submission_title
stringlengths 15
304
| submission_text
stringlengths 0
3.4k
| submission_score
int64 145
70.8k
| submission_url
stringlengths 70
106
| submission_date
stringdate 2019-01-01 03:28:42
2022-12-31 22:11:01
| top_comment_1
stringlengths 3
788
| top_comment_2
stringlengths 0
5.07k
⌀ | top_comment_3
stringlengths 0
7.01k
⌀ | top_comment_4
stringlengths 0
8.67k
⌀ | top_comment_5
stringlengths 0
6.19k
⌀ | top_comment_6
stringlengths 0
6.82k
⌀ | top_comment_7
stringlengths 0
4.75k
⌀ | top_comment_8
stringlengths 0
9.25k
⌀ | top_comment_9
stringlengths 0
9.74k
⌀ | top_comment_10
stringlengths 0
8.27k
⌀ | top_comment_1_classification
stringclasses 2
values | top_comment_2_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_3_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_4_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_5_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_6_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_7_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_8_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_9_classification
stringclasses 5
values | top_comment_10_classification
stringclasses 5
values | ambiguity_score
float64 0
1
| flanT5_instruction
stringlengths 242
3.63k
| llama2_instruction
stringlengths 284
4.1k
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
AITA for downright refusing to wear a dress to church.
|
so it's way more complicated then this.
i'm 18f
so my auntie paid for me and my mum to go to america for 2 weeks starting tomorrow.
(that's when we fly)
my auntie wants us to visit her old church that she went to as a child and go to a sunday service there. i agreed as it's a paid trip to america and the least i can do is be nice to my auntie.
my auntie has decided that when we go we have to look presentable so she got me a dress. i have great hatred for dresses and have never worn one in years.
i said that i would rather not wear a dress and my auntie disagrees and says i should wear a dress.
mum is on the fence about the whole situation and my auntie is dead set on me wearing a dress.
i own a good pair of pants and a nice top i could wear but my auntie thinks it's "not appropriate" they are black dress pants and a white blazer if you are wondering.
aita?
edit 1 if she decides to be a ass and ban me from coming to america i will pay my way there.
| 543 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d1nw2w/aita_for_downright_refusing_to_wear_a_dress_to/
|
2019-09-09 07:59:34
|
nta. dresses are not required to attend church. you're not a barbie doll. auntie is being unreasonable, assuming your clothes aren't too revealing or in tatters, neither of which seems to be the case.
|
nta you are not suggesting to wear a neon pink tutu and nipple cut out t-shirt. you are suggesting a perfectly appropriate outfit. it's not the 1950's. we don't have to wear skirts, hats and little white gloves.
if this gets brought up again just say that you are not comfortable wearing a dress and will wear the trousers and jacket.
|
nta
it's a nice gesture that you're going to the church with your aunt, but you are old enough to dress yourself. black dress pants and a white blazer doesn't really sound not appropriate.
|
nta. i'm catholic and loads of women wear trousers to church (and jeans). men have been wearing shorts during the summer. i dress a little smarter for mass than i do at home, but it's still very casual (trainers, jeans).
of course your outfit would be appropriate, but i'm thinking your aunt might attend one of those churches where the ladies all wear floral dresses and hats, and the men wear suits and ties.
|
nah
ask her what she would consider appropriate clothing other than a dress. depending on the rules of the actual church it might be that woman are expected to wear at least a skirt and a top which covers the shoulders.
if thats where she's coming from you might want to reconsider, because your auntie is paying for the trip and all she asks of you is to follow the customs of that particular religious institution. which should be respected.
it's a bit similar if you visit other countries and they have certain dress requirements. you'd follow the rules there even though it's not what you'd wear normally.
and in the end, it's just a dress and it's just one church service for 2 weeks paid to america, sounds like a good deal to me
|
this is america, not 1940. women are not required to wear dresses.
|
nta. your auntie is operating from a bunch of really old memories of how people dressed at church when she was a child. trust me, unless your auntie was attending an amish or other very conservative church, there will be lots of women who are wearing pants to sunday service. lots. the best way to show her this is to find the name of the church website and pull up some photographs of church events. maybe if she sees that your clothing will fit in with what everybody else is wearing, that will reassure her.
|
nta - tell her you will go wearing your outfit or you will not go. you're an adult, not a doll.
|
yta - no dresses are not required for churches and other nice clothing work, but your aunt is paying for your trip and you wearing a dress is a big deal to her yet you still refuse to wear one? being an adult is about compromising how about you just do something nice for your aunt and wear the dress since she is doing something nice for you. i hate wearing ties but if it meant something to a close family member that i wear one, i would. you wear the damn thing for a couple of hours quit acting like its a huge deal.
|
info: what denomination is the church? in some churches it's almost required that you wear a dress or skirt (like a mennonite church).
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
| 0.099413 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so it's way more complicated then this. i'm 18f so my auntie paid for me and my mum to go to america for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. (that's when we fly) my auntie wants us to visit her old church that she went to as a child and go to a sunday service there. i agreed as it's a paid trip to america and the least i can do is be nice to my auntie. my auntie has decided that when we go we have to look presentable so she got me a dress. i have great hatred for dresses and have never worn one in years. i said that i would rather not wear a dress and my auntie disagrees and says i should wear a dress. mum is on the fence about the whole situation and my auntie is dead set on me wearing a dress. i own a good pair of pants and a nice top i could wear but my auntie thinks it's "not appropriate" they are black dress pants and a white blazer if you are wondering. aita? edit 1 if she decides to be a ass and ban me from coming to america i will pay my way there.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so it's way more complicated then this. i'm 18f so my auntie paid for me and my mum to go to america for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. (that's when we fly) my auntie wants us to visit her old church that she went to as a child and go to a sunday service there. i agreed as it's a paid trip to america and the least i can do is be nice to my auntie. my auntie has decided that when we go we have to look presentable so she got me a dress. i have great hatred for dresses and have never worn one in years. i said that i would rather not wear a dress and my auntie disagrees and says i should wear a dress. mum is on the fence about the whole situation and my auntie is dead set on me wearing a dress. i own a good pair of pants and a nice top i could wear but my auntie thinks it's "not appropriate" they are black dress pants and a white blazer if you are wondering. aita? edit 1 if she decides to be a ass and ban me from coming to america i will pay my way there. [/INST] nta. dresses are not required to attend church. you're not a barbie doll. auntie is being unreasonable, assuming your clothes aren't too revealing or in tatters, neither of which seems to be the case. </s>
|
AITA for prioritizing kids' safety over wife's comfort?
|
i put my kids (twin two year olds) in their car seats this morning to go to daycare. when i went to pick up one of the twins to pop him in his car seat and he didn't want to go. screaming, kicking.....the usual for a two year old who doesn't want something.
once i got him in his car seat, i adjust the clips and seat belt shoulder pads (the shoulder pads are important) to the right height and tighten the seatbelt to what i consider safe. i'm not strangling him but i do want to be sure he's safe. i tighten so that it's loose enough that you can get two fingers underneath the seatbelt (per most guidelines) but still tight enough to prevent much movement in case of an accident. meanwhile, he's still not happy about being there (struggling, more kicking) but he is secure so i go get his sister situated. then i say goodbye and my wife takes off.
30 min later i get an angry text from my wife saying she found a thin red mark about 3 inches long on his neck where the car seat seatbelt rests and that it's all my fault for tightening the seat belt too much. in her words the red marks are injuries (as evidence she sends a picture) that i need to stop inflicting on our kids. this has happened a few other times in the past as well. to be clear, these marks are caused by the seat belt being snug. it's not because i pulled the straps causing a rope burn or bruising. it is a superficial red mark that goes away on its own pretty quickly. it's the type of mark you might get if you fell asleep on the couch and your cheek was pressing on the remote buttons too long. you'd probably wake up with the remote control pattern etched into the side of your face for a while.
so after i got that text, i point out that i had taken all of our necessary precautions against this. the seatbelt shoulder pads (velcro add-ons) have to be at the right height to protect the kids' necks. the seatbelt can be tightened but not too tight, and we have to release a little bit of seat belt after all this to give them some slack (unsafe imo)
the only problem with this system is that the kids like to rip the velcro shoulder pads off during the car ride, which happened today. add on a fussy toddler who is squirming and kicking, and you get red marks from the seat belt and me getting chewed out for not doing everything in my power to "stop hurting the kids" while i put their seat belts on. side note: my daughter did not arrive with any seat belt marks.
my wife says it was my fault that the red mark was on him because i didn't give him enough slack in his seat belt (i genuinely forgot that step when buckling him in)
aita for telling my wife that her concerns about the red marks the seatbelts occasionally leave are crazy? again, i would like to emphasize that they are superficial red marks caused by the seat belt being snug (see paragraph 3) i'm just trying to make sure the kids are safe.
| 204 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l60899/aita_for_prioritizing_kids_safety_over_wifes/
|
2021-01-27 08:45:14
|
nta but your wife language is....worrisome.
go to a fire station and ask them to assist you with it...if they say you are fine, great. if they say you are doing a bit too tonight, well, now you know.
|
nta, but admittedly, your wife’s behavior is extremely concerning. it feels like she’s accusing you of neglectful abuse for properly restraining your child- and also brings to question how improperly they are secured when only she straps them in.
|
nta
a red mark is nothing compared to the potential injuries a small child would sustain in an accident if not properly secured. the kid was having a meltdown, all the flailing and straining on the straps was surely the cause, if they were in legitimate pain i imagine you'd know about it.
|
if you want a reasonable conversation you should avoid calling your wife crazy.
|
nta. a few read marks is nothing compared to, what is it that happens to people who don’t wear seatbelts and have an accident, oh yeah. death.
|
esh. you said yourself that this keeps happening. believe it or not seats really aren’t designed to leave 3” red marks. i’m guessing you’ve never seen marks on the children after your wife put them in the seat?
esh cos she shouldn’t have given you so much grief, there are always better ways to handle situations than giving out, but also think about how you’re putting the kids in the car seat and don’t call your wife crazy (believe it or not, most moms don’t like seeing their kids get hurt)
|
esh - if your kids skin is being marked by their car seat straps, you are putting the straps on too tight or doing something wrong in someway.
look - i totally get how difficult it is to get squirming screaming toddler into car seats!! i’ve done it for my kids. and it can happen occasionally that straps are too tight. but if it’s happening a lot it’s an issue and you need to look at it.
also - your wife’s reaction seems totally ott.
|
yta for the title alone. you didn’t prioritize your kids safety over your wife’s comfort. you dismissed your wife’s legitimate concerns about a parenting issue and then called her crazy for getting upset about your indifference.
put your ego aside and take a moment to give a shit about the fact that you have repeatedly caused marks on your child with your method of seatbelting. accept that there may be room for improvement in your methods. you clearly don’t respect your wife enough to take her input under consideration, so get a 3rd party involved. a parenting expert, not your mama or your bff who will just agree with you.
|
esh, she’s completely overreacting and should have just brought up her concerns calmly to start a rational conversation.
however, this isn’t the first time this has happened, and by your own admission you did forget to ensure he has enough slack in his seatbelt. they shouldn’t be getting red marks from their seatbelts, perhaps you should both look up some ways to prevent that, give them a try, perhaps you are doing them a little too tight.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
ESH
| null | 0.545815 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i put my kids (twin two year olds) in their car seats this morning to go to daycare. when i went to pick up one of the twins to pop him in his car seat and he didn't want to go. screaming, kicking.....the usual for a two year old who doesn't want something. once i got him in his car seat, i adjust the clips and seat belt shoulder pads (the shoulder pads are important) to the right height and tighten the seatbelt to what i consider safe. i'm not strangling him but i do want to be sure he's safe. i tighten so that it's loose enough that you can get two fingers underneath the seatbelt (per most guidelines) but still tight enough to prevent much movement in case of an accident. meanwhile, he's still not happy about being there (struggling, more kicking) but he is secure so i go get his sister situated. then i say goodbye and my wife takes off. 30 min later i get an angry text from my wife saying she found a thin red mark about 3 inches long on his neck where the car seat seatbelt rests and that it's all my fault for tightening the seat belt too much. in her words the red marks are injuries (as evidence she sends a picture) that i need to stop inflicting on our kids. this has happened a few other times in the past as well. to be clear, these marks are caused by the seat belt being snug. it's not because i pulled the straps causing a rope burn or bruising. it is a superficial red mark that goes away on its own pretty quickly. it's the type of mark you might get if you fell asleep on the couch and your cheek was pressing on the remote buttons too long. you'd probably wake up with the remote control pattern etched into the side of your face for a while. so after i got that text, i point out that i had taken all of our necessary precautions against this. the seatbelt shoulder pads (velcro add-ons) have to be at the right height to protect the kids' necks. the seatbelt can be tightened but not too tight, and we have to release a little bit of seat belt after all this to give them some slack (unsafe imo) the only problem with this system is that the kids like to rip the velcro shoulder pads off during the car ride, which happened today. add on a fussy toddler who is squirming and kicking, and you get red marks from the seat belt and me getting chewed out for not doing everything in my power to "stop hurting the kids" while i put their seat belts on. side note: my daughter did not arrive with any seat belt marks. my wife says it was my fault that the red mark was on him because i didn't give him enough slack in his seat belt (i genuinely forgot that step when buckling him in) aita for telling my wife that her concerns about the red marks the seatbelts occasionally leave are crazy? again, i would like to emphasize that they are superficial red marks caused by the seat belt being snug (see paragraph 3) i'm just trying to make sure the kids are safe.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i put my kids (twin two year olds) in their car seats this morning to go to daycare. when i went to pick up one of the twins to pop him in his car seat and he didn't want to go. screaming, kicking.....the usual for a two year old who doesn't want something. once i got him in his car seat, i adjust the clips and seat belt shoulder pads (the shoulder pads are important) to the right height and tighten the seatbelt to what i consider safe. i'm not strangling him but i do want to be sure he's safe. i tighten so that it's loose enough that you can get two fingers underneath the seatbelt (per most guidelines) but still tight enough to prevent much movement in case of an accident. meanwhile, he's still not happy about being there (struggling, more kicking) but he is secure so i go get his sister situated. then i say goodbye and my wife takes off. 30 min later i get an angry text from my wife saying she found a thin red mark about 3 inches long on his neck where the car seat seatbelt rests and that it's all my fault for tightening the seat belt too much. in her words the red marks are injuries (as evidence she sends a picture) that i need to stop inflicting on our kids. this has happened a few other times in the past as well. to be clear, these marks are caused by the seat belt being snug. it's not because i pulled the straps causing a rope burn or bruising. it is a superficial red mark that goes away on its own pretty quickly. it's the type of mark you might get if you fell asleep on the couch and your cheek was pressing on the remote buttons too long. you'd probably wake up with the remote control pattern etched into the side of your face for a while. so after i got that text, i point out that i had taken all of our necessary precautions against this. the seatbelt shoulder pads (velcro add-ons) have to be at the right height to protect the kids' necks. the seatbelt can be tightened but not too tight, and we have to release a little bit of seat belt after all this to give them some slack (unsafe imo) the only problem with this system is that the kids like to rip the velcro shoulder pads off during the car ride, which happened today. add on a fussy toddler who is squirming and kicking, and you get red marks from the seat belt and me getting chewed out for not doing everything in my power to "stop hurting the kids" while i put their seat belts on. side note: my daughter did not arrive with any seat belt marks. my wife says it was my fault that the red mark was on him because i didn't give him enough slack in his seat belt (i genuinely forgot that step when buckling him in) aita for telling my wife that her concerns about the red marks the seatbelts occasionally leave are crazy? again, i would like to emphasize that they are superficial red marks caused by the seat belt being snug (see paragraph 3) i'm just trying to make sure the kids are safe. [/INST] nta but your wife language is....worrisome. go to a fire station and ask them to assist you with it...if they say you are fine, great. if they say you are doing a bit too tonight, well, now you know. </s>
|
AITA for thinking my daughter shouldn’t need to do chores at someone else’s house.
|
my daughter cassie \[16\] has a friend sarah \[16\]. sarah is the eldest in a big family, the parents have only been married a few years and they both had kids going into the marriage and have 2 additional kids together. there’s one kid that’s definitely adopted as well. sarah is the mom’s bio daughter but beyond that i’m a little unclear on the relationships, the bottom line is that they have 2 babies and 6 kids from 10ish-16. their house is huge and has land around it, but per person it's smaller than ours and their lifestyle is at our slightly below ours financially. but i'm sure maintaining the house and the land and feeding that many kids takes more work than our 3 bedroom/3 person family.
sarah’s parents are stricter than us definitely. i’ve let cassie spend the night there a few times. the past few times she’s gone over there, i think/hope she helped clear her plate and such but otherwise not really done chores except things guests do normally. but this time, in the morning her mom made them breakfast and then said “okay it’s chore day, if you do it together you can get it done twice as fast.” sarah took it in stride but cassie felt awkward about it so she didn’t say anything but felt like it was weird and uncomfortable and just not how she wanted to spend her sunday morning. at one point someone else made a comment about her being "part of the family now." the implication being that she'd slept over enough times to not be treated as a guest.
i don’t normally get involved in this kind of thing but i was honestly confused so i did call sarah’s mom and she reacted like i’d demanded to know why i made her precious princess take her plate to the kitchen. she said that cassie could have sat it out and i said that that would have felt rude to her and sarah’s mom said “well…yeah” (the implication being that while she would have allowed cassie to sit it out while sarah did her weekly chores, she would have thought it was rude of cassie). and i sort of agree that it would be rude, but it’s a weird expectation to place on her in the first place.
**tl;dr: my daughter went to a sleepover at a friend's house and in the morning the mom made her help her daughter with chores. is that normal?**
&#x200b;
| 735 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tzb7y7/aita_for_thinking_my_daughter_shouldnt_need_to_do/
|
2022-04-08 19:24:44
|
nta if sarah has a set time to do weekly chores, then sarah's mother should request that the guest (cassie) spend a different night over or that she leaves before chore-time.
|
nta
that sounded like a pretty awkward moment for someone to put your daughter in. a guest no matter how many times is at your houses is a guest. i think the mom should have said 'hey it's chore day so we will need to make your visit shorter and have you picked up." so weird of that family.
|
nta - super weird to get guests to help with chores. when i was a kid the most i would be asked to do as a guest was help set the table or clear off the table. some times take the pool cover off/on when we were a bit older. i wouldn't be surprised if your daughter stopped sleeping over at her friends house.
|
nah. it’s not how you operate in your house. they do something different. if you don’t like it, don’t let your daughter sleep over there. when i went to sleepovers as a kids i ended up helping babysit, do chores, check traps/hunt grouse, and even go to a different church on sunday. when we slept over at someone’s house, we just understood that whatever our friend was expected to do, we were expected to do too.
when you go to someone else’s house, you follow their rules. if the rules say no shoes in the house, you take off your shoe. if it’s no hats at the table, you put your hat on the side table with the others’. if your friend is expected to do chores, you help them do chores.
|
nah. i don’t really think that your daughter should be forced to help with her friends chores, but also don’t see harm in it. whenever i would stay with a friend i always helped with their chores so we could go do whatever we wanted. i think it’s nice to help with chores if someone is letting you stay at their house and likely feeding you a few times
|
nta. i think it’s fine to ask an overnight guest to pitch in a little, especially with messes they helped make, but 2 hours worth of chores is excessive.
|
whenever i used to stay over at friends house i used to always help out and if said friend was staying at my place they helped too. growing up i never thought this was weird (still don’t). if we got the chores done faster we got more time to hangout and do what we wanted
|
nta. this should have been disclosed to cassie that it's chore days on sunday and thus probably shouldn't bother staying over saturday night. sarah's mom *should* have first asked if cassie wanted a ride home and then let her know that she can just relax if she wasn't up for helping out.
i've helped my friends parents and them with chores while i'm over there simply because it didn't bother me too much. but other people are obviously different as well as the chores being done.
|
i was always expected to participate in chores when i stayed over at friends houses and my mom always asked my friends who slept over to pitch in if it my day to do something. i don't have kids but if i did, i would expect them to help out, cheerfully, when they were houseguests and would definitely have no problem with putting their friends to work if mine had chores & company at the same time.
i am very put off by your highlighting the economic differences and the totally irrelevant fact that some of the children are adopted. it sounds like you consider this family to be beneath you. that may not be your your intent but i think you may want to ponder *why* you believed those factors were germane to the issue of the chores.
for the purposes of the sub, yta
|
nah.
the one event of cassie helping to do chores will not scar her. if she didn't like it, she doesn't need to sleep over there anymore, especially on that day. she can invite her friend to sleep over at your place instead. there's nothing abusive about basic chores (though we don't know the full depth of this) and if that's how they're raising their kids, that's their choice.
you calling about it was kind of a jerk move. but i get wanting to know what's going on with your kid.
i remember helping a friend with chores occasionally when i slept over. and when i was a teenager and i'd be hanging out at my friend's house all the time, we were expected to clean up after ourselves, etc. it's no biggie.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.092802 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter cassie \[16\] has a friend sarah \[16\]. sarah is the eldest in a big family, the parents have only been married a few years and they both had kids going into the marriage and have 2 additional kids together. there’s one kid that’s definitely adopted as well. sarah is the mom’s bio daughter but beyond that i’m a little unclear on the relationships, the bottom line is that they have 2 babies and 6 kids from 10ish-16. their house is huge and has land around it, but per person it's smaller than ours and their lifestyle is at our slightly below ours financially. but i'm sure maintaining the house and the land and feeding that many kids takes more work than our 3 bedroom/3 person family. sarah’s parents are stricter than us definitely. i’ve let cassie spend the night there a few times. the past few times she’s gone over there, i think/hope she helped clear her plate and such but otherwise not really done chores except things guests do normally. but this time, in the morning her mom made them breakfast and then said “okay it’s chore day, if you do it together you can get it done twice as fast.” sarah took it in stride but cassie felt awkward about it so she didn’t say anything but felt like it was weird and uncomfortable and just not how she wanted to spend her sunday morning. at one point someone else made a comment about her being "part of the family now." the implication being that she'd slept over enough times to not be treated as a guest. i don’t normally get involved in this kind of thing but i was honestly confused so i did call sarah’s mom and she reacted like i’d demanded to know why i made her precious princess take her plate to the kitchen. she said that cassie could have sat it out and i said that that would have felt rude to her and sarah’s mom said “well…yeah” (the implication being that while she would have allowed cassie to sit it out while sarah did her weekly chores, she would have thought it was rude of cassie). and i sort of agree that it would be rude, but it’s a weird expectation to place on her in the first place. **tl;dr: my daughter went to a sleepover at a friend's house and in the morning the mom made her help her daughter with chores. is that normal?** &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter cassie \[16\] has a friend sarah \[16\]. sarah is the eldest in a big family, the parents have only been married a few years and they both had kids going into the marriage and have 2 additional kids together. there’s one kid that’s definitely adopted as well. sarah is the mom’s bio daughter but beyond that i’m a little unclear on the relationships, the bottom line is that they have 2 babies and 6 kids from 10ish-16. their house is huge and has land around it, but per person it's smaller than ours and their lifestyle is at our slightly below ours financially. but i'm sure maintaining the house and the land and feeding that many kids takes more work than our 3 bedroom/3 person family. sarah’s parents are stricter than us definitely. i’ve let cassie spend the night there a few times. the past few times she’s gone over there, i think/hope she helped clear her plate and such but otherwise not really done chores except things guests do normally. but this time, in the morning her mom made them breakfast and then said “okay it’s chore day, if you do it together you can get it done twice as fast.” sarah took it in stride but cassie felt awkward about it so she didn’t say anything but felt like it was weird and uncomfortable and just not how she wanted to spend her sunday morning. at one point someone else made a comment about her being "part of the family now." the implication being that she'd slept over enough times to not be treated as a guest. i don’t normally get involved in this kind of thing but i was honestly confused so i did call sarah’s mom and she reacted like i’d demanded to know why i made her precious princess take her plate to the kitchen. she said that cassie could have sat it out and i said that that would have felt rude to her and sarah’s mom said “well…yeah” (the implication being that while she would have allowed cassie to sit it out while sarah did her weekly chores, she would have thought it was rude of cassie). and i sort of agree that it would be rude, but it’s a weird expectation to place on her in the first place. **tl;dr: my daughter went to a sleepover at a friend's house and in the morning the mom made her help her daughter with chores. is that normal?** &#x200b; [/INST] nta if sarah has a set time to do weekly chores, then sarah's mother should request that the guest (cassie) spend a different night over or that she leaves before chore-time. </s>
|
AITA for leaving our son with my husband so I could have a nap while his friends were over?
|
my husband’s friends sometimes come over to spend time with him. they were here last friday which i was fine with but our son wouldn’t go to sleep which was frustrating for me because i wanted to take a nap as for this pregnancy i’ve been constantly tired.
i tried to get him to go to sleep for an hour but i eventually gave up and took him outside where my husband was with his guests. i asked him to watch our son for a bit but his best friend told me some of them were going to smoke so i should take him back inside. i’ll admit i wasn’t in the best mood so i told him he wouldn’t be able to smoke. it didn’t need to turn into a fight but it did because he was trying to guilt me into taking my son inside by telling me they were drinking and how they hadn’t seen my husband in ages and how i had already changed my husband’s life rapidly in less than 2 years so i should let him have one night with his friends.
my husband did tell his best friend to shut up and said he would watch our son but was i ta?
| 395 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xwlvui/aita_for_leaving_our_son_with_my_husband_so_i/
|
2022-10-05 20:48:08
|
nta. his friends need to keep their noses out of y’all’s relationship. if your husband understands, that’s all that really matters. you needed rest and shouldn’t be expected to give that up so that his friends can smoke and have a good time.
|
nta, it is between you and your husband. his friend, frankly, is a jerk. good for your husband for telling him to shut up.
|
you: "i am literally incubating a life inside my body right now while simultaneously raising a toddler. i need a nap."
husband's friends:
&#x200b;
you are not the a
|
nta. your husband's friend was actually rude and his comment out of place.
|
nta and extra bonus points for your husband for telling his friend to shut up.
|
nta. he made the baby too and plans sometimes get changed because of kids. his friends sound pretty immature.
|
nta. it’s not a favor for your husband to watch his son, it’s just being a parent. he had a child, that means he is now a parent, and has to care for that baby.
next time you feel guilty, imagine the roles were reversed. would your husband feel guilty about asking you to watch your son for an hour or two?
|
nta. you're pregnant and have a small child to take care of and needed a break. your husband is just as much of a parent to that child as you are. it's perfectly reasonable to ask him to watch the kid for a bit. if your husband wanted to spend time with his friends free of parental responsibility, he shouldn't have had kids.
|
nta
your husband did exactly what he was supposed to do. that wasn't your battle, that was his battle and he stepped right up.
|
nta. his friend imposed himself where he doesn't belong. your hubby said what he needed to.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband’s friends sometimes come over to spend time with him. they were here last friday which i was fine with but our son wouldn’t go to sleep which was frustrating for me because i wanted to take a nap as for this pregnancy i’ve been constantly tired. i tried to get him to go to sleep for an hour but i eventually gave up and took him outside where my husband was with his guests. i asked him to watch our son for a bit but his best friend told me some of them were going to smoke so i should take him back inside. i’ll admit i wasn’t in the best mood so i told him he wouldn’t be able to smoke. it didn’t need to turn into a fight but it did because he was trying to guilt me into taking my son inside by telling me they were drinking and how they hadn’t seen my husband in ages and how i had already changed my husband’s life rapidly in less than 2 years so i should let him have one night with his friends. my husband did tell his best friend to shut up and said he would watch our son but was i ta?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband’s friends sometimes come over to spend time with him. they were here last friday which i was fine with but our son wouldn’t go to sleep which was frustrating for me because i wanted to take a nap as for this pregnancy i’ve been constantly tired. i tried to get him to go to sleep for an hour but i eventually gave up and took him outside where my husband was with his guests. i asked him to watch our son for a bit but his best friend told me some of them were going to smoke so i should take him back inside. i’ll admit i wasn’t in the best mood so i told him he wouldn’t be able to smoke. it didn’t need to turn into a fight but it did because he was trying to guilt me into taking my son inside by telling me they were drinking and how they hadn’t seen my husband in ages and how i had already changed my husband’s life rapidly in less than 2 years so i should let him have one night with his friends. my husband did tell his best friend to shut up and said he would watch our son but was i ta? [/INST] nta. his friends need to keep their noses out of y’all’s relationship. if your husband understands, that’s all that really matters. you needed rest and shouldn’t be expected to give that up so that his friends can smoke and have a good time. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to apologize to my SIL and telling her it’s her fault she saw me naked when she came to our house unannounced?
|
my sil (29f) has keys to our place temporarily because she’s using our garage to store her equipment to work on some projects as a side job. she only comes over on mondays and wednesdays. sometimes she needs something form inside the house or to use the bathroom so that’s why she has it.
she caught us by surprise when she showed up at the house with zero warning. usually we at least get a text. my wife (28f) and i (28 m) had the day off yesterday so we decided to take full advantage right now that these days are her peak window time and we’re trying to have a kid….
a while later my wife asked to make her a snack so i went downstairs fully in the nude because we were gonna eat in bed anyways. she barely had gotten there a few minutes ago. before anyone asks why we didn’t hear the garage opening, it’s because we were obviously occupied at the time 😅
it was awkward. i covered myself then she went back to the garage. then i went back upstairs to put something on, wife and i confronted her downstairs. she starts yelling at me why the heck am i walking around naked and i said it’s because this is my house. she didn’t even tell us she was coming over. sil was acting like it’s my fault, then she gives me attitude with “well aren’t you gonna apologize.”
but i’m not gonna apologize for her coming into my house without warning, it’s her own fault she came in on a day my wife and i happened to be getting busy with eachother. my wife fully has my back on this because she even told her sister to stop being a drama queen.
now she won’t drop it though. she’s still getting pissed at me because “what weirdo walks around naked”, how was she supposed to know we would be doing that (countered that with saying she should’ve called then). also that i can’t even apologize for making her uncomfortable having to see a naked man without her consent.
this whole thing is being blown out of proportion, at least to us. so just want a sanity check here and ask if i’m ta after all or did we just step in the twilight zone?
| 5,691 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u4i7o0/aita_for_refusing_to_apologize_to_my_sil_and/
|
2022-04-15 21:25:06
|
nta. your body is not a shameful or 'bad' thing, it is literally your body. you were in your own home with the expectation that the only other person who would see you was your wife.
let your sil know that whilst you do not apologize, you agree that this needs to be prevented in the future and so you need that key back.
|
nta. tell her she can return the key and find another place to store her stuff, so she won't need to worry about a repeat.
|
nta
don’t you dare apologize.
also, time to get your key back. if she’s not respectful enough to text before she comes over, she’s not trustworthy enough to have a key.
|
nta—it’s very strange how she keeps talking about it. most people would be so embarrassed and would never want to talk about it again.
|
nta.
she seems to think that having a key means she can let herself in unannounced whenever she wants.
take back your house key.
|
what weirdo walks around their own house naked? wtf kind of question is that. it's your house. the fact that people freak out over stupid crap like that simply boggles my mind.
nta - i'm glad your so has your back on this.
|
nta you could have been procreating in the kitchen and she walks in and it’s still her fault. she should have notified she was coming over
|
she’s the only person who should be apologizing in this situation and it might be time for her to hand the key back over if she’s gonna keep this up. nta
|
nta. take back the key. take back your sanity. sil can move her crap elsewhere
|
nta
walk into someone's house unannounced and this is what you get. not sure why your sil is trying to make this more than what it is- a funny accident.
i would tell her if she doesn't drop it then you will no longer let her store things. no one needs this aggravation
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sil (29f) has keys to our place temporarily because she’s using our garage to store her equipment to work on some projects as a side job. she only comes over on mondays and wednesdays. sometimes she needs something form inside the house or to use the bathroom so that’s why she has it. she caught us by surprise when she showed up at the house with zero warning. usually we at least get a text. my wife (28f) and i (28 m) had the day off yesterday so we decided to take full advantage right now that these days are her peak window time and we’re trying to have a kid…. a while later my wife asked to make her a snack so i went downstairs fully in the nude because we were gonna eat in bed anyways. she barely had gotten there a few minutes ago. before anyone asks why we didn’t hear the garage opening, it’s because we were obviously occupied at the time 😅 it was awkward. i covered myself then she went back to the garage. then i went back upstairs to put something on, wife and i confronted her downstairs. she starts yelling at me why the heck am i walking around naked and i said it’s because this is my house. she didn’t even tell us she was coming over. sil was acting like it’s my fault, then she gives me attitude with “well aren’t you gonna apologize.” but i’m not gonna apologize for her coming into my house without warning, it’s her own fault she came in on a day my wife and i happened to be getting busy with eachother. my wife fully has my back on this because she even told her sister to stop being a drama queen. now she won’t drop it though. she’s still getting pissed at me because “what weirdo walks around naked”, how was she supposed to know we would be doing that (countered that with saying she should’ve called then). also that i can’t even apologize for making her uncomfortable having to see a naked man without her consent. this whole thing is being blown out of proportion, at least to us. so just want a sanity check here and ask if i’m ta after all or did we just step in the twilight zone?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sil (29f) has keys to our place temporarily because she’s using our garage to store her equipment to work on some projects as a side job. she only comes over on mondays and wednesdays. sometimes she needs something form inside the house or to use the bathroom so that’s why she has it. she caught us by surprise when she showed up at the house with zero warning. usually we at least get a text. my wife (28f) and i (28 m) had the day off yesterday so we decided to take full advantage right now that these days are her peak window time and we’re trying to have a kid…. a while later my wife asked to make her a snack so i went downstairs fully in the nude because we were gonna eat in bed anyways. she barely had gotten there a few minutes ago. before anyone asks why we didn’t hear the garage opening, it’s because we were obviously occupied at the time 😅 it was awkward. i covered myself then she went back to the garage. then i went back upstairs to put something on, wife and i confronted her downstairs. she starts yelling at me why the heck am i walking around naked and i said it’s because this is my house. she didn’t even tell us she was coming over. sil was acting like it’s my fault, then she gives me attitude with “well aren’t you gonna apologize.” but i’m not gonna apologize for her coming into my house without warning, it’s her own fault she came in on a day my wife and i happened to be getting busy with eachother. my wife fully has my back on this because she even told her sister to stop being a drama queen. now she won’t drop it though. she’s still getting pissed at me because “what weirdo walks around naked”, how was she supposed to know we would be doing that (countered that with saying she should’ve called then). also that i can’t even apologize for making her uncomfortable having to see a naked man without her consent. this whole thing is being blown out of proportion, at least to us. so just want a sanity check here and ask if i’m ta after all or did we just step in the twilight zone? [/INST] nta. your body is not a shameful or 'bad' thing, it is literally your body. you were in your own home with the expectation that the only other person who would see you was your wife. let your sil know that whilst you do not apologize, you agree that this needs to be prevented in the future and so you need that key back. </s>
|
AITA for telling off my friend for constantly blocking our friend group?
|
throwaway account because i don't want any of our other friends to know this is about us
i (21f) have a friend group where were all really close and have known each other for years. just to paint a picture, our other friends and families jokingly call us a polycule even so you know we're a very tight-knit group.
however, we have one friend who's great when he wants to be - he helped us in many personal situations, we can count on him in emergencies (most of the time) etc but here's the thing: every few months (or weeks even) he will just randomly decide he can't deal with us anymore and he wants to change his whole life and get a new friend group and whatnot. he removes himself from our group chat, tells us not to invite him to events etc then few weeks will pass and he asks to be added back to the gc and gets mad that we didn't invite him to whatever group hangs we organised in that time.
everyone just accepts it as his quirk but it never sat right with me and few weeks ago when he did it again i snapped and told him off for treating us like this. i feel like i was being fair but that made him really mad and he even called me an 'alien' which was really hurtful (i am an immigrant). everyone thinks he went too far and should apologise but he just blocked us and didn't say anything, as usual.
however, recently he messaged our mutual friend asking to be added to the gc again and said that i shouldn't have attacked him first.
reddit, aita for saying something? should i just accept that as my friends quirk like everyone else does? he is a bit odd but apart from this, it's usually in a funny way.
| 228 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p2sdid/aita_for_telling_off_my_friend_for_constantly/
|
2021-08-12 04:15:30
|
nta. this is just shitty, especially him calling you that when you addressed it. he’s not your friend if he only wants to be included and on talking terms when he gets bored again.
|
nta. he’s not a good friend. don’t add him back to the group.
|
[deleted]
|
nta- he’s the one who said “wants a new friend group” like is your group not good for him? like just imagine if someone says “i don’t wanna be friends with you” and then comes back and says “can we be friends again” over and over. it’s the same thing but with group. he has no rights to be mad at your group and the audacity that he thinks that he can just go and come back. just cuz that’s his quirk, he should change it cuz the group doesn’t like it and anyone would be. and calling you “alien”?? that’s out of the line and he should apologize to you. he’s big ah
|
nta
it would be perfectly okay if he said he needed space for a while and wanted to be on his own. but saying he wants to get a new friend group every time he leaves is manipulative--does he expect you all to beg him come back?
and after that comment, he didn't even apologize and just expects to come back? i honestly think it's time for your friend group to say enough is enough.
|
nta
he sounds like someone who gets bored of your group of friends, or gets it into his head that he’s better than you and tells himself he deserves better, cuts you off and then after being unable to find people better (or who can tolerate him, more likely) he’s bored and sick of being alone so he asks to be allowed back in. rinse and repeat.
your friends are probably okay with it because they don’t care enough about how he’s disrespecting all of you or think the fight isn’t worth the effort - just a guess.
from experience i’m saying that if it’s not addressed, after enabling that behaviour for so long, it won’t just be a “weird quirk” and then it’ll cause bigger rifts in the future.
|
info: why does he leave regularly? what did you say to him?
it either feels like nta or esh.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account because i don't want any of our other friends to know this is about us i (21f) have a friend group where were all really close and have known each other for years. just to paint a picture, our other friends and families jokingly call us a polycule even so you know we're a very tight-knit group. however, we have one friend who's great when he wants to be - he helped us in many personal situations, we can count on him in emergencies (most of the time) etc but here's the thing: every few months (or weeks even) he will just randomly decide he can't deal with us anymore and he wants to change his whole life and get a new friend group and whatnot. he removes himself from our group chat, tells us not to invite him to events etc then few weeks will pass and he asks to be added back to the gc and gets mad that we didn't invite him to whatever group hangs we organised in that time. everyone just accepts it as his quirk but it never sat right with me and few weeks ago when he did it again i snapped and told him off for treating us like this. i feel like i was being fair but that made him really mad and he even called me an 'alien' which was really hurtful (i am an immigrant). everyone thinks he went too far and should apologise but he just blocked us and didn't say anything, as usual. however, recently he messaged our mutual friend asking to be added to the gc again and said that i shouldn't have attacked him first. reddit, aita for saying something? should i just accept that as my friends quirk like everyone else does? he is a bit odd but apart from this, it's usually in a funny way.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account because i don't want any of our other friends to know this is about us i (21f) have a friend group where were all really close and have known each other for years. just to paint a picture, our other friends and families jokingly call us a polycule even so you know we're a very tight-knit group. however, we have one friend who's great when he wants to be - he helped us in many personal situations, we can count on him in emergencies (most of the time) etc but here's the thing: every few months (or weeks even) he will just randomly decide he can't deal with us anymore and he wants to change his whole life and get a new friend group and whatnot. he removes himself from our group chat, tells us not to invite him to events etc then few weeks will pass and he asks to be added back to the gc and gets mad that we didn't invite him to whatever group hangs we organised in that time. everyone just accepts it as his quirk but it never sat right with me and few weeks ago when he did it again i snapped and told him off for treating us like this. i feel like i was being fair but that made him really mad and he even called me an 'alien' which was really hurtful (i am an immigrant). everyone thinks he went too far and should apologise but he just blocked us and didn't say anything, as usual. however, recently he messaged our mutual friend asking to be added to the gc again and said that i shouldn't have attacked him first. reddit, aita for saying something? should i just accept that as my friends quirk like everyone else does? he is a bit odd but apart from this, it's usually in a funny way. [/INST] nta. this is just shitty, especially him calling you that when you addressed it. he’s not your friend if he only wants to be included and on talking terms when he gets bored again. </s>
|
AITA for reminding dad his business went bankrupt?
|
my dad used to run his own business when i was growing up. it went bankrupt when i was 17. my dad was a terrible manager who wanted to look rich rather than run a profitable operation. we had to sell our house. my sister had to switch schools. it was really difficult for a while.
i started my own business a few years ago. it has been doing okay. we are profitable, cash flow positive and have viable avenues to invest our cashflow. i have a few senior \]management positions to fill.
he has been pushing me to hire one of his old friends. the guy looks good on paper but i talked to a few people employees who worked under him. the verdict is that he is brilliant but he is arrogant, very critical and some of the women who worked under him said harsher on the woman working under him and they had to work really hard to earn his respect. i really don't want to hire him. i instead went with someone with less experience but glowing review from subordinates.
my dad found out that i had hired someone else and he went on rant. he called me names, told me that i was making a huge mistake and i needed someone experienced to manage the business. it really pissed me off and i reminded him that his business went bankrupt and i really didn't need his advice.
my dad is really hurt. his business failing is a very sore spot for him. he feels a lot of guilt about it and not being able to provide for his family. my mom thinks i am rude and i just have let him rant and i should have just ignored it. i think i should have done that instead of snapping at him and hitting a sore spot.
| 4,311 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q5t1ua/aita_for_reminding_dad_his_business_went_bankrupt/
|
2021-10-11 10:37:23
|
nta- the way your dad responded and the person he recommended makes me think i can see part of why his business went under.
it would be a jerk move to bring it up apropos of nothing or in the context of a different disagreement, but he is specifically ranting about *your* business decision. he shouldn’t invite comparison if it’ll make him look bad.
|
nta. your father went straight to name calling and criticism because you wouldn't run your business his way. it could have been harsh to hear, but it sounds like running a business his way won't suit you, and furthermore you might not need the input.
|
nta. *the verdict is that he is brilliant but he is arrogant, very critical and some of the women who worked under him said harsher on the woman working under him.* you had a good reason not to hire the man your dad wanted and who you employ comes back to you, not your dad. this friend of your dad's sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen
|
nta. you took your father's advice into consideration about hiring his friend but it turned out not to be the correct move for you. and so what if it's a sore spot for your dad? he needs fo accept it and move on. it's a learning opportunity and if he tried again after learning from his mistakes he could turn it around. he could also see what you're doing and ask for your advice on things to improve himself as well. life is just trial and error, he just hit a bump.
|
"my dad is really hurt."
good. the truth is that him going off on a rant and calling you names because you chose not to hire one of his mates would have been unacceptable behaviour in any event. if he had an ounce of self-awareness, he'd know to keep his mouth shut when the only business experience he has is how to run one to bankruptcy.
nta.
|
nta you listened and did some digging and found out the guy wasn’t someone you wanted working at your company and he should’ve respected that.
|
nta. it's your business, not your father's. he cannot tell you how to run your business... he might give you some help, but, in the end, you're the boss. contrary to your mother's opinion, ignoring your father is rude. giving him feedback on his management abilities might be harsh, but respect in only given if reciprocated. good on you for hiring good managers!!
|
nta
even if the commentar was out of spite and frustration. he went bankrupt, he uprootet your life in a 180° way.
and yes he can offer advise, but you have no obligation to heed it. and to mix his old buddy in, reek for problems later down the road.
|
nta, and also good on you for talking to previous subordinates before hiring managers, that sounds like a great business practice.
|
he called you names and acted uncivil. you responded with ***relevant*** reasons why you wouldn't do what he wanted with your business. his business failing is completely relevant to not taking his advice.
nta
if he seriously didn't want to be shut down like a child then he shouldn't have acted like a child.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my dad used to run his own business when i was growing up. it went bankrupt when i was 17. my dad was a terrible manager who wanted to look rich rather than run a profitable operation. we had to sell our house. my sister had to switch schools. it was really difficult for a while. i started my own business a few years ago. it has been doing okay. we are profitable, cash flow positive and have viable avenues to invest our cashflow. i have a few senior \]management positions to fill. he has been pushing me to hire one of his old friends. the guy looks good on paper but i talked to a few people employees who worked under him. the verdict is that he is brilliant but he is arrogant, very critical and some of the women who worked under him said harsher on the woman working under him and they had to work really hard to earn his respect. i really don't want to hire him. i instead went with someone with less experience but glowing review from subordinates. my dad found out that i had hired someone else and he went on rant. he called me names, told me that i was making a huge mistake and i needed someone experienced to manage the business. it really pissed me off and i reminded him that his business went bankrupt and i really didn't need his advice. my dad is really hurt. his business failing is a very sore spot for him. he feels a lot of guilt about it and not being able to provide for his family. my mom thinks i am rude and i just have let him rant and i should have just ignored it. i think i should have done that instead of snapping at him and hitting a sore spot.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my dad used to run his own business when i was growing up. it went bankrupt when i was 17. my dad was a terrible manager who wanted to look rich rather than run a profitable operation. we had to sell our house. my sister had to switch schools. it was really difficult for a while. i started my own business a few years ago. it has been doing okay. we are profitable, cash flow positive and have viable avenues to invest our cashflow. i have a few senior \]management positions to fill. he has been pushing me to hire one of his old friends. the guy looks good on paper but i talked to a few people employees who worked under him. the verdict is that he is brilliant but he is arrogant, very critical and some of the women who worked under him said harsher on the woman working under him and they had to work really hard to earn his respect. i really don't want to hire him. i instead went with someone with less experience but glowing review from subordinates. my dad found out that i had hired someone else and he went on rant. he called me names, told me that i was making a huge mistake and i needed someone experienced to manage the business. it really pissed me off and i reminded him that his business went bankrupt and i really didn't need his advice. my dad is really hurt. his business failing is a very sore spot for him. he feels a lot of guilt about it and not being able to provide for his family. my mom thinks i am rude and i just have let him rant and i should have just ignored it. i think i should have done that instead of snapping at him and hitting a sore spot. [/INST] nta- the way your dad responded and the person he recommended makes me think i can see part of why his business went under. it would be a jerk move to bring it up apropos of nothing or in the context of a different disagreement, but he is specifically ranting about *your* business decision. he shouldn’t invite comparison if it’ll make him look bad. </s>
|
AITA For not Renting my house?
|
i had a grandparent pass away recently and have inherited their house. as it’s a 1.5hr drive away and in need of renovating i am selling it.
recently i had a call from someone who used to be a pa for my grandparent. she would sit and chat with them and was supposed to make them meals (this didn’t always happen but we forgave her as my grandpa liked her). she wanted to tell me about an “amazing opportunity”. basically she wants to rent out the house for £400 per month until she has paid the worth of the house that she estimated at 100k. she gave me a huge sob story of how her current house is so small, so dangerous, so depressing and making her children miserable.
i listened patiently but explained this wasn’t something i would be able to do. the house itself needs extensive work to modernise it to be able to rent it (and be safe), the value of the house is closer to 200k and i don’t want to rent it.
she kept on trying to convince me for several more minutes, trying to convince me her husband can renovate the house (he works in a pub). she was not listening to my interjections, until i said i’m sorry i will not be continuing this conversation and hung up.
background; when she was working for my grandparent she was in a huge fight with her landlord over unpaid rent & damage. her husband made “alterations” that weakened load bearing walls and they were both barely able to hold down a job. she told me all of this thinking she was in the right each time.
i feel sorry for her but i’ve seen the issues people have with bad tennants and falling foul of housing regulations. my partner and i have decent jobs and reputations and can’t afford to fall could of the law/ be stuck in a legal battle if they don’t pay.
since the phone all ive had multiple texts and missed calls, and my estate agent rang to ask if i was renting the house. it seems she was more convincing to them as they said they felt sorry for her and i could consider it, though when i asked if they would rent her a house they back tracked. i’ve made sure everyone is aware of the issue and the house is secure.
but am i am asshole? i could afford to renovate and let her rent from me, but if she defaults then i’d be stuck with two mortgages.
| 234 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tmexac/aita_for_not_renting_my_house/
|
2022-03-24 14:48:09
|
nta.
time to sell the house and move on. this person sounds like a bad bet as a tenant.
|
did not finish reading the whole thing. nta. lmao.. even if we pretend the estimate of the house is true. it is going to take close to 20 years (at 400 per month) to *pay off* the house. so basically she is asking you for an interest free loan of 100k. just no. block this person and move forward in selling the house.
|
nta at all. you've changed the locks, though, right?
|
nta.
do not rent to her. it would be an absolute nightmare from start to finish.
you don't owe her anything. if your grandparents wanted her to have the house, they could have left it to her.
do what's best for you and rest easy. might want to also change your phone number, lol.
|
nta.
she’s using pressure tactics on you in the hopes that you’ll consider renting to her. from your description, she was late with rent to a previous landlord. there was also damage to the other property. those are warning signs to not consider this.
|
nta, and what a jerk this woman is. "can you take all the financial liability for this house while i pay the minimum and ultimately won the place and get all the benefit? also i've proven myself an unreliable tenant."
|
i had a friend suggest the same. that ill move out of the master bedroom and rent it and another for cheap to them and theyd live with me. it was the stupidest thing id ever heard. they suggested the rent would be fixed but its a penthouse condo with high ceilings 2 bath and a main room larger than the three bedrooms combined and a wrap around the building balcony. yeah ill give them my parking space free too. dumb as rocks.
|
nta. your house your choice.
|
nta- being a landlord is a huge responsibility.
it’s not a good idea to rent to someone who has a history of not paying. and it’s not a good idea to let her husband do shotty work on your house.
this is your house now. you can do whatever you want with it. don’t let this women steal this out from under you.
her crappy housing situation is not your problem
|
nta. change the locks, maybe get a camera, too.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i had a grandparent pass away recently and have inherited their house. as it’s a 1.5hr drive away and in need of renovating i am selling it. recently i had a call from someone who used to be a pa for my grandparent. she would sit and chat with them and was supposed to make them meals (this didn’t always happen but we forgave her as my grandpa liked her). she wanted to tell me about an “amazing opportunity”. basically she wants to rent out the house for £400 per month until she has paid the worth of the house that she estimated at 100k. she gave me a huge sob story of how her current house is so small, so dangerous, so depressing and making her children miserable. i listened patiently but explained this wasn’t something i would be able to do. the house itself needs extensive work to modernise it to be able to rent it (and be safe), the value of the house is closer to 200k and i don’t want to rent it. she kept on trying to convince me for several more minutes, trying to convince me her husband can renovate the house (he works in a pub). she was not listening to my interjections, until i said i’m sorry i will not be continuing this conversation and hung up. background; when she was working for my grandparent she was in a huge fight with her landlord over unpaid rent & damage. her husband made “alterations” that weakened load bearing walls and they were both barely able to hold down a job. she told me all of this thinking she was in the right each time. i feel sorry for her but i’ve seen the issues people have with bad tennants and falling foul of housing regulations. my partner and i have decent jobs and reputations and can’t afford to fall could of the law/ be stuck in a legal battle if they don’t pay. since the phone all ive had multiple texts and missed calls, and my estate agent rang to ask if i was renting the house. it seems she was more convincing to them as they said they felt sorry for her and i could consider it, though when i asked if they would rent her a house they back tracked. i’ve made sure everyone is aware of the issue and the house is secure. but am i am asshole? i could afford to renovate and let her rent from me, but if she defaults then i’d be stuck with two mortgages.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i had a grandparent pass away recently and have inherited their house. as it’s a 1.5hr drive away and in need of renovating i am selling it. recently i had a call from someone who used to be a pa for my grandparent. she would sit and chat with them and was supposed to make them meals (this didn’t always happen but we forgave her as my grandpa liked her). she wanted to tell me about an “amazing opportunity”. basically she wants to rent out the house for £400 per month until she has paid the worth of the house that she estimated at 100k. she gave me a huge sob story of how her current house is so small, so dangerous, so depressing and making her children miserable. i listened patiently but explained this wasn’t something i would be able to do. the house itself needs extensive work to modernise it to be able to rent it (and be safe), the value of the house is closer to 200k and i don’t want to rent it. she kept on trying to convince me for several more minutes, trying to convince me her husband can renovate the house (he works in a pub). she was not listening to my interjections, until i said i’m sorry i will not be continuing this conversation and hung up. background; when she was working for my grandparent she was in a huge fight with her landlord over unpaid rent & damage. her husband made “alterations” that weakened load bearing walls and they were both barely able to hold down a job. she told me all of this thinking she was in the right each time. i feel sorry for her but i’ve seen the issues people have with bad tennants and falling foul of housing regulations. my partner and i have decent jobs and reputations and can’t afford to fall could of the law/ be stuck in a legal battle if they don’t pay. since the phone all ive had multiple texts and missed calls, and my estate agent rang to ask if i was renting the house. it seems she was more convincing to them as they said they felt sorry for her and i could consider it, though when i asked if they would rent her a house they back tracked. i’ve made sure everyone is aware of the issue and the house is secure. but am i am asshole? i could afford to renovate and let her rent from me, but if she defaults then i’d be stuck with two mortgages. [/INST] nta. time to sell the house and move on. this person sounds like a bad bet as a tenant. </s>
|
AITA for taking a shower immediately after I cleaned it?
|
i’ve been staying with my mother and sister the past couple weeks due to some emergency repairs needed at my place (had to evacuate temporarily). they’ve been asking me to help with chores, no problem.
yesterday my sister asked if i could take care of the bathroom that day, i agreed and deep cleaned the entire bathroom. after i finished i felt kind of nasty so i took a shower.
a few minutes after i got out of the shower my sister came in and got mad because i should have taken a shower before cleaning the shower. i told her there was no point, somebody was going to use the shower sooner or later anyway. she threw a hissy fit and demanded i go and clean the shower again, to which i refused and told her to go clean it herself if she wanted to be that ocd. she stormed off to clean the shower.
at breakfast this morning my mom asked why i made my sister clean the shower when it was my turn to clean the bathroom. i told her the story but my mom basically called me an asshole and sided with my sister.
so aita?
| 513 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ju7wgp/aita_for_taking_a_shower_immediately_after_i/
|
2020-11-14 19:43:00
|
nta. what use is it to clean a shower if you're not allowed to use it afterwards? i'd say the person doing the cleaning has dibs on the first shower.
|
nta.
and if you ever do dishes, tell your sister she can't use them because they've just been cleaned.
|
nta
confession: i always shower after i clean a shower. i had no idea this might be controversial.
|
nta, but that is not ocd.
|
nta. your sister is weird as fuck.
|
bro what? how “dirty” could the shower have been? what did she want you to wipe all of the water down again?
|
nta for that but yta for using "ocd" as an insult
|
nta what a bunch of weirdos
|
nta. seriously who doesn't shower afterwards? you probably got wet doing it, and you feel gross and maybe bleachy. i usually clean the shower while i'm in the shower.
|
nta. your family is weird.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve been staying with my mother and sister the past couple weeks due to some emergency repairs needed at my place (had to evacuate temporarily). they’ve been asking me to help with chores, no problem. yesterday my sister asked if i could take care of the bathroom that day, i agreed and deep cleaned the entire bathroom. after i finished i felt kind of nasty so i took a shower. a few minutes after i got out of the shower my sister came in and got mad because i should have taken a shower before cleaning the shower. i told her there was no point, somebody was going to use the shower sooner or later anyway. she threw a hissy fit and demanded i go and clean the shower again, to which i refused and told her to go clean it herself if she wanted to be that ocd. she stormed off to clean the shower. at breakfast this morning my mom asked why i made my sister clean the shower when it was my turn to clean the bathroom. i told her the story but my mom basically called me an asshole and sided with my sister. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve been staying with my mother and sister the past couple weeks due to some emergency repairs needed at my place (had to evacuate temporarily). they’ve been asking me to help with chores, no problem. yesterday my sister asked if i could take care of the bathroom that day, i agreed and deep cleaned the entire bathroom. after i finished i felt kind of nasty so i took a shower. a few minutes after i got out of the shower my sister came in and got mad because i should have taken a shower before cleaning the shower. i told her there was no point, somebody was going to use the shower sooner or later anyway. she threw a hissy fit and demanded i go and clean the shower again, to which i refused and told her to go clean it herself if she wanted to be that ocd. she stormed off to clean the shower. at breakfast this morning my mom asked why i made my sister clean the shower when it was my turn to clean the bathroom. i told her the story but my mom basically called me an asshole and sided with my sister. so aita? [/INST] nta. what use is it to clean a shower if you're not allowed to use it afterwards? i'd say the person doing the cleaning has dibs on the first shower. </s>
|
AITA for telling my sister she’s getting what she deserves?
|
my (24f) sister (32f) has a 16 year old son. she also has an 11 year old girl. my sister is married to 11f’s dad.
my sister got pregnant as a teenager by a guy who moved away. by the time my sister found out she was pregnant, she didn’t know how to contact him. she has made no effort to do so even now despite people encouraging her to.
she says she never liked him and she can’t handle his idiocy. she insists that he was a dumb jock that couldn’t do simple math and probably still is.
i wouldn’t really have cared about her feelings towards the guy but she’s projecting them onto her son, ethan.
ethan is blonde and very athletic-just like his father. my sister has come to me many times saying that she’s terrified he’s a “dumb jock” or a “typical blonde” just like his birth father. to make matters worse, ethan has adhd which, because it’s hereditary, was probably inherited by his father considering no one in our family has it.
anyways, ethan‘s friend, ashley, posted a tiktok the other day and ethan was in the background. many people asked about him and so ashley posted a tiktok of him. it was cute and ethan was okay with it.
my sister found out about it and freaked. if it was because she was scared of potential creeps i’d understand but no, she was mad because she was afraid that all the comments would get to his head and his brain would be emptier than it already is. these were her exact words.
well ethan overheard and yelled at his mom asking her why she keeps implying that he’s stupid. she brought up a time last year when he almost failed his math class and when i tried telling her that he has adhd and learning online wasn’t ideal for him, she told me to stfu.
ethan eventually stormed off and told her that he hates her and that he’s going to look for his dad and leave her forever.
my sister broke down and tried coming to me for comfort but i brushed her off. i called her crazy for thinking that she deserves any comfort. she said that she’s his mother and only wants the best for him-tough love and all that shit. i told her to fuck all the way off and that’s she’s getting exactly what she deserves.
she called me a bitch and said i have no right and i don’t understand because i’m not a mother. she called our parents right then and there who told me to apologize (we’re literally adults but whatever).
i don’t think i’m the ah for obvious reasons but she and my parents think i should’ve comforted her instead of adding more salt. they called me rude and insensitive and said i’m not making things better.
| 3,447 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u5tiym/aita_for_telling_my_sister_shes_getting_what_she/
|
2022-04-17 18:52:02
|
nta. she's a bad mother and deserves to be called out for it. i hope ethan is able to find his dad and that they're able to build a relationship both of them were deprived of by your selfish sister.
|
wait, so your sister can be downright cruel and insensitive to her child but her sibling isn't allowed to be "rude and insensitive" on his behalf? which, frankly, i wouldn't call you not comforting her rude or insensitive you're being honest (plus, why is "tough love" okay for her child but not for her?).
nta
|
nta your poor nephew. is there anywhere else he could stay that would give him a supportive atmosphere?
|
nta. your poor nephew. he doesn't deserve to be treated like that. i hope you can help him, he is an innocent in all of this. your sis is ta.
|
nta
if she'd stop abusing him by constantly undermining his intelligence and holding his dads existence against him maybe he would actually like her. but that would take her being a good parent.
|
nta.
she literally insults her own son, hearing that from your own biological parent must've hurt this poor kid very much. standing up for him or at least showing that you don't agree with what she is doing is -in my opinion- the right thing to do. people like you are what we need
|
absolutely nta. i’m not a parent either, but i was a child once. so were you. as far as child raising goes i would follow the mantra “the axe will forget but the tree always remembers.” words do hurt. children can pick up on projection and will carry it with them the rest of their lives if they don’t get help later on. and at some point your nephew will up and leave your sister, never to talk to her again, and she’ll sit there, wondering why. i hope you’re in a position to love and support your nephew because it sounds like he’s gonna need it.
|
nta: classic victim mentality. calls her child stupid every chance she gets and then cries when the child says they hate her and never wants to see her again. it’s so idiotic it’s laughable.
|
nta. great job sticking up for your nephew! if anyone is dumb here, the 16 year old who cameos in tiktoks is way further down the list then the 30+ year old woman who belittles her children over her choice in mate, still runs to mommy and daddy to win her battles, and then throws tantrums
|
nta parents like to think they can treat their kids like crap and it won't matter. i didn't see or speak to my father for the last 20 years of his life. kids grow up, they realize their parents were ah's, and respond accordingly.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (24f) sister (32f) has a 16 year old son. she also has an 11 year old girl. my sister is married to 11f’s dad. my sister got pregnant as a teenager by a guy who moved away. by the time my sister found out she was pregnant, she didn’t know how to contact him. she has made no effort to do so even now despite people encouraging her to. she says she never liked him and she can’t handle his idiocy. she insists that he was a dumb jock that couldn’t do simple math and probably still is. i wouldn’t really have cared about her feelings towards the guy but she’s projecting them onto her son, ethan. ethan is blonde and very athletic-just like his father. my sister has come to me many times saying that she’s terrified he’s a “dumb jock” or a “typical blonde” just like his birth father. to make matters worse, ethan has adhd which, because it’s hereditary, was probably inherited by his father considering no one in our family has it. anyways, ethan‘s friend, ashley, posted a tiktok the other day and ethan was in the background. many people asked about him and so ashley posted a tiktok of him. it was cute and ethan was okay with it. my sister found out about it and freaked. if it was because she was scared of potential creeps i’d understand but no, she was mad because she was afraid that all the comments would get to his head and his brain would be emptier than it already is. these were her exact words. well ethan overheard and yelled at his mom asking her why she keeps implying that he’s stupid. she brought up a time last year when he almost failed his math class and when i tried telling her that he has adhd and learning online wasn’t ideal for him, she told me to stfu. ethan eventually stormed off and told her that he hates her and that he’s going to look for his dad and leave her forever. my sister broke down and tried coming to me for comfort but i brushed her off. i called her crazy for thinking that she deserves any comfort. she said that she’s his mother and only wants the best for him-tough love and all that shit. i told her to fuck all the way off and that’s she’s getting exactly what she deserves. she called me a bitch and said i have no right and i don’t understand because i’m not a mother. she called our parents right then and there who told me to apologize (we’re literally adults but whatever). i don’t think i’m the ah for obvious reasons but she and my parents think i should’ve comforted her instead of adding more salt. they called me rude and insensitive and said i’m not making things better.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (24f) sister (32f) has a 16 year old son. she also has an 11 year old girl. my sister is married to 11f’s dad. my sister got pregnant as a teenager by a guy who moved away. by the time my sister found out she was pregnant, she didn’t know how to contact him. she has made no effort to do so even now despite people encouraging her to. she says she never liked him and she can’t handle his idiocy. she insists that he was a dumb jock that couldn’t do simple math and probably still is. i wouldn’t really have cared about her feelings towards the guy but she’s projecting them onto her son, ethan. ethan is blonde and very athletic-just like his father. my sister has come to me many times saying that she’s terrified he’s a “dumb jock” or a “typical blonde” just like his birth father. to make matters worse, ethan has adhd which, because it’s hereditary, was probably inherited by his father considering no one in our family has it. anyways, ethan‘s friend, ashley, posted a tiktok the other day and ethan was in the background. many people asked about him and so ashley posted a tiktok of him. it was cute and ethan was okay with it. my sister found out about it and freaked. if it was because she was scared of potential creeps i’d understand but no, she was mad because she was afraid that all the comments would get to his head and his brain would be emptier than it already is. these were her exact words. well ethan overheard and yelled at his mom asking her why she keeps implying that he’s stupid. she brought up a time last year when he almost failed his math class and when i tried telling her that he has adhd and learning online wasn’t ideal for him, she told me to stfu. ethan eventually stormed off and told her that he hates her and that he’s going to look for his dad and leave her forever. my sister broke down and tried coming to me for comfort but i brushed her off. i called her crazy for thinking that she deserves any comfort. she said that she’s his mother and only wants the best for him-tough love and all that shit. i told her to fuck all the way off and that’s she’s getting exactly what she deserves. she called me a bitch and said i have no right and i don’t understand because i’m not a mother. she called our parents right then and there who told me to apologize (we’re literally adults but whatever). i don’t think i’m the ah for obvious reasons but she and my parents think i should’ve comforted her instead of adding more salt. they called me rude and insensitive and said i’m not making things better. [/INST] nta. she's a bad mother and deserves to be called out for it. i hope ethan is able to find his dad and that they're able to build a relationship both of them were deprived of by your selfish sister. </s>
|
AITA? Neighbor damaged her car on my landscaping rocks.
|
i own a property on a narrow street. with a strip of grass between the sidewalk and the curb. everybody parks up on top of the strip and digs out deep tire ruts in my grass, so to keep the street more clear they pull partially up on to my lawn. the resulting tire ruts fill with water, become muddy and breed mosquitoes all summer long. its unsightly and the flies are a major pain in my ass.
so i found some large rocks, large enough to need a hand truck/dolly to move them. but i used these boulders to block off the parking so nobody could park on my lawn. put them right next to the curb line. i purchased new soil, grass seed, mulching hay, fertilizer etc... it took about a month but the ruts are filled in, new grass is growing and it looks 10x better. plus no more insect breeding ground. it looks very much like [this](https://www.xeriscapedesign.com/media/k2/galleries/12/sm-park8.jpg) or [this](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/566b94a0a128e652f030c7fe/1541087544754-5e7c3nuoktdja7vsesqr/ke17zwdgbtoddi8pdm48khusc1wbgij-2ywhf0qswobzw-zppgdn4juwvcje1zvwett5ubsrwt4vqzagtjucotqqxjs3cfndsuuf31e0tvevci83ecu79gz0p-d73zita4aque0vlszfusjxr1wm82ru1y4wb4jwgguemfc78qa/image002.jpg)
my neighbor, who i long suspected was one of the cars damaging my lawn spoke to me one day. she was pissed i had put the rocks there. she says i should have said something to them or warned them.she went to park, presumably as she always did. drove up onto my lawn to get out of the street. she didnt expect the rocks to be there and scratched/dented her front/side of the car. she was pissed and hinted that i should pay for that. she mentioned the previous owner let cars park there and that i should continue the "tradition."
short summary of the convo: i told her its not against city code to put the boulders there. i said my property is not for others to park on. there were years of damage i repaired from all the previous parking. i also refused to pay for body damage from her own careless driving while trying to park where she should have never been in the first place. next time she should pay attention to where she is parking. nor do i care what the previous owners did and im certainly not putting up a sign warning about rocks. she was pissed to say the least. she gives me the evil eye every time she sees me. what gives, aita or not?
| 9,047 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gp8jih/aita_neighbor_damaged_her_car_on_my_landscaping/
|
2020-05-23 17:11:22
|
nta. if she can't see boulders maybe she shouldn't be driving.
|
nta - she drove on your property and damaged it. the only one at fault here is her. you should consider cameras because people like her are super entitled and she may try to remove the rocks.
|
nta, not remotely. it's your property. she should be looking where she is driving/parking, all the time, that is scary she has a license when she doesn't pay attention to where she is directing her car.
heheheheh, maybe agree to pay for the scratch on her car after she pays you for how much the rocks/seed/landscaping cost you because of her literally damaging your property.
|
nta
you cannot possibly be the asshole for how you choose to landscape your garden. not for her bad driving - a big rock is sufficient signage that there is a big rock.
she became the asshole when she started making demands (and she very probably was one already for ruining your grass).
|
nta
tell her to kick rocks.
|
nta at all, she drove into your property and that's entirely due to her not paying attention to where she's driving. you should charge her for damaging your boulder!
|
[deleted]
|
nta. “tradition” aka we deserve to fuck up your lawn because we have been for years
|
nta, your lawn isn't a parking lot and you have every right to legally prevent people from parking on it
|
info i can see this is a different country so i will change this if corrected about laws and such but from the story and picture the part you were calling 'your grass' was between the pavement/sidewalk and the road? if so surely that is public property? putting them along your garden: fine! putting them along the verge, dick move and attempted theft of public property.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i own a property on a narrow street. with a strip of grass between the sidewalk and the curb. everybody parks up on top of the strip and digs out deep tire ruts in my grass, so to keep the street more clear they pull partially up on to my lawn. the resulting tire ruts fill with water, become muddy and breed mosquitoes all summer long. its unsightly and the flies are a major pain in my ass. so i found some large rocks, large enough to need a hand truck/dolly to move them. but i used these boulders to block off the parking so nobody could park on my lawn. put them right next to the curb line. i purchased new soil, grass seed, mulching hay, fertilizer etc... it took about a month but the ruts are filled in, new grass is growing and it looks 10x better. plus no more insect breeding ground. it looks very much like [this](https://www.xeriscapedesign.com/media/k2/galleries/12/sm-park8.jpg) or [this](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/566b94a0a128e652f030c7fe/1541087544754-5e7c3nuoktdja7vsesqr/ke17zwdgbtoddi8pdm48khusc1wbgij-2ywhf0qswobzw-zppgdn4juwvcje1zvwett5ubsrwt4vqzagtjucotqqxjs3cfndsuuf31e0tvevci83ecu79gz0p-d73zita4aque0vlszfusjxr1wm82ru1y4wb4jwgguemfc78qa/image002.jpg) my neighbor, who i long suspected was one of the cars damaging my lawn spoke to me one day. she was pissed i had put the rocks there. she says i should have said something to them or warned them.she went to park, presumably as she always did. drove up onto my lawn to get out of the street. she didnt expect the rocks to be there and scratched/dented her front/side of the car. she was pissed and hinted that i should pay for that. she mentioned the previous owner let cars park there and that i should continue the "tradition." short summary of the convo: i told her its not against city code to put the boulders there. i said my property is not for others to park on. there were years of damage i repaired from all the previous parking. i also refused to pay for body damage from her own careless driving while trying to park where she should have never been in the first place. next time she should pay attention to where she is parking. nor do i care what the previous owners did and im certainly not putting up a sign warning about rocks. she was pissed to say the least. she gives me the evil eye every time she sees me. what gives, aita or not?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i own a property on a narrow street. with a strip of grass between the sidewalk and the curb. everybody parks up on top of the strip and digs out deep tire ruts in my grass, so to keep the street more clear they pull partially up on to my lawn. the resulting tire ruts fill with water, become muddy and breed mosquitoes all summer long. its unsightly and the flies are a major pain in my ass. so i found some large rocks, large enough to need a hand truck/dolly to move them. but i used these boulders to block off the parking so nobody could park on my lawn. put them right next to the curb line. i purchased new soil, grass seed, mulching hay, fertilizer etc... it took about a month but the ruts are filled in, new grass is growing and it looks 10x better. plus no more insect breeding ground. it looks very much like [this](https://www.xeriscapedesign.com/media/k2/galleries/12/sm-park8.jpg) or [this](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/566b94a0a128e652f030c7fe/1541087544754-5e7c3nuoktdja7vsesqr/ke17zwdgbtoddi8pdm48khusc1wbgij-2ywhf0qswobzw-zppgdn4juwvcje1zvwett5ubsrwt4vqzagtjucotqqxjs3cfndsuuf31e0tvevci83ecu79gz0p-d73zita4aque0vlszfusjxr1wm82ru1y4wb4jwgguemfc78qa/image002.jpg) my neighbor, who i long suspected was one of the cars damaging my lawn spoke to me one day. she was pissed i had put the rocks there. she says i should have said something to them or warned them.she went to park, presumably as she always did. drove up onto my lawn to get out of the street. she didnt expect the rocks to be there and scratched/dented her front/side of the car. she was pissed and hinted that i should pay for that. she mentioned the previous owner let cars park there and that i should continue the "tradition." short summary of the convo: i told her its not against city code to put the boulders there. i said my property is not for others to park on. there were years of damage i repaired from all the previous parking. i also refused to pay for body damage from her own careless driving while trying to park where she should have never been in the first place. next time she should pay attention to where she is parking. nor do i care what the previous owners did and im certainly not putting up a sign warning about rocks. she was pissed to say the least. she gives me the evil eye every time she sees me. what gives, aita or not? [/INST] nta. if she can't see boulders maybe she shouldn't be driving. </s>
|
AITA for Going to the ER because my Fiance Broke my Hand During Labor?
|
so i just read a post where a guy was complaining about how his wife squeezed his hand to tight in labor and i thought of my story so i decided to ask it here once and for all.
also it's been 3 years since then and we just adopted our third child.
well i (27m at the time) and my then fiance (28f at the time) were expecting twin girls. she was about 7 1/2 months along when she went into labor while we were visiting her brother. it was in the middle of the night so we just jumped into the car and drove to the hospital as fast as i could. the hospital was about 2 and a half hours away from my bils house. by the time we arrived the doctors said it was too late to have an epidural and the babies were coming now.
while they were coming i let her squeeze my hand, i was just paying attention to my babies and nothing else however, once they were born and taken to the nicu, my bil arrived at the hospital (i had left a message on the way there but he had been sleeping) and asked what happened to my hand. i looked at it and realized that she had squeezed it so tight that it was no completely swollen and gross looking. i couldn't move my fingers. it was my right hand and i'm a lefty so it wasn't as bad as it could've been.
once the adrenaline from my children being born died off a bit my hand starting hurting like hell. at one point my wife was asleep and a nurse came in and her jaw dropped when she saw my hand and said i needed to go get that checked out.
the next day after we had been to the nicu to see the girls multiple times and my fiance was back in the room resting, i decided to go to the er part of the hospital and get an x-ray, i told my wife where i was going but she got defensive and acted like i was accusing her of something. i also didn't leave her alone, her mother and father were with her and said that i needed to go get checked out.
well it was definitely broken and i got a brace on it. all the doctors thought it was hysterical when they found out what happened. i went back and my wife was pissed. i kinda still feel like an ass for leaving her but she got over it pretty quick so i'm not sure. aita?
&#x200b;
| 7,094 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ic54v0/aita_for_going_to_the_er_because_my_fiance_broke/
|
2020-08-18 17:11:47
|
nta - your **hand was broken**
|
nta. what were you going to do, not get medical attention for a fracture in a timely way?
|
[deleted]
|
nah.
you obviously did nothing wrong. you needed medical attention, and got it. but your wife had just given birth to twins, so was not in a state of mind where briefly being irrational makes her an asshole.
|
nah.
she just gave birth naturally to twins and was allowed to be irrational. you supported her as you should and took care of yourself when the opportunity presented itself.
it’s been three years. if this is still bothering you maybe you need to talk about it. but really there was nothing either of you did that was wrong.
|
nta she broke hour hand and then got mad at you for recieving medical attention?
|
nta, a) if that wasn't fixed you could have lost use of your right hand b) you are not the first nor the last man to have his hand broken by his wife from squeezing it. c) contrary to popular belief it actually doesn't take all that much pressure to break bones in the hand.
|
[deleted]
|
nta because a broken hand is one of those things if they don’t fix it within a certain time frame you can lose function in your fingers. it would suck to only have one functioning hand, changing diapers would be a challenge for sure.
|
nta, you needed medical attention and you got it. but give her a break too; her body just went through something big and hormones are all over the place. you will have a good laugh when you tell your kid this story in 20 years.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003383 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i just read a post where a guy was complaining about how his wife squeezed his hand to tight in labor and i thought of my story so i decided to ask it here once and for all. also it's been 3 years since then and we just adopted our third child. well i (27m at the time) and my then fiance (28f at the time) were expecting twin girls. she was about 7 1/2 months along when she went into labor while we were visiting her brother. it was in the middle of the night so we just jumped into the car and drove to the hospital as fast as i could. the hospital was about 2 and a half hours away from my bils house. by the time we arrived the doctors said it was too late to have an epidural and the babies were coming now. while they were coming i let her squeeze my hand, i was just paying attention to my babies and nothing else however, once they were born and taken to the nicu, my bil arrived at the hospital (i had left a message on the way there but he had been sleeping) and asked what happened to my hand. i looked at it and realized that she had squeezed it so tight that it was no completely swollen and gross looking. i couldn't move my fingers. it was my right hand and i'm a lefty so it wasn't as bad as it could've been. once the adrenaline from my children being born died off a bit my hand starting hurting like hell. at one point my wife was asleep and a nurse came in and her jaw dropped when she saw my hand and said i needed to go get that checked out. the next day after we had been to the nicu to see the girls multiple times and my fiance was back in the room resting, i decided to go to the er part of the hospital and get an x-ray, i told my wife where i was going but she got defensive and acted like i was accusing her of something. i also didn't leave her alone, her mother and father were with her and said that i needed to go get checked out. well it was definitely broken and i got a brace on it. all the doctors thought it was hysterical when they found out what happened. i went back and my wife was pissed. i kinda still feel like an ass for leaving her but she got over it pretty quick so i'm not sure. aita? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i just read a post where a guy was complaining about how his wife squeezed his hand to tight in labor and i thought of my story so i decided to ask it here once and for all. also it's been 3 years since then and we just adopted our third child. well i (27m at the time) and my then fiance (28f at the time) were expecting twin girls. she was about 7 1/2 months along when she went into labor while we were visiting her brother. it was in the middle of the night so we just jumped into the car and drove to the hospital as fast as i could. the hospital was about 2 and a half hours away from my bils house. by the time we arrived the doctors said it was too late to have an epidural and the babies were coming now. while they were coming i let her squeeze my hand, i was just paying attention to my babies and nothing else however, once they were born and taken to the nicu, my bil arrived at the hospital (i had left a message on the way there but he had been sleeping) and asked what happened to my hand. i looked at it and realized that she had squeezed it so tight that it was no completely swollen and gross looking. i couldn't move my fingers. it was my right hand and i'm a lefty so it wasn't as bad as it could've been. once the adrenaline from my children being born died off a bit my hand starting hurting like hell. at one point my wife was asleep and a nurse came in and her jaw dropped when she saw my hand and said i needed to go get that checked out. the next day after we had been to the nicu to see the girls multiple times and my fiance was back in the room resting, i decided to go to the er part of the hospital and get an x-ray, i told my wife where i was going but she got defensive and acted like i was accusing her of something. i also didn't leave her alone, her mother and father were with her and said that i needed to go get checked out. well it was definitely broken and i got a brace on it. all the doctors thought it was hysterical when they found out what happened. i went back and my wife was pissed. i kinda still feel like an ass for leaving her but she got over it pretty quick so i'm not sure. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] nta - your **hand was broken** </s>
|
AITA for saying no to a "regular"
|
so today a man came into the local coffee shop i've been working at and started talking up how yesterday he got a very subpar hot chocolate. he said that it was just brown water with cocoa powder in the bottom, i apologized cordially but he went on to say that he felt this entitled him to a new hot chocolate.
i agreed and rang him up but as i did he stopped me and said:
"wait you want me to pay for it?"
"you want it for free?" i asked
"well yes" he said "yesterday's sucked and i come here all the time."
" i don't think i have the authority to do that unfortunately"
"you have a key to the place don't you?"
"well, yes"
"then i think you have the authority?"
"honestly no, i just don't think i can."
this is where he got mad, he went on a whole rant about customer loyalty and my questionable customer service to the point where i said "ok, just once i'll give it to you ok?"
he huffed.
"then moment's past." he said "but next time, when someone asks you to do this, i highly suggest you do."
the he attempted (and failed) to slam our door and walked out.
i texted my boss immediately after asking if i did the right thing. the first thing he pointed out is that:
&#x200b;
1. we don't make our hot chocolate with water, we use milk.
