgers and get your own account.
|
yta. you’re sharing the netflix so pay half the bill it’s not even that much
|
yta
its her account, so her rules. you might have had an argument if you were paying at least half. even worse is that you deliberately went behind her back even finding a way to hide the evidence. i'm assuming the ten month charge is for the months that you were breaking the rules.
if you don't like her rules, then theres nothing that can be done about it.
|
yta, i get that the whole cancelled thing can be overbearing but i get it, i do that too (tho i don't limit or go after someone else for still supporting the product but i do lose a bit respect for them).
here is thing; everything (and i mean everything) is supply and demand. the more you watch or buy something, the more likely it will come back again. your sister wanting to go against it does make ai difference. not a big one but it helps. your sister is spending money to support and watch what she wants, not what she doesn't want to be supported at all. so you doing it either way cancels out her movement. it isn't a monitoring and control thing but it is a type of movement that you are hurting. it's her money too so you had no right to do it.
|
ESH
|
ESH
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.003383 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: like many people i share a netflix account with my sister. she has a full time job, i’m just a student so i don’t have income and up until now she had no problem sharing her account with me. i know it’s technically illegal but we all do it lol anyway she has been getting more and more into canceling celebrities lately, and her latest nemesis is tina fey. i love 30 rock and don’t want to pirate the show so i’ve been watching it on netflix. she sees 30 rock (and master of none which is also canceled) and tells me i’ll be kicked off her account if i keep watching canceled stuff. we had an argument about it where i reluctantly agreed to stop watching this “problematic” media. then i found out i can actually delete recently watched shows from my account so i’ve gone back to watching 30r and mon but just deleting the history. well one day i messed up and forgot to remove that i watched 30 rock. my sister saw it and is now furious at me for taking advantage. is even going so far as to invoice me for half the netflix price of the past 10 months that i’ve been using it. i refuse to pay up. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
like many people i share a netflix account with my sister. she has a full time job, i’m just a student so i don’t have income and up until now she had no problem sharing her account with me. i know it’s technically illegal but we all do it lol anyway she has been getting more and more into canceling celebrities lately, and her latest nemesis is tina fey. i love 30 rock and don’t want to pirate the show so i’ve been watching it on netflix. she sees 30 rock (and master of none which is also canceled) and tells me i’ll be kicked off her account if i keep watching canceled stuff. we had an argument about it where i reluctantly agreed to stop watching this “problematic” media. then i found out i can actually delete recently watched shows from my account so i’ve gone back to watching 30r and mon but just deleting the history. well one day i messed up and forgot to remove that i watched 30 rock. my sister saw it and is now furious at me for taking advantage. is even going so far as to invoice me for half the netflix price of the past 10 months that i’ve been using it. i refuse to pay up. aita here? [/INST] esh i think your sister is being ridiculous, but if you agree to something you should keep to it. she is paying for the service, if she has conditions for using it (however unreasonable), you should follow those conditions. that being said, good fucking luck billing you, and even better luck finding a lawyer willing to sue someone for half of something when their name is nowhere on the account. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to spend $150 to sleep on an air mattress?
|
my friend from college asked if i would be in his wedding. i was honored. we live in different states and i expected to have to buy a dress i would only wear once, airfare and lodging. my friend rented a mansion and expects me to sleep on an air mattress with strangers from the other side of the wedding party because the couple getting married wants us to "bond". it should be of note, i'm almost 50 and usually get up several times a night to pee. we are not college students anymore and i'm really beyond sleep overs with people i don't know. aita for not wanting to spend $150 a night to sleep on an air mattress with strangers?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bqrumf/aita_for_not_wanting_to_spend_150_to_sleep_on_an/
|
2019-05-20 06:19:20
|
nta. i’m pushing 30 and wouldn’t sleep on an air mattress in a shared room for free.
|
nta. tell you friend thanks for the offer, but you prefer to make your own arrangements.
|
no nta is everyone paying this or more? i don’t think anyone would want to be in that position
|
nta. find your own accommodations.
ain't nobody got time for air mattresses.
|
nta
i’m 37 and i don’t do air mattresses or couches. or room sharing with people i don’t know for that matter.
|
nta. you can get airbnbs for like $40 a night, respectfully decline and sleep in a real bed
|
nta. this is ridiculous! go happily stay where you want.
|
nta, i think that's a steep request for someone who, like you said, isn't a college stuent anymore. i think there are probably some people who'd be up to that, but almost no one in that age range would be cool with that.
|
nta. i'm quite a bit younger than you and have already put 'sleeping on air mattresses', except in emergencies on my murtagh list. aka "i'm too old for this shit", or more accurately "i'm a grown woman with a grown woman's salary and i'm going to ensure i sleep comfortably".
also, 'bond'? while you're asleep? what's wrong with the good old-fashioned go-out-and-get-drunk method?
|
nta. for $150 i'd rather get my own hotel or airbnb
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my friend from college asked if i would be in his wedding. i was honored. we live in different states and i expected to have to buy a dress i would only wear once, airfare and lodging. my friend rented a mansion and expects me to sleep on an air mattress with strangers from the other side of the wedding party because the couple getting married wants us to "bond". it should be of note, i'm almost 50 and usually get up several times a night to pee. we are not college students anymore and i'm really beyond sleep overs with people i don't know. aita for not wanting to spend $150 a night to sleep on an air mattress with strangers?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my friend from college asked if i would be in his wedding. i was honored. we live in different states and i expected to have to buy a dress i would only wear once, airfare and lodging. my friend rented a mansion and expects me to sleep on an air mattress with strangers from the other side of the wedding party because the couple getting married wants us to "bond". it should be of note, i'm almost 50 and usually get up several times a night to pee. we are not college students anymore and i'm really beyond sleep overs with people i don't know. aita for not wanting to spend $150 a night to sleep on an air mattress with strangers? [/INST] nta. i’m pushing 30 and wouldn’t sleep on an air mattress in a shared room for free. </s>
|
WIBTA if I report my sister for welfare fraud?
|
ghost account because a lot of my family uses reddit.
so, a little background. i have this sister, let's call her minerva. minerva has been married to "paul" for about 12 years or so.
minerva doesn't work. she says at home to "take care of" the house and the 3 remaining children. which she really doesn't do, if you could tell from the quotation marks.
paul makes decent money. enough to pay the mortgage, bills and buy food.
minerva and paul used to stay in different cities during the week because of paul's job, but not anymore. when this started years ago, minerva decided to get snap benefits and claimed that she and paul were "separated", and she had 4 children at home.
one of those children came to live with me, another went to live with another relative. i've never asked for and have never been paid a dime. this was 6 years ago. and she is still getting food stamps. minerva and paul have never separated. at times, there were only 2 children in the home.
so, reddit, i ask you, wibta if i report her for welfare fraud?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/by0bgr/wibta_if_i_report_my_sister_for_welfare_fraud/
|
2019-06-07 21:49:26
|
nta people like her are the reason it’s so hard to get the benefits in the first place and why people with benefits get a bad rap
|
nta. in fact you would be a fucking hero to taxpayers who are tired of this particular brand of bullshit. report away, and with a clear conscience.
|
nta you could report her for welfare fraud. you could also call child protective services. you didn't say what the conditions are like in her home, but they can't be great if two of her children are living with relatives. the children can't speak up for themselves, so you may need to speak up for them.
|
nta, sounds like a pretty trashy mother.
|
nta
people like her contribute to the difficulties people who genuinely need those benefits face when applying.
|
nta - she's commiting fraud and if she is receiving benefits while you support one of her children, that's an entirely different type of fraud! you are caring and paying for a child you can't claim on your taxes (harm to you), and that she did not presumably give you legal guardianship of (meaning trouble for you). you are also, iirc, owed child support by minerva for caring for her child.
edited based on ops reply to a comment elsehere (op refers to the child they raised as "my daughter")
she received child support for your daughter from your daughter's father, and kept it. that child support is an obligation from father to child - **minerva stole that money from her daughter - the child that you raised. you may not care about it, but she still owes that money to your daughter, and the court may be able to force her to repay it to your daughter.**
&#x200b;
minerva is stealing from the government, her biological children, her family. she's an all around asshole. someone needs to report her to save the children who are still with her.
~~you are entitled to receive the benefits for housing and providing for this child, as is the other relative. because she is committing fraud, she is actively preventing you from receiving benefits that you are owed. she is also taking benefits that she does not deserve or qualify for, which means those benefits are not available for others.~~
&#x200b;
~~report her, and let them investigate. if she's guilty, and their investigation turns this up, it is not your fault. if they find her not guilty, also not your fault. i'd report minerva, but consult with a family law attorney first to figure out the ways that this could potentially impact the child living with you. i'd end up reporting it regardless, but i'd want to know everything i could before doing so. cps may also be an option (as depending on the specifics, minerva may have abandoned her children).~~
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ghost account because a lot of my family uses reddit. so, a little background. i have this sister, let's call her minerva. minerva has been married to "paul" for about 12 years or so. minerva doesn't work. she says at home to "take care of" the house and the 3 remaining children. which she really doesn't do, if you could tell from the quotation marks. paul makes decent money. enough to pay the mortgage, bills and buy food. minerva and paul used to stay in different cities during the week because of paul's job, but not anymore. when this started years ago, minerva decided to get snap benefits and claimed that she and paul were "separated", and she had 4 children at home. one of those children came to live with me, another went to live with another relative. i've never asked for and have never been paid a dime. this was 6 years ago. and she is still getting food stamps. minerva and paul have never separated. at times, there were only 2 children in the home. so, reddit, i ask you, wibta if i report her for welfare fraud?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ghost account because a lot of my family uses reddit. so, a little background. i have this sister, let's call her minerva. minerva has been married to "paul" for about 12 years or so. minerva doesn't work. she says at home to "take care of" the house and the 3 remaining children. which she really doesn't do, if you could tell from the quotation marks. paul makes decent money. enough to pay the mortgage, bills and buy food. minerva and paul used to stay in different cities during the week because of paul's job, but not anymore. when this started years ago, minerva decided to get snap benefits and claimed that she and paul were "separated", and she had 4 children at home. one of those children came to live with me, another went to live with another relative. i've never asked for and have never been paid a dime. this was 6 years ago. and she is still getting food stamps. minerva and paul have never separated. at times, there were only 2 children in the home. so, reddit, i ask you, wibta if i report her for welfare fraud? [/INST] nta people like her are the reason it’s so hard to get the benefits in the first place and why people with benefits get a bad rap </s>
|
AITA for telling my wife not to take our turkey to a Thanksgiving dinner we were invited to?
|
okay, a few facts first: my wife is an american, but she’s original from turkey (coincidence, i know). we’ve been married for 10 years and she’s only been celebrating thanksgiving since 2012. she still doesn’t know the traditions of the holiday.
right now, i am away for training for my job. unfortunately, i am going to be here through thanksgiving and, we are not given the day after off and we cannot take it off, so we have to show up to training. it sucks because if we had the day after off, i would’ve flown home wed night.
i told my wife and kids i will be flying in friday night and we can have a late thanksgiving dinner on saturday. i recall saying this many times before i left and i even asked my wife to buy a cajun turkey.
last week, we were told that there was a slight chance we might get the day after thanksgiving off. with that in mind, i told my wife about possibly coming home wed night. she got excited and then asked me if we could go to her friend’s house for thanksgiving dinner. i said “sure,” but i said that i still want to have a thanksgiving dinner as a family, whether it be thursday or friday night. she just said ok.
turns out we are actually behind in our training course and the instructors are making us coming in the day after thanksgiving to catch up. so i had to break the news to my wife that i am not coming until friday.
here’s where the confusion lies, my wife still buys the turkey. she assumed that since we were invited to her friend’s for thanksgiving dinner, we were going to take the turkey. her argument was since i was persistent for her to buy a turkey, she thought that i wanted to take it to the dinner. never ever did i mention we were gonna it to the dinner! and i told her “if you are invited to a thanksgiving dinner, you bring a side dish, not the turkey! that’s on the host to provide!”
an argument starts, she told me that she already told her friend she is bringing a turkey (even though her friend told her not too) and that we can get another turkey when i arrive. i told her this is unrealistic because 1) turkeys are pretty much only sold up to thanksgiving and then they’re put away. 2)turkeys are normally sold frozen and take several days to defrost. 3)turkeys from chain restaurants are pre-ordered several days in advanced. to every point she said she didn’t know that.
when i asked her what she thought we were going to eat on our late thanksgiving dinner, she said she didn’t know, maybe steak? she compromised saying “i can bring some of it back for friday.” that really didn’t sit well with me and i told her so.
now she’s saying she doesn’t know what to do. she promised to bring a turkey and that her friend already bought a small turkey. then she goes off on me for being mad at her for a misunderstanding/miscommunication and she said many people would’ve thought the same way she did about buying the turkey to take it to the dinner. she also said i’m being a real a-hole over a stupid bird and tradition. aita here?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dzxewh/aita_for_telling_my_wife_not_to_take_our_turkey/
|
2019-11-22 06:59:56
|
yta and a real petty one too. they are still selling turkey and will continue up to christmas because it's a popular 2nd choice. also your late thanksgiving is a week away, long enough to thaw one.
way to ruin the spirit of the holiday though. really the turkey is the most valuable thing to you?
|
yta
mate it’s a turkey get over it or ask to swap your wife’s turkey for her friends smaller one, then you can have that friday.
to be fair just looking at your comment history i’d be surprised if this is real all you do is comment on r/ratemyboobs if it is i feel sorry for your wife.
|
nah it sounds like a miscommunication and cultural difference. can you explain that it's very nice of her to want to bring the main dish but it's *very* strange for the guest to bring the turkey, and for there to be multiple turkeys? tell her it wouldn't be a big deal to call her friend and explain she's still getting used to american traditions and worries she may have overstepped. then she can ask one final time if the friend wants her to bring the turkey and if the friend says yes, well your wife promised so she should bring a turkey, and if not your wife can ask what else is needed.
|
seriously?! this is what your bickering about? you're relationship must be perfect!
nah. it was miscommunication, move on.
|
i’m confused...
friend has turkey already.
you need/want turkey for your own dinner. you have a turkey too.
why not just level with the friend, and say “there’s no sense in having two turkeys, we got a little confused when we offered. can we bring a side?” and eat the other turkey yourself??
|
yta. while your right that it's odd and borderline inappropriate to bring a turkey when you go to someone else's house, you're making a mountain out of a mole hill.
|
yta, for being a ass about this. people make mistakes.. especially people who misunderstand culture.
you can ask her to talk to friend to work it out and it is not the end of the world.
|
yta, without question. grow up, it’s a turkey you can get for at least 6 more weeks.
you’re an even bigger asshole for all your comments on other women’s boobs. feeling lonely at your training is a pathetic excuse, and often what cheaters say to justify their actions.
you’re wife deserves better.
|
i agree with your wife about the pettiness and blowing things out of proportion. i don't know a whole lot about thanksgiving but from what i gather the important part is being with people you love.
so your company is the asshole here, messing you about like that.
|
nah, but i would be frustrated too. we’re going out to a restaurant for thanksgiving dinner with family, but i’m still buying everything to cook a thanksgiving dinner at home. gotta have the leftovers!
can she buy another turkey now and keep it to roast for your family dinner? there’s still time before thanksgiving. since it has to defrost anyway.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
NAH
| 0.229769 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay, a few facts first: my wife is an american, but she’s original from turkey (coincidence, i know). we’ve been married for 10 years and she’s only been celebrating thanksgiving since 2012. she still doesn’t know the traditions of the holiday. right now, i am away for training for my job. unfortunately, i am going to be here through thanksgiving and, we are not given the day after off and we cannot take it off, so we have to show up to training. it sucks because if we had the day after off, i would’ve flown home wed night. i told my wife and kids i will be flying in friday night and we can have a late thanksgiving dinner on saturday. i recall saying this many times before i left and i even asked my wife to buy a cajun turkey. last week, we were told that there was a slight chance we might get the day after thanksgiving off. with that in mind, i told my wife about possibly coming home wed night. she got excited and then asked me if we could go to her friend’s house for thanksgiving dinner. i said “sure,” but i said that i still want to have a thanksgiving dinner as a family, whether it be thursday or friday night. she just said ok. turns out we are actually behind in our training course and the instructors are making us coming in the day after thanksgiving to catch up. so i had to break the news to my wife that i am not coming until friday. here’s where the confusion lies, my wife still buys the turkey. she assumed that since we were invited to her friend’s for thanksgiving dinner, we were going to take the turkey. her argument was since i was persistent for her to buy a turkey, she thought that i wanted to take it to the dinner. never ever did i mention we were gonna it to the dinner! and i told her “if you are invited to a thanksgiving dinner, you bring a side dish, not the turkey! that’s on the host to provide!” an argument starts, she told me that she already told her friend she is bringing a turkey (even though her friend told her not too) and that we can get another turkey when i arrive. i told her this is unrealistic because 1) turkeys are pretty much only sold up to thanksgiving and then they’re put away. 2)turkeys are normally sold frozen and take several days to defrost. 3)turkeys from chain restaurants are pre-ordered several days in advanced. to every point she said she didn’t know that. when i asked her what she thought we were going to eat on our late thanksgiving dinner, she said she didn’t know, maybe steak? she compromised saying “i can bring some of it back for friday.” that really didn’t sit well with me and i told her so. now she’s saying she doesn’t know what to do. she promised to bring a turkey and that her friend already bought a small turkey. then she goes off on me for being mad at her for a misunderstanding/miscommunication and she said many people would’ve thought the same way she did about buying the turkey to take it to the dinner. she also said i’m being a real a-hole over a stupid bird and tradition. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay, a few facts first: my wife is an american, but she’s original from turkey (coincidence, i know). we’ve been married for 10 years and she’s only been celebrating thanksgiving since 2012. she still doesn’t know the traditions of the holiday. right now, i am away for training for my job. unfortunately, i am going to be here through thanksgiving and, we are not given the day after off and we cannot take it off, so we have to show up to training. it sucks because if we had the day after off, i would’ve flown home wed night. i told my wife and kids i will be flying in friday night and we can have a late thanksgiving dinner on saturday. i recall saying this many times before i left and i even asked my wife to buy a cajun turkey. last week, we were told that there was a slight chance we might get the day after thanksgiving off. with that in mind, i told my wife about possibly coming home wed night. she got excited and then asked me if we could go to her friend’s house for thanksgiving dinner. i said “sure,” but i said that i still want to have a thanksgiving dinner as a family, whether it be thursday or friday night. she just said ok. turns out we are actually behind in our training course and the instructors are making us coming in the day after thanksgiving to catch up. so i had to break the news to my wife that i am not coming until friday. here’s where the confusion lies, my wife still buys the turkey. she assumed that since we were invited to her friend’s for thanksgiving dinner, we were going to take the turkey. her argument was since i was persistent for her to buy a turkey, she thought that i wanted to take it to the dinner. never ever did i mention we were gonna it to the dinner! and i told her “if you are invited to a thanksgiving dinner, you bring a side dish, not the turkey! that’s on the host to provide!” an argument starts, she told me that she already told her friend she is bringing a turkey (even though her friend told her not too) and that we can get another turkey when i arrive. i told her this is unrealistic because 1) turkeys are pretty much only sold up to thanksgiving and then they’re put away. 2)turkeys are normally sold frozen and take several days to defrost. 3)turkeys from chain restaurants are pre-ordered several days in advanced. to every point she said she didn’t know that. when i asked her what she thought we were going to eat on our late thanksgiving dinner, she said she didn’t know, maybe steak? she compromised saying “i can bring some of it back for friday.” that really didn’t sit well with me and i told her so. now she’s saying she doesn’t know what to do. she promised to bring a turkey and that her friend already bought a small turkey. then she goes off on me for being mad at her for a misunderstanding/miscommunication and she said many people would’ve thought the same way she did about buying the turkey to take it to the dinner. she also said i’m being a real a-hole over a stupid bird and tradition. aita here? [/INST] yta and a real petty one too. they are still selling turkey and will continue up to christmas because it's a popular 2nd choice. also your late thanksgiving is a week away, long enough to thaw one. way to ruin the spirit of the holiday though. really the turkey is the most valuable thing to you? </s>
|
AITA if I charged my ex to watch our daughter?
|
my ex and i are currently going through a divorce, been separated since april of last year. we’ve met with a mediator and we agreed that he’d have our toddler full time, while i’d only have her friday evening through sunday night. he hires a babysitter for the days he has to work, which she charges him a rate of $60 a day.
lately he’s been asking me to watch her on the weekdays here and there(which i was fine with at first), but now it’s become constant. when i tell him “no” he tends to get all salty like and i’ll have to remind him about the terms of our agreement. i’d also like to add in the fact that when he does drop her off on the weekends, there will be days when he drops her off a couple of hours early because of work(which really isn’t any of my concern because our relationship is over, he needs to adult and figure that shit out). so would i be in the wrong if i asked him to shoot some cash for watching our kid on the days and time that are written and have legally been agreed upon to be his(the full time parent)? i obviously wouldn’t charge him the whole $60, was thinking like $30. i figure this is one of those, “you scratch my back, i’ll scratch yours” situations.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gejnz6/aita_if_i_charged_my_ex_to_watch_our_daughter/
|
2020-05-06 13:07:15
|
yta. you might be mad at him and that’s why you feel the need to charge money but it’s your child. you’re not a baby sitter, you’re a parent. you should be glad to have extra time with your child and if you’re not then put your foot down and have him hire one. the kid didn’t do anything to you so either watch them or don’t.
|
"mummy, why can't i see you today?"
"because your father didn't pay me enough to look after my own daughter."
majorly yta. have you considered completely giving up custody of your daughter since you clearly don't want to be a parent?
|
yes. yta. it’s your freaking kid. not an object. you’re a parent not a babysitter. act like it. if you think you deserve some sort of reward for literally doing what you’re supposed to do, then you’re wrong. it’s your child.
|
yta. you are a parent, watch your child. if needed get the custody and child support agreement modified (strongly recommend that).
|
yta you need to adult up yourself and actually look after your child and pay child support
|
oh wow yeah. if this post was an astrology sign, it’d be esh, with yta rising.
|
holy shit, yta this is your child. you get them more than your custody agreement. who wouldn’t be thrilled to have their child more than the custody agreement? you’re not contributing to him having your child most of the time even though he is incurring most of their expenses. so there isn’t a financial issue here. if you are taking time off work, then that would be different, but you’re getting your child a few hours early.
|
yta this is the saddest thing i’ve read in quite a while.
|
“you scratch my back, i’ll scratch yours”.....it’s your child, there is no back scratching, like i get that you want to be a part time parent and don’t seem to really want to see your child but jesus.....yta
|
info
are you paying child support or otherwise financially support your ex having the child most of the time?
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| 0.007204 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my ex and i are currently going through a divorce, been separated since april of last year. we’ve met with a mediator and we agreed that he’d have our toddler full time, while i’d only have her friday evening through sunday night. he hires a babysitter for the days he has to work, which she charges him a rate of $60 a day. lately he’s been asking me to watch her on the weekdays here and there(which i was fine with at first), but now it’s become constant. when i tell him “no” he tends to get all salty like and i’ll have to remind him about the terms of our agreement. i’d also like to add in the fact that when he does drop her off on the weekends, there will be days when he drops her off a couple of hours early because of work(which really isn’t any of my concern because our relationship is over, he needs to adult and figure that shit out). so would i be in the wrong if i asked him to shoot some cash for watching our kid on the days and time that are written and have legally been agreed upon to be his(the full time parent)? i obviously wouldn’t charge him the whole $60, was thinking like $30. i figure this is one of those, “you scratch my back, i’ll scratch yours” situations.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my ex and i are currently going through a divorce, been separated since april of last year. we’ve met with a mediator and we agreed that he’d have our toddler full time, while i’d only have her friday evening through sunday night. he hires a babysitter for the days he has to work, which she charges him a rate of $60 a day. lately he’s been asking me to watch her on the weekdays here and there(which i was fine with at first), but now it’s become constant. when i tell him “no” he tends to get all salty like and i’ll have to remind him about the terms of our agreement. i’d also like to add in the fact that when he does drop her off on the weekends, there will be days when he drops her off a couple of hours early because of work(which really isn’t any of my concern because our relationship is over, he needs to adult and figure that shit out). so would i be in the wrong if i asked him to shoot some cash for watching our kid on the days and time that are written and have legally been agreed upon to be his(the full time parent)? i obviously wouldn’t charge him the whole $60, was thinking like $30. i figure this is one of those, “you scratch my back, i’ll scratch yours” situations. [/INST] yta. you might be mad at him and that’s why you feel the need to charge money but it’s your child. you’re not a baby sitter, you’re a parent. you should be glad to have extra time with your child and if you’re not then put your foot down and have him hire one. the kid didn’t do anything to you so either watch them or don’t. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to hang out with my cousin anymore?
|
my cousins and i (m21) practiacally grew up together. we spent a lot of time together. i was close with all of them, but specifically with one cousin and his sister (17f). this post is about her. growing up, being her older brother essentially, i was always protective of her and tried to keep her from making choices that end up hurting her. i never forbid her anything, because i don't really think i have the right to do that. i've only advised her against doing some stuff, but she was always free to do it. this included a couple of bad, emotianally abusive boyfriends and a friends of hers who's her best friend.
during the past year, she made more bad choices and always ended up crying to me about how a guy hurt her who everyone told her would do that but for every guy she says "he's different". i've accepted that she will never listen to my advice, so i've stopped giving it. we still hung out though, but i could feel us drifting further apart.
needless to say, there was a small gathering at her house. i had to leave early. after that, she got drunk, too drunk, went into a car with her "best friend" who was also drunk, tried to drive however a friend jumped on the hood of the car to stop them from going and hid their keys. they were fucked up and my little cousin who i always cared for got drunk enough to try to make herself vomit, cutting her throat from the inside with her nail, and puking out blood. after that, her friend and her popped out some weed and started smoking, which i didn't know was happening, but she later admitted to me that she is addicted and can't stop.
as a result of all of this, i decided to give up. i don't care anymore. she can do whatever she wants but i don't have to see it. anyways, i've been told by some friends that that would make me a bad cousin, while some people like my mom agree with me. the doubts cast by some of those friends make me wonder if i'm making a mistake, so i guess i leave it up to reddit.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pajbqv/aita_for_not_wanting_to_hang_out_with_my_cousin/
|
2021-08-24 08:40:05
|
nta.
there's only so much effort you can put in.
i'd make it clear to her you're done with her bullshit, but i'd let her know if she ever wants to change, you'll be there for her.
|
nta. you can't force her to fix her life and ignoring what she's doing while staying in contact is just enabling her. maybe you can give her one more chance and tell her that if she seeks out the help she needs you'll support her but that you're done watching her destroy herself.
|
nta, cousins don’t always stick together and i know you said you gave up but maybe talk to her parents, get her into a rehab of some sort, she’s too young to be acting like that
|
nta. sounds like you’re drifting apart. her interests (partying and getting fucked up) aren’t your interests. there’s nothing wrong with that. it’s sweet that you care about her, and it’s okay to tell her you are worried. but she has to make the choice to do better. no one can force her.
|
nta. you’re not obligated to watch over her and ensure her safety. in the case of her wanting to drive with her drunk friend, i wonder where are her parents in that situation, especially since she’s a minor at a gathering at her house. it’s fair to feel concerned about her actions, but her parents need to be more involved if she’s behaving this way
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my cousins and i (m21) practiacally grew up together. we spent a lot of time together. i was close with all of them, but specifically with one cousin and his sister (17f). this post is about her. growing up, being her older brother essentially, i was always protective of her and tried to keep her from making choices that end up hurting her. i never forbid her anything, because i don't really think i have the right to do that. i've only advised her against doing some stuff, but she was always free to do it. this included a couple of bad, emotianally abusive boyfriends and a friends of hers who's her best friend. during the past year, she made more bad choices and always ended up crying to me about how a guy hurt her who everyone told her would do that but for every guy she says "he's different". i've accepted that she will never listen to my advice, so i've stopped giving it. we still hung out though, but i could feel us drifting further apart. needless to say, there was a small gathering at her house. i had to leave early. after that, she got drunk, too drunk, went into a car with her "best friend" who was also drunk, tried to drive however a friend jumped on the hood of the car to stop them from going and hid their keys. they were fucked up and my little cousin who i always cared for got drunk enough to try to make herself vomit, cutting her throat from the inside with her nail, and puking out blood. after that, her friend and her popped out some weed and started smoking, which i didn't know was happening, but she later admitted to me that she is addicted and can't stop. as a result of all of this, i decided to give up. i don't care anymore. she can do whatever she wants but i don't have to see it. anyways, i've been told by some friends that that would make me a bad cousin, while some people like my mom agree with me. the doubts cast by some of those friends make me wonder if i'm making a mistake, so i guess i leave it up to reddit.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my cousins and i (m21) practiacally grew up together. we spent a lot of time together. i was close with all of them, but specifically with one cousin and his sister (17f). this post is about her. growing up, being her older brother essentially, i was always protective of her and tried to keep her from making choices that end up hurting her. i never forbid her anything, because i don't really think i have the right to do that. i've only advised her against doing some stuff, but she was always free to do it. this included a couple of bad, emotianally abusive boyfriends and a friends of hers who's her best friend. during the past year, she made more bad choices and always ended up crying to me about how a guy hurt her who everyone told her would do that but for every guy she says "he's different". i've accepted that she will never listen to my advice, so i've stopped giving it. we still hung out though, but i could feel us drifting further apart. needless to say, there was a small gathering at her house. i had to leave early. after that, she got drunk, too drunk, went into a car with her "best friend" who was also drunk, tried to drive however a friend jumped on the hood of the car to stop them from going and hid their keys. they were fucked up and my little cousin who i always cared for got drunk enough to try to make herself vomit, cutting her throat from the inside with her nail, and puking out blood. after that, her friend and her popped out some weed and started smoking, which i didn't know was happening, but she later admitted to me that she is addicted and can't stop. as a result of all of this, i decided to give up. i don't care anymore. she can do whatever she wants but i don't have to see it. anyways, i've been told by some friends that that would make me a bad cousin, while some people like my mom agree with me. the doubts cast by some of those friends make me wonder if i'm making a mistake, so i guess i leave it up to reddit. [/INST] nta. there's only so much effort you can put in. i'd make it clear to her you're done with her bullshit, but i'd let her know if she ever wants to change, you'll be there for her. </s>
|
AITA for telling GF that if she wanted expensive snacks she was to pay for them?
|
honestly, i (28m) never thought i'd have to come here for advice since it didn't seem like such a big deal to me but gf's (26f) friends have been blowing up my phone.
i want to start by saying that i have no problem supporting both of us financially. however, i also support my family as well since my parents are elderly and have health problems and my siblings are busy with school.
two months before quarantine my gf left her job due to circumstances and we decided it was time to move in together since we've already been together for 3 years at this point. we decided that instead of going through the hassle of ending my lease and finding a new place, she'd just move in with since i lived alone and already paid the annual rent while she lived with her parents.
the entire time gf was unable to find a new job, and would ask me for advice on the situation daily and would go on several interviews every week.
we've been under quarantine for a month and a half now and i understand that it's a stressful time for everyone and we all cope in our ways which is why i've started buying hair and skincare packages while gf started snacking a lot more.
now both gf and i enjoy snacking on things quite frequently. gf, usually paid for the snacks with her own money while i paid for the weekly groceries along with my snacks but because of her employment situation, i've been paying for her snacks for a month now which isn't a problem.
i'm the one that goes shopping while gf usually gives me a list of things she wants. however ever since i started paying for her, over time her snack requests have started being extremely specific and diverging from what she would usually get herself. like to the point that i had to ask for assistance to find them as they would be located in the "foreign goods" or "vegan" or "gluten-free" section unlike the usual "chips and cookies" or "sweets and chocolates" aisle.
the snacks she's been requesting are not only hard to find but are more expensive and because she wants several things, increase our usual bill by a significant amount. i ended up asking for a separate bill for her snacks and this week her snacks and her snacks alone cost what our weekly groceries were and that was just ridiculous.
so i told her that, but, like, in a much nicer way. i told her something along the lines of "babe i have no problem with paying for the things we need but if you want these expensive snacks then you're going to pay for them yourself."
she ended up bursting into tears telling me "couldn't you just pay for them, it isn't a big deal!"
she ended up locking herself in the bathroom and ranting to her friends who ended up messaging me telling me what a piece of shit i was.
tl;dr: gf wanted extremely expensive snack with our groceries, all which i pay for and i told her that if she wanted them she was going to pay for them herself.
so reddit, aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gbanwo/aita_for_telling_gf_that_if_she_wanted_expensive/
|
2020-05-01 03:27:15
|
nta.
it's nice that you initially didn't mind covering this cost. but it sounds like your girlfriend started to take advantage.
i understand she's unemployed, but assuming she's an able bodied adult in the us, she can:
-apply for food stamps
-research food banks in her area
-walk/bike/bus/drive to the store herself
-select and purchase her own groceries, including snacks.
worth noting: you politely set a boundary and she attacked you by minimizing your feelings, dismissing your finances as "not a big deal" and sent her flying monkeys friend group after you.
that all sounds very insensitive and manipulative to me.
|
nta tell her if she wants snacks that’s all she’ll have to eat, and don’t buy groceries. it’s a tough time and if money runs out for buying snacks neither of you will be happy. i’d also like to point out and tell her friends if they are that concerned she has her snacks they should buy them for her. the relationship is between you and her not her friends. man up and stand your ground. if all fails kick her out and look for a new gf bro, trust me.
|
nta its an unfortunate reality but sometimes these luxuries just aren't in the budget. i think you were fair, her reaction was out of proportion (probably because she's embarrassed about not working) and her sicing her friends on you was way out of line.
maybe present her with a snack budget and let her work within that. then she has some control over what she does and does not get. if she wants to forgo a few cheaper munchies for a fancy thing, i think that's reasonable. not demanding the whole kit and kaboodle.
|
nta. you’re supporting so many people and you sound like such a nice person. snacks aren’t essential, it’s not like you refused her tampons. my snack of choice is popcorn and my boyfriends is beef jerky. beef jerky is 5x the cost of popcorn and if it came to one income, we’d throw them both out.
has she applied for unemployment? she could try freelance websites for english tutoring or content writing. i’m sure she feels inadequate for not contributing but any little bit helps.
|
nta and your gf sounds unstable and/or immature. she could possibly be dealing with the stress of this confinement and her unemployment but i think you should be aware that this is a major red flag. she locked herself in a bathroom over snacks. that's a real issue as mentally and emotionally healthy people would not respond in that manner. proceed with extreme caution.
|
omg. locking herself in the bathroom over snacks? how mature of her, suppose you're going to have kids next? nta.
|
will let others fill in the details, but nta.
|
nta
i mean i started reading thinking that you'd be a t a here, because we are talking just about the snacks.
but it's not even just the price. having to wonder the store for longer, given the present situation, is not ok in itself. and if you really talked to her nicely (as it seems you did), her reaction is way off. it's completely reasonable for you to ask her to pay for her super expensive snacks or to cut back to something in a regular isle.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: honestly, i (28m) never thought i'd have to come here for advice since it didn't seem like such a big deal to me but gf's (26f) friends have been blowing up my phone. i want to start by saying that i have no problem supporting both of us financially. however, i also support my family as well since my parents are elderly and have health problems and my siblings are busy with school. two months before quarantine my gf left her job due to circumstances and we decided it was time to move in together since we've already been together for 3 years at this point. we decided that instead of going through the hassle of ending my lease and finding a new place, she'd just move in with since i lived alone and already paid the annual rent while she lived with her parents. the entire time gf was unable to find a new job, and would ask me for advice on the situation daily and would go on several interviews every week. we've been under quarantine for a month and a half now and i understand that it's a stressful time for everyone and we all cope in our ways which is why i've started buying hair and skincare packages while gf started snacking a lot more. now both gf and i enjoy snacking on things quite frequently. gf, usually paid for the snacks with her own money while i paid for the weekly groceries along with my snacks but because of her employment situation, i've been paying for her snacks for a month now which isn't a problem. i'm the one that goes shopping while gf usually gives me a list of things she wants. however ever since i started paying for her, over time her snack requests have started being extremely specific and diverging from what she would usually get herself. like to the point that i had to ask for assistance to find them as they would be located in the "foreign goods" or "vegan" or "gluten-free" section unlike the usual "chips and cookies" or "sweets and chocolates" aisle. the snacks she's been requesting are not only hard to find but are more expensive and because she wants several things, increase our usual bill by a significant amount. i ended up asking for a separate bill for her snacks and this week her snacks and her snacks alone cost what our weekly groceries were and that was just ridiculous. so i told her that, but, like, in a much nicer way. i told her something along the lines of "babe i have no problem with paying for the things we need but if you want these expensive snacks then you're going to pay for them yourself." she ended up bursting into tears telling me "couldn't you just pay for them, it isn't a big deal!" she ended up locking herself in the bathroom and ranting to her friends who ended up messaging me telling me what a piece of shit i was. tl;dr: gf wanted extremely expensive snack with our groceries, all which i pay for and i told her that if she wanted them she was going to pay for them herself. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
honestly, i (28m) never thought i'd have to come here for advice since it didn't seem like such a big deal to me but gf's (26f) friends have been blowing up my phone. i want to start by saying that i have no problem supporting both of us financially. however, i also support my family as well since my parents are elderly and have health problems and my siblings are busy with school. two months before quarantine my gf left her job due to circumstances and we decided it was time to move in together since we've already been together for 3 years at this point. we decided that instead of going through the hassle of ending my lease and finding a new place, she'd just move in with since i lived alone and already paid the annual rent while she lived with her parents. the entire time gf was unable to find a new job, and would ask me for advice on the situation daily and would go on several interviews every week. we've been under quarantine for a month and a half now and i understand that it's a stressful time for everyone and we all cope in our ways which is why i've started buying hair and skincare packages while gf started snacking a lot more. now both gf and i enjoy snacking on things quite frequently. gf, usually paid for the snacks with her own money while i paid for the weekly groceries along with my snacks but because of her employment situation, i've been paying for her snacks for a month now which isn't a problem. i'm the one that goes shopping while gf usually gives me a list of things she wants. however ever since i started paying for her, over time her snack requests have started being extremely specific and diverging from what she would usually get herself. like to the point that i had to ask for assistance to find them as they would be located in the "foreign goods" or "vegan" or "gluten-free" section unlike the usual "chips and cookies" or "sweets and chocolates" aisle. the snacks she's been requesting are not only hard to find but are more expensive and because she wants several things, increase our usual bill by a significant amount. i ended up asking for a separate bill for her snacks and this week her snacks and her snacks alone cost what our weekly groceries were and that was just ridiculous. so i told her that, but, like, in a much nicer way. i told her something along the lines of "babe i have no problem with paying for the things we need but if you want these expensive snacks then you're going to pay for them yourself." she ended up bursting into tears telling me "couldn't you just pay for them, it isn't a big deal!" she ended up locking herself in the bathroom and ranting to her friends who ended up messaging me telling me what a piece of shit i was. tl;dr: gf wanted extremely expensive snack with our groceries, all which i pay for and i told her that if she wanted them she was going to pay for them herself. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. it's nice that you initially didn't mind covering this cost. but it sounds like your girlfriend started to take advantage. i understand she's unemployed, but assuming she's an able bodied adult in the us, she can: -apply for food stamps -research food banks in her area -walk/bike/bus/drive to the store herself -select and purchase her own groceries, including snacks. worth noting: you politely set a boundary and she attacked you by minimizing your feelings, dismissing your finances as "not a big deal" and sent her flying monkeys friend group after you. that all sounds very insensitive and manipulative to me. </s>
|
AITA for pointing out that a child's a liar?
|
i think i may have stepped over the line with my wife and her adopted kid because i called out the child's lies.
before we met, my wife "adopted" a child - i say "adopted" because the kid's her sister's, but the dad died before she was born so my wife volunteered to help financially. everyone in their helps in raising the child, but my wife's sort of has the final say when it comes to most decisions.
anyway, the kid's 13 now. she's generally nice, but i noticed that she's a habitual liar. it's disturbing because she lies about stuff that won't even get her in trouble. it's like she just...well, likes it.
for example, she would constantly lie that she sends messages on viber (she lives with her bio mom). then my wife would be pissed at our isp because she assumes that she doesn't receive the messages. there's no need for the lie. there was never a requirement for her to send messages.
other lies would follow, some big, some small, but my wife would always believe whatever bs the kid says because like i said, she’s actually a good child overall.
today, the kid did the viber bs again and i figured it’s time to point it out. i said it gently, saying that the kid isn’t bad. maybe she just feels guilty for not updating often, so she made up lies. i tried to back it up with other “facts,” meaning the other lies.
my wife didn’t get mad outright, but turned cold. she “dismissed” the conversation, and now we’re no longer talking.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mgy6m4/aita_for_pointing_out_that_a_childs_a_liar/
|
2021-03-31 04:33:31
|
nta and maybe nah- maybe she just needs some space to process what might be a huge blow to her image of this girl. or her abilities as a parent? you're definitely in the clear here but i think giving her some space might let her wrap her head around this.
|
nta
i have a niece and nephew that is 4, when they lie i call them out on their shit.
you better believe at 15 i'd be calling them out. they aren't a child, they are a teenager and three years away from being a legal adult.
|
nta
if my partners kids are caught in a lie, i call them out on it, regardless of how big or small the lie is, and he deals with it without getting annoyed 🤷♀️
i don't see why she'd be annoyed- the child is clearly lying without reason, and that's not a good thing
she should be called out on it so she learns the behaviour is not ok
|
nah. you pointed out what seems like a valid concern, and she was reasonably upset because no one wants to hear that.
n-ta if she's been giving you the silent treatment for long, though. getting mad and taking space is one thing, going full ghost on your spouse is another entirely.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0.003383 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i think i may have stepped over the line with my wife and her adopted kid because i called out the child's lies. before we met, my wife "adopted" a child - i say "adopted" because the kid's her sister's, but the dad died before she was born so my wife volunteered to help financially. everyone in their helps in raising the child, but my wife's sort of has the final say when it comes to most decisions. anyway, the kid's 13 now. she's generally nice, but i noticed that she's a habitual liar. it's disturbing because she lies about stuff that won't even get her in trouble. it's like she just...well, likes it. for example, she would constantly lie that she sends messages on viber (she lives with her bio mom). then my wife would be pissed at our isp because she assumes that she doesn't receive the messages. there's no need for the lie. there was never a requirement for her to send messages. other lies would follow, some big, some small, but my wife would always believe whatever bs the kid says because like i said, she’s actually a good child overall. today, the kid did the viber bs again and i figured it’s time to point it out. i said it gently, saying that the kid isn’t bad. maybe she just feels guilty for not updating often, so she made up lies. i tried to back it up with other “facts,” meaning the other lies. my wife didn’t get mad outright, but turned cold. she “dismissed” the conversation, and now we’re no longer talking.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i think i may have stepped over the line with my wife and her adopted kid because i called out the child's lies. before we met, my wife "adopted" a child - i say "adopted" because the kid's her sister's, but the dad died before she was born so my wife volunteered to help financially. everyone in their helps in raising the child, but my wife's sort of has the final say when it comes to most decisions. anyway, the kid's 13 now. she's generally nice, but i noticed that she's a habitual liar. it's disturbing because she lies about stuff that won't even get her in trouble. it's like she just...well, likes it. for example, she would constantly lie that she sends messages on viber (she lives with her bio mom). then my wife would be pissed at our isp because she assumes that she doesn't receive the messages. there's no need for the lie. there was never a requirement for her to send messages. other lies would follow, some big, some small, but my wife would always believe whatever bs the kid says because like i said, she’s actually a good child overall. today, the kid did the viber bs again and i figured it’s time to point it out. i said it gently, saying that the kid isn’t bad. maybe she just feels guilty for not updating often, so she made up lies. i tried to back it up with other “facts,” meaning the other lies. my wife didn’t get mad outright, but turned cold. she “dismissed” the conversation, and now we’re no longer talking. [/INST] nta and maybe nah- maybe she just needs some space to process what might be a huge blow to her image of this girl. or her abilities as a parent? you're definitely in the clear here but i think giving her some space might let her wrap her head around this. </s>
|
AITA for not keeping my dog outside when someone is afraid of him?
|
hi, i don’t usually post on reddit but this is pissing me off. i (20f) have a 5 month old puppy who’s about 9 pounds so he’s pretty small. i went to visit some family for the long weekend and brought my puppy with me since my mom and i obviously couldn’t leave him at home alone. one of my family members has a roommate(30 f) who is afraid of dogs. i understand being afraid of bigs dogs, especially if they’re not well trained, and honestly any dog could be dangerous so no one should trust random dogs. however, our puppy is well trained (for his age), doesn’t bite or attack people and is literally a ball of love.
anyways, the roommate asked me to keep my dog outside in the backyard, when it’s 90 degrees today and progressively getting hotter. he also isn’t feeling well, and i want to keep an eye on him so i said no and i told her that he wouldn’t bother her. she came into the living room and saw him (i was playing tug of war with him on the floor) and screamed which caused him to run towards her (with the toy in his mouth thinking she wanted to play lol) and she proceeded to scream and run away from him. he thought since she was running and making noise she was playing with him. she was saying how he attacked her and we need to keep him outside. i still won’t because it’s hot as hell and he’s a baby. i understand she’s scared but he didn’t bite her or even lick or touch her. he wouldn’t have came towards her if she didn’t scream and run, he was distracted since i was playing with him. tbh i didn’t stop him from running after her bc i thought it was funny that she is afraid of my tiny puppy. my mom says i was being rude by refusing to put him outside and that i should be more understanding of her fear, rather than laughing to my mom and saying her fear is ridiculous. keep in mind she couldn’t hear me saying she’s ridiculous i said it privately. aita??
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oefjzu/aita_for_not_keeping_my_dog_outside_when_someone/
|
2021-07-05 20:24:24
|
yta for this comment : "tbh i didn’t stop him from running after her bc i thought it was funny that she is afraid of my tiny puppy
|
you think it's funny that you're terrorizing someone in their own home and wonder if you're being an asshole?
okay.
yta
|
yta for bringing a puppy somewhere longer than 5 minutes, yta for not bringing the dog outside when the host asked, yta for letting your puppy chase her, and yta for laughing at her distress. so...huge yta.
|
yta, you're a guest, its their house and their rules, you have no right to force upon them things that are uncomfortable and against their expressed wishes. (it doesn't matter if one said yes, the other said no and usually it's respectful to follow everyone who lives where you're visiting.)
plus you literally insulted their phobias; even if they didnt hear it, how is that not an ah move?
if you really were concerned about your puppy that you shouldn't have brought, you could have left the dog at a kennel/doggy day care where they would be well treated and cared for. (it sounds like that was not even considered.)
|
yta. you are a guest in someone else's home so you should respect their wishes and boundaries or leave their home. you don't get to decide that someone shouldn't be afraid fo your dog because he is small. you also, should have immediately stopped your dog from running after the woman who you knew was afraid of dogs. the fact that your dog was running after someone just because they screamed shows that he is not well trained even for his age. you are rude, disrespectful and a bad pet owner.
|
yta. a super huge one. this is not your house. how dare you take your dog into the home of someone who asked you not to, and then proceed to let the dog chase them and call it funny.
how entitled are you? your dog has zero business being in this person's home.
|
as a person with an irrational fear or animals and who is allergic to most pet hairs, you are tots yta. does not matter the size of the dog, if someone says they have a fear of dogs respect it. you don’t know their trauma. you might think that lil dog is harmless, but for that person a lil dog might have attacked them and for you to sit there and laugh, how disrespectful.
not only that but they might have allowed you to bring the dog around and asked you to have it outside and you ignore that order. makes yta. again, i have an allergy to most pet hairs and you having it in my house would drive me insane. i wouldn’t have minded you bringing the dog over, but respect ppls wishes.
lastly, you hear this person screaming because they’re scared of the dog, you don’t stop it and watch it happen? how would you feel if whatever your fear is goes after you and no one is stopping it from happening?
you are a mega asshole and i hope you understand why and not think we’re overreacting on this rating
|
>tbh i didn’t stop him from running after her bc i thought it was funny that she is afraid of my tiny puppy. my mom says i was being rude by refusing to put him outside and that i should be more understanding of her fear, rather than laughing to my mom and saying her fear is ridiculous.
yta. i can’t believe you typed this and still don’t think that. you’re also an incredibly irresponsible dog owner. you don’t taunt people with your dog.
|
yta. it’s their house! their house, their rules.
|
yta. it's the roommate's house, she has every right to not want a dog in her own home. quite frankly why neither you nor your mom thought to *ask* the roommate ahead of time if she would be bothered by the dog is beyond me. if either or both of you knew about her dog phobia, then bringing the puppy without asking was extremely inconsiderate.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi, i don’t usually post on reddit but this is pissing me off. i (20f) have a 5 month old puppy who’s about 9 pounds so he’s pretty small. i went to visit some family for the long weekend and brought my puppy with me since my mom and i obviously couldn’t leave him at home alone. one of my family members has a roommate(30 f) who is afraid of dogs. i understand being afraid of bigs dogs, especially if they’re not well trained, and honestly any dog could be dangerous so no one should trust random dogs. however, our puppy is well trained (for his age), doesn’t bite or attack people and is literally a ball of love. anyways, the roommate asked me to keep my dog outside in the backyard, when it’s 90 degrees today and progressively getting hotter. he also isn’t feeling well, and i want to keep an eye on him so i said no and i told her that he wouldn’t bother her. she came into the living room and saw him (i was playing tug of war with him on the floor) and screamed which caused him to run towards her (with the toy in his mouth thinking she wanted to play lol) and she proceeded to scream and run away from him. he thought since she was running and making noise she was playing with him. she was saying how he attacked her and we need to keep him outside. i still won’t because it’s hot as hell and he’s a baby. i understand she’s scared but he didn’t bite her or even lick or touch her. he wouldn’t have came towards her if she didn’t scream and run, he was distracted since i was playing with him. tbh i didn’t stop him from running after her bc i thought it was funny that she is afraid of my tiny puppy. my mom says i was being rude by refusing to put him outside and that i should be more understanding of her fear, rather than laughing to my mom and saying her fear is ridiculous. keep in mind she couldn’t hear me saying she’s ridiculous i said it privately. aita??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi, i don’t usually post on reddit but this is pissing me off. i (20f) have a 5 month old puppy who’s about 9 pounds so he’s pretty small. i went to visit some family for the long weekend and brought my puppy with me since my mom and i obviously couldn’t leave him at home alone. one of my family members has a roommate(30 f) who is afraid of dogs. i understand being afraid of bigs dogs, especially if they’re not well trained, and honestly any dog could be dangerous so no one should trust random dogs. however, our puppy is well trained (for his age), doesn’t bite or attack people and is literally a ball of love. anyways, the roommate asked me to keep my dog outside in the backyard, when it’s 90 degrees today and progressively getting hotter. he also isn’t feeling well, and i want to keep an eye on him so i said no and i told her that he wouldn’t bother her. she came into the living room and saw him (i was playing tug of war with him on the floor) and screamed which caused him to run towards her (with the toy in his mouth thinking she wanted to play lol) and she proceeded to scream and run away from him. he thought since she was running and making noise she was playing with him. she was saying how he attacked her and we need to keep him outside. i still won’t because it’s hot as hell and he’s a baby. i understand she’s scared but he didn’t bite her or even lick or touch her. he wouldn’t have came towards her if she didn’t scream and run, he was distracted since i was playing with him. tbh i didn’t stop him from running after her bc i thought it was funny that she is afraid of my tiny puppy. my mom says i was being rude by refusing to put him outside and that i should be more understanding of her fear, rather than laughing to my mom and saying her fear is ridiculous. keep in mind she couldn’t hear me saying she’s ridiculous i said it privately. aita?? [/INST] yta for this comment : "tbh i didn’t stop him from running after her bc i thought it was funny that she is afraid of my tiny puppy </s>
|
AITA for giving out clothes that don't fit, and exclude, one of my friends?
|
short read:
i invited 6 of my friends for a party and mid-party we decided to spontaneously have a water fight in my backyard. obviously, after the water fight, we were all soaked and i told my friends they could just change into all of my clothes for the night.
unfortunately, one of my friends couldn't fit into any of my clothes and she became very upset that i suggested a solution that excluded her. she said that she obviously wouldn't fit in my clothes so it was insulting/insensitive for me to tell her to do that.
since the water fight was spontaneous i didn't consider this scenario to ever happen or how to deal with a situation like this. i suggested she could just borrow a shirt from my brother but she said it was embarrassing and that i was super inconsiderate to make this scenario even happen.
i can understand how it could have made her upset, but i don't think she should have expected me to have plus-size attire for her to wear on standby at my house. she's not speaking to me and actually walked home wet because she didn't want to stay anymore... she told me to think about how my actions make other people feel and idk if i need to apologize to her.
i'm 50/50: i didn't intentionally do that and she shouldn't expect so much from me, but also i did suggest something that excluded her and put focus on something she may have been insecure about (weight/body)...
aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yaiomn/aita_for_giving_out_clothes_that_dont_fit_and/
|
2022-10-22 09:03:43
|
nta. people got wet. you offered to lend your clothes to them. that’s thoughtful of you.
|
nta.
it's a shame that it ended like this because it doesn't sound like anyone was to meaning to be ah here. your friend should not be trying to make you feel bad though, i don't think that's fair.*
people can't help when they get embarrassed and sometimes when people get embarrassed they act in ways which are not logical. i feel sorry for your friend but i also don't think there was much more you could have done. i hope that these conversations happened in private, rather than in the main group because suggesting wearing you brothers clothes etc. could have just been more embarrassing for her.
