submission_title
stringlengths 15
304
| submission_text
stringlengths 0
3.4k
| submission_score
int64 145
70.8k
| submission_url
stringlengths 70
106
| submission_date
stringlengths 19
19
| top_comment_1
stringlengths 3
810
| top_comment_2
stringlengths 0
5.07k
⌀ | top_comment_3
stringlengths 0
7.01k
⌀ | top_comment_4
stringlengths 0
8.67k
⌀ | top_comment_5
stringlengths 0
7.33k
⌀ | top_comment_6
stringlengths 0
6.82k
⌀ | top_comment_7
stringlengths 0
4.75k
⌀ | top_comment_8
stringlengths 0
9.25k
⌀ | top_comment_9
stringlengths 0
9.74k
⌀ | top_comment_10
stringlengths 0
8.27k
⌀ | top_comment_1_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_2_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_3_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_4_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_5_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_6_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_7_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_8_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_9_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_10_classification
stringclasses 5
values | ambiguity_score
float64 0
1
| flanT5_instruction
stringlengths 475
3.86k
| llama2_instruction
stringlengths 517
4.34k
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
AITA for telling my husband he doesn't do the chores right?
|
my husband did the dishes last night and this morning he left all the pots on the counter for me to clean. i asked him why he never washes the stuff that doesn’t go in the dish washer. i said “if you’re going to do the dishes, just do it all. it’s not fair that i have to wash the big stuff.
a little background: i do 90% of the cleaning. he has never wiped down the counters, vacuumed, mopped, dusted, done the laundry, clean the bathrooms, cooked, cleaned the bedrooms. and he does the dishes maybe once or twice a week. and when he does, it’s either unloading or loading the dishwasher – never both. when he comes in the house, he just throws all the clothes on the ground and i complain when i go around picking them up. he says that i don’t have to pick them up and that he was planning on doing it later. but if i don’t, they just sit around for days until i do end up picking them up. we're 30 years old and have been together for 10 years and it's always been like this.
when i said that he doesn’t do enough he became irate and said that i don’t appreciate him and that when he does do stuff i just tell him what he didn’t do and he doesn’t go around telling me what i didn’t do. which is true, he never complains about what i do. he said that he does more than his fair share. i kept trying to tell him that i’m asking him when he does stuff, just do it properly. so many times when he does the dishes he loads the dishwasher so badly nothing gets clean and i redo it all. i try showing him how to load it and he gets mad telling me that not everything has to be done my way, and that there are more ways than my way of doing things. these conversations always go no where because he says i’m high maintenance and he doesn’t want to talk about my irrational expectations.
now he’s not talking to me and i feel like a total ass because he’s right, i don’t show him enough appreciation. but at the same time i’m so tired of having to do everything.
i don’t think i’m ta for asking him to do more chores but aita for telling him he doesn’t do them right?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e416cd/aita_for_telling_my_husband_he_doesnt_do_the/
|
2019-11-30 18:39:12
|
nta. your husband is purposefully doing his chores badly trying to get you so exhausted with him that you'll do them yourself. he also sounds very abusive with his words, which i am very sorry about. is this a man you want to keep? appreciation for what, exactly? berating you?
|
nta
all of these "helpful hints" people are giving are designed for children. your partner is a fucking adult and you're not asking for much. "not up to your standards"? fucking please your standards are do all the dishes when it's your turn to clean the kitchen?! this is not unreasonable. he is being lazy and doesn't care to contribute to the household because you'll just do it in the end.
men are big children and it shouldn't take fucking thank yous for every house hold chore.
(
|
nta start piling his clothes in a corner and don’t do his laundry. our rule has been since we got married that one person cooks and then the other person cleans. if you cook he cleans. and that means everything.
|
nta. you shouldn’t have to do everything. just because he is a man doesn’t mean he gets to be lazy.
|
info : why did you marry him if it’s always been like this? serious question.
|
nta you’re absolutely right that it’s not fair that you have to do 90% of the housework and that he does a shitty job on the 10% and then doesn’t like it when you are not satisfied with his half-assed effort. you wouldn’t need to remind him of what needs to be done if he was really pulling his weight. it’s almost 2020. husbands gotta step up their game. but, that means there needs to be an “our way” and not a “my way” for doing things. time to have a serious conversation about the division of labor and what you both expect. you might want to look up articles about emotional labor, now women tend to carry all that. this seems like a classic example.
|
nta - he sounds lazy. not your job to do everything.
|
nta- your husband is lazy and rude. washing large dishes isn’t doing much work. he needs to get a grip.
|
nta and i'm leaning towards agreeing with the people who suggest he might be doing this on purpose, because he seems awfully quick to have a response for everything that paints you as the bad guy at first glance, but none of it holds up under scrutiny.
​
>he became irate and said that i don’t appreciate him
why would or should you appreciate him doing his 1 or 2 chores wrong and giving you more work to do in the process? he's not "doing you a favor" by "helping out" with household chores. he lives there too and you guys are supposed to be partners. he needs to carry his fair share of the load and stop dragging you down.
>when he does do stuff i just tell him what he didn’t do
legitimate question: is there any chore he has that he does do perfectly without shirking some of it off on you? if the answer is yes, then maybe you could be more explicitly thankful, it never hurts to grease the wheels and make your so feel appreciated, but at the same time, again, he's not doing your a favor. he's contributing to the functionality of the house and your partnership.
if the answer is no, if he does not do any chore completely and correctly, then what else does he expect? a participation trophy?
>he doesn’t go around telling me what i didn’t do. which is true, he never complains about what i do.
if he thinks you're "high maintenance" about the cleaning then i highly doubt he's not complaining "to be kind" and instead simply has no complaints. you doing the job perfectly is not an excuse for him to be beyond criticism.
>he said that he does more than his fair share.
clearly false?
>i try showing him how to load it and he gets mad telling me that not everything has to be done my way, and that there are more ways than my way of doing things.
sure. there are multiple ways of doing it, but how he's doing it isn't the issue. if the dishes ended up clean you probably wouldn't care how he loaded it. they're not ending up clean. his method of loading the dishwasher is objectively bad
>these conversations always go no where because he says i’m high maintenance and he doesn’t want to talk about my irrational expectations.
this is the big kicker for me. expecting the dishes to come clean out of the dishwasher is not irrational or high maintenance. a comment like that is meant explicitly to demean you and make you shut up. he's also saying he's the arbiter of what's important and that your opinions don't matter to him. he feels entitled to your labor and probably does see himself as doing you this huge favor by helping as little as he is.
|
nta
sounds like you've got a man-child on your hands.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my husband did the dishes last night and this morning he left all the pots on the counter for me to clean. i asked him why he never washes the stuff that doesn’t go in the dish washer. i said “if you’re going to do the dishes, just do it all. it’s not fair that i have to wash the big stuff.
a little background: i do 90% of the cleaning. he has never wiped down the counters, vacuumed, mopped, dusted, done the laundry, clean the bathrooms, cooked, cleaned the bedrooms. and he does the dishes maybe once or twice a week. and when he does, it’s either unloading or loading the dishwasher – never both. when he comes in the house, he just throws all the clothes on the ground and i complain when i go around picking them up. he says that i don’t have to pick them up and that he was planning on doing it later. but if i don’t, they just sit around for days until i do end up picking them up. we're 30 years old and have been together for 10 years and it's always been like this.
when i said that he doesn’t do enough he became irate and said that i don’t appreciate him and that when he does do stuff i just tell him what he didn’t do and he doesn’t go around telling me what i didn’t do. which is true, he never complains about what i do. he said that he does more than his fair share. i kept trying to tell him that i’m asking him when he does stuff, just do it properly. so many times when he does the dishes he loads the dishwasher so badly nothing gets clean and i redo it all. i try showing him how to load it and he gets mad telling me that not everything has to be done my way, and that there are more ways than my way of doing things. these conversations always go no where because he says i’m high maintenance and he doesn’t want to talk about my irrational expectations.
now he’s not talking to me and i feel like a total ass because he’s right, i don’t show him enough appreciation. but at the same time i’m so tired of having to do everything.
i don’t think i’m ta for asking him to do more chores but aita for telling him he doesn’t do them right?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my husband did the dishes last night and this morning he left all the pots on the counter for me to clean. i asked him why he never washes the stuff that doesn’t go in the dish washer. i said “if you’re going to do the dishes, just do it all. it’s not fair that i have to wash the big stuff.
a little background: i do 90% of the cleaning. he has never wiped down the counters, vacuumed, mopped, dusted, done the laundry, clean the bathrooms, cooked, cleaned the bedrooms. and he does the dishes maybe once or twice a week. and when he does, it’s either unloading or loading the dishwasher – never both. when he comes in the house, he just throws all the clothes on the ground and i complain when i go around picking them up. he says that i don’t have to pick them up and that he was planning on doing it later. but if i don’t, they just sit around for days until i do end up picking them up. we're 30 years old and have been together for 10 years and it's always been like this.
when i said that he doesn’t do enough he became irate and said that i don’t appreciate him and that when he does do stuff i just tell him what he didn’t do and he doesn’t go around telling me what i didn’t do. which is true, he never complains about what i do. he said that he does more than his fair share. i kept trying to tell him that i’m asking him when he does stuff, just do it properly. so many times when he does the dishes he loads the dishwasher so badly nothing gets clean and i redo it all. i try showing him how to load it and he gets mad telling me that not everything has to be done my way, and that there are more ways than my way of doing things. these conversations always go no where because he says i’m high maintenance and he doesn’t want to talk about my irrational expectations.
now he’s not talking to me and i feel like a total ass because he’s right, i don’t show him enough appreciation. but at the same time i’m so tired of having to do everything.
i don’t think i’m ta for asking him to do more chores but aita for telling him he doesn’t do them right? [/INST] nta. your husband is purposefully doing his chores badly trying to get you so exhausted with him that you'll do them yourself. he also sounds very abusive with his words, which i am very sorry about. is this a man you want to keep? appreciation for what, exactly? berating you? </s>
|
AITA For Requesting My Niece Wear Clothing?
|
i (25m) am staying with my fiancée's (25f) sister for the holidays. she has a niece (8f) that has sensory issues and is frequently refusing to wear clothing. this would not be a problem if i were not here, but i do not know her that well and this is making me uncomfortable. this is making me not want to be in any common areas. i tried to talk to my fiancée about this but she twisted my words and said that i was being weird for sexualizing a child.
am i the asshole for requesting that she wears clothing while i am around?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rnagab/aita_for_requesting_my_niece_wear_clothing/
|
2021-12-24 01:16:58
|
nta get the f*** out of there. so much can go wrong for you
|
nta. people who are unidimensional in thought and unable to grasp the concept of human behaviour will say you are a perv. pretty insulting
anyway i say nta because wearing clothing is an expectation of society and her niece needs to find ways to cope.
i would be very uncomfortable because
1. not my kid
2. peoples minds get weird thoughts about men and children
buddy die on this hill
|
nta. and seeing as how your fiancé is, as you say, twisting your words, lord only knows what could be said about you if you were ever alone with the child for any stretch of time. if i were in your shoes, i would do my best to extricate myself from the situation in the most diplomatic way possible but do it at any expense. this is for your protection as well as the child’s. might want to consider having a conversation with your fiancé about the situation.
|
i’m wondering why they’d invite a man to stay with them without warning you a child will be nude the whole time. get a hotel.
|
nah
but i think it's best for you both ( or just you) to stay at a hotel. i don't want to get into a war here about all that's going on but suffice it to say it's not a good idea to stay there. the little girl will grow up and probably be mortified when she looks back on this time with guests in the house so make it easier for everyone, please.
|
nta just don’t put yourself in that situation man.
|
nta even with sensory issues, she’s 8 not 3. god forbid you get accused of something improper or whatever.
|
nta. but if your fiancee & her sister can't understand your discomfort with the situation, stay in a motel. how long is the child's mother going to delay teaching appropriate behavior around guests? is she just going to let the child continue on with no real coping skills for times when running around naked isn't an option?
|
nta- that’s weird and creepy. i would stay elsewhere and set that boundary very clear.
|
nta; we don’t know the full scope of her sensory issues, but regardless you are completely uncomfortable and should not be demonised for that.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (25m) am staying with my fiancée's (25f) sister for the holidays. she has a niece (8f) that has sensory issues and is frequently refusing to wear clothing. this would not be a problem if i were not here, but i do not know her that well and this is making me uncomfortable. this is making me not want to be in any common areas. i tried to talk to my fiancée about this but she twisted my words and said that i was being weird for sexualizing a child. am i the asshole for requesting that she wears clothing while i am around?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (25m) am staying with my fiancée's (25f) sister for the holidays. she has a niece (8f) that has sensory issues and is frequently refusing to wear clothing. this would not be a problem if i were not here, but i do not know her that well and this is making me uncomfortable. this is making me not want to be in any common areas. i tried to talk to my fiancée about this but she twisted my words and said that i was being weird for sexualizing a child. am i the asshole for requesting that she wears clothing while i am around? [/INST] nta get the f*** out of there. so much can go wrong for you </s>
|
AITA for caring more about myself and my personal boundaries than a potential family feud?
|
aita for caring more about my bridal shower and personal boundaries than a potential family fuel?
am i the asshole for being selective about which family members from my fiance’s family i want at my bridal shower? i 25 f and a poc am marrying the love of my life male 27 who is caucasian. we have been together for almost 4 years and are getting married this fall after being engaged for almost 2 years. before our engagement happened we had an issue with his mother’s side of the family. mom’s nephew saw some advocacy posts for the during the movement in 2020 (after the deal of g.f. by police) . during this- he and my future husband had gotten in an argument as my future husband advocated for the fair treatment of poc and the correction on history books such as christopher columbus discovering america. her nephew decided to lie and tell his family (that we used to be best friend’s with) that i called him a nazi (he had no proof. he said i texted him and he “accidentally” deleted it. from that moment on nephew t, nephew’s sister k and nephew’s parents cut off all ties with me but are still friendly with my fiancé. flash forward to now. i am planning my bridal shower and had to make a guest list. i decided that after the incident and not having contact except from holidays with nephew and his family that i would not invited sister k or their mom v to my bridal shower but invited them all to our wedding. when mother in law got wind of this she flipped. she told me not inviting them would affect her relationship with them and drive a wedge in the family. i have seen that family on multiple occasions and they have ignored me and only spoken to my future husband. they don’t follow me on social media nor do they text me happy birthday or acknowledge any of my accomplishments. i feel like my bridal shower should be intimate and i should only have to invite people i feel loved by to shower me with love. am i the asshole for caring more about my mental health and boundaries than a stupid potential family fued?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v6c61n/aita_for_caring_more_about_myself_and_my_personal/
|
2022-06-06 19:59:20
|
nta. you can tell mil you will be happy to invite them when they apologize to you for spreading lies that you called anyone a nazi. the real issue is why fiance is willing to deal with their bs. why are they able to be friendly with them? that would imply he’s nice back. he shouldn’t be communicating with them. you need to talk with fiance about what’s happening now and what will happen in the future.
|
nta.
the whole point of a bridal shower is to celebrate with the people important to you. it’s entirely up to you who you invite.
|
nta. your future mil can maintain her own relationship with those shitty people. it’s not your fault if a wedge is driven between the family, not at all. invite only those people who will add joy to your day.
i sense that your mil and the rest of your fiancés family will continue to be a problem for you. mil isn’t supporting you despite your very valid reasons to be upset, and this will likely bleed over into other areas.
and your fiancé… where is he in all of this? he shouldn’t speak to those assholes ever again, and he needs to set his mom straight.
|
nta
& i, personally, wouldn't even have them @ the wedding.
|
nta, you’re the bride and it’s your bridal shower. have people around you that make your happy. curious what your future husband thinks about this?
|
nta
the bridal shower is about you. period.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: aita for caring more about my bridal shower and personal boundaries than a potential family fuel? am i the asshole for being selective about which family members from my fiance’s family i want at my bridal shower? i 25 f and a poc am marrying the love of my life male 27 who is caucasian. we have been together for almost 4 years and are getting married this fall after being engaged for almost 2 years. before our engagement happened we had an issue with his mother’s side of the family. mom’s nephew saw some advocacy posts for the during the movement in 2020 (after the deal of g.f. by police) . during this- he and my future husband had gotten in an argument as my future husband advocated for the fair treatment of poc and the correction on history books such as christopher columbus discovering america. her nephew decided to lie and tell his family (that we used to be best friend’s with) that i called him a nazi (he had no proof. he said i texted him and he “accidentally” deleted it. from that moment on nephew t, nephew’s sister k and nephew’s parents cut off all ties with me but are still friendly with my fiancé. flash forward to now. i am planning my bridal shower and had to make a guest list. i decided that after the incident and not having contact except from holidays with nephew and his family that i would not invited sister k or their mom v to my bridal shower but invited them all to our wedding. when mother in law got wind of this she flipped. she told me not inviting them would affect her relationship with them and drive a wedge in the family. i have seen that family on multiple occasions and they have ignored me and only spoken to my future husband. they don’t follow me on social media nor do they text me happy birthday or acknowledge any of my accomplishments. i feel like my bridal shower should be intimate and i should only have to invite people i feel loved by to shower me with love. am i the asshole for caring more about my mental health and boundaries than a stupid potential family fued?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
aita for caring more about my bridal shower and personal boundaries than a potential family fuel? am i the asshole for being selective about which family members from my fiance’s family i want at my bridal shower? i 25 f and a poc am marrying the love of my life male 27 who is caucasian. we have been together for almost 4 years and are getting married this fall after being engaged for almost 2 years. before our engagement happened we had an issue with his mother’s side of the family. mom’s nephew saw some advocacy posts for the during the movement in 2020 (after the deal of g.f. by police) . during this- he and my future husband had gotten in an argument as my future husband advocated for the fair treatment of poc and the correction on history books such as christopher columbus discovering america. her nephew decided to lie and tell his family (that we used to be best friend’s with) that i called him a nazi (he had no proof. he said i texted him and he “accidentally” deleted it. from that moment on nephew t, nephew’s sister k and nephew’s parents cut off all ties with me but are still friendly with my fiancé. flash forward to now. i am planning my bridal shower and had to make a guest list. i decided that after the incident and not having contact except from holidays with nephew and his family that i would not invited sister k or their mom v to my bridal shower but invited them all to our wedding. when mother in law got wind of this she flipped. she told me not inviting them would affect her relationship with them and drive a wedge in the family. i have seen that family on multiple occasions and they have ignored me and only spoken to my future husband. they don’t follow me on social media nor do they text me happy birthday or acknowledge any of my accomplishments. i feel like my bridal shower should be intimate and i should only have to invite people i feel loved by to shower me with love. am i the asshole for caring more about my mental health and boundaries than a stupid potential family fued? [/INST] nta. you can tell mil you will be happy to invite them when they apologize to you for spreading lies that you called anyone a nazi. the real issue is why fiance is willing to deal with their bs. why are they able to be friendly with them? that would imply he’s nice back. he shouldn’t be communicating with them. you need to talk with fiance about what’s happening now and what will happen in the future. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to compare my son to other kids?
|
recently i stayed to chat while my kid went on a play date.
usually i drop them off and then when it’s over i come get them, but because i’m one of the only women in the neighborhood who works, it’s normal to stay while the kids are there.
there’s one mother who’d been pushing me to stay for a while and our kids are friends so i finally agreed.
it was nice they invited me and tried to include me and everything but after about half an hour i was really sick of being there. the play date was 5 hours and they seemed to plan to just talk the whole time.
they keep going back and forth about whose kids are doing what level of math and winning what awards, whatever. it was always stuff like “yes, louisa is 4th in the state for computer science in her year.“ and everyone would have to follow up with “oh yah my daughter is learning python, and just because she’s interested in it.” and someone else would go “well we’re a tech free household. my kids don’t even want to look at screens.”
i spend 0% of my time thinking about my kid in comparison to other kids, so i found this conversation wildly uninteresting. i just smiled and nodded hoping the topic would change, but it never did.
eventually they asked me a direct question (“my kids are in the finals of the math decathlon this semester. we never see you guys there. is your son going to be in the after school math group this year?”) and i said “no, i don’t think so.” they asked “why not.” and i said “after 8 hours i want him home.”
i probably should’ve just left then. but this particular mother said “well he’ll have a harder time on the accelerated math curriculum. i’d know, my kids have been on it since kindergarten.” and i said, i recognize this could’ve been more tactful, “i don’t know if he’ll be on the accelerated curriculum or not, and i couldn’t care less as long as he’s happy.”
there was an awkward silence for a minute and then they kept doing this tit for tat exchange but didn’t involve me anymore.
now i’m feeling kind of badly about it though. i can’t let the situation go and i know i could’ve handled myself better. i could really use an unbiased opinion of whether i was an asshole or not.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/em2kc7/aita_for_refusing_to_compare_my_son_to_other_kids/
|
2020-01-09 01:40:21
|
nta
comparison is the thief of joy.
|
nta. i'll probably get down voted for saying this but since they stay at home their kids are their whole lives so they choose to live vicariously through them. they are probably doing it to make their own lives seem more interesting. you can bet they judged you and think they are superior parents. but like you said.. as long as your kid is happy that is all that matters. could you have been more tactful? maybe. but i'd be annoyed too if i were you and had to sit there and listen to that. not all sahms are like that but clearly that little clique is 🙄
|
nta. imo parents use their kids as status symbols and it makes me sick. i have friends who have their kids in every sport and band and club and the kids have no real life outside of practice and school work. it burnt my nephew out running around constantly. i feel bad for these kids that dont get to play and have fun with their friends and have no down time. you are like me, as long as our kids are happy and learning what they need to at their own pace it's ok. your child is not a trophy to put on the wall and prove that you are a better parent. i applaud you for not getting caught up in it.
|
sounds like you're the only mother without insecurities in that group, nta
|
nta they sound insufferable.
|
nah. although the other parents *may* have been ta if they were actually comparing kids, i'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt and just assume they were talking about their kids and school since it's pretty much all those women have in common. they may not even actually like each other, but the kids are a common subject and so that's what they talk about.
it does get really boring, though, i feel you there. tbh some of them could probably use a mom friend like you who doesn't put crazy pressure on her kids to succeed in everything™, and who has stuff to talk about *other* than kid-related things.
|
nta. jesus is it so bad to let kids be kids and enjoy whatever they do and not make everything about their credentials? you’re a far better mom than they are.
|
i’ll probably get downvoted for this but esh.
the other moms are ta for constantly comparing their kids to each other.
*however*.
1) you can’t fault parents for getting involved in their children’s education, especially seeing how competitive university admissions are.
2) you mentioned these women don’t work, so their children will be their full time job, and they will naturally talk about them.
3) it’s a play date, of course parents will talk about their children
you seem to have a slight superiority complex, thinking you’re better or more enlightened for being a working mom. you didn’t give these women a chance at all, and snapped the first time you hung out with them. they asked you a fairly innocuous question at first, and were actively trying to include you.
you clearly have different interests from these parents, but it’s worth being civil for the sake of your children. being rude and disagreeable will eventually isolate them from their peers.
|
nta.
but i'm biased, i cringe everytime someone tries to use their kids to show off.
|
nta. you were the only non asshole there. children are human beings. individuals. not a status symbol or a pet. setting them up for success is one thing, trotting that out in that way is another.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.01833 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: recently i stayed to chat while my kid went on a play date. usually i drop them off and then when it’s over i come get them, but because i’m one of the only women in the neighborhood who works, it’s normal to stay while the kids are there. there’s one mother who’d been pushing me to stay for a while and our kids are friends so i finally agreed. it was nice they invited me and tried to include me and everything but after about half an hour i was really sick of being there. the play date was 5 hours and they seemed to plan to just talk the whole time. they keep going back and forth about whose kids are doing what level of math and winning what awards, whatever. it was always stuff like “yes, louisa is 4th in the state for computer science in her year.“ and everyone would have to follow up with “oh yah my daughter is learning python, and just because she’s interested in it.” and someone else would go “well we’re a tech free household. my kids don’t even want to look at screens.” i spend 0% of my time thinking about my kid in comparison to other kids, so i found this conversation wildly uninteresting. i just smiled and nodded hoping the topic would change, but it never did. eventually they asked me a direct question (“my kids are in the finals of the math decathlon this semester. we never see you guys there. is your son going to be in the after school math group this year?”) and i said “no, i don’t think so.” they asked “why not.” and i said “after 8 hours i want him home.” i probably should’ve just left then. but this particular mother said “well he’ll have a harder time on the accelerated math curriculum. i’d know, my kids have been on it since kindergarten.” and i said, i recognize this could’ve been more tactful, “i don’t know if he’ll be on the accelerated curriculum or not, and i couldn’t care less as long as he’s happy.” there was an awkward silence for a minute and then they kept doing this tit for tat exchange but didn’t involve me anymore. now i’m feeling kind of badly about it though. i can’t let the situation go and i know i could’ve handled myself better. i could really use an unbiased opinion of whether i was an asshole or not.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
recently i stayed to chat while my kid went on a play date. usually i drop them off and then when it’s over i come get them, but because i’m one of the only women in the neighborhood who works, it’s normal to stay while the kids are there. there’s one mother who’d been pushing me to stay for a while and our kids are friends so i finally agreed. it was nice they invited me and tried to include me and everything but after about half an hour i was really sick of being there. the play date was 5 hours and they seemed to plan to just talk the whole time. they keep going back and forth about whose kids are doing what level of math and winning what awards, whatever. it was always stuff like “yes, louisa is 4th in the state for computer science in her year.“ and everyone would have to follow up with “oh yah my daughter is learning python, and just because she’s interested in it.” and someone else would go “well we’re a tech free household. my kids don’t even want to look at screens.” i spend 0% of my time thinking about my kid in comparison to other kids, so i found this conversation wildly uninteresting. i just smiled and nodded hoping the topic would change, but it never did. eventually they asked me a direct question (“my kids are in the finals of the math decathlon this semester. we never see you guys there. is your son going to be in the after school math group this year?”) and i said “no, i don’t think so.” they asked “why not.” and i said “after 8 hours i want him home.” i probably should’ve just left then. but this particular mother said “well he’ll have a harder time on the accelerated math curriculum. i’d know, my kids have been on it since kindergarten.” and i said, i recognize this could’ve been more tactful, “i don’t know if he’ll be on the accelerated curriculum or not, and i couldn’t care less as long as he’s happy.” there was an awkward silence for a minute and then they kept doing this tit for tat exchange but didn’t involve me anymore. now i’m feeling kind of badly about it though. i can’t let the situation go and i know i could’ve handled myself better. i could really use an unbiased opinion of whether i was an asshole or not. [/INST] nta comparison is the thief of joy. </s>
|
AITA - Terrible Wedding Experience
|
aita - my husband and i have been friends with another couple for several years and have done everything together. we all started hanging out at the same time - taking trips skiing, to florida, dinners every weekend, hanging out with family, etc. well, when this other couple decided to get married they asked my husband to be in the bridal party and not me - which is a little hurtful but not a huge deal because weddings are hard and i get it. i had no problem with this, went to the bachelorette party and had a great time until the bridesmaids said some pretty nasty things to me. i ignored it and moved on. fast forward to the wedding weekend at the rehearsal dinner and i was met by the mog making comments about my outfit being too formal in front of people (i was wearing knee length all black cocktail dress and the dress code was black tie optional). i ignored her comments and moved to another group of people where i found out the mog and bride and sister of bride were all passing around a photo of me and my outfit for the wedding which felt terrible. the mog i guess got mad that the fog told me he liked my shoes so she asked me in front a large group of people if i rented them. there’s nothing wrong with renting, i like rtr, but her question was meant to be nasty and everyone knew it.
the next day i was asked to host all of the groomsmen to get ready in my home even though most of the other groomsmen and bridesmaids were married couples and could have done this at one of their homes - why they chose my house when i wasn’t in party i’ll never know. but i cleaned and prepped and welcomed all these guys into my house and left to go get ready by myself at a friends house. went to ceremony alone and after ceremony there was a 5 hour gap until the reception. instead of spending that time with my husband i was told to go entertain myself while the bridal party hung out together next door at a bar. at the wedding the mog continued to nasty comments towards me and i just finally had enough. i didn’t say anything during the wedding as it’s still their special day and it’s not about my feelings but after my husband and i decided we didn’t feel great about being friends with people who would treat me that way. my question is aita for being upset and hurt by their actions? should i have forgiven all of that? aita for deciding to cut ties with them?
i should also mention i had to buy a new dress the day before wedding because the bride didn’t understand black tie optional and now wanted cocktail attire so my full length dress would no longer be appropriate even though i sent her a pic of it for approval weeks before and i could not return it at that point. $270 on a dress i didn’t get to wear plus $200 more on a new cocktail dress 🙃
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sp7y1t/aita_terrible_wedding_experience/
|
2022-02-10 14:32:32
|
nta a hundred times over. the fact that you were considerate of their feelings on their special day even while they were excluding you and treating you horribly is beyond courteous. i can’t understand why the sudden change in dynamic toward you though - was there some sort of catalyst for this?
i know there’s quite a varied range of “normal” regarding weddings but i can’t imagine asking someone to offer up their house and also “entertain themselves” for five hours between ceremony and reception while their spouse got to do wedding party time at a public bar. what, are you not allowed in the bar? did they rent it out? i think that’s ridiculous honestly, and i’m sorry you were treated so poorly.
|
**nta.** what i want to know is this: why would your husband hang out for 5 hours at a bar with the bridal party when you were not welcome to join? and why would he not tell the groom to tell his mom and the other to knock it off when they were publicly humiliating you and *passing around picture of your dress???* hell, at the point, he should have bowed out because of the major disrespect towards you. i would have refused to let them use my house.
|
nta
i think your husband is ta though, for not stepping up for you. the first red flag should have been when you weren't included in the bridal party. like what the hell. i'd flip my shit and nope out if i couldn't be in it with my wife.
|
why would you even think you're the arsehole? i think people are going to start asking you if you can figure out why they all turned on you but i wouldn't bother. cut these toxic people out of your lives and plan some special evenings with your husband where you can get some use out of the dresses you bought! nta.
|
nta. this is wild. particularly the bit about excluding you from hanging out with the wedding party at the bar while simultaneously making you host everything? and during this super special event the mog chooses to beef with you? she doesn’t have anything else on her mind? this is crazy town. going through this entire fiasco without popping off makes you a saint in my book op.
|
nta, and not even close. but it feels like there is clearly something going on that you are in the dark about. these are friends you’ve spent a lot of time with…yet their family and friends are being openly hostile towards you. something odd is happening. if you ever find out i hope you update us. i’m often baffled by human behavior, this is one of those time…i must know why, totally understand why this would bug you
|
nta. your feelings are valid. they are ta. i would stop being friends with them, if adults are treating people like this they haven’t peaked at all. they should be ashamed to still be acting like they are in middle school, especially the mog. you are a good person from what i have read, because i would’ve been talking back to the mog and the bride lol
|
nta...you're a hero for making it as far as you did. you're a class act.
|
[deleted]
|
nta- i think the husband really likes to hang out with your husband, and he is pushing for a couples relationship, however the wife doesn’t like you and seem to have a weird competition going on with you, at the same time she doesn’t have a good reason why she doesn’t like you so she has not a good reason not to hang out with you. is some serious hs drama and not unheard of women hate women for no good damn reason.
i think you cutting them off would be the best for everyone.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: aita - my husband and i have been friends with another couple for several years and have done everything together. we all started hanging out at the same time - taking trips skiing, to florida, dinners every weekend, hanging out with family, etc. well, when this other couple decided to get married they asked my husband to be in the bridal party and not me - which is a little hurtful but not a huge deal because weddings are hard and i get it. i had no problem with this, went to the bachelorette party and had a great time until the bridesmaids said some pretty nasty things to me. i ignored it and moved on. fast forward to the wedding weekend at the rehearsal dinner and i was met by the mog making comments about my outfit being too formal in front of people (i was wearing knee length all black cocktail dress and the dress code was black tie optional). i ignored her comments and moved to another group of people where i found out the mog and bride and sister of bride were all passing around a photo of me and my outfit for the wedding which felt terrible. the mog i guess got mad that the fog told me he liked my shoes so she asked me in front a large group of people if i rented them. there’s nothing wrong with renting, i like rtr, but her question was meant to be nasty and everyone knew it. the next day i was asked to host all of the groomsmen to get ready in my home even though most of the other groomsmen and bridesmaids were married couples and could have done this at one of their homes - why they chose my house when i wasn’t in party i’ll never know. but i cleaned and prepped and welcomed all these guys into my house and left to go get ready by myself at a friends house. went to ceremony alone and after ceremony there was a 5 hour gap until the reception. instead of spending that time with my husband i was told to go entertain myself while the bridal party hung out together next door at a bar. at the wedding the mog continued to nasty comments towards me and i just finally had enough. i didn’t say anything during the wedding as it’s still their special day and it’s not about my feelings but after my husband and i decided we didn’t feel great about being friends with people who would treat me that way. my question is aita for being upset and hurt by their actions? should i have forgiven all of that? aita for deciding to cut ties with them? i should also mention i had to buy a new dress the day before wedding because the bride didn’t understand black tie optional and now wanted cocktail attire so my full length dress would no longer be appropriate even though i sent her a pic of it for approval weeks before and i could not return it at that point. $270 on a dress i didn’t get to wear plus $200 more on a new cocktail dress 🙃
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
aita - my husband and i have been friends with another couple for several years and have done everything together. we all started hanging out at the same time - taking trips skiing, to florida, dinners every weekend, hanging out with family, etc. well, when this other couple decided to get married they asked my husband to be in the bridal party and not me - which is a little hurtful but not a huge deal because weddings are hard and i get it. i had no problem with this, went to the bachelorette party and had a great time until the bridesmaids said some pretty nasty things to me. i ignored it and moved on. fast forward to the wedding weekend at the rehearsal dinner and i was met by the mog making comments about my outfit being too formal in front of people (i was wearing knee length all black cocktail dress and the dress code was black tie optional). i ignored her comments and moved to another group of people where i found out the mog and bride and sister of bride were all passing around a photo of me and my outfit for the wedding which felt terrible. the mog i guess got mad that the fog told me he liked my shoes so she asked me in front a large group of people if i rented them. there’s nothing wrong with renting, i like rtr, but her question was meant to be nasty and everyone knew it. the next day i was asked to host all of the groomsmen to get ready in my home even though most of the other groomsmen and bridesmaids were married couples and could have done this at one of their homes - why they chose my house when i wasn’t in party i’ll never know. but i cleaned and prepped and welcomed all these guys into my house and left to go get ready by myself at a friends house. went to ceremony alone and after ceremony there was a 5 hour gap until the reception. instead of spending that time with my husband i was told to go entertain myself while the bridal party hung out together next door at a bar. at the wedding the mog continued to nasty comments towards me and i just finally had enough. i didn’t say anything during the wedding as it’s still their special day and it’s not about my feelings but after my husband and i decided we didn’t feel great about being friends with people who would treat me that way. my question is aita for being upset and hurt by their actions? should i have forgiven all of that? aita for deciding to cut ties with them? i should also mention i had to buy a new dress the day before wedding because the bride didn’t understand black tie optional and now wanted cocktail attire so my full length dress would no longer be appropriate even though i sent her a pic of it for approval weeks before and i could not return it at that point. $270 on a dress i didn’t get to wear plus $200 more on a new cocktail dress 🙃 [/INST] nta a hundred times over. the fact that you were considerate of their feelings on their special day even while they were excluding you and treating you horribly is beyond courteous. i can’t understand why the sudden change in dynamic toward you though - was there some sort of catalyst for this? i know there’s quite a varied range of “normal” regarding weddings but i can’t imagine asking someone to offer up their house and also “entertain themselves” for five hours between ceremony and reception while their spouse got to do wedding party time at a public bar. what, are you not allowed in the bar? did they rent it out? i think that’s ridiculous honestly, and i’m sorry you were treated so poorly. </s>
|
WIBTA if I don't go to SeaWorld for my nephew's birthday?
|
i am visiting my family from out of state for my nephews birthday. i have already bought the ticket and booked the hotel. this week my sister tells me that one of the days they are going to seaworld. apparently there is a sesame street activity. i have big moral qualms about going to sea world. the thing is that it's not something that has ever come up in conversation with anyone in my family. there's no way for my sister to know that i have these issues with sea world. i'm trying to come up with a way to get out of it but it's going to be difficult unless i ditch the whole weekend.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/de3ufr/wibta_if_i_dont_go_to_seaworld_for_my_nephews/
|
2019-10-06 14:20:35
|
nah - except seaworld
just tell her honestly how you feel about seaworld and then try to hang out with them before/after.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. if people read into places like seaworld more they would never buy a ticket. i would not go unless you’re comfortable with supporting taji dolphin hunts, their capture and the red coves.
|
nah except seaworld, just explain why you don't want to go and any rational adult will agree
|
nah. just tell her how you feel and why and that you won’t be joining them that day. it’s important to stick by your values. and while you personally may not have discussed this issue with your family, it’s unlikely that they’re unaware of it.
|
nah. go. enjoy the weekend. have breakfast with them before seaworld and meet up for dinner afterward. if they ask why, just say that it’s not a place where you feel comfortable.
| null | null | null | null |
NAH
| null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null | null | null | null | 0.032 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am visiting my family from out of state for my nephews birthday. i have already bought the ticket and booked the hotel. this week my sister tells me that one of the days they are going to seaworld. apparently there is a sesame street activity. i have big moral qualms about going to sea world. the thing is that it's not something that has ever come up in conversation with anyone in my family. there's no way for my sister to know that i have these issues with sea world. i'm trying to come up with a way to get out of it but it's going to be difficult unless i ditch the whole weekend.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am visiting my family from out of state for my nephews birthday. i have already bought the ticket and booked the hotel. this week my sister tells me that one of the days they are going to seaworld. apparently there is a sesame street activity. i have big moral qualms about going to sea world. the thing is that it's not something that has ever come up in conversation with anyone in my family. there's no way for my sister to know that i have these issues with sea world. i'm trying to come up with a way to get out of it but it's going to be difficult unless i ditch the whole weekend. [/INST] nah - except seaworld just tell her honestly how you feel about seaworld and then try to hang out with them before/after. </s>
|
AITA; my bf puts big ticket purchases on my credit care but balks at me using his Amazon prime. I feel it's unfair.
|
tldr; boyfriend puts stuff on my credit card but balks at me to use his prime account.
so my bf(31m) and me(28f) had a fight concerning money. we make roughly the same and split all bills down the middle. he doesnt have a credit card or a drivers lisence. i have both.
we work on opposite coasts right now and he recently flew in to see me. he said his debit card isnt working so i immediately booked the flights on my credit card. he said we really needed a car so i put that on my card too. he paid me the money so there is no issue there.
i wanted to use him prime amazon account to purchase some gifts for a friends new baby. i told him flat out i was paying for it. he balked. said he needed to think about it. i have never stolen money from him or used his card. ever.
am i expecting too much? aita for thinking this was no big deal? is this balanced or am i kinda loopy? i feel it's unfair that i jump for his every need (i booked both his tickets and the car) but when i needed a favour he didn't want to play ball.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/co6fi3/aita_my_bf_puts_big_ticket_purchases_on_my_credit/
|
2019-08-09 18:29:18
|
nta
why's he such a dork??? you don't even need to use his card on the prime account - you just need the login and can add your own payment details.
also he's 31 and doesnt have a credit card or a license? tell him to pull it the fuck together.
|
nta - and whatever you do, do not enter your credit card number as a payment method on his account if he does let you use his account.
|
nta - using his amazon prime costs him absolutely nothing in any way. that's a real selfish red flag for me.
|
nta (adding judgement after info): this is really sketchy and is a yellow flag for things. also, he's being a jerk - using someone's prime account benefits costs nothing. you can add a household member for free.
info: why doesn't he have a credit card?
|
nta. you in danger girl.
|
nta for obvious reasons. but, it's concerning that he won't leave a "paper trial" when visiting you and won't let you use his amazon account with your own money. makes me think he's hiding something, like a girlfriend or wife.
|
nta. why wouldn’t he want you using his amazon prime account? that seems like such a strange line to draw. but if he doesn’t want you to use it, fine - but i would stop letting him use your credit card.
|
[deleted]
|
nta
there's something wrong with the story he's giving you. he should be able to get some kind of credir card (a secured one, if nothing else) unless he has the world's worst credit.
but tie the "no credit car, no license" with "can't use his amazon prime" and his "debit card not working" and i suspect he's in a relationship with someone else. after all, a so might question chsnges on his credit card or debit card but might not notice cash withdrawals (used to pay you for the charges).
|
nta
how has your boyfriend made it this far in life with neither a credit card or a driver's license? time for you to cut him off from using your credit and for him to put on some big boy pants and become an adult. if he wants to use a credit card for purchases he needs to get his own. he's being an asshole.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: tldr; boyfriend puts stuff on my credit card but balks at me to use his prime account. so my bf(31m) and me(28f) had a fight concerning money. we make roughly the same and split all bills down the middle. he doesnt have a credit card or a drivers lisence. i have both. we work on opposite coasts right now and he recently flew in to see me. he said his debit card isnt working so i immediately booked the flights on my credit card. he said we really needed a car so i put that on my card too. he paid me the money so there is no issue there. i wanted to use him prime amazon account to purchase some gifts for a friends new baby. i told him flat out i was paying for it. he balked. said he needed to think about it. i have never stolen money from him or used his card. ever. am i expecting too much? aita for thinking this was no big deal? is this balanced or am i kinda loopy? i feel it's unfair that i jump for his every need (i booked both his tickets and the car) but when i needed a favour he didn't want to play ball.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
tldr; boyfriend puts stuff on my credit card but balks at me to use his prime account. so my bf(31m) and me(28f) had a fight concerning money. we make roughly the same and split all bills down the middle. he doesnt have a credit card or a drivers lisence. i have both. we work on opposite coasts right now and he recently flew in to see me. he said his debit card isnt working so i immediately booked the flights on my credit card. he said we really needed a car so i put that on my card too. he paid me the money so there is no issue there. i wanted to use him prime amazon account to purchase some gifts for a friends new baby. i told him flat out i was paying for it. he balked. said he needed to think about it. i have never stolen money from him or used his card. ever. am i expecting too much? aita for thinking this was no big deal? is this balanced or am i kinda loopy? i feel it's unfair that i jump for his every need (i booked both his tickets and the car) but when i needed a favour he didn't want to play ball. [/INST] nta why's he such a dork??? you don't even need to use his card on the prime account - you just need the login and can add your own payment details. also he's 31 and doesnt have a credit card or a license? tell him to pull it the fuck together. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to use my personal credit card on a company business trip?
|
work wants me to travel to another city for a week to complete a project. while i have no problem with traveling, if they will pay for it, they've just informed me that the car rental and hotel booking need to go on my credit card and they will reimburse me for it.
&#x200b;
that is absurd. is that how business travel actually works? is this what everyone does?
&#x200b;
i'm sorry but i was in car accident a few weeks back and had to shell out every penny i had for a new car. i give money to my sister because she's a single mom. i give money to my parents so they can keep their house. i do not have thousands of dollars to put up front for the companies goals. the companies goals are not my responsibility. my responsibility is to my family.
&#x200b;
am i an asshole? am i not being a "team player"? i've worked for this company for 10 years and i have given it my all. but i refuse to use my own damn funds on a trip that they want me on. if the company wants me there, the company can bloody well pay to have me there.
&#x200b;
and if i do refuse, will i be seen at work as the uncooperative one who's name will coincidentally get to the top of the chopping block come belt tightening time because of this?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/diu54m/aita_for_refusing_to_use_my_personal_credit_card/
|
2019-10-16 19:13:16
|
nah, just talk to them about it, let them know you don't have any available room on your credit card.
my job is ~30% travel, and i often have to use my personal card because rental car companies won't accept my company-issued card since it doesn't have my name on it, so they probably aren't trying to put you out purposefully.
|
this is in fact definitely how it works, and in any organized company you'll get your reimbursement within a couple of days of submitting your expense report.
if you can't pay it up front, tell them that. they can arrange for someone else to cover it (i have done that for a coworker before) or for you to get a company card to use.
nta for not knowing this, and nta if you refuse because you can't float the money, but ywbta if you refuse on some principle that you have just because you didn't know about it.
|
no judgment, but i wanted to tell you that this is how it usually works. you pay and then they reimburse you. some companies reimburse you immediately and others wait for months.
|
esh.
just fyi, this is a perk that most people wish they had. to pay with their own credit card and earn rewards and then have the company pay you back. it's literally free money for you. you're the asshole for having such a string reaction against something that benefits you.
that being said, the company should also have a way to purchase tickets for people who refuse to put the charges on their own cards. so the company is an asshole for not having something in place to handle people like you who refuse free money.
|
info - is this the first time you've traveled with this company and is this company policy? my company does in fact ask me to do this and many companies do, however i'm able to ask our office manager to book for me instead if i ever don't want to book myself, and then she'll book on her company card (om's have one, the rest of the staff don't.)
|
esh.
if the company is reimbursing you, then they **are** paying for your expenses. stop acting like they're making you spend your money and it's disappearing for good. reimbursement is very common for a lot of expenses you incur on company time.
that being said, a rental car and a week's hotel accommodations can be a whole lot to pay at once, and it sounds a little unreasonable (although i don't know the total cost or your ability to cover it). see if you can get a guarantee in writing on a quick turnaround on reimbursement, or talk to someone about using a company credit line on it.
|
yta- they are paying for this trip. this is the norm at many companies. you pay, submit your receipts, and get reimbursed. there are companies that give you corporate cards, but only if you will be incurring costs on a regular basis (which it sounds like you aren’t). if you can’t afford to wait, then ask if they can make alternate arrangements or book on a company card.... but don’t come at them with this indignation.
|
that is indeed how many companies operate
| null | null |
NAH
|
NTA
| null |
ESH
|
INFO
|
ESH
|
YTA
| null | null | null | 0.564545 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: work wants me to travel to another city for a week to complete a project. while i have no problem with traveling, if they will pay for it, they've just informed me that the car rental and hotel booking need to go on my credit card and they will reimburse me for it. &#x200b; that is absurd. is that how business travel actually works? is this what everyone does? &#x200b; i'm sorry but i was in car accident a few weeks back and had to shell out every penny i had for a new car. i give money to my sister because she's a single mom. i give money to my parents so they can keep their house. i do not have thousands of dollars to put up front for the companies goals. the companies goals are not my responsibility. my responsibility is to my family. &#x200b; am i an asshole? am i not being a "team player"? i've worked for this company for 10 years and i have given it my all. but i refuse to use my own damn funds on a trip that they want me on. if the company wants me there, the company can bloody well pay to have me there. &#x200b; and if i do refuse, will i be seen at work as the uncooperative one who's name will coincidentally get to the top of the chopping block come belt tightening time because of this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
work wants me to travel to another city for a week to complete a project. while i have no problem with traveling, if they will pay for it, they've just informed me that the car rental and hotel booking need to go on my credit card and they will reimburse me for it. &#x200b; that is absurd. is that how business travel actually works? is this what everyone does? &#x200b; i'm sorry but i was in car accident a few weeks back and had to shell out every penny i had for a new car. i give money to my sister because she's a single mom. i give money to my parents so they can keep their house. i do not have thousands of dollars to put up front for the companies goals. the companies goals are not my responsibility. my responsibility is to my family. &#x200b; am i an asshole? am i not being a "team player"? i've worked for this company for 10 years and i have given it my all. but i refuse to use my own damn funds on a trip that they want me on. if the company wants me there, the company can bloody well pay to have me there. &#x200b; and if i do refuse, will i be seen at work as the uncooperative one who's name will coincidentally get to the top of the chopping block come belt tightening time because of this? [/INST] nah, just talk to them about it, let them know you don't have any available room on your credit card. my job is ~30% travel, and i often have to use my personal card because rental car companies won't accept my company-issued card since it doesn't have my name on it, so they probably aren't trying to put you out purposefully. </s>
|
AITA for leaving the Airbnb all day?
|
i 51f traveled to a beach city with my daughter 21f and her 3 friends 21f, 23f and 23f. it's a 1 week trip. now i am not the only mom that came. the other mother, let's call her jenn is annoying. i am very close with my daughter, jenn is obsessed with her daughter. like her daughter can't do anything without her. jenn and i agreed to come in this trip to help lower the cost of the airbnb per person so the girls wouldn't have to pay so much.
i had no intention of tagging along with these girls, i am to old and i hate crowds.the only time i spend with the girls is making them breakfast and i find so nice because it's calm and we just talk. i spent my first 2 days here occupying myself by the pool reading or tanning. jenn can't stand that her daughter is out without her. she is begging me to tag along with the girls so she not the only mom out. i keep telling her no because they are just out having fun. she checks her daughters location like every 10mins them comes to me saying she so bored and just want us to go check on them because she's worried. i'm not, they are adults i have full trust in my daughter and if she just in trouble were are in the same city, i literally dgaf what they are doing.
now today i found some museum tickets and mani- pedi stuff on groupon. i asked her if she wanted to join me she said she would think about it , would depend on what the girls are doing so i went alone. it was awesome. she texted me constantly because she didn't wanna be in the house alone. made her daughter come back from the beach to stay with her because--- anxiety. jenn and her daughter are calling me ta because i wasn't considering things she wanted to do.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tu4v30/aita_for_leaving_the_airbnb_all_day/
|
2022-04-01 23:36:13
|
nta. vacation is vacation. it's not your job to look out for another middle-aged adult.
|
nta
jenn and her daughter both suck
|
nta. you offered and she never answered. if she can't entertain herself at our stage in life (i'm up there too!), she will never be able to. enjoy your vacation, tell jen's daughter to turn off her phone (or forget it at the airbnb) and to have fun.
|
nta. you went along to help them financially with the trip. you did not volunteer to supply entertainment for jenn.
you did not consider what jenn wanted to do? you knew what she wanted to do which was to bug the hell out of her daughter.
|
nta. she sounds suffocating. you, nor her daughter are her minder.
|
nta. i would’ve silenced jenn’s texts/calls and had the day to enjoy myself. i feel a little bad she’s got that much anxiety over her daughter; it’s not a way to live. regardless though, it’s not your issue. you’re paying to be there, it’s your vacation, spend it how you’d like.
|
‘..she’s so bored and just wants us to check on them because she’s worried.’ yeeaah..
she wants to have you as leverage, or say that ‘[you] wanted so badly to go’, to be able to go with her daughter. while her daughter might want her there, the group might not be so open to it. with you also ‘wanting’ to go, they might just be swayed since you also helped pay for the trip.
nta. she needs to chill out. if her daughter have no issue with her clinginess then that’s okay, but she can’t expect others to be as wacky-wacky as her. nor can her daughter expect someone to babysit a middle-aged adult with no sense of boundaries. if she wants to go with, she can do it alone, but i doubt she would since she knows what a bad look it is.
|
nta, you sound like a cool mom. maybe go along with them once or twice so they can have you, who would probably add to the fun, instead of jenn to deal with
|
nta. you guys are there so they would be able to pay less. your on vacation and your still cooking for them. your doing more than enough. it not your fault that this mom has absolutely no trust in her daughter. your there on vacation go enjoy it. put your phone on mute. today you went for a mani pedi. i say tomorrow you go to the spa and a different museum.
|
nta jenn and her daughter should have gone on a separate trip. they sound...off.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i 51f traveled to a beach city with my daughter 21f and her 3 friends 21f, 23f and 23f. it's a 1 week trip. now i am not the only mom that came. the other mother, let's call her jenn is annoying. i am very close with my daughter, jenn is obsessed with her daughter. like her daughter can't do anything without her. jenn and i agreed to come in this trip to help lower the cost of the airbnb per person so the girls wouldn't have to pay so much. i had no intention of tagging along with these girls, i am to old and i hate crowds.the only time i spend with the girls is making them breakfast and i find so nice because it's calm and we just talk. i spent my first 2 days here occupying myself by the pool reading or tanning. jenn can't stand that her daughter is out without her. she is begging me to tag along with the girls so she not the only mom out. i keep telling her no because they are just out having fun. she checks her daughters location like every 10mins them comes to me saying she so bored and just want us to go check on them because she's worried. i'm not, they are adults i have full trust in my daughter and if she just in trouble were are in the same city, i literally dgaf what they are doing. now today i found some museum tickets and mani- pedi stuff on groupon. i asked her if she wanted to join me she said she would think about it , would depend on what the girls are doing so i went alone. it was awesome. she texted me constantly because she didn't wanna be in the house alone. made her daughter come back from the beach to stay with her because--- anxiety. jenn and her daughter are calling me ta because i wasn't considering things she wanted to do.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i 51f traveled to a beach city with my daughter 21f and her 3 friends 21f, 23f and 23f. it's a 1 week trip. now i am not the only mom that came. the other mother, let's call her jenn is annoying. i am very close with my daughter, jenn is obsessed with her daughter. like her daughter can't do anything without her. jenn and i agreed to come in this trip to help lower the cost of the airbnb per person so the girls wouldn't have to pay so much. i had no intention of tagging along with these girls, i am to old and i hate crowds.the only time i spend with the girls is making them breakfast and i find so nice because it's calm and we just talk. i spent my first 2 days here occupying myself by the pool reading or tanning. jenn can't stand that her daughter is out without her. she is begging me to tag along with the girls so she not the only mom out. i keep telling her no because they are just out having fun. she checks her daughters location like every 10mins them comes to me saying she so bored and just want us to go check on them because she's worried. i'm not, they are adults i have full trust in my daughter and if she just in trouble were are in the same city, i literally dgaf what they are doing. now today i found some museum tickets and mani- pedi stuff on groupon. i asked her if she wanted to join me she said she would think about it , would depend on what the girls are doing so i went alone. it was awesome. she texted me constantly because she didn't wanna be in the house alone. made her daughter come back from the beach to stay with her because--- anxiety. jenn and her daughter are calling me ta because i wasn't considering things she wanted to do. [/INST] nta. vacation is vacation. it's not your job to look out for another middle-aged adult. </s>
|
AITA for saying no to my boyfriend when it comes to seeing his friends and family?
|
i (22f) have been with my boyfriend (22m) for just over two and a half years now and we currently live together and have done for a few months. i have a driving license and my own car and have done since 2019 but my boyfriend doesn’t.
as we met through tinder; initially there was distance between us (approx. an hour round trip) and i was always the one who made that drive between each of our houses since the very first time we met. only once has his mum ever helped with driving him to my house to see me and that is still the case to this day.
none of his friends have their licenses either and the only one who does, has a motorbike one which naturally means it limits him when it comes to taking passengers.
throughout our entire relationship i have been the one to drive either him, his friends or his family places 99.9% of the time, with only a handful of occasions where this hasn’t been the case. once i went as far to do a three hour plus round trip driving to help out his mum and his sister and his sisters family get shopping and go between all of their houses also. just to add both his mum and sister have cars of their own that could’ve been used instead of mine.
i am always the one who takes my boyfriend to his friends houses or his friends to our house. it seems as though they don’t even attempt to arrange their own transport anymore, as my boyfriend always tells them it’s okay because i can pick them up/drop them off, always without asking me first. he only mentions this to me after he’s made the arrangements with everyone and then if i do anything other that be in complete agreement, he becomes angry and acts as though i’m being selfish or purposely trying to ruin his plans and creates a horrible environment in the home.
the cost of living is bad enough as it is and at the peak of driving everyone around, i could spend £250 upwards on petrol a month. this isn’t something i can afford especially not recently, as i have been off sick after a life threatening medical condition that left me hospitalised and i have been relying on barely a third of my usual minimum wage through sick pay to get by.
i know he has made plans tomorrow to see two of his friends, both of which live two different sides of our city and i already know his expectation is that i will be going to pick them both up and then drop them both off afterwards and it’s not really something i want to do. i’m already hosting them all in my home (which is another thing that hasn’t been discussed with me first) and i’ve already had my tank drained just yesterday by taking him to see a different friend who lives a two hour plus round trip away from us.
i don’t want him to get angry at me if i refuse but i also don’t want to seem like the stereotypical ‘controlling girlfriend’ as i would be the only thing standing in the way of him being able to see his friends due to being the only one with a license and causing their plans to cancel last minute. aita?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xy8dtx/aita_for_saying_no_to_my_boyfriend_when_it_comes/
|
2022-10-07 19:47:39
|
nta
>i also don’t want to seem like the stereotypical ‘controlling girlfriend
this man has manipulated you so badly that you think not playing chauffeur for him and his friends makes you controlling. girl.
your time is just as valuable as his. you both only have 24 hours in a day. why are you allowing him to give your time away like it has no value? he doesn't even bother to check with you before speaking for you. you are acting like his servant, not his partner.
|
you have multiple serious problems here.
\- you're being endlessly taken advantage of (used) by your boyfriend, his friends, and his family. i'm assuming no one even offers to pay you for petrol.
\- worse, you mention multiple times that he becomes angry when he is told no or things don't go his way. his behavior is manipulative and abusive.
you're concerned you'll be seen as a "controlling girlfriend" when what you have is a "controlling boyfriend".
this is not a safe situation or a healthy relationship, and i would strongly encourage you to speak with a professional if possible.
nta
|
nta. i'm confused. are you his girlfriend or his mother? in either event he needs to grow up and get a license. or learn how to take public transportation.
|
nta. but come on, are you really still putting up with this? he, his friends, and his family are all taking advantage of you and you’ve been letting them.
|
nta unless you keep enabling him..you are not controlling..but stop doing this..he will never get his license if you keep enabling him..why would he..he has his chauffeur. does he at least work?
|
nta but you need to stop and realize that you're being taken advantage of. you've let him use you for so long that it's just the unspoken expectation. sit him down and let him know you will no longer be his or his friends and family free taxi. if his family or friends want rides, they need to contribute to fuel costs, give you advanced warning, and ask instead of assuming you're free and willing
|
nta. he can study and get his license. you are off work sick and are not making the usual amount. tell him you are sick, don't feel like driving and don't have the petrol.
it's concerning that he gets angry at you if you don't do everything he planned and without ever asking you. this sounds abusive. you actually think that you're being controlling because you don't want to haul him and his family & friends around, while being sick and without being asked?
he sounds like the selfish and controlling one honestly.
|
nta for saying no
but...yta if you don't dump his awful freeloading butt
|
nta, he can make an effort to get a license, you're his partner, not his friend and family uber service
|
you are being abused.
you can't be a controlling girlfriend because you're too scared of him, just as he's trained you to be. he just calls you controlling to confuse you, and it's working.
what should happen is he should ask you first if you'll give him a ride to his friend. if you say yes, then he should call that friend and make plans. finally, you drive him.
your next ride should be to a safe location away from him. perhaps back to your family?
please leave before his anger turns violent.
nta
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (22f) have been with my boyfriend (22m) for just over two and a half years now and we currently live together and have done for a few months. i have a driving license and my own car and have done since 2019 but my boyfriend doesn’t. as we met through tinder; initially there was distance between us (approx. an hour round trip) and i was always the one who made that drive between each of our houses since the very first time we met. only once has his mum ever helped with driving him to my house to see me and that is still the case to this day. none of his friends have their licenses either and the only one who does, has a motorbike one which naturally means it limits him when it comes to taking passengers. throughout our entire relationship i have been the one to drive either him, his friends or his family places 99.9% of the time, with only a handful of occasions where this hasn’t been the case. once i went as far to do a three hour plus round trip driving to help out his mum and his sister and his sisters family get shopping and go between all of their houses also. just to add both his mum and sister have cars of their own that could’ve been used instead of mine. i am always the one who takes my boyfriend to his friends houses or his friends to our house. it seems as though they don’t even attempt to arrange their own transport anymore, as my boyfriend always tells them it’s okay because i can pick them up/drop them off, always without asking me first. he only mentions this to me after he’s made the arrangements with everyone and then if i do anything other that be in complete agreement, he becomes angry and acts as though i’m being selfish or purposely trying to ruin his plans and creates a horrible environment in the home. the cost of living is bad enough as it is and at the peak of driving everyone around, i could spend £250 upwards on petrol a month. this isn’t something i can afford especially not recently, as i have been off sick after a life threatening medical condition that left me hospitalised and i have been relying on barely a third of my usual minimum wage through sick pay to get by. i know he has made plans tomorrow to see two of his friends, both of which live two different sides of our city and i already know his expectation is that i will be going to pick them both up and then drop them both off afterwards and it’s not really something i want to do. i’m already hosting them all in my home (which is another thing that hasn’t been discussed with me first) and i’ve already had my tank drained just yesterday by taking him to see a different friend who lives a two hour plus round trip away from us. i don’t want him to get angry at me if i refuse but i also don’t want to seem like the stereotypical ‘controlling girlfriend’ as i would be the only thing standing in the way of him being able to see his friends due to being the only one with a license and causing their plans to cancel last minute. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) have been with my boyfriend (22m) for just over two and a half years now and we currently live together and have done for a few months. i have a driving license and my own car and have done since 2019 but my boyfriend doesn’t. as we met through tinder; initially there was distance between us (approx. an hour round trip) and i was always the one who made that drive between each of our houses since the very first time we met. only once has his mum ever helped with driving him to my house to see me and that is still the case to this day. none of his friends have their licenses either and the only one who does, has a motorbike one which naturally means it limits him when it comes to taking passengers. throughout our entire relationship i have been the one to drive either him, his friends or his family places 99.9% of the time, with only a handful of occasions where this hasn’t been the case. once i went as far to do a three hour plus round trip driving to help out his mum and his sister and his sisters family get shopping and go between all of their houses also. just to add both his mum and sister have cars of their own that could’ve been used instead of mine. i am always the one who takes my boyfriend to his friends houses or his friends to our house. it seems as though they don’t even attempt to arrange their own transport anymore, as my boyfriend always tells them it’s okay because i can pick them up/drop them off, always without asking me first. he only mentions this to me after he’s made the arrangements with everyone and then if i do anything other that be in complete agreement, he becomes angry and acts as though i’m being selfish or purposely trying to ruin his plans and creates a horrible environment in the home. the cost of living is bad enough as it is and at the peak of driving everyone around, i could spend £250 upwards on petrol a month. this isn’t something i can afford especially not recently, as i have been off sick after a life threatening medical condition that left me hospitalised and i have been relying on barely a third of my usual minimum wage through sick pay to get by. i know he has made plans tomorrow to see two of his friends, both of which live two different sides of our city and i already know his expectation is that i will be going to pick them both up and then drop them both off afterwards and it’s not really something i want to do. i’m already hosting them all in my home (which is another thing that hasn’t been discussed with me first) and i’ve already had my tank drained just yesterday by taking him to see a different friend who lives a two hour plus round trip away from us. i don’t want him to get angry at me if i refuse but i also don’t want to seem like the stereotypical ‘controlling girlfriend’ as i would be the only thing standing in the way of him being able to see his friends due to being the only one with a license and causing their plans to cancel last minute. aita? [/INST] nta >i also don’t want to seem like the stereotypical ‘controlling girlfriend this man has manipulated you so badly that you think not playing chauffeur for him and his friends makes you controlling. girl. your time is just as valuable as his. you both only have 24 hours in a day. why are you allowing him to give your time away like it has no value? he doesn't even bother to check with you before speaking for you. you are acting like his servant, not his partner. </s>
|
AITA for not getting excited over a pregnancy announcement?
|
for some background, i live with two roommates. not that important, but thought i'd add it
recently, they had a friend stay over. while dinner plans were being made, the friend told us that she's on dietary restrictions at the moment, and told us that she's pregnant
my roommates were thrilled, congratulating her and asking her questions
i didn't react. i just nodded my head some and went on with what i was doing
(i partially blame my lack of reactions on the fact that i'm autistic, but that's a different story)
the friend seemed fine at first, but later in the evening my roommate pulled me to the side and told me that i really hurt her feelings by not congratulating her. i apologized, but told them that it's not something i can really lose my mind over like they did
apparently the friend was listening, because she starts crying over how i don't care and that she 'just wanted to feel supported'
i started feeling guilty, so i did what i always do when my emotions start to get to me. i went to my room to hide and cool off
next thing i know, i'm being accused of not caring and trying to avoid the situation and get away with 'making her cry'
truthfully, no. i didn't care. i don't care about things like babies and such (i flat out dislike being around babies, to the point where i don't even go near my cousin's son), and have never been a person to get overly hyped about things that don't interest me.
it's been a bit since then, and everything's cooled down for the most part. but it's still bothering me.
was i the asshole? was i in the wrong? could i have been better about this?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vik2m5/aita_for_not_getting_excited_over_a_pregnancy/
|
2022-06-23 00:41:38
|
nta. it would’ve been nice to congratulate her i guess, but i don’t understand why this woman is getting upset that a near-total stranger isn‘t getting excited about her pregnancy. the world doesn’t revolve around her, and she was getting support from her friends.
|
nta she's nothing to you and the kid isn't yours so of course you don't care you fon't owe her a congratulations. she needs to get over herself.
|
nta. there is a socially expected response to the announcement (congratulations, when's your due date, etc). however in this context it was sharing of medically relevant information for the purpose of choosing where to eat dinner. the equivalent of saying you can't eat at a certain restaurant because they cook everything in peanut oil and you're allergic. unless this person expected you personally to be part of their support system i'm not sure why everyone is making such a big deal about it.
i have kids of my own and generally like babies and still don't think your response was out of line. you were ordering dinner, not attending a baby shower where you're expected to dote on the guest of honor.
|
nta. people need to own their emotions and reactions. you don't owe anyone validation. "i'm sorry i didn't react the way you wanted but i'm allowed to feel my own feelings".
|
nah but come on it’s not that hard to just say congratulations
|
oh gosh. this reminds me of the time someone i had just met told me they were pregnant and i wasn't paying close enough attention... instinctively i responded with "i'm sorry" (which is how i would have felt if i'd been the pregnant one). this did not go over well. at all.
you're nta. as a person, you have the right to have your own emotions, to care or not care about things.
as an autistic person who has to participate in society, you have to do a little extra work to notice and recognize the emotions of the people around you. it's not fair that your friends expect certain feelings or expressions from you, but you have to meet them halfway if you want to be friends with nt people.
maybe you can train yourself to say some generic encouraging words when you see people being all happy and congratulating each other. it might feel kinda "fake" to do this, but it's worth it to avoid a longer, more unpleasant conversation.
|
nta. i feel the same way about babies, and don't get excited when my friends have kids/make pregnancy announcements, etc. don't let it bother you. if you'll feel better about it, just ask them to pass along your congrats and an apology.
|
nta
you're not close to her so i don't know what she was expecting or why she cried about it. that part just seems weird. so for future reference when people announce pregnancies, engagements etc the proper response is to smile(if possible) and congratulate them.
personally i dont get it either but think of it as more of congratulating them on their happiness than on you actually caring about it. that's what helps me through these tedious situations. i don't care about marriage or babies either, but if it makes them happy i'm genuinely happy that something good is happening in their life.
|
nta, i feel the same, i despise babies and can't exactly feel excited about pregnancy itself. but come on, you should congratulate her. the thing is, even if we are two peas in a pot on that, there are people who are excited about babies and it is a big deal to them.
see it this way- acting indifferent is invalidating their feelings, their moment.
you don't have to care, neither do i. but congratulate her, tell her you're happy to see her so excited about it, and wish her well on her pregnancy. that's the bare minimum and what i usually do as well. right afterwards you can get back to not giving a fuck.
|
nta. don’t see any universe i’d be upset because someone didn’t congratulate me for something. she needs to get over herself and stop expecting the world to fall all over itself because she’s doing something.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for some background, i live with two roommates. not that important, but thought i'd add it recently, they had a friend stay over. while dinner plans were being made, the friend told us that she's on dietary restrictions at the moment, and told us that she's pregnant my roommates were thrilled, congratulating her and asking her questions i didn't react. i just nodded my head some and went on with what i was doing (i partially blame my lack of reactions on the fact that i'm autistic, but that's a different story) the friend seemed fine at first, but later in the evening my roommate pulled me to the side and told me that i really hurt her feelings by not congratulating her. i apologized, but told them that it's not something i can really lose my mind over like they did apparently the friend was listening, because she starts crying over how i don't care and that she 'just wanted to feel supported' i started feeling guilty, so i did what i always do when my emotions start to get to me. i went to my room to hide and cool off next thing i know, i'm being accused of not caring and trying to avoid the situation and get away with 'making her cry' truthfully, no. i didn't care. i don't care about things like babies and such (i flat out dislike being around babies, to the point where i don't even go near my cousin's son), and have never been a person to get overly hyped about things that don't interest me. it's been a bit since then, and everything's cooled down for the most part. but it's still bothering me. was i the asshole? was i in the wrong? could i have been better about this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for some background, i live with two roommates. not that important, but thought i'd add it recently, they had a friend stay over. while dinner plans were being made, the friend told us that she's on dietary restrictions at the moment, and told us that she's pregnant my roommates were thrilled, congratulating her and asking her questions i didn't react. i just nodded my head some and went on with what i was doing (i partially blame my lack of reactions on the fact that i'm autistic, but that's a different story) the friend seemed fine at first, but later in the evening my roommate pulled me to the side and told me that i really hurt her feelings by not congratulating her. i apologized, but told them that it's not something i can really lose my mind over like they did apparently the friend was listening, because she starts crying over how i don't care and that she 'just wanted to feel supported' i started feeling guilty, so i did what i always do when my emotions start to get to me. i went to my room to hide and cool off next thing i know, i'm being accused of not caring and trying to avoid the situation and get away with 'making her cry' truthfully, no. i didn't care. i don't care about things like babies and such (i flat out dislike being around babies, to the point where i don't even go near my cousin's son), and have never been a person to get overly hyped about things that don't interest me. it's been a bit since then, and everything's cooled down for the most part. but it's still bothering me. was i the asshole? was i in the wrong? could i have been better about this? [/INST] nta. it would’ve been nice to congratulate her i guess, but i don’t understand why this woman is getting upset that a near-total stranger isn‘t getting excited about her pregnancy. the world doesn’t revolve around her, and she was getting support from her friends. </s>
|
AITA For "Implying" That My Terrible Job Coach Is Useless?
|
i (23f) have asperger's syndrome. sometimes i say the wrong thing and misunderstand what other people are saying. i have gotten better at hiding my condition with therapy and practice but sometimes misunderstandings still occasionally happen. mom thought i needed a job coach because of this so she convinced me to apply to a disability services for a free one. i guess you get what you pay for because this coach was awful and unprofessional. the biggest thing i needed help with was register training because i struggle with math which she refused to help me with and even implied that i was stupid for not knowing basic, high school math. she cost me my dream job by telling the interviewer that i was "severely autistic" and to "dumb down the interview questions" in her own words and then pet her service dog! the only thing remotely useful she would do is fill out my applications so i didn't have to when one day, she had the audacity to imply that i should fill out a few. i initially wanted to say: "w.t.f. do i need you for then?!" but i chose my next words very carefully since i'm often chewed out by my mom for verbally snapping at people. here's where i might be t.a: i ended up saying. "wouldn't that defeat the purpose of me having a job coach?" she finally shut up and did her job but mom says i was rude. dad found it hilarious but said i basically implied she was useless. even my therapist said i shouldn't have said anything. aita?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/io8wwd/aita_for_implying_that_my_terrible_job_coach_is/
|
2020-09-07 14:58:20
|
nta. if she treats you that badly and is failing at fulfilling the bare minimum responsabilities for her working position then she deserved to get called out on it. i understand that it's nothing cool to be saying that to people and that the more correct/mature way to go about it was to switch to another coach and possible reviewing her as a professional with her superiors/on a review system, but c'mon, you're entitled to feel some type of way about such a shitty coach.
|
esh.
sounds like she's not the right job coach for you and was doing a horrible job at other things... insulting you is definitely not ok... and i honestly can't see any position where talking you down is going to help you get a job... so if that's really how that went down, then she's an ah for that.
on the other hand... she's your job **coach.** a job coach is supposed to get you ready to enter the work force... and part of that is, well, filling out the applications. she's not your personal employment secretary. she's meant to prepare you so you can do this all on your own. asking you to fill out a few applications so you get used to the process and hopefully do it all yourself one day? seems like a reasonable request to me.
|
nta maybe you shouldn't have said anything in the first place but whatever you did say is completely excusable given how hideously bad you say your job coach is.
|
nta. i’m not autistic but that seems like a fair (it pretty funny) question to me. she wasn’t doing her job or providing the things you were led to believe she’d provide, so asking what the benefit of the continued professional relationship is makes sense.
|
nta. cut your losses and move on.
|
nta that was incredibly measured considering how rude, unprofessional, insulting, and generally unhelpful she seems to have been. i would report her to the service cause given her ableist comments she seems unsuited to be working for a disability service.
|
nta, and your relationship with her should’ve stopped the second she started badmouthing you to your interviewer. that is *literally* the opposite of her job.
