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AITA for not giving up my exit row seat on an Airplane?
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i was flying from detroit to greensboro this afternoon and i was lucky enough to get an exit row when i asked the concierge at the desk. it really makes planes more bearable as i am 6'11" and have leg issues from collegiate sports.
i got on and when most people were boarding, this mom asked me if her 14 year old girl could have my exit row seat because she gets nauseated on planes. i was very confused about how that even works but she asked nicely so i just politely declined. she wasn't happy about it but she didn't really make a scene.
now 15 minutes into the flight this girl starts yakking all over the place (on her mom's laptop, the seat in front, the aisle, literally everywhere). i've literally never seen so much vomit in my life and the plane just reeked for the rest of it. by the end of the plane, it had caked into the carpet and was pooling under her chair.
i asked if everything was alright and the mom went off saying this was an entirely avoidable situation if i had of just traded seats with her. if i had of actually known this was gonna happen i probably would have sucked it up but i guess i didn't really think it would happen. by the end this mother had turned a couple rows against me and i was getting death stares. one woman said under her breath "if you're gonna be that tall, just buy first-class."
i asked my wife about it and she says i did nothing wrong but she's very high maintenance in public so i'm not sure how much i believe her. aita?
| 2,246 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f8ljvd/aita_for_not_giving_up_my_exit_row_seat_on_an/
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2020-02-24 04:07:27
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nta. you have to be 15 to sit in an exit row. it’s an faa regulation. also, why would and exit row matter in this situation?
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[removed]
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i’m going with nta because i cannot fathom how her being in that seat would have prevented the vomit river that ensued.
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nta who on earth asks a 6’11” person to take their seat with more leg room. there were 5 other seats in the exit row she could have asked to switch with. further more, is her daughter gets that sick she should have taken more precautions than hope someone would trade her seats.
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nta. did they stop offering vomit bags at some point? and if you know your kid gets sick on planes every time, why wouldn't you invest in some gallon size ziplocs?
> one woman said under her breath "if you're gonna be that tall, just buy first-class."
if you're gonna be a dick to people, just walk to your destination.
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nta a 14 year old can’t legally sit in the exit row anyway. mom’s right. it was avoidable, by taking a trip to the doctor ahead of time and getting proper medication for her daughter.
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def nta. ffs — that girl was 14, not a baby. gotta puke? get tf up and go to the restroom. and the mom obviously knew about her kids’ pukey condition and did nothing other than assume other ppl would accommodate her.
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> one woman said under her breath "if you're gonna be that tall, just buy first-class."
nta. pretty sure exit rows are all priority seating on the major three airlines, i.e. you have to pay extra for it. sure, sometimes a concierge can give it to you but maybe you have status or something.
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nta i really want to call the mom an asshole for not ensuring her kid had a better seat, if it would help the child not get sick. but maybe it was a last minute thing and out of the mom's control. even so, she should not have been an ass to you about it. there's more than one exit row seat and it's unfortunate they couldn't get the young lady in one, but that's not your fault.
can a fourteen year old even sit in the exit row? that sounds a little unsafe. i thought you had to be an adult.
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nta, as an experienced flyer myself. i'd n/a/h if people weren't being sweaty dicks about it, but they are.
especially this:
>one woman said under her breath "if you're gonna be that tall, just buy first-class."
except exit-row seats are very often paid-for because of the extra legroom. this is just absurd.
chances are, the mom's right — tight spaces plus movement can make nausea a helluvea time. but if the mom wanted (or in this case, needed) an exit-row seat, she should have called the airline and asked. or, she could have done what you did, which is just ask the front desk.