*
|
nta. as the plus size friend, i wasn’t / wouldn’t be upset. i’d laugh it off and ask for a couple towels. maybe take a shower so i could have time to throw my wet clothes in the dryer. no one’s really an the asshole as it’s hard to control your reactions especially if size is a personal insecurity (i’ve been there) and on your side, it’s normal to become more defensive when you’re being made to be the asshole and have unreasonable expectations placed in you. with that being said, maybe just send a genuine text letting her know that it wasn’t your intention to embarrass her or hurt her feelings. it’s up to you whether it should be an apology but personally i always take the apology route when i’ve unintentionally made someone feel bad. it makes the other person feel more comfortable in an uncomfy situation like this and lets them know that their feelings are understood. if you choose not to, that’s alright but there’s just no need for any conflict or a weakened friendship over it
|
you're nta. does she really think everyone else should sit around in wet clothes just because she doesn't want to put on your brother's shirt?
|
nta. you offered a solution after a spontaneous water fight.
|
nah and i've been her. went to music festival with skinny/average friends and got caught in torrential downpour. i sat in a towel while everyone else borrowed the hosts clothes.
it would have been nicer to me if everyone sat around in towels while their shirts were in the dryer, but the world doesn't revolve around me. it was harder to see that it didn't when i was 17
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null | null | null | null | 0.001294 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: short read: i invited 6 of my friends for a party and mid-party we decided to spontaneously have a water fight in my backyard. obviously, after the water fight, we were all soaked and i told my friends they could just change into all of my clothes for the night. unfortunately, one of my friends couldn't fit into any of my clothes and she became very upset that i suggested a solution that excluded her. she said that she obviously wouldn't fit in my clothes so it was insulting/insensitive for me to tell her to do that. since the water fight was spontaneous i didn't consider this scenario to ever happen or how to deal with a situation like this. i suggested she could just borrow a shirt from my brother but she said it was embarrassing and that i was super inconsiderate to make this scenario even happen. i can understand how it could have made her upset, but i don't think she should have expected me to have plus-size attire for her to wear on standby at my house. she's not speaking to me and actually walked home wet because she didn't want to stay anymore... she told me to think about how my actions make other people feel and idk if i need to apologize to her. i'm 50/50: i didn't intentionally do that and she shouldn't expect so much from me, but also i did suggest something that excluded her and put focus on something she may have been insecure about (weight/body)... aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
short read: i invited 6 of my friends for a party and mid-party we decided to spontaneously have a water fight in my backyard. obviously, after the water fight, we were all soaked and i told my friends they could just change into all of my clothes for the night. unfortunately, one of my friends couldn't fit into any of my clothes and she became very upset that i suggested a solution that excluded her. she said that she obviously wouldn't fit in my clothes so it was insulting/insensitive for me to tell her to do that. since the water fight was spontaneous i didn't consider this scenario to ever happen or how to deal with a situation like this. i suggested she could just borrow a shirt from my brother but she said it was embarrassing and that i was super inconsiderate to make this scenario even happen. i can understand how it could have made her upset, but i don't think she should have expected me to have plus-size attire for her to wear on standby at my house. she's not speaking to me and actually walked home wet because she didn't want to stay anymore... she told me to think about how my actions make other people feel and idk if i need to apologize to her. i'm 50/50: i didn't intentionally do that and she shouldn't expect so much from me, but also i did suggest something that excluded her and put focus on something she may have been insecure about (weight/body)... aita? [/INST] nta. people got wet. you offered to lend your clothes to them. that’s thoughtful of you. </s>
|
AITA for being angry with my girlfriend for getting high before meeting my parents.
|
we've been dating since july and, because everyone just had crazy summer schedules, my folks weren't able to come meet her until this past weekend. my girlfriend likes to smoke weed. i don't have an issue with it, she's 23, she can do as she pleases, she's yet to offer it to me, we'll see what happens. knowing that she usually likes to get high on saturdays, i asked her to please, please, please, not get high on this particular saturday, because she was meeting my parents that night. she said she wouldn't.
&#x200b;
well, come to find out, in the uber over the restaurant, she'd, as she put it, " done a little something something". i was pretty irritated, she was giggling, found it hilarious, meanwhile i was just praying to god that my parents would sense anything. we got through dinner well enough, my folks went back to their hotel, and i was still kind of annoyed and just laid it out as, she knew this night was a big deal, that i wanted it go well, and that all i wanted was for her to give up 1 saturday and just keep it together, but, she couldn't do that. she feels as though it was me demanding and forcing something on her, and tried to make it out like i wanted to control her. she feels i should've trusted her to make correct judgments
&#x200b;
aita
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qb5bh9/aita_for_being_angry_with_my_girlfriend_for/
|
2021-10-19 06:05:54
|
nta, especially because she agreed not to do it, and then did it anyway. you need to reevaluate the relationship.
|
nta
but you might be quite incompatible. you had every right to *ask* her to not smoke weed. is it illegal where you live? and she promised not to smoke it. she did.
that's not one concerning event at a time.
now she is guilttripping you, what's even worse and shows her true character. you asked her, she said yes, she broke her promise and that's the main reason you are annoyed. now she writes her own narrative in which you are the bad and evil oppressor. that's plain wrong. wrong from the facts, wrong from the point you made and ethically wrong as well.
you really wanna be with someone like that?
|
nta. if she didn’t like what you asked of her, she should have said that when you asked. not just gone and done something irreversible that according to you could have jeopardized the meeting (i’m assuming your parents wouldn’t approve). is it possible she was nervous to meet them and smoked to calm down?
|
nta
meeting parents is a big thing in a relationship and if she can’t give up 1 saturday then she is very addicted
|
nta. this whole event feels like a 🚩. if someone wants or enjoys weed, great. however when they need it or cannot get through an event without it, that’s a concern. another concern is the fact that you discussed it ahead of time, she agreed and did whatever she wanted anyway. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
|
nta, this is grounds for dumping immediately. she showed up intoxicated to her first time meeting your parents. heck, you shouldn’t do that at all with your bf/gf’s family. it’s so out of line. i would highly reconsider this relationship due to her low class behaviour.
|
nta, her behaviour shows a lack of maturity and a complete disregard for your feelings over what should have been an important occasion.
a problem with dating drug users - even of legal drugs - is often that their relationship with the drug is a more committed and longer-lasting relationship
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we've been dating since july and, because everyone just had crazy summer schedules, my folks weren't able to come meet her until this past weekend. my girlfriend likes to smoke weed. i don't have an issue with it, she's 23, she can do as she pleases, she's yet to offer it to me, we'll see what happens. knowing that she usually likes to get high on saturdays, i asked her to please, please, please, not get high on this particular saturday, because she was meeting my parents that night. she said she wouldn't. &#x200b; well, come to find out, in the uber over the restaurant, she'd, as she put it, " done a little something something". i was pretty irritated, she was giggling, found it hilarious, meanwhile i was just praying to god that my parents would sense anything. we got through dinner well enough, my folks went back to their hotel, and i was still kind of annoyed and just laid it out as, she knew this night was a big deal, that i wanted it go well, and that all i wanted was for her to give up 1 saturday and just keep it together, but, she couldn't do that. she feels as though it was me demanding and forcing something on her, and tried to make it out like i wanted to control her. she feels i should've trusted her to make correct judgments &#x200b; aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we've been dating since july and, because everyone just had crazy summer schedules, my folks weren't able to come meet her until this past weekend. my girlfriend likes to smoke weed. i don't have an issue with it, she's 23, she can do as she pleases, she's yet to offer it to me, we'll see what happens. knowing that she usually likes to get high on saturdays, i asked her to please, please, please, not get high on this particular saturday, because she was meeting my parents that night. she said she wouldn't. &#x200b; well, come to find out, in the uber over the restaurant, she'd, as she put it, " done a little something something". i was pretty irritated, she was giggling, found it hilarious, meanwhile i was just praying to god that my parents would sense anything. we got through dinner well enough, my folks went back to their hotel, and i was still kind of annoyed and just laid it out as, she knew this night was a big deal, that i wanted it go well, and that all i wanted was for her to give up 1 saturday and just keep it together, but, she couldn't do that. she feels as though it was me demanding and forcing something on her, and tried to make it out like i wanted to control her. she feels i should've trusted her to make correct judgments &#x200b; aita [/INST] nta, especially because she agreed not to do it, and then did it anyway. you need to reevaluate the relationship. </s>
|
AITA for not liking a majority of my xmas presents?
|
i (22f) just had my first xmas w my bf (25m) and his family. in september his mother had us make a list of things we wanted for xmas so i put together a small list of some books that i wanted. she told me it wasn’t enough and she didn’t want to get me just books so i added cheap(ish) makeup and skin care stuff. altogether, my entire list was like $600-$700 worth of stuff. i was not expecting to get all of the stuff on my list.
xmas rolls around and i opened all the gifts from my bf and he got me 20 items and only 3-4 of them were from my list. the rest were things that i just don’t have any use for and didn’t ask for bc i don’t need or want them. like multiple pairs of the same brand of shoes and vibrators, which i already have plenty of. i’m like okay whatever, it’s our first xmas it’s not a big deal. well today we went to his parents xmas and he has been hyping it up and telling me that a majority of my list was bought and i got a lot of the stuff from my list. so obviously i was excited, but as i opened all my gifts, out of the 7 ppl that shopped for me, only three items of the probably 30 gifts i opened were things i asked for.
i probably wouldn’t be as upset but half of the items were clothes that his mom asked my bf if i’d wear and he said no but she still bought them anyways? and we’re redecorating our house so i just bought all new bedding and curtains and guess what she got me! new bedding that she asked if i had liked two months ago and i said no bc it wasn’t my style. it’s a grey and mint green chevron blanket that were super popular in like 2012. everything in my house is neutral and earthy tones and she knows this so i’m just confused?
well my bf asked me (in private) if i liked my gifts from his parents and i said that i liked the ones i asked for, and he got upset with me and said i should be grateful i got things at all. but the things i didn’t ask for were not cheap. altogether his mom alone spent at least $300-$400 on just me. i just feel like if you are going to go through all that effort why not just get the things on the list you asked me to make.
i never really celebrated xmas before my bf, so idk if this is a normal thing? i feel bad bc i’m not gonna use 90% of the things i received but like why would you get things that you were told i didn’t want/ like? so aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zw3ejp/aita_for_not_liking_a_majority_of_my_xmas_presents/
|
2022-12-27 01:52:44
|
nta for not liking the gifts. but the truth is: this is how christmas with the bf/gf/partner’s family goes sometimes. and the polite thing to do is just say thank you and of course you like it, and move on. when they don’t see you wearing those clothes or using the bedding or whatever eventually they figure it out.
return stuff that “doesn’t fit” or donate it. maybe regift it.
this mom might be playing games in order to drive wedge. or she might be like my mom who had a really shitty memory and would get caught up in what she thought people would like vs what their actual style is. either way- don’t take the bait.
|
probably an unpopular opinion, but i vote nta for three reasons:
1. you didn’t ask them to get you a ridiculous number of gifts (~50 is wild!!).
2. you say that you expressed gratitude even though several items were things you explicitly had told them you did not like and would not want.
3. some folks seem to have a particular vendetta against buying books, when that’s all you ask for.
i think it’s very kind of them to shower you with gifts, and sometimes gifts don’t land. it’s good to be grateful for the thought—but it’s puzzling when people ask for a list and then disregard it, and getting you items you explicitly said you did not like or want is baffling and stings.
i understand where your boyfriend is coming from, but i don’t think it’s reasonable to expect you to be ecstatic over items you don’t like. possibly you should let him know that you do appreciate the love and inclusion behind the gifts, but were surprised by the situation.
|
since you didn’t outright complain and only said you’re disappointed because he asked, nta
|
i mean it's super generous that your bfs family bought you so much stuff in general and you should at least act grateful toward them, but if he asked and you answered honestly he can't really be mad. it doesn't sound like you actively complained about them, just that you didn't really have a use for most of it. as long as you put on the act for his family, nah.
|
so since you said you never really did christmas before your boyfriend... i will take you at your word and say nta. but- welcome to christmas gifting!
people always give crap you don't like or want. for many of us, that is part of the ritual. that is why the days after christmas are retail hell for return departments and customer service. asking for a list and then ignoring it is a classic. people are weird. they have a variety of motives. some think you must really like x, even if you said you didn't. some don't want to follow a list because there is no surprise or spontaneity some don't care either way but just buy you things they want. some are re-gifting crap they got at office parties or from auntie ethel last year, and hate.
don't be disappointed by what you get. use what you can, return, re-gift, return or donate what you don't want.
|
nta why ask you if you like something if they are going to ignore your answer?
|
nta you didn’t make a scene in front of everyone and he asked so you answered. and why would his mom buy you stuff you specifically said you didn’t want?
|
wait, your boyfriend's family got you vibrators (plural) for christmas? am i missing something here?
also nta
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (22f) just had my first xmas w my bf (25m) and his family. in september his mother had us make a list of things we wanted for xmas so i put together a small list of some books that i wanted. she told me it wasn’t enough and she didn’t want to get me just books so i added cheap(ish) makeup and skin care stuff. altogether, my entire list was like $600-$700 worth of stuff. i was not expecting to get all of the stuff on my list. xmas rolls around and i opened all the gifts from my bf and he got me 20 items and only 3-4 of them were from my list. the rest were things that i just don’t have any use for and didn’t ask for bc i don’t need or want them. like multiple pairs of the same brand of shoes and vibrators, which i already have plenty of. i’m like okay whatever, it’s our first xmas it’s not a big deal. well today we went to his parents xmas and he has been hyping it up and telling me that a majority of my list was bought and i got a lot of the stuff from my list. so obviously i was excited, but as i opened all my gifts, out of the 7 ppl that shopped for me, only three items of the probably 30 gifts i opened were things i asked for. i probably wouldn’t be as upset but half of the items were clothes that his mom asked my bf if i’d wear and he said no but she still bought them anyways? and we’re redecorating our house so i just bought all new bedding and curtains and guess what she got me! new bedding that she asked if i had liked two months ago and i said no bc it wasn’t my style. it’s a grey and mint green chevron blanket that were super popular in like 2012. everything in my house is neutral and earthy tones and she knows this so i’m just confused? well my bf asked me (in private) if i liked my gifts from his parents and i said that i liked the ones i asked for, and he got upset with me and said i should be grateful i got things at all. but the things i didn’t ask for were not cheap. altogether his mom alone spent at least $300-$400 on just me. i just feel like if you are going to go through all that effort why not just get the things on the list you asked me to make. i never really celebrated xmas before my bf, so idk if this is a normal thing? i feel bad bc i’m not gonna use 90% of the things i received but like why would you get things that you were told i didn’t want/ like? so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) just had my first xmas w my bf (25m) and his family. in september his mother had us make a list of things we wanted for xmas so i put together a small list of some books that i wanted. she told me it wasn’t enough and she didn’t want to get me just books so i added cheap(ish) makeup and skin care stuff. altogether, my entire list was like $600-$700 worth of stuff. i was not expecting to get all of the stuff on my list. xmas rolls around and i opened all the gifts from my bf and he got me 20 items and only 3-4 of them were from my list. the rest were things that i just don’t have any use for and didn’t ask for bc i don’t need or want them. like multiple pairs of the same brand of shoes and vibrators, which i already have plenty of. i’m like okay whatever, it’s our first xmas it’s not a big deal. well today we went to his parents xmas and he has been hyping it up and telling me that a majority of my list was bought and i got a lot of the stuff from my list. so obviously i was excited, but as i opened all my gifts, out of the 7 ppl that shopped for me, only three items of the probably 30 gifts i opened were things i asked for. i probably wouldn’t be as upset but half of the items were clothes that his mom asked my bf if i’d wear and he said no but she still bought them anyways? and we’re redecorating our house so i just bought all new bedding and curtains and guess what she got me! new bedding that she asked if i had liked two months ago and i said no bc it wasn’t my style. it’s a grey and mint green chevron blanket that were super popular in like 2012. everything in my house is neutral and earthy tones and she knows this so i’m just confused? well my bf asked me (in private) if i liked my gifts from his parents and i said that i liked the ones i asked for, and he got upset with me and said i should be grateful i got things at all. but the things i didn’t ask for were not cheap. altogether his mom alone spent at least $300-$400 on just me. i just feel like if you are going to go through all that effort why not just get the things on the list you asked me to make. i never really celebrated xmas before my bf, so idk if this is a normal thing? i feel bad bc i’m not gonna use 90% of the things i received but like why would you get things that you were told i didn’t want/ like? so aita? [/INST] nta for not liking the gifts. but the truth is: this is how christmas with the bf/gf/partner’s family goes sometimes. and the polite thing to do is just say thank you and of course you like it, and move on. when they don’t see you wearing those clothes or using the bedding or whatever eventually they figure it out. return stuff that “doesn’t fit” or donate it. maybe regift it. this mom might be playing games in order to drive wedge. or she might be like my mom who had a really shitty memory and would get caught up in what she thought people would like vs what their actual style is. either way- don’t take the bait. </s>
|
AITA for expecting my adult children to save money so they can move out?
|
my daughter got married right out of high school to a man working a temp job and living with his mom in another town 30 - 45 minutes away. after the marriage, she moved in with him at his mom's house. he had no money in savings and was in no way prepared for life much less a wife. i never made her work during high school as i wanted her to focus on her grades so she had nothing to offer either. he lost his temp job and my husband helped him get a job with his company. my daughter soon found a job here as well. having an extra room i offered to let them stay with us until they got on their feet and found a place. we were thinking maybe 3 months. they have been here 5 months now and only have $700 saved up. i am getting really frustrated as they love to spend spend spend.. they have been married a year now and still really aren't much better off than they were when they started. he does have a permanent job now that he loves but they need to save their money and get out! oh... and they live here rent free. i gave them that privilege thinking it would help them to save money faster.
aita for expecting my daughter and her husband to save money to get out of my house?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ca0we9/aita_for_expecting_my_adult_children_to_save/
|
2019-07-07 00:40:25
|
nta. start charging them rent. save it for them and give it back when they leave (if you are financially able to). they need to start prioritizing a roof over their heads above whatever the hell they are spending money on.
|
nta. tell them they have three months to get out.
|
nta - you are kind to let them live in your house after a job loss. however, it seems like they aren’t that money savvy and have no interest in moving out anytime soon. tell them they have a few months to get on their own feet so they realize they’ve been slacking
|
nta- i’d give them a deadline & some sort of financial literacy book (personally i like dave ramsey, but there are lots of others) or send them to /r/personalfinance
|
nta but have a real conversation about money and life. i have one kid who is a spender and we are more aggressive in helping her manage finances. maybe start charging them rent and just put it in a savings fund for them.
|
nta if they are not adult enough to not only not have money, but to not have money to move out on their own, then they’re not adult enough to be married.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter got married right out of high school to a man working a temp job and living with his mom in another town 30 - 45 minutes away. after the marriage, she moved in with him at his mom's house. he had no money in savings and was in no way prepared for life much less a wife. i never made her work during high school as i wanted her to focus on her grades so she had nothing to offer either. he lost his temp job and my husband helped him get a job with his company. my daughter soon found a job here as well. having an extra room i offered to let them stay with us until they got on their feet and found a place. we were thinking maybe 3 months. they have been here 5 months now and only have $700 saved up. i am getting really frustrated as they love to spend spend spend.. they have been married a year now and still really aren't much better off than they were when they started. he does have a permanent job now that he loves but they need to save their money and get out! oh... and they live here rent free. i gave them that privilege thinking it would help them to save money faster. aita for expecting my daughter and her husband to save money to get out of my house?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter got married right out of high school to a man working a temp job and living with his mom in another town 30 - 45 minutes away. after the marriage, she moved in with him at his mom's house. he had no money in savings and was in no way prepared for life much less a wife. i never made her work during high school as i wanted her to focus on her grades so she had nothing to offer either. he lost his temp job and my husband helped him get a job with his company. my daughter soon found a job here as well. having an extra room i offered to let them stay with us until they got on their feet and found a place. we were thinking maybe 3 months. they have been here 5 months now and only have $700 saved up. i am getting really frustrated as they love to spend spend spend.. they have been married a year now and still really aren't much better off than they were when they started. he does have a permanent job now that he loves but they need to save their money and get out! oh... and they live here rent free. i gave them that privilege thinking it would help them to save money faster. aita for expecting my daughter and her husband to save money to get out of my house? [/INST] nta. start charging them rent. save it for them and give it back when they leave (if you are financially able to). they need to start prioritizing a roof over their heads above whatever the hell they are spending money on. </s>
|
AITA for telling my stepsister to change her new dog's name because I chose that name for my daughter?
|
i know it sounds bad, but the name is a greek name because my husband's family is greek and my stepsister always criticized their names because in our language they don't sound that good, so it's rare that she chooses a name that according to her sounds bad.
also, i don't care if other people use the name, it's just that here in our country it's really unusual because like i said it's a greek name, i'm disappointed that she used it because she knew how special the name is to us and it's even more disappointing that she used it even when she doesn't like those kinds of names.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/muw3g4/aita_for_telling_my_stepsister_to_change_her_new/
|
2021-04-20 17:50:41
|
yta - when your daughter is 11, she is really not going to care that her aunt used to have a dog with the same name as her. get a hold of yourself.
|
yta - it is stupid. sooo very stupid. it's just a name, and it's really shitty of you to be like "i'll never talk to you again unless you change the dog's name". you're basically blackmailing her to do what you want.
i just find it very childish to go "i already picked this name pick another one this one is mineeee". the name doesn't belong to you and, seriously what's the problem with sharing the name like?
your daughter and your stepsister's dog have the same name.
cool.
|
yta
bruh its just a name, they can share a name it will be okay - they arent even going to go to the same school
|
yta. several times now in the local park i've encountered dogs with the same name as my children. it happens. it's not a big deal. i dated a guy before who had a cow with the same name as me (but named wellbefore we met). don't sweat the small stuff.
|
i mean by your logic, yta, she chose the name first
|
yta - you don’t own a name
|
yta
my son has the same name as my childhood dog.
did i name him after the dog? no, he’s named after my partner’s dad.
did everyone in my family ask if i’d named him after the dog? yes
does anyone mention it now my son is 5 and that’s just his name? no
names are just names, no one owns them.
|
i mean, it's a dog. no one is going to confuse a human baby and a dog. like, idk, man. this can't be real.
|
yta. get over yourself. do her a solid and really never speak to her again.
|
yta - you don't get to prevent others from using a name just cause you like it.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know it sounds bad, but the name is a greek name because my husband's family is greek and my stepsister always criticized their names because in our language they don't sound that good, so it's rare that she chooses a name that according to her sounds bad. also, i don't care if other people use the name, it's just that here in our country it's really unusual because like i said it's a greek name, i'm disappointed that she used it because she knew how special the name is to us and it's even more disappointing that she used it even when she doesn't like those kinds of names.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i know it sounds bad, but the name is a greek name because my husband's family is greek and my stepsister always criticized their names because in our language they don't sound that good, so it's rare that she chooses a name that according to her sounds bad. also, i don't care if other people use the name, it's just that here in our country it's really unusual because like i said it's a greek name, i'm disappointed that she used it because she knew how special the name is to us and it's even more disappointing that she used it even when she doesn't like those kinds of names. [/INST] yta - when your daughter is 11, she is really not going to care that her aunt used to have a dog with the same name as her. get a hold of yourself. </s>
|
AITA, as shouted at SIL for (imo) bad parenting
|
i (40m) and my wife (married 10 years) have a fairly close relationship with her side of the family. we often go round to her parents for sunday dinner with the rest of her family. this includes my sil and her 2 kids (2 & 4). she has been through a divorce in the last few years and is a single mother, but with immense amounts of help from her parents (my in-laws). she has never been (imo) a strong parent, and has always given in to the kids on anything they want, all they need to do is cry or shout and they get whatever it is. today, her 4 yo was routing through the cupboards while we were eating dinner and found a bunch of stickers, in an unopened packet. 4 took them out of the cupboard and proclaimed “i want these”. sil said “you have to ask (mil) as they belong to her”. mil said no, as they were being saved to play with during the week (as in laws have those kids 4 full days per week). 4 proceeded to shout and cry, so mil tried to take the stickers away. the packet ripped, as 4 tugged on them. i picked up 4 and gave her to her mother, then helped mil pick up the spilt stickers. in the mean time, 4 is now crying and shouting at her mother that she wants them. mil puts the stickers back in the cupboard, and sil reaches in, gets the packet and says 4 can pick “only 1”. mil walks away. i lost my rag a bit, and shouted at sil that 4 had been told no, and that just giving something to her because she is crying is just teaching her that crying will get you anything you want. all she said is “i’m not going to argue with you” and carried on eating her meal. i helped my 4 yo finish his dinner, and then went outside to play with him, still fuming. but now i feel guilty, not sure if it’s for shouting at a family dinner that isn’t my blood family… and i don’t know… aita?
very late
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p9gdq1/aita_as_shouted_at_sil_for_imo_bad_parenting/
|
2021-08-22 17:09:39
|
esh.
your sil sucks. while it’s understandable that you’re angry, you shouldn’t shout at her, especially in front of the kids. best practice would’ve been to take her aside and ask to speak to her in another room, or to talk with her afterward.
|
esh. you sil was rude to her mother and letting her kid misbehave. that's bad parenting. you inserted yourself into the situation and cmscreamed at her in front of her children and yours because you disagreed with her. that's bad parenting. you accomplished nothing, contributed nothing, and nothing about your behavior improved the situation in any way
|
yta. you’ve just confirmed to 4 that shouting is a good way to influence outcomes and that it’s perfectly acceptable to intervene angrily in situations that only vaguely implicate your casual comfort.
|
i’m gonna go with nta. i’ve been in your position and it sucks. you’re not telling her “how to parent,” you’re telling her to not raise her kid to be an entitled jerk.
|
nta why is it that everyone must deal with the bad kids because the parent isn't willing to set boundaries and have the word no mean anything other than keep crying till that no changes to a yes. i have seen firsthand what parenting like this leads to and my brother is a perfect example. won't take no for an answer will do whatever he wants anyways and won't get punished for it. he was raised the same way and now my parents are wondering where they went wrong and how he ended up so bad and so uncontrollable.
|
esh. she is certainly enabling bad behavior and shouldn’t be caving into a child. that being said, immediately shouting at her is just going to cause her to go on the defense, which is exactly what happened. try and keep your cool next time so y’all can have a constructive conversation.
| null | null | null | null |
ESH
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| null | null | null | null | 0.660597 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (40m) and my wife (married 10 years) have a fairly close relationship with her side of the family. we often go round to her parents for sunday dinner with the rest of her family. this includes my sil and her 2 kids (2 & 4). she has been through a divorce in the last few years and is a single mother, but with immense amounts of help from her parents (my in-laws). she has never been (imo) a strong parent, and has always given in to the kids on anything they want, all they need to do is cry or shout and they get whatever it is. today, her 4 yo was routing through the cupboards while we were eating dinner and found a bunch of stickers, in an unopened packet. 4 took them out of the cupboard and proclaimed “i want these”. sil said “you have to ask (mil) as they belong to her”. mil said no, as they were being saved to play with during the week (as in laws have those kids 4 full days per week). 4 proceeded to shout and cry, so mil tried to take the stickers away. the packet ripped, as 4 tugged on them. i picked up 4 and gave her to her mother, then helped mil pick up the spilt stickers. in the mean time, 4 is now crying and shouting at her mother that she wants them. mil puts the stickers back in the cupboard, and sil reaches in, gets the packet and says 4 can pick “only 1”. mil walks away. i lost my rag a bit, and shouted at sil that 4 had been told no, and that just giving something to her because she is crying is just teaching her that crying will get you anything you want. all she said is “i’m not going to argue with you” and carried on eating her meal. i helped my 4 yo finish his dinner, and then went outside to play with him, still fuming. but now i feel guilty, not sure if it’s for shouting at a family dinner that isn’t my blood family… and i don’t know… aita? very late
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (40m) and my wife (married 10 years) have a fairly close relationship with her side of the family. we often go round to her parents for sunday dinner with the rest of her family. this includes my sil and her 2 kids (2 & 4). she has been through a divorce in the last few years and is a single mother, but with immense amounts of help from her parents (my in-laws). she has never been (imo) a strong parent, and has always given in to the kids on anything they want, all they need to do is cry or shout and they get whatever it is. today, her 4 yo was routing through the cupboards while we were eating dinner and found a bunch of stickers, in an unopened packet. 4 took them out of the cupboard and proclaimed “i want these”. sil said “you have to ask (mil) as they belong to her”. mil said no, as they were being saved to play with during the week (as in laws have those kids 4 full days per week). 4 proceeded to shout and cry, so mil tried to take the stickers away. the packet ripped, as 4 tugged on them. i picked up 4 and gave her to her mother, then helped mil pick up the spilt stickers. in the mean time, 4 is now crying and shouting at her mother that she wants them. mil puts the stickers back in the cupboard, and sil reaches in, gets the packet and says 4 can pick “only 1”. mil walks away. i lost my rag a bit, and shouted at sil that 4 had been told no, and that just giving something to her because she is crying is just teaching her that crying will get you anything you want. all she said is “i’m not going to argue with you” and carried on eating her meal. i helped my 4 yo finish his dinner, and then went outside to play with him, still fuming. but now i feel guilty, not sure if it’s for shouting at a family dinner that isn’t my blood family… and i don’t know… aita? very late [/INST] esh. your sil sucks. while it’s understandable that you’re angry, you shouldn’t shout at her, especially in front of the kids. best practice would’ve been to take her aside and ask to speak to her in another room, or to talk with her afterward. </s>
|
AITA for telling my dad that I hate his parents?
|
my dad is close to his parents and he forces me to spent time with them. it is really fucking annoying. they are really conservative and religious, this i would have been able to tolerate but it their constant fucking racism that i can't stand anymore. i am half chinese and they just don't like me, they talk down to me. they ignore me and they much prefer my cousins. .they hate my mother, which i can't really blame them for as she just left my dad and i but they blame it on her ethnicity rather than her being a shitty human being. i just can not do this bullshit anymore.
my dad wants me to attend my grandmother's birthday. i told him that i didn't want to go but he said i had to. i begged for me to make a excuse but he refused and asked me why i was being so lazy. i ended up yelling that i hated his parents and i didn't want to spent time with them.
he grounded me and and he forced me to go. it was miserable as always but i feel like i shouldn't have done that. i shouldn't have said that i hated them. my dad is not really talking to me and is giving me the silent treatment and i just don't know how to manage it. i feel guilty for saying and doing dumb things.
edit : my dad kinda knows but i have tried to talk to him. he says they are old and set in their ways and that they mean nothing by it.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tqeyd7/aita_for_telling_my_dad_that_i_hate_his_parents/
|
2022-03-28 17:46:42
|
nta
if they’re racist, you shouldn’t have to spend time with them. if they’re racist towards you, then that amplifies that a million times over. if you’re comfortable telling him why—tell him. he might not know how bad it is. but it’s important to protect yourself. 100% nta.
|
nta. if i had a kid and *my* relatives were being bigoted towards them, i'd not only keep those relatives away from my kid, but i'd cut them out too. no parent should ever excuse or ignore the unfair mistreatment of their children.
|
nta. your dad should not be making excuses for their ignorant behavior. you're allowed to hate their attitudes and how they treat you.
i'd suggest writing your dad a letter outlining exactly how they treat you.
|
nta. your dad should be standing up for you and shutting down his parents when they say racist stuff, especially in front of you. try having a calm conversation with your dad about why you feel uncomfortable around them. i'm white and my childs father is japanese and cuban. i would not tolerate my parents or anyone else making racist comments about or in front of either of them.
|
nta &#10;
"old and set in their ways" and "don't really mean it" are mutually exclusive.
they're racists, and their racism is being thrown at you. your dad needs to pull his head out of his butt, because he's going to lose his future child if he doesn't take a stand with his parents and stop forcing you to see them.
|
nta, but you should explain why you hate your grandparents instead of just leaving it at that. also, why do you think you're mom's a shitty human being for leaving your father? granted, i don't know all the details, but from the little that you've said about your father, her departure may have been justified. i suspect that at some point in the future, you'll be leaving him, too.
|
nta op, but you need to tell your dad why you can't stand being around them. tell your dad that they constantly disrespect you, look down on you, and act racially hostile towards you whenever you see them, and that you're not going to go through that experience again. your dad clearly has to be told what the problem is because he's obviously too blind and deaf to see and hear how his parents are treating you op, and there's not going to be a likely chance of it changing until you sit him down and tell him.
|
nta
you didn't handle this well as you could have you really didn't but and it's a huge one you should not have to put up with the following
1. racism
2. other people's hatred.
3. badmouthing of your mother
4. your father not defending you. and worse being mad that you don't want to be abused.
here are some options you could use.
there is very little you can do but if you are ballsy enough next time granny or grandpa make a racist comment turn to your father and publicly and calmly quietly ask..."so you are ok with them racially abusing me like that are you?" or "are you really going to just let them speak to me like that?" or "grandma/pa you do realise i am half chinese don't you...is that what you think of me? yes..ok just so we are all clear you think i am a x y z and you hate me? i can't say it doesn't hurt but i don't suppose that matters to you. i told dad to come without me and you didn't want me here...maybe you can tell him right now so neither of us has to go through this anymore."
the silent treatment two can play at that game and lets not forget that you are the victim here. it is completely reasonable to hate people who subject you to racism.
you could get really quietly and meanly savage here but you need to think can you carry it off.
example - start to say something...stop when your father asks what you were going to say look sad and say "no nothing doesn't matter" when pushes quietly resist and then give in and in a calm quiet slightly upset confessional voice say i can't speak to you...you broke the trust between us..... why...you let grandma and grandpa racially abuse me...i can't trust you to protect me or be there for me anymore. i am sorry it has come to this, it breaks my heart but you are entitled to your view point i will just have to learn to live with the fact that you don't care about me enough to not let people abuse me because i am half chinese and to expose me to their hatred. it breaks my heart that you can not find it in you to be on my side but there it is....then quietly walk out....or have the conversation with another older relative where you know your father can over hear you.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my dad is close to his parents and he forces me to spent time with them. it is really fucking annoying. they are really conservative and religious, this i would have been able to tolerate but it their constant fucking racism that i can't stand anymore. i am half chinese and they just don't like me, they talk down to me. they ignore me and they much prefer my cousins. .they hate my mother, which i can't really blame them for as she just left my dad and i but they blame it on her ethnicity rather than her being a shitty human being. i just can not do this bullshit anymore. my dad wants me to attend my grandmother's birthday. i told him that i didn't want to go but he said i had to. i begged for me to make a excuse but he refused and asked me why i was being so lazy. i ended up yelling that i hated his parents and i didn't want to spent time with them. he grounded me and and he forced me to go. it was miserable as always but i feel like i shouldn't have done that. i shouldn't have said that i hated them. my dad is not really talking to me and is giving me the silent treatment and i just don't know how to manage it. i feel guilty for saying and doing dumb things. edit : my dad kinda knows but i have tried to talk to him. he says they are old and set in their ways and that they mean nothing by it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my dad is close to his parents and he forces me to spent time with them. it is really fucking annoying. they are really conservative and religious, this i would have been able to tolerate but it their constant fucking racism that i can't stand anymore. i am half chinese and they just don't like me, they talk down to me. they ignore me and they much prefer my cousins. .they hate my mother, which i can't really blame them for as she just left my dad and i but they blame it on her ethnicity rather than her being a shitty human being. i just can not do this bullshit anymore. my dad wants me to attend my grandmother's birthday. i told him that i didn't want to go but he said i had to. i begged for me to make a excuse but he refused and asked me why i was being so lazy. i ended up yelling that i hated his parents and i didn't want to spent time with them. he grounded me and and he forced me to go. it was miserable as always but i feel like i shouldn't have done that. i shouldn't have said that i hated them. my dad is not really talking to me and is giving me the silent treatment and i just don't know how to manage it. i feel guilty for saying and doing dumb things. edit : my dad kinda knows but i have tried to talk to him. he says they are old and set in their ways and that they mean nothing by it. [/INST] nta if they’re racist, you shouldn’t have to spend time with them. if they’re racist towards you, then that amplifies that a million times over. if you’re comfortable telling him why—tell him. he might not know how bad it is. but it’s important to protect yourself. 100% nta. </s>
|
AITA for being annoyed that my plans were ruined even though my plans were just playing video games and watching YouTube.
|
i think the title says it all but i'll elaborate more on the specific situation. right before i got off work i am informed by my gf that we're having two other families one kid each over for dinner and to watch a movie. this was planned earlier that day without my knowledge or input so i really had no option other than to have ppl over or be a major ah and kick them out. this wad a rough week at work and i'm an introvert so the last thing i really wanted to do after being tired from work is spend more energy dealing with ppl even though i like them. on top of that i had a busy weekend and was hoping to catch up on all the youtube channels i subscribe to and make some progress in the game i was playing.
i do like these ppl even tho their kids can be annoying and they had fun even if i was kind of out of it the whole time, but still if i was asked if i wanted to do that instead of just chilling i would have said no. gf had apologized before the party even started i couldn't really hide how annoyed i was when she told me. i told her to try and plan ahead more next time and suffered through it as best as i could.
i'm kind of questioning if i really should have been that annoyed though. like i wasn't going to be doing anything of note, and it's very rare for her to have a day off to do this kind of thing there might not have been another chance for a while and i probably made the party worse by being quiet and sullen the whole time. not to mention i spend probably more days than i need to playing games and watching youtube but after work it's all i really feel like doing because i'm so mentally drained.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oobjpe/aita_for_being_annoyed_that_my_plans_were_ruined/
|
2021-07-20 21:27:44
|
nta. you did have plans. it doesn't matter what they were, you were looking forward to it. your gf overrode your plans without any warning. if you and she had plans to hang out with these families and you told her last minute you would be playing video games and watching youtube instead, she would be annoyed. why should it be any different the other way around?
|
nta - but the devil is in the details. your gf booked your evening without even talking to you about it, which is not great, so expressing frustration to her is absolutely fine.
if you let your mood influence how you interacted with the guests, then you might be an ah, because they were not at fault.
also, quit being an ah to yourself - your plans and de-stressing habits have value!
|
plans are plans are plans. let's call yours what they are: mental relaxation and de-stressing.
of course you're upset that they were interrupted. of course you're upset that your day was upended without your knowledge or input. nta. i'm glad she apologized. she should.
|
nta - sounds like you stepped up and played nice. you're allowed to have a feeling about something. you're not an ass for having feelings - it's all how you behave.
now if you'd had a temper tantrum and made the night miserable you'd have been ta but you didn't.
good job from a fellow introvert!
|
nta. partners should ask each other before making plans that involve the other partner. you were tired and looking forward to relaxing, not entertaining two families, even if they are people you like.
|
nta. you should have had some more advanced notice - doesn't matter of you had plans or not. it's your space to and you deserve to know what's going on in it so you can make reasonable plans in advance so you can be prepared for it. she didn't even give you a day's notice about these plans and it ultimately ruined yours.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i think the title says it all but i'll elaborate more on the specific situation. right before i got off work i am informed by my gf that we're having two other families one kid each over for dinner and to watch a movie. this was planned earlier that day without my knowledge or input so i really had no option other than to have ppl over or be a major ah and kick them out. this wad a rough week at work and i'm an introvert so the last thing i really wanted to do after being tired from work is spend more energy dealing with ppl even though i like them. on top of that i had a busy weekend and was hoping to catch up on all the youtube channels i subscribe to and make some progress in the game i was playing. i do like these ppl even tho their kids can be annoying and they had fun even if i was kind of out of it the whole time, but still if i was asked if i wanted to do that instead of just chilling i would have said no. gf had apologized before the party even started i couldn't really hide how annoyed i was when she told me. i told her to try and plan ahead more next time and suffered through it as best as i could. i'm kind of questioning if i really should have been that annoyed though. like i wasn't going to be doing anything of note, and it's very rare for her to have a day off to do this kind of thing there might not have been another chance for a while and i probably made the party worse by being quiet and sullen the whole time. not to mention i spend probably more days than i need to playing games and watching youtube but after work it's all i really feel like doing because i'm so mentally drained.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i think the title says it all but i'll elaborate more on the specific situation. right before i got off work i am informed by my gf that we're having two other families one kid each over for dinner and to watch a movie. this was planned earlier that day without my knowledge or input so i really had no option other than to have ppl over or be a major ah and kick them out. this wad a rough week at work and i'm an introvert so the last thing i really wanted to do after being tired from work is spend more energy dealing with ppl even though i like them. on top of that i had a busy weekend and was hoping to catch up on all the youtube channels i subscribe to and make some progress in the game i was playing. i do like these ppl even tho their kids can be annoying and they had fun even if i was kind of out of it the whole time, but still if i was asked if i wanted to do that instead of just chilling i would have said no. gf had apologized before the party even started i couldn't really hide how annoyed i was when she told me. i told her to try and plan ahead more next time and suffered through it as best as i could. i'm kind of questioning if i really should have been that annoyed though. like i wasn't going to be doing anything of note, and it's very rare for her to have a day off to do this kind of thing there might not have been another chance for a while and i probably made the party worse by being quiet and sullen the whole time. not to mention i spend probably more days than i need to playing games and watching youtube but after work it's all i really feel like doing because i'm so mentally drained. [/INST] nta. you did have plans. it doesn't matter what they were, you were looking forward to it. your gf overrode your plans without any warning. if you and she had plans to hang out with these families and you told her last minute you would be playing video games and watching youtube instead, she would be annoyed. why should it be any different the other way around? </s>
|
AITA for implying my aunt is greedy to her 13 y/o daughter
|
my grandmother was left nothing when my grandfather died. she had to sell a huge mansion full of stuff. they used to be rich. gave their kids everything (cars, college,starters homes). including a pair of mopeds in the 70s to my twin aunt and uncle. my grandmother told my aunt repeatedly to get the mopeds during the estate sale if she wanted them. after the move, there was a falling out and my aunt asked for the mopeds, but my grandmother said no out of stubbornness. my aunt's 13 year old daughter (my cousin. i was 30) messaged me out of the blue on instagram trying to get me to get the mopeds for her mother. i said "if your mother wants to ruin her family over money or possessions, that's her business. please leave me out of this"
my aunt is upset i said this to her 13 y/o daughter. aita?
the whole situation is just ridiculous. the 40 year old mopeds can't be worth a dime. the falling out was over my grandmother actually disciplining my aunt's unruly children. nothing huge. just literally telling a five year old not to jump on her couch apparently broke the camel's back
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/clcugh/aita_for_implying_my_aunt_is_greedy_to_her_13_yo/
|
2019-08-03 01:24:33
|
nta. the aunt clearly used her daughter to communicate with you to try to get the stupid mopeds.
|
nta who tf uses their kids to get mopeds? like wtf guys? and grandma is refusing to give mopeds over a valid reason because she was trying to teach a 5 y/o something.
|
esh, but i'm leaning in support of you.
people like your aunt drive me crazy. they use children as a means to an end to manipulate others. your aunt didn't approach you herself, because she knew you'd respond like this, so she sent her daughter in her place to apply that manipulative pressure. she didn't expect you to respond exactly the same way, and now she's upset.
if you've upset your cousin, apologize when the opportunity arises. confront your aunt and tell her you don't appreciate her methods, and that reiterate your position: you want to stay out of a stupid argument.
|
nta the aunt is. she used her daughter to pass on a question and you passed on the answer
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0.091339 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my grandmother was left nothing when my grandfather died. she had to sell a huge mansion full of stuff. they used to be rich. gave their kids everything (cars, college,starters homes). including a pair of mopeds in the 70s to my twin aunt and uncle. my grandmother told my aunt repeatedly to get the mopeds during the estate sale if she wanted them. after the move, there was a falling out and my aunt asked for the mopeds, but my grandmother said no out of stubbornness. my aunt's 13 year old daughter (my cousin. i was 30) messaged me out of the blue on instagram trying to get me to get the mopeds for her mother. i said "if your mother wants to ruin her family over money or possessions, that's her business. please leave me out of this" my aunt is upset i said this to her 13 y/o daughter. aita? the whole situation is just ridiculous. the 40 year old mopeds can't be worth a dime. the falling out was over my grandmother actually disciplining my aunt's unruly children. nothing huge. just literally telling a five year old not to jump on her couch apparently broke the camel's back
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my grandmother was left nothing when my grandfather died. she had to sell a huge mansion full of stuff. they used to be rich. gave their kids everything (cars, college,starters homes). including a pair of mopeds in the 70s to my twin aunt and uncle. my grandmother told my aunt repeatedly to get the mopeds during the estate sale if she wanted them. after the move, there was a falling out and my aunt asked for the mopeds, but my grandmother said no out of stubbornness. my aunt's 13 year old daughter (my cousin. i was 30) messaged me out of the blue on instagram trying to get me to get the mopeds for her mother. i said "if your mother wants to ruin her family over money or possessions, that's her business. please leave me out of this" my aunt is upset i said this to her 13 y/o daughter. aita? the whole situation is just ridiculous. the 40 year old mopeds can't be worth a dime. the falling out was over my grandmother actually disciplining my aunt's unruly children. nothing huge. just literally telling a five year old not to jump on her couch apparently broke the camel's back [/INST] nta. the aunt clearly used her daughter to communicate with you to try to get the stupid mopeds. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to buy a specific suit for future brother-in-law's wedding?
|
my girlfriends brother is getting married and expects me to buy a suit and tie from the same range as the wedding party so it 'looks nice in the photos'. i'm not part of the wedding party such as groomsman / usher etc. just a wedding guest. my girlfriend has reluctantly agreed to be a bridesmaid (1 of 15) but was only asked due to being the grooms sister.
having worked in the city pre-pandemic, i have a wardrobe full of perfectly good suits and ties. i personally don't think i should have to pay out for a new one on his request just to match the wedding party in the photos when i'm not part of that party. as a couple we're not particularly close to them and don't see them often. aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rxe9z4/aita_for_not_wanting_to_buy_a_specific_suit_for/
|
2022-01-06 13:10:58
|
nta
you aren't in the wedding party so you shouldn't be expected to dress like you are.
|
nta. 15 bridesmaids?? not even if she was the queen of the fairies it would be reasonable to have that many
|
nta. you're not in the wedding party, why would you have to dress like them? seems really weird. it's not like you'll be in photos of just the wedding party, right?
if your gf knows any of the other bridesmaids well, have her ask one if her partner is also being told to do this.
|
nta. i have yet to see a bad family photo that was caused by not wearing matching clothes.
as what to do about it? either they accept that you will wear your your suit, you agree to not be in the photo, they pay for your suit or you get it just to keep the peace. maybe a quick swot analysis on what are the consequences of each option and talk with your gf.
|
nta you are just a guest. you’re only job is to dress appropriately for the event in your price range
additionally, and i mean no disrespect to this. if this is just your girlfriend and not your wife or fiancé i’m not sure you should be in any official photos.
|
nta. his request is ridiculous.
|
nta… 15!?!?!? during a pandemic?
|
nta. you’re not part of the wedding party so you have no obligation at all to wear a suit dictated to you by them.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriends brother is getting married and expects me to buy a suit and tie from the same range as the wedding party so it 'looks nice in the photos'. i'm not part of the wedding party such as groomsman / usher etc. just a wedding guest. my girlfriend has reluctantly agreed to be a bridesmaid (1 of 15) but was only asked due to being the grooms sister. having worked in the city pre-pandemic, i have a wardrobe full of perfectly good suits and ties. i personally don't think i should have to pay out for a new one on his request just to match the wedding party in the photos when i'm not part of that party. as a couple we're not particularly close to them and don't see them often. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriends brother is getting married and expects me to buy a suit and tie from the same range as the wedding party so it 'looks nice in the photos'. i'm not part of the wedding party such as groomsman / usher etc. just a wedding guest. my girlfriend has reluctantly agreed to be a bridesmaid (1 of 15) but was only asked due to being the grooms sister. having worked in the city pre-pandemic, i have a wardrobe full of perfectly good suits and ties. i personally don't think i should have to pay out for a new one on his request just to match the wedding party in the photos when i'm not part of that party. as a couple we're not particularly close to them and don't see them often. aita? [/INST] nta you aren't in the wedding party so you shouldn't be expected to dress like you are. </s>
|
AITA for not eating certain foods when my family serves them to me?
|
i recently was diagnosed with gout about a month ago, and i was told by my doctor that i had to make some significant changes to my diet if i wanted to avoid another painful attack. and those attacks are quite painful. when i had to work from home because it hurt too much for me to walk, that was when i decided to see a doctor to try to figure out what was going on.
but when i told my mother and my grandmother about this, their attitude was, "you would still eat high purine foods if we served them to you, right? it is ok for you to have a little bit."
now i have both my mother and my grandmother telling me i am hurting them by saying no to certain foods they are trying to serve me when i visit them. they are claiming they worked to cook these meals and i should be appreciative and chow down. i am telling them i do not want a gout flare up. they are telling me i am being extremely unreasonable and that i can have a little bit. i am telling them i do not want to take that gamble. now they are claiming i am being aggressive and hurtful towards them.
maybe i am being unreasonable. who knows?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u1gtzi/aita_for_not_eating_certain_foods_when_my_family/
|
2022-04-11 20:33:06
|
nta. your mother and grandmother insist they have the right to cause you physical pain and jeopardize your health. who's being selfish and unreasonable here?
|
nta.
gout is no joke. it's incredibly painful, as i'm sure you're aware. it's not anyone else's call what you decide to eat, especially if it can potentially hurt you.
i'd turn this around on them. "of course i want to eat your food. i love your cooking! but i don't understand why you insist on cooking things that will affect my medical condition. do you want me to be in pain?" honestly, it's a cheap shot, but it might help them understand how ridiculous their position is.
|
"mom, grandma, eating those foods will cause me physical pain. the fact that you know that they will cause me physical pain, and yet you continue to insist i eat them to prove my love for you, is making me feel like *you* don't love *me*. because if you love me, why do you want to hurt me?"
and if they say anything about the hard work that went into making those foods, "i would appreciate it if you would make food *for* me, but all of that hard work you did was not for *me* since you know i can't eat it. you made that food for other people. which is fine, i'm not mad about it, but you made that in spite of me, not for me."
nta. if they are actually interested in showing their love for you, they could help you start figuring out what yummy foods you can eat that aren't poison for you.
|
nta
you need to play the game back. stop getting cross fight fire with water.....here is how it goes. "but i thought you loved me"....."but we do"..... "no you don't love is not wishing someone to be in horrible pain"...... "we don't want you to be in pain what a terrible thing to say" ........ "yes you do, if you didn't want me to be in pain you wouldn't try to be guilt me into eating foods that cause the pain" ....."you wouldn't spend hours cooking food that is going to physically hurt me" ..... "it hurt me that you think your chosen feelings are more important than my agony"
when and if you have a flare up especially if you have been to their house you phone up and say how badly you are suffering..miserable not angry.......you say and "i have been so good with my diet the only thing i have had that i shouldn't was the x at your house."
|
nta. you are not being unreasonable. if you were told you were allergic to something and would die if you ingested it, would they expect you to eat a little because they "worked so hard to make it"? actually, don't answer that, i want to retain some faith in humanity. :(
be firm about this. anyone who tries to make it a test of affection for you to do something that damages your person or health is the asshole, not you for refusing.
|
wtf. would they serve a cake to a diabetic? peanut butter to a nut allergy? bread to a coeliac? what's wrong with them? nta.
|
nta. my husband has gout flare ups from time to time and is incredible pain. tip: he swears by apple cider vinegar pills when he has a flare up. maybe it could help you.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i recently was diagnosed with gout about a month ago, and i was told by my doctor that i had to make some significant changes to my diet if i wanted to avoid another painful attack. and those attacks are quite painful. when i had to work from home because it hurt too much for me to walk, that was when i decided to see a doctor to try to figure out what was going on. but when i told my mother and my grandmother about this, their attitude was, "you would still eat high purine foods if we served them to you, right? it is ok for you to have a little bit." now i have both my mother and my grandmother telling me i am hurting them by saying no to certain foods they are trying to serve me when i visit them. they are claiming they worked to cook these meals and i should be appreciative and chow down. i am telling them i do not want a gout flare up. they are telling me i am being extremely unreasonable and that i can have a little bit. i am telling them i do not want to take that gamble. now they are claiming i am being aggressive and hurtful towards them. maybe i am being unreasonable. who knows?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i recently was diagnosed with gout about a month ago, and i was told by my doctor that i had to make some significant changes to my diet if i wanted to avoid another painful attack. and those attacks are quite painful. when i had to work from home because it hurt too much for me to walk, that was when i decided to see a doctor to try to figure out what was going on. but when i told my mother and my grandmother about this, their attitude was, "you would still eat high purine foods if we served them to you, right? it is ok for you to have a little bit." now i have both my mother and my grandmother telling me i am hurting them by saying no to certain foods they are trying to serve me when i visit them. they are claiming they worked to cook these meals and i should be appreciative and chow down. i am telling them i do not want a gout flare up. they are telling me i am being extremely unreasonable and that i can have a little bit. i am telling them i do not want to take that gamble. now they are claiming i am being aggressive and hurtful towards them. maybe i am being unreasonable. who knows? [/INST] nta. your mother and grandmother insist they have the right to cause you physical pain and jeopardize your health. who's being selfish and unreasonable here? </s>
|
AITA for wanting to celebrate my late fiancé’s child?
|
so here's a weird situation for you all.
three years ago, i lost the love of my life to brain cancer. it was quick, dirty and didn't leave a ton of time to think or make any sort of plans. boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love and then suddenly instead of planning our wedding i'm planning his funeral.
his mother has always been well...not disapproving of me but told him once that she had always hoped he'd find a nice traditional catholic girl to settle down with.
clearly not me.
so here's where the story takes on some salt and savor.
shortly before he passed away we did fertility preservation on his part; that is to say, we froze vials of his sperm so i could one day down the road use them to possibly bear his biological children. this was done with his full consent, knowledge, etc. we had been talking about kids for quite some time but you always think you have all this time, you know?
his mother knew we were doing the procedure and basically claimed we were adults and it was our choice.
three years later, i'm finally ready to use it. i've got the insurance cover i need, legal approval and the whole shebang. its been three months of trials and tribulations and his family has known about it from the very first step. instead of having to update each person individually i'd like to post one giant update of, "hey guys starting this journey. please post some good vibes!"
i tried to tell his family as gently as possible but his mom is still so, so against it. she says that she doesn't want me posting on facebook about it, what would our child think of all these strangers knowing, etc. to be fair, i know the risks of what i'm attempting and would only post letting everyone in on the secret once i'm past the danger zone of miscarriages.
i tried telling her that i only have people on facebook i know and trust. aita for wanting to tell my friends and family that i don't see often about what's going on through facebook?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pyau30/aita_for_wanting_to_celebrate_my_late_fiancés/
|
2021-09-30 02:51:11
|
nta at all. first off, i’m so sorry for your loss. second, it’s your pregnancy, your husbands child. not hers. his mom is ta for even having such a shitty opinion on the matter. i would be absolutely thrilled if i lost a child and was still able to ‘have’ a child through them if that’s what them and their spouse agreed upon.
|
nta this is no different to anyone having a child in a different situation, if you're close enough to the people on facebook to tell them that you're having a child normally then you're close enough that you can tell them about this child
|
you can do whatever you want it's not his mother's business
|
nta. you do what you feel is right. unless someone has personally walked in your shoes with this unique situation then no one has any room to say anything. this is a big thing for you and if posting it for support garners you that support then do it. this is your journey, no one else’s.
|
nta. she can't control you. also i dont think this is something your potential child would care about at all in 10 20 30 years. hell they'd probably be like.. mom you really loved dad.
|
nta. it is your choice. i am afraid the reason she is telling you this is not the truth.
|
nta
as you have surmised limiting the news to just a core group until you are past the early stages when miscarriage is more likely might be a good idea. assuming you to get pregnant it is likely to be a roller coaster of emotion for much of his family.