she sounds like someone who actively looks down on autistic people and thinks they’re incapable/child-like. that type of person has *no* business working with autistic people.
i would file a complaint about her, telling her supervisor that she, a “job coach,” cost you a job by insulting and belittling you in an interview.
|
nta, but it was the wrong way to go. i agree that this coach is not working out for you. talk to the agency about switching people. that's not hostile or anything, it just acknowledges the problems you have working with this one.
good luck and hang in there. it might take a while and be frustrating, but eventually you should find your niche!
| null | null |
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (23f) have asperger's syndrome. sometimes i say the wrong thing and misunderstand what other people are saying. i have gotten better at hiding my condition with therapy and practice but sometimes misunderstandings still occasionally happen. mom thought i needed a job coach because of this so she convinced me to apply to a disability services for a free one. i guess you get what you pay for because this coach was awful and unprofessional. the biggest thing i needed help with was register training because i struggle with math which she refused to help me with and even implied that i was stupid for not knowing basic, high school math. she cost me my dream job by telling the interviewer that i was "severely autistic" and to "dumb down the interview questions" in her own words and then pet her service dog! the only thing remotely useful she would do is fill out my applications so i didn't have to when one day, she had the audacity to imply that i should fill out a few. i initially wanted to say: "w.t.f. do i need you for then?!" but i chose my next words very carefully since i'm often chewed out by my mom for verbally snapping at people. here's where i might be t.a: i ended up saying. "wouldn't that defeat the purpose of me having a job coach?" she finally shut up and did her job but mom says i was rude. dad found it hilarious but said i basically implied she was useless. even my therapist said i shouldn't have said anything. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (23f) have asperger's syndrome. sometimes i say the wrong thing and misunderstand what other people are saying. i have gotten better at hiding my condition with therapy and practice but sometimes misunderstandings still occasionally happen. mom thought i needed a job coach because of this so she convinced me to apply to a disability services for a free one. i guess you get what you pay for because this coach was awful and unprofessional. the biggest thing i needed help with was register training because i struggle with math which she refused to help me with and even implied that i was stupid for not knowing basic, high school math. she cost me my dream job by telling the interviewer that i was "severely autistic" and to "dumb down the interview questions" in her own words and then pet her service dog! the only thing remotely useful she would do is fill out my applications so i didn't have to when one day, she had the audacity to imply that i should fill out a few. i initially wanted to say: "w.t.f. do i need you for then?!" but i chose my next words very carefully since i'm often chewed out by my mom for verbally snapping at people. here's where i might be t.a: i ended up saying. "wouldn't that defeat the purpose of me having a job coach?" she finally shut up and did her job but mom says i was rude. dad found it hilarious but said i basically implied she was useless. even my therapist said i shouldn't have said anything. aita? [/INST] nta. if she treats you that badly and is failing at fulfilling the bare minimum responsabilities for her working position then she deserved to get called out on it. i understand that it's nothing cool to be saying that to people and that the more correct/mature way to go about it was to switch to another coach and possible reviewing her as a professional with her superiors/on a review system, but c'mon, you're entitled to feel some type of way about such a shitty coach. </s>
|
AITA for locking my car for a homeless guy?
|
i'm on my phone, sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors.
okay so i don't feel that in the wrong but i told one of my friends about this and they got pretty pissed off at me. apparently i was discriminating and dehumanizing a vulnerable person (and that i was racist because the man was black). i think i was justified but i am open to judgment.
i had to make a run to the ups store, which is in a strip mall. as i was leaving i ended up stopped behind this car who was having a conversation with the homeless man before giving him money and turning right onto the busy road. as i pulled forward the man started walking towards my car, i'm assuming to ask for money, but i waved him.
he didn't stop walking towards me, though, and started walking to towards the back of my car and instinctual i locked my car doors. the locks are stupid loud and thr guy totally noticed. he started ridiculing me, a scared white lady, and had a few choice words about me discriminating against him (i have an electric car so i can hear everything outside my car). i just ignored him until i had the chance to turn right.
i know we are supposed to treat homeless people as humans and with respect, but i did nothing i wouldn't do with any other person in the same situation. twice i've had a homeless guy or a sketchy person try to or successfully gotten into my back seat and i don't take chances now.
do reddit, did i handle this wrong? aita who needs to check their privledge?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yx7g0q/aita_for_locking_my_car_for_a_homeless_guy/
|
2022-11-16 21:53:11
|
nta. unfortunately, women have to be on alert for any kind of opportunistic violence when we're alone. they teach us to walk with our keys between our fingertips and not pick up hitchhikers for this very reason.
i do not care if a man looks like he has millions of dollars in the bank, if he is walking towards my car, i will lock my doors.
|
nta
homeless, housed, black, white, man, woman, doesn't matter. i'm not an uber driver and no one but me has the right to approach my car.
|
nta - your safety needs to be your first concern, and if it was sketchy then lock the doors. honestly, i'm surprised your car doesn't automatically lock the doors - mine does when i hit about 7mph.
|
nta, treating people with respect goes both ways, and aggressively approaching people in their cars who are trying to wave you off isn't very respectful
|
nta, better safe than sorry, especially if you have had it happen to you before. that is scary.
|
uhhh nta, but... do people really drive around with their car doors unlocked in the first place!? like people don't automatically lock their doors once they/their passengers are inside?
|
nta, you don't know what he could have been trying to do and better safe than sorry.
|
nta. when my husband runs into a store & i stay in the car alone i lock my car doors so someone can’t just open one & hope in. i also never leave the windows down far enough for someone to reach their arm in & hit the lock/unlock button. when someone starts walking towards my car i don’t care what race they are, what their appearance is or what their social status appears to be i always immediately double check my locks to make sure they’re locked.
it’s called taking safety precautions. not racism, discrimination or dehumanizing behavior.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm on my phone, sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors. okay so i don't feel that in the wrong but i told one of my friends about this and they got pretty pissed off at me. apparently i was discriminating and dehumanizing a vulnerable person (and that i was racist because the man was black). i think i was justified but i am open to judgment. i had to make a run to the ups store, which is in a strip mall. as i was leaving i ended up stopped behind this car who was having a conversation with the homeless man before giving him money and turning right onto the busy road. as i pulled forward the man started walking towards my car, i'm assuming to ask for money, but i waved him. he didn't stop walking towards me, though, and started walking to towards the back of my car and instinctual i locked my car doors. the locks are stupid loud and thr guy totally noticed. he started ridiculing me, a scared white lady, and had a few choice words about me discriminating against him (i have an electric car so i can hear everything outside my car). i just ignored him until i had the chance to turn right. i know we are supposed to treat homeless people as humans and with respect, but i did nothing i wouldn't do with any other person in the same situation. twice i've had a homeless guy or a sketchy person try to or successfully gotten into my back seat and i don't take chances now. do reddit, did i handle this wrong? aita who needs to check their privledge?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm on my phone, sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors. okay so i don't feel that in the wrong but i told one of my friends about this and they got pretty pissed off at me. apparently i was discriminating and dehumanizing a vulnerable person (and that i was racist because the man was black). i think i was justified but i am open to judgment. i had to make a run to the ups store, which is in a strip mall. as i was leaving i ended up stopped behind this car who was having a conversation with the homeless man before giving him money and turning right onto the busy road. as i pulled forward the man started walking towards my car, i'm assuming to ask for money, but i waved him. he didn't stop walking towards me, though, and started walking to towards the back of my car and instinctual i locked my car doors. the locks are stupid loud and thr guy totally noticed. he started ridiculing me, a scared white lady, and had a few choice words about me discriminating against him (i have an electric car so i can hear everything outside my car). i just ignored him until i had the chance to turn right. i know we are supposed to treat homeless people as humans and with respect, but i did nothing i wouldn't do with any other person in the same situation. twice i've had a homeless guy or a sketchy person try to or successfully gotten into my back seat and i don't take chances now. do reddit, did i handle this wrong? aita who needs to check their privledge? [/INST] nta. unfortunately, women have to be on alert for any kind of opportunistic violence when we're alone. they teach us to walk with our keys between our fingertips and not pick up hitchhikers for this very reason. i do not care if a man looks like he has millions of dollars in the bank, if he is walking towards my car, i will lock my doors. </s>
|
AITA for feeding my friends crickets?
|
for a little context: my group of friends is pretty tight knit and have known each other forever. all of us share a common love of cooking, grow food in our gardens, brew our own beer/kombucha, and like to experiment with ingredients.
one of my friends recently hosted an end of summer potluck and all of the usual suspects were there. everyone made something and most people’s dishes included something they had grown themselves or was a new dish they were experimenting with. my partner and i made some granola bars that used berries from our garden, whole nuts, homemade granola, etc... they looked like normal granola bars. but one of the ingredients that was “invisible” was cricket flower that we used for additional protein and binder for all the other ingredients. it’s important to note that cricket flower is literally just dehydrated crickets that have been ground into a fine powder, so it would be impossible to know what it was just by looking at it.
we put them out on the table with everyone else’s stuff, and later in the day someone asked who brought the bars bc they liked them. we got talking about how we made them, which is pretty common conversation with this group, and i mentioned that one of the ingredients was cricket flower and he made a huge deal about it, saying how gross it is and that is was messed up that i would feed people bugs without telling them what it was. a lot of the other people at the party were pretty grossed out by it too, even tho many of them had already eaten and enjoyed them. i know everyone that was there fairly well and i know their dietary restrictions seeing as we cook for each other all the time.
i feel bad bc yeah, it is an unusual ingredient and some people might find it gross, but i wouldn’t have mentioned anything ahead of time if i had used some other unusual seed or spice (and neither would anyone else in this group). i guess bc this was an insect a lot of people are telling me that it’s different and i should have told everyone ahead of time what was in the bars. am i the asshole here?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d5zzzi/aita_for_feeding_my_friends_crickets/
|
2019-09-18 16:09:43
|
yta. you made food with an ingredient that people would not suspect to be present. you need to tell people that. and it's "flour." an unusual seed or spice is not a bug.
|
yta. that’s definitely an unusual ingredient and something that would register as “gross” for many people. you should have told them.
|
yeah dude, yta. any “surprise” ingredient like this, one you know people will have an emotional reaction to is something you need to let them make the decision on whether or not to eat. taking the fact that they often eat a wide and varied diet for granted to feed them something that isn’t always even recognised as food is kind of underhanded.
also, recipe please? i’m looking for more diverse foods and i would actually love to try those granola bars
|
oh god this exactly like that one where the person put meal worms into a quiche. yta
|
yta i'm pretty adventurous with food, i have eaten cricket before in a taco but i still have to go with yta because it would have just taken 1 second to announce that they were made with cricket flour and whoever wanted to try one would have felt brave and it could have been a cool novelty. like someone else said, eating bug proteins are the future, but we are not there yet,] so not saying anything until after theyve been eaten comes off as deceptive.
|
yta. once you put them on the table, you should have informed people that there was cricket flower in them. let people make the decision for themselves. they may have been good, but some people get grossed out by the idea of insects in their food.
|
yta. you knew they likely would’ve been upset at this. if someone fed me bugs without my knowledge i’d be furious and probably never speak to them again. that’s just not ok
|
info: why did you choose to use cricket flour in your granola bars. and be honest, why didn't you tell them about it?
|
yta, while i personally wouldn't have been offended, i think you need to view this as more of a cultural thing. sounds like in your area people don't eat bugs. if you went somewhere that people generally don't eat pork and you didn't warn people it was a product that contained pork, you'd be the asshole there too. it's common courtesy to be aware of especially abnormal ingredients, and i don't think you can really compare crickets to some kind of spice.
|
yta, you know perfectly well that most people see a big difference between insects and chia seeds. you didn't give them the opportunity to make a choice, you decided they were going to eat bugs whether they wanted to or not.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for a little context: my group of friends is pretty tight knit and have known each other forever. all of us share a common love of cooking, grow food in our gardens, brew our own beer/kombucha, and like to experiment with ingredients. one of my friends recently hosted an end of summer potluck and all of the usual suspects were there. everyone made something and most people’s dishes included something they had grown themselves or was a new dish they were experimenting with. my partner and i made some granola bars that used berries from our garden, whole nuts, homemade granola, etc... they looked like normal granola bars. but one of the ingredients that was “invisible” was cricket flower that we used for additional protein and binder for all the other ingredients. it’s important to note that cricket flower is literally just dehydrated crickets that have been ground into a fine powder, so it would be impossible to know what it was just by looking at it. we put them out on the table with everyone else’s stuff, and later in the day someone asked who brought the bars bc they liked them. we got talking about how we made them, which is pretty common conversation with this group, and i mentioned that one of the ingredients was cricket flower and he made a huge deal about it, saying how gross it is and that is was messed up that i would feed people bugs without telling them what it was. a lot of the other people at the party were pretty grossed out by it too, even tho many of them had already eaten and enjoyed them. i know everyone that was there fairly well and i know their dietary restrictions seeing as we cook for each other all the time. i feel bad bc yeah, it is an unusual ingredient and some people might find it gross, but i wouldn’t have mentioned anything ahead of time if i had used some other unusual seed or spice (and neither would anyone else in this group). i guess bc this was an insect a lot of people are telling me that it’s different and i should have told everyone ahead of time what was in the bars. am i the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for a little context: my group of friends is pretty tight knit and have known each other forever. all of us share a common love of cooking, grow food in our gardens, brew our own beer/kombucha, and like to experiment with ingredients. one of my friends recently hosted an end of summer potluck and all of the usual suspects were there. everyone made something and most people’s dishes included something they had grown themselves or was a new dish they were experimenting with. my partner and i made some granola bars that used berries from our garden, whole nuts, homemade granola, etc... they looked like normal granola bars. but one of the ingredients that was “invisible” was cricket flower that we used for additional protein and binder for all the other ingredients. it’s important to note that cricket flower is literally just dehydrated crickets that have been ground into a fine powder, so it would be impossible to know what it was just by looking at it. we put them out on the table with everyone else’s stuff, and later in the day someone asked who brought the bars bc they liked them. we got talking about how we made them, which is pretty common conversation with this group, and i mentioned that one of the ingredients was cricket flower and he made a huge deal about it, saying how gross it is and that is was messed up that i would feed people bugs without telling them what it was. a lot of the other people at the party were pretty grossed out by it too, even tho many of them had already eaten and enjoyed them. i know everyone that was there fairly well and i know their dietary restrictions seeing as we cook for each other all the time. i feel bad bc yeah, it is an unusual ingredient and some people might find it gross, but i wouldn’t have mentioned anything ahead of time if i had used some other unusual seed or spice (and neither would anyone else in this group). i guess bc this was an insect a lot of people are telling me that it’s different and i should have told everyone ahead of time what was in the bars. am i the asshole here? [/INST] yta. you made food with an ingredient that people would not suspect to be present. you need to tell people that. and it's "flour." an unusual seed or spice is not a bug. </s>
|
AITA Mother in law is mad at me but won't talk to me about it
|
hi everyone! last night my mother in law had my 3 month old son at hers for a sleepover. she messaged me saying "hi there's no panadol in his baby bag he needs some for his gums he's been dribbling a lot, is (my partner) home?". i replied with "if he isn't in pain he doesn't need panadol". she didn't mention anything about him being in pain, only that he was dribbling and that isn't a reason to give him medicine. when she brought him home today she blatantly ignored me, didn't say a single word. she said goodbye to her son (my partner) and walked out. my partner followed and asked what was wrong and she replied with "i'm pissed off because he was screaming but i was told (by me) that i couldn't give him panadol.
she never said he was in pain. she never told me that he was screaming. only that he was dribbling. she came into my home, cold shouldered me and then bitched to my partner outside about her issue with me. did i take her message the wrong way or did she send too vague of a description of his actual pain level?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/amqbua/aita_mother_in_law_is_mad_at_me_but_wont_talk_to/
|
2019-02-03 15:09:34
|
nta - strap in, op. this could be a long and frustrating road with your mil.
r/justnomil for support
|
nta.
she's a liar, don't leave your baby with her. she either kept the info from you about your baby being in pain and screaming because she didn't want you to come get your baby and bring her home, therefore leaving your child in misery and pain. or she lied to your partner about your baby screaming and you withholding medicine in order to make you look like a bad mother. both are huge red flags. don't allow her to take your child for a sleepover again, and any short visits should be supervised. imo, 3 months is too young for a sleepover. you're the mother, not her. what you say goes, and your partner better back you up. not his mommy.
|
nta / if your child was, in fact, screaming, that’s information you needed to know.
potential asshole is your partner if he doesn’t step in with his mother to on your behalf.
|
nta. this sounds like some serious r/justnomil bullshit. you said in your message that he didn't need it if he wasn't in pain, she could have simply text back that he was indeed in pain. that would have cleared things right up.
|
nta if your kid was in pain and screaming then that should have been what she told you. not your fault she didn't give you the facts of what was actually going on.
like why didn't she lead with "your kid is screaming and in pain where's the medicine"
instead of "your kids drooling alot"
|
nta. you told her that he could only have panadol if he was in pain. she chose not to give pain relief even though your child was in pain. thats shitty caregiving. then she blamed you for the decision after downplaying the situation. now shes being a passive aggressive about it, and stirring shit with your partner.
ill bet this is not the first time she's done something thats got your back up.
do not let her get between you and your partner. talk to your partner about how awful it is that she let your child suffer.
|
nta, and i wouldn't let her have a sleepover with my child if she can't let go of her passive aggressive bs long enough to care for him! child was in pain all night because she took this personally. that is ridiculous.
|
nta. i’m willing to put money on the fact that your son wasn’t screaming in pain. no one in the presence of a wailing child focuses on the drool. mil is just angry because thinks she knows how to parent better than you do how dare you question what she’s doing. she made this story up to make you feel guilty and prevent you from asserting yourself regarding decisions she makes regarding your son. this is going to keep playing out in different ways unless you and your spouse jointly let her know this is unacceptable behavior and if there is a problem with the baby to be specific.
|
nta. once you told her “if he isn’t in pain, he doesn’t need panadol,” one of two things happened:
1. the baby was actually fine, but she lied about it to your husband to undercut you, or
2. the baby was in pain, and she *chose to leave him that way*... so she could later undercut you to your husband.
either way... definitely an asshole.
so as far as your actions are concerned, the only possible question is whether you were in the wrong to tell her not to use it if he didn’t need it. personally, i think “don’t give people medicine they don’t need” is a pretty good common sense principle to live by. (it doesn’t even need an “especially babies”, but... especially babies!) so i think you’re well in the clear here!
|
nta. welcome to the "crotchety old mil" club.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi everyone! last night my mother in law had my 3 month old son at hers for a sleepover. she messaged me saying "hi there's no panadol in his baby bag he needs some for his gums he's been dribbling a lot, is (my partner) home?". i replied with "if he isn't in pain he doesn't need panadol". she didn't mention anything about him being in pain, only that he was dribbling and that isn't a reason to give him medicine. when she brought him home today she blatantly ignored me, didn't say a single word. she said goodbye to her son (my partner) and walked out. my partner followed and asked what was wrong and she replied with "i'm pissed off because he was screaming but i was told (by me) that i couldn't give him panadol. she never said he was in pain. she never told me that he was screaming. only that he was dribbling. she came into my home, cold shouldered me and then bitched to my partner outside about her issue with me. did i take her message the wrong way or did she send too vague of a description of his actual pain level?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi everyone! last night my mother in law had my 3 month old son at hers for a sleepover. she messaged me saying "hi there's no panadol in his baby bag he needs some for his gums he's been dribbling a lot, is (my partner) home?". i replied with "if he isn't in pain he doesn't need panadol". she didn't mention anything about him being in pain, only that he was dribbling and that isn't a reason to give him medicine. when she brought him home today she blatantly ignored me, didn't say a single word. she said goodbye to her son (my partner) and walked out. my partner followed and asked what was wrong and she replied with "i'm pissed off because he was screaming but i was told (by me) that i couldn't give him panadol. she never said he was in pain. she never told me that he was screaming. only that he was dribbling. she came into my home, cold shouldered me and then bitched to my partner outside about her issue with me. did i take her message the wrong way or did she send too vague of a description of his actual pain level? [/INST] nta - strap in, op. this could be a long and frustrating road with your mil. r/justnomil for support </s>
|
AITA for calling my sister a b*tch for wasting my parents life savings?
|
im not giving away too much personal information, but as i’ve mentioned in previous posts i’m one of 4 siblings and the only one who’s not going to college because i chose not to.
my parents are very simple and humble people and they set aside a lot of money basically their entire lives to send me and my siblings to good colleges in america, it’s their dream because neither of them got good educations as kids nor do they understand technology very well or how things work nowadays, my sister was about to graduate but my parents found out that she has been faking her report cards for the last year and a half and she’s failed almost every single class she’s taken and has done absolutely nothing in college other then hang out with her american boyfriend.
they then decided to force her to come home and since she won’t be able to graduate she basically wasted all the tuition, as soon as she came home i lost my patience during dinner and called a b*tch because my parents sacrificed a lot for her and she has been lying all this time and she claims that they pressured her (they didn’t, i know them) a lot and started using her adhd and whatever else as an excuse, i told her to f off and left.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wux7io/aita_for_calling_my_sister_a_btch_for_wasting_my/
|
2022-08-22 15:50:49
|
nta, but she is on her own now. if she wants to make anything of herself, she needs to buckleup and figure it out. she won't ever be able to repay your parents
|
nta. she needs to do right and pay them back.
|
nta. if she would've made an honest attempt and failed, that would be one thing. that happens. not everybody is cut out for college. i wasn't either apparently. but faking your grades for a year and half? not cool.
i am curious though. since you decided not to go to college, did you therefor forfeit the money your parents saved for your tuition, or did you get to use it to get a headstart in life? i'm asking, because if you forfeited the money your parents saved, your sister's an even bigger b-word.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: im not giving away too much personal information, but as i’ve mentioned in previous posts i’m one of 4 siblings and the only one who’s not going to college because i chose not to. my parents are very simple and humble people and they set aside a lot of money basically their entire lives to send me and my siblings to good colleges in america, it’s their dream because neither of them got good educations as kids nor do they understand technology very well or how things work nowadays, my sister was about to graduate but my parents found out that she has been faking her report cards for the last year and a half and she’s failed almost every single class she’s taken and has done absolutely nothing in college other then hang out with her american boyfriend. they then decided to force her to come home and since she won’t be able to graduate she basically wasted all the tuition, as soon as she came home i lost my patience during dinner and called a b*tch because my parents sacrificed a lot for her and she has been lying all this time and she claims that they pressured her (they didn’t, i know them) a lot and started using her adhd and whatever else as an excuse, i told her to f off and left.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
im not giving away too much personal information, but as i’ve mentioned in previous posts i’m one of 4 siblings and the only one who’s not going to college because i chose not to. my parents are very simple and humble people and they set aside a lot of money basically their entire lives to send me and my siblings to good colleges in america, it’s their dream because neither of them got good educations as kids nor do they understand technology very well or how things work nowadays, my sister was about to graduate but my parents found out that she has been faking her report cards for the last year and a half and she’s failed almost every single class she’s taken and has done absolutely nothing in college other then hang out with her american boyfriend. they then decided to force her to come home and since she won’t be able to graduate she basically wasted all the tuition, as soon as she came home i lost my patience during dinner and called a b*tch because my parents sacrificed a lot for her and she has been lying all this time and she claims that they pressured her (they didn’t, i know them) a lot and started using her adhd and whatever else as an excuse, i told her to f off and left. [/INST] nta, but she is on her own now. if she wants to make anything of herself, she needs to buckleup and figure it out. she won't ever be able to repay your parents </s>
|
AITA for "constantly" reminding my family to watch where their walking in my house so they don't step on my small animals?
|
i have three rabbits, for anonymity's sake i won't be filing my pet tax.
my rabbits are free roamed meaning they're never caged, they have their own room in my house where all their toys and bowls etc are but they have access to pretty much everyone else too.
when i was still living with my parents we had a family dog who was elderly and blind, she would constantly be in-between your feet tripping you up and the amount of times we fell over her was insane. she was never injured but i attribute that to her size. it's important to realise she was never injured in spite of our misstepping not because we were somehow landing in a graceful manner or anything.
this is relevent because my rabbits do the exact same thing as our old dog used to, you get up and they're at your feet begging for some fruit. it's especially bad if you walk to the kitchen. open the fridge door and they're there.
my mum only wears long skirts, and with a dog that's fine because they're large enough that you can always see them or know if they're under your skirt but my rabbits are too little for that.
i constantly see them run between her feet, go under her skirt, and at times she doesn't know they're there. it's scary because small animals are so fragile and my heart would break if they got hurt.
i'll admit i remind her often to look where she's walking, but that's because of her attitude. she's very blasé and uses our experience with our dog to justify her lack of care with my rabbits. anytime i point out a rabbit is much smaller than a dog, and much more fragile she gets angry about my lack of trust in her.
she said she feels insulted by me "constantly" reminding her but i say i wouldn't have to bring it up constantly if she just was more mindful of where she's walking.
she won't come over now, unless my rabbits are in their room that i mentioned earlier. it's frustrating us both. aita?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tqg8m7/aita_for_constantly_reminding_my_family_to_watch/
|
2022-03-28 18:44:59
|
yta. if you’ve set up your house so that people have to be afraid to walk, you can’t be surprised when they don’t want to come over. just put your rabbits in the room for the length of the visit.
|
yta. your bunnies have a room to roam in. if you invite someone over and refuse to put your pets somewhere safe and they get hurt, that's on *you* op. you can safely put them in the room until your guests leave.
even if people are careful, bunnies are small, quiet, and fragile. people forget. people get distracted. you're honestly creating a very unsafe environment for your poor rabbits.
|
> she won't come over now, unless my rabbits are in their room that i mentioned earlier. it's frustrating us both.
actually, this is a reasonable solution.
your home is not welcoming if people have to constantly be on alert for your rabbits. yta
|
yta. protect your pets. don’t expect other people to do that for you. you’ve described a situation where even a careful guest could make a mistake, step on a rabbit & hurt it severely or even kill it. for your pets’ sake, when you have guests, secure the rabbits in a safe place where they won’t get stepped on.
|
yta - you should not have your rabbits running loose in the house when you have guests over. even if they try to be careful, most people are not used to being that careful and accidents can and will happen - a misstep, a door help open to long, the wrong food/beverage left at rabbit height. it is your responsibility to make sure your animals are safe, which is this case means putting them in their room when guests come over.
|
yta. i mean, it's your home and your animals can do what they want, but if, as you say, you'd be heartbroken if anything happened, then obviously you're too nervous so you should protect them. are your rabbits 'careful'? do they hop away or are they dumb and just kind of hang out and don't watch for people's feet?
i mean this is a dumb question. would you leave your kids on the floor and tell people to watch out? just put the rabbits away for awhile while you have guests over. problem 100% solved.
|
yta: for the safety of your animals, you may want to put them up before you have people over. your mom could be a little more civil about it but you need to look after your pets.
|
yta for allowing your pets to roam in an unsafe environment. shut them in their room (dang, my rabbits never had it so good!) or accept that they may be injured. but as it stands, you are being an irresponsible pet owner.
|
yta if you were concerned with their safety you wouldn't have them hopping all over the house when you've guests over
|
yta
your house, your rules, i get that. but you also have to be looking out for the welfare of your bunnies and that may mean restricting full-house access when you have certain guests over just for their own safety. i don’t think your mom would deliberately hurt one of your pets, but accidents do happen and i think your mom’s visits would be more enjoyable if they didn’t have full access to the house when she’s over. you wouldn’t be on edge with reminders and she could relax and enjoy her time with you.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i have three rabbits, for anonymity's sake i won't be filing my pet tax. my rabbits are free roamed meaning they're never caged, they have their own room in my house where all their toys and bowls etc are but they have access to pretty much everyone else too. when i was still living with my parents we had a family dog who was elderly and blind, she would constantly be in-between your feet tripping you up and the amount of times we fell over her was insane. she was never injured but i attribute that to her size. it's important to realise she was never injured in spite of our misstepping not because we were somehow landing in a graceful manner or anything. this is relevent because my rabbits do the exact same thing as our old dog used to, you get up and they're at your feet begging for some fruit. it's especially bad if you walk to the kitchen. open the fridge door and they're there. my mum only wears long skirts, and with a dog that's fine because they're large enough that you can always see them or know if they're under your skirt but my rabbits are too little for that. i constantly see them run between her feet, go under her skirt, and at times she doesn't know they're there. it's scary because small animals are so fragile and my heart would break if they got hurt. i'll admit i remind her often to look where she's walking, but that's because of her attitude. she's very blasé and uses our experience with our dog to justify her lack of care with my rabbits. anytime i point out a rabbit is much smaller than a dog, and much more fragile she gets angry about my lack of trust in her. she said she feels insulted by me "constantly" reminding her but i say i wouldn't have to bring it up constantly if she just was more mindful of where she's walking. she won't come over now, unless my rabbits are in their room that i mentioned earlier. it's frustrating us both. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i have three rabbits, for anonymity's sake i won't be filing my pet tax. my rabbits are free roamed meaning they're never caged, they have their own room in my house where all their toys and bowls etc are but they have access to pretty much everyone else too. when i was still living with my parents we had a family dog who was elderly and blind, she would constantly be in-between your feet tripping you up and the amount of times we fell over her was insane. she was never injured but i attribute that to her size. it's important to realise she was never injured in spite of our misstepping not because we were somehow landing in a graceful manner or anything. this is relevent because my rabbits do the exact same thing as our old dog used to, you get up and they're at your feet begging for some fruit. it's especially bad if you walk to the kitchen. open the fridge door and they're there. my mum only wears long skirts, and with a dog that's fine because they're large enough that you can always see them or know if they're under your skirt but my rabbits are too little for that. i constantly see them run between her feet, go under her skirt, and at times she doesn't know they're there. it's scary because small animals are so fragile and my heart would break if they got hurt. i'll admit i remind her often to look where she's walking, but that's because of her attitude. she's very blasé and uses our experience with our dog to justify her lack of care with my rabbits. anytime i point out a rabbit is much smaller than a dog, and much more fragile she gets angry about my lack of trust in her. she said she feels insulted by me "constantly" reminding her but i say i wouldn't have to bring it up constantly if she just was more mindful of where she's walking. she won't come over now, unless my rabbits are in their room that i mentioned earlier. it's frustrating us both. aita? [/INST] yta. if you’ve set up your house so that people have to be afraid to walk, you can’t be surprised when they don’t want to come over. just put your rabbits in the room for the length of the visit. </s>
|
WIBTA for telling my fiancé to stop waking me up?
|
my fiancé (22f) and i (25m) have been living together for about a year now. we have our small fights here and there, as all couples do when they first experience being around each other 24/7, but nothing serious. she can be stubborn and temperamental (as can i), but i love her so much and i can't wait to marry her. however, she has one quirk that really rubs me the wrong way sometimes. for background, she's a pretty light sleeper, whereas i could probably sleep through a tornado. if she goes to bed first, there's a good chance that me attempting to get into bed will wake her, no matter how quiet i think i'm being. the problem is that i'm a notorious snorer. according to my family, my snoring sounds like a wild boar (i've recorded myself and i don't think it's that bad, but can confirm it's fairly loud). since we moved to our apartment, my fiancé has only gotten worse in her light sleeping habits, partially due to her paranoia of a new environment (we don't live in the safest area ever, lots of break-ins, robberies, etc. so it's not exactly baseless). this means that if she's not dead asleep when i go to bed, my snoring can evidently wake her up pretty easily. my issue is that if my snoring wakes her up, she will then wake me up, regardless of what time it is, and make me adjust my pillows or turn over or whatever to try to make me stop. this usually doesn't work, so she'll wake me up again and try again. the worst is that if her calling to me doesn't wake me, she'll sometimes nudge me pretty hard in the side. i haven't said anything to her, as i know she's a light sleeper and that's not her fault, but it sometimes really annoys me that she will wake me up an hour before i have to get up for work just because she wants me to stop snoring, which is something i have very little control over, especially since i get up early (around 6 a.m.) and she gets several more hours of sleep after i'm gone (she's a student and her classes usually won't start until 9 or 10 a.m.). so, i want to ask her to stop waking me up, as i don't get enough sleep already, and her waking me only makes me more exhausted when i do get up. i've considered a cpap, but that's a lot of money for a loud machine that would probably also wake her and wouldn't necessarily fix my snoring. wibta for bringing this up to her?
tl;dr - fiancé will wake me up for snoring and waking her often, and i want to ask her to stop.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dcqgbm/wibta_for_telling_my_fiancé_to_stop_waking_me_up/
|
2019-10-03 12:51:16
|
yta - as a fellow snorer, guess what, you've been keeping her awake for some time before she wakes you up. we are annoying, and we wake up/keep up our partners allll the time. it is entirely fair of them to poke us to shift positions and see if that improves things.
also - go get yourself tested for sleep apnea and actually try to do something about your snoring rather than just expecting your girlfriend to never get a good night's sleep again so that you can sleep.
if you aren't willing to do those things, get a 2 bedroom place so that she has somewhere comfortable to sleep where she doesn't have a wild boar keeping her awake.
|
yta.
this post is a constant "but me me me me me me me me me me me!!"
she feels unsafe, your snoring is particularly bad, she's in a smaller environment with you, she can't get any sleep, but you're right poor baby op needs his sleepy time to go undisturbed. who gives a shit that you're disturbing everyone around you? you're asleep, you can't hear it, it ain't your problem. (that was sarcasm btw.)
go talk to a doctor. snoring like that not only isn't normal but it's going to continue to fuck over her sleep every night. it's genuinely worse than a baby, because at least babies grow up a bit and realize they need to take care of themselves. too bad you didn't grow up enough to realize you should be taking care of your own snoring.
|
yta. she's not waking you out of spite or malice; she's just trying to get you to move into a position where the snoring stops so she can get some sleep herself. fyi: snoring can be a big sign of sleep apnea which can and does kill people, so you should get a sleep study done. also, cpaps are not loud; mine makes less noise than a quiet fan on its lowest setting.
|
info - have you done anything to fix your snoring issue?
|
yta. your girlfriend should sacrifice her sleep every night for yours? how is that fair? go to a sleep clinic and try figure out a solution to your snoring or start sleeping in separate rooms. she shouldn’t have to spend the rest of her life feeling tired to spend the rest of her life with you.
|
she can't sleep after you wake her up when you are snoring. so you want to ask her to go without sleep. do you think long term this says "i love you, marry me?"
solve what you can. secure the home so that she can feel safe, even if you have to move dressers in front of doors at night. add padlocks or deadbolts or whatever will work. and yes buy that cpap machine, or at least ask her opinion on it. the consistent vibration may be much easier to sleep for her than your snoring. which may translate to her listening to you actually stop breathing multiple times per hour. i have a nephew that does that, i can't sleep with him and don't know how his wife does. (i know this from when he was a young child, allergy related for him).
issues like you describe are why families wind up sleeping in different bedrooms. not exactly what you want to plan at the start of a relationship, but you have to solve this. she can't fix your snoring, that's on you. and it doesn't matter that she can sleep longer, she may need that sleep, younger people do need more sleep. solve this, somehow, if you want to continue the relationship. soon.
|
yta... also, go to a doctor. if your snoring is as bad as you describe you could have sleep apnea which is potentially really dangerous and can result in sleeplessness (at best) and stroke. basically, people with sleep apnea stop breathing throughout their sleep cycles. your doctor can help you and if you do have it, prescribe a cpap machine which will keep you breathing and greatly reduce the intensity of your snoring.
|
yta. and you’re the problem here, not your fiancée. she hasn’t gotten a decent sleep because of your snoring and it’s entirely your fault, but you’re bitching because she wakes you. you need to do something about it. snoring can be caused by a lot of reasons...either swollen tonsils or sleep apnea or something. personally? i use to snore and i started taking allergy medication for something unrelated and as a side effect, my sleep improved drastically. why? because my airway was more cleared, allowing me to breath more properly as i slept. since then, i have yet to snore when i sleep. get that checked out asap because even though you may think it’s not “that” bad, i can assure you, you’re 100% wrong and it is, in fact, probably worse than you think.
|
soooooo you just want her to lie awake the whole night and suffer while you sleep? lol yta. it makes a lot more sense for her to wake you up for a second to change positions and stop the snoring so then you can both sleep. for god's sake, get some nasal strips and anti-snoring mouthpeices or sleep in different rooms or something.
|
yta <- i feel like that's strong, but someone gets the 'blame' here.
your snoring is keeping her up, depriving her of sleep. it's perfectly reasonable for her to wake you to get you to turn or something to stop the snoring.
you might have sleep apnea. make an appt with your doctor; if you're chubby, some weight loss will help too. treatment is common and pretty effective. you're more well rested and so is she.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my fiancé (22f) and i (25m) have been living together for about a year now. we have our small fights here and there, as all couples do when they first experience being around each other 24/7, but nothing serious. she can be stubborn and temperamental (as can i), but i love her so much and i can't wait to marry her. however, she has one quirk that really rubs me the wrong way sometimes. for background, she's a pretty light sleeper, whereas i could probably sleep through a tornado. if she goes to bed first, there's a good chance that me attempting to get into bed will wake her, no matter how quiet i think i'm being. the problem is that i'm a notorious snorer. according to my family, my snoring sounds like a wild boar (i've recorded myself and i don't think it's that bad, but can confirm it's fairly loud). since we moved to our apartment, my fiancé has only gotten worse in her light sleeping habits, partially due to her paranoia of a new environment (we don't live in the safest area ever, lots of break-ins, robberies, etc. so it's not exactly baseless). this means that if she's not dead asleep when i go to bed, my snoring can evidently wake her up pretty easily. my issue is that if my snoring wakes her up, she will then wake me up, regardless of what time it is, and make me adjust my pillows or turn over or whatever to try to make me stop. this usually doesn't work, so she'll wake me up again and try again. the worst is that if her calling to me doesn't wake me, she'll sometimes nudge me pretty hard in the side. i haven't said anything to her, as i know she's a light sleeper and that's not her fault, but it sometimes really annoys me that she will wake me up an hour before i have to get up for work just because she wants me to stop snoring, which is something i have very little control over, especially since i get up early (around 6 a.m.) and she gets several more hours of sleep after i'm gone (she's a student and her classes usually won't start until 9 or 10 a.m.). so, i want to ask her to stop waking me up, as i don't get enough sleep already, and her waking me only makes me more exhausted when i do get up. i've considered a cpap, but that's a lot of money for a loud machine that would probably also wake her and wouldn't necessarily fix my snoring. wibta for bringing this up to her? tl;dr - fiancé will wake me up for snoring and waking her often, and i want to ask her to stop.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my fiancé (22f) and i (25m) have been living together for about a year now. we have our small fights here and there, as all couples do when they first experience being around each other 24/7, but nothing serious. she can be stubborn and temperamental (as can i), but i love her so much and i can't wait to marry her. however, she has one quirk that really rubs me the wrong way sometimes. for background, she's a pretty light sleeper, whereas i could probably sleep through a tornado. if she goes to bed first, there's a good chance that me attempting to get into bed will wake her, no matter how quiet i think i'm being. the problem is that i'm a notorious snorer. according to my family, my snoring sounds like a wild boar (i've recorded myself and i don't think it's that bad, but can confirm it's fairly loud). since we moved to our apartment, my fiancé has only gotten worse in her light sleeping habits, partially due to her paranoia of a new environment (we don't live in the safest area ever, lots of break-ins, robberies, etc. so it's not exactly baseless). this means that if she's not dead asleep when i go to bed, my snoring can evidently wake her up pretty easily. my issue is that if my snoring wakes her up, she will then wake me up, regardless of what time it is, and make me adjust my pillows or turn over or whatever to try to make me stop. this usually doesn't work, so she'll wake me up again and try again. the worst is that if her calling to me doesn't wake me, she'll sometimes nudge me pretty hard in the side. i haven't said anything to her, as i know she's a light sleeper and that's not her fault, but it sometimes really annoys me that she will wake me up an hour before i have to get up for work just because she wants me to stop snoring, which is something i have very little control over, especially since i get up early (around 6 a.m.) and she gets several more hours of sleep after i'm gone (she's a student and her classes usually won't start until 9 or 10 a.m.). so, i want to ask her to stop waking me up, as i don't get enough sleep already, and her waking me only makes me more exhausted when i do get up. i've considered a cpap, but that's a lot of money for a loud machine that would probably also wake her and wouldn't necessarily fix my snoring. wibta for bringing this up to her? tl;dr - fiancé will wake me up for snoring and waking her often, and i want to ask her to stop. [/INST] yta - as a fellow snorer, guess what, you've been keeping her awake for some time before she wakes you up. we are annoying, and we wake up/keep up our partners allll the time. it is entirely fair of them to poke us to shift positions and see if that improves things. also - go get yourself tested for sleep apnea and actually try to do something about your snoring rather than just expecting your girlfriend to never get a good night's sleep again so that you can sleep. if you aren't willing to do those things, get a 2 bedroom place so that she has somewhere comfortable to sleep where she doesn't have a wild boar keeping her awake. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to support my friend trying to become an influencer
|
my friend has, since she started dating her boyfriend a few months ago, started trying to become a social media influencer. her new boyfriend had a youtube channel already that he made lots of short films on. they've started sharing the channel and posting unboxings of subscription boxes, vlogs, and music videos. while i'm happy that she's using it as a creative outlet, i'm just reserved about supporting her because i know what influencer culture is like. she's already made a sponsored post on instagram even. i just don't want her to gain a following and then change into what other people have become. cancel culture and the beauty community are so inherently toxic.
she keeps asking me if i've watched her videos, and i keep making excuses as to why i haven't. so, aita for not supporting her influencer dreams?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/clx03z/aita_for_not_wanting_to_support_my_friend_trying/
|
2019-08-04 14:38:56
|
nah. why do you care? you don't have to watch her videos if you don't want to but don't get dragged into the whole "influencers are the worst people" narrative that reddit has.
if you're actively putting her down for trying to be an influencer then you'd be an asshole.
|
yta - just support your friend. if she really enjoys it and isn't hurting anyone i don't see what the problem is. maybe just talk to her about how you're feeling. you can be honest, concerned and supportive at the same time. maybe a conversation starter could be "hey girl, i know you're doing all of that influencer stuff, and i want to be happy for you. i'm just concerned that it's not the healthiest environment. you doing alright and keeping out of the drama?"
|
nta
you’re not singlehandedly going to make the difference in whether she gets famous or not. you’re not responsible for her levels of talent and tenacity.
|
yta there are problems with any career, if that's her passion then she should at least give it a try. you can't judge an entire community based on a few stories, i don't know much about that specific community/culture but your friend won't suddenly become someone that she is not.
>because i know what influencer culture is like.
why are you better qualified on the culture that she's getting involved in?
|
nah. ywbta if you started lecturing her on the dangers of influencer culture or trying to discourage her, but you’re not being an asshole by just not watching her videos.
|
nta - if you're not interested in the content there's no point pretending to be. she should get the hint and leave you alone. you can still be supportive of a friend's creative pursuits without watching everything they make. that being said you shouldn't just dismiss it because you think she'll obtain the negative qualities of the culture as you see them. that's poisoning the well for her which isn't fair.
|
nta. that shit is tedious at best. if you choose to stay friends with her as she wades into that cesspool, you’ll be able to count on her escalating her exploitation of your friendship. good luck.
|
nah. your not obligated to watch her content, she shouldn't be pushing you to watch.
| null | null |
NAH
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null | null | 0.372498 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my friend has, since she started dating her boyfriend a few months ago, started trying to become a social media influencer. her new boyfriend had a youtube channel already that he made lots of short films on. they've started sharing the channel and posting unboxings of subscription boxes, vlogs, and music videos. while i'm happy that she's using it as a creative outlet, i'm just reserved about supporting her because i know what influencer culture is like. she's already made a sponsored post on instagram even. i just don't want her to gain a following and then change into what other people have become. cancel culture and the beauty community are so inherently toxic. she keeps asking me if i've watched her videos, and i keep making excuses as to why i haven't. so, aita for not supporting her influencer dreams?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my friend has, since she started dating her boyfriend a few months ago, started trying to become a social media influencer. her new boyfriend had a youtube channel already that he made lots of short films on. they've started sharing the channel and posting unboxings of subscription boxes, vlogs, and music videos. while i'm happy that she's using it as a creative outlet, i'm just reserved about supporting her because i know what influencer culture is like. she's already made a sponsored post on instagram even. i just don't want her to gain a following and then change into what other people have become. cancel culture and the beauty community are so inherently toxic. she keeps asking me if i've watched her videos, and i keep making excuses as to why i haven't. so, aita for not supporting her influencer dreams? [/INST] nah. why do you care? you don't have to watch her videos if you don't want to but don't get dragged into the whole "influencers are the worst people" narrative that reddit has. if you're actively putting her down for trying to be an influencer then you'd be an asshole. </s>
|
AITA for telling my wife that the baby bump photos she posts make me uncomfortable and I think they're kind of weird?
|
my wife has always been active on social media - more active than almost anyone else i know - and that has not changed since she got pregnant. if anything, it's worse, and the posts have gotten more frequent.
once we announced she started taking a weekly photo of her stomach to show her growth, but she posts a tons of other videos and photos of it in addition to the weekly photo. i see them pop up and honestly it makes me uncomfortable. i feel like she's sharing too much, and i don't think it looks good (to me pregnant stomachs look weird). it's also embarrassing for me because all of my family and friends are friends with her too, so they see all of this and i can't help but wonder what they must think to see my wife so exposed.
i have subtly tried to get her to cut back on what she shares and change how she shares it which led to her asking me if didn't like what she was posting. since she did ask, i admitted everything i posted above but never demanded she stop.
she thinks i am a controlling asshole even though i never demanded she stop or only post things that i felt were appropriate. i feel like i am entitled to an opinion and have a right to be uncomfortable with what she's posting and to share that with her. beyond that she asked for my opinion, so i don't feel she can describe me as an asshole or controlling for answering her question.
she also didn't like me saying i didn't think a pregnant stomach was something most of the people we know would want to see and was weird looking, but again, i don't feel like having an opinion, even if it's one she doesn't like, makes me an asshole.
am i wrong and actually the asshole?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/igho42/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_the_baby_bump/
|
2020-08-25 18:13:00
|
yta. i can't imagine why your pregnant wife would be offended when you mentioned that you don't think pregnant stomachs are something people want to see /s. i can't believe i need to explain this but pregnancy changes a woman's body and many women feel uncomfortable and self conscious about that. it's great that your wife is so proud and feels so beautiful, i'm sure she wants other women to feel that way, i'm sure she wishes her husband did too.
|
yta, not for having an opinion, but for expressing your “pregnant bellies look weird, you are embarrassing me with your weird, pregnant stomach, and nobody wants to see that” comments to your wife.
not everyone has the same hangups that you do about pregnant bellies; this is a “you” thing, and by your not-so-subtle comments, you implied that your wife should be embarrassed for the way her pregnant body looks.
&#x200b;
you can ask that your wife not overshare things about you on social media, but from what you describe, she’s sharing things about her and her changing body. you are ta for insinuating that she should feel ashamed or embarrassed by her posts.
|
yta that’s a great way to make a pregnant woman feel self conscious about the changes to her body that happen while growing a human.
her social media posts aren’t about you. don’t try to make them about you.
|
>i don't think it looks good (to me pregnant stomachs look weird).
yta. that's the miracle of life. sorry if it doesn't make your pee-pee happy.
|
[deleted]
|
yta please don't tell me you actually told her that you find her stomach weird
|
yta - why is your child growing weird? it’s totally natural.
you also don’t own your wives body, and to steal her words you sound like a controlling asshole.
|
you know, when i was pregnant, i really wanted to get maternity pictures taken. i wanted my son’s father involved. he said he didn’t want to be involved and he thought maternity photos were weird. he didn’t say he thought my belly was gross or weird but that’s what i took from the conversation.
i was very sad. didn’t get maternity photos. we split up when my son was 5 (after being together 8 years and engaged for 2 of those years).
i’m not saying the maternity photo thing was the downfall of our relationship but, i will say that his opinion on maternity photos was very similar to his opinions on many things. he didn’t tell me i couldn’t get them, just that he wouldn’t participate and that he thought they were odd. that’s how he was and is. i see now that the maternity photos was just a small part of the bigger problem: he and i were and i are just too different.
i’m not going to say that this will happen to your relationship but, i will say i won’t be surprised if it does. you both obviously view the world and the way you present yourselves to the world differently. there’s nothing wrong with that, in general, but such a difference in opinions about things tends to lead to bigger issues down the road.
yta, in my opinion. just like my son’s father was. my son is almost 9 now and i still regret not getting those maternity photos taken bc my ex made me feel stupid for wanting them. you don’t have to tell her to stop doing it. you’ve made it obvious you think she should stop. that’s enough.
even if she doesn’t stop, she’ll think, everytime she posts a cute picture of her cute baby bump “husband thinks this is weird/gross and he thinks our friends and family feel the same.” she will have lingering doubt everytime she posts now and that’s a shame. you’ve dulled her shine. that is so sad to me. something miraculous and exciting is happening: she’s growing a human. now there is a cloud of your “uncomfortable” bullshit over her excitement.
|
yta - you don’t seem to have a problem with her social media posting before now, only a problem with her posting “gross” bump picnics because apparently pregnant bodies make you uncomfortable.
|
yta.
i also don't like pregnant bellies, or just pregnancy in general. but i don't go around pregnant people and go, "i think pregnant bellies look weird," because i know
1. no one needs to hear my thoughts on their bodies
2. i practice a thing called empathy and class.
3. pregnancy is extremely hard on a person's body and can cause extreme stress which is both bad for them and the fetus. they do not need my snot nosed opinion on how they look, or how i think they should act.
just look away.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife has always been active on social media - more active than almost anyone else i know - and that has not changed since she got pregnant. if anything, it's worse, and the posts have gotten more frequent. once we announced she started taking a weekly photo of her stomach to show her growth, but she posts a tons of other videos and photos of it in addition to the weekly photo. i see them pop up and honestly it makes me uncomfortable. i feel like she's sharing too much, and i don't think it looks good (to me pregnant stomachs look weird). it's also embarrassing for me because all of my family and friends are friends with her too, so they see all of this and i can't help but wonder what they must think to see my wife so exposed. i have subtly tried to get her to cut back on what she shares and change how she shares it which led to her asking me if didn't like what she was posting. since she did ask, i admitted everything i posted above but never demanded she stop. she thinks i am a controlling asshole even though i never demanded she stop or only post things that i felt were appropriate. i feel like i am entitled to an opinion and have a right to be uncomfortable with what she's posting and to share that with her. beyond that she asked for my opinion, so i don't feel she can describe me as an asshole or controlling for answering her question. she also didn't like me saying i didn't think a pregnant stomach was something most of the people we know would want to see and was weird looking, but again, i don't feel like having an opinion, even if it's one she doesn't like, makes me an asshole. am i wrong and actually the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife has always been active on social media - more active than almost anyone else i know - and that has not changed since she got pregnant. if anything, it's worse, and the posts have gotten more frequent. once we announced she started taking a weekly photo of her stomach to show her growth, but she posts a tons of other videos and photos of it in addition to the weekly photo. i see them pop up and honestly it makes me uncomfortable. i feel like she's sharing too much, and i don't think it looks good (to me pregnant stomachs look weird). it's also embarrassing for me because all of my family and friends are friends with her too, so they see all of this and i can't help but wonder what they must think to see my wife so exposed. i have subtly tried to get her to cut back on what she shares and change how she shares it which led to her asking me if didn't like what she was posting. since she did ask, i admitted everything i posted above but never demanded she stop. she thinks i am a controlling asshole even though i never demanded she stop or only post things that i felt were appropriate. i feel like i am entitled to an opinion and have a right to be uncomfortable with what she's posting and to share that with her. beyond that she asked for my opinion, so i don't feel she can describe me as an asshole or controlling for answering her question. she also didn't like me saying i didn't think a pregnant stomach was something most of the people we know would want to see and was weird looking, but again, i don't feel like having an opinion, even if it's one she doesn't like, makes me an asshole. am i wrong and actually the asshole? [/INST] yta. i can't imagine why your pregnant wife would be offended when you mentioned that you don't think pregnant stomachs are something people want to see /s. i can't believe i need to explain this but pregnancy changes a woman's body and many women feel uncomfortable and self conscious about that. it's great that your wife is so proud and feels so beautiful, i'm sure she wants other women to feel that way, i'm sure she wishes her husband did too. </s>
|
Aita for refusing to drive my friends room mate to work everyday even though I work in the same area?
|
doing this for my friend would in no way impact my travel time to and from work, however i'm choosing not to and my friend's calling me an ass for it.
i work 70kms or about 1 hour and 10 minutes from home, i leave my house at 6.30-7 weekdays and come home between 5.30-7pm. taking public transport would take you about 4 to 5 hours due to the lack of transport to the area.
my(m20s) friend a(f20s)et me up on a blind date with her roommate b(f20s), we've hung put a bunch of times, (she told me she works in the same area as me/also used to live in the area) i thought things were going well, however she never replies to wanting to hang out since and hasn't put any effort into hanging out, so i thought things were going nowhere. it's been like 2 weeks now and she crashed her car. my friend asked me the other day if i would be willing to drive her to work for a little while, while her car gets repaired, her friend offered to walk to my house in the morning so i wouldn't have to get up any earlier and she lives on the way home from work so dropping her off wouldn't be an inconvenience. she also offered to pay for fuel.
now, im choosing not to because of how things between us suddenly ended, i really liked b, i thought this could turn into a serious relationship, but out of nowhere she just ghosted me, but didn't block me. i can see she's still going out from social media. it left a pretty bad taste in mouth considering she couldn't even let me down and i feel kinda disrespected.
i could do this nice thing for her to help her out, but she couldnt leave me the courtesy of telling me it's not working out. it's pretty but idc.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pnb5cx/aita_for_refusing_to_drive_my_friends_room_mate/
|
2021-09-13 08:07:40
|
nta. i mean, if b can't reach out and ask for this favor herself despite having your contact info, let alone respond to other messages reliably, there's no reason to expect this is going to work out well even without the relationship complications.
|
nta.
even though it'll be nicer of you to help out, you are not obligated to. also, you'll have to spend time with her every working day, morning and evening, while commuting and it doesn't seem like you'd be keen on that. there's no reason for you to have to put yourself through that.
|
nta. it's your car and your choice. if you don't feel comfortable driving her, it's your decision. she doesn't owe you anything and you don't owe her anything.
|
nta - driving someone who is not your friend in the morning for 1 hour? thats a no. this time is perfect for your own chill time before work.
|
nta. i hated driving long distance to work. used to do a 78km/1hr drive each way and the only thing that made it somewhat enjoyable was the quiet time i got to myself to listen to music/wake the fuck up in the mornings and decompress/rant like a crazy person on the way back
i would go totally insane having to share the journey with anyone even someone i liked, you’re saving yourself 2 1/2 hours a day of awkwardness by saying no. dude so not the asshole!!!
you don’t owe this person anything. just because it’s a “nice” thing to do doesn’t mean you have to do it. especially when it’s not “nice” to you. the fact that you’re here means it’s bothering you. trust your gut. say no. not the asshole!
|
nta - she only talked to you because she needs something from you. your friend can take her to work if she is that worried.
|
nta you are under no obligation to drive someone if you don’t want to. she can be inconvenienced and travel to work via public transit while her car is being repaired. it might take longer but it’s doable. no need to apologize or explain. just say no.
|
nta
&#x200b;
"so i thought things were going nowhere." - they were - until she needed a driver. and they will go nowhere again as soon as her transportation problem is solved.
she just wants a driver - no obligation for you.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: doing this for my friend would in no way impact my travel time to and from work, however i'm choosing not to and my friend's calling me an ass for it. i work 70kms or about 1 hour and 10 minutes from home, i leave my house at 6.30-7 weekdays and come home between 5.30-7pm. taking public transport would take you about 4 to 5 hours due to the lack of transport to the area. my(m20s) friend a(f20s)et me up on a blind date with her roommate b(f20s), we've hung put a bunch of times, (she told me she works in the same area as me/also used to live in the area) i thought things were going well, however she never replies to wanting to hang out since and hasn't put any effort into hanging out, so i thought things were going nowhere. it's been like 2 weeks now and she crashed her car. my friend asked me the other day if i would be willing to drive her to work for a little while, while her car gets repaired, her friend offered to walk to my house in the morning so i wouldn't have to get up any earlier and she lives on the way home from work so dropping her off wouldn't be an inconvenience. she also offered to pay for fuel. now, im choosing not to because of how things between us suddenly ended, i really liked b, i thought this could turn into a serious relationship, but out of nowhere she just ghosted me, but didn't block me. i can see she's still going out from social media. it left a pretty bad taste in mouth considering she couldn't even let me down and i feel kinda disrespected. i could do this nice thing for her to help her out, but she couldnt leave me the courtesy of telling me it's not working out. it's pretty but idc.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
doing this for my friend would in no way impact my travel time to and from work, however i'm choosing not to and my friend's calling me an ass for it. i work 70kms or about 1 hour and 10 minutes from home, i leave my house at 6.30-7 weekdays and come home between 5.30-7pm. taking public transport would take you about 4 to 5 hours due to the lack of transport to the area. my(m20s) friend a(f20s)et me up on a blind date with her roommate b(f20s), we've hung put a bunch of times, (she told me she works in the same area as me/also used to live in the area) i thought things were going well, however she never replies to wanting to hang out since and hasn't put any effort into hanging out, so i thought things were going nowhere. it's been like 2 weeks now and she crashed her car. my friend asked me the other day if i would be willing to drive her to work for a little while, while her car gets repaired, her friend offered to walk to my house in the morning so i wouldn't have to get up any earlier and she lives on the way home from work so dropping her off wouldn't be an inconvenience. she also offered to pay for fuel. now, im choosing not to because of how things between us suddenly ended, i really liked b, i thought this could turn into a serious relationship, but out of nowhere she just ghosted me, but didn't block me. i can see she's still going out from social media. it left a pretty bad taste in mouth considering she couldn't even let me down and i feel kinda disrespected. i could do this nice thing for her to help her out, but she couldnt leave me the courtesy of telling me it's not working out. it's pretty but idc. [/INST] nta. i mean, if b can't reach out and ask for this favor herself despite having your contact info, let alone respond to other messages reliably, there's no reason to expect this is going to work out well even without the relationship complications. </s>
|
AITA not letting my cousin move in with me and my brother?
|
i (21yo female) am angry at my 24 year old male brother for continuing to be friends with my cousin that makes me uncomfortable. growing up my cousin has always either been making mean comments to me or saying comments that are uncomfortable. for example often times he would make comments about my weight, or saying i shouldn't be wearing a short skirt because guys like him might take it the wrong way, etc. these comments happened every time i saw him and they only got worse the older i got. one time he even cornered me and asked if my boyfriend at the time "popped my cherry" and that he was jealous of my boyfriend. growing up my brother and cousin were both very close due to their closeness in age, and that prevented me from telling my brother, i didn't want to make things awkward between them. but once my brother proposed my cousin moving in with us i decided i had to tell him. after i told my brother about the comments he agreed that they were inappropriate and he was furious, and kept stating "he's always given me the creeps" and went on and on about how sorry he was for me and how he would stop hanging out with my cousin because he didn't want to encourage that behavior. cut to present day (about a year after i told my brother) my brother and i were talking when he casually mentions that he hung out with my cousin. i immediately did a double take and asked if i heard him correctly, he then confirmed that he has been hanging out with my cousin on and off for the last few months. i was furious! it felt like a major slap to the face that he was being friendly and hanging out with someone that made me uncomfortable on numerous occasions. my brother told me that i was over reacting and said that it wasn't a big deal that he was hanging out with him. his excuse is that my cousin was probably just trying to be funny and trying to joke around. he has also brought up the topic of my cousin moving in with us, and i told him that he has to choose between me or my cousin because i refuse to live with my cousin. i feel so betrayed and upset. am i the asshole?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qx62r3/aita_not_letting_my_cousin_move_in_with_me_and_my/
|
2021-11-19 02:31:10
|
nta you have a right to feel safe in your own home. you also have a right to say no to anyone moving in your home past bad behavior or not.
|
nta- your cousin is a fucking creep. incest much? gross. if he moves in you should seriously move out. but your brother is being insensitive.
|
nta, but i’d think real hard about continuing to live with your brother since he obviously doesn’t see a problem with the cousin’s words or actions. trust your instincts.
|
nta , your brother is also a creep who excuses creeps in the best case. i would make plans to distance them both. anybody who talked to my sibling that way would be on my shit list forever, your brother probably thinks deep down that it’s okay to talk to women and girls this way.
|
nta trust your instincts.
|
nta- i would move out.
he’s forgotten the range of discomfort because your cousin is a manipulative person.
find a roommate situation you’ll have control over. i believe your cousin will probably be a sometimes guest when you’re away to a roommate
|
nta. your cousin sucks. your brother is brushing off his behaviour and your feelings.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (21yo female) am angry at my 24 year old male brother for continuing to be friends with my cousin that makes me uncomfortable. growing up my cousin has always either been making mean comments to me or saying comments that are uncomfortable. for example often times he would make comments about my weight, or saying i shouldn't be wearing a short skirt because guys like him might take it the wrong way, etc. these comments happened every time i saw him and they only got worse the older i got. one time he even cornered me and asked if my boyfriend at the time "popped my cherry" and that he was jealous of my boyfriend. growing up my brother and cousin were both very close due to their closeness in age, and that prevented me from telling my brother, i didn't want to make things awkward between them. but once my brother proposed my cousin moving in with us i decided i had to tell him. after i told my brother about the comments he agreed that they were inappropriate and he was furious, and kept stating "he's always given me the creeps" and went on and on about how sorry he was for me and how he would stop hanging out with my cousin because he didn't want to encourage that behavior. cut to present day (about a year after i told my brother) my brother and i were talking when he casually mentions that he hung out with my cousin. i immediately did a double take and asked if i heard him correctly, he then confirmed that he has been hanging out with my cousin on and off for the last few months. i was furious! it felt like a major slap to the face that he was being friendly and hanging out with someone that made me uncomfortable on numerous occasions. my brother told me that i was over reacting and said that it wasn't a big deal that he was hanging out with him. his excuse is that my cousin was probably just trying to be funny and trying to joke around. he has also brought up the topic of my cousin moving in with us, and i told him that he has to choose between me or my cousin because i refuse to live with my cousin. i feel so betrayed and upset. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (21yo female) am angry at my 24 year old male brother for continuing to be friends with my cousin that makes me uncomfortable. growing up my cousin has always either been making mean comments to me or saying comments that are uncomfortable. for example often times he would make comments about my weight, or saying i shouldn't be wearing a short skirt because guys like him might take it the wrong way, etc. these comments happened every time i saw him and they only got worse the older i got. one time he even cornered me and asked if my boyfriend at the time "popped my cherry" and that he was jealous of my boyfriend. growing up my brother and cousin were both very close due to their closeness in age, and that prevented me from telling my brother, i didn't want to make things awkward between them. but once my brother proposed my cousin moving in with us i decided i had to tell him. after i told my brother about the comments he agreed that they were inappropriate and he was furious, and kept stating "he's always given me the creeps" and went on and on about how sorry he was for me and how he would stop hanging out with my cousin because he didn't want to encourage that behavior. cut to present day (about a year after i told my brother) my brother and i were talking when he casually mentions that he hung out with my cousin. i immediately did a double take and asked if i heard him correctly, he then confirmed that he has been hanging out with my cousin on and off for the last few months. i was furious! it felt like a major slap to the face that he was being friendly and hanging out with someone that made me uncomfortable on numerous occasions. my brother told me that i was over reacting and said that it wasn't a big deal that he was hanging out with him. his excuse is that my cousin was probably just trying to be funny and trying to joke around. he has also brought up the topic of my cousin moving in with us, and i told him that he has to choose between me or my cousin because i refuse to live with my cousin. i feel so betrayed and upset. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta you have a right to feel safe in your own home. you also have a right to say no to anyone moving in your home past bad behavior or not. </s>
|
AITA for feeling uncomfortable about messages from a colleague and wanting to speak to manager although they weren’t explicitly aimed at me
|
i started a new job a few weeks ago and absolutely love it it’s like the perfect job for me. but about a week ago, a colleague asked if he could be my friend which i obviously said yes to and then asked if he could message me so i said yes. he started messaging me things that made me feel a bit uneasy like me saying i’m tired and him saying “you need someone to rock you to sleep” and things like “you’re stunning, any guy would be lucky to have you” which i found very weird but still just thought he was being extra friendly.
i ignored him for a few days and he sent me messages asking why i wasn’t replying etc so i replied again when i was with my friend because we wanted to know if i was looking into it too much. he started messaging things about his wife saying “she isn’t naughty, something that i love in my women” which was obviously weird so i asked what he meant and he said “i mean naughty and expressive in bed, in bed, but i didn’t want to say that since you’re an innocent girl”. i said “hahha okay” being very blunt hoping to end that conversation but then he started saying “can i call you for 5 seconds i want to see your face” i asked why and he said “i want to see your warm smiles”. and then started saying how he wanted to hug me while i was in work but he knew i’d feel uncomfortable.
i spoke to a girl at work (24) about it and she said she had messages from him too or the same nature, saying how his wife wouldn’t have she’s with him and how he liked slutty women and how he wanted to watch a horror film with her and he’d ‘hold her and comfort her’ when she’s scared.
my issue is obviously he’s never actually said anything to us that’s aimed at us sexually and i’m new and don’t want to cause issues but it doesn’t sit right. i’m 20 f and he’s married and is about 30. i’m not sure if i’m being dramatic but i just feel so uncomfortable about seeing him again because everyone thinks of him as so friendly which he was to me initially but now i’m just creeped out by him and so is the other girl. we work in an environment with vulnerable people with disabilities as to why i feel like i need to speak to the manager.
the guy wants to start a family and i don’t want him to lose his job because of my decision to take it to the manager?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hy5coq/aita_for_feeling_uncomfortable_about_messages/
|
2020-07-26 11:24:38
|
nta talk to a manager. keep all the messages.
work isn't his personal 'hunting grounds' for young women. he is a creep and because the comments are mild, just means he's probably very practiced at this behavior. he will cross the barrier into full on creep after receiving some encouragement or even not enough resistance.
|
nta
i'm certain this falls under sexual harrassement. talk to hr about this creep.
|
nta. he is feeling out your boundaries and preying on younger women who (like you) have been socialized not to rock the boat. just because you agreed to be friends initially doesn't mean you shouldn't cut him off now that his creepy behavior squicks you out. tell him he should focus on his relationship with his wife and leave you alone. save the evidence. you don't want to be his "friend" anyway.