2. why didn't this man bring it up yesterday?
still he said next time, just give him the drink.
aita for saying no to this guy?
| 613 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cwtrmm/aita_for_saying_no_to_a_regular/
|
2019-08-29 01:01:26
|
nta. if it was a big deal he should of said something about it yesterday. it's like eating all your food and then complaining about it.
|
nta the guy was clearing just trying to get a free drink and it was *yesterday* people don't hold grudges against hot chocolate for that long.
|
this kind of shit happens because “the customer is always right.”
no, you’re not the asshole
|
nta. he was trying to scam you. if he had a problem, he should have taken it up with the shop the day of.
|
"i apologized cordially but he went on to say that he felt this entitled him to a new hot chocolate.
i agreed "
&#x200b;
right here is where you became yta.
if you agree with a customer's complaint and request, you cant just ignore that exchange and try to charge them.
|
esh. (but you only the tiniest amount.)
his conduct was fine at the beginning but became at best argumentative -- and at worst abusive -- later. he is by far the most ah.
the boss should have covered how to handle complaints earlier -- as part of training. that sort of left you hanging.
if you didn't have the authority, you should have told him that (and you sort of did) followed by saying you would contact your boss for approval. note: saying "i don't think" is different than saying "only my boss can authorize that."
|
in this case, yta- loyal customers bring in a lot of money. enough to spot an occasional freebie even if s/he isn't complaining.
i know i'll drive farther and spend more in a place where i feel valued. granted some "regulars" just aren't worth it but that doesn't sound like the case here.
a regular in a coffee shop is worth $500-1000 a year.
|
yta- and i owned a coffee shop. a. i get that it was the day before, but who immediately tastes a hot drink? he probably left with it got to work tasted his junk water cocoa and said “fuck it, i will deal with it tomorrow, nbd i’m go there all the time, i’m sure they won’t question my integrity” was probably taken aback when not offered any sort of accommodation. if some one gets a shitty beverage they should be reimbursed with out question (as long as the customer doesn’t frequently do it) your boss is ta for not properly training you. i’m also curious if the person who made the cocoa was also not trained properly and used water instead of milk.
|
yta sorry. a good customer that never complained before should definitely be accommodated. however, i blame your boss for not training you properly.
|
yta. you treated him like a liar and begrudged him a replacement hot chocolate. one the one hand he’s telling the truth and you’ve now lost a customer and created bad word of mouth for the sake of a hot chocolate. on the other hand maybe he’s just trying to con you out of a hot chocolate. really? just give the dude the hot chocolate and pass on the feedback to the barista who maybe used low fat milk and not enough cocoa.
why assume the worst of someone, and why use your power to humiliate him? i returned a really expensive soap (aesop) when i’d bought 3 bottles for my airbnb and they all cracked on the bottom. i only returned the last bottle cause at first i figured the others had been dropped by the guest. but when the 3rd bottle cracked on the same seam i realised i’d got a faulty batch. that’s about $150 worth of soap that slow leaked all over my bathroom and i had to clean up and throw away.
the woman who handled the return made me feel like i was trying to con them out of free soap. wtf! never buying aesop again, which sucks because i loved the product- but now instead of making me feel all nice smells and good things it makes me feel small and humiliated. that’s what you did to that guy - only much worse because it involved chocolate. you messed with chocolate. chocolate is supposed to make you happy, not humiliated. yep, you’re the arsehole
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.686375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so today a man came into the local coffee shop i've been working at and started talking up how yesterday he got a very subpar hot chocolate. he said that it was just brown water with cocoa powder in the bottom, i apologized cordially but he went on to say that he felt this entitled him to a new hot chocolate. i agreed and rang him up but as i did he stopped me and said: "wait you want me to pay for it?" "you want it for free?" i asked "well yes" he said "yesterday's sucked and i come here all the time." " i don't think i have the authority to do that unfortunately" "you have a key to the place don't you?" "well, yes" "then i think you have the authority?" "honestly no, i just don't think i can." this is where he got mad, he went on a whole rant about customer loyalty and my questionable customer service to the point where i said "ok, just once i'll give it to you ok?" he huffed. "then moment's past." he said "but next time, when someone asks you to do this, i highly suggest you do." the he attempted (and failed) to slam our door and walked out. i texted my boss immediately after asking if i did the right thing. the first thing he pointed out is that: &#x200b; 1. we don't make our hot chocolate with water, we use milk. 2. why didn't this man bring it up yesterday? still he said next time, just give him the drink. aita for saying no to this guy?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so today a man came into the local coffee shop i've been working at and started talking up how yesterday he got a very subpar hot chocolate. he said that it was just brown water with cocoa powder in the bottom, i apologized cordially but he went on to say that he felt this entitled him to a new hot chocolate. i agreed and rang him up but as i did he stopped me and said: "wait you want me to pay for it?" "you want it for free?" i asked "well yes" he said "yesterday's sucked and i come here all the time." " i don't think i have the authority to do that unfortunately" "you have a key to the place don't you?" "well, yes" "then i think you have the authority?" "honestly no, i just don't think i can." this is where he got mad, he went on a whole rant about customer loyalty and my questionable customer service to the point where i said "ok, just once i'll give it to you ok?" he huffed. "then moment's past." he said "but next time, when someone asks you to do this, i highly suggest you do." the he attempted (and failed) to slam our door and walked out. i texted my boss immediately after asking if i did the right thing. the first thing he pointed out is that: &#x200b; 1. we don't make our hot chocolate with water, we use milk. 2. why didn't this man bring it up yesterday? still he said next time, just give him the drink. aita for saying no to this guy? [/INST] nta. if it was a big deal he should of said something about it yesterday. it's like eating all your food and then complaining about it. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to buy/rent my wife a car?
|
i (42m) have been married to my wife (42f) for almost two decades. we have had three marvelous kids. our marriage though, has never been one to get commended nor was perfect in any way, as i expect all relationships to be. after all, neither of us is perfect.
my wife has a full time job, and can afford pretty much all she desires had she listened to my warnings about debts. a few years into our marriage, i took out a great loan which i suffer for till this day, and had warned her numerous times not to walk down that road. she ignored that, of course. regardless, she makes double to amount i do work wise and works shorter hours. i live farther away from home. she is there with the kids instead, though my eldest daughter tends to watch after her younger siblings more. she honestly seems to being doing far more than her actual mother for her two siblings.
fast forward, my wife's car is now worn out after about 9-10 years of use just like my car. i use mine regularly till now though, she on the other hand, stopped using her car and lost her license as well. she has many tickets that accumulated to a large amount nearing 30k. refused to pay them while they were a smaller amount or when the ticket's payment was lowered. she cannot get another car without her license nor rent one. i have my own issues too. i would rent/buy her a car if i could but i genuinely can't afford it though intended to anyways for her sake.
she's been bothering me about it especially for the past week. i was planning on renting her a car for this month to kickstart but she took my card and spent all the money i had saved towards the car for her. when she returned, she started yelling all sorts of rude things that i won't get into. i calmly told her i won't and cannot buy her a car and left. regardless of money, it would lawfully get me in trouble too. i haven't spoken to her for a few days, but she hasn't bothered to reach out either. it's better to let things cool down first, and i'm still hurt.
am i really ta for refusing to buy her a car? because she seems to think i am.
| 273 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pmsded/aita_for_refusing_to_buyrent_my_wife_a_car/
|
2021-09-12 13:07:55
|
nta. she needs to manage becoming a licensed driver again before she worries about getting a car she's not allowed to drive and adding more problems to the mix.
|
nta for not getting her a car.... but definitely yta for your comments regarding who is looking after your children seen as you decided to live elsewhere!
|
yta for knowing your daughter is being parentified and doing absolutely nothing about it. if your wife is this much of a loose cannon she needs therapy, or you may need to take a walk away. don't make your oldest resent you because your wife can't handle money or herself.
|
nta
without a license, she couldn't legally drive a car if she had one.
also, she is straight up stealing from you. divorce might be worth considering.
|
esh, your wife for obvious reasons. you because you were actually planning to rent your wife a car knowing full well that she doesn't have a license. the only reason you didn't is because she took all the money. why did you ever think renting her a car was good idea?
|
i’m confused- you “live farther away from home”? what does that mean? are you separated? she can’t drive without a license so she’s telling you to help her commit a crime by supplying her with a car. she sounds more like a teenager than a woman in her 40’s, i think counseling is in order here. there is some deeper issue with her irresponsible behavior. nta
|
you guys have way bigger problems than a car.
|
nta. she doesnt' have a license, she gets caught driving and the car gets impounded and you end up losing it too. sounds like your wife has a problem with money (understatement). you don't have to enable her.
|
esh. the problem here isn’t the car, it’s that your children are being neglected and possibly abused and you don’t seem to care and aren’t doing anything about it.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
ESH
| null | 0.320187 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (42m) have been married to my wife (42f) for almost two decades. we have had three marvelous kids. our marriage though, has never been one to get commended nor was perfect in any way, as i expect all relationships to be. after all, neither of us is perfect. my wife has a full time job, and can afford pretty much all she desires had she listened to my warnings about debts. a few years into our marriage, i took out a great loan which i suffer for till this day, and had warned her numerous times not to walk down that road. she ignored that, of course. regardless, she makes double to amount i do work wise and works shorter hours. i live farther away from home. she is there with the kids instead, though my eldest daughter tends to watch after her younger siblings more. she honestly seems to being doing far more than her actual mother for her two siblings. fast forward, my wife's car is now worn out after about 9-10 years of use just like my car. i use mine regularly till now though, she on the other hand, stopped using her car and lost her license as well. she has many tickets that accumulated to a large amount nearing 30k. refused to pay them while they were a smaller amount or when the ticket's payment was lowered. she cannot get another car without her license nor rent one. i have my own issues too. i would rent/buy her a car if i could but i genuinely can't afford it though intended to anyways for her sake. she's been bothering me about it especially for the past week. i was planning on renting her a car for this month to kickstart but she took my card and spent all the money i had saved towards the car for her. when she returned, she started yelling all sorts of rude things that i won't get into. i calmly told her i won't and cannot buy her a car and left. regardless of money, it would lawfully get me in trouble too. i haven't spoken to her for a few days, but she hasn't bothered to reach out either. it's better to let things cool down first, and i'm still hurt. am i really ta for refusing to buy her a car? because she seems to think i am.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (42m) have been married to my wife (42f) for almost two decades. we have had three marvelous kids. our marriage though, has never been one to get commended nor was perfect in any way, as i expect all relationships to be. after all, neither of us is perfect. my wife has a full time job, and can afford pretty much all she desires had she listened to my warnings about debts. a few years into our marriage, i took out a great loan which i suffer for till this day, and had warned her numerous times not to walk down that road. she ignored that, of course. regardless, she makes double to amount i do work wise and works shorter hours. i live farther away from home. she is there with the kids instead, though my eldest daughter tends to watch after her younger siblings more. she honestly seems to being doing far more than her actual mother for her two siblings. fast forward, my wife's car is now worn out after about 9-10 years of use just like my car. i use mine regularly till now though, she on the other hand, stopped using her car and lost her license as well. she has many tickets that accumulated to a large amount nearing 30k. refused to pay them while they were a smaller amount or when the ticket's payment was lowered. she cannot get another car without her license nor rent one. i have my own issues too. i would rent/buy her a car if i could but i genuinely can't afford it though intended to anyways for her sake. she's been bothering me about it especially for the past week. i was planning on renting her a car for this month to kickstart but she took my card and spent all the money i had saved towards the car for her. when she returned, she started yelling all sorts of rude things that i won't get into. i calmly told her i won't and cannot buy her a car and left. regardless of money, it would lawfully get me in trouble too. i haven't spoken to her for a few days, but she hasn't bothered to reach out either. it's better to let things cool down first, and i'm still hurt. am i really ta for refusing to buy her a car? because she seems to think i am. [/INST] nta. she needs to manage becoming a licensed driver again before she worries about getting a car she's not allowed to drive and adding more problems to the mix. </s>
|
AITA I ate all my wife’s expensive honey, she wants me to replace it but I think the price is ridiculous and overinflated?
|
this isn’t as serious as the usual on here.
basically, my wife is on a diet and she fucking loves honey. like she’s mad for the stuff. i never liked it and think it’s gross. but...!
recently she’s put me on a diet as i’ve been having a few too many beers and so she makes us this delicious yoghurt/ granola/ strawberry combo. she drizzles a tiny bit of this honey on top and we have it as lunch. i never liked honey but in this dish i love it.
anyway my wife is a total g and i really fancied getting shitting drunk yesterday as the weather has been amazing. she was like cool, no prob. i proceeded to get absolutely drunk and drunk me decided to eat all the fucking honey smothered over fresh bread and butter. never done that before but man, it was delicious.
she saw the empty jar today and was like wtf. that stuff costs £50 for a 1kg jar. i was like what the hell hipster honey is this? i didn’t mean it in a rude way but i laughed at her and told her she got fleeced.
she (lovingly, i might add) told me i was an idiot and that it was locally sourced blah blah from a small family run beekeeping business and that the price includes ongoing conservation of the bees.
she also added i was buying her a new jar. i fully will because i’m not a dickhead, but aita for thinking that this bee business is ridiculously overcharging for some sodding honey??
| 1,282 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bfapbw/aita_i_ate_all_my_wifes_expensive_honey_she_wants/
|
2019-04-20 10:06:06
|
yta - nice honey is expensive.
|
yta if you don't replace it. you ate it, so pay up. and maybe check the price tag next time before you go to town on a whole jar.
|
yta
honey is like wine/cheese/oils/vinegars. there are the cheap mass produced, sometimes not even real stuff. then there are the boutique high end productions.
quality costs.
|
yta if you don't replace it, and while it is okay to think what you like, yta if you endlessly bend your wife's ear about it. leave it be and just move on.
you're just lucky it wasn't manuka honey imported from new zealand. that would be at least three times the price.
|
yta.
most supermarket honey is fake/diluted/not real shit at all. if it's straight up honest to god honey then it's gonna cost more. you want the better product then you gotta pay for it.
besides which my guy, bees are amazing and they work hard for that honey. have a little damn respect for the bumble buddies yeah?
|
yta- save the bees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
yta. i don't eat honey, but bees dying out is a serious and real issue. the way honey is harvested at many bee farms is not helping the issue, making it even worse actually. businesses like that, which harvest honey in a way where the bee populations are not hurt (and even helped in some cases) are imo the only place you should go to buy honey. of course it will be plenty more expensive, because the practices required to do it the "right" way means you won't get as much honey as you would if you were all "eff these bees, i'm selling honey!". so deal with it or don't eat honey at all.
|
yta but it's not a big deal. buy her a new pot and apologize for yo drunk ass.
|
yta winnie the pooh, you better buy her delicious bee syrup back. can't tell if yta for dissing the honey itself, some are expensive for a good reason, some are like bee piss.
|
nah your wife is a lucky lady for having a fella that will rebuy her the honey she wants, even if you did eat it all while drunk (like all of it? an entire kilo?!) - you look after your beyoncé!
just a side note, £50 per kilo is £5 per 100g (#quickmaths) which isn’t all that expensive after all.
enjoy your posh honey when it arrives!
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
NAH
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this isn’t as serious as the usual on here. basically, my wife is on a diet and she fucking loves honey. like she’s mad for the stuff. i never liked it and think it’s gross. but...! recently she’s put me on a diet as i’ve been having a few too many beers and so she makes us this delicious yoghurt/ granola/ strawberry combo. she drizzles a tiny bit of this honey on top and we have it as lunch. i never liked honey but in this dish i love it. anyway my wife is a total g and i really fancied getting shitting drunk yesterday as the weather has been amazing. she was like cool, no prob. i proceeded to get absolutely drunk and drunk me decided to eat all the fucking honey smothered over fresh bread and butter. never done that before but man, it was delicious. she saw the empty jar today and was like wtf. that stuff costs £50 for a 1kg jar. i was like what the hell hipster honey is this? i didn’t mean it in a rude way but i laughed at her and told her she got fleeced. she (lovingly, i might add) told me i was an idiot and that it was locally sourced blah blah from a small family run beekeeping business and that the price includes ongoing conservation of the bees. she also added i was buying her a new jar. i fully will because i’m not a dickhead, but aita for thinking that this bee business is ridiculously overcharging for some sodding honey??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this isn’t as serious as the usual on here. basically, my wife is on a diet and she fucking loves honey. like she’s mad for the stuff. i never liked it and think it’s gross. but...! recently she’s put me on a diet as i’ve been having a few too many beers and so she makes us this delicious yoghurt/ granola/ strawberry combo. she drizzles a tiny bit of this honey on top and we have it as lunch. i never liked honey but in this dish i love it. anyway my wife is a total g and i really fancied getting shitting drunk yesterday as the weather has been amazing. she was like cool, no prob. i proceeded to get absolutely drunk and drunk me decided to eat all the fucking honey smothered over fresh bread and butter. never done that before but man, it was delicious. she saw the empty jar today and was like wtf. that stuff costs £50 for a 1kg jar. i was like what the hell hipster honey is this? i didn’t mean it in a rude way but i laughed at her and told her she got fleeced. she (lovingly, i might add) told me i was an idiot and that it was locally sourced blah blah from a small family run beekeeping business and that the price includes ongoing conservation of the bees. she also added i was buying her a new jar. i fully will because i’m not a dickhead, but aita for thinking that this bee business is ridiculously overcharging for some sodding honey?? [/INST] yta - nice honey is expensive. </s>
|
WIBTA for refuse to drive my BIL to the airport even though I initially agreed to
| 178 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qrcrum/wibta_for_refuse_to_drive_my_bil_to_the_airport/
|
2021-11-11 04:26:07
|
nta
#jfc your health comes first.
> i told my bil that i can’t drive him
no one likes to go back on their word, but your priorities are sound.
> i offered to pay for his uber since it was my fault he didn’t have a ride now.
ehhhhh, that seems way too much from where i stand. you weren't charging him for the ride in the first place, were you?
> he did not like the idea
> bil is very persistent
sounds like a real peach. i'm sure he can figure his shit out himself.
|
ywnbta
your health trumps his convenience
|
nta. you have a very good reason for canceling and have come up with a suitable option for him, including being willing to pay for the suitable option. i hope everything goes well on your medical procedures!
|
nta: everyone else is going to explain why.
but i just need to hear why he's refusing using uber
|
nta - you didn't wait until the last minute leaving him with no other options, you even offered to pay. he's being an asshole for putting his needs over your health, and there *will* be traffic at the airport this thursday because it's veteran's day and people will be traveling over the long weekend - use that as an added reason if you must but no means no - end of story, and don't feel guilty about it either.
|
nta you gave him another option and offered to pay for it. he's just entitled.
|
info: the fuck is wrong with him?
|
nta
he has alternate means of getting to the airport. his choice is to take those alternate means, or to not go to the airport.
|
i was ready to say it was a bit of a ah move bailing, until i read why and so much nta, not only is it an extremely good reason that you can’t but you also offered to pay for his ride meaning the new plan still didn’t cost him any more. do not take him no matter what he’s an ah
eta good luck with the scan
|
nta
you offered to pay for an alternative. if he doesn’t take it that’s on him, your health comes first
eta uber to your appointment it will be safer if you feel woozy or anything after your mri. good luck!
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta #jfc your health comes first. > i told my bil that i can’t drive him no one likes to go back on their word, but your priorities are sound. > i offered to pay for his uber since it was my fault he didn’t have a ride now. ehhhhh, that seems way too much from where i stand. you weren't charging him for the ride in the first place, were you? > he did not like the idea > bil is very persistent sounds like a real peach. i'm sure he can figure his shit out himself. </s>
|
|
AITA for "letting" my nephew's friend eat something that is not vegan?
|
i (25f) help my sister a lot with her kids, she has 2, a 5 y/o son who we will call lucas, and a 3-month-old, hazel. i go to her house every other day to hang out with the kids and also sort of keep an eye on how things go with their nanny, i also step in every time their nanny can't.
now to the issue, a few days ago my nephew brought a friend home, adam. i had no idea he was coming until my sister dropped them both home with me and hazel, but there was no real issue and i just warmed the food my sister had already set up, which were two identical plates with the same food. all was well for a few hours, and i just supervised the kids every 10 or 15 minutes to see that they weren't blowing the house up.
just when it was getting dark, i set the kids up to watch disney+ and lucas asked if he could get snacks; my sister doesn't have any restrictions about snacks and nothing was mention to me about adam, so i just told them to go for it. they watch half of an olaf special, and adam's parents arrived.
just as i quickly grabbed his backpack to walk him to the door, adam quickly asked me if he could please take a couple of chocolates home; i said that of course it was fine, and that he should take as many as he pleases, and so he does, we go to the front door and his parents are there waiting, they pick up adam, and thank me for taking good care of their son, everything goes well. just until this kid shows the hershey bar on his little hand.
saying that both parents went nuclear on me doesn't begin to cover it. both of them began screaming about how disrespectful it was for me to give a vegan child animal products, that i was an awful person, and even accused me of giving him animal products to disrespect them because they are gay. i don't even know how to react because this is all news to me, i try my hardest to explain, but they won't stop yelling, and have even made both kids cry. after yelling some more, both of them left and then my sister came home, she asked what the hell happened, and she agrees to it being my fault. i can't believe everything that happened, since i left my sister's house that night i haven't gone back, she did leave a voicemail but after all that went down i don't want to hear it. i really don't feel like the asshole and if anything, i just feel bad for the kids.
so, aita?
| 5,211 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sfq647/aita_for_letting_my_nephews_friend_eat_something/
|
2022-01-29 19:54:11
|
nta and what on earth is wrong with your sister?! why is she getting annoyed at you and blaming you when she is the one who dropped the ball and didnt tell you the kid was vegan and what not to give him? also whats up with her dropping off another persons child without the heads up?
the parents should apologise to you for their behaviour and making the kids cry. they need to take their upset to your sister. and you should have also said you never actually given a choice to care for their kid he was just dumped on you.
you should point blank refuse to babysit for your sister until she apologises and she explains to the kids parents and actually they apologise yo you.
|
nta. you didn't know. no one told you.
i'm guessing your sister is embarrassed about her forgetting and tried to blame you.
|
nta. if no one told you that the family was vegan, how were you supposed to know? you’re not a mind reader.
|
nta
the parents are ta for going off on you and screaming and also forcing their doetary choices on theor son. newsflash for them. theor son isn't vegan. they are. their son will happily eat animal products given a chance. and making the kids cry? that's horrible! and you hate them because they're gay and that's why you did it? what? how are you even supposed to know that when you had never even met them?
also, your soster is ta for takin their side when she never informed you of any dietary restrictions for your nephew's friend.
but you? nta
|
nta. this was 100% on your sister for not telling you that different rules applied to another child she put in your care. you were gracious enough to care for a child when you hadn’t even agreed to watch. i can’t imagine how you were supposed to intuit that the child was being raised vegan in this scenario.
|
nta “disrespected them because they are gay”?
why the hell does it matter if they are gay or aliens from uranus or straight? their child wanted to eat chocolate and considering the fact that adam didn’t tell you that he’s being raised vegan means that he’s probably sick of not being able to enjoy chocolate and other animal products. poor adam. your sister has a stick up her ass.
|
nta - your sister just doesn't wanna take the blame & adam's parents probably assumed your sister told you about adam's diet.... i bet your sister has given adam non-vegan food before but assumed you would be fine & didn't account for you letting him walk out with something in hand.
i say never offer to babysit again until she apologizes to you
|
>i don't even know how to react because this is all news to me
if you didn't know, nta all day? up to the parents to teach their child to let people know their dietary restrictions and/or not to take food that doesn't conform with that. if you did know then that's another story: it's like giving a muslim kid pork for dinner. big no-no, no matter whether you agree or not.
>she agrees to it being my fault
why does she agree to that? how were you supposed to know? is she vegan herself?
|
nta. you had no idea, and they had no right to claim it was because they were gay or for any such reason. they're in the wrong, not you.
|
nta. you couldn’t have known. if the little boy can’t keep track of what he eats is vegan then maybe he shouldn’t be vegan.
i’m a vegetarian myself but i would never make my child go full vegetarian/vegan. my child would probably eat vegetarian at home but what they would want to eat outside my home is their own choice. i would never restrict anyone else’s food preferences and definitely not a child’s. so don’t worry, you did nothing wrong here.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (25f) help my sister a lot with her kids, she has 2, a 5 y/o son who we will call lucas, and a 3-month-old, hazel. i go to her house every other day to hang out with the kids and also sort of keep an eye on how things go with their nanny, i also step in every time their nanny can't. now to the issue, a few days ago my nephew brought a friend home, adam. i had no idea he was coming until my sister dropped them both home with me and hazel, but there was no real issue and i just warmed the food my sister had already set up, which were two identical plates with the same food. all was well for a few hours, and i just supervised the kids every 10 or 15 minutes to see that they weren't blowing the house up. just when it was getting dark, i set the kids up to watch disney+ and lucas asked if he could get snacks; my sister doesn't have any restrictions about snacks and nothing was mention to me about adam, so i just told them to go for it. they watch half of an olaf special, and adam's parents arrived. just as i quickly grabbed his backpack to walk him to the door, adam quickly asked me if he could please take a couple of chocolates home; i said that of course it was fine, and that he should take as many as he pleases, and so he does, we go to the front door and his parents are there waiting, they pick up adam, and thank me for taking good care of their son, everything goes well. just until this kid shows the hershey bar on his little hand. saying that both parents went nuclear on me doesn't begin to cover it. both of them began screaming about how disrespectful it was for me to give a vegan child animal products, that i was an awful person, and even accused me of giving him animal products to disrespect them because they are gay. i don't even know how to react because this is all news to me, i try my hardest to explain, but they won't stop yelling, and have even made both kids cry. after yelling some more, both of them left and then my sister came home, she asked what the hell happened, and she agrees to it being my fault. i can't believe everything that happened, since i left my sister's house that night i haven't gone back, she did leave a voicemail but after all that went down i don't want to hear it. i really don't feel like the asshole and if anything, i just feel bad for the kids. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (25f) help my sister a lot with her kids, she has 2, a 5 y/o son who we will call lucas, and a 3-month-old, hazel. i go to her house every other day to hang out with the kids and also sort of keep an eye on how things go with their nanny, i also step in every time their nanny can't. now to the issue, a few days ago my nephew brought a friend home, adam. i had no idea he was coming until my sister dropped them both home with me and hazel, but there was no real issue and i just warmed the food my sister had already set up, which were two identical plates with the same food. all was well for a few hours, and i just supervised the kids every 10 or 15 minutes to see that they weren't blowing the house up. just when it was getting dark, i set the kids up to watch disney+ and lucas asked if he could get snacks; my sister doesn't have any restrictions about snacks and nothing was mention to me about adam, so i just told them to go for it. they watch half of an olaf special, and adam's parents arrived. just as i quickly grabbed his backpack to walk him to the door, adam quickly asked me if he could please take a couple of chocolates home; i said that of course it was fine, and that he should take as many as he pleases, and so he does, we go to the front door and his parents are there waiting, they pick up adam, and thank me for taking good care of their son, everything goes well. just until this kid shows the hershey bar on his little hand. saying that both parents went nuclear on me doesn't begin to cover it. both of them began screaming about how disrespectful it was for me to give a vegan child animal products, that i was an awful person, and even accused me of giving him animal products to disrespect them because they are gay. i don't even know how to react because this is all news to me, i try my hardest to explain, but they won't stop yelling, and have even made both kids cry. after yelling some more, both of them left and then my sister came home, she asked what the hell happened, and she agrees to it being my fault. i can't believe everything that happened, since i left my sister's house that night i haven't gone back, she did leave a voicemail but after all that went down i don't want to hear it. i really don't feel like the asshole and if anything, i just feel bad for the kids. so, aita? [/INST] nta and what on earth is wrong with your sister?! why is she getting annoyed at you and blaming you when she is the one who dropped the ball and didnt tell you the kid was vegan and what not to give him? also whats up with her dropping off another persons child without the heads up? the parents should apologise to you for their behaviour and making the kids cry. they need to take their upset to your sister. and you should have also said you never actually given a choice to care for their kid he was just dumped on you. you should point blank refuse to babysit for your sister until she apologises and she explains to the kids parents and actually they apologise yo you. </s>
|
WIBTA if I explain to my best friend that he handled his birthday gift from his girlfriend poorly?
|
my friend (we'll call him jeff) recently celebrated his 20th birthday and i drove 250 miles to see him. before i left his girlfriend (let's call her liz) was asking if the gift she had bought for him, a copy of super mario party for the switch, would be a good gift. i already had a copy of the game so i offered to play using my copy before she presented the gift to him so he would be familiar with the game.
fast forward to his birthday, the first issue arises. i asked if he was interested in joining us playing the game and he was immediately not interested. jeff insisted that it was his birthday so he should get to choose what we play. not wanting to create an argument we conceded and played his choice of smash ultimate. we still had fun it just put a wrench in the original plan.
after we wrap up liz gives his gift to him. second issue. jeff is underwhelmed at receiving it and remarks that it's nice, but not what he was hoping for. since we had wrapped up playing smash jeff asked if we wanted to go to the mall. it's a short drive away and we needed to do a little shopping anyway so we agreed.
i didn't realize until we got to the mall that jeff had brought mario party with him. he was driving and had parked us at the entrance closest to gamestop. as soon as we enter the mall he makes a pretty direct route to gamestop. by this time liz has also realized what is going to happen and she is just barely holding back tears.
he returns the brand new unopened copy of mario party for let's go eevee. we leave gamestop for another store and i go shopping with liz. jeff remained outside with a third friend, monty. while talking to monty, jeff tried to rationalize returning his gift for another game. he claimed he knew liz was interested in eevee and they would never really appreciate mario party.
would i be the asshole if i tried to explain to him that his decision to immediately return his gift in front of his girlfriend who got it for him?
edit tldr: my best friend returned a birthday gift his gf bought him immediately after receiving it and with her in the store.
edit 2: this post has only been up for three hours but i've seen enough comments about it that i think it needs to be said. i'm not asking you to be judge and jury about their relationship, i'm not trying to be. i'm asking if you think my opinion on what happened would help him understand the gravity of what he did or if i should let them sort it out themselves. they're both adults and perfectly capable of talking to one another about their own relationship. your comment isn't helpful if you say "they should break up" and making a mistake doesn't make you abusive.
edit 3: jeff is not autistic, stop theorizing about his mental health. comments about autism aren't helpful judgements of assholiness. if you're not going to use your asshole-o-meter then just *please don't comment.* i'm not here for games or validation, i love my friends and i want to help them in the best way possible.
edit 4: used "advice" too much.
| 2,716 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b28ktw/wibta_if_i_explain_to_my_best_friend_that_he/
|
2019-03-17 18:58:37
|
nta. jeff has some serious issues with social etiquette.
|
[deleted]
|
nta, jesus christ what the hell jeff. i can already tell you he's probably not going to understand why he's the big bad a here but that's terrible. his poor girlfriend, that must've hurt her.
|
nta. i actually gasped while reading this (which i admit was a bit of an overreaction on my end lol) but wtf!! returning it immediately after and with her there? wow.
i don’t think you’d be ta for saying something but it might be an incredibly awkward conversation.
|
nta. you don’t just return a gift. keep it in the closet and never use it, mabye, but never return it
|
definitely nta, but try to do it in a way where you aren’t speaking *for* liz.
|
nta: i actually think it’s your responsibility to talk to him on a person to person level. not a “you girlfriend has asked me to say this way” because it can come off that way.
i disagree with a lot of people here that say you should never return a gift. it would hurt my feeling a lot more if i bought my husband something and he never even opened it than if he sat down and talked with me about why he didn’t like it. i would rather he be able to trade it in for something we could both play. with something as simple as a video game; it’s not like she got him a custom picture frame or something non-returnable.
jeff is an asshole for how he went about this. if he had waited until after everyone had left, talk with his girlfriend privately about how he appreciates the idea but thinks he would get more enjoyment out of x. then he wouldn’t have absolutely embarrassed her in front of everyone. that is what makes him an asshole. you shouldn’t have to keep things you don’t want just because someone gave it to you.
|
nta what a dickhead move. his poor girlfriend
|
real friends let their friends know when they're fucking up.
|
nta - he returned it right in front of her? he's definitely the asshole.
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friend (we'll call him jeff) recently celebrated his 20th birthday and i drove 250 miles to see him. before i left his girlfriend (let's call her liz) was asking if the gift she had bought for him, a copy of super mario party for the switch, would be a good gift. i already had a copy of the game so i offered to play using my copy before she presented the gift to him so he would be familiar with the game. fast forward to his birthday, the first issue arises. i asked if he was interested in joining us playing the game and he was immediately not interested. jeff insisted that it was his birthday so he should get to choose what we play. not wanting to create an argument we conceded and played his choice of smash ultimate. we still had fun it just put a wrench in the original plan. after we wrap up liz gives his gift to him. second issue. jeff is underwhelmed at receiving it and remarks that it's nice, but not what he was hoping for. since we had wrapped up playing smash jeff asked if we wanted to go to the mall. it's a short drive away and we needed to do a little shopping anyway so we agreed. i didn't realize until we got to the mall that jeff had brought mario party with him. he was driving and had parked us at the entrance closest to gamestop. as soon as we enter the mall he makes a pretty direct route to gamestop. by this time liz has also realized what is going to happen and she is just barely holding back tears. he returns the brand new unopened copy of mario party for let's go eevee. we leave gamestop for another store and i go shopping with liz. jeff remained outside with a third friend, monty. while talking to monty, jeff tried to rationalize returning his gift for another game. he claimed he knew liz was interested in eevee and they would never really appreciate mario party. would i be the asshole if i tried to explain to him that his decision to immediately return his gift in front of his girlfriend who got it for him? edit tldr: my best friend returned a birthday gift his gf bought him immediately after receiving it and with her in the store. edit 2: this post has only been up for three hours but i've seen enough comments about it that i think it needs to be said. i'm not asking you to be judge and jury about their relationship, i'm not trying to be. i'm asking if you think my opinion on what happened would help him understand the gravity of what he did or if i should let them sort it out themselves. they're both adults and perfectly capable of talking to one another about their own relationship. your comment isn't helpful if you say "they should break up" and making a mistake doesn't make you abusive. edit 3: jeff is not autistic, stop theorizing about his mental health. comments about autism aren't helpful judgements of assholiness. if you're not going to use your asshole-o-meter then just *please don't comment.* i'm not here for games or validation, i love my friends and i want to help them in the best way possible. edit 4: used "advice" too much.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my friend (we'll call him jeff) recently celebrated his 20th birthday and i drove 250 miles to see him. before i left his girlfriend (let's call her liz) was asking if the gift she had bought for him, a copy of super mario party for the switch, would be a good gift. i already had a copy of the game so i offered to play using my copy before she presented the gift to him so he would be familiar with the game. fast forward to his birthday, the first issue arises. i asked if he was interested in joining us playing the game and he was immediately not interested. jeff insisted that it was his birthday so he should get to choose what we play. not wanting to create an argument we conceded and played his choice of smash ultimate. we still had fun it just put a wrench in the original plan. after we wrap up liz gives his gift to him. second issue. jeff is underwhelmed at receiving it and remarks that it's nice, but not what he was hoping for. since we had wrapped up playing smash jeff asked if we wanted to go to the mall. it's a short drive away and we needed to do a little shopping anyway so we agreed. i didn't realize until we got to the mall that jeff had brought mario party with him. he was driving and had parked us at the entrance closest to gamestop. as soon as we enter the mall he makes a pretty direct route to gamestop. by this time liz has also realized what is going to happen and she is just barely holding back tears. he returns the brand new unopened copy of mario party for let's go eevee. we leave gamestop for another store and i go shopping with liz. jeff remained outside with a third friend, monty. while talking to monty, jeff tried to rationalize returning his gift for another game. he claimed he knew liz was interested in eevee and they would never really appreciate mario party. would i be the asshole if i tried to explain to him that his decision to immediately return his gift in front of his girlfriend who got it for him? edit tldr: my best friend returned a birthday gift his gf bought him immediately after receiving it and with her in the store. edit 2: this post has only been up for three hours but i've seen enough comments about it that i think it needs to be said. i'm not asking you to be judge and jury about their relationship, i'm not trying to be. i'm asking if you think my opinion on what happened would help him understand the gravity of what he did or if i should let them sort it out themselves. they're both adults and perfectly capable of talking to one another about their own relationship. your comment isn't helpful if you say "they should break up" and making a mistake doesn't make you abusive. edit 3: jeff is not autistic, stop theorizing about his mental health. comments about autism aren't helpful judgements of assholiness. if you're not going to use your asshole-o-meter then just *please don't comment.* i'm not here for games or validation, i love my friends and i want to help them in the best way possible. edit 4: used "advice" too much. [/INST] nta. jeff has some serious issues with social etiquette. </s>
|
AITA for really hating my birthday gift and regretting getting her a good present
|
start things off with first post, sorry if i’m doing anything wrong and i’m writing this on my phone.
my (id like to say ex) best friend’s 18th birthday was last year. i got her tickets to twenty one pilots. not gonna lie, tickets weren’t cheap. $132 aud each
i thought it would be fun, we could camp out together, get ready and have fun together, ya know what best friends do with each other. fast forward to her actual birthday when i told her i got her tickets. she was very excited obviously because she loves this band but after that date she talked to me less and less. i just blew it off as school because year 12 was stressful
fast forward again to the concert night. she got there a bit before me because i had exams, work and what not. i thought okay cool i’ll go get my number to wait in line thinking she’d save me a number because i got our tickets, we were gonna go together. nope. i got there, got a quick hello from my supposed good friend and then she ran off for the rest of the wait (around 18 hours). not only that but her girlfriend was yelling at me for some stupid not relevant reason so i just left.
my friend then told me to leave the day of the concert and not be with her because she was with other people and ignored me whenever i tried to talk to her. ngl not a fun time
fast forward again to my birthday. i have major social issues and i hate opening presents in front of people and she knows that so i said thanks and put the present next to me. she got real upset about that and forced me onto the couch to open it. 2 candles, a fridge magnet and a kangaroo keychain. she got upset when she didn’t see absolute enthusiasm and for the rest of the night her girlfriend was kinda dirty looking me
my dilemma is that i’ve grown up my entire being thankful for anything i receive. it’s a privilege not an expectation to get a birthday present. and people have told me i’m a stuck up ass for not being thrilled with candles and australian themed souvenirs(we’re both australians so really it’s nothing special) it’s eating me up inside not being grateful
| 545 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b43thb/aita_for_really_hating_my_birthday_gift_and/
|
2019-03-22 11:14:33
|
nta. the way she treated you on the day of the concert, along with the completely thoughtless gift is not best friend behaviour. i think a gift that’s not expensive can be great if there’s clearly been thought put into it, but it sounded like she just picked some stuff out of her junk drawer. candles? really? might as well as have thrown some socks in too. you’re not being entitled imo, especially after shelling out a lot for a gift that was also thoughtful.
did something change about your friendship recently? i get the sense that it has something to do with her girlfriend - i know plenty of people who have changed when they get into a relationship, sometimes for the worse.
|
nta. i think the real issue here is not that she got you a shitty gift, but that she treated you like shit at the concert that you bought her tickets for. she sounds like the asshole for that. she does not sound like a friend.
as someone else said, comparing gifts is shitty. but i'm still definitely going with nta because of how shitty she was during the concert.
|
nta ditch that friend
|
nta,
i have this every christmas.
i put loads of thought and time into choosing the best christmas presents for my family each year, and it burns me up that they don't bother doing the same. we don't have lots of money, but when i give a present, i always make sure its something the person receiving it will love. then i get something like a bottle of wine (i don't drink, i make it very clear that i don't drink) or something like that. i don't think it's the money, it's the thought. you're angry/upset because she didn't put any thought into what she gave you and i, for one, understand totally what you mean.
that said, i still do this every year and get really stressed about what to get each person and i will continue to do so, because i am not the kind of person who would be petty about this.
i never say anything to the people i give/ receive presents from because i know that sometimes it's a lack of time and money, and some just don't care. if you'd have made a big thing of it, or made her upset because of it you would be the asshole, but you didn't, sounds like you were outwardly gracious.
i agree with you though op, i'd be annoyed too.
|
nta and info.
i am lost on some details though. is 21 pilots her fave? did she date the gf during that time? the gf might have just gotten jealous insecure that her gift couldn't match yours. if you included her and the gf in on the concert and gift and offered to pay for half of their tickets - may be a better scenario?
personally if i'm dating someone- i'll spend $100+ on a gift, except obviously for weddings you spend more on friends. i just think 21 pilots may have been whats playing or your fav band.
spending $100 + on a friend without checking on them is tough. does the gf feel threatened by you and your relationship with the friend? i would have checked with her before buying, but offered.
with that said - come on. if someone spent that much i'd be fudging kind to them. she was nta for that 100%
also a fridge magnet is a terrible gift unless it has huge meaning. getting mad at someone for not getting excited about a fridge magnet is an even worse gift. eff that man.
it does sound like though that you don't communicate well with this friend about what you are and aren't comfortable about and how you feel about past things. that needs to change. otherwise you will always struggle in this friendship.
|
nta. she seems like a very ungrateful person. at the same time, she might not have been able to afford anything better. it seems like their might be some drama from the gf.
as for everyone else calling you a stuck up ass, they can go fuck themselves. candles and a magnets are not something to dance around in joy from, give me a fucking break.
i was given a fucking orange, one orange, from my druggy sister for my birthday. i was not thrilled with her, and no one who knew me expected me to be either. you need better friends.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: start things off with first post, sorry if i’m doing anything wrong and i’m writing this on my phone. my (id like to say ex) best friend’s 18th birthday was last year. i got her tickets to twenty one pilots. not gonna lie, tickets weren’t cheap. $132 aud each i thought it would be fun, we could camp out together, get ready and have fun together, ya know what best friends do with each other. fast forward to her actual birthday when i told her i got her tickets. she was very excited obviously because she loves this band but after that date she talked to me less and less. i just blew it off as school because year 12 was stressful fast forward again to the concert night. she got there a bit before me because i had exams, work and what not. i thought okay cool i’ll go get my number to wait in line thinking she’d save me a number because i got our tickets, we were gonna go together. nope. i got there, got a quick hello from my supposed good friend and then she ran off for the rest of the wait (around 18 hours). not only that but her girlfriend was yelling at me for some stupid not relevant reason so i just left. my friend then told me to leave the day of the concert and not be with her because she was with other people and ignored me whenever i tried to talk to her. ngl not a fun time fast forward again to my birthday. i have major social issues and i hate opening presents in front of people and she knows that so i said thanks and put the present next to me. she got real upset about that and forced me onto the couch to open it. 2 candles, a fridge magnet and a kangaroo keychain. she got upset when she didn’t see absolute enthusiasm and for the rest of the night her girlfriend was kinda dirty looking me my dilemma is that i’ve grown up my entire being thankful for anything i receive. it’s a privilege not an expectation to get a birthday present. and people have told me i’m a stuck up ass for not being thrilled with candles and australian themed souvenirs(we’re both australians so really it’s nothing special) it’s eating me up inside not being grateful
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
start things off with first post, sorry if i’m doing anything wrong and i’m writing this on my phone. my (id like to say ex) best friend’s 18th birthday was last year. i got her tickets to twenty one pilots. not gonna lie, tickets weren’t cheap. $132 aud each i thought it would be fun, we could camp out together, get ready and have fun together, ya know what best friends do with each other. fast forward to her actual birthday when i told her i got her tickets. she was very excited obviously because she loves this band but after that date she talked to me less and less. i just blew it off as school because year 12 was stressful fast forward again to the concert night. she got there a bit before me because i had exams, work and what not. i thought okay cool i’ll go get my number to wait in line thinking she’d save me a number because i got our tickets, we were gonna go together. nope. i got there, got a quick hello from my supposed good friend and then she ran off for the rest of the wait (around 18 hours). not only that but her girlfriend was yelling at me for some stupid not relevant reason so i just left. my friend then told me to leave the day of the concert and not be with her because she was with other people and ignored me whenever i tried to talk to her. ngl not a fun time fast forward again to my birthday. i have major social issues and i hate opening presents in front of people and she knows that so i said thanks and put the present next to me. she got real upset about that and forced me onto the couch to open it. 2 candles, a fridge magnet and a kangaroo keychain. she got upset when she didn’t see absolute enthusiasm and for the rest of the night her girlfriend was kinda dirty looking me my dilemma is that i’ve grown up my entire being thankful for anything i receive. it’s a privilege not an expectation to get a birthday present. and people have told me i’m a stuck up ass for not being thrilled with candles and australian themed souvenirs(we’re both australians so really it’s nothing special) it’s eating me up inside not being grateful [/INST] nta. the way she treated you on the day of the concert, along with the completely thoughtless gift is not best friend behaviour. i think a gift that’s not expensive can be great if there’s clearly been thought put into it, but it sounded like she just picked some stuff out of her junk drawer. candles? really? might as well as have thrown some socks in too. you’re not being entitled imo, especially after shelling out a lot for a gift that was also thoughtful. did something change about your friendship recently? i get the sense that it has something to do with her girlfriend - i know plenty of people who have changed when they get into a relationship, sometimes for the worse. </s>
|
AITA for forcing my husband to do chores even though he doesn’t want to?
|
i’ve been trying to teach my son how to do small easy chores around the house but a big issue is that whenever he doesn’t want to do it, he uses the excuse that his dad never has to do chores, which is true. my husband has never had to do chores in his life and doesn’t understand why i want to teach our son, especially at such a young age (he’s 4).
one of the chores i get him to do is help clear the table. a few days ago, he was refusing to do it because he wanted to go play and his dad wasn’t helping. i told him his dad would help clear the table too. my husband gave me a look that made it obvious he didn’t want to help but he did do it.
afterwards, we had a conversation about chores and he thinks me teaching our son is pointless and that he didn’t want to be dragged into it again as he paid someone else so that he didn’t have to do these things himself. i told him i thought it was important our son learnt these things so he knew basic life skills and didn’t take things for granted as he got older and he needed to help out in front of him too so that he knew everyone did chores. my husband was annoyed and said he wouldn’t but has since done two other chores because he felt i put him on the spot, which has made him upset with me.
aita?
| 2,401 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/timnsa/aita_for_forcing_my_husband_to_do_chores_even/
|
2022-03-20 14:48:02
|
nta. why are you with a lazy guy who treats you so poorly that he won't even help with chores?
|
nta. make a chore chart and give your husband a star sticker every time he does one; that seems like the right type of reinforcement for someone who acts that age.
|
nta your husband is a piece of fuckin work. he does dick all to help around the house and he’s teaching his son that just because he’s male he doesn’t have to learn literally essential life skills because, what, “he pays someone to do it”? what does that even mean? do you have a maid? your post makes it sound like you are primarily if not totally responsible for the chores so who exactly is he paying? also, unless daddy plans to bankroll your sons’ misogynistic lifestyle, he’s going to have to learn how to do this shit when he eventually leaves home and is inevitably single because he won’t clean a dish. also, and i know this might be a particular mind-blower, i don’t care how well off you are, disasters/tragedies happen and one day your husband may find himself alone, poor, and unable to boil water to feed himself. ugh i’m so annoyed after reading this post, your husband sounds insufferable
|
nta. seems like you're raising two children.
|
nta. your husband needs to grow up and do some chores to set a good example for your son. let’s leave lazy men who can’t even pick up their own plates in 2021 please.
|
nta, if you live in a house, you share the chores proportionately. plus, is he paying you to do the chores? since he says he thinks they're pointless.
question: ask your husband if teaching your child to do chores would be okay if your child was a girl.
|
nta: i think your being generous saying that your husband helping to clear the table counts as a chore. you need to teach your son to do chores so he doesn’t end up a lazy spoiled jerk like your husband.
|
nta in my opinion. chores are habits being formed at a young age. i was never enforced to have them and when i moved out on my own i was a mess. i hated cleaning but with having to do them every day i theorize it just makes it a habit. i also think your husband should be helping too. it’s a home everyone lives in and dirties then everyone shares the cleaning of the shared spaces. it takes a long time to change the habit of not wanting to clean.
also since he’s 4 small things like picking up his toys, cleaning the table he eats on, and helping in general is not a bad idea. it enforced positive ideas with cleaning if you make it fun too. i know when i began trying to form those habits having music playing helped a ton.
i went off on a personal tangent but tl;dr not the asshole, it’s forming positive habits.
|
why are there so many posts about lazy husbands on here lol
|
nta: your husband is turning your son into the man that all women fear ending up with. the partner who never helps around the house.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve been trying to teach my son how to do small easy chores around the house but a big issue is that whenever he doesn’t want to do it, he uses the excuse that his dad never has to do chores, which is true. my husband has never had to do chores in his life and doesn’t understand why i want to teach our son, especially at such a young age (he’s 4). one of the chores i get him to do is help clear the table. a few days ago, he was refusing to do it because he wanted to go play and his dad wasn’t helping. i told him his dad would help clear the table too. my husband gave me a look that made it obvious he didn’t want to help but he did do it. afterwards, we had a conversation about chores and he thinks me teaching our son is pointless and that he didn’t want to be dragged into it again as he paid someone else so that he didn’t have to do these things himself. i told him i thought it was important our son learnt these things so he knew basic life skills and didn’t take things for granted as he got older and he needed to help out in front of him too so that he knew everyone did chores. my husband was annoyed and said he wouldn’t but has since done two other chores because he felt i put him on the spot, which has made him upset with me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve been trying to teach my son how to do small easy chores around the house but a big issue is that whenever he doesn’t want to do it, he uses the excuse that his dad never has to do chores, which is true. my husband has never had to do chores in his life and doesn’t understand why i want to teach our son, especially at such a young age (he’s 4). one of the chores i get him to do is help clear the table. a few days ago, he was refusing to do it because he wanted to go play and his dad wasn’t helping. i told him his dad would help clear the table too. my husband gave me a look that made it obvious he didn’t want to help but he did do it. afterwards, we had a conversation about chores and he thinks me teaching our son is pointless and that he didn’t want to be dragged into it again as he paid someone else so that he didn’t have to do these things himself. i told him i thought it was important our son learnt these things so he knew basic life skills and didn’t take things for granted as he got older and he needed to help out in front of him too so that he knew everyone did chores. my husband was annoyed and said he wouldn’t but has since done two other chores because he felt i put him on the spot, which has made him upset with me. aita? [/INST] nta. why are you with a lazy guy who treats you so poorly that he won't even help with chores? </s>
|
AITA for decling a bible my teacher wanted to give me and telling her that i dont believe in God
|
i(16f) live in a place where almost everyone is christian but my parents aernt thier buddhist and they raised me as a buddhist but they told me that i could believe in whatever i like and i choose buddhism as my religeon.
at my school there is a church service every week where a pastor will come and speak to our school and my teachers know that i am not christian so usally while the service is going i'll wait in a class with the other students who also aernt christian. there are actually quite alot of other people who are also not christian there are alot of muslims,hindus,jews and even some people that believe in the shinto religeon so not everyone is christian like 70% of the school is christian and 30% is a mix of other religeons
after this one service the pastor told the teachers to give every student a free bible. how it worked was the bell had already rang and everyone was in their classrooms and the teacher got a stack of bibles and she would call out a name and then the kid would get up and take it.they didnt really keep in mind of the kids who were of other religeons and just kinda forced them to take a bible.when it came to my name i told her no thank you, she got really offended by this and she put the piece of paper with our names down and put both her hands on the table and asked me "why not?"
i told her its because im not christian and she went on a rant about how god died on the cross to save my soul and how i was being ungrateful to him and that im going to end up in hell and she told me that my buddhist god statue wont be able to save me then.
i told her that i don't care about what god has done for me because i dont believe in him and if i go te hell because of it so be it and that if she has a problem with my beliefs she can take her opinion and discuss it with my parents obviously she was angry at the way i was "backtalking" to her and she sent me to the principals office where my parents were called to the school.
the teacher and my parents disscused the situation and they didnt scold me for being disrespectful they scolded me for minding my teachers words they also refused to apoligise to my teacher.
my parents never discussed it again after that so i dont think they were angry at me.
the teacher has been ignoring me ever since the situation but now and again she'll make a comment about it usally i just ignore her as well.
my friends told me that i should've just took the bible to not make a scene and that what i did made the whole class feel really uncofortable i dont think that i was in the wrong but i just wanted to make sure.
| 604 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w7s7by/aita_for_decling_a_bible_my_teacher_wanted_to/
|
2022-07-25 15:43:31
|
nta. i hate it when people try to force their religion on you and then call you disrespectful for not wanting that.
|
nta - school is for teaching the things you need to learn to get by in life, not religious indoctrination. please tell me this isn't in a school in the us.
|
nta
honestly, you really impressed me with how you handled the whole situation. this teacher flat out disrespected you, threatened you with fire & brimstone and sent you to the principal's office. all for very reasonably refusing to participate in someone else's religion.
nice work, you're awesome. you did exactly the right thing.
|
this is bullying. it's the main reason i can't stand christians.
i live in the southern united states so i know the feeling of christianity being the 'default' religion.
i'm proud of you for standing up for yourself.
nta
|
take it and throw it right on the trash. aggressive christians are what's wrong in the usa. nta
|
nta. when i was forcefully given a bible i just said "thanks for the firewood" and they quickly took it back and never forced religion on me again.
|
nta
if this is in the usa and you are in a public school, they deserve to be hit with a lawsuit because they are violating your most basic constitutional rights.
while this is being whittled away by recent supreme court decisions like allowing christian prayer from the sidelines of a football game, what was done to you is text book egregious violation.
while i understand not wanting to make waves, it is these kinds of acts of aggression by the oppressive majority that need to be challenged for the protection of everyone's freedoms. otherwise we have a theocracy with taliban like restrictions.
|
nta
you are under no obligation to receive a "gift", especially one you don't want or need. your teacher was wrong for trying to preach to you about her god.
you did the right thing.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(16f) live in a place where almost everyone is christian but my parents aernt thier buddhist and they raised me as a buddhist but they told me that i could believe in whatever i like and i choose buddhism as my religeon. at my school there is a church service every week where a pastor will come and speak to our school and my teachers know that i am not christian so usally while the service is going i'll wait in a class with the other students who also aernt christian. there are actually quite alot of other people who are also not christian there are alot of muslims,hindus,jews and even some people that believe in the shinto religeon so not everyone is christian like 70% of the school is christian and 30% is a mix of other religeons after this one service the pastor told the teachers to give every student a free bible. how it worked was the bell had already rang and everyone was in their classrooms and the teacher got a stack of bibles and she would call out a name and then the kid would get up and take it.they didnt really keep in mind of the kids who were of other religeons and just kinda forced them to take a bible.when it came to my name i told her no thank you, she got really offended by this and she put the piece of paper with our names down and put both her hands on the table and asked me "why not?" i told her its because im not christian and she went on a rant about how god died on the cross to save my soul and how i was being ungrateful to him and that im going to end up in hell and she told me that my buddhist god statue wont be able to save me then. i told her that i don't care about what god has done for me because i dont believe in him and if i go te hell because of it so be it and that if she has a problem with my beliefs she can take her opinion and discuss it with my parents obviously she was angry at the way i was "backtalking" to her and she sent me to the principals office where my parents were called to the school. the teacher and my parents disscused the situation and they didnt scold me for being disrespectful they scolded me for minding my teachers words they also refused to apoligise to my teacher. my parents never discussed it again after that so i dont think they were angry at me. the teacher has been ignoring me ever since the situation but now and again she'll make a comment about it usally i just ignore her as well. my friends told me that i should've just took the bible to not make a scene and that what i did made the whole class feel really uncofortable i dont think that i was in the wrong but i just wanted to make sure.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(16f) live in a place where almost everyone is christian but my parents aernt thier buddhist and they raised me as a buddhist but they told me that i could believe in whatever i like and i choose buddhism as my religeon. at my school there is a church service every week where a pastor will come and speak to our school and my teachers know that i am not christian so usally while the service is going i'll wait in a class with the other students who also aernt christian. there are actually quite alot of other people who are also not christian there are alot of muslims,hindus,jews and even some people that believe in the shinto religeon so not everyone is christian like 70% of the school is christian and 30% is a mix of other religeons after this one service the pastor told the teachers to give every student a free bible. how it worked was the bell had already rang and everyone was in their classrooms and the teacher got a stack of bibles and she would call out a name and then the kid would get up and take it.they didnt really keep in mind of the kids who were of other religeons and just kinda forced them to take a bible.when it came to my name i told her no thank you, she got really offended by this and she put the piece of paper with our names down and put both her hands on the table and asked me "why not?" i told her its because im not christian and she went on a rant about how god died on the cross to save my soul and how i was being ungrateful to him and that im going to end up in hell and she told me that my buddhist god statue wont be able to save me then. i told her that i don't care about what god has done for me because i dont believe in him and if i go te hell because of it so be it and that if she has a problem with my beliefs she can take her opinion and discuss it with my parents obviously she was angry at the way i was "backtalking" to her and she sent me to the principals office where my parents were called to the school. the teacher and my parents disscused the situation and they didnt scold me for being disrespectful they scolded me for minding my teachers words they also refused to apoligise to my teacher. my parents never discussed it again after that so i dont think they were angry at me. the teacher has been ignoring me ever since the situation but now and again she'll make a comment about it usally i just ignore her as well. my friends told me that i should've just took the bible to not make a scene and that what i did made the whole class feel really uncofortable i dont think that i was in the wrong but i just wanted to make sure. [/INST] nta. i hate it when people try to force their religion on you and then call you disrespectful for not wanting that. </s>
|
WIBTA for making my girlfriend pay more of a rent since she completely changed the way she cooked
|
my girlfriend and i have been together for 3 years . we have been living together for a year and a half. i make almost double what she does and she was living with her parents before so when she moved in we made the agreement that i would pay $900 in rent and she would only pay $500 but that she would do all of the cooking since she enjoyed it. i do other chores in the house but she has done all the cooking- she makes breakfast, packs lunch and cooked dinner she never complained about it
&#x200b;
however around 2 months ago she decided to go vegetarian for ethical/environmental/health reasons. she completely changed her cooking and stopped cooking meat entirely. i just find this so annoying since i enjoyed her cooking before and i'm a meat person. if i ask her to make something she used to make she'll say "i can make it myself" which is annoying because we had an agreement. i've talked to her about this but she thinks there's nothing wrong with what she's cooking and she makes sure it's tastes good.
&#x200b;
i'm strongly considering asking her to pay $700 for her rent since i kinda feel cheated out of the deal we've made but i'm debating whether this would be a dick move.
| 349 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ax2z49/wibta_for_making_my_girlfriend_pay_more_of_a_rent/
|
2019-03-04 04:34:19
|
yta
you said she did all the cooking because “she enjoyed it” and she “never complained”. sounds like these things are still true and you’re the one complaining.
|
yta. you make twice what she does and you’re partners, not roommates. paying a proportional amount to your income is already fair without her cooking for you. expecting her to make you three meals a day is already a lot, expecting her to make them to your specifications is an asshole move.
|
yta
it's fair to want food you enjoy.
it's fair to pay equal rent.
it's not fair to charge her more because her diet doesn't reflect yours anymore.
this isn't about the money, it's about cornering her into sacrificing her diet/beliefs. i'm confident that a near 50% hike in her rent would be heavily damaging to her financially and she cannot accept that. which means she would have to accept your demand or move out.
holy damn, you are the asshole.
|
yta she still cooks and having a personal chef costs way more than $200.
|
yta. you make double what she makes. you’re being ridiculous here. prep your own meat and eat what she makes on top of that.
|
yta, beggars can't be choosers, if you want non vegan, buy or cook it your self.
|
who is paying for the groceries?
|
nah - yet. i would have a respectful conversation with her. i would remind her the two you agreed she would pay less rent since she was cooking. tell her you understand things have changed and you were thinking you need to discuss how rent should be paid now and/or housework is being divided.
|
nah.
you had an arrangement and this is a significant change to that arrangement.
but also consider that if you request she pays equal rent that would go along with you cooking for her as often as she cooks for you.
both of your positions have some degree of reasonableness to them, and its important that you figure out a compromise.
also know that if you know work equal hours many partners with a disparity in income adjust paying shared expenses at whatever ratio is proportional to their income disparity.
|
yta. from what you've said it doesn't seem like she's broken the agreement. it seems as though she is still cooking enough food for you both, you're just turning it down because it isn't what you like. it would be a bit less assholeish if she were just a roommate, but with her being your partner i can only imagine the end result would be her leaving.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
NAH
|
NAH
|
YTA
| 0.06929 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my girlfriend and i have been together for 3 years . we have been living together for a year and a half. i make almost double what she does and she was living with her parents before so when she moved in we made the agreement that i would pay $900 in rent and she would only pay $500 but that she would do all of the cooking since she enjoyed it. i do other chores in the house but she has done all the cooking- she makes breakfast, packs lunch and cooked dinner she never complained about it &#x200b; however around 2 months ago she decided to go vegetarian for ethical/environmental/health reasons. she completely changed her cooking and stopped cooking meat entirely. i just find this so annoying since i enjoyed her cooking before and i'm a meat person. if i ask her to make something she used to make she'll say "i can make it myself" which is annoying because we had an agreement. i've talked to her about this but she thinks there's nothing wrong with what she's cooking and she makes sure it's tastes good. &#x200b; i'm strongly considering asking her to pay $700 for her rent since i kinda feel cheated out of the deal we've made but i'm debating whether this would be a dick move.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend and i have been together for 3 years . we have been living together for a year and a half. i make almost double what she does and she was living with her parents before so when she moved in we made the agreement that i would pay $900 in rent and she would only pay $500 but that she would do all of the cooking since she enjoyed it. i do other chores in the house but she has done all the cooking- she makes breakfast, packs lunch and cooked dinner she never complained about it &#x200b; however around 2 months ago she decided to go vegetarian for ethical/environmental/health reasons. she completely changed her cooking and stopped cooking meat entirely. i just find this so annoying since i enjoyed her cooking before and i'm a meat person. if i ask her to make something she used to make she'll say "i can make it myself" which is annoying because we had an agreement. i've talked to her about this but she thinks there's nothing wrong with what she's cooking and she makes sure it's tastes good. &#x200b; i'm strongly considering asking her to pay $700 for her rent since i kinda feel cheated out of the deal we've made but i'm debating whether this would be a dick move. [/INST] yta you said she did all the cooking because “she enjoyed it” and she “never complained”. sounds like these things are still true and you’re the one complaining. </s>
|
AITA For telling my Girlfriend her Instagram use is obnoxious and ruining our relationship?
|
so according to my girlfriend and several friends of hers that apparantly needed to be included in our personal affairs this makes me a controlling ass.
well to give some background i am not a social media user(i do have an account on one site but i rarely use it and it is more to keep track of distant relatives and old friends on) and neither was my girlfriend for the most part, she did use it on and off.
well in the past year she has made an instagram due to pressure of some of her friends. well she is very good looking so it more or less kicked off and she has now got somewhere in the area of 20 to 30 thousand followers.
well it was all good at the start be it a bit annoying to be honest but she sort of got addicted. at first she respected my choice not to be involved as well but now she wants me to take pictures, be in pictures, takes pictures of me to put on her instagram etc.
well essentially all of our dates, moments together and so forth are now the subject of a photosession and it is honestly starting to have a large impact on our relationship and has turned into the primary subject of every argument we have.
well that brings us to even more recently and now she is starting to post more eh, provocative stuff, i suppose we should call it. i am obviously not saying nude stuff but like stuff in bikini's with an focus on her ass you know the type of stuff. now while i am not a big fan of her doing that, i do not consider it a huge issue(at the end of the day everyone sees it when we go to the beach anyways)it is more or less yet another shovel of shit on the proverbial shitheap that this instagram crap has become, however on the off occasion i actually check her instagram the comments are just pissing me the hell off, primarily a bunch of horny dudes, you get the drift.
so yesterday i decided to just be blunt about it given it is really a strain on our relationship and it went about as well as you could expect.
we have not spoken since aside from another argument(real fun given we live together and have to stay home.) so, am i just overreacting?
| 4,596 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gh2q7c/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_her_instagram_use/
|
2020-05-10 14:44:46
|
nta.
being angry about somebody going on an app rather than being present with you in the moment is completely understandable. it sounds like she's using it too much. you start forming questions in your head like "why does she want the approval of a bunch of strangers so bad?" "if she's on her app rather than just enjoying our date together, does that mean she values the approval of strangers more than she values spending time with me?"
i have a rule where my husband and i don't look at our phones while on a date/going out to eat. the technology can really suck away the quality time. if somebody is on their phone rather than being present, it's like a rejection in itself, which hurts.
|
nta. i mean, she can do anything she likes. but she's pressuring you to be involved too, knowing that you'd rather not, and impinging on your personal life. you don't have to consent to that, but it does sound like the end of your relationship. sorry.
|
nta- i’ve had a friend like that. it feels like an invasion of privacy and makes you feel like a prop when all of your hangouts are just excuses for instagram stories.
|
info: what exactly did you say?
|
nta. unfortunately, unless you can get totally on board with this, i think your relationship is over. a lot of people become consumed with social media and it sounds like it this is what's happened to her. some people just care more about fictitious relationships than real ones.
|
nta, i can imagine it being a strain on your relationship. she obviously is in her full right to post that stuff and maybe even earn money with it, but you are in your full right to dislike it.
especially because your relationship has now become a product without your real consent. that's the only taking really making her an asshole. for the rest, i'd say she wouldn't be an asshole for posting pics. but you are not the asshole for disliking it.
honestly, i wouldn't know what i would do in your situation. embrace it, wait until the phase is over? idk man. those horny guys posting stuff would make me go crazy lol.
|
eeeeh...
nta. it would have been different if you had entered this relationship when this was going on and you started having an issue with it, but that's clearly not the case. you are entitled to your boundaries and yiu sure as shit are entitled to express them. i completely understand your annoyance with thr fact that your time together seems to less important. it is, however, her body and she can post of it what she pleases. (quick insert, it would irk me as well)
is this annoyance enough to ruin your relationship over? stand your ground, demand a compromise just be ready to draw the short end of that.
|
nta. i had a friend that one would call “instagram famous” and she was exhausting to hang out with. i actually quit hanging out with her because everything we did ended with her making me take her picture the entire time.
|
nta. if you don't want to be involved in the instagram posts and don't want all your moments documented, that's your choice. if she's so insistent on it and it's such a huge deal to her, maybe you just aren't right for each other.
|
nah, she has every right to use instagram that way, as you have every right to be upset with how it’s affecting your relationship. sit down, talk about it, compromise if you can, break up if you have to, good luck!
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
| 0.007204 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so according to my girlfriend and several friends of hers that apparantly needed to be included in our personal affairs this makes me a controlling ass. well to give some background i am not a social media user(i do have an account on one site but i rarely use it and it is more to keep track of distant relatives and old friends on) and neither was my girlfriend for the most part, she did use it on and off. well in the past year she has made an instagram due to pressure of some of her friends. well she is very good looking so it more or less kicked off and she has now got somewhere in the area of 20 to 30 thousand followers. well it was all good at the start be it a bit annoying to be honest but she sort of got addicted. at first she respected my choice not to be involved as well but now she wants me to take pictures, be in pictures, takes pictures of me to put on her instagram etc. well essentially all of our dates, moments together and so forth are now the subject of a photosession and it is honestly starting to have a large impact on our relationship and has turned into the primary subject of every argument we have. well that brings us to even more recently and now she is starting to post more eh, provocative stuff, i suppose we should call it. i am obviously not saying nude stuff but like stuff in bikini's with an focus on her ass you know the type of stuff. now while i am not a big fan of her doing that, i do not consider it a huge issue(at the end of the day everyone sees it when we go to the beach anyways)it is more or less yet another shovel of shit on the proverbial shitheap that this instagram crap has become, however on the off occasion i actually check her instagram the comments are just pissing me the hell off, primarily a bunch of horny dudes, you get the drift. so yesterday i decided to just be blunt about it given it is really a strain on our relationship and it went about as well as you could expect. we have not spoken since aside from another argument(real fun given we live together and have to stay home.) so, am i just overreacting?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so according to my girlfriend and several friends of hers that apparantly needed to be included in our personal affairs this makes me a controlling ass. well to give some background i am not a social media user(i do have an account on one site but i rarely use it and it is more to keep track of distant relatives and old friends on) and neither was my girlfriend for the most part, she did use it on and off. well in the past year she has made an instagram due to pressure of some of her friends. well she is very good looking so it more or less kicked off and she has now got somewhere in the area of 20 to 30 thousand followers. well it was all good at the start be it a bit annoying to be honest but she sort of got addicted. at first she respected my choice not to be involved as well but now she wants me to take pictures, be in pictures, takes pictures of me to put on her instagram etc. well essentially all of our dates, moments together and so forth are now the subject of a photosession and it is honestly starting to have a large impact on our relationship and has turned into the primary subject of every argument we have. well that brings us to even more recently and now she is starting to post more eh, provocative stuff, i suppose we should call it. i am obviously not saying nude stuff but like stuff in bikini's with an focus on her ass you know the type of stuff. now while i am not a big fan of her doing that, i do not consider it a huge issue(at the end of the day everyone sees it when we go to the beach anyways)it is more or less yet another shovel of shit on the proverbial shitheap that this instagram crap has become, however on the off occasion i actually check her instagram the comments are just pissing me the hell off, primarily a bunch of horny dudes, you get the drift. so yesterday i decided to just be blunt about it given it is really a strain on our relationship and it went about as well as you could expect. we have not spoken since aside from another argument(real fun given we live together and have to stay home.) so, am i just overreacting? [/INST] nta. being angry about somebody going on an app rather than being present with you in the moment is completely understandable. it sounds like she's using it too much. you start forming questions in your head like "why does she want the approval of a bunch of strangers so bad?" "if she's on her app rather than just enjoying our date together, does that mean she values the approval of strangers more than she values spending time with me?" i have a rule where my husband and i don't look at our phones while on a date/going out to eat. the technology can really suck away the quality time. if somebody is on their phone rather than being present, it's like a rejection in itself, which hurts. </s>
|
AITA for chastising my mother in front of my wife
|
my wife (35) and i (36) have a 16 month old baby. we had her mid-pandemic and with the dangers of traveling, my mother (74) that lives across the country was unable to travel to see our daughter until her first birthday.
while visiting, my mom would repeatedly make comments about how thin my wife was considering she gave birth a year prior and how she'd "lost all the pregnancy weight very quickly." she would also remark about how tired my wife looked. we just sort of nodded along to all of these comments and chalked it up to her missing out on the pregnancy and first year of our daughter's life, though we didn't appreciate her pointing out how tired my wife apparently looked.
she came back to visit for christmas and again commented on how thin my wife was, following it with a story about how a friend of hers never lost the pregnancy weight and has been "fat" ever since. when my mother left for the night, my wife and i just sort of groaned about my mom's preoccupation with her weight and assumed she meant it's a compliment, though a sort of reverse fat-shamey one.
but it was the next day that really upset me. she again commented that my wife looked tired and so i spoke up and said "mom, it's rude to say that." she was taken aback and said she was just saying my wife needed more rest and must be tired from taking care of the baby. i repeated that it's just rude to tell someone they look tired. that got me the silent treatment and the next day she went off on me for "chastising" her, especially in front of my wife. i didn't intend to admonish her in front of my wife but i didn't want to just let it go in the moment, so i addressed it right then.
when my mom was out of the room, my dad also gave me a hard time for calling my mom out. i tried to explain to him that telling someone they look tired insinuates something negative about their appearance but he disagreed and we didn't talk about it further.
no one mentioned it the rest of the holiday, but i'm certain it will come back up as my mom doesn't forgive or forget when she feels slighted. for my wife and me, it's over. i nor my wife expect or want my mom to apologize. i let her know how we felt and it's done.
aita for telling my mom it's rude to tell someone they look tired? should i have done it in private? should i apologize for doing it in front of my wife? am i wrong in thinking that's a rude thing to say?
| 165 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s827r0/aita_for_chastising_my_mother_in_front_of_my_wife/
|
2022-01-19 22:16:59
|
nta. in fact, you were right to admonish her in front of your wife. it shows your mom you won't tolerate her poor behavior with your wife there to hear that, and shows your wife you have her back. i have this same issue with my mom being rude to my wife (and me). i finally learned to deal with it head on. i get the silent treatment, too, but my wife being treated properly is more important than my mom's hurt feelings. stand your ground, you did the right thing!
|
nta - your mother sounds exhausting. she needed to be put in her place in the moment. wonderful job protecting your wife.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. if anything you should have addressed it earlier. you addressed it calmly and in the moment. if your mom wanted to be addressed privately, then she should have made the comment to you privately. she included your wife in the conversation by making a negative comment about her appearance.
|
nta, but is it possible that your mother is trying to finagle some alone time with the baby by stressing that your wife looks tired?
|
nta - your mom said it before, again and again. she needs to stop, enough is enough.
on a side note, i am noticing things like this with my parents and my in-laws. these little annoyances, i guess it just comes with age.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife (35) and i (36) have a 16 month old baby. we had her mid-pandemic and with the dangers of traveling, my mother (74) that lives across the country was unable to travel to see our daughter until her first birthday. while visiting, my mom would repeatedly make comments about how thin my wife was considering she gave birth a year prior and how she'd "lost all the pregnancy weight very quickly." she would also remark about how tired my wife looked. we just sort of nodded along to all of these comments and chalked it up to her missing out on the pregnancy and first year of our daughter's life, though we didn't appreciate her pointing out how tired my wife apparently looked. she came back to visit for christmas and again commented on how thin my wife was, following it with a story about how a friend of hers never lost the pregnancy weight and has been "fat" ever since. when my mother left for the night, my wife and i just sort of groaned about my mom's preoccupation with her weight and assumed she meant it's a compliment, though a sort of reverse fat-shamey one. but it was the next day that really upset me. she again commented that my wife looked tired and so i spoke up and said "mom, it's rude to say that." she was taken aback and said she was just saying my wife needed more rest and must be tired from taking care of the baby. i repeated that it's just rude to tell someone they look tired. that got me the silent treatment and the next day she went off on me for "chastising" her, especially in front of my wife. i didn't intend to admonish her in front of my wife but i didn't want to just let it go in the moment, so i addressed it right then. when my mom was out of the room, my dad also gave me a hard time for calling my mom out. i tried to explain to him that telling someone they look tired insinuates something negative about their appearance but he disagreed and we didn't talk about it further. no one mentioned it the rest of the holiday, but i'm certain it will come back up as my mom doesn't forgive or forget when she feels slighted. for my wife and me, it's over. i nor my wife expect or want my mom to apologize. i let her know how we felt and it's done. aita for telling my mom it's rude to tell someone they look tired? should i have done it in private? should i apologize for doing it in front of my wife? am i wrong in thinking that's a rude thing to say?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife (35) and i (36) have a 16 month old baby. we had her mid-pandemic and with the dangers of traveling, my mother (74) that lives across the country was unable to travel to see our daughter until her first birthday. while visiting, my mom would repeatedly make comments about how thin my wife was considering she gave birth a year prior and how she'd "lost all the pregnancy weight very quickly." she would also remark about how tired my wife looked. we just sort of nodded along to all of these comments and chalked it up to her missing out on the pregnancy and first year of our daughter's life, though we didn't appreciate her pointing out how tired my wife apparently looked. she came back to visit for christmas and again commented on how thin my wife was, following it with a story about how a friend of hers never lost the pregnancy weight and has been "fat" ever since. when my mother left for the night, my wife and i just sort of groaned about my mom's preoccupation with her weight and assumed she meant it's a compliment, though a sort of reverse fat-shamey one. but it was the next day that really upset me. she again commented that my wife looked tired and so i spoke up and said "mom, it's rude to say that." she was taken aback and said she was just saying my wife needed more rest and must be tired from taking care of the baby. i repeated that it's just rude to tell someone they look tired. that got me the silent treatment and the next day she went off on me for "chastising" her, especially in front of my wife. i didn't intend to admonish her in front of my wife but i didn't want to just let it go in the moment, so i addressed it right then. when my mom was out of the room, my dad also gave me a hard time for calling my mom out. i tried to explain to him that telling someone they look tired insinuates something negative about their appearance but he disagreed and we didn't talk about it further. no one mentioned it the rest of the holiday, but i'm certain it will come back up as my mom doesn't forgive or forget when she feels slighted. for my wife and me, it's over. i nor my wife expect or want my mom to apologize. i let her know how we felt and it's done. aita for telling my mom it's rude to tell someone they look tired? should i have done it in private? should i apologize for doing it in front of my wife? am i wrong in thinking that's a rude thing to say? [/INST] nta. in fact, you were right to admonish her in front of your wife. it shows your mom you won't tolerate her poor behavior with your wife there to hear that, and shows your wife you have her back. i have this same issue with my mom being rude to my wife (and me). i finally learned to deal with it head on. i get the silent treatment, too, but my wife being treated properly is more important than my mom's hurt feelings. stand your ground, you did the right thing! </s>
|
AITA for asking my roommate to find a different dorm because of her emotional support animal?
|
ok so- it’s my sophomore year of college and i was randomly assigned roommates. it’s a suite style living situation, three roommates, including me, and once being assigned, we all reached out to each other on email and started talking. once we started talking about everything, my direct roommate, may, told us she will be having a cat in the dorm as her emotional support animal.
we were not informed of this by our college that there would be a cat in our room. i personally have a minor cat allergy and a strong aversion to smells- i.e litter boxes. i was too nervous to say anything at first and me and my other roommate, lea, responded with “aw how cute!” and the sorts. eventually we were talking about concerns a few days later and lea admitted she had a minor cat allergy but downplayed it.
i then felt confident enough to admit that i am also allergic and not comfortable with the scent. may insisted it wouldn’t smell and that she’s had people with allergies be around her cat before and theyre fine.
i was pretty frustrated and decided i wouldn’t spend the whole year uncomfortable so i told her if both her roommates can’t live with a cat , she should probably reach out to housing and find another dorm.
she basically said i was undermining her mental health issues and she needs this cat and shouldn’t be the one to change dorms. i said hell it’s an emotional support animal not a service dog. she then called me ableist. i feel like shit but i’m not spending the whole year uncomfy.
| 1,627 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wmpswu/aita_for_asking_my_roommate_to_find_a_different/
|
2022-08-12 16:38:55
|
nta. she can't claim you're "undermining" her mental health when she's doing the exact same thing to your and your other roomie's physical health. she needs to find new living arrangements
|
nta. you should be reaching out asap to the residential folks, and explaining the concern. you can't rely on her to do it, however, as she will likely just ignore it.
|
nta - she didn’t tell anyone at housing she was bringing a cat. if she had, they would have asked for emotional support animal documentation. she just made that part up
|
nta.
your mental health issues are your mental health issues. it does not give you an all out ticket to irritate others physical health issues.
|
nta - and not ableist. emotional support animals are not protected and i’m surprised she’s even let them in the dorms in the first place.
too many people refer to their pets as emotional support to try and skirt the rules. go above her to whoever’s in charge of dorms.
|
background: i've worked in university housing for eight years.
you can't kick your roommate out, but you need to contact your housing office asap. they'll do their best to reassign either you or your roommate, but with move-in around the corner you need to act now. in the event that assignments aren't changed, you can--with appropriate medical documentation--request your own disability accommodation based on your allergy.
universities have been welcoming more and more esas with good outcomes for students who need them. unfortunately, issues like yours arise. due to ferpa laws, it's a real legal and ethical gray area for a university to tell you about your roommate's esa, so they generally don't do it. but it's also possible (and i'd say probable) your roommate didn't get an accommodation approved until after room assignments were made. it's a nightmare for housing assignments when this happens, and you'd be shocked how many students don't tell their roommate(s) about esas until move-in day.
nta for not wanting to live with a cat, especially considering your allergy. but keep in mind that you would be an ah if you demand that your assignment not get changed (as in "why should i have to move? the problem is her cat.") staff will try to fit people in the most appropriate spots and can't make rooms exist out of nowhere. it'd also be an ah move to try to "force" the roommate out. it sucks that you're only learning about this complication now, but you're an adult with agency and need to tackle the problem yourself. if you leave it for the roommate to deal with, you're just as bad as she is.
|
nta. i swear these kids love to throw around “ableist”, it’s exhausting. you are 100% nta here. she has an animal, she needs to figure it out.
|
nah, you need not to be with the cat and may needs to be with the cat. the housing people are the ah for failing to plan this. not everyone can live with animals, due to allergies, phobias or simply not liking them, so the "random" allocation here was not good enough, they needed to collect information on who was happy to share with a pet.
|
i would question whether this is a legitimate accommodation by the school or if she is making stuff up. most schools don’t allow animals in dorms no matter what, i would ask your roommate for some documentation or something. if the school did permit this, it was on their administration to make sure that the future roommates don’t have allergies. nta.
|
this isn’t up to either of you. you need to contact the college. the college assigned your living situation so they should handle any issues. she can’t just find a new dorm. her id won’t let her into a dorm that isn’t hers. if you have a cat living there and you’re not supposed to you might all get in trouble.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null | 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok so- it’s my sophomore year of college and i was randomly assigned roommates. it’s a suite style living situation, three roommates, including me, and once being assigned, we all reached out to each other on email and started talking. once we started talking about everything, my direct roommate, may, told us she will be having a cat in the dorm as her emotional support animal. we were not informed of this by our college that there would be a cat in our room. i personally have a minor cat allergy and a strong aversion to smells- i.e litter boxes. i was too nervous to say anything at first and me and my other roommate, lea, responded with “aw how cute!” and the sorts. eventually we were talking about concerns a few days later and lea admitted she had a minor cat allergy but downplayed it. i then felt confident enough to admit that i am also allergic and not comfortable with the scent. may insisted it wouldn’t smell and that she’s had people with allergies be around her cat before and theyre fine. i was pretty frustrated and decided i wouldn’t spend the whole year uncomfortable so i told her if both her roommates can’t live with a cat , she should probably reach out to housing and find another dorm. she basically said i was undermining her mental health issues and she needs this cat and shouldn’t be the one to change dorms. i said hell it’s an emotional support animal not a service dog. she then called me ableist. i feel like shit but i’m not spending the whole year uncomfy.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok so- it’s my sophomore year of college and i was randomly assigned roommates. it’s a suite style living situation, three roommates, including me, and once being assigned, we all reached out to each other on email and started talking. once we started talking about everything, my direct roommate, may, told us she will be having a cat in the dorm as her emotional support animal. we were not informed of this by our college that there would be a cat in our room. i personally have a minor cat allergy and a strong aversion to smells- i.e litter boxes. i was too nervous to say anything at first and me and my other roommate, lea, responded with “aw how cute!” and the sorts. eventually we were talking about concerns a few days later and lea admitted she had a minor cat allergy but downplayed it. i then felt confident enough to admit that i am also allergic and not comfortable with the scent. may insisted it wouldn’t smell and that she’s had people with allergies be around her cat before and theyre fine. i was pretty frustrated and decided i wouldn’t spend the whole year uncomfortable so i told her if both her roommates can’t live with a cat , she should probably reach out to housing and find another dorm. she basically said i was undermining her mental health issues and she needs this cat and shouldn’t be the one to change dorms. i said hell it’s an emotional support animal not a service dog. she then called me ableist. i feel like shit but i’m not spending the whole year uncomfy. [/INST] nta. she can't claim you're "undermining" her mental health when she's doing the exact same thing to your and your other roomie's physical health. she needs to find new living arrangements </s>
|
AITA for refusing to accept my mom's apology after she said my kids ruined everything?
|
my wife and i have two children, a boy who is 4 and a girl who is 2. growing up i was very close to my mom, but my wife and her have always had some issues, nothing major but they both feel awkward around each other, so that somewhat limited contact. then when our kids came, my mom just wasn't interested. this led to us spending a lot more time with my in laws which i think makes my mom jealous but she would rather die than admit that.
to be honest i'm not hugely fond of my in laws, but they are loving involved grandparents. it is actually pretty hard on me, but i have to do what is best for my kids. one thing i know my mom finds unfair is that we spend all holidays with my in laws, but holidays at her house are just not child friendly. i've even told her that i'm just doing it for the kids and i miss her.
anyway we got together recently and had dinner at my mom's house. she made some chicken stir fry. my kids aren't too picky, but this had sriracha. i'll give her the benefit of the doubt, because she would have eaten it as a kid and so would i, but my kids have more normal taste buds. my wife got a little annoyed and asked if she had made anything else for the kids. my mom also got an attitude and said that she isn't responsible for feeding our kids and if they are picky we could have brought something. at this point my wife wanted to go and my kids were hungry.
my mom said we could look through her kitchen and try and find something, but it wasn't her job. her husband then got pissy about don't touch certain stuff because it is his. now i could see my wife getting frustrated and didn't want a fight to break out. i said we had to go, and that i'm really sorry but the kids need to eat. i even asked if i could take some with me as her cooking is bomb. i said we could try to get together next week.
my mom snapped back "i don't know why we keep trying. like i miss you too, but you have kids and that just ruins it." i literally saw red and i felt my wife tense up next to me. i asked her to take them to the car and she did, and i demanded to know what that meant. my mom said she just feels like our relationship is totally fake now a days and the kids make everything complicated and she wishes she could just see me occasionally.
i told her i was leaving and not in a state to talk about it. she did call and apologize for her "wording" but i told her i am too mad to forgive her and apology not accepted. now everyone is taking her side and calling me an asshole, and saying this is why the relationship is so awkward and fake because i can't even handle a genuine conversation. i just feel so hurt and angry that someone could even think that about my kids.
edit to clear some stuff up. this is not one of those emotional incest situations. my mother has never liked children (except me) and really doesn't want that much time. she has always had a lot going on and is cool with catching up once a month. the issue with that is she only wants to do it one on one, but there is no enmeshment. she's always encouraged me to have a lot of independence
| 486 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yf2zfn/aita_for_refusing_to_accept_my_moms_apology_after/
|
2022-10-27 20:50:12
|
nta- what kind of grandma says her grandkids "ruined everything"?!
op, i'm amazed if you came out as a somewhat decent human being considering your mother doesn't seem to have any interest in children whatsoever.
did she think that she's the only one who's allowed to have kids?
|
nta. your kids are 4 and 2. normal people, when inviting a 4 and 2 year old to dinner, check with their parents about what they eat. particularly if they were proposing to make something spicy.
your mom doesn't like kids, and doesn't want a relationship with yours.
|
nta. your mom definitely told her side of the story to people, not the true side.
|
nta.