so consider setting up a separate page for pregnancy news and initially limiting the privacy settings so that those most in the need to know are clued in first. later on when you are more comfortable that you can carry to term you could open up the settings so your cousin's second grade teacher's plumber's nephew can see the news too.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so here's a weird situation for you all. three years ago, i lost the love of my life to brain cancer. it was quick, dirty and didn't leave a ton of time to think or make any sort of plans. boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love and then suddenly instead of planning our wedding i'm planning his funeral. his mother has always been well...not disapproving of me but told him once that she had always hoped he'd find a nice traditional catholic girl to settle down with. clearly not me. so here's where the story takes on some salt and savor. shortly before he passed away we did fertility preservation on his part; that is to say, we froze vials of his sperm so i could one day down the road use them to possibly bear his biological children. this was done with his full consent, knowledge, etc. we had been talking about kids for quite some time but you always think you have all this time, you know? his mother knew we were doing the procedure and basically claimed we were adults and it was our choice. three years later, i'm finally ready to use it. i've got the insurance cover i need, legal approval and the whole shebang. its been three months of trials and tribulations and his family has known about it from the very first step. instead of having to update each person individually i'd like to post one giant update of, "hey guys starting this journey. please post some good vibes!" i tried to tell his family as gently as possible but his mom is still so, so against it. she says that she doesn't want me posting on facebook about it, what would our child think of all these strangers knowing, etc. to be fair, i know the risks of what i'm attempting and would only post letting everyone in on the secret once i'm past the danger zone of miscarriages. i tried telling her that i only have people on facebook i know and trust. aita for wanting to tell my friends and family that i don't see often about what's going on through facebook?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so here's a weird situation for you all. three years ago, i lost the love of my life to brain cancer. it was quick, dirty and didn't leave a ton of time to think or make any sort of plans. boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love and then suddenly instead of planning our wedding i'm planning his funeral. his mother has always been well...not disapproving of me but told him once that she had always hoped he'd find a nice traditional catholic girl to settle down with. clearly not me. so here's where the story takes on some salt and savor. shortly before he passed away we did fertility preservation on his part; that is to say, we froze vials of his sperm so i could one day down the road use them to possibly bear his biological children. this was done with his full consent, knowledge, etc. we had been talking about kids for quite some time but you always think you have all this time, you know? his mother knew we were doing the procedure and basically claimed we were adults and it was our choice. three years later, i'm finally ready to use it. i've got the insurance cover i need, legal approval and the whole shebang. its been three months of trials and tribulations and his family has known about it from the very first step. instead of having to update each person individually i'd like to post one giant update of, "hey guys starting this journey. please post some good vibes!" i tried to tell his family as gently as possible but his mom is still so, so against it. she says that she doesn't want me posting on facebook about it, what would our child think of all these strangers knowing, etc. to be fair, i know the risks of what i'm attempting and would only post letting everyone in on the secret once i'm past the danger zone of miscarriages. i tried telling her that i only have people on facebook i know and trust. aita for wanting to tell my friends and family that i don't see often about what's going on through facebook? [/INST] nta at all. first off, i’m so sorry for your loss. second, it’s your pregnancy, your husbands child. not hers. his mom is ta for even having such a shitty opinion on the matter. i would be absolutely thrilled if i lost a child and was still able to ‘have’ a child through them if that’s what them and their spouse agreed upon. </s>
|
AITA for being upset with my mom and her new boyfriends comments?
|
this is a weird situation and i (20f) feel like an ah because of it. my mom (47) got back in touch w her old bf (51) who i’ll call john from when she was 18 a little over 2 months ago. they started dating about a month ago i think, not too sure. he lives in another state, roughly 14 hrs away and has come up to visit, this is the fourth time, he’s been here for almost 3 weeks.
earlier today we were all talking and my mom referred to me as “our kid”, meaning her and john. i looked at her and said “what the fuck did you just say?” and she and him laughed about it. i wasn’t happy. granted, my mom and dad don’t get along and he’s a douche, but 1) he’s still my dad and 2) john is still basically a stranger to me.
i’m at work now and she called me, and made the same “joke” again. johns son texted me asking me to tell his dad to call him. my mom said “are you sure he didn’t say our dad?” and i said that wasn’t funny. she just said “whatever fearlessqueer, bye” and hung up.
aita? she made me feel like one and john has been overstepping a lot acting like a parent. idk what to do and i feel horrible and really angry.
info: since it’s been asked a few times, i am my bio dads child, no doubt about it. it’s not a case of infidelity
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qnktte/aita_for_being_upset_with_my_mom_and_her_new/
|
2021-11-05 21:14:35
|
nta
this is weird. i don't understand why she would say that. i mean you are already an adult and they started dating a month ago... it's not like he is your step dad or even has any role in your life. it's extremely odd to me.
there is no chance he is actually your biological father is there? that you are an affair child or from when they were dating? it would be the only explanation i can find
|
nta they are clearly in the honeymoon period and acting like ding dongs
|
parents are not genetic. parents are a title given to someone who has not only raised a child, but built them who they are today. your biological “dad” might not be present as much in your life, but he has more effect than whoever the hell this “john” thinks he has. your mother’s relationships outside of you have nothing to do with you and you have the right to be completely disconnected if they overstep boundaries like that. you aren’t his daughter, he isn’t your father. make that known now.
nta
|
nta. next time she says that, ask "are you saying you committed adultery and john is my biological father? if not, he's not my dad."
|
nta. those jokes aren’t funny and your mother and her “man” are insensitive
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is a weird situation and i (20f) feel like an ah because of it. my mom (47) got back in touch w her old bf (51) who i’ll call john from when she was 18 a little over 2 months ago. they started dating about a month ago i think, not too sure. he lives in another state, roughly 14 hrs away and has come up to visit, this is the fourth time, he’s been here for almost 3 weeks. earlier today we were all talking and my mom referred to me as “our kid”, meaning her and john. i looked at her and said “what the fuck did you just say?” and she and him laughed about it. i wasn’t happy. granted, my mom and dad don’t get along and he’s a douche, but 1) he’s still my dad and 2) john is still basically a stranger to me. i’m at work now and she called me, and made the same “joke” again. johns son texted me asking me to tell his dad to call him. my mom said “are you sure he didn’t say our dad?” and i said that wasn’t funny. she just said “whatever fearlessqueer, bye” and hung up. aita? she made me feel like one and john has been overstepping a lot acting like a parent. idk what to do and i feel horrible and really angry. info: since it’s been asked a few times, i am my bio dads child, no doubt about it. it’s not a case of infidelity
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is a weird situation and i (20f) feel like an ah because of it. my mom (47) got back in touch w her old bf (51) who i’ll call john from when she was 18 a little over 2 months ago. they started dating about a month ago i think, not too sure. he lives in another state, roughly 14 hrs away and has come up to visit, this is the fourth time, he’s been here for almost 3 weeks. earlier today we were all talking and my mom referred to me as “our kid”, meaning her and john. i looked at her and said “what the fuck did you just say?” and she and him laughed about it. i wasn’t happy. granted, my mom and dad don’t get along and he’s a douche, but 1) he’s still my dad and 2) john is still basically a stranger to me. i’m at work now and she called me, and made the same “joke” again. johns son texted me asking me to tell his dad to call him. my mom said “are you sure he didn’t say our dad?” and i said that wasn’t funny. she just said “whatever fearlessqueer, bye” and hung up. aita? she made me feel like one and john has been overstepping a lot acting like a parent. idk what to do and i feel horrible and really angry. info: since it’s been asked a few times, i am my bio dads child, no doubt about it. it’s not a case of infidelity [/INST] nta this is weird. i don't understand why she would say that. i mean you are already an adult and they started dating a month ago... it's not like he is your step dad or even has any role in your life. it's extremely odd to me. there is no chance he is actually your biological father is there? that you are an affair child or from when they were dating? it would be the only explanation i can find </s>
|
AITA for telling my sister I don't wan't to pay her rent anymore?
|
i (20f) and my sister (23f) live in an apartment together. i am currently a junior in college, and she graduated in december. since i can't pay anything out of pocket for college and take out every loan possible, i get a big refund every semester from my school. the money i get goes towards my rent.
so, here's where my sister comes in. last year (spring 2021), since she already took out her max amount of loans, she no longer got a refund from the school. i did the calculations, and my refund was just enough to cover the both of us for the semester. i offered to pay her rent, and i've been doing so ever since. on top of that, i also paid for her classes for the last two semesters before she graduated this past december. the first semesters were fine; she helped some with meals, groceries, etc.
problem came at the end of last semester. we both had part-time jobs, but she eventually quit her retail job because she didn’t like it. she couldn't help with finances anymore. i had to begin paying for everything. my financial aid refund covered the rent, but everything else comes out of my pocket. my sister had trouble finding another job for a few months, so i was basically taking care of us both.
this was a lot for me. full-time in school, working on campus, and the added stress of taking care of both of us really took a toll on my mental and physical health. she knows all this was hard on me but there really wasn't much she could do.
fast forward to now. she graduated and has secured a great full-time job (35k). of course, i'm super excited for her to start her dream job. and not to sound selfish, but i'm definitely looking forward to her being able to help me out with costs again. i got my refund for this semester and started thinking about our rent. i could save up so much for future rents & school costs if she starts paying hers soon. she had hers covered for january and february. i asked her if she’d be able to start paying it ($740) starting in march. she said she wasn’t sure since she’ll have a car note and has to start paying back someone she borrowed money from, and that maybe she’d be able to start in june or start paying half the rent earlier. i was pretty taken aback by this...i didn’t think i’d still have to cover the rest of the semester. she noticed i got upset about this and asked what was wrong. i said exactly this: “i’m tired of paying both our rent.”
she began to cry. she said “i’m doing my best and if what i offer isn't enough for you then idk what else to do. i just don't want you to be mad at me.” i then had to reassure her that i’m not mad at her, but more sad about the situation. it just is what it is. she kept going on about me being mad at her and i had to talk her down. in the end, she feels better, and i feel the same. i'm just so tired of taking care of everything, especially since she’s graduated and will begin working.
aita for saying that? am i wrong/selfish for feeling this way?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sg1wug/aita_for_telling_my_sister_i_dont_want_to_pay_her/
|
2022-01-30 05:33:13
|
nta but please please please talk to someone, or post on a board here, so you can understand the consequences of your financial decision. you are piling up loans, like at high interest, to finance your sister not working. get out of this situation now, and move back to campus housing if that's an option. your rent is unsustainable.
|
it's not a refund, it's a loan. nta for wanting your sister to contribute.
bad news - there are no "good" jobs at $35k, but you are right, she will have some $ to cover bills. $35k, after taxes, etc, is not going to afford $740 per month and a car and whatever else - god forbid her loans also kick in. ideally, she'll have a second job on top of that... which i doubt. (are you in a major city? $740... per person... sounds like you could've found cheaper in most college neighborhoods).
i'm sad you girls don't appear to have a parent or comparable adult that can help you sort everything out. even if they can't afford to give you $$, you and sis were really left high & dry to sort out way too much.
|
>has to start paying back someone she borrowed money from
uh she kind of also owes you money. all that time you covered rent when she quit a job without a backup plan, paid for her classes, and supported all her expenses. she doesn't get to say "well school was hard and overwhelming" when you did that + a job + being the reason both of you weren't homeless. she wouldn't have that new job and salary without you paying for her to finish her degree. also, why did she borrow money from someone? if you paid for rent and classes, what did she spend it on?
>“i’m doing my best and if what i offer isn't enough for you then idk what else to do.
find a new place to live. and why is she getting a car note when she can't pay rent?
>she kept going on about me being mad at her and i had to talk her down.
and here is the manipulation. nta, you have been breaking your back for months trying to keep both of you afloat. time to let her sink or swim on her own.
|
nta
the first responsibility she has is to pay her part of the roof over her head and to start paying back the person who kept the roof over her head when she wouldn't because she didn't like her previous job. she needs a hard dose of reality.
|
nta you paid for her rent, it’s only fair for her to pay for yours now that she has a paying job. even if it turns out she can’t, just asking doesn’t make you the a, and she overreacted.
|
nta. her rent, her responsibility.
|
time to write down an agreement for her paying the rent. maybe two months at half then full each month.
nta
|
nta if she has a job she can start paying her way
|
nta, make up a repayment schedule so you don't have to eat rice and beans for the foreseeable future.
|
no she needs to start paying her half now, her car note an repaying borrowed money isn't your concern or responsibility. sounds like she was being a bit of a mooch. nta. crocodile tears don't pay the rent, don't mix emotions with finances.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (20f) and my sister (23f) live in an apartment together. i am currently a junior in college, and she graduated in december. since i can't pay anything out of pocket for college and take out every loan possible, i get a big refund every semester from my school. the money i get goes towards my rent. so, here's where my sister comes in. last year (spring 2021), since she already took out her max amount of loans, she no longer got a refund from the school. i did the calculations, and my refund was just enough to cover the both of us for the semester. i offered to pay her rent, and i've been doing so ever since. on top of that, i also paid for her classes for the last two semesters before she graduated this past december. the first semesters were fine; she helped some with meals, groceries, etc. problem came at the end of last semester. we both had part-time jobs, but she eventually quit her retail job because she didn’t like it. she couldn't help with finances anymore. i had to begin paying for everything. my financial aid refund covered the rent, but everything else comes out of my pocket. my sister had trouble finding another job for a few months, so i was basically taking care of us both. this was a lot for me. full-time in school, working on campus, and the added stress of taking care of both of us really took a toll on my mental and physical health. she knows all this was hard on me but there really wasn't much she could do. fast forward to now. she graduated and has secured a great full-time job (35k). of course, i'm super excited for her to start her dream job. and not to sound selfish, but i'm definitely looking forward to her being able to help me out with costs again. i got my refund for this semester and started thinking about our rent. i could save up so much for future rents & school costs if she starts paying hers soon. she had hers covered for january and february. i asked her if she’d be able to start paying it ($740) starting in march. she said she wasn’t sure since she’ll have a car note and has to start paying back someone she borrowed money from, and that maybe she’d be able to start in june or start paying half the rent earlier. i was pretty taken aback by this...i didn’t think i’d still have to cover the rest of the semester. she noticed i got upset about this and asked what was wrong. i said exactly this: “i’m tired of paying both our rent.” she began to cry. she said “i’m doing my best and if what i offer isn't enough for you then idk what else to do. i just don't want you to be mad at me.” i then had to reassure her that i’m not mad at her, but more sad about the situation. it just is what it is. she kept going on about me being mad at her and i had to talk her down. in the end, she feels better, and i feel the same. i'm just so tired of taking care of everything, especially since she’s graduated and will begin working. aita for saying that? am i wrong/selfish for feeling this way?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (20f) and my sister (23f) live in an apartment together. i am currently a junior in college, and she graduated in december. since i can't pay anything out of pocket for college and take out every loan possible, i get a big refund every semester from my school. the money i get goes towards my rent. so, here's where my sister comes in. last year (spring 2021), since she already took out her max amount of loans, she no longer got a refund from the school. i did the calculations, and my refund was just enough to cover the both of us for the semester. i offered to pay her rent, and i've been doing so ever since. on top of that, i also paid for her classes for the last two semesters before she graduated this past december. the first semesters were fine; she helped some with meals, groceries, etc. problem came at the end of last semester. we both had part-time jobs, but she eventually quit her retail job because she didn’t like it. she couldn't help with finances anymore. i had to begin paying for everything. my financial aid refund covered the rent, but everything else comes out of my pocket. my sister had trouble finding another job for a few months, so i was basically taking care of us both. this was a lot for me. full-time in school, working on campus, and the added stress of taking care of both of us really took a toll on my mental and physical health. she knows all this was hard on me but there really wasn't much she could do. fast forward to now. she graduated and has secured a great full-time job (35k). of course, i'm super excited for her to start her dream job. and not to sound selfish, but i'm definitely looking forward to her being able to help me out with costs again. i got my refund for this semester and started thinking about our rent. i could save up so much for future rents & school costs if she starts paying hers soon. she had hers covered for january and february. i asked her if she’d be able to start paying it ($740) starting in march. she said she wasn’t sure since she’ll have a car note and has to start paying back someone she borrowed money from, and that maybe she’d be able to start in june or start paying half the rent earlier. i was pretty taken aback by this...i didn’t think i’d still have to cover the rest of the semester. she noticed i got upset about this and asked what was wrong. i said exactly this: “i’m tired of paying both our rent.” she began to cry. she said “i’m doing my best and if what i offer isn't enough for you then idk what else to do. i just don't want you to be mad at me.” i then had to reassure her that i’m not mad at her, but more sad about the situation. it just is what it is. she kept going on about me being mad at her and i had to talk her down. in the end, she feels better, and i feel the same. i'm just so tired of taking care of everything, especially since she’s graduated and will begin working. aita for saying that? am i wrong/selfish for feeling this way? [/INST] nta but please please please talk to someone, or post on a board here, so you can understand the consequences of your financial decision. you are piling up loans, like at high interest, to finance your sister not working. get out of this situation now, and move back to campus housing if that's an option. your rent is unsustainable. </s>
|
AITA for not going to my (step)sister’s wedding
|
so i feel insanely bad about making the tough decision to not go to my sister’s wedding but it’s kind of a complex situation so i feel like i have to explain.
my sister is actually my stepsister although we all grew up super close from a young age so i never knew different. our parents split up a few years ago and it was not a pretty split but most of us are of adult age so we weren’t super involved. my sister that’s getting married is 30 and i’m 22 for reference. my stepdads kids kind of dropped off communication after the split which was odd but whatever. so i get a save the date and then i briefly saw her after receiving them. since it was a quick thing there wasn’t much time to update each other on our lives but the two big things i remember telling her about were my recent narcolepsy diagnosis the “new” person i’m dating (at the time it had been well over a year already she just didnt know due to the whole lack of communication). she then said ok i’ll make sure to give you a plus one then for the wedding- at this point everything seemed fine.
i did not get extended a plus one and she didn’t mention it again so i felt rude bringing it up again so i figured i would just try to make something work in terms of driving. the wedding is 2 hours away from where i live and the maximum amount of time i can safely drive is about 40 minutes on a good day. now my boyfriend is not in the area due to deployment orders so he’s not available to drive me and then i guess entertain himself for the duration of the wedding. i feel awful not going but i cannot safely drive that duration and i haven’t driven over 40 minutes at a time in about a year and a half due to the severity of my narcolepsy. i’ve been very lucky in life so far and i haven’t gotten into any car accidents but i have driven off the highway multiple times due to uncontrollably falling asleep.
i know logically that it isn’t safe for me to drive but i have such a guilty conscious over it- so i guess my concern is am i actually making a smart decision or do i suck 😵💫
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xt1cij/aita_for_not_going_to_my_stepsisters_wedding/
|
2022-10-01 17:37:49
|
nta. the amount of times i type this on here astounds me: it is an invitation, not a summons. rsvping exists for a reason.
|
nah, you cannot drive at all, ever (please?) and don't have a ride. she hasn't expressed any anger.
if it were me, i'd call and explain your predicament and ask her if she had any other guests from your town to whom you might pitch in gas money for a ride.
|
i had a friend die last year due to epilepsy. she was not allowed to drive. you are nta. your “sister” should have made accommodations for you to get there if she wanted you there.
today is my friends anniversary of her death.
send you good vibes.
|
nta. absolutely call your stepsister and explain the severity of your narcolepsy and how dangerous it is for you to travel to the wedding alone. if she really wants you to attend, she’ll extend that plus one the two of you talked about.
|
yta big time for getting behind the wheel even though you have narcolepsy. there is no amount of time you can drive safely, you've driven off the highway multiple times. you could have killed someone!!! absolutely disgraceful
|
wtf how can someone with narcelopsy legally drive thats insane…even slightly blind people cant drive i figured this would be a similar disability bcs ur literally driving off the highway?
|
info: has your relationship deteriorated so bad to the point that you can’t reach out to her and ask, “hey, based on our conversation a while back, would it be ok for me to bring a +1”?
|
nta, the fact that it is unsafe for you to drive is the deciding factor. none of the rest of that really matters.
|
nta at all! i would explain the situation to your sister, reminding her that you cannot drive longer distances due to your medical diagnosis. driving is a risk to you and others sharing the road with you. you should feel comfortable in making the right decision!
| null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| null |
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.1305 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i feel insanely bad about making the tough decision to not go to my sister’s wedding but it’s kind of a complex situation so i feel like i have to explain. my sister is actually my stepsister although we all grew up super close from a young age so i never knew different. our parents split up a few years ago and it was not a pretty split but most of us are of adult age so we weren’t super involved. my sister that’s getting married is 30 and i’m 22 for reference. my stepdads kids kind of dropped off communication after the split which was odd but whatever. so i get a save the date and then i briefly saw her after receiving them. since it was a quick thing there wasn’t much time to update each other on our lives but the two big things i remember telling her about were my recent narcolepsy diagnosis the “new” person i’m dating (at the time it had been well over a year already she just didnt know due to the whole lack of communication). she then said ok i’ll make sure to give you a plus one then for the wedding- at this point everything seemed fine. i did not get extended a plus one and she didn’t mention it again so i felt rude bringing it up again so i figured i would just try to make something work in terms of driving. the wedding is 2 hours away from where i live and the maximum amount of time i can safely drive is about 40 minutes on a good day. now my boyfriend is not in the area due to deployment orders so he’s not available to drive me and then i guess entertain himself for the duration of the wedding. i feel awful not going but i cannot safely drive that duration and i haven’t driven over 40 minutes at a time in about a year and a half due to the severity of my narcolepsy. i’ve been very lucky in life so far and i haven’t gotten into any car accidents but i have driven off the highway multiple times due to uncontrollably falling asleep. i know logically that it isn’t safe for me to drive but i have such a guilty conscious over it- so i guess my concern is am i actually making a smart decision or do i suck 😵💫
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i feel insanely bad about making the tough decision to not go to my sister’s wedding but it’s kind of a complex situation so i feel like i have to explain. my sister is actually my stepsister although we all grew up super close from a young age so i never knew different. our parents split up a few years ago and it was not a pretty split but most of us are of adult age so we weren’t super involved. my sister that’s getting married is 30 and i’m 22 for reference. my stepdads kids kind of dropped off communication after the split which was odd but whatever. so i get a save the date and then i briefly saw her after receiving them. since it was a quick thing there wasn’t much time to update each other on our lives but the two big things i remember telling her about were my recent narcolepsy diagnosis the “new” person i’m dating (at the time it had been well over a year already she just didnt know due to the whole lack of communication). she then said ok i’ll make sure to give you a plus one then for the wedding- at this point everything seemed fine. i did not get extended a plus one and she didn’t mention it again so i felt rude bringing it up again so i figured i would just try to make something work in terms of driving. the wedding is 2 hours away from where i live and the maximum amount of time i can safely drive is about 40 minutes on a good day. now my boyfriend is not in the area due to deployment orders so he’s not available to drive me and then i guess entertain himself for the duration of the wedding. i feel awful not going but i cannot safely drive that duration and i haven’t driven over 40 minutes at a time in about a year and a half due to the severity of my narcolepsy. i’ve been very lucky in life so far and i haven’t gotten into any car accidents but i have driven off the highway multiple times due to uncontrollably falling asleep. i know logically that it isn’t safe for me to drive but i have such a guilty conscious over it- so i guess my concern is am i actually making a smart decision or do i suck 😵💫 [/INST] nta. the amount of times i type this on here astounds me: it is an invitation, not a summons. rsvping exists for a reason. </s>
|
AITA for wanting to end a friendship with a friend that had offered free pet-sit for our cat, but we came back to a very skinny, sick, not-eating, flea-infested cat that we had to spend hundreds of dollars to treat.
|
my bf and i had planned a small trip, and initially i had planned to leave our cat (ki) with my parents for the duration. our friend, steven, offered to look after ki as he also has 2 cats of his own. i thought steven saved us a lot of money, and my cat had been to his place before, so i was just genuinely glad that we had such a wonderful friend. my bf and i had also bought souvenirs, sent various postcards throughout our trip, and planned to take steven out to dinner to repay him for his time with our pet.
when we came to pick up ki, i had noticed that my cat was acting very strange—he was super sluggish, visibly skinnier, and growled when i tried to pick him up. he was very low on energy and something was very off. but we were glad to have him back.
however, within the first 5 minutes of driving, i was mortified when i inspected ki. every single time i pulled apart his fur, i saw fleas. he was so infested. i had 2 flea bites from just the 5 mins drive. the weird part was that behind his neck, there was a wet spot and it smelled chemically. if you have a cat, you would know that this is where one would apply flea medications or other topical medications.
we then hurried to the nearest veterinarian. our primary vet was not opened on sunday so we had to see a new vet that required a completely new examination. we had to shave his fur, give him a bath, flea meds, shots, probiotics, new food as his old bag was contaminated, etc. and the whole thing totaled up to \~$300. we also took an entire day to sterilized or destroyed basically everything that came into contact with our cat.
if it was just the two of us, we wouldn’t have been this upset. but my bf’s dad is staying with us for a couple of months and he is arriving the next day, and if our carpeted home is infested, we would’ve been fucked. steven denied everything and said he had no idea how this could have happened. he was sure our cat would’ve never gotten fleas from his home or his cats. i sent steven a message over fb asking whether he had noticed any weird behaviors from our cat because he is much thinner. he didn’t look at my message. when confronted in person, steven also denied anything was ever wrong.
whether my bf chooses to continue their friendship, that’s up to him to decide. but for me, i'd like to tell steven that i am done. my bf thinks that i can tell steven about how disappointed i am, but to say that my friendship with him is over is over-exaggerated. after all, steven did save us from having to spend a lot of money, but at the same time he really did such a shitty job that if i had known this was going to happen, i would have turned down his offer and just go straight to my parents. aita for wanting to end this bullshit of a friendship over my cat?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c6c91k/aita_for_wanting_to_end_a_friendship_with_a/
|
2019-06-27 22:50:10
|
nta
i'd be pretty pissed off if someone did that to my cat and didn't own up to it.
|
nta
poor thing, makes no sense that this dude doesn’t know how to take care of cats if he has 2. i’d be worried for his cats.
|
yta - you left your cat with someone who has 2 cats? in their territory? for days?
yta.
don't do that.
your cat very likely was bullied that whole time as the other cats thought he was moving into their territory.
|
info: were his cats also sick and infested with fleas?
|
nah - the flea thing is rediculous, but shit happens. as for your cat being grouchy and skinny... this is pretty normal for cats that are moved and rehoused with strange cats. cat's aren't dogs. they typically get very stressed when they are moved. especially if they lose their people and are thrown into a house with other cats. next time get a pet sitter that can stop by your house.
|
info: how did you manage to spend $300 to treat fleas? seems you should be mad at the vet for taking you for a ride.
|
nta if i went to pick up my cat and found it in this state i would be pissed.
|
nta. doesn't sound like a very good friend. sorry this happened to you.
|
nta. you trusted someone with taking care of your pet who you obviously love alot and they broke that trust by returning him in such a condition and at no point contacting you about anything that was happening and even denied it. and applying flea meds without asking if it was safe is inconsiderate. your cat could have had an allergy or you might monitor the quality of meds given. to cut someone out of your life who broke trust like that is fully understandable.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
NAH
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.166667 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my bf and i had planned a small trip, and initially i had planned to leave our cat (ki) with my parents for the duration. our friend, steven, offered to look after ki as he also has 2 cats of his own. i thought steven saved us a lot of money, and my cat had been to his place before, so i was just genuinely glad that we had such a wonderful friend. my bf and i had also bought souvenirs, sent various postcards throughout our trip, and planned to take steven out to dinner to repay him for his time with our pet. when we came to pick up ki, i had noticed that my cat was acting very strange—he was super sluggish, visibly skinnier, and growled when i tried to pick him up. he was very low on energy and something was very off. but we were glad to have him back. however, within the first 5 minutes of driving, i was mortified when i inspected ki. every single time i pulled apart his fur, i saw fleas. he was so infested. i had 2 flea bites from just the 5 mins drive. the weird part was that behind his neck, there was a wet spot and it smelled chemically. if you have a cat, you would know that this is where one would apply flea medications or other topical medications. we then hurried to the nearest veterinarian. our primary vet was not opened on sunday so we had to see a new vet that required a completely new examination. we had to shave his fur, give him a bath, flea meds, shots, probiotics, new food as his old bag was contaminated, etc. and the whole thing totaled up to \~$300. we also took an entire day to sterilized or destroyed basically everything that came into contact with our cat. if it was just the two of us, we wouldn’t have been this upset. but my bf’s dad is staying with us for a couple of months and he is arriving the next day, and if our carpeted home is infested, we would’ve been fucked. steven denied everything and said he had no idea how this could have happened. he was sure our cat would’ve never gotten fleas from his home or his cats. i sent steven a message over fb asking whether he had noticed any weird behaviors from our cat because he is much thinner. he didn’t look at my message. when confronted in person, steven also denied anything was ever wrong. whether my bf chooses to continue their friendship, that’s up to him to decide. but for me, i'd like to tell steven that i am done. my bf thinks that i can tell steven about how disappointed i am, but to say that my friendship with him is over is over-exaggerated. after all, steven did save us from having to spend a lot of money, but at the same time he really did such a shitty job that if i had known this was going to happen, i would have turned down his offer and just go straight to my parents. aita for wanting to end this bullshit of a friendship over my cat?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my bf and i had planned a small trip, and initially i had planned to leave our cat (ki) with my parents for the duration. our friend, steven, offered to look after ki as he also has 2 cats of his own. i thought steven saved us a lot of money, and my cat had been to his place before, so i was just genuinely glad that we had such a wonderful friend. my bf and i had also bought souvenirs, sent various postcards throughout our trip, and planned to take steven out to dinner to repay him for his time with our pet. when we came to pick up ki, i had noticed that my cat was acting very strange—he was super sluggish, visibly skinnier, and growled when i tried to pick him up. he was very low on energy and something was very off. but we were glad to have him back. however, within the first 5 minutes of driving, i was mortified when i inspected ki. every single time i pulled apart his fur, i saw fleas. he was so infested. i had 2 flea bites from just the 5 mins drive. the weird part was that behind his neck, there was a wet spot and it smelled chemically. if you have a cat, you would know that this is where one would apply flea medications or other topical medications. we then hurried to the nearest veterinarian. our primary vet was not opened on sunday so we had to see a new vet that required a completely new examination. we had to shave his fur, give him a bath, flea meds, shots, probiotics, new food as his old bag was contaminated, etc. and the whole thing totaled up to \~$300. we also took an entire day to sterilized or destroyed basically everything that came into contact with our cat. if it was just the two of us, we wouldn’t have been this upset. but my bf’s dad is staying with us for a couple of months and he is arriving the next day, and if our carpeted home is infested, we would’ve been fucked. steven denied everything and said he had no idea how this could have happened. he was sure our cat would’ve never gotten fleas from his home or his cats. i sent steven a message over fb asking whether he had noticed any weird behaviors from our cat because he is much thinner. he didn’t look at my message. when confronted in person, steven also denied anything was ever wrong. whether my bf chooses to continue their friendship, that’s up to him to decide. but for me, i'd like to tell steven that i am done. my bf thinks that i can tell steven about how disappointed i am, but to say that my friendship with him is over is over-exaggerated. after all, steven did save us from having to spend a lot of money, but at the same time he really did such a shitty job that if i had known this was going to happen, i would have turned down his offer and just go straight to my parents. aita for wanting to end this bullshit of a friendship over my cat? [/INST] nta i'd be pretty pissed off if someone did that to my cat and didn't own up to it. </s>
|
AITA for calling the animal control on my neighbors because their dogs are constantly barking?
|
i live in a county where the animal control thankfully isn't useless. around this time last year, my neighbors got a new dog. no big deal. i like animals in general. but the problem is, the dogs are constantly barking. like barking nonstop for 6 hours, not in few minute increments. i've talked to multiple neighbors and everyone i've talked to is annoyed as hell. a lot of them wfh so the dogs barking constantly like that doesn't help. we've tried to talk to those neighbors multiple times but it hasn't been fixed. eventually we started keeping track of when we talked to the neighbors and how long/when the dogs barked. the problem is they also barked very late at night and early in the morning too. animal control has been called few times. at first, i'm assuming they had to go through a process and try to talk to the owners first. then it got to the point that animal control threatening to take the dogs away. then eventually animal control finally took the dogs away last week, plus a lot of animals they've been hoarding.
now those neighbors are harassing everyone who was involved in it and calling everyone else assholes. aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vkg5t5/aita_for_calling_the_animal_control_on_my/
|
2022-06-25 14:25:49
|
nta, i suspect there was more than incessant barking taking place for animal control to take all the animals. they likely found abuse and/or neglect. way to protect the animals.
|
nta
and they were hoarding more animals? their animals got taken away because your neighbors are unfit owners. you basically gave the animals freedom.
|
as someone who has three dogs who bark a lot, if barking non-stop for six hours isn't hyperbole, then nta.
|
nta. animal hoarders need to be stopped, regardless of if they like it or not. it is in the best interest of all of the animals as well, not just the barking dogs or the neighbours irritated by the noise.
|
nta!!!!!! this is a huge quality of life issue, for the whole neighborhood, and for those dogs. while all dogs bark some of the time, no dog should bark all of the time (or for six hours straight). it’s a sign of stress or anxiety or frustration. you did right for yourself, your neighbors, and the dogs. the former owners can go pound sand, too.
|
nta - leaving a dog outside to bark for hours on end and hoarding animals? they didn't deserve to have any, but they will likely go ahead and get more animals.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live in a county where the animal control thankfully isn't useless. around this time last year, my neighbors got a new dog. no big deal. i like animals in general. but the problem is, the dogs are constantly barking. like barking nonstop for 6 hours, not in few minute increments. i've talked to multiple neighbors and everyone i've talked to is annoyed as hell. a lot of them wfh so the dogs barking constantly like that doesn't help. we've tried to talk to those neighbors multiple times but it hasn't been fixed. eventually we started keeping track of when we talked to the neighbors and how long/when the dogs barked. the problem is they also barked very late at night and early in the morning too. animal control has been called few times. at first, i'm assuming they had to go through a process and try to talk to the owners first. then it got to the point that animal control threatening to take the dogs away. then eventually animal control finally took the dogs away last week, plus a lot of animals they've been hoarding. now those neighbors are harassing everyone who was involved in it and calling everyone else assholes. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i live in a county where the animal control thankfully isn't useless. around this time last year, my neighbors got a new dog. no big deal. i like animals in general. but the problem is, the dogs are constantly barking. like barking nonstop for 6 hours, not in few minute increments. i've talked to multiple neighbors and everyone i've talked to is annoyed as hell. a lot of them wfh so the dogs barking constantly like that doesn't help. we've tried to talk to those neighbors multiple times but it hasn't been fixed. eventually we started keeping track of when we talked to the neighbors and how long/when the dogs barked. the problem is they also barked very late at night and early in the morning too. animal control has been called few times. at first, i'm assuming they had to go through a process and try to talk to the owners first. then it got to the point that animal control threatening to take the dogs away. then eventually animal control finally took the dogs away last week, plus a lot of animals they've been hoarding. now those neighbors are harassing everyone who was involved in it and calling everyone else assholes. aita? [/INST] nta, i suspect there was more than incessant barking taking place for animal control to take all the animals. they likely found abuse and/or neglect. way to protect the animals. </s>
|
AITA for telling my mom that she can't just invite people to my wedding?
|
a little back story- me (28f) and my mother (49f) have always had a rocky relationship. there is a big gap between my younger siblings and i (11 years) so i was always the built in babysitter, maid, chef, etc. literally so much so that my family joked and used to call me cinderella. my mom is very narcissistic and is very much "my way or no way" and thats how its been my entire life. i have spent my entire life walking on egg shells to not upset mother. i've never been able to tell her no for fear of the repercussions. however, my fiance is incredibly supportive, knows everything that i've been through and encourages me to put my foot down. we got engaged in 2020 and have been taking our time planning and putting money away because even if my mom could pay for it, i dont think i would let her. i havent completely cut her out of the planning process (yet). currently, shes not talking to me because i wont let her invite her friends to my wedding, its not just 1 friend. its 5 friends and their spouses. theyre all drunks. more recently, my mom included. everyone keeps telling me "if shes going to pay for their plates, then who cares" but i care. my wedding is not a free for all for her friends to get trashed for free. she has this one friend, we'll call her sue. sue is not a good person. shes just as narcissistic as my mother and loves to invite herself places. sue is ranting to literally everyone we know about how shes not invited and its bullshit because they have been friends for years but i can't stand her.
&#x200b;
edit to add: she is in no way contributing financially to this wedding. at all.
&#x200b;
so i guess... am i the asshole for finally putting my foot down after 28 years of bending over backwards for a woman who appreciates nothing and cares for no one but herself?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tflexs/aita_for_telling_my_mom_that_she_cant_just_invite/
|
2022-03-16 16:02:30
|
nta. you’re paying, your rules. end. and keep her cut out of the planning, you’ll be way less stressed.
|
nta - it’s your wedding. not your mothers. you shouldn’t have to be walking on eggshells on your special day. if she doesn’t want to help financially then she wasn’t ever doing it for you. only for her benefit so that she feels she has a “say” on how things go. narcissistic people thrive on just that little bit of power. if she chooses to not oblige by your rules then i would start no contact then and there.
|
nta. your mother can host her own party for her friends if she wants an occasion for them all to get dressed up and get wasted.
|
nta. this was like reading my life. i caved and let her to keep the peace. she invited her entire department of weirdos. then she spent her night telling them about how much she paid for the wedding. sploiler, she paid nothing.
|
easiest nta i have ever given. it's your wedding, not hers, no matter who's footing the bill. p
|
nta tell your mom she can invite anyone she wants to her wedding.
|
nta. i let my mom invite a couple people to my wedding (2-3) that i didn’t know but that’s because she and my dad were really helpful and i have a great relationship with them and the extra guests weren’t disruptive or rude people. if i was in your situation though i wouldn’t feel comfortable inviting her guests- especially that many who will get trashed and probably cause drama or a scene. she’s not paying for your wedding so she has no say in what you choose to do. word of advice- someone will always have an issue with what you chose to do at your wedding. weddings bring out the ugly and judgmental side in a lot of people and you’ll never be able to please everyone. plan your wedding to your tastes, make adjustments you feel comfortable with, and ignore the complainers.
|
nta. you may want to
|
nta. have security at the wedding.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a little back story- me (28f) and my mother (49f) have always had a rocky relationship. there is a big gap between my younger siblings and i (11 years) so i was always the built in babysitter, maid, chef, etc. literally so much so that my family joked and used to call me cinderella. my mom is very narcissistic and is very much "my way or no way" and thats how its been my entire life. i have spent my entire life walking on egg shells to not upset mother. i've never been able to tell her no for fear of the repercussions. however, my fiance is incredibly supportive, knows everything that i've been through and encourages me to put my foot down. we got engaged in 2020 and have been taking our time planning and putting money away because even if my mom could pay for it, i dont think i would let her. i havent completely cut her out of the planning process (yet). currently, shes not talking to me because i wont let her invite her friends to my wedding, its not just 1 friend. its 5 friends and their spouses. theyre all drunks. more recently, my mom included. everyone keeps telling me "if shes going to pay for their plates, then who cares" but i care. my wedding is not a free for all for her friends to get trashed for free. she has this one friend, we'll call her sue. sue is not a good person. shes just as narcissistic as my mother and loves to invite herself places. sue is ranting to literally everyone we know about how shes not invited and its bullshit because they have been friends for years but i can't stand her. &#x200b; edit to add: she is in no way contributing financially to this wedding. at all. &#x200b; so i guess... am i the asshole for finally putting my foot down after 28 years of bending over backwards for a woman who appreciates nothing and cares for no one but herself?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a little back story- me (28f) and my mother (49f) have always had a rocky relationship. there is a big gap between my younger siblings and i (11 years) so i was always the built in babysitter, maid, chef, etc. literally so much so that my family joked and used to call me cinderella. my mom is very narcissistic and is very much "my way or no way" and thats how its been my entire life. i have spent my entire life walking on egg shells to not upset mother. i've never been able to tell her no for fear of the repercussions. however, my fiance is incredibly supportive, knows everything that i've been through and encourages me to put my foot down. we got engaged in 2020 and have been taking our time planning and putting money away because even if my mom could pay for it, i dont think i would let her. i havent completely cut her out of the planning process (yet). currently, shes not talking to me because i wont let her invite her friends to my wedding, its not just 1 friend. its 5 friends and their spouses. theyre all drunks. more recently, my mom included. everyone keeps telling me "if shes going to pay for their plates, then who cares" but i care. my wedding is not a free for all for her friends to get trashed for free. she has this one friend, we'll call her sue. sue is not a good person. shes just as narcissistic as my mother and loves to invite herself places. sue is ranting to literally everyone we know about how shes not invited and its bullshit because they have been friends for years but i can't stand her. &#x200b; edit to add: she is in no way contributing financially to this wedding. at all. &#x200b; so i guess... am i the asshole for finally putting my foot down after 28 years of bending over backwards for a woman who appreciates nothing and cares for no one but herself? [/INST] nta. you’re paying, your rules. end. and keep her cut out of the planning, you’ll be way less stressed. </s>
|
AITA for telling my daughter her relationship wasn't real
|
so i, 41, am a single dad to a 15 year old daughter. she was recently in a relationship with another 15 year old and they dated for 8 months. he broke up with her almost a week ago and she's been upset every day since. she was telling her friend over the phone how much she was in love with him and it just seems ridiculous to me. i remember being in a relationship at 15 and it was the most pointless relationship yet. no love at all. how can you love someone in 8 months? i told her it wasn't a real relationship and she is going to have to move on because quite frankly i feel she's overreacting. she's mad and keeps telling me not to talk to her. i spoke with a friend and he called me an asshole but i'm not so sure
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ie4fcj/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_her_relationship/
|
2020-08-21 20:17:49
|
yta. eight months is a long time. even if they weren't in love as *you* define it, how could you deny that they cared for each other in some way? losing a friend is hard, it can be devastating. you didn't feel love at 15, are you capable of it now? because you seem quite cold.
|
yta. big time.
1) just because your relationship at 15 was pointless doesn't mean everyone's is. my relationship at 15 may not have been "true" love but it sure was a foundation for learning how real relationships work... including the hard, sad parts.
2) why does she have to "get over it" for you? this is a huge pet peeve of mine because i have experience with this myself. please listen to this very carefully -- *children are allowed to experience emotions that you don't understand or approve of*. you think she's overreacting? she's required to meet your standards for when she's allowed to be upset and when she's not? why, because it makes you feel bad that she's upset? so you demand she control her emotions to make you feel better? she's a teenager. *that's what they do.* just because you think it's ridiculous doesn't magically make the feelings go away. being the parent doesn't make you the gatekeeper for when and how she's allowed to experience emotions.
actually i'm going to repeat that last one because it would have saved me years of distance from my own father if he had understood this:
**being the parent doesn't make you the gatekeeper for when and how she's allowed to experience emotions.**
|
yta
omg, please go right now and apologize to her profusely. just because you didn't feel romantic love at her age doesn't make it impossible. holy shit, the amount of emotional damage this could cause her is staggering, and you said it like it was nothing.
her feelings are valid. is she probably being overdramatic and not understanding that it will be okay, and probably a footnote in her romantic life, by the time she's your age? sure. that doesn't make her current pain and heartache any less real.
yta yta yta, go eat crow, apologize unequivocally, wait as long as it takes for her to forgive you, and then maybe treat her to something nice to cheer her up. you just poured napalm on the fire of her pain and you don't even realize it or seem much to care.
|
8 months is legit 4.5% of her life.
how old are you? 45? how would you feel after breaking up with someone you’d dated for 2 years? at least a little upset i’d image.
add to that, the teenage brain, hormones, and emotions are very different than adults. it feels very real to her.
quit being a judgmental birch and compassionately help your daughter through this life lesson.
|
yta
most adults in relationships for 8 months are in love.
teens emotions are crazy at that age.
you can't tell her it wasn't real, it was her first love.
you're an ass, apologize.
|
you can be right and an asshole at the same time. this is one of those times. yta.
|
yta- first relationships always feel real and like they’re going to be forever. 8 months is a good chunk of time for her to feel like it was something special. give her a break, comfort her. use kinder words.
|
yta
of course her relationship was real. her feelings were real. for goodness sake, arsehole, show a little compassion.
|
yta. to the fifteen year old, her eight month relationship is quite real. furthermore, even with adults some do fall fast and hard. you should be comforting her instead of admonishing her.
|
yta. just because it wasn't going to last doesn't mean the feelings weren't real. feelings aren't logical - nobody sits down and goes "well, it wouldn't make sense to fall in love right now, so i'm going to wait until we've been dating for a year."
i've absolutely mourned relationships that were only 6-8 months for longer than a *week*, and i'm in my 30s. if she's still having trouble coping in a month, then take her to a therapist to help her process better. but telling *anyone* the equivalent of "get over it, it's not like it mattered" has never made a single person in history feel better.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i, 41, am a single dad to a 15 year old daughter. she was recently in a relationship with another 15 year old and they dated for 8 months. he broke up with her almost a week ago and she's been upset every day since. she was telling her friend over the phone how much she was in love with him and it just seems ridiculous to me. i remember being in a relationship at 15 and it was the most pointless relationship yet. no love at all. how can you love someone in 8 months? i told her it wasn't a real relationship and she is going to have to move on because quite frankly i feel she's overreacting. she's mad and keeps telling me not to talk to her. i spoke with a friend and he called me an asshole but i'm not so sure
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i, 41, am a single dad to a 15 year old daughter. she was recently in a relationship with another 15 year old and they dated for 8 months. he broke up with her almost a week ago and she's been upset every day since. she was telling her friend over the phone how much she was in love with him and it just seems ridiculous to me. i remember being in a relationship at 15 and it was the most pointless relationship yet. no love at all. how can you love someone in 8 months? i told her it wasn't a real relationship and she is going to have to move on because quite frankly i feel she's overreacting. she's mad and keeps telling me not to talk to her. i spoke with a friend and he called me an asshole but i'm not so sure [/INST] yta. eight months is a long time. even if they weren't in love as *you* define it, how could you deny that they cared for each other in some way? losing a friend is hard, it can be devastating. you didn't feel love at 15, are you capable of it now? because you seem quite cold. </s>
|
AITA for wanting to change my daughter’s last name?
|
background: my daughter was always supposed to have both mine and her father’s last name. we discussed it at length and agreed. then she came. . . after three days of labor and three hours of pushing(natural birth) i was tired. the nurses came in with the paperwork right away. i made the mistake of trusting him to fill it out. well. . . he “forgot” to put my last name.
he decided to leave us and yes i say us because he decided that drugs and whores were more important than his family. he is no longer involved, doesn’t pay child support, doesn’t even bother to call her.
aita for wanting to change her last name to just mine now?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ifdcy6/aita_for_wanting_to_change_my_daughters_last_name/
|
2020-08-23 23:03:13
|
nta - at age 4, and she’s asking about it, just change it.
|
nta to want to change it, however if your daughter is old enough to understand that her name is being changed, you need to discuss it with her and take her opinions on this seriously.
|
yes it has always been an issue and before he left he said he would never sign the paperwork and if i filled he would fight me on it.
i can now afford to file the court paperwork ( i didn’t get approved for the low income discount) so i’ve had to save.
|
nta - you're not the a for wanting to change her last name. that's a valid desire, especially in this situation.
one caveat: depending on the age of your daughter, you can become t a by unilaterally changing her name without her consent.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: background: my daughter was always supposed to have both mine and her father’s last name. we discussed it at length and agreed. then she came. . . after three days of labor and three hours of pushing(natural birth) i was tired. the nurses came in with the paperwork right away. i made the mistake of trusting him to fill it out. well. . . he “forgot” to put my last name. he decided to leave us and yes i say us because he decided that drugs and whores were more important than his family. he is no longer involved, doesn’t pay child support, doesn’t even bother to call her. aita for wanting to change her last name to just mine now?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
background: my daughter was always supposed to have both mine and her father’s last name. we discussed it at length and agreed. then she came. . . after three days of labor and three hours of pushing(natural birth) i was tired. the nurses came in with the paperwork right away. i made the mistake of trusting him to fill it out. well. . . he “forgot” to put my last name. he decided to leave us and yes i say us because he decided that drugs and whores were more important than his family. he is no longer involved, doesn’t pay child support, doesn’t even bother to call her. aita for wanting to change her last name to just mine now? [/INST] nta - at age 4, and she’s asking about it, just change it. </s>
|
AITA for what I said to my ex wife
|
my ex wife has always strived to be the fun parent, the parent who excuses everything and turns a blind eye. she gets our daughter(16) on weekdays, i get weekends. over the course of the year, i've noticed our daughter putting on more and more weight.
i didn't say anything, i figured that was something she could recognize on her own. as time as gone on, she's gotten heavier and heavier to a point now where she's finding spurts of exercise tiresome and she's asking me more and more frequently for money for new clothes.
i called my ex wife and asked her if she was seeing what i was seeing and what she wants to do about it. my ex said that i was overreacting and that our daughter's weight isn't our business.
i told my ex that it was bullshit that she can label my concerns as overreacting and told her she was delusional for saying that her health isn't our business.
she called me an ah and hung up.
aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yx5hnh/aita_for_what_i_said_to_my_ex_wife/
|
2022-11-16 20:38:54
|
nta. your ex sounds like just a flat out lazy parent who believes that by doing nothing she's helping your daughter. if your daughter is frequently outgrowing clothes and struggles with just tiny bits of exercise, you should both be worried
|
info: has your daughter's behavior changed over the past year? was she more active before, and now she's not? how is her mental health? is she stressed at school?
i ask because there could be several reasons for your daughter's weight gain- her body could just be going through a weird growth spurt. she could be eating her feelings as a result of stress. she could have something else going on in her life so she's less active than she has been in the past. maybe she's just going to be on the heavier side as an adult and she's just going through a part of puberty where her body fills out to a more adult size.
whatever is causing this issue, *do not frame your discussion with your daughter around her size*. have her join you on the weekends in more active activities. cook wholesome foods while she's with you. encourage and foster a relationship where she can come to you to talk about hard stuff in her life. if you're concerned about her health, take her to a checkup so her doctor can evaluate her.
if you approach this with your daughter as "hey, you're getting fat", even if you try to hide it behind the dog-whistle of "but your *health",* it's going to destroy her self-esteem and those words will ring in her ears for the rest of her life.
|
do you have the ability to make doctor appts for her? if so, stop arguing with your ex, make an appt for your daughter and find out if there is a medical reason for the growth (physical, mental, and/or emotional). don't let it get to a point where it starts hindering her further.
nta
|
nta. you stated a reasonable concern, in a reasonable way.
|
nta. your concern sounds well-placed, and you're not engaging in body shaming. your ex could at least have the decency to discuss it with you. if new clothes are more frequently needed because the old ones don't fit, there could be a medical, nutritional, or other issue. or maybe not. but as the parent it's worth asking those questions to find out if there's anything going on that needs to be addressed.
|
nta for bringing up a legitimate concern about your daughter's health with the other parent. it *is* your business and pretending it's not is only doing her a disservice if she really needs help and it's just ignored.
granted it could be just her growing up. does she seemed depressed or excessively eating?
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my ex wife has always strived to be the fun parent, the parent who excuses everything and turns a blind eye. she gets our daughter(16) on weekdays, i get weekends. over the course of the year, i've noticed our daughter putting on more and more weight. i didn't say anything, i figured that was something she could recognize on her own. as time as gone on, she's gotten heavier and heavier to a point now where she's finding spurts of exercise tiresome and she's asking me more and more frequently for money for new clothes. i called my ex wife and asked her if she was seeing what i was seeing and what she wants to do about it. my ex said that i was overreacting and that our daughter's weight isn't our business. i told my ex that it was bullshit that she can label my concerns as overreacting and told her she was delusional for saying that her health isn't our business. she called me an ah and hung up. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my ex wife has always strived to be the fun parent, the parent who excuses everything and turns a blind eye. she gets our daughter(16) on weekdays, i get weekends. over the course of the year, i've noticed our daughter putting on more and more weight. i didn't say anything, i figured that was something she could recognize on her own. as time as gone on, she's gotten heavier and heavier to a point now where she's finding spurts of exercise tiresome and she's asking me more and more frequently for money for new clothes. i called my ex wife and asked her if she was seeing what i was seeing and what she wants to do about it. my ex said that i was overreacting and that our daughter's weight isn't our business. i told my ex that it was bullshit that she can label my concerns as overreacting and told her she was delusional for saying that her health isn't our business. she called me an ah and hung up. aita? [/INST] nta. your ex sounds like just a flat out lazy parent who believes that by doing nothing she's helping your daughter. if your daughter is frequently outgrowing clothes and struggles with just tiny bits of exercise, you should both be worried </s>
|
AITA for turning down a "well-endowed" woman?
|
throwaway since close friends know my main.
brief sidenote: i've always preferred more boyish-looking women, e.g tall, smaller breasts, short hair, etc. now, onto the story.
my ex-gf and i recently seperated, and i decided to try blind dating. i started chatting with this woman - she was great: funny, snarky, a bit sarcastic, and just overall a blast to talk to. we agreed to meet at this local italian place about halfway between us. i turned up, and well, she was very "womanly" let's say. we talked for a bit, ate, and at the end of the date she asked if i'd like to meet up again.
her: so, when's next time?
me: er, about that.... sorry, but i don't really know if i'd like that.
her: what? why not?
me: well, how do i put this... you've got a nice personality but you're a bit too well-off in the chest area.
her: are you calling me fat?
i tried to explain that no, i didn't mean that at all, i just prefer smaller breasts when she storms off, leaving me alone with the bill. i felt like a right dick at that point, so i just paid and left. when i told my sister about this, she got pissed and started telling me i was really rude and should apologise, but i think although i was a tad rude, paying for her food was more than enough of an apology, especially since she didn't even give me a chance to explain myself.
so, reddit, aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b7arzf/aita_for_turning_down_a_wellendowed_woman/
|
2019-03-30 12:33:41
|
yta
all you had to do was say that you had a nice time, but you didn't think you were compatible. there was zero need for you to make comments about your thoughts on her body.
|
yta. you could have just told her that you didn't feel the two of you connected. making this depend on her chest size is fine for you, but what is the benefit of telling her?
|
yta.
when i clicked on your post i was all ready to give you the nta disclosure because you’re entitled to your sexual preferences.
however.
dude, wtf were you thinking? it’s entirely fine to not want a second date with someone because you don’t find them attractive but how hard is it to tell a fucking white lie? something like “i’m sorry, i just don’t feel a romantic connection with you.” not “sorry don’t like your boobs, no second date thanks.”
you said you felt like the asshole and that’s because that was your conscience screaming it in your ear.
for god sakes man learn some *tact*.
|
yta.
she can’t control that part of her. no woman can without surgical intervention so it’s completely unfair of you to comment about it, she didn’t choose them or your preferences. yet you forced it on her and made her feel presumably terrible for something she can’t control.
you’re a dick, especially for thinking that because you paid for something evens it out. pathetic.
|
yta
your comment was more than a "tad rude."
how would you have felt is she had looked at your crotch and said, "i don't really like guys with small dicks"?
|
yta but not due to your attraction preferences - there are a million ways to demur over not seeing each other again, or to leave and "make plans later" and then say you're not interested in a less fraught situation. even if you felt the need to be honest in the moment your wording was not ideal either.
|
yta. any time you ever are asked for a 2nd date you're not interested in, just say "you know, you seem great, but i just didn't really feel a spark. " that's it. that's all you ever have to say. only if they keep pushing can you say something (for example, "i don't like that you keep pushing because it is rude"), and even then never tell the person that it's their freakin' appearance! especially if it's something beyond their control.
|
shp.
online dating *with zero photos*? a guy with very specific, inflexible physical preferences doing online dating *with zero photos*? sit-down dinner as the first date with someone you met online *with zero photos*? did this story happen in 1965?
|
yta
if it’s not something she can change in 3 minutes or less, don’t comment on it. not cool.
|
yta.
yeah, like others have said, you could've just left it as "i'm sorry, you're just not my type."
