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AITA for wanting a wedding even though I have a child?	my partner and i had our daughter earlier than we'd planned. we'd only been together for about a year, so we held off on getting married because we didn't want to get married just because we had a kid. she's 5 now and my partner and i are ready to get married. we are putting money away and saving up for a wedding, but both our parents say we're being selfish to spend this money on ourselves when we could just elope and spend the money on our daughter. we are not hurting financially by any means; in fact, we both work in a field with healthy salaries, job security, health insurance, and a massive discount for our daughter if she eventually decides to go to college. we live a modest lifestyle but our daughter never goes without and we have savings and such. we're saving up using a separate fund so we don't touch our emergency funds. that said, i do understand that we could use this money on our daughter to take her on a trip or something, but my partner and i have both envisioned ourselves having a traditional wedding and it's something we both want. are we assholes for spending this money on ourselves instead of our daughter?	147	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/amtu6l/aita_for_wanting_a_wedding_even_though_i_have_a/	2019-02-03 20:48:19	nta your parents need to mind their own pockets instead of yours	hell no! nta!!! have your wedding!!!!	nta; you and your partner are responsible for your own funds, not your parents. you know how much you can afford to budget, and it’s yours to do with what you will. until they’re putting up a check they can’t be speaking	nta! loads of people get married after having children. i don’t see as out of the question at all. think of how excited your daughter will be to participate too - especially if you make her a big part of the day. i firmly believe that will make her feel more special than a trip ever would.	nta not even remotely. you said it yourself if you make enough. i dont want to assume anything but i'm sure your daughter will be a part of the wedding and that would be special enough. stop listening to other people. that includes me. you do what you both want! if your parents dont like it they dont have to come. i'm doing my own wedding planning and after the first month put out a strict mind your own business rule. to many people deciding they know what's best. congrats on your wedding btw!	nta it’s not the 1950s any more, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a child and a traditional wedding. if anything, i bet your daughter will love the day and you’ll get so many beautiful family photos on the day.	how is this even a question. nta. and that's from a person who thinks most of the weddings are a huge waste of money and would never ever spent money on something like that. your life, your money, your kid, your wedding. people should learn to shut up when nobody's asking for their precious opinions.	nta. it's your money to do with what you will. you're not taking away from your child.	nah. just different views. you can clearly afford to do this, as you have both emergency funding and a wedding fund while covering everything else. doesn't sound like your daughter is going to do without. thank being said, it's only one day. we spent about $25,000 on ours and it was lovely. but oh man was it a waste of money. don't get me wrong, we are happy and have a beautiful family. it was a great day. but if i could do it again it would be a small, family & close friends thing only. that money could be used for so much else. you could also plan a 2-parter honeymoon. 1 week with just you and hubby, then a week as a family somewhere else so you are taking your daughter on that trip.	nta: if the two of you are able to support your daughter and have a wedding, you’ll be fine	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my partner and i had our daughter earlier than we'd planned. we'd only been together for about a year, so we held off on getting married because we didn't want to get married just because we had a kid. she's 5 now and my partner and i are ready to get married. we are putting money away and saving up for a wedding, but both our parents say we're being selfish to spend this money on ourselves when we could just elope and spend the money on our daughter. we are not hurting financially by any means; in fact, we both work in a field with healthy salaries, job security, health insurance, and a massive discount for our daughter if she eventually decides to go to college. we live a modest lifestyle but our daughter never goes without and we have savings and such. we're saving up using a separate fund so we don't touch our emergency funds. that said, i do understand that we could use this money on our daughter to take her on a trip or something, but my partner and i have both envisioned ourselves having a traditional wedding and it's something we both want. are we assholes for spending this money on ourselves instead of our daughter?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my partner and i had our daughter earlier than we'd planned. we'd only been together for about a year, so we held off on getting married because we didn't want to get married just because we had a kid. she's 5 now and my partner and i are ready to get married. we are putting money away and saving up for a wedding, but both our parents say we're being selfish to spend this money on ourselves when we could just elope and spend the money on our daughter. we are not hurting financially by any means; in fact, we both work in a field with healthy salaries, job security, health insurance, and a massive discount for our daughter if she eventually decides to go to college. we live a modest lifestyle but our daughter never goes without and we have savings and such. we're saving up using a separate fund so we don't touch our emergency funds. that said, i do understand that we could use this money on our daughter to take her on a trip or something, but my partner and i have both envisioned ourselves having a traditional wedding and it's something we both want. are we assholes for spending this money on ourselves instead of our daughter? [/INST] nta your parents need to mind their own pockets instead of yours </s>
AITA for walking out of a tattoo appointment?	i recently found an awesome tattoo artist who does really good work. i set up an appointment to get a tattoo, and while i was there getting a tattoo i noticed some teens come in the studio and try to set up an appointment and got turned down for being underage, i was talking to the tattoo artist and they said it’s a really annoying problem they deal with on a daily basis. i offered to paint them a hanging sign that says we only tattoo 18+ . side note i am a pinstriper/ sign painter and i do really good work. if you don’t know what sign painting is look it up. it’s a type of art that uses high quality paint and special brushes and a really steady hand to paint lettering. so they accepted my offer. i wasn’t expecting anything in return rather as a gift to them and i’ll take any opportunity to get my work out there. my tattoo artist was stoked about it and said “dude if you do that i’ll totally hook you up with a tattoo as a trade “ i accepted his offer and brought back the sign a week later and they loved it. he told me “hey man let’s set up an appointment and i’ll hook you up with some ink, whatever you want” so i set up an appointment but he was booked out so it was going to be about a month later. so it comes times for my appointment i shoot him a text, and i wanted it to be an easy tattoo for him since he was giving me a free tattoo i wasn’t going to ask for a huge tattoo or something really hard, so i just told him if he’s working on any flash tattoos or anything he wants to try i’ll do it. he agreed. i show up for my appointment he shows me the design he wanted to do shaves my arm and then says “so i would usually charge $300 i will do it for $200 for you” i was shocked at first. this whole time i was under the impression i was getting a free tattoo. so it was really awkward but i told him “uhhhh i was kind of under the impression you were going to hook me up “ after saying that i felt like a total asshole. i was still planning on tipping since i know what it’s like to be an artist, but his wording totally made it seem free. he said well i could shrink it down for $100. i agreed at first and then i thought about it and explained “actually i can’t really afford that right now i’ll have to come back another time” he seemed slightly frustrated but understanding and i walked out. i felt like a huge asshole for expecting free work, but at the same time i was totally under the impression “hook you up with some ink” meant a free tattoo. am i the asshole for expecting that?	147	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vkky8v/aita_for_walking_out_of_a_tattoo_appointment/	2022-06-25 18:16:50	nta. any rational person would assume he meant a free tattoo. if he meant that he would give you a special rate, he could've then specified that he would hook you up with a discount instead of saying he would hook you up with a tattoo as a trade. people need to be clearer when bartering. this time was his screw-up for not being clear.	nta. i would have assumed it was free as well.	nta you gave him a piece of artwork. you did not charge him for the resources.	nta, he called it a trade. if it wasn’t a straight across trade he shouldn’t have called it that. i think that’s probably what he meant at first and then once he thought more about the costs tried to change it without discussing it and figured you’d just go along. you handled it in a really chill way though, good on you.	nta, sounds like ur tattoo artist is full of double talk. tight fisted double talk, dangled good will in your face and then wanted to exploit it. loser. no miscommunication there. unless his message was “ yes, i’m a sleaze”.	nta he said hook you up as in free and didn’t say a discount which is a huge difference	nta he literally called it a trade?? why would pay for a trade when he got your art for free?	nah i think it was just a miscommunication of the deal. i agree why you thought it was free but i can also see his position as well. hookup can mean free can mean a good deal etc. next time, just get clarification.	nta- the way he was speaking sounded like it was a free tattoo	nta he said trade, that means goods for goods (or services for services in this case). if he didn’t view it as an equal trade he should have stated the price difference up front. he didn’t, and he is the ah because it sounds kind of like he set you up- and then tested the waters on how much money he could get out of you. can you get the sign back?	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i recently found an awesome tattoo artist who does really good work. i set up an appointment to get a tattoo, and while i was there getting a tattoo i noticed some teens come in the studio and try to set up an appointment and got turned down for being underage, i was talking to the tattoo artist and they said it’s a really annoying problem they deal with on a daily basis. i offered to paint them a hanging sign that says we only tattoo 18+ . side note i am a pinstriper/ sign painter and i do really good work. if you don’t know what sign painting is look it up. it’s a type of art that uses high quality paint and special brushes and a really steady hand to paint lettering. so they accepted my offer. i wasn’t expecting anything in return rather as a gift to them and i’ll take any opportunity to get my work out there. my tattoo artist was stoked about it and said “dude if you do that i’ll totally hook you up with a tattoo as a trade “ i accepted his offer and brought back the sign a week later and they loved it. he told me “hey man let’s set up an appointment and i’ll hook you up with some ink, whatever you want” so i set up an appointment but he was booked out so it was going to be about a month later. so it comes times for my appointment i shoot him a text, and i wanted it to be an easy tattoo for him since he was giving me a free tattoo i wasn’t going to ask for a huge tattoo or something really hard, so i just told him if he’s working on any flash tattoos or anything he wants to try i’ll do it. he agreed. i show up for my appointment he shows me the design he wanted to do shaves my arm and then says “so i would usually charge $300 i will do it for $200 for you” i was shocked at first. this whole time i was under the impression i was getting a free tattoo. so it was really awkward but i told him “uhhhh i was kind of under the impression you were going to hook me up “ after saying that i felt like a total asshole. i was still planning on tipping since i know what it’s like to be an artist, but his wording totally made it seem free. he said well i could shrink it down for $100. i agreed at first and then i thought about it and explained “actually i can’t really afford that right now i’ll have to come back another time” he seemed slightly frustrated but understanding and i walked out. i felt like a huge asshole for expecting free work, but at the same time i was totally under the impression “hook you up with some ink” meant a free tattoo. am i the asshole for expecting that?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i recently found an awesome tattoo artist who does really good work. i set up an appointment to get a tattoo, and while i was there getting a tattoo i noticed some teens come in the studio and try to set up an appointment and got turned down for being underage, i was talking to the tattoo artist and they said it’s a really annoying problem they deal with on a daily basis. i offered to paint them a hanging sign that says we only tattoo 18+ . side note i am a pinstriper/ sign painter and i do really good work. if you don’t know what sign painting is look it up. it’s a type of art that uses high quality paint and special brushes and a really steady hand to paint lettering. so they accepted my offer. i wasn’t expecting anything in return rather as a gift to them and i’ll take any opportunity to get my work out there. my tattoo artist was stoked about it and said “dude if you do that i’ll totally hook you up with a tattoo as a trade “ i accepted his offer and brought back the sign a week later and they loved it. he told me “hey man let’s set up an appointment and i’ll hook you up with some ink, whatever you want” so i set up an appointment but he was booked out so it was going to be about a month later. so it comes times for my appointment i shoot him a text, and i wanted it to be an easy tattoo for him since he was giving me a free tattoo i wasn’t going to ask for a huge tattoo or something really hard, so i just told him if he’s working on any flash tattoos or anything he wants to try i’ll do it. he agreed. i show up for my appointment he shows me the design he wanted to do shaves my arm and then says “so i would usually charge $300 i will do it for $200 for you” i was shocked at first. this whole time i was under the impression i was getting a free tattoo. so it was really awkward but i told him “uhhhh i was kind of under the impression you were going to hook me up “ after saying that i felt like a total asshole. i was still planning on tipping since i know what it’s like to be an artist, but his wording totally made it seem free. he said well i could shrink it down for $100. i agreed at first and then i thought about it and explained “actually i can’t really afford that right now i’ll have to come back another time” he seemed slightly frustrated but understanding and i walked out. i felt like a huge asshole for expecting free work, but at the same time i was totally under the impression “hook you up with some ink” meant a free tattoo. am i the asshole for expecting that? [/INST] nta. any rational person would assume he meant a free tattoo. if he meant that he would give you a special rate, he could've then specified that he would hook you up with a discount instead of saying he would hook you up with a tattoo as a trade. people need to be clearer when bartering. this time was his screw-up for not being clear. </s>
AITA for uninviting my friend to a party after she did the same.	my friend invited me to a party with some of her random friends. i was looking forward to going to this party. so i obviously made plans around that day, however she then texts me the day before saying,”sowwy u wanted me to be straight up with u so i don’t want to bring u to that thing on saturday.” initially i was cool with it, but then i was a little offended because i already thought i was going. when i asked for a reason y (and i wasn’t rude about it) she said “no” followed by “sorry lol.” well, i talked to her the day after the party and told her how i felt about it. she never acted like this before so you could understand my surprise. well i decided to get back at her so she could understand how i felt. i had my birthday coming up and i wanted to celebrate by inviting some friends. i told her a week in advance, however the day before i told her i didn’t want her to go. now she’s calling me an asshole. my other friends say otherwise. aita	147	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b97d2d/aita_for_uninviting_my_friend_to_a_party_after/	2019-04-04 02:52:31	esh - you’re both being petty ass bitches.	eh... nta i mean, maybe the revenge was petty, but why invite someone to your birthday party when they uninvited you the last minute.	nta i can be petty too i’ll admit and would likely do the same.	[deleted]	nta. hurts doesn't it? i'm not against petty revenge, as long as she knows the point you're getting across	it's petty but why remain friends with anyone who doesn't respect you enough to explain her reasons?	esh, uninviting without a good reason is rude, but she did it first and has no right to be mad	nta. she sounds like she is not a good friend. you are better off. cut those toxic people out of your life.	nah sounds like turn about is fair play.	everyone sucks here	ESH	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	ESH	NTA	NAH	ESH	0.271863	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my friend invited me to a party with some of her random friends. i was looking forward to going to this party. so i obviously made plans around that day, however she then texts me the day before saying,”sowwy u wanted me to be straight up with u so i don’t want to bring u to that thing on saturday.” initially i was cool with it, but then i was a little offended because i already thought i was going. when i asked for a reason y (and i wasn’t rude about it) she said “no” followed by “sorry lol.” well, i talked to her the day after the party and told her how i felt about it. she never acted like this before so you could understand my surprise. well i decided to get back at her so she could understand how i felt. i had my birthday coming up and i wanted to celebrate by inviting some friends. i told her a week in advance, however the day before i told her i didn’t want her to go. now she’s calling me an asshole. my other friends say otherwise. aita	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my friend invited me to a party with some of her random friends. i was looking forward to going to this party. so i obviously made plans around that day, however she then texts me the day before saying,”sowwy u wanted me to be straight up with u so i don’t want to bring u to that thing on saturday.” initially i was cool with it, but then i was a little offended because i already thought i was going. when i asked for a reason y (and i wasn’t rude about it) she said “no” followed by “sorry lol.” well, i talked to her the day after the party and told her how i felt about it. she never acted like this before so you could understand my surprise. well i decided to get back at her so she could understand how i felt. i had my birthday coming up and i wanted to celebrate by inviting some friends. i told her a week in advance, however the day before i told her i didn’t want her to go. now she’s calling me an asshole. my other friends say otherwise. aita [/INST] esh - you’re both being petty ass bitches. </s>
AITA for being upset with my hospitalized spouse?	my spouse suffered a near fatal injury several weeks ago for which he has been hospitalized far from home. i've been by his side every step of the way while managing our lives from afar. his recovery has been extremely painful but he has been in great spirits. he's had hundreds of visitors and a several news stations come by for interviews with him (it's a unique situation) and we've had little time to decompress together. i went home this weekend to be with our young daughters who are struggling. i rarely heard from my spouse for three days despite often reaching out. i heard no health updates, we barely spoke and he never asked how the kids were. i waited anxiously by the phone and reached out often. i only recieved updates from his facebook about his frequent visitors. i told him today i was upset that i felt so alone and that he didn't need me. i was very emotional, and cried quite a bit before leaving early to take a breather. aita for putting this stress on him at this time?	147	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dv0ueh/aita_for_being_upset_with_my_hospitalized_spouse/	2019-11-11 23:17:35	nta. if he can operate facebook, he can call his spouse. this didn't just happen to him and him updating you is not difficult. especially when you're trying to do everything at once. also hugs. that's a hard position to be in and i wish you both the best.	i'm caught between not the asshole and no assholes here - as someone who's been in your spouse's position previously (not the news coverage but the extended hospitalization and painful, acute condition), constantly having to talk about what's going on, check in, and update folks while working on recovering, being woken up at all hours of the day and night for tests and doctor visits, having to do rehab... it's absolutely exhausting, and the urge to just shut down for a few days without explanation is fully understandable. that said, what you're feeling is also justified. you love your spouse, you were concerned about him, you want to be his support system, and you weren't able to for those days because you needed to tend to your children. it's absolutely not unreasonable to ask for a text or short call once or twice a day if he's able to meet with other visitors. so, i don't really know if there's an asshole here. but you aren't it.	nta. if he can post on fb, then he can check in with you and reply to messages from you.	nta. you’re allowed to be hurt that he isn’t contacting you if he’s able to do so.	nah as you said it’s a unique situation and he has hundreds of visitors at the moment, it could be a case of when there is free time it’s not at a good time.	nta. you're allowed to have feelings and you're allowed to express them, especially if it's your spouse. best of luck, this sounds like a tough situation. <3	nah. this is tough. phones work in both directions. not to mention the man nearly died. is it possible he may just be resting and recuperating? are any of his injuries head related? i think we have to cut a person who nearly died very recently and is still hospitalized a bit of extra slack.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NAH	null	null	null	0.00461	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my spouse suffered a near fatal injury several weeks ago for which he has been hospitalized far from home. i've been by his side every step of the way while managing our lives from afar. his recovery has been extremely painful but he has been in great spirits. he's had hundreds of visitors and a several news stations come by for interviews with him (it's a unique situation) and we've had little time to decompress together. i went home this weekend to be with our young daughters who are struggling. i rarely heard from my spouse for three days despite often reaching out. i heard no health updates, we barely spoke and he never asked how the kids were. i waited anxiously by the phone and reached out often. i only recieved updates from his facebook about his frequent visitors. i told him today i was upset that i felt so alone and that he didn't need me. i was very emotional, and cried quite a bit before leaving early to take a breather. aita for putting this stress on him at this time?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my spouse suffered a near fatal injury several weeks ago for which he has been hospitalized far from home. i've been by his side every step of the way while managing our lives from afar. his recovery has been extremely painful but he has been in great spirits. he's had hundreds of visitors and a several news stations come by for interviews with him (it's a unique situation) and we've had little time to decompress together. i went home this weekend to be with our young daughters who are struggling. i rarely heard from my spouse for three days despite often reaching out. i heard no health updates, we barely spoke and he never asked how the kids were. i waited anxiously by the phone and reached out often. i only recieved updates from his facebook about his frequent visitors. i told him today i was upset that i felt so alone and that he didn't need me. i was very emotional, and cried quite a bit before leaving early to take a breather. aita for putting this stress on him at this time? [/INST] nta. if he can operate facebook, he can call his spouse. this didn't just happen to him and him updating you is not difficult. especially when you're trying to do everything at once. also hugs. that's a hard position to be in and i wish you both the best. </s>
AITA for giving a large sum of money to the 'asshole of the family' and betraying my family?	so i (20f) consider my best friend's family my second family. my home life wasn't too good, and they took me under their wing. i could show up at any time and stay for however long i wanted. they were the reason i had birthdays and christmases. they paid for my school trips, school supplies, electronics, etc. i was over at their house nearly 24/7. they treated me as their own and i was friendly with all of them (big extended family all live close to each other, you get the drill). i should note that they're a very wealthy family, and an added family member was nothing to them. the issue is with my friend's cousin-jack 24m. he is, undeniably, a major asshole. i can't pin it down, but he just seems to despise his family and wants to do his own thing. of course, jack's behaviour doesn't exist in a vacuum, but i couldn't say what the cause would be. that being said, he's always been nice to me and we get along ok. no romantic feelings on my side. 2 months ago, i unexpectedly inherited a lot of wealth- money, assets and a house. even a quarter of the money would be enough to set myself, my kids and grandkids up for life. as soon as it got out in the second family, everything changed. suddenly all those presents has to be repaid, all the holidays had to be reimbursed, that maths tutor we payed for in year 9? yeh we need you to pay up. it was like i didn't know these people anymore. not only that, but i was already planning on giving them a cash gift as a thank you for helping me, so their attitude felt like a slap to the face. of course, i did pay them (but i framed it as a thank you gift, like i just mentioned) and gifted jack nearly a million. i did so because he was the only one who didn't turn on me, and i felt like he would genuinely do good with the money (he wants to set up his own business). when the family found out, they lost it. they asked how i could give jack, the 'asshole of the family', so much money when he's just going to blow it on drugs and expensive cars. i said i made my decision and this gift won't be the only one. however, they won't let it go. they're legitimately mad at me for giving the money to jack, who wasn't really in my life too much, as opposed to my friend's parents who arguably raised me. they're furious at me. aita?	147	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p4bljb/aita_for_giving_a_large_sum_of_money_to_the/	2021-08-14 16:51:26	nta - cut these people out now! i know you feel a sense of gratitude towards them for what they did but obviously it was for selfish reasons! no one asks for money back on gifts etc!. they are toxic and no wonder jack acted the way he did. now they think they have a say in how you spend your money? protect yourself and your fortune. on an unrelated note...spare changee..does anyone have some spare change!!! :)	nta - you don't choose to basically raise someone and expect a payback or financial reward. the money is yours to do with as you wish. heck it is a hell of a lot of money to give someone and i for one would be overwhelmed with gratitude in their situation. honestly you don't owe them anything. well done for holding the control by looking at it as a gift. certainly keep the rest for yourself and do not loan gift or other anymore. it will soon deplete all your resources. definitely speak to an accountant/financial advisor. it would suck if your generosity was taken advantage of.	am i the only one not buying this? you can’t just “gift” someone a million dollars. “and the gift won’t be the only one”. there’s tax consequences to that for them. the max “gift” in a money transfer is 15k. if these people were “so wealthy” and “treated you like family”, there “24/7” why are they suddenly asking for money? it doesn’t add up. doesn’t pass the smell test! there’s either gotta be a lot missing from this story or it’s bs! if there’s any truth to it at all, you need an accountant.	why why why in god’s name would you ever tell anyone you inherited millions of dollars & why why why in god’s name would you go around gifting nearly a million dollars to someone just because they did not betray you & may manage it well. stop telling people you have money and stop giving your money away. much wealthier people than you have gone bankrupt. please get a financial advisor.	yta this story doesn’t pass the smell test . this family took you in and loved you and welcomed you with open arms, did things for you that your actual family didn’t do and suddenly they just turn on you ? this makes zero sense . and to gift some random man a million is just off and odd . this “relative” left you 65 million and yet you were destitute as a child.... this isn’t a lifetime movie	nta. they didn’t welcome you as a child into their home on a conditional basis. no one expected you to eventually get this money. the money is yours and i’m glad you used it how you saw fit. i hope jack’s business thrives and he lives a happy and fulfilled life edit for typo	how did you enherit all these life changing generational money? your best friends family basiclly raised you but you also have secret family millions? lmao ok	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	null	null	YTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0.216506	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (20f) consider my best friend's family my second family. my home life wasn't too good, and they took me under their wing. i could show up at any time and stay for however long i wanted. they were the reason i had birthdays and christmases. they paid for my school trips, school supplies, electronics, etc. i was over at their house nearly 24/7. they treated me as their own and i was friendly with all of them (big extended family all live close to each other, you get the drill). i should note that they're a very wealthy family, and an added family member was nothing to them. the issue is with my friend's cousin-jack 24m. he is, undeniably, a major asshole. i can't pin it down, but he just seems to despise his family and wants to do his own thing. of course, jack's behaviour doesn't exist in a vacuum, but i couldn't say what the cause would be. that being said, he's always been nice to me and we get along ok. no romantic feelings on my side. 2 months ago, i unexpectedly inherited a lot of wealth- money, assets and a house. even a quarter of the money would be enough to set myself, my kids and grandkids up for life. as soon as it got out in the second family, everything changed. suddenly all those presents has to be repaid, all the holidays had to be reimbursed, that maths tutor we payed for in year 9? yeh we need you to pay up. it was like i didn't know these people anymore. not only that, but i was already planning on giving them a cash gift as a thank you for helping me, so their attitude felt like a slap to the face. of course, i did pay them (but i framed it as a thank you gift, like i just mentioned) and gifted jack nearly a million. i did so because he was the only one who didn't turn on me, and i felt like he would genuinely do good with the money (he wants to set up his own business). when the family found out, they lost it. they asked how i could give jack, the 'asshole of the family', so much money when he's just going to blow it on drugs and expensive cars. i said i made my decision and this gift won't be the only one. however, they won't let it go. they're legitimately mad at me for giving the money to jack, who wasn't really in my life too much, as opposed to my friend's parents who arguably raised me. they're furious at me. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i (20f) consider my best friend's family my second family. my home life wasn't too good, and they took me under their wing. i could show up at any time and stay for however long i wanted. they were the reason i had birthdays and christmases. they paid for my school trips, school supplies, electronics, etc. i was over at their house nearly 24/7. they treated me as their own and i was friendly with all of them (big extended family all live close to each other, you get the drill). i should note that they're a very wealthy family, and an added family member was nothing to them. the issue is with my friend's cousin-jack 24m. he is, undeniably, a major asshole. i can't pin it down, but he just seems to despise his family and wants to do his own thing. of course, jack's behaviour doesn't exist in a vacuum, but i couldn't say what the cause would be. that being said, he's always been nice to me and we get along ok. no romantic feelings on my side. 2 months ago, i unexpectedly inherited a lot of wealth- money, assets and a house. even a quarter of the money would be enough to set myself, my kids and grandkids up for life. as soon as it got out in the second family, everything changed. suddenly all those presents has to be repaid, all the holidays had to be reimbursed, that maths tutor we payed for in year 9? yeh we need you to pay up. it was like i didn't know these people anymore. not only that, but i was already planning on giving them a cash gift as a thank you for helping me, so their attitude felt like a slap to the face. of course, i did pay them (but i framed it as a thank you gift, like i just mentioned) and gifted jack nearly a million. i did so because he was the only one who didn't turn on me, and i felt like he would genuinely do good with the money (he wants to set up his own business). when the family found out, they lost it. they asked how i could give jack, the 'asshole of the family', so much money when he's just going to blow it on drugs and expensive cars. i said i made my decision and this gift won't be the only one. however, they won't let it go. they're legitimately mad at me for giving the money to jack, who wasn't really in my life too much, as opposed to my friend's parents who arguably raised me. they're furious at me. aita? [/INST] nta - cut these people out now! i know you feel a sense of gratitude towards them for what they did but obviously it was for selfish reasons! no one asks for money back on gifts etc!. they are toxic and no wonder jack acted the way he did. now they think they have a say in how you spend your money? protect yourself and your fortune. on an unrelated note...spare changee..does anyone have some spare change!!! :) </s>
WIBTA Started a family feud	so i need some help because i started a family feud by only visiting my grandma for one day and then leaving. first a little background: my grandma is dying of cancer and it is spreading rapidly. a month ago she had a year, but now she only has a month maybe two. so we scrapped our original plans of visiting in august and plan on going next week. i was looking forward to spending a few days with my family since we haven’t seen each other in two years. however, my family is very involved in dance. everything revolves around my nieces dance schedule. they practice six days a week for 4-6 hours a day (when they’re done they’re too wore out to do anything), and it’s not cheap. my sisters work multiple jobs to afford the nearly $8,000 yearly fees of dance school. this also makes them unavailable most of the time when we visit. i am visiting during one of their quarterly dance recitals, so they will be at the dance studio the whole time my family and i were visiting. so my wife and i made the decision to only stay for a day to say goodbye to my grandmother. this decision has not gone over very well with my mom and sisters. i explained to them that their schedules make it impossible for us to actually visit, so we decided to just make this trip about grandma. when they kept pressing, i finally let them know what i really think about them. i told them very bluntly that my kids always leave disappointed when we visit because no one can actually take a day off to see us. i pointed out that the trip costs us nearly $1500 dollars. we have 3 big dogs that have to be kenneled, and it’s hard to find a cheap option when your dogs average 110 lbs. yet we pay it nearly every year. i continued to explain that this is not fair to my family. my children do not know any of my family despite us visiting nearly every year because of the dance schedules. they said my kids can hang out at the dance studio. i said no we tried that, and i had to watch my daughter follow around my nieces as they ignored her. it was the saddest thing i’ve ever seen. my family thinks i’m being unreasonable and attacking my nieces for dancing. i told them no i’m not attacking my nieces. i don’t care that they dance. they are very good and it’s not my place to tell them what they should and shouldn’t do. the issue that i kept trying to explain is they can’t take a day off to actually visit with us, so i’m not going to try anymore. as you can imagine, they continued to pile on me and accuse me of dividing the family as my grandma is dying. i just want to know if i’m the asshole here. i want to visit and see them, but i’m not going to compete with their schedules anymore.	147	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o1ffnp/wibta_started_a_family_feud/	2021-06-16 21:02:38	nta. drop the rope, they already have. they want to have their cake and feed it, too, and it's time to look out for your kids' happiness.	nta - grandma is dying, so the trip should be focused on her since you only have a limited time with her, imho. as for the rest of your family, if they really wanted to see you that badly, they would make time. they made a choice not to and very clearly don’t value your own time, resources, or feelings.	nta - you went to spend the last days of your grandma's life. she's weak, suffering, and your only purpose was to pay respects and love to her. you didn't travel this far for others to guilt trip you. you don't intend to hang out with your nieces at the dance studio. i know it hurts.	nta ugh the self absorbed dance parents are so exhausting. don't let any family members guilt trip you about any of that. traveling is difficult, especially with children and there is no reason to let anyone else decide how you choose to spend you time. you can decline nicely. stick to that.	nta. tell them they should come visit you if they want to spend quality time. that way your nieces will have to take time off. after your grandma passes, you should stop visiting them yearly because its obvious they don't respect you enough to take the day off and spend time with you and your child.	nta, this is not about them, it’s about you paying respects to your grandmother. remind them of purpose of your visit.	nta - grandma is dying, so the trip should be focused on her since you only have a limited time with her, imho. as for the rest of your family, if they really wanted to see you that badly, they would make time. they made a choice not to and very clearly don’t value your own time, resources, or feelings.	nta. you regularly make the very expenses effort to go visit and they blow you off. hanging out at the dance studio so that they don't have to make any concessions is not fair to your kids or you the least they could do is take one day off. you are right to make this visit about your grandmother.	nta you cannot have a quality visit with distracted people. plus, no one wants to watch several hours of dance practice - not even the parents! they are the ones being unreasonable. it is their turn to come see you. if they cannot manage it, then why should you do all the work?	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i need some help because i started a family feud by only visiting my grandma for one day and then leaving. first a little background: my grandma is dying of cancer and it is spreading rapidly. a month ago she had a year, but now she only has a month maybe two. so we scrapped our original plans of visiting in august and plan on going next week. i was looking forward to spending a few days with my family since we haven’t seen each other in two years. however, my family is very involved in dance. everything revolves around my nieces dance schedule. they practice six days a week for 4-6 hours a day (when they’re done they’re too wore out to do anything), and it’s not cheap. my sisters work multiple jobs to afford the nearly $8,000 yearly fees of dance school. this also makes them unavailable most of the time when we visit. i am visiting during one of their quarterly dance recitals, so they will be at the dance studio the whole time my family and i were visiting. so my wife and i made the decision to only stay for a day to say goodbye to my grandmother. this decision has not gone over very well with my mom and sisters. i explained to them that their schedules make it impossible for us to actually visit, so we decided to just make this trip about grandma. when they kept pressing, i finally let them know what i really think about them. i told them very bluntly that my kids always leave disappointed when we visit because no one can actually take a day off to see us. i pointed out that the trip costs us nearly $1500 dollars. we have 3 big dogs that have to be kenneled, and it’s hard to find a cheap option when your dogs average 110 lbs. yet we pay it nearly every year. i continued to explain that this is not fair to my family. my children do not know any of my family despite us visiting nearly every year because of the dance schedules. they said my kids can hang out at the dance studio. i said no we tried that, and i had to watch my daughter follow around my nieces as they ignored her. it was the saddest thing i’ve ever seen. my family thinks i’m being unreasonable and attacking my nieces for dancing. i told them no i’m not attacking my nieces. i don’t care that they dance. they are very good and it’s not my place to tell them what they should and shouldn’t do. the issue that i kept trying to explain is they can’t take a day off to actually visit with us, so i’m not going to try anymore. as you can imagine, they continued to pile on me and accuse me of dividing the family as my grandma is dying. i just want to know if i’m the asshole here. i want to visit and see them, but i’m not going to compete with their schedules anymore.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i need some help because i started a family feud by only visiting my grandma for one day and then leaving. first a little background: my grandma is dying of cancer and it is spreading rapidly. a month ago she had a year, but now she only has a month maybe two. so we scrapped our original plans of visiting in august and plan on going next week. i was looking forward to spending a few days with my family since we haven’t seen each other in two years. however, my family is very involved in dance. everything revolves around my nieces dance schedule. they practice six days a week for 4-6 hours a day (when they’re done they’re too wore out to do anything), and it’s not cheap. my sisters work multiple jobs to afford the nearly $8,000 yearly fees of dance school. this also makes them unavailable most of the time when we visit. i am visiting during one of their quarterly dance recitals, so they will be at the dance studio the whole time my family and i were visiting. so my wife and i made the decision to only stay for a day to say goodbye to my grandmother. this decision has not gone over very well with my mom and sisters. i explained to them that their schedules make it impossible for us to actually visit, so we decided to just make this trip about grandma. when they kept pressing, i finally let them know what i really think about them. i told them very bluntly that my kids always leave disappointed when we visit because no one can actually take a day off to see us. i pointed out that the trip costs us nearly $1500 dollars. we have 3 big dogs that have to be kenneled, and it’s hard to find a cheap option when your dogs average 110 lbs. yet we pay it nearly every year. i continued to explain that this is not fair to my family. my children do not know any of my family despite us visiting nearly every year because of the dance schedules. they said my kids can hang out at the dance studio. i said no we tried that, and i had to watch my daughter follow around my nieces as they ignored her. it was the saddest thing i’ve ever seen. my family thinks i’m being unreasonable and attacking my nieces for dancing. i told them no i’m not attacking my nieces. i don’t care that they dance. they are very good and it’s not my place to tell them what they should and shouldn’t do. the issue that i kept trying to explain is they can’t take a day off to actually visit with us, so i’m not going to try anymore. as you can imagine, they continued to pile on me and accuse me of dividing the family as my grandma is dying. i just want to know if i’m the asshole here. i want to visit and see them, but i’m not going to compete with their schedules anymore. [/INST] nta. drop the rope, they already have. they want to have their cake and feed it, too, and it's time to look out for your kids' happiness. </s>
AITA for not wanting my sister's dog in my Truck/House?	so i (21/m) have a plethora of siblings, the oldest one being my sister (25/f). her and her boyfriend have chosen to live in a renovated van, a ram promaster. their plan was to travel the country for a few years before eventually settling down, but covid started up right before they had planned to go. they still live in the van, but now currently are bouncing between our families house and her boyfriend's families house. not long after covid started, they got a dog, and now they just bring it everywhere. the dog is nice, but i'm not a dog guy and have very sensitive smell, so i don't really like being around it for too long. it doesn't help that my sister forces it on us constantly. she brings it into the house despite the cats being terrified of it and doesn't take any responsibility for the trouble it causes (it doesn't cause a lot of trouble, but its broken things by accident and 'played with' the cats very roughly a few times). she also doesn't have her own vehicle nor can she drive the van, so she relies on me or my mom to go places, and just brings the dog in the cars with her. i was nice the first few times, but after it scratched up my dashboard and my truck started smelling like dog, i put my foot down and said the dog could no longer be in my truck. she said i was being mean and rude, and that "he is just a puppy, he doesn't know any better". that's true, but i don't give a shit and don't want any damage in my vehicle. now, i recently bought my own house, so i haven't had to put up with the dog as much, but our family is very close so we all see each other often. my sister and my boyfriend have been staying in my drive way every now and then, and despite me telling her she cannot bring her dog into my house and to either leave him in the van or backyard, i came home early the other day and found it sitting on my couch while she was in the kitchen. this pissed me off and i got upset with her and she whined about how "it was cruel to leave him outside", to which i replied no, it wasn't, it's a ~~fucking~~ nice and lovely animal, they are more than happy to frolic out there indefinitely. the whole issue is that she is way too overprotective of the dog (a rottweiler/dobberman mix, by the way), and thinks it needs to be treated like a human child. anyways, i told her to take the dog and scram, took my key back, and told her she is no longer allowed in my house while i'm not around. she got really upset and stormed away, i spoke with her boyfriend and he relented and agreed that she was being ridiculous. they haven't been to my house since and i have received a ton of messages from my other siblings and mom telling me i'm being mean and unreasonable. that was the final straw for me, so i figured i'd come take a public consensus. so, tell me, aita for not wanting my sister's dog in my house or truck?	147	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/meztbo/aita_for_not_wanting_my_sisters_dog_in_my/	2021-03-28 11:37:14	nta. sounds like they got plenty of warnings. i don't like other pets in my home either.	nta. not everyone is a dog person and that is entirely ok. she knew the rules, which weren't even complicated. she can go in, use the bathroom or cook, and then go right back out. if your family is fine with having the dog, they can have her over.	nta your house, your vehicle, your rules. the dog is not their child, it can go play outside if they bring the dog to your place. your sister and her bf are lucky you let them park their van at your place and they , (should have), been grateful you gave them a key. it sounds like the bf is a little more respectful than your sister, at least he agreed with you that your sister was being ridiculous. sucks for them that you took the key back after they abused your hospitality.	nta- forcing animals on people that don’t want them around doesn’t do anyone any favors. it also doesn’t sound like the pup is getting trained properly. i love animals but if a pup comes in and roughs up my cat and sits on my furniture (something my dog isn’t even allowed to do) i wouldn’t welcome them in my home anymore either.	nta - your sister has no respect for your possessions, your house or your car. she should be training the dog and herself for it’s own safety if they are going to go round travelling chances are people are not going be as sympathetic or tolerant of the dog. she bought him into the house and wasn’t even in the same room to watch him whilst he was sitting on your furniture. you’ll get some stick on here for not liking dogs but you have every right to decide if you want a dog in your car or your house.	nta. it’s your house, your rules. she knew the rules and violated them blatantly.	nta: these are things you discuss and agree a) before you bring the dog over and b) renegotiate as you train the dog. not everyone likes every animal; it's polite to take that into account.	nta. you make the rules for your house and car. and nice use of “plethora.”	nta. i hate when people just assume they can bring their dogs everywhere.	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (21/m) have a plethora of siblings, the oldest one being my sister (25/f). her and her boyfriend have chosen to live in a renovated van, a ram promaster. their plan was to travel the country for a few years before eventually settling down, but covid started up right before they had planned to go. they still live in the van, but now currently are bouncing between our families house and her boyfriend's families house. not long after covid started, they got a dog, and now they just bring it everywhere. the dog is nice, but i'm not a dog guy and have very sensitive smell, so i don't really like being around it for too long. it doesn't help that my sister forces it on us constantly. she brings it into the house despite the cats being terrified of it and doesn't take any responsibility for the trouble it causes (it doesn't cause a lot of trouble, but its broken things by accident and 'played with' the cats very roughly a few times). she also doesn't have her own vehicle nor can she drive the van, so she relies on me or my mom to go places, and just brings the dog in the cars with her. i was nice the first few times, but after it scratched up my dashboard and my truck started smelling like dog, i put my foot down and said the dog could no longer be in my truck. she said i was being mean and rude, and that "he is just a puppy, he doesn't know any better". that's true, but i don't give a shit and don't want any damage in my vehicle. now, i recently bought my own house, so i haven't had to put up with the dog as much, but our family is very close so we all see each other often. my sister and my boyfriend have been staying in my drive way every now and then, and despite me telling her she cannot bring her dog into my house and to either leave him in the van or backyard, i came home early the other day and found it sitting on my couch while she was in the kitchen. this pissed me off and i got upset with her and she whined about how "it was cruel to leave him outside", to which i replied no, it wasn't, it's a ~~fucking~~ nice and lovely animal, they are more than happy to frolic out there indefinitely. the whole issue is that she is way too overprotective of the dog (a rottweiler/dobberman mix, by the way), and thinks it needs to be treated like a human child. anyways, i told her to take the dog and scram, took my key back, and told her she is no longer allowed in my house while i'm not around. she got really upset and stormed away, i spoke with her boyfriend and he relented and agreed that she was being ridiculous. they haven't been to my house since and i have received a ton of messages from my other siblings and mom telling me i'm being mean and unreasonable. that was the final straw for me, so i figured i'd come take a public consensus. so, tell me, aita for not wanting my sister's dog in my house or truck?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i (21/m) have a plethora of siblings, the oldest one being my sister (25/f). her and her boyfriend have chosen to live in a renovated van, a ram promaster. their plan was to travel the country for a few years before eventually settling down, but covid started up right before they had planned to go. they still live in the van, but now currently are bouncing between our families house and her boyfriend's families house. not long after covid started, they got a dog, and now they just bring it everywhere. the dog is nice, but i'm not a dog guy and have very sensitive smell, so i don't really like being around it for too long. it doesn't help that my sister forces it on us constantly. she brings it into the house despite the cats being terrified of it and doesn't take any responsibility for the trouble it causes (it doesn't cause a lot of trouble, but its broken things by accident and 'played with' the cats very roughly a few times). she also doesn't have her own vehicle nor can she drive the van, so she relies on me or my mom to go places, and just brings the dog in the cars with her. i was nice the first few times, but after it scratched up my dashboard and my truck started smelling like dog, i put my foot down and said the dog could no longer be in my truck. she said i was being mean and rude, and that "he is just a puppy, he doesn't know any better". that's true, but i don't give a shit and don't want any damage in my vehicle. now, i recently bought my own house, so i haven't had to put up with the dog as much, but our family is very close so we all see each other often. my sister and my boyfriend have been staying in my drive way every now and then, and despite me telling her she cannot bring her dog into my house and to either leave him in the van or backyard, i came home early the other day and found it sitting on my couch while she was in the kitchen. this pissed me off and i got upset with her and she whined about how "it was cruel to leave him outside", to which i replied no, it wasn't, it's a ~~fucking~~ nice and lovely animal, they are more than happy to frolic out there indefinitely. the whole issue is that she is way too overprotective of the dog (a rottweiler/dobberman mix, by the way), and thinks it needs to be treated like a human child. anyways, i told her to take the dog and scram, took my key back, and told her she is no longer allowed in my house while i'm not around. she got really upset and stormed away, i spoke with her boyfriend and he relented and agreed that she was being ridiculous. they haven't been to my house since and i have received a ton of messages from my other siblings and mom telling me i'm being mean and unreasonable. that was the final straw for me, so i figured i'd come take a public consensus. so, tell me, aita for not wanting my sister's dog in my house or truck? [/INST] nta. sounds like they got plenty of warnings. i don't like other pets in my home either. </s>
WIBTA if I called my sister out for being a terrible mom/person?	some backstory: my sister (31f) has a baby at 19 to try and save a failing relationship. big shocker, it didn’t work. baby comes, dad sticks it out for a while then moves back home to ohio (were in pa). sister does the whole single mom thing for a bit, but meets a guy and decides she’d rather go out and party every night with him then spend time home with a kid so she gives full custody of my nephew to his dad around his second birthday. (luckily dad stepped up and my nephew is a happy healthy adorable 10 year old). cut to 2 years ago and my sister announces she’s pregnant. she tells everyone how happy she is and how she can’t wait to be “a real mom” and that this is going to be her “second chance” baby. the baby is born and for a while she seems to be doing well, she was working hard and focused on raising her son. now he’s 2, and a bit of a handful (as all toddlers are) and her temper with him has been getting shorter and shorter. she constantly snaps at him or will come home from work and put him right to bed so that she doesn’t have to deal with him. she also has started seeing someone. this guy lives in pittsburgh (nowhere near where we live) and she has been driving out to see him more and more often. when she goes out there she leaves my nephew at his babysitters for days at a time without telling anyone where he is until after the fact. i think it’s incredibly dangerous for her to be leaving him with someone who doesn’t have any of our contact information and no one in my family even knows her name let alone how to get ahold of her in case of an emergency. we’ve all said something to her but of course she just rolls her eyes and ignores everyone. she just got back from a 4 day trip to pittsburgh where my nephew spent the whole time at his babysitters (unbeknownst to us- she swore he was with her until she got home an hour ago and admitted he was at the sitters) and then texted me and my sister about plans for her birthday next weekend where she intends to send the baby to the sitter for another 3 days. i am not comfortable going out for her bday knowing my nephew is being shipped off so that she can party, and am planning to offer to babysit instead of going out with her, but i know it’ll cause a huge thing because that’s just how she is. but after everything that happened with her first son and now watching all these things unfold with nephew number 2 i find it hard to constantly bite my tongue. would i be an asshole for calling her out for being a terrible mom/person?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f1tfhf/wibta_if_i_called_my_sister_out_for_being_a/	2020-02-10 17:17:13	nta, just call cps	nta. is it possible for this child's dad to take full custody? otherwise i'd let her have it. and if she doesn't change i'd call cps on her. god knows what kind of people she pawns her kid off on and what he experiences there.	nta. those kids need a mom. sounds like your sister wants to be a teenager with no responsibility. i would call cps.. inform them try telling your sister it's time to grow up or she will lose her kids.	nta, what the actual fuck, she already neglected her first child and now she's doing the same with her second child? what kind of selfish monster she is?	nta - i think it’s time to call cps. she’s not providing a healthy environment.	so i think you’re nta and your sister is because she doesn’t seem to care to be a mom except when it’s convenient. i don’t necessarily think the babysitter watching the kid for days at a time is bad if the babysitter is certified in safety trainings, being paid adequately, and the baby is safe. plenty of people basically pay nannies to raise their kids for them.	just... wow. this is some insane/shitty/trashy parenting. i'm shocked no one has called cps or your local alternative. no, nta in any way for wanting to protect your nephew.	nta is the theme on this sub this week, “younger siblings being annoyed with their older, irresponsible siblings ??”	if it weren’t for my nephew i wouldn’t care at all what she did tbh. i’ve just watched her basically abandon one child and it feels like she’s falling back into the same pattern as before with nephew #2. as much as i love my sister i love those little boys more and i’m going to put them first if she isn’t willing to.	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: some backstory: my sister (31f) has a baby at 19 to try and save a failing relationship. big shocker, it didn’t work. baby comes, dad sticks it out for a while then moves back home to ohio (were in pa). sister does the whole single mom thing for a bit, but meets a guy and decides she’d rather go out and party every night with him then spend time home with a kid so she gives full custody of my nephew to his dad around his second birthday. (luckily dad stepped up and my nephew is a happy healthy adorable 10 year old). cut to 2 years ago and my sister announces she’s pregnant. she tells everyone how happy she is and how she can’t wait to be “a real mom” and that this is going to be her “second chance” baby. the baby is born and for a while she seems to be doing well, she was working hard and focused on raising her son. now he’s 2, and a bit of a handful (as all toddlers are) and her temper with him has been getting shorter and shorter. she constantly snaps at him or will come home from work and put him right to bed so that she doesn’t have to deal with him. she also has started seeing someone. this guy lives in pittsburgh (nowhere near where we live) and she has been driving out to see him more and more often. when she goes out there she leaves my nephew at his babysitters for days at a time without telling anyone where he is until after the fact. i think it’s incredibly dangerous for her to be leaving him with someone who doesn’t have any of our contact information and no one in my family even knows her name let alone how to get ahold of her in case of an emergency. we’ve all said something to her but of course she just rolls her eyes and ignores everyone. she just got back from a 4 day trip to pittsburgh where my nephew spent the whole time at his babysitters (unbeknownst to us- she swore he was with her until she got home an hour ago and admitted he was at the sitters) and then texted me and my sister about plans for her birthday next weekend where she intends to send the baby to the sitter for another 3 days. i am not comfortable going out for her bday knowing my nephew is being shipped off so that she can party, and am planning to offer to babysit instead of going out with her, but i know it’ll cause a huge thing because that’s just how she is. but after everything that happened with her first son and now watching all these things unfold with nephew number 2 i find it hard to constantly bite my tongue. would i be an asshole for calling her out for being a terrible mom/person?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> some backstory: my sister (31f) has a baby at 19 to try and save a failing relationship. big shocker, it didn’t work. baby comes, dad sticks it out for a while then moves back home to ohio (were in pa). sister does the whole single mom thing for a bit, but meets a guy and decides she’d rather go out and party every night with him then spend time home with a kid so she gives full custody of my nephew to his dad around his second birthday. (luckily dad stepped up and my nephew is a happy healthy adorable 10 year old). cut to 2 years ago and my sister announces she’s pregnant. she tells everyone how happy she is and how she can’t wait to be “a real mom” and that this is going to be her “second chance” baby. the baby is born and for a while she seems to be doing well, she was working hard and focused on raising her son. now he’s 2, and a bit of a handful (as all toddlers are) and her temper with him has been getting shorter and shorter. she constantly snaps at him or will come home from work and put him right to bed so that she doesn’t have to deal with him. she also has started seeing someone. this guy lives in pittsburgh (nowhere near where we live) and she has been driving out to see him more and more often. when she goes out there she leaves my nephew at his babysitters for days at a time without telling anyone where he is until after the fact. i think it’s incredibly dangerous for her to be leaving him with someone who doesn’t have any of our contact information and no one in my family even knows her name let alone how to get ahold of her in case of an emergency. we’ve all said something to her but of course she just rolls her eyes and ignores everyone. she just got back from a 4 day trip to pittsburgh where my nephew spent the whole time at his babysitters (unbeknownst to us- she swore he was with her until she got home an hour ago and admitted he was at the sitters) and then texted me and my sister about plans for her birthday next weekend where she intends to send the baby to the sitter for another 3 days. i am not comfortable going out for her bday knowing my nephew is being shipped off so that she can party, and am planning to offer to babysit instead of going out with her, but i know it’ll cause a huge thing because that’s just how she is. but after everything that happened with her first son and now watching all these things unfold with nephew number 2 i find it hard to constantly bite my tongue. would i be an asshole for calling her out for being a terrible mom/person? [/INST] nta, just call cps </s>
AITA for asking my uncle to change his name on GoodReads	there are 8 people in the world with the same last name as me (at least with the exact spelling). and every single one of them is closely related to me by blood. with so few of us, it is a bit inevitable that when you search up one, you get search results about the others. an un-fun fact i found when i searched up my mom to find out how long she worked at her current company (her coworker asked and they could only confirm how long she was in their department). on the first page of results was my uncle's goodreads. he and i are friends on facebook, so when i found it (under his full name, from full first to middle to last) i didn't think anything of checking it out. now, i get that people have different things they're into. and really as long as everyone is a consenting adult, then i figure it's not my business. however, most of the books on his read list were incest smut. a lot were nonconsensual. all of them were ones i wouldn't want to know my uncle was reading. why did i keep looking you might ask? because apparently i wanted to suffer. and morbid curiosity. anyway maybe i'm being a bit of a prude about this. but i don't love how easy it was to find. or that it came up when searching my mom, not him. meaning it probably comes up when you search for me, even if it isn't on the first page of results. i have always been careful about what i post online. i never really thought to consider what my family posts online and how easily we are connected with a search. i mean, like i said maybe i'm being a prude about this, but i don't really want friends, employers, etc. searching me up and finding my uncle's kinks instead. these ones in particular. so, i sent him a message on facebook asking if he could use a shortened version of his last name (like he literally does on facebook). and let him know how easily it came up and suggested that he may not want his coworkers to find those things either. and he got so mad at me. he said it wasn't any of my business. that i didn't have a right to tell him what to do. that if i was so concerned about it, i should just change my name. and that his "followers" would be confused if he changed his name on there. my aunt then sent me a text saying that it was inappropriate to look at his goodreads and that i wouldn't want him going through my room, so why did i think it was okay to go through his things. but it isn't like it was personal, private property. it's a public account on the internet with his real, full name. they host christmas at their house every year and this year i have been uninvited. i don't even really want to go, we have a variety of other issues that are not really related (not that this helps). so, it isn't like i feel like i'm missing out, but the level of their reaction is making me wonder if i was ta for bringing it up and asking him to use a shortened version of his (our) last name.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z2f4yh/aita_for_asking_my_uncle_to_change_his_name_on/	2022-11-23 04:21:39	nta, maybe he didn't know it was publicly visible and you embarrassed him? instead of changing his name, maybe he could change the settings on the account so only his followers can see it. if he's into that, and his wife knows, it's not a big leap to think he's into other weird stuff too.	going with nta but good grief, what an awkward situation... a couple of observations/thoughts: - if his reasoning for not wanting to change his name on goodreads is because his "followers will be confused," it's pretty clear he's perfectly aware of the content visibility and does not care that it's public. - if i found out my uncle was into all that, i'd probably be grateful to have my family christmas invitation revoked. hell, i'd probably uninvite myself.	oh my gosh, how do these people not know that everything on his goodreads is public! this is the most infuriating thing! nta	nta. presumably this would come up somewhere near the top if you googled yourself. no one wants incest rape porn coming up when you google your name. point out to your aunt and uncle that posts on the internet are not a diary and everything his posted is openly available for public view to anyone who googles their name. if they are happy for this open discussion, maybe they would like for you to bring up his reading habits in front of the whole family at christmas. especially since clearly he's not worried about his privacy and is happy to tell the whole world about it.	why are so many people glossing over the fact that he reads incest rape porn, where one book has the character as a child?!?!?? it's like a bad lolita. goodreads popping up would have been fine, except this content includes very illegal stuff. of course op doesn't want to be associated with it. yeah it's not him, but some employers are wacko enough to not realize that or care. and sure, op can change name, but they would still possibly pop up when anyone is searched. also, if op's name is on the work site, they cannot change their name. the employer might not allow it without explanation, and then all of this would have to be explained. and that could still lead to a negative connection with op and his family depending on the employer. we should be concerned with the content the uncle is into.	nta - but your uncle with an incest kink is hosting a family holiday? maybe tell your parents.	nta. i'm super petty though so i would send his gr account to everyone in the family letting them know he's a big f-ing creep.	nta. more importantly, does your uncle realize then that if anyone searches for his name, the first thing that will come up will be incest noncon porn? and is he and his wife ok with that? while some people might think what your uncle does is none of your business, if your uncle is perfectly fine to do all that under his full legal name, cutting you out of his life might’ve been the universe doing you a favour. imagine a potential employer doing a basic google search for a candidate and finding this out	please update us when they have to explain _why_ you're not there at christmas. do people saying y t a think op now has to lie in the future or back up the lie they tell for why op isn't there? nta for bringing it up since you left it at that, especially since i wonder if either aunt or uncle truly understand what public on the internet means.	info: why is it a problem exactly? that someone with the same last name as you has a somewhat embarrassing google result? that might come up when googling your name because you haven’t even confirmed that it will? if your name were more common and even worse things came up - would you still care? i am still unclear what you’re even upset about.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	INFO	0.074074	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: there are 8 people in the world with the same last name as me (at least with the exact spelling). and every single one of them is closely related to me by blood. with so few of us, it is a bit inevitable that when you search up one, you get search results about the others. an un-fun fact i found when i searched up my mom to find out how long she worked at her current company (her coworker asked and they could only confirm how long she was in their department). on the first page of results was my uncle's goodreads. he and i are friends on facebook, so when i found it (under his full name, from full first to middle to last) i didn't think anything of checking it out. now, i get that people have different things they're into. and really as long as everyone is a consenting adult, then i figure it's not my business. however, most of the books on his read list were incest smut. a lot were nonconsensual. all of them were ones i wouldn't want to know my uncle was reading. why did i keep looking you might ask? because apparently i wanted to suffer. and morbid curiosity. anyway maybe i'm being a bit of a prude about this. but i don't love how easy it was to find. or that it came up when searching my mom, not him. meaning it probably comes up when you search for me, even if it isn't on the first page of results. i have always been careful about what i post online. i never really thought to consider what my family posts online and how easily we are connected with a search. i mean, like i said maybe i'm being a prude about this, but i don't really want friends, employers, etc. searching me up and finding my uncle's kinks instead. these ones in particular. so, i sent him a message on facebook asking if he could use a shortened version of his last name (like he literally does on facebook). and let him know how easily it came up and suggested that he may not want his coworkers to find those things either. and he got so mad at me. he said it wasn't any of my business. that i didn't have a right to tell him what to do. that if i was so concerned about it, i should just change my name. and that his "followers" would be confused if he changed his name on there. my aunt then sent me a text saying that it was inappropriate to look at his goodreads and that i wouldn't want him going through my room, so why did i think it was okay to go through his things. but it isn't like it was personal, private property. it's a public account on the internet with his real, full name. they host christmas at their house every year and this year i have been uninvited. i don't even really want to go, we have a variety of other issues that are not really related (not that this helps). so, it isn't like i feel like i'm missing out, but the level of their reaction is making me wonder if i was ta for bringing it up and asking him to use a shortened version of his (our) last name.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> there are 8 people in the world with the same last name as me (at least with the exact spelling). and every single one of them is closely related to me by blood. with so few of us, it is a bit inevitable that when you search up one, you get search results about the others. an un-fun fact i found when i searched up my mom to find out how long she worked at her current company (her coworker asked and they could only confirm how long she was in their department). on the first page of results was my uncle's goodreads. he and i are friends on facebook, so when i found it (under his full name, from full first to middle to last) i didn't think anything of checking it out. now, i get that people have different things they're into. and really as long as everyone is a consenting adult, then i figure it's not my business. however, most of the books on his read list were incest smut. a lot were nonconsensual. all of them were ones i wouldn't want to know my uncle was reading. why did i keep looking you might ask? because apparently i wanted to suffer. and morbid curiosity. anyway maybe i'm being a bit of a prude about this. but i don't love how easy it was to find. or that it came up when searching my mom, not him. meaning it probably comes up when you search for me, even if it isn't on the first page of results. i have always been careful about what i post online. i never really thought to consider what my family posts online and how easily we are connected with a search. i mean, like i said maybe i'm being a prude about this, but i don't really want friends, employers, etc. searching me up and finding my uncle's kinks instead. these ones in particular. so, i sent him a message on facebook asking if he could use a shortened version of his last name (like he literally does on facebook). and let him know how easily it came up and suggested that he may not want his coworkers to find those things either. and he got so mad at me. he said it wasn't any of my business. that i didn't have a right to tell him what to do. that if i was so concerned about it, i should just change my name. and that his "followers" would be confused if he changed his name on there. my aunt then sent me a text saying that it was inappropriate to look at his goodreads and that i wouldn't want him going through my room, so why did i think it was okay to go through his things. but it isn't like it was personal, private property. it's a public account on the internet with his real, full name. they host christmas at their house every year and this year i have been uninvited. i don't even really want to go, we have a variety of other issues that are not really related (not that this helps). so, it isn't like i feel like i'm missing out, but the level of their reaction is making me wonder if i was ta for bringing it up and asking him to use a shortened version of his (our) last name. [/INST] nta, maybe he didn't know it was publicly visible and you embarrassed him? instead of changing his name, maybe he could change the settings on the account so only his followers can see it. if he's into that, and his wife knows, it's not a big leap to think he's into other weird stuff too. </s>
AITA for being pissed with my friend because of a missing camera?	three months ago a close friend (f23) of mine (f25) moved in a flat with me. i am the main tenant and have been living there for the past three years. when she moved in she started inviting many people over (her friends and friends of friends) during the day and in the evenings and since i am now finishing my masters i decided to just leave to my familys summer house in another country and work from there. i thought it was a good compromise for the both of us. i came back a week ago and found that my extremely expensive and valuable camera is missing, i was visibly distressed and searched for it everywhere. flatmate comes home and i tell her it is gone and she gets angry at me telling me i am probably the one who misplaced it and that no one could have taken it. she then asked me if i think it was her who took it being really offended. i in no way implied that it was her but in my opinion it was her responsibility to look after the flat and the people she invited over while i was gone. now she is pretending like nothing happened and i am so shocked and feel like i might be crazy for reacting the way a did.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o5olft/aita_for_being_pissed_with_my_friend_because_of_a/	2021-06-22 14:36:15	nta, anyone who reacts that defensively right away is definitely guilty in some way	nta. she is almost gaslighting you. i’d double check all of your other valuables and financials right away.	nta. if you believe she didn't take it, then most likely either someone visiting took it, or she broke it and hid it. either way, she knows what happened to it.	nta you can be pissed but you can prove who or when. you need to start locking up you valuables as they aren't safe when you aren't there. lesson learned?	tell her to replace it or you will not only evict her but also take her to small claims court	[deleted]	nta one of our housemates used to "borrow" our stuff to pawn when he ran out of money and then get it back on payday. it was bloomin annoying even when he did manage to get it back. and if it wasn't your roommate, it was one of her guests. that makes her responsible to keep them out of your space and away from your things.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: three months ago a close friend (f23) of mine (f25) moved in a flat with me. i am the main tenant and have been living there for the past three years. when she moved in she started inviting many people over (her friends and friends of friends) during the day and in the evenings and since i am now finishing my masters i decided to just leave to my familys summer house in another country and work from there. i thought it was a good compromise for the both of us. i came back a week ago and found that my extremely expensive and valuable camera is missing, i was visibly distressed and searched for it everywhere. flatmate comes home and i tell her it is gone and she gets angry at me telling me i am probably the one who misplaced it and that no one could have taken it. she then asked me if i think it was her who took it being really offended. i in no way implied that it was her but in my opinion it was her responsibility to look after the flat and the people she invited over while i was gone. now she is pretending like nothing happened and i am so shocked and feel like i might be crazy for reacting the way a did.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> three months ago a close friend (f23) of mine (f25) moved in a flat with me. i am the main tenant and have been living there for the past three years. when she moved in she started inviting many people over (her friends and friends of friends) during the day and in the evenings and since i am now finishing my masters i decided to just leave to my familys summer house in another country and work from there. i thought it was a good compromise for the both of us. i came back a week ago and found that my extremely expensive and valuable camera is missing, i was visibly distressed and searched for it everywhere. flatmate comes home and i tell her it is gone and she gets angry at me telling me i am probably the one who misplaced it and that no one could have taken it. she then asked me if i think it was her who took it being really offended. i in no way implied that it was her but in my opinion it was her responsibility to look after the flat and the people she invited over while i was gone. now she is pretending like nothing happened and i am so shocked and feel like i might be crazy for reacting the way a did. [/INST] nta, anyone who reacts that defensively right away is definitely guilty in some way </s>
AITA for storming out of a restaurant?	thursday nights are our date nights. i look forward to it as an opportunity for romance with my bf. tonight, we were supposed to meet at 7:30 for dinner. but, he went to an event before, that i declined to attend. at 7, he asked to move the reservation to 7:45. ok, no problem. then, he said 8. when he arrived at 8:15, he told me that actually, they served delicious food at the event and he wasn’t hungry. so, he would still sit there while i ate and then pay for it. i was very hurt and angry and left. he doesn’t understand. for me, a romantic date is not to have my bf eat beforehand and watch me eat abs then pay. he says that i’m unreasonable and inflexible. so, am i the a-hole?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r7ne3i/aita_for_storming_out_of_a_restaurant/	2021-12-03 01:58:57	nta, he's the ah, not so much for eating before hand but for him being 45min late because he was eating beforehand. he had a dinner date with you.	nta. i understand wanting to go to the event but why did he not suggest rescheduling date night so he wouldn’t be late and have you eat by yourself?	nta. if this event was this important, he should have asked to move the date night entirely, or he should have held his ground and kept his plans with you.	need more context. you are not giving any details on this other event. if it was just drinks with the boys nta. but if this was something say work related that he had to attend, you might be being a bit unreasonable.	nta he knew he had plans and decides to blow you off to do something else. rude!	it's extremely awkward to sit there waiting for your date in a restaurant like that. being 15 minutes late when you pushed the time back twice already is bad. being late for a dinner date because you're eating at another event is extremely inconsiderate. expecting someone to eat while you watch is also not a social event - the person eating is rushed, having someone watch you eat is awkward. storming out is rarely worth it, if you can help it - it just earns the other person sympathy, and makes them feel justified. a good icy calm while you walk out is better - it puts people on the defensive. nta, of course. he needs to try harder.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: thursday nights are our date nights. i look forward to it as an opportunity for romance with my bf. tonight, we were supposed to meet at 7:30 for dinner. but, he went to an event before, that i declined to attend. at 7, he asked to move the reservation to 7:45. ok, no problem. then, he said 8. when he arrived at 8:15, he told me that actually, they served delicious food at the event and he wasn’t hungry. so, he would still sit there while i ate and then pay for it. i was very hurt and angry and left. he doesn’t understand. for me, a romantic date is not to have my bf eat beforehand and watch me eat abs then pay. he says that i’m unreasonable and inflexible. so, am i the a-hole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> thursday nights are our date nights. i look forward to it as an opportunity for romance with my bf. tonight, we were supposed to meet at 7:30 for dinner. but, he went to an event before, that i declined to attend. at 7, he asked to move the reservation to 7:45. ok, no problem. then, he said 8. when he arrived at 8:15, he told me that actually, they served delicious food at the event and he wasn’t hungry. so, he would still sit there while i ate and then pay for it. i was very hurt and angry and left. he doesn’t understand. for me, a romantic date is not to have my bf eat beforehand and watch me eat abs then pay. he says that i’m unreasonable and inflexible. so, am i the a-hole? [/INST] nta, he's the ah, not so much for eating before hand but for him being 45min late because he was eating beforehand. he had a dinner date with you. </s>
AITA for agreeing someone is fat?	my sister and i grew up with my mom who wasn’t the best cook so we ate fast food and unhealthy stuff. so we were fat in middle school and high school. my mom blamed our weight on the family genes and told us we were just meant to be that way. in college i had 4 dorm friends who were all skinny and they ate significantly less than me even though they put on the freshman 15. from eating like them even thought they didn’t eat the healthiest i dropped almost 50 pounds and then after college i began really eating healthy because my bf ate pretty healthy too and could cook healthy food in a tasty way i lost another 50-60 pounds. so now i’m a healthy weight but my family always finds ways to skinny shame me. they ask sarcastically if i want to be over for christmas because i don’t ever eat anything, which isn’t true i just eat a normal portion not 3 portions. my sister doesn’t invite me to shopping trips anymore because they are only going to the plus sized stores and why would i want to come? then there’s the are you sick or do you secretly have an eating disorder questions? i’ve reduced my interactions because i’m sick of their jabs. recently we had a post pandemic get together and i came to the bbq with kebabs to grill and got a ton of passive aggressive insults for bringing rabbit food. the kebabs have meat on them but they also have mushrooms and bell peppers and my family hate veggies. whatever i never forced them to eat anything. my sister was talking and then moved to talking about she gained weight and had gotten fatter during the pandemic. she had i could tell and i didn’t comment but everyone rushed to tell her she had actually lost weight and she looked amazing. then she turned to me and in a fishing for compliments way asked if she had gained weight. i told her she looked good but ya she had put weight on and everyone freaked out like i had exposed some horrible secret. i don’t see the problem because she had clearly put on weight and if she didn’t want anyone commenting on them then she shouldn’t talk about it. my sister and my mom are angry because i insulted her in front of the whole party.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v3grfh/aita_for_agreeing_someone_is_fat/	2022-06-02 19:27:57	nta she asked you answered honestly they tell you about your weight, i see no difference	nta. people really don't like it when you prove their "fat runs in the family" thing wrong and will find every way to make you into a villain for not engaging in overeating or junk binges.	nta. skinny shaming is a real thing, many people use their insecurities and jealousy to outright attack people. when i lost half my body weight people made comments such as “do you even eat carbs anymore” “don’t loose too much weight” “you can eat what you want because your soooo skinny” sorry but you told them the truth. you represent something they don’t have - willpower and determination and discipline to make changes they’re in denial and jealous of you and so they are attacking you instead to make themselves feel better. good on you for reducing your interactions just remember if they don’t like you whatever size you are then it’s more than just them having a problem with your weight. it’s who is inside that counts not size	nta. i am a fat person. fat is descriptor, nothing else. it sucks people think it means ugly, lazy, sloppy, etc, but it's just fat. she shouldn't have been fishing for complimentary lies. op, your kebabs sound yummy 😋, and i'm sorry your family is acting insecure because of your weight loss. hopefully they eventually realize that it's their problem, not yours.	nta, she asked for your input and you responded respectfully. they are tah for insulting your weight loss.	you didn't "insult" her, you answered the question she asked you. nta	nta. fat culture is a thing in fat families. they resent and dislike people who manage their weight to a healthy level. they try to sabotage you. it becomes bullying. they want you to be as miserable and unattractive as they are. maybe don't engage in food related meetings with them. just as you wouldn't attend drinking parties with people who over-serve themselves with alcohol, then get mad when you stop after 2 glasses of wine.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister and i grew up with my mom who wasn’t the best cook so we ate fast food and unhealthy stuff. so we were fat in middle school and high school. my mom blamed our weight on the family genes and told us we were just meant to be that way. in college i had 4 dorm friends who were all skinny and they ate significantly less than me even though they put on the freshman 15. from eating like them even thought they didn’t eat the healthiest i dropped almost 50 pounds and then after college i began really eating healthy because my bf ate pretty healthy too and could cook healthy food in a tasty way i lost another 50-60 pounds. so now i’m a healthy weight but my family always finds ways to skinny shame me. they ask sarcastically if i want to be over for christmas because i don’t ever eat anything, which isn’t true i just eat a normal portion not 3 portions. my sister doesn’t invite me to shopping trips anymore because they are only going to the plus sized stores and why would i want to come? then there’s the are you sick or do you secretly have an eating disorder questions? i’ve reduced my interactions because i’m sick of their jabs. recently we had a post pandemic get together and i came to the bbq with kebabs to grill and got a ton of passive aggressive insults for bringing rabbit food. the kebabs have meat on them but they also have mushrooms and bell peppers and my family hate veggies. whatever i never forced them to eat anything. my sister was talking and then moved to talking about she gained weight and had gotten fatter during the pandemic. she had i could tell and i didn’t comment but everyone rushed to tell her she had actually lost weight and she looked amazing. then she turned to me and in a fishing for compliments way asked if she had gained weight. i told her she looked good but ya she had put weight on and everyone freaked out like i had exposed some horrible secret. i don’t see the problem because she had clearly put on weight and if she didn’t want anyone commenting on them then she shouldn’t talk about it. my sister and my mom are angry because i insulted her in front of the whole party.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my sister and i grew up with my mom who wasn’t the best cook so we ate fast food and unhealthy stuff. so we were fat in middle school and high school. my mom blamed our weight on the family genes and told us we were just meant to be that way. in college i had 4 dorm friends who were all skinny and they ate significantly less than me even though they put on the freshman 15. from eating like them even thought they didn’t eat the healthiest i dropped almost 50 pounds and then after college i began really eating healthy because my bf ate pretty healthy too and could cook healthy food in a tasty way i lost another 50-60 pounds. so now i’m a healthy weight but my family always finds ways to skinny shame me. they ask sarcastically if i want to be over for christmas because i don’t ever eat anything, which isn’t true i just eat a normal portion not 3 portions. my sister doesn’t invite me to shopping trips anymore because they are only going to the plus sized stores and why would i want to come? then there’s the are you sick or do you secretly have an eating disorder questions? i’ve reduced my interactions because i’m sick of their jabs. recently we had a post pandemic get together and i came to the bbq with kebabs to grill and got a ton of passive aggressive insults for bringing rabbit food. the kebabs have meat on them but they also have mushrooms and bell peppers and my family hate veggies. whatever i never forced them to eat anything. my sister was talking and then moved to talking about she gained weight and had gotten fatter during the pandemic. she had i could tell and i didn’t comment but everyone rushed to tell her she had actually lost weight and she looked amazing. then she turned to me and in a fishing for compliments way asked if she had gained weight. i told her she looked good but ya she had put weight on and everyone freaked out like i had exposed some horrible secret. i don’t see the problem because she had clearly put on weight and if she didn’t want anyone commenting on them then she shouldn’t talk about it. my sister and my mom are angry because i insulted her in front of the whole party. [/INST] nta she asked you answered honestly they tell you about your weight, i see no difference </s>