> he's never actually said anything that was aimed at us sexually
he's waiting for a passive or positive response before he goes there. like a creep. he wants you to worry about who will be believed when he crosses a line that could lead to consequences.
|
nta
you wrote 2 things that really stick out. you say he "obviously" didn't say sexual things directed at you, and that you don't want your decision to cost him his job.
first - no - he's very obviously targeting you for sexual harassment. like, it's so obvious that it's ridiculous. a grown married man doesn't discuss his wife's sexual preferences with co-workers, especially young female co-workers. he doesn't ask for their number. he doesn't discuss anything except work.
second - no - because he's behaving like a giant creep, if he loses his job (which he should), he has nobody to blame but himself.
believe me - you aren't special to him & you aren't his only victim. you're dealing with this because whoever was before you didn't report him. and whoever was before her. and whoever is after you...
especially at 20 when you don't have a mortgage & kids & other burdens of later adult life, stand up and report his bullshit. also, don't doubt bullshit when you see it & don't make excuses for it.
|
ok
i'm hitting capslock bc it's important
men arent creepy on accident
he knows
he knows
he's creepy on purpose
the enjoyment is in making you feel gross
it isnt about you being cute, percieved flirting, or anything else he may claim
he sees an innocent and wants to scar you up by being a creepy pervert
|
nta, i work in hr and this is absolutely textbook sexual harassment. take screenshots, document everything, and report him to hr. whatever consequences follow are completely on him, not you. it sounds like he’s done this to multiple women and could do it to many more if you don’t speak up.
|
nta and yes report it! i work in a similar environment and that person ended up being exposed for having inappropriate contact with several young ladies in his care.
|
nta, pretty sure this falls under sexual harassment.
|
nta in any way! this guy *is* creepy! maybe if you both contact the manager about him. you could also send his wife the whole conversation, let's see, what she thinks about that.
|
[deleted]
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i started a new job a few weeks ago and absolutely love it it’s like the perfect job for me. but about a week ago, a colleague asked if he could be my friend which i obviously said yes to and then asked if he could message me so i said yes. he started messaging me things that made me feel a bit uneasy like me saying i’m tired and him saying “you need someone to rock you to sleep” and things like “you’re stunning, any guy would be lucky to have you” which i found very weird but still just thought he was being extra friendly. i ignored him for a few days and he sent me messages asking why i wasn’t replying etc so i replied again when i was with my friend because we wanted to know if i was looking into it too much. he started messaging things about his wife saying “she isn’t naughty, something that i love in my women” which was obviously weird so i asked what he meant and he said “i mean naughty and expressive in bed, in bed, but i didn’t want to say that since you’re an innocent girl”. i said “hahha okay” being very blunt hoping to end that conversation but then he started saying “can i call you for 5 seconds i want to see your face” i asked why and he said “i want to see your warm smiles”. and then started saying how he wanted to hug me while i was in work but he knew i’d feel uncomfortable. i spoke to a girl at work (24) about it and she said she had messages from him too or the same nature, saying how his wife wouldn’t have she’s with him and how he liked slutty women and how he wanted to watch a horror film with her and he’d ‘hold her and comfort her’ when she’s scared. my issue is obviously he’s never actually said anything to us that’s aimed at us sexually and i’m new and don’t want to cause issues but it doesn’t sit right. i’m 20 f and he’s married and is about 30. i’m not sure if i’m being dramatic but i just feel so uncomfortable about seeing him again because everyone thinks of him as so friendly which he was to me initially but now i’m just creeped out by him and so is the other girl. we work in an environment with vulnerable people with disabilities as to why i feel like i need to speak to the manager. the guy wants to start a family and i don’t want him to lose his job because of my decision to take it to the manager?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i started a new job a few weeks ago and absolutely love it it’s like the perfect job for me. but about a week ago, a colleague asked if he could be my friend which i obviously said yes to and then asked if he could message me so i said yes. he started messaging me things that made me feel a bit uneasy like me saying i’m tired and him saying “you need someone to rock you to sleep” and things like “you’re stunning, any guy would be lucky to have you” which i found very weird but still just thought he was being extra friendly. i ignored him for a few days and he sent me messages asking why i wasn’t replying etc so i replied again when i was with my friend because we wanted to know if i was looking into it too much. he started messaging things about his wife saying “she isn’t naughty, something that i love in my women” which was obviously weird so i asked what he meant and he said “i mean naughty and expressive in bed, in bed, but i didn’t want to say that since you’re an innocent girl”. i said “hahha okay” being very blunt hoping to end that conversation but then he started saying “can i call you for 5 seconds i want to see your face” i asked why and he said “i want to see your warm smiles”. and then started saying how he wanted to hug me while i was in work but he knew i’d feel uncomfortable. i spoke to a girl at work (24) about it and she said she had messages from him too or the same nature, saying how his wife wouldn’t have she’s with him and how he liked slutty women and how he wanted to watch a horror film with her and he’d ‘hold her and comfort her’ when she’s scared. my issue is obviously he’s never actually said anything to us that’s aimed at us sexually and i’m new and don’t want to cause issues but it doesn’t sit right. i’m 20 f and he’s married and is about 30. i’m not sure if i’m being dramatic but i just feel so uncomfortable about seeing him again because everyone thinks of him as so friendly which he was to me initially but now i’m just creeped out by him and so is the other girl. we work in an environment with vulnerable people with disabilities as to why i feel like i need to speak to the manager. the guy wants to start a family and i don’t want him to lose his job because of my decision to take it to the manager? [/INST] nta talk to a manager. keep all the messages. work isn't his personal 'hunting grounds' for young women. he is a creep and because the comments are mild, just means he's probably very practiced at this behavior. he will cross the barrier into full on creep after receiving some encouragement or even not enough resistance. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to talk to my dad and having my stepdad walk me down the aisle instead of my dad
|
my dad has always been extremely manipulative and controlling of me (25f) and my siblings a(23m) and b(17f). he has also always been extremely strict on everything. he wouldn't even allow me or my sister to have male friends growing up, and this was even in highschool.
my dad had messed me up a lot when i was young. he would constantly drive while drunk with us in the car when we were little, and at one point even tried to pick up a prostitute with us in the back seat. he has always guilt tripped me and my siblings into doing what he wanted and tried to get us to pick his side when my mom was trying to get custody of us.
he also would routinely say mean and terrible things about my mother when we were little to try and brain wash us into thinking she is a terrible person who had abandoned us ( which isn't true at all). along with all of that he would constantly talk down to me about everything, and would make fun of me whenever i messed up on doing something. he has also called me a number of colorful names as well as my younger sister.
my mom and dad had never been married and their relationship was really toxic so they haven't been together for around 15 years. well my mom had gotten married to my stepdad when i was 13 and she was really happy. ( this was around the time my mom went to court for custody of me and my siblings) my stepdad has been really good to me and treats me like i'm his own daughter. he was the one to buy me my first car, send me off on my first date as well as see me off for my senior prom. he was the one that gave me so much love and support when i was struggling with depression (my also was supporting me). this man had helped my mom get custody of us by paying all the lawyer fees and everything. he has been someone i am so grateful for.
well around last year i had realized that my dad was super toxic to me and i had sat him down to talk to him about his behavior towards me and my siblings. that talk did not go well and he ended up staying that i was an ungrateful entitled person and my mom was behind me rebelling against him and what he says. he then told me that i had to apologise to him or that he wouldn't talk to me again.
this year my boyfriend had proposed to me and at this point i had enough of my father's controlling behavior and just done with him in general. so i had asked my stepdad to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. well my dad found out and threw a big tantrum about it and i told him to shut up and told him about everything that he and put me through. he said that what had happened in the past didn't matter and that i was being a witch for not letting him walk me down the aisle.
well now i'm confused because people from both sides of my family are saying that i'm right but also wrong to do this to my dad.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hz6re3/aita_for_not_wanting_to_talk_to_my_dad_and_having/
|
2020-07-28 02:59:01
|
nta i wouldn't even invite your dad. he will just ruin the day. you don't owe anyone anything. it's your day. do what makes you happy.
|
nta-your dad is your blood but he’s not a father in any meaningful way. your stepfather is the one who has shown you how a dad really acts. he’s the one who should be walking you down the aisle not a man who wants the public/social rewards of being a father so he can look like dad of the year while not actually putting an effort into being a dad.
|
you'd only be an asshole if you didnt let your step dad walk you down the aisle. just because he isnt blood doesnt mean he isnt your dad. hes been there for you while your dad has tried to destroy you
|
nta. full stop. it's your wedding, you get to choose who does what and why, and no one but your so can do anything about that. if your stepdad is the one you want to walk you down the isle, that's who should! he seems more like a dad to you than your real dad anyway.
|
nta. your stepfather was more of a father to you in 12 years than your dad was in 25 years. don't even invite him to the wedding, if any relatives complain tell them they don't have to come. worse case scenario you will only have 3 and not 7 crock pots as wedding gifts.
|
nta. it's your wedding and you are allowed to have whomever you wish walk you down the aisle. tbh, i wouldn't even invite your bio dad. but again, your wedding so you do you boo
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my dad has always been extremely manipulative and controlling of me (25f) and my siblings a(23m) and b(17f). he has also always been extremely strict on everything. he wouldn't even allow me or my sister to have male friends growing up, and this was even in highschool. my dad had messed me up a lot when i was young. he would constantly drive while drunk with us in the car when we were little, and at one point even tried to pick up a prostitute with us in the back seat. he has always guilt tripped me and my siblings into doing what he wanted and tried to get us to pick his side when my mom was trying to get custody of us. he also would routinely say mean and terrible things about my mother when we were little to try and brain wash us into thinking she is a terrible person who had abandoned us ( which isn't true at all). along with all of that he would constantly talk down to me about everything, and would make fun of me whenever i messed up on doing something. he has also called me a number of colorful names as well as my younger sister. my mom and dad had never been married and their relationship was really toxic so they haven't been together for around 15 years. well my mom had gotten married to my stepdad when i was 13 and she was really happy. ( this was around the time my mom went to court for custody of me and my siblings) my stepdad has been really good to me and treats me like i'm his own daughter. he was the one to buy me my first car, send me off on my first date as well as see me off for my senior prom. he was the one that gave me so much love and support when i was struggling with depression (my also was supporting me). this man had helped my mom get custody of us by paying all the lawyer fees and everything. he has been someone i am so grateful for. well around last year i had realized that my dad was super toxic to me and i had sat him down to talk to him about his behavior towards me and my siblings. that talk did not go well and he ended up staying that i was an ungrateful entitled person and my mom was behind me rebelling against him and what he says. he then told me that i had to apologise to him or that he wouldn't talk to me again. this year my boyfriend had proposed to me and at this point i had enough of my father's controlling behavior and just done with him in general. so i had asked my stepdad to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. well my dad found out and threw a big tantrum about it and i told him to shut up and told him about everything that he and put me through. he said that what had happened in the past didn't matter and that i was being a witch for not letting him walk me down the aisle. well now i'm confused because people from both sides of my family are saying that i'm right but also wrong to do this to my dad.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my dad has always been extremely manipulative and controlling of me (25f) and my siblings a(23m) and b(17f). he has also always been extremely strict on everything. he wouldn't even allow me or my sister to have male friends growing up, and this was even in highschool. my dad had messed me up a lot when i was young. he would constantly drive while drunk with us in the car when we were little, and at one point even tried to pick up a prostitute with us in the back seat. he has always guilt tripped me and my siblings into doing what he wanted and tried to get us to pick his side when my mom was trying to get custody of us. he also would routinely say mean and terrible things about my mother when we were little to try and brain wash us into thinking she is a terrible person who had abandoned us ( which isn't true at all). along with all of that he would constantly talk down to me about everything, and would make fun of me whenever i messed up on doing something. he has also called me a number of colorful names as well as my younger sister. my mom and dad had never been married and their relationship was really toxic so they haven't been together for around 15 years. well my mom had gotten married to my stepdad when i was 13 and she was really happy. ( this was around the time my mom went to court for custody of me and my siblings) my stepdad has been really good to me and treats me like i'm his own daughter. he was the one to buy me my first car, send me off on my first date as well as see me off for my senior prom. he was the one that gave me so much love and support when i was struggling with depression (my also was supporting me). this man had helped my mom get custody of us by paying all the lawyer fees and everything. he has been someone i am so grateful for. well around last year i had realized that my dad was super toxic to me and i had sat him down to talk to him about his behavior towards me and my siblings. that talk did not go well and he ended up staying that i was an ungrateful entitled person and my mom was behind me rebelling against him and what he says. he then told me that i had to apologise to him or that he wouldn't talk to me again. this year my boyfriend had proposed to me and at this point i had enough of my father's controlling behavior and just done with him in general. so i had asked my stepdad to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. well my dad found out and threw a big tantrum about it and i told him to shut up and told him about everything that he and put me through. he said that what had happened in the past didn't matter and that i was being a witch for not letting him walk me down the aisle. well now i'm confused because people from both sides of my family are saying that i'm right but also wrong to do this to my dad. [/INST] nta i wouldn't even invite your dad. he will just ruin the day. you don't owe anyone anything. it's your day. do what makes you happy. </s>
|
AITA for calling her jailbird?
|
my mom got out of prison three months ago and came to stay with me. i made it very clear that she had one month to get a job and then i was expecting rent ($500 monthly). she promised. one month in and she has no job so i tell her to leave. she cried and cried, so i said, okay, two more weeks. she gets a job right under the wire.
two weeks after that, i ask for the $500. she goes on and on about how she doesn't have it. finally she gives me $100. i tell her thanks and then to get out. she starts crying and then leaves to go stay with my brother.
my brother called me the next day all mad because he doesn't want her around his kids. he offered me $800 to take her back. i agreed.
so she stayed for a month and today i ask for rent. she said "i wish i could invite god into your heart. what kind of christian treats their own mother this way?"
i said "well, jailbird, are you really one to be passing judgement?" she started crying and ran to her room and locked herself inside. my brother called and asked me to make up with her because he can't have her and doesn't want her on the streets. he said i lost the moral high ground when i stooped to name calling. am i the asshole?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vm1r7y/aita_for_calling_her_jailbird/
|
2022-06-27 18:04:15
|
nta
while the jailbird comment was unnecessary, i'd argue your *mom* lost the moral high ground when she tried to use a deity to help her mooch.
your *brother* has absolutely no right to talk on the matter. it's nice he doesn't want her on the streets, but if she has worn out her welcome with you and he refuses to take her himself, that leaves one option. if he paid *you* why does he not just rent her an apartment?
|
i'm going with nta . although your comment was intentionally hurtful.
i don't need to know why was incarcerated. it is apparent that your, and brother's relationship with her is, should i say, strained? there is definitely anger and mistrust.
she agreed to pay you $500 per month. she attempted to manipulate you and shame you when she didn't have it. crying in her room may be further manipulation.
you must decide if she can stay if your brother makes the monthly payment.
if so, set clear boundaries and rules. be clear.. make sure that she understands. set the consequences as she must leave if she breaks them. draw up a contract for both of you to sign, if you like.
you are in a difficult position. protect yourself. good luck. all my best.
|
nta - from your comments below and in op it really sounds like your mother has never been much of a "mom". the fact that your brother doesn't want her around his kids speaks volume.
you are not under an obligation to house her. yes she's in a terribly difficult position - that she. put. herself. in.
i don't think the name calling was necessary. but i also don't think emotionally and spiritually manipulating one's daughter into taking care of their mother is necessary either.
|
nta - you have no obligations to house this woman even if she is your mother. full stop.
|
info: what kind of mother was she before going to prison? was she around? did you have a good childhood?
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my mom got out of prison three months ago and came to stay with me. i made it very clear that she had one month to get a job and then i was expecting rent ($500 monthly). she promised. one month in and she has no job so i tell her to leave. she cried and cried, so i said, okay, two more weeks. she gets a job right under the wire. two weeks after that, i ask for the $500. she goes on and on about how she doesn't have it. finally she gives me $100. i tell her thanks and then to get out. she starts crying and then leaves to go stay with my brother. my brother called me the next day all mad because he doesn't want her around his kids. he offered me $800 to take her back. i agreed. so she stayed for a month and today i ask for rent. she said "i wish i could invite god into your heart. what kind of christian treats their own mother this way?" i said "well, jailbird, are you really one to be passing judgement?" she started crying and ran to her room and locked herself inside. my brother called and asked me to make up with her because he can't have her and doesn't want her on the streets. he said i lost the moral high ground when i stooped to name calling. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my mom got out of prison three months ago and came to stay with me. i made it very clear that she had one month to get a job and then i was expecting rent ($500 monthly). she promised. one month in and she has no job so i tell her to leave. she cried and cried, so i said, okay, two more weeks. she gets a job right under the wire. two weeks after that, i ask for the $500. she goes on and on about how she doesn't have it. finally she gives me $100. i tell her thanks and then to get out. she starts crying and then leaves to go stay with my brother. my brother called me the next day all mad because he doesn't want her around his kids. he offered me $800 to take her back. i agreed. so she stayed for a month and today i ask for rent. she said "i wish i could invite god into your heart. what kind of christian treats their own mother this way?" i said "well, jailbird, are you really one to be passing judgement?" she started crying and ran to her room and locked herself inside. my brother called and asked me to make up with her because he can't have her and doesn't want her on the streets. he said i lost the moral high ground when i stooped to name calling. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta while the jailbird comment was unnecessary, i'd argue your *mom* lost the moral high ground when she tried to use a deity to help her mooch. your *brother* has absolutely no right to talk on the matter. it's nice he doesn't want her on the streets, but if she has worn out her welcome with you and he refuses to take her himself, that leaves one option. if he paid *you* why does he not just rent her an apartment? </s>
|
WIBTA if I refused to give my mum a fridge that she bought us 10 years ago as a gift?
|
so this may be the most vanilla post on aita ever and i apologise, but i’m [31f] a very conflict-averse person (particularly with regards to my mum [60f] for reasons outlined below) so it’s kind of a big deal for me.
i’ll preface this by stating that my mum feels easily slighted and can cross boundaries. she finds it difficult to accept when she has mistreated someone and can escalate dramatically when confronted. i tend to walk on eggshells and constantly deny my own wants/needs/emotions so that she feels comfortable. i am aware that this is not helpful but it’s a lifelong pattern that’s difficult to break.
my mum went into early retirement several years ago as she lives comfortably on her investments.
10 years ago my husband and i moved into our home and mum bought us a fridge as a gift. we were students at the time. we live in a small, modest house but i have spent a great deal of time and energy honing the aesthetics of our home. i’ve always been interested in interior decorating. i struggle with my mental health and my home helps me feel calm, happy, and in control. but i recognise that i am perfectionistic and pedantic about things looking a certain way. im hyperaware of small details. the fridge is simple and white and blends in with our white kitchen which is part of an open plan kitchen-dining-living. it sounds silly but i love our fridge.
recently mum has started talking about moving into her rental property. she has a problem because her current fridge is too big to fit in the fridge recess at the rental. she has announced (not asked) that when she moves we‘re going to swap fridges with her because ours is smaller. she’s brought it up a handful of times and each time i tell her how much i like our fridge but she doesn’t relent. her fridge is steel (not white) and would visually make a big impact in our small space.
wibta if i refused to let her swap fridges with us? it could potentially lead to her blowing up, with possible silent treatment/acts of revenge and definite bad mouthing to relatives.
at the end of the day i know it’s just a fridge and she paid for it, but i feel like it’s an ah move to take back a gift, particularly in the way she decided it was happening and informed us rather than asking us if it would be ok.
my therapist says i need to learn to create boundaries with my mum but that usually relates to her saying nasty things (for example insulting my appearance or criticising my baby). however in this instance there is something tangible to lose so i have more motivation. but perhaps this is the wrong hill to die on and i’m an asshole for being concerned about a fridge.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fjio49/wibta_if_i_refused_to_give_my_mum_a_fridge_that/
|
2020-03-16 10:11:08
|
nta. when she says this, just be boring about your response. "no, we are not trading fridges. we are keeping ours. if you need a new fridge i am happy to help you look for one online." (unless you don't want to help, which is fine)
"no, i already told you we are not giving you our fridge."
shut her down. if she gets dramatic, end the conversation. again, don't feed the drama beast. "ok, sorry you feel that way. let's talk when you aren't upset." *click*
she is a fire but you are oxygen. without you feeding the fire, it has nowhere to go.
|
nta. your mother is an overbearing narc. head on over to justnomil, they include mothers too. they will help you grow your backbone so you can put this woman in her place. since your mother is living comfortably, she shouldn't have any problem finding a fridge will fit her space.
|
nta you now have the opportunity to practice your boundaries with your mother on a rock solid topic. be happy you have this situation to deal with!
mom”don’t forget we are trading fridges”
you”oh right, we’ve decided to keep our fridge as is, it’s a perfect fit in our kitchen. i can help you sell yours on craigslist and select a new one”
mom” no, i don’t think you understand, i’ve already decided to switch fridges with you”
you”mom, we like our fridge, it’s a perfect size for our kitchen. your fridge is too big for your new kitchen and our kitchen, which is why we need to keep ours. like i said, i can help you sell yours on craigslist and assist in selecting the correctly sized new fridge for your new place “
mom”are you serious? are you telling me, you refuse to switch?”
you” refuse to switch? those aren’t the words i would use. your fridge is too large for our kitchen. are you saying you don’t want help on craigslist?”
mom” it would be way easier for me to switch with you, i can’t believe you are causing this much of a fuss over a refrigerator! just switch already!!”
you”mom, we love you, but the answer is a definite no to switching. i hope this situation isn’t going to be a problem for you to get past, we are not switching.”
mom” i can’t believe this”
you” i can’t either”
and then you say you need to end the call. you don’t apologize, you don’t make excuses, you say you have to go. that’s it. no big drama filled conversation.
|
nta. she can’t decide what you’re doing with your fridge.
|
nta. it was a gift. it is now 100% yours, in every sense (even legally). she can not force you to swap. if you love your fridge, you keep your fridge. she can sell hers on craig's list, and buy a new one. you do not owe her this "convenience", that is your fridge. she can not hijack it. you don't owe it to her. ... ... and stay strong... cause... you know her... i expect you'll get what you expect, when you put your foot down and say no... but you should do that soon. before she's lining up movers... waiting till the last minute, outta fear, would be a sucky move... tell her in time to prep. rather ahe accepts that, and acts accordingly, is on her.
|
nta ... if it was truly a gift, it's yours not hers. keep your 'fridge. you do need to set boundaries with your mother. from what you have said, it appears that if you don't learn to set boundaries, your mh struggles will continue. this is only going to get worse as she ages. do it now.
|
nta. just say, "ohh i thought that was a gift" "so you want to take back your gift?". make people explain their rudeness.
|
nta and if you back down because you fear she’ll blow up then she’ll blow up every time because she has learned that is how to manipulate you. just keep repeating that you’re not going to swap fridges with her. she’s not going to come in and physically steal your fridge so she’d presumably need some cooperation. don’t agree and don’t give in. this is inevitably going to lead to some conflict, but it sounds like she has a history of this stuff. the relatives she is bad mouthing you to probably know as well as you what she is like and probably don’t take her seriously.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so this may be the most vanilla post on aita ever and i apologise, but i’m [31f] a very conflict-averse person (particularly with regards to my mum [60f] for reasons outlined below) so it’s kind of a big deal for me. i’ll preface this by stating that my mum feels easily slighted and can cross boundaries. she finds it difficult to accept when she has mistreated someone and can escalate dramatically when confronted. i tend to walk on eggshells and constantly deny my own wants/needs/emotions so that she feels comfortable. i am aware that this is not helpful but it’s a lifelong pattern that’s difficult to break. my mum went into early retirement several years ago as she lives comfortably on her investments. 10 years ago my husband and i moved into our home and mum bought us a fridge as a gift. we were students at the time. we live in a small, modest house but i have spent a great deal of time and energy honing the aesthetics of our home. i’ve always been interested in interior decorating. i struggle with my mental health and my home helps me feel calm, happy, and in control. but i recognise that i am perfectionistic and pedantic about things looking a certain way. im hyperaware of small details. the fridge is simple and white and blends in with our white kitchen which is part of an open plan kitchen-dining-living. it sounds silly but i love our fridge. recently mum has started talking about moving into her rental property. she has a problem because her current fridge is too big to fit in the fridge recess at the rental. she has announced (not asked) that when she moves we‘re going to swap fridges with her because ours is smaller. she’s brought it up a handful of times and each time i tell her how much i like our fridge but she doesn’t relent. her fridge is steel (not white) and would visually make a big impact in our small space. wibta if i refused to let her swap fridges with us? it could potentially lead to her blowing up, with possible silent treatment/acts of revenge and definite bad mouthing to relatives. at the end of the day i know it’s just a fridge and she paid for it, but i feel like it’s an ah move to take back a gift, particularly in the way she decided it was happening and informed us rather than asking us if it would be ok. my therapist says i need to learn to create boundaries with my mum but that usually relates to her saying nasty things (for example insulting my appearance or criticising my baby). however in this instance there is something tangible to lose so i have more motivation. but perhaps this is the wrong hill to die on and i’m an asshole for being concerned about a fridge.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so this may be the most vanilla post on aita ever and i apologise, but i’m [31f] a very conflict-averse person (particularly with regards to my mum [60f] for reasons outlined below) so it’s kind of a big deal for me. i’ll preface this by stating that my mum feels easily slighted and can cross boundaries. she finds it difficult to accept when she has mistreated someone and can escalate dramatically when confronted. i tend to walk on eggshells and constantly deny my own wants/needs/emotions so that she feels comfortable. i am aware that this is not helpful but it’s a lifelong pattern that’s difficult to break. my mum went into early retirement several years ago as she lives comfortably on her investments. 10 years ago my husband and i moved into our home and mum bought us a fridge as a gift. we were students at the time. we live in a small, modest house but i have spent a great deal of time and energy honing the aesthetics of our home. i’ve always been interested in interior decorating. i struggle with my mental health and my home helps me feel calm, happy, and in control. but i recognise that i am perfectionistic and pedantic about things looking a certain way. im hyperaware of small details. the fridge is simple and white and blends in with our white kitchen which is part of an open plan kitchen-dining-living. it sounds silly but i love our fridge. recently mum has started talking about moving into her rental property. she has a problem because her current fridge is too big to fit in the fridge recess at the rental. she has announced (not asked) that when she moves we‘re going to swap fridges with her because ours is smaller. she’s brought it up a handful of times and each time i tell her how much i like our fridge but she doesn’t relent. her fridge is steel (not white) and would visually make a big impact in our small space. wibta if i refused to let her swap fridges with us? it could potentially lead to her blowing up, with possible silent treatment/acts of revenge and definite bad mouthing to relatives. at the end of the day i know it’s just a fridge and she paid for it, but i feel like it’s an ah move to take back a gift, particularly in the way she decided it was happening and informed us rather than asking us if it would be ok. my therapist says i need to learn to create boundaries with my mum but that usually relates to her saying nasty things (for example insulting my appearance or criticising my baby). however in this instance there is something tangible to lose so i have more motivation. but perhaps this is the wrong hill to die on and i’m an asshole for being concerned about a fridge. [/INST] nta. when she says this, just be boring about your response. "no, we are not trading fridges. we are keeping ours. if you need a new fridge i am happy to help you look for one online." (unless you don't want to help, which is fine) "no, i already told you we are not giving you our fridge." shut her down. if she gets dramatic, end the conversation. again, don't feed the drama beast. "ok, sorry you feel that way. let's talk when you aren't upset." *click* she is a fire but you are oxygen. without you feeding the fire, it has nowhere to go. </s>
|
AITA for giving my dad an ultimatum?
|
so, i'm a teenager, and in high school. and i do not like to wake up early. but i am the first one up on weekday mornings at my house, because my parents won't get out of bed.
my dad tells me that if i fail to complete my chores, i'll get my phone taken away for the rest of the day and i'll get it back in the morning.
i told him "have fun getting up at five-thirty or having us all be late" because without my alarms, i won't get up.
dad got kinda upset at this, and i was wondering if i was the asshole?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e1aq3y/aita_for_giving_my_dad_an_ultimatum/
|
2019-11-25 04:26:32
|
info if you’re a teenager and can wake up on your own why do you need them to be up when you are? also do they have their own alarm clocks or is waking them up one of your chores? none of this makes sense
|
it pains me to say it because now i sound like *my* dad, but ya'll need some alarm clocks or watches. what household relies on one teenager and their phone to wake up in the morning?
|
info: are the chores completely out of the norm and not something a teenager should be doing? like, are you doing all the housekeeping, yard work, and cooking? or is it something simple like taking out the trash and cleaning your room?
i mean, i have kids your age. if they don't do their housework and it falls on me while i also pay all the bills, it's a pretty shitty arrangement. but, i also accept the fact they both go to school, have outside activities, and work part-time. so we usually split the chores with me doing the bulk of the work and them taking care of their own messes. so if you're bitching about cleaning *your own room,* you're the asshole. but if you're complaining because literally all the housework falls on your shoulders and there's absolutely no way you can get it all done, you're not.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null |
INFO
| null |
INFO
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, i'm a teenager, and in high school. and i do not like to wake up early. but i am the first one up on weekday mornings at my house, because my parents won't get out of bed. my dad tells me that if i fail to complete my chores, i'll get my phone taken away for the rest of the day and i'll get it back in the morning. i told him "have fun getting up at five-thirty or having us all be late" because without my alarms, i won't get up. dad got kinda upset at this, and i was wondering if i was the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, i'm a teenager, and in high school. and i do not like to wake up early. but i am the first one up on weekday mornings at my house, because my parents won't get out of bed. my dad tells me that if i fail to complete my chores, i'll get my phone taken away for the rest of the day and i'll get it back in the morning. i told him "have fun getting up at five-thirty or having us all be late" because without my alarms, i won't get up. dad got kinda upset at this, and i was wondering if i was the asshole? [/INST] info if you’re a teenager and can wake up on your own why do you need them to be up when you are? also do they have their own alarm clocks or is waking them up one of your chores? none of this makes sense </s>
|
AITA for not attending to the triple date my gf and I are invited?
|
last week my gf asked me if i wanted to go on a triple date with her sister and her cousin. this week when the topic came up, she said that she must have understood something false and that its actually just the girls meeting. i said cool and asked if she is sure about it. today after she arrived at the cousins place she called me and said that its not just the girls but actually the triple date. i told her that i already have something else todo and that i dont wanna drive 40 minutes to the place. now she wont stop messaging me how i should come over etc..
do i need to feel bad about not wanting to attend now?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n75fee/aita_for_not_attending_to_the_triple_date_my_gf/
|
2021-05-07 18:31:28
|
nah, not awarding assholes over what i perceive as misunderstandings about who is going where. no enemy action spotted.
it happens, i'll tell everyone to just deal at this point.
|
nta
your gf gave you conflicting information, told you not to come, then expects you to drop everything and run. that’s unreasonable.
|
nta. she uninvited you so you made other plans. she should’ve gotten more accurate info from the beginning.
|
nta, she said to you earlier in the week that it was just a girls meeting, and then turns out to be the triple date. if you didn't have anything else to do, then the it would be nice if you go, but you already have things to do, so it technically isn't your obligation to go.
now if you think that your other plans can wait/are not that important, then you could go just to avoid problems with your gf. but again, she messed up, it's up to you if you want to go or not.
|
nta
it's rude to expect someone to drop everything at the drop of a hat.
|
nta c'mon, she's being ridiculous. i mean, i understand it was a major communication issue that occurred here, but that's not your fault.
| null | null | null | null |
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.001294 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: last week my gf asked me if i wanted to go on a triple date with her sister and her cousin. this week when the topic came up, she said that she must have understood something false and that its actually just the girls meeting. i said cool and asked if she is sure about it. today after she arrived at the cousins place she called me and said that its not just the girls but actually the triple date. i told her that i already have something else todo and that i dont wanna drive 40 minutes to the place. now she wont stop messaging me how i should come over etc.. do i need to feel bad about not wanting to attend now?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
last week my gf asked me if i wanted to go on a triple date with her sister and her cousin. this week when the topic came up, she said that she must have understood something false and that its actually just the girls meeting. i said cool and asked if she is sure about it. today after she arrived at the cousins place she called me and said that its not just the girls but actually the triple date. i told her that i already have something else todo and that i dont wanna drive 40 minutes to the place. now she wont stop messaging me how i should come over etc.. do i need to feel bad about not wanting to attend now? [/INST] nah, not awarding assholes over what i perceive as misunderstandings about who is going where. no enemy action spotted. it happens, i'll tell everyone to just deal at this point. </s>
|
AITA for being upset that my Valentine’s Day gift was paid for by my mom?
|
so this is an argument between me and my mom even though it involves my partner.
so me and my partner have been together 3 years. she’s my first serious partner since i came out as a lesbian 5 years ago. and my mom has always been semi-supportive? she said she loves me but she’s always saying things like “how can you give me grandkids” and like “are you sure you’re not just bi?” but she likes my partner enough.
this year for valentine’s day my girlfriend got me a wig. which is nice because i recently got a buzz cut and i am into cosplay and wigs can be expensive and it’s kind of a weird valentine’s day gift but whatever it was cute and pink and perfect for cosplaying.
issue: my mom texted me and asked if i loved the gift my girlfriend got me and i said yes and sent her a photo and she got pissed off that it was pink. and i was confused because why would my mom be mad about a gift that was gotten for me? so i asked my gf and she told me that my mom had reached out to her and told her to get me a wig as a gift and she would
pay half of it bc wigs can be expensive and my girlfriend thought my mom was just being sweet and invested in my life and our hobbies. but turns out that she had done this in secret hoping my gf would get me a normal coloured wig so that i could wear it out in public when i’m with family bc my buzz cut is embarrassing to my mom and makes me look too much like a lesbian.
so i texted my mom and told her that i would pay her back her half and if she wanted me to get a wig or do something different with my life she should tell me directly and not plot these weird plans to be in my buisness. my girlfriend think i went overboard because she offered to help and i did get a nice gift even though it isn’t exactly what my mom wanted, and she was still trying to be nice even though i don’t think she was at all.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lk7hbn/aita_for_being_upset_that_my_valentines_day_gift/
|
2021-02-15 06:20:11
|
nta, your mom thought she was smooth by indirectly getting your partner to change your look for her benefit but it backfired. keep rocking whatever hair you like op, mom's gonna have to get over it and you don't owe her anything.
|
nta
wow... that's deeply fucked up. that's like sitcom levels of bizarre plotting, but with just a heaping pile of homophobia to go along with it.
|
nta. what your mom did was go behind your back and manipulate your partner to get to you. it was super backhanded and unnacceptable.
|
nta. your mom sounds pretty controlling to get that uppity about a hairstyle. and honestly, the way she responds to your sexuality and partner isn’t very redeemable, she’s probably just trying to make herself look good so she can try to control your choices in the future. even if she likes your partner.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so this is an argument between me and my mom even though it involves my partner. so me and my partner have been together 3 years. she’s my first serious partner since i came out as a lesbian 5 years ago. and my mom has always been semi-supportive? she said she loves me but she’s always saying things like “how can you give me grandkids” and like “are you sure you’re not just bi?” but she likes my partner enough. this year for valentine’s day my girlfriend got me a wig. which is nice because i recently got a buzz cut and i am into cosplay and wigs can be expensive and it’s kind of a weird valentine’s day gift but whatever it was cute and pink and perfect for cosplaying. issue: my mom texted me and asked if i loved the gift my girlfriend got me and i said yes and sent her a photo and she got pissed off that it was pink. and i was confused because why would my mom be mad about a gift that was gotten for me? so i asked my gf and she told me that my mom had reached out to her and told her to get me a wig as a gift and she would pay half of it bc wigs can be expensive and my girlfriend thought my mom was just being sweet and invested in my life and our hobbies. but turns out that she had done this in secret hoping my gf would get me a normal coloured wig so that i could wear it out in public when i’m with family bc my buzz cut is embarrassing to my mom and makes me look too much like a lesbian. so i texted my mom and told her that i would pay her back her half and if she wanted me to get a wig or do something different with my life she should tell me directly and not plot these weird plans to be in my buisness. my girlfriend think i went overboard because she offered to help and i did get a nice gift even though it isn’t exactly what my mom wanted, and she was still trying to be nice even though i don’t think she was at all.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so this is an argument between me and my mom even though it involves my partner. so me and my partner have been together 3 years. she’s my first serious partner since i came out as a lesbian 5 years ago. and my mom has always been semi-supportive? she said she loves me but she’s always saying things like “how can you give me grandkids” and like “are you sure you’re not just bi?” but she likes my partner enough. this year for valentine’s day my girlfriend got me a wig. which is nice because i recently got a buzz cut and i am into cosplay and wigs can be expensive and it’s kind of a weird valentine’s day gift but whatever it was cute and pink and perfect for cosplaying. issue: my mom texted me and asked if i loved the gift my girlfriend got me and i said yes and sent her a photo and she got pissed off that it was pink. and i was confused because why would my mom be mad about a gift that was gotten for me? so i asked my gf and she told me that my mom had reached out to her and told her to get me a wig as a gift and she would pay half of it bc wigs can be expensive and my girlfriend thought my mom was just being sweet and invested in my life and our hobbies. but turns out that she had done this in secret hoping my gf would get me a normal coloured wig so that i could wear it out in public when i’m with family bc my buzz cut is embarrassing to my mom and makes me look too much like a lesbian. so i texted my mom and told her that i would pay her back her half and if she wanted me to get a wig or do something different with my life she should tell me directly and not plot these weird plans to be in my buisness. my girlfriend think i went overboard because she offered to help and i did get a nice gift even though it isn’t exactly what my mom wanted, and she was still trying to be nice even though i don’t think she was at all. [/INST] nta, your mom thought she was smooth by indirectly getting your partner to change your look for her benefit but it backfired. keep rocking whatever hair you like op, mom's gonna have to get over it and you don't owe her anything. </s>
|
AITA for criticizing my grandpa’s paintings and refusing apologize?
|
so my grandpa recently started painting and he’s good, not great but good. and every time we visit he shows us his paintings and basically expects us to compliment them. but the problem is that my grandpa can be a real asshole sometimes and i’ve never in my life received a compliment from him on anything. but now that i have a degree in arts (which he was very disapproving of) he wants to hear from me how good the paintings are. and yea they’re not bad, but there’s a lot of perspective/anatomical mistakes in them and he’s trying to go for realism. so i started saying the usual like they’re great and good job - because arguing with him is not worth it most of the times because he’ll than explain how disappointed he is at every single life decision of yours. but before i started to say all the routine stuff he looked at my aunt who was looking at some old pictures my grandpa keeps tucked away of me and my brother when we were children and said: yea that’s from when i still thought they’d be successful one day (with obvious disappointment) so i looked back at the paintings and pinpointed all of the mistakes and i left. well he hasn’t spoken to me for a few months now and my family is kinda pressuring me to call him…but i’m honestly way happier without his constant criticism of everything i do. but my family is mad at me, because now they have to listen to all of the complaining about not raising their granddaughter good enough. i don’t want him in my life, neither does my brother whom is the only one siding with me… i honestly don’t really know what to do now..
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wtn38d/aita_for_criticizing_my_grandpas_paintings_and/
|
2022-08-21 01:29:25
|
nta. you responded in the perfect way when your grandfather was being crabby and rude. he should apologize to you instead.
|
nta, don't back down. he doesn't get a free pass just because he's old or because he's "family" so if people are unhappy about that concept they can pound sand.
you don't have to keep anyone around who makes you feel bad, family or otherwise.
|
nta. "f the old guy."
|
honestly, this is a cathartic win it sounded like you not only needed but deserved. nta
|
nta. you can only take so much and should only take so much guff.
i guess you can tell your parents you are sorry that grandpa never learned to appreciate anyone else and is so needy to have everyone praise him. they have chosen their path for dealing with him, and you have chosen yours. he's always going to have something to put down or complain about. he'll move on to something else in time. if they want to continue to allow him to treat people that way, then that's part of what they have to deal with. but you are out.
|
nta
he can treat you the way he wants to be treated. see him if and when you want to see him and don't give it another thought.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my grandpa recently started painting and he’s good, not great but good. and every time we visit he shows us his paintings and basically expects us to compliment them. but the problem is that my grandpa can be a real asshole sometimes and i’ve never in my life received a compliment from him on anything. but now that i have a degree in arts (which he was very disapproving of) he wants to hear from me how good the paintings are. and yea they’re not bad, but there’s a lot of perspective/anatomical mistakes in them and he’s trying to go for realism. so i started saying the usual like they’re great and good job - because arguing with him is not worth it most of the times because he’ll than explain how disappointed he is at every single life decision of yours. but before i started to say all the routine stuff he looked at my aunt who was looking at some old pictures my grandpa keeps tucked away of me and my brother when we were children and said: yea that’s from when i still thought they’d be successful one day (with obvious disappointment) so i looked back at the paintings and pinpointed all of the mistakes and i left. well he hasn’t spoken to me for a few months now and my family is kinda pressuring me to call him…but i’m honestly way happier without his constant criticism of everything i do. but my family is mad at me, because now they have to listen to all of the complaining about not raising their granddaughter good enough. i don’t want him in my life, neither does my brother whom is the only one siding with me… i honestly don’t really know what to do now..
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my grandpa recently started painting and he’s good, not great but good. and every time we visit he shows us his paintings and basically expects us to compliment them. but the problem is that my grandpa can be a real asshole sometimes and i’ve never in my life received a compliment from him on anything. but now that i have a degree in arts (which he was very disapproving of) he wants to hear from me how good the paintings are. and yea they’re not bad, but there’s a lot of perspective/anatomical mistakes in them and he’s trying to go for realism. so i started saying the usual like they’re great and good job - because arguing with him is not worth it most of the times because he’ll than explain how disappointed he is at every single life decision of yours. but before i started to say all the routine stuff he looked at my aunt who was looking at some old pictures my grandpa keeps tucked away of me and my brother when we were children and said: yea that’s from when i still thought they’d be successful one day (with obvious disappointment) so i looked back at the paintings and pinpointed all of the mistakes and i left. well he hasn’t spoken to me for a few months now and my family is kinda pressuring me to call him…but i’m honestly way happier without his constant criticism of everything i do. but my family is mad at me, because now they have to listen to all of the complaining about not raising their granddaughter good enough. i don’t want him in my life, neither does my brother whom is the only one siding with me… i honestly don’t really know what to do now.. [/INST] nta. you responded in the perfect way when your grandfather was being crabby and rude. he should apologize to you instead. </s>
|
AITA or is this professor manipulative?
|
i (20 f) am in nursing school. currently halfway through this semester. i heard horror stories about one professor (let’s call her dr. jones) but i didn’t think it would be this bad. this past week i got pulled aside before entering the floor at site rotation and was told that dr. jones couldn’t find my new health documentation. i assured this instructor that i had uploaded it and offered to show this instructor my card. 45 minutes later, dr. jones calls me and tells me to leave the site and pay for another day. i didn’t say much. i just teared up out of frustration and left.
i let it go but as soon as i got home i got an email from dr. jones stating i failed to meet the deadline and that’s why i was sent home. this didn’t sit right with me. the deadline hadn’t even passed at this point. i emailed back pointing out that i hadn’t missed the deadline. i told her that i would get it verified prior to 12:00 and that i didn’t feel it was fair to have to pay for a makeup day. she said it’s not her problem.
next morning i decide to email dr. jones to ensure i’m allowed back. students are supposed to get to the site at 06:30, so i figured an email at 06:00 wouldn’t be too far fetched. didn’t hear anything. i had to ask my instructor to call dr. jones and she immediately answered. later i get an email from dr. jones saying i was unprofessional and inappropriate for emailing her at 06:00. my procrastination didn’t constitute an emergency and i needed to take this opportunity to self-improve. the email was three paragraphs of belittlement.
the next day dr. jones is speaking in front of the class on behavioral issues. this included her talking about me, and that situation. to sum up this speech she said we need to start acting like adults, mentioned multiple raises she gotten (?), said we needed to stop spreading rumors about her (??), and we have an attitude problem and a respect problem. i am humiliated. i feel like i got blown up on for no reason and i don’t like the way she talks to students. am i the inappropriate, unprofessional asshole?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/thl3kb/aita_or_is_this_professor_manipulative/
|
2022-03-19 02:05:23
|
nta
that professor is *extremely* manipulative. i would advise reporting her to whoever her superior is for her unprofessional conduct. that stuff she pulled was uncalled for, op.
|
nta seems like she's a jerk but keep your head down - not pissing off your clinical instructor is 95% of your assignment in nursing school
be very polite to this person from now on
but have a private meeting with the dean of your program and explain your side of things now in case it gets worse
1 professor deciding you aren't "nurse material" can sink you in school
|
nta. report her. she’s the unprofessional one
|
nta but she is and you should take your documentation to whomever her boss is. she's unprofessionals and apparently a scammer. file a formal complaint.
|
nta. it is common amongst doctors ad professors to have ego trips, thinking that their interpretation of rules (no matter how far-fetched) are the rules.
this looks like the case here.
she should not have sent you home without verification of paperwork first. she is not allowed to demand a make up day and for you to pay for it while it was her decisions. emailing someone is not inappropriate (although it may be considered a bit too close to the "deadline" since you started at 6.30. maybe a bit unprofessional, but definitely not inappropriate.)
and finally, speaking to others about what happened with you, especially if she mentioned you by name (did she) is harassement.
the rest shows her ego trip, how she thinks she is better than people less paid (the mention of the raise), and how she poses herself as the victim.
you are nta, and i would be careful about documenting what is happening to you, in case you have to deal with her later and/or you have to deal with the fallout of the "missed" day. she will try to pin it on you, so make sure you document everything, in particular exchanges of emails. asking another dr or professor (that you know and who is not a close friend of that dr) for their opinion and support on the matter may be a good move (do be careful not to antigonize the first dr though).
|
nta. if you already uploaded your documents then use that as proof to remind her that it’s done. cc the dean of your department. you should not have been kicked off the site and should get credit for that day.
this sounds like some of the professors at my school. they were terrible, hadn’t worked at the bedside in decades, incompetent with technology, and were basically a bunch of snapes. the only way they could achieve any sense of self worth was to demean and belittle students.
|
nta!! this reminds me of an instructor i had, and a few students reported them. granted, we also found their social media posting about us, but they did rant like this in front of the class (and on the online class platform). they ended up replaced by a different instructor by the next week. do you think it would be possible to report dr. jones to some higher member of faculty? this sounds like inappropriate behaviour imo
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (20 f) am in nursing school. currently halfway through this semester. i heard horror stories about one professor (let’s call her dr. jones) but i didn’t think it would be this bad. this past week i got pulled aside before entering the floor at site rotation and was told that dr. jones couldn’t find my new health documentation. i assured this instructor that i had uploaded it and offered to show this instructor my card. 45 minutes later, dr. jones calls me and tells me to leave the site and pay for another day. i didn’t say much. i just teared up out of frustration and left. i let it go but as soon as i got home i got an email from dr. jones stating i failed to meet the deadline and that’s why i was sent home. this didn’t sit right with me. the deadline hadn’t even passed at this point. i emailed back pointing out that i hadn’t missed the deadline. i told her that i would get it verified prior to 12:00 and that i didn’t feel it was fair to have to pay for a makeup day. she said it’s not her problem. next morning i decide to email dr. jones to ensure i’m allowed back. students are supposed to get to the site at 06:30, so i figured an email at 06:00 wouldn’t be too far fetched. didn’t hear anything. i had to ask my instructor to call dr. jones and she immediately answered. later i get an email from dr. jones saying i was unprofessional and inappropriate for emailing her at 06:00. my procrastination didn’t constitute an emergency and i needed to take this opportunity to self-improve. the email was three paragraphs of belittlement. the next day dr. jones is speaking in front of the class on behavioral issues. this included her talking about me, and that situation. to sum up this speech she said we need to start acting like adults, mentioned multiple raises she gotten (?), said we needed to stop spreading rumors about her (??), and we have an attitude problem and a respect problem. i am humiliated. i feel like i got blown up on for no reason and i don’t like the way she talks to students. am i the inappropriate, unprofessional asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (20 f) am in nursing school. currently halfway through this semester. i heard horror stories about one professor (let’s call her dr. jones) but i didn’t think it would be this bad. this past week i got pulled aside before entering the floor at site rotation and was told that dr. jones couldn’t find my new health documentation. i assured this instructor that i had uploaded it and offered to show this instructor my card. 45 minutes later, dr. jones calls me and tells me to leave the site and pay for another day. i didn’t say much. i just teared up out of frustration and left. i let it go but as soon as i got home i got an email from dr. jones stating i failed to meet the deadline and that’s why i was sent home. this didn’t sit right with me. the deadline hadn’t even passed at this point. i emailed back pointing out that i hadn’t missed the deadline. i told her that i would get it verified prior to 12:00 and that i didn’t feel it was fair to have to pay for a makeup day. she said it’s not her problem. next morning i decide to email dr. jones to ensure i’m allowed back. students are supposed to get to the site at 06:30, so i figured an email at 06:00 wouldn’t be too far fetched. didn’t hear anything. i had to ask my instructor to call dr. jones and she immediately answered. later i get an email from dr. jones saying i was unprofessional and inappropriate for emailing her at 06:00. my procrastination didn’t constitute an emergency and i needed to take this opportunity to self-improve. the email was three paragraphs of belittlement. the next day dr. jones is speaking in front of the class on behavioral issues. this included her talking about me, and that situation. to sum up this speech she said we need to start acting like adults, mentioned multiple raises she gotten (?), said we needed to stop spreading rumors about her (??), and we have an attitude problem and a respect problem. i am humiliated. i feel like i got blown up on for no reason and i don’t like the way she talks to students. am i the inappropriate, unprofessional asshole? [/INST] nta that professor is *extremely* manipulative. i would advise reporting her to whoever her superior is for her unprofessional conduct. that stuff she pulled was uncalled for, op. </s>
|
AITA For making food I(28M) want instead of food my GF(25F) wants?
|
i do pretty much all the cooking in our place, i am not kidding, i generally make breakfast, lunch(if we are home) and dinner + sometimes dessert. i don't do this because i love cooking(i sometimes enjoy it but seldomly, its a chore.) but because my gf can't cook, the whole she will burn water sort and i don't want to eat takeout all the time.
as a result i tend to cook what i want to eat, of course i don't mind input and will sometimes specifically make something because my gf wants it but mostly since i am the one shopping and cooking i make what i want to make.
this all went well for a while but she has recently gotten more and more pushy about me making more things she wants to eat. my issue is, most of the stuff she wants to eat is bland and boring and is stuff i don't want to eat, especially regularly(mac & cheese, burgers etc). i gave an inch by making her something extra on the side here and there. we ended up having an argument because of it where she demanded i cook stuff she likes and i told her to go ahead and cook herself half the time.
she came to me with a "compromise" yesterday evening and made a calender of days where she gets to decide what we eat and days where i get to decide with me cooking 100% of the time of course.
in my eyes, i do a chore i dislike as is, it's by far the most time consuming chore and it's every day and it seems like the slightest thing that as a result of it that i at least get to decide what i want to cook. so i told her the only compromise in my eyes is her doing 50% of the cooking and she can go wild and make whatever the hell she wants.
she is pissed at me and ignoring me so here we are.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n3c1e7/aita_for_making_food_i28m_want_instead_of_food_my/
|
2021-05-02 18:02:23
|
nta - your gf can go ahead and grow up, when she cooks 50% of the time she is welcome to make food she likes and you can pimp it if you find it too bland or boring. but she does not get to demand that she is being catered to.
|
nta.
you aren't a live-in chef, so don't let yourself be treated like one.
plus, she's 25 ----> that's well old enough to learn how to cook, *and* expand her palate to stuff that isn't junk food.
|
nta... the excuse that your gf can't cook is ridiculous... if she can read, comprehend and follow directions she can cook she just isn't making an effort to do so. i'm with you. if you cook you make what you want. there are step by step recipes on the internet with videos.
|
nta- she’s 25, not being able to cook in the age of the internet is wilful. if other chores are fairly divided you are absolutely within your rights to take a “take it or leave it” approach with the meals you prepare
|
oh, i went through this with a boyfriend many years ago. i don't have a sweet tooth at all, but i do cook. i enjoy cooking savory food, no interest at all in sweet food. he would eat nothing else. and he didn't cook. ever.
if you give in, you'll find yourself being her personal chef. don't go there, i've been there, not fun. time to get her some cooking lessons. it's not as if it's a magical art, all she has to do is follow instructions on a page.
nta
|
nta. you're not a short order cook. she needs to learn some basic cooking.
in my house, i'm a former chef, i make what i feel like eating and everyone else can either enjoy it or there's the pantry, make your own damn food. i do ask for input from my husband, choices we can have a or b, so he does get some input.
|
nta. your gf doesn't get to refuse to cook like it's some immutable part of her personality and then make demands about what you cook. especially since the things she wants mac & cheese and burger are simple enough to make.....even for people who "can't"/refuse to learn to cook.
|
info: since you’re in charge of cooking 100% of the time, is she picking up more chores around the house to offset your need to cook all the time?
|
buy her an instapot. i'm a terrible cook and even i can make amazing meals in that thing. she's 25. if she wants to be picky she can cook. when i make meals my husband understands it may have some aspects he doesn't like. i know when he cooks it'll likely be more bland. we know this, we deal since neither of us likes to cook. granted i'm mexican and don't make him anything super traditional since he really wouldn't like that, but i still get to use flavorful ingredients when i'm putting in the work.
nta
|
nta i'm almost 30 and just now learning to cook. i'm also the type that burns water. i used live on store-bought meals and takeout before i met my partner. when i first moved in with him, he did all the cooking because he knows how and kind of likes to cook. i'm a rather picky eater, so if he made something i didn't like, i'd just pop in a microwave meal. i want to be a good partner, though, so i got some easy recipes to learn how to cook and just ask my partner to sit in the kitchen while i cook. he keeps an eye out so i don't burn down the house.
in my opinion, your girlfriend is treating you like a personal chef.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i do pretty much all the cooking in our place, i am not kidding, i generally make breakfast, lunch(if we are home) and dinner + sometimes dessert. i don't do this because i love cooking(i sometimes enjoy it but seldomly, its a chore.) but because my gf can't cook, the whole she will burn water sort and i don't want to eat takeout all the time. as a result i tend to cook what i want to eat, of course i don't mind input and will sometimes specifically make something because my gf wants it but mostly since i am the one shopping and cooking i make what i want to make. this all went well for a while but she has recently gotten more and more pushy about me making more things she wants to eat. my issue is, most of the stuff she wants to eat is bland and boring and is stuff i don't want to eat, especially regularly(mac & cheese, burgers etc). i gave an inch by making her something extra on the side here and there. we ended up having an argument because of it where she demanded i cook stuff she likes and i told her to go ahead and cook herself half the time. she came to me with a "compromise" yesterday evening and made a calender of days where she gets to decide what we eat and days where i get to decide with me cooking 100% of the time of course. in my eyes, i do a chore i dislike as is, it's by far the most time consuming chore and it's every day and it seems like the slightest thing that as a result of it that i at least get to decide what i want to cook. so i told her the only compromise in my eyes is her doing 50% of the cooking and she can go wild and make whatever the hell she wants. she is pissed at me and ignoring me so here we are.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i do pretty much all the cooking in our place, i am not kidding, i generally make breakfast, lunch(if we are home) and dinner + sometimes dessert. i don't do this because i love cooking(i sometimes enjoy it but seldomly, its a chore.) but because my gf can't cook, the whole she will burn water sort and i don't want to eat takeout all the time. as a result i tend to cook what i want to eat, of course i don't mind input and will sometimes specifically make something because my gf wants it but mostly since i am the one shopping and cooking i make what i want to make. this all went well for a while but she has recently gotten more and more pushy about me making more things she wants to eat. my issue is, most of the stuff she wants to eat is bland and boring and is stuff i don't want to eat, especially regularly(mac & cheese, burgers etc). i gave an inch by making her something extra on the side here and there. we ended up having an argument because of it where she demanded i cook stuff she likes and i told her to go ahead and cook herself half the time. she came to me with a "compromise" yesterday evening and made a calender of days where she gets to decide what we eat and days where i get to decide with me cooking 100% of the time of course. in my eyes, i do a chore i dislike as is, it's by far the most time consuming chore and it's every day and it seems like the slightest thing that as a result of it that i at least get to decide what i want to cook. so i told her the only compromise in my eyes is her doing 50% of the cooking and she can go wild and make whatever the hell she wants. she is pissed at me and ignoring me so here we are. [/INST] nta - your gf can go ahead and grow up, when she cooks 50% of the time she is welcome to make food she likes and you can pimp it if you find it too bland or boring. but she does not get to demand that she is being catered to. </s>
|
AITA for inviting my father's girlfriend to a birthday party?
|
my daughter’s 4 year old birthday party is coming up. i plan to invite all her friends from pre-school as well as some family. my mom died a few years ago but i am still close with my mom’s sister (my aunt) as well as her daughters (my cousins), and my cousins’ daughters (also in pre-school). my dad told me he refuses to go if anyone from my mother’s family is invited because he doesn’t want his girlfriend to have to meet my mother’s family. he says it will “hurt her feelings” and "make her feel uncomfortable” to be around them. he doesn’t want to have to subject his new girlfriend to his dead wife’s family, so he is asking me to disinvite them, or have a separate party for him.
i get that being around my mother’s family is hard for him, and it’s awkward bringing carla into the group. but if she is going to stick around for the long haul, isn’t this something she needs to get used to?
am i the asshole if i don’t respect my dad’s wishes? how do i accommodate everyone?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/psbwyv/aita_for_inviting_my_fathers_girlfriend_to_a/
|
2021-09-21 05:01:24
|
nta - your dad is ta. what he’s asking is completely unreasonable. being in the same room as people from your family is completely reasonable.
|
nta. they're both adults, and if they can't put their discomfort aside for their grandaughter's birthday, they shouldn't go. at the end of the day, it's your kid, and you decide what is best for her.
|
> or have a seperate party for them
your dad is a special kind of entitled
info: is there any drama btween the gf and your moms family or does just not want it?
|
nta.
the mature thing to do is just invite everyone that you want to be there. be open with the guest list. adults will make up there own mind if they want come or not.
don't feed the drama.
|
nta
your mom's family is also your family & your daughter's family.
invite who you want. if your dad chooses not to come, with or without the new girlfriend, that's on him.
don't fall for this "disinvite him" crap, that's just a manipulative way to make it seem like you made a decision to exclude him rather than him deciding not to come to granddaughter's birthday.
|
nta. you are having a family party and invited family. your dad can take issue with who you invite and choose to come or not bring his gf. this isn’t your issue and frankly it’s sad he doesn’t have more compassion for you having lost your mom
|
nta.
“sorry you won’t make it, dad. we’ll miss you. is carla still coming?”
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my daughter’s 4 year old birthday party is coming up. i plan to invite all her friends from pre-school as well as some family. my mom died a few years ago but i am still close with my mom’s sister (my aunt) as well as her daughters (my cousins), and my cousins’ daughters (also in pre-school). my dad told me he refuses to go if anyone from my mother’s family is invited because he doesn’t want his girlfriend to have to meet my mother’s family. he says it will “hurt her feelings” and "make her feel uncomfortable” to be around them. he doesn’t want to have to subject his new girlfriend to his dead wife’s family, so he is asking me to disinvite them, or have a separate party for him. i get that being around my mother’s family is hard for him, and it’s awkward bringing carla into the group. but if she is going to stick around for the long haul, isn’t this something she needs to get used to? am i the asshole if i don’t respect my dad’s wishes? how do i accommodate everyone?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my daughter’s 4 year old birthday party is coming up. i plan to invite all her friends from pre-school as well as some family. my mom died a few years ago but i am still close with my mom’s sister (my aunt) as well as her daughters (my cousins), and my cousins’ daughters (also in pre-school). my dad told me he refuses to go if anyone from my mother’s family is invited because he doesn’t want his girlfriend to have to meet my mother’s family. he says it will “hurt her feelings” and "make her feel uncomfortable” to be around them. he doesn’t want to have to subject his new girlfriend to his dead wife’s family, so he is asking me to disinvite them, or have a separate party for him. i get that being around my mother’s family is hard for him, and it’s awkward bringing carla into the group. but if she is going to stick around for the long haul, isn’t this something she needs to get used to? am i the asshole if i don’t respect my dad’s wishes? how do i accommodate everyone? [/INST] nta - your dad is ta. what he’s asking is completely unreasonable. being in the same room as people from your family is completely reasonable. </s>
|
AITA If I don't want my mom's friend to be invited to parties anymore?
|
during one of my parties, my mom's friend who has 2 children, 1 of which is a boy, along with the rest of the others boys to my room. it's a very small room and there wasn't much to do except stare at each other. i decided to grab a 2inchx2inch quadcopter to entertain some of the younger ones (6-8). i put it back downstairs and after a while we noticed one of the kids went missing and we couldn't find him anywhere. we all found out that he locked the door where i placed the quadcopter and was using it. i was so pissed that i used the master key to the house and told him that he's a weirdo for locking doors in another person's house (not including the bathroom).
aita for not wanting a kid to make my mood sour by not being safe with my things?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mtcbyw/aita_if_i_dont_want_my_moms_friend_to_be_invited/
|
2021-04-18 12:57:15
|
nta it's your birthday party!
|
i mean, how old is the child? if he is 6-8, he may not be used to locks and may not have thought about it. interactions between older people and kids that age almost never turn into the kid being ta. however if the kid is 10-12+, different story.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: during one of my parties, my mom's friend who has 2 children, 1 of which is a boy, along with the rest of the others boys to my room. it's a very small room and there wasn't much to do except stare at each other. i decided to grab a 2inchx2inch quadcopter to entertain some of the younger ones (6-8). i put it back downstairs and after a while we noticed one of the kids went missing and we couldn't find him anywhere. we all found out that he locked the door where i placed the quadcopter and was using it. i was so pissed that i used the master key to the house and told him that he's a weirdo for locking doors in another person's house (not including the bathroom). aita for not wanting a kid to make my mood sour by not being safe with my things?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
during one of my parties, my mom's friend who has 2 children, 1 of which is a boy, along with the rest of the others boys to my room. it's a very small room and there wasn't much to do except stare at each other. i decided to grab a 2inchx2inch quadcopter to entertain some of the younger ones (6-8). i put it back downstairs and after a while we noticed one of the kids went missing and we couldn't find him anywhere. we all found out that he locked the door where i placed the quadcopter and was using it. i was so pissed that i used the master key to the house and told him that he's a weirdo for locking doors in another person's house (not including the bathroom). aita for not wanting a kid to make my mood sour by not being safe with my things? [/INST] nta it's your birthday party! </s>
|
AITA for not letting my bf meet my extended family because he is a boy
|
i(f21) recently started dating my bf(m21). before this i had only ever dated girls. at age 14 i came out as a lesbian to my parents and siblings, mostly because i was dating a girl. since then i have gone between defining myself as different sexual identities as i have grown up and been attracted to other people and genders besides female. when i came out my mother told me she did not think it was a good idea for me to disclose my sexual identity to her parents (my grandparents) because of their deep religious views and open homophobia. at the time i was hurt but i have come to understand her reasoning as it would probably just cause unnecessary drama in the family that could easily be avoided. ever since then i have accepted that i would never introduce my extended family to a so as i assumed i would only be dating females and thus would not bring them to family events. fast forward to now, i’ve met a boy and started dating him (a real surprise for me) and my family likes him. my immediate family is constantly suggesting he comes to family events with my extended family (family dinners, upcoming birthday events, even a wedding) and i refuse pretty much everytime it comes up.
aita for not letting my bf come because i know if he was a girl, he wouldn’t be allowed to come? i feel like it’s a double standard and the idea of him meeting my grandparents bothers me given i know they would not approve of a girlfriend.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d9mw7m/aita_for_not_letting_my_bf_meet_my_extended/
|
2019-09-26 17:31:19
|
yta (and your grandparents)
and only for one reason, you are punishing your boyfriend to get back at your families double standard
|
yta - you went about this backwards. what you should've done is insisted that your previous girlfriends be extended the same invitation as other straight sos in your family, or refused to go yourself instead of give into your family's homophobia. the point here is that you want to take a stand. withholding your bf from these events doesn't really accomplish that. if you want to insist on being accepted, you need to come out to your family and make it clear that your presence is contingent on being able to bring the person you're dating, regardless of their gender.
|
ywbta if you stay together long term and don’t eventually start bringing him around even if your reason is very noble.
your homophobic family are the real aholes though.
|
weak yta. just let him go dude, stop being petty. they're not saying it's a bad idea to take a girl because they're against that they just know that the grandparents might disapprove and that can cause unnecessary rifts and family drama. of course it would ultimately be your decision bc you are who you are but i see no no reason to not let your bf go.
|
info: how does your bf feel about this?
|
nta.
i've decided to interpret this post as "should i cut my grandparents out of my relationships because of their homophobia" - and yes, you definitely should.
|
info: does he want to go to family events with you? if so, i'd say just let him come, it's not hurting anyone.
| null | null | null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null | null | null | 0.237855 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i(f21) recently started dating my bf(m21). before this i had only ever dated girls. at age 14 i came out as a lesbian to my parents and siblings, mostly because i was dating a girl. since then i have gone between defining myself as different sexual identities as i have grown up and been attracted to other people and genders besides female. when i came out my mother told me she did not think it was a good idea for me to disclose my sexual identity to her parents (my grandparents) because of their deep religious views and open homophobia. at the time i was hurt but i have come to understand her reasoning as it would probably just cause unnecessary drama in the family that could easily be avoided. ever since then i have accepted that i would never introduce my extended family to a so as i assumed i would only be dating females and thus would not bring them to family events. fast forward to now, i’ve met a boy and started dating him (a real surprise for me) and my family likes him. my immediate family is constantly suggesting he comes to family events with my extended family (family dinners, upcoming birthday events, even a wedding) and i refuse pretty much everytime it comes up. aita for not letting my bf come because i know if he was a girl, he wouldn’t be allowed to come? i feel like it’s a double standard and the idea of him meeting my grandparents bothers me given i know they would not approve of a girlfriend.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i(f21) recently started dating my bf(m21). before this i had only ever dated girls. at age 14 i came out as a lesbian to my parents and siblings, mostly because i was dating a girl. since then i have gone between defining myself as different sexual identities as i have grown up and been attracted to other people and genders besides female. when i came out my mother told me she did not think it was a good idea for me to disclose my sexual identity to her parents (my grandparents) because of their deep religious views and open homophobia. at the time i was hurt but i have come to understand her reasoning as it would probably just cause unnecessary drama in the family that could easily be avoided. ever since then i have accepted that i would never introduce my extended family to a so as i assumed i would only be dating females and thus would not bring them to family events. fast forward to now, i’ve met a boy and started dating him (a real surprise for me) and my family likes him. my immediate family is constantly suggesting he comes to family events with my extended family (family dinners, upcoming birthday events, even a wedding) and i refuse pretty much everytime it comes up. aita for not letting my bf come because i know if he was a girl, he wouldn’t be allowed to come? i feel like it’s a double standard and the idea of him meeting my grandparents bothers me given i know they would not approve of a girlfriend. [/INST] yta (and your grandparents) and only for one reason, you are punishing your boyfriend to get back at your families double standard </s>
|
AITA for not helping my mother plan her wedding?
|
me (21f) mother (45f)
context: my parents got divorced about 6 months ago, it was a long time coming, they've had problems for \~5yrs now. my mother got engaged to her current partner a few weeks back and they're planning the wedding for the end of the year. she's been seeing him for \~4yrs even while she was still married. i found out early on but for multiple reasons i've never told her i knew. i've never fully blamed her either because honestly, my father's pretty shit. (i know cheating is bad but my father is no angel, it's complicated.) she only told me and my brother (16m) about her current partner about 2 months ago and since then we've met him maybe like 5 times. he seems fine, i don't really have an opinion on him.
current situation: my mother is asking me to pitch in a lot for wedding planning (organising/sending out invites, booking venues, helping her pick out her dress, helping her pick things up if she's busy etc). i told her i'm happy to help out here and there if she's in a pinch but i really don't have the time to be co-planning the whole shebang with her and her fiance. she got a little upset and said she just wanted me to be involved with a big milestone in her life especially since i'm her eldest, her daughter etc, and it would be a good way to get to know her future husband better too.
my pov: i genuinely am busy at work right now, i work fulltime in the arts and it's a packed period, and she's not exactly planning a tiny wedding (it's not a *massive* affair but it's not city hall either, there's the church ceremony and tea ceremony and dinner-banquet, there's going to be lots to organise). also it's not **my** wedding! not to mention i barely know her fiance! shouldn't it be a thing they handle mostly between them?
am i seriously the asshole for not taking on a co-planner role for her wedding?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wb48pj/aita_for_not_helping_my_mother_plan_her_wedding/
|
2022-07-29 13:02:13
|
nta. she should be planning this with her fiancé not daughter. i wouldn’t be surprised after a few weeks of “planning with you” she would end up foisting nearly all wedding planning responsibilities onto you.
|
nta.
zero obligation on your part.
if wants you involved that's great, but being a moh is involved. wedding planning is a job.
|
you are nta
you barely know her fiancé and aren’t excited about the wedding. you don’t have time to run around for her or help in the planning. either one is a valid reason. sounds like a pretty big affair for a 2nd marriage and sounds like a lot of work!
|
nta. if you're busy you're busy, period. your mom should be understanding of that. besides, you *did* offer to help here and there, so it's not like you completely dismissed her (though you have zero obligation to help at all). i also question her argument that it would be a good way to get to know her fiance better, because planning a wedding doesn't seem like the best way to get to know somebody. if she wants you to get to know him, spending quality *casual* time together (like having dinner together) where you can just chat about your lives, interests, etc. would be a far better way for that to happen.
|
nta. it would be nice for you to maybe go dress shopping with her but you don’t need to be booking things on her behalf.
|
nta. you are at a point in your life where you have to focus on the things you are doing now in order to live a comfy and happy life! your mom is 45, has done this before and should know better than to ask her busy daughter to take on such a tiring task as wedding planning. i'm not saying don't help her out here and there, but don't be taken advantage of in this situation.
|
nta
why does anyone think anyone else is responsible for wedding planning outside of the couple. or a professional.
i see more threads dedicated to bridesmaids being asked to help plan aspects of the wedding. no offense just because your standing up doesn't mean your free labor.
no idea why this became a thing. if the couple is that lazy go to city hall or higher a professional
this is some entitlement in the extreme from the mother.
|
nta. it’s not bonding if it’s forced. that’s just binding. and i mean, i know lots of people get divorced and remarried but it’s not like it’s some dream she had as a little girl “one day, my adult daughter and i will plan my second wedding together!!”
i hated planning my own wedding with all the damn micro-decisions. no way do i want to help someone else (other than my own children should they get married). yuck.
and like, from her (untruthful) story she’s getting married to a guy she’s known for a few months and you’ve known even less, doesn’t really sound like a good bonding moment.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me (21f) mother (45f) context: my parents got divorced about 6 months ago, it was a long time coming, they've had problems for \~5yrs now. my mother got engaged to her current partner a few weeks back and they're planning the wedding for the end of the year. she's been seeing him for \~4yrs even while she was still married. i found out early on but for multiple reasons i've never told her i knew. i've never fully blamed her either because honestly, my father's pretty shit. (i know cheating is bad but my father is no angel, it's complicated.) she only told me and my brother (16m) about her current partner about 2 months ago and since then we've met him maybe like 5 times. he seems fine, i don't really have an opinion on him. current situation: my mother is asking me to pitch in a lot for wedding planning (organising/sending out invites, booking venues, helping her pick out her dress, helping her pick things up if she's busy etc). i told her i'm happy to help out here and there if she's in a pinch but i really don't have the time to be co-planning the whole shebang with her and her fiance. she got a little upset and said she just wanted me to be involved with a big milestone in her life especially since i'm her eldest, her daughter etc, and it would be a good way to get to know her future husband better too. my pov: i genuinely am busy at work right now, i work fulltime in the arts and it's a packed period, and she's not exactly planning a tiny wedding (it's not a *massive* affair but it's not city hall either, there's the church ceremony and tea ceremony and dinner-banquet, there's going to be lots to organise). also it's not **my** wedding! not to mention i barely know her fiance! shouldn't it be a thing they handle mostly between them? am i seriously the asshole for not taking on a co-planner role for her wedding?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me (21f) mother (45f) context: my parents got divorced about 6 months ago, it was a long time coming, they've had problems for \~5yrs now. my mother got engaged to her current partner a few weeks back and they're planning the wedding for the end of the year. she's been seeing him for \~4yrs even while she was still married. i found out early on but for multiple reasons i've never told her i knew. i've never fully blamed her either because honestly, my father's pretty shit. (i know cheating is bad but my father is no angel, it's complicated.) she only told me and my brother (16m) about her current partner about 2 months ago and since then we've met him maybe like 5 times. he seems fine, i don't really have an opinion on him. current situation: my mother is asking me to pitch in a lot for wedding planning (organising/sending out invites, booking venues, helping her pick out her dress, helping her pick things up if she's busy etc). i told her i'm happy to help out here and there if she's in a pinch but i really don't have the time to be co-planning the whole shebang with her and her fiance. she got a little upset and said she just wanted me to be involved with a big milestone in her life especially since i'm her eldest, her daughter etc, and it would be a good way to get to know her future husband better too. my pov: i genuinely am busy at work right now, i work fulltime in the arts and it's a packed period, and she's not exactly planning a tiny wedding (it's not a *massive* affair but it's not city hall either, there's the church ceremony and tea ceremony and dinner-banquet, there's going to be lots to organise). also it's not **my** wedding! not to mention i barely know her fiance! shouldn't it be a thing they handle mostly between them? am i seriously the asshole for not taking on a co-planner role for her wedding? [/INST] nta. she should be planning this with her fiancé not daughter. i wouldn’t be surprised after a few weeks of “planning with you” she would end up foisting nearly all wedding planning responsibilities onto you. </s>
|
AITA for not helping my brother?
|
hear me out,
i am 20 years old i am working on getting a job(full time student) but something happened today that had me questioning myself. my brother(18) has always never had the same level of respect that i had for him, for example i dont touch his things without asking, i dont eat some nights to make sure he eats etc. you get the picture. well basically i have become my brothers mother, he does not have his license(graduated) and i had to get on his ass about it for him to finally take online courses! when i was younger than him i did everything on my own so to actually have to tell him felt like he was just a big man child. well anyway i applied for this job and i have been waiting months to get my appointments scheduled for this job( hospital job so its hard communicate with them) and my brother asked me since friday to take him to the dmv to get his license tomorrow which is tuesday , the hospital finally called me today(monday)to let me know that they finally scheduled my appt for tuesday and i was so happy, i am finally getting my shit together! well my brother didn’t take it so well. when i told him the news he went into the living room screaming “fuck man” over and over and i sat there stunned. the moment i have been waiting for was squashed by my brother screaming at me and telling me to just take him to the dmv. keep in mind i have done so much for my brother(taking him to work everyday, picking him up, taking him to wherever he wants to go like friends hangouts etc.) so now im stuck thinking am
i the asshole for finally saying no to what feels like someone taking advantage of me?
update*
i read most of the comments and i thank you guys for putting my mind at ease! i just wanted to state some facts 1. i never agreed on taking him he just assumes as of right now he is acting nice to me softly asking me to take him to the dmv. 2. my parents are in the picture i am just very heavily depended on and i have brought it up multiple times that he does take advantage of me. 3. i have been waiting for this job opportunity for months(since april) and having him react like that made me realize that he does not give two shits about my life and is only focused on his. and 4. although i do not have a job i am still providing him with free rides, using small amount of money i have saved away to gas the car for him (note that i do not leave my house to conserve gas for when i really need it).
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w7qp53/aita_for_not_helping_my_brother/
|
2022-07-25 14:42:16
|
nta.
you’re brother needs to step-up and figure things out for himself. you are enabling his behavior. stop.
|
**nta.** going to a job interview takes precedence over a going to the dmv.
info: are your parents in the picture? can they help?
|
yeah... your brother needs to get over himself. i'm sure he can get his driver's test another day.
nta
|
nta. not your fault tuesday is what works for the hospital and y'all can just go to the dmv on wednesday. bro is definitely taking you for granted. it won't even matter when he gets his license anyway, don't let a near grown man's tempertantrum get you down though. congrats on the interview, now go and crush that shit tomorrow!
|
nta. take him to the dmv the morning of, and leave him there.
|
nta
info: do you not have busses where you live?
|
take that job interview or whatever, he can take his test another day
|
nta.
if you'd constantly been the giver, it might feel confusing and asshole-ish at first when you start putting down boundaries, which was what you did by telling him that you have to go for your interview and you can't take him.
he's old enough now to learn how to be more responsible for himself, and to learn to give you more respect. you'll also need to start placing down more boundaries and learning to respect yourself more for this to happen.
|
nta stop doing everything for him, he can do it himself.
|
nta. your brother sounds too immature to be driving a vehicle. he absolutely was taking advantage of you, don't let him do it again.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hear me out, i am 20 years old i am working on getting a job(full time student) but something happened today that had me questioning myself. my brother(18) has always never had the same level of respect that i had for him, for example i dont touch his things without asking, i dont eat some nights to make sure he eats etc. you get the picture. well basically i have become my brothers mother, he does not have his license(graduated) and i had to get on his ass about it for him to finally take online courses! when i was younger than him i did everything on my own so to actually have to tell him felt like he was just a big man child. well anyway i applied for this job and i have been waiting months to get my appointments scheduled for this job( hospital job so its hard communicate with them) and my brother asked me since friday to take him to the dmv to get his license tomorrow which is tuesday , the hospital finally called me today(monday)to let me know that they finally scheduled my appt for tuesday and i was so happy, i am finally getting my shit together! well my brother didn’t take it so well. when i told him the news he went into the living room screaming “fuck man” over and over and i sat there stunned. the moment i have been waiting for was squashed by my brother screaming at me and telling me to just take him to the dmv. keep in mind i have done so much for my brother(taking him to work everyday, picking him up, taking him to wherever he wants to go like friends hangouts etc.) so now im stuck thinking am i the asshole for finally saying no to what feels like someone taking advantage of me? update* i read most of the comments and i thank you guys for putting my mind at ease! i just wanted to state some facts 1. i never agreed on taking him he just assumes as of right now he is acting nice to me softly asking me to take him to the dmv. 2. my parents are in the picture i am just very heavily depended on and i have brought it up multiple times that he does take advantage of me. 3. i have been waiting for this job opportunity for months(since april) and having him react like that made me realize that he does not give two shits about my life and is only focused on his. and 4. although i do not have a job i am still providing him with free rides, using small amount of money i have saved away to gas the car for him (note that i do not leave my house to conserve gas for when i really need it).