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway since close friends know my main. brief sidenote: i've always preferred more boyish-looking women, e.g tall, smaller breasts, short hair, etc. now, onto the story. my ex-gf and i recently seperated, and i decided to try blind dating. i started chatting with this woman - she was great: funny, snarky, a bit sarcastic, and just overall a blast to talk to. we agreed to meet at this local italian place about halfway between us. i turned up, and well, she was very "womanly" let's say. we talked for a bit, ate, and at the end of the date she asked if i'd like to meet up again. her: so, when's next time? me: er, about that.... sorry, but i don't really know if i'd like that. her: what? why not? me: well, how do i put this... you've got a nice personality but you're a bit too well-off in the chest area. her: are you calling me fat? i tried to explain that no, i didn't mean that at all, i just prefer smaller breasts when she storms off, leaving me alone with the bill. i felt like a right dick at that point, so i just paid and left. when i told my sister about this, she got pissed and started telling me i was really rude and should apologise, but i think although i was a tad rude, paying for her food was more than enough of an apology, especially since she didn't even give me a chance to explain myself. so, reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway since close friends know my main. brief sidenote: i've always preferred more boyish-looking women, e.g tall, smaller breasts, short hair, etc. now, onto the story. my ex-gf and i recently seperated, and i decided to try blind dating. i started chatting with this woman - she was great: funny, snarky, a bit sarcastic, and just overall a blast to talk to. we agreed to meet at this local italian place about halfway between us. i turned up, and well, she was very "womanly" let's say. we talked for a bit, ate, and at the end of the date she asked if i'd like to meet up again. her: so, when's next time? me: er, about that.... sorry, but i don't really know if i'd like that. her: what? why not? me: well, how do i put this... you've got a nice personality but you're a bit too well-off in the chest area. her: are you calling me fat? i tried to explain that no, i didn't mean that at all, i just prefer smaller breasts when she storms off, leaving me alone with the bill. i felt like a right dick at that point, so i just paid and left. when i told my sister about this, she got pissed and started telling me i was really rude and should apologise, but i think although i was a tad rude, paying for her food was more than enough of an apology, especially since she didn't even give me a chance to explain myself. so, reddit, aita? [/INST] yta all you had to do was say that you had a nice time, but you didn't think you were compatible. there was zero need for you to make comments about your thoughts on her body. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting the dog my family forced on me
|
i finally talked my family into letting me get a dog. so for my 24th birthday my mom got me a (f) golden doodle puppy. i woke up early to train her before i would leave for nursing school, i had rules so that they wouldn’t start bad behaviors, and paid for everything for her. she was my best friend and would actually shake her head and respond when you’d talk to her. well fast forward 1.5 years me graduating from school and starting my job. my second week my dad came home and let the dog out and forgot to call her right back in. he apparently sat down to watch tv and didn’t think anything about it. my dog got hit by a car. and no one knew. a while later he got called back to work and went looking and found her in the road.
my mom was apparently distraught because my dogs was no longer here. and the house felt empty, since my dog wasn’t there to come greet us at the door and interact with us. she kept saying i should get another dog but i kept saying no i wasn’t ready. well 4 months later my mom shows up with a sheepadoodle. i say i don’t want him, and already expressed this. well her response is to tell me that he’s now a family dog that we will share the cost for. ( i’m paying for everything except treats and every other haircut.) i’m so over it. they won’t even brush/ bathe him. so anytime he needs a haircut the lady scolds me as if i’m neglecting him. i never even wanted him. i’m at work 13hrs a day 4x/week. i need help. even with trying to brush him when i’m free he’s matted.if he plays in the creek they laugh and say he’s dirty…
i went as far as to say i want to travel nurse, and the response i got was to ask what i’d do with my dog… that i didn’t ever ask for
tldr: my dog died. and my family tried to replace her against my advisement, and now won’t help.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/svfvc7/aita_for_not_wanting_the_dog_my_family_forced_on/
|
2022-02-18 11:37:40
|
nta, if you want to help that dog, rehome it.
|
nta. i understand why you didn't want it, but try to make it that the victim is not the dog. your parents were really irresponsible, so at least try to rehome it to a family that actually wants it.
|
nta it's your life, live it how you want to live it. if you want to travel nurse, the world needs more of those right now for sure.
they bought the dog and said it's a family dog. it's not your dog. you didn't ask for the dog, you made it clear you didn't want the dog, you didn't buy the dog. he's their responsibility. they need to step up to the plate.
i'm sorry about your first dog though, she sounds like she was an awesome best friend.
|
nta. re-home the dog. it doesn't deserve neglect.
|
nta
&#x200b;
you are fine to refuse to pay for your mom'd new dog - and you should stop.
&#x200b;
mayybe it is high time to move out, and leave the dogs with your parents.
|
nta
contact local rescues and ask for assistance on rehoming the dog.
|
maybe just move out sounds like it's about time anyway
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i finally talked my family into letting me get a dog. so for my 24th birthday my mom got me a (f) golden doodle puppy. i woke up early to train her before i would leave for nursing school, i had rules so that they wouldn’t start bad behaviors, and paid for everything for her. she was my best friend and would actually shake her head and respond when you’d talk to her. well fast forward 1.5 years me graduating from school and starting my job. my second week my dad came home and let the dog out and forgot to call her right back in. he apparently sat down to watch tv and didn’t think anything about it. my dog got hit by a car. and no one knew. a while later he got called back to work and went looking and found her in the road. my mom was apparently distraught because my dogs was no longer here. and the house felt empty, since my dog wasn’t there to come greet us at the door and interact with us. she kept saying i should get another dog but i kept saying no i wasn’t ready. well 4 months later my mom shows up with a sheepadoodle. i say i don’t want him, and already expressed this. well her response is to tell me that he’s now a family dog that we will share the cost for. ( i’m paying for everything except treats and every other haircut.) i’m so over it. they won’t even brush/ bathe him. so anytime he needs a haircut the lady scolds me as if i’m neglecting him. i never even wanted him. i’m at work 13hrs a day 4x/week. i need help. even with trying to brush him when i’m free he’s matted.if he plays in the creek they laugh and say he’s dirty… i went as far as to say i want to travel nurse, and the response i got was to ask what i’d do with my dog… that i didn’t ever ask for tldr: my dog died. and my family tried to replace her against my advisement, and now won’t help.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i finally talked my family into letting me get a dog. so for my 24th birthday my mom got me a (f) golden doodle puppy. i woke up early to train her before i would leave for nursing school, i had rules so that they wouldn’t start bad behaviors, and paid for everything for her. she was my best friend and would actually shake her head and respond when you’d talk to her. well fast forward 1.5 years me graduating from school and starting my job. my second week my dad came home and let the dog out and forgot to call her right back in. he apparently sat down to watch tv and didn’t think anything about it. my dog got hit by a car. and no one knew. a while later he got called back to work and went looking and found her in the road. my mom was apparently distraught because my dogs was no longer here. and the house felt empty, since my dog wasn’t there to come greet us at the door and interact with us. she kept saying i should get another dog but i kept saying no i wasn’t ready. well 4 months later my mom shows up with a sheepadoodle. i say i don’t want him, and already expressed this. well her response is to tell me that he’s now a family dog that we will share the cost for. ( i’m paying for everything except treats and every other haircut.) i’m so over it. they won’t even brush/ bathe him. so anytime he needs a haircut the lady scolds me as if i’m neglecting him. i never even wanted him. i’m at work 13hrs a day 4x/week. i need help. even with trying to brush him when i’m free he’s matted.if he plays in the creek they laugh and say he’s dirty… i went as far as to say i want to travel nurse, and the response i got was to ask what i’d do with my dog… that i didn’t ever ask for tldr: my dog died. and my family tried to replace her against my advisement, and now won’t help. [/INST] nta, if you want to help that dog, rehome it. </s>
|
AITA for not eating what my mother-in-law cooks for us?
|
throw-away account.
i'm a 30m living with my 28f wife. my mil has fallen on hard times, we had a spare bedroom and agreed that she could stay with us.
i don't really want to get into the dynamics of all of our relationships, sometimes things are good, sometimes we want to be left alone, sometimes things are aggravating. she doesn't work, but sometimes she gets a bit of money here and there that she gives us. i'd say about 100usd a month. i believe she cooks and cleans as a way to show appreciation, but i never tell her to cook or clean anything and i always help when i can. i'm 30, not 3. i know how to take care of myself.
my mil does homecookin' type meals. fried chicken, potatoes, pork chops, velveeta mac and cheese, potatoes, bacon, potatoes, i've probably bought more butter in the first month she was here than i have in my entire life. she does these meals without much of our input and every meal is 1 main course and 4 sides. every evening. this means i'm now eating this for lunch every day too because she makes too much and i really hate waste. with all that said, the food is tasty, but not really the types of food i eat.
i have high bloodpreasure. i am medicated for it, but these foods and the quantity isn't doing me any favors. she was out with her son for several days and i had a killer meal plan while she was out. every meal, breakfast, lunch, dinner was delicious and healthy. was really looking forward to continuing this when she got back. but first thing this morning, huge sausage patties, bacon, a ton of eggs, and six slices of buttered toast. she poked in the master bedroom to tell us breakfast was ready. i refused to eat it. i didn't really say anything or make a show about it, but i ignored the food that was on the table. i feel like she was insulted. she started talking about how i need to eat, how she cooked this lovely meal for us, and how i'm just wasting food.
we've told her multiple times before to ask us before cooking breakfast. now, i got about 3 eggs, 3 pieces of toast, 2 serving sizes of sausage and 3 strips of bacon that are going to waste because i'm not going to eat it. my wife is exceptionally picky on leftovers. i don't think i've ever seen my mil eat leftovers ever. and i don't really want the bacon, sausage, or toast, but would eat some eggs if i knew there wasn't a heaping scoop of butter in them. to add insult to injury, i did cook my own breakfast after i worked out.
so, aita for not eating what my mil cooked for me?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bswjqc/aita_for_not_eating_what_my_motherinlaw_cooks_for/
|
2019-05-25 16:39:46
|
nah - like you said, its tasty but very unhealthy. especially since you have hbp, she should respect that you are taking care of yourself (good on you btw, very respectable). maybe the two of you can get together to cook some healthier meals.
**edited to say nah instead of nta. never considered mil ta but forgot about the nah option!
|
nah sounds like you just need to have a conversation, maybe try to get everyone in the house involved in meal planning for the week so that there are no surprises. you have a health problem that requires a healthy diet and she's trying to pull her weight by cooking, no assholery involved.
|
have you explained your dietary needs to her? i feel like that would save so much frustration and confusion in what appears to be an already tense relationship.
|
no a-holes here
you have medication to worry about and like you said it isnt helping you that she is cooking tons of food which you will eat or you could feel guilty for the waste. your not a asshole but neither is you mil.
your mil is just trying to show her respect and appreciation for you letting her stay by you. you should talk to her about your medical situation and maybe you two can cook together so you can help her understand what you eat so that way she doesnt waste any food but still shows her appreciation cause she will show it one way or another.
|
nah. it seems like your mil is very grateful and wants to spoil you by creating fancy meals for you and your wife. you need a more sustainable diet. soooo
it does sound like you and her get along just fine otherwise, so just sit down and talk with her. i’m guessing that she feels like she needs to “earn her keep” so that she’s not a burden, and really doesn’t have a lot of other things to occupy her time. would she be open to you bringing a recipe to her that she could try?
| null | null | null | null | null |
NAH
|
NAH
| null | null |
NAH
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throw-away account. i'm a 30m living with my 28f wife. my mil has fallen on hard times, we had a spare bedroom and agreed that she could stay with us. i don't really want to get into the dynamics of all of our relationships, sometimes things are good, sometimes we want to be left alone, sometimes things are aggravating. she doesn't work, but sometimes she gets a bit of money here and there that she gives us. i'd say about 100usd a month. i believe she cooks and cleans as a way to show appreciation, but i never tell her to cook or clean anything and i always help when i can. i'm 30, not 3. i know how to take care of myself. my mil does homecookin' type meals. fried chicken, potatoes, pork chops, velveeta mac and cheese, potatoes, bacon, potatoes, i've probably bought more butter in the first month she was here than i have in my entire life. she does these meals without much of our input and every meal is 1 main course and 4 sides. every evening. this means i'm now eating this for lunch every day too because she makes too much and i really hate waste. with all that said, the food is tasty, but not really the types of food i eat. i have high bloodpreasure. i am medicated for it, but these foods and the quantity isn't doing me any favors. she was out with her son for several days and i had a killer meal plan while she was out. every meal, breakfast, lunch, dinner was delicious and healthy. was really looking forward to continuing this when she got back. but first thing this morning, huge sausage patties, bacon, a ton of eggs, and six slices of buttered toast. she poked in the master bedroom to tell us breakfast was ready. i refused to eat it. i didn't really say anything or make a show about it, but i ignored the food that was on the table. i feel like she was insulted. she started talking about how i need to eat, how she cooked this lovely meal for us, and how i'm just wasting food. we've told her multiple times before to ask us before cooking breakfast. now, i got about 3 eggs, 3 pieces of toast, 2 serving sizes of sausage and 3 strips of bacon that are going to waste because i'm not going to eat it. my wife is exceptionally picky on leftovers. i don't think i've ever seen my mil eat leftovers ever. and i don't really want the bacon, sausage, or toast, but would eat some eggs if i knew there wasn't a heaping scoop of butter in them. to add insult to injury, i did cook my own breakfast after i worked out. so, aita for not eating what my mil cooked for me?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throw-away account. i'm a 30m living with my 28f wife. my mil has fallen on hard times, we had a spare bedroom and agreed that she could stay with us. i don't really want to get into the dynamics of all of our relationships, sometimes things are good, sometimes we want to be left alone, sometimes things are aggravating. she doesn't work, but sometimes she gets a bit of money here and there that she gives us. i'd say about 100usd a month. i believe she cooks and cleans as a way to show appreciation, but i never tell her to cook or clean anything and i always help when i can. i'm 30, not 3. i know how to take care of myself. my mil does homecookin' type meals. fried chicken, potatoes, pork chops, velveeta mac and cheese, potatoes, bacon, potatoes, i've probably bought more butter in the first month she was here than i have in my entire life. she does these meals without much of our input and every meal is 1 main course and 4 sides. every evening. this means i'm now eating this for lunch every day too because she makes too much and i really hate waste. with all that said, the food is tasty, but not really the types of food i eat. i have high bloodpreasure. i am medicated for it, but these foods and the quantity isn't doing me any favors. she was out with her son for several days and i had a killer meal plan while she was out. every meal, breakfast, lunch, dinner was delicious and healthy. was really looking forward to continuing this when she got back. but first thing this morning, huge sausage patties, bacon, a ton of eggs, and six slices of buttered toast. she poked in the master bedroom to tell us breakfast was ready. i refused to eat it. i didn't really say anything or make a show about it, but i ignored the food that was on the table. i feel like she was insulted. she started talking about how i need to eat, how she cooked this lovely meal for us, and how i'm just wasting food. we've told her multiple times before to ask us before cooking breakfast. now, i got about 3 eggs, 3 pieces of toast, 2 serving sizes of sausage and 3 strips of bacon that are going to waste because i'm not going to eat it. my wife is exceptionally picky on leftovers. i don't think i've ever seen my mil eat leftovers ever. and i don't really want the bacon, sausage, or toast, but would eat some eggs if i knew there wasn't a heaping scoop of butter in them. to add insult to injury, i did cook my own breakfast after i worked out. so, aita for not eating what my mil cooked for me? [/INST] nah - like you said, its tasty but very unhealthy. especially since you have hbp, she should respect that you are taking care of yourself (good on you btw, very respectable). maybe the two of you can get together to cook some healthier meals. **edited to say nah instead of nta. never considered mil ta but forgot about the nah option! </s>
|
AITA by not wanting my mother's husband (my step father) to refer to my child as his granchild?
|
my mother is remarried to a guy that my brother, sister and i don't like. she's known how we feel about him pretty much their entire relationship. my brother has a 2 year old, a 6 month old, my sister has 1.5 year old twins, and i have a 1 year old. we refer to this guy by his name only, and make sure to correct anyone who thinks he's our father.
recently he asked if it bothers us that he calls all our children his grandchildren and we all said yes. yet he claims that since he's been around for 20 years we should just get over it. hell post on social media saying it, he'll send text messages saying it, and when i had my baby he was so quick to tell the nurse that he is such a proud grandfather. even in front of my father in law who is a legit grand father.
are we the asshole?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d56el2/aita_by_not_wanting_my_mothers_husband_my_step/
|
2019-09-16 20:47:45
|
info - why do you and your siblings not like him?
|
info. also nta. if you dont want your step father to call himself a grandfather to your kid thats fine. it's your choice. but does he act like a grandfather? just say, if you need a sitter for a few hours or a night, would he offer to take your kid and do you let him do the usual grandfather things?
|
info. kind of hard to decide unless you all have valid reasons for not liking this guy? i don't refer to my step dad as dad and call him by name but it seriously warms my heart that he considers my son his grandchild and treats him as such. more people to love your child isn't a problem.
|
nta. as someone who’s mom is about to marry another man i hate, i would never ever allow this. it disrespects my late father as this new man will never come close to earning the title.
|
nta and i can't believe how many are voting opposite. he's been told for every grandchild not to do it and there's no false pretense of any of you having a good relationship with him. your dad was and always will be their grandfather and the fact he ignores his own daughter and grandchildren and then steamrolls you guys is ridiculous.
|
nta. its your child. if you're uncomfortable with him calling your kids grandchildren then he needs to back off. if he's a shady as a couple if your comments make it sound though, he is never going to understand where you are coming from and why you feel that way.
|
nta given i'm replying after edit #2. his behavior crosses some serious boundaries, and the camera thing is creepy.
i'd actually recommend you not allow him to be around your kids when you're not there - if that means grandma has to quit babysitting, that's fine.
never leave the kids alone with him when for a few minutes.
he may just be a guy with poor hygiene and poor sense of boundaries, or he could be a guy who has ill intentions.
|
nta, it's not really expected to just call someone your father just because they have a relationship with your mother. if you don't like him for decent reasons then he's definitely in the wrong for constantly ignoring you and your siblings request when he has an actual grandchild of his own.
|
nta
every time he posts on social media- ask how his bio daughter and granddaughter are doing, and when he saw them last.
do the same in person.
better yet, tell your mother that you won’t let your kids be around an addict and have that behavior modeled for them. he is normalizing addiction for your kids. science says that will make them more likely to be addicts. period.
he is a risk and an entirely negative force, and the camera thing is confusing but sounds creepy af.
|
this is honestly hard to judge. i don’t have a step parent, but my spouse did. his sister hated the guy, and my spouse was neutral- just wanted his mom to be happy. sister had a baby, and mom wanted stepdad/granddad to be referred to as grandpa joe. sister refused.
when we had our own kid, my so felt caught between his sister and his mom.
i guess it depends on why you hate your stepdad. and it depends on whether he would be a reasonable grandparent figure to your child regardless of your feelings.
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.052378 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mother is remarried to a guy that my brother, sister and i don't like. she's known how we feel about him pretty much their entire relationship. my brother has a 2 year old, a 6 month old, my sister has 1.5 year old twins, and i have a 1 year old. we refer to this guy by his name only, and make sure to correct anyone who thinks he's our father. recently he asked if it bothers us that he calls all our children his grandchildren and we all said yes. yet he claims that since he's been around for 20 years we should just get over it. hell post on social media saying it, he'll send text messages saying it, and when i had my baby he was so quick to tell the nurse that he is such a proud grandfather. even in front of my father in law who is a legit grand father. are we the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mother is remarried to a guy that my brother, sister and i don't like. she's known how we feel about him pretty much their entire relationship. my brother has a 2 year old, a 6 month old, my sister has 1.5 year old twins, and i have a 1 year old. we refer to this guy by his name only, and make sure to correct anyone who thinks he's our father. recently he asked if it bothers us that he calls all our children his grandchildren and we all said yes. yet he claims that since he's been around for 20 years we should just get over it. hell post on social media saying it, he'll send text messages saying it, and when i had my baby he was so quick to tell the nurse that he is such a proud grandfather. even in front of my father in law who is a legit grand father. are we the asshole? [/INST] info - why do you and your siblings not like him? </s>
|
AITA for getting a tattoo as my parents help buy a house?
|
a bit of background: my parents have always had issue with the decisions i am making and where i choose to spend my money. even though i have no debts and am saving up a considerable amount on a monthly basis and live on myself.
i am 24, have stable income and a pretty happy life. the first question my mom asks when i buy something is: 'how much is it?' to which she rolls her eyes to the answer and makes a comment about that i am crazy.
i also have an arm full of tattoos, and my parents have called each of those ugly on multiple accounts. something i don't truly care about, as long as i like them it is fine.
que to me now, wanting to buy a house. they will financially help out here and i am incredibly grateful for the opportunity and that they are even willing to try.
they found out (well, i told them) that i am getting a new tattoo friday and their reaction was:
"we used to be happy we could buy this house together with you, but not anymore and we're not sure if we go through with it."
to which i replied that it is my body, my decisions.
to me the answer feels manipulative, using money to make decisions for someone else.
aita for drawing the line here?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nqhfnw/aita_for_getting_a_tattoo_as_my_parents_help_buy/
|
2021-06-02 09:02:35
|
yta. i get it, it's you body and your money and you can do with it as you please however if someone is helping you out with $$ to buy a house, i'm sure you could have held off on the tattoo until the house was sorted. look at it from your parents perspective, they are offering money to help you buy a house while you go and spend money elsewhere.
|
yta. if you're relying on your parents to help you buy a house, you can't afford unnecessary (and expensive) things like tattoos. i'd be rethinking lending you money too.
>to me the answer feels manipulative, using money to make decisions for someone else.
they're not "using money" to make you do anything. they're choosing how to spend *their money.*
|
it's not about your body but your wallet. you pretended to need help but had more money. yta
|
yta. imagine offering up your hard earned money to someone for a large purchase like a home and then they turn around and spend a few hundred dollars on a tattoo. i would feel like they had looked at my money as an opportunity to spend more of theirs and use mine for the house. not cool
|
yta
the financial decission to spend a lot og money on something else (presumably, tattoos can get expensive) while someone is helping you finance something like a house, that is just disrespectful. nothing against tattoos, i am tattooed myself, the timing is just not at all ok
|
info: what are we talking here on a scale of £25 "masterpiece" done by chad in his dads garage to a £900 genuine work of art by a seasoned professional?
yta, slightly. this seems like it could be more about the money. you're being a little tactless. €200 may not be a huge amount to some, but in the grand scheme, the odd €200 towards saving for a house can add up very fast. you're an adult and you need to get your priorities straight right now. but, it is your body and it is your money so you can do what you choose.
however.
you need to accept that the money they are offering to help you with is their money to do with what they choose. if they choose to no longer help you financially because they consider you being wreckless with your money instead of saving it, then you need to accept and respect that. it's not one rule for you and another for them.
its like playing poor to get your buddy to cover your meal for you then buying yourself a €10 pack of smokes right in front of them. it's not cool.
|
if you're so debt free and have savings, why are you depending on your parents to financially help you buy a house?
|
yta
you either need money or you don't. if you have money to blow on frivolous things you have no business expecting others to fund anything for you.
|
> to which i replied that it is my body, my decisions.
that's hardly the issue, is it? if you can't afford to buy a house on your own, you shouldn't be spending money on expensive unnecessary things.
|
so this is my first thread on reddit, so i don't know if i can edit my original post?
anyway!
thank you all for the comments and opinions! they've helped let me see things in perspective from both sides instead of just my own.
today i'll go have a good talk with my parents and i feel like this thread truly helped sort out my thoughts. thank you!
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| null |
YTA
| null | null | 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a bit of background: my parents have always had issue with the decisions i am making and where i choose to spend my money. even though i have no debts and am saving up a considerable amount on a monthly basis and live on myself. i am 24, have stable income and a pretty happy life. the first question my mom asks when i buy something is: 'how much is it?' to which she rolls her eyes to the answer and makes a comment about that i am crazy. i also have an arm full of tattoos, and my parents have called each of those ugly on multiple accounts. something i don't truly care about, as long as i like them it is fine. que to me now, wanting to buy a house. they will financially help out here and i am incredibly grateful for the opportunity and that they are even willing to try. they found out (well, i told them) that i am getting a new tattoo friday and their reaction was: "we used to be happy we could buy this house together with you, but not anymore and we're not sure if we go through with it." to which i replied that it is my body, my decisions. to me the answer feels manipulative, using money to make decisions for someone else. aita for drawing the line here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a bit of background: my parents have always had issue with the decisions i am making and where i choose to spend my money. even though i have no debts and am saving up a considerable amount on a monthly basis and live on myself. i am 24, have stable income and a pretty happy life. the first question my mom asks when i buy something is: 'how much is it?' to which she rolls her eyes to the answer and makes a comment about that i am crazy. i also have an arm full of tattoos, and my parents have called each of those ugly on multiple accounts. something i don't truly care about, as long as i like them it is fine. que to me now, wanting to buy a house. they will financially help out here and i am incredibly grateful for the opportunity and that they are even willing to try. they found out (well, i told them) that i am getting a new tattoo friday and their reaction was: "we used to be happy we could buy this house together with you, but not anymore and we're not sure if we go through with it." to which i replied that it is my body, my decisions. to me the answer feels manipulative, using money to make decisions for someone else. aita for drawing the line here? [/INST] yta. i get it, it's you body and your money and you can do with it as you please however if someone is helping you out with $$ to buy a house, i'm sure you could have held off on the tattoo until the house was sorted. look at it from your parents perspective, they are offering money to help you buy a house while you go and spend money elsewhere. </s>
|
AITA For telling my daughter her boyfriend is only allowed to sleep with her brother?
|
my daughter \[18f\] has been dating a guy (2 years older than her btw) for almost a year now. at first i was strictly against this relationship not only because of the obvious age gap but also because my daughter is still too young to be dating and because i want to pick the guy for her (not to be misunderstood with force relationship, i just want to be the one to introduce her to a guy i trust). after all the nagging coming from her and her mother i ended up agreeing to this relationship in the end but i still don’t really like the guy.
recently, her boyfriend had a massive dispute with his landlord and he had to give up the house. since renting is challenging where we live, my daughter asked us if her boyfriend could move here until he finds a place to sleep to which we agreed.
despite my nicest attempts to be understanding with them, they have already taken it too far. at night while we were preparing to sleep, i caught my daughter in the same room with her boyfriend getting ready for bed. i told her that if she wants her boyfriend to stay, she will need to switch rooms with her brother. this pissed her off and she told me that i should understand that since they are together it is normal for them to also "sleep" together. i replied by telling her that this is the only thing i am asking them to do and if they can’t even do this then he should get out. she ended up agreeing and we woke up my son and they switched rooms.
today my wife was very mad at me for this and she and her daughter haven’t been talking to me. i honestly don’t think i did anything wrong because i am literally doing what they want (i agreed to their relationship and for her boyfriend to move in here) and they can’t even listen to 1 single thing without having to get upset. aita here?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hyq831/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_her_boyfriend_is/
|
2020-07-27 11:03:24
|
yta. first, go with the times, mate. it's 2020. you don't get to choose a man for your daughter.
and yes, your daughter is 18, she is ready to start dating, and 2 years age gap is normal. it is also normal that they share a room. him moving in with you is not great (for him and your daughter, because you're ta) but times are tough. do your best to be understanding and allow things to happen or you'll risk splitting your family.
|
you're not the asshole for expecting her to follow rules in your house, that's fine.
>i want to pick the guy for her (not to be misunderstood as force relationship, i just want to be the one to introduce her to a guy i trust to)
but that is just about the most crazy thing i have ever heard. why would you have that expectation? it's so controlling and bizarre. leave your daughter alone and stop obsessing over her dating life, you're way out of line.
|
yta
so in general (and within reason) i would support homeowners deciding what happens under their roof, including not wanting their kids to be having sex in the house; but that should have been an agreement with your wife, and she clearly disagreed with you.
but let's focus on the biggest, reddest flag in your post.
> because my daughter is still too young to be dating and because i want to pick the guy for her
she is, by law, an adult. definitely old enough to decide if she wants to date. and she should not be restricted to your chosen pool of suitors. you don't get to control her that way. this is not your relationship to "agree" to.
|
info: do you know how gross you are? as in, "i spawned this child and as such i shall veto any important life decision or autonomity, even after she turns into a legal adult"
honestly, yta - i donät even know why your daughter puts up with you anymore.
|
yta.
your daughter is 18 which means she is legally an adult. she is thus allowed to choose her own relationships even if you do not like this guy.
and yes, your house, your rules - but this is nevertheless an asshole rule to make, forbidding two legal adults from sharing a room together. it‘s awkward and weird. imagine if your sister and her boyfriend/husband came to visit, would you separate them? do not infantilize your adult daughter.
|
>
|
in-fo did you tell them before he moved in what you expected the sleeping arrangement to be?
yta you didn't make it clear the expectation was for them to sleep in separate rooms. so you told them as they were getting ready to sleep and woke up your son and had them switch rooms.
|
yta for thinking she's doing anything wrong by seeing someone well within her range. age gap? hahahah.
|
yup, yta
would you have done the same if it was your son and his partner?
|
insanely controlling. yta.
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.074074 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter \[18f\] has been dating a guy (2 years older than her btw) for almost a year now. at first i was strictly against this relationship not only because of the obvious age gap but also because my daughter is still too young to be dating and because i want to pick the guy for her (not to be misunderstood with force relationship, i just want to be the one to introduce her to a guy i trust). after all the nagging coming from her and her mother i ended up agreeing to this relationship in the end but i still don’t really like the guy. recently, her boyfriend had a massive dispute with his landlord and he had to give up the house. since renting is challenging where we live, my daughter asked us if her boyfriend could move here until he finds a place to sleep to which we agreed. despite my nicest attempts to be understanding with them, they have already taken it too far. at night while we were preparing to sleep, i caught my daughter in the same room with her boyfriend getting ready for bed. i told her that if she wants her boyfriend to stay, she will need to switch rooms with her brother. this pissed her off and she told me that i should understand that since they are together it is normal for them to also "sleep" together. i replied by telling her that this is the only thing i am asking them to do and if they can’t even do this then he should get out. she ended up agreeing and we woke up my son and they switched rooms. today my wife was very mad at me for this and she and her daughter haven’t been talking to me. i honestly don’t think i did anything wrong because i am literally doing what they want (i agreed to their relationship and for her boyfriend to move in here) and they can’t even listen to 1 single thing without having to get upset. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter \[18f\] has been dating a guy (2 years older than her btw) for almost a year now. at first i was strictly against this relationship not only because of the obvious age gap but also because my daughter is still too young to be dating and because i want to pick the guy for her (not to be misunderstood with force relationship, i just want to be the one to introduce her to a guy i trust). after all the nagging coming from her and her mother i ended up agreeing to this relationship in the end but i still don’t really like the guy. recently, her boyfriend had a massive dispute with his landlord and he had to give up the house. since renting is challenging where we live, my daughter asked us if her boyfriend could move here until he finds a place to sleep to which we agreed. despite my nicest attempts to be understanding with them, they have already taken it too far. at night while we were preparing to sleep, i caught my daughter in the same room with her boyfriend getting ready for bed. i told her that if she wants her boyfriend to stay, she will need to switch rooms with her brother. this pissed her off and she told me that i should understand that since they are together it is normal for them to also "sleep" together. i replied by telling her that this is the only thing i am asking them to do and if they can’t even do this then he should get out. she ended up agreeing and we woke up my son and they switched rooms. today my wife was very mad at me for this and she and her daughter haven’t been talking to me. i honestly don’t think i did anything wrong because i am literally doing what they want (i agreed to their relationship and for her boyfriend to move in here) and they can’t even listen to 1 single thing without having to get upset. aita here? [/INST] yta. first, go with the times, mate. it's 2020. you don't get to choose a man for your daughter. and yes, your daughter is 18, she is ready to start dating, and 2 years age gap is normal. it is also normal that they share a room. him moving in with you is not great (for him and your daughter, because you're ta) but times are tough. do your best to be understanding and allow things to happen or you'll risk splitting your family. </s>
|
AITA for telling my daughter she has to transport our son to and from school?
|
my kids have been virtual all year, but will back on campus next year. my daughter (16) will be a senior and my son will be a sophomore. their school doesn’t have a bus, so my husband drives them to school in the morning and i pick them up on the way home from work. my daughter has a lot of anxiety and hasn’t gotten her license yet, though she has her permit and has completed drivers’ ed. she is getting more comfortable behind the wheel and we are doing a lot of practice.
our plan has been to get her a car and have her drive herself and her brother to and from school next year. it would be much more convenient for my husband’s and my work schedules to do this. she says this is an unfair expectation as he is an athlete and often has practice after school. we pointed out that she could get her homework done, etc. or hang out with friends. we also said that since she will have a car, she can always go somewhere else if she wants and then come back for him.
i suspect her annoyance is partly from her concerns about driving alone. i reminded her that she has about 6 months to increase her skills and confidence before this is an issue, but she is still saying it’s unfair to expect her to transport them both each day. we feel that a high school senior can take on this responsibility. if it matters, school is about a 20 minute drive from our house.
are we the assholes for asking her to drive them both to and from school next year?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lrkvfc/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_has_to_transport/
|
2021-02-24 19:14:15
|
yta. driving him to school is fine but you want her to stick around after while he's doing sports? she has her own life. arrange for him to carpool with a teammate or something.
|
yta. if your daughter doesn’t feel comfortable or confident to drive by herself, forcing her to drive herself and her brother to and from school won’t help. you didn’t ask, you’ve told her what’s happening. which is not the same thing.
|
yta. she could, and should drive him to school. but if he leaves later than she does (athletics or after school activity), you or your husband should pick him up. she is not his parent. you are.
|
yes yta, forcing children to do things they are uncomfortable with for your own convenience isn't cute, it's being a bad parent.
|
yta because it's not her responsibility to take care of your son it is yours. my mom made my sister drive me everywhere because i, like your daughter, had severe driving anxiety. i was not in therapy nor on medication and i had to practice a lot for a long time to feel remotely comfortable. it drove a huge wedge between me and my sister because suddenly her plans had to revolve around mine to accomodate for my schedule.
|
yta - your daughter isn’t a bus service
and if she doesn’t feel comfortable then she doesn’t
|
yta. she's a nervous and inexperienced driver, and so you want to make her responsible for transporting her brother? plus you're essentially putting her in the position that she has to give up anything she might want to do after school to become her brother's chauffeur. she has every right to be annoyed and pissed about this.
|
info: does your daughter really want to get her license or are you pushing it so she can drive herself to school?
|
yes, you are the ah. plus - what are the driving rules in your state? some states won't let beginner drivers drive minor children around unless an adult driver is present.
you just want your daughter to be your personal uber.
|
yta. driving is not something to be flippant about. if she is not comfortable alone on the road, she should not be driving.
also if they have different after school schedules she should not be forced to adjust her life to tailor to her brothers. that is unfair to her and only benefits you.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| null |
YTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my kids have been virtual all year, but will back on campus next year. my daughter (16) will be a senior and my son will be a sophomore. their school doesn’t have a bus, so my husband drives them to school in the morning and i pick them up on the way home from work. my daughter has a lot of anxiety and hasn’t gotten her license yet, though she has her permit and has completed drivers’ ed. she is getting more comfortable behind the wheel and we are doing a lot of practice. our plan has been to get her a car and have her drive herself and her brother to and from school next year. it would be much more convenient for my husband’s and my work schedules to do this. she says this is an unfair expectation as he is an athlete and often has practice after school. we pointed out that she could get her homework done, etc. or hang out with friends. we also said that since she will have a car, she can always go somewhere else if she wants and then come back for him. i suspect her annoyance is partly from her concerns about driving alone. i reminded her that she has about 6 months to increase her skills and confidence before this is an issue, but she is still saying it’s unfair to expect her to transport them both each day. we feel that a high school senior can take on this responsibility. if it matters, school is about a 20 minute drive from our house. are we the assholes for asking her to drive them both to and from school next year?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my kids have been virtual all year, but will back on campus next year. my daughter (16) will be a senior and my son will be a sophomore. their school doesn’t have a bus, so my husband drives them to school in the morning and i pick them up on the way home from work. my daughter has a lot of anxiety and hasn’t gotten her license yet, though she has her permit and has completed drivers’ ed. she is getting more comfortable behind the wheel and we are doing a lot of practice. our plan has been to get her a car and have her drive herself and her brother to and from school next year. it would be much more convenient for my husband’s and my work schedules to do this. she says this is an unfair expectation as he is an athlete and often has practice after school. we pointed out that she could get her homework done, etc. or hang out with friends. we also said that since she will have a car, she can always go somewhere else if she wants and then come back for him. i suspect her annoyance is partly from her concerns about driving alone. i reminded her that she has about 6 months to increase her skills and confidence before this is an issue, but she is still saying it’s unfair to expect her to transport them both each day. we feel that a high school senior can take on this responsibility. if it matters, school is about a 20 minute drive from our house. are we the assholes for asking her to drive them both to and from school next year? [/INST] yta. driving him to school is fine but you want her to stick around after while he's doing sports? she has her own life. arrange for him to carpool with a teammate or something. </s>
|
AITA for telling a friend of mine not to give my wife his business after she insulted me?
|
earlier this year my wife started her own design business. it has been a dream of hers for some time.
she automatically assumed i would help her with legal documents (drafting, review), but no big deal. i was happy to do it even though i already have a full time job that takes up a lot of my time and it required some extra research on my part.
because this was not my regular job, sometimes i had to put work for her on the back burner. any reasonable person should be able to understand this, i think, but not my wife. she felt entitled to be 1st priority even though i explained to her that i had to prioritize the job that was actually paying our bills, which only upset her more.
we had several argument about this, and during one of them she accused me of being lazy. she said that my job is easy and anyone could do it. i just didn't want to help her because i didn't believe in her, never mind that i'd been spending my free nights and weekends doing work for her. that upset me so i told her i was done. if she wanted someone to review her legal documents then she should find a local firm and hire them. that upset her too because her margins were already thin, so the extra expense didn't help. and she didn't mind letting me know how she felt about that decision.
a friend of mine was recently looking for someone to do some interior design work for him. he had already talked to my wife, but i told him that if i was in his position i would use someone more established and who wasn't a wreck 24/7 (basically told him about our fights and that based on how she'd treated me lately i questioned her mental fitness to do a project like his). he was surprised by that but decided to take my advice and go with someone else.
when my wife asked me to help her talk to him, i told her no because i'd already told him not to use her. this became another big fight, and we are still fighting about it.
she told me that this could have been a big step forward for her business and because of what i did it may mean she doesn't make it. i don't know if that is true or not, but i stand by my advice to him. she is an emotional wreck and in no frame of mind to help anyone.
aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hrgz9y/aita_for_telling_a_friend_of_mine_not_to_give_my/
|
2020-07-15 04:22:57
|
esh. jesus christ, just get a divorce already. unless your vows included making each other intentionally miserable 'till death do us part'.
|
esh you're trash talking your wife behind her back to your friend? classy. i don't condone her lack of understanding with the legal documents, and putting a giant burden on you, but i'd say you escalated it and you're the bigger asshole.
|
jesus, esh. this marriage is messed up. your wife is taking advantage of you and you want her to fail. do you guys even *like* each other?
|
just get a divorce for fucks sake
|
yta. it’s not that are you not being supportive, but you are *actively* badmouthing your wife to potential clients and telling them to take their business elsewhere. she’s trying to to start a professional business and you inserted your marital issues into the conversation and implied she was mentally unstable. wtaf dude.
|
[removed]
|
esh: get divorced. you clearly do not like her. why be with someone you don't like?
|
oh my god. you don’t even sound like you like each other, yet you are married?
she is 100% treating you like her personal servant, but you are telling people that they should not do business with your wife. you are literally preventing her from getting profit, and therefore preventing your partnership and marriage from extra earnings. definitely esh, but i feel like you are worse.
|
tomorrow on aita: i called my husband's boss and let him know he should probably reduce his responsibilities at work because he doesn't have enough time to help me with my business. hear me out here, i know that sounds crazy, but my husband decided to interfere with my business by telling clients not to work with me, so i think this is fair. am i am asshole...?
(esh obv)
|
esh you and your wife both have issues. she needs to get some understanding that the work she is wanting from you is a lot, hence why people hire other people to do it.
you should not have spoken about your wife like that to someone else, keep your issues inside the marriage. sort things out with her, don't assume her capability based on how she reacts around you.
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
| null |
YTA
| null |
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
| 0.031651 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: earlier this year my wife started her own design business. it has been a dream of hers for some time. she automatically assumed i would help her with legal documents (drafting, review), but no big deal. i was happy to do it even though i already have a full time job that takes up a lot of my time and it required some extra research on my part. because this was not my regular job, sometimes i had to put work for her on the back burner. any reasonable person should be able to understand this, i think, but not my wife. she felt entitled to be 1st priority even though i explained to her that i had to prioritize the job that was actually paying our bills, which only upset her more. we had several argument about this, and during one of them she accused me of being lazy. she said that my job is easy and anyone could do it. i just didn't want to help her because i didn't believe in her, never mind that i'd been spending my free nights and weekends doing work for her. that upset me so i told her i was done. if she wanted someone to review her legal documents then she should find a local firm and hire them. that upset her too because her margins were already thin, so the extra expense didn't help. and she didn't mind letting me know how she felt about that decision. a friend of mine was recently looking for someone to do some interior design work for him. he had already talked to my wife, but i told him that if i was in his position i would use someone more established and who wasn't a wreck 24/7 (basically told him about our fights and that based on how she'd treated me lately i questioned her mental fitness to do a project like his). he was surprised by that but decided to take my advice and go with someone else. when my wife asked me to help her talk to him, i told her no because i'd already told him not to use her. this became another big fight, and we are still fighting about it. she told me that this could have been a big step forward for her business and because of what i did it may mean she doesn't make it. i don't know if that is true or not, but i stand by my advice to him. she is an emotional wreck and in no frame of mind to help anyone. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
earlier this year my wife started her own design business. it has been a dream of hers for some time. she automatically assumed i would help her with legal documents (drafting, review), but no big deal. i was happy to do it even though i already have a full time job that takes up a lot of my time and it required some extra research on my part. because this was not my regular job, sometimes i had to put work for her on the back burner. any reasonable person should be able to understand this, i think, but not my wife. she felt entitled to be 1st priority even though i explained to her that i had to prioritize the job that was actually paying our bills, which only upset her more. we had several argument about this, and during one of them she accused me of being lazy. she said that my job is easy and anyone could do it. i just didn't want to help her because i didn't believe in her, never mind that i'd been spending my free nights and weekends doing work for her. that upset me so i told her i was done. if she wanted someone to review her legal documents then she should find a local firm and hire them. that upset her too because her margins were already thin, so the extra expense didn't help. and she didn't mind letting me know how she felt about that decision. a friend of mine was recently looking for someone to do some interior design work for him. he had already talked to my wife, but i told him that if i was in his position i would use someone more established and who wasn't a wreck 24/7 (basically told him about our fights and that based on how she'd treated me lately i questioned her mental fitness to do a project like his). he was surprised by that but decided to take my advice and go with someone else. when my wife asked me to help her talk to him, i told her no because i'd already told him not to use her. this became another big fight, and we are still fighting about it. she told me that this could have been a big step forward for her business and because of what i did it may mean she doesn't make it. i don't know if that is true or not, but i stand by my advice to him. she is an emotional wreck and in no frame of mind to help anyone. aita? [/INST] esh. jesus christ, just get a divorce already. unless your vows included making each other intentionally miserable 'till death do us part'. </s>
|
AITA: for giving my boyfriend a ultimatum between signing his step sister off the lease or He’ll have to move out?
|
my (23f) boyfriend (22m) have been dating for some time now. things are great between us. my boyfriends step sister -not blood- (26) hates me and made my boyfriends dad side of the family also hate me.
backstory: when me and my boyfriend started dating i told him the truth about how i use to have sugar daddy’s. (note: i never slept with any of these men. it was strictly dates to company them or i’ll send feet pictures and they’ll send me money.) it wasn’t my proudest moment but i was able to pay off certain debt i had at the time and keep a roof over my head at the time due to barely making money at work.
she found out from my latest partner i had (26m) before my boyfriend who was her friend. we had a sit down conversation and i was honest with her and told her that i indeed had sugar daddy’s but it was in the past and none of her concern since i talked about this with my boyfriend. she called me a prostitute and continued to belittle me even though she grew up privileged with both parents who were doctors. time past and they found out we were still dating and his step sister threatened to kick him out even though his name is also on the lease and for him to continue to pay rent. she always talks about how i’m a prostitute/whore/hoe or whatever other belittling names she’ll say about me and also accused me of slashing her tires (also taking the nugs off one of her wheel) even though the times her tires ever slashed i was 6hrs away in the middle of my trip with my friends and my boyfriend or with my family. he ended up moving in the middle of december with me since she found out. he still pays her rent even though he doesn’t live there. on feb 1st, she asked for rent which is $1125 each but in totally with electricity and internet it’s $1305. my boyfriend gave her only $1125 because he doesn’t live there to use electricity and he didn’t want the internet in the first place which is reasonable. she got extremely pissed and started accusing me again for slashing her tires even though i was at work! she also told their parents and his step mother (48) texted him calling him a piece of shit for “ruining her family” and it doesn’t make him a man for sleeping with a hoe (mind you, his step mom not father have yet to actually meet me and get to know me personally, they are just basing it off what his step sister told them) i told my boyfriend i understand that his family is his family and i’d never come between that but that he either needs to take his step sisters name off the lease so we can have a better relationship without the drama or im going to ask him to move out. he hasn’t talk about it since but his step mom and sister are really getting to me to the point i cry when getting intimate with him because i feel dirty about myself. aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/smlnl7/aita_for_giving_my_boyfriend_a_ultimatum_between/
|
2022-02-07 08:54:02
|
nta
you're not dirty, you're a genius. getting paid without having sex and only sending foot pics? i'm not a sugar baby but that has to be the dream.
you need to give him an ultimatum about the lease. there is no reason for his name to still be on it if the contract has passed.
|
nta but your bf is a huge problem if he doesn't shut their shit down.
|
nta.
i'm a sex worker, and the whorephobia is making me literally sick. i hate people like this. i'm so lucky my family knows what i do and doesn't judge me, but i also keep this job hidden from rental agencies and other people because not everyone is friendly towards sex workers.
i don't think taking her off the lease is worth it. i think you should live elsewhere, someplace she doesn't know about. people can be reaaaaaallly fucking nasty towards sex workers, and it's not uncommon for things to get out of hand in these situations. she's already trying to frame you for problems and she has no respect for you as a human being.
|
nta
&#x200b;
you are right.
&#x200b;
block his family's numbers, and give him one or two weeks to see how he decides.
|
nta - you don’t deserve to be bullied, harassed or anything at all. you came clean and he decided to have a relationship with you, that’s all that matters. his family (specially sister) are huge ah.
you did nothing wrong. i hope you find peace of mind soon.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (23f) boyfriend (22m) have been dating for some time now. things are great between us. my boyfriends step sister -not blood- (26) hates me and made my boyfriends dad side of the family also hate me. backstory: when me and my boyfriend started dating i told him the truth about how i use to have sugar daddy’s. (note: i never slept with any of these men. it was strictly dates to company them or i’ll send feet pictures and they’ll send me money.) it wasn’t my proudest moment but i was able to pay off certain debt i had at the time and keep a roof over my head at the time due to barely making money at work. she found out from my latest partner i had (26m) before my boyfriend who was her friend. we had a sit down conversation and i was honest with her and told her that i indeed had sugar daddy’s but it was in the past and none of her concern since i talked about this with my boyfriend. she called me a prostitute and continued to belittle me even though she grew up privileged with both parents who were doctors. time past and they found out we were still dating and his step sister threatened to kick him out even though his name is also on the lease and for him to continue to pay rent. she always talks about how i’m a prostitute/whore/hoe or whatever other belittling names she’ll say about me and also accused me of slashing her tires (also taking the nugs off one of her wheel) even though the times her tires ever slashed i was 6hrs away in the middle of my trip with my friends and my boyfriend or with my family. he ended up moving in the middle of december with me since she found out. he still pays her rent even though he doesn’t live there. on feb 1st, she asked for rent which is $1125 each but in totally with electricity and internet it’s $1305. my boyfriend gave her only $1125 because he doesn’t live there to use electricity and he didn’t want the internet in the first place which is reasonable. she got extremely pissed and started accusing me again for slashing her tires even though i was at work! she also told their parents and his step mother (48) texted him calling him a piece of shit for “ruining her family” and it doesn’t make him a man for sleeping with a hoe (mind you, his step mom not father have yet to actually meet me and get to know me personally, they are just basing it off what his step sister told them) i told my boyfriend i understand that his family is his family and i’d never come between that but that he either needs to take his step sisters name off the lease so we can have a better relationship without the drama or im going to ask him to move out. he hasn’t talk about it since but his step mom and sister are really getting to me to the point i cry when getting intimate with him because i feel dirty about myself. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (23f) boyfriend (22m) have been dating for some time now. things are great between us. my boyfriends step sister -not blood- (26) hates me and made my boyfriends dad side of the family also hate me. backstory: when me and my boyfriend started dating i told him the truth about how i use to have sugar daddy’s. (note: i never slept with any of these men. it was strictly dates to company them or i’ll send feet pictures and they’ll send me money.) it wasn’t my proudest moment but i was able to pay off certain debt i had at the time and keep a roof over my head at the time due to barely making money at work. she found out from my latest partner i had (26m) before my boyfriend who was her friend. we had a sit down conversation and i was honest with her and told her that i indeed had sugar daddy’s but it was in the past and none of her concern since i talked about this with my boyfriend. she called me a prostitute and continued to belittle me even though she grew up privileged with both parents who were doctors. time past and they found out we were still dating and his step sister threatened to kick him out even though his name is also on the lease and for him to continue to pay rent. she always talks about how i’m a prostitute/whore/hoe or whatever other belittling names she’ll say about me and also accused me of slashing her tires (also taking the nugs off one of her wheel) even though the times her tires ever slashed i was 6hrs away in the middle of my trip with my friends and my boyfriend or with my family. he ended up moving in the middle of december with me since she found out. he still pays her rent even though he doesn’t live there. on feb 1st, she asked for rent which is $1125 each but in totally with electricity and internet it’s $1305. my boyfriend gave her only $1125 because he doesn’t live there to use electricity and he didn’t want the internet in the first place which is reasonable. she got extremely pissed and started accusing me again for slashing her tires even though i was at work! she also told their parents and his step mother (48) texted him calling him a piece of shit for “ruining her family” and it doesn’t make him a man for sleeping with a hoe (mind you, his step mom not father have yet to actually meet me and get to know me personally, they are just basing it off what his step sister told them) i told my boyfriend i understand that his family is his family and i’d never come between that but that he either needs to take his step sisters name off the lease so we can have a better relationship without the drama or im going to ask him to move out. he hasn’t talk about it since but his step mom and sister are really getting to me to the point i cry when getting intimate with him because i feel dirty about myself. aita? [/INST] nta you're not dirty, you're a genius. getting paid without having sex and only sending foot pics? i'm not a sugar baby but that has to be the dream. you need to give him an ultimatum about the lease. there is no reason for his name to still be on it if the contract has passed. </s>
|
AITA for expecting my wife (who’s on maternity leave) to do more around the house?
|
my wife is currently on maternity leave to look after our 6 month old baby. i’m still working full time, but like many others i’m working from home.
this morning our 5 year old son wet the bed, so my wife asked me to strip the bed and put it in the washing machine.
i initially refused because i was about to start work and doing so would’ve made me late (admittedly, nobody at work would’ve noticed). in the end i decided to strip the bed, but couldn’t bite my tongue. i said that because she was on maternity leave, she should do more of the chores (not all of them, but certainly over half). i then said that being on maternity leave means she is technically a ‘housewife’ at the moment, which she took offence to.
for context, i do plenty of chores and help out with the kids, but i believe that most of these things should be her responsability at the moment.
aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j9u9b2/aita_for_expecting_my_wife_whos_on_maternity/
|
2020-10-12 16:36:12
|
yta. maternity leave is for taking care of a brand new infant, which is exhausting, while her body recovers from labor. it doesn't mean that you're suddenly no longer responsible for doing laundry when your kid wets the bed.
you say you 'help out with the kids' which tells me pretty much all i need to know about your attitude. you're not helping, you're parenting.
|
yta - her job is 24/7. chores etc is on top of that.. 100% yta. this is not the 50’s, it doesn’t work that way anymore
|
yta. she gave birth to your child. she’s taking care of two small children i’m betting 24/7 and she doesn’t get lunch breaks or coffee breaks or get to clock out at the end of the day like you do. i bet you wouldn’t want to switch places with her. just do your damn half of the chores and stop complaining. actually scratch that, you should be doing *more* than half because you’re actually working fewer hours than she is.
|
yta
she's not on maternity leave for the five year old, buddy. you're gonna have to pitch in.
i get work responsibilities, but this is an instance where nobody would notice if you took time to make sure your son was comfortable and your house was reasonably clean. why not help in that instance?
|
yta, 'basically a housewife' ' helping out' in your own house with your kids jebuz, are we still here where women are still seen as primary carers and y'all doing us a favour when you stop your child's bed smelling of pee.
|
yta. you could've just stripped the bed quick and gone to work. no reason to make a big deal of it and act like you're her employer. she's off work taking care of the baby. her being on mat leave isn't your "trump" card for getting out of tasks.
if you were absolutely going to be late, the correct response is "sorry! i'll be late but when i get home i'll pull it from the dryer and remake it." or something along those lines. not "youre the housewife and maid so you do it."
|
yta. she asked you to do a short task while she was dealing with something else. the 5 year old is your kid too, just so you know
|
wait, what? your wife is on maternity leave... from a different job? and while she's taking a break from that job -- six months after giving birth to your child -- you want her to work *more*? while her body is recovering from 9 months of pregnancy, at the same time she's breastfeeding and looking after your other child, your home and *you*?
complaining about what many would argue is a shared responsibility is *truly* the best you thought you could do for your life partner, the person you chose to share your life, your home and your children with? all because you didn't want to be a few minutes late when admittedly you didn't think anyone would notice?
yes, yta.
|
yta. ooooo this comment section should be good.
|
yta
maternity leave is for her to take care of the baby - not become your housewife.
also it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help with chores & childcare. you’re a parent too.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife is currently on maternity leave to look after our 6 month old baby. i’m still working full time, but like many others i’m working from home. this morning our 5 year old son wet the bed, so my wife asked me to strip the bed and put it in the washing machine. i initially refused because i was about to start work and doing so would’ve made me late (admittedly, nobody at work would’ve noticed). in the end i decided to strip the bed, but couldn’t bite my tongue. i said that because she was on maternity leave, she should do more of the chores (not all of them, but certainly over half). i then said that being on maternity leave means she is technically a ‘housewife’ at the moment, which she took offence to. for context, i do plenty of chores and help out with the kids, but i believe that most of these things should be her responsability at the moment. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife is currently on maternity leave to look after our 6 month old baby. i’m still working full time, but like many others i’m working from home. this morning our 5 year old son wet the bed, so my wife asked me to strip the bed and put it in the washing machine. i initially refused because i was about to start work and doing so would’ve made me late (admittedly, nobody at work would’ve noticed). in the end i decided to strip the bed, but couldn’t bite my tongue. i said that because she was on maternity leave, she should do more of the chores (not all of them, but certainly over half). i then said that being on maternity leave means she is technically a ‘housewife’ at the moment, which she took offence to. for context, i do plenty of chores and help out with the kids, but i believe that most of these things should be her responsability at the moment. aita? [/INST] yta. maternity leave is for taking care of a brand new infant, which is exhausting, while her body recovers from labor. it doesn't mean that you're suddenly no longer responsible for doing laundry when your kid wets the bed. you say you 'help out with the kids' which tells me pretty much all i need to know about your attitude. you're not helping, you're parenting. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to tell my mentally ill mother the exact time I take my bus in the morning?
