submission_title
stringlengths 15
304
| submission_text
stringlengths 0
3.4k
| submission_score
int64 145
70.8k
| submission_url
stringlengths 70
106
| submission_date
stringlengths 19
19
| top_comment_1
stringlengths 3
810
| top_comment_2
stringlengths 0
5.07k
⌀ | top_comment_3
stringlengths 0
7.01k
⌀ | top_comment_4
stringlengths 0
8.67k
⌀ | top_comment_5
stringlengths 0
7.33k
⌀ | top_comment_6
stringlengths 0
6.82k
⌀ | top_comment_7
stringlengths 0
4.75k
⌀ | top_comment_8
stringlengths 0
9.25k
⌀ | top_comment_9
stringlengths 0
9.74k
⌀ | top_comment_10
stringlengths 0
8.27k
⌀ | top_comment_1_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_2_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_3_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_4_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_5_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_6_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_7_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_8_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_9_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_10_classification
stringclasses 5
values | ambiguity_score
float64 0
1
| flanT5_instruction
stringlengths 475
3.86k
| llama2_instruction
stringlengths 517
4.34k
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
AITA for not letting my son move back home unless he gets rid of his pet snake?
|
my son and husband are fans of this page, and thought it would be useful in giving me some perspective on this argument.
i have a 28 year old son. he moved out at 18 to go to college, and has not been back since. he got his masters degree, and got married. recently, he and his wife decided to split. he also was laid off from his job. because he fell on hard times, his father and i agreed to let him come back and stay in our basement apartment. there he can get back on his feet.
for some background, my son has always been fond of snakes and other reptiles. he is a herpetologist. we got him a ball python at age 10 that he still has, and he has many other snakes and lizards. i do not have a problem with most of them. my son, however, also has a gaboon viper. he’s has the snake for around 8 years. if you know anything about this snake, you will know that it is highly dangerous. he has a permit for the snake. i don’t want it in my house.
i remember several occasions where his ball python got out when he was younger. this is not a snake that should ever get out. i have told him he needs to re-home it before he can move in.
both my son and my husband think i’m an asshole for this. they both argue that he knows what he’s doing, and i should trust him. he loves the snake, he’s had it for the better part of a decade, and he knows it will be hard to re-home. they are comparing it to rehoming a dog or a cat, which i don’t think is the same. all of the rest of the animals are welcome, not this one. they think i’m making my sons transition back home difficult, and that i’m not being fair since he’s paying rent. he’s very upset, and is brought to tears when i say he must re-home the snake. am i being an asshole?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i9bjgo/aita_for_not_letting_my_son_move_back_home_unless/
|
2020-08-14 00:11:28
|
nta - this is not a cat or a dog - it's an incredibly deadly snake.
it has zero attachment to him, it does not care who feeds it or how it got fed and the smallest of mistakes on his part could get someone in his family killed.
if he is a herpetologist then he has co-workers and he has connections in his field and he could re-home that snake pdq if he wanted to.
put your foot down, leave it down, and if it bothers your husband tell him he can go live with your son and the snake.
|
i was fully prepared to say y t a but this is a fucking gaboon viper. that is literally one of the most venomous snakes on the face of this planet.
and you don’t *know* that your son is a good snake handler. nta at all.
|
nta they are very dangerous. yes he's a herpetologist but even they can make mistakes and that is not a snake you can fuck up with.
|
nta.
even if just due to the risk of earthquakes or other unexpected phenomena, i would not want a viper in my house whose venom can kill within minutes. your son could be the safest in the world about things within his control, and still there are things -- unlikely, but real things -- outside his control. it is one thing for him to choose that risk for himself; it's quite another to extend the risk to other people.
|
nta you’re a better mom than me allowing the other snakes. i don’t think i’d be ok with any of them getting loose in my home especially with our small dogs!
|
nah. it’s a part of his family. it’s also dangerous. he’s better served by moving elsewhere than forcing it on you, or you forcing him to give up his baby.
|
nta he might pay rent but at the end of the day it’s still your house. you’re essentially his landlord and have every right to set these t&c’s if he wants to move into your home.
|
i’m sorry but i’m going to say nta.
i love snakes. love them. a venomous one though, one that would kill you. nope. sorry. not in my house. i’m happy for them to live outside and go about their lives no problem, but not inside the house. i wouldn’t be able to sleep.
can someone hold it for him until he’s able to get up and out again?
|
going into the post i was gonna say yta because i thought it was just a little corn snake or something but a gaboon viper is scary so nta
is there any way to compromise? like having the snake in a specific room where you put something that blocks the bottom of the room’s door so if it ever does get out it can’t get out of the room? and then you just never go in the room?
|
nta he’s asking to move back into your house, if you don’t want to live with a venomous snake, one that has some of the longest fangs in the world, then that is your choice. no one should try to guilt you into allowing this either. if anything he should see if he can house the snake at a facility or at someone else’s house that has a secure snake room.
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
| 0.15977 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son and husband are fans of this page, and thought it would be useful in giving me some perspective on this argument. i have a 28 year old son. he moved out at 18 to go to college, and has not been back since. he got his masters degree, and got married. recently, he and his wife decided to split. he also was laid off from his job. because he fell on hard times, his father and i agreed to let him come back and stay in our basement apartment. there he can get back on his feet. for some background, my son has always been fond of snakes and other reptiles. he is a herpetologist. we got him a ball python at age 10 that he still has, and he has many other snakes and lizards. i do not have a problem with most of them. my son, however, also has a gaboon viper. he’s has the snake for around 8 years. if you know anything about this snake, you will know that it is highly dangerous. he has a permit for the snake. i don’t want it in my house. i remember several occasions where his ball python got out when he was younger. this is not a snake that should ever get out. i have told him he needs to re-home it before he can move in. both my son and my husband think i’m an asshole for this. they both argue that he knows what he’s doing, and i should trust him. he loves the snake, he’s had it for the better part of a decade, and he knows it will be hard to re-home. they are comparing it to rehoming a dog or a cat, which i don’t think is the same. all of the rest of the animals are welcome, not this one. they think i’m making my sons transition back home difficult, and that i’m not being fair since he’s paying rent. he’s very upset, and is brought to tears when i say he must re-home the snake. am i being an asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my son and husband are fans of this page, and thought it would be useful in giving me some perspective on this argument. i have a 28 year old son. he moved out at 18 to go to college, and has not been back since. he got his masters degree, and got married. recently, he and his wife decided to split. he also was laid off from his job. because he fell on hard times, his father and i agreed to let him come back and stay in our basement apartment. there he can get back on his feet. for some background, my son has always been fond of snakes and other reptiles. he is a herpetologist. we got him a ball python at age 10 that he still has, and he has many other snakes and lizards. i do not have a problem with most of them. my son, however, also has a gaboon viper. he’s has the snake for around 8 years. if you know anything about this snake, you will know that it is highly dangerous. he has a permit for the snake. i don’t want it in my house. i remember several occasions where his ball python got out when he was younger. this is not a snake that should ever get out. i have told him he needs to re-home it before he can move in. both my son and my husband think i’m an asshole for this. they both argue that he knows what he’s doing, and i should trust him. he loves the snake, he’s had it for the better part of a decade, and he knows it will be hard to re-home. they are comparing it to rehoming a dog or a cat, which i don’t think is the same. all of the rest of the animals are welcome, not this one. they think i’m making my sons transition back home difficult, and that i’m not being fair since he’s paying rent. he’s very upset, and is brought to tears when i say he must re-home the snake. am i being an asshole? [/INST] nta - this is not a cat or a dog - it's an incredibly deadly snake. it has zero attachment to him, it does not care who feeds it or how it got fed and the smallest of mistakes on his part could get someone in his family killed. if he is a herpetologist then he has co-workers and he has connections in his field and he could re-home that snake pdq if he wanted to. put your foot down, leave it down, and if it bothers your husband tell him he can go live with your son and the snake. </s>
|
AITA for confronting my girlfriend about her Dungeons and Dragons romance?
|
my (24m) girlfriend (23f) of almost two years has a hobby of playing dungeons and dragons, and she's been playing with the same group for three years now, which consists of three guys around our age and her, no other women. they used to play pretty much every weekend at one of the guys' houses, but since covid they've been playing remotely, so i've been overhearing bits and pieces of their games while she plays from home.
that's how i found out my girlfriend's character got married to one of the guys' characters. i asked her about it, and she confirmed that they had a whole romance, had a wedding right before a big battle, said vows to each other, etc., playing it off as funny and normal. but then the next week i heard them talking "in character" to each other and heard her say, "i love you and will always be loyal to you," with her voice sounding really sincere. this made me suspicious that there was something else going on between them — i mean, i don't think i would be able to speak to someone in that way without actually having feelings for them, and they spend a lot of time together every week playing, and she's very attractive. why would this "romance" have started in the first place if there weren't sexual tension between the two actual people in the room? it's not that unreasonable a suspicion imo.
so i confronted her about it. she basically said it's just a game and i shouldn't take it so seriously, and that there were "plot reasons" they got married anyway. i said it was more the way she talked to him and the fact that this romance came up in the first place that made me suspicious that something else was going on. she said something like, "do you honestly believe i've slept with \[other guy\]?" and i said i don't know. at that point she basically shut down, then later that night she went to stay with her mom. she texted me yesterday saying that if i don't trust her then she's not sure we should be together. i do trust her, but i also think my concerns were justified. i no longer think she's actually had sex with him, but i think it was fair for me to ask given the circumstances.
aita?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iocj09/aita_for_confronting_my_girlfriend_about_her/
|
2020-09-07 18:03:25
|
yta. it’s a game get over it. it’s the same thing as an actor playing the part of a married person and saying the same thing, kissing them on screen, having sex on screen. as a spouse or partner you don’t get to get mad at that, it’s just acting. same thing with dnd in this case (i mean if they had actual sex or made out that would be going too far, but yeah, her comments in character are just that, role playing that’s why it’s called a role playing game.)
|
i married my nephew in everquest years ago. should i be worried now???
|
if you genuinely trusted your girlfriend i don't think you would have had such an issue with made up characters in a game getting married. yta
|
yta.
i encourage you to think of it like this. if your gf was a theater major and kissed a guy on stage after saying very convincingly that she loved him, would you have a similar reaction?
i understand roleplaying games aren't for everyone. but if it is important to your gf of two years, it's probably good to invest in her interests a bit, at least on an educational level. watch some of the more popular d&d shows a little to at least get a feel for the theatrical nature of it to put your insecurities to rest.
|
yta - i get where you're coming from but you have to remind yourself that it's just a game, if they've been playing this game together for 3 years, don't you think if something was going on between them outside the game that he'd be her boyfriend and not you? and you can't say you trust your girlfriend, then accuse her of having feelings for and sleeping with someone else, that's not trust at all if you're letting a game get in the way of your relationship.
|
[deleted]
|
yta, and exhausting
|
yta. have you played role playing games yourself before? in game romances are common and not necessarily indicative of anything in real life. if you’re so concerned about it, how about trying to understand the actual game itself and what’s normal?
|
yta. she was playing a character, and you turned that into her having sex with the person playing another character--of course she doesn't want to be around you.
in that type of gaming, you really compartmentalize in order to be able to constantly improvise accurately as your character rather than responding as you would yourself. let me put it this way--the odds are pretty high that her character has killed enemies in the game, so are using that to accuse her of murdering someone in real life?
|
nah, people develop real feelings based on ingame chemistry all the time when roleplaying in any form - it happens in fandom roleplay, larp, and dnd because the chemistry between characters can feel like it's "real" to some. it's fair to ask her, but i see why she would feel hurt by the suspicion.
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (24m) girlfriend (23f) of almost two years has a hobby of playing dungeons and dragons, and she's been playing with the same group for three years now, which consists of three guys around our age and her, no other women. they used to play pretty much every weekend at one of the guys' houses, but since covid they've been playing remotely, so i've been overhearing bits and pieces of their games while she plays from home. that's how i found out my girlfriend's character got married to one of the guys' characters. i asked her about it, and she confirmed that they had a whole romance, had a wedding right before a big battle, said vows to each other, etc., playing it off as funny and normal. but then the next week i heard them talking "in character" to each other and heard her say, "i love you and will always be loyal to you," with her voice sounding really sincere. this made me suspicious that there was something else going on between them — i mean, i don't think i would be able to speak to someone in that way without actually having feelings for them, and they spend a lot of time together every week playing, and she's very attractive. why would this "romance" have started in the first place if there weren't sexual tension between the two actual people in the room? it's not that unreasonable a suspicion imo. so i confronted her about it. she basically said it's just a game and i shouldn't take it so seriously, and that there were "plot reasons" they got married anyway. i said it was more the way she talked to him and the fact that this romance came up in the first place that made me suspicious that something else was going on. she said something like, "do you honestly believe i've slept with \[other guy\]?" and i said i don't know. at that point she basically shut down, then later that night she went to stay with her mom. she texted me yesterday saying that if i don't trust her then she's not sure we should be together. i do trust her, but i also think my concerns were justified. i no longer think she's actually had sex with him, but i think it was fair for me to ask given the circumstances. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (24m) girlfriend (23f) of almost two years has a hobby of playing dungeons and dragons, and she's been playing with the same group for three years now, which consists of three guys around our age and her, no other women. they used to play pretty much every weekend at one of the guys' houses, but since covid they've been playing remotely, so i've been overhearing bits and pieces of their games while she plays from home. that's how i found out my girlfriend's character got married to one of the guys' characters. i asked her about it, and she confirmed that they had a whole romance, had a wedding right before a big battle, said vows to each other, etc., playing it off as funny and normal. but then the next week i heard them talking "in character" to each other and heard her say, "i love you and will always be loyal to you," with her voice sounding really sincere. this made me suspicious that there was something else going on between them — i mean, i don't think i would be able to speak to someone in that way without actually having feelings for them, and they spend a lot of time together every week playing, and she's very attractive. why would this "romance" have started in the first place if there weren't sexual tension between the two actual people in the room? it's not that unreasonable a suspicion imo. so i confronted her about it. she basically said it's just a game and i shouldn't take it so seriously, and that there were "plot reasons" they got married anyway. i said it was more the way she talked to him and the fact that this romance came up in the first place that made me suspicious that something else was going on. she said something like, "do you honestly believe i've slept with \[other guy\]?" and i said i don't know. at that point she basically shut down, then later that night she went to stay with her mom. she texted me yesterday saying that if i don't trust her then she's not sure we should be together. i do trust her, but i also think my concerns were justified. i no longer think she's actually had sex with him, but i think it was fair for me to ask given the circumstances. aita? [/INST] yta. it’s a game get over it. it’s the same thing as an actor playing the part of a married person and saying the same thing, kissing them on screen, having sex on screen. as a spouse or partner you don’t get to get mad at that, it’s just acting. same thing with dnd in this case (i mean if they had actual sex or made out that would be going too far, but yeah, her comments in character are just that, role playing that’s why it’s called a role playing game.) </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to go to a friend’s wedding ceremony after not being invited to the reception
|
hey, my friend is due to get married this weekend and i was invited to both the ceremony and reception, however a couple of days ago we were gaming and i said i was looking forward to it and he paused and then said ‘sorry i sent you the wrong invite, it’s only the ceremony you can come to as i haven’t got enough space at the reception’. i didn’t really mind as if quite a laidback person but i’m not sure if i should go to the ceremony as i feel it might be awkward, especially when other friends of his who are also my friends will be there and then heading to reception straight after. i’ve known him for around 10 years yet people he’s known less have been invited to the reception - after i secured a job and got into a relationship i didn’t really get time to see my friends as often as i’d like to have. either way, i’m in two minds whether to go or not, i don’t get how he could send the wrong invite?
thanks
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eg933u/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_a_friends_wedding/
|
2019-12-27 09:26:27
|
nta. that is just rude. i feel like wedding and reception is a package deal. guest should be invited to both. sounds like they just want a present. i wouldn't go either.
|
nta- seems strange to have someone at your ceremony then just expect them to leave and go home while everyone around them goes to the reception.
|
nta i would not go nor give a gift.
|
nta. i wouldn’t go, and i hope you didn’t send a gift yet.
|
nta. he clearly doesn't see you as an important friend so why bother going to the ceremony.
|
nta. that's just extremely rude, so i am thinking that they just wanted your present.
no present and don't attend since you're not an actual guest. also, that's not your friend.
|
nta.
it would be completely acceptable to invite you to just one part of the day, actually quite standard. it is however incredibly rude to have “sent the wrong invite” and not just try to accommodate you.
|
nta - being invited for only the ceremony is more of a "polite" invitation, true friends get a full invitation. you might want to discuss with him about that change of mind.
|
nta - i’m having flashbacks to the guy who was in a similar situation and ended up as an unpaid employee/usher at the wedding ceremony.
i personally find it odd to invite you to the ceremony and not the reception (isn’t it usually the other way around) but your friend is a massive asshole for reneging your reception invite instead of dealing with his mistake and making room for one more. that’s so incredibly rude.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hey, my friend is due to get married this weekend and i was invited to both the ceremony and reception, however a couple of days ago we were gaming and i said i was looking forward to it and he paused and then said ‘sorry i sent you the wrong invite, it’s only the ceremony you can come to as i haven’t got enough space at the reception’. i didn’t really mind as if quite a laidback person but i’m not sure if i should go to the ceremony as i feel it might be awkward, especially when other friends of his who are also my friends will be there and then heading to reception straight after. i’ve known him for around 10 years yet people he’s known less have been invited to the reception - after i secured a job and got into a relationship i didn’t really get time to see my friends as often as i’d like to have. either way, i’m in two minds whether to go or not, i don’t get how he could send the wrong invite? thanks
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hey, my friend is due to get married this weekend and i was invited to both the ceremony and reception, however a couple of days ago we were gaming and i said i was looking forward to it and he paused and then said ‘sorry i sent you the wrong invite, it’s only the ceremony you can come to as i haven’t got enough space at the reception’. i didn’t really mind as if quite a laidback person but i’m not sure if i should go to the ceremony as i feel it might be awkward, especially when other friends of his who are also my friends will be there and then heading to reception straight after. i’ve known him for around 10 years yet people he’s known less have been invited to the reception - after i secured a job and got into a relationship i didn’t really get time to see my friends as often as i’d like to have. either way, i’m in two minds whether to go or not, i don’t get how he could send the wrong invite? thanks [/INST] nta. that is just rude. i feel like wedding and reception is a package deal. guest should be invited to both. sounds like they just want a present. i wouldn't go either. </s>
|
AITA for crying about not having a car bought for me?
|
i 17 year old female have 2 older brothers (19 and 20)and one younger(13). i’m about to get my permit my father (52) is a car sells man. when ever my older brothers turned 17 they got to get a car from my father and they got that as their birthday surprise. well this year i am kind of upset to find out my dad will not be surprising me with a car for me, instead my mother(40) is getting the surprise car this year. my mom and i have an okay relationship ,but i was a little hurt to know she was the one getting the surprise car and not me ,but i know sadly that by the time my younger brother turns 17 he’ll be getting a car for his birthday sometime when he is 17 ,i’m just really upset because my mom will be giving me her old car so i’m not surprised this year. now don’t get me wrong the car is actually very nice and has the best radio ,but just the fact that i don’t have that
experience and more than likely i’ll have to buy my own car hurts. i know my dad will buy my little brother a car so i just kinda have to stick with moms old car i was crying about it cause i just feel like they are treating me a little different. i am grateful though that i get to have a car just sad that i don’t get one for my birthday instead my dad bought an expensive car for my mom instead. so i need to know i’m i the asshole for crying about it?
i apologize there are something’s i should’ve mentioned my moms car has gear shift problems also it’s not the car itself that made me cry my father had promise me this for awhile that he would get me as i’ll put it a used car but new to me car there were promises and i had high hopes i just wanted to clear this up my apologies.
also i am grateful i have a car it’s just not new to me that’s all i’m sorry
still aita?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tp71jk/aita_for_crying_about_not_having_a_car_bought_for/
|
2022-03-26 23:09:12
|
nta. your dad clearly favors your brothers. and instead of surprising you with a car, he surprises your mom. true, you get a “free” car but it hurts knowing your dad treated you differently. your feelings are valid op!
|
nta, this stinks of misogyny to me. you are being treated differently than your brothers are. this is not how parents should raise their children
|
nta. why now? if you're turning seventeen and you watched your brothers get cars at that age, why would they choose this year to get your mother the car and if her car is just fine, why hand it over to you? it does feel like favoritism.
|
nta. you were expecting the same treatment as your brothers and are disappointed. the favoritism is strong in that situation and you're allowed to feel your feelings.
|
info: so you are getting car; is the car you are being given from your mom approximately the same value as the cars your brothers received?
honestly, it makes perfect sense to gift you your mom’s previous car as she is getting a new one as long as it it not an inferior vehicle to what your brothers received. if your brothers objectively were gifted cars that were worth a lot more than yours, your parents would be ta.
|
info: did he buy your older brothers brand spanking new cars? is your mom getting a brand new car?
while i can see that you might feel left out, you still got a car in the end. it just makes you come across as an entitled kid.
|
nta. all the ytas in here are telling you to be thankful for the car, which you clearly are in the post. it isn’t about the car but the different treatment your family is giving you. definitely nta.
|
yta you're getting a car stop whining the privilege and entitlement in this post
editing to add on - her mums old car that she is getting is the same as the ones her brothers got which were also second hand cars
|
nta. based on your comments, isn’t about the car. it’s about the ritual. it’s something that happens to every member of your family, and those sort of things bond families together. you are not getting that bonding and celebration. you said you like your mom’s car and all the cars are used. so it’s not about how good the car is. it’s that your dad seemed excited to surprise your brothers with cars as part of a celebration and he doesn’t seem to want to do the same with you.
of course you’d feel slighted. your dad wanted to make your brothers’ birthdays fun and memorable, and yours is now just practical.
it probably isn’t what he meant to do, but it’s how it’s going to feel.
|
info are the cars that your siblings are getting brand new? like right off the bat, new, never used cars? or are the cars used cars?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.167705 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i 17 year old female have 2 older brothers (19 and 20)and one younger(13). i’m about to get my permit my father (52) is a car sells man. when ever my older brothers turned 17 they got to get a car from my father and they got that as their birthday surprise. well this year i am kind of upset to find out my dad will not be surprising me with a car for me, instead my mother(40) is getting the surprise car this year. my mom and i have an okay relationship ,but i was a little hurt to know she was the one getting the surprise car and not me ,but i know sadly that by the time my younger brother turns 17 he’ll be getting a car for his birthday sometime when he is 17 ,i’m just really upset because my mom will be giving me her old car so i’m not surprised this year. now don’t get me wrong the car is actually very nice and has the best radio ,but just the fact that i don’t have that experience and more than likely i’ll have to buy my own car hurts. i know my dad will buy my little brother a car so i just kinda have to stick with moms old car i was crying about it cause i just feel like they are treating me a little different. i am grateful though that i get to have a car just sad that i don’t get one for my birthday instead my dad bought an expensive car for my mom instead. so i need to know i’m i the asshole for crying about it? i apologize there are something’s i should’ve mentioned my moms car has gear shift problems also it’s not the car itself that made me cry my father had promise me this for awhile that he would get me as i’ll put it a used car but new to me car there were promises and i had high hopes i just wanted to clear this up my apologies. also i am grateful i have a car it’s just not new to me that’s all i’m sorry still aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i 17 year old female have 2 older brothers (19 and 20)and one younger(13). i’m about to get my permit my father (52) is a car sells man. when ever my older brothers turned 17 they got to get a car from my father and they got that as their birthday surprise. well this year i am kind of upset to find out my dad will not be surprising me with a car for me, instead my mother(40) is getting the surprise car this year. my mom and i have an okay relationship ,but i was a little hurt to know she was the one getting the surprise car and not me ,but i know sadly that by the time my younger brother turns 17 he’ll be getting a car for his birthday sometime when he is 17 ,i’m just really upset because my mom will be giving me her old car so i’m not surprised this year. now don’t get me wrong the car is actually very nice and has the best radio ,but just the fact that i don’t have that experience and more than likely i’ll have to buy my own car hurts. i know my dad will buy my little brother a car so i just kinda have to stick with moms old car i was crying about it cause i just feel like they are treating me a little different. i am grateful though that i get to have a car just sad that i don’t get one for my birthday instead my dad bought an expensive car for my mom instead. so i need to know i’m i the asshole for crying about it? i apologize there are something’s i should’ve mentioned my moms car has gear shift problems also it’s not the car itself that made me cry my father had promise me this for awhile that he would get me as i’ll put it a used car but new to me car there were promises and i had high hopes i just wanted to clear this up my apologies. also i am grateful i have a car it’s just not new to me that’s all i’m sorry still aita? [/INST] nta. your dad clearly favors your brothers. and instead of surprising you with a car, he surprises your mom. true, you get a “free” car but it hurts knowing your dad treated you differently. your feelings are valid op! </s>
|
AITA for making my sister give me my 40 dollars on her birthday?
|
my (f22) sister's (f17) bday was a few days ago and my aunt visited us shortly to celebrate (she was the only one invited). my aunt gave my sister 40 dollars as her birthday gift, and she gave me 40 dollars too because she was not able to visit during my birthday last year. after my aunt left, my sister admitted that our aunt gave us another 40 dollars each, but she handed it to my sister because i was busy preparing the food. my sister does not want to give me the other 40 dollars because she thinks its supposed to be hers since its her birthday, not mine. i would actually let her have it if she just asked nicely but im really pissed because she acts as if it was hers in the first place. i yelled at her and we got into some stupid fight because of some 40 dollars. aita? i know i should have just dropped it since its just 40 dollars and its her birthday anyway.
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mmfgpl/aita_for_making_my_sister_give_me_my_40_dollars/
|
2021-04-08 00:04:34
|
nta. your sister stole money meant for you.
|
wait. your sister stole your birthday present on her birthday and is trying to claim some kind of purge like 24 hour rule where she can break the law and not face consequences? and you want to know if right and wrong still apply to her on her birthday? ... they do. nta
|
while you’re older and i’d say let it go normally. for a kid too do this is understandable but 17?
she not only told you but decided it was in her best interest to force you lose out on the money. then excused her actions by saying it’s her birthday. i have uncivil words for a person like that i can gladly say this is asshole like behavior.
nta. get the $40 back. it was a gift for you she got her $80 and wanted yours too.
|
nta. it was given to you and it's yours. i doubt she'd say the same thing if you were taking money meant for her.
|
nta. get it back, don't let her think this sort of behavior is acceptable at all.
|
nta
that money was for you too as she stole it. if you want to go full petty let your aunt know what she did and i’d go into her room, find something for roughly that value that she used regularly and hold it ransom 🤣🤣
|
nta she stole from you. ask aunt how she feels about all of this. i promise you aunt will be very unhappy.
|
every birthday and christmas give her a card saying her gift is paid for with the birthday money she stole from you.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (f22) sister's (f17) bday was a few days ago and my aunt visited us shortly to celebrate (she was the only one invited). my aunt gave my sister 40 dollars as her birthday gift, and she gave me 40 dollars too because she was not able to visit during my birthday last year. after my aunt left, my sister admitted that our aunt gave us another 40 dollars each, but she handed it to my sister because i was busy preparing the food. my sister does not want to give me the other 40 dollars because she thinks its supposed to be hers since its her birthday, not mine. i would actually let her have it if she just asked nicely but im really pissed because she acts as if it was hers in the first place. i yelled at her and we got into some stupid fight because of some 40 dollars. aita? i know i should have just dropped it since its just 40 dollars and its her birthday anyway.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (f22) sister's (f17) bday was a few days ago and my aunt visited us shortly to celebrate (she was the only one invited). my aunt gave my sister 40 dollars as her birthday gift, and she gave me 40 dollars too because she was not able to visit during my birthday last year. after my aunt left, my sister admitted that our aunt gave us another 40 dollars each, but she handed it to my sister because i was busy preparing the food. my sister does not want to give me the other 40 dollars because she thinks its supposed to be hers since its her birthday, not mine. i would actually let her have it if she just asked nicely but im really pissed because she acts as if it was hers in the first place. i yelled at her and we got into some stupid fight because of some 40 dollars. aita? i know i should have just dropped it since its just 40 dollars and its her birthday anyway. [/INST] nta. your sister stole money meant for you. </s>
|
AITA for not using my girlfriend's expensive gift to me more often?
|
i have been playing guitar for about 10 years. i started off on a squier guitar my parents got for me. i've had that same guitar since then and it's the only one i have had. i've made some upgrades to it over the years, and i really never really felt like buying anything else apart from getting a nice amplifier few years back.
this past christmas my girlfriend bought me a brand new stratocaster guitar that's worth like $1600. same exact color and everything, and while i was appreciative of it, i never use it. i just like my squier too much.
my girlfriend says that i really should have told her i didn't like the gift and some other stuff about not respecting her. some of her friends have come over and the subject came up and they really feel like i should try to play it more.
i did like the gift though, i just don't like using it. at the moment it's in a see through case in my living room. it's a beautiful instrument, but i just don't like playing it.
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eqpf0f/aita_for_not_using_my_girlfriends_expensive_gift/
|
2020-01-19 00:57:41
|
nah.
she has a right to feel hurt that her expensive gift isn't being used. you have a right to play whatever you want.
but if you don't see yourself playing with your new guitar anytime soon, maybe the value of it can be spent better elsewhere on a vacation for the two of you or something?
|
nah. a musician's instrument is important to them. my boyfriend never buys anything i don't approve of first. obviously, amplifiers and things are fine. but, the instrument is personal. that being said, a non musician doesn't understand that connection. and even so, i do think you should make a little more effort to be appreciative. she obviously bought it for you, she wants to see you play it. i don't think it's too much to ask that you try to incorporate it in your rotation, and at least get used to it, to try to like it. with enough practice, you may learn to love it. so, i agree with you both here. you need to show more appreciation towards your gift, and she needs to not make you feel guilty about it.
|
ooo boy ima have to say yta while i get the whole thing that you appreciate it and do like it, $1600 is a hella amount for just a decoration if you didn’t pay for it yourself
|
nah - i stuck with my epiphone for a long time even though my dad bought me an ibanez prestige. i was just used to my old one. i would still break out ibanez every once in a while because i like to switch things up and see what guitar produces the sound i’m looking for, but i just felt weird being an amateur playing on a steve vai guitar. at the same time she gave you something she spent a lot of money on and was being very thoughtful. at least give it some try’s while she’s around, don’t just write it off for sentimental purposes.
|
nah - you are not an asshole for not using it, but you would be if you just put it in a box and left it in a dark room to never be seen. your girlfriend does have a valid point though, she got you a really thoughtful gift, and you really should use it more, lest your girlfriend think you are unappreciative of her gift
| null | null | null | null | null |
NAH
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.384 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have been playing guitar for about 10 years. i started off on a squier guitar my parents got for me. i've had that same guitar since then and it's the only one i have had. i've made some upgrades to it over the years, and i really never really felt like buying anything else apart from getting a nice amplifier few years back. this past christmas my girlfriend bought me a brand new stratocaster guitar that's worth like $1600. same exact color and everything, and while i was appreciative of it, i never use it. i just like my squier too much. my girlfriend says that i really should have told her i didn't like the gift and some other stuff about not respecting her. some of her friends have come over and the subject came up and they really feel like i should try to play it more. i did like the gift though, i just don't like using it. at the moment it's in a see through case in my living room. it's a beautiful instrument, but i just don't like playing it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have been playing guitar for about 10 years. i started off on a squier guitar my parents got for me. i've had that same guitar since then and it's the only one i have had. i've made some upgrades to it over the years, and i really never really felt like buying anything else apart from getting a nice amplifier few years back. this past christmas my girlfriend bought me a brand new stratocaster guitar that's worth like $1600. same exact color and everything, and while i was appreciative of it, i never use it. i just like my squier too much. my girlfriend says that i really should have told her i didn't like the gift and some other stuff about not respecting her. some of her friends have come over and the subject came up and they really feel like i should try to play it more. i did like the gift though, i just don't like using it. at the moment it's in a see through case in my living room. it's a beautiful instrument, but i just don't like playing it. [/INST] nah. she has a right to feel hurt that her expensive gift isn't being used. you have a right to play whatever you want. but if you don't see yourself playing with your new guitar anytime soon, maybe the value of it can be spent better elsewhere on a vacation for the two of you or something? </s>
|
AITA if I message my sister in law...
|
this is a pretty short, cut and dry story.
my brother married this awesome woman years back. they have a couple kids, and seem to get along really well.
until recently when i was told by another family member that my brother was cheating on his wife and they would be getting a divorce. **
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/avjqo0/aita_if_i_message_my_sister_in_law/
|
2019-02-27 23:05:01
|
nta. i think it would be nice for her to hear she has support during a hard time.
|
nta - my ex husband cheated on me, and his sister made a point of taking me out for drinks after we had split. we stopped talking after that because i found it too painful, but it really helped me at the time. i loved it and i miss her.
i say message her.
|
nta - she is your family, too. they’ve been together for some time and have children together - now you have shared blood. if you don’t have much of a relationship with your brother but you do have a relationship with her, then contact her.
i am sure many people in her position are suddenly dumped by their in law family, even though they aren’t at fault. there could be more to the story but it sounds like this is likely rooted in issues your brother created based on what you’ve said. it would probably mean a lot to her if you contacted her.
sure, your brother or other family members might get pissed but if you value your relationship with your sil, then call her up. your family will still be your family and my guess is that they’ll get over it if you contact her, but she may always remember how you didn’t call her in her time of need if you don’t reach out.
at this point your brother is the asshole and his actions negate any “loyalty” you need to show him - he couldn’t even be loyal to his wife who he made vows to.
|
nta. your brother doesn’t own you - just because you are related does not mean you will overlook stupid behaviour on his part.
just be aware that he might go nuclear if he finds out so may be worth giving him a heads up?
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is a pretty short, cut and dry story. my brother married this awesome woman years back. they have a couple kids, and seem to get along really well. until recently when i was told by another family member that my brother was cheating on his wife and they would be getting a divorce. **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is a pretty short, cut and dry story. my brother married this awesome woman years back. they have a couple kids, and seem to get along really well. until recently when i was told by another family member that my brother was cheating on his wife and they would be getting a divorce. ** [/INST] nta. i think it would be nice for her to hear she has support during a hard time. </s>
|
AITA for complaining about a teen mom bringing her kid to work?
|
for context: i (18f) work at a pretty popular fast-food chain in the us. my particular workplace is a common first job for teens and brings in a very diverse group of people of all ages. i work for a franchise which basically means a person owns my store rather than a corporation. this will be important later.
on to the problem. i work with a girl named brooke (18f) who had her first kid at 16. she dropped out of school and supports herself and her baby by working. me and her are acquaintances due to working together and we often talk, she is a generally nice person. brooke has an older sister who also works with us named lena and they are extremely close. often times brooke will come see lena while she is working and bring her toddler with her, this wouldn't be an issue but as i explained before i work at a fast-food chain, and it isn't the best environment for a child. brooke will let her toddler run through the back of our store where people are using our grill and fryers without shoes on. she sits her kid on the counter space next to the fryer and lets her eat our food. not only is this very unsanitary but it is extremely dangerous without proper supervision. the other day i was pulling meat off our grill and grease splattered onto the floor. in doing so i unintentionally almost burned brooke's toddler who was walking around in the kitchen. brooke did not notice. she carried on talking to her sister clearly oblivious to anything that is happening. i continue to work but do so cautiously because of the kid. later i bring up my discomfort about the kid being in the kitchen to my manager and another coworker nearby and they tell me everyone loves having the kid around. i continue explaining my discomfort and they tell me it's none of my business how brooke parents her child and that i should shut up because i'm being an ah. i feel really uncomfortable having a child in my work environment and am considering talking to my store's owner, a friend of mine told me that brooke could be fired for this and that i should just mind my own business. wibta if i went to my store's owner about this, possibly jeopardizing brooke's job?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tvem0k/aita_for_complaining_about_a_teen_mom_bringing/
|
2022-04-03 17:28:27
|
nta. i am sitting here quietly screaming at the idea of a toddler in a fast-food restaurant kitchen, filled with things that could send her to the hospital or kill her. (toddler! fryers!) if the manager won't put the brakes on this, tell the owner. if the owner also doesn't care, get out of there -- you're working with people who don't have minimal common-sense standards for safety.
|
nta. better than the child getting hurt because the mom can’t be bothered to do her job.
|
nta i worked in restaurants for 30 years and no one who isn’t working should be in the kitchen. no one should be in there without nonslip shoes, let alone barefoot. if that baby gets hurt, all hell will break loose and i think the owner would want to know.
|
nta.
quit and on your way out the door make three very specific phone calls.
1. cps
2.) the health department
3. osha
|
nta. there are so many ways that child can end up getting hurt and it's a lawsuit waiting to happen. it's fine if she wants to bring her kid and let her kid be in the lobby, but in the kitchen? nah, not okay.
|
nta, that is wildly unsafe! get a friend to make an anonymous complaint.
|
nta is this even legal? i imagine the owner would be even angrier if the child got injured in the kitchen. and what if the health inspector came by when the kid was there? the owner has the right to know if a non-employee is in the kitchen. and i’m a little surprised the manager is okay with it. aren’t they suppose to be the ones keeping everything in line?
|
nta
it would be different if she had the baby in a safe area or generally paid attention to their safety. she isn't. you aren't wrong for being concerned.
|
nta
the child's safety takes precedence but also having a kid back there could jeopardize everyone's job since it's definitely a food safety issue as well.
|
the board of health would lose it's mind if they ever happened to come in and see that. we won't even talk about osha!
the owner definitely needs to be made aware. they could shut the restaurant down!
nta
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context: i (18f) work at a pretty popular fast-food chain in the us. my particular workplace is a common first job for teens and brings in a very diverse group of people of all ages. i work for a franchise which basically means a person owns my store rather than a corporation. this will be important later. on to the problem. i work with a girl named brooke (18f) who had her first kid at 16. she dropped out of school and supports herself and her baby by working. me and her are acquaintances due to working together and we often talk, she is a generally nice person. brooke has an older sister who also works with us named lena and they are extremely close. often times brooke will come see lena while she is working and bring her toddler with her, this wouldn't be an issue but as i explained before i work at a fast-food chain, and it isn't the best environment for a child. brooke will let her toddler run through the back of our store where people are using our grill and fryers without shoes on. she sits her kid on the counter space next to the fryer and lets her eat our food. not only is this very unsanitary but it is extremely dangerous without proper supervision. the other day i was pulling meat off our grill and grease splattered onto the floor. in doing so i unintentionally almost burned brooke's toddler who was walking around in the kitchen. brooke did not notice. she carried on talking to her sister clearly oblivious to anything that is happening. i continue to work but do so cautiously because of the kid. later i bring up my discomfort about the kid being in the kitchen to my manager and another coworker nearby and they tell me everyone loves having the kid around. i continue explaining my discomfort and they tell me it's none of my business how brooke parents her child and that i should shut up because i'm being an ah. i feel really uncomfortable having a child in my work environment and am considering talking to my store's owner, a friend of mine told me that brooke could be fired for this and that i should just mind my own business. wibta if i went to my store's owner about this, possibly jeopardizing brooke's job?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for context: i (18f) work at a pretty popular fast-food chain in the us. my particular workplace is a common first job for teens and brings in a very diverse group of people of all ages. i work for a franchise which basically means a person owns my store rather than a corporation. this will be important later. on to the problem. i work with a girl named brooke (18f) who had her first kid at 16. she dropped out of school and supports herself and her baby by working. me and her are acquaintances due to working together and we often talk, she is a generally nice person. brooke has an older sister who also works with us named lena and they are extremely close. often times brooke will come see lena while she is working and bring her toddler with her, this wouldn't be an issue but as i explained before i work at a fast-food chain, and it isn't the best environment for a child. brooke will let her toddler run through the back of our store where people are using our grill and fryers without shoes on. she sits her kid on the counter space next to the fryer and lets her eat our food. not only is this very unsanitary but it is extremely dangerous without proper supervision. the other day i was pulling meat off our grill and grease splattered onto the floor. in doing so i unintentionally almost burned brooke's toddler who was walking around in the kitchen. brooke did not notice. she carried on talking to her sister clearly oblivious to anything that is happening. i continue to work but do so cautiously because of the kid. later i bring up my discomfort about the kid being in the kitchen to my manager and another coworker nearby and they tell me everyone loves having the kid around. i continue explaining my discomfort and they tell me it's none of my business how brooke parents her child and that i should shut up because i'm being an ah. i feel really uncomfortable having a child in my work environment and am considering talking to my store's owner, a friend of mine told me that brooke could be fired for this and that i should just mind my own business. wibta if i went to my store's owner about this, possibly jeopardizing brooke's job? [/INST] nta. i am sitting here quietly screaming at the idea of a toddler in a fast-food restaurant kitchen, filled with things that could send her to the hospital or kill her. (toddler! fryers!) if the manager won't put the brakes on this, tell the owner. if the owner also doesn't care, get out of there -- you're working with people who don't have minimal common-sense standards for safety. </s>
|
WIBTA if I confronted my daughters teacher for not letting her go to the bathroom?
|
background information, my daughter has had health issues in the past that cause her to have issues with holding it when she has to go potty (both #1 and #2). she hasn't had these issues in a couple years, but we are still very careful about letting her go when she needs to and not make her hold it very long. the issues started when she was in 4 year old pre-k, and she is now in 2nd grade. she has had a doctors note saying she is to be allowed to go whenever she needs to no questions asked. but the note is a couple years old, and i haven't felt the need to update it because there hasn't been a problem with letting her go when she needs. i don't know if the reason why she does my have problems anymore is because we are very careful about letting her go when she needs and making sure she doesn't eat food that causes her a problem or if it's because she outgrew it.
today there was a power outage for the last couple hours of the school day. and after she got in the car she informed me that she was not allowed to go because of the power outage, the toilets have the automatic flushers, that obviously weren't working due to no power, plus no lights in the bathroom. she was legit in tears because she had to pee so bad. she said the teachers aide offered to take her with a flashlight, but her main teacher said no. i have never ever had a problem with this teacher, she also taught her older sister in 2nd grade and we have always loved her. and i totally understand this would have made more work for the custodians
i could be the ah because she really hasn't had problems in awhile, and the teacher was not trying to be malicious. but to tell my daughter who could get health problems from holding it that she can't go just absolutely rubbed me the wrong way. so wibta if i brought it up to her and reminded her that she is medically allowed to go?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rhb7cy/wibta_if_i_confronted_my_daughters_teacher_for/
|
2021-12-15 22:27:06
|
nta. kidneys don’t stop functioning when the power goes out. this wasn’t a valid excuse for refusing to let your daughter use the bathroom. absolutely advocate for your daughter.
|
[deleted]
|
ywnbta - but i wouldn’t “confront” her. i’d have a polite conversation with her. she was likely concerned about potential liability if there were no lights and no flushing toilets - it’s her job to keep your child safe and she likely made what she felt was the safest decision in the circumstances. it’s not like this was a regular old day and she was being mean for no reason, she was trying to cope with multiple children in an out-of-the-ordinary situation.
|
nta.
have a civil conversation don't be accusatory in your discussion.
|
nta. i have crohn's disease and this often frequently have to use the bathroom during flare ups. being denied access to the bathroom means that i could possibly shit myself.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: background information, my daughter has had health issues in the past that cause her to have issues with holding it when she has to go potty (both #1 and #2). she hasn't had these issues in a couple years, but we are still very careful about letting her go when she needs to and not make her hold it very long. the issues started when she was in 4 year old pre-k, and she is now in 2nd grade. she has had a doctors note saying she is to be allowed to go whenever she needs to no questions asked. but the note is a couple years old, and i haven't felt the need to update it because there hasn't been a problem with letting her go when she needs. i don't know if the reason why she does my have problems anymore is because we are very careful about letting her go when she needs and making sure she doesn't eat food that causes her a problem or if it's because she outgrew it. today there was a power outage for the last couple hours of the school day. and after she got in the car she informed me that she was not allowed to go because of the power outage, the toilets have the automatic flushers, that obviously weren't working due to no power, plus no lights in the bathroom. she was legit in tears because she had to pee so bad. she said the teachers aide offered to take her with a flashlight, but her main teacher said no. i have never ever had a problem with this teacher, she also taught her older sister in 2nd grade and we have always loved her. and i totally understand this would have made more work for the custodians i could be the ah because she really hasn't had problems in awhile, and the teacher was not trying to be malicious. but to tell my daughter who could get health problems from holding it that she can't go just absolutely rubbed me the wrong way. so wibta if i brought it up to her and reminded her that she is medically allowed to go?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
background information, my daughter has had health issues in the past that cause her to have issues with holding it when she has to go potty (both #1 and #2). she hasn't had these issues in a couple years, but we are still very careful about letting her go when she needs to and not make her hold it very long. the issues started when she was in 4 year old pre-k, and she is now in 2nd grade. she has had a doctors note saying she is to be allowed to go whenever she needs to no questions asked. but the note is a couple years old, and i haven't felt the need to update it because there hasn't been a problem with letting her go when she needs. i don't know if the reason why she does my have problems anymore is because we are very careful about letting her go when she needs and making sure she doesn't eat food that causes her a problem or if it's because she outgrew it. today there was a power outage for the last couple hours of the school day. and after she got in the car she informed me that she was not allowed to go because of the power outage, the toilets have the automatic flushers, that obviously weren't working due to no power, plus no lights in the bathroom. she was legit in tears because she had to pee so bad. she said the teachers aide offered to take her with a flashlight, but her main teacher said no. i have never ever had a problem with this teacher, she also taught her older sister in 2nd grade and we have always loved her. and i totally understand this would have made more work for the custodians i could be the ah because she really hasn't had problems in awhile, and the teacher was not trying to be malicious. but to tell my daughter who could get health problems from holding it that she can't go just absolutely rubbed me the wrong way. so wibta if i brought it up to her and reminded her that she is medically allowed to go? [/INST] nta. kidneys don’t stop functioning when the power goes out. this wasn’t a valid excuse for refusing to let your daughter use the bathroom. absolutely advocate for your daughter. </s>
|
AITA for breaking into the bathroom?
|
i (28f) went to a small get-together on friday night. there was me, my childhood friend d (29m), his girlfriend h (28f), and his mom s (50sf). d is an alcoholic that has been known in the past to have health issues due to drinking.
d was acting a little off and at one point disappeared to the bathroom. about 30 minutes later, he is still in the only bathroom and the shower is on - it's been on for about 20 minutes at this point. both s and h were expressing concern for d. s had tried to open the door, but it was locked. h tried banging on the door, telling him to stop being an ass because other people have to pee.
at this point i'm concerned. he's wasted, he's not responding, he's been in the bathroom for over half an hour, he may or may not be underwater.
i decide to snag a butterknife and unlock the bathroom door and go in.
d is drunk naked on the bathroom floor. he turns and looks at me and says "wtf are you doing?"
i tell him we were all worried about him.
he screams at me to close the door and i do.
i tell his mom and gf that he's alive and go get myself a drink from the kitchen.
d then comes storming out of the bathroom with his clothes on and starts yelling at me for violating his space. he demands an apology. i tell him, "i'm sorry if you were embarrassed but i'm not sorry for what i did. i will do it again if need be to make sure my friends are safe."
he got pissed and kicked me out of the apartment. his gf and mom both think i should apologize. i think i need to find new friends.
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t4k7bw/aita_for_breaking_into_the_bathroom/
|
2022-03-01 22:27:07
|
nta
you think correctly.
|
i agree with you. you're too good to hang with an embarrassed drunk.
|
nta but remember your friend is an alcoholic and has problems and this will happen again and again. you can stop hanging out with him or just give distance but you have nothing to be sorry for.
|
nta
agree. you need new friends.
safety before pride.
i lost a friend for a very long time over a drunken night, where sober me made a safety call and didn't let a very drunk person go home or stay in possession of their keys (reason for that emotional instability would have had them driving totally s-faced or running nekkid down the streets in a sketchy part of town).
sad, but you did what was right.
|
nta. i’m assuming it was d’s residence?? d is ta and so is gf and mom. why didn’t girlfriend enter the bathroom when you unlocked it? that would have been more appropriate. d obviously has an alcohol issue and needs help. only he can make that decision. yes, you need new friends! don’t look back!
|
nta.
why was his mother not checking on him? i can see why he's an alcoholic.
you do need new friends.
|
listen, i understand he feels like you violated his privacy (opening a locked door) but let's be fair, his drinking is a problem to his well-being. for all you know he could have been hurt/unconsious/in a life threatening situation. him not responding to your calls raised your concern. i think your actions are justified and you are nta.
|
[deleted]
|
nta someone who is drunk and non responsive in a locked bathroom is lucky you were there to check they weren’t unconscious or worse.
not responding is on him so when you open the door and he’s naked; that’s also on him. he could have easily just said whatever.
as others have said; get different friends you can’t help such a person until they realise they are the problem and the asshole.
|
so nta. you're a good friend. find better ones.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (28f) went to a small get-together on friday night. there was me, my childhood friend d (29m), his girlfriend h (28f), and his mom s (50sf). d is an alcoholic that has been known in the past to have health issues due to drinking. d was acting a little off and at one point disappeared to the bathroom. about 30 minutes later, he is still in the only bathroom and the shower is on - it's been on for about 20 minutes at this point. both s and h were expressing concern for d. s had tried to open the door, but it was locked. h tried banging on the door, telling him to stop being an ass because other people have to pee. at this point i'm concerned. he's wasted, he's not responding, he's been in the bathroom for over half an hour, he may or may not be underwater. i decide to snag a butterknife and unlock the bathroom door and go in. d is drunk naked on the bathroom floor. he turns and looks at me and says "wtf are you doing?" i tell him we were all worried about him. he screams at me to close the door and i do. i tell his mom and gf that he's alive and go get myself a drink from the kitchen. d then comes storming out of the bathroom with his clothes on and starts yelling at me for violating his space. he demands an apology. i tell him, "i'm sorry if you were embarrassed but i'm not sorry for what i did. i will do it again if need be to make sure my friends are safe." he got pissed and kicked me out of the apartment. his gf and mom both think i should apologize. i think i need to find new friends.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (28f) went to a small get-together on friday night. there was me, my childhood friend d (29m), his girlfriend h (28f), and his mom s (50sf). d is an alcoholic that has been known in the past to have health issues due to drinking. d was acting a little off and at one point disappeared to the bathroom. about 30 minutes later, he is still in the only bathroom and the shower is on - it's been on for about 20 minutes at this point. both s and h were expressing concern for d. s had tried to open the door, but it was locked. h tried banging on the door, telling him to stop being an ass because other people have to pee. at this point i'm concerned. he's wasted, he's not responding, he's been in the bathroom for over half an hour, he may or may not be underwater. i decide to snag a butterknife and unlock the bathroom door and go in. d is drunk naked on the bathroom floor. he turns and looks at me and says "wtf are you doing?" i tell him we were all worried about him. he screams at me to close the door and i do. i tell his mom and gf that he's alive and go get myself a drink from the kitchen. d then comes storming out of the bathroom with his clothes on and starts yelling at me for violating his space. he demands an apology. i tell him, "i'm sorry if you were embarrassed but i'm not sorry for what i did. i will do it again if need be to make sure my friends are safe." he got pissed and kicked me out of the apartment. his gf and mom both think i should apologize. i think i need to find new friends. [/INST] nta you think correctly. </s>
|
AITA for telling my friend who’s visiting from out of town to go stay somewhere else?
|
so my friend (close friend of 3 years) came to visit me for a long weekend. he’s been talking to this couple on an app, and wanted to meet up with them while he was here. i knew they were talking, he’d mentioned that they wanted to come over for a bonfire and dinner. i thought that sounded like fun. he also mentioned that he made dinner plans at a restaurant with them, which was fine. it was understood that he would be hanging out with them some of the time.
well, as soon as he got here, he started only coming back to my house to eat and sleep. i took time off work so we could do stuff together, and all he wants to do is hang out with this couple. saturday night, i confronted him and said i felt like i was being taken advantage of a little bit, and i thought he was being rude. his response was, “i don’t want you to feel that way” and he explained that he’d already planned to go do drugs and party with them that night, then said, “how am i supposed to get there...?”
i didn’t want to go, because it’s not my thing anyway and i’m a year clean from addiction (which he is well aware of). he ended up taking an uber. before he left, he said he’d be back around 4am. my bf worked early the next morning so i told him if he was going out to get all high and coming back really late then don’t bother coming back, and since he clearly wanted to come into town just to see them, then he could take his stuff and go stay with them. i don’t feel comfortable hosting someone who brings the whole drug world to my doorstep, but we have been really close in the past.
he came back today to get his stuff, and i’m still kind of mad, but also feel a little guilty kicking him out to go stay with people he barely knows. to be fair, he did let me stay with him for a couple weeks back when i was homeless and strung out.
did i react too strongly? aita?
thanks for reading!
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ag26u5/aita_for_telling_my_friend_whos_visiting_from_out/
|
2019-01-14 23:58:34
|
nta. he is using you as a glorified airbnb. he could've been nice and at least spend some time with you. instead he is acting like a r/choosingbeggars
totally understandable that you kicked him out, would've done the same.
good job on staying clean btw
|
nta. he asked to stay with you under the understanding that you guys would be hanging out right? that's not fair he basically ditched you the entire time.
although, he's helped you in the past, if he's otherwise a good friend despite this weird visit, i think i'd get in touch with him and say "i'm sorry for how brash i was, it's just we've been good friends and i was really looking forward to hanging out with you, but you've been taking off with that couple and i took time off work thinking your visit was to hang out. i am disappointed and handled that a bit aggressively because i'm hurt and feel used. i just wish you told me you'd be spending most of your time with them, so we could had planned things with that in mind".
if he was planning to spend his time there with them, he really should be in hotel or at their place. with your past, it's not a good idea to be involved with people doing drugs if he is.
|
nta. he used you for free food and a place to sleep while he visits other people. on top of this, he clearly wanted to get you back into drugs which seems to be the main reason you two used to be friends. i'm sorry you lost a friend, but you're much better off without him.
|
nta. the drug stuff is really worrisome, he knows you've been clean a year and here he is bringing drugs to your doorstep. that alone is reason to ask him to leave, even without all the other stuff. i know he helped you, but that doesn't mean you have to allow him to harm you, and he is with the drug stuff. maybe you feel like you said it in anger, and next time this sort of thing comes up, you can practice your skills of setting boundaries calmly, but you were right to set the boundary. kudos to you for, above all, protecting your sobriety.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my friend (close friend of 3 years) came to visit me for a long weekend. he’s been talking to this couple on an app, and wanted to meet up with them while he was here. i knew they were talking, he’d mentioned that they wanted to come over for a bonfire and dinner. i thought that sounded like fun. he also mentioned that he made dinner plans at a restaurant with them, which was fine. it was understood that he would be hanging out with them some of the time. well, as soon as he got here, he started only coming back to my house to eat and sleep. i took time off work so we could do stuff together, and all he wants to do is hang out with this couple. saturday night, i confronted him and said i felt like i was being taken advantage of a little bit, and i thought he was being rude. his response was, “i don’t want you to feel that way” and he explained that he’d already planned to go do drugs and party with them that night, then said, “how am i supposed to get there...?” i didn’t want to go, because it’s not my thing anyway and i’m a year clean from addiction (which he is well aware of). he ended up taking an uber. before he left, he said he’d be back around 4am. my bf worked early the next morning so i told him if he was going out to get all high and coming back really late then don’t bother coming back, and since he clearly wanted to come into town just to see them, then he could take his stuff and go stay with them. i don’t feel comfortable hosting someone who brings the whole drug world to my doorstep, but we have been really close in the past. he came back today to get his stuff, and i’m still kind of mad, but also feel a little guilty kicking him out to go stay with people he barely knows. to be fair, he did let me stay with him for a couple weeks back when i was homeless and strung out. did i react too strongly? aita? thanks for reading!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my friend (close friend of 3 years) came to visit me for a long weekend. he’s been talking to this couple on an app, and wanted to meet up with them while he was here. i knew they were talking, he’d mentioned that they wanted to come over for a bonfire and dinner. i thought that sounded like fun. he also mentioned that he made dinner plans at a restaurant with them, which was fine. it was understood that he would be hanging out with them some of the time. well, as soon as he got here, he started only coming back to my house to eat and sleep. i took time off work so we could do stuff together, and all he wants to do is hang out with this couple. saturday night, i confronted him and said i felt like i was being taken advantage of a little bit, and i thought he was being rude. his response was, “i don’t want you to feel that way” and he explained that he’d already planned to go do drugs and party with them that night, then said, “how am i supposed to get there...?” i didn’t want to go, because it’s not my thing anyway and i’m a year clean from addiction (which he is well aware of). he ended up taking an uber. before he left, he said he’d be back around 4am. my bf worked early the next morning so i told him if he was going out to get all high and coming back really late then don’t bother coming back, and since he clearly wanted to come into town just to see them, then he could take his stuff and go stay with them. i don’t feel comfortable hosting someone who brings the whole drug world to my doorstep, but we have been really close in the past. he came back today to get his stuff, and i’m still kind of mad, but also feel a little guilty kicking him out to go stay with people he barely knows. to be fair, he did let me stay with him for a couple weeks back when i was homeless and strung out. did i react too strongly? aita? thanks for reading! [/INST] nta. he is using you as a glorified airbnb. he could've been nice and at least spend some time with you. instead he is acting like a r/choosingbeggars totally understandable that you kicked him out, would've done the same. good job on staying clean btw </s>
|
AITA for trying to get my girlfriend less reliant on weed?
|
ok ok, first thing first i have nothing against marijuana at all. i think its very beneficial for people who use it to control anxiety and calm them down, zero judgment there.
but my girlfriend is seriously reliant on the stuff. like, if she ever gets a stomachache, she almost always goes for weed over any other remedy. and now if she doesnt get a smoke in often, her stomach hurts so bad she barley moves. she also smokes before most meals, and has told me in the past that her thoughts are always drifting towards her next hit, even when we're having a great time, or staying with my family.
i think that if she could get this under control it could be more healthy, but some people tell me i'm an asshole for even thinking about interfering with her smoking. and she occasionally guilt trips me when i suggest we help her control it.
aita for wanting to help her reel back her weed usage?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gsv2w8/aita_for_trying_to_get_my_girlfriend_less_reliant/
|
2020-05-29 15:30:57
|
nta, this pattern does not sound healthy at all.
i'm really not sure what these other folks calling you the a-hole are thinking. weed is like pretty much anything else: just fine in moderation, but represents significant harm if you overdo it, and not just for health reasons (although that's certainly in the picture here, i imagine). too much of anything will interfere with the way you live your life, and the fact is, you're her boyfriend, and thus you're part of that life. it isn't just her life she's impacting with the constant weed dependency. it's yours.
|
nta
sounds like she’s addicted. too much of anything is bad, and smoking anything comes with health risks. your concern is perfectly valid.
|
nta i used to smoke weed like a crack junkie. couldn’t eat or do anything without it. i don’t know if it’s inherently addictive but for me (an addict) anything can become addictive and weed was my number 1 drug of choice. i also have nothing against weed or people who smoke it. i just cannot smoke it without turning into a junkie over it so i have to abstain completely. that’s just my experience. i also know that no one else could have gotten me to that conclusion. i had to realize on my own that it was a problem. anyone who criticized my use or tried to get in the way was going to be collateral damage. the only thing you can do is accept that you have zero control over her behavior and it truly sucks but it’s the truth.
|
cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome (chs) is a real condition where heavy marijuana users experience intense abdominal pain, severe nausea and vomiting. the only way to satiate it to take a hot shower or, of course, smoke weed. my mother is a nurse in colorado and she says she sees at least 1 teen come in with it every couple weeks. bring up her usage and talk to her about how you are concerned for her health. maybe she can agree to cut back a little at a time but essentially she is going through with drawl to weed (even though no real study has proven that weed isn't as addictive as some people claim)
|
nta i use marijuana daily for pain, but i also stop periodically to make sure i can. also, it can cause nausea and stomach pain in some people. her cure may be aggravating her situation
|
nta. she’s not being healthy. i also go to weed before anything else for stomachaches bc it works best for me, but before every meal and jonesing for the next hit? it’s weed, not crack, it shouldn’t be having this affect on her, and the people who are telling you to back off are probably people who don’t believe you can get addicted to weed. your girlfriend needs to sort her shit out, and it’s nice that you’ve tried to help her.
|
nta since you're trying to help her but you can only go as far in helping as she will let you because in the end it is her problem she has to deal with.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok ok, first thing first i have nothing against marijuana at all. i think its very beneficial for people who use it to control anxiety and calm them down, zero judgment there. but my girlfriend is seriously reliant on the stuff. like, if she ever gets a stomachache, she almost always goes for weed over any other remedy. and now if she doesnt get a smoke in often, her stomach hurts so bad she barley moves. she also smokes before most meals, and has told me in the past that her thoughts are always drifting towards her next hit, even when we're having a great time, or staying with my family. i think that if she could get this under control it could be more healthy, but some people tell me i'm an asshole for even thinking about interfering with her smoking. and she occasionally guilt trips me when i suggest we help her control it. aita for wanting to help her reel back her weed usage?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ok ok, first thing first i have nothing against marijuana at all. i think its very beneficial for people who use it to control anxiety and calm them down, zero judgment there. but my girlfriend is seriously reliant on the stuff. like, if she ever gets a stomachache, she almost always goes for weed over any other remedy. and now if she doesnt get a smoke in often, her stomach hurts so bad she barley moves. she also smokes before most meals, and has told me in the past that her thoughts are always drifting towards her next hit, even when we're having a great time, or staying with my family. i think that if she could get this under control it could be more healthy, but some people tell me i'm an asshole for even thinking about interfering with her smoking. and she occasionally guilt trips me when i suggest we help her control it. aita for wanting to help her reel back her weed usage? [/INST] nta, this pattern does not sound healthy at all. i'm really not sure what these other folks calling you the a-hole are thinking. weed is like pretty much anything else: just fine in moderation, but represents significant harm if you overdo it, and not just for health reasons (although that's certainly in the picture here, i imagine). too much of anything will interfere with the way you live your life, and the fact is, you're her boyfriend, and thus you're part of that life. it isn't just her life she's impacting with the constant weed dependency. it's yours. </s>
|
Aita for not letting him drive my car to work?
|
my child’s father and i have been off and one for 3 years and we have an 18month old son together. we currently are together but it’s been rough. he has never been a financially responsible person, in fact, i haven’t gotten any money from him this entire year to help with our child’s expenses. that being said, he’s been driving around his car with expired tags and no insurance for 5 months now. he finally got pulled over the other day. since then, i’ve been either driving him to work or letting him take my car. i was in the car, while i let him drive and our son was in the back seat. he was driving recklessly by changing his shirt, playing with his phone, and driving to close to people while cursing. there was a car in front of us slowing down and he wasn’t paying attention so i said, “can you slow down please?” i said it in a completely calm manner and polite manner. he took great offense to this. and told me “i’m going to drive how ever i want.” i explained that he can drive how ever he wants in his car, but when he is using my car and our child is with us that i would like him to be more cautious. he then said, “no one can tell me how to drive, i don’t care who’s car it is”. i felt disrespected and that he doesn’t care for my belongings. so i told him, that he can find his own way to work since he doesn’t have any respect for my belongings. aita?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/imbzuw/aita_for_not_letting_him_drive_my_car_to_work/
|
2020-09-04 08:02:29
|
nta. do you realize the reason he is with you is that he can leech transport, food, and get out of child support this way?
|
nta. grab your baby and car and kick that mad man to the street. yikes
|
nta; your car, your rules. more importantly, your child's life was at risk by his reckless driving
|
nta
nothing annoys me more than knowing that there are people like him at the wheel on roads that can ultimately put other people's lives at risk.
>no one can tell me how to drive, i don’t care who’s car it is
where does he get this sense of entitlement from?
do not lend him your car ever again. he put you at risk. he put your child at risk. he put other people driving on the road at risk. he doesn't care about you and he sounds like an obnoxious entitled leech.
|
wtf! why are you with this guy?
|
why do men like these breed?
|
nta, please protect your son and yourself.
|
nta. i wouldn’t let him drive my car either because he’s a dangerous driver and i’d hate to receive fines for his bad choices (there is paperwork to transfer the demerits etc but it’s a pain to fill in).
but more than the fines, you and your child deserve to feel safe!
are you sure this relationship shouldn’t be switched “off” again?
|
nta. and with that attitude, i'd try to keep him from having access to your child at all. he is a danger to everyone.
|
nta
why are you with this man who clearly has no regard for the safety of his own child, and snaps at you unprovoked?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my child’s father and i have been off and one for 3 years and we have an 18month old son together. we currently are together but it’s been rough. he has never been a financially responsible person, in fact, i haven’t gotten any money from him this entire year to help with our child’s expenses. that being said, he’s been driving around his car with expired tags and no insurance for 5 months now. he finally got pulled over the other day. since then, i’ve been either driving him to work or letting him take my car. i was in the car, while i let him drive and our son was in the back seat. he was driving recklessly by changing his shirt, playing with his phone, and driving to close to people while cursing. there was a car in front of us slowing down and he wasn’t paying attention so i said, “can you slow down please?” i said it in a completely calm manner and polite manner. he took great offense to this. and told me “i’m going to drive how ever i want.” i explained that he can drive how ever he wants in his car, but when he is using my car and our child is with us that i would like him to be more cautious. he then said, “no one can tell me how to drive, i don’t care who’s car it is”. i felt disrespected and that he doesn’t care for my belongings. so i told him, that he can find his own way to work since he doesn’t have any respect for my belongings. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my child’s father and i have been off and one for 3 years and we have an 18month old son together. we currently are together but it’s been rough. he has never been a financially responsible person, in fact, i haven’t gotten any money from him this entire year to help with our child’s expenses. that being said, he’s been driving around his car with expired tags and no insurance for 5 months now. he finally got pulled over the other day. since then, i’ve been either driving him to work or letting him take my car. i was in the car, while i let him drive and our son was in the back seat. he was driving recklessly by changing his shirt, playing with his phone, and driving to close to people while cursing. there was a car in front of us slowing down and he wasn’t paying attention so i said, “can you slow down please?” i said it in a completely calm manner and polite manner. he took great offense to this. and told me “i’m going to drive how ever i want.” i explained that he can drive how ever he wants in his car, but when he is using my car and our child is with us that i would like him to be more cautious. he then said, “no one can tell me how to drive, i don’t care who’s car it is”. i felt disrespected and that he doesn’t care for my belongings. so i told him, that he can find his own way to work since he doesn’t have any respect for my belongings. aita? [/INST] nta. do you realize the reason he is with you is that he can leech transport, food, and get out of child support this way? </s>
|
AITA for asking my fiance to change his name when he meets my great aunt, asking for my hand in marriage?
|
i live in a western country with my boyfriend and we have recently decided to get married. we told his family, they were happy, mine wasn't too excited. we are an intercultural couple. my parents wanted me to get married within our culture so they have been very hard to convince. my cousins are golden peeps, hey have helped a lot and my parents are finally on board.
but in my culture you don't just need the parents blessing to get married but the blessing of any senior member of your family. no one's very happy with the union but since my parents have been convinced everyone is ok or at least pretending to be ok with it. except the eldest member of my family,my grand aunt. she is my shoulder than my parents are my parents could convince her by themselves. she knows about my relationship, has never liked it so i am very tensed about seeking her blessing.
now the problem here is my boyfriends full name is actually an old tribal slur for "foreign farmers" in my native language. thus the slurs jot even a light hearted one. but its not in use almost at all in present time. everyone in my family has been quite mature about it,my cousins keep joking about its just joke. but i know my great cat and she will make anything an issue. she's already not on our side. i don't want this petty thing to destroy our already bleak chances.
so i asked him not to introduce himself with his full name but the shorter form( for example not joseph but jo). we have a big fight about it and he call me and asshole.
now i think he is right, he should not have to hide even one tiny aspect about himself least if all his name for approval from my family on marrying me. its about his identity after all.
but in my defence its one meeting. she is too old to travel to our christian wedding and my culture's weddings, mothers, aunts and married sisters do not go to the actual wedding ceremony (they stay home to welcome the pair after they get home the first time after marriage) this means that he will have to do this only for a 5 minute chat and it's not a complete name change, just a version change.
so aita?
edit i can do it without her permission at all but if her great grand daughter gets married wouldn't she just get to know when we prep for the wedding? the name, i don't care if she gets to know after she says yes.
edit not getting the blessings would mean a bunch of my family will back track coz how much we are afraid of her. she is the eldest member rn. and honestly i am also shit scared if her.
btw, this is not a very serious thing. my bf did call me an ah and i thought he is not even thinking about ny offer. but its become more of a petty fight rn. we both see each other's point so we are just gonna go with the 3rd part opinion(reddit). yta the opinion seems. but gonna wait 24 hours before deciding.