WIBTA for telling my parents I don't want to buy a gun?	i have a feeling that i'm not the a hole here but because of my astounding mental health i need someone else to tell me i'm not i guess. both of my parents are on felony probation, for things that happened years ago. they are both on very straight paths these days and they've really turned their lives around. i just turned 21 and had my first divorce so i'm temporarily living with them until i can get back on my feet. with everything happening in the world right now my parents think it would be a good idea for me to purchase a pistol to have in our house in case of emergencies since they are felons and cannot own one. they've cleared this with both of their parole officers and it's basically up to me to just go out and buy one now. but i don't want to. i have bipolar disorder and i'm still constantly working on my mental health. sometimes manic episodes cause me to go haywire and other times the depression is so bad that convenient access to a loaded pistol is well, not ideal. they are both aware of the bipolar but i don't really think they understand how bad it is and how bad of an idea me owning a gun would be. but i've felt too bad about saying no to approach them and tell them these things. i'm by no means mad at them or anything, i just think a lack of understanding exists and i'm too scared to talk about my feelings. last thing, i know this probably sounds crazy or fake, but it's not. i just need reassurance that i'm doing the right or wrong thing. thanks	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iomgby/wibta_for_telling_my_parents_i_dont_want_to_buy_a/	2020-09-08 03:39:46	nta. i am pro-second amendment, but the situation you’re describing is a perfect storm of “shouldn’t have a gun” circumstances. your instincts about it being a bad idea seem pretty clear. also, it sounds more like they want to use you to circumvent their restriction than they actually think you should have one. also, if you were to get one and something happened, you could also be liable for allowing them access to it. the priority here is your safety, and you seem to know that this is a bad idea in that regard. you are right to follow that feeling.	nta - 1) your mental health comes first. 2) have you considered asking your parents if you can speak to each of their parole officers in person because you want to confirm this? because if you're being lied to, and buy that gun - the number of felons in your house is going to go up to 3... 3)your mental health comes first.	nta on the gun but i'm a little concerned by your choice of phrase: "i just turned 21 and had my first divorce" dude - you do know you're not supposed to plan multiples of these, right?	nta! it can be the hardest thing in the world to stand up for yourself to your parents who you live with, so i'm here to pump you up! my girlfriend comes from a big gun family, and i come from a long family history of depression. i remember one of our first dates was her father taking us out hunting. this is with the caveat that i've gotten help and feel much better now, but at the time all i could think about holding that gun in my hand was putting it to my head and pulling the trigger. i get how serious it is, and i think it's hard for people who don't struggle like this to understand. that being said, i also get that feeling bad can make it hard for you to stand up for yourself. i'm hoping knowing that it is important to your safety to not have access to a gun will be helpful. my girlfriend still has guns in the house, but they're always in a safe that opens with a code i don't know. i was able to compromise that way because i never have to touch the gun. however, i don't know if that'll work for you because you'd actually have to physically go out and pick up the thing. if there's no possible compromise where you feel safe, stand your ground! your safety is the most important element in this situation, hands down. good luck, and i'm rooting for you!	nta. i’m all for gun ownership but i’m also for understanding yourself. from your own description i highly recommend something else for home defense. like a good baseball bat or bear spray. if you can have pets a small dog that barks is a good idea, too. obviously only if you have the time and inclination to take proper care of it.	nta. you are keeping yourself and others safe by not purchasing a gun and that's the right thing. i hope you can find the courage to explain to your parents why you don't want to get one and i hope they respect your decision.	nta, please don't go out and buy a gun.	nta and you don't need to worry about this because on the atf form 4473 (federal app to purchase a firearm) a few questions down from the question that prohibits your parents from owning firearms (the one that asks if you are a felon) you will need to answer that yes, you've been diagnosed with bipolar, a serious mental illness... which will mean your application to purchase a firearm will be denied.	please. they didn’t clear it with their parole officers. they’re lying	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a feeling that i'm not the a hole here but because of my astounding mental health i need someone else to tell me i'm not i guess. both of my parents are on felony probation, for things that happened years ago. they are both on very straight paths these days and they've really turned their lives around. i just turned 21 and had my first divorce so i'm temporarily living with them until i can get back on my feet. with everything happening in the world right now my parents think it would be a good idea for me to purchase a pistol to have in our house in case of emergencies since they are felons and cannot own one. they've cleared this with both of their parole officers and it's basically up to me to just go out and buy one now. but i don't want to. i have bipolar disorder and i'm still constantly working on my mental health. sometimes manic episodes cause me to go haywire and other times the depression is so bad that convenient access to a loaded pistol is well, not ideal. they are both aware of the bipolar but i don't really think they understand how bad it is and how bad of an idea me owning a gun would be. but i've felt too bad about saying no to approach them and tell them these things. i'm by no means mad at them or anything, i just think a lack of understanding exists and i'm too scared to talk about my feelings. last thing, i know this probably sounds crazy or fake, but it's not. i just need reassurance that i'm doing the right or wrong thing. thanks	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i have a feeling that i'm not the a hole here but because of my astounding mental health i need someone else to tell me i'm not i guess. both of my parents are on felony probation, for things that happened years ago. they are both on very straight paths these days and they've really turned their lives around. i just turned 21 and had my first divorce so i'm temporarily living with them until i can get back on my feet. with everything happening in the world right now my parents think it would be a good idea for me to purchase a pistol to have in our house in case of emergencies since they are felons and cannot own one. they've cleared this with both of their parole officers and it's basically up to me to just go out and buy one now. but i don't want to. i have bipolar disorder and i'm still constantly working on my mental health. sometimes manic episodes cause me to go haywire and other times the depression is so bad that convenient access to a loaded pistol is well, not ideal. they are both aware of the bipolar but i don't really think they understand how bad it is and how bad of an idea me owning a gun would be. but i've felt too bad about saying no to approach them and tell them these things. i'm by no means mad at them or anything, i just think a lack of understanding exists and i'm too scared to talk about my feelings. last thing, i know this probably sounds crazy or fake, but it's not. i just need reassurance that i'm doing the right or wrong thing. thanks [/INST] nta. i am pro-second amendment, but the situation you’re describing is a perfect storm of “shouldn’t have a gun” circumstances. your instincts about it being a bad idea seem pretty clear. also, it sounds more like they want to use you to circumvent their restriction than they actually think you should have one. also, if you were to get one and something happened, you could also be liable for allowing them access to it. the priority here is your safety, and you seem to know that this is a bad idea in that regard. you are right to follow that feeling. </s>
AITA for jokingly suggesting that my gf (23f) should propose to me (24m)?	me and my girlfriend have been dating for going on 6 years now, and we’re both about to finish grad school so obviously we’re looking towards the future and the kind of stuff like getting married which we agreed we wanted to do. so we took a walk and i was doing the [vince mcmahon power walk](https://youtu.be/rlbud3r1y3i) and i jokingly suggested that that’s how i’m gonna walk down the aisle when at the wedding . she said oh you know that it’s the bride who walks down the aisle and i said oh yea i forgot about that but why can’t i be the one who walks down the aisle (obviously i was joking). she laughed and said what’s next, you want me to propose to you as well? and i said well why not? men are the prize 🤪 (obviously joking), i’m a fan of opal so if you get me a ring then make sure that that’s in the ring. again if anyone couldn’t tell i’m joking but obviously she couldn’t because she started acting really strangely and said that that’s weird and i should get that idea out of my head cause it’s not gonna happen. i just shrugged and said ok. yesterday she got her nose piercing in the mail and it had a really nice looking opal stone on it and i jokingly said it’d look nice on a ring. she just sighed and shook her head. well this morning she sat me down and said she had something she wanted to talk to me about. she asked if i’m gay. i was confused and asked what this is about and she said all this talk about stones and rings is giving her some red flags. i said i was just joking about that but no i’m not gay. she asked if i’m bisexual and i said no i’m obviously not and that’s very disrespectful of her to ask. she said are you sure? and i said yes i’m sure about it now please screw off and quit asking and she said don’t talk to me like that i was asking a valid question because guys aren’t supposed to be proposed to. and again i said why not? and she said that that’s just how it’s supposed to be and i said according to who? then she threw up her hands and said she’s done with this argument and went for a walk. was i really the asshole here? i’m not really sure how it turned into this big thing like i wasn’t serious about any of it and even if i was i don’t think it should’ve elicited this response from her..	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ggjtpx/aita_for_jokingly_suggesting_that_my_gf_23f/	2020-05-09 17:39:12	nta. she was being both sexist and homophobic in one fell swoop! dingdingding she wins! even if u weren't joking then guys can want to be proposed to?? and so what if ur bi, would she not want to be with you anymore? she had no right to ask or be mad, and u had every right to be upset she did	nta i feel like from the was you wrote it down, that it was clear that you are joking. and why can’t man like ceratin types of stones without being gay or bisexual. the red flag in the story is she questioning your sexuality.	fellas is it gay to want to marry your girlfriend? 🤔 (nta - even if you weren’t joking, wearing a nose ring or being proposed to aren’t… things straight people can’t do. my dad (very straight) has worn earrings since high school. he still had me lol.)	nta. i proposed to my man! jumping to conclusions with a joke doesn't help anyone.	nta she sounds like an idiot honestly.	nta. i think it’s quite old fashioned of her to believe the man should have to propose, but oh well, that’s her opinion and i’d say that’s okay. however it’s pretty rude to assume a man has to be gay to want the women to propose to him and it’s not okay to keep pushing you to “come out” when you clearly told her you weren’t gay	fellas, is it gay to like things?	nta, but disney and halmark have been firmly implanted in her brain. if you're in a serious relationship, conflicting believes will arise. it's how you deal with it that matters.	nta, and be very cautious about actually marrying her. i've seen this play out before and it never ends well.	i (f) proposed to my now husband. it didn't turn him gay. your girlfriend has got some odd ideas.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me and my girlfriend have been dating for going on 6 years now, and we’re both about to finish grad school so obviously we’re looking towards the future and the kind of stuff like getting married which we agreed we wanted to do. so we took a walk and i was doing the [vince mcmahon power walk](https://youtu.be/rlbud3r1y3i) and i jokingly suggested that that’s how i’m gonna walk down the aisle when at the wedding . she said oh you know that it’s the bride who walks down the aisle and i said oh yea i forgot about that but why can’t i be the one who walks down the aisle (obviously i was joking). she laughed and said what’s next, you want me to propose to you as well? and i said well why not? men are the prize 🤪 (obviously joking), i’m a fan of opal so if you get me a ring then make sure that that’s in the ring. again if anyone couldn’t tell i’m joking but obviously she couldn’t because she started acting really strangely and said that that’s weird and i should get that idea out of my head cause it’s not gonna happen. i just shrugged and said ok. yesterday she got her nose piercing in the mail and it had a really nice looking opal stone on it and i jokingly said it’d look nice on a ring. she just sighed and shook her head. well this morning she sat me down and said she had something she wanted to talk to me about. she asked if i’m gay. i was confused and asked what this is about and she said all this talk about stones and rings is giving her some red flags. i said i was just joking about that but no i’m not gay. she asked if i’m bisexual and i said no i’m obviously not and that’s very disrespectful of her to ask. she said are you sure? and i said yes i’m sure about it now please screw off and quit asking and she said don’t talk to me like that i was asking a valid question because guys aren’t supposed to be proposed to. and again i said why not? and she said that that’s just how it’s supposed to be and i said according to who? then she threw up her hands and said she’s done with this argument and went for a walk. was i really the asshole here? i’m not really sure how it turned into this big thing like i wasn’t serious about any of it and even if i was i don’t think it should’ve elicited this response from her..	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> me and my girlfriend have been dating for going on 6 years now, and we’re both about to finish grad school so obviously we’re looking towards the future and the kind of stuff like getting married which we agreed we wanted to do. so we took a walk and i was doing the [vince mcmahon power walk](https://youtu.be/rlbud3r1y3i) and i jokingly suggested that that’s how i’m gonna walk down the aisle when at the wedding . she said oh you know that it’s the bride who walks down the aisle and i said oh yea i forgot about that but why can’t i be the one who walks down the aisle (obviously i was joking). she laughed and said what’s next, you want me to propose to you as well? and i said well why not? men are the prize 🤪 (obviously joking), i’m a fan of opal so if you get me a ring then make sure that that’s in the ring. again if anyone couldn’t tell i’m joking but obviously she couldn’t because she started acting really strangely and said that that’s weird and i should get that idea out of my head cause it’s not gonna happen. i just shrugged and said ok. yesterday she got her nose piercing in the mail and it had a really nice looking opal stone on it and i jokingly said it’d look nice on a ring. she just sighed and shook her head. well this morning she sat me down and said she had something she wanted to talk to me about. she asked if i’m gay. i was confused and asked what this is about and she said all this talk about stones and rings is giving her some red flags. i said i was just joking about that but no i’m not gay. she asked if i’m bisexual and i said no i’m obviously not and that’s very disrespectful of her to ask. she said are you sure? and i said yes i’m sure about it now please screw off and quit asking and she said don’t talk to me like that i was asking a valid question because guys aren’t supposed to be proposed to. and again i said why not? and she said that that’s just how it’s supposed to be and i said according to who? then she threw up her hands and said she’s done with this argument and went for a walk. was i really the asshole here? i’m not really sure how it turned into this big thing like i wasn’t serious about any of it and even if i was i don’t think it should’ve elicited this response from her.. [/INST] nta. she was being both sexist and homophobic in one fell swoop! dingdingding she wins! even if u weren't joking then guys can want to be proposed to?? and so what if ur bi, would she not want to be with you anymore? she had no right to ask or be mad, and u had every right to be upset she did </s>
WIBTA If I cut contact with my brother after my mothers passing	so i (39f), and my brother (50m) have never gotten along. when i was born and our parents started giving me all the attention he (like every other sibling would) got very jealous. i understand getting jealous at first but 39 years later and he hasn't gotten over it. he's made snarky and judgmental comments throughout the years such as when i got pregnant with my first out of wedlock he asked when the wedding would be and when i informed him we weren't getting married anytime soon (we were 24 and felt we were young and it wouldn't hurt to wait ) he remarked it was "whorish" of me to not get married before the arrival of our daughter, and when we named our second daughter makenna he told me that it was " a name a r\*tarded person would use". our father passed back in late 2017 due to heart disease and my mother wanted to hold a small celebration of life at my house and he arrived ,nitpicked my home and told my daughter she was "putting on the pounds" after she grabbed a cupcake. any 12/13 year old girl who was told that by an adult man would obviously be very insecure . anyways, recently our mother has been diagnosed with stage 4 leukemia. i've put up with him for all these years because i wouldn't want to stress her out. i love her and it would break her heart if i cut contact with him because she always wanted a close tight nit family. but after her passing i am planning on cutting him off. of course this would be a bit after the funeral and i plan on just blocking him from social media platforms and not responding to him if he reaches out. i'm devastated over the fact my mother probably will be passing soon. but i'm not sure that keeping contact with him would be a good decision for me and my family (using a throw away because he knows my account and i wouldn't want him showing this to my mother)	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f7kmob/wibta_if_i_cut_contact_with_my_brother_after_my/	2020-02-22 00:30:52	nta. i'm sorry about your mom. as for your brother, real family is who you choose, not who fate and a twist of genetics screwed you into a biological relationship with.	nta. toxic people don't deserve your company. it is a great kindness you do for your mother to wait till after her passing. but you wouldn't be ta even if you couldn't wait. besides, it doesn't sound like he would object.	[deleted]	nta. 39 years of him being a dick is more than enough.	nta your brother sounds really toxic. if he changes his ways then keep him in your life. it doesn't sound like he would change. what kind of person fat shames a child. that's just wrong. did she hear him say that? you could always try talking with your brother. tell him if he doesn't change then you want no contact. its your life do whatever is best for you.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i (39f), and my brother (50m) have never gotten along. when i was born and our parents started giving me all the attention he (like every other sibling would) got very jealous. i understand getting jealous at first but 39 years later and he hasn't gotten over it. he's made snarky and judgmental comments throughout the years such as when i got pregnant with my first out of wedlock he asked when the wedding would be and when i informed him we weren't getting married anytime soon (we were 24 and felt we were young and it wouldn't hurt to wait ) he remarked it was "whorish" of me to not get married before the arrival of our daughter, and when we named our second daughter makenna he told me that it was " a name a r\tarded person would use". our father passed back in late 2017 due to heart disease and my mother wanted to hold a small celebration of life at my house and he arrived ,nitpicked my home and told my daughter she was "putting on the pounds" after she grabbed a cupcake. any 12/13 year old girl who was told that by an adult man would obviously be very insecure . anyways, recently our mother has been diagnosed with stage 4 leukemia. i've put up with him for all these years because i wouldn't want to stress her out. i love her and it would break her heart if i cut contact with him because she always wanted a close tight nit family. but after her passing i am planning on cutting him off. of course this would be a bit after the funeral and i plan on just blocking him from social media platforms and not responding to him if he reaches out. i'm devastated over the fact my mother probably will be passing soon. but i'm not sure that keeping contact with him would be a good decision for me and my family (using a throw away because he knows my account and i wouldn't want him showing this to my mother)	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i (39f), and my brother (50m) have never gotten along. when i was born and our parents started giving me all the attention he (like every other sibling would) got very jealous. i understand getting jealous at first but 39 years later and he hasn't gotten over it. he's made snarky and judgmental comments throughout the years such as when i got pregnant with my first out of wedlock he asked when the wedding would be and when i informed him we weren't getting married anytime soon (we were 24 and felt we were young and it wouldn't hurt to wait ) he remarked it was "whorish" of me to not get married before the arrival of our daughter, and when we named our second daughter makenna he told me that it was " a name a r\tarded person would use". our father passed back in late 2017 due to heart disease and my mother wanted to hold a small celebration of life at my house and he arrived ,nitpicked my home and told my daughter she was "putting on the pounds" after she grabbed a cupcake. any 12/13 year old girl who was told that by an adult man would obviously be very insecure . anyways, recently our mother has been diagnosed with stage 4 leukemia. i've put up with him for all these years because i wouldn't want to stress her out. i love her and it would break her heart if i cut contact with him because she always wanted a close tight nit family. but after her passing i am planning on cutting him off. of course this would be a bit after the funeral and i plan on just blocking him from social media platforms and not responding to him if he reaches out. i'm devastated over the fact my mother probably will be passing soon. but i'm not sure that keeping contact with him would be a good decision for me and my family (using a throw away because he knows my account and i wouldn't want him showing this to my mother) [/INST] nta. i'm sorry about your mom. as for your brother, real family is who you choose, not who fate and a twist of genetics screwed you into a biological relationship with. </s>
AITA for having my son watch over his siblings even if he misses afterschool activities.	background- school in my area is open but there have been problems with the buses. so everyone has to pick up their kid instead of using the buses. this has been happening before christmas break. i'm in an area where in the countryside so houses are far apart. well, one of our relatives (grandpa) died and to get to the funeral we have to buy some plane tickets. the funeral is this weekend. well in doing this we had to take out of the emergency fund which is not ideal at all. my husband and i figured out how to replenish the money quickly in case something happens. our jobs are a bit risky and being unemployed is a real possibility so we need to refill the fund as fast as possible. we have three children 16 , 9, and 7. our solution is for both of us to work overtime for two weeks starting on the 11th. my son (16) has his own car and license so he will pick up his two sisters and then watch them until we get home. it will probably be for two to three hours each day. we are not comfortable leaving them home alone in case something happens since our neighbor is like two miles away. also working overtime they have no ride getting home. our son is in basketball and they have practice three times a week. so he would be missing that for two weeks but games aren't happening due to the plague. so really just need to talk to the couch. we sat down our son and discussed the plan and that we would be free of chores for the next two weeks. he was not happy and told us that he isn't watching those two brats and not missing basketball. we told him that he is going to do it no matter what or we could sell his car if he would prefer. he called is dicks. so aita	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ksplkv/aita_for_having_my_son_watch_over_his_siblings/	2021-01-07 23:21:07	yta- why wouldn’t one of you, the parents of these children, take turns working overtime? one week you, one week your partner. that makes much more sense then forcing your oldest into an awkward spot of missing his practice.	yta. you are making your 16 year old your emergency fund and forcing him without considering his feelings. sell his car and see how that works for you. his siblings aren't his responsibility. they're yours. he shouldn't have to miss extracurricular activity time because you are too cheap to get a babysitter.	yta. he’s 16, and just cause games aren’t on doesn’t mean he doesn’t get a lot out of the training, mentally and physically. i see no reason at all why you both have to work overtime the exact same weeks.	yta. i understand your situation but it’s not really fair of you to put him in this position. it could make him look really unreliable and could affect any references he would hope to get from the coach. this reads like you didn’t consider the effect this would have on him. you’re telling your son that he has to do this, but not considering what it will do to him. are your other children well behaved, are they likely to listen to their brother? is this going to be stressful for him? do you really thing you’re entitled to demand that he acts as a babysitter for his younger siblings. his reaction may have been different if you had considered asking about how he feels about it and listening to him.	yta for many reasons ... going to a funeral during covid ... expecting your son to miss things so you can replenish funds you shouldn’t be spending anyway .	so i understand that desperate times call for desperate measures... but i’m sure theres some other option. you have to work overtime every single day? i seriously doubt that. why are you punishing your son for his grandfather’s deaths related expenses. and then to threaten him because he called you on it? i get you’re the parents and technically it is your call, but why not even look to other options first? seems awfully unfair to take away the one after school thing he has unless there is no other way. not to mention that if you take his car then you’re still screwed. yta.	yta. you do not need to go in to debt for a funeral. or just one of you can go. you can mourn your loved one from your own home. especially in a pandemic	very poorly thought out plan yta	yta how about you simply save up over time and refill your emergency fund that way and not threaten to take your son's probably only realistic means of transport worst case scenario like all your pipes burst or something you could sell his car sure but pre-emptively selling it or threatening to sell it is kind of a dick move especially considering he did nothing to put you in the situation your in.	yta. why couldn’t just one of you go to the funeral, and the other stay home? am i assuming right that everybody is going to the funeral? i’d also talk to the chair in case you don’t like what the couch says.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: background- school in my area is open but there have been problems with the buses. so everyone has to pick up their kid instead of using the buses. this has been happening before christmas break. i'm in an area where in the countryside so houses are far apart. well, one of our relatives (grandpa) died and to get to the funeral we have to buy some plane tickets. the funeral is this weekend. well in doing this we had to take out of the emergency fund which is not ideal at all. my husband and i figured out how to replenish the money quickly in case something happens. our jobs are a bit risky and being unemployed is a real possibility so we need to refill the fund as fast as possible. we have three children 16 , 9, and 7. our solution is for both of us to work overtime for two weeks starting on the 11th. my son (16) has his own car and license so he will pick up his two sisters and then watch them until we get home. it will probably be for two to three hours each day. we are not comfortable leaving them home alone in case something happens since our neighbor is like two miles away. also working overtime they have no ride getting home. our son is in basketball and they have practice three times a week. so he would be missing that for two weeks but games aren't happening due to the plague. so really just need to talk to the couch. we sat down our son and discussed the plan and that we would be free of chores for the next two weeks. he was not happy and told us that he isn't watching those two brats and not missing basketball. we told him that he is going to do it no matter what or we could sell his car if he would prefer. he called is dicks. so aita	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> background- school in my area is open but there have been problems with the buses. so everyone has to pick up their kid instead of using the buses. this has been happening before christmas break. i'm in an area where in the countryside so houses are far apart. well, one of our relatives (grandpa) died and to get to the funeral we have to buy some plane tickets. the funeral is this weekend. well in doing this we had to take out of the emergency fund which is not ideal at all. my husband and i figured out how to replenish the money quickly in case something happens. our jobs are a bit risky and being unemployed is a real possibility so we need to refill the fund as fast as possible. we have three children 16 , 9, and 7. our solution is for both of us to work overtime for two weeks starting on the 11th. my son (16) has his own car and license so he will pick up his two sisters and then watch them until we get home. it will probably be for two to three hours each day. we are not comfortable leaving them home alone in case something happens since our neighbor is like two miles away. also working overtime they have no ride getting home. our son is in basketball and they have practice three times a week. so he would be missing that for two weeks but games aren't happening due to the plague. so really just need to talk to the couch. we sat down our son and discussed the plan and that we would be free of chores for the next two weeks. he was not happy and told us that he isn't watching those two brats and not missing basketball. we told him that he is going to do it no matter what or we could sell his car if he would prefer. he called is dicks. so aita [/INST] yta- why wouldn’t one of you, the parents of these children, take turns working overtime? one week you, one week your partner. that makes much more sense then forcing your oldest into an awkward spot of missing his practice. </s>
AITA for returning something right before the refund period was over?	i don't use reddit, so i'm just making this account as a temporary one. information: i recently bought something at a store and it had a 30 day refund policy. i was testing it out for 29 days, and then decided i didn't really want it so i went to the store on the 30th day. &#x200b; i returned the item, but then the cashier said "you know you aren't supposed to refund stuff on the last day, right? i then responded with "it's a 30 day refund policy, i'm here on the 30th day because i decided i didn't want it yesterday" they then said "proper etiquette globally, across all stores, is you decide things first few days". &#x200b; i ended up getting the refund and leaving. looking back on it, should i have waited as long as i did or sooner? &#x200b;	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nzh7zi/aita_for_returning_something_right_before_the/	2021-06-14 07:24:35	nta. and once worked in retail. the store has a 30 day return policy. you can return it within that time. the clerk was just being a douche about it. i can understand how they feel because doing returns sucks, but you aren't t-a when you are following the policy.	nta...what cashier cares that much about their 12.00/hr job to make such a comment?	nta, as stated, it’s a 30 day refund for a reason. since when tf is there etiquette when it comes to getting your money back based on a policy they established.	nta. you have 30 days. that worker was being ridiculous.	nta a 30 day refund policy exists for a reason, if the store wanted the items returned within the first few days then they should change their policy. also that whole "proper global etiquette" thing sounds like pompous bullshit, i've never heard of that before,	nta really not the cashier's prerogative to lecture you on etiquette when you were within the time limit.	nta because you followed the rules. that said, i guarantee that cashier has heard that line a hundred times. stores see it all the time..the dress comes back after the party or event...the outdoor grill, tents, camping gear, etc are all suddenly "not what i wanted" at the end of camping season...the tools come back after you finished that project in the house.... in the future, the best thing you can do is return an item as soon as you realize it's not what you want. don't wait til the last minute. also, if you buy anything these days using a debit card or credit card, they'll have all your returns on file. after awhile, if you're a constant "returner" to a particular store or chain, you will get flagged and they won't accept returns from you. stores are tightening up on this sort of thing.	lol what? proper etiquette?? that is some dumb ass shit. if that were the case, the refund period would only be a few days. i'd personally put in a complaint. that is unprofessional as hell. nta	nta. it's their policy, and what cashier honestly cares about something like this? i know i wouldn't. you've got 30 days and your reason for returning on the 30th day is none of their business.	nta 30 days is there for a reason, do not stress about it you got your refund so move on	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i don't use reddit, so i'm just making this account as a temporary one. information: i recently bought something at a store and it had a 30 day refund policy. i was testing it out for 29 days, and then decided i didn't really want it so i went to the store on the 30th day. &#x200b; i returned the item, but then the cashier said "you know you aren't supposed to refund stuff on the last day, right? i then responded with "it's a 30 day refund policy, i'm here on the 30th day because i decided i didn't want it yesterday" they then said "proper etiquette globally, across all stores, is you decide things first few days".** &#x200b; i ended up getting the refund and leaving. looking back on it, should i have waited as long as i did or sooner? &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i don't use reddit, so i'm just making this account as a temporary one. information: i recently bought something at a store and it had a 30 day refund policy. i was testing it out for 29 days, and then decided i didn't really want it so i went to the store on the 30th day. &#x200b; i returned the item, but then the cashier said "you know you aren't supposed to refund stuff on the last day, right? i then responded with "it's a 30 day refund policy, i'm here on the 30th day because i decided i didn't want it yesterday" they then said "proper etiquette globally, across all stores, is you decide things first few days".** &#x200b; i ended up getting the refund and leaving. looking back on it, should i have waited as long as i did or sooner? &#x200b; [/INST] nta. and once worked in retail. the store has a 30 day return policy. you can return it within that time. the clerk was just being a douche about it. i can understand how they feel because doing returns sucks, but you aren't t-a when you are following the policy. </s>
AITA for cutting my girlfriends dogs hair	throwaway for obvious reasons. i'd appreciate help on this one and i'll hold my hands up if i am ah. i (29m) have been with my girlfriend (29f)for 3 years now. about 6 months ago she moved into my place (i am the sole owner). as i could comfortably live alone and i do not charge her rent or bills as i'd prefer for her to save for our future plans and be sustainable in life without money worries (she stresses a lot now atm). there was one stipulation to her moving in and i completely understand her grievances. unfortunately i am terribly allergic to dogs, especially their hair. puffy eyes, sneezing, tights chest you name it. she has a dog and i told her if she moves in i'd prefer if it stayed with her parents. she wasn't happy but considering my allergies agreed and accepted this until about 3 weeks ago. her parents have decided they can no longer look after the dog. it's a labrador and they shed hair in bucket loads - her parents got sick of cleaning it up. now it was either put the dog up for adoption or the dog moves into my place. my girlfriend was heartbroken and wouldn't even budge at the thought of adoption. she was adament she'd keep the dog away from me and there would be no issues as the dog would never be in sight and restricted to one room. i still don't think she fully accepts the nature of my allergies. but nonetheless i do love the thought of dogs and i couldn't see her upset over giving her animal up. i agreed on her conditions and warned her it would only be a trial to see how i get on around the dog. as you can imagine the dog was never restricted to one room. the poor dog cries if its stuck in one room. anyways, there was hairs everywhere. roaming room to room. my allergies go through the roof. i wfh so this was a nightmare. i tried to speak to my girlfriend and let her know we can't continue like this the dog needs to go she flipped out said she'd go with it if that's the case and i was heartless. we agreed that she would attempt to train the dog. this was over a week ago and no effort has been put into this. i had enough i called a groomer to shave the dog and at least try and make the situation more manageable for myself. i thought it was a fair compromise. anyways my girlfriend came home went absolutely crazy and we argued and she left. i don't think she's coming back i think we've broke up. i accept my actions weren't fair. however i can't live with her and the dog. aita? edit 1: i'm reading everyone's comments and it's became clear that labradors shouldn't be cut for those that say it isn't fluffy its a long coat one. i don't know the difference but they are fluffy. the groomer never stipulated that it shouldn't be cut. if they did i wouldn't have. simple. i accept i should've done research and a quick google shows that it's obvious i shouldn't have done this. i am no dog expert and am not passing the blame onto the groomer it's my fault.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsnsnk/aita_for_cutting_my_girlfriends_dogs_hair/	2022-12-22 14:49:10	yta for shaving the dogs hair. i don’t blame you as your actions are borne out of frustration, but a dogs coat is essential for good skin health.	esh - a dog does not just "go away". it is a commitment for life. at the same time you can't spend your life sick from allergy. maybe it is okay that you split up.	esh - allergies are not something to mess about with and neither are dogs. keeping a large dog in a single room is cruel and why on earth would it be okay freaking shave a short haired dog. they need the fur that’s why they grow it. you both suck and i vote the dog keeps the house and you both move out.	esh and how on earth did you find a groomer who would shave a lab?! that’s outrageous. are they licensed where you are? this person should lose theirs. you do not shave a lab nor would it solve your problem. trimming would not reduce shed or dander which is the issue (you bathe, comb out and run air filtration). restricting a retriever to one room is a nightmare. gf sucks for even trying it. did you consult with an allergist on shots? was treatment totally out of the realm of possibility? (it may have been but was it explored?) that ‘harm the dog’ was both of your solutions shows such immaturity as a couple that you should not be together or share responsibility for anything or anyone together. this is one of the most outrageous things i’ve read here and that’s saying a lot. you don’t shave a lab.	esh. except the dog. the dog is the victim here.	yta for doing this without her knowledge or consent. also why does everyone forget that allergy meds and allergy shots are a thing? i love cats. i’m allergic to cats. guess what i’ve done to be able to have one? both of the above.	esh. your girlfriend sucks for not considering the severity of your allergies and not keeping her word. but you just can’t get a groomer without talking to her first, because it’s her dog. you say you thought it was a fair compromise without even getting her opinion on the whole matter. overall i think you both could have acted way better, than you have.	yta. don't date people with dogs. don't let dogs move in with you. take medication. get a roomba to vacuum every day. all of these choices are better than harming the dog. shaving the coat doesn't change shedding. it just changes the length of the fur being shed and makes the dog's skin and coat less healthy. you shouldn't have dated a dog owner, you shouldn't have let the dog live with you, you should have seen an allergist, you could have gotten a robot vacuum to work on cleaning the hair. but you no longer have a girlfriend or any problems now that she's left.	esh. you can't do anything about your allergies but you can't shave a dog to attempt to address that. dogs have hair for a reason. it's ridiculous that your girlfriend thinks a dog and it's hair can be confined to a single room. training won't help that either. so the only options are to rehome the dog or break up. and i think by shaving her dog, you choose option b.	esh but honestly she never should have had another date with you after finding out about allergies. she should have realized that a choice might have to be made and she probably knew she would choose the dog.	YTA	ESH	ESH	ESH	ESH	YTA	ESH	YTA	ESH	ESH	0.028068	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway for obvious reasons. i'd appreciate help on this one and i'll hold my hands up if i am ah. i (29m) have been with my girlfriend (29f)for 3 years now. about 6 months ago she moved into my place (i am the sole owner). as i could comfortably live alone and i do not charge her rent or bills as i'd prefer for her to save for our future plans and be sustainable in life without money worries (she stresses a lot now atm). there was one stipulation to her moving in and i completely understand her grievances. unfortunately i am terribly allergic to dogs, especially their hair. puffy eyes, sneezing, tights chest you name it. she has a dog and i told her if she moves in i'd prefer if it stayed with her parents. she wasn't happy but considering my allergies agreed and accepted this until about 3 weeks ago. her parents have decided they can no longer look after the dog. it's a labrador and they shed hair in bucket loads - her parents got sick of cleaning it up. now it was either put the dog up for adoption or the dog moves into my place. my girlfriend was heartbroken and wouldn't even budge at the thought of adoption. she was adament she'd keep the dog away from me and there would be no issues as the dog would never be in sight and restricted to one room. i still don't think she fully accepts the nature of my allergies. but nonetheless i do love the thought of dogs and i couldn't see her upset over giving her animal up. i agreed on her conditions and warned her it would only be a trial to see how i get on around the dog. as you can imagine the dog was never restricted to one room. the poor dog cries if its stuck in one room. anyways, there was hairs everywhere. roaming room to room. my allergies go through the roof. i wfh so this was a nightmare. i tried to speak to my girlfriend and let her know we can't continue like this the dog needs to go she flipped out said she'd go with it if that's the case and i was heartless. we agreed that she would attempt to train the dog. this was over a week ago and no effort has been put into this. i had enough i called a groomer to shave the dog and at least try and make the situation more manageable for myself. i thought it was a fair compromise. anyways my girlfriend came home went absolutely crazy and we argued and she left. i don't think she's coming back i think we've broke up. i accept my actions weren't fair. however i can't live with her and the dog. aita? edit 1: i'm reading everyone's comments and it's became clear that labradors shouldn't be cut for those that say it isn't fluffy its a long coat one. i don't know the difference but they are fluffy. the groomer never stipulated that it shouldn't be cut. if they did i wouldn't have. simple. i accept i should've done research and a quick google shows that it's obvious i shouldn't have done this. i am no dog expert and am not passing the blame onto the groomer it's my fault.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> throwaway for obvious reasons. i'd appreciate help on this one and i'll hold my hands up if i am ah. i (29m) have been with my girlfriend (29f)for 3 years now. about 6 months ago she moved into my place (i am the sole owner). as i could comfortably live alone and i do not charge her rent or bills as i'd prefer for her to save for our future plans and be sustainable in life without money worries (she stresses a lot now atm). there was one stipulation to her moving in and i completely understand her grievances. unfortunately i am terribly allergic to dogs, especially their hair. puffy eyes, sneezing, tights chest you name it. she has a dog and i told her if she moves in i'd prefer if it stayed with her parents. she wasn't happy but considering my allergies agreed and accepted this until about 3 weeks ago. her parents have decided they can no longer look after the dog. it's a labrador and they shed hair in bucket loads - her parents got sick of cleaning it up. now it was either put the dog up for adoption or the dog moves into my place. my girlfriend was heartbroken and wouldn't even budge at the thought of adoption. she was adament she'd keep the dog away from me and there would be no issues as the dog would never be in sight and restricted to one room. i still don't think she fully accepts the nature of my allergies. but nonetheless i do love the thought of dogs and i couldn't see her upset over giving her animal up. i agreed on her conditions and warned her it would only be a trial to see how i get on around the dog. as you can imagine the dog was never restricted to one room. the poor dog cries if its stuck in one room. anyways, there was hairs everywhere. roaming room to room. my allergies go through the roof. i wfh so this was a nightmare. i tried to speak to my girlfriend and let her know we can't continue like this the dog needs to go she flipped out said she'd go with it if that's the case and i was heartless. we agreed that she would attempt to train the dog. this was over a week ago and no effort has been put into this. i had enough i called a groomer to shave the dog and at least try and make the situation more manageable for myself. i thought it was a fair compromise. anyways my girlfriend came home went absolutely crazy and we argued and she left. i don't think she's coming back i think we've broke up. i accept my actions weren't fair. however i can't live with her and the dog. aita? edit 1: i'm reading everyone's comments and it's became clear that labradors shouldn't be cut for those that say it isn't fluffy its a long coat one. i don't know the difference but they are fluffy. the groomer never stipulated that it shouldn't be cut. if they did i wouldn't have. simple. i accept i should've done research and a quick google shows that it's obvious i shouldn't have done this. i am no dog expert and am not passing the blame onto the groomer it's my fault. [/INST] yta for shaving the dogs hair. i don’t blame you as your actions are borne out of frustration, but a dogs coat is essential for good skin health. </s>
AITA for making my girlfriend go camping?	this actually happened around the beginning of this year, but my girlfriend has since moved out and she still brings this up. my parents mentioned doing a family camping trip around christmas, and my girlfriend happily helped plan it. now here is where my girlfriend says i'm an asshole. she got hit with a little cold and fever a day or two or something before the camping trip started. i figured it'd just pass, and didn't think anything of it until she brought up that she may not be able to come along for the trip. it's cold and it's rainy in that area around this time of year, but she knows that having made the reservations for us all. i told her she was overreacting and that it was just a cold. anyway, the night before we have to leave, girlfriend had been in bed all day and i got back from her. the house was a mess. she hadn't done anything aside from sleep all day. when i asked her, she told me she felt awful and that she doesn't think she had just a cold. i got a little irritated and told her maybe she's just being dramatic because she needs an excuse for being in bed all day. she just made some stupid coughing fit, then told me we'd talk tomorrow. i ended up having to make my own dinner and clean up, btw, despite the fact that she just goes to school next morning, she says she doesn't feel any better. i told her she was really letting me down, ditching me last minute. she told me she couldn't "help being sick" and that i don't believe her being sick. i told her, no, i just don't think it's as bad as you think it is. plus, she's letting me and my family down after all that effort. she ended up caving. after one night, she would not stop shivering or making herself throw up. she kept having nonstop coughing fits. after breakfast, she pulled me aside and asked me to take her home, because she was too cold and she really didn't feel okay. we had more words, then she stormed off. after talking to my family, who were really upset about her outburst, they said to just let her drive herself if it's such a problem. so i told my gf to go and drive herself if all she wanted to do was stay home. hung out with my family for a couple more days, then came back home. girlfriend and a bunch of her stuff was gone. turned out, she moved out with the help of her friends. i did visit her, and i've talked to her multiple times. we've been in couple's therapy since, but she's still not talking to me as much. so, aita for having made her go camping while she was sick? i genuinely didn't know she was sick.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gxey7r/aita_for_making_my_girlfriend_go_camping/	2020-06-05 22:50:02	yta. you told her, “maybe she’s just being dramatic.” “plus, she’s letting me and my family down.” so, she was sick, in bed all day sleeping trying to get better. still goes with you. the sick feeling continues, and she drives herself home and moves out. what part of this makes you think that you’re not an asshole? surprised she didn’t dump you for good. might improve her health in the future.	yta, why after she’s stated how sick she’s feeling would you insist on her coming?? you let the family down by forcing a sick member of the family to participate in a outdoor camping trip (which often worsens sickness). you cannot force throwing up and physically shaking from the shivers of being ill. because many males feel the need to think females are of the more emotional side i must state i am a 22m and you need to apologise for your appalling behaviour and show that you actually care about the wellbeing of your girlfriend more than your sucky family if they actually feel offended by this!	yta, i really hope this is fake. i would be surprised if anyone stayed with you after you disrespected them like this especially in front of your family. just gross.	yta- you told her she was faking when she had pneumonia. and you're writing this like she was faking the entire time when she went to the er for pneumonia. what are you? a made for tv movie villain? gonna kidnap her dog next? of course you're the asshole.	yta. seriously what? she gave you warning that she was sick and she didn’t think she’d be able to go. then her condition worsens and you guilt her into going on the camping trip and make her drive herself home when she’s too sick to continue? anything could have happened... she could have fallen asleep at the wheel, potentially killing herself and/or other drivers. and you also have the audacity to moan about making yourself dinner while she was in bed sick. yeah gtfo of here. according to your replies. turns out she had pneumonia. good god you’re a piece of work. i’m amazed she’s even trying to make it work with you. you’re an asshole. and so are your family members for saying they were disappointed in her. i guess that’s where you get your shitty entitled attitude from.	yta. no matter her reason to not want to go. you forced her to go on an event she didnt want to go to. didnt believe her when she said she was sick. sided with your family over your partner. maybe therapy alone is a good idea for these controlling behaviours	yta: dude, seriously? even after months of this happening and couples therapy you honestly have no idea what you have done? i have no idea why your gf is still with you.... geesh!	yta, nobody wants to go camping when they feel sick. sure its sad when you plan something and someone can’t make it, but to force them to go when they are sick doesn’t make it better. why did you say at the end that you didn’t know she was sick? i think you didn’t believe she was sick, cause she said she was multiple times according to you.	yta why would you guilt a sick person into going camping? then when she’s there and miserable you make her drive herself home? that’s really awful. your family sucks too and i’m glad she left you.	yta - 1. you instantly think that she is faking being ill 2. oh the horror, you had to make your own dinner 3. you think she is making herself sick? to what end? 4. you are incredibly belittling, dismissive and judgemental and so are your family i’m glad she moved out i can’t imagine having a partner who treated me like that your entire post is just you talking down about her, dismissing her feelings and belittling her experience	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this actually happened around the beginning of this year, but my girlfriend has since moved out and she still brings this up. my parents mentioned doing a family camping trip around christmas, and my girlfriend happily helped plan it. now here is where my girlfriend says i'm an asshole. she got hit with a little cold and fever a day or two or something before the camping trip started. i figured it'd just pass, and didn't think anything of it until she brought up that she may not be able to come along for the trip. it's cold and it's rainy in that area around this time of year, but she knows that having made the reservations for us all. i told her she was overreacting and that it was just a cold. anyway, the night before we have to leave, girlfriend had been in bed all day and i got back from her. the house was a mess. she hadn't done anything aside from sleep all day. when i asked her, she told me she felt awful and that she doesn't think she had just a cold. i got a little irritated and told her maybe she's just being dramatic because she needs an excuse for being in bed all day. she just made some stupid coughing fit, then told me we'd talk tomorrow. i ended up having to make my own dinner and clean up, btw, despite the fact that she just goes to school next morning, she says she doesn't feel any better. i told her she was really letting me down, ditching me last minute. she told me she couldn't "help being sick" and that i don't believe her being sick. i told her, no, i just don't think it's as bad as you think it is. plus, she's letting me and my family down after all that effort. she ended up caving. after one* night, she would not stop shivering or making herself throw up. she kept having nonstop coughing fits. after breakfast, she pulled me aside and asked me to take her home, because she was too cold and she really didn't feel okay. we had more words, then she stormed off. after talking to my family, who were really upset about her outburst, they said to just let her drive herself if it's such a problem. so i told my gf to go and drive herself if all she wanted to do was stay home. hung out with my family for a couple more days, then came back home. girlfriend and a bunch of her stuff was gone. turned out, she moved out with the help of her friends. i did visit her, and i've talked to her multiple times. we've been in couple's therapy since, but she's still not talking to me as much. so, aita for having made her go camping while she was sick? i genuinely didn't know she was sick.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this actually happened around the beginning of this year, but my girlfriend has since moved out and she still brings this up. my parents mentioned doing a family camping trip around christmas, and my girlfriend happily helped plan it. now here is where my girlfriend says i'm an asshole. she got hit with a little cold and fever a day or two or something before the camping trip started. i figured it'd just pass, and didn't think anything of it until she brought up that she may not be able to come along for the trip. it's cold and it's rainy in that area around this time of year, but she knows that having made the reservations for us all. i told her she was overreacting and that it was just a cold. anyway, the night before we have to leave, girlfriend had been in bed all day and i got back from her. the house was a mess. she hadn't done anything aside from sleep all day. when i asked her, she told me she felt awful and that she doesn't think she had just a cold. i got a little irritated and told her maybe she's just being dramatic because she needs an excuse for being in bed all day. she just made some stupid coughing fit, then told me we'd talk tomorrow. i ended up having to make my own dinner and clean up, btw, despite the fact that she just goes to school next morning, she says she doesn't feel any better. i told her she was really letting me down, ditching me last minute. she told me she couldn't "help being sick" and that i don't believe her being sick. i told her, no, i just don't think it's as bad as you think it is. plus, she's letting me and my family down after all that effort. she ended up caving. after one* night, she would not stop shivering or making herself throw up. she kept having nonstop coughing fits. after breakfast, she pulled me aside and asked me to take her home, because she was too cold and she really didn't feel okay. we had more words, then she stormed off. after talking to my family, who were really upset about her outburst, they said to just let her drive herself if it's such a problem. so i told my gf to go and drive herself if all she wanted to do was stay home. hung out with my family for a couple more days, then came back home. girlfriend and a bunch of her stuff was gone. turned out, she moved out with the help of her friends. i did visit her, and i've talked to her multiple times. we've been in couple's therapy since, but she's still not talking to me as much. so, aita for having made her go camping while she was sick? i genuinely didn't know she was sick. [/INST] yta. you told her, “maybe she’s just being dramatic.” “plus, she’s letting me and my family down.” so, she was sick, in bed all day sleeping trying to get better. still goes with you. the sick feeling continues, and she drives herself home and moves out. what part of this makes you think that you’re not an asshole? surprised she didn’t dump you for good. might improve her health in the future. </s>
AITA for not wanting my bf to smoke / vape in the bedroom?	he can vape anywhere else in the house, smoke outside but not in the bedroom. i don't like the smell and it gives me headaches when i try to sleep. i feel like it's a fair compromise, however he continues vaping in the bedroom and uses the argument that he only does it when i'm not there (which is not true, he does it when he thinks i'm sleeping). i feel disrespected because it's been years since i've asked him first but he only seems to think about how it's unfair to him to not be able to vape whenever and wherever he wants.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ayhilh/aita_for_not_wanting_my_bf_to_smoke_vape_in_the/	2019-03-07 20:49:30	nta, he is being an ass. you have every right to keep your bedroom clear of shit that knowingly induces headaches.	nta. is he really that much of an addict that he can't stop vaping in one room?	nta. if he wants to do that shit, he can agree to do it somewhere else.	nta it’s not like you’re trying to make him quit completely and he’s being kinda rude about it	nta. he agreed to this compromise but still doesn't follow it. that's a massive asshole move and you're spot on when you say he doesn't respect you.	imo nta. if you are not a fan of vapes you should have at least somewhere you can get away from it.	nta - oh man. i smoke and you're still not the asshole, he's lucky you let him smoke inside at all.	nta - your boyfriend on the other and is a complete asshole. dude... if you can't get him to even do this little thing for you, you are in for a rough ride. just how little do you think of yourself for you to put up with this childish shit for years? i couldn't put up with this for more than a week, how you put up with this for years is beyond me.	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: he can vape anywhere else in the house, smoke outside but not in the bedroom. i don't like the smell and it gives me headaches when i try to sleep. i feel like it's a fair compromise, however he continues vaping in the bedroom and uses the argument that he only does it when i'm not there (which is not true, he does it when he thinks i'm sleeping). i feel disrespected because it's been years since i've asked him first but he only seems to think about how it's unfair to him to not be able to vape whenever and wherever he wants.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> he can vape anywhere else in the house, smoke outside but not in the bedroom. i don't like the smell and it gives me headaches when i try to sleep. i feel like it's a fair compromise, however he continues vaping in the bedroom and uses the argument that he only does it when i'm not there (which is not true, he does it when he thinks i'm sleeping). i feel disrespected because it's been years since i've asked him first but he only seems to think about how it's unfair to him to not be able to vape whenever and wherever he wants. [/INST] nta, he is being an ass. you have every right to keep your bedroom clear of shit that knowingly induces headaches. </s>
WIBTA for not inviting a close friend to my daughter’s birthday party because her husband makes me uncomfortable?	i (30/f) grew up in a small town and became friends with “abby” (31/f) when we were 16 and 17, we were extremely close even after i moved a state away. we don’t see each other often unless i am visiting my hometown, but i always make time to see her when i do and we text/talk regularly. i truly have a lot of love for and consider her basically a sister. the problem is that she has to bring her husband with her everywhere she goes and he makes me extremely uncomfortable. he has gotten their credit cards cancelled many times after giving the information to cam girls online as young as 18 and has admitted to being mostly attracted to girls in that age range despite being in his 30s. they have almost gotten divorced several times, but she always ends up staying despite his gross and immature behavior. he’s also an addict and behaves uncontrollably at times. i once invited her and her child to come stay with us for a week so that the girls could meet and her and i could catch up, but when she got here, she had a a total meltdown and wanted him to come stay as well, i told her i didn’t feel comfortable because of how unstable he is and so the trip was cut short so she could go home to be with him. this year, i took vacation time off to take my daughter on a birthday trip, but due to covid decided it was too risky as she is too young for the vaccination. as an alternative, we decided to have her birthday party at my parents house so that it was still a trip, but not such a risk and could easily involve her cousins and a select few close friends and their kids. the party is 10 minutes from where “abby” lives, but i don’t want to invite her because i don’t want her husband around the kids. i feel conflicted, but firmly will not be around him. thoughts?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sbu3ui/wibta_for_not_inviting_a_close_friend_to_my/	2022-01-24 19:23:37	nta the guy is ultra sketchy. i wouldn't want him around children and valuables.	nta, just don't broadcast the party all over social media. if she finds out somehow and asks you about it, tell her that it was a family trip and you knew you wouldn't have time for a proper catch up, but if she'd like to get together \just the two of you\ sometime, you'd love that.	nta. your daughter is your priority. he sounds like a creep.	nta but i’d tread carefully. i’d honestly invite her stipulating her husband isn’t invited and lay out the reasons why. your being honest and direct but also inviting your friend. if you don’t invite her and she finds out about the party she personally will feel hurt and you have to explain why which will feel like a attack added on.	nta it's your decision. and the husband does not sound like someone who should be around children.	nta. safety first.	nta. you do not have to spend time around anyone who makes you uncomfortable, no matter who they're married to.	info: what does your friend say when you tell her you aren’t comfortable around her husband?	nta, never give him access to children, ever. it doesn’t matter who his wife is to you, she has stayed with him knowing what she knows.	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	NTA	null	0.00388	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (30/f) grew up in a small town and became friends with “abby” (31/f) when we were 16 and 17, we were extremely close even after i moved a state away. we don’t see each other often unless i am visiting my hometown, but i always make time to see her when i do and we text/talk regularly. i truly have a lot of love for and consider her basically a sister. the problem is that she has to bring her husband with her everywhere she goes and he makes me extremely uncomfortable. he has gotten their credit cards cancelled many times after giving the information to cam girls online as young as 18 and has admitted to being mostly attracted to girls in that age range despite being in his 30s. they have almost gotten divorced several times, but she always ends up staying despite his gross and immature behavior. he’s also an addict and behaves uncontrollably at times. i once invited her and her child to come stay with us for a week so that the girls could meet and her and i could catch up, but when she got here, she had a a total meltdown and wanted him to come stay as well, i told her i didn’t feel comfortable because of how unstable he is and so the trip was cut short so she could go home to be with him. this year, i took vacation time off to take my daughter on a birthday trip, but due to covid decided it was too risky as she is too young for the vaccination. as an alternative, we decided to have her birthday party at my parents house so that it was still a trip, but not such a risk and could easily involve her cousins and a select few close friends and their kids. the party is 10 minutes from where “abby” lives, but i don’t want to invite her because i don’t want her husband around the kids. i feel conflicted, but firmly will not be around him. thoughts?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (30/f) grew up in a small town and became friends with “abby” (31/f) when we were 16 and 17, we were extremely close even after i moved a state away. we don’t see each other often unless i am visiting my hometown, but i always make time to see her when i do and we text/talk regularly. i truly have a lot of love for and consider her basically a sister. the problem is that she has to bring her husband with her everywhere she goes and he makes me extremely uncomfortable. he has gotten their credit cards cancelled many times after giving the information to cam girls online as young as 18 and has admitted to being mostly attracted to girls in that age range despite being in his 30s. they have almost gotten divorced several times, but she always ends up staying despite his gross and immature behavior. he’s also an addict and behaves uncontrollably at times. i once invited her and her child to come stay with us for a week so that the girls could meet and her and i could catch up, but when she got here, she had a a total meltdown and wanted him to come stay as well, i told her i didn’t feel comfortable because of how unstable he is and so the trip was cut short so she could go home to be with him. this year, i took vacation time off to take my daughter on a birthday trip, but due to covid decided it was too risky as she is too young for the vaccination. as an alternative, we decided to have her birthday party at my parents house so that it was still a trip, but not such a risk and could easily involve her cousins and a select few close friends and their kids. the party is 10 minutes from where “abby” lives, but i don’t want to invite her because i don’t want her husband around the kids. i feel conflicted, but firmly will not be around him. thoughts? [/INST] nta the guy is ultra sketchy. i wouldn't want him around children and valuables. </s>
AITA for not honoring overtime over work?	i have a small business and employed my first two employees last summer. "e" (f/22), is a local "a" (f/27) is from america and moved here last summer (its her first job here). both are doing pretty much the same job. i have a bit of a "i dont care"-mentality, as long as the work gets done and the hours match they can leave early or come later whenever they want. "problem" is, "e" is far more efficient and productive, she gets about 28% more done (not hourly, in total). "a" would work all day if i let her, while "e" does pretty much only the minimum hours. (i "only" allow 50h/week max., "a" would work the max. legal 60h) this spring i gave both a raise again, but as "e" is more efficient and hardly gets paid overtime she gets a chunk more now. (after taking the overtime of "a" in consideration they both get about the same in the end again). yesterday after a bit of chitchat "a" complained that she now earns less per hour than "e" while "e" "hardly works at all" (her words). "e only works the bare minimum hours, goes out with the dog twice a day, goes on holiday twice a year, has her girlfriend in all the time,.... while i'm working my ass off, coming in every day, working overtime, hardly ever take sick-leave etc. and still e is getting more than me. thats discrimination!" i off course listened and was concerned as she clearly was sitting with her anger for a bit now. i tried to explain to her that she could do all this things too. her taking the dog out for a short walk takes less time then the smoking of "a" and both do not have to clock out for either. she goes on holiday twice a year because she has 30 days of paid leave a year (25 is the legal minimum, i give a week more because im happy with their work), and reminded her that she has to take the paid leave too, i told her this many times before and she will be 6 weeks at home this winter if she does not consume it beforehand. and i know that her girlfriend is here, when she finished her day at university, to drive home with "e". she is not really lowering her productivity so i dont care. (i even got them a cheap ikea couch where she can wait) finaly i told her that she does not need to do so many hours, their contract is 40h/week, and i would not care if they work 35 as long as the work is done (i proposed that before that when after 3 months someone is a little bit in the negative with the hours the other one will receive the same amount in overtime, but it never was needed yet). she got offended and yelled at me that "she works more so she should get more". i contered (a bit louder than i wanted in hindsight) that she only works longer, but "e" works more, and that they earn the same after keeping the overtime in mind. i understand where she comes from, and i showed her the numbers today. she seems a bit less agitated (i hope she understands that i dont care about the fact that she is an immigrant)	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x85ah2/aita_for_not_honoring_overtime_over_work/	2022-09-07 13:34:12	nta. it’s a cultural thing. apparently american bosses want every worker to work themselves to the bone every week doing as many hours as possible - not get the work done efficiently.	nta and i hope the american employee unlearns the toxic "grind until you die" mentality we have here. she needs a better work life balance.	info: does a seem to struggle with the work or do you think she's taking longer to complete it in order to get paid overtime? maybe you should cut out the option for overtime for a while and see if her productivity improves.	nah. i think this boils down to a cultural misunderstanding. >"a" (f/27) is from america and moved here last summer (its her first job here). american work culture seems a bit different from where you live or from the culture you are trying to cultivate in your place of business. both reward hard work (at least that is what we have been told as americans) but what defines hard work is different. you measure it as performance while she measures it as time spent. it may take some time for her to come around but when she sees how much better your way is, she will thank you.	nta, it makes sense the person who does more work more effectively makes more money, and when you take the overtime she takes in roughly the same amount of money so there’s no need for her to be mad	nta this is 100% an american cultural thingy. and as an american i can say she is programmed to just work as slowly as possible and as long as possible to get the most houses to try and make the most money possible. she doesn’t realize that you are being logical. i would have a serious sit down with her. and explain she doesn’t need to do that. i would give her a raise and take away her overtime. so really force her to work only 40. i didn’t learn to shut off working until i got burned out and it costed me a lot. you sound like a good person. just know the american way is brainwashed.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	INFO	NAH	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0.023868	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a small business and employed my first two employees last summer. "e" (f/22), is a local "a" (f/27) is from america and moved here last summer (its her first job here). both are doing pretty much the same job. i have a bit of a "i dont care"-mentality, as long as the work gets done and the hours match they can leave early or come later whenever they want. "problem" is, "e" is far more efficient and productive, she gets about 28% more done (not hourly, in total). "a" would work all day if i let her, while "e" does pretty much only the minimum hours. (i "only" allow 50h/week max., "a" would work the max. legal 60h) this spring i gave both a raise again, but as "e" is more efficient and hardly gets paid overtime she gets a chunk more now. (after taking the overtime of "a" in consideration they both get about the same in the end again). yesterday after a bit of chitchat "a" complained that she now earns less per hour than "e" while "e" "hardly works at all" (her words). "e only works the bare minimum hours, goes out with the dog twice a day, goes on holiday twice a year, has her girlfriend in all the time,.... while i'm working my ass off, coming in every day, working overtime, hardly ever take sick-leave etc. and still e is getting more than me. thats discrimination!" i off course listened and was concerned as she clearly was sitting with her anger for a bit now. i tried to explain to her that she could do all this things too. her taking the dog out for a short walk takes less time then the smoking of "a" and both do not have to clock out for either. she goes on holiday twice a year because she has 30 days of paid leave a year (25 is the legal minimum, i give a week more because im happy with their work), and reminded her that she has to take the paid leave too, i told her this many times before and she will be 6 weeks at home this winter if she does not consume it beforehand. and i know that her girlfriend is here, when she finished her day at university, to drive home with "e". she is not really lowering her productivity so i dont care. (i even got them a cheap ikea couch where she can wait) finaly i told her that she does not need to do so many hours, their contract is 40h/week, and i would not care if they work 35 as long as the work is done (i proposed that before that when after 3 months someone is a little bit in the negative with the hours the other one will receive the same amount in overtime, but it never was needed yet). she got offended and yelled at me that "she works more so she should get more". i contered (a bit louder than i wanted in hindsight) that she only works longer, but "e" works more, and that they earn the same after keeping the overtime in mind. i understand where she comes from, and i showed her the numbers today. she seems a bit less agitated (i hope she understands that i dont care about the fact that she is an immigrant)	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i have a small business and employed my first two employees last summer. "e" (f/22), is a local "a" (f/27) is from america and moved here last summer (its her first job here). both are doing pretty much the same job. i have a bit of a "i dont care"-mentality, as long as the work gets done and the hours match they can leave early or come later whenever they want. "problem" is, "e" is far more efficient and productive, she gets about 28% more done (not hourly, in total). "a" would work all day if i let her, while "e" does pretty much only the minimum hours. (i "only" allow 50h/week max., "a" would work the max. legal 60h) this spring i gave both a raise again, but as "e" is more efficient and hardly gets paid overtime she gets a chunk more now. (after taking the overtime of "a" in consideration they both get about the same in the end again). yesterday after a bit of chitchat "a" complained that she now earns less per hour than "e" while "e" "hardly works at all" (her words). "e only works the bare minimum hours, goes out with the dog twice a day, goes on holiday twice a year, has her girlfriend in all the time,.... while i'm working my ass off, coming in every day, working overtime, hardly ever take sick-leave etc. and still e is getting more than me. thats discrimination!" i off course listened and was concerned as she clearly was sitting with her anger for a bit now. i tried to explain to her that she could do all this things too. her taking the dog out for a short walk takes less time then the smoking of "a" and both do not have to clock out for either. she goes on holiday twice a year because she has 30 days of paid leave a year (25 is the legal minimum, i give a week more because im happy with their work), and reminded her that she has to take the paid leave too, i told her this many times before and she will be 6 weeks at home this winter if she does not consume it beforehand. and i know that her girlfriend is here, when she finished her day at university, to drive home with "e". she is not really lowering her productivity so i dont care. (i even got them a cheap ikea couch where she can wait) finaly i told her that she does not need to do so many hours, their contract is 40h/week, and i would not care if they work 35 as long as the work is done (i proposed that before that when after 3 months someone is a little bit in the negative with the hours the other one will receive the same amount in overtime, but it never was needed yet). she got offended and yelled at me that "she works more so she should get more". i contered (a bit louder than i wanted in hindsight) that she only works longer, but "e" works more, and that they earn the same after keeping the overtime in mind. i understand where she comes from, and i showed her the numbers today. she seems a bit less agitated (i hope she understands that i dont care about the fact that she is an immigrant) [/INST] nta. it’s a cultural thing. apparently american bosses want every worker to work themselves to the bone every week doing as many hours as possible - not get the work done efficiently. </s>
AITA for telling my MOH's boyfriend to not text me about his girlfriend's stress	alright, so the title might be a bit misleading. my wedding is next week, and let me just say i didn't really want any of the other parties, but my moh (maid of honor) insisted she throw me a bridal shower and i finally gave in and said yes. my bridal shower is today and her boyfriend texts me and says (i'm summarizing), "i know it's about you today, but can you keep an eye on moh bc it seems like she's handling this on her own and may be a bit stressed out." i said yes of course, however, for some reason, that kinda irked me. i had maybe 6-7 months to plan this wedding and it did stress me out more than i wanted, but i tend to handle stress very well since i do something similar for a living. i texted him again and said (again summarizing), "i just want to let you know that i'm not mad, but in the future if moh is maid of honor to someone else, please don't text them about her stress, other people may take that the wrong way. i don't want any of her other friends ripping you a new one bc you weren't sensitive to their stress during this time as well." so yeah, aita? i understand if i am, i just wanted him to know that other brides may not handle all this stuff so well and by them having to worry about something else, may not come across so well.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b4lbvh/aita_for_telling_my_mohs_boyfriend_to_not_text_me/	2019-03-23 16:51:14	nah - he sounds like a good dude who is just looking out for his so. it’s a little tone deaf but not an asshole thing for him to say. you were measured and respectful in your response and hopefully this helps him gain some context and understanding of the situation. congratulations btw!	nah you have to realize that all he was doing was looking out for his girlfriend, and as she is your moh i can assume you can somewhat appreciate that. however you are totally in your rights to be super stressed as well and i think you handled it completely decently to let him know how you are feeling in a relatively nice way!	nta. the moh's role is to help with wedding logistics and ease the bride's stress in general. i don't mean she's there to be taken advantage of or dumped on - if you were a huge bridezilla causing undue stress for your wedding party, a talk would definitely be warranted. but the kind of emotional support he describes - "keep an eye on her, she has a lot to handle and may be stressed out" - is typically what the moh would do for a bride. if moh needs support it should come from another bridesmaid or shower guest. it should be assumed that the bride is handling a lot and stressed out by default, and isn't expected to support others. (wow, i sure made weddings sound fun)	nta. surprised at all these people saying you're the asshole. i disagree. he shouldn't have texted you about that. it comes off like he's hinting that it's your fault she's stressed. you have enough to deal with and he shouldn't be making it your responsibility to "watch out for her". also, what does that even mean? like she's going to get so stressed in the middle of the shower that she has an anxiety attack and you need to be prepared to help her or something? presumably she's your best friend since you asked her to be your moh. if such a situation occurred, obviously you would help her through it. what kind of friend would be to ignore that? in other words, you don't need to be told to take notice of your friend. his text seems a bit passive aggressive imo, like he's annoyed at all the stuff his gf is having to do and how busy she is and hes dropping the hint to you to lay off her. maybe i'm reading too much into it, or maybe i've dealt with too many people who are like this, but in any case, i say nta.	nta. i was going to go with nah, but based my decision on • she insisted on throwing this party • you’re her friend and would notice if she is out of sorts without a heads up • boyfriend’s message seemed a little passive aggressive about something she convinced you she wanted to do • it was a shower you were just meant to turn up to, not feel guilty that she took on too much by her own choice	[deleted]	nta. i don’t get why she would insist on throwing a bridal shower for you if it would cause her so much stress	null	null	null	NAH	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	null	null	0.006547	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: alright, so the title might be a bit misleading. my wedding is next week, and let me just say i didn't really want any of the other parties, but my moh (maid of honor) insisted she throw me a bridal shower and i finally gave in and said yes. my bridal shower is today and her boyfriend texts me and says (i'm summarizing), "i know it's about you today, but can you keep an eye on moh bc it seems like she's handling this on her own and may be a bit stressed out." i said yes of course, however, for some reason, that kinda irked me. i had maybe 6-7 months to plan this wedding and it did stress me out more than i wanted, but i tend to handle stress very well since i do something similar for a living. i texted him again and said (again summarizing), "i just want to let you know that i'm not mad, but in the future if moh is maid of honor to someone else, please don't text them about her stress, other people may take that the wrong way. i don't want any of her other friends ripping you a new one bc you weren't sensitive to their stress during this time as well." so yeah, aita? i understand if i am, i just wanted him to know that other brides may not handle all this stuff so well and by them having to worry about something else, may not come across so well.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> alright, so the title might be a bit misleading. my wedding is next week, and let me just say i didn't really want any of the other parties, but my moh (maid of honor) insisted she throw me a bridal shower and i finally gave in and said yes. my bridal shower is today and her boyfriend texts me and says (i'm summarizing), "i know it's about you today, but can you keep an eye on moh bc it seems like she's handling this on her own and may be a bit stressed out." i said yes of course, however, for some reason, that kinda irked me. i had maybe 6-7 months to plan this wedding and it did stress me out more than i wanted, but i tend to handle stress very well since i do something similar for a living. i texted him again and said (again summarizing), "i just want to let you know that i'm not mad, but in the future if moh is maid of honor to someone else, please don't text them about her stress, other people may take that the wrong way. i don't want any of her other friends ripping you a new one bc you weren't sensitive to their stress during this time as well." so yeah, aita? i understand if i am, i just wanted him to know that other brides may not handle all this stuff so well and by them having to worry about something else, may not come across so well. [/INST] nah - he sounds like a good dude who is just looking out for his so. it’s a little tone deaf but not an asshole thing for him to say. you were measured and respectful in your response and hopefully this helps him gain some context and understanding of the situation. congratulations btw! </s>
AITA for not wanting to spend time with my SIL after how we were treated?	my sil and her husband live about 6 hours away. my dh and i announced our pregnancy and my sil was immediately jealous. she and dh aren’t exactly close but dh would like to be. anyways she insisted that we come visit and stay with her “before the baby is born and ruins everything”. it’s already a challenge driving 6 hours when you have to stop and walk every 45 minutes but that comment rubbed me the wrong way. not to mention sil forgot we were coming and was passed out (too much alcohol at dinner) when we arrived and even though she had insisted we stay with her and her husband the only place we had to sleep was the vomit covered floor. not only did we have to get a hotel but we also ended up footing the bill for the weekend because sil had her wallet stolen aita for not wanting to spend time with her?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q6cdwu/aita_for_not_wanting_to_spend_time_with_my_sil/	2021-10-12 02:51:15	nta once the baby is born the family can visit you, no way are you driving 6 hours to subject a newborn to unsanitary and unsafe conditions.	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sil and her husband live about 6 hours away. my dh and i announced our pregnancy and my sil was immediately jealous. she and dh aren’t exactly close but dh would like to be. anyways she insisted that we come visit and stay with her “before the baby is born and ruins everything”. it’s already a challenge driving 6 hours when you have to stop and walk every 45 minutes but that comment rubbed me the wrong way. not to mention sil forgot we were coming and was passed out (too much alcohol at dinner) when we arrived and even though she had insisted we stay with her and her husband the only place we had to sleep was the vomit covered floor. not only did we have to get a hotel but we also ended up footing the bill for the weekend because sil had her wallet stolen aita for not wanting to spend time with her?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my sil and her husband live about 6 hours away. my dh and i announced our pregnancy and my sil was immediately jealous. she and dh aren’t exactly close but dh would like to be. anyways she insisted that we come visit and stay with her “before the baby is born and ruins everything”. it’s already a challenge driving 6 hours when you have to stop and walk every 45 minutes but that comment rubbed me the wrong way. not to mention sil forgot we were coming and was passed out (too much alcohol at dinner) when we arrived and even though she had insisted we stay with her and her husband the only place we had to sleep was the vomit covered floor. not only did we have to get a hotel but we also ended up footing the bill for the weekend because sil had her wallet stolen aita for not wanting to spend time with her? [/INST] nta once the baby is born the family can visit you, no way are you driving 6 hours to subject a newborn to unsanitary and unsafe conditions. </s>