|
i'm a 20-year-old woman living at home. my mother has bpd and an apparent symptom is that she always needs to know what i'm doing. 80% of our conversations are her asking me the exact time my bus is, which class i'm going to, whether the class is over, who i'm with, which train station i'm at, and so on. this causes me a great deal of stress and has often been bad for my social life, since i'll have to always send her texts including when i'm with friends or my phone will get bombarded with texts and calls.
in the morning, my mother insists on waking up at the same time i do and follows me around telling me what time it is and how much time i've left before my bus arrives, even though i always have my phone and/or several clocks laying around. she also often lies (consciously or not) about the time, saying it's 7:30 when it's 7:25, for example, in order to make me hurry. i have good grades and have never missed a class or an exam. the only reasons i'm late are reasons out of my control, like transportation issues (i live 1 and a half hour away from uni), or a couple of times staying in bed too long because i was physically and mentally exhausted, but it's only happened twice and i'm doing everything i can to avoid it.
today, my mother forced me to write down my whole timetable so she could always know which class i'm in. she has memory issues because of the meds she takes, so she never remembered before. then, she asked me the exact time my bus came every morning. i refused to tell her, hoping that way she wouldn't be able to follow me around and tell me how much time i've left. she told me i shouldn't count on her if i get sick or am in trouble from now on.
her constant micro-managing has taken a toll on my mental health, and i believe if i don't set boundaries right now, i'll never be able to get out of her influence. she can be an absolute delight and living with her has more upsides than downsides, but this specific part of her is ruining my life. am i the asshole?
edit : i had a talk with my mother where i told her how i feel. i'd done that several times beforehand, but now i could counter her argument that "everyone does it" (referring to the micro-managing). as always, her threats ended up being empty. we hugged and she said she would try to send me less messages. she refused to say anything about the bus, however. this has happened several times before (the whole "promising she'll try harder" thing), so we'll see if this time she actually holds onto that promise or not.
edit 2 : i just realized i made a mistake which might've caused some people to misunderstand what i said. i've always thought bpd was short for bipolar disorder, not borderline personality disorder. i'm sorry for realizing it so late, i was sleeping and only saw someone suggested a sub about borderline personality disorder a few minutes ago, which prompted me to do a google search.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bah5d1/aita_for_refusing_to_tell_my_mentally_ill_mother/
|
2019-04-07 15:06:21
|
nta, you have every right to set boundaries and just because your mother is ill doesn't mean she has the right to make you ill. i'd suggest a therapist not only for her but for yourself too.
|
nah, mostly because it sounds like your mother is very mentally unwell and needs more psychiatric attention. you should also probably move out.
|
nta -bpd is hard to deal with and setting reasonable boundaries is going to be a lot of work on your end, but something that you need to be able to push for. otherwise you will end up enabling your mother, and that’s not good for either of you. you need to live a normal life, which doesn’t include this level of control by your mother. honestly, even her having your schedule is a bit much. you’re going to need to be prepared to push back on her, often. and hopefully she is in treatment as well.
|
nta. i have bpd and boundaries are a huge issue for us. you have to be firm but kind, and repeat it early and often. she can and will adjust, as long as you're willing to help. you can't enable bad behavior.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0.003383 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a 20-year-old woman living at home. my mother has bpd and an apparent symptom is that she always needs to know what i'm doing. 80% of our conversations are her asking me the exact time my bus is, which class i'm going to, whether the class is over, who i'm with, which train station i'm at, and so on. this causes me a great deal of stress and has often been bad for my social life, since i'll have to always send her texts including when i'm with friends or my phone will get bombarded with texts and calls. in the morning, my mother insists on waking up at the same time i do and follows me around telling me what time it is and how much time i've left before my bus arrives, even though i always have my phone and/or several clocks laying around. she also often lies (consciously or not) about the time, saying it's 7:30 when it's 7:25, for example, in order to make me hurry. i have good grades and have never missed a class or an exam. the only reasons i'm late are reasons out of my control, like transportation issues (i live 1 and a half hour away from uni), or a couple of times staying in bed too long because i was physically and mentally exhausted, but it's only happened twice and i'm doing everything i can to avoid it. today, my mother forced me to write down my whole timetable so she could always know which class i'm in. she has memory issues because of the meds she takes, so she never remembered before. then, she asked me the exact time my bus came every morning. i refused to tell her, hoping that way she wouldn't be able to follow me around and tell me how much time i've left. she told me i shouldn't count on her if i get sick or am in trouble from now on. her constant micro-managing has taken a toll on my mental health, and i believe if i don't set boundaries right now, i'll never be able to get out of her influence. she can be an absolute delight and living with her has more upsides than downsides, but this specific part of her is ruining my life. am i the asshole? edit : i had a talk with my mother where i told her how i feel. i'd done that several times beforehand, but now i could counter her argument that "everyone does it" (referring to the micro-managing). as always, her threats ended up being empty. we hugged and she said she would try to send me less messages. she refused to say anything about the bus, however. this has happened several times before (the whole "promising she'll try harder" thing), so we'll see if this time she actually holds onto that promise or not. edit 2 : i just realized i made a mistake which might've caused some people to misunderstand what i said. i've always thought bpd was short for bipolar disorder, not borderline personality disorder. i'm sorry for realizing it so late, i was sleeping and only saw someone suggested a sub about borderline personality disorder a few minutes ago, which prompted me to do a google search.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm a 20-year-old woman living at home. my mother has bpd and an apparent symptom is that she always needs to know what i'm doing. 80% of our conversations are her asking me the exact time my bus is, which class i'm going to, whether the class is over, who i'm with, which train station i'm at, and so on. this causes me a great deal of stress and has often been bad for my social life, since i'll have to always send her texts including when i'm with friends or my phone will get bombarded with texts and calls. in the morning, my mother insists on waking up at the same time i do and follows me around telling me what time it is and how much time i've left before my bus arrives, even though i always have my phone and/or several clocks laying around. she also often lies (consciously or not) about the time, saying it's 7:30 when it's 7:25, for example, in order to make me hurry. i have good grades and have never missed a class or an exam. the only reasons i'm late are reasons out of my control, like transportation issues (i live 1 and a half hour away from uni), or a couple of times staying in bed too long because i was physically and mentally exhausted, but it's only happened twice and i'm doing everything i can to avoid it. today, my mother forced me to write down my whole timetable so she could always know which class i'm in. she has memory issues because of the meds she takes, so she never remembered before. then, she asked me the exact time my bus came every morning. i refused to tell her, hoping that way she wouldn't be able to follow me around and tell me how much time i've left. she told me i shouldn't count on her if i get sick or am in trouble from now on. her constant micro-managing has taken a toll on my mental health, and i believe if i don't set boundaries right now, i'll never be able to get out of her influence. she can be an absolute delight and living with her has more upsides than downsides, but this specific part of her is ruining my life. am i the asshole? edit : i had a talk with my mother where i told her how i feel. i'd done that several times beforehand, but now i could counter her argument that "everyone does it" (referring to the micro-managing). as always, her threats ended up being empty. we hugged and she said she would try to send me less messages. she refused to say anything about the bus, however. this has happened several times before (the whole "promising she'll try harder" thing), so we'll see if this time she actually holds onto that promise or not. edit 2 : i just realized i made a mistake which might've caused some people to misunderstand what i said. i've always thought bpd was short for bipolar disorder, not borderline personality disorder. i'm sorry for realizing it so late, i was sleeping and only saw someone suggested a sub about borderline personality disorder a few minutes ago, which prompted me to do a google search. [/INST] nta, you have every right to set boundaries and just because your mother is ill doesn't mean she has the right to make you ill. i'd suggest a therapist not only for her but for yourself too. </s>
|
AITA for wanting to leave my boyfriend for giving me an STI?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bccazh/aita_for_wanting_to_leave_my_boyfriend_for_giving/
|
2019-04-12 11:12:08
|
yta - wtf... " i pretty much gave him a lecture. i said it’s pretty irresponsible to trust .... " and then you follow up with " so we ended up having unprotected sex. " and you finish with " but i can’t help it but resent him. because i fucking told him "
you need to take a hard look into the mirror...
|
esh. you both had unprotected sex with partners who hadn’t been tested for stis. you were aware that he had unprotected sex with others and that condoms were necessary to protect against infection.
|
esh
he sucks for not getting tested before having sex with you. you aren't in any position to lecture him about unprotected sex and resent him for giving you an sti when you literally had unprotected sex with him knowing that he'd had unprotected sex with someone else before you. how could you lecture him about that and then do the exact same thing he did?
|
yta - if he hadn't told you about the unprotected sex, my judgment would be different. but he told you, you were fully aware of the risks - hell, you lectured him on them - and you still chose to have sex with him before he got tested. break up with him if you want to, but accept responsibility for your own actions.
|
yta
&#x200b;
> i said it’s pretty irresponsible to trust that she is having protected sex with everyone else she casually fucks, and also he could get her pregnant.
i mean it's really fucking shitty that you not only gave him a lecture but than decided to do the same thing with him and now resent him for your decision.
> i don’t want to judge people who are infected and i would hate to be judged for it in the future, but i can’t help it but resent him. because i fucking told him.
yea, you told him after the fact. was he supposed to retroactively unfuck someone?
&#x200b;
> and i’ve only had 3 partners in my life, and he’s the only one i’ve had sex without protection. so it has to be him
i mean that's untrue. he's absolutely 99% the most likely person. but it doesn't **have to** be him.
&#x200b;
for the record the situation sucks but there are so many stis and many of them are cureable and most of them are manageable/treatable with no issues. he did something stupid before you guys started dating and you did something stupid after you guys started dating. if you see yourself marrying this guy it sounds really fucking stupid to break up over a learning moment.
|
esh - he had unprotected sex with someone he shouldn't have. so did you.
|
yta purely because he told you that he had unprotected sex with a casual partner, and as a consenting adult you chose to have unprotected sex with him and now you feel he’s the only one to blame for your sti?
honestly, you full well knew the risks and your partner was very honest with you about his history. i think if you want to be mad at anyone, you should probably start with yourself.
and you’ve learned a very valuable lesson about not playing russian roulette with your lady bits - be responsible, if you’re going to have unprotected sex with a partner, you both need to present a clean bill of health first.
|
yta. you lectured him on how irresponsible it is, then proceeded to *do it yourself*. you're a massive hypocrite.
|
esh
knowing he’d had unprotected sex before you, you didn’t ask him to get tested before having unprotected sex with him yourself?
|
yta uuuum..wtf are you babbling about? you are not his mother, he's an adult and it's none of your business who or how he fucked before you two were in a committed relationship. get off your high horse by condoning your boyfriend for having unprotected sex when you yourself had unprotected sex with him without getting the both of you tested.
no need to put the blame on anyone here. this was a plain cause and effect, you fuck without a condom and without having tests before..then getting something from your partner is not unlikely.
you need to work on your resentment. not by putting the blame and the entire responsibility on your boyfriend, but by coming to terms with the misjudgment from your end and forgiving yourself and understanding that sometimes shit happens, all you can do is learn from it. luckily it's something curable.
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
| 0.009798 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] yta - wtf... " i pretty much gave him a lecture. i said it’s pretty irresponsible to trust .... " and then you follow up with " so we ended up having unprotected sex. " and you finish with " but i can’t help it but resent him. because i fucking told him " you need to take a hard look into the mirror... </s>
|
|
AITA for telling a parent to turn off their phone in the theatre?
|
i work as an usher for a west end show. a small part of my job is keeping an eye out for phones during the show. this is partially to make sure no one is filming, but also we ask for phones to be off at all times during the show as the light distracts everyone else in the audience who have paid a lot of money to be there, and potentially the actors if they're close enough to the stage.
on saturday night i had a woman in the front row of the dress circle go on her phone multiple times during the first act. if it was a very quick check on low brightness, then fine, but she kept on trying to text with the brightest on high so the light of the screen would be distracting everyone behind her.
every time i told her no phones, she would argue and say she was checking on her babysitter, and was getting increasingly annoyed when every time i firmly replied that she still needed to turn off her phone.
this got to the point where during the interval she asked to speak to the manager about it, saying i was being rude inconsiderate of her as a parent. i also ended up standing in the dark near the end of her row to make sure she kept it off (very common for ushers to do) which she said felt bullying and ruining her enjoyment.
i think i was in the right here. thirty years ago parents went to the theatre without being able to be contacted in the case of an emergency outside of ringing the theatre itself. if she was that concerned, she could have sat in the aisle seat at the very back and quietly left the auditorium if she needed to ring someone or answer a text. sitting in the front row and lighting up half the dress circle is rude and disrespectful to the audience and the actors.
most colleagues agreed that i was in the right as we sometimes have other customers complaining about other audience members being on their phones, but one did say that i should've been a bit more lenient because what if there had been an emergency.
aita for telling the mum to keep her phone off during a show?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qprq2l/aita_for_telling_a_parent_to_turn_off_their_phone/
|
2021-11-09 00:46:31
|
nta
do you not have security? she should have been ejected from the theatre at the earliest opportunity without distracting the performers, and if she refused to leave the police should have been called.
you allowed one person to ruin the experience for dozens of people, and perhaps some of the performers.
if i was a performer, i’d have pulled a katherine hepburn: “i’m not continuing until the person with the cell phone is gone.”
|
nta
she ruined that show for everyone around her with her phone.
if she had to text the sitter that much, she clearly didn’t trust the sitter and should have just stayed home with her kids herself.
i would have had her thrown out myself. she was bothering so many people and actors. plus, she wasted her money on a ticket to not even pay attention. how rude to the performers.
|
nta - after the second reminder, she should have been escorted out.
|
nta. i get that parents want to go to shows, too... but that doesn't give her the right to disturb the theater environment.
when i was a teacher we had a policy of no texting in class. students would constantly say that they were texting their parents. i'm like, that's noble of you and all, but you still can't do it in the middle of class. mom knows you're in class. she can call the school if there's an emergency.
|
nta. she is bothering everyone behind her. she definitely should have been kicked out.
|
nta
someone did that in the row i was in last week and it is really is distracting; you get sucked into the show, forgetting where you are and then some idiot pulls you out of the world the actors have created so they can check and reply to a text message.
parents should be more considerate of everyone else and also their own needs. if they don't feel they can go 15 mins without checking on the babysitter, then the theatre is not the best place for them to be.
|
nta. she was being inconsiderate to every other guest and it was literally your job to put a stop to it.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work as an usher for a west end show. a small part of my job is keeping an eye out for phones during the show. this is partially to make sure no one is filming, but also we ask for phones to be off at all times during the show as the light distracts everyone else in the audience who have paid a lot of money to be there, and potentially the actors if they're close enough to the stage. on saturday night i had a woman in the front row of the dress circle go on her phone multiple times during the first act. if it was a very quick check on low brightness, then fine, but she kept on trying to text with the brightest on high so the light of the screen would be distracting everyone behind her. every time i told her no phones, she would argue and say she was checking on her babysitter, and was getting increasingly annoyed when every time i firmly replied that she still needed to turn off her phone. this got to the point where during the interval she asked to speak to the manager about it, saying i was being rude inconsiderate of her as a parent. i also ended up standing in the dark near the end of her row to make sure she kept it off (very common for ushers to do) which she said felt bullying and ruining her enjoyment. i think i was in the right here. thirty years ago parents went to the theatre without being able to be contacted in the case of an emergency outside of ringing the theatre itself. if she was that concerned, she could have sat in the aisle seat at the very back and quietly left the auditorium if she needed to ring someone or answer a text. sitting in the front row and lighting up half the dress circle is rude and disrespectful to the audience and the actors. most colleagues agreed that i was in the right as we sometimes have other customers complaining about other audience members being on their phones, but one did say that i should've been a bit more lenient because what if there had been an emergency. aita for telling the mum to keep her phone off during a show?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i work as an usher for a west end show. a small part of my job is keeping an eye out for phones during the show. this is partially to make sure no one is filming, but also we ask for phones to be off at all times during the show as the light distracts everyone else in the audience who have paid a lot of money to be there, and potentially the actors if they're close enough to the stage. on saturday night i had a woman in the front row of the dress circle go on her phone multiple times during the first act. if it was a very quick check on low brightness, then fine, but she kept on trying to text with the brightest on high so the light of the screen would be distracting everyone behind her. every time i told her no phones, she would argue and say she was checking on her babysitter, and was getting increasingly annoyed when every time i firmly replied that she still needed to turn off her phone. this got to the point where during the interval she asked to speak to the manager about it, saying i was being rude inconsiderate of her as a parent. i also ended up standing in the dark near the end of her row to make sure she kept it off (very common for ushers to do) which she said felt bullying and ruining her enjoyment. i think i was in the right here. thirty years ago parents went to the theatre without being able to be contacted in the case of an emergency outside of ringing the theatre itself. if she was that concerned, she could have sat in the aisle seat at the very back and quietly left the auditorium if she needed to ring someone or answer a text. sitting in the front row and lighting up half the dress circle is rude and disrespectful to the audience and the actors. most colleagues agreed that i was in the right as we sometimes have other customers complaining about other audience members being on their phones, but one did say that i should've been a bit more lenient because what if there had been an emergency. aita for telling the mum to keep her phone off during a show? [/INST] nta do you not have security? she should have been ejected from the theatre at the earliest opportunity without distracting the performers, and if she refused to leave the police should have been called. you allowed one person to ruin the experience for dozens of people, and perhaps some of the performers. if i was a performer, i’d have pulled a katherine hepburn: “i’m not continuing until the person with the cell phone is gone.” </s>
|
WIBTA For Damaging the Relationship Between My Great Uncle and His Siblings?
|
i (18f) want to be a lawyer, just like my great uncle (early 60s), i'll call him oliver. when i told him he was so excited because i'm the only member of the family who want to follow in his footsteps. he's offered to let me intern at his firm and shadow him as i move through university. i'm super excited because oliver hinted that he might add me to his practice once i get through law school and join the bar.
here's were the story gets complicated. my late grandfather (john) was my oliver's older brother and they were very close. my uncle also has three other siblings, two sisters (alice and lily) (early 70s) and a brother (arthur) (late 60s) and two of them are not close with the other sister. alice is very close with my grandmother (married to my grandfather before he passed away), and the other two are distanced.
arthur and john had a fight that led to a feud, in which oliver has remained neutral. the fight was over an inheritance from greg (my great grandfather) of a machine shop and the family business that john was left, because he worked so hard and put in a lot of time there. arthur was angry because he wanted the shop and the fight escalated when my john got sick, (esophagus cancer). he decided to sell the shop to a person who put an offer in, after he asked all of his family members whether or not they wanted it. they all said no, but, after he sold it, it turns out that arthur's son in law would have bought it if asked.
the fight ended when john died two years ago, but lily and arthur are still bitter about what happened with the family business and the shop. lily never came to say goodbye and i was there when arthur came so say goodbye. john was dying and arthur didn't apologize or show any sympathy to my grandfather or my family.
after i made it clear that i really wanted to become a lawyer and oliver offered to let me shadow him, lily and arthur contacted him. accusing him of choosing john's side of the argument, by letting me intern. i really want the experience and am desperate to get into a practice as quickly as possible, but i don't want to cause a rift between the brothers and sister. they said that they would officially disown oliver, just as they did john and his one alice, if they hear that he let me shadow him. he contacted me and said that his offer still stands and that it will give me vital experience that will lead to a job directly out of law school.
i really want to take it, but if i do, then his relationship with his siblings will be permanently damaged.
wibta if i take him up on his offer?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o8y53i/wibta_for_damaging_the_relationship_between_my/
|
2021-06-27 14:29:33
|
nta. you are not damaging this relationship, his siblings are. i'd bet they've just been waiting for an excuse to cut him off too for not 'siding' with them. he said you can still do the internship, so do it. those two sound super toxic over something that's frankly trivial at this point.
|
nta. your great uncle seems perfectly willing to stand by the offer in spite of his siblings' threats. none of this is about you, it's all about a dead man that they can't fight anymore, and they aren't willing to let things die with him.
&#x200b;
you're not causing the rift. it was already there, and probably started when your great uncle decided to not take sides.
|
ywnbta and quit frankly it's none of your business. your uncle made the offer, your uncle reassured you the offer stands. it's his choice, his siblings...
|
nta - who exactly is supposed to intern from the family, if not you? is there another family member who wants to be a lawyer too, and who would have an earlier request in to your uncle to do the internship? if there isn’t anyone else (and you already said there isn’t ), that side of the family is trying to squash your prospects out of sheer cussedness.
also, this is between your uncle and his family members, and he’s the one who already said the offer stands, knowing what they are threatening. he’s already made that choice, it wouldn’t be on you.
|
info: why is it so bad if you join the practice? their family business is all done and settled isnt it? they're all just bitter about the past is what i understand. how would you joining change anything?
|
ywtah if you didn't take his offer! there is a way too big rivality between lawyer and every experience counts!
it's not your fault that sibling of your uncle are d*ck heads. so don't worry about it to much and as the cliché says *follow your dreams*.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (18f) want to be a lawyer, just like my great uncle (early 60s), i'll call him oliver. when i told him he was so excited because i'm the only member of the family who want to follow in his footsteps. he's offered to let me intern at his firm and shadow him as i move through university. i'm super excited because oliver hinted that he might add me to his practice once i get through law school and join the bar. here's were the story gets complicated. my late grandfather (john) was my oliver's older brother and they were very close. my uncle also has three other siblings, two sisters (alice and lily) (early 70s) and a brother (arthur) (late 60s) and two of them are not close with the other sister. alice is very close with my grandmother (married to my grandfather before he passed away), and the other two are distanced. arthur and john had a fight that led to a feud, in which oliver has remained neutral. the fight was over an inheritance from greg (my great grandfather) of a machine shop and the family business that john was left, because he worked so hard and put in a lot of time there. arthur was angry because he wanted the shop and the fight escalated when my john got sick, (esophagus cancer). he decided to sell the shop to a person who put an offer in, after he asked all of his family members whether or not they wanted it. they all said no, but, after he sold it, it turns out that arthur's son in law would have bought it if asked. the fight ended when john died two years ago, but lily and arthur are still bitter about what happened with the family business and the shop. lily never came to say goodbye and i was there when arthur came so say goodbye. john was dying and arthur didn't apologize or show any sympathy to my grandfather or my family. after i made it clear that i really wanted to become a lawyer and oliver offered to let me shadow him, lily and arthur contacted him. accusing him of choosing john's side of the argument, by letting me intern. i really want the experience and am desperate to get into a practice as quickly as possible, but i don't want to cause a rift between the brothers and sister. they said that they would officially disown oliver, just as they did john and his one alice, if they hear that he let me shadow him. he contacted me and said that his offer still stands and that it will give me vital experience that will lead to a job directly out of law school. i really want to take it, but if i do, then his relationship with his siblings will be permanently damaged. wibta if i take him up on his offer?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (18f) want to be a lawyer, just like my great uncle (early 60s), i'll call him oliver. when i told him he was so excited because i'm the only member of the family who want to follow in his footsteps. he's offered to let me intern at his firm and shadow him as i move through university. i'm super excited because oliver hinted that he might add me to his practice once i get through law school and join the bar. here's were the story gets complicated. my late grandfather (john) was my oliver's older brother and they were very close. my uncle also has three other siblings, two sisters (alice and lily) (early 70s) and a brother (arthur) (late 60s) and two of them are not close with the other sister. alice is very close with my grandmother (married to my grandfather before he passed away), and the other two are distanced. arthur and john had a fight that led to a feud, in which oliver has remained neutral. the fight was over an inheritance from greg (my great grandfather) of a machine shop and the family business that john was left, because he worked so hard and put in a lot of time there. arthur was angry because he wanted the shop and the fight escalated when my john got sick, (esophagus cancer). he decided to sell the shop to a person who put an offer in, after he asked all of his family members whether or not they wanted it. they all said no, but, after he sold it, it turns out that arthur's son in law would have bought it if asked. the fight ended when john died two years ago, but lily and arthur are still bitter about what happened with the family business and the shop. lily never came to say goodbye and i was there when arthur came so say goodbye. john was dying and arthur didn't apologize or show any sympathy to my grandfather or my family. after i made it clear that i really wanted to become a lawyer and oliver offered to let me shadow him, lily and arthur contacted him. accusing him of choosing john's side of the argument, by letting me intern. i really want the experience and am desperate to get into a practice as quickly as possible, but i don't want to cause a rift between the brothers and sister. they said that they would officially disown oliver, just as they did john and his one alice, if they hear that he let me shadow him. he contacted me and said that his offer still stands and that it will give me vital experience that will lead to a job directly out of law school. i really want to take it, but if i do, then his relationship with his siblings will be permanently damaged. wibta if i take him up on his offer? [/INST] nta. you are not damaging this relationship, his siblings are. i'd bet they've just been waiting for an excuse to cut him off too for not 'siding' with them. he said you can still do the internship, so do it. those two sound super toxic over something that's frankly trivial at this point. </s>
|
WIBTA if I refuse to have my future MIL’s son as a groomsmen in my upcoming wedding.
|
context: my fiancé and i are due to get married in november. we are excited and looking forward to it. we are at the more critical stage of picking groomsmen and bridesmaids. originally, we have just selected one each, to simplify and reduce drama on my fiancé’s part (she has a ton of friends but doesn’t want to cause conflict by picking some and not others). however, recently, her mother spoke with her and essentially said that: a.) she should have more than one and b.) that given that she should have more than one, i will have more than one as well of which, she wants her son (my fiancé’s step-brother) to be a groomsmen and his wife a bridesmaid. neither my fiancé or i care for them as they aren’t particularly interested in our lives and i have spent maybe two hours total with her brother. he has not treated my fiancé or her family well and is pretty self-centered. he hasn’t done anything to wrong me personally, but i am not a fan of the way he has treated my fiancé in the past and i don’t have a relationship with him. he is also substantially older than us by about eight years. my fiancé has never been good about telling her family no, because when she does, they make her life pretty unpleasant. however, my bigger issue is the way my future mil is going about this-she has not ever mentioned this to me. she is trying to get my fiancé to tell me to do it.in my opinion, manipulating my fiancé to get her way.
would i be the asshole if i refuse? am i making this a bigger deal than it is? i just don’t want to set a precedent of my future mil using my future wife to get what she wants and drive a wedge between us. they are paying for the relatively limited wedding, but i don’t think that gives her the right to dictate who i place in positions of honor and privilege. is it worth causing an issue over?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o52azf/wibta_if_i_refuse_to_have_my_future_mils_son_as_a/
|
2021-06-21 18:46:05
|
nta. and this isn't about the wedding. you have to set a precedent and boundaries now.
|
nta...if you don't start saying no now, then your married life will be littered with more incidents such as this. she needs a hard no. simply move forward with your original plans. best of luck with your wedding!
|
nta. you and your fiance should tell future mil that you want a slim downed wedding and that means one bridesmaid and one groomsmen. be firm but polite. she'll get over it. you're definitely not an ah for opposing it.
|
nta. no is a complete sentence.
|
nta
although, to be picky, you're asking if it's worth "causing an issue over." future mil is causing the issue, not you.
really your future wife should be standing up to her family, but you're saying she has difficulty doing this. remind her that she doesn't want this and explain why you think it's important not to give in to what her mother asks for. and then ask how you can support her in standing up for what she wants.
|
nta, but it's going to blow up bc you're not paying for the wedding. it's much easier to say no if it's only your money involved.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: context: my fiancé and i are due to get married in november. we are excited and looking forward to it. we are at the more critical stage of picking groomsmen and bridesmaids. originally, we have just selected one each, to simplify and reduce drama on my fiancé’s part (she has a ton of friends but doesn’t want to cause conflict by picking some and not others). however, recently, her mother spoke with her and essentially said that: a.) she should have more than one and b.) that given that she should have more than one, i will have more than one as well of which, she wants her son (my fiancé’s step-brother) to be a groomsmen and his wife a bridesmaid. neither my fiancé or i care for them as they aren’t particularly interested in our lives and i have spent maybe two hours total with her brother. he has not treated my fiancé or her family well and is pretty self-centered. he hasn’t done anything to wrong me personally, but i am not a fan of the way he has treated my fiancé in the past and i don’t have a relationship with him. he is also substantially older than us by about eight years. my fiancé has never been good about telling her family no, because when she does, they make her life pretty unpleasant. however, my bigger issue is the way my future mil is going about this-she has not ever mentioned this to me. she is trying to get my fiancé to tell me to do it.in my opinion, manipulating my fiancé to get her way. would i be the asshole if i refuse? am i making this a bigger deal than it is? i just don’t want to set a precedent of my future mil using my future wife to get what she wants and drive a wedge between us. they are paying for the relatively limited wedding, but i don’t think that gives her the right to dictate who i place in positions of honor and privilege. is it worth causing an issue over?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
context: my fiancé and i are due to get married in november. we are excited and looking forward to it. we are at the more critical stage of picking groomsmen and bridesmaids. originally, we have just selected one each, to simplify and reduce drama on my fiancé’s part (she has a ton of friends but doesn’t want to cause conflict by picking some and not others). however, recently, her mother spoke with her and essentially said that: a.) she should have more than one and b.) that given that she should have more than one, i will have more than one as well of which, she wants her son (my fiancé’s step-brother) to be a groomsmen and his wife a bridesmaid. neither my fiancé or i care for them as they aren’t particularly interested in our lives and i have spent maybe two hours total with her brother. he has not treated my fiancé or her family well and is pretty self-centered. he hasn’t done anything to wrong me personally, but i am not a fan of the way he has treated my fiancé in the past and i don’t have a relationship with him. he is also substantially older than us by about eight years. my fiancé has never been good about telling her family no, because when she does, they make her life pretty unpleasant. however, my bigger issue is the way my future mil is going about this-she has not ever mentioned this to me. she is trying to get my fiancé to tell me to do it.in my opinion, manipulating my fiancé to get her way. would i be the asshole if i refuse? am i making this a bigger deal than it is? i just don’t want to set a precedent of my future mil using my future wife to get what she wants and drive a wedge between us. they are paying for the relatively limited wedding, but i don’t think that gives her the right to dictate who i place in positions of honor and privilege. is it worth causing an issue over? [/INST] nta. and this isn't about the wedding. you have to set a precedent and boundaries now. </s>
|
AITA for not shaving for a family BBQ?
|
i'm on mobile so forgive any spelling mistakes.
sorry for long post.
i f(19) don't often shave my legs or underarms. it's for no reason in particular, i know many women who have their own reasonings for not shaving, whether it be for political or personal preferences. i just don't care enough to. sometimes i do, but i just don't see the necessity of it for me personally.
today is 4th of july and my brother is hosting the cookout for this year. it's just going to be immediate family with some extended family who have flown over from dominican republic. i decided to wear a simple loose gray cami dress. the first thing my mom said when i left my room after changing was, "aren't you going to shave? you need to if you're going to wear a dress like that." to which i just shrugged and said no. cue yet another 15 minute rant from my mother about how "im a woman and that it's expected of me to shave it's gross that i don't" and whatever other nonsensical ideologies she had. i've heard this lecture far too many times from all of the women in my family so at this point i just tune it out. no biggie.
my dad got involved and he and my mom tried to convince me to shave before we left for the barbecue, very aggressively if i may add. i refused to, and eventually we left. the whole car ride there my mom switched from silently fuming to trying to chew me out. thank god for noise cancellation headphones. when we got to my brothers house my mother was still angry and when my sister asked what was wrong, she said very loudly that i, once again, didn't shave. my sister (28) huffed and glared at me. in a very nasty tone she started berating me and said, "what does your boyfriend say about you not shaving? surely he's just as disgusted." i snorted and told her "i couldn't care less what my boyfriend thought, i'd never make a decision about my body based on somebody else's opinion. but if it's really that important, he doesn't care because he's not a child." they did not like this response and now nobody is talking to me. so now i'm hanging out with my brothers cats. not the worst outcome.
i've always had issues with my family, i guess you can say i'm the black sheep. it used to hurt a lot to be treated so poorly by my parents and siblings (im the youngest of 6) but i honestly don't care anymore. im working on getting my finances together so i can move out, and i will be able to before the end of the year. i can technically go now, but im choosing to save every last cent i can and learn more life skills until i'm ready to move.
i just don't see what the big deal is. i think everyone should be able to make the decision on whether or not they want to shave without being berated. if body hair is so "unnatural" then why do we all grow it? i don't understand how it affects their lives so much. it's not like i smell, i shower every day and never skip out on deodorant.
aita? is there something i'm missing here?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vrepwr/aita_for_not_shaving_for_a_family_bbq/
|
2022-07-04 19:03:36
|
nta, don't shave ever for anyone other than yourself. if people don't like it, they can eff off.
|
nta. your body, your choice. but you also can't change how your family is going to react. if it was me, i'd let my family know that i would not tolerate them making comments about my leg hair, and next time they did, i'd just leave. up to them to decide what's more important - having me around or not having to see my leg hair.
|
nta and i'll bet your mom doesn't know that it was gillette's aggressive marketing campaign that got women to start shaving in the first place.
|
nta. tell mom and sister to shave their mustaches before you shave your legs.
|
nta
&#x200b;
your parents are ah. go a lot less to their events, and spend oyur time with friends instead.
|
nta. i haven't shaved my legs in 20 years. anyone who gives me crap (very few, as my leg hair is hard to see) i ask them why they're staring at my legs when my face is waaaaay above.
|
nta. when i've gotten the "what does your boyfriend think?" attack, i shrug and observe that his legs are harrier than mine. stick to your guns, do what you want with your body hair.
|
i like cats.
|
nta and we'll done. your confidence to be you and not apologize is awesome and many women are battling internally daily for a sliver of what you have. keep on keeping on!
|
nta you have every right to shave or not shave. it’s your choice. for me personally, i don’t like seeing anyone’s nasty armpit hair, men or women’s lol
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm on mobile so forgive any spelling mistakes. sorry for long post. i f(19) don't often shave my legs or underarms. it's for no reason in particular, i know many women who have their own reasonings for not shaving, whether it be for political or personal preferences. i just don't care enough to. sometimes i do, but i just don't see the necessity of it for me personally. today is 4th of july and my brother is hosting the cookout for this year. it's just going to be immediate family with some extended family who have flown over from dominican republic. i decided to wear a simple loose gray cami dress. the first thing my mom said when i left my room after changing was, "aren't you going to shave? you need to if you're going to wear a dress like that." to which i just shrugged and said no. cue yet another 15 minute rant from my mother about how "im a woman and that it's expected of me to shave it's gross that i don't" and whatever other nonsensical ideologies she had. i've heard this lecture far too many times from all of the women in my family so at this point i just tune it out. no biggie. my dad got involved and he and my mom tried to convince me to shave before we left for the barbecue, very aggressively if i may add. i refused to, and eventually we left. the whole car ride there my mom switched from silently fuming to trying to chew me out. thank god for noise cancellation headphones. when we got to my brothers house my mother was still angry and when my sister asked what was wrong, she said very loudly that i, once again, didn't shave. my sister (28) huffed and glared at me. in a very nasty tone she started berating me and said, "what does your boyfriend say about you not shaving? surely he's just as disgusted." i snorted and told her "i couldn't care less what my boyfriend thought, i'd never make a decision about my body based on somebody else's opinion. but if it's really that important, he doesn't care because he's not a child." they did not like this response and now nobody is talking to me. so now i'm hanging out with my brothers cats. not the worst outcome. i've always had issues with my family, i guess you can say i'm the black sheep. it used to hurt a lot to be treated so poorly by my parents and siblings (im the youngest of 6) but i honestly don't care anymore. im working on getting my finances together so i can move out, and i will be able to before the end of the year. i can technically go now, but im choosing to save every last cent i can and learn more life skills until i'm ready to move. i just don't see what the big deal is. i think everyone should be able to make the decision on whether or not they want to shave without being berated. if body hair is so "unnatural" then why do we all grow it? i don't understand how it affects their lives so much. it's not like i smell, i shower every day and never skip out on deodorant. aita? is there something i'm missing here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm on mobile so forgive any spelling mistakes. sorry for long post. i f(19) don't often shave my legs or underarms. it's for no reason in particular, i know many women who have their own reasonings for not shaving, whether it be for political or personal preferences. i just don't care enough to. sometimes i do, but i just don't see the necessity of it for me personally. today is 4th of july and my brother is hosting the cookout for this year. it's just going to be immediate family with some extended family who have flown over from dominican republic. i decided to wear a simple loose gray cami dress. the first thing my mom said when i left my room after changing was, "aren't you going to shave? you need to if you're going to wear a dress like that." to which i just shrugged and said no. cue yet another 15 minute rant from my mother about how "im a woman and that it's expected of me to shave it's gross that i don't" and whatever other nonsensical ideologies she had. i've heard this lecture far too many times from all of the women in my family so at this point i just tune it out. no biggie. my dad got involved and he and my mom tried to convince me to shave before we left for the barbecue, very aggressively if i may add. i refused to, and eventually we left. the whole car ride there my mom switched from silently fuming to trying to chew me out. thank god for noise cancellation headphones. when we got to my brothers house my mother was still angry and when my sister asked what was wrong, she said very loudly that i, once again, didn't shave. my sister (28) huffed and glared at me. in a very nasty tone she started berating me and said, "what does your boyfriend say about you not shaving? surely he's just as disgusted." i snorted and told her "i couldn't care less what my boyfriend thought, i'd never make a decision about my body based on somebody else's opinion. but if it's really that important, he doesn't care because he's not a child." they did not like this response and now nobody is talking to me. so now i'm hanging out with my brothers cats. not the worst outcome. i've always had issues with my family, i guess you can say i'm the black sheep. it used to hurt a lot to be treated so poorly by my parents and siblings (im the youngest of 6) but i honestly don't care anymore. im working on getting my finances together so i can move out, and i will be able to before the end of the year. i can technically go now, but im choosing to save every last cent i can and learn more life skills until i'm ready to move. i just don't see what the big deal is. i think everyone should be able to make the decision on whether or not they want to shave without being berated. if body hair is so "unnatural" then why do we all grow it? i don't understand how it affects their lives so much. it's not like i smell, i shower every day and never skip out on deodorant. aita? is there something i'm missing here? [/INST] nta, don't shave ever for anyone other than yourself. if people don't like it, they can eff off. </s>
|
AITA for yelling at my husband after he hurt himself?
|
my husband and i have been married for 2 years and i am 7 months pregnant with our first child. my husband went on a trip to his family’s ranch with his 3 brothers a few days ago and i begged him before he left to be careful and not do anything stupid (these trips with his brothers are notorious for drunken horseplay). i was worried because he has already been pretty accident prone and distant lately.
he promised that he wouldn’t do anything crazy and that he would call me every day. however, on the third day i got a call from his older brother that my husband and his youngest brother were in the emergency room after the two got into a four-wheeler accident. my husband broke his ankle, got a minor concussion, and had to have stitches for a cut on his face, and his brother ended up with a broken ankle and wrist… while they were both safe, that i needed to pick my husband up because he wasn’t going to be able to drive himself home.
so, i had to drive four hours both ways to pick him up and drive him home, and i was not happy at all about it. on the drive back he apologized for getting hurt and started explaining how it was a total accident. i pulled over and told him (yelling) that i’m tired of him acting like such a reckless man child and that he needs to start acting like an adult who is having a child in two months.
i also told him that i’m tired of him being so careless with his own safety because i’m literally depending on him to be a responsible husband and father right now, mentioning all of the other stupid things he’s done lately.
he said that he’s stressed out about fatherhood and how things are going to change once the baby is born, and that is why he’s been acting so different. he said that me yelling at him and being mad at him only makes him feel worse and doesn’t help anything, and that he’s been trying his best, but he doesn't think he's good enough… and that he feels like i don't even care that he's hurt. i was too angry to say anything else about it.
i understand that a lot of how they have fun together is by goofing around and that he’s probably just trying to get in quality time with his brothers before the baby is born, and that he’s stressed but i have so much on my plate right now and it feels like he’s not considerate of the fact that he’s going to have a family that depends on him in the near future.
i’ve been taking care of him even though we’re both still pretty upset with each other. i’ve started to feel like i was too hard on him but i’m not sure… i’m just tired of worrying about him.
so, aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wbfhes/aita_for_yelling_at_my_husband_after_he_hurt/
|
2022-07-29 20:55:23
|
nta. maybe the yelling was a little much, but understandable. did he apologize for getting hurt or for being reckless? there's a big difference. he's lucky it was just a concussion and broken bone. being stressed about an upcoming child is understandable, but there's better ways of handling it. why couldn't his non-injured brother drive him home instead of making the 7 month pregnant wife spend 8 hours driving?
|
nip this "making me accountable hurts my feelings!" in the bud before you're raising 2 children.
|
nta - he was reckless and it's time for the guy to grow up. going on quads is a risky activity to begin with, but he went without a helmet?! also, this isn't the first reckless thing he's done recently, he promised not to be reckless on this trip, did it anyway, and you had to make an eight-hour round trip to pick him up?!
no. i'd imagine you're stressed about motherhood too, but you're not out riding recreational vehicles without a helmet, and making him take care of you when the inevitable happens.
also, it sounds like he's having a little pity party for himself. oh, he's so stressed... he's trying his best, and you aren't allowed to be mad because it hurts his feelings! he's not taking any accountability here.
|
nta. sorry but the man needs to get his shit together. cramming as much fun in as you can while your pregnant wife is constantly stressed out and worried about you hurting yourself is selfish and childish. this isn’t the time for a bachelor party before parenthood ffs.
|
nta. i hope he's like...19 or something, because that's how he acts.
|
nta
why is he drinking and driving!! it might have been a four wheeler, but it’s still a vehicle that can get you killed. he is lucky he only had the injuries he had because it’s extremely easy to die doing what he was doing. guilt trip him. tell him what would happen if he died and never saw his child being born, never gave the child a father all because of him being reckless like this.
|
soooooo. one of my friends ended up pregnant way after she expected that would happen. it was joyous but stressful af bc they had non mainstream careers that didn't really provide any maternity/paternity benefits. her so was legitimately freaked out for awhile but he decided being a supportive partner and a dad was where he needed to land and while he's still who he's always been, he stopped with foolishness that would impact them as a family. nta bc apparently your husband is prioritizing his stress over your family.
|
info
pretty hard to judge this without knowing details of the incident. was he actually being reckless? we’re they drunk on it? doing really stupid shit or hide a real accident. why did you have to get him tho instead of his brothers driving him.
|
nta. it's understandable that you're upset given that he's prone to regressing into reckless adolescent behavior when he's around his brothers. you need to know you can rely on him when the baby comes and he's showing you that he's irresponsible. plus if he keeps it up he's setting a shitty example for your child. my only suggestion is marriage and individual counseling. atvs are nothing to play with. ozzy osbourne is practically disabled after falling off one of those things.
|
nta, he broke a promise and it’s time to grow up. i do think the insecurities he shared are valid and he needs to address and resolve them before the baby is born or it could lead to more poor decisions.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i have been married for 2 years and i am 7 months pregnant with our first child. my husband went on a trip to his family’s ranch with his 3 brothers a few days ago and i begged him before he left to be careful and not do anything stupid (these trips with his brothers are notorious for drunken horseplay). i was worried because he has already been pretty accident prone and distant lately. he promised that he wouldn’t do anything crazy and that he would call me every day. however, on the third day i got a call from his older brother that my husband and his youngest brother were in the emergency room after the two got into a four-wheeler accident. my husband broke his ankle, got a minor concussion, and had to have stitches for a cut on his face, and his brother ended up with a broken ankle and wrist… while they were both safe, that i needed to pick my husband up because he wasn’t going to be able to drive himself home. so, i had to drive four hours both ways to pick him up and drive him home, and i was not happy at all about it. on the drive back he apologized for getting hurt and started explaining how it was a total accident. i pulled over and told him (yelling) that i’m tired of him acting like such a reckless man child and that he needs to start acting like an adult who is having a child in two months. i also told him that i’m tired of him being so careless with his own safety because i’m literally depending on him to be a responsible husband and father right now, mentioning all of the other stupid things he’s done lately. he said that he’s stressed out about fatherhood and how things are going to change once the baby is born, and that is why he’s been acting so different. he said that me yelling at him and being mad at him only makes him feel worse and doesn’t help anything, and that he’s been trying his best, but he doesn't think he's good enough… and that he feels like i don't even care that he's hurt. i was too angry to say anything else about it. i understand that a lot of how they have fun together is by goofing around and that he’s probably just trying to get in quality time with his brothers before the baby is born, and that he’s stressed but i have so much on my plate right now and it feels like he’s not considerate of the fact that he’s going to have a family that depends on him in the near future. i’ve been taking care of him even though we’re both still pretty upset with each other. i’ve started to feel like i was too hard on him but i’m not sure… i’m just tired of worrying about him. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have been married for 2 years and i am 7 months pregnant with our first child. my husband went on a trip to his family’s ranch with his 3 brothers a few days ago and i begged him before he left to be careful and not do anything stupid (these trips with his brothers are notorious for drunken horseplay). i was worried because he has already been pretty accident prone and distant lately. he promised that he wouldn’t do anything crazy and that he would call me every day. however, on the third day i got a call from his older brother that my husband and his youngest brother were in the emergency room after the two got into a four-wheeler accident. my husband broke his ankle, got a minor concussion, and had to have stitches for a cut on his face, and his brother ended up with a broken ankle and wrist… while they were both safe, that i needed to pick my husband up because he wasn’t going to be able to drive himself home. so, i had to drive four hours both ways to pick him up and drive him home, and i was not happy at all about it. on the drive back he apologized for getting hurt and started explaining how it was a total accident. i pulled over and told him (yelling) that i’m tired of him acting like such a reckless man child and that he needs to start acting like an adult who is having a child in two months. i also told him that i’m tired of him being so careless with his own safety because i’m literally depending on him to be a responsible husband and father right now, mentioning all of the other stupid things he’s done lately. he said that he’s stressed out about fatherhood and how things are going to change once the baby is born, and that is why he’s been acting so different. he said that me yelling at him and being mad at him only makes him feel worse and doesn’t help anything, and that he’s been trying his best, but he doesn't think he's good enough… and that he feels like i don't even care that he's hurt. i was too angry to say anything else about it. i understand that a lot of how they have fun together is by goofing around and that he’s probably just trying to get in quality time with his brothers before the baby is born, and that he’s stressed but i have so much on my plate right now and it feels like he’s not considerate of the fact that he’s going to have a family that depends on him in the near future. i’ve been taking care of him even though we’re both still pretty upset with each other. i’ve started to feel like i was too hard on him but i’m not sure… i’m just tired of worrying about him. so, aita? [/INST] nta. maybe the yelling was a little much, but understandable. did he apologize for getting hurt or for being reckless? there's a big difference. he's lucky it was just a concussion and broken bone. being stressed about an upcoming child is understandable, but there's better ways of handling it. why couldn't his non-injured brother drive him home instead of making the 7 month pregnant wife spend 8 hours driving? </s>
|
AITA for 'nagging' a restaurant on their new policy?
|
because i (29f) worked in fast food/restaurants during high school and early adulthood, i put in my best effort to be courteous to the worker. usually, when i'm with friends or family and we have a split order (they pay for their food, i pay for mine) i make sure we go inside instead of drive thru to avoid extra hassle for them.
i was out with my friend (24f) when we decided to stop for dinner. we check the times to make sure the lobby is still open. online it says it is. we get there and only drive thru is open.
in the past my family has ordered separate orders through drive thru, so while i don't like it, i know we can do it.
nope! we get to the order box and apologize right away saying we needed separate orders. immediately they say they can't do that. i'm a little taken back and but am still polite and just ask if they changed that due to everything going on. no reply, until a minute later when they yell out are you going to order. they tell us we can either get one order now and pull back around for the second, or put them on the same order. seeing as 6 cars are now behind us my friend just pays for us.
at the window i ask the cashier when did the policy change. she tell me a while ago, pretty shortly, and they have their reasons. i'll admit i'm a little confused and ask what those reasons were. she snaps and says just for safety and slams the window. she throws us are food and tells me i don't need to badger them on a policy they have no control over. my friend and i left in shock.
now i'm feeling like a karen. was i over the line?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/igep72/aita_for_nagging_a_restaurant_on_their_new_policy/
|
2020-08-25 15:46:41
|
yta - it’s a pandemic, lots of things are changing that make no sense.
you badgered her for a policy she had no control over, you’re correct. you are probably not the first and won’t be the last person she has to deal with. the swing back around is stupid as shit but how can she control it. she most likely needs that job for above mentioned reason.
|
yta. it's a drive-thru, where people wait in line to get their orders. i think it is entitled of you to want to spend time splitting up orders, and then wasting more time questioning their policy. just pay the bill and figure out later who owes what. that's what atms are for.
|
yta. you were sitting at the drive through causing a big line to form because you felt you were owed an explanation for their policies. you aren't. you had the information you needed to place your order. and seriously, is it that hard to venmo someone for your part of a food order?
|
esh
they were rude.
however, it’s a pandemic. rules are constantly changing towards food.
as you said, there were 6 cars behind you — so haggling over the policy change at that point was holding up the line and inconsiderate of you.
you can contact the manager during the next business day if you want an explanation.
|
yta she should’ve been nicer but splitting orders in the drive thru is extremely annoying, you should know that as a former fast food worker and that’s what venmo is for.
you doubled down at the window after holding up the line and kept bothering them about it, they have no control over it and their manager probably just told them to not split orders anymore
|
esh.... she was being rude, but the same time if you’ve worked in the service industry, you should understand that the person working the drive thru window is the last person to have any kind of call over the store’s policy, and likely didn’t get an explanation for the management’s decision either, if they even worked there when the rule got changed. if you really wanted to discuss the rule you should’ve asked for corporate, general manager or district manager’s card (depending on size of company). plus it’s also definitely an ah move to have a particularly large order or order spilt multiple ways instead of just cashapping each other when there’s 6 people behind you in a line. plus drive thru workers are usually timed per car and expected to keep up a particular average time or they actually get in trouble so you were holding them up with requesting the spilt checks and having a discussion about it with likely a minimum wage worker...
|
yta it's a drive through, you can pass money around to each other instead of expecting them to wrangle however many transactions on your behalf.
|
yta you sound really annoying
|
as someone who has worked in a drive thru, you are the worst type of person lol. it’s your friend and you’re 29 not 17 (when everyone’s broke), don’t you have a “i’ll get you now, you buy next time” kinda thing? or etransfer?
it’s also a pandemic i’m sure the staff is overworked, i bet it was a newer employee and they weren’t sure how to split up the order. it’s not hard, but it’s not something you get shown how to do right away. that’s just my guess, unless it really is policy now because drive thrus have been busier since covid and you delay the line when you do that.
|
yta
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.002566 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: because i (29f) worked in fast food/restaurants during high school and early adulthood, i put in my best effort to be courteous to the worker. usually, when i'm with friends or family and we have a split order (they pay for their food, i pay for mine) i make sure we go inside instead of drive thru to avoid extra hassle for them. i was out with my friend (24f) when we decided to stop for dinner. we check the times to make sure the lobby is still open. online it says it is. we get there and only drive thru is open. in the past my family has ordered separate orders through drive thru, so while i don't like it, i know we can do it. nope! we get to the order box and apologize right away saying we needed separate orders. immediately they say they can't do that. i'm a little taken back and but am still polite and just ask if they changed that due to everything going on. no reply, until a minute later when they yell out are you going to order. they tell us we can either get one order now and pull back around for the second, or put them on the same order. seeing as 6 cars are now behind us my friend just pays for us. at the window i ask the cashier when did the policy change. she tell me a while ago, pretty shortly, and they have their reasons. i'll admit i'm a little confused and ask what those reasons were. she snaps and says just for safety and slams the window. she throws us are food and tells me i don't need to badger them on a policy they have no control over. my friend and i left in shock. now i'm feeling like a karen. was i over the line?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
because i (29f) worked in fast food/restaurants during high school and early adulthood, i put in my best effort to be courteous to the worker. usually, when i'm with friends or family and we have a split order (they pay for their food, i pay for mine) i make sure we go inside instead of drive thru to avoid extra hassle for them. i was out with my friend (24f) when we decided to stop for dinner. we check the times to make sure the lobby is still open. online it says it is. we get there and only drive thru is open. in the past my family has ordered separate orders through drive thru, so while i don't like it, i know we can do it. nope! we get to the order box and apologize right away saying we needed separate orders. immediately they say they can't do that. i'm a little taken back and but am still polite and just ask if they changed that due to everything going on. no reply, until a minute later when they yell out are you going to order. they tell us we can either get one order now and pull back around for the second, or put them on the same order. seeing as 6 cars are now behind us my friend just pays for us. at the window i ask the cashier when did the policy change. she tell me a while ago, pretty shortly, and they have their reasons. i'll admit i'm a little confused and ask what those reasons were. she snaps and says just for safety and slams the window. she throws us are food and tells me i don't need to badger them on a policy they have no control over. my friend and i left in shock. now i'm feeling like a karen. was i over the line? [/INST] yta - it’s a pandemic, lots of things are changing that make no sense. you badgered her for a policy she had no control over, you’re correct. you are probably not the first and won’t be the last person she has to deal with. the swing back around is stupid as shit but how can she control it. she most likely needs that job for above mentioned reason. </s>
|
AITA if I got into an argument with my gf over attending a protest for a country that's not her own?
|
my country has suddenly erupted into mass protests, this happened overnight countrywide on thursday night. with hundreds going on main roads and burning tires. despite that most can be counted as civil given the situation. i should really stress that most protests are civil and i feel are very justified given the countries state. however, my country normally has xenophobic tendencies and my girlfriend looks noticeably foreign.
friday morning, i headed out early morning to run some errands and saw the scope of the protests. even driving through the city center at the crack of dawn seeing the extent of the damage (the government had just temporarily cleared the square at 4am). normally, protests have been historically restricted to the capital but these have been nationwide. after i got home, she was heading up to a friends place close to my area and i went to sleep planning to meet up later since i had barely slept, keeping up with the protests and walking up at the crack of dawn.
now i had made plans to head down to the protests on friday, but i wanted to avoid the city center for a bunch of reasons. one is the downtown area is the one the government focuses on the most, with intense riot police, water cannons and tear gas. two, they had already cleared it with force the night before. three, since it's considered the main protest, violence is most likely to break out.
when i woke up in the afternoon, she somehow left her friends place and headed down to the protest in downtown. after two hours, reports were getting in that it was getting violent. i called her and her friends multiple times begging them to go to different safer protest but they were insistent on staying and then ignored my calls only sending me sporadic message updates. at that point, i had coordinated with a few friends to head to that protest and try to pick her up. but since all of the roads had protests on them, the trip to my friends place took over an hour and a half (normally a 20 minute trip).
i had frantically tried warning them to leave before the prime minsters speech since that might push the crowd over the edge, but it fell on deaf ears and by the time i reached my friends place the riot police had already started to clear the city center with tear gas. there were multiple reports of casualties starting to come in and viral videos of police brutality. at that point she said she was leaving and sent me a live location on whatsapp. after coordinating for around 30 minutes with her still being cagey, we were able to find a place to pick her up.