and further, if she knew the daughter needed special care, they should bring plastic bags and the like on the plane. the hell?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was flying from detroit to greensboro this afternoon and i was lucky enough to get an exit row when i asked the concierge at the desk. it really makes planes more bearable as i am 6'11" and have leg issues from collegiate sports. i got on and when most people were boarding, this mom asked me if her 14 year old girl could have my exit row seat because she gets nauseated on planes. i was very confused about how that even works but she asked nicely so i just politely declined. she wasn't happy about it but she didn't really make a scene. now 15 minutes into the flight this girl starts yakking all over the place (on her mom's laptop, the seat in front, the aisle, literally everywhere). i've literally never seen so much vomit in my life and the plane just reeked for the rest of it. by the end of the plane, it had caked into the carpet and was pooling under her chair. i asked if everything was alright and the mom went off saying this was an entirely avoidable situation if i had of just traded seats with her. if i had of actually known this was gonna happen i probably would have sucked it up but i guess i didn't really think it would happen. by the end this mother had turned a couple rows against me and i was getting death stares. one woman said under her breath "if you're gonna be that tall, just buy first-class." i asked my wife about it and she says i did nothing wrong but she's very high maintenance in public so i'm not sure how much i believe her. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was flying from detroit to greensboro this afternoon and i was lucky enough to get an exit row when i asked the concierge at the desk. it really makes planes more bearable as i am 6'11" and have leg issues from collegiate sports. i got on and when most people were boarding, this mom asked me if her 14 year old girl could have my exit row seat because she gets nauseated on planes. i was very confused about how that even works but she asked nicely so i just politely declined. she wasn't happy about it but she didn't really make a scene. now 15 minutes into the flight this girl starts yakking all over the place (on her mom's laptop, the seat in front, the aisle, literally everywhere). i've literally never seen so much vomit in my life and the plane just reeked for the rest of it. by the end of the plane, it had caked into the carpet and was pooling under her chair. i asked if everything was alright and the mom went off saying this was an entirely avoidable situation if i had of just traded seats with her. if i had of actually known this was gonna happen i probably would have sucked it up but i guess i didn't really think it would happen. by the end this mother had turned a couple rows against me and i was getting death stares. one woman said under her breath "if you're gonna be that tall, just buy first-class." i asked my wife about it and she says i did nothing wrong but she's very high maintenance in public so i'm not sure how much i believe her. aita? [/INST] nta. you have to be 15 to sit in an exit row. it’s an faa regulation. also, why would and exit row matter in this situation? </s>
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AITA for not letting a child go to the nurse's office?
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throwaway a and on mobile.
i (32f) work in a school. i'm not in the us so our grades are counted differently, but my students are between 12 and 14 years old. this story concerns a boy who is 13 and who i will call john.
john will often ask to go to the nurse's office during lessons, usually because he says he feels sick. i've been letting him go without a fuss because if he feels sick, he shouldn't be in class. but last week, i talked to the nurse and i asked if she's talked to john's parents about him being sick so often to see if there was something more serious going on. this is the nurse's responsibility in my country, and she would normally tell the teacher about the problem if it affects class a lot, which is why i asked. she told me he's never been to the nurse's office.
so of course i realize that john has been skipping class by saying he needs to go to the nurse's office and i'm pissed, because i haven't given him any absence marks because he had a valid reason to leave. i can't give him absence marks retroactively so he has full presence in my class, despite missing 15-20 minutes every other lesson.
the next time he says he's sick and needs to go to the nurse's office i ask him if it's serious enough that he needs to go to the hospital or if i need to call his parents. he looks surprised and says "no, i don't think so". so i say that he can't go to the nurse's office because it's not that serious. he stays for the rest of the lesson and shows no signs of being sick.
the day after this incident i get an angry call from john's mother. she tells me i have no right to deny her son medical attention. i tell her about him missing class and not going to the nurse's office, but she says that is irrelevant as i couldn't know if he was really sick or not this time. she told me she was bringing this to the principal and now i'm worried i messed up.
so reddit aita for not letting a student go to the nurse's office?
| 300 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ytgb0o/aita_for_not_letting_a_child_go_to_the_nurses/
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2022-11-12 19:37:48
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nta. but in the future with this kid i would do the following: before he leaves, call the nurse to expect him. when he doesn't show, then he is marked truant. at the same time you send him to the nurse, email mom about his nurse trip. every time. make a template email so it takes no time. every time he doesn't arrive at the nurse, call mom or email at your break to ask if she picked him up since he was so ill he didn't make it to the nurse.
inform your admin now before she muddies the message.