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hear me out, i am 20 years old i am working on getting a job(full time student) but something happened today that had me questioning myself. my brother(18) has always never had the same level of respect that i had for him, for example i dont touch his things without asking, i dont eat some nights to make sure he eats etc. you get the picture. well basically i have become my brothers mother, he does not have his license(graduated) and i had to get on his ass about it for him to finally take online courses! when i was younger than him i did everything on my own so to actually have to tell him felt like he was just a big man child. well anyway i applied for this job and i have been waiting months to get my appointments scheduled for this job( hospital job so its hard communicate with them) and my brother asked me since friday to take him to the dmv to get his license tomorrow which is tuesday , the hospital finally called me today(monday)to let me know that they finally scheduled my appt for tuesday and i was so happy, i am finally getting my shit together! well my brother didn’t take it so well. when i told him the news he went into the living room screaming “fuck man” over and over and i sat there stunned. the moment i have been waiting for was squashed by my brother screaming at me and telling me to just take him to the dmv. keep in mind i have done so much for my brother(taking him to work everyday, picking him up, taking him to wherever he wants to go like friends hangouts etc.) so now im stuck thinking am i the asshole for finally saying no to what feels like someone taking advantage of me? update* i read most of the comments and i thank you guys for putting my mind at ease! i just wanted to state some facts 1. i never agreed on taking him he just assumes as of right now he is acting nice to me softly asking me to take him to the dmv. 2. my parents are in the picture i am just very heavily depended on and i have brought it up multiple times that he does take advantage of me. 3. i have been waiting for this job opportunity for months(since april) and having him react like that made me realize that he does not give two shits about my life and is only focused on his. and 4. although i do not have a job i am still providing him with free rides, using small amount of money i have saved away to gas the car for him (note that i do not leave my house to conserve gas for when i really need it). [/INST] nta. you’re brother needs to step-up and figure things out for himself. you are enabling his behavior. stop. </s>
|
AITA for making plans to spend New Year's Eve with my friends instead of my girlfriend?
|
i will have been with my girlfriend for four years next march. and we have not spent one new year's eve together. she has a family tradition with her parents and siblings. she is the oldest (24) and the only one to be out of the house. we moved in together this july.
she spends the christmas holidays at her family's home. and since we are not married i'm not invited to stay with them. well 2019 was our first one and i went back to my home town to see my family over the holidays. 20/21 were a write off.
so i thought for sure we would get to spend this new year's eve together. we talked about it back in august and she said she was going to see her family over the holidays. i could come since we were living together now but i would have to stay at a hotel.
i said i would just visit my family instead. well one of my friends invited me to go sledding over new year's. so a few of us are going snowmobiling.
we rented an airbnb and we are going to party.
my girlfriend's family are terrible at communicating. her dad made plans to take them to hawaii over christmas break. which is pretty sweet. except for it was a christmas surprise. and my girlfriend has an expired passport.
so they have been trying to get her an expedited passport. i'm not sure they will succeed but i wish them luck.
my girlfriend asked if she could come with me for the holidays. i said she could spend christmas with us but i was leaving after boxing day to go party with my friends.
she is saying that in an asshole for not prioritizing her and leaving her alone over new years. i said that she wasn't planning on seeing me over new years and that i was her second choice. i asked her if she would want to spend new year's with me if her passport came through. she said that wasn't the point.
after i checked with my friends i invited her to come sledding with us. she doesn't like the cold and doesn't want to spend time alone in the airbnb while we are out. plus she would be the only girl there. so she said no.
she is pouting right now and saying that i'm being mean by not cancelling my plans.
honestly this is throwing up some red flags i hadn't seen before.
but with regards to making plans with my friends. am i the asshole?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zu68fc/aita_for_making_plans_to_spend_new_years_eve_with/
|
2022-12-24 09:17:17
|
nta. especially since it isn't clear that she will even be available. she wants you to guarantee cancel just in case of the maybe scenario where her passport does not come through.
|
nta - you are right there are red flags i see from her and her family.
\- neither she nor her family can communicate their plans properly
\- you've been dating for years and live together but you aren't invited to stay in their home? fucking disrespectful. that is not normal, i would breakup over that alone since it shows your gf doesn't have a backbone to her family.
\- she expects you to change up your plans last minute to accommodate her.
\- and you were kind enough to do so and then she said no??? and is annoyed at you??
\- so now the entitled gf wants you to cancel??? once accomodation is already booked no less!
\- her family thinks surprise out of country vacations are okay. i wouldn't want to marry into that. (i assume you are not american, since hawaii is in america and therefore you don't need a passport, just your driver's license)
\- gf let her identification expire. shows lack of organization and preparedness.
|
nta. if you cancel your plans and stay home with her instead and she gets her passport you will be left sitting there with your thumb up your butt. marinara flags from this girl everywhere.
|
nta, she wasn't planning on spending new years with you, so you made plans. now, since she might not be able to go on her trip, she wants to spend new years with you. but, she doesn't want to partake in the plans you made; she wants you to cancel those plans for her. if she really wanted to spend new years with you, she would partake in the plans you made, especially since you went out of your way to make sure your friends were cool with her coming. this isn't about you two spending time together it's about her exhibiting some control over you.
|
nta
you even asked to bring her to a boys only trip. thats cool. shes so selfish. just enjoy your trip.
|
nta
dude wtf, her family is the problem. not you. she's enabling their behaviour and punishing you for not going along with that.
|
let’s get this straight. gf is happy to leave you home alone for christmas and nye because it’s her “family tradition”. however, when you make plans accordingly, and hers fall through, she upset that you don’t change your plans?!
it’s an ah move not to involve you and think it’s ok! if i’m serious about my partner and my family want to exclude them, then i would choose my partner to spend the holidays with, and not ride away in the sunset to celebrate with my family…
it’s hypocritical that now, that the table turned, she’s upset. it’s exactly the same situation what she had no problem with a couple of weeks ago, when you were the one staying alone. now, all of a sudden, it’s all different and unfair?! nta
|
nta.
shes being very childish and unreasonable.
besides, she is the one who organised (quite happily) to be without you.
you took it gracefully and made other plans.
shes the one who stuffed it all up.
go and enjoy yourself. you have nothing to feel bad or guilty about at all.
yes. red flags alright.
what country are you from? canada?
|
nta. it's unfortunate that her plan a didn't work out. but now she's asking you to cancel your plan a because her plan didn't work. no
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i will have been with my girlfriend for four years next march. and we have not spent one new year's eve together. she has a family tradition with her parents and siblings. she is the oldest (24) and the only one to be out of the house. we moved in together this july. she spends the christmas holidays at her family's home. and since we are not married i'm not invited to stay with them. well 2019 was our first one and i went back to my home town to see my family over the holidays. 20/21 were a write off. so i thought for sure we would get to spend this new year's eve together. we talked about it back in august and she said she was going to see her family over the holidays. i could come since we were living together now but i would have to stay at a hotel. i said i would just visit my family instead. well one of my friends invited me to go sledding over new year's. so a few of us are going snowmobiling. we rented an airbnb and we are going to party. my girlfriend's family are terrible at communicating. her dad made plans to take them to hawaii over christmas break. which is pretty sweet. except for it was a christmas surprise. and my girlfriend has an expired passport. so they have been trying to get her an expedited passport. i'm not sure they will succeed but i wish them luck. my girlfriend asked if she could come with me for the holidays. i said she could spend christmas with us but i was leaving after boxing day to go party with my friends. she is saying that in an asshole for not prioritizing her and leaving her alone over new years. i said that she wasn't planning on seeing me over new years and that i was her second choice. i asked her if she would want to spend new year's with me if her passport came through. she said that wasn't the point. after i checked with my friends i invited her to come sledding with us. she doesn't like the cold and doesn't want to spend time alone in the airbnb while we are out. plus she would be the only girl there. so she said no. she is pouting right now and saying that i'm being mean by not cancelling my plans. honestly this is throwing up some red flags i hadn't seen before. but with regards to making plans with my friends. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i will have been with my girlfriend for four years next march. and we have not spent one new year's eve together. she has a family tradition with her parents and siblings. she is the oldest (24) and the only one to be out of the house. we moved in together this july. she spends the christmas holidays at her family's home. and since we are not married i'm not invited to stay with them. well 2019 was our first one and i went back to my home town to see my family over the holidays. 20/21 were a write off. so i thought for sure we would get to spend this new year's eve together. we talked about it back in august and she said she was going to see her family over the holidays. i could come since we were living together now but i would have to stay at a hotel. i said i would just visit my family instead. well one of my friends invited me to go sledding over new year's. so a few of us are going snowmobiling. we rented an airbnb and we are going to party. my girlfriend's family are terrible at communicating. her dad made plans to take them to hawaii over christmas break. which is pretty sweet. except for it was a christmas surprise. and my girlfriend has an expired passport. so they have been trying to get her an expedited passport. i'm not sure they will succeed but i wish them luck. my girlfriend asked if she could come with me for the holidays. i said she could spend christmas with us but i was leaving after boxing day to go party with my friends. she is saying that in an asshole for not prioritizing her and leaving her alone over new years. i said that she wasn't planning on seeing me over new years and that i was her second choice. i asked her if she would want to spend new year's with me if her passport came through. she said that wasn't the point. after i checked with my friends i invited her to come sledding with us. she doesn't like the cold and doesn't want to spend time alone in the airbnb while we are out. plus she would be the only girl there. so she said no. she is pouting right now and saying that i'm being mean by not cancelling my plans. honestly this is throwing up some red flags i hadn't seen before. but with regards to making plans with my friends. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. especially since it isn't clear that she will even be available. she wants you to guarantee cancel just in case of the maybe scenario where her passport does not come through. </s>
|
AITA for telling my step-dad he's not my real dad for refusing to help my injured sister
|
i'm 18. my sister is 16. my parents got a dog a year ago for my littlest sister who was around 8 at the time. they slowly started refusing to care for it and forced it to live in my sister and i's room. she isn't trained, only to use puppy mats and they expect me to care for it and even call it my dog. i've been trying my best to train her but sometimes she just gets really aggressive (probably from being cooped in a room all day) and even rips stuff. i've tried convincing them to give her to someone else who would provide a better home for her, but they refuse because my littlest sister would get sad. today, my sister was trying to get the dog off her bed because she is in heat and doesn't want the blood on it, which resulted in her getting bit hard. she starts crying, i put the dog in a kennel outside and try tending to the blood that is coming from my sister's hand. it was under her fingernail and part of it had even came off?? it was starting to look a bluish-purple color. my aunt even saw it and told us my dad would have to take her to the emergency. my dad refused when she asked him and continued to sit on his ass watching tv while my sister was sobbing in the bathroom. i don't know what to do cause it looks really bad and my dad says she's "overreacting". so. i call my mom who works in the medical field, (she's at a dinner for work but i really was worried), and told her what happened. she tells me what to do and asks why i just didn't tell my dad. i told her that my dad didn't even bother helping. she ends up texting him asking if she should come home and take my sister to the emergency. my dad gets pissed at me and starts yelling at me because my mom is busy and i shouldn't bother her when he's here. i yell back and say that he didn't even do anything to help her and completely ignored it. he calls my mom and says everything is fine and that it's just a little blood, my sister is overreacting and blah blah blah. he then starts talking shit about me saying that i have an attitude and don't know how to listen. i talk back to him, he gets pissed and says that he's my dad and that i should learn some respect for him. he's done even worse things in the past and i'm really fucking pissed so i say "no, you're not my dad." he gets pissed and says he's going to take my phone away and never let me go anywhere ever again. i just know my mom is going to take his side, but i just need to know if i'm the asshole.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qgnnd9/aita_for_telling_my_stepdad_hes_not_my_real_dad/
|
2021-10-27 03:38:27
|
nta, not in any way.
if your sister’s hand was turning purple that’s bad news. dog bites can get infected really easily as well, it’s not a good idea to leave it to fester. you did the right thing by calling your mom when your stepdad wouldn’t listen.
side question; does your stepdad usually behave like this, and does your mom enable it? is there a trusted family member you could contact?
|
nta. your sd is being outright neglectful, if not abusive. call a shelter or rescue tomorrow, tell them how the dog is being treated in general (by the adults) show them pictures of your sister's injury, and tell them to take the dog or it has to go to animal control.
also, if a teacher at school sees your sister's injury and finds out about her lack of care, they should report both of your parents.
your mom is actually the biggest ah in this situation for not protecting you and your sister. i hope you can move out at your earliest opportunity and take your sister soon after.
|
nta call cps and see if he gets the message then. also get the dog out. if no one is gonna train it, then it needs to be somewhere people care about it.
|
nta. god damn, i'm sorry but it sounds like your family sucks.
your stepdad needs to understand that the role of "dad" does not mean you owe him complete submission-- it means *he has responsibilities to care for children*. he doesn't get to be "dad" if he doesn't step the f up.
also-- and i don't say this lightly --you should consider finding a new home for the dog, if you think you can get away with it. poor thing is probably a mess without anyone willing and able to take real responsibility for her, either, and now it sounds like she's going to need an experienced owner to help her.
|
dog bites need professionally cleaned! source: i’m a dog handler and trained first responder easy nta
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i'm 18. my sister is 16. my parents got a dog a year ago for my littlest sister who was around 8 at the time. they slowly started refusing to care for it and forced it to live in my sister and i's room. she isn't trained, only to use puppy mats and they expect me to care for it and even call it my dog. i've been trying my best to train her but sometimes she just gets really aggressive (probably from being cooped in a room all day) and even rips stuff. i've tried convincing them to give her to someone else who would provide a better home for her, but they refuse because my littlest sister would get sad. today, my sister was trying to get the dog off her bed because she is in heat and doesn't want the blood on it, which resulted in her getting bit hard. she starts crying, i put the dog in a kennel outside and try tending to the blood that is coming from my sister's hand. it was under her fingernail and part of it had even came off?? it was starting to look a bluish-purple color. my aunt even saw it and told us my dad would have to take her to the emergency. my dad refused when she asked him and continued to sit on his ass watching tv while my sister was sobbing in the bathroom. i don't know what to do cause it looks really bad and my dad says she's "overreacting". so. i call my mom who works in the medical field, (she's at a dinner for work but i really was worried), and told her what happened. she tells me what to do and asks why i just didn't tell my dad. i told her that my dad didn't even bother helping. she ends up texting him asking if she should come home and take my sister to the emergency. my dad gets pissed at me and starts yelling at me because my mom is busy and i shouldn't bother her when he's here. i yell back and say that he didn't even do anything to help her and completely ignored it. he calls my mom and says everything is fine and that it's just a little blood, my sister is overreacting and blah blah blah. he then starts talking shit about me saying that i have an attitude and don't know how to listen. i talk back to him, he gets pissed and says that he's my dad and that i should learn some respect for him. he's done even worse things in the past and i'm really fucking pissed so i say "no, you're not my dad." he gets pissed and says he's going to take my phone away and never let me go anywhere ever again. i just know my mom is going to take his side, but i just need to know if i'm the asshole.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i'm 18. my sister is 16. my parents got a dog a year ago for my littlest sister who was around 8 at the time. they slowly started refusing to care for it and forced it to live in my sister and i's room. she isn't trained, only to use puppy mats and they expect me to care for it and even call it my dog. i've been trying my best to train her but sometimes she just gets really aggressive (probably from being cooped in a room all day) and even rips stuff. i've tried convincing them to give her to someone else who would provide a better home for her, but they refuse because my littlest sister would get sad. today, my sister was trying to get the dog off her bed because she is in heat and doesn't want the blood on it, which resulted in her getting bit hard. she starts crying, i put the dog in a kennel outside and try tending to the blood that is coming from my sister's hand. it was under her fingernail and part of it had even came off?? it was starting to look a bluish-purple color. my aunt even saw it and told us my dad would have to take her to the emergency. my dad refused when she asked him and continued to sit on his ass watching tv while my sister was sobbing in the bathroom. i don't know what to do cause it looks really bad and my dad says she's "overreacting". so. i call my mom who works in the medical field, (she's at a dinner for work but i really was worried), and told her what happened. she tells me what to do and asks why i just didn't tell my dad. i told her that my dad didn't even bother helping. she ends up texting him asking if she should come home and take my sister to the emergency. my dad gets pissed at me and starts yelling at me because my mom is busy and i shouldn't bother her when he's here. i yell back and say that he didn't even do anything to help her and completely ignored it. he calls my mom and says everything is fine and that it's just a little blood, my sister is overreacting and blah blah blah. he then starts talking shit about me saying that i have an attitude and don't know how to listen. i talk back to him, he gets pissed and says that he's my dad and that i should learn some respect for him. he's done even worse things in the past and i'm really fucking pissed so i say "no, you're not my dad." he gets pissed and says he's going to take my phone away and never let me go anywhere ever again. i just know my mom is going to take his side, but i just need to know if i'm the asshole. [/INST] nta, not in any way. if your sister’s hand was turning purple that’s bad news. dog bites can get infected really easily as well, it’s not a good idea to leave it to fester. you did the right thing by calling your mom when your stepdad wouldn’t listen. side question; does your stepdad usually behave like this, and does your mom enable it? is there a trusted family member you could contact? </s>
|
|
AITA for not getting rid of the clothes my sisters ex friend gave me
|
my sister (18f) had the friend lauren (18f). lauren was going through her old clothes and had like 2 bags of clothes that she either didn’t want anymore or were too small. she doesn’t have a little sister so she gave them to me (15f). the clothes are really cute and comfy and i wear them a lot. her family is really rich and a local of the clothes are things that i couldn’t afford to buy myself.
lauren and my sister started fighting a lot and they’re not friends anymore. my sister saw me wearing clothes that lauren gave me today and she said i need to get rid of them because “i can’t wear anything that used to belong to ‘that b***h’”.
i said no because i really like the clothes but my sister kept saying i need to throw them away and my parents want me to do it to keep the peace so i wanted to know if i’d be the asshole for not donating or throwing away the clothes.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p9iyfi/aita_for_not_getting_rid_of_the_clothes_my/
|
2021-08-22 19:20:18
|
nta. your sister is being silly and immature. i can’t believe your parents are giving in to her.
|
nta. you got free cute clothes, wear them.
|
nta. your sister is being overly dramatic. unless your parents are willing to replace them, they should not ask you to give up the clothes to placate her.
if you throw them awsy the girls will probably just make up anayway.
|
nta
it is clothes, i would possibly not wear them for a little while and let things calm down and emotions settle for delicacy... but ultimately they are just clothes.
if lauren had donated them to a charity store and you had bought them... would she have still flipped out?
clothing is one of the biggest sources of waste on the planet so by using them you are being less wasteful/economic since you cannot afford to buy that quality.
plus... you are probably going to outgrow them before that long anyway! a lot of teens have a sudden 2-3" in height around your age to go... so may yet be a moot point.
|
nta. it's clothes. your sister is upset and i get that; i would be upset at that age too. but she can't control the clothes you wear and it's petty of her to request that you get rid of perfectly good clothes that you like and feel cute in.
|
[deleted]
|
absolutely nta. your sisters hardships which lauren do not involve clothing that was given to you. they’re not lauren’s anymore. they’re yours
|
nta- friendships end even long term. understandably she is upset but in the long run it’s just clothes. i never get rid of clothes people give me, even if they are not apart of my life anymore. i look at them as what they are, clothes.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister (18f) had the friend lauren (18f). lauren was going through her old clothes and had like 2 bags of clothes that she either didn’t want anymore or were too small. she doesn’t have a little sister so she gave them to me (15f). the clothes are really cute and comfy and i wear them a lot. her family is really rich and a local of the clothes are things that i couldn’t afford to buy myself. lauren and my sister started fighting a lot and they’re not friends anymore. my sister saw me wearing clothes that lauren gave me today and she said i need to get rid of them because “i can’t wear anything that used to belong to ‘that b***h’”. i said no because i really like the clothes but my sister kept saying i need to throw them away and my parents want me to do it to keep the peace so i wanted to know if i’d be the asshole for not donating or throwing away the clothes.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister (18f) had the friend lauren (18f). lauren was going through her old clothes and had like 2 bags of clothes that she either didn’t want anymore or were too small. she doesn’t have a little sister so she gave them to me (15f). the clothes are really cute and comfy and i wear them a lot. her family is really rich and a local of the clothes are things that i couldn’t afford to buy myself. lauren and my sister started fighting a lot and they’re not friends anymore. my sister saw me wearing clothes that lauren gave me today and she said i need to get rid of them because “i can’t wear anything that used to belong to ‘that b***h’”. i said no because i really like the clothes but my sister kept saying i need to throw them away and my parents want me to do it to keep the peace so i wanted to know if i’d be the asshole for not donating or throwing away the clothes. [/INST] nta. your sister is being silly and immature. i can’t believe your parents are giving in to her. </s>
|
AITA for inserting myself in my boyfriends and the mother of his sons affairs?
|
so this is a long one. i (30f) have a boyfriend (30m) and we dated in highschool then drifted apart as young ppl do. we started talking to eachother and became friends again while he was still living with his then pregnant fiancé (29f) i was there for him while they were going through a really rough patch. before they broke up she’d show up wherever we were at and confronted me multiple times about our friendship. i assured her nothing was going on and it wasn’t good enough for her. she’s had a vendetta against me since then.
they broke up and i don’t know many details besides her fleeing and hiding for months with the baby after he was born. this was during covid and the custody hearing took a very long time. when he finally saw his son it was at a center where he had to be supervised with his baby. it was really cruel. during the time she cut my boyfriend out, our relationship grew and we moved in with each other. she then randomly started asking for money for the baby. we both told her that if she couldn’t afford to keep the baby full time that we could take the baby, if she had him full time she needed to be financially responsible for him. before this was finalized the mother and me met in person, because she said she wasn’t comfortable with her son being around someone she didn’t know. i thought things were smoothed over, but obviously not.
she has never liked me. she and my bf threw a joint birthday party for their son and i was not invited. she may think i’m petty but the day after the party i served her with papers for my bf to contest child support payments. she opened the door and all i said was i’m sorry and like a child she laughed at me and slammed the door in my face. i feel like all of this resentment has been building up between us both and have tried my hardest to not have any bad blood with her.
so this is where i need to know if i’m an asshole or not. she recently confronted me about some social media posts that one of our mutuals told her about, and believes are aimed at her. i had shared some posts regarding child support and custody things. it basically said that if a parent is keeping their child from another parent and using them as a pawn its abuse. she told me to stop inserting myself in their affairs, whether it’s custody, child support, or her son. she said i don’t know what she’s been through and sound ignorant. i told her i’ll insert myself where i see fit and if she believes my posts are aimed at her that’s on her. this was all over text and she never replied to me after i said this.
i think she’s an asshole for being rude to me, when i’ve done nothing wrong. but idk reddit, you tell me am i the asshole?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qnpeir/aita_for_inserting_myself_in_my_boyfriends_and/
|
2021-11-06 01:11:13
|
yta because their kid is non of your fucking business. also because the circumstances of him breaking up with her and getting together with you sound more than suspicious. she doesn’t want you around her kids birthday, fine, it’s her choice. you getting all angry and petty about it? wtf. and, even if it’s non of your fucking business, your bf does have to pay child support.
|
yta
why are you serving her with papers and not the bf. this is not you problem to force to ahead. your job is to support the bf in his choices.
sounds like you dont know the whole situation either, court ordered supervised visit means something happened. asking for money to support the child isnt crazy and doesnt mean she should give you the child.
you sound petty to me.. sorry op your ta.
|
yta. she is entitled to child support, your bf is required to pay. i say this as a father who pays child support. if there was a custody hearing, than support should have been established. that’s her asking your bf to fulfill his obligation, not a show that “she can’t handle it”.
then after all that, your bf and her still held a joint birthday party?
yes, those are his and her affairs, not yours. you’re not listed anywhere on the birth certificate, you haven’t adopted, so it needs to be your bf and her affairs. you can still support him, be there emotionally, but it needs to be him dealing with her.
|
yta since day one. you comforted him when he was having a rough patch with his pregnant girlfriend? can't imagine why that bothered her. you said if she has custody she shouldn't get child support? that's not how the real world works, both parents pay for upkeep of a child. you went to her house and served papers? that is the biggest asdhole move i have ever seen. she is a single mom and you are a complete ah, and clueless to boot. then you talked about it on fb - you can play games and pretend you weren't referencing her but that's bs. she is in a real adult situation with a child to care for, you act like you are in middle school. your bf picked the wrong horse.
|
[deleted]
|
>i told her i’ll insert myself where i see fit
yta. it's none of your damn business. you don't have any legal say about custody or support or anything. you are messy.
>she said i don’t know what she’s been through and sound ignorant.
i agree. supervised visits? full custody? refusing to pay support? the fact that she ran and hid for months? your bf is bad news and you are enabling it. i hope gf retains custody and that poor kid remains safe.
|
yta. you bf’s ex has multiple good reasons to dislike you:
1. you began an emotional affair with her bf while they were still together and she was pregnant. (you can claim there was nothing going on, but we all know
that’s bs.)
2. you are inappropriately inserting yourself in their child support issues. (support she is legally entitled to as the primary caregiver.)
3. you are inappropriately inserting yourself in their custody issues.
4. you are posting about the issues on social media like a child.
you need to learn some boundaries and recognize your place. if i was your bf’s ex, i would be documenting all of your actions to use in court to prove why my child shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near you.
|
yta. the child is not yours and you have no say over custody or child support. stay out of it.
|
yta
there clearly was something going on between the two of while he was with his pregnant gf whom he lived with. don’t pretend otherwise. you both knew what you were doing and it’s no wonder she was suspicious of what was going on and showed up to where you guys were at. have you ever been pregnant? you are hormonal, your body is changing there is so much going on and now all of a sudden the man you love and are having a child with is getting together with his ex??? come on girl. not cool.
then when she asks for child support for the child he fathered and then left for his ex, she gets put down by the two of you. wow.
if you guys are going to stay together and coparent this child together, do better. don’t make shitty posts that you all know are about her on social media. don’t insert yourself into matter that don’t concern you, you don’t have that right yet girl. and give her some time to suddenly be okay with you in her child’s life.
|
this sounds like complete bullshit.. maybe op can repost when it’s convenient to give the whole story.. im callin bs on this one……op is not giving the whole story…the bf asked new gf to serve bm court papers?nah..
he doesn’t communicate other aspects pf situation but feel comfortable having you confront her?
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so this is a long one. i (30f) have a boyfriend (30m) and we dated in highschool then drifted apart as young ppl do. we started talking to eachother and became friends again while he was still living with his then pregnant fiancé (29f) i was there for him while they were going through a really rough patch. before they broke up she’d show up wherever we were at and confronted me multiple times about our friendship. i assured her nothing was going on and it wasn’t good enough for her. she’s had a vendetta against me since then. they broke up and i don’t know many details besides her fleeing and hiding for months with the baby after he was born. this was during covid and the custody hearing took a very long time. when he finally saw his son it was at a center where he had to be supervised with his baby. it was really cruel. during the time she cut my boyfriend out, our relationship grew and we moved in with each other. she then randomly started asking for money for the baby. we both told her that if she couldn’t afford to keep the baby full time that we could take the baby, if she had him full time she needed to be financially responsible for him. before this was finalized the mother and me met in person, because she said she wasn’t comfortable with her son being around someone she didn’t know. i thought things were smoothed over, but obviously not. she has never liked me. she and my bf threw a joint birthday party for their son and i was not invited. she may think i’m petty but the day after the party i served her with papers for my bf to contest child support payments. she opened the door and all i said was i’m sorry and like a child she laughed at me and slammed the door in my face. i feel like all of this resentment has been building up between us both and have tried my hardest to not have any bad blood with her. so this is where i need to know if i’m an asshole or not. she recently confronted me about some social media posts that one of our mutuals told her about, and believes are aimed at her. i had shared some posts regarding child support and custody things. it basically said that if a parent is keeping their child from another parent and using them as a pawn its abuse. she told me to stop inserting myself in their affairs, whether it’s custody, child support, or her son. she said i don’t know what she’s been through and sound ignorant. i told her i’ll insert myself where i see fit and if she believes my posts are aimed at her that’s on her. this was all over text and she never replied to me after i said this. i think she’s an asshole for being rude to me, when i’ve done nothing wrong. but idk reddit, you tell me am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so this is a long one. i (30f) have a boyfriend (30m) and we dated in highschool then drifted apart as young ppl do. we started talking to eachother and became friends again while he was still living with his then pregnant fiancé (29f) i was there for him while they were going through a really rough patch. before they broke up she’d show up wherever we were at and confronted me multiple times about our friendship. i assured her nothing was going on and it wasn’t good enough for her. she’s had a vendetta against me since then. they broke up and i don’t know many details besides her fleeing and hiding for months with the baby after he was born. this was during covid and the custody hearing took a very long time. when he finally saw his son it was at a center where he had to be supervised with his baby. it was really cruel. during the time she cut my boyfriend out, our relationship grew and we moved in with each other. she then randomly started asking for money for the baby. we both told her that if she couldn’t afford to keep the baby full time that we could take the baby, if she had him full time she needed to be financially responsible for him. before this was finalized the mother and me met in person, because she said she wasn’t comfortable with her son being around someone she didn’t know. i thought things were smoothed over, but obviously not. she has never liked me. she and my bf threw a joint birthday party for their son and i was not invited. she may think i’m petty but the day after the party i served her with papers for my bf to contest child support payments. she opened the door and all i said was i’m sorry and like a child she laughed at me and slammed the door in my face. i feel like all of this resentment has been building up between us both and have tried my hardest to not have any bad blood with her. so this is where i need to know if i’m an asshole or not. she recently confronted me about some social media posts that one of our mutuals told her about, and believes are aimed at her. i had shared some posts regarding child support and custody things. it basically said that if a parent is keeping their child from another parent and using them as a pawn its abuse. she told me to stop inserting myself in their affairs, whether it’s custody, child support, or her son. she said i don’t know what she’s been through and sound ignorant. i told her i’ll insert myself where i see fit and if she believes my posts are aimed at her that’s on her. this was all over text and she never replied to me after i said this. i think she’s an asshole for being rude to me, when i’ve done nothing wrong. but idk reddit, you tell me am i the asshole? [/INST] yta because their kid is non of your fucking business. also because the circumstances of him breaking up with her and getting together with you sound more than suspicious. she doesn’t want you around her kids birthday, fine, it’s her choice. you getting all angry and petty about it? wtf. and, even if it’s non of your fucking business, your bf does have to pay child support. </s>
|
AITA for gloating about getting rid of a university professor?
|
i graduated from uni a while back. it wasn’t ranked that highly for the course i was doing but i was struggling with anxiety and depression at the time and didn’t want to move far. i started pretty hopeful but soon came to find most of the faculty to be incompetent, uncaring arseholes.
this professor, m, was a well-established cunt. she was a department head who spent lessons humiliating her students. the course i was doing had a high number of older students who didn’t speak english as a first language. you could see the resentment and distain seeping out of her whenever one spoke, gave a presentation, or asked a question. it was often said that m was a racist but i personally think she just hated anyone she thought was beneath her.
after a set of examinations in my second year, we were waiting on results to be posted on the utterly shit website the university set up. m was in charge of posting grades and answering emails. two weeks go by and still nothing. i email her to enquire and she replies with a very condescending and unprofessional response; i answer back in kind. she then decides to withhold my graded paper unless i personally come to her office to pick it up.
i was warned by the university counsellor and another teacher that m will try her hardest to break me down and make me cry. i reluctantly visit her office and she sits me down, throws my paper towards me and says *”i don’t know how you do things where you’re from but we don’t act that way here”* (i have olive complexion with a very un-english sounding name but was born in the uk). i stutter and struggle through the whole thing as she ridicules and nitpicks each answer on my paper and says she feels sorry for any potential patients under my care and then tells me to get out.
now, i didn’t cry but i did record the whole thing on my phone and i shared that shit everywhere. i didn’t care about any legal issues or how pathetic i sounded on tape. i went full on petty writing letters of complaint to anyone and everyone, posting the audio file and letting others spread it further.
a few months later, as i’m on my placement, my spineless but kind personal tutor (who i confided in and asked for help) comes to visit me to check how things are going and to inform me of the ‘sad news’ that m has been let go. i burst out laughing and only responded with *”good!”*. he then went on to explain that m’s whole life was dedicated to her work which she was heartbroken to have lost. i didn’t say anything or feel anything towards his statements. i waited for him to finish and then went back to work.
i had an old class reunion online recently and m came up. even though she was unanimously hated, a couple of people said maybe i took it too far ruining her career but i kind of still feel good about it. aita?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ky97ns/aita_for_gloating_about_getting_rid_of_a/
|
2021-01-16 01:45:12
|
nta, m ruined her own career. someone was going to expose her actions eventually. it’s better it was you than someone committing suicide or something violent.
|
nta
while not something i would gloat about, you didn't ruin her career, m ruined her own career. it probably wasn't you alone that complained either, and the chances are she may have received complaints before.
>*"i don’t know how you do things where you’re from but we don’t act that way here”* (i have olive complexion with a very un-english sounding name but was born in the uk)
i disagree, she was definitely racist.
|
nta. i have no idea why universities will accept astronomically-high tuition fees, then tolerate behaviour like that from their staff. the only question is with a reputation like that, why she wasn't fired sooner.
|
nta - you didn’t ruin her career. she was inappropriate and someone finally decided not to put up with it. she ruined her career.
|
nta. she is suffering from the consequences of her actions. you didn't ruin her reputation, you just made it more accurate to the public. also people like her, she'll treat her contemporaries and superiors just fine. god help you if you are "under her". i've had bosses like her, and had dr's like her. she needed to be out of that profession for good
|
nta, but it wouldn’t be something i’d gloat about
|
nta
2 options existed.
1. keeping this behaviour secret and letting her continue doing it.
2. making this behaviour public so that it could be addressed.
it would not be addressed if it was not made public, and you did not lie so this was purely a result of her own actions. do they actually think you should have let her keep on with it?
maybe they just feel bad because they're the ones who allowed her to continue treating themselves and others this way and acknowledging this was wrong means facing something negative in themselves. easier just to turn on you.
|
nta. if your job’s important to you, don’t be a racist bully. also, people rarely get fired for one incident, especially professors. you were likely the very last straw on top of a list of complaints.
|
nta
while it seems pretty petty to gloat about it you didn't ruin her career. she did that on her own. someone with such behavior was eventually going to get called out and it just happened to be you that did it.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i graduated from uni a while back. it wasn’t ranked that highly for the course i was doing but i was struggling with anxiety and depression at the time and didn’t want to move far. i started pretty hopeful but soon came to find most of the faculty to be incompetent, uncaring arseholes. this professor, m, was a well-established cunt. she was a department head who spent lessons humiliating her students. the course i was doing had a high number of older students who didn’t speak english as a first language. you could see the resentment and distain seeping out of her whenever one spoke, gave a presentation, or asked a question. it was often said that m was a racist but i personally think she just hated anyone she thought was beneath her. after a set of examinations in my second year, we were waiting on results to be posted on the utterly shit website the university set up. m was in charge of posting grades and answering emails. two weeks go by and still nothing. i email her to enquire and she replies with a very condescending and unprofessional response; i answer back in kind. she then decides to withhold my graded paper unless i personally come to her office to pick it up. i was warned by the university counsellor and another teacher that m will try her hardest to break me down and make me cry. i reluctantly visit her office and she sits me down, throws my paper towards me and says *”i don’t know how you do things where you’re from but we don’t act that way here”* (i have olive complexion with a very un-english sounding name but was born in the uk). i stutter and struggle through the whole thing as she ridicules and nitpicks each answer on my paper and says she feels sorry for any potential patients under my care and then tells me to get out. now, i didn’t cry but i did record the whole thing on my phone and i shared that shit everywhere. i didn’t care about any legal issues or how pathetic i sounded on tape. i went full on petty writing letters of complaint to anyone and everyone, posting the audio file and letting others spread it further. a few months later, as i’m on my placement, my spineless but kind personal tutor (who i confided in and asked for help) comes to visit me to check how things are going and to inform me of the ‘sad news’ that m has been let go. i burst out laughing and only responded with *”good!”*. he then went on to explain that m’s whole life was dedicated to her work which she was heartbroken to have lost. i didn’t say anything or feel anything towards his statements. i waited for him to finish and then went back to work. i had an old class reunion online recently and m came up. even though she was unanimously hated, a couple of people said maybe i took it too far ruining her career but i kind of still feel good about it. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i graduated from uni a while back. it wasn’t ranked that highly for the course i was doing but i was struggling with anxiety and depression at the time and didn’t want to move far. i started pretty hopeful but soon came to find most of the faculty to be incompetent, uncaring arseholes. this professor, m, was a well-established cunt. she was a department head who spent lessons humiliating her students. the course i was doing had a high number of older students who didn’t speak english as a first language. you could see the resentment and distain seeping out of her whenever one spoke, gave a presentation, or asked a question. it was often said that m was a racist but i personally think she just hated anyone she thought was beneath her. after a set of examinations in my second year, we were waiting on results to be posted on the utterly shit website the university set up. m was in charge of posting grades and answering emails. two weeks go by and still nothing. i email her to enquire and she replies with a very condescending and unprofessional response; i answer back in kind. she then decides to withhold my graded paper unless i personally come to her office to pick it up. i was warned by the university counsellor and another teacher that m will try her hardest to break me down and make me cry. i reluctantly visit her office and she sits me down, throws my paper towards me and says *”i don’t know how you do things where you’re from but we don’t act that way here”* (i have olive complexion with a very un-english sounding name but was born in the uk). i stutter and struggle through the whole thing as she ridicules and nitpicks each answer on my paper and says she feels sorry for any potential patients under my care and then tells me to get out. now, i didn’t cry but i did record the whole thing on my phone and i shared that shit everywhere. i didn’t care about any legal issues or how pathetic i sounded on tape. i went full on petty writing letters of complaint to anyone and everyone, posting the audio file and letting others spread it further. a few months later, as i’m on my placement, my spineless but kind personal tutor (who i confided in and asked for help) comes to visit me to check how things are going and to inform me of the ‘sad news’ that m has been let go. i burst out laughing and only responded with *”good!”*. he then went on to explain that m’s whole life was dedicated to her work which she was heartbroken to have lost. i didn’t say anything or feel anything towards his statements. i waited for him to finish and then went back to work. i had an old class reunion online recently and m came up. even though she was unanimously hated, a couple of people said maybe i took it too far ruining her career but i kind of still feel good about it. aita? [/INST] nta, m ruined her own career. someone was going to expose her actions eventually. it’s better it was you than someone committing suicide or something violent. </s>
|
AITA for firing a nurse from my sons care team?
|
i am a first time parent with a seven week old baby. our son has a problem with his hips so he’s in a brace that he’s not allowed to leave for any reason at home and regularly seeing a specialist. multiple times now i’ve had rude encounters with one nurse there.
i don’t have enough space to get into the details of last encounters that made me weary of this nurse.
we go to our second appointment and he hasn’t made any progress and has actually worsened so the doctor says no coming out of the brace at all. (his first appointment he was allowed one hour a day out)
a few appointments later, woohoo! we see a decent improvement. every appointment up until this the doctor took him out and got him a a new brace. the doctor said he doesn’t need to adjust the brace this time and i ask if it’s alright if i take his top half out to change his dirty shirt (he’s been in the same shirt for two week per doctors orders) and wipe him down. doctor says it’s fine and leaves when his nurse comes in.
i have two wash clothes and get them wet and then take him out of the top half of his harness to remove his shirt. the nurse then starts saying i should take him out “one half at a time”. this is something the doctor has never had us do and his legs will be unsupported the same anyways just making the process slower. i tell her it’s fine and that i’m almost finished anyways. keep in mind this process took less than five minutes which is much less than the 20 or so minutes we’ve spent at every other appointment getting him refitted. she then goes over to my son who is shirtless and starts trying to strap him in the harness. at this point i’m frustrated and taken aback because i’ve told her multiple times now that i’m almost done and now she has her hands on my baby after i’ve told her to leave him alone. i walk over and told her that she needed to leave and we finish our appointment.
frankly after our experience i’d rather not continue to go to this provider but he’s the only specialist in a few hour radius.
i was shaken up afterwards but otherwise we were happy he’s making significant progress.
i get a call his morning from a social worker from the office saying i was reported by that nurse because i seemed “frustrated.”
now i’m questioning whether i’m in the wrong. my husband says this was out of line as the nurse was told repeatedly to stop before being told to leave.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v41ilj/aita_for_firing_a_nurse_from_my_sons_care_team/
|
2022-06-03 15:11:04
|
nta and when the social worker asked if you were frustrated - you should have said yes- by the poor quality of service you receive from that nurse. you can also ask for her not be near your son. before my father passed he was hospitalized a lot. he had great nurses and really bad nurses. i never hesitated to say who i didn't want around him. some people in the medical field do not belong there. always protect yourself and son first. i would tell the provider you are thinking about not coming back because of her. if no one speaks up she will be able to continue her behavior.
|
nta. please write a formal statement to the events. it sounds like she is 'trying to get you' before 'you get her'.
|
nta - but talk to the doctor about it with the nurse there so that everyone is on the same page.
|
nta if you like the doctor, call the office and leave a message for the doctor. when you speak to him tell him under no circumstances is the nurse to have anything to do with the treatment of your child. if he asks why, tell him your experiences and interactions with the nurse have not been positive and you do not want her treating or touching your child in the future. tell him you want it noted in your baby's file to avoid any confusion.
|
nta
she's obviously not a good fit for your son's team
|
counter with your own report.
tell them that you were frustrated by the nurse being rude and ignoring you. she interrupted a process that you were ordered to do by the doctor, asked no questions, dismissed your protests, and proceeded to attempt to force you to accept her orders. then touched your child despite being asked not to.
and tell them you believe she reported you as an act of reprisal for her feeling insulted by you standing up for yourself.
nta
|
the nurse was way out of line. you should absolutely report her behavior to her employer.
nta
|
nta
you need to call and speak to the office manager and request that a different nurse or ma be present in your future appointments. you can also explain this to the social worker. you have the right to request a different nurse. do what is best for you and your precious baby
|
“yes. i did sound frustrated because i am frustrated that nurse ratched continuously failed to listen to me while i was changing my son. the doctor was well aware of what i was doing, and i was within 2 minutes of being done. the nurse repeatedly disregarded what i was told to do by the doctor, and tried to take over the procedure which was fully unnecessary and frustrating. so, yes, i was frustrated - with the nurse.”
nta.
|
nta.
i remember when my son was born and we were leaving the hospital. i was buckling him into his carrier,and had to fiddle with one strap that was twisted. well the nurse who happened to be in the room kept saying i was doing it wrong, despite me explaining the issue to her.
she then proceeded to slap my hand away. from my own baby. it took everything in me not to go total apeshit on her so i just turned and asked “did you really just slap my hand away from my own child?” she knew i was pissed but i left without further confrontation.
lo and behold, a public health nurse shows up at my door hours after we got home with our baby. the ph nurse said she had been recommended to visit due to a “concerned nurse” who felt i was an “at risk mother.”
i asked the ph nurse to leave my house or i would file a complaint right then and there.
i then immediately lodged a complaint with the nurses’s board and the hospital as well. if i recall, she was given a (very short) suspension and sensitivity training.
do not back down. you absolutely did the right thing. way to go, mama.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am a first time parent with a seven week old baby. our son has a problem with his hips so he’s in a brace that he’s not allowed to leave for any reason at home and regularly seeing a specialist. multiple times now i’ve had rude encounters with one nurse there. i don’t have enough space to get into the details of last encounters that made me weary of this nurse. we go to our second appointment and he hasn’t made any progress and has actually worsened so the doctor says no coming out of the brace at all. (his first appointment he was allowed one hour a day out) a few appointments later, woohoo! we see a decent improvement. every appointment up until this the doctor took him out and got him a a new brace. the doctor said he doesn’t need to adjust the brace this time and i ask if it’s alright if i take his top half out to change his dirty shirt (he’s been in the same shirt for two week per doctors orders) and wipe him down. doctor says it’s fine and leaves when his nurse comes in. i have two wash clothes and get them wet and then take him out of the top half of his harness to remove his shirt. the nurse then starts saying i should take him out “one half at a time”. this is something the doctor has never had us do and his legs will be unsupported the same anyways just making the process slower. i tell her it’s fine and that i’m almost finished anyways. keep in mind this process took less than five minutes which is much less than the 20 or so minutes we’ve spent at every other appointment getting him refitted. she then goes over to my son who is shirtless and starts trying to strap him in the harness. at this point i’m frustrated and taken aback because i’ve told her multiple times now that i’m almost done and now she has her hands on my baby after i’ve told her to leave him alone. i walk over and told her that she needed to leave and we finish our appointment. frankly after our experience i’d rather not continue to go to this provider but he’s the only specialist in a few hour radius. i was shaken up afterwards but otherwise we were happy he’s making significant progress. i get a call his morning from a social worker from the office saying i was reported by that nurse because i seemed “frustrated.” now i’m questioning whether i’m in the wrong. my husband says this was out of line as the nurse was told repeatedly to stop before being told to leave.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am a first time parent with a seven week old baby. our son has a problem with his hips so he’s in a brace that he’s not allowed to leave for any reason at home and regularly seeing a specialist. multiple times now i’ve had rude encounters with one nurse there. i don’t have enough space to get into the details of last encounters that made me weary of this nurse. we go to our second appointment and he hasn’t made any progress and has actually worsened so the doctor says no coming out of the brace at all. (his first appointment he was allowed one hour a day out) a few appointments later, woohoo! we see a decent improvement. every appointment up until this the doctor took him out and got him a a new brace. the doctor said he doesn’t need to adjust the brace this time and i ask if it’s alright if i take his top half out to change his dirty shirt (he’s been in the same shirt for two week per doctors orders) and wipe him down. doctor says it’s fine and leaves when his nurse comes in. i have two wash clothes and get them wet and then take him out of the top half of his harness to remove his shirt. the nurse then starts saying i should take him out “one half at a time”. this is something the doctor has never had us do and his legs will be unsupported the same anyways just making the process slower. i tell her it’s fine and that i’m almost finished anyways. keep in mind this process took less than five minutes which is much less than the 20 or so minutes we’ve spent at every other appointment getting him refitted. she then goes over to my son who is shirtless and starts trying to strap him in the harness. at this point i’m frustrated and taken aback because i’ve told her multiple times now that i’m almost done and now she has her hands on my baby after i’ve told her to leave him alone. i walk over and told her that she needed to leave and we finish our appointment. frankly after our experience i’d rather not continue to go to this provider but he’s the only specialist in a few hour radius. i was shaken up afterwards but otherwise we were happy he’s making significant progress. i get a call his morning from a social worker from the office saying i was reported by that nurse because i seemed “frustrated.” now i’m questioning whether i’m in the wrong. my husband says this was out of line as the nurse was told repeatedly to stop before being told to leave. [/INST] nta and when the social worker asked if you were frustrated - you should have said yes- by the poor quality of service you receive from that nurse. you can also ask for her not be near your son. before my father passed he was hospitalized a lot. he had great nurses and really bad nurses. i never hesitated to say who i didn't want around him. some people in the medical field do not belong there. always protect yourself and son first. i would tell the provider you are thinking about not coming back because of her. if no one speaks up she will be able to continue her behavior. </s>
|
AITA For Leaving the Room When my Husband Plays Guitar
|
for context, he (23m) isn’t playing for me (23f) specifically, just playing because it’s his hobby. a few hours a day and it’s not generally popular music, usually songs from games or films and 9 times out of 10 they are what i would call ‘cowboy themed’. he also does the singing in the appropriate accent for the song (we are english).
we live in a very small flat, our kitchen and living room are one and the only other rooms are the loo and bedroom. he plays in the living room and when he starts i tend to get up and go and sit in the bedroom. the reason for this is because it’s not really the type of music that i like, and he does it loud. it’s very overpowering to be in the same room as.
he’s recently mentioned that he thinks it’s rude for me to leave and that i should stay and listen. i thought this was a bit uncalled for, especially considering i don’t even put the tv volume above 15 if it’s something only i’m watching and he’s in the room, and i’ve also watched a video on my phone with sound out loud (not through headphones) precisely once during the time we’ve lived together while we’ve been in the same room, and he asked me to mute it within 30 seconds of it being on because ‘the woman’s voice is annoying’ which i did immediately. i generally make an effort to not be overly loud when doing anything with others present as i was raised that this is rude.
i don’t think i’ve done anything wrong, but i think i need another perspective on this! thanks 😊
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g1w53h/aita_for_leaving_the_room_when_my_husband_plays/
|
2020-04-15 17:11:12
|
nta. i'm a musician too. sometimes we play the same song like 50x in a row to get it down. your boyfriend expecting you to sit and listen to him play is not only selfish, but leaning towards narcissistic.
|
nta. he's practicing / doing his hobby, not putting on a performance for you. and i'd imagine it's a lot of the same songs every day (hence, practicing).
unless you're learning to jam on another instrument with him, your leaving the room makes sense. you'll still have plenty of time to watch him play.
*source: was married to a musician*
|
nta
seriously though, you married the annoying guy at parties who whips out the acoustic guitar?
that's on you.
|
[deleted]
|
nta - my wife does exactly the same, or i generally go in a different room to practice, because it is loud, and it might not be what she wants to hear. there's double standards going on here.
|
nta
you're not obliged to be his adoring audience.
|
nta. you live in a very small space, and you're not obligated to feed his ego every time he feels like it, even if you liked his musical taste.
you bring up some very good points, especially about the level of the noise, that you could bring up with him about it.
|
nta, that is a wildly unreasonable expectation he has - that you'll hang out and listen to him play like that. particularly given his unwillingness to tolerate even moderate sound from things you're listening to. it would be one thing if he came to you with a new riff, or song he just learned as a one-off, but to expect you to play adoring audience regardless of whether you like his style of music, or have other things you want to do?
|
nta.
my husband plays guitar, and he's good at it. you know why he's good at it? because he'll play the same fucking riffs 50 times a day every day for weeks on end.
all of this is to say, there's no hard feelings when i put some headphones on. he gets it. :)
your boyfriend should get it, too.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: for context, he (23m) isn’t playing for me (23f) specifically, just playing because it’s his hobby. a few hours a day and it’s not generally popular music, usually songs from games or films and 9 times out of 10 they are what i would call ‘cowboy themed’. he also does the singing in the appropriate accent for the song (we are english). we live in a very small flat, our kitchen and living room are one and the only other rooms are the loo and bedroom. he plays in the living room and when he starts i tend to get up and go and sit in the bedroom. the reason for this is because it’s not really the type of music that i like, and he does it loud. it’s very overpowering to be in the same room as. he’s recently mentioned that he thinks it’s rude for me to leave and that i should stay and listen. i thought this was a bit uncalled for, especially considering i don’t even put the tv volume above 15 if it’s something only i’m watching and he’s in the room, and i’ve also watched a video on my phone with sound out loud (not through headphones) precisely once during the time we’ve lived together while we’ve been in the same room, and he asked me to mute it within 30 seconds of it being on because ‘the woman’s voice is annoying’ which i did immediately. i generally make an effort to not be overly loud when doing anything with others present as i was raised that this is rude. i don’t think i’ve done anything wrong, but i think i need another perspective on this! thanks 😊
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
for context, he (23m) isn’t playing for me (23f) specifically, just playing because it’s his hobby. a few hours a day and it’s not generally popular music, usually songs from games or films and 9 times out of 10 they are what i would call ‘cowboy themed’. he also does the singing in the appropriate accent for the song (we are english). we live in a very small flat, our kitchen and living room are one and the only other rooms are the loo and bedroom. he plays in the living room and when he starts i tend to get up and go and sit in the bedroom. the reason for this is because it’s not really the type of music that i like, and he does it loud. it’s very overpowering to be in the same room as. he’s recently mentioned that he thinks it’s rude for me to leave and that i should stay and listen. i thought this was a bit uncalled for, especially considering i don’t even put the tv volume above 15 if it’s something only i’m watching and he’s in the room, and i’ve also watched a video on my phone with sound out loud (not through headphones) precisely once during the time we’ve lived together while we’ve been in the same room, and he asked me to mute it within 30 seconds of it being on because ‘the woman’s voice is annoying’ which i did immediately. i generally make an effort to not be overly loud when doing anything with others present as i was raised that this is rude. i don’t think i’ve done anything wrong, but i think i need another perspective on this! thanks 😊 [/INST] nta. i'm a musician too. sometimes we play the same song like 50x in a row to get it down. your boyfriend expecting you to sit and listen to him play is not only selfish, but leaning towards narcissistic. </s>
|
WIBTA for selling a ridiculously expensive coat I was given as a gift?
|
so basically it was my birthday recently and i was celebrating at home with my family. my aunt and uncle (who are very wealthy) were round my house and they gave me a canada goose coat that cost like £600. i am in desperate need of a new coat and this is obviously a really nice one but honestly i cannot think of a bigger waste of money. i'm not very into fashion at all and to be the honest the very idea of walking around wearing something so expensive is making me a bit nervous. i really want to sell it and use the money to buy a normal priced coat and then save the rest. however i can't tell if this is an asshole move or not.
so wibta if i did this?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fdbqxw/wibta_for_selling_a_ridiculously_expensive_coat_i/
|
2020-03-04 11:37:08
|
yta, i’m afraid. i’m very sympathetic to your situation, but gifts aren’t a monetary transaction. your aunt and uncle knew you needed a coat, so they bought you a really lovely coat. selling it would be rejecting the gift they thoughtfully selected for you (presumably in exchange for significantly less money than they bought it for). it’s also liable to cause awkward situations in the future when they ask why you aren’t wearing your canada goose jacket rather than the much cheaper jacket you have on.
for future birthdays, you can always say that your budget is tight and you’d like cash as a gift. this time round, though, you’re stuck with the jacket.
|
yta because you could keep that coat and unless you put it through a shredder or set it on fire, it will last you for decades.
|
ywbta, although i understand where you're coming from. such a nice, high-quality coat may last you a long time and may keep you warmer than a cheaply made one. it's rude to look a gift horse in the mouth. your aunt and uncle were in the position to give you such a luxurious gift and they obviously love you, so there's no need to feel guilty about the price tag. if you like the coat, keep it. it'll be worth it.
|
yta
trust me, the canada goose coat will keep you warm longer than any h&m or other cheap brand could. it will last for ages.
|
info: why does it make you nervous? plenty of people have a canada goose coat, and it's not as if you spent the money on it yourself.
|
yta. those coats are for durability and warmth, not fashion. keep it in your closet for when you need it. but yeah, selling it and pocketing the cash is a dick move. they spent $600 to keep your ass warm.
|
yta. it's rude to return gifts for the money.
|
info - what do you consider a normal priced coat? having a canada goose coat myself i will say they are very durable, will last for years and if anything breaks they will mend/replace for free for at least 5 years (how long i’ve had mine)
|
yta
|
ywbta in my opinion. while you may not be into fashion, they did take the time, thought, and money to get you a very nice coat when they knew you were in need of one. reselling or giving away gifts is something i was always taught was rude, though, so that may just be me.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so basically it was my birthday recently and i was celebrating at home with my family. my aunt and uncle (who are very wealthy) were round my house and they gave me a canada goose coat that cost like £600. i am in desperate need of a new coat and this is obviously a really nice one but honestly i cannot think of a bigger waste of money. i'm not very into fashion at all and to be the honest the very idea of walking around wearing something so expensive is making me a bit nervous. i really want to sell it and use the money to buy a normal priced coat and then save the rest. however i can't tell if this is an asshole move or not. so wibta if i did this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so basically it was my birthday recently and i was celebrating at home with my family. my aunt and uncle (who are very wealthy) were round my house and they gave me a canada goose coat that cost like £600. i am in desperate need of a new coat and this is obviously a really nice one but honestly i cannot think of a bigger waste of money. i'm not very into fashion at all and to be the honest the very idea of walking around wearing something so expensive is making me a bit nervous. i really want to sell it and use the money to buy a normal priced coat and then save the rest. however i can't tell if this is an asshole move or not. so wibta if i did this? [/INST] yta, i’m afraid. i’m very sympathetic to your situation, but gifts aren’t a monetary transaction. your aunt and uncle knew you needed a coat, so they bought you a really lovely coat. selling it would be rejecting the gift they thoughtfully selected for you (presumably in exchange for significantly less money than they bought it for). it’s also liable to cause awkward situations in the future when they ask why you aren’t wearing your canada goose jacket rather than the much cheaper jacket you have on. for future birthdays, you can always say that your budget is tight and you’d like cash as a gift. this time round, though, you’re stuck with the jacket. </s>
|
AITA for leaving my SO at home when he was making me late
|
throwaway because my so reads this subreddit.
a couple weeks ago myself, my so, and some of his siblings and cousins made plans for a local christmas/holiday market event. despite telling everyone to be ready early, we did not make it in time and we got there just when the doors closed for general public and became open only for advance ticket holders. we ended up making different plans that day.
my sister also wanted to go to this holiday market with me for weeks but i had not gone out with her as both of us couldn't coordinate a time.
so i made a plan with her and invited my so and his cousins. so and i would pick up my sister and cousin, his side of the family would bring their own car.
now to avoid what happened last time i made repeated attempts to tell everyone to leave earlier. (yes we missed out on tickets again as they got sold out quick). we had to be there before 3:30. which means planning out that 30 min drive.
15 mins before i left. my sil and cousins werent dressed - "its tuesday after christmas it won't be busy". i reminded them that the late night tickets were sold out and people would be clamoring for the general admission in the early evening.
then 10 or so minutes before i left, my so said he didn't want to go. said it was all girls and we can make it a girls thing. i convinced him to come but didn't push him. i said okay and continued to prep and leave.
5 minutes before i left, he changed his mind. he wanted to come. he was in the shower when he told me. so he dried off changed which tbf didn't take more than 4-5 minutes. he asked me to wait and help him decide his clothes.
i waited, went downstairs to take my car out of the garage and warm it.
i needed gas so i came back in and told him to hurry. asked my husband to grab my grey jacket. because he hadn't worn his boots yet. i didn't want my dirty boots upstairs.he brought out a brown jacket. not to mention he was annoyed that he was"calling out to me" and i didn't respond because i was taking my car out.
frustrated, i told him, "i think it's really unfair i made a plan with my sister and it's getting ruined." he responded along the lines of "why are you talking like this"
i told him i didn't have time. and told him to come with his sisters because they were running late too.
and i stormed out and drove off. we didn't talk all day. he ended up not coming with his sisters. **and the girls were late to the holiday market so they ended up going somewhere else.** i got in because i left early, put in gas, pick up my family, managed to find parking, stand in line, all in time.
he has not spoken properly to me since last night for leaving him. aita for storming off?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rrb8w1/aita_for_leaving_my_so_at_home_when_he_was_making/
|
2021-12-29 15:52:44
|
nta- if someone tells you to be ready to leave by x time thats what you do. soon as he said he wasn't going id have left him with that decision.
|
nta.
your so was purposely sabotaging the outing. as the saying goes, "fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me."
|
nta. maybe it's just me, but being late is super rude and i would have done what you did.
|
nta, he choices led to him being late. you told him what time you had to leave by. he wasn't ready.
i've had similar situations. my husband wasn't ready, kids and i left. he was livid for not waiting. i reminded him of how many times i'd told him to be ready and he chose not to.
next time i had plans and needed to be somewhere, he was dressed, ready, and buckling our kids in before i made it out of the house with my purse.
set reasonable expectations. follow through. we teach the people around us how to treat us.
|
my hubby used to always do this to me.. i would just drive off without him... he got the message and stopped it after a few times of me driving off
|
nta. you made it very clear that you were excited about going and that it was important to you, so you planned ahead and he changed everything last minute. it's fine for him to change his mind but that shouldn't mean you risk missing out. a simple "sorry i'm making you late, how about i'll meet you there" from him would have solved everything. if you weren't so clear about planning ahead and how it went wrong last time, and didn't stress that you were excited about it it would be different, but you did and him trying to change your plans and make it about being on *his* time was inconsiderate. i hope you enjoyed your event! nta :)
|
nta. i’ve done this with my husband - he notoriously forgets a thousand things as he’s heading out the door, and doesn’t start getting ready until we are already supposed to be out the door. i finally started telling him “i am leaving at x time, whether you are in the car with me or not.” someone else doesn’t get to ruin your plans or make you late because they can’t be responsible.
|
nta. your husband sounds like he's subconsciously sabotaging the situation, maybe because he really doesn't want to go, or maybe as a test to see if you will sacrifice your desires to him.
you did the perfect thing to start setting expectations for the future. if he knows you'll leave his ass behind rather then be late and miss out he knows he be can't play that game any more. don't be surprised if he spins it to make the narrative that you suck however.
|
absolutely nta. people who habitually do this don’t care about or respect other people’s time. it’s selfish, self-centered, and childish. let him know how completely disrespectful it is. hell, show him this thread.
every thanksgiving i go to vegas to visit my aunt, uncle and cousins. if we include my mom, sis, bil and niece, a couple of family friends and cousins’ sos and kids there are often upwards of 15 of us. we all do activities that weekend and have no issues coordinating and making it on time. you husband and his family are just selfish assholes.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway because my so reads this subreddit. a couple weeks ago myself, my so, and some of his siblings and cousins made plans for a local christmas/holiday market event. despite telling everyone to be ready early, we did not make it in time and we got there just when the doors closed for general public and became open only for advance ticket holders. we ended up making different plans that day. my sister also wanted to go to this holiday market with me for weeks but i had not gone out with her as both of us couldn't coordinate a time. so i made a plan with her and invited my so and his cousins. so and i would pick up my sister and cousin, his side of the family would bring their own car. now to avoid what happened last time i made repeated attempts to tell everyone to leave earlier. (yes we missed out on tickets again as they got sold out quick). we had to be there before 3:30. which means planning out that 30 min drive. 15 mins before i left. my sil and cousins werent dressed - "its tuesday after christmas it won't be busy". i reminded them that the late night tickets were sold out and people would be clamoring for the general admission in the early evening. then 10 or so minutes before i left, my so said he didn't want to go. said it was all girls and we can make it a girls thing. i convinced him to come but didn't push him. i said okay and continued to prep and leave. 5 minutes before i left, he changed his mind. he wanted to come. he was in the shower when he told me. so he dried off changed which tbf didn't take more than 4-5 minutes. he asked me to wait and help him decide his clothes. i waited, went downstairs to take my car out of the garage and warm it. i needed gas so i came back in and told him to hurry. asked my husband to grab my grey jacket. because he hadn't worn his boots yet. i didn't want my dirty boots upstairs.he brought out a brown jacket. not to mention he was annoyed that he was"calling out to me" and i didn't respond because i was taking my car out. frustrated, i told him, "i think it's really unfair i made a plan with my sister and it's getting ruined." he responded along the lines of "why are you talking like this" i told him i didn't have time. and told him to come with his sisters because they were running late too. and i stormed out and drove off. we didn't talk all day. he ended up not coming with his sisters. **and the girls were late to the holiday market so they ended up going somewhere else.** i got in because i left early, put in gas, pick up my family, managed to find parking, stand in line, all in time. he has not spoken properly to me since last night for leaving him. aita for storming off?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because my so reads this subreddit. a couple weeks ago myself, my so, and some of his siblings and cousins made plans for a local christmas/holiday market event. despite telling everyone to be ready early, we did not make it in time and we got there just when the doors closed for general public and became open only for advance ticket holders. we ended up making different plans that day. my sister also wanted to go to this holiday market with me for weeks but i had not gone out with her as both of us couldn't coordinate a time. so i made a plan with her and invited my so and his cousins. so and i would pick up my sister and cousin, his side of the family would bring their own car. now to avoid what happened last time i made repeated attempts to tell everyone to leave earlier. (yes we missed out on tickets again as they got sold out quick). we had to be there before 3:30. which means planning out that 30 min drive. 15 mins before i left. my sil and cousins werent dressed - "its tuesday after christmas it won't be busy". i reminded them that the late night tickets were sold out and people would be clamoring for the general admission in the early evening. then 10 or so minutes before i left, my so said he didn't want to go. said it was all girls and we can make it a girls thing. i convinced him to come but didn't push him. i said okay and continued to prep and leave. 5 minutes before i left, he changed his mind. he wanted to come. he was in the shower when he told me. so he dried off changed which tbf didn't take more than 4-5 minutes. he asked me to wait and help him decide his clothes. i waited, went downstairs to take my car out of the garage and warm it. i needed gas so i came back in and told him to hurry. asked my husband to grab my grey jacket. because he hadn't worn his boots yet. i didn't want my dirty boots upstairs.he brought out a brown jacket. not to mention he was annoyed that he was"calling out to me" and i didn't respond because i was taking my car out. frustrated, i told him, "i think it's really unfair i made a plan with my sister and it's getting ruined." he responded along the lines of "why are you talking like this" i told him i didn't have time. and told him to come with his sisters because they were running late too. and i stormed out and drove off. we didn't talk all day. he ended up not coming with his sisters. **and the girls were late to the holiday market so they ended up going somewhere else.** i got in because i left early, put in gas, pick up my family, managed to find parking, stand in line, all in time. he has not spoken properly to me since last night for leaving him. aita for storming off? [/INST] nta- if someone tells you to be ready to leave by x time thats what you do. soon as he said he wasn't going id have left him with that decision. </s>
|
AITA for not snitching on the "sexist hecklers"
|
we had a motivational speaker come to our school and she was alright, nobody really made fun of her or disrespected her until one moment where she says anything a a boy can do a girl can do to. somebody sitting next to me said "except peeing while standing up"
everyone erupted into laughter and the speaker laughed a bit and said "ok maybe there's one thing we can't do, but hey we got cleaner bathrooms because of it"
well the principal didn't find it so funny and he pulled out 20 people in the area around me. he was demanding one of us snitched. i don't know how many other people there knew who did it, but none of us snitched. he was getting pissed and yelled at us for like 20 minutes saying we're all bad studnets and we have an obligation to come forward. he asked us all individually who did it, and same thing nobody snitched.
when i talked to him he said he knew i was lying and he demanded to know who did it. i'm a girl, and it was clearly a boy's voice so he doesn't think it was me but he says i lied when i said i know nothing.
he was so upset about it. he sent emails to all of our parents basically explaining how horrible this was. so yeah, what do you guys think?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pwguap/aita_for_not_snitching_on_the_sexist_hecklers/
|
2021-09-27 13:16:18
|
nta the speaker wasn't upset or offended. your principal sounds like a huge a-hole tho.
|
… but women can pee while standing up?
|
nta. you did nothing wrong and you're under no obligation to drop anyone else in it. you were there to listen to a talk, not listen out for hecklers so you can write down their names.
it's rude to heckle a speaker. but it's also a standard part of any high school talk because that's what high school kids do. it sounds like the speaker handled it quite well, took it in stride, probably earned the attention and respect of the audience for a minute or two. so it's really not that big a deal, imo.
it sounds like maybe the subject of the comment rubbed the principal the wrong way for some reason. it's definitely pretty juvenile, but...so what. it's an overreaction to be sending letters home for something like that. absolute silliness.
anyway, you're not obligated to tattle on people for something like that.
|
nta
in this case, the principal is overreacting and going about it all wrong.
btw, women can pee standing up. there are devices to assist, but you can also do it without.
|
nah. while snitching/tattling over minor stuff like this is generally frowned upon, it *was* disrespectful to disrupt a speaker in their middle of their talk like that. "punishing the whole group until someone comes forward" is a fairly typical response to something like this.
|
nta imo collective punishment at school to encourage students to turn on each other us sketchy at best. if they know it wasn't you you shouldn't be punished based on proximity to the incident
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we had a motivational speaker come to our school and she was alright, nobody really made fun of her or disrespected her until one moment where she says anything a a boy can do a girl can do to. somebody sitting next to me said "except peeing while standing up" everyone erupted into laughter and the speaker laughed a bit and said "ok maybe there's one thing we can't do, but hey we got cleaner bathrooms because of it" well the principal didn't find it so funny and he pulled out 20 people in the area around me. he was demanding one of us snitched. i don't know how many other people there knew who did it, but none of us snitched. he was getting pissed and yelled at us for like 20 minutes saying we're all bad studnets and we have an obligation to come forward. he asked us all individually who did it, and same thing nobody snitched. when i talked to him he said he knew i was lying and he demanded to know who did it. i'm a girl, and it was clearly a boy's voice so he doesn't think it was me but he says i lied when i said i know nothing. he was so upset about it. he sent emails to all of our parents basically explaining how horrible this was. so yeah, what do you guys think?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we had a motivational speaker come to our school and she was alright, nobody really made fun of her or disrespected her until one moment where she says anything a a boy can do a girl can do to. somebody sitting next to me said "except peeing while standing up" everyone erupted into laughter and the speaker laughed a bit and said "ok maybe there's one thing we can't do, but hey we got cleaner bathrooms because of it" well the principal didn't find it so funny and he pulled out 20 people in the area around me. he was demanding one of us snitched. i don't know how many other people there knew who did it, but none of us snitched. he was getting pissed and yelled at us for like 20 minutes saying we're all bad studnets and we have an obligation to come forward. he asked us all individually who did it, and same thing nobody snitched. when i talked to him he said he knew i was lying and he demanded to know who did it. i'm a girl, and it was clearly a boy's voice so he doesn't think it was me but he says i lied when i said i know nothing. he was so upset about it. he sent emails to all of our parents basically explaining how horrible this was. so yeah, what do you guys think? [/INST] nta the speaker wasn't upset or offended. your principal sounds like a huge a-hole tho. </s>
|
AITA for standing up for my cousin (15F) in church during a religious service?
|
so my cousin cindy(f) just turned 15 and my uncle jj wanted to have a religious service for her in the catholic church on an out of town trip. cindy lives with her mom and she told him she didn’t want to because her mom wouldn’t be there. (cindy’s mom couldn’t go bc of work.) he said okay and we thought that was that. well the day of the service she was just supposed to get a blessing by the priest instead of doing her first communion. but he talked to the priest and told him to do the service anyways. while we were in church we figured out that he was trying to do that and cindy told him no again. he got mad and told her to stop being dramatic and just do it. my aunt then joined and they both started pressuring her. i (22f) got up and told them to stop and listen to what she’s telling them. jj told me to sit down and mind my business and then told cindy that i’m influencing her not to do it. she told him again that it was her decision and she didn’t want to do it without her mom but he kept yelling and she started crying. my mom also told them that if they loved cindy like they were claiming, then they should ask and listen to what she wants and respect that. jj told my mom to be quiet and that cindy isn’t her daughter so it doesn’t concern her. cindy even got up & told the priest she didn’t want to do it and he said okay and he would honor that. well long story short he didn’t. they proceeded with the service and my cousin was crying and very upset. after, my cousin thanked my mom and i for sticking up for her. now, my family is blowing up my dad saying my mom and i were disrespectful in the house of god. i don’t think we were; we were supporting my cousin in her decision. many family members are saying we were disrespectful and aren’t talking to us. so aita?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zvjt1b/aita_for_standing_up_for_my_cousin_15f_in_church/
|
2022-12-26 09:43:20
|
nta at all! i don’t get how the priest could even go through with it without her consent?
|
nta
so your divorced uncle (i’m guessing) wanted a religious service for his daughter when clearly he’s on his second wife?……seems a little hypocritical to me for what he’s preaching
but even worse it’s clear he doesn’t respect his daughter and her views…..thankyou for letting her know she has at least 2 people she can trust
that priest who told her he wouldn’t proceed and then did should be ashamed of himself and clearly thinks its ok to lie in his own church
the rest of the family needs to mind their own business because i guarantee in years to come they’ll wonder why she doesn’t speak to them anymore
keep advocating for your cousin and know you are doing the right thing
|
please report this incident to the bishop over that diocese. nta, but please follow up with the complaint to someone who has the authority to mete out disciplinary action.
|
nta
woooooah!!! you know who’s the biggest ah here for me? the priest.
i’m a lapsed catholic but i know enough that the person taking holy communion should willingly do so. the fact the priest did not honour her wishes is insane. why was everyone so adamant she had to do it right then and there??? it can wait! this is crazy.
|
nta i thought this was a baptism at first but since you mentioned communion, i’m assuming that this was a first holy communion? this is usually done after months of preparation and the recipient is asked if they are doing it willingly. i’m shocked that the priest would move forward with this. that 100% does against the ceremony. and why would this be on an out of town trip? why not the local parish? again, it’s odd a priest would do this for some random person he never met. sacraments like that are taken seriously and there is so much preparation and paperwork required. something seems sketchy about this. regardless you and your mom are nta, no one should ever be part of a religious ceremony unwillingly.