AITA for having the holidays with my brother and excluding our parents this year?	i (27f) don’t think i’ve done anything wrong, but i thought i’d put this out there. my parents made it very clear they had extremely high expectations of my brother (30m) and none for me. i have never held bad feelings towards my brother for this, and we are actually pretty close. they tried to force him into college by paying the tuition but he just hates the structure of school (his words). he works at a sporting goods store and just became the assistant manager, i’m super happy for him because he really loves it. our parents refused to pay for me to go to school because they thought i’d just waste their money. i didn’t want to start my life out swimming in student loan debt, so i got a job, took out a personal loan and went to a trade school. i got a good job in my field. they criticize me for having an “inappropriate“ job (i’m a welder) while telling my brother they’ll happily pay for him to go back to college so he can get a more respectable “real” job. my brother called me and asked if i was going to visit for the holidays. i said i hadn’t thought about it, and he asked if my girlfriend and i wanted to join him and his wife for thanksgiving instead. i said i’d talk to my girlfriend, she said sure. i offered to host him and sil in return and he agreed. he broke the news to our parents and they are flipping out we aren’t coming home and claim i turned my brother against them. my brother flipped out and said it was how they treated us that turned us against them. my parents have been blowing up our phones and writing long woe is me social media posts. my uncle says we’ve really hurt our parents and should stop being assholes and go to them for holidays, but i don’t think we’re assholes at all for wanting to enjoy a holiday without being criticized the whole time. so aita for upsetting my parents by not going to them for the holidays this year?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jguupi/aita_for_having_the_holidays_with_my_brother_and/	2020-10-23 20:15:58	nta at all. you and your brother deserve to have good holiday memories. also screw your parents! my husband is a welder and only 25 years old and makes 26 dollars an hour. he makes more than most of my friends with a bachelors degree, especially with overtime. keep doing you, we need welders.	nta - i don't know why parents think they can manipulate their kids their whole lives and still have a good relationship with them once they're adults. you're an adult, do what you want.	nta, your parents treated both of you unfairly, overburdening him with expectations and not giving you options or support. kids shouldn’t be pawns in a game of favorites and it sounds like they don’t understand that.	nta enjoy your holidays. i personally don’t think it’s unreasonable at all to want to spend a holiday without being constantly criticized and wanting to enjoy it. also i’d just like to say it’s awesome you two were able to see their bs for what it was and resent each other.	null	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (27f) don’t think i’ve done anything wrong, but i thought i’d put this out there. my parents made it very clear they had extremely high expectations of my brother (30m) and none for me. i have never held bad feelings towards my brother for this, and we are actually pretty close. they tried to force him into college by paying the tuition but he just hates the structure of school (his words). he works at a sporting goods store and just became the assistant manager, i’m super happy for him because he really loves it. our parents refused to pay for me to go to school because they thought i’d just waste their money. i didn’t want to start my life out swimming in student loan debt, so i got a job, took out a personal loan and went to a trade school. i got a good job in my field. they criticize me for having an “inappropriate“ job (i’m a welder) while telling my brother they’ll happily pay for him to go back to college so he can get a more respectable “real” job. my brother called me and asked if i was going to visit for the holidays. i said i hadn’t thought about it, and he asked if my girlfriend and i wanted to join him and his wife for thanksgiving instead. i said i’d talk to my girlfriend, she said sure. i offered to host him and sil in return and he agreed. he broke the news to our parents and they are flipping out we aren’t coming home and claim i turned my brother against them. my brother flipped out and said it was how they treated us that turned us against them. my parents have been blowing up our phones and writing long woe is me social media posts. my uncle says we’ve really hurt our parents and should stop being assholes and go to them for holidays, but i don’t think we’re assholes at all for wanting to enjoy a holiday without being criticized the whole time. so aita for upsetting my parents by not going to them for the holidays this year?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (27f) don’t think i’ve done anything wrong, but i thought i’d put this out there. my parents made it very clear they had extremely high expectations of my brother (30m) and none for me. i have never held bad feelings towards my brother for this, and we are actually pretty close. they tried to force him into college by paying the tuition but he just hates the structure of school (his words). he works at a sporting goods store and just became the assistant manager, i’m super happy for him because he really loves it. our parents refused to pay for me to go to school because they thought i’d just waste their money. i didn’t want to start my life out swimming in student loan debt, so i got a job, took out a personal loan and went to a trade school. i got a good job in my field. they criticize me for having an “inappropriate“ job (i’m a welder) while telling my brother they’ll happily pay for him to go back to college so he can get a more respectable “real” job. my brother called me and asked if i was going to visit for the holidays. i said i hadn’t thought about it, and he asked if my girlfriend and i wanted to join him and his wife for thanksgiving instead. i said i’d talk to my girlfriend, she said sure. i offered to host him and sil in return and he agreed. he broke the news to our parents and they are flipping out we aren’t coming home and claim i turned my brother against them. my brother flipped out and said it was how they treated us that turned us against them. my parents have been blowing up our phones and writing long woe is me social media posts. my uncle says we’ve really hurt our parents and should stop being assholes and go to them for holidays, but i don’t think we’re assholes at all for wanting to enjoy a holiday without being criticized the whole time. so aita for upsetting my parents by not going to them for the holidays this year? [/INST] nta at all. you and your brother deserve to have good holiday memories. also screw your parents! my husband is a welder and only 25 years old and makes 26 dollars an hour. he makes more than most of my friends with a bachelors degree, especially with overtime. keep doing you, we need welders. </s>
AITA homeless highschool friend taking advantage of me?	a friend of mine from highschool was made homeless around august 2020, right around the same time i bought a school bus to renovate into a motor home. i told him he could temporarily stay in it while he looked for a new place and a job. i provided electricity to the bus via my place of business (my boss knows) and tried to make him as comfortable as possible given the circumstances. fast forward to mid december and he has not found a job or a place to stay, but him being in the bus has put a stop to its renovation. i told him, after 3 months of living in the bus, he needed to be gone by new years as i needed to continue the renovation work. he agreed. i went to the bus yesterday to find he is still living in there and there were multiple bottles of piss and a garbage bag full of poop bags. i gloved up and threw it all away but i'm disgusted at the state of everything. i'm contemplating locking the bus so he can no longer get inside. am i the asshole?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kr4sv8/aita_homeless_highschool_friend_taking_advantage/	2021-01-05 18:47:15	nta. you better lock up before your future area becomes permanently damaged.	nta - he's taking advantage of your generosity. if there is a mental illness issue, perhaps share with him some county resources. he will continue to live there until you force him out. you are helping him to create his "new normal"	nta you are under no obligation to help. you've helped, this great, you're a wonderful person. they took advantage of your generosity and didn't even keep their side of the deal. lock the bus, and if need be, get the police involved.	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a friend of mine from highschool was made homeless around august 2020, right around the same time i bought a school bus to renovate into a motor home. i told him he could temporarily stay in it while he looked for a new place and a job. i provided electricity to the bus via my place of business (my boss knows) and tried to make him as comfortable as possible given the circumstances. fast forward to mid december and he has not found a job or a place to stay, but him being in the bus has put a stop to its renovation. i told him, after 3 months of living in the bus, he needed to be gone by new years as i needed to continue the renovation work. he agreed. i went to the bus yesterday to find he is still living in there and there were multiple bottles of piss and a garbage bag full of poop bags. i gloved up and threw it all away but i'm disgusted at the state of everything. i'm contemplating locking the bus so he can no longer get inside. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> a friend of mine from highschool was made homeless around august 2020, right around the same time i bought a school bus to renovate into a motor home. i told him he could temporarily stay in it while he looked for a new place and a job. i provided electricity to the bus via my place of business (my boss knows) and tried to make him as comfortable as possible given the circumstances. fast forward to mid december and he has not found a job or a place to stay, but him being in the bus has put a stop to its renovation. i told him, after 3 months of living in the bus, he needed to be gone by new years as i needed to continue the renovation work. he agreed. i went to the bus yesterday to find he is still living in there and there were multiple bottles of piss and a garbage bag full of poop bags. i gloved up and threw it all away but i'm disgusted at the state of everything. i'm contemplating locking the bus so he can no longer get inside. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. you better lock up before your future area becomes permanently damaged. </s>
AITA for telling my parents my sister stole	this happened 4 years ago at the time i (22f) told my parents that my sister (12) stole. my sister was at the mall with friends and stole a $2 button from a hot topic but was caught and banned. a week later after that happened she asked me if i could keep a secret that's been eating at her all day. i told her of course, and that i wouldn't tell anyone. but when she told me about stealing i knew i had to tell our parents. so i told her when mom and dad get home either she or i had to tell. she started crying and said things like "you promised me you wouldn't tell" and "i will never trust you again". well, when our parents got home i told them what happened and she locked herself in her room. parents grounded her for 3 months and my mother made her write an apology letter to the store and delivered it in person. she also drove my sister to the police station so she could tell them what she had done and apologized to them. i know i did the right thing but now years later she still holds it against me. am i the asshole?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ggcfdu/aita_for_telling_my_parents_my_sister_stole/	2020-05-09 09:26:41	yta. you should have given her the opportunity to tell your parents. instead you taught her that someone she turned to for support in reviewing her actions which she felt guilty about would turn on her. she won't change into a better person because you tattle on her. she will change with a better example and the opportunity to do what's right. yes she was wrong. but she was a kid seeking guidance. you're not trained to counsel people i assume, so you made a mistake. but yeah, yta.	yta. you promised you wouldn't tell and you betrayed her trust. it was only $2 not a bank robbery. she got banned and learned her lesson (she said it had been eating at her). you were 22 and couldn't keep a secret? yta	yta - you made a promise, and you broke it. you told a secret that wasn’t yours to tell.	yta and probably destroyed any possibility of her trusting you, which is a shame. she will be a teenager soon and will face much bigger issues than an $2 pin theft.	yta you broke your sister's trust over a 2 dollar button... how do you not see that? she didn't learn not steal that day, she learned not to trust her big sister...	fucked up dude! stealing is like, the pettiest crime possible, especially when it’s from a chain store like hot topic who aren’t gonna miss a few things here and there, especially when it’s worth $2. if she stole from a small independent business i’d tell her it was a dick move and carry on with my life? but stealing from hot topic is so unimportant it’s almost comical. yta.	yta - to be frank i'd never trust you again either.	yta,jeesh it was 2 dollars and you broke a promise	yta. you swore that you wouldn't snitch, and you snitched, over the theft of a $2 button. it's obvious that you would lose her trust, snitches are the worst kind of people. it's a two dollar button, hot topic is a million dollar company. what harm did it do?	yta for saying you wouldn't tell when you knew you were going to.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this happened 4 years ago at the time i (22f) told my parents that my sister (12) stole. my sister was at the mall with friends and stole a $2 button from a hot topic but was caught and banned. a week later after that happened she asked me if i could keep a secret that's been eating at her all day. i told her of course, and that i wouldn't tell anyone. but when she told me about stealing i knew i had to tell our parents. so i told her when mom and dad get home either she or i had to tell. she started crying and said things like "you promised me you wouldn't tell" and "i will never trust you again". well, when our parents got home i told them what happened and she locked herself in her room. parents grounded her for 3 months and my mother made her write an apology letter to the store and delivered it in person. she also drove my sister to the police station so she could tell them what she had done and apologized to them. i know i did the right thing but now years later she still holds it against me. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this happened 4 years ago at the time i (22f) told my parents that my sister (12) stole. my sister was at the mall with friends and stole a $2 button from a hot topic but was caught and banned. a week later after that happened she asked me if i could keep a secret that's been eating at her all day. i told her of course, and that i wouldn't tell anyone. but when she told me about stealing i knew i had to tell our parents. so i told her when mom and dad get home either she or i had to tell. she started crying and said things like "you promised me you wouldn't tell" and "i will never trust you again". well, when our parents got home i told them what happened and she locked herself in her room. parents grounded her for 3 months and my mother made her write an apology letter to the store and delivered it in person. she also drove my sister to the police station so she could tell them what she had done and apologized to them. i know i did the right thing but now years later she still holds it against me. am i the asshole? [/INST] yta. you should have given her the opportunity to tell your parents. instead you taught her that someone she turned to for support in reviewing her actions which she felt guilty about would turn on her. she won't change into a better person because you tattle on her. she will change with a better example and the opportunity to do what's right. yes she was wrong. but she was a kid seeking guidance. you're not trained to counsel people i assume, so you made a mistake. but yeah, yta. </s>
AITA for my reaction to husband losing his job?	long story short, my husband has a history of chronic lateness and has missed two meetings in the past two weeks at work. to be fair, the meetings seem way excessive but apparently they have a strict “miss two and you’re done rule” according to my husband. getting up in the morning has never been his forte, and these meetings were typically early. he hated that job so much and had been looking for something else. he is already in the process of getting another job which may take a few months to start due to background checks. i’ve joked multiple times that he just quit, but always come back with “kidding, we need health insurance” so i guess in his mind he thought i’d be ok with him losing his job. he keeps comparing it to him quitting, which i disagree with. the problem is, we do need health insurance (which i do not qualify for at my job due to my position). i’m also upset that he just assumed i’d be ok with his firing when he was aware he was on thin ice with attendance, being the primary insurance holder. he wants comfort, and i held my tongue/temper but it felt like i needed to coddle him immediately in order for my reaction to be ok. when i didn’t, he became defensive. his new job is not set in stone so i have high anxiety about financial security in the near future and i’m just pissed.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxsqth/aita_for_my_reaction_to_husband_losing_his_job/	2022-05-25 22:21:50	nta. why isn't he getting a temp job in the meantime? if you are in the us, every single place is hiring.	posts like this make me glad i’m single.	nta. he could have been prevented his firing by being a responsible adult and showing up on time, whether he has an issue getting up in the morning or not. the only person he should be upset with is himself.	nta. he lost his job. sounds like you both support your family and he's an adult. i'm sorry you have to reap the consequences as well but come on. work isn't everyone's love of life but it has to be done, and being late to important meetings is on him. personally, i'd be livid.	nta. i had a similar issue with my partner where he would miss a lot of work and was always the first on the chopping block when it came to layoffs (common in construction), i did not coddle him at all and told him he needed to get his shit together. he finally went and saw a doctor a couple months ago and was diagnosed and medicated and voila he attends work every day now. i do empathize with not being a morning person as i have a sleep disorder that means i get very little restful sleep but i drag my ass out of bed everyday because we need money to survive. he knew he was on thin ice and went ahead and sacrificed your families financial security and health insurance…he’s the ah.	nta choosing to leave a job by quitting and getting fired for cause are two very different things especially when something so important as health insurance is involved. how did he expect you to react to him getting fired?	nta. the insurance affects both of you, and presumably he's up too late and not adult enough to get to work on time? he's affecting your future too. will the new job ask why he was fired? (assuming there's no medical issue for him being tired in the morning)	null	null	null	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: long story short, my husband has a history of chronic lateness and has missed two meetings in the past two weeks at work. to be fair, the meetings seem way excessive but apparently they have a strict “miss two and you’re done rule” according to my husband. getting up in the morning has never been his forte, and these meetings were typically early. he hated that job so much and had been looking for something else. he is already in the process of getting another job which may take a few months to start due to background checks. i’ve joked multiple times that he just quit, but always come back with “kidding, we need health insurance” so i guess in his mind he thought i’d be ok with him losing his job. he keeps comparing it to him quitting, which i disagree with. the problem is, we do need health insurance (which i do not qualify for at my job due to my position). i’m also upset that he just assumed i’d be ok with his firing when he was aware he was on thin ice with attendance, being the primary insurance holder. he wants comfort, and i held my tongue/temper but it felt like i needed to coddle him immediately in order for my reaction to be ok. when i didn’t, he became defensive. his new job is not set in stone so i have high anxiety about financial security in the near future and i’m just pissed.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> long story short, my husband has a history of chronic lateness and has missed two meetings in the past two weeks at work. to be fair, the meetings seem way excessive but apparently they have a strict “miss two and you’re done rule” according to my husband. getting up in the morning has never been his forte, and these meetings were typically early. he hated that job so much and had been looking for something else. he is already in the process of getting another job which may take a few months to start due to background checks. i’ve joked multiple times that he just quit, but always come back with “kidding, we need health insurance” so i guess in his mind he thought i’d be ok with him losing his job. he keeps comparing it to him quitting, which i disagree with. the problem is, we do need health insurance (which i do not qualify for at my job due to my position). i’m also upset that he just assumed i’d be ok with his firing when he was aware he was on thin ice with attendance, being the primary insurance holder. he wants comfort, and i held my tongue/temper but it felt like i needed to coddle him immediately in order for my reaction to be ok. when i didn’t, he became defensive. his new job is not set in stone so i have high anxiety about financial security in the near future and i’m just pissed. [/INST] nta. why isn't he getting a temp job in the meantime? if you are in the us, every single place is hiring. </s>
AITA for calling my daughter entitled for rejecting the gently used sweatpants my girlfriend tried to gift her?	for the past year, my daughter (18f) and her peer group have been obsessed with aviator nation and free city sweatpants. every time a birthday or another special occasion comes along my daughter sends me a link to either of those websites and says this is at the top of her wish list. my ex is financially struggling right now because she’s trying to get her bearings in the workforce so my daughter only asks me. however i’ve usually gotten her something else because i felt that the sweats i saw her wearing that she got from lacrosse were good enough and sweatpants all really look the same. i was going over my credit card statements from last year in detail the other day and i saw that my girlfriend (21f) had made numerous purchases at free city a couple months ago. when we were having dinner later that evening i kind of joked about it in passing, asking if she liked free city too because my daughter was also obsessed by it. my girlfriend said it seemed pretty “ cool girl” at the time but now she’s bored of it and felt like a “hype beast” wearing it. she said she actually listed a few of them online but was annoyed at buyers haggling prices. i asked if instead of dealing with selling this for a fraction of its cost she’d rather just give it to my daughter. my girlfriend said sure and that she could give it to my daughter when she next came to visit. so my daughter comes to visit yesterday and i tell her that she’s always wanted free city and my girlfriend also happened to wear it. before my girlfriend came in my daughter immediately recoiled and said “ no dad- i don’t want hand me downs from your girlfriend.” my girlfriend comes in and shows my daughter the ones she had and asked if she wanted to try it on. my daughter says “ no thank you. really- i’m sure.” when my girlfriend was walking out the door my daughter said “ really dad? i don’t want her hand me downs- it’s so freaking weird. why can’t you buy me my own when it’s on sale?” i was pretty angry she so rudely rejected a kind gesture from myself and her girlfriend. and that she seems to think she’s too good for gently used sweatpants that she couldn’t afford on her own. i told my daughter that i’m pretty sure my girlfriend heard her and she needed to apologize for her words and her entitlement because i won’t tolerate it in my home. my daughter said she didn’t think she had anything to apologize her and i said i meant it when i said she needed to apologize for being too good for hand me downs. my daughter ended up getting up and angrily leaving without a goodbye. aita for being angry that my daughter rejected articles of clothing that she herself said that every girl under 25 in our part of california thought was cool?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ksmmcl/aita_for_calling_my_daughter_entitled_for/	2021-01-07 20:59:30	yta you funded your girlfriend's purchases of sweatpants she bought just to be trendy and then discarded (if i understand your post about going through your credit card statements right) but refused to let your daughter have them even though she expressed interest in them multiple times, showing this was a gift she would have cherished. then you offered your girlfriend's used sweatpants to your daughter. reading between the lines here, it sounds like they're pretty close in age. this is not the kind of relationship your daughter wants with your girlfriend; they aren't sisters. and giving your daughter your girlfriend's cast-offs sends the message to your daughter that she comes second and her wants are an afterthought.	your daughter already thinks it's weird you are dating someone basically her age. (21 vs 18) now you want them to dress alike. that must feel super skeevy to her. yta for not seeing that.	how old are you? how old is your girlfriend? why are you fine buying these sweatpants for your girlfriend and not for your daughter? i assume since you saw the purchases on your credit card statement that you paid for them. yta for saying that generic sweatpants are good enough for your daughter but then paying for the expensive ones for your girlfriend. you're a hypocrite.	yta. you saw your girlfriend put them on your card and it was fine. but your daughter's not worth the same sweatpants? frankly the hand me downs are not an ahole move but your attitude towards your daughter is	why are you dating a girl who is only 3 years older than your daughter, and why is your daughter not good enough to buy sweatpants for and your girlfriend is? yta	yta. you’re dating a girl barely 3 years older than your daughter and you don’t understand why your daughter doesn’t want to wear your young gf’s clothes? gross. so gross.	yta. i think your daughter may have had a problem not just because they were hand-me-downs, but because they were hand-me-downs from your girlfriend. your girlfriend who is young enough to unironically use words like "hype beast" i might add... you don't seem to care if your girlfriend uses your credit card to purchase several pairs for herself, without telling you, but you won't buy any for your daughter. that dynamic is why your daughter is pissed.	yta and i'm not really sure how this outcome is a surprise: * from her perspective, she said no, she didn't want them. then after she already said no, she was asked again, and said "no" more insistently, then was told she should have taken them anyway. your girlfriend didn't know that she'd be the second person to mention them, but frankly i'd be annoyed too if i already said i didn't want something and people kept pushing. i don't even know what you're talking about by "her words"; she was obviously trying to be polite around your girlfriend. * the point of a gift is that the recipient should enjoy it. if the recipient doesn't want it and you insist she takes it anyway, it isn't a gift anymore. (if it were me i'd wonder if she just wanted to get rid of the sweatpants by foisting it on whoever, because, well, that's not not what's happening.) * some people are grossed out by clothes that other people have sweated/spilled shit/who knows what on. personally i'm not, and i know not everyone is privileged enough to feel that, but if you're buying expensive hypebeast pants then that probably doesn't apply here. * the average 18-year-old is going to find hand-me-downs from his dad's girlfriend in her ~~30s/40s/whatever "so freaking weird." she just is. like, come on.~~ * i saw when i was writing this that you said your girlfriend was 21. so i feel pretty confident in saying that the average 18-year-old is going to find hand-me-downs from her dad's girlfriend her age extremely freaking weird and maybe even creepy.	yta have you ever considered that she's embarassed you're dating a child?	yta and the thing that bothers me is why you won't buy them for her for her birthday or anything. you say they're all the same to you... who cares? they're not for you. they're for your daughter. why can't you get her the gift she wants for a special ocassion? and obviously it's not the fact that they're hand me downs that's a problem, it's that they're from your girlfriend.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for the past year, my daughter (18f) and her peer group have been obsessed with aviator nation and free city sweatpants. every time a birthday or another special occasion comes along my daughter sends me a link to either of those websites and says this is at the top of her wish list. my ex is financially struggling right now because she’s trying to get her bearings in the workforce so my daughter only asks me. however i’ve usually gotten her something else because i felt that the sweats i saw her wearing that she got from lacrosse were good enough and sweatpants all really look the same. i was going over my credit card statements from last year in detail the other day and i saw that my girlfriend (21f) had made numerous purchases at free city a couple months ago. when we were having dinner later that evening i kind of joked about it in passing, asking if she liked free city too because my daughter was also obsessed by it. my girlfriend said it seemed pretty “ cool girl” at the time but now she’s bored of it and felt like a “hype beast” wearing it. she said she actually listed a few of them online but was annoyed at buyers haggling prices. i asked if instead of dealing with selling this for a fraction of its cost she’d rather just give it to my daughter. my girlfriend said sure and that she could give it to my daughter when she next came to visit. so my daughter comes to visit yesterday and i tell her that she’s always wanted free city and my girlfriend also happened to wear it. before my girlfriend came in my daughter immediately recoiled and said “ no dad- i don’t want hand me downs from your girlfriend.” my girlfriend comes in and shows my daughter the ones she had and asked if she wanted to try it on. my daughter says “ no thank you. really- i’m sure.” when my girlfriend was walking out the door my daughter said “ really dad? i don’t want her hand me downs- it’s so freaking weird. why can’t you buy me my own when it’s on sale?” i was pretty angry she so rudely rejected a kind gesture from myself and her girlfriend. and that she seems to think she’s too good for gently used sweatpants that she couldn’t afford on her own. i told my daughter that i’m pretty sure my girlfriend heard her and she needed to apologize for her words and her entitlement because i won’t tolerate it in my home. my daughter said she didn’t think she had anything to apologize her and i said i meant it when i said she needed to apologize for being too good for hand me downs. my daughter ended up getting up and angrily leaving without a goodbye. aita for being angry that my daughter rejected articles of clothing that she herself said that every girl under 25 in our part of california thought was cool?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> for the past year, my daughter (18f) and her peer group have been obsessed with aviator nation and free city sweatpants. every time a birthday or another special occasion comes along my daughter sends me a link to either of those websites and says this is at the top of her wish list. my ex is financially struggling right now because she’s trying to get her bearings in the workforce so my daughter only asks me. however i’ve usually gotten her something else because i felt that the sweats i saw her wearing that she got from lacrosse were good enough and sweatpants all really look the same. i was going over my credit card statements from last year in detail the other day and i saw that my girlfriend (21f) had made numerous purchases at free city a couple months ago. when we were having dinner later that evening i kind of joked about it in passing, asking if she liked free city too because my daughter was also obsessed by it. my girlfriend said it seemed pretty “ cool girl” at the time but now she’s bored of it and felt like a “hype beast” wearing it. she said she actually listed a few of them online but was annoyed at buyers haggling prices. i asked if instead of dealing with selling this for a fraction of its cost she’d rather just give it to my daughter. my girlfriend said sure and that she could give it to my daughter when she next came to visit. so my daughter comes to visit yesterday and i tell her that she’s always wanted free city and my girlfriend also happened to wear it. before my girlfriend came in my daughter immediately recoiled and said “ no dad- i don’t want hand me downs from your girlfriend.” my girlfriend comes in and shows my daughter the ones she had and asked if she wanted to try it on. my daughter says “ no thank you. really- i’m sure.” when my girlfriend was walking out the door my daughter said “ really dad? i don’t want her hand me downs- it’s so freaking weird. why can’t you buy me my own when it’s on sale?” i was pretty angry she so rudely rejected a kind gesture from myself and her girlfriend. and that she seems to think she’s too good for gently used sweatpants that she couldn’t afford on her own. i told my daughter that i’m pretty sure my girlfriend heard her and she needed to apologize for her words and her entitlement because i won’t tolerate it in my home. my daughter said she didn’t think she had anything to apologize her and i said i meant it when i said she needed to apologize for being too good for hand me downs. my daughter ended up getting up and angrily leaving without a goodbye. aita for being angry that my daughter rejected articles of clothing that she herself said that every girl under 25 in our part of california thought was cool? [/INST] yta you funded your girlfriend's purchases of sweatpants she bought just to be trendy and then discarded (if i understand your post about going through your credit card statements right) but refused to let your daughter have them even though she expressed interest in them multiple times, showing this was a gift she would have cherished. then you offered your girlfriend's used sweatpants to your daughter. reading between the lines here, it sounds like they're pretty close in age. this is not the kind of relationship your daughter wants with your girlfriend; they aren't sisters. and giving your daughter your girlfriend's cast-offs sends the message to your daughter that she comes second and her wants are an afterthought. </s>
WIBTA if I let my aunt know why we aren’t coming to thanksgiving	so quick backstory. 1.5 yrs my kiddos have been gluten free. oldest has gluten ataxia (loses ability to walk and is wheelchair bound) little was suspected celiacs at the same time due to failure to thrive, eating issues and the fact that big sister has gluten ataxia but testing site shut down due to c. my parents agreed to follow. they did for the oldest but would sneak the little (now 5) gluten stuff bc i was “pushing my illnesses off on my children”. we recently found out when doing the gluten challenge that they had been giving her gluten here and there bc she was missing out on so much and a little won’t hurt. (we had a come to jesus meeting.) a day or two before celiac testing my mom informed me that thanksgiving would be at their place (2 hrs away) at 11 am. if my family wanted “special” food i would need to bring it bc she’s not making accommodations. (no one else has “food allergies” in the family.) i’m cool bringing some sides we can eat bc i expected her to at least make sure the seasoning used on the turkey and potatoes to be gluten feee. nope...not this year. so i said we wouldn’t be coming. i’m not getting up at 4 to cook an entire thanksgiving meal, transport it 2 hrs and heat it up like left overs and drive it back home. so here is my question. wibta if i messaged my aunt and explained why we won’t be there instead of my mom’s bs answer she will give? i know it will tick my parents off.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yvvf9u/wibta_if_i_let_my_aunt_know_why_we_arent_coming/	2022-11-15 12:13:29	nta - at all. i mean how hard is it to make turkey & mash potatoes gluten free? it starts off that way! you literally have to add gluten based seasoning. just don’t use prepackaged seasonings with fillers or bulking agents, use actual herbs and spices and fresh ground salt & pepper. especially your mom is in the wrong if you’ve offered to bring your own sides, it’s really minimal consideration you’re asking for.	nta as long as you don't insert personal commentary. just a simple explanation that you need to prepare a gluten free meal for your kids because they have ataxia and get sick on traditional thanksgiving food. your mom knows why you're not attending. if she wants to spend holidays with her grandkids, she'll have to be more accomodating in the future. the fact that she sneaks treats to the five year old is awful and shows a lack of respect and concern. i wouldn't let them babysit until you're confident they've stopped that behavior.	nta what kind of seasoning has gluten? your dear mom is going out of her way to make sure your family is not welcome, off course you should make sure everyone knows why you will not be going.	nta. if they can’t be accommodating, then they can’t be upset. that’s good hosting 101. honestly i wouldn’t even trust them to tell you the truth at this point if they did say they would accommodate. they clearly don’t respect your parenting decisions.	the truth shall set you free .... lay your mother's shit bare. i had a friend that bitched and complained about what wasn't allowed in school lunches due to allergies. her next child ended up with so many allergies. food intolerance is not a joke. would your mother give dairy to someone that's lactose intolerant? just the fact that she is sneaking gluten food to your youngest child is gross negligence. people have the right to choose what goes in our bodies. but definitely don't hide why your not going. get the truth out there before she tells a very different tale.	nta it’s unreasonable to go through all of that hassle. i would suggest setting up a whatsapp group(other messaging services are available) and saying you can’t come and why to the important parties. then there can’t be any possibility of “miscommunication”(lies)	they sound selfish and clueless. i wouldn't risk the health of my kids around them.	ywnbta &#x200b; you are fine to tell your aunt, why ever would you cover for your prent's lies?	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so quick backstory. 1.5 yrs my kiddos have been gluten free. oldest has gluten ataxia (loses ability to walk and is wheelchair bound) little was suspected celiacs at the same time due to failure to thrive, eating issues and the fact that big sister has gluten ataxia but testing site shut down due to c. my parents agreed to follow. they did for the oldest but would sneak the little (now 5) gluten stuff bc i was “pushing my illnesses off on my children”. we recently found out when doing the gluten challenge that they had been giving her gluten here and there bc she was missing out on so much and a little won’t hurt. (we had a come to jesus meeting.) a day or two before celiac testing my mom informed me that thanksgiving would be at their place (2 hrs away) at 11 am. if my family wanted “special” food i would need to bring it bc she’s not making accommodations. (no one else has “food allergies” in the family.) i’m cool bringing some sides we can eat bc i expected her to at least make sure the seasoning used on the turkey and potatoes to be gluten feee. nope...not this year. so i said we wouldn’t be coming. i’m not getting up at 4 to cook an entire thanksgiving meal, transport it 2 hrs and heat it up like left overs and drive it back home. so here is my question. wibta if i messaged my aunt and explained why we won’t be there instead of my mom’s bs answer she will give? i know it will tick my parents off.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so quick backstory. 1.5 yrs my kiddos have been gluten free. oldest has gluten ataxia (loses ability to walk and is wheelchair bound) little was suspected celiacs at the same time due to failure to thrive, eating issues and the fact that big sister has gluten ataxia but testing site shut down due to c. my parents agreed to follow. they did for the oldest but would sneak the little (now 5) gluten stuff bc i was “pushing my illnesses off on my children”. we recently found out when doing the gluten challenge that they had been giving her gluten here and there bc she was missing out on so much and a little won’t hurt. (we had a come to jesus meeting.) a day or two before celiac testing my mom informed me that thanksgiving would be at their place (2 hrs away) at 11 am. if my family wanted “special” food i would need to bring it bc she’s not making accommodations. (no one else has “food allergies” in the family.) i’m cool bringing some sides we can eat bc i expected her to at least make sure the seasoning used on the turkey and potatoes to be gluten feee. nope...not this year. so i said we wouldn’t be coming. i’m not getting up at 4 to cook an entire thanksgiving meal, transport it 2 hrs and heat it up like left overs and drive it back home. so here is my question. wibta if i messaged my aunt and explained why we won’t be there instead of my mom’s bs answer she will give? i know it will tick my parents off. [/INST] nta - at all. i mean how hard is it to make turkey & mash potatoes gluten free? it starts off that way! you literally have to add gluten based seasoning. just don’t use prepackaged seasonings with fillers or bulking agents, use actual herbs and spices and fresh ground salt & pepper. especially your mom is in the wrong if you’ve offered to bring your own sides, it’s really minimal consideration you’re asking for. </s>
AITA for getting angry with one of my friends when he told me that I'm not actually pansexual but in fact, I am gay?	i believe that i am pansexual because i don't care what you identify as for me to be attracted to you. if i like you, then i like you. it's that simple for me. but a friend of mine was talking about this and he dismissed me. he said that me being pansexual was out of the question because i've never slept with a woman. i have slept with a guy though, once. i've also never been on a lot of dates (no sex). just a few, and about 60% (say) was with a guy. this was his reason for me actually being gay and not pansexual.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f4dkqf/aita_for_getting_angry_with_one_of_my_friends/	2020-02-15 18:39:21	nta your friend doesn’t get to decide for you	nta your friend's an ass. no one gets to dictate to you what your sexuality is, and the reasoning that you can't know till you've had sex with someone is both homophobic and acephobic.	nta. your friend is a jerk, and aside from that, is bad at logic. by this reasoning, every virgin is ace, and every person in the closet is actually straight. it's just a stupid rebuttal. you are the only one who gets to have a say in what your sexuality is.	nta. your friend sounds unintentionally homophobic (yes) and uneducated. your feelings make the sexuality, not the actions. i am bisexual, but i am getting married to a man and have never actually dated a woman. but i still like tiddies. if your friend continues to push this weird agenda of correcting your sexuality i'd consider removing the "friend" title. it's your decision and your decision only. also, you perfectly described pansexuality with your feelings towards sex and dating. there are no "technicalities" in sexuality.	nta. you’re the only one who gets to define yourself.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i believe that i am pansexual because i don't care what you identify as for me to be attracted to you. if i like you, then i like you. it's that simple for me. but a friend of mine was talking about this and he dismissed me. he said that me being pansexual was out of the question because i've never slept with a woman. i have slept with a guy though, once. i've also never been on a lot of dates (no sex). just a few, and about 60% (say) was with a guy. this was his reason for me actually being gay and not pansexual.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i believe that i am pansexual because i don't care what you identify as for me to be attracted to you. if i like you, then i like you. it's that simple for me. but a friend of mine was talking about this and he dismissed me. he said that me being pansexual was out of the question because i've never slept with a woman. i have slept with a guy though, once. i've also never been on a lot of dates (no sex). just a few, and about 60% (say) was with a guy. this was his reason for me actually being gay and not pansexual. [/INST] nta your friend doesn’t get to decide for you </s>
AITA for not giving groceries back?	one of the craziest things happened today that was so bizarre! i work from home, my mom and grandma live with me. my grandma is gone and i thought my mom had just left. i go upstairs to go back to work and it’s been about 40 min since i thought my mom left. suddenly my dogs freak out and banging on my door. i open it and some lady who is visibly upset tells me “where are my f-ing groceries” and i was taken aback and didn’t know what she was talking about and say this so she shows me a photo of a walmart delivery and my door… and again no idea what she is talking about but my mom constantly gets deliveries at our house so she can take them to my grandpa (her dad) so i’m like maybe she thought it was hers and took them since that’s where she was headed so i try and call, no answer so i tell her when she calls back or comes back i’ll see if she has them. i get her # and she leaves begrudgingly because i tell her i need to go back to work. then all of a sudden my mom comes upstairs and i tell her what happens and she’s like oh no i thought those were yours so i put them away (side note i’m an organizing freak so pretty much everything is taken out of packaging and put into bins/storage containers) so i’m like crap…so i go look through everything and this lady says it’s over $300 of food which i am not seeing, so i call walmart customer care, explain the situation and they tell me they will be refunding her and re-adding her things to get her delivery and i ask them to make sure they send her an email and to send one to me so i can prove it. i text her (from an app) tell her this, and then not to come over again because one, creepy to find someone’s house, and two i work from home. i don’t hear from her so i think it’s settled.. like hours go by and she starts banging on my door and shouting to open the f-ing door etc. i don’t. this happens two more times i ignore her because she’s really giving me bad anxiety and then she sends her husband i assume to do the same. so aita for not giving her the items back?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v846n1/aita_for_not_giving_groceries_back/	2022-06-09 00:29:27	nta, it was a genuine mistake and it's pretty hard to give the stuff back if it's not in it's original packaging and in containers. sounds like you solved the problem for her too, getting her a refund. now she's just being an ah.	nta you weren't even part of the initial problem. anyone who aggressively knocks at my door is immediately going to to make me not willing to work directly with them.	nta. you did beyond the due diligence of someone who was given the wrong groceries. im wondering why she didn't take it out on customer care and thought coming to you would help her in any way.	nta walmart is making right and it was a legitimate mistake. since the groceries had been put away already there was not much you could do. if she or her husband return call the police.	nta. at. all. it was walmart's mistake. they refunded her. case closed. you are now the happy owner of 300$ of groceries that were delivered to your door by mistake. this lady is not entitled to it : she got her refund.	nta. it was all just an honest mistake, and since the store was fixing it, there was nothing more for you to do. i wouldn't have answered the door again either. she clearly wasn't coming back for any polite reason.	nta. she's getting a refund and her things are being re-added so she'll be fine. also the first set of items were removed from their proper packaging and it just wouldn't make sense to give those back.	nta unfortunately this is quite common (for the grocery delivery). i can understand she was quite upset at not receiving her groceries but she should not have taken it out on your.	you should probably get a camera on your outside property.	nta you checked with walmart about it and they said they’d handle it. at that point your job is done. it’s not like you intercepted their new delivery or anything. they got refunded and got their groceries. none of which involved you.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: one of the craziest things happened today that was so bizarre! i work from home, my mom and grandma live with me. my grandma is gone and i thought my mom had just left. i go upstairs to go back to work and it’s been about 40 min since i thought my mom left. suddenly my dogs freak out and banging on my door. i open it and some lady who is visibly upset tells me “where are my f-ing groceries” and i was taken aback and didn’t know what she was talking about and say this so she shows me a photo of a walmart delivery and my door… and again no idea what she is talking about but my mom constantly gets deliveries at our house so she can take them to my grandpa (her dad) so i’m like maybe she thought it was hers and took them since that’s where she was headed so i try and call, no answer so i tell her when she calls back or comes back i’ll see if she has them. i get her # and she leaves begrudgingly because i tell her i need to go back to work. then all of a sudden my mom comes upstairs and i tell her what happens and she’s like oh no i thought those were yours so i put them away (side note i’m an organizing freak so pretty much everything is taken out of packaging and put into bins/storage containers) so i’m like crap…so i go look through everything and this lady says it’s over $300 of food which i am not seeing, so i call walmart customer care, explain the situation and they tell me they will be refunding her and re-adding her things to get her delivery and i ask them to make sure they send her an email and to send one to me so i can prove it. i text her (from an app) tell her this, and then not to come over again because one, creepy to find someone’s house, and two i work from home. i don’t hear from her so i think it’s settled.. like hours go by and she starts banging on my door and shouting to open the f-ing door etc. i don’t. this happens two more times i ignore her because she’s really giving me bad anxiety and then she sends her husband i assume to do the same. so aita for not giving her the items back?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> one of the craziest things happened today that was so bizarre! i work from home, my mom and grandma live with me. my grandma is gone and i thought my mom had just left. i go upstairs to go back to work and it’s been about 40 min since i thought my mom left. suddenly my dogs freak out and banging on my door. i open it and some lady who is visibly upset tells me “where are my f-ing groceries” and i was taken aback and didn’t know what she was talking about and say this so she shows me a photo of a walmart delivery and my door… and again no idea what she is talking about but my mom constantly gets deliveries at our house so she can take them to my grandpa (her dad) so i’m like maybe she thought it was hers and took them since that’s where she was headed so i try and call, no answer so i tell her when she calls back or comes back i’ll see if she has them. i get her # and she leaves begrudgingly because i tell her i need to go back to work. then all of a sudden my mom comes upstairs and i tell her what happens and she’s like oh no i thought those were yours so i put them away (side note i’m an organizing freak so pretty much everything is taken out of packaging and put into bins/storage containers) so i’m like crap…so i go look through everything and this lady says it’s over $300 of food which i am not seeing, so i call walmart customer care, explain the situation and they tell me they will be refunding her and re-adding her things to get her delivery and i ask them to make sure they send her an email and to send one to me so i can prove it. i text her (from an app) tell her this, and then not to come over again because one, creepy to find someone’s house, and two i work from home. i don’t hear from her so i think it’s settled.. like hours go by and she starts banging on my door and shouting to open the f-ing door etc. i don’t. this happens two more times i ignore her because she’s really giving me bad anxiety and then she sends her husband i assume to do the same. so aita for not giving her the items back? [/INST] nta, it was a genuine mistake and it's pretty hard to give the stuff back if it's not in it's original packaging and in containers. sounds like you solved the problem for her too, getting her a refund. now she's just being an ah. </s>
AITA for liking cheap coffee?	so i'm staying with my parents atm, when i came up i brought the cheap, supermarket own brand coffee that i like, and i keep it in my suitcase, as i'm sleeping on the sofa. &#x200b; my mother confronted me this morning, saying i'm a bastard for not replacing their coffee when i used the last of it... thing is, i've never used their coffee. they have some fancy stuff that is nearly £30 for half the amount i pay £1 for. i told her i didn't and don't drink their coffee, and she started shouting that i should have replaced it anyway. &#x200b; just for a reality check, aita?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ikhsqr/aita_for_liking_cheap_coffee/	2020-09-01 10:26:14	nta...tell your mother that she needs to switch to decaf.	nta- don’t let her get in your head, she’s trying to play with your emotions and manipulate you in to replacing her coffee... but £30? does it have gold flakes? a crystal jar?	i'm so confused here but nta - you didn't drink it, not yours to replace, you have your own. your mum sounds a bit... much.	nta. unless a leprechaun pissed gold into it, coffee is not worth 30 quid. i drink the own brand lidl tea and love it.	i think your mothers coffee is probably way too bitter.. nta.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i'm staying with my parents atm, when i came up i brought the cheap, supermarket own brand coffee that i like, and i keep it in my suitcase, as i'm sleeping on the sofa. &#x200b; my mother confronted me this morning, saying i'm a bastard for not replacing their coffee when i used the last of it... thing is, i've never used their coffee. they have some fancy stuff that is nearly £30 for half the amount i pay £1 for. i told her i didn't and don't drink their coffee, and she started shouting that i should have replaced it anyway. &#x200b; just for a reality check, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i'm staying with my parents atm, when i came up i brought the cheap, supermarket own brand coffee that i like, and i keep it in my suitcase, as i'm sleeping on the sofa. &#x200b; my mother confronted me this morning, saying i'm a bastard for not replacing their coffee when i used the last of it... thing is, i've never used their coffee. they have some fancy stuff that is nearly £30 for half the amount i pay £1 for. i told her i didn't and don't drink their coffee, and she started shouting that i should have replaced it anyway. &#x200b; just for a reality check, aita? [/INST] nta...tell your mother that she needs to switch to decaf. </s>
AITA for refusing to give up my own room for my Aunt?	i [m18] was approached by my mom [f53] this morning, and she told me that i will be moving into the basement tomorrow. obviously i was very confused, my father [m52] just finished renovating my room so i was already kicked out of it for a few days due to potentially toxic fumes and noise. safe to say i was very relieved to finally have my bed back once his little project was done. to be told i was going to leave for seemingly no reason right after seemed bizarre to me. it was then she told me, that my aunt [f60] will be taking my room for her remainder of her time here in the united states, as she will be visiting her son/my cousin [m35], who will also be living with us for a time. although my cousin will be sleeping on the couch, i will be sent to our basement which has a pretty good guest room, while my aunt takes my room. i immediately asked as to why she would take my room when we have a perfectly good guest room, y’know… made for guests. as to which she responded that with my room she has an easier time getting to the bathroom. now i was very fortunate to have a bathroom inside my room and i admit, it is super convenient, but the guest room also has a bathroom directly up a stairs, that are also directly next to the guest room door. to my knowledge, she has zero mobility issues. she would also have to go up an even longer staircase to get to my room in the first place. not to mention, this is the last month in my room for a very long time. i will be going to basic training for the usmc in about a month. after that, i fly out hundreds of miles away for college. moving out of my room would also prove a little difficult, our internet isn’t the best so i hooked up my pc to the ethernet since my router is inside my room. while in the basement, the wifi is nearly unusable and we don’t have hotspots. i also need my pc so i can video call my tutor, so i can pass in my missing assessments for pre-calc and graduate since they’ve told me i will not get it until i pass it all in. my college has also been requesting my final transcript which is not complete until everything is in. it’s not something i can delay any further, since basic will keep me occupied the entire summer. for now, i’ve refused to leave my room but i am unsure if that is the right choice. am i the asshole?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/umx6c9/aita_for_refusing_to_give_up_my_own_room_for_my/	2022-05-11 00:35:46	nta. if your aunt really wants your room she can just wait a month until you leave. it’s very odd that your parents are forcing you out when you’re going to leaving soon anyways.	nta, it's your room, ask them to give up their room instead.	nta and you have good reason to	info: does your aunt have a medical condition that requires using a bathroom multiple times?	your mom may not be really aware of the internet connectivity issue and how important it is. have you explained that part to her the way you did here?	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	null	null	null	null	null	null	0.027063	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i [m18] was approached by my mom [f53] this morning, and she told me that i will be moving into the basement tomorrow. obviously i was very confused, my father [m52] just finished renovating my room so i was already kicked out of it for a few days due to potentially toxic fumes and noise. safe to say i was very relieved to finally have my bed back once his little project was done. to be told i was going to leave for seemingly no reason right after seemed bizarre to me. it was then she told me, that my aunt [f60] will be taking my room for her remainder of her time here in the united states, as she will be visiting her son/my cousin [m35], who will also be living with us for a time. although my cousin will be sleeping on the couch, i will be sent to our basement which has a pretty good guest room, while my aunt takes my room. i immediately asked as to why she would take my room when we have a perfectly good guest room, y’know… made for guests. as to which she responded that with my room she has an easier time getting to the bathroom. now i was very fortunate to have a bathroom inside my room and i admit, it is super convenient, but the guest room also has a bathroom directly up a stairs, that are also directly next to the guest room door. to my knowledge, she has zero mobility issues. she would also have to go up an even longer staircase to get to my room in the first place. not to mention, this is the last month in my room for a very long time. i will be going to basic training for the usmc in about a month. after that, i fly out hundreds of miles away for college. moving out of my room would also prove a little difficult, our internet isn’t the best so i hooked up my pc to the ethernet since my router is inside my room. while in the basement, the wifi is nearly unusable and we don’t have hotspots. i also need my pc so i can video call my tutor, so i can pass in my missing assessments for pre-calc and graduate since they’ve told me i will not get it until i pass it all in. my college has also been requesting my final transcript which is not complete until everything is in. it’s not something i can delay any further, since basic will keep me occupied the entire summer. for now, i’ve refused to leave my room but i am unsure if that is the right choice. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i [m18] was approached by my mom [f53] this morning, and she told me that i will be moving into the basement tomorrow. obviously i was very confused, my father [m52] just finished renovating my room so i was already kicked out of it for a few days due to potentially toxic fumes and noise. safe to say i was very relieved to finally have my bed back once his little project was done. to be told i was going to leave for seemingly no reason right after seemed bizarre to me. it was then she told me, that my aunt [f60] will be taking my room for her remainder of her time here in the united states, as she will be visiting her son/my cousin [m35], who will also be living with us for a time. although my cousin will be sleeping on the couch, i will be sent to our basement which has a pretty good guest room, while my aunt takes my room. i immediately asked as to why she would take my room when we have a perfectly good guest room, y’know… made for guests. as to which she responded that with my room she has an easier time getting to the bathroom. now i was very fortunate to have a bathroom inside my room and i admit, it is super convenient, but the guest room also has a bathroom directly up a stairs, that are also directly next to the guest room door. to my knowledge, she has zero mobility issues. she would also have to go up an even longer staircase to get to my room in the first place. not to mention, this is the last month in my room for a very long time. i will be going to basic training for the usmc in about a month. after that, i fly out hundreds of miles away for college. moving out of my room would also prove a little difficult, our internet isn’t the best so i hooked up my pc to the ethernet since my router is inside my room. while in the basement, the wifi is nearly unusable and we don’t have hotspots. i also need my pc so i can video call my tutor, so i can pass in my missing assessments for pre-calc and graduate since they’ve told me i will not get it until i pass it all in. my college has also been requesting my final transcript which is not complete until everything is in. it’s not something i can delay any further, since basic will keep me occupied the entire summer. for now, i’ve refused to leave my room but i am unsure if that is the right choice. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. if your aunt really wants your room she can just wait a month until you leave. it’s very odd that your parents are forcing you out when you’re going to leaving soon anyways. </s>
AITA for not wanting to go to Branson, MO because I’m BIPOC?	my mother in law loves taking a family vacations throughout the year. i am black the only place she wants to go is branson, missouri, which is covered in confederate flags and racism. i have gone many times but i have asked my husband to go alone sometimes because this particular location tends to have a racist feel... also it gets boring, but i’ve never actually communicated the boring part. however, i’ve been tactfully clear about the racist feel and my discomfort. when my husband and i have suggested we go on family vacations to a different place, we have been reprimanded by his mother. aita for refusing to go to branson, missouri throughout the year?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kqnewy/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_branson_mo_because/	2021-01-05 01:36:50	nta: you've been there before and feel uncomfortable. that's a fair thing to say. his mother sounds boring. and maybe a bit racist	nta. branson isn't exactly my idea of a good time, either. but why is mil dictating where your family goes on holiday in the first place? i'd rather stick a fork in my eye than have my vacation time spent coordinating sightseeing with the inlaws.	nta if you're old enough to be married, you're old enough to not go on vacation with your in-laws. just say no and stick to your boundaries.	nta. the reaction your mil should have had when you said, by the way branson is racist af, is embarrassment that she/the rest of your family never noticed, and then never invite you or your husband to branson every again. i also feel like your husband should be skipping these vacations with you. he should be learning how to be actively anti-racist and not subjecting you to his family's bs.	nta. not only is branson racist as all get out, it's lame as all get out too. it's got all the kitschy "southern" vibes of somewhere like nashville without any of the culture, history, or decent food. there's one redeeming quality of branson and that's silver dollar city. stand your ground, and if your mother wants to go solo, she's free to. take your vacations somewhere you and your husband can have a good time; you can even plan the family vacation and invite her along.	nta. she is completely unreasonable to expect to get to run all vacations of every family member. that is ridiculous and i am disgusted with your husband for not backing you up on this. you two should go on vacations that you both enjoy. i have no idea about branson but you shouldn’t go there if you don’t feel comfortable there. and you shouldn’t be expected to spend all vacation time with mil!	nta- i’m a mixed-raced black woman, born and raised in california and i won’t ever travel to the bible belt. no thanks.	nta you should feel safe when you vacation, your mil is the ah don’t let her bully you on this.	nta i’m a white lady who grew up in arkansas. hell, branson is too redneck for me!!	nta branson is just like vegas...if it were run by ned flanders.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mother in law loves taking a family vacations throughout the year. i am black the only place she wants to go is branson, missouri, which is covered in confederate flags and racism. i have gone many times but i have asked my husband to go alone sometimes because this particular location tends to have a racist feel... also it gets boring, but i’ve never actually communicated the boring part. however, i’ve been tactfully clear about the racist feel and my discomfort. when my husband and i have suggested we go on family vacations to a different place, we have been reprimanded by his mother. aita for refusing to go to branson, missouri throughout the year?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my mother in law loves taking a family vacations throughout the year. i am black the only place she wants to go is branson, missouri, which is covered in confederate flags and racism. i have gone many times but i have asked my husband to go alone sometimes because this particular location tends to have a racist feel... also it gets boring, but i’ve never actually communicated the boring part. however, i’ve been tactfully clear about the racist feel and my discomfort. when my husband and i have suggested we go on family vacations to a different place, we have been reprimanded by his mother. aita for refusing to go to branson, missouri throughout the year? [/INST] nta: you've been there before and feel uncomfortable. that's a fair thing to say. his mother sounds boring. and maybe a bit racist </s>
WIBTA if I confronted my girlfriend about her telling people about my autism?	this needs quite a bit of context but i’ll try to be as concise as possible. i have autism, specifically asperger’s syndrome. i hate it. it’s caused me no end of problems in my life and it makes me feel like an idiot on a daily basis. over many years i have managed to teach myself how to do a pretty good job of hiding it, because i don’t want everybody to know about it. i find it extremely embarrassing and i hate the idea of people treating me differently because of it, even if they’re just trying to be nice. my girlfriend, of course, knows about it and has had to deal with all of my struggles for the duration of our relationship. i started a new job in december last year and my girlfriend spent many months putting pressure on me to tell my boss about my autism because she thought it would be beneficial for him to know so he can accommodate me more if i have any problems. i tried saying that i wasn’t comfortable doing it but if i felt it was having a negative impact i would mention it. she continued pressuring me until i eventually, reluctantly, told my boss. and then last night i was borrowing my girlfriend’s phone for something and accidentally saw a snippet of her conversation with a girl we’ll call g. so g and i have known each other for about 12 years, have been friends for about 7 of those, and have become somewhat close over the last year or so. my girlfriend met g for the first time about 6 months ago and have been texting back and forth for about a week max.i can’t really remember if g ever knew about my autism because i’ve known her for so long, but if she did i would only have mentioned it in passing and played it down a lot. in the snippet of text conversation i saw, my girlfriend was talking to g about how she loves me but my autism “is so much worse than it seems.” i feel super embarrassed now and don’t really feel like speaking to g anymore at the moment because of it. i’m very upset that my girlfriend feels she has the right to decide who should and shouldn’t know about my autism. i don’t really mind her telling her friends about it because sometimes she needs to vent and that’s fine, but i’m hurt that she would embarrass me by telling my friend and pressuring me into telling my boss. wibta if i confronted her about this? i know she isn’t trying to hurt me and probably only does it because she wants to help, and she doesn’t think it’s anything to be embarrassed about, but at the same time she knows i hate my autism and i feel like i should be the one who decides who knows about it.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gxlp7b/wibta_if_i_confronted_my_girlfriend_about_her/	2020-06-06 06:16:29	nta. i'm gonna be blunt. it kind of sounds like she's using your autism to get pity points for herself or to make herself feel like she's this incredible girlfriend for helping her autistic partner through life because your autism is 'so bad.' i would be upset too if i were you. i'm sorry dude	not going to make a judgment here, but i have to warn you, it may not be the big secret you think it is, there's a real possibility she assumes your boss already knows the situation from your behavior, and shes more than likely right. just speaking from my own experience though.	nta, my brother confronted me about doing something similar about his autism, it’s your choice who gets to know, and if she can’t respect that she need to do some serious reflecting	nta, but rather than confront i would say have a discussion with. she should not have bullied you into telling your boss. it should be your decision when and if to tell the people in your life. however, you are going to have to make concessions for her. your aspergers is a part of her life, and she needs people to talk to it about the same way people talk to others about various relationships problems. i was in a relationship with someone who was bipolar and my two closest friends were aware because i needed to talk about things with people, and vent, and get advice. maybe talk with her to see if she can agree to limit the number of people she tells, and/or at least have her make you aware of who knows and who doesn't. it is not fair for you to wonder who she has told.	nta, of course you have a right to assert boundaries about who gets to know your personal medical information. perhaps it might help to phrase it to your gf in this way, in addition to explaining the things you said here in your post. just, if i may offer unsolicited advice, it seems like you're expending a lot of physical and mental effort on hiding your struggles, and for all that you're still anxious and feeling "like an idiot" every day. this is huge stress on you, and also, on the people who do know and are being asked, essentially, to cover for you. if you need accommodations and aren't using them for fear of what people think, that seems like punishing yourself when perhaps you could work on your fear instead. i'm legally blind in a way that's not obvious on first glance (i walk around without a cane and can read large print). would you say it's reasonable for me to pretend to have no eyesight problems at all? even to the point of pretending i can drive a car? i would definitely get into an accident and kill someone, but if it happens out of sight of those people whose opinion i value, is that somehow worth it? i wonder what would happen if you told your close friends more about what's happening with you. especially if you prefaced it with saying you don't want to be treated differently, i think a lot more people than you expect would understand.	ywnbta it is your personal information, not hers so you can choose to hide it.	null	null	null	null	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this needs quite a bit of context but i’ll try to be as concise as possible. i have autism, specifically asperger’s syndrome. i hate* it. it’s caused me no end of problems in my life and it makes me feel like an idiot on a daily basis. over many years i have managed to teach myself how to do a pretty good job of hiding it, because i don’t want everybody to know about it. i find it extremely embarrassing and i hate the idea of people treating me differently because of it, even if they’re just trying to be nice. my girlfriend, of course, knows about it and has had to deal with all of my struggles for the duration of our relationship. i started a new job in december last year and my girlfriend spent many months putting pressure on me to tell my boss about my autism because she thought it would be beneficial for him to know so he can accommodate me more if i have any problems. i tried saying that i wasn’t comfortable doing it but if i felt it was having a negative impact i would mention it. she continued pressuring me until i eventually, reluctantly, told my boss. and then last night i was borrowing my girlfriend’s phone for something and accidentally saw a snippet of her conversation with a girl we’ll call g. so g and i have known each other for about 12 years, have been friends for about 7 of those, and have become somewhat close over the last year or so. my girlfriend met g for the first time about 6 months ago and have been texting back and forth for about a week max.i can’t really remember if g ever knew about my autism because i’ve known her for so long, but if she did i would only have mentioned it in passing and played it down a lot. in the snippet of text conversation i saw, my girlfriend was talking to g about how she loves me but my autism “is so much worse than it seems.” i feel super embarrassed now and don’t really feel like speaking to g anymore at the moment because of it. i’m very upset that my girlfriend feels she has the right to decide who should and shouldn’t know about my autism. i don’t really mind her telling her friends about it because sometimes she needs to vent and that’s fine, but i’m hurt that she would embarrass me by telling my friend and pressuring me into telling my boss. wibta if i confronted her about this? i know she isn’t trying to hurt me and probably only does it because she wants to help, and she doesn’t think it’s anything to be embarrassed about, but at the same time she knows i hate my autism and i feel like i should be the one who decides who knows about it.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> this needs quite a bit of context but i’ll try to be as concise as possible. i have autism, specifically asperger’s syndrome. i hate* it. it’s caused me no end of problems in my life and it makes me feel like an idiot on a daily basis. over many years i have managed to teach myself how to do a pretty good job of hiding it, because i don’t want everybody to know about it. i find it extremely embarrassing and i hate the idea of people treating me differently because of it, even if they’re just trying to be nice. my girlfriend, of course, knows about it and has had to deal with all of my struggles for the duration of our relationship. i started a new job in december last year and my girlfriend spent many months putting pressure on me to tell my boss about my autism because she thought it would be beneficial for him to know so he can accommodate me more if i have any problems. i tried saying that i wasn’t comfortable doing it but if i felt it was having a negative impact i would mention it. she continued pressuring me until i eventually, reluctantly, told my boss. and then last night i was borrowing my girlfriend’s phone for something and accidentally saw a snippet of her conversation with a girl we’ll call g. so g and i have known each other for about 12 years, have been friends for about 7 of those, and have become somewhat close over the last year or so. my girlfriend met g for the first time about 6 months ago and have been texting back and forth for about a week max.i can’t really remember if g ever knew about my autism because i’ve known her for so long, but if she did i would only have mentioned it in passing and played it down a lot. in the snippet of text conversation i saw, my girlfriend was talking to g about how she loves me but my autism “is so much worse than it seems.” i feel super embarrassed now and don’t really feel like speaking to g anymore at the moment because of it. i’m very upset that my girlfriend feels she has the right to decide who should and shouldn’t know about my autism. i don’t really mind her telling her friends about it because sometimes she needs to vent and that’s fine, but i’m hurt that she would embarrass me by telling my friend and pressuring me into telling my boss. wibta if i confronted her about this? i know she isn’t trying to hurt me and probably only does it because she wants to help, and she doesn’t think it’s anything to be embarrassed about, but at the same time she knows i hate my autism and i feel like i should be the one who decides who knows about it. [/INST] nta. i'm gonna be blunt. it kind of sounds like she's using your autism to get pity points for herself or to make herself feel like she's this incredible girlfriend for helping her autistic partner through life because your autism is 'so bad.' i would be upset too if i were you. i'm sorry dude </s>
AITA for feeling a bit annoyed at friend expecting guests to pay for meals at their wedding?	long story short, i recently received an invitation to a friends wedding that was one of my closest friends throughout high school, college and the years following, although we aren't quite as close now as we used to be (i am 27 for reference). on the invitation it states that they have no need for gifts, instead they require you to rsvp by paying a not-insignificant amount per person for the meal. granted, i have only been to a few weddings, but i never have been expected to pay for the food and i was just wondering if i am being unreasonable by feeling a little weird about this, or whether it is quite unusual to expect the guests to pay for that part of the wedding, and also i am between jobs / quite low on funds at the moment (although the amount asked isn't going to bankrupt me or anything, so it's not a huge factor). happy to be told i'm being a dick if i am, but i just don't have many reference points so i honestly have no idea. thanks!	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e4u1v6/aita_for_feeling_a_bit_annoyed_at_friend/	2019-12-02 05:04:01	nta. these people may not be assholes, but it’s pretty tacky to charge admission for a wedding.	[deleted]	nah look i think they're compensating, instead of getting gifts they don't need or may not use they're choosing to save the money. i don't know the financial situation of the couple however so it's difficult to make a decision. but weird and non traditional but not really an asshole move.	nah. it's definitely an unusual request that the guests pay but they do also clearly explain that they're not expecting a wedding gift, which means that you'd likely break even with the amount you'd be spending to attend anyway. personally i think it's a cool idea since weddings tend to cost more than any single party should be worth (in my opinion).	nah- i can see where you’re coming from, certainly. are the meals more costly than a reasonably priced wedding present? if not then maybe think of it as them adding the individual meal to a wedding registry but you get to be the recipient!	nope, you're nta, and that invite may be creative and well-intentioned, but it's still rude. the rule is you throw the party you can afford - you don't hit up your guests to chip in for the cost. that's like etiquette 101.	nah. if your friend didn’t put that bit about not expecting gifts then i’d say he’s ta. if him and bride are willing to accept guests paying for their meal in lieu of gifts then that sounds fair...unconventional but fair.	nta. jesus christ. you don’t sell tickets to a wedding. you invite people to join you in celebration. if you can’t afford fancy, don’t put on fancy. that is the tackiest goddamn thing i’ve ever heard.	nah, it's completely fair for you to be shook about this and to not be very happy but these people are being completely reasonable in there request	nah. i also find it a bit weird but if it was a destination wedding you’d probably be expected to pay your own way. it’s fine to feel weird about it - so long as you don’t make a stink like you are entitled to the meal. you can always politely decline the invitation. and since they told you in the invitation, it’s not like they are springing this on you when you didn’t expect it. so while it might be a faux pa, it’s not an ah move.	NTA	null	NAH	NAH	NAH	NTA	NAH	NTA	NAH	NAH	0.026189	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: long story short, i recently received an invitation to a friends wedding that was one of my closest friends throughout high school, college and the years following, although we aren't quite as close now as we used to be (i am 27 for reference). on the invitation it states that they have no need for gifts, instead they require you to rsvp by paying a not-insignificant amount per person for the meal. granted, i have only been to a few weddings, but i never have been expected to pay for the food and i was just wondering if i am being unreasonable by feeling a little weird about this, or whether it is quite unusual to expect the guests to pay for that part of the wedding, and also i am between jobs / quite low on funds at the moment (although the amount asked isn't going to bankrupt me or anything, so it's not a huge factor). happy to be told i'm being a dick if i am, but i just don't have many reference points so i honestly have no idea. thanks!	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> long story short, i recently received an invitation to a friends wedding that was one of my closest friends throughout high school, college and the years following, although we aren't quite as close now as we used to be (i am 27 for reference). on the invitation it states that they have no need for gifts, instead they require you to rsvp by paying a not-insignificant amount per person for the meal. granted, i have only been to a few weddings, but i never have been expected to pay for the food and i was just wondering if i am being unreasonable by feeling a little weird about this, or whether it is quite unusual to expect the guests to pay for that part of the wedding, and also i am between jobs / quite low on funds at the moment (although the amount asked isn't going to bankrupt me or anything, so it's not a huge factor). happy to be told i'm being a dick if i am, but i just don't have many reference points so i honestly have no idea. thanks! [/INST] nta. these people may not be assholes, but it’s pretty tacky to charge admission for a wedding. </s>
AITA for not apologizing to my coworker	throwaway account because while i don't think my coworkers use reddit, my main is identifiable. i (33f) have an infant (7 months) who has been coming to the office with me. i work in an office of all women, all of whom are mothers. my boss allows me to bring my infant to work with me, and he's a relatively easy baby so he has been coming sporadically since one week old. several months ago i really struggled with ppa. this is not my first baby and i had really bad ppd with my older children so i am cognizant of the signs and my limits. my coworkers were aware of my struggles, but they mostly resolved when he started sleeping longer stretches and i have been feeling out of the fog since at least christmas. last week my baby was teething (not just cutting one tooth, but four in addition to the one that had broken through the week before). i worked a day remotely because he was fussy and we wouldn't have been productive in the office. the next day i needed to be in, and there were no clients, so i brought him. he was still very fussy and it did trigger my anxiety. i had the door to my office closed and was sorting and gathering files in order to get us packed up to go and work from home. i was talking to myself, and shushing him, and i was a bit flustered. in the midst of this my mom that she would take him. i ended up dumping the stack of files into a box. as i was turning to find my keys with baby in arm and trying to quiet him down my coworker came in. she told her to give her the baby. i told her i was fine and that i just needed my keys and to go home to my mom. i was exasperated. i was walking towards the other door to leave, she followed me and grabbed my arm and told me to give her the baby and tried to take him from my arms. i told her not to touch me, and she reiterated to give her the baby and tried to take him again, then i snapped and told her not to touch me very angrily and louder. i took the baby to an empty office to calm both of us down. when i returned to grab my keys she came in and telling me that no one had ever spoken to her like that and if i did not apologize i better never ask her for help again because she would never give it. i asked her if anyone had ever tried to rip her child from her arms. she told me i was storming around and going to hurt him (i was not and i don't know how she came to this conclusion, but assume it was from when i dumped the files into the box to grab him and leave without them instead). i think i might be the asshole because my coworker who was not present (and likely has heard her side as well) says i should apologize because she was worried about me.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/srziy4/aita_for_not_apologizing_to_my_coworker/	2022-02-14 02:28:32	nta. no one should ever be trying to take your child from you without your consent. even if she was trying to help, she could’ve asked or suggested what to do. you’ve made it clear that you did not want her taking your child and she kept pushing, and then followed and grabbed you. i would’ve had the same reaction as a mother. nta.	i know everyone is voting nta but i don’t think it’s possible to vote. there are strong indications that what you’re posting - how you think you came across and how you perceived her actions as aggressive - is widely different to how she would experienced the same encounter. seems like you appeared a lot more aggravated than you thought, and could well have been quite concerning to witness if you’re in a clear state of distress storming around and making rapid movements whilst carrying a crying baby. there’s every chance she got the wrong impression and that things weren’t as bad as they looked, but neither did you see yourself to judge how it looked to her. i see no reason not to conclude that she was trying to help your baby.	info: has she ever insisted on taking the baby before? does she act out in other ways in the office that’s not her place to do so? if the answer is no, i’m kinda finding it hard to believe she’d try taking the baby without good reason. you might have looked more upset and dangerous than you think. also, would it be such a big deal to say you are sorry for lashing out and then calmly telling her that you appreciate her concern? again this is dependent on the answers to my questions because you didn’t give any background on this coworker and whether she’s got a history of overstepping… people judging here on reddit, you need to stop and think—if another poster on here said they’d taken a baby from someone that was acting dangerously and then that parent hurt themselves or something, you’d be praising that poster for interceding to protect the baby. let’s get more info before throwing out judgments against someone who might have had good reason to act. totally willing to judge op as not ta if she’ll answer my questions honestly.	esh. babies don't belong in the workplace. fussy babies especially don't belong in the workplace. mothers who admittedly have mental health issues exacerbated by fussy babies shouldn't take their babies to the workplace. you are absolutely an asshole who needs to quit your job or find a daycare provider. your coworker gets a lot of sympathy for being desperate to make the baby quit crying in her workplace. i reluctantly call her an asshole for not stopping when you said no.	nta she refused to listen when you said no and invaded your personal space as well as trying to remove your child from you. she owes you the apology.	nta. no one just tries to snatch someone's child away from someone without expecting a hostile response.	yta it sounds like you were being erratic…just from the post so i can only imagine the reality. you don’t have to apologize but like she said, don’t even look to her for help going forward. oh, and less sympathy from all your coworkers too.	esh. your coworker definitely sucks for putting hands on you in any way, shape, or form. she's the bigger ah. but honestly? babies don't belong in the workplace and i guarantee you this has been really annoying for your coworkers. (and i say that as a mom of 2.) i'm sorry that you've been struggling with ppd and maybe your coworker thought you needed help. what you're describing - screaming baby, you're super flustered, you're dropping papers, scrambling for keys - sounds pretty chaotic. it's possible your colleague was trying to help, and maybe in your distress you misunderstood her intent. she still never should have touched you, but this whole situation sounds bonkers.	yta for thinking that because coworkers are " mothers". mind you having a newborn at work. you sound like you were exacerbate by an overall bad situation. you also say you have ppd. after second request to hold baby was refused she should have backed off. i'm sure though you a site to witness. yta because a baby never belongs in work environment when teething with a ill tempered mother	esh stop bringing your baby into an office space	NTA	NTA	INFO	ESH	NTA	NTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	ESH	0.740105	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account because while i don't think my coworkers use reddit, my main is identifiable. i (33f) have an infant (7 months) who has been coming to the office with me. i work in an office of all women, all of whom are mothers. my boss allows me to bring my infant to work with me, and he's a relatively easy baby so he has been coming sporadically since one week old. several months ago i really struggled with ppa. this is not my first baby and i had really bad ppd with my older children so i am cognizant of the signs and my limits. my coworkers were aware of my struggles, but they mostly resolved when he started sleeping longer stretches and i have been feeling out of the fog since at least christmas. last week my baby was teething (not just cutting one tooth, but four in addition to the one that had broken through the week before). i worked a day remotely because he was fussy and we wouldn't have been productive in the office. the next day i needed to be in, and there were no clients, so i brought him. he was still very fussy and it did trigger my anxiety. i had the door to my office closed and was sorting and gathering files in order to get us packed up to go and work from home. i was talking to myself, and shushing him, and i was a bit flustered. in the midst of this my mom that she would take him. i ended up dumping the stack of files into a box. as i was turning to find my keys with baby in arm and trying to quiet him down my coworker came in. she told her to give her the baby. i told her i was fine and that i just needed my keys and to go home to my mom. i was exasperated. i was walking towards the other door to leave, she followed me and grabbed my arm and told me to give her the baby and tried to take him from my arms. i told her not to touch me, and she reiterated to give her the baby and tried to take him again, then i snapped and told her not to touch me very angrily and louder. i took the baby to an empty office to calm both of us down. when i returned to grab my keys she came in and telling me that no one had ever spoken to her like that and if i did not apologize i better never ask her for help again because she would never give it. i asked her if anyone had ever tried to rip her child from her arms. she told me i was storming around and going to hurt him (i was not and i don't know how she came to this conclusion, but assume it was from when i dumped the files into the box to grab him and leave without them instead). i think i might be the asshole because my coworker who was not present (and likely has heard her side as well) says i should apologize because she was worried about me.**	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> throwaway account because while i don't think my coworkers use reddit, my main is identifiable. i (33f) have an infant (7 months) who has been coming to the office with me. i work in an office of all women, all of whom are mothers. my boss allows me to bring my infant to work with me, and he's a relatively easy baby so he has been coming sporadically since one week old. several months ago i really struggled with ppa. this is not my first baby and i had really bad ppd with my older children so i am cognizant of the signs and my limits. my coworkers were aware of my struggles, but they mostly resolved when he started sleeping longer stretches and i have been feeling out of the fog since at least christmas. last week my baby was teething (not just cutting one tooth, but four in addition to the one that had broken through the week before). i worked a day remotely because he was fussy and we wouldn't have been productive in the office. the next day i needed to be in, and there were no clients, so i brought him. he was still very fussy and it did trigger my anxiety. i had the door to my office closed and was sorting and gathering files in order to get us packed up to go and work from home. i was talking to myself, and shushing him, and i was a bit flustered. in the midst of this my mom that she would take him. i ended up dumping the stack of files into a box. as i was turning to find my keys with baby in arm and trying to quiet him down my coworker came in. she told her to give her the baby. i told her i was fine and that i just needed my keys and to go home to my mom. i was exasperated. i was walking towards the other door to leave, she followed me and grabbed my arm and told me to give her the baby and tried to take him from my arms. i told her not to touch me, and she reiterated to give her the baby and tried to take him again, then i snapped and told her not to touch me very angrily and louder. i took the baby to an empty office to calm both of us down. when i returned to grab my keys she came in and telling me that no one had ever spoken to her like that and if i did not apologize i better never ask her for help again because she would never give it. i asked her if anyone had ever tried to rip her child from her arms. she told me i was storming around and going to hurt him (i was not and i don't know how she came to this conclusion, but assume it was from when i dumped the files into the box to grab him and leave without them instead). i think i might be the asshole because my coworker who was not present (and likely has heard her side as well) says i should apologize because she was worried about me.** [/INST] nta. no one should ever be trying to take your child from you without your consent. even if she was trying to help, she could’ve asked or suggested what to do. you’ve made it clear that you did not want her taking your child and she kept pushing, and then followed and grabbed you. i would’ve had the same reaction as a mother. nta. </s>