afterwards, when we got back to my friends place she asked me to talk about it and i exploded at her for being so irresponsible and communicating so poorly while she is insistent she did nothing wrong despite being covered in tear gas and that she didn't participate in the protests and was only observing them. atia?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dk2u2y/aita_if_i_got_into_an_argument_with_my_gf_over/
|
2019-10-19 12:01:02
|
yta. it's not your place to tell her how to protest. you could have had a conversation and set up safety guidelines for you both but that's not what you did. you "blew up on her". i get that you were scared, but that doesn't mean you get to control her
|
yta dude. i get that you were worried for her safety, but she's old enough to make her own decision about where she goes and what she does. you're not her father. i'm sure she knew of the potential risks, she's not a moron. i would say n a h, but if you actually blew up and started screaming at her, that's not a good way to communicate with a loved one. but like i said, i do understand that you were probably terrified. but again, not your place to dictate where she can or can't go.
|
yta. your emotive language seems rather biased and harsh. you used the term “cagey”. maybe she was navigating through the crowds. i was at the downtown protest yesterday. it wasn’t a walk in the park.
it sounds like you’re seeking validation instead of speaking things through with your partner. if she was covered in tear gas that also means she experienced something on the ground and it sounded like she needed support to process what she went through. it’s normal to be upset because you care for a loved one. but creating a thread? communication man. communication is key.
|
nah she isn't an asshole for wanting to do what she wanted to do, she is her own person... however you were concerned for her safety and were frantic and distraught caring enough to get angry when someone close to you puts themselves in danger doesn't make you an asshole.
|
yta slightly. you need to respect that your gf is an adult who is responsible for her level of risk and can gauge situations for herself. she can make decisions about her personal safety that you disagree with - they are her call. reacting with concern about that is normal, but going off on her like you're a parent with a reckless child is not appropriate.
|
yta a bit. what does it matter if it's not her country? i don't understand. also she's an adult and gets to make her own choices, no matter how stupid they seem to you. it sounds like she was sticking to sidelines and not in the front throwing rocks at the police, so she it was gonna get ugly.
sounds to me like you were bombarding her with texts and calls - i personally wouldn't be okay with that, but i'm not sure about the stretch of time all of this happened. i don't know what you mean with "communicating poorly" like she didn't reply to all your messages or something? because she did let you know where is she and that she's with friends and safe (since she kept sending you updates). for me that isn't poor communication.
i do understand you getting scared and the first reaction to getting scared is getting angry, but that's rarely the right thing to do.
|
nah. be safe. 🇱🇧❤️
| null | null | null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
| null | null | null | 0.124463 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my country has suddenly erupted into mass protests, this happened overnight countrywide on thursday night. with hundreds going on main roads and burning tires. despite that most can be counted as civil given the situation. i should really stress that most protests are civil and i feel are very justified given the countries state. however, my country normally has xenophobic tendencies and my girlfriend looks noticeably foreign. friday morning, i headed out early morning to run some errands and saw the scope of the protests. even driving through the city center at the crack of dawn seeing the extent of the damage (the government had just temporarily cleared the square at 4am). normally, protests have been historically restricted to the capital but these have been nationwide. after i got home, she was heading up to a friends place close to my area and i went to sleep planning to meet up later since i had barely slept, keeping up with the protests and walking up at the crack of dawn. now i had made plans to head down to the protests on friday, but i wanted to avoid the city center for a bunch of reasons. one is the downtown area is the one the government focuses on the most, with intense riot police, water cannons and tear gas. two, they had already cleared it with force the night before. three, since it's considered the main protest, violence is most likely to break out. when i woke up in the afternoon, she somehow left her friends place and headed down to the protest in downtown. after two hours, reports were getting in that it was getting violent. i called her and her friends multiple times begging them to go to different safer protest but they were insistent on staying and then ignored my calls only sending me sporadic message updates. at that point, i had coordinated with a few friends to head to that protest and try to pick her up. but since all of the roads had protests on them, the trip to my friends place took over an hour and a half (normally a 20 minute trip). i had frantically tried warning them to leave before the prime minsters speech since that might push the crowd over the edge, but it fell on deaf ears and by the time i reached my friends place the riot police had already started to clear the city center with tear gas. there were multiple reports of casualties starting to come in and viral videos of police brutality. at that point she said she was leaving and sent me a live location on whatsapp. after coordinating for around 30 minutes with her still being cagey, we were able to find a place to pick her up. afterwards, when we got back to my friends place she asked me to talk about it and i exploded at her for being so irresponsible and communicating so poorly while she is insistent she did nothing wrong despite being covered in tear gas and that she didn't participate in the protests and was only observing them. atia?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my country has suddenly erupted into mass protests, this happened overnight countrywide on thursday night. with hundreds going on main roads and burning tires. despite that most can be counted as civil given the situation. i should really stress that most protests are civil and i feel are very justified given the countries state. however, my country normally has xenophobic tendencies and my girlfriend looks noticeably foreign. friday morning, i headed out early morning to run some errands and saw the scope of the protests. even driving through the city center at the crack of dawn seeing the extent of the damage (the government had just temporarily cleared the square at 4am). normally, protests have been historically restricted to the capital but these have been nationwide. after i got home, she was heading up to a friends place close to my area and i went to sleep planning to meet up later since i had barely slept, keeping up with the protests and walking up at the crack of dawn. now i had made plans to head down to the protests on friday, but i wanted to avoid the city center for a bunch of reasons. one is the downtown area is the one the government focuses on the most, with intense riot police, water cannons and tear gas. two, they had already cleared it with force the night before. three, since it's considered the main protest, violence is most likely to break out. when i woke up in the afternoon, she somehow left her friends place and headed down to the protest in downtown. after two hours, reports were getting in that it was getting violent. i called her and her friends multiple times begging them to go to different safer protest but they were insistent on staying and then ignored my calls only sending me sporadic message updates. at that point, i had coordinated with a few friends to head to that protest and try to pick her up. but since all of the roads had protests on them, the trip to my friends place took over an hour and a half (normally a 20 minute trip). i had frantically tried warning them to leave before the prime minsters speech since that might push the crowd over the edge, but it fell on deaf ears and by the time i reached my friends place the riot police had already started to clear the city center with tear gas. there were multiple reports of casualties starting to come in and viral videos of police brutality. at that point she said she was leaving and sent me a live location on whatsapp. after coordinating for around 30 minutes with her still being cagey, we were able to find a place to pick her up. afterwards, when we got back to my friends place she asked me to talk about it and i exploded at her for being so irresponsible and communicating so poorly while she is insistent she did nothing wrong despite being covered in tear gas and that she didn't participate in the protests and was only observing them. atia? [/INST] yta. it's not your place to tell her how to protest. you could have had a conversation and set up safety guidelines for you both but that's not what you did. you "blew up on her". i get that you were scared, but that doesn't mean you get to control her </s>
|
AITA for telling my father he doesn't care about his family
|
for the last year and a half my university has been closed due to covid-19 so i (21m) went back to my parents house and i'm following lessons online so they don't have to pay my rent.
my father has always been a person who used to snore while sleeping but it wasn't that big of a deal and i didn't mind it that much. however in the last 3/4 months he has become very loud and i have difficulties concentrating while studying for my exams beacause i keep hearing him snoring even with earphones on. he has a cpap machine that he should use every time he goes to sleep (he has heart problems) and when he does he doesn't snore. the problem is that he finds it uncomfortable so he practically never uses it because for him i'm just exaggerating things (even tho my mom also tells him the same things as me).
at first i tried to tell him that he should use the machine for his own good and that way he would make me and my mother a favour. unsurprisingly he never even used it once so i started waking him up when the snoring was too loud and telling him to use the cpap but the only result was him getting angrier and angrier each time, till he started shouting at me every time i did it. yesterday after waking him up again during his afternoon nap and after receiving my daily dose of insults i told him that he is a selfish asshole who doesn't care about me and my mom and about his own health.
i know i shouldn't have said that but hearing him snoring every day for hours straight is just stressing. it is something that probably came out of anger and i already told him i am sorry but now he doesn't even speek to me and the snoring problem didn't stop.
aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mwua6j/aita_for_telling_my_father_he_doesnt_care_about/
|
2021-04-23 12:36:50
|
nta, it’s not like he cannot help it, he has a solution, that he should use not only to allow you to sleep, but for his own health.
|
nta.. he needs to hear it if it makes him mad or not. you may want to get a box fan to drown out the noise a bit more for your room. they become like white noise , i keep mine on 24/7 !
|
nta. not using it will kill him, either from a cardiac event or from driving while sleep deprived. it can be hard to get used to, he may need to try different masks or pressures, but the choice is really use it or die. not annoy others, die. that firmly in mind convinced me to find a way to use it, i find i can't sleep without it now.
|
i think you need to approach it differently. he obviously cares about you in some capacity since you still live under their roof.
yes, the snoring has a negative effect on you and your mother, but that's not the most important point. the point is that he needs to take care of his health. is he in denial? when you've talked about this, have you presented it more as an annoyance or as a concern?
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for the last year and a half my university has been closed due to covid-19 so i (21m) went back to my parents house and i'm following lessons online so they don't have to pay my rent. my father has always been a person who used to snore while sleeping but it wasn't that big of a deal and i didn't mind it that much. however in the last 3/4 months he has become very loud and i have difficulties concentrating while studying for my exams beacause i keep hearing him snoring even with earphones on. he has a cpap machine that he should use every time he goes to sleep (he has heart problems) and when he does he doesn't snore. the problem is that he finds it uncomfortable so he practically never uses it because for him i'm just exaggerating things (even tho my mom also tells him the same things as me). at first i tried to tell him that he should use the machine for his own good and that way he would make me and my mother a favour. unsurprisingly he never even used it once so i started waking him up when the snoring was too loud and telling him to use the cpap but the only result was him getting angrier and angrier each time, till he started shouting at me every time i did it. yesterday after waking him up again during his afternoon nap and after receiving my daily dose of insults i told him that he is a selfish asshole who doesn't care about me and my mom and about his own health. i know i shouldn't have said that but hearing him snoring every day for hours straight is just stressing. it is something that probably came out of anger and i already told him i am sorry but now he doesn't even speek to me and the snoring problem didn't stop. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for the last year and a half my university has been closed due to covid-19 so i (21m) went back to my parents house and i'm following lessons online so they don't have to pay my rent. my father has always been a person who used to snore while sleeping but it wasn't that big of a deal and i didn't mind it that much. however in the last 3/4 months he has become very loud and i have difficulties concentrating while studying for my exams beacause i keep hearing him snoring even with earphones on. he has a cpap machine that he should use every time he goes to sleep (he has heart problems) and when he does he doesn't snore. the problem is that he finds it uncomfortable so he practically never uses it because for him i'm just exaggerating things (even tho my mom also tells him the same things as me). at first i tried to tell him that he should use the machine for his own good and that way he would make me and my mother a favour. unsurprisingly he never even used it once so i started waking him up when the snoring was too loud and telling him to use the cpap but the only result was him getting angrier and angrier each time, till he started shouting at me every time i did it. yesterday after waking him up again during his afternoon nap and after receiving my daily dose of insults i told him that he is a selfish asshole who doesn't care about me and my mom and about his own health. i know i shouldn't have said that but hearing him snoring every day for hours straight is just stressing. it is something that probably came out of anger and i already told him i am sorry but now he doesn't even speek to me and the snoring problem didn't stop. aita? [/INST] nta, it’s not like he cannot help it, he has a solution, that he should use not only to allow you to sleep, but for his own health. </s>
|
AITA for asking my sister to stop talking about our abusive parents to me and to stop sending me articles about abuse?
|
background: we grew up in a very chaotic home, and faced quite a lot of verbal and emotional abuse. my sister used to bottle everything up, but since she moved out of the house and goes to therapy, she handles everything by talking about it extensively with everyone, not just her therapist. my other sisters and i stopped wanting to talk to her for a while there, because every conversation spiraled into a discussion of what a miserable childhood we had and how terrible our parents are.
i am still living at home, and the situation, while still volatile, is overall better than when we were growing up. i have anxiety and ptsd, and i acknowledge that our home was/is fucked up. however, i love my parents, and still have a relationship with them (as does my sister, incidentally, despite everything). i’m in therapy as well, but my therapy is based on staying calm and coping skills, rather than endlessly discussing the past. discussing all the abuse makes me so anxious and depressed — i’d rather not think or talk about it.
my sister keeps talking about these topics and sending me these articles about dealing with abusive parents. she’s trying to help me, and she also desperately needs my support, as i’m the only other person who 100% understands because i lived it, and can also offer support (my other sisters are too young). i can’t handle it anymore though, and today told her to please stop. aita for not being there for her in this?
tl;dr: abusive parents, sister handles it by talking about it, i can’t handle talking about it and asked her to stop bringing it up to me.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f2vgz0/aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_stop_talking_about/
|
2020-02-12 18:17:32
|
nah you both seem to be going through different healing processes and unfortunately they’re not compatible. have you explained to your sister that this is not part of your process and not the way you need to do the work and that you are working through your own stuff with your therapist? i would simply ask her to stop and then if she doesn’t, stop taking it, don’t respond and if you have to, stop talking to her for a while.
|
nah. different coping strategies work for different people. that said, not every therapist is a good one. be honest and open with her. tell her that you don't want to talk about this anymore.
|
nta for asking this of her. in her defense, have you ever confronted her about this before? maybe try and explain to her why/how her conversations affect you.
|
nah.
you were both abused. you both have different therapists. both have been taught differently how to manage.
i'd take a day to get it all out in the open; she tells you how she feels, you tell her, discuss therapists and techniques. ask her why she only ever seems to talk about that particular subject. you two were abused growing up: how well do you two, despite being sisters, really know each other?
i'd then suggest if you think her coping mechanisms are faulty, ask her to see a new therapist or to join in on yours.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0.030446 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: background: we grew up in a very chaotic home, and faced quite a lot of verbal and emotional abuse. my sister used to bottle everything up, but since she moved out of the house and goes to therapy, she handles everything by talking about it extensively with everyone, not just her therapist. my other sisters and i stopped wanting to talk to her for a while there, because every conversation spiraled into a discussion of what a miserable childhood we had and how terrible our parents are. i am still living at home, and the situation, while still volatile, is overall better than when we were growing up. i have anxiety and ptsd, and i acknowledge that our home was/is fucked up. however, i love my parents, and still have a relationship with them (as does my sister, incidentally, despite everything). i’m in therapy as well, but my therapy is based on staying calm and coping skills, rather than endlessly discussing the past. discussing all the abuse makes me so anxious and depressed — i’d rather not think or talk about it. my sister keeps talking about these topics and sending me these articles about dealing with abusive parents. she’s trying to help me, and she also desperately needs my support, as i’m the only other person who 100% understands because i lived it, and can also offer support (my other sisters are too young). i can’t handle it anymore though, and today told her to please stop. aita for not being there for her in this? tl;dr: abusive parents, sister handles it by talking about it, i can’t handle talking about it and asked her to stop bringing it up to me.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
background: we grew up in a very chaotic home, and faced quite a lot of verbal and emotional abuse. my sister used to bottle everything up, but since she moved out of the house and goes to therapy, she handles everything by talking about it extensively with everyone, not just her therapist. my other sisters and i stopped wanting to talk to her for a while there, because every conversation spiraled into a discussion of what a miserable childhood we had and how terrible our parents are. i am still living at home, and the situation, while still volatile, is overall better than when we were growing up. i have anxiety and ptsd, and i acknowledge that our home was/is fucked up. however, i love my parents, and still have a relationship with them (as does my sister, incidentally, despite everything). i’m in therapy as well, but my therapy is based on staying calm and coping skills, rather than endlessly discussing the past. discussing all the abuse makes me so anxious and depressed — i’d rather not think or talk about it. my sister keeps talking about these topics and sending me these articles about dealing with abusive parents. she’s trying to help me, and she also desperately needs my support, as i’m the only other person who 100% understands because i lived it, and can also offer support (my other sisters are too young). i can’t handle it anymore though, and today told her to please stop. aita for not being there for her in this? tl;dr: abusive parents, sister handles it by talking about it, i can’t handle talking about it and asked her to stop bringing it up to me. [/INST] nah you both seem to be going through different healing processes and unfortunately they’re not compatible. have you explained to your sister that this is not part of your process and not the way you need to do the work and that you are working through your own stuff with your therapist? i would simply ask her to stop and then if she doesn’t, stop taking it, don’t respond and if you have to, stop talking to her for a while. </s>
|
AITA for not sitting down during a concert?
|
so first event since covid really, first concert, it was a 90s party electric circus (aqua 2unlimited vengaboys)
i did get seats for us, we didn’t want to have to stand the whole 4.5 hours lol
my boyfriend and i stayed seated for the first 3 acts, and the second last one was vengaboys so we were so excited to dance!
then this guy behind us taps on our shoulders and tells us to “give it a rest” and “sit down” so they could see.
literally everyone in all the stands was up and dancing!
***edit for clarity: there may have been around 10 people in the arena not standing and dancing so not literally everyone******
we just told him to stand up if he wanted to see better, and that it was a party! just have fun!
and we also decided to stay standing for the entire set because it was awesome and we didn’t want his bad time to ruin our good time.
he kicked our chairs when we did sit down after and his girlfriend would not stop glaring at me
so am i the asshole for not sitting down during a concert??
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ptkqyu/aita_for_not_sitting_down_during_a_concert/
|
2021-09-23 01:36:47
|
nta. i am often bitter and cranky at people who won't sit down at concerts because i am old and fat and i need to sit but importantly, i am bitter and cranky in my head, because unless it is a serious singer songwriter type show, people are supposed to get up and dance if they are so moved. it is not my place to harsh their buzz.
|
i'm sorry. i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm just really trying to cope with this.
vengaboys. and aqua. concert. in 2021. both of them, together?
i'm not judging, i *swear* i'm not. i just don't understand how your brain didn't melt from this much hyper-sweet 90s pop in a concentrated period.
anyway, nta.
people dance at concerts, even in the seated area. it's just how it is. it's not a movie cinema, it's a music gig. they can stand if they want to see, or pay for seats at the front of the section. kicking your chairs after is just worrying.
and it's just absolutely not in the aqua/vengaboys spirit, what are they even doing there, shame on them.
|
nta. it’s vengaboys not the symphony
|
nta - assuming there isn't more to the story. i'm generally anti standing at all events and can't stand it when people do. however if everyone is standing i don't fault the people in front of me. it's a different story if they're the only one standing. i also expect it at events like that. we were at green day recently and people stood a lot which was annoying but expected.
> we just told him to stand up if he wanted to see better, and that it was a party! just have fun!
this statement is a bit of an asshole statement. you don't know the persons situation, whether they can stand for that long and such. also people enjoy things differently. i don't find standing fun.
|
nta. that's how concerts go. sitting is not the expected thing outside of certain genres, even when there are seats people want to be up and dancing as you said. accommodations for those who can't stand are (supposed to be) sorted out with the venue at time of ticket purchase. otherwise, it's a go with the flow kind of situation. i'm sure they had their reasons for wanting to sit, but their reaction to your refusal to sit was inappropriate. they were the ones unaware of the conventions around concerts.
|
nta.
bought tickets wanted to just sit and enjoy. but the person i front of me stood the whole time.
so what did i do i stood up too so i could see too.
the person behind me gave me a bit of attitude for me not sitting, but the way the seats were i really had no way of seeing.
i had a choice to stand and enjoy self even if i didn't really want to stand, or be miserable and sit.
thier choice was to be miserable.
|
nta. seems to be a pretty danceable show you describe.
this is the most classic of conflicts you describe. i recall going to a neil young show ages ago. he has some pretty lame fans and it was annoyingly tense as well.
the thing is, to sit or stand is a collective decision, not an individual one. it's not reasonable to expect someone to sit if those ahead of them are standing, they'd be unable to see. so there's no catch-all answer. even if there are seats, the crowd decides, and people who get nasty in that situation truly are ahs. one of the reasons i don't love arena shows, but i'd take anything right now.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so first event since covid really, first concert, it was a 90s party electric circus (aqua 2unlimited vengaboys) i did get seats for us, we didn’t want to have to stand the whole 4.5 hours lol my boyfriend and i stayed seated for the first 3 acts, and the second last one was vengaboys so we were so excited to dance! then this guy behind us taps on our shoulders and tells us to “give it a rest” and “sit down” so they could see. literally everyone in all the stands was up and dancing! ***edit for clarity: there may have been around 10 people in the arena not standing and dancing so not literally everyone****** we just told him to stand up if he wanted to see better, and that it was a party! just have fun! and we also decided to stay standing for the entire set because it was awesome and we didn’t want his bad time to ruin our good time. he kicked our chairs when we did sit down after and his girlfriend would not stop glaring at me so am i the asshole for not sitting down during a concert??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so first event since covid really, first concert, it was a 90s party electric circus (aqua 2unlimited vengaboys) i did get seats for us, we didn’t want to have to stand the whole 4.5 hours lol my boyfriend and i stayed seated for the first 3 acts, and the second last one was vengaboys so we were so excited to dance! then this guy behind us taps on our shoulders and tells us to “give it a rest” and “sit down” so they could see. literally everyone in all the stands was up and dancing! ***edit for clarity: there may have been around 10 people in the arena not standing and dancing so not literally everyone****** we just told him to stand up if he wanted to see better, and that it was a party! just have fun! and we also decided to stay standing for the entire set because it was awesome and we didn’t want his bad time to ruin our good time. he kicked our chairs when we did sit down after and his girlfriend would not stop glaring at me so am i the asshole for not sitting down during a concert?? [/INST] nta. i am often bitter and cranky at people who won't sit down at concerts because i am old and fat and i need to sit but importantly, i am bitter and cranky in my head, because unless it is a serious singer songwriter type show, people are supposed to get up and dance if they are so moved. it is not my place to harsh their buzz. </s>
|
AITA for expecting a person to pay for the food they ate? - and general etiquette when it comes to group dining
|
this was a couple of years ago but it ruined friendship so i need some perspective. simple facts: four of us were walking around london looking for a place to eat. usually, i plan ahead and scope out a restaurant but for some reason i didn't. it's getting late so we are in "let's just eat anywhere" mode. we passed a steakhouse that i've heard of before and knew was good so i suggested it. the friend in question (let's say holly) objected because "it's too fancy and i'm not dressed for that kind of place". we tell her it's okay and basically veto her objection. she then agrees to sit but "won't eat because i'm not hungry".
we sit down and proceed to order a shit ton of food as usual and plan to share everything. holly just orders a drink which isn't a big deal. the issue is that when the food comes, she eats a lot. she ate everything on that table; a proper 1/4 of the food. this wasn't just nibbles, she had a full meal.
the bill arrives and is around 200 pounds. everyone takes out their card except for holly. i ask for her card and she looks at me like i am the fucking medusa and says that she won't pay because she "didn't order anything". i'm not about to embarrass myself by arguing about money so i drop it quickly and don't respond.
that night after the bars, i confront her in private and tell her that she owes us money for the meal. she gets super defensive and it blows up to the point where we had a falling out and now we do not speak.
it's not even about the money honestly. it's a principle thing: if you eat, you pay. no exceptions. aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hdd6sn/aita_for_expecting_a_person_to_pay_for_the_food/
|
2020-06-21 19:46:21
|
esh, you should not have ignored her objection, and she should not have eaten that much.
if her budget was more like £20 than £50, she could have got a starter and a drink, but if i was put into that situation and went part-hungry cos my friends ignored my budget by such a big margin, i'd be pissed. the situation shouldn't have happened in the first place.
|
yta
she didn't want to go and made it clear she was uncomfortable with the type of restaurant, it doesn't take a genius to figure out why.
she couldn't afford it and was genuinely hungry.
you agreed as a group to eat in front of her and then expected her to pay partly for your meals.
yeah fair enough she did eat some, but jeeze you guys were scoffing steak and sides in front of her.
when you go out to eat it makes sense to tailor the restaurant to the person with the lowest budget and if you're unwilling to do that then you accept that they either can't come or you'll be footing their bill.
i mean over the course of a friendship is it really worth arguing about?
yta purely because you haven't considered her feelings at all and basically shamed her for you not being able to take a hint.
|
yta. normally you'd be more correct that people should pay for their own meals, but you vetoed her objections and then sat there sharing food in front of her and didn't expect her to eat anything? that makes 2 ta things you'd done before the check even came.
she clearly didn't want to go and spend the money.
apologize to her and consider the price of the food she ate a lesson in listening to peoples' concerns.
|
honestly you pushed her into a restaurant she clearly couldn’t afford and then punished her for eating food you and your friends most likely encouraged her to eat after she declined to order anything. yta
|
yta she dropped a big hint that she didn’t have the money to eat there, she felt cornered socially, she dropped another hint that she didn’t have the money when she ordered just the drink and even after that you put her on the spot in public to embarrass her. especially after you ordered all that food. so what if she ate the food? you don’t know what’s going on in her life. that might have been her only meal that day, she might have lost her job or be out of money because she had to lend it to her parents for something. she might be struggling with an eating disorder that no one knows about and you threw her under the proverbial bus. once you suggested the steak house that puts you in the position of being the person who invited everyone. etiquette states the person who invited pays the bill, usually when it’s a group of friends they all take turns paying. you just ruined a friendship because you decided to be a bitch. with friends like you, who needs enemies.
|
[deleted]
|
yta how did you not figure out she couldn't afford it
| null | null | null |
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| null | null | null | 0.001294 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this was a couple of years ago but it ruined friendship so i need some perspective. simple facts: four of us were walking around london looking for a place to eat. usually, i plan ahead and scope out a restaurant but for some reason i didn't. it's getting late so we are in "let's just eat anywhere" mode. we passed a steakhouse that i've heard of before and knew was good so i suggested it. the friend in question (let's say holly) objected because "it's too fancy and i'm not dressed for that kind of place". we tell her it's okay and basically veto her objection. she then agrees to sit but "won't eat because i'm not hungry". we sit down and proceed to order a shit ton of food as usual and plan to share everything. holly just orders a drink which isn't a big deal. the issue is that when the food comes, she eats a lot. she ate everything on that table; a proper 1/4 of the food. this wasn't just nibbles, she had a full meal. the bill arrives and is around 200 pounds. everyone takes out their card except for holly. i ask for her card and she looks at me like i am the fucking medusa and says that she won't pay because she "didn't order anything". i'm not about to embarrass myself by arguing about money so i drop it quickly and don't respond. that night after the bars, i confront her in private and tell her that she owes us money for the meal. she gets super defensive and it blows up to the point where we had a falling out and now we do not speak. it's not even about the money honestly. it's a principle thing: if you eat, you pay. no exceptions. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this was a couple of years ago but it ruined friendship so i need some perspective. simple facts: four of us were walking around london looking for a place to eat. usually, i plan ahead and scope out a restaurant but for some reason i didn't. it's getting late so we are in "let's just eat anywhere" mode. we passed a steakhouse that i've heard of before and knew was good so i suggested it. the friend in question (let's say holly) objected because "it's too fancy and i'm not dressed for that kind of place". we tell her it's okay and basically veto her objection. she then agrees to sit but "won't eat because i'm not hungry". we sit down and proceed to order a shit ton of food as usual and plan to share everything. holly just orders a drink which isn't a big deal. the issue is that when the food comes, she eats a lot. she ate everything on that table; a proper 1/4 of the food. this wasn't just nibbles, she had a full meal. the bill arrives and is around 200 pounds. everyone takes out their card except for holly. i ask for her card and she looks at me like i am the fucking medusa and says that she won't pay because she "didn't order anything". i'm not about to embarrass myself by arguing about money so i drop it quickly and don't respond. that night after the bars, i confront her in private and tell her that she owes us money for the meal. she gets super defensive and it blows up to the point where we had a falling out and now we do not speak. it's not even about the money honestly. it's a principle thing: if you eat, you pay. no exceptions. aita? [/INST] esh, you should not have ignored her objection, and she should not have eaten that much. if her budget was more like £20 than £50, she could have got a starter and a drink, but if i was put into that situation and went part-hungry cos my friends ignored my budget by such a big margin, i'd be pissed. the situation shouldn't have happened in the first place. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to go to a family reunion ?
|
i (16f) was always an “outcast” in my family. my accomplishments were never talked about and i was rarely invited to birthday parties, reunions and etc. because i didn’t do so well academically and had dreams that were “too ambitious”.
i started modelling not too long ago and my aunts happened to see me on one of the posters in a mall. she texted me asking if that was me.
aunt: hi ___, did you start modelling recently?
me: hi! yes i did hahah, why do you ask?
aunt: *sends picture* i saw this in one of the shops and was wondering if that was you!
me: oh haha yes it is! i’m currently with xyz agency!
aunt: oh okay! happy for you!
me: thank you!
later in the year, my aunt (not the same one) had asked whether i wanted to join her and the extended family for my cousins birthday, since the rest of the family wanted to catch up with me. i politely declined as 1. they didn’t bother talking to me until they saw that i was doing something better than some of my cousins and 2. i did not want to spend time with them after they all though i was “fat” and “incompetent”. luckily my aunt did not push for a reasoning and left it as that.
however, my extended family asked why i didn’t show and i lied saying that i was busy with some personal issues and they scolded me by saying that my cousins birthday was more important and i showed them that i didn’t care about them. they proceeded to post passive aggressive messages on social media targeted towards me.
some of my cousins, my parents and friends say that i have every right to not go but some of my family members think i’m an ah for skipping out on something important and being petty.
so, aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uqvh1v/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_a_family_reunion/
|
2022-05-16 13:02:47
|
nta; even if you were close to them you aren’t obligated to go. it is most likely the case that they are gonna want something from you
|
nta. i am a firm believer that you shouldn't put yourself in situations where you feel uncomfortable and even unwanted. the way your extended family reacted isn't very nice. they should respect your decision.
however, that being said, if i were you i probably would have gone to the event even for a little while to see if the invitation was genuine. maybe they are trying to make amends?
in any case, your parents seem to agree with your decision. don't feel bad about this, some people, even blood relations, have no place in our lives.
|
nta. they can’t exclude you for years, then suddenly want you back in the fold because you’re succeeding. you’re not obligated to do anything you don’t want to do. family or not, they’re not entitled to your time. best of luck with your modeling! i hope they have to see you *everywhere* they go shopping from now on.
|
nta
if they consider you not worthy of family reunions before, when they thought you were not living up to their standards, why should they be entitled to your presence, when it would shine on them? and even without any prior behavior considered, no one is obliged to join reunions anyway.
op, just do your think and don't care about anyone who acknowledges family only if it suits them.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (16f) was always an “outcast” in my family. my accomplishments were never talked about and i was rarely invited to birthday parties, reunions and etc. because i didn’t do so well academically and had dreams that were “too ambitious”. i started modelling not too long ago and my aunts happened to see me on one of the posters in a mall. she texted me asking if that was me. aunt: hi ___, did you start modelling recently? me: hi! yes i did hahah, why do you ask? aunt: *sends picture* i saw this in one of the shops and was wondering if that was you! me: oh haha yes it is! i’m currently with xyz agency! aunt: oh okay! happy for you! me: thank you! later in the year, my aunt (not the same one) had asked whether i wanted to join her and the extended family for my cousins birthday, since the rest of the family wanted to catch up with me. i politely declined as 1. they didn’t bother talking to me until they saw that i was doing something better than some of my cousins and 2. i did not want to spend time with them after they all though i was “fat” and “incompetent”. luckily my aunt did not push for a reasoning and left it as that. however, my extended family asked why i didn’t show and i lied saying that i was busy with some personal issues and they scolded me by saying that my cousins birthday was more important and i showed them that i didn’t care about them. they proceeded to post passive aggressive messages on social media targeted towards me. some of my cousins, my parents and friends say that i have every right to not go but some of my family members think i’m an ah for skipping out on something important and being petty. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (16f) was always an “outcast” in my family. my accomplishments were never talked about and i was rarely invited to birthday parties, reunions and etc. because i didn’t do so well academically and had dreams that were “too ambitious”. i started modelling not too long ago and my aunts happened to see me on one of the posters in a mall. she texted me asking if that was me. aunt: hi ___, did you start modelling recently? me: hi! yes i did hahah, why do you ask? aunt: *sends picture* i saw this in one of the shops and was wondering if that was you! me: oh haha yes it is! i’m currently with xyz agency! aunt: oh okay! happy for you! me: thank you! later in the year, my aunt (not the same one) had asked whether i wanted to join her and the extended family for my cousins birthday, since the rest of the family wanted to catch up with me. i politely declined as 1. they didn’t bother talking to me until they saw that i was doing something better than some of my cousins and 2. i did not want to spend time with them after they all though i was “fat” and “incompetent”. luckily my aunt did not push for a reasoning and left it as that. however, my extended family asked why i didn’t show and i lied saying that i was busy with some personal issues and they scolded me by saying that my cousins birthday was more important and i showed them that i didn’t care about them. they proceeded to post passive aggressive messages on social media targeted towards me. some of my cousins, my parents and friends say that i have every right to not go but some of my family members think i’m an ah for skipping out on something important and being petty. so, aita? [/INST] nta; even if you were close to them you aren’t obligated to go. it is most likely the case that they are gonna want something from you </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to share my second room?
|
i am moving in to a house with 3 other people. there are 5 rooms of varying size (2 downstairs, 3 upstairs). one person got one of the downstairs rooms which we all agreed with, so there were 4 rooms left for 3 of us to delegate.
since the rooms varied in size, what we originally agreed on was that we would do a raffle draw, where everyone picks their room in the order that they are drawn. we knew that this would obviously mean that whoever is drawn third would get the smaller room, but we all agreed with letting randomness leave one person with the short end of the stick.
since there would be an extra room, the original agreement was also that the extra 5th room would be a communal room for all 4 of us.
person a got drawn first and they picked the remaining downstairs room. person b got drawn second and they picked the big upstairs room. i got drawn last and i got the smallest room.
the next day, person a, person b, and me had a conversation, and we agreed that i would get the fifth room to myself (so i would have the two smaller rooms).
a couple of days later, person b changed their mind and said that it was actually unfair that i get the two rooms, which combined have a larger area than the one big room he originally chose. person b's argument is that when we originally chose rooms, none of us knew that having both of those rooms was an option. since he got drawn second, he shouldn't have the smaller living area since that was the original agreement.
one problem i have is that i already moved in to both rooms. he is saying i don't have to move my stuff out, but rather that we should share the 5th room among just the two of us (the other 2 roomates are okay with this). i don't want to share the room though. it is true that he is now getting less living area, but he was part of the conversation where we all agreed i could have the 5th room for myself. he says he didn't have enough time to think about it, and that he was clearly uncomfortable with the dec
ision at the time, he just didn't officially say anything until a couple of days later.
aita for not wanting to share the 5th room?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o3v0qs/aita_for_not_wanting_to_share_my_second_room/
|
2021-06-20 01:55:17
|
nah yet.
offer to switch and you get big room and he gets 2 little. if he doesn't take the offer, then 2 little isn't a better deal and he can fuck off.
if he does take the deal, then you get a big room and don't have to deal with disparate stuff.
|
nah. to make it completely fair give him the choice to have 2 small rooms and you take the large room or him keep the large room and you get the 2 small.
yes both agreements have changed but this seems like a compromise to honor them both. luck of the draw and the person with the smallest room gets 2.
|
esh - seems like everyone is changing the agreement to fit their needs. my advice, since it's pretty obvious some rooms are larger than others, base your rent on square foot. this way the people who get the bigger room are paying more than the people with the smaller room and if someone wants the extra room for themselves, they are paying for it.
|
esh. you all made a really dumb group decision about how you were going to allocate bedrooms, and then you wheedled your way into changing the deal in a way that is more favorable to you, and now are upset that people resent you for it. .
if you want to make it right, offer to switch with him (big room for two little rooms). yes, you will have to move all your stuff, and yes that sucks. alternatively, you can put your foot down and make everyone more mad just after you moved in together.
|
esh. the raffle idea was horrible for a long term decision like this, which led to people overthinking it and getting jealous, and making demands like they are now. i think that you deserve both rooms, but i can see how he's mad about it now. he should've thought about it beforehand, though, so i don't think he really deserves it.
|
esh - plans were made and people changed their minds. having two rooms and paying the same amount of rent seems unfair. you are *just* moving in and already having problems. is this something you want to dea with for a full year?
| null | null | null | null |
NAH
|
NAH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
| null | null | null | null | 0.327364 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am moving in to a house with 3 other people. there are 5 rooms of varying size (2 downstairs, 3 upstairs). one person got one of the downstairs rooms which we all agreed with, so there were 4 rooms left for 3 of us to delegate. since the rooms varied in size, what we originally agreed on was that we would do a raffle draw, where everyone picks their room in the order that they are drawn. we knew that this would obviously mean that whoever is drawn third would get the smaller room, but we all agreed with letting randomness leave one person with the short end of the stick. since there would be an extra room, the original agreement was also that the extra 5th room would be a communal room for all 4 of us. person a got drawn first and they picked the remaining downstairs room. person b got drawn second and they picked the big upstairs room. i got drawn last and i got the smallest room. the next day, person a, person b, and me had a conversation, and we agreed that i would get the fifth room to myself (so i would have the two smaller rooms). a couple of days later, person b changed their mind and said that it was actually unfair that i get the two rooms, which combined have a larger area than the one big room he originally chose. person b's argument is that when we originally chose rooms, none of us knew that having both of those rooms was an option. since he got drawn second, he shouldn't have the smaller living area since that was the original agreement. one problem i have is that i already moved in to both rooms. he is saying i don't have to move my stuff out, but rather that we should share the 5th room among just the two of us (the other 2 roomates are okay with this). i don't want to share the room though. it is true that he is now getting less living area, but he was part of the conversation where we all agreed i could have the 5th room for myself. he says he didn't have enough time to think about it, and that he was clearly uncomfortable with the dec ision at the time, he just didn't officially say anything until a couple of days later. aita for not wanting to share the 5th room?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am moving in to a house with 3 other people. there are 5 rooms of varying size (2 downstairs, 3 upstairs). one person got one of the downstairs rooms which we all agreed with, so there were 4 rooms left for 3 of us to delegate. since the rooms varied in size, what we originally agreed on was that we would do a raffle draw, where everyone picks their room in the order that they are drawn. we knew that this would obviously mean that whoever is drawn third would get the smaller room, but we all agreed with letting randomness leave one person with the short end of the stick. since there would be an extra room, the original agreement was also that the extra 5th room would be a communal room for all 4 of us. person a got drawn first and they picked the remaining downstairs room. person b got drawn second and they picked the big upstairs room. i got drawn last and i got the smallest room. the next day, person a, person b, and me had a conversation, and we agreed that i would get the fifth room to myself (so i would have the two smaller rooms). a couple of days later, person b changed their mind and said that it was actually unfair that i get the two rooms, which combined have a larger area than the one big room he originally chose. person b's argument is that when we originally chose rooms, none of us knew that having both of those rooms was an option. since he got drawn second, he shouldn't have the smaller living area since that was the original agreement. one problem i have is that i already moved in to both rooms. he is saying i don't have to move my stuff out, but rather that we should share the 5th room among just the two of us (the other 2 roomates are okay with this). i don't want to share the room though. it is true that he is now getting less living area, but he was part of the conversation where we all agreed i could have the 5th room for myself. he says he didn't have enough time to think about it, and that he was clearly uncomfortable with the dec ision at the time, he just didn't officially say anything until a couple of days later. aita for not wanting to share the 5th room? [/INST] nah yet. offer to switch and you get big room and he gets 2 little. if he doesn't take the offer, then 2 little isn't a better deal and he can fuck off. if he does take the deal, then you get a big room and don't have to deal with disparate stuff. </s>
|
AITA for not connecting with my new pet?
|
my (16f) brother (13m) has wanted a pet rabbit for a few years now. my family has only owned dogs, and we have a wonderful dog who i’m very close with.
when my brother started to talk about getting a rabbit, i didn’t think it was a good idea. i’m kind of the “practical one” in my family and since rabbits need constant care, i thought it would be exciting when we first got it, but we would quickly get tired of it.
for xmas, my parents surprised us with a rabbit and everyone expected me to be very excited, but i was still cautious and i honestly didn’t think it was a good idea.
it’s march now, and i’m having trouble connecting with the rabbit. my brother and i have weekly chores and a big part of that is taking care of the bunny. remembering to feed him, changing his litter box, etc. i’ve only ever had dogs, so this has been a big change. my family is obsessed with this rabbit, and they’re starting to get annoyed with my lack of a relationship with him. i think it’s unfair to expect me to love something that i didn’t want and thought was a bad idea in the first place.
i don’t mind having him around, but i’m starting to get tired of taking care of something that i never asked for or wanted. my dog is very sad and jealous about how much attention the rabbit is getting and it breaks my heart to see my family neglecting the pet we were all so close with. i’ll go to college in a few years anyway, but i’m just not sure if i’m being unreasonable. thanks.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lzdeew/aita_for_not_connecting_with_my_new_pet/
|
2021-03-06 22:59:54
|
nta, your family gave you a chore. you never wanted a rabbit and now you have to do half the work? that seems pretty ridiculous.
|
nta offer to take over main care of the dog, because your other pet should not be ignored just because there's a shiny new one. that's shitty.
|
nta. you did not want this pet and i do not think it is fair that you are responsible for its care. rabbits are so much work. i would never get a rabbit even though i adore them. they are just too much work for me. i’m a cat person.
i’d request to take on more of the dog’s care or other chores and leave the rabbit chores to the people who wanted a rabbit. i’d resent being responsible for an animal that i did not want.
|
info: do you dislike the actual bunny or are you letting being pissed at your family keeping you from bonding? bunny had no control over the circumstances if his arrival.
|
nta and you're seriously wonderful for doing your part in taking care of it bc i would've just said no from the start lol. if my brother wanted a bunny he could take care of his bunny.
and a few years may seem like it's not much time but trust me it will drag on and you should be spending that time with your dog. maybe talk to your parents and brother and see if you can swap where you take on your brother's share of dog-chores and in return he takes your share of rabbit-chores. that way both animals still get full time care, your dog doesn't feel as sad, and you don't have to put work into something you explicitly argued against getting.
|
considering forcing a pet on someone is never a good idea plus you can't force a relationship with anyone. sometimes people click and sometimes they don't.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (16f) brother (13m) has wanted a pet rabbit for a few years now. my family has only owned dogs, and we have a wonderful dog who i’m very close with. when my brother started to talk about getting a rabbit, i didn’t think it was a good idea. i’m kind of the “practical one” in my family and since rabbits need constant care, i thought it would be exciting when we first got it, but we would quickly get tired of it. for xmas, my parents surprised us with a rabbit and everyone expected me to be very excited, but i was still cautious and i honestly didn’t think it was a good idea. it’s march now, and i’m having trouble connecting with the rabbit. my brother and i have weekly chores and a big part of that is taking care of the bunny. remembering to feed him, changing his litter box, etc. i’ve only ever had dogs, so this has been a big change. my family is obsessed with this rabbit, and they’re starting to get annoyed with my lack of a relationship with him. i think it’s unfair to expect me to love something that i didn’t want and thought was a bad idea in the first place. i don’t mind having him around, but i’m starting to get tired of taking care of something that i never asked for or wanted. my dog is very sad and jealous about how much attention the rabbit is getting and it breaks my heart to see my family neglecting the pet we were all so close with. i’ll go to college in a few years anyway, but i’m just not sure if i’m being unreasonable. thanks.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (16f) brother (13m) has wanted a pet rabbit for a few years now. my family has only owned dogs, and we have a wonderful dog who i’m very close with. when my brother started to talk about getting a rabbit, i didn’t think it was a good idea. i’m kind of the “practical one” in my family and since rabbits need constant care, i thought it would be exciting when we first got it, but we would quickly get tired of it. for xmas, my parents surprised us with a rabbit and everyone expected me to be very excited, but i was still cautious and i honestly didn’t think it was a good idea. it’s march now, and i’m having trouble connecting with the rabbit. my brother and i have weekly chores and a big part of that is taking care of the bunny. remembering to feed him, changing his litter box, etc. i’ve only ever had dogs, so this has been a big change. my family is obsessed with this rabbit, and they’re starting to get annoyed with my lack of a relationship with him. i think it’s unfair to expect me to love something that i didn’t want and thought was a bad idea in the first place. i don’t mind having him around, but i’m starting to get tired of taking care of something that i never asked for or wanted. my dog is very sad and jealous about how much attention the rabbit is getting and it breaks my heart to see my family neglecting the pet we were all so close with. i’ll go to college in a few years anyway, but i’m just not sure if i’m being unreasonable. thanks. [/INST] nta, your family gave you a chore. you never wanted a rabbit and now you have to do half the work? that seems pretty ridiculous. </s>
|
AITA for interfering in my SIL's parenting and rewarding my nephew during a punishment?
|
my wife and her younger sister are really close, best friend type sisters. as a result, we've spent a lot time with my sil's kids and she's spent a lot of time with ours. we've we live a couple hours apart, but we've still babysat for each other, helped with homework and school projects, gone on trips together, and spent holidays together.
we have two kids that are older, my youngest son is in college now. my sil and bil have five kids from 3 to 17. this conflict is about my 17-year-old nephew. my nephew just started his senior year and is a good kid. he helps out with his siblings a lot, is generally respectful, and is involved in a lot of school activities. a year and a half ago when he was a sophomore he was having trouble in his chemistry class. he was failing the class by spring and wasn't able bring his grade up, so he had to go to summer school.
my sil and bil punished him harshly, in my opinion. he was grounded and had to quit all his spring semester actives and get an after school job. he also was not allowed to go on the big family summer disney vacation. (this isn't something they do every year either, it would have been his first trip to disney ever.) my sil and bil had him stay with us for the week while they were gone. i admit i wasn't happy from the start about taking part in punishing the kid.
i tried to make it easier on him while he was staying with us. we let him sleep in and didn't pressure him to do anything he didn't want to. we also went to dinner a couple times. one night we were walking after dinner and popping into some stores. my nephew saw this jacket he really, really liked. he tried it on and liked it even more. like i said it was summer, and the jacket was on sale from the previous season, it had been a couple hundred dollars and was on final clearance for $65. he clearly loved it, so i bought it for him. my nephew was shocked, and i've never seen a kid light up so much about a piece of clothing.
my sil was really angry when they got back from vacation. she said i'd rewarded him while he was being punished and taken away from the lesson. my nephew wore the jacket all last year, and he's taken social media profile pictures in it. he's thanked me for it at least 10 times. i'm glad he still loves it, but this also means it's still an issue for my sil.
she claims i really overstepped, and that him getting one of his favorite things when he was supposed to be being punished teaches him there aren't consequences. my wife thinks i should apologize just to smooth things over. i don't really know that i agree. i didn't tell my sil and bil how to parent, i didn't refuse to participate, i just bought my nephew a jacket.
(for what it's worth, my nephew passed chemistry in summer school just fine. he'd already done so before he came to stay with us. he had much less trouble in school his junior year.)
aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iqvmlc/aita_for_interfering_in_my_sils_parenting_and/
|
2020-09-11 17:55:35
|
nta. the punishment wasn't that he couldn't have new clothes, the punishment was not going on the trip.
|
nta. they were wayyyy to harsh on their child for failing one class. chemistry itself can be hard for students, i know i struggled with it toward the end of the school that year.
it sounds like you and your wife are kind of a second set of parents to these kids, i’m the same way with my oldest nephew and his sister.
there’s nothing wrong with buying something as simple as a jacket for your nephew. it’s not like it was a new game system or something flashy. it’s an item he can wear daily and will actually use.
his parents were way too harsh with his so called “punishment”. making him quit his school activities was too much, along with the trip to disney. that could be a once in a lifetime trip and he missed so many memories because his parents wanted to show that they believe his grades are worth more than he is.
his parent are definitely ta here and i’m happy that you bought him a jacket he treasures so much.
|
nta and don't let your wife force to you apologize to "smooth things over" because her sister is awful
|
nta. your sil is overly harsh with her son, but you did not do anything that can be considered as overstepping your nephew's punishment which are : grounded, stop activities, get a job, missed a holiday. buying him a jacket does not negate any of those punishment.
|
nta, he was staying at your house. the punishment was pretty harsh and sounds like it was meant to shame him door failing rather than helping him to pass the class. wtf does getting a job have to do with passing chemistry?
|
info: did your sil give you and your wife conditions for him staying with you? did she explicitly say he should be grounded while at your place / not be allowed out with friends / etc.?
|
what in the world???? nta. you weren't rewarding him for failing his class. he was staying with you while they left him behind and you got him a jacket. that's it. geez, his parents sound horrible. i do not like punishments that far surpass the infraction. they went too far with cancelling his spring activities. you did nothing wrong and you do not need to apologize.
|
info just for clarification when he stayed with you it was after he retook the class correct?
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null | null | 0.027063 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and her younger sister are really close, best friend type sisters. as a result, we've spent a lot time with my sil's kids and she's spent a lot of time with ours. we've we live a couple hours apart, but we've still babysat for each other, helped with homework and school projects, gone on trips together, and spent holidays together. we have two kids that are older, my youngest son is in college now. my sil and bil have five kids from 3 to 17. this conflict is about my 17-year-old nephew. my nephew just started his senior year and is a good kid. he helps out with his siblings a lot, is generally respectful, and is involved in a lot of school activities. a year and a half ago when he was a sophomore he was having trouble in his chemistry class. he was failing the class by spring and wasn't able bring his grade up, so he had to go to summer school. my sil and bil punished him harshly, in my opinion. he was grounded and had to quit all his spring semester actives and get an after school job. he also was not allowed to go on the big family summer disney vacation. (this isn't something they do every year either, it would have been his first trip to disney ever.) my sil and bil had him stay with us for the week while they were gone. i admit i wasn't happy from the start about taking part in punishing the kid. i tried to make it easier on him while he was staying with us. we let him sleep in and didn't pressure him to do anything he didn't want to. we also went to dinner a couple times. one night we were walking after dinner and popping into some stores. my nephew saw this jacket he really, really liked. he tried it on and liked it even more. like i said it was summer, and the jacket was on sale from the previous season, it had been a couple hundred dollars and was on final clearance for $65. he clearly loved it, so i bought it for him. my nephew was shocked, and i've never seen a kid light up so much about a piece of clothing. my sil was really angry when they got back from vacation. she said i'd rewarded him while he was being punished and taken away from the lesson. my nephew wore the jacket all last year, and he's taken social media profile pictures in it. he's thanked me for it at least 10 times. i'm glad he still loves it, but this also means it's still an issue for my sil. she claims i really overstepped, and that him getting one of his favorite things when he was supposed to be being punished teaches him there aren't consequences. my wife thinks i should apologize just to smooth things over. i don't really know that i agree. i didn't tell my sil and bil how to parent, i didn't refuse to participate, i just bought my nephew a jacket. (for what it's worth, my nephew passed chemistry in summer school just fine. he'd already done so before he came to stay with us. he had much less trouble in school his junior year.) aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and her younger sister are really close, best friend type sisters. as a result, we've spent a lot time with my sil's kids and she's spent a lot of time with ours. we've we live a couple hours apart, but we've still babysat for each other, helped with homework and school projects, gone on trips together, and spent holidays together. we have two kids that are older, my youngest son is in college now. my sil and bil have five kids from 3 to 17. this conflict is about my 17-year-old nephew. my nephew just started his senior year and is a good kid. he helps out with his siblings a lot, is generally respectful, and is involved in a lot of school activities. a year and a half ago when he was a sophomore he was having trouble in his chemistry class. he was failing the class by spring and wasn't able bring his grade up, so he had to go to summer school. my sil and bil punished him harshly, in my opinion. he was grounded and had to quit all his spring semester actives and get an after school job. he also was not allowed to go on the big family summer disney vacation. (this isn't something they do every year either, it would have been his first trip to disney ever.) my sil and bil had him stay with us for the week while they were gone. i admit i wasn't happy from the start about taking part in punishing the kid. i tried to make it easier on him while he was staying with us. we let him sleep in and didn't pressure him to do anything he didn't want to. we also went to dinner a couple times. one night we were walking after dinner and popping into some stores. my nephew saw this jacket he really, really liked. he tried it on and liked it even more. like i said it was summer, and the jacket was on sale from the previous season, it had been a couple hundred dollars and was on final clearance for $65. he clearly loved it, so i bought it for him. my nephew was shocked, and i've never seen a kid light up so much about a piece of clothing. my sil was really angry when they got back from vacation. she said i'd rewarded him while he was being punished and taken away from the lesson. my nephew wore the jacket all last year, and he's taken social media profile pictures in it. he's thanked me for it at least 10 times. i'm glad he still loves it, but this also means it's still an issue for my sil. she claims i really overstepped, and that him getting one of his favorite things when he was supposed to be being punished teaches him there aren't consequences. my wife thinks i should apologize just to smooth things over. i don't really know that i agree. i didn't tell my sil and bil how to parent, i didn't refuse to participate, i just bought my nephew a jacket. (for what it's worth, my nephew passed chemistry in summer school just fine. he'd already done so before he came to stay with us. he had much less trouble in school his junior year.) aita? [/INST] nta. the punishment wasn't that he couldn't have new clothes, the punishment was not going on the trip. </s>
|
AITA for giving my parents an ultimatum about moving?
|
i have a special needs older brother that cannot live alone, he will always rely on someone, it’s just his condition. that someone has been my parents since he was born and it will be me when they get too old/pass on. i volunteered and want to, i love him and can’t picture anyone else doing it. besides, it’s better me than strangers. i am also a single woman, childless. so i can better handle him, with help of other family members when the time comes.
the issue is, recently my parents decided they wanted to move out of state. they’re both retired. obviously my brother would go with them. however, they expected me to go, they didn’t even ask. they say because they plan to be there until the end-not to be morbid-and my brother needs stability. it would already be a huge transition to move him, but then to have to move him again after they died, would be hell. i agree, but it’s like they didn’t consider me or my job or my current life.
i gave them a few options: we could transition my brother living with me now so he’s in the same area, same doctors, etc. or i move with them, but they cover my expenses during my transition with finding work, settling down, etc.
they think both of those options are unfair. i think it’s unfair to not think of me during this period. the best option, in my opinion, would be for him to transition to living with me. our parents could visit, but then he wouldn’t have to move, and it’s gonna happen anyway. (my brother is not of sound enough mind to make this choice by the way, so we have to make it.)
now, they’re talking about moving at all. my uncle says i’m an ungrateful brat. am i?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d1hfay/aita_for_giving_my_parents_an_ultimatum_about/
|
2019-09-08 21:42:55
|
nta. you have given up enough of your independence already. it's a shame that your wants/feelings are not being considered at all.
|
nta - how in the world are you an ungrateful brat? ungrateful for what??? you have full rights to live your own adult life in the manner and location you choose. you are voluntarily choosing to accept the responsibility for your brother and his care when your parents are not able to do so anymore - which is awesome. being willing to do that does not mean that you have to move because your parents wish to. you have your own place, your job, your support systems in place now where you are - the very stuff that let's you be in a position to offer to care for your brother and they want to rip that all away without regards to what it means to you. your parents may be blinded by either love of your brother or a decrease in their reasoning ability due to age, i don't know - but your uncle definitely falls into the ah category and possibly your parents as well.
|
nta. you're considering your brother's well being and your parents didn't really consider either his or yours.
|
nta. your uncle needs to mind his business. especially since you're even willing to make the move, you just want your expenses covered during the transition. i think what you're asking is more than fair.
|
have you looked to see which state offers better social services for your brother? does the state and area your parents want to move to offer positions in your field? why can't your parents give you time to find a job in that area before moving?
|
nta - you’re being very generous as it is op. jesus.
what is your uncles logic for the ungrateful comment? have you been leaning on them financially or something?
|
woah, this is unbelievable. absolutely nta.
parents of special needs kids spend a great deal of time fretting about what will happen to their adult children when they are gone. your parents don't have to worry about this, because you have - selflessly - agreed to become your brother's carer.
i was a carer for a relative for many years, and it is brutal. the fact that you have offered to do this is amazing.
however, frankly, your parents suck. your uncle even more so. the fact that they, firstly, didn't consider your current job/life/living arrangements when making their plans, and then refuse to compensate you for the huge upheaval to your life/finances.... sheesh.
live-in care costs a fortune. residential care can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. your parents want to move for a lower cost of living, but they are essentially shifting those costs to you. i'm astonished that they should be taking you for granted like this. and as for your uncle... my god.
|
nta in any way. your uncle can fuck off. i think both of your suggestions were more than reasonable.
|
nta, a million times nta. you're so reasonable that in the dictionary under 'reasonable,' there should be a picture of you. that's how reasonable you are. what is the rest of your family smoking?