|
nta - a 15 year old is more than capable to speak for themselves in this scenario. the priest and everyone else involved should have listened to cindy and not violated cindy's consent teaching her that it is okay to violate consent.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so my cousin cindy(f) just turned 15 and my uncle jj wanted to have a religious service for her in the catholic church on an out of town trip. cindy lives with her mom and she told him she didn’t want to because her mom wouldn’t be there. (cindy’s mom couldn’t go bc of work.) he said okay and we thought that was that. well the day of the service she was just supposed to get a blessing by the priest instead of doing her first communion. but he talked to the priest and told him to do the service anyways. while we were in church we figured out that he was trying to do that and cindy told him no again. he got mad and told her to stop being dramatic and just do it. my aunt then joined and they both started pressuring her. i (22f) got up and told them to stop and listen to what she’s telling them. jj told me to sit down and mind my business and then told cindy that i’m influencing her not to do it. she told him again that it was her decision and she didn’t want to do it without her mom but he kept yelling and she started crying. my mom also told them that if they loved cindy like they were claiming, then they should ask and listen to what she wants and respect that. jj told my mom to be quiet and that cindy isn’t her daughter so it doesn’t concern her. cindy even got up & told the priest she didn’t want to do it and he said okay and he would honor that. well long story short he didn’t. they proceeded with the service and my cousin was crying and very upset. after, my cousin thanked my mom and i for sticking up for her. now, my family is blowing up my dad saying my mom and i were disrespectful in the house of god. i don’t think we were; we were supporting my cousin in her decision. many family members are saying we were disrespectful and aren’t talking to us. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so my cousin cindy(f) just turned 15 and my uncle jj wanted to have a religious service for her in the catholic church on an out of town trip. cindy lives with her mom and she told him she didn’t want to because her mom wouldn’t be there. (cindy’s mom couldn’t go bc of work.) he said okay and we thought that was that. well the day of the service she was just supposed to get a blessing by the priest instead of doing her first communion. but he talked to the priest and told him to do the service anyways. while we were in church we figured out that he was trying to do that and cindy told him no again. he got mad and told her to stop being dramatic and just do it. my aunt then joined and they both started pressuring her. i (22f) got up and told them to stop and listen to what she’s telling them. jj told me to sit down and mind my business and then told cindy that i’m influencing her not to do it. she told him again that it was her decision and she didn’t want to do it without her mom but he kept yelling and she started crying. my mom also told them that if they loved cindy like they were claiming, then they should ask and listen to what she wants and respect that. jj told my mom to be quiet and that cindy isn’t her daughter so it doesn’t concern her. cindy even got up & told the priest she didn’t want to do it and he said okay and he would honor that. well long story short he didn’t. they proceeded with the service and my cousin was crying and very upset. after, my cousin thanked my mom and i for sticking up for her. now, my family is blowing up my dad saying my mom and i were disrespectful in the house of god. i don’t think we were; we were supporting my cousin in her decision. many family members are saying we were disrespectful and aren’t talking to us. so aita? [/INST] nta at all! i don’t get how the priest could even go through with it without her consent? </s>
|
AITA for refusing to give money
|
first some background. my parents took every penny of any money i ever got or earned when i was growing up. i got $1000 at my high school graduation, they needed to "borrow" it promising to pay it back double, they never did. they always promised to pay me back (with interest) and i never saw a dime from them. needless to say i won't give them money anymore, and they don't ask anymore.
my husband's sister was 18? at the time, and we weren't married yet. but there was something she really wanted but at the time didn't have the money for. i've always been the type of person that goes out of my way to make others happy, so i told her i would get it and she could pay me back. it was $40. she agreed.
that was a year and half(?) (sorry i'm a little fuzzy on the exact timeline) ago. i mentioned it once several months later when she asked for something that she still owed me money. well apparently she went and complained to her other sisters that i was harassing her about the money and she didn't have a job and needed to save up for a car yada yada. (i would like to mention that between these times she had gotten a tattoo and paid her sister lots of money to get her alcohol) well needless to say i got reamed for "harassing" this girl and accused of having it out for her. (not by my hubby by his sister's including the one i'm referencing)
well now i refuse to buy her anything (unless she gives me the money for it then and there) or give her any money for anything. i got burned loaning money way to many times. since all of this she has gotten 5 tattoos, paid $150 for a lizard, etc. i've never brought it up since i got yelled at about brining it up once. but i refuse to give or spend any money, and i'm pretty sure she knows this because she calls my husband now whenever she wants something. i used to buy her meals at restaurants, i used to do all kinds of things for her, and she couldn't pay me back the one time i asked her to.
she still tries to say i have it out for her. aita?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jl7rso/aita_for_refusing_to_give_money/
|
2020-10-30 23:30:38
|
nta - but you need to learn that you don’t “loan” money to friends and family. you either give it to them, or you say no. your husbands sisters sound awful and hopefully you are able to avoid them until they grow up. good luck!
|
nta. people hate when they can't use you as a doormat any longer. stick to your guns - and your hubby needs to step in and help push them back into their lane.
|
nta. she got used to it and now she feels entitled to your money and goodwill.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: first some background. my parents took every penny of any money i ever got or earned when i was growing up. i got $1000 at my high school graduation, they needed to "borrow" it promising to pay it back double, they never did. they always promised to pay me back (with interest) and i never saw a dime from them. needless to say i won't give them money anymore, and they don't ask anymore. my husband's sister was 18? at the time, and we weren't married yet. but there was something she really wanted but at the time didn't have the money for. i've always been the type of person that goes out of my way to make others happy, so i told her i would get it and she could pay me back. it was $40. she agreed. that was a year and half(?) (sorry i'm a little fuzzy on the exact timeline) ago. i mentioned it once several months later when she asked for something that she still owed me money. well apparently she went and complained to her other sisters that i was harassing her about the money and she didn't have a job and needed to save up for a car yada yada. (i would like to mention that between these times she had gotten a tattoo and paid her sister lots of money to get her alcohol) well needless to say i got reamed for "harassing" this girl and accused of having it out for her. (not by my hubby by his sister's including the one i'm referencing) well now i refuse to buy her anything (unless she gives me the money for it then and there) or give her any money for anything. i got burned loaning money way to many times. since all of this she has gotten 5 tattoos, paid $150 for a lizard, etc. i've never brought it up since i got yelled at about brining it up once. but i refuse to give or spend any money, and i'm pretty sure she knows this because she calls my husband now whenever she wants something. i used to buy her meals at restaurants, i used to do all kinds of things for her, and she couldn't pay me back the one time i asked her to. she still tries to say i have it out for her. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
first some background. my parents took every penny of any money i ever got or earned when i was growing up. i got $1000 at my high school graduation, they needed to "borrow" it promising to pay it back double, they never did. they always promised to pay me back (with interest) and i never saw a dime from them. needless to say i won't give them money anymore, and they don't ask anymore. my husband's sister was 18? at the time, and we weren't married yet. but there was something she really wanted but at the time didn't have the money for. i've always been the type of person that goes out of my way to make others happy, so i told her i would get it and she could pay me back. it was $40. she agreed. that was a year and half(?) (sorry i'm a little fuzzy on the exact timeline) ago. i mentioned it once several months later when she asked for something that she still owed me money. well apparently she went and complained to her other sisters that i was harassing her about the money and she didn't have a job and needed to save up for a car yada yada. (i would like to mention that between these times she had gotten a tattoo and paid her sister lots of money to get her alcohol) well needless to say i got reamed for "harassing" this girl and accused of having it out for her. (not by my hubby by his sister's including the one i'm referencing) well now i refuse to buy her anything (unless she gives me the money for it then and there) or give her any money for anything. i got burned loaning money way to many times. since all of this she has gotten 5 tattoos, paid $150 for a lizard, etc. i've never brought it up since i got yelled at about brining it up once. but i refuse to give or spend any money, and i'm pretty sure she knows this because she calls my husband now whenever she wants something. i used to buy her meals at restaurants, i used to do all kinds of things for her, and she couldn't pay me back the one time i asked her to. she still tries to say i have it out for her. aita? [/INST] nta - but you need to learn that you don’t “loan” money to friends and family. you either give it to them, or you say no. your husbands sisters sound awful and hopefully you are able to avoid them until they grow up. good luck! </s>
|
WIBTA if I left my baby with my mum and ran away.
|
so im 18 years old and 36 weeks pregnant, i was not allowed an abortion and so i'm currently carrying a baby i dont want.
i got pregnant at 17 and so my mum was able to stop an abortion from happening.
i wanted to put the baby up for adoption but mum has convinced me it's a terrible idea.
wibta if i ran away and left my mother to care for the baby as it seems she really likes it.
it's a girl btw.
i've already packed a bag that my mum thinks is a hospital bag but is actually a bag for when i run away.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bkscsv/wibta_if_i_left_my_baby_with_my_mum_and_ran_away/
|
2019-05-05 01:35:44
|
yta. it sucks that you’re in this position. but running away and sticking your mom with an infant with no warning is not ok. if you don’t want the baby, that’s ok. but you need to do it the right way. legally terminate parental rights and put it up for adoption. and then if your mom wants to take care of her grandchild she can legally adopt it. if you just run away, it’ll take longer to get her legally available to adopt if it turns out your mother doesn’t want to keep her, and the older she gets, the longer she’ll probably have to wait in the system to get adopted.
|
nta, but don't give her to your mom. find a good, sane couple who will raise her move out and limit your contact. your mom forced you to carry this pregnancy. i can't even comprehend how psychotic that is. she can't be entrusted with the care of any child, especially a girl.
|
if you're 18 your mom one hundred percent cannot stop you from going through the adoption process.
|
nta. you're in a super shitty situation. do you have any other relatives or friends you can talk with or lean on? you're going to need a plan.
if you don't feel your mom would be a good guardian, then i think you should still persue adoption.
|
esh. your mother has forced her unwilling daughter to carry and keep a child you don’t want. i dunno, that wouldn’t figure high on the list of good attributes of people to raise a baby girl. give the child a chance and put her up for adoption. sorry you’re going through this.
|
yta, don't just drop that on someone and abandon your life. after the baby is born unless they name your mother the sole guardian if you leave you can be in an ungodly amount of legal trouble. stomach it for as long as you can and wait until you're 18 and see about giving your child up for adoption then.
|
esh. your mom is shitty for blocking your abortion, but if she's capable of that, there's no telling what would happen to the baby if you dump her on your mother. i would suggest giving her up for adoption if you can't afford to raise her yourself.
|
esh. but i understand where you’re coming from.
you should be able to give it up for adoption if you’re not aborting it. it’s your child.
however, you can’t just run off and dump this child with your mom without warning. my advice is just adopt her out anyways. running away isn’t a good idea; it won’t help you either.
this is an awful situation op, and i hope it gets better. i also think you should seek advice for this; but from a professional. not on reddit. i wish you the best.
|
lots of states allow you to drop babies off at fire stations no questions asked. check it out for where you live. lots of times there's an age limit (for the baby) so don't wait too long to see.
this gives you a quick out without having to worry about a drawn out adoption process or your legal liabilities if you just run away.
im sorry you're in this situation. i can't imagine being forced to carry and birth a baby you didn't want.
|
nta
oh honey, this is a shitty place to be in. please don't run away without dealing with the legal side of stuff, it's your right to give the baby up for adoption if you want. and leaving without dealing with the legal side of things may come back to hurt you in the future, and might make it harder for the baby to get adopted. you're 18, that's going to help a lot.
get help now. there are often programs that will give you a safe place to live while you're waiting for the birth. talk to your doctor, or a trusted adult (who isn't your mom), or look online to find an adoption agency in your area, or call social services or cps in your area and ask them how to start the process. this is complicated but doable. the more you plan now the easier things will be.
if you can't arrange an adoption in advance, you can do so at the hospital when it's time to give birth. you're 18 and a legal adult, it's your legal right to tell staff to not let your mother into the room and to have privacy (from her) during birth if that's what you want. ask the nurses to contact a social worker, there's often one that works in the hospital to help patients and their families.
as a last resort, if your mother manages to force you to take the baby home and you can't get away, there is something called a "safe haven law" in the us. there are similar programs in many other countries. (the exact name and rules vary based on where you are) these laws let a parent drop their baby off at places like the emergency room, or the police department, or sometimes the fire department. the state will take custody of the baby. this is more complicated than arranging an adoption before leaving the hospital, but it is possible.
if you need to leave after you've safely and legally given the baby to someone else, that's ok. there are some programs out there than can help you- ask the social worker about them. there are programs like jobcorps that will give you a place to live and teach you a trade for free, if that's what you need.
there's a lot of help out there if you ask for it and look for it, and you're not an asshole to want to give a baby you never wanted to carry to a family who will love her.
you're nta. i'm sorry you're having to go through this.
|
YTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
| null |
NTA
| 0.743101 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so im 18 years old and 36 weeks pregnant, i was not allowed an abortion and so i'm currently carrying a baby i dont want. i got pregnant at 17 and so my mum was able to stop an abortion from happening. i wanted to put the baby up for adoption but mum has convinced me it's a terrible idea. wibta if i ran away and left my mother to care for the baby as it seems she really likes it. it's a girl btw. i've already packed a bag that my mum thinks is a hospital bag but is actually a bag for when i run away.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so im 18 years old and 36 weeks pregnant, i was not allowed an abortion and so i'm currently carrying a baby i dont want. i got pregnant at 17 and so my mum was able to stop an abortion from happening. i wanted to put the baby up for adoption but mum has convinced me it's a terrible idea. wibta if i ran away and left my mother to care for the baby as it seems she really likes it. it's a girl btw. i've already packed a bag that my mum thinks is a hospital bag but is actually a bag for when i run away. [/INST] yta. it sucks that you’re in this position. but running away and sticking your mom with an infant with no warning is not ok. if you don’t want the baby, that’s ok. but you need to do it the right way. legally terminate parental rights and put it up for adoption. and then if your mom wants to take care of her grandchild she can legally adopt it. if you just run away, it’ll take longer to get her legally available to adopt if it turns out your mother doesn’t want to keep her, and the older she gets, the longer she’ll probably have to wait in the system to get adopted. </s>
|
AITA for not helping with my parents 50th anniversary?
|
some background – i am the youngest in my family and was a surprise. my siblings let it be known they wanted nothing to do with me, and my parents regularly told me how difficult their life was because of me. we are cordial, but not close at all as adults.
we threw a surprise 25th anniversary when i was 17. my oldest sister took charge of the planning since she was working and taking classes part-time and had flexibility in her schedule. my older brother was out of the country and unable to attend. the party happened during my football season, so i would get up at 6 a.m. for school and get home prom practice around 8 p.m. my job was basically to stop to gather supplies and check with vendors on my way home from practice. my dad would be waiting for me each day to yell at me for being 20-30 minutes late and accuse me of all kinds of things. i brushed it off so i wouldn’t ruin the surprise.
the day of the party comes and i’m scrambling around putting up decorations, preparing food, greeting guests, etc. my parents get home and are delighted by the surprise. all seemed well.
shortly after my sister starts to loudly declare she put on the entire party all by herself and that i didn’t lift a finger. she went on and on to anyone who would listen for about an hour. then my dad started screaming at me because my aunt couldn’t find her car keys, and for some reason he thought i took them (my cousin still had them after moving her car)? to add insult to injury, my parents bought my sister’s bs and wrote her this long thank you note without a simple ty to me.
flash forward, and my sister informs me its time to start planning for my parents 50th. i gently let her know i won’t be involved this time around. my sister is confused and says “but it’s their 50th!” i let her know that i was in the way last time, and that i ruined the party by getting her and my dad so upset that they screamed at me in front of everyone. i told her that if she sends me an invite, i’ll show up and bring a gift, but made it clear that would be the extent of my participation.
she thinks i’m being petty and just making threats not to help. and yes, this was a long time ago so perhaps i should leave it in the past and not have her take on the planning by herself. however, i promised myself that i wouldn’t go through all that effort again just to be disrespected and humiliated.
so aita for not helping plan this milestone event and leaving it all to my sister based on what happened over two decades ago at their last anniversary party?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ttzibs/aita_for_not_helping_with_my_parents_50th/
|
2022-04-01 19:39:06
|
nta.
she wanted all the credit last time, she can do all of the work this time.
i hate when people say, "oh, that was a long time ago blah blah blah" like, yeah, it was and yet, the wronged party still hasn't received an apology so... there you go.
|
nta. it’s your right to refuse and not put yourself through that drama again.
|
nta.
imo you would only be an ah if you book a lovely vacation (what a coincidence it happens on exact the same day), are having a blast and would not spam your sm with proof that you are having the time of your life.
petty?
yep, thats me.
also since last time it was sis who did all the work you wouldn't know what to do so thanks but no thanks, you don't want to ruin anything so you place this whole shebang into her capable hands.
|
when she asked why you should have been honest. you have been treated horribly and i'm not sure why you even talk to these people still.
but no, you're nta for not helping and you would be nta for not attending too.
|
nta. honestly? i wouldn’t even attend. they don’t sound like they even care if you show up.
take a vacation to a place you’ve always wanted to go and celebrate you for once.
i’m sorry your family is awful. you deserve to be loved and appreciated fully.
|
# nta!!!
holy crap. i wouldn't help her with another thing as long as she lives.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: some background – i am the youngest in my family and was a surprise. my siblings let it be known they wanted nothing to do with me, and my parents regularly told me how difficult their life was because of me. we are cordial, but not close at all as adults. we threw a surprise 25th anniversary when i was 17. my oldest sister took charge of the planning since she was working and taking classes part-time and had flexibility in her schedule. my older brother was out of the country and unable to attend. the party happened during my football season, so i would get up at 6 a.m. for school and get home prom practice around 8 p.m. my job was basically to stop to gather supplies and check with vendors on my way home from practice. my dad would be waiting for me each day to yell at me for being 20-30 minutes late and accuse me of all kinds of things. i brushed it off so i wouldn’t ruin the surprise. the day of the party comes and i’m scrambling around putting up decorations, preparing food, greeting guests, etc. my parents get home and are delighted by the surprise. all seemed well. shortly after my sister starts to loudly declare she put on the entire party all by herself and that i didn’t lift a finger. she went on and on to anyone who would listen for about an hour. then my dad started screaming at me because my aunt couldn’t find her car keys, and for some reason he thought i took them (my cousin still had them after moving her car)? to add insult to injury, my parents bought my sister’s bs and wrote her this long thank you note without a simple ty to me. flash forward, and my sister informs me its time to start planning for my parents 50th. i gently let her know i won’t be involved this time around. my sister is confused and says “but it’s their 50th!” i let her know that i was in the way last time, and that i ruined the party by getting her and my dad so upset that they screamed at me in front of everyone. i told her that if she sends me an invite, i’ll show up and bring a gift, but made it clear that would be the extent of my participation. she thinks i’m being petty and just making threats not to help. and yes, this was a long time ago so perhaps i should leave it in the past and not have her take on the planning by herself. however, i promised myself that i wouldn’t go through all that effort again just to be disrespected and humiliated. so aita for not helping plan this milestone event and leaving it all to my sister based on what happened over two decades ago at their last anniversary party?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
some background – i am the youngest in my family and was a surprise. my siblings let it be known they wanted nothing to do with me, and my parents regularly told me how difficult their life was because of me. we are cordial, but not close at all as adults. we threw a surprise 25th anniversary when i was 17. my oldest sister took charge of the planning since she was working and taking classes part-time and had flexibility in her schedule. my older brother was out of the country and unable to attend. the party happened during my football season, so i would get up at 6 a.m. for school and get home prom practice around 8 p.m. my job was basically to stop to gather supplies and check with vendors on my way home from practice. my dad would be waiting for me each day to yell at me for being 20-30 minutes late and accuse me of all kinds of things. i brushed it off so i wouldn’t ruin the surprise. the day of the party comes and i’m scrambling around putting up decorations, preparing food, greeting guests, etc. my parents get home and are delighted by the surprise. all seemed well. shortly after my sister starts to loudly declare she put on the entire party all by herself and that i didn’t lift a finger. she went on and on to anyone who would listen for about an hour. then my dad started screaming at me because my aunt couldn’t find her car keys, and for some reason he thought i took them (my cousin still had them after moving her car)? to add insult to injury, my parents bought my sister’s bs and wrote her this long thank you note without a simple ty to me. flash forward, and my sister informs me its time to start planning for my parents 50th. i gently let her know i won’t be involved this time around. my sister is confused and says “but it’s their 50th!” i let her know that i was in the way last time, and that i ruined the party by getting her and my dad so upset that they screamed at me in front of everyone. i told her that if she sends me an invite, i’ll show up and bring a gift, but made it clear that would be the extent of my participation. she thinks i’m being petty and just making threats not to help. and yes, this was a long time ago so perhaps i should leave it in the past and not have her take on the planning by herself. however, i promised myself that i wouldn’t go through all that effort again just to be disrespected and humiliated. so aita for not helping plan this milestone event and leaving it all to my sister based on what happened over two decades ago at their last anniversary party? [/INST] nta. she wanted all the credit last time, she can do all of the work this time. i hate when people say, "oh, that was a long time ago blah blah blah" like, yeah, it was and yet, the wronged party still hasn't received an apology so... there you go. </s>
|
AITA for wanting my SO to cut someone out of their life?
|
my boyfriend has a new acquaintance who is a girl. they have known each other for about a month. the girl is in a relationship, but spends her time whining about her boyfriend to my boyfriend about how she is not sure they should be together. my boyfriend has encouraged her to work her relationship out.
she constantly asks my boyfriend if he's going out that night. she's sent him drunk selfies at night. she asked him to go to her old high school alumni ball with her, because her boyfriend couldn't come and she had already bought a couple's ticket (my boyfriend refused because he had a friend's birthday party that night). she jokes about how much she likes a certain hoodie my boyfriend has. she jokes about how much she likes the way he talks. she has used phrases like "where have you been all of my life". ever since they met, she has always been aware that my boyfriend is in a happy relationship. her actions feel extremely flirty to me and my personal opinion is that she is an inappropriate cunt.
we have talked about this with my boyfriend. he says he has no interest in her and i believe him. he says that he understands why i would be uncomfortable but he doesn't want to be rude to her. again, i get it - he's kind of the human version of mr. peanutbutter and just wants everyone to get along and be happy.
at the same time i feel very irritated. i want him to set hard boundaries with this girl because honestly i wouldn't be surprised at anything she'd try to do at this point. i would like him to tell her to fuck off permanently. he doesn't want to be too harsh to her and would still like to be (platonically) friendly with her. technically he hasn't done anything wrong and i know he has no intention to. however, i also feel like he hasn't made enough of a clear statement about how he is not interested in her, because clearly mentioning his girlfriend (aka me) hasn't been enough to deter her.
am i the asshole for wanting him to cut her out of his life completely? also am i overreacting to her behaviour or would this be considered normal between platonic friends who have known each other for a month?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b58n3i/aita_for_wanting_my_so_to_cut_someone_out_of/
|
2019-03-25 09:56:08
|
nta, but i think forcing him to cut her out completely is a bit harsh. he should definitely talk to her about boundaries, which i think will most likely force her hand. she'll either just go away or she'll force him away. now if he doesn't want to do this i would start to wonder if maybe he's a little bit in to her. just something to watch out for.
|
nta. i feel like your boyfriend kinda is though for allowing this. you said your boyfriend is super nice and just doesn't like being mean to people, but, have you considered that maybe he kinda likes the attention? maybe he kinda likes the extra attention and someone gushing over him and complimenting him all the time. it doesn't necessarily mean he's gonna cheat but it does mean he's putting his enjoyment of having his ego stroked by a cute girl over the comfort and happiness of his own girlfriend. you should have a firm discussion with your boyfriend. even if he doesn't see an issue with her behaviour he should care about you enough to put his foot down
|
nta
the very thing your so is doing to avoid being an asshole is what makes him an asshole.
i'm glad you trust him because this sounds shady as fuck and i really hope you're right about him being mr.peanutbutter.
|
esh
although i understand your concerns, you either trust your boyfriend or you don’t - stop trying to control him. your boyfriend does not sound like he has put up any boundaries with this chick, at all. and she just sounds like she wants what isn’t available.
|
> my boyfriend refused because he had a party that night.
and not because of the fact that she has her own boyfriend and if she can't work it out that is her responsibility to fix?
nah. it seems way to possible that things may go wrong if you allow it to. set some hard boundaries about his contact with her.
|
info. i understand where you're coming from in this situation, but before i can give an official judgement, i think it's important to ask if he has distanced himself from this girl since you both have talked about it?
|
nta, she wants the d not normal behavior. trust your gut
|
nta. maybe he's oblivious but its obvious that girl has intentions. this is not the kind of information/jokes that you tell your newest friend, especially ones in a relationship. if he doesn't want to cut her out of his life he should at least not tolerate/encourage this behavior
|
nta but your boyfriend is. he doesn't want to be rude to this girl? he doesn't have to be. he still can set boundaries and if she stomps on them it's fair to cut her off. he should make you his priority. he is rude by not respecting your feelings on this topic.
|
yta kinda... kinda. hear me out...
relationships are complicated. people are complicated. i say this as a guy who was always with good looking women (bc i'm just picky af) and therefore always had gfs that would get hit on a lot.
what i learned is, it doesn't matter if someone hits on your partner - this happens and will happen all the time. the only thing that matters is what your partner does really. if you trust him, then i don't see a (big) problem here.
might she crush on him? yeah, prolly. she seems to have a bad rl and your bf is nice to her. easy for her to crush a bit. is the sending drunk selfies weird? ya sure. as long as they are not nudes or something like that... whatever. some girls. just like sending pics.
is he open about that all to you? even less to worry tbh. i'd worry if he keeps stuff like this a secret. or meeting her behind your back.
see, these crushes happen a lot. could be that she really wants more now and in the long run, but it's more likely it wears off and they lose contact or become friends.
you can absolutely tell him you aren't really cool about it. but you might understand that he likes her as a friend.
and let's be honest here: if he wants something from her, there probably is nothing you can do about it anyways. you can't control who he talks to, and if you try to and he wants more from her, hell prolly do it behind your back. if he don't want more from her, you drive away a friend of him and prolly get into fights for nothing. that's pretty much a lose/lose situation.
as long as he doesn't want anything from her, be chill.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NAH
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
| 0.176777 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my boyfriend has a new acquaintance who is a girl. they have known each other for about a month. the girl is in a relationship, but spends her time whining about her boyfriend to my boyfriend about how she is not sure they should be together. my boyfriend has encouraged her to work her relationship out. she constantly asks my boyfriend if he's going out that night. she's sent him drunk selfies at night. she asked him to go to her old high school alumni ball with her, because her boyfriend couldn't come and she had already bought a couple's ticket (my boyfriend refused because he had a friend's birthday party that night). she jokes about how much she likes a certain hoodie my boyfriend has. she jokes about how much she likes the way he talks. she has used phrases like "where have you been all of my life". ever since they met, she has always been aware that my boyfriend is in a happy relationship. her actions feel extremely flirty to me and my personal opinion is that she is an inappropriate cunt. we have talked about this with my boyfriend. he says he has no interest in her and i believe him. he says that he understands why i would be uncomfortable but he doesn't want to be rude to her. again, i get it - he's kind of the human version of mr. peanutbutter and just wants everyone to get along and be happy. at the same time i feel very irritated. i want him to set hard boundaries with this girl because honestly i wouldn't be surprised at anything she'd try to do at this point. i would like him to tell her to fuck off permanently. he doesn't want to be too harsh to her and would still like to be (platonically) friendly with her. technically he hasn't done anything wrong and i know he has no intention to. however, i also feel like he hasn't made enough of a clear statement about how he is not interested in her, because clearly mentioning his girlfriend (aka me) hasn't been enough to deter her. am i the asshole for wanting him to cut her out of his life completely? also am i overreacting to her behaviour or would this be considered normal between platonic friends who have known each other for a month?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend has a new acquaintance who is a girl. they have known each other for about a month. the girl is in a relationship, but spends her time whining about her boyfriend to my boyfriend about how she is not sure they should be together. my boyfriend has encouraged her to work her relationship out. she constantly asks my boyfriend if he's going out that night. she's sent him drunk selfies at night. she asked him to go to her old high school alumni ball with her, because her boyfriend couldn't come and she had already bought a couple's ticket (my boyfriend refused because he had a friend's birthday party that night). she jokes about how much she likes a certain hoodie my boyfriend has. she jokes about how much she likes the way he talks. she has used phrases like "where have you been all of my life". ever since they met, she has always been aware that my boyfriend is in a happy relationship. her actions feel extremely flirty to me and my personal opinion is that she is an inappropriate cunt. we have talked about this with my boyfriend. he says he has no interest in her and i believe him. he says that he understands why i would be uncomfortable but he doesn't want to be rude to her. again, i get it - he's kind of the human version of mr. peanutbutter and just wants everyone to get along and be happy. at the same time i feel very irritated. i want him to set hard boundaries with this girl because honestly i wouldn't be surprised at anything she'd try to do at this point. i would like him to tell her to fuck off permanently. he doesn't want to be too harsh to her and would still like to be (platonically) friendly with her. technically he hasn't done anything wrong and i know he has no intention to. however, i also feel like he hasn't made enough of a clear statement about how he is not interested in her, because clearly mentioning his girlfriend (aka me) hasn't been enough to deter her. am i the asshole for wanting him to cut her out of his life completely? also am i overreacting to her behaviour or would this be considered normal between platonic friends who have known each other for a month? [/INST] nta, but i think forcing him to cut her out completely is a bit harsh. he should definitely talk to her about boundaries, which i think will most likely force her hand. she'll either just go away or she'll force him away. now if he doesn't want to do this i would start to wonder if maybe he's a little bit in to her. just something to watch out for. </s>
|
AITA for asking second floor tenants to not use my workout equipment in our shared basement?
|
i live in a 2 floor house with a shared basement, where there is a washer and dryer for everyone. i live on the 1st floor and upstairs seems to be a 4/5 people roommate situation. recently, i’ve brought in a treadmill and a weight rack for some light workouts. lo and behold, one day i come down with a laundry load and theres a guy and his buddy using my stuff as if its a gym. the upstairs tenant said sorry for not asking and that he knocked on my door to ask (he didnt) so i let it slide (i hate confrontation). 2 days later i hear the treadmill going off at 8am. i grabbed a small load as an excuse to interrupt whoever was using it and this time it was a female tenant. i went back upstairs and waited out her jog. i finally heard the treadmill stop and a few mins the basement door opened. i stepped out and kindly asked her if her apt can stop using all my equipment as it was kinda pricey. she went off on me saying maybe i shouldnt have all of my stuff in the shared basement then and that its where everyones storage goes and that im selfish. at first i thought she was crazy but then i start to think maybe she had a point since it was mainly used for some storage. as of now half of the basement has my equipment and the other half has some of their storage and then empty space.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/depob5/aita_for_asking_second_floor_tenants_to_not_use/
|
2019-10-07 20:59:08
|
esh
they really should ask if they know the equipment is yours.
but
you can’t really leave your stuff in a shared space and expect no one to touch it.
|
nta it may be a shared space, but that's no reason to use your stuff. ask for it to be moved, sure, i guess, but not use it.
|
this is a hard one, because i totally understand not wanting to put additional wear and tear on the treadmill...
but it is a shared space, and you aren't sharing it. i think that makes yta.
the part i struggle with a bit is that presumably everyone gets a portion of the shared space for storage - so it's not totally unreasonable to think that op is entitled to that space. even so - there's no way around the fact that you look selfish to your shared tenants. i don't think there's any way around you being ta here unless you move your equipment into your place, or you let them use it.
|
info what percentage of the available floor space in the basement is being used by your equipment and other items, and does it encroach on the other unit's ability to use the rest of the space and access the laundry area? also, did you get permission from your landlord to place your exclusive-use belongings in this shared space?
yta if your stuff is in other tenants' way, or uses up more than your share of the space. beyond that, you've put your things in a shared space so you really can't control whether other (shitty) people touch them, even if they've been asked nicely not to.
|
nah i think. but if i were your neighbor, i would also have assumed that workout equipment in a shared space was meant for sharing.
|
nta - i'm sure she wouldn't be too happy if you were opening the boxes they had in storage and using the contents would she?
|
nta - i leave my kayaks in the basement, my neighbors leave their bikes. we’d all be poed if someone borrowed those items. suggest you put up a sign (property of apartment #, please dont use or property of apartment #b, to use, please chip in $25 per month for maintenance [venmo]).
|
this is just my opinion but if i living in a apartment and there was unlabeled workout equipment in the shared space i would assume that it was put there by the owners for us all to use as it is a shared space. you really need to label it as your property and that you would rather people not touch it. and if you are really worried about people using it you may want to find some space in your apartment.
i don't think you are the asshole and i don't think your neighbors are the assholes. i just think there is not enough communication going on here.
nah
|
nah with a possible y t a situation in the future.
my opinion is, whenever you put something in a shared area, expect it to be shared. sure you bought the equipment, but if you don't want others to use it, don't store it in a place where others have equal rights and access.
if you lock them somehow so others can't use them, expect them to require you to either remove them from the shared area, or move them in a way to create equal space for whatever they would like to store there, or ask you to pay more share of the basement since you take up more space.
alternatively you can keep them in your house, or ask them to chip in for the right to use them and maintenance.
anything else i'm afraid will put you in asshole territory.
|
i may be an a here but when the neighbors rented the apartment i am sure that a workout room did not come with the lease whether one conveniently popped up or not. i’d tell them it’s not there for them and they need to either respect their neighbor or pay for the convenience of not having to go to the gym since they insist on putting wear and tear on things that don’t belong to them. of course, they will refuse so i’d be hauling my stuff to my own apartment. you’re nta but you neighbors sure are. just one opinion here.
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
| 0.238797 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live in a 2 floor house with a shared basement, where there is a washer and dryer for everyone. i live on the 1st floor and upstairs seems to be a 4/5 people roommate situation. recently, i’ve brought in a treadmill and a weight rack for some light workouts. lo and behold, one day i come down with a laundry load and theres a guy and his buddy using my stuff as if its a gym. the upstairs tenant said sorry for not asking and that he knocked on my door to ask (he didnt) so i let it slide (i hate confrontation). 2 days later i hear the treadmill going off at 8am. i grabbed a small load as an excuse to interrupt whoever was using it and this time it was a female tenant. i went back upstairs and waited out her jog. i finally heard the treadmill stop and a few mins the basement door opened. i stepped out and kindly asked her if her apt can stop using all my equipment as it was kinda pricey. she went off on me saying maybe i shouldnt have all of my stuff in the shared basement then and that its where everyones storage goes and that im selfish. at first i thought she was crazy but then i start to think maybe she had a point since it was mainly used for some storage. as of now half of the basement has my equipment and the other half has some of their storage and then empty space.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i live in a 2 floor house with a shared basement, where there is a washer and dryer for everyone. i live on the 1st floor and upstairs seems to be a 4/5 people roommate situation. recently, i’ve brought in a treadmill and a weight rack for some light workouts. lo and behold, one day i come down with a laundry load and theres a guy and his buddy using my stuff as if its a gym. the upstairs tenant said sorry for not asking and that he knocked on my door to ask (he didnt) so i let it slide (i hate confrontation). 2 days later i hear the treadmill going off at 8am. i grabbed a small load as an excuse to interrupt whoever was using it and this time it was a female tenant. i went back upstairs and waited out her jog. i finally heard the treadmill stop and a few mins the basement door opened. i stepped out and kindly asked her if her apt can stop using all my equipment as it was kinda pricey. she went off on me saying maybe i shouldnt have all of my stuff in the shared basement then and that its where everyones storage goes and that im selfish. at first i thought she was crazy but then i start to think maybe she had a point since it was mainly used for some storage. as of now half of the basement has my equipment and the other half has some of their storage and then empty space. [/INST] esh they really should ask if they know the equipment is yours. but you can’t really leave your stuff in a shared space and expect no one to touch it. </s>
|
AITA for not giving someone his money back after they bought an ad and it didn't do well?
|
hello. i own a discord community server of 350k members, a few weeks ago someone sent me a dm about being interested in buying an ad.
we discussed some details, and i told them about how we had 350k members plus 20-30k members online daily, so the ad reach would've been good.
they told me they were willing to pay 300usd for the ad, and after a bit more discussion they were confident enough to send me the money.
once i got the money, i post the ad (exactly as it was written by them) on the server, days passed and the ad wasn't very succesful as it didnt gave them many joins to their server (which was the point of the ad).
they message me again, telling me how i was a liar and a scammer because the ad didn't do well because only a few hundred people joined, but with my member count it should have been more. they asked me for the money back but i refused because i had already sent our staff their share.
we discussed some more, and i ended the conversation by saying that i did my part. i posted the ad, i made sure to mention the whole server so everyone would have a notification on the ad, etc. but thats about how far i can control things, i dont have power on people and cant force them to join a server if they aren't interested. the reach was there, but i guess it wasn't interesting enough for people to actually join.
after saying that, i just stopped replying. aita? im not sure what else i could have done.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t767nf/aita_for_not_giving_someone_his_money_back_after/
|
2022-03-05 09:52:42
|
nta - you sold advertising access to your member base. which you provided. not your fault if their ad didn’t appeal to your user base.
if you’d sold it as 350k but the reach was only 50k then sure. or if you’d said it was all old grannies with 20 cats each and the ad was for cat food but it turned out to be a misrepresentation of your user base who were really “united cat haters of the world”…but you didn’t.
maybe their ad was badly put together. maybe they misjudged their target audience. whatever..:it’s not on you.
|
nta. an ad-buy isn't a guarantee, and your end of business concluded with your posting. if you wanted to be *really* nice, you could post it a second time, but you're under no further obligation to this person.
|
nta
&#x200b;
you did not offer results, you did offer posting it on the server - which you did.
|
nta. you agreed a price for a service, and you delivered your side; it’s not your fault if their ad was crap.
|
nta. advertisement is a somewhat risky investment. you don't know how successful it will be.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello. i own a discord community server of 350k members, a few weeks ago someone sent me a dm about being interested in buying an ad. we discussed some details, and i told them about how we had 350k members plus 20-30k members online daily, so the ad reach would've been good. they told me they were willing to pay 300usd for the ad, and after a bit more discussion they were confident enough to send me the money. once i got the money, i post the ad (exactly as it was written by them) on the server, days passed and the ad wasn't very succesful as it didnt gave them many joins to their server (which was the point of the ad). they message me again, telling me how i was a liar and a scammer because the ad didn't do well because only a few hundred people joined, but with my member count it should have been more. they asked me for the money back but i refused because i had already sent our staff their share. we discussed some more, and i ended the conversation by saying that i did my part. i posted the ad, i made sure to mention the whole server so everyone would have a notification on the ad, etc. but thats about how far i can control things, i dont have power on people and cant force them to join a server if they aren't interested. the reach was there, but i guess it wasn't interesting enough for people to actually join. after saying that, i just stopped replying. aita? im not sure what else i could have done.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello. i own a discord community server of 350k members, a few weeks ago someone sent me a dm about being interested in buying an ad. we discussed some details, and i told them about how we had 350k members plus 20-30k members online daily, so the ad reach would've been good. they told me they were willing to pay 300usd for the ad, and after a bit more discussion they were confident enough to send me the money. once i got the money, i post the ad (exactly as it was written by them) on the server, days passed and the ad wasn't very succesful as it didnt gave them many joins to their server (which was the point of the ad). they message me again, telling me how i was a liar and a scammer because the ad didn't do well because only a few hundred people joined, but with my member count it should have been more. they asked me for the money back but i refused because i had already sent our staff their share. we discussed some more, and i ended the conversation by saying that i did my part. i posted the ad, i made sure to mention the whole server so everyone would have a notification on the ad, etc. but thats about how far i can control things, i dont have power on people and cant force them to join a server if they aren't interested. the reach was there, but i guess it wasn't interesting enough for people to actually join. after saying that, i just stopped replying. aita? im not sure what else i could have done. [/INST] nta - you sold advertising access to your member base. which you provided. not your fault if their ad didn’t appeal to your user base. if you’d sold it as 350k but the reach was only 50k then sure. or if you’d said it was all old grannies with 20 cats each and the ad was for cat food but it turned out to be a misrepresentation of your user base who were really “united cat haters of the world”…but you didn’t. maybe their ad was badly put together. maybe they misjudged their target audience. whatever..:it’s not on you. </s>
|
AITA for telling my SIL that our nasty MIL was putting glitter in her suitcase?
|
i married into a family that does not believe in boundaries. i was the first person to put any down and mil hates me. she is pretty much a justno, but dh and i are handling it. dh's brother has been married longer than we have, and she likes sil much more but she is still a boundary stomper.
sil has always been pretty cold to me, but that's fine. i'd rather cold than enmeshed. we had a ski weekend and i found mil pouring glitter in sil's suitcase. i told her that was kind of horrible because everyone knows glitter is the herpes of the craft world. mil rolled her eyes and said that was the point.
anyway i told sil, because i would want someone to tell me. she just thanked me, and then i forgot about it. well mil woke me up furious (and with green glittery hair) and demanded to know why i told sil. apparently they have been doing this for years, because mil used to snoop in their house so sil made a glitter trap. mil said i'm like a five year old for "tattling" and that i should just have stayed out of it. dh said i kind of embarrassed him, because i should know what his family is like and i should have stayed out.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l72z5r/aita_for_telling_my_sil_that_our_nasty_mil_was/
|
2021-01-28 17:22:58
|
nta
who the fuck puts glitter in someone's suitcase?
be wary. if she's been doing this with sil for years, what will she do to you to retaliate?
|
nta. but no, your dh isn't "handling it" if you're going on ski outings (covid??) where you're trapped with asshole people who hate you. he damn well should be embarrassed - at his complete lack of a spine.
|
nta - this is a shining example of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes".
|
nta. um. this family sounds super strange. can you move to a land far far away?
|
nta
dh should be embarrassed by his mother. she is the one who acts like a 5 year old girl
|
[deleted]
|
nta- a middle aged woman behaving this way is pathetic tho.
|
if sil did ask then you were surely in the right, if sil did not ask, then you shouldn't have gotten involved.
|
sorry, but you do know the family dynamic. if you would have been asked who put it there, then by all means tell since you are not part of their games. i suspect your disdain for mil and sil is why you told sil, maybe hoping to gain a family ally or to cause a rift. it also seems that mil can dish it out, but not take it. why would you vacation with these people? yta
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
YTA
| null | 0.057131 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i married into a family that does not believe in boundaries. i was the first person to put any down and mil hates me. she is pretty much a justno, but dh and i are handling it. dh's brother has been married longer than we have, and she likes sil much more but she is still a boundary stomper. sil has always been pretty cold to me, but that's fine. i'd rather cold than enmeshed. we had a ski weekend and i found mil pouring glitter in sil's suitcase. i told her that was kind of horrible because everyone knows glitter is the herpes of the craft world. mil rolled her eyes and said that was the point. anyway i told sil, because i would want someone to tell me. she just thanked me, and then i forgot about it. well mil woke me up furious (and with green glittery hair) and demanded to know why i told sil. apparently they have been doing this for years, because mil used to snoop in their house so sil made a glitter trap. mil said i'm like a five year old for "tattling" and that i should just have stayed out of it. dh said i kind of embarrassed him, because i should know what his family is like and i should have stayed out.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i married into a family that does not believe in boundaries. i was the first person to put any down and mil hates me. she is pretty much a justno, but dh and i are handling it. dh's brother has been married longer than we have, and she likes sil much more but she is still a boundary stomper. sil has always been pretty cold to me, but that's fine. i'd rather cold than enmeshed. we had a ski weekend and i found mil pouring glitter in sil's suitcase. i told her that was kind of horrible because everyone knows glitter is the herpes of the craft world. mil rolled her eyes and said that was the point. anyway i told sil, because i would want someone to tell me. she just thanked me, and then i forgot about it. well mil woke me up furious (and with green glittery hair) and demanded to know why i told sil. apparently they have been doing this for years, because mil used to snoop in their house so sil made a glitter trap. mil said i'm like a five year old for "tattling" and that i should just have stayed out of it. dh said i kind of embarrassed him, because i should know what his family is like and i should have stayed out. [/INST] nta who the fuck puts glitter in someone's suitcase? be wary. if she's been doing this with sil for years, what will she do to you to retaliate? </s>
|
WIBTA if I asked my roommate’s pregnant girlfriend to pay rent?
|
after coming back from the holidays, my roommate announced his long distance girlfriend was pregnant and would be moving in. she keeps to herself and doesn’t help out with chores, other than putting her dishes in the dish washer. we haven’t had many issues until utilities came due on the 15th. i charged them for 2/3 assuming that’s how we’d be paying bills now. i was wrong. the gf questioned why i was charging them more since she didn’t have a job. thankfully, the bf paid up after i pressed the issue.
fast forward to now, we have rent due tomorrow and i had hoped they would’ve offered up some way to split it by now. they haven’t. i don’t want to be an asshole, but i also don’t see why the gf should get to live here for free.
for context it’s a 3 bedroom place that my roommate and i had split, the third room was empty but now they store their stuff in it. rent is $1600 so i was thinking about asking for $1000 from them, so they’d each pay $500 while i pay $600. wibta if i recommended this to them?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l9svgf/wibta_if_i_asked_my_roommates_pregnant_girlfriend/
|
2021-02-01 02:47:01
|
nta. also reevaluate your living situation . would you be comfortable with sharing an apartment with a newborn? if this isn’t what you signed up for, be honest with them and either ask them to move or search for a new place to move to. good luck.
|
nta.
> the gf questioned why i was charging them more since she didn’t have a job.
"honey, your ass and your shit are here. pay rent."
they are taking up 2/3 of the bedrooms and 2/3 of the common spaces. they need to pay 2/3 of the rent.
a $1000/$600 split seems more than fair. the alternative is you leaving and they pay $1600.
|
nta. if they're using two of three bedrooms and paying less than 2/3 of rent, and soon to be three people, that is more than reasonable. ideally you would have discussed this before she moved in, but better now than never.
> the gf questioned why i was charging them more since she didn’t have a job.
if only rent worked like that.
|
nta.
if she's going to live there, then she pays her bills, like a normal person.
being pregnant isn't an excuse to take advantage of people.
also, having someone else move in with you is a discussion you have with your roommate/s -- not something you just announce to them.
if they aren't willing to cover their fair share, i'd find somewhere else to live.
|
nta. you did not sign up for a third roommate or to live with a newborn. check your lease and talk to your landlord. chances are your lease has limits on guests. don't risk an eviction.
|
ahem ... being pregnant doesn't preclude working. is she going to get a job? (it also doesn't mean she shouldn't be doing any chores. most pregnant women can continue to be active well into their ninth month.)
and job or no, she's living there, is the third person (soon to be four), and should be paying her share. if they disagree, stand your ground. bring up the lease and/or taking this up with the landlord. but in either event, be prepared to alter your living arrangements: either they leave, or you do. could very well come to that.
nta
|
nta, and it's time to call the landlord to complain. unless you plan on moving out soon, this is only going to get 200% worse when they have a screamy, messy baby around.
|
nta. she's living there and they both want you to essentially subsidise her. is she even on the lease?
|
nta
you need to get this all squared away before that child is born. rent, utilities, and most importantly your position on the child in the house and what you are willing or unwilling to do.
she is already unemployed, she won't be getting a job any time soon and they will start to expect you to help them out because "we're struggling new parents"
probably the best route you can take is to start looking for a new single bedroom place that you can afford or a new roommate situation with some nice child-free people so you don't run into this situation.
as other have suggested you also need to talk to your landlord and review your contract to make sure you aren't at risk of eviction.
moratorium or not, it doesn't protect you from every reason that you can be evicted for, many of the states are only protecting against failure to pay rent/
|
nta.
i went through almost this exact situation with a roommate. he didn't think that his non-working pregnant girlfriend should have to pay bills if she did the housework while he and i worked, so he tried to insist we still split things 50/50. until his gf's sister started staying over. not pregnant, but also unemployed. i'll tag my post on this sub [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole/comments/j5y9im/aita_for_leaving_a_toxic_living_arrangement/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) so you get the full effect.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: after coming back from the holidays, my roommate announced his long distance girlfriend was pregnant and would be moving in. she keeps to herself and doesn’t help out with chores, other than putting her dishes in the dish washer. we haven’t had many issues until utilities came due on the 15th. i charged them for 2/3 assuming that’s how we’d be paying bills now. i was wrong. the gf questioned why i was charging them more since she didn’t have a job. thankfully, the bf paid up after i pressed the issue. fast forward to now, we have rent due tomorrow and i had hoped they would’ve offered up some way to split it by now. they haven’t. i don’t want to be an asshole, but i also don’t see why the gf should get to live here for free. for context it’s a 3 bedroom place that my roommate and i had split, the third room was empty but now they store their stuff in it. rent is $1600 so i was thinking about asking for $1000 from them, so they’d each pay $500 while i pay $600. wibta if i recommended this to them?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
after coming back from the holidays, my roommate announced his long distance girlfriend was pregnant and would be moving in. she keeps to herself and doesn’t help out with chores, other than putting her dishes in the dish washer. we haven’t had many issues until utilities came due on the 15th. i charged them for 2/3 assuming that’s how we’d be paying bills now. i was wrong. the gf questioned why i was charging them more since she didn’t have a job. thankfully, the bf paid up after i pressed the issue. fast forward to now, we have rent due tomorrow and i had hoped they would’ve offered up some way to split it by now. they haven’t. i don’t want to be an asshole, but i also don’t see why the gf should get to live here for free. for context it’s a 3 bedroom place that my roommate and i had split, the third room was empty but now they store their stuff in it. rent is $1600 so i was thinking about asking for $1000 from them, so they’d each pay $500 while i pay $600. wibta if i recommended this to them? [/INST] nta. also reevaluate your living situation . would you be comfortable with sharing an apartment with a newborn? if this isn’t what you signed up for, be honest with them and either ask them to move or search for a new place to move to. good luck. </s>
|
AITA for talking to the manager about what my coworker did?
|
i know the title sounds strange, but i'll explain.
i 17f work as a dishwasher in a bar/restaurant in the center of my town. i have worked here three weeks, and it is my first job.
to be honest, i was welcomed here every second. all coworkers help each other of they need help and act as a group. we are thirteen workers more or less, but one stands out for being the most hated.
charles is 40m. he is the definition of a creep. he shoves around nudes of women as if they were prizes and one day he posted a video on facebook of himself masturbating.
the thing is he is mentally disabled, and takes a lot of pills, has been working since he was 16 as a waiter, and although he makes a lot of mistakes i don't blame him.
the thing is he thinks himself as a womanizer, and asks all women out for a date, which is creepy itself because when i say all women i say all.
the problem came when he, a man who could be my father, asked me out, a teen, still a minor. i told the manager 32m, and told him to tell charles that i am still a freaking minor, and to leave me alone.
the manager screamed at charles when i wasn't there. charles was so scared that he apologised later.
i told my parents to. they told me that if he harasses me they will personally speak with him.
mother in secret told me that if that man spoke to me again, she would break his legs, and that i did good by telling the manager.
whereas my father started yelling at me that i shouldn't have done that, and that now charles would hate me forever, and make my life a living hell, because i started this rift.
so, aita?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oppxet/aita_for_talking_to_the_manager_about_what_my/
|
2021-07-22 23:34:04
|
nta. put creeps in their place and don’t listen to your dad.
|
nta
it's great that your manager has your back. mentally ill people are still accountable for their actions.
your father's assertions are confusing. you've already identified charles as a creep, so why would you care if he hated you? if charles makes your life a "living hell", that's retaliation - and the manager should step in to stop that as well. you're entitled to work in a peaceful environment same as anybody else; it doesn't matter if you're new or not.
|
nta someone should have said something to management long before now. that dude is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
also, what's with your dad being okay with his minor daughter being hit on by a creeper more than twice her age? he sounds like a real piece of work.
|
how dare you report a coworker that was harassing you……
charles is somewhat not the asshole as he feels bad for what he did and is suffering from mental illness, still doesn’t make it okay.
you aren’t the asshole because that’s what managers are there for, to make sure the employees are in a safe environment.
as for you dad, big time asshole.
|
nta. mentally disabled people should not get a pass, if he is capable of having a job than he should understand right from wrong. you wouldn’t do him any favors by letting him get away with his behavior. mentally disabled people are people, don’t baby him.
|
nta. does your father happen to be sexist? you do not have to tolerate harassment to keep the peace among co workers. don't ever tolerate being harassed or allowing someone to be harassed to keep from being a target. you did the right thing.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i know the title sounds strange, but i'll explain. i 17f work as a dishwasher in a bar/restaurant in the center of my town. i have worked here three weeks, and it is my first job. to be honest, i was welcomed here every second. all coworkers help each other of they need help and act as a group. we are thirteen workers more or less, but one stands out for being the most hated. charles is 40m. he is the definition of a creep. he shoves around nudes of women as if they were prizes and one day he posted a video on facebook of himself masturbating. the thing is he is mentally disabled, and takes a lot of pills, has been working since he was 16 as a waiter, and although he makes a lot of mistakes i don't blame him. the thing is he thinks himself as a womanizer, and asks all women out for a date, which is creepy itself because when i say all women i say all. the problem came when he, a man who could be my father, asked me out, a teen, still a minor. i told the manager 32m, and told him to tell charles that i am still a freaking minor, and to leave me alone. the manager screamed at charles when i wasn't there. charles was so scared that he apologised later. i told my parents to. they told me that if he harasses me they will personally speak with him. mother in secret told me that if that man spoke to me again, she would break his legs, and that i did good by telling the manager. whereas my father started yelling at me that i shouldn't have done that, and that now charles would hate me forever, and make my life a living hell, because i started this rift. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i know the title sounds strange, but i'll explain. i 17f work as a dishwasher in a bar/restaurant in the center of my town. i have worked here three weeks, and it is my first job. to be honest, i was welcomed here every second. all coworkers help each other of they need help and act as a group. we are thirteen workers more or less, but one stands out for being the most hated. charles is 40m. he is the definition of a creep. he shoves around nudes of women as if they were prizes and one day he posted a video on facebook of himself masturbating. the thing is he is mentally disabled, and takes a lot of pills, has been working since he was 16 as a waiter, and although he makes a lot of mistakes i don't blame him. the thing is he thinks himself as a womanizer, and asks all women out for a date, which is creepy itself because when i say all women i say all. the problem came when he, a man who could be my father, asked me out, a teen, still a minor. i told the manager 32m, and told him to tell charles that i am still a freaking minor, and to leave me alone. the manager screamed at charles when i wasn't there. charles was so scared that he apologised later. i told my parents to. they told me that if he harasses me they will personally speak with him. mother in secret told me that if that man spoke to me again, she would break his legs, and that i did good by telling the manager. whereas my father started yelling at me that i shouldn't have done that, and that now charles would hate me forever, and make my life a living hell, because i started this rift. so, aita? [/INST] nta. put creeps in their place and don’t listen to your dad. </s>
|
WIBTA for cutting of a friend who would give out my new adress to my stalking mom to be "spared" from her?
|
prequel: my mom is mentally ill. thats not her fault, not the worlds fault and definetly not mine. i noticed tho that she ( her whole behaviour, demeanor and insane beliefs) drags me down so i cut her off from my life like 4-5 years ago. i was moving around trying to find a profession, or grade i could archieve. when i tried to study programming i moved in with a friend. also, its well-known around my friend group that my mom is insane as i dont really feel like i should be ashamed about it. my mom found out our adress eventually and started to show up like once or twice a month for 15 mins to half an hour leaving behind a creepy altar and "gifts". these times have been very straining on me. i had to get a new number as well since my grandmother and mother harassed me on my old one constantly.
where am i now? i moved to another city after failing to be a programmer, to start becoming a teacher. i moved into a cheap students dorm and currently am happy to start classes like tommorow. yai me. today i got a call from my old roommate tho sounding rather disgruntled ( understandably) because my mother showed up and woke him up while hes recovering from a cold and apperently took photos from his house. he told me to do something to which i replied i can't. i can't control her. i advised him to call the police. not pleased with my answer he hung up on me to write me a message around 15 mins later telling me that she's my problem, not his and that i shouldnt try to make it his.
im not trying to do that. i can't control my mother.
he further explained that if the police doesnt help he will give her my new adress which is a "fair deal" to him since its again not his problem.
while i'm annoyed and very angry that my mother is such a horrible person i was quite aggravated. it felt like he was giving me the blame for having a mentally ill mother and at the same time it looks to me like he's immediatly gonna sell me out with my sensitive information.
well truth to be told. i am not that mad after a bit thinking because i don't want him to be harassed. so i told him: we could take his fair deal.i told him that it feels like to me he's blaming me for behaviours of my mother i can't control and that it aggravates me. i told him we take his deal and then i will cut off contact with him. while i don't want him to be harassed i don't think giving the crazy person the adress of your friend is the right way to handle this. i don't know how to handle this but calling the police. i've talk to multiple government institutions and the police before but its very hard to act on crazy people in my land. so yeah if he doesn't know any better he can sell me out to her but i want nothing to do with him anymore?
so guys wibta?
in my eyes there are no assholes here besides my mother but maybe the way i react is too harsh?
&#x200b;
little
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhb7vf/wibta_for_cutting_of_a_friend_who_would_give_out/
|
2019-10-13 14:25:07
|
nah he should give her some fake address of a big ass apartment building
|
this ones kinda weird but i'll go nta. you're friend however is. hes the ah for threatening to give her your new address when it's obvious if you hadn't given it to her yourself, you dont want her to know it. that "deal" is pretty shitty also, especially since it sounds like he actively let her into the home to take things. if he knows the situation you're in with your mother and he still gives out your address hes not exactly a friend imo.
|
nah. he has a right to be left alone, and so do you. but you can't really blame the guy for "fixing" a problem that is not really his.
maybe on the long run, you can get your mom hospitalized or something.
|
nta he could easily call the police but he won't for whatever reason maybe he has something to hide, but it's not your fault the way your mum and your so called friend is throwing you under the bus
|
you are making your problem his problem instead, this is super selfish yta
|
just put yourself in his shoes for one second. a crazy woman is badgering him instead of you, and you could easily stop it but choose to allow him to deal with it instead. it’s not your fault your mom is crazy, but it’s your mom not his. this is in no way his responsibility. what your saying is he should have to deal with it because you don’t want to.
|
i don't feel that ur friend is wrong, he has said that if the police r unable to deal with her then he will do whats best for him, if ur mom isn't ur problem then why is she his?
|
absolutely yta! the fact that he hasnt already given out your address means he is trying to be a good friend, but you are sitting back and expecting him to be your shield indefinitely. ultimately, he is being harased and you aren't doing anything to help, that makes you a shitty friend.
sure, maybe you don't know how to make her stop, but you can't wash your hands of the situation and expect someone else to fight your battles for you. if you don't do anything to alleviate the problem and actively develop a solution that works for you both, then he should be happy to cut you out of his life, not the other way around.
| null | null |
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
YTA
| null | null |
YTA
| null | null | 0.590164 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: prequel: my mom is mentally ill. thats not her fault, not the worlds fault and definetly not mine. i noticed tho that she ( her whole behaviour, demeanor and insane beliefs) drags me down so i cut her off from my life like 4-5 years ago. i was moving around trying to find a profession, or grade i could archieve. when i tried to study programming i moved in with a friend. also, its well-known around my friend group that my mom is insane as i dont really feel like i should be ashamed about it. my mom found out our adress eventually and started to show up like once or twice a month for 15 mins to half an hour leaving behind a creepy altar and "gifts". these times have been very straining on me. i had to get a new number as well since my grandmother and mother harassed me on my old one constantly. where am i now? i moved to another city after failing to be a programmer, to start becoming a teacher. i moved into a cheap students dorm and currently am happy to start classes like tommorow. yai me. today i got a call from my old roommate tho sounding rather disgruntled ( understandably) because my mother showed up and woke him up while hes recovering from a cold and apperently took photos from his house. he told me to do something to which i replied i can't. i can't control her. i advised him to call the police. not pleased with my answer he hung up on me to write me a message around 15 mins later telling me that she's my problem, not his and that i shouldnt try to make it his. im not trying to do that. i can't control my mother. he further explained that if the police doesnt help he will give her my new adress which is a "fair deal" to him since its again not his problem. while i'm annoyed and very angry that my mother is such a horrible person i was quite aggravated. it felt like he was giving me the blame for having a mentally ill mother and at the same time it looks to me like he's immediatly gonna sell me out with my sensitive information. well truth to be told. i am not that mad after a bit thinking because i don't want him to be harassed. so i told him: we could take his fair deal.i told him that it feels like to me he's blaming me for behaviours of my mother i can't control and that it aggravates me. i told him we take his deal and then i will cut off contact with him. while i don't want him to be harassed i don't think giving the crazy person the adress of your friend is the right way to handle this. i don't know how to handle this but calling the police. i've talk to multiple government institutions and the police before but its very hard to act on crazy people in my land. so yeah if he doesn't know any better he can sell me out to her but i want nothing to do with him anymore? so guys wibta? in my eyes there are no assholes here besides my mother but maybe the way i react is too harsh? &#x200b; little
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
prequel: my mom is mentally ill. thats not her fault, not the worlds fault and definetly not mine. i noticed tho that she ( her whole behaviour, demeanor and insane beliefs) drags me down so i cut her off from my life like 4-5 years ago. i was moving around trying to find a profession, or grade i could archieve. when i tried to study programming i moved in with a friend. also, its well-known around my friend group that my mom is insane as i dont really feel like i should be ashamed about it. my mom found out our adress eventually and started to show up like once or twice a month for 15 mins to half an hour leaving behind a creepy altar and "gifts". these times have been very straining on me. i had to get a new number as well since my grandmother and mother harassed me on my old one constantly. where am i now? i moved to another city after failing to be a programmer, to start becoming a teacher. i moved into a cheap students dorm and currently am happy to start classes like tommorow. yai me. today i got a call from my old roommate tho sounding rather disgruntled ( understandably) because my mother showed up and woke him up while hes recovering from a cold and apperently took photos from his house. he told me to do something to which i replied i can't. i can't control her. i advised him to call the police. not pleased with my answer he hung up on me to write me a message around 15 mins later telling me that she's my problem, not his and that i shouldnt try to make it his. im not trying to do that. i can't control my mother. he further explained that if the police doesnt help he will give her my new adress which is a "fair deal" to him since its again not his problem. while i'm annoyed and very angry that my mother is such a horrible person i was quite aggravated. it felt like he was giving me the blame for having a mentally ill mother and at the same time it looks to me like he's immediatly gonna sell me out with my sensitive information. well truth to be told. i am not that mad after a bit thinking because i don't want him to be harassed. so i told him: we could take his fair deal.i told him that it feels like to me he's blaming me for behaviours of my mother i can't control and that it aggravates me. i told him we take his deal and then i will cut off contact with him. while i don't want him to be harassed i don't think giving the crazy person the adress of your friend is the right way to handle this. i don't know how to handle this but calling the police. i've talk to multiple government institutions and the police before but its very hard to act on crazy people in my land. so yeah if he doesn't know any better he can sell me out to her but i want nothing to do with him anymore? so guys wibta? in my eyes there are no assholes here besides my mother but maybe the way i react is too harsh? &#x200b; little [/INST] nah he should give her some fake address of a big ass apartment building </s>
|
WIBTA if I decided to start enforcing a parenting agreement after 8 years?
|
i (36f) have a 13yo child with ex (35m), we were never married. we split when i was 6 months pregnant with dd. he was in and out of our lives for the first 4 years with at least a 2 year period where he was nc. i met and married my dh during that time as well. ex sued me for custody the week i got married. we all ended up agreeing that a long drawn out court case was not in the best interest of dd so we opted to create a parenting agreement lining out custody, visitation and child support terms. we did so through our respective attorneys and a judge signed off on it and filed it with the state. it went into effect right after she turned 5. one of the stipulated terms was that dh and i provided her medical, vision and dental insurance but ex was supposed to pay half of anything insurance didn't cover. well i've never asked for half of anything as she's never needed any major medical procedures or expensive treatments for anything. until now. she's got to have some major dental (orthodontic) work done and after insurance pays we are still left with $4700 to pay. i feel guilty asking ex to cover half because he is going through a divorce and is having to start paying child support for his other kid now. my dh wants me to talk to him about it when we meet up for his next visit with dd. wibta if i asked him to help with pay for dd's brace
update 11/21
meet with ex today and it went well. he agreed to pay his half. he only asked if we could talk again in a few days to sort out the particulars. he actually said that he was surprised i felt bad asking since it's his daughter too.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ywyzny/wibta_if_i_decided_to_start_enforcing_a_parenting/
|
2022-11-16 16:55:09
|
nah- at least not yet. you need to give him his part of the bill and ask him to honor the agreement. you do also have some ability to be flexible with timing on when he pays you, but you should preserve your rights and set appropriate precedents, especially since this is the first instance. if he balks just say- hey, i can be flexible and let you make payments or whatever, but i'm not willing to set a precedent where we aren't honoring our agreement. i do understand about your other family situations, but i can't be accountable to that at the expense of my child and family, flexibility with timing is what's on offer here.
|
nta. what the hell? why would you feel guilty. if he has to pay he has to pay.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. this isn’t about you or your ex. it’s about your dd. she has medical needs that both of you are responsible for 50-50. give him a copy of the bill and ask for the money. you don’t need to give any explanation.
|
nta thats called responsibility
|
nta
why do you feel bad?
this child is his responsibility.
he signed off on an agreement and needs to honor the agreement.
they’re lucky this is the only time you’ve had to call upon that part of the agreement.
|
nta you're just asking him to do what he's supposed to be doing already.
|
nta. this one is hard and fast easy. op take the emotional side out of the equation and simply treat the custody agreement as a business agreement (yes, i know this sounds bad). ex made an agreement and signed a contract and should be held to that contract. plain and simple.
|
nta. this is his child, he can help to financially support her. his divorce/other child support is irrelevant to you/your daughter/this issue. he is the one who decided to have a second child. if he cannot afford it then that is on him.
| null |
NAH
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (36f) have a 13yo child with ex (35m), we were never married. we split when i was 6 months pregnant with dd. he was in and out of our lives for the first 4 years with at least a 2 year period where he was nc. i met and married my dh during that time as well. ex sued me for custody the week i got married. we all ended up agreeing that a long drawn out court case was not in the best interest of dd so we opted to create a parenting agreement lining out custody, visitation and child support terms. we did so through our respective attorneys and a judge signed off on it and filed it with the state. it went into effect right after she turned 5. one of the stipulated terms was that dh and i provided her medical, vision and dental insurance but ex was supposed to pay half of anything insurance didn't cover. well i've never asked for half of anything as she's never needed any major medical procedures or expensive treatments for anything. until now. she's got to have some major dental (orthodontic) work done and after insurance pays we are still left with $4700 to pay. i feel guilty asking ex to cover half because he is going through a divorce and is having to start paying child support for his other kid now. my dh wants me to talk to him about it when we meet up for his next visit with dd. wibta if i asked him to help with pay for dd's brace update 11/21 meet with ex today and it went well. he agreed to pay his half. he only asked if we could talk again in a few days to sort out the particulars. he actually said that he was surprised i felt bad asking since it's his daughter too.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (36f) have a 13yo child with ex (35m), we were never married. we split when i was 6 months pregnant with dd. he was in and out of our lives for the first 4 years with at least a 2 year period where he was nc. i met and married my dh during that time as well. ex sued me for custody the week i got married. we all ended up agreeing that a long drawn out court case was not in the best interest of dd so we opted to create a parenting agreement lining out custody, visitation and child support terms. we did so through our respective attorneys and a judge signed off on it and filed it with the state. it went into effect right after she turned 5. one of the stipulated terms was that dh and i provided her medical, vision and dental insurance but ex was supposed to pay half of anything insurance didn't cover. well i've never asked for half of anything as she's never needed any major medical procedures or expensive treatments for anything. until now. she's got to have some major dental (orthodontic) work done and after insurance pays we are still left with $4700 to pay. i feel guilty asking ex to cover half because he is going through a divorce and is having to start paying child support for his other kid now. my dh wants me to talk to him about it when we meet up for his next visit with dd. wibta if i asked him to help with pay for dd's brace update 11/21 meet with ex today and it went well. he agreed to pay his half. he only asked if we could talk again in a few days to sort out the particulars. he actually said that he was surprised i felt bad asking since it's his daughter too. [/INST] nah- at least not yet. you need to give him his part of the bill and ask him to honor the agreement. you do also have some ability to be flexible with timing on when he pays you, but you should preserve your rights and set appropriate precedents, especially since this is the first instance. if he balks just say- hey, i can be flexible and let you make payments or whatever, but i'm not willing to set a precedent where we aren't honoring our agreement. i do understand about your other family situations, but i can't be accountable to that at the expense of my child and family, flexibility with timing is what's on offer here. </s>
|
AITA for turning down a shift thus resulting in my friend having to work New Year’s Eve?
|
3 days ago my boss came and asked me if i could work on new year’s eve, tuesday’s and wednesday’s are my days off and i said that i couldn’t that day, i’m a part time worker, my friend who normally has 2 shifts a week then got scheduled to work on tuesday and he is mad at me for it and so are a few others. starting thursday i have 5 days straight of working and prior to this i had 4 days straight of working. if i took the shift today i would have 1 day off in between. aita?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ei86qy/aita_for_turning_down_a_shift_thus_resulting_in/
|
2019-12-31 20:15:13
|
nta. it's your life. not your responsibility to cover for other people.
|
nta.
why are people mad at you and why do people think you don’t deserve the day off as much as the other person?
|
nta
you didn't schedule them to work, your boss did. plus these are already your days off, so why would you work on your days off?
you aren't the ah, your friends are a bit because they are holding you responsible for you boss scheduling your friend, does that even make any sense to you?
|
nta. if you can’t work that day you can’t work. even if you just didn’t want to that’s a valid reason to say no. how were you supposed to know your friend was going to be forced to work nye instead?
you would have been the asshole if you promised your friend or owed them a favor or something and said you would work that day and then didn’t. it sucks for your friend and coworkers but you didn’t make any kind of deal.
don’t feel bad, i worked retail and believe me i learned early on it’s every man for himself. no one was ever willing to help me out when i needed a break, don’t make the mistake of thinking they wouldn’t have made you work nye instead of them if they had the chance.
|
nta - you can’t control who or when the boss schedules people.
|
nta. nye isn't really a holiday, so.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: 3 days ago my boss came and asked me if i could work on new year’s eve, tuesday’s and wednesday’s are my days off and i said that i couldn’t that day, i’m a part time worker, my friend who normally has 2 shifts a week then got scheduled to work on tuesday and he is mad at me for it and so are a few others. starting thursday i have 5 days straight of working and prior to this i had 4 days straight of working. if i took the shift today i would have 1 day off in between. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
3 days ago my boss came and asked me if i could work on new year’s eve, tuesday’s and wednesday’s are my days off and i said that i couldn’t that day, i’m a part time worker, my friend who normally has 2 shifts a week then got scheduled to work on tuesday and he is mad at me for it and so are a few others. starting thursday i have 5 days straight of working and prior to this i had 4 days straight of working. if i took the shift today i would have 1 day off in between. aita? [/INST] nta. it's your life. not your responsibility to cover for other people. </s>
|
WIBTA for telling my roommate they can't have their girlfriend over.
|
okay so im a collage student and the beginning of this year i moved into an apartment with a friend from campus. (they're non binary and poly). they have ocd and struggle with anxiety so generally i do as much as i can to make them feel comfortable.
since we moved in they've had their girlfriend visit multiple times sometimes when i'm not even there and most of the times without even asking me if they can. they also had their boyfriend move into the apartment even though i wasn't completely comfortable with it.
last week for the first time i moved in i had a old highschool friend visit the apartment, i gave notice to my roommate and everything, my friend smokes and drinks but he tried to be as respectful as possible only drinking one beer and smoking outside on the balcony. after the visit my roommate gave me a bunch of strict rules, one of which is that i'm not allowed to have visitors over while they're not there and that visitors can't smoke or drink. the problem is all my friends from highschool smoke or drink.
will i be the asshole for telling them that they're not allowed to have their girlfriend over when i'm not there and that i have to be notified when the girlfriend visits, as previously she just came and went whenever she wanted.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/him3fe/wibta_for_telling_my_roommate_they_cant_have/
|
2020-06-30 12:06:29
|
nta. the apartment belongs to both of you and you have just as much of a right to make rules as your roommate does. when i lived in a communal living situation, we actually sat down and made a list of rules that were important to the both of us. it was really helpful getting it down on paper so no one could say they didn't know. one more thing, if your roomie's boyfriend is living there, he should be paying part of the rent. (but don't be afraid to bring that up to roomie if you don't want him there; rent or no)
|
nta, but i would sooner just say, “lol, no,” rather than make similar demands back. you pay your rent just like your roommate and they have no grounds to tell you that you can’t have friends over or drink/smoke in your own home. it’s ridiculous lol
|
nta— so they gave you a ton of rules about having people over but these are rules they break all the time themselves? and boyfriend moved in completely? you’re being taken advantage of and this isn’t fair. if you have a third roommate, you pay less rent. and if there are rules for visitors, you both have to follow them.
|
esh most of the boundaries you’re trying to place on each other should have been discussed prior to moving in together. neither of you can now unilaterally start imposing restrictions. other than the smoking issue, the rest of this is unreasonable.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0.091339 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay so im a collage student and the beginning of this year i moved into an apartment with a friend from campus. (they're non binary and poly). they have ocd and struggle with anxiety so generally i do as much as i can to make them feel comfortable. since we moved in they've had their girlfriend visit multiple times sometimes when i'm not even there and most of the times without even asking me if they can. they also had their boyfriend move into the apartment even though i wasn't completely comfortable with it. last week for the first time i moved in i had a old highschool friend visit the apartment, i gave notice to my roommate and everything, my friend smokes and drinks but he tried to be as respectful as possible only drinking one beer and smoking outside on the balcony. after the visit my roommate gave me a bunch of strict rules, one of which is that i'm not allowed to have visitors over while they're not there and that visitors can't smoke or drink. the problem is all my friends from highschool smoke or drink. will i be the asshole for telling them that they're not allowed to have their girlfriend over when i'm not there and that i have to be notified when the girlfriend visits, as previously she just came and went whenever she wanted.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay so im a collage student and the beginning of this year i moved into an apartment with a friend from campus. (they're non binary and poly). they have ocd and struggle with anxiety so generally i do as much as i can to make them feel comfortable. since we moved in they've had their girlfriend visit multiple times sometimes when i'm not even there and most of the times without even asking me if they can. they also had their boyfriend move into the apartment even though i wasn't completely comfortable with it. last week for the first time i moved in i had a old highschool friend visit the apartment, i gave notice to my roommate and everything, my friend smokes and drinks but he tried to be as respectful as possible only drinking one beer and smoking outside on the balcony. after the visit my roommate gave me a bunch of strict rules, one of which is that i'm not allowed to have visitors over while they're not there and that visitors can't smoke or drink. the problem is all my friends from highschool smoke or drink. will i be the asshole for telling them that they're not allowed to have their girlfriend over when i'm not there and that i have to be notified when the girlfriend visits, as previously she just came and went whenever she wanted. [/INST] nta. the apartment belongs to both of you and you have just as much of a right to make rules as your roommate does. when i lived in a communal living situation, we actually sat down and made a list of rules that were important to the both of us. it was really helpful getting it down on paper so no one could say they didn't know. one more thing, if your roomie's boyfriend is living there, he should be paying part of the rent. (but don't be afraid to bring that up to roomie if you don't want him there; rent or no) </s>
|
AITA for relaxing and playing video games on my break?
|
i like to destress from my job by playing video games. i sometimes lose track of time because i have adhd, and i fixate on them for hours.
my girlfriend left to visit her family for christmas and i have been chilling playing video games since the 23rd. she gave me some tasks to complete, but i forgot about them.
my girlfriend came home today, and she’s pissed. she said the apartment was even messier than when she left.
i told her i didn’t have time to clean. i was relaxing too.
she goes off by saying, “so it’s my job to clean because i’m a woman?”
i was like, no, i forgot. i told her because i have adhd and autism, my time moves differently, and she’s being ableist. she got pissed off and told me she was done with me.
what? she said she’s not resigning the lease for 2022, and she’s moving out. she’s sick of me.
my mom thinks my girlfriend should be nicer because she knows i have adhd and autism.
i tried to text my girlfriend that. she texted back that i was no problem anymore, and good luck. maybe next time i should date a maid.
this is so rude and a discredit to my disorders.
i can’t believe she would move out like that and leave me alone and not renew our lease together. i thought she got me. now i’m hurt, thinking maybe i was the asshole all along.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rsfcu2/aita_for_relaxing_and_playing_video_games_on_my/
|
2021-12-30 23:25:35
|
nah buddy, you are absolutely the asshole here. using your “disorders” as an excuse to be a slob is an insult to the autistic and adhd communities.
please, learn to clean or get a cleaning service.
just in case i wasn’t clear, yta.
|
yta… set an alarm if you know you lose track of time. i have adhd too. it’s not an excuse to be a shitty partner. throwing the term ableist at her bc you don’t have any coping mechanisms also makes you an ah.
|
sorry but yta
if you are aware you have adhd and loose track of time you could have set an alarm to remind you to clean before starting to game.
your ex should understand how your disorders effect you but you also have to be aware of how they effect her. it is a two way street.
also, you tried to text her that your mom said she should be nicer to you? seriously?
|
first, you live together. she should not be giving you "tasks to complete." you should be doing your part. you live there, you do half. the fact she has to ask you is enough to be pissed at you. set reminders on your phone. put sticky notes everywhere. it really sounds like you're using disorders as an excuse so you can be out of being wrong. you're in the wrong. set yourself up for success yta.
|
you played video games for what sounds like a week solid, and left a mess for your gf to come home to. short of complete physical incapacitation, there's no real reason that makes this situation fair to your girlfriend and is a ta move.
yes time moves differently in the adhd world. believe me, i know. but there are strategies you can use to help keep you on routine and remember important tasks. from your post, that wasn't on your radar, you just zoned out and gamed.
yta.
|
yta. i am neurodivergent as well and understand that time blindness is very real. you can discuss it when you talk about how it came to be that you messed up, but then it is still on you to fix the problem. so what you needed to do was tell your girlfriend that you were sorry you didn't set reminders on your phone and that you'd get the place cleaned up. then you two could discuss how to be sure housework was equally split and how you could be accountable for your part and what coping skills you need to make that happen.
|
yta, man.
you live there too, that means it's up to both of you to keep the place tidy. your conditions aren't an excuse to treat your girlfriend like your maid.
|
yta...grow up. she aint your mommy.
|
omfg the handle ..... 😬😬😬😬
shouldn't it be *exgirlfriendbeingmean*?