AITA For not wanting my sisters in my wedding.	i'm a f (29) and i'm getting married to my fiancé m (31) later this year. we have talked about our wedding with both of our family's for the past year now. a few weeks ago we were at my mom's house for a party. why we were there my mom asked me when i planned on asking my 2 other sisters to be in our wedding. when i told her i wasn't she got mad at me. she told me that's not how our family works. they are to be in our wedding. i was in my older sister's kelly's wedding its only fair for her to be in mine. now my 2 old sisters and i aren't truly that close. my oldest sister april (39), my older sister kelly (35) and i haven't been close in years. april is the drama queen in our family an has done some really shitting things to me. lied and told me my dad wasn't my dad, has slept with my ex-husband, and multiple ex-boyfriends. kelly and i talk. we hang out sometimes. our kids love spending time together. we don't really have any problems. we just don't talk very much. my fiancé and i are paying for our wedding. we aren't asking anyone for help. because we want our wedding the way we want it. when i told my mom i just wanted my girls in the wedding she told me that wasn't okay. i am to have my sisters in my wedding. but i dont want them in it. i want them at it just not a part of it am i the asshole here...	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/suuhon/aita_for_not_wanting_my_sisters_in_my_wedding/	2022-02-17 17:38:31	nta. your wedding, your call. period. if forcing the bride to invite people who are related to her to stand up for her is a family tradition, be proud that you’ll be the one to break a ridiculous and unfair tradition.	your wedding. your money. your choices to make. “we’re doing the wedding our way, thanks. no need to discuss this any further.” nta.	we need an aita infographic decision tree for weddings that we can just spam these posts with. nta	nta but also info: how did your parents react when your sister said your dad wasn’t your dad and she slept with your ex husband?	null	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a f (29) and i'm getting married to my fiancé m (31) later this year. we have talked about our wedding with both of our family's for the past year now. a few weeks ago we were at my mom's house for a party. why we were there my mom asked me when i planned on asking my 2 other sisters to be in our wedding. when i told her i wasn't she got mad at me. she told me that's not how our family works. they are to be in our wedding. i was in my older sister's kelly's wedding its only fair for her to be in mine. now my 2 old sisters and i aren't truly that close. my oldest sister april (39), my older sister kelly (35) and i haven't been close in years. april is the drama queen in our family an has done some really shitting things to me. lied and told me my dad wasn't my dad, has slept with my ex-husband, and multiple ex-boyfriends. kelly and i talk. we hang out sometimes. our kids love spending time together. we don't really have any problems. we just don't talk very much. my fiancé and i are paying for our wedding. we aren't asking anyone for help. because we want our wedding the way we want it. when i told my mom i just wanted my girls in the wedding she told me that wasn't okay. i am to have my sisters in my wedding. but i dont want them in it. i want them at it just not a part of it am i the asshole here...	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm a f (29) and i'm getting married to my fiancé m (31) later this year. we have talked about our wedding with both of our family's for the past year now. a few weeks ago we were at my mom's house for a party. why we were there my mom asked me when i planned on asking my 2 other sisters to be in our wedding. when i told her i wasn't she got mad at me. she told me that's not how our family works. they are to be in our wedding. i was in my older sister's kelly's wedding its only fair for her to be in mine. now my 2 old sisters and i aren't truly that close. my oldest sister april (39), my older sister kelly (35) and i haven't been close in years. april is the drama queen in our family an has done some really shitting things to me. lied and told me my dad wasn't my dad, has slept with my ex-husband, and multiple ex-boyfriends. kelly and i talk. we hang out sometimes. our kids love spending time together. we don't really have any problems. we just don't talk very much. my fiancé and i are paying for our wedding. we aren't asking anyone for help. because we want our wedding the way we want it. when i told my mom i just wanted my girls in the wedding she told me that wasn't okay. i am to have my sisters in my wedding. but i dont want them in it. i want them at it just not a part of it am i the asshole here... [/INST] nta. your wedding, your call. period. if forcing the bride to invite people who are related to her to stand up for her is a family tradition, be proud that you’ll be the one to break a ridiculous and unfair tradition. </s>
AITA for watching a PG-14 show instead of a PG for my nephews?	i am a 19 year old male and live with my girlfriend. my 32 year old sister was going away for the weekend and asked me to watch my nephews, i said no, i couldn't because me and my girlfriend wanted to binge a show tonight. she said ok and that our mom agreed to, at 9 pm she dropped them off at my house and i was pissed but confused. i didn't take them to my mom's because i knew she hadn't actually agreed to it. they loved the show me and my gf were watching but their mom did not. they slept on the couch. she came back around 2 days later and my nephews were talking about how awesome it was here saying we watched tv and ate popcorn but they slept on the couch which was fine to them. she called me and was screaming saying "why did you let them watch that show?! they are only 10 and 12" "why didnt they sleep on a bed, i am paying you" 4 days later, no pay. aita? i understand that i could have switched it to a pg show but that was not my responsibility (this tv show included cussing but no sex scenes)	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hr5grw/aita_for_watching_a_pg14_show_instead_of_a_pg_for/	2020-07-14 17:12:04	nta. let's look at this perspective from a 19 year old brother begrudgingly forced to take care of his nephews. op goes on to just... hang out with his kid nephews. like, the way that you would want to hang out with a 19 year old if you were 10 or 12. then tiger parents come in and say "if you watch scary show and don't sleep in bed then you will become a horrible person forever!"	info: what show	nta. your sister behaved irresponsibly and is trying to blame you.	[removed]	i- is she forreal? nta. you told her you couldn't because of this show, she disregarded that and dropped them off at your house without your permission. did she just think you were going to change your plans because she was being inconsiderate? 10 and 12 years old is plenty fine to watch a pg-14. if she didn't want them to watch that show, that she knew you'd be watching, she should've found someone else to watch them	nta. the show wasn't terribly inappropriate. unlike your sister who dumped her kids on you when you'd already refused. your nephews had a good time; and if the mom wants to be so picky she should start by having them cared for by people who actually consent to it.	[deleted]	nta. dropping your kids off at a sibling's home unexpectedly after they said they couldn't... and then just leaving them there is a ballsy move. i don't know why anyone would ever do that.	oh, and as for me being ta about my nephews being there with my girlfriend, she actually likes them, and wanted to invite them over again next week.	null	NTA	INFO	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	null	0.010352	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a 19 year old male and live with my girlfriend. my 32 year old sister was going away for the weekend and asked me to watch my nephews, i said no, i couldn't because me and my girlfriend wanted to binge a show tonight. she said ok and that our mom agreed to, at 9 pm she dropped them off at my house and i was pissed but confused. i didn't take them to my mom's because i knew she hadn't actually agreed to it. they loved the show me and my gf were watching but their mom did not. they slept on the couch. she came back around 2 days later and my nephews were talking about how awesome it was here saying we watched tv and ate popcorn but they slept on the couch which was fine to them. she called me and was screaming saying "why did you let them watch that show?! they are only 10 and 12" "why didnt they sleep on a bed, i am paying you" 4 days later, no pay. aita? i understand that i could have switched it to a pg show but that was not my responsibility (this tv show included cussing but no sex scenes)	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i am a 19 year old male and live with my girlfriend. my 32 year old sister was going away for the weekend and asked me to watch my nephews, i said no, i couldn't because me and my girlfriend wanted to binge a show tonight. she said ok and that our mom agreed to, at 9 pm she dropped them off at my house and i was pissed but confused. i didn't take them to my mom's because i knew she hadn't actually agreed to it. they loved the show me and my gf were watching but their mom did not. they slept on the couch. she came back around 2 days later and my nephews were talking about how awesome it was here saying we watched tv and ate popcorn but they slept on the couch which was fine to them. she called me and was screaming saying "why did you let them watch that show?! they are only 10 and 12" "why didnt they sleep on a bed, i am paying you" 4 days later, no pay. aita? i understand that i could have switched it to a pg show but that was not my responsibility (this tv show included cussing but no sex scenes) [/INST] nta. let's look at this perspective from a 19 year old brother begrudgingly forced to take care of his nephews. op goes on to just... hang out with his kid nephews. like, the way that you would want to hang out with a 19 year old if you were 10 or 12. then tiger parents come in and say "if you watch scary show and don't sleep in bed then you will become a horrible person forever!" </s>
AITA by telling a man to use the men's bathroom while it's being taken over by a large group of women.	i'm a trucker waiting for my shower to open up at a truck stop and a large group of women from a conference or something (they all had nametags) came in and started taking up both bathrooms. any time a man would start to go and use the restroom they would tell him its a women's restroom now and turn him away. i needed to use the restroom as well but the shower has a private toilet and i was waiting for that. i was kind of glad i didn't have to press the issue but another trucker came in obviously thinking about that bathroom for a few miles before he got here and looked super irritated and uncomfortable when they turned him away. i told him if he wanted to use the bathroom that they were the ones making it unisex and he should just go in anyway. he looked uncomfortable by the suggestion but turned around to look only to see all the women giving us really dirty looks (mostly at me). the guy just said he'd wait and went to the back of the line these women have created take up both restrooms. the women continued to stare me down as my shower opened up and i passed through them in the hallway to go there. i don't feel i'm the asshole regardless of where this happened but it seems extra shitty at a truck stop. just for the record i don't care who uses what restroom man, woman, trans, non binary, etc. my issue is that funneling a women into the men's restroom all of a sudden makes it off limits to men. am i the asshole?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ve1nty/aita_by_telling_a_man_to_use_the_mens_bathroom/	2022-06-17 01:49:34	nta. they're hostile invaders. i'm a woman, it doesn't happen a lot, but i've gone into the men's restroom to use it if the women's line is obscenely long. i would never prohibit a man from using their own assigned restroom nor would i act affronted that they dare use the urinals.	nta, but not only were those women, they were also entitled. was it a kkkaren conference?	nta as you say, it is fine if they want to use both restrooms, but when there's multiple stalls in both, they can certainly not be ahs and block both bathrooms completely.	nta i took a number of trips on busses with groups where the adults would line us all up, send all the boys through the mens room, then start sending the girls into both bathrooms after all the boys had gone. we had about 100 or so teens, and probably 70% of them were girls. this was typically at either a truck stop or a roadside rest stop. if a man that was not a part of our group walked up, the women organizing us (it was always women) would ask him to wait just a moment while they cleared the girls out of the mens room. they would tell the girls to hurry up, that someone else was waiting, and then they would tell the girls waiting in line to wait as well. i mean, what else do you do with 100 teens who need to use the restrooms? that said, these women sound horrible. no one expects to see a long line, and when you do and need to go? it is awful. i think the men should have simply walked into the restroom posted “mens” and done their business. but i’m rather confrontational now. hopefully this was one of the places that had more than one restroom.	the only assholes here were the women who took over the restroom. nta	nta and by the time i am at a love's i am not waiting when there are open urinals.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a trucker waiting for my shower to open up at a truck stop and a large group of women from a conference or something (they all had nametags) came in and started taking up both bathrooms. any time a man would start to go and use the restroom they would tell him its a women's restroom now and turn him away. i needed to use the restroom as well but the shower has a private toilet and i was waiting for that. i was kind of glad i didn't have to press the issue but another trucker came in obviously thinking about that bathroom for a few miles before he got here and looked super irritated and uncomfortable when they turned him away. i told him if he wanted to use the bathroom that they were the ones making it unisex and he should just go in anyway. he looked uncomfortable by the suggestion but turned around to look only to see all the women giving us really dirty looks (mostly at me). the guy just said he'd wait and went to the back of the line these women have created take up both restrooms. the women continued to stare me down as my shower opened up and i passed through them in the hallway to go there. i don't feel i'm the asshole regardless of where this happened but it seems extra shitty at a truck stop. just for the record i don't care who uses what restroom man, woman, trans, non binary, etc. my issue is that funneling a women into the men's restroom all of a sudden makes it off limits to men. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm a trucker waiting for my shower to open up at a truck stop and a large group of women from a conference or something (they all had nametags) came in and started taking up both bathrooms. any time a man would start to go and use the restroom they would tell him its a women's restroom now and turn him away. i needed to use the restroom as well but the shower has a private toilet and i was waiting for that. i was kind of glad i didn't have to press the issue but another trucker came in obviously thinking about that bathroom for a few miles before he got here and looked super irritated and uncomfortable when they turned him away. i told him if he wanted to use the bathroom that they were the ones making it unisex and he should just go in anyway. he looked uncomfortable by the suggestion but turned around to look only to see all the women giving us really dirty looks (mostly at me). the guy just said he'd wait and went to the back of the line these women have created take up both restrooms. the women continued to stare me down as my shower opened up and i passed through them in the hallway to go there. i don't feel i'm the asshole regardless of where this happened but it seems extra shitty at a truck stop. just for the record i don't care who uses what restroom man, woman, trans, non binary, etc. my issue is that funneling a women into the men's restroom all of a sudden makes it off limits to men. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. they're hostile invaders. i'm a woman, it doesn't happen a lot, but i've gone into the men's restroom to use it if the women's line is obscenely long. i would never prohibit a man from using their own assigned restroom nor would i act affronted that they dare use the urinals. </s>
AITA for leaving 14y.o alone at home for a night	i meant to write hotel in title. it’s more like are we the assholes? me(17m) and my friends are on vacation rn, one of my friends had to bring his 14 year old brother. it’s been fine so far. yesterday we wanted to go out, we told his brother and he said he’s be fine alone. we left at 12 am and got back in hotel at 3 pm. he told him parents that he was home alone i guess, so before we got home their parents called my friend. they were mad at all of us for leaving him alone like that and called us irresponsible.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d10qm5/aita_for_leaving_14yo_alone_at_home_for_a_night/	2019-09-07 19:52:31	yta you left him alone in a strange place where he didn't know anyone. there are plenty of adults who get freaked out being alone at night like that. he is just barely a teen. i can't blame him for calling home.	where are this kids parents. they left a 14 yo with 17 yos. nta	this thread is full of helicopter armchair parents, 14 years old is enough to be left alone for a night. if he does dumb shit with that time he'd do it with 16 too. nta	i'm goin to go with yta, but my reason is a bit different. based on my own experiences, i would have been ecstatic to have the house to myself for a day... but if i were on a trip and staying at a hotel, i'd have been much more inclined to want to go do stuff and not be abandoned at a hotel room for the day. i don't think you're the asshole for the fact that you left him alone (i am of the opinion that a 14-year-old is most likely to be fine alone that long), but you're the asshole for having a long day out without trying to include him at some point.	nta. the parents who forced the 14 year old to be included on the trip in the first place are the irresponsible ones. but he's 14, not 4, he should be able to be left on his own for a night at that age. he was probably bored i'm sure but it's really not your responsibility to entertain him on your vacation.	yta- that is far too long to leave a 14 year old alone, especially if it's not at someone's house. did he have food at least? did you check in on him regularly to make sure he was still okay?	>we left at 12 am and got back in hotel at 3 pm. is this a typo? did you leave him for 3 hours (noon-3pm), or 15 hours (midnight-3pm)	ntas.. a 14 year old should be able to be alone over night. the parents failed as parents if he is unable to manage that.	yta if you didn't check in regularly with the kid to make sure he was okay, and updating him that you all are okay and when you'd be home. yes, the kid was technically "okay", but it is not fun to be stuck somewhere by yourself possibly worried about your sibling. no surprise he told his parents.	yta, you left a child alone in a strange location for fifteen hours...	YTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	null	null	YTA	YTA	0.544638	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i meant to write hotel in title. it’s more like are we the assholes? me(17m) and my friends are on vacation rn, one of my friends had to bring his 14 year old brother. it’s been fine so far. yesterday we wanted to go out, we told his brother and he said he’s be fine alone. we left at 12 am and got back in hotel at 3 pm. he told him parents that he was home alone i guess, so before we got home their parents called my friend. they were mad at all of us for leaving him alone like that and called us irresponsible.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i meant to write hotel in title. it’s more like are we the assholes? me(17m) and my friends are on vacation rn, one of my friends had to bring his 14 year old brother. it’s been fine so far. yesterday we wanted to go out, we told his brother and he said he’s be fine alone. we left at 12 am and got back in hotel at 3 pm. he told him parents that he was home alone i guess, so before we got home their parents called my friend. they were mad at all of us for leaving him alone like that and called us irresponsible. [/INST] yta you left him alone in a strange place where he didn't know anyone. there are plenty of adults who get freaked out being alone at night like that. he is just barely a teen. i can't blame him for calling home. </s>
AITA for refusing to go out to eat with my boyfriend because he modifies his food?	i've worked in fast food, resurants and retail pretty much my whole time in high school & college. i have a rule of thumb which is simple: be kind with the workers, be patient no matter the wait, never go an hour before closing & don't be difficult. now there's my boyfriend of 6 months. we see eye to eye on most things but this isn't one of them. when we go out to eat he loves to modify his order. now if it was a simple could i get extra cheese or could you remove the pickles on that, no problem. but my bf is very detailed in his modifications it pretty much changes the food and price significantly. example, recently we went to a chicken joint in town and he requested his chicken be fried a certain way, seasons with a certain amount of seasoning, apply a seasoning that is meant only for the fries and glaze them with a sauce. this also leads to him asking very specific questions with our staff about things they don't get paid enough to care about. like he'll ask about ingredients in their prebagged sauces and such. to top it off, if workers question him or say they can't do something or even if they make a mistake he gets irritated. he's not very kind to begin with, but if anyone makes an error he pretty much thinks that calls for a bad review and a small tips. i've told him we should cook ourselves if he wants food a certain way but he refuses and usually claims it's their job and his right as a customer. i've come to the point i can't go out to eat with him. he has no diet restrictions so it's not that. overall he's just picky and rude to these poor workers.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fgnnpy/aita_for_refusing_to_go_out_to_eat_with_my/	2020-03-10 23:48:42	nta - you can tell a lot about someone by how they treat restaurant staff.	“he’s not very kind to begin with.” get out now. if he treats others this way he will sooner or later treat you this way. he doesn’t value others.	nta. that's super embarrassing .	nta why are you with this guy?	[deleted]	nta: restaurant workers must hate him if he came into my shop i would tell him to take his chicken and glaze his ass with it	nta.. restaurants are not your own personal chefs.. small modifications are fine but what he's asking for is out of control.. he needs to get over himself.. i don't know anyone that would put up with this for long	nta, it's perfectly fine to tell anyone in your life "sorry, i'm a really uncomfortable with the way you act when we go x-place, so last not go there together anymore". doesnt matter if it's your mom talking loudly at the cinema, you best friend getting obnoxious when drunk or your boyfriend being rude to service workers.	you can do better.	nta - if it was me i would find a new guy. how he treats service workers says a lot about who he is as a person, and his story isn’t a good one.	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i've worked in fast food, resurants and retail pretty much my whole time in high school & college. i have a rule of thumb which is simple: be kind with the workers, be patient no matter the wait, never go an hour before closing & don't be difficult. now there's my boyfriend of 6 months. we see eye to eye on most things but this isn't one of them. when we go out to eat he loves to modify his order. now if it was a simple could i get extra cheese or could you remove the pickles on that, no problem. but my bf is very detailed in his modifications it pretty much changes the food and price significantly. example, recently we went to a chicken joint in town and he requested his chicken be fried a certain way, seasons with a certain amount of seasoning, apply a seasoning that is meant only for the fries and glaze them with a sauce. this also leads to him asking very specific questions with our staff about things they don't get paid enough to care about. like he'll ask about ingredients in their prebagged sauces and such. to top it off, if workers question him or say they can't do something or even if they make a mistake he gets irritated. he's not very kind to begin with, but if anyone makes an error he pretty much thinks that calls for a bad review and a small tips. i've told him we should cook ourselves if he wants food a certain way but he refuses and usually claims it's their job and his right as a customer. i've come to the point i can't go out to eat with him. he has no diet restrictions so it's not that. overall he's just picky and rude to these poor workers.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i've worked in fast food, resurants and retail pretty much my whole time in high school & college. i have a rule of thumb which is simple: be kind with the workers, be patient no matter the wait, never go an hour before closing & don't be difficult. now there's my boyfriend of 6 months. we see eye to eye on most things but this isn't one of them. when we go out to eat he loves to modify his order. now if it was a simple could i get extra cheese or could you remove the pickles on that, no problem. but my bf is very detailed in his modifications it pretty much changes the food and price significantly. example, recently we went to a chicken joint in town and he requested his chicken be fried a certain way, seasons with a certain amount of seasoning, apply a seasoning that is meant only for the fries and glaze them with a sauce. this also leads to him asking very specific questions with our staff about things they don't get paid enough to care about. like he'll ask about ingredients in their prebagged sauces and such. to top it off, if workers question him or say they can't do something or even if they make a mistake he gets irritated. he's not very kind to begin with, but if anyone makes an error he pretty much thinks that calls for a bad review and a small tips. i've told him we should cook ourselves if he wants food a certain way but he refuses and usually claims it's their job and his right as a customer. i've come to the point i can't go out to eat with him. he has no diet restrictions so it's not that. overall he's just picky and rude to these poor workers. [/INST] nta - you can tell a lot about someone by how they treat restaurant staff. </s>
WIBTA for not helping out my sister as much as she needs for her wedding?	my sister is planning on having a wedding this may 7. she asked me and my other sister to be her maids of honor. my other sister is too pissed off at the bride for another situation and doesn't want to jump in and help atm. its an in person with 10 bridesmaids and 10 groomsmen. my sister (bride) is super stressed out. this is the last semester of her graduate school program (physical therapy), the wedding is the day after her graduation, and she took on another project (commissoned street mural). i warned her before she announced the date that it would be a lot, and maybe space things out.. she didn't. i also warned her that bc i live in a different city and my job is very demanding (long hours) i wont be able to fly in and out help. she was also ok with this. i am totally cool with planning the bachelorette party and have ideas to keep it fun and covid safe. and i'm cool with rallying up the bridesmaids for dress colors. the thing is i got the bridesmaid list a week ago. in that week, a close friend of mine passed away and my entire dept was laid off except me. she asked me to take the lead on organizing the bridesmaids and is getting frustrated that i'm not on top of things. the thing is, i know very little about the wedding planning. most questions i'm getting from the bridesmaids are what would covid safety look like, preference for dress fabrics, virtual options, wedding registry (found out one wasnt created yet) etc.. some questions i can handle, most i cant bc i just don't know. i am frustrated because i'm busy atm and feel like she is dumping this extra work on me answering questions from 10 different ladies, when my sister didnt fill me in on any of those details. i never told her about my friend passing bc it was just too hard to talk about, but i did tell her about my dept being laid off so she is aware of my workload. i do feel like her stress is self inflicted, and i'm torn because i want to be supportive and help out... but at the same time i need to focus on my career (not in jeopardy, but would be if i don't perform well). i got a group chat going for the bridesmaids, but my sister is too overwhelmed to check it regularly. and part of taking the lead she envisioned me being the buffer answering questions and keeping it all organized. wibta if i directed all questions about the wedding to my stressed out sister (bride)? or back out of being the moh and letting her figure it out?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m7ipqr/wibta_for_not_helping_out_my_sister_as_much_as/	2021-03-18 04:07:23	nta. if your sister & her fiancé decide to plan a wedding with a huge wedding party in 2 months, during a pandemic that is only slowly getting better, when she is too busy to make & communicate the decisions she needs to make, they deserve whatever happens, or doesn’t happen as the case may be. just my opinion.	ywnbta the duties she’s expecting you to do are called “hire a wedding planner”. also who has a 20 person bridal party in the middle of a pandemic?	nta. last i checked, the bride picked the bridesmaid's dresses and even if it wasn't true y'all do not have enough time to get them fitted properly. at this point your best option is to decide on a color and have the ten bridesmaid's to just go out and buy the dress/shoes/ accessories of their choosing, for you do not have half a shot in hell of getting 10 bridesmaid's dresses fitted and altered in less that two months.	nta do any of the other girls have experience at this? ask for help. 10 bridesmaids and 10 groomsmen. good grief.	ywnbta. i sort of had the same situation with my sister where she bit off more than could chew so she pushed some of the responsibility onto me. it was not fun. i think you need to tell her its too much for you and see if one of the other girls can take over	ywbnta- your lively hood is first and foremost and so is your mental state on top of that. if this is way too much for you, drop out. your sister is definitely throwing everything on you and blaming you for not keeping up with her wedding when she herself isnt keeping up (not checking group chat). it's too much to ask you to do everything when your entire dept gets laid off. now just isn't the time. she has 3 choices. 1) continue and do it herself. 2) postpone the wedding due to limited time. 3) pick a new maid of honor. and all that is entirely up to her as its her wedding.	nta it's her wedding, it's her obligation to deal with organizing it. she bit off more than she can chew and now she feels the pressure from her own poor planning. naturally something has got to give, and it's on her to straighten out the mess she made.	nta. it’s not your job to plan the wedding and your sister really should’ve organized her schedule better. her poor planning does not constitute an emergency on your part.	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister is planning on having a wedding this may 7. she asked me and my other sister to be her maids of honor. my other sister is too pissed off at the bride for another situation and doesn't want to jump in and help atm. its an in person with 10 bridesmaids and 10 groomsmen. my sister (bride) is super stressed out. this is the last semester of her graduate school program (physical therapy), the wedding is the day after her graduation, and she took on another project (commissoned street mural). i warned her before she announced the date that it would be a lot, and maybe space things out.. she didn't. i also warned her that bc i live in a different city and my job is very demanding (long hours) i wont be able to fly in and out help. she was also ok with this. i am totally cool with planning the bachelorette party and have ideas to keep it fun and covid safe. and i'm cool with rallying up the bridesmaids for dress colors. the thing is i got the bridesmaid list a week ago. in that week, a close friend of mine passed away and my entire dept was laid off except me. she asked me to take the lead on organizing the bridesmaids and is getting frustrated that i'm not on top of things. the thing is, i know very little about the wedding planning. most questions i'm getting from the bridesmaids are what would covid safety look like, preference for dress fabrics, virtual options, wedding registry (found out one wasnt created yet) etc.. some questions i can handle, most i cant bc i just don't know. i am frustrated because i'm busy atm and feel like she is dumping this extra work on me answering questions from 10 different ladies, when my sister didnt fill me in on any of those details. i never told her about my friend passing bc it was just too hard to talk about, but i did tell her about my dept being laid off so she is aware of my workload. i do feel like her stress is self inflicted, and i'm torn because i want to be supportive and help out... but at the same time i need to focus on my career (not in jeopardy, but would be if i don't perform well). i got a group chat going for the bridesmaids, but my sister is too overwhelmed to check it regularly. and part of taking the lead she envisioned me being the buffer answering questions and keeping it all organized. wibta if i directed all questions about the wedding to my stressed out sister (bride)? or back out of being the moh and letting her figure it out?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my sister is planning on having a wedding this may 7. she asked me and my other sister to be her maids of honor. my other sister is too pissed off at the bride for another situation and doesn't want to jump in and help atm. its an in person with 10 bridesmaids and 10 groomsmen. my sister (bride) is super stressed out. this is the last semester of her graduate school program (physical therapy), the wedding is the day after her graduation, and she took on another project (commissoned street mural). i warned her before she announced the date that it would be a lot, and maybe space things out.. she didn't. i also warned her that bc i live in a different city and my job is very demanding (long hours) i wont be able to fly in and out help. she was also ok with this. i am totally cool with planning the bachelorette party and have ideas to keep it fun and covid safe. and i'm cool with rallying up the bridesmaids for dress colors. the thing is i got the bridesmaid list a week ago. in that week, a close friend of mine passed away and my entire dept was laid off except me. she asked me to take the lead on organizing the bridesmaids and is getting frustrated that i'm not on top of things. the thing is, i know very little about the wedding planning. most questions i'm getting from the bridesmaids are what would covid safety look like, preference for dress fabrics, virtual options, wedding registry (found out one wasnt created yet) etc.. some questions i can handle, most i cant bc i just don't know. i am frustrated because i'm busy atm and feel like she is dumping this extra work on me answering questions from 10 different ladies, when my sister didnt fill me in on any of those details. i never told her about my friend passing bc it was just too hard to talk about, but i did tell her about my dept being laid off so she is aware of my workload. i do feel like her stress is self inflicted, and i'm torn because i want to be supportive and help out... but at the same time i need to focus on my career (not in jeopardy, but would be if i don't perform well). i got a group chat going for the bridesmaids, but my sister is too overwhelmed to check it regularly. and part of taking the lead she envisioned me being the buffer answering questions and keeping it all organized. wibta if i directed all questions about the wedding to my stressed out sister (bride)? or back out of being the moh and letting her figure it out? [/INST] nta. if your sister & her fiancé decide to plan a wedding with a huge wedding party in 2 months, during a pandemic that is only slowly getting better, when she is too busy to make & communicate the decisions she needs to make, they deserve whatever happens, or doesn’t happen as the case may be. just my opinion. </s>
AITA for wanting to be held to the standards of my own age?	throwaway for privacy context: i(f22) am a student, i don't have a job because i have enough money to go by and want to concentrate on my degree, and i don't have a license because i don't really need it (also, i'm scared of cars but that's another story). i left my parent's house at eighteen and have been managing my own life and finances since then (by choice, i was not thrown out). so i had a fight with my bf (m30, before you jump on the age gap he is not abusive, yadda yadda yadda, i'm not the type to take any shit from a bf anyway) my issue lies with a small fight we had today where he threw the fact i'm jobless and don't have a license in my face. this is a thing that has been reoccuring in our relationship, every time he says it he says it in a way that makes me feel like a failure, and i keep telling him that if i look around at people my age i'm pretty successfull (i have savings, manage to keep saving despite being jobless, and i'm usually pretty good in most classes i take. for the licence thing i have no other excuse that i don't really want to and it scares me) and that he can't hold me to the standards of a 30yo. so which one of us is ta? &#x200b;	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xe016l/aita_for_wanting_to_be_held_to_the_standards_of/	2022-09-14 11:56:40	esh. i mean, the license thing is holding you to the standard of a 16 year old - and i say this as someone who doesn’t like driving either. more importantly, though, you can’t defend the age gap in one breath and then perfectly illustrate why you shouldn’t be dating someone who expects you to be further along in life than you think you need to be at this stage. not without raising a whole bunch of “so why are you with him if this is a recurring problem?” questions, anyway.	nta, and while you are quick to say that he isn't abusive, him throwing your choices in your face is a form of emotional abuse. it isn't normal for a partner to make you try to feel bad about yourself. you don't deserve someone who treats you like that	nta- but you full grown adult bf is weponizing your age and choices to distract you from whatever your fighting about. there is zero chance he thinks you are his equal, he has told you he will not treat you as his equal because you don't have a job or drive a car, and this shit has come out of his mouth repeatedly? it sounds like you take a lot more shit than you think, because this man is shitting on your whole life, repeatedly... and you are still with him. he tells you in so many words that he looks down on you, and refuse to acknowledge you are an independent adult (, but he is willing to be in a relationship and live with someone who he considers to be less than a whole adult....gross) and shames you for choices that don't seem to effect him at all. your here asking if you are the asshole- for paying half the bills while a student, for not driving in a city where you don't need a car, and for not working while in school- all resonable choices you made before you met him. you here asking if your the asshole, just like any other fully groomed abuse victim who has been convinced they deserve to be shit on and wants to know if they are assholes for whiping the shit off.	nta regardless of why you choose not to have a job or a license, those aren't things he should be "throwing at you" in an argument. if your unemployment and lack of a car mean you are relying on him unreasonably to make up for them, you may separately be an ah.	one, these are not the standards of a 30 year old. 16 year olds can get a driver’s license. as for working, you’re a student, but is he paying your expenses? if so, he’s right to bring these issues up. that said, you claim your older boyfriend isn’t abusive yada yada yada, and then go on to describe his abusive behavior. he throws your shortcomings in your face repeatedly and makes you feel like a failure. girl, that’s abuse.	nta. not everyone wants, needs, or gets a license. if you're in school and you can afford it, you are lucky and you don't need a job. neither of those are standard things. nor should anyone be held to anyone else's idea of standards. you're working toward a better life. he sounds jealous and a bit petty. please focus on school. this guy may or may not be in your future but you always will be. do what you need to for your future	esh. he isn’t holding you to standards of a 30 year old.	i think you need to add in as well that you’re not living in the usa, and that you’re living in a country which supports students, and which has a decent public transport system. you’re getting a lot of very confused americans giving you shit because they can’t understand how you can survive without a car and without a job. as for your boyfriend, i know this is going to sound hideously patronising but i’m going to say it anyway, 22-year-old who is studying is in a completely different part of their life to someone who is 30, and who will been working in a professional capacity for at least five or six years. if that person did a trade, they will have been earning in a professional capacity for almost a decade. emotional issues aside, why on earth would your bf assume that you would be in the same financial place as him ? you sound as though you’ve got your head screwed on - you’re hardworking and frugal - he should trust you to know what’s best for your life. why on earth would you want to get a job and study if you don’t need to ? why on earth would you get a car, which is horribly expensive to get the lessons for, to purchase, and run, if you have a perfectly good public transport system ? it just makes no sense that he’s behaving as though this is a problem, when it just isn‘t. i agree with the other commenters that this is a symptom of a deeper issue with your bf. i don’t think its necessarily abusive, but he’s not being very supportive of your (perfectly valid) choices, is he ? are there other ways, or other times in which he’s not supportive of your choices? or is it just this one particular issue that he keeps harping on about ? i mean if he loves you and he sees a long-term relationship with you, then you will get your qualification and get a professional job, and start earning a heap of money fairly soon. i had a very high-level professional job when my now-husband, then boyfriend, was still studying, and it didn’t cross my mind for a second not to support him fully and share my income with him fully. i actually encouraged him to not get a job, and to focus entirely on his studies so that he got good marks. why do you think your boyfriend isn’t doing this? i mean it’s the most basic level of support within a relationship, to encourage and support your partner when they are getting an education in order to better themselves. does he not have very much money ? or does he have a bad job and is jealous you’re getting a uni education ? it doesn’t make much sense to me, but maybe you can understand it within the wider context of your relationship. either way you’re definitely nta.	nta - i'm 23, don't have my driving license yet and throughout my undergraduate degree was unemployed because i had the money to live on and wanted to focus on my studies. you're not relying on him financially so he either needs to come to terms with it and stop throwing it back at you or go date an older woman	null	ESH	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	ESH	NTA	NTA	null	0.091339	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway for privacy context: i(f22) am a student, i don't have a job because i have enough money to go by and want to concentrate on my degree, and i don't have a license because i don't really need it (also, i'm scared of cars but that's another story). i left my parent's house at eighteen and have been managing my own life and finances since then (by choice, i was not thrown out). so i had a fight with my bf (m30, before you jump on the age gap he is not abusive, yadda yadda yadda, i'm not the type to take any shit from a bf anyway) my issue lies with a small fight we had today where he threw the fact i'm jobless and don't have a license in my face. this is a thing that has been reoccuring in our relationship, every time he says it he says it in a way that makes me feel like a failure, and i keep telling him that if i look around at people my age i'm pretty successfull (i have savings, manage to keep saving despite being jobless, and i'm usually pretty good in most classes i take. for the licence thing i have no other excuse that i don't really want to and it scares me) and that he can't hold me to the standards of a 30yo. so which one of us is ta? &#x200b;	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> throwaway for privacy context: i(f22) am a student, i don't have a job because i have enough money to go by and want to concentrate on my degree, and i don't have a license because i don't really need it (also, i'm scared of cars but that's another story). i left my parent's house at eighteen and have been managing my own life and finances since then (by choice, i was not thrown out). so i had a fight with my bf (m30, before you jump on the age gap he is not abusive, yadda yadda yadda, i'm not the type to take any shit from a bf anyway) my issue lies with a small fight we had today where he threw the fact i'm jobless and don't have a license in my face. this is a thing that has been reoccuring in our relationship, every time he says it he says it in a way that makes me feel like a failure, and i keep telling him that if i look around at people my age i'm pretty successfull (i have savings, manage to keep saving despite being jobless, and i'm usually pretty good in most classes i take. for the licence thing i have no other excuse that i don't really want to and it scares me) and that he can't hold me to the standards of a 30yo. so which one of us is ta? &#x200b; [/INST] esh. i mean, the license thing is holding you to the standard of a 16 year old - and i say this as someone who doesn’t like driving either. more importantly, though, you can’t defend the age gap in one breath and then perfectly* illustrate why you shouldn’t be dating someone who expects you to be further along in life than you think you need to be at this stage. not without raising a whole bunch of “so why are you with him if this is a recurring problem?” questions, anyway. </s>
WIBTA If I do not allow my sisters adopted daughter stay a week this summer at my house?	my sister is a loving and beautiful woman. she adopted 2 kids when she learned she could not have her own. our families have spent many times together at theme parks, picnics and reunions. last summer her son stayed with my family for a week. it was no big deal because i have 4 boys and one more did not make a difference. this summer she called and asked if i would take both of her kids for a week. i told her i would have to make sure my wife was ok with it first. i'm not going to lie i just said that because i was too chicken to tell her "hell no" spontaneously. &#x200b; i do not think a teenage girl would even want to stay at my house for a week considering she would be the only girl. in a way i believe i am admitting to myself that i don't trust my boys. i have raised them to be gentlemen and to respect women. but there will be unsupervised times when both my wife and i will be at work and that scares me. maybe i have made too big a deal of this whole thing. i do not want my sister to feel like i think less of her kid or am being mean.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/boxzei/wibta_if_i_do_not_allow_my_sisters_adopted/	2019-05-15 13:31:59	yta for assuming that your sons would be incestuous, that's weird dude	yta - family above all else. the fact you explicitely have to add the fact that she’s adopted makes you ta x100. she’s a family member. if you’re not from alabama your boys should not make a problem out of it.	yta. if you don't trust your kids around their female cousin, you are either overreacting or your kids need to speak with a professional. are you worried about non-related females at your home over summer? or you just don't want them doing anything with their cousin?! i'm flabbergasted.	info - what is it you’re actually worried about your kids doing? your post makes it sound like they might try and sleep with their cousin?	yta. how bad is your parenting that you think your children are going to have sex with their cousin when they´re alone?	yta what? the boys are going to do what to her exactly? do they not attend school? do they not know how to interact with girls or can’t help themselves from bullying or attacking them? this is bizarre	yta. what does her daughter being adopted have anything to do with anything? why have you not raised your children to not want to have sex with their cousins? why can't you tell your sister no without blaming your wife? i don't think you have any moral obligation to watch your sister's kids for a week, but your reasons for not wanting to do it are bad. if you don't want the responsibility, say that. but the other reasons make you ta.	yta for putting the blame on your wife instead of being honest with your sister. you've now harmed their relationship for no reason. &#x200b; you have every right to not keep her kids, for whatever reason matters to you.	info - why don’t you trust your kids?	yta because you refer to her as your sisters “adopted” daughter. she’s her daughter. also, this is their cousin, not some random girl. i grew up close to all my cousins and we spent many summers together. not once did i want to make out with one of them. ew.	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	0.016	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister is a loving and beautiful woman. she adopted 2 kids when she learned she could not have her own. our families have spent many times together at theme parks, picnics and reunions. last summer her son stayed with my family for a week. it was no big deal because i have 4 boys and one more did not make a difference. this summer she called and asked if i would take both of her kids for a week. i told her i would have to make sure my wife was ok with it first. i'm not going to lie i just said that because i was too chicken to tell her "hell no" spontaneously. &#x200b; i do not think a teenage girl would even want to stay at my house for a week considering she would be the only girl. in a way i believe i am admitting to myself that i don't trust my boys. i have raised them to be gentlemen and to respect women. but there will be unsupervised times when both my wife and i will be at work and that scares me. maybe i have made too big a deal of this whole thing. i do not want my sister to feel like i think less of her kid or am being mean.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my sister is a loving and beautiful woman. she adopted 2 kids when she learned she could not have her own. our families have spent many times together at theme parks, picnics and reunions. last summer her son stayed with my family for a week. it was no big deal because i have 4 boys and one more did not make a difference. this summer she called and asked if i would take both of her kids for a week. i told her i would have to make sure my wife was ok with it first. i'm not going to lie i just said that because i was too chicken to tell her "hell no" spontaneously. &#x200b; i do not think a teenage girl would even want to stay at my house for a week considering she would be the only girl. in a way i believe i am admitting to myself that i don't trust my boys. i have raised them to be gentlemen and to respect women. but there will be unsupervised times when both my wife and i will be at work and that scares me. maybe i have made too big a deal of this whole thing. i do not want my sister to feel like i think less of her kid or am being mean. [/INST] yta for assuming that your sons would be incestuous, that's weird dude </s>
AITA for telling my roommate her best friend can’t stay a week in our apartment…	my roommate (23) and i (21) having been rooming since we were freshmen. we have gotten along great given that we’re seniors/graduates now. we’re not only roommates but pretty much besties. i know her friends, and she knows mine. today i just got a call. she’s from out of state and i’m just a few cities out. long story short: she asked if her best friend could stay an entire week + weekend and that she would just give her her own key. normally, i’d stay sure! no problem… except my roommate wouldn’t even be in town. her best friend would have the entire apartment on her own, i’ll be out of town too. she said something along the lines of “yea i spoke with ____, i told her it’d be okay but i just wanted to make sure with you.” i told her on the phone straight up since it’s better than bsing that no, i’d be uncomfortable with that. she seemed annoyed on the phone and hung up pretty fast once i said no. am i being a pissy roommate?? not to mention, she’s tried stuff like this before… telling me her sister would only stay for a week then staying for half a month. anyways, i feel like it’s not the answer she wanted to hear yet i’m glad i stood my ground.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/usib12/aita_for_telling_my_roommate_her_best_friend_cant/	2022-05-18 17:36:45	info: why does she want to let her friend stay there for a whole week when neither of you are home?	nta. if either of you were hosting it wouldn't be weird, but just letting her friend use the place while you're not there is tacky. you could have gone about it better with the explanation, but overall you're nta.	nta. this is a weird request. your apartment is not a hotel for other people to stay for free.	nah - she shouldn't have assumed it was okay, but she did ask. you said no. she's allowed to ask (and to be unhappy with your answer). you're allowed to say no.	null	null	null	null	null	null	INFO	NTA	NTA	NAH	null	null	null	null	null	null	0.0583	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my roommate (23) and i (21) having been rooming since we were freshmen. we have gotten along great given that we’re seniors/graduates now. we’re not only roommates but pretty much besties. i know her friends, and she knows mine. today i just got a call. she’s from out of state and i’m just a few cities out. long story short: she asked if her best friend could stay an entire week + weekend and that she would just give her her own key. normally, i’d stay sure! no problem… except my roommate wouldn’t even be in town. her best friend would have the entire apartment on her own, i’ll be out of town too. she said something along the lines of “yea i spoke with ____, i told her it’d be okay but i just wanted to make sure with you.” i told her on the phone straight up since it’s better than bsing that no, i’d be uncomfortable with that. she seemed annoyed on the phone and hung up pretty fast once i said no. am i being a pissy roommate?? not to mention, she’s tried stuff like this before… telling me her sister would only stay for a week then staying for half a month. anyways, i feel like it’s not the answer she wanted to hear yet i’m glad i stood my ground.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my roommate (23) and i (21) having been rooming since we were freshmen. we have gotten along great given that we’re seniors/graduates now. we’re not only roommates but pretty much besties. i know her friends, and she knows mine. today i just got a call. she’s from out of state and i’m just a few cities out. long story short: she asked if her best friend could stay an entire week + weekend and that she would just give her her own key. normally, i’d stay sure! no problem… except my roommate wouldn’t even be in town. her best friend would have the entire apartment on her own, i’ll be out of town too. she said something along the lines of “yea i spoke with ____, i told her it’d be okay but i just wanted to make sure with you.” i told her on the phone straight up since it’s better than bsing that no, i’d be uncomfortable with that. she seemed annoyed on the phone and hung up pretty fast once i said no. am i being a pissy roommate?? not to mention, she’s tried stuff like this before… telling me her sister would only stay for a week then staying for half a month. anyways, i feel like it’s not the answer she wanted to hear yet i’m glad i stood my ground. [/INST] info: why does she want to let her friend stay there for a whole week when neither of you are home? </s>
AITA for suggesting a bustier bra	i (35f) have a friend (35f) in my wedding party. she has a large bust (dd) and considers herself grossly overweight (which she is not). she has an hourglass figure. the ladies in my wedding party had a choice of 5 different dresses (i did not include a strapless option, because none of us like wearing it). she chose a thin strap halterneck style dress - which i have no issue with because the shape suits her, i would just prefer that her bra straps to not be showing, hence my suggestion. we were chatting yesterday, and she mentioned that she'll be getting shapewear for the wedding because she is so fat (to which i replied she shouldn't speak so negatively of herself). i then mentioned to her that we should rather go shopping for a bustier/corset type bra for the wedding to accentuate her waist and so that she feels comfortable boob-wise. to which she replied that i was being degrading towards her. my intent was not to be degrading or to belittle her, and told her so. she has not spoken to me since. aita?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kmeasx/aita_for_suggesting_a_bustier_bra/	2020-12-29 13:21:25	yta a little bit: >i then mentioned to her that we should rather go shopping for a bustier/corset type bra for the wedding to accentuate her waist if it was about straps showing, tell her she needs a strapless or halterneck bra, not that she needs to "accentuate her waist." i know you didn't mean it that way, but it does sound like you were affirming that she's overweight and needs help to look acceptable on your wedding day.	if a large busted woman is wearing a halter style dress, we need some scaffolding in place. that’s just a fact. nta.	nta - she's a close enough friend to be in your wedding party and y'all are in your damn thirties... she should know you well enough to know that you were trying to be supportive, and not act all butthurt because you told her she didn't need shapewear and suggested something that would work well with the dress she chose.	nta. if she was the one talking about her shape in the first place and throwing out an idea she should be able to handle a comment offering a different or additional idea.	nta it was good advice. likely your friend is a little over sensitive though. folks often dislike things about themselves that the rest of us admire, it's a human thing. best you can do is try to apologise for the fact that it upset her, but you're allowed to restate that you admire her hourglass figure, and that you thought you were paying her a compliment. goid luck.	i will say nah - you have been more than willing to make her feel comfortable in her dress and about her weight. she's clearly quite insecure about her body. maybe your choice of words made her feel bad about her body. i know you were trying to make her feel good with a different option other than shapewear (i know that basically squeezes you in). you apologized, but she didn't want to hear it.	null	null	null	null	YTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	null	null	null	null	0.126953	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (35f) have a friend (35f) in my wedding party. she has a large bust (dd) and considers herself grossly overweight (which she is not). she has an hourglass figure. the ladies in my wedding party had a choice of 5 different dresses (i did not include a strapless option, because none of us like wearing it). she chose a thin strap halterneck style dress - which i have no issue with because the shape suits her, i would just prefer that her bra straps to not be showing, hence my suggestion. we were chatting yesterday, and she mentioned that she'll be getting shapewear for the wedding because she is so fat (to which i replied she shouldn't speak so negatively of herself). i then mentioned to her that we should rather go shopping for a bustier/corset type bra for the wedding to accentuate her waist and so that she feels comfortable boob-wise. to which she replied that i was being degrading towards her. my intent was not to be degrading or to belittle her, and told her so. she has not spoken to me since. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (35f) have a friend (35f) in my wedding party. she has a large bust (dd) and considers herself grossly overweight (which she is not). she has an hourglass figure. the ladies in my wedding party had a choice of 5 different dresses (i did not include a strapless option, because none of us like wearing it). she chose a thin strap halterneck style dress - which i have no issue with because the shape suits her, i would just prefer that her bra straps to not be showing, hence my suggestion. we were chatting yesterday, and she mentioned that she'll be getting shapewear for the wedding because she is so fat (to which i replied she shouldn't speak so negatively of herself). i then mentioned to her that we should rather go shopping for a bustier/corset type bra for the wedding to accentuate her waist and so that she feels comfortable boob-wise. to which she replied that i was being degrading towards her. my intent was not to be degrading or to belittle her, and told her so. she has not spoken to me since. aita? [/INST] yta a little bit: >i then mentioned to her that we should rather go shopping for a bustier/corset type bra for the wedding to accentuate her waist** if it was about straps showing, tell her she needs a strapless or halterneck bra, not that she needs to "accentuate her waist." i know you didn't mean it that way, but it does sound like you were affirming that she's overweight and needs help to look acceptable on your wedding day. </s>
AITA for not contributing a dollar amount at a store check-out, or not "rounding up" my purchase for charity?	my friend called me cheap. i'm generous in general but i hate to be put on the spot to donate money when i check-out of a retail store. i told her i never donate money like that. store x will likely keep a portion of that money for administration fees. they may then donate the rest but they will also likely be getting some tax write-off for the donation. i said that she would be better off taking her money directly to the charity, even if it's only a dollar. she called me a cheapskate again.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k0gllt/aita_for_not_contributing_a_dollar_amount_at_a/	2020-11-24 23:41:39	nta. i also like to donate but i do so to my favorite charities. i also like to keep my donations local and feel many of the large chain ones get sent elsewhere. additionally, why would i give a company the tax write off that i could use myself?	nta. those stores tend to give to behemoth charities with huge overhead costs. if you want your dollars to help locally, give locally.	not really sure how she got to ‘cheapskate’ since you’ve explained that you’re happy to donate, just not in that particular way. it’s entirely your decision how you spend/donate/save your money. your friend is kind of an a h for having a go at you over this. it’s none of their business.	nta. they absolutely take it as a tax write-off and leave you no time to even think about the charity in question (some "charities" are absolute shit and utilize very small percentages of donations to actually help their cause).	nta, no one can afford to donate to every charity that exists, and most people just donate where it’s important to them if they are able to afford it. if someone was bothering me about it i would say “actually my charity donations go towards pandas/pans because my friend has a son who has it and it’s become something that’s important to me. what charity do you typically support? oh whatever walmart suggests? ok cool.”	nta! besides, the store is just using customers to get tax deductions. when you donate to a charity with your purchase like that, you're paying the store and the store is paying the charity. better to pick the charity yourself. and if you are feeling like money is too tight to donate to charity, that's okay too	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my friend called me cheap. i'm generous in general but i hate to be put on the spot to donate money when i check-out of a retail store. i told her i never donate money like that. store x will likely keep a portion of that money for administration fees. they may then donate the rest but they will also likely be getting some tax write-off for the donation. i said that she would be better off taking her money directly to the charity, even if it's only a dollar. she called me a cheapskate again.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my friend called me cheap. i'm generous in general but i hate to be put on the spot to donate money when i check-out of a retail store. i told her i never donate money like that. store x will likely keep a portion of that money for administration fees. they may then donate the rest but they will also likely be getting some tax write-off for the donation. i said that she would be better off taking her money directly to the charity, even if it's only a dollar. she called me a cheapskate again. [/INST] nta. i also like to donate but i do so to my favorite charities. i also like to keep my donations local and feel many of the large chain ones get sent elsewhere. additionally, why would i give a company the tax write off that i could use myself? </s>
AITA for giving my sister’s boyfriend a temple kiss every time I see him?	i (18f) joined a local book club 11 months ago and met a guy (19m) who was a member. we got on like a house on fire and became friends, we would visit each other’s apartment and at the time i was in a relationship so it was purely platonic. after a month of seeing him after classes every other day, i invited my sister (19f) to come and have dinner with us as she was feeling stressed. i introduced them and they got on well and they were both single. they started to see each other when i was busy and i would encourage them to get to know each other. another month after that, they officially started to see each other & i broke up with my boyfriend of three years as it wasn’t great anymore and to be frank, i didn’t love him anymore. ever since we met each other at the book club, we would greet each other with a hug and after we became close friends, we would hug and kiss each other on the temple (he started this form of greeting). we would still see each other at the book club and cook when my sister was busy or at class. eight months later, they told me that they were boyfriend & girlfriend in mid-november, i was happy for them. we don’t really hang out alone anymore and now my sister is always there, which is fine. although, i still see him a lot as he is always there when my sister is. we would do the hug and kiss on the temple thing every time we saw each other, i didn’t find it weird. after he went to the rest room to freshen up, my sister said “what’s that thing you always do when you see each other?”, i said “the hug thing” and she said “no, the additional kiss, it just doesn’t look right”. i proceed to tell her that “it’s just always been our way of greeting”. she told me that she didn’t like it and it just didn’t look right (clearly hinting that she wanted me to stop). although after that (a couple of days ago), we both did it again though i didn’t think about it as it was a habit, my sister saw and was off with me the whole time. then proceeded to message me after that i never respect her wishes and she cancelled the sunday dinner we always have. aita?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zh8w8x/aita_for_giving_my_sisters_boyfriend_a_temple/	2022-12-09 21:12:53	yta if your sister says it makes her uncomfortable, then you should stop. from the west coast of the united states? kissing on the temple as a greeting isn't even a thing in america so clinging on to this is silly.	yta for continuing to do something that makes your sister uncomfortable. the kiss isn't necessary, drop it.	info: why did you mention your breakup in all of this?	yta. they are dating now, and your sister told you it made her uncomfortable. clearly passive aggressive move to keep doing it.	yta you couldn't make it more obvious you want him just admit you want your sisters man and go	kissing 'on the temple' is not a thing. it's weird and you know it. why are you so determined to upset your sister? yta	yta.. stop kissing the guy.	yta, stop being jealous of your sister. you seem to subconsciously want to ruin their relationship and have him crawl over to you.	i went back and forth, but i think ultimately esh. it’s okay for your sister to have this boundary, and it sucks that you did it again after you saw it made her uncomfortable. your should care and respect your sister enough to remember when something makes her uncomfortable and not continue that behavior. at the same time, your sister needs to discuss this with her boyfriend. sister and her bf are the ones that need to respect the boundaries of the relationship, and it’s sounds like her bf doesn’t know that this bothers her. it’s unfair for the responsibility to be put solely on you.	soft yta. i am from a country where we hug and kiss on the cheek as a greeting. however, if my sister was uncomfortable with me kissing her bf wherever i simply wouldn't do it. it's easy to fix. they are in a relationship and sometimes things do change, it's fine and something that makes everyone comfortable especially if they are in the beginning of the relationship. (i don't know if this is a us thing, but i am with a group of friends rn and we do think temple kissing seems very much intimate and more relationshipy 😅) besides, you seem like you have gotten very attached to him and kinda resent that you don't get alone time with him and she may pick up on that. >we would visit each other’s apartment and at the time i was in a relationship so it was purely platonic. this seems a bit inappropriate and it does read you only had a platonic relationship because you were in a relationship. >i broke up with my boyfriend of three years as it wasn’t great anymore and to be frank, i didn’t love him anymore. since this happened, your sister may find herself having more reservations on your relationship with him.	YTA	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	0.007204	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (18f) joined a local book club 11 months ago and met a guy (19m) who was a member. we got on like a house on fire and became friends, we would visit each other’s apartment and at the time i was in a relationship so it was purely platonic. after a month of seeing him after classes every other day, i invited my sister (19f) to come and have dinner with us as she was feeling stressed. i introduced them and they got on well and they were both single. they started to see each other when i was busy and i would encourage them to get to know each other. another month after that, they officially started to see each other & i broke up with my boyfriend of three years as it wasn’t great anymore and to be frank, i didn’t love him anymore. ever since we met each other at the book club, we would greet each other with a hug and after we became close friends, we would hug and kiss each other on the temple (he started this form of greeting). we would still see each other at the book club and cook when my sister was busy or at class. eight months later, they told me that they were boyfriend & girlfriend in mid-november, i was happy for them. we don’t really hang out alone anymore and now my sister is always there, which is fine. although, i still see him a lot as he is always there when my sister is. we would do the hug and kiss on the temple thing every time we saw each other, i didn’t find it weird. after he went to the rest room to freshen up, my sister said “what’s that thing you always do when you see each other?”, i said “the hug thing” and she said “no, the additional kiss, it just doesn’t look right”. i proceed to tell her that “it’s just always been our way of greeting”. she told me that she didn’t like it and it just didn’t look right (clearly hinting that she wanted me to stop). although after that (a couple of days ago), we both did it again though i didn’t think about it as it was a habit, my sister saw and was off with me the whole time. then proceeded to message me after that i never respect her wishes and she cancelled the sunday dinner we always have. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (18f) joined a local book club 11 months ago and met a guy (19m) who was a member. we got on like a house on fire and became friends, we would visit each other’s apartment and at the time i was in a relationship so it was purely platonic. after a month of seeing him after classes every other day, i invited my sister (19f) to come and have dinner with us as she was feeling stressed. i introduced them and they got on well and they were both single. they started to see each other when i was busy and i would encourage them to get to know each other. another month after that, they officially started to see each other & i broke up with my boyfriend of three years as it wasn’t great anymore and to be frank, i didn’t love him anymore. ever since we met each other at the book club, we would greet each other with a hug and after we became close friends, we would hug and kiss each other on the temple (he started this form of greeting). we would still see each other at the book club and cook when my sister was busy or at class. eight months later, they told me that they were boyfriend & girlfriend in mid-november, i was happy for them. we don’t really hang out alone anymore and now my sister is always there, which is fine. although, i still see him a lot as he is always there when my sister is. we would do the hug and kiss on the temple thing every time we saw each other, i didn’t find it weird. after he went to the rest room to freshen up, my sister said “what’s that thing you always do when you see each other?”, i said “the hug thing” and she said “no, the additional kiss, it just doesn’t look right”. i proceed to tell her that “it’s just always been our way of greeting”. she told me that she didn’t like it and it just didn’t look right (clearly hinting that she wanted me to stop). although after that (a couple of days ago), we both did it again though i didn’t think about it as it was a habit, my sister saw and was off with me the whole time. then proceeded to message me after that i never respect her wishes and she cancelled the sunday dinner we always have. aita? [/INST] yta if your sister says it makes her uncomfortable, then you should stop. from the west coast of the united states? kissing on the temple as a greeting isn't even a thing in america so clinging on to this is silly. </s>
WIBTA for calling the police on my neighbors' latest of many loud late night weekday parties?	our next-door neighbors have been having these loud late-night parties on their deck on random days of the week, usually weekdays. they start around 11:30pm and finish 3-4am. they're so loud we hear them through closed windows and wearing earplugs. wife and i both work full time and she's pregnant. we've tried to be understanding - you want to celebrate a birthday, anniversary, etc. but now it's happening every week. in the past 8 years these people have demonstrated many times to be lazy and inconsiderate so i have little desire to ask them for favors. and we've started losing way too much sleep. another neighbor already called the police on one of their parties a couple of years ago. so should i do it next time?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ijeq86/wibta_for_calling_the_police_on_my_neighbors/	2020-08-30 15:43:16	nta. part of living in close proximity to neighbors is having respect for them. scofflaws who routinely violate noise ordinances deserve no benefit of the doubt. report them and don't worry about it.	nta. yes, call the police. depending on your area, your city probably has noise ordinances that they are breaking. call every time - they will get a warning or two, then they will be fined. noise ordinances are on the books for this very reason. good luck op.	nta if this has been going on alot and they know its a wrong thing to do, go for it! it seems like it's really impacting your life and you need to take action!	here is what i have done in the past with neighbors throwing ragers all the time. wait until they are up till the wee hours and then get yourself up early and get out there doing extremely loud yard work. make sure you start the work after you are legally allowed to and then wait for them to pitch a shitfit. when they come to complain casually remind them that they keep you up at night with their shenanigans and if they want to keep being dicks, then they have some early morning hangovers to look forward to.	nta. fucking call, dude.	nta so long as you say something to them first. you are not asking a favor, their behavior almost certainly violates a local noise ordinance. just give them a neutral, friendly warning about what future parties will cause you to do. however, if you feel that them knowing it is you calling the cops would jeopardize either you or your wife’s safety, then feel free to proceed straight to calling the cops.	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: our next-door neighbors have been having these loud late-night parties on their deck on random days of the week, usually weekdays. they start around 11:30pm and finish 3-4am. they're so loud we hear them through closed windows and wearing earplugs. wife and i both work full time and she's pregnant. we've tried to be understanding - you want to celebrate a birthday, anniversary, etc. but now it's happening every week. in the past 8 years these people have demonstrated many times to be lazy and inconsiderate so i have little desire to ask them for favors. and we've started losing way too much sleep. another neighbor already called the police on one of their parties a couple of years ago. so should i do it next time?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> our next-door neighbors have been having these loud late-night parties on their deck on random days of the week, usually weekdays. they start around 11:30pm and finish 3-4am. they're so loud we hear them through closed windows and wearing earplugs. wife and i both work full time and she's pregnant. we've tried to be understanding - you want to celebrate a birthday, anniversary, etc. but now it's happening every week. in the past 8 years these people have demonstrated many times to be lazy and inconsiderate so i have little desire to ask them for favors. and we've started losing way too much sleep. another neighbor already called the police on one of their parties a couple of years ago. so should i do it next time? [/INST] nta. part of living in close proximity to neighbors is having respect for them. scofflaws who routinely violate noise ordinances deserve no benefit of the doubt. report them and don't worry about it. </s>
AITA for insulting my friend after she insulted my dog?	my friend moira and i(both 18f) are both dog owners. i have a 5 year old shih tzu named meatloaf and she has a 14 year old giant schnauzer/english sheepdog mix named hattie. in my opinion, both our dogs are very cute, but i might be biased since i love dogs a lot no matter the breed. however, moira doesn’t really like small dogs. she says they’re too loud and yappy and stupid, which is harsh in my opinion, but i get that everyone has preferences. my issue with moira is that she constantly insults meatloaf. every time i talk about him or pull up a picture of him, she’ll say that he’s ugly, that shih tzus are extremely stupid and incapable of love, or that he’s so loud and annoying. even if i’m talking to someone else about meatloaf in her presence, she’ll butt in and say something about how ugly and dumb shih tzus are and how she thinks bigger dogs are better. it’s always said in an extremely mean tone, so i know she’s not joking. like i said, i don’t have a problem with her having preferences for bigger dogs, but it’s getting really tiring hearing her say things like that. i’ve asked her to stop multiple times and that it hurts my feelings to hear her talk about my dog in that way, but she always says it’s just her opinion and i shouldn’t take it so seriously. this is where i think i might be ta. recently, i was telling one of our mutual friends about meatloaf getting the zoomies. i showed him a video, and we were both laughing when moira cut in and said that she thinks meatloaf looks especially ugly when he runs around and that she hopes he crashes into something and gets hurt because “that’s what he gets for being so annoying.” i was shocked and i couldn’t believe she would wish harm upon my dog when he didn’t do anything wrong. to me, it was going too far so i snapped and said, “and you look especially ugly today, but you don’t hear me complaining about it.” moira looked hurt and left right away, and i immediately felt bad about what i said. but at the same time i just couldn’t stand hearing her talk about meatloaf that way and i figured that she should be able to handle what she dishes out. still, some of my other friends have texted me that what i did was uncalled for and that moira making fun of meatloaf wasn’t comparable to me insulting her appearance. i regret what i said, but at the same time, i’ve asked her stop multiple times and i’m not going to just stand there while she wishes harm on my dog. so aita?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v0ew22/aita_for_insulting_my_friend_after_she_insulted/	2022-05-29 16:33:22	nta. moira is an asshole. sounds to me like she’s jealous of the attention your dog gets.	nta. could you have maybe handled it better? sure. did she have it coming, though? yep. if someone wished harm on my dog i would have a hard time biting my tongue, too. even if she doesn't like your dog, she could keep her mouth shut about it like a decent friend instead of making it her mission to insult him anytime he's brought up.	nta. meatloaf is your baby. i have absolutely no idea why moira is so insulting and mean to meatloaf. i cant believe you have put up with her behavior this long without snapping. its incredible disrespectful and uncalled for. i have a small dog and she is my world. so i cant say moira is your friend if she can treat meatloaf so badly. its up to you if you want to apologize for what you said to her...and if you choose to do that... do it but seriously consider if you want moira in your life. meatloaf sounds adorable and i bet he lights up your world!!	nta. as for the friends who think you were out of line, ask them what the hell kind of person actively wishes harm on a dog just because she has a preference for larger breeds?	100% nta. if she want to be a baddie, she gotta have thick skin to what is coming to her. it is easy to offend others when they cannot answer to her. wishing harm on an innocent creature is way too mean. she is making it a competition as well, which is very childish of her part. all dogs are beautiful and wonderful. everyone has the right to be happy about the goofy things their fur babies do, and she is simply belittling dogs based on their breed. perhaps, she had some past trauma but that doesn’t make it right to wish smth awful to the pup. i would truly cut ties with her. that is not a presence you want in your life. next thing you know, she may actually try to harm your dog. have respect for yourself and your baby and walk away from that friendship! good luck!	ok i'll admit it. i hate little dogs. but if you like em that's fine. of course the first little dog i ever met kept trying to attack my afo brace and the second one i met was an ill tempered little brat who kept trying to attack everyone, and eventually went on to bite a 4 year old. so i'm biased against them. but i have never wished harm on any dog especially to their owners. so anyway you're nta.	i'm going to hope that moira has some other really positive redeeming qualities, since she seems like a right negative miseryguts about your dog! almost feels like some deep seated jealousy or something, like she has to try and keep convincing herself that her dog is "better", because... why on earth would you keep trying to talk down someone else's pet, when you have your own that you adore, and the friend's pet makes them happy? nta - she's had enough chances to remember that if she has nothing nice to say, she doesn't have to say anything.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my friend moira and i(both 18f) are both dog owners. i have a 5 year old shih tzu named meatloaf and she has a 14 year old giant schnauzer/english sheepdog mix named hattie. in my opinion, both our dogs are very cute, but i might be biased since i love dogs a lot no matter the breed. however, moira doesn’t really like small dogs. she says they’re too loud and yappy and stupid, which is harsh in my opinion, but i get that everyone has preferences. my issue with moira is that she constantly insults meatloaf. every time i talk about him or pull up a picture of him, she’ll say that he’s ugly, that shih tzus are extremely stupid and incapable of love, or that he’s so loud and annoying. even if i’m talking to someone else about meatloaf in her presence, she’ll butt in and say something about how ugly and dumb shih tzus are and how she thinks bigger dogs are better. it’s always said in an extremely mean tone, so i know she’s not joking. like i said, i don’t have a problem with her having preferences for bigger dogs, but it’s getting really tiring hearing her say things like that. i’ve asked her to stop multiple times and that it hurts my feelings to hear her talk about my dog in that way, but she always says it’s just her opinion and i shouldn’t take it so seriously. this is where i think i might be ta. recently, i was telling one of our mutual friends about meatloaf getting the zoomies. i showed him a video, and we were both laughing when moira cut in and said that she thinks meatloaf looks especially ugly when he runs around and that she hopes he crashes into something and gets hurt because “that’s what he gets for being so annoying.” i was shocked and i couldn’t believe she would wish harm upon my dog when he didn’t do anything wrong. to me, it was going too far so i snapped and said, “and you look especially ugly today, but you don’t hear me complaining about it.” moira looked hurt and left right away, and i immediately felt bad about what i said. but at the same time i just couldn’t stand hearing her talk about meatloaf that way and i figured that she should be able to handle what she dishes out. still, some of my other friends have texted me that what i did was uncalled for and that moira making fun of meatloaf wasn’t comparable to me insulting her appearance. i regret what i said, but at the same time, i’ve asked her stop multiple times and i’m not going to just stand there while she wishes harm on my dog. so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my friend moira and i(both 18f) are both dog owners. i have a 5 year old shih tzu named meatloaf and she has a 14 year old giant schnauzer/english sheepdog mix named hattie. in my opinion, both our dogs are very cute, but i might be biased since i love dogs a lot no matter the breed. however, moira doesn’t really like small dogs. she says they’re too loud and yappy and stupid, which is harsh in my opinion, but i get that everyone has preferences. my issue with moira is that she constantly insults meatloaf. every time i talk about him or pull up a picture of him, she’ll say that he’s ugly, that shih tzus are extremely stupid and incapable of love, or that he’s so loud and annoying. even if i’m talking to someone else about meatloaf in her presence, she’ll butt in and say something about how ugly and dumb shih tzus are and how she thinks bigger dogs are better. it’s always said in an extremely mean tone, so i know she’s not joking. like i said, i don’t have a problem with her having preferences for bigger dogs, but it’s getting really tiring hearing her say things like that. i’ve asked her to stop multiple times and that it hurts my feelings to hear her talk about my dog in that way, but she always says it’s just her opinion and i shouldn’t take it so seriously. this is where i think i might be ta. recently, i was telling one of our mutual friends about meatloaf getting the zoomies. i showed him a video, and we were both laughing when moira cut in and said that she thinks meatloaf looks especially ugly when he runs around and that she hopes he crashes into something and gets hurt because “that’s what he gets for being so annoying.” i was shocked and i couldn’t believe she would wish harm upon my dog when he didn’t do anything wrong. to me, it was going too far so i snapped and said, “and you look especially ugly today, but you don’t hear me complaining about it.” moira looked hurt and left right away, and i immediately felt bad about what i said. but at the same time i just couldn’t stand hearing her talk about meatloaf that way and i figured that she should be able to handle what she dishes out. still, some of my other friends have texted me that what i did was uncalled for and that moira making fun of meatloaf wasn’t comparable to me insulting her appearance. i regret what i said, but at the same time, i’ve asked her stop multiple times and i’m not going to just stand there while she wishes harm on my dog. so aita? [/INST] nta. moira is an asshole. sounds to me like she’s jealous of the attention your dog gets. </s>