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mjafti/aita_for_asking_my_fiance_to_change_his_name_when/
|
2021-04-03 15:14:54
|
yta. 5 mins or not, she’ll find out later and it’ll blow up. might as well love your husband and his name, because you’re marrying him either way, and just rip the band aid off. at the end of the day, your parents already extended their approval.
look at it this way: if these cultural standards really mean that much to you, you wouldn’t even be marrying this person.
|
yta.
you are literally asking your fiancé, the person you are supposed to love more than anyone else, and the person you have agreed to spend the rest of your life with, to do something as big as *change his name* just for one person in your family.
not only that, surely his name will be mentioned to her more than once? even if he did say the shorter version of his name, wouldn't another family member say the whole thing when mentioning him to your great-aunt?
you're supposed to love him more than anything. making him hide any part of himself at all is just entirely wrong. yta for sure.
|
yta. multiple issues here.
please don’t have your fiancé lie to your family member. that’s not the way to start a marriage.
if this tradition isn’t important to you then get married without a worry for the blessing.
if it is important to you then i don’t know how you can be okay with receiving the blessing through deception. doesn’t that go against the whole point?
not revealing his full name until after the blessing also increases the issues with his name. by withholding his you are validating any concerns your family my have about the racial connotations associated with this word. if you act shamefully then people will assume you are ashamed.
please just be honest and genuine and work from there.
|
yta.
he doesn't need to hide from your family, and he doesn't need to change his name just for one person in your family. changing your name is a really big deal, and forcing him to do it like this is unfair.
|
yta
his name is very clearly important to him and as someone marrying him his wants and needs should come first. especially above someone who is being racist towards him.
you need to stand up for him more not ask him to compromise who he is to keep the peace.
|
yta. your asking a man you claim to love to fake who he is, even just changing his name for the sake of 5 minutes, all because your religion and family are against your marriage. it's unfair to bring him into a family where he has to be somebody he is not, and hide even a portion of himself. you two are in love. that's a beautiful thing. please don't allow one person to ruin this beautiful time in your life. you should be overjoyed to be marrying the man you love, not stressing and worrying over the blessing of somebody who is not even a variable in your marriage.
|
unfortunately, yta here - cultural pressures are very real and sometimes very complicated to navigate. at the same time, you absolutely have a responsibility to prioritize your spouse over your aunt, if you really want to spend your life with them. if the elder members of your family don't want to see you marry the person who makes you happiest, you may want to reassess the role you've given them in your life. if they aren't thrilled to see you happy, why do you need to make them happy?
do you really want to please your aunt at the cost of disrespecting your spouse? your life is yours, and as an adult you simply cannot twist & bend yourself to appease other adults - this is just creating a shaky foundation for your whole marriage.
|
yta
in a marriage, your spouse comes first. they are your family and your number one priority. if you're already putting some random aunt above your fiance, you are setting a terrible precedent for your marriage.
|
yta. if elders carry so much weight then think about the trouble you might get into by lying, the omission of the truth is a lie.
|
i'm going to go against the grain and say nah. i think a lot of the people telling you you should be standing up for your fiance against all else don't understand how hard that can be in different cultures or just how important family approval/traditions can be.
i do not think your fiance should have to go by a different name. though i personally have no care whether someone calls me a shortened version of my name or the whole thing.
that being said i can empathize with how incredibly hard and stressful this sounds like it's been on you. it sounds like you have been fighting for your marriage and your fiance fiercely already. i imagine it's exhausting. especially if you feel like.you may loose your family which are obviously super.important to you.
your great aunt is very old and it sounds like very traditional. the name also sounds like a racial slur so i imagine it's not going to be easy to explain.
the only advice i can offer is build your relationship up and arm yourself with your cousin and fiance's support and love. it sounds like you all have a hard road and i wish you the best.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live in a western country with my boyfriend and we have recently decided to get married. we told his family, they were happy, mine wasn't too excited. we are an intercultural couple. my parents wanted me to get married within our culture so they have been very hard to convince. my cousins are golden peeps, hey have helped a lot and my parents are finally on board. but in my culture you don't just need the parents blessing to get married but the blessing of any senior member of your family. no one's very happy with the union but since my parents have been convinced everyone is ok or at least pretending to be ok with it. except the eldest member of my family,my grand aunt. she is my shoulder than my parents are my parents could convince her by themselves. she knows about my relationship, has never liked it so i am very tensed about seeking her blessing. now the problem here is my boyfriends full name is actually an old tribal slur for "foreign farmers" in my native language. thus the slurs jot even a light hearted one. but its not in use almost at all in present time. everyone in my family has been quite mature about it,my cousins keep joking about its just joke. but i know my great cat and she will make anything an issue. she's already not on our side. i don't want this petty thing to destroy our already bleak chances. so i asked him not to introduce himself with his full name but the shorter form( for example not joseph but jo). we have a big fight about it and he call me and asshole. now i think he is right, he should not have to hide even one tiny aspect about himself least if all his name for approval from my family on marrying me. its about his identity after all. but in my defence its one meeting. she is too old to travel to our christian wedding and my culture's weddings, mothers, aunts and married sisters do not go to the actual wedding ceremony (they stay home to welcome the pair after they get home the first time after marriage) this means that he will have to do this only for a 5 minute chat and it's not a complete name change, just a version change. so aita? edit i can do it without her permission at all but if her great grand daughter gets married wouldn't she just get to know when we prep for the wedding? the name, i don't care if she gets to know after she says yes. edit not getting the blessings would mean a bunch of my family will back track coz how much we are afraid of her. she is the eldest member rn. and honestly i am also shit scared if her. btw, this is not a very serious thing. my bf did call me an ah and i thought he is not even thinking about ny offer. but its become more of a petty fight rn. we both see each other's point so we are just gonna go with the 3rd part opinion(reddit). yta the opinion seems. but gonna wait 24 hours before deciding.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i live in a western country with my boyfriend and we have recently decided to get married. we told his family, they were happy, mine wasn't too excited. we are an intercultural couple. my parents wanted me to get married within our culture so they have been very hard to convince. my cousins are golden peeps, hey have helped a lot and my parents are finally on board. but in my culture you don't just need the parents blessing to get married but the blessing of any senior member of your family. no one's very happy with the union but since my parents have been convinced everyone is ok or at least pretending to be ok with it. except the eldest member of my family,my grand aunt. she is my shoulder than my parents are my parents could convince her by themselves. she knows about my relationship, has never liked it so i am very tensed about seeking her blessing. now the problem here is my boyfriends full name is actually an old tribal slur for "foreign farmers" in my native language. thus the slurs jot even a light hearted one. but its not in use almost at all in present time. everyone in my family has been quite mature about it,my cousins keep joking about its just joke. but i know my great cat and she will make anything an issue. she's already not on our side. i don't want this petty thing to destroy our already bleak chances. so i asked him not to introduce himself with his full name but the shorter form( for example not joseph but jo). we have a big fight about it and he call me and asshole. now i think he is right, he should not have to hide even one tiny aspect about himself least if all his name for approval from my family on marrying me. its about his identity after all. but in my defence its one meeting. she is too old to travel to our christian wedding and my culture's weddings, mothers, aunts and married sisters do not go to the actual wedding ceremony (they stay home to welcome the pair after they get home the first time after marriage) this means that he will have to do this only for a 5 minute chat and it's not a complete name change, just a version change. so aita? edit i can do it without her permission at all but if her great grand daughter gets married wouldn't she just get to know when we prep for the wedding? the name, i don't care if she gets to know after she says yes. edit not getting the blessings would mean a bunch of my family will back track coz how much we are afraid of her. she is the eldest member rn. and honestly i am also shit scared if her. btw, this is not a very serious thing. my bf did call me an ah and i thought he is not even thinking about ny offer. but its become more of a petty fight rn. we both see each other's point so we are just gonna go with the 3rd part opinion(reddit). yta the opinion seems. but gonna wait 24 hours before deciding. [/INST] yta. 5 mins or not, she’ll find out later and it’ll blow up. might as well love your husband and his name, because you’re marrying him either way, and just rip the band aid off. at the end of the day, your parents already extended their approval. look at it this way: if these cultural standards really mean that much to you, you wouldn’t even be marrying this person. </s>
|
AITAH over a dress ?
|
am i the ass hole ? my child hood best friend of 21 years wants to borrow my wedding dress as her something borrowed. she keeps telling everyone i am the ass because i said no , i said no because i haven't even gotten to wear it yet because i couldn't have a big family gathering so i had a small court house thing with 2 witnesses and am saveing it for my vow renewal . i offered to give her the dress i wore to the court house because i would like to be the first one to wear my other dress. now all of my friends and her friends and family have been calling me saying i'm the ass hole for saying no.
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tnbbnq/aitah_over_a_dress/
|
2022-03-25 01:54:30
|
nta
wtf. this is your dress. you can choose what to do with it, especially as you haven't even worn it yourself. they are totally entitled freeloading assholes than don't deserve a place in your life.
|
nta
a something borrowed usually is not a dress (unless it’s from her mother or family member or something), it’s usually like a jewelry piece or shoes or something minuscule. it’s crazy that she feels entitled to your wedding dress. if you’re uncomfortable giving her your dress then as a friend she shouldn’t be harassing you about it and talking about you to other people. it sounds like she just wants a free wedding dress in my opinion.
do not let her have it.
the fact that she’s talking down on you to other people over something that belongs to you is throwing up major red flags. a friend wouldn’t act like this
|
nta - your friend is awful and not a good friend. keep saying no, and nothing else. you don't owe anyone an explanation.
|
nta. it's your wedding dress, it's special and completely your decision. you haven't even worn it yet! you're friend is acting entitled and it sounds like she just wants to save a few bucks. doesn't sound like a great friend.
|
nta. i don't care if it was your prom dress from 1992. no means no.
|
nta wtf is with entitled assholes omg. no you didn't nothing wrong. tell her to get her own dress.
|
nta. your “friend” is a raging one though. it’s posts like these that make me think the other person isn’t being truthful with the people harassing the op. who would seriously think this is ok to demand? unless her whole family are ah’s
|
nta. 100%. omg, such nerve. how dare she expect you to lend your wedding dress when you haven't even worn it yet?! suppose it rips or gets stained? and even if you had already worn it, she is not entitled to your dress.
|
nta. even if you had already worn the dress, it's your *wedding dress.* that generally isn't something that you pass around between friends and family. it was fine for her to ask (once), but her repeatedly asking, name-calling, and pulling extra people into this situation makes her the asshole.
|
nta. you have a very good reason as to why you don't want her to wear it and offered an alternative. she can accept that or not. she sounds childish and vindictive by telling everyone you're an asshole for not meeting her demands. sometimes childhood friends aren't really friends at all, just someone you've known for a long time. might be time to cut her loose.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: am i the ass hole ? my child hood best friend of 21 years wants to borrow my wedding dress as her something borrowed. she keeps telling everyone i am the ass because i said no , i said no because i haven't even gotten to wear it yet because i couldn't have a big family gathering so i had a small court house thing with 2 witnesses and am saveing it for my vow renewal . i offered to give her the dress i wore to the court house because i would like to be the first one to wear my other dress. now all of my friends and her friends and family have been calling me saying i'm the ass hole for saying no.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
am i the ass hole ? my child hood best friend of 21 years wants to borrow my wedding dress as her something borrowed. she keeps telling everyone i am the ass because i said no , i said no because i haven't even gotten to wear it yet because i couldn't have a big family gathering so i had a small court house thing with 2 witnesses and am saveing it for my vow renewal . i offered to give her the dress i wore to the court house because i would like to be the first one to wear my other dress. now all of my friends and her friends and family have been calling me saying i'm the ass hole for saying no. [/INST] nta wtf. this is your dress. you can choose what to do with it, especially as you haven't even worn it yourself. they are totally entitled freeloading assholes than don't deserve a place in your life. </s>
|
AITA for not tipping Uber Eats driver?
|
ordered late night food with my girlfriend, both 21f. we accidentally ordered it to her house not mine, quickly realised our mistake but couldn’t find a way of cancelling our order and the app said to contact the driver about address changes which we couldn’t do until he’d picked up the food. as soon as we could, we messaged explaining and gave the new address, thinking he could decide to cancel if it was too far to drive. the app made it so hard to amend our order, cancel it or contact the driver any better. didn’t want to call him as he could get in legal trouble if caught driving on the phone. he read our message but didn’t respond at all. we saw his car coming and assumed he was delivering to my house with no issue.
he comes to the door and i greet/thank him, then he says how the address was different so i tried to apologise and explain but i never got to. he interrupted and said he only did the delivery out of the kindness of his soul and usually after 7 minutes with no collection would trash the food and move on. he said that uber doesn’t pay him the extra fuel for driving to my house instead of my gf’s. he paid it out of his own pocket and kept saying how he didn’t have to. i got no words in as he was giving me this long lecture about the order. he asked that i tip even as little as £2 because it helps him out and i saw where he was coming from so agreed to tip something, apologised again and he finally let me have my food and go. the order was on my gf’s account as she’d paid so i was prepared to send her money to cover a reasonable tip.
when i got the food inside i expressed my exhaustion at the lecture. he was talking for way longer than needed for me to get the point and wouldn’t let me defend myself, but i know customer jobs can be hell and he seemed nice enough and genuine. i can’t say how he would have been if it were not late at night meaning he had to keep his voice down. anyway, my gf thought he was completely unprofessional, wanted to not tip and leave a bad review. i tried to defend him saying to give a tip like he asked and she’d agree if she’d been there. we compromised and she didn’t leave him negative feedback but didn’t tip or leave positive feedback either. i would have felt terrible in case he lost his job. i still feel bad, but my gf thinks otherwise and i really had to convince her to just leave the review alone. she said it’s not our fault uber won’t pay him, that’s the company’s problem not ours, he could have cancelled etc. i agree that uber sucks here, but should we have tipped because he did a nice thing delivering it anyway or was he really unprofessional?
tldr: unable to amend food delivery address and could’t contact driver properly or cancel. he paid the extra fuel out of pocket due to uber’s policies, asked for a small tip during long lecture about the situation where i couldn’t get a word in edgeways. told gf and she refused to tip. should we have?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fjtuaq/aita_for_not_tipping_uber_eats_driver/
|
2020-03-16 22:31:05
|
yta 100%. tip him as much as you can reasonably afford, and have cash on-hand nexttime to just shove into their hand so they feel better right away.
if you need reasoning, he drove for you, despite your screwup. his speech may not have been helpful, but it was not much of a price to pay. in return, you should tip him for this above-and-beyond service.
|
yta.
at least in america, it’s always customary to tip on a delivery order. i know tipping procedures are different in europe so i won’t speak to that. however, you did make a mistake that you couldn’t easily rectify. he went out of his way to help you. even if he was annoying and exhausting in conversation, he deserved a tip and you could’ve thrown him a few dollars for delivering your order anyway.
|
yta- you made the mistake. if he trashed the food, you still would have been on the hook for paying. sure, he could’ve been nicer, but he’s covering for your mistake. pay the guy. i’ve done this once before when i ordered from a hotel. i gave the guy $20, although i think $10 would have been fair.
|
yta. dude, it’s his job. he didn’t have to come to you, but he did. it was an innocent mistake about the address, but he probably deals with jerk costumers all day. you call it a lecture, but he didn’t even sound rude. you really didn’t even tip? that’s so shitty. he paid out fo pocket for you. you should feel bad. especially if you left a bad review— he delivered your food when he didn’t have to, are you really gonna give him a bad rating for that?
|
yta and your girlfriend sounds spiteful and entitled.
|
yta and so is your girlfriend.
|
yta you made a mistake not him and he went through the effort of getting it to you regardless. he paid gas out of his own pocket for you and you don't care.
|
yeah yta. he could probably have been a little less preachy about the whole thing but it doesn't change the fact that you guys made a mistake, he went out of his way to help, got naturally irritated at the situation, and then you stiffed him on a decent tip just because he got naturally irritated.
|
yta- there’s an easy way to cancel the order, there’s a button in the screen where it says it’s preparing the order, it says cancel on the screen so you literally could have canceled the order
|
yta, more specifically your girlfriend is, but you too, because you let her be one. he really needed that money, otherwise he wouldn’t have said anything, i’m guessing. as you said, he seemed genuine and was nice, and you chose to not tip/ and not even leave a positive review? for the guy who went out of his way and paid out of pocket for gas to drive your food to you?
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ordered late night food with my girlfriend, both 21f. we accidentally ordered it to her house not mine, quickly realised our mistake but couldn’t find a way of cancelling our order and the app said to contact the driver about address changes which we couldn’t do until he’d picked up the food. as soon as we could, we messaged explaining and gave the new address, thinking he could decide to cancel if it was too far to drive. the app made it so hard to amend our order, cancel it or contact the driver any better. didn’t want to call him as he could get in legal trouble if caught driving on the phone. he read our message but didn’t respond at all. we saw his car coming and assumed he was delivering to my house with no issue. he comes to the door and i greet/thank him, then he says how the address was different so i tried to apologise and explain but i never got to. he interrupted and said he only did the delivery out of the kindness of his soul and usually after 7 minutes with no collection would trash the food and move on. he said that uber doesn’t pay him the extra fuel for driving to my house instead of my gf’s. he paid it out of his own pocket and kept saying how he didn’t have to. i got no words in as he was giving me this long lecture about the order. he asked that i tip even as little as £2 because it helps him out and i saw where he was coming from so agreed to tip something, apologised again and he finally let me have my food and go. the order was on my gf’s account as she’d paid so i was prepared to send her money to cover a reasonable tip. when i got the food inside i expressed my exhaustion at the lecture. he was talking for way longer than needed for me to get the point and wouldn’t let me defend myself, but i know customer jobs can be hell and he seemed nice enough and genuine. i can’t say how he would have been if it were not late at night meaning he had to keep his voice down. anyway, my gf thought he was completely unprofessional, wanted to not tip and leave a bad review. i tried to defend him saying to give a tip like he asked and she’d agree if she’d been there. we compromised and she didn’t leave him negative feedback but didn’t tip or leave positive feedback either. i would have felt terrible in case he lost his job. i still feel bad, but my gf thinks otherwise and i really had to convince her to just leave the review alone. she said it’s not our fault uber won’t pay him, that’s the company’s problem not ours, he could have cancelled etc. i agree that uber sucks here, but should we have tipped because he did a nice thing delivering it anyway or was he really unprofessional? tldr: unable to amend food delivery address and could’t contact driver properly or cancel. he paid the extra fuel out of pocket due to uber’s policies, asked for a small tip during long lecture about the situation where i couldn’t get a word in edgeways. told gf and she refused to tip. should we have?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ordered late night food with my girlfriend, both 21f. we accidentally ordered it to her house not mine, quickly realised our mistake but couldn’t find a way of cancelling our order and the app said to contact the driver about address changes which we couldn’t do until he’d picked up the food. as soon as we could, we messaged explaining and gave the new address, thinking he could decide to cancel if it was too far to drive. the app made it so hard to amend our order, cancel it or contact the driver any better. didn’t want to call him as he could get in legal trouble if caught driving on the phone. he read our message but didn’t respond at all. we saw his car coming and assumed he was delivering to my house with no issue. he comes to the door and i greet/thank him, then he says how the address was different so i tried to apologise and explain but i never got to. he interrupted and said he only did the delivery out of the kindness of his soul and usually after 7 minutes with no collection would trash the food and move on. he said that uber doesn’t pay him the extra fuel for driving to my house instead of my gf’s. he paid it out of his own pocket and kept saying how he didn’t have to. i got no words in as he was giving me this long lecture about the order. he asked that i tip even as little as £2 because it helps him out and i saw where he was coming from so agreed to tip something, apologised again and he finally let me have my food and go. the order was on my gf’s account as she’d paid so i was prepared to send her money to cover a reasonable tip. when i got the food inside i expressed my exhaustion at the lecture. he was talking for way longer than needed for me to get the point and wouldn’t let me defend myself, but i know customer jobs can be hell and he seemed nice enough and genuine. i can’t say how he would have been if it were not late at night meaning he had to keep his voice down. anyway, my gf thought he was completely unprofessional, wanted to not tip and leave a bad review. i tried to defend him saying to give a tip like he asked and she’d agree if she’d been there. we compromised and she didn’t leave him negative feedback but didn’t tip or leave positive feedback either. i would have felt terrible in case he lost his job. i still feel bad, but my gf thinks otherwise and i really had to convince her to just leave the review alone. she said it’s not our fault uber won’t pay him, that’s the company’s problem not ours, he could have cancelled etc. i agree that uber sucks here, but should we have tipped because he did a nice thing delivering it anyway or was he really unprofessional? tldr: unable to amend food delivery address and could’t contact driver properly or cancel. he paid the extra fuel out of pocket due to uber’s policies, asked for a small tip during long lecture about the situation where i couldn’t get a word in edgeways. told gf and she refused to tip. should we have? [/INST] yta 100%. tip him as much as you can reasonably afford, and have cash on-hand nexttime to just shove into their hand so they feel better right away. if you need reasoning, he drove for you, despite your screwup. his speech may not have been helpful, but it was not much of a price to pay. in return, you should tip him for this above-and-beyond service. </s>
|
AITA for not letting my dad’s parents see my kid ?
|
i am 23f and i have a daughter who is 2 years old. my dads side of the family has always been shitty, they only cared for him when they needed money. a little backstory, they would act like they were struggling financially so he could send them money, and weirdly the next day they would throw a party or go on a shopping spree. his mother especially is a witch, she is a narcissist who thinks people don’t like her because they are jealous of her and she is obsessed with money. she has always treated my mom poorly and she raised my dad differently, her 3 other kids were privileged asf.
7 years ago, when i was 16, i told my parents that i didn’t want anything to do with that side of the family which they accepted, bc they noticed that it was getting out of hand.
now i’m older, i have a kid and obviously everybody knows about it. all of my family is happy about it, but my dads side is pissed bc i am not willing to show them my daughter. the most they got was pictures. i want my child to be raised in a healthy household and i don’t want to be a source of toxicity for her, so i’m trying my best to keep her away from the toxic side of my family. they have spammed me with texts and calls, apologizing for their past mistakes but also saying that it’s disrespectful of me and that they wanna see their great-grandkids. my parents also think i’m doing too much, and calling them on skype to talk about my daughter wouldn’t be such a big deal.
i want the best for my kid, aita ?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wupvrb/aita_for_not_letting_my_dads_parents_see_my_kid/
|
2022-08-22 10:24:24
|
nta
you are doing what's best for you and the kid.
give them any access and they'll abuse it, they'll say or do something, and you'll regret it.
the hell with them. this is the consequence of their actions.
|
nta. protecting your child is one of the most important duties of a parent. it’s part of giving them the opportunity to grow into their healthiest, happiest, most authentic self. if you believe that contact with your paternal family will cause more harm than good, the decision is obvious.
|
nta, your child, you get to decide. if these people are toxic and only bring negativity/drama, it's understandable that you would not want them to be part of your life. since this will come with so much unnecessary drama, i would encourage you to set yourself some boundaries and block anyone spamming you.
|
nta.... never sacrifice your children to a family member that will not love them!
just do you and pretend like they don't exist!
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am 23f and i have a daughter who is 2 years old. my dads side of the family has always been shitty, they only cared for him when they needed money. a little backstory, they would act like they were struggling financially so he could send them money, and weirdly the next day they would throw a party or go on a shopping spree. his mother especially is a witch, she is a narcissist who thinks people don’t like her because they are jealous of her and she is obsessed with money. she has always treated my mom poorly and she raised my dad differently, her 3 other kids were privileged asf. 7 years ago, when i was 16, i told my parents that i didn’t want anything to do with that side of the family which they accepted, bc they noticed that it was getting out of hand. now i’m older, i have a kid and obviously everybody knows about it. all of my family is happy about it, but my dads side is pissed bc i am not willing to show them my daughter. the most they got was pictures. i want my child to be raised in a healthy household and i don’t want to be a source of toxicity for her, so i’m trying my best to keep her away from the toxic side of my family. they have spammed me with texts and calls, apologizing for their past mistakes but also saying that it’s disrespectful of me and that they wanna see their great-grandkids. my parents also think i’m doing too much, and calling them on skype to talk about my daughter wouldn’t be such a big deal. i want the best for my kid, aita ?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am 23f and i have a daughter who is 2 years old. my dads side of the family has always been shitty, they only cared for him when they needed money. a little backstory, they would act like they were struggling financially so he could send them money, and weirdly the next day they would throw a party or go on a shopping spree. his mother especially is a witch, she is a narcissist who thinks people don’t like her because they are jealous of her and she is obsessed with money. she has always treated my mom poorly and she raised my dad differently, her 3 other kids were privileged asf. 7 years ago, when i was 16, i told my parents that i didn’t want anything to do with that side of the family which they accepted, bc they noticed that it was getting out of hand. now i’m older, i have a kid and obviously everybody knows about it. all of my family is happy about it, but my dads side is pissed bc i am not willing to show them my daughter. the most they got was pictures. i want my child to be raised in a healthy household and i don’t want to be a source of toxicity for her, so i’m trying my best to keep her away from the toxic side of my family. they have spammed me with texts and calls, apologizing for their past mistakes but also saying that it’s disrespectful of me and that they wanna see their great-grandkids. my parents also think i’m doing too much, and calling them on skype to talk about my daughter wouldn’t be such a big deal. i want the best for my kid, aita ? [/INST] nta you are doing what's best for you and the kid. give them any access and they'll abuse it, they'll say or do something, and you'll regret it. the hell with them. this is the consequence of their actions. </s>
|
WIBTA if I changed who my maid of honour is after already asking someone?
|
my wedding is in 6 months. i'm having 3 bridesmaids, my sister, my long-time best friend riley, and a newer best friend amy. i asked amy to be my maid of honour and she happily accepted.
i met her through my finance as she is his best friends partner. we all spend a lot of time together as a group but her and i also speak a lot and spent time together just the two of us. we are close but amy and i have had some big arguments that we've seemingly moved on from.
a few months ago amy called me concerned, saying that she thought that riley should be my maid of honour as she'd known me for longer and been friends with me since the beginning of high school. i told her that while that is true, her and i were also just as close and riley and i lived in different cities now so weren't as close as we once were. i also told her that i'd have asked riley if i wanted her, but i didn't i'd asked her. amy told me that she was just making sure and it was just her anxiety.
recently amy and i seem to have drifted. she has a few other friends and seems to be spending a lot of time with them, which is fine, but the only time her and i have spent together lately is when the group all hang out together. we still message each other but it's not as much as before. she also recently got engaged and is planning her wedding. she has asked some other friends to be bridesmaids and not me. i'm fine with that it just got me thinking that maybe we aren't as close as i thought we were?
also riley and i have been speaking a lot and she's been really supportive of me, asking if i need any help with planning and checking in. also i was able to visit her recently and we just picked up where we left off, no damage to the relationship at all.
it's all got me thinking that maybe amy was hinting at something and trying to say we weren't that close, and i'm starting to agree that riley should be my maid of honour. i don't want to hurt amy's feelings though if i'm wrong and it really was her anxiety.
reddit, wibta if i told amy i no longer wanted her as maid of honour, just a bridesmaid, and asked riley to be maid of honour instead?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m1v3ua/wibta_if_i_changed_who_my_maid_of_honour_is_after/
|
2021-03-10 11:04:34
|
yta slightly in this one i think, not to say that you did anything massively wrong but i think it's a tricky situation with no easy way out without upsetting someone.
maybe amy was trying to give you a way out, in which case you could try to casually bring it up again, but i wouldn't be surprised if amy got upset especially after already relaying her anxieties to you. also, what would happen if in the next 6 months you drift apart from riley again and get closer to amy once more? you can't keep swapping your moh back-and-forth, if you do decide to switch then you've got to stick with it.
|
info: why did you ask amy to be your maid of honor?
|
yta- you honestly fucked up a bit by asking amy in the first place. your sister or oldest friends would've been a far better choice than the person you have the most fun with in this moment. of course you can chose who you like but i just think it is unwise. and it would be worse to not just live with your choice now.
|
soft yta. you made a choice, she gave you the chance to go back on it and you chose not to, and no significant event happened since that point to change your decision. you should have thought the decision through more if you're this wishy washy about them, but it's too late now. stick with your choice, changing it now will cause too much drama potentially.
|
i’d say y t a but the fact that amy hasn’t asked you to be her bridesmaid makes me think she doesn’t consider you as close a friend as you consider her. she might be much more affected by the big arguments you talk about than you think. i used to know someone who extrapolated big fights after they got over and ended up resenting the other person over time by overthinking. this might be happening to her and she might slowly be thinking that you’re not as close.
talk to her once and ask her what’s up, and confirm that she really does want to be your moh, and if she gives you an out again, i’d suggest taking it because you don’t seem to want her either. nah.
|
info: have you talked to amy and suggested you hang out just the two of you?
|
i would say nta and i do feel like this situation could be solved with some straight forward communication. before you say anything to riley, i’d tell amy (over phone or in person, not through text) your thoughts and ask straight up if something has changed.
has amy started any plans for the wedding/bachelorette party/whatever her duties are?
|
nah
but i wouldn't change anything. moh titles really don't matter that much. i think you'd just be asking for drama if you switched, what happens if you drift from riley and reconnect with amy again... are you going to switch again?
honestly, just don't have a moh. have bridesmaids and the ones that help out are the ones that can.
|
info: what made you pick her as your moh over your sister and oldest best friend?
| null |
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
INFO
| null | 0.3711 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wedding is in 6 months. i'm having 3 bridesmaids, my sister, my long-time best friend riley, and a newer best friend amy. i asked amy to be my maid of honour and she happily accepted. i met her through my finance as she is his best friends partner. we all spend a lot of time together as a group but her and i also speak a lot and spent time together just the two of us. we are close but amy and i have had some big arguments that we've seemingly moved on from. a few months ago amy called me concerned, saying that she thought that riley should be my maid of honour as she'd known me for longer and been friends with me since the beginning of high school. i told her that while that is true, her and i were also just as close and riley and i lived in different cities now so weren't as close as we once were. i also told her that i'd have asked riley if i wanted her, but i didn't i'd asked her. amy told me that she was just making sure and it was just her anxiety. recently amy and i seem to have drifted. she has a few other friends and seems to be spending a lot of time with them, which is fine, but the only time her and i have spent together lately is when the group all hang out together. we still message each other but it's not as much as before. she also recently got engaged and is planning her wedding. she has asked some other friends to be bridesmaids and not me. i'm fine with that it just got me thinking that maybe we aren't as close as i thought we were? also riley and i have been speaking a lot and she's been really supportive of me, asking if i need any help with planning and checking in. also i was able to visit her recently and we just picked up where we left off, no damage to the relationship at all. it's all got me thinking that maybe amy was hinting at something and trying to say we weren't that close, and i'm starting to agree that riley should be my maid of honour. i don't want to hurt amy's feelings though if i'm wrong and it really was her anxiety. reddit, wibta if i told amy i no longer wanted her as maid of honour, just a bridesmaid, and asked riley to be maid of honour instead?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wedding is in 6 months. i'm having 3 bridesmaids, my sister, my long-time best friend riley, and a newer best friend amy. i asked amy to be my maid of honour and she happily accepted. i met her through my finance as she is his best friends partner. we all spend a lot of time together as a group but her and i also speak a lot and spent time together just the two of us. we are close but amy and i have had some big arguments that we've seemingly moved on from. a few months ago amy called me concerned, saying that she thought that riley should be my maid of honour as she'd known me for longer and been friends with me since the beginning of high school. i told her that while that is true, her and i were also just as close and riley and i lived in different cities now so weren't as close as we once were. i also told her that i'd have asked riley if i wanted her, but i didn't i'd asked her. amy told me that she was just making sure and it was just her anxiety. recently amy and i seem to have drifted. she has a few other friends and seems to be spending a lot of time with them, which is fine, but the only time her and i have spent together lately is when the group all hang out together. we still message each other but it's not as much as before. she also recently got engaged and is planning her wedding. she has asked some other friends to be bridesmaids and not me. i'm fine with that it just got me thinking that maybe we aren't as close as i thought we were? also riley and i have been speaking a lot and she's been really supportive of me, asking if i need any help with planning and checking in. also i was able to visit her recently and we just picked up where we left off, no damage to the relationship at all. it's all got me thinking that maybe amy was hinting at something and trying to say we weren't that close, and i'm starting to agree that riley should be my maid of honour. i don't want to hurt amy's feelings though if i'm wrong and it really was her anxiety. reddit, wibta if i told amy i no longer wanted her as maid of honour, just a bridesmaid, and asked riley to be maid of honour instead? [/INST] yta slightly in this one i think, not to say that you did anything massively wrong but i think it's a tricky situation with no easy way out without upsetting someone. maybe amy was trying to give you a way out, in which case you could try to casually bring it up again, but i wouldn't be surprised if amy got upset especially after already relaying her anxieties to you. also, what would happen if in the next 6 months you drift apart from riley again and get closer to amy once more? you can't keep swapping your moh back-and-forth, if you do decide to switch then you've got to stick with it. </s>
|
AITA for not letting my husband eat a piece of pie crust
|
so i just finished making this super complicated pie for thanksgiving tomorrow. milk bar's hilly's carmel pumpkin pie. anyway. i started it at 7:45 pm when i got home from work and i just now finished at 12:45 am.
the pie needs to sit in the fridge overnight and while i was assembling it my husband kept asking to take a chunk of the crust.
normally i wouldn't care on less intense recipes but this recipe was a new one and i was very proud of how it came out. call me silly but i wanted to take a picture of it tomorrow all completed and looking nice. i really didn't want him to take a chunk out of the crust beforehand. i spent over 5 hours on this one pie. i'm tired. i kept saying no and he kept reaching for it, cutting me off and would not let me explain why i didnt want him to take a piece of the crust off yet. eventually i snapped at him. now he's mad at me for "yelling at him over a damn pie". am i the asshole for not letting him take a piece of the crust out of the pie? i'm afraid i over reacted. i don't want to fight with him on thanksgiving and i can't help but chalk it up to us both just be overly tired. but i also feel justified in not wanting him to dig into something i just worked so hard on and hadn't even had a chance to complete it fully.
also would like to add, he doesn't even like pumpkin pie. which is why he wanted only a piece of the crust. i'm also planning on making him an apple cobbler tomorrow upon his request since he doesn't like pumpkin.
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z3d4ef/aita_for_not_letting_my_husband_eat_a_piece_of/
|
2022-11-24 07:04:28
|
nta. if i spend 3-5 hours baking something, it will be enshrined in gold until its time to be eaten. him picking at it is just disrespectful to your hard work.
|
nta. you weren’t “yelling at him over a damn pie”. you were “yelling” at him for not listening to you & his insistence after his first request. and for his lack of appreciation of your hard work.
|
nta.
it's your pie and you spent 5 hours on it. you have the right to do whatever you want with it. your husband should've understood that this isn't his pie, and moreover, should've respected your wishes for the pie not to be eaten, clearly expressed by the moving away of his hand from the pie. should've heard u out on your reasons which btw should not necessarily have to be told to him because once again it's your pie.
if he's mad at you for 'shouting over a damn pie', he should have listened when you weren't shouting.
|
nta he can spend 4 hours baking a pie if he wants to eat a piece of crust right now.
|
nta - is he five? even small children can understand delayed gratification. it’s a sign of emotional maturity. he can wait to eat pie with everyone else. (or make his own damn pie)
|
nta. he’s acting like a child. take your pictures, show off your hard work, and enjoy the day!! if he’s grumpy that’s on him and honestly super immature for him to be upset about a pie.
|
nta
you didn't overreact at all. your husband wanted to ruin something you spent 5 hours making. i would snap too. he acted so so selfish and entitled.
|
nta, he's not a child and he can wait.
|
nta. he’s the one making a big deal over some pie.
|
nta. your husband sounds like the the type of person who eats people’s birthday cakes before they have a chance to blow out the candles.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i just finished making this super complicated pie for thanksgiving tomorrow. milk bar's hilly's carmel pumpkin pie. anyway. i started it at 7:45 pm when i got home from work and i just now finished at 12:45 am. the pie needs to sit in the fridge overnight and while i was assembling it my husband kept asking to take a chunk of the crust. normally i wouldn't care on less intense recipes but this recipe was a new one and i was very proud of how it came out. call me silly but i wanted to take a picture of it tomorrow all completed and looking nice. i really didn't want him to take a chunk out of the crust beforehand. i spent over 5 hours on this one pie. i'm tired. i kept saying no and he kept reaching for it, cutting me off and would not let me explain why i didnt want him to take a piece of the crust off yet. eventually i snapped at him. now he's mad at me for "yelling at him over a damn pie". am i the asshole for not letting him take a piece of the crust out of the pie? i'm afraid i over reacted. i don't want to fight with him on thanksgiving and i can't help but chalk it up to us both just be overly tired. but i also feel justified in not wanting him to dig into something i just worked so hard on and hadn't even had a chance to complete it fully. also would like to add, he doesn't even like pumpkin pie. which is why he wanted only a piece of the crust. i'm also planning on making him an apple cobbler tomorrow upon his request since he doesn't like pumpkin.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i just finished making this super complicated pie for thanksgiving tomorrow. milk bar's hilly's carmel pumpkin pie. anyway. i started it at 7:45 pm when i got home from work and i just now finished at 12:45 am. the pie needs to sit in the fridge overnight and while i was assembling it my husband kept asking to take a chunk of the crust. normally i wouldn't care on less intense recipes but this recipe was a new one and i was very proud of how it came out. call me silly but i wanted to take a picture of it tomorrow all completed and looking nice. i really didn't want him to take a chunk out of the crust beforehand. i spent over 5 hours on this one pie. i'm tired. i kept saying no and he kept reaching for it, cutting me off and would not let me explain why i didnt want him to take a piece of the crust off yet. eventually i snapped at him. now he's mad at me for "yelling at him over a damn pie". am i the asshole for not letting him take a piece of the crust out of the pie? i'm afraid i over reacted. i don't want to fight with him on thanksgiving and i can't help but chalk it up to us both just be overly tired. but i also feel justified in not wanting him to dig into something i just worked so hard on and hadn't even had a chance to complete it fully. also would like to add, he doesn't even like pumpkin pie. which is why he wanted only a piece of the crust. i'm also planning on making him an apple cobbler tomorrow upon his request since he doesn't like pumpkin. [/INST] nta. if i spend 3-5 hours baking something, it will be enshrined in gold until its time to be eaten. him picking at it is just disrespectful to your hard work. </s>
|
AITA for stealing another persons spot at dog hydrotherapy?
|
this happened about 3 months ago but i still think about it every fortnight and need some closure.
&#x200b;
i (f20s) have a 14 year old female rescue dog who i've had since she was 7 years old. as she's gotten older, she has developed a little bit of stiffness in mobility, mostly in her back legs. nothing severe or impacting her quality of life. i did some research and consulted her vet on what would be good for her, and decided on dog hydrotherapy. there is a really good centre in the city i live in close to where i live, and i signed up for their waiting list. i got a call about how a fortnightly session had just opened up and if i was interested in it. i immediately jumped on it and we got started. she has only gone for about 4 months as of today, but it has been so good for her joints and as exercise.
&#x200b;
the conflict occurred when i was at the clinic for our 3rd session. we had just arrived and were waiting when a lady walked in with a dog in a stroller/trolley thing. i didn't pay any attention to it until she came over to me and asked if i had the afternoon fortnightly session with this specific worker. i said yes which was a huge mistake because she took one look at my dog and lost it. she accused me of 'stealing' her session when her dog *needed* it more than my dog did and demanded i cancel my sessions so she could have them back. i have to admit her dog did look rough and i'm assuming was injured in some way if it couldn't walk and had to be in a stroller but didn't want to give up my sessions. the hydrotherapy was covered by our pet insurance for 12 session a year, and my dog has a hard time getting used to change so i didn't want to go through finding another clinic. the workers ended up escorted the lady out but every time i go in for our session, i think about this encounter. a worker told me that her dog was hit by a car and needed this therapy for recovery, and she lost her appointment due to falling behind in her payment plans. she apparently had to pay them off before she could commence her next session. this made me doubt having the session instead of her. aita?
edit for further clarity: the lady had paid off her overdue payments, that's why she was there at the clinic. a miscommunication on either end, i'm guessing she assumed that once she had paid off the overdue payments she could get her sessions back. i have no idea if me giving up my sessions would've meant she'd get them back, but that's the impression her and the front lady at the desk gave me. that is why i'm so conflicted about it, especially the nature of why she needed the sessions.
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qj1nyn/aita_for_stealing_another_persons_spot_at_dog/
|
2021-10-30 13:38:03
|
nta. she was removed from the slot for a reason and wouldn’t get it back if you gave it up. this was the clinic’s decision. not yours.
have you asked the clinic about it?
if she is likely retired/pensioned, she probably has the flexibility to come in a great many different times so if this works for you you should keep it.
|
if i'm reading this correctly, it is in no way your fault or problem when your pups hydrotherapy sessions are scheduled. i feel awful for her dog, but this isn't on you. you're nta
|
nta consider this: paying overdue bills doesn't necessarily mean you go to the top of the waiting list once you catch up. suppose you gave up the time slot and the clinic rules gave it to the next person / dog on the waiting list instead of her?
|
nta, it isn't up to you to manage the schedule of the therapy clinic. that is their business. they checked you at that time, you have a right to use it. if she doesn't like it, she can talk to the clinic.
|
nta, you didn’t steal her spot, her spot was taken away by the clinic because of issues with her not you.
|
> she took one look at my dog and lost it
nta, by virtue of her behaviour she lost any right to your consideration
had she asked politely and explained her situation rather than calling you a thief i might judge differently
|
nta- even if you were to give up your session she still would not have gotten your spot because she was behind on payment.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened about 3 months ago but i still think about it every fortnight and need some closure. &#x200b; i (f20s) have a 14 year old female rescue dog who i've had since she was 7 years old. as she's gotten older, she has developed a little bit of stiffness in mobility, mostly in her back legs. nothing severe or impacting her quality of life. i did some research and consulted her vet on what would be good for her, and decided on dog hydrotherapy. there is a really good centre in the city i live in close to where i live, and i signed up for their waiting list. i got a call about how a fortnightly session had just opened up and if i was interested in it. i immediately jumped on it and we got started. she has only gone for about 4 months as of today, but it has been so good for her joints and as exercise. &#x200b; the conflict occurred when i was at the clinic for our 3rd session. we had just arrived and were waiting when a lady walked in with a dog in a stroller/trolley thing. i didn't pay any attention to it until she came over to me and asked if i had the afternoon fortnightly session with this specific worker. i said yes which was a huge mistake because she took one look at my dog and lost it. she accused me of 'stealing' her session when her dog *needed* it more than my dog did and demanded i cancel my sessions so she could have them back. i have to admit her dog did look rough and i'm assuming was injured in some way if it couldn't walk and had to be in a stroller but didn't want to give up my sessions. the hydrotherapy was covered by our pet insurance for 12 session a year, and my dog has a hard time getting used to change so i didn't want to go through finding another clinic. the workers ended up escorted the lady out but every time i go in for our session, i think about this encounter. a worker told me that her dog was hit by a car and needed this therapy for recovery, and she lost her appointment due to falling behind in her payment plans. she apparently had to pay them off before she could commence her next session. this made me doubt having the session instead of her. aita? edit for further clarity: the lady had paid off her overdue payments, that's why she was there at the clinic. a miscommunication on either end, i'm guessing she assumed that once she had paid off the overdue payments she could get her sessions back. i have no idea if me giving up my sessions would've meant she'd get them back, but that's the impression her and the front lady at the desk gave me. that is why i'm so conflicted about it, especially the nature of why she needed the sessions.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened about 3 months ago but i still think about it every fortnight and need some closure. &#x200b; i (f20s) have a 14 year old female rescue dog who i've had since she was 7 years old. as she's gotten older, she has developed a little bit of stiffness in mobility, mostly in her back legs. nothing severe or impacting her quality of life. i did some research and consulted her vet on what would be good for her, and decided on dog hydrotherapy. there is a really good centre in the city i live in close to where i live, and i signed up for their waiting list. i got a call about how a fortnightly session had just opened up and if i was interested in it. i immediately jumped on it and we got started. she has only gone for about 4 months as of today, but it has been so good for her joints and as exercise. &#x200b; the conflict occurred when i was at the clinic for our 3rd session. we had just arrived and were waiting when a lady walked in with a dog in a stroller/trolley thing. i didn't pay any attention to it until she came over to me and asked if i had the afternoon fortnightly session with this specific worker. i said yes which was a huge mistake because she took one look at my dog and lost it. she accused me of 'stealing' her session when her dog *needed* it more than my dog did and demanded i cancel my sessions so she could have them back. i have to admit her dog did look rough and i'm assuming was injured in some way if it couldn't walk and had to be in a stroller but didn't want to give up my sessions. the hydrotherapy was covered by our pet insurance for 12 session a year, and my dog has a hard time getting used to change so i didn't want to go through finding another clinic. the workers ended up escorted the lady out but every time i go in for our session, i think about this encounter. a worker told me that her dog was hit by a car and needed this therapy for recovery, and she lost her appointment due to falling behind in her payment plans. she apparently had to pay them off before she could commence her next session. this made me doubt having the session instead of her. aita? edit for further clarity: the lady had paid off her overdue payments, that's why she was there at the clinic. a miscommunication on either end, i'm guessing she assumed that once she had paid off the overdue payments she could get her sessions back. i have no idea if me giving up my sessions would've meant she'd get them back, but that's the impression her and the front lady at the desk gave me. that is why i'm so conflicted about it, especially the nature of why she needed the sessions. [/INST] nta. she was removed from the slot for a reason and wouldn’t get it back if you gave it up. this was the clinic’s decision. not yours. have you asked the clinic about it? if she is likely retired/pensioned, she probably has the flexibility to come in a great many different times so if this works for you you should keep it. </s>
|
AITA for “making a difficult time more difficult by causing more drama because of my beliefs which I should just keep to myself.”
|
hi, i recently [19 f] got in a fight with my parents and sister over what what her boyfriend was saying. currently we’re having trouble evicting which is causing a hard time for my sister and her boyfriend who plan to move in.
i’m causing an “unnecessary drama” because i voiced my concern when he (sisters bf) said “they belong in chains and cages” [as in black people] he is screaming the n slur in the house like a child have a temper tantrum and is constantly going outside yelling at the side of the house “you stupid [slur] we’re gonna get you, you stupid [slur]” he’s also made threats saying “i could make one phone call and this could all be solved” basically threatening violence.
i told him that just because this individual is a bit of an asshole (not paying rent, laughing at my parents, acting smug about getting away with living for free) that we shouldn’t be racist. he proceeded to tell me “i’ve lived on this planet longer than you have and all these ‘people’ are all the same.” he continued by saying that “all of ‘them’ are the same, all of ‘them’ act like that”
i feel so alienated, no one seems to care about my view and no one wants to even hear what i have to say, they silence me saying “people have different views” and sure but i cannot standby and let this behaviour continue.
i’m an emotional person who’s pretty “pc” so when i argue i go sometimes a little far but i do feel bad for causing more stress but don’t because what they’re saying is embarrassing to be related to and just completely wrong.
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o9tb8u/aita_for_making_a_difficult_time_more_difficult/
|
2021-06-28 20:59:33
|
nta. can we please get over this idea that not being racist is "pc?" he's a mega-asshole and pointing that out doesn't at all shift that onto you.
|
nta you are absolutely correct, there is no instance where being racist is anything other than despicable. what’s more disappointing is how your parents reacted. please stay safe, hope you can get to a better situation soon.
|
nta.
there are two (well, more, but anyway) separate issues with his racist behavior.
first, the "they are all like that" stuff is horrible racist stereotyping, there is no way to ever justify or excuse any of that. it is completely damning of his character.
second, justifying horrible slurs because the victim has wronged him in some way. let's use the example of caitlyn jenner. a lot of people, myself included, think she's kind of a horrible person and does no favors to the lgbt community. but that never justifies deadnaming her or calling her transphobic slurs. this is the same situation. talk about how your tenant is shit in any other way, but bringing race into it is always wrong.
|
nta. dude. that man is dangerous.
|
nta - your sister's bf is a racist and it sounds like he's half a step away from physically harming something. your parents' tenant is taking advantage of the eviction moratorium (i'm assuming you're in the us) but that doesn't excuse using that language.
you should be trying to de-escalate the situation; that's actually a good thing. don't let your family tell you that you're doing it wrong.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi, i recently [19 f] got in a fight with my parents and sister over what what her boyfriend was saying. currently we’re having trouble evicting which is causing a hard time for my sister and her boyfriend who plan to move in. i’m causing an “unnecessary drama” because i voiced my concern when he (sisters bf) said “they belong in chains and cages” [as in black people] he is screaming the n slur in the house like a child have a temper tantrum and is constantly going outside yelling at the side of the house “you stupid [slur] we’re gonna get you, you stupid [slur]” he’s also made threats saying “i could make one phone call and this could all be solved” basically threatening violence. i told him that just because this individual is a bit of an asshole (not paying rent, laughing at my parents, acting smug about getting away with living for free) that we shouldn’t be racist. he proceeded to tell me “i’ve lived on this planet longer than you have and all these ‘people’ are all the same.” he continued by saying that “all of ‘them’ are the same, all of ‘them’ act like that” i feel so alienated, no one seems to care about my view and no one wants to even hear what i have to say, they silence me saying “people have different views” and sure but i cannot standby and let this behaviour continue. i’m an emotional person who’s pretty “pc” so when i argue i go sometimes a little far but i do feel bad for causing more stress but don’t because what they’re saying is embarrassing to be related to and just completely wrong.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi, i recently [19 f] got in a fight with my parents and sister over what what her boyfriend was saying. currently we’re having trouble evicting which is causing a hard time for my sister and her boyfriend who plan to move in. i’m causing an “unnecessary drama” because i voiced my concern when he (sisters bf) said “they belong in chains and cages” [as in black people] he is screaming the n slur in the house like a child have a temper tantrum and is constantly going outside yelling at the side of the house “you stupid [slur] we’re gonna get you, you stupid [slur]” he’s also made threats saying “i could make one phone call and this could all be solved” basically threatening violence. i told him that just because this individual is a bit of an asshole (not paying rent, laughing at my parents, acting smug about getting away with living for free) that we shouldn’t be racist. he proceeded to tell me “i’ve lived on this planet longer than you have and all these ‘people’ are all the same.” he continued by saying that “all of ‘them’ are the same, all of ‘them’ act like that” i feel so alienated, no one seems to care about my view and no one wants to even hear what i have to say, they silence me saying “people have different views” and sure but i cannot standby and let this behaviour continue. i’m an emotional person who’s pretty “pc” so when i argue i go sometimes a little far but i do feel bad for causing more stress but don’t because what they’re saying is embarrassing to be related to and just completely wrong. [/INST] nta. can we please get over this idea that not being racist is "pc?" he's a mega-asshole and pointing that out doesn't at all shift that onto you. </s>
|
AITA if I don't want to go with my twin sister to meet our biological father (sperm donor)?
|
my siblings (20m, 17f) and i (17m) were all conceived by sperm donation. we all have the same donor. from what i know, the donation was considered an "open donation" which means that we are allowed to contact him when we turn 18, but our parents can not contact him for us. my brother wrote him an email when he turned 18. our sperm donor wrote back and offered to meet up with my brother and us, but my brother stopped responding. he said he just wanted to thank him and wanted to see if they had anything in common.
my brother is home from college for winter break and my sister asked him if he would contact our sperm donor again. he did and our sperm donor said he would love to meet up. he doesn't live in state so they want to wait until my brother finishes his second semester of college before meeting up with him. my sister and i will be 18 at that point.
i told my sister that i support her wanting to go see him but that i won't be going. i am not making her go alone. she will be going with our older brother. she says she really wants to go with me. as twins we have a close bond and she says it's important for me to be there with her. i told her i understand but i can't do that for her. i don't hold any ill will towards our sperm donor but to me he's just some dude who happened to jack off in a cup. i am appreciative of him. without him i wouldn't be here but i am really uncomfortable with the idea of meeting him. i can't really explain why and my sister thinks i am just being a jerk for no reason.
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ekgzku/aita_if_i_dont_want_to_go_with_my_twin_sister_to/
|
2020-01-05 18:38:10
|
nta, you’re both valid in your feelings and unfortunately probably going to both be pretty set on your opinion of the matter.
|
nah,
your sister is probably super nervous, so having that familiarity of her twin sister to share the experience with her will help make it easier for her. so of course she would want you to come.
you on the other hand, you're feelings are valid too. meeting your biological father for the first time has a lot of emotions tied to it. tell your sister that you will live vicariously through her experiences until you're ready (or not) to meet up with him.
|
nta— i understand why she wants to go, but she needs to respect that you don’t want to. if you’re uncomfortable don’t let them pressure you to go.
|
nah. i’m also conceived by sperm donation and just found out last year (psa: if you’re raising a kid conceived via donor or adoption, please be honest with them so they don’t find out by surprise when they’re 29). i have 5 half siblings that i know of so far. our donor was anonymous, but i tracked him down and he’s open to contact. one of my brothers tried being really controlling about how and when we would interact with our biological father at first. i’ve explained to him that, while this is a collective journey, it’s also an individual journey where each of us needs the space to forge (or not!) our own relationship with our bio dad.
|
you are so so nta.
i am a twin born of egg donation and am 23f with no interest in meeting my donor or the family even though i know who they are and am grateful for what they did for my family. i know how hard this must be for you and if your sister continues to press you she will be ta and this could harm the bond you currently have, maybe phrase it to her that if she feels like you are damaging the relationship between you by not going, she is being equally damaging by trying to pressure you to go.
stick to your guns and i hope this all works out for you. continue being a support for her and your brother - they may be pinning hopes of finding someone similar to them which may not be realised and this can be hard too.
|
you’re entitled to your opinion and your feelings. and she’s entitled to hers. it’s that simple.
and i can’t stop laughing when i think of your image of your biological father as some dude who jerked off in a cup.
some people call him dad, but i call him jerked off in a cup.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.009798 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my siblings (20m, 17f) and i (17m) were all conceived by sperm donation. we all have the same donor. from what i know, the donation was considered an "open donation" which means that we are allowed to contact him when we turn 18, but our parents can not contact him for us. my brother wrote him an email when he turned 18. our sperm donor wrote back and offered to meet up with my brother and us, but my brother stopped responding. he said he just wanted to thank him and wanted to see if they had anything in common. my brother is home from college for winter break and my sister asked him if he would contact our sperm donor again. he did and our sperm donor said he would love to meet up. he doesn't live in state so they want to wait until my brother finishes his second semester of college before meeting up with him. my sister and i will be 18 at that point. i told my sister that i support her wanting to go see him but that i won't be going. i am not making her go alone. she will be going with our older brother. she says she really wants to go with me. as twins we have a close bond and she says it's important for me to be there with her. i told her i understand but i can't do that for her. i don't hold any ill will towards our sperm donor but to me he's just some dude who happened to jack off in a cup. i am appreciative of him. without him i wouldn't be here but i am really uncomfortable with the idea of meeting him. i can't really explain why and my sister thinks i am just being a jerk for no reason.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my siblings (20m, 17f) and i (17m) were all conceived by sperm donation. we all have the same donor. from what i know, the donation was considered an "open donation" which means that we are allowed to contact him when we turn 18, but our parents can not contact him for us. my brother wrote him an email when he turned 18. our sperm donor wrote back and offered to meet up with my brother and us, but my brother stopped responding. he said he just wanted to thank him and wanted to see if they had anything in common. my brother is home from college for winter break and my sister asked him if he would contact our sperm donor again. he did and our sperm donor said he would love to meet up. he doesn't live in state so they want to wait until my brother finishes his second semester of college before meeting up with him. my sister and i will be 18 at that point. i told my sister that i support her wanting to go see him but that i won't be going. i am not making her go alone. she will be going with our older brother. she says she really wants to go with me. as twins we have a close bond and she says it's important for me to be there with her. i told her i understand but i can't do that for her. i don't hold any ill will towards our sperm donor but to me he's just some dude who happened to jack off in a cup. i am appreciative of him. without him i wouldn't be here but i am really uncomfortable with the idea of meeting him. i can't really explain why and my sister thinks i am just being a jerk for no reason. [/INST] nta, you’re both valid in your feelings and unfortunately probably going to both be pretty set on your opinion of the matter. </s>
|
AITA - My friend ditched me so I made her go home
|
for context my friend had been staying at my house for the weekend when all of a sudden she walks out my back door. i assume she’s going to go on my hammock so i go out back to join her but to my surprise she isn’t there. i began looking for her but could not find her i, call her cell but she did not pick up so i become frantic and was just about to text her mom when i see she texted me. “i’ll be back i went to go do something with my friend.” i text her telling her how it was wrong to ditch me and not let me know she was leaving beforehand in person and cause me to panic. it leads to an argue and i explained multiple times i was mad because she ditched me at my house with no warning beforehand but she thinks it’s because she didn’t invite me to hangout with her friend and i was butthurt about that. i suggested she should’ve just went home if she wanted to leave and hangout with her other friends and she agrees. so i tell her to come pick up her things(which i left on my indoor porch) and go home. she blows up and yells at me for kicking her out of my house and blocks me on all socials and tells me to never speak to her again. aita?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vn7imw/aita_my_friend_ditched_me_so_i_made_her_go_home/
|
2022-06-29 05:01:15
|
nta you are her excuse. i'm guessing her parents like you and not whoever she is hanging with.
|
nta that she uses the backdoor means, that she tried to keep it secret. who stays s weekend with a "friend" and then leave without a word wo spend time with someone else. you already have plans?! except you were just an cover... be happy to get rid of her, she never was a friend.
|
nta. i've never been to a friend's house and just left with no warning. kinda sus that she decided to meet thiis friend while away from home. sound like a set up.
|
nta. bet she was meeting a boy her parents won't let her date
|
absolutely not. nta she is using you and just got mad she was caught. she is pretending you are unreasonable when she did wrong. its classic gaslighting.
id be glad she took herself out of your life.
|
info
was she staying at yours to spend time with you, like a sleepover situation, or was she staying at yours because she needed somewhere to stay for some reason?
|
nta
you are the ‘sleep over’ friend excuse. the one her parents allow her to visit. the cover story.
i mean you could have burnt all the bridges to the ground and called her parents saying you were worried since she left and never came back. guarantee she’s with someone they disapprove of.
|
nta
i first thought your friend was living with you for some time then you would be. but if it’s a sleepover then no. this means you agreed to spend this time together and she just left without saying anything this way breaking your plans
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context my friend had been staying at my house for the weekend when all of a sudden she walks out my back door. i assume she’s going to go on my hammock so i go out back to join her but to my surprise she isn’t there. i began looking for her but could not find her i, call her cell but she did not pick up so i become frantic and was just about to text her mom when i see she texted me. “i’ll be back i went to go do something with my friend.” i text her telling her how it was wrong to ditch me and not let me know she was leaving beforehand in person and cause me to panic. it leads to an argue and i explained multiple times i was mad because she ditched me at my house with no warning beforehand but she thinks it’s because she didn’t invite me to hangout with her friend and i was butthurt about that. i suggested she should’ve just went home if she wanted to leave and hangout with her other friends and she agrees. so i tell her to come pick up her things(which i left on my indoor porch) and go home. she blows up and yells at me for kicking her out of my house and blocks me on all socials and tells me to never speak to her again. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for context my friend had been staying at my house for the weekend when all of a sudden she walks out my back door. i assume she’s going to go on my hammock so i go out back to join her but to my surprise she isn’t there. i began looking for her but could not find her i, call her cell but she did not pick up so i become frantic and was just about to text her mom when i see she texted me. “i’ll be back i went to go do something with my friend.” i text her telling her how it was wrong to ditch me and not let me know she was leaving beforehand in person and cause me to panic. it leads to an argue and i explained multiple times i was mad because she ditched me at my house with no warning beforehand but she thinks it’s because she didn’t invite me to hangout with her friend and i was butthurt about that. i suggested she should’ve just went home if she wanted to leave and hangout with her other friends and she agrees. so i tell her to come pick up her things(which i left on my indoor porch) and go home. she blows up and yells at me for kicking her out of my house and blocks me on all socials and tells me to never speak to her again. aita? [/INST] nta you are her excuse. i'm guessing her parents like you and not whoever she is hanging with. </s>
|
WIBTA if I tell my brother, that his child is not his.
|
this has been weighing on my mind for several months now. about 4 years ago my brother started dating this girl and after only a short time dating -1 month, she found out she was pregnant. the timeline was suspicious to all of us in my bro's family, but we didn't question it to much. they ended up getting married a short time later. once the baby was born, we all noticed that the baby did not look like his, my brother is white and his wife is hispanic. the baby was dark skin and appeared to have african american features and hair. my bro's wife also was acting strange, she wouldn't let anyone take any pictures of the baby and she shaved his head. she also wouldn't let family see the baby neither. she has a fb page with a fake name and no pics as if she is hiding from something or someone. we do know she has some gang history in her past, but not much detail about it. we urged my bro to take a paternity test, my bro makes decent money and she didn't have job. he said it was his kid, and i pretty much left it at that.
i didn't really want to involve myself in the situation because there has been drama between his family and my other brother's family and my mom for years. i felt like it should be his decision and i frankly think he knows the baby isn't his and that he just doesn't want us to know out of fear of judgement. my brother loves the kid to death and the boy is has recently been diagnosed as autistic and he has been jumping through hoops finding the best programs for him. also despite all this his relationship with his wife seems pretty solid, however she is somewhat rude to my mother. about 6 months ago my other brother let it slip that him and my mom had gotten a dna sample during one of the few rare visits and had a paternity test done and the baby is indeed not his. they did this test shortly after the baby was born and never told me about it until recently.
i wish they had never told me, this is a secret that i don't want to know. my brother has another child with his wife now that is 100 percent his and this information could destroy his family if he finds out. there is also the large possibility that he already knows the baby isn't his but doesn't want us to know, my family can be super judgmental. i also don't want him to get pissed at my mother for doing this, she is not healthy and if the secret ruins their relationship and don't know how it will affect her. i don't know why they went through with the test if they had no intention of telling him about it.
i am close with my mom and the brother in question and i really don't talk to my other brother that much, mainly cause it usually ends up with me having to choose sides between my two brother's families.
so how about it would i be the asshole if i told him the truth?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f21ao9/wibta_if_i_tell_my_brother_that_his_child_is_not/
|
2020-02-11 02:08:16
|
yta i have no idea why you think this is even a remotely good idea. i also don’t know why your family thought it was ok to get the dna test. your brother has made it pretty clear that it is his child, maybe not biologically but he has raised and loved that child.
|
yta
dna isn't the only thing that makes a parent. or family, for that matter. for 3+ years he's been the only dad that boy knows and for all intents and purposes, he is the father. either he already knows and doesn't care or doesn't want to know b/c he doesn't care. that's your nephew whether bio, adopted, whatever. your mom and brother were despicable to do that behind his back. if your brother is happy, let him be. it's between him and his wife, no one else.
highly recommend you shut down any conversation that ever comes up about this. definitely stay out of it.
|
ywbta if you told him. as you said, he likely already knows and has chosen not to get a paternity test. what your family did is not only against his wishes but is probably illegal in some way. if not it was at the very least terribly disrespectful. he loves the child and there is no reason to bring drama into an otherwise happy situation.
|
nta, this is a very tough situation where you have pros and cons with any route you take. as you said in your post, there’s a pretty good chance that your brother is aware that the child is not his. you say how he has african american features, if your brother is an aware person, then he knows. what may have happened here was that she was in a bad situation mixed up with bad people and he got her away. you mention that your family is judgmental so if he were to bring someone into this family with a child he knew wasn’t his he probably wouldn’t want to openly admit it.
if you were to tell him i think an indirect approach may be best. talk to him privately and mention how it’s been brought up in the past that your family doubts the baby’s his. let him know that if he’d like to talk about this you won’t judge and it will stay between you two. this may allow him to open up and speak with you about it. if he already knows then telling him about the test could do a lot of harm to his relationship with your mother but she may have already if his his wife is rude to her while being nice to others. perhaps this could be the source of tension?
|
nta. the assholes here are the family members who went behind your brothers back and did a dna test without his consent - what an egregious and disgusting violation of privacy.
|
ywbta. he probably knows. he doesn't care, that is his son. leave him be. your family who did this is...a lot of words that would get my post removed. if this ruined your mom/brother's relationship, it would be her fault.
|
ywbta
your brother is happy. let him be. also, not that you asked, but, "got a dna sample during a visit" wtf
|
wow. is it even legal to do a dna test on someone else’s baby? do not participate in this drama. it doesn’t matter if the baby has his dna or not. he’s raising the child and a second one with this woman, so it very much is his child.
ywbta if you tell him that his own mother secretly (and probably illegally) tested his baby. when he finds out what she did, you want to be far away from that chaos if you want to keep a relationship with him.
|
ywbta, do you really think he doesn’t know? do you think it would change anything? i’m honestly disgusted that someone would dna test a baby without telling the mother and after that i barely wanted to read anymore of this.
is he on the birth certificate? because that’s a whole other can of worms if he is and this isn’t his baby
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | 0.164243 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this has been weighing on my mind for several months now. about 4 years ago my brother started dating this girl and after only a short time dating -1 month, she found out she was pregnant. the timeline was suspicious to all of us in my bro's family, but we didn't question it to much. they ended up getting married a short time later. once the baby was born, we all noticed that the baby did not look like his, my brother is white and his wife is hispanic. the baby was dark skin and appeared to have african american features and hair. my bro's wife also was acting strange, she wouldn't let anyone take any pictures of the baby and she shaved his head. she also wouldn't let family see the baby neither. she has a fb page with a fake name and no pics as if she is hiding from something or someone. we do know she has some gang history in her past, but not much detail about it. we urged my bro to take a paternity test, my bro makes decent money and she didn't have job. he said it was his kid, and i pretty much left it at that. i didn't really want to involve myself in the situation because there has been drama between his family and my other brother's family and my mom for years. i felt like it should be his decision and i frankly think he knows the baby isn't his and that he just doesn't want us to know out of fear of judgement. my brother loves the kid to death and the boy is has recently been diagnosed as autistic and he has been jumping through hoops finding the best programs for him. also despite all this his relationship with his wife seems pretty solid, however she is somewhat rude to my mother. about 6 months ago my other brother let it slip that him and my mom had gotten a dna sample during one of the few rare visits and had a paternity test done and the baby is indeed not his. they did this test shortly after the baby was born and never told me about it until recently. i wish they had never told me, this is a secret that i don't want to know. my brother has another child with his wife now that is 100 percent his and this information could destroy his family if he finds out. there is also the large possibility that he already knows the baby isn't his but doesn't want us to know, my family can be super judgmental. i also don't want him to get pissed at my mother for doing this, she is not healthy and if the secret ruins their relationship and don't know how it will affect her. i don't know why they went through with the test if they had no intention of telling him about it. i am close with my mom and the brother in question and i really don't talk to my other brother that much, mainly cause it usually ends up with me having to choose sides between my two brother's families. so how about it would i be the asshole if i told him the truth?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this has been weighing on my mind for several months now. about 4 years ago my brother started dating this girl and after only a short time dating -1 month, she found out she was pregnant. the timeline was suspicious to all of us in my bro's family, but we didn't question it to much. they ended up getting married a short time later. once the baby was born, we all noticed that the baby did not look like his, my brother is white and his wife is hispanic. the baby was dark skin and appeared to have african american features and hair. my bro's wife also was acting strange, she wouldn't let anyone take any pictures of the baby and she shaved his head. she also wouldn't let family see the baby neither. she has a fb page with a fake name and no pics as if she is hiding from something or someone. we do know she has some gang history in her past, but not much detail about it. we urged my bro to take a paternity test, my bro makes decent money and she didn't have job. he said it was his kid, and i pretty much left it at that. i didn't really want to involve myself in the situation because there has been drama between his family and my other brother's family and my mom for years. i felt like it should be his decision and i frankly think he knows the baby isn't his and that he just doesn't want us to know out of fear of judgement. my brother loves the kid to death and the boy is has recently been diagnosed as autistic and he has been jumping through hoops finding the best programs for him. also despite all this his relationship with his wife seems pretty solid, however she is somewhat rude to my mother. about 6 months ago my other brother let it slip that him and my mom had gotten a dna sample during one of the few rare visits and had a paternity test done and the baby is indeed not his. they did this test shortly after the baby was born and never told me about it until recently. i wish they had never told me, this is a secret that i don't want to know. my brother has another child with his wife now that is 100 percent his and this information could destroy his family if he finds out. there is also the large possibility that he already knows the baby isn't his but doesn't want us to know, my family can be super judgmental. i also don't want him to get pissed at my mother for doing this, she is not healthy and if the secret ruins their relationship and don't know how it will affect her. i don't know why they went through with the test if they had no intention of telling him about it. i am close with my mom and the brother in question and i really don't talk to my other brother that much, mainly cause it usually ends up with me having to choose sides between my two brother's families. so how about it would i be the asshole if i told him the truth? [/INST] yta i have no idea why you think this is even a remotely good idea. i also don’t know why your family thought it was ok to get the dna test. your brother has made it pretty clear that it is his child, maybe not biologically but he has raised and loved that child. </s>
|
AITA for not telling my male manager my period started?
|
for some background i work in a sandwich shop, sundays are always a little busy because we get a lot of big families coming out of church and hankering for quick cheap food. i will say, normally, if this issue happened when a female manager was on duty i'd have no problem telling them but on this occasion the manager was male and this specific manager makes me uncomfortable and is generally bullheaded quick to anger and mean when it comes to delicate issues.
i (20f) kinda had a crappy day today. i was asked to come into work early today because another one of my coworkers caught covid and was out. i left in a rush and didn't get a chance to check that my period started today. when i came into work i was only scheduled for two and a half hours (just to cover the lunch rush) so i was just going to wait for my shift to end to get sanitary supplies at home and hope nothing bad happened.
then something bad happened. my bosses boss asked me to switch shifts with a coworker; so instead of two hours i would be there for seven. i said that was fine but i would need to call my husband to make sure we didn't have "plans". in actuality i was begging him to bring me midol and some pads.
about an hour after the lunch rush was over, i saw my husband walk into the shop, i waited on everyone in line and made sure no other guests needed my attention.(the only guests in the shop we're waiting for their sandwiches to be done) i walked up to my husband then announced i was going to the restroom so i could get my supplies without grossing out any guests.
as i was walking the manager on duty m19 saw me following my husband and said loudly across the shop "you two going together? hell no. you gotta work." i ignored him, started speedwalking and went to the bathroom anyway. i got into a fresh pair of underwear and cleaned up a bit and gave my husband everything i didn't need. he was never in the bathroom with me, just in the back of the store sitting in a booth waiting for me to finish.
however when i came back none of my other coworkers would talk to me and the manager in question scolded me at me a few times throughout the day without warning, saying things like "you know you're at work right? sometimes i just can't tell that you are."
i work really hard at my job because i enjoy it, and i don't want my coworkers to think i'm irresponsible. at the time i thought being discrete would not only prevent guests from being grossed out but also save me the embarrassment, but i ended up getting embarrassed in a shop full of people including my coworkers and made everyone uncomfortable. aita?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rkfm58/aita_for_not_telling_my_male_manager_my_period/
|
2021-12-20 05:26:52
|
nta. your boss though is an ignorant kid who it seems is struggling with the oversized big boy pants he has to wear and he covers it by being an overbearing arsehole.
send in a complaint to your bosses boss and tell them that you refuse to work with m19 anymore owing to his making fun of you whilst you were having a personal emergency, and that there are plenty of other jobs out there. good luck to them finding anyone to replace someone who picks up extra shifts when asked.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. next time, just tell him. i doubt he'd even have a response.
|
hell, i’d tell him if i were on my period whether i was or not. they get uncomfortable and leave you alone.
|
nta. on your period or not, everyone is entitled to use the bathroom.
|
nta. i'm 36 and have had my fair share of jobs and have never announced that to my manager/boss/supervisor. the only part i can see where you might be at fault is if you allowed your husband into an employees only area. but if it was a public bathroom area/part of the restaurant, then you did nothing wrong. working in period-stained clothing would have been a sanitary issue, especially when working around food. (gentle suggestion from someone who has irregular cycles and has had more than one unpleasant surprise: keep a small stash of supplies in your purse at all times, just in case.)
your manager is obviously a little boy hiding in an adult's body on a power trip. he has no right to question or deny you a trip to the bathroom, period or not, and was unprofessional and rude calling you out and embarrassing you in front of both coworkers and customers, especially over normal human bodily functions. he's probably one of those men who thinks you can just "hold your period in" (eye roll). you need to report his behavior to your boss or boss's boss immediately. dude clearly needs a lesson in decency and discretion.
i'm a former food service employee and had multiple managers just like him. they never last long, in my experience.
|
ynta. i think your boss was not speaking in a respectful manner towards you at all. one suggestion that might help you in the future is to say that your husband brought you something from home that you needed. you aren't being specific, but it might help a boss clue in.
having a period isn't anything you have to feel bad about. ever. it is your body, so you decide what to share with anyone else.
|
i notice that when he called you out the first time, "you two going together? hell no. you gotta work." he was implying that you and your husband were going to have sex in the restroom. file a complaint for sexual harassment.
| null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for some background i work in a sandwich shop, sundays are always a little busy because we get a lot of big families coming out of church and hankering for quick cheap food. i will say, normally, if this issue happened when a female manager was on duty i'd have no problem telling them but on this occasion the manager was male and this specific manager makes me uncomfortable and is generally bullheaded quick to anger and mean when it comes to delicate issues. i (20f) kinda had a crappy day today. i was asked to come into work early today because another one of my coworkers caught covid and was out. i left in a rush and didn't get a chance to check that my period started today. when i came into work i was only scheduled for two and a half hours (just to cover the lunch rush) so i was just going to wait for my shift to end to get sanitary supplies at home and hope nothing bad happened. then something bad happened. my bosses boss asked me to switch shifts with a coworker; so instead of two hours i would be there for seven. i said that was fine but i would need to call my husband to make sure we didn't have "plans". in actuality i was begging him to bring me midol and some pads. about an hour after the lunch rush was over, i saw my husband walk into the shop, i waited on everyone in line and made sure no other guests needed my attention.(the only guests in the shop we're waiting for their sandwiches to be done) i walked up to my husband then announced i was going to the restroom so i could get my supplies without grossing out any guests. as i was walking the manager on duty m19 saw me following my husband and said loudly across the shop "you two going together? hell no. you gotta work." i ignored him, started speedwalking and went to the bathroom anyway. i got into a fresh pair of underwear and cleaned up a bit and gave my husband everything i didn't need. he was never in the bathroom with me, just in the back of the store sitting in a booth waiting for me to finish. however when i came back none of my other coworkers would talk to me and the manager in question scolded me at me a few times throughout the day without warning, saying things like "you know you're at work right? sometimes i just can't tell that you are." i work really hard at my job because i enjoy it, and i don't want my coworkers to think i'm irresponsible. at the time i thought being discrete would not only prevent guests from being grossed out but also save me the embarrassment, but i ended up getting embarrassed in a shop full of people including my coworkers and made everyone uncomfortable. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for some background i work in a sandwich shop, sundays are always a little busy because we get a lot of big families coming out of church and hankering for quick cheap food. i will say, normally, if this issue happened when a female manager was on duty i'd have no problem telling them but on this occasion the manager was male and this specific manager makes me uncomfortable and is generally bullheaded quick to anger and mean when it comes to delicate issues. i (20f) kinda had a crappy day today. i was asked to come into work early today because another one of my coworkers caught covid and was out. i left in a rush and didn't get a chance to check that my period started today. when i came into work i was only scheduled for two and a half hours (just to cover the lunch rush) so i was just going to wait for my shift to end to get sanitary supplies at home and hope nothing bad happened. then something bad happened. my bosses boss asked me to switch shifts with a coworker; so instead of two hours i would be there for seven. i said that was fine but i would need to call my husband to make sure we didn't have "plans". in actuality i was begging him to bring me midol and some pads. about an hour after the lunch rush was over, i saw my husband walk into the shop, i waited on everyone in line and made sure no other guests needed my attention.(the only guests in the shop we're waiting for their sandwiches to be done) i walked up to my husband then announced i was going to the restroom so i could get my supplies without grossing out any guests. as i was walking the manager on duty m19 saw me following my husband and said loudly across the shop "you two going together? hell no. you gotta work." i ignored him, started speedwalking and went to the bathroom anyway. i got into a fresh pair of underwear and cleaned up a bit and gave my husband everything i didn't need. he was never in the bathroom with me, just in the back of the store sitting in a booth waiting for me to finish. however when i came back none of my other coworkers would talk to me and the manager in question scolded me at me a few times throughout the day without warning, saying things like "you know you're at work right? sometimes i just can't tell that you are." i work really hard at my job because i enjoy it, and i don't want my coworkers to think i'm irresponsible. at the time i thought being discrete would not only prevent guests from being grossed out but also save me the embarrassment, but i ended up getting embarrassed in a shop full of people including my coworkers and made everyone uncomfortable. aita? [/INST] nta. your boss though is an ignorant kid who it seems is struggling with the oversized big boy pants he has to wear and he covers it by being an overbearing arsehole. send in a complaint to your bosses boss and tell them that you refuse to work with m19 anymore owing to his making fun of you whilst you were having a personal emergency, and that there are plenty of other jobs out there. good luck to them finding anyone to replace someone who picks up extra shifts when asked. </s>
|
AITA for having someone’s car towed
|
they were parked in my spot, which i pay monthly for (and isn’t cheap). there is clear signage saying if you park there without a permit you will be towed but i didn’t wait for them to come back, i just called the towing company. my boyfriend says i could’ve just parked somewhere else, there’s no reason to mess with someone’s life like that, especially something as important as a car. i think if their car mattered so much they wouldn’t park somewhere they aren’t allowed to park. aita?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/edlpf0/aita_for_having_someones_car_towed/
|
2019-12-21 05:11:30
|
nta. you pay for that spot.
|
nta, it burns me up whenever people park in a spot that i pay for.
|
nta, the signs are clear and they chose to ignore them.
|
nta. you pay for the reserve of that spot. if someone parks there without your permission they’re technically stealing.
|
nta. it’s clearly marked and you pay for that spot. it’s not like you were policing a public space.. since you pay for the spot that’s basically your property. if someone randomly parked in your driveway you would certainly have them towed i don’t think this is that much different.
|
nta but i could be biased because i'm currently in a struggle in my neighborhood where it's permit parking only but all of our parking spots are taken by non-permit holders and the parking enforcement is lazy af. if i could tow every single car tonight i'd dump them all in the river. (yes i know, anger management over parking but i had to walk 5 blocks in pouring rain and flooded streets tonight just to get home from where i had to park. )
|
nta. this was something that made me crazy when i lived downtown in a large city: people park where they’re not allowed to park and their excuse is: “oh, i’m just doing it today. what’s the big deal if you need to walk a mile in the freezing rain or snow just once.” and 364 other self entitled ah do the same thing. 🤬
|
nta. people who are asses about parking piss me square off. plus they're not going to learn that rules are rules if they get away with breaking them.
|
nta . i also call towing whenever someone is parked in my spot. i live in a townhome community where half the houses have a driveway and the other half have a numbered assigned parking space. that parking space is my 'driveway'. in the past the hoa would request we put a note on that car and give them 48 hours to remove it before we called towing. at that point the damage is already done though, i've already had to park on the street outside of the neighborhood instead of the spot that i paid for. and would a home with a driveway be expected to wait 48 hours for a stranger's car to move from it before calling a tow? hell no. if someone manages to overlook the signs entering the neighborhood, and then the large painted number on my parking spot directly outside of my home, they are getting towed.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: they were parked in my spot, which i pay monthly for (and isn’t cheap). there is clear signage saying if you park there without a permit you will be towed but i didn’t wait for them to come back, i just called the towing company. my boyfriend says i could’ve just parked somewhere else, there’s no reason to mess with someone’s life like that, especially something as important as a car. i think if their car mattered so much they wouldn’t park somewhere they aren’t allowed to park. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
they were parked in my spot, which i pay monthly for (and isn’t cheap). there is clear signage saying if you park there without a permit you will be towed but i didn’t wait for them to come back, i just called the towing company. my boyfriend says i could’ve just parked somewhere else, there’s no reason to mess with someone’s life like that, especially something as important as a car. i think if their car mattered so much they wouldn’t park somewhere they aren’t allowed to park. aita? [/INST] nta. you pay for that spot. </s>
|
AITA For refusing to make my brother turn his music off?
|
i (16m) am more my autistic brothers (7) carer. it's no biggie, we just kinda vibe like that. i have five other disabled siblings and i honestly prefer looking after him to spending time with the rest of the family.
because of this, my parents let me make most decisions for him (they obviously check in on what we're doing, but it's generally my decision).
his room is attached through mine, meaning if my door is locked no one can get into his room.
he loves music, it's his biggest passion. he's mostly nonverbal, but can sometimes communicate through his songs. he listens to all sorts (i don't believe in limiting what he can listen to because of curse words. it's not like he's gonna wind up saying them) and his current new obsession is lil nas x's new song, montero. we aren't religious so i don't see the issue, and it's not like he has enough of an attention span to actually watch the music video.
obviously it caused some uproar with our parents. they said they don't want him watching things like that, so i agreed to not let him watch the video. that wasn't good enough for them.
we got pretty heated so i basically just locked my door and we continued listening to our songs.
they got angrier and eventually we got into an argument. they pulled the, "we're his parents," card and i pulled the, "yeah, but i'm the one raising him" card and they got kind of angrily silent after that.
my uncle (who lives with us) thinks that, while he understands where i'm coming from, it wouldn't be that hard for me to transfer him over to a new song to just keep the peace.
idk, am i the asshole? i get where they're coming from, it's not exactly a child friendly song - but he likes it. i don't see the point in transferring him over.