>my mom said we could look through her kitchen and try and find something, but it wasn't her job.
was your mother always a terrible hostess, or is this treatment special for your wife and kids?
sounds like she never expected to have to "share" you and is acting like a spoiled brat. it's unfortunate, because your kids already know that grandma parsnip doesn't like them, and will only grow more distant as time goes on. as your mother gets older and you have less time to spend with her one-on-one, that resentment is just going to grow, making the times you do spend together tense and unpleasant, causing a feedback loop that isolates her further from your family.
because she isn't willing to work with you at all, it's up to you to decide what kind of relationship you are going to have and you should make sure she understands that this is an you are doing. that you will give her one day a month (or whatever) to spend time with you, but that's it. you aren't sacrificing your family because her heart's too small to fit anyone else, and you love your family too much to do that to them. i'm sorry you're in this position. it sucks.
|
> my mom also got an attitude and said that she isn't responsible for feeding our kids and if they are picky we could have brought something.
um, if you invite people around for a meal, you jolly well *are* responsible for feeding them. it does not take a certified genius to be aware that 2- and 4-year olds are unlikely to have a palate that appreciates spicy food.
for being a grandmother who invites her family around, and then makes her grandkids positively unwelcome, she's the ah without even going into any of the other nonsense she came out with.
nta.
|
nta
your mom is wrong. don't make your kids spend time with her. speak to a therapist. maybe have some contact just between you and your mom but realize that this is just who she is.
|
nta. i hate kids, i do, i want nothing to do with them, be near them. i do however, understand that children deserve the best care and kindness. she said that, with your children in the room??? oh hell no, hell, no. honestly you should be proud of your wife for not ripping her a new one, she's got more self control than i would. you are a father above anything else now, she should know the feeling. if i had to guess the fact that you are more than just "her son" now is pissing her off, so she's taking it out on your kids. your kids are apart of you, so if she doesn't like them, she doesn't like you. op really think, would you forgive this behavior if it was anyone other than her? if the answer is no, doesn't that almost make it worse? shouldn't a mother be the first person in your corner?
|
nta. it sounds like your mom never willingly “shared” you and sees your kids as obstacles in her relationship with you. this is not a healthy dynamic. everyone who is taking her side either doesn’t see the dynamic, or, is fine with it (which tells me they have a broken normal meter). i’m sorry she isn’t willing to accept that you have other people in your life.
|
do you spend any time alone with your parents? you're aware she doesn't like kids (odd but ok whatever) so with this info do you insist on always bringing your kids and wife? can you maybe do lunch solo with her?
nah-i only like my kids nobody else's
|
esh. i don’t understand why you can’t just go spend time with her sometimes… she’s being awful about your kids and wife, obviously, but like, why has one on one time not been an option before now? you miss her, she misses you, there are regular trips to your in-laws house … is there a reason?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
ESH
| 0.032022 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have two children, a boy who is 4 and a girl who is 2. growing up i was very close to my mom, but my wife and her have always had some issues, nothing major but they both feel awkward around each other, so that somewhat limited contact. then when our kids came, my mom just wasn't interested. this led to us spending a lot more time with my in laws which i think makes my mom jealous but she would rather die than admit that. to be honest i'm not hugely fond of my in laws, but they are loving involved grandparents. it is actually pretty hard on me, but i have to do what is best for my kids. one thing i know my mom finds unfair is that we spend all holidays with my in laws, but holidays at her house are just not child friendly. i've even told her that i'm just doing it for the kids and i miss her. anyway we got together recently and had dinner at my mom's house. she made some chicken stir fry. my kids aren't too picky, but this had sriracha. i'll give her the benefit of the doubt, because she would have eaten it as a kid and so would i, but my kids have more normal taste buds. my wife got a little annoyed and asked if she had made anything else for the kids. my mom also got an attitude and said that she isn't responsible for feeding our kids and if they are picky we could have brought something. at this point my wife wanted to go and my kids were hungry. my mom said we could look through her kitchen and try and find something, but it wasn't her job. her husband then got pissy about don't touch certain stuff because it is his. now i could see my wife getting frustrated and didn't want a fight to break out. i said we had to go, and that i'm really sorry but the kids need to eat. i even asked if i could take some with me as her cooking is bomb. i said we could try to get together next week. my mom snapped back "i don't know why we keep trying. like i miss you too, but you have kids and that just ruins it." i literally saw red and i felt my wife tense up next to me. i asked her to take them to the car and she did, and i demanded to know what that meant. my mom said she just feels like our relationship is totally fake now a days and the kids make everything complicated and she wishes she could just see me occasionally. i told her i was leaving and not in a state to talk about it. she did call and apologize for her "wording" but i told her i am too mad to forgive her and apology not accepted. now everyone is taking her side and calling me an asshole, and saying this is why the relationship is so awkward and fake because i can't even handle a genuine conversation. i just feel so hurt and angry that someone could even think that about my kids. edit to clear some stuff up. this is not one of those emotional incest situations. my mother has never liked children (except me) and really doesn't want that much time. she has always had a lot going on and is cool with catching up once a month. the issue with that is she only wants to do it one on one, but there is no enmeshment. she's always encouraged me to have a lot of independence
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have two children, a boy who is 4 and a girl who is 2. growing up i was very close to my mom, but my wife and her have always had some issues, nothing major but they both feel awkward around each other, so that somewhat limited contact. then when our kids came, my mom just wasn't interested. this led to us spending a lot more time with my in laws which i think makes my mom jealous but she would rather die than admit that. to be honest i'm not hugely fond of my in laws, but they are loving involved grandparents. it is actually pretty hard on me, but i have to do what is best for my kids. one thing i know my mom finds unfair is that we spend all holidays with my in laws, but holidays at her house are just not child friendly. i've even told her that i'm just doing it for the kids and i miss her. anyway we got together recently and had dinner at my mom's house. she made some chicken stir fry. my kids aren't too picky, but this had sriracha. i'll give her the benefit of the doubt, because she would have eaten it as a kid and so would i, but my kids have more normal taste buds. my wife got a little annoyed and asked if she had made anything else for the kids. my mom also got an attitude and said that she isn't responsible for feeding our kids and if they are picky we could have brought something. at this point my wife wanted to go and my kids were hungry. my mom said we could look through her kitchen and try and find something, but it wasn't her job. her husband then got pissy about don't touch certain stuff because it is his. now i could see my wife getting frustrated and didn't want a fight to break out. i said we had to go, and that i'm really sorry but the kids need to eat. i even asked if i could take some with me as her cooking is bomb. i said we could try to get together next week. my mom snapped back "i don't know why we keep trying. like i miss you too, but you have kids and that just ruins it." i literally saw red and i felt my wife tense up next to me. i asked her to take them to the car and she did, and i demanded to know what that meant. my mom said she just feels like our relationship is totally fake now a days and the kids make everything complicated and she wishes she could just see me occasionally. i told her i was leaving and not in a state to talk about it. she did call and apologize for her "wording" but i told her i am too mad to forgive her and apology not accepted. now everyone is taking her side and calling me an asshole, and saying this is why the relationship is so awkward and fake because i can't even handle a genuine conversation. i just feel so hurt and angry that someone could even think that about my kids. edit to clear some stuff up. this is not one of those emotional incest situations. my mother has never liked children (except me) and really doesn't want that much time. she has always had a lot going on and is cool with catching up once a month. the issue with that is she only wants to do it one on one, but there is no enmeshment. she's always encouraged me to have a lot of independence [/INST] nta- what kind of grandma says her grandkids "ruined everything"?! op, i'm amazed if you came out as a somewhat decent human being considering your mother doesn't seem to have any interest in children whatsoever. did she think that she's the only one who's allowed to have kids? </s>
|
WIBTA for not sending my step-son to his bio-mom's wedding?
|
my step son is 13. he has lived with my husband and i since he was 6. before that he "lived" with his biological mother, if you could even call it that. she was neglectful. her apartment was so disgusting that you could smell it from down the hall. mostly she would drop him at our place and pick him up 2 weeks later after many, many excuses about why she couldn't pick him up when she was supposed to, only to drop him off 2 days later. rinse and repeat for about 3 years.
the year he turned 6, she moved him across the country with no notice. we did our best to keep in touch with him and when we found out she hadn't put him in school yet because "he needs shots and i can't afford them." we were livid. he had medical insurance which would have covered any shots he needed. she just didn't want to put in the time to take him to the doctor. my husband hounded her until she decided to send him back to live with us full time. she moved him away in july. he was back with us and in school by november of the same year. we have had him ever since.
this woman has had nearly zero communication with him since then. there was one spring break that she had him come visit and one phone call a few months after that, and both of those were when he was 6. he has not talked to her since then. we send pictures and updates about every 3 months but she never comments on them or asks to talk to him. we have asked him and he said he barely remembers her.
now suddenly, out of the blue, she wants him to come to her wedding this april. she's upset that we will not send "her child" across the country to a place full of strangers for a week. especially since we will be on our own vacation for spring break that same week, which we've had planned for months.
would we be the assholes for not sending him to her wedding?
edit 1: yes. we've asked him. he doesn't want to go to her wedding because he doesn't know her. she is a stranger to him.
edit 2: holy buckets. thank you everyone for being so helpful! i spoke to my husband about a custody agreement and he agreed we needed to have one set up. we never did before because we honestly couldn't afford to pay a lawyer. we are on a better place financially now and he thinks getting a solid agreement is the best for his son. thank you so much!
| 2,745 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lb1jft/wibta_for_not_sending_my_stepson_to_his_biomoms/
|
2021-02-02 17:41:59
|
nta: she's not looking for a relationship with her son, she's looking for a show piece for her wedding so she can pretend she's not a terrible mother. enjoy your trip with your family and ignore her.
|
nta. she just wants to show him off. go on your family vacation and ignore her.
|
nta. she's looking for a wedding centerpiece, not a relationship with her kid. i would probably ask him what he thinks about going while not laying all your cards on the table for him.
if he were to go out there, he's still young enough he would be very hopeful this was a start to a relationship with his mom. adults know better and you could argue it would be worse for him when it falls apart.
|
assuming this is in the united states, you should absolutely not sent your child across the country to a wedding during a pandemic. nta
|
nta
- there’s a pandemic on
- he doesn’t want to go
- she can’t be trusted with a minor
- does she actually want a relationship with him or is he just a wedding accessory for her?
|
nta - i'm glad to read that you don't want to send him. you've been protecting him from her for years, don't stop now.
i hope you have a super family vacation.
|
what does the custody agreement decree
at the end of the day, ask your step son what he wants. at 13, he can make that decision.
just be there for him if/when she breaks his heart if he decides to go.
be careful about travel in general.
|
nta. he doesn't want to go, end of story. she will now reap what she sowed.
|
nta - but maybe ask your step son if he wants contact to his mother? and look what the costudy says.
|
for this situation nta because she's expecting a ridiculous amount of rearranging on her behalf. like, if she's expecting him to come across the country for a whole week, why did she only give you two months notice? usually wedding invites and rsvps are done with much more runway. also, you mention he'd be by himself. he's 13 and he shouldn't have to be by himself for a week in a place he's unfamiliar with.
~~she's still his mother though, and if he wants for her to be in his life, he should be able to have that. is it not possible for her wedding party to set up an ipad for your son to livestream the ceremony and congratulate her?~~
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my step son is 13. he has lived with my husband and i since he was 6. before that he "lived" with his biological mother, if you could even call it that. she was neglectful. her apartment was so disgusting that you could smell it from down the hall. mostly she would drop him at our place and pick him up 2 weeks later after many, many excuses about why she couldn't pick him up when she was supposed to, only to drop him off 2 days later. rinse and repeat for about 3 years. the year he turned 6, she moved him across the country with no notice. we did our best to keep in touch with him and when we found out she hadn't put him in school yet because "he needs shots and i can't afford them." we were livid. he had medical insurance which would have covered any shots he needed. she just didn't want to put in the time to take him to the doctor. my husband hounded her until she decided to send him back to live with us full time. she moved him away in july. he was back with us and in school by november of the same year. we have had him ever since. this woman has had nearly zero communication with him since then. there was one spring break that she had him come visit and one phone call a few months after that, and both of those were when he was 6. he has not talked to her since then. we send pictures and updates about every 3 months but she never comments on them or asks to talk to him. we have asked him and he said he barely remembers her. now suddenly, out of the blue, she wants him to come to her wedding this april. she's upset that we will not send "her child" across the country to a place full of strangers for a week. especially since we will be on our own vacation for spring break that same week, which we've had planned for months. would we be the assholes for not sending him to her wedding? edit 1: yes. we've asked him. he doesn't want to go to her wedding because he doesn't know her. she is a stranger to him. edit 2: holy buckets. thank you everyone for being so helpful! i spoke to my husband about a custody agreement and he agreed we needed to have one set up. we never did before because we honestly couldn't afford to pay a lawyer. we are on a better place financially now and he thinks getting a solid agreement is the best for his son. thank you so much!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my step son is 13. he has lived with my husband and i since he was 6. before that he "lived" with his biological mother, if you could even call it that. she was neglectful. her apartment was so disgusting that you could smell it from down the hall. mostly she would drop him at our place and pick him up 2 weeks later after many, many excuses about why she couldn't pick him up when she was supposed to, only to drop him off 2 days later. rinse and repeat for about 3 years. the year he turned 6, she moved him across the country with no notice. we did our best to keep in touch with him and when we found out she hadn't put him in school yet because "he needs shots and i can't afford them." we were livid. he had medical insurance which would have covered any shots he needed. she just didn't want to put in the time to take him to the doctor. my husband hounded her until she decided to send him back to live with us full time. she moved him away in july. he was back with us and in school by november of the same year. we have had him ever since. this woman has had nearly zero communication with him since then. there was one spring break that she had him come visit and one phone call a few months after that, and both of those were when he was 6. he has not talked to her since then. we send pictures and updates about every 3 months but she never comments on them or asks to talk to him. we have asked him and he said he barely remembers her. now suddenly, out of the blue, she wants him to come to her wedding this april. she's upset that we will not send "her child" across the country to a place full of strangers for a week. especially since we will be on our own vacation for spring break that same week, which we've had planned for months. would we be the assholes for not sending him to her wedding? edit 1: yes. we've asked him. he doesn't want to go to her wedding because he doesn't know her. she is a stranger to him. edit 2: holy buckets. thank you everyone for being so helpful! i spoke to my husband about a custody agreement and he agreed we needed to have one set up. we never did before because we honestly couldn't afford to pay a lawyer. we are on a better place financially now and he thinks getting a solid agreement is the best for his son. thank you so much! [/INST] nta: she's not looking for a relationship with her son, she's looking for a show piece for her wedding so she can pretend she's not a terrible mother. enjoy your trip with your family and ignore her. </s>
|
AITA For not feeding my SO
|
throwaway because who wants to face consequences? also mobile, so, apologies.
| 233 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pyjovb/aita_for_not_feeding_my_so/
|
2021-09-30 13:23:35
|
nta. she is a functioning adult and presumably so are you. she is capable of making dinner herself or at least inquiring about it. she also shouldn’t treat you like a child and asking if your chores are done.
|
nta. your gf is a grown woman who can
1.go into the kitchen and make something
2. order food
3. either a or b
if she has time to stream, she has time to figure out what she wants. also, what is disgusting is the fact that she narcissisticly is upset with you for not telling how you feel. this sounds entitled, childish and just manipulative
|
nta. why on earth is your wife being an asshole to you right off the bat? that whole "i assume" message just reeks of weird guilt tripping, disrespect, and is just rude. you already did housework, and took care of the dogs, and got her "a bite to eat" - why's she mad over you gaming for an hour? and then she gets mad, because you didn't inform her fast enough that you were feeling crummy?
these are not normal, caring, reactions/responses.
|
info: why do you and your wife not split the cooking and chores 50/50 if you're both contributing equally financially?
|
op after reading many of your responses... why are you with someone that clearly contributes nothing to your relationship, lifestyle, or well being? if you want someone around the house who streams, sleeps all hours because of "insomnia," has issues, can't cook or clean, and is a picky eater, and is demanding... i will give you one of my teenagers!
i am sure in your head is the "but, i love her." yeah
... you can also find someone to love that works, cooks, cleans, isn't picky, supports you, and develops a partnership vs a parentship!
nta
|
info: is it agreed that you are the meal prepper of the household? the timing is confusing as well because you get home, get a bite for the wife, and it’s 8. is this just the usual schedule for you except on the day in question or?
|
nta, unless there was some agreement that you would organise dinner, you are both grown adults who can feed yourselves as required.
|
what does she do in the relationship? you do housework. work & cook dinner?
|
nta, some days are like that. i’ll admit i’m a picky eater too, but i always keep a few frozen meals, canned soup, bread and the fixings for pbjs or grilled cheese. something simple after a tough day is kind of soothing to me.
|
info: does she have a full time job? and is dinner supposed to be your responsibility?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.052378 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because who wants to face consequences? also mobile, so, apologies.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because who wants to face consequences? also mobile, so, apologies. [/INST] nta. she is a functioning adult and presumably so are you. she is capable of making dinner herself or at least inquiring about it. she also shouldn’t treat you like a child and asking if your chores are done. </s>
|
AITA for not donating any of my hair?
|
i (19f) have a little over three feet of hair. it's naturally on the thin side, but i've been taking good care of it so there's no breakage or heat damage. people ask about it occasionally, but usually they're just curious how/why i've grown it so long. (to answer, in case anyone is curious: i don't rinse out my conditioner all the way and i manually detangle every knot instead of ripping through them with a brush, and i just like having long hair. it's not religion-related or anything.)
i do have one person in my life, though, who i'll call r (20f). she has a much younger sister, e (8f) who has alopecia and is very insecure about being bald. their family doesn't have much money and can't afford a wig that e can wear, since she also has allergies to one of the main ingredients in synthetic wigs. r told me about a week ago that she contacted a wig-making place who said they could provide a big discount if the family could provide the hair themselves. she asked me to donate my hair, and i said no. she wasn't initially upset and didn't press me at first – i don't think she expected me to say yes right away – but she has become steadily more persistent over the past few days. she keeps calling me selfish, saying i "wouldn't even miss it," and that i "don't need it" since i'm not growing my hair for religious reasons. i absolutely would miss it, since they would need about 16 inches for a full wig because my hair is so thin. i also have psoriasis, so i'm a little irrationally attached to my long pretty hair because my scalp is so gross. r asked again tonight, so i told her my reasons. she snapped. she told me that how much i love my hair should show me just how insecure e is without any hair at all, and that it would make it a really meaningful gift. i also found out tonight that she already told e i would be giving her my hair, so she said i'd be breaking e's heart if i "went back on it now," even though – again – i never said yes.
r just left furiously, and now i'm wondering if i'm wrong here. i'm pretty confident that what she did is a huge dick move, so i'm not asking about that. but i can't really argue with her assertion that i don't need it. is it selfish of me not to donate my hair when her sister doesn't have any?
\---
edit –
| 5,813 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jqtwwn/aita_for_not_donating_any_of_my_hair/
|
2020-11-09 08:22:41
|
nta. she can grow her own hair out for her sister, and it's incredibly cheeky for her to be telling you she already told her sister yes. _she_ is breaking her sister's heart, not you.
|
nta. it’s your hair. it’s literally part of your body and attached to you. you are not responsible for r’s lies or for r’s sister. if r asks again, be very clear (in writing) that harassing someone to donate part of their body is illegal. that it needs to stop immediately or legal action will be taken. i’d also never sleep in the same house as r, in case she decides to steal from you.
|
nta
it is not a significant gift if you are being forced to give it. i could donate everything i own to a worthwhile charity and be seen as a truly gifted person... but if someone forced me to do it, it would be wrong.
you should honestly end your friendship with r. cut her out, block her on social media, and just drop her.
|
nta. it's your hair. they're just using you as "family". they can probably pay the whole amount but it's just that they want a free discount.
|
my niece has alopecia. she’s 10. rarely wears a wig because she says superheroes don’t need capes so she doesn’t need a wig.
|
nta: i’ve had very long hair for the majority of my life. i can sit on mine, and unlike yours it’s incredibly thick. i’ve been asked many times about donating my hair. i’ve had people outright demand i do so. i’ll tell you what i told them. it’s my body. nobody is entitled to anything it produces and if they want to donate hair so bad then they can grow theirs out and do so themselves.
|
nta
it's your hair. i am under the impression that it takes more than one person's hair to make a wig anyway, i think generally it takes about 3 people's hair.
there are charities out there that will provide wigs for children who have lost their hair due to illness, like the little princess trust. maybe your friend could look for help from there instead.
|
it's like a million dumb people read "rainbow fish" as kids and took away the message that anything nice they see someone else in possession of should be given away immediately. fuck that, i like me how i am.
if she had to be the one to take back her generous gift of your dead keratin, well, sucks to suck.
nta.
|
nta: it's literally a part of your body and it's your choice!
i used to have long long hair, and i got so tired of every stranger telling me what i should do with it, like i was selfish for having hair at all...it's my body and i don't know why people feel entitled to part of it.
|
nta. bodily autonomy includes hair. you're not selfish for wanting to keep the hair.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (19f) have a little over three feet of hair. it's naturally on the thin side, but i've been taking good care of it so there's no breakage or heat damage. people ask about it occasionally, but usually they're just curious how/why i've grown it so long. (to answer, in case anyone is curious: i don't rinse out my conditioner all the way and i manually detangle every knot instead of ripping through them with a brush, and i just like having long hair. it's not religion-related or anything.) i do have one person in my life, though, who i'll call r (20f). she has a much younger sister, e (8f) who has alopecia and is very insecure about being bald. their family doesn't have much money and can't afford a wig that e can wear, since she also has allergies to one of the main ingredients in synthetic wigs. r told me about a week ago that she contacted a wig-making place who said they could provide a big discount if the family could provide the hair themselves. she asked me to donate my hair, and i said no. she wasn't initially upset and didn't press me at first – i don't think she expected me to say yes right away – but she has become steadily more persistent over the past few days. she keeps calling me selfish, saying i "wouldn't even miss it," and that i "don't need it" since i'm not growing my hair for religious reasons. i absolutely would miss it, since they would need about 16 inches for a full wig because my hair is so thin. i also have psoriasis, so i'm a little irrationally attached to my long pretty hair because my scalp is so gross. r asked again tonight, so i told her my reasons. she snapped. she told me that how much i love my hair should show me just how insecure e is without any hair at all, and that it would make it a really meaningful gift. i also found out tonight that she already told e i would be giving her my hair, so she said i'd be breaking e's heart if i "went back on it now," even though – again – i never said yes. r just left furiously, and now i'm wondering if i'm wrong here. i'm pretty confident that what she did is a huge dick move, so i'm not asking about that. but i can't really argue with her assertion that i don't need it. is it selfish of me not to donate my hair when her sister doesn't have any? \--- edit –
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (19f) have a little over three feet of hair. it's naturally on the thin side, but i've been taking good care of it so there's no breakage or heat damage. people ask about it occasionally, but usually they're just curious how/why i've grown it so long. (to answer, in case anyone is curious: i don't rinse out my conditioner all the way and i manually detangle every knot instead of ripping through them with a brush, and i just like having long hair. it's not religion-related or anything.) i do have one person in my life, though, who i'll call r (20f). she has a much younger sister, e (8f) who has alopecia and is very insecure about being bald. their family doesn't have much money and can't afford a wig that e can wear, since she also has allergies to one of the main ingredients in synthetic wigs. r told me about a week ago that she contacted a wig-making place who said they could provide a big discount if the family could provide the hair themselves. she asked me to donate my hair, and i said no. she wasn't initially upset and didn't press me at first – i don't think she expected me to say yes right away – but she has become steadily more persistent over the past few days. she keeps calling me selfish, saying i "wouldn't even miss it," and that i "don't need it" since i'm not growing my hair for religious reasons. i absolutely would miss it, since they would need about 16 inches for a full wig because my hair is so thin. i also have psoriasis, so i'm a little irrationally attached to my long pretty hair because my scalp is so gross. r asked again tonight, so i told her my reasons. she snapped. she told me that how much i love my hair should show me just how insecure e is without any hair at all, and that it would make it a really meaningful gift. i also found out tonight that she already told e i would be giving her my hair, so she said i'd be breaking e's heart if i "went back on it now," even though – again – i never said yes. r just left furiously, and now i'm wondering if i'm wrong here. i'm pretty confident that what she did is a huge dick move, so i'm not asking about that. but i can't really argue with her assertion that i don't need it. is it selfish of me not to donate my hair when her sister doesn't have any? \--- edit – [/INST] nta. she can grow her own hair out for her sister, and it's incredibly cheeky for her to be telling you she already told her sister yes. _she_ is breaking her sister's heart, not you. </s>
|
AITA for identifying as a lesbian when my partner is non binary?
|
i need an outside perspective on this because we have reached an impasse. my partner is a biological female who identifies as nonbinary. we have gotten into countless arguments about it. as i have explained to them, as non pc as this sounds, i am attracted to their *sex*, not their *gender*. they are pushing me to identify as pansexual and i am not comfortable with this. i am only sexually attracted to female bodied individuals, i am not pansexual in any way and told them, "look, i do find you aesthetically pleasing, but if you lacked female sex characteristics and genitals, it would have been a deal breaker. we could be friends, but that is it." this drives them up the wall.
i honestly don't know if i am the asshole here, or not. this whole thing makes me feel crazy and i'm beginning to rethink dating this person.
**edit** i am breaking up with them. the more i think about it and with some of these comments that scream homophobia, i have decided this is all very silly. i have been an open lesbian for almost 7 years, long before i met my partner. they knew what times it was before we even started dating, i have never tried to diminish or mislead anyone about who i am. it just doesn't sit right with me that they are making these demands when they were well aware i was a lesbian when we got together. oh well. 🤷♀️
| 1,121 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/buiz9h/aita_for_identifying_as_a_lesbian_when_my_partner/
|
2019-05-29 19:26:09
|
nta. you are perfectly fine being attracted to who/what you are attracted to. i think your partner's issue is that your attraction doesn't comport with how they self identify which is concerning to them. basically, what you like about them isn't aligned with how they see theirself, so i think viewed that way their concern is pretty natural and reasonable. i don't think anyone is wrong, but i also don't see an issue with no longer dating someone you no longer want to even if the reason is they are not satisfied with your answer of why you are attracted to them.
|
nta they're trying to impose their gender and sexuality ideals on you. which is deeply fucked up.
|
nta.
your sexuality is defined by you. no one else.
by attempting to dictate how you define your sexuality, your partner is attempting to control your sexual identity. that your partner gets upset about how *you* identify is strange and makes them ta.
|
nah. you’re not crazy or an asshole. how you define/label your sexuality is up to you and you alone. imo i don’t see why “lesbian,” as an identity, can’t also include women who are attracted to nonbinary afab people.
i can understand why your partner is upset; the way they see it, you being a lesbian necessarily defines them as a woman. but it sounds like you have made it clear that you don’t feel that way — you accept them as nonbinary, but you acknowledge that you are attracted to people with vaginas/breasts/etc. regardless of their gender, and within those parameters you still feel most comfortable identifying as a lesbian. i think if they can’t accept this, it makes sense to break up.
|
this sounds like a situation where you two just aren't meant to be a couple. fundamental differences of opinion on something very central to your identities.
i think it is 100% possible to identify as a lesbian and date someone non-binary. i would, and i know couples that fit that description. but i also respect that for your partner the implication when you say "lesbian" is that they are a woman, which makes them uncomfortable, and that a focus on their genitals doesn't feel good to them. that's a perfectly valid way to feel. so, to this point i think everyone's right and just not a match for each other.
the only reason i say nta rather than no assholes, is that it's a real asshole move to tell you how to define your sexuality.
|
nta. they are being really petty. stuff like this won’t go away and if they are willing to fight over something like this, who knows what will happen in the future.
|
nta. oh boy (not punny), this is quite a conundrum. you can’t express how you identify without your partner feeling invalidated about their own identity, and vice-versa. i would back away from the labels for a little while and ask if they feel invalidated in other ways in the relationship. or, there may be outside pressures surrounding identity that your partner forces into the microcosm of your relationship. good luck.
|
nta.
also, i find it ironic that the harder we've tried, as a species, to not define something, that in the process, we've simply created more and more and more labels. and some of us are letting the labels stand in the way of loving someone and enjoying their company and the physical/sexuality of being with them.
in attempting to try to shatter the thing that stood in the way of loving someone regardless of their biological sex (defining morally correct relationships) we've created a whole new pile of crap to get in the way.
it's sad we can't stop trying to hang labels on one another.
|
nta. this is coming from the perspective of a nb person who is biologically female btw. you are attracted to the female sex and there is nothing wrong with that. your partner is still biologically female and that is one part of them that you are attracted to.
do not let people force labels on to you to make themselves feel better. you are a lesbian and no matter what they say, it wont change the fact you have no attraction to male genitalia.
|
you're nta for knowing what you're attracted to.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i need an outside perspective on this because we have reached an impasse. my partner is a biological female who identifies as nonbinary. we have gotten into countless arguments about it. as i have explained to them, as non pc as this sounds, i am attracted to their *sex*, not their *gender*. they are pushing me to identify as pansexual and i am not comfortable with this. i am only sexually attracted to female bodied individuals, i am not pansexual in any way and told them, "look, i do find you aesthetically pleasing, but if you lacked female sex characteristics and genitals, it would have been a deal breaker. we could be friends, but that is it." this drives them up the wall. i honestly don't know if i am the asshole here, or not. this whole thing makes me feel crazy and i'm beginning to rethink dating this person. **edit** i am breaking up with them. the more i think about it and with some of these comments that scream homophobia, i have decided this is all very silly. i have been an open lesbian for almost 7 years, long before i met my partner. they knew what times it was before we even started dating, i have never tried to diminish or mislead anyone about who i am. it just doesn't sit right with me that they are making these demands when they were well aware i was a lesbian when we got together. oh well. 🤷♀️
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i need an outside perspective on this because we have reached an impasse. my partner is a biological female who identifies as nonbinary. we have gotten into countless arguments about it. as i have explained to them, as non pc as this sounds, i am attracted to their *sex*, not their *gender*. they are pushing me to identify as pansexual and i am not comfortable with this. i am only sexually attracted to female bodied individuals, i am not pansexual in any way and told them, "look, i do find you aesthetically pleasing, but if you lacked female sex characteristics and genitals, it would have been a deal breaker. we could be friends, but that is it." this drives them up the wall. i honestly don't know if i am the asshole here, or not. this whole thing makes me feel crazy and i'm beginning to rethink dating this person. **edit** i am breaking up with them. the more i think about it and with some of these comments that scream homophobia, i have decided this is all very silly. i have been an open lesbian for almost 7 years, long before i met my partner. they knew what times it was before we even started dating, i have never tried to diminish or mislead anyone about who i am. it just doesn't sit right with me that they are making these demands when they were well aware i was a lesbian when we got together. oh well. 🤷♀️ [/INST] nta. you are perfectly fine being attracted to who/what you are attracted to. i think your partner's issue is that your attraction doesn't comport with how they self identify which is concerning to them. basically, what you like about them isn't aligned with how they see theirself, so i think viewed that way their concern is pretty natural and reasonable. i don't think anyone is wrong, but i also don't see an issue with no longer dating someone you no longer want to even if the reason is they are not satisfied with your answer of why you are attracted to them. </s>
|
AITA? I made my mother cry all night on my 18th birthday.
|
so, the months approaching my birthday, my two best friends(18 m) and i(18 f) were never really able to hang out together. we tried several times but work kept getting in the way. we are recently graduated from high school and we have been working hard all summer at our jobs. well, my birthday soon arrived and my friend(the other friend couldn't make it) wanted to make up the amount of time lost over the past few months so he invited me out to go longboarding around town with him and one other friend who live in town and just catch up. as the night went on, i invited someone(non-binary) i had been talking to in a romantic sense for about a month now. they made the drive from three towns over just to make it there. we all had a really good time together, probably one of the best birthdays i've had in a long while.
as the night came to a close however, my friends went home, leaving me and that special person alone. i'll spare the details but we ended up falling asleep in the backseat of thier car down by the lake. i woke up to several angry texts from my parents and i realized that i had forgotten to text my parents and tell them that i was going out with my friends. apparently they brought home cake and ice cream and my birthday present the night before.
so we rushed back to my house and went back inside after saying goodbye. my dad had also been apparently texting my mom while he was in the house and i got several more paragraphs and at the end she said, " - now you’re laying in the backseat of a car with another girl, that’s not quite normal. that’s my issue."
my mother then came home later that night, yelling and screaming(though i couldn't make out the words because i didn't want to) she eventually yelled up the stairs and told me, "that girl is not to touch a single blade of grass or rock in this yard ever again." then slammed the door and continued on a homophobic rant. ever since she's been doing nothing but crying. aita?
| 192 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xfesf6/aita_i_made_my_mother_cry_all_night_on_my_18th/
|
2022-09-16 02:14:37
|
nta. also, you didn't make your mother cry, she chose to react her way. you enjoyed your birthday and you are entitled to. sure, it would have been nice to let her know but it's not like you lied to her.
|
nta. you’re an adult now, and your parents are upset that you exercised the autonomy an adult gets to. i really don’t understand the people saying everyone sucks.
|
nta
if your parents wanted you to attend their "party" for you, they need to invite you first. you are an adult and not compelled to be at their house. and you're not expected to read their minds about their plans for you.
but given their disgusting attitudes towards your love interest, i'm not sure why you'd want to celebrate with them anyway.
|
esh. you for not at least letting your parents know you would not be home for your birthday, and your parents for being homophobes. they suck worse than you. you were inconsiderate, they were hateful.
|
nta we've all made the mistake of not texting back our parents or whoever when we're supposed to. and there's nothing wrong with wanting to make up time with buddies. besides...sounds like your mom is mainly upset about you spending time in the back seat with this special buddy. so good luck with that.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.054 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, the months approaching my birthday, my two best friends(18 m) and i(18 f) were never really able to hang out together. we tried several times but work kept getting in the way. we are recently graduated from high school and we have been working hard all summer at our jobs. well, my birthday soon arrived and my friend(the other friend couldn't make it) wanted to make up the amount of time lost over the past few months so he invited me out to go longboarding around town with him and one other friend who live in town and just catch up. as the night went on, i invited someone(non-binary) i had been talking to in a romantic sense for about a month now. they made the drive from three towns over just to make it there. we all had a really good time together, probably one of the best birthdays i've had in a long while. as the night came to a close however, my friends went home, leaving me and that special person alone. i'll spare the details but we ended up falling asleep in the backseat of thier car down by the lake. i woke up to several angry texts from my parents and i realized that i had forgotten to text my parents and tell them that i was going out with my friends. apparently they brought home cake and ice cream and my birthday present the night before. so we rushed back to my house and went back inside after saying goodbye. my dad had also been apparently texting my mom while he was in the house and i got several more paragraphs and at the end she said, " - now you’re laying in the backseat of a car with another girl, that’s not quite normal. that’s my issue." my mother then came home later that night, yelling and screaming(though i couldn't make out the words because i didn't want to) she eventually yelled up the stairs and told me, "that girl is not to touch a single blade of grass or rock in this yard ever again." then slammed the door and continued on a homophobic rant. ever since she's been doing nothing but crying. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, the months approaching my birthday, my two best friends(18 m) and i(18 f) were never really able to hang out together. we tried several times but work kept getting in the way. we are recently graduated from high school and we have been working hard all summer at our jobs. well, my birthday soon arrived and my friend(the other friend couldn't make it) wanted to make up the amount of time lost over the past few months so he invited me out to go longboarding around town with him and one other friend who live in town and just catch up. as the night went on, i invited someone(non-binary) i had been talking to in a romantic sense for about a month now. they made the drive from three towns over just to make it there. we all had a really good time together, probably one of the best birthdays i've had in a long while. as the night came to a close however, my friends went home, leaving me and that special person alone. i'll spare the details but we ended up falling asleep in the backseat of thier car down by the lake. i woke up to several angry texts from my parents and i realized that i had forgotten to text my parents and tell them that i was going out with my friends. apparently they brought home cake and ice cream and my birthday present the night before. so we rushed back to my house and went back inside after saying goodbye. my dad had also been apparently texting my mom while he was in the house and i got several more paragraphs and at the end she said, " - now you’re laying in the backseat of a car with another girl, that’s not quite normal. that’s my issue." my mother then came home later that night, yelling and screaming(though i couldn't make out the words because i didn't want to) she eventually yelled up the stairs and told me, "that girl is not to touch a single blade of grass or rock in this yard ever again." then slammed the door and continued on a homophobic rant. ever since she's been doing nothing but crying. aita? [/INST] nta. also, you didn't make your mother cry, she chose to react her way. you enjoyed your birthday and you are entitled to. sure, it would have been nice to let her know but it's not like you lied to her. </s>
|
AITA for telling my brother and SIL not to have another child?
|
all fake names, on mobile, etc. this actually happened at our family easter, but i wanted to get some outside perspective.
i (31m) went to my brother jacob’s place for easter. his wife kate and daughter aria (3) were of course there, too. to note: aria has down syndrome and she probably won’t be able to live independently. she also has a heart defect.
i always assumed that jacob and kate wouldn’t have more children, as caring for aria is expensive and takes a lot of time. however, jacob and i were smoking on the porch and talking about our gran, who lives in a nursing home. he mentioned how that type of care is super expensive, and how they were trying for another baby to care for aria after they’re gone.
i was pretty shocked and asked him to elaborate. he said it would be cheaper to have another kid instead of saving up hundreds of thousands in a trust for aria’s care.
i told him that was very fucked up and would make the kid feel unwanted. by then, sil had come outside, and she started laying into me. she said i didn’t know what it was to parent a disabled child, and how i shouldn’t judge. she asked me to drop the topic or leave, and so i dropped it and went to play with aria.
did i cross a line? i know how tough my brother and kate have it, but their plan seems unethical af. aita?
| 8,146 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n34c6p/aita_for_telling_my_brother_and_sil_not_to_have/
|
2021-05-02 11:21:37
|
nta tell them they should watch my sisters keeper
|
[removed]
|
nta
sounds like indentured servitude without the agreement part
also any kid brought up with that expectation will resent everyone by some point and probably have a slew of personal issues mental health,trust etc plus they already have 1 kid with life long learning disabilities and physical disabilities what happens if kid no 2 has the same
your brother and sister in law are the kind of people that shouldn't have a dog let alone kids
|
aaand in 16-18 years we will be reading here how *”apparently i was born just because i’m supposed to take care of my sis. and i love her and she’s sweet, like a little kid though, and she’ll always be a little kid, and has physical disabilities too ... and i wanna go to college, and go to europe, and ... i don’t want to already be like a parent for the rest of my life before i’ve even had a life!”*
nta
|
nta
to have another child to care for a previous child is unethical.
similarly the life expectancy of a person with down syndrome is in their 50’s
this is wrong on so many levels. they are welcome to have another child tho, finance / externalities / risk of another child with health conditions permitting. but to have a child for servitude is awful.
|
nta. there is no guarantee that the child will care for their sister.
|
nta
your brother and missus however are not only ah, but quite vile too...who has a kid as a substitute for an insurance policy.
i totally agree, what they're planning is totally unethical.
anyway, what on earth makes them think that any subsequent child would want to be someone's carer. it's as though they think children don't a) have thoughts and feelings of their own and b) grow up
also it shows how dense they are if they think having a child is a cheaper option.
i seriously hope they don't go through with this, i can't imagine what it would be like knowing that your parents only had you as a free carer and expect you not to have a life of your own but devote it to their 'first born'.
|
nta. holy fuck.
your brother and his wife? full blown assholes.
...how much do you really want to stay in contact with them? because people who think "we will manufacture an unpaid carer using human bodies because that's a good financial plan" are generally not the kind of people you can talk back from the precipice and have good, healthful relationships with going forward. i guess the complicating factor is probably wanting to be able to spend time with your niece/keep an eye out for her. sigh.
|
nta - what if that baby has similar or worse issues? what if that baby grows resentful? what if. it’s disgusting to bring a child into the world for the sole purpose of caring for their elder disabled sibling.
|
i can relate to this, i have a 9 year old who is nonverbal on the autism spectrum. he will never live independently. when he was about 3 my husband started talking about us having another child (we had always planned on 2-3) but after the diagnosis i said no. my husband’s reasoning was that our son will need someone to care for him after we are gone.
it took awhile but i explained exactly how wrong of a reason that is to bring another person into the world. we haven’t had any other children and we won’t, my life is dedicated to my child and plans for him after i’m gone are being made.
you are nta
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: all fake names, on mobile, etc. this actually happened at our family easter, but i wanted to get some outside perspective. i (31m) went to my brother jacob’s place for easter. his wife kate and daughter aria (3) were of course there, too. to note: aria has down syndrome and she probably won’t be able to live independently. she also has a heart defect. i always assumed that jacob and kate wouldn’t have more children, as caring for aria is expensive and takes a lot of time. however, jacob and i were smoking on the porch and talking about our gran, who lives in a nursing home. he mentioned how that type of care is super expensive, and how they were trying for another baby to care for aria after they’re gone. i was pretty shocked and asked him to elaborate. he said it would be cheaper to have another kid instead of saving up hundreds of thousands in a trust for aria’s care. i told him that was very fucked up and would make the kid feel unwanted. by then, sil had come outside, and she started laying into me. she said i didn’t know what it was to parent a disabled child, and how i shouldn’t judge. she asked me to drop the topic or leave, and so i dropped it and went to play with aria. did i cross a line? i know how tough my brother and kate have it, but their plan seems unethical af. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
all fake names, on mobile, etc. this actually happened at our family easter, but i wanted to get some outside perspective. i (31m) went to my brother jacob’s place for easter. his wife kate and daughter aria (3) were of course there, too. to note: aria has down syndrome and she probably won’t be able to live independently. she also has a heart defect. i always assumed that jacob and kate wouldn’t have more children, as caring for aria is expensive and takes a lot of time. however, jacob and i were smoking on the porch and talking about our gran, who lives in a nursing home. he mentioned how that type of care is super expensive, and how they were trying for another baby to care for aria after they’re gone. i was pretty shocked and asked him to elaborate. he said it would be cheaper to have another kid instead of saving up hundreds of thousands in a trust for aria’s care. i told him that was very fucked up and would make the kid feel unwanted. by then, sil had come outside, and she started laying into me. she said i didn’t know what it was to parent a disabled child, and how i shouldn’t judge. she asked me to drop the topic or leave, and so i dropped it and went to play with aria. did i cross a line? i know how tough my brother and kate have it, but their plan seems unethical af. aita? [/INST] nta tell them they should watch my sisters keeper </s>
|
WIBTA if I had a baby with this guy?
|
have a very unusual situation here.
i'm in my late thirties and a working professional. i have a coworker, a very nice man in his early 50s, we'll call him bruce. we've worked together for about seven years now and we've grown rather close. it's never been romantic however we're each others best friend. we're both busy professionals so there's little time for much of a personal life. bruce has been vocal about wanting a child for about three or four years now but he doesn't think he'll be approved for adoption because he's a single guy with a busy job and we live in a very, very family oriented state where it's very hard for single people/lgbt people to get approved.
i've been secretly wanting a baby myself lately and would be fully willing to reduce my career to be a mom. i mentioned this to bruce one evening and he asked me if i would ever consider having a kid with him. we'd have ivf done, co-parent. i have to admit it's really enticing. he's a great guy and i have no doubt he'd make a great father, and that we'd co-parent well together. he asked me to take a few weeks and think about it, weigh the pros and cons, which he is doing as well.
i'm close to my parents and i happened to mention to my mother that i was seriously considering doing this. she blew up on me. she said it's a stupid move to have a baby with someone you're not in a relationship with, and what if i meet someone or bruce meets someone, what if he and i end up disliking each other. the way i see it, bruce and i have discussed romance between the two of us and we both fully understand that while we platonically love each other we'll never be romantically or sexually attracted to each other. we're fine with that. there's literally no friction.
and if i have a baby, how is it really any different from a divorced parent, or a single parent, meeting someone and dating them? step-children are a thing. same goes for bruce. i've mentioned the plan to a few friends and everyone is acting like this is the worst thing anyone has ever suggested. i've gone from wanting to say yes to feeling like some kind of creep. and my friends are making all sorts of assumptions about bruce that are really unfair. accusing him of being a cradle-robber even though there's only about sixteen years age difference and i'm a consenting adult.
wibta if i went ahead with the plan and had a baby with bruce?
| 1,130 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dqlv2y/wibta_if_i_had_a_baby_with_this_guy/
|
2019-11-02 15:41:16
|
nta. honestly i think this is fine. there is nothing special about being raised by parents who are romantically in love. a kid needs a steady home life, love, and guidance, if you two think you can manage that more power to you. before you go ahead you're going to want to set up a comprehensive parenting agreement with the guy covering everything, really hash out how both of you feel about stuff like schools, religion, activities, travel, what happens if either of you wants to move, etc etc.. just by doing that you will be way ahead of many "conventional" couples.
|
nta.
however, prior to doing this, you should both meet with a co-parenting counselor to construct a parenting plan, as well as a mediator to discuss any legal issues. ex. who pays for health insurance? how are holidays handled? is the child raised in a religion? is the child going to be keeping a certain diet (ex. kosher, vegetarianism). how do you feel about sports such as football, lacrosse, rugby, and hockey? is the two yeses and one no rule in effect? how are disputes settled? child support? unexpected medical bills? unexpected bills of any sort? visitation and custody? is corporeal punishment allowed? at what age does your infant child stay with the father? names? paying for college? life insurance?
all of this should be hammered out prior to conception. yes, you'll likely have to revise the parenting plan and custody schedule, but the only way you both would be assholes and idiots is not discussing anything and getting things in writing. you may discover you are both incompatible based on how you'd like to parent, and that is information you want before the baby is coming. you said it would be no different than divorce, so you both need to treat it like one. if a divorced couple would have a co-parenting plan and custody schedule in place, you both should have this in place, again, before, conception.
|
nta. the desire to have a baby is a natural one. it's your life and ultimately your decision; however, it will impact a whole other person. also being a parent myself, my pregnancies and births were very hard and traumatic. if not for the physical help of my husband (helping me walk, taking care of a giant wound from an infected csection, and general assistance taking care of a newborn) i don't know how i could have done it. we don't have other family to help.
another thing to deeply, deeply consider is that things can go wrong. at anytime. and the situation may not turn out the way you want it to.
my daughter was born 4 months early and spent over 5 months in nicu. would bruce be there for you emotionally, physically, and financially?
i had to quit my job to take care of my daughter who has a lifelong permanent disability. i love my children no matter what, but it can be so hard sometimes. all the medications, doctors appointments, therapists, medical bills. getting up in the middle of the night to check her alarm systems. making sure her oxygen level is good. holding her while she screams, having another test run. would bruce be there to emotionally, physically, and financially support you in this situation? or the child? going through this myself, if i didn't have my husband right there with me i don't know how i'd do it.
would bruce be a great dad to a child with a disability if it happened? what if they were born with severe autism? down syndrome? cerebral palsy?
everyone always paints a perfect rosy picture of birth and child raising, but the same thing that happened to me can happen to anyone. and i know first hand that it would be sooooooo damn hard to do it alone.
just make sure that you consider all of the situations that can happen before you make a decision. i hope that you choose the option that is best for you.
|
so many questions here.
you say you have little time for a personal life. how often do you see bruce outside of work? being close in a work environment is a totally different thing from being close enough with someone that you should co-parent with them.
do you know where bruce stands on...god, where should i start. do you know bruce's opinions on schooling for your child, discipline, how much your extended families should be involved in the child's life, religion (or lack thereof), who will take care of the child how much of the time, the baby's name (first and last), circumcision, your basic system of ethics? this stuff is hard enough to figure out with someone you love, much less a guy from work.
why exactly do you want a baby, and why exactly does bruce want one?
how many of the terms of raising this baby together are going to be in writing? if you're going to do this, you both should get lawyers to formalize the arrangement.
if you had to go back in time and pick a new family for yourself as a child, would you pick a situation that looked like this?
you and bruce are going to argue, and fight, and fumble your way through unfamiliar situations together. it's difficult enough with someone you love and have made a personal commitment to. nah, but i think this is a bad idea.
|
please google "advanced paternal age" and "paternal age effect". men over 40 have increased risk of having children with a number of health conditions/illnesses including down syndrome, autism and schizophrenia. women pregnant with older fathers' sperm may be more likely to suffer miscarriage and stillbirth.
good luck.
|
nta- it's unusual, but what a great idea! you both have love for and respect one another, and you both want a child. i'd iron out the details about finances, holidays (joint or seperate? your parents or his parents house?), schooling options, etc. but i don't see why this wouldn't work. i can see why your parents and friends may be taken aback, but once baby is here they will likely come to terms with it so they can also spend time with the baby. if not, you and him sound like an unusual but nice little family unit. i wish you both lots of luck!
|
nah, but i’d take much longer than a few weeks to think about it. take months, take an entire year if you need to. because once you’ve made the decision, there’s absolutely no turning back.
|
it’s a bad idea. parenting involves decades of compromises. what is going to drive the two of you to compromise?
i’m not grading this though because it is misguided rather than assholery.
|
doubt anyone will see this but:
this really isn't aita material. neither of you are wrong, and you're definitely not assholes, but you really need to think seriously about it. it might not be fair to your future child, because he/she will not be able to grow up with a "normal" family. not saying that there is anything really wrong with your arrangement, but it will definitely make your child's life difficult to intentionally choose such a fragmented family.
|
nah but this is a terrible idea. you are both putting your own selfish desires above the best interests of the child. you're deliberately creating a child in a broken home. children of divorce manage but it's not an optimal arrangement. children need stability, not being shuffled from house to house every few days, trading holidays, and meeting their parents' romantic partners.
>and if i have a baby, how is it really any different from a divorced parent, or a single parent
again, those are not good arrangements for kids. people make it work, but would any child voluntarily choose to have a single parent or have parents who live apart?
it's become unfashionable to say that kids fare best in a stable, married 2-parent home but there it is.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
| null |
NTA
|
NAH
| null | null |
NAH
| 0.011362 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: have a very unusual situation here. i'm in my late thirties and a working professional. i have a coworker, a very nice man in his early 50s, we'll call him bruce. we've worked together for about seven years now and we've grown rather close. it's never been romantic however we're each others best friend. we're both busy professionals so there's little time for much of a personal life. bruce has been vocal about wanting a child for about three or four years now but he doesn't think he'll be approved for adoption because he's a single guy with a busy job and we live in a very, very family oriented state where it's very hard for single people/lgbt people to get approved. i've been secretly wanting a baby myself lately and would be fully willing to reduce my career to be a mom. i mentioned this to bruce one evening and he asked me if i would ever consider having a kid with him. we'd have ivf done, co-parent. i have to admit it's really enticing. he's a great guy and i have no doubt he'd make a great father, and that we'd co-parent well together. he asked me to take a few weeks and think about it, weigh the pros and cons, which he is doing as well. i'm close to my parents and i happened to mention to my mother that i was seriously considering doing this. she blew up on me. she said it's a stupid move to have a baby with someone you're not in a relationship with, and what if i meet someone or bruce meets someone, what if he and i end up disliking each other. the way i see it, bruce and i have discussed romance between the two of us and we both fully understand that while we platonically love each other we'll never be romantically or sexually attracted to each other. we're fine with that. there's literally no friction. and if i have a baby, how is it really any different from a divorced parent, or a single parent, meeting someone and dating them? step-children are a thing. same goes for bruce. i've mentioned the plan to a few friends and everyone is acting like this is the worst thing anyone has ever suggested. i've gone from wanting to say yes to feeling like some kind of creep. and my friends are making all sorts of assumptions about bruce that are really unfair. accusing him of being a cradle-robber even though there's only about sixteen years age difference and i'm a consenting adult. wibta if i went ahead with the plan and had a baby with bruce?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
have a very unusual situation here. i'm in my late thirties and a working professional. i have a coworker, a very nice man in his early 50s, we'll call him bruce. we've worked together for about seven years now and we've grown rather close. it's never been romantic however we're each others best friend. we're both busy professionals so there's little time for much of a personal life. bruce has been vocal about wanting a child for about three or four years now but he doesn't think he'll be approved for adoption because he's a single guy with a busy job and we live in a very, very family oriented state where it's very hard for single people/lgbt people to get approved. i've been secretly wanting a baby myself lately and would be fully willing to reduce my career to be a mom. i mentioned this to bruce one evening and he asked me if i would ever consider having a kid with him. we'd have ivf done, co-parent. i have to admit it's really enticing. he's a great guy and i have no doubt he'd make a great father, and that we'd co-parent well together. he asked me to take a few weeks and think about it, weigh the pros and cons, which he is doing as well. i'm close to my parents and i happened to mention to my mother that i was seriously considering doing this. she blew up on me. she said it's a stupid move to have a baby with someone you're not in a relationship with, and what if i meet someone or bruce meets someone, what if he and i end up disliking each other. the way i see it, bruce and i have discussed romance between the two of us and we both fully understand that while we platonically love each other we'll never be romantically or sexually attracted to each other. we're fine with that. there's literally no friction. and if i have a baby, how is it really any different from a divorced parent, or a single parent, meeting someone and dating them? step-children are a thing. same goes for bruce. i've mentioned the plan to a few friends and everyone is acting like this is the worst thing anyone has ever suggested. i've gone from wanting to say yes to feeling like some kind of creep. and my friends are making all sorts of assumptions about bruce that are really unfair. accusing him of being a cradle-robber even though there's only about sixteen years age difference and i'm a consenting adult. wibta if i went ahead with the plan and had a baby with bruce? [/INST] nta. honestly i think this is fine. there is nothing special about being raised by parents who are romantically in love. a kid needs a steady home life, love, and guidance, if you two think you can manage that more power to you. before you go ahead you're going to want to set up a comprehensive parenting agreement with the guy covering everything, really hash out how both of you feel about stuff like schools, religion, activities, travel, what happens if either of you wants to move, etc etc.. just by doing that you will be way ahead of many "conventional" couples. </s>
|
AITA for not letting him sleep in my bed?
|
my ex (35m) and i (34f) split up nearly 3 years ago as he had an affair. we have a 5 year old son together and have remained fairly amicable considering. he has had a rough time since i asked him to leave as he lost his job and for a time had to live in an unsuitable housing arrangement. when he wanted to visit our son he frequently had to stay at my place as his arrangements weren't suitable for a child. i only have a 2 bedroom place so he would sleep on the sofa. he is in a better place now and has a job again, so everything is better and he doesn't stay over as much. he has a habit of breaking my boundaries when he stays over so i try to minimise our time alone together (nothing super sinister but he will often ask about us getting back together, try to hold my hand or make inappropriate sexual comments).
this weekend i went away from friday to sunday with some girlfriends. our son was meant to stay at my ex's place but i could tell our son had been feeling unsettled and he said he just wanted to stay at home with his own bed and toys. i have been feeling bad about all the moving around our son has had to do on weekends since we split so i agreed that my ex could stay at my home while i was gone instead. ex came over on the friday and all was fine, but he made a passing comment before i left about finally being able to sleep in my bed rather than the sofa. i said in no uncertain terms that he was not allowed to sleep in my bed. he got a bit pissed off and asked why since it was his bed once too and i'm not going to be there anyway. i simply said it is not your bed anymore and you can't sleep in it (i did not remind him that he had cheated on me in that bed and the idea of him being in it again made my skin crawl - it's bad enough i haven't been able to afford to replace it yet). he reluctantly agreed and i left a bit later.
i came back today and i instantly knew he had slept in my bed. i could tell my things had been moved and the room smelt strongly of him, and so did my pillow cases (he wears a very distinctive scent). i asked if he did and he denied it of course. i didnt want to get our son involved so i didn't talk about this in front of him. but i was really angry. i had asked him to do one thing and he couldn't do it. i had to come home from a tiring weekend and strip my bed and change the sheets. and the fact he moved my things and touched who knows what. it felt very violating.
he couldn't understand my frustration and basically called me the ah for overreacting. i didn't scream or shout but i did make it clear i was unhappy. he said he was sorry but i couldn't reasonably expect him to not sleep in it. aita?
| 316 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wubug6/aita_for_not_letting_him_sleep_in_my_bed/
|
2022-08-21 22:11:05
|
nta. stop letting this man stay at your place. he can visit his son and then take his ass back to his place.
|
nta but you're going to have to draw a bright line with this guy. and your son. no waffling on your son going to his dad's place- just a cheerful reminder that it's time to see dad. no letting the ex crash on your sofa- if he loses his housing he can take your son to the park on saturday and the zoo on sunday. all very matter of fact.
|
definitely nta.. maybe a bit naive? to think that he would care enough about your feelings to not sleep in a perfectly vacant bed after screwing around in said bed and not giving enough of a fuck about your feelings prior to that, when he was screwing around on you. make him pay/ reap the consequences of his actions. he shouldn't be allowed back over, at least not for quite?? a while. preferably? ever. and if your child doesn't want to go over to his dad's or possibly see? him for any reason, it's no longer your problem to make accommodations that you don't feel up to making. he burnt that bridge. f*ck him. 🥸 💅🏾🥸
|
nta
this man is gross. toss the mattress and your ex for street pick up.
|
nope. nta. he needs to find another arrangement to see his son. and i say this as a non-custodial co-parent.
|
nta
no more overnights, obviously.
unfortunately, you do now need to check your bedroom and home for tiny cameras.
|
esh
what did you expect, honestly? he’s pushed your boundaries before so of course he’ll take advantage of any new opportunity when he can.
for the sake of your son, you need to keep his dad out of your home, even if your son feels unsettled at his dads place. your son is likely expecting his parents to reconnect (and i’m sure his dad actively suggests this too), meaning he’s gonna be one confused little kid.
i think you allowed this situation to occur, knowing his past behaviour, hence my judgement
|
nta.
stop letting him stay at your place.
he’s probably lying to you and out his circumstances to force iou to let him stay at your place.
also - check for hidden cameras. you can get a machine which can detect electrical signals. dhe’s clearly a boundary stomper, so might be escalating. he’s been all through your stuff - he’s read all your mail and been all through your bathroom and bedroom cabinets.
he makes my skin crawl.
he’s playing you like a fiddle.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| null | null | 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex (35m) and i (34f) split up nearly 3 years ago as he had an affair. we have a 5 year old son together and have remained fairly amicable considering. he has had a rough time since i asked him to leave as he lost his job and for a time had to live in an unsuitable housing arrangement. when he wanted to visit our son he frequently had to stay at my place as his arrangements weren't suitable for a child. i only have a 2 bedroom place so he would sleep on the sofa. he is in a better place now and has a job again, so everything is better and he doesn't stay over as much. he has a habit of breaking my boundaries when he stays over so i try to minimise our time alone together (nothing super sinister but he will often ask about us getting back together, try to hold my hand or make inappropriate sexual comments). this weekend i went away from friday to sunday with some girlfriends. our son was meant to stay at my ex's place but i could tell our son had been feeling unsettled and he said he just wanted to stay at home with his own bed and toys. i have been feeling bad about all the moving around our son has had to do on weekends since we split so i agreed that my ex could stay at my home while i was gone instead. ex came over on the friday and all was fine, but he made a passing comment before i left about finally being able to sleep in my bed rather than the sofa. i said in no uncertain terms that he was not allowed to sleep in my bed. he got a bit pissed off and asked why since it was his bed once too and i'm not going to be there anyway. i simply said it is not your bed anymore and you can't sleep in it (i did not remind him that he had cheated on me in that bed and the idea of him being in it again made my skin crawl - it's bad enough i haven't been able to afford to replace it yet). he reluctantly agreed and i left a bit later. i came back today and i instantly knew he had slept in my bed. i could tell my things had been moved and the room smelt strongly of him, and so did my pillow cases (he wears a very distinctive scent). i asked if he did and he denied it of course. i didnt want to get our son involved so i didn't talk about this in front of him. but i was really angry. i had asked him to do one thing and he couldn't do it. i had to come home from a tiring weekend and strip my bed and change the sheets. and the fact he moved my things and touched who knows what. it felt very violating. he couldn't understand my frustration and basically called me the ah for overreacting. i didn't scream or shout but i did make it clear i was unhappy. he said he was sorry but i couldn't reasonably expect him to not sleep in it. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex (35m) and i (34f) split up nearly 3 years ago as he had an affair. we have a 5 year old son together and have remained fairly amicable considering. he has had a rough time since i asked him to leave as he lost his job and for a time had to live in an unsuitable housing arrangement. when he wanted to visit our son he frequently had to stay at my place as his arrangements weren't suitable for a child. i only have a 2 bedroom place so he would sleep on the sofa. he is in a better place now and has a job again, so everything is better and he doesn't stay over as much. he has a habit of breaking my boundaries when he stays over so i try to minimise our time alone together (nothing super sinister but he will often ask about us getting back together, try to hold my hand or make inappropriate sexual comments). this weekend i went away from friday to sunday with some girlfriends. our son was meant to stay at my ex's place but i could tell our son had been feeling unsettled and he said he just wanted to stay at home with his own bed and toys. i have been feeling bad about all the moving around our son has had to do on weekends since we split so i agreed that my ex could stay at my home while i was gone instead. ex came over on the friday and all was fine, but he made a passing comment before i left about finally being able to sleep in my bed rather than the sofa. i said in no uncertain terms that he was not allowed to sleep in my bed. he got a bit pissed off and asked why since it was his bed once too and i'm not going to be there anyway. i simply said it is not your bed anymore and you can't sleep in it (i did not remind him that he had cheated on me in that bed and the idea of him being in it again made my skin crawl - it's bad enough i haven't been able to afford to replace it yet). he reluctantly agreed and i left a bit later. i came back today and i instantly knew he had slept in my bed. i could tell my things had been moved and the room smelt strongly of him, and so did my pillow cases (he wears a very distinctive scent). i asked if he did and he denied it of course. i didnt want to get our son involved so i didn't talk about this in front of him. but i was really angry. i had asked him to do one thing and he couldn't do it. i had to come home from a tiring weekend and strip my bed and change the sheets. and the fact he moved my things and touched who knows what. it felt very violating. he couldn't understand my frustration and basically called me the ah for overreacting. i didn't scream or shout but i did make it clear i was unhappy. he said he was sorry but i couldn't reasonably expect him to not sleep in it. aita? [/INST] nta. stop letting this man stay at your place. he can visit his son and then take his ass back to his place. </s>
|
AITA for telling my daughter she wouldn’t be a good mother?
|
my daughter is 18 years old and struggles with many mental and physical health problems. most days she needs my help preparing simple meals for herself because of severe executive dysfunction.
ever since she was a child, she was adamant that when she had kids she would adopt. but in recent years, she’s changed her stance from adoption to not having children at all.
both my mother and my wife’s mother have severe mental illness, and they were both incredibly neglectful. she sees how we both resent our mothers (just something she picked up on as she got older) and began to self evaluate.
eventually she came to the conclusion that some people simply aren’t fit to parent and she’s one of them. she’s not upset about this. she’s gay and says that she feels free from the expectations of having a nuclear family because of it.
i told her that in all honesty, i think she’s right. i said that might change as she grows older, but if she remains as she is now, i don’t think she’d be able to take care of another human life on top of her own. she seemed happy to have her opinion validated
i thought all was well until my wife came to me in tears over what i’d said. she demanded i apologize to my daughter and take it back because i was “stigmatizing her illness to her” and “limiting her future.” i don’t see it like that. my daughter is young, but she’s an adult. she’s had this opinion for 2 years now. and, being the child of a mother who wasn’t fit for the role, i’m incredibly proud of my daughter for being able to reflect on herself like that.
i’m open to being ta here. i just want to know if i messed up by agreeing with her. if i need to take it back, i will. the last thing i want is to hurt her.
tldr; my 18 year old mentally ill daughter said she won’t have kids because she’s not fit for it. i agreed. wife is upset that i didn’t support her more.
| 2,258 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n1i1vz/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_wouldnt_be_a/
|
2021-04-30 00:14:04
|
nta. this is a hard fact of life. parenthood comes easier to some than to others, some are in a better situation to deal with it than others, and sometimes your gene code has it in for you.
as your daughter already reached this conclusion and explained it to you, to which you agreed, i think that's completely fair. in fact i think you'd be a terrible parent to do otherwise.
one shouldn't force kids to exist just to de-stigmatise an illness. no child deserves to be put through misery just for the mother to prove a point, or to fight against proving one.
i would be a terrible parent, and if someone denied it i would not trust them for feedback in future.
|
nta
some people are not able to be parents for whatever reason. it’s much better that she recognise it and goes on to lead a happy and healthy life rather than fuck up a child’s life.
there are many ways she can bring joy to a child’s life without being their parent.
|
nta. you said things might change later, but that as things are in the moment you agree with her choice. this hardly seems limiting to me. you're validating her where she is now and acknowledging (and pointing out to her) that things can and do change.
|
nah— i see both sides but i think it’s in your wording, that a general, “being a parent is not for everyone, and if you don’t think you’re up for it, then it is not a good idea” would have been fine. but even when we say things about ourselves having a parent confirm it really hurts. and these are the type of words that haunt a person forever. the truth is she could have children the way she can eat and all these other things disabled people do— with the right supports and commitment. right now she doesn’t have the commitment, which is fine. she might never, which is fine. so i think your wife is right you didn’t word it very well and you probably made it sound like you resent her like you do your mother, and it’s very possible she’s not as ok with what you said as you think she was, considering she told her mom. and as a man, sorry, but you might not understand a girl’s relationship to her own motherhood as well as you think you do. you’re treading on very treacherous territory here and i don’t think you tiptoed as gently as you should have.
|
going to go against the grain a little and say nah. you did nothing wrong, as people have noted! but the truth can still hurt, especially when it's about such a *huge* part of life, and so i can also understand your wife's gut reaction. for some people, parenthood is perceived as the single most important part of their life, so to hear that you'd written it off for your daughter (no matter how justified the agreement was) could seem honestly hurtful.
i'd hope that she cools down once the first emotional wave passes, though. (if not, then i'd agree with everyone on n t a)
|
nta
you never know what the future holds, and i think you covered that.
|
nta. i have a bod mom, and she was not fit to parent. your daughter seems even lower functioning than my mom
|
nah. i think your wife is wrong, but she clearly cares about your daughter just as much as you do. did she hear about this from your daughter? if so, the part about her feelings potentially changing as she grows might have been lost in translation.
your wife might be infantilizing your daughter a bit, but i don’t think either of you are ta here. just 2 people trying to do right by their struggling child and seemingly succeeding.
if your wife has any of the same disorders as your daughter, there could also be a bit of projection involved. i obviously don’t know you, but from your account you sound like caring people. just talk it out. your daughter won’t be hurt by this, so focus on working things out with your wife. best of luck!
|
nta. you are supporting her.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null | 0.006547 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter is 18 years old and struggles with many mental and physical health problems. most days she needs my help preparing simple meals for herself because of severe executive dysfunction. ever since she was a child, she was adamant that when she had kids she would adopt. but in recent years, she’s changed her stance from adoption to not having children at all. both my mother and my wife’s mother have severe mental illness, and they were both incredibly neglectful. she sees how we both resent our mothers (just something she picked up on as she got older) and began to self evaluate. eventually she came to the conclusion that some people simply aren’t fit to parent and she’s one of them. she’s not upset about this. she’s gay and says that she feels free from the expectations of having a nuclear family because of it. i told her that in all honesty, i think she’s right. i said that might change as she grows older, but if she remains as she is now, i don’t think she’d be able to take care of another human life on top of her own. she seemed happy to have her opinion validated i thought all was well until my wife came to me in tears over what i’d said. she demanded i apologize to my daughter and take it back because i was “stigmatizing her illness to her” and “limiting her future.” i don’t see it like that. my daughter is young, but she’s an adult. she’s had this opinion for 2 years now. and, being the child of a mother who wasn’t fit for the role, i’m incredibly proud of my daughter for being able to reflect on herself like that. i’m open to being ta here. i just want to know if i messed up by agreeing with her. if i need to take it back, i will. the last thing i want is to hurt her. tldr; my 18 year old mentally ill daughter said she won’t have kids because she’s not fit for it. i agreed. wife is upset that i didn’t support her more.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter is 18 years old and struggles with many mental and physical health problems. most days she needs my help preparing simple meals for herself because of severe executive dysfunction. ever since she was a child, she was adamant that when she had kids she would adopt. but in recent years, she’s changed her stance from adoption to not having children at all. both my mother and my wife’s mother have severe mental illness, and they were both incredibly neglectful. she sees how we both resent our mothers (just something she picked up on as she got older) and began to self evaluate. eventually she came to the conclusion that some people simply aren’t fit to parent and she’s one of them. she’s not upset about this. she’s gay and says that she feels free from the expectations of having a nuclear family because of it. i told her that in all honesty, i think she’s right. i said that might change as she grows older, but if she remains as she is now, i don’t think she’d be able to take care of another human life on top of her own. she seemed happy to have her opinion validated i thought all was well until my wife came to me in tears over what i’d said. she demanded i apologize to my daughter and take it back because i was “stigmatizing her illness to her” and “limiting her future.” i don’t see it like that. my daughter is young, but she’s an adult. she’s had this opinion for 2 years now. and, being the child of a mother who wasn’t fit for the role, i’m incredibly proud of my daughter for being able to reflect on herself like that. i’m open to being ta here. i just want to know if i messed up by agreeing with her. if i need to take it back, i will. the last thing i want is to hurt her. tldr; my 18 year old mentally ill daughter said she won’t have kids because she’s not fit for it. i agreed. wife is upset that i didn’t support her more. [/INST] nta. this is a hard fact of life. parenthood comes easier to some than to others, some are in a better situation to deal with it than others, and sometimes your gene code has it in for you. as your daughter already reached this conclusion and explained it to you, to which you agreed, i think that's completely fair. in fact i think you'd be a terrible parent to do otherwise. one shouldn't force kids to exist just to de-stigmatise an illness. no child deserves to be put through misery just for the mother to prove a point, or to fight against proving one. i would be a terrible parent, and if someone denied it i would not trust them for feedback in future. </s>
|
AITA for getting a new job?
|
disclaimer: mobile phone and all that
i work at a local hospital as a phone operator. it’s a very small department with 3 full-time employees, one part-time employee, and 2 prns (one is me but i have two scheduled days a week).
i had cut down on my hours last year to pursue other things, after i had initially tried to quit and they convinced me to stay on as prn. my manager’s idea of prn means if you are told to come in; you come in. it doesn’t matter if you’re available or not. there was even a huge blow up when she tried to call me in when i was out of state to cover my team lead who had diarrhea, and only one of us works a scheduled shift at a time with limited bathroom breaks.
i hate my job. i hate it so much it depresses me to walk through the doors. so much that i’ve even talked to a therapist about it. my coworkers are…nice enough, but there is so much unfair treatment i’ll run out of character space to even list it all out. plus, this last year it’s just gotten worse at my place of employment.
due to financial constraints (my dog getting insanely ill and costing me thousands in bills being one [vet insurance won’t cover her] and other things) plus unhappiness, i decided to look for a new, full-time job. i was fortunate enough to get offered a work-from-home job with consistent hours, better pay, and insurance. and i accepted it.
the problem is, they move fast at the company and training starts on the 17th and my coworker is having surgery on the 13th, will be out for 3 weeks, and expects me to cover a bulk of her shift. i emailed the new job asking to push back my start date but they cannot, and if i can’t begin training that day, i lose out on this job.
i decided to take the job and offered a solution to work my last week. it was to come in late on my scheduled days, after my training, then work the extra hours my coworker would receive so no one got overtime since they are strict about it there. if that isn’t an option, then my last day has to be the 16th.
when i emailed my boss about the scheduling dilemma, she tried guilting me into staying. i jus worry if i stay this time to help, it’ll be the same situation if i found another job in the future. but i feel guilty about leaving them in a bind.
aita for getting this new job since it’s during a bad time?
| 253 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n8eq9g/aita_for_getting_a_new_job/
|
2021-05-09 13:57:14
|
nta. nobody should be forced to stay at a job they don't like. good luck at your new job!
|
nta,say goodbye and walk away.the don't really care about you
|
nta at all. employers have absolutely zero loyalty to employees. they can and will terminate your employment at any time for just about any reason. you are not an actual human being to them - you are a resource. they do not care about you at all, they simply care about how they can utilize you and your skill sets.
it is management’s responsibility to ensure that shifts are properly covered - not yours. your manager is attempting to guilt you into staying longer because that will make her life easier - she could not care less about what makes your life easier.
you have provided them with notice of when your last day will be. that is all you need to do. good luck with your new job!
|
nta
take the other job, there will always be a scheduling issue, shortage of staff, lack of this, people going on vacation, etc etc etc.
none of this is your problem, this is a culture within your current job and will never be resolved so stop setting yourself on fire for them.
take the new job, enjoy a better quality of life, and never give your current job a second thought.
p.s. don't even entertain part time/emergency fill in, nothing at all. cut the cord 100% and never look back.
|
nta. their scheduling bind and coverage for your colleague being out is their puzzle to solve, not yours. timing sucks but they already treat you like crap; you have nothing to feel guilty about.
|
nta. you have done everything you can to accommodate your old job and now you need to look after yourself. they have already manipulated you into staying previously and nothing changed. look after yourself and congratulations!
|
nta a lack of planning on your bosses behalf doesn’t constitute as an emergency for you. the sooner you leave the better for you, your mental health and happiness. move forward with your new job and kick ass with it.
|
>but i feel guilty about leaving them in a bind.
here's the thing. companies/employers don't give a damn about you. had this been about *firing* you, they wouldn't give a damn whether it was a good time for you or not. you aren't obligated to make her life or job easier.
> my manager’s idea of prn means if you are told to come in; you come in. it doesn’t matter if you’re available or not. there was even a huge blow up when she tried to call me in when i was out of state to cover my team lead who had diarrhea, and only one of us works a scheduled shift at a time with limited bathroom breaks.
and this line means she has earned no such obligation.
the unfair treatment is a solid example of that. sucks for your co worker, but someone else will have to do the job, that being another co worker, or the company will just have to hire someone temporarily.
nta.
can you give me one example of this unfair treatment tho?
|
nta.
you're nice for trying to work out a solution, but it sounds a little bit like you're setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
tell your boss that your last day will be the 16th and that you won't be coming in to cover those other hours.
make a clean break.
congrats on the new job!
|
nta. jesus, your job has really messed up your idea of a decent work environmemt. i don't say that as an insult, but they literally had you come in after your injured your head, on next to no sleep after throwing up all night and after your grandma died. your job literally makes you sick with depression. yet here you are, feeling guilty for not helping them even after you will have begun training for a new job(!).
i wouldn't even have asked to push back your start date. schedules at your old job are not your responsibility (i'm assuming), so why make them that after you will be gone? yeah, it sucks for your coworker but people leave jobs all the time. they will manage. and if not, you'll be busy with your new job, so i'd strongly recommend you practice saying "i won't be able to help with that, sorry." when oldjob calls after you are gone.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: disclaimer: mobile phone and all that i work at a local hospital as a phone operator. it’s a very small department with 3 full-time employees, one part-time employee, and 2 prns (one is me but i have two scheduled days a week). i had cut down on my hours last year to pursue other things, after i had initially tried to quit and they convinced me to stay on as prn. my manager’s idea of prn means if you are told to come in; you come in. it doesn’t matter if you’re available or not. there was even a huge blow up when she tried to call me in when i was out of state to cover my team lead who had diarrhea, and only one of us works a scheduled shift at a time with limited bathroom breaks. i hate my job. i hate it so much it depresses me to walk through the doors. so much that i’ve even talked to a therapist about it. my coworkers are…nice enough, but there is so much unfair treatment i’ll run out of character space to even list it all out. plus, this last year it’s just gotten worse at my place of employment. due to financial constraints (my dog getting insanely ill and costing me thousands in bills being one [vet insurance won’t cover her] and other things) plus unhappiness, i decided to look for a new, full-time job. i was fortunate enough to get offered a work-from-home job with consistent hours, better pay, and insurance. and i accepted it. the problem is, they move fast at the company and training starts on the 17th and my coworker is having surgery on the 13th, will be out for 3 weeks, and expects me to cover a bulk of her shift. i emailed the new job asking to push back my start date but they cannot, and if i can’t begin training that day, i lose out on this job. i decided to take the job and offered a solution to work my last week. it was to come in late on my scheduled days, after my training, then work the extra hours my coworker would receive so no one got overtime since they are strict about it there. if that isn’t an option, then my last day has to be the 16th. when i emailed my boss about the scheduling dilemma, she tried guilting me into staying. i jus worry if i stay this time to help, it’ll be the same situation if i found another job in the future. but i feel guilty about leaving them in a bind. aita for getting this new job since it’s during a bad time?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
disclaimer: mobile phone and all that i work at a local hospital as a phone operator. it’s a very small department with 3 full-time employees, one part-time employee, and 2 prns (one is me but i have two scheduled days a week). i had cut down on my hours last year to pursue other things, after i had initially tried to quit and they convinced me to stay on as prn. my manager’s idea of prn means if you are told to come in; you come in. it doesn’t matter if you’re available or not. there was even a huge blow up when she tried to call me in when i was out of state to cover my team lead who had diarrhea, and only one of us works a scheduled shift at a time with limited bathroom breaks. i hate my job. i hate it so much it depresses me to walk through the doors. so much that i’ve even talked to a therapist about it. my coworkers are…nice enough, but there is so much unfair treatment i’ll run out of character space to even list it all out. plus, this last year it’s just gotten worse at my place of employment. due to financial constraints (my dog getting insanely ill and costing me thousands in bills being one [vet insurance won’t cover her] and other things) plus unhappiness, i decided to look for a new, full-time job. i was fortunate enough to get offered a work-from-home job with consistent hours, better pay, and insurance. and i accepted it. the problem is, they move fast at the company and training starts on the 17th and my coworker is having surgery on the 13th, will be out for 3 weeks, and expects me to cover a bulk of her shift. i emailed the new job asking to push back my start date but they cannot, and if i can’t begin training that day, i lose out on this job. i decided to take the job and offered a solution to work my last week. it was to come in late on my scheduled days, after my training, then work the extra hours my coworker would receive so no one got overtime since they are strict about it there. if that isn’t an option, then my last day has to be the 16th. when i emailed my boss about the scheduling dilemma, she tried guilting me into staying. i jus worry if i stay this time to help, it’ll be the same situation if i found another job in the future. but i feel guilty about leaving them in a bind. aita for getting this new job since it’s during a bad time? [/INST] nta. nobody should be forced to stay at a job they don't like. good luck at your new job! </s>
|
AITA for refusing to send anymore pictures of my child to my MIL?
|
about 6 months ago, my husband and i had our first child. he is the squishiest, most wonderful baby, and he is very well-loved and attended to. he is the first grandchild for both sets of our parents, so he's kind of a big deal.
anyway, hubby and i made a decision when i was pregnant that we would not post about him on social media. this wasn't a hard decision for us because we're not big social media users (my lurking on reddit is an exception). but the point is that we decided as parents that we want our child to be able to create his own online identity when he's old enough to understand the ramifications.
we explained this to our parents, siblings, and close friends who have regular contact with our baby and have asked them kindly to please not post about our baby on social media either. everyone respected our decision except my mil who thinks it's silly to try and control what information is posted about our baby.
anyway, my mil is an active social media user and retired. she is all-in on being a grandma, but lives 1000+ miles away so she doesn't get to visit often. she asks me and my husband for pictures almost everyday, which i'm happy to send her. but she semi-regularly goes and posts the pictures we send her on social media. each time, we ask her to take them down, and each time it turns into some big argument and my husband winds up getting the brunt of some of her more passive-aggressive behaviors (saying we're ruining the joy of being a grandma for her, not speaking to us for a week at a time, etc.)
anyway this pattern has repeated enough times where i'm just fed up. so after the last incident a couple of days ago, i told her that if your not going to respect our wishes, we won't send you any more pictures. she blew up at me for "policing" and "censoring" her. she's said that we're essentially cutting her off from her grandchild and how dare we. i'm really over how childish she's being.
for the record, i have no problem we her sharing pictures by text or email or whatever to her friends and other family members. i'm also not barring her from coming to visit whenever she wants (she has the means to do so). she's otherwise a loving and devoted grandma and i would never want to deprive my child of a relationship with her. but i feel strongly about our social media moratorium and i don't want to budge on this. aita?
| 2,448 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fiy4uj/aita_for_refusing_to_send_anymore_pictures_of_my/
|
2020-03-15 08:14:39
|
nta — she lives far away and you tried to graciously accommodate by sending her photos. you explained the rules and gave her several opportunities in hopes she will behave, and she didn’t.