(that's sarcasm, having standards ≠ being "mean")
|
yta because you said “i didn’t have time to clean” when the reality is you had plenty of time, but chose not to clean. i have adhd too and i feel this, and i fall behind on cleaning too, but your girlfriend shouldn’t have to make a list for you to get you to do everything. she’s not ableist for not staying in a relationship with somebody because their symptoms are unmanaged and overwhelming for her. she doesn’t owe you that, and it’s manipulative for you to say she is ableist because she broke up with you. it was rude and disrespectful to your shared home for you to put zero effort into maintaining your shared space.
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i like to destress from my job by playing video games. i sometimes lose track of time because i have adhd, and i fixate on them for hours. my girlfriend left to visit her family for christmas and i have been chilling playing video games since the 23rd. she gave me some tasks to complete, but i forgot about them. my girlfriend came home today, and she’s pissed. she said the apartment was even messier than when she left. i told her i didn’t have time to clean. i was relaxing too. she goes off by saying, “so it’s my job to clean because i’m a woman?” i was like, no, i forgot. i told her because i have adhd and autism, my time moves differently, and she’s being ableist. she got pissed off and told me she was done with me. what? she said she’s not resigning the lease for 2022, and she’s moving out. she’s sick of me. my mom thinks my girlfriend should be nicer because she knows i have adhd and autism. i tried to text my girlfriend that. she texted back that i was no problem anymore, and good luck. maybe next time i should date a maid. this is so rude and a discredit to my disorders. i can’t believe she would move out like that and leave me alone and not renew our lease together. i thought she got me. now i’m hurt, thinking maybe i was the asshole all along.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i like to destress from my job by playing video games. i sometimes lose track of time because i have adhd, and i fixate on them for hours. my girlfriend left to visit her family for christmas and i have been chilling playing video games since the 23rd. she gave me some tasks to complete, but i forgot about them. my girlfriend came home today, and she’s pissed. she said the apartment was even messier than when she left. i told her i didn’t have time to clean. i was relaxing too. she goes off by saying, “so it’s my job to clean because i’m a woman?” i was like, no, i forgot. i told her because i have adhd and autism, my time moves differently, and she’s being ableist. she got pissed off and told me she was done with me. what? she said she’s not resigning the lease for 2022, and she’s moving out. she’s sick of me. my mom thinks my girlfriend should be nicer because she knows i have adhd and autism. i tried to text my girlfriend that. she texted back that i was no problem anymore, and good luck. maybe next time i should date a maid. this is so rude and a discredit to my disorders. i can’t believe she would move out like that and leave me alone and not renew our lease together. i thought she got me. now i’m hurt, thinking maybe i was the asshole all along. [/INST] nah buddy, you are absolutely the asshole here. using your “disorders” as an excuse to be a slob is an insult to the autistic and adhd communities. please, learn to clean or get a cleaning service. just in case i wasn’t clear, yta. </s>
|
AITA for not going to my brothers SECOND birthday party for my divorced parents who can’t get along?
|
every year it’s the same. both my parents insist that since they have been divorced for a decade, they should be able to sit through a dinner together. they insist it’s the other one who isn’t mature enough to combine birthday parties and holidays, so we must do 2 of everything. this becomes problematic because my husbands family also has to do their own, so that’s 3, even four events per birthday and holiday.
this year my husband put his foot down, and my brother agreed. one birthday party, which our families can choose to attend if they wish.
my mom is the one who decides she needs her own party because she just can’t “be in the same room” as my dad.
but not only does she want her own party, she needs us to attend. so i called my brother and asked him what he wants us to do. my brother chose for us to attend the main party.
now my mom is fuming mad and i’m confused. i guess from her perspective we chose my dad? but then again, she’s the one who can’t play nice and attend the party with everyone? i suppose it’s not that big of a deal, going to two dinners. but should we have to?
aita?
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ccy31d/aita_for_not_going_to_my_brothers_second_birthday/
|
2019-07-14 02:57:36
|
nta, but you’re doing it wrong.
you hold one big party and neither parents are invited.
they can throw their own, and invite eachother if they’re going to be such babies.
shit, you could call it the pity party, even.
(you can have that one for free)
|
nta and if you don’t have kids you’d better nip this in the bud before you do.
my husband’s parents are divorced and they pulled this crap. when we had kids i put my foot down so hard. i said to my husband, “you have divorced parents but our children don’t. they will not be subjected to all the bad parts of having divorced parents to appease their grandparents.”
so from then on we did one birthday celebration and one christmas celebration (if we were hosting) and when they realized we were serious they got over themselves.
|
nta. that's ridiculous. they are adults they both need to mature up and just be civil with one another.
|
nta. she can't be an adult about this so you need to set the boundary.
|
yeah nta your mum sounds a bit nuts
|
nta. they’ve been divorced for a decade, she should have been able to get over whatever separated them for one dinner with her family. the only reason she has a second party is because you attend. if you don’t go, she will have to go to your brothers party or just don’t go, it’s her decision.
|
nta
she needs to be an adult and play nice for a day. and if she can’t, don’t come.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: every year it’s the same. both my parents insist that since they have been divorced for a decade, they should be able to sit through a dinner together. they insist it’s the other one who isn’t mature enough to combine birthday parties and holidays, so we must do 2 of everything. this becomes problematic because my husbands family also has to do their own, so that’s 3, even four events per birthday and holiday. this year my husband put his foot down, and my brother agreed. one birthday party, which our families can choose to attend if they wish. my mom is the one who decides she needs her own party because she just can’t “be in the same room” as my dad. but not only does she want her own party, she needs us to attend. so i called my brother and asked him what he wants us to do. my brother chose for us to attend the main party. now my mom is fuming mad and i’m confused. i guess from her perspective we chose my dad? but then again, she’s the one who can’t play nice and attend the party with everyone? i suppose it’s not that big of a deal, going to two dinners. but should we have to? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
every year it’s the same. both my parents insist that since they have been divorced for a decade, they should be able to sit through a dinner together. they insist it’s the other one who isn’t mature enough to combine birthday parties and holidays, so we must do 2 of everything. this becomes problematic because my husbands family also has to do their own, so that’s 3, even four events per birthday and holiday. this year my husband put his foot down, and my brother agreed. one birthday party, which our families can choose to attend if they wish. my mom is the one who decides she needs her own party because she just can’t “be in the same room” as my dad. but not only does she want her own party, she needs us to attend. so i called my brother and asked him what he wants us to do. my brother chose for us to attend the main party. now my mom is fuming mad and i’m confused. i guess from her perspective we chose my dad? but then again, she’s the one who can’t play nice and attend the party with everyone? i suppose it’s not that big of a deal, going to two dinners. but should we have to? aita? [/INST] nta, but you’re doing it wrong. you hold one big party and neither parents are invited. they can throw their own, and invite eachother if they’re going to be such babies. shit, you could call it the pity party, even. (you can have that one for free) </s>
|
AITA if I don’t let my gf explore her bisexuality?
|
gf and i have been together for almost a year. before and during our dating she never mentioned being attracted to women.
last week she told me that she thought maybe she was bisexual and wanted to try out a threesome with another girl. i’m not into the idea at all and told her i really wasn’t comfortable with it. it turned into a fight. she told me it’s every man’s fantasy and really didn’t get why i was uncomfortable. it’s not my fantasy.
last night she brought it up again. now she wants to have a free pass. where she can have sex with a girl without me even being involved. she said i could have a free pass too, but only with guys to “be fair”. this is a bullshit free pass. i’m not attracted to men at all. i told her no and it got tense.
i can understand her wanting to try and see if it’s for her, but it’s just not a fair situation to me. she basically just wants to cheat on me and for it to be ok. it would be fair if my free pass was with a girl. and as ugly as that situation feels i might agree to that.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/avf2g6/aita_if_i_dont_let_my_gf_explore_her_bisexuality/
|
2019-02-27 16:06:00
|
nta
you guys sound really incompatible on a deeply intimate subject.
just give her free pass by breaking up with her. then you can bang women and so can she. win-win.
|
nta, free pass with a gender your not attracted to? that’s just dumb. but free passes aren’t a good idea in my opinion.
|
nta.
a non-monogamous relationship needs to be discussed before getting a year into a relationship, and agreed upon mutually with very clear rules of engagement.
it is unfair to you for your girlfriend to not accept you saying "no" to having sex with people outside the relationship, and it is showing she isn't valuing your opinion.
|
nta. at all
i am bisexual. so is my girlfriend.
here’s the deal, your sexuality is your sexuality. her sexuality is her sexuality.
also in the same way, your boundaries are your boundaries. and her boundaries are her boundaries.
just as you respect her boundaries she needs to respect yours.
my gf wanted a threesome with another guy for a few weeks, but i told her that because i just came out i wasn’t comfortable with it.
but i also held my ground. i told her that if having sex with two guys means more to her than having a real relationship built on live and respect, than she can leave.
she understood me and the straightforward words really put into perspective how stupid people can be when their hormones start raging.
the fact is you sound like a good boyfriend who puts up with a lot.
i’m not saying you should break up with her. (that’s what most of reddit will say)
but i am saying that you both need to have a long serious discussion on each others sexual and relationship boundaries.
|
nta. if your relationship was founded on the premise of monogamy, her asking for permission to cheat and being upset when you relay how uncomfortable with it you are, isn’t okay. if she needs to explore this and you aren’t on board, it’s probably time to end the relationship.
|
nta. dump her. dump her. dump her.
|
nta. your girlfriend is for not either dropping it or splitting for both your sake once you told her no. best part:
> she said i could have a free pass too, but only with guys to “be fair”.
you know why it's bullshit, but take it a step further. ask yourself, why might she have suggested this idiotic idea? there are two potential reasons:
1) she's so very, very stupid that she legitimately finds this to be a fair exchange, even knowing you aren't attracted to men.
2) she knows it isn't a fair exchange and wants to have a free pass without giving you one.
is either of those things acceptable to you?
|
nta. you don't have to agree to be cheated on. if she wants to explore her sexuality, she can be free to do so outside the confines of your relationship.
|
nta. bisexuality doesn't mean you're promiscuous *or* that you need to "explore" your bisexuality (although some people feel that need). when you're in a relationship, what matters is the relationship you're in, not the ones you could be a part of.
i'm a bisexual man in a straight, monogamous relationship, and would never cheat or try and strong-arm my girlfriend into an arrangement like this that she would never want.
also smh at her idea of being "fair." she's just trying to fuck around without you getting to have sex with another girl. 10 bucks says the threesome she suggested was meant for her to fool around with the other girl while you watch.
|
nta, you aren’t comfortable with a threesome (neither am i) yet she tried to push you into one and now she wants to cheat on you, honestly i have no clue what screwed up shit is going through her head, she is in a relationship and that means you don’t do any of this. good luck and definitely nta
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: gf and i have been together for almost a year. before and during our dating she never mentioned being attracted to women. last week she told me that she thought maybe she was bisexual and wanted to try out a threesome with another girl. i’m not into the idea at all and told her i really wasn’t comfortable with it. it turned into a fight. she told me it’s every man’s fantasy and really didn’t get why i was uncomfortable. it’s not my fantasy. last night she brought it up again. now she wants to have a free pass. where she can have sex with a girl without me even being involved. she said i could have a free pass too, but only with guys to “be fair”. this is a bullshit free pass. i’m not attracted to men at all. i told her no and it got tense. i can understand her wanting to try and see if it’s for her, but it’s just not a fair situation to me. she basically just wants to cheat on me and for it to be ok. it would be fair if my free pass was with a girl. and as ugly as that situation feels i might agree to that.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
gf and i have been together for almost a year. before and during our dating she never mentioned being attracted to women. last week she told me that she thought maybe she was bisexual and wanted to try out a threesome with another girl. i’m not into the idea at all and told her i really wasn’t comfortable with it. it turned into a fight. she told me it’s every man’s fantasy and really didn’t get why i was uncomfortable. it’s not my fantasy. last night she brought it up again. now she wants to have a free pass. where she can have sex with a girl without me even being involved. she said i could have a free pass too, but only with guys to “be fair”. this is a bullshit free pass. i’m not attracted to men at all. i told her no and it got tense. i can understand her wanting to try and see if it’s for her, but it’s just not a fair situation to me. she basically just wants to cheat on me and for it to be ok. it would be fair if my free pass was with a girl. and as ugly as that situation feels i might agree to that. [/INST] nta you guys sound really incompatible on a deeply intimate subject. just give her free pass by breaking up with her. then you can bang women and so can she. win-win. </s>
|
AITA for not forgiving my ex-bestfriend for what she put me through when she was in a toxic relationship?
|
i (25f) and "ava" (25f) met about 7 years ago in our freshman year of college. we were fast friends, and moved into a 2bdr university apartment our 2nd year. at the start of our 3rd year, she began dating "tom" (25?m). as soon as they started dating he was always there, regardless of who we were with. i just figured she was excited about her first relationship and wanted to bring him everywhere.
once i made an offhand joke about how she was never free to hang out alone anymore, and she snapped that i would understand if i didn’t sleep around so much. ava also started to make mean comments about how i dressed, or how often i went out. tom started belittling me in our gc, and ava would join in. i stopped leaving my room whenever he was there. which was always. he had moved in. neither of them told me or talked to me about it.
i also had stopped inviting her out - waiting for her to initiate. i realized that i couldn’t remember one time that *she* asked *me* to hang out since they started dating and she would almost always cancel plans i made.
she stopped being vegan, only watched shows he liked, did his laundry and cooked their meals. her own hobbies and interests evaporated. i just sat by while she lost everything in her life but him. i wanted to do something, talk to her about it, but he was *always there*, and i was scared.
i accidentally heard him yelling about dinner not being ready. ava sounded on the brink of tears - a group project meeting had gone long. he said some really cruel things, about how he’s been working hard all day, what’s he supposed to eat now, he doesn’t believe her meeting went over because it was *just* an art class. i was shocked. he had said mean things to me before, but i had never seen or heard him do anything other than dote on her.
my grades were suffering and i was losing a lot of weight since i never risked cooking. it was 2 months until graduation, and my gf asked me to move in with her. i did.
that was over 3 years ago. a few months ago, ava posted that she and tom broke up. just last week, she reached out to me and asked if we could talk. i said yes, and she sent me a novel about how she feels so alone and realized how toxic her relationship was. she wants to be friends again and she can forgive me for abandoning her. i said i don’t think i can be friends again. she has since sent me many angry texts, saying i was cruel to blame her for anything that happened. i think she’s right, but i don’t think i can let go.
i think i am ta for pushing her away to protect my own feelings when she’s so isolated. i should have done something, but i hid and ran away the first chance i got. my mom (who was in an emotionally and financially toxic relationship with my ex-stepfather) says that i am unempathetic, selfish, and a terrible friend. my gf says i am not obligated to forgive ava, that i also got hurt by her. idk.
| 155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xaewuc/aita_for_not_forgiving_my_exbestfriend_for_what/
|
2022-09-10 03:33:21
|
nta
being a victim doesn’t give u an excuse or any more of a right to hurt others period. you do not have to let her back into ur life. you can forgive someone from a distance and that’s ok.
the fact that she is mad at u for not letting her actions slide cuz she willing to apologize for being mean (as she should) says alot about her immaturity.
also ur mom… if she cares so damn much ask her to pay for ur ex best friends therapy since her mental health matters so much to her (but urs).
|
the fact that she forgave you for abandoning her when you
1. didn't. you ran away from a toxic environment for your own safety and mental health. a toxic environment she put you in (unintentionally) with her choice in partner
2. didn't bring it up, she put it out there like she was being magnanimous, and that's very manipulative of her,
says that she's got some growing up to do. when she apologizes for the trauma she caused you, or at least shows some semblance of remorse for how the toxic relationship probably filled with abuse also ruined her friendship with you, and caused her to treat you badly, then consider taking her back.
but in reality you're probably much better off just letting go of your anger, but not taking her back
nta
|
nta i was firmly nah until the message *forgiving you* for *abandoning* her. she moved her boyfriend into your home without asking and you spent months unable to *eat* because going into your own kitchen meant being abused by both of them. you don't owe her an apology, and your mom is being incredibly shitty projecting her trauma onto you. no one deserves abuse, and that includes you. given her behavior, i'd be wary that she wouldn't just start scapegoating and emotionally abusing you to sooth her own trauma and resentment if you restarted this friendship.
|
nta.
your first priority is to keep yourself physically and mentally safe, then and now. you couldn't have done anything because she wasn't ready to listen and hear what you would have said at the time.
i used to have a friend in an extremely toxic relationship. we talked a lot. i offered for her to move in with me, room and board for free until she could get back on her feet, but she refused. meanwhile, their toxicity was triggering me so i had to end the friendship. it didn't feel good, but i had to take care of me.
please don't forget that when her ex started to belittle and be mean to you, she did the same. if anything, she threw away your friendship when she sided with him. you didn't abandon her - don't let anyone tell you that. the environment was toxic; she wouldn't have left. you needed to protect you.
you are not unempathetic, selfish or terrible. i wonder if your mom's toxic relationship affected you.
|
sounds like she hasn’t fully processed what happened to her. yes, she was victimized, but she needs to apologize for, however innocently, she brought him into your life. i’m sorry you went through this but i’m impressed by your ability to get out of there. don’t feel bad, you sensed danger and could never have made her see it until she was ready. your mother is wrong. forgive your ex-bf when you’re ready, but no, don’t yet let her back into your life; she’s not ready. nta and good luck
|
nta. i do relate to this in a lot of ways. in my youth, i was a toxic people magnet.
that said, i don't understand any nah ratings. ava turned their apartment into a prison. yes, she was being abused, but she bullied op as well. just because someone has been abused doesn't mean they can't be an abuser. ava's abuse of op was 100% on ava, not the bf.
op should prioritize herself. ava made it clear that she didn't want op interfering in her relationship. only now that it's over does she want to be friends again. what happens when the next toxic ah shows up?
if ava and op were dating/married, this board would be filled with break up and divorce suggestions.
|
nta
she made her own choices, and chose her abusive bf over you. for a long time. you left for your own wellbeing.
it says a lot that she's willington "forgive you for abandoning her" like she was a dog you abandoned in the park, but she has nothing to apologise for after abusing and abandoning you. she hasn't changed, she just wants someone to blame for her stupidity.
|
nta
wow, ava is a bitch. she *"forgives you for leaving"*?
then she curses you, 3 years later, for not wanting to be her "friend"? block this girl out of your life.
you suffered enough because of her, you'll be stupid if you let this happen again.
info: during college, why didn't you search for different accomodations? if this was a university bedroom, why didn't you report her bf being always there and request a different room? it's a bit late now, but you weren't forced to live with ava. you should have gotten out quicker.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (25f) and "ava" (25f) met about 7 years ago in our freshman year of college. we were fast friends, and moved into a 2bdr university apartment our 2nd year. at the start of our 3rd year, she began dating "tom" (25?m). as soon as they started dating he was always there, regardless of who we were with. i just figured she was excited about her first relationship and wanted to bring him everywhere. once i made an offhand joke about how she was never free to hang out alone anymore, and she snapped that i would understand if i didn’t sleep around so much. ava also started to make mean comments about how i dressed, or how often i went out. tom started belittling me in our gc, and ava would join in. i stopped leaving my room whenever he was there. which was always. he had moved in. neither of them told me or talked to me about it. i also had stopped inviting her out - waiting for her to initiate. i realized that i couldn’t remember one time that *she* asked *me* to hang out since they started dating and she would almost always cancel plans i made. she stopped being vegan, only watched shows he liked, did his laundry and cooked their meals. her own hobbies and interests evaporated. i just sat by while she lost everything in her life but him. i wanted to do something, talk to her about it, but he was *always there*, and i was scared. i accidentally heard him yelling about dinner not being ready. ava sounded on the brink of tears - a group project meeting had gone long. he said some really cruel things, about how he’s been working hard all day, what’s he supposed to eat now, he doesn’t believe her meeting went over because it was *just* an art class. i was shocked. he had said mean things to me before, but i had never seen or heard him do anything other than dote on her. my grades were suffering and i was losing a lot of weight since i never risked cooking. it was 2 months until graduation, and my gf asked me to move in with her. i did. that was over 3 years ago. a few months ago, ava posted that she and tom broke up. just last week, she reached out to me and asked if we could talk. i said yes, and she sent me a novel about how she feels so alone and realized how toxic her relationship was. she wants to be friends again and she can forgive me for abandoning her. i said i don’t think i can be friends again. she has since sent me many angry texts, saying i was cruel to blame her for anything that happened. i think she’s right, but i don’t think i can let go. i think i am ta for pushing her away to protect my own feelings when she’s so isolated. i should have done something, but i hid and ran away the first chance i got. my mom (who was in an emotionally and financially toxic relationship with my ex-stepfather) says that i am unempathetic, selfish, and a terrible friend. my gf says i am not obligated to forgive ava, that i also got hurt by her. idk.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (25f) and "ava" (25f) met about 7 years ago in our freshman year of college. we were fast friends, and moved into a 2bdr university apartment our 2nd year. at the start of our 3rd year, she began dating "tom" (25?m). as soon as they started dating he was always there, regardless of who we were with. i just figured she was excited about her first relationship and wanted to bring him everywhere. once i made an offhand joke about how she was never free to hang out alone anymore, and she snapped that i would understand if i didn’t sleep around so much. ava also started to make mean comments about how i dressed, or how often i went out. tom started belittling me in our gc, and ava would join in. i stopped leaving my room whenever he was there. which was always. he had moved in. neither of them told me or talked to me about it. i also had stopped inviting her out - waiting for her to initiate. i realized that i couldn’t remember one time that *she* asked *me* to hang out since they started dating and she would almost always cancel plans i made. she stopped being vegan, only watched shows he liked, did his laundry and cooked their meals. her own hobbies and interests evaporated. i just sat by while she lost everything in her life but him. i wanted to do something, talk to her about it, but he was *always there*, and i was scared. i accidentally heard him yelling about dinner not being ready. ava sounded on the brink of tears - a group project meeting had gone long. he said some really cruel things, about how he’s been working hard all day, what’s he supposed to eat now, he doesn’t believe her meeting went over because it was *just* an art class. i was shocked. he had said mean things to me before, but i had never seen or heard him do anything other than dote on her. my grades were suffering and i was losing a lot of weight since i never risked cooking. it was 2 months until graduation, and my gf asked me to move in with her. i did. that was over 3 years ago. a few months ago, ava posted that she and tom broke up. just last week, she reached out to me and asked if we could talk. i said yes, and she sent me a novel about how she feels so alone and realized how toxic her relationship was. she wants to be friends again and she can forgive me for abandoning her. i said i don’t think i can be friends again. she has since sent me many angry texts, saying i was cruel to blame her for anything that happened. i think she’s right, but i don’t think i can let go. i think i am ta for pushing her away to protect my own feelings when she’s so isolated. i should have done something, but i hid and ran away the first chance i got. my mom (who was in an emotionally and financially toxic relationship with my ex-stepfather) says that i am unempathetic, selfish, and a terrible friend. my gf says i am not obligated to forgive ava, that i also got hurt by her. idk. [/INST] nta being a victim doesn’t give u an excuse or any more of a right to hurt others period. you do not have to let her back into ur life. you can forgive someone from a distance and that’s ok. the fact that she is mad at u for not letting her actions slide cuz she willing to apologize for being mean (as she should) says alot about her immaturity. also ur mom… if she cares so damn much ask her to pay for ur ex best friends therapy since her mental health matters so much to her (but urs). </s>
|
AITA for calling my older niece “niece”?
|
i’m honestly wondering if i’m ta? my parents had my sister when they were extremely young. they both were 18 when they had her. they basically waited until she was an adult to have me. the thing is, my sister also had a pretty young pregnancy due to an abusive ex. i guess, it runs in the family, lmao.
anyway, this resulted in my niece being a whole 2 weeks older than me. we go to the same school, live in the same street, and have the same last name. for all intents and purposes we have a sibling relationship. she used to make fun of me for some reason when we were younger. she constantly called me uncle every single day. it did slowly fade away, but it was really annoying.
a decade later, now, i’ve decided to get back at her by doing the same thing. whenever we’re at a public outing together; i just casually drop in that she’s my niece. she, unsurprisingly, gets pissed.
i guess it’s because when we’re younger, uncle means an old person and old people are bad, but now you want to be seen as older and more mature. she’s talked to me privately about this, and i will stop soon. she didn’t stop when i asked her to. she still thinks i’m an absolute asshole for some reason.
so, aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iubq34/aita_for_calling_my_older_niece_niece/
|
2020-09-17 03:47:12
|
nta that just sounds like harmless joking. she should lighten up.
|
nta. that’s what she is.
|
you know you are the asshole! of course you are! there is literally no universe in which you are not.
"a decade later, now, i've decided to get back at her..."
dude for real? you're still mad a decade later for some light teasing she did to you as a child, so you're going to go out of your way to embarrass and humiliate her in public after she has told you it makes her uncomfortable and asked you to stop?
yta! seriously, grow up already. she was a child, what's your excuse?
|
info how old was she when she said it?
|
yta for being antagonistic and doing it “to get back at her.” it’s childish to do it to get under her skin. she outgrew it.
|
okay, so n.t. a. for addressing her as your niece in a serious way if that's the kinda thing youd do, but since it's just out of spite and pay back from something that happened as children, yta.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.623283 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i’m honestly wondering if i’m ta? my parents had my sister when they were extremely young. they both were 18 when they had her. they basically waited until she was an adult to have me. the thing is, my sister also had a pretty young pregnancy due to an abusive ex. i guess, it runs in the family, lmao. anyway, this resulted in my niece being a whole 2 weeks older than me. we go to the same school, live in the same street, and have the same last name. for all intents and purposes we have a sibling relationship. she used to make fun of me for some reason when we were younger. she constantly called me uncle every single day. it did slowly fade away, but it was really annoying. a decade later, now, i’ve decided to get back at her by doing the same thing. whenever we’re at a public outing together; i just casually drop in that she’s my niece. she, unsurprisingly, gets pissed. i guess it’s because when we’re younger, uncle means an old person and old people are bad, but now you want to be seen as older and more mature. she’s talked to me privately about this, and i will stop soon. she didn’t stop when i asked her to. she still thinks i’m an absolute asshole for some reason. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i’m honestly wondering if i’m ta? my parents had my sister when they were extremely young. they both were 18 when they had her. they basically waited until she was an adult to have me. the thing is, my sister also had a pretty young pregnancy due to an abusive ex. i guess, it runs in the family, lmao. anyway, this resulted in my niece being a whole 2 weeks older than me. we go to the same school, live in the same street, and have the same last name. for all intents and purposes we have a sibling relationship. she used to make fun of me for some reason when we were younger. she constantly called me uncle every single day. it did slowly fade away, but it was really annoying. a decade later, now, i’ve decided to get back at her by doing the same thing. whenever we’re at a public outing together; i just casually drop in that she’s my niece. she, unsurprisingly, gets pissed. i guess it’s because when we’re younger, uncle means an old person and old people are bad, but now you want to be seen as older and more mature. she’s talked to me privately about this, and i will stop soon. she didn’t stop when i asked her to. she still thinks i’m an absolute asshole for some reason. so, aita? [/INST] nta that just sounds like harmless joking. she should lighten up. </s>
|
AITA for not uninviting a kid from my son's birthday party?
|
my son is homeschooled, and we are part of a handful of homeschooling groups, as well as support groups for my son's disability. my son has several friends across both groups. there are two boys my son is friends with who are not allowed to hang out with each other according to their parents. i have stayed out of this conflict as much as possible and only have limited knowledge of it.
my son hangs out with both boys, separately, fairly often. both are invited to his birthday party (which is in november, but we like to plan stuff in advance). i emailed invites today and got a response from the dad of a kid i'll call adam. we'll call his dad aaron. aaron wanted to know if a kid i'll call bradley was invited.
i said bradley is invited. aaron said adam can't come if bradley is there. i said i was sorry to hear that. aaron told me to uninvite bradley, but i refused because i like bradley, and so does my son. aaron argued that since our sons have the same disability, we should be sticking together, and since adam is closer in age to my son than bradley, he will fit in at the party better.
i think it is rude to uninvite a child i already invited. i think aaron should get over it, honestly. but i am conflicted. i try to stay out of homeschool group drama, but i was aware of the drama and probably should have foreseen this. i also feel bad for adam, who i know will be sad to not attend the party. bradley is more of a social butterfly and has more friends, so i think this party might be more meaningful to adam, although i still believe uninviting bradley would hurt his feelings and maybe make his parents not want to let him hang out with my son anymore.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xr1oov/aita_for_not_uninviting_a_kid_from_my_sons/
|
2022-09-29 07:52:49
|
nta - when someone says “it’s me or them” i usually pick the “them” who hasn’t issued an ultimatum. you don’t need that drama.
|
nta… it’s not your job or place to police interactions of kids that arnt your own. aaron is the asshole for asking you to uninvite a kid. if they want a relationship but can’t be around bradley then adam can come a different day for a play date and say happy birthday then (if you want to offer an alternative, otherwise i’d tell the other dad to deal with it)
|
oh, ew.
nta
not your circus, not your monkeys.
if aaron doesn't want to have adam there if bradley's there, then aaron can keep adam home.
the fact he tried to you both your children's disability to guilt you into it is just the ah icing on the ah cake. that's just gross, and i feel sorry for his kid.
|
nta. your son should be able to invite whoever he wants and if some guests have conflicts with other guests, that is their problem.
but maybe, given you want adam to remain allowed to hang out with your son, you should save a little cake and invite adam over for a "birthday hangout" the day after or something like that.
|
nta. it sounds like you don't know why the two boys aren't allowed to hang out together. it's not clear whether both sets of parents enforce this or it's just the one.
if it's not from bullying or some other behavior that requires decent people to take a side (and of course if they don't tell you anything about why this schism exists), you're doing exactly the right thing. you invite both boys (and it may be appropriate to inform the parents that both boys are invited), and let the parents do what they will do. your decision was to allow both boys to come; they're invited. end of your story. what the parents do after that is entirely on them.
i'm sorry you son and you are in the middle of this.
(if you do know, and it's not awful-kid-behavior-related, which i half-suspect from your "get over it" comment, then perhaps you have decided it isn't something the boys should even be separated over. in that case, really nta. if it's just parent-drama, even more so.)
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son is homeschooled, and we are part of a handful of homeschooling groups, as well as support groups for my son's disability. my son has several friends across both groups. there are two boys my son is friends with who are not allowed to hang out with each other according to their parents. i have stayed out of this conflict as much as possible and only have limited knowledge of it. my son hangs out with both boys, separately, fairly often. both are invited to his birthday party (which is in november, but we like to plan stuff in advance). i emailed invites today and got a response from the dad of a kid i'll call adam. we'll call his dad aaron. aaron wanted to know if a kid i'll call bradley was invited. i said bradley is invited. aaron said adam can't come if bradley is there. i said i was sorry to hear that. aaron told me to uninvite bradley, but i refused because i like bradley, and so does my son. aaron argued that since our sons have the same disability, we should be sticking together, and since adam is closer in age to my son than bradley, he will fit in at the party better. i think it is rude to uninvite a child i already invited. i think aaron should get over it, honestly. but i am conflicted. i try to stay out of homeschool group drama, but i was aware of the drama and probably should have foreseen this. i also feel bad for adam, who i know will be sad to not attend the party. bradley is more of a social butterfly and has more friends, so i think this party might be more meaningful to adam, although i still believe uninviting bradley would hurt his feelings and maybe make his parents not want to let him hang out with my son anymore.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my son is homeschooled, and we are part of a handful of homeschooling groups, as well as support groups for my son's disability. my son has several friends across both groups. there are two boys my son is friends with who are not allowed to hang out with each other according to their parents. i have stayed out of this conflict as much as possible and only have limited knowledge of it. my son hangs out with both boys, separately, fairly often. both are invited to his birthday party (which is in november, but we like to plan stuff in advance). i emailed invites today and got a response from the dad of a kid i'll call adam. we'll call his dad aaron. aaron wanted to know if a kid i'll call bradley was invited. i said bradley is invited. aaron said adam can't come if bradley is there. i said i was sorry to hear that. aaron told me to uninvite bradley, but i refused because i like bradley, and so does my son. aaron argued that since our sons have the same disability, we should be sticking together, and since adam is closer in age to my son than bradley, he will fit in at the party better. i think it is rude to uninvite a child i already invited. i think aaron should get over it, honestly. but i am conflicted. i try to stay out of homeschool group drama, but i was aware of the drama and probably should have foreseen this. i also feel bad for adam, who i know will be sad to not attend the party. bradley is more of a social butterfly and has more friends, so i think this party might be more meaningful to adam, although i still believe uninviting bradley would hurt his feelings and maybe make his parents not want to let him hang out with my son anymore. [/INST] nta - when someone says “it’s me or them” i usually pick the “them” who hasn’t issued an ultimatum. you don’t need that drama. </s>
|
AITA for not giving my mom money?
|
i got my first job when i was 14 (this is legal where i live), we were really struggling then, but as my mom got a better job, she told me to just keep whatever of my own salary wasn't going to living expenses and use it for whatever i'd like. she also said i could quit, but i knew i was still helping and also i just liked having my own money.
i am now almost 17, and i've got a different job, and i've been putting aside my own money like i always have. but recently she asked that i start giving the spare to her, we mix our money for some reason. likely so she can use it on her own if she wants to (she gambles), although she claims it's for emergencies.
anyways, i said no, and she's said that i'm selfish and that i should care that there is money put aside for if we ever need it, and i don't know if this is me being selfish? i don't think it's selfish to want to keep money i worked for, but maybe i should be putting more into us as a family?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lp635o/aita_for_not_giving_my_mom_money/
|
2021-02-21 20:40:06
|
nta
if she has a history of gambling, you need to tread carefully.
keep your money separate and look into moving out once you can legally rent/drive without your parent signing for you.
|
nta. you are very good for saving up on your own. make sure it's in a place your mom cannot reach. gamblers just can't be trusted with money.
|
nta
don't give your mom money, nor access to money. if your mom has a gambling problem, you shouldn't contribute your money to her problems.
|
nta, gambling is a terrible addiction and she will say anything to be able to feed her habit. protect yourself and make sure she doesn’t have access to your savings.
|
nta you are keeping money aside for emergencies. gambling however is not an emergency.
|
nta. you're 16 and you're not responsible for your family's household expenses. the fact that your mom gambles and is now trying to get you to give your earnings to her is worrying. make sure you're keeping your money in a place she can't access it. if you have a joint bank account, see about opening one with just your name so she can't access your funds. maybe your mom just had a bad idea and isn't being or intending to be malicious, but it's still good to protect yourself.
|
info how is she asking for it? if she just saying "give me money"? or is she asking you to put it into an account? or help with certain bills?
|
nta. it's your money and, if she's gambling it, it's safer with you. if there's an emergency and you have the funds and the willingness to help, you can deal with it then. she doesn't need to stockpile your money.
i'd save up and move out asap tbh, she seems pretty deep down the gambling mindset if she's willing to manipulate her own kid
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null | null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i got my first job when i was 14 (this is legal where i live), we were really struggling then, but as my mom got a better job, she told me to just keep whatever of my own salary wasn't going to living expenses and use it for whatever i'd like. she also said i could quit, but i knew i was still helping and also i just liked having my own money. i am now almost 17, and i've got a different job, and i've been putting aside my own money like i always have. but recently she asked that i start giving the spare to her, we mix our money for some reason. likely so she can use it on her own if she wants to (she gambles), although she claims it's for emergencies. anyways, i said no, and she's said that i'm selfish and that i should care that there is money put aside for if we ever need it, and i don't know if this is me being selfish? i don't think it's selfish to want to keep money i worked for, but maybe i should be putting more into us as a family?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i got my first job when i was 14 (this is legal where i live), we were really struggling then, but as my mom got a better job, she told me to just keep whatever of my own salary wasn't going to living expenses and use it for whatever i'd like. she also said i could quit, but i knew i was still helping and also i just liked having my own money. i am now almost 17, and i've got a different job, and i've been putting aside my own money like i always have. but recently she asked that i start giving the spare to her, we mix our money for some reason. likely so she can use it on her own if she wants to (she gambles), although she claims it's for emergencies. anyways, i said no, and she's said that i'm selfish and that i should care that there is money put aside for if we ever need it, and i don't know if this is me being selfish? i don't think it's selfish to want to keep money i worked for, but maybe i should be putting more into us as a family? [/INST] nta if she has a history of gambling, you need to tread carefully. keep your money separate and look into moving out once you can legally rent/drive without your parent signing for you. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to go to my girlfriend's dance performance because my sisters are on the same team?
|
throwaway account.
this is not a troll, so please don't comment if that's all you're going to say.
my (23m) girlfriend rachel (22f) and i have been together for 4 years and i love her very much. i was introduced to her by my twin sister jessica and grace (22f) who is my step sister.
jessica, grace and rachel are best friends and they've been on the same dance team for years. i've been to most of their dance performances because they're incredibly talented and i love all of them. i don't mind going to their shows when i have free time and i like to show support. they often ask my to watch them and give them feedback on their performance and usually i'm more than happy to do so.
here is the problem:
rachel has been working very hard to choreograph a new trio choreography for them all to perform. i am very proud of her and usually i'd go and watch the show, but i'm a bit hesitant to do so this time. rachel says she's choreographed a sexy and raunchy dance and she showed me the outfits that look something [like this](https://images.app.goo.gl/rbualovkdmbsu15za)
i don't know who's going to wear what and it sounds a bit prudish to say, but i don't particularly want to know either. jessica and grace are my sisters and i don't really want to go and watch them grind up against my girlfriend. i have no problem with the choreography itself, because i know it's just dancing and they're all grown women, but it's just not something i want to see.
and it's not like i'm a weirdo and that i'll be staring at my sisters the whole time, but if i'm there, inevitably i have to watch all of them to give them feedback and support and it's just not something i want to see.
i said i didnt want to go, because of the reasons stated above, and rachel was a bit miffed because it's the first professional dance she's choreographed, and understandably, she wants me to be there. her family weren't very supportive about her dance career and so none of them ever come to her shows. i know it genuinely does mean a lot to her for me to be there, and i do feel bad for not wanting to go, but i'm also a bit annoyed that she doesn't get why i don't want to.
rachel is a bit disappointed and asked me if i could come anyways and just watch her, but both of my sisters have also said it's uncomfortable for me to be there too.
aita for not wanting to go?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kpr8t5/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_my_girlfriends/
|
2021-01-03 19:36:23
|
nah here- i get why your gf wants you to be there but at the same time she should understand why the nature of this performance in particular makes you uncomfortable. if you are usually supportive of your gf’s dance, skipping one performance for this reason doesn’t negate that.
|
nta. your sisters are also uncomfortable with you attending. if you were in the audience it could actually throw off their performances - maybe stress that to your girlfriend? you have a very normal response to this situation and i’d be worried if you didn’t find it weird.
that said, make sure to tell your girlfriend how proud you are of her for doing her own professional choreography and tell her you’d love to see *just her* perform it for you.
|
nta, i get where your girlfriend is coming from, but watching your siblings do that would just be weird.
|
nta. your gf needs to respect your feelings and stop giving you crap for it. you would be ta if you weren’t supportive generally speaking, but it doesn’t seem like it’s the case.
i don’t understand why she thinks you would *want* to see your sisters grinding up in sexy outfits...
the only part where you may be an ah is when you mention that you didn’t explain it to her well at first. even still, if you went to everyone’s dance performances for a while now, she should at least be able to guess.
|
nta if you and your sisters are all uncomfortable then you shouldn’t be forced to put those feelings aside.
perhaps there can be a compromise though? like maybe they can do the dance for you in regular workout clothes vs. costumes and then you can reevaluate whether you’d be okay with seeing the full performance?
|
nah... maybe ask your girlfriend for a private viewing of the routine with just her performing for you???
| null | null | null | null |
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null | null | null | null | 0.006547 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: throwaway account. this is not a troll, so please don't comment if that's all you're going to say. my (23m) girlfriend rachel (22f) and i have been together for 4 years and i love her very much. i was introduced to her by my twin sister jessica and grace (22f) who is my step sister. jessica, grace and rachel are best friends and they've been on the same dance team for years. i've been to most of their dance performances because they're incredibly talented and i love all of them. i don't mind going to their shows when i have free time and i like to show support. they often ask my to watch them and give them feedback on their performance and usually i'm more than happy to do so. here is the problem: rachel has been working very hard to choreograph a new trio choreography for them all to perform. i am very proud of her and usually i'd go and watch the show, but i'm a bit hesitant to do so this time. rachel says she's choreographed a sexy and raunchy dance and she showed me the outfits that look something [like this](https://images.app.goo.gl/rbualovkdmbsu15za) i don't know who's going to wear what and it sounds a bit prudish to say, but i don't particularly want to know either. jessica and grace are my sisters and i don't really want to go and watch them grind up against my girlfriend. i have no problem with the choreography itself, because i know it's just dancing and they're all grown women, but it's just not something i want to see. and it's not like i'm a weirdo and that i'll be staring at my sisters the whole time, but if i'm there, inevitably i have to watch all of them to give them feedback and support and it's just not something i want to see. i said i didnt want to go, because of the reasons stated above, and rachel was a bit miffed because it's the first professional dance she's choreographed, and understandably, she wants me to be there. her family weren't very supportive about her dance career and so none of them ever come to her shows. i know it genuinely does mean a lot to her for me to be there, and i do feel bad for not wanting to go, but i'm also a bit annoyed that she doesn't get why i don't want to. rachel is a bit disappointed and asked me if i could come anyways and just watch her, but both of my sisters have also said it's uncomfortable for me to be there too. aita for not wanting to go?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account. this is not a troll, so please don't comment if that's all you're going to say. my (23m) girlfriend rachel (22f) and i have been together for 4 years and i love her very much. i was introduced to her by my twin sister jessica and grace (22f) who is my step sister. jessica, grace and rachel are best friends and they've been on the same dance team for years. i've been to most of their dance performances because they're incredibly talented and i love all of them. i don't mind going to their shows when i have free time and i like to show support. they often ask my to watch them and give them feedback on their performance and usually i'm more than happy to do so. here is the problem: rachel has been working very hard to choreograph a new trio choreography for them all to perform. i am very proud of her and usually i'd go and watch the show, but i'm a bit hesitant to do so this time. rachel says she's choreographed a sexy and raunchy dance and she showed me the outfits that look something [like this](https://images.app.goo.gl/rbualovkdmbsu15za) i don't know who's going to wear what and it sounds a bit prudish to say, but i don't particularly want to know either. jessica and grace are my sisters and i don't really want to go and watch them grind up against my girlfriend. i have no problem with the choreography itself, because i know it's just dancing and they're all grown women, but it's just not something i want to see. and it's not like i'm a weirdo and that i'll be staring at my sisters the whole time, but if i'm there, inevitably i have to watch all of them to give them feedback and support and it's just not something i want to see. i said i didnt want to go, because of the reasons stated above, and rachel was a bit miffed because it's the first professional dance she's choreographed, and understandably, she wants me to be there. her family weren't very supportive about her dance career and so none of them ever come to her shows. i know it genuinely does mean a lot to her for me to be there, and i do feel bad for not wanting to go, but i'm also a bit annoyed that she doesn't get why i don't want to. rachel is a bit disappointed and asked me if i could come anyways and just watch her, but both of my sisters have also said it's uncomfortable for me to be there too. aita for not wanting to go? [/INST] nah here- i get why your gf wants you to be there but at the same time she should understand why the nature of this performance in particular makes you uncomfortable. if you are usually supportive of your gf’s dance, skipping one performance for this reason doesn’t negate that. </s>
|
AITA if I smoke in my room when my roommate said not to?
|
i live in an apartment with my roommate and we split the rent evenly. i moved in after he has already lived there for a few years and i’ve been there for over a year now. he still has all his stuff in the apartment like it was before i moved in and he spends mostly all of his time in the living room. i’m pretty much confined to my bedroom and the bathroom (occasionally the kitchen when i get hungry). i also smoke weed, and i have been for a while now. i was getting tired of smoking in my car wasting gas so i decided to just smoke in my room by a window with a fan in it. after each session i then proceed to spray the room with air freshener. after he noticed i was doing that he told me not to and to go somewhere else because his kids come over occasionally. my roommate has joint custody of his kids so i never smoke before they get there and wait till they are gone to start. that way the smell will deplete before they come over again. i just feel that if i’m paying half the rent of a whole apartment but i’m always in my bedroom then i should be able to do whatever i want in there. aita for doing this?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eqi0zt/aita_if_i_smoke_in_my_room_when_my_roommate_said/
|
2020-01-18 15:56:32
|
yta. it still smells rank to them, trust me. you can't tell because you're a smoker.
just smoke outside.
|
yta. smoke outside. pretty common courtesy if you live with a non-smoker.
|
yta. it’s rude as hell to smoke with a roommate who doesn’t, especially when they occupied the space first. move into your own house if you want to be able to smoke.
you’re also putting his custody of his kids at risk. if the kid’s mom is vindictive, and she smells some pot (assuming you’re located where it isn’t legal), she can very easily report to dhs that she doesn’t want her child around that house.
yta big time.
|
yta. smoke lingers, and stays in fabric. just don’t. makes me sneeze all da time.
|
yta. smoke outside?
|
i'm sure there will people who think it's your room etc. which i get, but for me yta. smoking in a space where you live with other people is just rank and horrible. guarantee it can still be smelled. and it's not because it's weed, it's smoking generally. the smell permeates everything. you probably don't even notice it because you are the one smoking.
|
yta
he asked you politely not to smoke inside, he gave you a valid reason (which he was not required to do), and you don't need your car running to smoke a j
not super hard to throw on sweats and go out for five minutes. you want to smoke indoors go buy your own place and live alone.
|
yta for so many things. 1. don't smoke pot inside ever. i smoke pot sometimes and it stinks dude. the smell gets into things just like cigarette smoke it's just less rank. 2.he lived there long before you and you've lived there for a year. either stick to the rules or move. most apartment buildings don't allow smoking at all for a plethora of reasons so if someone has been smoking in one of the suites the renter will lose their security deposit. 3.you are not being considerate at all because you smoke before the kids come over and after they leave. you're still being an ah. those are his kids, not yours, and you don't get to decide what is ok for them to be around. 4. and lastly, why do you need to run your car while you smoke weed in there? ugh! that is absolutely infuriating. you're not going to die from sitting in a car that's not running for 5 minutes. too hot? crack a window. too cold? layer up and suck it up. also helpful tip: running your car for extended periods of time while not driving puts excess wear on your engine.
|
yta, as a smoker, please do it in your car or outside. this isn't your house
|
yta, for a non smoker i hate the smell of cigs, and when you smoke in the room everything will smell like cigs
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live in an apartment with my roommate and we split the rent evenly. i moved in after he has already lived there for a few years and i’ve been there for over a year now. he still has all his stuff in the apartment like it was before i moved in and he spends mostly all of his time in the living room. i’m pretty much confined to my bedroom and the bathroom (occasionally the kitchen when i get hungry). i also smoke weed, and i have been for a while now. i was getting tired of smoking in my car wasting gas so i decided to just smoke in my room by a window with a fan in it. after each session i then proceed to spray the room with air freshener. after he noticed i was doing that he told me not to and to go somewhere else because his kids come over occasionally. my roommate has joint custody of his kids so i never smoke before they get there and wait till they are gone to start. that way the smell will deplete before they come over again. i just feel that if i’m paying half the rent of a whole apartment but i’m always in my bedroom then i should be able to do whatever i want in there. aita for doing this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i live in an apartment with my roommate and we split the rent evenly. i moved in after he has already lived there for a few years and i’ve been there for over a year now. he still has all his stuff in the apartment like it was before i moved in and he spends mostly all of his time in the living room. i’m pretty much confined to my bedroom and the bathroom (occasionally the kitchen when i get hungry). i also smoke weed, and i have been for a while now. i was getting tired of smoking in my car wasting gas so i decided to just smoke in my room by a window with a fan in it. after each session i then proceed to spray the room with air freshener. after he noticed i was doing that he told me not to and to go somewhere else because his kids come over occasionally. my roommate has joint custody of his kids so i never smoke before they get there and wait till they are gone to start. that way the smell will deplete before they come over again. i just feel that if i’m paying half the rent of a whole apartment but i’m always in my bedroom then i should be able to do whatever i want in there. aita for doing this? [/INST] yta. it still smells rank to them, trust me. you can't tell because you're a smoker. just smoke outside. </s>
|
AITA for giving a driver a thumbs down on the turnpike?
|
i was driving on the turnpike in the left lane and this guy in front of me was driving much slower so i had to slow down. he had plenty of room to move over and let me go, but he was stubborn/ignorant and didn’t want to budge. finally, when i had some room, i merged into the right, passed him, and merged back in front of him. while i was passing him i gave him a thumbs down. at that moment he sped up, merged into the lane next to me, and got even with my car and started yelling and giving me angry gestures. i proceeded to give him the thumbs down. this must have angered him so much because he rolled down his window and threw a water bottle at my car and i heard it thump off my car door. i didn’t get his plate. he drove off and that was that.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nkyutu/aita_for_giving_a_driver_a_thumbs_down_on_the/
|
2021-05-25 20:10:02
|
nta. i'm tired of people slowing down the fast lanes.
|
a thumbs down is actually hilariously polite, it’s not like you flipped him off. this made me chuckle. nta
|
nta. i do the same thing! i find the thumbs down way more effective than the middle finger because in my experience some people have no problem being an ah but do have a problem being told they’re bad at something. and if they are in the left lane being passed on the right, they are indeed bad at something.
|
nta.
there’s a reason it’s called the passing lane. if you’re in the left-most lane, and people are passing you on the right, you’re in the wrong fucking lane.
|
esh. you are incredibly lucky that was all he did. people get killed over actions like yours. it was unnecessary and dangerous. i was almost in an accident because of a road rage driver. the driver swerved into my lane ahead of me and i thought i was going to hit him because our speeds were almost the same. i started braking and i hit my horn for a short burst to signal that i was about to rear end him. i seriously thought that i was but i came to a stop before i did. thankfully no cars behind me. the guy sped up and then merged into a turn lane and waited until i was close to pulling even with his truck before he tried to swerve into me. i barely managed to change lanes (boy am i thankful for the right hand turn lane that people were using leaving a space for me to be able to change lanes) and he took off after the failed attempt, running the red light to turn left. my crime was using my horn to warn that an accident was about to happen. i couldn't change lanes or swerve in the beginning because there was a barrier on one side and cars in the other lane that i would have hit. i was lucky that day but it could have ended badly because some other driver has massive road rage and they harm other people.
|
i use the thumbs down too... it’s more like, “i’m not mad-i’m just disappointed” and it’s way more effective...
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.054 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i was driving on the turnpike in the left lane and this guy in front of me was driving much slower so i had to slow down. he had plenty of room to move over and let me go, but he was stubborn/ignorant and didn’t want to budge. finally, when i had some room, i merged into the right, passed him, and merged back in front of him. while i was passing him i gave him a thumbs down. at that moment he sped up, merged into the lane next to me, and got even with my car and started yelling and giving me angry gestures. i proceeded to give him the thumbs down. this must have angered him so much because he rolled down his window and threw a water bottle at my car and i heard it thump off my car door. i didn’t get his plate. he drove off and that was that.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i was driving on the turnpike in the left lane and this guy in front of me was driving much slower so i had to slow down. he had plenty of room to move over and let me go, but he was stubborn/ignorant and didn’t want to budge. finally, when i had some room, i merged into the right, passed him, and merged back in front of him. while i was passing him i gave him a thumbs down. at that moment he sped up, merged into the lane next to me, and got even with my car and started yelling and giving me angry gestures. i proceeded to give him the thumbs down. this must have angered him so much because he rolled down his window and threw a water bottle at my car and i heard it thump off my car door. i didn’t get his plate. he drove off and that was that. [/INST] nta. i'm tired of people slowing down the fast lanes. </s>
|
AITA for keeping my baby’s “first Christmas” ornament
|
i am separated from my husband. we already have 50/50 custody through the court set up and the divorce is all but finalized. we still really care about each other, but our relationship had become toxic. we like to consider each other friends and we have been doing the best to coparent our daughter 15months, as well as him maintaining a positive relationship with my older children.
exh is sleeping over for xmas so we can have it together as a family, then bringing baby to his brothers. his brother owns a 2 family house, exh and his mom live in the 2nd family apartment.
almost all of my xmas decorations got destroyed when my basement flooded last spring. i was only able to save a small box, all my childhood stuff and the big kids’ stuff were unsalvageable, as well as the tree. i got a new tree, and some of the themed decor that we used to have. in the small box that was saved, was only the stockings and the baby’s first xmas ornament, given to us by exbil custom made.
exbil and his wife had a baby recently and got a custom ornament from the same vendor. he asked my exh to get our baby’s too, to put on his big tree. exh doesn’t have his own tree.
exh said i don’t have to give it up this year but i should give it for future years. i don’t think i should give it up. the baby still lives with me 50% of the time, and we are planning to do future xmas mornings at my house, then she goes to xmas dinner with exh at exbils in the afternoon. they think that because they bought it, and i’m no longer “family” i should give it back.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zt18t0/aita_for_keeping_my_babys_first_christmas_ornament/
|
2022-12-23 00:06:27
|
nta. the ornament should stay with your daughter. she's the one they bought it for so why should it be on their tree?
|
"i agree we aren't family anymore, but that doesn't erase the history we had. no one is suddenly obligated to give back gifts that were given or received in good faith...frankly, the notion is silly, and not worth discussing. and the only person i'd consider giving the ornament to is daughter, when she is old enough to get her own place."
nta. i'm genuinely confused as to what your ex and his family are thinking or why they'd even care. i could almost understand if your ex really wanted it on his own tree because he felt a sentimental attachment to it, but the fact that the request is coming from your exbil is just bizarre
|
nta
custom made or not, once it left their hands and put it in yours as a gift, it belongs to your child. they have no right expecting it to be on their tree.
this is something you and your ex need to figure out. i'm hoping you, as the mom, gets to keep it at your house and your ex can see it when he comes over. ask your divorce attorney for impartial advice.
|
nta , sounds like they're just being childish about the ornament.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i am separated from my husband. we already have 50/50 custody through the court set up and the divorce is all but finalized. we still really care about each other, but our relationship had become toxic. we like to consider each other friends and we have been doing the best to coparent our daughter 15months, as well as him maintaining a positive relationship with my older children. exh is sleeping over for xmas so we can have it together as a family, then bringing baby to his brothers. his brother owns a 2 family house, exh and his mom live in the 2nd family apartment. almost all of my xmas decorations got destroyed when my basement flooded last spring. i was only able to save a small box, all my childhood stuff and the big kids’ stuff were unsalvageable, as well as the tree. i got a new tree, and some of the themed decor that we used to have. in the small box that was saved, was only the stockings and the baby’s first xmas ornament, given to us by exbil custom made. exbil and his wife had a baby recently and got a custom ornament from the same vendor. he asked my exh to get our baby’s too, to put on his big tree. exh doesn’t have his own tree. exh said i don’t have to give it up this year but i should give it for future years. i don’t think i should give it up. the baby still lives with me 50% of the time, and we are planning to do future xmas mornings at my house, then she goes to xmas dinner with exh at exbils in the afternoon. they think that because they bought it, and i’m no longer “family” i should give it back.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i am separated from my husband. we already have 50/50 custody through the court set up and the divorce is all but finalized. we still really care about each other, but our relationship had become toxic. we like to consider each other friends and we have been doing the best to coparent our daughter 15months, as well as him maintaining a positive relationship with my older children. exh is sleeping over for xmas so we can have it together as a family, then bringing baby to his brothers. his brother owns a 2 family house, exh and his mom live in the 2nd family apartment. almost all of my xmas decorations got destroyed when my basement flooded last spring. i was only able to save a small box, all my childhood stuff and the big kids’ stuff were unsalvageable, as well as the tree. i got a new tree, and some of the themed decor that we used to have. in the small box that was saved, was only the stockings and the baby’s first xmas ornament, given to us by exbil custom made. exbil and his wife had a baby recently and got a custom ornament from the same vendor. he asked my exh to get our baby’s too, to put on his big tree. exh doesn’t have his own tree. exh said i don’t have to give it up this year but i should give it for future years. i don’t think i should give it up. the baby still lives with me 50% of the time, and we are planning to do future xmas mornings at my house, then she goes to xmas dinner with exh at exbils in the afternoon. they think that because they bought it, and i’m no longer “family” i should give it back. [/INST] nta. the ornament should stay with your daughter. she's the one they bought it for so why should it be on their tree? </s>
|
AITA for kicking my nephew out of my house?
|
i (22m) have a house that i bought last year. my nephew (25m) was living a few hours away and finally got a job back here near the family and i invited him to stay with me for a few months rent free to save up for a house of his own. he was set to move out in a couple weeks when i noticed some things missing. the two items were (1) some car subwoofers that were his from 8 years ago that his brother gave me a few years back and i had in my garage since i recently got a new car, and (2) a cornet (like a trumpet) that he took from the high school we went to and then gave to me when i was still in school and never took back. that was in one of my closets. he took these things to his dads house when i wasn't home and never said anything to me. i discovered this and knew i needed to have a talk with him, but i was worried about my belongings. i had no idea of knowing what he considered to be "his" and was going to take when i wasn't home. i felt uncomfortable in my own home and was on edge so i asked him to go stay at his parents house until he got his house, and return the key to my house since i couldn't trust him with him sneaking around my house taking things when i was gone. he moved out entirely that night and now there is a divide in the family between him and his brothers and his parents, and me and my parents. aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/msiodl/aita_for_kicking_my_nephew_out_of_my_house/
|
2021-04-17 03:00:05
|
nta. it was weird he'd decide to take these things without discussing with you first if he'd left them/ they'd been given to you for years at that point. he was also rooting through your closets; why? that's kinda ahole behavior and you are justified in being uncomfortable with that.
|
nta
change the locks on your house too. maybe install a couple of cameras.
how disappointing.
|
info: was there any previous agreement on the terms of having these things? you say both of these things were previously his before given to you. plus, his *brother* gave you the subwoofers, not himself. maybe he didn't intend to let you have them?
either way, he should have been upfront with you about taking these things for himself and explaining why. but comparing your hand-me-downs from him to things that were always yours feels a bit iffy. i'm feeling n a h territory but i can't be fully sure without the above answered.
|
nta. i understand how you feel. he made you feel unconfortable in your own place. that alone is enough reason for you to kick him out. maybe he dont had the intention os stealing things that were completely yours (not that the things he stole werent yours, but he clearly didnt understand the concept of they belonging to you now). anyway, nta
|
nta please change your locks.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (22m) have a house that i bought last year. my nephew (25m) was living a few hours away and finally got a job back here near the family and i invited him to stay with me for a few months rent free to save up for a house of his own. he was set to move out in a couple weeks when i noticed some things missing. the two items were (1) some car subwoofers that were his from 8 years ago that his brother gave me a few years back and i had in my garage since i recently got a new car, and (2) a cornet (like a trumpet) that he took from the high school we went to and then gave to me when i was still in school and never took back. that was in one of my closets. he took these things to his dads house when i wasn't home and never said anything to me. i discovered this and knew i needed to have a talk with him, but i was worried about my belongings. i had no idea of knowing what he considered to be "his" and was going to take when i wasn't home. i felt uncomfortable in my own home and was on edge so i asked him to go stay at his parents house until he got his house, and return the key to my house since i couldn't trust him with him sneaking around my house taking things when i was gone. he moved out entirely that night and now there is a divide in the family between him and his brothers and his parents, and me and my parents. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (22m) have a house that i bought last year. my nephew (25m) was living a few hours away and finally got a job back here near the family and i invited him to stay with me for a few months rent free to save up for a house of his own. he was set to move out in a couple weeks when i noticed some things missing. the two items were (1) some car subwoofers that were his from 8 years ago that his brother gave me a few years back and i had in my garage since i recently got a new car, and (2) a cornet (like a trumpet) that he took from the high school we went to and then gave to me when i was still in school and never took back. that was in one of my closets. he took these things to his dads house when i wasn't home and never said anything to me. i discovered this and knew i needed to have a talk with him, but i was worried about my belongings. i had no idea of knowing what he considered to be "his" and was going to take when i wasn't home. i felt uncomfortable in my own home and was on edge so i asked him to go stay at his parents house until he got his house, and return the key to my house since i couldn't trust him with him sneaking around my house taking things when i was gone. he moved out entirely that night and now there is a divide in the family between him and his brothers and his parents, and me and my parents. aita? [/INST] nta. it was weird he'd decide to take these things without discussing with you first if he'd left them/ they'd been given to you for years at that point. he was also rooting through your closets; why? that's kinda ahole behavior and you are justified in being uncomfortable with that. </s>
|
AITA for playing a drinking game with my girlfriend's mom?
|
i had dinner last night with my girlfriend's family. afterwards, we were all drinking, and her mom wanted to play a silly card game called "truth or drink". it it, you draw cards, ask each other questions, and you have to either answer or take a shot.
i didn't really want to play, but they did, so whatever. the game does get a little raunchy, with questions like "when did you lose your virginity."
&#x200b;
it's my girlfriend's sister's turn to ask me a question. she draws a card and the question is "what's your favorite sexual position and why". i answer the question and say it's missionary because it's easier to choke my so in missionary than other positions.
&#x200b;
well, that caused a fight and now apparently i'm an asshole according to my girlfriend's mom
&#x200b;
so reddit, iata?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/forf3q/aita_for_playing_a_drinking_game_with_my/
|
2020-03-25 14:41:48
|
esh.
playing raunchy drinking games with family and daughter’s partner is risky. my family normally plays monopoly or something without so many sex questions.
the choking answer was tmi but they shouldn’t have asked the question if they didn’t want an answer.
|
lmao you’re all assholes for playing a game like that with family
|
yta.
you could have just said, missionary, and left off the choking part. total veracity was apparently a little much for these people.
|
esh but not in a "terrible people" way, more a "yikes! that was an awkward decision on everyone's part" kind of way 🤣🤣🤣
maybe stick to asshole next time you need a drinking game!
|
lord i’ll say yta - sexual games with partners parents can be a dicey subject so i would have said nta if you just said missionary but why did you need to add the explanation, the parents don’t need to know the kinks you and their daughter are into
|
lmao, know your audience my dude.
i dont think the question is really whether you're the ah for playing a drinking game with gf's mom, but for how far you went with your answer. that is actually hilarious.
esh for:
1. playing sexual drinking games with family in the first place (hmm, what could possibly go wrong?)
2. sharing information that can very clearly be taken badly by family in said sexual drinking game, and
3. deciding to play a sexual drinking game with family and getting upset about the results.
just lol.
|
wth? why would you say that?
you all suck.
|
yta. you only had to answer the question, not give details. who does that?
|
[deleted]
|
yta. sure, maybe answer with a position. *maybe.* but if you were getting pressed on the “...and why,” you should have immediately downed the shot. you just discussed—nay, flaunted—choking the woman’s daughter being *your* fetish (not necessarily hers). that’s enough to shock any parent.
be smarter. even while drinking, you have to know where the line is. you crossed it. apologize and it’s over. live and learn.
|
ESH
| null |
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
ESH
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.011362 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i had dinner last night with my girlfriend's family. afterwards, we were all drinking, and her mom wanted to play a silly card game called "truth or drink". it it, you draw cards, ask each other questions, and you have to either answer or take a shot. i didn't really want to play, but they did, so whatever. the game does get a little raunchy, with questions like "when did you lose your virginity." &#x200b; it's my girlfriend's sister's turn to ask me a question. she draws a card and the question is "what's your favorite sexual position and why". i answer the question and say it's missionary because it's easier to choke my so in missionary than other positions. &#x200b; well, that caused a fight and now apparently i'm an asshole according to my girlfriend's mom &#x200b; so reddit, iata?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i had dinner last night with my girlfriend's family. afterwards, we were all drinking, and her mom wanted to play a silly card game called "truth or drink". it it, you draw cards, ask each other questions, and you have to either answer or take a shot. i didn't really want to play, but they did, so whatever. the game does get a little raunchy, with questions like "when did you lose your virginity." &#x200b; it's my girlfriend's sister's turn to ask me a question. she draws a card and the question is "what's your favorite sexual position and why". i answer the question and say it's missionary because it's easier to choke my so in missionary than other positions. &#x200b; well, that caused a fight and now apparently i'm an asshole according to my girlfriend's mom &#x200b; so reddit, iata? [/INST] esh. playing raunchy drinking games with family and daughter’s partner is risky. my family normally plays monopoly or something without so many sex questions. the choking answer was tmi but they shouldn’t have asked the question if they didn’t want an answer. </s>
|
AITA for having more strict rules while babysitting my nephew
|
my sister and her husband are currently in an unfortunate situation of both working and kindergarden being closed. our parents can't health wise babysit and no one else in their friend circle or family has time (or flat out refuse to babysit). so dear old uncle (me) gets to take care of the little monster (4 years old).
i do not mind it really, he is a fairly nice munchkin but i have set some rules for him that i don't think are too harsh. some examples:
- no toys or books while eating at the table. otherwise a 20-30 min meal turns into 2 hours
- clean up toys before playing with something new
- no jumping on furniture or other acrobatics indoors
- before opening cupboards, drawers or boxes and taking stuff out, he has to ask (and explain what he needs it for e.g. an umbrella indoors)
i think these are reasonable and i do punish him, if he crosses the line (throwing stuff, breaking the rules multiple times, jumping off chairs).
my sister (and ironically my mum) got quite mad at me, that i should not implement rules on my own and that they as parents have the sole right to punish the kid if necessary.
i told them non my rules are unfair and actually ment to keep the kid safe. if they don't like that they have need to find another babysitter.
that comment made my sis, mom and dad angry (even aunt and uncle told me i shouldn't set an ultimatum to family).
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nlpant/aita_for_having_more_strict_rules_while/
|
2021-05-26 19:28:04
|
nta. if they want to micromanage the rules, they can watch their own child. your rules are not unreasonable, and they should be extremely grateful that you're helping at all.
|
nta. you are doing your sister a favor and you are under no obligation to let a 4 year old run around your house unchecked. you're right, if they don't like it, they can find someone else to watch their kid.
|
nta. your house, your rules. i understand she has her own set of rules for her kid, but since he is under your care you have the right to make your own for him to follow, and just an opinion, i dont think they are strict at all... more like common sense rules. and just like if he was in school and his teachers would have their own set of rules. your sister needs to get it through her head that you have every right to expect him to act a certain way while in your care. (i'm saying this as a parent) does she act like this with his teachers? lmao i could imagine.... sister: "mrs teacher, why did you tell little johnny he cant play on his ipad at lunch??? he is my kid, you have no right!" 😹😹 parents these days... 🤦♀️ she sounds entitled. lol
|
info: what do you mean by punish?
|
nta. your house your rules.
|
nta- if they are going to put you in charge of watching the kid, you have to have basic boundaries. i wonder what a daycare would say if your mom and sister decided to say “hey actually we don’t believe in any of your rules and only we can set rules and punishments for what he does” that kid would no longer be a pupil at that daycare. i think if the punishments are to extreme e.g. hitting, traumatic, or some way harmful to the child then the parents have every right to declare you not punish the child that way, but if they want you to watch the child you should be allowed to have basic rules for safety and sanity.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my sister and her husband are currently in an unfortunate situation of both working and kindergarden being closed. our parents can't health wise babysit and no one else in their friend circle or family has time (or flat out refuse to babysit). so dear old uncle (me) gets to take care of the little monster (4 years old). i do not mind it really, he is a fairly nice munchkin but i have set some rules for him that i don't think are too harsh. some examples: - no toys or books while eating at the table. otherwise a 20-30 min meal turns into 2 hours - clean up toys before playing with something new - no jumping on furniture or other acrobatics indoors - before opening cupboards, drawers or boxes and taking stuff out, he has to ask (and explain what he needs it for e.g. an umbrella indoors) i think these are reasonable and i do punish him, if he crosses the line (throwing stuff, breaking the rules multiple times, jumping off chairs). my sister (and ironically my mum) got quite mad at me, that i should not implement rules on my own and that they as parents have the sole right to punish the kid if necessary. i told them non my rules are unfair and actually ment to keep the kid safe. if they don't like that they have need to find another babysitter. that comment made my sis, mom and dad angry (even aunt and uncle told me i shouldn't set an ultimatum to family).