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a special needs older brother that cannot live alone, he will always rely on someone, it’s just his condition. that someone has been my parents since he was born and it will be me when they get too old/pass on. i volunteered and want to, i love him and can’t picture anyone else doing it. besides, it’s better me than strangers. i am also a single woman, childless. so i can better handle him, with help of other family members when the time comes. the issue is, recently my parents decided they wanted to move out of state. they’re both retired. obviously my brother would go with them. however, they expected me to go, they didn’t even ask. they say because they plan to be there until the end-not to be morbid-and my brother needs stability. it would already be a huge transition to move him, but then to have to move him again after they died, would be hell. i agree, but it’s like they didn’t consider me or my job or my current life. i gave them a few options: we could transition my brother living with me now so he’s in the same area, same doctors, etc. or i move with them, but they cover my expenses during my transition with finding work, settling down, etc. they think both of those options are unfair. i think it’s unfair to not think of me during this period. the best option, in my opinion, would be for him to transition to living with me. our parents could visit, but then he wouldn’t have to move, and it’s gonna happen anyway. (my brother is not of sound enough mind to make this choice by the way, so we have to make it.) now, they’re talking about moving at all. my uncle says i’m an ungrateful brat. am i?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have a special needs older brother that cannot live alone, he will always rely on someone, it’s just his condition. that someone has been my parents since he was born and it will be me when they get too old/pass on. i volunteered and want to, i love him and can’t picture anyone else doing it. besides, it’s better me than strangers. i am also a single woman, childless. so i can better handle him, with help of other family members when the time comes. the issue is, recently my parents decided they wanted to move out of state. they’re both retired. obviously my brother would go with them. however, they expected me to go, they didn’t even ask. they say because they plan to be there until the end-not to be morbid-and my brother needs stability. it would already be a huge transition to move him, but then to have to move him again after they died, would be hell. i agree, but it’s like they didn’t consider me or my job or my current life. i gave them a few options: we could transition my brother living with me now so he’s in the same area, same doctors, etc. or i move with them, but they cover my expenses during my transition with finding work, settling down, etc. they think both of those options are unfair. i think it’s unfair to not think of me during this period. the best option, in my opinion, would be for him to transition to living with me. our parents could visit, but then he wouldn’t have to move, and it’s gonna happen anyway. (my brother is not of sound enough mind to make this choice by the way, so we have to make it.) now, they’re talking about moving at all. my uncle says i’m an ungrateful brat. am i? [/INST] nta. you have given up enough of your independence already. it's a shame that your wants/feelings are not being considered at all. </s>
|
AITA for being uncomfortable with my dad dating my football coach
|
me and my brother are identical twins (15m) and our mom died 3 yrs ago of cancer so it's just been us and our dad for a time. we all still miss her alot and our dad was hit that hardest. he didn't go out as much or has ever been really happy until recently he started coming out of his grief and seemed to be doing a lot better in the last few months.
turns out our dad rekindled an old highschool relationship with our football coach and they've been sort of dating in secret for few months now( dad is bi and we've always known this ,not a big deal). we found out friday when my brother caught them out at the same romantic restaurant he was taking his gf too.
when they got home that night dad finally told us what was going on and he asked us for our blessing on him continuing dating coach and told us to take a few days to think about it. my brother gave his blessing right then ,bit i took the weekend to think about and after some thought the whole things makes me uncomfortable knowing that my dad is dating someone else in authority over me especially after they hid it and it honestly doesn't sit well with me seeing him with anyone else other than mom... so today i told him no i didn't give my blessing. he said fine and that since it wasn't unanimous between me and my brother he'd break it of with our coach. i could tell he looked dejected... and my brother thinks i'm being childish, aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pf0t2r/aita_for_being_uncomfortable_with_my_dad_dating/
|
2021-08-31 07:10:31
|
nah - you should talk to your dad about why you said no. the position of authority thing is a pretty good reason. the part where it makes you uncomfortable that he dates someone else is...not as good a reason in the long run.
if he misses companionship in his life, hes just going to get sadder and lonelier with that absence. you need to open yourself to him dating someone else eventually.
dating someone else doesn’t mean he’ll ever stop loving your mom.
|
aw man, this is really sad. your dad loves you so damn much that he’ll end the first thing that has made him happy in 3 years just so that you can be *comfortable.* goddamnit. this hurts bc this is how much i love my kid, i’ve given her my entire life. i’ve given up so much for my child, including professional happiness and romantic happiness. but she’s in elementary school and i’m a single mom who has no one to help me take care of her, so i didn’t really have a choice. you and your brother are grown ass high schoolers and your poor dad still isn’t allowed to live his life. that fucking sucks dude!
you’re absolutely right about your dad’s boyfriend’s position of authority over you being weird and less than ideal. but maybe you can make it work. there is nothing illegal, unethical, or immoral about a teacher or coach dating a child’s parent. it happens literally *all* the time. every day. in one case in my high school it resulted in a happy marriage.
maybe you can be the one to accommodate your dad this time, since your coach makes him happy and he hasn’t been happy in so long. remember everything this man has done for you. remember how much he sacrificed for you. is it really not possible for you to ride this out for a little while? to simply deal with this awkward thing like my friend did in high school when her mom dated (and then married) our social studies teacher? my friend didn’t love it, bc it was awkward as hell, but she didn’t *forbid* it like some kind of emotional tyrant. she wanted her mom to be happy.
or maybe you can join a different football team? or something?
as a parent i can tell you that your dad probably thinks of you and your brother most of the day, every single day, for your entire lives. maybe for just a goddamn minute you can think of your dad’s life and happiness too. just this once?
|
i hate saying this but yes in this situation yta. its been 3 years since your mum died and your dad has the right to be happy. he's being a good guy putting your feelings over his own but at some point you need to accept the fact he's ready to move on and live his life. i can understand you being uncomfortable with him seeing your coach but not being happy seeing him with anyone other than your mum isn't fair on him.
|
dude, for how long you’re gonna be in that school? he’s not gonna be your football coach much longer. you’re being really selfish right now. soft yta.
|
nah i think it's just a bit of lack of communication, tell your dad how you feel and set any boundaries but i don't think anyone here acted in an ah way tbh
|
i’m sorry for your loss.. about your dad, i think he deserves to be happy, even if it’s difficult and makes you uncomfortable. maybe over time, you will get more adjusted to it and it won’t seem like a big deal - especially since school won’t last forever while the relationship might last a long time. it’s hard enough to find a partner, even more one that makes us so happy like your dad was the last couple of months. sorry but i do think in this case yta
|
nah.
understandable why your dad kept it secret.
understandable why you're not comfortable with it.
|
info: how much longer will you have to train under this coach? if it's only like a year or so, do you really wanna throw away your dad's happiness over one year of you being mildly inconvenienced?
|
esh: i’m almost 100% sure your dad actually made a post in here a while back.
|
question: your reasoning you gave your father was the coach having authority over you and that made you uncomfortable. if the coach wasn’t your coach, would you have been ok with their relationship?
|
NAH
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
INFO
|
ESH
| null | 0.372059 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me and my brother are identical twins (15m) and our mom died 3 yrs ago of cancer so it's just been us and our dad for a time. we all still miss her alot and our dad was hit that hardest. he didn't go out as much or has ever been really happy until recently he started coming out of his grief and seemed to be doing a lot better in the last few months. turns out our dad rekindled an old highschool relationship with our football coach and they've been sort of dating in secret for few months now( dad is bi and we've always known this ,not a big deal). we found out friday when my brother caught them out at the same romantic restaurant he was taking his gf too. when they got home that night dad finally told us what was going on and he asked us for our blessing on him continuing dating coach and told us to take a few days to think about it. my brother gave his blessing right then ,bit i took the weekend to think about and after some thought the whole things makes me uncomfortable knowing that my dad is dating someone else in authority over me especially after they hid it and it honestly doesn't sit well with me seeing him with anyone else other than mom... so today i told him no i didn't give my blessing. he said fine and that since it wasn't unanimous between me and my brother he'd break it of with our coach. i could tell he looked dejected... and my brother thinks i'm being childish, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me and my brother are identical twins (15m) and our mom died 3 yrs ago of cancer so it's just been us and our dad for a time. we all still miss her alot and our dad was hit that hardest. he didn't go out as much or has ever been really happy until recently he started coming out of his grief and seemed to be doing a lot better in the last few months. turns out our dad rekindled an old highschool relationship with our football coach and they've been sort of dating in secret for few months now( dad is bi and we've always known this ,not a big deal). we found out friday when my brother caught them out at the same romantic restaurant he was taking his gf too. when they got home that night dad finally told us what was going on and he asked us for our blessing on him continuing dating coach and told us to take a few days to think about it. my brother gave his blessing right then ,bit i took the weekend to think about and after some thought the whole things makes me uncomfortable knowing that my dad is dating someone else in authority over me especially after they hid it and it honestly doesn't sit well with me seeing him with anyone else other than mom... so today i told him no i didn't give my blessing. he said fine and that since it wasn't unanimous between me and my brother he'd break it of with our coach. i could tell he looked dejected... and my brother thinks i'm being childish, aita? [/INST] nah - you should talk to your dad about why you said no. the position of authority thing is a pretty good reason. the part where it makes you uncomfortable that he dates someone else is...not as good a reason in the long run. if he misses companionship in his life, hes just going to get sadder and lonelier with that absence. you need to open yourself to him dating someone else eventually. dating someone else doesn’t mean he’ll ever stop loving your mom. </s>
|
Aita for telling my sister off in front of our parents
|
my sister (25) let's call her annie, always likes to tell my parents everything about me even if she doesn't know if what she's telling is true.
i (19) just recently moved out of my parents house which was super hard because they like to baby me and made seem like i was abandoning them or wouldn't be able to make it out on my own.
annie came over for a surprise visit to bring me a new things for my house and happened to come when my boyfriend was over putting together my wall unit for me, i been with my boyfriend for a little under a year and kept him a secret because my parents believe they can choose who i can or cannot date.
i when i went to the front door i seen my sister through the peep hole and opened the door a little bit, enough for me to see her but not enough for annie to see inside, annie push the door open and says i got new stuff for you let me help you set it up and ends up seeing my boyfriend.
she asks who he is and i tell her that he's my boyfriend and ask her to keep it a secret because i wanna wait to see if things are super serious before introducing him to our parents, she looks at my boyfriend with disgust and says our parents will hate him and that he looks like one of those trashy rappers.
she ends up agreeing not to say anything and leaves shortly after, the next day my parents show up at my house with my sister angry because my sister told them that i have a secret boyfriend and that i'm trying to hide a pregnancy. when i ask my sister whats going on she say something along the lines of your pregnant you need our help, when i asked her why in the world she'd think that i'm pregnant and say you gained a lot of weight and i thought i seen a pregnancy test wrapper in your garage.
it really pissed me off because there is was no pregnancy test wrappers in the garbage, i was literally on my period, so i told her to f off with your bullshit and to stop acting all high in mighty when she was doing much more then having a secret boyfriend behind our parents backs and stated listing all the things she did.
of course my parents were beyond angry and started questioning my sister, i ended up kicking them all when things started to get too crazy for me.
my older brother thinks what i did was overboard because i know how my parents are and now my parents are threatening to disown annie.
i feel like annie tried to get me disown and that she deserves the taste of her own medicine.
am i the asshole for telling my sister off in front of my parents
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l4sdqu/aita_for_telling_my_sister_off_in_front_of_our/
|
2021-01-25 17:15:24
|
nta. your sister is toxic af. like she needs professional help. pathological liar. you should go no contact with her. you don't need that in your life.
|
nta. annie had it coming for making things up about you. maybe if she didn’t want her true antics exposed she shouldn’t have told her parents ridiculous lies about you.
good luck with your new place and boyfriend! sounds like you really needed your own place away from the family drama.
|
[deleted]
|
what did you tell your parents about what your sister has done??
|
do people usually keep their pregnancy wrappers in the garage? asking for a friend.
|
nta. she's projecting and displacing emotions.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister (25) let's call her annie, always likes to tell my parents everything about me even if she doesn't know if what she's telling is true. i (19) just recently moved out of my parents house which was super hard because they like to baby me and made seem like i was abandoning them or wouldn't be able to make it out on my own. annie came over for a surprise visit to bring me a new things for my house and happened to come when my boyfriend was over putting together my wall unit for me, i been with my boyfriend for a little under a year and kept him a secret because my parents believe they can choose who i can or cannot date. i when i went to the front door i seen my sister through the peep hole and opened the door a little bit, enough for me to see her but not enough for annie to see inside, annie push the door open and says i got new stuff for you let me help you set it up and ends up seeing my boyfriend. she asks who he is and i tell her that he's my boyfriend and ask her to keep it a secret because i wanna wait to see if things are super serious before introducing him to our parents, she looks at my boyfriend with disgust and says our parents will hate him and that he looks like one of those trashy rappers. she ends up agreeing not to say anything and leaves shortly after, the next day my parents show up at my house with my sister angry because my sister told them that i have a secret boyfriend and that i'm trying to hide a pregnancy. when i ask my sister whats going on she say something along the lines of your pregnant you need our help, when i asked her why in the world she'd think that i'm pregnant and say you gained a lot of weight and i thought i seen a pregnancy test wrapper in your garage. it really pissed me off because there is was no pregnancy test wrappers in the garbage, i was literally on my period, so i told her to f off with your bullshit and to stop acting all high in mighty when she was doing much more then having a secret boyfriend behind our parents backs and stated listing all the things she did. of course my parents were beyond angry and started questioning my sister, i ended up kicking them all when things started to get too crazy for me. my older brother thinks what i did was overboard because i know how my parents are and now my parents are threatening to disown annie. i feel like annie tried to get me disown and that she deserves the taste of her own medicine. am i the asshole for telling my sister off in front of my parents
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister (25) let's call her annie, always likes to tell my parents everything about me even if she doesn't know if what she's telling is true. i (19) just recently moved out of my parents house which was super hard because they like to baby me and made seem like i was abandoning them or wouldn't be able to make it out on my own. annie came over for a surprise visit to bring me a new things for my house and happened to come when my boyfriend was over putting together my wall unit for me, i been with my boyfriend for a little under a year and kept him a secret because my parents believe they can choose who i can or cannot date. i when i went to the front door i seen my sister through the peep hole and opened the door a little bit, enough for me to see her but not enough for annie to see inside, annie push the door open and says i got new stuff for you let me help you set it up and ends up seeing my boyfriend. she asks who he is and i tell her that he's my boyfriend and ask her to keep it a secret because i wanna wait to see if things are super serious before introducing him to our parents, she looks at my boyfriend with disgust and says our parents will hate him and that he looks like one of those trashy rappers. she ends up agreeing not to say anything and leaves shortly after, the next day my parents show up at my house with my sister angry because my sister told them that i have a secret boyfriend and that i'm trying to hide a pregnancy. when i ask my sister whats going on she say something along the lines of your pregnant you need our help, when i asked her why in the world she'd think that i'm pregnant and say you gained a lot of weight and i thought i seen a pregnancy test wrapper in your garage. it really pissed me off because there is was no pregnancy test wrappers in the garbage, i was literally on my period, so i told her to f off with your bullshit and to stop acting all high in mighty when she was doing much more then having a secret boyfriend behind our parents backs and stated listing all the things she did. of course my parents were beyond angry and started questioning my sister, i ended up kicking them all when things started to get too crazy for me. my older brother thinks what i did was overboard because i know how my parents are and now my parents are threatening to disown annie. i feel like annie tried to get me disown and that she deserves the taste of her own medicine. am i the asshole for telling my sister off in front of my parents [/INST] nta. your sister is toxic af. like she needs professional help. pathological liar. you should go no contact with her. you don't need that in your life. </s>
|
WIBTA for taking my girlfriend’s sister with me to comic con when my girlfriend is fighting with her?
|
currently my gf and her sister, meg are not on speaking terms. i’ll spare you the details but my gf basically feels like meg was always the golden child and that their parents always favored her and that meg always held this over her and made her feel lesser. she has a whole complex around that (and she’s in therapy for it) and it often causes arguments between them, which is what’s happening now.
anyways, meg and i have plans to go to san diego international comic con later this month and i would still like to go with her. we have a ton of fun things planned. we’re gong to seaworld, legoland, a nice japanese steakhouse we’ve both been looking forward to going to and a ton of other fun things. we’ve been planning the trip for a few months and i don’t think the fact that my gf is mad at meg means i can’t go on the trip.
i totally understand my gf’s feelings and i support her in that, i just think i should be allowed to remain friends with meg on my own.
wibta if i still go with her?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vrcb9a/wibta_for_taking_my_girlfriends_sister_with_me_to/
|
2022-07-04 17:15:05
|
yta you’re being very dismissive of your gf and these plans are inappropriate given the circumstances of your relationship. i would break up with you if you chose my sister over me like everyone else.
|
esh. you say you support your gf in this but it really doesn’t come across that way. the way you talk about her “complex” does not seem like you’re concerned with the emotional impact it has on her.
i also don’t understand why you can’t do all this stuff with your girlfriend instead. this is all super datey stuff
|
yta. if you are not on her side - what are you? just a hook up.
for the moral side - you're supposed o stand with your partner no matter what, especially when it comes to their family. you don't put other people in their family before them, and you certainly don't put lego land before them.
for the practical side - your gf certainly won't stay your gf long after that. if you'll go its the point of no return, you'll have a month at best. probably less.
if by any chance you would decide to take your head out of your butt and decide your gf is actually more important to you then lego land, and your holy right to be "friend with her family" - than you must cancel the trip, never ever again make plans with her sister, leave her family alone and go look for friends to do stuff with outside of her family. her family are not a resource for your entertainment/friendship needs.
alas, i read the comments and i see you are unable to comprehend the basics of being loyal to your gf and respecting her emotions - so this is what will happen:
1. you would go to the trip.
2. while your there your gf would sit alone eating movies about how everyone in her life including bf care about her sister more hen her.
3. she would realize she doesn't need that shit.
4. she would break up with you over text while you're at lego land.
5. you would be mad and distraught.
6. her sister would comfort you and bad mouth her sister.
7. you would fall for her in the thrones of despair, rejection and seaworld.
8. you would have a nice steak dinner and tones of sex.
9. you would return as a couple and keep it a secret for a few months.
10. you come out to everybody and the family is happy as the golden child got the guy.
11. ex-gf realizes she doesn't need *that* shit.
12. cuts contact with toxic family and with her new ah detector and independence able to find a good man.
13. sister ends up married to the ah and you're married to a spoiled princess. on your legoland wedding invitation it says 'i can be friends with whoever i want' and 'can't a man and woman just be friend??'
14. the end.
|
sooo are you sure meg isn't your gf because everything you listed sounds like a trip for sos not friends, your gf is in therapy for how she was treated by not only her parents but by her sister and here you are picking her sister over her. hopefully she, the gf, finds a man who'll focus on her and not her sister. yta.
|
info
i see a lot of whiney comments from op about "what about my feelings?" and not much caring for the gf's feelings.
op, has meg been egging you on? has meg been validating your stance an telling you that you deserve this trip and to enjoy yourself? is she supporting you and saying that yes, gf is being "her usual self" and making up all these "feelings" and you're supposed to deprive yourself of a good time just because she chose to start a fight with meg?
|
esh
but be prepared for your relationship to be over when you return and to forever damage what little relationship is left between the sisters.
if that's fine with you then go and have a good time.
|
yta , i believe you should support your significant other. and it is a bit dodgy you going away with her sister. even if you don't have intentions she might? either way , i personally wouldnt accept it. maybe meg is using this to get to her sister.
|
yta- the relationship between sisters is more important than your friendship with your gf sister. this could seriously impact them ever working through their issues.
cancel to support your gf, explain to the sister that your gf is your priority (a supportive sister would agree you should put her first) then go and use the funds to do something just the two of you. and hopefully make up for the comic con at a later date when things are settled.
tbh the sister is the biggest ah for still wanting to go and isn't much of a "friend' to you, as she knows that going is going to cause conflict between you and her sister. sounds like your gf has a point about her sister. even when i have hated my sister (for normal sister stuff) i would never try and get in-between her relationship and i am also good friends with my bil.
|
well what does your girlfriend have to say about this?
|
so you're going on a long vacation doing activities that you normally do with your partner? and you're taking her sister instead? that's.. wow.
>we’re gong to seaworld, legoland, a nice japanese steakhouse
if i were your gf i'd break up with you. i get along with my brother in law, but if he ever asked this, wow would i not agree in a heartbeat. yta majorly. comic con is one thing but you are literally acting like you're into your girlfriends sister more than your girlfriend. then you also dismiss her feelings about her sister. i want to ask, how long have you been into the sister as well? because this isn't normal.
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.016912 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: currently my gf and her sister, meg are not on speaking terms. i’ll spare you the details but my gf basically feels like meg was always the golden child and that their parents always favored her and that meg always held this over her and made her feel lesser. she has a whole complex around that (and she’s in therapy for it) and it often causes arguments between them, which is what’s happening now. anyways, meg and i have plans to go to san diego international comic con later this month and i would still like to go with her. we have a ton of fun things planned. we’re gong to seaworld, legoland, a nice japanese steakhouse we’ve both been looking forward to going to and a ton of other fun things. we’ve been planning the trip for a few months and i don’t think the fact that my gf is mad at meg means i can’t go on the trip. i totally understand my gf’s feelings and i support her in that, i just think i should be allowed to remain friends with meg on my own. wibta if i still go with her?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
currently my gf and her sister, meg are not on speaking terms. i’ll spare you the details but my gf basically feels like meg was always the golden child and that their parents always favored her and that meg always held this over her and made her feel lesser. she has a whole complex around that (and she’s in therapy for it) and it often causes arguments between them, which is what’s happening now. anyways, meg and i have plans to go to san diego international comic con later this month and i would still like to go with her. we have a ton of fun things planned. we’re gong to seaworld, legoland, a nice japanese steakhouse we’ve both been looking forward to going to and a ton of other fun things. we’ve been planning the trip for a few months and i don’t think the fact that my gf is mad at meg means i can’t go on the trip. i totally understand my gf’s feelings and i support her in that, i just think i should be allowed to remain friends with meg on my own. wibta if i still go with her? [/INST] yta you’re being very dismissive of your gf and these plans are inappropriate given the circumstances of your relationship. i would break up with you if you chose my sister over me like everyone else. </s>
|
AITA for trying to avoid my brother after he had a screaming fit?
|
i (14m) have a younger brother (11m) who was pampered by my parents. my mother and said to me multiple times that we are spoiled children (or were in the past) and that she can’t do extravagant things for us anymore due to a cut in pay and job position. i’ve taken to saving money for purchases but my brother tries to make all my purchases “family purchases”.
in april of 2021 i purchased a ps4 on my birthday, and he immediately demanded and account on it and games he wanted after my father set me up an account to get me started.
my brother continues to do things like this and can’t take a simple no.
yesterday my mother wanted to go a shop to buy photo frames while me and my brother were playing games. he’s taken to playing a specific game on his phone nonstop and when my mother asked to go we had been playing games for an hour and a half already.
i called that i would like to finish my game but my mother refused so i turned it off. my brother, however began a screaming match (which is common and is one sided, with him just yelling at my mum) and he had a temper tantrum. by the time we left i was seething with him as this happens on the regular and i was rather fed up.
when we got home i decided to do some reading and he kept pestering me to play his phone game with him (which i also play but in moderation- i have half the play hours he does). when i kept telling him no he began to cry to my mum that i was being unfair to him (which is also a regular occurrence). my mum blew him off and said she was tired of him doing this all the time.
my father is the only person that seems to acknowledge and actively punish bad behavior (he’ll remove gaming time if we misbehave repeatedly). but when he tries to enforce rules on me and my brother my mother argues with him that we’re “just boys” and to “not start things” all while my brother is having a screaming fit and refuses to exit his room. he’ll pull this card even if we just need to go to tesco (a uk supermarket chain).
the final straw was yesterday when i had stated that i wanted to play one of my single player games during my hour of gaming. he flew off the rails after i told him i wouldn’t play his phone game with him and later he walked into my room, sat on my chair (where i had just got up to get a pen) and began playing his phone game.
this was after he ran out all the hot water and hid in his room for an hour, which delayed a movie night i was very excited to have to the point where it was cancelled.
i told him to get out and go to bed- it was 9:00- and he began crying and yelling, “what did i do?” and “how do i deserve this?” my mum told me to stop starting on him, and i just went to bed. i’ve been trying to avoid him since and he seems upset and now i feel guilty.
so reddit, aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/peekpb/aita_for_trying_to_avoid_my_brother_after_he_had/
|
2021-08-30 09:24:17
|
nta. you need to have a conversation with your mom and dad about how mom’s behavior is enabling your brother to act like that. maybe talk to your dad first about your feelings as he would probably know how to approach her.
children naturally push boundaries and they will keep going until they find a limit. if every time someone imposes a limit to your brother she intervenes and plays the “stop starting” card, she’s removing that limit and allowing him to keep doing what he’s doing.
please ensure to do so in a calm environment when people can give you attention and when your brother is not around. i’d have such talks with my dad when walking the dog, for example.
|
nta
you are not responsible for your brother's behaviour. i have a similar dynamic in my house, with my two sons. my younger son is difficult to say the least. but it is up to your parents to manage and attempt to address his behaviour. i say attempt to address, as sometimes parents will not be successful
brothers do fight, brothers do annoy each other. however from what you have said, your brother is overreacting. he also cannot expect you to entertain him. i have said the same thing to my youngest time and time again - that if he is bored, he needs to manage to find things to entertain himself. you cannot be expected to entertain him whenever it is convenient to him, as that isn't how life works.
i don't have the magic answer here, if i did, i wouldn't have a similar issue in my own family. but you are not the arsehole for sometimes not wanting to spend your 1 hour of gaming time doing what he wants. if you refused every time, that would be different, but we also have to acknowledge that as you get older your interests and what you want to do are going to diverge a lot more.
|
**nta most people would distance themselves too**
|
nta. at 11, your brother needs to learn there are consequences for his actions. since it seems your parents don’t have the best handle on his behavior at the moment, perhaps you can do what you can to make your own time with him more manageable. it seems you do play with him often (good on you!), you could make game time with you contingent on his behavior. if he throws a tantrum, he loses his chance to play with you that day/next day. if he behaves, he earns an hour of game time with you. i have two boys of my own and i am very aware that little brothers that age think nothing is cooler than anything to do with their big brother, so this might be a big motivator for him. you also might be able to talk to your parents about this and see if you could have an additional block of time (it seems your mom gives you a specific amount for gaming each day?) especially for this that doesn’t take away from your personal game time. it may also help you not be so frustrated when you have some control of the consequences for your brother’s tantrums. good luck!
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (14m) have a younger brother (11m) who was pampered by my parents. my mother and said to me multiple times that we are spoiled children (or were in the past) and that she can’t do extravagant things for us anymore due to a cut in pay and job position. i’ve taken to saving money for purchases but my brother tries to make all my purchases “family purchases”. in april of 2021 i purchased a ps4 on my birthday, and he immediately demanded and account on it and games he wanted after my father set me up an account to get me started. my brother continues to do things like this and can’t take a simple no. yesterday my mother wanted to go a shop to buy photo frames while me and my brother were playing games. he’s taken to playing a specific game on his phone nonstop and when my mother asked to go we had been playing games for an hour and a half already. i called that i would like to finish my game but my mother refused so i turned it off. my brother, however began a screaming match (which is common and is one sided, with him just yelling at my mum) and he had a temper tantrum. by the time we left i was seething with him as this happens on the regular and i was rather fed up. when we got home i decided to do some reading and he kept pestering me to play his phone game with him (which i also play but in moderation- i have half the play hours he does). when i kept telling him no he began to cry to my mum that i was being unfair to him (which is also a regular occurrence). my mum blew him off and said she was tired of him doing this all the time. my father is the only person that seems to acknowledge and actively punish bad behavior (he’ll remove gaming time if we misbehave repeatedly). but when he tries to enforce rules on me and my brother my mother argues with him that we’re “just boys” and to “not start things” all while my brother is having a screaming fit and refuses to exit his room. he’ll pull this card even if we just need to go to tesco (a uk supermarket chain). the final straw was yesterday when i had stated that i wanted to play one of my single player games during my hour of gaming. he flew off the rails after i told him i wouldn’t play his phone game with him and later he walked into my room, sat on my chair (where i had just got up to get a pen) and began playing his phone game. this was after he ran out all the hot water and hid in his room for an hour, which delayed a movie night i was very excited to have to the point where it was cancelled. i told him to get out and go to bed- it was 9:00- and he began crying and yelling, “what did i do?” and “how do i deserve this?” my mum told me to stop starting on him, and i just went to bed. i’ve been trying to avoid him since and he seems upset and now i feel guilty. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (14m) have a younger brother (11m) who was pampered by my parents. my mother and said to me multiple times that we are spoiled children (or were in the past) and that she can’t do extravagant things for us anymore due to a cut in pay and job position. i’ve taken to saving money for purchases but my brother tries to make all my purchases “family purchases”. in april of 2021 i purchased a ps4 on my birthday, and he immediately demanded and account on it and games he wanted after my father set me up an account to get me started. my brother continues to do things like this and can’t take a simple no. yesterday my mother wanted to go a shop to buy photo frames while me and my brother were playing games. he’s taken to playing a specific game on his phone nonstop and when my mother asked to go we had been playing games for an hour and a half already. i called that i would like to finish my game but my mother refused so i turned it off. my brother, however began a screaming match (which is common and is one sided, with him just yelling at my mum) and he had a temper tantrum. by the time we left i was seething with him as this happens on the regular and i was rather fed up. when we got home i decided to do some reading and he kept pestering me to play his phone game with him (which i also play but in moderation- i have half the play hours he does). when i kept telling him no he began to cry to my mum that i was being unfair to him (which is also a regular occurrence). my mum blew him off and said she was tired of him doing this all the time. my father is the only person that seems to acknowledge and actively punish bad behavior (he’ll remove gaming time if we misbehave repeatedly). but when he tries to enforce rules on me and my brother my mother argues with him that we’re “just boys” and to “not start things” all while my brother is having a screaming fit and refuses to exit his room. he’ll pull this card even if we just need to go to tesco (a uk supermarket chain). the final straw was yesterday when i had stated that i wanted to play one of my single player games during my hour of gaming. he flew off the rails after i told him i wouldn’t play his phone game with him and later he walked into my room, sat on my chair (where i had just got up to get a pen) and began playing his phone game. this was after he ran out all the hot water and hid in his room for an hour, which delayed a movie night i was very excited to have to the point where it was cancelled. i told him to get out and go to bed- it was 9:00- and he began crying and yelling, “what did i do?” and “how do i deserve this?” my mum told me to stop starting on him, and i just went to bed. i’ve been trying to avoid him since and he seems upset and now i feel guilty. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta. you need to have a conversation with your mom and dad about how mom’s behavior is enabling your brother to act like that. maybe talk to your dad first about your feelings as he would probably know how to approach her. children naturally push boundaries and they will keep going until they find a limit. if every time someone imposes a limit to your brother she intervenes and plays the “stop starting” card, she’s removing that limit and allowing him to keep doing what he’s doing. please ensure to do so in a calm environment when people can give you attention and when your brother is not around. i’d have such talks with my dad when walking the dog, for example. </s>
|
AITA for not giving up my snail?
|
i adopted three giant land snails after somebody posted that they no longer wanted them. i was ecstatic as i had been wanting snails for ages and knew how to take care of them.
when i initially got them, my mum mentioned how one of her work colleagues recently had her snail pass, and how "she would have loved one". i sort of nodded along because it was a passing comment, or so i assumed.
fast forward to today, my mum springs on me that she's promised her colleague a snail. naturally i'm shocked and ask her to clarify. she brings up the comment made and i argue that it was a throwaway comment and no discussion was had about any of this prior. as i had been the one doing all of the care, i didn't feel good about getting rid of one because they're my pets and stood my ground with it.
she called me an ah and told me that i ruined her whole day and made her miserable and that she can't understand my reasoning, so now i feel like a scumbag. i just want to know if i really am ta.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ozcce6/aita_for_not_giving_up_my_snail/
|
2021-08-06 18:19:06
|
nta. she didn’t discuss this with you and promised your pets to her colleague. then she got upset when you visibly declined and complained about there being no communication. they’re your pets!
|
**nta**. those are your pets; they're not like little party favors to hand out, they're **your** pets. you didn't "ruin her whole day and make her miserable." your mum did that to herself because **she** promised her colleague one of **your** pets and just expected you to be okay with it. (if you don't live with her/rely on her in any way) tell her to stop taking it out on you and next time don't make a promise that she knows she can't keep.
|
nta, they are your pet. she doesn't get to give them away to anyone without your consent. she is the one that ruined her own day, not you
|
nta, not even a little bit, in any way. your mom treated your pets like some kind of throwaway community property. they're not hers to offer or promise to anyone. at best, she should have said to you, hey, if you're not planning to keep all three, can i offer one to this coworker who would like to have one? then you say no, and that's the end of the story. she never even asked you about it. i absolutely hate when parents do this to their kids. your children's property is not up for grabs. it belongs to someone. you can't just give away a kid's things. do not feel bad about keeping your snails. they're yours and no one else's. but also don't be surprised if one of them goes missing, because your mom doesn't think she has to respect your ownership or your boundaries.
|
nta - you cant give away other people's pets without asking... pretty basic here.
&#x200b;
on another note, i was surprised so many people wanted snails, but after a google search they look pretty cool!
|
nta
your mom made a preemptive promise hoping that would coerce you into giving up one of your snails. you didn't agree to anything and she can't can't or at least shouldn't force you into giving up your pets if you don't want to. you were right to stand your ground.
|
nta first off
this might be a silly question and maybe i’ve been living under a rock or something but people have pet snails?? like i know what a giant snail is but i’ve never heard of someone having one as a pet and on top of that there being another person that wants the snail??
i’m so intrigued.
|
nta. your mom had no business promising that without definite clearance from you. if she’s embarrassed at having to backtrack now, that’s on her.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i adopted three giant land snails after somebody posted that they no longer wanted them. i was ecstatic as i had been wanting snails for ages and knew how to take care of them. when i initially got them, my mum mentioned how one of her work colleagues recently had her snail pass, and how "she would have loved one". i sort of nodded along because it was a passing comment, or so i assumed. fast forward to today, my mum springs on me that she's promised her colleague a snail. naturally i'm shocked and ask her to clarify. she brings up the comment made and i argue that it was a throwaway comment and no discussion was had about any of this prior. as i had been the one doing all of the care, i didn't feel good about getting rid of one because they're my pets and stood my ground with it. she called me an ah and told me that i ruined her whole day and made her miserable and that she can't understand my reasoning, so now i feel like a scumbag. i just want to know if i really am ta.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i adopted three giant land snails after somebody posted that they no longer wanted them. i was ecstatic as i had been wanting snails for ages and knew how to take care of them. when i initially got them, my mum mentioned how one of her work colleagues recently had her snail pass, and how "she would have loved one". i sort of nodded along because it was a passing comment, or so i assumed. fast forward to today, my mum springs on me that she's promised her colleague a snail. naturally i'm shocked and ask her to clarify. she brings up the comment made and i argue that it was a throwaway comment and no discussion was had about any of this prior. as i had been the one doing all of the care, i didn't feel good about getting rid of one because they're my pets and stood my ground with it. she called me an ah and told me that i ruined her whole day and made her miserable and that she can't understand my reasoning, so now i feel like a scumbag. i just want to know if i really am ta. [/INST] nta. she didn’t discuss this with you and promised your pets to her colleague. then she got upset when you visibly declined and complained about there being no communication. they’re your pets! </s>
|
AITA For not considering a friend’s emotional support dog therapist note when planning a vacation?
|
"linda" and i just had our first baby. i have paternity leave scheduled during september and we booked an airbnb in the mountains. the place does not allow pets.
the airbnb has three bedrooms. after booking it we decided it would be nice to invite another couple. they said it sounded fun.
"diva" asked us if she could bring her dog with a therapist note, and then when we said we didn't like that idea decided to reach out to the airbnb owner directly to ask for an exception without discussing it with us.
**diva(verbatim via sms):** “he’s not just a dog to me. he’s an adventure dog and i hate leaving him in the kennel. i think everyone has a different dynamic with their animals."
"nico" wanted her drop this, and put their dog in the kennel as they’ve done before when traveling.
the next morning linda sent a group message saying:
“diva and nico, we love you guys and hope you know that.
fido is not invited on this trip.
it would give me (and caleb) anxiety to have him there for a number of reasons. \[baby\] is unfamiliar with fido, and vice versa. we are not comfortable having a dog in a pet free rental. and the entire dynamic of a vacation is changed when pet-care is involved.
we were hurt by your innuendo that we somehow care less for our pets than you do. we feel you overstepped a boundary by reaching out to the host directly, to make requests we don’t agree with, without having a discussion with us first. we hoped that this would be something we could all look forward to, and be excited about.
diva, we were unaware that you might be medically unable to leave fido. we hope you are still able to join us, and we would look forward to enjoying the time together.
love, linda and caleb.”
**diva:** “y’all enjoy. we’re not coming.”
**linda & me:** “understood”, \[thumbs up\]
**diva:** “in fido’s defense he’s low maintenance and great around babies and kids. but that’s irrelevant now. i’m also offended that he wasn’t considered since i consider him family.”
**me:** “we booked a vacation for ourselves, had some extra space, and then thought it would be nice to invite our friends. fido was not a consideration at all. you two are still invited if you change your mind between now and september. we love you guys.”
**diva:** “\[thumbs up emoji\] enjoy. we’re still not coming.”
nico feels caught in the middle. the two of us are fine. it feels a bit like our relationship with diva may be permanently damaged.
we don’t want to be disrespectful of anyone’s mental health disabilities. we were trying to do something nice. now this trip has a huge dark cloud around it, and we feel like shit (but we don’t feel wrong).
we pulled the ‘anxiety card’ in linda’s message because that is what diva’s therapist support-dog note is for… so we figured there would be no grounds for her to push back on that un-hypocritically.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nw9ta2/aita_for_not_considering_a_friends_emotional/
|
2021-06-09 23:51:11
|
nta
they were def out of line to reach out to the host without your permission. you did absolutely nothing wrong.
|
nta. it's your vacation. you set the boundaries. she broke them. you were gracious and understanding in your response to her *and* repeat of your initial invitation. don't let it put a dark cloud over your joy and invite someone else as she has made it clear they're not coming.
|
nta. the idea that their dog is an “adventure dog” and somehow superior to your dog is insulting. it also makes it perfectly clear that diva cares more about the dog’s interests than she does getting to have her alleged emotional support animal with her for her own sake. it’s clearly not a real need. also nobody should insist on bringing their dog around a brand new baby. additionally, it’s your vacation that you booked—that means that your rules win.
|
nta-i have a service dog, not an emotional support animal and if someone in your position was gracious enough to invite me to share an airbnb that was no pets i would’ve thanked them and declined not gone over their heads because i consider myself so special that rules don’t apply to me.
|
nta - it's an emotional support animal, not a service animal. while long term housing rentals are required (when applicable) to allow esa's, short term rentals are not required to do so as they are not covered by the fair housing act. it was inappropriate for diva to reach out the the owner of the rental, since she is not the one renting it. if she won't or can't travel without her dog, that doesn't make her an asshole. but her entitled response to being told you booked a pet free rental as if you owe her a dog friendly vacation does make her an asshole.
|
> we pulled the ‘anxiety card’ in linda’s message because that is what diva’s therapist support-dog note is for… so we figured there would be no grounds for her to push back on that un-hypocritically.
this. some people are uncomfortable around dogs or other animals, but somehow, this discomfort is expected to take a back seat to a person's unwillingness to leave their pet behind.
and make no mistake; an 'emotional support animal' is a pet. they are not trained service animals. pretty much anyone who has a pet they love derives some 'emotional support' from the animal; getting a note from a therapist doesn't mean you're more special than anyone else. if you have a legitimate disability where you *need* a dog (or whatever), then get a certified service animal.
at my last job, i was working the till. we had the lanes paired together, then the registers, so the cashiers would be next to each other if there were enough lanes open; imagine cllccllc, etc, where 'c' is a cashier, and 'l' is a lane. anyways, the girl next to me is ringing some guy through when his dog literally jumps up on her (not aggressively, but just excitedly), and she's taken aback. officially, pets weren't allowed in the store, but we normally let it slide if no problems were caused. i informed the guy that pets weren't allowed, and he just went off on me, yelling that it was an 'assistance dog', and that he'd already showed a card stating such, but (conveniently) wouldn't show me.
another time, some guy was standing with his dog a little ways from the checkouts, and i was standing around because i had no customers. i looked away, and when i looked back, there was a fresh turd beside the dog. the guy looks down at it, looks around, and then starts to walk away. i called out "excuse me, sir, *is that your dog's?*" he tried to act as though it wasn't from his dog, but i shamed him into picking it up. the fucker was just going to leave it there.
*these* are examples of why some places have no-pet policies. trained service animals are different, and they do not behave in this manner.
we have a cat, and i for one would feel uncomfortable boarding her or leaving her at home alone for more than one night. i wouldn't want to go on vacation and be separated from her for multiple days, and i think she would likewise be distressed being separated from us. none of those things entitle us to bring her into a 'no pets allowed' environment.
|
nta - diva sounds very high maintenence if she has to bring her pet everywhere. you might look for other friends.
|
nta
the nature of this dog keeps changing. is it an "adventure dog"? (what the heck is an "adventure dog"?) an emotional support animal? it seems they go title-shopping for the dog until they find something that lets them bring the dog despite rules against pets.
it clearly isn't a trained service dog, which i consider to be the only reasonable exception to a "no pets" rule. because a trained service dog is trained, in a way that an "emotional support" or "adventure" dog isn't, to behave and be self-controlled in situations where a pet isn't appropriate.
|
nta. you handled the situation with great aplomb. she's not used to someone setting boundaries for her, and she's hoping she can pressure you into changing your mind. stick to your guns, and don't let it cast a cloud on your trip. her personality disorder is no reason for you to have to suffer.
you didn't damage your relationship with diva. she put her dog before you, linda, and your baby. i hope you can manage to wipe diva's slimy-slime off the trip. she has some serious balls, and you're well-shed of her manipulations. she would have ruined your trip.
|
nta my dog is like my child but when i go on vacation she goes to grandpa and grandma's house. where she has a freaking blast.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: "linda" and i just had our first baby. i have paternity leave scheduled during september and we booked an airbnb in the mountains. the place does not allow pets. the airbnb has three bedrooms. after booking it we decided it would be nice to invite another couple. they said it sounded fun. "diva" asked us if she could bring her dog with a therapist note, and then when we said we didn't like that idea decided to reach out to the airbnb owner directly to ask for an exception without discussing it with us. **diva(verbatim via sms):** “he’s not just a dog to me. he’s an adventure dog and i hate leaving him in the kennel. i think everyone has a different dynamic with their animals." "nico" wanted her drop this, and put their dog in the kennel as they’ve done before when traveling. the next morning linda sent a group message saying: “diva and nico, we love you guys and hope you know that. fido is not invited on this trip. it would give me (and caleb) anxiety to have him there for a number of reasons. \[baby\] is unfamiliar with fido, and vice versa. we are not comfortable having a dog in a pet free rental. and the entire dynamic of a vacation is changed when pet-care is involved. we were hurt by your innuendo that we somehow care less for our pets than you do. we feel you overstepped a boundary by reaching out to the host directly, to make requests we don’t agree with, without having a discussion with us first. we hoped that this would be something we could all look forward to, and be excited about. diva, we were unaware that you might be medically unable to leave fido. we hope you are still able to join us, and we would look forward to enjoying the time together. love, linda and caleb.” **diva:** “y’all enjoy. we’re not coming.” **linda & me:** “understood”, \[thumbs up\] **diva:** “in fido’s defense he’s low maintenance and great around babies and kids. but that’s irrelevant now. i’m also offended that he wasn’t considered since i consider him family.” **me:** “we booked a vacation for ourselves, had some extra space, and then thought it would be nice to invite our friends. fido was not a consideration at all. you two are still invited if you change your mind between now and september. we love you guys.” **diva:** “\[thumbs up emoji\] enjoy. we’re still not coming.” nico feels caught in the middle. the two of us are fine. it feels a bit like our relationship with diva may be permanently damaged. we don’t want to be disrespectful of anyone’s mental health disabilities. we were trying to do something nice. now this trip has a huge dark cloud around it, and we feel like shit (but we don’t feel wrong). we pulled the ‘anxiety card’ in linda’s message because that is what diva’s therapist support-dog note is for… so we figured there would be no grounds for her to push back on that un-hypocritically.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
"linda" and i just had our first baby. i have paternity leave scheduled during september and we booked an airbnb in the mountains. the place does not allow pets. the airbnb has three bedrooms. after booking it we decided it would be nice to invite another couple. they said it sounded fun. "diva" asked us if she could bring her dog with a therapist note, and then when we said we didn't like that idea decided to reach out to the airbnb owner directly to ask for an exception without discussing it with us. **diva(verbatim via sms):** “he’s not just a dog to me. he’s an adventure dog and i hate leaving him in the kennel. i think everyone has a different dynamic with their animals." "nico" wanted her drop this, and put their dog in the kennel as they’ve done before when traveling. the next morning linda sent a group message saying: “diva and nico, we love you guys and hope you know that. fido is not invited on this trip. it would give me (and caleb) anxiety to have him there for a number of reasons. \[baby\] is unfamiliar with fido, and vice versa. we are not comfortable having a dog in a pet free rental. and the entire dynamic of a vacation is changed when pet-care is involved. we were hurt by your innuendo that we somehow care less for our pets than you do. we feel you overstepped a boundary by reaching out to the host directly, to make requests we don’t agree with, without having a discussion with us first. we hoped that this would be something we could all look forward to, and be excited about. diva, we were unaware that you might be medically unable to leave fido. we hope you are still able to join us, and we would look forward to enjoying the time together. love, linda and caleb.” **diva:** “y’all enjoy. we’re not coming.” **linda & me:** “understood”, \[thumbs up\] **diva:** “in fido’s defense he’s low maintenance and great around babies and kids. but that’s irrelevant now. i’m also offended that he wasn’t considered since i consider him family.” **me:** “we booked a vacation for ourselves, had some extra space, and then thought it would be nice to invite our friends. fido was not a consideration at all. you two are still invited if you change your mind between now and september. we love you guys.” **diva:** “\[thumbs up emoji\] enjoy. we’re still not coming.” nico feels caught in the middle. the two of us are fine. it feels a bit like our relationship with diva may be permanently damaged. we don’t want to be disrespectful of anyone’s mental health disabilities. we were trying to do something nice. now this trip has a huge dark cloud around it, and we feel like shit (but we don’t feel wrong). we pulled the ‘anxiety card’ in linda’s message because that is what diva’s therapist support-dog note is for… so we figured there would be no grounds for her to push back on that un-hypocritically. [/INST] nta they were def out of line to reach out to the host without your permission. you did absolutely nothing wrong. </s>
|
AITA for telling my sister she should spend time fixing her own family than other people's?
|
throwaway, some background information in the first part. this has been an issue between me, my mom and my sister so i'm interested to hear some unbiased opinions
i (25f) have a 2 yo daughter, violet. i had a ons with her dad and when i found out i was pregnant, i searched for him because i at least wanted him to know that he was going to have a child- it would have been okay if he didn't want to be a part of her life but i thought he should at least know. it was a difficult search since i didn't have much info on him, but i eventually found his family towards the end of my pregnancy and they told me he had passed a few months prior. i gave his first name as my daughter's middle name in his memory (she has my last name). i have a good relationship with his family now and they've been very kind towards me and violet. my family, on the other hand pretty much shunned me when they found out i was pregnant from a ons and planning to keep the baby, but recently they've started to come around. regardless, the two of us are in a good position and i'm trying my best to be a good mother and father figure to violet.
my mom hosted a mother's day party yesterday. my parents introduced me to some of their friends, we made small talk, everything was going smoothly and my daughter was having fun too as there were some other little kids there. one of the friends asked her what her name is- violet has a thing where if you ask that, she'll reply by giving her full name, let's say violet adam smith. the friend turned to me and asked how come she has a traditionally male name (she wasn't saying it in a malicious way, i think she was genuinely just curious). i didn't want to go into my whole life story so i just said it's in memory of her dad. the friend didn't push it further and we continued on to other topics. my sister, however, was nearby and heard our conversation. she replied to the friend, "oh yeah, violet's middle name is her dad's because \[my name\] can't get over a guy she slept with once". this was the exact wording. i replied back that she should mind her own business and not butt into other people's conversations. she said she was just answering a question, to which i snapped and said that if she spent more time on her own family than other people's, maybe it wouldn't be falling apart (she recently went through a divorce). my sister looked hurt and she walked off. later, my mom came up and said that what i did was "completely unreasonable", that i embarrassed my sister in this difficult time in her life and i should be more "understanding". i refused to apologize, which i know was petty but i really don't think she should have said that about my personal life.
aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/um8een/aita_for_telling_my_sister_she_should_spend_time/
|
2022-05-10 02:48:08
|
nta. if she can't take it, she shouldn't dish it out.
|
her comment was completely unreasonable in of itself. it's none of her business and she didn't have make it an insult.
she embarrassed herself honestly, and nothing excuses it. like wtf the fuck else did she think was going to happen?
nta.
|
nta. your sister doesn't seem to be understanding of anyone else's life circumstances here so she shouldn't be surprised when people turn around and talk about her own.
|
nta
you have no idea how your kid's dad would have behaved if he knew, and it is a fitting tribute for his kid to have his name. your sister was so out of line and malicious. it's not cool to lash out on a personal matter like you did, but you didn't start it.
don't start none, there won't be none.
|
nta why is ok for you sister to say mean things to you but not for you say something back. your mom is an enabler. your sisters a divorcee not a widow so she can shut her trap. why is she telling your business to people who are strangers to you. this would of been a fight between me and my sister and my sister is my best friend so that’s saying something:
|
nta!! omg, when do we as a society stop punishing women for being sexual beings before they have the coveted "ring" and then promptly insist on instant baby making the moment a "ring" is acquired? it's all bullshit! you family took their sweet time in accepting you and your daughter. your sister was trying to shame you. your daughter could have heard this. if you had not shut your sister down, hard, the same type of remark would come again and again, and sooner or later your daughter would hear something that made her feel ashamed, of being born. so momma bear, good for you!!
|
nta. honestly, she embarrassed you. not sure what she expected to happen.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway, some background information in the first part. this has been an issue between me, my mom and my sister so i'm interested to hear some unbiased opinions i (25f) have a 2 yo daughter, violet. i had a ons with her dad and when i found out i was pregnant, i searched for him because i at least wanted him to know that he was going to have a child- it would have been okay if he didn't want to be a part of her life but i thought he should at least know. it was a difficult search since i didn't have much info on him, but i eventually found his family towards the end of my pregnancy and they told me he had passed a few months prior. i gave his first name as my daughter's middle name in his memory (she has my last name). i have a good relationship with his family now and they've been very kind towards me and violet. my family, on the other hand pretty much shunned me when they found out i was pregnant from a ons and planning to keep the baby, but recently they've started to come around. regardless, the two of us are in a good position and i'm trying my best to be a good mother and father figure to violet. my mom hosted a mother's day party yesterday. my parents introduced me to some of their friends, we made small talk, everything was going smoothly and my daughter was having fun too as there were some other little kids there. one of the friends asked her what her name is- violet has a thing where if you ask that, she'll reply by giving her full name, let's say violet adam smith. the friend turned to me and asked how come she has a traditionally male name (she wasn't saying it in a malicious way, i think she was genuinely just curious). i didn't want to go into my whole life story so i just said it's in memory of her dad. the friend didn't push it further and we continued on to other topics. my sister, however, was nearby and heard our conversation. she replied to the friend, "oh yeah, violet's middle name is her dad's because \[my name\] can't get over a guy she slept with once". this was the exact wording. i replied back that she should mind her own business and not butt into other people's conversations. she said she was just answering a question, to which i snapped and said that if she spent more time on her own family than other people's, maybe it wouldn't be falling apart (she recently went through a divorce). my sister looked hurt and she walked off. later, my mom came up and said that what i did was "completely unreasonable", that i embarrassed my sister in this difficult time in her life and i should be more "understanding". i refused to apologize, which i know was petty but i really don't think she should have said that about my personal life. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway, some background information in the first part. this has been an issue between me, my mom and my sister so i'm interested to hear some unbiased opinions i (25f) have a 2 yo daughter, violet. i had a ons with her dad and when i found out i was pregnant, i searched for him because i at least wanted him to know that he was going to have a child- it would have been okay if he didn't want to be a part of her life but i thought he should at least know. it was a difficult search since i didn't have much info on him, but i eventually found his family towards the end of my pregnancy and they told me he had passed a few months prior. i gave his first name as my daughter's middle name in his memory (she has my last name). i have a good relationship with his family now and they've been very kind towards me and violet. my family, on the other hand pretty much shunned me when they found out i was pregnant from a ons and planning to keep the baby, but recently they've started to come around. regardless, the two of us are in a good position and i'm trying my best to be a good mother and father figure to violet. my mom hosted a mother's day party yesterday. my parents introduced me to some of their friends, we made small talk, everything was going smoothly and my daughter was having fun too as there were some other little kids there. one of the friends asked her what her name is- violet has a thing where if you ask that, she'll reply by giving her full name, let's say violet adam smith. the friend turned to me and asked how come she has a traditionally male name (she wasn't saying it in a malicious way, i think she was genuinely just curious). i didn't want to go into my whole life story so i just said it's in memory of her dad. the friend didn't push it further and we continued on to other topics. my sister, however, was nearby and heard our conversation. she replied to the friend, "oh yeah, violet's middle name is her dad's because \[my name\] can't get over a guy she slept with once". this was the exact wording. i replied back that she should mind her own business and not butt into other people's conversations. she said she was just answering a question, to which i snapped and said that if she spent more time on her own family than other people's, maybe it wouldn't be falling apart (she recently went through a divorce). my sister looked hurt and she walked off. later, my mom came up and said that what i did was "completely unreasonable", that i embarrassed my sister in this difficult time in her life and i should be more "understanding". i refused to apologize, which i know was petty but i really don't think she should have said that about my personal life. aita? [/INST] nta. if she can't take it, she shouldn't dish it out. </s>
|
AITA for wearing men's deodorant?