> we’re ruining the joy of being a grandma for her
funny how she equates “posting” and having “attention” on social media as “joy”. there is people like that, so self-centered they don’t grasp the concept of privacy.
|
nta. grandma is the biggest baby in this narrative. your reasoning behind not wanting your son posted about on social media is thoughtful. but it doesn’t matter if she likes your rule or not, it’s your decision to make and it is just a matter of course that you’re supposed to ask a child’s parents for permission before you post pictures of them. your mother in law is neither being policed nor being censored. she’s egregiously breaking basic etiquette and i believe most social media platforms will take those pictures down for you, if you don’t feel like wrangling with her.
go ahead and stop sending her pictures and refuse to argue with her about it. she knows why you’re not doing it anymore and it doesn’t require further discussion.
|
nta
she is cutting herself off by not following the rules. don't let her act like the victim when she is brazenly ignoring your wishes.
|
nta social media presence is responsibility of the parents and there has been many cases in the past from, now teens, that sue or have problemas with their parents from pics that were posted i childhood, and not only that, there are the issue of people using baby/children pics for not so innocent ends and is up to you to decide if is worth the risk. i don’t have kids but i have many friends with kids and usually i take pics of them and send the pics to their parents for them
to choose what to post. i think a good manner to approach grandma is remind her that in the “old times” they didn’t have social media and people were absolutely fine.
https://www.mother.ly/life/a-new-parents-ultimate-guide-to-social-media
https://www.forbes.com/sites/fernandezelizabeth/2019/07/08/what-we-post-on-social-media-may-harm-our-childrens-development/
you should send this links trough facebook if it is her favorite social media and they tend to believe everything they read in there.
|
nta
your kid, your photos, your rules.
and, for what it's worth - your copyright of the photos, so you *do* get to dictate what can be done with them.
|
nta and i would like to recommend a wifi picture frame like nixplay. i bought one for my moms bday last year and she adores it. i have an app on my phone and i send any new cute pictures that i think she would like to her frame and it updates automatically.
|
my work colleague was at her child’s school the other day. she had a call because a man had approached her daughter by name and said he’d been sent to pick her up. she asked for the password and he ran off. her grandmother has an open facebook and had posted this child’s school photo including the child’s name.
reasons why you don’t post shit on social media #1.
|
nta - that’s your baby and you have the final say in anything that involves him. if your mil can’t respect your wishes then those are the consequences.
|
nta—you have clearly stated your boundaries and she has repeatedly ignored them.
|
info why would it be ok for her to send photos to her friends by email but not put photos in a space that only her friends can see, on social media?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: about 6 months ago, my husband and i had our first child. he is the squishiest, most wonderful baby, and he is very well-loved and attended to. he is the first grandchild for both sets of our parents, so he's kind of a big deal. anyway, hubby and i made a decision when i was pregnant that we would not post about him on social media. this wasn't a hard decision for us because we're not big social media users (my lurking on reddit is an exception). but the point is that we decided as parents that we want our child to be able to create his own online identity when he's old enough to understand the ramifications. we explained this to our parents, siblings, and close friends who have regular contact with our baby and have asked them kindly to please not post about our baby on social media either. everyone respected our decision except my mil who thinks it's silly to try and control what information is posted about our baby. anyway, my mil is an active social media user and retired. she is all-in on being a grandma, but lives 1000+ miles away so she doesn't get to visit often. she asks me and my husband for pictures almost everyday, which i'm happy to send her. but she semi-regularly goes and posts the pictures we send her on social media. each time, we ask her to take them down, and each time it turns into some big argument and my husband winds up getting the brunt of some of her more passive-aggressive behaviors (saying we're ruining the joy of being a grandma for her, not speaking to us for a week at a time, etc.) anyway this pattern has repeated enough times where i'm just fed up. so after the last incident a couple of days ago, i told her that if your not going to respect our wishes, we won't send you any more pictures. she blew up at me for "policing" and "censoring" her. she's said that we're essentially cutting her off from her grandchild and how dare we. i'm really over how childish she's being. for the record, i have no problem we her sharing pictures by text or email or whatever to her friends and other family members. i'm also not barring her from coming to visit whenever she wants (she has the means to do so). she's otherwise a loving and devoted grandma and i would never want to deprive my child of a relationship with her. but i feel strongly about our social media moratorium and i don't want to budge on this. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
about 6 months ago, my husband and i had our first child. he is the squishiest, most wonderful baby, and he is very well-loved and attended to. he is the first grandchild for both sets of our parents, so he's kind of a big deal. anyway, hubby and i made a decision when i was pregnant that we would not post about him on social media. this wasn't a hard decision for us because we're not big social media users (my lurking on reddit is an exception). but the point is that we decided as parents that we want our child to be able to create his own online identity when he's old enough to understand the ramifications. we explained this to our parents, siblings, and close friends who have regular contact with our baby and have asked them kindly to please not post about our baby on social media either. everyone respected our decision except my mil who thinks it's silly to try and control what information is posted about our baby. anyway, my mil is an active social media user and retired. she is all-in on being a grandma, but lives 1000+ miles away so she doesn't get to visit often. she asks me and my husband for pictures almost everyday, which i'm happy to send her. but she semi-regularly goes and posts the pictures we send her on social media. each time, we ask her to take them down, and each time it turns into some big argument and my husband winds up getting the brunt of some of her more passive-aggressive behaviors (saying we're ruining the joy of being a grandma for her, not speaking to us for a week at a time, etc.) anyway this pattern has repeated enough times where i'm just fed up. so after the last incident a couple of days ago, i told her that if your not going to respect our wishes, we won't send you any more pictures. she blew up at me for "policing" and "censoring" her. she's said that we're essentially cutting her off from her grandchild and how dare we. i'm really over how childish she's being. for the record, i have no problem we her sharing pictures by text or email or whatever to her friends and other family members. i'm also not barring her from coming to visit whenever she wants (she has the means to do so). she's otherwise a loving and devoted grandma and i would never want to deprive my child of a relationship with her. but i feel strongly about our social media moratorium and i don't want to budge on this. aita? [/INST] nta — she lives far away and you tried to graciously accommodate by sending her photos. you explained the rules and gave her several opportunities in hopes she will behave, and she didn’t. > we’re ruining the joy of being a grandma for her funny how she equates “posting” and having “attention” on social media as “joy”. there is people like that, so self-centered they don’t grasp the concept of privacy. </s>
|
AITA for demanding my roommate pays more for rent this month?
|
**update at the end !!!**
hey all, this is my first time posting on here so i am sorry if there are any mistakes.
i rent an apartment with my teammate by the college we both go to. we both lived there when we were at school, but since school is online now, i have been home. my roommate has been staying in the apartment with her boyfriend. our lease is supposed to end on may 23, 2020.
i woke up yesterday with an email from our manager about "my" request to extend the lease until may 31, 2020. i never asked for this. my roommate texted me that she is trying to haggle with the apartment manager about staying from may 24th - 31st for free, somehow. i informed her that i do not want to stay/pay for the apartment longer than the 23rd because that is when our lease ends. she says that she wants to stay longer to stay with her boyfriend before her boyfriend flies back to france (and she does not know when he will be able to come back to america) so she wants to spend as much time as possible with him. i said that's fine, but that it's not my problem.
she informs me she has already gone and changed the lease so that it ends on may 31st. i tell her that she cannot just go and sign things without my knowledge, that's not fair to me. i tell her i do not want to pay the extra money for rent (and utilities) that i wouldn't otherwise have to pay if we left on may 23rd as previously agreed upon. i tell her that she needs to pay that last week and that i will only be paying for rent up until the 23rd. i tell her she has to pay $467 on top of her regular part of the rent to cover it. (our rent is 2068/month. i divided that by 31 days and multiplied it by the 7 extra days she wants to stay which is $466.97). she doesn't want to and says she shouldn't have to pay that because our rent would have been the same regardless if we left on the 23rd or the 31st. i say that is not true because if we left on the 23rd, we would pay less because we did not stay the entire month. she does not get why i am making a big deal about this and feels as though she should not pay anything extra. when i try to explain that she involuntarily signed me up to pay more money, she claims to not understand how.
i informed her that i will still be canceling pge and xfinity regardless of if she leaves on the 23rd or the 31st (they're both in my name and i don't want her running charges up). she doesn't still seem to get why i am making a big deal and why i cannot just wait until the 31st to cancel everything and move out.
should i just bite my tongue and just pay my usual portion of the rent for the month and just chalk it up to one of those things or press the issue further?
**
| 300 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g425rb/aita_for_demanding_my_roommate_pays_more_for_rent/
|
2020-04-19 05:19:18
|
nta- go to r/legaladvice and see if theres anything you can do about this. don't pay a dime if you don't have to, simple as that.
|
info: did the roommate actually get the week for free or are you paying an increased amount for her to stay the extra week?
|
nta. i would chat with the landlord to make sure you get your full security deposit back. i would also make sure the landlord knows what's going on in case your former roommate tries to blame you.
|
i would absolutely not pay a single cent more than i agreed to. it was her decision, she can figure it out for herself. nta.
|
[deleted]
|
nta. you are paying rent on your original lease and she updated it without consent. if she wants to stay she needs to pay. maybe call your landlord if she won’t and tell them you never agreed to extend it? it seems like something they would be approval on by everyone who signed the lease.
are you sure you are getting charged for this week, or is this haggle thing with the landlord just delusional on her part?
|
nta at all. it's great that she wants a little more time with her boyfriend before he leaves.
it is absolutely not up to you to fund their going away celebration. she's expecting you to pay an additional 200+ dollars during a pandemic so that she can play house with her boyfriend for an extra week. absolutely not.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: **update at the end !!!** hey all, this is my first time posting on here so i am sorry if there are any mistakes. i rent an apartment with my teammate by the college we both go to. we both lived there when we were at school, but since school is online now, i have been home. my roommate has been staying in the apartment with her boyfriend. our lease is supposed to end on may 23, 2020. i woke up yesterday with an email from our manager about "my" request to extend the lease until may 31, 2020. i never asked for this. my roommate texted me that she is trying to haggle with the apartment manager about staying from may 24th - 31st for free, somehow. i informed her that i do not want to stay/pay for the apartment longer than the 23rd because that is when our lease ends. she says that she wants to stay longer to stay with her boyfriend before her boyfriend flies back to france (and she does not know when he will be able to come back to america) so she wants to spend as much time as possible with him. i said that's fine, but that it's not my problem. she informs me she has already gone and changed the lease so that it ends on may 31st. i tell her that she cannot just go and sign things without my knowledge, that's not fair to me. i tell her i do not want to pay the extra money for rent (and utilities) that i wouldn't otherwise have to pay if we left on may 23rd as previously agreed upon. i tell her that she needs to pay that last week and that i will only be paying for rent up until the 23rd. i tell her she has to pay $467 on top of her regular part of the rent to cover it. (our rent is 2068/month. i divided that by 31 days and multiplied it by the 7 extra days she wants to stay which is $466.97). she doesn't want to and says she shouldn't have to pay that because our rent would have been the same regardless if we left on the 23rd or the 31st. i say that is not true because if we left on the 23rd, we would pay less because we did not stay the entire month. she does not get why i am making a big deal about this and feels as though she should not pay anything extra. when i try to explain that she involuntarily signed me up to pay more money, she claims to not understand how. i informed her that i will still be canceling pge and xfinity regardless of if she leaves on the 23rd or the 31st (they're both in my name and i don't want her running charges up). she doesn't still seem to get why i am making a big deal and why i cannot just wait until the 31st to cancel everything and move out. should i just bite my tongue and just pay my usual portion of the rent for the month and just chalk it up to one of those things or press the issue further? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
**update at the end !!!** hey all, this is my first time posting on here so i am sorry if there are any mistakes. i rent an apartment with my teammate by the college we both go to. we both lived there when we were at school, but since school is online now, i have been home. my roommate has been staying in the apartment with her boyfriend. our lease is supposed to end on may 23, 2020. i woke up yesterday with an email from our manager about "my" request to extend the lease until may 31, 2020. i never asked for this. my roommate texted me that she is trying to haggle with the apartment manager about staying from may 24th - 31st for free, somehow. i informed her that i do not want to stay/pay for the apartment longer than the 23rd because that is when our lease ends. she says that she wants to stay longer to stay with her boyfriend before her boyfriend flies back to france (and she does not know when he will be able to come back to america) so she wants to spend as much time as possible with him. i said that's fine, but that it's not my problem. she informs me she has already gone and changed the lease so that it ends on may 31st. i tell her that she cannot just go and sign things without my knowledge, that's not fair to me. i tell her i do not want to pay the extra money for rent (and utilities) that i wouldn't otherwise have to pay if we left on may 23rd as previously agreed upon. i tell her that she needs to pay that last week and that i will only be paying for rent up until the 23rd. i tell her she has to pay $467 on top of her regular part of the rent to cover it. (our rent is 2068/month. i divided that by 31 days and multiplied it by the 7 extra days she wants to stay which is $466.97). she doesn't want to and says she shouldn't have to pay that because our rent would have been the same regardless if we left on the 23rd or the 31st. i say that is not true because if we left on the 23rd, we would pay less because we did not stay the entire month. she does not get why i am making a big deal about this and feels as though she should not pay anything extra. when i try to explain that she involuntarily signed me up to pay more money, she claims to not understand how. i informed her that i will still be canceling pge and xfinity regardless of if she leaves on the 23rd or the 31st (they're both in my name and i don't want her running charges up). she doesn't still seem to get why i am making a big deal and why i cannot just wait until the 31st to cancel everything and move out. should i just bite my tongue and just pay my usual portion of the rent for the month and just chalk it up to one of those things or press the issue further? ** [/INST] nta- go to r/legaladvice and see if theres anything you can do about this. don't pay a dime if you don't have to, simple as that. </s>
|
AITA for bullying an old lady who stole my avocados?
|
last year we bought a house with an avocado tree in the front yard. the tree was dried up, almost dead, and only gave hard, black, tiny avocados. after a year of watering and trimming and love and care it started producing good avocados. like, alot. maybe 300-400. i picked them all the time, gave them to neighbors, the mailman, basically anyone who asks gets a handful. i am not stingy with my avocados.
well, i work early mornings and have to leave my house by 5 am. couple of days ago i'm walking to my car and in my front yard is an old lady picking avocados from my tree! she has a pile of like 50 of them already picked and she had even brought one of those nice retractable poles with the fruit catcher at the end of it. (it was a really nice one)
i was soooooo pissed i just walked right up to her and snatched it from her hand. she had a total 'deer in the headlights' look, but once i grabbed the pole from her she starts yelling at me 'hey! that's mine!! that's mine!'
so i tossed it over our fence where our german shepard was barking. (good luck getting that back)
then i got right in her face and screamed "well those are my avocados now get the fuck off my yard!!".
i really scared her, i could see it in her face. i'm not hugely intimidating or anything 5'6"/f 135lbs but i was livid and i seriously wanted to fight her but she was a thousand years old and looked like mama coco from the movie coco.
so i got in my car and sped away .leaving her to pick up the pile of avocados she had already picked.
well afterwards i was telling my coworkers what happened and they all said i was a jerk for screaming at her and stealing her stick since she was just an old lady probably trying to make some money because she's poor.
and i'm thinking...am i the asshole?
if it makes any difference, i also told my neighbors what happened and they said they see her walk around our neighborhood all the time with that stick stealing lemons and other fruit from ppl.
it's my stick now.
| 482 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/avnue5/aita_for_bullying_an_old_lady_who_stole_my/
|
2019-02-28 06:28:35
|
nta. you probably could’ve handled it a little more calmly at first but either way she was stealing from your property and had no right to do that. being old doesn’t excuse being an asshole.
|
nta. and she's stealing lemon? that lemon stealing whore!
|
nta - your house your tree your avocados, if she had asked then fine but no, fair play going so early to rob your fruit thats commitment, but hows the stick will it be useful what brand is it?
|
i’m not here to pass judgement, i’d just like to express my hilarity of how happy you sound to have her stick.
|
i feel like people on this site have a very black and white sense of right and wrong. be nice and polite to people who are stealing your property? like? yeah she's old but she knows better and shes stealing anyway. if she wants to take your avocados you can have her damn pole imo lol
|
esh. i was with you up to the point where you took her pole.
|
nta when you have a garden, you understand how hard you work to take care of your plants. it’s very frustrating when people think they can just take your things without asking. also she knew what she was doing that’s why she came prepared. hopefully now she’ll stop stealing from you and the neighbors gardens.
|
nta. theft is theft. would people be saying the same thing if they were in your house helping themselves to your food? being some dessicated old prune doesn't exempt you.
|
[deleted]
|
nta
to everyone saying she is, you're not taking into account some facts here. the old lady had a pile of avocados she was ready to take, she had a stick specifically for taking fruit from trees, and she's been seen by other neighbors doing it to other people.
if it's a one off, grabbed an avocado cause she needed one for something, i could see this being a gross overreaction. but the fact of the matter is, this old lady has been doing this on multiple occasions. op did right, cause now she's gonna really think about the consequences before she tries to steal a gross amount of produce from her neighbors.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.024102 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last year we bought a house with an avocado tree in the front yard. the tree was dried up, almost dead, and only gave hard, black, tiny avocados. after a year of watering and trimming and love and care it started producing good avocados. like, alot. maybe 300-400. i picked them all the time, gave them to neighbors, the mailman, basically anyone who asks gets a handful. i am not stingy with my avocados. well, i work early mornings and have to leave my house by 5 am. couple of days ago i'm walking to my car and in my front yard is an old lady picking avocados from my tree! she has a pile of like 50 of them already picked and she had even brought one of those nice retractable poles with the fruit catcher at the end of it. (it was a really nice one) i was soooooo pissed i just walked right up to her and snatched it from her hand. she had a total 'deer in the headlights' look, but once i grabbed the pole from her she starts yelling at me 'hey! that's mine!! that's mine!' so i tossed it over our fence where our german shepard was barking. (good luck getting that back) then i got right in her face and screamed "well those are my avocados now get the fuck off my yard!!". i really scared her, i could see it in her face. i'm not hugely intimidating or anything 5'6"/f 135lbs but i was livid and i seriously wanted to fight her but she was a thousand years old and looked like mama coco from the movie coco. so i got in my car and sped away .leaving her to pick up the pile of avocados she had already picked. well afterwards i was telling my coworkers what happened and they all said i was a jerk for screaming at her and stealing her stick since she was just an old lady probably trying to make some money because she's poor. and i'm thinking...am i the asshole? if it makes any difference, i also told my neighbors what happened and they said they see her walk around our neighborhood all the time with that stick stealing lemons and other fruit from ppl. it's my stick now.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last year we bought a house with an avocado tree in the front yard. the tree was dried up, almost dead, and only gave hard, black, tiny avocados. after a year of watering and trimming and love and care it started producing good avocados. like, alot. maybe 300-400. i picked them all the time, gave them to neighbors, the mailman, basically anyone who asks gets a handful. i am not stingy with my avocados. well, i work early mornings and have to leave my house by 5 am. couple of days ago i'm walking to my car and in my front yard is an old lady picking avocados from my tree! she has a pile of like 50 of them already picked and she had even brought one of those nice retractable poles with the fruit catcher at the end of it. (it was a really nice one) i was soooooo pissed i just walked right up to her and snatched it from her hand. she had a total 'deer in the headlights' look, but once i grabbed the pole from her she starts yelling at me 'hey! that's mine!! that's mine!' so i tossed it over our fence where our german shepard was barking. (good luck getting that back) then i got right in her face and screamed "well those are my avocados now get the fuck off my yard!!". i really scared her, i could see it in her face. i'm not hugely intimidating or anything 5'6"/f 135lbs but i was livid and i seriously wanted to fight her but she was a thousand years old and looked like mama coco from the movie coco. so i got in my car and sped away .leaving her to pick up the pile of avocados she had already picked. well afterwards i was telling my coworkers what happened and they all said i was a jerk for screaming at her and stealing her stick since she was just an old lady probably trying to make some money because she's poor. and i'm thinking...am i the asshole? if it makes any difference, i also told my neighbors what happened and they said they see her walk around our neighborhood all the time with that stick stealing lemons and other fruit from ppl. it's my stick now. [/INST] nta. you probably could’ve handled it a little more calmly at first but either way she was stealing from your property and had no right to do that. being old doesn’t excuse being an asshole. </s>
|
AITA for grounding my son for this(taking his phone, no parties/going out with friends)
|
last night, i heard my son talking to one of his friends about a kid at his school who is less fortunate then him(calling him poor, joking about what he wears/looks like). i buy my son nice things(expensive shoes/clothes, and a new iphone every year) but to hear him talking down on someone less fortunate then him like he worked for anything that he has really hurt me. today, i took his phone and told him that he was grounded for 2 months and explained why. he claimed he was just joking but i still took his phone. he hasn’t talked to me since. am i the asshole and what should i do?
| 2,296 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hz5qre/aita_for_grounding_my_son_for_thistaking_his/
|
2020-07-28 01:52:02
|
nta, but i’d recommend a different sort of punishment, 2 months of grounding and he’s more likely to “get revenge” at the poorer kid. the better thing to do would be to suspend his spending for a little while imo as well as talking to him abt his actions.
|
yta for buying him a new iphone every year. what message do you think this sends him? that money grows on trees?
|
esh. two months is a long time to ground a kid. if this is the first time you've talked to him about this kind of behavior, you should start off with a more reasonable punishment, if any.
remember that your ultimate goal is to teach him to be a better person. punishing him too severely will have him resenting you and your point will be completely lost.
|
nta. your son needs a slice of humble pie.
|
i don't really think your son will learn the lesson from that punishment. that punishment won't show him how hard life can be for the less fortunate, it's not just about the expensive clothes, parties or iphones.
you should find another way to show your son that he is really lucky and maybe should not take all those luxuries for granted and he won't go anywhere treating already miserable people like that.
yta not for thinking that your son deserves a lesson, because clearly he does, but for the absurd punishment.
|
soft esh. your son is cruel and your actions enable him. that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, but by consistently buying him very nice, expensive things it gives him the sense of entitlement. giving your children nice things is great, but a new iphone every year is the definition of spoiling. but your punishment is justified and it’s great that you’re taking action now.
|
nta. he’s lucky it was only 2 months and that you aren’t making him volunteer at homeless shelters and such (after quarantines and such obviously)
|
esh - you have spoiled the kid; and as a result, he's a spoiled kid. this is my surprised face :o
|
nta, but a couple of things - 2 months is a long time for a kid, and what does it teach him? and two, teach him about how to treat other, budgeting, donating to those less fortunate, sharing, being humble, and being thankful. it's great that you're financially able to do all of this, but at what cost? you've raised a son that makes fun of 'poor people,' he doesn't respect you, & likely has no concept of how to spend responsibly.
|
a lot of us who have teenagers now were bought up by boomers screaming in our ear that getting a job and owning a house would fix everything. in the end it became easier for us to get out and at least find a job and somewhere else to live then put up with what we were copping. problem is when we then went and had kids we forgot that we still had more freedom than they do, that we are the ones who go out of our way to make sure they don't miss out like we did, partly to compensate for the fact that we can't send them out to roam the neighbourhoods anymore because it's so damned unsafe, these kids have no independence and just aren't geared to survive on their own anymore. i've had to readjust a lot of thinking over the last ten odd years. it's doable. in your case with your son, don't take his means of communicsting with his friends. he will just resent you and won't learn anything. you are better off starting to actively teach him what it means to work with money. depending on how old he is of course. our guys used to have this attitude of you have money so we can have stuff. once i started showing them what bills actually cost, what groceries cost and how to do them, rent or mortgage payments, then clothes and doctors and other payments, they realised very quickly that money isn't so easy to come by.
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| null | 0.770882 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last night, i heard my son talking to one of his friends about a kid at his school who is less fortunate then him(calling him poor, joking about what he wears/looks like). i buy my son nice things(expensive shoes/clothes, and a new iphone every year) but to hear him talking down on someone less fortunate then him like he worked for anything that he has really hurt me. today, i took his phone and told him that he was grounded for 2 months and explained why. he claimed he was just joking but i still took his phone. he hasn’t talked to me since. am i the asshole and what should i do?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last night, i heard my son talking to one of his friends about a kid at his school who is less fortunate then him(calling him poor, joking about what he wears/looks like). i buy my son nice things(expensive shoes/clothes, and a new iphone every year) but to hear him talking down on someone less fortunate then him like he worked for anything that he has really hurt me. today, i took his phone and told him that he was grounded for 2 months and explained why. he claimed he was just joking but i still took his phone. he hasn’t talked to me since. am i the asshole and what should i do? [/INST] nta, but i’d recommend a different sort of punishment, 2 months of grounding and he’s more likely to “get revenge” at the poorer kid. the better thing to do would be to suspend his spending for a little while imo as well as talking to him abt his actions. </s>
|
AITA for not giving the necklace back?
|
okay, some background. i (19f) got a necklace from my mother when i was 3 y.o. that she found in a box when she cleaned the barn after my dad's mother died.
it's quite old, and i know it was my fathers mothers, but i don't know much else about it. it's incredibly important to me. i've worn it for weddings, a fueral and for my dad's 50th birthday. other than that its sits on a small display.
so. here's the issue. my dad has said nothing about me being given this necklace all these years, even knowing it was his mother's. he recently went through a bad situation at work and got fired, had a minor breakdown and got on new meds, and now he suddenly wants the necklace back.
i think it is for potential money (he recently sold his father's 1960's omega watch, he says he doesn't place sentimental values on items) but i can't be sure. i'm afraid he regrets selling that watch and now suddenly wants the necklace as a "replacement", but refuses to admit it.
he shuts up the conversation with "it's mine, so give it back, no discussion". i've been avoiding him for the last week because he got angry when i argued about it. i really don't want to give that necklace up, at least not if he plans to sell it. but i get that just because my mother gave me something at some point, that might not mean i "get to keep it", if my dad decides he now regrets letting me have it.
aita for not wanting to give the necklace back?
| 324 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o30r4b/aita_for_not_giving_the_necklace_back/
|
2021-06-18 21:30:27
|
nta - it's been yours all these years. i'd recommend hiding it and/or keeping it in a secure place.
|
your mother gave it to you. your father had 16 years to object and never did. he doesn't get to claim ownership now. you do get to keep it. nta
he lost his job and already sold something. this is about money. put the necklace somewhere he can't just help himself to it, because he might feel entitled and desperate enough to do so. is there some other way you can offer to help with family finances?
|
but it's not his.... it's yours. so his very childish "its mine" argument is not only incredibly petty, it is also inaccurate. if he has a problem with your mother gifting it to you he can take it up with her. or grow up and have a adult conversation.
nta.
|
nta find a safe keeping place for the necklace and any other valuables, he is desperate and his now pawning things for the cash.
|
nta - it isn't his, it's yours. the time to object was when your mother was going to give it to you. it has been yours for 16 years, it's yours. i highly doubt he wants it to replace the watch. he wants it to sell it to resolve his financial difficulties. if you give it to him, you will never see it again.
|
nta - end the discussion and hide the necklace. maybe even have it appraised. no matter the value - consider a safety deposit box at a bank. he almost seems desperate to sell it. after it's safe/out of the house and he brings it up again-- sorry dad, had it on and the clasp must have broken, i lost it. (curious, what does mom say?)
|
nta- he knows it was given to you all these years and never said anything. it was a gift and if he had an issue he should have said something back then. you didn’t steal it and it is yours. it is your necklace not his anymore. don’t give it back and i recommend if you live with him to keep it hidden.
|
nta
it's your mother's gift to you and not on loan from your father.
it's your property.
|
nta it’s not his, it never was. if it was found in a barn there’s really no way to be sure it was his mothers, but even if it was it still doesn’t make it his. it wasn’t hers when she passed so it wasn’t part of her will or passed on to him. it was given by your mother to you and has been yours your whole life. and for what it’s worth, i think it’s pretty crappy of him to take away something special from his own daughter. i recommend telling him you’ve had it valued and it’s just worthless costume jewellery.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, some background. i (19f) got a necklace from my mother when i was 3 y.o. that she found in a box when she cleaned the barn after my dad's mother died. it's quite old, and i know it was my fathers mothers, but i don't know much else about it. it's incredibly important to me. i've worn it for weddings, a fueral and for my dad's 50th birthday. other than that its sits on a small display. so. here's the issue. my dad has said nothing about me being given this necklace all these years, even knowing it was his mother's. he recently went through a bad situation at work and got fired, had a minor breakdown and got on new meds, and now he suddenly wants the necklace back. i think it is for potential money (he recently sold his father's 1960's omega watch, he says he doesn't place sentimental values on items) but i can't be sure. i'm afraid he regrets selling that watch and now suddenly wants the necklace as a "replacement", but refuses to admit it. he shuts up the conversation with "it's mine, so give it back, no discussion". i've been avoiding him for the last week because he got angry when i argued about it. i really don't want to give that necklace up, at least not if he plans to sell it. but i get that just because my mother gave me something at some point, that might not mean i "get to keep it", if my dad decides he now regrets letting me have it. aita for not wanting to give the necklace back?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, some background. i (19f) got a necklace from my mother when i was 3 y.o. that she found in a box when she cleaned the barn after my dad's mother died. it's quite old, and i know it was my fathers mothers, but i don't know much else about it. it's incredibly important to me. i've worn it for weddings, a fueral and for my dad's 50th birthday. other than that its sits on a small display. so. here's the issue. my dad has said nothing about me being given this necklace all these years, even knowing it was his mother's. he recently went through a bad situation at work and got fired, had a minor breakdown and got on new meds, and now he suddenly wants the necklace back. i think it is for potential money (he recently sold his father's 1960's omega watch, he says he doesn't place sentimental values on items) but i can't be sure. i'm afraid he regrets selling that watch and now suddenly wants the necklace as a "replacement", but refuses to admit it. he shuts up the conversation with "it's mine, so give it back, no discussion". i've been avoiding him for the last week because he got angry when i argued about it. i really don't want to give that necklace up, at least not if he plans to sell it. but i get that just because my mother gave me something at some point, that might not mean i "get to keep it", if my dad decides he now regrets letting me have it. aita for not wanting to give the necklace back? [/INST] nta - it's been yours all these years. i'd recommend hiding it and/or keeping it in a secure place. </s>
|
AITA for checking the mail while the neighbors were fighting?
|
a young couple (early twenties) moved in across the street from my boyfriend and i a few months ago. they fight constantly. it’s always the girlfriend screaming at the guy while he just silently takes care of their kid.
yesterday i was heading to a doctors appointment and i needed to check if my new insurance card had arrived. there is a treatment i’m on a waitlist for and i can’t start it till they have a copy of my insurance which has been a huge headache to work with. i’ve been waiting for months for this treatment so it’s a pretty big deal that i get my card to then as soon as humanly possible.
before i went to the mailbox i saw the neighbors in another one of their fights standing right next to the mailboxes. my boyfriend told me to just wait and check the mail after my appointment to avoid getting involved in their drama. he said we can just drop the card off at the clinic later if it had arrived. i didn’t want to do this because i didn’t want to risk delaying things any longer since this is a treatment i really really need.
unfortunately when i went to the mailbox the girlfriend started berating me about “enjoying the show.” i told her i didn’t care about what’s going on with them i just needed to get the mail and then i went back inside. my boyfriend called me an asshole for involving myself and kept saying i told you so. he thinks it’s going to cause problems with them. personally i don’t really care because i got my card and their lease is up in a few months anyway. we also have security cameras so if the girlfriend tried anything we’d have it all on tape.
aita?
| 15,076 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8664d/aita_for_checking_the_mail_while_the_neighbors/
|
2020-06-13 11:56:20
|
nta. if the neighbours don't want people enjoying the show then they shouldn't be putting on the show in a public place.
|
big nta you were just getting a insurance card not trying to get closer and enjoy the show like she thought... you boyfriend kind of seems like ta for telling you that you might be causing issues with them though
|
nta, but you could have said that you weren't really enjoying it because it's a rerun from last week, and that she should get some fresh content.
|
nta, she was in public what was she expecting? that you would walk blindfolded to your mailbox? you are just living your life, if she doesn't want to be a shit show for everyone to see, she can start a therapy.
|
nta!
your boyfriend is a contradiction: spineless behavior towards the neighbors, but quick to insult you for not cowering to them like he does.
your neighbors and your boyfriend are the assholes here.
|
[removed]
|
nta you need those cards. plus why does he care about a terrible relationship he isn’t a part of? those two didn’t need to be fighting in a public space like that.
|
nta. idc if you needed that card or just wanted to get your mail. they chose to argue in public that's just trashy. and blocking the mailboxes for others makes them assholes.
also, your boyfriend is a bit of an asshole and way too concerned about what other people think instead of what's important.
|
nta. enjoying the show? she’s the one arguing with her bf outside. what an asshole!
|
this is about your edit. you are scared to call the police to do their job because they will escalate the situation with violence. this is why people are protesting in the streets this past month.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a young couple (early twenties) moved in across the street from my boyfriend and i a few months ago. they fight constantly. it’s always the girlfriend screaming at the guy while he just silently takes care of their kid. yesterday i was heading to a doctors appointment and i needed to check if my new insurance card had arrived. there is a treatment i’m on a waitlist for and i can’t start it till they have a copy of my insurance which has been a huge headache to work with. i’ve been waiting for months for this treatment so it’s a pretty big deal that i get my card to then as soon as humanly possible. before i went to the mailbox i saw the neighbors in another one of their fights standing right next to the mailboxes. my boyfriend told me to just wait and check the mail after my appointment to avoid getting involved in their drama. he said we can just drop the card off at the clinic later if it had arrived. i didn’t want to do this because i didn’t want to risk delaying things any longer since this is a treatment i really really need. unfortunately when i went to the mailbox the girlfriend started berating me about “enjoying the show.” i told her i didn’t care about what’s going on with them i just needed to get the mail and then i went back inside. my boyfriend called me an asshole for involving myself and kept saying i told you so. he thinks it’s going to cause problems with them. personally i don’t really care because i got my card and their lease is up in a few months anyway. we also have security cameras so if the girlfriend tried anything we’d have it all on tape. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a young couple (early twenties) moved in across the street from my boyfriend and i a few months ago. they fight constantly. it’s always the girlfriend screaming at the guy while he just silently takes care of their kid. yesterday i was heading to a doctors appointment and i needed to check if my new insurance card had arrived. there is a treatment i’m on a waitlist for and i can’t start it till they have a copy of my insurance which has been a huge headache to work with. i’ve been waiting for months for this treatment so it’s a pretty big deal that i get my card to then as soon as humanly possible. before i went to the mailbox i saw the neighbors in another one of their fights standing right next to the mailboxes. my boyfriend told me to just wait and check the mail after my appointment to avoid getting involved in their drama. he said we can just drop the card off at the clinic later if it had arrived. i didn’t want to do this because i didn’t want to risk delaying things any longer since this is a treatment i really really need. unfortunately when i went to the mailbox the girlfriend started berating me about “enjoying the show.” i told her i didn’t care about what’s going on with them i just needed to get the mail and then i went back inside. my boyfriend called me an asshole for involving myself and kept saying i told you so. he thinks it’s going to cause problems with them. personally i don’t really care because i got my card and their lease is up in a few months anyway. we also have security cameras so if the girlfriend tried anything we’d have it all on tape. aita? [/INST] nta. if the neighbours don't want people enjoying the show then they shouldn't be putting on the show in a public place. </s>
|
AITA for calling my brother an idiot & giving him the cold shoulder?
|
i (25m) have a family of 10 siblings, parents are estranged from 7/10 siblings (i’m one of the 7).
we had a really abusive childhood & we have all turned 17/18 and moved out depending on the state we were living in at the time. due to the chronic abuse, there is a high level of ptsd with all siblings.
there were three of us that were born each 2 years apart. as kids, we were okay but i was the odd one out in the trio. brother a (27) and i now get along great & have a healthy relationship.
brother b (29) always has been demeaning and still lives in the ‘you’re younger than me, you’re dumber than me’ mentality rather than maturing out. he has not taken the pandemic seriously at all, going to the point of not telling us that he was staying with a sick friend whose roommate had tested positive for covid until after he was at our christmas.
the night before our family christmas, i drove to stay with brother c & his wife. brother a & b showed up later for dinner.
we were playing a game my sister in law asks me why i’m being short with brother b after he tries to turn the conversation into a joke for the upteenth time. (it’s either sexual or completely off unrelated just to bring attention back to him, doesn’t care about the convo).
i shoot a casual “i dunno, the immaturity is tiring”.
we talk about growing up, the trio & how brother a & i get along great now even though we fought all the time when we were younger. we talked about brother b & how he wouldn’t give me a ride to school (multiple times) even if i missed the bus (going to the same school) so id have to be absent that day.
the discussion spirals & the question is asked again but “seriously”.
i tell them “he demeans who i am, even when making sacrifices for him, always interrupts conversation and tries to turn them sexual/inappropriate. he’s an idiot & i only have so much patience for the comments”
the next afternoon he tries to start a conversation after a day full of inappropriate comments & conspiracy theories. i ignore him.
sister in law thinks i was too harsh and need to apologize for calling him an idiot & ignoring him.
i don’t think i need to.
why i think i might be wrong? brother b is once again back in contact with mom. same cycle of abuse. he thinks he’s fine/doesn’t see ptsd believes our childhood is behind us. it’ll last a few months and he’ll go back to no contact and say he’s done with relationships with her.
my sister in law tried to say that the inappropriate comments is just his way of coping.
aita?
| 183 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/krjnmh/aita_for_calling_my_brother_an_idiot_giving_him/
|
2021-01-06 08:17:10
|
nta. you dont need to take abuse or be uncomfortable due to someone else if they aren't even making an effort to better the situation at all. tell your sister that she didn't have to experience all that abuse from him and that you cant just ignore all that.
|
nta.
your sil might be right. that the inappropriate comments are his way of coping. i grew up in an abusive household and there was a time when i was so angry at the world that everything i said was sarcastic or demeaning. it's not a good place to be.
however, that's a reason, not an excuse. your brother is responsible for his behavior. he doesn't get a free pass.
(and actually, this is a hard-learned lesson for me. tell your sil that you expect your brother to be a mature adult, who is capable of accepting responsibility for his behavior. treating him like he doesn't have to meet the same standards as other people is essentially telling him that he's incapable or "less than" everyone else.)
|
nta. truth hurts.
|
nta
he likely hasn't truly dealt with the childhood trauma or thinks he's above it. either way his behavior isn't your problem keep it short and curt with him until he evolves. your sil is an enabler of his inappropriate conduct.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (25m) have a family of 10 siblings, parents are estranged from 7/10 siblings (i’m one of the 7). we had a really abusive childhood & we have all turned 17/18 and moved out depending on the state we were living in at the time. due to the chronic abuse, there is a high level of ptsd with all siblings. there were three of us that were born each 2 years apart. as kids, we were okay but i was the odd one out in the trio. brother a (27) and i now get along great & have a healthy relationship. brother b (29) always has been demeaning and still lives in the ‘you’re younger than me, you’re dumber than me’ mentality rather than maturing out. he has not taken the pandemic seriously at all, going to the point of not telling us that he was staying with a sick friend whose roommate had tested positive for covid until after he was at our christmas. the night before our family christmas, i drove to stay with brother c & his wife. brother a & b showed up later for dinner. we were playing a game my sister in law asks me why i’m being short with brother b after he tries to turn the conversation into a joke for the upteenth time. (it’s either sexual or completely off unrelated just to bring attention back to him, doesn’t care about the convo). i shoot a casual “i dunno, the immaturity is tiring”. we talk about growing up, the trio & how brother a & i get along great now even though we fought all the time when we were younger. we talked about brother b & how he wouldn’t give me a ride to school (multiple times) even if i missed the bus (going to the same school) so id have to be absent that day. the discussion spirals & the question is asked again but “seriously”. i tell them “he demeans who i am, even when making sacrifices for him, always interrupts conversation and tries to turn them sexual/inappropriate. he’s an idiot & i only have so much patience for the comments” the next afternoon he tries to start a conversation after a day full of inappropriate comments & conspiracy theories. i ignore him. sister in law thinks i was too harsh and need to apologize for calling him an idiot & ignoring him. i don’t think i need to. why i think i might be wrong? brother b is once again back in contact with mom. same cycle of abuse. he thinks he’s fine/doesn’t see ptsd believes our childhood is behind us. it’ll last a few months and he’ll go back to no contact and say he’s done with relationships with her. my sister in law tried to say that the inappropriate comments is just his way of coping. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (25m) have a family of 10 siblings, parents are estranged from 7/10 siblings (i’m one of the 7). we had a really abusive childhood & we have all turned 17/18 and moved out depending on the state we were living in at the time. due to the chronic abuse, there is a high level of ptsd with all siblings. there were three of us that were born each 2 years apart. as kids, we were okay but i was the odd one out in the trio. brother a (27) and i now get along great & have a healthy relationship. brother b (29) always has been demeaning and still lives in the ‘you’re younger than me, you’re dumber than me’ mentality rather than maturing out. he has not taken the pandemic seriously at all, going to the point of not telling us that he was staying with a sick friend whose roommate had tested positive for covid until after he was at our christmas. the night before our family christmas, i drove to stay with brother c & his wife. brother a & b showed up later for dinner. we were playing a game my sister in law asks me why i’m being short with brother b after he tries to turn the conversation into a joke for the upteenth time. (it’s either sexual or completely off unrelated just to bring attention back to him, doesn’t care about the convo). i shoot a casual “i dunno, the immaturity is tiring”. we talk about growing up, the trio & how brother a & i get along great now even though we fought all the time when we were younger. we talked about brother b & how he wouldn’t give me a ride to school (multiple times) even if i missed the bus (going to the same school) so id have to be absent that day. the discussion spirals & the question is asked again but “seriously”. i tell them “he demeans who i am, even when making sacrifices for him, always interrupts conversation and tries to turn them sexual/inappropriate. he’s an idiot & i only have so much patience for the comments” the next afternoon he tries to start a conversation after a day full of inappropriate comments & conspiracy theories. i ignore him. sister in law thinks i was too harsh and need to apologize for calling him an idiot & ignoring him. i don’t think i need to. why i think i might be wrong? brother b is once again back in contact with mom. same cycle of abuse. he thinks he’s fine/doesn’t see ptsd believes our childhood is behind us. it’ll last a few months and he’ll go back to no contact and say he’s done with relationships with her. my sister in law tried to say that the inappropriate comments is just his way of coping. aita? [/INST] nta. you dont need to take abuse or be uncomfortable due to someone else if they aren't even making an effort to better the situation at all. tell your sister that she didn't have to experience all that abuse from him and that you cant just ignore all that. </s>
|
AITA for telling roommates sister it's not my fault her child was scratched by my cat?
|
i (27 non binary ) suffer from severe ptsd, and schizophrenia. i know not everyone considers emotional service animals as actual therapy animals but i have a cat that my own therapist has helped me find. she's a sweet 3 year old girl and because i am also physically disabled and home everyday, is always with me. she lays on me, she knows when i'm having an episode and acts as my focus point to keep me from freaking out.
this week my roommates sister was over with her seven year old- the sister knows of my conditions and that my cat doesn't like to be separated from ne. she has told her daughter this and she said okay.
however at lunch she ran over to try to pick up my cat who was laying on my chest, despite the fact that i was in my bedroom and on the floor having an episode. meaning she opened the door to my bedroom, well when she tried to yank my cat up the cat hissed and scratched her.
obviously the child was crying and the sister was screaming at me that my vicious animal attacked her child but i told her that it was her own fault for not keeping an eye on her child and that i want going to pay for the medical supplies she was going to go to the drug store to get. it wasn't a deep cut but we don't have a first aid kit.
roommate is on my side but the sister thinks i'm the biggest ass in the world. am i?
added: i have just bought a first aid kit, thank you all for encouraging me to go out and do so. to explain a little, during my episodes i can get to the point where i don't know where i am or what's going on around me, so i wasn't able to just hold my cat and tell the child to go away.
| 176 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iuzj8t/aita_for_telling_roommates_sister_its_not_my/
|
2020-09-18 04:37:47
|
nta, if it was my kid she would have been told she got what she deserved and get over it.
|
nta.
1. she went into a strangers room.
2. she did so without permission.
3. she did so to get to something she knew she wasn't allowed to take/touch.
4. the mother blamed you for her daughter breaking rules, putting herself in a compromising situation, and then faced the physical consequences of her actions. all because she was too busy hanging out with her friend.
5. you offered to pay for her med supplies. which is what? disinfectant, neosporin, and a bandaid?
you reacted so calmly.
i. would. have. lost. my. shit. actually i have... my friend brought her kids over and they would not stop following my cats into the bedrooms after i told her to tell them not to that i snapped and told the kids "you really should learn your manners and not go into people's bedrooms without askong first. my cats don't like to be chased."
the mom was embarrassed but cool about it and the kids have not been allowed back over since (this was at least 4 years ago). i dont trust kids around my pets. my cats can be unpredictable, my dog likes to jump, my rabbits bite and scratch. if you aren't used to their specific personalities animals can be hard to predict and too many adults think that their kids know animal behavior when they really really don't.
|
nta. father of two here. 6 and 8 years old. sister is what you'd call an /r/entitledparents. daughter was warned, opened a closed door, and tried to pick up a service animal in someone else's home. any of these three would've gotten me on my child's case, screaming or no. all 3 and sister is blaming you? yeah no.
|
big nta. i have 2 cats who have some anxiety around children. they met my nieces a couple years ago when they were approx 4, 7 and 10. i explained to them how my cats were and they approached them slowly and calmly and would let them have space if they ran away. if a 4 year old can understand how to behave around an animal a 7 year old sure as hell can too.
|
nta - as a parent two things you teach a child, that they should know by that age is. don't go in other's room without their permission and don't pet animals that arent your's without the owner's permission.
if this had been a dog in the park she could've really gotten hurt.
the mother should be using this as a learning opportunity to teach her child these rules. and that getting scratched was a consequence of not following them.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (27 non binary ) suffer from severe ptsd, and schizophrenia. i know not everyone considers emotional service animals as actual therapy animals but i have a cat that my own therapist has helped me find. she's a sweet 3 year old girl and because i am also physically disabled and home everyday, is always with me. she lays on me, she knows when i'm having an episode and acts as my focus point to keep me from freaking out. this week my roommates sister was over with her seven year old- the sister knows of my conditions and that my cat doesn't like to be separated from ne. she has told her daughter this and she said okay. however at lunch she ran over to try to pick up my cat who was laying on my chest, despite the fact that i was in my bedroom and on the floor having an episode. meaning she opened the door to my bedroom, well when she tried to yank my cat up the cat hissed and scratched her. obviously the child was crying and the sister was screaming at me that my vicious animal attacked her child but i told her that it was her own fault for not keeping an eye on her child and that i want going to pay for the medical supplies she was going to go to the drug store to get. it wasn't a deep cut but we don't have a first aid kit. roommate is on my side but the sister thinks i'm the biggest ass in the world. am i? added: i have just bought a first aid kit, thank you all for encouraging me to go out and do so. to explain a little, during my episodes i can get to the point where i don't know where i am or what's going on around me, so i wasn't able to just hold my cat and tell the child to go away.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (27 non binary ) suffer from severe ptsd, and schizophrenia. i know not everyone considers emotional service animals as actual therapy animals but i have a cat that my own therapist has helped me find. she's a sweet 3 year old girl and because i am also physically disabled and home everyday, is always with me. she lays on me, she knows when i'm having an episode and acts as my focus point to keep me from freaking out. this week my roommates sister was over with her seven year old- the sister knows of my conditions and that my cat doesn't like to be separated from ne. she has told her daughter this and she said okay. however at lunch she ran over to try to pick up my cat who was laying on my chest, despite the fact that i was in my bedroom and on the floor having an episode. meaning she opened the door to my bedroom, well when she tried to yank my cat up the cat hissed and scratched her. obviously the child was crying and the sister was screaming at me that my vicious animal attacked her child but i told her that it was her own fault for not keeping an eye on her child and that i want going to pay for the medical supplies she was going to go to the drug store to get. it wasn't a deep cut but we don't have a first aid kit. roommate is on my side but the sister thinks i'm the biggest ass in the world. am i? added: i have just bought a first aid kit, thank you all for encouraging me to go out and do so. to explain a little, during my episodes i can get to the point where i don't know where i am or what's going on around me, so i wasn't able to just hold my cat and tell the child to go away. [/INST] nta, if it was my kid she would have been told she got what she deserved and get over it. </s>
|
AITA for not helping at work?
|
my job has constant callouts and no shows. that results in employees having to do more than one job at a time. it sucks but no biggie. manager is a sweetheart and does his best to work with people and around hiccups.
i work 1st shift. it's usually very hectic and physical so i'm tired when i get off. because of callouts/no shows, i'm always asked to stay til "the next person comes in." i always say no. when it's time to go, i'm leaving. every time, the shift manager on duty gets an attitude with me and tries to argue that i'm not a team player. that i won't help when i'm needed and it reflects badly on me. i always say i've done my part. i show up for my scheduled shift and pull my weight. if i stay, i have no idea what time i'll get off. it's no guarantee someone will show up at a reasonable time either. i shouldn't be punished for someone else when i've done my job.
today the manager said i can leave but she'll write me up for abandoning shift. i got pissed and told her if she does i won't come in tomorrow and left. my coworker text me saying i was an ass because i know we're short and the manager was right to be mad at me. they need help during the time i'm leaving and i'm a bigger asshole if i don't come in because i'd put more strain on them. aita for not helping them?
| 737 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qjax2o/aita_for_not_helping_at_work/
|
2021-10-30 21:22:22
|
nta, youre an employee, not a door mat.
lots of other places are desperate for workers so if this boss gives you crap you can go elsewhere
|
nta why would the manager punish the people who do show up instead of the people calling out and not showing up? that's a great way to lose all your employees. op i hope you can find a better job
|
nta if she writes you up for not doing overtime, then you go straight to hr.
|
nta
over the years i’ve realized that employee loyalty to companies is bullshit. the vast majority, including yours from the sound of it, will never return that loyalty to you.
|
that business is not your responsibility. if they don't hire enough people to cover shifts, then they are assholes. you should work to live not live to work. sounds like your friend needs some perspective.
|
nta, obviously. if you show up on time and give it your all when you work your shift, you're morally in the clear. you're not a manger, and scheduling is not your responsibility.
that said, is this a serious job where you plan on staying for a long period of time, or one where you actually want to advance or continue to work in the field? if it's not serious and you're just working to pay the bills, then you're fine and ignore the next paragraph.
if this is a serious job, then despite not being ta you're still shooting yourself in the foot. your manager isn't exactly wrong that you're not being a team player. assuming that they're paying you for the extra time and not just looking for free labor, occasionally saying yes when you're asked to stay and help out is in your best long-term interests if you really care about the job.
|
you're "needed" because they refuse to hire more workers. i would start looking for a new job immediately, because your status here as someone who "should be helping out" is not going to change.
nta. you owe the company you work for absolutely nothing but the hours you've signed up for.
|
nta. scheduling and staffing issues are not your problem. they are the manager's problem, and the manager is not doing his job. if this is a daily occurrence, people enabling him by covering for his mistakes are only going to make things worse. and if you do get written up for "abandoning shift" when your shift was over, you should really go above his head. do you have a union, or a labor relations board?
|
>today the manager said i can leave but she'll write me up for abandoning shift.
is this the shift manager or your manager?
|
nta. and don't sign that write up if she goes through with it.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my job has constant callouts and no shows. that results in employees having to do more than one job at a time. it sucks but no biggie. manager is a sweetheart and does his best to work with people and around hiccups. i work 1st shift. it's usually very hectic and physical so i'm tired when i get off. because of callouts/no shows, i'm always asked to stay til "the next person comes in." i always say no. when it's time to go, i'm leaving. every time, the shift manager on duty gets an attitude with me and tries to argue that i'm not a team player. that i won't help when i'm needed and it reflects badly on me. i always say i've done my part. i show up for my scheduled shift and pull my weight. if i stay, i have no idea what time i'll get off. it's no guarantee someone will show up at a reasonable time either. i shouldn't be punished for someone else when i've done my job. today the manager said i can leave but she'll write me up for abandoning shift. i got pissed and told her if she does i won't come in tomorrow and left. my coworker text me saying i was an ass because i know we're short and the manager was right to be mad at me. they need help during the time i'm leaving and i'm a bigger asshole if i don't come in because i'd put more strain on them. aita for not helping them?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my job has constant callouts and no shows. that results in employees having to do more than one job at a time. it sucks but no biggie. manager is a sweetheart and does his best to work with people and around hiccups. i work 1st shift. it's usually very hectic and physical so i'm tired when i get off. because of callouts/no shows, i'm always asked to stay til "the next person comes in." i always say no. when it's time to go, i'm leaving. every time, the shift manager on duty gets an attitude with me and tries to argue that i'm not a team player. that i won't help when i'm needed and it reflects badly on me. i always say i've done my part. i show up for my scheduled shift and pull my weight. if i stay, i have no idea what time i'll get off. it's no guarantee someone will show up at a reasonable time either. i shouldn't be punished for someone else when i've done my job. today the manager said i can leave but she'll write me up for abandoning shift. i got pissed and told her if she does i won't come in tomorrow and left. my coworker text me saying i was an ass because i know we're short and the manager was right to be mad at me. they need help during the time i'm leaving and i'm a bigger asshole if i don't come in because i'd put more strain on them. aita for not helping them? [/INST] nta, youre an employee, not a door mat. lots of other places are desperate for workers so if this boss gives you crap you can go elsewhere </s>
|
AITA for refusing to live with (and care for?) my terminally ill (semi-estranged) father?
|
backstory: my father and i were very close until i immigrated with my family when i was young. for the first few years after, we maintained regular contact and my relationship with him wasnt at all strained. then, slowly communication between us became sparse. this was around the time of the 08 financial crisis. so on top of this, my parents’ marital relationship was slowly falling apart, and by the time i was a teenager the only phone calls i could hear between them were arguments over money and finances.
i’m an adult now, and since then my mother has shared with me how difficult it had been to essentially be a single mother since she was not being supported by my father and we have no relatives here. seeing her mental health deteriorate, and by extension my own, with almost no contact from my father (for over a decade, i’ve spoken with him only a handful of times over the phone for ~5-10 minutes maximum, aside from going back to visit for 2 family emergencies in this span of time), my feelings towards my semi-estranged father are very mixed. and biased by my mother’s (very negative) view of him as well.
i found out he had stage 3 cancer last year. it’s now terminal. i have the opportunity to go back to my home country for a year to work, and the thing i’m struggling with is this: given his limited time, he wants to live with me in the year that i’ll be in the country working. however, given my own mixed feelings towards him, our semi-estranged relationship, and the fact that having to see him and care for him every day will have a detrimental effect on me, i really, don’t want to. i’d much rather live by myself and see him a few times a week at most.
tl;dr: aita for refusing to live with my semi-estranged, yet terminally ill father for a year?
| 147 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/micgii/aita_for_refusing_to_live_with_and_care_for_my/
|
2021-04-02 04:02:05
|
nta, you’re never ta for declining the asks of estranged parents. even if you were on the best terms palliative care is extremely difficult. this doesn’t have to be an all or nothing situation. talk to people you trust about possible compromises and what’s right for you.
|
nta he didn’t seem to try to keep in touch with you and you don’t really know him anymore.
|
absolutely nta. i took in my mentally ill father when he had cancer. i took him to chemo (45 minutes away), cooked, cleaned, changed his port dressing, and generally took care of him all while working full time and going to school. we nearly went broke over the eight months that he stayed with us between the extra utilities, gas, and groceries. nothing was ever good enough for him, or enough for him. he got resentful if i asked for any outside help and constantly demanded things i had neither time nor money for. he was well cared for, and all his needs were met. after he moved back home, he cut me out of his will and tried to ruin my relationships with other family. he died a year later on my birthday and left instructions that no one should tell me or let me go to his funeral. we had a stable, if unfulfilling, relationship before all this. zero stars. do not recommend caregiving for anyone you have a challenging relationship with.
|
nta. a person who didn't care for you wants you to care for them. you do not have to live with him. get your own place and like you said, see him a few times a week. what would his plan have been if you weren't coming back for work? he should do that.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: backstory: my father and i were very close until i immigrated with my family when i was young. for the first few years after, we maintained regular contact and my relationship with him wasnt at all strained. then, slowly communication between us became sparse. this was around the time of the 08 financial crisis. so on top of this, my parents’ marital relationship was slowly falling apart, and by the time i was a teenager the only phone calls i could hear between them were arguments over money and finances. i’m an adult now, and since then my mother has shared with me how difficult it had been to essentially be a single mother since she was not being supported by my father and we have no relatives here. seeing her mental health deteriorate, and by extension my own, with almost no contact from my father (for over a decade, i’ve spoken with him only a handful of times over the phone for ~5-10 minutes maximum, aside from going back to visit for 2 family emergencies in this span of time), my feelings towards my semi-estranged father are very mixed. and biased by my mother’s (very negative) view of him as well. i found out he had stage 3 cancer last year. it’s now terminal. i have the opportunity to go back to my home country for a year to work, and the thing i’m struggling with is this: given his limited time, he wants to live with me in the year that i’ll be in the country working. however, given my own mixed feelings towards him, our semi-estranged relationship, and the fact that having to see him and care for him every day will have a detrimental effect on me, i really, don’t want to. i’d much rather live by myself and see him a few times a week at most. tl;dr: aita for refusing to live with my semi-estranged, yet terminally ill father for a year?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
backstory: my father and i were very close until i immigrated with my family when i was young. for the first few years after, we maintained regular contact and my relationship with him wasnt at all strained. then, slowly communication between us became sparse. this was around the time of the 08 financial crisis. so on top of this, my parents’ marital relationship was slowly falling apart, and by the time i was a teenager the only phone calls i could hear between them were arguments over money and finances. i’m an adult now, and since then my mother has shared with me how difficult it had been to essentially be a single mother since she was not being supported by my father and we have no relatives here. seeing her mental health deteriorate, and by extension my own, with almost no contact from my father (for over a decade, i’ve spoken with him only a handful of times over the phone for ~5-10 minutes maximum, aside from going back to visit for 2 family emergencies in this span of time), my feelings towards my semi-estranged father are very mixed. and biased by my mother’s (very negative) view of him as well. i found out he had stage 3 cancer last year. it’s now terminal. i have the opportunity to go back to my home country for a year to work, and the thing i’m struggling with is this: given his limited time, he wants to live with me in the year that i’ll be in the country working. however, given my own mixed feelings towards him, our semi-estranged relationship, and the fact that having to see him and care for him every day will have a detrimental effect on me, i really, don’t want to. i’d much rather live by myself and see him a few times a week at most. tl;dr: aita for refusing to live with my semi-estranged, yet terminally ill father for a year? [/INST] nta, you’re never ta for declining the asks of estranged parents. even if you were on the best terms palliative care is extremely difficult. this doesn’t have to be an all or nothing situation. talk to people you trust about possible compromises and what’s right for you. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting my niece to tattoo my dead twins name on her body?
|
i lost my twin brother when i was very young. even though i can’t say i remember him, i do feel a large absence in my life. the loss was extremely hard on everyone in my family, including me when i was old enough to understand what was missing in my life.
my niece was born when i was 5 years old, we’ve always been very close and she’s looked up to me for as long as i can remember. recently she came to me with the idea of her getting a tattoo in honor of my twin. she asked me what i thought of this idea. before i had time to really think about it, i told her it was okay. i’m not sure why i said this because the moment she asked my stomach turned and i felt very anxious about the idea. now i’m considering telling her that the idea makes me extremely uncomfortably, but i’m not sure if that’s wrong of me or not. she’s only 15 years old and i’m worried that she only wants this tattoo because she wants a meaningful tattoo. i really don’t believe the loss of my twin has much meaning to her at all other than knowing how hard it was for the rest of my family. so would i be the asshole if i tell her that i’m not comfortable with her getting the tattoo anymore?
| 177 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bcwbzr/aita_for_not_wanting_my_niece_to_tattoo_my_dead/
|
2019-04-13 22:53:39
|
nta. it's weird to get a tattoo of someone she never knew
|
nah i doubt she would get angry if you say that you don't feel comfortable with it but what i want to now is why your letting her get a tattoo at 15
|
nah in my opinion, you're allowed to feel how you feel about it and you should be free to share those feelings with your niece. bear in mind, though, that while she's asking your opinion, the decision is ultimately hers (and her parents/guardians since she's a minor)
from her side, i think it might be a bit misguided to want her dead uncle's name tattooed on her given the scenario you've described, but i don't think it makes her an asshole. personally i don't think that's a great first tattoo, and getting tattoos so young is questionable in general. i got my first tattoo a few days after my 18th birthday--i don't necessarily *regret* it, but i probably would have done it differently looking back on it ~8 years later
|
nta
you have to be honest with her. if she gets it anyway then there’s nothing you can do, but you should voice your opinion in the matter
|
info
when is she intending on getting this tattoo?
|
nah, but it's not your body to make a choice about either.
|
nah. i don’t think she means any harm, she’s just a kid doing dumb kid stuff. and she came to you with the idea because she cares about your opinion on it. like you said, the tattoo probably wouldn’t have that much meaning to her anyway, so i don’t think telling her that you’re not comfortable with it would be hurtful or unjustified.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NAH
|
NAH
| null | null | null | 0.058672 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i lost my twin brother when i was very young. even though i can’t say i remember him, i do feel a large absence in my life. the loss was extremely hard on everyone in my family, including me when i was old enough to understand what was missing in my life. my niece was born when i was 5 years old, we’ve always been very close and she’s looked up to me for as long as i can remember. recently she came to me with the idea of her getting a tattoo in honor of my twin. she asked me what i thought of this idea. before i had time to really think about it, i told her it was okay. i’m not sure why i said this because the moment she asked my stomach turned and i felt very anxious about the idea. now i’m considering telling her that the idea makes me extremely uncomfortably, but i’m not sure if that’s wrong of me or not. she’s only 15 years old and i’m worried that she only wants this tattoo because she wants a meaningful tattoo. i really don’t believe the loss of my twin has much meaning to her at all other than knowing how hard it was for the rest of my family. so would i be the asshole if i tell her that i’m not comfortable with her getting the tattoo anymore?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i lost my twin brother when i was very young. even though i can’t say i remember him, i do feel a large absence in my life. the loss was extremely hard on everyone in my family, including me when i was old enough to understand what was missing in my life. my niece was born when i was 5 years old, we’ve always been very close and she’s looked up to me for as long as i can remember. recently she came to me with the idea of her getting a tattoo in honor of my twin. she asked me what i thought of this idea. before i had time to really think about it, i told her it was okay. i’m not sure why i said this because the moment she asked my stomach turned and i felt very anxious about the idea. now i’m considering telling her that the idea makes me extremely uncomfortably, but i’m not sure if that’s wrong of me or not. she’s only 15 years old and i’m worried that she only wants this tattoo because she wants a meaningful tattoo. i really don’t believe the loss of my twin has much meaning to her at all other than knowing how hard it was for the rest of my family. so would i be the asshole if i tell her that i’m not comfortable with her getting the tattoo anymore? [/INST] nta. it's weird to get a tattoo of someone she never knew </s>
|
AITA for putting my neighbors dogs sh*t on their porch?
|
as if last week couldn’t get any worse (crazy mil problems you can read my other posts if you’d want!), my neighbors are driving me crazy!
in my neighborhood, the houses are decently close together. my neighbors like to chain their dog to the front porch all day long, whether they are home or not. the poor dog howls, whines and scratches at their front door during the day. they ended up getting a longer chain for the dog so he can walk around the entire front yard.
the problem is - now their dog comes into my front yard (and their other neighbors too).
for the last month or so, their dog comes into my yard every single day. he also likes to stand on the sidewalk right before my steps leading up to my porch. whenever i have my front door opened, their dogs barks at myself and my own dogs. also, every single day i have to pick up his shit from my yard.
i talked to my neighbors last week about it and asked if they could keep their dog in their own yard. i told them i didn’t want any problems but their dog kept barking at me in my own home and shitting in my yard. they said their dog never leaves their yard and it was probably my own dogs shit in the yard (legit my dogs only go in our backyard...but yeah ok). so that convo was not successful.
the day after that, the dog is back in my yard shitting. i called the city to see if there was anything that could be done and they said call animal control. so animal control comes over, sees the dog in my yard and sees the dogs shit. he told my neighbors to keep their dog in their own yard, preferably their back yard, or next time they’ll have to take their dog and they’ll have to pay to get him back.
so for few days their dog wasn’t in the front yard at all and i thought “great, no more shit for me to clean!”, until yesterday. it’s around 3pm and there is the dog shitting in my hard. y’all i can’t deal with them! i go outside, clean it up but instead of throwing it in the garage can like i always do i went next door and knocked. no one answered even though cars were home, so i left them a nice present right outside their door and i took the bag home with me. i honestly didn’t care anymore.
i woke up this morning to a pounding at my door, my neighbors screaming at me because they stepped in dog shit (and apparently had a doorbell camera to see it was me - oh well!). like, if you have a camera you can clearly see your dog leaving your yard every single day, but that’s a different story. anyways, they are calling me a bitch and asshole, threatening to call the cops, etc. my husband thinks this was all funny but my other neighbor said i was a jerk.
so redditors - aita for leaving my neighbors dog shit on their front porch?
| 686 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ha3go4/aita_for_putting_my_neighbors_dogs_sht_on_their/
|
2020-06-16 12:56:05
|
nta, shouldve posted it through the letterbox
|
nta and call animal control again. its inhumane to do that do a dog all the time and if they cannot be responsible for that dog they should not have it.
plus, dog shit is always disgusting and you shouldn’t have to clean up someone else’s dog’s shit.
|
nta, they had it coming. i despise people who leave their dogs out to bark all day long and letting it shit everywhere is extremely rude.
props to you, hopefully they learn their lesson.
|
nta. but please call animal control again and show them the conditions the dog is living in.
|
nta because you tried knocking on the door to talk to them about it, but really bagging their dogs poop and leaving it for them is a really nice thing to do and makes their life easier, i don't see it as a long term solution.
|
call animal control, that is abuse what they are doing to the poor dog.
|
[deleted]
|
nta.
but be wary of the door bell camera. defeat it old school using a small catapult to launch the dog shit back to their own territory.
|
nta honestly i thought this was r/pettyrevenge great job keep up the good work!
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: as if last week couldn’t get any worse (crazy mil problems you can read my other posts if you’d want!), my neighbors are driving me crazy! in my neighborhood, the houses are decently close together. my neighbors like to chain their dog to the front porch all day long, whether they are home or not. the poor dog howls, whines and scratches at their front door during the day. they ended up getting a longer chain for the dog so he can walk around the entire front yard. the problem is - now their dog comes into my front yard (and their other neighbors too). for the last month or so, their dog comes into my yard every single day. he also likes to stand on the sidewalk right before my steps leading up to my porch. whenever i have my front door opened, their dogs barks at myself and my own dogs. also, every single day i have to pick up his shit from my yard. i talked to my neighbors last week about it and asked if they could keep their dog in their own yard. i told them i didn’t want any problems but their dog kept barking at me in my own home and shitting in my yard. they said their dog never leaves their yard and it was probably my own dogs shit in the yard (legit my dogs only go in our backyard...but yeah ok). so that convo was not successful. the day after that, the dog is back in my yard shitting. i called the city to see if there was anything that could be done and they said call animal control. so animal control comes over, sees the dog in my yard and sees the dogs shit. he told my neighbors to keep their dog in their own yard, preferably their back yard, or next time they’ll have to take their dog and they’ll have to pay to get him back. so for few days their dog wasn’t in the front yard at all and i thought “great, no more shit for me to clean!”, until yesterday. it’s around 3pm and there is the dog shitting in my hard. y’all i can’t deal with them! i go outside, clean it up but instead of throwing it in the garage can like i always do i went next door and knocked. no one answered even though cars were home, so i left them a nice present right outside their door and i took the bag home with me. i honestly didn’t care anymore. i woke up this morning to a pounding at my door, my neighbors screaming at me because they stepped in dog shit (and apparently had a doorbell camera to see it was me - oh well!). like, if you have a camera you can clearly see your dog leaving your yard every single day, but that’s a different story. anyways, they are calling me a bitch and asshole, threatening to call the cops, etc. my husband thinks this was all funny but my other neighbor said i was a jerk. so redditors - aita for leaving my neighbors dog shit on their front porch?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
as if last week couldn’t get any worse (crazy mil problems you can read my other posts if you’d want!), my neighbors are driving me crazy! in my neighborhood, the houses are decently close together. my neighbors like to chain their dog to the front porch all day long, whether they are home or not. the poor dog howls, whines and scratches at their front door during the day. they ended up getting a longer chain for the dog so he can walk around the entire front yard. the problem is - now their dog comes into my front yard (and their other neighbors too). for the last month or so, their dog comes into my yard every single day. he also likes to stand on the sidewalk right before my steps leading up to my porch. whenever i have my front door opened, their dogs barks at myself and my own dogs. also, every single day i have to pick up his shit from my yard. i talked to my neighbors last week about it and asked if they could keep their dog in their own yard. i told them i didn’t want any problems but their dog kept barking at me in my own home and shitting in my yard. they said their dog never leaves their yard and it was probably my own dogs shit in the yard (legit my dogs only go in our backyard...but yeah ok). so that convo was not successful. the day after that, the dog is back in my yard shitting. i called the city to see if there was anything that could be done and they said call animal control. so animal control comes over, sees the dog in my yard and sees the dogs shit. he told my neighbors to keep their dog in their own yard, preferably their back yard, or next time they’ll have to take their dog and they’ll have to pay to get him back. so for few days their dog wasn’t in the front yard at all and i thought “great, no more shit for me to clean!”, until yesterday. it’s around 3pm and there is the dog shitting in my hard. y’all i can’t deal with them! i go outside, clean it up but instead of throwing it in the garage can like i always do i went next door and knocked. no one answered even though cars were home, so i left them a nice present right outside their door and i took the bag home with me. i honestly didn’t care anymore. i woke up this morning to a pounding at my door, my neighbors screaming at me because they stepped in dog shit (and apparently had a doorbell camera to see it was me - oh well!). like, if you have a camera you can clearly see your dog leaving your yard every single day, but that’s a different story. anyways, they are calling me a bitch and asshole, threatening to call the cops, etc. my husband thinks this was all funny but my other neighbor said i was a jerk. so redditors - aita for leaving my neighbors dog shit on their front porch? [/INST] nta, shouldve posted it through the letterbox </s>
|
AITA for being rude to my colleagues after they commented on my body and eating habits?
|
i started at my job about 8 months, which requires me to go to two different sites. (site a and site b). for the first several months, i was part time due to an injury, and even after that was sorted i still spent the majority of my time at site a. the last couple of months i started working more and more at site b, so i got to know the staff better. because of that i've started having lunch with several of them.
this is where the issues have started cropping up, for some reason they can't stop commenting on how i look or what i eat. for context, i am a recreational bodybuilder, so i eat and look a bit differently than other people. i've had several people look at me with clear disgust in their face and say "do you *always* eat so healthy?" when i pull out my lunch. (should be noted i never comment on their food, unless its to say it looks nice). several also call my food "dog food" and say that it's gross. another time a colleague mentioned starting to go to the gym, and i offered to train with him, when another interjected that he would go to the gym if he wanted to be "on some sort of vain and narcissistic trip". this is between the classical bits of making fun of how wide my shoulders are, and accusing me of using steroids (in a very hurr de durr meathead, kind of way).
it eventually became too much when we were having lunch two weeks ago, i pulled out some chicken and a bit of fruit. which again prompted the "do you always eat so healthy" remark, this then morphed into talking about how one girl vastly prefers chubby guys, and thinks that my forearms are gross due to my visible veins. which then caused another girl to say that she "likes guys with a bit of muscle, but that's too much". so i snapped and said "you say that like i actually give a fuck if you find me attractive or not, oh sorry, could you lay out exactly what you find attractive in men so i can rearrange my entire life in the hope that you will find me attractive?"
since then, whenever i get a stupid comment, i say the same thing back reversed, they ask if i always eat healthy, i ask if they always eat unhealthy junk food. if they make fun of my wide shoulders or say "steroids" i reply "well, not everyone wants to look like an unbaked loaf of bread".
this has caused some to go to their boss, accusing me of being rude, mean, and a bully. while others are not hugely bothered/understand where i am coming from.
i've got a sit down with their boss next week, but wanted to know what reddit thinks, aita?
| 8,581 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k0uk8a/aita_for_being_rude_to_my_colleagues_after_they/
|
2020-11-25 15:50:00
|
nta. if they can’t take it, they shouldn’t dish it out.
|
nta, but was tempted to say esh.
your colleagues certainly shouldn't be saying those things and opening the conversations for this kind of negativity.
that said, i understand how this makes you feel but that dosen't mean you have to point the same negativity back at them, especially not in a work environment. it's not in your best interest as a working individual in whatever your field is. don't be tempted to lower yourself to their petty level.
i hope your conversation with your boss goes well and the situation clears up.
|
esh.
you escalated the situation by talking back. i understand that their comments are unwarranted and are definitely inappropriate, but you should have taken it to hr before retaliating so that you had a record of it.
now it will be their word against yours.
|
[deleted]
|
"do you always eat this healthy?"
"yes, are you always this rude about other peoples' eating habits?"
|
"well, not everyone wants to look like an unbaked loaf of bread."
dying at this comment!!! i'm a little biased, though. i've always been pretty health conscious and have lifted weights for about 10 years. not to mention i'm a woman, which makes my muscles and eating habits extra judgeable!
nta.
|
esh, though i'm only saying that since i think you know that returning insults isn't the best way to diffuse the situation. either saying, "i would prefer that you don't make critical comments about my body, i don't do it to you" or taking the matter to hr would be better. but knowing what one objectively *should* do and how we actually react in upsetting situations doesn't always match up. sometimes people just get pushed too far, because others fail to recognize when they're crossing a line.
just to be clear, i'm on your side overall. i actually think the two girls you responded to needed a verbal dressing down, since as a women they likely know all too well what it feels like to be objectified and measured against unrealistic beauty ideals. they probably dislike men making unsolicited comments about their bodies, so why do they think doing it to you is okay? because it really, *really* isn't. body shaming is body shaming. just because you're a big muscular dude doesn't mean rude comments can't or won't bother you.
|
nta. i mean, you could have tried asking them to stop or going over their heads, but it's ultimately them putting insecurities on you, and you're not an asshole for trying to roll with there unending commentary on your body.
if they couldn't get the hint that it wasn't necessary after you were annoyed by it, they are either that dense or trying to tear you down. you eat for you, you live for you. they don't need to try tearing that from you because they have issues that they won't address.
|
you had the high road until you snapped and responded in the same manner. now the people who were never intelligent enough to keep those sort of comments to themselves, have dragged you into the bin with them. congrats. you will all be judged in the same manner and the only evidence you have to offer of really just heresay - he said & she said.
i thought your first comment to the girl about finding you attractive was permissible. you didnt insult her directly but let her know you gave no shit about her opinion. your other comments to your coworkers where you call them unbaked loaves of bread are a direct insult (even if in response to their insults) are what is going to get you in trouble.
next time these sort of comments begin, you *really* need to nip it in the bud. you reply that you dont find their opinions of your food or criticisms of your body welcome. the next time they remark like that, you will go to hr on your own and ask for assistance in putting an end to this workplace harassment. thats the way to handle this sort of issue in the workplace while dealing with an hr department. without an hr department in this mix, your return insults would have been a well deserved rebuttal. esh.
|
nta. it’s not their business what you eat. sounds like their insecurities are making them be shitty to you.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
| null | null |
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
| 0.229769 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i started at my job about 8 months, which requires me to go to two different sites. (site a and site b). for the first several months, i was part time due to an injury, and even after that was sorted i still spent the majority of my time at site a. the last couple of months i started working more and more at site b, so i got to know the staff better. because of that i've started having lunch with several of them. this is where the issues have started cropping up, for some reason they can't stop commenting on how i look or what i eat. for context, i am a recreational bodybuilder, so i eat and look a bit differently than other people. i've had several people look at me with clear disgust in their face and say "do you *always* eat so healthy?" when i pull out my lunch. (should be noted i never comment on their food, unless its to say it looks nice). several also call my food "dog food" and say that it's gross. another time a colleague mentioned starting to go to the gym, and i offered to train with him, when another interjected that he would go to the gym if he wanted to be "on some sort of vain and narcissistic trip". this is between the classical bits of making fun of how wide my shoulders are, and accusing me of using steroids (in a very hurr de durr meathead, kind of way). it eventually became too much when we were having lunch two weeks ago, i pulled out some chicken and a bit of fruit. which again prompted the "do you always eat so healthy" remark, this then morphed into talking about how one girl vastly prefers chubby guys, and thinks that my forearms are gross due to my visible veins. which then caused another girl to say that she "likes guys with a bit of muscle, but that's too much". so i snapped and said "you say that like i actually give a fuck if you find me attractive or not, oh sorry, could you lay out exactly what you find attractive in men so i can rearrange my entire life in the hope that you will find me attractive?" since then, whenever i get a stupid comment, i say the same thing back reversed, they ask if i always eat healthy, i ask if they always eat unhealthy junk food. if they make fun of my wide shoulders or say "steroids" i reply "well, not everyone wants to look like an unbaked loaf of bread". this has caused some to go to their boss, accusing me of being rude, mean, and a bully. while others are not hugely bothered/understand where i am coming from. i've got a sit down with their boss next week, but wanted to know what reddit thinks, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i started at my job about 8 months, which requires me to go to two different sites. (site a and site b). for the first several months, i was part time due to an injury, and even after that was sorted i still spent the majority of my time at site a. the last couple of months i started working more and more at site b, so i got to know the staff better. because of that i've started having lunch with several of them. this is where the issues have started cropping up, for some reason they can't stop commenting on how i look or what i eat. for context, i am a recreational bodybuilder, so i eat and look a bit differently than other people. i've had several people look at me with clear disgust in their face and say "do you *always* eat so healthy?" when i pull out my lunch. (should be noted i never comment on their food, unless its to say it looks nice). several also call my food "dog food" and say that it's gross. another time a colleague mentioned starting to go to the gym, and i offered to train with him, when another interjected that he would go to the gym if he wanted to be "on some sort of vain and narcissistic trip". this is between the classical bits of making fun of how wide my shoulders are, and accusing me of using steroids (in a very hurr de durr meathead, kind of way). it eventually became too much when we were having lunch two weeks ago, i pulled out some chicken and a bit of fruit. which again prompted the "do you always eat so healthy" remark, this then morphed into talking about how one girl vastly prefers chubby guys, and thinks that my forearms are gross due to my visible veins. which then caused another girl to say that she "likes guys with a bit of muscle, but that's too much". so i snapped and said "you say that like i actually give a fuck if you find me attractive or not, oh sorry, could you lay out exactly what you find attractive in men so i can rearrange my entire life in the hope that you will find me attractive?" since then, whenever i get a stupid comment, i say the same thing back reversed, they ask if i always eat healthy, i ask if they always eat unhealthy junk food. if they make fun of my wide shoulders or say "steroids" i reply "well, not everyone wants to look like an unbaked loaf of bread". this has caused some to go to their boss, accusing me of being rude, mean, and a bully. while others are not hugely bothered/understand where i am coming from. i've got a sit down with their boss next week, but wanted to know what reddit thinks, aita? [/INST] nta. if they can’t take it, they shouldn’t dish it out. </s>
|
AITA for "Snapping" at my girlfriend when I came home sick?
|
so i (m27) came home early from work today because i was having some vertigo and then i got some body aches and a small headache. my boss told me it might be the flu and to not take any chances so i went home.
before i leave work, i text my girlfriend (f26) that i am not feeling good and my boss sent me home. i also texted her saying that i will sleep downstairs because i don't want to risk getting her sick.
so i make the drive home and she is in our bed smoking a bowl and watching tv. i start undressing and the first thing she says to me is, "if you really are sick, i hope you know you're sleeping downstairs. i just got over being sick and i refuse to do it again."
i kinda just stood there, thinking "wow, this is the woman i want to spend my life with."
so i told her, "did you even read my messages?"
her response: "i read the one that said you were sick but i was getting out of your car (shes driving my car rn) and i didn't read the other ones and i forgot."
so i told her that "i already said i would sleep downstairs", that she "doesn't control me" nor does she "need to because i am capable of making rational choices."
then she said "you don't need to snap at me. i don't appreciate it."
i just changed my clothes and that's all i said. i grabbed some sleeping stuff and i walked downstairs. after i sat down i kinda just thought about the whole exchange. and i'm thinking to myself "really? i come home sick and all i get is get away from me i don't want to be sick!" i was expecting "hey babe, feel any better?" or "hey did you eat? maybe your hungry." or even "hey babe do you want the bed tonight? i know you're sick" (which i did for her when she was sick).
so idk, now she thinks i'm the asshole. what do y'all think?
| 340 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f6pqmp/aita_for_snapping_at_my_girlfriend_when_i_came/
|
2020-02-20 07:46:51
|
nta. she sounds like a “taker” not a “giver”. she expects you to put her first, but will always put herself first too. if you truly do want to spend your life with her, be prepared to be the thoughtful one that always gives.
|
esh. two people in a bad mood. it happens. really not worth making a reddit post about it.
|
nta, in situations like this she should be there for you.
|
nta - she gave you a shitty response and in return you gave her a shitty response back when your not feeling well.
|
hmm... i think esh.
i think she dealt with this in a rude way, there was a way nicer way of saying it, and i wonder what her tone of voice was as well.
i think you’re a bit of an asshole simply because you took it pretty far, saying she doesn’t control you.
it sounds like two people who have been with each other a while who were both in bad moods.
when you’ve cooled off, maybe try approaching her in a calm way and say “hey, i’m sorry i took it so far as to assume you were trying to control me. it really hurt my feelings the way that you talked to me, and i want to talk this out so neither of us feel attacked.”
sometimes, in long term relationships, it gets very very easy to feel like we can read each others minds and automatically understand intention and feeling. talking out disagreements like these becomes very important, because at the end of the day, we are separate people with very different internal narratives.
communication is key, op. you guys will do fine.
|
nta you exacerbated the argument but it wasn’t even unwarranted. red flag on her total lack of concern for your welling being. dont like this at all feel better fam
|
nta- i'd never say that to my boyfriend, and instead just like you said will check on you and ask if u feel okay or need anything. i wouldn't even mind you sleeping in bed.
sorry, but shes being a bit of a an asshole.
|
well, we only have your side of the story and don't know the tone she said it with.. but it sounds like she "snapped" at you first, so she got a response in a similar manner.
nta
|
nta, any time my so or i have been sick we need to be pampered, but not outright sleep in other beds. it’s really disheartening to come home when you already feel like dog doo and have an so dictate how you spend the evening recovering.
|
nta - i would ask my boyfriend if he's okey and if her wants anything etc. i also would just cuddle with him in bed. btw the chances of your gf getting sick after getting better from it are small, because you probably got sick from her (so you have the same, she already as a immunity to the disease).