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my sister and her husband are currently in an unfortunate situation of both working and kindergarden being closed. our parents can't health wise babysit and no one else in their friend circle or family has time (or flat out refuse to babysit). so dear old uncle (me) gets to take care of the little monster (4 years old). i do not mind it really, he is a fairly nice munchkin but i have set some rules for him that i don't think are too harsh. some examples: - no toys or books while eating at the table. otherwise a 20-30 min meal turns into 2 hours - clean up toys before playing with something new - no jumping on furniture or other acrobatics indoors - before opening cupboards, drawers or boxes and taking stuff out, he has to ask (and explain what he needs it for e.g. an umbrella indoors) i think these are reasonable and i do punish him, if he crosses the line (throwing stuff, breaking the rules multiple times, jumping off chairs). my sister (and ironically my mum) got quite mad at me, that i should not implement rules on my own and that they as parents have the sole right to punish the kid if necessary. i told them non my rules are unfair and actually ment to keep the kid safe. if they don't like that they have need to find another babysitter. that comment made my sis, mom and dad angry (even aunt and uncle told me i shouldn't set an ultimatum to family). [/INST] nta. if they want to micromanage the rules, they can watch their own child. your rules are not unreasonable, and they should be extremely grateful that you're helping at all. </s>
|
AITA or is starting to walk off with my child wrong?
|
this has happened twice now, there is no prior arrangement for this to happen, the first time it happened i ignored it as a one off and the second time it happened i spoke up....... probably a little more angrily thank should of but i don't think i was rude.
here it goes, i have 2 daughters (6 and 8 years old) they attend the same school but are in separate buildings with the same pick up time, naturally i'm always a few minutes late picking up whoever i pick up second.
in my older daughters class she is friends with another kid and i am also friends with the mum, not very good friends, we don't talk that often and rarely meet up.
twice now i've been on the way to get my older daughter and met her halfway out of the school with said friend and her mum. the first time i wasn't too keen on it as like i said there's no arrangement for my daughter to leave the school with her and when she's done this she hasn't known for sure that i am on the way as she hasn't called/messaged me to say she's with my daughter and would i like to meet them at the gate.
i am in no way concerned for my daughter's safety or well being my issue is that if i miss them walking out i could get to my older daughters classroom and cause a panic for me and her teacher when i turn up looking for her and she's not there. also i work some evenings so need to get home quickly and don't want the possibility of having to hunt around for my child.
when it happened the second time i said to the mum "if she tries to follow you out again can you send her back to wait". said become said "what am i supposed to do? leave her there looking for you?" i said yes. when i got home i sent a message saying sorry if that came across wrong i was angry with my daughter for not waiting for me where she knows she should. i was told that wouldn't of left with her (she already had if she was halfway out of the school) she would of sent her back to the classroom if i wasn't at the gate (we have no arrangement for this and her teacher won't still be there) and i was rude for telling her to send my daughter back to wait for me! obviously i'm going to have a word with her teacher tomorrow but am i the asshole or is she out of line?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tx4gd7/aita_or_is_starting_to_walk_off_with_my_child/
|
2022-04-05 20:36:26
|
nta, that is really weird and inappropriate for the other parent to do, and the teacher should not allow it. her phrasing was super judgy as well which is obnoxious.
|
thank you all for your replies, it's reassuring to know i'm not an asshole in this instance. i will be talking to her teacher, normally when i pick up, the kids are lined up and let out one by one so the teacher can make sure they see the parent before letting the kid go so i will be asking why she was allowed to go when i clearly wasn't outside that classroom waiting and i will let the school know if there is an arrangement for someone else to pick her up xxx
|
nta.
your response is completely reasonable, and if you didn’t bump into them then there would have been a panic over a potential missing child!
i think you can make it clear with the school that your child will always leave with you, unless you’ve pre-arranged something different in advance. i’m not sure, but this may be a safeguarding issue in itself as they should be making sure children that age are being picked up by the right people. otherwise anyone could wander in.
|
i wouldn't bring this up with the mother again.
tell the school what happened and ask them to contact the mother because she refuses to understand the gravity of the situation or the liability she put the school in by doing what she did.
nta
|
nta
call the school and explain this woman is not authorized to remove your child from the pickup area. be sure to use those words. she is setting your daughter up to be manipulated by strangers, this is a bad precedent to set.
the school might be able to arrange an office worker/volunteer to walk your younger daughter to the older daughter's classroom in the last few minutes of the school day, to keep them safe and together, so you can get them both at once and keep them supervised and way from non parental interference.
|
nta- although, you should be more pissed at the school than the other mom.
i would start with the school first- if you could swing it, show up to “pick up” your daughter after she has already left (obviously, making sure she is safely supervised first), and react in shock when the teacher says she went off with mom.
“you allowed my child to walk off with an adult without checking with me first?!” that will probably nip it in the bud.
|
nta, she's out of line. this is your child, not hers. let her teacher no to not let her leave with this woman. this is literally one of the most common ways kids get kidnapped from school! she probably wouldn't appreciate it if her daughter walked off with another family and *she* had to panic search for her child 🤷🏻♀️
|
nta and depending on age, a very dangerous allowance for the school to make if there is no arrangement for her to pick up your older daughter. is it just her friend's mother that they allow to walk her out, or would they allow anyone to walk her out?
|
i'm concerned the teacher lets them go without your expressed consent.
|
nta...you're the mom and those are the rules.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this has happened twice now, there is no prior arrangement for this to happen, the first time it happened i ignored it as a one off and the second time it happened i spoke up....... probably a little more angrily thank should of but i don't think i was rude. here it goes, i have 2 daughters (6 and 8 years old) they attend the same school but are in separate buildings with the same pick up time, naturally i'm always a few minutes late picking up whoever i pick up second. in my older daughters class she is friends with another kid and i am also friends with the mum, not very good friends, we don't talk that often and rarely meet up. twice now i've been on the way to get my older daughter and met her halfway out of the school with said friend and her mum. the first time i wasn't too keen on it as like i said there's no arrangement for my daughter to leave the school with her and when she's done this she hasn't known for sure that i am on the way as she hasn't called/messaged me to say she's with my daughter and would i like to meet them at the gate. i am in no way concerned for my daughter's safety or well being my issue is that if i miss them walking out i could get to my older daughters classroom and cause a panic for me and her teacher when i turn up looking for her and she's not there. also i work some evenings so need to get home quickly and don't want the possibility of having to hunt around for my child. when it happened the second time i said to the mum "if she tries to follow you out again can you send her back to wait". said become said "what am i supposed to do? leave her there looking for you?" i said yes. when i got home i sent a message saying sorry if that came across wrong i was angry with my daughter for not waiting for me where she knows she should. i was told that wouldn't of left with her (she already had if she was halfway out of the school) she would of sent her back to the classroom if i wasn't at the gate (we have no arrangement for this and her teacher won't still be there) and i was rude for telling her to send my daughter back to wait for me! obviously i'm going to have a word with her teacher tomorrow but am i the asshole or is she out of line?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this has happened twice now, there is no prior arrangement for this to happen, the first time it happened i ignored it as a one off and the second time it happened i spoke up....... probably a little more angrily thank should of but i don't think i was rude. here it goes, i have 2 daughters (6 and 8 years old) they attend the same school but are in separate buildings with the same pick up time, naturally i'm always a few minutes late picking up whoever i pick up second. in my older daughters class she is friends with another kid and i am also friends with the mum, not very good friends, we don't talk that often and rarely meet up. twice now i've been on the way to get my older daughter and met her halfway out of the school with said friend and her mum. the first time i wasn't too keen on it as like i said there's no arrangement for my daughter to leave the school with her and when she's done this she hasn't known for sure that i am on the way as she hasn't called/messaged me to say she's with my daughter and would i like to meet them at the gate. i am in no way concerned for my daughter's safety or well being my issue is that if i miss them walking out i could get to my older daughters classroom and cause a panic for me and her teacher when i turn up looking for her and she's not there. also i work some evenings so need to get home quickly and don't want the possibility of having to hunt around for my child. when it happened the second time i said to the mum "if she tries to follow you out again can you send her back to wait". said become said "what am i supposed to do? leave her there looking for you?" i said yes. when i got home i sent a message saying sorry if that came across wrong i was angry with my daughter for not waiting for me where she knows she should. i was told that wouldn't of left with her (she already had if she was halfway out of the school) she would of sent her back to the classroom if i wasn't at the gate (we have no arrangement for this and her teacher won't still be there) and i was rude for telling her to send my daughter back to wait for me! obviously i'm going to have a word with her teacher tomorrow but am i the asshole or is she out of line? [/INST] nta, that is really weird and inappropriate for the other parent to do, and the teacher should not allow it. her phrasing was super judgy as well which is obnoxious. </s>
|
AITA for announcing my pregnancy at my sisters Trip to great wolf lodge?
|
sorry if i don’t use punctuation i’m on my phone.
this is also a throwaway
so basically me 29 (f) and my husband (35 m) have been trying for a baby for 2 years but have always had miscarriages well i am now 28 weeks pregnant and i live far away from family and don’t have much contact. well when me and husband arrived my mother looked at my belly and said are you pregnant i told her yes but not to tell anyone as it’s sisters birthday and i don’t want to fuck this up for her.
well when my aunt congratulates me i’m basically having to deal with everyone rubbing my belly i’m really anti with people touching me idk why it’s always been this way. well sister walks up to me and cusses me out saying you bitch you useless whore how dare you announce my pregnancy on my birthday i’m really shocked by this cause i have never seen her act this way.
well sister then says i’m an asshole and she then went as far to say she hopes i have a miscarriage this caught me off guard and i started crying. me and my husband go back to our room he consoles me and now sister is giving me the silent treatment.
my mil says that i’m an asshole and my cousins and my mother they say it’s fucked up how i did this on someone’s birthday aita here?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vqdops/aita_for_announcing_my_pregnancy_at_my_sisters/
|
2022-07-03 09:21:07
|
info: why you didn't tell them before going though? you realised you couldn't hide it and you're quite far along.
|
so if i read this correct you only told your mom right? and followed it up with don’t tell anyone. but somehow an aunt found out and there was a domino effect?
nta you told one person and you say people rubbed your belly. and i’m sorry people with eyes are kinda gonna notice. not like you can take of the belly or hide it as you please.
|
esh.
obviously, your sister is the biggest ah for the horrible things she said.
your mom's an ah for not respecting your wishes and keeping the news to herself.
but you are also an ah. you were going to a family event to celebrate your sister and you were visibly pregnant. it was very predictable that if you showed up, people would notice you were pregnant and spend a lot of time and attention on you and the baby. you should've made a point in announcing your pregnancy in advance.
|
i mean this dont make sense. 28 weeks pregnant its obvious youre pregnant. you should of said something before you arrived. sounds to me you did it on purpose to make her trip about your pregnancy. and do you and your family dont talk why wouldnt you say anything beofre you reaches 28 weeks. im going with yta
|
let me guess your real age... 15? 16? 14?
you can't have a miscarriage at 28 weeks, you can have a stillbirth 🙄.
and that "cussing" of your sister it's more teenager vocabulary to me than a 30ish person...
|
yta. you knew at 28 weeks that's not something most people can hide. you should have told people before, esp when it was for your sister's birthday, not just a family holiday or reunion.
|
you're 28 weeks pregnant and didn't tell anyone from your family? if you really didn't want to steal your sister's thunder, why didn't you tell family members before this event, when you know you'd show up visibly pregnant and people would notice? one would think you deliberately kept the pregnancy a secret, to indirectly announce it in person at this specific gathering. yta
|
why didn’t you tell your sister that mom guessed the news and you told her not to tell anyone? and why was your mil involved? none of this makes sense. tell your sister and cousins and aunt that your mom is the one who spread the news, not you. nta because you didn’t actually tell anyone, but for goodness sake stand up for yourself.
|
i don't believe that this is real. punctuation exists on phones and unfortunately not using it looks like it was written by a teenager (even if it wasn't).
|
yta because this isn't real.
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.390791 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: sorry if i don’t use punctuation i’m on my phone. this is also a throwaway so basically me 29 (f) and my husband (35 m) have been trying for a baby for 2 years but have always had miscarriages well i am now 28 weeks pregnant and i live far away from family and don’t have much contact. well when me and husband arrived my mother looked at my belly and said are you pregnant i told her yes but not to tell anyone as it’s sisters birthday and i don’t want to fuck this up for her. well when my aunt congratulates me i’m basically having to deal with everyone rubbing my belly i’m really anti with people touching me idk why it’s always been this way. well sister walks up to me and cusses me out saying you bitch you useless whore how dare you announce my pregnancy on my birthday i’m really shocked by this cause i have never seen her act this way. well sister then says i’m an asshole and she then went as far to say she hopes i have a miscarriage this caught me off guard and i started crying. me and my husband go back to our room he consoles me and now sister is giving me the silent treatment. my mil says that i’m an asshole and my cousins and my mother they say it’s fucked up how i did this on someone’s birthday aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
sorry if i don’t use punctuation i’m on my phone. this is also a throwaway so basically me 29 (f) and my husband (35 m) have been trying for a baby for 2 years but have always had miscarriages well i am now 28 weeks pregnant and i live far away from family and don’t have much contact. well when me and husband arrived my mother looked at my belly and said are you pregnant i told her yes but not to tell anyone as it’s sisters birthday and i don’t want to fuck this up for her. well when my aunt congratulates me i’m basically having to deal with everyone rubbing my belly i’m really anti with people touching me idk why it’s always been this way. well sister walks up to me and cusses me out saying you bitch you useless whore how dare you announce my pregnancy on my birthday i’m really shocked by this cause i have never seen her act this way. well sister then says i’m an asshole and she then went as far to say she hopes i have a miscarriage this caught me off guard and i started crying. me and my husband go back to our room he consoles me and now sister is giving me the silent treatment. my mil says that i’m an asshole and my cousins and my mother they say it’s fucked up how i did this on someone’s birthday aita here? [/INST] info: why you didn't tell them before going though? you realised you couldn't hide it and you're quite far along. </s>
|
AITA for "forcing" someone to eat vegetarian?
|
this christmas was the first time that i hosted a party at my apartment. it was me, my partner, and his family, who i've met here and there, but this was the first time that they managed to gather all in one place.
my partner and i are both vegetarian so we decided the food there was going to be plant-based, because why the hell not. we were very specific to choose meals/dishes that people would generally enjoy. our main meal was pesto pasta and plant-based burgers (i can't say the specific brand due to rules but if you know, then you know). we also had kale salad, harvest salad, butter biscuits, red bell pepper soup, mashed potatoes, a giant platter of fruits, french fries and probably some more that i'm not remembering. we had a lot of food and all of it was delicious.
anyhow, when lunch started, no one complained about the food and a lot of people seemed to like it, even going back for seconds. about half an hour in, while we were grilling the burgers, someone asked why the burger wasn't "bleeding" like meat usually does and that's when i said it was a plant-based burger. the majority reaction i got was just a "huh" or a "oh, i didn't notice," followed by them continuing to eat it.
however the one person that threw a fit was my partner's cousin, chris. when he found out that it was plant-based, he stopped eating immediately-- then when i asked him later how he was enjoying the food, he complained super loudly about how i was "forcing" him to eat vegan and ultimately "forcing" my views on him.
i was mostly just flabbergasted and didn't say anything, and someone else chimed in about how that's stupid and to just enjoy the food. but chris kept saying how it was uncool of me to force him to eat vegetarian. he eventually noticed that everything there was vegetarian, so he asked if i had anything with meat in my fridge, and i said that the closest things i had were eggs which he rejected. then he snacked on mashed potatoes and biscuits, and when someone mentioned the food, he piped up about how it was unfair what i was doing.
he ended leaving before most people. i've only met chris a few times now and i don't think we ever made any particular impressions on each other in the past, but i feel like i'll now be remembered as that "one oppressive vegetarian relative." aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s5xhzx/aita_for_forcing_someone_to_eat_vegetarian/
|
2022-01-17 06:50:57
|
nta - this is the kind of dude who takes a vegan to a grill restaurant and then mocks them for only eating salad.
you weren't forcing anything, you catered to your own needs and the guests loved it. if he wants meat so much he can uber a mcdonald's, fuckin weirdo.
|
nta. you’re the host and it’s what you provided. if someone doesn’t like it, that’s fine, but they shouldn’t be rude about it.
if you were the guest at someone else’s house and they served meat, would they be forcing your views on you? no probably not. sometimes dietary preferences don’t align but again you were hosting and your partner’s cousins could’ve had more grace about it.
|
since virtually all people eat vegetables, it’s not “forcing” anything to serve vegetables. what utter nonsense. nta
|
i am no vegetarian. regardless, your relative is stupid and you nta.
serving delicious vegetarian food in great variety is not "forcing your views on someone".
|
nta
some people can't enjoy a tomato without convincing themselves it's some sort of culture war.
|
nta. you're the one hosting; you decide the menu.
also, even among carnivores, not every meal needs to contain meat.
|
nta. who the heck needs to have meat in their food to be happy? and he didn’t even know it was vegan until you told him, so he must have been enjoying it! only thing is i *would* inform people that you’re feeding them a plant based burger just in case they have an allergy. but no it sounds like you’re def nta.
|
nta. you hosted a party at your apartment. generally the polite response is stfu and try to enjoy the food you are served when you are a guest at someone else's house. and if you go to a party at a vegetarian's house, expect the food to the vegetarian. if you don't like the food that is served, you just get something else to eat later, but you don't complain. you're a guest. chris was exceptionally entitled. you were not obligated to serve meat for him, and his behavior was grotesquely rude. he may try to call you that one oppressive vegetarian relative, but everyone else will likely remember him as chris the ah.
|
wtf? if he didn't even know he was not eating meat and was enjoying it previously, i don't see the problem?
does he have a medical condition where he'd die if he eats plant-based meat? will he die if he doesn't eat meat for a day?
if no to the above then fuck chris, he's just hating on vegetarians for no good reason.
nta.
|
nta. i am an omnivore but i certainly don't expect to be served meat (or even eggs/dairy) when visiting a vegetarian household.
chris is an ass.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this christmas was the first time that i hosted a party at my apartment. it was me, my partner, and his family, who i've met here and there, but this was the first time that they managed to gather all in one place. my partner and i are both vegetarian so we decided the food there was going to be plant-based, because why the hell not. we were very specific to choose meals/dishes that people would generally enjoy. our main meal was pesto pasta and plant-based burgers (i can't say the specific brand due to rules but if you know, then you know). we also had kale salad, harvest salad, butter biscuits, red bell pepper soup, mashed potatoes, a giant platter of fruits, french fries and probably some more that i'm not remembering. we had a lot of food and all of it was delicious. anyhow, when lunch started, no one complained about the food and a lot of people seemed to like it, even going back for seconds. about half an hour in, while we were grilling the burgers, someone asked why the burger wasn't "bleeding" like meat usually does and that's when i said it was a plant-based burger. the majority reaction i got was just a "huh" or a "oh, i didn't notice," followed by them continuing to eat it. however the one person that threw a fit was my partner's cousin, chris. when he found out that it was plant-based, he stopped eating immediately-- then when i asked him later how he was enjoying the food, he complained super loudly about how i was "forcing" him to eat vegan and ultimately "forcing" my views on him. i was mostly just flabbergasted and didn't say anything, and someone else chimed in about how that's stupid and to just enjoy the food. but chris kept saying how it was uncool of me to force him to eat vegetarian. he eventually noticed that everything there was vegetarian, so he asked if i had anything with meat in my fridge, and i said that the closest things i had were eggs which he rejected. then he snacked on mashed potatoes and biscuits, and when someone mentioned the food, he piped up about how it was unfair what i was doing. he ended leaving before most people. i've only met chris a few times now and i don't think we ever made any particular impressions on each other in the past, but i feel like i'll now be remembered as that "one oppressive vegetarian relative." aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this christmas was the first time that i hosted a party at my apartment. it was me, my partner, and his family, who i've met here and there, but this was the first time that they managed to gather all in one place. my partner and i are both vegetarian so we decided the food there was going to be plant-based, because why the hell not. we were very specific to choose meals/dishes that people would generally enjoy. our main meal was pesto pasta and plant-based burgers (i can't say the specific brand due to rules but if you know, then you know). we also had kale salad, harvest salad, butter biscuits, red bell pepper soup, mashed potatoes, a giant platter of fruits, french fries and probably some more that i'm not remembering. we had a lot of food and all of it was delicious. anyhow, when lunch started, no one complained about the food and a lot of people seemed to like it, even going back for seconds. about half an hour in, while we were grilling the burgers, someone asked why the burger wasn't "bleeding" like meat usually does and that's when i said it was a plant-based burger. the majority reaction i got was just a "huh" or a "oh, i didn't notice," followed by them continuing to eat it. however the one person that threw a fit was my partner's cousin, chris. when he found out that it was plant-based, he stopped eating immediately-- then when i asked him later how he was enjoying the food, he complained super loudly about how i was "forcing" him to eat vegan and ultimately "forcing" my views on him. i was mostly just flabbergasted and didn't say anything, and someone else chimed in about how that's stupid and to just enjoy the food. but chris kept saying how it was uncool of me to force him to eat vegetarian. he eventually noticed that everything there was vegetarian, so he asked if i had anything with meat in my fridge, and i said that the closest things i had were eggs which he rejected. then he snacked on mashed potatoes and biscuits, and when someone mentioned the food, he piped up about how it was unfair what i was doing. he ended leaving before most people. i've only met chris a few times now and i don't think we ever made any particular impressions on each other in the past, but i feel like i'll now be remembered as that "one oppressive vegetarian relative." aita? [/INST] nta - this is the kind of dude who takes a vegan to a grill restaurant and then mocks them for only eating salad. you weren't forcing anything, you catered to your own needs and the guests loved it. if he wants meat so much he can uber a mcdonald's, fuckin weirdo. </s>
|
AITA for banning my in-laws from giving my son stars as a reward?
|
my son is 4. we do this thing with him where we give him stars for good behaviour. if he gets 10 stars he gets a small prize and if he gets 50 he gets a big prize. any adult was allowed to give him stars.
unfortunately, my in-laws give him an excess number of stars for things like playing or even sitting and watching tv quietly. we’ve explained the stars are only supposed to be given for good behaviour but each time we go to their house they keep telling him he gets a star for doing normal kid stuff. in one visit, he can get anywhere from 10-30 stars which makes the whole thing redundant.
me and my husband finally decided that the stars would only be something me or him can give to our son. i explained to my in-laws the new rule and they’re not happy with our decision.
they said that since we didn’t give them a warning, that we shouldn’t have gone straight to banning them. i wouldn't change my mind and now they keep contacting my husband asking him to speak to me and convince me to change my mind.
aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sicgwm/aita_for_banning_my_inlaws_from_giving_my_son/
|
2022-02-02 02:06:06
|
nta
your kid, your rules.
however, that doesn't mean that there aren't other options ... including giving stars for "just normal stuff." find some way that the grandparents can celebrate their time with your kid. let them have their own reward system.
|
nta.
"i understand you love our son and want to give him everything. unfortunately, by giving him so many stars, you ruined the reward system for him by making it too easy. now he expects easy. until we can get things back under control to our satisfaction, only husband/wife and i can give him stars."
this needs to be said by both you and your husband to them anytime they ask. they need to understand that they ruined it and now you're fixing it.
separately, you might want to spend some time over in /r/justnomil. while yours aren't as bad as some, they have definite boundary stomping tendencies that you might find some help with.
|
nta
>we’ve explained the stars are only supposed to be given for good behaviour but each time we go to their house they keep telling him he gets a star for doing normal kid stuff.
you did tell them they were doing it when it shouldn't be done and they didn't listen. this to me sounds like a warning. what did they want you to do? threaten to stop first? they should have stopped after you explained it to them but they didn't.
|
nta. you did give them a warning when you "explained the stars are only supposed to be given for good behaviour" and they still persisted in "telling him he gets a star for doing normal kid stuff normal kid stuff"
they are adults, not children. they were already overstepping by interfering in your discipline process, they do not get more than one polite warning. it's their fault that they chose not to regard it as a warning and continued to ignore your wishes.
you and your husband need to explain this to them and further explain that this incident is itself a warning: you are the parents and they need to take what you say seriously. if they undermine you again, it will seriously impact your ability to trust them.
|
well nta, but i could’ve easily foreseen something like this happening. grandparents are going to spoil their grandkids. one star for effort.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my son is 4. we do this thing with him where we give him stars for good behaviour. if he gets 10 stars he gets a small prize and if he gets 50 he gets a big prize. any adult was allowed to give him stars. unfortunately, my in-laws give him an excess number of stars for things like playing or even sitting and watching tv quietly. we’ve explained the stars are only supposed to be given for good behaviour but each time we go to their house they keep telling him he gets a star for doing normal kid stuff. in one visit, he can get anywhere from 10-30 stars which makes the whole thing redundant. me and my husband finally decided that the stars would only be something me or him can give to our son. i explained to my in-laws the new rule and they’re not happy with our decision. they said that since we didn’t give them a warning, that we shouldn’t have gone straight to banning them. i wouldn't change my mind and now they keep contacting my husband asking him to speak to me and convince me to change my mind. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my son is 4. we do this thing with him where we give him stars for good behaviour. if he gets 10 stars he gets a small prize and if he gets 50 he gets a big prize. any adult was allowed to give him stars. unfortunately, my in-laws give him an excess number of stars for things like playing or even sitting and watching tv quietly. we’ve explained the stars are only supposed to be given for good behaviour but each time we go to their house they keep telling him he gets a star for doing normal kid stuff. in one visit, he can get anywhere from 10-30 stars which makes the whole thing redundant. me and my husband finally decided that the stars would only be something me or him can give to our son. i explained to my in-laws the new rule and they’re not happy with our decision. they said that since we didn’t give them a warning, that we shouldn’t have gone straight to banning them. i wouldn't change my mind and now they keep contacting my husband asking him to speak to me and convince me to change my mind. aita? [/INST] nta your kid, your rules. however, that doesn't mean that there aren't other options ... including giving stars for "just normal stuff." find some way that the grandparents can celebrate their time with your kid. let them have their own reward system. </s>
|
AITA if I misgendered two people at work
|
i just started a new job in a large office. one day, a coworker was giving me a rundown of people who worked in the office and mentioned “oh, james is transgender but you might see his original name on old documents.”
a couple days later i was making small talk with a group of people. i wasn’t sure of a couple of names of people in the group, but it didn’t matter for small talk so i didn’t ask. then, someone asked whose folder was on the table. without thinking, i said “oh it’s hers.” and pointed to james, although i didn’t know it was james. people immediately corrected me and i apologized, but james quickly left and i haven’t talked to him since.
then, a week after that, i was talking to a person with a gender neutral name, jamie. jamie left and someone asked me where jamie had gone. i said “she’s going on her break.” again, the person corrected me that jamie uses male pronouns. i have not talked to jamie about this conversation where i misgendered him.
i feel like i might be the asshole because i did the same thing to two people within the space of a week. i can tell certain coworkers were bothered by me misgendering people, but i’m not sure what more i could have done considering i apologized. aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c9uied/aita_if_i_misgendered_two_people_at_work/
|
2019-07-06 15:01:32
|
nah. i’m trans. shit happens, humans aren’t perfect.
|
nah - but yeah, in the future if you are unsure, use they/them--"whose folder is this?" "i think it's theirs." in the meantime, all you can do is apologize and try to remember for next time.
|
nah. you didn't do it with malicious intent. accidents happen. if you insisted on using the improper pronoun after being corrected, that would be different. you're new there, you can't be expected to know everyone and their preferred pronoun so quickly.
|
because you said you haven't spoken to james since...i'd apologize to james personally. no excuses or stories or anything, just "hey man, i'm sorry about the other day and won't do that again," you know? you weren't being an asshole purposely, but you mistakenly did him wrong, and that must have really sucked for him especially since it was in a group. nah. but if you don't fix up the situation, you could be.
i don't think you need to explain to jamie - quick mistake, but not in front of him. just take care around him in the future.
|
i tend to go with nta for honest mistakes. it might make people upset when you make a mistake, but you just apologize sincerely and that's how life works. just be careful.
|
nta, but going forward you can avoid things like this by not using gender-specific pronouns. i refer to my co-workers as "douchebag", "asshat", and "shithead" respectively. anyone of any gender (or none) can be a shithead.
if you think this makes me a fucktard, well, that's just my coworkers' nickname for me. truth is, i self-identify as more of a jackass.
/s
|
nta it was an honest mistake
| null | null | null |
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0.020199 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i just started a new job in a large office. one day, a coworker was giving me a rundown of people who worked in the office and mentioned “oh, james is transgender but you might see his original name on old documents.” a couple days later i was making small talk with a group of people. i wasn’t sure of a couple of names of people in the group, but it didn’t matter for small talk so i didn’t ask. then, someone asked whose folder was on the table. without thinking, i said “oh it’s hers.” and pointed to james, although i didn’t know it was james. people immediately corrected me and i apologized, but james quickly left and i haven’t talked to him since. then, a week after that, i was talking to a person with a gender neutral name, jamie. jamie left and someone asked me where jamie had gone. i said “she’s going on her break.” again, the person corrected me that jamie uses male pronouns. i have not talked to jamie about this conversation where i misgendered him. i feel like i might be the asshole because i did the same thing to two people within the space of a week. i can tell certain coworkers were bothered by me misgendering people, but i’m not sure what more i could have done considering i apologized. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i just started a new job in a large office. one day, a coworker was giving me a rundown of people who worked in the office and mentioned “oh, james is transgender but you might see his original name on old documents.” a couple days later i was making small talk with a group of people. i wasn’t sure of a couple of names of people in the group, but it didn’t matter for small talk so i didn’t ask. then, someone asked whose folder was on the table. without thinking, i said “oh it’s hers.” and pointed to james, although i didn’t know it was james. people immediately corrected me and i apologized, but james quickly left and i haven’t talked to him since. then, a week after that, i was talking to a person with a gender neutral name, jamie. jamie left and someone asked me where jamie had gone. i said “she’s going on her break.” again, the person corrected me that jamie uses male pronouns. i have not talked to jamie about this conversation where i misgendered him. i feel like i might be the asshole because i did the same thing to two people within the space of a week. i can tell certain coworkers were bothered by me misgendering people, but i’m not sure what more i could have done considering i apologized. aita? [/INST] nah. i’m trans. shit happens, humans aren’t perfect. </s>
|
WIBTA if I slipped a rude note under my neighbors door?
|
hello,
so for reference i have been living in my current apartment building since february. the unit next to ours was empty for the first two months or so, then a couple moved in. ever since they moved in, they’ve been obnoxious. i’m convinced neither of them work and that the woman is not on the lease, as all they do is blare music and cackle loudly at all hours of the day. they frequently take turns locking each other out and banging on the door for hours to be let in. they throw things around and yell at each other late at night.
we finally reached out to the on-site land lady, who said this behavior was unacceptable. things quieted down for awhile, they still played music loudly but i kinda brushed it off as i’m sure we have done noisy things too. can’t expect them to be silent all the time.
so, another relevant point is that i have ptsd with recurring nightmares about people entering my apartment/room. it causes me a lot of anxiety, to the point where i obsess about the door being locked.
last night our *lovely* neighbors started banging on our door and yelling to be let in at 3:30 am. this immediately triggered a panic attack for me and i woke up my partner in bed while hyperventilating. i was terrified as they relentlessly knocked and called out a name that wasn’t mine or my partners. my boyfriend got up to go near the door which made me feel worse. i kept repeating “don’t open don’t open don’t open!” he said through the door “i think you have the wrong apartment”, and he heard the one next to us open their door. i don’t know if they heard us or if the one next door heard the yelling, but either way it stopped after that. the confusing thing is that in my building you need a fob to get in, up the elevator/stairs, and then a key for each unit. how did these people get in this early in the morning without the unit owner waiting for them or getting them from the lobby?
i have been a wreck all day since. i’m jittery and still feeling triggered. my partner is tempted to slip a note under their door, saying something like “don’t knock on our door at 3am asshole!”
would we be the assholes if we did that? i’m just not sure what else the building management can do if they’ve been warned once and won’t listen.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhf6ig/wibta_if_i_slipped_a_rude_note_under_my_neighbors/
|
2019-10-13 19:24:23
|
nta. but the note will not have any effect. keep a diary of all the times they're loud, and keep complaining to the land lady. eventually the building management will throw them out.
|
nta, but anonymous notes are not the way to go, imo.
if you aren't willing to try and talk to your neighbor, then contact the management company and explain what happened. if you aren't sure which neighbor it is, then there's no reason to leave a note.
i would have opened the door and taken photo or video of the offender to get them banned from the apartment complex.
it's always better to say something than leave an anonymous note.
|
continue complaining to management. this is insane. if someone is pounding crazy on your door in the middle of the night, make a recording of it for management to hear or call the police. you should not be living in fear.
|
nta. call your landlord if you share a landlord, tell them your problems and that they need to be fixed. if that doesn't work, call the police next time.
a note would be meh, could just be passive aggressive and cause more tension. these people sound like they don't give a shit about you, so they might toss it and not care what happens.
|
nta but i can guarantee passive-aggression is going to have absolutely no effect on these people and might even make them view you as pushovers. go with your boyfriend during the day when it doesn't sound like they have much company and knock on their door to speak to them directly. there's not a ton you can do for noise during the day, but the excessive noises at night is unacceptable.
let them know you wanted to speak to them before anything else. having lived next to neighbors like that before, it's unlikely this will be a productive conversation but at least you can say you tried. if (when) the noise continues, record it. then report it to building management again, especially the fob issue. if the noise continues into the late hours, call the cops. be sure to inform management you'll be calling the police as much as necessary until something is done.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hello, so for reference i have been living in my current apartment building since february. the unit next to ours was empty for the first two months or so, then a couple moved in. ever since they moved in, they’ve been obnoxious. i’m convinced neither of them work and that the woman is not on the lease, as all they do is blare music and cackle loudly at all hours of the day. they frequently take turns locking each other out and banging on the door for hours to be let in. they throw things around and yell at each other late at night. we finally reached out to the on-site land lady, who said this behavior was unacceptable. things quieted down for awhile, they still played music loudly but i kinda brushed it off as i’m sure we have done noisy things too. can’t expect them to be silent all the time. so, another relevant point is that i have ptsd with recurring nightmares about people entering my apartment/room. it causes me a lot of anxiety, to the point where i obsess about the door being locked. last night our *lovely* neighbors started banging on our door and yelling to be let in at 3:30 am. this immediately triggered a panic attack for me and i woke up my partner in bed while hyperventilating. i was terrified as they relentlessly knocked and called out a name that wasn’t mine or my partners. my boyfriend got up to go near the door which made me feel worse. i kept repeating “don’t open don’t open don’t open!” he said through the door “i think you have the wrong apartment”, and he heard the one next to us open their door. i don’t know if they heard us or if the one next door heard the yelling, but either way it stopped after that. the confusing thing is that in my building you need a fob to get in, up the elevator/stairs, and then a key for each unit. how did these people get in this early in the morning without the unit owner waiting for them or getting them from the lobby? i have been a wreck all day since. i’m jittery and still feeling triggered. my partner is tempted to slip a note under their door, saying something like “don’t knock on our door at 3am asshole!” would we be the assholes if we did that? i’m just not sure what else the building management can do if they’ve been warned once and won’t listen.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hello, so for reference i have been living in my current apartment building since february. the unit next to ours was empty for the first two months or so, then a couple moved in. ever since they moved in, they’ve been obnoxious. i’m convinced neither of them work and that the woman is not on the lease, as all they do is blare music and cackle loudly at all hours of the day. they frequently take turns locking each other out and banging on the door for hours to be let in. they throw things around and yell at each other late at night. we finally reached out to the on-site land lady, who said this behavior was unacceptable. things quieted down for awhile, they still played music loudly but i kinda brushed it off as i’m sure we have done noisy things too. can’t expect them to be silent all the time. so, another relevant point is that i have ptsd with recurring nightmares about people entering my apartment/room. it causes me a lot of anxiety, to the point where i obsess about the door being locked. last night our *lovely* neighbors started banging on our door and yelling to be let in at 3:30 am. this immediately triggered a panic attack for me and i woke up my partner in bed while hyperventilating. i was terrified as they relentlessly knocked and called out a name that wasn’t mine or my partners. my boyfriend got up to go near the door which made me feel worse. i kept repeating “don’t open don’t open don’t open!” he said through the door “i think you have the wrong apartment”, and he heard the one next to us open their door. i don’t know if they heard us or if the one next door heard the yelling, but either way it stopped after that. the confusing thing is that in my building you need a fob to get in, up the elevator/stairs, and then a key for each unit. how did these people get in this early in the morning without the unit owner waiting for them or getting them from the lobby? i have been a wreck all day since. i’m jittery and still feeling triggered. my partner is tempted to slip a note under their door, saying something like “don’t knock on our door at 3am asshole!” would we be the assholes if we did that? i’m just not sure what else the building management can do if they’ve been warned once and won’t listen. [/INST] nta. but the note will not have any effect. keep a diary of all the times they're loud, and keep complaining to the land lady. eventually the building management will throw them out. </s>
|
WIBTA if I don't invite my trans brother to dress shopping/bridal shower etc.?
|
hi! i've been engaged for about 8 months now and finally got the bridal party to settle on a date to go dress shopping. i was talking about this with my mother and my brother (ftm, obviously) said he wanted to come. i said no boys allowed and he asked if he'll be excluded from future girls only wedding things and i said yes. he was kind of bummed cause he just likes to hang out with me and my friends (we love to hang with him too) but understood.
my mom thinks i'm taking away a bonding experience but she doesn't really care too much either but i do feel bad still.
aita if i don't let him come? it's just cause it's only girls.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cjklgo/wibta_if_i_dont_invite_my_trans_brother_to_dress/
|
2019-07-30 01:20:48
|
nah. i certainly didn’t take my brothers dress shopping with me, i can’t imagine how this is any different. maybe give him a special task like helping you with invitations or something.
|
nah.
1st, i was a groomsmaid at a couple weddings, some things are generally women only and thats really okay.
2nd, sounds like acceptance to me. include him in other stuff, naturally, but if you wouldn't let a male best friend come, well that sounds like trans acceptance to me
my verdict, nah.
|
[deleted]
|
nah. i mean, ftm, he is just one of the guys so you do have the right to say no.
|
nah if he wants to live his life as a man then he can’t get upset about not being one the girls anymore. that’s part of it!
|
nah. but, why does it need to be “girls only”. it doesn’t sound like this decision is to be punitive or spiteful in any way, but there are separate changing rooms and if everyone enjoys his company i don’t see an actual issue. congratulations on the pending nuptials!
|
ironically, not including your brother in "girls only activities" shows that you fully consider him to be a man. nta.
|
[deleted]
| null | null |
NAH
|
NAH
| null |
NAH
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0.032351 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: hi! i've been engaged for about 8 months now and finally got the bridal party to settle on a date to go dress shopping. i was talking about this with my mother and my brother (ftm, obviously) said he wanted to come. i said no boys allowed and he asked if he'll be excluded from future girls only wedding things and i said yes. he was kind of bummed cause he just likes to hang out with me and my friends (we love to hang with him too) but understood. my mom thinks i'm taking away a bonding experience but she doesn't really care too much either but i do feel bad still. aita if i don't let him come? it's just cause it's only girls.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
hi! i've been engaged for about 8 months now and finally got the bridal party to settle on a date to go dress shopping. i was talking about this with my mother and my brother (ftm, obviously) said he wanted to come. i said no boys allowed and he asked if he'll be excluded from future girls only wedding things and i said yes. he was kind of bummed cause he just likes to hang out with me and my friends (we love to hang with him too) but understood. my mom thinks i'm taking away a bonding experience but she doesn't really care too much either but i do feel bad still. aita if i don't let him come? it's just cause it's only girls. [/INST] nah. i certainly didn’t take my brothers dress shopping with me, i can’t imagine how this is any different. maybe give him a special task like helping you with invitations or something. </s>
|
AITA for wanting more physical privacy at home?
|
(throwaway account because this is awkward).
my mother has been making me (16f) feel incredibly uncomfortable due to her lack of respect for my physical privacy. she holds the belief that mothers and daughters should be comfortable with each other's nudity, even when the daughter is approaching adulthood. as a result, she will often come into my bedroom or the bathroom unannounced while either of us is naked and make no apologies. she also gets angry when i lock the bathroom door. the worst part is that if i try to avert my eyes, cover myself up, or tell her she is making me uncomfortable, she yells at me and accuses me of just wanting to make her feel bad. i know that it is her house and her rules, but i feel as though i deserve some more privacy than i am currently given. is my mother's behaviour normal?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cubfg5/aita_for_wanting_more_physical_privacy_at_home/
|
2019-08-23 09:22:23
|
nta. physical or not, you are entitled to your own body and your own privacy. it doesn't matter if shes your mother. if you want privacy, she should give it to you. and it's not normal for getting yelled at for locking a bathroom door wtf.
|
nta - this is completely inappropriate.
|
nta it's sexual abuse and you should have a serious talk with your parents about that. parents walking naked or intruding your space when you're naked is not normal.
|
nta. you need to explain to her that your comfort level is different than hers and that you have different views in modesty. she probably doesn’t see what she’s doing as being weird because she’s comfortable with nudity.
|
nta she doesn’t sound right in the head. to barge into her daughter room while she’s naked. or barge into the bathroom.
helping you’re kind bath while they are little is one thing. but that’s just so messed up especially since she gets mad and upset with you in this situation if you tell her you’re uncomfortable.
imagine what people would say if it was a grown man walking into his 16yo sons room or even the bathroom while he’s naked.
i hope your ok and none of this has hurt you’re mental health
|
nta. all healthy relationships contain a degree of privacy. i'd recommend raising the issue with your mam in a neutral setting, not in the heat of the moment. explain to her that you respect her desire for intimacy, but that your right to privacy is equally important.
|
nta! this is incredibly strange, in my opinion, and borders on abuse. have you ever told anyone about this?
|
nta
nnnnnntttttttaaaaaaaaa at all!
"her house, her rules" sure... but more importantly, "your body, your rules"
so you can't exactly stop her from wearing what she wants around the house. but you get to make the same choice for yourself, both for what you wear and for where you rest your eyes.
this sounds like a misguided attempt to raise you to be comfortable with your body. she can endorse those views, but she really shouldn't be forcing it on you this way. it is abusive.
|
nta. privacy is every teen's need. nip it in the bud before it turns in something like sexual harassment(no offence to your mother). talk to your father about it and have a family sit down conversation.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: (throwaway account because this is awkward). my mother has been making me (16f) feel incredibly uncomfortable due to her lack of respect for my physical privacy. she holds the belief that mothers and daughters should be comfortable with each other's nudity, even when the daughter is approaching adulthood. as a result, she will often come into my bedroom or the bathroom unannounced while either of us is naked and make no apologies. she also gets angry when i lock the bathroom door. the worst part is that if i try to avert my eyes, cover myself up, or tell her she is making me uncomfortable, she yells at me and accuses me of just wanting to make her feel bad. i know that it is her house and her rules, but i feel as though i deserve some more privacy than i am currently given. is my mother's behaviour normal?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
(throwaway account because this is awkward). my mother has been making me (16f) feel incredibly uncomfortable due to her lack of respect for my physical privacy. she holds the belief that mothers and daughters should be comfortable with each other's nudity, even when the daughter is approaching adulthood. as a result, she will often come into my bedroom or the bathroom unannounced while either of us is naked and make no apologies. she also gets angry when i lock the bathroom door. the worst part is that if i try to avert my eyes, cover myself up, or tell her she is making me uncomfortable, she yells at me and accuses me of just wanting to make her feel bad. i know that it is her house and her rules, but i feel as though i deserve some more privacy than i am currently given. is my mother's behaviour normal? [/INST] nta. physical or not, you are entitled to your own body and your own privacy. it doesn't matter if shes your mother. if you want privacy, she should give it to you. and it's not normal for getting yelled at for locking a bathroom door wtf. </s>
|
AITA for not letting my mother come to an event with my sister?
|
i (24m) am with my girlfriend (23f) for three years now. i only see my family every 3 months or so. me and my gf promised to my sister (9f) to get her to a zoo where we live as her birthday present. she was happy about it but then my mother (46f) told me that she is coming also. no problem with that but then 2 days before the event she told me that she really doesn't like my gf and she wants her not to come.
i was getting upset because it was our gift to my little sister and i wanted that day to go as planned. i was in an argument with my mom about this and tried to fix it for both of them to come. then my mom said that "if she is coming then we won't". "we" like my mother and my sister. i didn't know what was her problem since my gf is super nice with everybody she couldn't hurt a fly. and i had no idea she doesn't like my gf at all.
so i told my mom not to come and then she called off the whole event and didn't let my sister spend a day with us.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p7juq9/aita_for_not_letting_my_mother_come_to_an_event/
|
2021-08-19 17:49:05
|
nta. it was a joint gift to your little sister, your girlfriend had every right to come. your mother sounds controlling, to take away a little girl's promised birthday present because she wasn't willing to be an adult and get along with other adults. i can only imagine how she's spinning this to your sister.
|
nta your mom acted childish. she invited herself on your planned outing then tried to dictate who would be along. when she didn't her way, she ruined the entire thing for everyone. childish. why doesn't she like your gf?
|
nta. your mom is behaving rudely to your girlfriend and needs to accept that as long as she wants a relationship with you, the girlfriend is going to be in her life as well. you are perfectly in the right to exclude her if she is not going to be on good behavior.
|
nta
but your mom sounds like a narcissist who wants everything to be about her.
also i find it despicable behaviour weaponizing kids for your own agenda.
it's what she did! she deprived her own kid because she didn't get her way and threw a tantrum!
|
nta - but your mom is
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (24m) am with my girlfriend (23f) for three years now. i only see my family every 3 months or so. me and my gf promised to my sister (9f) to get her to a zoo where we live as her birthday present. she was happy about it but then my mother (46f) told me that she is coming also. no problem with that but then 2 days before the event she told me that she really doesn't like my gf and she wants her not to come. i was getting upset because it was our gift to my little sister and i wanted that day to go as planned. i was in an argument with my mom about this and tried to fix it for both of them to come. then my mom said that "if she is coming then we won't". "we" like my mother and my sister. i didn't know what was her problem since my gf is super nice with everybody she couldn't hurt a fly. and i had no idea she doesn't like my gf at all. so i told my mom not to come and then she called off the whole event and didn't let my sister spend a day with us.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (24m) am with my girlfriend (23f) for three years now. i only see my family every 3 months or so. me and my gf promised to my sister (9f) to get her to a zoo where we live as her birthday present. she was happy about it but then my mother (46f) told me that she is coming also. no problem with that but then 2 days before the event she told me that she really doesn't like my gf and she wants her not to come. i was getting upset because it was our gift to my little sister and i wanted that day to go as planned. i was in an argument with my mom about this and tried to fix it for both of them to come. then my mom said that "if she is coming then we won't". "we" like my mother and my sister. i didn't know what was her problem since my gf is super nice with everybody she couldn't hurt a fly. and i had no idea she doesn't like my gf at all. so i told my mom not to come and then she called off the whole event and didn't let my sister spend a day with us. [/INST] nta. it was a joint gift to your little sister, your girlfriend had every right to come. your mother sounds controlling, to take away a little girl's promised birthday present because she wasn't willing to be an adult and get along with other adults. i can only imagine how she's spinning this to your sister. </s>
|
WIBTA to tell my mother she can’t watch my kid 100% of the time?
|
this is such a first world problem, but is already causing issues and we’re a few weeks into this pregnancy journey.
my mother (58) lives with my partner and i. she pays her own bills, the groceries and dinners out in lieu of rent. (she a widow living off a small pension & a keep her busy part time job).
my partners mother (64) is fully retired and lives twenty minutes from us. she spends half her week watching her grand sons (3&7) and the rest doing “me time”.
we’re due in july, and i will be returning to work sometime in september. my mom has told me she’s going to quit her job to watch the baby. that’s great! daycare is expensive and we appreciate it.
problem is, my partners mother would also like to watch the bub as well during the week. we’ve both assured our mothers they’re going to get time with the baby, blah blah.
partners mother is claiming because my mother lives with us, she shouldn’t be allowed to “hog” baby. my mother says it’s just logical, and would make her feel more useful around the house. my mother also argues that partners mother has her other grandchildren three days a week, and her other grandchildren live hours away.
so i want to go all solomon on them both and set a schedule, such as my mom m-w(when partners mom has her much older grand children) and then partners mom t-f + date nights.
my sister is calling me ta because my mom lives with us, why shouldn’t she watch him 5 days a week? meanwhile partner is hearing it from his stepdad that we’re planning on playing keep away with the baby if we don’t let his mom watch the baby. (“she’s already watching 3&7! one more wont be a problem!)
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dynizs/wibta_to_tell_my_mother_she_cant_watch_my_kid_100/
|
2019-11-19 17:25:58
|
nta. it's a wonderful problem to have, so many people wanting to watch your baby. you're absolutely right to set it up so both grandmothers get time with the newborn and it doesn't take away from anyone's worth or love of the child.
|
nah! they all have decided to love your baby and all want to make sure to spend time with that baby. this kicks ass! but i think your mom needs to be a little more considerate of your partner's family's feelings. she's right that it is logical. it's a little silly to put things in terms of "hogging"...
nobody is entitled to your baby. the "keep away" comment from partner's stepdad crosses a (minor, one you'll probably get over) line and you should make it clear that this frame doesn't work for you. you will do what is best for you and your baby, and sometimes that does mean doing what is most convenient. everyone's gonna need to be mature about that.
but i mean, you already acknowledged at the top that this isn't the worst problem in the universe. it sounds like everything is coming from a place of love. you just might need to toughen up a little bit (i'm not saying you aren't already, just that fatherhood will require *even more*) and let them know that love cannot cross over into possessiveness here.
|
nta.
it's about convenience and respect. if it's impossible to bring the child to your partner's mother, then it's understandable for your mother to watch the child. if you can make it work, then your partner's mother should have the right to babysit.
|
personally, i would be (and am) concerned mostly with this notion that you're "keeping the baby away" or that someone else is "hogging" it.
like i'm sure they mean well but your in-laws know this is *your* baby not theirs, right?
anyway, nta. you and your husband decide what works best for the two of you and your children. everyone else will have to deal with it.
|
they are both seriously underestimating just how much they will want time away from your kid. don't be preemptive. let it play out.
|
nah your schedule seems fine, also i think when baby is actually here your mom probably won't want to actually watch it 5 days a week that's alot nor will his mom want to watch kids 5 days a week every week so i'm sure in real life everyone will get plenty of baby time.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NAH
| null | null | null | null | 0.009798 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: this is such a first world problem, but is already causing issues and we’re a few weeks into this pregnancy journey. my mother (58) lives with my partner and i. she pays her own bills, the groceries and dinners out in lieu of rent. (she a widow living off a small pension & a keep her busy part time job). my partners mother (64) is fully retired and lives twenty minutes from us. she spends half her week watching her grand sons (3&7) and the rest doing “me time”. we’re due in july, and i will be returning to work sometime in september. my mom has told me she’s going to quit her job to watch the baby. that’s great! daycare is expensive and we appreciate it. problem is, my partners mother would also like to watch the bub as well during the week. we’ve both assured our mothers they’re going to get time with the baby, blah blah. partners mother is claiming because my mother lives with us, she shouldn’t be allowed to “hog” baby. my mother says it’s just logical, and would make her feel more useful around the house. my mother also argues that partners mother has her other grandchildren three days a week, and her other grandchildren live hours away. so i want to go all solomon on them both and set a schedule, such as my mom m-w(when partners mom has her much older grand children) and then partners mom t-f + date nights. my sister is calling me ta because my mom lives with us, why shouldn’t she watch him 5 days a week? meanwhile partner is hearing it from his stepdad that we’re planning on playing keep away with the baby if we don’t let his mom watch the baby. (“she’s already watching 3&7! one more wont be a problem!)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
this is such a first world problem, but is already causing issues and we’re a few weeks into this pregnancy journey. my mother (58) lives with my partner and i. she pays her own bills, the groceries and dinners out in lieu of rent. (she a widow living off a small pension & a keep her busy part time job). my partners mother (64) is fully retired and lives twenty minutes from us. she spends half her week watching her grand sons (3&7) and the rest doing “me time”. we’re due in july, and i will be returning to work sometime in september. my mom has told me she’s going to quit her job to watch the baby. that’s great! daycare is expensive and we appreciate it. problem is, my partners mother would also like to watch the bub as well during the week. we’ve both assured our mothers they’re going to get time with the baby, blah blah. partners mother is claiming because my mother lives with us, she shouldn’t be allowed to “hog” baby. my mother says it’s just logical, and would make her feel more useful around the house. my mother also argues that partners mother has her other grandchildren three days a week, and her other grandchildren live hours away. so i want to go all solomon on them both and set a schedule, such as my mom m-w(when partners mom has her much older grand children) and then partners mom t-f + date nights. my sister is calling me ta because my mom lives with us, why shouldn’t she watch him 5 days a week? meanwhile partner is hearing it from his stepdad that we’re planning on playing keep away with the baby if we don’t let his mom watch the baby. (“she’s already watching 3&7! one more wont be a problem!) [/INST] nta. it's a wonderful problem to have, so many people wanting to watch your baby. you're absolutely right to set it up so both grandmothers get time with the newborn and it doesn't take away from anyone's worth or love of the child. </s>
|
AITA for reporting my mailman over some cat food?
|
so like most people these days, i try to avoid going out in public as much as possible. as part of this, i order most things to be delivered to me as opposed to going out to the store to buy it. this includes stuff for my cat. i have a delivery set up for once a month for my cat’s food and litter. most of the stuff i order is delivered via amazon, fedex, ups, lasership and ends up on my front doorstep with no problem. but the pet delivery is delivered by the usps and is never brought to my door.
for reference, i live in a small apartment complex and most of the apartments have entrances in the front of the building but mine and one other are down one flight of stairs and in the back of the building.
every single month, my cat packages are left sitting on the sidewalk or at the top of the stairs or in front of my neighbor’s door. most recently, the mailman left it by the bushes behind the stairs going up to my neighbors apartment.
now i am perfectly capable of carrying the box down the stairs to my apartment so that isn’t really the issue. one of the issues is that i don’t know when i get a package because it’s not at my door. i once walked past my package on the sidewalk for 3 days before i realized it was supposed to be delivered to me. annoying, but i’ve set up alerts to remind me when my auto ship arrives. the other issue is that i don’t know where the mailman is going to put my package. i spent 10 min in the dark in the pouring rain last night trying to figure out where my package had been placed because it wasn’t brought to my door.
when i finally found the package and got back inside, i was really pissed about it and i filed an official complaint with the post office about my mailman. i kind of feel like an ah now though. i’ve never been a mailman so i don’t know if that’s a big deal or not to have a complaint filed but i can’t imagine it reflects well. so aita for filing a complaint about this? or should i have just let it go?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kf0et9/aita_for_reporting_my_mailman_over_some_cat_food/
|
2020-12-17 16:18:39
|
nta - the variable delivery locations are not acceptable.
|
usa mailman here.
you are nta. the complaint is very valid and we want you to tell us this. it keeps out level of service up. now if you were complaining that, say, the mailbox convert was never closed that would be a different thing. however your packages being left in random places is something that should absolutely be addressed.
|
there's an expectation of service for delivered items. leaving you to guess where the deliverer put your packages(!) is a failure on their part. there is nothing preventing this person from doing their job to the degree that is expected, and if there is, they need to address it with their employer, not by forcing you to do the "dirty work" (if that's how they see it). i would have complained too. as long as you were respectful as we don't know why this is happening, you are def' nta.
|
nta but it might have been worth taking some steps before filing a complaint. trying to talk to your mailman in person would probably be more effective. they are only human and they might be doing this out of confusion or because of tight deadlines. in addition, posting a sign as in “packages for apts #1-4 this way” would also make it more clear and eliminate any ambiguity. generally trying to resolve the issue or clear up confusion before a complaint is the right move.
|
nta
as someone who's worked with delivering packages, it's actually fire-able if the customer has paid for "to-door"-delivery and you don't do it. actually, i'd say that this is **worse** than just driving to the mailbox and slipping in a "oh, you weren't home, so you have to get your package at the office instead"-note, without knocking on the door, because you have to sign that the recipient got their package... with the recipients signature.
|
what, don't you like playing hide-and-seek with the postal service?/s
nta, the delivery should be in a consistent place at the very least!
|
nta. it sounds like your mail man it either super lazy and just wants to make things inconvenient for you.
thats not okay. maybe people rely on the mail as the cannot leave their houses due to disabilities or covid and hiding packages is childish. also, it makes it much easier for it to be stolen..
nta it good you reported him, he needs to realize this isnt okay
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so like most people these days, i try to avoid going out in public as much as possible. as part of this, i order most things to be delivered to me as opposed to going out to the store to buy it. this includes stuff for my cat. i have a delivery set up for once a month for my cat’s food and litter. most of the stuff i order is delivered via amazon, fedex, ups, lasership and ends up on my front doorstep with no problem. but the pet delivery is delivered by the usps and is never brought to my door. for reference, i live in a small apartment complex and most of the apartments have entrances in the front of the building but mine and one other are down one flight of stairs and in the back of the building. every single month, my cat packages are left sitting on the sidewalk or at the top of the stairs or in front of my neighbor’s door. most recently, the mailman left it by the bushes behind the stairs going up to my neighbors apartment. now i am perfectly capable of carrying the box down the stairs to my apartment so that isn’t really the issue. one of the issues is that i don’t know when i get a package because it’s not at my door. i once walked past my package on the sidewalk for 3 days before i realized it was supposed to be delivered to me. annoying, but i’ve set up alerts to remind me when my auto ship arrives. the other issue is that i don’t know where the mailman is going to put my package. i spent 10 min in the dark in the pouring rain last night trying to figure out where my package had been placed because it wasn’t brought to my door. when i finally found the package and got back inside, i was really pissed about it and i filed an official complaint with the post office about my mailman. i kind of feel like an ah now though. i’ve never been a mailman so i don’t know if that’s a big deal or not to have a complaint filed but i can’t imagine it reflects well. so aita for filing a complaint about this? or should i have just let it go?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so like most people these days, i try to avoid going out in public as much as possible. as part of this, i order most things to be delivered to me as opposed to going out to the store to buy it. this includes stuff for my cat. i have a delivery set up for once a month for my cat’s food and litter. most of the stuff i order is delivered via amazon, fedex, ups, lasership and ends up on my front doorstep with no problem. but the pet delivery is delivered by the usps and is never brought to my door. for reference, i live in a small apartment complex and most of the apartments have entrances in the front of the building but mine and one other are down one flight of stairs and in the back of the building. every single month, my cat packages are left sitting on the sidewalk or at the top of the stairs or in front of my neighbor’s door. most recently, the mailman left it by the bushes behind the stairs going up to my neighbors apartment. now i am perfectly capable of carrying the box down the stairs to my apartment so that isn’t really the issue. one of the issues is that i don’t know when i get a package because it’s not at my door. i once walked past my package on the sidewalk for 3 days before i realized it was supposed to be delivered to me. annoying, but i’ve set up alerts to remind me when my auto ship arrives. the other issue is that i don’t know where the mailman is going to put my package. i spent 10 min in the dark in the pouring rain last night trying to figure out where my package had been placed because it wasn’t brought to my door. when i finally found the package and got back inside, i was really pissed about it and i filed an official complaint with the post office about my mailman. i kind of feel like an ah now though. i’ve never been a mailman so i don’t know if that’s a big deal or not to have a complaint filed but i can’t imagine it reflects well. so aita for filing a complaint about this? or should i have just let it go? [/INST] nta - the variable delivery locations are not acceptable. </s>
|
AITA for not lending my phone to a homeless person
|
basically i was waiting for the tram and this homeless man approached me and asked if he could use my phone to ring someone because his bike had broke, i said no as my phone is recently new and didn't want to risk it. then he started swearing at me and saying no body helps anyone out anymore and that everyone is selfish. i'm unsure morally where i stand in this situation
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l3qcqi/aita_for_not_lending_my_phone_to_a_homeless_person/
|
2021-01-24 02:20:20
|
nta. there are ways to help people without putting one of your most costly possessions directly into their hands. guilt tripping is one of the main use cases for robbing kind individuals.
note: the gift of fear
everyone should read it
|
nta
if this were 15 years ago, that would be one thing.
today phones can cost $1,000+ and be packed to the brim with pretty much our entire lives on there.
"homeless" need not even enter into the situation; i don't think i'd trust **any** stranger (and more than a few colleagues) with my phone.
|
nta. it’s probably a bad idea to loan a cellphone to someone to use during a pandemic.
|
nta. i would've said no too, regardless of if he was homeless or not. my phone has too much personal information on it that i can't risk being stolen. not to mention the fact that we're in a global pandemic; you have every right not to let strangers touch your belongings
|
nta. while it may have been genuine, this is also a common scam to steal your phone.
if you can't afford to lose something, don't lend it out regardless of the situation.
|
nta. congrats on not becoming the victim of theft. there is literally no circumstance in which a stranger should take physical possession of your unlocked phone. i wouldn't even hold it out with the speakerphone on (as others are suggesting) because they will snatch it. there are plenty of businesses with phones and yes, payphones still exist. the only people who even ask to borrow others' phones (especially during a pandemic spread by respiration) are the people who are about to steal your phone.
|
nta. but i would have offered to call or text the person for the guy. or you could have dialed and put it on speaker?
|
whereas i would *make a call* for a stranger, i would certainly not hand my phone over. no way.
nta
|
nta. i don't know you and i don't trust you.
|
nta can’t he go to a nearby store they will mostly likely have phones
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: basically i was waiting for the tram and this homeless man approached me and asked if he could use my phone to ring someone because his bike had broke, i said no as my phone is recently new and didn't want to risk it. then he started swearing at me and saying no body helps anyone out anymore and that everyone is selfish. i'm unsure morally where i stand in this situation
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
basically i was waiting for the tram and this homeless man approached me and asked if he could use my phone to ring someone because his bike had broke, i said no as my phone is recently new and didn't want to risk it. then he started swearing at me and saying no body helps anyone out anymore and that everyone is selfish. i'm unsure morally where i stand in this situation [/INST] nta. there are ways to help people without putting one of your most costly possessions directly into their hands. guilt tripping is one of the main use cases for robbing kind individuals. note: the gift of fear everyone should read it </s>
|
AITA for getting my great grandmothers house
|
i (18 f) am going to lose my great grandmother soon. it's not anything sudden she's been in and out of hospitals the past year, and had a stroke last night. doctors don't think she's gonna make it through the day. i know off rip, mostly everything she possesses is going to her two daughters, and me. my mom has had this discussion with me and so has she. her two daughters are moving across the country once she passes because they have other family out there and are only in my state because of their mother. she lives in a house that my great grandfather built and i practically grew up in it. today the topic got brought up between my mother and sister on who was going to get the house. my mom told my sister ( 21 f) that it was more than likely going to be me. she did not take this news very well. she thinks that since she's older and "more responsible" that she should get the house. it became a big argument. my mom defended me because i spent so much time with my grandmother. when she was sick i would go sit with her and take care of her. i made sure to see her as often as i could, she will forever be one of my favorite people. my sister hasn't seen her in almost a year. she has had the opportunity too she jus didn't have the interest. here's why i feel like the ah. my sister is older than me, she has more life under her belt and could probably take better care of the house than me. also she's cried about the situation more than me. she's made that very clear because she feels like i don't care as much cus i barely have cried. i feel bad because i'm very upset i'm just not the crying type. aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/msvciq/aita_for_getting_my_great_grandmothers_house/
|
2021-04-17 17:46:43
|
nta
who gets the house is up to great grandma, end of story. it's hers, she gets to dispose of it as she fits. your mom, your sister, nor you get a say.
if after probate is settled you want to give her something, fine. that is another conversation
|
nta. it's ultimately your great grandmother's decision, and she obviously feels like you deserve it more. it's not up to your sister. you took the time to spend as much time with her as possible, and your sister didn't. it also doesn't seem like you feel entitled to anything and your sister does, which makes her an even bigger ah.
|
i feel like i either missed something or maybe this wasn't clear- is it written in the will that it's going to your sister or you? or is it going to your mother who then is deciding whether to give it to you or your sister.
either way, nta.
|
nta. you were there! i was in a similar situation with hen it came to my dad. my sister was less than 5 minutes down the road from him, i was 15... he always reached out to me. we split everything 50/50, but we really shouldn’t have. i was there, she wasn’t.
|
nta - this isn’t a decision you are making. death of family always brings out the worst in people - your sister is more worried about what she’s getting vs losing her grandmother. that’s very sad.
|
nta - your sister may be older than you but she certainly isn't as mature as you are. we only have the people we love for a finite time. she could have spent more time with your grandmother and she didn't. maybe that's a good thing - i doubt your grandmother would have looked forward to any visits made out of pity or to gain an inheritance.
you can learn how to repair and maintain a house. and you will. don't let anyone tell you how you felt about your grandmother or whether you should get the house.
tears aren't a measure of how much you care about someone. your sister is crying because she feels bad about herself, not about your grandmother. stay strong.
|
nta. it’s down to your great grandma who it goes to and that’s the end of it. if you feel like your sister would take better care of it maybe offer for her to pay rent and live there (with or without you idk your relationship) or try and maybe include her in decisions with it. but again nta.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i (18 f) am going to lose my great grandmother soon. it's not anything sudden she's been in and out of hospitals the past year, and had a stroke last night. doctors don't think she's gonna make it through the day. i know off rip, mostly everything she possesses is going to her two daughters, and me. my mom has had this discussion with me and so has she. her two daughters are moving across the country once she passes because they have other family out there and are only in my state because of their mother. she lives in a house that my great grandfather built and i practically grew up in it. today the topic got brought up between my mother and sister on who was going to get the house. my mom told my sister ( 21 f) that it was more than likely going to be me. she did not take this news very well. she thinks that since she's older and "more responsible" that she should get the house. it became a big argument. my mom defended me because i spent so much time with my grandmother. when she was sick i would go sit with her and take care of her. i made sure to see her as often as i could, she will forever be one of my favorite people. my sister hasn't seen her in almost a year. she has had the opportunity too she jus didn't have the interest. here's why i feel like the ah. my sister is older than me, she has more life under her belt and could probably take better care of the house than me. also she's cried about the situation more than me. she's made that very clear because she feels like i don't care as much cus i barely have cried. i feel bad because i'm very upset i'm just not the crying type. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i (18 f) am going to lose my great grandmother soon. it's not anything sudden she's been in and out of hospitals the past year, and had a stroke last night. doctors don't think she's gonna make it through the day. i know off rip, mostly everything she possesses is going to her two daughters, and me. my mom has had this discussion with me and so has she. her two daughters are moving across the country once she passes because they have other family out there and are only in my state because of their mother. she lives in a house that my great grandfather built and i practically grew up in it. today the topic got brought up between my mother and sister on who was going to get the house. my mom told my sister ( 21 f) that it was more than likely going to be me. she did not take this news very well. she thinks that since she's older and "more responsible" that she should get the house. it became a big argument. my mom defended me because i spent so much time with my grandmother. when she was sick i would go sit with her and take care of her. i made sure to see her as often as i could, she will forever be one of my favorite people. my sister hasn't seen her in almost a year. she has had the opportunity too she jus didn't have the interest. here's why i feel like the ah. my sister is older than me, she has more life under her belt and could probably take better care of the house than me. also she's cried about the situation more than me. she's made that very clear because she feels like i don't care as much cus i barely have cried. i feel bad because i'm very upset i'm just not the crying type. aita? [/INST] nta who gets the house is up to great grandma, end of story. it's hers, she gets to dispose of it as she fits. your mom, your sister, nor you get a say. if after probate is settled you want to give her something, fine. that is another conversation </s>
|
AITA for teaching my friend’s son ASL without her permission?
|
a little bit about me, i (25f) am autistic and have always had trouble communicating verbally. my best friend in middle school through high school was hard of hearing in one ear and completely deaf in the other, so she mostly used asl to communicate. i learned how to sign from her and i often use asl to both communicate with other deaf people but also because i feel i can better explain my thoughts through asl.
my friend (27f) has a 17 month old son who has yet to speak. he points to things, understands when spoken to and even makes sounds but he does not say words. his doctor said he would consider early intervention for speech delay if he was not speaking by 18 months. well, because i work from home and do not have a very demanding job, for the past 4 months or so i have been babysitting my friend’s son mon-thurs as she and her husband both work in-person 9-5s (kiddo stays with his grandma on fridays.) not thinking anything of it, i started teaching him some simple signs like “hungry” “more” “finish” “play” etc. and to my surprise, he has actually been picking up on it because apparently he was signing to his mom yesterday and she clocked it as asl. she was furious about this, and she says i am an absolute asshole for teaching asl to her son with a speech delay without even asking her, because now it will be even more difficult for him to ever learn how to speak and he will need speech therapy because of it. in a moment of frustration, i told her maybe she should be happy her son is actually communicating with her rather than focusing on how he is doing it since it isn’t harming anybody and suggested she learn asl instead of complaining about how her son communicates. she told me i would no longer be watching her son.
aita for teaching the kid asl?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z7kbsb/aita_for_teaching_my_friends_son_asl_without_her/
|
2022-11-29 05:17:03
|
nta. i work with children and study psychology and child development in school. studies actually suggest that not only will teaching sign language *not* delay a toddler’s speech, it actually improves speech development. her son very well may have a speech delay or perhaps a speech impediment, and you’re 100% right—she should be focused on the best way to communicate with her son rather than the fact that he currently expresses himself through signing rather than speaking. whether he has a neurodevelopmental disorder, a speech impediment or is just little late to reach certain milestones, there is literally no downside to him knowing how to sign. it can only help him.
|
nta. children pick up extra languages from their caregivers all the time. it helps their speech processing centers to develop. people used to hire "au pair" nannies from europe to improve their children's foreign language skills. your friend should be doing back flips for joy, and instead she's ungrateful.
|
nta, and signing is part of speech therapy for a lot of kids that age so that's a ridiculous stance for her to take.
people are really aggressively against asl in weird situations. parents of deaf kids not letting the kids sign because it's "abnormal" or "a crutch", that idea that hearing kids signing stunts language development, laughing at it because it's "weird", all that stuff. it's frustratingly widespread. i'm impressed the kid picked it up quickly, and i'm sure he loved being able to communicate with you. i feel personally irritated at her reaction even though it's none of my business lol, it's a pet peeve. anyways, if the kid does go to speech therapy and she hears how helpful asl is, maybe she'll apologize or something. fingers crossed i guess? lol
|
nta. our 6yo daughter is autistic and mostly non-verbal. we've done some asl and aac devices with our daughter. research shows that when kids can connect the visual and auditory senses, their speech tends to improve faster. any communication is better than no communication. i hope your "friend" comes around and learns to appreciate what you were doing.
|
wtf, people teach their kids to communicate like this when they can’t yet speak all the time. she needs to chill out and get over herself. she’s overreacting big time.
nta. she is.
|
nta. my kid had delayed speech. we were told to teach him signs as a bridge to allow him to communicate by our speech therapist
kid talks fine now … just needed a push in right direction
|
i am autistic and had a speech delay until i was six. i would have tried if asl was an option then. when a younger relative was showing delay, their parents did speech pathology and asl and they talk with both at the same time! your friend is misinformed and not helping their child find an avenue to learn. nta
|
esh. i taught my kiddos baby sign and some asl. but i'm their mom. when i was a sped teacher i used asl with some of my students, but i had permission from their parents first, because while it helps the kids at school, it's a language barrier between parent and child. you should have asked first and offered to teach mom so everyone was speaking at the same level. mom's the ah because asl has been shown to help with language. my guess is she is frustrated and scared
|
nta, but you should have told his mother, and you should have showed her the signs he'd learned. otherwise, both of them would be frustrated that she didn't understand what he was trying to communicate.