|
this is the stupidest thing i've ever heard, and i'm still pissed from work. i'm a girl.
my new job is a very labor intensive job, moving heavy objects, pushing carts, packing shipping boxes. it's summer in the south on top of that, so it's hell hot. so of course i'm sweating with all the manual labor and the lack of ventilation in a metal sweatshop for 8+ hours a day.
i have a 'normal' type of deodorant, a 24 hours active sense one. though, due to circumstances i can't get to the store and i ran out. i have a backup, a men's old spice one, i bought it because i like the smell. very pine woodsy. it's a good cover all, and no matter how much i swear it works wherever my normal one i use when i know i am not going to be sweating alot, because i don't want to force people to smell my body odor of onion bagels.
so because of how much i sweat, i've been using the old spice one. no more b.o! everything was fine, my male co-workers, i work with mostly teenage boys, never noticed. until today where do to an absence in the second shift i got to work in the less labor intensive area.
today i sat down with the girls to unwrap cds , and one of them commented how it smells like a guys here.
me: oh yeah, i used old spice. i'd rather you not smell me, lol.
this girl, we'll call her anna, freaked the fuck out. a few seemed bothered and one of them told me it reminds her of her dad.
things were said such as 'its unnatural, there's perfectly good girls deodorant!" and " are you gay?" and basically how i was a bitch because normal girls use floral deodorant and things designed for women and men had their own things made for them.
to me, it's fucking deodorant. i've know a few girls to do use ax, so why is this a thing? still, i can't help but wonder if i'm a minority here.
aita for using the 'wrong' deodorant?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwrfy6/aita_for_wearing_mens_deodorant/
|
2020-06-04 22:08:37
|
nta you’re right, that is freakin stupid. why would they care? they reacted like it’s the 1950s. it’s hardly scandalous. next thing you know they’ll be expressing shock at women wearing pants.
|
definitely nta and i suggest you up the anti by wearing axe body spray. then they’ll beg you to go back to old spice
|
nta. i laughed at “it’s unnatural”. you know what is actually natural? being sweaty and stinky because you don’t use deodorant at all.
i swear they put something in men’s deodorant that is stronger than women’s.
|
nta, i (a woman) also use old spice it just works better
|
nta, that's ridiculous.
use what works.
|
nta what? i mean the whole reason for “men’s” and “women’s” deodorant in the first place is the gender stereotypes of “men like the outdoors and women like flowers” which is pretty stupid anyway. there’s no difference in how they’re made. if you like a scent then buy it. i (m) frequently get weird looks because i buy fruit scented shampoo. but you know what, f them. buy whatever scents make you happy
|
nta ??? what on earth ?
|
literally based on the title, nta. anna is being ridiculous. she doesn't get a say over that.
i also wear men's deodorant sometimes. it's not a big deal at all.
|
nta. maybe i want my armpits to smell like “screeching eagle” instead of “lavender fields”. that’s no ones business by the owner of said armpit.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is the stupidest thing i've ever heard, and i'm still pissed from work. i'm a girl. my new job is a very labor intensive job, moving heavy objects, pushing carts, packing shipping boxes. it's summer in the south on top of that, so it's hell hot. so of course i'm sweating with all the manual labor and the lack of ventilation in a metal sweatshop for 8+ hours a day. i have a 'normal' type of deodorant, a 24 hours active sense one. though, due to circumstances i can't get to the store and i ran out. i have a backup, a men's old spice one, i bought it because i like the smell. very pine woodsy. it's a good cover all, and no matter how much i swear it works wherever my normal one i use when i know i am not going to be sweating alot, because i don't want to force people to smell my body odor of onion bagels. so because of how much i sweat, i've been using the old spice one. no more b.o! everything was fine, my male co-workers, i work with mostly teenage boys, never noticed. until today where do to an absence in the second shift i got to work in the less labor intensive area. today i sat down with the girls to unwrap cds , and one of them commented how it smells like a guys here. me: oh yeah, i used old spice. i'd rather you not smell me, lol. this girl, we'll call her anna, freaked the fuck out. a few seemed bothered and one of them told me it reminds her of her dad. things were said such as 'its unnatural, there's perfectly good girls deodorant!" and " are you gay?" and basically how i was a bitch because normal girls use floral deodorant and things designed for women and men had their own things made for them. to me, it's fucking deodorant. i've know a few girls to do use ax, so why is this a thing? still, i can't help but wonder if i'm a minority here. aita for using the 'wrong' deodorant?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is the stupidest thing i've ever heard, and i'm still pissed from work. i'm a girl. my new job is a very labor intensive job, moving heavy objects, pushing carts, packing shipping boxes. it's summer in the south on top of that, so it's hell hot. so of course i'm sweating with all the manual labor and the lack of ventilation in a metal sweatshop for 8+ hours a day. i have a 'normal' type of deodorant, a 24 hours active sense one. though, due to circumstances i can't get to the store and i ran out. i have a backup, a men's old spice one, i bought it because i like the smell. very pine woodsy. it's a good cover all, and no matter how much i swear it works wherever my normal one i use when i know i am not going to be sweating alot, because i don't want to force people to smell my body odor of onion bagels. so because of how much i sweat, i've been using the old spice one. no more b.o! everything was fine, my male co-workers, i work with mostly teenage boys, never noticed. until today where do to an absence in the second shift i got to work in the less labor intensive area. today i sat down with the girls to unwrap cds , and one of them commented how it smells like a guys here. me: oh yeah, i used old spice. i'd rather you not smell me, lol. this girl, we'll call her anna, freaked the fuck out. a few seemed bothered and one of them told me it reminds her of her dad. things were said such as 'its unnatural, there's perfectly good girls deodorant!" and " are you gay?" and basically how i was a bitch because normal girls use floral deodorant and things designed for women and men had their own things made for them. to me, it's fucking deodorant. i've know a few girls to do use ax, so why is this a thing? still, i can't help but wonder if i'm a minority here. aita for using the 'wrong' deodorant? [/INST] nta you’re right, that is freakin stupid. why would they care? they reacted like it’s the 1950s. it’s hardly scandalous. next thing you know they’ll be expressing shock at women wearing pants. </s>
|
AITA for expecting the in-laws to postpone a graduation party?
|
first and foremost, obligatory apologies for formatting. i'm on mobile.
tldr: after years of going "birthdays are one of the most important things we celebrate", my partner's parents held his graduation party on my birthday and didn't tell anyone they invited.
context: it was my birthday today. (yay, another year closer to death!) after living with my soon to be husband adopting some of his parents ideals, birthdays have always been a huge celebration reason for his family. while his parents never really cared about mine, i can say that they had never ignored it.... until now.
so, rewind a few days ago and my partner walked through line in a graduation ceremony for his bachelors degree. dont get me, i'm super proud of him! he definitely deserves it! me, him, his parents, and a good friend of ours all go out to dinner and have a... well enough time... stupid me thought oh! i guess it was just a small celebration before my birthday.
i was wrong. the day of... they didn't even look in my direction. it was all about my partner's graduation. my partner told me that his parents told the guests it was "a joint celebration" .... they had not been informed. i was completely an after thought. so the day that was supposed to be sooo important was overshadowed because... reasons? i guess?
now... here's what's really bugging me... he got his diploma a few months ago. if they were going to hold celebrating that long, couldn't it have been held off for another day or two?
my partner agrees that it was a dick move on their part. but his parents are pissed at me and are going on about how i should be grateful blah blah blah.
so reddit... what are your thoughts? i await your judgment.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ne7d7h/aita_for_expecting_the_inlaws_to_postpone_a/
|
2021-05-17 05:09:36
|
nta!!
i don’t know why people are saying y t a and e s h.
he received his degree months ago and they could have chosen any day and then chose your birthday? wtf. i love celebrating my birthday because it is the one day out of the year when i get to enjoy my day extra extra. this would be a hard no for me and if not i wouldn’t go to graduation party. take him out for dinner on a different day and then on your birthday plan something special with friends.
|
nta.
if your partner got his diploma months ago it's a bit odd they chose your birthday specifically to celebrate it. was it the first time you met after a long while? even if it was they could have said a few words about your birthday too.
on the other hand i must admit it's a bit odd to expect your partner's parents to have a party for your birthday as an adult but i guess not all families are the same.
|
nta with the info we got. where are all of your friends/ family? and why didn't your so arrange something special just for you?
|
nta. this graduation celebration happened months afterward apparently. they had to have realized what they were doing by hosting it on your birthday.
|
nta they totally did that on purpose to ignore you and make you feel insignificant. they are cruel and spiteful. watch out going forward now they have shown you who they really are. they’ve made it crystal clear that you are not family.
|
nta
i think a lot of your asshole judgement came before the update.
your partner graduated months ago. it was a deliberate act to do his graduation party on your birthday however why would you agree to celebrate his graduation on your birthday. further more it’s all good and well that he thinks they were being the asshole (they were) as if when they said “we’re doing your graduation dinner on xyz date” he didn’t say “you know full well that’s xyz birthday we can do it any other day.” not say yep then get annoyed they did it.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: first and foremost, obligatory apologies for formatting. i'm on mobile. tldr: after years of going "birthdays are one of the most important things we celebrate", my partner's parents held his graduation party on my birthday and didn't tell anyone they invited. context: it was my birthday today. (yay, another year closer to death!) after living with my soon to be husband adopting some of his parents ideals, birthdays have always been a huge celebration reason for his family. while his parents never really cared about mine, i can say that they had never ignored it.... until now. so, rewind a few days ago and my partner walked through line in a graduation ceremony for his bachelors degree. dont get me, i'm super proud of him! he definitely deserves it! me, him, his parents, and a good friend of ours all go out to dinner and have a... well enough time... stupid me thought oh! i guess it was just a small celebration before my birthday. i was wrong. the day of... they didn't even look in my direction. it was all about my partner's graduation. my partner told me that his parents told the guests it was "a joint celebration" .... they had not been informed. i was completely an after thought. so the day that was supposed to be sooo important was overshadowed because... reasons? i guess? now... here's what's really bugging me... he got his diploma a few months ago. if they were going to hold celebrating that long, couldn't it have been held off for another day or two? my partner agrees that it was a dick move on their part. but his parents are pissed at me and are going on about how i should be grateful blah blah blah. so reddit... what are your thoughts? i await your judgment.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
first and foremost, obligatory apologies for formatting. i'm on mobile. tldr: after years of going "birthdays are one of the most important things we celebrate", my partner's parents held his graduation party on my birthday and didn't tell anyone they invited. context: it was my birthday today. (yay, another year closer to death!) after living with my soon to be husband adopting some of his parents ideals, birthdays have always been a huge celebration reason for his family. while his parents never really cared about mine, i can say that they had never ignored it.... until now. so, rewind a few days ago and my partner walked through line in a graduation ceremony for his bachelors degree. dont get me, i'm super proud of him! he definitely deserves it! me, him, his parents, and a good friend of ours all go out to dinner and have a... well enough time... stupid me thought oh! i guess it was just a small celebration before my birthday. i was wrong. the day of... they didn't even look in my direction. it was all about my partner's graduation. my partner told me that his parents told the guests it was "a joint celebration" .... they had not been informed. i was completely an after thought. so the day that was supposed to be sooo important was overshadowed because... reasons? i guess? now... here's what's really bugging me... he got his diploma a few months ago. if they were going to hold celebrating that long, couldn't it have been held off for another day or two? my partner agrees that it was a dick move on their part. but his parents are pissed at me and are going on about how i should be grateful blah blah blah. so reddit... what are your thoughts? i await your judgment. [/INST] nta!! i don’t know why people are saying y t a and e s h. he received his degree months ago and they could have chosen any day and then chose your birthday? wtf. i love celebrating my birthday because it is the one day out of the year when i get to enjoy my day extra extra. this would be a hard no for me and if not i wouldn’t go to graduation party. take him out for dinner on a different day and then on your birthday plan something special with friends. </s>
|
AITA for telling my friend he's not the financial genius that he thinks he is?
|
so i have this one friend who is genuinely one of the nicest people i know. however about 9 months ago his grandmother passed away and he recieved some of her inheritance, the exact amount isn't relevant.
anyways he put all his inheritance into stock. tesla, fraport, ...
tesla is (probably) going to be part of s&p 500, and the stock surged up in value. now he's the smuggest motherfucker ever. he suddenly thinks he's a financial genius when in reality he just got lucky. and the most ridiculous thing is he's lost so much money with previous investments that he hasn't even managed to break even with his original investment of his inheritance.
now as i said, he's one of the nicest people i know but for the last couple of days he's walking around like he's the king of the world. he unironically tells me he's going to teach me how to invest like him, and talks down on me how i like most people need financial guidance, and that he would be the perfect candidate to do so.
last night i had enough and told him that i really don't think he's as talented as he thinks he is and that overall he just got lucky. now he's really mad at me and i think i might have been a bit to direct with him.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jx0jxe/aita_for_telling_my_friend_hes_not_the_financial/
|
2020-11-19 10:43:38
|
nta, he didn't even break even and picked a famous, obvious company to buy shares in. just goes to show that even perfectly good people get drawn in by the dopamine boost of gambling. hopefully once he comes down from the high he'll understand.
|
nta - so you burst his bubble of being a financial genius - if that’s the worst thing you’ve done as a friend, he should thank his lucky stars. and if he stays mad, then he is not the friend you thought.
|
nta.
buying a single stock is a bad idea unless you know something everybody else doesn't because there's a lot of risk involved. it's a good idea to diversify, but if you don't have enough funds or the time to research which stocks to invest in to give you a nice healthy mix to hedge against different market conditions, it's generally better to buy exchange traded funds. mutual funds are a bad idea because of the high fees and on balance tend not to perform any better than the market. and this is just the equity portion of your portfolio. you also want to balance out with bonds. a good rule is to invest 100 - your age as the percentage of stocks and the rest (your age) in bonds.
and i'm not even a finance guy, just a casual investor since i first started working 15 years ago. does not sound like your friend even knows these basics. for him to believe he can consistently outperform the market could be dangerous if he makes some high risk decisions that don't end up panning out.
|
nta - he's 1 goofy tweet away from having the value drop overnight lol
idk tesla and similar tech companies are anxious choices i agree that investing in them aren't some genius move. besides stocks is about luck and guessing ultimately since things can go to shit for a company pretty quickly.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i have this one friend who is genuinely one of the nicest people i know. however about 9 months ago his grandmother passed away and he recieved some of her inheritance, the exact amount isn't relevant. anyways he put all his inheritance into stock. tesla, fraport, ... tesla is (probably) going to be part of s&p 500, and the stock surged up in value. now he's the smuggest motherfucker ever. he suddenly thinks he's a financial genius when in reality he just got lucky. and the most ridiculous thing is he's lost so much money with previous investments that he hasn't even managed to break even with his original investment of his inheritance. now as i said, he's one of the nicest people i know but for the last couple of days he's walking around like he's the king of the world. he unironically tells me he's going to teach me how to invest like him, and talks down on me how i like most people need financial guidance, and that he would be the perfect candidate to do so. last night i had enough and told him that i really don't think he's as talented as he thinks he is and that overall he just got lucky. now he's really mad at me and i think i might have been a bit to direct with him.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i have this one friend who is genuinely one of the nicest people i know. however about 9 months ago his grandmother passed away and he recieved some of her inheritance, the exact amount isn't relevant. anyways he put all his inheritance into stock. tesla, fraport, ... tesla is (probably) going to be part of s&p 500, and the stock surged up in value. now he's the smuggest motherfucker ever. he suddenly thinks he's a financial genius when in reality he just got lucky. and the most ridiculous thing is he's lost so much money with previous investments that he hasn't even managed to break even with his original investment of his inheritance. now as i said, he's one of the nicest people i know but for the last couple of days he's walking around like he's the king of the world. he unironically tells me he's going to teach me how to invest like him, and talks down on me how i like most people need financial guidance, and that he would be the perfect candidate to do so. last night i had enough and told him that i really don't think he's as talented as he thinks he is and that overall he just got lucky. now he's really mad at me and i think i might have been a bit to direct with him. [/INST] nta, he didn't even break even and picked a famous, obvious company to buy shares in. just goes to show that even perfectly good people get drawn in by the dopamine boost of gambling. hopefully once he comes down from the high he'll understand. </s>
|
AITA for being snarky to the hostess?
|
my kids and husband are saying i was being a asshole/karen for being snarky and for quietly complaining to my family that the service sucked. what do yall think?
we went out to a late dinner at a all night breakfast place. the hostess asks us how many people and i tell her 4. she then turns toward the paper menus, licks her fingers and starts grabbing menus and counting them out. she turns back to me and asks do we need anything else. i told her some menus that didn't have her saliva all over them! we are in a global pandemic , you can't be doing stuff like that!
the hostess looked startled and a manager having seen her lick her fingers and heard my comment came running over and grabbed us new menus. a nearby waitress laughed out loud.
we were seated. ordered quickly and when the food begins to come out , my daughter's meal is missing and none of the dressings are on the plates. the waitress asks if we need anything else. i just say, the missing meal, syrup, ketchup and ranch and we will be all good.
the waitress returns with ketchup and i again ask for ranch ,syrup and the missing meal. she returns with a cup of dipping sauce that i soon discover is tartar sauce. i flag her down again and again ask for ranch and tell her of the mistake. she returns with the ranch. 20 mins later my last child gets her food. we ask for the check and to go containers. having given up on syrup , we stole one from a departed table. she gives us the check but never gives us containers so we had to flag down the hostess from before. the hostess brings us the containers and tells me she's now wearing gloves and a mask and she's sorry about before. i just told her okay and turned into start packing up leftovers.
so am i the asshole for being snarky and not thanking the hostess for putting on gloves and a mask? we left a 15% tip and filed no complaints so i think i'm not the asshole.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hlcbin/aita_for_being_snarky_to_the_hostess/
|
2020-07-04 22:49:44
|
esh don’t go out to eat during a pandemic
|
esh. she did a bad job, but the snarkiness wasn't called for. also, as you said, we're in the middle of a pandemic, a 15% tip is low considering she's literally putting her life at risk so you can get pancakes.
|
esh. if i walked into a restaurant and saw a hostess lick her fingers before touching the menus i definitely wouldn't risk eating there because clearly their safety precautions aren't up to par. you chose to stay, and it was all downhill from there. not really a shocker. that said, i don't think you were wrong for being snarky. bad service is bad service.
|
esh. the service sounds like it was definitely lacking, but why go out to eat when you’re so concerned about the pandemic? and these people are putting their lives at risk for you because you’re not wearing a mask and gloves when you’re eating and drinking, so you could stand to be a little more gracious and forgiving.
|
yta. how do you not see the irony of complaining to the hostess about licking the menus when **you are the one going out to eat during a pandemic?** if you're trying to support restaurants, great, get food to go. but sitting in an enclosed area with a ton of other people is what is going to make this pandemic worse. her licking the menus is probably not going to do anything.
&#x200b;
all your other complaints about the service seem reasonable, but seriously, **people should not be sitting down and eating in restaurants right now!**
|
no, snark is always the best tool for people-people interactions. yta.
p.s. a 15% tip doesn't erase your rudeness
|
the disconnect of you saying we're in a global pandemic when you're going out and eating at a restaurant during this time.
|
you were right about the saliva. and the service sounds horrible. i don’t really see where you were snarky or a karen. reminding a server multiple times for what you ordered isn’t wrong.
nta.
|
esh
her: keep ya fingers out ya damn mouth
you: make ya own damn pancakes
i rest my case
|
esh. why the fuck anyone would go to a sit down restaurant is beyond me. if you're that worried about your health then don't go out.
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
NTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
| 0.169744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my kids and husband are saying i was being a asshole/karen for being snarky and for quietly complaining to my family that the service sucked. what do yall think? we went out to a late dinner at a all night breakfast place. the hostess asks us how many people and i tell her 4. she then turns toward the paper menus, licks her fingers and starts grabbing menus and counting them out. she turns back to me and asks do we need anything else. i told her some menus that didn't have her saliva all over them! we are in a global pandemic , you can't be doing stuff like that! the hostess looked startled and a manager having seen her lick her fingers and heard my comment came running over and grabbed us new menus. a nearby waitress laughed out loud. we were seated. ordered quickly and when the food begins to come out , my daughter's meal is missing and none of the dressings are on the plates. the waitress asks if we need anything else. i just say, the missing meal, syrup, ketchup and ranch and we will be all good. the waitress returns with ketchup and i again ask for ranch ,syrup and the missing meal. she returns with a cup of dipping sauce that i soon discover is tartar sauce. i flag her down again and again ask for ranch and tell her of the mistake. she returns with the ranch. 20 mins later my last child gets her food. we ask for the check and to go containers. having given up on syrup , we stole one from a departed table. she gives us the check but never gives us containers so we had to flag down the hostess from before. the hostess brings us the containers and tells me she's now wearing gloves and a mask and she's sorry about before. i just told her okay and turned into start packing up leftovers. so am i the asshole for being snarky and not thanking the hostess for putting on gloves and a mask? we left a 15% tip and filed no complaints so i think i'm not the asshole.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my kids and husband are saying i was being a asshole/karen for being snarky and for quietly complaining to my family that the service sucked. what do yall think? we went out to a late dinner at a all night breakfast place. the hostess asks us how many people and i tell her 4. she then turns toward the paper menus, licks her fingers and starts grabbing menus and counting them out. she turns back to me and asks do we need anything else. i told her some menus that didn't have her saliva all over them! we are in a global pandemic , you can't be doing stuff like that! the hostess looked startled and a manager having seen her lick her fingers and heard my comment came running over and grabbed us new menus. a nearby waitress laughed out loud. we were seated. ordered quickly and when the food begins to come out , my daughter's meal is missing and none of the dressings are on the plates. the waitress asks if we need anything else. i just say, the missing meal, syrup, ketchup and ranch and we will be all good. the waitress returns with ketchup and i again ask for ranch ,syrup and the missing meal. she returns with a cup of dipping sauce that i soon discover is tartar sauce. i flag her down again and again ask for ranch and tell her of the mistake. she returns with the ranch. 20 mins later my last child gets her food. we ask for the check and to go containers. having given up on syrup , we stole one from a departed table. she gives us the check but never gives us containers so we had to flag down the hostess from before. the hostess brings us the containers and tells me she's now wearing gloves and a mask and she's sorry about before. i just told her okay and turned into start packing up leftovers. so am i the asshole for being snarky and not thanking the hostess for putting on gloves and a mask? we left a 15% tip and filed no complaints so i think i'm not the asshole. [/INST] esh don’t go out to eat during a pandemic </s>
|
AITA for blaming my husband for not standing up for me?
|
at a family gathering, hubbys nephew (urged on by dad) came up to me with an animal that everyone knew i was deathly afraid of. i flipped, made a fool of myself, hyperventilated and cried for the hour car ride home. btw, not a crier. took blood pressure at home and it was 165/115. mine is usually normal. b-in-law and nephew apologized with a “if i knew you were that scared….”
hubby was in the bathroom, not one member of the family tried to stop them, everyone just laughed.
i told hubby that he should tell his mom and brother how much their actions effected me. hubby says he wasn’t there, they said sorry, i should let it go. aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u6tusk/aita_for_blaming_my_husband_for_not_standing_up/
|
2022-04-19 02:04:18
|
nta, never go over there again--all those ah enjoyed your panic, and husband is totally cool with it. i guarantee he'll laugh if someone shows him a film clip of it. just imagine what they'll escalate to next?
|
geez, op's blood pressure was in the definitive life-threatening range. she wants her husband to let his family know that their little "prank" could have killed her.
why does everyone commenting think that terrifying op was okay? why do people think that is amusing?
i don't care if op is frightened of a bunny, if you know that someone is terrified, you don't flaunt their fear in their face.
op's are complete ahs, and her husband needs to drive that point home to his family.
|
info
what is the expectation here that you have for yourself husband? what is he going to do to help improve this situation? was anything no said or discussed?
i’m having trouble understanding what you want your husband to do. it would be one thing if he was present and did not stand up for you, but he wasn’t there to stand up for you.
what do you need or want your husband to do now that the situation is over and apologized for?
please keep in mind that i for sure think the bil and nephew are the ahs here. that is not cool at all to do to someone, but you asked if you were ta for expecting your husband to do something, not for being angry at the in-laws.
so help me get what the problem with your husband is.
|
nta. this seemed intentional. they wanted a reaction out of you and that’s what they got. the fact your husband isn’t even acknowledging your feelings is troubling.
|
nta. but, i’d avoid any family gatherings for awhile. until you feel comfortable again. if it was a big spider or snake, i would totally lose my mind.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.027063 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: at a family gathering, hubbys nephew (urged on by dad) came up to me with an animal that everyone knew i was deathly afraid of. i flipped, made a fool of myself, hyperventilated and cried for the hour car ride home. btw, not a crier. took blood pressure at home and it was 165/115. mine is usually normal. b-in-law and nephew apologized with a “if i knew you were that scared….” hubby was in the bathroom, not one member of the family tried to stop them, everyone just laughed. i told hubby that he should tell his mom and brother how much their actions effected me. hubby says he wasn’t there, they said sorry, i should let it go. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
at a family gathering, hubbys nephew (urged on by dad) came up to me with an animal that everyone knew i was deathly afraid of. i flipped, made a fool of myself, hyperventilated and cried for the hour car ride home. btw, not a crier. took blood pressure at home and it was 165/115. mine is usually normal. b-in-law and nephew apologized with a “if i knew you were that scared….” hubby was in the bathroom, not one member of the family tried to stop them, everyone just laughed. i told hubby that he should tell his mom and brother how much their actions effected me. hubby says he wasn’t there, they said sorry, i should let it go. aita? [/INST] nta, never go over there again--all those ah enjoyed your panic, and husband is totally cool with it. i guarantee he'll laugh if someone shows him a film clip of it. just imagine what they'll escalate to next? </s>
|
AITA for adding my kids measurements to my girlfriends kids measuring wall?
|
my girlfriend (56) and i (51) have been together for about a year. i am divorced and she is a widow. her husband passed away about three years ago.
she has a wall in her house where she measured her kids height growing up. her kids are adults now in their 20’s, but they have their heights from when they were really little kids to fully grown. her former husband is marked on the wall too.
we rented most of our lives so we never really had a wall like this. one day when my kids were over for dinner we decided to measure them on the wall. my girlfriend didn’t seem to mind and was acting like it was cute.
her kids came over to visit at one point and saw the wall and they were seriously upset about it. they said it was a personal thing for their childhoods that was important to them and we were invading on that. it is just a wall and we didn’t erase theirs, just added ours.
the thing is, they always act like we are in the way of their lives. when we went on vacation with them, they acted like it was their vacation and we were just guests. no matter what we do they’re always angry about something. i think they are just being too sensitive and looking for something to be mad about.
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gga0az/aita_for_adding_my_kids_measurements_to_my/
|
2020-05-09 06:02:04
|
yta. they lost their dad, and then some chap comes in and tries to muscle in on their family memories (from their perspective). their dad is dead, their parents are not divorced like you.
i bet you're the kind of fellow who thinks that everyone should move on because 'he ain't comin' back'.
|
yta. you defaced a cherished memento of their time growing up with their somewhat recently deceased father. three years is a very short time to get over the early loss of a parent. and you did it for the inclusion of children that are basically finished growing. your 16yo might grow a tad, but not enough to make a growth chart very worthwhile.
|
yta. you don’t do that. sorry, it isn’t your memory to trample on. what was the point of doing it? if you break up with her down the line, she is stuck with your kids names on her wall, something she cherished from her kids’ childhoods. why the hell would you even think it was okay to do that without asking?
|
yta. i can see why they don’t like you.
my mum was devastated when we had the kitchen remodelled because it means the measurement lines were removed. i can’t begin to imagine how upset her kids are at you imposing yourself onto their childhood memory.
|
yta. why use the same wall? surely you could make memories on another wall. apologise quickly and erase your marks, without destroying theirs. in future discuss with them first, if possible. their father died and you are living in their family home, these are facts, it’s not really their fault that you rented all your life.
|
i might have been sympathetic if your kids were (as i had assumed when reading), like, 10 or under, but why in the *world* did either of you (including your girlfriend, btw) feel the need to put a teenager and someone who is technically an adult on a measuring wall in the first place? especially one that has the measurements of other people on it.
*of course* her children have sentimental value attached to it, and *of course* they don't find it the least bit funny that the kids of the man that their mother has been dating for only a year decide to put themselves on there for a lark. it's not "just" a wall, it's a ***memento*** and you and your kids scribbled "we were here" all over it.
i can't tell from here whether they are indeed "too sensitive and looking for something to be mad about", but in this case i can say yta because they didn't have to *look* for anything to be angry about here, it was right here.
|
yta
there dad is dead - people grieve. this is a wall of their childhood with their dead dad, it’s special. it doesn’t matter how old they are you (someone new) have come along and tried to make that space about your kids. your actions were insensitive, and they do get to be mad.
their mother may have moved on but that dose not mean they have.
i assume it isn’t fun to have the grieving kids of your gf dead husband be mad at you but given your other posts it’s does sound like they are grieving and having a hard time with these new people in their lives.
> i think they are just being too sensitive and looking for something to be mad about.
the too sensitive person here is you op, you have come into something important to them and are now trying to say they don’t get be mad. wtf?! is this how you treat them the rest of the time too? if it is this is why they don’t like you.
|
yta. that was a family memory and your kids are not young children. you inserted them into something that they shared for years with the father that they no longer have.
|
oh my goodness. i honestly can't believe anyone is defending you on this! even if their father hadn't passed away, which adds a lot of feelings and layers to this that you should have been conscious of... they had 20 plus years of a life together and memories made together in that house. you've been in their lives about a year and you're inserting yourself and your kids into things that they have bonded over. how could you even remotely think this was ok??! what are you going to do next- go paste yourselves into their high school yearbooks? good gosh yta!
|
yta that is a childhood memory that you weren't a part of. also, your kids are too old for a measuring wall so you really didn't need to draw on it at all. you've also only been together a year.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend (56) and i (51) have been together for about a year. i am divorced and she is a widow. her husband passed away about three years ago. she has a wall in her house where she measured her kids height growing up. her kids are adults now in their 20’s, but they have their heights from when they were really little kids to fully grown. her former husband is marked on the wall too. we rented most of our lives so we never really had a wall like this. one day when my kids were over for dinner we decided to measure them on the wall. my girlfriend didn’t seem to mind and was acting like it was cute. her kids came over to visit at one point and saw the wall and they were seriously upset about it. they said it was a personal thing for their childhoods that was important to them and we were invading on that. it is just a wall and we didn’t erase theirs, just added ours. the thing is, they always act like we are in the way of their lives. when we went on vacation with them, they acted like it was their vacation and we were just guests. no matter what we do they’re always angry about something. i think they are just being too sensitive and looking for something to be mad about.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend (56) and i (51) have been together for about a year. i am divorced and she is a widow. her husband passed away about three years ago. she has a wall in her house where she measured her kids height growing up. her kids are adults now in their 20’s, but they have their heights from when they were really little kids to fully grown. her former husband is marked on the wall too. we rented most of our lives so we never really had a wall like this. one day when my kids were over for dinner we decided to measure them on the wall. my girlfriend didn’t seem to mind and was acting like it was cute. her kids came over to visit at one point and saw the wall and they were seriously upset about it. they said it was a personal thing for their childhoods that was important to them and we were invading on that. it is just a wall and we didn’t erase theirs, just added ours. the thing is, they always act like we are in the way of their lives. when we went on vacation with them, they acted like it was their vacation and we were just guests. no matter what we do they’re always angry about something. i think they are just being too sensitive and looking for something to be mad about. [/INST] yta. they lost their dad, and then some chap comes in and tries to muscle in on their family memories (from their perspective). their dad is dead, their parents are not divorced like you. i bet you're the kind of fellow who thinks that everyone should move on because 'he ain't comin' back'. </s>
|
AITA for telling my aunt the truth about why I didn’t visit her?
|
so i (20f) have severe anxiety. i do have a therapist but it still impacts my day to day life a lot. we (as in me and my mom) were supposed to go visit my aunt yesterday but i woke up feeling really anxious for no reason and i started to have a panic attack and i couldn’t even leave my bed so my mom just went without me. today my aunt messaged me asking me if i was feeling better and i said “yeah i was just having a really weird day but i feel much better today” and she basically was like yeah your mum told me you weren’t feeling well and i replied with “yeah anxiety is really hard some days but i have an appointment with my therapist soon” and she stopped responding and a few minutes later my mom came into my room mad and told me that she had told my aunt i just had the flu because sayinf i have anxiety makes it seem like i’m anxious to visit my aunt and makes her feel like she did something wrong and it’s rude to use that as an excuse?
so now i feel bad thay i said that even though it was the truth and it really had nothing to do with my aunt at all and was just me? my mom basically said i’m the ah for saying that and now i’m wondering if she’s right because i never considered saying that would make other people feel bad.
aita for telling my aunt that i couldn’t visit her because i was having an anxiety attack?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lftxxz/aita_for_telling_my_aunt_the_truth_about_why_i/
|
2021-02-09 03:53:02
|
nta. your mom is upset because you exposed her lie? your aunt is probably upset that your mom lied to her. none of that is your fault.
|
>my mom basically said i’m the ah
your mom is the ah for not knowing how anxiety and panic attacks work. she is the ah for lying without even consulting you. did she expect you to read her mind?
nta at all and don't be afraid of telling people the truth. you are handling your condition the best you can, and if someone feel bad about you not visiting them because of a panic attack then screw them.
|
**nta** your mom a) lied about your situation without your knowledge or consent, and then b) didn't tell you she did so, leaving both of you vulnerable to exactly what happened. also there's no shame in suffering from anxiety. your mom was out of line on several counts.
|
nta. exposing lies is never bad but it sometimes makes you wonder if what you did was good. also, it's not like you knew what your mom had told your aunt, so you weren't exposing the lie knowingly. if anything, your mom should have told you about the lie prior to ensure that you didn't expose her, but even in that case if you were to expose her then you still wouldn't be ta. your mom's the ah for lying and for thinking you were supposed to automatically know she did.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (20f) have severe anxiety. i do have a therapist but it still impacts my day to day life a lot. we (as in me and my mom) were supposed to go visit my aunt yesterday but i woke up feeling really anxious for no reason and i started to have a panic attack and i couldn’t even leave my bed so my mom just went without me. today my aunt messaged me asking me if i was feeling better and i said “yeah i was just having a really weird day but i feel much better today” and she basically was like yeah your mum told me you weren’t feeling well and i replied with “yeah anxiety is really hard some days but i have an appointment with my therapist soon” and she stopped responding and a few minutes later my mom came into my room mad and told me that she had told my aunt i just had the flu because sayinf i have anxiety makes it seem like i’m anxious to visit my aunt and makes her feel like she did something wrong and it’s rude to use that as an excuse? so now i feel bad thay i said that even though it was the truth and it really had nothing to do with my aunt at all and was just me? my mom basically said i’m the ah for saying that and now i’m wondering if she’s right because i never considered saying that would make other people feel bad. aita for telling my aunt that i couldn’t visit her because i was having an anxiety attack?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i (20f) have severe anxiety. i do have a therapist but it still impacts my day to day life a lot. we (as in me and my mom) were supposed to go visit my aunt yesterday but i woke up feeling really anxious for no reason and i started to have a panic attack and i couldn’t even leave my bed so my mom just went without me. today my aunt messaged me asking me if i was feeling better and i said “yeah i was just having a really weird day but i feel much better today” and she basically was like yeah your mum told me you weren’t feeling well and i replied with “yeah anxiety is really hard some days but i have an appointment with my therapist soon” and she stopped responding and a few minutes later my mom came into my room mad and told me that she had told my aunt i just had the flu because sayinf i have anxiety makes it seem like i’m anxious to visit my aunt and makes her feel like she did something wrong and it’s rude to use that as an excuse? so now i feel bad thay i said that even though it was the truth and it really had nothing to do with my aunt at all and was just me? my mom basically said i’m the ah for saying that and now i’m wondering if she’s right because i never considered saying that would make other people feel bad. aita for telling my aunt that i couldn’t visit her because i was having an anxiety attack? [/INST] nta. your mom is upset because you exposed her lie? your aunt is probably upset that your mom lied to her. none of that is your fault. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for a medical evaluation?
|
throwaway for anonymity, mobile use so my apologies for any formatting issues.
very recently my mother passed after a long time fighting her aging body and long term issues thanks to covid. she had been on the downturn for a while, but she still passed in an unexpected way due to a fall.
i'm currently stuck in another country for work so my brother has to handle the arrangements. she was specific in what she wanted so it's all very simple. however my brother is angry at the way that she passed and wants to have an autopsy done.
i don't. first, i'm the one footing the bill for all of the arrangements, and second but most important is that...she wouldn't want that. the thought of doing that to her is absolutely horrid, and it's just...not fair if that makes sense. it's for their comfort and peace of mind, not for her.
my brother wants me to pay the extra 2k for the full workup, etc, but i don't want to. i've refused, and now him and his wife and the family who knows are ticked off at me and are calling me the ah because of it. i feel like the ah and just need an outside opinion i guess that isn't family on if i'm being unreasonable. so, reddit, am i being the ah?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zuxw0v/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_a_medical/
|
2022-12-25 13:12:40
|
nta. i’m sorry for your loss. it sounds like your brother is angry which is not abnormal when grieving but it’s not ok to take that anger out on you.
|
nta full stop no need to even entertain these other comments. brother can pay or brother can stfu. end.
sorry for your loss.
|
reddit person here. and i say, nta. if it was a concern about the cost, he and the family members who are "ticked off" can chip in an fork up the money. or shut up. haha. if they aren't participating in the cost, they don't get to make extra demands.
and, if it's truly something that your mother wouldn't want, then you're doing thing as a show of respect for her because she is important to you. and there's nothing wrong with advocating for her wishes like this. you just want her to be laid to rest the way she wanted and in peace. and there's not a shred of ahole in that.
|
nta - sorry for your loss. it sounds like your brother is going through the steps of grieving. i was an er nurse for many years and have seen many, many elderly individuals succumb to falls. probably more than one person should ever see. for some it can be difficult to accept something which we perceive to be small or insignificant can have tragic results.
|
nta - there doesn't seem to be any reason to think that your mother didn't die from natural causes, so autopsy would definitely be pointless. it could be that your brother just doesn't want to accept that she is gone and somehow thinks doing an autopsy would give some reasoning to her passing. it could be beneficial to you both to just try to talk with him and explain your view and how you just want to respect your mother's wishes.
also, why should you be paying for an autopsy you don't want done? 2000 isn't a small amount of money.
sorry for your loss and i truly hope that you and your brother can work through this thing.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway for anonymity, mobile use so my apologies for any formatting issues. very recently my mother passed after a long time fighting her aging body and long term issues thanks to covid. she had been on the downturn for a while, but she still passed in an unexpected way due to a fall. i'm currently stuck in another country for work so my brother has to handle the arrangements. she was specific in what she wanted so it's all very simple. however my brother is angry at the way that she passed and wants to have an autopsy done. i don't. first, i'm the one footing the bill for all of the arrangements, and second but most important is that...she wouldn't want that. the thought of doing that to her is absolutely horrid, and it's just...not fair if that makes sense. it's for their comfort and peace of mind, not for her. my brother wants me to pay the extra 2k for the full workup, etc, but i don't want to. i've refused, and now him and his wife and the family who knows are ticked off at me and are calling me the ah because of it. i feel like the ah and just need an outside opinion i guess that isn't family on if i'm being unreasonable. so, reddit, am i being the ah?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway for anonymity, mobile use so my apologies for any formatting issues. very recently my mother passed after a long time fighting her aging body and long term issues thanks to covid. she had been on the downturn for a while, but she still passed in an unexpected way due to a fall. i'm currently stuck in another country for work so my brother has to handle the arrangements. she was specific in what she wanted so it's all very simple. however my brother is angry at the way that she passed and wants to have an autopsy done. i don't. first, i'm the one footing the bill for all of the arrangements, and second but most important is that...she wouldn't want that. the thought of doing that to her is absolutely horrid, and it's just...not fair if that makes sense. it's for their comfort and peace of mind, not for her. my brother wants me to pay the extra 2k for the full workup, etc, but i don't want to. i've refused, and now him and his wife and the family who knows are ticked off at me and are calling me the ah because of it. i feel like the ah and just need an outside opinion i guess that isn't family on if i'm being unreasonable. so, reddit, am i being the ah? [/INST] nta. i’m sorry for your loss. it sounds like your brother is angry which is not abnormal when grieving but it’s not ok to take that anger out on you. </s>
|
|
AITA for telling my SO that I didn’t want to support him in his sobriety anymore
|
i’ve been with my so for about two years, and he’s been a porn addict in recovery for like 6. for as long as i’ve been with him, he has yet to practice more than a month and a half of sobriety and has done and said some incredibly hurtful things. i’ve been his complete support system this entire time and have tried my best to be as forgiving as possible through the worst of him, bc i love him. i have given him all of my heart, and all of my time, and have made sacrifices that will permanently change my future bc i wanted to be for him what i would’ve wanted someone to be for me. this has royally fucked with my self image.
i found out last month that i was pregnant, and since then ive been trying to enforce the new set boundaries of “keep your shit to yourself”. i have heart problems too, which make this high risk and just dangerous for me. stress is serious (just for reference: i used to be hospitalized for days 3 times a year from the stress of finals and had open heart surgery 2 years ago). his problems are too much for me.
he’s been trying to tell me about his struggles but i’ve been sick and nauseous and depressed and extremely extremely tired. i do not want to hear about how he feels bad bc “i looked at some girl by accident
and is god going to punish my family?
and is there even a god?
and how do we know we have the right god?
and i’m going to start sa this week!”
*doesnt go*
*doesnt go*
*doesnt go*
“and guess what! i was going therapy and i realized i never got over any of my crushes and exes and i’m taking revenge through porn
come to think of it, i don’t think i’ve even really loved any girl since her. not even you. except that one prostitute from right before i met you, i could never stop thinking about her.
btw i relapsed last night. i think i’m going to smoke a cigar.
why are you crying?”
at first i discussed trying to talk about this less, like 2-3 week for 45 min, bc it is normally like 98% of our conversations, but he just kept trying to change the subject back. like dude, i’m too hormonal for this, and he’s too honest. but he keeps telling me how he needs me and he doesn’t have anyone else, and how he should be able to get advice from me, and my not wanting to ever talk about this makes him feel like i lost faith in him.
i want to be a good person and do the right thing, but his crap plus hormones is more overwhelming than he may realize. so, aita?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fv48ud/aita_for_telling_my_so_that_i_didnt_want_to/
|
2020-04-05 00:08:35
|
nta
he needs a therapist. you are not his therapist. you’re his girlfriend.
why do you love him so much when he leeches the life out of you, permanently changed your future, stresses you out and makes everything about him 98 percent of the time? what could you possibly see in someone like that?
|
nta why on earth are you with him?
|
nta
also, the things he is telling you cross the line between honest and abusive. not being over his ex is one thing (many people would already jump ship with this info, but i happen to think things could still be salvageable if that was the only problem), but saying things like " i’ve even really loved any girl since her. not even you. except that one prostitute from right before i met you" is waaaay too cruel and completely unnaceptable. and then he keeps saying that he needs you and doesn't have anyone else? well, tuff luck my dude, because if you wanted her around you should have treated her better. dump his sorry ass. you and your baby will be better without him.
|
number one, this is exactly why physicians and therapists do not/should not treat their family members/significant others; you cannot be impartial and objective and treat their conditions properly when you are directly involved.
he needs a professional therapist and keep his sessions with them instead of heaving his guts on you.
you need to be mindful of your own emotional and physical health and that of your baby's health. set firm boundaries and keep to them or you risk serious complications and stress. you may have to leave him for awhile and protect yourself if he keeps up the addiction/relapse talk. this is not easy to do at all and i wish you strength and peace of mind. sending you internet hugs if you want them 🤗
|
nta. run. run as far away as possible and as fast as you can. your support hasn't meant anything to him. he's gotta make the decision to get well for himself and by himself.
|
nta please leave him immediately! how can he say he doesn’t love you. that is just terrible and no one wants to hear. especially while pregnant. he needs help and it’s not you, it’s a professional.
|
nta, even after your follow up edit question. you should definitely figure out a plan before your baby arrives, tbh. because i can guarantee your mental health will take an even harder nose dive if you have to manage both a newborn baby and your partner.
|
nta. he doesn't need advice, he needs therapy and to put in the work himself.
|
nta make a hard boundary you don’t want to hear this shit unless he banged another hooker. make him go to therapy as a condition if your relationship continues
|
nta... he needs therapy
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’ve been with my so for about two years, and he’s been a porn addict in recovery for like 6. for as long as i’ve been with him, he has yet to practice more than a month and a half of sobriety and has done and said some incredibly hurtful things. i’ve been his complete support system this entire time and have tried my best to be as forgiving as possible through the worst of him, bc i love him. i have given him all of my heart, and all of my time, and have made sacrifices that will permanently change my future bc i wanted to be for him what i would’ve wanted someone to be for me. this has royally fucked with my self image. i found out last month that i was pregnant, and since then ive been trying to enforce the new set boundaries of “keep your shit to yourself”. i have heart problems too, which make this high risk and just dangerous for me. stress is serious (just for reference: i used to be hospitalized for days 3 times a year from the stress of finals and had open heart surgery 2 years ago). his problems are too much for me. he’s been trying to tell me about his struggles but i’ve been sick and nauseous and depressed and extremely extremely tired. i do not want to hear about how he feels bad bc “i looked at some girl by accident and is god going to punish my family? and is there even a god? and how do we know we have the right god? and i’m going to start sa this week!” *doesnt go* *doesnt go* *doesnt go* “and guess what! i was going therapy and i realized i never got over any of my crushes and exes and i’m taking revenge through porn come to think of it, i don’t think i’ve even really loved any girl since her. not even you. except that one prostitute from right before i met you, i could never stop thinking about her. btw i relapsed last night. i think i’m going to smoke a cigar. why are you crying?” at first i discussed trying to talk about this less, like 2-3 week for 45 min, bc it is normally like 98% of our conversations, but he just kept trying to change the subject back. like dude, i’m too hormonal for this, and he’s too honest. but he keeps telling me how he needs me and he doesn’t have anyone else, and how he should be able to get advice from me, and my not wanting to ever talk about this makes him feel like i lost faith in him. i want to be a good person and do the right thing, but his crap plus hormones is more overwhelming than he may realize. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’ve been with my so for about two years, and he’s been a porn addict in recovery for like 6. for as long as i’ve been with him, he has yet to practice more than a month and a half of sobriety and has done and said some incredibly hurtful things. i’ve been his complete support system this entire time and have tried my best to be as forgiving as possible through the worst of him, bc i love him. i have given him all of my heart, and all of my time, and have made sacrifices that will permanently change my future bc i wanted to be for him what i would’ve wanted someone to be for me. this has royally fucked with my self image. i found out last month that i was pregnant, and since then ive been trying to enforce the new set boundaries of “keep your shit to yourself”. i have heart problems too, which make this high risk and just dangerous for me. stress is serious (just for reference: i used to be hospitalized for days 3 times a year from the stress of finals and had open heart surgery 2 years ago). his problems are too much for me. he’s been trying to tell me about his struggles but i’ve been sick and nauseous and depressed and extremely extremely tired. i do not want to hear about how he feels bad bc “i looked at some girl by accident and is god going to punish my family? and is there even a god? and how do we know we have the right god? and i’m going to start sa this week!” *doesnt go* *doesnt go* *doesnt go* “and guess what! i was going therapy and i realized i never got over any of my crushes and exes and i’m taking revenge through porn come to think of it, i don’t think i’ve even really loved any girl since her. not even you. except that one prostitute from right before i met you, i could never stop thinking about her. btw i relapsed last night. i think i’m going to smoke a cigar. why are you crying?” at first i discussed trying to talk about this less, like 2-3 week for 45 min, bc it is normally like 98% of our conversations, but he just kept trying to change the subject back. like dude, i’m too hormonal for this, and he’s too honest. but he keeps telling me how he needs me and he doesn’t have anyone else, and how he should be able to get advice from me, and my not wanting to ever talk about this makes him feel like i lost faith in him. i want to be a good person and do the right thing, but his crap plus hormones is more overwhelming than he may realize. so, aita? [/INST] nta he needs a therapist. you are not his therapist. you’re his girlfriend. why do you love him so much when he leeches the life out of you, permanently changed your future, stresses you out and makes everything about him 98 percent of the time? what could you possibly see in someone like that? </s>
|
AITA for moving out of my college house?
|
so i (20f) recently switched dorms because of issues with my housemates. the mess in the house had become so unlivable that i had spent two weeks sleeping on my friend’s couch. my main issue was with my next-door roommate (19f). she was by far the messiest, and frequently had people over for loud parties and lots of drinking. i don’t have a problem with people drinking in college, but she often drank so much that she’d spend entire sundays throwing up in the bathroom we shared.
as a house, we had agreed to clean up after ourselves and let each other know when we were planning on having a lot of people over. these rules worked at first, but over time things devolved, largely because of my roommate. the kitchen was too messy to use because she left dirty dishes for days on end (these were dishes we all shared, so it meant there weren’t even dishes to use). i have a chronic illness that makes it hard for me to use the dining hall- i need to cook for myself- and without the kitchen available to me, i often couldn’t eat breakfast or lunch.
by the start of the spring semester, she had stopped warning me when she was going to have people over and the noise and the mess were causing me frequent anxiety attacks.
i voiced my concerns several times and eventually said i wasn’t okay with any partying in the house anymore. i got told that this was unreasonable since we were in college and i should expect the mess and parties. so, i got residence life involved because living there was taking a massive toll on my mental health. during my room change request, i mentioned my roommate’s substance use as one of the reasons i wanted to leave. to be clear, i don’t care if people use substances, i care if someone’s substance use is impacting other people.
i moved into my new dorm and things have been significantly better. but suddenly my old housemates were giving me the cold shoulder, despite most of them being supportive of my decision to move out. i later learned that the roommate i was having issues with had been fired from her job because of my report. (she served on the college student judicial board, so there’s a pretty strict code of conduct.)
i’m worried that i threw her under the bus, but i’m not sure if i could have gotten my room changed if i hadn’t fully explained what was going on. i didn’t know she would get fired.
so, am i the asshole?
| 153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uckcb3/aita_for_moving_out_of_my_college_house/
|
2022-04-26 19:17:09
|
nta. your complaints were completely reasonable. and as far as your old roommate's job was concerned, it was not you but her conduct that got her kicked off the judicial board. someone who acts as she does has no business judging others, and you did a big service to your fellow students by reporting her.
|
nta - that situation is absolutely not the normal college experience, and you did the right thing to get out of that situation. as far as what happened to your roommate, she received the consequences of her own actions, which is not at all your fault.
|
nta. her actions got her fired, she has nobody to blame but herself
|
nta
she wasn't respecting the house rules or you or your roommates so you needed to do what you could to leave for your own mental and physical health. don't worry about your ex roommates because chances are after college you won't see them again, plus she could always get a different job off campus.
|
nta, she did it to herself.
i also find it funny that college boys are often on average grosser than girls, like as a baseline. but a lot of the times the really disgusting houses have all girls living in them.
like my house senior year was a party house. it was generally not that clean. but we made it a point to clean the house both before and after every party and to keep up with dishes because we all cooked at home. we had to keep up with the cleaning, we often had like 30+ people over friday and saturday nights and the place would have been so disgusting otherwise. i've been in some nasty af houses where all girls lived and it was always gross cause they didn't keep up with cleaning and stuff.
|
nta. her actions were affecting your mental health and she didn't care. it's her own fault for getting fired, because she was the one who did all of those things. you shouldn't feel bad.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (20f) recently switched dorms because of issues with my housemates. the mess in the house had become so unlivable that i had spent two weeks sleeping on my friend’s couch. my main issue was with my next-door roommate (19f). she was by far the messiest, and frequently had people over for loud parties and lots of drinking. i don’t have a problem with people drinking in college, but she often drank so much that she’d spend entire sundays throwing up in the bathroom we shared. as a house, we had agreed to clean up after ourselves and let each other know when we were planning on having a lot of people over. these rules worked at first, but over time things devolved, largely because of my roommate. the kitchen was too messy to use because she left dirty dishes for days on end (these were dishes we all shared, so it meant there weren’t even dishes to use). i have a chronic illness that makes it hard for me to use the dining hall- i need to cook for myself- and without the kitchen available to me, i often couldn’t eat breakfast or lunch. by the start of the spring semester, she had stopped warning me when she was going to have people over and the noise and the mess were causing me frequent anxiety attacks. i voiced my concerns several times and eventually said i wasn’t okay with any partying in the house anymore. i got told that this was unreasonable since we were in college and i should expect the mess and parties. so, i got residence life involved because living there was taking a massive toll on my mental health. during my room change request, i mentioned my roommate’s substance use as one of the reasons i wanted to leave. to be clear, i don’t care if people use substances, i care if someone’s substance use is impacting other people. i moved into my new dorm and things have been significantly better. but suddenly my old housemates were giving me the cold shoulder, despite most of them being supportive of my decision to move out. i later learned that the roommate i was having issues with had been fired from her job because of my report. (she served on the college student judicial board, so there’s a pretty strict code of conduct.) i’m worried that i threw her under the bus, but i’m not sure if i could have gotten my room changed if i hadn’t fully explained what was going on. i didn’t know she would get fired. so, am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i (20f) recently switched dorms because of issues with my housemates. the mess in the house had become so unlivable that i had spent two weeks sleeping on my friend’s couch. my main issue was with my next-door roommate (19f). she was by far the messiest, and frequently had people over for loud parties and lots of drinking. i don’t have a problem with people drinking in college, but she often drank so much that she’d spend entire sundays throwing up in the bathroom we shared. as a house, we had agreed to clean up after ourselves and let each other know when we were planning on having a lot of people over. these rules worked at first, but over time things devolved, largely because of my roommate. the kitchen was too messy to use because she left dirty dishes for days on end (these were dishes we all shared, so it meant there weren’t even dishes to use). i have a chronic illness that makes it hard for me to use the dining hall- i need to cook for myself- and without the kitchen available to me, i often couldn’t eat breakfast or lunch. by the start of the spring semester, she had stopped warning me when she was going to have people over and the noise and the mess were causing me frequent anxiety attacks. i voiced my concerns several times and eventually said i wasn’t okay with any partying in the house anymore. i got told that this was unreasonable since we were in college and i should expect the mess and parties. so, i got residence life involved because living there was taking a massive toll on my mental health. during my room change request, i mentioned my roommate’s substance use as one of the reasons i wanted to leave. to be clear, i don’t care if people use substances, i care if someone’s substance use is impacting other people. i moved into my new dorm and things have been significantly better. but suddenly my old housemates were giving me the cold shoulder, despite most of them being supportive of my decision to move out. i later learned that the roommate i was having issues with had been fired from her job because of my report. (she served on the college student judicial board, so there’s a pretty strict code of conduct.) i’m worried that i threw her under the bus, but i’m not sure if i could have gotten my room changed if i hadn’t fully explained what was going on. i didn’t know she would get fired. so, am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. your complaints were completely reasonable. and as far as your old roommate's job was concerned, it was not you but her conduct that got her kicked off the judicial board. someone who acts as she does has no business judging others, and you did a big service to your fellow students by reporting her. </s>
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.