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.054 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (m27) came home early from work today because i was having some vertigo and then i got some body aches and a small headache. my boss told me it might be the flu and to not take any chances so i went home. before i leave work, i text my girlfriend (f26) that i am not feeling good and my boss sent me home. i also texted her saying that i will sleep downstairs because i don't want to risk getting her sick. so i make the drive home and she is in our bed smoking a bowl and watching tv. i start undressing and the first thing she says to me is, "if you really are sick, i hope you know you're sleeping downstairs. i just got over being sick and i refuse to do it again." i kinda just stood there, thinking "wow, this is the woman i want to spend my life with." so i told her, "did you even read my messages?" her response: "i read the one that said you were sick but i was getting out of your car (shes driving my car rn) and i didn't read the other ones and i forgot." so i told her that "i already said i would sleep downstairs", that she "doesn't control me" nor does she "need to because i am capable of making rational choices." then she said "you don't need to snap at me. i don't appreciate it." i just changed my clothes and that's all i said. i grabbed some sleeping stuff and i walked downstairs. after i sat down i kinda just thought about the whole exchange. and i'm thinking to myself "really? i come home sick and all i get is get away from me i don't want to be sick!" i was expecting "hey babe, feel any better?" or "hey did you eat? maybe your hungry." or even "hey babe do you want the bed tonight? i know you're sick" (which i did for her when she was sick). so idk, now she thinks i'm the asshole. what do y'all think?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (m27) came home early from work today because i was having some vertigo and then i got some body aches and a small headache. my boss told me it might be the flu and to not take any chances so i went home. before i leave work, i text my girlfriend (f26) that i am not feeling good and my boss sent me home. i also texted her saying that i will sleep downstairs because i don't want to risk getting her sick. so i make the drive home and she is in our bed smoking a bowl and watching tv. i start undressing and the first thing she says to me is, "if you really are sick, i hope you know you're sleeping downstairs. i just got over being sick and i refuse to do it again." i kinda just stood there, thinking "wow, this is the woman i want to spend my life with." so i told her, "did you even read my messages?" her response: "i read the one that said you were sick but i was getting out of your car (shes driving my car rn) and i didn't read the other ones and i forgot." so i told her that "i already said i would sleep downstairs", that she "doesn't control me" nor does she "need to because i am capable of making rational choices." then she said "you don't need to snap at me. i don't appreciate it." i just changed my clothes and that's all i said. i grabbed some sleeping stuff and i walked downstairs. after i sat down i kinda just thought about the whole exchange. and i'm thinking to myself "really? i come home sick and all i get is get away from me i don't want to be sick!" i was expecting "hey babe, feel any better?" or "hey did you eat? maybe your hungry." or even "hey babe do you want the bed tonight? i know you're sick" (which i did for her when she was sick). so idk, now she thinks i'm the asshole. what do y'all think? [/INST] nta. she sounds like a “taker” not a “giver”. she expects you to put her first, but will always put herself first too. if you truly do want to spend your life with her, be prepared to be the thoughtful one that always gives. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting a “mom” relationship with my dad’s wife?
|
i (21f) feel strongly that i’m definitely nta but it may just be me being ta and justifying.
my dad married a woman about two years. they make each other happy and i think she really makes him feel very validated and loved. it makes me happy, after all the horseshit this man has been through, that he gets love and support. she’s a hard worker and a bright person. the issue we run into is her apparent burning need for me to refer to her as mom. i have a post in my history if you’re interested in the deeper parts of it, but this is the biggest issue in our relationship.
it started the very first time i met her at thanksgiving at her house, something i was not prepared for at the time, when she tried to cut my food up for me b/c “she does it for all her kids”. being 18 (read: pissy), i did not take to that well. it’s evolved to the passive aggressive “i know you don’t see me as your mom but....” to “i’ll always be your mom, even if you don’t want me to be” ever since i was frank with her that i felt she was pushing for a mother-daughter relationship that i did not want, that i appreciate all she did for my dad but that i would more than likely always just see her as my dad’s wife (went over as well as you’d expect).
i would probably call her mom at this point if she hadn’t been shoving it down my throat for the past three years, but she doesn’t understand. the title mom means a lot to me, as i don’t have a relationship with my abusive and mentally ill egg donor, and the last woman i called mom broke my family’s hearts completely. i don’t think it clicks in her head that it’s something that needs to be built up to, not just given right away imho. it’s especially touchy for me now that i’m a month away from being a mom and struggling with the idea of how to even be a good mom.
i was pretty firm in my stance and my reasoning until tonight when i was talking to a friend (21f) about the whole thing and made a joke that my new years resolution was to fix this whole situation (i don’t genuinely think it’s mine to fix, i just think she needs to come to terms with it on her own) and my friend called me an frigid bitch. normally, we joke around like this, and i responded by laughing and saying “damn right, ice queen over here” (a nickname bestowed thanks to rbf) which seemed to irritate her more. she said this was a person just trying to love me and give me “something i need” and i was “just being bitter”. she says it’s even worse because i refer to my mil (who i have built a relationship with) “ma”, like my husband. this took me by surprise, as i’ve never gotten that response from anyone, but she’s insisted that i’m ta and has refused to answer my messages of questions regarding the change of heart she had.
am i really ta for not being comfortable just handing over a title i personally feel is huge to my dad’s wife?
| 1,699 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kov6dq/aita_for_not_wanting_a_mom_relationship_with_my/
|
2021-01-02 10:12:20
|
nta!!! titles can mean a lot to people. if you don't see this woman as your mom she's not your mom. end of story. she sounds like a nice person but it seems really pushy to me that she's trying to force your relationship to be something its not. i'd also be concerned about the relationship she will try and have with your kid, seems like she'll desperately want to be grandma even if you wont see her as that.
|
nta. you earn the title mom/dad. it’s weird asf to expect a grown adult that you’ve never met to call you mom.....
|
nta!! you’re 21 not 8 getting a new step mom. this woman is wild for suggesting that.
|
nta
i think your reason why for not calling her mom isn't anyone's fault but i would recommend being a little honest her. ask to talk to her in private or with your dad there and tell her why you don't call her mom and any other issues you may have. she doesn't seem like someone with ill intent but more someone who isn't aware on what you had to deal with.
|
nta. your father's wife tried to cut up your food the first time you met when you were 18?? 18 years old, not 18 months old? because she does it for all her kids?? that is insane. plus she disregards your very reasonable limits for your relationship with her? talk about boundary stomping! she doesn't respect you at all and needs back way the fuck up.
next time she talks about being your mom, tell her you didn't come out of her vagina, she's trying to force intimacy you don't want with her, and drop the passive-aggressive bs because she's pushed too far and you're done dealing with her tone deafness.
as for your friend, maybe ask her why she's reacting so strongly about this? is she seeing someone who already has children? her reaction is not normal. why is she so angry about your relationship with your dad's wife? wtf?
|
nta
you’re an adult and can decide for yourself.
i do recommend that you try talking to your dad’s wife.
|
nta. your reasoning is well-thought out and well articulated. so unless there is more to it i see no issue in you withholding that designation.
|
does she still try to cut your food for you?
|
nta. to me 'mom' is a special title that not just anyone gets to claim. also, you can love someone, respect them and be there for them, without forcing them to call you 'mom'.
if she had come in to your life at 10 or something, i could maybe see you calling her mom, but you were 18. that's an adult. i don't know anyone, at 18, that would start calling their step-mum 'mum'.
you have your reasoning, and you're and adult. your friend just doesn't understand it from your pov so they should keep their opinions to themselves.
|
nta - especially (but not only) because of how old you were when she was brought into your life, you’re completely justified in defining your relationship with her however you feel most comfortable. your friend, however, can piss off for being so judgmental towards your familial relationships.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (21f) feel strongly that i’m definitely nta but it may just be me being ta and justifying. my dad married a woman about two years. they make each other happy and i think she really makes him feel very validated and loved. it makes me happy, after all the horseshit this man has been through, that he gets love and support. she’s a hard worker and a bright person. the issue we run into is her apparent burning need for me to refer to her as mom. i have a post in my history if you’re interested in the deeper parts of it, but this is the biggest issue in our relationship. it started the very first time i met her at thanksgiving at her house, something i was not prepared for at the time, when she tried to cut my food up for me b/c “she does it for all her kids”. being 18 (read: pissy), i did not take to that well. it’s evolved to the passive aggressive “i know you don’t see me as your mom but....” to “i’ll always be your mom, even if you don’t want me to be” ever since i was frank with her that i felt she was pushing for a mother-daughter relationship that i did not want, that i appreciate all she did for my dad but that i would more than likely always just see her as my dad’s wife (went over as well as you’d expect). i would probably call her mom at this point if she hadn’t been shoving it down my throat for the past three years, but she doesn’t understand. the title mom means a lot to me, as i don’t have a relationship with my abusive and mentally ill egg donor, and the last woman i called mom broke my family’s hearts completely. i don’t think it clicks in her head that it’s something that needs to be built up to, not just given right away imho. it’s especially touchy for me now that i’m a month away from being a mom and struggling with the idea of how to even be a good mom. i was pretty firm in my stance and my reasoning until tonight when i was talking to a friend (21f) about the whole thing and made a joke that my new years resolution was to fix this whole situation (i don’t genuinely think it’s mine to fix, i just think she needs to come to terms with it on her own) and my friend called me an frigid bitch. normally, we joke around like this, and i responded by laughing and saying “damn right, ice queen over here” (a nickname bestowed thanks to rbf) which seemed to irritate her more. she said this was a person just trying to love me and give me “something i need” and i was “just being bitter”. she says it’s even worse because i refer to my mil (who i have built a relationship with) “ma”, like my husband. this took me by surprise, as i’ve never gotten that response from anyone, but she’s insisted that i’m ta and has refused to answer my messages of questions regarding the change of heart she had. am i really ta for not being comfortable just handing over a title i personally feel is huge to my dad’s wife?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (21f) feel strongly that i’m definitely nta but it may just be me being ta and justifying. my dad married a woman about two years. they make each other happy and i think she really makes him feel very validated and loved. it makes me happy, after all the horseshit this man has been through, that he gets love and support. she’s a hard worker and a bright person. the issue we run into is her apparent burning need for me to refer to her as mom. i have a post in my history if you’re interested in the deeper parts of it, but this is the biggest issue in our relationship. it started the very first time i met her at thanksgiving at her house, something i was not prepared for at the time, when she tried to cut my food up for me b/c “she does it for all her kids”. being 18 (read: pissy), i did not take to that well. it’s evolved to the passive aggressive “i know you don’t see me as your mom but....” to “i’ll always be your mom, even if you don’t want me to be” ever since i was frank with her that i felt she was pushing for a mother-daughter relationship that i did not want, that i appreciate all she did for my dad but that i would more than likely always just see her as my dad’s wife (went over as well as you’d expect). i would probably call her mom at this point if she hadn’t been shoving it down my throat for the past three years, but she doesn’t understand. the title mom means a lot to me, as i don’t have a relationship with my abusive and mentally ill egg donor, and the last woman i called mom broke my family’s hearts completely. i don’t think it clicks in her head that it’s something that needs to be built up to, not just given right away imho. it’s especially touchy for me now that i’m a month away from being a mom and struggling with the idea of how to even be a good mom. i was pretty firm in my stance and my reasoning until tonight when i was talking to a friend (21f) about the whole thing and made a joke that my new years resolution was to fix this whole situation (i don’t genuinely think it’s mine to fix, i just think she needs to come to terms with it on her own) and my friend called me an frigid bitch. normally, we joke around like this, and i responded by laughing and saying “damn right, ice queen over here” (a nickname bestowed thanks to rbf) which seemed to irritate her more. she said this was a person just trying to love me and give me “something i need” and i was “just being bitter”. she says it’s even worse because i refer to my mil (who i have built a relationship with) “ma”, like my husband. this took me by surprise, as i’ve never gotten that response from anyone, but she’s insisted that i’m ta and has refused to answer my messages of questions regarding the change of heart she had. am i really ta for not being comfortable just handing over a title i personally feel is huge to my dad’s wife? [/INST] nta!!! titles can mean a lot to people. if you don't see this woman as your mom she's not your mom. end of story. she sounds like a nice person but it seems really pushy to me that she's trying to force your relationship to be something its not. i'd also be concerned about the relationship she will try and have with your kid, seems like she'll desperately want to be grandma even if you wont see her as that. </s>
|
AITA for not paying for my daughters college if she gets plastic surgery?
|
daughter is 18, and will be going off to college soon. before my father died, he left some money for her and her siblings to go to school or buy a house. i have been adding to it ever since; for about ten years.
my daughter has independently saved up quite a bit of money over the years, around 12k. recently in a discussion about her future, i asked her what she planned on doing with the money. she was hesitant to tell me, but said that she planned on getting plastic surgery. she said she wanted a bbl, or brazilian butt lift. i have been hearing about this surgery killing people.
i told her she would absolutely not get plastic surgery because she looked fine. she says it’s her money and she will do what she wants. so i told her if she goes through with it i will not be paying for her college expenses. she is saying i can’t go back on my word, but just as she is going to be doing what she wants with her money, i can do what i want with mine.
my wife agrees with me but my mother doesn’t, because part of the money was given by my father, even though the amount he gave will barely cover a year for her. i don’t want her to do something so vain and stupid, but i also don’t want to limit her future. aita or is my daughter?
| 2,571 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eao6dp/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_daughters_college_if/
|
2019-12-14 19:36:19
|
yta. it’s her money to spend, on surgery or whatever else. don’t use your money to control and manipulate your child. you’ll find yourself with plenty of money but without a relationship with her. and the money from your father is absolutely hers, no question.
|
nta. have her watch botched - dubrow and nassif are considered one of the top plastic surgeons in the entire us, and they viciously condemn bbl as a high risk, frequent failure procedure. there's a lot of veins and connections to the lungs in your butt basically, and if they inject it the wrong way you won't just have trouble breathing. you will die. https://youtu.be/nrzzme1psnc
the second person in this video is what i'm mentioning.
have her hire a fitness trainer. have her do literally anything else besides bbl.
|
people on this sub are insane. you are not owed money for college from your parents, especially if you’re going to make dumb decisions like *getting dangerous plastic surgery*
nta.
there are many plastic surgeons that will not even preform the surgery you are talking about because of how high risk it is. this sub is run by children.
eta
thanks for the gold kind stranger!
|
nta, mainly because while 18 is legally an adult, her body may not be finished growing.
i shot up another inch at 20 and uh, got curvier.
i'd see if you can compromise with her. if she still wants the surgery in a year, she can get it.
make the college money part of the compromise.
|
yta. if you’re concerned about the risks of surgery, tell her that. but using her college fund to control her personal choices is just not right. are you going to threaten to stop paying her tuition every time she makes a choice you don’t like?
|
nta
maybe it would be fair/best giving her the money your father left her, however not the money you added to it.
like you said, it's your money and you can change your mind for any reason what or who to spend it on.
|
esh, modern society is the real asshole here. compromise - tell her after her graduation she can go ahead with the surgery - school first. no need for a buttlift while sitting on schoolbenches all day long. maybe be then she will have changed her mind. and if she didn't -, by then she is a grown woman and can do what she desires.
|
nta. she's an adult and if she'd rather waste her money on plastic surgery you're under no obligation to pay for her education.
|
nta, life is all about picking and choosing. what you need and what you want. if she is able to save up money for a butt lift then she can save for college. yeah sure it’s her money but does she plan on making a career off of her assets? and is it something she really needs now? you’re just trying to make sure she thinks about what she wants and how to be responsible. hell you can pay for my college if she still wants that butt lift 😂
|
nta. this sub is under the false impression that you owe her her college funds. you’re not “controlling her using money” your just being smart and not wasting money. she wants to use the money on a butt lift because she expects you to cover the cost of her tuition anyway? you’re doing the right thing
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.257125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: daughter is 18, and will be going off to college soon. before my father died, he left some money for her and her siblings to go to school or buy a house. i have been adding to it ever since; for about ten years. my daughter has independently saved up quite a bit of money over the years, around 12k. recently in a discussion about her future, i asked her what she planned on doing with the money. she was hesitant to tell me, but said that she planned on getting plastic surgery. she said she wanted a bbl, or brazilian butt lift. i have been hearing about this surgery killing people. i told her she would absolutely not get plastic surgery because she looked fine. she says it’s her money and she will do what she wants. so i told her if she goes through with it i will not be paying for her college expenses. she is saying i can’t go back on my word, but just as she is going to be doing what she wants with her money, i can do what i want with mine. my wife agrees with me but my mother doesn’t, because part of the money was given by my father, even though the amount he gave will barely cover a year for her. i don’t want her to do something so vain and stupid, but i also don’t want to limit her future. aita or is my daughter?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
daughter is 18, and will be going off to college soon. before my father died, he left some money for her and her siblings to go to school or buy a house. i have been adding to it ever since; for about ten years. my daughter has independently saved up quite a bit of money over the years, around 12k. recently in a discussion about her future, i asked her what she planned on doing with the money. she was hesitant to tell me, but said that she planned on getting plastic surgery. she said she wanted a bbl, or brazilian butt lift. i have been hearing about this surgery killing people. i told her she would absolutely not get plastic surgery because she looked fine. she says it’s her money and she will do what she wants. so i told her if she goes through with it i will not be paying for her college expenses. she is saying i can’t go back on my word, but just as she is going to be doing what she wants with her money, i can do what i want with mine. my wife agrees with me but my mother doesn’t, because part of the money was given by my father, even though the amount he gave will barely cover a year for her. i don’t want her to do something so vain and stupid, but i also don’t want to limit her future. aita or is my daughter? [/INST] yta. it’s her money to spend, on surgery or whatever else. don’t use your money to control and manipulate your child. you’ll find yourself with plenty of money but without a relationship with her. and the money from your father is absolutely hers, no question. </s>
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend she's not "really insecure."
|
throwaway for work related reasons.
my girlfriend and i have been dating for 2 years. my girlfriend, to not sugarcoat it, is extremely "insecure" in her looks and some aspects of her personality. she goes to therapy to better herself and claims that she's made progress.
however, i can't possibly imagine why she would be insecure. she's extremely attractive, and that's not just my opinion. she constantly gets guys attention, they're constantly flirting with her if i'm not around. occasionally, if we walk into a formal event together, i've seen literal heads turn when she walks by.
furthermore, my girlfriend is a ballerina. a ballerina's job description is to perform in front of hundreds of people for days, weeks, or even months in a row. i've seen her on stage, and she's phenomenal, but i can't understand her change in demeanor when she comes home. when she comes home, she'll usually be a mess and recount all the little "mistakes" that she makes, occasionally cry, and then go to sleep.
i love my girlfriend, but i can't stand her obliviousness to everyone around her constantly reminding her that she's attractive and extremely talented. she's many people's fantasies.
this morning, she was telling me about how nervous she is before every single show. she mentioned getting constant panic attacks before and after every big show. i, curious to find out her answer, i asked her why she chose a profession that requires her to literally showcase herself in front of people every night. she jokingly responded with, "it's the only thing i'm not terrible at and i like doing it."
i don't remember the exact words of the conversation, but it essentially went something like this.
me: i like knitting, doesn't mean i'll choose it as a career if i'm constantly anxious about it.
gf: it's different on stage.
me: it shouldn't be. i've never heard of you breaking down on stage like you do at home, yet by what you keep telling me, you should be deathly nervous on stage.
gf: it's different, i'm not really thinking when i'm dancing.
me: why don't you not "think" when you're with me, or friends, or guys. you only seem to be insecure when you want to.
now, my girlfriend is terrible with confrontation so i wasn't surprised when she left 30 minutes later for an jog and hasn't addressed me properly since. i told a friend of mine whos partner is also in the industry, and they immediately called me the ah. am i though? i thought she walked away because i said something she didn't want to hear, not because what i said was "mean"
aita?
| 1,053 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i0u5ey/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_shes_not_really/
|
2020-07-30 21:02:52
|
yta you literally mansplained her inner feelings to her and accused her of being insecure when she wants to, because who doesn't love being insecure? lmao seriously dude?
|
yta. many attractive, talented people feel insecure. it has nothing to do with how a person looks.
|
omg yta. did it ever occur to you that by analysing her career choice you could have created a new insecurity?? you do not sound supportive at all.
when she is on stage, she is in costume, she is in makeup and she is in character - she is not the same person and that is how she does it. it isn’t hard to understand. this is a great moment for someone that needs escapism from their stresses.
you gave so many red flags in your post:
she isn’t going to therapy to ‘better herself’ she is going to gain coping strategies so she can be happier.
“i love my girlfriend but i can’t stand her obliviousness...” so do you love her or can you not stand something that makes her the person she is?
“she’s many people’s fantasies” - no, she’s a person.
“why don’t you ‘think’ when you’re with me” - why do you want her to feel like she has to put up a front with you?
and the really telling one: “guys are constantly flirting with her when she’s around” - how could you possibly know that? she clearly doesn’t think they are which points to it being your assumption and likely why you are pushing her down. jfc.
your gf needs to pirouette away from you asap.
|
yes yta wtf.
your girlfriend outs her heart and soul into her performances. during that time she can distract herself from her anxiety. but then it all comes flooding back and she is then forced to analyse and critique everything she has done.
you're a major asshole for accusing her of putting it on. like she chooses to ha e breakdowns. like wtf is your issue. support your girlfriend or let her find someone who actually cares about her mental health.
|
men constantly staring and harassing us is not a confidence boost, it makes us feel gross. and you should research body dysmorphia because it's a super common thing amongst women.
not everyone was born with the confidence of a mediocre white man and you don't sound sympathetic to her real struggles at all. yta
|
[deleted]
|
yta. you're being extremely insensitive to her issues. it is not your place, or anyones place, to tell her her feelings or anxieties are valid or not. a huge part of why anxiety is hard to deal with is that the person *knows* some of their insecurities/worries are irrational. like dude, you don't understand anxiety issues (especially bad enough for therapy) on the most basic level, yet you've been dating this girl for 2 years.
on top of all of that, not that it even matters, but being a ballerina is notoriously incredibly difficult in terms of the level of perfection expected - ballerinas with body image issues/eating disorders are extremely common, and you should be proud of your gf for addressing them through therapy.
franky, i feel very bad for her. you're invalidating all her feelings, making her feel dumb, etc. jeez man, do better.
|
because beautiful people cant be insecure in their looks. you're not only a asshole but you're a idiot.
|
yta - wtf, op? mental health is complex. you‘ve been with this woman for two years. you should have developed an understanding for her issues by now. insecurity has nothing to do with looks, etc. and only with how people perceive themselves. be happy for her that she can forget about all that on stage instead of shaming her for it.
|
yta. low self esteem often means that a person can't see themselves the way others do. it is common -- maybe especially among performers -- and you cannot logic yourself away from it. if it is crippling, she might benefit from therapy.
but she cannot benefit from you belittling and denigrating her feelings and showing irritation.
you could support her by telling her that you are proud of her accomplishments, and that she is beautiful to you. that others notice her accomplishments much more than they would ever notice any tiny error.
but you are totally the asshole for getting irritated and trying to explain it away.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway for work related reasons. my girlfriend and i have been dating for 2 years. my girlfriend, to not sugarcoat it, is extremely "insecure" in her looks and some aspects of her personality. she goes to therapy to better herself and claims that she's made progress. however, i can't possibly imagine why she would be insecure. she's extremely attractive, and that's not just my opinion. she constantly gets guys attention, they're constantly flirting with her if i'm not around. occasionally, if we walk into a formal event together, i've seen literal heads turn when she walks by. furthermore, my girlfriend is a ballerina. a ballerina's job description is to perform in front of hundreds of people for days, weeks, or even months in a row. i've seen her on stage, and she's phenomenal, but i can't understand her change in demeanor when she comes home. when she comes home, she'll usually be a mess and recount all the little "mistakes" that she makes, occasionally cry, and then go to sleep. i love my girlfriend, but i can't stand her obliviousness to everyone around her constantly reminding her that she's attractive and extremely talented. she's many people's fantasies. this morning, she was telling me about how nervous she is before every single show. she mentioned getting constant panic attacks before and after every big show. i, curious to find out her answer, i asked her why she chose a profession that requires her to literally showcase herself in front of people every night. she jokingly responded with, "it's the only thing i'm not terrible at and i like doing it." i don't remember the exact words of the conversation, but it essentially went something like this. me: i like knitting, doesn't mean i'll choose it as a career if i'm constantly anxious about it. gf: it's different on stage. me: it shouldn't be. i've never heard of you breaking down on stage like you do at home, yet by what you keep telling me, you should be deathly nervous on stage. gf: it's different, i'm not really thinking when i'm dancing. me: why don't you not "think" when you're with me, or friends, or guys. you only seem to be insecure when you want to. now, my girlfriend is terrible with confrontation so i wasn't surprised when she left 30 minutes later for an jog and hasn't addressed me properly since. i told a friend of mine whos partner is also in the industry, and they immediately called me the ah. am i though? i thought she walked away because i said something she didn't want to hear, not because what i said was "mean" aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway for work related reasons. my girlfriend and i have been dating for 2 years. my girlfriend, to not sugarcoat it, is extremely "insecure" in her looks and some aspects of her personality. she goes to therapy to better herself and claims that she's made progress. however, i can't possibly imagine why she would be insecure. she's extremely attractive, and that's not just my opinion. she constantly gets guys attention, they're constantly flirting with her if i'm not around. occasionally, if we walk into a formal event together, i've seen literal heads turn when she walks by. furthermore, my girlfriend is a ballerina. a ballerina's job description is to perform in front of hundreds of people for days, weeks, or even months in a row. i've seen her on stage, and she's phenomenal, but i can't understand her change in demeanor when she comes home. when she comes home, she'll usually be a mess and recount all the little "mistakes" that she makes, occasionally cry, and then go to sleep. i love my girlfriend, but i can't stand her obliviousness to everyone around her constantly reminding her that she's attractive and extremely talented. she's many people's fantasies. this morning, she was telling me about how nervous she is before every single show. she mentioned getting constant panic attacks before and after every big show. i, curious to find out her answer, i asked her why she chose a profession that requires her to literally showcase herself in front of people every night. she jokingly responded with, "it's the only thing i'm not terrible at and i like doing it." i don't remember the exact words of the conversation, but it essentially went something like this. me: i like knitting, doesn't mean i'll choose it as a career if i'm constantly anxious about it. gf: it's different on stage. me: it shouldn't be. i've never heard of you breaking down on stage like you do at home, yet by what you keep telling me, you should be deathly nervous on stage. gf: it's different, i'm not really thinking when i'm dancing. me: why don't you not "think" when you're with me, or friends, or guys. you only seem to be insecure when you want to. now, my girlfriend is terrible with confrontation so i wasn't surprised when she left 30 minutes later for an jog and hasn't addressed me properly since. i told a friend of mine whos partner is also in the industry, and they immediately called me the ah. am i though? i thought she walked away because i said something she didn't want to hear, not because what i said was "mean" aita? [/INST] yta you literally mansplained her inner feelings to her and accused her of being insecure when she wants to, because who doesn't love being insecure? lmao seriously dude? </s>
|
AITA for wanting closure
|
a few years ago, my husband & i had a falling out with quentin & aurora because of my mental health & changing life circumstances. it was messy because things were blown out of proportion & they cut contact shortly after we had a talk where i explained to them how i didn't feel they were supportive enough (i admit it was partially my fault, but i was depressed & didn't expect them to take it so personally). i tried apologising, but quentin gave me a plain 'ok' whilst aurora left me on read (i found out from my husband later that aurora was furious at me for downplaying her & quentin's efforts to be there for me & for the list i made that helped me communicate my disappointment at them). i admit that i didn't handle that conversation well, but respected their decision to have some space.
this incident has been weighing heavily on me & my therapist suggested that maybe i could reach out to have a conversation with them. my husband asked if i was sure, and i was because this was my chance to either make things right or get some closure. aurora was hesitant, but quentin convinced her to at least hear me out. we met at a cafe, & aurora didn't seem keen to talk to me & gave very cold replies. i told them about my journey of getting better mentally, & added that i wanted to talk about what happened last time.
i asked aurora why hadn't she responded to my apology back then, & she said that she was under no obligation to reply. i told her that it was hurtful that my efforts were wasted, & that she couldn't blame me for my actions because i was depressed. she said that she understood, but that i cant keep blaming everything on depression & not take responsibility for my actions. that really stung, & i said that i understood i made a mistake but she should know better since she was also depressed for a period of time. she told me that she never used it as an excuse & reminded me that i was the one who blocked her (i unblocked her a year later). my husband tried to deescalate the situation, but aurora called him an enabler for never telling me the truth of how terribly i treated other people. i told her that she was horrible for punishing me for an illness, & she just shook her head & got up to leave. things were awkward, then quentin left as well after saying that it was a mistake to try to patch the friendship.
i asked my husband if what aurora said about him was true, but he got defensive & said that i handled the entire thing badly & he didn't want me to blame him for the repercussions. i feel absolutely betrayed by everyone at the moment, but not sure if i really am the asshole for wanting closure.
| 553 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q37466/aita_for_wanting_closure/
|
2021-10-07 11:33:41
|
yta
are you an opera singer? because all i’m hearing is “me me me meeee.”
your mental illnesses are not your fault but they are your responsibility. the conflict arose because you felt they weren’t being supportive and called them out.
the second conflict came about because you wanted a round two and came in guns blazing trying to tell aurora how she felt.
aurora doesn’t owe you jack, and i’ll doubt there will be a round three.
|
yta.
>she couldn't blame me for my actions because i was depressed
she absolutely can and should hold you accountable for your actions, even if you were depressed. it sounds like you are trying to find fault everywhere else without considering that you might have been wrong.
>i understood i made a mistake but she should know better since she was also depressed for a period of time.
i think the biggest issue i have here is with the "but" that you use to shift blame elsewhere. if you would have simply owned you mistake and apologized rather than try to justify your behavior, you might have saved the friendship.
|
yta, full stop.
first, mental health is not a get out of jail free card for shitty behavior. second, quentin and aurora owe you nothing, not closure not replies, nothing. your mental health journey is not their problem.
until you are willing to actually accept responsibility for your actions you are going to continue to hurt people till they cut you out of their lives.
i mean, jesus christ you wrote a list explaining why they weren't supportive enough. no self respecting adult should remain in a personal relationship where they are given performance reviews.
|
[deleted]
|
yta. depression does not absolve you from treating people badly or being wrong. you may not have been able to control it, but your refusal to accept that your actions had an effect on them and that you were not owed a response to your apology shows you havent grown a whole lot. your actions have consequences, depression or no.
|
yta
when you're the one who fucked up, you don't get to demand other people cater to your desire for closure by accepting your apology. they don't owe you anything, and honestly you sound incredibly self centered and it's very sus how you avoid telling us what you actually did to cause the fallout.
|
the fact that you left out a lot of context of your initial falling out makes me believe that you are hiding what you actually did and is probable cause to call you yta.
if you continue to blame your actions on your depression then you’re not really sorry for what you did. you’re not taking responsibility for being rude to your friends at all.
your ex-friend is well within her rights to remove her self from the toxic situation you keep putting her in.
|
yta. it sounds like you don't want closure, you want absolution without remorse. you don't get to dictate forgiveness. i suffer from depression as well and know that it can be a reason for my behavior, but it doesn't excuse it. you treated them badly and are not taking responsibility. look at your part in this and move on. it seems like they have. the closure you are seeking has to come from within.
|
really need more context in this, e.g. what “actions” do you think you shouldn’t be blamed for because you were depressed? it sounds like yta, but without more info it’s hard to know for certain.
you certainly *can* and *should* be held responsible for your own actions, even while depressed, and a friend understanding does not equate with absolving you of guilt. it also appears confusing and inconsistent that you claim to have respected their request for space but also blocked aurora (which seems spiteful, not respectful), only to resurface a year later wanting to reconcile, again with the intention of asking them to take responsibility for the pain they caused while you don’t for your part.
|
wow. you really blame everyone but yourself huh? you want to patch the friendship and start blaming aurora for leaving you on read after you did something wrong? it is time to take a hard look in the mirror and confront yourself without blaming others. you are very egocentric. depression is never an excuse for bad behaviour. it can be one of the reasons but you have to own up to your own mistakes.
oh yeah, yta
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a few years ago, my husband & i had a falling out with quentin & aurora because of my mental health & changing life circumstances. it was messy because things were blown out of proportion & they cut contact shortly after we had a talk where i explained to them how i didn't feel they were supportive enough (i admit it was partially my fault, but i was depressed & didn't expect them to take it so personally). i tried apologising, but quentin gave me a plain 'ok' whilst aurora left me on read (i found out from my husband later that aurora was furious at me for downplaying her & quentin's efforts to be there for me & for the list i made that helped me communicate my disappointment at them). i admit that i didn't handle that conversation well, but respected their decision to have some space. this incident has been weighing heavily on me & my therapist suggested that maybe i could reach out to have a conversation with them. my husband asked if i was sure, and i was because this was my chance to either make things right or get some closure. aurora was hesitant, but quentin convinced her to at least hear me out. we met at a cafe, & aurora didn't seem keen to talk to me & gave very cold replies. i told them about my journey of getting better mentally, & added that i wanted to talk about what happened last time. i asked aurora why hadn't she responded to my apology back then, & she said that she was under no obligation to reply. i told her that it was hurtful that my efforts were wasted, & that she couldn't blame me for my actions because i was depressed. she said that she understood, but that i cant keep blaming everything on depression & not take responsibility for my actions. that really stung, & i said that i understood i made a mistake but she should know better since she was also depressed for a period of time. she told me that she never used it as an excuse & reminded me that i was the one who blocked her (i unblocked her a year later). my husband tried to deescalate the situation, but aurora called him an enabler for never telling me the truth of how terribly i treated other people. i told her that she was horrible for punishing me for an illness, & she just shook her head & got up to leave. things were awkward, then quentin left as well after saying that it was a mistake to try to patch the friendship. i asked my husband if what aurora said about him was true, but he got defensive & said that i handled the entire thing badly & he didn't want me to blame him for the repercussions. i feel absolutely betrayed by everyone at the moment, but not sure if i really am the asshole for wanting closure.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a few years ago, my husband & i had a falling out with quentin & aurora because of my mental health & changing life circumstances. it was messy because things were blown out of proportion & they cut contact shortly after we had a talk where i explained to them how i didn't feel they were supportive enough (i admit it was partially my fault, but i was depressed & didn't expect them to take it so personally). i tried apologising, but quentin gave me a plain 'ok' whilst aurora left me on read (i found out from my husband later that aurora was furious at me for downplaying her & quentin's efforts to be there for me & for the list i made that helped me communicate my disappointment at them). i admit that i didn't handle that conversation well, but respected their decision to have some space. this incident has been weighing heavily on me & my therapist suggested that maybe i could reach out to have a conversation with them. my husband asked if i was sure, and i was because this was my chance to either make things right or get some closure. aurora was hesitant, but quentin convinced her to at least hear me out. we met at a cafe, & aurora didn't seem keen to talk to me & gave very cold replies. i told them about my journey of getting better mentally, & added that i wanted to talk about what happened last time. i asked aurora why hadn't she responded to my apology back then, & she said that she was under no obligation to reply. i told her that it was hurtful that my efforts were wasted, & that she couldn't blame me for my actions because i was depressed. she said that she understood, but that i cant keep blaming everything on depression & not take responsibility for my actions. that really stung, & i said that i understood i made a mistake but she should know better since she was also depressed for a period of time. she told me that she never used it as an excuse & reminded me that i was the one who blocked her (i unblocked her a year later). my husband tried to deescalate the situation, but aurora called him an enabler for never telling me the truth of how terribly i treated other people. i told her that she was horrible for punishing me for an illness, & she just shook her head & got up to leave. things were awkward, then quentin left as well after saying that it was a mistake to try to patch the friendship. i asked my husband if what aurora said about him was true, but he got defensive & said that i handled the entire thing badly & he didn't want me to blame him for the repercussions. i feel absolutely betrayed by everyone at the moment, but not sure if i really am the asshole for wanting closure. [/INST] yta are you an opera singer? because all i’m hearing is “me me me meeee.” your mental illnesses are not your fault but they are your responsibility. the conflict arose because you felt they weren’t being supportive and called them out. the second conflict came about because you wanted a round two and came in guns blazing trying to tell aurora how she felt. aurora doesn’t owe you jack, and i’ll doubt there will be a round three. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to always take care of my disabled cousin at family gatherings?
|
i am in my late 20ies. my cousin(22) john has multiple instellectual and physical disabilities. he is generally a really sweet person, but needs constant supervision and attention.
when i was younger and presented as female (i'n nonbinary trans), i always took care of him on family gatherings. i was okay, my other cousins were alle boys and i didn't have much in common with them as a kid/teenager.
john loves doing things repeatedly, so we would play the same game for hours, listen to the same stories for hours etc.
now that we are older, my other cousins are all married. i would love to talk more to them and their wives. and of course to the other family members. but i'm usually occupied with john all day long. he is used that i take care of him at family gatherings, so he would come directly to me.
on our last family gathering, when john suggested a game, i just loudly said "i think i'll now have coffee with jen and julia. i think, my dad peter and uncle fred would love to learn how to play this game." john was first unsure, but then he was happy to explain the game to them for hours.
now we will have another family gathering, my mom and my dad basically called me ta on this move. they said it's "tradition" that i take care of john, they want to talk to the other family members during the gatherings. i said i want to talk too to everyone, and that i think it would be fair if we would split the care for john between family members. i enjoy spending 2-3 hours with him, but not the whole time. they said that i'm being selfish.
| 4,626 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/su6ngr/aita_for_not_wanting_to_always_take_care_of_my/
|
2022-02-16 21:16:00
|
nta.
>they said that i'm being selfish.
interesting how *you're* the only one who doesn't benefit from this "tradition" you never actually agreed to participate in, yet wanting to change it up and give other people a chance to enjoy john's company is somehow the selfish move here. if nobody really wants to look after him, hire a caretaker. don't demand you do it for free.
|
nta - but your parents are. john isnt your responsibility and of course you want to get to know your family as an adult. it is entirely unfair of everyone to just assume you’ll take care of him. also, f*** tradition. that isnt tradition, that’s selfishly taking advantage of a nice kid who disnt want to hang around with adults. now you’re an adult and situations have changed.
they are being selfish, not you.
ps: um.. yes you are prioritizing your needs over his, as you should. you are his cousin, not his parent
|
they said it's "tradition".
"your tradition sucks."
nta and your family damn well knows it.
|
nta funny how they are accusing *you* of being the selfish one.
>they want to talk to the other family members during the gatherings.
like they're the only ones. you should be allowed to hang out and chat with you family as well. your suggestion that he spend time with other family members is a good one. i would talk to his parents about that for next time and just let your parents deal with your decision.
|
nta
father of a child with physical and intellectual disabilities here: taking care of someone is not a tradition. there's not really a nice way to say it, but it is a chore. it can be enjoyable and rewarding, but it is something that takes one away from other things. no matter how it felt earlier, there comes a time when we want to do something and at that point, someone else should be more than happy to jump in.
now the only thing close to an ah move i see is basically dropping him into someone else's lap, but i didn't see anything in your story that would have given a better way of handling it. i would have expected his (core) family to have stepped in once in a while to not treat him like a burden to drop off onto someone else, but based on your story, they invited your reaction upon themselves. if you choose to address your situation with the people calling you an ah, consider this is probably the thing you have against you. normal people would have gotten the clue and not forced that out of you though.
|
nta
a 'tradition' is something special shared amongst people, it's not the dismission of one or two people from a family event, cause that's really what it is at this point.
honestly, in your shoes i'd reconsider going to family events if i was forced to be a babysitter. it's like this other post i saw with the person that got stuck taking care of the bride and groom's (sister's) baby and missed the entire reception because they didn't want the baby interrupting things. just like that one, i'd say you're not an asshole for not wanting to be the family's door mat.
|
nta. you need to try and stand up for yourself and take a firm stand on this. time is either split or you’re not going. it’s just ridiculous that you are being used as a babysitter at every single gathering.
|
nta, if your only function at family gatherings is yo babysit then there’s no reason for you to go. it’s absolutely fair after years of being the only excluded one that you would like to participate in the rest of the family gathering. they’re just upset that they can’t keep the status quo that benefits them
|
nta. if i were in your shoes, i would opt out of the next few family gatherings. there really isn't any point in going if you're just babysitting the entire time.
|
you're being selfish for not wanting to spend the whole time with john but they're not being selfish by not wanting to spend any time with john? things were different when you were younger. taking care of a cousin at a party is not a tradition! that's the just their way of saying they don't want anything to change because it's convenient for you. you are nta.
why are his parents not taking care of him?
edited because talk to text screwed up.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am in my late 20ies. my cousin(22) john has multiple instellectual and physical disabilities. he is generally a really sweet person, but needs constant supervision and attention. when i was younger and presented as female (i'n nonbinary trans), i always took care of him on family gatherings. i was okay, my other cousins were alle boys and i didn't have much in common with them as a kid/teenager. john loves doing things repeatedly, so we would play the same game for hours, listen to the same stories for hours etc. now that we are older, my other cousins are all married. i would love to talk more to them and their wives. and of course to the other family members. but i'm usually occupied with john all day long. he is used that i take care of him at family gatherings, so he would come directly to me. on our last family gathering, when john suggested a game, i just loudly said "i think i'll now have coffee with jen and julia. i think, my dad peter and uncle fred would love to learn how to play this game." john was first unsure, but then he was happy to explain the game to them for hours. now we will have another family gathering, my mom and my dad basically called me ta on this move. they said it's "tradition" that i take care of john, they want to talk to the other family members during the gatherings. i said i want to talk too to everyone, and that i think it would be fair if we would split the care for john between family members. i enjoy spending 2-3 hours with him, but not the whole time. they said that i'm being selfish.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am in my late 20ies. my cousin(22) john has multiple instellectual and physical disabilities. he is generally a really sweet person, but needs constant supervision and attention. when i was younger and presented as female (i'n nonbinary trans), i always took care of him on family gatherings. i was okay, my other cousins were alle boys and i didn't have much in common with them as a kid/teenager. john loves doing things repeatedly, so we would play the same game for hours, listen to the same stories for hours etc. now that we are older, my other cousins are all married. i would love to talk more to them and their wives. and of course to the other family members. but i'm usually occupied with john all day long. he is used that i take care of him at family gatherings, so he would come directly to me. on our last family gathering, when john suggested a game, i just loudly said "i think i'll now have coffee with jen and julia. i think, my dad peter and uncle fred would love to learn how to play this game." john was first unsure, but then he was happy to explain the game to them for hours. now we will have another family gathering, my mom and my dad basically called me ta on this move. they said it's "tradition" that i take care of john, they want to talk to the other family members during the gatherings. i said i want to talk too to everyone, and that i think it would be fair if we would split the care for john between family members. i enjoy spending 2-3 hours with him, but not the whole time. they said that i'm being selfish. [/INST] nta. >they said that i'm being selfish. interesting how *you're* the only one who doesn't benefit from this "tradition" you never actually agreed to participate in, yet wanting to change it up and give other people a chance to enjoy john's company is somehow the selfish move here. if nobody really wants to look after him, hire a caretaker. don't demand you do it for free. </s>
|
AITA for not knowing gym etiquette?
|
i'm 28 f. my gym is on a military base. i get in to do my workout, start with free weights and notice the only flatbench is taken (two guys chatting by it but no one using it). i didn't want to interrupt so i come back 15 mins later, they are still hanging out and bench untouched. i skip to the machines, come back again 30 minutes later when i'm done (except row machine) i sit on it and notice someone's phone is on the middle bar. i look around and no one is nearby. naturally, i start asking if anyone lost it, after asking 6 people someone points me to the 2 guys still by the free weights and says its probably one of theirs. i walk up and ask if either of them lost it. one guy says its his but" he was about to use the machine". i said "i didn't know, but when i was by it no one was around." he said in a condescending tone "well my phone was there and its called a superset. its a thing."
i just hand him his phone, said "cool" and walked away skipping both the flatbench and row machine, no biggie.
i continue to the next room and do barbell squats. in the middle of my rep phone guy comes up to me and says something. mind you i have my headphones on so i rack the bar, pause my music, and he says "i said its free now if you want to use it." i just said "thanks."
on my way to sign out a mutual friend stopped to tell me the two guys were talking about gym etiquette and laughing at people not lifting "real weights". she assumed it was about me. i said it probably was.
i have heard of people leaving gym bags or towels to mark something but thought nothing of the sort with the phone. am i the asshole for not knowing proper gym etiquette for machines "marked"?
quick
| 1,388 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ssc76n/aita_for_not_knowing_gym_etiquette/
|
2022-02-14 14:43:13
|
nta. this is why i stopped going to the gym and just try to do things at home. i cannot stand gym bros. gate keeping douches
|
nta
gym etiquette is not what gymbros think it is. putting one's phone on a machine does not 'reserve' it. and i bet the actual gym would not say it does either. if you could pick up the phone without him noticing it then his gym use is inconsiderate because clearly he considered himself using more than one space at a time (ie hogging the space). that's selfish behaviour.
|
nta
it sounds like bs to me. who hogs two machines for over 30 minutes but don't actually use them? then have the audacity to mock other people's work outs? i am pretty sure the proper gym etiquette there is to report them to the staff. no one wants bullying, machine hogs at the gym.
|
nta. using your phone as a placeholder is also giving your phone away. he’s lucky you were honest.
|
nta they’re the ones without etiquette
|
nta - they don’t get to “claim” something for 30+ minutes and not actually use it during that time. they’re just being assholes
|
nta. was this your first experience with a gym bro? you can ask the employees, but i doubt "reserving" a machine for over 45 minutes is acceptable.
|
as someone who has been lifting for almost a decade & supersets are literally my favorite to throw into my gym routines, always on the same muscle for time under tension.. wtf kind of superset is that guy doing?
supersetting is one workout, & then immediately doing another without stopping in between.
then rest 1-1 1/2 minutes & repeat. this guy was just being an obnoxious gym douche. tell him if he hasnt used it after 10 minutes, he doesnt still have "dibs" on it.
|
nta. and that’s not gum etiquette. those guys were being ahs.
|
nta, they could do with some etiquette themselves and not hang out wasting everyone's time chatting around a piece of equipment when someone may need to use it. i would have thought the same thing if i saw an idle phone just left there, i'd assume someone mislaid it.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 28 f. my gym is on a military base. i get in to do my workout, start with free weights and notice the only flatbench is taken (two guys chatting by it but no one using it). i didn't want to interrupt so i come back 15 mins later, they are still hanging out and bench untouched. i skip to the machines, come back again 30 minutes later when i'm done (except row machine) i sit on it and notice someone's phone is on the middle bar. i look around and no one is nearby. naturally, i start asking if anyone lost it, after asking 6 people someone points me to the 2 guys still by the free weights and says its probably one of theirs. i walk up and ask if either of them lost it. one guy says its his but" he was about to use the machine". i said "i didn't know, but when i was by it no one was around." he said in a condescending tone "well my phone was there and its called a superset. its a thing." i just hand him his phone, said "cool" and walked away skipping both the flatbench and row machine, no biggie. i continue to the next room and do barbell squats. in the middle of my rep phone guy comes up to me and says something. mind you i have my headphones on so i rack the bar, pause my music, and he says "i said its free now if you want to use it." i just said "thanks." on my way to sign out a mutual friend stopped to tell me the two guys were talking about gym etiquette and laughing at people not lifting "real weights". she assumed it was about me. i said it probably was. i have heard of people leaving gym bags or towels to mark something but thought nothing of the sort with the phone. am i the asshole for not knowing proper gym etiquette for machines "marked"? quick
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm 28 f. my gym is on a military base. i get in to do my workout, start with free weights and notice the only flatbench is taken (two guys chatting by it but no one using it). i didn't want to interrupt so i come back 15 mins later, they are still hanging out and bench untouched. i skip to the machines, come back again 30 minutes later when i'm done (except row machine) i sit on it and notice someone's phone is on the middle bar. i look around and no one is nearby. naturally, i start asking if anyone lost it, after asking 6 people someone points me to the 2 guys still by the free weights and says its probably one of theirs. i walk up and ask if either of them lost it. one guy says its his but" he was about to use the machine". i said "i didn't know, but when i was by it no one was around." he said in a condescending tone "well my phone was there and its called a superset. its a thing." i just hand him his phone, said "cool" and walked away skipping both the flatbench and row machine, no biggie. i continue to the next room and do barbell squats. in the middle of my rep phone guy comes up to me and says something. mind you i have my headphones on so i rack the bar, pause my music, and he says "i said its free now if you want to use it." i just said "thanks." on my way to sign out a mutual friend stopped to tell me the two guys were talking about gym etiquette and laughing at people not lifting "real weights". she assumed it was about me. i said it probably was. i have heard of people leaving gym bags or towels to mark something but thought nothing of the sort with the phone. am i the asshole for not knowing proper gym etiquette for machines "marked"? quick [/INST] nta. this is why i stopped going to the gym and just try to do things at home. i cannot stand gym bros. gate keeping douches </s>
|
WIBTA if I lock my bedroom door when I leave for college?
|
this is such a first world problem but it annoyed me so much this time.. so me and my sister are very close and she has a 4 year old daughter. they come over to visit pretty often and my niece likes to go up to my room and play with my stuff, i don't mind that much, but i study and work away from home so i'm not here most of the time. i've noticed that when i come back and i'm looking for something i find out that my niece has taken it home. what annoys me the most about this is that my family finds it funny and cute. i did too at first but it's just too much now. i want my privacy, i have things in my room that a child, or even my family shouldn't see or have access to. i can see that my niece is extremely spoiled. even when we have dinner together she doesn't let anyone talk if the attention isn't on her and nobody is saying anything about it. whenever i talked to my sister about it she got defensive and said that i hate her child and she's not going to come visit anymore, even though i love that child more than anything but i believe that at this age she should learn about boundaries. i am now thinking of locking my bedroom door whenever i leave for college but i feel like that's not going to end well. my sister will turn this on me and get offended that i "don't like her child". i just want my things to stay in my home. wibta if i start locking the door?
| 1,795 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g931sc/wibta_if_i_lock_my_bedroom_door_when_i_leave_for/
|
2020-04-27 15:40:20
|
nta. i wouldn’t be surprised to find that your parents unlock the door for the kid while you’re gone. consider taking everything of importance with you or hiding it.
|
nta, and neither is your niece. it’s not her fault she’s spoiled, your sister would be ta.
i personally think locking the door might be overkill, but if you can’t hide your stuff or find an alternative, go for it.
|
nta, but it would be ill-advised to have a locked room that the rest of the family couldn't get into. not for the sake of not offending your sister, but because in an emergency people may need to get into your room.
i'd buy a big locking crate and put all your private stuff/child-unfriendly things in there. if you make the room look boring, your niece won't be interested in going into it.
|
nta. you should lock your door whenever your nieces come to visit. also what does privacy have to do with "not liking her child"?
|
nta
but it would be better to put your stuff in the wardrobe and drawers and lock those instead. that's simply for safety and to let your parents clean the room while you're out.
|
nta. but if you wanted to make things spicy, leave a giant dong out. bet when that shows up at your sisters house the problem will resolve itself
|
nta, but who owns or rents your place? if it's your parents, you need their permission to lock your room up. what if there was a water leak or other destruction and they needed access to the room to make repairs? of course if you lock the room but provide your parents with the key, that would work unless they are complicit in your niece going in there.
i think it makes more sense, and might be more understandable to your sister and niece, if you bought an inexpensive metal foot locker and put all your special things in there with a padlock on it. you can tell the niece it's your "treasure box."
i hope this helped.
|
nta, its your room, you have a right to your privacy and your possessions. if your sister isn't teaching her daughter about personal boundaries that's on her not you.
|
nta - a 4 year old is plenty old enough to understand that they shouldn't take other people's things. it's not cute for you to come home and find your stuff missing. your sister needs to teach her kid to respect other people's belongings. but seeing as she refuses to, then better not to let her access your room at all!
|
info: do you pay rent in the home where you want to lock your bedroom door? how would your mother feel about you locking a door in her home? could you give her a key so if she needs the room she can have access?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is such a first world problem but it annoyed me so much this time.. so me and my sister are very close and she has a 4 year old daughter. they come over to visit pretty often and my niece likes to go up to my room and play with my stuff, i don't mind that much, but i study and work away from home so i'm not here most of the time. i've noticed that when i come back and i'm looking for something i find out that my niece has taken it home. what annoys me the most about this is that my family finds it funny and cute. i did too at first but it's just too much now. i want my privacy, i have things in my room that a child, or even my family shouldn't see or have access to. i can see that my niece is extremely spoiled. even when we have dinner together she doesn't let anyone talk if the attention isn't on her and nobody is saying anything about it. whenever i talked to my sister about it she got defensive and said that i hate her child and she's not going to come visit anymore, even though i love that child more than anything but i believe that at this age she should learn about boundaries. i am now thinking of locking my bedroom door whenever i leave for college but i feel like that's not going to end well. my sister will turn this on me and get offended that i "don't like her child". i just want my things to stay in my home. wibta if i start locking the door?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is such a first world problem but it annoyed me so much this time.. so me and my sister are very close and she has a 4 year old daughter. they come over to visit pretty often and my niece likes to go up to my room and play with my stuff, i don't mind that much, but i study and work away from home so i'm not here most of the time. i've noticed that when i come back and i'm looking for something i find out that my niece has taken it home. what annoys me the most about this is that my family finds it funny and cute. i did too at first but it's just too much now. i want my privacy, i have things in my room that a child, or even my family shouldn't see or have access to. i can see that my niece is extremely spoiled. even when we have dinner together she doesn't let anyone talk if the attention isn't on her and nobody is saying anything about it. whenever i talked to my sister about it she got defensive and said that i hate her child and she's not going to come visit anymore, even though i love that child more than anything but i believe that at this age she should learn about boundaries. i am now thinking of locking my bedroom door whenever i leave for college but i feel like that's not going to end well. my sister will turn this on me and get offended that i "don't like her child". i just want my things to stay in my home. wibta if i start locking the door? [/INST] nta. i wouldn’t be surprised to find that your parents unlock the door for the kid while you’re gone. consider taking everything of importance with you or hiding it. </s>
|
AITA for denying my culture?
|
i'll keep this short.
i'm a british. i am 15. i have lived here my whole life. my parents' history, to me, is irrelevant, but they are both half british.
i've lived in the same place my whole life, and the people i've gone to school with all don't really see race, which is the best thing for me, cus i don't look like where i'm from. however, recently there's been an indian girl who's joined the school.
this girl, who i'm gonna call d, has moved here from india. she comes up to me and immediately starts talking hindi. i don't know a word of hindi. i explain this to her and she is shocked. she asks how i could not understand simple hindi when it's in my blood.
i immediately dislike her after this. she has trouble making friends because she pretty much just wants to make friends with indian looking people. issue is that we all already have our own friend groups. i think she had some fantasy about all of the brown people banding together around her and forming our own friend group.
recently we were in class and we were told to talk about our favourite food, cus idk, we're ahead of syllabus. d then says an indian dish. the class asks her what it is and she points to me and says that i should explain it cus i'm indian too.
i tell her i'm not indian and i know nothing about this dish. i've never been to india, and i don't really care about india any more that any other country. she starts an argument about how i'm denying my heritage and how i'll never be a real brit because i'm brown and that by my face alone i'm indian, and that i should be proud.
she begins to cry and wail a bit and i'm feeling guilty. at this point i'm also wondering if she's right. aita
| 259 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sigjfw/aita_for_denying_my_culture/
|
2022-02-02 05:27:04
|
nta
you can identify however you want in this situation. maybe one day you will want to explore that part of your ancestry, maybe not. it's fine either way.
but maybe be gentle with d. she just moved away from everything she's known in india and she is in a scary new place, seeking something familiar and comforting. you can't blame her for looking for something there that she can identify with. does that make sense?
be kind. be understanding.
|
nta. you are british, not indian. you are of indian descent. i’m of italian descent (100%) but i don’t speak italian or cook italian food more than any other kind
|
nta. you are british and that is your culture.
|
nta. just because she’s decided to define your culture for you doesn’t mean you have to play along.
|
nta. you have no attachment to your ethnic heritage. if it doesn’t bother you then it shouldn’t bother anyone else.
but i can see it from this girl’s perspective. as an immigrant she’s trying to find community and common interest with people she thinks she can most easily relate to and of course she’s going to base that off of who she thinks looks most like her.
since she’s having a hard time fitting in it would be nice if you were able to try to include her in things. if she gets on your case you can tell her politely that you and she were raised differently, in different counties, with different set of experiences so you are both going to relate to your ethnic heritage differently. and that if she keeps making it a thing you aren’t going to want to be friends with her bc by her trying to get you to fit into some expectation she has of brown people means she’s actually not seeing who you really are as a person. bc brown people are allowed to be different. they don’t all have to speak the same language or eat the same food or have the same relationship to culture/religion/cuisine just bc their ancestors came from the same place.
she sounds lonely and it must be hard to move to a totally new country at her age so whatever grace you can show her by being patient with her while she adjusts would be a great kindness.
|
nta
she sounds quite racist tbh.
|
nta your culture is british. even if you were not it was rude of her to just think that you knew hindi. you could have come from anywhere. even if you did come from india that morning and she knew it was rude of her, i've just looked it up and there are 22 separate official languages, it is home to a total of 121 languages and 270 mother tongues.
as for saying "never be a real brit because i'm brown and that by my face alone i'm indian" how racist is that to say to someone "your brown so you can never be british"? i hope you reported her for those remarks to both the school and the police. if she believes no one can be british if there not white and she is not white, what is she and her family ding in britain? if she is a white indian, then by her own rule she can not be indian.
|
nta. that poor girl sounds horrible. her logic makes zero sense at all. maybe because i'm an "american mutt", i can't really get it, but aren't brittish people pretty blended? like ya'll have lots of colors and cultures. calling yourself indian would be no different than me calling myself brittish just because it's in 40% of my dna. it's stupid.
|
nta. she sounds weird. she's making a lot of gross assumptions about you and other people like you based on skin color. and the fact that she keeps trying to call you out on your lack of indianess is very disrespectful. you can attempt to have a private conversation with her about respecting your boundaries but this is her circus and you are not her animal. i would just keep your distance if possible.
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'll keep this short. i'm a british. i am 15. i have lived here my whole life. my parents' history, to me, is irrelevant, but they are both half british. i've lived in the same place my whole life, and the people i've gone to school with all don't really see race, which is the best thing for me, cus i don't look like where i'm from. however, recently there's been an indian girl who's joined the school. this girl, who i'm gonna call d, has moved here from india. she comes up to me and immediately starts talking hindi. i don't know a word of hindi. i explain this to her and she is shocked. she asks how i could not understand simple hindi when it's in my blood. i immediately dislike her after this. she has trouble making friends because she pretty much just wants to make friends with indian looking people. issue is that we all already have our own friend groups. i think she had some fantasy about all of the brown people banding together around her and forming our own friend group. recently we were in class and we were told to talk about our favourite food, cus idk, we're ahead of syllabus. d then says an indian dish. the class asks her what it is and she points to me and says that i should explain it cus i'm indian too. i tell her i'm not indian and i know nothing about this dish. i've never been to india, and i don't really care about india any more that any other country. she starts an argument about how i'm denying my heritage and how i'll never be a real brit because i'm brown and that by my face alone i'm indian, and that i should be proud. she begins to cry and wail a bit and i'm feeling guilty. at this point i'm also wondering if she's right. aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'll keep this short. i'm a british. i am 15. i have lived here my whole life. my parents' history, to me, is irrelevant, but they are both half british. i've lived in the same place my whole life, and the people i've gone to school with all don't really see race, which is the best thing for me, cus i don't look like where i'm from. however, recently there's been an indian girl who's joined the school. this girl, who i'm gonna call d, has moved here from india. she comes up to me and immediately starts talking hindi. i don't know a word of hindi. i explain this to her and she is shocked. she asks how i could not understand simple hindi when it's in my blood. i immediately dislike her after this. she has trouble making friends because she pretty much just wants to make friends with indian looking people. issue is that we all already have our own friend groups. i think she had some fantasy about all of the brown people banding together around her and forming our own friend group. recently we were in class and we were told to talk about our favourite food, cus idk, we're ahead of syllabus. d then says an indian dish. the class asks her what it is and she points to me and says that i should explain it cus i'm indian too. i tell her i'm not indian and i know nothing about this dish. i've never been to india, and i don't really care about india any more that any other country. she starts an argument about how i'm denying my heritage and how i'll never be a real brit because i'm brown and that by my face alone i'm indian, and that i should be proud. she begins to cry and wail a bit and i'm feeling guilty. at this point i'm also wondering if she's right. aita [/INST] nta you can identify however you want in this situation. maybe one day you will want to explore that part of your ancestry, maybe not. it's fine either way. but maybe be gentle with d. she just moved away from everything she's known in india and she is in a scary new place, seeking something familiar and comforting. you can't blame her for looking for something there that she can identify with. does that make sense? be kind. be understanding. </s>
|
AITA for telling my husband that our son being bullied isn't about him?
|
my 12 year old son is currently being bullied. i have been in touch with the school, but so far nothing has come of it and i'm planning on going down to the principal's office and acting like a karen, which i am not looking forward to, but i am disappointed in the school's response.
my husband picked our son and one of his friends up from school today, and they immediately started telling him about an incident with the bully. the bully was hanging out on the playground and my husband decided to go over to him.
some background, my fil was always the cool dad. he is someone who naturally excels at everything, and he is in very good physical shape. my husband was kind of an awkward kid who always felt inferior, and his first serious girlfriend had a huge crush on fil, which i kind of don't blame her but i would never tell him that. when my husband was having issues with a bully, fil walked up to the kid and said that he heard he was messing with his son and he doesn't ever want to hear that again. the kid almost shit himself and just muttered yes sir, and my husband never had an issue again.
my husband thought he was going to have the same type of moment and our son was going to look at him like a hero, just like he did with his dad. long story short the bully verbally humiliated my husband, and when he got home he sulked for a couple of hours. he told me it was humiliating, and i said that it is really our son's trauma and not his, and he told me how bad he feels because he just wanted to be like his dad. i told him that he was kind of making it about him and it isn't. now my husband is mad at me and feels like i'm insensitive.
| 843 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kj05a0/aita_for_telling_my_husband_that_our_son_being/
|
2020-12-23 20:02:44
|
nta, but being verbally humiliated by someone who's voice probably isn't even cracking is probably majorly embarrassing. honestly, i think your husband made it worse because now the bully will have more ammo against your son. plus in this day and age, an adult can get into some real trouble approaching a kid like that, this isn't back in the day when you could tell off a neighbor kid for doing something and the parent wouldn't bat an eye. and yes i've found to get a problem solved the principal is the only one you should talk to.
|
info: how did the 12 year old humiliate him?
|
i have so many questions. first. how does a 12-year-old humiliate an adult?
but second. what. i mean is your father in law harrison ford...or tom selleck...because, what?
> his first serious girlfriend had a huge crush on fil, which i kind of don't blame her but i would never tell him that.
|
nta
you should never involve yourself like that if your kid is getting bullied. sadly, he probably just made your son's torment even worse for the coming times. it is your son's issue, not your husband's, so i'd focus on him. get your son some tae kwon do or karate lessons. they do wonders at building confidence in young boys. then, your son will have enough confidence to verbally assault his bully back, and that's how you really stop bullies. you gotta stand up for yourself and stop being such an easy target. written by someone who was bullied for 3 years until i finally stepped up to the plate, and retaliated verbally, and finally got it to stop.
|
nah - to me it feels like your husband wanted to protect your son, like his dad protected him. he probably wanted to have that same bond with your son, and the bully has unfortunately ruined that for him and put a huge dent in his self esteem. be a little easier on him, so long as he doesn't start telling your son that his experience is "less than" his it's not a problem.
|
info: is he sulking around your son?
|
nta. going up to the kid at school is completely unacceptable. he never should have put himself into the position in the first place and now he’s sad because a child was mean to him? grow up.
|
maybe tell your husband that you admire that he wanted to access that protective and strong part of himself. at this point both your son and husband are probably feeling pretty low. they need to figure out how to reframe this; they probably both feel like failures. your husband needs advice for how to best go forward: you have an opportunity to help him and in doing so help your son. what advice should you give him? well, he needs to accept that the bully got the better of him, and he needs to laugh about it. it would also be cool if he and your son had some kind of meeting, and they came up with another plan together for neutralizing this threat. whatever they come up with together, support it. ideally your son would also take an active part in this plan. rolling over and accepting bad treatment should not be an option. you should consider sitting back and seeing what happens; i think they both need to experience taking the lead, taking action. i hope your husband finds the strength of his father inside of himself!
|
nta - you’re right. it’s not about him. but..... as a dad whos had one of his kids bullied (and i went through it as well - not fun - it stains your whole life)i can empathize with your husband. i had to restrain myself from saying anything to my sons’ bully (though i really wanted to break my foot off in his ass) and let the school and the kids parents deal with it.
what sucks is that you can’t give the little shit what he deserves - a bloody nose. you’ll probably get arrested and sued.
|
nta. i agree with your perspective, husband is making something about him when you should be concentrating on son & sorting the actual issue which is your son being bullied
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null |
NTA
|
NAH
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.041844 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my 12 year old son is currently being bullied. i have been in touch with the school, but so far nothing has come of it and i'm planning on going down to the principal's office and acting like a karen, which i am not looking forward to, but i am disappointed in the school's response. my husband picked our son and one of his friends up from school today, and they immediately started telling him about an incident with the bully. the bully was hanging out on the playground and my husband decided to go over to him. some background, my fil was always the cool dad. he is someone who naturally excels at everything, and he is in very good physical shape. my husband was kind of an awkward kid who always felt inferior, and his first serious girlfriend had a huge crush on fil, which i kind of don't blame her but i would never tell him that. when my husband was having issues with a bully, fil walked up to the kid and said that he heard he was messing with his son and he doesn't ever want to hear that again. the kid almost shit himself and just muttered yes sir, and my husband never had an issue again. my husband thought he was going to have the same type of moment and our son was going to look at him like a hero, just like he did with his dad. long story short the bully verbally humiliated my husband, and when he got home he sulked for a couple of hours. he told me it was humiliating, and i said that it is really our son's trauma and not his, and he told me how bad he feels because he just wanted to be like his dad. i told him that he was kind of making it about him and it isn't. now my husband is mad at me and feels like i'm insensitive.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my 12 year old son is currently being bullied. i have been in touch with the school, but so far nothing has come of it and i'm planning on going down to the principal's office and acting like a karen, which i am not looking forward to, but i am disappointed in the school's response. my husband picked our son and one of his friends up from school today, and they immediately started telling him about an incident with the bully. the bully was hanging out on the playground and my husband decided to go over to him. some background, my fil was always the cool dad. he is someone who naturally excels at everything, and he is in very good physical shape. my husband was kind of an awkward kid who always felt inferior, and his first serious girlfriend had a huge crush on fil, which i kind of don't blame her but i would never tell him that. when my husband was having issues with a bully, fil walked up to the kid and said that he heard he was messing with his son and he doesn't ever want to hear that again. the kid almost shit himself and just muttered yes sir, and my husband never had an issue again. my husband thought he was going to have the same type of moment and our son was going to look at him like a hero, just like he did with his dad. long story short the bully verbally humiliated my husband, and when he got home he sulked for a couple of hours. he told me it was humiliating, and i said that it is really our son's trauma and not his, and he told me how bad he feels because he just wanted to be like his dad. i told him that he was kind of making it about him and it isn't. now my husband is mad at me and feels like i'm insensitive. [/INST] nta, but being verbally humiliated by someone who's voice probably isn't even cracking is probably majorly embarrassing. honestly, i think your husband made it worse because now the bully will have more ammo against your son. plus in this day and age, an adult can get into some real trouble approaching a kid like that, this isn't back in the day when you could tell off a neighbor kid for doing something and the parent wouldn't bat an eye. and yes i've found to get a problem solved the principal is the only one you should talk to. </s>
|
AITA for making my 16 yo daughter go to the grocery store to buy her own food?
|
for the past year or so, my (41m) daughter (16f) decided to go from eating meat most of the week for what we cook for meals, to a few times a week, to being vegetarian and sometimes vegan (she’s integrating it slowly). and my wife and i support her in this decision. she’s passionate about animals and healthy foods, but she never tries to push her beliefs on us or our younger kids.
for the past 3 or so months, she puts on the grocery list different things that she wants to try. vegetarian plant based meat (i think it’s soy based, so vegan?), certain foods i’ve never bought before such as egg noodles and fake egg (it comes in a bottle?) and vegan butter. just different things i’ve never thought twice about before.
but sometimes i buy the wrong thing. she’ll put on the list “egg noodles” and i go and buy what says on a package “egg noodles” and i bring them home and they’re the wrong kind. and she’s never rude about it, but she’s started to get annoyed with things i get when they’re not exactly what she’s looking for.
i’ve tried calling her to see what type of thing she’s looking for while i’m at the store, but she’ll just say “egg noodles, the thin ones” and i’m looking at like 10 different brands. i name them off and she’ll say “any.” so i get them, bring them home, and it’s wrong.
so i talked to my wife and we got her a credit card in our daughter’s name, but it’s linked to our account. she’s extremely trustworthy and responsible child, so we feel it’s perfect for her. she can buy what she needs, and she doesn’t have to pay for it, we will, but she goes and gets it. it eliminates any confusion on what to buy.
we gave her the card and explained the rules last week and said she’s more than welcome to put things on the grocery list, or she can go buy what she needs (within reason and she’ll eat what she buys).
a few days ago, she added the fake egg replacer to the list. so i went out and i bought it. brought it home and she was upset it wasn’t the one she wanted. (she’s into trying different ones).
i explained to her that i’m not a mind reader and that she either needs to write down exactly what she wants, brand, name, size, and i’ll get it. otherwise, she can drive down to the store 5 minutes away and go and buy what she needs on our card.
she got upset saying that it’s not fair that she has to go out and buy it when i’m the one who usually does the shopping. she doesn’t want to have to go out and go to the store to shop. i offered to go with her, but she said no, she doesn’t want to go. then i told her that if she wasn’t going be clear with what she puts on the list, then i’m just not buying anything and she can do her own shopping.
but i also feel like i’m the ah for pushing her to go shopping even though she’s only 16.
aita for telling her she can just go herself?
| 3,190 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/izep9o/aita_for_making_my_16_yo_daughter_go_to_the/
|
2020-09-25 06:43:27
|
nta. she doesn't want to buy it herself, but also doesn't want to write the brand name and size down so you can get the right one and then gets upset when it's not the brand she wants wtf?
you're not asking her to pay out of pocket. yup she should be buying them herself since she's making it impossible for you to get the right ones.
|
nta - you are honestly even nicer than i would have been.
my rule: you give me a list to buy things, i get to decide what brand we are getting. don't like it? go to the shop yourself or go with me.
|
nta. from reading your comments, it seems like your daughter's not willing to do anything in this situation. she "doesn't want to" go to the store with you. she won't go on her own with the credit card you gave her because she "doesn't want to". she also won't give you a detailed enough list so that you can purchase these things for her which you're willing to do, apparently expecting instead that you will read her mind. i'm... honestly not sure what she wants to happen in this situation but she is going to have to take a little bit of responsibility here? you've been extremely accommodating and seem like you're very supportive of her dietary choices.
|
nta. online shopping exists now. she can even do that and you can pick it up while you shop for your own groceries. you have been more than reasonable and your kid is being unreasonable and ungrateful. you hear of stories of parents not even listening to their children, or have the mentality of "you're eating what i put on the table and you better shut up about it." you are not that parent. boundaries need to be drawn & you have been accommodating. i probably wouldn't be.
|
nta it’s a perfect time to be exploring the world of taking care of your own needs in a way with such good support from her parents. you have given her nothing but help and she seems unwilling to do anything on her own accord - presumably she is cooking the stuff she wants that’s different from the rest of the family or you’re doing that for her too? i really can’t understand why she couldn’t go to the store with you even whilst you do the usual shopping trip, take a separate cart, get what she likes...
really this is an ideal time for gaining a bit more ability to love independently before going of to university etc or moving out, she ought to take the opportunity.
|
nta. she’s 16, not 6. this will be a good experience for her. she’ll have to do it herself some day, why not start now?
|
nta
you’ve been very generous in getting her a card to let her put her expenses on it.
i’d take it a ste further. let her do the grocery shopping for a couple weeks. put her in your shoes trying to figure out what you want!
|
nta. at 16 i was doing most of the grocery shopping for my family. your daughter is fully capable of going to the store and getting her own ingredients for her meals, especially if she’s going to be picky about it and complain that you’ve gotten the wrong thing.
you sound like a very tender-hearted individual op, but don’t let your daughter mistake that for you being a pushover. she’s not going to suffer from having to go to the grocery store every once in a while.
|
i think you gave your daughter more resources than necessary. you've tried to get the right product but it wasn't what she wanted and you went and made a credit card for her to use. i'd maybe suggest just going to the store with your daughter. why doesn't she go with you?
overall, nta
|
nta, she sounds spoiled and entitled and lazy
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for the past year or so, my (41m) daughter (16f) decided to go from eating meat most of the week for what we cook for meals, to a few times a week, to being vegetarian and sometimes vegan (she’s integrating it slowly). and my wife and i support her in this decision. she’s passionate about animals and healthy foods, but she never tries to push her beliefs on us or our younger kids. for the past 3 or so months, she puts on the grocery list different things that she wants to try. vegetarian plant based meat (i think it’s soy based, so vegan?), certain foods i’ve never bought before such as egg noodles and fake egg (it comes in a bottle?) and vegan butter. just different things i’ve never thought twice about before. but sometimes i buy the wrong thing. she’ll put on the list “egg noodles” and i go and buy what says on a package “egg noodles” and i bring them home and they’re the wrong kind. and she’s never rude about it, but she’s started to get annoyed with things i get when they’re not exactly what she’s looking for. i’ve tried calling her to see what type of thing she’s looking for while i’m at the store, but she’ll just say “egg noodles, the thin ones” and i’m looking at like 10 different brands. i name them off and she’ll say “any.” so i get them, bring them home, and it’s wrong. so i talked to my wife and we got her a credit card in our daughter’s name, but it’s linked to our account. she’s extremely trustworthy and responsible child, so we feel it’s perfect for her. she can buy what she needs, and she doesn’t have to pay for it, we will, but she goes and gets it. it eliminates any confusion on what to buy. we gave her the card and explained the rules last week and said she’s more than welcome to put things on the grocery list, or she can go buy what she needs (within reason and she’ll eat what she buys). a few days ago, she added the fake egg replacer to the list. so i went out and i bought it. brought it home and she was upset it wasn’t the one she wanted. (she’s into trying different ones). i explained to her that i’m not a mind reader and that she either needs to write down exactly what she wants, brand, name, size, and i’ll get it. otherwise, she can drive down to the store 5 minutes away and go and buy what she needs on our card. she got upset saying that it’s not fair that she has to go out and buy it when i’m the one who usually does the shopping. she doesn’t want to have to go out and go to the store to shop. i offered to go with her, but she said no, she doesn’t want to go. then i told her that if she wasn’t going be clear with what she puts on the list, then i’m just not buying anything and she can do her own shopping. but i also feel like i’m the ah for pushing her to go shopping even though she’s only 16. aita for telling her she can just go herself?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for the past year or so, my (41m) daughter (16f) decided to go from eating meat most of the week for what we cook for meals, to a few times a week, to being vegetarian and sometimes vegan (she’s integrating it slowly). and my wife and i support her in this decision. she’s passionate about animals and healthy foods, but she never tries to push her beliefs on us or our younger kids. for the past 3 or so months, she puts on the grocery list different things that she wants to try. vegetarian plant based meat (i think it’s soy based, so vegan?), certain foods i’ve never bought before such as egg noodles and fake egg (it comes in a bottle?) and vegan butter. just different things i’ve never thought twice about before. but sometimes i buy the wrong thing. she’ll put on the list “egg noodles” and i go and buy what says on a package “egg noodles” and i bring them home and they’re the wrong kind. and she’s never rude about it, but she’s started to get annoyed with things i get when they’re not exactly what she’s looking for. i’ve tried calling her to see what type of thing she’s looking for while i’m at the store, but she’ll just say “egg noodles, the thin ones” and i’m looking at like 10 different brands. i name them off and she’ll say “any.” so i get them, bring them home, and it’s wrong. so i talked to my wife and we got her a credit card in our daughter’s name, but it’s linked to our account. she’s extremely trustworthy and responsible child, so we feel it’s perfect for her. she can buy what she needs, and she doesn’t have to pay for it, we will, but she goes and gets it. it eliminates any confusion on what to buy. we gave her the card and explained the rules last week and said she’s more than welcome to put things on the grocery list, or she can go buy what she needs (within reason and she’ll eat what she buys). a few days ago, she added the fake egg replacer to the list. so i went out and i bought it. brought it home and she was upset it wasn’t the one she wanted. (she’s into trying different ones). i explained to her that i’m not a mind reader and that she either needs to write down exactly what she wants, brand, name, size, and i’ll get it. otherwise, she can drive down to the store 5 minutes away and go and buy what she needs on our card. she got upset saying that it’s not fair that she has to go out and buy it when i’m the one who usually does the shopping. she doesn’t want to have to go out and go to the store to shop. i offered to go with her, but she said no, she doesn’t want to go. then i told her that if she wasn’t going be clear with what she puts on the list, then i’m just not buying anything and she can do her own shopping. but i also feel like i’m the ah for pushing her to go shopping even though she’s only 16. aita for telling her she can just go herself? [/INST] nta. she doesn't want to buy it herself, but also doesn't want to write the brand name and size down so you can get the right one and then gets upset when it's not the brand she wants wtf? you're not asking her to pay out of pocket. yup she should be buying them herself since she's making it impossible for you to get the right ones. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting to go to family therapy?
|
wife and i have two kids, an 8 year old girl and an 11 year old boy. my wife became a stay at home mom for a while after each of them was born but now she works a full time job like me.
the thing that bothers me is that the kids pay 0 attention to me unless my wife tells them to or i'm lecturing them. if they need anything they'll always ask my wife. help with homework, trouble at school, wanting something new, wanting to go out... they always ask my wife.
which ends up making me the bad one because most of the interactions that i have with them is when they do something wrong or if they start acting up. that isn't to say that my wife leaves the task to me, she does the same as well but she also gives them good moments which negates that, while i mostly get the bad ones.
i work a lot and i travel quite a few times and my wife has said that the kids probably didn't bond with me enough because of it. which is not something that i could have avoided because my career is very important to me as well as my family.
we tried a lot of things, currently my wife and i have a system where we take turns with their tasks so that we both get to spend the same time with them equally. but we noticed that unless the task was something they had to do, they would just avoid it when it was my turn to do it.
that was when my wife suggested family therapy, she found a good therapist with good recommendations and such. the thing is, i don't want my time with my kids to be inside of a therapist's office and the thought that for my kids to like me i need to get professional help while they like my wife just fine is hurtful.
my wife said that i was being immature for not accepting this and said i needed to accept that our methods had failed. when i suggested that maybe we were being too soft with the kids she ended up getting extremely angry at me and now she only speaks to me in front of the kids.
so i have to wonder, am i being an asshole?
| 3,678 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cw7n8e/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_family_therapy/
|
2019-08-27 17:29:28
|
yta
>i suggested that maybe we were being too soft with the kids
if children don't like you, the answer is not to be harsher with them. your wife is correct, children and teens respond more when they have a good bond. if you don't want to go to therapy with the kids (i can see why, tbh), go alone and come up with a plan for how you will bond with them. this might mean making a daily point of giving genuine praise, taking a full weekend to do something they really want, trying out being the relaxed parent for a weekend or camping trip. this might be more effective than having an 11 and 8 year old sit. through therapy.
|
yta
you're making this all about you. you have two young children who you have prioritized below your career and now you're being resentful because they have learned to rely on the parent who has been consistently there for them.
if this was about building a relationship with your kids you would be willing to do whatever it takes including(but definitely not limited to) acknowledging your own role in this dynamic. instead you seem to blame your wife and kids for bonding with each other.
you need to learn how to interact and build a positive relationship with your kids. you can't do that without help because if you could you would have done so already.
digging your heels in and refusing to meet your wife half way will only further damage your relationships.
|
yta: i was already leaning towards this judgement but then i read “maybe we’re being too soft with the kids” and my blood ran cold. you do realize that you can’t punish someone enough to make them love you, right?
you seriously need therapy, at the very least solo, on top of family so you can learn how to foster a real relationship with people instead of expecting them to automatically love you.
|
yta
you missed out on some important bonding time due to your job. you don’t mention taking any initiative of getting involved with your kids activities that they enjoy... taking time to play or whatever it is that they like to do.
now your wife has taken the time to try and set things up with a professional to try and facilitate some bonding **for you**. the family therapy doesn’t really gain anything for her... it’s literally for you and your relationship to your kids.
swallow your pride and accept some help. at least give it an honest shot.
|
yta.
there is clearly a problem here, which you acknowledge. and you have a professional that can help you fix it, and you are refusing to go?
i hate to break it to ya man, but from an outsider looking in that sounds like you know you're the one at fault and just don't want to admit it.
your wife is willing to put in the work to make the family better, are you?
|
>i work a lot and i travel quite a few times
>
>my career is very important to me as well as my family
>
>i need to get professional help while they like my wife just fine is hurtful
sounds like you know why your kids aren't close to you and what you need to do. yta for being absent in much of their lives and then suggesting that they don't like you because "maybe we were being too soft". like wut. of course your wife is upset at you, you are being an immature asshole.
|
yta. it was nah until the end when you suggested that this has something to do with "being too soft with the kids". in the first place, you were misguided about what family therapy could do for you-- it's not that they need therapy to like you, it's that something is off in the relationship and a therapist can help figure out what it is and fix it.
but that bit at the end, combined with your mention of "lecturing" them, makes me think that this might have a lot to do with the way you actually treat your children. if you're lecturing them a lot and acting like it's bad to be "soft", that would completely explain why they prefer their mother to you.
|
yta-my dad was rarely around due to work (he farmed, which meant he was always up by 5 am doing chores-and then out doing more chores until 8 pm at the earliest.) i was terrified of him as a child because this strange man would visit my mom and try to pick me up and love me.
so, my dad seeing that he was around so little as to terrify his child with stranger danger, changed. he got up earlier to do chores and came in to make breakfast for us at least 3 times a week. he came in for dinners, extending his chore time past 9 or 10 pm (sometimes later if it was harvest season). then on sundays he had chores but encouraged us to help him out-teaching us about car maintenance, how to jump start a tractor, or he'd get involved with teaching us sports or how to shoot a bow. he made time for us. as such, my sister and i love our dad.
you made children. you have to put in effort. you don't get a pass for being busy (everyone's busy, that's life.) you have to make the time. you may have to sacrifice precious time for it to work, but think about how many hours of their life you missed, that you weren't there for, that instead of a family memory they have a memory of their mom.
kids aren't vending machines, you don't get to put in the bare minimum and expect a reward.
|
yta. your wife is right. the current way isn't working so why not get some outside advice? your hurt should matter less than the chance to build a better relationship with your kids.
and do you really think that being 'too soft' is turning your kids away?
|
“maybe we’re being too soft on the kids.”
yta. you can’t force your kids to like you, man. if you think dictating who they go to is going to help? you’re wrong. it’ll just make them resent you. instead of sucking it up and going to therapy because it’s “hurtful,” you’d rather force your kids to pretend to like you because it’s better for your ego. you should be focused *on what’s best for your kids.*
and own your choices and the consequences of them. your career is important to you. that’s fine. but you made the choice to work so much and you can’t expect that to not affect your kids. the cat’s in the cradle and all of that.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: wife and i have two kids, an 8 year old girl and an 11 year old boy. my wife became a stay at home mom for a while after each of them was born but now she works a full time job like me. the thing that bothers me is that the kids pay 0 attention to me unless my wife tells them to or i'm lecturing them. if they need anything they'll always ask my wife. help with homework, trouble at school, wanting something new, wanting to go out... they always ask my wife. which ends up making me the bad one because most of the interactions that i have with them is when they do something wrong or if they start acting up. that isn't to say that my wife leaves the task to me, she does the same as well but she also gives them good moments which negates that, while i mostly get the bad ones. i work a lot and i travel quite a few times and my wife has said that the kids probably didn't bond with me enough because of it. which is not something that i could have avoided because my career is very important to me as well as my family. we tried a lot of things, currently my wife and i have a system where we take turns with their tasks so that we both get to spend the same time with them equally. but we noticed that unless the task was something they had to do, they would just avoid it when it was my turn to do it. that was when my wife suggested family therapy, she found a good therapist with good recommendations and such. the thing is, i don't want my time with my kids to be inside of a therapist's office and the thought that for my kids to like me i need to get professional help while they like my wife just fine is hurtful. my wife said that i was being immature for not accepting this and said i needed to accept that our methods had failed. when i suggested that maybe we were being too soft with the kids she ended up getting extremely angry at me and now she only speaks to me in front of the kids. so i have to wonder, am i being an asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
wife and i have two kids, an 8 year old girl and an 11 year old boy. my wife became a stay at home mom for a while after each of them was born but now she works a full time job like me. the thing that bothers me is that the kids pay 0 attention to me unless my wife tells them to or i'm lecturing them. if they need anything they'll always ask my wife. help with homework, trouble at school, wanting something new, wanting to go out... they always ask my wife. which ends up making me the bad one because most of the interactions that i have with them is when they do something wrong or if they start acting up. that isn't to say that my wife leaves the task to me, she does the same as well but she also gives them good moments which negates that, while i mostly get the bad ones. i work a lot and i travel quite a few times and my wife has said that the kids probably didn't bond with me enough because of it. which is not something that i could have avoided because my career is very important to me as well as my family. we tried a lot of things, currently my wife and i have a system where we take turns with their tasks so that we both get to spend the same time with them equally. but we noticed that unless the task was something they had to do, they would just avoid it when it was my turn to do it. that was when my wife suggested family therapy, she found a good therapist with good recommendations and such. the thing is, i don't want my time with my kids to be inside of a therapist's office and the thought that for my kids to like me i need to get professional help while they like my wife just fine is hurtful. my wife said that i was being immature for not accepting this and said i needed to accept that our methods had failed. when i suggested that maybe we were being too soft with the kids she ended up getting extremely angry at me and now she only speaks to me in front of the kids. so i have to wonder, am i being an asshole? [/INST] yta >i suggested that maybe we were being too soft with the kids if children don't like you, the answer is not to be harsher with them. your wife is correct, children and teens respond more when they have a good bond. if you don't want to go to therapy with the kids (i can see why, tbh), go alone and come up with a plan for how you will bond with them. this might mean making a daily point of giving genuine praise, taking a full weekend to do something they really want, trying out being the relaxed parent for a weekend or camping trip. this might be more effective than having an 11 and 8 year old sit. through therapy. </s>
|
AITA for asking my friend to stop complaining about her job?
|
my friend (f27) started working at a local pharmaceutical manufacturing company about a year ago. ever since she started, she complains about how awful it is, how terribly people there treat her, and how she would rather get hit by a bus on her way there.
she's told me that she's been looking for other work but hasn't even received a call back from anywhere.
last week, she called me (m27) sobbing saying that she's getting moved to a different department and she can't mentally handle it, saying she'd rather just be homeless.
it's all she talks about, but we've probably all had soul crushing jobs and i sympathized with her. she begged me to help her find anything else.
i spent an entire day in between classes and my own job sending out emails and making phone calls to places i've worked at or volunteered for. basically using any connections i had because my friend seemed so beaten down.
i managed to get her an interview at my old job, which is cleaning office buildings. my previous supervisor there is a great guy and i loved working there (i only quit because i went back to school and moved away).
this supervisor moved his day around in order to make time for this interview and did it as a favour for me.
interview day comes and my previous supervisor called to let me know that my friend didn't show up for the interview. no call or anything.
i contacted my friend to ask what happened and she told me that she decided to just "stick it out" at her current job... despite the fact that my previous job offered more money and was closer to her home.
cut to yesterday, i'm stressed out from my placement, mountain of school work, and working a lot in order to afford school. my friend sents me numerous texts about how much she hates her job and goes far enough to say that she would rather "fall off a cliff" than go to this job and she doesn't know what to do anymore.
i ignored the texts as i was busy dealing with my own stuff, but then she sends me more texts this morning while i was in lecture. all stating the usual "i hate my job, poor me" drama.
i eventually responded and asked her to stop complaining about her job and maybe seek out some help. i explained that i've already pulled numerous strings, spent my own time attempting to help her, and i vouched for her and she didn't even bother showing up to the interview. she wasted my time and my old supervisor's time and it really seems that she would rather complain than actually do something about it.
i told her "it just feels like you're surrounded by fire and screaming for help but when i hand you a fire extinguisher, you tell me you'd rather just live with the burns and there isn't anything more i can do and listening to the constant negative comments is stressful."
she never responded to me, but i got a message from a mutual friend telling me that i should "be more sympathetic" to what she's going through.
tl;dr - friend hates her job so i got her an interview but she'd rather constantly complain than do anything about it.
| 275 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/plq2dc/aita_for_asking_my_friend_to_stop_complaining/
|
2021-09-10 17:52:32
|
nta
she is an energy vampire sucking you dry. you're going so far out of your way for her at all times and she can't even show up to an interview you arranged for her, making you look bad? i'd put some distance in that friendship. what do you get out of it other than stress?
|
"more sympathetic"? how could you possibly be more sympathetic? you've already gone above and beyond for this person. nta
|
[deleted]
|
you went all out for her and she burned your bridges. time for you to be done with her. nta
|
sounds like your former boss is actually a better friend to you. i would re-evaluate that friendship. or you need to have a serious talk along the lines of "if you aren't telling me about your job search, i don't want to hear it". nta
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friend (f27) started working at a local pharmaceutical manufacturing company about a year ago. ever since she started, she complains about how awful it is, how terribly people there treat her, and how she would rather get hit by a bus on her way there. she's told me that she's been looking for other work but hasn't even received a call back from anywhere. last week, she called me (m27) sobbing saying that she's getting moved to a different department and she can't mentally handle it, saying she'd rather just be homeless. it's all she talks about, but we've probably all had soul crushing jobs and i sympathized with her. she begged me to help her find anything else. i spent an entire day in between classes and my own job sending out emails and making phone calls to places i've worked at or volunteered for. basically using any connections i had because my friend seemed so beaten down. i managed to get her an interview at my old job, which is cleaning office buildings. my previous supervisor there is a great guy and i loved working there (i only quit because i went back to school and moved away). this supervisor moved his day around in order to make time for this interview and did it as a favour for me. interview day comes and my previous supervisor called to let me know that my friend didn't show up for the interview. no call or anything. i contacted my friend to ask what happened and she told me that she decided to just "stick it out" at her current job... despite the fact that my previous job offered more money and was closer to her home. cut to yesterday, i'm stressed out from my placement, mountain of school work, and working a lot in order to afford school. my friend sents me numerous texts about how much she hates her job and goes far enough to say that she would rather "fall off a cliff" than go to this job and she doesn't know what to do anymore. i ignored the texts as i was busy dealing with my own stuff, but then she sends me more texts this morning while i was in lecture. all stating the usual "i hate my job, poor me" drama. i eventually responded and asked her to stop complaining about her job and maybe seek out some help. i explained that i've already pulled numerous strings, spent my own time attempting to help her, and i vouched for her and she didn't even bother showing up to the interview. she wasted my time and my old supervisor's time and it really seems that she would rather complain than actually do something about it. i told her "it just feels like you're surrounded by fire and screaming for help but when i hand you a fire extinguisher, you tell me you'd rather just live with the burns and there isn't anything more i can do and listening to the constant negative comments is stressful." she never responded to me, but i got a message from a mutual friend telling me that i should "be more sympathetic" to what she's going through. tl;dr - friend hates her job so i got her an interview but she'd rather constantly complain than do anything about it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my friend (f27) started working at a local pharmaceutical manufacturing company about a year ago. ever since she started, she complains about how awful it is, how terribly people there treat her, and how she would rather get hit by a bus on her way there. she's told me that she's been looking for other work but hasn't even received a call back from anywhere. last week, she called me (m27) sobbing saying that she's getting moved to a different department and she can't mentally handle it, saying she'd rather just be homeless. it's all she talks about, but we've probably all had soul crushing jobs and i sympathized with her. she begged me to help her find anything else. i spent an entire day in between classes and my own job sending out emails and making phone calls to places i've worked at or volunteered for. basically using any connections i had because my friend seemed so beaten down. i managed to get her an interview at my old job, which is cleaning office buildings. my previous supervisor there is a great guy and i loved working there (i only quit because i went back to school and moved away). this supervisor moved his day around in order to make time for this interview and did it as a favour for me. interview day comes and my previous supervisor called to let me know that my friend didn't show up for the interview. no call or anything. i contacted my friend to ask what happened and she told me that she decided to just "stick it out" at her current job... despite the fact that my previous job offered more money and was closer to her home. cut to yesterday, i'm stressed out from my placement, mountain of school work, and working a lot in order to afford school. my friend sents me numerous texts about how much she hates her job and goes far enough to say that she would rather "fall off a cliff" than go to this job and she doesn't know what to do anymore. i ignored the texts as i was busy dealing with my own stuff, but then she sends me more texts this morning while i was in lecture. all stating the usual "i hate my job, poor me" drama. i eventually responded and asked her to stop complaining about her job and maybe seek out some help. i explained that i've already pulled numerous strings, spent my own time attempting to help her, and i vouched for her and she didn't even bother showing up to the interview. she wasted my time and my old supervisor's time and it really seems that she would rather complain than actually do something about it. i told her "it just feels like you're surrounded by fire and screaming for help but when i hand you a fire extinguisher, you tell me you'd rather just live with the burns and there isn't anything more i can do and listening to the constant negative comments is stressful." she never responded to me, but i got a message from a mutual friend telling me that i should "be more sympathetic" to what she's going through. tl;dr - friend hates her job so i got her an interview but she'd rather constantly complain than do anything about it. [/INST] nta she is an energy vampire sucking you dry. you're going so far out of your way for her at all times and she can't even show up to an interview you arranged for her, making you look bad? i'd put some distance in that friendship. what do you get out of it other than stress? </s>
|
AITA for not having sympathy for my inlaw
|
i've posted in this group already about my inlaw who has been nothing short of horrible to me, actually slandering my name to the community and is now staying in the garage after being asked to leave the home due to their behaviour towards me.
today, my partner went to go have a chat with my inlaw to find them crying their eyes out. turns out, my just-as-bad sister in law contacted them for the first time in about six months, only to rag on them and basically call them a whole bunch of names and say they were a bad parent, etc.
my partner came in after this and told me about it and my response was "so?". my partner asked me how can a person say such terrible things to someone and i legit asked "are you expecting me to feel sorry for them, after they said equally terrible things about me?". and now my partner is upset with me and my lack of empathy.
aita because i don't care if my inlaw is hurt by what their daughter said to them?
| 570 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v4p5o6/aita_for_not_having_sympathy_for_my_inlaw/
|
2022-06-04 13:42:55
|
nta the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. after everything they put you through, it is normal you do not care about them. this is not a lack of empathy, this is the direct consequence of their action: they are no longer family in your eyes.
|
nta
just watch malcolm in the middle: family reunion (season 4 episode 3)
also, my dad’s parents didn’t treat my mom well for all the years she was with him and i haven’t spoken to them in five years (despite them calling me every month to ask to see me) so what goes around comes around. like dustin poirier said: “karma’s not a bitch she’s a mirror.”
|
nta. why are you with someone that excuses that behavior when directed at you?
|
nta, based on your post history you have a husband problem though, not an in law problem
edited cause typo
|
nta:
i'd have probably topped it with something along the lines of..