|
teaching a child sign actually increases their language abilities. a child being able to communicate with their parent in any form will keep them more relaxed because they are being understood. be more relaxed helps in learning. just because he does asl does not mean that he's not going to learn how to speak. if you're able to just please make sure you verbally include the word when you sign. and by the way most speech therapists will tell the mother of this it's a helpful thing and not a negative.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| null | 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: a little bit about me, i (25f) am autistic and have always had trouble communicating verbally. my best friend in middle school through high school was hard of hearing in one ear and completely deaf in the other, so she mostly used asl to communicate. i learned how to sign from her and i often use asl to both communicate with other deaf people but also because i feel i can better explain my thoughts through asl. my friend (27f) has a 17 month old son who has yet to speak. he points to things, understands when spoken to and even makes sounds but he does not say words. his doctor said he would consider early intervention for speech delay if he was not speaking by 18 months. well, because i work from home and do not have a very demanding job, for the past 4 months or so i have been babysitting my friend’s son mon-thurs as she and her husband both work in-person 9-5s (kiddo stays with his grandma on fridays.) not thinking anything of it, i started teaching him some simple signs like “hungry” “more” “finish” “play” etc. and to my surprise, he has actually been picking up on it because apparently he was signing to his mom yesterday and she clocked it as asl. she was furious about this, and she says i am an absolute asshole for teaching asl to her son with a speech delay without even asking her, because now it will be even more difficult for him to ever learn how to speak and he will need speech therapy because of it. in a moment of frustration, i told her maybe she should be happy her son is actually communicating with her rather than focusing on how he is doing it since it isn’t harming anybody and suggested she learn asl instead of complaining about how her son communicates. she told me i would no longer be watching her son. aita for teaching the kid asl?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
a little bit about me, i (25f) am autistic and have always had trouble communicating verbally. my best friend in middle school through high school was hard of hearing in one ear and completely deaf in the other, so she mostly used asl to communicate. i learned how to sign from her and i often use asl to both communicate with other deaf people but also because i feel i can better explain my thoughts through asl. my friend (27f) has a 17 month old son who has yet to speak. he points to things, understands when spoken to and even makes sounds but he does not say words. his doctor said he would consider early intervention for speech delay if he was not speaking by 18 months. well, because i work from home and do not have a very demanding job, for the past 4 months or so i have been babysitting my friend’s son mon-thurs as she and her husband both work in-person 9-5s (kiddo stays with his grandma on fridays.) not thinking anything of it, i started teaching him some simple signs like “hungry” “more” “finish” “play” etc. and to my surprise, he has actually been picking up on it because apparently he was signing to his mom yesterday and she clocked it as asl. she was furious about this, and she says i am an absolute asshole for teaching asl to her son with a speech delay without even asking her, because now it will be even more difficult for him to ever learn how to speak and he will need speech therapy because of it. in a moment of frustration, i told her maybe she should be happy her son is actually communicating with her rather than focusing on how he is doing it since it isn’t harming anybody and suggested she learn asl instead of complaining about how her son communicates. she told me i would no longer be watching her son. aita for teaching the kid asl? [/INST] nta. i work with children and study psychology and child development in school. studies actually suggest that not only will teaching sign language *not* delay a toddler’s speech, it actually improves speech development. her son very well may have a speech delay or perhaps a speech impediment, and you’re 100% right—she should be focused on the best way to communicate with her son rather than the fact that he currently expresses himself through signing rather than speaking. whether he has a neurodevelopmental disorder, a speech impediment or is just little late to reach certain milestones, there is literally no downside to him knowing how to sign. it can only help him. </s>
|
AITA for getting upset that my SO ate 3/4 of my fries?
|
so i'm new here and i'm on mobile, forgive me in advance should i make errors! this happened a while back and actually struck one of the dumbest fights to date that myself and my husband have had, but reading all of these posts, i wanna get y'alls opinions. i've really enjoyed this sub. we never have serious arguments by the way, we get along very well. he knows i'm writing this up, i quote "go ahead, post it, will validate my feelings on the matter" 😂
we were out one night, i was hungry, he wasn't terribly hungry/didn't really want much. so i ordered chili cheese fries for myself and he said he would eat some, maybe. no big deal, he won't eat as much as me, right? info on him, he's a faster eater than myself, so usually i have to eat quickly if we are sharing or eating together. info on me, i eat slower and don't really enjoy sharing food if i'm super hungry. he proceeds to eat so many of my fries very quickly, then starts to eat on my side of fries. i seriously got like 1/4 of them. so, i say something, which pisses him off. his argument was i should have just ordered more fries and not gotten upset, no big deal to him. my argument was hey you weren't even hungry and yet you demolished your side and mine.
like i said, dumb fight and we joke with each other about it now any time any kind of fry is purchased. but beautiful people of reddit, was i the asshole back then?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bqicu9/aita_for_getting_upset_that_my_so_ate_34_of_my/
|
2019-05-19 15:43:34
|
nta if he wanted fries he should have ordered his own
|
nta
eating 3/4 of a shared meal would be rude. eating 3/4 of someone elses food is really not on! i mean, of course you could have ordered more food, but he could have also ordered enough food in the first place or once he realized he was starving asked if he could have the lions share or if he should get some more. or at least apologised and said "yeah, whoops sorry i did eat most of them, shall i get you another portion?" he's definitely in the wrong here.
glad it's not a major argument though!
|
>his argument was i should have just ordered more fries and not gotten upset, no big deal to him.
lol what? nta, he sounds entitled af. tell him to buy his own fries next time.
|
nta, he is! i can't stand this kind of behavior, *he* should have ordered his own damn fries if he was so hungry (although he said he wasn't). sure, it's not that serious in the grand scheme of things, but still shows a lack of empathy and self awareness from his part.
|
nta
i absolutely hate that shit. when someone doesn't order i make it clear they won't get a molecule of my food. i'm paying for it, it's free food, i don't care if you throw it in the trash, just don't touch mine!
|
nta. there’s an important difference between ‘we’re sharing this’ and ‘i’ll have some of yours’. either way having over half is a dick move! but it’s also a very small thing in the scheme of things and it’s in the past now. you guys sound like you’ve fully resolved it and moved on.
|
nta. food is primal shit. it’s not a cutesy tee-hee game to snatch food off of someone’s plate. no matter how much the person may love you, you risk getting stabbed with a fork every time you reach to wolf down someone else’s food, and it would be your own fault.
sorry-not-sorry, op’s husband. if you’re “not hungry” when it’s time to order, then “omg must eat; will starve” when op’s delectable food arrives, you be a grown-up and tell the server that you want something after all. playing victim when you’re called out on something so obviously douchey is obnoxious.
|
nta. my so does this often too and i don’t appreciate it. they make it look like you’re not good at sharing, and apparently you need to be a mind reader and actually order the serving they keep saying they don’t want, otherwise you’re ta. twisted logic.
i’m a slow eater too, and the more i like something the slower i eat it, tasting it. my so inhales his food. i love to share food, never get upset about it. but if i’m hungry, i’m ordering/putting in my plate what i want to eat. sharing a bit is cool but if you eat half my plate it’s not cool.
tell your husband it’s him whom should have realized he was actually hungry and gone to order more fries.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so i'm new here and i'm on mobile, forgive me in advance should i make errors! this happened a while back and actually struck one of the dumbest fights to date that myself and my husband have had, but reading all of these posts, i wanna get y'alls opinions. i've really enjoyed this sub. we never have serious arguments by the way, we get along very well. he knows i'm writing this up, i quote "go ahead, post it, will validate my feelings on the matter" 😂 we were out one night, i was hungry, he wasn't terribly hungry/didn't really want much. so i ordered chili cheese fries for myself and he said he would eat some, maybe. no big deal, he won't eat as much as me, right? info on him, he's a faster eater than myself, so usually i have to eat quickly if we are sharing or eating together. info on me, i eat slower and don't really enjoy sharing food if i'm super hungry. he proceeds to eat so many of my fries very quickly, then starts to eat on my side of fries. i seriously got like 1/4 of them. so, i say something, which pisses him off. his argument was i should have just ordered more fries and not gotten upset, no big deal to him. my argument was hey you weren't even hungry and yet you demolished your side and mine. like i said, dumb fight and we joke with each other about it now any time any kind of fry is purchased. but beautiful people of reddit, was i the asshole back then?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so i'm new here and i'm on mobile, forgive me in advance should i make errors! this happened a while back and actually struck one of the dumbest fights to date that myself and my husband have had, but reading all of these posts, i wanna get y'alls opinions. i've really enjoyed this sub. we never have serious arguments by the way, we get along very well. he knows i'm writing this up, i quote "go ahead, post it, will validate my feelings on the matter" 😂 we were out one night, i was hungry, he wasn't terribly hungry/didn't really want much. so i ordered chili cheese fries for myself and he said he would eat some, maybe. no big deal, he won't eat as much as me, right? info on him, he's a faster eater than myself, so usually i have to eat quickly if we are sharing or eating together. info on me, i eat slower and don't really enjoy sharing food if i'm super hungry. he proceeds to eat so many of my fries very quickly, then starts to eat on my side of fries. i seriously got like 1/4 of them. so, i say something, which pisses him off. his argument was i should have just ordered more fries and not gotten upset, no big deal to him. my argument was hey you weren't even hungry and yet you demolished your side and mine. like i said, dumb fight and we joke with each other about it now any time any kind of fry is purchased. but beautiful people of reddit, was i the asshole back then? [/INST] nta if he wanted fries he should have ordered his own </s>
|
AITA for not wanting my brother and his girlfriend to move in with me?
|
info-
me- 19f
brother "max"- 22m
his girlfriend "cat"-21f
so i moved out of my brothers house when i was 18 and he was 22 i had lived with him since i was 14 after my sperm donor and my egg donor decided they didn't want to be parents anymore so they made me move in with my brother. we have no other family my sperm donor and my egg donor both were only children as well as their parents. my sperm donors parents died when he was 4 in a car crash and my egg donors parents died in a house hold fire right after my brother was born.
here's why i moved out of his house: his girlfriend cat and him had crazy sex to the point where i couldn't sleep at night and it was every night i didn't want to bring it up to him because that's not only going to be embarrassing on his behalf but mine as well. so i put up with it for four years until i could move out.
my brother recently lost his house since he didn't pay rent. and since we have no other family he turned to me. now i live in a 1 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment with basement attached which is my art studio where i paint. at first i was going to say yes but that meant all my art stuff would have to be scattered around my apartment. and if i didn't do that they would stay in the living room which is directly across my room and i don't want them having sex on my couch.
so i said no and when he asked why i made up an excuse that i didn't have room and he started cussing me out saying he had to become a dad to me and he took me in just so i wouldn't be in foster care he also said mean things to me about how he didn't even want to take me in. i started crying as usual because i'm an emotional person and told him to go to hell. then i texted him later and said
" the real reason i didn't want you to move in is because you and your girlfriend always be having wild sex to the point i can't sleep at night and i was going to reconsider letting you stay until you said all that shit about me " i then blocked him but i feel like i should let him stay because he's practically my dad but then again he said he never wanted me so thats why i came to reddit.
aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h02fmz/aita_for_not_wanting_my_brother_and_his/
|
2020-06-10 02:58:48
|
yta - he had an obligation to pay rent; it was his fault for getting evicted. also, it sounds like it would have adverse effects on you if he moved in. completely understandable to not allow them to move in. also, when you lightly denied it, he flared up and became toxic. not someone i would let live with me.
(changed to yta)
|
what are ppl saying here is beyond imagination. your parents abandoned you when you were kid and he took you and gave you roof. its natural that you want to help him back when he is in situation like that. but only thing you are thinking about is your convienience. your are not the asshole, but c’mon help your brother he is your only family.
|
nah.
look, he took you in at what, 17? of course he didn't want to raise a child at 17, who does? he was still a child himself, and he definitely struggled, keep in mind he had the same shitty parents as you. he's probably going through a hard time. what he said to you does suck and was cruel. and you have every right to be mad about it. but do you really want to leave him out there over this?
you have a basement, unless there's something more (about why you don't want him at your place) other than what you've written here, i don't think being inconvenienced for a little while compares to being inconvenienced for 4 years.
|
soft yta. you don’t *owe* anyone anything but you could’ve been upfront and set rules. then there wouldn’t have been a blow up causing you to block your brother.
had he decided he didn’t “owe” you anything, you would’ve been a foster kid. you all need to communicate at some point. you were both basically abandoned and had to raise yourself and probably both have a lot of growing to do. you’re both the only family the other has and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to but don’t don’t cut him out your life.
|
nta: you don't have to take him into your home. he's an adult and so are you. he can find a new apartment.
|
yta. he took you in when your parents abandoned you. he’s the only family you have in this world. tell him what your issue is and move on.
|
soft yta. technically you don’t owe your brother a place to live, but should you? yeah. you easily could’ve told him that he could come stay in the living room on the condition they don’t have sex in the house. it sounds like you had never brought up the problem before so he couldn’t ever fix it. you should give your brother a chance before turning him away
|
yta your brother was himself a child when he took you in. the least you could do is pay him back for the kindness he showed. put down some rules about staying at your place but do give the man a home
|
yta
you dont have to let anyone in but he took you in at a really young age your his brother not his son ofcourse he didnt want that. it may be uncomfortable to hear since he did raise you, but no 17yr wants to be the parent of there sibling. truthfully i want to say you should take him in as he's your only family and honestly if the only complaint you have is that he has loud sex your alot better off than most people, but its your choice.
|
nta
you don't have a spare room, you need your sleep.and it sounds like it may be their own fault they were evicted (didn't pay rent).
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
| 0.522399 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: info- me- 19f brother "max"- 22m his girlfriend "cat"-21f so i moved out of my brothers house when i was 18 and he was 22 i had lived with him since i was 14 after my sperm donor and my egg donor decided they didn't want to be parents anymore so they made me move in with my brother. we have no other family my sperm donor and my egg donor both were only children as well as their parents. my sperm donors parents died when he was 4 in a car crash and my egg donors parents died in a house hold fire right after my brother was born. here's why i moved out of his house: his girlfriend cat and him had crazy sex to the point where i couldn't sleep at night and it was every night i didn't want to bring it up to him because that's not only going to be embarrassing on his behalf but mine as well. so i put up with it for four years until i could move out. my brother recently lost his house since he didn't pay rent. and since we have no other family he turned to me. now i live in a 1 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment with basement attached which is my art studio where i paint. at first i was going to say yes but that meant all my art stuff would have to be scattered around my apartment. and if i didn't do that they would stay in the living room which is directly across my room and i don't want them having sex on my couch. so i said no and when he asked why i made up an excuse that i didn't have room and he started cussing me out saying he had to become a dad to me and he took me in just so i wouldn't be in foster care he also said mean things to me about how he didn't even want to take me in. i started crying as usual because i'm an emotional person and told him to go to hell. then i texted him later and said " the real reason i didn't want you to move in is because you and your girlfriend always be having wild sex to the point i can't sleep at night and i was going to reconsider letting you stay until you said all that shit about me " i then blocked him but i feel like i should let him stay because he's practically my dad but then again he said he never wanted me so thats why i came to reddit. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
info- me- 19f brother "max"- 22m his girlfriend "cat"-21f so i moved out of my brothers house when i was 18 and he was 22 i had lived with him since i was 14 after my sperm donor and my egg donor decided they didn't want to be parents anymore so they made me move in with my brother. we have no other family my sperm donor and my egg donor both were only children as well as their parents. my sperm donors parents died when he was 4 in a car crash and my egg donors parents died in a house hold fire right after my brother was born. here's why i moved out of his house: his girlfriend cat and him had crazy sex to the point where i couldn't sleep at night and it was every night i didn't want to bring it up to him because that's not only going to be embarrassing on his behalf but mine as well. so i put up with it for four years until i could move out. my brother recently lost his house since he didn't pay rent. and since we have no other family he turned to me. now i live in a 1 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment with basement attached which is my art studio where i paint. at first i was going to say yes but that meant all my art stuff would have to be scattered around my apartment. and if i didn't do that they would stay in the living room which is directly across my room and i don't want them having sex on my couch. so i said no and when he asked why i made up an excuse that i didn't have room and he started cussing me out saying he had to become a dad to me and he took me in just so i wouldn't be in foster care he also said mean things to me about how he didn't even want to take me in. i started crying as usual because i'm an emotional person and told him to go to hell. then i texted him later and said " the real reason i didn't want you to move in is because you and your girlfriend always be having wild sex to the point i can't sleep at night and i was going to reconsider letting you stay until you said all that shit about me " i then blocked him but i feel like i should let him stay because he's practically my dad but then again he said he never wanted me so thats why i came to reddit. aita? [/INST] yta - he had an obligation to pay rent; it was his fault for getting evicted. also, it sounds like it would have adverse effects on you if he moved in. completely understandable to not allow them to move in. also, when you lightly denied it, he flared up and became toxic. not someone i would let live with me. (changed to yta) </s>
|
AITA for not including my fiancé's grandparents in the memorial table at our wedding?
|
we're having a small wedding soon and both me (25f) and my fiancé (31m) decided we would set up a table and chairs with my maternal grandparent's pictures and some candles. me and my fiancé were very close to my maternal grandparents. we would always visit them and stay in their home, weekly phone calls, and my grandmother loved my fiancé so much she gave him her great grandfather's wedding ring from the 1920s.
my grandparents always brought up that we should marry soon before they passed (as a joke). me and my fiancé have been together for 8 years but wanted to be able to pay for the wedding entirely ourselves so we waited a while before getting married to save up.
when we told them the date of our wedding and where, they were so happy. we had chosen a venue in their city so they wouldn't have to travel far (we live 4 hours away from them). unfortunately, they both contacted covid from my uncle and passed away in january. it was unexpected and absolutely heartbreaking. we then both decided to have a memorial table at the wedding for them.
so today, i was going over wedding details with my mother in law (mil) and she mentioned that she had dug out pictures of my fiancé's grandparents (maternal and paternal) for the memorial table. i reminded her that it was only going to be for my maternal grandparents since they passed recently and wanted to be at the wedding. i never met any of my fiancé's grandparents since they unfortunately passed before we were dating or passed before my fiancé could meet them. she then got very upset and said that it was "fiancé's wedding too" and both sets of his grandparents should be included too. my fiance said he didn't think about his grandparents because we didn't know them. now we both feel like assholes because we made mil very upset. are we the assholes?
tldr: my maternal grandparents died a few months before our wedding. we were very close to them and they very much wanted to be at the wedding. so we added a memorial table for them. mil got upset because we weren't including fiancé's grandparents. i never met fiancé's grandparents and fiancé barely knew them.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lqclzv/aita_for_not_including_my_fiancés_grandparents_in/
|
2021-02-23 07:40:41
|
nah. i understand where his mother is coming from, but the memorial table is kind of a slippery slope. before you know it, you’ll have been roped into including every aunt, uncle and cousin who’s died, no matter how distant. because there’s always someone who will pop up and insist that you include a pic of their deceased nephew’s mother’s cousin’s former roommate or whatever. your fiancé and you have a plan for what you’re doing with the memorial table. i would just let his mother know that you appreciate where she’s coming from, but space is limited and you want to honor just the most recently deceased. and maybe let her set up some memorial flowers to the other grandparents or something (at her expense).
|
so what i've decided is to set up a table with no pictures or names of anyone, and have a nice sign that says something along the lines of "in loving memory to those in our lives who could not celebrate with us today" with a vase of lilies, and some candles. i was going to make a speech honoring my maternal grandparents anyways. if my fiancé wants to make a speech about his grandparents (i doubt he will because he was not close with them) then i will support him 100%.
|
nah. so sorry for your loss. it sounds like you wouldn't have had a remembrance table for your fiancé's grandparents since you didn't know them really. but as long as there is a remembrance table at all, i can see how your mil would feel her parents are left out by not being on it.
|
nta, you gave two people who already had invitations to the wedding a seat at the table, a seat they would have had except a horrible tragedy occurred.
absolutely no reason to include 4 other people who would never have been invited and certainly wouldn’t have come if they were.
you don’t want to be answering questions all night about who the other people on the table are.
|
nah but would it really be so awful to include their photos if it stops your mil being upset? i can understand your logic but i can't see it being worth a big fall out. maybe you could somehow include the pictures of your grandparents in your getting ready photos, or have photo charms of them attached to your bouquet as well as the memorial table?
| null | null | null | null | null |
NAH
| null |
NAH
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.030446 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: we're having a small wedding soon and both me (25f) and my fiancé (31m) decided we would set up a table and chairs with my maternal grandparent's pictures and some candles. me and my fiancé were very close to my maternal grandparents. we would always visit them and stay in their home, weekly phone calls, and my grandmother loved my fiancé so much she gave him her great grandfather's wedding ring from the 1920s. my grandparents always brought up that we should marry soon before they passed (as a joke). me and my fiancé have been together for 8 years but wanted to be able to pay for the wedding entirely ourselves so we waited a while before getting married to save up. when we told them the date of our wedding and where, they were so happy. we had chosen a venue in their city so they wouldn't have to travel far (we live 4 hours away from them). unfortunately, they both contacted covid from my uncle and passed away in january. it was unexpected and absolutely heartbreaking. we then both decided to have a memorial table at the wedding for them. so today, i was going over wedding details with my mother in law (mil) and she mentioned that she had dug out pictures of my fiancé's grandparents (maternal and paternal) for the memorial table. i reminded her that it was only going to be for my maternal grandparents since they passed recently and wanted to be at the wedding. i never met any of my fiancé's grandparents since they unfortunately passed before we were dating or passed before my fiancé could meet them. she then got very upset and said that it was "fiancé's wedding too" and both sets of his grandparents should be included too. my fiance said he didn't think about his grandparents because we didn't know them. now we both feel like assholes because we made mil very upset. are we the assholes? tldr: my maternal grandparents died a few months before our wedding. we were very close to them and they very much wanted to be at the wedding. so we added a memorial table for them. mil got upset because we weren't including fiancé's grandparents. i never met fiancé's grandparents and fiancé barely knew them.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
we're having a small wedding soon and both me (25f) and my fiancé (31m) decided we would set up a table and chairs with my maternal grandparent's pictures and some candles. me and my fiancé were very close to my maternal grandparents. we would always visit them and stay in their home, weekly phone calls, and my grandmother loved my fiancé so much she gave him her great grandfather's wedding ring from the 1920s. my grandparents always brought up that we should marry soon before they passed (as a joke). me and my fiancé have been together for 8 years but wanted to be able to pay for the wedding entirely ourselves so we waited a while before getting married to save up. when we told them the date of our wedding and where, they were so happy. we had chosen a venue in their city so they wouldn't have to travel far (we live 4 hours away from them). unfortunately, they both contacted covid from my uncle and passed away in january. it was unexpected and absolutely heartbreaking. we then both decided to have a memorial table at the wedding for them. so today, i was going over wedding details with my mother in law (mil) and she mentioned that she had dug out pictures of my fiancé's grandparents (maternal and paternal) for the memorial table. i reminded her that it was only going to be for my maternal grandparents since they passed recently and wanted to be at the wedding. i never met any of my fiancé's grandparents since they unfortunately passed before we were dating or passed before my fiancé could meet them. she then got very upset and said that it was "fiancé's wedding too" and both sets of his grandparents should be included too. my fiance said he didn't think about his grandparents because we didn't know them. now we both feel like assholes because we made mil very upset. are we the assholes? tldr: my maternal grandparents died a few months before our wedding. we were very close to them and they very much wanted to be at the wedding. so we added a memorial table for them. mil got upset because we weren't including fiancé's grandparents. i never met fiancé's grandparents and fiancé barely knew them. [/INST] nah. i understand where his mother is coming from, but the memorial table is kind of a slippery slope. before you know it, you’ll have been roped into including every aunt, uncle and cousin who’s died, no matter how distant. because there’s always someone who will pop up and insist that you include a pic of their deceased nephew’s mother’s cousin’s former roommate or whatever. your fiancé and you have a plan for what you’re doing with the memorial table. i would just let his mother know that you appreciate where she’s coming from, but space is limited and you want to honor just the most recently deceased. and maybe let her set up some memorial flowers to the other grandparents or something (at her expense). </s>
|
AITA for telling my wife that I look forward to see our dogs more than her?
|
my wife and i have been married for five years. she used to have a lucrative job at goldman sachs but walked away to be a sahm. i work behind the scenes in hollywood and work a lot of hours. i do this to support her and our 2yo son. i can work as many as 14 hour days. i don't like it. it's what i have to do. there is this "tension" between me and my wife over it because while she understands why i work so much and so hard she also doesn't like it. she says she feels like a single mom to which i tell her a single mom who doesn't work and lives in a nice home. her complaints are met with my rebuttals. i won't apologize for supporting my family and i don't want to listen to her complaints.
i don't even look forward to seeing her after a long day anymore. to be honest, i just look forward to see our bulldog and chihuahua terrier mix more than anything if our son is already asleep. they're so happy to see me and just want me to give them attention and they give such genuine love. my wife understood why i would want to see my son more than her but not the dogs. i told her the dogs don't make me feel tense or angry the minute i walk in the door so of course i look forward to seeing them more than her.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gxierg/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_look_forward_to/
|
2020-06-06 02:19:26
|
info: when you say she doesn’t work, does that mean you have a full time housekeeper, personal chef and nanny? if not, do you do all the housework, cooking and child minding on top of working 14 hours? or do you mean that she does unpaid labor, so worthless to you?
|
yta and i’m not sure what you want us to tell you? it’s obvious you resent your wife and have a negative view of her. there is nothing wrong with her felling lonely and like she is doing all the caregiving..because she is. that doesn’t mean she is ungrateful for your hard work or degrading you. you, however, do sound like you’re ungrateful for your wife. raising a child alone all day is hard..and doing that while having to leave a job you worked hard for is even harder. where it goes from n.a.h to yta is when you told your wife you don’t even care to see her. i think you’re projecting a lot of feelings into your wife and it would be best if you two get into counseling.
|
a single mom who “doesn’t work”? have you ever parented before? wake up, her job is 24/7.
it sounds like you resent her for your long work hours. it’s not her fault you’re working 14 hour days. if you don’t like your job or the hours, get a different one. maybe talk to her about her potentially going back to work once the kid enters school age, if it’s a money thing.
i understand it’s tough working all those hours, but it really sounds like you’re taking it out on her. i can guarantee you it is tough being a stay at home parent all by yourself all day too. you guys need to talk this out.
and yta for saying you only enjoy spending time with your pets.
|
yta, and i feel like we are only hearing one very biased half of the story. you are resenting your wife for being a stay-at-home mom. how was this decision made? who would care for the child if she did work? is it worth it to have both parents working if the child hardly got to see either?
have some conversations and make changes to your lives that work for you instead of resenting your wife and posting about it on reddit.
|
yta—your wife is telling you that she needs to you be a more engaged parent. she left a lucrative job and a lot of independence and identity to be a sahm. which especially in your house sounds like a thankless job.
i totally understand you’re burnt out and exhausted being the sole provider which probably feels thankless at times too. but your wife is your partner. she cares about you. she’s maintaining your home and putting in the brunt of the dirty work raising your child. it’s a major ah move to tell her you don’t look forward to seeing her. imagine how sucky it would feel if she told you she doesn’t even care if you come home from work or not.
y’all really need to sit down with a therapist and talk through these issues before it’s too late.
|
[deleted]
|
r/relationship_advice
|
esh i sense a tinge of resentment on both sides. she seems to resent that you're working so many hours yet you seem to resent that you have to work more hours because she won't work a paying job.
i can see why you would both be frustrated at the situation but it might benefit you guys to see a therapist or just reflect on what the other person does that you're grateful for.
instead of being bitter that you're at work so much, your wife could be grateful that you're willing to work so many hours so she can stay at home and take care of the house and kid. and instead of being bitter about your wife not working a paying job, you could be grateful that she's caring for your child and keeping the house in order and making meals for you.
|
yta in regards to your title question. you guys need to have a serious discussion regarding your relationship, division of labor, and what you want out of life. it really sounds like you would both be better off if you work a little less and got to spend more time with your family. how about downgrading your expenses so you don't have to work so much? i think you're worn out, and it's causing you to behave like an ass.
|
yta, not just for what you said but also for the condescending way you talk to your wife in general
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null | null |
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.012234 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my wife and i have been married for five years. she used to have a lucrative job at goldman sachs but walked away to be a sahm. i work behind the scenes in hollywood and work a lot of hours. i do this to support her and our 2yo son. i can work as many as 14 hour days. i don't like it. it's what i have to do. there is this "tension" between me and my wife over it because while she understands why i work so much and so hard she also doesn't like it. she says she feels like a single mom to which i tell her a single mom who doesn't work and lives in a nice home. her complaints are met with my rebuttals. i won't apologize for supporting my family and i don't want to listen to her complaints. i don't even look forward to seeing her after a long day anymore. to be honest, i just look forward to see our bulldog and chihuahua terrier mix more than anything if our son is already asleep. they're so happy to see me and just want me to give them attention and they give such genuine love. my wife understood why i would want to see my son more than her but not the dogs. i told her the dogs don't make me feel tense or angry the minute i walk in the door so of course i look forward to seeing them more than her.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have been married for five years. she used to have a lucrative job at goldman sachs but walked away to be a sahm. i work behind the scenes in hollywood and work a lot of hours. i do this to support her and our 2yo son. i can work as many as 14 hour days. i don't like it. it's what i have to do. there is this "tension" between me and my wife over it because while she understands why i work so much and so hard she also doesn't like it. she says she feels like a single mom to which i tell her a single mom who doesn't work and lives in a nice home. her complaints are met with my rebuttals. i won't apologize for supporting my family and i don't want to listen to her complaints. i don't even look forward to seeing her after a long day anymore. to be honest, i just look forward to see our bulldog and chihuahua terrier mix more than anything if our son is already asleep. they're so happy to see me and just want me to give them attention and they give such genuine love. my wife understood why i would want to see my son more than her but not the dogs. i told her the dogs don't make me feel tense or angry the minute i walk in the door so of course i look forward to seeing them more than her. [/INST] info: when you say she doesn’t work, does that mean you have a full time housekeeper, personal chef and nanny? if not, do you do all the housework, cooking and child minding on top of working 14 hours? or do you mean that she does unpaid labor, so worthless to you? </s>
|
AITA for asking my mom to please stop eavesdropping on me during school Zoom calls?
|
so, i (14m) am a highschool freshman and am a aspiring coder. highschool has been great and i love it.
the problem is, my mom keeps... looking at me. after classes, she yells at me, saying that i should pay more attention. i can assure you that i'm doing the best i can, actively participating in classes, ect. well today, she looked at me again, and i politely told her to stop listening to my school conversations. she screeched at me, saying that she's just looking out for me, and indirectly called me a asshole.
aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ibihzw/aita_for_asking_my_mom_to_please_stop/
|
2020-08-17 17:25:00
|
nta
1) her presence is not helping you focus
2) she would not be able to be like this, if you were actually in class
3) you have the right to some degree of privacy
4) her listening in is going to make you think twice about saying something, so you will not be participating as actively.
5) you have not given her any reason to distrust you
|
nta. she wouldn’t be able to scrutinise you like this if you were actually at school so she shouldn’t be doing it now.
|
nta. honestly, it sounds like it would be harder to focus if she were watching or listening in on you, and, if you think it would help, you should tell her that. "i'm constantly worrying about you watching me that it's making it harder for me to focus in class" or something of the like.
|
nta. you're 14 and as a teenager you're going to start needing your privacy, and you are finding your mother's presence distracting from your schoolwork.
sometime when you're not in the middle of that situation, have a sit-down with your mom and talk to her about whether you two can lay some ground rules-- if you want, you can say something like "you're my mom and i love you, but when you're hovering and watching me it makes me uncomfortable and i get distracted from my schoolwork-- it's probably why you think i'm not paying enough attention in the first place. can we set something up so that you feel comfortable and i can be productive?"
it may or may not work, but at least you'll have taken a mature approach.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: so, i (14m) am a highschool freshman and am a aspiring coder. highschool has been great and i love it. the problem is, my mom keeps... looking at me. after classes, she yells at me, saying that i should pay more attention. i can assure you that i'm doing the best i can, actively participating in classes, ect. well today, she looked at me again, and i politely told her to stop listening to my school conversations. she screeched at me, saying that she's just looking out for me, and indirectly called me a asshole. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
so, i (14m) am a highschool freshman and am a aspiring coder. highschool has been great and i love it. the problem is, my mom keeps... looking at me. after classes, she yells at me, saying that i should pay more attention. i can assure you that i'm doing the best i can, actively participating in classes, ect. well today, she looked at me again, and i politely told her to stop listening to my school conversations. she screeched at me, saying that she's just looking out for me, and indirectly called me a asshole. aita? [/INST] nta 1) her presence is not helping you focus 2) she would not be able to be like this, if you were actually in class 3) you have the right to some degree of privacy 4) her listening in is going to make you think twice about saying something, so you will not be participating as actively. 5) you have not given her any reason to distrust you </s>
|
AITA for not letting my ex husband buy our son an expensive car.
|
me and him(i’ll call him x)divorced 6 years ago. we have a son who’s turning 17 soon. he spends weekends and some of the holidays with x.
he’s spoiling him. i’ll give some examples: x lives in a 3 story house and our son has whole third floor, it’s bigger than my whole apartment. x bought him pinball machines and those are not cheap. x also got him multiple laptops, new iphone as soon as it came out, tv to put in his room in my home, pc, list goes on and on. i’ve talked to x about it and asked him to calm down a bit with the gifts but he says that i don’t get to control what he buys for his son.
he told me that he wants to get our son a car for his birthday. i’m fine with him buying a normal slightly cheap car, but he wants to buy a car that’s incredibly expensive. i told him that it’s too much. he got upset and repeated the same thing he always says, how i can’t control him. we got in pretty big argument and he’s ignoring me. i’m pretty sure he’ll still buy the car.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fj3i7h/aita_for_not_letting_my_ex_husband_buy_our_son_an/
|
2020-03-15 16:01:56
|
yta. it’s not your money. you haven’t listed that your son is being cocky or not focusing on studies based on these gifts. the only thing you said is that his 3rd floor is bigger than your apartment. that has nothing to do with anything.
sorry but you sound bitter or sad that you can’t provide the same things.
|
yta, you don't mention at all how he is being spoiled or what effect it is having. you just seem unhappy that his father is getting him nice things. especially weird for you to point out that he has a floor of the house to himself. so your kid have privacy and space is a bad thing?
|
yta. he gets him on weekends and some holidays. let the man spend his money.
|
based off the comments, nta. a 200k+ car is not safe for a 17 year old. that's flipping crazy.
you should make an edit to include this information as it is very relevant to making judgements.
|
info: is your ex husband fulfilling all his obligations per your custody agreement? is he paying child support, in full, and on time? is he adhering to the schedule you guys set? is he ensuring your son is well cared for when they're together? is he speaking respectfully of you and focusing on being a dad?
|
nta! people saying yta, really believe that a 17 year old kid needs to be given a 200k car?? this sort of parenting is how you get the 'affluenza' kid.
|
well i have to agree that a $200k car is totally excessive but x isn't wrong. it's his money and he can spend it on his son however he likes.
unfortunately you've put yourself in the position of the boy that cried wolf. none of the other things you mentioned x buying for his son were out of line. you've bitched so much over all the little things that you've no credibility left when it comes to a thing you could genuinely complain about. mild yta.
|
info: what exactly is your reason for rejecting the idea of an expensive car?
|
buying an expensive car 🚗 espically when they’re 17-18 is a horrible mistake for 1. i can guarantee he’s going to wreck this car and 2. if he’s desperate for a car a cheap one doesn’t make a difference if it gets you to place a and b without any mechanical issues then your good
your ex is very materialistic but this will not benefit your son in fact it’s teaching him that anything he wants he will get at a snap of his finger i would encourage your son to have a job save up some money and buy the car himself he would be more proud that way plus more appreciative
you are not controlling but looking out for his best interest
|
yta. i don't understand why you would get a say in his father gifting him a nice car. even if it's excessive, it's really not your call to make. not saying i think your son or ex isn't an ah, but definitely not for the reason you stated.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| null |
YTA
| 0.362887 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: me and him(i’ll call him x)divorced 6 years ago. we have a son who’s turning 17 soon. he spends weekends and some of the holidays with x. he’s spoiling him. i’ll give some examples: x lives in a 3 story house and our son has whole third floor, it’s bigger than my whole apartment. x bought him pinball machines and those are not cheap. x also got him multiple laptops, new iphone as soon as it came out, tv to put in his room in my home, pc, list goes on and on. i’ve talked to x about it and asked him to calm down a bit with the gifts but he says that i don’t get to control what he buys for his son. he told me that he wants to get our son a car for his birthday. i’m fine with him buying a normal slightly cheap car, but he wants to buy a car that’s incredibly expensive. i told him that it’s too much. he got upset and repeated the same thing he always says, how i can’t control him. we got in pretty big argument and he’s ignoring me. i’m pretty sure he’ll still buy the car.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
me and him(i’ll call him x)divorced 6 years ago. we have a son who’s turning 17 soon. he spends weekends and some of the holidays with x. he’s spoiling him. i’ll give some examples: x lives in a 3 story house and our son has whole third floor, it’s bigger than my whole apartment. x bought him pinball machines and those are not cheap. x also got him multiple laptops, new iphone as soon as it came out, tv to put in his room in my home, pc, list goes on and on. i’ve talked to x about it and asked him to calm down a bit with the gifts but he says that i don’t get to control what he buys for his son. he told me that he wants to get our son a car for his birthday. i’m fine with him buying a normal slightly cheap car, but he wants to buy a car that’s incredibly expensive. i told him that it’s too much. he got upset and repeated the same thing he always says, how i can’t control him. we got in pretty big argument and he’s ignoring me. i’m pretty sure he’ll still buy the car. [/INST] yta. it’s not your money. you haven’t listed that your son is being cocky or not focusing on studies based on these gifts. the only thing you said is that his 3rd floor is bigger than your apartment. that has nothing to do with anything. sorry but you sound bitter or sad that you can’t provide the same things. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to stay with my in-laws after giving birth?
|
i live with my husband and 3 dogs. in less than a month, we'll be adding to our pack - baby boy due march 8. my in-laws have been trying to convince me to stay with them at their place with my newborn. i'm not too thrilled about it. because i'd like to stay home with the newborn, create a routine and settle down. i have only 3 months paid maternity. would like to spend the time i get being home with our baby and our dogs. their reason is that they're afraid of the dogs and have said that they're flat out not comfortable even for a day visit to see the baby while the dogs are in the house. my husband and i have told them plenty of times that we can safely secure the dogs in a different room where they won't come in contact with them while they visit us. they're not convinced and insisting that the baby and i should instead stay with them for a week or so at least. i understand they want spend time with their grandson and nephew. i've told them our house is always welcome anytime they wanna visit. but they are not budging. keeps going back to how fearful they're of dogs and how uncomfortable it will be to visit our house. i don't know how to convince them. i've been struggling to say no to their idea of me staying with our newborn at their place. i worry i might burn our relationship if i told them i can't stay at their house for a week with my baby. aita for not wanting to stay at their place with my newborn because they're afraid of our dogs?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sigh5g/aita_for_not_wanting_to_stay_with_my_inlaws_after/
|
2022-02-02 05:23:27
|
nta. they are being ridiculous. please please don’t sacrifice your postpartum time for these selfish ahs.
all that matters is you and baby healthy and happy after birth. in laws can stuff it.
|
i traveled with small babies. i didnt let having kids stop me from doing what we wanted to do, we just schlepped kids along. no problem. even **i** wouldn’t stay at someone else’s house with a newborn!!! just...nope. a non starter.
“you can come to our house, and you won’t even see the dogs, they will be locked in a different room. if the knowledge that they are in the house is more important to you than seeing your grandchild, well, that is something to discuss with your therapist, not me”. nta
|
nta, not your problem, and not something you need to keep defending. asked and answered. if they want to be horrible to a new mom and baby, that's on them, not you.
|
hell no! post partum is hard enough in your own house let alone being a guest and uncomfortable in someone else’s!
|
nta. this isn’t about them. you and hubby bond with your baby in the comfort of your own home. my mil did see me and the baby in the hospital and i was not at my best, but she made it short and was always accommodating. no guilt! don’t let them do that to you.
|
nta. that’s a totally unreasonable request and you shouldn’t feel bad for a second about refusing it.
|
burn it. unless you plan to share your newborn with mil, stay home. there is no way if you stay at their house, that mil won’t try to be in control. the in-laws can see your child when you are ready and not at their convenience.
|
this cannot even continue to be a conversation. your response when they bring it up is a slightly quizzical, as if they were temporarily impaired, "that won't be possible." every single time they bring it up. 'that won't be possible."
and if this continues your husband needs to grow a spine and handle this. nta.
|
nta. and don’t give in. have they never visited you before? were they planning to never ever visit you if you didn’t have a baby? you don’t mention this ever being an issue for them before which makes me suspect they really just want to monopolize time with the baby (which isn’t awful if they just love the baby) and are being manipulative to get their way (which is shitty to do).
you will be postpartum with a newborn, hormones all over the damn place and your body will be recovering from the humongous miracle of producing a human being! you need and deserve to be comfortable in your own place. and your comfort comes first and only first ahead of their discomfort over your dogs. if they don’t feel comfortable then they can skype with you til the baby is older and you go for a visit.
don’t give in and hopefully your husband backs you on this.
|
i can’t imagine anything worse than being a houseguest (even with family) after giving birth. how seriously insensitive of your in-laws and your husband. your comfort takes precedence over theirs. set a hard boundary and tell your so he needs to be firmly on your side. sooooo nta
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: i live with my husband and 3 dogs. in less than a month, we'll be adding to our pack - baby boy due march 8. my in-laws have been trying to convince me to stay with them at their place with my newborn. i'm not too thrilled about it. because i'd like to stay home with the newborn, create a routine and settle down. i have only 3 months paid maternity. would like to spend the time i get being home with our baby and our dogs. their reason is that they're afraid of the dogs and have said that they're flat out not comfortable even for a day visit to see the baby while the dogs are in the house. my husband and i have told them plenty of times that we can safely secure the dogs in a different room where they won't come in contact with them while they visit us. they're not convinced and insisting that the baby and i should instead stay with them for a week or so at least. i understand they want spend time with their grandson and nephew. i've told them our house is always welcome anytime they wanna visit. but they are not budging. keeps going back to how fearful they're of dogs and how uncomfortable it will be to visit our house. i don't know how to convince them. i've been struggling to say no to their idea of me staying with our newborn at their place. i worry i might burn our relationship if i told them i can't stay at their house for a week with my baby. aita for not wanting to stay at their place with my newborn because they're afraid of our dogs?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
i live with my husband and 3 dogs. in less than a month, we'll be adding to our pack - baby boy due march 8. my in-laws have been trying to convince me to stay with them at their place with my newborn. i'm not too thrilled about it. because i'd like to stay home with the newborn, create a routine and settle down. i have only 3 months paid maternity. would like to spend the time i get being home with our baby and our dogs. their reason is that they're afraid of the dogs and have said that they're flat out not comfortable even for a day visit to see the baby while the dogs are in the house. my husband and i have told them plenty of times that we can safely secure the dogs in a different room where they won't come in contact with them while they visit us. they're not convinced and insisting that the baby and i should instead stay with them for a week or so at least. i understand they want spend time with their grandson and nephew. i've told them our house is always welcome anytime they wanna visit. but they are not budging. keeps going back to how fearful they're of dogs and how uncomfortable it will be to visit our house. i don't know how to convince them. i've been struggling to say no to their idea of me staying with our newborn at their place. i worry i might burn our relationship if i told them i can't stay at their house for a week with my baby. aita for not wanting to stay at their place with my newborn because they're afraid of our dogs? [/INST] nta. they are being ridiculous. please please don’t sacrifice your postpartum time for these selfish ahs. all that matters is you and baby healthy and happy after birth. in laws can stuff it. </s>
|
WIBTA If I started filing noise complaints against a hearing impaired neighbor?
|
okay it sounds bad, i know, hear me out. i (26f) moved to this complex about 8 months ago. i'm a full time grad student and fighting depression so sleep and i are not always on the same page. what made it worse was that my upstairs neighbor would start making noise at ungodly hours of the night. 3am? sounds like jumping jacks. 5am? i'm sorry are you auditioning for stomp the musical?
this has gone on the entire time i've lived here. it tanked me last semester because i had such awful sleep during finals. i tried knocking on the door more times than i know and never got an answer. it was hell on earth, i tried whacking the ceiling, blasting rammstein when i was woken up in the wee hours, nothing got it to stop. the reason i didn't go to the office was... well sometimes people have nowhere else to go, this place ain't exactly the ritz. so i nicknamed whoever it was floorfucker and suffered through this semester.
but it's finals again and last week i finally lucked out. when i went upstairs to knock someone was leaving. "are you the person who lives here?"
"yeah? speak up i'm hard of hearing." my heart sank. did i nickname someone floorfucker, whine about their ways, and assume they were just ignoring me when they couldn't hear me trying to make contact? turns out the guy exercises a lot and didn't realize how much noise he makes. he promised to keep it down to reasonable hours and i slunk back to my pit of lecture notes and felt like a right asshole.
but it hasn't stopped.
for two days i knew peace. i actually got some good quality sleep in. it was bliss. floorfucker appeared to be no more, this was floorfriend. but the past few days have been business as usual. last night i heard ungodly noise from 2-5 am. floorfriend betrayed me.
i plan to leave a note as a reminder because it doesn't feel like such a douchebag thing to do now that he's seen my sleepless mug beg for mercy once. but on the off chance that doesn't help wibta if i started making noise complaints to the property manager if he keeps this up and doesn't respond to any attempts at contact?
edit/info: wow there's a lot of you. i got out of my exam to like 50 notifications. thank you for making me feel like i'm not actually insane for getting mad about this. and big love to the 2 hoh users that messaged me and the friend in the comments that let me know this is out of line behavior even taking disability into account.
i have been recording, partially as a method of reminding myself "yes this is actually happening" and partially out of juvenile revenge fantasies. i have taped a letter to his door with just "hey you were a bit noisy last night please be aware" on it. if it keeps up i'll tell management.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n4tl7o/wibta_if_i_started_filing_noise_complaints/
|
2021-05-04 17:07:27
|
nta. being hard of hearing and doing jumping jacks at 3 a.m. are mutually exclusive. now that he knows how loud it is, your neighbor is a jerk to continue.
|
nta. hearing impaired or not its extremely inconsiderate to be exercising in the small hours of the night when you have downstairs neighbours. you did the right thing by asking politely first but things haven't changed, its completely fair game to report them now.
its such a shame though, for a while i was really rooting for floorfriend.
|
as someone who is hard of hearing myself, 100% ywnbta.
hard of hearing or not, he shouldn't be exercising at 3 am in the morning if his exercises involve lots of jumping and stomping. it can be difficult for us to recognise and regulate/moderate our volume at times, but the fact is vibrations and tactile sensations can often give a good indicator as to how quiet or loud something might be. it's also a degree of common sense.
if he's disturbing you, then chances are he's disturbing other apartments around you too, and you are entitled to peace of quiet during night hours.
|
nta: definitely leave a note first, but t hen you'll have to start documenting the noise (most likely by video because it's unlikely your property manager is going to come out and check things out at 3am) and make complaints. nothing else you can do. hard of hearing doesn't mean lacking common sense.
|
go to the office, they need to communicate this... nta
|
nta complain away. he knows now that he has been disturbing you. he doesn't care.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: okay it sounds bad, i know, hear me out. i (26f) moved to this complex about 8 months ago. i'm a full time grad student and fighting depression so sleep and i are not always on the same page. what made it worse was that my upstairs neighbor would start making noise at ungodly hours of the night. 3am? sounds like jumping jacks. 5am? i'm sorry are you auditioning for stomp the musical? this has gone on the entire time i've lived here. it tanked me last semester because i had such awful sleep during finals. i tried knocking on the door more times than i know and never got an answer. it was hell on earth, i tried whacking the ceiling, blasting rammstein when i was woken up in the wee hours, nothing got it to stop. the reason i didn't go to the office was... well sometimes people have nowhere else to go, this place ain't exactly the ritz. so i nicknamed whoever it was floorfucker and suffered through this semester. but it's finals again and last week i finally lucked out. when i went upstairs to knock someone was leaving. "are you the person who lives here?" "yeah? speak up i'm hard of hearing." my heart sank. did i nickname someone floorfucker, whine about their ways, and assume they were just ignoring me when they couldn't hear me trying to make contact? turns out the guy exercises a lot and didn't realize how much noise he makes. he promised to keep it down to reasonable hours and i slunk back to my pit of lecture notes and felt like a right asshole. but it hasn't stopped. for two days i knew peace. i actually got some good quality sleep in. it was bliss. floorfucker appeared to be no more, this was floorfriend. but the past few days have been business as usual. last night i heard ungodly noise from 2-5 am. floorfriend betrayed me. i plan to leave a note as a reminder because it doesn't feel like such a douchebag thing to do now that he's seen my sleepless mug beg for mercy once. but on the off chance that doesn't help wibta if i started making noise complaints to the property manager if he keeps this up and doesn't respond to any attempts at contact? edit/info: wow there's a lot of you. i got out of my exam to like 50 notifications. thank you for making me feel like i'm not actually insane for getting mad about this. and big love to the 2 hoh users that messaged me and the friend in the comments that let me know this is out of line behavior even taking disability into account. i have been recording, partially as a method of reminding myself "yes this is actually happening" and partially out of juvenile revenge fantasies. i have taped a letter to his door with just "hey you were a bit noisy last night please be aware" on it. if it keeps up i'll tell management.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
okay it sounds bad, i know, hear me out. i (26f) moved to this complex about 8 months ago. i'm a full time grad student and fighting depression so sleep and i are not always on the same page. what made it worse was that my upstairs neighbor would start making noise at ungodly hours of the night. 3am? sounds like jumping jacks. 5am? i'm sorry are you auditioning for stomp the musical? this has gone on the entire time i've lived here. it tanked me last semester because i had such awful sleep during finals. i tried knocking on the door more times than i know and never got an answer. it was hell on earth, i tried whacking the ceiling, blasting rammstein when i was woken up in the wee hours, nothing got it to stop. the reason i didn't go to the office was... well sometimes people have nowhere else to go, this place ain't exactly the ritz. so i nicknamed whoever it was floorfucker and suffered through this semester. but it's finals again and last week i finally lucked out. when i went upstairs to knock someone was leaving. "are you the person who lives here?" "yeah? speak up i'm hard of hearing." my heart sank. did i nickname someone floorfucker, whine about their ways, and assume they were just ignoring me when they couldn't hear me trying to make contact? turns out the guy exercises a lot and didn't realize how much noise he makes. he promised to keep it down to reasonable hours and i slunk back to my pit of lecture notes and felt like a right asshole. but it hasn't stopped. for two days i knew peace. i actually got some good quality sleep in. it was bliss. floorfucker appeared to be no more, this was floorfriend. but the past few days have been business as usual. last night i heard ungodly noise from 2-5 am. floorfriend betrayed me. i plan to leave a note as a reminder because it doesn't feel like such a douchebag thing to do now that he's seen my sleepless mug beg for mercy once. but on the off chance that doesn't help wibta if i started making noise complaints to the property manager if he keeps this up and doesn't respond to any attempts at contact? edit/info: wow there's a lot of you. i got out of my exam to like 50 notifications. thank you for making me feel like i'm not actually insane for getting mad about this. and big love to the 2 hoh users that messaged me and the friend in the comments that let me know this is out of line behavior even taking disability into account. i have been recording, partially as a method of reminding myself "yes this is actually happening" and partially out of juvenile revenge fantasies. i have taped a letter to his door with just "hey you were a bit noisy last night please be aware" on it. if it keeps up i'll tell management. [/INST] nta. being hard of hearing and doing jumping jacks at 3 a.m. are mutually exclusive. now that he knows how loud it is, your neighbor is a jerk to continue. </s>
|
AITA for demanding a heads up from my neighbor?
|
my roommate and i are tenants of a first floor apartment in a major city. the property has a driveway, which belongs to my landlord per the deed. she thus gave us permission to use it (documented in the lease).
my neighbor's house (which he owns) and my landlord's are seperated by the driveway. there is a wire gate at the entrance. on my neighbor's side is just a brick wall, no windows or anything.
a few weeks ago, i was parking in front of the driveway (something i seldom do, but there was no parking and i wasnt staying long). the neighbor stormed out of his house as i was parking and started to (pretend?) to unlock our gate, and said "you cant park here." (we recently moved in, so he didnt recognize me). when i told him it was my driveway and asked if he has a key, he started mumbling about an arrangement.
dude was weird but i could deal...until this past weekend. i was opening the gate to let my roommate pull her car in, and he was coming out of his house. i said hello to him and his kid, and he barged into the driveway without asking, "inspecting" his wall and telling his little kid how theyre going to have to fix it soon (not a brick specialist, but nothing is wrong with it).
when i asked him to fill me in about the agreement, he became very hostile and combative. he continued to move further up the driveway and be verbally aggressive (all in front of his 5 year old).
i communicated to him that we don't mind if he needs access at some point, but that we'd like to be notified first as it's a privacy issue (our bedrooms/bathroom windows face the driveway, and there is an entrance right into a bedroom). like for example, he could have asked me before pushing past. he told me he doesnt make deals with renters, that he has a prior verbal agreement with the landlord, and that he'll rip the gate off his house (implying that he'll be able to access at his will). i remained very calm, collected, and polite but i think that made it worse.
i've reached out to my landlord but no word yet (we were never informed of any agreement). was this guy trespassing (the entire driveway is on my landlords deed with no written easement, he has his own points of egress from his house)? as a woman, i felt threatened to be honest, and i dont want an unhinged person having such close access to my living space.
i know we're just renters and it's up to my landlord to mediate this, but am i crazy? was the guy trespassing during his temper-tantrum?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/njx0k0/aita_for_demanding_a_heads_up_from_my_neighbor/
|
2021-05-24 12:39:22
|
nta he can't have just access anytime. you're 'only' the tenants, but tenants have rights. for example prior written notice from *your* landlord for anyone entering the property. even for your landlord if it's a non emergency. the owner collects rent, so they give up certain rights.
you're not guests, you're paying tenants. r/legaladvice. learn what your actual rights are. you can still compromise *if* you're comfortable, but it's good to know still.
|
nta, this guy isn't your problem, he's the landlord's problem. even if the landlord comes back and says there's a verbal agreement you can still say to the landlord that you don't have to honour his agreement since it's not on the lease.
once you establish that the driveway is yours, you now have the right to treat the neighbour as a trespasser and call the police if you feel threatened.
|
[removed]
|
nta
not your problem. the landlord can deal with that guy and if they need to fill you in on an arrangement it better be in the contract.
|
nta - simply continue to contact the landlord. let him know you don't want to have call the police or cause any long term problems with his neighbor without talking to him, but the guy is making you very uncomfortable. so please return the call and let you know about any agreements so you can proceed accordingly. could be the neighbor has always been a problem and he's ignoring you on purpose. in meantime, i'd very closely review your lease and maybe even speak to a property lawyer to find out your & landlords rights.
|
nta
you are entitled to fell safe on the property you are renting. this guy is using threatening behaviour to coerce you into agreeing to what he wants.
he does not have the right to access the property you are renting without prior agreement from you. if the landlord has not told you the neighbour has easement, then he is trespassing.
get confirmation from your landlord that he has no right of access. if your neighbour continues this unacceptable behaviour, call the police.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my roommate and i are tenants of a first floor apartment in a major city. the property has a driveway, which belongs to my landlord per the deed. she thus gave us permission to use it (documented in the lease). my neighbor's house (which he owns) and my landlord's are seperated by the driveway. there is a wire gate at the entrance. on my neighbor's side is just a brick wall, no windows or anything. a few weeks ago, i was parking in front of the driveway (something i seldom do, but there was no parking and i wasnt staying long). the neighbor stormed out of his house as i was parking and started to (pretend?) to unlock our gate, and said "you cant park here." (we recently moved in, so he didnt recognize me). when i told him it was my driveway and asked if he has a key, he started mumbling about an arrangement. dude was weird but i could deal...until this past weekend. i was opening the gate to let my roommate pull her car in, and he was coming out of his house. i said hello to him and his kid, and he barged into the driveway without asking, "inspecting" his wall and telling his little kid how theyre going to have to fix it soon (not a brick specialist, but nothing is wrong with it). when i asked him to fill me in about the agreement, he became very hostile and combative. he continued to move further up the driveway and be verbally aggressive (all in front of his 5 year old). i communicated to him that we don't mind if he needs access at some point, but that we'd like to be notified first as it's a privacy issue (our bedrooms/bathroom windows face the driveway, and there is an entrance right into a bedroom). like for example, he could have asked me before pushing past. he told me he doesnt make deals with renters, that he has a prior verbal agreement with the landlord, and that he'll rip the gate off his house (implying that he'll be able to access at his will). i remained very calm, collected, and polite but i think that made it worse. i've reached out to my landlord but no word yet (we were never informed of any agreement). was this guy trespassing (the entire driveway is on my landlords deed with no written easement, he has his own points of egress from his house)? as a woman, i felt threatened to be honest, and i dont want an unhinged person having such close access to my living space. i know we're just renters and it's up to my landlord to mediate this, but am i crazy? was the guy trespassing during his temper-tantrum?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my roommate and i are tenants of a first floor apartment in a major city. the property has a driveway, which belongs to my landlord per the deed. she thus gave us permission to use it (documented in the lease). my neighbor's house (which he owns) and my landlord's are seperated by the driveway. there is a wire gate at the entrance. on my neighbor's side is just a brick wall, no windows or anything. a few weeks ago, i was parking in front of the driveway (something i seldom do, but there was no parking and i wasnt staying long). the neighbor stormed out of his house as i was parking and started to (pretend?) to unlock our gate, and said "you cant park here." (we recently moved in, so he didnt recognize me). when i told him it was my driveway and asked if he has a key, he started mumbling about an arrangement. dude was weird but i could deal...until this past weekend. i was opening the gate to let my roommate pull her car in, and he was coming out of his house. i said hello to him and his kid, and he barged into the driveway without asking, "inspecting" his wall and telling his little kid how theyre going to have to fix it soon (not a brick specialist, but nothing is wrong with it). when i asked him to fill me in about the agreement, he became very hostile and combative. he continued to move further up the driveway and be verbally aggressive (all in front of his 5 year old). i communicated to him that we don't mind if he needs access at some point, but that we'd like to be notified first as it's a privacy issue (our bedrooms/bathroom windows face the driveway, and there is an entrance right into a bedroom). like for example, he could have asked me before pushing past. he told me he doesnt make deals with renters, that he has a prior verbal agreement with the landlord, and that he'll rip the gate off his house (implying that he'll be able to access at his will). i remained very calm, collected, and polite but i think that made it worse. i've reached out to my landlord but no word yet (we were never informed of any agreement). was this guy trespassing (the entire driveway is on my landlords deed with no written easement, he has his own points of egress from his house)? as a woman, i felt threatened to be honest, and i dont want an unhinged person having such close access to my living space. i know we're just renters and it's up to my landlord to mediate this, but am i crazy? was the guy trespassing during his temper-tantrum? [/INST] nta he can't have just access anytime. you're 'only' the tenants, but tenants have rights. for example prior written notice from *your* landlord for anyone entering the property. even for your landlord if it's a non emergency. the owner collects rent, so they give up certain rights. you're not guests, you're paying tenants. r/legaladvice. learn what your actual rights are. you can still compromise *if* you're comfortable, but it's good to know still. </s>
|
AITA For taking personal beliefs and ideology into consideration when I hire new people for my small business?
|
just to prove this isnt a troll or a bait post im leaving my political affiliation and the rejected workers political affiliation up to the imagination.
i have a small (6 full time employees) business that is looking to create 3 new positions for the new year. ive interviewed seven candidates (out of 30 applicants) for one job i need filled asap.
i narrowed my selection down to four people. theyre all pretty much equal in experience, knowledge, and confidence. ones a bit more charismatic than the rest but really thats just superficial.
ill be honest, i did actually look at their social media. its connected to their linkedin so its kinda hard to resist.
one woman out of the four is imo completely off the rails politically and ideology wise. not just disagreeing but expressing outright hatred and disdain for the other side (which i subscribe too). posts basically saying that this half of the country is stupid and morally bankrupt. also a lot of posts that i consider to be trolling or meant to provoke.
idk it just weirded me out that someone could seem so normal in person and have such strange beliefs. i never would have connected the dots from our interview and text messages.
so i basically wrote her off for it and went with someone else. my wife thinks that may be illegal (i dont think it is, just to look at the social media of someone) and that even though the woman is a poltical troll that maybe i shouldve just ignored it. in general she agrees with me though that the posts are provoking. but what do you guys think.
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/arwelz/aita_for_taking_personal_beliefs_and_ideology/
|
2019-02-18 11:40:13
|
nta - for me, you judged her because of how she acts, not on what (believes) she acts.
|
nta, political affiliation/beliefs are not a protected class and if you feel that your business will be more harmonious without a batshit troll spouting conspiracy theory nonsense you have every right not to hire that person.
fwiw, most business now scan social media sites to look up applicants. that's why you hear so much about not putting something you don't want your potential employer/employer to see, and possibly think twice about hiring you or fire you.
|
info. political beliefs don't exist on an island. politics tie into literally every aspect of life, so i think it's potentially problematic. also with keeping everything real vague except for, "off the rails, imo" is a bit leading. we haven't actually seen her posts. her comments (although coming from someone "on the other team") could be very reasonable within context.
this is even more iffy since you mentioned in some comments that political affiliation really has nothing to do with the job.
|
nta
if you rejected her more on the basis of how disruptive she would be to your team than on her political and personal views. who wants to hire someone that you suspect will disrupt the work?
if she didn't private lock her social media, then it's public content, you're safe here.
i wouldn't mention that to her though, some people are quick to do lawsuits "he discriminated vs my political views"
|
info
honestly hard to say. i know you're not trying to post your beliefs but i can't even say with the info given. if she was.. lets say a super mega racist who hates non-white people then no, you aren't an asshole. but if you hate her because she thinks people deserve rights and she's vocal about it then you're the asshole.
i by no means think you're a troll but there's just not enough for me to form any opinions. i do think its silly not to hire someone over politics but if they could say some crap to put your business in danger then its fair i guess. its important to check in on workers, its why people can be fired for posting really really racist shit on twitter. they don't want that kinda stuff in their place of business.
idk man, unless you're willing to tell us more. i got nothing.
|
yta without more information. unless her political affiliation has any relevance to her job or her ability to do her job, then that's not a reason to discriminate against her.
we're also not going to pretend that all ideologies are equal. it's impossible to know whether yta without knowing what these political opinions she was airing were.
|
nta. it is common practice to check social media as part of the employee vetting process. if you don’t like how this person interacts with others online that’s a good reason not to employ them, as it can be indicative of how they interact with people (customers and colleagues) in real life.
|
nah, you hire the person you see fit that's all. the most important point is that you did not discriminate because of her political beliefs but because of her behavior which is justified i guess. if you think that her behavior is not good for the job ,you have the right to not hire that person
edit : a word
|
info.
the thing is, by looking at social media you're not just learning about political beliefs. you're also potentially determining race, gender, martial status, disability status etc which *are* protected classes. so while in your mind you may be judging based on one thing, you could be appear to be judging on other criteria as well.
|
nta.
&#x200b;
first off, if you live in the us it is not illegal to discriminate on the basis of someone's social media profile or political beliefs. it is, in fact, increasingly common for employers to research candidates on social media precisely to identify people who may be extremists, racists, or otherwise present a liability. if someone were to write on their facebook page, "i hate immigrants from whateverstan," then an employer would rightly question whether that person would represent the company well when they have to deal with a whateverstani customer. the truth of the matter is that in today's world, the employee's social media presence can and will reflect on their employer.
&#x200b;
second, when you are leading a group - and especially so in a very small business like this one - it is very important to promote group solidarity. if you think someone's personality will be a bad fit, you have every right to turn them down. people get turned down for jobs all the time because they don't fit the 'culture' the leaders are trying to cultivate. maybe the candidate is a jerk, or maybe they smell bad, or maybe they have extreme political opinions. if you think their personality and their beliefs will cause conflict with the other team members, you have every right to turn them down.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
INFO
|
NTA
| 0.196625 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: just to prove this isnt a troll or a bait post im leaving my political affiliation and the rejected workers political affiliation up to the imagination. i have a small (6 full time employees) business that is looking to create 3 new positions for the new year. ive interviewed seven candidates (out of 30 applicants) for one job i need filled asap. i narrowed my selection down to four people. theyre all pretty much equal in experience, knowledge, and confidence. ones a bit more charismatic than the rest but really thats just superficial. ill be honest, i did actually look at their social media. its connected to their linkedin so its kinda hard to resist. one woman out of the four is imo completely off the rails politically and ideology wise. not just disagreeing but expressing outright hatred and disdain for the other side (which i subscribe too). posts basically saying that this half of the country is stupid and morally bankrupt. also a lot of posts that i consider to be trolling or meant to provoke. idk it just weirded me out that someone could seem so normal in person and have such strange beliefs. i never would have connected the dots from our interview and text messages. so i basically wrote her off for it and went with someone else. my wife thinks that may be illegal (i dont think it is, just to look at the social media of someone) and that even though the woman is a poltical troll that maybe i shouldve just ignored it. in general she agrees with me though that the posts are provoking. but what do you guys think.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
just to prove this isnt a troll or a bait post im leaving my political affiliation and the rejected workers political affiliation up to the imagination. i have a small (6 full time employees) business that is looking to create 3 new positions for the new year. ive interviewed seven candidates (out of 30 applicants) for one job i need filled asap. i narrowed my selection down to four people. theyre all pretty much equal in experience, knowledge, and confidence. ones a bit more charismatic than the rest but really thats just superficial. ill be honest, i did actually look at their social media. its connected to their linkedin so its kinda hard to resist. one woman out of the four is imo completely off the rails politically and ideology wise. not just disagreeing but expressing outright hatred and disdain for the other side (which i subscribe too). posts basically saying that this half of the country is stupid and morally bankrupt. also a lot of posts that i consider to be trolling or meant to provoke. idk it just weirded me out that someone could seem so normal in person and have such strange beliefs. i never would have connected the dots from our interview and text messages. so i basically wrote her off for it and went with someone else. my wife thinks that may be illegal (i dont think it is, just to look at the social media of someone) and that even though the woman is a poltical troll that maybe i shouldve just ignored it. in general she agrees with me though that the posts are provoking. but what do you guys think. [/INST] nta - for me, you judged her because of how she acts, not on what (believes) she acts. </s>
|
AITA for kicking my friends out for joking about my dead best friend?
|
my(20f) bestfriend "derek" (21m) passed away last month due to cancer. even though he was diagnosed a year ago his death was very unexpected. i have known him all my life and we grew up together in the same town.
i'm still not over his death completely and have days where i miss him a lot. my boyfriend "leo" (22m) suggested that having a small get together with my friends will cheer me up and i agreed. restrictions in our area have been lifted and we were taking precautions. so we invited our friends for dinner and games. now they didn't know derek that well as i met them after i left my hometown. they've only met him thrice when he was visiting me. but all of them know about his death and that i took it hard.
so we were having a fun time and we decided to play charades. one of my friends had to act out a movie with the word "dead" in it and for some reason she thought it would be funny to point to a picture of me and derek on my mantle piece to spell it out. and her teammates even guessed it right and everyone started laughing. i felt it was too soon and told them that but they just dismissed me saying that it wasn't a big deal. they continued laughing about it so i got angry and kicked them all out. my bf asked them to leave as well and helped me calm down but later confessed that he thinks i overreacted. some of my friends have apologized but others think that i owe them an apology for kicking them out. one of my friend's gf even said that i'm using derek's death to get attention and that really hurt me. so i'm super conflicted now. was i overeacting? i know the joke wasn't that offensive and i'll maybe be fine with it down the line but it was too soon. besides none of them knew him so they have no right joking about him. so aita?
| 154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iqmny0/aita_for_kicking_my_friends_out_for_joking_about/
|
2020-09-11 08:31:15
|
nta that joke was insensitive and they should have apologised the moment you told them it upset you instead of doubling down on their assholery. a month is not a long enough time to grieve and get over someone's death to the point you can make jokes about it.
|
nta. the whole point of the get together was to cheer you up because of your best friend’s death, and the fact that they knew you took his death pretty badly should’ve been a clear sign to not make light of his passing. it’s even worse that they used him in reference to ‘dead’ for laughs, which means that they probably just wanted to hang out and have fun, not to brighten your mood.
|
nta. i’m so sorry for your loss. you can’t put a timeline on healing from this. people who ignore your feelings and are this insensitive to your trauma may not be your friends. stay safe🖤
|
nta
a month? a month! i can’t stress enough that it’s only been a month and they think your grief isn’t genuine and only for attention shows the true caliber of those so-called friends. their complete lack of empathy for a human soul and a lost opportunity at a fulfilling life of love and friendship is astounding.
|
nta in anyway shape or form. your response was how you felt and no one can tell you how you should feel and when you should be okay with something. take your time to get over your friends death. as for the boyfriend he's wrong thinking you overreacted
|
nta.
joking about somebody's death that you hardly know is just in poor taste.
|
nta. it's not a matter to make light of in any way.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided. Conflict context: my(20f) bestfriend "derek" (21m) passed away last month due to cancer. even though he was diagnosed a year ago his death was very unexpected. i have known him all my life and we grew up together in the same town. i'm still not over his death completely and have days where i miss him a lot. my boyfriend "leo" (22m) suggested that having a small get together with my friends will cheer me up and i agreed. restrictions in our area have been lifted and we were taking precautions. so we invited our friends for dinner and games. now they didn't know derek that well as i met them after i left my hometown. they've only met him thrice when he was visiting me. but all of them know about his death and that i took it hard. so we were having a fun time and we decided to play charades. one of my friends had to act out a movie with the word "dead" in it and for some reason she thought it would be funny to point to a picture of me and derek on my mantle piece to spell it out. and her teammates even guessed it right and everyone started laughing. i felt it was too soon and told them that but they just dismissed me saying that it wasn't a big deal. they continued laughing about it so i got angry and kicked them all out. my bf asked them to leave as well and helped me calm down but later confessed that he thinks i overreacted. some of my friends have apologized but others think that i owe them an apology for kicking them out. one of my friend's gf even said that i'm using derek's death to get attention and that really hurt me. so i'm super conflicted now. was i overeacting? i know the joke wasn't that offensive and i'll maybe be fine with it down the line but it was too soon. besides none of them knew him so they have no right joking about him. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict and explain your choice. Your choices are limited to you're the a**hole (yta) when the writer is causing the conflict, not the a**hole (nta) when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict, no a**holes here (nah) when no one is causing the conflict, everyone sucks here (esh) when everyone is causing the conflict, more information needed (info) when a classification cannot be made with the context provided.
<</SYS>>
my(20f) bestfriend "derek" (21m) passed away last month due to cancer. even though he was diagnosed a year ago his death was very unexpected. i have known him all my life and we grew up together in the same town. i'm still not over his death completely and have days where i miss him a lot. my boyfriend "leo" (22m) suggested that having a small get together with my friends will cheer me up and i agreed. restrictions in our area have been lifted and we were taking precautions. so we invited our friends for dinner and games. now they didn't know derek that well as i met them after i left my hometown. they've only met him thrice when he was visiting me. but all of them know about his death and that i took it hard. so we were having a fun time and we decided to play charades. one of my friends had to act out a movie with the word "dead" in it and for some reason she thought it would be funny to point to a picture of me and derek on my mantle piece to spell it out. and her teammates even guessed it right and everyone started laughing. i felt it was too soon and told them that but they just dismissed me saying that it wasn't a big deal. they continued laughing about it so i got angry and kicked them all out. my bf asked them to leave as well and helped me calm down but later confessed that he thinks i overreacted. some of my friends have apologized but others think that i owe them an apology for kicking them out. one of my friend's gf even said that i'm using derek's death to get attention and that really hurt me. so i'm super conflicted now. was i overeacting? i know the joke wasn't that offensive and i'll maybe be fine with it down the line but it was too soon. besides none of them knew him so they have no right joking about him. so aita? [/INST] nta that joke was insensitive and they should have apologised the moment you told them it upset you instead of doubling down on their assholery. a month is not a long enough time to grieve and get over someone's death to the point you can make jokes about it. </s>
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.