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mn3eke/aita_for_refusing_to_make_my_brother_turn_his/
|
2021-04-08 22:37:20
|
nta. if they're only latching onto this song because of the current drama around lil nas x and not because of the lyrics themselves, they're not really doing anything out of care for your brother, they're just upset because the news told them to be. you were maybe a little rude with your comment but if they literally have you make most of the decisions for him at 16 years old, they needed a bit of a wakeup call because it sounds like they've completely abdicated their parental responsibility to both you and your brother.
~~i n f o: do your parents have similar reactions to other inappropriate songs? because current drama aside montero definitely discusses situations not appropriate for a 7 year old.~~
|
nta, and you’re a good brother. i’m autistic myself, and it’s genuinely impossible to shift a special interest/hyperfixation, which is what it sounds like your brother is experiencing here. your parents also shouldn’t be worried. the interest in that specific will likely wane with a little more time as he finds something else to latch onto. you did a good job standing up for him though.
|
pop songs have *never* been “kid friendly” and i’m pretty sure your parents just noticed that this one makes them wanna clutch pearls.
i don’t approve of you locking your door and limiting access to your bro. the way you’ve described the interaction makes it an ah move.
the greater issue here is that they have delegated 7 bro’s care and feeding to you. you do the day to day care and feeding, now they want to pull rank and disrupt his current focus because they are aware of something they don’t like.
i highly disapprove of your parents putting op (17) and bro (7) in this position.
which is why i’m going with nta instead of e s h.
i don’t know your home life; so i won’t villainize your parents or neg your situation. you sound annoyed with this issue but happy/okay with how you and your bro get on together.
however, i will criticize them for being absentee parents to two kids living in their home. 7 kids a lot, 6/7 being disabled must be overwhelming. which is why it may sound like they are not very involved in making decisions about you and your brother’s daily life. that’s a reason for this situation, but not a good one.
if op’s parents can’t get their 17 yr old to change a song, they’ve got bigger issues going on than a 7 yr old playing lnx on repeat.
|
nta. just remind your parents that they grew up listening to “outside” with the videoclip designed as the 80s’ porn.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (16m) am more my autistic brothers (7) carer. it's no biggie, we just kinda vibe like that. i have five other disabled siblings and i honestly prefer looking after him to spending time with the rest of the family. because of this, my parents let me make most decisions for him (they obviously check in on what we're doing, but it's generally my decision). his room is attached through mine, meaning if my door is locked no one can get into his room. he loves music, it's his biggest passion. he's mostly nonverbal, but can sometimes communicate through his songs. he listens to all sorts (i don't believe in limiting what he can listen to because of curse words. it's not like he's gonna wind up saying them) and his current new obsession is lil nas x's new song, montero. we aren't religious so i don't see the issue, and it's not like he has enough of an attention span to actually watch the music video. obviously it caused some uproar with our parents. they said they don't want him watching things like that, so i agreed to not let him watch the video. that wasn't good enough for them. we got pretty heated so i basically just locked my door and we continued listening to our songs. they got angrier and eventually we got into an argument. they pulled the, "we're his parents," card and i pulled the, "yeah, but i'm the one raising him" card and they got kind of angrily silent after that. my uncle (who lives with us) thinks that, while he understands where i'm coming from, it wouldn't be that hard for me to transfer him over to a new song to just keep the peace. idk, am i the asshole? i get where they're coming from, it's not exactly a child friendly song - but he likes it. i don't see the point in transferring him over.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (16m) am more my autistic brothers (7) carer. it's no biggie, we just kinda vibe like that. i have five other disabled siblings and i honestly prefer looking after him to spending time with the rest of the family. because of this, my parents let me make most decisions for him (they obviously check in on what we're doing, but it's generally my decision). his room is attached through mine, meaning if my door is locked no one can get into his room. he loves music, it's his biggest passion. he's mostly nonverbal, but can sometimes communicate through his songs. he listens to all sorts (i don't believe in limiting what he can listen to because of curse words. it's not like he's gonna wind up saying them) and his current new obsession is lil nas x's new song, montero. we aren't religious so i don't see the issue, and it's not like he has enough of an attention span to actually watch the music video. obviously it caused some uproar with our parents. they said they don't want him watching things like that, so i agreed to not let him watch the video. that wasn't good enough for them. we got pretty heated so i basically just locked my door and we continued listening to our songs. they got angrier and eventually we got into an argument. they pulled the, "we're his parents," card and i pulled the, "yeah, but i'm the one raising him" card and they got kind of angrily silent after that. my uncle (who lives with us) thinks that, while he understands where i'm coming from, it wouldn't be that hard for me to transfer him over to a new song to just keep the peace. idk, am i the asshole? i get where they're coming from, it's not exactly a child friendly song - but he likes it. i don't see the point in transferring him over. [/INST] nta. if they're only latching onto this song because of the current drama around lil nas x and not because of the lyrics themselves, they're not really doing anything out of care for your brother, they're just upset because the news told them to be. you were maybe a little rude with your comment but if they literally have you make most of the decisions for him at 16 years old, they needed a bit of a wakeup call because it sounds like they've completely abdicated their parental responsibility to both you and your brother. ~~i n f o: do your parents have similar reactions to other inappropriate songs? because current drama aside montero definitely discusses situations not appropriate for a 7 year old.~~ </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to again borrow a camera to my neighbour's daughter?
|
this story is quite simply. last year, my girlfriend and i moved into a new place. we got friendly with our neighbours pretty quickly, as they seemed like genuinely kind people.
a few months after we moved in, we were exchanging pleasantries, and it came up that their 16-year-old daughter was very interested in photography. my girlfriend and i are both professional photographers, and we manage a rather large team, therefore, we have a lot of spare camera bodies, lenses, etc.
knowing what gear costs, and knowing that her new interest might very well just be a phase, i offered to borrow her one of my canon 5ds, a lens, and some basic accessories. they accepted this gratefully. my only t&c was that, in about 6 weeks, we had a particularly busy weekend coming up, so i was going to need all my spare gear, so she was to please return it before then.
after she borrowed the gear, their attitude towards us completely changed, and i mean completely. the dad was still nice enough, but the mom and daughter started ignoring us completely, to such a degree that they would look the other way if they saw us on the street.
the 6-weeks came and went, and nothing was returned. about a month after that, i messaged the daughter telling her i need it back. she kinda brushed me off and said she'll bring it back in a week. another 2 weeks passed, i messaged her again, and the dad returned it.
they mostly continued to ignore us in the months that followed, until they finally stopped, and started chatting to us again as if nothing had happened. two weeks later, the daughter messaged my girlfriend to borrow the camera again. my girlfriend ignored her, and then a week later, the mother messaged her, saying it was for a school project and urgent.
i replied to the mother and refused, and now they've gone back to ignoring us. don't get me wrong, i really don't feel i'm the asshole here, but my girlfriend was enjoying the peace, so i'm hoping to just prove to her that these are not the kind of people we should be associating with.
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vhndar/aita_for_not_wanting_to_again_borrow_a_camera_to/
|
2022-06-21 20:56:10
|
nta the mom and daughter where definitely going to keep the camera, the dad stopped it don’t lend it a second time
|
nta. borrowing things, especially expensive things, isn’t a given. if she had returned it on time or communicated with you at the 6 week mark, i imagine your answer might be different. however, she abused the privilege and you are not obligated to do her any favors. at this point, it has been more than a few months, and the hobby is no longer a passing fancy. perhaps her family should look into purchasing her a camera for her hobby rather than being rude to neighbors. i would hold your ground on this one.
|
nta. they're treating your good will and extremely expensive equipment like it's a library asset that they can check out whenever they'd like.
|
nta- say, look, i was glad to do this under a specific set of agreements which you did not honor. so, at this point, i would have that same concern again that my equipment would not be available to me when i need it. i am not responsible for your school projects, but i am responsible for my work projects and i cannot depend on you not to interfere with my work projects because you do not live up to your agreements. besides, to be honest, when you had the camera, your attitude towards us changed very much and it was noticeable. i feel as though you took advantage of our generosity with expensive equipment without so much as a thank you or an apology when you failed to live up to your agreement. so learn the lesson- the next time you have access to something like that- you should honor and respect it or you may not have access to it any more.
|
you're not borrowing the camera, you're lending it lol. but nta. you were nice once, it's your camera and you don't have to lend it again if you don't want to. they should get their own.
|
nta, lending expensive gear for 6 weeks was already generous enough and they still ignored you then... now they're doing it again lol
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this story is quite simply. last year, my girlfriend and i moved into a new place. we got friendly with our neighbours pretty quickly, as they seemed like genuinely kind people. a few months after we moved in, we were exchanging pleasantries, and it came up that their 16-year-old daughter was very interested in photography. my girlfriend and i are both professional photographers, and we manage a rather large team, therefore, we have a lot of spare camera bodies, lenses, etc. knowing what gear costs, and knowing that her new interest might very well just be a phase, i offered to borrow her one of my canon 5ds, a lens, and some basic accessories. they accepted this gratefully. my only t&c was that, in about 6 weeks, we had a particularly busy weekend coming up, so i was going to need all my spare gear, so she was to please return it before then. after she borrowed the gear, their attitude towards us completely changed, and i mean completely. the dad was still nice enough, but the mom and daughter started ignoring us completely, to such a degree that they would look the other way if they saw us on the street. the 6-weeks came and went, and nothing was returned. about a month after that, i messaged the daughter telling her i need it back. she kinda brushed me off and said she'll bring it back in a week. another 2 weeks passed, i messaged her again, and the dad returned it. they mostly continued to ignore us in the months that followed, until they finally stopped, and started chatting to us again as if nothing had happened. two weeks later, the daughter messaged my girlfriend to borrow the camera again. my girlfriend ignored her, and then a week later, the mother messaged her, saying it was for a school project and urgent. i replied to the mother and refused, and now they've gone back to ignoring us. don't get me wrong, i really don't feel i'm the asshole here, but my girlfriend was enjoying the peace, so i'm hoping to just prove to her that these are not the kind of people we should be associating with.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this story is quite simply. last year, my girlfriend and i moved into a new place. we got friendly with our neighbours pretty quickly, as they seemed like genuinely kind people. a few months after we moved in, we were exchanging pleasantries, and it came up that their 16-year-old daughter was very interested in photography. my girlfriend and i are both professional photographers, and we manage a rather large team, therefore, we have a lot of spare camera bodies, lenses, etc. knowing what gear costs, and knowing that her new interest might very well just be a phase, i offered to borrow her one of my canon 5ds, a lens, and some basic accessories. they accepted this gratefully. my only t&c was that, in about 6 weeks, we had a particularly busy weekend coming up, so i was going to need all my spare gear, so she was to please return it before then. after she borrowed the gear, their attitude towards us completely changed, and i mean completely. the dad was still nice enough, but the mom and daughter started ignoring us completely, to such a degree that they would look the other way if they saw us on the street. the 6-weeks came and went, and nothing was returned. about a month after that, i messaged the daughter telling her i need it back. she kinda brushed me off and said she'll bring it back in a week. another 2 weeks passed, i messaged her again, and the dad returned it. they mostly continued to ignore us in the months that followed, until they finally stopped, and started chatting to us again as if nothing had happened. two weeks later, the daughter messaged my girlfriend to borrow the camera again. my girlfriend ignored her, and then a week later, the mother messaged her, saying it was for a school project and urgent. i replied to the mother and refused, and now they've gone back to ignoring us. don't get me wrong, i really don't feel i'm the asshole here, but my girlfriend was enjoying the peace, so i'm hoping to just prove to her that these are not the kind of people we should be associating with. [/INST] nta the mom and daughter where definitely going to keep the camera, the dad stopped it don’t lend it a second time </s>
|
AITA for wanting just chicken in my soup?
|
a few days ago my boyfriend made me soup with veggies and chicken, i got a really small bowl of soup just to see if it was good and then i decided i wanted seconds, but instead of getting everything from the soup i wanted to just get some soup and chicken.
the thing is, his sister saw me getting just chicken and made a comment in her language about how i was only getting chicken to her mom. i didn’t understand her at the time, but my bf told me what she said and her comment made me feel really uncomfortable. it made me feel like she was complaining about me to her mom.
i don’t really eat a lot of stuff at their house because i already feel like i’m free loading. my boyfriend sided with his sister because that was the way he was raised i guess. i didn’t think getting 4 extra small pieces of chicken and some soup would be such a big deal. i’ve never had anyone tell me i couldn’t just have chicken and that i had to eat everything else that came with it.
i’d also like to mention that i’ve been living with them for a few months and they aren’t rich by any means but i just didn’t expect them to comment about me getting a four small pieces of extra chicken. my bf says it feels like i’m taking away food from the rest of the family if i only get chicken but i don’t see how i’m in the wrong here. he’s telling me that if i want seconds i can’t get just get chicken i have to get everything else but i don’t really see the point of getting everything else if i don’t want to eat anything else. so am i the asshole for getting 4 extra pieces of chicken after having a small bowl of soup?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cvhegd/aita_for_wanting_just_chicken_in_my_soup/
|
2019-08-26 01:32:00
|
yta. the chicken is the premium ingredient in soup like this, and by picking pieces out of it specifically, you're throwing off the proportions for everyone else. it's like getting a scoop of cookie dough ice cream and then picking out the remaining pieces of cookie dough from the surface of the carton. that leaves a lower quality experience for the next person. the context is also important, that you're in your boyfriend's family home. i realize you've been there a while, but it's better to err on the side of being polite.
|
yta. i seriously just had to explain to my 10 year old why we don’t pick just marshmallows out of the lucky charms. but then, he’s 10.
|
yta and you sound quite immature and defensive in your comments. it wasn’t like you had chicken as an entree with vegetables and sauce on the side; they were all in one dish, therefore it is quite *assholish* to pick through the dish and pull out only part of the meal. if you were given a serving of a casserole and picked *out* an ingredient you didn’t like (like mushrooms for example) that’s different because it’s not the main ingredient, and it doesn’t deprive anyone else of a portion. the meal was chicken soup, not vegetable soup.
|
you know your bf [reddits here too](https://old.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/cvegz7/aita_for_telling_my_gf_not_to_get_extra_chicken/)?
nta
|
yta. you're messing up the ratio of their food
|
yta from reading your boyfriends post it's apparent his family aren't well off and have opened their home to you in your time of need. you say 4 pieces of chicken however your boyfriend says it was more than that, either way you don't contribute to the house and should follow thier rules. it is absolutely an arsehole thing to do, why should you be able to make your self a bowl of just chicken and take that away from everyone else's meal.
|
yta. it is considered rude to pick out the meat in a shared dish, like picking out pieces of beef in a beef and broccoli dish. even if they’re small pieces, it comes off as juvenile and it throws off the proportions of the dish.
|
yta. you're turning their chicken and veggie soup into just veggie soup.
it's never a good sign when i'm reminded of eric cartman. [https://twitter.com/comedycentral/status/1015276690061262848?lang=en](https://twitter.com/comedycentral/status/1015276690061262848?lang=en)
|
yta. you need to be aware of the cultural norms of the house you are living in. maybe get off reddit and sit down with him, his siblings, and mom and show that you want to better understand their culture and be respectful of it.
his post explained it just as well as yours. you keep pointing out the 4 pieces of chicken. well, in that house and maybe in that culture, it has more significant meaning than in yours. there are probably some others things besides soup where this might come up.
|
sorry but yta here. you can't pick through a soup intended for everyone in the family and take the most expensive ingredient for yourself. if you don't like how they make their food, make your own.
if they don't think its insignificant and actually mentioned it to you, you should take that as a learning experience.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.024 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a few days ago my boyfriend made me soup with veggies and chicken, i got a really small bowl of soup just to see if it was good and then i decided i wanted seconds, but instead of getting everything from the soup i wanted to just get some soup and chicken. the thing is, his sister saw me getting just chicken and made a comment in her language about how i was only getting chicken to her mom. i didn’t understand her at the time, but my bf told me what she said and her comment made me feel really uncomfortable. it made me feel like she was complaining about me to her mom. i don’t really eat a lot of stuff at their house because i already feel like i’m free loading. my boyfriend sided with his sister because that was the way he was raised i guess. i didn’t think getting 4 extra small pieces of chicken and some soup would be such a big deal. i’ve never had anyone tell me i couldn’t just have chicken and that i had to eat everything else that came with it. i’d also like to mention that i’ve been living with them for a few months and they aren’t rich by any means but i just didn’t expect them to comment about me getting a four small pieces of extra chicken. my bf says it feels like i’m taking away food from the rest of the family if i only get chicken but i don’t see how i’m in the wrong here. he’s telling me that if i want seconds i can’t get just get chicken i have to get everything else but i don’t really see the point of getting everything else if i don’t want to eat anything else. so am i the asshole for getting 4 extra pieces of chicken after having a small bowl of soup?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a few days ago my boyfriend made me soup with veggies and chicken, i got a really small bowl of soup just to see if it was good and then i decided i wanted seconds, but instead of getting everything from the soup i wanted to just get some soup and chicken. the thing is, his sister saw me getting just chicken and made a comment in her language about how i was only getting chicken to her mom. i didn’t understand her at the time, but my bf told me what she said and her comment made me feel really uncomfortable. it made me feel like she was complaining about me to her mom. i don’t really eat a lot of stuff at their house because i already feel like i’m free loading. my boyfriend sided with his sister because that was the way he was raised i guess. i didn’t think getting 4 extra small pieces of chicken and some soup would be such a big deal. i’ve never had anyone tell me i couldn’t just have chicken and that i had to eat everything else that came with it. i’d also like to mention that i’ve been living with them for a few months and they aren’t rich by any means but i just didn’t expect them to comment about me getting a four small pieces of extra chicken. my bf says it feels like i’m taking away food from the rest of the family if i only get chicken but i don’t see how i’m in the wrong here. he’s telling me that if i want seconds i can’t get just get chicken i have to get everything else but i don’t really see the point of getting everything else if i don’t want to eat anything else. so am i the asshole for getting 4 extra pieces of chicken after having a small bowl of soup? [/INST] yta. the chicken is the premium ingredient in soup like this, and by picking pieces out of it specifically, you're throwing off the proportions for everyone else. it's like getting a scoop of cookie dough ice cream and then picking out the remaining pieces of cookie dough from the surface of the carton. that leaves a lower quality experience for the next person. the context is also important, that you're in your boyfriend's family home. i realize you've been there a while, but it's better to err on the side of being polite. </s>
|
AITA: refusing to see my dad because my stepmom is crazy
|
so basically starting in august of 2021 i went with my dad to meet his new gf, we will call her r. well, prior to meeting his gf my dad gave my socials to her two daughters and her daughters friend. when i went to r's house, i told a one of the daughters friends. she wanted to come over to meet me, and r let her. i am also a girl and lets just say we are more than friends now. anyways, fast forward to november i decided to have a " sleepover " with a. (keep in mind i am not out of the closet yet at this point and everyone thinks were just friends) well r finds out and comes to a's house beating on doors and windows and cussing. l, r's daughter, also sends some pretty explicit messages. i didnt talk to them for a while after that but we eventually resolved it. moving on to january, some pretty personal things happened causing me to move in with my dad for a while, and a rule they gave me was i couldnt speak or see a. i thought it was pretty ridiculous and talked to a anyways. well. one night my stepmom (r) thinks its a good idea to go through my phone whilst im sleeping. and finds me and a's messages. this causes a huge argument the next day and i end up moving back in with my mom. (my mom knows about me and a) my mom lets me stay with a for a night since i was pretty sad over everything and my stepmom and stepsister find out and its like shit hit the fan. my stepmom has somehow turned my dad and his whole side of the family against me. so, aita for refusing to see my dad because my stepmom is crazy?
side note: r didn't care for my safety or think a was a bad influence because she still allowed her daughter to text a. she was simply homophobic.
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u8d7j4/aita_refusing_to_see_my_dad_because_my_stepmom_is/
|
2022-04-21 02:36:24
|
nta. you are young enough that sleepovers with romantic partners are a little premature and maybe stepmom wasn't overreacting, particularly if you lied about where you were, but you do not need to be around homophobic people, even if they are your parents or family.
|
"side note: r didn't care for my safety or think a was a bad influence because she still allowed her daughter to text a. she was simply homophobic"
then don't you already have your answer?
|
nta, your stepmom has no say since you are not her child. however if you can try to stay with your mom full time. your stepmom is a overbearing boundary stomping person.
|
nta. so you are dating you step-sister? or am i not getting the post?
|
so, the daughter is allowed to speak with a and you're not? this is so weird.
nta. be with your mom, you are obviously more comfortable there and are able to have an open and honest relationship with her. you should be able to talk to your parents, and you aren't getting that from dad and stepmom.
|
nta. keep your distance from step-monster and dad
|
nta. “r” massively overstepped on several fronts.
one of the reasons why stepparents are generally discouraged from taking on an active “disciplinarian” role in their stepchildren’s lives is that, because they may not have the same empathy and bond with their stepchildren compared to children of their own, they can become excessively harsh and punitive, turning the child into a scapegoat for all of the family problems. while this is less likely in cases where the stepparent has been involved in the child’s life since a very young age, it’s a significant issue for kids and teens with new stepparent relationships, and it’s primarily up to the biological parent to set and enforce boundaries with their partner to prevent this from happening.
your stepmother is controlling and intolerant of you due to your sexual orientation; her actions and reactions to you show that she doesn’t act out of a care or concern for your safety or wellbeing, but from a desire to control you, likely deriving a level of satisfaction from making you suffer.
i personally think that, yes - you’re a bit young to be staying the night with a romantic partner at fifteen, mainly because you’re not even old enough to drive yourself to each other’s (parent’s) houses, let alone capable of having independent lives and relationships since you aren’t even out of the house yet.
that being said, there’s a huge difference between having reasonable rules for a teenager living in your house, and forbidding them from communicating or having relationships with people at all; not to mention the crazy behavior that goes along with trying to enforce unrealistic rules like this.
you stepmom isn’t doing these things with your best interest at heart - and thus, she shouldn’t be allowed to do them at all. your father has let you down by failing to see the inappropriateness of his partner’s actions towards you, and further failing to intervene and protect you, his daughter.
it sounds like things with mom may not always be peachy either, but i’d make it clear to your father and stepmother (with your mother’s help/support, if possible) that until she demonstrates the willingness and ability to respect you as a person, and your father the willingness and ability to ensure that this respect and safety is maintained, that you won’t be voluntarily putting yourself in an environment where your relationships and actions are vilified and controlled, simply due to them being an extension of you.
| null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so basically starting in august of 2021 i went with my dad to meet his new gf, we will call her r. well, prior to meeting his gf my dad gave my socials to her two daughters and her daughters friend. when i went to r's house, i told a one of the daughters friends. she wanted to come over to meet me, and r let her. i am also a girl and lets just say we are more than friends now. anyways, fast forward to november i decided to have a " sleepover " with a. (keep in mind i am not out of the closet yet at this point and everyone thinks were just friends) well r finds out and comes to a's house beating on doors and windows and cussing. l, r's daughter, also sends some pretty explicit messages. i didnt talk to them for a while after that but we eventually resolved it. moving on to january, some pretty personal things happened causing me to move in with my dad for a while, and a rule they gave me was i couldnt speak or see a. i thought it was pretty ridiculous and talked to a anyways. well. one night my stepmom (r) thinks its a good idea to go through my phone whilst im sleeping. and finds me and a's messages. this causes a huge argument the next day and i end up moving back in with my mom. (my mom knows about me and a) my mom lets me stay with a for a night since i was pretty sad over everything and my stepmom and stepsister find out and its like shit hit the fan. my stepmom has somehow turned my dad and his whole side of the family against me. so, aita for refusing to see my dad because my stepmom is crazy? side note: r didn't care for my safety or think a was a bad influence because she still allowed her daughter to text a. she was simply homophobic.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so basically starting in august of 2021 i went with my dad to meet his new gf, we will call her r. well, prior to meeting his gf my dad gave my socials to her two daughters and her daughters friend. when i went to r's house, i told a one of the daughters friends. she wanted to come over to meet me, and r let her. i am also a girl and lets just say we are more than friends now. anyways, fast forward to november i decided to have a " sleepover " with a. (keep in mind i am not out of the closet yet at this point and everyone thinks were just friends) well r finds out and comes to a's house beating on doors and windows and cussing. l, r's daughter, also sends some pretty explicit messages. i didnt talk to them for a while after that but we eventually resolved it. moving on to january, some pretty personal things happened causing me to move in with my dad for a while, and a rule they gave me was i couldnt speak or see a. i thought it was pretty ridiculous and talked to a anyways. well. one night my stepmom (r) thinks its a good idea to go through my phone whilst im sleeping. and finds me and a's messages. this causes a huge argument the next day and i end up moving back in with my mom. (my mom knows about me and a) my mom lets me stay with a for a night since i was pretty sad over everything and my stepmom and stepsister find out and its like shit hit the fan. my stepmom has somehow turned my dad and his whole side of the family against me. so, aita for refusing to see my dad because my stepmom is crazy? side note: r didn't care for my safety or think a was a bad influence because she still allowed her daughter to text a. she was simply homophobic. [/INST] nta. you are young enough that sleepovers with romantic partners are a little premature and maybe stepmom wasn't overreacting, particularly if you lied about where you were, but you do not need to be around homophobic people, even if they are your parents or family. </s>
|
AITA for taking my drunk friend home during a party?
|
i (17f) decided to have a small “party” at my house with 4 friends from college who were planning to stay the night(all 17f). we were drinking, and this was planned, we had a bottle of malibu so we either mixed with pineapple juice or a jug mojito mix i made earlier. but we all poured our own alcohol, and nobody was planning on getting drunk. (and don’t worry, it’s legal to drink at 17 on a private property where i live)
one of the girls brought shot glasses and her own drink, and ended up getting really drunk. she wasn’t acting right and didn’t have much awareness and me and the girls didn’t want to have to babysit her for the rest of the night making sure she didn’t do something stupid. so i called a trusted friend to drive us and sat in the back with her and dropped her off at her house within her parents.
she’s now mad at us, particularly me, that we sent her home and her parents saw her drunk and all that. she said we could have just waited until she calmed down and we didn’t have to exclude her. aita?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nv5tvk/aita_for_taking_my_drunk_friend_home_during_a/
|
2021-06-08 14:51:45
|
nta. you made sure she got home safe. you didn't do anything wrong no matter how much she kicks off about it.
|
nta. you made sure she was looked after and not left alone. she's just mad at how you went about taking care of her since it wasn't the outcome ***she*** wanted.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. the rest of you shouldn’t have to miss out because she overdid it, or be responsible in case she needed medical attention.
|
nta
she could have been a huge liability if she did something stupid. might even be something she can sue you for if she got hurt, depending on your state.
great job on how you handled it.
|
nta. you did the right thing, 100%. she could have controlled how much she drank if she didn’t want to be taken home to her parents, or “excluded” by you and your friends
|
nta.
would she have preferred it if you all let her keep drinking until she gave herself alcohol poisoning? or drink until she puked and choked to death? or just made a colossal fool of herself?
you were being a good friend and a good person and that's the thanks she gives you?! what an ungrateful little so-and-so.
no good deed really does go unpunished.
|
nta
>she said we could have just waited until she calmed down and we didn’t have to exclude her.
didn't seem like she was going to calm down without someone intervening
|
nta. she's looking to blame you for *her* irresponsible behavior. you and your friends acted in a mature manner considering the situation. she's not taking accountability for her poor decision, as evident by her being mad at you. she's allowed to be mad at the situation but to point her anger *towards* you is misplaced. you acted in the best interest of your friend, even if she doesn't see it that way right now. i hope she comes around to viewing it like that in the future, but you definitely keep being confident in your decisions; they are sound. 👍
|
tough one but nta. and only tough because as someone with super strict parents, if my friends did that to me my social life would have been completely canceled. i’d have no ability to ever go out past 8pm ever again.
but i communicated beforehand that i’d be dead if ever caught by my parents and i made sure to not need to be such a mess that i’d cause trouble for anyone.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (17f) decided to have a small “party” at my house with 4 friends from college who were planning to stay the night(all 17f). we were drinking, and this was planned, we had a bottle of malibu so we either mixed with pineapple juice or a jug mojito mix i made earlier. but we all poured our own alcohol, and nobody was planning on getting drunk. (and don’t worry, it’s legal to drink at 17 on a private property where i live) one of the girls brought shot glasses and her own drink, and ended up getting really drunk. she wasn’t acting right and didn’t have much awareness and me and the girls didn’t want to have to babysit her for the rest of the night making sure she didn’t do something stupid. so i called a trusted friend to drive us and sat in the back with her and dropped her off at her house within her parents. she’s now mad at us, particularly me, that we sent her home and her parents saw her drunk and all that. she said we could have just waited until she calmed down and we didn’t have to exclude her. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (17f) decided to have a small “party” at my house with 4 friends from college who were planning to stay the night(all 17f). we were drinking, and this was planned, we had a bottle of malibu so we either mixed with pineapple juice or a jug mojito mix i made earlier. but we all poured our own alcohol, and nobody was planning on getting drunk. (and don’t worry, it’s legal to drink at 17 on a private property where i live) one of the girls brought shot glasses and her own drink, and ended up getting really drunk. she wasn’t acting right and didn’t have much awareness and me and the girls didn’t want to have to babysit her for the rest of the night making sure she didn’t do something stupid. so i called a trusted friend to drive us and sat in the back with her and dropped her off at her house within her parents. she’s now mad at us, particularly me, that we sent her home and her parents saw her drunk and all that. she said we could have just waited until she calmed down and we didn’t have to exclude her. aita? [/INST] nta. you made sure she got home safe. you didn't do anything wrong no matter how much she kicks off about it. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to be friends with people who ditched my birthday party?
|
so it’s my birthday and last night i threw a party for it. i made a facebook event page a month ago and bought snacks and food. 12 people rsvp’d they were coming. one person came... two of my friends got so drunk earlier that they couldn’t come (one was vomiting the other didn’t want to get an uber). neither of them or 9 other people let me know they couldn’t come. specifically one friend went to someone else’s party that was two hours after mine, after i texted her that i was upset she said she already promised the other person she would spend their birthday with them but forgot. this isn’t the first time she’s been a shitty friend to me. i cancelled plans with her and no longer want to be friends. would this make me an asshole? i know some people would probably think it’s dumb to throw a friendship away but at this point i consider us friends at a very base level and this might be the last straw for me.
i’ve always been very afraid something like this would happen and i’ve been crying for hours. this is validating all of the fears i’ve tried to work on that no one actually likes me and they don’t consider me important or as good of a friend as i do them. i always seem to make friends with people who hurt me.
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bkufb9/aita_for_not_wanting_to_be_friends_with_people/
|
2019-05-05 05:51:11
|
nta you clarified that you made a notice a month ago and people rsvp’d for it only to be too drunk or “forget about it” which shows they’re not true friends in the first place. sorry buddy and happy birthday! this is one of the biggest reasons i don’t have birthday parties ever since i have ^no^friends
|
nta.
happy birthday!
obviously your feelings are valid. you threw a party, people rsvped but didn't show up. that shows how shitty they are.
by the way, how old are you? this may sound absurd but i would suggest that you change your perspective on birthdays a little bit. instead of throwing a party, maybe try to do something else like treating yourself.
don't depend on others actions for your happiness. because no matter how good we are to them, they can be shitty to us.
|
nta
oh god i refuse to throw myself a birthday party because i’m terrified this is how it would turn out for me. you just lived my nightmare and i’m so sorry. i think that maybe cutting them off is a little extreme because i don’t think they really thought their actions through and realized what this what mean to you- they weren’t being malicious, just thoughtless and possibly selfish. there’s a chance this could be a wake up call for them. but at the same time, if you do cut them off, it doesn’t really sound like you’d be losing very valuable friendships, and you could find better friends somewhere else. but it’s up to you. happy birthday, wishing you better things to come your way!
|
[deleted]
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so it’s my birthday and last night i threw a party for it. i made a facebook event page a month ago and bought snacks and food. 12 people rsvp’d they were coming. one person came... two of my friends got so drunk earlier that they couldn’t come (one was vomiting the other didn’t want to get an uber). neither of them or 9 other people let me know they couldn’t come. specifically one friend went to someone else’s party that was two hours after mine, after i texted her that i was upset she said she already promised the other person she would spend their birthday with them but forgot. this isn’t the first time she’s been a shitty friend to me. i cancelled plans with her and no longer want to be friends. would this make me an asshole? i know some people would probably think it’s dumb to throw a friendship away but at this point i consider us friends at a very base level and this might be the last straw for me. i’ve always been very afraid something like this would happen and i’ve been crying for hours. this is validating all of the fears i’ve tried to work on that no one actually likes me and they don’t consider me important or as good of a friend as i do them. i always seem to make friends with people who hurt me.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so it’s my birthday and last night i threw a party for it. i made a facebook event page a month ago and bought snacks and food. 12 people rsvp’d they were coming. one person came... two of my friends got so drunk earlier that they couldn’t come (one was vomiting the other didn’t want to get an uber). neither of them or 9 other people let me know they couldn’t come. specifically one friend went to someone else’s party that was two hours after mine, after i texted her that i was upset she said she already promised the other person she would spend their birthday with them but forgot. this isn’t the first time she’s been a shitty friend to me. i cancelled plans with her and no longer want to be friends. would this make me an asshole? i know some people would probably think it’s dumb to throw a friendship away but at this point i consider us friends at a very base level and this might be the last straw for me. i’ve always been very afraid something like this would happen and i’ve been crying for hours. this is validating all of the fears i’ve tried to work on that no one actually likes me and they don’t consider me important or as good of a friend as i do them. i always seem to make friends with people who hurt me. [/INST] nta you clarified that you made a notice a month ago and people rsvp’d for it only to be too drunk or “forget about it” which shows they’re not true friends in the first place. sorry buddy and happy birthday! this is one of the biggest reasons i don’t have birthday parties ever since i have ^no^friends </s>
|
AITA for not inviting my friend?
|
obligatory i'm on mobile and this happened about a week ago but i'm still stewing over it.
all people are 30 years old, for context.
my boyfriend and i went on a short vacation to a concert and a few museums last weekend in a city about 2 hours from home. he paid for most of the trip to treat me to a little break before my gruelling 12-month internship began on monday.
on this trip he asked what i wanted to do, and i requested we go to a particular exhibit at the museum that i've wanted to see for years now. here's where i run into the problem.. my best friend since high school has mentioned wanting to see this exhibit for a while now. she wanted me to go with her this summer but our weekends never lined up, or i couldn't afford it, etc. so we never went.
when she learned about our vacation, she told us to let her know our plans because she wanted to meet us there. but...i didn't want her there. this was just a weekend getaway for my boyfriend and i to decompress. i love my friend and she's fun to be around but she can be very obnoxious and exhausting for me, as an introvert.
when she saw the pictures of our trip she flipped out. got very angry with me for not inviting her to meet us there, saying "now i see where your priorities are, i'm just not inviting you to anything anymore" etc etc.
i don't feel like i should have to justify our plans for a trip without her, but i feel guilty because she is still my best friend. we haven't spoken to each other since the weekend.
aita?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oyfd8f/aita_for_not_inviting_my_friend/
|
2021-08-05 11:13:16
|
esh.
you should have been honest with her and she should have not flipped out.
|
nta - you’re allowed to do things with only your boyfriend and your friend kind of needs to grow up a little bit.
|
soft yta - if she is really a friend, why didn't you just let her know, that you wanted this one to just be the two of you? understandable, she is feeling a little betrayed, when she has to find out over social media, no?
but as she is a friend most likely, it's nothing, you couldn't solve with a call or over a cup of tea.
|
esh.
just tell stuff like this beforehand. why did you not tell her, but also being totally honest to her, that you want to spent this weekend with your boyfriend only?
and her reaction is. well. speaks for itself.
i'm pretty sure, that if you would have approached her like this "hey, i need to tell you something, but hope you understand it. my boyfriend and me plan to go to this place, you really wanted to go with me. i never planned it, but he did. but we really want to spend the time alone together. i never intented to go alone or plan something like this without you. i really hope you don't get mad at me or something like that. but he planned this as a romantic weekend. i feel bad for going there without you.", that there wouldn't have been a drama at all. everybody would understand that you wanted to be alone with your boyfriend - especially your best friend. she would even have encouraged you to have fun and not to worry about her at all. 100%.
completely avoidable situation, yet you somehow fucked it up. she is your friend, damnit. you should have known how she would react if she sees it afterwards. feels to her as if you did it on purpose and as if you betrayed her. completely understandable that she would get mad.
apologize for net telling it to her, but also make clear that this was a romantic trip and it had nothing to do with her on a personal level. that's it. don't throw your friendship over silly stuff like this.
|
esh. you should have been honest with her about letting her know you didn’t want her there, rather than letting her find out. of course she’ll be mad when she finds out.
|
nta. she’s very immature.
|
nta
couples go out for romantic get aways. your "friend" seems extremely jealous and manipulitive. hopefully she'll get over herself and realize she's being ridiculous.
your allowed to go out with your boyfriend without her. her claiming she won't invite you anywhere anymore is childish. she sounds exhausting. maybe you actually dodged a bullet with this one.
|
i'm just going to add..
1) she and i never made plans to go. but she is used to me just saying "okay" and doing what she wants because that's been our dynamic since grade 9.
2)emphasis on my boyfriend paying for and planning this trip. she absolutely would have been a third wheel.
3) she just returned from a week-long trip where she complained about how much money she spent and was "soo broke" - i figured she'd be working overtime to make up for it, not looking for more ways to spend money.
i do understand i should have laid it out for her that this was a one-on-one trip and apologized in advance for seeing this exhibit without her. i just assumed, being 30 years old, that wasn't necessary; but that was my mistake.
| null | null |
ESH
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0.707603 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: obligatory i'm on mobile and this happened about a week ago but i'm still stewing over it. all people are 30 years old, for context. my boyfriend and i went on a short vacation to a concert and a few museums last weekend in a city about 2 hours from home. he paid for most of the trip to treat me to a little break before my gruelling 12-month internship began on monday. on this trip he asked what i wanted to do, and i requested we go to a particular exhibit at the museum that i've wanted to see for years now. here's where i run into the problem.. my best friend since high school has mentioned wanting to see this exhibit for a while now. she wanted me to go with her this summer but our weekends never lined up, or i couldn't afford it, etc. so we never went. when she learned about our vacation, she told us to let her know our plans because she wanted to meet us there. but...i didn't want her there. this was just a weekend getaway for my boyfriend and i to decompress. i love my friend and she's fun to be around but she can be very obnoxious and exhausting for me, as an introvert. when she saw the pictures of our trip she flipped out. got very angry with me for not inviting her to meet us there, saying "now i see where your priorities are, i'm just not inviting you to anything anymore" etc etc. i don't feel like i should have to justify our plans for a trip without her, but i feel guilty because she is still my best friend. we haven't spoken to each other since the weekend. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
obligatory i'm on mobile and this happened about a week ago but i'm still stewing over it. all people are 30 years old, for context. my boyfriend and i went on a short vacation to a concert and a few museums last weekend in a city about 2 hours from home. he paid for most of the trip to treat me to a little break before my gruelling 12-month internship began on monday. on this trip he asked what i wanted to do, and i requested we go to a particular exhibit at the museum that i've wanted to see for years now. here's where i run into the problem.. my best friend since high school has mentioned wanting to see this exhibit for a while now. she wanted me to go with her this summer but our weekends never lined up, or i couldn't afford it, etc. so we never went. when she learned about our vacation, she told us to let her know our plans because she wanted to meet us there. but...i didn't want her there. this was just a weekend getaway for my boyfriend and i to decompress. i love my friend and she's fun to be around but she can be very obnoxious and exhausting for me, as an introvert. when she saw the pictures of our trip she flipped out. got very angry with me for not inviting her to meet us there, saying "now i see where your priorities are, i'm just not inviting you to anything anymore" etc etc. i don't feel like i should have to justify our plans for a trip without her, but i feel guilty because she is still my best friend. we haven't spoken to each other since the weekend. aita? [/INST] esh. you should have been honest with her and she should have not flipped out. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to let my mom visit me in inpatient treatment?
|
background information: i (23 f) was diagnosed with anorexia, anxiety and ptsd in 2019 at the age of 19 and was promptly admitted to an inpatient treatment center for people with eating disorders and spent 2 months at this stage of treatment. i had undiagnosed anorexia since i was in kindergarten due to being in the modeling industry since the age of 3, and undiagnosed ptsd since the age of 16 for similar reasons.
my mom and i don’t have the best relationship because she refused to acknowledge my mental health issues and we lived in different states at the time. my mom, dad, and brother went to visit my grandparents on thanksgiving while i was in treatment and they were less than an hour away from the facility where i was at.
this is where i think i may have been the ah.
i told my dad and brother they could come visit me during visiting hours while they were close by but i told my mom she could not come (with help and support from my therapist). she was so upset that she told my dad and brother they were not aloud to go unless i let her come too.
long story short: i told my mom she would not be aloud in the building and then blocked her from my phone (which i only got for two hours a day). my dad and brother visited me two times.
i left her number blocked and told my dad that i refused to talk to her unless she got therapy for herself.
it’s 3 years later and my mom and my relationship is okay. but she still makes slide remarks about how the length of time i wasn’t talking to her was the most depressed she had ever been and how thanksgiving is such a hard time for her. this happens at least once a month and it feels like she’s trying to guilt me into feeling bad for her when i was at my absolute worst.
aita for refusing to let her visit me in treatment, not feeling bad for her, and wishing i could go back to no contact?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mjzn2h/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_mom_visit_me_in/
|
2021-04-04 16:34:56
|
nta - she was a triggering person to be around and your therapist agreed. she’s in the wrong for being consistently mean to you. especially since then you’ve gotten closer to her. also, shouldn’t that time of year be worst for you since ya know your mental health was severe enough to be an inpatient at a facility.
|
nta. you are allowed say “why are you bringing this up?” and then just look her in the eye for a moment. if she presses it you can say “my relationship with you was bad for my mental health. i will always cut people out if they are a bad part of my life.” don’t over-talk about it, just stay simple and firm. good luck!
|
nta. your mom is a huge gaping asshole. your recovery and well being is your priority. when she starts to guilt you leave. she will figure it out eventually. i am proud of you for getting the help you need.
|
nta! from my personal experience, she’s probably never gonna stop talking about it but your mental health is more important than her personal comfort. and if she doesn’t stop talking about it and making you feel guilty, you’d be perfectly well within your rights to block her again and tell her that you won’t talk to her till she gets some therapy. you are not wrong, no matter what she tells you about it.
|
nta. tell her if she brings the subject up again she'll find out nc feels at (insert present time of year). and then tell her to talk to her therapist about it.
|
nta. you gotta do what you feel is best especially at such a vulnerable time in your life. if she truly cared about you she would not have made a fuss and would not be making comments now, years later.
|
nta at all. you had a serious, potentially dangerous illness, and needed to help yourself heal. your therapist understood that, which is why your therapist supported you and helped you.
your mother is being extremely self-centered and immature. i speak from firsthand experience. my own adult son has ptsd and other issues, and from time to time, needs to take a break from me as a sort of 'reset.' i mean, he tells me and gives me the heads up so i don't worry about him, and though i'm not the cause of the ptsd, i can see it helps him and it works.
i 100% support this. he has to do whatever it is that will make him feel better. as his mother, i love him and want him to be whole and healthy and happy with his life. your own mother was unfortunately more concerned about her own childishly hurt feelings - which were never about her per se anyway - and even now can't let go. she's just making it worse. i'm sorry you're going through this.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: background information: i (23 f) was diagnosed with anorexia, anxiety and ptsd in 2019 at the age of 19 and was promptly admitted to an inpatient treatment center for people with eating disorders and spent 2 months at this stage of treatment. i had undiagnosed anorexia since i was in kindergarten due to being in the modeling industry since the age of 3, and undiagnosed ptsd since the age of 16 for similar reasons. my mom and i don’t have the best relationship because she refused to acknowledge my mental health issues and we lived in different states at the time. my mom, dad, and brother went to visit my grandparents on thanksgiving while i was in treatment and they were less than an hour away from the facility where i was at. this is where i think i may have been the ah. i told my dad and brother they could come visit me during visiting hours while they were close by but i told my mom she could not come (with help and support from my therapist). she was so upset that she told my dad and brother they were not aloud to go unless i let her come too. long story short: i told my mom she would not be aloud in the building and then blocked her from my phone (which i only got for two hours a day). my dad and brother visited me two times. i left her number blocked and told my dad that i refused to talk to her unless she got therapy for herself. it’s 3 years later and my mom and my relationship is okay. but she still makes slide remarks about how the length of time i wasn’t talking to her was the most depressed she had ever been and how thanksgiving is such a hard time for her. this happens at least once a month and it feels like she’s trying to guilt me into feeling bad for her when i was at my absolute worst. aita for refusing to let her visit me in treatment, not feeling bad for her, and wishing i could go back to no contact?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
background information: i (23 f) was diagnosed with anorexia, anxiety and ptsd in 2019 at the age of 19 and was promptly admitted to an inpatient treatment center for people with eating disorders and spent 2 months at this stage of treatment. i had undiagnosed anorexia since i was in kindergarten due to being in the modeling industry since the age of 3, and undiagnosed ptsd since the age of 16 for similar reasons. my mom and i don’t have the best relationship because she refused to acknowledge my mental health issues and we lived in different states at the time. my mom, dad, and brother went to visit my grandparents on thanksgiving while i was in treatment and they were less than an hour away from the facility where i was at. this is where i think i may have been the ah. i told my dad and brother they could come visit me during visiting hours while they were close by but i told my mom she could not come (with help and support from my therapist). she was so upset that she told my dad and brother they were not aloud to go unless i let her come too. long story short: i told my mom she would not be aloud in the building and then blocked her from my phone (which i only got for two hours a day). my dad and brother visited me two times. i left her number blocked and told my dad that i refused to talk to her unless she got therapy for herself. it’s 3 years later and my mom and my relationship is okay. but she still makes slide remarks about how the length of time i wasn’t talking to her was the most depressed she had ever been and how thanksgiving is such a hard time for her. this happens at least once a month and it feels like she’s trying to guilt me into feeling bad for her when i was at my absolute worst. aita for refusing to let her visit me in treatment, not feeling bad for her, and wishing i could go back to no contact? [/INST] nta - she was a triggering person to be around and your therapist agreed. she’s in the wrong for being consistently mean to you. especially since then you’ve gotten closer to her. also, shouldn’t that time of year be worst for you since ya know your mental health was severe enough to be an inpatient at a facility. </s>
|
AITA for spotting a woman $10 in front of her husband?
|
i was lined up buying some dog food behind a couple. they were short some money so i just gave the cashier $10 and asked him if we could hurry along. he said sure, gave the couple their stuff and started scanning me. i didn't even talk to the couple, i just gave the cashier the money. outside the husband stops me and starts asking me about why i disrespected him by doing that. i just told him i have to go and he followed me to my car basically bitching about what i did. idk, it just seems like a small thing
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bx97ec/aita_for_spotting_a_woman_10_in_front_of_her/
|
2019-06-05 22:59:24
|
nta. you helped them. he is being ungracious.
|
info:
was the husband about to pay? i don't see why he would be mad unless he actually had enough money
|
yta. you didn't offer them help, you told the cashier to hurry them up and threw ten dollars at him to make that happen. this wasn't an act of kindness or generosity, this was you paying someone else to get them out of your way. it was incredibly disrespectful.
|
nta
you were kind, even when acting out of self interest. but he spits on that because he feels dishonored or whatever silly reason people got for such dicky behavior. yes you could and maybe should have asked, but bitching about this even when they caused this by their unawareness is a sign of bad character imo.
|
the whole "you're disrespecting me" thing is something i have learned is usually some dirtbag warming up for a fight. it is a phrase that makes me square off and ready myself. stable people don't get so wound up over perceived slights like that but insecure dirtbags do.
the op was lucky to get away without a fight.
|
info
were they short on money or taking too long to find their money?
edit, typo
|
nta. i mean, you could have said something to the couple, like "don't worry about it", or something. everyone goes through rough financial patches. but they also should have just thanked you and moved on.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
NTA
| null |
INFO
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0.331269 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was lined up buying some dog food behind a couple. they were short some money so i just gave the cashier $10 and asked him if we could hurry along. he said sure, gave the couple their stuff and started scanning me. i didn't even talk to the couple, i just gave the cashier the money. outside the husband stops me and starts asking me about why i disrespected him by doing that. i just told him i have to go and he followed me to my car basically bitching about what i did. idk, it just seems like a small thing
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i was lined up buying some dog food behind a couple. they were short some money so i just gave the cashier $10 and asked him if we could hurry along. he said sure, gave the couple their stuff and started scanning me. i didn't even talk to the couple, i just gave the cashier the money. outside the husband stops me and starts asking me about why i disrespected him by doing that. i just told him i have to go and he followed me to my car basically bitching about what i did. idk, it just seems like a small thing [/INST] nta. you helped them. he is being ungracious. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to remove my Ultron sticker off my car?
|
i (f19) have been a huge marvel fan since aou came out back in 2015. it’s been my favorite and to this day i don’t think anything else could beat it. recently i was scrolling through amazon and saw that i could customize a car sticker. my friends and i thought it would be funny to put a pink “ultron was right” sticker on my bumper. why? cause it’s funny. corny but funny. my mother never liked the idea of car stickers cause to her they are “messy”.
this morning she came out and noticed the new sticker and asked ‘who’ ultron was. i explained the movie and his ambitions and it really threw my mother off. she became extremely upset because she sees it as evil and sick. i tried telling her that it’s a joke but she took it too serious, saying that i belong in a mental hospital if i truly believe that. (ofc i don’t, i’m not omnicidal)
i refused to remove it because i paid for it with my money.
aita or is she?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ws3j2a/aita_for_not_wanting_to_remove_my_ultron_sticker/
|
2022-08-19 03:39:48
|
nta. it’s a movie and a sticker. she’s taking everything too seriously.
|
nta. your mother is really building a case for ultron, though.
|
nta. tell her hey, at least it’s not thanos was right
|
nta- you paid for the sticker, it's your car and most importantly, it's a joke, your mum is way too serious
|
op, if this is how your mother is willing to talk to you...assuming that you still reside with her, perhaps it's time to consider getting a room to rent with said friends. sounds like there is a better-and healthier-relationship there if your mom is going to tell you to go to a mental hospital over a joke car sticker regarding a fictional comic book character.
nta.
|
info: does the car belong to you only?
edit to add judgement: as long as it’s your name on the title nta
|
nta - your car, your sticker, your choice.
some people just don't find the humor in genocide, so you aren't going to bat 1.000 with that sticker.
|
info: who owns the car
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null | null | 0.027063 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f19) have been a huge marvel fan since aou came out back in 2015. it’s been my favorite and to this day i don’t think anything else could beat it. recently i was scrolling through amazon and saw that i could customize a car sticker. my friends and i thought it would be funny to put a pink “ultron was right” sticker on my bumper. why? cause it’s funny. corny but funny. my mother never liked the idea of car stickers cause to her they are “messy”. this morning she came out and noticed the new sticker and asked ‘who’ ultron was. i explained the movie and his ambitions and it really threw my mother off. she became extremely upset because she sees it as evil and sick. i tried telling her that it’s a joke but she took it too serious, saying that i belong in a mental hospital if i truly believe that. (ofc i don’t, i’m not omnicidal) i refused to remove it because i paid for it with my money. aita or is she?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (f19) have been a huge marvel fan since aou came out back in 2015. it’s been my favorite and to this day i don’t think anything else could beat it. recently i was scrolling through amazon and saw that i could customize a car sticker. my friends and i thought it would be funny to put a pink “ultron was right” sticker on my bumper. why? cause it’s funny. corny but funny. my mother never liked the idea of car stickers cause to her they are “messy”. this morning she came out and noticed the new sticker and asked ‘who’ ultron was. i explained the movie and his ambitions and it really threw my mother off. she became extremely upset because she sees it as evil and sick. i tried telling her that it’s a joke but she took it too serious, saying that i belong in a mental hospital if i truly believe that. (ofc i don’t, i’m not omnicidal) i refused to remove it because i paid for it with my money. aita or is she? [/INST] nta. it’s a movie and a sticker. she’s taking everything too seriously. </s>
|
AITA for not taking my kids to visit my ailing step-mother?
|
i went to live with my dad after my parents' divorce at age 10. my dad, bless his heart, had no idea how to raise a child, especially a girl, and had no business getting custody. for instance, "women's problems" were taboo, and i was only two years away from mine. i half-assed my way through it with toilet paper and cut-up t-shirts.
he ended up marrying a controlling woman with a son of her own (one year older). she had no interest in raising a daughter and made it perfectly clear that i was not welcome. she was the embodiment of the wicked stepmother from cinderella.
at one point, she decided to put locks on the refrigerator and cabinets, but not before installing a refrigerator and stocking the shelves with food in my step-brother's room. she and my dad worked long hours, so i regularly had nothing to eat between school lunches.
they stuck me in one of those little rooms in the basement, under a stairwell, with nothing but a dirty, single mattress with springs sticking out. i have a scar on my left thigh where one stabbed into me then ripped across my leg.
at night, when i had to use the restroom, i'd find every lightbulb in the house had been removed, the water was turned off, and there was no toilet paper to be found. my step-brother was equipped with his own toilet paper and a flashlight.
i could give a hundred examples of the favoritism, but here are a few: i wasn't allowed pets, but step-bro had dogs, ducks, and rabbits. he regularly got new bikes and even a new moped one year; i got a used, barely-rideable bike. he got a generous weekly allowance; i got a couple bucks a month my grandma sent me in the mail.
i know a lot of kids had it a lot worse, but to me, this life was traumatizing. being constantly berated led to a lifetime of insecurity and other self-destructive behaviors. i don't need sympathy; i'm a big girl and have dealt with it to my best ability.
at age 14, i finally escaped and moved back to my mother's house with her new husband and my younger sister.
i grew up, got a job, worked my way through college, earned a phd, got married, had two kids, and became generally successful. childhood haunted me, but i was the queen of denial. i mended the relationship with my step-mother, albeit superficially. we never speak of the past. we pretend it never happened.
dad died in 2000, but i maintained a cordial relationship with them. we went to their house (mama's boy; never left home) a few times a year and traded text messages. my kids grew up knowing her as "grandma nina."
we haven't seen her in about five years, mainly because she moved almost three hours away. now, she's in her late 70s, in failing health, living alone (her son is ten minutes away but has little to do with her).
she calls or texts about once or twice a month asking when the kids and i will come visit her. i just don't have the strength.
aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uspm3y/aita_for_not_taking_my_kids_to_visit_my_ailing/
|
2022-05-18 23:20:23
|
nta.
it’s time to downgrade from superficial to non-existent. it’s been heading that way anyway. be free.
also, no, not a lot of kids had it a lot worse.
|
nta. to reduce it to a single sentence, this woman did not care for you when you were young so you don't owe her your time at all. to expand, she horribly neglected you alongside your father and you shouldn't feel like you have to subject yourself to her presence ever.
|
nta. your stepmother was an evil, bitter, nasty person, and frankly, i'm surprised you gave her any of your time after you left.
she's never apologized for her treatment of you, and never acknowledged it. you owe her nothing. if you don't want to see her, don't. you don't owe her, or anyone, any explanation.
if you wanted to, you'd be well within your right to confront her on what she did to you, but the odds are, she won't ever get it, nor apologize for it. people who are that shitty and evil aren't usually capable of redemption. (usually, not always)
|
nta
too bad the statue of limitations have passed….she should of been in jail for abusing you,
f*** her, if she ends up having to go into a home you should throw her into the nastiest one you can find
you owe her nothing!
|
> i mended the relationship with my step-mother, albeit superficially.
>
>dad died in 2000, but i maintained a cordial relationship with them. we went to their house (mama's boy; never left home) a few times a year and traded text messages. my kids grew up knowing her as "grandma nina."
why? are you a sucker for emotional pain?
>we haven't seen her in about five years, mainly because she moved almost three hours away. now, she's in her late 70s, in failing health, living alone (her son is ten minutes away but has little to do with her).
>
>she calls or texts about once or twice a month asking when the kids and i will come visit her. i just don't have the strength.
why do you have to go visit her with your kids? she moved 3 hours away. that's your out.
even her own son doesn't want much to do with her.
> i don't need sympathy; i'm a big girl and have dealt with it to my best ability.
obviously you haven't since you wanted more to do with her.
i mean, you father died 20 years ago, but you didn't end it then? you went to her house a few times a year, texted, and let your children be around her?
you had a relationship with your father too? why? he should have protected you, but he didn't. she was the evil stepmother, but your father was the evil father.
you really need therapy. they were horrible to you. you need to realize you don't owe them anything.
|
nta you don't owe this woman the time of day if you don't want to give it.
|
fuck. where was your dad during all of this?
i hope you've gotten into therapy for all of that trauma.
and i wouldn't give her the time of day.
|
nta from one who came from a horrific home (i’m just now, decades later, realizing it). boy the amount of times i said - and still say - others had it worse! because i believed i deserved it. it was normal. i also chose no therapy. mistake. i so wish you every happiness and going there will not be good for you.
|
nta
you can free yourself from any guilt about this. if parents want to have a good relationship with adult children and stepchildren, they need to be good enough parents to foster a close, authentic bond. she sounds like an absolute nightmare.
not at all surprised that your golden child stepbrother isn't around. she's too old to be of value to him, and it's her own damn fault for spoiling him rotten.
you have choices. you can cut contact without explanation. you can cut contact with an explanation. you can visit when you feel ready, if you feel ready. you can send her a letter to share your feelings. there's absolutely nothing you have to decide except what to do in this moment, and if this moment is telling you to forget about her, then listen to that voice.
be free.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i went to live with my dad after my parents' divorce at age 10. my dad, bless his heart, had no idea how to raise a child, especially a girl, and had no business getting custody. for instance, "women's problems" were taboo, and i was only two years away from mine. i half-assed my way through it with toilet paper and cut-up t-shirts. he ended up marrying a controlling woman with a son of her own (one year older). she had no interest in raising a daughter and made it perfectly clear that i was not welcome. she was the embodiment of the wicked stepmother from cinderella. at one point, she decided to put locks on the refrigerator and cabinets, but not before installing a refrigerator and stocking the shelves with food in my step-brother's room. she and my dad worked long hours, so i regularly had nothing to eat between school lunches. they stuck me in one of those little rooms in the basement, under a stairwell, with nothing but a dirty, single mattress with springs sticking out. i have a scar on my left thigh where one stabbed into me then ripped across my leg. at night, when i had to use the restroom, i'd find every lightbulb in the house had been removed, the water was turned off, and there was no toilet paper to be found. my step-brother was equipped with his own toilet paper and a flashlight. i could give a hundred examples of the favoritism, but here are a few: i wasn't allowed pets, but step-bro had dogs, ducks, and rabbits. he regularly got new bikes and even a new moped one year; i got a used, barely-rideable bike. he got a generous weekly allowance; i got a couple bucks a month my grandma sent me in the mail. i know a lot of kids had it a lot worse, but to me, this life was traumatizing. being constantly berated led to a lifetime of insecurity and other self-destructive behaviors. i don't need sympathy; i'm a big girl and have dealt with it to my best ability. at age 14, i finally escaped and moved back to my mother's house with her new husband and my younger sister. i grew up, got a job, worked my way through college, earned a phd, got married, had two kids, and became generally successful. childhood haunted me, but i was the queen of denial. i mended the relationship with my step-mother, albeit superficially. we never speak of the past. we pretend it never happened. dad died in 2000, but i maintained a cordial relationship with them. we went to their house (mama's boy; never left home) a few times a year and traded text messages. my kids grew up knowing her as "grandma nina." we haven't seen her in about five years, mainly because she moved almost three hours away. now, she's in her late 70s, in failing health, living alone (her son is ten minutes away but has little to do with her). she calls or texts about once or twice a month asking when the kids and i will come visit her. i just don't have the strength. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i went to live with my dad after my parents' divorce at age 10. my dad, bless his heart, had no idea how to raise a child, especially a girl, and had no business getting custody. for instance, "women's problems" were taboo, and i was only two years away from mine. i half-assed my way through it with toilet paper and cut-up t-shirts. he ended up marrying a controlling woman with a son of her own (one year older). she had no interest in raising a daughter and made it perfectly clear that i was not welcome. she was the embodiment of the wicked stepmother from cinderella. at one point, she decided to put locks on the refrigerator and cabinets, but not before installing a refrigerator and stocking the shelves with food in my step-brother's room. she and my dad worked long hours, so i regularly had nothing to eat between school lunches. they stuck me in one of those little rooms in the basement, under a stairwell, with nothing but a dirty, single mattress with springs sticking out. i have a scar on my left thigh where one stabbed into me then ripped across my leg. at night, when i had to use the restroom, i'd find every lightbulb in the house had been removed, the water was turned off, and there was no toilet paper to be found. my step-brother was equipped with his own toilet paper and a flashlight. i could give a hundred examples of the favoritism, but here are a few: i wasn't allowed pets, but step-bro had dogs, ducks, and rabbits. he regularly got new bikes and even a new moped one year; i got a used, barely-rideable bike. he got a generous weekly allowance; i got a couple bucks a month my grandma sent me in the mail. i know a lot of kids had it a lot worse, but to me, this life was traumatizing. being constantly berated led to a lifetime of insecurity and other self-destructive behaviors. i don't need sympathy; i'm a big girl and have dealt with it to my best ability. at age 14, i finally escaped and moved back to my mother's house with her new husband and my younger sister. i grew up, got a job, worked my way through college, earned a phd, got married, had two kids, and became generally successful. childhood haunted me, but i was the queen of denial. i mended the relationship with my step-mother, albeit superficially. we never speak of the past. we pretend it never happened. dad died in 2000, but i maintained a cordial relationship with them. we went to their house (mama's boy; never left home) a few times a year and traded text messages. my kids grew up knowing her as "grandma nina." we haven't seen her in about five years, mainly because she moved almost three hours away. now, she's in her late 70s, in failing health, living alone (her son is ten minutes away but has little to do with her). she calls or texts about once or twice a month asking when the kids and i will come visit her. i just don't have the strength. aita? [/INST] nta. it’s time to downgrade from superficial to non-existent. it’s been heading that way anyway. be free. also, no, not a lot of kids had it a lot worse. </s>
|
AITA for saying no when asked to change a diaper ?
|
fyi i ended up changing the diaper anyways
a couple things before i get to the post: -my mom has a problem with coming into my room in the morning regardless of what time i wake up to ask me to do things that she is fully capable of doing -my mom never talks to me unless , a . she wants something b. she is pissed off and it doesn't even have to be at me.
on to the "story" this morning my mom (39f) came into my room and asked me (13f) to change my sister's (1f) diaper so she "could make her coffee and my sister a bottle so she wouldn't be an ass today " . i said her hand was no longer hurt (nothing serious just not paying attention. she gets a lot of those) and there was no reason that she couldn't turn on the keurig change the diaper and then make the baby's bottle. (my mom just came in to yell at me i wasn't watching my sister so she could shower.) she started yelling at me to "change the fucking diaper or i will start taking shit away'".
info: my dad was at work. this is not a single event of she had forty things to do and needed my help. more of a series of \*scolling in facebook \* "hey op can you change your sister's poopy diaper?" [https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/n69gd7/aita\_for\_saying\_no\_to\_helping\_my\_bro\_9m\_find\_his/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/n69gd7/aita_for_saying_no_to_helping_my_bro_9m_find_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
i think this was her being lazy but sometimes i am wrong . aita?
y'all stop downvoting comments you don't agree with. only if they are being a dick .
edit alright please don't call me lazy. 1. it breaks rule one 2. before you jump to conclusions read my other posts please . 3 you don't know me from a reddit post or my mom.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n9z64c/aita_for_saying_no_when_asked_to_change_a_diaper/
|
2021-05-11 15:07:50
|
nta
you didn’t make the baby. if she needs help, she can ask, not demand.
|
nta you’re her children, it’s her responsibility to change diapers and do what needs done, nobody except the ones who make the kid have any obligation. she can ask people to do things but has no right to be upset when denied. it’s nice to help out, i always did with my sister, but that’s because dad was appreciative and polite when asking.
|
nta. not your kid, not your problem.
|
nta. unfortunately, some women seem to think they had children to take care of their other children. while it's good to teach your children to help family and have them do some chores to teach responsibility, making a child responsible for another child's care on a regular basis is too far. you didn't have that kid, you shouldn't have to take care of it.
|
nta, your mom shouldn't be forcing you to take care of her child. that's parentification and it's abuse.
|
nta, keeping an eye on your sibling for 10 minutes is one thing but changing them when mum can't be bothered is lazy of her
|
nta, you are the baby's sibling, not her parent. it's not your job to change diapers! while it's nice to help when parents ask for it, you shouldn't have to watch and care for your sister in that type of situation
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: fyi i ended up changing the diaper anyways a couple things before i get to the post: -my mom has a problem with coming into my room in the morning regardless of what time i wake up to ask me to do things that she is fully capable of doing -my mom never talks to me unless , a . she wants something b. she is pissed off and it doesn't even have to be at me. on to the "story" this morning my mom (39f) came into my room and asked me (13f) to change my sister's (1f) diaper so she "could make her coffee and my sister a bottle so she wouldn't be an ass today " . i said her hand was no longer hurt (nothing serious just not paying attention. she gets a lot of those) and there was no reason that she couldn't turn on the keurig change the diaper and then make the baby's bottle. (my mom just came in to yell at me i wasn't watching my sister so she could shower.) she started yelling at me to "change the fucking diaper or i will start taking shit away'". info: my dad was at work. this is not a single event of she had forty things to do and needed my help. more of a series of \*scolling in facebook \* "hey op can you change your sister's poopy diaper?" [https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/n69gd7/aita\_for\_saying\_no\_to\_helping\_my\_bro\_9m\_find\_his/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/n69gd7/aita_for_saying_no_to_helping_my_bro_9m_find_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) i think this was her being lazy but sometimes i am wrong . aita? y'all stop downvoting comments you don't agree with. only if they are being a dick . edit alright please don't call me lazy. 1. it breaks rule one 2. before you jump to conclusions read my other posts please . 3 you don't know me from a reddit post or my mom.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
fyi i ended up changing the diaper anyways a couple things before i get to the post: -my mom has a problem with coming into my room in the morning regardless of what time i wake up to ask me to do things that she is fully capable of doing -my mom never talks to me unless , a . she wants something b. she is pissed off and it doesn't even have to be at me. on to the "story" this morning my mom (39f) came into my room and asked me (13f) to change my sister's (1f) diaper so she "could make her coffee and my sister a bottle so she wouldn't be an ass today " . i said her hand was no longer hurt (nothing serious just not paying attention. she gets a lot of those) and there was no reason that she couldn't turn on the keurig change the diaper and then make the baby's bottle. (my mom just came in to yell at me i wasn't watching my sister so she could shower.) she started yelling at me to "change the fucking diaper or i will start taking shit away'". info: my dad was at work. this is not a single event of she had forty things to do and needed my help. more of a series of \*scolling in facebook \* "hey op can you change your sister's poopy diaper?" [https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/n69gd7/aita\_for\_saying\_no\_to\_helping\_my\_bro\_9m\_find\_his/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/n69gd7/aita_for_saying_no_to_helping_my_bro_9m_find_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) i think this was her being lazy but sometimes i am wrong . aita? y'all stop downvoting comments you don't agree with. only if they are being a dick . edit alright please don't call me lazy. 1. it breaks rule one 2. before you jump to conclusions read my other posts please . 3 you don't know me from a reddit post or my mom. [/INST] nta you didn’t make the baby. if she needs help, she can ask, not demand. </s>
|
AITA for losing my temper with my niece?
|
ok, so i (30m) was told last minute yesterday by my wife (30f) that i was watching my niece's (24f) daughter (2f) from 1-3 or 4. my niece even verified this.
my niece drops off her kid before 1. ok, no big deal.
her kid is actually very well-behaved, it's just my kid (3m) i worry about. sometimes, he gets a little bossy and inadvertently aggressive. i have two boys of my own (3 and 10 months), and adding a 3rd kid just makes it a little hectic for me.
it didn't help matters that the whole time, my wife was getting her nails done then going to a party, in essence leaving me all alone with them when i had studying to do.
anyway, back to the interpersonal conflict at hand: 4:00 rolls around. it's sunday, so a football game was concluding around that time, so i figured i'll factor in some time for traffic. be "understanding" or whatever.