"i do feel bad that you feel bad though."
|
info: how did your husband act and say when in laws had been horrible to you?
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null | null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've posted in this group already about my inlaw who has been nothing short of horrible to me, actually slandering my name to the community and is now staying in the garage after being asked to leave the home due to their behaviour towards me. today, my partner went to go have a chat with my inlaw to find them crying their eyes out. turns out, my just-as-bad sister in law contacted them for the first time in about six months, only to rag on them and basically call them a whole bunch of names and say they were a bad parent, etc. my partner came in after this and told me about it and my response was "so?". my partner asked me how can a person say such terrible things to someone and i legit asked "are you expecting me to feel sorry for them, after they said equally terrible things about me?". and now my partner is upset with me and my lack of empathy. aita because i don't care if my inlaw is hurt by what their daughter said to them?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've posted in this group already about my inlaw who has been nothing short of horrible to me, actually slandering my name to the community and is now staying in the garage after being asked to leave the home due to their behaviour towards me. today, my partner went to go have a chat with my inlaw to find them crying their eyes out. turns out, my just-as-bad sister in law contacted them for the first time in about six months, only to rag on them and basically call them a whole bunch of names and say they were a bad parent, etc. my partner came in after this and told me about it and my response was "so?". my partner asked me how can a person say such terrible things to someone and i legit asked "are you expecting me to feel sorry for them, after they said equally terrible things about me?". and now my partner is upset with me and my lack of empathy. aita because i don't care if my inlaw is hurt by what their daughter said to them? [/INST] nta the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. after everything they put you through, it is normal you do not care about them. this is not a lack of empathy, this is the direct consequence of their action: they are no longer family in your eyes. </s>
|
AITA for making this condition on attending my brother's wedding?
|
my younger brother sean is getting married soon, he sent out invitations thst included everyone in the family. i found out that he was going by the "no +1 unless engaged or married" rule, i felt confused since i've been in a long term (7 years now) relationship with my girlfriend and i was counting on having her to come with me to the wedding.
i asked sean and fiancee about it and asked if they were aware they were excluding my partner with this rule and they gave a "too bad, so sad" type of reaction, but i told him alright then he shouldn't expect me to come either. he freaked out and called mom who said since i'm the oldest in the family then my presence at the wedding is a must. i told them i will attend the wedding under one condition and that is to have my girlfriend attend with me. sean tried to pull the "she's not official" and "she's not family" crap on me but i told him enough, i remained calm yet strict with my condition. mom said my girlfriend can miss one event no big deal and said i shouldn't be putting conditions on my brother's wedding to force his hand like that. i said that is all i have and left after a huge meltdown from mom and sean accusing me of trying to "alter" the wedding, disrespecting their beliefs and pushing my own on them, oh and went as far as accusing me of planning to steal the event so i could "propose" to my girlfriend. smh.
the rest of the family got into it yelling at me for disrupting the wedding and trying to control and bully my brother into letting me do what i want on his goddamn wedding, and said it wasn't about and up to me to put conditions and went on about how i should support him as his only sibling and a father figure since dad is deceased. but i think i'm trying to stand by my girlfriend and our relationship that means so much to me but they see it as me choosing her over my brother. aita?
| 14,915 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rx18wu/aita_for_making_this_condition_on_attending_my/
|
2022-01-06 00:23:31
|
nta. he is invalidating your relationship and it's an insult to you and your girlfriend. this whole culture of "it's my wedding i can be a dick if i want" needs to get in the bin.
|
nta
i’m a big fan of a “no ring no bring” rule to avoid randos, but once a couple reaches the 5 year mark, i think the “spirit of the ring” is implied, and it’s rude to not invite them as a named plus one.
your family is being awful to the woman you love on an emily post power trip.
they’re awful people. thank you for sticking up for the lovely woman you chose and who chose you.
|
nta. i understand not wanting your college roommate to bring his/her latest flame but i would assume you see a life partner in your girlfriend.
i’m curious it doesn’t really matter, but i wonder.. have you been together longer than your brother and his fiancé?! heck your brother has probably even known her longer than other potential guests. wouldn’t he want her to come?! i would assume she must be like family at this point.
|
nta. 7 freaking years? how long has he been with his fiancé? actually, doesn't matter. couples who live together are common law after less than two years in most places, and many couples opt to not marry. by year 7, i'd be referring to your gf as sil. he's totally the ah here, and is alienating your gf. your parents should be on your side.
|
nta. his wedding….his rules. but you have the absolute right not to go. after 7 years, your girlfriend should be considered “family”. bet your brother hasn’t been engaged as long.
|
i feel like they may have made this rule to screw you over . . . do they not like your girlfriend? is she prettier than the bride to be? (jealousy). i would think a brothers girlfriend would be an exception to their rule. i think you're doing the right thing by standing up for your girlfriend. i'm sure she feels really hurt.
|
nta if i were your partner i wouldn’t attend the wedding or another “family” function again. because even if they do back down and extend an invite. she will always know that they didn’t think enough of her to include her. who wants family members like that?? ones that pick and chose when you are part of their lives and when you’re unwanted/unwelcome. no thanks.
|
nta.
i think a "engaged or married +1s only" rule is perfectly sensible and they shouldn't have to invite someone if they don't want to. their wedding, their rules, and all that.
however, they also should have expected that some would not care for that rule and would decline to attend. and given that you are the groom's brother, they **also** should have expected that you would not take it kindly if they informed you and your girlfriend of seven years that she is not considered part of the family.
some people think that it's rude to ask for a +1 to be invited if they weren't. i disagree with that. i think that it's ok to ask, but that the person who asks needs to be gracious if told no.
in an ideal world, they would have made an exception for your girlfriend. in a slightly less than ideal world, they would have held firm to their rule, expressed regret that you would not attend the ceremony, and gotten back to the business of wedding planning.
but here's where it goes off the rails:
>i asked sean and fiancee about it and asked if they aware they were excluding my partner with this rule and they gave a "too bad, so sad" type of reaction.
this is tactless, rude, and dismissive.
and then they called in mommy ... and the whole thing exploded. bringing in the whole family was an especially awful move. as long as this was between the four of you (you, your so, your brother and the bride), there was a chance you could have worked out something or come to a compromise. but bringing in the family makes things a thousand times worse. because now, there's not just a private disagreement. there's an audience. and once all of you in front of the audience (your extended family), it's nearly impossible for you to compromise or change your minds. if you do so in front of an audience, then you're publicly betraying a principle and losing face. so the battle lines harden.
sounds to me like you need to mark down something for yourself to do on the wedding day that is at least several hundred miles away and possibly involves a pool, a few pina coladas, and the bananaboat song.
|
nta. and it’s a silly rule, honestly. some people don’t ever want to get married. that doesn’t mean that their partner isn’t a part of the family.
|
nta - seven years is long enough to be an exception to their rule. i wouldn't go, either.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my younger brother sean is getting married soon, he sent out invitations thst included everyone in the family. i found out that he was going by the "no +1 unless engaged or married" rule, i felt confused since i've been in a long term (7 years now) relationship with my girlfriend and i was counting on having her to come with me to the wedding. i asked sean and fiancee about it and asked if they were aware they were excluding my partner with this rule and they gave a "too bad, so sad" type of reaction, but i told him alright then he shouldn't expect me to come either. he freaked out and called mom who said since i'm the oldest in the family then my presence at the wedding is a must. i told them i will attend the wedding under one condition and that is to have my girlfriend attend with me. sean tried to pull the "she's not official" and "she's not family" crap on me but i told him enough, i remained calm yet strict with my condition. mom said my girlfriend can miss one event no big deal and said i shouldn't be putting conditions on my brother's wedding to force his hand like that. i said that is all i have and left after a huge meltdown from mom and sean accusing me of trying to "alter" the wedding, disrespecting their beliefs and pushing my own on them, oh and went as far as accusing me of planning to steal the event so i could "propose" to my girlfriend. smh. the rest of the family got into it yelling at me for disrupting the wedding and trying to control and bully my brother into letting me do what i want on his goddamn wedding, and said it wasn't about and up to me to put conditions and went on about how i should support him as his only sibling and a father figure since dad is deceased. but i think i'm trying to stand by my girlfriend and our relationship that means so much to me but they see it as me choosing her over my brother. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my younger brother sean is getting married soon, he sent out invitations thst included everyone in the family. i found out that he was going by the "no +1 unless engaged or married" rule, i felt confused since i've been in a long term (7 years now) relationship with my girlfriend and i was counting on having her to come with me to the wedding. i asked sean and fiancee about it and asked if they were aware they were excluding my partner with this rule and they gave a "too bad, so sad" type of reaction, but i told him alright then he shouldn't expect me to come either. he freaked out and called mom who said since i'm the oldest in the family then my presence at the wedding is a must. i told them i will attend the wedding under one condition and that is to have my girlfriend attend with me. sean tried to pull the "she's not official" and "she's not family" crap on me but i told him enough, i remained calm yet strict with my condition. mom said my girlfriend can miss one event no big deal and said i shouldn't be putting conditions on my brother's wedding to force his hand like that. i said that is all i have and left after a huge meltdown from mom and sean accusing me of trying to "alter" the wedding, disrespecting their beliefs and pushing my own on them, oh and went as far as accusing me of planning to steal the event so i could "propose" to my girlfriend. smh. the rest of the family got into it yelling at me for disrupting the wedding and trying to control and bully my brother into letting me do what i want on his goddamn wedding, and said it wasn't about and up to me to put conditions and went on about how i should support him as his only sibling and a father figure since dad is deceased. but i think i'm trying to stand by my girlfriend and our relationship that means so much to me but they see it as me choosing her over my brother. aita? [/INST] nta. he is invalidating your relationship and it's an insult to you and your girlfriend. this whole culture of "it's my wedding i can be a dick if i want" needs to get in the bin. </s>
|
AITA for bringing my wheelchair bound boyfriend to my brother's no +1 wedding?
|
my f31 brother m33 got married days ago. he and his now wife sent me an invitation and mentioned a "no +1" rule. meaning that i wasn't allowed to bring my wheelchair bound boyfriend of 4 years with me. i tried to dicuss an exception for this rule because for one, my boyfriend is family and no one would deny that fact. and two, i could not find proper arrangements to have someone watch him (i'm his primary caregiver) while i was gone.
i brought him with me to the wedding. my brother and his bride were livid and picked up an argument with me about it. my brother said some hurtful stuff but i was glad he didn't say it infront of my boyfriend. i told him it's not like my boyfriend was making a fuss or being distracting (he just remained quiet and respectful of everyone around him) my brother argued that non of that matter and that the trust and respect he had for me was gone the minute i decided to stomp on his wedding boundaries and override the rules. my parents understood my side but also said that it was my brother's wedding and i should've respected the rule he had for non-official couples.
we've not been talking since the wedding. i tried calling him but keep getting hung up on. his wife texted me yesterdag to stop calling.
aita? its not like i brought a hyper active child to the wedding, i think he might have overreacted but i'm not sure.
| 10,017 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yiadxe/aita_for_bringing_my_wheelchair_bound_boyfriend/
|
2022-10-31 12:21:30
|
yta not only did you go against a rule, you attempted to use your bf's disability to get your way. you should be ashamed.
|
ugh. guy in a wheelchair here, although i'm fully self sufficient. this makes me feel for your bf. not only did you disrespect your brother's wishes, you made your boyfriend the center of more attention than was warranted. you say he remained quiet and respectful. he probably was quiet because he wanted to crawl under a rock. "hey, look at me!! i'm the cause of strife at a wedding through no fault of my own!!" yta
|
info: is your boyfriend an adult? if he needs personal assistance, why isn't he the one arranging that while you're gone? and why do you refer to personal assistance as "watching him" like you're getting a babysitter? did your boyfriend want to go? why isn't what he thought/wanted a factor in this story at all? why do you generally talk about him like he's a child (e.g. "it's not like he was making a fuss")?
|
yta (although i have a funny feeling this is going to get edited to reveal more of what your brother said after it becomes clear the voting’s not going to go the way you want it to). he said no plus ones. if you found that disrespectful to your relationship or simply impractical, then your option was to decline *your* invitation and stay home, not have your boyfriend crash the party because *you* decided that wouldn’t be overly disruptive.
|
your boyfriend's condition is irrelevant. yta. he wasn't invited, you were okay to ask and declined the invitation, then you should have rsvped no. food costs money and there needs to be a space for each guest, so you aren't entitled to show up with whoever you feel like bringing he's legally not family either, so it's possible your boyfriend doesn't view him that way even if you are in a serious relationship.
|
so, everyone else who was denied a +1 doesn't matter because they're not considered family?
sorry, but your boyfriend being in a wheelchair doesn't change anything about this scenario or give you more rights than anyone else.
they said no +1s. you still brought a +1.
your boyfriend isn't a baby. but you're like that person who brings a newborn anyways when kids aren't allowed.
yta. it's a sucky situation but you didn't think it would matter but that's not your call to make.
|
yta
your invitation didn't include a plus one.
the fact that your so is a wheelchair user isn't relevant.
your perception of your so being family is not relevant.
you should have remained home with your so if you couldn't arrange for a caregiver.
|
everyone sucks here. them for not inviting your bf of 4 years and you for bringing him against their wishes.
personally, i’d have not gone at all if my long term partner wasn’t invited.
|
esh
etiquette says that long term partners are always included on the invite. a boyfriend of four years should've been invited, making your brother an ah.
that being said, you don't bring an uninvited guest to a wedding. you should've just said no and explained your reason. so you both made the wrong decision, though i'm feeling less sympathetic towards your brother.
|
yta
i'm assuming there is a lot more to this story you're not sharing. i also assume you contacted them before the wedding to let them know that you would in fact be bringing your boyfriend.
it doesn't matter if you are your boyfriends primary care giver or not. if you're boyfriend is not invited, you have 2 options. 1. go without the boyfriend. 2. don't go.
instead, i suspect you knew this would cause an issue/scene with your brother and you brought your boyfriend anyway.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
INFO
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
ESH
|
YTA
| 0.013266 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my f31 brother m33 got married days ago. he and his now wife sent me an invitation and mentioned a "no +1" rule. meaning that i wasn't allowed to bring my wheelchair bound boyfriend of 4 years with me. i tried to dicuss an exception for this rule because for one, my boyfriend is family and no one would deny that fact. and two, i could not find proper arrangements to have someone watch him (i'm his primary caregiver) while i was gone. i brought him with me to the wedding. my brother and his bride were livid and picked up an argument with me about it. my brother said some hurtful stuff but i was glad he didn't say it infront of my boyfriend. i told him it's not like my boyfriend was making a fuss or being distracting (he just remained quiet and respectful of everyone around him) my brother argued that non of that matter and that the trust and respect he had for me was gone the minute i decided to stomp on his wedding boundaries and override the rules. my parents understood my side but also said that it was my brother's wedding and i should've respected the rule he had for non-official couples. we've not been talking since the wedding. i tried calling him but keep getting hung up on. his wife texted me yesterdag to stop calling. aita? its not like i brought a hyper active child to the wedding, i think he might have overreacted but i'm not sure.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my f31 brother m33 got married days ago. he and his now wife sent me an invitation and mentioned a "no +1" rule. meaning that i wasn't allowed to bring my wheelchair bound boyfriend of 4 years with me. i tried to dicuss an exception for this rule because for one, my boyfriend is family and no one would deny that fact. and two, i could not find proper arrangements to have someone watch him (i'm his primary caregiver) while i was gone. i brought him with me to the wedding. my brother and his bride were livid and picked up an argument with me about it. my brother said some hurtful stuff but i was glad he didn't say it infront of my boyfriend. i told him it's not like my boyfriend was making a fuss or being distracting (he just remained quiet and respectful of everyone around him) my brother argued that non of that matter and that the trust and respect he had for me was gone the minute i decided to stomp on his wedding boundaries and override the rules. my parents understood my side but also said that it was my brother's wedding and i should've respected the rule he had for non-official couples. we've not been talking since the wedding. i tried calling him but keep getting hung up on. his wife texted me yesterdag to stop calling. aita? its not like i brought a hyper active child to the wedding, i think he might have overreacted but i'm not sure. [/INST] yta not only did you go against a rule, you attempted to use your bf's disability to get your way. you should be ashamed. </s>
|
AITA for telling my mom that my sister was a better mother than her
|
i (17) was born when my sister ari was already 18. she stayed at home till i was 10 doing her university and masters. so my parents obviously spoiled me cause i was the miracle boy. but i always remember it was ari who taught me to be polite, chew with my mouth closed, how to clean even, be nice and all the stuff like that. it was so much better when she'd make food than my mom. i remember when i was 9 she and her boyfriend (husband now) took me to the park, someone asked if i was her son and she said close enough and i when i asked later what she meant she said i was their practice baby.
but when she left, she left and she's like stayed gone. i've seen her so few times since. like there was her wedding, my other sister's wedding and funtions like that.
point is in those 10 years, she kept me from being the spoiled brat my mom and dad were definitely turning me into. so even if she didn't wanted to see me in the last seven years i'm still grateful.
so university applications are being filled out and i want to do software engineering at waterloo. my mom wants me to stay local. yesterday it turned into a big family zoom meeting where ari was involved. she said if staying with family was an issue, her family was moving to kitchener and her husband heard and he piped up saying he'd love it if i could stay with them.
i thought that was cool cause i'd finally get to see them again and meet my niece. but my mom said no, you're not going. so i got really mad and i asked why not. she said you're going to need your mother when you start university. that made me angrier and i said before ari left she was a better mom to me than you anyway.
that didn't go well since my mom ran to her room to cry (so i couldn't see), my dad said i was being ungrateful and my sister (not ari) told me to stop being an asshole. so... i don't know.
edit for anyone confused: kitchener is a city right next to waterloo
| 7,103 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s9hg7h/aita_for_telling_my_mom_that_my_sister_was_a/
|
2022-01-21 18:31:04
|
nta
i'm going to guess that your sister is keeping her distance for reasons that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with your parents.
i would recommend some damage control. apologize to your mom, but make it clear to her that the decision about where to go for university should not be based on a "boy needing his mother," but about what is best for you and your education. you are going to be legally an adult after all.
|
nah.
call ari in private and talk this out. sounds like she 1) knows how your parents can be, and 2) can help you figure out what to do. sounds like you should plan on going to her place for uni.
|
many of the themes of your post ring of many of the shenanigans people on justnomil and raised by narcissists have to deal with. if you haven’t seen those subs i recommend you check them out and see if the stories there resonate with you.
nta - btw and she’s trying to control you. my guess is ari is the only one who doesn’t play into your mom’s games and has had to keep strong boundaries to protect her family.
|
nta
you did nothing wrong. your sister is offering you an opportunity to put some distance between you and your mother, to allow you to develop independently to her. you clearly have a good level of insight if you can already see your position as the golden child and the values your sister tried to instill in you. the distance doesn't mean you won't have a relationship with your mother, but it will give you more room to define it on your terms rather than hers.
i'm the oldest in my family and there's 7-15 years between me and my younger siblings. i was the third parent/general values teacher because no one else was going to step up and i wasn't about to be related to four more monsters. i have great empathy for your sister because it's extremely difficult to cut and leave,even when it's what you need to do for yourself. you have to hope that you did enough for your siblings to equip them to not turn out like your parents, but also learn to accept that your need to develop your own life and identity to do that for yourself.
also ngl this post got me in the feelings for hearing you express such admiration for your sis. i hope you tell her what you told us here. sometimes estranged older siblings need to hear that our younger siblings don't just hate us for not being there. you're a good younger bro op
|
identitcal situation with my own big sister. gave up her childhood to look after me and my brothers while our parents worked full-time. she'd play with me, dress me up, taught me how to braid my hair, tie my shoes, eat, etc. she loved us both as her siblings and as her own kids. when she turned 18, she left and never looked back. wasn't until years later that i realized what she was going through with our parents; she'd been treated more like a live-in babysitter than their own daughter. but she never resented me or my brothers, never took out how she was really feeling on us. loved us all the same.
we're all grown with our own families now, and we love our parents despite our histories, but i'd do the same as op. i have a mother, but my sister is my mom to me. nta
|
your parents sound like they infantilize you to keep you dependant because you're a boy and the youngest. my parents have done similar things to me because i have a background of serious health problems. unfortunately, your parents sound like they also favor you/disfavor your sisters. you should be able to call it out as you see it, but if there is too much retaliation i understand.
i also understand how hard it is to set up boundaries with parents like this. it's easier to be backed into lashing out like this. you will be tah if you don't work on setting up healthy boundaries. your parents *are* tah.
|
nta
the person who raised you and taught you important life lessons was your sister.
also, parents should support their kids and know when it is time to be independent - sounds like your mom is trying to be dependent on you
|
go to waterloo for engineering regardless of what your mother thinks. it’s the best school for engineering in ontario. you need to get the best education you can get regardless of your mom’s feelings. this is about you, not her and what‘s best for you.
|
nta at all. ari sounds wonderful and so does her husband. based on their invitation for you to come live with them, i really doubt that her staying away has anything to do with you. what your parents did to her is known as parentification and it is a type of abuse. my guess is that stuff like that is why she has stayed away from home. but she obviously loves you and wants you around otherwise she would not have invited you to live with her. i hope you do go and that you have a wonderful college experience with her and her husband cheering you on every step of the way!
your mom is simply upset that you dropped a truth bomb.
|
nta
the truth hurts sometimes.
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (17) was born when my sister ari was already 18. she stayed at home till i was 10 doing her university and masters. so my parents obviously spoiled me cause i was the miracle boy. but i always remember it was ari who taught me to be polite, chew with my mouth closed, how to clean even, be nice and all the stuff like that. it was so much better when she'd make food than my mom. i remember when i was 9 she and her boyfriend (husband now) took me to the park, someone asked if i was her son and she said close enough and i when i asked later what she meant she said i was their practice baby. but when she left, she left and she's like stayed gone. i've seen her so few times since. like there was her wedding, my other sister's wedding and funtions like that. point is in those 10 years, she kept me from being the spoiled brat my mom and dad were definitely turning me into. so even if she didn't wanted to see me in the last seven years i'm still grateful. so university applications are being filled out and i want to do software engineering at waterloo. my mom wants me to stay local. yesterday it turned into a big family zoom meeting where ari was involved. she said if staying with family was an issue, her family was moving to kitchener and her husband heard and he piped up saying he'd love it if i could stay with them. i thought that was cool cause i'd finally get to see them again and meet my niece. but my mom said no, you're not going. so i got really mad and i asked why not. she said you're going to need your mother when you start university. that made me angrier and i said before ari left she was a better mom to me than you anyway. that didn't go well since my mom ran to her room to cry (so i couldn't see), my dad said i was being ungrateful and my sister (not ari) told me to stop being an asshole. so... i don't know. edit for anyone confused: kitchener is a city right next to waterloo
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (17) was born when my sister ari was already 18. she stayed at home till i was 10 doing her university and masters. so my parents obviously spoiled me cause i was the miracle boy. but i always remember it was ari who taught me to be polite, chew with my mouth closed, how to clean even, be nice and all the stuff like that. it was so much better when she'd make food than my mom. i remember when i was 9 she and her boyfriend (husband now) took me to the park, someone asked if i was her son and she said close enough and i when i asked later what she meant she said i was their practice baby. but when she left, she left and she's like stayed gone. i've seen her so few times since. like there was her wedding, my other sister's wedding and funtions like that. point is in those 10 years, she kept me from being the spoiled brat my mom and dad were definitely turning me into. so even if she didn't wanted to see me in the last seven years i'm still grateful. so university applications are being filled out and i want to do software engineering at waterloo. my mom wants me to stay local. yesterday it turned into a big family zoom meeting where ari was involved. she said if staying with family was an issue, her family was moving to kitchener and her husband heard and he piped up saying he'd love it if i could stay with them. i thought that was cool cause i'd finally get to see them again and meet my niece. but my mom said no, you're not going. so i got really mad and i asked why not. she said you're going to need your mother when you start university. that made me angrier and i said before ari left she was a better mom to me than you anyway. that didn't go well since my mom ran to her room to cry (so i couldn't see), my dad said i was being ungrateful and my sister (not ari) told me to stop being an asshole. so... i don't know. edit for anyone confused: kitchener is a city right next to waterloo [/INST] nta i'm going to guess that your sister is keeping her distance for reasons that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with your parents. i would recommend some damage control. apologize to your mom, but make it clear to her that the decision about where to go for university should not be based on a "boy needing his mother," but about what is best for you and your education. you are going to be legally an adult after all. </s>
|
AITA for not playing a game with my husband just because he teased me?
|
my husband and i have been on the brink of divorce for 3 years. long story short we both grew up as mormons and i left the mormon church 3 years ago which is a huge deal in the mormon community.
we've been trying a little harder recently to make things work. this week we downloaded an app where we answer questions about ourselves and each other and can see what the other wrote after we submit our answers. i have been getting spanked tbh and i couldn't figure out why. this is whatever, but every time we do one of these quizzes he teases me pretty ruthlessly. he has said things like, "wow, why are you so bad at this? why am i so much better at this than you? it's as if you don't know me at all. when are you going to get anything right" etc. this is multiple times a day since we downloaded the app less than a week ago.
today i got zero correct out of 5 and he got 4 out of 5 right about me. he found me immediately after finishing the quiz and starting the gloating and teasing. i started looking at what i got wrong and i told him that the answers he put are not what he actually does and he said he knows but he puts how he would like to be not how he actually is. i told him that's why i've been getting stuff wrong. i am pretty objectively honest with my answers about myself so he tends to get more right.
later today out of no where he came and found me again and said, "so, when are you going to do well on one of these quizzes?" and i snapped. i told him i get stuff wrong because he puts bullshit answers instead of the truth. i asked him how does he think i feel to be getting everything wrong all the time? it makes me feel like a shitty wife anyways and then add on to that him being a jerk about it takes all of the fun out of it and makes it stressful. i told him i don't want to play the game with him anymore, called him an asshole and told him i'd be deleting the app which i did.
he said he was sorry and that he thought he was just having a fun time teasing but after the last 3 years we've had and we are not at a good place anyways how the hell would he think that is funny? it makes me wonder if he was enjoying being the "good husband" for knowing everything about me and enjoying me looking stupid especially because i have made 9 out of 10 of the compromises over the past 3 years and he knows it because friends family and therapists have told him so.
on the other hand it's a stupid game and maybe he was just teasing for fun. i could have told him sooner his teasing was bothering me. what do you think reddit? aita?
| 324 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vpevx7/aita_for_not_playing_a_game_with_my_husband_just/
|
2022-07-02 00:11:55
|
nta. a game like this is a kind of evaluation of your relationship. he thinks winning against you is more important than playing fair. it kinda sounds like this might describe your whole relationship in a nutshell, which would explain why you reacted so strongly about it. making you look stupid and lose is fun for him. you need to make up your mind about divorcing him.
|
nta. but a game isn’t going to save your marriage, if you two have gone to therapy and they keep consistently telling you both that you are making all of the comprises without effort from him, then it’s time to move on unfortunately imo. life is too short, and this is not healthy at all. i would at least take a step back and look at everything for what it really is, rose colored married glasses off.
|
nta
so he cheated at the game to try to make you feel like you don't understand or know him and then mocked you for "losing" his rigged game. what a horrible thing to do.
then you say that you keep making changes and compromises to help make the relationship work and he never does.
i am having a hard time understanding what is good about this man that is making you want to stay with him.
|
nta. he's gloating about tricking over a game that is made to help couples get to know each other better. that's weird.
|
nta
he is a liar and a cheater. anyone who would lie on a game like that and then gloat about "winning", which he didn't win *because he cheated*, has a screw loose.
make sure your therapist knows all of this.
and congratulations on leaving the church.
|
i think you need to drop this game - it is no longer serving it’s purpose which for you both to be introspective instead of trying to win. nta for wanting to be done with a game that clearly is not helping your relationship.
|
nta. if he was answering truthfully and you were getting so many wrong, he would still be a jerk for teasing you. since he was deliberating sabotaging the results and teasing you when you didn’t correctly guess his lies, he is completely and utterly wrong. might be time to go ahead and file for divorce if he honestly thinks lying and tormenting you is funny.
|
nta
get the divorce
|
nta. let this marriage go. if you guys have been on the brink for three years and this is where things are at, stop trying to beat a dead horse into submission.
|
you’re nta for blowing up over the stupid app.
however, yta for sitting on the “brink” of divorce for 3 entire years. what are you waiting for? do you really think you’ll wake up one day and he will have magically changed? suck it up buttercup and file already. your future self will thank you.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have been on the brink of divorce for 3 years. long story short we both grew up as mormons and i left the mormon church 3 years ago which is a huge deal in the mormon community. we've been trying a little harder recently to make things work. this week we downloaded an app where we answer questions about ourselves and each other and can see what the other wrote after we submit our answers. i have been getting spanked tbh and i couldn't figure out why. this is whatever, but every time we do one of these quizzes he teases me pretty ruthlessly. he has said things like, "wow, why are you so bad at this? why am i so much better at this than you? it's as if you don't know me at all. when are you going to get anything right" etc. this is multiple times a day since we downloaded the app less than a week ago. today i got zero correct out of 5 and he got 4 out of 5 right about me. he found me immediately after finishing the quiz and starting the gloating and teasing. i started looking at what i got wrong and i told him that the answers he put are not what he actually does and he said he knows but he puts how he would like to be not how he actually is. i told him that's why i've been getting stuff wrong. i am pretty objectively honest with my answers about myself so he tends to get more right. later today out of no where he came and found me again and said, "so, when are you going to do well on one of these quizzes?" and i snapped. i told him i get stuff wrong because he puts bullshit answers instead of the truth. i asked him how does he think i feel to be getting everything wrong all the time? it makes me feel like a shitty wife anyways and then add on to that him being a jerk about it takes all of the fun out of it and makes it stressful. i told him i don't want to play the game with him anymore, called him an asshole and told him i'd be deleting the app which i did. he said he was sorry and that he thought he was just having a fun time teasing but after the last 3 years we've had and we are not at a good place anyways how the hell would he think that is funny? it makes me wonder if he was enjoying being the "good husband" for knowing everything about me and enjoying me looking stupid especially because i have made 9 out of 10 of the compromises over the past 3 years and he knows it because friends family and therapists have told him so. on the other hand it's a stupid game and maybe he was just teasing for fun. i could have told him sooner his teasing was bothering me. what do you think reddit? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have been on the brink of divorce for 3 years. long story short we both grew up as mormons and i left the mormon church 3 years ago which is a huge deal in the mormon community. we've been trying a little harder recently to make things work. this week we downloaded an app where we answer questions about ourselves and each other and can see what the other wrote after we submit our answers. i have been getting spanked tbh and i couldn't figure out why. this is whatever, but every time we do one of these quizzes he teases me pretty ruthlessly. he has said things like, "wow, why are you so bad at this? why am i so much better at this than you? it's as if you don't know me at all. when are you going to get anything right" etc. this is multiple times a day since we downloaded the app less than a week ago. today i got zero correct out of 5 and he got 4 out of 5 right about me. he found me immediately after finishing the quiz and starting the gloating and teasing. i started looking at what i got wrong and i told him that the answers he put are not what he actually does and he said he knows but he puts how he would like to be not how he actually is. i told him that's why i've been getting stuff wrong. i am pretty objectively honest with my answers about myself so he tends to get more right. later today out of no where he came and found me again and said, "so, when are you going to do well on one of these quizzes?" and i snapped. i told him i get stuff wrong because he puts bullshit answers instead of the truth. i asked him how does he think i feel to be getting everything wrong all the time? it makes me feel like a shitty wife anyways and then add on to that him being a jerk about it takes all of the fun out of it and makes it stressful. i told him i don't want to play the game with him anymore, called him an asshole and told him i'd be deleting the app which i did. he said he was sorry and that he thought he was just having a fun time teasing but after the last 3 years we've had and we are not at a good place anyways how the hell would he think that is funny? it makes me wonder if he was enjoying being the "good husband" for knowing everything about me and enjoying me looking stupid especially because i have made 9 out of 10 of the compromises over the past 3 years and he knows it because friends family and therapists have told him so. on the other hand it's a stupid game and maybe he was just teasing for fun. i could have told him sooner his teasing was bothering me. what do you think reddit? aita? [/INST] nta. a game like this is a kind of evaluation of your relationship. he thinks winning against you is more important than playing fair. it kinda sounds like this might describe your whole relationship in a nutshell, which would explain why you reacted so strongly about it. making you look stupid and lose is fun for him. you need to make up your mind about divorcing him. </s>
|
AITA for refusing to drive my friend to the emergency room?
|
i (19f) am friends with a guy jasper (21m) who has been flirting with me really often and makes me uncomfortable.
jasper had been drinking a lot last night and ended up falling over and some of our friends who was with him said that he needed to go to the emergency room as he hit his head apparently super hard.
he called me as i am the only one of the group who has their driving licence and has a car at just after 2am after i got off of work. i could tell he was drunk when he spoke which is why i refused to get him, as he is more flirty and gives off vibes when he's drunk.
i offered to call them a taxi and they said they don't like taxis as they are expensive and wants me to get them.
now they are all treating me like a jerk so i want to get a third parties opinion.
| 443 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/phy2ke/aita_for_refusing_to_drive_my_friend_to_the/
|
2021-09-04 19:33:53
|
nta. you aren’t an uber. and also, protect yourself from creepy so-called friends
|
i hate when you get a head injury so severe you need to go to hospital but not so severe it's worth calling an ambulance or even paying a taxi over.
seriously reassess your friendships.
|
nta. but i do think friends don't flirt with friends, especially in a way that makes said friend feel uncomfortable.
in short, get new friends.
|
nta. a car is a lockable, movable metal box - do not get into one with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. do not apologise for not doing so. feel free to tell jasper he is creepy af, and when that makes him angry point out that him becoming angry and not apologetic is also creepy af.
|
nta, he turned down a ride from a taxi so it’s not like he thought it was that important
|
nta. call me paranoid, but this honestly sounds like a setup him and his buddies cooked up after drinking and psyching himself up to get you alone with him. did they even send any proof or pic of his injury? please, please reconsider having any further interaction with this person(s) if possible. the friends of this person sound like bad news to me too since they were participating. also, it sounds like you have the most going for you out of the group if you're the only one with a car, and an unfortunate fact of life is some people will try to use you under the guise of "friendship" when they see someone with nice things such as a car. i know i'm assuming a lot just from a short story, but the way they tried to play this just really set off alarms in my head. please be careful.
|
nta. however think about defining what a friend means to you and why they would be mad in this situation.
|
“he doesn’t mean to make me uncomfortable...”
what difference does that make? you used your words and told him, and yet he persists. he’s not much of a friend.
nta
|
nta
you offered a great alternative.
|
nta he have a lot of money to be drunk he can pay a taxi
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (19f) am friends with a guy jasper (21m) who has been flirting with me really often and makes me uncomfortable. jasper had been drinking a lot last night and ended up falling over and some of our friends who was with him said that he needed to go to the emergency room as he hit his head apparently super hard. he called me as i am the only one of the group who has their driving licence and has a car at just after 2am after i got off of work. i could tell he was drunk when he spoke which is why i refused to get him, as he is more flirty and gives off vibes when he's drunk. i offered to call them a taxi and they said they don't like taxis as they are expensive and wants me to get them. now they are all treating me like a jerk so i want to get a third parties opinion.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (19f) am friends with a guy jasper (21m) who has been flirting with me really often and makes me uncomfortable. jasper had been drinking a lot last night and ended up falling over and some of our friends who was with him said that he needed to go to the emergency room as he hit his head apparently super hard. he called me as i am the only one of the group who has their driving licence and has a car at just after 2am after i got off of work. i could tell he was drunk when he spoke which is why i refused to get him, as he is more flirty and gives off vibes when he's drunk. i offered to call them a taxi and they said they don't like taxis as they are expensive and wants me to get them. now they are all treating me like a jerk so i want to get a third parties opinion. [/INST] nta. you aren’t an uber. and also, protect yourself from creepy so-called friends </s>
|
AITA for telling my husband the next time he’s sick he can stay home alone with the kids?
|
my husband (28m) and i (27f) have 2 boys (3yrs and 7m). yesterday i got really sick after being in direct sun on a 90degree day. i had a throbbing headache and was nauseous. when we got home i took a cold shower and went to lay down. i was not okay. i hate getting sick and i will not throw up because of how much i hate it. i spend 3 hours of the night in the bathroom dry heaving and crying from my headache. my husband knew what was going on. i finally stop dry heaving long enough to take tylenol for my head and go back to bed. 4am rolls around and my husband tells me he’s going to go to work because “it’s the right thing to do” i was like okay bye. he just called me to see how i was feeling and i was honest and told him i was still not okay and then told him next time he’s sick he can stay home alone and watch the kids. he got quiet and said he was sorry i felt that way. he sounded hurt. im feeling a bit guilty for being harsh with him. so, aita?
| 1,759 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pban2x/aita_for_telling_my_husband_the_next_time_hes/
|
2021-08-25 12:55:34
|
nta, by a large margin. i'm surprised by the majority of the comments otherwise.
you were sick out of your mind, with a 3 year-old and a 7 month-old, and your husband just.... left? at the very least he should've arranged for childcare and ensure you have everything you need next to you.
your husband really failed today, and it irks me that this sub just gave him a free pass.
|
info: how are you feeling now? i am incredibly concerned about you because you had heatstroke. a person can die from that. please drink a lot of water, particularly water with electrolytes. if you don’t have any, here’s how to make your own oral rehydration drink — it’s very inexpensive. please hydrate now. https://med.virginia.edu/ginutrition/wp-content/uploads/sites/199/2021/01/homemade-oral-rehydration-solutions-9-2018-1.pdf
|
uh...why should he be hurt? its the same thing he did? nta
|
nta, not even a little bit.
"i'm sorry you feel that way" is the single most insulting non-apology ever. it deflects blame from the person who screwed up (in this case, a man unconcerned about either his wife's heat stroke or his children's care) onto the person who was wronged (a sick woman who wants to make sure her children are properly cared for). that shit is not okay. and then he tries to sound hurt?
oh man, i would go just shy of nuclear for this.
|
nta. sounds like he went to work because he didn't want to watch the kids
|
info: does your husband's job afford him the ability to call off/work at home/etc. for situations like this or is that behavior risking termination?
|
nta, he should’ve talked with you and made a plan together. he didn’t necessarily have to stay home but it sucks to feel abandoned with a lot of work when you’re sick, hope you get better quick!
|
nta. if that’s heat stroke, it can be life threatening, and you certainly won’t be able to care for children safely, let alone extremely young children. he should know well enough to not leave his -incapacitated- wife as the sole caretakers of their children, that’s dangerous. if he truly couldn’t get out of going to work, he should have found appropriate healthcare bc clearly op is in no state to organize any of that. he is a grown adult and shouldn’t have to be told something so obvious and it shouldn’t be on the sick wife to tell him every little thing about parenting that he should already know. she’s his wife, not his mother.
|
info: did you ever ask him not to go into work or expressed your still sick and needed help?
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| 0.052378 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband (28m) and i (27f) have 2 boys (3yrs and 7m). yesterday i got really sick after being in direct sun on a 90degree day. i had a throbbing headache and was nauseous. when we got home i took a cold shower and went to lay down. i was not okay. i hate getting sick and i will not throw up because of how much i hate it. i spend 3 hours of the night in the bathroom dry heaving and crying from my headache. my husband knew what was going on. i finally stop dry heaving long enough to take tylenol for my head and go back to bed. 4am rolls around and my husband tells me he’s going to go to work because “it’s the right thing to do” i was like okay bye. he just called me to see how i was feeling and i was honest and told him i was still not okay and then told him next time he’s sick he can stay home alone and watch the kids. he got quiet and said he was sorry i felt that way. he sounded hurt. im feeling a bit guilty for being harsh with him. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband (28m) and i (27f) have 2 boys (3yrs and 7m). yesterday i got really sick after being in direct sun on a 90degree day. i had a throbbing headache and was nauseous. when we got home i took a cold shower and went to lay down. i was not okay. i hate getting sick and i will not throw up because of how much i hate it. i spend 3 hours of the night in the bathroom dry heaving and crying from my headache. my husband knew what was going on. i finally stop dry heaving long enough to take tylenol for my head and go back to bed. 4am rolls around and my husband tells me he’s going to go to work because “it’s the right thing to do” i was like okay bye. he just called me to see how i was feeling and i was honest and told him i was still not okay and then told him next time he’s sick he can stay home alone and watch the kids. he got quiet and said he was sorry i felt that way. he sounded hurt. im feeling a bit guilty for being harsh with him. so, aita? [/INST] nta, by a large margin. i'm surprised by the majority of the comments otherwise. you were sick out of your mind, with a 3 year-old and a 7 month-old, and your husband just.... left? at the very least he should've arranged for childcare and ensure you have everything you need next to you. your husband really failed today, and it irks me that this sub just gave him a free pass. </s>
|
|
AITA for removing my flat mates wet clothes from the washing machine and putting them in a trash bag?
|
i am 18f. i live with 4 people, for reference we are all 18-19 and go to university.
one flat mate [19m] has a habit of getting up early, putting clothes in the washing machine and then leaving the house for uni/work for 12 hours+. we do not have a dryer so the washing just sits in there until he gets back and removes it.
i asked him nicely if he could do washing when he’s in the house so he can remove it from the washing machine when it is done. he said sure.
next week, same story. this time i said “there are 4 other people in this house who need to use it, can you please remove your washing from the machine promptly.”
obviously he didn’t listen because yet again i came in to find washing in the washing machine when i really needed to do a wash. this time i got a (clean) black bin sack, put all of the wet washing in the bag, tied it up and put it on his bed and forgot about it.
what i didn’t know was that he would be staying at his girlfriends a couple of days and now he’s come back he says the clothes are ruined and smell mouldy and i’m going to need to pay to replace them and there was at least £350 worth of clothes in there. he asked me why i didn’t hang them up to dry.
from my perspective i have asked him respectfully twice, i am not his mother, i am not going to hang his washing. if it was a one off and someone texted me asking to hang it as a favour i would but in this situation i feel like he had it coming and i am not going to pay for the clothes. he can take me to small claims or whatever but i’m not just going to hand him that sort of money for something he had been told not to do.
aita here?
| 833 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dobrrf/aita_for_removing_my_flat_mates_wet_clothes_from/
|
2019-10-28 17:08:35
|
nta...
there not ruined... rewash then and move on. this happens all the time, if he would have left them in the machine for that many days, they would smell moldy too.
do nothing, if he says he will sue, let him. lots of people say they will sue, most never do.
side note... why don’t you have a dryer? how do you all dry your stuff? is he expecting the others to hang all his stuff on a clothes line? that’s absurd.
|
nta. so he was happy to leave wet clothes in the washing machine for days, effectively blocking the rest of his flatmates from using it? he needs to take responsibility for his actions.
i also very much doubt the clothes are ruined, he just needs to wash them again.
|
nta. he put it in the wash knowing he was going to be gone. he expected someone else to hang it out to dry. he probably always expects it. he's being an asshole.
|
nta.
clearly that guy thinks he has the power here. and it’s his own fault for not listening to you or to anyone. that’s his fault for leaving his clothes in the washer for 12+ hours and then staying at his gf’s house. either way. it would get moldy and smelly as such.
you asked him politely, you did everything. you needed the washing machine. you had to do something... so yeah.
|
don’t you dare pay this guy one cent, op. he is treating you like a maid.
obvious nta.
|
nta. you’ve asked him repeatedly not to leave his washing in the machine. he has responded by leaving it in the machine for days at a time, and being mad at you that you didn’t hang it up for him? that’s completely ridiculous, he is 100% the ah here.
|
nta. i seriously doubt they're ruined... he probably just needs to wash them again. if they were that delicate why was he planning on leaving them in the machine for several days... wouldn't that have "ruined" them too?
|
i'm leaning toward nta, but why would you tie up the bag?
|
nta they would have gotten ruined and moldy in the washer too since he was planning to leave them there, but he also would have made the washer all mildewy and my guess is he would have left that to you to clean it, meanwhile inconveniencing the whole household making them unable to do wash for a week. definitely nta
|
nta effectively he is saying that he cool with his things staying in the machine and blocking it’s use for three days but is not cool with them being put in a bag. i would be dropping subtle hints to contact judge rinder... he would have a field day with this nonsense
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am 18f. i live with 4 people, for reference we are all 18-19 and go to university. one flat mate [19m] has a habit of getting up early, putting clothes in the washing machine and then leaving the house for uni/work for 12 hours+. we do not have a dryer so the washing just sits in there until he gets back and removes it. i asked him nicely if he could do washing when he’s in the house so he can remove it from the washing machine when it is done. he said sure. next week, same story. this time i said “there are 4 other people in this house who need to use it, can you please remove your washing from the machine promptly.” obviously he didn’t listen because yet again i came in to find washing in the washing machine when i really needed to do a wash. this time i got a (clean) black bin sack, put all of the wet washing in the bag, tied it up and put it on his bed and forgot about it. what i didn’t know was that he would be staying at his girlfriends a couple of days and now he’s come back he says the clothes are ruined and smell mouldy and i’m going to need to pay to replace them and there was at least £350 worth of clothes in there. he asked me why i didn’t hang them up to dry. from my perspective i have asked him respectfully twice, i am not his mother, i am not going to hang his washing. if it was a one off and someone texted me asking to hang it as a favour i would but in this situation i feel like he had it coming and i am not going to pay for the clothes. he can take me to small claims or whatever but i’m not just going to hand him that sort of money for something he had been told not to do. aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am 18f. i live with 4 people, for reference we are all 18-19 and go to university. one flat mate [19m] has a habit of getting up early, putting clothes in the washing machine and then leaving the house for uni/work for 12 hours+. we do not have a dryer so the washing just sits in there until he gets back and removes it. i asked him nicely if he could do washing when he’s in the house so he can remove it from the washing machine when it is done. he said sure. next week, same story. this time i said “there are 4 other people in this house who need to use it, can you please remove your washing from the machine promptly.” obviously he didn’t listen because yet again i came in to find washing in the washing machine when i really needed to do a wash. this time i got a (clean) black bin sack, put all of the wet washing in the bag, tied it up and put it on his bed and forgot about it. what i didn’t know was that he would be staying at his girlfriends a couple of days and now he’s come back he says the clothes are ruined and smell mouldy and i’m going to need to pay to replace them and there was at least £350 worth of clothes in there. he asked me why i didn’t hang them up to dry. from my perspective i have asked him respectfully twice, i am not his mother, i am not going to hang his washing. if it was a one off and someone texted me asking to hang it as a favour i would but in this situation i feel like he had it coming and i am not going to pay for the clothes. he can take me to small claims or whatever but i’m not just going to hand him that sort of money for something he had been told not to do. aita here? [/INST] nta... there not ruined... rewash then and move on. this happens all the time, if he would have left them in the machine for that many days, they would smell moldy too. do nothing, if he says he will sue, let him. lots of people say they will sue, most never do. side note... why don’t you have a dryer? how do you all dry your stuff? is he expecting the others to hang all his stuff on a clothes line? that’s absurd. </s>
|
AITA for throwing my wife’s cooking in the trash and yelling after I told her I didn’t want it?
|
my wife (29) and i (32) share cooking responsibilities about 50/50. we are childless so we just cook for ourselves.
we have a system where we try to plan out our dinners a few days in advance. we both work full time and get off around 4:30, so it’s important for us to know what we want.
late last week i had gotten somewhat sick with a stomach virus and was still recovering. however, the day i got really nauseated i ate a salad with a small burger and threw everything up. you know when you eat something while nauseous and throw it up, you kind of turn against it? well that’s what happened.
so i warned my wife on saturday: this week i want no salad or burgers. she said ok. today we get home from work, i ask what we are eating since we both were indecisive. she said she didn’t know but would get it started. i told her i would go take a shower and would be down.
as soon as i exit the shower, i smell meat cooking. i go down and she literally made hamburgers. i told her “hey, i thought we agreed no burgers for awhile after i got sick?” she replied “well there isn’t anything else to eat, so this is what we are having. besides you aren’t sick anymore”.
i sat in stunned silence for the remainder of the cooking and when she gave me the plate, i got up and threw it in the garbage and we got into a spat. i then yelled “you did the exact f*cking opposite of what i said not to do” and i kicked the trash can and then told her i was leaving to go out to eat. i then slammed the door and sped off.
she texted me calling me rude. i ignored her and enjoyed my meal outside. was i an asshole for doing this?
| 2,153 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dogeky/aita_for_throwing_my_wifes_cooking_in_the_trash/
|
2019-10-28 22:15:23
|
yta
>i sat in stunned silence for the remainder of the cooking and when she gave me the plate
really? stunned silence? shall we get one of those dolls they give to child abuse victims in court so you can point out where the mean lady hurt your feelings?
kicked a bin, slammed the door and sped off. because the mean lady made you a hamburger.
|
yta. from one guy with anger problems to another – seek help, please. for your wife and others around you, but most importantly for yourself. i know how normalized these feelings and resulting actions must be to you, but trust me, they're not normal or ok. they're highly destructive and will eat away at every part of your social life, and will ultimately leave you alone without anyone else to take your feelings out on. get help before you do something you can't take back and you lose everything.
|
yta!
holy shit my man. first of all, grow the hell up, the smell of meat isn't going to kill you. i understand it made you feel sick, but there are a hundred other ways you could've told your wife you didn't want it. it's a hamburger, not poison. this would be a different story if you kindly reminded her you didn't want it, and she started an argument. but that's not what happened.
you sound like a child, screaming, cursing, and kicking objects. gross.
|
yta that sounds like abusive and controlling behavior
|
yta. your wife needs to leave you. that is abusive behavior. you reacted irrationally and angrily. you're a grown man, if your tummy hurts make your own food.
|
yta - jesus christ, what an overreaction. maybe there weren't other food options in the house, maybe she genuinely thought you were better, maybe she was thoughtless - who knows, but you could've talked to her like an adult about it. grow up.
|
yta. do you honestly expect anyone to say otherwise? this is an awfulbrag post.
|
"i got up and threw it in the garbage and we got into a spat. i then yelled “you did the exact f*cking opposite of what i said not to do” and i kicked the trash can and then told her i was leaving to go out to eat. i then slammed the door and sped off."
jfc!!! you've got some *serious* rage issues. that was definitely not necessary and seriously uncalled for. go see a doctor.
yta
|
>i kicked the trash can and then told her i was leaving to go out to eat. i then slammed the door and sped off.
and you really have to ask if you were an asshole?
yes. yta.
|
yta- how could you not think you were the asshole. overreact much?
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife (29) and i (32) share cooking responsibilities about 50/50. we are childless so we just cook for ourselves. we have a system where we try to plan out our dinners a few days in advance. we both work full time and get off around 4:30, so it’s important for us to know what we want. late last week i had gotten somewhat sick with a stomach virus and was still recovering. however, the day i got really nauseated i ate a salad with a small burger and threw everything up. you know when you eat something while nauseous and throw it up, you kind of turn against it? well that’s what happened. so i warned my wife on saturday: this week i want no salad or burgers. she said ok. today we get home from work, i ask what we are eating since we both were indecisive. she said she didn’t know but would get it started. i told her i would go take a shower and would be down. as soon as i exit the shower, i smell meat cooking. i go down and she literally made hamburgers. i told her “hey, i thought we agreed no burgers for awhile after i got sick?” she replied “well there isn’t anything else to eat, so this is what we are having. besides you aren’t sick anymore”. i sat in stunned silence for the remainder of the cooking and when she gave me the plate, i got up and threw it in the garbage and we got into a spat. i then yelled “you did the exact f*cking opposite of what i said not to do” and i kicked the trash can and then told her i was leaving to go out to eat. i then slammed the door and sped off. she texted me calling me rude. i ignored her and enjoyed my meal outside. was i an asshole for doing this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife (29) and i (32) share cooking responsibilities about 50/50. we are childless so we just cook for ourselves. we have a system where we try to plan out our dinners a few days in advance. we both work full time and get off around 4:30, so it’s important for us to know what we want. late last week i had gotten somewhat sick with a stomach virus and was still recovering. however, the day i got really nauseated i ate a salad with a small burger and threw everything up. you know when you eat something while nauseous and throw it up, you kind of turn against it? well that’s what happened. so i warned my wife on saturday: this week i want no salad or burgers. she said ok. today we get home from work, i ask what we are eating since we both were indecisive. she said she didn’t know but would get it started. i told her i would go take a shower and would be down. as soon as i exit the shower, i smell meat cooking. i go down and she literally made hamburgers. i told her “hey, i thought we agreed no burgers for awhile after i got sick?” she replied “well there isn’t anything else to eat, so this is what we are having. besides you aren’t sick anymore”. i sat in stunned silence for the remainder of the cooking and when she gave me the plate, i got up and threw it in the garbage and we got into a spat. i then yelled “you did the exact f*cking opposite of what i said not to do” and i kicked the trash can and then told her i was leaving to go out to eat. i then slammed the door and sped off. she texted me calling me rude. i ignored her and enjoyed my meal outside. was i an asshole for doing this? [/INST] yta >i sat in stunned silence for the remainder of the cooking and when she gave me the plate really? stunned silence? shall we get one of those dolls they give to child abuse victims in court so you can point out where the mean lady hurt your feelings? kicked a bin, slammed the door and sped off. because the mean lady made you a hamburger. </s>
|
AITA for spending time alone with my gf's female roommate?
|
this happened last year but i want to see what this sub thinks.
i was at my gf's house visiting, her campus is about an hour bus away. (we go to the same university but she's in a program that has a campus in a different city)
it was a friday night and she was really busy with some school work, while i didn't have much and didn't feel like doing it because she was using the desk so i had to be on the bed. i didn't want to distract her or anything so i just told her i was gonna go down to the backyard and vape(don't wanna vape inside someone elses house), and just chill/listen to music.
i also told her to lmk if she finishes or wants me to come back up, and i wouldn't be more than an hour max.
anyways, i went down and one of her roommates(she's a first year) was in the kitchen, which is next to the backyard door. she saw me vaping and ask if she could take a few hits and i'm like why not. i don't reject people who ask for hits of my joints or vape, and also i wanted to get on my gf roommate's good side since i would be spending nights there and it would be less stressful for my gf bringing me over.
since we were both just vaping we talked a bit, we don't have much in common(my personality is very different than the people who attend this program), but she had gone to vacation in my home country recently and there were a few other things we just had small talk about.
my gf came down and asked if i could come back up, at this point it had been around 30 or so minutes. she was really pissed off at me for leaving her alone in her room, especially to vape alone with this roommate(the roommate is just that, they didn't know each other that well at all at that point since it was early on).
i argued that i did the right thing since i would be a distraction with what i would do otherwise in her room(like gaming or watching something), and i didn't go down specifically to be with her roommate she just happened to be there. plus, it's good i'm on good terms with at least one of the roommates. honestly i would understand if it was a spliff or something but we were just vaping, i'm not even altering my state of mind with it.
aita? i can expand on anything that might be vague
| 245 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cvib8f/aita_for_spending_time_alone_with_my_gfs_female/
|
2019-08-26 02:55:12
|
nta. you told her that you were going to leave the room and go outside to vape. if she had a problem with that, she should've said something then and there. you also told her you would come back at any time if she told you to, and she didn't do that. as for the roommate, it's only natural for you to be friendly with people who are living in your gfs home. what are you supposed to do, just ignore this girl? i'm really not all to sure what she's mad about to be honest.
|
nta...?
sounds like your gf gets jealous easily
|
nta. ridiculous for your gf to get mad over that.
|
nta you were very clear on where you were going and what you were doing and from the story i didn’t see you gf say no about you going out back.
sounds like a bit of jealousy from your gf.
|
nta the title made it seem like you intentionally spent time alone with her away from your girlfriend, you were just at her place and the roommate was there. that’s very normal.
|
nah but it sounds like your girlfriend had an unrealistic expectation that you'll just sit in her room waiting for her to finish her homework. this seems very inconsiderate of you because it's wasting your time. you were considerate of her when you were concerned that you might be a distraction. my wife and i were long distance in college, but we weren't glued at the hip. if we both had to do homework, we'd head to the library where there was plenty of room for us to work. if one of us had to do homework, the one who wasn't doing homework would find something else to do. we also trusted each other to talk with whoever we wanted to when we weren't with each other.
|
nta. are you supposed to avoid the opposite sex entirely? you were trying to be nice
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0.000893 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened last year but i want to see what this sub thinks. i was at my gf's house visiting, her campus is about an hour bus away. (we go to the same university but she's in a program that has a campus in a different city) it was a friday night and she was really busy with some school work, while i didn't have much and didn't feel like doing it because she was using the desk so i had to be on the bed. i didn't want to distract her or anything so i just told her i was gonna go down to the backyard and vape(don't wanna vape inside someone elses house), and just chill/listen to music. i also told her to lmk if she finishes or wants me to come back up, and i wouldn't be more than an hour max. anyways, i went down and one of her roommates(she's a first year) was in the kitchen, which is next to the backyard door. she saw me vaping and ask if she could take a few hits and i'm like why not. i don't reject people who ask for hits of my joints or vape, and also i wanted to get on my gf roommate's good side since i would be spending nights there and it would be less stressful for my gf bringing me over. since we were both just vaping we talked a bit, we don't have much in common(my personality is very different than the people who attend this program), but she had gone to vacation in my home country recently and there were a few other things we just had small talk about. my gf came down and asked if i could come back up, at this point it had been around 30 or so minutes. she was really pissed off at me for leaving her alone in her room, especially to vape alone with this roommate(the roommate is just that, they didn't know each other that well at all at that point since it was early on). i argued that i did the right thing since i would be a distraction with what i would do otherwise in her room(like gaming or watching something), and i didn't go down specifically to be with her roommate she just happened to be there. plus, it's good i'm on good terms with at least one of the roommates. honestly i would understand if it was a spliff or something but we were just vaping, i'm not even altering my state of mind with it. aita? i can expand on anything that might be vague
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened last year but i want to see what this sub thinks. i was at my gf's house visiting, her campus is about an hour bus away. (we go to the same university but she's in a program that has a campus in a different city) it was a friday night and she was really busy with some school work, while i didn't have much and didn't feel like doing it because she was using the desk so i had to be on the bed. i didn't want to distract her or anything so i just told her i was gonna go down to the backyard and vape(don't wanna vape inside someone elses house), and just chill/listen to music. i also told her to lmk if she finishes or wants me to come back up, and i wouldn't be more than an hour max. anyways, i went down and one of her roommates(she's a first year) was in the kitchen, which is next to the backyard door. she saw me vaping and ask if she could take a few hits and i'm like why not. i don't reject people who ask for hits of my joints or vape, and also i wanted to get on my gf roommate's good side since i would be spending nights there and it would be less stressful for my gf bringing me over. since we were both just vaping we talked a bit, we don't have much in common(my personality is very different than the people who attend this program), but she had gone to vacation in my home country recently and there were a few other things we just had small talk about. my gf came down and asked if i could come back up, at this point it had been around 30 or so minutes. she was really pissed off at me for leaving her alone in her room, especially to vape alone with this roommate(the roommate is just that, they didn't know each other that well at all at that point since it was early on). i argued that i did the right thing since i would be a distraction with what i would do otherwise in her room(like gaming or watching something), and i didn't go down specifically to be with her roommate she just happened to be there. plus, it's good i'm on good terms with at least one of the roommates. honestly i would understand if it was a spliff or something but we were just vaping, i'm not even altering my state of mind with it. aita? i can expand on anything that might be vague [/INST] nta. you told her that you were going to leave the room and go outside to vape. if she had a problem with that, she should've said something then and there. you also told her you would come back at any time if she told you to, and she didn't do that. as for the roommate, it's only natural for you to be friendly with people who are living in your gfs home. what are you supposed to do, just ignore this girl? i'm really not all to sure what she's mad about to be honest. </s>
|
AITA for not paying my dad back for the laptop he brought for me?
|
when i first started college, i mentioned in passing that i was going to save up and get myself a laptop so i could do my coursework at home rather than having to go to the library because i babysit for my mum a lot and a 2 year old in the library probably isn't a great idea.
my dad decided to take it upon himself to buy me a laptop, without asking if i wanted him to or not. it's not the greatest laptop in the world- next to no storage space or ram on it, can't even download the sims, and it's got an 11inch screen which makes typing out long essays a bit of a strain on the eyes. i don't tell my dad any of this because i don't want to seem ungrateful.
dad recently asked when i was planning on paying him back for the laptop he bought me so long ago. i just stared at him and mumbled i wasn't sure at the moment, because i was so shocked he was expecting me to pay him back for what i thought was a gift, especially as he didn't ask me if i wanted it or not.
aita if i don't pay him back?
| 192 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ccuvk9/aita_for_not_paying_my_dad_back_for_the_laptop_he/
|
2019-07-13 21:40:26
|
nta. you didn't ask for the laptop and he didn't tell you it wasn't anything other than a gift. sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
that being said, if you want to avoid an argument over the subject and to get the laptop you want (you don't seem to enjoy the one he gave you), maybe you can get him to return it? he gets his money back and you keep saving for the laptop you want. win/win?
|
wow, that is a massive dick move, dad.
&#x200b;
nta, i'd pay it back very begrudgingly and potentially never accept another gift from him. next time he mentions he wants something, buy the shittiest version of it you can find, give it to him, and ask for him to pay it back a few months later. go for a power tool, any real dad will be real cheesed off at having to put money on a shitty tool.
|
nta but you should offer the laptop back to him so he can sell it if he can’t return it.
|
nta are you sure he’s not messing with you? that’s ludicrous
|
nta. if he didn't state you were to pay him back, it was a gift.
|
info. and ask him how much he’s expecting for it, and then you can decide if he’s trying to rip you off. also, how long ago was this?
|
nta. you can't buy someone something \[including your kid\] without them knowing, and then demand they pay for it. super weird.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| null | null | null | 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when i first started college, i mentioned in passing that i was going to save up and get myself a laptop so i could do my coursework at home rather than having to go to the library because i babysit for my mum a lot and a 2 year old in the library probably isn't a great idea. my dad decided to take it upon himself to buy me a laptop, without asking if i wanted him to or not. it's not the greatest laptop in the world- next to no storage space or ram on it, can't even download the sims, and it's got an 11inch screen which makes typing out long essays a bit of a strain on the eyes. i don't tell my dad any of this because i don't want to seem ungrateful. dad recently asked when i was planning on paying him back for the laptop he bought me so long ago. i just stared at him and mumbled i wasn't sure at the moment, because i was so shocked he was expecting me to pay him back for what i thought was a gift, especially as he didn't ask me if i wanted it or not. aita if i don't pay him back?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
when i first started college, i mentioned in passing that i was going to save up and get myself a laptop so i could do my coursework at home rather than having to go to the library because i babysit for my mum a lot and a 2 year old in the library probably isn't a great idea. my dad decided to take it upon himself to buy me a laptop, without asking if i wanted him to or not. it's not the greatest laptop in the world- next to no storage space or ram on it, can't even download the sims, and it's got an 11inch screen which makes typing out long essays a bit of a strain on the eyes. i don't tell my dad any of this because i don't want to seem ungrateful. dad recently asked when i was planning on paying him back for the laptop he bought me so long ago. i just stared at him and mumbled i wasn't sure at the moment, because i was so shocked he was expecting me to pay him back for what i thought was a gift, especially as he didn't ask me if i wanted it or not. aita if i don't pay him back? [/INST] nta. you didn't ask for the laptop and he didn't tell you it wasn't anything other than a gift. sounds perfectly reasonable to me. that being said, if you want to avoid an argument over the subject and to get the laptop you want (you don't seem to enjoy the one he gave you), maybe you can get him to return it? he gets his money back and you keep saving for the laptop you want. win/win? </s>
|
AITA for telling my friend it’s good that her friends/roommates aren’t from her background?
|
i (20f) have a freshman friend (19f) who is first generation and low income. our school is majority wealthy.
she told me recently she’s worried that since the other 4 girls in her suite are all either upper middle class or in the 1%, she’ll be left behind by them.
i said the feeling makes sense, but in reality, the farther her friends are from her background the better it is for her.
lots of first generation low income kids self-segregate and old befriend each other. they go to all the parties, lunches, and hangouts out on by the fgli student organization and never make friends with people more wealthy and connected than them, which is one of the main points of college. i can’t think of a worse thing you can do for upper mobility as a first gen low income kid than deliberately befriend mostly people of your background.
i’m not fgli, but i would’ve loved to be in her position as a freshman, being assigned a bunch of wealthy roommates.
however, she became upset by my statement and said i’m not understanding and she won’t fit in.
| 295 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z04nvj/aita_for_telling_my_friend_its_good_that_her/
|
2022-11-20 13:52:44
|
yta
you indeed do not understand the struggle, how hard it is to follow her friends on nights out/weekends/breaks. you also don't understand that it's not self segregation but the ability to participate in extracurricular activities. it looks like you have no idea what her reality is like but you also seem to have a lot of strong opinions about social mobility.
|
yta also no, the point of college is not to make friends with wealthy and connected people. the point of college is to get an education.
|
oh yikes. i was fgli and had an on campus apartment with three middle class gals. we went grocery shopping and they were like “let’s just share everything and split it evenly” - my share was $125 dollars. had to spend my graduation gift money. i was almost hyperventilating in the store because they kept putting things like expensive organic snacks, dozens of $4 drinks, etc. in the cart. i’d never shopped like that ever in my life, i’d never tried/didn’t intend to try the pricy stuff they were getting, i only had about $30 worth of items i’d actually chosen in the cart. i paid so they wouldn’t judge me, and cried to my mom later. she was horrified i’d spent the gift money she’d scrimped and saved to give me on other people’s groceries.
i told them i definitely couldn’t do that again and they were bummed. they said they didn’t think it was that much, and asked if i really just ate the cheapest stuff at home, and were visibly surprised and uncomfy when i said yes, like they didn’t know what they should say to me. it was humiliating.
i’m not in contact with any of them now. i liked them all and hoped to room with one again, but they all picked other living situations, i don’t think they saw me as a friend. it was sad!
yta, you really have no idea what it’s like. the income split in this country makes even lower/middle class radically different worlds.
|
you come off as pretentious and a know it all.
how do you know what's best for her?
yta
|
yta. did you even listen to her?
|
yta. i think you mean well but you’ve already observed that all the other fgli kids hang out together. this is because they don’t have to be ashamed at the price of their clothing, jewellery etc. they’ll all understand when they can’t afford to eat at a high price restaurant. how will your friend afford to join it and your rich friends on social engagements? will she be upset that her clothes etc aren’t as bougie as theirs?
where’s your evidence that hanging with the rich kids will actually help her at all? you mention your father but that’s a sample study of one. and your assumption that it’s what you would do, which you cannot know for sure because that’s not you or your life.
you may mean well but you’re telling your friend you know what’s best for her without listening to her and just assuming that you know better than her. which sounds classist and obnoxious.
|
yta and you're insisting your opinion is the only right one. it's also assuming these roommates will be kind, welcoming, and humble people. maybe, maybe not.
you come across condescending with an elitist attitude. i'm getting a "ditch your old friends and ride the coat tails of some rich folks with the hope it will rub off on you" vibe.
|
yta for being insensitive and unhelpful.
do you really think the rich kids will treat her nicely?
|
yta and a classist one at that. do you really expect rich people to be able to relate to her? stop being shallow.
|
yeah. you come off being very pretentious here. your choice of words needed to be better. yta.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (20f) have a freshman friend (19f) who is first generation and low income. our school is majority wealthy. she told me recently she’s worried that since the other 4 girls in her suite are all either upper middle class or in the 1%, she’ll be left behind by them. i said the feeling makes sense, but in reality, the farther her friends are from her background the better it is for her. lots of first generation low income kids self-segregate and old befriend each other. they go to all the parties, lunches, and hangouts out on by the fgli student organization and never make friends with people more wealthy and connected than them, which is one of the main points of college. i can’t think of a worse thing you can do for upper mobility as a first gen low income kid than deliberately befriend mostly people of your background. i’m not fgli, but i would’ve loved to be in her position as a freshman, being assigned a bunch of wealthy roommates. however, she became upset by my statement and said i’m not understanding and she won’t fit in.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (20f) have a freshman friend (19f) who is first generation and low income. our school is majority wealthy. she told me recently she’s worried that since the other 4 girls in her suite are all either upper middle class or in the 1%, she’ll be left behind by them. i said the feeling makes sense, but in reality, the farther her friends are from her background the better it is for her. lots of first generation low income kids self-segregate and old befriend each other. they go to all the parties, lunches, and hangouts out on by the fgli student organization and never make friends with people more wealthy and connected than them, which is one of the main points of college. i can’t think of a worse thing you can do for upper mobility as a first gen low income kid than deliberately befriend mostly people of your background. i’m not fgli, but i would’ve loved to be in her position as a freshman, being assigned a bunch of wealthy roommates. however, she became upset by my statement and said i’m not understanding and she won’t fit in. [/INST] yta you indeed do not understand the struggle, how hard it is to follow her friends on nights out/weekends/breaks. you also don't understand that it's not self segregation but the ability to participate in extracurricular activities. it looks like you have no idea what her reality is like but you also seem to have a lot of strong opinions about social mobility. </s>
|
AITA for calling my parents selfish after having a conversation about having kids?
|
i (22f) was talking with my parents during the dinner, as i returned home from university for the weekend. the conversation went from my grades, to politics, to gossips about neighbours to the topic i hate the most - having children.
now, i am still pretty young, i don't really want to have children nor do i think i should be having children for at least 10 more years. pregnancies gross me out, and because i have very messed up eyes, (-11/-12 plus astigmatism) i was being told since i was 15 that if i had natural birth, i have high chances of going blind from all the pressure - so it's a lowkey fear of getting pregnant. at the same time - i am single. i don't really feel the need to find a partner, and even though i do feel attraction to the opposite sex, so far my one and only crush was on another woman - so that is a whole another can of worms. also, my parents keep asking if i am dating someone more frequently because my brother (18) has a girlfriend and now they kind of compare me to him almost in a "he got a partner already and you still haven't, so you better find one soon". i guess because i am the oldest, and a female - they looking at me as the first one to give them grandchildren.
so, as i started to feel that my dad is going towards the topic, i quickly cut in, casually mentioning how i would love to do somekind of a genetic test to check if i do not carry some kind of genetic sleeper disease or terminal illness, and that i would decide if i would have children based on the results.
my parents looked at me as if i just told them that i kick puppies for entertainment. it took them a while to understand and i explained that if i was informed that i was carrying a disease that will be transfered to my child at at least 70% chance - i would not have children.
my mom said that this was ridiculous and how you should always hope for the best. i replied that it would be beyond cruel to both the child, who might live in constant pain, and to myself, if that said child would die at the age of 7, causing me to go through tons of emotional and psychological trauma. they still could not comprehend that, saying that "there still would be 30% chance that the illness would not show up" and the argument got more and more heated until i snapped and said that it is beyond selfish to just give life to a child just because you want one, especially if you know that the child will be born with a terminal illness. in return i was called immature and stupid, and how "you will change your tune once you find yourself a boyfriend and you settle down".
i do have to say that my mom had me after 3 failed pregnancies. not full on miscariages, but they were early stage failures, and apparently bringing me to life was a long struggle.
since this convo, grandchildren talk has become a taboo, but still my parents like to mention it, with a follow up of "fine fine we wont talk about that, because you clearly do not understand the topic"
aita?
| 674 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vbknc7/aita_for_calling_my_parents_selfish_after_having/
|
2022-06-13 19:48:01
|
nta my husband and i got genetic testing done. we had no reason to think there would be a problem, but we still paid for the most comprehensive testing available. why not have all the information possible?
however, it sounds like you succeeded in shutting your parents up. good work!
|
nta - first of all, having children is your choice. period. you could just say "i do not want kids at this time, and do not know if i ever will" and if they ask why, you are not required to give them an answer.
i do not know how old your parents are but based on your age i'd guess they are still a bit more traditional in the sense parents just assume their kids are going to have kids, and so on. i myself am child free by choice - i knew since i was a teenager i did not want kids and i had to hear all kinds of crap until i turned 40 or so (i am mid-40s now).
i like how you tried to steer the conversation away, but just remember, if is your choice and you owe no one an explanation.
|
nta.
it is your body and your choice - maybe one day you will decide that you will want children, but that is not today and you have given them your view, they need to respect it.
they are being very rude to say that you do not understand the topic - you understand that you are not interested in being a mother now, and potentially not ever. that is your choice, and *their* lack of understand of your views, opinions and feelings is not your problem.
|
nta. miscarriage is most often caused by chromosomal abnormalities, and if your mother had multiple miscarriages then it's possible that either she or your father are carriers for genetic conditions known to increase the risk of pregnancy loss. these days there are several companies offering genetic screenings that can identify 400+ conditions, so why *not* get one if that's what you want to do? who does it harm for you to have that information? nobody, and imo more information is seldom a bad thing, particularly in regards to such a monumental decision such as creating a whole new human life.
|
nta. no matter the reasoning, if you don’t want kids you don’t want kids. end of subject. sorry they’re like that.
|
nta. it's your body, your choice. you don't exist to give someone grandchildren. i would not even entertain these types of conversations any longer and make it a point to either not answer when they ask, quickly change the subject or just leave if they are super persistent.
|
nta. you are the only person who gets to decide whether or not you want to endure pregnancy, giving birth and raising a child. not a single other person on the planet gets to have any input on that decision, not even your future spouse. that's why it's important that you're clear on what you want or don't want and only invest in people who are on the same page as you. it will make dating 1000x easier on you.
it looks like you've put up a good boundary with them, but i would just change the subject every time they bring it up, like don't even address it.
"when are you going to have a baby?"
"i ate at a new restaurant yesterday, it was so good! have you been yet?"
"have you changed your mind about the genetic testing?"