AITA for telling my friend the truth about a girl’s past?	i went to high school with this girl. we both go to the same community college now. i run into her around campus and at the frat parties from time to time. my friend is in marketing class with her and one time when we ran into each other they hit it off and exchanged numbers. i did not think it would go anywhere because he’s really christian and promiscuity is big deal for him. when i knew her in high school she really promiscuous and like weirdly proud of it. she would brag and joke about it like it was some big accomplishment. my friend kept talking about her and i asked him what the deal was, that i thought he didn’t go for girls who’ve been with a lot of guys. he said that she told him she’s only had one boyfriend. i laughed and said yeah one boyfriend maybe, but she worked her way through half the class. he was pretty shocked, she had been totally misrepresented herself to him. at the time it felt like the right thing to do to let him know the truth, but now i’m not looking foreword to running into her again. i mean it’s something that’s important to him and i still think he has a right to know so he can choose someone right for himself, but on the other hand it’s feels a little shitty basically airing her laundry. she should have been the one to do it. i personally don’t care about numbers, but some people really do and they should be able to avoid that if that’s what they want to do.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bb9lan/aita_for_telling_my_friend_the_truth_about_a/	2019-04-09 15:54:46	info do you actually know that she "worked her way through half the class"? &#x200b; high school is a weird time where people will just say shit because they think it makes them cool or something	yta. it's none of your business. you're now spreading rumors and mucking about in other people's lives in a destructive way.	yta people can change, and college is a great time to do that. you took that away from her. it wasn't your place to tell, especially where they were just starting up together. in the future just keep your mouth shut unless something is illegal or dangerous. not your monkeys, not your circus.	yes yta, this was in no way your business to bring up. >it’s feels a little shitty basically airing her laundry. that's because it was an asshole move.	yta. spreading high school level gossip in college. dick move	yta because, unless you were in the room you have no idea what she actually got up to and you have no idea if what she said was truth or a result of peer pressure, or an fu to rumours circulating. also, how many sexual partners a woman has had does not define her worth.	yta- 100% it was none of your business. did they explicitly talk about sexual partners or past relationships? like you said she may have only had one boyfriend before. her past was hers to tell and the way you phrase it clearly shows you think she's trash because of it.	yta. i say this because it feels close to home. i was that highschool girl who got around...big time. looking for love and validation in all the wrong places. when i turned 20 i spent an entire year completely abstaining from sex/relationships and then met my current boyfriend at the age of 21 (i am almost 30 now and still with him and have never cheated). my sexual past is something that i am ashamed of and something that gave me a bad reputation but i am not that person anymore and havnt been that person since highschool.... if you knew for a fact that this girl was still behaving that way and were concerned for your friends heart then maybe it would be appropriate to bring it up but a lot can change in just a couple years...maybe she is not that girl anymore and you just ruined something that could have been more or perpetuated a rumor about someone who has changed their ways.	i’m gonna have to go with yta, maybe the conversion didn’t go down exactly as you typed it out but the way you described it you come off as just being spiteful and hurtful and less concerned with your friends well being than you are about outing this chick as once being slutty if it was really about making sure your friend was prepared for what he was getting himself into then you could’ve been more tactful with how you chose to tell him	yta. that was not only cruel and unnecessary, but you ruined their relationship. you took it upon yourself to take away her chance at turning over a new leaf. her sex life is none of your business.	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.003	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i went to high school with this girl. we both go to the same community college now. i run into her around campus and at the frat parties from time to time. my friend is in marketing class with her and one time when we ran into each other they hit it off and exchanged numbers. i did not think it would go anywhere because he’s really christian and promiscuity is big deal for him. when i knew her in high school she really promiscuous and like weirdly proud of it. she would brag and joke about it like it was some big accomplishment. my friend kept talking about her and i asked him what the deal was, that i thought he didn’t go for girls who’ve been with a lot of guys. he said that she told him she’s only had one boyfriend. i laughed and said yeah one boyfriend maybe, but she worked her way through half the class. he was pretty shocked, she had been totally misrepresented herself to him. at the time it felt like the right thing to do to let him know the truth, but now i’m not looking foreword to running into her again. i mean it’s something that’s important to him and i still think he has a right to know so he can choose someone right for himself, but on the other hand it’s feels a little shitty basically airing her laundry. she should have been the one to do it. i personally don’t care about numbers, but some people really do and they should be able to avoid that if that’s what they want to do.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i went to high school with this girl. we both go to the same community college now. i run into her around campus and at the frat parties from time to time. my friend is in marketing class with her and one time when we ran into each other they hit it off and exchanged numbers. i did not think it would go anywhere because he’s really christian and promiscuity is big deal for him. when i knew her in high school she really promiscuous and like weirdly proud of it. she would brag and joke about it like it was some big accomplishment. my friend kept talking about her and i asked him what the deal was, that i thought he didn’t go for girls who’ve been with a lot of guys. he said that she told him she’s only had one boyfriend. i laughed and said yeah one boyfriend maybe, but she worked her way through half the class. he was pretty shocked, she had been totally misrepresented herself to him. at the time it felt like the right thing to do to let him know the truth, but now i’m not looking foreword to running into her again. i mean it’s something that’s important to him and i still think he has a right to know so he can choose someone right for himself, but on the other hand it’s feels a little shitty basically airing her laundry. she should have been the one to do it. i personally don’t care about numbers, but some people really do and they should be able to avoid that if that’s what they want to do. [/INST] info do you actually know that she "worked her way through half the class"? &#x200b; high school is a weird time where people will just say shit because they think it makes them cool or something </s>
AITA for telling my wife our son is too old to have her comb his hair, etc,	we have an 11yo boy and to say he's a mama's boy is an understatement. while he showers, she lays out his clothes, brings him a towel, and after he comes out, she combs his hair. he started playing lacrosse and she now brings him a protein drink. point is that he's walking in and out in the buck while she's in there. he's in middle school now. he doesn't think much of it. i mentioned this to my wife and she shrugged and said its not uncommon in her culture to do those things for kids at that age. she said moms even go into the boys locker room (she is swedish) and that americans are uptight. i told her regardless, he's too old.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jl4ql6/aita_for_telling_my_wife_our_son_is_too_old_to/	2020-10-30 20:38:01	nah. i mean if they don't have an issue why create one? is he your only child? and she is correct that americans tend to be very uptight about nudity.	nah. it seems like two potential issues: 1. culturally what's appropriate parent/child interaction at that age. there is likely a cultural divide and nothing she's doing is objectively wrong or harmful. you're not likely to get much traction reasoning against different cultural norms. 2. what your son is missing out on by having mom's help, like learning self-reliance. instead of trying to make it seem like what she's doing is wrong (which she doesn't agree with), maybe talk to her about what your son is missing out on (learning self-reliance) and see if you can agree about some particular changes in order to benefit your son's development.	yta, as a european i consider this caring for, rather than coddling, and i bet your son is perfectly able to do those things but just loves his mom a lot. i don't really understand that comments that say that he should be doing this by himself or it's weird that he can't do it. it doesn't say that anywhere? i can make my own tea but i love that my bf does it for me. it called love yall. 11 is not too old for his mom to do things that show her love and care to him. you sound kinda cold.	coming from an european perspective, americans are uptight regarding nudity and family nudity. coming from an americans perspective it's understandable that you think she's spoiling him. i would like to address however that the swedes and finns and all the other nordic countries have much less problems with toxic masculinity than america. you may think your wife too close to your son, because it feels unfamiliar to you personally or to the upbringing you received, but i'd trust her on this. your son will grow up to be a fine young man, because he has two parents who care deeply about him. also the 'mamas boy' thing is kinda mean, considering that having a good and stable relationship with their mothers grants boys and men better statistics in life. (i think i read that somewhere. regarding level of health, length of life, stuff like that). if he wants her to stop, he can and will tell her himself. that's what adolescence is for.	[deleted]	i can promise you that he will not lack the skill to brush his own hair in the future. it sounds like bonding time to me. soon enough he will want for it to stop.	nah. we, europeans are like that too. it’s just the way our culture is. it’s harmless if your son doesn’t mind it.	info. how does he really feel? if he doesn't care one way or the other, then it's harmless. he is still a kid, maybe he hasn't quite started puberty yet. if she's pressuring him to not feel embarrassed, that would be a problem. you should talk to him about it.	kinda yta? i get your reservations, it’s culturally strange for you, but... why is it a problem? “he’s too old” - what are you worried about? your wife is just taking care of your son in a way that is culturally the norm for her. i’m 21, i love having my family groom my hair, it’s bonding. are you worried he’ll get comfortable in that way around people he shouldn’t? then you should have that conversation with him, that has nothing to do with your wife just... existing with your kid, prepping clothes and food and doing his hair. do you think he needs to take responsibility for his hygiene and be more independent because he refuses to do those things himself? or is your wife just doting on him while she has the chance because he’s young and one day he won’t be around anymore. ultimately, ask yourself, what is the negative outcome of letting her do that? do you really think whatever that outcome is, would come true? if so, how would you explain that reasoning better, and how would you take other steps to make sure it doesn’t happen?	null	NAH	NAH	YTA	null	null	null	NAH	INFO	YTA	null	0.564545	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we have an 11yo boy and to say he's a mama's boy is an understatement. while he showers, she lays out his clothes, brings him a towel, and after he comes out, she combs his hair. he started playing lacrosse and she now brings him a protein drink. point is that he's walking in and out in the buck while she's in there. he's in middle school now. he doesn't think much of it. i mentioned this to my wife and she shrugged and said its not uncommon in her culture to do those things for kids at that age. she said moms even go into the boys locker room (she is swedish) and that americans are uptight. i told her regardless, he's too old.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> we have an 11yo boy and to say he's a mama's boy is an understatement. while he showers, she lays out his clothes, brings him a towel, and after he comes out, she combs his hair. he started playing lacrosse and she now brings him a protein drink. point is that he's walking in and out in the buck while she's in there. he's in middle school now. he doesn't think much of it. i mentioned this to my wife and she shrugged and said its not uncommon in her culture to do those things for kids at that age. she said moms even go into the boys locker room (she is swedish) and that americans are uptight. i told her regardless, he's too old. [/INST] nah. i mean if they don't have an issue why create one? is he your only child? and she is correct that americans tend to be very uptight about nudity. </s>
AITA for buying Nintendo Switch without telling my parents?	to preface i’m (18f) a high school senior living with my family. i admit i’m a disappointment to my parents. they had high hopes for me but my mental health hit rock bottom in 11th grade and i’ve been flunking in school since then. i told them i don’t plan on going to college (i do, but my priority is on moving out first). i am expected to pay rent if i wanna keep living with them after high school. i had a part time job for couple months before this whole shenanigan happened and now i’m pretty much unemployed. anyways, couple weeks ago i preordered switch lite (coral) along with animal crossing. i’ve been hesitating about it for a while since it’s a little out of my budget, but i wanted to hop on that bandwagon while people are still playing the game. i figured with the money i have saved up, i would be ok for couple months as long as i start working by summer. other than necessities like phone bills, i only really spend my money on coffee and that hasn’t been the case since all cafes closed down. when the switch arrived today, i was ecstatic. i’ve been looking forward to this for couple weeks and i couldn’t believe i finally have a switch too. my mom’s reaction was quiet the opposite. she thought i was irresponsible and stupid for spending so much on a video game, especially without discussing it with her beforehand. she felt like i disrespected her opinion by doing so since she’s against me playing games. i didn’t think she’d be happy but i wasn’t expecting her to be this angry. i got defensive and said i should be able to spend my own money however i want, and that it’s unfair she’s ok spending $250 on my little brother’s new trumpet while i can’t spend my own money on things i want. in my mind, hobbies are hobbies no matter how productive or unproductive they are. my brother isn’t a professional musician. playing music is just a hobby for him. when i was his age, i bought my own drawing tablet with a money i won in an essay contest. anyways my comment tipped her over the edge and it turned into a full on hour long lecture. once she calmed down, she told me i was allowed to keep my switch. (and my parents decided to “pay” for my switch by transferring $200 to my bank account, because they think i’m broke. when i told my dad i’m not, he told me to keep it as an allowance and in return allow my mom and brother to use the switch too.) i can see why my parents would be concerned and unhappy with my decision, but i don’t think they have the right to decide how i spend my money. but once again, i am living under their roof. tl;dr- parents think i’m irresponsible for buying a switch while indefinitely unemployed, aita?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fwyoii/aita_for_buying_nintendo_switch_without_telling/	2020-04-08 03:12:21	nta - return that money or else that switch is gonna be not yours in the near future - especially if you are trying to move out	nta but concur with other posters, give them back the money or you will end up never seeing that switch and your little brother will get it	nta you’re parents agree with that too, which is why they transferred you the money. you made a point that a hobby is a hobby, whether it’s playing an instrument or a video game. your mom likely got so upset because you were right. it’s stories hard for parents to their children when they are wrong. i see the money transfer as a “you’re right, here’s this for your hobby since we bought your brother an instrument for his hobby.” however, they didn’t have to do that. that was kind of them to do. you are 18 and you are absolutely right, you have the choice with how you want to spend your money. reckless or not, it’s something you learn in life.	nta your parents definitely are for forcibly "buying" your switch from you.	nta return the money, that switch is yours. you may be living under their roof but you are an adult stop letting them control you. good luck moving out and getting away from this sort of thing in the future.	nta you bought something for yourself with your own money, it’s yours. your dad is gently an ah for insisting on giving you part of the money for it and then leveraging that to make you share it with your mom and brother. i’m with other commenters saying to give him that money back and tell your family that the console is yours. should you share your console with anyone, it should be your choice, on your terms, and out of your own generosity alone.	nta. return the money!!!! they will hold that over your head	i bought a ps4 without my mothers consent (18 as well) guess who got angry at me you're not the a**hole, parents are just jerks sometimes	nta if they insist on you not returning the money. you can slip it back into either parents’ pocket/purse/ dresser or wherever with a note saying that you don’t need this money and you appreciate it but no thanks. you can take a picture for record so if the day does come of you moving out they won’t hold it against you. another thing might be to hold on to the money and on the day you do move out give the money back to them	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: to preface i’m (18f) a high school senior living with my family. i admit i’m a disappointment to my parents. they had high hopes for me but my mental health hit rock bottom in 11th grade and i’ve been flunking in school since then. i told them i don’t plan on going to college (i do, but my priority is on moving out first). i am expected to pay rent if i wanna keep living with them after high school. i had a part time job for couple months before this whole shenanigan happened and now i’m pretty much unemployed. anyways, couple weeks ago i preordered switch lite (coral) along with animal crossing. i’ve been hesitating about it for a while since it’s a little out of my budget, but i wanted to hop on that bandwagon while people are still playing the game. i figured with the money i have saved up, i would be ok for couple months as long as i start working by summer. other than necessities like phone bills, i only really spend my money on coffee and that hasn’t been the case since all cafes closed down. when the switch arrived today, i was ecstatic. i’ve been looking forward to this for couple weeks and i couldn’t believe i finally have a switch too. my mom’s reaction was quiet the opposite. she thought i was irresponsible and stupid for spending so much on a video game, especially without discussing it with her beforehand. she felt like i disrespected her opinion by doing so since she’s against me playing games. i didn’t think she’d be happy but i wasn’t expecting her to be this angry. i got defensive and said i should be able to spend my own money however i want, and that it’s unfair she’s ok spending $250 on my little brother’s new trumpet while i can’t spend my own money on things i want. in my mind, hobbies are hobbies no matter how productive or unproductive they are. my brother isn’t a professional musician. playing music is just a hobby for him. when i was his age, i bought my own drawing tablet with a money i won in an essay contest. anyways my comment tipped her over the edge and it turned into a full on hour long lecture. once she calmed down, she told me i was allowed to keep my switch. (and my parents decided to “pay” for my switch by transferring $200 to my bank account, because they think i’m broke. when i told my dad i’m not, he told me to keep it as an allowance and in return allow my mom and brother to use the switch too.) i can see why my parents would be concerned and unhappy with my decision, but i don’t think they have the right to decide how i spend my money. but once again, i am living under their roof. tl;dr- parents think i’m irresponsible for buying a switch while indefinitely unemployed, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> to preface i’m (18f) a high school senior living with my family. i admit i’m a disappointment to my parents. they had high hopes for me but my mental health hit rock bottom in 11th grade and i’ve been flunking in school since then. i told them i don’t plan on going to college (i do, but my priority is on moving out first). i am expected to pay rent if i wanna keep living with them after high school. i had a part time job for couple months before this whole shenanigan happened and now i’m pretty much unemployed. anyways, couple weeks ago i preordered switch lite (coral) along with animal crossing. i’ve been hesitating about it for a while since it’s a little out of my budget, but i wanted to hop on that bandwagon while people are still playing the game. i figured with the money i have saved up, i would be ok for couple months as long as i start working by summer. other than necessities like phone bills, i only really spend my money on coffee and that hasn’t been the case since all cafes closed down. when the switch arrived today, i was ecstatic. i’ve been looking forward to this for couple weeks and i couldn’t believe i finally have a switch too. my mom’s reaction was quiet the opposite. she thought i was irresponsible and stupid for spending so much on a video game, especially without discussing it with her beforehand. she felt like i disrespected her opinion by doing so since she’s against me playing games. i didn’t think she’d be happy but i wasn’t expecting her to be this angry. i got defensive and said i should be able to spend my own money however i want, and that it’s unfair she’s ok spending $250 on my little brother’s new trumpet while i can’t spend my own money on things i want. in my mind, hobbies are hobbies no matter how productive or unproductive they are. my brother isn’t a professional musician. playing music is just a hobby for him. when i was his age, i bought my own drawing tablet with a money i won in an essay contest. anyways my comment tipped her over the edge and it turned into a full on hour long lecture. once she calmed down, she told me i was allowed to keep my switch. (and my parents decided to “pay” for my switch by transferring $200 to my bank account, because they think i’m broke. when i told my dad i’m not, he told me to keep it as an allowance and in return allow my mom and brother to use the switch too.) i can see why my parents would be concerned and unhappy with my decision, but i don’t think they have the right to decide how i spend my money. but once again, i am living under their roof. tl;dr- parents think i’m irresponsible for buying a switch while indefinitely unemployed, aita? [/INST] nta - return that money or else that switch is gonna be not yours in the near future - especially if you are trying to move out </s>
AITA for sending my teens to the dentist alone?	my teens are 18f (college freshman) and 16f (high school junior). they have been going to the same pediatric dentist since they were little and will until they are 19 & switch to a regular dentist. appointments are made 6 months in advance, and if you have to cancel, it can take up to 8 weeks to get in again, as you have to wait for somebody else to cancel, because this dentist is super good and super popular. so, my daughters had their appt today at 1 p.m., which worked out fine for the older kid who is doing college online, and the younger was able to get a pass from school to go. they both have cars and drove themselves to the dentist. i did not go, bc (a) i would have had to stay in the car anyway due to the pandemic and only parents of kids under 6 are allowed to go in with their children, (b) my husband and i have raised our kids to do as much for themselves as possible as soon as possible so this was a good opportunity for them to go to the dentist independently, be on time, answer questions, etc, and (c), i've been taking care of my elderly parents since my dad had a stroke last week, and i had a bunch of phone calls to make to get home health care set up for them (my dad was my mom's caregiver before he had the stroke) until i can get them into an assisted living center together. the dentist office is acting like i am a real ah for not going all the way across town to sit in the parking lot while they had their appointments. they like parents to pay the cost at the appointment, and they didn't get my payment until after my daughters left and gave me the total so i could pay online. so they scolded me for that, and they scolded me because i wasn't in the parking lot so i could tell them whatever my concerns were about my kids' teeth (i didn't have any concerns, and what difference does it make if i'm on the phone with them in the parking lot or across town?!?!). the dentist's office manager acted like i was a deadbeat mother who did not make her children's dental health a priority. what do you think - aita?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ikcdpn/aita_for_sending_my_teens_to_the_dentist_alone/	2020-09-01 02:54:18	nta one is legally an adult, and the other is perfectly capable of dealing with the dentist on their own, and if there was a problem the sister was there. the staff is being ridiculous, did they want you to escort them to the potty and wipe their bums too??	nta if you have been going to the same dentist for years, they should be able to handle a delayed payment of few hours. i've had to mail a check to my dentist because i didn't have either a card or my checkbook in my purse. there is no clinical reason they should still be seeing a pediatric dentist; it's the relationship that's been established that counts and the office manager doesn't seem to value that. they are driving themselves to appointments, you might as well transfer both of them to a regular dentist; and that's true even if they are in orthodontia.	nta dramatic much? lol they need to chill.	nta. i was going to the dentist alone in high school. and most parents aren't going to have concerns about their children's teeth every 6 months, it would be kinda weird if they did. did the manager actually call you a deadbeat mother? what did they actually say? i don't get what their problem is if you paid on time.	nta they're teens not infants. it seems to me that's is just a routine dental appointment, unless they're getting their wisdom teeth pulled or something that warrants the need for heavy dose of anesthesia, you don't need to be there.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my teens are 18f (college freshman) and 16f (high school junior). they have been going to the same pediatric dentist since they were little and will until they are 19 & switch to a regular dentist. appointments are made 6 months in advance, and if you have to cancel, it can take up to 8 weeks to get in again, as you have to wait for somebody else to cancel, because this dentist is super good and super popular. so, my daughters had their appt today at 1 p.m., which worked out fine for the older kid who is doing college online, and the younger was able to get a pass from school to go. they both have cars and drove themselves to the dentist. i did not go, bc (a) i would have had to stay in the car anyway due to the pandemic and only parents of kids under 6 are allowed to go in with their children, (b) my husband and i have raised our kids to do as much for themselves as possible as soon as possible so this was a good opportunity for them to go to the dentist independently, be on time, answer questions, etc, and (c), i've been taking care of my elderly parents since my dad had a stroke last week, and i had a bunch of phone calls to make to get home health care set up for them (my dad was my mom's caregiver before he had the stroke) until i can get them into an assisted living center together. the dentist office is acting like i am a real ah for not going all the way across town to sit in the parking lot while they had their appointments. they like parents to pay the cost at the appointment, and they didn't get my payment until after my daughters left and gave me the total so i could pay online. so they scolded me for that, and they scolded me because i wasn't in the parking lot so i could tell them whatever my concerns were about my kids' teeth (i didn't have any concerns, and what difference does it make if i'm on the phone with them in the parking lot or across town?!?!). the dentist's office manager acted like i was a deadbeat mother who did not make her children's dental health a priority. what do you think - aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my teens are 18f (college freshman) and 16f (high school junior). they have been going to the same pediatric dentist since they were little and will until they are 19 & switch to a regular dentist. appointments are made 6 months in advance, and if you have to cancel, it can take up to 8 weeks to get in again, as you have to wait for somebody else to cancel, because this dentist is super good and super popular. so, my daughters had their appt today at 1 p.m., which worked out fine for the older kid who is doing college online, and the younger was able to get a pass from school to go. they both have cars and drove themselves to the dentist. i did not go, bc (a) i would have had to stay in the car anyway due to the pandemic and only parents of kids under 6 are allowed to go in with their children, (b) my husband and i have raised our kids to do as much for themselves as possible as soon as possible so this was a good opportunity for them to go to the dentist independently, be on time, answer questions, etc, and (c), i've been taking care of my elderly parents since my dad had a stroke last week, and i had a bunch of phone calls to make to get home health care set up for them (my dad was my mom's caregiver before he had the stroke) until i can get them into an assisted living center together. the dentist office is acting like i am a real ah for not going all the way across town to sit in the parking lot while they had their appointments. they like parents to pay the cost at the appointment, and they didn't get my payment until after my daughters left and gave me the total so i could pay online. so they scolded me for that, and they scolded me because i wasn't in the parking lot so i could tell them whatever my concerns were about my kids' teeth (i didn't have any concerns, and what difference does it make if i'm on the phone with them in the parking lot or across town?!?!). the dentist's office manager acted like i was a deadbeat mother who did not make her children's dental health a priority. what do you think - aita? [/INST] nta one is legally an adult, and the other is perfectly capable of dealing with the dentist on their own, and if there was a problem the sister was there. the staff is being ridiculous, did they want you to escort them to the potty and wipe their bums too?? </s>
AITA for storming out of a family dinner because they started picking at my grades.	i [16m] am doing the highest level math course in my high school. i started having a private tutor only in high school. i have adhd and have a difficult time studying alone, especially because my parents won't pay or allow me to take medications to treat it. anyways, flash forwards to about a week ago where my aunt invited all of our family to dinner, including my grandparents, cousins, aunt's and cousins. it was pretty big and she cooked a lot of food. i have always respected her even though she has always been all up in my business and trying to lecture me, mainly about school. i had a really big math test a week before the dinner which i failed. my parents paid a lot of money to my tutor for that test and were blatantly disappointed with me, which i understood why... at the dinner my aunt asked me how the test went, privately, and i told her i failed, keep in mind that was a conversation between the two of us and i had no intention of sharing it with my whole family, even though they all know my parents pay a lot to my tutor. she said she expected better and i thought that was it. flash forwards to dinner time, we were all chatting and eating , it was obvious she spent a lot of time cooking it. but during dinner the conversation died a little, probably because everyone was eating, and to my surprise she asks me why i failed the test even though my parents paid a lot of money to my tutor (loud enough for everyone to hear, and with clear intentions for everyone else to hear) she succeeded, the whole family started a conversation about how i'm failing math and my parents are burning money (i'm not failing math, my grades aren't high but they're not low) my uncle started making "suggestions" to my parents like cutting off my wifi, taking my phone/ computer, etc. i lashed out on him saying nobody cares for his opinions and called him an idiot because i need all of these things to study, and i told my aunt she was an asshole and explained that i didn't want to share it with the whole family. i got up from the table and started heading out. of course i didn't have a car or keys or anything and it was pretty far from our home so i just stayed outside and waited for my parents to finish, i texted them to let them know to finish up and come. my dad left, and we drove home, he totally backed me up. my mom and little brother stayed there. later that night my mom and brother got home, and my mom told me what i did wasn't nice and that i should apologize, i laughed to her face and she told me that it doesn't matter if i'm right and they're wrong, because they're older so i should apologize, i told her there's no way in hell i'm doing it and that was it. the following day my aunt (the one who made the dinner) texted me that she wasn't sorry for saying that but she apologized for "opening it up at the dinner table" i left her on read and that was it. so am i the asshole?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tf56bl/aita_for_storming_out_of_a_family_dinner_because/	2022-03-16 00:49:57	nta. what kind of disgusting monster does that to a child? your parents are 100% to blame for this, btw- if you refuse to give your child the medication they need, you are sabotaging your child. your parents have no right to get upset with you. they are wasting money on a tutor when you need a doctor.	nta at all. your aunt is clearly an ah and your mother was no help whatsoever. sounds like your father had your back, thank goodness. i think i'd avoid that aunt going forward and would never share anything you want to keep private with her again. jeez, my blood just boils at how awful that dinner must have been. i'm sorry that happened to you. there's no apology needed from you given that your aunt could have avoided the entire mess by keeping her trap shut.	nta. what an incredibly toxic situation. good for your for drawing a boundary with your extended family. i’m glad your father supports you.	nta. "why did i fail my math test you ask? because my parents refuse to pay for medication that would help me focus on my studies." for real though, your parents aren't doing you any favours. having an asshole aunt is just the shit icing on a shit cake. i hope you can convince your folks to change their mind about meds, good luck!	big oof. nta. good on your dad, in this situation, for backing you up. maths can be hard (you hear me statistics????). tutors can be bad. adhd throws giant spanners into this. why won't they pay for medication? not officially diagnosed? i've heard some places apparently don't recognise some disorders as diagnosable until you're 18 so you can't get prescriptions. or just piling onto you because "adhd isn't real, you just need to knuckle down"? curious, why are you doing highest level maths? like career choice? parental pressure? i've got this niggling feeling (i could be way off) that you don't really want to be doing that level maths. this is a big factor as to why you could be struggling. extended family dinner is not the place to talk about this, unless you have brought it up. that place is at school with teachers and other support as well as with doctors, therapists. sounds like you feel bad enough about this already without needing every person and their dog to weigh in with "just my opinion". i'd really push for the medication. anecdotal i know, but i know a couple people with different "severity" of adhd. one of them the meds are almost like a switch, the other is able to manage without meds with a "method" that a therapist/psychologist helped them create. also, respect is earned, not just given.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i [16m] am doing the highest level math course in my high school. i started having a private tutor only in high school. i have adhd and have a difficult time studying alone, especially because my parents won't pay or allow me to take medications to treat it. anyways, flash forwards to about a week ago where my aunt invited all of our family to dinner, including my grandparents, cousins, aunt's and cousins. it was pretty big and she cooked a lot of food. i have always respected her even though she has always been all up in my business and trying to lecture me, mainly about school. i had a really big math test a week before the dinner which i failed. my parents paid a lot of money to my tutor for that test and were blatantly disappointed with me, which i understood why... at the dinner my aunt asked me how the test went, privately, and i told her i failed, keep in mind that was a conversation between the two of us and i had no intention of sharing it with my whole family, even though they all know my parents pay a lot to my tutor. she said she expected better and i thought that was it. flash forwards to dinner time, we were all chatting and eating , it was obvious she spent a lot of time cooking it. but during dinner the conversation died a little, probably because everyone was eating, and to my surprise she asks me why i failed the test even though my parents paid a lot of money to my tutor (loud enough for everyone to hear, and with clear intentions for everyone else to hear) she succeeded, the whole family started a conversation about how i'm failing math and my parents are burning money (i'm not failing math, my grades aren't high but they're not low) my uncle started making "suggestions" to my parents like cutting off my wifi, taking my phone/ computer, etc. i lashed out on him saying nobody cares for his opinions and called him an idiot because i need all of these things to study, and i told my aunt she was an asshole and explained that i didn't want to share it with the whole family. i got up from the table and started heading out. of course i didn't have a car or keys or anything and it was pretty far from our home so i just stayed outside and waited for my parents to finish, i texted them to let them know to finish up and come. my dad left, and we drove home, he totally backed me up. my mom and little brother stayed there. later that night my mom and brother got home, and my mom told me what i did wasn't nice and that i should apologize, i laughed to her face and she told me that it doesn't matter if i'm right and they're wrong, because they're older so i should apologize, i told her there's no way in hell i'm doing it and that was it. the following day my aunt (the one who made the dinner) texted me that she wasn't sorry for saying that but she apologized for "opening it up at the dinner table" i left her on read and that was it. so am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i [16m] am doing the highest level math course in my high school. i started having a private tutor only in high school. i have adhd and have a difficult time studying alone, especially because my parents won't pay or allow me to take medications to treat it. anyways, flash forwards to about a week ago where my aunt invited all of our family to dinner, including my grandparents, cousins, aunt's and cousins. it was pretty big and she cooked a lot of food. i have always respected her even though she has always been all up in my business and trying to lecture me, mainly about school. i had a really big math test a week before the dinner which i failed. my parents paid a lot of money to my tutor for that test and were blatantly disappointed with me, which i understood why... at the dinner my aunt asked me how the test went, privately, and i told her i failed, keep in mind that was a conversation between the two of us and i had no intention of sharing it with my whole family, even though they all know my parents pay a lot to my tutor. she said she expected better and i thought that was it. flash forwards to dinner time, we were all chatting and eating , it was obvious she spent a lot of time cooking it. but during dinner the conversation died a little, probably because everyone was eating, and to my surprise she asks me why i failed the test even though my parents paid a lot of money to my tutor (loud enough for everyone to hear, and with clear intentions for everyone else to hear) she succeeded, the whole family started a conversation about how i'm failing math and my parents are burning money (i'm not failing math, my grades aren't high but they're not low) my uncle started making "suggestions" to my parents like cutting off my wifi, taking my phone/ computer, etc. i lashed out on him saying nobody cares for his opinions and called him an idiot because i need all of these things to study, and i told my aunt she was an asshole and explained that i didn't want to share it with the whole family. i got up from the table and started heading out. of course i didn't have a car or keys or anything and it was pretty far from our home so i just stayed outside and waited for my parents to finish, i texted them to let them know to finish up and come. my dad left, and we drove home, he totally backed me up. my mom and little brother stayed there. later that night my mom and brother got home, and my mom told me what i did wasn't nice and that i should apologize, i laughed to her face and she told me that it doesn't matter if i'm right and they're wrong, because they're older so i should apologize, i told her there's no way in hell i'm doing it and that was it. the following day my aunt (the one who made the dinner) texted me that she wasn't sorry for saying that but she apologized for "opening it up at the dinner table" i left her on read and that was it. so am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. what kind of disgusting monster does that to a child? your parents are 100% to blame for this, btw- if you refuse to give your child the medication they need, you are sabotaging your child. your parents have no right to get upset with you. they are wasting money on a tutor when you need a doctor. </s>
AITA for getting pissed at my husband about naming our baby?	hi all. i (25f) am currently 5 months pregnant with my second son. my husband (28m) is a religious man, this is only relevant for the baby names. my husband picked the name for our first child. its a religious prophets name but it isnt bad and its has grown on me now that our first is almost 3. this wasn't the plan though, i wanted both of us to pick a name together, but after all of my names being shot down, i got tired of waiting for him to pick a name and said yes to the first name he picked. the issue i'm having is i was hoping i'd have more leeway naming our second child but that doesnt seem to be the case. i should've talked to him about this beforehand, but i have brought it up now that we're expecting again. he seems to have a unspoken list of rules about names that i've taken to writing down to help me find a name that i like. the biggest one is the fact he doesn't like old timey names. i really wanted sebastian, theodore, maxwell, any name like that but he hates them and says no every time. i can't pick a name of anyone he knows that he's had beef with, i cant pick an overly unique name like orion. no fictional names unless it's from something he likes ( he'd probably be ecstatic if i asked about naming it goku or piccolo) anyways. i've been getting increasingly frustrated and want to know if i'm being an asshole about this. is this how it is for everyone naming a child?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c8owsd/aita_for_getting_pissed_at_my_husband_about/	2019-07-03 14:42:58	nta but you seem to have issues with standing up for yourself	nta he sounds very controlling honestly. who does he think he is getting to decide what your kids names are on his own? you’re the one carrying and birthing the baby. without you he’d have no sons. my friends aren’t religious so they don’t have these rules but they decided happily together out of excitement and didn’t fight about it. i’m concerned for you if he’s this controlling.	nta just put whatever name you want on the birth certificate. he got his choice once thats plenty.	> my husband picked the name for our first child. its a religious prophets name > he doesn't like old timey names. so...your first born is the great prophet kaydyn, peace be unto him?	nta. time to play that good old "but i carried this baby and that other one over there for 9 months" card you were saving for a special occasion. i know, i know it's early but you still have the the "dried ass cracked nipples" and "stretch marks" one. jokes aside, he's being too picky and unreasonable. you gotta settle that list first. pair down those rules, otherwise it's just justification for whatever name he wants. i think making "rules" about which names can be contenders (besides like, no cuss words, no dictators, no naming our kid after alcoholic beverages) is really assholey.	nta. is he this weird and controlling about other aspects of your life?	nah, though i was tempted to vote your husband the asshole because you said he'd accept naming his kid piccolo. that's just awful. it's important for both parents to like the name of their child. there should be unlimited vetos. unfortunately the names you two like seem to exist in different galaxies, so it's taking you longer to find one. all i can tell you is keep trying. there has to be something. naming a child can be contentious for any couple. it becomes less so if the parents have similar tastes, or if one or both are generally apathetic (my so's parents said "ok, done" at the very first boy name in the book, but they argued over the girl name).	nta- you're a team and you should both be involved.	nta. he needs to discuss and agree. naming a baby is not for one parent to decide and ignore the other parents thoughts	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	null	0.000646	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi all. i (25f) am currently 5 months pregnant with my second son. my husband (28m) is a religious man, this is only relevant for the baby names. my husband picked the name for our first child. its a religious prophets name but it isnt bad and its has grown on me now that our first is almost 3. this wasn't the plan though, i wanted both of us to pick a name together, but after all of my names being shot down, i got tired of waiting for him to pick a name and said yes to the first name he picked. the issue i'm having is i was hoping i'd have more leeway naming our second child but that doesnt seem to be the case. i should've talked to him about this beforehand, but i have brought it up now that we're expecting again. he seems to have a unspoken list of rules about names that i've taken to writing down to help me find a name that i like. the biggest one is the fact he doesn't like old timey names. i really wanted sebastian, theodore, maxwell, any name like that but he hates them and says no every time. i can't pick a name of anyone he knows that he's had beef with, i cant pick an overly unique name like orion. no fictional names unless it's from something he likes ( he'd probably be ecstatic if i asked about naming it goku or piccolo) anyways. i've been getting increasingly frustrated and want to know if i'm being an asshole about this. is this how it is for everyone naming a child?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> hi all. i (25f) am currently 5 months pregnant with my second son. my husband (28m) is a religious man, this is only relevant for the baby names. my husband picked the name for our first child. its a religious prophets name but it isnt bad and its has grown on me now that our first is almost 3. this wasn't the plan though, i wanted both of us to pick a name together, but after all of my names being shot down, i got tired of waiting for him to pick a name and said yes to the first name he picked. the issue i'm having is i was hoping i'd have more leeway naming our second child but that doesnt seem to be the case. i should've talked to him about this beforehand, but i have brought it up now that we're expecting again. he seems to have a unspoken list of rules about names that i've taken to writing down to help me find a name that i like. the biggest one is the fact he doesn't like old timey names. i really wanted sebastian, theodore, maxwell, any name like that but he hates them and says no every time. i can't pick a name of anyone he knows that he's had beef with, i cant pick an overly unique name like orion. no fictional names unless it's from something he likes ( he'd probably be ecstatic if i asked about naming it goku or piccolo) anyways. i've been getting increasingly frustrated and want to know if i'm being an asshole about this. is this how it is for everyone naming a child? [/INST] nta but you seem to have issues with standing up for yourself </s>
AITA for holding a grudge against my older brother?	so long story short, i'm a (32f) and i live pretty far from my family including my brother rob (36m), i hadn't seen him in nearly 4 years prior to this incident.(i should add that he is a freelance tattoo artist, a mediocre one at that) i have my own family as a single mother. i do have one younger brother here (alfie 25 m) we hang out quite frequently and are very close. one day i get a call from rob saying that he was in my city with other cousins and wanted to come see me and my kids. naturally i was so excited i tidied up for him and made some dinner but he ended up canceling on me saying he was busy and would come again later. days passed without a call or text and the kids went to their dads for the weekend, which is my major me time. we had previously agreed that he'd do a small tattoo on me and that i would buy him his beer, takeout and we could hang (he'd stay the night etc) my other brother (alfie) was coming too and i ended up calling out of work to spend some time with him ( i worked nights). he ditched me entirely, and ignored my calls for the rest of the night. the next day i heard form alfie through text that rob had no intentions of ever coming over. i was crushed and confused. but i just shrugged it off and kept doing what i normally do. two days later alfie calls me sounding guilty, tells me that rob got a hold of my children's father (bd) the very next day that he had ditched me, invited alfie and (bd), he obviously took my children with him to my cousins house (whom i don't speak to at all) behind my back. (bd) and i are very strained but we are cordial, he had no idea of the events that happened before hand and took them over happily. i was enraged and texted rob telling him how crappy it was for him to do this, he laughed at me and said he didn't care and i made some comments about how he should worry about seeing his own kids as creatively as he went to go about seeing mine. i hit a sore spot and he proceeded to call me every word to degrade me that was that, and he went back. my parents didn't seem to care that he did that to me, tbh that hurt a lot. my problem now is that my parents call often through face time and im okay with that, but lately they have been giving the phone to rob and im not okay with that. i told my dad if they did that again id stop letting the kids get on cam. my parents are very mad at me and dont understand, but im holding my foot down. aita?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kvbyws/aita_for_holding_a_grudge_against_my_older_brother/	2021-01-11 20:59:55	nta. i feel bad that he did that. all that trouble when he could’ve asked? why go out of his way to see your kids to, and not just say he only wants to see them. that’s messed up he wasted your time like that and does it behind your back. as a mother you have every right to know where your children are and who they’re with at all times. even if it’s with people like family or friends you know, you still have that right. you also have the right to put your foot down or up someone’s ass if it comes to interfering with your kids	nta basically this is where you go low or no contact with all of them because this sounds very toxic	nta - i would be very upset with your brother and bd as well! i wouldn't ever want my children around someone that i knew was abusive and has drug issues. your parents need to respect your wishes to keep your children from your brother. (someone who put them in harms way) never apologize or feel bad for being a good parent!	definitely nta. he shouldn’t have acted in such an underhanded manner. and your parent should respect your wishes. but i feel like there’s more to this story? why hadn’t you seen him in four years? why did he ditch you? what’s the backstory?	nta. your brother basically kidnapped your kids. then, he treated you like dirt and called you horrible names. he hasn’t asked fir forgiveness, and you should not be manipulated into talking to him. time to cut them all off for their abusive behavior.	nta next time they bring up rob. hang up and put them in a time out of like a month. if your chatting you parents and rob pops on, hang up and time out. yeah weird family. r/justnofamily	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so long story short, i'm a (32f) and i live pretty far from my family including my brother rob (36m), i hadn't seen him in nearly 4 years prior to this incident.(i should add that he is a freelance tattoo artist, a mediocre one at that) i have my own family as a single mother. i do have one younger brother here (alfie 25 m) we hang out quite frequently and are very close. one day i get a call from rob saying that he was in my city with other cousins and wanted to come see me and my kids. naturally i was so excited i tidied up for him and made some dinner but he ended up canceling on me saying he was busy and would come again later. days passed without a call or text and the kids went to their dads for the weekend, which is my major me time. we had previously agreed that he'd do a small tattoo on me and that i would buy him his beer, takeout and we could hang (he'd stay the night etc) my other brother (alfie) was coming too and i ended up calling out of work to spend some time with him ( i worked nights). he ditched me entirely, and ignored my calls for the rest of the night. the next day i heard form alfie through text that rob had no intentions of ever coming over. i was crushed and confused. but i just shrugged it off and kept doing what i normally do. two days later alfie calls me sounding guilty, tells me that rob got a hold of my children's father (bd) the very next day that he had ditched me, invited alfie and (bd), he obviously took my children with him to my cousins house (whom i don't speak to at all) behind my back. (bd) and i are very strained but we are cordial, he had no idea of the events that happened before hand and took them over happily. i was enraged and texted rob telling him how crappy it was for him to do this, he laughed at me and said he didn't care and i made some comments about how he should worry about seeing his own kids as creatively as he went to go about seeing mine. i hit a sore spot and he proceeded to call me every word to degrade me that was that, and he went back. my parents didn't seem to care that he did that to me, tbh that hurt a lot. my problem now is that my parents call often through face time and im okay with that, but lately they have been giving the phone to rob and im not okay with that. i told my dad if they did that again id stop letting the kids get on cam. my parents are very mad at me and dont understand, but im holding my foot down. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so long story short, i'm a (32f) and i live pretty far from my family including my brother rob (36m), i hadn't seen him in nearly 4 years prior to this incident.(i should add that he is a freelance tattoo artist, a mediocre one at that) i have my own family as a single mother. i do have one younger brother here (alfie 25 m) we hang out quite frequently and are very close. one day i get a call from rob saying that he was in my city with other cousins and wanted to come see me and my kids. naturally i was so excited i tidied up for him and made some dinner but he ended up canceling on me saying he was busy and would come again later. days passed without a call or text and the kids went to their dads for the weekend, which is my major me time. we had previously agreed that he'd do a small tattoo on me and that i would buy him his beer, takeout and we could hang (he'd stay the night etc) my other brother (alfie) was coming too and i ended up calling out of work to spend some time with him ( i worked nights). he ditched me entirely, and ignored my calls for the rest of the night. the next day i heard form alfie through text that rob had no intentions of ever coming over. i was crushed and confused. but i just shrugged it off and kept doing what i normally do. two days later alfie calls me sounding guilty, tells me that rob got a hold of my children's father (bd) the very next day that he had ditched me, invited alfie and (bd), he obviously took my children with him to my cousins house (whom i don't speak to at all) behind my back. (bd) and i are very strained but we are cordial, he had no idea of the events that happened before hand and took them over happily. i was enraged and texted rob telling him how crappy it was for him to do this, he laughed at me and said he didn't care and i made some comments about how he should worry about seeing his own kids as creatively as he went to go about seeing mine. i hit a sore spot and he proceeded to call me every word to degrade me that was that, and he went back. my parents didn't seem to care that he did that to me, tbh that hurt a lot. my problem now is that my parents call often through face time and im okay with that, but lately they have been giving the phone to rob and im not okay with that. i told my dad if they did that again id stop letting the kids get on cam. my parents are very mad at me and dont understand, but im holding my foot down. aita? [/INST] nta. i feel bad that he did that. all that trouble when he could’ve asked? why go out of his way to see your kids to, and not just say he only wants to see them. that’s messed up he wasted your time like that and does it behind your back. as a mother you have every right to know where your children are and who they’re with at all times. even if it’s with people like family or friends you know, you still have that right. you also have the right to put your foot down or up someone’s ass if it comes to interfering with your kids </s>
AITA for blaming my partner for staining the carpet.	my (36m) partner and i (32f) have 2 kids. one is 8 and one is not quite 2. we also have our mil living with us. i look after the kids pretty much 7 days a week. i cook, i clean, i do pretty much everything while my partner invests 6 days a week into working from home. the other night i was sitting down for the first time all day, put my feet up and was watching a program i enjoy on tv. my partner had finished work for the day and offered to watch the kids so i could watch the tv program. i gratefully accepted. the next day my mil moves a towel that my partner left on the floor and there is a ghastly red stain on the carpet under the towel. she asks us what happened and my partner sits there and ignores her. i say i have no idea but get to work to remove the stain anyway. my mil then comments that she thought the kids weren't allowed to have red drinks anymore (due to an incident where my partner gave our 2 year old a red drink and he spilt it, leaving a stain) i commented that i had no idea how it had happened and my partner still sits there, saying nothing. my mil this whole time is staring at me. in the end i just snap and say my partner gave our youngest a red drink, he spilt it and my partner threw a towel over it. which was exactly what had happened. she made a comment that the kids were no longer allowed red drinks and went to bed. my partner after this gets pissed off with me and says that i threw him under the bus with the whole situation and he wanted a chance to come up with something else that it could be rather than a red drink. i tell him that's not fair, because whatever it was mil would have insisted the kids no longer have it. at that point it time he was responsible for the kids and he shouldn't have given our youngest child a red drink. he should have cleaned up the spill when it happened and that by him sitting there saying nothing he was letting me take the blame for everything because i am responsible for the kids more than he is.. he is super pissed off and now he is no longer speaking to me. so aita?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ua38rg/aita_for_blaming_my_partner_for_staining_the/	2022-04-23 11:20:42	info: “we also have our mil living with us.” are you living in your mil’s home or is she living in your home? if it’s the latter why is she dictating the parenting rules for your children?	nta. what fully grown adult throws a towel over a stain instead of cleaning it and then lies about it?	so he is pissed at you for "throwing him under the bus" just because you didn't let him throw you under the bus? also, are you living with your mil or is she living with you? if it's the latter, why is she setting up rules on what drinks are allowed and what drinks aren't in your house?	nta - he's ta here, but it also sounds like you all need to have some boundary discussions about the living situation. your mil sounds like she's ruling the roost. does she own the house? why does she get a say in that the kids are allowed? his attitude toward you sucks. his instinct to lie over a trivial accident speaks volumes, not in a good way.	nta i mean, your husband here is spouse of the year... (/s if not obvious) just because he works 6 days a week doesn't absolve him from child care or doing it properly when he does do it i mean, hell, he works from home so it isn't even like he has a commute etc to eat into his day between work and home. he should be wholely present in family life outside of work hours. you don't "babysit' your own kids, you parent them, that means clearing up any messes that happen or using non spill cups or just not giving them beverages that can stain (or only allowing them on tiled floors ie only drink that at kitchen table etc) and then only sitting there like a muppet whilst his mom is making a fuss? why didn't he clean it whilst it was still wet? does he think a magic fairy lives in the towel? or even if he doesn't know how to clean a stain... why didn't he speak to either mom or op last night and go "hey, so i had a brain fart, gave kid the forbidden red drink and we had a spillage... how do i clean it to avoid a stain?" then it would have just been a mild idiot moment and soon forgotten. and his mom is an ah for hounding you rather than going "oh, op hasn't got an idea, son... have you been a gormless muppet? why didn't you clean this rather than just drop a child on it?"	sounds like you have 3 kids you didn't blame him, you told the truth. he is simply pissed you didn't lie to cover for him. info: did you already know what had happened or did you guess based on past experience? because if you knew, why leave the stain? also, if your mil is living with you, why is she setting rules about what the kids can/cant have?? ultimately, the set up is unreasonable. one parent working 6 days a week while the other does 100% of the chores is always going to build resentment. your partner doesn't know how to parent his own kids - thats not shade, just fact. he literally doesn't spent enough time with them to know how - and you doing so much that being "grateful" for simply getting to watch tv is going to leave you burned out. a serious conversation about the dynamics in your relationship needs to be had. a partner is meant to enhance your life, not make it harder.	null	null	null	null	INFO	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	INFO	null	null	null	null	0.078384	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (36m) partner and i (32f) have 2 kids. one is 8 and one is not quite 2. we also have our mil living with us. i look after the kids pretty much 7 days a week. i cook, i clean, i do pretty much everything while my partner invests 6 days a week into working from home. the other night i was sitting down for the first time all day, put my feet up and was watching a program i enjoy on tv. my partner had finished work for the day and offered to watch the kids so i could watch the tv program. i gratefully accepted. the next day my mil moves a towel that my partner left on the floor and there is a ghastly red stain on the carpet under the towel. she asks us what happened and my partner sits there and ignores her. i say i have no idea but get to work to remove the stain anyway. my mil then comments that she thought the kids weren't allowed to have red drinks anymore (due to an incident where my partner gave our 2 year old a red drink and he spilt it, leaving a stain) i commented that i had no idea how it had happened and my partner still sits there, saying nothing. my mil this whole time is staring at me. in the end i just snap and say my partner gave our youngest a red drink, he spilt it and my partner threw a towel over it. which was exactly what had happened. she made a comment that the kids were no longer allowed red drinks and went to bed. my partner after this gets pissed off with me and says that i threw him under the bus with the whole situation and he wanted a chance to come up with something else that it could be rather than a red drink. i tell him that's not fair, because whatever it was mil would have insisted the kids no longer have it. at that point it time he was responsible for the kids and he shouldn't have given our youngest child a red drink. he should have cleaned up the spill when it happened and that by him sitting there saying nothing he was letting me take the blame for everything because i am responsible for the kids more than he is.. he is super pissed off and now he is no longer speaking to me. so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (36m) partner and i (32f) have 2 kids. one is 8 and one is not quite 2. we also have our mil living with us. i look after the kids pretty much 7 days a week. i cook, i clean, i do pretty much everything while my partner invests 6 days a week into working from home. the other night i was sitting down for the first time all day, put my feet up and was watching a program i enjoy on tv. my partner had finished work for the day and offered to watch the kids so i could watch the tv program. i gratefully accepted. the next day my mil moves a towel that my partner left on the floor and there is a ghastly red stain on the carpet under the towel. she asks us what happened and my partner sits there and ignores her. i say i have no idea but get to work to remove the stain anyway. my mil then comments that she thought the kids weren't allowed to have red drinks anymore (due to an incident where my partner gave our 2 year old a red drink and he spilt it, leaving a stain) i commented that i had no idea how it had happened and my partner still sits there, saying nothing. my mil this whole time is staring at me. in the end i just snap and say my partner gave our youngest a red drink, he spilt it and my partner threw a towel over it. which was exactly what had happened. she made a comment that the kids were no longer allowed red drinks and went to bed. my partner after this gets pissed off with me and says that i threw him under the bus with the whole situation and he wanted a chance to come up with something else that it could be rather than a red drink. i tell him that's not fair, because whatever it was mil would have insisted the kids no longer have it. at that point it time he was responsible for the kids and he shouldn't have given our youngest child a red drink. he should have cleaned up the spill when it happened and that by him sitting there saying nothing he was letting me take the blame for everything because i am responsible for the kids more than he is.. he is super pissed off and now he is no longer speaking to me. so aita? [/INST] info: “we also have our mil living with us.” are you living in your mil’s home or is she living in your home? if it’s the latter why is she dictating the parenting rules for your children? </s>
AITA - For "jumping" queues at the supermarket	go into one of the leading supermarket in the uk, where they allow you to browse stuff from 10:30 am but you can’t check out till 11 am due to some local trading regulations .i see some stuff at the rear of the conveyer belt but nobody around ,reached the front of the conveyer belt towards the till after waiting and nobody turning up for 10 mins since it was nearing 11 am. out of nowhere just before i check out a guy appears and says he is the guy who left the stuff at the rear of the conveyer belt and gone shopping around for more stuff, blames me as the queue jumper technically he lost his place in the queue when he left the queue, am i asshole , since he claimed i jumped the queue. i don’t think i did so	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e7t1rd/aita_for_jumping_queues_at_the_supermarket/	2019-12-08 12:12:17	nta can’t jump the line if there isn’t one. if you leave the line you lose your spot.	nta unless you have different local customs, you don’t get to save your spot without a person there holding it for you. how were you supposed to know how long he’d be gone? this guy is ridiculous for making a big deal out of being the 2nd customer instead of 1st.	by all the gods, it is logical and common sense that you're nta.	nta. sorry, there's not "saving" your spot by putting stuff on the conveyor belt. get in line like everyone else, so op is definitely nta.	as an american, this screams disaster!! i guess nta. seems like the store should just open at 11 to prevent people (somewhat competitively) queuing to queue.	nta, that shit pisses me off. it’s just like when people leave their bags or a few books at a table in the uni library then fuck off for a few hours, just so they have a free spot to sit during peak hour study time. you were ready before them so you can go ahead of them!	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: go into one of the leading supermarket in the uk, where they allow you to browse stuff from 10:30 am but you can’t check out till 11 am due to some local trading regulations .i see some stuff at the rear of the conveyer belt but nobody around ,reached the front of the conveyer belt towards the till after waiting and nobody turning up for 10 mins since it was nearing 11 am. out of nowhere just before i check out a guy appears and says he is the guy who left the stuff at the rear of the conveyer belt and gone shopping around for more stuff, blames me as the queue jumper technically he lost his place in the queue when he left the queue, am i asshole , since he claimed i jumped the queue. i don’t think i did so	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> go into one of the leading supermarket in the uk, where they allow you to browse stuff from 10:30 am but you can’t check out till 11 am due to some local trading regulations .i see some stuff at the rear of the conveyer belt but nobody around ,reached the front of the conveyer belt towards the till after waiting and nobody turning up for 10 mins since it was nearing 11 am. out of nowhere just before i check out a guy appears and says he is the guy who left the stuff at the rear of the conveyer belt and gone shopping around for more stuff, blames me as the queue jumper technically he lost his place in the queue when he left the queue, am i asshole , since he claimed i jumped the queue. i don’t think i did so [/INST] nta can’t jump the line if there isn’t one. if you leave the line you lose your spot. </s>
AITA for thinking my moms boyfriend should wear headphones instead of blasting his music around the house	my mom's long term boyfriend moved in with us last year. he has a habit of walking around the house blasting music from his phone. it's really fast-paced edm/dance type music which can be really annoying to hear constantly. he has this music following him around the house from the morning until when he eventually goes to work. i personally feel like he should just get some earphones, that way he can have his music as loud as he wants while also being considerate of everyone else who lives in the house. my brother and i always wear headphones if we're listening to music/watching videos/etc. maybe it's a generational thing, idk. my mom's bf lived alone before moving in with us, and i feel like he is still in that mindset of being the only person in the house. not only with the music, but other stuff too. when making phonecalls he always has loudspeaker on at full blast so everyone can hear his conversations. there was a recent incident where he was repeatedly slamming a drawer at 7 in the morning because it wouldn't close, so he was literally just slamming it for 5+ minutes until my mom told him to stop. the music thing is the only thing i'm really bothered about, and i'm considering mentioning it to my mom. however, i don't want to do that if i'm actually ta.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/exoa6q/aita_for_thinking_my_moms_boyfriend_should_wear/	2020-02-02 13:17:44	nta. please mention it to your mom and let her handle it.	nta. if everyone in the house did that, it would be chaos. he can only get away with it because the rest of you are considerate enough to keep you music and other entertainment to yourself. wearing headphones is not that hard.	nta it's rude and inconsiderate to others. talk to your mom.	nta - he needs to understand that he lives with other people now & has to take that into account. have a conversation with your mom &/or the boyfriend & talk it through. give him the chance to correct his behavior, as he honestly may not realize what he's doing. if he doesn't agree to compromise, or he agrees & doesn't follow through desire reminders, then you & your brother should stop wearing your headphones so he gets to see what it's like. maybe that will cement it in his mind. good luck.	nta that would drive me insane! i don’t even understand why people would rather listen to shitty quality phone speaker music than decent quality headphone music.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom's long term boyfriend moved in with us last year. he has a habit of walking around the house blasting music from his phone. it's really fast-paced edm/dance type music which can be really annoying to hear constantly. he has this music following him around the house from the morning until when he eventually goes to work. i personally feel like he should just get some earphones, that way he can have his music as loud as he wants while also being considerate of everyone else who lives in the house. my brother and i always wear headphones if we're listening to music/watching videos/etc. maybe it's a generational thing, idk. my mom's bf lived alone before moving in with us, and i feel like he is still in that mindset of being the only person in the house. not only with the music, but other stuff too. when making phonecalls he always has loudspeaker on at full blast so everyone can hear his conversations. there was a recent incident where he was repeatedly slamming a drawer at 7 in the morning because it wouldn't close, so he was literally just slamming it for 5+ minutes until my mom told him to stop. the music thing is the only thing i'm really bothered about, and i'm considering mentioning it to my mom. however, i don't want to do that if i'm actually ta.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my mom's long term boyfriend moved in with us last year. he has a habit of walking around the house blasting music from his phone. it's really fast-paced edm/dance type music which can be really annoying to hear constantly. he has this music following him around the house from the morning until when he eventually goes to work. i personally feel like he should just get some earphones, that way he can have his music as loud as he wants while also being considerate of everyone else who lives in the house. my brother and i always wear headphones if we're listening to music/watching videos/etc. maybe it's a generational thing, idk. my mom's bf lived alone before moving in with us, and i feel like he is still in that mindset of being the only person in the house. not only with the music, but other stuff too. when making phonecalls he always has loudspeaker on at full blast so everyone can hear his conversations. there was a recent incident where he was repeatedly slamming a drawer at 7 in the morning because it wouldn't close, so he was literally just slamming it for 5+ minutes until my mom told him to stop. the music thing is the only thing i'm really bothered about, and i'm considering mentioning it to my mom. however, i don't want to do that if i'm actually ta. [/INST] nta. please mention it to your mom and let her handle it. </s>
AITA for not cancelling plans to see my boyfriend due to a death in my manager's family?	i work in fast food. we are a tight knit group of around 13 workers, 6 of which belong to the same family. my boyfriend and i are long distance (we've been dating since january), so we don't get to see each other as often as we would like. recently, we've discussed trying to make more of an effort to see each other, so we planned a visit around my work schedule, which was posted a week and a half ago. i ran the visit by my manager, telling her what i was going to do on my days off. so, she knows about my plans. i don't get a lot of weeks with 2 days off, especially weeks with 2 consecutive days off in a row. i've also been working a lot of hours recently, and we aren't really properly paid overtime. i feel overwhelmed, and feel as if i need a much needed break. so, when the schedule came out, i was happy about it. i got my bus tickets bought, and my hotel booked. and that's when the family's grandmother passed away. i feel really bad for the family because they've been through a lot during the past year, and can't seem to catch us a break. but, here's our problem: i'm the only opening supervisor capable of opening the store whose not part of the family. i'm also relatively new to supervising. i haven't even got my + $0.25 pay increase yet. i just got a text from my manager's daughter asking me if i'm still going to my boyfriend's city. i'm assuming this is because the funeral is going to be on the day i'm set to leave, and they need a supervisor to run the restaurant. from the text message, i feel like they're hinting at me to forgo the trip. i replied to her telling her that i was still planning on going, and that i didn't think my bus tickets or hotel were refundable (which was sort of a white lie...) aita for standing my ground and still going?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dr89lw/aita_for_not_cancelling_plans_to_see_my_boyfriend/	2019-11-03 22:57:46	nta always stand your ground with work, having all the managers be from the same family is bad for this exact reason. it's not your fault they don't know how to run a business.	nta if they won’t treat you right, you don’t need to abandon the trip for them. not to mention, imagine yourself in your boyfriends shoes	nta also, if they aren't properly paying ot, consider getting a different job where they follow the labor laws.	nah i think you get their position very well but on the other hand that’s the down side of a family business they should be very aware of and not your responsibility to fix. a long distance relationship is really hard to sustain if you don’t put your partner first and honestly this job is treating you not well enough imo to risk you relationship for it. your employers always has the opportunity to close the restaurant because of the funeral which is common practice where i am from.	nta they work you like a dog. they don't "properly pay over time". you got a promotion, but didn't even get the requisite, meager pay increase. why would you cancel your trip for their benefit? on the other hand, be prepared to pay the consequences if you don't.	nta. you aren’t required to change your plans due to an emergency in someone else’s family. perhaps this will inspire them to treat their employees better.	nta. you’re just an employee in their eyes, so why should you do favors for them as if they were more than just a boss?	nta- its really super unfortunate, but you aren’t available. whatever you do, do because you want to do. can you potentially work that day if you request they pay for a new bus ticket? & additional time off to see your bf a day later? of course take his availability into consideration as well, but just an idea?	nta. sort if sucks for them, but your plans are yours, you shouldnt take a loss because fo the circumstances that your uninvolved in. they however, should have systems in place. if they are all going to attend family situations and expect that all family members can attend it's kind of dumb not to have more non family members hired or be able to close the restaurant or some plan in place. sucks for you as well, people talk and that may indirectly hurt your job, even if it shouldnt based on policy and junk.	nta. you are not responsible for the overall hiring and scheduling. in my experience it’s always been the company that expects 100% loyalty but shows none when it comes right down to it. protect yourself. in an employment situation where a bunch of folks are family, you are most likely the one to get screwed.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0.000375	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i work in fast food. we are a tight knit group of around 13 workers, 6 of which belong to the same family. my boyfriend and i are long distance (we've been dating since january), so we don't get to see each other as often as we would like. recently, we've discussed trying to make more of an effort to see each other, so we planned a visit around my work schedule, which was posted a week and a half ago. i ran the visit by my manager, telling her what i was going to do on my days off. so, she knows about my plans. i don't get a lot of weeks with 2 days off, especially weeks with 2 consecutive days off in a row. i've also been working a lot of hours recently, and we aren't really properly paid overtime. i feel overwhelmed, and feel as if i need a much needed break. so, when the schedule came out, i was happy about it. i got my bus tickets bought, and my hotel booked. and that's when the family's grandmother passed away. i feel really bad for the family because they've been through a lot during the past year, and can't seem to catch us a break. but, here's our problem: i'm the only opening supervisor capable of opening the store whose not part of the family. i'm also relatively new to supervising. i haven't even got my + $0.25 pay increase yet. i just got a text from my manager's daughter asking me if i'm still going to my boyfriend's city. i'm assuming this is because the funeral is going to be on the day i'm set to leave, and they need a supervisor to run the restaurant. from the text message, i feel like they're hinting at me to forgo the trip. i replied to her telling her that i was still planning on going, and that i didn't think my bus tickets or hotel were refundable (which was sort of a white lie...) aita for standing my ground and still going?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i work in fast food. we are a tight knit group of around 13 workers, 6 of which belong to the same family. my boyfriend and i are long distance (we've been dating since january), so we don't get to see each other as often as we would like. recently, we've discussed trying to make more of an effort to see each other, so we planned a visit around my work schedule, which was posted a week and a half ago. i ran the visit by my manager, telling her what i was going to do on my days off. so, she knows about my plans. i don't get a lot of weeks with 2 days off, especially weeks with 2 consecutive days off in a row. i've also been working a lot of hours recently, and we aren't really properly paid overtime. i feel overwhelmed, and feel as if i need a much needed break. so, when the schedule came out, i was happy about it. i got my bus tickets bought, and my hotel booked. and that's when the family's grandmother passed away. i feel really bad for the family because they've been through a lot during the past year, and can't seem to catch us a break. but, here's our problem: i'm the only opening supervisor capable of opening the store whose not part of the family. i'm also relatively new to supervising. i haven't even got my + $0.25 pay increase yet. i just got a text from my manager's daughter asking me if i'm still going to my boyfriend's city. i'm assuming this is because the funeral is going to be on the day i'm set to leave, and they need a supervisor to run the restaurant. from the text message, i feel like they're hinting at me to forgo the trip. i replied to her telling her that i was still planning on going, and that i didn't think my bus tickets or hotel were refundable (which was sort of a white lie...) aita for standing my ground and still going? [/INST] nta always stand your ground with work, having all the managers be from the same family is bad for this exact reason. it's not your fault they don't know how to run a business. </s>
AITA for booking the same holiday destination as my friend's anniversary?	i've recently started dating someone (though we've been friends for a long time) and we decided to take a weekend mini-break, but were having trouble picking where to go. i was having drinks with a friend of mine, and she mentioned that she and her boyfriend were spending their 10 year anniversary in a small town/village, around an hour outside of london. it sounded like the perfect destination, as neither my partner nor i had been before and it was very convenient to get to. by coincidence, the weekend we'd chosen to go away was the same as my friend's anniversary trip. my partner asked if i thought they might have a problem with us going to the same town on the same weekend as them. i said it wouldn't have bothered me in the reverse situation, and i doubted they'd care either. yes, it's a small town, but we weren't booking the same hotel or anything. i doubted we'd bump into each other. we booked the trip and i mentioned it the next time i saw my friend. she froze, went very quiet, and became awkward for the rest of the evening. that night, i received a long, angry, text from her (usually, very placid) boyfriend. he said he couldn't understand why i'd chosen to book the same holiday as them, and that i had in effect ruined their anniversary. he also claimed that they when i'd mentioned i was looking for a place to go, they specifically asked me to chose somewhere else, though i honestly have no recollection of this. i think they were mainly upset that i'd decided to take someone i've been dating for two months on the same trip they'd planned for a significant anniversary. i called to apologise, and he did accept, though he also insisted on providing me with an itinerary of the restaurants they'd booked over the weekend so we could make sure we'd avoid being in the same place at the same time as them. &#x200b; we spent the entire weekend on edge, worried we'd bump into them, and frankly it ended up spoiling our trip since we were so anxious about it. aita for booking the same holiday as my friend's anniversary?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/asr3jf/aita_for_booking_the_same_holiday_destination_as/	2019-02-20 17:33:36	yta. it sounds to me like they wanted time away from everything, including their friends. sometimes it's nice to get away and not have to worry about bumping into someone you know, and just have time alone with their so. this easily could have been avoided if you had cared enough to ask what weekend they were going, and planned for a different time.	yta - ultimately this wasn't a great move by you. clearly they were trying to get away for a big anniversary and you took the details of a trip she told you in confidence, and used them to book the exact trip the same weekend. they probably want special time together and now you are in a tiny town with them. your friend should have been an adult talked to you instead of getting her bf to do it, but i would be pissed too. of course you are welcome to go wherever you want, they don't own the town, but you should have picked another weekend.	yta originally i thought nah that just kind of sucks until i got to the part where your girlfriend said "do you think it would bother them" and instead of saying "i don't know i'll ask" you pretty much shrugged it off and said you wouldn't care. she noticed it might be weird and you were only focused on how you'd handle it which sounds kind of like you're not very aware of other people feelings which probably connects with why you couldn't remember them specifically asking you not to go there when they talked about planning. it only takes a few minutes to be considerate and check.	yta. you'd think if they'd booked a holiday in a sleepy little town far away from everybody that might give you a little hint that they maybe don't want to be running into family and friends. and i totally get the point about you taking away from the significance of their holiday. they've planned a trip for years and whenever somebody asks them about it people are gonna know "oh yeah op and their partner of two months went there too on the same week".	yta but not so much of an asshole as a copycat! or unoriginal. come up with your own ideas next time.	i almost what to say this is a shp, but if not, yta. this is the equivalent of proposing to your so at your sibling's wedding without telling your sibling. "i wouldn't have mind, so why should they?" also, in a similar vein, your friend was sharing a bit of her life with you and you were like hmm....that sounds so great! let me hijack it from you. i'm sure she'll hesitate to share things with you again after this.	nah but it was thoughtless and inconsiderate. i wouldn’t say you’re an asshole for it though.	yta - you literally could have picked anywhere else or asked first if they cared if you made your own separate plans to the same destination for that weekend before you booked. tested the waters. on some level you must have know going to the same place on the same weekend could bring the possibility that you might bump into them there and wouldn't that conversation have been weird on vacation? i'm sure you caught them off guard when you announced you were taking their same trip they were, without talking to them about it first. calling you an asshole is strong, but you definitely made it weird. that said their reaction was pretty over the top. after that, knowing that they weren't keen on bumping into you and that they wanted to truly get away, you could have considered rescheduling.	info: did you know the weekend you'd booked to go away was the same weekend as your friend before you confirmed the booking? &#x200b; if not - then nta but still a bit crappy you can't think of your own trip for your partner and have to copy your friend's idea. &#x200b; if yes - yta. you knew they were going away for a special occasion and didn't even bother to check with them which is common courtesy. i love my friends, but my partner has to share me with them a lot, so a dedicated weekend of us time is really important now and then. &#x200b; " we spent the entire weekend on edge, worried we'd bump into them, and frankly it ended up spoiling our trip since we were so anxious about it " &#x200b; \- that's exactly how you made them feel, and they booked it first. &#x200b; &#x200b;	yta	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	YTA	INFO	YTA	0.032022	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i've recently started dating someone (though we've been friends for a long time) and we decided to take a weekend mini-break, but were having trouble picking where to go. i was having drinks with a friend of mine, and she mentioned that she and her boyfriend were spending their 10 year anniversary in a small town/village, around an hour outside of london. it sounded like the perfect destination, as neither my partner nor i had been before and it was very convenient to get to. by coincidence, the weekend we'd chosen to go away was the same as my friend's anniversary trip. my partner asked if i thought they might have a problem with us going to the same town on the same weekend as them. i said it wouldn't have bothered me in the reverse situation, and i doubted they'd care either. yes, it's a small town, but we weren't booking the same hotel or anything. i doubted we'd bump into each other. we booked the trip and i mentioned it the next time i saw my friend. she froze, went very quiet, and became awkward for the rest of the evening. that night, i received a long, angry, text from her (usually, very placid) boyfriend. he said he couldn't understand why i'd chosen to book the same holiday as them, and that i had in effect ruined their anniversary. he also claimed that they when i'd mentioned i was looking for a place to go, they specifically asked me to chose somewhere else, though i honestly have no recollection of this. i think they were mainly upset that i'd decided to take someone i've been dating for two months on the same trip they'd planned for a significant anniversary. i called to apologise, and he did accept, though he also insisted on providing me with an itinerary of the restaurants they'd booked over the weekend so we could make sure we'd avoid being in the same place at the same time as them. &#x200b; we spent the entire weekend on edge, worried we'd bump into them, and frankly it ended up spoiling our trip since we were so anxious about it. aita for booking the same holiday as my friend's anniversary?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i've recently started dating someone (though we've been friends for a long time) and we decided to take a weekend mini-break, but were having trouble picking where to go. i was having drinks with a friend of mine, and she mentioned that she and her boyfriend were spending their 10 year anniversary in a small town/village, around an hour outside of london. it sounded like the perfect destination, as neither my partner nor i had been before and it was very convenient to get to. by coincidence, the weekend we'd chosen to go away was the same as my friend's anniversary trip. my partner asked if i thought they might have a problem with us going to the same town on the same weekend as them. i said it wouldn't have bothered me in the reverse situation, and i doubted they'd care either. yes, it's a small town, but we weren't booking the same hotel or anything. i doubted we'd bump into each other. we booked the trip and i mentioned it the next time i saw my friend. she froze, went very quiet, and became awkward for the rest of the evening. that night, i received a long, angry, text from her (usually, very placid) boyfriend. he said he couldn't understand why i'd chosen to book the same holiday as them, and that i had in effect ruined their anniversary. he also claimed that they when i'd mentioned i was looking for a place to go, they specifically asked me to chose somewhere else, though i honestly have no recollection of this. i think they were mainly upset that i'd decided to take someone i've been dating for two months on the same trip they'd planned for a significant anniversary. i called to apologise, and he did accept, though he also insisted on providing me with an itinerary of the restaurants they'd booked over the weekend so we could make sure we'd avoid being in the same place at the same time as them. &#x200b; we spent the entire weekend on edge, worried we'd bump into them, and frankly it ended up spoiling our trip since we were so anxious about it. aita for booking the same holiday as my friend's anniversary? [/INST] yta. it sounds to me like they wanted time away from everything, including their friends. sometimes it's nice to get away and not have to worry about bumping into someone you know, and just have time alone with their so. this easily could have been avoided if you had cared enough to ask what weekend they were going, and planned for a different time. </s>