5:00 rolls around, she says she's "on her way."
5:30 rolls around. she's still not here.
6:00 rolls around. still nothing
6:20. she calls saying how she's on her way and how she hit traffic.
she finally arrives 6:30. she doesn't apologize for her being 2 1/2 hours late, and by then i'm frustrated because this was time i could have been using to study (home stretch of mba). i went off on her about how disrespectful it was to leave me stuck with her kid for an extra 2 1/2 hours. she goes on about how there was traffic and there was a bridge closed and she didn't have her phone or whatever.
i'm sorry, traffic i'll excuse, but not a 2 1/2 hour delay. from where she came from, i could have walked to my house in less time.
as for her phone, she's always got it. it's a necessity nowadays anyway.
sorry, but that's fully disrespectful to do that to me. even my wife agreed, and she normally thinks i blow cases of "disrespect" way out of proportion.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q14tqh/aita_for_losing_my_temper_with_my_niece/
|
2021-10-04 12:52:46
|
nta.
but i would point out, both your niece and your wife were disrespectful before your niece even got there. your wife and niece have no business committing you to babysitting your great niece at the last minute.
i would advise your wife that she's free to make last minute commitments for herself only.
|
nta.
your wife shouldn’t put these things on you anyway if she’s not going to actually be there to help. she voluntold you to do this. if the niece wants your help next time, she needs to pick up the phone and call you.
|
nta. she didn't even ask if you could watch her, she just left the kid, that alone is already disrespectful.
|
nta: she took advantage of you to begin with (asking your wife not you), and then doubled the amount of time without so much as a call. glad your wife finds your reaction reasonable, that will help keep this situation from repeating.
|
nta. first of all, you weren’t even asked you were voluntold. rude. second she didn’t even apologize. rude. and third, you had plans for that time for something important that was ignored and glossed over. rude.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: ok, so i (30m) was told last minute yesterday by my wife (30f) that i was watching my niece's (24f) daughter (2f) from 1-3 or 4. my niece even verified this. my niece drops off her kid before 1. ok, no big deal. her kid is actually very well-behaved, it's just my kid (3m) i worry about. sometimes, he gets a little bossy and inadvertently aggressive. i have two boys of my own (3 and 10 months), and adding a 3rd kid just makes it a little hectic for me. it didn't help matters that the whole time, my wife was getting her nails done then going to a party, in essence leaving me all alone with them when i had studying to do. anyway, back to the interpersonal conflict at hand: 4:00 rolls around. it's sunday, so a football game was concluding around that time, so i figured i'll factor in some time for traffic. be "understanding" or whatever. 5:00 rolls around, she says she's "on her way." 5:30 rolls around. she's still not here. 6:00 rolls around. still nothing 6:20. she calls saying how she's on her way and how she hit traffic. she finally arrives 6:30. she doesn't apologize for her being 2 1/2 hours late, and by then i'm frustrated because this was time i could have been using to study (home stretch of mba). i went off on her about how disrespectful it was to leave me stuck with her kid for an extra 2 1/2 hours. she goes on about how there was traffic and there was a bridge closed and she didn't have her phone or whatever. i'm sorry, traffic i'll excuse, but not a 2 1/2 hour delay. from where she came from, i could have walked to my house in less time. as for her phone, she's always got it. it's a necessity nowadays anyway. sorry, but that's fully disrespectful to do that to me. even my wife agreed, and she normally thinks i blow cases of "disrespect" way out of proportion.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
ok, so i (30m) was told last minute yesterday by my wife (30f) that i was watching my niece's (24f) daughter (2f) from 1-3 or 4. my niece even verified this. my niece drops off her kid before 1. ok, no big deal. her kid is actually very well-behaved, it's just my kid (3m) i worry about. sometimes, he gets a little bossy and inadvertently aggressive. i have two boys of my own (3 and 10 months), and adding a 3rd kid just makes it a little hectic for me. it didn't help matters that the whole time, my wife was getting her nails done then going to a party, in essence leaving me all alone with them when i had studying to do. anyway, back to the interpersonal conflict at hand: 4:00 rolls around. it's sunday, so a football game was concluding around that time, so i figured i'll factor in some time for traffic. be "understanding" or whatever. 5:00 rolls around, she says she's "on her way." 5:30 rolls around. she's still not here. 6:00 rolls around. still nothing 6:20. she calls saying how she's on her way and how she hit traffic. she finally arrives 6:30. she doesn't apologize for her being 2 1/2 hours late, and by then i'm frustrated because this was time i could have been using to study (home stretch of mba). i went off on her about how disrespectful it was to leave me stuck with her kid for an extra 2 1/2 hours. she goes on about how there was traffic and there was a bridge closed and she didn't have her phone or whatever. i'm sorry, traffic i'll excuse, but not a 2 1/2 hour delay. from where she came from, i could have walked to my house in less time. as for her phone, she's always got it. it's a necessity nowadays anyway. sorry, but that's fully disrespectful to do that to me. even my wife agreed, and she normally thinks i blow cases of "disrespect" way out of proportion. [/INST] nta. but i would point out, both your niece and your wife were disrespectful before your niece even got there. your wife and niece have no business committing you to babysitting your great niece at the last minute. i would advise your wife that she's free to make last minute commitments for herself only. </s>
|
AITA for getting upset that my friend gave away my private information to random guys on her tinder and then told me it was a joke
|
throwaway account because i don't really use reddit. my friend posted on her finsta and tagged me on a pic of a screenshot of her talking to this random guy on tinder and she gave my private information instead of hers and thought it would be funny to post. she did this all without my knowledge too. when i saw it i felt really uncomfortable that she thought it was ok to just give random guys my information without asking permission.
i tried to confront her but she ended up taking a screenshot of my response and posting that to her story saying she had to do it. then i dmed her privately and told her it wasn't necessary and that i was being serious and she responds by laughing and saying how it was a joke but she won't do it again and that i could give her information to random guys but i'm not that type of person and even if i did it wouldn't be the same because she gave me permission to anyways.
she's done similar stuff like this in the past but would either convince me it wasn't a big deal or i would feel pressure to just pretend it was ok. so, aita for getting upset over it?
also, her birthday is coming up and i don't really want to say anything but i know she'll make a big deal over it and then claim that i'm not being a good friend.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k0jxb1/aita_for_getting_upset_that_my_friend_gave_away/
|
2020-11-25 03:08:27
|
nta. your "friend" is definitely one.
she has no respect for you. that's is not a true friend. that's a bully.
sod her birthday. sod her. find friends who respect you and aren't utter bullies.
|
nta this is not your friend. she is dangerous.
|
nta report her to instagram, i’m sure that’s some kind of violation.
|
nta. she’s not your friend. you have every right to be angry and her laughing at your anger is disgusting. ditch her and find a better friend.
|
nta, at all what if one of those guys was a **predator, stalker, bad person** , who tf knows on tinder, private information needs to stay private. id make a huge deal
|
nta: why are you friends w her?? drop her! you deserve better
|
nta, she is definitely not your friend. at this point i’d be changing my number for safety and blocking her.
|
nta private information is meant to be private for a reason. how would she like it if you shared such private information of hers with random strangers. be clear with her and if she can’t see the bug picture i would lose contact with her.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account because i don't really use reddit. my friend posted on her finsta and tagged me on a pic of a screenshot of her talking to this random guy on tinder and she gave my private information instead of hers and thought it would be funny to post. she did this all without my knowledge too. when i saw it i felt really uncomfortable that she thought it was ok to just give random guys my information without asking permission. i tried to confront her but she ended up taking a screenshot of my response and posting that to her story saying she had to do it. then i dmed her privately and told her it wasn't necessary and that i was being serious and she responds by laughing and saying how it was a joke but she won't do it again and that i could give her information to random guys but i'm not that type of person and even if i did it wouldn't be the same because she gave me permission to anyways. she's done similar stuff like this in the past but would either convince me it wasn't a big deal or i would feel pressure to just pretend it was ok. so, aita for getting upset over it? also, her birthday is coming up and i don't really want to say anything but i know she'll make a big deal over it and then claim that i'm not being a good friend.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account because i don't really use reddit. my friend posted on her finsta and tagged me on a pic of a screenshot of her talking to this random guy on tinder and she gave my private information instead of hers and thought it would be funny to post. she did this all without my knowledge too. when i saw it i felt really uncomfortable that she thought it was ok to just give random guys my information without asking permission. i tried to confront her but she ended up taking a screenshot of my response and posting that to her story saying she had to do it. then i dmed her privately and told her it wasn't necessary and that i was being serious and she responds by laughing and saying how it was a joke but she won't do it again and that i could give her information to random guys but i'm not that type of person and even if i did it wouldn't be the same because she gave me permission to anyways. she's done similar stuff like this in the past but would either convince me it wasn't a big deal or i would feel pressure to just pretend it was ok. so, aita for getting upset over it? also, her birthday is coming up and i don't really want to say anything but i know she'll make a big deal over it and then claim that i'm not being a good friend. [/INST] nta. your "friend" is definitely one. she has no respect for you. that's is not a true friend. that's a bully. sod her birthday. sod her. find friends who respect you and aren't utter bullies. </s>
|
AITA for calling CPS
|
i recently moved into a new apartment and for the last two months, i have noticed many issues with my next door neighbors. we live in connected townhouse apartments. they allow their three female children to play unsupervised outside. so far in the last 2 months, i have seen these kids destroy someone's rose bush, destroy vegetation in my garden, attempted stealing an umbrella off my front door, climb on my fence and property multiple times, stay out as late as 12 am, climb up a tree and fall out of it, throw rocks at my window/patio, play shirtless outside, leave their toys all around neighbors houses, and ride their bikes in the street (we almost hit them one day as we tried to park as they were running between cars)
&#x200b;
the parents are no where to be found or at least they do not take responsibility for their children. there have been events where i run out yelling at the children to stop throwing rocks at my apartment. i know as a fact that the adult who is responsible for them is aware of the situation as i can hear him through the wall saying "why are you throwing rocks at people's window?" this is very frustrating as this gentleman does not take any responsibility for the action of his children and refused to address their behavior.
&#x200b;
just this weekend i had another altercation where i caught the children on my fence again as well as throwing rocks tearing at my flowers. i did contact the police and as soon as they arrive, this man runs out and states that he has been watching the children the whole time, which is complete bs.
&#x200b;
another important thing to note is that i suspect the parents are smoking marijuana around these children. almost every day i am noticing the smell of marijuana coming from the common walls that we share. i contacted police about it and after they spoke with them, i did not smell the smell for a week. i have also noted the smell coming from their patio. it is worthy to note that since moving, i have been job hunting and have been home all day of the week. i have noted that these people are pretty much home all day as well. they never seem to leave their home, but when they do, it is very quick (for less than an hour or so). i have a hunch that they could be selling drugs.
&#x200b;
now these three children are between the ages of 5-10. i have already contacted the police on 6 occasions and they have told me every time that nothing can be done about it. i have also notified the property manager on multiple occasions and nothing seems to be done. i have a lot of video evidence.
&#x200b;
i contacted cps this weekend and told them what has been going on. i gave them all the details including the video evidence of these children doing things that they are not supposed to.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cazn14/aita_for_calling_cps/
|
2019-07-09 11:29:17
|
nta. kids need to learn boundaries and if the parents won't teach them someone else will the hard way. kids not respecting others' property isn't "kids being kids."
|
esh granted, the kids do seem to be pretty much completely undisciplined, but the fact that you are calling cps over them misbehaving, particularly since you haven't bothered even trying to talk to the parents, is bs. just because the people don't work out of their house, does not mean they don't work from their house. and just because they leave for short periods of time most certainly does not mean they are selling drugs. i suspect you are just trying to convince yourself that is what they are doing to try to justify your actions.
|
yta. it sounds like you’re only calling cps as a punishment rather than actual concern of the kids. you got the authorities involved without even talking to the parents.
sure the kids are being annoying but that’s all kid stuff that they’re doing. there’s much better ways of handling this than trying to get the kids taken away.
|
esh, parents suck for not properly caring about what their kids do, you suck because you just escalated the situation and blew it out of proportion. did you talk to the parents about managing their kids??
|
yta.
you are using the resources of a strapped government agency because you are too chicken shit to confront the parents.
|
yta for jumping straight to cps and all your other ta comments.
|
yta... this is not a cps issue. go talk to the parents. it doesn’t sound like the kids are in any danger or being neglected.
|
yta. after reading these comment i truly cannot understand why you haven’t gone directly to the parents. a simple “knock knock, this is the situation would you mind getting involved in preventing this?” just because your screaming at children doesn’t mean the parents have the entire story. it also sounds like you don’t know the entire story either. communicate. you may be surprised on how well it can work between the two involved parties.
| null | null |
NTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | null | 0.091339 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i recently moved into a new apartment and for the last two months, i have noticed many issues with my next door neighbors. we live in connected townhouse apartments. they allow their three female children to play unsupervised outside. so far in the last 2 months, i have seen these kids destroy someone's rose bush, destroy vegetation in my garden, attempted stealing an umbrella off my front door, climb on my fence and property multiple times, stay out as late as 12 am, climb up a tree and fall out of it, throw rocks at my window/patio, play shirtless outside, leave their toys all around neighbors houses, and ride their bikes in the street (we almost hit them one day as we tried to park as they were running between cars) &#x200b; the parents are no where to be found or at least they do not take responsibility for their children. there have been events where i run out yelling at the children to stop throwing rocks at my apartment. i know as a fact that the adult who is responsible for them is aware of the situation as i can hear him through the wall saying "why are you throwing rocks at people's window?" this is very frustrating as this gentleman does not take any responsibility for the action of his children and refused to address their behavior. &#x200b; just this weekend i had another altercation where i caught the children on my fence again as well as throwing rocks tearing at my flowers. i did contact the police and as soon as they arrive, this man runs out and states that he has been watching the children the whole time, which is complete bs. &#x200b; another important thing to note is that i suspect the parents are smoking marijuana around these children. almost every day i am noticing the smell of marijuana coming from the common walls that we share. i contacted police about it and after they spoke with them, i did not smell the smell for a week. i have also noted the smell coming from their patio. it is worthy to note that since moving, i have been job hunting and have been home all day of the week. i have noted that these people are pretty much home all day as well. they never seem to leave their home, but when they do, it is very quick (for less than an hour or so). i have a hunch that they could be selling drugs. &#x200b; now these three children are between the ages of 5-10. i have already contacted the police on 6 occasions and they have told me every time that nothing can be done about it. i have also notified the property manager on multiple occasions and nothing seems to be done. i have a lot of video evidence. &#x200b; i contacted cps this weekend and told them what has been going on. i gave them all the details including the video evidence of these children doing things that they are not supposed to.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i recently moved into a new apartment and for the last two months, i have noticed many issues with my next door neighbors. we live in connected townhouse apartments. they allow their three female children to play unsupervised outside. so far in the last 2 months, i have seen these kids destroy someone's rose bush, destroy vegetation in my garden, attempted stealing an umbrella off my front door, climb on my fence and property multiple times, stay out as late as 12 am, climb up a tree and fall out of it, throw rocks at my window/patio, play shirtless outside, leave their toys all around neighbors houses, and ride their bikes in the street (we almost hit them one day as we tried to park as they were running between cars) &#x200b; the parents are no where to be found or at least they do not take responsibility for their children. there have been events where i run out yelling at the children to stop throwing rocks at my apartment. i know as a fact that the adult who is responsible for them is aware of the situation as i can hear him through the wall saying "why are you throwing rocks at people's window?" this is very frustrating as this gentleman does not take any responsibility for the action of his children and refused to address their behavior. &#x200b; just this weekend i had another altercation where i caught the children on my fence again as well as throwing rocks tearing at my flowers. i did contact the police and as soon as they arrive, this man runs out and states that he has been watching the children the whole time, which is complete bs. &#x200b; another important thing to note is that i suspect the parents are smoking marijuana around these children. almost every day i am noticing the smell of marijuana coming from the common walls that we share. i contacted police about it and after they spoke with them, i did not smell the smell for a week. i have also noted the smell coming from their patio. it is worthy to note that since moving, i have been job hunting and have been home all day of the week. i have noted that these people are pretty much home all day as well. they never seem to leave their home, but when they do, it is very quick (for less than an hour or so). i have a hunch that they could be selling drugs. &#x200b; now these three children are between the ages of 5-10. i have already contacted the police on 6 occasions and they have told me every time that nothing can be done about it. i have also notified the property manager on multiple occasions and nothing seems to be done. i have a lot of video evidence. &#x200b; i contacted cps this weekend and told them what has been going on. i gave them all the details including the video evidence of these children doing things that they are not supposed to. [/INST] nta. kids need to learn boundaries and if the parents won't teach them someone else will the hard way. kids not respecting others' property isn't "kids being kids." </s>
|
AITA for not tipping my waitress?
|
long story short, my girlfriend and i went out to eat at nifty fifty's and our waitress neglected us almost the entire time. she did the bare minimum with tending to us the entire time.
now i will defend her a bit; she said that all of her tables were currently (and usually) in the back, and we were seated closer to the front near the cab register and where the waitresses grabbed the food to deliver to tables.
we didn't pay too much attention to it until we asked for the check. and let me preface what i'm about to say next with this; i always tip 20% because i understand that servers don't get paid minimum wage and live off of tips. however, my waitress walked past us 4 times (behind the counter), rung up another table and talked to her coworkers within a 15-20 minute time since she gave us our check.
the bill was $35 and i was prepared to give her $7-8 as a tip. when she finally saw us, she was visually surprised and even said to us "oh my god i'm so sorry i forgot you were over here!"
upon hearing that, coupled with the long wait time, i was frustrated and my girlfriend and i decided to not tip her at all.
am i the asshole?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b5dn3a/aita_for_not_tipping_my_waitress/
|
2019-03-25 17:30:15
|
nta. as a former waitress, i've done this. i have forgotten tables. it sucks! i've never felt worse. i also absolutely insist that you tip on performance, not because you have to. over the top amazing service? better than ever? drop them an amazing special tip. shit service? bare minimum or nothing. a tip is the wait-staff equivalent of a managerial review.
&#x200b;
if you should find yourself i a situation such as this in the future, head to the cash register or hostess desk and explain that you need to cash out but don't have your check. they will track it down.
|
nta. reddit has a strange tipping culture. if you don't get good service, you aren't expected to tip. you said that you normally tip 20%, so you do your due diligence.
|
nta. i agree, the restaurants not paying workers enough sucks, but i think tipping should be based on how good they did.
|
nta. tipping is optional and based on service. the service is bad and it's not a normal thing for you. dont worry about it, move on.
|
idgaf about a judgement here, but with loads of friends in the service industry, i can tell you that leaving no tip is far less effective than a low tip. if you leave 5-10%, your server will probably analyse the situation and possibly learn to be better. if you leave no tip, your server assumes you are a dickhead and goes about their day.
|
you are not the asshole.
if it was a busy night and your table was in someone else’s section but they still had to pick it up, then yes i can see forgetting about your table or at least being slightly neglectful to it. but if you got time to bullshit with your coworkers for 15-20 minutes, you don’t deserve a tip.
now, if you’re receiving the minimum, tip the minimum. if you’re receiving decent, tip decent. if you’re receiving wonderful, tip wonderful. that’s the best way to play it off.
if you ain’t acting right i ain’t tipping right. simple as that.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: long story short, my girlfriend and i went out to eat at nifty fifty's and our waitress neglected us almost the entire time. she did the bare minimum with tending to us the entire time. now i will defend her a bit; she said that all of her tables were currently (and usually) in the back, and we were seated closer to the front near the cab register and where the waitresses grabbed the food to deliver to tables. we didn't pay too much attention to it until we asked for the check. and let me preface what i'm about to say next with this; i always tip 20% because i understand that servers don't get paid minimum wage and live off of tips. however, my waitress walked past us 4 times (behind the counter), rung up another table and talked to her coworkers within a 15-20 minute time since she gave us our check. the bill was $35 and i was prepared to give her $7-8 as a tip. when she finally saw us, she was visually surprised and even said to us "oh my god i'm so sorry i forgot you were over here!" upon hearing that, coupled with the long wait time, i was frustrated and my girlfriend and i decided to not tip her at all. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
long story short, my girlfriend and i went out to eat at nifty fifty's and our waitress neglected us almost the entire time. she did the bare minimum with tending to us the entire time. now i will defend her a bit; she said that all of her tables were currently (and usually) in the back, and we were seated closer to the front near the cab register and where the waitresses grabbed the food to deliver to tables. we didn't pay too much attention to it until we asked for the check. and let me preface what i'm about to say next with this; i always tip 20% because i understand that servers don't get paid minimum wage and live off of tips. however, my waitress walked past us 4 times (behind the counter), rung up another table and talked to her coworkers within a 15-20 minute time since she gave us our check. the bill was $35 and i was prepared to give her $7-8 as a tip. when she finally saw us, she was visually surprised and even said to us "oh my god i'm so sorry i forgot you were over here!" upon hearing that, coupled with the long wait time, i was frustrated and my girlfriend and i decided to not tip her at all. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. as a former waitress, i've done this. i have forgotten tables. it sucks! i've never felt worse. i also absolutely insist that you tip on performance, not because you have to. over the top amazing service? better than ever? drop them an amazing special tip. shit service? bare minimum or nothing. a tip is the wait-staff equivalent of a managerial review. &#x200b; if you should find yourself i a situation such as this in the future, head to the cash register or hostess desk and explain that you need to cash out but don't have your check. they will track it down. </s>
|
AITA for not hiding my sanitary products?
|
for clarity, i am 18f and have two younger brothers (14 and 17) - i live in my parents’ house, i pay rent and i am full time studying as well as working a casual job.
i have my own room and have recently purchased myself a sanitary bin - this is to keep my used period products separate from the family products out of respect for them.
there is no odour, the bin itself is hidden in a corner of my room and i do not share my room with any member of my household - my mother approved of this and said this was a good idea.
enter, my 17yo brother who i’ll call l.
l recently has been disruptive, causing problems in the family dynamic and overall, he’s been awful. i have remained as civil as i can be.
i had no prior knowledge of l taking my room when i was not at home (i stay frequently at my boyfriend’s house) which lead to him discovering my bin.
l has started removing the bin from my room and complaining that it’s unacceptable for me to keep it in there as he uses my room, also.
my mother has disputed this and told him how entitled that sounds, to which he dramatically exclaimed that he will “be moving out if it continues.”
now, i know my parents are on my side and disapprove of how he’s being, but aita?
i’m just so confused, i know he has some mental health issues and if it disgusts him, maybe i should move it?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vkwtz9/aita_for_not_hiding_my_sanitary_products/
|
2022-06-26 04:49:46
|
nta.
my sister and i used the bin the same bathroom as our brothers that we all (gasp!) had to empty.
your brother has some maturing to do.
|
nta, you pay the rent and use your room and he’s not supposed to be there in the first place, he has no business going through your things.
|
he has his own room and now he wants yours too? what is he doing in there? it's irrelevant that it disgusts him when it's in your room. perhaps you should just return your used sanitary products to circulation in the general household garbage (what most people do and there's nothing wrong with that either). i think he is just being an arsehole because he's getting a kick out if it. nta.
|
um why on earth is he taking your room when you aren't there? and if he's such a dick, why are you ok with that?
|
nta
id you're paying rent, tell your parents that you will be installing a keyed lock on the door. he no longer is using your room and the bin is no longer his problem or concern.
he sounds like one of *those* people.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for clarity, i am 18f and have two younger brothers (14 and 17) - i live in my parents’ house, i pay rent and i am full time studying as well as working a casual job. i have my own room and have recently purchased myself a sanitary bin - this is to keep my used period products separate from the family products out of respect for them. there is no odour, the bin itself is hidden in a corner of my room and i do not share my room with any member of my household - my mother approved of this and said this was a good idea. enter, my 17yo brother who i’ll call l. l recently has been disruptive, causing problems in the family dynamic and overall, he’s been awful. i have remained as civil as i can be. i had no prior knowledge of l taking my room when i was not at home (i stay frequently at my boyfriend’s house) which lead to him discovering my bin. l has started removing the bin from my room and complaining that it’s unacceptable for me to keep it in there as he uses my room, also. my mother has disputed this and told him how entitled that sounds, to which he dramatically exclaimed that he will “be moving out if it continues.” now, i know my parents are on my side and disapprove of how he’s being, but aita? i’m just so confused, i know he has some mental health issues and if it disgusts him, maybe i should move it?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for clarity, i am 18f and have two younger brothers (14 and 17) - i live in my parents’ house, i pay rent and i am full time studying as well as working a casual job. i have my own room and have recently purchased myself a sanitary bin - this is to keep my used period products separate from the family products out of respect for them. there is no odour, the bin itself is hidden in a corner of my room and i do not share my room with any member of my household - my mother approved of this and said this was a good idea. enter, my 17yo brother who i’ll call l. l recently has been disruptive, causing problems in the family dynamic and overall, he’s been awful. i have remained as civil as i can be. i had no prior knowledge of l taking my room when i was not at home (i stay frequently at my boyfriend’s house) which lead to him discovering my bin. l has started removing the bin from my room and complaining that it’s unacceptable for me to keep it in there as he uses my room, also. my mother has disputed this and told him how entitled that sounds, to which he dramatically exclaimed that he will “be moving out if it continues.” now, i know my parents are on my side and disapprove of how he’s being, but aita? i’m just so confused, i know he has some mental health issues and if it disgusts him, maybe i should move it? [/INST] nta. my sister and i used the bin the same bathroom as our brothers that we all (gasp!) had to empty. your brother has some maturing to do. </s>
|
AITA For being upset my brother stole from me
|
about 3 years ago when i (f) was 17 and my brother who was in (30) had a huge blowout after her stole from me. about two or three christmas ago my parents got me a ps4. my brother made a huge stink saying how i didn’t deserve it and barely played with it and he should have it.
i also had a nintendo switch i loved to play with and thought well since my brother has a ps3 and wants mine i’ll give it to him for christmas and trade for the 3. i come home to find my brother who doesn’t live with us came over and broke into my room and stole it and honestly i was livid. what hurt the most was my parents let him get away with it. saying because i didn’t play with as much it’s fair he decided to take it. my mom said that she didn’t want to ruin her relationship with my brother or make him upset or not have him in there life but when i asked if she okay with me being upset and not having me in their life she didn’t say anything.
for some context my brother is the favorite and my mom always take his side no matter how awful he is to me.
now flash forward to the ps5 release my brother got in and now has a ps3,4 and 5 i asked him if i could finally have it back and again it was another huge blowout. my parents are fine with letting him steal from me and getting to have three consul’s. my brother is 13 years older than me and gets away with acting like a child. i was forced to apologize and make peace and he never one said sorry.
so for months i straight ignore his presence because i’m tired of his getting away with mean snide comments, breaking my stuff and messing with me on purpose and getting away with it. everyone in my life says i’m in the wrong because i didn’t play with it as much, but i’m still hurt my parents always let my brother win over me and love him more then me. while now i’m in better terms with my brother due to my nephew being born but i can’t help but feel anger towards him.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wojbdc/aita_for_being_upset_my_brother_stole_from_me/
|
2022-08-14 22:59:40
|
nta. your brother and parents are abusive. you need to get out and gray rock as soon as possible.
|
nta
and your brother is 30. why are they treating him like he is 14 years old?
that’s embarrassing.
|
"my mom said she didn't want to ruin her relationship with my brother but is okay with me being upset and not having me in her life."
nta. your parents (or at least, your mother) blatantly favor your brother over you.
|
it doesn't matter of you didn't play with it at all. your brother stole your property and your parents did not a thing about it. they allow an adult to be abusive and horrible to a child. thwy are awful. nta.
|
nta
it doesn't matter how often you played with it, it's yours.
your parents and brother are huge ahs.
eta; given your brother's behaviour when you're able to move out i'd go nc. don't let any of them know your address.
|
nta, but your brother and parents are. that's really shitty how you are treated. your brother is a grown ass adult, why couldn't he buy his own ps4? they're gonna regret it when you're out of the house and not talking to them anymore.
|
nta, and it's completely unfair to you. not even giving back your gift when he got a newer one really shows how completely disinterested your family is in your feelings. sadly, that dynamic is unlikely to change. one of the most important lessons to learn--and many people never do--is to recognize people for who they are and decide how much they deserve a place in your life. i'm not saying to completely reject your family, but perhaps keep them at arms' length, so to speak.
please cultivate people in your life who treat you with the kindness and respect you deserve. in time, they will be your chosen family and your life will be better for it.
|
nta, he's a literal 30 year old man. he works, i presume, he can buy his own. hell, he did buy his own. he had no reason to steal yours, regardless if you played with it or not. it's yours. he could've bought his own like he did the ps3 and 5. your parents suck too and shouldn't be favoring a whole adult nor letting him steal your things like a child.
|
nta. thieves are shitty people all around.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: about 3 years ago when i (f) was 17 and my brother who was in (30) had a huge blowout after her stole from me. about two or three christmas ago my parents got me a ps4. my brother made a huge stink saying how i didn’t deserve it and barely played with it and he should have it. i also had a nintendo switch i loved to play with and thought well since my brother has a ps3 and wants mine i’ll give it to him for christmas and trade for the 3. i come home to find my brother who doesn’t live with us came over and broke into my room and stole it and honestly i was livid. what hurt the most was my parents let him get away with it. saying because i didn’t play with as much it’s fair he decided to take it. my mom said that she didn’t want to ruin her relationship with my brother or make him upset or not have him in there life but when i asked if she okay with me being upset and not having me in their life she didn’t say anything. for some context my brother is the favorite and my mom always take his side no matter how awful he is to me. now flash forward to the ps5 release my brother got in and now has a ps3,4 and 5 i asked him if i could finally have it back and again it was another huge blowout. my parents are fine with letting him steal from me and getting to have three consul’s. my brother is 13 years older than me and gets away with acting like a child. i was forced to apologize and make peace and he never one said sorry. so for months i straight ignore his presence because i’m tired of his getting away with mean snide comments, breaking my stuff and messing with me on purpose and getting away with it. everyone in my life says i’m in the wrong because i didn’t play with it as much, but i’m still hurt my parents always let my brother win over me and love him more then me. while now i’m in better terms with my brother due to my nephew being born but i can’t help but feel anger towards him.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
about 3 years ago when i (f) was 17 and my brother who was in (30) had a huge blowout after her stole from me. about two or three christmas ago my parents got me a ps4. my brother made a huge stink saying how i didn’t deserve it and barely played with it and he should have it. i also had a nintendo switch i loved to play with and thought well since my brother has a ps3 and wants mine i’ll give it to him for christmas and trade for the 3. i come home to find my brother who doesn’t live with us came over and broke into my room and stole it and honestly i was livid. what hurt the most was my parents let him get away with it. saying because i didn’t play with as much it’s fair he decided to take it. my mom said that she didn’t want to ruin her relationship with my brother or make him upset or not have him in there life but when i asked if she okay with me being upset and not having me in their life she didn’t say anything. for some context my brother is the favorite and my mom always take his side no matter how awful he is to me. now flash forward to the ps5 release my brother got in and now has a ps3,4 and 5 i asked him if i could finally have it back and again it was another huge blowout. my parents are fine with letting him steal from me and getting to have three consul’s. my brother is 13 years older than me and gets away with acting like a child. i was forced to apologize and make peace and he never one said sorry. so for months i straight ignore his presence because i’m tired of his getting away with mean snide comments, breaking my stuff and messing with me on purpose and getting away with it. everyone in my life says i’m in the wrong because i didn’t play with it as much, but i’m still hurt my parents always let my brother win over me and love him more then me. while now i’m in better terms with my brother due to my nephew being born but i can’t help but feel anger towards him. [/INST] nta. your brother and parents are abusive. you need to get out and gray rock as soon as possible. </s>
|
AITA for not seeing my best friend in person on his birthday because I quit smoking?
|
(english is not my first language, so i apologize for any typo)
i quit smoking after 15 years (i'm f30) only a couple of days ago. so it's all still very new and fresh.
my best friends birthday is coming up next week and a couple of days ago (before i quit) he asked me to go out for ice cream that day. i happily agreed, but today i texted him and asked if it would be ok for him not to smoke when we're together as i try to avoid smokers in this early stage until i feel a bit stronger and trust myself not to relapse.
he said he can't, he's always smoked more than me and he likes to smoke, he can't go two or three hours without. i can understand that, i've had the same mindset for years, it's a serious addiction and i'm not trying to impose me quitting on anybody else.
so i asked him if we want to do anything else on his birthday, like eating ice cream via facetime etc and he was having non of it, called me selfish and basically stopped talking to me.
so reddit, aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/heazkz/aita_for_not_seeing_my_best_friend_in_person_on/
|
2020-06-23 08:43:48
|
nta
congratulations on starting to quit!! good luck and you can do this💪
|
nta. you’re trying to make sure you don’t relapse. it’s a bit cheesy but it makes me think of those “surround yourself with what you want to be” posters you would see back in school. if he can’t stop for a few hours for you then it’s probably for the best you don’t see him.
|
nta. your friend isn't looking at both sides of this. i quit smoking a few years ago and those first few weeks were the hardest. being around someone while they smoked absolutely would have ruined any progress i made. even now, it's a bit of a struggle to be around cigarette smoke.
|
nta. he doesn't support your choices. also, would it be that hard to just go away while smoking? stay strong!
|
nta. and a true friend would try to help you reach your goal... in this case would simply not smoke for the hour or so you're together.
|
nta
well done for quitting
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: (english is not my first language, so i apologize for any typo) i quit smoking after 15 years (i'm f30) only a couple of days ago. so it's all still very new and fresh. my best friends birthday is coming up next week and a couple of days ago (before i quit) he asked me to go out for ice cream that day. i happily agreed, but today i texted him and asked if it would be ok for him not to smoke when we're together as i try to avoid smokers in this early stage until i feel a bit stronger and trust myself not to relapse. he said he can't, he's always smoked more than me and he likes to smoke, he can't go two or three hours without. i can understand that, i've had the same mindset for years, it's a serious addiction and i'm not trying to impose me quitting on anybody else. so i asked him if we want to do anything else on his birthday, like eating ice cream via facetime etc and he was having non of it, called me selfish and basically stopped talking to me. so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
(english is not my first language, so i apologize for any typo) i quit smoking after 15 years (i'm f30) only a couple of days ago. so it's all still very new and fresh. my best friends birthday is coming up next week and a couple of days ago (before i quit) he asked me to go out for ice cream that day. i happily agreed, but today i texted him and asked if it would be ok for him not to smoke when we're together as i try to avoid smokers in this early stage until i feel a bit stronger and trust myself not to relapse. he said he can't, he's always smoked more than me and he likes to smoke, he can't go two or three hours without. i can understand that, i've had the same mindset for years, it's a serious addiction and i'm not trying to impose me quitting on anybody else. so i asked him if we want to do anything else on his birthday, like eating ice cream via facetime etc and he was having non of it, called me selfish and basically stopped talking to me. so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta congratulations on starting to quit!! good luck and you can do this💪 </s>
|
AITA for telling my friend of 14 years to move out of my house?
|
i’ve known this guy since elementary school, and he moved back from another state so i told him he could live on one of my spare bedrooms(he is 25 and i am 26, both males). he has been here for about 10 months. the first 8 months were fine, and then he got a girlfriend. i work from home, and i almost got fired because i work with documents that have sensitive info and have to do lots of zoom calls with clients. he gets in a screaming match with his mom on the phone. he is in the living room right next to my office. i came out yelling at him(not my proudest moment) that i can get fired if he does something like that while i’m on an important zoom call. he told me i was overreacting only for him to go outside and continue his loud phone call. that was the first issue. the second one that led me to tell him he has 30 days to move out was today. he was sick for 3 days, and staying in his room except to eat(which is perfectly fine). well he was feeling better today finally, and said he was going to hang out with his girlfriend. my only rule when he moved in is let me know if you are going to have people over which he agreed to. well he shows up with his girlfriend, who is in worse shape than he was at the height of him being sick. i told him calmly that it is very rude to just bring her here, and on top of that she is sick! i don’t want more chance of getting sick because he can’t spend 5 days away from her. he said i am an asshole for not letting him spend time taking care of her, which i replied in an angry tone, “she lives alone, go to her place!” that’s when i told him i want him out in 30 days. i don’t feel one bit bad with how rude he has been treating me over the last 2 months with little rude comments he makes my way. so….. am i the asshole?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x4k75s/aita_for_telling_my_friend_of_14_years_to_move/
|
2022-09-03 03:18:25
|
nta- not caring they put your career at risk is a huge nope. one lesson i've learned in life. sometimes friends make the worst roommates.
|
nta. you’re justified in your reasoning and 30 days is pretty standard notice.
|
nta - i think his behaviour is extremely rude, especially considering your job requirements. sounds like he is taking advamtage of the space you let him use, and he may be getting too comfortable lol. it seems unnecessary to scream on the phone to his mommy when his roommate is in an important call for work, when he could easily take his phone call elsewhere. also why tf would he bring his sick gf over to your house when she lives alone... lol
|
nta you gave him plenty of notice. the second he became a possible issue to your job was the second he needed a warning that he's used up his only strike.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’ve known this guy since elementary school, and he moved back from another state so i told him he could live on one of my spare bedrooms(he is 25 and i am 26, both males). he has been here for about 10 months. the first 8 months were fine, and then he got a girlfriend. i work from home, and i almost got fired because i work with documents that have sensitive info and have to do lots of zoom calls with clients. he gets in a screaming match with his mom on the phone. he is in the living room right next to my office. i came out yelling at him(not my proudest moment) that i can get fired if he does something like that while i’m on an important zoom call. he told me i was overreacting only for him to go outside and continue his loud phone call. that was the first issue. the second one that led me to tell him he has 30 days to move out was today. he was sick for 3 days, and staying in his room except to eat(which is perfectly fine). well he was feeling better today finally, and said he was going to hang out with his girlfriend. my only rule when he moved in is let me know if you are going to have people over which he agreed to. well he shows up with his girlfriend, who is in worse shape than he was at the height of him being sick. i told him calmly that it is very rude to just bring her here, and on top of that she is sick! i don’t want more chance of getting sick because he can’t spend 5 days away from her. he said i am an asshole for not letting him spend time taking care of her, which i replied in an angry tone, “she lives alone, go to her place!” that’s when i told him i want him out in 30 days. i don’t feel one bit bad with how rude he has been treating me over the last 2 months with little rude comments he makes my way. so….. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’ve known this guy since elementary school, and he moved back from another state so i told him he could live on one of my spare bedrooms(he is 25 and i am 26, both males). he has been here for about 10 months. the first 8 months were fine, and then he got a girlfriend. i work from home, and i almost got fired because i work with documents that have sensitive info and have to do lots of zoom calls with clients. he gets in a screaming match with his mom on the phone. he is in the living room right next to my office. i came out yelling at him(not my proudest moment) that i can get fired if he does something like that while i’m on an important zoom call. he told me i was overreacting only for him to go outside and continue his loud phone call. that was the first issue. the second one that led me to tell him he has 30 days to move out was today. he was sick for 3 days, and staying in his room except to eat(which is perfectly fine). well he was feeling better today finally, and said he was going to hang out with his girlfriend. my only rule when he moved in is let me know if you are going to have people over which he agreed to. well he shows up with his girlfriend, who is in worse shape than he was at the height of him being sick. i told him calmly that it is very rude to just bring her here, and on top of that she is sick! i don’t want more chance of getting sick because he can’t spend 5 days away from her. he said i am an asshole for not letting him spend time taking care of her, which i replied in an angry tone, “she lives alone, go to her place!” that’s when i told him i want him out in 30 days. i don’t feel one bit bad with how rude he has been treating me over the last 2 months with little rude comments he makes my way. so….. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta- not caring they put your career at risk is a huge nope. one lesson i've learned in life. sometimes friends make the worst roommates. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to cover up more
|
bit of backstory my grandparents (late 70’s/early 80’s) moved into my mother’s house with my mother and i in september. it’s only been the 2 of us in a 4 bed since my older brother and my grandparents needed to be supported in day to day activity’s so it seemed like the best thing.
onto what happened there hasn’t been many issues between my grandparents and i since they moved in bc i’m at uni a lot and it was cold so i was wearing hoodies and jeans, there were comments that i wasn’t dressed ladylike enough but i just ignored them. recently tho it’s been getting hotter so i’ve been wearing less, i wear sports bras and leggings to the gym or on runs and wear shorts/skirts semi-regularly at home and since it hot i’ve been wearing that a lot more even if not going to the gym just bc it’s comfy and cooler. my grandad has been making comments about what i’m wearing, i’m showing too much skin, it isn’t appropriate to wear crop tops/shorts/short skirts, i should be more ladylike and wear dresses and heels more, stuff like that. i should also point out that i’m autistic and i’ve struggled with the changes they’ve made since moving in but i’ve put up with it bc they’re my grandparents and i have to respect them, one thing i really struggle with is switches being the wrong way round, which my grandad also makes comments about as i always fix the light switches when i’m home as otherwise i can’t relax.
my mother and nana have both asked me to just cover up more and put up with it to make my grandad happy and so far i have but no one in the house (my mother sometimes does) makes sure the switches are the right way round and it’s really been affecting me, i think it’s just bc there’s been so many changes and i’ve been moved downstairs away from everyone else despite me not wanting to and the light switches is just one thing too much for me. since no one tries to make me comfortable i’ve decided i don’t care what any of them say about the way i dress and started dressing how i want again. i wear sports bras (cover more then some of my crop tops do) and leggings, pjs (not see through and longish shorts), skirts and whatever else i want and have been getting shit from them all about it. i told them to either be fine with me dressing like this or do one thing to help me feel more comfortable in my own house that i pay rent to live in whilst my grandparents do not. they all told me i was being an asshole and to just put up with it but i’ve refused. i’ve had to just put up with so much recently, them moving in, my being moved downstairs despite me not wanting to, changing the way i dress and act and so much more i just want then to make sure all the light switches are the same way round.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/npubvw/aita_for_refusing_to_cover_up_more/
|
2021-06-01 13:41:41
|
nta. you pay rent. your grandfather can pound sand.
|
"grandad! why are you talking sexually about your grand-daughter's body? it's really uncomfortable for me! why are you thinking about my breasts? "
say that once and it might end the problem.
|
nta. tell your mother that if they try to make you change the way you live in your own home, you will no longer be paying rent. it is not fair of your grandparents to try to force you into their standards.
|
nta. im sorry but it is 2021. i get your grandparents are older and probably don’t understand that we don’t go outside dressed in 14 layers and skirts down to our ankles but it’s time to wake up to reality. it is your body, and ultimately your decision on what you want to wear. clothing is supposed to be a freedom of expression and whatever you feel comfortable in. don’t let them tell you what you can or can’t wear.
|
nta - make time to sit down with your mother without your grandparents around, even if the two of you have to go out to a coffee shop to do it.
point out to your mother that you have made a lot of changes in order to accommodate your grandparents' needs - including giving up your room - and that it's unreasonable of them to expect you to dress like it's 1950.
then tell her that the light switches is literally just one thing too far given your personal needs, and while you understand her need to keep her parents happy you will be unable to continue living with her if she cannot be more supportive of *you*.
let her know that you are going to start looking for a place, and if things do not improve then you will be giving her 30 days notice and moving out on your own ~ so that everyone can be more comfortable~.
don't phrase this as a threat - that would give her room to pretend that you are being immature.
simply point out that it doesn't seem to be working for all of you to live together.
and in order for everyone to feel more comfortable, if she is unwilling to be supportive of your needs because she must focus on her parents, then you understand that and you will be moving out on your own.
|
so your mother who was fine with you dressing the way you want, prefers to keep your grandfather happy when he's the one who's being unreasonable and rude? wow. mother of the year that one.
nta. even if you didn't pay rent, you like anybody else should be comfortable. the fact others are enabling his behavior is appalling. but hey since you do, tell your mother if they keep pressuring you then you will stop paying rent. that includes being moved back upstairs because it's your home too while you pay for it.
|
nta. don’t compromise on what gives you comfort based on some outdated principles. your grandpa sounds just like the guy that would say, they asked for it because their clothes were so revealing.
| null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: bit of backstory my grandparents (late 70’s/early 80’s) moved into my mother’s house with my mother and i in september. it’s only been the 2 of us in a 4 bed since my older brother and my grandparents needed to be supported in day to day activity’s so it seemed like the best thing. onto what happened there hasn’t been many issues between my grandparents and i since they moved in bc i’m at uni a lot and it was cold so i was wearing hoodies and jeans, there were comments that i wasn’t dressed ladylike enough but i just ignored them. recently tho it’s been getting hotter so i’ve been wearing less, i wear sports bras and leggings to the gym or on runs and wear shorts/skirts semi-regularly at home and since it hot i’ve been wearing that a lot more even if not going to the gym just bc it’s comfy and cooler. my grandad has been making comments about what i’m wearing, i’m showing too much skin, it isn’t appropriate to wear crop tops/shorts/short skirts, i should be more ladylike and wear dresses and heels more, stuff like that. i should also point out that i’m autistic and i’ve struggled with the changes they’ve made since moving in but i’ve put up with it bc they’re my grandparents and i have to respect them, one thing i really struggle with is switches being the wrong way round, which my grandad also makes comments about as i always fix the light switches when i’m home as otherwise i can’t relax. my mother and nana have both asked me to just cover up more and put up with it to make my grandad happy and so far i have but no one in the house (my mother sometimes does) makes sure the switches are the right way round and it’s really been affecting me, i think it’s just bc there’s been so many changes and i’ve been moved downstairs away from everyone else despite me not wanting to and the light switches is just one thing too much for me. since no one tries to make me comfortable i’ve decided i don’t care what any of them say about the way i dress and started dressing how i want again. i wear sports bras (cover more then some of my crop tops do) and leggings, pjs (not see through and longish shorts), skirts and whatever else i want and have been getting shit from them all about it. i told them to either be fine with me dressing like this or do one thing to help me feel more comfortable in my own house that i pay rent to live in whilst my grandparents do not. they all told me i was being an asshole and to just put up with it but i’ve refused. i’ve had to just put up with so much recently, them moving in, my being moved downstairs despite me not wanting to, changing the way i dress and act and so much more i just want then to make sure all the light switches are the same way round.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
bit of backstory my grandparents (late 70’s/early 80’s) moved into my mother’s house with my mother and i in september. it’s only been the 2 of us in a 4 bed since my older brother and my grandparents needed to be supported in day to day activity’s so it seemed like the best thing. onto what happened there hasn’t been many issues between my grandparents and i since they moved in bc i’m at uni a lot and it was cold so i was wearing hoodies and jeans, there were comments that i wasn’t dressed ladylike enough but i just ignored them. recently tho it’s been getting hotter so i’ve been wearing less, i wear sports bras and leggings to the gym or on runs and wear shorts/skirts semi-regularly at home and since it hot i’ve been wearing that a lot more even if not going to the gym just bc it’s comfy and cooler. my grandad has been making comments about what i’m wearing, i’m showing too much skin, it isn’t appropriate to wear crop tops/shorts/short skirts, i should be more ladylike and wear dresses and heels more, stuff like that. i should also point out that i’m autistic and i’ve struggled with the changes they’ve made since moving in but i’ve put up with it bc they’re my grandparents and i have to respect them, one thing i really struggle with is switches being the wrong way round, which my grandad also makes comments about as i always fix the light switches when i’m home as otherwise i can’t relax. my mother and nana have both asked me to just cover up more and put up with it to make my grandad happy and so far i have but no one in the house (my mother sometimes does) makes sure the switches are the right way round and it’s really been affecting me, i think it’s just bc there’s been so many changes and i’ve been moved downstairs away from everyone else despite me not wanting to and the light switches is just one thing too much for me. since no one tries to make me comfortable i’ve decided i don’t care what any of them say about the way i dress and started dressing how i want again. i wear sports bras (cover more then some of my crop tops do) and leggings, pjs (not see through and longish shorts), skirts and whatever else i want and have been getting shit from them all about it. i told them to either be fine with me dressing like this or do one thing to help me feel more comfortable in my own house that i pay rent to live in whilst my grandparents do not. they all told me i was being an asshole and to just put up with it but i’ve refused. i’ve had to just put up with so much recently, them moving in, my being moved downstairs despite me not wanting to, changing the way i dress and act and so much more i just want then to make sure all the light switches are the same way round. [/INST] nta. you pay rent. your grandfather can pound sand. </s>
|
WIBTA if I destroy my neighbors property?
|
my neighbors have an "ultrasonic dog and cat repellent" but it's not really that ultrasonic because i can hear it. it's really loud. at this point i can't even go outside because of how loud and annoying it is. they have it turned on 24/7. even at night! i'm guessing that they don't hear it because they're pretty old but it's really bothering me and a few others in the neighborhood. and to top of all of that, it's not even working. i still see stray cats near their house.
we've already asked them to turn it off but they refused to.
so will i be the asshole if i decide to take things into my own hands and sneak on their property, take the damn thing, open it up and cut some wires so it doesn't work anymore? as i've said, they probably wouldn't even notice because they're old.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v4muyj/wibta_if_i_destroy_my_neighbors_property/
|
2022-06-04 11:22:43
|
esh. i'm sympathetic, but can assure you that it only opens yourself up to liability. contact your local le with a noise complaint and encourage your neighbors to do the same. file more noise complaints as warranted. i bet there are apps or other tools you could used to measure the noise frequency and confirm it's in a normal hearing range.
perhaps consult r/legaladvice for more practical advice that doesn't involve criminality.
|
if others are hearing it too, then it’s time to lodge a formal complaint with the police. they’ll be able to hear the issue as well and ask them to turn it off. ywbta if you destroyed. nta for contacting the city/police
|
ywbta. don't destroy people's things. if it's really that loud just call the non emergency police later at night past courtesy hours.
|
nta. but destroying it isnt a good move, go to the cops file a noise complaint
|
info: can others hear it or just you? if others, call the non emergency police line and put ina noise complaint. they will come check it out and perhaps convince them to turn it off. go to your hoa if you have one as well.
yes, ywbta and the criminal if you destroyed property.
|
call in a noise complaint every night. but destroying their property would make yta.
|
would contacting the city be a option or police? if they can't hear it , is there a way to turn it off without destroying it 😂
i'd like to think nta because you already asked them hopefully nicely but i could be wrong 😂
|
start calling in noise complaints every single day. that will put pressure on the police/hoa to pressure the neighbors.
next get motion lights, super bright ones, that come on anytime they are outside their house.
i too would want to destroy the device, but you are more likely to get caught than to be successful
|
ywbta if you destroyed their property. you’d also have some criminal exposure. have you tried talking to them?
|
yta you cannot destroy their property. it may be set at the wrong frequency. try suggesting that to them. if that doesn’t work, file some sort of ordinance complaint, depending on where you live …be it hoa, county noise complaint etc
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
NTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.30209 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my neighbors have an "ultrasonic dog and cat repellent" but it's not really that ultrasonic because i can hear it. it's really loud. at this point i can't even go outside because of how loud and annoying it is. they have it turned on 24/7. even at night! i'm guessing that they don't hear it because they're pretty old but it's really bothering me and a few others in the neighborhood. and to top of all of that, it's not even working. i still see stray cats near their house. we've already asked them to turn it off but they refused to. so will i be the asshole if i decide to take things into my own hands and sneak on their property, take the damn thing, open it up and cut some wires so it doesn't work anymore? as i've said, they probably wouldn't even notice because they're old.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my neighbors have an "ultrasonic dog and cat repellent" but it's not really that ultrasonic because i can hear it. it's really loud. at this point i can't even go outside because of how loud and annoying it is. they have it turned on 24/7. even at night! i'm guessing that they don't hear it because they're pretty old but it's really bothering me and a few others in the neighborhood. and to top of all of that, it's not even working. i still see stray cats near their house. we've already asked them to turn it off but they refused to. so will i be the asshole if i decide to take things into my own hands and sneak on their property, take the damn thing, open it up and cut some wires so it doesn't work anymore? as i've said, they probably wouldn't even notice because they're old. [/INST] esh. i'm sympathetic, but can assure you that it only opens yourself up to liability. contact your local le with a noise complaint and encourage your neighbors to do the same. file more noise complaints as warranted. i bet there are apps or other tools you could used to measure the noise frequency and confirm it's in a normal hearing range. perhaps consult r/legaladvice for more practical advice that doesn't involve criminality. </s>
|
AITA for calling the sheriffs department/pet control on my neighbors?
|
so the neighbors have a dog that is always running around free. i don’t have a problem with it ever since he’s a sweet dog that comes over for snacks and rubs. however this weekend we got hit with a snowstorm and the dog was outside in the morning before i went to work.
i brought him inside since it was below 10 f due to windchill and snow pouring down until his owners got home from work since i thought he escaped. it’s been a whole two days and there still not back. i’m sure if i wouldn’t have taken spot in he would’ve possibly died from being outside for over 24 hours.
the neighbors are friendly people and i have never had any problems with them, but i just feel like they don’t deserve this dog and i’m planning on calling the shelter on monday or possibly reporting it to the sheriffs. while they are nice leaving your dog outside is inexcusable. so aita for contacting the sheriff/shelter to come take their dog away?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ap6k5t/aita_for_calling_the_sheriffs_departmentpet/
|
2019-02-10 18:15:37
|
nta for wanting to help- but i hope you know what you're doing by sending an adult dog to the shelter. i don't know about the municipal shelters where you live, but every place i've lived in the us a dog going to a shelter is usually a one way trip.
|
nta. if the neighbors have been gone for over 2 days, i feel it's warranted to call pet control. even if it wasn't so cold, 2 days without refilling food, water, or even letting spot out is terrible.
|
nta. two days he would have been in freezing conditions and the owners aren't even home. even if he did escape and wasn't supposed to be outside, he would have been locked up alone for two days thus far. did they leave food and water for him? how's he supposed to go potty if he was inside? regardless of how nice they are to humans, take that dog and report them for animal cruelty. in no way shape or form is it acceptable to leave your dog alone for two days, and especially not outside in a snowstorm.
|
nta but also info.. have you spoken to or seen your neighbors since? when i was a kid my neighbors got into a car accident, they both died and my family noticed that their car hadn't been home in a few days, we knew they had cats so went over (we had a spare key as they were family friends) and fed the poor cats.
so 100% not the asshole cause i have two puppers and it really makes me sad to think if something happened to me they might be neglected. you did the right thing to take care of the pup. but as others pointed out sending an adult dog to a shelter usually means they put them down. just see where your neighbors are and talk to them about it first. there is most likely a reason as to why the puppy was out
|
could you talk to the neighbors when they get back about all this? i know where you’re coming from but sending a dog to a shelter, especially an adult dog, doesn’t usually end very well. try to get their side of the story first, just for safety.
|
contact animal control. they're not evil. they'll talk to the owners about the city rules for pet care and potentially give them a citation. they'll either get their shit together, or the next time they may end up losing the dog.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so the neighbors have a dog that is always running around free. i don’t have a problem with it ever since he’s a sweet dog that comes over for snacks and rubs. however this weekend we got hit with a snowstorm and the dog was outside in the morning before i went to work. i brought him inside since it was below 10 f due to windchill and snow pouring down until his owners got home from work since i thought he escaped. it’s been a whole two days and there still not back. i’m sure if i wouldn’t have taken spot in he would’ve possibly died from being outside for over 24 hours. the neighbors are friendly people and i have never had any problems with them, but i just feel like they don’t deserve this dog and i’m planning on calling the shelter on monday or possibly reporting it to the sheriffs. while they are nice leaving your dog outside is inexcusable. so aita for contacting the sheriff/shelter to come take their dog away?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so the neighbors have a dog that is always running around free. i don’t have a problem with it ever since he’s a sweet dog that comes over for snacks and rubs. however this weekend we got hit with a snowstorm and the dog was outside in the morning before i went to work. i brought him inside since it was below 10 f due to windchill and snow pouring down until his owners got home from work since i thought he escaped. it’s been a whole two days and there still not back. i’m sure if i wouldn’t have taken spot in he would’ve possibly died from being outside for over 24 hours. the neighbors are friendly people and i have never had any problems with them, but i just feel like they don’t deserve this dog and i’m planning on calling the shelter on monday or possibly reporting it to the sheriffs. while they are nice leaving your dog outside is inexcusable. so aita for contacting the sheriff/shelter to come take their dog away? [/INST] nta for wanting to help- but i hope you know what you're doing by sending an adult dog to the shelter. i don't know about the municipal shelters where you live, but every place i've lived in the us a dog going to a shelter is usually a one way trip. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to showcase my weight loss on social media?
|
i (22f) am not, when you first take a good look at me, apparently overweight. my bmi is normal, my clothes fit me well, and i’m overall really healthy. i still, however, have a high percentage of body fat and decided, about four months ago, to hire a dietitian (i’m not from the us, this is the closest equivalent i could find) to come up with a personal diet for me, and we have appointments once a month to track my progress and see how things are going. i really like the job she’s done so far and i’ve managed to lose weight in a healthy way, eating pretty much whatever i want, and this has been noticed by other people as well.
during our last two appointments, however, she kept insisting that i should post about my weight loss on my instagram page (like, take a picture of whatever meal i am having and tag her, or post selfies of myself at the gym, etc). i understand where she’s coming from because my country is currently deeply immersed in the influencer wave — if you want to do well on your field, social media is the way to go, especially when it comes to weight loss since many many people are having issues with this due to the pandemic. it’s a way for her to get new patients and make more money, which is useful since we’re going through a financisl crisis. i get that. i am not, however, a social media person. i have only a little over 300 followers, i don’t like to showcase personal aspects of my life, i rarely post pictures of myself, and i would feel extremely uncomfortable having to document my weight loss just so that people can see that she’s good at what she does. i told her so and she wasn’t happy about it, but dropped the subject. she has, however, been insisting that i post it to instagram everytime we talk about my routine. i don’t see how i could be in the wrong here, but i talked to a friend who’s in college to become a dietitian and she claims i am ta because it doesn’t require a huge effort to do what she’s asking every once in a while, and it could help her do better financially.
aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pl9hql/aita_for_not_wanting_to_showcase_my_weight_loss/
|
2021-09-09 23:43:42
|
nta
and it is unethical of her to try to persuade you to sacrifice your privacy for her benefit.
|
nta
if she wants you to advertise for her, ask her how much she is paying. you are her client, you are paying her, she isn't "doing you a favor", so there is no reason you should be doing her a favor.
on a side note, i would be uncomfortable if a professional was pressuring me to do something as benign as writing a google review, let alone post some type of jared "before and after" picture to various sm accounts.
|
nta: you are not a commodity, you are a person.
it's fair that it will help your dietician, and if it were something you were interested in that would be lovely, but making yourself uncomfortable, sharing personal aspects of yourself because it would make a good ad for someone isn't a fair ask.
you're not an advertiser, marketer, you're not an ad spot, or a commodity she's entitled to for working with you. you're a patient, you're a person, you're being offered a service. you help her business by patronizing it, you owe nothing else.
stick to your guns and dont let people objectify you.
|
nta, if she’s not giving you free services in exchange, to be honest i would maybe look for another dietitian
|
nta. that is mad awkward and i would be super uncomfortable if someone pressured me to do something like that.
|
nta. u der no circumstances are you ever the ah for not doing something you are uncomfortable with.
her request originally was fine - you acknowledge the benefits of advertising she would gain - however she should have dropped it once you said you were not comfortable with it.
her pushing it in you repeatedly is highly unprofessional. next time she brings it up, offer to do as she's asked but only if she's happy with you captioning it to say *"this post is being made at the direct insistence of my dietician who ignored my discomfort with this post"* see if she wants that sort of advertising.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (22f) am not, when you first take a good look at me, apparently overweight. my bmi is normal, my clothes fit me well, and i’m overall really healthy. i still, however, have a high percentage of body fat and decided, about four months ago, to hire a dietitian (i’m not from the us, this is the closest equivalent i could find) to come up with a personal diet for me, and we have appointments once a month to track my progress and see how things are going. i really like the job she’s done so far and i’ve managed to lose weight in a healthy way, eating pretty much whatever i want, and this has been noticed by other people as well. during our last two appointments, however, she kept insisting that i should post about my weight loss on my instagram page (like, take a picture of whatever meal i am having and tag her, or post selfies of myself at the gym, etc). i understand where she’s coming from because my country is currently deeply immersed in the influencer wave — if you want to do well on your field, social media is the way to go, especially when it comes to weight loss since many many people are having issues with this due to the pandemic. it’s a way for her to get new patients and make more money, which is useful since we’re going through a financisl crisis. i get that. i am not, however, a social media person. i have only a little over 300 followers, i don’t like to showcase personal aspects of my life, i rarely post pictures of myself, and i would feel extremely uncomfortable having to document my weight loss just so that people can see that she’s good at what she does. i told her so and she wasn’t happy about it, but dropped the subject. she has, however, been insisting that i post it to instagram everytime we talk about my routine. i don’t see how i could be in the wrong here, but i talked to a friend who’s in college to become a dietitian and she claims i am ta because it doesn’t require a huge effort to do what she’s asking every once in a while, and it could help her do better financially. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) am not, when you first take a good look at me, apparently overweight. my bmi is normal, my clothes fit me well, and i’m overall really healthy. i still, however, have a high percentage of body fat and decided, about four months ago, to hire a dietitian (i’m not from the us, this is the closest equivalent i could find) to come up with a personal diet for me, and we have appointments once a month to track my progress and see how things are going. i really like the job she’s done so far and i’ve managed to lose weight in a healthy way, eating pretty much whatever i want, and this has been noticed by other people as well. during our last two appointments, however, she kept insisting that i should post about my weight loss on my instagram page (like, take a picture of whatever meal i am having and tag her, or post selfies of myself at the gym, etc). i understand where she’s coming from because my country is currently deeply immersed in the influencer wave — if you want to do well on your field, social media is the way to go, especially when it comes to weight loss since many many people are having issues with this due to the pandemic. it’s a way for her to get new patients and make more money, which is useful since we’re going through a financisl crisis. i get that. i am not, however, a social media person. i have only a little over 300 followers, i don’t like to showcase personal aspects of my life, i rarely post pictures of myself, and i would feel extremely uncomfortable having to document my weight loss just so that people can see that she’s good at what she does. i told her so and she wasn’t happy about it, but dropped the subject. she has, however, been insisting that i post it to instagram everytime we talk about my routine. i don’t see how i could be in the wrong here, but i talked to a friend who’s in college to become a dietitian and she claims i am ta because it doesn’t require a huge effort to do what she’s asking every once in a while, and it could help her do better financially. aita? [/INST] nta and it is unethical of her to try to persuade you to sacrifice your privacy for her benefit. </s>
|
AITA For not including my coworkers in a bridesmaids' surprise?
|
i (19f) have two very good friends who i work with in a cafe. one of them is getting married this year and asked us to be her bridesmaids. i was beyond the moon and very excited for her.
well, both of us decided to pull a last minute surprise as she was going to her home country soon and is getting married there (i will be attending). the day before her last day, we got her some balloons, some flowers, a nice card and few other bits to make her day and remind her how special she truly is to us. we were going to give it to her before i left work the next day.
the next day comes and we make the surprise, she is very happy and couldn't stop crying, along with us!! we made her the surprise when she wasn't looking and one of the supervisors was watching us and decided to take a few pics of us. well, these were posted on the group chat and the next day, another colleague asked us why we didn't include her in the surprise and we told her that this was a surprise from the bridesmaids only and we have only started this job not that long ago (less than 2 months). we moved on but today, 2 weeks later, another colleague of us who we don't really like, told me she felt awkward not knowing about the surprise as according to her everyone could've put a small amount of money towards the surprise and i explained again that it was a bridesmaids only surprise. it was something special from us and i had told the manager about this and if he wanted, he could've bought a card for everyone to sign to give her before she left. she still gave me weird talks and words about it but i still feel a bit strange about this.
aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uu09z6/aita_for_not_including_my_coworkers_in_a/
|
2022-05-20 15:56:51
|
yta.
weddings are not generally work related events, they are personal events. by choosing to make the surprise only from the bridal party and no one else, you not only excluded your work mates but also sent a very loud message that they are not included. when two of these work mates brought this to your attention after, you reiterated that they are not included.
if you wanted to surprise the bride before she left the country and not include your work mates you should have chosen a location other than your work place. otherwise, a going away or celebratory event should have included everyone.
|
this is really no assholes here but i’ll put yta just a little bit. it’s not really appropriate to do a private personal celebration at work. if you’re planning on doing a party at work you should make it work related and include everyone. if you want to keep it to just a couple of people, do it after work somewhere else. if you were just giving her cards and a chocolate or something, that might have been ok, but balloons and flowers and stuff that’s going to make her emotional is too much for work.
|
yta only because you did this at work and seem to think it's weird that your work colleagues would want to help celebrate. what's the harm of including coworkers so they could get a card or otherwise help celebrate? you could still do the bulk of the work and i'm sure your friend would know/appreciate you specifically. if you did want a purely "bridesmaid only surprise" (which is totally fine that's your decision) then again why do it at work, why not outside of work?
|
yta
why would you have a “bridesmaid” only surprise at *work* and then cut out all of your colleagues from participating?
|
info - why did you give her the present in front of everyone at work? it sounds like this was either a personal surprise and then should have not been done at work. if you wanted it to be a work surprise, why wouldn't you include coworkers?
|
very slight yta for throwing a personal event at work. totally understand that this was probably the one opportunity you had to do it but it still should have been a private thing between the bridesmaids and the bride based off the details given. throwing a surprise at work and then excluding your fellow coworkers is just kind of rude, whether you care for them or not.
| null | null | null | null |
YTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.105326 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (19f) have two very good friends who i work with in a cafe. one of them is getting married this year and asked us to be her bridesmaids. i was beyond the moon and very excited for her. well, both of us decided to pull a last minute surprise as she was going to her home country soon and is getting married there (i will be attending). the day before her last day, we got her some balloons, some flowers, a nice card and few other bits to make her day and remind her how special she truly is to us. we were going to give it to her before i left work the next day. the next day comes and we make the surprise, she is very happy and couldn't stop crying, along with us!! we made her the surprise when she wasn't looking and one of the supervisors was watching us and decided to take a few pics of us. well, these were posted on the group chat and the next day, another colleague asked us why we didn't include her in the surprise and we told her that this was a surprise from the bridesmaids only and we have only started this job not that long ago (less than 2 months). we moved on but today, 2 weeks later, another colleague of us who we don't really like, told me she felt awkward not knowing about the surprise as according to her everyone could've put a small amount of money towards the surprise and i explained again that it was a bridesmaids only surprise. it was something special from us and i had told the manager about this and if he wanted, he could've bought a card for everyone to sign to give her before she left. she still gave me weird talks and words about it but i still feel a bit strange about this. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (19f) have two very good friends who i work with in a cafe. one of them is getting married this year and asked us to be her bridesmaids. i was beyond the moon and very excited for her. well, both of us decided to pull a last minute surprise as she was going to her home country soon and is getting married there (i will be attending). the day before her last day, we got her some balloons, some flowers, a nice card and few other bits to make her day and remind her how special she truly is to us. we were going to give it to her before i left work the next day. the next day comes and we make the surprise, she is very happy and couldn't stop crying, along with us!! we made her the surprise when she wasn't looking and one of the supervisors was watching us and decided to take a few pics of us. well, these were posted on the group chat and the next day, another colleague asked us why we didn't include her in the surprise and we told her that this was a surprise from the bridesmaids only and we have only started this job not that long ago (less than 2 months). we moved on but today, 2 weeks later, another colleague of us who we don't really like, told me she felt awkward not knowing about the surprise as according to her everyone could've put a small amount of money towards the surprise and i explained again that it was a bridesmaids only surprise. it was something special from us and i had told the manager about this and if he wanted, he could've bought a card for everyone to sign to give her before she left. she still gave me weird talks and words about it but i still feel a bit strange about this. aita? [/INST] yta. weddings are not generally work related events, they are personal events. by choosing to make the surprise only from the bridal party and no one else, you not only excluded your work mates but also sent a very loud message that they are not included. when two of these work mates brought this to your attention after, you reiterated that they are not included. if you wanted to surprise the bride before she left the country and not include your work mates you should have chosen a location other than your work place. otherwise, a going away or celebratory event should have included everyone. </s>
|
WIBTA if I didn't sell my house to these people
|
i unexpectedly inherited the large estate of a distant relative, my dad’s sister with whom he had been estranged for years due to her lifestyle. basically, she was an alcoholic and a gold digger. she and her late husband never had children, and i’m an only child in an otherwise small family, so it seems like she thought it would be nice to leave me all of her assets. weird, unexpected, but here we are.
she has a co-op in the city that i’m planning on moving into myself, but has a beautiful country home up in connecticut that i’m planning on selling. it’s a victorian mansion on a considerable plot of land, including a small lake.
the house is paid off, but was in poor shape as apparently her usage of the property declined with her mental health in the years before her death. i’ve spent all summer pouring my own sweat and cash into fixing things up to be able to get top dollar for it. additionally, i had to pay off a not inconsiderable tax lien. so it’s by no means 100% free money, but damn close. i’ve poured maybe 50k into it (my life savings + a loan) and asking price is in the low seven figures.
this weekend we received a unique offer. not totally lowball or unfair, but truthfully it is kind of low and i was hoping to get more, and my realtor thinks i definitely can, because we priced it aggressively to begin with. the offer came with a folder, a multi-page letter and a family tree. a cute couple had traced their family back to the 1800’s when them immigrated, and it turns out that their great-great-great-great-grandfather built the house by hand, and it was their family farm and main residence for nearly a hundred years until they lost it to the bank in the aftermath of the 1929 wall street crash. an incredible story. they had ancestry website printouts, public record copies, the story checks out. the explained that they didn’t have full asking price, but it would mean so much to them to be able to purchase the house and bring it back into their family. they said they had been watching and waiting for years for it to go on the market.
i shared this with my friends and family because i thought it was very cool, but people have seemed shocked and disgusted to hear that i don’t plan on accepting. i personally don’t think their sob story is worth \~100k. people are saying it’s not like it’s really my house or that i have any real attachment to it either financially or personally, it’s basically free money, i should pass on my lucky break to others. but i’m young, i don’t know what the future holds. i might want to have kids, i know i want to travel, i’ve long dreamed of opening my own business in the city and we all know nyc isn’t cheap. i think it seems dumb to just piss away money on strangers like that.
&#x200b;
tl;dr house has sentimental value to family that can't afford full asking price
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cave73/wibta_if_i_didnt_sell_my_house_to_these_people/
|
2019-07-09 03:32:47
|
nah - but ultimately your house, your decision.
their story is cool, but either they pay market value or they don't.
if they want the house that badly, they'll find the money.
this isn't your problem.