"i watched this really cool series on netflix last week, did you watch it?"
if they press, just leave the room. if you leave the room every time they talk about it, eventually they'll learn to not bring it up.
i've experienced 3 pregnancies and i'm honestly glad my daughter doesn't want to have kids. it's hard even when you want it. i can't imagine how awful it would be if you don't. of course i'll support her if she changes her mind because i'm her mom and that's what i'm supposed to do.
stick to your guns!
|
nta. imposing their views on you was already selfish to begin with. besides, you are being perfectly reasonable op. there's a high chance you could go blind, the child could die young and they still want to guilt you into having a biological kid naturally? hard nta.
|
nta, you already said it has a good chance of causing you to go blind. why would you do that to yourself. they can put all the kid pressure on your brother.
|
nta
whether or not to have children is your decision and your decision only - not your parents, and not your partner you may eventually have. unfortunately it sounds like your parents are pretty invested in you finding a partner and having children, neither or which are things any of us has to do.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22f) was talking with my parents during the dinner, as i returned home from university for the weekend. the conversation went from my grades, to politics, to gossips about neighbours to the topic i hate the most - having children. now, i am still pretty young, i don't really want to have children nor do i think i should be having children for at least 10 more years. pregnancies gross me out, and because i have very messed up eyes, (-11/-12 plus astigmatism) i was being told since i was 15 that if i had natural birth, i have high chances of going blind from all the pressure - so it's a lowkey fear of getting pregnant. at the same time - i am single. i don't really feel the need to find a partner, and even though i do feel attraction to the opposite sex, so far my one and only crush was on another woman - so that is a whole another can of worms. also, my parents keep asking if i am dating someone more frequently because my brother (18) has a girlfriend and now they kind of compare me to him almost in a "he got a partner already and you still haven't, so you better find one soon". i guess because i am the oldest, and a female - they looking at me as the first one to give them grandchildren. so, as i started to feel that my dad is going towards the topic, i quickly cut in, casually mentioning how i would love to do somekind of a genetic test to check if i do not carry some kind of genetic sleeper disease or terminal illness, and that i would decide if i would have children based on the results. my parents looked at me as if i just told them that i kick puppies for entertainment. it took them a while to understand and i explained that if i was informed that i was carrying a disease that will be transfered to my child at at least 70% chance - i would not have children. my mom said that this was ridiculous and how you should always hope for the best. i replied that it would be beyond cruel to both the child, who might live in constant pain, and to myself, if that said child would die at the age of 7, causing me to go through tons of emotional and psychological trauma. they still could not comprehend that, saying that "there still would be 30% chance that the illness would not show up" and the argument got more and more heated until i snapped and said that it is beyond selfish to just give life to a child just because you want one, especially if you know that the child will be born with a terminal illness. in return i was called immature and stupid, and how "you will change your tune once you find yourself a boyfriend and you settle down". i do have to say that my mom had me after 3 failed pregnancies. not full on miscariages, but they were early stage failures, and apparently bringing me to life was a long struggle. since this convo, grandchildren talk has become a taboo, but still my parents like to mention it, with a follow up of "fine fine we wont talk about that, because you clearly do not understand the topic" aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) was talking with my parents during the dinner, as i returned home from university for the weekend. the conversation went from my grades, to politics, to gossips about neighbours to the topic i hate the most - having children. now, i am still pretty young, i don't really want to have children nor do i think i should be having children for at least 10 more years. pregnancies gross me out, and because i have very messed up eyes, (-11/-12 plus astigmatism) i was being told since i was 15 that if i had natural birth, i have high chances of going blind from all the pressure - so it's a lowkey fear of getting pregnant. at the same time - i am single. i don't really feel the need to find a partner, and even though i do feel attraction to the opposite sex, so far my one and only crush was on another woman - so that is a whole another can of worms. also, my parents keep asking if i am dating someone more frequently because my brother (18) has a girlfriend and now they kind of compare me to him almost in a "he got a partner already and you still haven't, so you better find one soon". i guess because i am the oldest, and a female - they looking at me as the first one to give them grandchildren. so, as i started to feel that my dad is going towards the topic, i quickly cut in, casually mentioning how i would love to do somekind of a genetic test to check if i do not carry some kind of genetic sleeper disease or terminal illness, and that i would decide if i would have children based on the results. my parents looked at me as if i just told them that i kick puppies for entertainment. it took them a while to understand and i explained that if i was informed that i was carrying a disease that will be transfered to my child at at least 70% chance - i would not have children. my mom said that this was ridiculous and how you should always hope for the best. i replied that it would be beyond cruel to both the child, who might live in constant pain, and to myself, if that said child would die at the age of 7, causing me to go through tons of emotional and psychological trauma. they still could not comprehend that, saying that "there still would be 30% chance that the illness would not show up" and the argument got more and more heated until i snapped and said that it is beyond selfish to just give life to a child just because you want one, especially if you know that the child will be born with a terminal illness. in return i was called immature and stupid, and how "you will change your tune once you find yourself a boyfriend and you settle down". i do have to say that my mom had me after 3 failed pregnancies. not full on miscariages, but they were early stage failures, and apparently bringing me to life was a long struggle. since this convo, grandchildren talk has become a taboo, but still my parents like to mention it, with a follow up of "fine fine we wont talk about that, because you clearly do not understand the topic" aita? [/INST] nta my husband and i got genetic testing done. we had no reason to think there would be a problem, but we still paid for the most comprehensive testing available. why not have all the information possible? however, it sounds like you succeeded in shutting your parents up. good work! </s>
|
AITA for telling our conservative parents that we’re preventing pregnancy?
|
throwaway account because people from our town would know who we are.
my wife and i were both brought up in very conservative christian homes. we’ve known each other since early childhood and were married three years ago at 19. we’re both christians but neither of us are anywhere near as conservative as our parents and don’t plan to lead the same type of lives as they have. our marriage is great, we love each other a great deal and always talk about how we feel.
anyway: we told everyone that we weren’t going to prevent pregnancies when we were married but as my wife had just started college and neither of us felt ready to start a family, my wife had an iud. up until today, we’ve told everyone that we’re trying but that god just hasn’t given us a baby yet. obviously there (most likely) isn’t anything wrong with either of our reproductive parts so we’ve been very chill about our “infertility” but our families have started to worry a lot. i haven’t felt great about lying as i do believe it’s a sin but my wife has been adamant about not telling anyone so i’ve respected that.
my wife has been doing amazingly in college and was accepted as a transfer student at a big university out of state a few months ago. we’re moving up there in august and planned to tell our families about our move today at church.
when we told them, our families were pretty sceptical but seemed accepting of our decision to move. but afterwards, my mom cornered us and outright asked us if we were using birth control and i just couldn’t lie so i told her yes. she immediately started crying and told my dad and my wife’s parents as well who also got visibly upset. as we drove home my wife was livid and said that i’d betrayed her trust. i don’t think that’s fair - i know she’s the one with the iud but i see it as just as much my secret as hers and lying to your loved ones just isn’t right in my opinion.
our pastor just called me and said he’d come by in two hours. my wife i saying that she’s ready to pack her bags and leave town for good which i think is much too excessive. we both know that we aren’t coming back to our town after we move in august as the pressure of living how our parents want us to is
to much for us, but i don’t want to estrange my whole family in the process.
aita?
| 630 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c4cxzq/aita_for_telling_our_conservative_parents_that/
|
2019-06-23 22:04:48
|
yta, that's private information, and your wife explicitly told you not to share it.
|
yta because it was a private thing that you were asked not to tell.
but like definitely leave that crazy place. are you not supposed to use anything and just reproduce infinity babies? yeesh.
|
esh except your wife. lying isn't good, but respecting the privacy of your marriage is more important, so you are an asshole for betraying your wife's trust. you also both had to know this was going to come to a head eventually, but you had no plan on how to deal with it.
your family needs to mind their own business and you need to tell them so. sending the pastor over to your house is a super asshole move. you need to set clear boundaries here. you're an adult. time to act like it.
|
>as we drove home my wife was livid and said that i’d betrayed her trust. i don’t think that’s fair - i know she’s the one with the iud but i see it as just as much my secret as hers and lying to your loved ones just isn’t right in my opinion.
yta. 100%. you broke her trust.
and for the record, your fertility is no one else's business. you should have told your parents that it's not their business.
|
esh except your wife. you betrayed her trust and your parents and in-laws need to fuck off. whether y'all have children or not is none of their business. your pastor needs to mind his own damn business.
|
yta - you’re surrounded by invasive people with no sense of reasonable boundaries. your wife asked you to keep your mutual decision private. you agreed, then turned around and caved when your mom squeezed out a few tears. when you get married your partner comes first. period. if you wanted to come clean with your families you should have spoken with your wife first and mutually agreed on a new plan, but i honestly can’t blame her for not wanting to involve them in your private business when they are so obviously militant about birth control. you guys don’t need to justify yourselves to them. it’s your lives, and more importantly, it’s your wife’s body, also, if you let that pastor in the house to lecture and shame you both you’re nuts. apologize to your wife, leave that town, tell your parents to get used to the idea that you will both be living your lives on your own terms and no one else’s, snd don’t look back!
|
>"but my wife has been adamant about not telling anyone so i've respected that..."
yeah, until you didn't. yta for breaking her privacy. i do see how you could view the iud as your secret too, but (1) like, until you have the procedure for getting a hormone juicer implanted in your reproductive organs, maybe it's a little more her secret than yours and (2) just because a secret is shared between two people doesn't give one person the right to break it whenever they want?? in fact, it makes trust between the two and consent for revealing the secret more important, not less.
and you can see what happens when you break that trust in how your wife's reacting. you can't blame her for wanting to gtfo right now--she has every right to be mad at you. i do acknowledge though that these seem to be fairly extraordinary circumstances, and maybe under that kind of pressure anyone can become a bit of an asshole. i just think it would be more understandable if you became an asshole \_for\_ your wife and lifestyle (e.g. shouting, "it's none of your fucking business, mom!") instead of in a way that kind of explicitly betrays both in the name of "honesty."
not to be ta myself, but i think it's really funny that your pastor's treating this as an emergency. definitely don't think you deserve whatever intervention he's got planned. good luck!
|
[deleted]
|
esh, except your poor wife. good luck with the pastor.
|
what the fuck kind of crazy town do you live in and what year are your families stuck living in... that is insane.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
ESH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
ESH
| null | 0.00851 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account because people from our town would know who we are. my wife and i were both brought up in very conservative christian homes. we’ve known each other since early childhood and were married three years ago at 19. we’re both christians but neither of us are anywhere near as conservative as our parents and don’t plan to lead the same type of lives as they have. our marriage is great, we love each other a great deal and always talk about how we feel. anyway: we told everyone that we weren’t going to prevent pregnancies when we were married but as my wife had just started college and neither of us felt ready to start a family, my wife had an iud. up until today, we’ve told everyone that we’re trying but that god just hasn’t given us a baby yet. obviously there (most likely) isn’t anything wrong with either of our reproductive parts so we’ve been very chill about our “infertility” but our families have started to worry a lot. i haven’t felt great about lying as i do believe it’s a sin but my wife has been adamant about not telling anyone so i’ve respected that. my wife has been doing amazingly in college and was accepted as a transfer student at a big university out of state a few months ago. we’re moving up there in august and planned to tell our families about our move today at church. when we told them, our families were pretty sceptical but seemed accepting of our decision to move. but afterwards, my mom cornered us and outright asked us if we were using birth control and i just couldn’t lie so i told her yes. she immediately started crying and told my dad and my wife’s parents as well who also got visibly upset. as we drove home my wife was livid and said that i’d betrayed her trust. i don’t think that’s fair - i know she’s the one with the iud but i see it as just as much my secret as hers and lying to your loved ones just isn’t right in my opinion. our pastor just called me and said he’d come by in two hours. my wife i saying that she’s ready to pack her bags and leave town for good which i think is much too excessive. we both know that we aren’t coming back to our town after we move in august as the pressure of living how our parents want us to is to much for us, but i don’t want to estrange my whole family in the process. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account because people from our town would know who we are. my wife and i were both brought up in very conservative christian homes. we’ve known each other since early childhood and were married three years ago at 19. we’re both christians but neither of us are anywhere near as conservative as our parents and don’t plan to lead the same type of lives as they have. our marriage is great, we love each other a great deal and always talk about how we feel. anyway: we told everyone that we weren’t going to prevent pregnancies when we were married but as my wife had just started college and neither of us felt ready to start a family, my wife had an iud. up until today, we’ve told everyone that we’re trying but that god just hasn’t given us a baby yet. obviously there (most likely) isn’t anything wrong with either of our reproductive parts so we’ve been very chill about our “infertility” but our families have started to worry a lot. i haven’t felt great about lying as i do believe it’s a sin but my wife has been adamant about not telling anyone so i’ve respected that. my wife has been doing amazingly in college and was accepted as a transfer student at a big university out of state a few months ago. we’re moving up there in august and planned to tell our families about our move today at church. when we told them, our families were pretty sceptical but seemed accepting of our decision to move. but afterwards, my mom cornered us and outright asked us if we were using birth control and i just couldn’t lie so i told her yes. she immediately started crying and told my dad and my wife’s parents as well who also got visibly upset. as we drove home my wife was livid and said that i’d betrayed her trust. i don’t think that’s fair - i know she’s the one with the iud but i see it as just as much my secret as hers and lying to your loved ones just isn’t right in my opinion. our pastor just called me and said he’d come by in two hours. my wife i saying that she’s ready to pack her bags and leave town for good which i think is much too excessive. we both know that we aren’t coming back to our town after we move in august as the pressure of living how our parents want us to is to much for us, but i don’t want to estrange my whole family in the process. aita? [/INST] yta, that's private information, and your wife explicitly told you not to share it. </s>
|
AITA for Wanting to go to a different College than my GF after 4 years?
|
so my(16m) girlfriend(17f) and i have been dating for a little over 4 years now. we met at summer camp when we were twelve and connected immediately. we live 5 1/2 hours apart from each other. neither of us can drive yet so we try to see each other whenever my brother can drive me which is every few months as well as facetime night, but we do always go back to camp every summer for 4 weeks.
our dream since we were twelve was to go to college together. so that we could finally be together all the time. but now that we’re going into senior year, i’m starting to worry about this plan. mainly because getting into a great school is very important to me, whereas it’s really not for her. i have a perfect gpa and sat score, take all ap courses the last 4 years, am involved in many extracurriculars and clubs, work lots of community service and volunteer hours and am thinking about going d1 for volleyball. i plan on being a surgeon which is why i really want to go to a good school with a good premed program.
my girlfriend is incredibly smart, way smarter than me, but school really isn’t that important to her. she gets all a’s and b’s in 2nd and 3rd level classes(her school has a leveling system out of 5) she does theater and babysits and that’s pretty much it. she wants to be an elementary school teacher which i know she’ll do great at. she will definitely be able to get into college but just not the same type of college i want to go to.
we both have started looking at colleges and going on tours. in june we had a long facetime call comparing different schools. everything i suggested she just said there would be no way she could get in there. it made me really nervous and that night i thought of a compromise, we go to school in the same city, still see each other all the time but just go to separate schools.
i thought this was fair, her dream school is cuny hunter and mine is columbia so i thought it could work. but she got really mad when i suggested it to her, she said going to the same school has been her dream for the past 4 years and now i’m backing out at the last minute. we spoke about it a lot and she really tried to find schools we could both get into but a lot of them are not good for what i wanna do.
we agreed not to talk about it at all during camp and we had a great time. but now we’ve started talking about it again. i feel like my compromise is fair, i brought it up to my sisters and they agree but also think i should’ve brought this up to her years ago rather than waiting til months before we apply. i agree but i guess we just never spoke about school that much before now. we always said we’d go to school together but what school was never a conversation. but aita here? should i just try and find a school that meets both of our desires?
| 207 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wurnlx/aita_for_wanting_to_go_to_a_different_college/
|
2022-08-22 11:57:57
|
nta. you need to make your college decision based on what’s best for you and your future career plans, not a relationship that may not survive the the transition to adulthood - and in fact, probably shouldn’t, if your girlfriend’s convinced she’s going to lose you unless she clips your wings.
|
nta your compromise is a great idea
if the schools she can get in dont have good pre-med programs then you would be hurting your own future
you are both very young, the likelihood that she is the one you will grow old with and die are slim to none so prioritise your educational needs
whatever you do dont move in together going straight from highschool into college
take time to live on your own
|
nta
never make career/education choice based on your relationship. you might love your gf but love won't pay your bills once you graduate or give you a job you are proud of in the future. choosing a university just because your gf would be in it would be incredibly stupid, and i'm saying that with love believe me. your education must come first, i know that might sound cynical, but you could break up with your gf tomorrow, or worse, when you are already together in uni, and then what? no, your education is your responsibility and should be your goal to excel in it if that's what you want to do.
your compromise is more than fair, and you need to put yourself first in this situation. that doesn't mean you don't love her anymore or don't want to be with her. but you have to look out for yourself and your future. academics isn't everything there is to life, but it's certainly something important to you and you should pursue it! your gf has a right to be upset, although i think it's very immature of her but you are still kids so it's normal, but her feelings shouldn't be what stops you from going to your ideal university.
|
nta- while i am not saying anything about your relationship, i know many people who went to a specific school because of a high school relationship. those relationships have not worked out for any of those people and they missed out on some great opportunities. you have managed to keep this relationship going through long distance, i think going to different schools in the same area will also work for you.
that said, you should also not put yourself into debt going to a “good school.” do some research on starting salaries compared to tuition and scholarships. i graduated about 10 years ago and i am still deeply in debt because i decided to go to a “good school” for my masters.
|
nta your decision about college should be all about you. i know you'll both be upset if your dream plan doesn't work out but your future is to important to risk based on a promise you made when you were 12 or 13.
|
you are 16 chill out. you're probably feeling a ton of emotions and strong feelings right now but seriously take a breath and never make serious decisions like this based on someone who isn't you.
make serious decisions based on what you want and need from life. she may or not be a factor in these choices but what she wants shouldn't be the only factor.
|
nta don't make decisions about your future for a gf/bf no matter how long you have been together. you need to do what is best for you. people change a lot between 18 and 25 in ways you cannot predict (never mind between 12 and 18) and you are talking about making life decisions based on promises you made at 12? no, do not do that because i guarantee it will be one of your lifelong regrets if you do. apply to the colleges that meet your needs for your best future. she should apply to the ones most suited for her. it is that simple.
| null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my(16m) girlfriend(17f) and i have been dating for a little over 4 years now. we met at summer camp when we were twelve and connected immediately. we live 5 1/2 hours apart from each other. neither of us can drive yet so we try to see each other whenever my brother can drive me which is every few months as well as facetime night, but we do always go back to camp every summer for 4 weeks. our dream since we were twelve was to go to college together. so that we could finally be together all the time. but now that we’re going into senior year, i’m starting to worry about this plan. mainly because getting into a great school is very important to me, whereas it’s really not for her. i have a perfect gpa and sat score, take all ap courses the last 4 years, am involved in many extracurriculars and clubs, work lots of community service and volunteer hours and am thinking about going d1 for volleyball. i plan on being a surgeon which is why i really want to go to a good school with a good premed program. my girlfriend is incredibly smart, way smarter than me, but school really isn’t that important to her. she gets all a’s and b’s in 2nd and 3rd level classes(her school has a leveling system out of 5) she does theater and babysits and that’s pretty much it. she wants to be an elementary school teacher which i know she’ll do great at. she will definitely be able to get into college but just not the same type of college i want to go to. we both have started looking at colleges and going on tours. in june we had a long facetime call comparing different schools. everything i suggested she just said there would be no way she could get in there. it made me really nervous and that night i thought of a compromise, we go to school in the same city, still see each other all the time but just go to separate schools. i thought this was fair, her dream school is cuny hunter and mine is columbia so i thought it could work. but she got really mad when i suggested it to her, she said going to the same school has been her dream for the past 4 years and now i’m backing out at the last minute. we spoke about it a lot and she really tried to find schools we could both get into but a lot of them are not good for what i wanna do. we agreed not to talk about it at all during camp and we had a great time. but now we’ve started talking about it again. i feel like my compromise is fair, i brought it up to my sisters and they agree but also think i should’ve brought this up to her years ago rather than waiting til months before we apply. i agree but i guess we just never spoke about school that much before now. we always said we’d go to school together but what school was never a conversation. but aita here? should i just try and find a school that meets both of our desires?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my(16m) girlfriend(17f) and i have been dating for a little over 4 years now. we met at summer camp when we were twelve and connected immediately. we live 5 1/2 hours apart from each other. neither of us can drive yet so we try to see each other whenever my brother can drive me which is every few months as well as facetime night, but we do always go back to camp every summer for 4 weeks. our dream since we were twelve was to go to college together. so that we could finally be together all the time. but now that we’re going into senior year, i’m starting to worry about this plan. mainly because getting into a great school is very important to me, whereas it’s really not for her. i have a perfect gpa and sat score, take all ap courses the last 4 years, am involved in many extracurriculars and clubs, work lots of community service and volunteer hours and am thinking about going d1 for volleyball. i plan on being a surgeon which is why i really want to go to a good school with a good premed program. my girlfriend is incredibly smart, way smarter than me, but school really isn’t that important to her. she gets all a’s and b’s in 2nd and 3rd level classes(her school has a leveling system out of 5) she does theater and babysits and that’s pretty much it. she wants to be an elementary school teacher which i know she’ll do great at. she will definitely be able to get into college but just not the same type of college i want to go to. we both have started looking at colleges and going on tours. in june we had a long facetime call comparing different schools. everything i suggested she just said there would be no way she could get in there. it made me really nervous and that night i thought of a compromise, we go to school in the same city, still see each other all the time but just go to separate schools. i thought this was fair, her dream school is cuny hunter and mine is columbia so i thought it could work. but she got really mad when i suggested it to her, she said going to the same school has been her dream for the past 4 years and now i’m backing out at the last minute. we spoke about it a lot and she really tried to find schools we could both get into but a lot of them are not good for what i wanna do. we agreed not to talk about it at all during camp and we had a great time. but now we’ve started talking about it again. i feel like my compromise is fair, i brought it up to my sisters and they agree but also think i should’ve brought this up to her years ago rather than waiting til months before we apply. i agree but i guess we just never spoke about school that much before now. we always said we’d go to school together but what school was never a conversation. but aita here? should i just try and find a school that meets both of our desires? [/INST] nta. you need to make your college decision based on what’s best for you and your future career plans, not a relationship that may not survive the the transition to adulthood - and in fact, probably shouldn’t, if your girlfriend’s convinced she’s going to lose you unless she clips your wings. </s>
|
AITA for getting upset that my MIL gave my son fries?
|
to give a little bit of background, considering my mil allowed my husband and i to live with her while we got our life together i have always had the utmost respect for her. despite being able to ignore when i felt disrespected as a parent, she has always kinda stepped on my toes in the sense of doing whatever or giving my 4 year old whatever when i have already made a decision. yesterday was one of those days. my 4 year old wanted pringle’s but didn’t want to share with his younger brother, leading to him being upset and throwing them at me when i decided to take some out to place in a another bowl for my 3 year old. i told him we don’t throw things at mommy much less food, and took them away. my sil and mil had shown up to the house with food for themselves as they were visiting, and as a part of my sons tantrum he decided to go into their bags and start taking out the food to eat it. i told him to put it back because it wasn’t his and he had food waiting for him in the micro if he was hungry (i had cooked prior to them arriving). when my sil offered to share her fries i told her no and that was that. not even five minutes later i hear my son saying “grandma i want more fries” and i look up to see him eating fries and looking my way as a “look mommy i got fries either way” and i told him “i see what you’re doing daniel” to which my mil replied “he’s hungry, he’s hungry” while she rolled her eyes. at this point i’m upset because she didn’t ask if my son could have the fries, she gave them to him when i wasn’t looking having heard i said no. i told her i didn’t appreciate her doing that and she got upset and made it seem like i was depriving my child of food when it wasn’t about her giving him the fries it was about her going against what i said. no i’m the bad person. and a bad mom because i starve my child. aita for getting upset ?
| 979 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o1uvsf/aita_for_getting_upset_that_my_mil_gave_my_son/
|
2021-06-17 11:22:10
|
nta
you're trying to teach your son proper behaviour and how to be a dectent human being but your mil is turning him into a spoiled brat if she keeps giving him everything he wants. you have every right to be upset
|
nta whatsoever, ignore anyone who says you are.
what people like your mil tend to 'forget' (wilfully ignore) is that undermining parents is a stupid thing to do. it's not just about fries, or whether he's hungry. it's about the fact that kids have to learn that their choices have consequences.
when mil was parenting her own kids, one of two things happened. either a) she, like you, would be pissed off at being undermined and push back against it or b) she was poor at enforcing boundaries or creating consistent expectations with her kids anyway, and consequently she didn't care much. i'd be tempted to ask her which it was. my stepdad is an absolute pain for doing this with my nephew; my sister reminded him the other day that his own (very spoiled) adult daughters no longer speak to him, because he drew a line over their behaviour when they were much older, and they lost their bratty shit. so she's not taking parenting lessons from him. he wasn't happy but the point was made.
if your kid sees that other adults can and will railroad you and get him what he wants, he will have less regard for you and your parenting on a day-to-day basis. that can be actually dangerous. why shouldn't he run into the road? why shouldn't he punch his brother? why shouldn't he run with scissors? people like your mil want to be the fun adult at your expense, and they do the kiddo a huge disservice when they do. children learn to be pro-social, secure and happy when they get consistency from their adult caregivers, and when they can feel safe knowing their parents are in charge.
speak to mil sternly about this, and turn off the emotive guilt-tripping crap at the wall. be sure your partner backs you, not just verbally to you but to mil's face as well.
|
absolutely nta. your mil is deliberately undermining your parenting by makibg you look like the bad guy you and your so should sit her down when the kids are in bed and have a conversation about boundaries. this behaviour is not okay and you and your so should not tolerate it.
|
nta. looks like it's time to have a little chat with your mil. you should probably sit her down and calmly explain that you are so appreciative of everything she's done for your family, but it's very important to you that your son learns to obey his parents, and that whole situation wasn't about him being hungry and you weren't depriving him of food. it was about him not wanting to share, throwing a temper tantrum when he was told no, and then trying to get around being told no. then ask how she would have felt when raising your husband if someone else would have allowed her son to subvert her rules after she told him no. she'll probably reply that she wouldn't have liked it either, or she may say something that might help you understand her perspective. either way, it needs to be addressed, after the eye roll comment.
|
esh
your mil for the obvious reasons, but you as well.
you talk about mil not respecting your parenting, but really, why should she? you aren't even making your 4yo respect your parenting decisions.
if your child was having a tantrum, and you were disciplining him, why was he able to wander around, get his hands on mil's food, and attempt to steal it? why were you not keeping him in a safe spot where you can control his environment to prevent harm to himself and others until he has his emotions under control?
and then, when you catch him blatantly disrespecting the rules *and smirking at you while he does it*, your response is, "i see what you're doing"???
what, did you think he didn't want you to see? at best, you've just acknowledged that your 4yo outsmarted you. at worst, you've just told your 4yo that you are too busy to parent *right now* because he isn't important enough. small wonder that he looks to his grandmother for comfort and validation.
|
nta but your mil sure was in that case. you need to have a real conversation with her about boundaries. like you said, in that moment, it wasn’t about food. she probably could have asked you fifteen minutes later and it would have been fine. it was about the fact he was in the middle of discipline over a tantrum and she inserted herself into it.
|
nah
this is looking to be an unpopular opinion, but i have raised a child to adulthood and have more of a birds-eye view of things now. one of the best pieces of parenting advice i've ever received is "choose your battles." at any given time, is this a hill you want to die on?
regarding family, i generally give benefit of the doubt. does your mil likely realize the source of your angst? probably not. do you think that if you turn a blind eye to instances like these that your child will become an uncontrollable brat? again, likely not. is it freakin' annoying when it feels like you're being undermined? hell, yes. but is it worth a power struggle with a small child or with your mil? eh.
|
nta. you are the parent, your wishes were disrespected, making your job as a parent more difficult.
this is textbook nonsense, you are definitely in the right.
|
>my mil allowed my husband and i to live with her while we got our life together
>my sil and mil had shown up to the house with food for themselves as they were visiting
info: are you living at your mil's home or at your own home and mil (+sil) is visiting?
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
ESH
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null | 0.058561 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to give a little bit of background, considering my mil allowed my husband and i to live with her while we got our life together i have always had the utmost respect for her. despite being able to ignore when i felt disrespected as a parent, she has always kinda stepped on my toes in the sense of doing whatever or giving my 4 year old whatever when i have already made a decision. yesterday was one of those days. my 4 year old wanted pringle’s but didn’t want to share with his younger brother, leading to him being upset and throwing them at me when i decided to take some out to place in a another bowl for my 3 year old. i told him we don’t throw things at mommy much less food, and took them away. my sil and mil had shown up to the house with food for themselves as they were visiting, and as a part of my sons tantrum he decided to go into their bags and start taking out the food to eat it. i told him to put it back because it wasn’t his and he had food waiting for him in the micro if he was hungry (i had cooked prior to them arriving). when my sil offered to share her fries i told her no and that was that. not even five minutes later i hear my son saying “grandma i want more fries” and i look up to see him eating fries and looking my way as a “look mommy i got fries either way” and i told him “i see what you’re doing daniel” to which my mil replied “he’s hungry, he’s hungry” while she rolled her eyes. at this point i’m upset because she didn’t ask if my son could have the fries, she gave them to him when i wasn’t looking having heard i said no. i told her i didn’t appreciate her doing that and she got upset and made it seem like i was depriving my child of food when it wasn’t about her giving him the fries it was about her going against what i said. no i’m the bad person. and a bad mom because i starve my child. aita for getting upset ?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to give a little bit of background, considering my mil allowed my husband and i to live with her while we got our life together i have always had the utmost respect for her. despite being able to ignore when i felt disrespected as a parent, she has always kinda stepped on my toes in the sense of doing whatever or giving my 4 year old whatever when i have already made a decision. yesterday was one of those days. my 4 year old wanted pringle’s but didn’t want to share with his younger brother, leading to him being upset and throwing them at me when i decided to take some out to place in a another bowl for my 3 year old. i told him we don’t throw things at mommy much less food, and took them away. my sil and mil had shown up to the house with food for themselves as they were visiting, and as a part of my sons tantrum he decided to go into their bags and start taking out the food to eat it. i told him to put it back because it wasn’t his and he had food waiting for him in the micro if he was hungry (i had cooked prior to them arriving). when my sil offered to share her fries i told her no and that was that. not even five minutes later i hear my son saying “grandma i want more fries” and i look up to see him eating fries and looking my way as a “look mommy i got fries either way” and i told him “i see what you’re doing daniel” to which my mil replied “he’s hungry, he’s hungry” while she rolled her eyes. at this point i’m upset because she didn’t ask if my son could have the fries, she gave them to him when i wasn’t looking having heard i said no. i told her i didn’t appreciate her doing that and she got upset and made it seem like i was depriving my child of food when it wasn’t about her giving him the fries it was about her going against what i said. no i’m the bad person. and a bad mom because i starve my child. aita for getting upset ? [/INST] nta you're trying to teach your son proper behaviour and how to be a dectent human being but your mil is turning him into a spoiled brat if she keeps giving him everything he wants. you have every right to be upset </s>
|
AITA for refusing to show my parents my personal statement?
|
i am 17 and will be submitting my university application in a few weeks. i am currently working on my personal statement and from prior experience of my parents criticising my work, i've decided not to let them see it; i can expect them to judge it as subpar and overanalyse my phrasing for subtext, lack of tact, etc.
i also don't think that they need to see it because i'm already having my teachers give me feedback on it, and i think my teachers' feedback will be far more relevant than that of my parents, who don't know anything about the subject i'm applying for (computer science) and went to university over 3 decades ago, when the application system must have been different.
recently, my mum found out that i was working on my statement and asked to see it. i said 'it's all right, thanks'.
what ensued was a massive argument. among my parents' points were: how can i bring myself to show my personal statement to people whom i don't know well and can't trust before showing it to my own parents; my classmates are probably involving their parents in the application process and when they say that they're independent they're just lying to impress their peers; i can't be sure whether my teachers will give me good advice because i don't know whether they have my 'interest at heart'; there are some things about the university application system that haven't changed (my parents didn't specify what those things were); whenever i try to do things without my parents' involvement i mess up and they have to intervene to clear things up; it is my parents' role to give me advice and i'm taking it for granted; they need to be involved because they'll be paying my university fees (or at least they think they will be; when i said that i'd rather take out a loan, my mum got angry and said something about eligibility. i don't know what she's on about, we're not rich).
my parents seem to think that whether i take their advice will influence whether i get into university or not. another thing they've told me is that if i don't get in, i can't come back to them and complain about how they didn't advise me (as if i would). i've been told that i'm being childish, irrational, unreasonable, reckless and entitled.
my parents accuse me of making a big deal out of this, and when i reply that they were the ones who made it a big deal in the first place, they say, no, i'm the one being petty. this is turning into some kind of war of attrition. aita?
| 150 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j0p6f2/aita_for_refusing_to_show_my_parents_my_personal/
|
2020-09-27 10:52:58
|
nta
also let you in on a well known secret; most unis don’t read them. the first thing read is the grades and only then, if the grades are on the mark, the personal statement may be glanced over.
only unis where it really really matters to get it right are oxford and cambridge.
|
nta. it would have been nah if they didn't argue and guilt trip you about it.
if you are passing it onto your teachers for approval, given that they've probably seen hundreds of these, they can give you constructive feedback on it.
if your parents still push to see it or even if you want to keep the peace, you could tell them you'll show it to them once it's finished (but maybe after its been submitted).
|
nta i also grew up with a hyper critical parent. the typical "oh you got 90/100. why didnt you get the other 10?". i also didnt involve them in my university application process because i knew in their eyes i wouldnt be applying to the 'right' university etc. etc. your teachers will absolutely have your best interests at heart - i am a teacher and i can hand on heart say i want every pupil of mine to be successful in what they choose to do.
it can be hard to go against your parents, but imo you're doing the right thing by you. which, ultimately, is the only way you can approach further education. it will get hard, and if you made your choices based on your parents it is even hard to keep motivation.
hope it helps
|
nta. your parents are a pair of controlling people. they can't keep on spoon feeding you through life, you want to live your own life and you have every right to do so. even if you mess up during life (which you will) that's just how it is, if they want to be good parents they need to step out and let you make your own decisions.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am 17 and will be submitting my university application in a few weeks. i am currently working on my personal statement and from prior experience of my parents criticising my work, i've decided not to let them see it; i can expect them to judge it as subpar and overanalyse my phrasing for subtext, lack of tact, etc. i also don't think that they need to see it because i'm already having my teachers give me feedback on it, and i think my teachers' feedback will be far more relevant than that of my parents, who don't know anything about the subject i'm applying for (computer science) and went to university over 3 decades ago, when the application system must have been different. recently, my mum found out that i was working on my statement and asked to see it. i said 'it's all right, thanks'. what ensued was a massive argument. among my parents' points were: how can i bring myself to show my personal statement to people whom i don't know well and can't trust before showing it to my own parents; my classmates are probably involving their parents in the application process and when they say that they're independent they're just lying to impress their peers; i can't be sure whether my teachers will give me good advice because i don't know whether they have my 'interest at heart'; there are some things about the university application system that haven't changed (my parents didn't specify what those things were); whenever i try to do things without my parents' involvement i mess up and they have to intervene to clear things up; it is my parents' role to give me advice and i'm taking it for granted; they need to be involved because they'll be paying my university fees (or at least they think they will be; when i said that i'd rather take out a loan, my mum got angry and said something about eligibility. i don't know what she's on about, we're not rich). my parents seem to think that whether i take their advice will influence whether i get into university or not. another thing they've told me is that if i don't get in, i can't come back to them and complain about how they didn't advise me (as if i would). i've been told that i'm being childish, irrational, unreasonable, reckless and entitled. my parents accuse me of making a big deal out of this, and when i reply that they were the ones who made it a big deal in the first place, they say, no, i'm the one being petty. this is turning into some kind of war of attrition. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am 17 and will be submitting my university application in a few weeks. i am currently working on my personal statement and from prior experience of my parents criticising my work, i've decided not to let them see it; i can expect them to judge it as subpar and overanalyse my phrasing for subtext, lack of tact, etc. i also don't think that they need to see it because i'm already having my teachers give me feedback on it, and i think my teachers' feedback will be far more relevant than that of my parents, who don't know anything about the subject i'm applying for (computer science) and went to university over 3 decades ago, when the application system must have been different. recently, my mum found out that i was working on my statement and asked to see it. i said 'it's all right, thanks'. what ensued was a massive argument. among my parents' points were: how can i bring myself to show my personal statement to people whom i don't know well and can't trust before showing it to my own parents; my classmates are probably involving their parents in the application process and when they say that they're independent they're just lying to impress their peers; i can't be sure whether my teachers will give me good advice because i don't know whether they have my 'interest at heart'; there are some things about the university application system that haven't changed (my parents didn't specify what those things were); whenever i try to do things without my parents' involvement i mess up and they have to intervene to clear things up; it is my parents' role to give me advice and i'm taking it for granted; they need to be involved because they'll be paying my university fees (or at least they think they will be; when i said that i'd rather take out a loan, my mum got angry and said something about eligibility. i don't know what she's on about, we're not rich). my parents seem to think that whether i take their advice will influence whether i get into university or not. another thing they've told me is that if i don't get in, i can't come back to them and complain about how they didn't advise me (as if i would). i've been told that i'm being childish, irrational, unreasonable, reckless and entitled. my parents accuse me of making a big deal out of this, and when i reply that they were the ones who made it a big deal in the first place, they say, no, i'm the one being petty. this is turning into some kind of war of attrition. aita? [/INST] nta also let you in on a well known secret; most unis don’t read them. the first thing read is the grades and only then, if the grades are on the mark, the personal statement may be glanced over. only unis where it really really matters to get it right are oxford and cambridge. </s>
|
AITA for calling pizza driver about the weed smell on my food?
|
i just ordered a pizza and some drinks for lunch. the young man who brought it was polite and all my order was correct. however, he was reeking of weed. i kinda smiled to myself and didn’t say anything. i figured it was just a smell on his jacket. i brought my food in and realized all the boxes and even the plastic bag around my two liter also smelled really strongly. that made me suspect he was smoking on the way. i thought about it and i realized he probably doesn’t smell it any more. i didn’t want to get him in trouble, so i called and asked if i could speak to my specific driver. just in case anyone was listening, i said, “i just wanted you to know there was a strong smell on my boxes and if there’s anything in your car that might cause a weird smell, you should just be aware of that. to be clear: i’m not complaining, i just wanted to let you know.”
weed isn’t legal in my state and i just feel bad for young people who don’t know what they’re doing in life yet. i was trying to give him a heads up.
well, the kid got defensive and said he has a legal medical card and had just smoked in his car this morning. i again tried to say i was just letting him know. but i feel like i upset this perfectly nice kid and should have kept my mouth shut. so aita?
| 320 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t21yet/aita_for_calling_pizza_driver_about_the_weed/
|
2022-02-26 17:13:32
|
nta. even if it's legal, pretty sure you're not supposed to smoke and drive. you did the kid a favor by saying something to him directly and not complaining to a supervisor.
|
nta. they deliver food so they should know that cleanliness is expected. i've had a sort of similar experience where everything i ordered smelled like cigarettes.
|
nta, i take the position of smoking on the job and drinking on the job as the same. shouldn’t be at work drunk, why be at work high? i smoke too because of reasons, but i won’t go to work high or drunk. i won’t drive high or drunk either.
|
nta - who cares if it’s legal for him? cigs are legal and i wouldn’t want my food smelling like that either.
|
nah. you were trying to warn him that not everyone might be as chill as you, especially because you do not have legal weed where you live.
however, i also understand his reaction, because it is hard to know a strangers intentions in a situation like this.
|
nta
1. this could be a turn off for customers/he may get complaints about it, which may affect his job
2. the boxes are smelling of weed, which means more complaints
3. smoking weed while driving generally isn't a good idea
|
nta, he might have a legal medical care but i’m pretty sure driving whilst under the influence is still against the law. you were a lot kinder than many people would have been.
|
nta - medical card or not, he shouldn't be driving high.
|
nta
weed being legal does not mean smoking while driving. even if he stopped for a smoke, that should not be done around other people's food. he could have stepped outside the car and go on with his buisness. you did not even complain to his workplace, you spoke to him directly.
|
nta- i use weed for medical purposes and it is definitely not appropriate for others to smell it on their food!! weed shouldn’t be smoked in the car if you have to drive for your job, or just drive in general
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i just ordered a pizza and some drinks for lunch. the young man who brought it was polite and all my order was correct. however, he was reeking of weed. i kinda smiled to myself and didn’t say anything. i figured it was just a smell on his jacket. i brought my food in and realized all the boxes and even the plastic bag around my two liter also smelled really strongly. that made me suspect he was smoking on the way. i thought about it and i realized he probably doesn’t smell it any more. i didn’t want to get him in trouble, so i called and asked if i could speak to my specific driver. just in case anyone was listening, i said, “i just wanted you to know there was a strong smell on my boxes and if there’s anything in your car that might cause a weird smell, you should just be aware of that. to be clear: i’m not complaining, i just wanted to let you know.” weed isn’t legal in my state and i just feel bad for young people who don’t know what they’re doing in life yet. i was trying to give him a heads up. well, the kid got defensive and said he has a legal medical card and had just smoked in his car this morning. i again tried to say i was just letting him know. but i feel like i upset this perfectly nice kid and should have kept my mouth shut. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i just ordered a pizza and some drinks for lunch. the young man who brought it was polite and all my order was correct. however, he was reeking of weed. i kinda smiled to myself and didn’t say anything. i figured it was just a smell on his jacket. i brought my food in and realized all the boxes and even the plastic bag around my two liter also smelled really strongly. that made me suspect he was smoking on the way. i thought about it and i realized he probably doesn’t smell it any more. i didn’t want to get him in trouble, so i called and asked if i could speak to my specific driver. just in case anyone was listening, i said, “i just wanted you to know there was a strong smell on my boxes and if there’s anything in your car that might cause a weird smell, you should just be aware of that. to be clear: i’m not complaining, i just wanted to let you know.” weed isn’t legal in my state and i just feel bad for young people who don’t know what they’re doing in life yet. i was trying to give him a heads up. well, the kid got defensive and said he has a legal medical card and had just smoked in his car this morning. i again tried to say i was just letting him know. but i feel like i upset this perfectly nice kid and should have kept my mouth shut. so aita? [/INST] nta. even if it's legal, pretty sure you're not supposed to smoke and drive. you did the kid a favor by saying something to him directly and not complaining to a supervisor. </s>
|
aita for telling my moms fiance about her past
|
long, complicated story short: throughout my entire childhood and teenage years and even now i solely raised my 2 younger siblings, both from different fathers. my mother was our legal guardian, but she was never around and spent all her time and money traveling around the country doing whatever. i was 8 when i learned how to change a newborns diaper, and 13 when i got my first part time job to supplement the incredibly meager amount of money my mom left us (wasnt legal but my boss felt bad and let the little ones hang around while i worked). the important thing here is she was never a real mother to us. there were times when i didnt see her for over a month. and if anyone asks, i didnt call cps because i was scared they would take my siblings and split us all up. maybe stupid, but its not like i had anyone there to tell me otherwise. now we are all old enough that we dont need her, so im not going to contact them, please dont suggest it. also, if its relevant, my mom was very young when she had me, and early-mid 20s when she had my younger siblings (11 months apart- who even knew that was possible).
now, i live in an two bedroom (its what i can afford) with the younger two and my mom "lives" with us, but spends her time off doing whatever she does. heres the crux of the matter: she started dating a guy about a year ago that i really thought was just one of her flings, but now she's pregnant. the thing is, he's a really good guy. he also has money, which i didnt even realize until i met the dude. two days ago, she told me she is pregnant and that the guy proposed, and she obviously accepted. i was mad, but not seeing red quite yet. we all went out for dinner that night, and imagine my surprise when i come to the realization that my mother has tricked this guy into thinking she is actually capable of raising children? that she was apparently a part of our lives in any way? and what, were we just supposed to play along? thats when i lost it. i told him....everything pretty much. he was really quiet the entire time, the whole table was, and he looked really upset/sad by the end. he paid the tab and left, saying he needed time to think.
on the way home, my mom lost it. she told me i ruined her one chance at happiness and ruined my siblings chances at having finacially stable parents and a good father figure. and now she is going to have to raise a new baby all on her own (ha. haha.), and that she has changed and i wont let her grow past the person she was in the past. thinking of it that way, i feel pretty terrible that i might have ruined a chance for my babies to prosper, but at the time all i could think was "my mother is about to ruin this guys life." considering how hard things are about to get with a new baby, i honestly wonder if i should have just kept my mouth shut. so yea. aita.
| 588 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwxvk1/aita_for_telling_my_moms_fiance_about_her_past/
|
2020-06-05 04:38:53
|
nta. your mum ruined your chances of having parents who cared for you, she deserves what she got. her fiancé also deserved to know the sort of mother she has been and could have been to their child. hopefully he’ll stick around to take care of his baby.
|
nta. i’m not sure if you realize what you said, “my babies”. you have been their stability, they have seen you prosper, despite being set up to fail. you had every right to warn the boyfriend about exactly what you had to go through. she ‘changed’ because of his money, nothing else. if he comes back to her for the baby i hope he has an ironclad prenup!
|
nta. the fact you put that she lives with you in quotation marks suggests she hasn’t changed. also, after robbing you of a childhood, expecting you to lie for her about this which could possibly be very difficult without even mentioning it to you first is disgusting
|
nta, although i know some part of you probably felt good about hurting someone who hurt you so much. you did the guy a favor.
|
nta. how dare she expect you to back up her lies. at least this kid will have one parent it can count on.
|
nta
i'm just so sad over your situation. you're clearly such a kind, big-hearted person for you, even for a second, to feel bad for your "mom".
i hope that when she starts leaving that baby with you, you contact the father so he can get custody. you clearly don't want cps involved, at least make sure that baby is raised by the father (as you're saying he seems like a stand-up guy, and he would probably be open to you guys having contact with the child since you are saving him from her deceit) so you can have a life of your own soon. it saddens me to think if you spending another 18 years of your life raising another child before you even have a chance at your own life.
just in case no one's ever said this to you; thank you for taking care of your siblings. thank you for continuing to have a big heart. thank you for being strong in a terrible situation. you are bright, and kind, and resourceful. you are who you are because of you. you are strong because you decided to be so.
there was a time in my life where i had to care for my younger siblings while my mom was gone. so i understand.
stay strong.
(i feel like i need to point out; if this guy really is a good person, he's probably going to contact cps himself. if that does happen don't panic and be honest through the process. every social worker i've met does try to keep siblings together.)
|
nta. i honestly cannot comprehend why she would want to subject another innocent child to her ways when she already has you and your younger siblings.
|
nta. he needed to know the truth, and she shouldn't have lied and put you and your siblings in the position of going along with the lies
|
nta.
this is part of why i cut off my own mother.
|
nta - she was using you as a prop to make herself look good to this guy. it wasn't right and definately not fair to you. you deserve better than that.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: long, complicated story short: throughout my entire childhood and teenage years and even now i solely raised my 2 younger siblings, both from different fathers. my mother was our legal guardian, but she was never around and spent all her time and money traveling around the country doing whatever. i was 8 when i learned how to change a newborns diaper, and 13 when i got my first part time job to supplement the incredibly meager amount of money my mom left us (wasnt legal but my boss felt bad and let the little ones hang around while i worked). the important thing here is she was never a real mother to us. there were times when i didnt see her for over a month. and if anyone asks, i didnt call cps because i was scared they would take my siblings and split us all up. maybe stupid, but its not like i had anyone there to tell me otherwise. now we are all old enough that we dont need her, so im not going to contact them, please dont suggest it. also, if its relevant, my mom was very young when she had me, and early-mid 20s when she had my younger siblings (11 months apart- who even knew that was possible). now, i live in an two bedroom (its what i can afford) with the younger two and my mom "lives" with us, but spends her time off doing whatever she does. heres the crux of the matter: she started dating a guy about a year ago that i really thought was just one of her flings, but now she's pregnant. the thing is, he's a really good guy. he also has money, which i didnt even realize until i met the dude. two days ago, she told me she is pregnant and that the guy proposed, and she obviously accepted. i was mad, but not seeing red quite yet. we all went out for dinner that night, and imagine my surprise when i come to the realization that my mother has tricked this guy into thinking she is actually capable of raising children? that she was apparently a part of our lives in any way? and what, were we just supposed to play along? thats when i lost it. i told him....everything pretty much. he was really quiet the entire time, the whole table was, and he looked really upset/sad by the end. he paid the tab and left, saying he needed time to think. on the way home, my mom lost it. she told me i ruined her one chance at happiness and ruined my siblings chances at having finacially stable parents and a good father figure. and now she is going to have to raise a new baby all on her own (ha. haha.), and that she has changed and i wont let her grow past the person she was in the past. thinking of it that way, i feel pretty terrible that i might have ruined a chance for my babies to prosper, but at the time all i could think was "my mother is about to ruin this guys life." considering how hard things are about to get with a new baby, i honestly wonder if i should have just kept my mouth shut. so yea. aita.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
long, complicated story short: throughout my entire childhood and teenage years and even now i solely raised my 2 younger siblings, both from different fathers. my mother was our legal guardian, but she was never around and spent all her time and money traveling around the country doing whatever. i was 8 when i learned how to change a newborns diaper, and 13 when i got my first part time job to supplement the incredibly meager amount of money my mom left us (wasnt legal but my boss felt bad and let the little ones hang around while i worked). the important thing here is she was never a real mother to us. there were times when i didnt see her for over a month. and if anyone asks, i didnt call cps because i was scared they would take my siblings and split us all up. maybe stupid, but its not like i had anyone there to tell me otherwise. now we are all old enough that we dont need her, so im not going to contact them, please dont suggest it. also, if its relevant, my mom was very young when she had me, and early-mid 20s when she had my younger siblings (11 months apart- who even knew that was possible). now, i live in an two bedroom (its what i can afford) with the younger two and my mom "lives" with us, but spends her time off doing whatever she does. heres the crux of the matter: she started dating a guy about a year ago that i really thought was just one of her flings, but now she's pregnant. the thing is, he's a really good guy. he also has money, which i didnt even realize until i met the dude. two days ago, she told me she is pregnant and that the guy proposed, and she obviously accepted. i was mad, but not seeing red quite yet. we all went out for dinner that night, and imagine my surprise when i come to the realization that my mother has tricked this guy into thinking she is actually capable of raising children? that she was apparently a part of our lives in any way? and what, were we just supposed to play along? thats when i lost it. i told him....everything pretty much. he was really quiet the entire time, the whole table was, and he looked really upset/sad by the end. he paid the tab and left, saying he needed time to think. on the way home, my mom lost it. she told me i ruined her one chance at happiness and ruined my siblings chances at having finacially stable parents and a good father figure. and now she is going to have to raise a new baby all on her own (ha. haha.), and that she has changed and i wont let her grow past the person she was in the past. thinking of it that way, i feel pretty terrible that i might have ruined a chance for my babies to prosper, but at the time all i could think was "my mother is about to ruin this guys life." considering how hard things are about to get with a new baby, i honestly wonder if i should have just kept my mouth shut. so yea. aita. [/INST] nta. your mum ruined your chances of having parents who cared for you, she deserves what she got. her fiancé also deserved to know the sort of mother she has been and could have been to their child. hopefully he’ll stick around to take care of his baby. </s>
|
AITA for cutting of a girl from my friend group due to our age gap?
|
we met at summer camp some weeks ago and became friends, now here's the thing, im a 17 year old dude, she's quite literally 12, the only reason we even chatted was because she liked to hang out with the older folks at the camp for some reason, in the end i got everyone’s number and made a group chat but i purposefully avoided getting hers even when she offered many times, i was told by some people that upset her a lot and i was ta for that, hear me out, she’s a good person, it's just the age gap makes it awkward.
&#x200b;
aita for this?
| 255 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vxo57r/aita_for_cutting_of_a_girl_from_my_friend_group/
|
2022-07-12 22:59:27
|
nta. as a 17 year old guy, you're protecting yourself here by avoiding contact with a 12 year old girl.
|
no you’re right. don’t let kids do this. she can make friends her own age. nta.
|
nta. her parents probably would not have liked her talking to her over text either! it's for the best. the older girls in the group can talk to her individually if they want.
|
nta, and you're a decent dude. there are people that would have taken advantage of her admiration of the older kids, but you intuitively saw the situation as it is: inherently weird and potentially dangerous for her.
the people that tell you that you're the ah don't understand that "hurting" her like this is the right and only decision here. as far as i understand you didn't even directly reject her attempts at making friends, you just kinda side-stepped them. if she remembers this in a few years, she will be greatful that you pushed her towards making friends of her own age.
|
nta, in fact, you're being pretty responsible. when i was 14, i befriended a 20 y/o guy who played tennis with me. i may asked him a million times to hang out outside the tennis club and one million times he refused. one day, after i asked why we couldn't go to the movies together, he sat me down and explained to me that, while i was witty, fun and easy-going, it was not his place to have dates (even friend -dates) with me because i was too young.
of course, at 14 i felt utterly insulted. now, at 29? i feel lucky, because he had every chance to take advantage and he did the right thing. in fact, we remain friends nowadays. what this 12 y/o finds hurtful today, will see as good luck tomorrow.
|
nta. that’s a big age gap.
|
nta just tell them you were uncomfortable because she’s really young and if they want to make a chat with her they can. cause if her guardian found out it would be bad for you
|
nta. you're just covering your @$$ for good reason. maybe you should explain to her *exactly why* a 12-year-old girl and a 17-year-old guy shouldn't be close friends. she sounds like she needs to learn, and soon!
|
nta. good judgment call.
|
nta good on you for preventing a girl who was way too young from hanging out with people who are way too old to be around her. there's bound to be age appropriate things that go on, and now you could all meet up without fear of trouble.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we met at summer camp some weeks ago and became friends, now here's the thing, im a 17 year old dude, she's quite literally 12, the only reason we even chatted was because she liked to hang out with the older folks at the camp for some reason, in the end i got everyone’s number and made a group chat but i purposefully avoided getting hers even when she offered many times, i was told by some people that upset her a lot and i was ta for that, hear me out, she’s a good person, it's just the age gap makes it awkward. &#x200b; aita for this?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we met at summer camp some weeks ago and became friends, now here's the thing, im a 17 year old dude, she's quite literally 12, the only reason we even chatted was because she liked to hang out with the older folks at the camp for some reason, in the end i got everyone’s number and made a group chat but i purposefully avoided getting hers even when she offered many times, i was told by some people that upset her a lot and i was ta for that, hear me out, she’s a good person, it's just the age gap makes it awkward. &#x200b; aita for this? [/INST] nta. as a 17 year old guy, you're protecting yourself here by avoiding contact with a 12 year old girl. </s>
|
AITA for telling my friend I don't want to drive his girlfriend 5 hours to see him?
|
this guy has been my best friend for over 20 years. he lives two states away from me now. i've had a vacation planned for 2 months to come see him and kick it for 4 days for a boys weekend. starting a few months ago he started dating this girl from where i live (where he used to live as well). yesterday, 5 days before i'm supposed to leave, he has asked me to pick his girlfriend up and have her ride with me for the 5 hour drive there, hang with us the entire time, and then ride the 5 hours back with me. i told him no. am i the asshole? this was never the plan and i don't want to be a third wheel and essentially drive his girlfriend to visit him and they just hang out together the whole time and effectively just making me a personal taxi for their get together. he has been guilting me and telling me his family wants to meet this girl and she wants to visit him and i am not being flexible for not giving her a ride. what do you guys think?
| 254 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m9cn8n/aita_for_telling_my_friend_i_dont_want_to_drive/
|
2021-03-20 18:11:28
|
nta, your not a taxi. if these people want to meet her have him arrange it. your friend doesn't sound like a friend if he wants to use you as a taxi and then when you say no that should have been the end of it. does your "friend" do things like this a lot? you need to consider if you even want to be his friend and visit him
|
nta. i think you're right that your boys weekend just went down the tubes. i suppose the next question is, has your friendship? sucking this up for 4 days or having your friend stay mad at you are two rather galling choices. however, if you did go, by the end of the 4 days you'd know where your friendship stood.
|
nta she can take a bus, taxi, uber or lyft. it’s not your responsibility to get her to your friend.
|
nta. you are not a taxi service. spending your vacation being a third wheel is the exact opposite of the weekend you planned with your vacation time.
|
nta. i think these visits should be separate; time with gf and then another time with just you and your buddy. you already know how this will end up if you and gf go together. you'll be nicely asked to hang out but meanwhile, they will be joined at the hip. and gf needs to either get her own car and drive or fly to see him or heck, even take a bus. but not use you as a personal chauffeur. trust me, if you think the ride there would be bad, imagine the ride back with gf for 5 hours after you have played 3rd wheel for 4 long days, how the ride back would feel with both of you in the car? yeah, nta. wondering why your buddy can't make arrangements to come see you and/or the gf where you guys live?
|
nta. he's been guilting you when he should be the one to feel guilty for changing the boys week-end plans at the last moment and letting you down to spend time with his girlfriend. don't let him confuse you about who's a "bad friend" in this story.
|
nta - he is turning you into a personal taxi and you will totally be a third wheel. even worse if she is meeting his family too. i would rephrase it as, "i didn't realise it was that serious. i don't think it would be appropriate for me to be around because you would be trying to look after me and her at the same time and your family want to meet her. if she really wants to come down that weekend, we can reschedule."
i know you still lose your weekend with your friend, but i think that it is pretty much lost already.
with any luck he has not thought this through and will realise when you tell him this. if you say you are not a taxi driver he will get angry because no-one likes to be called thoughtless and selfish, especially when they are being those things :)
|
nta you'd absolutley be a third wheel. they are newly dating and in the honeymoon phase. give him the option to keep your plans as is or cancel and you can spend your time doing something else enjoyable.
|
nta. not only is it supposed to be a boys weekend, but you'd have to spend over 10 hours in confined space with a near stranger . awkward
|
if you do this, there will official be no reason for you to go see your friend because he will not spend any time with you.
nta
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this guy has been my best friend for over 20 years. he lives two states away from me now. i've had a vacation planned for 2 months to come see him and kick it for 4 days for a boys weekend. starting a few months ago he started dating this girl from where i live (where he used to live as well). yesterday, 5 days before i'm supposed to leave, he has asked me to pick his girlfriend up and have her ride with me for the 5 hour drive there, hang with us the entire time, and then ride the 5 hours back with me. i told him no. am i the asshole? this was never the plan and i don't want to be a third wheel and essentially drive his girlfriend to visit him and they just hang out together the whole time and effectively just making me a personal taxi for their get together. he has been guilting me and telling me his family wants to meet this girl and she wants to visit him and i am not being flexible for not giving her a ride. what do you guys think?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this guy has been my best friend for over 20 years. he lives two states away from me now. i've had a vacation planned for 2 months to come see him and kick it for 4 days for a boys weekend. starting a few months ago he started dating this girl from where i live (where he used to live as well). yesterday, 5 days before i'm supposed to leave, he has asked me to pick his girlfriend up and have her ride with me for the 5 hour drive there, hang with us the entire time, and then ride the 5 hours back with me. i told him no. am i the asshole? this was never the plan and i don't want to be a third wheel and essentially drive his girlfriend to visit him and they just hang out together the whole time and effectively just making me a personal taxi for their get together. he has been guilting me and telling me his family wants to meet this girl and she wants to visit him and i am not being flexible for not giving her a ride. what do you guys think? [/INST] nta, your not a taxi. if these people want to meet her have him arrange it. your friend doesn't sound like a friend if he wants to use you as a taxi and then when you say no that should have been the end of it. does your "friend" do things like this a lot? you need to consider if you even want to be his friend and visit him </s>
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend that when we have kids they will have my surname and not be double barrelled?
|
backstory: i’ll try and make this as non-biased as possible.
this conversation came up very early in our relationship. i told her from the start that i want my children to have my surname and i didn’t want any hyphenation. it was a short lived talk but it seemed like she understood. we have rarely ever had arguments in our relationship (could count them on 1 hand!) and we are solid ‘life partners’. this conversation came up again last night which became a little heated. she didn’t realise how strongly i felt about this and i didn’t realise the same with her.
she doesn’t want her family name to die (from her step father) as all his children are women and have not given the name to their children or kept it themselves. ever since i wanted children i have always wanted them to take my surname, i’ve never seen it any other way. i understand this is selfish but i had made it clear from the get-go this was what i wanted.
in the end she ‘gave in’ and said i can take it but did say various comments about me being stubborn and never compromising. in my head this is one of the very few things that i am dead set on…. but now it’s got me questioning if i am just a stubborn piece of shit usually, i don’t feel it is though.
am i the asshole? do i need to compromise? i think if i did double barrel the surname i would start to despise the name/children and it wouldn’t be healthy for any of the relationships. i know this seems rather silly but it means a lot to me.
| 3,781 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b82y1l/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_when_we_have/
|
2019-04-01 14:16:35
|
yta
> i think if i did double barrel the surname i would start to despise the name/children and it wouldn’t be healthy for any of the relationships.
this makes you the asshole.
wtf is wrong with you? you'd resent children for a name they had no say in, just because it wasn't only yours.
they (when they exist) are people. not your personal property with your name tattooed on their butts.
wtf. seriously.
|
yta because you don’t “tell” a partner “this is how it’s going to be and that’s it” regarding a major life decision. you discuss it and compromise. you both feel strongly about this. you have your views, she has hers. she’s not a pet or an object you own, you don’t get to dictate to her.
|
yta. if your children having a hyphenated surname would cause you to despise them, you have some serious issues you need to work out.
|
yta. you expect your girlfriend to agree with you when this is as important to her as it is to you. double names won't hurt the child and both of you can give their name to the next generation. if you really think you would despise your children because of a fucking name you shouldn't have kids in the first place though.
|
yta if you can't come up with a reason other than "i've never seen it any other way" and "i would start to despise the children". your girlfriend has valid reasons. what are your valid reasons? these are nonsense reasons.
|
yta
how can you simultaneously say that it's silly but also that you'd hate/despise your children if you don't get your way? that immediately makes it not silly.
also her reason for wanting her kids to have her last name seems way more pressing than yours, also she's not the one claiming their full surname.
so ofcourse yta on this, she made a reasonable request which in itself is a compromise (one of the most famous ones actually) and you completely shut it down because you *need* to happen what you want to happen a 100% instead of 50%. why is your opinion worth more than hers here?
|
yta
jesus fucking christ yta. why hasnt she left you yet?
|
yta.
> ever since i wanted children i have always wanted them to take my surname, i’ve never seen it any other way.
her too, but apparently, you think your wishes are more important than hers. or any kind of compromise, or share, in which hey, the kids *could* have both names.
you're definitely the asshole.
> i think if i did double barrel the surname i would start to despise the name/children and it wouldn’t be healthy for any of the relationships.
also, apparently, you are incredibly shallow and would be a terrible father. you shouldn't have children if anything small or large (and this? is small) could make you "despise" them.
seriously. don't. your girlfriend should dump you and find a new "life partner" who respects her wishes, is capable of compromise, and wouldn't despise his own children.
|
yta. which statement sounds more like something an asshole would say?
a) our children will have my surname and my surname only, and if they don't i will despise them.
b) it's important to me that our children will have your surname *and* my surname, and if they don't my father's name will be lost forever.
do you see it?
|
yta. your post reaks of "i'm the man, do as i say" bullshit.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: backstory: i’ll try and make this as non-biased as possible. this conversation came up very early in our relationship. i told her from the start that i want my children to have my surname and i didn’t want any hyphenation. it was a short lived talk but it seemed like she understood. we have rarely ever had arguments in our relationship (could count them on 1 hand!) and we are solid ‘life partners’. this conversation came up again last night which became a little heated. she didn’t realise how strongly i felt about this and i didn’t realise the same with her. she doesn’t want her family name to die (from her step father) as all his children are women and have not given the name to their children or kept it themselves. ever since i wanted children i have always wanted them to take my surname, i’ve never seen it any other way. i understand this is selfish but i had made it clear from the get-go this was what i wanted. in the end she ‘gave in’ and said i can take it but did say various comments about me being stubborn and never compromising. in my head this is one of the very few things that i am dead set on…. but now it’s got me questioning if i am just a stubborn piece of shit usually, i don’t feel it is though. am i the asshole? do i need to compromise? i think if i did double barrel the surname i would start to despise the name/children and it wouldn’t be healthy for any of the relationships. i know this seems rather silly but it means a lot to me.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
backstory: i’ll try and make this as non-biased as possible. this conversation came up very early in our relationship. i told her from the start that i want my children to have my surname and i didn’t want any hyphenation. it was a short lived talk but it seemed like she understood. we have rarely ever had arguments in our relationship (could count them on 1 hand!) and we are solid ‘life partners’. this conversation came up again last night which became a little heated. she didn’t realise how strongly i felt about this and i didn’t realise the same with her. she doesn’t want her family name to die (from her step father) as all his children are women and have not given the name to their children or kept it themselves. ever since i wanted children i have always wanted them to take my surname, i’ve never seen it any other way. i understand this is selfish but i had made it clear from the get-go this was what i wanted. in the end she ‘gave in’ and said i can take it but did say various comments about me being stubborn and never compromising. in my head this is one of the very few things that i am dead set on…. but now it’s got me questioning if i am just a stubborn piece of shit usually, i don’t feel it is though. am i the asshole? do i need to compromise? i think if i did double barrel the surname i would start to despise the name/children and it wouldn’t be healthy for any of the relationships. i know this seems rather silly but it means a lot to me. [/INST] yta > i think if i did double barrel the surname i would start to despise the name/children and it wouldn’t be healthy for any of the relationships. this makes you the asshole. wtf is wrong with you? you'd resent children for a name they had no say in, just because it wasn't only yours. they (when they exist) are people. not your personal property with your name tattooed on their butts. wtf. seriously. </s>
|
AITA for laughing at a sign language interpreter's facial expressions?
| 1,638 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t0ip1u/aita_for_laughing_at_a_sign_language_interpreters/
|
2022-02-24 19:06:14
|
yta
insisting someone be "nice" before you listen to legitimate feedback is classic deflection. someone tried to help you out by privately telling you how you could do better.
|
yta.
1. for laughing aloud at the interpreter. you knew it wasn't appropriate.
2. for what you said to her in response. your mocked her native language, and instead of an apology, you shoved your ego in her face and gave her a bad attitude.
|
>i told her to be a little nicer about it and maybe i'd take her points into consideration
yta you laughed at how people convey tone in her language but you are tone policing her.
>she has hearing aids, so it's not like she's actually deaf.
also, yta for that. my goodness you know nothing
|
oh, by the way, why did you put “native language “ in scare quotes? is it because you don’t believe asl is a language? or that it’s some kind of pretend semi-language? educate yourself on this. it is a complete language with it’s own grammar and syntax. it is not merely english transcribed into signs.
|
yta
my little sister is deaf, this person seriously did you a favor by not putting you on blast in public. this is how adults give feedback, privately, you should learn that now. it is one thing to just not understand why someone using asl is making exaggerated expressions, but it is another thing to learn that information and then spit on it.
here’s another asl lesson for you, not only are facial expressions exaggerated but so are the signs themselves. a sign can have an entirely new or more/less impactful meaning based on how the sign is signed. easy example, for the sign for ‘angry’ when done more aggressively you are basically expressing just how pissed you are. think of it like throwing your hands in the air from frustration, like how frustrating it can be for someone who is deaf to have to explain to some ignorant child how asl works to only have that ignorant child continue to act defensive. you are not the first or last ah that person will deal with.
|
when you offend a whole group of people, you don’t get to throw a fit about their tone. you’re lucky they didn’t call you out in front of the class. you would have deserved it. the proper response you should have given was “i had no idea why they made faces, i appreciate the education. i am very sorry for laughing. it won’t happen again.” then wish her a good day and leave her alone. instead you decided to tone police her when she was making a valid statement that needed to be said. yta for laughing and an even bigger ass for the way you treated her when she corrected your behavior. i really hope if you see her again you apologize for the way you acted.
|
>"that's how we convey tone. you really think we sit around making faces just to make you hearing people laugh at us?" i told her to be a little nicer about it and maybe i'd take her points into consideration
how exactly was this a mean way of saying it? i think it was perfectly reasonable. yta. if you giggled fine whatever not a big deal but once she explained it to you the proper response should have been i hadn't thought about it that way or that's not what i think it was just funny to me but i understand that that's insensitive. she wasn't yelling at you lol she was trying to get her point across which you clearly ignored because you felt attacked.
|
yta, do you laugh at people in wheelchairs or with walkers? is that blind guys cane hilarious?
|
yta.
1. you acted extremely immature.
2. you made fun of something you didn't understand and had no right to.
3. when corrected you still acted immature.
4. you told a 50-year-old woman she acted like a child when she politely and quietly corrected you without lambasting your ass all over the class as she had every right to? who's the child here? it sure isn't her.
you are a huge ta. if you have any decency, you will apologize. period.
|
yta
you laughed at a disabled person’s facial expressions, got called out by another disabled person, told her she was right, but that you’d only be willing to “take her points into consideration” if she acted the way you thought she should act when calling you out. and despite considering your behavior a mistake, you called her a name (btw it was you acting like a child, not her), and literally refused to apologize. oh, after gaslighting her (she’s still deaf even though she uses hearing aids, just like someone is still a paraplegic even though they use a wheelchair, and just like someone is still a diabetic even if they take insulin) and invalidating her disability because you have “slightly muffled hearing” in one ear.
so, since maybe you also have slightly muffled understanding, you’re the asshole at every single turn.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] yta insisting someone be "nice" before you listen to legitimate feedback is classic deflection. someone tried to help you out by privately telling you how you could do better. </s>
|
|
AITA for saying that a lot of people do drink when they are pregnant?
|
so this happened a couple of weekends ago and it's bothering me, so i'd like you wonderful internet strangers to set me right.
we had a friendly get together that weekend and one of my friends is pregnant. jason (my friend, fake name) who is on his way to becoming a doctor did the math and realized that catherine was pregnant over the holidays while she was drinking and catherine said that she didn't know she was pregnant at the time. he started going at how if her and her husband we trying, she should not have been drinking and how irresponsible it is to drink to the point where she started crying. catherine tried to explain to him that she didn't know and that they were trying for 2 years but she couldn't just abstain from drinking until they eventually got pregnant (if they ever did).
my husband and i have been trying for 11 months (no-one knows) and i stopped drinking, gave up eating certain foods and was very careful with my body for the first three months but giving up certain aspects of your life in hopes of something that may or may not happen is very taxing mentally, it just leads to a lot more sadness when you find out you're not pregnant month after month, so i totally understood where she came from. during the holidays she would have been maybe a month along at most (maybe a couple of weeks). i told jason that he's being an asshole because a lot of women drink while trying and some drink in early pregnancy because they don't know that they are. i even explained i had a friend drink for the first 3 months of her pregnancy because she didn't know and was still getting her periods, it happens. most of the group starting turning on us and saying that it's ridiculously stupid to say such a thing, and that i probably should try to have a baby until i can give up the little things in life.
we are all aged 28-32.
aita here?
&#x200b;
| 255 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cjh0go/aita_for_saying_that_a_lot_of_people_do_drink/
|
2019-07-29 20:35:26
|
nta. do all these people think every unexpected child has fas? no. clearly people drink during early pregnancy because they’re not expecting to be pregnant all the time and those kids overwhelmingly turn out okay.
edited for clarity.
|
well at least jason is an asshole, that much is clear. gonna a be great doctor, excellent bedside manner, tens across the board. i hope he's not planning on having kids.
nta.
some women get pregnant just walking through a meadow, picking flowers, having sex once, no abstention required. some try for a decade. that's kind of how our lives work out. also jason is an asshole.
|
nta, jason sounds like one of *those* doctors. catherine presumably has her own doctor who actually knows the condition of her specific pregnancy and can give her all the info necessary for her to have. making a pregnant woman cry at a friendly get-together so you can flaunt your moral superiority? you can go shave your back now, jason.
has no one in your friend group heard of the show i didn't know i was pregnant? you're absolutely right that some women drink early on without realizing they're pregnant. it's just a fact, it's not like you were saying women who know they're pregnant should be throwing back cocktails.
|
nta-uh wow. the people in your circles are ta.
&#x200b;
fertility is stressful. and honestly, it is no one's business what someones fertility journey entails. to shame someone who is probably already going through a difficult time trying to conceive is just absolutely appalling to me and it infuriates me that people have judged in this way.
&#x200b;
i'm ttc. have been for a while and am having trouble. i went to my midwife about it and she essentially told me to go back to the way i was before trying. she said that all this tracking and abstaining from things is stressing me out too much. sometimes you need to relax to get things working again. and eating and drinking what you want is a good way to relax. the only thing she recommended was that i continue to take prenatal vitamins. that's it. i can drink alcohol, i can eat a cheeseburger.
once you get a positive pregnancy test, stop. but to judge someone's lifestyle while on this journey just pisses me off.
|
nta
people seriously need to stop telling pregnant women want they can and can’t do. first of all, she can’t un-drink that booze, and the stress dr. a-hole is inflicting is probably worse for the fetus anyway. second, there’s a lot of conflicting research on whether drinking early in pregnancy has any effect on the embryo. there have been millions of perfectly healthy babies born whose moms had a couple glasses of wine before they knew they were pregnant. her baby is probably fine.
trying to conceive can be a really difficult time. this “behave like you’re pregnant” while ttc mindset just makes it worse.
|
nta
fetal alcohol syndrome occurs with excessive alcohol amounts. since we don’t know how much is too much, the safest option would be to cut it out. [source](https://americanpregnancy.org/is-it-safe/wine-during-pregnancy/)
realistically, i think a lot of women do drink very early in their pregnancy, up until they find out they’re pregnant. at a month in, she’d really only be pregnant for 2 weeks at most and the fetus wouldn’t be sharing blood supply with the mom yet.
what’s the game plan for infertile couples? just never drink again?
and what’s jason’s suggestion for her? go back in time? abort the baby now? like ?????
|
nta. women aren't even pregnant in the first two weeks of their pregnancy countdown. so really women of childbearing age just shouldn't drink? makes no sense.
|
nta
they didn’t listen to you. they heard “pregnant” and “drinking” and let their emotions get the best of them. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with it as long as you stop once you know you’re pregnant and at long as you refrain if you’re intensely trying, like seeing a fertility doctor or tracking ovulation and stuff like that. other than that, life must goes on and it seems like a double standard to think women shouldn’t drink at all while it’s a possibility to get pregnant.
|
nta. your doctor-in-training friend was a *huge* jackass to your other friends by trying to publicly shame them for an honest mistake. all the people who turned on you were being a bunch of condescending douchebags too. some people just get off on putting other people down, and these people sound pretty damn toxic.
|
nta
drink👏🏻til👏🏻it's👏🏻pink
while my husband and i were trying i still drank. i took a pregnancy test before i went out drinking once and it came back neg. got a little drunk. then 4 days later, took another one because thanksgiving was the next day (my periods were wonky after i got off the pill, so i couldn't really use that as an indicator) and bam. two pink lines.
i felt a little guilty until my mom told me she got really really drunk the weekend before she found out she was preg with me and she was further along than i was when i found out (her 6 weeks along vs my 3). i'm aight.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so this happened a couple of weekends ago and it's bothering me, so i'd like you wonderful internet strangers to set me right. we had a friendly get together that weekend and one of my friends is pregnant. jason (my friend, fake name) who is on his way to becoming a doctor did the math and realized that catherine was pregnant over the holidays while she was drinking and catherine said that she didn't know she was pregnant at the time. he started going at how if her and her husband we trying, she should not have been drinking and how irresponsible it is to drink to the point where she started crying. catherine tried to explain to him that she didn't know and that they were trying for 2 years but she couldn't just abstain from drinking until they eventually got pregnant (if they ever did). my husband and i have been trying for 11 months (no-one knows) and i stopped drinking, gave up eating certain foods and was very careful with my body for the first three months but giving up certain aspects of your life in hopes of something that may or may not happen is very taxing mentally, it just leads to a lot more sadness when you find out you're not pregnant month after month, so i totally understood where she came from. during the holidays she would have been maybe a month along at most (maybe a couple of weeks). i told jason that he's being an asshole because a lot of women drink while trying and some drink in early pregnancy because they don't know that they are. i even explained i had a friend drink for the first 3 months of her pregnancy because she didn't know and was still getting her periods, it happens. most of the group starting turning on us and saying that it's ridiculously stupid to say such a thing, and that i probably should try to have a baby until i can give up the little things in life. we are all aged 28-32. aita here? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so this happened a couple of weekends ago and it's bothering me, so i'd like you wonderful internet strangers to set me right. we had a friendly get together that weekend and one of my friends is pregnant. jason (my friend, fake name) who is on his way to becoming a doctor did the math and realized that catherine was pregnant over the holidays while she was drinking and catherine said that she didn't know she was pregnant at the time. he started going at how if her and her husband we trying, she should not have been drinking and how irresponsible it is to drink to the point where she started crying. catherine tried to explain to him that she didn't know and that they were trying for 2 years but she couldn't just abstain from drinking until they eventually got pregnant (if they ever did). my husband and i have been trying for 11 months (no-one knows) and i stopped drinking, gave up eating certain foods and was very careful with my body for the first three months but giving up certain aspects of your life in hopes of something that may or may not happen is very taxing mentally, it just leads to a lot more sadness when you find out you're not pregnant month after month, so i totally understood where she came from. during the holidays she would have been maybe a month along at most (maybe a couple of weeks). i told jason that he's being an asshole because a lot of women drink while trying and some drink in early pregnancy because they don't know that they are. i even explained i had a friend drink for the first 3 months of her pregnancy because she didn't know and was still getting her periods, it happens. most of the group starting turning on us and saying that it's ridiculously stupid to say such a thing, and that i probably should try to have a baby until i can give up the little things in life. we are all aged 28-32. aita here? &#x200b; [/INST] nta. do all these people think every unexpected child has fas? no. clearly people drink during early pregnancy because they’re not expecting to be pregnant all the time and those kids overwhelmingly turn out okay. edited for clarity. </s>
|
AITA for not selling a bed to someone even though they had cash in hand?
|
this happened a couple of hours ago and i am rattled. i can’t decide if i was in the wrong here.
relevant information: my husband and i both work full time hours, we have two small children. my outdoor area is directly connected to my garage, so in essence there is no garage, just a roller door to my patio and the back of my house.
my husband and i decided to sell a large mattress and bed frame to get it out of our house. the thing is pristine; the person we bought it for never used it and it’s just been sitting taking up space. so i listed it on a marketplace for a ridiculously low price to get rid of it. i had about 15 requests in the first couple of hours. so in order to be fair i went with the first person that came through, a young woman (yw).
yw asked where we were located, and because it was quite a drive to us we knocked money off the asking price for “gas” as she said.
i held the bed for over a week for her to arrange someone to get it. finally her uncle was going to come retrieve it this evening. the agreed time was between 6pm and 7pm. i gave her my address and my phone number, and she said her uncle would call me when they were close.
at 6pm i put my dog away into his kennel, dismantled the frame, moved the mattress and bed frame out into “the garage”, covered it with drop sheets to protect it from the elements and went inside to make dinner and wait for them to arrive.
at 7pm i sent yw a message asking where they were. she said she would call them. after that, nothing. at 8pm i sent her a message saying i was sorry but they had well and truly missed their pickup window and i was going to move onto the next buyer. we moved the bed back inside so we could let the dog back out to run.
at 8:30 yw messaged me to say that they were on their way. i again told her no, they had missed their window and i would not be bringing the bed back out. at 8:45 they arrived on my driveway and started pounding on my garage door, looking for the bed. we went out and told them no and they needed to leave.
after they left yw started ringing me repeatedly and blowing up my phone with messages about how she was sorry and they have the cash right now and they weren’t able to pick up the truck until 7:30 and that’s why they were late.
after i told her no again, she reamed me out for wasting their time and their money.
so, i guess was i wrong to turn them away? it was well dark by the time they arrived. both my kids were asleep. it would have involved trying to manoeuvre the damn thing back out in the dark and load it in the dark.
if they had let me know they were going to be late, we could have made arrangements. they had my number.
| 1,478 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zg0uxc/aita_for_not_selling_a_bed_to_someone_even_though/
|
2022-12-08 14:42:19
|
nta. i’ve had people flake on me for free items. they’re not entitled to anything especially if they can’t be bothered to answer or communicate like an adult.
you’re not required to sell your things to anyone. a little communication goes a long way.
|
nta
>so, i guess was i wrong to turn them away?
haha, no. you held this thing for a week for them and they couldn't bother to show up between 6-7 or to call you and say they'd be late or to respond to your message for 90 minutes.
honestly, your first mistake here was knocking anything off the price for "gas." that sent the wrong message that you would accommodate their drama.
|
nta.
and don't give discounts because someone has a long drive. stores don't do that. i've never been in a costco that said, "oh you live 45 minutes away? here's 10% off just because you came all the way down here." the nicer you are, the more people think they can walk all over you.
|
nta - you agreed on a time and she didn’t show up. you also told her not to come and she didn’t listen
|
nta - but this was kind of like cutting off your nose to spite your face if your main objective is to get rid of the bed.
|
nta. if there's an agreed upon time for an appointment and they miss it, that's their problem. you're not obligated to accommodate their schedule changes with no notice.
|
nta. you were very clear in your messages and they decided to do what they wanted anyway. i would have done the same. there were some red flags about this situation that you were wise to pay attention to.
|
nta, i got nervous reading this from the start. always be cautious with people coming to your house from the internet, check out your multiple offers and go with who seems trustworthy and not the first person to reply, don't hold for an excessive time unless they seem worth it or you have no other offers, and don't sell low unless you immediately need the money/space because you're opening yourself up to scammers and shitheads. i can't believe the people suggesting you open your door to strangers who drove to your house after telling them not to then started pounding your door, just to 'get rid of the bed'. even if they didn't get physically violent they definitely would have just screamed at you. i've been in desperate need of money and still turned down offers on craigslist for my own safety and i would hope those people would do the same.
|
nta. if she was getting this bed for a steal, you would think she would make especially sure she would get there on time, and if not, let you know she was going to be late. in fact, i would argue you holding a big item like that for a whole week is already a damn good favour as i know a lot of people selling things would want it gone asap. def nta.
|
nta. you were very accommodating and she blew her chance.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened a couple of hours ago and i am rattled. i can’t decide if i was in the wrong here. relevant information: my husband and i both work full time hours, we have two small children. my outdoor area is directly connected to my garage, so in essence there is no garage, just a roller door to my patio and the back of my house. my husband and i decided to sell a large mattress and bed frame to get it out of our house. the thing is pristine; the person we bought it for never used it and it’s just been sitting taking up space. so i listed it on a marketplace for a ridiculously low price to get rid of it. i had about 15 requests in the first couple of hours. so in order to be fair i went with the first person that came through, a young woman (yw). yw asked where we were located, and because it was quite a drive to us we knocked money off the asking price for “gas” as she said. i held the bed for over a week for her to arrange someone to get it. finally her uncle was going to come retrieve it this evening. the agreed time was between 6pm and 7pm. i gave her my address and my phone number, and she said her uncle would call me when they were close. at 6pm i put my dog away into his kennel, dismantled the frame, moved the mattress and bed frame out into “the garage”, covered it with drop sheets to protect it from the elements and went inside to make dinner and wait for them to arrive. at 7pm i sent yw a message asking where they were. she said she would call them. after that, nothing. at 8pm i sent her a message saying i was sorry but they had well and truly missed their pickup window and i was going to move onto the next buyer. we moved the bed back inside so we could let the dog back out to run. at 8:30 yw messaged me to say that they were on their way. i again told her no, they had missed their window and i would not be bringing the bed back out. at 8:45 they arrived on my driveway and started pounding on my garage door, looking for the bed. we went out and told them no and they needed to leave. after they left yw started ringing me repeatedly and blowing up my phone with messages about how she was sorry and they have the cash right now and they weren’t able to pick up the truck until 7:30 and that’s why they were late. after i told her no again, she reamed me out for wasting their time and their money. so, i guess was i wrong to turn them away? it was well dark by the time they arrived. both my kids were asleep. it would have involved trying to manoeuvre the damn thing back out in the dark and load it in the dark. if they had let me know they were going to be late, we could have made arrangements. they had my number.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened a couple of hours ago and i am rattled. i can’t decide if i was in the wrong here. relevant information: my husband and i both work full time hours, we have two small children. my outdoor area is directly connected to my garage, so in essence there is no garage, just a roller door to my patio and the back of my house. my husband and i decided to sell a large mattress and bed frame to get it out of our house. the thing is pristine; the person we bought it for never used it and it’s just been sitting taking up space. so i listed it on a marketplace for a ridiculously low price to get rid of it. i had about 15 requests in the first couple of hours. so in order to be fair i went with the first person that came through, a young woman (yw). yw asked where we were located, and because it was quite a drive to us we knocked money off the asking price for “gas” as she said. i held the bed for over a week for her to arrange someone to get it. finally her uncle was going to come retrieve it this evening. the agreed time was between 6pm and 7pm. i gave her my address and my phone number, and she said her uncle would call me when they were close. at 6pm i put my dog away into his kennel, dismantled the frame, moved the mattress and bed frame out into “the garage”, covered it with drop sheets to protect it from the elements and went inside to make dinner and wait for them to arrive. at 7pm i sent yw a message asking where they were. she said she would call them. after that, nothing. at 8pm i sent her a message saying i was sorry but they had well and truly missed their pickup window and i was going to move onto the next buyer. we moved the bed back inside so we could let the dog back out to run. at 8:30 yw messaged me to say that they were on their way. i again told her no, they had missed their window and i would not be bringing the bed back out. at 8:45 they arrived on my driveway and started pounding on my garage door, looking for the bed. we went out and told them no and they needed to leave. after they left yw started ringing me repeatedly and blowing up my phone with messages about how she was sorry and they have the cash right now and they weren’t able to pick up the truck until 7:30 and that’s why they were late. after i told her no again, she reamed me out for wasting their time and their money. so, i guess was i wrong to turn them away? it was well dark by the time they arrived. both my kids were asleep. it would have involved trying to manoeuvre the damn thing back out in the dark and load it in the dark. if they had let me know they were going to be late, we could have made arrangements. they had my number. [/INST] nta. i’ve had people flake on me for free items. they’re not entitled to anything especially if they can’t be bothered to answer or communicate like an adult. you’re not required to sell your things to anyone. a little communication goes a long way. </s>
|
AITA For playing the sexism card as a male
|
i work in an office where i’m one of the youngest and lowest level employees along with two others.
being one of the low level staff i get asked to do a lot of admin/odd jobs that aren’t anything to do with my job role.
this has never really bothered me while i was the only one at my my level & being the youngest (22) and hypothetically the fittest, however, a few months ago my work hired two girls my age at my level.
i initially thought great someone to share the load of “crap jobs” with so i can focus more on my actual work. boy was i wrong
whenever it came time to lift a box or screw in a lightbulb i was always the only option,they aren’t allowed to lift a finger and my boss justifies it as “being a gentleman”
which to me seems like bullshit
i don’t expect them to be able to do everything, there are some boxes i can hardly lift but they could at least help with the small ones or the other jobs.
i’m not the strongest either and coupled with the fact i have never had any manual handling training i have done my back in a few times which would have been easily avoided by sharing the job with someone else.
so anyway we had our annual staff review this week and i decided to ask what the deal was and whether i could split the work.
i first said that i felt lower than everyone else and i felt it unfair that i was the only one asked to do these jobs despite there being two others at my level.
my boss couldn’t comprehend this.
he said “you dont expect the girls to do this do you?” to which i said “yes and i find it quite sexist”
you might expect my argument to have been that they were being sexist towards women by saying they can’t do something, actually i went the other way and said they were being sexist towards me for giving me less favourable and harder jobs for being a male
to an old conservative man in england, any notion being “p.c” must be like a slap round the face and he basically laughed me out the door
i don’t really know what i’m gonna do next tbh
edit for context:
this is a relatively small office (30staff) with no hr department, if you have a concern you have to go straight to the boss
| 9,659 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bgta8v/aita_for_playing_the_sexism_card_as_a_male/
|
2019-04-24 11:10:03
|
nta - it is sexist but unfortunately only women can claim sexism. men just get get laughed at.
|
nta. it is sexist. and this mindset harms both men and women.
|
nta - your boss sounds like an arse. do you all have the same job title? if so, does your company have its own hr department? if so then i would go directly through them.
|
nta. as far as i'm concerned, this is sexist both ways. it's sexist towards the women to imply they can't/shouldn't do that kind of work and it's sexist to you to have to do this work because you're a man.
|
nta- it is clear they are being sexist towards both you and the girls. the boss laughing at you is insanely unprofessional and i doubt that he is the type to change his views. since you mention that there is no hr department in the comments, it might be worth looking in to a different job once you have some experience. i have the feeling that this will (unjustly) alter his opinion of you.
i wonder how the girls feel about this. i'm female and i was once in a position where they gave certain jobs (that i could have handled just fine) to guys and i felt annoyed by it. like they saw me as incompetent. when i said that i was fine to do it they pulled the whole "just let the guys handle it" thing. it was dismissive and rude.
|
nta. women can change a lightbulb, that really is sexist.
|
> my boss justifies it as “being a gentleman”
tell him if "being a gentleman" is being added to your job description and comes with additional duties, then you want a raise to reflect it.
nta
|
info does your company have an hr dept? i wouldn't have started down this route tbh, but the manager laughing at you for it is really unprofessional
|
nta, that is sexism why they’re doing. idk how it is in the u.k., but if there is a labor board you could complain to them, or to hr.
|
nta
especially the "being a gentleman" and "you don't expect the girls to do this" comments, as well as the final reaction from the boss, easily cement this as sexism. unfortunately sexism against men is hardly taken seriously, but that is not going to change unless people start calling it out, so you did the right thing by doing just that.
unfortunately, there's probably not really much you can do about it. if you continue working there, make sure to start documenting such incidents, even if it's just keeping a personal journal of them. and especially of any injuries - if you're hurting your back lifting things, then they are too heavy to be handled by a single person. always go to the doctor if things like that happen again, and make sure to explain the problem started from lifting heavy objects at work. you want to have a paper trail documenting incidents like this, just in case.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work in an office where i’m one of the youngest and lowest level employees along with two others. being one of the low level staff i get asked to do a lot of admin/odd jobs that aren’t anything to do with my job role. this has never really bothered me while i was the only one at my my level & being the youngest (22) and hypothetically the fittest, however, a few months ago my work hired two girls my age at my level. i initially thought great someone to share the load of “crap jobs” with so i can focus more on my actual work. boy was i wrong whenever it came time to lift a box or screw in a lightbulb i was always the only option,they aren’t allowed to lift a finger and my boss justifies it as “being a gentleman” which to me seems like bullshit i don’t expect them to be able to do everything, there are some boxes i can hardly lift but they could at least help with the small ones or the other jobs. i’m not the strongest either and coupled with the fact i have never had any manual handling training i have done my back in a few times which would have been easily avoided by sharing the job with someone else. so anyway we had our annual staff review this week and i decided to ask what the deal was and whether i could split the work. i first said that i felt lower than everyone else and i felt it unfair that i was the only one asked to do these jobs despite there being two others at my level. my boss couldn’t comprehend this. he said “you dont expect the girls to do this do you?” to which i said “yes and i find it quite sexist” you might expect my argument to have been that they were being sexist towards women by saying they can’t do something, actually i went the other way and said they were being sexist towards me for giving me less favourable and harder jobs for being a male to an old conservative man in england, any notion being “p.c” must be like a slap round the face and he basically laughed me out the door i don’t really know what i’m gonna do next tbh edit for context: this is a relatively small office (30staff) with no hr department, if you have a concern you have to go straight to the boss
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i work in an office where i’m one of the youngest and lowest level employees along with two others. being one of the low level staff i get asked to do a lot of admin/odd jobs that aren’t anything to do with my job role. this has never really bothered me while i was the only one at my my level & being the youngest (22) and hypothetically the fittest, however, a few months ago my work hired two girls my age at my level. i initially thought great someone to share the load of “crap jobs” with so i can focus more on my actual work. boy was i wrong whenever it came time to lift a box or screw in a lightbulb i was always the only option,they aren’t allowed to lift a finger and my boss justifies it as “being a gentleman” which to me seems like bullshit i don’t expect them to be able to do everything, there are some boxes i can hardly lift but they could at least help with the small ones or the other jobs. i’m not the strongest either and coupled with the fact i have never had any manual handling training i have done my back in a few times which would have been easily avoided by sharing the job with someone else. so anyway we had our annual staff review this week and i decided to ask what the deal was and whether i could split the work. i first said that i felt lower than everyone else and i felt it unfair that i was the only one asked to do these jobs despite there being two others at my level. my boss couldn’t comprehend this. he said “you dont expect the girls to do this do you?” to which i said “yes and i find it quite sexist” you might expect my argument to have been that they were being sexist towards women by saying they can’t do something, actually i went the other way and said they were being sexist towards me for giving me less favourable and harder jobs for being a male to an old conservative man in england, any notion being “p.c” must be like a slap round the face and he basically laughed me out the door i don’t really know what i’m gonna do next tbh edit for context: this is a relatively small office (30staff) with no hr department, if you have a concern you have to go straight to the boss [/INST] nta - it is sexist but unfortunately only women can claim sexism. men just get get laughed at. </s>
|
AITA for going off on my parents for making inappropriate sexual comments about me?
|
i (22f) came out as a lesbian to my mom and stepdad (40f and 37m), though they told me that they knew long before i told them.
however, every time i’ve come home from college since, my parents have made super inappropriate jokes about my sexuality and i’ve made it clear multiple times that it makes me super uncomfortable (especially because i’m asexual and sex-repulsed, it genuinely makes me feel sick).
i can’t remember how this conversation started, but had something to do with making seafood for dinner, and my mom said, “don’t you already eat enough clams?” and my dad started laughing. i’d finally had enough and told them that if they kept doing this weird, vaguely-homophobic shit then i’d stop coming home at all, and that it’s fucking gross to make these jokes about your daughter in the first place.
my parents are now treating me like i was the asshole “blowing up” and making my mom feel like a shitty parent. i still feel like i was rightfully upset. was i actually the asshole here?