AITA for deciding to fuck it and give up on my dinner?	i wanted to get myself some sausages, but since i wouldn't be able to eat a whole pack i asked if anybody wanted some - i would have two to spare. out of four people, only one decided that it would be a shame to leave those two, so i made all six. now, when i made them, suddenly one person wanted three, second wanted one and a half, the original one didn't want any. at that point i said fuck it and didn't pick any, since i wouldn't be able to get full with the remaining 1.5 sausages. suddenly, i'm the bad one because i made food i didn't want to eat, so now the person who wanted to eat originally has to finish the remaining pieces even though they're not hungry. am i the asshole for deciding to fuck this shit and not eating any?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jqi159/aita_for_deciding_to_fuck_it_and_give_up_on_my/	2020-11-08 19:42:31	yta eat your portion first- don’t be a whiny martyr	why did you let them eat the sausages you wanted? there were two left, they could divide them among themselves. you pulled quite a whiny strop there. yta	yta. you threw what my mother would have called a hissy fit, because someone else wanted a sausage? you could have just said “no, i’ve only got two extra”. you could have eaten fewer and still enjoyed yourself too. you don’t have to be “full” every time you eat. also what is the logic behind “if i can’t have all then i want none”?	esh - you should’ve told them it was too late, they were already claimed. but why do they have to eat the last ones? can’t it just be left over? why can’t you just eat 1.5 sausages? and make yourself something else on the side? don’t be a baby	yta. you should have just said that the spare sausages were taken. you've somehow tried to make yourself the victim here when you could have just said no.	info: it just seems like this could have easily been avoided. why didn’t you just eat what you wanted to save the rest/ offer the rest? why did you agree to let someone else eat your portion?	yta subtract the ones you want to eat from the total. "there are x many sausages left. who wants some of them? you can sort out the split between yourselves. "	yta - what even was the issue. stroll in with your 4 tasty sausages, and just say - the other 2 are in the kitched, go nuts. end of story. it never even had to be a thing	yta for being petty. you should have eaten the remaining 1.5 sausages and fixed yourself something else later.	will someone get this man down from the cross?	YTA	YTA	YTA	ESH	YTA	INFO	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	0.009259	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i wanted to get myself some sausages, but since i wouldn't be able to eat a whole pack i asked if anybody wanted some - i would have two to spare. out of four people, only one decided that it would be a shame to leave those two, so i made all six. now, when i made them, suddenly one person wanted three, second wanted one and a half, the original one didn't want any. at that point i said fuck it and didn't pick any, since i wouldn't be able to get full with the remaining 1.5 sausages. suddenly, i'm the bad one because i made food i didn't want to eat, so now the person who wanted to eat originally has to finish the remaining pieces even though they're not hungry. am i the asshole for deciding to fuck this shit and not eating any?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i wanted to get myself some sausages, but since i wouldn't be able to eat a whole pack i asked if anybody wanted some - i would have two to spare. out of four people, only one decided that it would be a shame to leave those two, so i made all six. now, when i made them, suddenly one person wanted three, second wanted one and a half, the original one didn't want any. at that point i said fuck it and didn't pick any, since i wouldn't be able to get full with the remaining 1.5 sausages. suddenly, i'm the bad one because i made food i didn't want to eat, so now the person who wanted to eat originally has to finish the remaining pieces even though they're not hungry. am i the asshole for deciding to fuck this shit and not eating any? [/INST] yta eat your portion first- don’t be a whiny martyr </s>
WIBTA if I give bad feedback on an ex-employee's security clearance?	i manage a group that does shift work 24/7. positions are salaried with pto. an employee, mark, was excelling: he put in time outside the clock on extra projects, mentored team members, etc. though young, i promoted him to a senior role with the plan that i'd bring in someone experienced tod mentor him. mark could come to me with his questions in the meanwhile. i brought in others to mentor him, but they were disasters, and both got fired in under 90days. mark was left working as the only senior. mark struggled to perform in the new role: he repeatedly ignored project deadlines, didn't show up to client engagements he was leading, wouldn’t answer messages if he was off shift, would have shouting matches with the asst. team lead in front of the team, and complained people were deliberately cutting him out. i took his complaints seriously and investigated each one - always someone had attempted to contact him first before proceeding to the next person. he sent me emails complaining he was overworked and, where i could, i moved work to others – sometimes even giving his work to people whom it didn't belong. moving work off him had no performance impact. one day mark said he wanted to work remotely out of state so his wife could get her master’s. we came to the compromise that if he wanted to move out of state (to a state with a significantly cheaper cost of living), we would let him but he would give up the role of senior and step down $10k/year (still $10k/year more than what he'd been making previously). he agreed and took the remote position. his performance got even worse - even the most junior were outperforming his metrics. all his work outside of normal duties halted and his answer was 'not my problem, i'm off shift in 15 minutes' (paraphrasing). realizing his performance wouldn’t improve, i worked to try and transfer him to a team with work he would find more interesting. mark jumped at this and began interviewing for the other team. abruptly mark put in "two-week notice" (it takes a month to get a new hire up to speed). he changed that to a week notice and said he would not be working one of the days of that week because he put in an extra day last week - that extra day was a travel day to come back in state for our team bonding event, which we paid for. when he left, he was -30 pto because we forwarded him time off for family issues he was allegedly having. i was told by others who are friends with him, that the time off and the moving for his wife's degree were so he could interview for the new job. he returned his corporate laptop with the operating system and all files and software wiped, against corporate policy, and he kept the laptop charger. his new job requires a security clearance and as part of that they conduct a survey of his previous work. wibta if i disclose all this knowing it could slow his process/result in denial, or should i let it go?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2zzke/wibta_if_i_give_bad_feedback_on_an_exemployees/	2019-09-12 00:42:06	nta as long as you're keeping it totally factual. that having been said, you better be 100% solid about what information you're providing, and have everything documented somewhere to back it up. there's a reason why most companies nowadays keep reference information to a bare minimum ("mr. x worked with us from x-date to y-date"). it's to avoid the risk of being sued for providing a poor reference. are you sure you can't pawn this off to hr?	nah. this reads a lot like mark got screwed over by a lack of peers and then he completely burned out. he went six months(?) without a mentor; you should not be surprised he didn't make it. i would be surprised if he had. i feel like you really failed to nurture this kid because the two mentors you brought in were knuckleheads. that's not his fault. yes, mark could have made more effort, but after being overwhelmed, undersupported, demoted, and with a pay cut, he probably wasn't very interested in working with your company anymore. i understand it wasn't your fault, but to me your company failed this kid. you burned bridges with him.	esh- as another commenter suggested, it seems like you misjudged mark. you promoted him to a role he was not ready for without any mentorship/guidance (though you tried, it wasn’t his fault the hires were bad either). you said so yourself— he stopped doing work outside of his normal duties. not that he stopped doing his normal duties. that doesn’t make him the asshole. just also doesn’t make him the star employee. the pto thing was definitely an ah move on his part and the way he left wasn’t typically that professional either. so yeah, i see some wrong on both sides. however— i strongly advise you to follow the mentality “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. from my (extremely limited perspective), he doesn’t seem to pose a security threat that’s worth you reporting to his new employer and risk getting sued over.	nah. he can read everything you say per the privacy act. might want to be able to prove whatever you say- people sue over denied security clearances. send to hr or refuse to comment.	yta - this dose not sound like a reportable offense or mark against “record” clearance wise and you are being petty. you obviously misjudged him and that’s your bad. maybe you should reevaluate how you determine who makes a good leader.	yta - you had a difference of opinion on work life boundaries, he was difficult to work with in his role, and he is taking steps to move into a better position for him. it’s a win win if you help him move on, you literally lose nothing, and he has an opportunity to grow. i didn’t see anything in your post that would warrant messing up his future - and if you embellish you could find yourself with a libel suit. let him go, try to be unbiased, if you have nothing good to say just say nothing - he worked here from x to x, that’s it.	yta- the reason evertthing went to pot was bc you failed him in the first place. be factual and stop being so petty that someone left bc you screwed them over after they accepted more responsibility.	yta. from your story, it seems clear that the guy had a burnout. there's something i don't undestand (but i live in a different country where some things are taken differently): you say that "\[he\] wouldn’t answer messages if he was off shift". where i live, once you're off shift, you're not payed to work. he is not your slave, he should be praised of course if he does more than he is asked, but if he does only what he is payed for, are you sure this is something you should bother with? he may have been a little unprofessional at the end, yeah, but to me nothing he did seem to be his fault. more a consequence.	null	null	NTA	NAH	ESH	NAH	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	null	0.372498	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i manage a group that does shift work 24/7. positions are salaried with pto. an employee, mark, was excelling: he put in time outside the clock on extra projects, mentored team members, etc. though young, i promoted him to a senior role with the plan that i'd bring in someone experienced tod mentor him. mark could come to me with his questions in the meanwhile. i brought in others to mentor him, but they were disasters, and both got fired in under 90days. mark was left working as the only senior. mark struggled to perform in the new role: he repeatedly ignored project deadlines, didn't show up to client engagements he was leading, wouldn’t answer messages if he was off shift, would have shouting matches with the asst. team lead in front of the team, and complained people were deliberately cutting him out. i took his complaints seriously and investigated each one - always someone had attempted to contact him first before proceeding to the next person. he sent me emails complaining he was overworked and, where i could, i moved work to others – sometimes even giving his work to people whom it didn't belong. moving work off him had no performance impact. one day mark said he wanted to work remotely out of state so his wife could get her master’s. we came to the compromise that if he wanted to move out of state (to a state with a significantly cheaper cost of living), we would let him but he would give up the role of senior and step down $10k/year (still $10k/year more than what he'd been making previously). he agreed and took the remote position. his performance got even worse - even the most junior were outperforming his metrics. all his work outside of normal duties halted and his answer was 'not my problem, i'm off shift in 15 minutes' (paraphrasing). realizing his performance wouldn’t improve, i worked to try and transfer him to a team with work he would find more interesting. mark jumped at this and began interviewing for the other team. abruptly mark put in "two-week notice" (it takes a month to get a new hire up to speed). he changed that to a week notice and said he would not be working one of the days of that week because he put in an extra day last week - that extra day was a travel day to come back in state for our team bonding event, which we paid for. when he left, he was -30 pto because we forwarded him time off for family issues he was allegedly having. i was told by others who are friends with him, that the time off and the moving for his wife's degree were so he could interview for the new job. he returned his corporate laptop with the operating system and all files and software wiped, against corporate policy, and he kept the laptop charger. his new job requires a security clearance and as part of that they conduct a survey of his previous work. wibta if i disclose all this knowing it could slow his process/result in denial, or should i let it go?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i manage a group that does shift work 24/7. positions are salaried with pto. an employee, mark, was excelling: he put in time outside the clock on extra projects, mentored team members, etc. though young, i promoted him to a senior role with the plan that i'd bring in someone experienced tod mentor him. mark could come to me with his questions in the meanwhile. i brought in others to mentor him, but they were disasters, and both got fired in under 90days. mark was left working as the only senior. mark struggled to perform in the new role: he repeatedly ignored project deadlines, didn't show up to client engagements he was leading, wouldn’t answer messages if he was off shift, would have shouting matches with the asst. team lead in front of the team, and complained people were deliberately cutting him out. i took his complaints seriously and investigated each one - always someone had attempted to contact him first before proceeding to the next person. he sent me emails complaining he was overworked and, where i could, i moved work to others – sometimes even giving his work to people whom it didn't belong. moving work off him had no performance impact. one day mark said he wanted to work remotely out of state so his wife could get her master’s. we came to the compromise that if he wanted to move out of state (to a state with a significantly cheaper cost of living), we would let him but he would give up the role of senior and step down $10k/year (still $10k/year more than what he'd been making previously). he agreed and took the remote position. his performance got even worse - even the most junior were outperforming his metrics. all his work outside of normal duties halted and his answer was 'not my problem, i'm off shift in 15 minutes' (paraphrasing). realizing his performance wouldn’t improve, i worked to try and transfer him to a team with work he would find more interesting. mark jumped at this and began interviewing for the other team. abruptly mark put in "two-week notice" (it takes a month to get a new hire up to speed). he changed that to a week notice and said he would not be working one of the days of that week because he put in an extra day last week - that extra day was a travel day to come back in state for our team bonding event, which we paid for. when he left, he was -30 pto because we forwarded him time off for family issues he was allegedly having. i was told by others who are friends with him, that the time off and the moving for his wife's degree were so he could interview for the new job. he returned his corporate laptop with the operating system and all files and software wiped, against corporate policy, and he kept the laptop charger. his new job requires a security clearance and as part of that they conduct a survey of his previous work. wibta if i disclose all this knowing it could slow his process/result in denial, or should i let it go? [/INST] nta as long as you're keeping it totally factual. that having been said, you better be 100% solid about what information you're providing, and have everything documented somewhere to back it up. there's a reason why most companies nowadays keep reference information to a bare minimum ("mr. x worked with us from x-date to y-date"). it's to avoid the risk of being sued for providing a poor reference. are you sure you can't pawn this off to hr? </s>
AITA for thinking my future in law’s newly appointed rules are bs? Living in her home rent free	i’m trying to be as unbiased as possible. i recently started living with my girlfriend and her mother, things were going well up until recently. before my arrival, we agreed upon me doing all dishes in the house and cooking food for everyone, which i fully abide by. she pulled my girlfriend aside and told her she felt i wasn’t doing “enough” and that i should clean the entire kitchen and dining room, and that she doesn’t want my girlfriend to help me enough to where it’s an inconvenience to her. there has been a slightly cluttered mess in both rooms that inhibits my ability to cook and clean, but it has existed since before my arrival. i was very annoyed with the fact that my girlfriend’s mother not only doesn’t seem to recognize the work it takes to hand wash their many dishes in the small space i am provided, let alone trying to cook. but also the fact she didn’t bother trying to bring it up with me, and explicitly didn’t want me around for the conversation. tldr am i the asshole for not wanting to clean a mess i didn’t make?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nr1o0a/aita_for_thinking_my_future_in_laws_newly/	2021-06-03 01:28:43	nta - seriously!! cook food for everyone and do all the dishes? all the time? and then she wants you to tidy up after everyone too? you’re not a maid. if i was you i’d pay rent instead and tell her to get a cleaner with it.	what is your gf doing at home? and what about your mother in law? are you both working? i’m sorry i just want a little more context on this (no offense).	it does not sound like this is going to work for you, you had an agreement, cooking for everyone and doing the dishes, you must be making it look a lot easier than it sounds, cause that alone is a full time job. i’m assuming you’re planning the meals and shopping too? nta. i think it’s time to find another space to live.	info: are you actually engaged or is future mother in law used to mean girlfriends mom? who pays for the home, utilities, etc? you say it's not you, but does your girlfriend contribute? do all three of you work? why are you there instead of getting a place with your girlfriend?	nta. even if you're living there, it isn't your home or your belongings. how are you supposed to clean up clutter if you don't know where it goes? maybe when you are all home and have free time, you could suggest helping to put the things in their place so you don't have to contend with it later.	nta. it sounds like your mil is taking advantage of the free help you're providing and has gone behind your back to push your girlfriend into having a very uncomfortable conversation with you instead of doing it herself. i think you should sit down with both of them and discuss the issues that have arisen and try to reach a fair compromise.	nah. you should get your own place if you don't agree with the rules. seems like it's the least you can do if you're truly living there rent free	nta. the mother better watch out what she is asking. because if anyone laid that shit on me after agreeing beforehand on what my responsibilities were, they would find all that clutter in the trash as my way of cleaning. i wouldn't mind getting the kitchen cleaned and decluttered (nice way of saying the trash will be really full by the time i was done) to have more room and arranged how i wanted it to be. but still, she was rude to not direct it to you and to explicitly state that gf couldn't help in order for it to be 'enough' to mother's satisfaction. free rent is not enough incentive to make that a long term arrangement.	null	null	NTA	null	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	null	null	0.016724	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m trying to be as unbiased as possible. i recently started living with my girlfriend and her mother, things were going well up until recently. before my arrival, we agreed upon me doing all dishes in the house and cooking food for everyone, which i fully abide by. she pulled my girlfriend aside and told her she felt i wasn’t doing “enough” and that i should clean the entire kitchen and dining room, and that she doesn’t want my girlfriend to help me enough to where it’s an inconvenience to her. there has been a slightly cluttered mess in both rooms that inhibits my ability to cook and clean, but it has existed since before my arrival. i was very annoyed with the fact that my girlfriend’s mother not only doesn’t seem to recognize the work it takes to hand wash their many dishes in the small space i am provided, let alone trying to cook. but also the fact she didn’t bother trying to bring it up with me, and explicitly didn’t want me around for the conversation. tldr am i the asshole for not wanting to clean a mess i didn’t make?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i’m trying to be as unbiased as possible. i recently started living with my girlfriend and her mother, things were going well up until recently. before my arrival, we agreed upon me doing all dishes in the house and cooking food for everyone, which i fully abide by. she pulled my girlfriend aside and told her she felt i wasn’t doing “enough” and that i should clean the entire kitchen and dining room, and that she doesn’t want my girlfriend to help me enough to where it’s an inconvenience to her. there has been a slightly cluttered mess in both rooms that inhibits my ability to cook and clean, but it has existed since before my arrival. i was very annoyed with the fact that my girlfriend’s mother not only doesn’t seem to recognize the work it takes to hand wash their many dishes in the small space i am provided, let alone trying to cook. but also the fact she didn’t bother trying to bring it up with me, and explicitly didn’t want me around for the conversation. tldr am i the asshole for not wanting to clean a mess i didn’t make? [/INST] nta - seriously!! cook food for everyone and do all the dishes? all the time? and then she wants you to tidy up after everyone too? you’re not a maid. if i was you i’d pay rent instead and tell her to get a cleaner with it. </s>
AITA for letting my best-friend’s boyfriend have access to my private Snapchat?	i have a private snapchat that i charge for access to. i try to be artistic about it, i have regular customers, it works well for me. do not inbox me about it. i don’t talk much with others about this side of my life, but my friends are aware that i do it. my best-friend megan has been dating charlie for a little over six months. we’ve all hung out together, we’re all cool. well, earlier this week, i was managing new subscriptions, and i got a venmo payment from a number in my contacts, as you probably already guessed, it was charlie. charlie didn’t seem to remember that i had his phone number from times megan called me using his phone. he had a weird user name and no picture. i shrugged it off, and let him have access. he only paid for three days, i’m in no position to turn down money. i tried to call megan later that day, but i couldn’t get a hold of her. when i talked to her the following day, i told her what happened. she didn’t believe me, so i sent her relevant screen shots. i even sent her screenshots of the snapchat he’s using, showing that he viewed the story from that evening prior. that’s when her anger turned to me. she’s all “how could you give him the snapchat??” and “what the fuck is wrong with me?” and all this. i informed her that he’s a paying customer, and that i technically didn’t have to and shouldn’t have told her about this in the first place. he paid for three days of access and i let him have it. he could just as easily see millions of other women naked online. we started yelling at each other, and ended up hanging up the phone. it’s the end of the week and i still haven’t spoken to her. she is refusing contact with me if i don’t apologize to her first. i just do not think that i’m “wrong” in this scenario, and that i shouldn’t have to apologize before talking it out. i don’t see how i’m wrong for giving him something that he paid for. aita for giving him access to the snapchat account?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g39105/aita_for_letting_my_bestfriends_boyfriend_have/	2020-04-17 19:44:55	yta. taking the money but still telling her makes you ta in my opinion. don’t act all houlier than thou but still take the money.	i’m gonna say yta. it’s one thing if you didn’t know it was him, or a friend you’re not particularly close with, but that’s your (supposed) best friend. you love this girl enough to call her your bestie but not enough to tell her that her boyfriend reached out to you to buy your nudes? and then, once you collected your “check”, ya then rubbed it in her face? was the few bucks you made off that worth it? i feel for your poor friend	yta. don’t play stupid. friends come before horny skeeves on snapchat.	yta. the fact that you don’t see anything wrong with what you did is concerning. megan deserves a better best friend than you.	yta if it were purely "business" you shouldn't have told her all together. your logic doesn't make sense. what kind of reaction were you really expecting from her?	yta, yes. technically he is a paying customer but if you value your friendship with megan you wouldn't have given charlie access to naked pictures of you and would have told her immediately and sent him back his money. you should apologize or don't and just accept never speaking to megan again. but also think of this from megan's perspective: "my boyfriend spent money to see my friend's naked pictures but, she didn't tell me until after she took his money and gave him access to them." sounds awful. hopefully megan dumped him and i hope whatever you decide to do, apologize or move on works out for you	yta. there were two options here: 1. you should have rejected him and not told her 2. you could have accepted him and not told her. also, "artistic" lol stop lying to yourself about it. you post nude shit to get money from guys who want to spank it. pretending it's art is embarrassing.	yta. you don’t send nudes to your best friend’s boyfriend. come on.	yta, dont sell your nudes to your friends partners	yta. this could potentially have been okay but you weren’t being considerate of your friend and how she’d feel. i’d feel hurt. you prioritized a small amount of money above your friendship.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have a private snapchat that i charge for access to. i try to be artistic about it, i have regular customers, it works well for me. do not inbox me about it. i don’t talk much with others about this side of my life, but my friends are aware that i do it. my best-friend megan has been dating charlie for a little over six months. we’ve all hung out together, we’re all cool. well, earlier this week, i was managing new subscriptions, and i got a venmo payment from a number in my contacts, as you probably already guessed, it was charlie. charlie didn’t seem to remember that i had his phone number from times megan called me using his phone. he had a weird user name and no picture. i shrugged it off, and let him have access. he only paid for three days, i’m in no position to turn down money. i tried to call megan later that day, but i couldn’t get a hold of her. when i talked to her the following day, i told her what happened. she didn’t believe me, so i sent her relevant screen shots. i even sent her screenshots of the snapchat he’s using, showing that he viewed the story from that evening prior. that’s when her anger turned to me. she’s all “how could you give him the snapchat??” and “what the fuck is wrong with me?” and all this. i informed her that he’s a paying customer, and that i technically didn’t have to and shouldn’t have told her about this in the first place. he paid for three days of access and i let him have it. he could just as easily see millions of other women naked online. we started yelling at each other, and ended up hanging up the phone. it’s the end of the week and i still haven’t spoken to her. she is refusing contact with me if i don’t apologize to her first. i just do not think that i’m “wrong” in this scenario, and that i shouldn’t have to apologize before talking it out. i don’t see how i’m wrong for giving him something that he paid for. aita for giving him access to the snapchat account?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i have a private snapchat that i charge for access to. i try to be artistic about it, i have regular customers, it works well for me. do not inbox me about it. i don’t talk much with others about this side of my life, but my friends are aware that i do it. my best-friend megan has been dating charlie for a little over six months. we’ve all hung out together, we’re all cool. well, earlier this week, i was managing new subscriptions, and i got a venmo payment from a number in my contacts, as you probably already guessed, it was charlie. charlie didn’t seem to remember that i had his phone number from times megan called me using his phone. he had a weird user name and no picture. i shrugged it off, and let him have access. he only paid for three days, i’m in no position to turn down money. i tried to call megan later that day, but i couldn’t get a hold of her. when i talked to her the following day, i told her what happened. she didn’t believe me, so i sent her relevant screen shots. i even sent her screenshots of the snapchat he’s using, showing that he viewed the story from that evening prior. that’s when her anger turned to me. she’s all “how could you give him the snapchat??” and “what the fuck is wrong with me?” and all this. i informed her that he’s a paying customer, and that i technically didn’t have to and shouldn’t have told her about this in the first place. he paid for three days of access and i let him have it. he could just as easily see millions of other women naked online. we started yelling at each other, and ended up hanging up the phone. it’s the end of the week and i still haven’t spoken to her. she is refusing contact with me if i don’t apologize to her first. i just do not think that i’m “wrong” in this scenario, and that i shouldn’t have to apologize before talking it out. i don’t see how i’m wrong for giving him something that he paid for. aita for giving him access to the snapchat account? [/INST] yta. taking the money but still telling her makes you ta in my opinion. don’t act all houlier than thou but still take the money. </s>
AITA for not letting my girlfriend use my car to work	my girlfriend, julie (25f) and i (24f) have know each other since high school, but we only started dating about three years ago. julie, lost her job last year as the world went to hell. after a few months of not being able to find a job we decided that we would move in together . at first she would assist with bills and half the utilities by paying from her savings, but as time went and her saving dwindled we agreed that she would pay less and less. at this point she pays for half the groceries, and help by doing increased chores as in cleaning and making dinner and general home maintenance. all the while she has been applying for every open position in her field, but no one is hiring. a total of six job openings have been posted in last year and half and unfortunately she got none of them. julie did manage to get a job at a call centre doing cold calls selling power contracts and she kept that for a few months. but the pay was commission only and she hated it. point i’m making is she has had shit luck and in no way is she being “a slob” i love cars and everything, and in march of this year i finally managed to purchase my dream car a tesla model 3, i’ve been saving since i got a job at 18 and finally i managed to achieve it, i am so proud. this to me is more than just a car i’ve spent countless hours putting upgrades and details on it, it’s my hobby and my stress relief. julie doesn’t care about cars at all, to her it’s just something to get her from “a” to “b” and since i let her use mine whenever she needs she never bothered with getting one of her own. a week ago she finally got an offer at a company within her field and is elated, only problem is it’s about an hour and a half/two hours commute each way. julie obviously needs some form of transportation and wants to use my car, i said no. with it being that far away i would never get to use it. i offered to drive her to work so she wouldn’t have to get up too early and get her a train subscription for the return which she agreed to. this weekend i was talking to my mom about it and she lost her mind. she got so mad and called me selfish saying it’s just a car l, and since i work from home i don’t need it. it became a whole thing. i pointed out that i do work from home, but i work evenings (15-22) and need to do my errands during the day. mom called me unsupportive and said she’s never been this disappointed in me before. today (monday) my mom showed up at our door and brought julie with her to a dealership. my mom bought her a car and told her it was her to use for commute as long as julie needs it. when they came back my mom wouldn’t even look at me. (info, julie lost her parents in a car accident sophomore year of hs, my mom has been way overprotective of her ever since, when we started dating she was ecstatic)	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pew3b6/aita_for_not_letting_my_girlfriend_use_my_car_to/	2021-08-31 01:40:49	nta. it sounds like you and julie came to a reasonable agreement and she had no issues with it. weird that your mom freaked out, but also very nice of her to buy your girlfriend a car.	nta > only problem is it’s about an hour and a half/two hours commute each way but come on, that's preposterous. that's no more a realistic option than "get a job as an astronaut."	nta you and your girlfriend already had this worked out. your mom then butted into your adult relationship to fix a problem that was not really a problem. that's bananas, and you should set some boundaries with her.	nta. it's a lot of miles on a new car, also don't you need it for work?	nah. i think to a person who doesn’t love cars, your unwillingness to let julie use your car could come off as callous. however, i think your alternative plan was a fair and supportive compromise. but i have to say that the standout in this story is your mom. she is an absolute rockstar. both you and julie are incredibly fortunate to have such an awesome and supportive person in your lives.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	null	null	null	null	null	0.002	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my girlfriend, julie (25f) and i (24f) have know each other since high school, but we only started dating about three years ago. julie, lost her job last year as the world went to hell. after a few months of not being able to find a job we decided that we would move in together . at first she would assist with bills and half the utilities by paying from her savings, but as time went and her saving dwindled we agreed that she would pay less and less. at this point she pays for half the groceries, and help by doing increased chores as in cleaning and making dinner and general home maintenance. all the while she has been applying for every open position in her field, but no one is hiring. a total of six job openings have been posted in last year and half and unfortunately she got none of them. julie did manage to get a job at a call centre doing cold calls selling power contracts and she kept that for a few months. but the pay was commission only and she hated it. point i’m making is she has had shit luck and in no way is she being “a slob” i love cars and everything, and in march of this year i finally managed to purchase my dream car a tesla model 3, i’ve been saving since i got a job at 18 and finally i managed to achieve it, i am so proud. this to me is more than just a car i’ve spent countless hours putting upgrades and details on it, it’s my hobby and my stress relief. julie doesn’t care about cars at all, to her it’s just something to get her from “a” to “b” and since i let her use mine whenever she needs she never bothered with getting one of her own. a week ago she finally got an offer at a company within her field and is elated, only problem is it’s about an hour and a half/two hours commute each way. julie obviously needs some form of transportation and wants to use my car, i said no. with it being that far away i would never get to use it. i offered to drive her to work so she wouldn’t have to get up too early and get her a train subscription for the return which she agreed to. this weekend i was talking to my mom about it and she lost her mind. she got so mad and called me selfish saying it’s just a car l, and since i work from home i don’t need it. it became a whole thing. i pointed out that i do work from home, but i work evenings (15-22) and need to do my errands during the day. mom called me unsupportive and said she’s never been this disappointed in me before. today (monday) my mom showed up at our door and brought julie with her to a dealership. my mom bought her a car and told her it was her to use for commute as long as julie needs it. when they came back my mom wouldn’t even look at me. (info, julie lost her parents in a car accident sophomore year of hs, my mom has been way overprotective of her ever since, when we started dating she was ecstatic)	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my girlfriend, julie (25f) and i (24f) have know each other since high school, but we only started dating about three years ago. julie, lost her job last year as the world went to hell. after a few months of not being able to find a job we decided that we would move in together . at first she would assist with bills and half the utilities by paying from her savings, but as time went and her saving dwindled we agreed that she would pay less and less. at this point she pays for half the groceries, and help by doing increased chores as in cleaning and making dinner and general home maintenance. all the while she has been applying for every open position in her field, but no one is hiring. a total of six job openings have been posted in last year and half and unfortunately she got none of them. julie did manage to get a job at a call centre doing cold calls selling power contracts and she kept that for a few months. but the pay was commission only and she hated it. point i’m making is she has had shit luck and in no way is she being “a slob” i love cars and everything, and in march of this year i finally managed to purchase my dream car a tesla model 3, i’ve been saving since i got a job at 18 and finally i managed to achieve it, i am so proud. this to me is more than just a car i’ve spent countless hours putting upgrades and details on it, it’s my hobby and my stress relief. julie doesn’t care about cars at all, to her it’s just something to get her from “a” to “b” and since i let her use mine whenever she needs she never bothered with getting one of her own. a week ago she finally got an offer at a company within her field and is elated, only problem is it’s about an hour and a half/two hours commute each way. julie obviously needs some form of transportation and wants to use my car, i said no. with it being that far away i would never get to use it. i offered to drive her to work so she wouldn’t have to get up too early and get her a train subscription for the return which she agreed to. this weekend i was talking to my mom about it and she lost her mind. she got so mad and called me selfish saying it’s just a car l, and since i work from home i don’t need it. it became a whole thing. i pointed out that i do work from home, but i work evenings (15-22) and need to do my errands during the day. mom called me unsupportive and said she’s never been this disappointed in me before. today (monday) my mom showed up at our door and brought julie with her to a dealership. my mom bought her a car and told her it was her to use for commute as long as julie needs it. when they came back my mom wouldn’t even look at me. (info, julie lost her parents in a car accident sophomore year of hs, my mom has been way overprotective of her ever since, when we started dating she was ecstatic) [/INST] nta. it sounds like you and julie came to a reasonable agreement and she had no issues with it. weird that your mom freaked out, but also very nice of her to buy your girlfriend a car. </s>
AITA - For telling my brother (22M) his dog is "not my problem"?	we have had many fights about his dog and me not wanting to take his dog potty while he's out at work or just out away in general. i have told him multiple times, "that's not my problem" or "that sounds like a personal problem" or "well, he's not my dog" whenever he makes any sort of comment saying that he wants someone else in our house to take care of the his dog. the most recent one was when he texted everyone: "can you take him out potty once an hour" or "if you're unsure when was the last time he went potty or if i left the house, just text me" why should i be the one to ask my brother if he has left or when the last time the dog went potty? my brother should be the one to give us the headsup that he left or when the last time he went potty if he's left the house since it's his dog. i initially agreed but my actions have always proved otherwise. i never take him potty or clean up after him i just make my sister or brother do it when they come home. my guesses are that my brother thinks its dismissive what i say, or maybe he's mad that i play with his dog but don't want to deal with any of the dirty work. idk but if i had a dog, i wouldn't expect anything from anyone. plus even if what i said is dismissive, there is truth in what i said that its really not my problems to worry about.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mw5ohb/aita_for_telling_my_brother_22m_his_dog_is_not_my/	2021-04-22 14:14:03	yta. i was on your side until i got to this: "i initially agreed but my actions have always proved otherwise. i never take him potty or clean up after him i just make my sister or brother do it when they come home." i mean you pretty much confess to being irresponsible and deceitful right there. it became your problem when you agreed to take care of it.	" i initially agreed" well, that was easy. yta	yta. you probably know you are. you agreed to help but you don't.	not your dog not your problem? then stop playing with it. are you that busy all day that you can't find 30 minutes to walk the dog? yta and lazy af.	yta for this line alone: >i initially agreed but my actions have always proved otherwise. translation: "i agreed but never actually intended to follow through, and people should realize that i'm a liar and just accept it." no. you agreed to something, so do what you agreed to do.	yta - you're potentially causing damage to the dog long term because you only care about the animal when it's fun and you can play with it.	i was keyed up for nta, until "i initially agreed". that negates it, you are ta	dude tbh yta... but so is your brother. that dog did not ask to be there. yes, that’s why your brother is a major ah for not understanding the realities of having a dog. they’re not just some fun hobby or toy you get to have when you’re bored, it’s a commitment. a commitment that i’m not sure your brother has, given the information you’ve provided. but you’re the ah because you’re forgetting that this is a living breathing animal that needs to be taken care of that’s being neglected. i get that you don’t want to care for the dog, but the dog is being treated like it doesn’t exist when you’re around even when it didn’t exactly ask to be there. the dog is stuck in a shit situation (again, from what i’ve gathered here) and you’re not exactly elated that it exists. so i think you have no choice but to bond with the dog and have a serious conversation with your brother that he’s not being responsible at all and shouldn’t have a dog in the first place if he can’t care for it properly. why does he even have a dog if he’s always away and asking you to do things for it? also why is the dog not trained? is he neglecting the dog that badly? i genuinely genuinely understand your struggle. my sister has two dogs in our house and she rarely does anything for them so my parents and brother do the work (i love 8 hours away so i can’t exactly do much)	yta you agreed and then just didn't do it. also if you are home alone it's not that much work to open a door and let the dog use the restroom. on top of all that you are making a living creature suffer just because you are lazy. it may not be your problem, but you already said yes, and the animal shouldn't have to be so uncomfortable they are used to make a mess (and then it's disgusting you leave said mess exposed in your home) when the animal knows it should go outside	yta this isn't about your brother or who's dog it is. you have a dog living with you. you say you even play with it. it is a member of your family. please have some compassion for the poor animal. your brother is not sitting on the couch asking you to do his work for him. he is at work unavailable and he is asking on behalf of the dog, not himself. the dog doesn't want to mess in the house and he doesn't want to upset you in any way. work with him on this. he won't need to go on the hour every hour, eventually he will just let you know when he needs to go. forget your brother for a minute and focus on the dog and both you and the dog will come away better for it.	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	0.024	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we have had many fights about his dog and me not wanting to take his dog potty while he's out at work or just out away in general. i have told him multiple times, "that's not my problem" or "that sounds like a personal problem" or "well, he's not my dog" whenever he makes any sort of comment saying that he wants someone else in our house to take care of the his dog. the most recent one was when he texted everyone: "can you take him out potty once an hour" or "if you're unsure when was the last time he went potty or if i left the house, just text me" why should i be the one to ask my brother if he has left or when the last time the dog went potty? my brother should be the one to give us the headsup that he left or when the last time he went potty if he's left the house since it's his dog. i initially agreed but my actions have always proved otherwise. i never take him potty or clean up after him i just make my sister or brother do it when they come home. my guesses are that my brother thinks its dismissive what i say, or maybe he's mad that i play with his dog but don't want to deal with any of the dirty work. idk but if i had a dog, i wouldn't expect anything from anyone. plus even if what i said is dismissive, there is truth in what i said that its really not my problems to worry about.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> we have had many fights about his dog and me not wanting to take his dog potty while he's out at work or just out away in general. i have told him multiple times, "that's not my problem" or "that sounds like a personal problem" or "well, he's not my dog" whenever he makes any sort of comment saying that he wants someone else in our house to take care of the his dog. the most recent one was when he texted everyone: "can you take him out potty once an hour" or "if you're unsure when was the last time he went potty or if i left the house, just text me" why should i be the one to ask my brother if he has left or when the last time the dog went potty? my brother should be the one to give us the headsup that he left or when the last time he went potty if he's left the house since it's his dog. i initially agreed but my actions have always proved otherwise. i never take him potty or clean up after him i just make my sister or brother do it when they come home. my guesses are that my brother thinks its dismissive what i say, or maybe he's mad that i play with his dog but don't want to deal with any of the dirty work. idk but if i had a dog, i wouldn't expect anything from anyone. plus even if what i said is dismissive, there is truth in what i said that its really not my problems to worry about. [/INST] yta. i was on your side until i got to this: "i initially agreed but my actions have always proved otherwise. i never take him potty or clean up after him i just make my sister or brother do it when they come home."* i mean you pretty much confess to being irresponsible and deceitful right there. it became your problem when you agreed to take care of it. </s>
AITA for doing what I want instead of what my mom wanted?	so, context first (if i reach the word count i’m happy to answer questions in comments/add in edits): my mom (52) is very much a traditionalist. women should have long hair, be in the home/a teacher/dress modestly. lgbt people should keep it on the super down-low im (23afab) what my mom would call a “bleeding heart liberal”. i think everyone should be able to dress and love who they want and that everyone should be able to be open about who they are. i’m also currently working 2 jobs and applying to graduate school. so this issue has been a pretty long running issue between us but almost cost my relationship with her last year around my 22nd birthday. see, i was living up in maine for the summer for work (summer camp) and decided it was time for a haircut. now, my hair is fairly thick and i’m lazy when it comes to blow drying my hair. it’s a lot of effort that i don’t have the energy for. i’ve always wanted short hair. it’s easier to style and less work to care for, in my opinion. my mom hates short haircuts (often citing “looking like a boy/lesbian” as her reason to be against them on girls). but last year was the first year i’d been able to pay for my own haircut. so i compromised. instead of chopping all my hair off like i wanted to, i went with my second option: i got bangs, a trim and an undercut. honestly, best decision i’ve ever made. i love my undercut and still maintain it. but when i got it done, my mom was furious. apparently i went “against her wishes” and “intentionally defied her because i hate her”. which, isn’t true. i don’t hate her. i defended myself saying that it was my choice how i wear my hair and that it’ll grow back if i don’t like it. this argument went on for several days including her calling me ungrateful, a b, and several other names. i retaliated with the fact that my hair is mine to do with what i please. she then decided that she didn’t want to come visit me for my birthday. and i let it go. honestly, if she was going to be pouty and rude i didn’t want her to come visit. this culminated in her reluctantly coming to visit and pouting the entire time. so reddit, was i and and i still the assholes for what i did/said?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pyx989/aita_for_doing_what_i_want_instead_of_what_my_mom/	2021-10-01 01:07:05	nta. your body your choice. you are an adult for fuck sake. your mom sounds like a petulant child. you do you! don’t listen to your mother.	nta. you wasted a lot of space on details that don't matter. your hair. your body. your choice. always.	of course nta. if you’re old enough to express how you want to style your hair, you are old enough to choose. it’s just sad it’s taken so long to get the cut you want.	ayfkm?? nta. your mother is a controlling idiot.	nta. you’re an adult and you’re allowed to do what you want to your hair. your mom doesn’t have to like it but it doesn’t give her the right to be homophobic either. if it was a big enough deal that she couldn’t see you on your birthday, then she needs the grow up and recognize that her controlling attitude will get her nothing but a strained relationship with her child in the future.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, context first (if i reach the word count i’m happy to answer questions in comments/add in edits): my mom (52) is very much a traditionalist. women should have long hair, be in the home/a teacher/dress modestly. lgbt people should keep it on the super down-low im (23afab) what my mom would call a “bleeding heart liberal”. i think everyone should be able to dress and love who they want and that everyone should be able to be open about who they are. i’m also currently working 2 jobs and applying to graduate school. so this issue has been a pretty long running issue between us but almost cost my relationship with her last year around my 22nd birthday. see, i was living up in maine for the summer for work (summer camp) and decided it was time for a haircut. now, my hair is fairly thick and i’m lazy when it comes to blow drying my hair. it’s a lot of effort that i don’t have the energy for. i’ve always wanted short hair. it’s easier to style and less work to care for, in my opinion. my mom hates* short haircuts (often citing “looking like a boy/lesbian” as her reason to be against them on girls). but last year was the first year i’d been able to pay for my own haircut. so i compromised. instead of chopping all my hair off like i wanted to, i went with my second option: i got bangs, a trim and an undercut. honestly, best decision i’ve ever made. i love my undercut and still maintain it. but when i got it done, my mom was furious. apparently i went “against her wishes” and “intentionally defied her because i hate her”. which, isn’t true. i don’t hate her. i defended myself saying that it was my choice how i wear my hair and that it’ll grow back if i don’t like it. this argument went on for several days including her calling me ungrateful, a b, and several other names. i retaliated with the fact that my hair is mine to do with what i please. she then decided that she didn’t want to come visit me for my birthday. and i let it go. honestly, if she was going to be pouty and rude i didn’t want her to come visit. this culminated in her reluctantly coming to visit and pouting the entire time. so reddit, was i and and i still the assholes for what i did/said?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so, context first (if i reach the word count i’m happy to answer questions in comments/add in edits): my mom (52) is very much a traditionalist. women should have long hair, be in the home/a teacher/dress modestly. lgbt people should keep it on the super down-low im (23afab) what my mom would call a “bleeding heart liberal”. i think everyone should be able to dress and love who they want and that everyone should be able to be open about who they are. i’m also currently working 2 jobs and applying to graduate school. so this issue has been a pretty long running issue between us but almost cost my relationship with her last year around my 22nd birthday. see, i was living up in maine for the summer for work (summer camp) and decided it was time for a haircut. now, my hair is fairly thick and i’m lazy when it comes to blow drying my hair. it’s a lot of effort that i don’t have the energy for. i’ve always wanted short hair. it’s easier to style and less work to care for, in my opinion. my mom hates* short haircuts (often citing “looking like a boy/lesbian” as her reason to be against them on girls). but last year was the first year i’d been able to pay for my own haircut. so i compromised. instead of chopping all my hair off like i wanted to, i went with my second option: i got bangs, a trim and an undercut. honestly, best decision i’ve ever made. i love my undercut and still maintain it. but when i got it done, my mom was furious. apparently i went “against her wishes” and “intentionally defied her because i hate her”. which, isn’t true. i don’t hate her. i defended myself saying that it was my choice how i wear my hair and that it’ll grow back if i don’t like it. this argument went on for several days including her calling me ungrateful, a b, and several other names. i retaliated with the fact that my hair is mine to do with what i please. she then decided that she didn’t want to come visit me for my birthday. and i let it go. honestly, if she was going to be pouty and rude i didn’t want her to come visit. this culminated in her reluctantly coming to visit and pouting the entire time. so reddit, was i and and i still the assholes for what i did/said? [/INST] nta. your body your choice. you are an adult for fuck sake. your mom sounds like a petulant child. you do you! don’t listen to your mother. </s>
AITA for making my sister drive very early in the morning to remove her stuff from my house.	i (35f) told my (27f) half sister that she needed to remove her stuff from my basement that has been sitting there for about 2.5 years. i live in an old farm house with a small basement that is like the basement from the evil dead. it's small, it seeps and my hubby and i want to fix the old basement. the only thing stopping us was all of my sister's stuff she just left here when she moved out in december of 2019. when she moved out she never bothered to come back and pack up her belongings in her room and pretty much forced my husband and i to pack it all up just so i could have my own space. now when we originally did it we were under the impression that it was only for a couple of months.we were fine with that then covid happened and getting her stuff was on the back burner. now every couple of months i reminded her that she needs to get her stuff, that we are not a storage unit. well now it's 2.5 half years later and i finally snapped. told her she had a week to get her stuff out or it's going in the dump trailer to go to the dump. well that was 10 days ago. she never once called to tell me she couldn't just expected me to keep holding on to her stuff. and last night i told she had 12 hours (to 7 am) to retrieve her stuff or it's gone. well she tried to call my bluff but i was in too deep. and i stuck to my guns (figuratively) and i went down in my evil basement a took all of her stuff except 1 thing and put it outside for her to get it. my husband had told me before he went to bed he didn't want her, her mother or our father in our house which i agreed too. well 6:15 hits she's here getting her stuff except our grandfather's guitar which she just left sit in a basement. now the reason i didn't give her the guitar was cuz i have absolutely nothing of our fathers parents. but she has all kinds of things from them i have nothing not a picture not a thing. and i decided as for i had all this stuff for over 2 years i deserved a payment for storing it. nothing in life is free. so i kept it cuz atleast i won't let it sit in damp basement and rot. i'm sorry for the rambling it's my first time posting ever. so aita?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uummwd/aita_for_making_my_sister_drive_very_early_in_the/	2022-05-21 13:00:57	nta. could have stopped reading when you said her things had been there for 2.5 years.	nta a few months…okay… 2.5 years… not okay. clearly none of her stuff is that important to her anyway.	nta. you gave her lots and lots of warnings. and since she's there getting the stuff now, she was obviously capable of doing it earlier. if you were a storage unit they would have changed the lock and auctioned everything off over a year ago. so i would say it's a fair fee. also moisture destroys everything, especially instruments. i'm surprised the guitar even survived. they will say you stole it until the end of days though. people like this always twist the story.	nta - she had multiple chances to come get it. if it was important to her she would have come.	~~everyone sucks. you said she had 14 days then shortened it by 3.5; also what were you going to do with it at 7 am? honestly, you could have given her at least 24 hours.~~ smh, i misread. nta, you’ve given her plenty of time to get her stuff. you even moved it helpfully out of the basement for her. she sucks for leaving her things as long as she did, for sure.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (35f) told my (27f) half sister that she needed to remove her stuff from my basement that has been sitting there for about 2.5 years. i live in an old farm house with a small basement that is like the basement from the evil dead. it's small, it seeps and my hubby and i want to fix the old basement. the only thing stopping us was all of my sister's stuff she just left here when she moved out in december of 2019. when she moved out she never bothered to come back and pack up her belongings in her room and pretty much forced my husband and i to pack it all up just so i could have my own space. now when we originally did it we were under the impression that it was only for a couple of months.we were fine with that then covid happened and getting her stuff was on the back burner. now every couple of months i reminded her that she needs to get her stuff, that we are not a storage unit. well now it's 2.5 half years later and i finally snapped. told her she had a week to get her stuff out or it's going in the dump trailer to go to the dump. well that was 10 days ago. she never once called to tell me she couldn't just expected me to keep holding on to her stuff. and last night i told she had 12 hours (to 7 am) to retrieve her stuff or it's gone. well she tried to call my bluff but i was in too deep. and i stuck to my guns (figuratively) and i went down in my evil basement a took all of her stuff except 1 thing and put it outside for her to get it. my husband had told me before he went to bed he didn't want her, her mother or our father in our house which i agreed too. well 6:15 hits she's here getting her stuff except our grandfather's guitar which she just left sit in a basement. now the reason i didn't give her the guitar was cuz i have absolutely nothing of our fathers parents. but she has all kinds of things from them i have nothing not a picture not a thing. and i decided as for i had all this stuff for over 2 years i deserved a payment for storing it. nothing in life is free. so i kept it cuz atleast i won't let it sit in damp basement and rot. i'm sorry for the rambling it's my first time posting ever. so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (35f) told my (27f) half sister that she needed to remove her stuff from my basement that has been sitting there for about 2.5 years. i live in an old farm house with a small basement that is like the basement from the evil dead. it's small, it seeps and my hubby and i want to fix the old basement. the only thing stopping us was all of my sister's stuff she just left here when she moved out in december of 2019. when she moved out she never bothered to come back and pack up her belongings in her room and pretty much forced my husband and i to pack it all up just so i could have my own space. now when we originally did it we were under the impression that it was only for a couple of months.we were fine with that then covid happened and getting her stuff was on the back burner. now every couple of months i reminded her that she needs to get her stuff, that we are not a storage unit. well now it's 2.5 half years later and i finally snapped. told her she had a week to get her stuff out or it's going in the dump trailer to go to the dump. well that was 10 days ago. she never once called to tell me she couldn't just expected me to keep holding on to her stuff. and last night i told she had 12 hours (to 7 am) to retrieve her stuff or it's gone. well she tried to call my bluff but i was in too deep. and i stuck to my guns (figuratively) and i went down in my evil basement a took all of her stuff except 1 thing and put it outside for her to get it. my husband had told me before he went to bed he didn't want her, her mother or our father in our house which i agreed too. well 6:15 hits she's here getting her stuff except our grandfather's guitar which she just left sit in a basement. now the reason i didn't give her the guitar was cuz i have absolutely nothing of our fathers parents. but she has all kinds of things from them i have nothing not a picture not a thing. and i decided as for i had all this stuff for over 2 years i deserved a payment for storing it. nothing in life is free. so i kept it cuz atleast i won't let it sit in damp basement and rot. i'm sorry for the rambling it's my first time posting ever. so aita? [/INST] nta. could have stopped reading when you said her things had been there for 2.5 years. </s>
AITA for trying to make my dad understand period pain.	so this happened a year or so ago now but its came up in a conversation with my mum and while i hadn't thought i was an asshole i'm beginning to be unsure. i (f19) was on my period and sitting watching tv with my mum my dad and brother, who i'll call drew (m15 fake name). now while i don't want to go into any gory detail i will say that my periods are very unpleasant and as such very painful (i do see medical professionals for them before anyone says anything). drew was mucking around, making fun and poking me, nothing that really bad, just annoying. mum was telling him to stop and he was ignoring her, mostly because dad was egging him on. next thing i know drew has poked me directly in the stomach and i curled in on myself in pain. while i will freely acknowledge that he did not poke me hard, i was already in significant amounts of pain to begin with and this really did bring me to tears. upon seeing this drew immediately backed off and mumbled a half apology. but dad just rolled his eyes and said "stop overreacting to get drew in trouble." i told him i wasn't and that i really was in that much pain. he told me he didn't believe me and proceeded to get up to walk to the kitchen, which he had to walk past me to do. as he passed me he prodded me in the stomach too. again, not hard, but i was already in pain. i once again curled in on myself crying and he huffed and continued walking to the kitchen. by the time he was walking back in i'd gotten myself under control but i was pissed off. i don't really know what came over me but as he passed back by me i poked him in the stomach and i will admit that it was harder than he poked me but not even remotely enough to compare to period pain, to my mind at the time it was the only way i could make him understand. needless to say he asked me what the hell i was doing and scoffed when i explained that me poking him in the stomach was just a fraction of what i was feeling. dad told me i was drama queen and gave me a 10 minute lecture on how retaliation was bad (yes, you read that right, he lectured a 19 year old on how 'retaliating is bad' his words). he then sat back down and acted like everything was normal. as i said, this came up in conversation recently with my mum and she told me that i shouldn't have reacted that way and that i'm the asshole because i should have let it go because 'he's a man and will never understand so i shouldn't get so upset about it' so reddit, aita?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/js6gm1/aita_for_trying_to_make_my_dad_understand_period/	2020-11-11 11:24:52	nta, your dad sounds like an ass who can't take what he dishes out. you mom sounds pretty terrible too.	nta. he won't understand, but it's not because he's a man. it's because he lacks empathy.	nta - my boyfriend finally got it when i explained the painful cramps he experienced when he got diarrhoea (lol) are similar... but for us they last for days, there’s no “medicine” to stop a period happening so cramps are par for the course, and they last for longer in their “waves”. i don’t know if you’re in the uk but the nhs was pretty rubbish on this for me... and i’d get cramps so bad i’d throw up from pain. i started doing a series of things (woman’s health had a load of these suggestions from top gynos), including taking vitamin d supplements (2000ui), start taking ibuprofen two days before it starts, and make sure you’re hydrated with 2 litres a day the week before and during period (you’re peeing a lot but it’s worth it). it’s made a profound impact on me so i hope maybe trying these helps? feel for you and hope they get better!	nta - your dad is grooming your brother to be physically abusive and dismissive of women's bodily autonomy and your mother thinks this is okay?!?	nta. i'm a little horrified that your mom is so ok having a husband that doesn't get that she's (or her daughter) is in pain :( i got angry just reading that.	nta being a man isn't an excuse for being an unempathetic jackass	nta, and next time kick them in the balls.	nta you dad is modeling some seriously bad behavior to your brother. he's effectively teaching him to not take period pain seriously and it will cripple his relationships. these days, not many girls will deal with that kind of mindset. it's very alarming to me that you dad doesn't take your pain seriously. i find it funny that he told you not to retaliate when he literally retaliated against you for "overreacting" by poking you where you are in pain. periods can be absolutely agonizing and they were worse when i was around your age. i think maybe my pain threshold has gotten better from dealing with it for so long, but it still really hurts. i get all my pain in my back. back craps are horrible. in the past, i've ended up in a ball on the floor. if you are not on hormonal birth control, i strongly suggest you get on it. my periods got significantly more bearable after i went on the pill. i'm sorry your father is so insensitive.	nta. your dad mocked you while you were in pain. even good friends don't do this level of crap, not to mention parents. oh god...	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so this happened a year or so ago now but its came up in a conversation with my mum and while i hadn't thought i was an asshole i'm beginning to be unsure. i (f19) was on my period and sitting watching tv with my mum my dad and brother, who i'll call drew (m15 fake name). now while i don't want to go into any gory detail i will say that my periods are very unpleasant and as such very painful (i do see medical professionals for them before anyone says anything). drew was mucking around, making fun and poking me, nothing that really bad, just annoying. mum was telling him to stop and he was ignoring her, mostly because dad was egging him on. next thing i know drew has poked me directly in the stomach and i curled in on myself in pain. while i will freely acknowledge that he did not poke me hard, i was already in significant amounts of pain to begin with and this really did bring me to tears. upon seeing this drew immediately backed off and mumbled a half apology. but dad just rolled his eyes and said "stop overreacting to get drew in trouble." i told him i wasn't and that i really was in that much pain. he told me he didn't believe me and proceeded to get up to walk to the kitchen, which he had to walk past me to do. as he passed me he prodded me in the stomach too. again, not hard, but i was already in pain. i once again curled in on myself crying and he huffed and continued walking to the kitchen. by the time he was walking back in i'd gotten myself under control but i was pissed off. i don't really know what came over me but as he passed back by me i poked him in the stomach and i will admit that it was harder than he poked me but not even remotely enough to compare to period pain, to my mind at the time it was the only way i could make him understand. needless to say he asked me what the hell i was doing and scoffed when i explained that me poking him in the stomach was just a fraction of what i was feeling. dad told me i was drama queen and gave me a 10 minute lecture on how retaliation was bad (yes, you read that right, he lectured a 19 year old on how 'retaliating is bad' his words). he then sat back down and acted like everything was normal. as i said, this came up in conversation recently with my mum and she told me that i shouldn't have reacted that way and that i'm the asshole because i should have let it go because 'he's a man and will never understand so i shouldn't get so upset about it' so reddit, aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so this happened a year or so ago now but its came up in a conversation with my mum and while i hadn't thought i was an asshole i'm beginning to be unsure. i (f19) was on my period and sitting watching tv with my mum my dad and brother, who i'll call drew (m15 fake name). now while i don't want to go into any gory detail i will say that my periods are very unpleasant and as such very painful (i do see medical professionals for them before anyone says anything). drew was mucking around, making fun and poking me, nothing that really bad, just annoying. mum was telling him to stop and he was ignoring her, mostly because dad was egging him on. next thing i know drew has poked me directly in the stomach and i curled in on myself in pain. while i will freely acknowledge that he did not poke me hard, i was already in significant amounts of pain to begin with and this really did bring me to tears. upon seeing this drew immediately backed off and mumbled a half apology. but dad just rolled his eyes and said "stop overreacting to get drew in trouble." i told him i wasn't and that i really was in that much pain. he told me he didn't believe me and proceeded to get up to walk to the kitchen, which he had to walk past me to do. as he passed me he prodded me in the stomach too. again, not hard, but i was already in pain. i once again curled in on myself crying and he huffed and continued walking to the kitchen. by the time he was walking back in i'd gotten myself under control but i was pissed off. i don't really know what came over me but as he passed back by me i poked him in the stomach and i will admit that it was harder than he poked me but not even remotely enough to compare to period pain, to my mind at the time it was the only way i could make him understand. needless to say he asked me what the hell i was doing and scoffed when i explained that me poking him in the stomach was just a fraction of what i was feeling. dad told me i was drama queen and gave me a 10 minute lecture on how retaliation was bad (yes, you read that right, he lectured a 19 year old on how 'retaliating is bad' his words). he then sat back down and acted like everything was normal. as i said, this came up in conversation recently with my mum and she told me that i shouldn't have reacted that way and that i'm the asshole because i should have let it go because 'he's a man and will never understand so i shouldn't get so upset about it' so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta, your dad sounds like an ass who can't take what he dishes out. you mom sounds pretty terrible too. </s>
AITA for withholding support from my sick sister?	throwaway account. a few years ago i was in a very bad mental health space. i had gone through some damaging shit and instead of processing it i just started shutting down until i had a pretty bad melt down and basically stopped functioning for months. i lost my job, failed college classes, alienated myself from my peer group; by the time i got help from my closest friend, i was so mentally and physically drained i couldn't cut up my own food. my friend got me into a doctor and we set up medication and therapy and i've been working my way back to functional adulthood, but during that whole time my family had abandoned me. when things started getting really unmanageable they just flaked, and after my friend and i had started picking up the pieces my sister and mom initiated contact like nothing had happened. at the time i responded in kind, but i've always been hurt. recently my sister has gotten sick. it's a debilitating illness that will most likely kill her in time. she has reached out to me for emotional support multiple times, which i awkwardly supplied at first, and now for physical support. she wants me to move in and help her since she is too sick to do much of anything on her own, and i flat out refused. the thing is, where was she when i was too sick to cut my own food? when i couldn't leave bed for days and i dropped weight because it was too hard to eat? i don't want to spend my time taking care of someone who didn't care enough to do it for me. both my parents, especially my mother, think i'm being a heartless bitch for refusing to help a dying woman. my mother has told me that this kind of sickness is different from 'my kind of sickness' and i know better than to trivialize my sister's suffering. aita for maybe being petty and refusing to help out?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fhur84/aita_for_withholding_support_from_my_sick_sister/	2020-03-13 05:33:43	nta. you know better than anyone whether your sister is remorseful about how she treated you. being family doesn’t mean you blindly give and give until you have nothing left. it sounds like you haven’t had much of a relationship for a while. if she wants that to change, she should own up to where she hurt and neglected you and do what it takes to make it up to you. being sick isn’t a free pass to forgiveness.	info: why don’t your parents take care of your dying sister? i’m sure they are further along in their careers and more stable than you are financially, so they can take care of her. why doesn’t your sister have a professional caretaker or why isn’t she at an assisted living home if she is so ill?	nta - you aren’t obligated to care for others, no matter their relationship to you. you have to look out for your own well-being as well.	nta either your parents can care for her or they can hire a caregiver. sometimes you only have so many fucks in your cup. with your history of mental illness, i urge you to be careful about giving out those fucks because being a caregiver can quickly drain them and i have a feeling that your family won't be saying thank you or offering any kind of bread once they get you stuck with your sister.	nta i might have agreed with those who said that you shouldn’t lower yourself to their bad behavior until i saw that your parents didn’t think your illness was real because it was due to problems with your mental health rather than physical body. if they had acknowledged that they messed up and apologized i might have thought it a bit petty to then refuse any and all help (being a caretaker is a massive undertaking even for a family member you get along with). but after them trying to invalidate the horrible experience you went through with no family support? they are selfish people and don’t deserve your help.	nta. family is not entitled to your support in any way just because they are related to you. you’re totally justified in being upset that they weren’t there for you when you needed it and you’re not obligated to change your life to help your sister.	as someone who has placed their life on hold to become carer for a family member, let say this - if you don't think you can do it, then for the love of god, don't. and especially don't do it just because your parents say so. there are times you will come really close to breaking point, if you don't take care of yourself, and it sounds like you don't need that kind of stress. you are most sincerely nta for saying no.	null	null	null	NTA	INFO	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0.007141	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account. a few years ago i was in a very bad mental health space. i had gone through some damaging shit and instead of processing it i just started shutting down until i had a pretty bad melt down and basically stopped functioning for months. i lost my job, failed college classes, alienated myself from my peer group; by the time i got help from my closest friend, i was so mentally and physically drained i couldn't cut up my own food. my friend got me into a doctor and we set up medication and therapy and i've been working my way back to functional adulthood, but during that whole time my family had abandoned me. when things started getting really unmanageable they just flaked, and after my friend and i had started picking up the pieces my sister and mom initiated contact like nothing had happened. at the time i responded in kind, but i've always been hurt. recently my sister has gotten sick. it's a debilitating illness that will most likely kill her in time. she has reached out to me for emotional support multiple times, which i awkwardly supplied at first, and now for physical support. she wants me to move in and help her since she is too sick to do much of anything on her own, and i flat out refused. the thing is, where was she when i was too sick to cut my own food? when i couldn't leave bed for days and i dropped weight because it was too hard to eat? i don't want to spend my time taking care of someone who didn't care enough to do it for me. both my parents, especially my mother, think i'm being a heartless bitch for refusing to help a dying woman. my mother has told me that this kind of sickness is different from 'my kind of sickness' and i know better than to trivialize my sister's suffering. aita for maybe being petty and refusing to help out?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> throwaway account. a few years ago i was in a very bad mental health space. i had gone through some damaging shit and instead of processing it i just started shutting down until i had a pretty bad melt down and basically stopped functioning for months. i lost my job, failed college classes, alienated myself from my peer group; by the time i got help from my closest friend, i was so mentally and physically drained i couldn't cut up my own food. my friend got me into a doctor and we set up medication and therapy and i've been working my way back to functional adulthood, but during that whole time my family had abandoned me. when things started getting really unmanageable they just flaked, and after my friend and i had started picking up the pieces my sister and mom initiated contact like nothing had happened. at the time i responded in kind, but i've always been hurt. recently my sister has gotten sick. it's a debilitating illness that will most likely kill her in time. she has reached out to me for emotional support multiple times, which i awkwardly supplied at first, and now for physical support. she wants me to move in and help her since she is too sick to do much of anything on her own, and i flat out refused. the thing is, where was she when i was too sick to cut my own food? when i couldn't leave bed for days and i dropped weight because it was too hard to eat? i don't want to spend my time taking care of someone who didn't care enough to do it for me. both my parents, especially my mother, think i'm being a heartless bitch for refusing to help a dying woman. my mother has told me that this kind of sickness is different from 'my kind of sickness' and i know better than to trivialize my sister's suffering. aita for maybe being petty and refusing to help out? [/INST] nta. you know better than anyone whether your sister is remorseful about how she treated you. being family doesn’t mean you blindly give and give until you have nothing left. it sounds like you haven’t had much of a relationship for a while. if she wants that to change, she should own up to where she hurt and neglected you and do what it takes to make it up to you. being sick isn’t a free pass to forgiveness. </s>
WIBTA if I gave my child a Japanese name despite my husband and I not being Japanese?	a bit of context: i am vietnamese-american and my husband is of mixed heritage, mostly german. we're about 10 weeks into the pregnancy (first kid, too), and have started talked about names. my husband and i are big anime fans, but we also admire other aspects of japanese culture (such as customs/traditions, philosophies, artistic creations beyond anime, etc). when talking about names, we talked about the name kotomi. kotomi generally means "beauty" or "beautiful" (it can have multiple meanings, though), and it's a name that we both really like and would want to name our kid if our kid is a girl. if our kid is a boy, we would want to name him haru (has a lot of meanings, but one we had in mind was "flowing springtime" since the kid's due date is in spring). i'm worried that giving our kid a japanese name would be culturally insensitive, especially since our friends and family know we're both big anime fans, and also because my husband and i are not japanese. i am also worried that our kid would be bullied for having a japanese name with no heritage ties, either. so wibta if i gave my child a japanese name despite my husband and not being japanese?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cwnex1/wibta_if_i_gave_my_child_a_japanese_name_despite/	2019-08-28 16:49:00	nah, but be prepared for all the issues this will entail. you and your child will be fielding questions and getting hot takes for a lifetime.	ywbta. i don't think you're coming from a bad place, but my main concern is for the kid, since you have no idea whether he'll like or even dislike japanese culture, anime, etc. and also because of the bullying thing as you say. e: some people here are saying nta and referencing themselves/people with names from other cultures they don't have ties to. this situation is different imo because of the influence of japanese culture through anime and other media. also, i don't have much of a problem with cultural insensitivity so long as you do your homework on the names, what implications you are giving, how the name would go in japanese culture on its own merits, etc. not to say that such questions only have one acceptable answer.	yta - only weeaboos do shit like this.	nah but also it's cringy, sorry. maybe as a second name?	yta - listen, it's your kid, so do what you want. but, ultimately, giving your kid a cultural name when you aren't a part of that culture is insensitive. how would you feel about a white kid with a vietnamese name given it because their parents love pho? you can love and respect a culture without making it a permanent part of your child's existence that they have to explain every time someone asks why they have a japanese name when they're vietnamese.	ywbta, come on its one think to name pets after things you are a fan of, but your child, who will have to grow up and have difficulty in life because her parents wanted to name her something for selfish purposes? do you guys have names from weird things your folks liked back then?	ywbta i have a black friend named sumiko jones because her parents “like japanese stuff”. people look at her strangely and ask about it and she has to explain it every time she introduces herself. it’s a hassle.	nah, but be prepared to get a lot of questions about it, and maybe some assumptions. personally i wouldn't, only because kids can be jerks, and other parents can be even worse. if you love the name, go ahead, but i don't think it will make for smooth sailing for you or your child. maybe as a middle name?	this is tricky, but i am somewhat leaning towards ywbta, mostly because of how this will effect your kid. they will probably be asked “are you japanese?” a lot in their life. and have to say “no, my parents just like japan/anime”. idk i just think that would be annoying. i don’t know if it’s “culturally insensitive” per say, but i think enough people will find it weird throughout your child’s life that i wouldn’t do it.	nah but i still think it’s a poor decision. the flack your child may get for this later in life isn’t worth it. there are so many names you can choose from, and i think it’s better to choose one that has sentimental significance to you beyond your love for anime. if you were naming your child after a close japanese friend this might be different, but choosing from japanese words that you like feels a bit appropriation-y to me.	NAH	YTA	YTA	NAH	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	YTA	NAH	0.264545	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a bit of context: i am vietnamese-american and my husband is of mixed heritage, mostly german. we're about 10 weeks into the pregnancy (first kid, too), and have started talked about names. my husband and i are big anime fans, but we also admire other aspects of japanese culture (such as customs/traditions, philosophies, artistic creations beyond anime, etc). when talking about names, we talked about the name kotomi. kotomi generally means "beauty" or "beautiful" (it can have multiple meanings, though), and it's a name that we both really like and would want to name our kid if our kid is a girl. if our kid is a boy, we would want to name him haru (has a lot of meanings, but one we had in mind was "flowing springtime" since the kid's due date is in spring). i'm worried that giving our kid a japanese name would be culturally insensitive, especially since our friends and family know we're both big anime fans, and also because my husband and i are not japanese. i am also worried that our kid would be bullied for having a japanese name with no heritage ties, either. so wibta if i gave my child a japanese name despite my husband and not being japanese?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> a bit of context: i am vietnamese-american and my husband is of mixed heritage, mostly german. we're about 10 weeks into the pregnancy (first kid, too), and have started talked about names. my husband and i are big anime fans, but we also admire other aspects of japanese culture (such as customs/traditions, philosophies, artistic creations beyond anime, etc). when talking about names, we talked about the name kotomi. kotomi generally means "beauty" or "beautiful" (it can have multiple meanings, though), and it's a name that we both really like and would want to name our kid if our kid is a girl. if our kid is a boy, we would want to name him haru (has a lot of meanings, but one we had in mind was "flowing springtime" since the kid's due date is in spring). i'm worried that giving our kid a japanese name would be culturally insensitive, especially since our friends and family know we're both big anime fans, and also because my husband and i are not japanese. i am also worried that our kid would be bullied for having a japanese name with no heritage ties, either. so wibta if i gave my child a japanese name despite my husband and not being japanese? [/INST] nah, but be prepared for all the issues this will entail. you and your child will be fielding questions and getting hot takes for a lifetime. </s>