>i think it seems dumb to just piss away money on strangers like that.
this is your answer. you owe these people nothing. they asked, you said no. end of story.
|
nah. make a counter offer and see if they would be willing to budge on their budget. if not, then it’s up to you on whether you want to sell it to them or wait for a better deal.
|
i want this house to go to them so bad bc of the story!
except. there is not any story that makes losing out on roughly 100k worth it.
nta
|
nah because 100k is enough money that you don't want to just throw it away. it's still a business/financial transaction.
however, i really do think their situation is unique and lovely and if i were the seller of a house, i'd explore other ways to help make it work without losing money, whether that was giving them time to pull together more resources or... i don't know. i've never been close to spending that kind of money!
that said, pricing something aggressively stlll rarely means you'll get the sticker price. and, the more expensive a home is, the more room there is for negotiation (people typically negotiate on a 'percentage' of the value rather than at flat rates). i'm assuming the house is in the range of 1.2 to 1.5m so if they came shy by 50k of the asking price, i don't know that you'd do much better. 100k is a lot on paper but when the property is expensive enough, negotiations include bouncing around those kinds of figures. (disclaimer: your realtor will know better for your specific location, obviously. i'm just speaking broadly!)
|
offer seller financing for the remaining $100k, even if it’s over a longer period of time and/or interest free. that way they get the house they want so bad, and you get the remainder of the money in the form of monthly checks for the next however many years.
|
nah but that story is not worth 100k. 100k is college for a future child
|
info: is there anything else they can barter? are they willing to waive all inspections and take it completely as is and pay all costs involved such as appraisal, title fees, etc? would you consider telling them that you’d sell it to them if you get no other better offers and put their offer on the back burner? are you sure it will even appraise for the list price? realtors are pricing homes high because of low inventory and many appraisals have been coming in low (at least in my state). surely if you guys get creative you can figure out a way to make this work. also, research the buyers. google them. make sure they aren’t making up the fact that they can’t pay more. often times buyers will say they are tapped out when they actually aren’t.
source: am realtor
|
nta
i live in a hot housing market and when we bought our place our realtor suggested we write a letter to the sellers.
i'd assume the whole thing is a lie and they are gonna flip the house.
|
nah. even though you aren't as emotionally invested as others seem to be doesn't mean it isn't your house.
|
nta stories can be made up and embellished and selling a house is business not personal.
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null |
NAH
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
| 0.047528 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i unexpectedly inherited the large estate of a distant relative, my dad’s sister with whom he had been estranged for years due to her lifestyle. basically, she was an alcoholic and a gold digger. she and her late husband never had children, and i’m an only child in an otherwise small family, so it seems like she thought it would be nice to leave me all of her assets. weird, unexpected, but here we are. she has a co-op in the city that i’m planning on moving into myself, but has a beautiful country home up in connecticut that i’m planning on selling. it’s a victorian mansion on a considerable plot of land, including a small lake. the house is paid off, but was in poor shape as apparently her usage of the property declined with her mental health in the years before her death. i’ve spent all summer pouring my own sweat and cash into fixing things up to be able to get top dollar for it. additionally, i had to pay off a not inconsiderable tax lien. so it’s by no means 100% free money, but damn close. i’ve poured maybe 50k into it (my life savings + a loan) and asking price is in the low seven figures. this weekend we received a unique offer. not totally lowball or unfair, but truthfully it is kind of low and i was hoping to get more, and my realtor thinks i definitely can, because we priced it aggressively to begin with. the offer came with a folder, a multi-page letter and a family tree. a cute couple had traced their family back to the 1800’s when them immigrated, and it turns out that their great-great-great-great-grandfather built the house by hand, and it was their family farm and main residence for nearly a hundred years until they lost it to the bank in the aftermath of the 1929 wall street crash. an incredible story. they had ancestry website printouts, public record copies, the story checks out. the explained that they didn’t have full asking price, but it would mean so much to them to be able to purchase the house and bring it back into their family. they said they had been watching and waiting for years for it to go on the market. i shared this with my friends and family because i thought it was very cool, but people have seemed shocked and disgusted to hear that i don’t plan on accepting. i personally don’t think their sob story is worth \~100k. people are saying it’s not like it’s really my house or that i have any real attachment to it either financially or personally, it’s basically free money, i should pass on my lucky break to others. but i’m young, i don’t know what the future holds. i might want to have kids, i know i want to travel, i’ve long dreamed of opening my own business in the city and we all know nyc isn’t cheap. i think it seems dumb to just piss away money on strangers like that. &#x200b; tl;dr house has sentimental value to family that can't afford full asking price
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i unexpectedly inherited the large estate of a distant relative, my dad’s sister with whom he had been estranged for years due to her lifestyle. basically, she was an alcoholic and a gold digger. she and her late husband never had children, and i’m an only child in an otherwise small family, so it seems like she thought it would be nice to leave me all of her assets. weird, unexpected, but here we are. she has a co-op in the city that i’m planning on moving into myself, but has a beautiful country home up in connecticut that i’m planning on selling. it’s a victorian mansion on a considerable plot of land, including a small lake. the house is paid off, but was in poor shape as apparently her usage of the property declined with her mental health in the years before her death. i’ve spent all summer pouring my own sweat and cash into fixing things up to be able to get top dollar for it. additionally, i had to pay off a not inconsiderable tax lien. so it’s by no means 100% free money, but damn close. i’ve poured maybe 50k into it (my life savings + a loan) and asking price is in the low seven figures. this weekend we received a unique offer. not totally lowball or unfair, but truthfully it is kind of low and i was hoping to get more, and my realtor thinks i definitely can, because we priced it aggressively to begin with. the offer came with a folder, a multi-page letter and a family tree. a cute couple had traced their family back to the 1800’s when them immigrated, and it turns out that their great-great-great-great-grandfather built the house by hand, and it was their family farm and main residence for nearly a hundred years until they lost it to the bank in the aftermath of the 1929 wall street crash. an incredible story. they had ancestry website printouts, public record copies, the story checks out. the explained that they didn’t have full asking price, but it would mean so much to them to be able to purchase the house and bring it back into their family. they said they had been watching and waiting for years for it to go on the market. i shared this with my friends and family because i thought it was very cool, but people have seemed shocked and disgusted to hear that i don’t plan on accepting. i personally don’t think their sob story is worth \~100k. people are saying it’s not like it’s really my house or that i have any real attachment to it either financially or personally, it’s basically free money, i should pass on my lucky break to others. but i’m young, i don’t know what the future holds. i might want to have kids, i know i want to travel, i’ve long dreamed of opening my own business in the city and we all know nyc isn’t cheap. i think it seems dumb to just piss away money on strangers like that. &#x200b; tl;dr house has sentimental value to family that can't afford full asking price [/INST] nah - but ultimately your house, your decision. their story is cool, but either they pay market value or they don't. if they want the house that badly, they'll find the money. this isn't your problem. >i think it seems dumb to just piss away money on strangers like that. this is your answer. you owe these people nothing. they asked, you said no. end of story. </s>
|
AITA for suggesting to my mom that she gets a divorce with my dad?
|
i am an only child. my parents were never in love, and clearly never will be. my dad has a very large ego- he has been in jobs that somewhat warrant it. my mom is a nice pretty lady that minds her own business. but they do not get along. it has been quite obvious for the past decade or so and today i finally worked up the courage to tell my mom what i thought could be best. (this was around 15 minutes ago when my dad suddenly decided to be a jerk). she never denied that it was a bad idea but said that they “get along fine” which is them sitting in separate rooms and not talking. while i tried explaining this to her she started nervously laughing at shut me down. they have been married for 20 something years. i love both of them equally and want what is best for them, but i can’t get past this. my mom never said no. aita for suggesting it?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p92qg9/aita_for_suggesting_to_my_mom_that_she_gets_a/
|
2021-08-22 00:38:24
|
nta. but keep in mind she may have nowhere else to go and no way of making an income. that stops a lot of people from freeing themselves from bad situations. far more than that is the fear of the unknown and lack of belief in themselves.
|
soft yta. marriages are complicated and no two look the same. they almost never look anything like what you see in tv/movies or media. if your mom is fine with how her relationship is then it’s not your place to suggest she get out of it. you should definitely keep this info in your back pocket for the type of relationship you don’t want for yourself in the future. noticing the red flags in their relationship can help you later. i think you meant to be supportive but it may have come off as insensitive.
|
nah- you brought it up, she shut it down. it's her descision and their marriage isn't really any of your business. you would be ta if you don't accept that and continue to bring it up depite her being obviously uncomfortable with it
|
nta, but i’m an only child & i’ve said this to my mum & i can say from experience that after that long a marriage, staying together because divorce is messy & expensive is often the path many take. unwinding assets & a bunch of other things may be something your mum doesn’t want to deal with.
|
nah
i'm in a very similar situation and once you suggest it that's really all you can do. if you keep bringing it up your mom will start to get mad. in the end it's her decision whether to leave or stay, and though you don't agree with it you do have to accept it.
ignore the commenters saying it's none of your business. a parent's relationship absolutely effects the children as well, and an unhappy marriage will have a negative impact on you, which makes it your business as well.
sorry you have to go through this, but feel free to message me if you ever need to talk about it😊
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.264545 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am an only child. my parents were never in love, and clearly never will be. my dad has a very large ego- he has been in jobs that somewhat warrant it. my mom is a nice pretty lady that minds her own business. but they do not get along. it has been quite obvious for the past decade or so and today i finally worked up the courage to tell my mom what i thought could be best. (this was around 15 minutes ago when my dad suddenly decided to be a jerk). she never denied that it was a bad idea but said that they “get along fine” which is them sitting in separate rooms and not talking. while i tried explaining this to her she started nervously laughing at shut me down. they have been married for 20 something years. i love both of them equally and want what is best for them, but i can’t get past this. my mom never said no. aita for suggesting it?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am an only child. my parents were never in love, and clearly never will be. my dad has a very large ego- he has been in jobs that somewhat warrant it. my mom is a nice pretty lady that minds her own business. but they do not get along. it has been quite obvious for the past decade or so and today i finally worked up the courage to tell my mom what i thought could be best. (this was around 15 minutes ago when my dad suddenly decided to be a jerk). she never denied that it was a bad idea but said that they “get along fine” which is them sitting in separate rooms and not talking. while i tried explaining this to her she started nervously laughing at shut me down. they have been married for 20 something years. i love both of them equally and want what is best for them, but i can’t get past this. my mom never said no. aita for suggesting it? [/INST] nta. but keep in mind she may have nowhere else to go and no way of making an income. that stops a lot of people from freeing themselves from bad situations. far more than that is the fear of the unknown and lack of belief in themselves. </s>
|
AITA for giving my 6 and 3 year old sons fewer materialistic presents?
|
i have two sons, who are 6 and 3. we recently donated a lot of their old toys that they no longer play with. the break from the toy clutter was so refreshing for us as parents. although my kids were sad initially that we got rid of a lot of their toys, they too found the lack of clutter refreshing (because it's more room for them to roughhouse and run around probably). this christmas, i think that it will be better if we give our sons a max of 3 materialistic presents (those will be from santa) and get them an experience gift as well (a year long pass to the planetarium), which will be from us. however, in past christmases, they have easily gotten at least 8-10 presents each (not including presents from friends and extended family). i don't want to disappoint them on christmas morning when they see less presents under the tree, but i don't want to give them more presents that will just be crammed into the toy box after 10 minutes. am i right or wrong here?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e36xsf/aita_for_giving_my_6_and_3_year_old_sons_fewer/
|
2019-11-29 00:34:36
|
nah. it’s doubtful that kids that age are really going to notice that they received fewer gifts - they’re just going to be excited about the ones they do receive.
|
nah. you’re the parent, you give your children however many toys you wish. if they get upset, explain that material things are not everything, explain the cool experience gift you got them, etc. they should be at just the right age to start learning that things aren’t everything in this life.
|
nah. you're the parents, you can parent however you want. and well clearly your kids aren't ta...
i'm all for experience gifts but could you also fill out the change in number of gifts with gifts that are less "materialistic". something like books? that way they have something to unwrap and enjoy but it wouldn't just be junk to be piled up but something they can get something out of.
my only other question is...have you taken them to the planetarium before? are you familiar with it? and do you know if they'll enjoy it? i just know the one near me doesn't offer all that much to small children, only one of their shows is even suggested for under 5, and only 2 for under 7. my nephew is 2 going on 3 and i can't imagine him being that entertained by the planetarium for too long. maybe yours offer more programming for small children but it seems a little grown up for their ages.
|
nah but really this belongs on a parenting sub.
|
nah but the planetarium passes are an unexciting gift. they are too abstract for kids that young to understand and only as good as your willingness to make repeat visits (you might not actually do that). why not give a small space-themed toy and promise to take them to the planetarium as that gift? i feel you on the materialism but kids really do love toys. there has to be a right balance so that the gifts from both you and santa seem cool.
|
the planetarium sucks, try for something more engaging
|
nah and judgement passed from someone with no kids, but i really commend this approach. i think it’s a super valuable lesson to learn that and instil in them. i would imagine that if you spend time discussing this with them in a way they understand before christmas rolls around, they’ll probably understand (at least the older of the two) why christmas isn’t about how many gifts they have. it seems like a really excellent age to start instilling a wonderful value of worth in them :) i certainly wish i had learnt young to not be such a clutter hoarder!
| null | null | null |
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null |
NAH
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have two sons, who are 6 and 3. we recently donated a lot of their old toys that they no longer play with. the break from the toy clutter was so refreshing for us as parents. although my kids were sad initially that we got rid of a lot of their toys, they too found the lack of clutter refreshing (because it's more room for them to roughhouse and run around probably). this christmas, i think that it will be better if we give our sons a max of 3 materialistic presents (those will be from santa) and get them an experience gift as well (a year long pass to the planetarium), which will be from us. however, in past christmases, they have easily gotten at least 8-10 presents each (not including presents from friends and extended family). i don't want to disappoint them on christmas morning when they see less presents under the tree, but i don't want to give them more presents that will just be crammed into the toy box after 10 minutes. am i right or wrong here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have two sons, who are 6 and 3. we recently donated a lot of their old toys that they no longer play with. the break from the toy clutter was so refreshing for us as parents. although my kids were sad initially that we got rid of a lot of their toys, they too found the lack of clutter refreshing (because it's more room for them to roughhouse and run around probably). this christmas, i think that it will be better if we give our sons a max of 3 materialistic presents (those will be from santa) and get them an experience gift as well (a year long pass to the planetarium), which will be from us. however, in past christmases, they have easily gotten at least 8-10 presents each (not including presents from friends and extended family). i don't want to disappoint them on christmas morning when they see less presents under the tree, but i don't want to give them more presents that will just be crammed into the toy box after 10 minutes. am i right or wrong here? [/INST] nah. it’s doubtful that kids that age are really going to notice that they received fewer gifts - they’re just going to be excited about the ones they do receive. </s>
|
AITA for getting mad at my husband for telling his coworkers my personal business?
|
my (25f) husband (27m) works as a sous chef. he is well liked by everyone he works with and oversees. i lost custody of my son (4m) after i became addicted to painkillers after i was prescribed them when i had cancer and had multiple surgeries, along with chemotherapy and just constant pain. i am 8 months sober now and have been cancer free for nearly 2 years, but it was a long way to get there. many, many attempts at sobriety that failed. rehab attempt after rehab attempt after rehab attempt trying to escape this demon for my son. my husband and i met when my son was barely 1, and i developed the addiction shortly after. my husband comes to visitation with me. he is not my son’s biological father, but is very involved in his life. my son started calling him dad recently. obviously all of the things i’ve struggled with have caused me an immeasurable amount of heartbreak and pain. i used against my will, like my body was telling me to do it and i couldn’t control it. i found out he has been telling his coworkers about me doing rehab and losing custody. i can’t help but feel immensely betrayed by him. they aren’t his close friends. he has worked there for a year. i feel like he betrayed me by telling people, but he insists it’s his life too and his business. so, am i the asshole for being mad at him for telling his coworkers about my addiction and custody issue?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vwzbj7/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_husband_for_telling/
|
2022-07-12 01:51:27
|
nta
this has to be one of the most personal situations. so inappropriate to tell other people without your permission. why on earth did he tell them? what was his explanation?
|
i'm split between nah and esh, to be honest.
personally, i would agree with you that coworkers don't seem to be the kind of people one would discuss such a personal matter with. but this is subjective. do you know if he considers these people friends? if they also share things about their private lives with him? i don't know a whole lot about the gastronomy world but always heard the kitchen staff work long hours and spend a lot of time together, and they need a good rhythm between them to work well... sounds like an environment where friendships would develop easier. but anyway, i can see how it could make you upset that he's telling these things to people you don't know and don't trust.
my issue is, that you act as if you're the only one going through this... when you say your husband met your son when he was a baby and has been very involved in his life, to the point where your son now calls him dad. you also became an addict shortly after meeting him.
is it lost to you, that this man endured his wife having cancer and becoming an addict that needed multiple attempts at rehab before recovering; and meeting, bonding, and then losing custody of a child that he now has to go visit... all in the span of three years? you were the one with the worst hand dealt, but this happened to him, too. this is still happening to him, too.
he has a right to a support network, he has a right to talk about this with people if he needs it.
again, i do think it's inappropriate to talk about it with coworkers unless they have a friendship beyond work. but you acting as if he has no right to talk about this with anyone without your permission, and going as far as calling it a betrayal, doesn't sit well with me. it sounds like you're completely dismissive of his involvement and his feelings in all this.
|
from your timeline, it looks like your husband has been in your life during much of your cancer treatment and for all of your addiction issues, including your multiple rehab stints, and perhaps when you lost custody, which must have been incredibly painful and chaotic. he has been through a lot, as well, and not as a bystander. who does he get to talk to about his experience? where does he get support? people at work, who know him apart from you, whose loyalties are to him. it’s his safe space, and he’s entitled to it. it isn’t just your addiction; it’s a family disease, and he’s your family. i’m going to say yta, for denying him his support system. your medical and personal issues may be private, but don’t expect them to be a secret when they deeply affect other people.
sorry to say this, but you may be clean, but your victim attitude is unhealthy for your sobriety. you may want to check in with your sponsor or therapist.
|
first off, having had a case with family services/cps/cfs/dfs myself, i identify with your sense of shame. i closed my case 5-6 years ago. if anything, the fact that you are still in the fight for your son, you are doing awesome!
the guilt and shame will eat you alive and you are in recovery. they can't hurt you more than you have hurt yourself, you are that strong. your son is lucky to have you, and your husband.
yeah, it would have been nice if he hadn't said anything. i feel confident that he talks about it because of how proud he is of you and that while the circumstances of your tale may be fraught with woe, you are more than surviving and he is probably talking about how amazing you obviously are.
you were presented with a traumatic experience and you did not have the best tools to go through it, you turned to pills. you stuck to it and i just want you to not feel bad about others knowing that part of your past. if not now, it will be a source of strength for you.
keep on doing the next right thing! i know you can do this! your son will be in your arms sooner than you think.
|
nta. your husbands a bonafide, vintage asshole. his biggest mistake wasn't blabbing your secrets like that - it was how he reacted to the pain it caused you. if it was an immediate: "i didn't realize you felt this way - i'm sorry and i won't do it again", he could skate away with a nah.
but he doesn't care it causes you pain and betrayal to discuss these things, it's his life too and he's gonna tell anyone he wants. complete asshole.
|
i believe a person has the right to speak about things that affect them. if he is telling them instances that personally affect him, then he is nta (i hesitate to say you are ta because i fully understand you don’t want it talked about, but if it affects him and he needs release or a sounding board, then he is entitled). if he is just gossiping, then he is ta
|
nah. it’s ok to be upset about someone telling parts of their life that involve you. however unless you told your husband to explicitly be discreet, i don’t think he’s doing things that qualifies him as an ah either. if you tell him not to do it and he still does, then that’s a different story. you’re still nta
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null | null | null | 0.176777 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (25f) husband (27m) works as a sous chef. he is well liked by everyone he works with and oversees. i lost custody of my son (4m) after i became addicted to painkillers after i was prescribed them when i had cancer and had multiple surgeries, along with chemotherapy and just constant pain. i am 8 months sober now and have been cancer free for nearly 2 years, but it was a long way to get there. many, many attempts at sobriety that failed. rehab attempt after rehab attempt after rehab attempt trying to escape this demon for my son. my husband and i met when my son was barely 1, and i developed the addiction shortly after. my husband comes to visitation with me. he is not my son’s biological father, but is very involved in his life. my son started calling him dad recently. obviously all of the things i’ve struggled with have caused me an immeasurable amount of heartbreak and pain. i used against my will, like my body was telling me to do it and i couldn’t control it. i found out he has been telling his coworkers about me doing rehab and losing custody. i can’t help but feel immensely betrayed by him. they aren’t his close friends. he has worked there for a year. i feel like he betrayed me by telling people, but he insists it’s his life too and his business. so, am i the asshole for being mad at him for telling his coworkers about my addiction and custody issue?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (25f) husband (27m) works as a sous chef. he is well liked by everyone he works with and oversees. i lost custody of my son (4m) after i became addicted to painkillers after i was prescribed them when i had cancer and had multiple surgeries, along with chemotherapy and just constant pain. i am 8 months sober now and have been cancer free for nearly 2 years, but it was a long way to get there. many, many attempts at sobriety that failed. rehab attempt after rehab attempt after rehab attempt trying to escape this demon for my son. my husband and i met when my son was barely 1, and i developed the addiction shortly after. my husband comes to visitation with me. he is not my son’s biological father, but is very involved in his life. my son started calling him dad recently. obviously all of the things i’ve struggled with have caused me an immeasurable amount of heartbreak and pain. i used against my will, like my body was telling me to do it and i couldn’t control it. i found out he has been telling his coworkers about me doing rehab and losing custody. i can’t help but feel immensely betrayed by him. they aren’t his close friends. he has worked there for a year. i feel like he betrayed me by telling people, but he insists it’s his life too and his business. so, am i the asshole for being mad at him for telling his coworkers about my addiction and custody issue? [/INST] nta this has to be one of the most personal situations. so inappropriate to tell other people without your permission. why on earth did he tell them? what was his explanation? </s>
|
AITA for not really wanting to talk to someone I barely know every morning?
|
throwaway because reasons.
i’ve started doing a new commute for a new job. i prefer to spend my commute listening to music or podcasts and drinking my coffee. it’s also the rare 30 minutes in a day that i am generally guaranteed uninterrupted time by myself. i look forward to it! i’m kind of introverted and my job involves dealing with people all day.
over the past week i’ve been running into an acquaintance of my partner at the terminal. they’re a nice enough guy and i don’t dislike them, but conversation with them has always been awkward, and i’m just not down for that with someone i barely know first thing in the morning. i’ve done my best to be friendly, but i always feel like i’m the one carrying the conversation with them and trying to steer it in different directions.
they’re quite negative about most things too. they're forever complaining about things going on in our community, or the price of a cup of coffee for example. they also never really ask about what’s going on in my life, instead just continuing to talk about theirs. we don’t have much in common outside of knowing my partner, so this isn’t someone that i would be friends with.
a few days ago they found me in the terminal and tapped me on the shoulder. it had been a few days in a row of this and i was just really not in the mood. i fibbed and told them that i was listening to something for work and wasn’t really down to chat. they seemed cool with that and said that they couldn’t see me and not say hi. i felt bad about lying, but i just really wanted my time that morning, and most mornings if i’m being honest. i find the days that we have ended up talking i arrive at work flustered and not at all mentally prepared to tackle my tasks and training for the day.
i’m kind of bothered by the fact that he’s always approaching me to talk but seems to have nothing to say. not to be all i have my headphones on, i want to be left alone … but i have my headphones on, i want to be left alone. if he were a good friend that would be one thing, but this isn’t someone that i really know outside the few times my partner and i have run into him.
i mentioned it to my partner who basically said “i don’t blame you,” for not wanting to talk to this dude in the morning.
i guess what i’m wondering is, wibta if talked to this dude and let him know that i’m not really interested in chatting in the morning if we see one another? (although figuring out how to do that tactfully without hurting his feelings is another matter entirely.) there are a myriad of reasons why, but i think the big thing is that i really just want that time in the morning to myself. when i type it out it seems like such a jerk thing to say to someone, but i’ve been finding i’m dreading my commute in the morning lately. i even considered taking a method that takes me longer to get to work, but i don’t feel like i should have to do that.
help me, fellow assholes. you’re my only hope.
**
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dflcgn/aita_for_not_really_wanting_to_talk_to_someone_i/
|
2019-10-09 18:39:23
|
nah. i had a similar issue once upon a time, and similarly love the time to myself in my own little bubble on my commutes.
i'd suggest doing your best not to even address it in conversation: go to the terminal with your headphones in, if you see him give a nod and a wave, and then bury your head in your phone and don't remove your headphones. any sane person will get the hint immediately. if he insists on talking to you, pull one headphone out and say sorry, but you're trying to just zone out to your podcast/show/book/what have you.
|
nta. how about making a point of going over to him and saying hi, then getting your earphones out and telling him you're going to relish your last few moments of peace for the day? or your mindfulness podcast, or whatever?
i'm always hugely grateful when people say 'would you mind if i just work/read/whatever'. he might be too...
|
nah. how about this:
"hey, do you mind if i just kind of space out while we go to work? i'm not really at my best in the mornings, it takes me a while to fully get it together. when we talk this early, i can't really focus on or retain what you say, that's just how my brain works."
|
nta. it’s perfectly fine, if a little awkward, to say something like, “hey, i’m not really a morning person, so i’m just gonna listen to some music, but nice seeing you.” do this a few times and he should get the hint.
|
nah - you can solve your problem without being an ass by doing what we did before headphones. say “i'm sorry, i have to think about something else right now," then furrow your brow and look away. do not say anything if he replies. just smile vaguely at him and look away again in a preoccupied manner.
he will probably try a few more times in the coming days, but just do exactly the same thing, same words and all, refusing to engage, but with a neutral manner. this will break his habit. he may think you are odd, but you shouldn't care. your reasons are none of his business since he is only an acquaintance and not a friend.
once you master this tactic, you will be able to control your space without being offensive. it works when seated next to someone annoying on airplanes, too. the trick is to repeat the same sentence and not engage.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.022045 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway because reasons. i’ve started doing a new commute for a new job. i prefer to spend my commute listening to music or podcasts and drinking my coffee. it’s also the rare 30 minutes in a day that i am generally guaranteed uninterrupted time by myself. i look forward to it! i’m kind of introverted and my job involves dealing with people all day. over the past week i’ve been running into an acquaintance of my partner at the terminal. they’re a nice enough guy and i don’t dislike them, but conversation with them has always been awkward, and i’m just not down for that with someone i barely know first thing in the morning. i’ve done my best to be friendly, but i always feel like i’m the one carrying the conversation with them and trying to steer it in different directions. they’re quite negative about most things too. they're forever complaining about things going on in our community, or the price of a cup of coffee for example. they also never really ask about what’s going on in my life, instead just continuing to talk about theirs. we don’t have much in common outside of knowing my partner, so this isn’t someone that i would be friends with. a few days ago they found me in the terminal and tapped me on the shoulder. it had been a few days in a row of this and i was just really not in the mood. i fibbed and told them that i was listening to something for work and wasn’t really down to chat. they seemed cool with that and said that they couldn’t see me and not say hi. i felt bad about lying, but i just really wanted my time that morning, and most mornings if i’m being honest. i find the days that we have ended up talking i arrive at work flustered and not at all mentally prepared to tackle my tasks and training for the day. i’m kind of bothered by the fact that he’s always approaching me to talk but seems to have nothing to say. not to be all i have my headphones on, i want to be left alone … but i have my headphones on, i want to be left alone. if he were a good friend that would be one thing, but this isn’t someone that i really know outside the few times my partner and i have run into him. i mentioned it to my partner who basically said “i don’t blame you,” for not wanting to talk to this dude in the morning. i guess what i’m wondering is, wibta if talked to this dude and let him know that i’m not really interested in chatting in the morning if we see one another? (although figuring out how to do that tactfully without hurting his feelings is another matter entirely.) there are a myriad of reasons why, but i think the big thing is that i really just want that time in the morning to myself. when i type it out it seems like such a jerk thing to say to someone, but i’ve been finding i’m dreading my commute in the morning lately. i even considered taking a method that takes me longer to get to work, but i don’t feel like i should have to do that. help me, fellow assholes. you’re my only hope. **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because reasons. i’ve started doing a new commute for a new job. i prefer to spend my commute listening to music or podcasts and drinking my coffee. it’s also the rare 30 minutes in a day that i am generally guaranteed uninterrupted time by myself. i look forward to it! i’m kind of introverted and my job involves dealing with people all day. over the past week i’ve been running into an acquaintance of my partner at the terminal. they’re a nice enough guy and i don’t dislike them, but conversation with them has always been awkward, and i’m just not down for that with someone i barely know first thing in the morning. i’ve done my best to be friendly, but i always feel like i’m the one carrying the conversation with them and trying to steer it in different directions. they’re quite negative about most things too. they're forever complaining about things going on in our community, or the price of a cup of coffee for example. they also never really ask about what’s going on in my life, instead just continuing to talk about theirs. we don’t have much in common outside of knowing my partner, so this isn’t someone that i would be friends with. a few days ago they found me in the terminal and tapped me on the shoulder. it had been a few days in a row of this and i was just really not in the mood. i fibbed and told them that i was listening to something for work and wasn’t really down to chat. they seemed cool with that and said that they couldn’t see me and not say hi. i felt bad about lying, but i just really wanted my time that morning, and most mornings if i’m being honest. i find the days that we have ended up talking i arrive at work flustered and not at all mentally prepared to tackle my tasks and training for the day. i’m kind of bothered by the fact that he’s always approaching me to talk but seems to have nothing to say. not to be all i have my headphones on, i want to be left alone … but i have my headphones on, i want to be left alone. if he were a good friend that would be one thing, but this isn’t someone that i really know outside the few times my partner and i have run into him. i mentioned it to my partner who basically said “i don’t blame you,” for not wanting to talk to this dude in the morning. i guess what i’m wondering is, wibta if talked to this dude and let him know that i’m not really interested in chatting in the morning if we see one another? (although figuring out how to do that tactfully without hurting his feelings is another matter entirely.) there are a myriad of reasons why, but i think the big thing is that i really just want that time in the morning to myself. when i type it out it seems like such a jerk thing to say to someone, but i’ve been finding i’m dreading my commute in the morning lately. i even considered taking a method that takes me longer to get to work, but i don’t feel like i should have to do that. help me, fellow assholes. you’re my only hope. ** [/INST] nah. i had a similar issue once upon a time, and similarly love the time to myself in my own little bubble on my commutes. i'd suggest doing your best not to even address it in conversation: go to the terminal with your headphones in, if you see him give a nod and a wave, and then bury your head in your phone and don't remove your headphones. any sane person will get the hint immediately. if he insists on talking to you, pull one headphone out and say sorry, but you're trying to just zone out to your podcast/show/book/what have you. </s>
|
AITA for telling my roommates to buy their own trashcan?
|
i live in a townhouse style apartment with three other girls. the two living on the top floor (jane and liz) are best friends and decided to room together in college, so they share pretty much everything. when i first moved in, nobody had a kitchen trashcan, so i went and bought one for communal use. my third roommate (emily) also bought a trashcan.
there had been multiple instances where jane and/or liz filled up the trashcan to where it was overflowing onto the floor. i had already told jane that this annoyed me, so i sent a group text telling them if it continued they'd need to buy their own trashcan.
a few weeks later, it's still happening. most recently, after about three days of an overflowing trashcan, one of them finally took it to the dumpster. in my mind, three days is a little much, so i sent another group text to jane and liz telling them to put 'trashcan' on their shopping list, and now i'm getting the vibe that they're pretty peeved.
i know i can be blunt, but i feel like my reaction was justified. aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/loym72/aita_for_telling_my_roommates_to_buy_their_own/
|
2021-02-21 14:54:13
|
nta. you’re going to start finding bugs in your house if the trash is left overflowing like that.
|
nta. you bought it to be used and emptied out. if they only know how to use it then they deserve your trashcan.
a bigger issue is do you believe they'll take out the trash once they buy a trashcan? can you and emily live with an overflowing trashcan left in the kitchen to be petty?
|
jane and liz are taking advantage of the fact that you took the initiative to buy a trashcan.
they are probably under the impression that "if there is already a trashcan, why buy another?" while filling it up assuming someone else will take out the trash.
this shows a lack of respect for your contribution as well as a lack of empathy for how you feel with people overfilling the trashcan you bought out of your own pocket.
nta
|
nta but i don’t think this was a good choice. are you going to monitor what is put in your trashcan? and now since they have “their” trashcan i feel like the conflict will get worse when they leave it overflowing. you made it about the trashcan instead of about taking out the trash. i don’t think it’ll go well if you ever try and say something about them needing to empty “their” trash.
|
y(sorta)ta. i think you’re agitation is a bit misdirected. the problem isn’t who the trash can belongs to, it’s who is responsible for taking out the trash. i think it would be wise to sit down as a group and come up with some house rules on how community spaces should be maintained. make a chore wheel or something. once you all agree you can simply fall back on the agreement if there’s ever a dispute. give your housemates a chance to fix the problem rather than filling your kitchen with personalized trash cans.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live in a townhouse style apartment with three other girls. the two living on the top floor (jane and liz) are best friends and decided to room together in college, so they share pretty much everything. when i first moved in, nobody had a kitchen trashcan, so i went and bought one for communal use. my third roommate (emily) also bought a trashcan. there had been multiple instances where jane and/or liz filled up the trashcan to where it was overflowing onto the floor. i had already told jane that this annoyed me, so i sent a group text telling them if it continued they'd need to buy their own trashcan. a few weeks later, it's still happening. most recently, after about three days of an overflowing trashcan, one of them finally took it to the dumpster. in my mind, three days is a little much, so i sent another group text to jane and liz telling them to put 'trashcan' on their shopping list, and now i'm getting the vibe that they're pretty peeved. i know i can be blunt, but i feel like my reaction was justified. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i live in a townhouse style apartment with three other girls. the two living on the top floor (jane and liz) are best friends and decided to room together in college, so they share pretty much everything. when i first moved in, nobody had a kitchen trashcan, so i went and bought one for communal use. my third roommate (emily) also bought a trashcan. there had been multiple instances where jane and/or liz filled up the trashcan to where it was overflowing onto the floor. i had already told jane that this annoyed me, so i sent a group text telling them if it continued they'd need to buy their own trashcan. a few weeks later, it's still happening. most recently, after about three days of an overflowing trashcan, one of them finally took it to the dumpster. in my mind, three days is a little much, so i sent another group text to jane and liz telling them to put 'trashcan' on their shopping list, and now i'm getting the vibe that they're pretty peeved. i know i can be blunt, but i feel like my reaction was justified. aita? [/INST] nta. you’re going to start finding bugs in your house if the trash is left overflowing like that. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to miss my fantasy draft?
|
okay so my girlfriend is in grad school and works almost full time. she’s pretty busy and has been telling me she wants to get away for a weekend before the next semester starts. now that her work schedule is out and she has a weekend off in the next couple of weeks, she is adamant that we go up north and rent a cabin that weekend. the problem is that’s a weekend that i’ve been doing fantasy football draft with my buddies on sunday. i’ve had this planned out for three months in advance, we rented out a bar to do this at, this is a pretty big deal for our friend group and we take it very seriously. i have absolutely refused to miss it and have suggested doing the trip a couple days early the very same week, thursday-saturday morning. she’s refusing and won’t really give me a reason saying i need to prioritize our relationship. she is now expecting me to do my draft over facetime, which would make me feel really irresponsible and honestly embarrassed. who’s in the wrong here? this is coming off extremely controlling right now. i obviously value my time with her but i also feel that i shouldn’t be expected to cancel my plans on a whim has well.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cl6o5i/aita_for_refusing_to_miss_my_fantasy_draft/
|
2019-08-02 16:51:33
|
nta. it's okay for you to have boundaries and it is absolutely essential that you maintain close ties with your friends even though you have a significant other right now.
you can set a firm boundary that this weekend is out, the same way that she has set firm boundaries that the other weekends are out.
|
nta
you made these plans with a bunch of your friends, you even rented a venue.
sure, your relationship should come first, but you don't have to cancel expensive months-old plans over it. that doesn't mean you value your friends more than her, it's just integrity.
|
the real issue here is how early y'all are holding this draft. you are all going to end up drafting a bunch of guys who get injured in the pre-season.
|
nta based on the info you provided.
no clue what other events in your relationship may be influencing hers and your reactions here, but based on the facts you appeared to offer an alternative solution that still accomplishes both of your ideas with no compromise, other than the specific days the trip occurs on. if that doesn't affect her work schedule, pto, or anything else she had planned for that thursday, then there doesn't seem to be a downside for your suggestion.
|
nta. my boyfriend does the fantasy draft thing too. she should respect that.
|
nta
you made plans for an actual event of it and not just something to do casually. if she doesn’t respect that re-evaluate the relationship.
|
nta - she won't even give you a reason. she's not prioritising your relationship either, she's prioritising her control over you. a nice trip is a nice trip whether a few days before she goes back to classes or the weekend before.
maybe if she had a good reason, she at least wouldn't be an _asshole_, but as it stands, she is. go have fun with your friends, you can't erase the rest of your life and personality for a relationship.
|
nta.
you've communicated everything properly and you've had this planned. her implying that you don't prioritize your relationship b/c of this existing , once-a-year tradition with your friends, would be a major flag to me if i was you.
as someone who does ff, i know how hard it is to get everyone together. it's certainly harder to organize than 2 people going on a weekend trip, which seems like you guys could do anytime.
if you marry this one, plan for lots of hardships as a result of not wanting to compromise.
|
nta. you’re not putting fantasy football or your friends ahead of her. you’re being responsible and not backing out of plans you made *three months* in advance. there are 364 other days she could plan this getaway. there are 51 other weekends. she needs to respect that no means no, and you have a life outside of her.
|
nta. sorry gf this is an annual thing that i will do. as the commish in my league, i'd call you a a-hole if you missed it.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay so my girlfriend is in grad school and works almost full time. she’s pretty busy and has been telling me she wants to get away for a weekend before the next semester starts. now that her work schedule is out and she has a weekend off in the next couple of weeks, she is adamant that we go up north and rent a cabin that weekend. the problem is that’s a weekend that i’ve been doing fantasy football draft with my buddies on sunday. i’ve had this planned out for three months in advance, we rented out a bar to do this at, this is a pretty big deal for our friend group and we take it very seriously. i have absolutely refused to miss it and have suggested doing the trip a couple days early the very same week, thursday-saturday morning. she’s refusing and won’t really give me a reason saying i need to prioritize our relationship. she is now expecting me to do my draft over facetime, which would make me feel really irresponsible and honestly embarrassed. who’s in the wrong here? this is coming off extremely controlling right now. i obviously value my time with her but i also feel that i shouldn’t be expected to cancel my plans on a whim has well.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay so my girlfriend is in grad school and works almost full time. she’s pretty busy and has been telling me she wants to get away for a weekend before the next semester starts. now that her work schedule is out and she has a weekend off in the next couple of weeks, she is adamant that we go up north and rent a cabin that weekend. the problem is that’s a weekend that i’ve been doing fantasy football draft with my buddies on sunday. i’ve had this planned out for three months in advance, we rented out a bar to do this at, this is a pretty big deal for our friend group and we take it very seriously. i have absolutely refused to miss it and have suggested doing the trip a couple days early the very same week, thursday-saturday morning. she’s refusing and won’t really give me a reason saying i need to prioritize our relationship. she is now expecting me to do my draft over facetime, which would make me feel really irresponsible and honestly embarrassed. who’s in the wrong here? this is coming off extremely controlling right now. i obviously value my time with her but i also feel that i shouldn’t be expected to cancel my plans on a whim has well. [/INST] nta. it's okay for you to have boundaries and it is absolutely essential that you maintain close ties with your friends even though you have a significant other right now. you can set a firm boundary that this weekend is out, the same way that she has set firm boundaries that the other weekends are out. </s>
|
AITA for not sharing food with my pregnant cousin?
|
this happened a while ago but my family won't stop bringing it up.
we went back to our home country in nepal for a wedding and all of our family from abroad had gathered including my pregnant cousin. i was 16/17 and she was in her late 20s.
on a day drip, we were so hungry and really excited to eat dumplings and the whole day we were talking she told me not to share my food with anyone and we kept going on and on about how us two were gonna eat our own food and not share no matter who asks.
so we're eating, she finished, and asked me for some of mine.... i was thinking is this a test or something? i was so confused after she had told how we're not gonna share food... so i said no and kept eating. its not that she was hungry its just that she wanted some more and at that time i wasn't thinking about it like i'm not sharing food with a pregnant woman, i thought she said it as a joke or something too. i'm also not someone who likes to my share food unless its made for sharing, why would you not order more, we weren't in any rush.
this happened in front of my whole extended family and i was berated by everyone and it keeps being brought up.
am i really that much of an asshole?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cr8wu6/aita_for_not_sharing_food_with_my_pregnant_cousin/
|
2019-08-16 16:38:51
|
nta. she told you not to share, you didn’t. burned by her own advice, sucks for her.
|
nta i’m confused why your cousin had a sudden lapse in memory about what you had discussed prior to this. if that’s what she explicitly stated, then your actions make sense.
|
nta
almost sounds like she was just playing a prank to make you look bad in front of your whole family. when you guys were alone she keeps saying "no sharing, right? no way we'll share no matter what." and then when it's dinner time and everyone is there, she suddenly needs you to share?? totally has to be a prank.
|
thanks everyone so much! i literally thought i'm insane for feeling like i haven't done anything wrong! i love you all <3
|
nta. she has the ability to get herself more food, but expects you to give her yours. that's wrong.
|
[removed]
|
this is just stupid. who has conversations about not sharing food?
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened a while ago but my family won't stop bringing it up. we went back to our home country in nepal for a wedding and all of our family from abroad had gathered including my pregnant cousin. i was 16/17 and she was in her late 20s. on a day drip, we were so hungry and really excited to eat dumplings and the whole day we were talking she told me not to share my food with anyone and we kept going on and on about how us two were gonna eat our own food and not share no matter who asks. so we're eating, she finished, and asked me for some of mine.... i was thinking is this a test or something? i was so confused after she had told how we're not gonna share food... so i said no and kept eating. its not that she was hungry its just that she wanted some more and at that time i wasn't thinking about it like i'm not sharing food with a pregnant woman, i thought she said it as a joke or something too. i'm also not someone who likes to my share food unless its made for sharing, why would you not order more, we weren't in any rush. this happened in front of my whole extended family and i was berated by everyone and it keeps being brought up. am i really that much of an asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this happened a while ago but my family won't stop bringing it up. we went back to our home country in nepal for a wedding and all of our family from abroad had gathered including my pregnant cousin. i was 16/17 and she was in her late 20s. on a day drip, we were so hungry and really excited to eat dumplings and the whole day we were talking she told me not to share my food with anyone and we kept going on and on about how us two were gonna eat our own food and not share no matter who asks. so we're eating, she finished, and asked me for some of mine.... i was thinking is this a test or something? i was so confused after she had told how we're not gonna share food... so i said no and kept eating. its not that she was hungry its just that she wanted some more and at that time i wasn't thinking about it like i'm not sharing food with a pregnant woman, i thought she said it as a joke or something too. i'm also not someone who likes to my share food unless its made for sharing, why would you not order more, we weren't in any rush. this happened in front of my whole extended family and i was berated by everyone and it keeps being brought up. am i really that much of an asshole? [/INST] nta. she told you not to share, you didn’t. burned by her own advice, sucks for her. </s>
|
AITA for not letting a neighbor into my house?
|
i had a neighbor in my childhood home cul de sac named barbara. barbara is 70+ and has always been nosy. she would let herself into our house and just stroll in to talk to my mom. i didnt like this as a child and it made me uncomfortable. not to mention her husband is abusive and bullied me some, which i went running back to my mother. barbara also is catty, and used to get upset when my mom wouldnt answer her phone.
so we rent the house now after moving out. we are cleaning up the house now for new tenants as the last ones were drug dealers and involved in witchcraft (dont ask) and we had to clean the blood and home up.
barbara keeps trying to come in. i still dont like her 15 years later, and while cleaning i told her she can't come in. she said something under her breath that i didnt hear well and left. she then blew up my moms phone and when she didnt respond, same cattiness. a few hours ago i came back to do last bit of cleaning and she still tried to come in. this house is empty. there is nothing to snoop in and no new tenants. aita for not letting her in? she always cops an attitude when i dont let her in but im sick of her.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iwry4n/aita_for_not_letting_a_neighbor_into_my_house/
|
2020-09-21 02:40:21
|
nta. she’s trespassing if she’s not explicitly invited onto the property.
|
nta she's trespassing. what in the world is her reason for needing unfettered access to a neighbor's home? and, i gotta know just because you mentioned getting out blood stains, did she do this to the last tenants? i kinda would have luved to have seen the look on her face for that unannounced visit.....
|
nta. look her right in the eyes and say "i never liked you as a kid, and i don't like you now. stay the fuck off my property".
|
nta for the whole thing . but seriously , how are we supposed to not ask about the drug dealing witches ?
|
nta - totally your choice to refuse to let anyone in your house. keep telling her no.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i had a neighbor in my childhood home cul de sac named barbara. barbara is 70+ and has always been nosy. she would let herself into our house and just stroll in to talk to my mom. i didnt like this as a child and it made me uncomfortable. not to mention her husband is abusive and bullied me some, which i went running back to my mother. barbara also is catty, and used to get upset when my mom wouldnt answer her phone. so we rent the house now after moving out. we are cleaning up the house now for new tenants as the last ones were drug dealers and involved in witchcraft (dont ask) and we had to clean the blood and home up. barbara keeps trying to come in. i still dont like her 15 years later, and while cleaning i told her she can't come in. she said something under her breath that i didnt hear well and left. she then blew up my moms phone and when she didnt respond, same cattiness. a few hours ago i came back to do last bit of cleaning and she still tried to come in. this house is empty. there is nothing to snoop in and no new tenants. aita for not letting her in? she always cops an attitude when i dont let her in but im sick of her.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i had a neighbor in my childhood home cul de sac named barbara. barbara is 70+ and has always been nosy. she would let herself into our house and just stroll in to talk to my mom. i didnt like this as a child and it made me uncomfortable. not to mention her husband is abusive and bullied me some, which i went running back to my mother. barbara also is catty, and used to get upset when my mom wouldnt answer her phone. so we rent the house now after moving out. we are cleaning up the house now for new tenants as the last ones were drug dealers and involved in witchcraft (dont ask) and we had to clean the blood and home up. barbara keeps trying to come in. i still dont like her 15 years later, and while cleaning i told her she can't come in. she said something under her breath that i didnt hear well and left. she then blew up my moms phone and when she didnt respond, same cattiness. a few hours ago i came back to do last bit of cleaning and she still tried to come in. this house is empty. there is nothing to snoop in and no new tenants. aita for not letting her in? she always cops an attitude when i dont let her in but im sick of her. [/INST] nta. she’s trespassing if she’s not explicitly invited onto the property. </s>
|
AITA? I won't say thank you everytime Husband makes the bed
|
on mobile, so capital letters are there instead of bold/italics.
i (f) got married recently. we (jake*) lived together for 3 years before getting married. one thing we had to work on was how our love languages changed once we become roommates. jake shows and receives love through acts of service. i have always struggled with this because i'm a firm believer that basic household tasks are not acts of service. i'm not showing my love by doing the dishes, and i don't feel loved if he puts away groceries.
i believe that if the task required decent effort, then it's worth thanking them, such as washing lots of dishes, cooking dinner, mopping, cleaning bathroom bench etc. i don't think folding the towels, taking out the rubbish, or changing the toilet roll requires thanks, but it's nice to do so.
three nights ago, i went to bed and found jake had made the bed with the thin blanket. it's winter, and the night prior i complained the thin blanket wasn't enough so i put on the thick duvet. the bed wasn't made that day, and i said that it couldn't be bothered making it before going to bed. for context, making the bed for us is pulling the duvet up and chucking the pillows on. there's no flat sheet, no complicated cushion arrangement, just a bottom sheet and a duvet.
so, i go to bed and pull off the thin blanket to replace with the thick one. jake has moved the thick blanket to the couch, and i asked why he would do that when i said the thin one was too cold. he then said he was pissed off i didn't thank him for making the bed. i said i didn't need to thank him for making it. it was nice he overheard me say i didn't feel like sleeping in a messy bed, but ultimately making the bed is a basic household task that doesn't need praise.
now, just to be clear, household tasks never completely go without thanks. rather, this is part of an ongoing argument jake makes that i don't thank him every time. he said he never made the bed before we moved in, but knows i appreciate it. i say it's a household task, and that i don't see it as him going out of my way especially since its literally pulling the duvet up. if he changes the sheets, pillow cases and/or duvet cover, i always thank him. but i don't see the point in doing it every single time.
i'll add here that if i'm the last to get up and i don't make it, but jake does, then i say thank you because it was "my turn". but if, like three days ago, jake gets up last and doesn't make it, i don't think i need to thank him when he does do it.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o4neuz/aita_i_wont_say_thank_you_everytime_husband_makes/
|
2021-06-21 04:53:34
|
nta.
when my wife thanks or praises me for washing the dishes i eat from, making the bed i sleep in, or taking care of the children i fathered, i just feel awkward. these aren't favors i do for her, these are ways i take care of myself, my household, and my responsibilities.
would he not do these things for himself if he lived alone?
if these are things he thinks he's doing for you, why does that obligate you to perform a certain response?
|
nta - he shouldn't have overreacted over that. it is just a household chore.
but i will say what helped my marriage a lot during one of our many rough patches (although we have different issues now so i could be very wrong) was finding small things to show i appreciate my husband and vice versa. it seemed to make us realize all the things we do for eachother and how much we're appreciated regardless if the size if the task.
if i pick up the dishes from his mancave he thanks me. if he watches the baby so i can take a nap, i thank him.
small things that should naturally be shared responsibilities with or without a verbal agreement can still be appreciated and won't hurt anyone in the process.
|
nta
jake sounds like he was praise for doing even basic things and then throws a fit if you don't praise him.
**all of what you listed is reasonable.**
saying thank you for everyday things that happen regularly would just make the thank you empty and void over time, however for the tasks that become harder or require more work you say thank you which is very reasonable!
however he has become so petty about this 'argument' that he would rather you both be cold at night *(because i'm assuming he probably would be cold too)* or rather you sleep on the couch?
op this isn't 'love language' this is him seeking intense validation and praise and sounds like **egocentric behavior** or **desperate undisclosed need for validation and praise for motivation to do things**
either way i would find out which fast because the first i would be very cautious of while the second he may need help to work through why he feels like needs that ***constant validation and reassurance to get basic tasks done.***
|
nta in this conflict, although i actually disagree with you here:
>i'm a firm believer that basic household tasks are not acts of service. i'm not showing my love by doing the dishes, and i don't feel loved if he puts away groceries.
i think every time you do a basic household task that also benefits whoever you live with, you're doing them a kindness, and showing appreciation for that is nice. if you wash both your dishes and your husband's, you're absolutely showing your love for him. in fact i think those small contributions to the common welfare of the household are more meaningful demonstrations of love than red roses and a box of chocolates a couple of times a year.
so while he's an ah for insisting that you "thank him every time," and for not making the bed properly to punish you, i also think you need to meet in the middle here and appreciate the many little things each of you do to help the other through life.
|
nta i agree with you, you shouldn’t need a pat on the back every time for taking care of your own responsibilities. my kindergarten students get that. it sounds like you do thank him when it’s appropriate. if he’s like this now, what’s he going to be like if you have kids? are you going to need to thank him for watching his own child? alternatively if you’re child free, does he need to be thanked like this at work? does his boss hold his hand and give him a sticker for doing his job?
|
nta. i have to tell you, this pettiness from him shouldn't continue in your marriage, it'll get exhausting and irritating real quick. i feel like the basic idea is you mutually show love for each other in your day-to-day lives, therefore thanks isn't needed each time.
i agree with you in that if it was a big thing, you would definitely thank him. i hope you'll be confident in the fact that you're in the right here.
|
nta and i honestly think a part of this is ingrained sexism, not love languages. i don't think he's doing it on purpose but he hasn't grasped that women are expected to do household chores and raised to think that's just what you do. he doesn't deserve thanks when he does his fair share just because he deigned to do something.
yes, it's great to thank and appreciate your partner and that should go both ways, but it seems like he views all those tasks as optional extras that he's doing to be nice, while you view them as required. and the thing is, they're not optional extras. you should be splitting those things 50/50, he doesn't get brownie points for doing his part.
obviously don't phrase it like that to him as you can be a lot more diplomatic, but i would try to explain that you have a different perception of whether or not chores are just tasks you have to do.
|
man wants his participation trophy
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: on mobile, so capital letters are there instead of bold/italics. i (f) got married recently. we (jake*) lived together for 3 years before getting married. one thing we had to work on was how our love languages changed once we become roommates. jake shows and receives love through acts of service. i have always struggled with this because i'm a firm believer that basic household tasks are not acts of service. i'm not showing my love by doing the dishes, and i don't feel loved if he puts away groceries. i believe that if the task required decent effort, then it's worth thanking them, such as washing lots of dishes, cooking dinner, mopping, cleaning bathroom bench etc. i don't think folding the towels, taking out the rubbish, or changing the toilet roll requires thanks, but it's nice to do so. three nights ago, i went to bed and found jake had made the bed with the thin blanket. it's winter, and the night prior i complained the thin blanket wasn't enough so i put on the thick duvet. the bed wasn't made that day, and i said that it couldn't be bothered making it before going to bed. for context, making the bed for us is pulling the duvet up and chucking the pillows on. there's no flat sheet, no complicated cushion arrangement, just a bottom sheet and a duvet. so, i go to bed and pull off the thin blanket to replace with the thick one. jake has moved the thick blanket to the couch, and i asked why he would do that when i said the thin one was too cold. he then said he was pissed off i didn't thank him for making the bed. i said i didn't need to thank him for making it. it was nice he overheard me say i didn't feel like sleeping in a messy bed, but ultimately making the bed is a basic household task that doesn't need praise. now, just to be clear, household tasks never completely go without thanks. rather, this is part of an ongoing argument jake makes that i don't thank him every time. he said he never made the bed before we moved in, but knows i appreciate it. i say it's a household task, and that i don't see it as him going out of my way especially since its literally pulling the duvet up. if he changes the sheets, pillow cases and/or duvet cover, i always thank him. but i don't see the point in doing it every single time. i'll add here that if i'm the last to get up and i don't make it, but jake does, then i say thank you because it was "my turn". but if, like three days ago, jake gets up last and doesn't make it, i don't think i need to thank him when he does do it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
on mobile, so capital letters are there instead of bold/italics. i (f) got married recently. we (jake*) lived together for 3 years before getting married. one thing we had to work on was how our love languages changed once we become roommates. jake shows and receives love through acts of service. i have always struggled with this because i'm a firm believer that basic household tasks are not acts of service. i'm not showing my love by doing the dishes, and i don't feel loved if he puts away groceries. i believe that if the task required decent effort, then it's worth thanking them, such as washing lots of dishes, cooking dinner, mopping, cleaning bathroom bench etc. i don't think folding the towels, taking out the rubbish, or changing the toilet roll requires thanks, but it's nice to do so. three nights ago, i went to bed and found jake had made the bed with the thin blanket. it's winter, and the night prior i complained the thin blanket wasn't enough so i put on the thick duvet. the bed wasn't made that day, and i said that it couldn't be bothered making it before going to bed. for context, making the bed for us is pulling the duvet up and chucking the pillows on. there's no flat sheet, no complicated cushion arrangement, just a bottom sheet and a duvet. so, i go to bed and pull off the thin blanket to replace with the thick one. jake has moved the thick blanket to the couch, and i asked why he would do that when i said the thin one was too cold. he then said he was pissed off i didn't thank him for making the bed. i said i didn't need to thank him for making it. it was nice he overheard me say i didn't feel like sleeping in a messy bed, but ultimately making the bed is a basic household task that doesn't need praise. now, just to be clear, household tasks never completely go without thanks. rather, this is part of an ongoing argument jake makes that i don't thank him every time. he said he never made the bed before we moved in, but knows i appreciate it. i say it's a household task, and that i don't see it as him going out of my way especially since its literally pulling the duvet up. if he changes the sheets, pillow cases and/or duvet cover, i always thank him. but i don't see the point in doing it every single time. i'll add here that if i'm the last to get up and i don't make it, but jake does, then i say thank you because it was "my turn". but if, like three days ago, jake gets up last and doesn't make it, i don't think i need to thank him when he does do it. [/INST] nta. when my wife thanks or praises me for washing the dishes i eat from, making the bed i sleep in, or taking care of the children i fathered, i just feel awkward. these aren't favors i do for her, these are ways i take care of myself, my household, and my responsibilities. would he not do these things for himself if he lived alone? if these are things he thinks he's doing for you, why does that obligate you to perform a certain response? </s>
|
AITA for eating my neighbors fruit, and refusing to give it to him?
|
my neighbor has a nectarine tree and it drops fruit into my yard all the time. anything that ends up in my yard i collect, wash, and eat. my neighbor has recently asked i return any fruit that ends up in my yard to him and i told him no, and that any fruit that ends up in my yard is technically my property as the tree goes beyond the property line.
should i be returning the fruit to him, or should i keep eating it? they're really good nectarines.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cz0lr1/aita_for_eating_my_neighbors_fruit_and_refusing/
|
2019-09-03 05:31:05
|
nta. if they're falling into your yard you can keep them. if he has a problem with it then he should have had the tree planted somewhere else. or trim the tree so the fruit isn't dropping into your yard.
|
nta - cheeky of him to expect you to take time out of your day to collect “his” fruit for him. eat those nectarines!
|
nta. that fruit is all yours, trees care not for boundary lines.
|
nta.
and if he tries to make a stink about it start bringing up quotes from arborists for the cost to have encroaching tree trimmed back from your property.
that should shut him right up.
|
nta. u should eat them in front of him every day.
|
nta its landing in your yard. if he wants it maybe don't have your tree over someone else's yard. i think he's just being spiteful. maybe saw you do this and then got all pissy.
|
nah. most places, you could cut off the overhanging branches because it's your property and deal with the nectarines that way. instead, he gets a healthy tree that was apparently planted with no consideration for the property line. the price is some nectarines. so, he can ask, but it's a mere kindness if you return any.
|
nah. if he asks politely and you're feeling nice, then you could give him some of your fruit. but you're by no means obligated to, as the tree is over your property line and the fruit is falling in your yard.
now, if he starts making demands for the fruit then he's the ass, but if all he's doing is asking then neither of you are really in the wrong. (unless he starts being persistent/annoying about it.)
|
nta if he's got a tree that hangs into your yard, that's his own problem. animals and all kinds of things could be eating those anyway, it's not like he'd be getting every single fruit off that tree, that's what one has to accept will plants (we've got deer in our blackberries all the time, for example). so he needs to learn how to let go.
|
if you want to maintain friendly relationships bake nectarine muffins and give him a batch.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null | 0.002566 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my neighbor has a nectarine tree and it drops fruit into my yard all the time. anything that ends up in my yard i collect, wash, and eat. my neighbor has recently asked i return any fruit that ends up in my yard to him and i told him no, and that any fruit that ends up in my yard is technically my property as the tree goes beyond the property line. should i be returning the fruit to him, or should i keep eating it? they're really good nectarines.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my neighbor has a nectarine tree and it drops fruit into my yard all the time. anything that ends up in my yard i collect, wash, and eat. my neighbor has recently asked i return any fruit that ends up in my yard to him and i told him no, and that any fruit that ends up in my yard is technically my property as the tree goes beyond the property line. should i be returning the fruit to him, or should i keep eating it? they're really good nectarines. [/INST] nta. if they're falling into your yard you can keep them. if he has a problem with it then he should have had the tree planted somewhere else. or trim the tree so the fruit isn't dropping into your yard. </s>
|
AITA for investing in my godson yet not assisting my stepson with his tuition?
|
sounds dramatic but it really isn't at least to myself. my childhood best friend, who i consider my sister, has a 13 year old son who's just an absolute prodigy in music. kid has an amazing voice and is great at the tenor saxophone. his school is literally uses him as the face of their music school. since he rents out the sax from the school, i thought it would be nice to buy him his own for his birthday and contributing to his mother's plan of converting one of the rooms as a studio for him. i first discussed it with my wife who didn't say anything in response so i just decided to just do it with my own money. now there seems to be a bit of a problem because last year my stepson had asked us to assist him financially with tuition and i said no but i'm willing to toss money to my friend's child. my biggest problem with my stepson was that he didn't know what the hell he actually wanted. and i just wasn't in the same place as i am now financially. he doesn't even like me. i frankly don't even care anymore, he's too old for me to be stressing over that. yet now i'm the bad guy and have proven to him that i actually didn't give a shit about him and he was right not to try. i don't think i am but aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jmuueh/aita_for_investing_in_my_godson_yet_not_assisting/
|
2020-11-02 19:56:43
|
yta, and not sure why you need to ask.
you do understand most people really don't know what they want for the rest of their 70plus years on this planet. the prodigy doesn't actually seem like he needs your help, considering it's absolutely in the school's interest that he succeed. i suspect you're trying to attach yourself to his success as the school seems to want.
nothing wrong for the school to do it, if it helps the other kids, but it's certainly not helping anything in your house but your ego.
|
>i frankly don’t even care anymore, he’s too old for me to be stressing over that.
that’s a kind of fucked up way to talk about your stepson. once they turn a specific age do you just lose any and all connection with kids? not cool bro.
>yet now i’m the bad guy and have proven to him that i actually didn’t give a shit about him and he was right not to try.
elaborate on the last sentence. from here it sounds like you aren’t the largest fan of your stepson and there has been previous beef we aren’t aware of. i’d like more info, but as of rn y t a.
|
yta- he’s... your stepson. i bet he can be a brat but he’s still your family now. and you should care if he doesn’t like you, he’ll never like you if you act like that. did you offer any help to him after denying him financial help? help him come up with a plan to save and spend money wisely? offer some hope that once he figures out what he wants to do and is keeping up with his grades that maybe after you’ll help him?
also the godson is 13 and seems to have a lot of support already
but your step son is at the age where he truly needs help and guidance.
why does everybody always want to help those that don’t need it but ignore those who need help. nothing pisses me off more.
|
yta because you're investing money into another family that is not in need of your financial support.
you can absoloutly do what you like with your money, but you just told your wife and stepson that they're not a priority to you.
|
yta
a tenor saxophone is not cheap as if he's as good as you say i doubt he would be getting a beginners version - plus contributing to a house conversion (which i get the feeling is going ahead anyway)
did you declining to pay towards your stepson's tuition affect him (i know many places assume a parental contribution - and if you are the primary resisdence that may include your income too) - if so you kind of screwed him over
you say you werent in the same financial place but it was only a year ago - to go from 'i can't help you at all' to 'here's $5,000 for a birthday present' to someone else seems like such i vast change in a short period of time. i think if this was a decade different your stepson would feel differently
|
yta. why marry someone with a kid if you don't give a toss about the kid?
|
the way you talk about him suggests yta
|
nta
its your money and your choice what to do with it. you have other reasons as well, but this one is most important.
|
nta i hate when people treat you badly and then come back wanting a hand out
|
soft yta but sort of not as well. you weren’t in the same financial position, but does your step kid actually not like you? how long have you been with his mum like did you raise him? plus you said you used your own money so i guess his mum could have offered the same last year.
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.201556 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: sounds dramatic but it really isn't at least to myself. my childhood best friend, who i consider my sister, has a 13 year old son who's just an absolute prodigy in music. kid has an amazing voice and is great at the tenor saxophone. his school is literally uses him as the face of their music school. since he rents out the sax from the school, i thought it would be nice to buy him his own for his birthday and contributing to his mother's plan of converting one of the rooms as a studio for him. i first discussed it with my wife who didn't say anything in response so i just decided to just do it with my own money. now there seems to be a bit of a problem because last year my stepson had asked us to assist him financially with tuition and i said no but i'm willing to toss money to my friend's child. my biggest problem with my stepson was that he didn't know what the hell he actually wanted. and i just wasn't in the same place as i am now financially. he doesn't even like me. i frankly don't even care anymore, he's too old for me to be stressing over that. yet now i'm the bad guy and have proven to him that i actually didn't give a shit about him and he was right not to try. i don't think i am but aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
sounds dramatic but it really isn't at least to myself. my childhood best friend, who i consider my sister, has a 13 year old son who's just an absolute prodigy in music. kid has an amazing voice and is great at the tenor saxophone. his school is literally uses him as the face of their music school. since he rents out the sax from the school, i thought it would be nice to buy him his own for his birthday and contributing to his mother's plan of converting one of the rooms as a studio for him. i first discussed it with my wife who didn't say anything in response so i just decided to just do it with my own money. now there seems to be a bit of a problem because last year my stepson had asked us to assist him financially with tuition and i said no but i'm willing to toss money to my friend's child. my biggest problem with my stepson was that he didn't know what the hell he actually wanted. and i just wasn't in the same place as i am now financially. he doesn't even like me. i frankly don't even care anymore, he's too old for me to be stressing over that. yet now i'm the bad guy and have proven to him that i actually didn't give a shit about him and he was right not to try. i don't think i am but aita? [/INST] yta, and not sure why you need to ask. you do understand most people really don't know what they want for the rest of their 70plus years on this planet. the prodigy doesn't actually seem like he needs your help, considering it's absolutely in the school's interest that he succeed. i suspect you're trying to attach yourself to his success as the school seems to want. nothing wrong for the school to do it, if it helps the other kids, but it's certainly not helping anything in your house but your ego. </s>
|
AITA for telling my dad to stop teasing me?
|
i grew up in a household where being teased by my father was considered by him to be an "expression of affection" and he "only picked on people he liked". this kind of treatment extended to my younger sister, who could be particularly brutal. i got used to this throughout my childhood and into my young adult life. when i spent a few years outside the home living my own life, i noticed that's not typically how the world works and i didn't really like being picked on by him anyway. i didn't do anything about it because it wasn't worth a fight to me...until i got married. my spouse is particularly sensitive to being the butt of jokes and i've expressed to her that while i have a higher tolerance for it, i didn't exactly like everything my dad and sister said to me.
my spouse has been biting her tongue while hearing some of the things being said to me and seeing my negative reaction. one day, my dad and sister were picking on me while i wasn't in the room but my spouse was and she absolutely went off on them but my dad treated her like she was the problem for "being disrespectful". i've followed up with him saying that the teasing of me needs to stop. aita for asking him to change a behavior he's so used to?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ujmuxv/aita_for_telling_my_dad_to_stop_teasing_me/
|
2022-05-06 12:56:45
|
nta. teasing is only fun is everyone involved is having fun. not everyone shows affection the same way, and you're allowed to have boundaries about how you want that affection to be shown
|
nta.
sadly, men like your father who "tease out of affection" are all too common.
i'm glad you and your spouse have determined
- this isn't normal
- this isn't something either of you have to tolerate
kudos to your partner for sticking up for you.
that's what healthy love does.
|
nta
good on your wife for having your back, and for you having hers when she spoke up.
establish boundaries with them - use your words, don't tease. if you say anything as a joke/teasing way, you will be kicked out the door and this will continue until you learn.
|
that is called negging at best, abuse at worst. your dad and sister are aholes. of course your wife is upset. she's not a maladjusted jerk, and seeing the person she loves the most treated this way is rightly upsetting and good for her for putting a stop to it. your wife is an angel, you are nta, and your family is awful.
|
nta "expressing affection" is just bullying and abuse if the target of that behavior doesn't receive it as affection. your dad is a jerk, and your spouse is a gem for sticking up for you.