**edit 1:** edited because “preferences” is not the right term for my sexual orientation. being gay is super not a choice. maybe my unconscious wording’s a result of the bad parenting.
**edit 2:** a good chunk of the comments here are asking me how i’m a lesbian and asexual at the same time, which wasn’t really the point of the post, but okay. i explained it a few times throughout the discussion, but at this point i don’t want to keep copy and pasting so, here’s the explanation:
the asexual split attraction model splits your attractions into romantic and sexual. if i use the technical term, i’m a homoromantic asexual because i am romantically attracted to other girls, but not sexually.
but most average people don’t know what the split attraction model is, and i run the risk of either confusing them or getting the classic homophobic “oh you millennials and your made up sexualities” comment. so i just go by lesbian, since on the surface, that’s what i look like to others.
i hope this clears some things up!
| 1,155 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ki9sfl/aita_for_going_off_on_my_parents_for_making/
|
2020-12-22 17:28:27
|
nta.
> weird, vaguely-homophobic shit
you've hit the nail on the head. your parents aren't entirely comfortable with your "new" sexual orientation, so they are overcompensating the same way much of society overcompensates when it comes to "uncomfortable" realities: crass jokes that lean into fetishization. it's still homophobia just trying to dress up as acceptance.
your mom was being an ah, and now she's embarrassed and defensive in response to being called out on it.
|
nta
what if you were not a lesbian, would they not shut up about bananas or something? 🙄
you do not tell stupid sex jokes about anyone less alone your daughter.
|
nta - also, for the love of god, people need to stop referring to vaginas as seafood.
|
nta - not only are there jokes inappropriate
but the fact they are pissed at you for this is just ridiculous
|
wow. 100% nta. parents should not ever sexualize their children no matter what age. you told them countless times that they were making you uncomfortable. they should have listened to you the first time.
|
(1) unwanted sexual jokes about someone who doesn't want that is wrong. (2) sexual jokes about one's own *daughter* (same would go for one's son) is doubly gross and disgusting and creepy.
>and making my mom feel like a shitty parent.
she feels like a "shitty parent" because she **is** being a shitty parent. and you're right about the homophobic aspect.
nta
|
nta
if you mom feels like a bad parent, you aren't the one who made her feel that way. the shame gnawing at her brain is entirely self-created, and all she has to do to get rid of it is apologize and be better next visit, nobody is asking anything more from her.
|
nta - however i genuinely have a question. you state that you came out as lesbian and then later state you are asexual and sex repulsed. is it possible to be a lesbian and asexual at the same time? i don't mean anything rude by this, just for my own understanding.
|
absolutely nta, that was completely inappropriate and if they cared about you they would notice how uncomfortable they made you, and at the very least understand when you told them you didn’t like it. you made her feel like a shitty parent because she was being one.
|
how are you lesbian and asexual?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22f) came out as a lesbian to my mom and stepdad (40f and 37m), though they told me that they knew long before i told them. however, every time i’ve come home from college since, my parents have made super inappropriate jokes about my sexuality and i’ve made it clear multiple times that it makes me super uncomfortable (especially because i’m asexual and sex-repulsed, it genuinely makes me feel sick). i can’t remember how this conversation started, but had something to do with making seafood for dinner, and my mom said, “don’t you already eat enough clams?” and my dad started laughing. i’d finally had enough and told them that if they kept doing this weird, vaguely-homophobic shit then i’d stop coming home at all, and that it’s fucking gross to make these jokes about your daughter in the first place. my parents are now treating me like i was the asshole “blowing up” and making my mom feel like a shitty parent. i still feel like i was rightfully upset. was i actually the asshole here? **edit 1:** edited because “preferences” is not the right term for my sexual orientation. being gay is super not a choice. maybe my unconscious wording’s a result of the bad parenting. **edit 2:** a good chunk of the comments here are asking me how i’m a lesbian and asexual at the same time, which wasn’t really the point of the post, but okay. i explained it a few times throughout the discussion, but at this point i don’t want to keep copy and pasting so, here’s the explanation: the asexual split attraction model splits your attractions into romantic and sexual. if i use the technical term, i’m a homoromantic asexual because i am romantically attracted to other girls, but not sexually. but most average people don’t know what the split attraction model is, and i run the risk of either confusing them or getting the classic homophobic “oh you millennials and your made up sexualities” comment. so i just go by lesbian, since on the surface, that’s what i look like to others. i hope this clears some things up!
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) came out as a lesbian to my mom and stepdad (40f and 37m), though they told me that they knew long before i told them. however, every time i’ve come home from college since, my parents have made super inappropriate jokes about my sexuality and i’ve made it clear multiple times that it makes me super uncomfortable (especially because i’m asexual and sex-repulsed, it genuinely makes me feel sick). i can’t remember how this conversation started, but had something to do with making seafood for dinner, and my mom said, “don’t you already eat enough clams?” and my dad started laughing. i’d finally had enough and told them that if they kept doing this weird, vaguely-homophobic shit then i’d stop coming home at all, and that it’s fucking gross to make these jokes about your daughter in the first place. my parents are now treating me like i was the asshole “blowing up” and making my mom feel like a shitty parent. i still feel like i was rightfully upset. was i actually the asshole here? **edit 1:** edited because “preferences” is not the right term for my sexual orientation. being gay is super not a choice. maybe my unconscious wording’s a result of the bad parenting. **edit 2:** a good chunk of the comments here are asking me how i’m a lesbian and asexual at the same time, which wasn’t really the point of the post, but okay. i explained it a few times throughout the discussion, but at this point i don’t want to keep copy and pasting so, here’s the explanation: the asexual split attraction model splits your attractions into romantic and sexual. if i use the technical term, i’m a homoromantic asexual because i am romantically attracted to other girls, but not sexually. but most average people don’t know what the split attraction model is, and i run the risk of either confusing them or getting the classic homophobic “oh you millennials and your made up sexualities” comment. so i just go by lesbian, since on the surface, that’s what i look like to others. i hope this clears some things up! [/INST] nta. > weird, vaguely-homophobic shit you've hit the nail on the head. your parents aren't entirely comfortable with your "new" sexual orientation, so they are overcompensating the same way much of society overcompensates when it comes to "uncomfortable" realities: crass jokes that lean into fetishization. it's still homophobia just trying to dress up as acceptance. your mom was being an ah, and now she's embarrassed and defensive in response to being called out on it. </s>
|
AITA for not wanting my wife to tell people I didn't think our oldest was mine
|
so my wife and i are an interracial couple. we have four sons and a surprise on the way. damarcus 6, john 3, shade 3, and grady dababy 17m. ironically damarcus came out white and i don't mean like halsey or nicole richie, i mean like pete buttigieg. my mom had to bring me down and remind me that "black people come in so many beautiful shades and hues". so for three years, i decided to put those thoughts in the back of my head. but then wifey and i were fighting about a coworker who had ulterior motives who came around the time we conceived john and shade. throughout my son's life, i was either accused of kidnapping my son or commended for stepping up and be a great "step-dad" but during the time we were fighting a picture of my wife, marky and i got put in a meme that said something like "people accusing black men of being deadbeats while we're out here raising y'all's kids". so i went to a downward spiral and ended up getting a paternity test. turns out i am the father. i told my wife and i begged for her forgiveness and that was that or it would be if she didn't tell everyone who commented on marky's complexion. one night we were taking one of those relationship games. it asked us to name our biggest pet peeves. after i told her mine she got upset. she feels like i'm being too sensitive. she feels like it's the only way to respond and still seem friendly. she also thinks it's silly to get upset about since everyone always empathizes with me. aita? i know i screwed up but i still don't like being reminded
| 1,398 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fyl14v/aita_for_not_wanting_my_wife_to_tell_people_i/
|
2020-04-10 18:04:42
|
yta. you fucked up and she's going to be telling this story at your funeral.
this is a natural consequence of deciding she must have cheated on you and sneaking a paternity test behind her back.
|
you are offended because you messed up. imagine how she feels when you basically accused her without any proof that she cheated and you thought your son wasn't yours. your feeling is nothing compared to that, and that may be a way for her to cope with shit you did.
***edit to add my last comment
i am a mexican white green eyed woman and my husband is mexican brown skin, and my child has my skin tone and eyes. i didn't get accused of cheating at all, because genetics
it happens. as you can clearly see.
|
yta. you accused your wife of betrayal and of having sex with other men.
|
yta. you know you screwed up but don't like being reminded?
tough. sounds like you need to get over yourself and face some hard truths about yourself.
if you don't trust your wife to the point you went behind her back and got a paternity test, why are you still married?
you need to get over being upset. you're the one who screwed up.
|
i have no judgement but i'm mixed race and one of four siblings and none of us have the same colour. we all fall somewhere between my dad and mum's colour. and i had friends who were mixed race and the oldest came out black, middle-tan and the last completely white, almost like the ink was running out! just wanted to reassure you that it's normal for mixed race children to not look like they are or each other. if that makes sense.
|
>my wife and i are an interracial couple.
your wife is white.
this means your babies could be as white as pete buttigieg with straight blond hair. it’s genetics and as an african american you’ve got racial admixture in your family that makes it possible for your recessive genes to link up with her recessive genes.
some biracial kids come out looking all the way white. some biracial kids look unambiguous black. most fall somewhere in between on the spectrum.
yta
|
my question to your wife is, why do you feel the need to be friendly when people are being rude ass fuckers about you and your family? "oh wow, marky doesn't look anything like your husband, is he from a different relationship" shouldn't be met with "lol husband thought the same thing and snuck a paternity test, what a hoot!" you should shut that shit down and make it clear those comments aren't needed or appreciated. nah.
|
eh. nah. look, i get why you did what you did. when i was a teen i used to babysit for a family, very stereotypical white suburban family. both parents pale and blonde and a son the same. their youngest daughter was very dark skinned, with tight curly dark hair. i always assumed she was adopted. i mentioned it to my mum one day, and mum explained that no, she wasn’t adopted, her great grandmother was aboriginal (australian).
apparently when she was born there was huge controversy, the husband left and they had to force a paternity test to prove she was his daughter. thankfully the marriage survived. but man, i can get how confronting that would be. like, she legit looked nothing like her family. genetics are amazing.
in saying that, i can see why your wife just thought it was a funny story now, and also why it would be the easiest way to shut people down when they respond with surprise that demarcus is your son. it sucks, but it’s the reality of the situation that you are going to get these comments all your life and that people are less likely to question it if you go “i’ve got proof” even if you absolutely shouldn’t have to. >.<
|
yta. i can only imagine how she feels, and if people are still making comments, i would be reminding them
|
yta for "grady dababy".
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
NAH
|
NAH
|
YTA
|
YTA
| 0.091339 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my wife and i are an interracial couple. we have four sons and a surprise on the way. damarcus 6, john 3, shade 3, and grady dababy 17m. ironically damarcus came out white and i don't mean like halsey or nicole richie, i mean like pete buttigieg. my mom had to bring me down and remind me that "black people come in so many beautiful shades and hues". so for three years, i decided to put those thoughts in the back of my head. but then wifey and i were fighting about a coworker who had ulterior motives who came around the time we conceived john and shade. throughout my son's life, i was either accused of kidnapping my son or commended for stepping up and be a great "step-dad" but during the time we were fighting a picture of my wife, marky and i got put in a meme that said something like "people accusing black men of being deadbeats while we're out here raising y'all's kids". so i went to a downward spiral and ended up getting a paternity test. turns out i am the father. i told my wife and i begged for her forgiveness and that was that or it would be if she didn't tell everyone who commented on marky's complexion. one night we were taking one of those relationship games. it asked us to name our biggest pet peeves. after i told her mine she got upset. she feels like i'm being too sensitive. she feels like it's the only way to respond and still seem friendly. she also thinks it's silly to get upset about since everyone always empathizes with me. aita? i know i screwed up but i still don't like being reminded
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my wife and i are an interracial couple. we have four sons and a surprise on the way. damarcus 6, john 3, shade 3, and grady dababy 17m. ironically damarcus came out white and i don't mean like halsey or nicole richie, i mean like pete buttigieg. my mom had to bring me down and remind me that "black people come in so many beautiful shades and hues". so for three years, i decided to put those thoughts in the back of my head. but then wifey and i were fighting about a coworker who had ulterior motives who came around the time we conceived john and shade. throughout my son's life, i was either accused of kidnapping my son or commended for stepping up and be a great "step-dad" but during the time we were fighting a picture of my wife, marky and i got put in a meme that said something like "people accusing black men of being deadbeats while we're out here raising y'all's kids". so i went to a downward spiral and ended up getting a paternity test. turns out i am the father. i told my wife and i begged for her forgiveness and that was that or it would be if she didn't tell everyone who commented on marky's complexion. one night we were taking one of those relationship games. it asked us to name our biggest pet peeves. after i told her mine she got upset. she feels like i'm being too sensitive. she feels like it's the only way to respond and still seem friendly. she also thinks it's silly to get upset about since everyone always empathizes with me. aita? i know i screwed up but i still don't like being reminded [/INST] yta. you fucked up and she's going to be telling this story at your funeral. this is a natural consequence of deciding she must have cheated on you and sneaking a paternity test behind her back. </s>
|
AITA for wanting my husband to spend some of his inheritance on me?
|
under unfortunate circumstances, my husband of 3 years recently received an inheritance from his grandmother. it is significant. not quit your job money, but you don't really need to worry about being hungry or homeless ever money.
we have separate finances, and intend to maintain separate finances. we are both debt free with good savings, and make good money. there is no real financial need for either of us.
he does intend to use some of the money for "us". when we move a few hours away later this year (both jobs are portable), he intends to buy us a house outright. that said, i will then spend the next 20 or so years paying that money back. we have already worked out a repayment plan. i am appreciative, however, that i won't have a mortgage and be paying the bank interest on my half. [
| 1,216 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bwhu6t/aita_for_wanting_my_husband_to_spend_some_of_his/
|
2019-06-03 23:49:17
|
nta. this doesn’t seem like much of a marriage if he expects you to operate completely separately financially. it’s one thing to have seperate finances but this is nuts. plus you also put in the time caring for his grandmother. the idea that you have to spend 20 years paying him back for “your half” of the house is also kind of crazy. will your name be on the title? what happens when or if you have kids? i think you two need to have some serious talks about the nature of your relationship and your future.
|
nta at all. i wouldn’t even hesitate to use a portion of the inheritance on a trip with my partner. hell, i probably would’ve already booked the trip.
i mean geeez, you’re not asking him to blow every last penny on frivolous items but rather a honeymoon that you would presumably both really enjoy.
and the house situation... he’s essentially turning you, his wife, into a tenant like a lease to own arrangement. sooooooo nta.
|
nta, his attitude seems really strange. what if you lose your job and can't make the repayments? will he kick you out on the street?
|
nta. why are you being treated like a tenant? will your name be on the deed? do you have a legal right to this house?
seriously, your husband does not seem to value your marriage as much as he values his money.
|
nta, not even reading through other comments.
you are talking about being married, caring for his grandmother side-by-side, and in the next breath, having 15% of the deed while you pay back your portion. i don't have words for this nonsense.
i've been married to my husband for 28 years, together for 32. he worked while our kids were little so that i could be home, i worked so that he could take a year off and be with the kids, we both worked, then i worked while he was off for a year after a work accident, then we both worked, then he has worked while i have gotten ssdi since i got sick.
it doesn't matter, and has never mattered, whose check money came from, it is our money. when we bought this house, he didn't say to me, "oh, you're only bringing in a 1/4 of what you used to and i'm making the mortgage payment so you only own 5% of the house" that's asinine. he paid for the cruise we went on last month and i didn't have to do nothing in return or anything. because we used my 401k when i first got sick, he is contributing the max amount to his now, because that's what partners do.
i am just wondering if you are in a marriage or a business arrangement.
|
i’m sort of dumbstruck by the number of posts on this sub that start with “my husband/wife and i keep separate finances”. it’s bizarre to me to combine your entire lives but not your finances, those can’t touch. those decisions are kept separate.
|
nta. i’m making the assumption that you contributed significantly to the care of his grandmother. it would be a very kind gesture for him to return just a little bit of the generosity and treat you.
|
nta but this is a weird arrangement. if you won the lottery would you make him pay his half of the mansion off over the next 100 years? he wouldn't go on any world traveling cruises or resorts with you?
i've heard of split finances for bills vs play money but a payment plan after a huge windfall? crazy. i could not live with paying my wife off for 30 years like i'm some tenant.
|
...you're literally not in a marriage. you're in some sort of weird roomateship eith benefits.
|
nta
this is absolutely nuts to me. my husband recently inhereted money as well and you know what we did. we payed off all of our debts and payed fully for our honeymoon. it may have technically been "his" money but we are jointly invested in each other. i couldn't imagine having to pay him back for the debt "he" payed off or save for my half of the honeymoon before he would contribute. marriage is a partnership that's supposed to be equal. this money should be an equal asset. i dont understand how you're husband is ok watching you go into debt over a house he can pay off, or not want to treat both of you to a nice vacation he can easily afford. and honestly calling it "his" money just sounds so odd to me. shouldn't it be equally yours as married couple? why is he ok with not investing in you equally?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: under unfortunate circumstances, my husband of 3 years recently received an inheritance from his grandmother. it is significant. not quit your job money, but you don't really need to worry about being hungry or homeless ever money. we have separate finances, and intend to maintain separate finances. we are both debt free with good savings, and make good money. there is no real financial need for either of us. he does intend to use some of the money for "us". when we move a few hours away later this year (both jobs are portable), he intends to buy us a house outright. that said, i will then spend the next 20 or so years paying that money back. we have already worked out a repayment plan. i am appreciative, however, that i won't have a mortgage and be paying the bank interest on my half. [
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
under unfortunate circumstances, my husband of 3 years recently received an inheritance from his grandmother. it is significant. not quit your job money, but you don't really need to worry about being hungry or homeless ever money. we have separate finances, and intend to maintain separate finances. we are both debt free with good savings, and make good money. there is no real financial need for either of us. he does intend to use some of the money for "us". when we move a few hours away later this year (both jobs are portable), he intends to buy us a house outright. that said, i will then spend the next 20 or so years paying that money back. we have already worked out a repayment plan. i am appreciative, however, that i won't have a mortgage and be paying the bank interest on my half. [ [/INST] nta. this doesn’t seem like much of a marriage if he expects you to operate completely separately financially. it’s one thing to have seperate finances but this is nuts. plus you also put in the time caring for his grandmother. the idea that you have to spend 20 years paying him back for “your half” of the house is also kind of crazy. will your name be on the title? what happens when or if you have kids? i think you two need to have some serious talks about the nature of your relationship and your future. </s>
|
AITA for refunding the girl who ruined my best friends wedding?
|
hello! so, i was a bridesmaid in a wedding months ago. the bride was pregnant so we didn’t have a bachelorette party and instead, planned one post baby. the girls venmo’d me their part. we paid for the bride’s share so she paid zero.
backstory, there were 5 bridesmaids. one of them, let’s call her debbie drama brought her boyfriend as a plus one. he was neither there for the bride or the groom. this wedding was absolutely gorgeous, in a vineyard, open bar, bride and groom paid for the bridal and groomsmen’s hotel for the weekend and a wine tour for us and our plus ones including their family aka big money. we got there on a friday, wedding on sunday, checkout monday. debbie and boyfriend were both there the whole weekend.
well come wedding day, debbie’s boyfriend gets everybody’s attention right after bride’s dad made a heartfelt speech, and uses that time to propose to debbie. tacky tacky cringe cringe. everyone was shocked and furious, which is obviously justified. b&g have a verbal altercation with debbie and debbie’s boyfriend and tell them to check out and leave mid wedding. they’re no longer friends, still.
so back to the bachelorette weekend. i get a call saying the trip has been cancelled and i’m getting a refund and credits for future use. i forwarded the email to the 5 bridesmaids and bride, so they can read about it. i get a call from the bride furious that i’m giving debbie her money back and travel credits. i told her i’d be giving debbie back her money but not credits. she says i shouldn’t give her anything because she ruined her wedding. i technically blame her boyfriend and not debbie per se but i also never liked debbie so it’s whatever to me. i told the bride she doesn’t get a say in this because she’s not paying for the trip. the bride almost feels like her and her husband are due the money, although she hasn’t directly asked for it. there’s definitely an implication though. i have no clue what the right thing to do is but i’m going to give debbie back her money. does that make me an asshole?
p.s. worth it to say, debbie hasn’t tried to reach out to any of us, or asked me about the trip since the wedding.
| 11,870 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fr69m5/aita_for_refunding_the_girl_who_ruined_my_best/
|
2020-03-29 13:58:42
|
nta you should give debbie her part of everything. the bride doesn’t get to financially punish debbie because she’s mad. that’s just childish.
|
nta - her boyfriend was the one that killed the mood, not her. i doubt she wanted to steal the spotlight in the first place, and i think the bride is taking too much out on debbie, despite her not being the most tasteful person in your eyes. you're doing the right thing, and hopefully they can work it out because debbie's boyfriend is the one that should be slandered for this.
|
debbie paid for it so it’s fair to reimburse her. the bride doesn’t have a say in it despite her “ruined”(sure it could have left a mark but ruined is surely overkill) wedding.
the bride and everyone else could look at it this way. if you pay her back, you were honest and fair. it’s the easiest (and a relatively cheap) way to “buy” her out of your lives.
don’t spend to much energy on someone clearly so self centred.
|
nta
keeping debbie's money is stealing. she may suck and deserve some bad karma, but if you did it like this you'd be crossing a line. you're good to refund the money.
i can't imagine how your friend is feeling, but she definitely needs a good friend right now to help her feel better.
|
[deleted]
|
"she said yes and did a whole photo shoot with her fiancé during the wedding"
you really need to add this to your post so people don't think debbie is innocent, and the bride is some misguided bridezilla. debbie is a huge a.
that all said, nta. you can't withhold someone's refund, even if they were completely inappropriate and awful wedding guests.
|
nta the bride’s wedding is over and she no longer has dominion over everything wedding related. and to say that debbie “ruined” her wedding is a bit dramatic itself. the wedding was probably splendid in spite of the cringey, tasteless proposal. give debbie back her venmo money and now you can having more to do with her. it’s the right thing to do since keeping it or otherwise disposing of it wrong.
|
nta, it was still debbie money. if she found out that you stole her money (kept and don’t return), she can sue you. so what you did was absolutely correct. your friend need to get over it and move on. it was a great wedding with the exception of one thoughtless couple. it could have been much worse.
|
nta, just because someone is awful to your friend doesn't mean you can steal from them. ideally, never steal from anyone.
|
nta
she paid for it, and she should be refunded. if the bride is looking to collect damages from debbie for what transpired at the wedding, the bride should take it to small claims court.
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello! so, i was a bridesmaid in a wedding months ago. the bride was pregnant so we didn’t have a bachelorette party and instead, planned one post baby. the girls venmo’d me their part. we paid for the bride’s share so she paid zero. backstory, there were 5 bridesmaids. one of them, let’s call her debbie drama brought her boyfriend as a plus one. he was neither there for the bride or the groom. this wedding was absolutely gorgeous, in a vineyard, open bar, bride and groom paid for the bridal and groomsmen’s hotel for the weekend and a wine tour for us and our plus ones including their family aka big money. we got there on a friday, wedding on sunday, checkout monday. debbie and boyfriend were both there the whole weekend. well come wedding day, debbie’s boyfriend gets everybody’s attention right after bride’s dad made a heartfelt speech, and uses that time to propose to debbie. tacky tacky cringe cringe. everyone was shocked and furious, which is obviously justified. b&g have a verbal altercation with debbie and debbie’s boyfriend and tell them to check out and leave mid wedding. they’re no longer friends, still. so back to the bachelorette weekend. i get a call saying the trip has been cancelled and i’m getting a refund and credits for future use. i forwarded the email to the 5 bridesmaids and bride, so they can read about it. i get a call from the bride furious that i’m giving debbie her money back and travel credits. i told her i’d be giving debbie back her money but not credits. she says i shouldn’t give her anything because she ruined her wedding. i technically blame her boyfriend and not debbie per se but i also never liked debbie so it’s whatever to me. i told the bride she doesn’t get a say in this because she’s not paying for the trip. the bride almost feels like her and her husband are due the money, although she hasn’t directly asked for it. there’s definitely an implication though. i have no clue what the right thing to do is but i’m going to give debbie back her money. does that make me an asshole? p.s. worth it to say, debbie hasn’t tried to reach out to any of us, or asked me about the trip since the wedding.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello! so, i was a bridesmaid in a wedding months ago. the bride was pregnant so we didn’t have a bachelorette party and instead, planned one post baby. the girls venmo’d me their part. we paid for the bride’s share so she paid zero. backstory, there were 5 bridesmaids. one of them, let’s call her debbie drama brought her boyfriend as a plus one. he was neither there for the bride or the groom. this wedding was absolutely gorgeous, in a vineyard, open bar, bride and groom paid for the bridal and groomsmen’s hotel for the weekend and a wine tour for us and our plus ones including their family aka big money. we got there on a friday, wedding on sunday, checkout monday. debbie and boyfriend were both there the whole weekend. well come wedding day, debbie’s boyfriend gets everybody’s attention right after bride’s dad made a heartfelt speech, and uses that time to propose to debbie. tacky tacky cringe cringe. everyone was shocked and furious, which is obviously justified. b&g have a verbal altercation with debbie and debbie’s boyfriend and tell them to check out and leave mid wedding. they’re no longer friends, still. so back to the bachelorette weekend. i get a call saying the trip has been cancelled and i’m getting a refund and credits for future use. i forwarded the email to the 5 bridesmaids and bride, so they can read about it. i get a call from the bride furious that i’m giving debbie her money back and travel credits. i told her i’d be giving debbie back her money but not credits. she says i shouldn’t give her anything because she ruined her wedding. i technically blame her boyfriend and not debbie per se but i also never liked debbie so it’s whatever to me. i told the bride she doesn’t get a say in this because she’s not paying for the trip. the bride almost feels like her and her husband are due the money, although she hasn’t directly asked for it. there’s definitely an implication though. i have no clue what the right thing to do is but i’m going to give debbie back her money. does that make me an asshole? p.s. worth it to say, debbie hasn’t tried to reach out to any of us, or asked me about the trip since the wedding. [/INST] nta you should give debbie her part of everything. the bride doesn’t get to financially punish debbie because she’s mad. that’s just childish. </s>
|
AITA for keeping my cat away from my elderly neighbour?
|
ok so i have a cat that i’ve had for 10 years now, i’d let him outside and he’d come back no problem. in the past few months i’ve noticed that i would see him less and less, he would start disappearing for literally days then i found out that he was staying at my elderly neighbours (they’re in their late 70s i believe).
their cat had recently died so at first i thought it was cute that they could find comfort in my cat, i said i don’t mind at all but don’t feed him and don’t keep him for more than 2 hours max. they agreed but continued to keep him for days and then when i finally see him again they took off the collar i gave him and put on a new one!
i’ve also noticed that he’s gotten a lot bigger so she has been feeding him even after i told her not to. i confronted her again about this and she just told me “it’s not my fault they like me more”.
she’s retired while i work full time so of course it’s easier for her to give him more attention. my friend keeps her cat inside when she goes to work and told me to do the same so i locked the catflap and have been keeping mine inside.
today she came banging on my door (literally) angry that she hasn’t seen my cat (it’s only been 2 days!) and called me all sorts of terrible names, saying i’m evil for doing this to an old woman.
there are so many cats out there, i just don’t understand why she can’t just get another one instead of being so obsessed with mine?
am i the asshole for keeping my cat inside and away from this elderly woman?
tldr: my elderly neighbour basically stole my cat and is mad i’m keeping him inside and they can’t see him anymore.
| 1,554 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lm7xxl/aita_for_keeping_my_cat_away_from_my_elderly/
|
2021-02-17 23:32:45
|
nta
the ‘old woman’ is an entitled asshole. i would keep your cat inside or she will probably take your cat permanently. is the cat microchipped and registered to you? i’d make sure your documentation is in order. this kind of weirdo will try to say you’ve catnapped.
and...cat tax please!
|
nta
> they took off the collar i gave him and put on a new one!
that shit's beyond the pale.
|
nta. and she might try to go to the police with some bullshit story about how you stole her cat and removed it's collar, be warned and take preventative measures.
|
nta, but this is what happens when you let your pet roam free. everyone should be responsible and keep their pets inside. cats demolish wildlife and cause issues with neighbors. dog owners aren't allowed to let their pets roam free... cat owners shouldn't either.
|
yta for letting your cat out. it is very dangerous for the cat plus your cat can also harm wildlife.
|
nta
pet weight is an issue. can seriously affect your animal's health and can do it quick.
you do need to spend more time with your cat if they aren't spending time outside.
maybe fill a pumpkin with ground beef. wait that's tigers. nvm.
|
nta in anyway.
you let her do it with certain boundries and she just ignored those boundaries. keep the cat away from her... also worldwide pandemic and all, best keep her with you and away from her.
|
nta. her behaviour was strange in the beginning of that story.. but then coming over and abusing you over *your* cat? i suspect there’s more going on in her life you don’t know about, or perhaps just old age. could you suggest she gets a rescue cat?
|
yta for letting your cat go outside in the first place. cats are invasive to most environments, they kill wildlife and damage the ecosystem. plus, your cat is in incredible danger, outside all alone like that. there are predators, vehicles, and cruel people out there.
|
esh.
your neighbor shouldn't be demanding to see your cat.
you should never have let your cat roam outside. if you had kept him indoors full-time from the beginning (which is the responsible thing to do - contrary to popular opinion, cats shouldn't go outdoors), there would have been no problem in the first place.
continue keeping him indoors.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
| 0.257125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok so i have a cat that i’ve had for 10 years now, i’d let him outside and he’d come back no problem. in the past few months i’ve noticed that i would see him less and less, he would start disappearing for literally days then i found out that he was staying at my elderly neighbours (they’re in their late 70s i believe). their cat had recently died so at first i thought it was cute that they could find comfort in my cat, i said i don’t mind at all but don’t feed him and don’t keep him for more than 2 hours max. they agreed but continued to keep him for days and then when i finally see him again they took off the collar i gave him and put on a new one! i’ve also noticed that he’s gotten a lot bigger so she has been feeding him even after i told her not to. i confronted her again about this and she just told me “it’s not my fault they like me more”. she’s retired while i work full time so of course it’s easier for her to give him more attention. my friend keeps her cat inside when she goes to work and told me to do the same so i locked the catflap and have been keeping mine inside. today she came banging on my door (literally) angry that she hasn’t seen my cat (it’s only been 2 days!) and called me all sorts of terrible names, saying i’m evil for doing this to an old woman. there are so many cats out there, i just don’t understand why she can’t just get another one instead of being so obsessed with mine? am i the asshole for keeping my cat inside and away from this elderly woman? tldr: my elderly neighbour basically stole my cat and is mad i’m keeping him inside and they can’t see him anymore.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok so i have a cat that i’ve had for 10 years now, i’d let him outside and he’d come back no problem. in the past few months i’ve noticed that i would see him less and less, he would start disappearing for literally days then i found out that he was staying at my elderly neighbours (they’re in their late 70s i believe). their cat had recently died so at first i thought it was cute that they could find comfort in my cat, i said i don’t mind at all but don’t feed him and don’t keep him for more than 2 hours max. they agreed but continued to keep him for days and then when i finally see him again they took off the collar i gave him and put on a new one! i’ve also noticed that he’s gotten a lot bigger so she has been feeding him even after i told her not to. i confronted her again about this and she just told me “it’s not my fault they like me more”. she’s retired while i work full time so of course it’s easier for her to give him more attention. my friend keeps her cat inside when she goes to work and told me to do the same so i locked the catflap and have been keeping mine inside. today she came banging on my door (literally) angry that she hasn’t seen my cat (it’s only been 2 days!) and called me all sorts of terrible names, saying i’m evil for doing this to an old woman. there are so many cats out there, i just don’t understand why she can’t just get another one instead of being so obsessed with mine? am i the asshole for keeping my cat inside and away from this elderly woman? tldr: my elderly neighbour basically stole my cat and is mad i’m keeping him inside and they can’t see him anymore. [/INST] nta the ‘old woman’ is an entitled asshole. i would keep your cat inside or she will probably take your cat permanently. is the cat microchipped and registered to you? i’d make sure your documentation is in order. this kind of weirdo will try to say you’ve catnapped. and...cat tax please! </s>
|
WIBTA for telling my kids about their biological brother.
|
i'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. recently i found out my husband 52 had a 18yr son that he knew about and kept secret. i never suspected anything like this. i'm 47 and we have three kids together, two are opposite gender 14yr old twins and the other is (11f). recently the son got in contact with my brother and sister in law and told them who he was and asked if they would be interested in a relationship. he apparently sent a message to my husband also but my husband never responded.
my mother in law ended up being the one to tell me this. i didn't really believe at first and doubted the kid was my husband's because he always been such a great father figure to our own kids and great man. that was until i talked to my husband himself and he said there was no need for a paternity test because he was positive it was his, and knew the entire time.
when him and the mother got together she had basically been diagnosed as infertile so they didn't use any contraceptives and dated for two years before she got pregnant. when she did she knew this was the only chance she might have at having a bio child and decided to keep it. my husband did not want to be a father and lied to his whole family for the reason they broke up and never told anyone he had a kid.
my husband has made clear to me he wants no contact with the child or mom. honestly it horrified me he kept this secret. not only that but every time he talks about his son he calls him "it" and refers to him like hes not even human. fot his defense he said i wouldn't have gotten with him if i knew about him abandoning his son. the truth is i wouldn't, i have very strong opinions about dead beat dad's and even now i don't know if i can stay married to this man after finding this out. staying married would mean bending all of my morals and ethics and i just don't know if i can do that, even for him.
i contacted the mother and she said the son does want to try form relationships with his siblings and other family members but won't beg if his dad wants no involvement. i do know my in laws are going to meet him, and had a conversation with my husband to tell the kids the truth and let them decide for themselves if they want to meet him. this expectedly did not go well and he was very much against it.
i would rather our kids hear this from us than anyone else and i don't want to deny them the choice of a possible sibling relationship. i'm thinking of telling them anyway would that make me an ah?
| 357 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uqei2t/wibta_for_telling_my_kids_about_their_biological/
|
2022-05-15 20:16:08
|
nta it would be different if he told you about it but as it stands your entire marriage is based on a lie. if you do tell your kids about their brother which i think you should do not make your divorce about him its about the fact that your husband lied to you for years. make it clear to the kids that their brother is absolutely not at fault and the blame is on their father.
|
nta they should be able to make their own decision on this, and they can't do that if no one tells them.
he just doesn't want to look bad in front of them, but it only looks bad because it is bad
|
nta. too many people know about this for this to continue to be kept a secret. your children will find out. it is better to come from you than anyone else since "dad" won't step up to the plate.
"i have very strong opinions about dead beat dad's and even now i don't know if i can stay married to this man after finding this out. staying married would mean bending all of my morals and ethics and i just don't know if i can do that, even for him." i am totally with you on this one!
|
nta. your husband does not own you or any of his children. they are all free to form whatever relationships they choose. telling the kids about it is going to very complicated and i would not rush into it, but since the half-brother has expressed an interest in meeting them, my opinion is that it would be decent to let your children know he exists.
your husband sounds like a piece of work though.
|
nta - your husband’s 18 years of denial won’t make this young man disappear. i suggest you meet him and his mother and then decide how to tell your children about him. your husband, while he may be a good father to your kids, his behavior towards this one is reprehensible. he should have at least supported the boy financially. best of luck.
|
nta. the cat is out the bag. the kids are going to find out one or another, best they hear it from you or their dad first.
also, you are better person that i could ever pretend to be. my heart is with you.
|
info: i’m assuming he never paid any child support?
|
[deleted]
|
i’ve been the secret child in a situation like this… it’s going to come out eventually, but idk if there’s a neat and tidy way to do it.
your husband sounds pretty awful tbh. he doesn’t want to take responsibility for this situation, and idk how forcing the issue by having everyone else in the family meet the secret kid will play out. i don’t think telling your kids about their brother when their father is angry about the situation is a good idea, even though i agree what he did and how he’s reacting is wrong. maybe give it some time to see how things go with the in laws. and reassess in a couple months.
it’s going to be messy no matter what, sorry to say.
|
nta, your children are going to find out eventually, one way or another that they have a sibling. when they do they are going to be hurt that their father kept this from them and it could really impact their relationship with him. do you want them to feel the same way about you?
your husband has spent the last 18 years running away from responsibility. by choosing not to let your children know they have a sibling, he is putting his fears of facing his past before his children's feelings and their rights to what could be a positive sibling relationship if they want it. you now have to make that choice too: hurt your husband (and potentially your relationship with him) now, or hurt your children (and potentially your relationship with them) in the future?
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
| null | null |
NTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. recently i found out my husband 52 had a 18yr son that he knew about and kept secret. i never suspected anything like this. i'm 47 and we have three kids together, two are opposite gender 14yr old twins and the other is (11f). recently the son got in contact with my brother and sister in law and told them who he was and asked if they would be interested in a relationship. he apparently sent a message to my husband also but my husband never responded. my mother in law ended up being the one to tell me this. i didn't really believe at first and doubted the kid was my husband's because he always been such a great father figure to our own kids and great man. that was until i talked to my husband himself and he said there was no need for a paternity test because he was positive it was his, and knew the entire time. when him and the mother got together she had basically been diagnosed as infertile so they didn't use any contraceptives and dated for two years before she got pregnant. when she did she knew this was the only chance she might have at having a bio child and decided to keep it. my husband did not want to be a father and lied to his whole family for the reason they broke up and never told anyone he had a kid. my husband has made clear to me he wants no contact with the child or mom. honestly it horrified me he kept this secret. not only that but every time he talks about his son he calls him "it" and refers to him like hes not even human. fot his defense he said i wouldn't have gotten with him if i knew about him abandoning his son. the truth is i wouldn't, i have very strong opinions about dead beat dad's and even now i don't know if i can stay married to this man after finding this out. staying married would mean bending all of my morals and ethics and i just don't know if i can do that, even for him. i contacted the mother and she said the son does want to try form relationships with his siblings and other family members but won't beg if his dad wants no involvement. i do know my in laws are going to meet him, and had a conversation with my husband to tell the kids the truth and let them decide for themselves if they want to meet him. this expectedly did not go well and he was very much against it. i would rather our kids hear this from us than anyone else and i don't want to deny them the choice of a possible sibling relationship. i'm thinking of telling them anyway would that make me an ah?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. recently i found out my husband 52 had a 18yr son that he knew about and kept secret. i never suspected anything like this. i'm 47 and we have three kids together, two are opposite gender 14yr old twins and the other is (11f). recently the son got in contact with my brother and sister in law and told them who he was and asked if they would be interested in a relationship. he apparently sent a message to my husband also but my husband never responded. my mother in law ended up being the one to tell me this. i didn't really believe at first and doubted the kid was my husband's because he always been such a great father figure to our own kids and great man. that was until i talked to my husband himself and he said there was no need for a paternity test because he was positive it was his, and knew the entire time. when him and the mother got together she had basically been diagnosed as infertile so they didn't use any contraceptives and dated for two years before she got pregnant. when she did she knew this was the only chance she might have at having a bio child and decided to keep it. my husband did not want to be a father and lied to his whole family for the reason they broke up and never told anyone he had a kid. my husband has made clear to me he wants no contact with the child or mom. honestly it horrified me he kept this secret. not only that but every time he talks about his son he calls him "it" and refers to him like hes not even human. fot his defense he said i wouldn't have gotten with him if i knew about him abandoning his son. the truth is i wouldn't, i have very strong opinions about dead beat dad's and even now i don't know if i can stay married to this man after finding this out. staying married would mean bending all of my morals and ethics and i just don't know if i can do that, even for him. i contacted the mother and she said the son does want to try form relationships with his siblings and other family members but won't beg if his dad wants no involvement. i do know my in laws are going to meet him, and had a conversation with my husband to tell the kids the truth and let them decide for themselves if they want to meet him. this expectedly did not go well and he was very much against it. i would rather our kids hear this from us than anyone else and i don't want to deny them the choice of a possible sibling relationship. i'm thinking of telling them anyway would that make me an ah? [/INST] nta it would be different if he told you about it but as it stands your entire marriage is based on a lie. if you do tell your kids about their brother which i think you should do not make your divorce about him its about the fact that your husband lied to you for years. make it clear to the kids that their brother is absolutely not at fault and the blame is on their father. </s>
|
Aita: My in-laws wanted me to put my 3 yo son up for adoption
|
when me f31 and my husband m35 met, we were so much in love with each other and got married despite my inlaws disapproval of me, saying i'm a useless, irresponsible addict with no college degree.
and that i was no good for their son, who used to have successful career which was ended when he met me (according to them)
they hated me since day one and still called me an addict, even though i spent years being clean and was in therapy.
my husband's health was going backwards lately, he is at the last stages of lung cancer, he is a heavy smoker, despite trying he couldn't quit his habit.
my in-laws said there was nothing they could do to help him, they started blaming for this and accused me of ruining their son's life by getting him to smoke, drink etc.
(he was a smoker long before i met him)
we have a beatiful 3yo son, when they learnt that i was pregnant with their grandkid, they persueded me and harrassed me into getting an abortion, that was it for me, i cut contact and never spoke to them again, til my husband got sick.
my mother in law showed at my house and started talking about how sorry she feels for her son and told me that when her son passes away, i should put my son up for adoption, my blood was boiling i wanted to kick her out but she said she wanted to "explain" that since i have no money, no job, to provide for my son that was the best for this innocent child, and told me to stop being selfish and think about my son for once, and warned me that i shouldn't expect any help from her family because they've all agreed as a unit to keep me out, and since my husband is the only like they have, once he's gone they no longer want to deal with me.
i told her that was her grandchild she was talking about, she said no, my son never had a son, not with you, it's, she said she can't let me cause more damage than what was already done by me.
i told her to leave, she gave me a nasty look and repeatedly pointing her finger at me saying she'll make me regret ever meeting her son.
my heart was feeling heavy, i cried, and prayed to god and asked him for help.
i was at the hospital with my husband today, i didn't tell him what his mom said, i kept the conversation simple, and even the simpliest stuff is no hard to understand as he seemed confused and would not follow up on conversations, i just talk to him not waiting for him to talk back cause he seemed to be in a lot of pain and i was just trying to comfert him.
it's so wrong and disgusting of her to do this to me and to her grandchild who she said she does not want cause his mom happens to be me.
am i wrong for thinking this way?
| 462 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h89u9z/aita_my_inlaws_wanted_me_to_put_my_3_yo_son_up/
|
2020-06-13 15:43:06
|
nta, but i seriously recommend getting legal affairs in order because i suspect that they will try to get anything that is worth something, just to make you regret existing i fear, she doesnt sound healthy as this is her only reaction to her son in hospital and you struggling with your youngling
|
nta. please stop all contact with your in-laws as soon as possible. they sound like horrible, judgmental people. everyone has a history, but that doesn't matter so long as you can responsibly and safely parent the child going forward. please take care of yourself and your little one. do not listen to a single word this horrible woman says to you ever again.
|
nta, tell your husband, get a paternity test. based on your screen name social security helps cover minor children. protect your son.
i am very sorry for your boy, you and your husband.
|
nta - get a lawyer.
she probably wants him up for adoption so they can take him. she knows you probably won’t agree to have them keep the child. that way they can show you never wanted to be a good person and she can swoop in take the child and say “told you she was horrible”.
as much as she talks be prepared. they will try and get custody of this child. people are twisted.
|
nta congratulations on your sobriety
|
nta. it’s very mature of you to leave your husband out of the nasty hatred being spewed by your mil. i would keep him out of it and let him pass in peace.
|
i'm so sorry, perhaps you should share your story on r/justnomil
|
nta: just focus on your husband and cut contact with them again.
|
i feel like there's some background information missing. if your husband does pass away can you financially support yourself and your child? or are you hoping that his family will help you?
|
nta, cut all contact with them, and when your husband passes, change your phone number, move and do not tell them where.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when me f31 and my husband m35 met, we were so much in love with each other and got married despite my inlaws disapproval of me, saying i'm a useless, irresponsible addict with no college degree. and that i was no good for their son, who used to have successful career which was ended when he met me (according to them) they hated me since day one and still called me an addict, even though i spent years being clean and was in therapy. my husband's health was going backwards lately, he is at the last stages of lung cancer, he is a heavy smoker, despite trying he couldn't quit his habit. my in-laws said there was nothing they could do to help him, they started blaming for this and accused me of ruining their son's life by getting him to smoke, drink etc. (he was a smoker long before i met him) we have a beatiful 3yo son, when they learnt that i was pregnant with their grandkid, they persueded me and harrassed me into getting an abortion, that was it for me, i cut contact and never spoke to them again, til my husband got sick. my mother in law showed at my house and started talking about how sorry she feels for her son and told me that when her son passes away, i should put my son up for adoption, my blood was boiling i wanted to kick her out but she said she wanted to "explain" that since i have no money, no job, to provide for my son that was the best for this innocent child, and told me to stop being selfish and think about my son for once, and warned me that i shouldn't expect any help from her family because they've all agreed as a unit to keep me out, and since my husband is the only like they have, once he's gone they no longer want to deal with me. i told her that was her grandchild she was talking about, she said no, my son never had a son, not with you, it's, she said she can't let me cause more damage than what was already done by me. i told her to leave, she gave me a nasty look and repeatedly pointing her finger at me saying she'll make me regret ever meeting her son. my heart was feeling heavy, i cried, and prayed to god and asked him for help. i was at the hospital with my husband today, i didn't tell him what his mom said, i kept the conversation simple, and even the simpliest stuff is no hard to understand as he seemed confused and would not follow up on conversations, i just talk to him not waiting for him to talk back cause he seemed to be in a lot of pain and i was just trying to comfert him. it's so wrong and disgusting of her to do this to me and to her grandchild who she said she does not want cause his mom happens to be me. am i wrong for thinking this way?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
when me f31 and my husband m35 met, we were so much in love with each other and got married despite my inlaws disapproval of me, saying i'm a useless, irresponsible addict with no college degree. and that i was no good for their son, who used to have successful career which was ended when he met me (according to them) they hated me since day one and still called me an addict, even though i spent years being clean and was in therapy. my husband's health was going backwards lately, he is at the last stages of lung cancer, he is a heavy smoker, despite trying he couldn't quit his habit. my in-laws said there was nothing they could do to help him, they started blaming for this and accused me of ruining their son's life by getting him to smoke, drink etc. (he was a smoker long before i met him) we have a beatiful 3yo son, when they learnt that i was pregnant with their grandkid, they persueded me and harrassed me into getting an abortion, that was it for me, i cut contact and never spoke to them again, til my husband got sick. my mother in law showed at my house and started talking about how sorry she feels for her son and told me that when her son passes away, i should put my son up for adoption, my blood was boiling i wanted to kick her out but she said she wanted to "explain" that since i have no money, no job, to provide for my son that was the best for this innocent child, and told me to stop being selfish and think about my son for once, and warned me that i shouldn't expect any help from her family because they've all agreed as a unit to keep me out, and since my husband is the only like they have, once he's gone they no longer want to deal with me. i told her that was her grandchild she was talking about, she said no, my son never had a son, not with you, it's, she said she can't let me cause more damage than what was already done by me. i told her to leave, she gave me a nasty look and repeatedly pointing her finger at me saying she'll make me regret ever meeting her son. my heart was feeling heavy, i cried, and prayed to god and asked him for help. i was at the hospital with my husband today, i didn't tell him what his mom said, i kept the conversation simple, and even the simpliest stuff is no hard to understand as he seemed confused and would not follow up on conversations, i just talk to him not waiting for him to talk back cause he seemed to be in a lot of pain and i was just trying to comfert him. it's so wrong and disgusting of her to do this to me and to her grandchild who she said she does not want cause his mom happens to be me. am i wrong for thinking this way? [/INST] nta, but i seriously recommend getting legal affairs in order because i suspect that they will try to get anything that is worth something, just to make you regret existing i fear, she doesnt sound healthy as this is her only reaction to her son in hospital and you struggling with your youngling </s>
|
AITA not reporting my former bully to school?
|
so i (18f) recently became close friends with my former bully (michael-17m). i say 'bully' but i never thought of it that way. his 'bullying' consisted of sarcastic comments yelled in my general direction, and it was never anything actually harmful, either. for example, i would be asked to read and he'd say 'ew cringe'. i always assumed he was just a little weird and since i wasn't too hurt by his actions, left it alone. i found it more humorous than anything.
just before christmas, we bumped into each other and there was something off about him. i won't go too in-depth, but essentially, he broke down and told me about his shit home life.
we talked and exchanged numbers and are pretty good friends now.
we started the new term on the 7th of january, and have been hanging out before, during, and after school. one of my friends is angry with me because i haven't reported him for bullying. i tried to explain that we sorted it out and there's no hard feelings, but she says 'once a bully, always a bully' and that he needs to be dealt with accordingly. she's mad at me because she was bullied to a much more serious extent and her bullies got off scott-free, so she wants me to 'get my justice'.
aita for not reporting him?
| 247 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s1bi1c/aita_not_reporting_my_former_bully_to_school/
|
2022-01-11 12:11:04
|
nta. totally nta.
good on you for taking him under your wings and helping him through his hard time. you're a better person than most. hopefully this empathy is what changes things for him and causes him some introspection.
you friend will understand one day, when they've gained enough emotional maturity. hopefully it's sooner than later.
|
nta
i'm going to honest. i don't think he's a bully, he's just a bit of a dick/wise ass. guys banter like that all of the time, if it didn't bother you then it's not an issue imo.
|
nta - a lot of times, if a bully has a break through like michael, their lives are changed and they do better moving forward.
your friend needs to understand that her situation and yours are different.
|
nta
what’s to report? nothing much. he had a problem with you, you both solved it and now you’re friends. your friend is being nosy.
|
nta. by treating him better than he treated you, you have potentially changed his life and behavior. good for you.
i’m sorry that your friend was bullied, but reporting your former bully will not heal her wounds.
|
nta - it sounds like his "bullying" was general childish jackassery. not sayings its good behaviour but he didn't torment and destroy your self esteem like many bully's do.
now also bravo to you for showing compassion and talking to him bravo to you.
aaaaaand like i said his bullying was very childish... so dont be suprised if it was "pulling the pigtails of the girl you like" behavior and this guy has a crush on you.
|
nta. you're the victim. the decision is yours.
i hate when people dictate to victims how they have to respond, regardless of how well intentioned such advice may be. the last thing people should do is take autonomy away from victims.
she's a victim of someone else's bullying. i hate to defend him, but you can't lump their wrongdoing onto him. that's going too far. that's not empowering. misplaced justice isn't justice.
|
nta. people can learn and change imo. hurt people hurt people.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (18f) recently became close friends with my former bully (michael-17m). i say 'bully' but i never thought of it that way. his 'bullying' consisted of sarcastic comments yelled in my general direction, and it was never anything actually harmful, either. for example, i would be asked to read and he'd say 'ew cringe'. i always assumed he was just a little weird and since i wasn't too hurt by his actions, left it alone. i found it more humorous than anything. just before christmas, we bumped into each other and there was something off about him. i won't go too in-depth, but essentially, he broke down and told me about his shit home life. we talked and exchanged numbers and are pretty good friends now. we started the new term on the 7th of january, and have been hanging out before, during, and after school. one of my friends is angry with me because i haven't reported him for bullying. i tried to explain that we sorted it out and there's no hard feelings, but she says 'once a bully, always a bully' and that he needs to be dealt with accordingly. she's mad at me because she was bullied to a much more serious extent and her bullies got off scott-free, so she wants me to 'get my justice'. aita for not reporting him?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (18f) recently became close friends with my former bully (michael-17m). i say 'bully' but i never thought of it that way. his 'bullying' consisted of sarcastic comments yelled in my general direction, and it was never anything actually harmful, either. for example, i would be asked to read and he'd say 'ew cringe'. i always assumed he was just a little weird and since i wasn't too hurt by his actions, left it alone. i found it more humorous than anything. just before christmas, we bumped into each other and there was something off about him. i won't go too in-depth, but essentially, he broke down and told me about his shit home life. we talked and exchanged numbers and are pretty good friends now. we started the new term on the 7th of january, and have been hanging out before, during, and after school. one of my friends is angry with me because i haven't reported him for bullying. i tried to explain that we sorted it out and there's no hard feelings, but she says 'once a bully, always a bully' and that he needs to be dealt with accordingly. she's mad at me because she was bullied to a much more serious extent and her bullies got off scott-free, so she wants me to 'get my justice'. aita for not reporting him? [/INST] nta. totally nta. good on you for taking him under your wings and helping him through his hard time. you're a better person than most. hopefully this empathy is what changes things for him and causes him some introspection. you friend will understand one day, when they've gained enough emotional maturity. hopefully it's sooner than later. </s>
|
AITA because I apparently shamed someone for having braces?
|
i (24f) am blessed with perfect teeth. i never had braces or anything else done to them, i just got lucky.
so today my boyfriend's mum invited us out for tea with some other people. there was a young couple around my age. the girl (a) had braces. i didn't think much of it. but then she asked me how long i've had my braces for. i told her i never had braces. she got quite offended and said there's no need to be ashamed of it and i shouldn't lie. i said i'm not lying i just got lucky with my teeth. she just wouldn't let it be and i got quite pissed off but let it slide.
then later on someone else started talking about as braces to her and i overheard her saying something like: yeah unfortunately a lot of people are ashamed and perpetuate the the idea that braces are ugly" while gesturing towards me. at this point i had enough. i told her that i'm sorry that she thinks the only way for people to have good teeth is braces and that she is clearly insecure about having them herself but to please find someone else to take it out on. it ended it with "some people just have good teeth naturally, you know". after this she started crying and everyone told me i shouldn't shame her for having braces.
i do feel bad about the last thing i said but i wish she had just let it be. it's just teeth ffs.
| 4,205 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gxrh2d/aita_because_i_apparently_shamed_someone_for/
|
2020-06-06 13:59:01
|
nta. she tried to pick a fight and insult you over a truthful answer and had a hissy fit when you called her out.
|
nta, it’s ridiculous that anyone could think the only way to have good teeth is braces.
|
nta.
you just told her the truth about your teeth and she clearly felt insecure about it, so felt the need to diss you.
|
nta she is one of those assholes making up shit. you said the right thing when she started making up bullshit. you just said you never had braces and your lucky to have perfect teeth (nothing wrong with saying that) and she thought your shaming her for having braces(?).
|
nta she's being ridiculous.
|
nta you did nothing wrong. her issues are hers to deal with.
|
nta at all, she kept bugging you and thought she knew that you at one point had braces, and when told otherwise, continued to push the point leading to what happened.
|
nta. i think you were completely right in guessing that she was insecure about her braces, which is unfortunate but completely unfair to project onto you.
it can't have been a nice experience for her to have that said to her in front of everyone, but considering that she was publicly badmouthing you that's to be expected.
|
nta but do people actually like bawl their tears in public? i see this alot in aita and other story subs like this, but this never really happens in my life?
|
nta
i don't understand how you "shamed" her for having braces. it's not like you said "braces are the worst thing ever, you look so terrible with them" or something. you just told her that some people have naturally good teeth without braces, which makes sense. it's her own fault for being so insecure of her own braces.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (24f) am blessed with perfect teeth. i never had braces or anything else done to them, i just got lucky. so today my boyfriend's mum invited us out for tea with some other people. there was a young couple around my age. the girl (a) had braces. i didn't think much of it. but then she asked me how long i've had my braces for. i told her i never had braces. she got quite offended and said there's no need to be ashamed of it and i shouldn't lie. i said i'm not lying i just got lucky with my teeth. she just wouldn't let it be and i got quite pissed off but let it slide. then later on someone else started talking about as braces to her and i overheard her saying something like: yeah unfortunately a lot of people are ashamed and perpetuate the the idea that braces are ugly" while gesturing towards me. at this point i had enough. i told her that i'm sorry that she thinks the only way for people to have good teeth is braces and that she is clearly insecure about having them herself but to please find someone else to take it out on. it ended it with "some people just have good teeth naturally, you know". after this she started crying and everyone told me i shouldn't shame her for having braces. i do feel bad about the last thing i said but i wish she had just let it be. it's just teeth ffs.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (24f) am blessed with perfect teeth. i never had braces or anything else done to them, i just got lucky. so today my boyfriend's mum invited us out for tea with some other people. there was a young couple around my age. the girl (a) had braces. i didn't think much of it. but then she asked me how long i've had my braces for. i told her i never had braces. she got quite offended and said there's no need to be ashamed of it and i shouldn't lie. i said i'm not lying i just got lucky with my teeth. she just wouldn't let it be and i got quite pissed off but let it slide. then later on someone else started talking about as braces to her and i overheard her saying something like: yeah unfortunately a lot of people are ashamed and perpetuate the the idea that braces are ugly" while gesturing towards me. at this point i had enough. i told her that i'm sorry that she thinks the only way for people to have good teeth is braces and that she is clearly insecure about having them herself but to please find someone else to take it out on. it ended it with "some people just have good teeth naturally, you know". after this she started crying and everyone told me i shouldn't shame her for having braces. i do feel bad about the last thing i said but i wish she had just let it be. it's just teeth ffs. [/INST] nta. she tried to pick a fight and insult you over a truthful answer and had a hissy fit when you called her out. </s>
|
AITA for telling off a boy with learning disabilities?
|
so i(f14), attend an small k-8th school in ohio. for some reason, the school does not have special classes for people with learning disabilities, so that means kids with mental/physical disabilities are mixed in with students without them. that makes the kids with disabilities easy targets.
i was at my lunch period, when i noticed a boy sitting alone. i approached him and asked if he was okay, and he replied with a head nod. we began speaking about video games, books, music, and ect. eventually, i ended up giving him my roblox username so we could play together. i don’t usually check my roblox messages because i do not get many, as 90% of the people i have added are friends or family members who i can call instead of texting within the app. when i checked it, ofc it was him. he texted me for multiple hours at a time, and i would’ve been fine with it if he hadn’t started calling me names i was not comfortable with, such as “sweetcakes”, “baby”, “my forever”, “my love”, and ect.. i confronted him about it in the nicest way possible, but he continued, so i started ignoring him and giving him signs to back off. this only led to him harassing me about it, and i wrote him a note, telling him to stop and that i was not comfortable. he turned to me and shook his head “no”, so then i walked out of the classroom and went to the dean.
i showed the dean our messages, and the harassment i was receiving from the boy, and he called him to his office to talk to him about it. he came back to the classroom sobbing, and the school counselor called me out, and told me he had a learning disability. she was too loud and everyone heard. his harassment continued by him gaslighting me for rejecting him, so i told him off and blocked him on everything. i was on the phone with my friend while i was doing it, and it got around the school. everyone was calling me a bitch for hurting his feelings like that, knowing he has a special disability.
i repsonded by saying that him having learning disabilities did not give him an excuse to harass me, but i can’t help but think about rather or not i went too far..
so aita?
edit; i am reading the comments and i realized there had been a huge misunderstanding with the first paragraph.. i was not implying that kids with special abilities should be isolated from other students just because of their abilities. i actually was not implying anything except for the fact that people with special abilities should be given a little more sympathy for such acts, but should also be taught that it is wrong. my mom and sister have disabilities, and the last thing i would do is protest against kids with disabilities combining themselves with kids without them. i apologize for the confusion.
| 392 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y83562/aita_for_telling_off_a_boy_with_learning/
|
2022-10-19 13:44:32
|
nta
you were trying to be nice- asked him to back off but he didn't.
i would advise telling your parents/guardians what happened at school and show them the messages as well if you can.
word of advice tho: boys don't take hints. be direct with them. but even then, some won't take no.
|
nta nta nta
you did the right thing. a person's disability does not give them the right to harass you or make you uncomfortable. you told him you were uncomfortable and asked him to stop privately. he didn't listen and your counselor is the one who made the whole school aware, not you. i'm sorry that you're dealing with this, but the idea that women are responsible for how men feel is something that is still very prevalent in society. just know you did the right thing and if another boy does this to you, take the same steps.
|
nta
you didn't go too far. you went out of your way to be nice. you tried to handle the situation in private. the counselor messed up by not handling it privately.
his situation is his situation, but it's not as though you picked on him or tried to out his behaviour to anyone.
well done for the way you handled it.
|
nta but what does a learning disability have to do with harassment? i’m genuinely curious. someone with adhd or dyslexia knows when someone does not want to talk to them.
|
nta and shame on the counselor. false accusations and public accusations are something that you should talk with the principal.
|
nta
he is a protected class under the school/state law and because this interaction initiated at school even though it didn’t happen there, it falls in the schools responsibility to address.
glad you established boundaries and stuck with them. hopefully this kid learns his lesson and treats people better.
|
nta. the adults at your school are utterly failing you.
|
nta- your counselor didn’t have all the facts and for stepping in like she did, loud enough for everyone to hear, was ridiculous. having a disability doesn’t give you a free card to harass people. harassment isn’t ok no matter who does it. you don’t have to endure terrible treatment because he can’t treat you kindly or tell the truth. if the school counselor had such an issue she should have taken it up with the dean.
|
nta. you were not mean or mocking. you were honest and provided him with a really important social learning experience. the adult educators in the situation should be scaffolding that for him so he can understand. instead this woman who yelled at you infantilised him and was ableist. making adjustments and exceptions for disabled children should enable them to engage appropriately in their education/social environment - not bypass their learning or others’ safety from harassment.
|
nta. you don't have to endure sexual harassment because a boy has a learning disability.
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i(f14), attend an small k-8th school in ohio. for some reason, the school does not have special classes for people with learning disabilities, so that means kids with mental/physical disabilities are mixed in with students without them. that makes the kids with disabilities easy targets. i was at my lunch period, when i noticed a boy sitting alone. i approached him and asked if he was okay, and he replied with a head nod. we began speaking about video games, books, music, and ect. eventually, i ended up giving him my roblox username so we could play together. i don’t usually check my roblox messages because i do not get many, as 90% of the people i have added are friends or family members who i can call instead of texting within the app. when i checked it, ofc it was him. he texted me for multiple hours at a time, and i would’ve been fine with it if he hadn’t started calling me names i was not comfortable with, such as “sweetcakes”, “baby”, “my forever”, “my love”, and ect.. i confronted him about it in the nicest way possible, but he continued, so i started ignoring him and giving him signs to back off. this only led to him harassing me about it, and i wrote him a note, telling him to stop and that i was not comfortable. he turned to me and shook his head “no”, so then i walked out of the classroom and went to the dean. i showed the dean our messages, and the harassment i was receiving from the boy, and he called him to his office to talk to him about it. he came back to the classroom sobbing, and the school counselor called me out, and told me he had a learning disability. she was too loud and everyone heard. his harassment continued by him gaslighting me for rejecting him, so i told him off and blocked him on everything. i was on the phone with my friend while i was doing it, and it got around the school. everyone was calling me a bitch for hurting his feelings like that, knowing he has a special disability. i repsonded by saying that him having learning disabilities did not give him an excuse to harass me, but i can’t help but think about rather or not i went too far.. so aita? edit; i am reading the comments and i realized there had been a huge misunderstanding with the first paragraph.. i was not implying that kids with special abilities should be isolated from other students just because of their abilities. i actually was not implying anything except for the fact that people with special abilities should be given a little more sympathy for such acts, but should also be taught that it is wrong. my mom and sister have disabilities, and the last thing i would do is protest against kids with disabilities combining themselves with kids without them. i apologize for the confusion.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i(f14), attend an small k-8th school in ohio. for some reason, the school does not have special classes for people with learning disabilities, so that means kids with mental/physical disabilities are mixed in with students without them. that makes the kids with disabilities easy targets. i was at my lunch period, when i noticed a boy sitting alone. i approached him and asked if he was okay, and he replied with a head nod. we began speaking about video games, books, music, and ect. eventually, i ended up giving him my roblox username so we could play together. i don’t usually check my roblox messages because i do not get many, as 90% of the people i have added are friends or family members who i can call instead of texting within the app. when i checked it, ofc it was him. he texted me for multiple hours at a time, and i would’ve been fine with it if he hadn’t started calling me names i was not comfortable with, such as “sweetcakes”, “baby”, “my forever”, “my love”, and ect.. i confronted him about it in the nicest way possible, but he continued, so i started ignoring him and giving him signs to back off. this only led to him harassing me about it, and i wrote him a note, telling him to stop and that i was not comfortable. he turned to me and shook his head “no”, so then i walked out of the classroom and went to the dean. i showed the dean our messages, and the harassment i was receiving from the boy, and he called him to his office to talk to him about it. he came back to the classroom sobbing, and the school counselor called me out, and told me he had a learning disability. she was too loud and everyone heard. his harassment continued by him gaslighting me for rejecting him, so i told him off and blocked him on everything. i was on the phone with my friend while i was doing it, and it got around the school. everyone was calling me a bitch for hurting his feelings like that, knowing he has a special disability. i repsonded by saying that him having learning disabilities did not give him an excuse to harass me, but i can’t help but think about rather or not i went too far.. so aita? edit; i am reading the comments and i realized there had been a huge misunderstanding with the first paragraph.. i was not implying that kids with special abilities should be isolated from other students just because of their abilities. i actually was not implying anything except for the fact that people with special abilities should be given a little more sympathy for such acts, but should also be taught that it is wrong. my mom and sister have disabilities, and the last thing i would do is protest against kids with disabilities combining themselves with kids without them. i apologize for the confusion. [/INST] nta you were trying to be nice- asked him to back off but he didn't. i would advise telling your parents/guardians what happened at school and show them the messages as well if you can. word of advice tho: boys don't take hints. be direct with them. but even then, some won't take no. </s>
|
AITA for the fact that I no longer want to go to church.
|
i (m24) come from a large very religious family. throughout my childhood, i had to pray before every meal and before going to bed. on sundays, the morning was always reserved for the church. whenever something bad came on the news, i had to pray with the family. it became almost a full-time job.
the thing is, i'm not very religious. i believe that something or someone created everything, but i don't necessarily associate my existence with the church.
2 years ago i finally moved out, and haven't been to church since. however, i live only a few kilometers away. since i knew my family did not agree with this, i left them in the belief that i go to church in my village alone every sunday. last sunday, my mother wanted to visit me at the church on sunday and came several miles to the church near me. only to learn that the pastor there doesn't even know my name.
now the whole family is against me. they condemn me for no longer standing up for everything they have taught me. i was also not invited to the family dinner the day before yesterday (i have been going to my parents' dinner once a week since i moved out).
i feel bad and excluded. i love my family but my faith is just not the same. aita for neglecting my faith.
| 318 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sxujmt/aita_for_the_fact_that_i_no_longer_want_to_go_to/
|
2022-02-21 14:16:10
|
nta i went through something similar. it was difficult to start off with but ultimately i was so much happier. funnily enough one by one each of my family members left the church. i’m proud i was the first to break the cycles of religious abuse we were exposed to
|
nta- how christian of them to shun you for not going to church. your family sounds very toxic.
|
nta.
my parents were upset when i finally told them i’m not religious anymore. like, told me they were worried about my soul, my mom cried, at first asked me to go to church with them on holidays. which i did. i don’t have a vendetta against church or anything, and i still respect their beliefs and it was important to them that i attended at the time.
years later, it’s a non-issue. they don’t talk about faith/church with me often anymore, save for the occasional “ill pray for you,” if i’m experiencing stress or hardship (which lots of religious people do). i always accept these comments graciously, with the assumption they’re just being kind and because they love me.
your family will likely get over it in time. if they don’t, there are plenty of supportive ears! it’s not something to lose family over, so their loss if it came to that.
|
nta. you're allowed to have your own life and your own beliefs. it sounds a bit to me like your family are trying to guilt you into going back to church.
|
nta
if it isn’t for you then it isn’t for you.
this won’t be an unpopular post on reddit btw.
|
nta your parents need to accept you for who you are.
|
nta. they think their opinion is bigger than god's, common problem. you could try mentioning to them that if your christian family won't gather up stray family sheep they're not a good example of christian witness and you made the right decision to stop going to church since it's just a matter of whether or not it suits your social circle - their christianity only extends as far as other christians.
then sit outside their house on sunday at dinner with a big placard that reads matthew 25:35-40 and see how they like the public judgement.
|
nta
that being said, you kind of played into their hand by lying about it.
| null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m24) come from a large very religious family. throughout my childhood, i had to pray before every meal and before going to bed. on sundays, the morning was always reserved for the church. whenever something bad came on the news, i had to pray with the family. it became almost a full-time job. the thing is, i'm not very religious. i believe that something or someone created everything, but i don't necessarily associate my existence with the church. 2 years ago i finally moved out, and haven't been to church since. however, i live only a few kilometers away. since i knew my family did not agree with this, i left them in the belief that i go to church in my village alone every sunday. last sunday, my mother wanted to visit me at the church on sunday and came several miles to the church near me. only to learn that the pastor there doesn't even know my name. now the whole family is against me. they condemn me for no longer standing up for everything they have taught me. i was also not invited to the family dinner the day before yesterday (i have been going to my parents' dinner once a week since i moved out). i feel bad and excluded. i love my family but my faith is just not the same. aita for neglecting my faith.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (m24) come from a large very religious family. throughout my childhood, i had to pray before every meal and before going to bed. on sundays, the morning was always reserved for the church. whenever something bad came on the news, i had to pray with the family. it became almost a full-time job. the thing is, i'm not very religious. i believe that something or someone created everything, but i don't necessarily associate my existence with the church. 2 years ago i finally moved out, and haven't been to church since. however, i live only a few kilometers away. since i knew my family did not agree with this, i left them in the belief that i go to church in my village alone every sunday. last sunday, my mother wanted to visit me at the church on sunday and came several miles to the church near me. only to learn that the pastor there doesn't even know my name. now the whole family is against me. they condemn me for no longer standing up for everything they have taught me. i was also not invited to the family dinner the day before yesterday (i have been going to my parents' dinner once a week since i moved out). i feel bad and excluded. i love my family but my faith is just not the same. aita for neglecting my faith. [/INST] nta i went through something similar. it was difficult to start off with but ultimately i was so much happier. funnily enough one by one each of my family members left the church. i’m proud i was the first to break the cycles of religious abuse we were exposed to </s>
|
AITA for asking my Bro-in-law about his promise to help out when his wife’s million dollar inheritance came through?
|
a long time ago (approx 20 years), my brother in law and his wife sat down with us and made a sincere promise to help us out financially when his own wealthy father in law shuffled off. they also had the same conversation with my wife’s sister and her husband.
the inevitable happened 2 years ago and we haven’t heard anything from them regarding their promise.
my wife did not want me to confront him, but this week i did.
he and his wife “do not recall” ever saying anything and now all hell has broken loose with my bro in law accusing us of being leeches etc.
i am certain he remembered by the look on his face when i questioned him about it and by his aggressive behaviour since.
am i the asshole for going against my wife’s wishes and calling her brother on his bullshit? my wife has sided with him even though she knows he is lying.
| 156 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wgn8fv/aita_for_asking_my_broinlaw_about_his_promise_to/
|
2022-08-05 05:42:29
|
yta.
if they did give you anything, it would be very generous on their part but 20 year old promise or not, they don't owe you shit. especially not your wife's, brother's, wife's inheritance.
|
i mean it sucks that your bil didn’t follow through on the planned gift. but it was never your money and nothing was going to be accomplished by pushing it. and if it’s your wife’s family she should be the one deciding whether to push it. so yta.
|
i completely get your disappointment but yta. 20 years is plenty of time for the circumstances to have changed, the inheritance could be worth a lot less, fil could have a ton of debt that bil and his wife are now saddled with, etcetera.
|
yta they don't owe you anything, so asking about it was uncalled for especially when your wife the person actually related to him said not to bring it up.
you took it as a sincere promise but i doubt it was it was 20 years ago things change. even if they did say they would help/give you money you are still not owed it.
|
yta. they didn't owe you money. they made a promise 20 years ago! that was right after 9-11 ffs. people forget what they had for lunch two weeks ago, you have no idea what your brother in law does and doesn't remember from the bush administration!
you went against your wife and caused drama with her family because you felt entitled to inheritance money that wasn't yours. that's just tacky af
|
yta.
it would be incredibly generous if they offered, but a 20-year-old promise really doesn't stand. they truly don't owe you shit. also, your wife was right. going behind her back was disrespectful.
i think it's safe to say any chance of them deciding to give you money on their own is super dead. i hope you waited a bit before the ink was dry to hit him up.
|
a lot of life and things happens in 20 years, recollections of conversations vary. why do you think you're entitled to money from someone else's inheritance?
|
yta. that inheritance is solely that of your brother-in-law's wife. not even the bil is entitled to it (the wife certainly can share it with him but it is solely her money). from what i discern the bil is your wife's brother, so that makes you the furthest removed from the inheritance and the biggest ah in this scenario.
|
yes, yta because you went against your wife’s wishes. it’s her side of the family and her prerogative about whether to make a stink about the promise that bil clearly decided not to honor. whether he should or shouldn’t honor it isn’t really the point at hand; what matters is that you went against your wife on this.
|
your wife asked you not to stir up trouble but you did it anyway.
you weren’t even hoping for a positive outcome because you said yourself you were calling him on his bs.
obviously, this never would have been an issue if bil handled things differently so he’s also an a.
esh here except your wife.
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
|
YTA
| null |
YTA
|
YTA
|
ESH
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a long time ago (approx 20 years), my brother in law and his wife sat down with us and made a sincere promise to help us out financially when his own wealthy father in law shuffled off. they also had the same conversation with my wife’s sister and her husband. the inevitable happened 2 years ago and we haven’t heard anything from them regarding their promise. my wife did not want me to confront him, but this week i did. he and his wife “do not recall” ever saying anything and now all hell has broken loose with my bro in law accusing us of being leeches etc. i am certain he remembered by the look on his face when i questioned him about it and by his aggressive behaviour since. am i the asshole for going against my wife’s wishes and calling her brother on his bullshit? my wife has sided with him even though she knows he is lying.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a long time ago (approx 20 years), my brother in law and his wife sat down with us and made a sincere promise to help us out financially when his own wealthy father in law shuffled off. they also had the same conversation with my wife’s sister and her husband. the inevitable happened 2 years ago and we haven’t heard anything from them regarding their promise. my wife did not want me to confront him, but this week i did. he and his wife “do not recall” ever saying anything and now all hell has broken loose with my bro in law accusing us of being leeches etc. i am certain he remembered by the look on his face when i questioned him about it and by his aggressive behaviour since. am i the asshole for going against my wife’s wishes and calling her brother on his bullshit? my wife has sided with him even though she knows he is lying. [/INST] yta. if they did give you anything, it would be very generous on their part but 20 year old promise or not, they don't owe you shit. especially not your wife's, brother's, wife's inheritance. </s>
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.