Aita for not wanting to hang out with my boyfriend’s son	my boyfriend has a son (8m) from a previous relationship. i don’t mind that he has a son because i love children. the problem is that his son is a brat. he is allowed to do whatever he wants and is never disciplined by his father. he has a bedtime, but it is never enforced even on school nights. he barges into my boyfriend’s bedroom any time he feels like it, and if the door is locked he will kick and scream that he’s going to “break it down” until we open it. it’s gotten to the point i won’t have sex with bf if son is there. he lives with his mom and bf mainly sees him on the weekends. with our new work schedules it’s only practical for us to hangout on the weekends as well. don’t get me wrong i love his son, he can be a great kid when he wants to be. the issue is that he becomes a total brat when he doesn’t get his way. whenever plans fall that me and son are both spending the weekend with bf i end up backing out of our plans. i excuse myself by saying that i have to stay late at work or that i’m tired (mostly true because i’m too tired to deal with his son). i haven’t said anything about how poorly behaved his son is to him or anyone else, but i feel like he’s starting to catch on to the fact that i don’t like hanging out. he tricked me today by saying that son would absolutely not be there but after i agreed he said that plans changed and son would be there after all. i’m going to cancel because we’ll be seeing each other tomorrow anyway, but aita for feeling like this in the first place? i’ve dated people with children before and never thought that the kids were brats or that i didn’t want to be around them. tldr: my boyfriend’s son acts like a brat so i limit my time with him which also limits my time with my boyfriend.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lj9m5i/aita_for_not_wanting_to_hang_out_with_my/	2021-02-13 21:22:39	nta i can’t stand bratty kids either but does it really make any sense being with a guy who wont discipline his kid? why be with a parent if you can’t stand their kid? i would never stay with a parent who had a rude kid that they don’t attempt to discipline. the kid is a part of him. he’s a package deal.	nta. but is that they guy you want to have a future with. eventually, you two are going to live together and his son might be there. the kid's behaviour will affect your child's.	nta but you need to have that conversation	nta but do you really see this working out in the long term? you need to sit down with him and have a conversation about this behavior. if it doesn’t change it would be a dealbreaker for me i couldn’t imagine putting up with a bratty kid like that forever.	nah. but this is likely to end your relationship. imagine if something happens to the child's mother and your so gets full custody? custody arrangements can change for many reasons. you don't want to be around his son, period, so this relationship has a shelf life.	nta but at some point you need to tell him why you don’t want to spend time with his son. personally, i would walk away because unless the parents are aware and addressing the behaviour he has zero reason to change so you are looking at years and years of this behaviour. and realistically a parent will (or should) always choose their child over someone else. but whether you ate happy with a casual relationship with limited contact with his son is up to you	nta but you need to have a conversation and point out clear examples of the sons behavior you find concerning and why. this is especially true if you see a future with this guy.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0.000893	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend has a son (8m) from a previous relationship. i don’t mind that he has a son because i love children. the problem is that his son is a brat. he is allowed to do whatever he wants and is never disciplined by his father. he has a bedtime, but it is never enforced even on school nights. he barges into my boyfriend’s bedroom any time he feels like it, and if the door is locked he will kick and scream that he’s going to “break it down” until we open it. it’s gotten to the point i won’t have sex with bf if son is there. he lives with his mom and bf mainly sees him on the weekends. with our new work schedules it’s only practical for us to hangout on the weekends as well. don’t get me wrong i love his son, he can be a great kid when he wants to be. the issue is that he becomes a total brat when he doesn’t get his way. whenever plans fall that me and son are both spending the weekend with bf i end up backing out of our plans. i excuse myself by saying that i have to stay late at work or that i’m tired (mostly true because i’m too tired to deal with his son). i haven’t said anything about how poorly behaved his son is to him or anyone else, but i feel like he’s starting to catch on to the fact that i don’t like hanging out. he tricked me today by saying that son would absolutely not be there but after i agreed he said that plans changed and son would be there after all. i’m going to cancel because we’ll be seeing each other tomorrow anyway, but aita for feeling like this in the first place? i’ve dated people with children before and never thought that the kids were brats or that i didn’t want to be around them. tldr: my boyfriend’s son acts like a brat so i limit my time with him which also limits my time with my boyfriend.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my boyfriend has a son (8m) from a previous relationship. i don’t mind that he has a son because i love children. the problem is that his son is a brat. he is allowed to do whatever he wants and is never disciplined by his father. he has a bedtime, but it is never enforced even on school nights. he barges into my boyfriend’s bedroom any time he feels like it, and if the door is locked he will kick and scream that he’s going to “break it down” until we open it. it’s gotten to the point i won’t have sex with bf if son is there. he lives with his mom and bf mainly sees him on the weekends. with our new work schedules it’s only practical for us to hangout on the weekends as well. don’t get me wrong i love his son, he can be a great kid when he wants to be. the issue is that he becomes a total brat when he doesn’t get his way. whenever plans fall that me and son are both spending the weekend with bf i end up backing out of our plans. i excuse myself by saying that i have to stay late at work or that i’m tired (mostly true because i’m too tired to deal with his son). i haven’t said anything about how poorly behaved his son is to him or anyone else, but i feel like he’s starting to catch on to the fact that i don’t like hanging out. he tricked me today by saying that son would absolutely not be there but after i agreed he said that plans changed and son would be there after all. i’m going to cancel because we’ll be seeing each other tomorrow anyway, but aita for feeling like this in the first place? i’ve dated people with children before and never thought that the kids were brats or that i didn’t want to be around them. tldr: my boyfriend’s son acts like a brat so i limit my time with him which also limits my time with my boyfriend. [/INST] nta i can’t stand bratty kids either but does it really make any sense being with a guy who wont discipline his kid? why be with a parent if you can’t stand their kid? i would never stay with a parent who had a rude kid that they don’t attempt to discipline. the kid is a part of him. he’s a package deal. </s>
WIBTA If I [25F] grey rocked this girl [28F]?	my very dear friend evelyn is getting married in october and having a huge wedding. lots of social engagements approaching and i'm the moh. there's a girl in the wedding party who treats me (imo) like total shit and i don't know whether i should: a) greyrock her (a method of becoming boring to slough off the attention of the drama seeking sociopathic narcissist) or if i should b) kill her with kindness. &#x200b; things she has done to me since it was announced that evelyn is getting engaged: 1. said that i shouldn't be moh and stand beside eve for 'aesthetic' reasons, i would look best "at the end" 2. said in the group chat that she doesn't think asian features are pretty (i'm asian lol) 3. asked how much money my boyfriend makes and why he didn't buy my dress (i guess her boyfriend bought her bridesmaid dress. shit was over $300) 4. called dibs on not sleeping in the same room as me for our airbnb for the bachelorette party 5. said i wasn't a real friend to evelyn because they've known each other for way longer 6. asked what clothes i'll be packing for our bach party weekend because she doesn't want our pictures to look bad &#x200b; to be honest, i revel in her dislike for me, because i think she's a bad person. i just want to look better than her in these coming weeks, so how do i make out to be the least asshole-ish? wibta if i greyrocked her? or is greyrocking more graceful than killing w kindness? &#x200b; your thoughts appreciated.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c3t8er/wibta_if_i_25f_grey_rocked_this_girl_28f/	2019-06-22 18:41:20	nta but (as a joke only) you would be the a* only if you don’t come back and give us an update!	nta - this girl sounds like a nightmare. i think you should grey rock the hell out of her. just completely become unresponsive to her. hell, keep me updated on this cause i’m curious how it’s gonna play out if you go for it	nta. but absolutely kill her with kindness. treat her like she's your new bff. go put of your way to be nice and considerate of her. buy her coffee and compliment all of her outfits. when she says ugly racist things to you come back with disgustingly sweet comments about her appearance. because she wants you get angry and make a scene so you will get kicked from the wedding party. i gaurantee you she's probably making snide comments to the bride to be about you about how you're not a good moh. but if you respond with kind, saccharine words then she won't even know how to respond. flounder her with your kindness.	killing with kindness is more fun lol but nta either way	nta, but seriously, don’t do either. just chill, and force yourself to be completely unbothered by her, so unbothered that you don’t even notice, it’ll drive her up the damn wall. just act like you are completely unaware of her shit-throwing. be nice like you would to anyone else who wasn’t doing this shit, it’s going to drive her bonkers, like poking her in the eyelid with a rubber pencil that has been smoothed down to a soft shine.	nta - the racist wedding party member is. either option is fine, i’d go to r/relationships if you want advice and not judgement.	nta: kill her with kindness because then she will look extremely bad for being such a racist bitch.	nta, but will either of these things escalate her crazy to the level of interfering with the bride’s happiness? if you intend to stay moh, you may consider focusing your efforts on ensuring this girl doesn’t ruin evelyn’s day.	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my very dear friend evelyn is getting married in october and having a huge wedding. lots of social engagements approaching and i'm the moh. there's a girl in the wedding party who treats me (imo) like total shit and i don't know whether i should: a) greyrock her (a method of becoming boring to slough off the attention of the drama seeking sociopathic narcissist) or if i should b) kill her with kindness. &#x200b; things she has done to me since it was announced that evelyn is getting engaged: 1. said that i shouldn't be moh and stand beside eve for 'aesthetic' reasons, i would look best "at the end" 2. said in the group chat that she doesn't think asian features are pretty (i'm asian lol) 3. asked how much money my boyfriend makes and why he didn't buy my dress (i guess her boyfriend bought her bridesmaid dress. shit was over $300) 4. called dibs on not sleeping in the same room as me for our airbnb for the bachelorette party 5. said i wasn't a real friend to evelyn because they've known each other for way longer 6. asked what clothes i'll be packing for our bach party weekend because she doesn't want our pictures to look bad &#x200b; to be honest, i revel in her dislike for me, because i think she's a bad person. i just want to look better than her in these coming weeks, so how do i make out to be the least asshole-ish? wibta if i greyrocked her? or is greyrocking more graceful than killing w kindness? &#x200b; your thoughts appreciated.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my very dear friend evelyn is getting married in october and having a huge wedding. lots of social engagements approaching and i'm the moh. there's a girl in the wedding party who treats me (imo) like total shit and i don't know whether i should: a) greyrock her (a method of becoming boring to slough off the attention of the drama seeking sociopathic narcissist) or if i should b) kill her with kindness. &#x200b; things she has done to me since it was announced that evelyn is getting engaged: 1. said that i shouldn't be moh and stand beside eve for 'aesthetic' reasons, i would look best "at the end" 2. said in the group chat that she doesn't think asian features are pretty (i'm asian lol) 3. asked how much money my boyfriend makes and why he didn't buy my dress (i guess her boyfriend bought her bridesmaid dress. shit was over $300) 4. called dibs on not sleeping in the same room as me for our airbnb for the bachelorette party 5. said i wasn't a real friend to evelyn because they've known each other for way longer 6. asked what clothes i'll be packing for our bach party weekend because she doesn't want our pictures to look bad &#x200b; to be honest, i revel in her dislike for me, because i think she's a bad person. i just want to look better than her in these coming weeks, so how do i make out to be the least asshole-ish? wibta if i greyrocked her? or is greyrocking more graceful than killing w kindness? &#x200b; your thoughts appreciated. [/INST] nta but (as a joke only) you would be the a only if you don’t come back and give us an update! </s>
AITA for snapping at my mums boyfriend over my food choices?	obligatory mobile warning. so i (20nb) am currently doing remote uni from my mums (50f). along with me in the house there’s my little brother (12m) and her boyfriend (51m). i don’t have a lot of time to make/cook myself lunch so i usually end up putting in a pizza or some chicken nuggets as they’re quick and easy and don’t require me to stand for long. however today my mums boyfriend kept making jabs at me about the amount of food i’m eating as he pays for the shopping, how i eat a whole pizza at time. i countered by saying that i don’t eat as much as my little brother (who ate three packs of crisps in one sitting) and i don’t graze constantly like him. he said he pays for it so he can eat what he wants. i left and went into my room and started feeling self conscious about what i was eating. i’m also not the skinniest person going but i have lost weight recently and was feeling good about that. later when i came out for lunch i made a pizza a) because i fancied pizza and b) because we couldn’t fit the ones we ordered in the feeder this week so they’re sat on our shed and they either get eaten or go off. it’s also not like i’m saying no one else can have one, it’s just i’m the only one who’s eating them. i haven’t even asked for them, he’s put them on willingly. so i was opening it up and he came into the kitchen and made some offhanded comments about me ‘eating pizza again’ and ‘how i’m going to turn into a teenager mutant ninja turtle’. so i snapped at him and told him to back off my food choices. he then said he was only joking and that i should learn to take a joke. i also feel like i should add that if i have asked for food to be out on in the past that he’s been very snippy about me ‘driving up the food bill’. even though i’ve asked for things like a box of fish fingers and a pack of wagon wheels which i’ve offered to pay for. he’s always declined. aita here? should i apologise for snapping or should i stand my ground?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j4ywtg/aita_for_snapping_at_my_mums_boyfriend_over_my/	2020-10-04 13:27:06	nta and if he's not asking for an apology, don't give it to him. eating one of those frozen pizzas in a sitting is not out of the ordinary and he's uncomfortably obsessed over your eating habits. maybe you could try and talk to him and tell him how his comments make you feel bad? but you know him better than any of us.	nta - this should be between your mother and him. if he’s unhappy buying food for her kids or the amount of the food budget, he needs to speak to your mother about that, not being you into it with snippy remarks have you spoken to your mother about it?	nta. he is projecting his self controlling habits on you. can i assume "grazing" means he is a bit of a health nut? in any case, you are eating the pizzas he would love to eat but would make him despise himself if he did it. i suggest, invert the table and as "why are you so concerned with what i eat? why are you paying so much attention? do i look like a realitytv show to you? or are you trying to ask me to help with the grocery money because you and mom are tight? i do not like your inquisition about my life and i believe you should handle your own issues without using me as a peg board." as a side note, between us, eat some greens... honestly, you can set yourself up for a lot of grief after years of poor food choices. best of luck, op.	nta. it wasn't a joke, and it may be best for you to just buy your own food from now on	nta he shouldn't be constantly giving you grief over your eating habits.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: obligatory mobile warning. so i (20nb) am currently doing remote uni from my mums (50f). along with me in the house there’s my little brother (12m) and her boyfriend (51m). i don’t have a lot of time to make/cook myself lunch so i usually end up putting in a pizza or some chicken nuggets as they’re quick and easy and don’t require me to stand for long. however today my mums boyfriend kept making jabs at me about the amount of food i’m eating as he pays for the shopping, how i eat a whole pizza at time. i countered by saying that i don’t eat as much as my little brother (who ate three packs of crisps in one sitting) and i don’t graze constantly like him. he said he pays for it so he can eat what he wants. i left and went into my room and started feeling self conscious about what i was eating. i’m also not the skinniest person going but i have lost weight recently and was feeling good about that. later when i came out for lunch i made a pizza a) because i fancied pizza and b) because we couldn’t fit the ones we ordered in the feeder this week so they’re sat on our shed and they either get eaten or go off. it’s also not like i’m saying no one else can have one, it’s just i’m the only one who’s eating them. i haven’t even asked for them, he’s put them on willingly. so i was opening it up and he came into the kitchen and made some offhanded comments about me ‘eating pizza again’ and ‘how i’m going to turn into a teenager mutant ninja turtle’. so i snapped at him and told him to back off my food choices. he then said he was only joking and that i should learn to take a joke. i also feel like i should add that if i have asked for food to be out on in the past that he’s been very snippy about me ‘driving up the food bill’. even though i’ve asked for things like a box of fish fingers and a pack of wagon wheels which i’ve offered to pay for. he’s always declined. aita here? should i apologise for snapping or should i stand my ground?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> obligatory mobile warning. so i (20nb) am currently doing remote uni from my mums (50f). along with me in the house there’s my little brother (12m) and her boyfriend (51m). i don’t have a lot of time to make/cook myself lunch so i usually end up putting in a pizza or some chicken nuggets as they’re quick and easy and don’t require me to stand for long. however today my mums boyfriend kept making jabs at me about the amount of food i’m eating as he pays for the shopping, how i eat a whole pizza at time. i countered by saying that i don’t eat as much as my little brother (who ate three packs of crisps in one sitting) and i don’t graze constantly like him. he said he pays for it so he can eat what he wants. i left and went into my room and started feeling self conscious about what i was eating. i’m also not the skinniest person going but i have lost weight recently and was feeling good about that. later when i came out for lunch i made a pizza a) because i fancied pizza and b) because we couldn’t fit the ones we ordered in the feeder this week so they’re sat on our shed and they either get eaten or go off. it’s also not like i’m saying no one else can have one, it’s just i’m the only one who’s eating them. i haven’t even asked for them, he’s put them on willingly. so i was opening it up and he came into the kitchen and made some offhanded comments about me ‘eating pizza again’ and ‘how i’m going to turn into a teenager mutant ninja turtle’. so i snapped at him and told him to back off my food choices. he then said he was only joking and that i should learn to take a joke. i also feel like i should add that if i have asked for food to be out on in the past that he’s been very snippy about me ‘driving up the food bill’. even though i’ve asked for things like a box of fish fingers and a pack of wagon wheels which i’ve offered to pay for. he’s always declined. aita here? should i apologise for snapping or should i stand my ground? [/INST] nta and if he's not asking for an apology, don't give it to him. eating one of those frozen pizzas in a sitting is not out of the ordinary and he's uncomfortably obsessed over your eating habits. maybe you could try and talk to him and tell him how his comments make you feel bad? but you know him better than any of us. </s>
AITA my friend is incredibly overweight and depressed. She seems upset because I told her to try exercising.	so i suffer from depression as well, i also do therapy from time to time, but i’ve been feeling better since i stopped overthinking. i used to workout all the time, and that really helps me. i told her that a while ago, my therapist said to see if working out on a consistent basis still helps me, and if not then i should try medication. i told the therapist this is what worked for me in the past so i was going to get back on a workout schedule. when i told my friend this she said that is horrible that my therapist said that to me because “working out doesn’t cure mental illness.” i told her that it helps tremendously when you try, but it doesn’t cure everything. i told her that mental illness is a reason but not an excuse to improve your health and life. she is constantly depressed that it’s a major topic of conversation, in public she always said she’s anxious despite therapy and medication. i told her “try going on walks, you live right by a bike path, i think just five minutes a day could help a lot.” and then she goes on to explain that people have been murdered (?) on that bike path and that she has “never been an exercise person.” i feel bad for even mentioning this. the denial is just so frustrating. every time i say “oh hey, i went hiking today.” it’s pure negativity and “i hate hiking and walking.” like good for you? she is incredibly overweight and she’s a good friend, but i truly think she would feel so much more confident and happier if she tried. i don’t think working out is a cure, but it’s good to start eating healthier for the sake of your body and mind. i know it’s not my decision what she wants to do with her life but am i an asshole for what i said?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c26qb3/aita_my_friend_is_incredibly_overweight_and/	2019-06-18 19:35:34	nta. a healthy diet and exercise do wonders for the body and mind. she's toxic and she's trying to bring you down to her level. nta at all.	nah - you're trying to be a good friend	nah- you are genuinely trying to help her and she’s probably just feeling a little uncomfortable because her weight may be a sensitive subject. hopefully she takes what you say to heart, because exercise does help tremendously.	nah your side makes sense, i think there is just a misunderstanding between both of you. she thinks that you’re trying to say workouts cure all depression, which it doesn’t. but you’re not trying to say that. i think anyone saying you’re the asshole isn’t getting your point.	nah - but don't bring it up repeatedly. you've already told her it helped you and you think she should try it out. leave it at that, if she asks for advice go from there.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NAH	NAH	NAH	NAH	null	null	null	null	null	0.032	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i suffer from depression as well, i also do therapy from time to time, but i’ve been feeling better since i stopped overthinking. i used to workout all the time, and that really helps me. i told her that a while ago, my therapist said to see if working out on a consistent basis still helps me, and if not then i should try medication. i told the therapist this is what worked for me in the past so i was going to get back on a workout schedule. when i told my friend this she said that is horrible that my therapist said that to me because “working out doesn’t cure mental illness.” i told her that it helps tremendously when you try, but it doesn’t cure everything. i told her that mental illness is a reason but not an excuse to improve your health and life. she is constantly depressed that it’s a major topic of conversation, in public she always said she’s anxious despite therapy and medication. i told her “try going on walks, you live right by a bike path, i think just five minutes a day could help a lot.” and then she goes on to explain that people have been murdered (?) on that bike path and that she has “never been an exercise person.” i feel bad for even mentioning this. the denial is just so frustrating. every time i say “oh hey, i went hiking today.” it’s pure negativity and “i hate hiking and walking.” like good for you? she is incredibly overweight and she’s a good friend, but i truly think she would feel so much more confident and happier if she tried. i don’t think working out is a cure, but it’s good to start eating healthier for the sake of your body and mind. i know it’s not my decision what she wants to do with her life but am i an asshole for what i said?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i suffer from depression as well, i also do therapy from time to time, but i’ve been feeling better since i stopped overthinking. i used to workout all the time, and that really helps me. i told her that a while ago, my therapist said to see if working out on a consistent basis still helps me, and if not then i should try medication. i told the therapist this is what worked for me in the past so i was going to get back on a workout schedule. when i told my friend this she said that is horrible that my therapist said that to me because “working out doesn’t cure mental illness.” i told her that it helps tremendously when you try, but it doesn’t cure everything. i told her that mental illness is a reason but not an excuse to improve your health and life. she is constantly depressed that it’s a major topic of conversation, in public she always said she’s anxious despite therapy and medication. i told her “try going on walks, you live right by a bike path, i think just five minutes a day could help a lot.” and then she goes on to explain that people have been murdered (?) on that bike path and that she has “never been an exercise person.” i feel bad for even mentioning this. the denial is just so frustrating. every time i say “oh hey, i went hiking today.” it’s pure negativity and “i hate hiking and walking.” like good for you? she is incredibly overweight and she’s a good friend, but i truly think she would feel so much more confident and happier if she tried. i don’t think working out is a cure, but it’s good to start eating healthier for the sake of your body and mind. i know it’s not my decision what she wants to do with her life but am i an asshole for what i said? [/INST] nta. a healthy diet and exercise do wonders for the body and mind. she's toxic and she's trying to bring you down to her level. nta at all. </s>
AITA for buying a dress my friend liked?	so my (21f) friend casey (20f) recently opened up her own boutique. super proud of her, the clothes are adorable, she’s in an amazing location and business seems to be going well for her thus far. it also helps that me and our mutual friend stephanie (21f) frequently visit the shop both together and separately. i often visit the shop because it’s next to a cafe that i frequent quite a lot as i like to stop in, say hi, and check out any new arrivals. a couple days before stephanie told me how there was a dress that she thought was gorgeous and casey messaged her saying that she thought that she would like it, but didn’t show me a pic of the dress i’d describe it in any ways. well, when i went in two days ago, i saw a dress, loved it, it was so sexy and fit me perfectly, so i bought it and a crop top thinking nothing of it, but just super happy to have gotten the dress. the next day, however, i got a snap chat video from stephanie in which she told me how upset she was that i went and bought the dress and a top she also thought was cute. i told her that there was no way in knowing that i bought the dress she wanted and she didn’t even know about the tops existence so i don’t understand why she’s upset about it. i told her that she can still buy both but she got super mad at me and said she “doesn’t want to wear something that would make her look less curvey in comparison.” now i admit that i’m definitely more of an hourglass shape than her but she is such a beautiful girl too i don’t understand why she is comparing herself to me at all. last night we hung out with each other and another mutual friend as well as her boyfriend. she brought the topic up again and said that we should just being going to that store together so that i can’t just buy the clothes that she likes. in her words i bought her dress. she started saying that we should flip a coin for any future cloth items. i outright refused because that’s completely ridiculous. if i see something that i like and that i really want i’m going to get it. unlike her though i don’t have a problem if she chooses to get the same clothing item. heck! i think she would look amazing in them! but she won’t have any of it. one of our friends is siding with her stating that it’s unfair but another of our friends agree with me stating that this whole thing is stupid to be upset about. so aita?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oq4qj4/aita_for_buying_a_dress_my_friend_liked/	2021-07-23 15:28:00	nta i would state that your supporting your friends shop and buy clothes that appeal to you, and it's not in the small buisnesses best intrest from your friend to call dibs on outfits and try to get others not to buy them.	nta, she sounds exhausting	nta lmao. she's mad that you bought clothing that she never described to you and can also buy on her own? not to mention she wants to make sure you never buy the same outfits thay she wears? why does she care so much about what you wear?	nta. the coin flip is for when you both want to wear it to the same event	nta, this post makes me miss the old days where me and my highschool best friend would buy the same outfit together and rock it.	nta that dress isn’t “hers”. your friend is the ah for trying to guilt you abs set unreasonable expectations to get what she wants. what happens if you did go together and flip a coin and you won? would she pitch a fit still? what if you go to the mall to gap or zara and buy something and she buys the same thing online? it’s great that you want to support your friend and don’t let anyone else guilt you about what you buy	nta, show your friend a picture of the solar system. that way she'll understand she isn't the center of the universe.	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my (21f) friend casey (20f) recently opened up her own boutique. super proud of her, the clothes are adorable, she’s in an amazing location and business seems to be going well for her thus far. it also helps that me and our mutual friend stephanie (21f) frequently visit the shop both together and separately. i often visit the shop because it’s next to a cafe that i frequent quite a lot as i like to stop in, say hi, and check out any new arrivals. a couple days before stephanie told me how there was a dress that she thought was gorgeous and casey messaged her saying that she thought that she would like it, but didn’t show me a pic of the dress i’d describe it in any ways. well, when i went in two days ago, i saw a dress, loved it, it was so sexy and fit me perfectly, so i bought it and a crop top thinking nothing of it, but just super happy to have gotten the dress. the next day, however, i got a snap chat video from stephanie in which she told me how upset she was that i went and bought the dress and a top she also thought was cute. i told her that there was no way in knowing that i bought the dress she wanted and she didn’t even know about the tops existence so i don’t understand why she’s upset about it. i told her that she can still buy both but she got super mad at me and said she “doesn’t want to wear something that would make her look less curvey in comparison.” now i admit that i’m definitely more of an hourglass shape than her but she is such a beautiful girl too i don’t understand why she is comparing herself to me at all. last night we hung out with each other and another mutual friend as well as her boyfriend. she brought the topic up again and said that we should just being going to that store together so that i can’t just buy the clothes that she likes. in her words i bought her dress. she started saying that we should flip a coin for any future cloth items. i outright refused because that’s completely ridiculous. if i see something that i like and that i really want i’m going to get it. unlike her though i don’t have a problem if she chooses to get the same clothing item. heck! i think she would look amazing in them! but she won’t have any of it. one of our friends is siding with her stating that it’s unfair but another of our friends agree with me stating that this whole thing is stupid to be upset about. so aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so my (21f) friend casey (20f) recently opened up her own boutique. super proud of her, the clothes are adorable, she’s in an amazing location and business seems to be going well for her thus far. it also helps that me and our mutual friend stephanie (21f) frequently visit the shop both together and separately. i often visit the shop because it’s next to a cafe that i frequent quite a lot as i like to stop in, say hi, and check out any new arrivals. a couple days before stephanie told me how there was a dress that she thought was gorgeous and casey messaged her saying that she thought that she would like it, but didn’t show me a pic of the dress i’d describe it in any ways. well, when i went in two days ago, i saw a dress, loved it, it was so sexy and fit me perfectly, so i bought it and a crop top thinking nothing of it, but just super happy to have gotten the dress. the next day, however, i got a snap chat video from stephanie in which she told me how upset she was that i went and bought the dress and a top she also thought was cute. i told her that there was no way in knowing that i bought the dress she wanted and she didn’t even know about the tops existence so i don’t understand why she’s upset about it. i told her that she can still buy both but she got super mad at me and said she “doesn’t want to wear something that would make her look less curvey in comparison.” now i admit that i’m definitely more of an hourglass shape than her but she is such a beautiful girl too i don’t understand why she is comparing herself to me at all. last night we hung out with each other and another mutual friend as well as her boyfriend. she brought the topic up again and said that we should just being going to that store together so that i can’t just buy the clothes that she likes. in her words i bought her dress. she started saying that we should flip a coin for any future cloth items. i outright refused because that’s completely ridiculous. if i see something that i like and that i really want i’m going to get it. unlike her though i don’t have a problem if she chooses to get the same clothing item. heck! i think she would look amazing in them! but she won’t have any of it. one of our friends is siding with her stating that it’s unfair but another of our friends agree with me stating that this whole thing is stupid to be upset about. so aita? [/INST] nta i would state that your supporting your friends shop and buy clothes that appeal to you, and it's not in the small buisnesses best intrest from your friend to call dibs on outfits and try to get others not to buy them. </s>
AITA for getting upset that my hairdresser butchered my hair cut?	i (16 non-binary) wanted to cut my hair yesterday. it was growing to a weird length and just didn’t look good. i wanted to try a new type of bangs so i had the photo of the bangs i wanted and a photo of how i wanted the back. so when i get there the hairdressers are all arguing over who would do me which made me kinda uncomfortable. so i wanted to wait for the hairdresser who was supposed to take me, she had dyed hair and an undercut so in my past experiences i think she would understand what i wanted easily. so instead this other lady comes and starts trying to say my mom needs hair coloring and trying to take her. my mom was against that so she said it was just me. she then is like alright i’ll just do you instead, i was like oh no it’s fine i’ll wait. she got a little angry and was said “no i’ll do you”. i’m not a people person so i gave up and just went with her. the whole experience before she cut my hair was slightly uncomfortable especially her saying to someone else who worked there. “my next appointment isn’t for a while do you think i can do this” while laughing. so at this point i had my pictures ready to show her. i explained very exactly what i wanted, and she said she was confused and asked if i could find a better picture which i did. so i explain what i wanted again and she was like no i don’t understand. so i try again and she’s like what ear length do you want. i found this odd since i personally never heard the term and asked what it was and she didn’t answer she just asked again and i asked how short a length would turn out. she didn’t answer. she just cut it. at that point i started panicking cause no you don’t understand what i wanted but she wouldn’t stop. at the end i accepted it would look terrible which it is, and she butchered my bangs as well which was the one part i really wanted. the cherry on top is after she finished she was like you don’t have curly hair right. which the thing is, i do have curly hair, very very curly hair. now the part where i may be the asshole is when i got out of the store with my mom i started panicking, i have very very specific needs and comforts one of those is being able to play with my hair sorta and shake it but i currently can’t do. i then complained to both the store very harshly about the stylist and i’m planning on following up, i also complained to corporate and feel really bad so am i the asshole?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/td5toj/aita_for_getting_upset_that_my_hairdresser/	2022-03-13 12:22:10	nta. she sounds like a terrible stylist with a lack of customer service skills. she clearly didn’t respect you saying no i’ll wait, her comments and remarks were unprofessional, and, while hair does grow back, it doesn’t grow back overnight so a butchered hair style is not exactly fun for anyone.	so let me get this straight. * you didn't get the stylist you were waiting for * your stylist got angry at you * you explained exactly what you wanted, and even gave pictures * she completely butchered your hair op, you have every right to complain and file complaints.	nta. that was very rude and unprofessional of her, and you ended up with a haircut you didn't want.	nta you actually tried to talk to her but she did what she wanted to do without listening to what you want	nta she didn’t listen to you and it sounds like she was pretty aggressive. she should not be doing hair.	nta. you provided pictures and expressed what you wanted and they didn’t want to put in the time to listen, or really explain the questions they were asking you. hair is a security blanket for a lot of people, including myself. freaking out about a bad haircut isn’t something you should feel bad about, mostly with how unprofessional the whole situation was. i think in the future you should do more research and try to find a local stylist who specializes in the type of cut you want, give someone who deserves your money your change, and will leave you happy and refreshed, not insecure.	nta if she didn’t understand she should have been professional enough to say “hey i don’t know how to do this and don’t want to mess up your beautiful hair, you were right let’s wait/reschedule for the stylist you wanted who knows how to do this”. she thought because you are young she could push you around and still get paid, and as someone who is genderfluid i wonder if there was transphobia at play too.	null	null	null	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (16 non-binary) wanted to cut my hair yesterday. it was growing to a weird length and just didn’t look good. i wanted to try a new type of bangs so i had the photo of the bangs i wanted and a photo of how i wanted the back. so when i get there the hairdressers are all arguing over who would do me which made me kinda uncomfortable. so i wanted to wait for the hairdresser who was supposed to take me, she had dyed hair and an undercut so in my past experiences i think she would understand what i wanted easily. so instead this other lady comes and starts trying to say my mom needs hair coloring and trying to take her. my mom was against that so she said it was just me. she then is like alright i’ll just do you instead, i was like oh no it’s fine i’ll wait. she got a little angry and was said “no i’ll do you”. i’m not a people person so i gave up and just went with her. the whole experience before she cut my hair was slightly uncomfortable especially her saying to someone else who worked there. “my next appointment isn’t for a while do you think i can do this” while laughing. so at this point i had my pictures ready to show her. i explained very exactly what i wanted, and she said she was confused and asked if i could find a better picture which i did. so i explain what i wanted again and she was like no i don’t understand. so i try again and she’s like what ear length do you want. i found this odd since i personally never heard the term and asked what it was and she didn’t answer she just asked again and i asked how short a length would turn out. she didn’t answer. she just cut it. at that point i started panicking cause no you don’t understand what i wanted but she wouldn’t stop. at the end i accepted it would look terrible which it is, and she butchered my bangs as well which was the one part i really wanted. the cherry on top is after she finished she was like you don’t have curly hair right. which the thing is, i do have curly hair, very very curly hair. now the part where i may be the asshole is when i got out of the store with my mom i started panicking, i have very very specific needs and comforts one of those is being able to play with my hair sorta and shake it but i currently can’t do. i then complained to both the store very harshly about the stylist and i’m planning on following up, i also complained to corporate and feel really bad so am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (16 non-binary) wanted to cut my hair yesterday. it was growing to a weird length and just didn’t look good. i wanted to try a new type of bangs so i had the photo of the bangs i wanted and a photo of how i wanted the back. so when i get there the hairdressers are all arguing over who would do me which made me kinda uncomfortable. so i wanted to wait for the hairdresser who was supposed to take me, she had dyed hair and an undercut so in my past experiences i think she would understand what i wanted easily. so instead this other lady comes and starts trying to say my mom needs hair coloring and trying to take her. my mom was against that so she said it was just me. she then is like alright i’ll just do you instead, i was like oh no it’s fine i’ll wait. she got a little angry and was said “no i’ll do you”. i’m not a people person so i gave up and just went with her. the whole experience before she cut my hair was slightly uncomfortable especially her saying to someone else who worked there. “my next appointment isn’t for a while do you think i can do this” while laughing. so at this point i had my pictures ready to show her. i explained very exactly what i wanted, and she said she was confused and asked if i could find a better picture which i did. so i explain what i wanted again and she was like no i don’t understand. so i try again and she’s like what ear length do you want. i found this odd since i personally never heard the term and asked what it was and she didn’t answer she just asked again and i asked how short a length would turn out. she didn’t answer. she just cut it. at that point i started panicking cause no you don’t understand what i wanted but she wouldn’t stop. at the end i accepted it would look terrible which it is, and she butchered my bangs as well which was the one part i really wanted. the cherry on top is after she finished she was like you don’t have curly hair right. which the thing is, i do have curly hair, very very curly hair. now the part where i may be the asshole is when i got out of the store with my mom i started panicking, i have very very specific needs and comforts one of those is being able to play with my hair sorta and shake it but i currently can’t do. i then complained to both the store very harshly about the stylist and i’m planning on following up, i also complained to corporate and feel really bad so am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. she sounds like a terrible stylist with a lack of customer service skills. she clearly didn’t respect you saying no i’ll wait, her comments and remarks were unprofessional, and, while hair does grow back, it doesn’t grow back overnight so a butchered hair style is not exactly fun for anyone. </s>
AITA for not wanting to give my niece my baby clothes?	when i was a baby my grandmother used to hand sew me a birthday dress every year, and a matching one for my favourite doll. the dresses were beautifully smocked and must have taken weeks to sew. it was a bit of a tradition. i’ve been keeping these dresses (left with my mother in my childhood home) for the last 30 odd years thinking that one day i’ll pass them down to my own daughter. well today is my nieces first birthday and my mom sends me a picture of niece in my dress that i was keeping. i’m fuming! my mom doesn’t think it’s a big deal and refuses to apologise for giving it to her. she says she’ll get the dress back when my niece outgrows it. but i can’t help think that the dress will be torn or stained , and also it’s my dress that i’ve been keeping for my own child and i don’t want my niece to wear it. aita?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gx5bv9/aita_for_not_wanting_to_give_my_niece_my_baby/	2020-06-05 14:12:52	nta, your mum should have asked - it's your property! can you explain the situation to your niece's parents? if they're reasonable people then they will understand the sentimentality behind the dress. in the meantime, get the rest of the dresses from your mum's house before she can give any more away!	nta!!! your mother gave away your property. go get the rest of the dresses from her house so she doesn’t have access to give any more away and so your mom doesn’t have to get stuck storing your stuff.	nta, incredibly rude of your mother to give your belongings to your niece. i hope you can get the dress back in a civil manner.	yta, only because i think most people operate under the assumption that all baby’s clothes belong to the parents until the baby can express an opinion on what he wants to wear? never occurred to me to ask my son when i give away 12 month clothes. in this situation it sounds like even if they were hers at one point, your mom has effectively given them to you, as she is the one that saved them and put them away for you when you were too young to do so yourself. if you don’t want her touching them take them with you. you have your mom to thank that they’re even saved for you at all.	yta what is it with adults using their parents' homes as storage lockers then getting upset when mom or dad decides to make use of what is there. if these dresses were so important to 30+-year old you, why aren't they with you? how was your mom supposed to know that you considered them exclusively yours (remember, your niece is a ggdaughter of the woman who made them). let this go and find somewhere else to store your keepsakes.	yta i can't imagine having something so valuable in sentiment and not having it with me. you're actually made that your mom gave away clothes that her own mother made for her kids? wow. sounds very entitled. your mad at your mom for doing the same thing your grandma did. your mom gave clothing to her own grandchild. are you forgetting that your mom has sentimental value in those clothes too or are you so caught up in being mad? i agree with other commentors in that your very selfish.	nah. did you tell your mother your reasons for not giving the dress to your niece? also, recommend you remove those belongings from your mother's house. i understand your strong attachment; but i can also see why your mother didn't get it.	info: how old are you? how long has it been since you’ve moved out and lived a nomadic lifestyle? do you have plans to settle down more permanently in the near future? do you want kids? and if so, is it a feasibility in the near future? it seems like the better response would be to share with your niece and just explain to your mom and brother that you love that she gets an opportunity to wear them, but to please be careful with them and not wear them to play or eat. if you aren’t in a position to be having kids within a year, then by the time you have kids of your own she will have long outgrown them anyway.	yta. instead of letting them just sit in your mothers house they’re actually getting used. i think your grandmother would want to see her great granddaughter wear the dresses she made. what good are they just collecting dust on the off chance you might have a daughter?	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	INFO	YTA	null	0.799037	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: when i was a baby my grandmother used to hand sew me a birthday dress every year, and a matching one for my favourite doll. the dresses were beautifully smocked and must have taken weeks to sew. it was a bit of a tradition. i’ve been keeping these dresses (left with my mother in my childhood home) for the last 30 odd years thinking that one day i’ll pass them down to my own daughter. well today is my nieces first birthday and my mom sends me a picture of niece in my dress that i was keeping. i’m fuming! my mom doesn’t think it’s a big deal and refuses to apologise for giving it to her. she says she’ll get the dress back when my niece outgrows it. but i can’t help think that the dress will be torn or stained , and also it’s my dress that i’ve been keeping for my own child and i don’t want my niece to wear it. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> when i was a baby my grandmother used to hand sew me a birthday dress every year, and a matching one for my favourite doll. the dresses were beautifully smocked and must have taken weeks to sew. it was a bit of a tradition. i’ve been keeping these dresses (left with my mother in my childhood home) for the last 30 odd years thinking that one day i’ll pass them down to my own daughter. well today is my nieces first birthday and my mom sends me a picture of niece in my dress that i was keeping. i’m fuming! my mom doesn’t think it’s a big deal and refuses to apologise for giving it to her. she says she’ll get the dress back when my niece outgrows it. but i can’t help think that the dress will be torn or stained , and also it’s my dress that i’ve been keeping for my own child and i don’t want my niece to wear it. aita? [/INST] nta, your mum should have asked - it's your property! can you explain the situation to your niece's parents? if they're reasonable people then they will understand the sentimentality behind the dress. in the meantime, get the rest of the dresses from your mum's house before she can give any more away! </s>
WIBTA if I told my mom that my step dad told me he might leave her?	my parents have been together for 12 and a half years now. they were that couple that had one big fight maybe once a year. lately they've been fighting practically constantly. my mom says it's because dad is mean and everything he says to her is mean or demeaning and it starts many fights between them. my dad isn't a real big talker, at least not about this to me, so i don't know where he stands about why they fight. the reason he said this to me, however, is because of how wildly irresponsible my mom has been lately. my mom (f39) went out to a bar to meet my sister (f22) and came home without her phone, car, purse, keys, nothing. i'm not even entirely sure how she got to the house to be entirely honest. and she was so drunk that i walked into the kitchen and said something to her four times and she didn't respond until she tried to pass me and touched me and then acted scared like i snuck up on her even though she had looked directly at me more than once. after this, i was finally able to get her to go to bed. my dad is an early riser and has a tendency to wake me up. which is what happened again. so he asks me if i have her purse. i say no, she came home without it and wouldn't tell me where it was. my mom takes a multitude of medications for a multitude of very viable reasons. but i believe she took them all to the bar with her, including some controlled substances. and we have no idea where they are now. this is also nowhere near the first time she has suddenly just gone out with my older sister and come home drunk like this. it is the first time she's come home without anything she left with so wibta if i told her he might leave her if she doesn't get her act together and not act like she's 22 just because my sister is 22?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jfxvz4/wibta_if_i_told_my_mom_that_my_step_dad_told_me/	2020-10-22 11:33:01	nta but you should stay out of this. this is between your parents, not you. it’s not your responsibility to tell your mom how to behave. sorry you’re in this situation, op.	i’d keep that to myself. it’s not really your place or business to say it. it’s really between them and they need to behave like adults, and work on their relationship or end it if they can’t make it work.	info: how old are you? what did he actually say? maybe i missed it, but i didn’t see anything about him saying he was going to leave. is your mom an alcoholic? outside of her feeling your father is mean and her getting drunk with your sister (who is of legal age) why are you and your father already at your wits end? was there any proof she mixed drug+booze?	i think ywbta. keep out if it. it sounds like your dad is putting up with a lot from your mum and your mum is behaving like an acting out adolescent. do not get involved in their personal relationship. it will cause you nothing but trouble.	null	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	null	INFO	YTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	0.816497	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my parents have been together for 12 and a half years now. they were that couple that had one big fight maybe once a year. lately they've been fighting practically constantly. my mom says it's because dad is mean and everything he says to her is mean or demeaning and it starts many fights between them. my dad isn't a real big talker, at least not about this to me, so i don't know where he stands about why they fight. the reason he said this to me, however, is because of how wildly irresponsible my mom has been lately. my mom (f39) went out to a bar to meet my sister (f22) and came home without her phone, car, purse, keys, nothing. i'm not even entirely sure how she got to the house to be entirely honest. and she was so drunk that i walked into the kitchen and said something to her four times and she didn't respond until she tried to pass me and touched me and then acted scared like i snuck up on her even though she had looked directly at me more than once. after this, i was finally able to get her to go to bed. my dad is an early riser and has a tendency to wake me up. which is what happened again. so he asks me if i have her purse. i say no, she came home without it and wouldn't tell me where it was. my mom takes a multitude of medications for a multitude of very viable reasons. but i believe she took them all to the bar with her, including some controlled substances. and we have no idea where they are now. this is also nowhere near the first time she has suddenly just gone out with my older sister and come home drunk like this. it is the first time she's come home without anything she left with so wibta if i told her he might leave her if she doesn't get her act together and not act like she's 22 just because my sister is 22?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my parents have been together for 12 and a half years now. they were that couple that had one big fight maybe once a year. lately they've been fighting practically constantly. my mom says it's because dad is mean and everything he says to her is mean or demeaning and it starts many fights between them. my dad isn't a real big talker, at least not about this to me, so i don't know where he stands about why they fight. the reason he said this to me, however, is because of how wildly irresponsible my mom has been lately. my mom (f39) went out to a bar to meet my sister (f22) and came home without her phone, car, purse, keys, nothing. i'm not even entirely sure how she got to the house to be entirely honest. and she was so drunk that i walked into the kitchen and said something to her four times and she didn't respond until she tried to pass me and touched me and then acted scared like i snuck up on her even though she had looked directly at me more than once. after this, i was finally able to get her to go to bed. my dad is an early riser and has a tendency to wake me up. which is what happened again. so he asks me if i have her purse. i say no, she came home without it and wouldn't tell me where it was. my mom takes a multitude of medications for a multitude of very viable reasons. but i believe she took them all to the bar with her, including some controlled substances. and we have no idea where they are now. this is also nowhere near the first time she has suddenly just gone out with my older sister and come home drunk like this. it is the first time she's come home without anything she left with so wibta if i told her he might leave her if she doesn't get her act together and not act like she's 22 just because my sister is 22? [/INST] nta but you should stay out of this. this is between your parents, not you. it’s not your responsibility to tell your mom how to behave. sorry you’re in this situation, op. </s>
AITA For not telling my ex the days he can have my daughter.	i (28f) left my husband (31m) in march of 2019. we have a 7 year old daughter together. i filed for divorce in 2019 but due to covid in 2020 it got pushed back then discharged into mediation. i was unable to pay for mediation as it was about $100.00 an hour. long story short he refiled in august of 2021 after trying to keep my daughter from me, because his now girlfriend and him were fighting. ( i believe she thought i was fucking him still) he also believes that because i left, he should not have to pay 1 penny of child support( since leaving i’ve got a full time job, my own place and my own car. been at the same job since july of 2019. well 1 week in august he/girlfriend called the cops 3 times due to pick up issues and legit yelling and pushing me in front of our daughter. i have my daughter 90% of the time. pay all finances for her, school supplies, clothes, pay all health insurance benefits…etc he is supposed to pay child support but goes from job to job once ors “finds him”. due to him acting crazy in august of 2021, i went and got a lawyer. i filed for temporary custody and end up getting everything in my favor because he didnt even show!! i got full physical and sole custody and he only got parental visitation time, which state minimum is every other weekend and 2 hours a week day. this is where my question comes in. am i the asshole because i did not tell him he can have her the 2 hours a week day, which are wednesdays. he got all the paper work sent to him by my lawyer and even had 7 days to objected even tho he didn’t show up for court. also he is still fighting me on the “divorce “ part. he won’t sign any paper work and ignores all calls,texts,or emails from me or my lawyer.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ssvkd2/aita_for_not_telling_my_ex_the_days_he_can_have/	2022-02-15 05:37:29	nta, someone did tell him when he can visit, that someone being the lawyer who served the papers, but since he won’t respond to or sign anything to try and move the process along he’s kinda screwed himself. the fact he didn’t show up to the one goddamned important event to try and have any visitation rights at all is pretty telling he doesn’t have much interest in even attempting to help raise your daughter.	nta - he’s an adult and i assume he can read. it’s his job to know when he’s supposed to see his daughter.	nta- the paperwork sent to him states the day and allotted time for his visits. it is not your responsibility to chase him down or tell him when he has the information right in front of him. if he chooses to miss his visits that is not your fault. you are doing an amazing job as a single mom raising your daughter, she is so lucky to have you and all your strength.	nta. if he wants to see her he has your number and can call to arrange the time and day. and he can fucking pony up child support while he’s at it.	nta - if he can read and actually cares he will figure it out. if not he should speak with his own attorney again if he actually cares about his daughter instead of scoring points.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (28f) left my husband (31m) in march of 2019. we have a 7 year old daughter together. i filed for divorce in 2019 but due to covid in 2020 it got pushed back then discharged into mediation. i was unable to pay for mediation as it was about $100.00 an hour. long story short he refiled in august of 2021 after trying to keep my daughter from me, because his now girlfriend and him were fighting. ( i believe she thought i was fucking him still) he also believes that because i left, he should not have to pay 1 penny of child support( since leaving i’ve got a full time job, my own place and my own car. been at the same job since july of 2019. well 1 week in august he/girlfriend called the cops 3 times due to pick up issues and legit yelling and pushing me in front of our daughter. i have my daughter 90% of the time. pay all finances for her, school supplies, clothes, pay all health insurance benefits…etc he is supposed to pay child support but goes from job to job once ors “finds him”. due to him acting crazy in august of 2021, i went and got a lawyer. i filed for temporary custody and end up getting everything in my favor because he didnt even show!! i got full physical and sole custody and he only got parental visitation time, which state minimum is every other weekend and 2 hours a week day. this is where my question comes in. am i the asshole because i did not tell him he can have her the 2 hours a week day, which are wednesdays. he got all the paper work sent to him by my lawyer and even had 7 days to objected even tho he didn’t show up for court. also he is still fighting me on the “divorce “ part. he won’t sign any paper work and ignores all calls,texts,or emails from me or my lawyer.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (28f) left my husband (31m) in march of 2019. we have a 7 year old daughter together. i filed for divorce in 2019 but due to covid in 2020 it got pushed back then discharged into mediation. i was unable to pay for mediation as it was about $100.00 an hour. long story short he refiled in august of 2021 after trying to keep my daughter from me, because his now girlfriend and him were fighting. ( i believe she thought i was fucking him still) he also believes that because i left, he should not have to pay 1 penny of child support( since leaving i’ve got a full time job, my own place and my own car. been at the same job since july of 2019. well 1 week in august he/girlfriend called the cops 3 times due to pick up issues and legit yelling and pushing me in front of our daughter. i have my daughter 90% of the time. pay all finances for her, school supplies, clothes, pay all health insurance benefits…etc he is supposed to pay child support but goes from job to job once ors “finds him”. due to him acting crazy in august of 2021, i went and got a lawyer. i filed for temporary custody and end up getting everything in my favor because he didnt even show!! i got full physical and sole custody and he only got parental visitation time, which state minimum is every other weekend and 2 hours a week day. this is where my question comes in. am i the asshole because i did not tell him he can have her the 2 hours a week day, which are wednesdays. he got all the paper work sent to him by my lawyer and even had 7 days to objected even tho he didn’t show up for court. also he is still fighting me on the “divorce “ part. he won’t sign any paper work and ignores all calls,texts,or emails from me or my lawyer. [/INST] nta, someone did* tell him when he can visit, that someone being the lawyer who served the papers, but since he won’t respond to or sign anything to try and move the process along he’s kinda screwed himself. the fact he didn’t show up to the one goddamned important event to try and have any visitation rights at all is pretty telling he doesn’t have much interest in even attempting to help raise your daughter. </s>
AITA for Holding up the line in the grocery store?	i (29f) went to the grocery store to buy a few items for my household yesterday. i always check the price at the point of sale (i.e cash register) compared to the price that is marked when i pick the item up from the shelve. yesterday, i pick an item up at the shelve on aisle 3 of the store, and it is marked as $4.79. i subsequently place the item in my cart of food. i finish shopping, and next bring all the items to the cashier. the same item rings up at the cash register at $5.29. i decide to complain to the cashier, and allow them to know of the error. when, i normally do this most cashiers will apologize, and put the correct price, and the process takes 30 seconds. this time, the cashier says please prove it. i told her that it was on aisle 3, and she refuses to go to the item to check. she says, "ma'am, we are talking about fifty cents." i decide to refuse to move until she corrects the error. subsequently, a supervisor is called over to help alleviate the incident, and she goes to check, and of course i am correct. the cashier subsequently says to me, "thanks for be an asshole, and holding the line up for fifteen minutes." i called my parents, and they told me that i was correct, and that the mistake is about principals, and not about the money. they reassured me that i did the right thing. my husband disagreed, and said that if a person is paid $16 dollars an hour, then his time is worth $4.00 for 15 minutes. i wasted 15 minutes for fifty cents was not a good return on investment. i told him it is about the principal, and not about the money, but he disagreed. aita for telling the cashier that she was wrong about the price, and needed to fix it?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sv1pq6/aita_for_holding_up_the_line_in_the_grocery_store/	2022-02-17 22:48:10	nta. where i shop, if the item is charged more at the register than what is stated on the shelf, customer gets that item for free. also, here in australia, it's against the law to charge more than what is stated on the shelf. but errors happen, but this cashier was throwing her weight around, which she shouldn't have.	nta - the cashier should be fired for calling a customer an ah for something that the customer was right about. unacceptable for a customer service professional.	given your post history u/nighttrain915, yta. https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/s8wfli/aita_for_not_paying_daycare_because_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb	nta. the principle here is that stores often mismark their products. sometimes that's just an innocent mistake--literally someone typed something in somewhere wrong, or forgot to take a sale sign down after the discount period is over. sometimes it's more like casual negligence -- if the price doesn't ring up right, oops, but we're not going to be diligent to make sure we make price changes. sometimes it's deliberate scamming. we'll put a different price on the shelf, not make the change, and when the customers get to the checkout, they'll think "oh it's only 50 cents, so it's not a big deal." do that over 10,000 transactions and that's an extra $5k in the store's pocket. and maybe that's a product that they wouldn't have sold but for the discounted price. you absolutely have the right to hold the store accountable for their pricing errors. and the cashier was ta for accusing you of holding up the line. it was the store that held up the line, either by mismarking the price, or by not believing you that the price was mismarked. (yeah, if i were behind you in line, i'd be annoyed too. but i wouldn't be annoyed at you.)	esh. the cashier is rude as hell but i'd 100% have given you a dollar to just go the fuck away had i been behind you in line. i hope $0.50 was worth 15 minutes of time from everyone behind you.	so, you kept a $1000 book sold by mistake, you won't pay your daycare bill, even though your contract says you should, and you held up the line over fifty cents. yta, all the time. you're cheap, your parents are cheap, and you should stop asking mommy and daddy to back you up when you're being cheap.	given your post history u/nighttrain915, i am going with yta. httpss://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/scuw13/aita_for_refusing_to_give_back_a_book_owner_sold/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb	yta, was 50 cents really worth wasting 15 minutes of your life, the cashier’s, the supervisor’s and everyone behind you in line? for your ‘principle’? what is this principle that is so important to you? being a miser? letting a teenager know that you think you’re more important than them and everyone else? a cashier shouldn’t call a customer an asshole, but in this case they were right, and i’m sure everyone behind you thought you were being ridiculous.	null	null	NTA	NTA	YTA	NTA	ESH	YTA	YTA	YTA	null	null	0.61614	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (29f) went to the grocery store to buy a few items for my household yesterday. i always check the price at the point of sale (i.e cash register) compared to the price that is marked when i pick the item up from the shelve. yesterday, i pick an item up at the shelve on aisle 3 of the store, and it is marked as $4.79. i subsequently place the item in my cart of food. i finish shopping, and next bring all the items to the cashier. the same item rings up at the cash register at $5.29. i decide to complain to the cashier, and allow them to know of the error. when, i normally do this most cashiers will apologize, and put the correct price, and the process takes 30 seconds. this time, the cashier says please prove it. i told her that it was on aisle 3, and she refuses to go to the item to check. she says, "ma'am, we are talking about fifty cents." i decide to refuse to move until she corrects the error. subsequently, a supervisor is called over to help alleviate the incident, and she goes to check, and of course i am correct. the cashier subsequently says to me, "thanks for be an asshole, and holding the line up for fifteen minutes." i called my parents, and they told me that i was correct, and that the mistake is about principals, and not about the money. they reassured me that i did the right thing. my husband disagreed, and said that if a person is paid $16 dollars an hour, then his time is worth $4.00 for 15 minutes. i wasted 15 minutes for fifty cents was not a good return on investment. i told him it is about the principal, and not about the money, but he disagreed. aita for telling the cashier that she was wrong about the price, and needed to fix it?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (29f) went to the grocery store to buy a few items for my household yesterday. i always check the price at the point of sale (i.e cash register) compared to the price that is marked when i pick the item up from the shelve. yesterday, i pick an item up at the shelve on aisle 3 of the store, and it is marked as $4.79. i subsequently place the item in my cart of food. i finish shopping, and next bring all the items to the cashier. the same item rings up at the cash register at $5.29. i decide to complain to the cashier, and allow them to know of the error. when, i normally do this most cashiers will apologize, and put the correct price, and the process takes 30 seconds. this time, the cashier says please prove it. i told her that it was on aisle 3, and she refuses to go to the item to check. she says, "ma'am, we are talking about fifty cents." i decide to refuse to move until she corrects the error. subsequently, a supervisor is called over to help alleviate the incident, and she goes to check, and of course i am correct. the cashier subsequently says to me, "thanks for be an asshole, and holding the line up for fifteen minutes." i called my parents, and they told me that i was correct, and that the mistake is about principals, and not about the money. they reassured me that i did the right thing. my husband disagreed, and said that if a person is paid $16 dollars an hour, then his time is worth $4.00 for 15 minutes. i wasted 15 minutes for fifty cents was not a good return on investment. i told him it is about the principal, and not about the money, but he disagreed. aita for telling the cashier that she was wrong about the price, and needed to fix it? [/INST] nta. where i shop, if the item is charged more at the register than what is stated on the shelf, customer gets that item for free. also, here in australia, it's against the law to charge more than what is stated on the shelf. but errors happen, but this cashier was throwing her weight around, which she shouldn't have. </s>
AITA for accidentally mimicking my teacher, then torturing her with my normal voice which she doesn't like when she said something?	i'm 17. i have some bad neurological & psychological problems. i've been diagnosed with various different contradictory things by different doctors, but the important part is that it happened because of a bunch of medical issues to my brain. one area of problems i have is with sound and words. my "natural" voice doesn't really work any more, i have a lot of trouble putting a concept into words then the words into my own voice. it comes out very monotone, choppy, repetitive, and very much so not what my voice used to sound like. it's nails on a chalkboard to me and everyone else, and people have been very enthusiastic to inform me of that. even my sped teacher gets visibly irritated by what's left of my natural voice. i struggle to use proper intonation, it takes me a very long time to get through a sentence, and sometimes i forget how to continue with multisyllable words or multi-word phrases while in the middle of them. that's effected my "natural" singing voice too, and that's effected my mannerisms & personality in general. however, i can actually communicate almost normally if i imitate someone else. bright side, i can do a broad range of accurate normal voice & singing character impressions (both male & female) with little effort. other side, people generally don't like being the one who's being mimicked. i'm currently trying to adapt to that latter problem by combining different voice characteristics & mannerisms to essentially artificially construct both of those. it's been pretty effective for me - my speech therapist knows, my neuropsychologist knows, my regular therapist knows, my pt knows — all very much so approve. it's been a solution literally years in the making, and i've been doing the making. my school doesn't approve though, my special education teacher especially thinks that i'm just looking for problems. i've gotten to the point where i really don't care what the school thinks though. i didn't realize i was mimicking a vocal quirk of my sped teacher, i unconsciously picked it up and added it to my repirtore. on monday she made a very rude comment about me looking for negative attention by mimicking her. i've decided that i'm just going to take up the full amount of time i'm entitled to in there this week, talk as much as i do in my constructed voice, bu try to do only my natural voice. its driving her crazy yesterday and it i haven't even had school for wednesday yet. aita?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/krj8tk/aita_for_accidentally_mimicking_my_teacher_then/	2021-01-06 07:46:12	nta. please go to her and let her know. she will know everything about your individualised education plan and should be open to understanding. if not, go ahead and talk with your folks about setting up a school based team meeting. this is coming from a teacher. goodluck!	most definitely nta! from your sped teacher, of all people!!	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm 17. i have some bad neurological & psychological problems. i've been diagnosed with various different contradictory things by different doctors, but the important part is that it happened because of a bunch of medical issues to my brain. one area of problems i have is with sound and words. my "natural" voice doesn't really work any more, i have a lot of trouble putting a concept into words then the words into my own voice. it comes out very monotone, choppy, repetitive, and very much so not what my voice used to sound like. it's nails on a chalkboard to me and everyone else, and people have been very enthusiastic to inform me of that. even my sped teacher gets visibly irritated by what's left of my natural voice. i struggle to use proper intonation, it takes me a very long time to get through a sentence, and sometimes i forget how to continue with multisyllable words or multi-word phrases while in the middle of them. that's effected my "natural" singing voice too, and that's effected my mannerisms & personality in general. however, i can actually communicate almost normally if i imitate someone else. bright side, i can do a broad range of accurate normal voice & singing character impressions (both male & female) with little effort. other side, people generally don't like being the one who's being mimicked. i'm currently trying to adapt to that latter problem by combining different voice characteristics & mannerisms to essentially artificially construct both of those. it's been pretty effective for me - my speech therapist knows, my neuropsychologist knows, my regular therapist knows, my pt knows — all very much so approve. it's been a solution literally years in the making, and i've been doing the making. my school doesn't approve though, my special education teacher especially thinks that i'm just looking for problems. i've gotten to the point where i really don't care what the school thinks though. i didn't realize i was mimicking a vocal quirk of my sped teacher, i unconsciously picked it up and added it to my repirtore. on monday she made a very rude comment about me looking for negative attention by mimicking her. i've decided that i'm just going to take up the full amount of time i'm entitled to in there this week, talk as much as i do in my constructed voice, bu try to do only my natural voice. its driving her crazy yesterday and it i haven't even had school for wednesday yet. aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm 17. i have some bad neurological & psychological problems. i've been diagnosed with various different contradictory things by different doctors, but the important part is that it happened because of a bunch of medical issues to my brain. one area of problems i have is with sound and words. my "natural" voice doesn't really work any more, i have a lot of trouble putting a concept into words then the words into my own voice. it comes out very monotone, choppy, repetitive, and very much so not what my voice used to sound like. it's nails on a chalkboard to me and everyone else, and people have been very enthusiastic to inform me of that. even my sped teacher gets visibly irritated by what's left of my natural voice. i struggle to use proper intonation, it takes me a very long time to get through a sentence, and sometimes i forget how to continue with multisyllable words or multi-word phrases while in the middle of them. that's effected my "natural" singing voice too, and that's effected my mannerisms & personality in general. however, i can actually communicate almost normally if i imitate someone else. bright side, i can do a broad range of accurate normal voice & singing character impressions (both male & female) with little effort. other side, people generally don't like being the one who's being mimicked. i'm currently trying to adapt to that latter problem by combining different voice characteristics & mannerisms to essentially artificially construct both of those. it's been pretty effective for me - my speech therapist knows, my neuropsychologist knows, my regular therapist knows, my pt knows — all very much so approve. it's been a solution literally years in the making, and i've been doing the making. my school doesn't approve though, my special education teacher especially thinks that i'm just looking for problems. i've gotten to the point where i really don't care what the school thinks though. i didn't realize i was mimicking a vocal quirk of my sped teacher, i unconsciously picked it up and added it to my repirtore. on monday she made a very rude comment about me looking for negative attention by mimicking her. i've decided that i'm just going to take up the full amount of time i'm entitled to in there this week, talk as much as i do in my constructed voice, bu try to do only my natural voice. its driving her crazy yesterday and it i haven't even had school for wednesday yet. aita? [/INST] nta. please go to her and let her know. she will know everything about your individualised education plan and should be open to understanding. if not, go ahead and talk with your folks about setting up a school based team meeting. this is coming from a teacher. goodluck! </s>
AITA for telling my dad I don’t trust his fiancé?	my dad(63m) and i(25f) have never gotten along super well. he was abusive mentally and physically, and at the age of 23 i got diagnosed with bpd, depression, anxiety, cptsd and adhd (i know it’s a lot). i have a daughter(4), and being a single parent it’s been hard, and my dad has been helping. recently he and i have been looking into getting me a house. he drives a semi truck and makes a decent amount of money, and any help from him is usually very very good for me. but i’m the past 2 years he’s decided he’s going to marry a woman in a different country. (we are in the us) they’ve met in person once, he has told me she has told him they will not be having sex at all once they get married, some people are asexual and i get that but something about it seems very off to me, especially considering my dad is in not too great of health and calls me often to discuss plans after his death. back to before- while looking for a house for me he told me once she gets here with her visa, if he helps me with this house, they will be living with me (or me with them more so) and i told him i didn’t want to do that. the whole point of the house was so that i could finally live on my own instead of in an apt with roommates etc. he started screaming about how he is helping me and i should take any help i can get, and i understand what he’s saying, but i don’t feel safe with my father and i don’t trust his fiancé . so i told him that. he proceeded to call me ungrateful and a long string of horrible names . i told him i don’t trust her watching my daughter or being with him, because i’ve never even met this woman and suddenly i’m supposed to trust her with my child and it really doesn’t make sense to me how he could overlook all of these things plus others he’s told me about this woman … with bpd i never really know if it’s my illness talking or me, so…. am i the asshole?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q7dql3/aita_for_telling_my_dad_i_dont_trust_his_fiancé/	2021-10-13 15:34:47	nta. “i don’t feel safe with my father” - that’s all you need to know. you have a child to protect. if “getting you a house” means you have to live with someone you don’t feel safe with (even without the shady fiancée situation), don’t do it. you and your daughter will be better off in a small apartment or with roommates you trust. good luck to you!	nta. he can either help you or not. he’s attempting to help himself. you have a child so it’s unreasonable to expect you child to just move in with a stranger. it’s also weird he told you about the sex deal. not your business and creepy to discuss with your dad.	nta it sounds like your father is getting played for a green card marriage.	nta - but i absolutely would not accept any more money he offers, or let him help you with a house. he will use it against you	nta sounds like your dad is lonely and desperately wants to have love again. its perfectly normal for you to feel the way you're feeling. you don't know her and he barely does. maybe she is an honest person but until you're able to talk to her and get to know her yourself, how are you supposed to know. maybe tell him you'd like to get to know her too if you're supposed to live together and that you're uncomfortable living with someone who is a perfect stranger to you.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my dad(63m) and i(25f) have never gotten along super well. he was abusive mentally and physically, and at the age of 23 i got diagnosed with bpd, depression, anxiety, cptsd and adhd (i know it’s a lot). i have a daughter(4), and being a single parent it’s been hard, and my dad has been helping. recently he and i have been looking into getting me a house. he drives a semi truck and makes a decent amount of money, and any help from him is usually very very good for me. but i’m the past 2 years he’s decided he’s going to marry a woman in a different country. (we are in the us) they’ve met in person once, he has told me she has told him they will not be having sex at all once they get married, some people are asexual and i get that but something about it seems very off to me, especially considering my dad is in not too great of health and calls me often to discuss plans after his death. back to before- while looking for a house for me he told me once she gets here with her visa, if he helps me with this house, they will be living with me (or me with them more so) and i told him i didn’t want to do that. the whole point of the house was so that i could finally live on my own instead of in an apt with roommates etc. he started screaming about how he is helping me and i should take any help i can get, and i understand what he’s saying, but i don’t feel safe with my father and i don’t trust his fiancé . so i told him that. he proceeded to call me ungrateful and a long string of horrible names . i told him i don’t trust her watching my daughter or being with him, because i’ve never even met this woman and suddenly i’m supposed to trust her with my child and it really doesn’t make sense to me how he could overlook all of these things plus others he’s told me about this woman … with bpd i never really know if it’s my illness talking or me, so…. am i the asshole?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my dad(63m) and i(25f) have never gotten along super well. he was abusive mentally and physically, and at the age of 23 i got diagnosed with bpd, depression, anxiety, cptsd and adhd (i know it’s a lot). i have a daughter(4), and being a single parent it’s been hard, and my dad has been helping. recently he and i have been looking into getting me a house. he drives a semi truck and makes a decent amount of money, and any help from him is usually very very good for me. but i’m the past 2 years he’s decided he’s going to marry a woman in a different country. (we are in the us) they’ve met in person once, he has told me she has told him they will not be having sex at all once they get married, some people are asexual and i get that but something about it seems very off to me, especially considering my dad is in not too great of health and calls me often to discuss plans after his death. back to before- while looking for a house for me he told me once she gets here with her visa, if he helps me with this house, they will be living with me (or me with them more so) and i told him i didn’t want to do that. the whole point of the house was so that i could finally live on my own instead of in an apt with roommates etc. he started screaming about how he is helping me and i should take any help i can get, and i understand what he’s saying, but i don’t feel safe with my father and i don’t trust his fiancé . so i told him that. he proceeded to call me ungrateful and a long string of horrible names . i told him i don’t trust her watching my daughter or being with him, because i’ve never even met this woman and suddenly i’m supposed to trust her with my child and it really doesn’t make sense to me how he could overlook all of these things plus others he’s told me about this woman … with bpd i never really know if it’s my illness talking or me, so…. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. “i don’t feel safe with my father” - that’s all you need to know. you have a child to protect. if “getting you a house” means you have to live with someone you don’t feel safe with (even without the shady fiancée situation), don’t do it. you and your daughter will be better off in a small apartment or with roommates you trust. good luck to you! </s>