"dad treated her like she was the problem for "being disrespectful" old man, you're not going to like the results you get abusing someone you didn't train to bear it since childhood.
this is likely a case where you go lc or nc after one chance of "i don't like this, stop it." if he tries to argue, you're out the door.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i grew up in a household where being teased by my father was considered by him to be an "expression of affection" and he "only picked on people he liked". this kind of treatment extended to my younger sister, who could be particularly brutal. i got used to this throughout my childhood and into my young adult life. when i spent a few years outside the home living my own life, i noticed that's not typically how the world works and i didn't really like being picked on by him anyway. i didn't do anything about it because it wasn't worth a fight to me...until i got married. my spouse is particularly sensitive to being the butt of jokes and i've expressed to her that while i have a higher tolerance for it, i didn't exactly like everything my dad and sister said to me. my spouse has been biting her tongue while hearing some of the things being said to me and seeing my negative reaction. one day, my dad and sister were picking on me while i wasn't in the room but my spouse was and she absolutely went off on them but my dad treated her like she was the problem for "being disrespectful". i've followed up with him saying that the teasing of me needs to stop. aita for asking him to change a behavior he's so used to?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i grew up in a household where being teased by my father was considered by him to be an "expression of affection" and he "only picked on people he liked". this kind of treatment extended to my younger sister, who could be particularly brutal. i got used to this throughout my childhood and into my young adult life. when i spent a few years outside the home living my own life, i noticed that's not typically how the world works and i didn't really like being picked on by him anyway. i didn't do anything about it because it wasn't worth a fight to me...until i got married. my spouse is particularly sensitive to being the butt of jokes and i've expressed to her that while i have a higher tolerance for it, i didn't exactly like everything my dad and sister said to me. my spouse has been biting her tongue while hearing some of the things being said to me and seeing my negative reaction. one day, my dad and sister were picking on me while i wasn't in the room but my spouse was and she absolutely went off on them but my dad treated her like she was the problem for "being disrespectful". i've followed up with him saying that the teasing of me needs to stop. aita for asking him to change a behavior he's so used to? [/INST] nta. teasing is only fun is everyone involved is having fun. not everyone shows affection the same way, and you're allowed to have boundaries about how you want that affection to be shown </s>
|
AITA for asking my sister to behave?
|
my (16m) sister (11f) is a very hyper person. she runs around all of the time, and does things like breaking out into song in a public area. she loves playing around outside, and she loves to get dirty. she's generally pretty unsanitary (according to her, she washes her hands about twice a day), and has developed the habit of spitting. recently, i was going to the grocery store with her, when she started singing. everyone stared at her, and when she left the store, she spit on the ground. i yelled at her, telling her that her behavior is not appropriate in public, but both her and my parents told me that she's just a kid, and it's fine for her to behave like that. aita for confronting her about it?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fqlzd5/aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_behave/
|
2020-03-28 15:14:03
|
nta. an 11 yr old is old enough to have self control. i caught my 6 yr old daughter spitting and that was the last time she spit. you probably can’t do this, but i would be tempted to tell your parents that if you are not allowed to say anything about your sister’s embarrassing behavior, you would prefer to run errands by yourself. parents like to put the older kids in charge of the younger, but often don’t expect the younger kids to behave.
|
nta. 11 years old is old enough to begin to understand what is inappropriate behavior outside the house. 11 tends to be the age where kids start to come out of the "kid" phase of life and become more adult, so it seems like it'll probably soon be time for your parents to really start reigning in her behavior.
that being said, while i know it can be embarrassing to be out in public with a wild sibling, it's probably better you leave these conversations up to your parents. you can always make suggestions to her on how to behave differently, but i know as an older sibling who once had a teenage brother that you're not likely to be taken very seriously.
|
info: does your sister have development delays,asd, or adhd?
|
nta, purely because of the spitting issue. that’s disgusting and your parents should be addressing it.
the rest of it sounds like a normal hyper kid to be honest, it’s annoying but shouldn’t be a reason to shout.
|
nta i can understand the song but spitting during a fucking pandemic.she isn’t an asshole,your parents are.it is not normal for an 11 year old to just singing out of the blue.from personal experience that is a behavior of a 7 year old.all the kids i met her age had at least the common decency to not be a nuisance in public.honestly this behavior should stop being tolerated.
|
nta, and your parents should try too! it’s especially important to be sanitary right now, and hopefully in general since we’ve learned a few things about how to wash our hands properly. there’s nothing wrong with getting dirty as long as after that you get clean.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (16m) sister (11f) is a very hyper person. she runs around all of the time, and does things like breaking out into song in a public area. she loves playing around outside, and she loves to get dirty. she's generally pretty unsanitary (according to her, she washes her hands about twice a day), and has developed the habit of spitting. recently, i was going to the grocery store with her, when she started singing. everyone stared at her, and when she left the store, she spit on the ground. i yelled at her, telling her that her behavior is not appropriate in public, but both her and my parents told me that she's just a kid, and it's fine for her to behave like that. aita for confronting her about it?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (16m) sister (11f) is a very hyper person. she runs around all of the time, and does things like breaking out into song in a public area. she loves playing around outside, and she loves to get dirty. she's generally pretty unsanitary (according to her, she washes her hands about twice a day), and has developed the habit of spitting. recently, i was going to the grocery store with her, when she started singing. everyone stared at her, and when she left the store, she spit on the ground. i yelled at her, telling her that her behavior is not appropriate in public, but both her and my parents told me that she's just a kid, and it's fine for her to behave like that. aita for confronting her about it? [/INST] nta. an 11 yr old is old enough to have self control. i caught my 6 yr old daughter spitting and that was the last time she spit. you probably can’t do this, but i would be tempted to tell your parents that if you are not allowed to say anything about your sister’s embarrassing behavior, you would prefer to run errands by yourself. parents like to put the older kids in charge of the younger, but often don’t expect the younger kids to behave. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to draw for my uncle?
|
i got covid earlier this year and had to isolate, during my isolation i ended up drawing a lot and sent the ones i was happy with to my parents. they sent them to a group chat with every other family member (without telling me), as we’re the only ones who no longer live in their country.
my relatives took interest in my drawings and my uncle asked my father if i could draw his grandkid for him. he, without telling me once again, agreed on my behalf. after which he texted me that i would be drawing for my uncle.
i had the time for it so i asked if this was a paid opportunity. my father then texted me and said that “this is a matter we should talk about in person.” without even hearing his voice i could tell he was mad.
a couple days later when i was allowed to leave my room, i bought it up. i sat through my father spending at least half an hour telling me i shouldn’t be so greedy, it’s family, they’re not in a hurry to get it, i could just do it in my free time, i don’t need to make it perfect, etcetera.
i agreed to avoid more dumb arguing, but didn’t start as i was busy with school, personal things and because i was and still am upset. today, in the car he spent the entire drive telling me about how i should’ve started already, just spend an hour instead of 10, along with the previous reasoning he had. my mother and brother are agreeing with him and saying i’m being unreasonable and selfish.
so, am i the asshole?
tl:dr my family is telling me to draw my uncles grandkid for him with no pay and because i disagreed my family is disappointed and believes i’m wrong.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uswrhe/aita_for_refusing_to_draw_for_my_uncle/
|
2022-05-19 06:03:39
|
nta - what you do and how you spend your time and if you choose to produce things with said "free time" is up to you. how disrespectful.
that said, not sure how old you are or if you live with your parents still. but family does have a way of doing this regardless of your age.
|
nta , he agreed to this without consulting you, said you don’t have to start asap , but is on your case about why you haven’t started yet . you’re so not the asshole . that’s just unfair
|
nta. you dad is an ah for volunteering you to do something without your consent.
|
nta. my family volunteers me all the time for random stuff for their own position with others and it's very frustrating. i get it. very annoying. drawing is something that you enjoy doing in your spare time. he'll ruin it by making you do it for everyone else.
|
nta, but something is clearly wrong right now. usually, the solution is communication. but the power dynamic between parent and child typically doesn't encourage open dialogue unless it is the parent who instigates it. while technically sexist, the likelihood of the male parent being vulnerable in front of his children is also much lower than the mother.
the unfortunate truth is that you are currently dependent on them. i wish this wasn't the case, but pragmatically i believe that the long-term health of your relationship would be better off with just you drawing it. this doesn't seem like the hill you wish to die on. picking your fights is extremely important when it comes to dealing with parents.
|
you are not the asshole.
your dad voluntold you to do something you didn't have a chance to approve or deny. art is talent and should be pais.
my daughter is good at art and i always ask if she's interested in making things for me. if she agrees, i pay her for her work.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i got covid earlier this year and had to isolate, during my isolation i ended up drawing a lot and sent the ones i was happy with to my parents. they sent them to a group chat with every other family member (without telling me), as we’re the only ones who no longer live in their country. my relatives took interest in my drawings and my uncle asked my father if i could draw his grandkid for him. he, without telling me once again, agreed on my behalf. after which he texted me that i would be drawing for my uncle. i had the time for it so i asked if this was a paid opportunity. my father then texted me and said that “this is a matter we should talk about in person.” without even hearing his voice i could tell he was mad. a couple days later when i was allowed to leave my room, i bought it up. i sat through my father spending at least half an hour telling me i shouldn’t be so greedy, it’s family, they’re not in a hurry to get it, i could just do it in my free time, i don’t need to make it perfect, etcetera. i agreed to avoid more dumb arguing, but didn’t start as i was busy with school, personal things and because i was and still am upset. today, in the car he spent the entire drive telling me about how i should’ve started already, just spend an hour instead of 10, along with the previous reasoning he had. my mother and brother are agreeing with him and saying i’m being unreasonable and selfish. so, am i the asshole? tl:dr my family is telling me to draw my uncles grandkid for him with no pay and because i disagreed my family is disappointed and believes i’m wrong.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i got covid earlier this year and had to isolate, during my isolation i ended up drawing a lot and sent the ones i was happy with to my parents. they sent them to a group chat with every other family member (without telling me), as we’re the only ones who no longer live in their country. my relatives took interest in my drawings and my uncle asked my father if i could draw his grandkid for him. he, without telling me once again, agreed on my behalf. after which he texted me that i would be drawing for my uncle. i had the time for it so i asked if this was a paid opportunity. my father then texted me and said that “this is a matter we should talk about in person.” without even hearing his voice i could tell he was mad. a couple days later when i was allowed to leave my room, i bought it up. i sat through my father spending at least half an hour telling me i shouldn’t be so greedy, it’s family, they’re not in a hurry to get it, i could just do it in my free time, i don’t need to make it perfect, etcetera. i agreed to avoid more dumb arguing, but didn’t start as i was busy with school, personal things and because i was and still am upset. today, in the car he spent the entire drive telling me about how i should’ve started already, just spend an hour instead of 10, along with the previous reasoning he had. my mother and brother are agreeing with him and saying i’m being unreasonable and selfish. so, am i the asshole? tl:dr my family is telling me to draw my uncles grandkid for him with no pay and because i disagreed my family is disappointed and believes i’m wrong. [/INST] nta - what you do and how you spend your time and if you choose to produce things with said "free time" is up to you. how disrespectful. that said, not sure how old you are or if you live with your parents still. but family does have a way of doing this regardless of your age. </s>
|
AITA for "embarrassing" my sister by asking a stranger about his bike
|
honestly, i dont think i am the a-hole here, but i just want to know if o was being weird.
today my sister (26), my cousin (m29) and i (m30) went to a nearby shop to get some groceries. in the parking, i saw a motorbike which was obviously modified and looked really great. it's the same model of my first bike and i am also thinking of getting mine modified. so i started asking nearby if the bike belonged to them.
later the owner of the bike came out and i started talking to him. i wanted to ask where he got it modified, how much it costed, etc. i admit that i was a bit excited. however the guy who owned the bike was happy to answer all the questions. infact he worked on the bike himself. he even mentioned how he got some of the parts specially imported from another country. when he found out that i was also interested in getting some work done on my bike, he even gave some great advice, his contact details and contact details of some mechanics who would be very helpful. (the bike on question stopped manufacturing about 20 years back and it's considered a classic here).
when we came home, my sister started yelling at me saying i was over enthusiastic and embarrassed ourselves in front of a stranger. this happened a couple of times before as well and always when my sister was around. once, i complimented a stranger and asked where they got their jacket and its brand. he was also happy that someone noticed his new jacket. another time i asked a relative about his perfume. it's not like i stuck my nose inside his armpits or anything. the perfume was very obvious and very pleasant smelling and he was sitting right beside me.
my sister argued that i dont have boundaries and should not invade their privacy. however i pointed out that all the instances people didn't seem offended. infact the guy with jacket was very happy.
the thing is, due to some recent ongoing issues inside family, tensions are running high (a whole other post and lot of ranting and fights). and i shouted at her that she was just taking out her frustrations about that issue and not about me embarrassing her.
however my cousin later told me i was also in the wrong. want some outside perspective. aita for just complimenting some strangers and asking details?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l4oakz/aita_for_embarrassing_my_sister_by_asking_a/
|
2021-01-25 13:55:05
|
nta. all my friends with motorcycles love talking about them and the custom modifications they do. you very well made that guys day. and on the other two issues i would also be pleasantly surprised by the compliments. obviously like 1 out of 100 people may be an asshole or think you’re mocking them so watch out for that. honestly it sounds like your sister has some form of anxiety and just doesn’t like potential social situations that she didn’t plan on being in.
|
nta. enthusiasts of any hobby eat it up when a stranger asks them about their hobby. you made that guy’s day, he now feels like the coolest damn guy in town. paying someone the compliment of your attention is not embarrassing in the least.
|
nta. if people were offended in any way, they wouldn't respond to you. i've had random strangers compliment me and ask me for details, and it made my day.
|
nta. your sister and cousin sound suuuper fun....
you are allowed to ask strangers questions. those strangers are allowed to answer said questions, ignore you, run away screaming, etc. it sounds like you had a great conversation with the bike guy and he was happy to talk to someone with a similar interest. don’t sweat your cousin and sister.
the only thing i could see being rude is if you were shopping with them and had a conversation with the bike guy for a very long period of time and kept them waiting. but from your post, i don’t think that’s the case.
|
nta. you are defo nta. your sister seems like she has issues of her own.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: honestly, i dont think i am the a-hole here, but i just want to know if o was being weird. today my sister (26), my cousin (m29) and i (m30) went to a nearby shop to get some groceries. in the parking, i saw a motorbike which was obviously modified and looked really great. it's the same model of my first bike and i am also thinking of getting mine modified. so i started asking nearby if the bike belonged to them. later the owner of the bike came out and i started talking to him. i wanted to ask where he got it modified, how much it costed, etc. i admit that i was a bit excited. however the guy who owned the bike was happy to answer all the questions. infact he worked on the bike himself. he even mentioned how he got some of the parts specially imported from another country. when he found out that i was also interested in getting some work done on my bike, he even gave some great advice, his contact details and contact details of some mechanics who would be very helpful. (the bike on question stopped manufacturing about 20 years back and it's considered a classic here). when we came home, my sister started yelling at me saying i was over enthusiastic and embarrassed ourselves in front of a stranger. this happened a couple of times before as well and always when my sister was around. once, i complimented a stranger and asked where they got their jacket and its brand. he was also happy that someone noticed his new jacket. another time i asked a relative about his perfume. it's not like i stuck my nose inside his armpits or anything. the perfume was very obvious and very pleasant smelling and he was sitting right beside me. my sister argued that i dont have boundaries and should not invade their privacy. however i pointed out that all the instances people didn't seem offended. infact the guy with jacket was very happy. the thing is, due to some recent ongoing issues inside family, tensions are running high (a whole other post and lot of ranting and fights). and i shouted at her that she was just taking out her frustrations about that issue and not about me embarrassing her. however my cousin later told me i was also in the wrong. want some outside perspective. aita for just complimenting some strangers and asking details?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
honestly, i dont think i am the a-hole here, but i just want to know if o was being weird. today my sister (26), my cousin (m29) and i (m30) went to a nearby shop to get some groceries. in the parking, i saw a motorbike which was obviously modified and looked really great. it's the same model of my first bike and i am also thinking of getting mine modified. so i started asking nearby if the bike belonged to them. later the owner of the bike came out and i started talking to him. i wanted to ask where he got it modified, how much it costed, etc. i admit that i was a bit excited. however the guy who owned the bike was happy to answer all the questions. infact he worked on the bike himself. he even mentioned how he got some of the parts specially imported from another country. when he found out that i was also interested in getting some work done on my bike, he even gave some great advice, his contact details and contact details of some mechanics who would be very helpful. (the bike on question stopped manufacturing about 20 years back and it's considered a classic here). when we came home, my sister started yelling at me saying i was over enthusiastic and embarrassed ourselves in front of a stranger. this happened a couple of times before as well and always when my sister was around. once, i complimented a stranger and asked where they got their jacket and its brand. he was also happy that someone noticed his new jacket. another time i asked a relative about his perfume. it's not like i stuck my nose inside his armpits or anything. the perfume was very obvious and very pleasant smelling and he was sitting right beside me. my sister argued that i dont have boundaries and should not invade their privacy. however i pointed out that all the instances people didn't seem offended. infact the guy with jacket was very happy. the thing is, due to some recent ongoing issues inside family, tensions are running high (a whole other post and lot of ranting and fights). and i shouted at her that she was just taking out her frustrations about that issue and not about me embarrassing her. however my cousin later told me i was also in the wrong. want some outside perspective. aita for just complimenting some strangers and asking details? [/INST] nta. all my friends with motorcycles love talking about them and the custom modifications they do. you very well made that guys day. and on the other two issues i would also be pleasantly surprised by the compliments. obviously like 1 out of 100 people may be an asshole or think you’re mocking them so watch out for that. honestly it sounds like your sister has some form of anxiety and just doesn’t like potential social situations that she didn’t plan on being in. </s>
|
WIBTA for kicking my roommate out for stealing my underwear ?
|
so i (27m) recently been struggling to pay my rent and other bills due to it increasing this year. so i got a roommate (19m). and it was all cool at first but he is dirty. he leaves his clothes everywhere. he never washes the dishes and he doesn’t even flush the toilet. and what was the straw that broke the camel back was he would steal my underwear. i confronted him about it and told him “lamarshall can you please just be a little cleaner and not wear my personal clothes”. he responded with “i’m grown. i do whatever i want and can’t nobody stop me. i don’t care” i was starting to get pissed and told him you could leave if you can’t follow basic etiquettes and he said he wasn’t going no where. his name isn’t on the lease yet. but i don’t want my underwear to stink of him. i know this is gross but still.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ks0hxx/wibta_for_kicking_my_roommate_out_for_stealing_my/
|
2021-01-06 23:50:12
|
nta that’s disgusting and have him removed sooner rather than later; in many places a person gains rights to remain in a property after a certain amount of time regardless of lease status.
|
[deleted]
|
nta.
you need to get him out while you still have underwear left.
|
nta that is really gross. what kind of weirdo says “i’m grown. i do whatever i want and can’t nobody stop me. i don’t care" in response to "please do not steal and wear my underwear thanks". it sounds like it's going to be a struggle to get him out though, what with all the "you can't make me leave".
|
nta.
marshal the strength to kick him out.
sorry.
|
nta. he’s not respecting you and his name isn’t even on the lease yet. don’t let it get to that point. kid has to figure it out the hard way that his attitude isn’t gonna get him far
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (27m) recently been struggling to pay my rent and other bills due to it increasing this year. so i got a roommate (19m). and it was all cool at first but he is dirty. he leaves his clothes everywhere. he never washes the dishes and he doesn’t even flush the toilet. and what was the straw that broke the camel back was he would steal my underwear. i confronted him about it and told him “lamarshall can you please just be a little cleaner and not wear my personal clothes”. he responded with “i’m grown. i do whatever i want and can’t nobody stop me. i don’t care” i was starting to get pissed and told him you could leave if you can’t follow basic etiquettes and he said he wasn’t going no where. his name isn’t on the lease yet. but i don’t want my underwear to stink of him. i know this is gross but still.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i (27m) recently been struggling to pay my rent and other bills due to it increasing this year. so i got a roommate (19m). and it was all cool at first but he is dirty. he leaves his clothes everywhere. he never washes the dishes and he doesn’t even flush the toilet. and what was the straw that broke the camel back was he would steal my underwear. i confronted him about it and told him “lamarshall can you please just be a little cleaner and not wear my personal clothes”. he responded with “i’m grown. i do whatever i want and can’t nobody stop me. i don’t care” i was starting to get pissed and told him you could leave if you can’t follow basic etiquettes and he said he wasn’t going no where. his name isn’t on the lease yet. but i don’t want my underwear to stink of him. i know this is gross but still. [/INST] nta that’s disgusting and have him removed sooner rather than later; in many places a person gains rights to remain in a property after a certain amount of time regardless of lease status. </s>
|
AITA for yelling 'GO AWAY' and stuff along those lines, when I head noises in a campsite? I scared some kids.
|
i was camping in a dispersed camping area where people can set up camp anywhere in a large forest. because of this, people tend to camp further apart than at campgrounds, and not walk through each other's camps.
setting up too close or walking into another person's camp is like ... sitting right next to someone on an empty bus. it's not technically illegal but it's super weird and definitely going to creep them out.
anyway last weekend i was camping and i heard noisy footfalls through my campsites cooking area, after i'd finished dinner and was settling in for the night in my tent.
i didn't stick my head out of the tent to look because i was a little frightened, but i thought it was likely a large animal. probably not a person because that would be super weird. so i started calling out 'go', then yelling more loudly and hitting a metal flashlight and metal water bottle together to make clanging noises... "go.. gooo... goooo and get on outta here"
trying to scare away whatever it was. i heard something crashing through the trees wildly away.
i kept yelling "go on and don't come back round here, go on keep running along for a few more miles' a bit more. just trying to keep making noise so whatever it was knew to stay away.
a little while later i heard people's voices and then someone knocking on my tent. now honestly this is super weird too; that's something people only really do in an emergency, most people follow the etiquette of instead standing outside a stranger's camp and calling out to announce yourself.
i came out and asked what was up. the couple had come by and they had kids who had been playing around the campsites and i had really frightened and upset them. they were with a group of several families and the kids from three families were upset and wanted to go home.
i said sorry man, i thought it was an animal noise and didn't want animals getting in my stuff. i also said that not a lotta people come through each other's campsites around here so they'd spooked me just as much.
this last part angered the couple, they were saying i was absolutely not as scared and also that i should have looked before yelling in a threatining way at someone else's children. i shoulda been able to realize it was kids playing, and nobody should ever yell at someone else's kids like that, you should go talk to the parents.
i said that i was mistaken because i thought there was just an animal to scare off, i don't go getting up and investigating every time i hear an animal smelling around where i've been cooking.
the parents said that i ruined a trip that they and the other families were excited for because now the kids would be too scared to go to bed since their camp was close to mine. and that i was being thoughtless by being that combattive without even looking to see who i was screaming down
aita for yelling the way i did without checking if the noises in my camp were a person or animal?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ogfynk/aita_for_yelling_go_away_and_stuff_along_those/
|
2021-07-08 20:40:49
|
nta either they're old enough to know better than to go into other people's campsites or they're too young to wander the woods ~~at night~~ alone.
|
nta- the kids should be told about the etiquette. you were genuinely scared so it makes sense to respond like that. the ‘go on and don’t come back’ etc part was a little too much maybe, but you didnt know they were kids so its understandable.
|
so, if i've read this right - you were settling in for the night and you heard noisy footfalls? no screaming or yelling or anything else to indicate it might be kids? assuming this is the case, and there are large animals around where you camp, then i can understand not wanting to get out of your tent.
also, how old were these kids? i mean, if you were settling in for the night, that implies it's heading on for dark - why are kids out in an area where there's potentially large animals, without some sort of supervision. besides, the parents should have said: "don't disturb other people".
i'm thinking nta based on what you've said. you even apologised to the parents to say you hadn't realised it was kids.
|
nta. kids should not be roaming unsupervised in a campground after dark. they're lucky that the only person they ran into was you.
|
nta. your camp has a certain etiquette to it, and this family completely disregarded it by letting their kids run all over the place. interesting that they have no problem imposing their own rules on the behavior of perfect strangers, while failing to observe any themselves.
|
nta. safety always comes before other people's feelings. too many people have been injured or worse because they were too afraid to run away from a threat or frighten one off. you could not have known the noises weren't a predator of some kind and followed standard advice about how to deal with one. it was the parents' responsibility to keep their kids' out of other people's campsites, especially after dark. keep practicing situarional awareness and ignore anyone it upsets.
|
nta kids are able to be exposed to natural consequences in the world. as a parent, i cam say that were i in that situation that my kid got yelled at, i would just say be more careful where you are playing.
|
nta. these kids were bold enough to run around in the dark woods are now too scared to sleep because a person was banging a pot or w/e at them? i don't believe that for a second, the parents were laying it on thick to try and make you feel bad.
|
nta, they need to keep better watch on their kids in the woods. (i'd bet money they were there to steal or screw with your stuff.)
|
nta. you weren't yelling at those kids. you were yelling from inside a tent without knowing who or what was it there.
there's a difference between this and getting up into some kids face and yelling directly at them.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was camping in a dispersed camping area where people can set up camp anywhere in a large forest. because of this, people tend to camp further apart than at campgrounds, and not walk through each other's camps. setting up too close or walking into another person's camp is like ... sitting right next to someone on an empty bus. it's not technically illegal but it's super weird and definitely going to creep them out. anyway last weekend i was camping and i heard noisy footfalls through my campsites cooking area, after i'd finished dinner and was settling in for the night in my tent. i didn't stick my head out of the tent to look because i was a little frightened, but i thought it was likely a large animal. probably not a person because that would be super weird. so i started calling out 'go', then yelling more loudly and hitting a metal flashlight and metal water bottle together to make clanging noises... "go.. gooo... goooo and get on outta here" trying to scare away whatever it was. i heard something crashing through the trees wildly away. i kept yelling "go on and don't come back round here, go on keep running along for a few more miles' a bit more. just trying to keep making noise so whatever it was knew to stay away. a little while later i heard people's voices and then someone knocking on my tent. now honestly this is super weird too; that's something people only really do in an emergency, most people follow the etiquette of instead standing outside a stranger's camp and calling out to announce yourself. i came out and asked what was up. the couple had come by and they had kids who had been playing around the campsites and i had really frightened and upset them. they were with a group of several families and the kids from three families were upset and wanted to go home. i said sorry man, i thought it was an animal noise and didn't want animals getting in my stuff. i also said that not a lotta people come through each other's campsites around here so they'd spooked me just as much. this last part angered the couple, they were saying i was absolutely not as scared and also that i should have looked before yelling in a threatining way at someone else's children. i shoulda been able to realize it was kids playing, and nobody should ever yell at someone else's kids like that, you should go talk to the parents. i said that i was mistaken because i thought there was just an animal to scare off, i don't go getting up and investigating every time i hear an animal smelling around where i've been cooking. the parents said that i ruined a trip that they and the other families were excited for because now the kids would be too scared to go to bed since their camp was close to mine. and that i was being thoughtless by being that combattive without even looking to see who i was screaming down aita for yelling the way i did without checking if the noises in my camp were a person or animal?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i was camping in a dispersed camping area where people can set up camp anywhere in a large forest. because of this, people tend to camp further apart than at campgrounds, and not walk through each other's camps. setting up too close or walking into another person's camp is like ... sitting right next to someone on an empty bus. it's not technically illegal but it's super weird and definitely going to creep them out. anyway last weekend i was camping and i heard noisy footfalls through my campsites cooking area, after i'd finished dinner and was settling in for the night in my tent. i didn't stick my head out of the tent to look because i was a little frightened, but i thought it was likely a large animal. probably not a person because that would be super weird. so i started calling out 'go', then yelling more loudly and hitting a metal flashlight and metal water bottle together to make clanging noises... "go.. gooo... goooo and get on outta here" trying to scare away whatever it was. i heard something crashing through the trees wildly away. i kept yelling "go on and don't come back round here, go on keep running along for a few more miles' a bit more. just trying to keep making noise so whatever it was knew to stay away. a little while later i heard people's voices and then someone knocking on my tent. now honestly this is super weird too; that's something people only really do in an emergency, most people follow the etiquette of instead standing outside a stranger's camp and calling out to announce yourself. i came out and asked what was up. the couple had come by and they had kids who had been playing around the campsites and i had really frightened and upset them. they were with a group of several families and the kids from three families were upset and wanted to go home. i said sorry man, i thought it was an animal noise and didn't want animals getting in my stuff. i also said that not a lotta people come through each other's campsites around here so they'd spooked me just as much. this last part angered the couple, they were saying i was absolutely not as scared and also that i should have looked before yelling in a threatining way at someone else's children. i shoulda been able to realize it was kids playing, and nobody should ever yell at someone else's kids like that, you should go talk to the parents. i said that i was mistaken because i thought there was just an animal to scare off, i don't go getting up and investigating every time i hear an animal smelling around where i've been cooking. the parents said that i ruined a trip that they and the other families were excited for because now the kids would be too scared to go to bed since their camp was close to mine. and that i was being thoughtless by being that combattive without even looking to see who i was screaming down aita for yelling the way i did without checking if the noises in my camp were a person or animal? [/INST] nta either they're old enough to know better than to go into other people's campsites or they're too young to wander the woods ~~at night~~ alone. </s>
|
AITA for rushing to the middle of the plane after it landed to get off faster?
|
a few weeks ago i was on a business trip and the plane was delayed, and so to get to the hotel to check in on time i had to rush. i only had a backpack (no carry on), and had an aisle seat in the back. my idea was that because i can instantly get up, i can likely beat a lot of people who would be slow to get up and hopefully leave the plan as fast as possible. the plan halfway worked and i got to about the halfway point of the plane from the back when an old man got up. totally fine, beats being in the back. i did not crowd his space and gave him ample room to get his bag. thats when he turned around and told me in a stern voice "we all have to wait our turn you know", and proceeded to purposefully take his bag out from the overhead area and put it on the floor behind him, crowding/blocking me me. i don't know if it was purposeful, but the bag did hit me several times, each time he gave the stink eye as if i should not be there.
i did not hinder anyone as you dont have to be parallel to your seat number when you get out, and even if its an unspoken rule i did not shift anyone out of alignment with their overhead bags. to me, if i am faster than others, i can utilize that speed as long as the aisle is clear, and the first person to step in front is where i stop. the old man did not seem to think so. aita for rushing down the aisle?
for context, i did indeed run through the airport so it was not a comfort thing and my original flight got delayed even worse so i had to switch to this flight (meaning i would have confirmed early so i would have early boarding to get off faster)
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cpxftk/aita_for_rushing_to_the_middle_of_the_plane_after/
|
2019-08-13 18:44:32
|
yta. hate when people do this crap. you think you’re more important than everyone else so you rush to the front. calm down and wait your turn. if you can’t wait, sit first class. simple as that.
|
yta. planes always de-board from front to back. want off first, pick a seat up front.
|
yta. you weren’t trying to make a connecting flight (the only legitimate reason to rush past everyone outside of a medical emergency). you were going to the hotel. yes, i get that there was a “late fee”, but that’s what a phone is for. you call and explain the flight was delayed and you will be a few moments late. i’m sure the fee would be waived.
|
yta
despite what you may believe, you are not more important than the other passengers.
wait your turn.
|
yta. you're supposed to wait your turn to get off the plane, that's just how it works. you were being rude and pushy. also, uh, you know hotel check in times are a 'anytime after' thing, not an 'arrive at exactly this time' thing, right?
|
yta. this is a huge pet peeve for a lot of people. we all have somewhere to be after a flight, particularly a delayed one. everyone is tired and others want to stand up next to their seat. you crowding the aisle prevents others from getting up. wait your turn and rush once you're on the jetbridge.
if you want the luxury of being able to deplane quickly in case there are delays, pay to pick a seat near the front.
|
if everyone did this, it would be impossible to get off the plane. i'm sure lots of passengers think they could be faster than everyone else, but they know it doesn't work that way. it's like 4-way stop signs, they work because there's an agreed upon order of doing it. yta.
|
yta.
i get it, your potentially late check in was super important and needed to get there asap or else.
but your flight was delayed. that means every person on that plane was running late. you were not special, not even remotely. every other person on that plane was running late, and yet somehow you thought you were the special one who deserved to rush the aisle and not wait. spoiler alert, you're not special. you do get extra asshole points for thinking that the world revolved around you during the deplaning portion of your flight.
plus i'd like to call bs on you giving the man who stopped you "ample room" while he pulled down his bag. one of the reasons people who rush forward in the aisle are so irritating is because there is barely enough room for 1 person per row to stand in the aisle, so by being there you are inevitably crowding all of the people around you.
|
yta. everyone else was also stuck on that delayed plane with you. you're not special, and if you explained to your company, they'd probably be understanding about this situation.
|
yta - and you know it. everybody wants off the fucking plane as soon as possible. everyone on that plane has something/someone waiting for them or a very special reason to get off right away. you're not special.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a few weeks ago i was on a business trip and the plane was delayed, and so to get to the hotel to check in on time i had to rush. i only had a backpack (no carry on), and had an aisle seat in the back. my idea was that because i can instantly get up, i can likely beat a lot of people who would be slow to get up and hopefully leave the plan as fast as possible. the plan halfway worked and i got to about the halfway point of the plane from the back when an old man got up. totally fine, beats being in the back. i did not crowd his space and gave him ample room to get his bag. thats when he turned around and told me in a stern voice "we all have to wait our turn you know", and proceeded to purposefully take his bag out from the overhead area and put it on the floor behind him, crowding/blocking me me. i don't know if it was purposeful, but the bag did hit me several times, each time he gave the stink eye as if i should not be there. i did not hinder anyone as you dont have to be parallel to your seat number when you get out, and even if its an unspoken rule i did not shift anyone out of alignment with their overhead bags. to me, if i am faster than others, i can utilize that speed as long as the aisle is clear, and the first person to step in front is where i stop. the old man did not seem to think so. aita for rushing down the aisle? for context, i did indeed run through the airport so it was not a comfort thing and my original flight got delayed even worse so i had to switch to this flight (meaning i would have confirmed early so i would have early boarding to get off faster)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a few weeks ago i was on a business trip and the plane was delayed, and so to get to the hotel to check in on time i had to rush. i only had a backpack (no carry on), and had an aisle seat in the back. my idea was that because i can instantly get up, i can likely beat a lot of people who would be slow to get up and hopefully leave the plan as fast as possible. the plan halfway worked and i got to about the halfway point of the plane from the back when an old man got up. totally fine, beats being in the back. i did not crowd his space and gave him ample room to get his bag. thats when he turned around and told me in a stern voice "we all have to wait our turn you know", and proceeded to purposefully take his bag out from the overhead area and put it on the floor behind him, crowding/blocking me me. i don't know if it was purposeful, but the bag did hit me several times, each time he gave the stink eye as if i should not be there. i did not hinder anyone as you dont have to be parallel to your seat number when you get out, and even if its an unspoken rule i did not shift anyone out of alignment with their overhead bags. to me, if i am faster than others, i can utilize that speed as long as the aisle is clear, and the first person to step in front is where i stop. the old man did not seem to think so. aita for rushing down the aisle? for context, i did indeed run through the airport so it was not a comfort thing and my original flight got delayed even worse so i had to switch to this flight (meaning i would have confirmed early so i would have early boarding to get off faster) [/INST] yta. hate when people do this crap. you think you’re more important than everyone else so you rush to the front. calm down and wait your turn. if you can’t wait, sit first class. simple as that. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to help my boyfriends brorher out?
|
throwaway, on mobile, sorry for formatting.
my boyfriend and i (26f/28m) have never seen eye to eye when it comes to family matters. his family kind of sucks and does nothing but bash eachother, whereas my family is very close knit and still has family trips and get-togethers.
we ran into some issues back 2 years ago where my mom and dad became homeless due to the company they both worked at closing and they asked me to take in my 14yo sister for the time being. my boyfriend expressed that he didnt want anyone living in his with us. so i had to tell my mom she couldn't be here full time because it was, in fact, my boyfriends house and he had final say. my boyfriend allowed her to stay 2 days out of the week and the rest of the time she had to stay with a cousin. during the 2 days she was over he would lock himself in the bedroom and not come out. he said it was because he doesnt like having company because he doesnt really like people invading his space. i understood. this lasted like 2 months i think before my mom and dad got back on track and my sister moved back home.
a while later i was able to get a house loan and i bought us a 2 bedroom house. my bf's credit sucks and we were told not to put him on the loan for that reason. two weeks ago he said "my brother needs a place to stay for awhile so i'm going to convert our office into a make-shift bedroom for the time being." i work from home, in the office, so i said "yeah, or not actually. i need that office space for work and if i recall, you didnt allow my 14 year old sister to move in with us when my parents were down and out so i really have an issue with your 28 year old brother moving in here full time." he like shook his head and gave me this really off look and said "are you serious right now? hes living in his fucking car!"
so, i said "alright, he can stay here for 2 days a week and stay with your mom the rest of the time. i need the office. that's the way it is." hes now telling me i can still work from my office space while his brother sleeps on a cot in the same room. i'm not okay with this. i know his brother pretty well and know that he sleeps all day long because he stays up all hours of the night. not to mention he is super disrespectful and smokes pot in people's houses without asking. i stood my ground and said no.
my boyfriend is pissed. he said that i am an ah for holding what happened with my sister over his head and that his brother truly needs him. whereas my sister had other options. the thing is, my bf's mom has already offered his brother a place to stay but he refused because he doesnt like her bf.
aita for not helping him out?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iyxo6y/aita_for_not_wanting_to_help_my_boyfriends/
|
2020-09-24 13:53:24
|
nta. first off, your boyfriend sounds like a real dickcanoe. who makes a 14 year old girl homeless when they have the space to help but then is willing to accommodate a 28 year old dude? nah. don’t house the brother, but maybe also consider not housing your boyfriend either.
|
nta nta nta. holy crap. your boyfriend is a giant ah. stand your ground, op. he treated your teenage sister terribly. he deserves this. are you sure you want to be with someone who’s that mean to your family and also a massive hypocrite?
|
nta. it’s a double standard that he wouldn’t allow your family to stay with you at his place but is insisting that his family stay at your place (i’m saying your place since you took out the loan).
|
nta, beggers can't be choosers and he already has an option to live somewhere that doesn't interrupt your work space. i am surprised your bf isn't more understanding about that especially after the way he behaved when your sister was there. only two days a week and he'd lock himself up in his room like a child? seriously? and he wants you to work in the same room with his brother!? 🙄 yikes.
|
nta, good on you for not putting up with your boyfriends hypocrisy.
|
nta. huge difference between a homeless kid not old enough to have a car when you have the space and a grown ass man with other options to include other lodging when you don't actually have the space and the proposed guest is disrespectful. your boyfriend is out of line, especially considering his previous "final say"
|
nta if he doesnt like your families company why would he like his brothers. plus i dont want someone sleeping behind me while i'm working especially if you have sensitive information for your job. if hes not willing to compromise you could always have him sleeping in the same room as his brother.
|
nta. play stupid games, win stupid prices. your sister was a minor in need, unlike his brother who is very much an adult and has more options. also, it is your home so you get the so called final say and it’s your office. that’s the realistic and petty me.
however, as other people have pointed out, this isn’t a healthy dynamic and you should really consider if you want to go on in a relationship where one part thinks they’re perfectly right to demand and do as they please.
|
this is a tough one. my gut says nta, but if you're with someone that not only thinks this way, but where you have to "keep score" like this you both kinda suck. neither sibling should be left in the lurch because of your own issues, but you are not obligated to alter your home and living space for his family when he couldn't have cared less about yours.
&#x200b;
> i'm not okay with this. i know his brother pretty well and know that he sleeps all day long because he stays up all hours of the night. not to mention he is super disrespectful and smokes pot in people's houses without asking
this is what it comes down to ultimately. if you don't want him in your home, then that's that. beyond that, it seems you may need to rethink if your bf is someone you truly see a future with if this is how you guys handle conflict and tough situations. esh
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway, on mobile, sorry for formatting. my boyfriend and i (26f/28m) have never seen eye to eye when it comes to family matters. his family kind of sucks and does nothing but bash eachother, whereas my family is very close knit and still has family trips and get-togethers. we ran into some issues back 2 years ago where my mom and dad became homeless due to the company they both worked at closing and they asked me to take in my 14yo sister for the time being. my boyfriend expressed that he didnt want anyone living in his with us. so i had to tell my mom she couldn't be here full time because it was, in fact, my boyfriends house and he had final say. my boyfriend allowed her to stay 2 days out of the week and the rest of the time she had to stay with a cousin. during the 2 days she was over he would lock himself in the bedroom and not come out. he said it was because he doesnt like having company because he doesnt really like people invading his space. i understood. this lasted like 2 months i think before my mom and dad got back on track and my sister moved back home. a while later i was able to get a house loan and i bought us a 2 bedroom house. my bf's credit sucks and we were told not to put him on the loan for that reason. two weeks ago he said "my brother needs a place to stay for awhile so i'm going to convert our office into a make-shift bedroom for the time being." i work from home, in the office, so i said "yeah, or not actually. i need that office space for work and if i recall, you didnt allow my 14 year old sister to move in with us when my parents were down and out so i really have an issue with your 28 year old brother moving in here full time." he like shook his head and gave me this really off look and said "are you serious right now? hes living in his fucking car!" so, i said "alright, he can stay here for 2 days a week and stay with your mom the rest of the time. i need the office. that's the way it is." hes now telling me i can still work from my office space while his brother sleeps on a cot in the same room. i'm not okay with this. i know his brother pretty well and know that he sleeps all day long because he stays up all hours of the night. not to mention he is super disrespectful and smokes pot in people's houses without asking. i stood my ground and said no. my boyfriend is pissed. he said that i am an ah for holding what happened with my sister over his head and that his brother truly needs him. whereas my sister had other options. the thing is, my bf's mom has already offered his brother a place to stay but he refused because he doesnt like her bf. aita for not helping him out?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway, on mobile, sorry for formatting. my boyfriend and i (26f/28m) have never seen eye to eye when it comes to family matters. his family kind of sucks and does nothing but bash eachother, whereas my family is very close knit and still has family trips and get-togethers. we ran into some issues back 2 years ago where my mom and dad became homeless due to the company they both worked at closing and they asked me to take in my 14yo sister for the time being. my boyfriend expressed that he didnt want anyone living in his with us. so i had to tell my mom she couldn't be here full time because it was, in fact, my boyfriends house and he had final say. my boyfriend allowed her to stay 2 days out of the week and the rest of the time she had to stay with a cousin. during the 2 days she was over he would lock himself in the bedroom and not come out. he said it was because he doesnt like having company because he doesnt really like people invading his space. i understood. this lasted like 2 months i think before my mom and dad got back on track and my sister moved back home. a while later i was able to get a house loan and i bought us a 2 bedroom house. my bf's credit sucks and we were told not to put him on the loan for that reason. two weeks ago he said "my brother needs a place to stay for awhile so i'm going to convert our office into a make-shift bedroom for the time being." i work from home, in the office, so i said "yeah, or not actually. i need that office space for work and if i recall, you didnt allow my 14 year old sister to move in with us when my parents were down and out so i really have an issue with your 28 year old brother moving in here full time." he like shook his head and gave me this really off look and said "are you serious right now? hes living in his fucking car!" so, i said "alright, he can stay here for 2 days a week and stay with your mom the rest of the time. i need the office. that's the way it is." hes now telling me i can still work from my office space while his brother sleeps on a cot in the same room. i'm not okay with this. i know his brother pretty well and know that he sleeps all day long because he stays up all hours of the night. not to mention he is super disrespectful and smokes pot in people's houses without asking. i stood my ground and said no. my boyfriend is pissed. he said that i am an ah for holding what happened with my sister over his head and that his brother truly needs him. whereas my sister had other options. the thing is, my bf's mom has already offered his brother a place to stay but he refused because he doesnt like her bf. aita for not helping him out? [/INST] nta. first off, your boyfriend sounds like a real dickcanoe. who makes a 14 year old girl homeless when they have the space to help but then is willing to accommodate a 28 year old dude? nah. don’t house the brother, but maybe also consider not housing your boyfriend either. </s>
|
AITA for wanting some boundaries set with my MIL?
|
a bit of a back story - my partner (m25) had never had a girlfriend before. we met (i’m f26) and after some time, we moved in together. he lived in sydney with his parents and 2 older brothers - and he relocated to melbourne to be with me.
initially i thought it was sweet the relationship he had with his mother. he would have coffee dates with her, stay home for dinner every night, be really respectful of her and her wishes. at home she does everything: all of their laundry, all of the cooking and cleaning, birthday party set up, they don’t pay bills or rent either.
then it started getting a bit weird when he got a girlfriend (me)…
* she started crying every time he visited me (interstate)
* she cleaned his room when he was gone
* she laid out his work clothes on his bed for when he returned home
* she purchased him a new lunch box, drink bottle, sandwich container, bag, new socks and undies for the “new work year”.. like it was some sort of back to school shop
* she would message and call daily
now he’s moved into my house (in melbourne), it’s progressed..
* she won’t get rid of the furniture in his room
* his dad wants to change the room into a study/office and she said no because she “wants to leave it as it is incase he returns”
* she started unpacking some of his belongings he boxed up, and setting them up on his dresser and shelves
* she constantly asks about the next visit
* she cries (in sydney) whenever she sees his car (the same type/model etc) and messages him about it
* she messages him telling him to look at the moon so they can look at it together
we are now pregnant with our first child. and she wants to stay for a month after the baby’s born. i don’t feel comfortable with this at all.
don’t get me wrong, i fully understand it would be hard to live in a seperate state to your children. but this year she’s already flown down here 5 times.
when she visits:
* she brings pots, pans and food to make her son his “favourite meals”
* she cries all day on the last day of the visit because she’s leaving
* she cooks dinners and makes lunches for her sons back at home while she’s away (they’re 28 and 30)
there was also a comment made by her about the fact that he was doing “far too much” at home (when she visited) and essentially i should be doing all of the house work.
i’ve approached my partner about this but he was always told to “be respectful” and not cause any conflict. he said he doesn’t know how to word things and doesn’t want to cause any drama.
someone help me with what i can do? if you have a parent that lives interstate, how often are the visits? aita for wanting the visits spread further apart? i’m trying to not step on any toes but at the same time, this is affecting me too.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uf4knj/aita_for_wanting_some_boundaries_set_with_my_mil/
|
2022-04-30 05:33:43
|
nta but your mil sounds like she may have a mental health problem regarding her son's. everything you describe is not normal behaviour.
|
where is your mother? i think now is a perfect time to get your own support system because she’s gonna be ridiculous when the baby arrives.
nta
|
you need to post on r/justnomil
she sounds so overbearing. 2 month is way way too long. say a weekend is enough.
|
nta
there's really only one boundary you need to set. when the baby comes, she is not staying with you. if she chooses to come down, she can stay in a motel. the first month after your baby is born is going to be the biggest shock to your system that you've ever experienced. the sleep loss alone is going to be incredibly taxing. you will need support... but not that kind of support. actual support, that makes things easier for you.
this is kind of an interesting situation. it's like a lot of the r/justnomil posts, except in that sub, there is always conflict between the wife and the mil - it's a power struggle to be #1 in the husband's life, and the husband isn't strong enough to stand up to his mother. it doesn't sound like there's any actual conflict between the two of you, she's just... well... infantilizing her sons to the point that it's a mental disorder.
|
nta
that ain't healthy ...
draw boundaries with your husband, first one needs to be for her to stay away at & after the birth. you need rest and she is going to create drama & stress. as he seems to be a pushover don't budge on this one!
|
nta
your mil is definitely crossing the line. she seems to have a codependency problem with her son. shes probably going to get even worse when the baby is born. you definitely need to set some boundaries. unfortunately i have to tell you that it's going to be very difficult if your partner doesn't help you. he also needs to be firm with her so that your mil can understand. you won't be able to do it alone.
|
nta... she's strangling him with his own umbilical cord. to answer the question you're implying though, about what a normal amount of visits would be, there isn't one. however many you and he feel comfortable with is normal for you and he. she could visit every weekend and that would be fine; she could visit once a year and that would be fine. all that really matters is that you are uncomfortable with the current situation, and that's perfectly valid.
what to do: first you gotta talk with your partner, real talk, be direct about the fact that this ain't working for you. you love him, you love his mom, but you feel smothered and disrespected in your own home. full stop. if he can't understand that, your relationship has a deeper problem. no "i don't want drama" bullshit: you have a valid issue and you will resolve it one way or another. when you're on the same page, then you bring the same conversation to your partner's mom, respectfully of course. there's really no alternate course of action. there will most likely be drama, but you won't get anywhere "trying not to step on any toes." she's not gonna stop being overbearing on her own.
good luck
|
sounds like mil has attachment/abandonment issues. i would say nta because you just wanna be able to live your life comfortably and setting boundaries is a part of healthy relationships. plus ngl, if mil continues this she will never be able to accept the fact that her children are growing up so you setting boundaries may help her as well.
|
definitely move to wa to make it even harder for her to visit. nta and he needs to be the one to set boundaries
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a bit of a back story - my partner (m25) had never had a girlfriend before. we met (i’m f26) and after some time, we moved in together. he lived in sydney with his parents and 2 older brothers - and he relocated to melbourne to be with me. initially i thought it was sweet the relationship he had with his mother. he would have coffee dates with her, stay home for dinner every night, be really respectful of her and her wishes. at home she does everything: all of their laundry, all of the cooking and cleaning, birthday party set up, they don’t pay bills or rent either. then it started getting a bit weird when he got a girlfriend (me)… * she started crying every time he visited me (interstate) * she cleaned his room when he was gone * she laid out his work clothes on his bed for when he returned home * she purchased him a new lunch box, drink bottle, sandwich container, bag, new socks and undies for the “new work year”.. like it was some sort of back to school shop * she would message and call daily now he’s moved into my house (in melbourne), it’s progressed.. * she won’t get rid of the furniture in his room * his dad wants to change the room into a study/office and she said no because she “wants to leave it as it is incase he returns” * she started unpacking some of his belongings he boxed up, and setting them up on his dresser and shelves * she constantly asks about the next visit * she cries (in sydney) whenever she sees his car (the same type/model etc) and messages him about it * she messages him telling him to look at the moon so they can look at it together we are now pregnant with our first child. and she wants to stay for a month after the baby’s born. i don’t feel comfortable with this at all. don’t get me wrong, i fully understand it would be hard to live in a seperate state to your children. but this year she’s already flown down here 5 times. when she visits: * she brings pots, pans and food to make her son his “favourite meals” * she cries all day on the last day of the visit because she’s leaving * she cooks dinners and makes lunches for her sons back at home while she’s away (they’re 28 and 30) there was also a comment made by her about the fact that he was doing “far too much” at home (when she visited) and essentially i should be doing all of the house work. i’ve approached my partner about this but he was always told to “be respectful” and not cause any conflict. he said he doesn’t know how to word things and doesn’t want to cause any drama. someone help me with what i can do? if you have a parent that lives interstate, how often are the visits? aita for wanting the visits spread further apart? i’m trying to not step on any toes but at the same time, this is affecting me too.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a bit of a back story - my partner (m25) had never had a girlfriend before. we met (i’m f26) and after some time, we moved in together. he lived in sydney with his parents and 2 older brothers - and he relocated to melbourne to be with me. initially i thought it was sweet the relationship he had with his mother. he would have coffee dates with her, stay home for dinner every night, be really respectful of her and her wishes. at home she does everything: all of their laundry, all of the cooking and cleaning, birthday party set up, they don’t pay bills or rent either. then it started getting a bit weird when he got a girlfriend (me)… * she started crying every time he visited me (interstate) * she cleaned his room when he was gone * she laid out his work clothes on his bed for when he returned home * she purchased him a new lunch box, drink bottle, sandwich container, bag, new socks and undies for the “new work year”.. like it was some sort of back to school shop * she would message and call daily now he’s moved into my house (in melbourne), it’s progressed.. * she won’t get rid of the furniture in his room * his dad wants to change the room into a study/office and she said no because she “wants to leave it as it is incase he returns” * she started unpacking some of his belongings he boxed up, and setting them up on his dresser and shelves * she constantly asks about the next visit * she cries (in sydney) whenever she sees his car (the same type/model etc) and messages him about it * she messages him telling him to look at the moon so they can look at it together we are now pregnant with our first child. and she wants to stay for a month after the baby’s born. i don’t feel comfortable with this at all. don’t get me wrong, i fully understand it would be hard to live in a seperate state to your children. but this year she’s already flown down here 5 times. when she visits: * she brings pots, pans and food to make her son his “favourite meals” * she cries all day on the last day of the visit because she’s leaving * she cooks dinners and makes lunches for her sons back at home while she’s away (they’re 28 and 30) there was also a comment made by her about the fact that he was doing “far too much” at home (when she visited) and essentially i should be doing all of the house work. i’ve approached my partner about this but he was always told to “be respectful” and not cause any conflict. he said he doesn’t know how to word things and doesn’t want to cause any drama. someone help me with what i can do? if you have a parent that lives interstate, how often are the visits? aita for wanting the visits spread further apart? i’m trying to not step on any toes but at the same time, this is affecting me too. [/INST] nta but your mil sounds like she may have a mental health problem regarding her son's. everything you describe is not normal behaviour. </s>
|
AITA for not carding a senior citizen?
|
i had this interaction at my workplace and needed some perspective.
i work at a grocery store that sells alcohol. our policy, which is in line with state law, is that we card everyone who isn’t “obviously of age” (think 60+, grey hair and such). so a woman came through my line, she was probably about 65 or so, completely grey hair, defined wrinkles and so on. she was buying, among other things, a 6 pack of beer. i rang it through but didn’t ask for id because i didn’t need one to know that she was over 21. she pays happily and i thought she walked off, but she actually just went and stood a ways off to the side. i start to ring up the next customer, who was about 30-35 and was also purchasing alcohol. i asked for his id, and at this point the woman comes up to me and says “excuse me! you forgot to charge me for my beer!”. i thought maybe i had forgotten to charge for it somehow, and she was just being a good citizen. so i looked at her receipt and pointed out that the beer was on it, and said that she was all set. she replied, “there’s no way you could have charged me for the beer, because you would have needed to see my id, because obviously you’re carding everyone (gesturing to current customer). and so since you didn’t ask for id obviously you didn’t charge me.”
i was very confused by this, and i reminded her that the beer was shown on her receipt, to which she responses, in all seriousness, “well i’m so happy you decided to not charge me for it! cause i sure would have been offended if you did and didn’t ask for my id!”
at this point i just stared blankly at her and the other customer was clearly containing laughter. i think she realized she wasn’t going to get anywhere so she says “i’m just kidding! i’m kidding! you have a good day!” and runs off. there was nothing in her tone previously to suggest that she was joking, so i have to ask, aita for offending an elderly woman by not carding her?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sqiq6b/aita_for_not_carding_a_senior_citizen/
|
2022-02-12 04:21:18
|
nta. this woman was behaving ridiculously. you did nothing wrong. you should’ve told her you didn’t need to id her since you gave her the senior citizen discount.
|
nta as an elderly woman myself, i can tell you there is nothing insulting about failing to check the id of an obviously older person. no 65yo looks under 21 and we all know it.
|
nta. my father is in his 70s and gets gassed when he gets id’d and i have to hear about. so no you spared somebody somewhere for having to her how hype she was that she got carded in her 60s.
|
nta. it isn't your job to give her an ego boost. she's ridiculous.
|
nta.
i know i’m old. when someone cards me now, i repeat a line i heard a comedian say years ago.
“look in my eyes. do you see any hope left?”
|
nta
she was looking for an excuse to be upset. if you had said "well you are obviously over 21 so i didn't card you." she would have demanded a manager because you are being rude and saying she looks old. if you had said "i must have forgotten to card you. could i please see you id." she would have demanded to see you manager because you weren't doing you job right. by remaining silent you made her justify why she was upset out loud, which is why she got embarrassed and left. you are not ta and she probably would have caused a scene no matter what you did.
|
nta! i am 51. i do not look like i'm 21 or under. i am annoyed when someone does ask for my id, because it is obvious that i'm old enough to buy alcohol. it is such a pain in the a$$ to get it out of my wallet. i prefer when someone doesn't ask, because reality is . ... i'm old. there. i said it. and so is she! she's being the butthole, so don't worry about it.
|
nta. the woman was just off. i'm obviously older and i'm happy not to waste time being carded.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i had this interaction at my workplace and needed some perspective. i work at a grocery store that sells alcohol. our policy, which is in line with state law, is that we card everyone who isn’t “obviously of age” (think 60+, grey hair and such). so a woman came through my line, she was probably about 65 or so, completely grey hair, defined wrinkles and so on. she was buying, among other things, a 6 pack of beer. i rang it through but didn’t ask for id because i didn’t need one to know that she was over 21. she pays happily and i thought she walked off, but she actually just went and stood a ways off to the side. i start to ring up the next customer, who was about 30-35 and was also purchasing alcohol. i asked for his id, and at this point the woman comes up to me and says “excuse me! you forgot to charge me for my beer!”. i thought maybe i had forgotten to charge for it somehow, and she was just being a good citizen. so i looked at her receipt and pointed out that the beer was on it, and said that she was all set. she replied, “there’s no way you could have charged me for the beer, because you would have needed to see my id, because obviously you’re carding everyone (gesturing to current customer). and so since you didn’t ask for id obviously you didn’t charge me.” i was very confused by this, and i reminded her that the beer was shown on her receipt, to which she responses, in all seriousness, “well i’m so happy you decided to not charge me for it! cause i sure would have been offended if you did and didn’t ask for my id!” at this point i just stared blankly at her and the other customer was clearly containing laughter. i think she realized she wasn’t going to get anywhere so she says “i’m just kidding! i’m kidding! you have a good day!” and runs off. there was nothing in her tone previously to suggest that she was joking, so i have to ask, aita for offending an elderly woman by not carding her?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i had this interaction at my workplace and needed some perspective. i work at a grocery store that sells alcohol. our policy, which is in line with state law, is that we card everyone who isn’t “obviously of age” (think 60+, grey hair and such). so a woman came through my line, she was probably about 65 or so, completely grey hair, defined wrinkles and so on. she was buying, among other things, a 6 pack of beer. i rang it through but didn’t ask for id because i didn’t need one to know that she was over 21. she pays happily and i thought she walked off, but she actually just went and stood a ways off to the side. i start to ring up the next customer, who was about 30-35 and was also purchasing alcohol. i asked for his id, and at this point the woman comes up to me and says “excuse me! you forgot to charge me for my beer!”. i thought maybe i had forgotten to charge for it somehow, and she was just being a good citizen. so i looked at her receipt and pointed out that the beer was on it, and said that she was all set. she replied, “there’s no way you could have charged me for the beer, because you would have needed to see my id, because obviously you’re carding everyone (gesturing to current customer). and so since you didn’t ask for id obviously you didn’t charge me.” i was very confused by this, and i reminded her that the beer was shown on her receipt, to which she responses, in all seriousness, “well i’m so happy you decided to not charge me for it! cause i sure would have been offended if you did and didn’t ask for my id!” at this point i just stared blankly at her and the other customer was clearly containing laughter. i think she realized she wasn’t going to get anywhere so she says “i’m just kidding! i’m kidding! you have a good day!” and runs off. there was nothing in her tone previously to suggest that she was joking, so i have to ask, aita for offending an elderly woman by not carding her? [/INST] nta. this woman was behaving ridiculously. you did nothing wrong. you should’ve told her you didn’t need to id her since you gave her the senior citizen discount. </s>
|
AITA for snapping at my friend when he called me a “bad girl” in an almost patronizing manner
|
i (f20) was talking to my friend (m25) and mentioned i watched a horror movie (insidious and it’s a great movie btw) he doesn’t believe in horror movies for whatever reason and to that he replied “you did? bad girl” half jokingly. however, i will call out anyone who uses that or “good girl” to me because i’m not a dog. i said “just because my subjective morals don’t line with yours don’t not make me bad. and don’t refer to me as “bad girl” i’m not a dog.” and i think he might be offended and i feel bad about snapping at him even though i feel the reason was justified. was it wrong to do this?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l28u21/aita_for_snapping_at_my_friend_when_he_called_me/
|
2021-01-21 21:56:52
|
nta, but i think there is value in apologizing. "i'm sorry i snapped at you because i had not previously told you that calling me a bad or good girl was a boundary for me. going forward can you not call me that? i would appreciate it."
|
nta. it’s just creepy when people who aren’t your so call you that
|
nta, good job for standing up for yourself, you didn’t do anything extreme like blow up and yell so your all good
|
nta he can be butt hurt if he wants. your just telling him off on something you find offensive.
|
nta, i hate when people try to pass off weird language like this as ‘joking’. you’re dead on to say that he was being patronizing and it’s weird to use a phrase like this in a casual conversation with a friend. when dudes say shit like this to women it makes my skin crawl, phrases like this are demeaning at best and weirdly sexual at worst. and at 25? he should know better, call his ass out.
sidenote, for all the people saying y/t/a because ‘it was a joke’ and op shouldn’t have reacted, i wonder if it would be the same if she called him a ‘bad boy’, or is it only appropriate when a man is being weird to a younger woman? give me a break lol.
|
nta - you’re not a dog
|
nta. it's not funny or flirty or anything rude.
|
nta - btw, insidious was pretty scary until the demon ended up looking like darth maul.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f20) was talking to my friend (m25) and mentioned i watched a horror movie (insidious and it’s a great movie btw) he doesn’t believe in horror movies for whatever reason and to that he replied “you did? bad girl” half jokingly. however, i will call out anyone who uses that or “good girl” to me because i’m not a dog. i said “just because my subjective morals don’t line with yours don’t not make me bad. and don’t refer to me as “bad girl” i’m not a dog.” and i think he might be offended and i feel bad about snapping at him even though i feel the reason was justified. was it wrong to do this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (f20) was talking to my friend (m25) and mentioned i watched a horror movie (insidious and it’s a great movie btw) he doesn’t believe in horror movies for whatever reason and to that he replied “you did? bad girl” half jokingly. however, i will call out anyone who uses that or “good girl” to me because i’m not a dog. i said “just because my subjective morals don’t line with yours don’t not make me bad. and don’t refer to me as “bad girl” i’m not a dog.” and i think he might be offended and i feel bad about snapping at him even though i feel the reason was justified. was it wrong to do this? [/INST] nta, but i think there is value in apologizing. "i'm sorry i snapped at you because i had not previously told you that calling me a bad or good girl was a boundary for me. going forward can you not call me that? i would appreciate it." </s>
|
WIBTA if I bought a lock for my bathroom door?
|
throwaway account. typing on mobile—sorry for formatting errors.
i (18f) am the oldest of the children in the house. therefore it falls on me to do more household chores, including cleaning up the odd mess.
one thing i hate to clean up, however, are my younger brother’s bathroom messes. there’s one brother in particular, “dylan” (12m) who makes the most messes out of everyone. and if i’m being honest, it drives me fucking insane. my mother never holds him accountable for cleaning up his own messes, and doesn’t try to talk to him about personal responsibility or ways to make sure the bathroom is clean before he leaves it. each time i confront him about his messes, my mom also tries to shift the blame to her other sons or even other children, but i know it’s dylan.
i’ve been made to clean up puddles of pee on the floor that he left there, and have had to wash my bath mats because they’ve had pee and poo on them from him. i’ve also seen poo on the toilet seat, and dylan never washes his hands. on the rare occasion that mom scolds him for a mess, it’s only after i’ve already been made to clean it. so he learns nothing from that.
this morning my mom and i got into an argument because i had just cleaned the bathroom, and dylan had used the entire roll of toilet paper, left the cardboard roll on the floor, left my towels on the floor, and didn’t flush his poo. i went and told dylan to please clean up his mess, and my mom started yelling at me, accusing me of micromanaging dylan instead of just cleaning it up myself. she told me i was being dramatic and that it really wasn’t that big of a deal. i didn’t say anything back to her because i didn’t want to escalate that argument.
then she said no one is allowed to use the bathrooms anymore because “no one knows how to take care of them.”
there’s a second bathroom across from mine that is always disgusting because dylan doesn’t clean up after himself. it’s so disgusting that we tell guests to use mine instead because my mom is embarrassed that the other bathroom looks that way.
my mom has always threatened to put a lock on the bathroom doors if no one can keep them clean, and i think the locks might be a good way of proving that it is dylan making these messes. in my mind, this will be a good teachable moment for dylan to hold himself accountable and clean up after himself.
i’m obviously still heated about this and it’s making me consider staying with my boyfriend for a few days, about 20 minutes away. i am so angry and exhausted from always having to have this this argument with mom and nothing comes of it.
wibta if i bought that lock?
tl;dr - my mom makes me clean up my brothers bathroom messes and threatens to put a lock on the bathrooms if no one can keep them clean, so i’m considering buying a lock for my bathroom.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/opet42/wibta_if_i_bought_a_lock_for_my_bathroom_door/
|
2021-07-22 14:22:10
|
nta but it’s not gonna help anything. you’ll just be yelled at. your mom absolutely knows who is making the messes. she’s defending him every single time.
if i were you, i’d just leave for a while and let her see for herself how disgusting the bathroom gets when you’re not there to clean up all their messes.
side bar, i don’t know how you can clean up another persons pee and poop and continue to live there. i’d really really consider moving out permanently if possible.
|
your mom sounds like she’s being a deadbeat parent. nta. for one, how does she tolerate a 12yo soiling the bathroom floor? the fact she’s embarrassed and yet does nothing speaks volumes for being a zero energy parent who’d dime out her daughter to clean up after the kids who she won’t mother after. that is so gross that she enables/normalizes this.
if i were you i’d be looking at bailing out of the house asap. even if i had to join the military or something.
|
move out
|
nta. you're not micromanaging your brother because a 12yo knows what they do. if he does not have any behavior trouble, he is doing it purposefully and your mom is enabling it.
your mom shows clear preference to him because she always shifts the blame, and it's unreasonable to ask you to clean up this mess. she should clean it if she is soooo attached to her son.
the lock is a needed precaution, and if she opposes it she's part of the problem.
|
nta but your mom threatens to put a lock on all the bathroom doors?? how is that even right in any way possible... sooo... no gets to go to the bathroom at all? everyone is just gonna go bathroom on the floor or in the outside bush? her threat doesn’t really make sense in my mind... that doesn’t help anyone learn to keep a bathroom better- it just forces the mess elsewhere.
if you told me a toy room got a lock on it and no one can play in there until you keep it clean,that makes sense... but a bathroom?
either way op, still nta. and i know your 18 but please consider moving out/leaving for college as soon as you’re financially able to.
|
nta - if your 12 year old brother can't land in the bowl of the toilet then get passive aggressive about it, buy that lock and while your at it get your brother a potty/some diapers
|
op, this really concerns me for two reasons. one, your mom has a pattern of threatening to take away basic human rights. and two, these sorts of bathroom messes are not normal in a 12yo. missing the toilet when peeing, sure, but getting poop outside the toilet bowl? i could be wrong but i think this is a sign of child abuse. just because she isn't harsh on him the way she is on you (in a completely unfair manner, incidentally) doesn't mean there aren't other subtler ways of being an abuser.
i could be way off base, but many people who grow up in an abusive household don't realize it. i encourage you to look up signs of child abuse and see if you can recognize your household in them. and either way, i hope you have a plan for leaving that house.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account. typing on mobile—sorry for formatting errors. i (18f) am the oldest of the children in the house. therefore it falls on me to do more household chores, including cleaning up the odd mess. one thing i hate to clean up, however, are my younger brother’s bathroom messes. there’s one brother in particular, “dylan” (12m) who makes the most messes out of everyone. and if i’m being honest, it drives me fucking insane. my mother never holds him accountable for cleaning up his own messes, and doesn’t try to talk to him about personal responsibility or ways to make sure the bathroom is clean before he leaves it. each time i confront him about his messes, my mom also tries to shift the blame to her other sons or even other children, but i know it’s dylan. i’ve been made to clean up puddles of pee on the floor that he left there, and have had to wash my bath mats because they’ve had pee and poo on them from him. i’ve also seen poo on the toilet seat, and dylan never washes his hands. on the rare occasion that mom scolds him for a mess, it’s only after i’ve already been made to clean it. so he learns nothing from that. this morning my mom and i got into an argument because i had just cleaned the bathroom, and dylan had used the entire roll of toilet paper, left the cardboard roll on the floor, left my towels on the floor, and didn’t flush his poo. i went and told dylan to please clean up his mess, and my mom started yelling at me, accusing me of micromanaging dylan instead of just cleaning it up myself. she told me i was being dramatic and that it really wasn’t that big of a deal. i didn’t say anything back to her because i didn’t want to escalate that argument. then she said no one is allowed to use the bathrooms anymore because “no one knows how to take care of them.” there’s a second bathroom across from mine that is always disgusting because dylan doesn’t clean up after himself. it’s so disgusting that we tell guests to use mine instead because my mom is embarrassed that the other bathroom looks that way. my mom has always threatened to put a lock on the bathroom doors if no one can keep them clean, and i think the locks might be a good way of proving that it is dylan making these messes. in my mind, this will be a good teachable moment for dylan to hold himself accountable and clean up after himself. i’m obviously still heated about this and it’s making me consider staying with my boyfriend for a few days, about 20 minutes away. i am so angry and exhausted from always having to have this this argument with mom and nothing comes of it. wibta if i bought that lock? tl;dr - my mom makes me clean up my brothers bathroom messes and threatens to put a lock on the bathrooms if no one can keep them clean, so i’m considering buying a lock for my bathroom.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account. typing on mobile—sorry for formatting errors. i (18f) am the oldest of the children in the house. therefore it falls on me to do more household chores, including cleaning up the odd mess. one thing i hate to clean up, however, are my younger brother’s bathroom messes. there’s one brother in particular, “dylan” (12m) who makes the most messes out of everyone. and if i’m being honest, it drives me fucking insane. my mother never holds him accountable for cleaning up his own messes, and doesn’t try to talk to him about personal responsibility or ways to make sure the bathroom is clean before he leaves it. each time i confront him about his messes, my mom also tries to shift the blame to her other sons or even other children, but i know it’s dylan. i’ve been made to clean up puddles of pee on the floor that he left there, and have had to wash my bath mats because they’ve had pee and poo on them from him. i’ve also seen poo on the toilet seat, and dylan never washes his hands. on the rare occasion that mom scolds him for a mess, it’s only after i’ve already been made to clean it. so he learns nothing from that. this morning my mom and i got into an argument because i had just cleaned the bathroom, and dylan had used the entire roll of toilet paper, left the cardboard roll on the floor, left my towels on the floor, and didn’t flush his poo. i went and told dylan to please clean up his mess, and my mom started yelling at me, accusing me of micromanaging dylan instead of just cleaning it up myself. she told me i was being dramatic and that it really wasn’t that big of a deal. i didn’t say anything back to her because i didn’t want to escalate that argument. then she said no one is allowed to use the bathrooms anymore because “no one knows how to take care of them.” there’s a second bathroom across from mine that is always disgusting because dylan doesn’t clean up after himself. it’s so disgusting that we tell guests to use mine instead because my mom is embarrassed that the other bathroom looks that way. my mom has always threatened to put a lock on the bathroom doors if no one can keep them clean, and i think the locks might be a good way of proving that it is dylan making these messes. in my mind, this will be a good teachable moment for dylan to hold himself accountable and clean up after himself. i’m obviously still heated about this and it’s making me consider staying with my boyfriend for a few days, about 20 minutes away. i am so angry and exhausted from always having to have this this argument with mom and nothing comes of it. wibta if i bought that lock? tl;dr - my mom makes me clean up my brothers bathroom messes and threatens to put a lock on the bathrooms if no one can keep them clean, so i’m considering buying a lock for my bathroom. [/INST] nta but it’s not gonna help anything. you’ll just be yelled at. your mom absolutely knows who is making the messes. she’s defending him every single time. if i were you, i’d just leave for a while and let her see for herself how disgusting the bathroom gets when you’re not there to clean up all their messes. side bar, i don’t know how you can clean up another persons pee and poop and continue to live there. i’d really really consider moving out permanently if possible. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to force my child to show physical affection towards others?
|
my husband and i are parents to a wonderful 18 month old girl. she was born the week before our state locked down in march 2020, so she’s really the true definition of a c**** baby. as a result, her interactions with family have been limited. she’s most comfortable with my mother, mainly because my mom sees her at least 1-2x a week usually. with my husband’s parents, she’s definitely more attached to myself and my husband. we are working on her being around others since everyone is now vaccinated, but again, she’s 18 months old….her being securely attached to her parents, especially since i’m a stay at home mom, is pretty normal and healthy i think.
so on to the story. we just returned from a week long vacation with my in laws. the entire time we were there, they were either trying to force baby to hug/kiss them, be held by them, or just completely ignored her. my husband and i believe in teaching baby that she is in control of her body and that she doesn’t have to hug/kiss/be held by anyone she doesn’t want to. at home we always ask if she wants to hug/kiss us or if we can hug/kiss her and if she doesn’t want to we always respect that boundary. well, in laws don’t like that. they see it as us telling baby not to hug them (we’ve never told her not to hug them, but we have said she doesn’t have to hug them after they’ve asked her for a hug more than once).
i definitely think that the pan***** ha contributed to her being a little more on the shy side. and she doesn’t see my in laws very much. but now i’m wondering if we’re teaching her the wrong thing and we should just encourage her to hug them? so, aita for not forcing baby to show physically affection to others including grandparents?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pjby93/aita_for_not_wanting_to_force_my_child_to_show/
|
2021-09-07 00:19:52
|
nta you can't force affection on a toddler that doesn't want it. that doesn't make them grow closer to you.
|
nta
such a huge nta!! your teaching your daughter consent! which is perfectly fine to do!
your teaching her that she had a say in who touches her and in what way. also, that if she’s not comfortable with someone touching her that she has a right to say no.
good for you for teaching her young that no one is entitled to her body or has a right to touch her.
my son is two and i’ve never forced him to hug or kiss anyone. myself and his father included.
|
anyone who gets mad at you for this wants to touch your daughter without her consent. just to put this in perspective.
like, yeah, not only are you not the asshole i think you should call anyone who tries to force her out on being a fucking creep.
|
nta. i think you should keep doung what you're doing. it's so important to teach children bodily autonomy. be prepared to receive a lot off flack for this though. my mother always had my back when i didn't want to hug or shake hands with someone, even family, when i was a small child and a lot of people did not receive that well, found it disrespectful, etc.
|
nta! so much nta! autonomy is so very important. you're doing the right thing.
|
nta. a child should never be forced to show affection. you are teaching her correctly that there are boundaries and it is her body.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i are parents to a wonderful 18 month old girl. she was born the week before our state locked down in march 2020, so she’s really the true definition of a c**** baby. as a result, her interactions with family have been limited. she’s most comfortable with my mother, mainly because my mom sees her at least 1-2x a week usually. with my husband’s parents, she’s definitely more attached to myself and my husband. we are working on her being around others since everyone is now vaccinated, but again, she’s 18 months old….her being securely attached to her parents, especially since i’m a stay at home mom, is pretty normal and healthy i think. so on to the story. we just returned from a week long vacation with my in laws. the entire time we were there, they were either trying to force baby to hug/kiss them, be held by them, or just completely ignored her. my husband and i believe in teaching baby that she is in control of her body and that she doesn’t have to hug/kiss/be held by anyone she doesn’t want to. at home we always ask if she wants to hug/kiss us or if we can hug/kiss her and if she doesn’t want to we always respect that boundary. well, in laws don’t like that. they see it as us telling baby not to hug them (we’ve never told her not to hug them, but we have said she doesn’t have to hug them after they’ve asked her for a hug more than once). i definitely think that the pan***** ha contributed to her being a little more on the shy side. and she doesn’t see my in laws very much. but now i’m wondering if we’re teaching her the wrong thing and we should just encourage her to hug them? so, aita for not forcing baby to show physically affection to others including grandparents?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i are parents to a wonderful 18 month old girl. she was born the week before our state locked down in march 2020, so she’s really the true definition of a c**** baby. as a result, her interactions with family have been limited. she’s most comfortable with my mother, mainly because my mom sees her at least 1-2x a week usually. with my husband’s parents, she’s definitely more attached to myself and my husband. we are working on her being around others since everyone is now vaccinated, but again, she’s 18 months old….her being securely attached to her parents, especially since i’m a stay at home mom, is pretty normal and healthy i think. so on to the story. we just returned from a week long vacation with my in laws. the entire time we were there, they were either trying to force baby to hug/kiss them, be held by them, or just completely ignored her. my husband and i believe in teaching baby that she is in control of her body and that she doesn’t have to hug/kiss/be held by anyone she doesn’t want to. at home we always ask if she wants to hug/kiss us or if we can hug/kiss her and if she doesn’t want to we always respect that boundary. well, in laws don’t like that. they see it as us telling baby not to hug them (we’ve never told her not to hug them, but we have said she doesn’t have to hug them after they’ve asked her for a hug more than once). i definitely think that the pan***** ha contributed to her being a little more on the shy side. and she doesn’t see my in laws very much. but now i’m wondering if we’re teaching her the wrong thing and we should just encourage her to hug them? so, aita for not forcing baby to show physically affection to others including grandparents? [/INST] nta you can't force affection on a toddler that doesn't want it. that doesn't make them grow closer to you. </s>
|
AITA for going off at my husband for always bringing up women doing horrible things?
|
sn: i love my husband, hes an awesome human, i wouldnt change anything but this in our relationship honestly.
so he does this thing at least every few days where he'll send me an article of a women (never a man) doing something obviously terrible & then go on about how "she'll never get charged because she's a woman." i tried to make an example but mods removed my post so im sure you get the picture.
obviously regardless of the gender what they did is fucked up but it's getting really annoying, uncomfortable & for some reason gives me this weird "incel" type feeling towards him because its always about women. i've told him to stop sending them to me because it makes me feel weird a few times but he did it again this morning & i went off.
i can't explain why this irritates me so much so maybe im overreacting? aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bljpck/aita_for_going_off_at_my_husband_for_always/
|
2019-05-07 00:05:40
|
nta. that's incredibly annoying to deal with. but be warned if you try to argue with him, he might believe he's right even more.
|
nta
from now on, just delete his emails. not giving any sort of feedback to certain low level bad behavior is how one trains animals. not saying he's an animal, but i've heard this works.
|
nta. your husband is cherry picking examples. women get in trouble for doing awful things. men do more awful things.
i am reminded of the study they did where a monkey is given a treat for doing something, and another monkey does not get a treat for doing the same thing. monkey b got so mad at the unfairness! your husband is monkey b, if he got mad even when he did get the treat.
|
nta, you're not overreacting. if he's only looking at/blaming women for horrible things, he may be r/redpill \- ing or going down a dark incel pathway. you were right to call it out.
|
nta- you’ve asked him to stop, and he keeps doing it. not cool.
also why is he so obsessed with this? it’s kind of a weird thing to fixate on, assuming he doesn’t hate women?
|
nta. he’s made his point and it’s very understandable that you’d be frustrated by the way he’s fixated on this. you might want to look at r/mensrights and see if any of their other stances ring true; this could become a much bigger problem if your husband is espousing more sexist views, especially if you’re a woman.
|
nta- you asked him to stop and explained your feelings, so him continuing to do so is rude. and i get why that would be uncomfortable, it does come off as slightly misogynistic.
|
nta. it seems that you think of him as a great guy. so just ask him, is there something that is bothering him. a woman he considers unqualified get promoted at his work? something else that made him feel discriminated against because of being a guy? if nothing like that is effecting his behavior, then ask if he is trying piss you off in this way because he’s mad at you for some reason. i’m just trying to think around the edges. “why would a normally loving husband keep pushing a news topic at his wife after she’s asked him to stop?”