WIBTA If I asked my dad to give me my car back, or pay me for it?	i bought a new car in june of this year and was in the process of selling my old one when my dads car broke down. i told him he could borrow my car until his got fixed, thinking it would be a few weeks. it’s been six months. wibta if i asked him to give it back? or at least pay me for it and transfer everything into his name (title, insurance etc?). i don’t want a lot of money for it, i’d be happy to get $500 for it honestly, i had it up for sale for $1,000 and kelley blue book has it priced at $1,700. i don’t want to put my dad in a bad situation but this feels really excessive, in six months he hasn’t had a weekend to fix his truck? i feel like he’s taking advantage of me.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e73edf/wibta_if_i_asked_my_dad_to_give_me_my_car_back_or/	2019-12-06 19:38:54	nta your asking price seems reasonable, and he is costing you money.	nta - he asked to borrow your vehicle. and has had it for an extended amount of time. doesn’t matter that he is your father. tell him to either give up the car or buy it for $500.	nta. just make sure you do it tactfully.	i mean, if it was me, i'd tell him it was his christmas, birthday and father's day present and write it off.	null	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i bought a new car in june of this year and was in the process of selling my old one when my dads car broke down. i told him he could borrow my car until his got fixed, thinking it would be a few weeks. it’s been six months. wibta if i asked him to give it back? or at least pay me for it and transfer everything into his name (title, insurance etc?). i don’t want a lot of money for it, i’d be happy to get $500 for it honestly, i had it up for sale for $1,000 and kelley blue book has it priced at $1,700. i don’t want to put my dad in a bad situation but this feels really excessive, in six months he hasn’t had a weekend to fix his truck? i feel like he’s taking advantage of me.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i bought a new car in june of this year and was in the process of selling my old one when my dads car broke down. i told him he could borrow my car until his got fixed, thinking it would be a few weeks. it’s been six months. wibta if i asked him to give it back? or at least pay me for it and transfer everything into his name (title, insurance etc?). i don’t want a lot of money for it, i’d be happy to get $500 for it honestly, i had it up for sale for $1,000 and kelley blue book has it priced at $1,700. i don’t want to put my dad in a bad situation but this feels really excessive, in six months he hasn’t had a weekend to fix his truck? i feel like he’s taking advantage of me. [/INST] nta your asking price seems reasonable, and he is costing you money. </s>
WIBTA for not taking a picture with my twin?	my (17f) twin sister and i have shared everything. we've shared friends, clothes, accessories, shoes and even roles (we have been doing theatre for 9 years) i have had very little things all to myself. this weekend we are getting our senior pictures taken and my mother wants us to get some pictures together. i have 3 issues with this. 1. you don't see any other seniors taking pictures with their sibling so why is this any different. these are my senior pictures, not our senior pictures. 2. my mom wants us in corresponding outfits, but because i was told this last minute we did not get anything matching. my sister and i have very different aesthetics so we are not wearing anything simalar. and the outfits my sister chose for us are very unflattering on me. 3. my sister and i are fraternal and she is more attractive than me. she has long blonde hair and nice skin, while my hair is buzzed and brown and my skin is pagued with dark undereyes that will not go away no matter how hard i try. this might be vain but i want to not look like the ugly twin. i understand that it will only be a couple pictures but, i just want one thing to myself. wibta?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qtgrqa/wibta_for_not_taking_a_picture_with_my_twin/	2021-11-14 03:14:13	nta you really should be able to choose your own outfit for senior photos, and getting them together is just weird, the photos represent your accomplishment.	nta. personally, i'd tell her you'll compromise. you get a photo taken with your sibling, but not in matching outfits. especially since you both have different styles. maybe have outfits that don't horribly clash - so that you both look good. then that way you can have your own picture of just you, your sibling can have her own picture of just her, and your mom/family can have a photo of the two of you together that reflects your individual personalities and styles. if she really wanted you to match she should have told you both well ahead of time so you both could have chosen an outfit you both like - even if it wasn't exactly the same it could be the same colour but in each of your different styles.	nta. you're 2 different people, not clones. stand up to your mom. this would be a hill i would die on.	other people don't get senior pictures with their siblings because they aren't graduating at the same time. i think its totally normal for mom to want a picture of you guys together. nta tho cause the matching outfits is weird af	regarding the dressing in matching outfits part, you guys are way too old to do the cutesy shit. it would be different if you were into doing this, but you aren't 5 anymore, and deserve to be your own autonomous person. so if that's not something you are into, then don't do it. regarding the taking pictures with your twin part, just do it. parents buy school pictures in place of professional portraits. you'll have individual pics for the yearbook and other senior class stuff, and you'll get to choose which photos you'd prefer. but your mom wants kid photos for herself. if you took these professionally, you'd have multiple shots showing both siblings together. this really isn't different. your mom will be an asshole if she pushes the issue, and you'll be an asshole if you completely decline to take portraits with your sister. but right now, there are nah.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NAH	null	null	null	null	null	0.002	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (17f) twin sister and i have shared everything. we've shared friends, clothes, accessories, shoes and even roles (we have been doing theatre for 9 years) i have had very little things all to myself. this weekend we are getting our senior pictures taken and my mother wants us to get some pictures together. i have 3 issues with this. 1. you don't see any other seniors taking pictures with their sibling so why is this any different. these are my senior pictures, not our senior pictures. 2. my mom wants us in corresponding outfits, but because i was told this last minute we did not get anything matching. my sister and i have very different aesthetics so we are not wearing anything simalar. and the outfits my sister chose for us are very unflattering on me. 3. my sister and i are fraternal and she is more attractive than me. she has long blonde hair and nice skin, while my hair is buzzed and brown and my skin is pagued with dark undereyes that will not go away no matter how hard i try. this might be vain but i want to not look like the ugly twin. i understand that it will only be a couple pictures but, i just want one thing to myself. wibta?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (17f) twin sister and i have shared everything. we've shared friends, clothes, accessories, shoes and even roles (we have been doing theatre for 9 years) i have had very little things all to myself. this weekend we are getting our senior pictures taken and my mother wants us to get some pictures together. i have 3 issues with this. 1. you don't see any other seniors taking pictures with their sibling so why is this any different. these are my senior pictures, not our senior pictures. 2. my mom wants us in corresponding outfits, but because i was told this last minute we did not get anything matching. my sister and i have very different aesthetics so we are not wearing anything simalar. and the outfits my sister chose for us are very unflattering on me. 3. my sister and i are fraternal and she is more attractive than me. she has long blonde hair and nice skin, while my hair is buzzed and brown and my skin is pagued with dark undereyes that will not go away no matter how hard i try. this might be vain but i want to not look like the ugly twin. i understand that it will only be a couple pictures but, i just want one thing to myself. wibta? [/INST] nta you really should be able to choose your own outfit for senior photos, and getting them together is just weird, the photos represent your accomplishment. </s>
AITA for wanting my dog to come back home?	about 6 months ago i had to give my dog to my cousins because my family was moving out of state. after months of living with my other family in my new state, i finally get a house. it was really hard living 5 or so months without her and my parents promised me that when we get a house, we will get her back. the problem is that my cousins are really young like 5 and 6. they love her a lot, but she is my dog. i feel like i'm the only one that cares about her in my close family. now my parents and brother would rather get a new dog instead of getting her back. i miss her sooooo fucking much. i would literally kill just to see her face again. am i the asshole for wanting her back?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aughv5/aita_for_wanting_my_dog_to_come_back_home/	2019-02-25 03:42:27	nta. it’s like if you left your little brother to stay with your cousins because you were moving and wouldn’t have time to take care of him properly, then your cousins expected to keep your little brother and your parents said: “eh, we can just get a new one.” i would get your dog back.	nta if they promised to give the dog back, that's life. i'm literally in this same exact situation; a family friend is keeping our dog for a little bit while we get stable. i know he loves him now too but he would never say no to us wanting him back. i'd keep pressing and if they don't let up i'd look into it legally.	nta you love your dog and want it back, you never gave your cousins your dog, just gave your dog a place to stay for a bit. understand why the cousins might be a little sad but they need to understand it never was theirs.	nta sounds like you have a great dog, i’d want it back too. have a conversation with your family, if they’re reasonable they’ll understand	info: what was the arrangement made at the time your family left your dog with your cousins? was this intended as a permanent rehoming that you now want to go back on or was it always understood from the start that they were only agreeing to look after the dog for you temporarily and would return her to your family? it doesn’t matter what your parents told you, what matters is what agreement they had with your cousins. also, your family could have taken your dog out of state with them, but they didn’t.	info, was this a scenario where they were essentially adopting the dog? or was this a scenario where they were taking care of it for a while?	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	INFO	INFO	null	null	null	null	0.052378	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: about 6 months ago i had to give my dog to my cousins because my family was moving out of state. after months of living with my other family in my new state, i finally get a house. it was really hard living 5 or so months without her and my parents promised me that when we get a house, we will get her back. the problem is that my cousins are really young like 5 and 6. they love her a lot, but she is my dog. i feel like i'm the only one that cares about her in my close family. now my parents and brother would rather get a new dog instead of getting her back. i miss her sooooo fucking much. i would literally kill just to see her face again. am i the asshole for wanting her back?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> about 6 months ago i had to give my dog to my cousins because my family was moving out of state. after months of living with my other family in my new state, i finally get a house. it was really hard living 5 or so months without her and my parents promised me that when we get a house, we will get her back. the problem is that my cousins are really young like 5 and 6. they love her a lot, but she is my dog. i feel like i'm the only one that cares about her in my close family. now my parents and brother would rather get a new dog instead of getting her back. i miss her sooooo fucking much. i would literally kill just to see her face again. am i the asshole for wanting her back? [/INST] nta. it’s like if you left your little brother to stay with your cousins because you were moving and wouldn’t have time to take care of him properly, then your cousins expected to keep your little brother and your parents said: “eh, we can just get a new one.” i would get your dog back. </s>
AITA my ex and our kids visitation	my kids mom made poor choices and can now only see our kids for a few hours every other weekend at a public place. her current bf is not allowed to be around our kids due to criminal circumstances(involving their mom). she was given the option to choose between him and our kids by courts. they stated if their mom were to leave him and get a restraining order, things could return to normal placement. she chose him and then weeks later became pregnant. 9 months later and she just had her baby and is still woth bf. now she demands i bring the kids to see the baby now and expects me to drop everything to do so as i would have to stay and supervise due to her visit restrictions. i have 3 kids, with extra activities, i work 3rd shift and plan things. i have all intentions to take our kids to see their new sibling, i have asked her repeatedly for us to plan something but she just demands that instant. part of me wants to be the asshole and make her wait until she can resume her public visits because she chose him and to have a baby over our 2 kids and should have thought about these things. but i do anything and everything for all my kids. so aita for not instantly dropping everything at that moment to go to her home to see the baby? or is it too much to ask for her to plan with me given her restrictions? edits: my timeline was slightly off, an emergency temporary order began a year ago...as of next week actually.....the current order was finalized and case closed a few weeks before she got pregnant prior to the current order mom had every other weekend and we had a holiday schedule.	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yoq2ne/aita_my_ex_and_our_kids_visitation/	2022-11-07 15:20:16	nta. even if not those restrictions she's acting unreasonable. scheduling a visit makes sense given how busy people are not just demanding now	nta. she chose a man over her children, you are choosing your children over her demands. i know who is making the right choice here, and it isn't her.	nta, she’s being unreasonable.	nta. she made her choices. you don't have to cater to this chick.	nta whatsoever. you have taken on the lion's share of parenting the kids. she made the choice of putting her children secondary to her romantic partner and unfortunately, there are consequences that come with that choice. conversely, you have chosen over and over to put your children first. that means that you do not interrupt their regular schedule by bending to your ex's whims. just stick to the court ordered agreement and politely let her know you can't deviate from it. you're a wonderful father...thank you for showing you kids what that looks like.	ha! she can wait till she resumes her public visitations. the entitlement in her is a little too strong for my taste. nta.	nta i would be sticking to the restrictions/order. she chose a man over her kids, a man not allowed around her kids... and she thinks she gets to make demands? she can wait till its convenient for you to bring them to see her or wait till she's able to do public visits. doing any type of visit, new baby or not, behind closed doors/not public would be a huge no from me given your circumstances.	nta- she made her choice, now she has to deal with the consequences and anything else that comes after it	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my kids mom made poor choices and can now only see our kids for a few hours every other weekend at a public place. her current bf is not allowed to be around our kids due to criminal circumstances(involving their mom). she was given the option to choose between him and our kids by courts. they stated if their mom were to leave him and get a restraining order, things could return to normal placement. she chose him and then weeks later became pregnant. 9 months later and she just had her baby and is still woth bf. now she demands i bring the kids to see the baby now and expects me to drop everything to do so as i would have to stay and supervise due to her visit restrictions. i have 3 kids, with extra activities, i work 3rd shift and plan things. i have all intentions to take our kids to see their new sibling, i have asked her repeatedly for us to plan something but she just demands that instant. part of me wants to be the asshole and make her wait until she can resume her public visits because she chose him and to have a baby over our 2 kids and should have thought about these things. but i do anything and everything for all my kids. so aita for not instantly dropping everything at that moment to go to her home to see the baby? or is it too much to ask for her to plan with me given her restrictions? edits: my timeline was slightly off, an emergency temporary order began a year ago...as of next week actually.....the current order was finalized and case closed a few weeks before she got pregnant **prior to the current order mom had every other weekend and we had a holiday schedule.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no aholes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my kids mom made poor choices and can now only see our kids for a few hours every other weekend at a public place. her current bf is not allowed to be around our kids due to criminal circumstances(involving their mom). she was given the option to choose between him and our kids by courts. they stated if their mom were to leave him and get a restraining order, things could return to normal placement. she chose him and then weeks later became pregnant. 9 months later and she just had her baby and is still woth bf. now she demands i bring the kids to see the baby now and expects me to drop everything to do so as i would have to stay and supervise due to her visit restrictions. i have 3 kids, with extra activities, i work 3rd shift and plan things. i have all intentions to take our kids to see their new sibling, i have asked her repeatedly for us to plan something but she just demands that instant. part of me wants to be the asshole and make her wait until she can resume her public visits because she chose him and to have a baby over our 2 kids and should have thought about these things. but i do anything and everything for all my kids. so aita for not instantly dropping everything at that moment to go to her home to see the baby? or is it too much to ask for her to plan with me given her restrictions? edits: my timeline was slightly off, an emergency temporary order began a year ago...as of next week actually.....the current order was finalized and case closed a few weeks before she got pregnant **prior to the current order mom had every other weekend and we had a holiday schedule. [/INST] nta. even if not those restrictions she's acting unreasonable. scheduling a visit makes sense given how busy people are not just demanding now </s>
AITA for getting engaged during the same year my sister is engaged?	i (f22) am one of 3 daughters, sam (f23), and katy (f25). as of about 2 years ago our grandpa, who we are all very close with, has started to get very sick. at moments, we didn’t know if we would even make it through the nights. his health is all over the place, some days are terrible and some days he is in perfect health. when he first started to get sick my sister sam married her then boyfriend because she wanted our grandpa to live to see her wedding. directly after her wedding my sister katy said she’s going to get engaged and i have to wait until her boyfriend proposes and i can not get engaged until after her wedding because i will “take attention away from her”. i’m writing this october 2022 and her wedding is not until july 2023. my boyfriend and i have been getting a lot more serious about engagement for the following reason 1. we plan to buy a house in august of 2023 and it’s a lot easier to buy a house when you are married 2. if i wait another 2 years to have my wedding there is a very very high chance my grandpa will not make it until then. 3. we know we want to be with each other for the rest of our life’s and we see no point in wasting anymore time. we have agreed to get married in the next few months and have a very very small intimate wedding in sept 2023 (less then 30 people all together). my boyfriend and i do not care for attention at all, we don’t want anything big, we are very secret, private people. so, would i be the asshole if i don’t wait?	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ydfzi3/aita_for_getting_engaged_during_the_same_year_my/	2022-10-25 21:15:29	nta you have scheduled your wedding two months after hers. her time to shine in the spotlight will be over by then. if she can't be supportive of you also wanting your grandfather at your wedding, after you intentionally selected a date after hers, she can kick rocks.	thank you everyone for all the comments!! ever since my boyfriend have agreed to get engaged before her wedding i have felt so guilty, and almost told him not to propose, but you guys have definitely made me feel more at ease! my sisters is all about wanting attention. shes almost the complete opposite. her weddings will have hundreds of people there, and she’s spending around $10,000-$20,000 on this wedding, so she’s going very very big. we are happily going along with our plans, and when she goes off on me (like i know she will) it will not change my mind at all!	nta katy has not yet received a proposal!! when she does she can she schedule her wedding for a year after yours.	nta she is being unreasonable and already a bridezilla about it. the wedding you're planning sounds lovely so go ahead with the plans and enjoy yourself. when she comes at you for this (which you know she will), just tell her you want to get married so your grandfather can be there too and it's not even going to be at the same time of year so she can get over herself. i'm the youngest sibling as well, i've had to put my older sibs in their place a time or two when they started this crap.	nta, your sister katy is beyond entitled and selfish op. first off, who the hell does she think she is telling you that she's more important than you with this stunt. second, katy doesn't "want you to take attention away from her," so what are you supposed to do with every aspect of your life until next july? there are any number of things, good or bad that could happen to you before next july that would take attention away from katy. not only is katy selfish and entitled, she's also next level delusional. screw what your narcissistic sister wants op, if you feel the time is right for you and your boyfriend to get engaged then by all means do it! and what's most important here is the main reason why you're even thinking of getting married so soon, which is to give your grandpa the privilege of seeing his last granddaughter get married before he passes.	nta. katy isn't even engaged yet, how can she hold your engagement and wedding hostage waiting on her? go ahead with your plans.	nta. you know what katy can do. from what you've said about her i'm not even sure she'll get a proposal. congratulations and i hope that everything works out well for you.	nta. she doesn’t have a monopoly of life events.	null	null	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (f22) am one of 3 daughters, sam (f23), and katy (f25). as of about 2 years ago our grandpa, who we are all very close with, has started to get very sick. at moments, we didn’t know if we would even make it through the nights. his health is all over the place, some days are terrible and some days he is in perfect health. when he first started to get sick my sister sam married her then boyfriend because she wanted our grandpa to live to see her wedding. directly after her wedding my sister katy said she’s going to get engaged and i have to wait until her boyfriend proposes and i can not get engaged until after her wedding because i will “take attention away from her”. i’m writing this october 2022 and her wedding is not until july 2023. my boyfriend and i have been getting a lot more serious about engagement for the following reason 1. we plan to buy a house in august of 2023 and it’s a lot easier to buy a house when you are married 2. if i wait another 2 years to have my wedding there is a very very high chance my grandpa will not make it until then. 3. we know we want to be with each other for the rest of our life’s and we see no point in wasting anymore time. we have agreed to get married in the next few months and have a very very small intimate wedding in sept 2023 (less then 30 people all together). my boyfriend and i do not care for attention at all, we don’t want anything big, we are very secret, private people. so, would i be the asshole if i don’t wait?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i (f22) am one of 3 daughters, sam (f23), and katy (f25). as of about 2 years ago our grandpa, who we are all very close with, has started to get very sick. at moments, we didn’t know if we would even make it through the nights. his health is all over the place, some days are terrible and some days he is in perfect health. when he first started to get sick my sister sam married her then boyfriend because she wanted our grandpa to live to see her wedding. directly after her wedding my sister katy said she’s going to get engaged and i have to wait until her boyfriend proposes and i can not get engaged until after her wedding because i will “take attention away from her”. i’m writing this october 2022 and her wedding is not until july 2023. my boyfriend and i have been getting a lot more serious about engagement for the following reason 1. we plan to buy a house in august of 2023 and it’s a lot easier to buy a house when you are married 2. if i wait another 2 years to have my wedding there is a very very high chance my grandpa will not make it until then. 3. we know we want to be with each other for the rest of our life’s and we see no point in wasting anymore time. we have agreed to get married in the next few months and have a very very small intimate wedding in sept 2023 (less then 30 people all together). my boyfriend and i do not care for attention at all, we don’t want anything big, we are very secret, private people. so, would i be the asshole if i don’t wait? [/INST] nta you have scheduled your wedding two months after hers. her time to shine in the spotlight will be over by then. if she can't be supportive of you also wanting your grandfather at your wedding, after you intentionally selected a date after hers, she can kick rocks. </s>
AITA for being mad at my parents for lying about traveling to my state so they didn’t have to tell me they aren’t visiting?	one month ago, i moved from fl to tn to start a 1 yr internship. i am 18 yrs old, just graduated, and have never moved away from home before. i have weekly phone calls with my boyfriend and parents to keep us informed about what’s happening in each other’s lives. this week on wednesday, i call my parents because we scheduled a phone call for this night. i tell them i had a pretty bad day and they say, “i’m sorry, we can’t really talk right now, but we’re on for friday night and this weekend, right?” and i say sure. come thursday night to find out, that they have traveled to tn, but hadn’t told me. (i found out through my sister hinting at it, a post on facebook, and then confirmed it on life 360.) surprised, excited, and relieved, i text them, “are you in tn??” and they respond with “😁 we’re celebrating our 20th anniversary in nashville. we’re at a concert.” still excited, i ask “when are you coming to see me?” they don’t respond for the rest of the night. i wake up the next day to a text from my dad that says “love you bud, we’re talking tonight right?” and i ask “are you not coming to visit?” he finally tells me “no, this trip is for our 20th anniversary, should’ve communicated better. we’ll try to visit around thanksgiving though.” heartbroken, and extremely disappointed, hoping it was a joke, i sobbed throughout the whole day (friday). however, their anniversary isn’t actually this month, it was during the summer. i text them “i don’t really want to have our phone call tonight” because i’m really hurt, and they don’t say anything else for the entire day. by nighttime, i’m a basket case, so i call them and confront them. my mom plays dumb and acts like nothing had happened. i get really frustrated and say how badly they’ve hurt me by getting my hopes up and that they know how homesick i’ve been this week, for them to be less than three hours away from me and not planning on making even a short trip to say hi. my dad apologizes again, but says this weekend is really special and needed for them. they had to go to tn because the concert tickets they purchased in january were for there. my mom however says, “you should really try to look at it from our perspective. you’re the only one who’s bitter about it, we’ve moved on. i suggest you forgive us and be happy for us since it’s our 20 year anniversary.” then, she says “we’re going to our dinner reservation. i’m gonna hang up now.” and she does. they are supposed to travel home tomorrow, and there’s time for them to stop by my city and visit even for an hour, but i doubt that will happen. even my boyfriend has driven 12 hours to visit me, and my grandparents have reservations for next week. aita for being mad at them for keeping it a secret from me, my mom expecting me to get over it and be happy for them, and them still not coming to visit? info	146	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dgpa7j/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_parents_for_lying_about/	2019-10-12 02:41:37	yta. you are upset that they didn't drive a 6-hour round trip so that they could spend an hour talking to you? seriously? that might be appropriate if you are 6. not when you're 18 and living away from home. it would be okay if you were a little bit disappointed that they didn't plan better. but crying all day long and refusing their weekly phone call? grow up.	i think in the end it’s a nah situation. you’re upset and a little hurt and that’s fine but also it sounds like you’re blowing this a bit too out of proportion. it isn’t the end of the world, and there are worse things to spend an entire day crying over. they shouldn’t have lied but when they’re there for a very short time for a special thing for them why should they have to drive hours out of their way to see you for 5 min? i understand you’re homesick and this is hard but can’t you let your parents have a fun night where they don’t have to worry about being parents?	yta. but not terribly so. this is part of growing up, and in this next phase, you have to stop thinking your parents are at your beck and call. 3 hours is not a short jaunt either. your boyfriend drives 12 hours because he’s your boyfriend.	yta they are allowed to take trips. you are 18. they’re whole life doesn’t revolve around you anymore.	a 6 hour round trip isn't short, man. if you want to see your family, then i suggest you talk to them like they were planning to do anyway. "i don't feel like talking tonight [because i don't get to talk to you as much as i want to]" is a dumb action to take no matter what your feelings are.	esh, your dad was right, they should have communicated better to better manage everyone's expectations. at the same time though you need to look at it from their perspective, they want to celebrate their 20th anniversary and that doesn't necessarily need to include their children. as someone from tn, whether you're in memphis, nashville, chattanooga, or knoxville while they're all relatively close to each other, if they have to drive back to fl one of those detours would add a significant amount if time back onto their trip home	yta. if you need more support, and it sounds like you do, find it and make good use of it. you are not an extension of your parents and they don’t owe it to you to include you in a previously planned trip.	yta. sorry. time to grow up	nah. i get that it’s your first time away from home and you’re homesick so perhaps that prompted an emotional response. and i think your parents could have communicated better with you. with that said, this was their anniversary trip. yes their actual anniversary may have been in the summer but you say they’ve had the tickets since january. they shouldn’t feel bad for going on the long planned trip for themselves. overall it sounds like communication on all sides could have been better. them telling you about the trip and saying why they couldn’t make a stop in your city. and you, understanding that their lives can’t always revolve around your feelings(please don’t take that harshly as i truly don’t mean it that way). they deserve a trip for themselves. give it some time. cool down. then talk to them again.	yta. it's fair to be homesick but i think i see why they kept it from you. they want some me time and they're saying they'll visit for real, not during their anniversary plans, in a month. it doesn't matter that it's not actually their anniversary, it's not like they could have asked the concert performers to schedule the concert on their actual anniversary so they'd be free to visit you that week.	YTA	NAH	YTA	YTA	null	ESH	YTA	YTA	NAH	YTA	0.092802	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: one month ago, i moved from fl to tn to start a 1 yr internship. i am 18 yrs old, just graduated, and have never moved away from home before. i have weekly phone calls with my boyfriend and parents to keep us informed about what’s happening in each other’s lives. this week on wednesday, i call my parents because we scheduled a phone call for this night. i tell them i had a pretty bad day and they say, “i’m sorry, we can’t really talk right now, but we’re on for friday night and this weekend, right?” and i say sure. come thursday night to find out, that they have traveled to tn, but hadn’t told me. (i found out through my sister hinting at it, a post on facebook, and then confirmed it on life 360.) surprised, excited, and relieved, i text them, “are you in tn??” and they respond with “😁 we’re celebrating our 20th anniversary in nashville. we’re at a concert.” still excited, i ask “when are you coming to see me?” they don’t respond for the rest of the night. i wake up the next day to a text from my dad that says “love you bud, we’re talking tonight right?” and i ask “are you not coming to visit?” he finally tells me “no, this trip is for our 20th anniversary, should’ve communicated better. we’ll try to visit around thanksgiving though.” heartbroken, and extremely disappointed, hoping it was a joke, i sobbed throughout the whole day (friday). however, their anniversary isn’t actually this month, it was during the summer. i text them “i don’t really want to have our phone call tonight” because i’m really hurt, and they don’t say anything else for the entire day. by nighttime, i’m a basket case, so i call them and confront them. my mom plays dumb and acts like nothing had happened. i get really frustrated and say how badly they’ve hurt me by getting my hopes up and that they know how homesick i’ve been this week, for them to be less than three hours away from me and not planning on making even a short trip to say hi. my dad apologizes again, but says this weekend is really special and needed for them. they had to go to tn because the concert tickets they purchased in january were for there. my mom however says, “you should really try to look at it from our perspective. you’re the only one who’s bitter about it, we’ve moved on. i suggest you forgive us and be happy for us since it’s our 20 year anniversary.” then, she says “we’re going to our dinner reservation. i’m gonna hang up now.” and she does. they are supposed to travel home tomorrow, and there’s time for them to stop by my city and visit even for an hour, but i doubt that will happen. even my boyfriend has driven 12 hours to visit me, and my grandparents have reservations for next week. aita for being mad at them for keeping it a secret from me, my mom expecting me to get over it and be happy for them, and them still not coming to visit? info	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> one month ago, i moved from fl to tn to start a 1 yr internship. i am 18 yrs old, just graduated, and have never moved away from home before. i have weekly phone calls with my boyfriend and parents to keep us informed about what’s happening in each other’s lives. this week on wednesday, i call my parents because we scheduled a phone call for this night. i tell them i had a pretty bad day and they say, “i’m sorry, we can’t really talk right now, but we’re on for friday night and this weekend, right?” and i say sure. come thursday night to find out, that they have traveled to tn, but hadn’t told me. (i found out through my sister hinting at it, a post on facebook, and then confirmed it on life 360.) surprised, excited, and relieved, i text them, “are you in tn??” and they respond with “😁 we’re celebrating our 20th anniversary in nashville. we’re at a concert.” still excited, i ask “when are you coming to see me?” they don’t respond for the rest of the night. i wake up the next day to a text from my dad that says “love you bud, we’re talking tonight right?” and i ask “are you not coming to visit?” he finally tells me “no, this trip is for our 20th anniversary, should’ve communicated better. we’ll try to visit around thanksgiving though.” heartbroken, and extremely disappointed, hoping it was a joke, i sobbed throughout the whole day (friday). however, their anniversary isn’t actually this month, it was during the summer. i text them “i don’t really want to have our phone call tonight” because i’m really hurt, and they don’t say anything else for the entire day. by nighttime, i’m a basket case, so i call them and confront them. my mom plays dumb and acts like nothing had happened. i get really frustrated and say how badly they’ve hurt me by getting my hopes up and that they know how homesick i’ve been this week, for them to be less than three hours away from me and not planning on making even a short trip to say hi. my dad apologizes again, but says this weekend is really special and needed for them. they had to go to tn because the concert tickets they purchased in january were for there. my mom however says, “you should really try to look at it from our perspective. you’re the only one who’s bitter about it, we’ve moved on. i suggest you forgive us and be happy for us since it’s our 20 year anniversary.” then, she says “we’re going to our dinner reservation. i’m gonna hang up now.” and she does. they are supposed to travel home tomorrow, and there’s time for them to stop by my city and visit even for an hour, but i doubt that will happen. even my boyfriend has driven 12 hours to visit me, and my grandparents have reservations for next week. aita for being mad at them for keeping it a secret from me, my mom expecting me to get over it and be happy for them, and them still not coming to visit? info [/INST] yta. you are upset that they didn't drive a 6-hour round trip so that they could spend an hour talking to you? seriously? that might be appropriate if you are 6. not when you're 18 and living away from home. it would be okay if you were a little bit disappointed that they didn't plan better. but crying all day long and refusing their weekly phone call? grow up. </s>
AITA for telling my roomates Girlfriend she can't eat what I bought for dinner	so i'm gonna give you some backstory before i get into what happened. so i own a house and i have a roomate who was waking me up for stupid stuff, i even made a post on here about it i believe a few weeks ago, anyway his gf got kicked out of her place because she didn't want to follow the rules of the house. so he asked if she could stay with us because i have a 6 bedroom and its just me and him, i said fine but she has to pay rent and i set the amount at $350. so now that i told you what led up to today's event here is what happened. so i went out and got a haircut and a shave today because i really needed it like i looked like chewie from star wars and i got everyone dinner while i was out, so i get home and my roomates gf starts yelling at me because i got dinner and a haircut. she then goes on about how i'm charging her to much because she can't afford to go out to eat or to get her hair done and a bunch of other crap. so i said fine you don't get the food i bought go find something in the kitchen and then i'm told by both of them i'm an asshole. so am i the asshole here????	145	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j3j8ky/aita_for_telling_my_roomates_girlfriend_she_cant/	2020-10-01 22:55:08	nta. i don’t know where you live but $350/month seems really low and getting food for them was unnecessary and totally nice of you. i would’ve told her to find new living arrangements if she can’t afford the rent.	[deleted]	nta if she doesn’t like it, she can simply leave. no wonder she got kicked out. she’s mad she has to only pay $350 for a room? that’s insanely cheap	nta. it's your house. if she didn't want to pay that much, she and her boyfriend can skedaddle out and get a place somewhere else. she expected to just move in with her boyfriend and live for free. if she's going to be like that, i'd suggest reminding your roommate of whose home it is and that you'd be happy to evict them since her attitude isn't worth the rent she's paying. she has to pay rent somewhere, ffs. and 350 is a drop in the bucket for being able to live in a six bedroom house with two other roommates, one of them being your boyfriend. she sounds delusional. i'd honestly consider giving them both eviction notices and living there solo if you can afford it or renting out to someone else who can appreciate it.	nta your the landlord not their friend. it isn't your job to feed him or her and if it's really too expensive then give her a 30 day notice to vacate after all you don't want to make things harder if she's not able to pay such an expensive rent.	nta. she got kicked out of her last house, i think she may be on her way to getting kicked out of yours too. i would not put up with that level of attack.	nta. what the hell?? you were in the process of doing something nice for her and she’s yelling at you? she’s going to be trouble. since you don’t like the guy that much either you might consider giving them both notice. there’s better roommates.	nta. you are going to regret letting her live there at all; someone who got kicked out for not following house rules and then argues about having to pay what is frankly minimal rent and berates you for how you spend your money is never, ever going to be a good tenant. if she's been there less than a month, i would cancel the deal and tell her to find somewhere else. if she's been there longer than a month (thus giving her tenant's rights), i would warn her she's on "probation" and needs to act like a roommate rather than like she's in charge of the house and everyone in it or you will be formally evicting her.	nta. shes mad because you’re charging her too much? lol the rent you’re charging her is incredibly cheap. if she doesn’t like it she can leave.	[deleted]	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i'm gonna give you some backstory before i get into what happened. so i own a house and i have a roomate who was waking me up for stupid stuff, i even made a post on here about it i believe a few weeks ago, anyway his gf got kicked out of her place because she didn't want to follow the rules of the house. so he asked if she could stay with us because i have a 6 bedroom and its just me and him, i said fine but she has to pay rent and i set the amount at $350. so now that i told you what led up to today's event here is what happened. so i went out and got a haircut and a shave today because i really needed it like i looked like chewie from star wars and i got everyone dinner while i was out, so i get home and my roomates gf starts yelling at me because i got dinner and a haircut. she then goes on about how i'm charging her to much because she can't afford to go out to eat or to get her hair done and a bunch of other crap. so i said fine you don't get the food i bought go find something in the kitchen and then i'm told by both of them i'm an asshole. so am i the asshole here????	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i'm gonna give you some backstory before i get into what happened. so i own a house and i have a roomate who was waking me up for stupid stuff, i even made a post on here about it i believe a few weeks ago, anyway his gf got kicked out of her place because she didn't want to follow the rules of the house. so he asked if she could stay with us because i have a 6 bedroom and its just me and him, i said fine but she has to pay rent and i set the amount at $350. so now that i told you what led up to today's event here is what happened. so i went out and got a haircut and a shave today because i really needed it like i looked like chewie from star wars and i got everyone dinner while i was out, so i get home and my roomates gf starts yelling at me because i got dinner and a haircut. she then goes on about how i'm charging her to much because she can't afford to go out to eat or to get her hair done and a bunch of other crap. so i said fine you don't get the food i bought go find something in the kitchen and then i'm told by both of them i'm an asshole. so am i the asshole here???? [/INST] nta. i don’t know where you live but $350/month seems really low and getting food for them was unnecessary and totally nice of you. i would’ve told her to find new living arrangements if she can’t afford the rent. </s>
AITA for asking my dad to stop sneaking around the house?	i'm a 15 year old girl, and my dad is 53 years old. he always sneaks around the house, and i feel very annoyed and disrespected when he does that. he is overweight, so he has heavy and loud stomping footsteps. it's even more evident when he walks up or down the stairs. if i'm downstairs and i hear my dad coming down, i just run into the bathroom and hide. my dad is a pretty strict type of parent, so he gets mad easily. i would be browsing social media or texting my friends, and then i hear my dad's footsteps. so i instantly hide what i'm doing and pretend to be doing my homework. when he does come into my room, he just sees me reading a textbook or working on a google doc. but recently, he began sneaking around the house. all of a sudden when i'm downstairs i just see him pop up out of nowhere, as if he teleported there. i don't hear him walking around at all. he even opens doors very stealthily, and suddenly i just see him standing in my room, right behind me. and he usually gives himself away by farting a silent but nasty fart. and without a doubt this has led to conflict. my dad gets really angry at me for scrolling through instagram or something, while i get mad at him for barging into my room. i always wondered how on earth he does this until one day i saw him doing it. he was wearing like 50 pairs of socks and had no shoes on. he tip toed toe to heel style, and he moved his arms and legs super awkwardly, and freezes every now and then and ventures his head around. he slowly moves his hand on the doorknob and turns it really slowly to go into someone's room. a few times he sneaked into my brother's room and yelled at him, accusing him of stuff he didn't do. sometimes he sneaks into my room in the middle of the night and takes things like my phone or stuffed animals away. then he lifts up my phone and yells at me for using my phone at night (which i don't). and he also makes fun of me for sleeping with stuffed animals, even though they are on the shelf in my room, not anywhere near my bed. so this morning i told my dad that i am fed up with him sneaking around the house. i told him that i feel disrespected and uncomfortable when he does that. but he didn't say anything to me. then about 20 minutes later he sneaked up the stairs and barged into my room, and bellowed at me for like two hours because i was playing a game on my laptop, even though i already finished all my homework for the weekend.	145	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lzaoj0/aita_for_asking_my_dad_to_stop_sneaking_around/	2021-03-06 20:44:09	nta there is nothing wrong with you feeling disrespected by this pathological behavior. your dad has problems way beyond discussion here. is your mom in the picture? other family?	creepy. i’d get a rubber wedge for my door. if he won’t allow that i’d stack cans or rig a bell something in front of the door so at least you wake up	the first half is hilarious, the second half is where it gets weird. still, he’s your parent and you admitted to “pretend” to doing work, but it is very weird to tip toe around like that, and it is disrespectful to yell at you in the middle of the night if that is true.	this is a joke right?	op, that sounds like a cross between a comedy film and a horror film. also no, you're nta. you being a teenager or his child doesnt mean you cant have boundaries and he needs to respect those boundries and your privacy	too weird for me to judge.	nta. this is gross and weird. where is your mom during this and is she aware he's doing that?	there is something... seriously wrong with your dad	nta. that you feel the need to hide is an enormous concern. have you discussed this with your mother?	yooooo wtf is this a joke, (no offence) but you’re definitely nta if this is all fact, your dad is being creepy, he doesn’t respect you and has no boundaries	NTA	null	null	null	NTA	null	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm a 15 year old girl, and my dad is 53 years old. he always sneaks around the house, and i feel very annoyed and disrespected when he does that. he is overweight, so he has heavy and loud stomping footsteps. it's even more evident when he walks up or down the stairs. if i'm downstairs and i hear my dad coming down, i just run into the bathroom and hide. my dad is a pretty strict type of parent, so he gets mad easily. i would be browsing social media or texting my friends, and then i hear my dad's footsteps. so i instantly hide what i'm doing and pretend to be doing my homework. when he does come into my room, he just sees me reading a textbook or working on a google doc. but recently, he began sneaking around the house. all of a sudden when i'm downstairs i just see him pop up out of nowhere, as if he teleported there. i don't hear him walking around at all. he even opens doors very stealthily, and suddenly i just see him standing in my room, right behind me. and he usually gives himself away by farting a silent but nasty fart. and without a doubt this has led to conflict. my dad gets really angry at me for scrolling through instagram or something, while i get mad at him for barging into my room. i always wondered how on earth he does this until one day i saw him doing it. he was wearing like 50 pairs of socks and had no shoes on. he tip toed toe to heel style, and he moved his arms and legs super awkwardly, and freezes every now and then and ventures his head around. he slowly moves his hand on the doorknob and turns it really slowly to go into someone's room. a few times he sneaked into my brother's room and yelled at him, accusing him of stuff he didn't do. sometimes he sneaks into my room in the middle of the night and takes things like my phone or stuffed animals away. then he lifts up my phone and yells at me for using my phone at night (which i don't). and he also makes fun of me for sleeping with stuffed animals, even though they are on the shelf in my room, not anywhere near my bed. so this morning i told my dad that i am fed up with him sneaking around the house. i told him that i feel disrespected and uncomfortable when he does that. but he didn't say anything to me. then about 20 minutes later he sneaked up the stairs and barged into my room, and bellowed at me for like two hours because i was playing a game on my laptop, even though i already finished all my homework for the weekend.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i'm a 15 year old girl, and my dad is 53 years old. he always sneaks around the house, and i feel very annoyed and disrespected when he does that. he is overweight, so he has heavy and loud stomping footsteps. it's even more evident when he walks up or down the stairs. if i'm downstairs and i hear my dad coming down, i just run into the bathroom and hide. my dad is a pretty strict type of parent, so he gets mad easily. i would be browsing social media or texting my friends, and then i hear my dad's footsteps. so i instantly hide what i'm doing and pretend to be doing my homework. when he does come into my room, he just sees me reading a textbook or working on a google doc. but recently, he began sneaking around the house. all of a sudden when i'm downstairs i just see him pop up out of nowhere, as if he teleported there. i don't hear him walking around at all. he even opens doors very stealthily, and suddenly i just see him standing in my room, right behind me. and he usually gives himself away by farting a silent but nasty fart. and without a doubt this has led to conflict. my dad gets really angry at me for scrolling through instagram or something, while i get mad at him for barging into my room. i always wondered how on earth he does this until one day i saw him doing it. he was wearing like 50 pairs of socks and had no shoes on. he tip toed toe to heel style, and he moved his arms and legs super awkwardly, and freezes every now and then and ventures his head around. he slowly moves his hand on the doorknob and turns it really slowly to go into someone's room. a few times he sneaked into my brother's room and yelled at him, accusing him of stuff he didn't do. sometimes he sneaks into my room in the middle of the night and takes things like my phone or stuffed animals away. then he lifts up my phone and yells at me for using my phone at night (which i don't). and he also makes fun of me for sleeping with stuffed animals, even though they are on the shelf in my room, not anywhere near my bed. so this morning i told my dad that i am fed up with him sneaking around the house. i told him that i feel disrespected and uncomfortable when he does that. but he didn't say anything to me. then about 20 minutes later he sneaked up the stairs and barged into my room, and bellowed at me for like two hours because i was playing a game on my laptop, even though i already finished all my homework for the weekend. [/INST] nta there is nothing wrong with you feeling disrespected by this pathological behavior. your dad has problems way beyond discussion here. is your mom in the picture? other family? </s>
AITA for calling someone trashy?	i was doing a bridal shower with my future sil anna (24) she had all of the plates set up and i noticed she and her mom was carefully taking price tags off all new plates and napkins and putting them either on wax paper or aside. i asked why they are doing this and said they will just return it to the store after they clean them off after the party. i told them that was disgusting and not fair to the store and whoever buys them next. they both acted like it was no big deal and they said they do it all of the time and return decorations and napkins too because it’s stupid to pay for stuff you are only going to use once. i told them it was trashy and i’m not help them with anything if they do that. anna started crying saying i was upsetting her bridal shower. i just decided to leave because i wanted no part of of this bs! i got a bunch of angry calls from my brother about it and anna’s family about it. i told him if he wants to marry anna that’s fine but what they are doing is unhygienic and gross. i want no part of it and nothing to do with anna and her mom trashy ways.	145	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yg4czu/aita_for_calling_someone_trashy/	2022-10-28 23:51:49	nta that is trashy af	nta. that’s ridiculously cheap behavior. perhaps they shouldn’t purchase decorations and plates they can’t afford.	nta. not only is it trashy. but it’s a hygiene issue as you said. not to mention we’re coming out of a worldwide pand**** and they think this is acceptable behaviour. if it was me i would be questioning how many times i’d attended events where they had done this with items and utensils i had used. just thinking about it is making me cringe. if your brother is happy to marry into this then fair enough that’s up to him. but you are well within your rights to stand up and say you’re not willing to be a part of it.	nta. you forgot dishonest.	stores "know" that people do things like this, though i agree with you. they typically will not return merchandise that is soiled or shows wear, unless its damaged. so, their subterfuge may not work? depends on how good they are at cleaning and repackaging the items in question? nta. you're right. that is nasty to me too. i used to run a store a way long time ago. and people would try to return all manner of funky, stank nasty items of clothing and i'd tell them to take the item to the dry cleaner if they wanted their money back and i had to eat the cost of the mark down. no one wanted to accommodate my offer. go figure. 😂	yeah, that's plain wrong, definitely trashy. nta.	nta. that is trashy! i hope your brother knows what he's getting into.	nta they are trashy people.	nta that's done on a regular basis, and is always,. low class imo.	nasty and wrong. nta. but i might have accidentally grabbed the piece of wax paper on the way out the door.	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was doing a bridal shower with my future sil anna (24) she had all of the plates set up and i noticed she and her mom was carefully taking price tags off all new plates and napkins and putting them either on wax paper or aside. i asked why they are doing this and said they will just return it to the store after they clean them off after the party. i told them that was disgusting and not fair to the store and whoever buys them next. they both acted like it was no big deal and they said they do it all of the time and return decorations and napkins too because it’s stupid to pay for stuff you are only going to use once. i told them it was trashy and i’m not help them with anything if they do that. anna started crying saying i was upsetting her bridal shower. i just decided to leave because i wanted no part of of this bs! i got a bunch of angry calls from my brother about it and anna’s family about it. i told him if he wants to marry anna that’s fine but what they are doing is unhygienic and gross. i want no part of it and nothing to do with anna and her mom trashy ways.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> i was doing a bridal shower with my future sil anna (24) she had all of the plates set up and i noticed she and her mom was carefully taking price tags off all new plates and napkins and putting them either on wax paper or aside. i asked why they are doing this and said they will just return it to the store after they clean them off after the party. i told them that was disgusting and not fair to the store and whoever buys them next. they both acted like it was no big deal and they said they do it all of the time and return decorations and napkins too because it’s stupid to pay for stuff you are only going to use once. i told them it was trashy and i’m not help them with anything if they do that. anna started crying saying i was upsetting her bridal shower. i just decided to leave because i wanted no part of of this bs! i got a bunch of angry calls from my brother about it and anna’s family about it. i told him if he wants to marry anna that’s fine but what they are doing is unhygienic and gross. i want no part of it and nothing to do with anna and her mom trashy ways. [/INST] nta that is trashy af </s>
AITA for snapping at my family over dinner?	so i, 17f, was born when my parents were only 15. they both stuck around and have been amazing parents, but haven’t been in a relationship since i was a toddler. my mum lost her family when she decided to keep me, but my dad’s family weren’t too angry and welcomed both me and my mum into the family too. i didn’t notice it growing up, but since we’ve started spending more time with extended family again post-covid and now that i’m older i’ve noticed how different some of their attitudes are towards my mum vs my dad when it comes to them being teen parents, and it’s two of my aunties (dads sister and sil) in particular. as much as you’d hope they’d have moved on, it comes up in odd comments or conversations every now and then, but when they’re talking about my dad they have a “praising the teen dad who stuck around!!” attitude where as when they talk about my mum it’s a “judging the teen slut who got knocked up at 15” kinda attitude which is incredibly unfair considering they’re both as responsible as the other in this situation. i’ve been getting increasingly annoyed at these comments every time i hear them, i know my mum notices but has never said anything and they rarely listen to my dad when he stands up for her and have only made their snide comments more discreet. we were at a family dinner the other night, aunties, uncles, cousins, grandparents, the lot and we’re sat around the table when my aunty (dad’s sil) makes a comment (can’t remember what it was specifically) about my mum that generally implied she was a slut who wouldn’t know anything about keeping her legs together. this was the first time for a while they’d made a comment like that in front of my dad and i’m pretty sure he was about to say something before i jumped in and snapped at them, saying that they need to get over it, or if they’re gonna be snarky about it still after 17 years then at least keep the same attitude towards my dad about it instead of being misogynistic. me and my parents then left but we’ve revived many calls from many family members about how out of line my behaviour was and that my dad needs to “get me in check”. i was just standing up for my mum, but was i the asshole for the way i went about it?	145	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ugc97f/aita_for_snapping_at_my_family_over_dinner/	2022-05-01 23:27:59	nta. they need to get in check. their behavior was out of line. they need to be told to keep their mouths shut and mind their own business.	nta. and now you refuse to attend dinners with people who are this comfortable badmouthing your mother in front of you.	nta their comments are disgusting and the fact they do it in front of you and your mother is appalling and emotionally abusive. the way you responded was completely justified. they were out of line, not you. the fact they're still making those judgmental, misogynistic comments even after 17 years is truly pathetic.	nta. they sound so sexist. last i checked it takes two to tango. good for sticking up for your mom since your dad can’t seem to get them to stop even though he has tried. i would keep doing it too every time they talked about your mom. and tell your dad to put his foot down and give them an ultimatum. if they continue to speak to his wife like that then they will never hear from any of y’all. if they decide to shut up then we will continue coming to family events. enough is enough.	nta you're absolutely correct, they're being hypocritical and it is pure sexism	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i, 17f, was born when my parents were only 15. they both stuck around and have been amazing parents, but haven’t been in a relationship since i was a toddler. my mum lost her family when she decided to keep me, but my dad’s family weren’t too angry and welcomed both me and my mum into the family too. i didn’t notice it growing up, but since we’ve started spending more time with extended family again post-covid and now that i’m older i’ve noticed how different some of their attitudes are towards my mum vs my dad when it comes to them being teen parents, and it’s two of my aunties (dads sister and sil) in particular. as much as you’d hope they’d have moved on, it comes up in odd comments or conversations every now and then, but when they’re talking about my dad they have a “praising the teen dad who stuck around!!” attitude where as when they talk about my mum it’s a “judging the teen slut who got knocked up at 15” kinda attitude which is incredibly unfair considering they’re both as responsible as the other in this situation. i’ve been getting increasingly annoyed at these comments every time i hear them, i know my mum notices but has never said anything and they rarely listen to my dad when he stands up for her and have only made their snide comments more discreet. we were at a family dinner the other night, aunties, uncles, cousins, grandparents, the lot and we’re sat around the table when my aunty (dad’s sil) makes a comment (can’t remember what it was specifically) about my mum that generally implied she was a slut who wouldn’t know anything about keeping her legs together. this was the first time for a while they’d made a comment like that in front of my dad and i’m pretty sure he was about to say something before i jumped in and snapped at them, saying that they need to get over it, or if they’re gonna be snarky about it still after 17 years then at least keep the same attitude towards my dad about it instead of being misogynistic. me and my parents then left but we’ve revived many calls from many family members about how out of line my behaviour was and that my dad needs to “get me in check”. i was just standing up for my mum, but was i the asshole for the way i went about it?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so i, 17f, was born when my parents were only 15. they both stuck around and have been amazing parents, but haven’t been in a relationship since i was a toddler. my mum lost her family when she decided to keep me, but my dad’s family weren’t too angry and welcomed both me and my mum into the family too. i didn’t notice it growing up, but since we’ve started spending more time with extended family again post-covid and now that i’m older i’ve noticed how different some of their attitudes are towards my mum vs my dad when it comes to them being teen parents, and it’s two of my aunties (dads sister and sil) in particular. as much as you’d hope they’d have moved on, it comes up in odd comments or conversations every now and then, but when they’re talking about my dad they have a “praising the teen dad who stuck around!!” attitude where as when they talk about my mum it’s a “judging the teen slut who got knocked up at 15” kinda attitude which is incredibly unfair considering they’re both as responsible as the other in this situation. i’ve been getting increasingly annoyed at these comments every time i hear them, i know my mum notices but has never said anything and they rarely listen to my dad when he stands up for her and have only made their snide comments more discreet. we were at a family dinner the other night, aunties, uncles, cousins, grandparents, the lot and we’re sat around the table when my aunty (dad’s sil) makes a comment (can’t remember what it was specifically) about my mum that generally implied she was a slut who wouldn’t know anything about keeping her legs together. this was the first time for a while they’d made a comment like that in front of my dad and i’m pretty sure he was about to say something before i jumped in and snapped at them, saying that they need to get over it, or if they’re gonna be snarky about it still after 17 years then at least keep the same attitude towards my dad about it instead of being misogynistic. me and my parents then left but we’ve revived many calls from many family members about how out of line my behaviour was and that my dad needs to “get me in check”. i was just standing up for my mum, but was i the asshole for the way i went about it? [/INST] nta. they need to get in check. their behavior was out of line. they need to be told to keep their mouths shut and mind their own business. </s>
AITA for being embarrassed by my friend	my (26f) oldest friend (27f) and i have known each other since we were middle schoolers, so it’s been about 14 years of friendship. when we first met we were basically the same person in two bodies. we had all the same interests, did pretty much everything together, and practically lived at each other’s houses. i moved to a neighbouring town in high school and made new friends, but we still stayed close. as you do in college, i developed new interests in my late teens/early 20s. we no longer have that much in common—for example, she’s into anime, cosplay, video games, etc and i’m not all—and while we’ve drifted a little we still talk frequently and tend to go on a trip or two together, sometimes including other people as well, every year. as we’ve gotten older, i’ve found myself more and more...embarrassed, i suppose, when i hang out with her. she’s still fundamentally the same person, but i find some of her fashion and makeup choices a little cringeworthy, and sometimes feel a little bit of secondhand embarrassment when she talks to my other friends or when we’re making small talk with strangers on trips. i know this sounds pretty vague, so here’s a concrete example. in airports, i’ll wear a pretty basic athleisure outfit to stay comfortable but look like i made a basic effort with my appearance while out in public. think sneakers, leggings, a t shirt and jacket, etc. nothing fancy, basically. she’ll wear a backpack shaped like a giant pokeball, have her hair in a sort of lopsided spiky anime-inspired style, and usually be wearing some sort of slutty french maid outfit or something else inspired by loli fashion. it draws a lot of attention. she’s mentioned in the past that her mother hates her outfits and will ask her to wear normal things on vacation. wibta if i also asked her to dress a little more normally when we go on trips together? tbh, i feel like i am and should just support my oldest friend no matter what, but i can’t help feeling a little embarrassed for her whenever she goes out dressed as she is.	145	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bu6b7g/aita_for_being_embarrassed_by_my_friend/	2019-05-28 22:10:45	yta if you ask her to dress differently, she can dress as she pleases for she is an adult. you know you could always stop hanging out with her, two people have the ability to drift apart	yta. you're being shallow. you're essentially saying the opinions of strangers are more important than someone who actually loves you. and no, you absolutely don't have the right to ask her to dress differently.	yta. if she isn’t embarrassed and is comfortable being herself, good for her. you wouldn’t be much of a friend if you asked her to change who she is for your comfort. how would you feel if she told you that she’s embarrassed to be in public with someone who treats leggings as pants?	nah. i think i've been there lol. when i walked thru university and saw people wear distinctly different outfits (gothic lolita or outwardly weebier than a graphic tee), i'd notice it. my first impression was that yeah it's out of the normal stuff i expect to see. but i assume that person wants to wear that outfit regardless of what others think. and it doesn't bother me, doesn't affect me in the slightest, never talk to em ever, so i let it go. if she's a close friend, it wouldn't hurt to ask why they wear the stuff they do. maybe come to a little discussion of your feelings, it's an adult thing to do to talk about your feelings as much as hers. maybe she can alternate between normal outfits and the outfits she likes, depending the outing. if it were me, i'd be surprised and maybe a bit hurt at first, but it's not like i can't be reasoned with if my fashion sense, it isn't a big deal to me (but maybe it is to your friend). you're not in the wrong for your preferences, and she isn't either, a discussion should be alright if you open it without being abrasive to her fashion.	yta. don’t worry, you’re not alone i’ve been in a similar position - let me help. sometimes you have to pick your battles. i have a friend who’s a hermit and is only into video games and comic books, he doesn’t get along with any of my friends too well. but...that’s my guy, we grew up together so i’ll purposefully plan things that i know he’ll be into and thrive in - i’m talking imax for mcu films, esports events, cons etc. yeah i may not invite him to everything but him and i have done some pretty awesome stuff that my other friends kind of get envious of. enjoying those moments with him has our friendship stronger than a lot of people that i see daily. i hope it all works out, pal.	nah for feeling the way you do. it’s brutally honest and that’s okay. after college i realized how important it is for me to take the time to spend time with different groups of friends separately. while mixing friends can sometimes work swimmingly, other times is unnecessarily stressful. not all personality types mix and it’s stressful feeling like you have to apologize for a friend who is just being themselves.... everybody is not for everybody. i will say tho, you’ll probably want to try and come to terms with the way she dresses in public. who gives af if she dresses wacky at an airport? what do those strangers have to do with you? but yeah if being in public alone makes you cringe you might just wanna limit hanging out in general. being confident in your fashion is commendable imo. that’s the only thing i think you might be overly critical of.	null	null	null	null	YTA	YTA	YTA	NAH	YTA	NAH	null	null	null	null	0.176777	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my (26f) oldest friend (27f) and i have known each other since we were middle schoolers, so it’s been about 14 years of friendship. when we first met we were basically the same person in two bodies. we had all the same interests, did pretty much everything together, and practically lived at each other’s houses. i moved to a neighbouring town in high school and made new friends, but we still stayed close. as you do in college, i developed new interests in my late teens/early 20s. we no longer have that much in common—for example, she’s into anime, cosplay, video games, etc and i’m not all—and while we’ve drifted a little we still talk frequently and tend to go on a trip or two together, sometimes including other people as well, every year. as we’ve gotten older, i’ve found myself more and more...embarrassed, i suppose, when i hang out with her. she’s still fundamentally the same person, but i find some of her fashion and makeup choices a little cringeworthy, and sometimes feel a little bit of secondhand embarrassment when she talks to my other friends or when we’re making small talk with strangers on trips. i know this sounds pretty vague, so here’s a concrete example. in airports, i’ll wear a pretty basic athleisure outfit to stay comfortable but look like i made a basic effort with my appearance while out in public. think sneakers, leggings, a t shirt and jacket, etc. nothing fancy, basically. she’ll wear a backpack shaped like a giant pokeball, have her hair in a sort of lopsided spiky anime-inspired style, and usually be wearing some sort of slutty french maid outfit or something else inspired by loli fashion. it draws a lot of attention. she’s mentioned in the past that her mother hates her outfits and will ask her to wear normal things on vacation. wibta if i also asked her to dress a little more normally when we go on trips together? tbh, i feel like i am and should just support my oldest friend no matter what, but i can’t help feeling a little embarrassed for her whenever she goes out dressed as she is.	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> my (26f) oldest friend (27f) and i have known each other since we were middle schoolers, so it’s been about 14 years of friendship. when we first met we were basically the same person in two bodies. we had all the same interests, did pretty much everything together, and practically lived at each other’s houses. i moved to a neighbouring town in high school and made new friends, but we still stayed close. as you do in college, i developed new interests in my late teens/early 20s. we no longer have that much in common—for example, she’s into anime, cosplay, video games, etc and i’m not all—and while we’ve drifted a little we still talk frequently and tend to go on a trip or two together, sometimes including other people as well, every year. as we’ve gotten older, i’ve found myself more and more...embarrassed, i suppose, when i hang out with her. she’s still fundamentally the same person, but i find some of her fashion and makeup choices a little cringeworthy, and sometimes feel a little bit of secondhand embarrassment when she talks to my other friends or when we’re making small talk with strangers on trips. i know this sounds pretty vague, so here’s a concrete example. in airports, i’ll wear a pretty basic athleisure outfit to stay comfortable but look like i made a basic effort with my appearance while out in public. think sneakers, leggings, a t shirt and jacket, etc. nothing fancy, basically. she’ll wear a backpack shaped like a giant pokeball, have her hair in a sort of lopsided spiky anime-inspired style, and usually be wearing some sort of slutty french maid outfit or something else inspired by loli fashion. it draws a lot of attention. she’s mentioned in the past that her mother hates her outfits and will ask her to wear normal things on vacation. wibta if i also asked her to dress a little more normally when we go on trips together? tbh, i feel like i am and should just support my oldest friend no matter what, but i can’t help feeling a little embarrassed for her whenever she goes out dressed as she is. [/INST] yta if you ask her to dress differently, she can dress as she pleases for she is an adult. you know you could always stop hanging out with her, two people have the ability to drift apart </s>
AITA For Buying Our Old Trademark at Bankruptcy Auction	many yrs ago some friends and i started a company. we had a name that we liked. we ran the co for years, had our ups and downs. and then eventually a larger co offered to acquire us – we said yes and all made good money. meanwhile the larger co ran ours for a while, and then eventually sold our co to still a 3rd co. starting when the 3rd co took over, these original friends began going their separate ways and eventually none of us worked at this company that we’d started together, we’d all moved variously on to other jobs and ventures. years later, it developed that the 3rd co went bankrupt – the kind where they liquidate at a big auction for the assets. when this bankruptcy auction was 6 mo in the future, i was getting interested in “starting a company again”. and i’d been the senior partner and largest owner in the original, so the old name was certainly associated with my name and rep in a way useful, though not essential, in getting the new co off the ground. so – aha! i’ll go to the auction and see if i can get that old name back for cheap, wouldn’t that be fun! right around this time i happened to take one of my old friends from the old co for coffee, and i floated my idea – have you heard about the auction? well, i’m thinking of going to it and buying the old name, and starting a new company! wouldn't that be great! obviously i’m excited as i’m saying this. and i can remember very clearly the expression on my old partner’s face as they nodded interestedly and said “hunh. cool.” not amazed w/ the brilliance of my idea or anything, but it was at absolute minimum what you’d call guardedly positive. in the coming mos i convinced our investors that this name made good sense in the right price range. when the time came we were the only bidder for the old name, got it for the “reserve bid” which was a reasonable (but five figure) price. we were excited. but around this time i became aware that one of my original partners (same one from coffee months before) was \very\ unhappy about me acquiring the name. apparently in the months since i’d brought it up this idea had gnawed away and now they were very angry and if i went forward with using the name it would be unforgivable. they'd apparently told a 3rd person a mo before, but all i'd heard was a probably-won't-be-at-the-party lack of enthusiasm, not showstopping friendship-ending anger. i felt bad – and said so – but my position at this point was that this partner had had a chance to speak up when i’d first brought up the idea–and for some time afterwards–and could have easily and instantly shot it down, but that now that i’d gotten my financial backers to spend five figures buying the name it was a done deal and everyone was going to have to live with it. they felt i should have known that this wasn't okay. so i await your judgment - aita for buying back our old business trademark at bankruptcy auction and using it for my new business?	145	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hmzvii/aita_for_buying_our_old_trademark_at_bankruptcy/	2020-07-07 18:15:44	nta, they knew about it and could have bought in, they chose not too, boo hoo to them. is there a reason they want this name to land elsewhere or disappear?	nta, you're not psychic, if he wanted to let you know he should have told you. or tried bidding for it himself. you put the money up in order to get it, you go forward and do whatever you want with it moving forward. he no longer has any skin in the game since (i'm assuming) he already got his cut when it was bought from you.	nta you're free to buy and use the name, just like anyone else would be if they bought it. you said your old partners are really upset, but you didn't say why.	nta. money talks. if this “friend” was that upset, they could’ve said something to you when you mentioned it months prior to the purchase or outbid you. you’re free of any wrong-doing here.	nta. it’s your trademark, they had the opportunity to object but didn’t, and if you didn’t buy it, someone else would’ve and could’ve sullied it. let them stay mad.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: many yrs ago some friends and i started a company. we had a name that we liked. we ran the co for years, had our ups and downs. and then eventually a larger co offered to acquire us – we said yes and all made good money. meanwhile the larger co ran ours for a while, and then eventually sold our co to still a 3rd co. starting when the 3rd co took over, these original friends began going their separate ways and eventually none of us worked at this company that we’d started together, we’d all moved variously on to other jobs and ventures. years later, it developed that the 3rd co went bankrupt – the kind where they liquidate at a big auction for the assets. when this bankruptcy auction was 6 mo in the future, i was getting interested in “starting a company again”. and i’d been the senior partner and largest owner in the original, so the old name was certainly associated with my name and rep in a way useful, though not essential, in getting the new co off the ground. so – aha! i’ll go to the auction and see if i can get that old name back for cheap, wouldn’t that be fun! right around this time i happened to take one of my old friends from the old co for coffee, and i floated my idea – have you heard about the auction? well, i’m thinking of going to it and buying the old name, and starting a new company! wouldn't that be great! obviously i’m excited as i’m saying this. and i can remember very clearly the expression on my old partner’s face as they nodded interestedly and said “hunh. cool.” not amazed w/ the brilliance of my idea or anything, but it was at absolute minimum what you’d call guardedly positive. in the coming mos i convinced our investors that this name made good sense in the right price range. when the time came we were the only bidder for the old name, got it for the “reserve bid” which was a reasonable (but five figure) price. we were excited. but around this time i became aware that one of my original partners (same one from coffee months before) was \very\* unhappy about me acquiring the name. apparently in the months since i’d brought it up this idea had gnawed away and now they were very angry and if i went forward with using the name it would be unforgivable. they'd apparently told a 3rd person a mo before, but all i'd heard was a probably-won't-be-at-the-party lack of enthusiasm, not showstopping friendship-ending anger. i felt bad – and said so – but my position at this point was that this partner had had a chance to speak up when i’d first brought up the idea–and for some time afterwards–and could have easily and instantly shot it down, but that now that i’d gotten my financial backers to spend five figures buying the name it was a done deal and everyone was going to have to live with it. they felt i should have known that this wasn't okay. so i await your judgment - aita for buying back our old business trademark at bankruptcy auction and using it for my new business?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a*holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> many yrs ago some friends and i started a company. we had a name that we liked. we ran the co for years, had our ups and downs. and then eventually a larger co offered to acquire us – we said yes and all made good money. meanwhile the larger co ran ours for a while, and then eventually sold our co to still a 3rd co. starting when the 3rd co took over, these original friends began going their separate ways and eventually none of us worked at this company that we’d started together, we’d all moved variously on to other jobs and ventures. years later, it developed that the 3rd co went bankrupt – the kind where they liquidate at a big auction for the assets. when this bankruptcy auction was 6 mo in the future, i was getting interested in “starting a company again”. and i’d been the senior partner and largest owner in the original, so the old name was certainly associated with my name and rep in a way useful, though not essential, in getting the new co off the ground. so – aha! i’ll go to the auction and see if i can get that old name back for cheap, wouldn’t that be fun! right around this time i happened to take one of my old friends from the old co for coffee, and i floated my idea – have you heard about the auction? well, i’m thinking of going to it and buying the old name, and starting a new company! wouldn't that be great! obviously i’m excited as i’m saying this. and i can remember very clearly the expression on my old partner’s face as they nodded interestedly and said “hunh. cool.” not amazed w/ the brilliance of my idea or anything, but it was at absolute minimum what you’d call guardedly positive. in the coming mos i convinced our investors that this name made good sense in the right price range. when the time came we were the only bidder for the old name, got it for the “reserve bid” which was a reasonable (but five figure) price. we were excited. but around this time i became aware that one of my original partners (same one from coffee months before) was \very\* unhappy about me acquiring the name. apparently in the months since i’d brought it up this idea had gnawed away and now they were very angry and if i went forward with using the name it would be unforgivable. they'd apparently told a 3rd person a mo before, but all i'd heard was a probably-won't-be-at-the-party lack of enthusiasm, not showstopping friendship-ending anger. i felt bad – and said so – but my position at this point was that this partner had had a chance to speak up when i’d first brought up the idea–and for some time afterwards–and could have easily and instantly shot it down, but that now that i’d gotten my financial backers to spend five figures buying the name it was a done deal and everyone was going to have to live with it. they felt i should have known that this wasn't okay. so i await your judgment - aita for buying back our old business trademark at bankruptcy auction and using it for my new business? [/INST] nta, they knew about it and could have bought in, they chose not too, boo hoo to them. is there a reason they want this name to land elsewhere or disappear? </s>
AITA for holding a grudge against my parents for something they did a decade ago	so me and my parents had a argument the other day it started when they were talking about my niece and how good she was at school and wished that she could go physically instead of zoom. i replied with “well at least this way if she starts slipping you can’t throw her in detention” let me give you the backstory when i was in the seventh grade a decade ago i wasn’t doing well in school and my parents decided to throw me in to after school detention they went to the principal and every day for monday through friday i spent two hours after school in detention they didn’t trying anything before just went right to throwing me into detention. it didn’t help really and well when kids found out they started to bully me calling me all sorts of names regarding my intelligence and i just hated it and i never forgot that and lasted with me till i went to high school nearly two years of being bullied because my parents threw me into detention. so my parents were a bit taken aback saying that that what they did happened a decade ago and they were only trying to help. i told them that they didn’t help me when i told them about all the bullying but they told me that what happened is done and has been done for a long time and i should just get over it. i walked out of their house (i was visiting with my brother and niece) and told them “at least now i can raise my daughter different” my brother is trying to be a peacemaker saying that while we both have reasonable arguments we are family and should get along, but both me and my parents are demanding apologies and neither is expecting to get one from one another and well i figured i’d ask strangers aita?	145	https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iaiv9f/aita_for_holding_a_grudge_against_my_parents_for/	2020-08-16 00:33:23	nta, you both do have valid reasons but your parents didn’t even try to help you. they basically resorted to not making it their problem. they threw you into detention so they didn’t need to do anything. also parent who don’t help there children with bullying are the worst.	how did your parents throw you in detention? the school agreed to put you in detention because you had bad grades? this makes no sense to me.	nta wouldn’t the best course of action would’ve been to hire a tutor for you? instead they went to punishment instead of seeing what the academic problem was.	nta- they need to know how that affected you. it was important for them to know and yes they owe you an apology.	nta i'm confused as to why they or your brother think you should be apologizing. are they saying that it was wrong of you to let them know how deeply their actions affected you? apparently they would have preferred to live with an illusion. what they did was misguided and damaged you. they are the ones who owe you an apology. your brother is also mistaken in thinking that an apology for you would somehow fix things in the family. it would just make you more resentful and less inclined to see them.	null	null	null	null	null	NTA	null	NTA	NTA	NTA	null	null	null	null	null	0	Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so me and my parents had a argument the other day it started when they were talking about my niece and how good she was at school and wished that she could go physically instead of zoom. i replied with “well at least this way if she starts slipping you can’t throw her in detention” let me give you the backstory when i was in the seventh grade a decade ago i wasn’t doing well in school and my parents decided to throw me in to after school detention they went to the principal and every day for monday through friday i spent two hours after school in detention they didn’t trying anything before just went right to throwing me into detention. it didn’t help really and well when kids found out they started to bully me calling me all sorts of names regarding my intelligence and i just hated it and i never forgot that and lasted with me till i went to high school nearly two years of being bullied because my parents threw me into detention. so my parents were a bit taken aback saying that that what they did happened a decade ago and they were only trying to help. i told them that they didn’t help me when i told them about all the bullying but they told me that what happened is done and has been done for a long time and i should just get over it. i walked out of their house (i was visiting with my brother and niece) and told them “at least now i can raise my daughter different” my brother is trying to be a peacemaker saying that while we both have reasonable arguments we are family and should get along, but both me and my parents are demanding apologies and neither is expecting to get one from one another and well i figured i’d ask strangers aita?	<s>[INST] <<SYS>> Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the ahole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the ahole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. <</SYS>> so me and my parents had a argument the other day it started when they were talking about my niece and how good she was at school and wished that she could go physically instead of zoom. i replied with “well at least this way if she starts slipping you can’t throw her in detention” let me give you the backstory when i was in the seventh grade a decade ago i wasn’t doing well in school and my parents decided to throw me in to after school detention they went to the principal and every day for monday through friday i spent two hours after school in detention they didn’t trying anything before just went right to throwing me into detention. it didn’t help really and well when kids found out they started to bully me calling me all sorts of names regarding my intelligence and i just hated it and i never forgot that and lasted with me till i went to high school nearly two years of being bullied because my parents threw me into detention. so my parents were a bit taken aback saying that that what they did happened a decade ago and they were only trying to help. i told them that they didn’t help me when i told them about all the bullying but they told me that what happened is done and has been done for a long time and i should just get over it. i walked out of their house (i was visiting with my brother and niece) and told them “at least now i can raise my daughter different” my brother is trying to be a peacemaker saying that while we both have reasonable arguments we are family and should get along, but both me and my parents are demanding apologies and neither is expecting to get one from one another and well i figured i’d ask strangers aita? [/INST] nta, you both do have valid reasons but your parents didn’t even try to help you. they basically resorted to not making it their problem. they threw you into detention so they didn’t need to do anything. also parent who don’t help there children with bullying are the worst. </s>

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