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: sn: i love my husband, hes an awesome human, i wouldnt change anything but this in our relationship honestly. so he does this thing at least every few days where he'll send me an article of a women (never a man) doing something obviously terrible & then go on about how "she'll never get charged because she's a woman." i tried to make an example but mods removed my post so im sure you get the picture. obviously regardless of the gender what they did is fucked up but it's getting really annoying, uncomfortable & for some reason gives me this weird "incel" type feeling towards him because its always about women. i've told him to stop sending them to me because it makes me feel weird a few times but he did it again this morning & i went off. i can't explain why this irritates me so much so maybe im overreacting? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
sn: i love my husband, hes an awesome human, i wouldnt change anything but this in our relationship honestly. so he does this thing at least every few days where he'll send me an article of a women (never a man) doing something obviously terrible & then go on about how "she'll never get charged because she's a woman." i tried to make an example but mods removed my post so im sure you get the picture. obviously regardless of the gender what they did is fucked up but it's getting really annoying, uncomfortable & for some reason gives me this weird "incel" type feeling towards him because its always about women. i've told him to stop sending them to me because it makes me feel weird a few times but he did it again this morning & i went off. i can't explain why this irritates me so much so maybe im overreacting? aita? [/INST] nta. that's incredibly annoying to deal with. but be warned if you try to argue with him, he might believe he's right even more. </s>
|
WIBTA if I suggested that my ex didn't bring his girlfriend to EVERY contact session with our son?
|
a little background: i (30f) and my ex, who we will call "j" (31m) have a child together, l (2.5m). our relationship ended before l was born, and j has been...unpleasant since even before we found out i was pregnant. he has never been alone with l, as of yet.
j has been dating this woman h (38f) since just before ls first birthday. since the original introduction she has been at almost every visitation, on every video call, she writes all ls birthday and christmas cards, and i'm 98% certain she writes the official correspondence between j, the courts, and myself on his behalf. she has no children herself, but likes to give me parenting advice. i don't like her, lol, but l does, so i can keep my mouth shut and play nice for him.
the problem is, she is always there. l refers to them as "dadhername" as one being, and neither j nor l know how to interact with each other without her there.
a few months ago, h threw j out and they "were on a break", which meant that she didn't come to the visits, or appear on the phonecalls. l was absolutely heartbroken that she wasn't there, but him and j started getting into a kind of relationship groove?
since she's come back, it's gone right back to how it was before, j is constantly bitching that he has no relationship with his son, so wibta if i suggested he spent some 1:1 time with l, and h stayed home sometimes?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w9rlib/wibta_if_i_suggested_that_my_ex_didnt_bring_his/
|
2022-07-27 22:10:49
|
nta- he should be spending one on one time with his son. sounds like she is a rather pushy person and he needs to grow a spine to deal with her.
|
nta,
based on what you said, this seems like valid reasoning. if he himself complains about not being close to his son, then he should try being around him by himself.
if you say it though, i recommend doing it in such a way that it is kind and helpful. snarkiness is awesome, but be careful not to start an unwanted row about it.
|
nta. i had a similar situation where the new wife hated that her hubby had an ex and small child. so, she controlled every single aspect of said child's time when at their home. it was a nightmare.
you can suggest that he spend some one-on-one time with your son but don't be surprised if it doesn't happen. ms control freak will be screaming her fool head off and he'll back down. especially since that break was no doubt meant to show him who's boss.
|
i wouldn’t think it would exactly make you an ah, but i think it’s a real bad and misguided idea for you to be the one to suggest this. your ex is responsible for managing his relationship with h and whether or not she participates in interacting with his son. if he wants to have more one-on-one time with his son, up to him to tell h.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a little background: i (30f) and my ex, who we will call "j" (31m) have a child together, l (2.5m). our relationship ended before l was born, and j has been...unpleasant since even before we found out i was pregnant. he has never been alone with l, as of yet. j has been dating this woman h (38f) since just before ls first birthday. since the original introduction she has been at almost every visitation, on every video call, she writes all ls birthday and christmas cards, and i'm 98% certain she writes the official correspondence between j, the courts, and myself on his behalf. she has no children herself, but likes to give me parenting advice. i don't like her, lol, but l does, so i can keep my mouth shut and play nice for him. the problem is, she is always there. l refers to them as "dadhername" as one being, and neither j nor l know how to interact with each other without her there. a few months ago, h threw j out and they "were on a break", which meant that she didn't come to the visits, or appear on the phonecalls. l was absolutely heartbroken that she wasn't there, but him and j started getting into a kind of relationship groove? since she's come back, it's gone right back to how it was before, j is constantly bitching that he has no relationship with his son, so wibta if i suggested he spent some 1:1 time with l, and h stayed home sometimes?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a little background: i (30f) and my ex, who we will call "j" (31m) have a child together, l (2.5m). our relationship ended before l was born, and j has been...unpleasant since even before we found out i was pregnant. he has never been alone with l, as of yet. j has been dating this woman h (38f) since just before ls first birthday. since the original introduction she has been at almost every visitation, on every video call, she writes all ls birthday and christmas cards, and i'm 98% certain she writes the official correspondence between j, the courts, and myself on his behalf. she has no children herself, but likes to give me parenting advice. i don't like her, lol, but l does, so i can keep my mouth shut and play nice for him. the problem is, she is always there. l refers to them as "dadhername" as one being, and neither j nor l know how to interact with each other without her there. a few months ago, h threw j out and they "were on a break", which meant that she didn't come to the visits, or appear on the phonecalls. l was absolutely heartbroken that she wasn't there, but him and j started getting into a kind of relationship groove? since she's come back, it's gone right back to how it was before, j is constantly bitching that he has no relationship with his son, so wibta if i suggested he spent some 1:1 time with l, and h stayed home sometimes? [/INST] nta- he should be spending one on one time with his son. sounds like she is a rather pushy person and he needs to grow a spine to deal with her. </s>
|
WIBTA for for bringing up the fact that my Dads partner never uses the word "please" with me?
|
i (31m) work in travel, and spend 95% of my time outside the uk. i recently got told i needed minor surgery, it was recommended that i fly home to get it done. as i mostly live out of airbnbs, i didn't have a place to stay in the uk. i asked my dad if i could stay with him for 2 weeks while i recover from the surgery.
&#x200b;
he lives with his partner of 10 years, they have lived together around 5 years. i have always maintained a very good relationship with my dad, and a fairly good relationship with his partner (jane). jane and i had one big argument 2 years ago. we made up and have gotten on well since.
&#x200b;
it's been 4 days, and i have noticed jane has asked me to do a number of small tasks, and not once has she used the word please. eg. we walked past a pot plant in the garden that had been knocked over... "pick up that pot plant", or
"loosen the top of this jar", "put this on there."
(i actually noticed this years ago, but have never before been in a position to experience it every day)
&#x200b;
i find the way she asks me to do these things to be extremely rude. i've been very close to saying something about it, the only thing stopping me is that i know my dad hates conflict. i appreciate everything he has done for me by letting me stay here, and i know how awkward he would feel if things escalated into a full on argument.
&#x200b;
today he could tell something was wrong, i told him what was bothering me, and told him i was planning on saying something to jane next time it happened. he pleaded for me not to.
&#x200b;
so, am i overreacting here? wibta to say something to her next time it happens, knowing there's a good chance it's going to escalate and make my dad very uncomfortable?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xrf317/wibta_for_for_bringing_up_the_fact_that_my_dads/
|
2022-09-29 18:22:11
|
nta however you're only going to be there for two weeks, your dad did you a favor and you can argue this another time. this is definitely a pick your battles moment.
|
i would strongly considering just letting it go and accept the fact that this is just how she was raised. she may not think it's inconsiderate because her parent or both parents never used please when requesting a small task while working together or in the same area of the home or yard.
similar to those who had parents that never said "i love you" or i'm proud of you", the so and kids knew it in their own way.
i only say this because when helping my father or being in the vicinity of him while he's doing something, he might say, "pick that up and hand it to me." or "that fell over. pick it up." or "go get the (name of tool)." he never said it in a demanding way, but more of a matter of fact/ask type tone. he was not at all an inconsiderate person.
benefit of the doubt. nah
|
she may not notice she is doing it, you could phrase as a joke “ please would be nice hahaha” or go direct which i think is best, “ hey jane, i’ve noticed you don’t “ask” me to do things and it bothers me. if you would like me to do something i would appreciate if you asked me verse telling me.”
then have an airbnb on stand-by when she gets mad. nta , i say please to my kids all of the time when i initially ask them to accomplish a task. it doesn’t cost anything to say please or if you really hate the word say “i noticed that plant fell over, can you pick it up?”
nta
|
ywbta to say anything to that rude biddy and cause issues for your dad. just emulate her : pass the salt, jane. make me a cup tea. get me a newspaper when you go the store. it’ll be a challenge since you’re used to being more polite and gracious. don’t laugh - it’s hard to be brisk and bossy when you actually have better manners than that.
|
i'm leaning nah, just because it's not clear how she handles conflict. i'm leaning towards leaving it alone, just because you are a guest for a few weeks, but your dad actively has to live with her, and will long after those two weeks are up.
|
[deleted]
|
ywbta
your dad has asked you not to have the confrontation. it sounds like it may not be something she does with anyone, and not pointed at you personally. your dad is doing you a favor. you'll only be there a few more days. this is probably not a hill you should die on, all things considered.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
| null |
YTA
| null | null | null | 0.590164 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (31m) work in travel, and spend 95% of my time outside the uk. i recently got told i needed minor surgery, it was recommended that i fly home to get it done. as i mostly live out of airbnbs, i didn't have a place to stay in the uk. i asked my dad if i could stay with him for 2 weeks while i recover from the surgery. &#x200b; he lives with his partner of 10 years, they have lived together around 5 years. i have always maintained a very good relationship with my dad, and a fairly good relationship with his partner (jane). jane and i had one big argument 2 years ago. we made up and have gotten on well since. &#x200b; it's been 4 days, and i have noticed jane has asked me to do a number of small tasks, and not once has she used the word please. eg. we walked past a pot plant in the garden that had been knocked over... "pick up that pot plant", or "loosen the top of this jar", "put this on there." (i actually noticed this years ago, but have never before been in a position to experience it every day) &#x200b; i find the way she asks me to do these things to be extremely rude. i've been very close to saying something about it, the only thing stopping me is that i know my dad hates conflict. i appreciate everything he has done for me by letting me stay here, and i know how awkward he would feel if things escalated into a full on argument. &#x200b; today he could tell something was wrong, i told him what was bothering me, and told him i was planning on saying something to jane next time it happened. he pleaded for me not to. &#x200b; so, am i overreacting here? wibta to say something to her next time it happens, knowing there's a good chance it's going to escalate and make my dad very uncomfortable?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (31m) work in travel, and spend 95% of my time outside the uk. i recently got told i needed minor surgery, it was recommended that i fly home to get it done. as i mostly live out of airbnbs, i didn't have a place to stay in the uk. i asked my dad if i could stay with him for 2 weeks while i recover from the surgery. &#x200b; he lives with his partner of 10 years, they have lived together around 5 years. i have always maintained a very good relationship with my dad, and a fairly good relationship with his partner (jane). jane and i had one big argument 2 years ago. we made up and have gotten on well since. &#x200b; it's been 4 days, and i have noticed jane has asked me to do a number of small tasks, and not once has she used the word please. eg. we walked past a pot plant in the garden that had been knocked over... "pick up that pot plant", or "loosen the top of this jar", "put this on there." (i actually noticed this years ago, but have never before been in a position to experience it every day) &#x200b; i find the way she asks me to do these things to be extremely rude. i've been very close to saying something about it, the only thing stopping me is that i know my dad hates conflict. i appreciate everything he has done for me by letting me stay here, and i know how awkward he would feel if things escalated into a full on argument. &#x200b; today he could tell something was wrong, i told him what was bothering me, and told him i was planning on saying something to jane next time it happened. he pleaded for me not to. &#x200b; so, am i overreacting here? wibta to say something to her next time it happens, knowing there's a good chance it's going to escalate and make my dad very uncomfortable? [/INST] nta however you're only going to be there for two weeks, your dad did you a favor and you can argue this another time. this is definitely a pick your battles moment. </s>
|
AITA For causing a doordash driver to be banned from the app?
|
so last week my man was wanting some ice cream. it was after 10 so all of the local shops were closed and i had already gotten into my pajamas so i didn't want to get dressed again just to go to the gas station. i decided to doordash from walgreens. i put in my order, 20 minutes later the driver gets to the store, picks up my order, and then heads in my direction. a fucking hour later, and she still hasn't arrived. i get annoyed and tried to contact her. no response. it has literally said that this chick is down the street from me for like 20 minutes at this point so i go into the door dash help section and report the order for being late, and since it is more than 20 minutes past the time it said it would be delivered, they processed a refund, i still wanted my fruit snacks though so i didn't have them cancel the delivery.
i'm waiting another 20 minutes and this girl doesn't show up. her location on the app disappeared, and i'm pissed at this point. she won't answer her phone and i figure she just decided to try to rip me off, and make me cancel the order so that she still gets paid.
well you know what honey? it's my friday and i'm not going to use this app again until i go back to work so try me. suddenly the app marks the order as delivered, i go outside and there's nothing. i decided to contact the support again and let them know that it was marked as delivered but i didn't get my food. they gave me another refund and said that they filed a complaint on her account.
well today this chick comes knocking on my door. she told me that the reason she didn't show up was because she got in a car accident and totaled her car and that she was too preoccupied with filing and insurance claim to deal with the app or my order or my calls and then her phone died before she got home. she told me that door dash banned her account and she won't be able to do deliveries anymore and it was her only source of income since she lost her job. she told me that i was a piece of shit for launching a complaint against her without letting her explain what was going on and asked me to tell them i was lying about it she said she came to my house because she didn't have any other way to get in contact with me and she had my address saved on her phone from the delivery. i told her i would think about it.
idk how that would affect my account so i don't want to do that. i feel like she should be able to report the accident to door dash and explain why she couldn't deliver the orders. i will look into dropping the complaint against her but i'm not going to claim that i lied about the whole thing especially since she didn't contact me to let me know what happened.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/moek6a/aita_for_causing_a_doordash_driver_to_be_banned/
|
2021-04-10 22:29:25
|
nta you had no way of knowing this was the case. the driver should be able to contact doordash and show them proof of why she was delayed if her story is true. if anything, i would be complaining again about the fact that an employee of theirs (or former) used my private information to knock on my door and tell me off. if she comes back, threaten to call the police on her.
|
nta. in fact, i would file another complaint against any driver that showed up at my door as a private citizen. i mean, are you kidding me? this person is too irresponsible to even drive for doordash.
|
nta, none if what she said has anything to do with you. you didn't get your delivery so you followed their procedures to get a refund.
seems odd she would have your address saved on her phone, i thought these apps supplied gps for the delivery drivers. if she had an accident surely she should take it up with doordash with a police report or insurance report.
|
nta. even if she was honestly so flustered by being in an accident that answering one call or typing one line to say “sorry accident will talk to you asap” was beyond her (although she was apparently just fine to file an insurance claim, which doesn’t *have* to be done immediately), if she wants doordash to take her back then *she* has to deal with them. if she’s telling the truth, she has plenty of evidence, insurance claim and dented car and all! getting you to say you were lying probably wouldn’t have gotten her reinstated (there’s still that hour delay and i assume they were trying to contact her as well) and could get you banned for fraudulently getting a refund.
something’s definitely fishy. i wouldn’t drop the complaint if i were you, and frankly i’d probably contact the company again to tell them she saved your address and showed up at your place. if she turns up again, tell her to leave before you call the police. (maybe don’t actually call unless she gets really nasty though.)
|
nta. she saved your address, came to your home, and harassed you? for something that wasn’t your fault? she needs to talk to doordash about it, not you. if it was me, i would have reported her to the police
|
nta
&#x200b;
her getting banned is between her and doordash, and surely could be fixed by her sending details of the accident. unless it wasn't the first time, or she's not being honest.
&#x200b;
her coming to your door, however is a massive violation. frankly this is worse than the first incident, and you would be well within your rights to complain once more to doordash about their driver contacting you in an unsolicited way like this.
|
nta
1) don't lie to them under any circumstances - it will only make things worse.
2) ask to see proof of the accident. sounds very suspicious.
3) you had no way of knowing any of that - assuming she's telling the truth, what did she expect you to think or do? you did the only available and logical thing.
4) she didn't have the time to do anything with the app, but she had the time to mark your order as delivered?
5) dashers are not supposed to show up at past customers residences! if she really felt it was necessary to contact you, she had your number! doordash is who she needs to complain to, not you. her coming over there is completely unprofessional and unacceptable.
let her join grubhub or uber eats instead, and contact doordash or report her to the cops if she shows up again.
|
suuuper nta. wildly inappropriate for her to come to your house.
|
nta.
she saved a customers address and then showed up unannounced later! that’s a huge problem to save info like that and then bother a customer. what if she had been a dangerous person and done that??
i get she was in an accident, and she could be reinstated since it was an extreme circumstance,
but she shouldn’t be after violating all principles like she did with your address.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so last week my man was wanting some ice cream. it was after 10 so all of the local shops were closed and i had already gotten into my pajamas so i didn't want to get dressed again just to go to the gas station. i decided to doordash from walgreens. i put in my order, 20 minutes later the driver gets to the store, picks up my order, and then heads in my direction. a fucking hour later, and she still hasn't arrived. i get annoyed and tried to contact her. no response. it has literally said that this chick is down the street from me for like 20 minutes at this point so i go into the door dash help section and report the order for being late, and since it is more than 20 minutes past the time it said it would be delivered, they processed a refund, i still wanted my fruit snacks though so i didn't have them cancel the delivery. i'm waiting another 20 minutes and this girl doesn't show up. her location on the app disappeared, and i'm pissed at this point. she won't answer her phone and i figure she just decided to try to rip me off, and make me cancel the order so that she still gets paid. well you know what honey? it's my friday and i'm not going to use this app again until i go back to work so try me. suddenly the app marks the order as delivered, i go outside and there's nothing. i decided to contact the support again and let them know that it was marked as delivered but i didn't get my food. they gave me another refund and said that they filed a complaint on her account. well today this chick comes knocking on my door. she told me that the reason she didn't show up was because she got in a car accident and totaled her car and that she was too preoccupied with filing and insurance claim to deal with the app or my order or my calls and then her phone died before she got home. she told me that door dash banned her account and she won't be able to do deliveries anymore and it was her only source of income since she lost her job. she told me that i was a piece of shit for launching a complaint against her without letting her explain what was going on and asked me to tell them i was lying about it she said she came to my house because she didn't have any other way to get in contact with me and she had my address saved on her phone from the delivery. i told her i would think about it. idk how that would affect my account so i don't want to do that. i feel like she should be able to report the accident to door dash and explain why she couldn't deliver the orders. i will look into dropping the complaint against her but i'm not going to claim that i lied about the whole thing especially since she didn't contact me to let me know what happened.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so last week my man was wanting some ice cream. it was after 10 so all of the local shops were closed and i had already gotten into my pajamas so i didn't want to get dressed again just to go to the gas station. i decided to doordash from walgreens. i put in my order, 20 minutes later the driver gets to the store, picks up my order, and then heads in my direction. a fucking hour later, and she still hasn't arrived. i get annoyed and tried to contact her. no response. it has literally said that this chick is down the street from me for like 20 minutes at this point so i go into the door dash help section and report the order for being late, and since it is more than 20 minutes past the time it said it would be delivered, they processed a refund, i still wanted my fruit snacks though so i didn't have them cancel the delivery. i'm waiting another 20 minutes and this girl doesn't show up. her location on the app disappeared, and i'm pissed at this point. she won't answer her phone and i figure she just decided to try to rip me off, and make me cancel the order so that she still gets paid. well you know what honey? it's my friday and i'm not going to use this app again until i go back to work so try me. suddenly the app marks the order as delivered, i go outside and there's nothing. i decided to contact the support again and let them know that it was marked as delivered but i didn't get my food. they gave me another refund and said that they filed a complaint on her account. well today this chick comes knocking on my door. she told me that the reason she didn't show up was because she got in a car accident and totaled her car and that she was too preoccupied with filing and insurance claim to deal with the app or my order or my calls and then her phone died before she got home. she told me that door dash banned her account and she won't be able to do deliveries anymore and it was her only source of income since she lost her job. she told me that i was a piece of shit for launching a complaint against her without letting her explain what was going on and asked me to tell them i was lying about it she said she came to my house because she didn't have any other way to get in contact with me and she had my address saved on her phone from the delivery. i told her i would think about it. idk how that would affect my account so i don't want to do that. i feel like she should be able to report the accident to door dash and explain why she couldn't deliver the orders. i will look into dropping the complaint against her but i'm not going to claim that i lied about the whole thing especially since she didn't contact me to let me know what happened. [/INST] nta you had no way of knowing this was the case. the driver should be able to contact doordash and show them proof of why she was delayed if her story is true. if anything, i would be complaining again about the fact that an employee of theirs (or former) used my private information to knock on my door and tell me off. if she comes back, threaten to call the police on her. </s>
|
AITA for trying to keep a kitten my ex claims he’s “raised” in the midst of a divorce?
|
am i being an asshole?
**long post**
my stbx is saying that im being petty and childish as we’re trying to get a divorce.
why? because i want to keep our kitten that he claims he’s “raised” (his main point is having to massage her bum to make her poop) he barely takes care of her anymore. i have to hound him on feeding her (she goes around trying to stuff her face in the other cats bowl bc she’s hungry) i keep telling him kittens eat more than a cat does.
he also doesn’t clean out her litter box, it’s full of cat sh!t and he won’t clean it.
i’ve also been trying to train her not to bite and scratch but he’s been against that and snatching her away from me bc “she’s still a baby” and doesn’t want me to tell her no.. like okay ? when do you think you’re supposed to kick out bad habits??
i’ve also paid for all her vet trips and medication as he doesn’t have a job.
he wants to take her back home with him and i said she’s not going unless i get the money back that i’ve put into her. she’s also bonded with my 1yr old cat and it’s going to suck not having her around for my other cat.
onto other things.. he came busting in my room saying he needs to use the car and i ask what for and he says “i don’t need to tell you everything anymore” so i tell him that i do need to know why he’s using my car, especially when i have to go to work. then he got mad saying that we’re still married so it’s “our” car even tho he’s never spent a dime paying for insurance/maintenance/gas/etc.
so i reiterated that it’s my car and i need to know when and why he’s using it bc i work.
he also called me crazy because i was changing the emails to amazon/hulu/spotify/etc to my email because guess what.. i pay for it all.
it’s not like i’m not letting him use it, i just changed it all to my information.
he’s basically making me out to be the bad guy against his family and telling them that i’m being selfish and crazy. he tried to say that i wouldn’t pay for boxes for him to pack when he literally never asked me. just small lies that i don’t appreciate.
am i being an asshole for trying to keep the kitten and bringing up how much i bring to the plate and comparing it to his $0.. which again, i’m only doing because he’s going around trying to be mr. man when i’ve literally paid for everything in this house.
**im military and he doesn’t have a job because he was trying to join as well but he was seriously dragging his feet so he never contributed anything while we’ve been together.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/npjagj/aita_for_trying_to_keep_a_kitten_my_ex_claims_hes/
|
2021-06-01 02:12:23
|
nta. the kitten will be much better off with you. someone who isn’t willing to clean a little box shouldn’t have a cat.
|
nta
sounds like he views the cat as property and just wants to have it to spite you.
he's making you out to be the bad guy to absolve himself from some guilt (cuz he basically lives off of you) and so people take pity on him.
also, just expect him to hit you up for 'catsupport' when he does get the cat. that's what deadbeats do.
|
nta. and i just want to say i despise people who want to use animals as a method to hurt someone as opposed to loving them unconditionally...
|
i’m going for a nta. from your story it is you who is paying for the cat, you who takes care of her, and you who fully understands how to care for her. if he does get the cat i worry that she’ll end up dying or severely neglected because he doesn’t want or know how to care for her.
|
in many states they take into consideration who has paid for upkeep, vets, feed, etc., as well as general care such as feeding, litterbox cleaning when determining pet ownership. contact your attorney if he refuses to budge.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: am i being an asshole? **long post** my stbx is saying that im being petty and childish as we’re trying to get a divorce. why? because i want to keep our kitten that he claims he’s “raised” (his main point is having to massage her bum to make her poop) he barely takes care of her anymore. i have to hound him on feeding her (she goes around trying to stuff her face in the other cats bowl bc she’s hungry) i keep telling him kittens eat more than a cat does. he also doesn’t clean out her litter box, it’s full of cat sh!t and he won’t clean it. i’ve also been trying to train her not to bite and scratch but he’s been against that and snatching her away from me bc “she’s still a baby” and doesn’t want me to tell her no.. like okay ? when do you think you’re supposed to kick out bad habits?? i’ve also paid for all her vet trips and medication as he doesn’t have a job. he wants to take her back home with him and i said she’s not going unless i get the money back that i’ve put into her. she’s also bonded with my 1yr old cat and it’s going to suck not having her around for my other cat. onto other things.. he came busting in my room saying he needs to use the car and i ask what for and he says “i don’t need to tell you everything anymore” so i tell him that i do need to know why he’s using my car, especially when i have to go to work. then he got mad saying that we’re still married so it’s “our” car even tho he’s never spent a dime paying for insurance/maintenance/gas/etc. so i reiterated that it’s my car and i need to know when and why he’s using it bc i work. he also called me crazy because i was changing the emails to amazon/hulu/spotify/etc to my email because guess what.. i pay for it all. it’s not like i’m not letting him use it, i just changed it all to my information. he’s basically making me out to be the bad guy against his family and telling them that i’m being selfish and crazy. he tried to say that i wouldn’t pay for boxes for him to pack when he literally never asked me. just small lies that i don’t appreciate. am i being an asshole for trying to keep the kitten and bringing up how much i bring to the plate and comparing it to his $0.. which again, i’m only doing because he’s going around trying to be mr. man when i’ve literally paid for everything in this house. **im military and he doesn’t have a job because he was trying to join as well but he was seriously dragging his feet so he never contributed anything while we’ve been together.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
am i being an asshole? **long post** my stbx is saying that im being petty and childish as we’re trying to get a divorce. why? because i want to keep our kitten that he claims he’s “raised” (his main point is having to massage her bum to make her poop) he barely takes care of her anymore. i have to hound him on feeding her (she goes around trying to stuff her face in the other cats bowl bc she’s hungry) i keep telling him kittens eat more than a cat does. he also doesn’t clean out her litter box, it’s full of cat sh!t and he won’t clean it. i’ve also been trying to train her not to bite and scratch but he’s been against that and snatching her away from me bc “she’s still a baby” and doesn’t want me to tell her no.. like okay ? when do you think you’re supposed to kick out bad habits?? i’ve also paid for all her vet trips and medication as he doesn’t have a job. he wants to take her back home with him and i said she’s not going unless i get the money back that i’ve put into her. she’s also bonded with my 1yr old cat and it’s going to suck not having her around for my other cat. onto other things.. he came busting in my room saying he needs to use the car and i ask what for and he says “i don’t need to tell you everything anymore” so i tell him that i do need to know why he’s using my car, especially when i have to go to work. then he got mad saying that we’re still married so it’s “our” car even tho he’s never spent a dime paying for insurance/maintenance/gas/etc. so i reiterated that it’s my car and i need to know when and why he’s using it bc i work. he also called me crazy because i was changing the emails to amazon/hulu/spotify/etc to my email because guess what.. i pay for it all. it’s not like i’m not letting him use it, i just changed it all to my information. he’s basically making me out to be the bad guy against his family and telling them that i’m being selfish and crazy. he tried to say that i wouldn’t pay for boxes for him to pack when he literally never asked me. just small lies that i don’t appreciate. am i being an asshole for trying to keep the kitten and bringing up how much i bring to the plate and comparing it to his $0.. which again, i’m only doing because he’s going around trying to be mr. man when i’ve literally paid for everything in this house. **im military and he doesn’t have a job because he was trying to join as well but he was seriously dragging his feet so he never contributed anything while we’ve been together. [/INST] nta. the kitten will be much better off with you. someone who isn’t willing to clean a little box shouldn’t have a cat. </s>
|
AITA for getting mad at my husband for his gender reveal prank?
|
my husband and i are expecting our second child and had a small cookout/gender reveal to celebrate. we really don't care about the gender, but saw some cute ideas online (not trying to stereotype the baby at all and we plan to expose her to a variety of things)
our older daughter loves slime, so she knew the gender ahead of time and made some slime with the help of my mil (so we could be surprised) it was really cute and she had a little lab coat and a little sciency setup and pulled out her slime. it was pink, everyone clapped, and i thought it was time to move on.
my husband has a female best friend "sadie" i really don't like her for a couple reasons unrelated to this, but i have zero issue with his best friend being a woman, and i don't think they have ever crossed any lines. my husband pranks sadie all the time, sometimes i think it is really mean, but she does stuff back to him and it is just their dynamic.
also my husband did not like sadie's hair that day and had made multiple comments about how dumb it looked. so he decided perfect time for a prank and to "celebrate" he dumped the entire vat of slime over her head. this was all caught on camera with our gender reveal video, and i get it that is their relationship, our daughter thought it was funny af, but i felt weird. i felt like he was including her in a family moment when she isn't family.
i brought it up to him when were both were inside for a minute. he said i was being dramatic and everyone thought it was funny, and that he did it because he was excited. i pointed out that she isn't family, and he made her the center of the event. he got annoyed and said i was looking for a fight when it should be a happy day. he said i hate sadie, so i should just be happy that she got slimed and move on. i asked him to at least validate my feelings and apologize, and he got annoyed and asked why i wouldn't let it go, though he did apologize. we enjoyed the rest of the party but he seemed a bit tense.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/unhf41/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_husband_for_his_gender/
|
2022-05-11 19:10:18
|
nah.
i think you could have approached it saying “instead of it being our moment to celebrate our child, you made a moment pranking your friend instead. i would have liked if the focus had remained on the baby”
|
going against the grain here but nta. i can see where your coming from entirely. this is about your child together.. and altho i find gender reveal parties absurd its supposed to be about the mix of you two and instead he then focused on someone else immediately. it doesn't help its someone you dont like already. i'd assume its not really that shes not family but it was just someone else period? maybe you're making that comment because you dont like her and dont fully realize it didn't matter if it was her or someone else?
it was both of your moments and he focused on her instead. i get it. maybe you can clarify, because i bet if he did it 5 minutes later when it wasn't the moment itself you wouldn't care?
|
nta. at best, your husband is childish and immature. at worst, there’s something going on between him and this woman. his need to include her in your personal family celebration between a couple, is weird and disturbing. some people call this peacocking, or preening. it’s a natural male behavior when they are trying to attract a female. if my spouse did this repeatedly, i would have a very good heart-to-heart about this behavior.
you are getting ready to have a baby, again, with this man. he needs to grow up.
|
nta -- i completely understand your pov. dumping slime on his friend is a weird vibe, especially at a gender reveal party, and i can see your discomfort with it when he got defensive about it, claiming that you "hate" sadie, etc. the prank was unnecessarily juvenile and boorish, and i'm kinda surprised sadie didn't dish it right back at him, culminating in a slime-fight -- which would have really been inappropriate. i doubt most people thought it was as funny as he did -- most people were probably thinking "wtf?" and laughing politely.
|
nta look, ymmv, but i really dislike childish, pranky dudes (you married a giant obvious one, so you knew he was like this). i wouldn't trust a person who carries on about a woman's hair being unacceptable to him and then ruining it as a "joke". sadie gets to dress however she wants--and doesn't answer to him about her hair.
"my husband did not like sadie's hair that day and had made multiple comments about how dumb it looked. so he decided perfect time for a prank and to "celebrate" he dumped the entire vat of slime over her head. " your ah husband needs to learn to keep his hands and slime to himself around other people. was sadie cool with her look being picked on all day and then being slimed?
forget all the other stuff about the video (just edit it), but take a hard look at the way your husband treats people, including you and your kids. no one likes the dad who pranks his kids to tears or makes himself the joker at parties and won't stop when told other people don't like it. making a family party about his prank is just a dumbass, selfish thing to do.
"he did it because he was excited" what other impulse control problems does he have? it will sure be a hoot at the kid's birthday party when he smashes sadie's face in the cake, right?
|
i think dumping slime on anyone at a party is childish and i'd walk out. it was a dumb, childish thing to do and pulled all the attention away from the reveal and onto the slimed person. i'd be pissed too.
however, i'd let it go, but not before i said leavethe slime out of any future party we ever have, please.
|
nta- it is not unreasonable for the mom-to-be to want to be the center of attention. this was a special moment for mom and dad to share this with loved ones and friends together. her feelings of not wanting to share the spotlight with his friend should not be disregarded. i can’t believe everyone is coming for mommy like that. she is celebrating the baby that she is carrying. this is not a regular party.
|
nta omg your husband and sadie are too old for pulling pranks. they need to grow tf up. i don’t think your husband is grown up enough to have children especially a second child. your husband’s best friend should be you not sadie.
|
nta.
would your husband think it was cool if, at his bday party, you took a piece of cake and smeared it on your handsome work friend's face? no, he fucking wouldn't. because you are 100% right, there's something weird about drawing a friend into a family moment.
although, if it happened later on at the party that would be different. but right in the moment, when all eyes should be on the parents/family, and their celebration, to draw in a friend is weird.
|
nta, it wasn't the time to pull a prank on his friend, it was supposed to be a fun family moment. (with the husband, wife, and existing child, not his bff who is "like family" like some comments are saying. 🙄)
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband and i are expecting our second child and had a small cookout/gender reveal to celebrate. we really don't care about the gender, but saw some cute ideas online (not trying to stereotype the baby at all and we plan to expose her to a variety of things) our older daughter loves slime, so she knew the gender ahead of time and made some slime with the help of my mil (so we could be surprised) it was really cute and she had a little lab coat and a little sciency setup and pulled out her slime. it was pink, everyone clapped, and i thought it was time to move on. my husband has a female best friend "sadie" i really don't like her for a couple reasons unrelated to this, but i have zero issue with his best friend being a woman, and i don't think they have ever crossed any lines. my husband pranks sadie all the time, sometimes i think it is really mean, but she does stuff back to him and it is just their dynamic. also my husband did not like sadie's hair that day and had made multiple comments about how dumb it looked. so he decided perfect time for a prank and to "celebrate" he dumped the entire vat of slime over her head. this was all caught on camera with our gender reveal video, and i get it that is their relationship, our daughter thought it was funny af, but i felt weird. i felt like he was including her in a family moment when she isn't family. i brought it up to him when were both were inside for a minute. he said i was being dramatic and everyone thought it was funny, and that he did it because he was excited. i pointed out that she isn't family, and he made her the center of the event. he got annoyed and said i was looking for a fight when it should be a happy day. he said i hate sadie, so i should just be happy that she got slimed and move on. i asked him to at least validate my feelings and apologize, and he got annoyed and asked why i wouldn't let it go, though he did apologize. we enjoyed the rest of the party but he seemed a bit tense.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i are expecting our second child and had a small cookout/gender reveal to celebrate. we really don't care about the gender, but saw some cute ideas online (not trying to stereotype the baby at all and we plan to expose her to a variety of things) our older daughter loves slime, so she knew the gender ahead of time and made some slime with the help of my mil (so we could be surprised) it was really cute and she had a little lab coat and a little sciency setup and pulled out her slime. it was pink, everyone clapped, and i thought it was time to move on. my husband has a female best friend "sadie" i really don't like her for a couple reasons unrelated to this, but i have zero issue with his best friend being a woman, and i don't think they have ever crossed any lines. my husband pranks sadie all the time, sometimes i think it is really mean, but she does stuff back to him and it is just their dynamic. also my husband did not like sadie's hair that day and had made multiple comments about how dumb it looked. so he decided perfect time for a prank and to "celebrate" he dumped the entire vat of slime over her head. this was all caught on camera with our gender reveal video, and i get it that is their relationship, our daughter thought it was funny af, but i felt weird. i felt like he was including her in a family moment when she isn't family. i brought it up to him when were both were inside for a minute. he said i was being dramatic and everyone thought it was funny, and that he did it because he was excited. i pointed out that she isn't family, and he made her the center of the event. he got annoyed and said i was looking for a fight when it should be a happy day. he said i hate sadie, so i should just be happy that she got slimed and move on. i asked him to at least validate my feelings and apologize, and he got annoyed and asked why i wouldn't let it go, though he did apologize. we enjoyed the rest of the party but he seemed a bit tense. [/INST] nah. i think you could have approached it saying “instead of it being our moment to celebrate our child, you made a moment pranking your friend instead. i would have liked if the focus had remained on the baby” </s>
|
AITA for calling out my dads behavior
|
just turned 23 and staying with my parents currently because i lost my job and was diagnosed with a disease (fun times) am trying to get ss now so i can leave.
however, my dad is being rude and creepy. i have ptsd and can’t stand being touched, despite laying out clear “no touch” boundaries to him many times, he waits until my back is turned and touches me anyways. if i jerk or react badly in any way, he huffs and grumbles like i’m just being ridiculous. my ptsd isn’t real, i’m just ridiculous. alongside this, he has said some nasty and sexist things.
so, i called him out for it yesterday. i finally snapped and yelled at him. i was met with “you’re a selfish brat, i provide for you, roof over your head, i can have my own opinions!!”
ok, i get it, you can have your shit opinions in your own home. be a sexist. be a creep that touches people that don’t want to be touched. fine. but i swear, i can’t just sit back and take this either. unwanted touch and insults. i just have to suck it up? not speak up for myself?
am i really supposed to sit back and take this because he’s providing? my mom provides too, she says i’m welcome here. but to him i should just shut up and take it until i can move out? is standing up for myself really being an ungrateful brat??
i don’t care how much someone provides, this isn’t ok, in my opinion, but i’ve made a post like this before and some redditors said “omg this belongs in choosing beggars just move out yeah you’re totally ungrateful”
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/owclkq/aita_for_calling_out_my_dads_behavior/
|
2021-08-02 11:32:08
|
nta. if you don't want to be touched by anyone, that's your right. whether they're providing for you or not doesn't mean they then have the right to violate your boundaries.
|
nta i think you definitely need a boundary here. i think you also need to work out how you can become independent so you don't feel stuck with him.
|
nta - he can have his opinions if he wants
but he can’t touch you without your permission
the fact he still does is so majorly wrong
|
nta
crossing your boundaries isn't an "opinion." does your mother have any influence on his behavior?
|
nta.
he is creepy. and you have every right to stand up for yourself.
|
nta. so you’ve clearly established boundaries and he waits until you can’t stop it to ambush you with physical contact? when you remind him of your boundaries he uses guilt to try and force the issue? this is predatory behavior. i hope your circumstances change so you can extricate yourself from this situation.
|
nta. he can have his opinions, but he can't touch you without permission. he's helping you out, he's not bought you.
|
nta. can you ask him why he needs to touch you and ask what he is looking for?
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: just turned 23 and staying with my parents currently because i lost my job and was diagnosed with a disease (fun times) am trying to get ss now so i can leave. however, my dad is being rude and creepy. i have ptsd and can’t stand being touched, despite laying out clear “no touch” boundaries to him many times, he waits until my back is turned and touches me anyways. if i jerk or react badly in any way, he huffs and grumbles like i’m just being ridiculous. my ptsd isn’t real, i’m just ridiculous. alongside this, he has said some nasty and sexist things. so, i called him out for it yesterday. i finally snapped and yelled at him. i was met with “you’re a selfish brat, i provide for you, roof over your head, i can have my own opinions!!” ok, i get it, you can have your shit opinions in your own home. be a sexist. be a creep that touches people that don’t want to be touched. fine. but i swear, i can’t just sit back and take this either. unwanted touch and insults. i just have to suck it up? not speak up for myself? am i really supposed to sit back and take this because he’s providing? my mom provides too, she says i’m welcome here. but to him i should just shut up and take it until i can move out? is standing up for myself really being an ungrateful brat?? i don’t care how much someone provides, this isn’t ok, in my opinion, but i’ve made a post like this before and some redditors said “omg this belongs in choosing beggars just move out yeah you’re totally ungrateful”
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
just turned 23 and staying with my parents currently because i lost my job and was diagnosed with a disease (fun times) am trying to get ss now so i can leave. however, my dad is being rude and creepy. i have ptsd and can’t stand being touched, despite laying out clear “no touch” boundaries to him many times, he waits until my back is turned and touches me anyways. if i jerk or react badly in any way, he huffs and grumbles like i’m just being ridiculous. my ptsd isn’t real, i’m just ridiculous. alongside this, he has said some nasty and sexist things. so, i called him out for it yesterday. i finally snapped and yelled at him. i was met with “you’re a selfish brat, i provide for you, roof over your head, i can have my own opinions!!” ok, i get it, you can have your shit opinions in your own home. be a sexist. be a creep that touches people that don’t want to be touched. fine. but i swear, i can’t just sit back and take this either. unwanted touch and insults. i just have to suck it up? not speak up for myself? am i really supposed to sit back and take this because he’s providing? my mom provides too, she says i’m welcome here. but to him i should just shut up and take it until i can move out? is standing up for myself really being an ungrateful brat?? i don’t care how much someone provides, this isn’t ok, in my opinion, but i’ve made a post like this before and some redditors said “omg this belongs in choosing beggars just move out yeah you’re totally ungrateful” [/INST] nta. if you don't want to be touched by anyone, that's your right. whether they're providing for you or not doesn't mean they then have the right to violate your boundaries. </s>
|
AITA For taking the side of the person my dad hit in a car accident?
|
my (19f) dad (73m) got into a car accident not long ago, and ended up rear ending someone, who we'll call person a. apparently, according to what he told us, this person a wasn't hurt or anything at the scene, and they didn't exchange any information or call the police. my dad just gave person a his phone number and said to "call him and he'll pay for damages". that's it.
come to find out, my dad blames this accident on the fact he was sick and had a 101 degree fever and the flu, and wasn't coherent enough to deliberately cause an accident. but the person a he hit actually sued our insurance, saying that he was indeed injured at the scene, and demanded around 30k in reparations. there are two reasons why i think my dad being outraged by this is bs:
1. my dad has always been an impatient driver. he frequently will put himself and my family in bad situations while driving, such as, and not limited to: turning left on a red light, passing people on a solid line, using the shoulder to get around freeway traffic. the list goes on.
2. if he wasn't coherent, he should've never been behind the wheel. end of story. he was not as sick as he makes himself out to be to people he'll tell the story to.
i recently made a statement along the lines of, "why would you drive if you didn't think you were coherent enough to?" which sent us into an argument. basically, i take the side of person a in all of this, and think they got a raw deal and i don't think it's necessarily fair if they're injured, that my dad plays the victim. aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qmslkg/aita_for_taking_the_side_of_the_person_my_dad_hit/
|
2021-11-04 19:34:49
|
nta. your dad messed up in two ways. 1. like you said, if he was really incoherent he shouldn't have been driving. so, he's either lying or he was wrong to drive. 2. he didn't document anything at the scene of the accident.
|
nta.
that's why he has insurance. it's idiotic to drive if you're not able (whether you're sick, drunk, tired, lost your glasses), but if you for some reason do this anyway, and you get in an accident, you have insurance.
the dumber part is to trust someone else to just call and get money. no, you take pictures, you report it to your own insurance (and this sucks to do, especially if you're at fault, but with so many people with dashcams and stuff, it's better to tell your insurance and get it sorted than to be blind-sided by a lawsuit) and get ahead of it before the other party makes up tall tales.
but no, your dad isn't the victim here. the other party is.
|
oh dear. he's being ta, but if he was telling the truth to you about the actual accident, it sounds like the other party is an ah as well.
people getting into small fender-benders then falsely escalating the claims does happen. your father caused the accident, he should have called insurance immediately, and he should've taken down this other person's information. in older days, some people liked to keep instant cameras in their car just in case they needed to document a scene.
u/no-jellyfish-1208's suggestion to find a lawyer is a good one. you may want to find out whether there is any traffic camera footage available as well.
i wish you both luck.
|
nta - your dad is at fault because a) he rear ended someone b) being too sick to drive is not a defense for crashing into someone lol.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (19f) dad (73m) got into a car accident not long ago, and ended up rear ending someone, who we'll call person a. apparently, according to what he told us, this person a wasn't hurt or anything at the scene, and they didn't exchange any information or call the police. my dad just gave person a his phone number and said to "call him and he'll pay for damages". that's it. come to find out, my dad blames this accident on the fact he was sick and had a 101 degree fever and the flu, and wasn't coherent enough to deliberately cause an accident. but the person a he hit actually sued our insurance, saying that he was indeed injured at the scene, and demanded around 30k in reparations. there are two reasons why i think my dad being outraged by this is bs: 1. my dad has always been an impatient driver. he frequently will put himself and my family in bad situations while driving, such as, and not limited to: turning left on a red light, passing people on a solid line, using the shoulder to get around freeway traffic. the list goes on. 2. if he wasn't coherent, he should've never been behind the wheel. end of story. he was not as sick as he makes himself out to be to people he'll tell the story to. i recently made a statement along the lines of, "why would you drive if you didn't think you were coherent enough to?" which sent us into an argument. basically, i take the side of person a in all of this, and think they got a raw deal and i don't think it's necessarily fair if they're injured, that my dad plays the victim. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (19f) dad (73m) got into a car accident not long ago, and ended up rear ending someone, who we'll call person a. apparently, according to what he told us, this person a wasn't hurt or anything at the scene, and they didn't exchange any information or call the police. my dad just gave person a his phone number and said to "call him and he'll pay for damages". that's it. come to find out, my dad blames this accident on the fact he was sick and had a 101 degree fever and the flu, and wasn't coherent enough to deliberately cause an accident. but the person a he hit actually sued our insurance, saying that he was indeed injured at the scene, and demanded around 30k in reparations. there are two reasons why i think my dad being outraged by this is bs: 1. my dad has always been an impatient driver. he frequently will put himself and my family in bad situations while driving, such as, and not limited to: turning left on a red light, passing people on a solid line, using the shoulder to get around freeway traffic. the list goes on. 2. if he wasn't coherent, he should've never been behind the wheel. end of story. he was not as sick as he makes himself out to be to people he'll tell the story to. i recently made a statement along the lines of, "why would you drive if you didn't think you were coherent enough to?" which sent us into an argument. basically, i take the side of person a in all of this, and think they got a raw deal and i don't think it's necessarily fair if they're injured, that my dad plays the victim. aita? [/INST] nta. your dad messed up in two ways. 1. like you said, if he was really incoherent he shouldn't have been driving. so, he's either lying or he was wrong to drive. 2. he didn't document anything at the scene of the accident. </s>
|
AITA: Mom tracks me, I tell her it makes me uncomfortable
|
hi guys, first time poster, long-time lurker. sorry about formatting, this is my first reddit post and i’m on my phone.
i was out with my girlfriend and her family at a baseball park in my state. i never told anyone we were going, no one from my friend group nor family knew we would be there. when i arrive, i get a text from mom:
“hey are you at (baseball park)?”
i responded with a generic “yes” response but after thinking about it, i became really creeped out. i know that my phone is tracked by my parents, we use it to check on each other during flights and stuff. but why would she be looking on a random day, at a random time, when nothing was going on?
so the next day, i responded,
“hey mom, i know we have tracking on our phones, but it really weirded me out that you texted me where i was. it made me feel uncomfortable, like you were watching over my shoulder. i don’t want to be rude, and i don’t want to be disrespectful, but please don’t do that, it makes me feel creeped out.”
she took exception to that. basically, her response boiled down to:
“i paid for the phone and the plan on it, i can do whatever i want. mail me back the phone i paid for.”
am i the asshole by telling my mom that she made me feel uncomfortable?
would i be the asshole if i did just what she wanted, and then proceeded to get my own phone and plan? i’m not living with my parents anymore, and i can definitely afford it. but they helped to pay for my college, and i feel really guilty.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bp0035/aita_mom_tracks_me_i_tell_her_it_makes_me/
|
2019-05-15 16:22:39
|
nta - jesus thats too much. is there any way you could turn off the tracking?
alternatively, mailing back your phone and getting your own plan sounds like a great plan.
|
nta
you are a college student? and your mother is sitting there at her pc every day watching everywhere you go?
thats..thats beyond fucking creepy, dude. thats 100% fucked up. your mother is an invasive control freak.
i wouldnt be shocked if she is reading your text messages and shit too.
its time to ditch that phone and get your own, on your own plan.. but be prepared for an epic meltdown. i doubt very seriously she'll let this level of invasive control go without a major fight.
|
nta for feeling uncomfortable. nta for telling her you feel uncomfortable. also nta if you decide to do what she said and send back the phone so you can get your own plan. how old are you? it sounds like you're an adult. don't feel guilty about it.
|
nta. my mom did the same for years and i eventually, sadly, got used to it. if you can afford it, then get your own phone and mail back the one she paid for. she’s the one who suggested that, anyway.
she will probably be offended if you do that, so be prepared. you’re an adult and you don’t have to put up with that weirdness
|
nta: you should absolutely get your own phone.
|
nta. you're 22. it's not like you are a minor child.
>would i be the asshole if i did just what she wanted, and then proceeded to get my own phone and plan?
nope. you should not feel guilt that you do not want to be tracked. you're entitled to your privacy.
|
nta. i can see if you were living at home and were under 18 then you wouldn't have much say in the matter, but you don't live there and are over 20 i assume. just take her up on the offer and mail the phone back and get your own if it bothers you that much, it wouldn't be an asshole move.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi guys, first time poster, long-time lurker. sorry about formatting, this is my first reddit post and i’m on my phone. i was out with my girlfriend and her family at a baseball park in my state. i never told anyone we were going, no one from my friend group nor family knew we would be there. when i arrive, i get a text from mom: “hey are you at (baseball park)?” i responded with a generic “yes” response but after thinking about it, i became really creeped out. i know that my phone is tracked by my parents, we use it to check on each other during flights and stuff. but why would she be looking on a random day, at a random time, when nothing was going on? so the next day, i responded, “hey mom, i know we have tracking on our phones, but it really weirded me out that you texted me where i was. it made me feel uncomfortable, like you were watching over my shoulder. i don’t want to be rude, and i don’t want to be disrespectful, but please don’t do that, it makes me feel creeped out.” she took exception to that. basically, her response boiled down to: “i paid for the phone and the plan on it, i can do whatever i want. mail me back the phone i paid for.” am i the asshole by telling my mom that she made me feel uncomfortable? would i be the asshole if i did just what she wanted, and then proceeded to get my own phone and plan? i’m not living with my parents anymore, and i can definitely afford it. but they helped to pay for my college, and i feel really guilty.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi guys, first time poster, long-time lurker. sorry about formatting, this is my first reddit post and i’m on my phone. i was out with my girlfriend and her family at a baseball park in my state. i never told anyone we were going, no one from my friend group nor family knew we would be there. when i arrive, i get a text from mom: “hey are you at (baseball park)?” i responded with a generic “yes” response but after thinking about it, i became really creeped out. i know that my phone is tracked by my parents, we use it to check on each other during flights and stuff. but why would she be looking on a random day, at a random time, when nothing was going on? so the next day, i responded, “hey mom, i know we have tracking on our phones, but it really weirded me out that you texted me where i was. it made me feel uncomfortable, like you were watching over my shoulder. i don’t want to be rude, and i don’t want to be disrespectful, but please don’t do that, it makes me feel creeped out.” she took exception to that. basically, her response boiled down to: “i paid for the phone and the plan on it, i can do whatever i want. mail me back the phone i paid for.” am i the asshole by telling my mom that she made me feel uncomfortable? would i be the asshole if i did just what she wanted, and then proceeded to get my own phone and plan? i’m not living with my parents anymore, and i can definitely afford it. but they helped to pay for my college, and i feel really guilty. [/INST] nta - jesus thats too much. is there any way you could turn off the tracking? alternatively, mailing back your phone and getting your own plan sounds like a great plan. </s>
|
AITA for buying my step sister a few gifts?
|
my (16f) mom got married a few months ago and he has a daughter (17f). she was a bit weary around me and was obviously uncomfortable being around my mom and i.
i have a job on top of school and i love buying people things. if i’m in a mall or whatever and i see something i think somebody will like, i grab it for them.
i felt bad for my step sister because she always holed up in her room and rarely spoke. so i found out she really likes makeup and i went to sephora and bought her a really nice eyeshadow palette with a few new makeup brushes and gifted them to her. i told her i didn’t expect anything back and to tell me how she likes them.
well, ever since then we started hanging out more. she would cook me things and ask me to try them, i would pick her up plushies or makeup related things.
i noticed she was looking at this perfume a few weeks ago and i overheard her talking to her friends about how she was thinking about getting a job just so she could get this perfume.
i couldn’t afford the full bottle size so i just got her the travel spray which was like 48 dollars. she was so happy she almost cried and thanked me. she said she owes me big time. later at dinner my mom asked what smelled so good and my step sister said her new perfume that i gifted her. my mom laughed and told me to stop spending all my money and to start saving it.
her dad blew up and started accusing me of trying to turn his family against him. and that i was just shoving it in his face that i can afford to get his daughter gifts and he can’t. i was shocked because wtf?
i work at a fast food chain and do occasional work around the neighborhood for some money. plus my bio dad is always giving me some extra cash just to do whatever i want.
step daughter rolled her eyes at him and told him to stop being so rude. he then called her a greedy asshole and sent her to her room. later that night i could hear her crying, my mom and step dad arguing and i felt so bad. i still do. i never meant to cause any issues i just wanted to do a few nice things. aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/va2ckn/aita_for_buying_my_step_sister_a_few_gifts/
|
2022-06-11 17:30:06
|
nta
your sd is. i'm glad you two are becoming friends. have each other's back for the next two years until you can both escape this clown.
|
nta
you are super sweet. she is lucky to have you as a step sister. your step father seems to have...issues. you did nothing wrong.
|
nta, your stepdad is insecure about a 16 year-old girl buying gifts for his daughter? it's a pretty alarming red flag
|
nta, you’re trying to make your new sister happy. that’s sweet, you’re not expecting anything, you’re not doing it out of any ill will. i think more than anything it’s pretty odd that your stepdad thinks of his family getting along as turning against him.
|
nta
please continue to be kind to your new sister as she sounds like she needs your friendship now more than ever. gifts of your time may be more valuable and easier for your stepfather to handle.
you did nothing wrong. he attacked you for an act of generosity because of his own insecurity. does he make a lot less money than your father? is he living beyond his means to impress your mom? as sad as it is, some people still believe the worth of a man is what he makes, and the worth of a woman is what she looks like.
is this the first time he blew up like that? how long did your mother date him before the marriage? be observant and mindful of your new family dynamic. as you move forward, don’t lose sight of what is healthy and take care of yourself. ❤️
|
nta. her dad made it about him and your mom should focus on her own money... nothing is wrong with buying someone something and that's so sweet that you got her the perfume!
|
nta for all the reasons well-explained elsewhere.
i’m on-side with your mom, though! i encourage you to hold onto your money for a bit, save the gifts for special occasions (birthdays, gifting holidays, maybe once-a-year surprises that you know would really make a loved-one’s day).
if gifts become the foundation of your relationships, it can be a really hard and painful dynamic to break. you can end up being resentful when your generosity isn’t reciprocated. your loved ones can be resentful when you’re not in a position to provide the gifts to which they’ve become accustomed. relationships can feel transactional, as people question themselves over how much of their liking for you comes from what you give them.
i know gifting makes you happy, and i don’t think you need to stop! but i suggest scaling back the gifting and scaling up other modes of relationship-building, for a stronger and more sustainable foundation.
|
nta
you did something incredible kind and i really hope you and your step sister continue to bond. don’t let your step father ruin you two getting along
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (16f) mom got married a few months ago and he has a daughter (17f). she was a bit weary around me and was obviously uncomfortable being around my mom and i. i have a job on top of school and i love buying people things. if i’m in a mall or whatever and i see something i think somebody will like, i grab it for them. i felt bad for my step sister because she always holed up in her room and rarely spoke. so i found out she really likes makeup and i went to sephora and bought her a really nice eyeshadow palette with a few new makeup brushes and gifted them to her. i told her i didn’t expect anything back and to tell me how she likes them. well, ever since then we started hanging out more. she would cook me things and ask me to try them, i would pick her up plushies or makeup related things. i noticed she was looking at this perfume a few weeks ago and i overheard her talking to her friends about how she was thinking about getting a job just so she could get this perfume. i couldn’t afford the full bottle size so i just got her the travel spray which was like 48 dollars. she was so happy she almost cried and thanked me. she said she owes me big time. later at dinner my mom asked what smelled so good and my step sister said her new perfume that i gifted her. my mom laughed and told me to stop spending all my money and to start saving it. her dad blew up and started accusing me of trying to turn his family against him. and that i was just shoving it in his face that i can afford to get his daughter gifts and he can’t. i was shocked because wtf? i work at a fast food chain and do occasional work around the neighborhood for some money. plus my bio dad is always giving me some extra cash just to do whatever i want. step daughter rolled her eyes at him and told him to stop being so rude. he then called her a greedy asshole and sent her to her room. later that night i could hear her crying, my mom and step dad arguing and i felt so bad. i still do. i never meant to cause any issues i just wanted to do a few nice things. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my (16f) mom got married a few months ago and he has a daughter (17f). she was a bit weary around me and was obviously uncomfortable being around my mom and i. i have a job on top of school and i love buying people things. if i’m in a mall or whatever and i see something i think somebody will like, i grab it for them. i felt bad for my step sister because she always holed up in her room and rarely spoke. so i found out she really likes makeup and i went to sephora and bought her a really nice eyeshadow palette with a few new makeup brushes and gifted them to her. i told her i didn’t expect anything back and to tell me how she likes them. well, ever since then we started hanging out more. she would cook me things and ask me to try them, i would pick her up plushies or makeup related things. i noticed she was looking at this perfume a few weeks ago and i overheard her talking to her friends about how she was thinking about getting a job just so she could get this perfume. i couldn’t afford the full bottle size so i just got her the travel spray which was like 48 dollars. she was so happy she almost cried and thanked me. she said she owes me big time. later at dinner my mom asked what smelled so good and my step sister said her new perfume that i gifted her. my mom laughed and told me to stop spending all my money and to start saving it. her dad blew up and started accusing me of trying to turn his family against him. and that i was just shoving it in his face that i can afford to get his daughter gifts and he can’t. i was shocked because wtf? i work at a fast food chain and do occasional work around the neighborhood for some money. plus my bio dad is always giving me some extra cash just to do whatever i want. step daughter rolled her eyes at him and told him to stop being so rude. he then called her a greedy asshole and sent her to her room. later that night i could hear her crying, my mom and step dad arguing and i felt so bad. i still do. i never meant to cause any issues i just wanted to do a few nice things. aita? [/INST] nta your sd is. i'm glad you two are becoming friends. have each other's back for the next two years until you can both escape this clown. </s>
|
AITA for planning to skip Christmas dinner because my mother in law invited my husband’s ex wife?
|
aita because i plan to not go to christmas dinner with my mother in law after she invited my husband’s ex wife without telling us?
provide a bit of clarification:
- said ex has custody of a grandchild she hasn’t seen in years.
- said ex has a new boyfriend.
- we try to be civil with said ex.
my points:
- same mil said i was still in love with my ex husband for joining him with my kids for thanksgiving dinner when my current husband and i had only been dating for two months.
- my husband’s ex likes to flirt and fish for compliments from my husband. (which he handles beautifully by just ignoring and focusing on the kids.)
- his ex wife walked out on her oldest daughter who she agreed to allow me to adopt and that daughter is pissed at her for trying to make nice now. we have to make her be nice.
- we did not get asked if we were okay with it. i found out by text message from my husband’s ex wife. (after i had already facilitated us meeting on the 23rd.)
- my mother in law refuses to spend any time with our 6 children outside of holidays.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zhhpx6/aita_for_planning_to_skip_christmas_dinner/
|
2022-12-10 03:32:39
|
nta and i hope your husband feels the same way. they are both toxic and please don't make the daughter be nice.
|
nta.
boundaries are extremely important in these messy situations. mil is stirring the pot- you going plays into that, but you not going also plays into it, because she’ll get to try and paint you as petty.
the only real solution as i see it is for none of you to go- have your own celebration. just text mil now that your family plans have changed and you won’t be attending, and offer to see her a different day. don’t offer explanations or apologize.
she acted in bad faith, and that cannot be rewarded or it’ll only worsen. if your husband won’t agree to doing this, you maybe need to evaluate things, but hopefully he’ll see her underhandedness, and not engage it.
|
info: why is mil doing this? is it because of the grandchild? wouldn't that kid be your stepkids' sibling?
|
nta - your mil is messy.
|
wow your mil sucks.
info:
(1) how does your husband feel about this?
(2) would you be skipping out on xmas dinner alone or would others join you?
(3) is the mil favoring the grandchild she hasn’t seen (for instance, would she see that grandchild outside of holidays if given the opportunity while ignoring your six kids?)
|
nta. it is really your husband's call, but if it were me, i'd seriously think about breaking ties over that.
|
is the grandchild the ex has custody of biological to grandma? i’m confused because it sounded like you and your husband have the kid(s)?
if this is her bio grandchild she’s not seen in years i can understand her hope of everyone sucking it up for a few hours. if it’s not her bio grandkid and it’s the ex’s child with someone else then nope. that’s not her grandchild, they could have dinner any other day of the year you guys aren’t going to be there.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.052378 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: aita because i plan to not go to christmas dinner with my mother in law after she invited my husband’s ex wife without telling us? provide a bit of clarification: - said ex has custody of a grandchild she hasn’t seen in years. - said ex has a new boyfriend. - we try to be civil with said ex. my points: - same mil said i was still in love with my ex husband for joining him with my kids for thanksgiving dinner when my current husband and i had only been dating for two months. - my husband’s ex likes to flirt and fish for compliments from my husband. (which he handles beautifully by just ignoring and focusing on the kids.) - his ex wife walked out on her oldest daughter who she agreed to allow me to adopt and that daughter is pissed at her for trying to make nice now. we have to make her be nice. - we did not get asked if we were okay with it. i found out by text message from my husband’s ex wife. (after i had already facilitated us meeting on the 23rd.) - my mother in law refuses to spend any time with our 6 children outside of holidays.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
aita because i plan to not go to christmas dinner with my mother in law after she invited my husband’s ex wife without telling us? provide a bit of clarification: - said ex has custody of a grandchild she hasn’t seen in years. - said ex has a new boyfriend. - we try to be civil with said ex. my points: - same mil said i was still in love with my ex husband for joining him with my kids for thanksgiving dinner when my current husband and i had only been dating for two months. - my husband’s ex likes to flirt and fish for compliments from my husband. (which he handles beautifully by just ignoring and focusing on the kids.) - his ex wife walked out on her oldest daughter who she agreed to allow me to adopt and that daughter is pissed at her for trying to make nice now. we have to make her be nice. - we did not get asked if we were okay with it. i found out by text message from my husband’s ex wife. (after i had already facilitated us meeting on the 23rd.) - my mother in law refuses to spend any time with our 6 children outside of holidays. [/INST] nta and i hope your husband feels the same way. they are both toxic and please don't make the daughter be nice. </s>
|
AITA for telling my room-mate to move out after she failed to pay rent?
|
last year my mom and i (21f) lived in an apartment then we both got retrenched (because corona) so in september last year my mom left the country to work elsewhere. my friend (21f) of 16 years and i had been talking about moving in together for quite a while, so i asked if she wanted to move in with me and she agreed, so december last year she moved in. my mom and i agreed on her paying about a quarter of the rent, december and january went fairly smoothly.
her work closed down for renovations in february and is currently relying on uif (unemployment insurance fund) so she hasn’t paid rent for february. however, she had the money to get a tattoo, take a small holiday to another city and pretty much gets take-outs for every meal. while she was away, i messaged her asking for the rent, she read it and didn’t reply for several days. then she sent me a voice message saying how my mom and i are being inconsiderate and keep hounding her when she just doesn’t have the money. she also mentioned how we’re making her feel uncomfortable, treating her like a tenant (as opposed to my roommate).
she is now back from her mini holiday and is staying at her boyfriend, so i haven’t seen her in a while. i replied to her voice message asking her to move her things out asap (she hasn't replied). one reason being; so she doesn’t have to pay rent for march and reason two - work on getting another roommate.
my mom is very irritated with her and frustrated with me, i didn’t even tell my mom she went away cause i knew that would infuriate her. i’m also really worried about this whole situation ruining our friendship.
i'm also leaving out a lot of other crap she has done because i'm pretty sure she was the asshole in those situations, but i'm really struggling with this one.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lxvtoy/aita_for_telling_my_roommate_to_move_out_after/
|
2021-03-04 21:24:16
|
nta, it’s not an extended sleepover. she is a tenant, and owes an agreed upon rent. y’all have bills to pay too.
|
nta
she says she doesn’t have the money for rent, but she does have the money for tattoos and vacations? yeah she is not a great friend in that regard.
|
nta, if she can’t pay for rent then you’re all in trouble, if she’s spending money on a holiday (in a pandemic) and a tattoo she definitely doesn’t have her priorities straight, i wouldn’t want to live with someone like that either, not to mentions she’s only meant to be paying a quarter of the fucking rent!
|
nta even if that's all she's done. she seems entitled and thinks you'll just cover everything for her. good riddance.
|
nta. you're making her feel bad for want her to pay the 25% of rent that she agreed to? unless she's on a lease, don't feel bad. kick her out. she can go on vacation and is staying at her boyfriend's house, but can't pay.
|
nta.
current situation is tough all around. she was getting a sweetheart deal at 25% rent and has money for other stuff. it’s tough when money and friendships get mixed up, but she has no right to take you for a ride.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: last year my mom and i (21f) lived in an apartment then we both got retrenched (because corona) so in september last year my mom left the country to work elsewhere. my friend (21f) of 16 years and i had been talking about moving in together for quite a while, so i asked if she wanted to move in with me and she agreed, so december last year she moved in. my mom and i agreed on her paying about a quarter of the rent, december and january went fairly smoothly. her work closed down for renovations in february and is currently relying on uif (unemployment insurance fund) so she hasn’t paid rent for february. however, she had the money to get a tattoo, take a small holiday to another city and pretty much gets take-outs for every meal. while she was away, i messaged her asking for the rent, she read it and didn’t reply for several days. then she sent me a voice message saying how my mom and i are being inconsiderate and keep hounding her when she just doesn’t have the money. she also mentioned how we’re making her feel uncomfortable, treating her like a tenant (as opposed to my roommate). she is now back from her mini holiday and is staying at her boyfriend, so i haven’t seen her in a while. i replied to her voice message asking her to move her things out asap (she hasn't replied). one reason being; so she doesn’t have to pay rent for march and reason two - work on getting another roommate. my mom is very irritated with her and frustrated with me, i didn’t even tell my mom she went away cause i knew that would infuriate her. i’m also really worried about this whole situation ruining our friendship. i'm also leaving out a lot of other crap she has done because i'm pretty sure she was the asshole in those situations, but i'm really struggling with this one.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
last year my mom and i (21f) lived in an apartment then we both got retrenched (because corona) so in september last year my mom left the country to work elsewhere. my friend (21f) of 16 years and i had been talking about moving in together for quite a while, so i asked if she wanted to move in with me and she agreed, so december last year she moved in. my mom and i agreed on her paying about a quarter of the rent, december and january went fairly smoothly. her work closed down for renovations in february and is currently relying on uif (unemployment insurance fund) so she hasn’t paid rent for february. however, she had the money to get a tattoo, take a small holiday to another city and pretty much gets take-outs for every meal. while she was away, i messaged her asking for the rent, she read it and didn’t reply for several days. then she sent me a voice message saying how my mom and i are being inconsiderate and keep hounding her when she just doesn’t have the money. she also mentioned how we’re making her feel uncomfortable, treating her like a tenant (as opposed to my roommate). she is now back from her mini holiday and is staying at her boyfriend, so i haven’t seen her in a while. i replied to her voice message asking her to move her things out asap (she hasn't replied). one reason being; so she doesn’t have to pay rent for march and reason two - work on getting another roommate. my mom is very irritated with her and frustrated with me, i didn’t even tell my mom she went away cause i knew that would infuriate her. i’m also really worried about this whole situation ruining our friendship. i'm also leaving out a lot of other crap she has done because i'm pretty sure she was the asshole in those situations, but i'm really struggling with this one. [/INST] nta, it’s not an extended sleepover. she is a tenant, and owes an agreed upon rent. y’all have bills to pay too. </s>
|
AITA because I don’t want randoms at my wedding?
|
so...my mom and dad split up over 20 years ago and he has been remarried for similar length of time. my mom had custody of me and my brother and never met anyone permanent. when i gave her a save the date i said she could invite someone that i approved of (namely, her friend lisa) as i didn’t want randoms at my wedding. it’s now less than 6 months away and i asked her who she is bringing, she flew off the handle when i said she couldn’t bring a man (she doesn’t have one in mind) and i expected her to bring a friend. am i being unreasonable? she said “i shouldn’t be told who to bring to my daughters wedding!” in a shrill voice. but that daughter is me 🤔 and surely what i want goes? i understand that seeing my dad with his wife is shit, but that’s why i said to bring her best friend. i’m very aware i have been a people-pleaser all my life and i have been trying to get out the habit, but have i gone too far?
info:
1. it’s a wedding of around 40 that is being paid for by myself, partner and in-laws.
2. she isn’t currently dating.
3. nobody else got a plus one, they got joint invites.
4. also, when i gave her the save the date, i said it was for her friend, lisa as i approved of her.
5. me and mom don’t have a good relationship and she doesn’t hold a great track record when it comes to dating (affairs/creeps)
6. it has been brought to my attention by family that she may not want to bring lisa in case other guests think she’s gay (conservative)
7. at no point was it called ‘a plus 1” by me or anyone involved
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b3bbrg/aita_because_i_dont_want_randoms_at_my_wedding/
|
2019-03-20 12:20:46
|
nta it’s you’re wedding you decide who can come and who can’t
|
nta. you are paying for wedding. it’s your wedding. it sucks having to establish boundaries with people who should already have some but that’s what you have to do. imagine all of your wedding photos with your mom also having her flavor of the day in them. you can’t redo your wedding so make it the way you want.
|
i'm going to say nah. while you have a right to restrict plus ones, your mother is not obligated to be happy about it. this whole thing could have been avoided if you simply said "no plus ones" and invited her friend separately.
that's the thing about weddings: you have every right to choose to stick to your guns, but no one else has to be okay with it simply because it's your wedding.
|
nta. presumably there will be a top table where mother and guest will sit? it would be rather odd to have a total stranger in that position. strange for them as much as anything.
|
nta
but why can’t she bring a man? do you only want her to bring her best friend? if so, why don’t you just say that?
|
nta it's your wedding and your call. you're not a bridezilla for not wanting random people that you don't know at your wedding. your mom seems to be capitalizing on the fact that you have been a people pleaser your whole life.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.001294 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so...my mom and dad split up over 20 years ago and he has been remarried for similar length of time. my mom had custody of me and my brother and never met anyone permanent. when i gave her a save the date i said she could invite someone that i approved of (namely, her friend lisa) as i didn’t want randoms at my wedding. it’s now less than 6 months away and i asked her who she is bringing, she flew off the handle when i said she couldn’t bring a man (she doesn’t have one in mind) and i expected her to bring a friend. am i being unreasonable? she said “i shouldn’t be told who to bring to my daughters wedding!” in a shrill voice. but that daughter is me 🤔 and surely what i want goes? i understand that seeing my dad with his wife is shit, but that’s why i said to bring her best friend. i’m very aware i have been a people-pleaser all my life and i have been trying to get out the habit, but have i gone too far? info: 1. it’s a wedding of around 40 that is being paid for by myself, partner and in-laws. 2. she isn’t currently dating. 3. nobody else got a plus one, they got joint invites. 4. also, when i gave her the save the date, i said it was for her friend, lisa as i approved of her. 5. me and mom don’t have a good relationship and she doesn’t hold a great track record when it comes to dating (affairs/creeps) 6. it has been brought to my attention by family that she may not want to bring lisa in case other guests think she’s gay (conservative) 7. at no point was it called ‘a plus 1” by me or anyone involved
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so...my mom and dad split up over 20 years ago and he has been remarried for similar length of time. my mom had custody of me and my brother and never met anyone permanent. when i gave her a save the date i said she could invite someone that i approved of (namely, her friend lisa) as i didn’t want randoms at my wedding. it’s now less than 6 months away and i asked her who she is bringing, she flew off the handle when i said she couldn’t bring a man (she doesn’t have one in mind) and i expected her to bring a friend. am i being unreasonable? she said “i shouldn’t be told who to bring to my daughters wedding!” in a shrill voice. but that daughter is me 🤔 and surely what i want goes? i understand that seeing my dad with his wife is shit, but that’s why i said to bring her best friend. i’m very aware i have been a people-pleaser all my life and i have been trying to get out the habit, but have i gone too far? info: 1. it’s a wedding of around 40 that is being paid for by myself, partner and in-laws. 2. she isn’t currently dating. 3. nobody else got a plus one, they got joint invites. 4. also, when i gave her the save the date, i said it was for her friend, lisa as i approved of her. 5. me and mom don’t have a good relationship and she doesn’t hold a great track record when it comes to dating (affairs/creeps) 6. it has been brought to my attention by family that she may not want to bring lisa in case other guests think she’s gay (conservative) 7. at no point was it called ‘a plus 1” by me or anyone involved [/INST] nta it’s you’re wedding you decide who can come and who can’t </s>
|
AITA for getting plastic surgery instead of helping my child’s father financially
|
let me preface this by saying me and my child’s father are not together and have not been for more than 2 years.
he lost his job at the beginning of this year and had no money saved up. he was facing eviction a couple times and was struggling badly to pay bills. he would come to me almost every week asking for money. i would give him small amounts of money here and there like $20 here and there for food and gas. i would not help him pay his $1200 rent or give him $1000 to fix his car because i knew i would not get it back as he wasn’t working. also i have our son 90% of the time. he is not on child support so i am fully the one providing for our child. that being said, plastic surgery is something i have been thinking about for a long time and am finally in a financial position to be able to afford it. i wasn’t even going to tell him i was getting it because i knew he would be upset and lash out at me. i had to tell him because my son will have to be with him while i do the surgery. he is angry because he says it’s messed up that i am paying such a large amount of money for surgery when i could have used that money to help him out? it screams entitlement to me and we have no obligation to each other . am i suppose to put my goals and desires on hold for someone who i have no obligation to ? not to mention he was toxic and abusive the entire relationship. aita for thinking this way?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rhbnro/aita_for_getting_plastic_surgery_instead_of/
|
2021-12-15 22:46:49
|
nta. your shared child is with you 90% of the time and your ex doesn't even pay child support. you owe him nothing and he has no say in how you spend your money!
|
nta - you are not his mom and have no obligation to support him financially. it is your money to do with as you please and considering you are already fully supporting the shared child between you two than he has no ground to stand on. you are right that he is acting extremely entitled thinking you owe him any support considering he does not financially contribute to raising your child or really contribute at all if you have your child 90% of the time. he is trying to gaslight you into giving him money. don't fall for it!
|
nta. he should be paying child support, period, end of story. you don't owe him ex bf support or any explanation as to how, where and when you spend your money. tell him to get off his ass and get a couple jobs: one ft job to pay his own bills and another to support his child.
employers are desperate for workers right now, there is zero excuse.
|
nta but i think you need to tell him that you're no longer giving him money. you havent been together for 2 years and maintain seperate households. remind him that he's not paying child support and has his son for 10% of the time. he can do whatever he wants with that info.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: let me preface this by saying me and my child’s father are not together and have not been for more than 2 years. he lost his job at the beginning of this year and had no money saved up. he was facing eviction a couple times and was struggling badly to pay bills. he would come to me almost every week asking for money. i would give him small amounts of money here and there like $20 here and there for food and gas. i would not help him pay his $1200 rent or give him $1000 to fix his car because i knew i would not get it back as he wasn’t working. also i have our son 90% of the time. he is not on child support so i am fully the one providing for our child. that being said, plastic surgery is something i have been thinking about for a long time and am finally in a financial position to be able to afford it. i wasn’t even going to tell him i was getting it because i knew he would be upset and lash out at me. i had to tell him because my son will have to be with him while i do the surgery. he is angry because he says it’s messed up that i am paying such a large amount of money for surgery when i could have used that money to help him out? it screams entitlement to me and we have no obligation to each other . am i suppose to put my goals and desires on hold for someone who i have no obligation to ? not to mention he was toxic and abusive the entire relationship. aita for thinking this way?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
let me preface this by saying me and my child’s father are not together and have not been for more than 2 years. he lost his job at the beginning of this year and had no money saved up. he was facing eviction a couple times and was struggling badly to pay bills. he would come to me almost every week asking for money. i would give him small amounts of money here and there like $20 here and there for food and gas. i would not help him pay his $1200 rent or give him $1000 to fix his car because i knew i would not get it back as he wasn’t working. also i have our son 90% of the time. he is not on child support so i am fully the one providing for our child. that being said, plastic surgery is something i have been thinking about for a long time and am finally in a financial position to be able to afford it. i wasn’t even going to tell him i was getting it because i knew he would be upset and lash out at me. i had to tell him because my son will have to be with him while i do the surgery. he is angry because he says it’s messed up that i am paying such a large amount of money for surgery when i could have used that money to help him out? it screams entitlement to me and we have no obligation to each other . am i suppose to put my goals and desires on hold for someone who i have no obligation to ? not to mention he was toxic and abusive the entire relationship. aita for thinking this way? [/INST] nta. your shared child is with you 90% of the time and your ex doesn't even pay child support. you owe him nothing and he has no say in how you spend your money! </s>
|
AITA for throwing out luggage/belongings people keep stashing in my bushes?
|
aita for throwing out luggage/bags/garbage that (i assume, homeless) people keep putting in bushes on the property i rent?
i rent a small studio apartment (it’s a house that was divided up into 3 units) and i have a privacy fence and bushes surrounding the property. there is an opening in the fence for entry, however, so it doesn’t completely keep people out.
the fence/foliage is about 6 feet from my door, and because it’s a studio.. about 10 feet from my bed.
this isn’t the first time that someone has put stuff in my bushes but last time it was all garbage.
i do empathize for the homeless and so i left it there for a couple of weeks. over the last week, more and more stuff has showed up. there are probably 4 bags of luggage and a huge mess of cords/cables (i threw those out).
am i an asshole for wanting to throw the rest out? i don’t like the idea of someone rummaging around outside of where i sleep at night.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cd4uvl/aita_for_throwing_out_luggagebelongings_people/
|
2019-07-14 16:21:01
|
nta, sounds more like people dumping their unwanted stuff than homeless people
|
nta
it’s your property and they’re littering/trespassing by leaving it in your bush. you have every right to get rid of it. if you want to appease a guilty conscience, you can put everything currently in the bush on the curb and tack up a “private property” sign on the fence. if they continue to leave items, chuck them.
|
just leave a note. i picked up a homeless dude last week and in chatting he said he was moving camp because someone left a note on his tent (it was an abandoned kind of city yard but obviously someone too offense) for him to please leave. seemed all pretty civilized.
give them a chance to move it with a note... then discard if it's not moved.
|
nta.
it's your property, they're trespassing by even being on the property without permission.
|
i’m going to go with nah - you are trying to keep your property clear of rubbish and trespassers, and they are trying to find a safe place for their “belongings”. i do think putting up a sign as well as removing the items is a fair way to handle it.
|
nta. it's your property. put up a private property sign.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: aita for throwing out luggage/bags/garbage that (i assume, homeless) people keep putting in bushes on the property i rent? i rent a small studio apartment (it’s a house that was divided up into 3 units) and i have a privacy fence and bushes surrounding the property. there is an opening in the fence for entry, however, so it doesn’t completely keep people out. the fence/foliage is about 6 feet from my door, and because it’s a studio.. about 10 feet from my bed. this isn’t the first time that someone has put stuff in my bushes but last time it was all garbage. i do empathize for the homeless and so i left it there for a couple of weeks. over the last week, more and more stuff has showed up. there are probably 4 bags of luggage and a huge mess of cords/cables (i threw those out). am i an asshole for wanting to throw the rest out? i don’t like the idea of someone rummaging around outside of where i sleep at night.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
aita for throwing out luggage/bags/garbage that (i assume, homeless) people keep putting in bushes on the property i rent? i rent a small studio apartment (it’s a house that was divided up into 3 units) and i have a privacy fence and bushes surrounding the property. there is an opening in the fence for entry, however, so it doesn’t completely keep people out. the fence/foliage is about 6 feet from my door, and because it’s a studio.. about 10 feet from my bed. this isn’t the first time that someone has put stuff in my bushes but last time it was all garbage. i do empathize for the homeless and so i left it there for a couple of weeks. over the last week, more and more stuff has showed up. there are probably 4 bags of luggage and a huge mess of cords/cables (i threw those out). am i an asshole for wanting to throw the rest out? i don’t like the idea of someone rummaging around outside of where i sleep at night. [/INST] nta, sounds more like people dumping their unwanted stuff than homeless people </s>
|
AITA (22F) for telling my boyfriend (24M) and roommate (24M) that I’m going to let our utilities go un-renewed?
|
tl;dr: i’m in charge of household finances and the utilities are in my name. i fucked up the math for the first time. my roommate is giving me the cold shoulder for it, so i don’t want to have the utilities in my name anymore.
i’ve (22f) lived with my boyfriend (24m), d, and his friend (24m), v, since december when we all decided to move in together.
i had the best credit score at the time and they were both extremely reluctant to have the utilities in their name. i agreed to put all of it in my name, but with the understanding that they would pay me back. they would always ask what they owed after i posted the bills on the fridge and reimburse me a few days after its due date.
it was tough for me to keep up with the math and budget myself, but i did my best. a few times i had to take out payday loans to cover them to keep the lights on, but it was overall ok. i’m just more careful to have emergency money now when someone’s short, including myself.
our lease for our old place went up in june. i proposed to d the idea of he and i finding a studio, but he was opposed because he didn’t want v to feel abandoned. v just moved to our town and doesn’t really have anyone but my boyfriend, so i kept my eye out for an apartment everyone would want.
a month before we were set to be homeless, neither of them had even tried come up with a new place for us to live, and i had found a few to tour. if i hadn’t, we would’ve probably ended up in a complete dump or living out of our cars. we signed a joint lease and moved on with our lives.
it was really overwhelming for me between moving fees and the new rates and old bills. the first month was expensive, around $950 to move in. when both of them came to ask me what they owed this month, i sent a group message out that said the total owed was ~$700 a person per month after my calculations. i ended up overcharging both of them by about $125 and ended up budgeting extra myself, factoring in deposits and fees from the month before on complete accident.
v blocked me after we figured out i did the math wrong. i found out he thought i was trying to steal his money. i immediately lost my cool and told d i want to find a new roommate or i want to move out. i’m also not planning on renewing any of the service contracts in my name once they are up. i’m tired of putting my ass on the line for people who turn around and say i’m a thief.
d just wants us all to get along, but he hasn’t really done much to defend me. he thinks i’m majorly overreacting.
i haven’t ever tried to cheat anyone. as a matter of fact, i feel a little cheated here.
sorry to be long-winded.
aita here? am i overreacting by threatening to not renew the contracts and move out?
edit for info: we found out about the miscalculation when we all went in to pay our expenses to our landlord with money orders and discovered we were overpaying.
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/db3ahm/aita_22f_for_telling_my_boyfriend_24m_and/
|
2019-09-29 23:51:45
|
nta. time for someone else to pay the billls and you reimburse them.
|
so you’re the mom
for your bf and his friend.
are you sure you want to remain in this relationship?
nta
|
nta. you made a genuine mistake doing something that shouldn't even be solely your responsibility. i'd sit down with both of them and tell them that you are taking the utilities out of your name and someone else can do the math from now on.
|
nta
i hope the room mates attitude changes for they best. your boyfriend should also have defended you. it doesn’t sound like he is on your team.
there is a chance this may flare up, but if they can see the bills, and have opportunities to check your maths too, then they can’t complain. they should also be saving between bills to have the money to reimburse you. they might just be taking advantage of you.
|
hon. this all solves with you three sitting down honestly with a cup of coffee & talking it out.
i think you are really overwhelmed by this arrangement and you have been pulling more weight that you should have. it feels scummy of both your bf and friend's part to leave you all the math and then get mad when you make an honest mistake. you are human? why the hell are you feeling guilty?? why should you put everything under your name if they are so ungrateful?
also, you all literally went to the landlord with the money and he told you "oh this is more than needed". what's exactly the accusation here? how would you have stolen it?
anyway, let's assume an honest miscomunication bceause of stress so sit down and talk. tell them how taking care if everything is too much for you. hear your roomates out. let's all try to be honest (and just in case... pay attention. they might not be pulling their weight on purpose. do not let yourself being used)
|
nta
i would move out and look for new roommates. your boyfriend doesn't sound ready or capable of living in a shared situation.
|
no i don’t mean with you i don’t understand why they are so mad since they didn’t give you any money. yes you calculated wrong but no money has been lost. i don’t think you are overreacting. they are. nta
|
nta. you made an honest mistake. it’s not like they handed you cash & you never returned the surplus.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: tl;dr: i’m in charge of household finances and the utilities are in my name. i fucked up the math for the first time. my roommate is giving me the cold shoulder for it, so i don’t want to have the utilities in my name anymore. i’ve (22f) lived with my boyfriend (24m), d, and his friend (24m), v, since december when we all decided to move in together. i had the best credit score at the time and they were both extremely reluctant to have the utilities in their name. i agreed to put all of it in my name, but with the understanding that they would pay me back. they would always ask what they owed after i posted the bills on the fridge and reimburse me a few days after its due date. it was tough for me to keep up with the math and budget myself, but i did my best. a few times i had to take out payday loans to cover them to keep the lights on, but it was overall ok. i’m just more careful to have emergency money now when someone’s short, including myself. our lease for our old place went up in june. i proposed to d the idea of he and i finding a studio, but he was opposed because he didn’t want v to feel abandoned. v just moved to our town and doesn’t really have anyone but my boyfriend, so i kept my eye out for an apartment everyone would want. a month before we were set to be homeless, neither of them had even tried come up with a new place for us to live, and i had found a few to tour. if i hadn’t, we would’ve probably ended up in a complete dump or living out of our cars. we signed a joint lease and moved on with our lives. it was really overwhelming for me between moving fees and the new rates and old bills. the first month was expensive, around $950 to move in. when both of them came to ask me what they owed this month, i sent a group message out that said the total owed was ~$700 a person per month after my calculations. i ended up overcharging both of them by about $125 and ended up budgeting extra myself, factoring in deposits and fees from the month before on complete accident. v blocked me after we figured out i did the math wrong. i found out he thought i was trying to steal his money. i immediately lost my cool and told d i want to find a new roommate or i want to move out. i’m also not planning on renewing any of the service contracts in my name once they are up. i’m tired of putting my ass on the line for people who turn around and say i’m a thief. d just wants us all to get along, but he hasn’t really done much to defend me. he thinks i’m majorly overreacting. i haven’t ever tried to cheat anyone. as a matter of fact, i feel a little cheated here. sorry to be long-winded. aita here? am i overreacting by threatening to not renew the contracts and move out? edit for info: we found out about the miscalculation when we all went in to pay our expenses to our landlord with money orders and discovered we were overpaying.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
tl;dr: i’m in charge of household finances and the utilities are in my name. i fucked up the math for the first time. my roommate is giving me the cold shoulder for it, so i don’t want to have the utilities in my name anymore. i’ve (22f) lived with my boyfriend (24m), d, and his friend (24m), v, since december when we all decided to move in together. i had the best credit score at the time and they were both extremely reluctant to have the utilities in their name. i agreed to put all of it in my name, but with the understanding that they would pay me back. they would always ask what they owed after i posted the bills on the fridge and reimburse me a few days after its due date. it was tough for me to keep up with the math and budget myself, but i did my best. a few times i had to take out payday loans to cover them to keep the lights on, but it was overall ok. i’m just more careful to have emergency money now when someone’s short, including myself. our lease for our old place went up in june. i proposed to d the idea of he and i finding a studio, but he was opposed because he didn’t want v to feel abandoned. v just moved to our town and doesn’t really have anyone but my boyfriend, so i kept my eye out for an apartment everyone would want. a month before we were set to be homeless, neither of them had even tried come up with a new place for us to live, and i had found a few to tour. if i hadn’t, we would’ve probably ended up in a complete dump or living out of our cars. we signed a joint lease and moved on with our lives. it was really overwhelming for me between moving fees and the new rates and old bills. the first month was expensive, around $950 to move in. when both of them came to ask me what they owed this month, i sent a group message out that said the total owed was ~$700 a person per month after my calculations. i ended up overcharging both of them by about $125 and ended up budgeting extra myself, factoring in deposits and fees from the month before on complete accident. v blocked me after we figured out i did the math wrong. i found out he thought i was trying to steal his money. i immediately lost my cool and told d i want to find a new roommate or i want to move out. i’m also not planning on renewing any of the service contracts in my name once they are up. i’m tired of putting my ass on the line for people who turn around and say i’m a thief. d just wants us all to get along, but he hasn’t really done much to defend me. he thinks i’m majorly overreacting. i haven’t ever tried to cheat anyone. as a matter of fact, i feel a little cheated here. sorry to be long-winded. aita here? am i overreacting by threatening to not renew the contracts and move out? edit for info: we found out about the miscalculation when we all went in to pay our expenses to our landlord with money orders and discovered we were overpaying. [/INST] nta. time for someone else to pay the billls and you reimburse them. </s>
|
AITA for calling my dad's gf "mum" even though she's younger than me?
|
i never had a mother. not because of any unfortunate reasons, but my father just adopted me (34m today, 3y/o at the time) as a single dad and never married. he was an **awesome** father, and i'm so proud of him for so many reasons. his dating habits, not one of them.
to be blunt, dad used to be a serious a philanderer. my entire life growing up was a revolving door of women, always aged between 19 to 26. they always ended more-or-less for the same reason after a few months. but then came cleo.
when i was 26, dad met cleo (21 at the time). i don't know what it was about her, but they worked. i swear on my shiny-espeon that she's the longest, healthiest relationship he's ever been in. they're still together, and given that my dad really doesn't have a lot, i'm skeptic to believe it's anything but genuine.
here's the thing. i've never had a mother figure. i've also always got along really well with cleo. she's one of my dearest friends. it was christmas around year 3 of their relationship (i think) when i went through the check-list of what i'd have wanted from a mother when i realized she hit pretty much all of the checks. she respected my boundaries, was kind, supportive, took a healthy interest, etc.. so, one day, more as a joke than anything, i called her "mum". it just sorta kept? its become a term of endearment as much as it is a nickname, and i've been calling her mum ever since.
well, the other day my son, 3yo, called cleo grandma, and my wife (36f) did not like it. she took me aside later and told me it was time i stopped calling cleo "mum" because it's now 'confusing' our kid. she also said it's not right to be calling someone 'so much younger than me' mum in the first place, and admitted to me she's never been comfortable with it, thinking it's gross. i want to make it clear i started dating my wife *after* i started calling cleo "mum".
i told my wife that there's no harm in it, and that her not liking it is a 'her' problem. i also made it clear that i wasn't going to stop calling cleo something i've been calling her for the past 4-5 years just because she wasn't comfortable with it, and her being younger than me has nothing to do with the reason i call her "mum".
well, this has become a **serious** argument now, and i've been called a massive ah by my wife for deliberately and knowingly continuing to do something she doesn't like this much. my wife actually got cleo involved. she thinks that it's not worth sacrificing my relationship with my wife over. dad think's we're both ah for how we're handling it, but also neither of us are ah's for our reasons.
guys?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r4ak9y/aita_for_calling_my_dads_gf_mum_even_though_shes/
|
2021-11-28 18:16:59
|
nta, not gonna lie tho, it is a bit odd to call someone younger than yourself mom
|
nta
the relevant people have no issue with it and it sounds like a healthy relationship.
what disturbs me is that your wife became upset when the child started calling someone who is presumably filling the grandma role by that title. she needs to chill out and be thankful that your child has grandparents.
|
nta. if cleo is fine with it, so should your wife.
|
nta. i think that if cleo hated it, that would be one thing. but i am assuming she is fine with it, so you're fine.
|
nah. i think your wife is in the wrong and handling this poorly but she isn’t an asshole. she clearly had a problem with you calling your dad’s partner “mum” but kept that to herself. now that her kid is calling her “grandma” the issue came to a head. so she is wrong for not communicating well and escalating things, but she isn’t an asshole for having feelings about the issue. maybe it makes her feel old or she thinks your dad’s relationship with cleo won’t work out, or something.
i think you guys just need to find the time and space (i suggest couple’s therapy) where she can address what is bothersome to her about it and you can explain what is important to you about it. that should help.
i’m assuming cleo and your dad are fine with this arrangement? a lot of people have atypical family structures and it all works out. you guys just need to have a real conversation about it.
|
nah. i can understand why your wife isn't comfortable with it because she doesn't want her son to grow up internalizing your father's obsession with youth, and if he grows up calling a 29-year-old "grandma" what's he going to think about women who are actually old enough to be grandmothers? but it isn't your fault that your stepmom is the only mother figure you've known and it's great that you have a good relationship with her. i think you both need to have a calm, reasonable discussion about this, in which she has to acknowledge and support your relationship with your parents, and you have to assuage her fears that your son will grow up in a dysfunctional or sexist environment.
|
info: is your wife able to articulate why she finds it gross or inappropriate?
|
dude your dads gross.
|
well i mean she kinda is technically, wife probably feels uncomfortable with it because of how young cleo is anyway nta
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
INFO
| null |
NTA
| null | 0.022097 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i never had a mother. not because of any unfortunate reasons, but my father just adopted me (34m today, 3y/o at the time) as a single dad and never married. he was an **awesome** father, and i'm so proud of him for so many reasons. his dating habits, not one of them. to be blunt, dad used to be a serious a philanderer. my entire life growing up was a revolving door of women, always aged between 19 to 26. they always ended more-or-less for the same reason after a few months. but then came cleo. when i was 26, dad met cleo (21 at the time). i don't know what it was about her, but they worked. i swear on my shiny-espeon that she's the longest, healthiest relationship he's ever been in. they're still together, and given that my dad really doesn't have a lot, i'm skeptic to believe it's anything but genuine. here's the thing. i've never had a mother figure. i've also always got along really well with cleo. she's one of my dearest friends. it was christmas around year 3 of their relationship (i think) when i went through the check-list of what i'd have wanted from a mother when i realized she hit pretty much all of the checks. she respected my boundaries, was kind, supportive, took a healthy interest, etc.. so, one day, more as a joke than anything, i called her "mum". it just sorta kept? its become a term of endearment as much as it is a nickname, and i've been calling her mum ever since. well, the other day my son, 3yo, called cleo grandma, and my wife (36f) did not like it. she took me aside later and told me it was time i stopped calling cleo "mum" because it's now 'confusing' our kid. she also said it's not right to be calling someone 'so much younger than me' mum in the first place, and admitted to me she's never been comfortable with it, thinking it's gross. i want to make it clear i started dating my wife *after* i started calling cleo "mum". i told my wife that there's no harm in it, and that her not liking it is a 'her' problem. i also made it clear that i wasn't going to stop calling cleo something i've been calling her for the past 4-5 years just because she wasn't comfortable with it, and her being younger than me has nothing to do with the reason i call her "mum". well, this has become a **serious** argument now, and i've been called a massive ah by my wife for deliberately and knowingly continuing to do something she doesn't like this much. my wife actually got cleo involved. she thinks that it's not worth sacrificing my relationship with my wife over. dad think's we're both ah for how we're handling it, but also neither of us are ah's for our reasons. guys?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i never had a mother. not because of any unfortunate reasons, but my father just adopted me (34m today, 3y/o at the time) as a single dad and never married. he was an **awesome** father, and i'm so proud of him for so many reasons. his dating habits, not one of them. to be blunt, dad used to be a serious a philanderer. my entire life growing up was a revolving door of women, always aged between 19 to 26. they always ended more-or-less for the same reason after a few months. but then came cleo. when i was 26, dad met cleo (21 at the time). i don't know what it was about her, but they worked. i swear on my shiny-espeon that she's the longest, healthiest relationship he's ever been in. they're still together, and given that my dad really doesn't have a lot, i'm skeptic to believe it's anything but genuine. here's the thing. i've never had a mother figure. i've also always got along really well with cleo. she's one of my dearest friends. it was christmas around year 3 of their relationship (i think) when i went through the check-list of what i'd have wanted from a mother when i realized she hit pretty much all of the checks. she respected my boundaries, was kind, supportive, took a healthy interest, etc.. so, one day, more as a joke than anything, i called her "mum". it just sorta kept? its become a term of endearment as much as it is a nickname, and i've been calling her mum ever since. well, the other day my son, 3yo, called cleo grandma, and my wife (36f) did not like it. she took me aside later and told me it was time i stopped calling cleo "mum" because it's now 'confusing' our kid. she also said it's not right to be calling someone 'so much younger than me' mum in the first place, and admitted to me she's never been comfortable with it, thinking it's gross. i want to make it clear i started dating my wife *after* i started calling cleo "mum". i told my wife that there's no harm in it, and that her not liking it is a 'her' problem. i also made it clear that i wasn't going to stop calling cleo something i've been calling her for the past 4-5 years just because she wasn't comfortable with it, and her being younger than me has nothing to do with the reason i call her "mum". well, this has become a **serious** argument now, and i've been called a massive ah by my wife for deliberately and knowingly continuing to do something she doesn't like this much. my wife actually got cleo involved. she thinks that it's not worth sacrificing my relationship with my wife over. dad think's we're both ah for how we're handling it, but also neither of us are ah's for our reasons. guys? [/INST] nta, not gonna lie tho, it is a bit odd to call someone younger than yourself mom </s>
|
AITA for being disappointed my(29m) gf(27f) slept through me being locked out of the building ?
|
so hear me out. i know i am 100% to blame for this situation, but i can’t help but feeling upset/frustrated/disappointed, etc.
so i told my gf i would take the trash out last night(we live together), which is pretty normal for me. i actually have been getting upset about it because she rarely takes out the trash, if ever at all. she’s a petite girl and she says it’s too heavy for so i sort of understand her not wanting to. i get upset because i’m always doing it and the only way she’ll do it is if i ask her a bajillion times which i don’t like to do.
so alas i take the trash outside yesterday at 11pm. in my undershirt, pants, and some sandals. i live in the ne part of the states so it’s pretty cold at night.
the dumbass that i am locked myself out of the building in the process. i didn’t have my phone or my keys, just my wallet. so i go to the intercom and i’m buzzing our apartment for about a half hour straight, becoming super cold and aggravated in the process. the intercom is connected to her phone which was on silent while she was sleeping. i tried my neighbors too but they weren’t answering either and no one came to the door during that time. after 30 mins i was too cold to stay outside so i ran like 2 miles to my buddies house. luckily he was up and i crashed on his couch.
i used his phone to set up an alarm for 5am so i could try again in the morning. i finally got through to her at 5am and she buzzed me in after i took an uber back.
i was definitely frustrated when i came home. went to bed for an hour and then i got up and went to work.
she sends me a text and says she’s sorry i had a bad night and hopes i have a good day so i responded by sayin i know this is all my fault and youre not to blame, but i can’t help but feel frustrated and upset. i don’t sleep with my phone on silent so if i were sleeping while she was locked out, it’s highly likely i would’ve woken up. also i wake up in the night to grab water or use the restroom and i always check to see if she’s there; i thought she did the same. so i’m hurt that she had no clue i wasn’t around when i was doing about everything i could to get in touch with her. i really needed her in the moment and she wasn’t there for me. i just feel like if roles were reversed i would’ve been able to help her out.
she tells me i’m being an asshole by guilt tripping her, and that’s not at all what i’m trying to do. i’m just upset with the situation.
so aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ezzt3p/aita_for_being_disappointed_my29m_gf27f_slept/
|
2020-02-06 21:51:19
|
yta. is she supposed to have some kind of spidey sense that wakes her up if your simple ass locks yourself out?
take responsibility for your own foolishness.
|
> i really needed her in the moment and she wasn’t there for me.
yta. i get it, you're frustrated. you got stuck out in the cold and in a shit situation. but as you said, you're the only person to blame here. you're doing the classic response of projecting your anger onto the easiest target since you need someone to blame other than yourself. own it, apologize to her and move on.
|
yta
for guilt tripping her. exactly as she said.
of course you are upset and frustrated, but taking it out on her is unfair. she did nothing wrong.
|
yta - you acknowledge that you made a mistake and it’s your fault. you forgot the keys, went outside without a coat, and it was 11 pm. she’s not an asshole for being asleep. you can be mad at the situation but not her.
|
yta
do you split chores in the house? i'm petite too and there's no way i can carry a big bag of trash outside.
you locked yourself out. you forgot your keys and you went outside in next to nothing. she was sleeping- what the hell did you expect her to do?
|
info: was she awake before you left to take the trash out or had she already gone to sleep?
that's an important factor because if she was awake beforehand, then surely she could have stayed up 5 extra minutes until you got back.
but if she was already asleep and you know it's common for her to put her phone to silent then, well, what do you want her to do here?
|
yta although your frustration is understandable this is just a series of unfortunate events and there’s no malice or negligence on her end.
|
yta. just own up your own mistakes.
|
yta. lots of people sleep with their phone on silent. i hate getting messages and stuff in the night when my friends decide to see who else is up, so i have my phone set to automatically go into "do not disturb" mode at a predetermined time, every night.
it's not her fault you locked yourself out. it's not abnormal for people to keep their phones on silent at night. and it's not abnormal for people to just... soundly sleep through the night without waking up.. just because you wake up in the middle of the night to get water and pee doesn't mean everyone does, every night.
it's a frustrating situation but she's 100% not to blame, assuming she was already in bed when you took the trash out. she wasn't "not there for you when you needed her", it's just an unfortunate set of circumstances that lined up just right. stop taking your frustrations out on her and apologize for being an ah about it.
|
yta
yta
no contest here. yta
you locked yourself out while she was sleeping. this is entirely your fault and you’re only entitled to feel frustrated and upset at yourself.
if chores are uneven that’s another discussion. if the trash is too heavy for her, she could do extra chores elsewhere to make it even.
never forget yta
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so hear me out. i know i am 100% to blame for this situation, but i can’t help but feeling upset/frustrated/disappointed, etc. so i told my gf i would take the trash out last night(we live together), which is pretty normal for me. i actually have been getting upset about it because she rarely takes out the trash, if ever at all. she’s a petite girl and she says it’s too heavy for so i sort of understand her not wanting to. i get upset because i’m always doing it and the only way she’ll do it is if i ask her a bajillion times which i don’t like to do. so alas i take the trash outside yesterday at 11pm. in my undershirt, pants, and some sandals. i live in the ne part of the states so it’s pretty cold at night. the dumbass that i am locked myself out of the building in the process. i didn’t have my phone or my keys, just my wallet. so i go to the intercom and i’m buzzing our apartment for about a half hour straight, becoming super cold and aggravated in the process. the intercom is connected to her phone which was on silent while she was sleeping. i tried my neighbors too but they weren’t answering either and no one came to the door during that time. after 30 mins i was too cold to stay outside so i ran like 2 miles to my buddies house. luckily he was up and i crashed on his couch. i used his phone to set up an alarm for 5am so i could try again in the morning. i finally got through to her at 5am and she buzzed me in after i took an uber back. i was definitely frustrated when i came home. went to bed for an hour and then i got up and went to work. she sends me a text and says she’s sorry i had a bad night and hopes i have a good day so i responded by sayin i know this is all my fault and youre not to blame, but i can’t help but feel frustrated and upset. i don’t sleep with my phone on silent so if i were sleeping while she was locked out, it’s highly likely i would’ve woken up. also i wake up in the night to grab water or use the restroom and i always check to see if she’s there; i thought she did the same. so i’m hurt that she had no clue i wasn’t around when i was doing about everything i could to get in touch with her. i really needed her in the moment and she wasn’t there for me. i just feel like if roles were reversed i would’ve been able to help her out. she tells me i’m being an asshole by guilt tripping her, and that’s not at all what i’m trying to do. i’m just upset with the situation. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so hear me out. i know i am 100% to blame for this situation, but i can’t help but feeling upset/frustrated/disappointed, etc. so i told my gf i would take the trash out last night(we live together), which is pretty normal for me. i actually have been getting upset about it because she rarely takes out the trash, if ever at all. she’s a petite girl and she says it’s too heavy for so i sort of understand her not wanting to. i get upset because i’m always doing it and the only way she’ll do it is if i ask her a bajillion times which i don’t like to do. so alas i take the trash outside yesterday at 11pm. in my undershirt, pants, and some sandals. i live in the ne part of the states so it’s pretty cold at night. the dumbass that i am locked myself out of the building in the process. i didn’t have my phone or my keys, just my wallet. so i go to the intercom and i’m buzzing our apartment for about a half hour straight, becoming super cold and aggravated in the process. the intercom is connected to her phone which was on silent while she was sleeping. i tried my neighbors too but they weren’t answering either and no one came to the door during that time. after 30 mins i was too cold to stay outside so i ran like 2 miles to my buddies house. luckily he was up and i crashed on his couch. i used his phone to set up an alarm for 5am so i could try again in the morning. i finally got through to her at 5am and she buzzed me in after i took an uber back. i was definitely frustrated when i came home. went to bed for an hour and then i got up and went to work. she sends me a text and says she’s sorry i had a bad night and hopes i have a good day so i responded by sayin i know this is all my fault and youre not to blame, but i can’t help but feel frustrated and upset. i don’t sleep with my phone on silent so if i were sleeping while she was locked out, it’s highly likely i would’ve woken up. also i wake up in the night to grab water or use the restroom and i always check to see if she’s there; i thought she did the same. so i’m hurt that she had no clue i wasn’t around when i was doing about everything i could to get in touch with her. i really needed her in the moment and she wasn’t there for me. i just feel like if roles were reversed i would’ve been able to help her out. she tells me i’m being an asshole by guilt tripping her, and that’s not at all what i’m trying to do. i’m just upset with the situation. so aita? [/INST] yta. is she supposed to have some kind of spidey sense that wakes her up if your simple ass locks yourself out? take responsibility for your own foolishness. </s>
|
AITA for my christmas present to my girlfriend?
|
my girlfriend, anna (fake name) and i have been together since i was 16 and she was 17, a year later she got kicked out by her parents, i'd have to sneak her into my bedroom at nights so she wouldn't have to sleep at a shelter, i love her but because of this shes always been tight on money (can't spend a 5er without letting her know what it's for)
i'm now 23, we are being tight so we can save up for our wedding.
we agreed on a tight budget this christmas.
i got her a sequin make up case, 5 face masks, 2 foot masks, a nail set, a foot spa, a heated blanket and her favourite chocolate set.
i've been told that my presents weren't thoughtful and that i'm an asshole for going cheap despite having savings put away (£1500, but i was planning on adding it to our wedding savings)
she didn't tell me she didn't like them, my grandmother and sibling said that, she was disappointed though.
aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ega3cs/aita_for_my_christmas_present_to_my_girlfriend/
|
2019-12-27 11:27:54
|
info
>i've been told that my presents weren't thoughtful and that i'm an asshole for going cheap despite having savings put away
who told you that?
|
nta. you do not have a girlfriend problem. you two sound delightful.
what you have is a busybody grandmother and sibling problem. depending on how much conflict you can tolerate, you can either tell them to mind their own business or you can thank them for their concern and then proceed to ignore them.
go hug your girlfriend.
|
nta
the chocolate alone tells her that you’re being thoughtful if it’s her favorite set.
you’re also choosing to celebrate her and make sure she doesn’t have a christmas where she’s not appreciated even though you can’t really monetarily. maybe you could’ve made her something instead but the fact that you wanted her to know that no matter what she deserved to celebrate makes you nta here.
|
info: why was she disappointed? did she expect more money to be spent, or did she feel you got her not super thoughtful gifts?
one of my exes would always get me gifts he thought i would love, but they were things that i didn’t want. i said “only get me something i need, nothing that’s going to take up space when i move”. he got me things like a vase, or a cute t-shirt. things that i’m like “i can see how we got here” but truly things that just ended up taking more space that i didn’t want. i never told him that, always said thank you, but when we broke up for unrelated reasons, i threw so much stuff out because i was just keeping it to make him happy.
|
nta - you’re tight on money, if you are gonna spend those savings on the wedding it’s totally fine, but if you were to use them for yourself you will be ta
|
nta it's nobodies business how much you chose to spend on each other. it sounds like you thought about gifts that could pamper her within your budget and that's lovely.
|
info -- was all this stuff things she mentioned, used, liked, or asked for, or -- be honest -- did you hit the ubiquitous gift aisle that pops up in every store chain around december?
if the former, you are ok. if the latter, i could see how the gifts would seem not thoughtful. grabbing that kind of generic stuff does not take thought. context is important here.
| null | null | null |
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null | null | null | 0.090895 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend, anna (fake name) and i have been together since i was 16 and she was 17, a year later she got kicked out by her parents, i'd have to sneak her into my bedroom at nights so she wouldn't have to sleep at a shelter, i love her but because of this shes always been tight on money (can't spend a 5er without letting her know what it's for) i'm now 23, we are being tight so we can save up for our wedding. we agreed on a tight budget this christmas. i got her a sequin make up case, 5 face masks, 2 foot masks, a nail set, a foot spa, a heated blanket and her favourite chocolate set. i've been told that my presents weren't thoughtful and that i'm an asshole for going cheap despite having savings put away (£1500, but i was planning on adding it to our wedding savings) she didn't tell me she didn't like them, my grandmother and sibling said that, she was disappointed though. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend, anna (fake name) and i have been together since i was 16 and she was 17, a year later she got kicked out by her parents, i'd have to sneak her into my bedroom at nights so she wouldn't have to sleep at a shelter, i love her but because of this shes always been tight on money (can't spend a 5er without letting her know what it's for) i'm now 23, we are being tight so we can save up for our wedding. we agreed on a tight budget this christmas. i got her a sequin make up case, 5 face masks, 2 foot masks, a nail set, a foot spa, a heated blanket and her favourite chocolate set. i've been told that my presents weren't thoughtful and that i'm an asshole for going cheap despite having savings put away (£1500, but i was planning on adding it to our wedding savings) she didn't tell me she didn't like them, my grandmother and sibling said that, she was disappointed though. aita? [/INST] info >i've been told that my presents weren't thoughtful and that i'm an asshole for going cheap despite having savings put away who told you that? </s>
|
AITA: for telling a colleague she is not irish
|
i am working abroad in new york. i am irish, i was born in ireland, my parents, their parents and so on are/were all irish. i, like many other irish people, am very proud of my heritage. as a nation we suffered a lot time and time again and it has given us a very close knit sort of togetherness and pride. (that's how it has been my experience as an irish person in ireland with other irish people) i have a colleague from here in new york who was born and raised in new york, her parents are american, she has one irish grandparent. i do not feel or think this makes her irish.
anytime co workers ask me about ireland or being irish i am more than happy to answer any question they have big or small. however, anytime i do and she's around, she will talk as if she is also irish or she can relate. this bothers me. it got so frequent that she would go on about being irish that i got annoyed and bluntly told her that she is not irish. she has irish ancestry but this does not make her irish. she lost her shit, started giving out to me saying i have no right to say that and that i'm being racist. i don't see how i was being racist, i also think that of the two of us i would have more of a right to distinguish who is irish and who is not in this situation. she tried complaining about it to hr but they just sort of brushed it off because they were confused about the situation given what went down. i got in no trouble for this. she is however telling people i'm a racist asshole around the workplace. no one is taking her seriously as they know me and know what happened. aita?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bj3drq/aita_for_telling_a_colleague_she_is_not_irish/
|
2019-04-30 13:35:11
|
esh
to a european saying "i'm irish" or "i'm german" means "i'm from that country." in the us it does not mean that. it means "i have ancestry from that country." i get that this offends you in some way, but you need to get over yourself. when in rome, do as the romans do, eh?
that being said, your coworker's claim that you're a racist is ridiculous and annoying as well as incorrect. if this colleague is white, and so are you, then there's no chance of racism being in play.
to be honest, you're both acting like rude children, but it does seem like you started it.
|
nta. as someone whose mum is irish, i *just about* consider myself half (other half being english).
please continue to call out these people who have a weird obsession with being irish.
|
look, i’m british so my opinion is nta. however, americans love to pride themselves on “ancestry” like this so if you’re there long term you’re going to have to get used to this, especially in new york which has a history as a city basically populated by immigrants. there’s a lot of “irish” and “italian” people mainly.
|
nah mostly (though i don't think this woman was correct in calling you racist and going to hr.)
this is a culture shock thing, i think. part of "american values" is being excited about how our nation is made up of immigrants. folks in the states have a much lower bar for what makes you "ish" than folks in europe. i can tell people that i'm german, irish, english, and swedish and nobody bats an eye, but i've only been to a couple of those places and the culture of those countries really didn't affect my upbringing at all. my ancestors have been in the states for like 130 years, but if someone asks me what my ethnic background is, they're not looking for me to say "american."
you and this woman at work are literally just defining the word "irish" differently. i see your point about how your more-relevant irishness should mean that you get to decide what the word means, but i'm afraid you're going to be outnumbered on this until you leave the us.
|
esh. how long have you been in america? you're gonna learn that americans frequently identify by their ancestry because our country is a melting pot. very few people's families have been here for generations upon generations. ask other people you work with, and they'll tell you which country their grandparents came from, because a lot of us are only 3rd or 4th generation americans. so we often form an identity around the heritage our family came from. for myself, three of my four grandparents were first generation americans, and they had strong affiliations with their heritages because they were raised that way by their immigrant parents and then that bit of home country pride just got handed down. it's just a quirk of americans and i'd advise you learn to take it in stride or you will quickly go insane.
regarding my judgment, she was being over the top about it but you shouldn't have started shit in the workplace. just ignore her.
|
nta. first, i don't think you're the asshole for telling her that she has irish ancestry but in your opinion that doesn't make her irish. second, your colleague is the asshole for telling people you are a "racist asshole" for your comment. that's not appropriate.
you two can disagree about what makes someone "irish", but your colleague did not handle that disagreement properly.
|
nta. oh my god this stuff annoys me no end. my mum was born and raised in the uk, but by italian parents. we're very connected to that part of our heritage. i have a huge italian side of my family. i have been to italy many times. i speak fluent italian. however i don't consider myself italian, because i was raised in britain by british people. i'm a british person with italian heritage.
the number of people i met while i was studying abroad in the us who would tell me that they were italian, and then proudly reveal that their mother's grandma was from italy, but they didn't know which part bc they never met her, kinda made me want to tear my hair out. i get it's a cultural thing and i'm definitely irrationally bugged by it, but i think some people just don't get that being proud of x part of your heritage =/= being x nationality. it all kinda reminds me of that episode of family guy where peter finds out one of his ancestors was a slave so starts identifying as black even though he clearly isn't.
|
esh. lol when i was in dublin there was sooooo much “welcome home” shit to people coming back to explore their irish ancestry. you will find a lot of people in north america identify as irish because of that ancestry (and the sheer number of us). honestly i can say that pride was passed down to us from our grandparents who mostly left ireland not by choice. i obviously know i’m not irish (i’m canadian with irish ancestry) but tbh you better get used to it. she shouldn’t be jumping in to your conversations about actually growing up in ireland but you better calm your temper on this or you’re going to spend the rest of your life in na being infuriated.
|
>she has irish ancestry but this does not make her irish
being "irish" and "having irish ancestry" are used interchangeably in the us.
nah really. just a communication barrier or some culture shock.
i guess the coworker is kinda ta for overreacting though.
|
nta: it’s cringy that she does that. i understand that she has irish heritage but i feel like it’s a little offensive to you for her to group up like that in conversations that clearly were focused on questions pertaining to being from ireland.
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NAH
|
NTA
| 0.196625 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am working abroad in new york. i am irish, i was born in ireland, my parents, their parents and so on are/were all irish. i, like many other irish people, am very proud of my heritage. as a nation we suffered a lot time and time again and it has given us a very close knit sort of togetherness and pride. (that's how it has been my experience as an irish person in ireland with other irish people) i have a colleague from here in new york who was born and raised in new york, her parents are american, she has one irish grandparent. i do not feel or think this makes her irish. anytime co workers ask me about ireland or being irish i am more than happy to answer any question they have big or small. however, anytime i do and she's around, she will talk as if she is also irish or she can relate. this bothers me. it got so frequent that she would go on about being irish that i got annoyed and bluntly told her that she is not irish. she has irish ancestry but this does not make her irish. she lost her shit, started giving out to me saying i have no right to say that and that i'm being racist. i don't see how i was being racist, i also think that of the two of us i would have more of a right to distinguish who is irish and who is not in this situation. she tried complaining about it to hr but they just sort of brushed it off because they were confused about the situation given what went down. i got in no trouble for this. she is however telling people i'm a racist asshole around the workplace. no one is taking her seriously as they know me and know what happened. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am working abroad in new york. i am irish, i was born in ireland, my parents, their parents and so on are/were all irish. i, like many other irish people, am very proud of my heritage. as a nation we suffered a lot time and time again and it has given us a very close knit sort of togetherness and pride. (that's how it has been my experience as an irish person in ireland with other irish people) i have a colleague from here in new york who was born and raised in new york, her parents are american, she has one irish grandparent. i do not feel or think this makes her irish. anytime co workers ask me about ireland or being irish i am more than happy to answer any question they have big or small. however, anytime i do and she's around, she will talk as if she is also irish or she can relate. this bothers me. it got so frequent that she would go on about being irish that i got annoyed and bluntly told her that she is not irish. she has irish ancestry but this does not make her irish. she lost her shit, started giving out to me saying i have no right to say that and that i'm being racist. i don't see how i was being racist, i also think that of the two of us i would have more of a right to distinguish who is irish and who is not in this situation. she tried complaining about it to hr but they just sort of brushed it off because they were confused about the situation given what went down. i got in no trouble for this. she is however telling people i'm a racist asshole around the workplace. no one is taking her seriously as they know me and know what happened. aita? [/INST] esh to a european saying "i'm irish" or "i'm german" means "i'm from that country." in the us it does not mean that. it means "i have ancestry from that country." i get that this offends you in some way, but you need to get over yourself. when in rome, do as the romans do, eh? that being said, your coworker's claim that you're a racist is ridiculous and annoying as well as incorrect. if this colleague is white, and so are you, then there's no chance of racism being in play. to be honest, you're both acting like rude children, but it does seem like you started it. </s>
|
WIBTA for not driving my sister to work after her dui.
|
my sister got a dui about a month and a half ago. i've been forced to drive her to work and home from work. i was told i would get paid, but they (my mom and sister) never specified how much. she moved back home after this because she can't drive herself anywhere, so i started driving her and after about a week i decided to ask for a certain amount. it's about an hour drive round trip 2 times a day. that's 10 hours a week. i asked for 50 a week, or 200 a month. she makes enough that this is perfectly reasonable. i am asking for 5 dollars an hour, with super awkward hours.
she works 4pm-12:30am. the earliest i can go to bed is 1 am when doing this. i also have to be free before hand because sometimes she wants to go to the gas station on the way to get cigarettes. i can't always take her because i try to hang out with friends or i may have plans so i have to let someone know before hand so they can get her there. they're using this against me and saying that i'm asking too much because i can't be there every single time, ignoring that fact that if for some reason nobody else can take her, i still have to be free to do it, even if it means cancelling plans. so in a month in a half, i have received 60 dollars. it's stressing me out that i have to do this still considering they refuse to agree to a set amount, so i have no clue what i'll receive if i receive anything. i'm tempted to just tell them i'm done because i'm not being payed and it's fucking my sleep schedule to oblivion. wibta?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2fp3s/wibta_for_not_driving_my_sister_to_work_after_her/
|
2019-09-10 22:23:19
|
nta. what would an uber cost? you are a bargain in comparision. if she can value your time, effort, and inconvenience, her transportation issues can be solved somehow without you.
|
nta - just stop driving her. remind them: "as the judge says, driving is a privilege! and you'll have to pay me up front if you expect to take advantage of my privileges."
|
nta
5 bucks a ride before you take her. if she has cash for smokes she has cash for a ride. remind her she's the f up for getting a dui
|
nta. you are being marginalized while everyone is trying to lessen the impact on your drunken sister. she is the one that got the dui. she should have to suffer. not you. she can easily call an u er or taxi or ride the bus or bike to work. it is not your responsibility. also, softening the impact on her doesn’t help her learn from her mistakes. it’s called “suffering the consequences” for a reason. you should go live your life and let her figure hers out by herself. good luck.
|
nta - put 2 items on the kitchen table: 1) an invoice for your time and expenses 2) a bus schedule. her choice.
|
nta.
if your sister doesn’t like your terms, then bow out and suggest uber or lyft.
|
nta. what the hell? why are you being punished/having to take responsibility for your sisters mistakes??
how old are you? you're being seriously taken advantage of here. stop driving her and focus on you/your studies/work and making memories with your friends.
|
nta
stop driving her. if your rates are too high, she can pay for uber.
|
nta. your sister got a dui and needs to deal with the consequences. no way would i be driving a sibling to work and back, an hour each way. even during the day. never at 12:30 am.
|
nta - that’s super selfish of them really, i mean it’s out of your way, in your car and not to mention the inconvenience to your time and social life.
it’s an incredibly low and fair price and if they fail to see that, you should get quotes for taxi rides between the journeys and let her choose which she prefers.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister got a dui about a month and a half ago. i've been forced to drive her to work and home from work. i was told i would get paid, but they (my mom and sister) never specified how much. she moved back home after this because she can't drive herself anywhere, so i started driving her and after about a week i decided to ask for a certain amount. it's about an hour drive round trip 2 times a day. that's 10 hours a week. i asked for 50 a week, or 200 a month. she makes enough that this is perfectly reasonable. i am asking for 5 dollars an hour, with super awkward hours. she works 4pm-12:30am. the earliest i can go to bed is 1 am when doing this. i also have to be free before hand because sometimes she wants to go to the gas station on the way to get cigarettes. i can't always take her because i try to hang out with friends or i may have plans so i have to let someone know before hand so they can get her there. they're using this against me and saying that i'm asking too much because i can't be there every single time, ignoring that fact that if for some reason nobody else can take her, i still have to be free to do it, even if it means cancelling plans. so in a month in a half, i have received 60 dollars. it's stressing me out that i have to do this still considering they refuse to agree to a set amount, so i have no clue what i'll receive if i receive anything. i'm tempted to just tell them i'm done because i'm not being payed and it's fucking my sleep schedule to oblivion. wibta?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister got a dui about a month and a half ago. i've been forced to drive her to work and home from work. i was told i would get paid, but they (my mom and sister) never specified how much. she moved back home after this because she can't drive herself anywhere, so i started driving her and after about a week i decided to ask for a certain amount. it's about an hour drive round trip 2 times a day. that's 10 hours a week. i asked for 50 a week, or 200 a month. she makes enough that this is perfectly reasonable. i am asking for 5 dollars an hour, with super awkward hours. she works 4pm-12:30am. the earliest i can go to bed is 1 am when doing this. i also have to be free before hand because sometimes she wants to go to the gas station on the way to get cigarettes. i can't always take her because i try to hang out with friends or i may have plans so i have to let someone know before hand so they can get her there. they're using this against me and saying that i'm asking too much because i can't be there every single time, ignoring that fact that if for some reason nobody else can take her, i still have to be free to do it, even if it means cancelling plans. so in a month in a half, i have received 60 dollars. it's stressing me out that i have to do this still considering they refuse to agree to a set amount, so i have no clue what i'll receive if i receive anything. i'm tempted to just tell them i'm done because i'm not being payed and it's fucking my sleep schedule to oblivion. wibta? [/INST] nta. what would an uber cost? you are a bargain in comparision. if she can value your time, effort, and inconvenience, her transportation issues can be solved somehow without you. </s>
|
AITA for cooking while my roommate sleeps?
|
basically, a few months ago, we had a bed bug problem that led to my roommate throwing out his bed. we got that treated, and ever since then, he has been sleeping on the pull out couch in the living room, which is connected to the kitchen. he got home from work at 1 am, and it is currently 8:46 am. as we speak, i am making breakfast for my little brother who stayed to night and he is audibly and visibly tossing and turning and groaning, and will no doubt say something later. my point of view is, it's a shared kitchen between four people; it's unreasonable to expect us not to use it just because he doesn't want to get a new mattress. i also actually offered him my boyfriend and i's old mattress since we got a new one, and he refused it, so he could have one if he really wanted to. he has his own room as well, so he would be back to sleeping in it if that were the case. on the other hand, though, my making eggs and hashbrowns clearly has disturbed his sleep. so am i ta?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/luj39k/aita_for_cooking_while_my_roommate_sleeps/
|
2021-02-28 15:50:53
|
nta. he’s choosing to use the common area as his bedroom. nope.
|
absolutely nta.
your roommate is choosing to sleep in the living room. he could get a cheap mattress until he is able to afford one that he wants or he can get an air mattress. however, he prefers to sleep in the living room and expecting people not to cook food. it’s 9 in the morning for crying out loud. people want to eat their breakfast and he is trying to make them feel guilty for it? he is the one who chose to sleep in the living room so he can deal with it.
|
nta; this is communal living. it's a communal space. expecting everyone to bend to the situation of 1 person is pretty selfish.
now, i understand why he might not want a mattress shared by someone he knows and that person's partner, and i understand that having your sleep interrupted is annoying, but buddy if it's that much of a problem but you can't get a new mattress, for whatever reason, just get a blowup mattress in the interim and get back in your own room.
|
nta
they are called bedrooms for a reason. and the kitchen is a shared space.
|
nta. why is he still sleeping in the living room? he could use a blow up mattress in his room.
|
nta. he can't dictate the use of shared space during reasonable hours. he has a bedroom. he could get a sleeping bag, an inflatable mattress, or a cheap mattress. he could get a futon from ebay, craiglist, gumtree etc.
|
nta.
are you sure your friend just isn't michael scott, who has made it very clear he loves waking up to the smell of bacon?
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: basically, a few months ago, we had a bed bug problem that led to my roommate throwing out his bed. we got that treated, and ever since then, he has been sleeping on the pull out couch in the living room, which is connected to the kitchen. he got home from work at 1 am, and it is currently 8:46 am. as we speak, i am making breakfast for my little brother who stayed to night and he is audibly and visibly tossing and turning and groaning, and will no doubt say something later. my point of view is, it's a shared kitchen between four people; it's unreasonable to expect us not to use it just because he doesn't want to get a new mattress. i also actually offered him my boyfriend and i's old mattress since we got a new one, and he refused it, so he could have one if he really wanted to. he has his own room as well, so he would be back to sleeping in it if that were the case. on the other hand, though, my making eggs and hashbrowns clearly has disturbed his sleep. so am i ta?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
basically, a few months ago, we had a bed bug problem that led to my roommate throwing out his bed. we got that treated, and ever since then, he has been sleeping on the pull out couch in the living room, which is connected to the kitchen. he got home from work at 1 am, and it is currently 8:46 am. as we speak, i am making breakfast for my little brother who stayed to night and he is audibly and visibly tossing and turning and groaning, and will no doubt say something later. my point of view is, it's a shared kitchen between four people; it's unreasonable to expect us not to use it just because he doesn't want to get a new mattress. i also actually offered him my boyfriend and i's old mattress since we got a new one, and he refused it, so he could have one if he really wanted to. he has his own room as well, so he would be back to sleeping in it if that were the case. on the other hand, though, my making eggs and hashbrowns clearly has disturbed his sleep. so am i ta? [/INST] nta. he’s choosing to use the common area as his bedroom. nope. </s>
|
WIBTA if I got my own internet meaning my roommate had to pay for his own also?
|
so i live in a 2 bedroom flat with a guy i know from high school. the internet is not great for me at the moment as the router is reasonably far away from my room at the moment.
my roommate and his girlfriend both use the internet which makes our already slow internet, difficult to deal with. so i proposed to upgrade the wifi, whilst splitting the costs 3 ways. my roommate and his girlfriend said they had no issues with the current wifi so don’t see the need to upgrade.
i’ve been looking into getting my own internet (with the router in my room), although this would involve my flatmate paying more for internet, as i wouldn’t be splitting the cost.
so wibta for getting my own router and stop paying for the current?
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aqn536/wibta_if_i_got_my_own_internet_meaning_my/
|
2019-02-14 18:52:49
|
nta. let them pay for their internet, and you can pay for your own. if they don’t like it, maybe they’ll reconsider upgrading the current internet.
|
nta,
but i'd recommend one talk along the lines of "the internet doesn't work well for me, i'm going to get my own. but we could try upgrading for $x instead". if you're fine with the upgrade, give them a chance to accept it instead of paying for your current internet alone.
|
nta if you give him a head's up.
|
nta. give them the choice though. "the current internet set up is a waste of money for me. i need it to be reliable so we either upgrade or i get my own. either way, you will be paying more so which would you prefer?"
you're not an asshole for needing your internet to work.
|
have you tried a wifi extender?
|
yeah just get an extender or repeater - it's like
$20. once you can actually get a good signal and take some of their bandwidth, they will notice a considerable slow down and will likely agree with you.
|
that's not how the internet works. you can't have two separate internet connections/bills for the same apartment. i mean, you can, but it would involve laying more cable which your landlord probably wouldn't consent to. just get another router, put it in your room and connect it to the old router. this takes some know-how to set up but nothing that some googling can't teach you.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i live in a 2 bedroom flat with a guy i know from high school. the internet is not great for me at the moment as the router is reasonably far away from my room at the moment. my roommate and his girlfriend both use the internet which makes our already slow internet, difficult to deal with. so i proposed to upgrade the wifi, whilst splitting the costs 3 ways. my roommate and his girlfriend said they had no issues with the current wifi so don’t see the need to upgrade. i’ve been looking into getting my own internet (with the router in my room), although this would involve my flatmate paying more for internet, as i wouldn’t be splitting the cost. so wibta for getting my own router and stop paying for the current?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i live in a 2 bedroom flat with a guy i know from high school. the internet is not great for me at the moment as the router is reasonably far away from my room at the moment. my roommate and his girlfriend both use the internet which makes our already slow internet, difficult to deal with. so i proposed to upgrade the wifi, whilst splitting the costs 3 ways. my roommate and his girlfriend said they had no issues with the current wifi so don’t see the need to upgrade. i’ve been looking into getting my own internet (with the router in my room), although this would involve my flatmate paying more for internet, as i wouldn’t be splitting the cost. so wibta for getting my own router and stop paying for the current? [/INST] nta. let them pay for their internet, and you can pay for your own. if they don’t like it, maybe they’ll reconsider upgrading the current internet. </s>
|
AITA for "forcing" stepdaughter to babysit?
|
i’m mom to two boys, zonnie (7m) and xavier (5m). my husband carl (45m) has chasity (16f) from his ex-wife. they had split custody but ex actually passed a few months ago. so understandably carl got full custody. chasity has lived with us full-time for about 3 months.
it was an adjustment but there’s been few issues. chasity is a nice enough girl, not really argumentative like a lot of kids that age. i’ve been trying not to meddle around in her life because at her age it’s her choice what relationship she has with me. i’d say we’re on decent terms. but then my work changed my hours.
i used to work an 8-2:30 shift and husband the traditional 9-5, so it meshed well with getting boys to school/preschool. now i’m doing 10:30-5. it’ll be better pay and our family can certainly use the extra money, but zonnie and xavier leave school at 3. i could time a break to get them from school but i can’t watch them while i work the rest of the day. chasity, however, her school ends at i think 2:20. i really don’t see any reason why she can’t watch the boys for a couple hours until we get back.
chasity had a fit though, she said she doesn’t want to babysit. apparently she wanted to do a few clubs this semester and would have to stay after school. i understand where she’s coming from but told her that just isn’t going to work this time around, maybe things will be different next semester. she also told me zonnie in particular “isn’t nice to her”, but that really sounds like an excuse since she hasn’t said anything before.
carl sides with me. he believes that chasity absolutely should help out with her brothers, it sucks she had other plans but we all have things that we do for family. he told her this. chasity is still pissed and says we’re both “assholes who are ruining her life”. those were her exact words and carl ended up taking her phone as result of it.
i feel like this is primarily just teen melodrama, but she’s still terse (this was several days ago) and i really am wondering if i overstepped. i feel for her not getting to do her extracurriculars, but i definitely believe we all have obligations to our loved ones and this is one. aita?
&#x200b;
| 149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pkoblu/aita_for_forcing_stepdaughter_to_babysit/
|
2021-09-09 02:00:39
|
yta. you and your husband. she lost her mother. she's not your live-in nanny just because she now lives with you full-time. if she doesn't want to babysit and has some clubs she's interested in, i'd think you all should be happy that she's not unambitious due to depression or grief.
|
yta - you had those kids. their care is your problem, not your stepdaughter's. she shouldn't have to make sacrifices to her social life because you don't want to pay a sitter.
|
yta. and so is your husband.
had chasity asked about the clubs before the work changed, you’ve approved them.
and if her mom had not died, you’d have to figure something else out for the little ones.
so essentially, chasity
1. lost her mum
2. had to adjust to different living situations
3. the asshole parents rejected her desire to participate in clubs, and if the above were not bad enough for any kid
4. forcing her to babysit every day her siblings.
don’t worry about the relationship you’ll have with her. it’s already clear.
|
yta so deeply! my heart goes out to this poor girl. i've been in her exact shoes. i lost my mum at 15, and instead of proper therapy and help, i just threw myself into school to cope, hell when my one brother passed, i fucking went to school the next day! just to be able cope (i ended up in the guidance counselors room crying my eyes out, yeaaaa i was in middle school -held back 2yrs poor math skills- so they knew i was gonna burst and saved me from the others.)
and guess what she's doing? the same exact thing, school and clubs are her safe spaces, it allows her peace away from reality even for a few hours a day. those hours at the clubs/sports/job whatever she chooses to do, is giving her the ability to forget about her new reality of the fact, she doesn't get to do the prom experience with her mum, or graduation, or one day if she decides to get married, her mother won't be their with her. i'm gonnna sound harsh here but. you are not her mother, you are not the replacement mother figure she needs. you are the woman that has basically said "you are going to do this because "fammmmily" comes first even though you barely know me, and you just lost your mother, so i'm going to force my presence down your throat until you become numb and submit to my demands" you gave her no options to compromise with, and to add insult to injury you said "heres 10 bucks a day", you do realize that babysitting wages/nanny wages have gone way up right? even teenagers are now getting around 13-20 an hour (depending on their age, experience level, multiple kids, or infants, if they are working with special needs or have their license to drive and thus are taking kids to/from events/clubs/school and so on) or upwards of 50 a day because ultimately they are playing "second" parent to these kids until an actual parent comes home. like $10 a day is a utter joke if you want to throw the title babysitter on her.
that can help a little for college essays/work resumes since she could swing it as child care, but if she's not going into those fields it does her no good. she needs those extra activties and clubs to boost her college resume first of all, and her work experience too. good colleges (and expensive ones) except a senior in high school who's applying, to have a multitude of shit on their resume, multiple clubs, titles like honor student, or if they are in a advance program, are they apart of sports, or certain clubs, do they have titles in said clubs (president, treasury etc) hell even shit like choir or band, cheerleading, are they class president, or class treasury etc. all of this shit will affect her chances of getting into a good college (along with her grades which can be affected by stress/depression/mental health) and being denied is gonna make her resentful as hell if its due to lack of "experiences"
also you say "maybe next year" what if next year your schedule gets worse? earlier start time, later end date, or your husbands gets worse. she'll be expected to give up her senior year for that too? senior year is their biggest stressful year. sats, acts preps, college applications are due soon, everyone is taking every spot in everything they can to prep for it. same for if they are going into trade schools, some require testing prior to getting in, so cramming for those tests!
and heres the biggest fucking question. when is chasity allowed to be a teenager? i'm serious. when is she going to be allowed to be a fucking teenager. or are you gonna rip that away too? you're trying to rip away her social life and educational life (ie clubs/activities etc) away so you don't have to find a good babysitter, because it might take some work to do so. when does she get to be a kid before she hits adulthood? because i can assure you, if you force her into this, she's gonna go into planning mode, on how to get the fuck out of that house as soon as she turns 18. it could be studying abroad, or going to the farthest college she can afford. because you are acting like its no big deal, but it is. she's trying to normalize her new reality. her new reality is this
she has no mother,
her mother died suddenly
her father has remarried
she now has siblings she didn't think she'd have.
and now.
her step-mother is demanding that she give up the few things she can control in order to take care of her step-siblings (since you didn't mention relations so i'm assuming step not bio) because you don't want to take the time to find a good sitter/nanny and figure throwing her a few bucks is fine that its enough to cover up her crumbling life.
she lost her mother, do not force her to give up what makes her happy to make your life easier. you had those kids, not her. go to care . com, they have services for even rural areas for people to finds sitters/nannys its time to get on their and start working on finding the adult you need. do not push this on her, because if you do, she's gonna resent you all for a long time if not ever. she deserves to have something that makes her happy during this troublesome time for her.
also. therapy. all of you. single and family. that poor girl needs support and a neutral 3rd party to have her back because when her wall finally cracks and the dam waters come flooding, it won't be pretty. right now she's holding herself together with scotch tape, and super glue and sooner or later those bandaids are gonna break and all her grief/anger/sadness everything is gonna come flooding out and shes gonna need a therapist she trusts to help her through the trauma. and yall need family counseling because yall aint meshing the family right and its hurting someone in the family and then non-care attitude is gonna make it worse.
|
what would you have done if this poor girls mother hadn’t died.
do that.
|
yta. she shouldn’t have to give up the things she wants to do on campus because your schedule. older children aren’t there to be the baby sitters for your younger children.
|
yta as well as your husband. just because she now lives with you does not mean a 16 year old should automatically be your live in babysitter. are you paying her what you would have paid for childcare?
|
yta - her name is not cinderella. you had those boys, not her. she had been through enough this year without you making her give up school clubs to watch your kids. she just lost her mom. what is wrong with you?
|
yta- how dare you call
a grieving child melodramatic. seriously you are cold hearted. the last thing she needs to be doing is being stuck at home with siblings. she needs to be joining those clubs and having social interaction.
you literally told her that what she’s wants/needs is irrelevant because you want her to babysit. you don’t need her to babysit. you want her to babysit. let her be a kid and hire a babysitter or find an after school program for your children. yes your children not hers. ps. your husband sucks if he backed up his wife over his daughter. so basically he chose you over her which i’m sure made you giddy. she’ll remember that life lesson for the rest of her life and it will affect their relationship forever but you probably don’t care.
ugh you really suck man…. like her mom just died…. this is all so heartless. 👎🏻
|
yta. this kid has just been through some significant trauma. her life has been upended.
you care so little that you appear to not even know for sure when her school gets out, and you also don't think she's entitled to extracurricular activities because you want some free child care.
so you punishe her for not being onboard with having her life even more disrupted.
at the very least, if you expect her to babysit every damned day, \*pay\* the girl.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m mom to two boys, zonnie (7m) and xavier (5m). my husband carl (45m) has chasity (16f) from his ex-wife. they had split custody but ex actually passed a few months ago. so understandably carl got full custody. chasity has lived with us full-time for about 3 months. it was an adjustment but there’s been few issues. chasity is a nice enough girl, not really argumentative like a lot of kids that age. i’ve been trying not to meddle around in her life because at her age it’s her choice what relationship she has with me. i’d say we’re on decent terms. but then my work changed my hours. i used to work an 8-2:30 shift and husband the traditional 9-5, so it meshed well with getting boys to school/preschool. now i’m doing 10:30-5. it’ll be better pay and our family can certainly use the extra money, but zonnie and xavier leave school at 3. i could time a break to get them from school but i can’t watch them while i work the rest of the day. chasity, however, her school ends at i think 2:20. i really don’t see any reason why she can’t watch the boys for a couple hours until we get back. chasity had a fit though, she said she doesn’t want to babysit. apparently she wanted to do a few clubs this semester and would have to stay after school. i understand where she’s coming from but told her that just isn’t going to work this time around, maybe things will be different next semester. she also told me zonnie in particular “isn’t nice to her”, but that really sounds like an excuse since she hasn’t said anything before. carl sides with me. he believes that chasity absolutely should help out with her brothers, it sucks she had other plans but we all have things that we do for family. he told her this. chasity is still pissed and says we’re both “assholes who are ruining her life”. those were her exact words and carl ended up taking her phone as result of it. i feel like this is primarily just teen melodrama, but she’s still terse (this was several days ago) and i really am wondering if i overstepped. i feel for her not getting to do her extracurriculars, but i definitely believe we all have obligations to our loved ones and this is one. aita? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m mom to two boys, zonnie (7m) and xavier (5m). my husband carl (45m) has chasity (16f) from his ex-wife. they had split custody but ex actually passed a few months ago. so understandably carl got full custody. chasity has lived with us full-time for about 3 months. it was an adjustment but there’s been few issues. chasity is a nice enough girl, not really argumentative like a lot of kids that age. i’ve been trying not to meddle around in her life because at her age it’s her choice what relationship she has with me. i’d say we’re on decent terms. but then my work changed my hours. i used to work an 8-2:30 shift and husband the traditional 9-5, so it meshed well with getting boys to school/preschool. now i’m doing 10:30-5. it’ll be better pay and our family can certainly use the extra money, but zonnie and xavier leave school at 3. i could time a break to get them from school but i can’t watch them while i work the rest of the day. chasity, however, her school ends at i think 2:20. i really don’t see any reason why she can’t watch the boys for a couple hours until we get back. chasity had a fit though, she said she doesn’t want to babysit. apparently she wanted to do a few clubs this semester and would have to stay after school. i understand where she’s coming from but told her that just isn’t going to work this time around, maybe things will be different next semester. she also told me zonnie in particular “isn’t nice to her”, but that really sounds like an excuse since she hasn’t said anything before. carl sides with me. he believes that chasity absolutely should help out with her brothers, it sucks she had other plans but we all have things that we do for family. he told her this. chasity is still pissed and says we’re both “assholes who are ruining her life”. those were her exact words and carl ended up taking her phone as result of it. i feel like this is primarily just teen melodrama, but she’s still terse (this was several days ago) and i really am wondering if i overstepped. i feel for her not getting to do her extracurriculars, but i definitely believe we all have obligations to our loved ones and this is one. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] yta. you and your husband. she lost her mother. she's not your live-in nanny just because she now lives with you full-time. if she doesn't want to babysit and has some clubs she's interested in, i'd think you all should be happy that she's not unambitious due to depression or grief. </s>
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.