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i think you should've brought it up to the principal or admin when you originally found out, like you don't know where that kid is and god forbid smth actually happens to him, then he wouldn't be able to use the excuse to his parents
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do you have aids or proctors at your school? i would have a staff member escort this boy directly from your class to the nurse’s office. every time he asks to go.
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nta - he cried wolf too many times, you called him on his bullshit. his parent is continuing to defend his crappy behaviour because he went home and whined, instead of recognizing that her child being deceitful is the bigger problem. i'm sure your principal will side with you, when you explain the situation.
just next time, call the mom with your 'concern' before the kid has a chance to make you out as a villain - "hi ms x - just wanted to make you aware, little x keeps truanting lessons claiming he is unwell but the nurses have no record of him visiting them. he did ask again today but he seemed well, so i asked him to stay in the lesson. could you speak to him about the importance of not missing his education because i'm concerned about him falling behind or failing."
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ehh, nta but you need to come up with a better solution for how to handle this than denying him access to the nurse. as much as we all know little john isn’t really sick or going to the nurse, it just comes back negatively on you when his parents hear about it, as you’ve just experienced. you definitely should have immediately alerted his parents as soon as you realized he wasn’t actually going in the first place. that way everyone would have been on the same page. but for future, maybe have a staff member or even another trusted classmate escort him to the nurse to make sure he gets there. i’m sure once he figures out that he actually has to go to the nurse’s office, he will find himself feeling much better.
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nta, i don't think you're an asshole for this. i think you could have maybe called the parents/guardian to discuss it as soon as you found out about it instead of waiting to discuss it after denying the nurse visit though. i think that will give the mom time to hear the kid's story first and you know the parent is always going to give the kid the benefit of the doubt unless the kid is already just very clearly a "bad apple" and always getting into shady stuff (and even then they might still take the kid's side if presented first. a parent's love is strong y'know? can't fault them for wanting to see the best in their baby) regardless, i don't think you're the asshole.
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nta.. but we're talking borderline . sounds like the class needs another lesson in the boy who cried wolf. although next time i would do this differently and take one of the many suggestions of sending somebody with him, getting confirmation from the nurse that he showed up, as well as contacting his mom.
i have all of my kids's teachers in my email and if they have any concerns they can email me quite easily. as a mom we can only correct issues that we know are happening. if my kid came home and said that he was not allowed to go to the nurses office and i had not heard of him ever being sent to one then i probably would also have my hackles on end. she's also not completely wrong that past issues are irrelevant, how would you feel if he had suddenly thrown up all over your floor? remember in the boy that cried wolf story, the wolf eventually shows up... she should have been contacted the moment you noticed that there was an issue.. and i'm talking on your way out of the nurse's office a phone call or email should have been being done. you should have also went directly to your principal/administrator and let them know of the issue and what little john had been doing.
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i wouldn’t call you an asshole for that decision but the mother is absolutely right. irrelevant of past decisions and actions on your students part you can’t deny requested medical attention. he abused the system and took advantage of you but it’s not a privilege to see a doctor it’s a right. you’re also not all wrong and he was almost certainly lying again you just have to go about solving this situation differently.
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as a fellow educator, you sadly are going to get a yta.
but, i have to solution! as he leaves, call the nurses office on your classroom phone, loudly... (talking outloud while emailing the nurse is also nice because paper trail!)
also, my school allowed us to send a student with a sick student to the nurse.
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nta.
retired teacher here. the parent is the asshole for defending and enabling their son's behavior.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
| 0.057131 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway a and on mobile. i (32f) work in a school. i'm not in the us so our grades are counted differently, but my students are between 12 and 14 years old. this story concerns a boy who is 13 and who i will call john. john will often ask to go to the nurse's office during lessons, usually because he says he feels sick. i've been letting him go without a fuss because if he feels sick, he shouldn't be in class. but last week, i talked to the nurse and i asked if she's talked to john's parents about him being sick so often to see if there was something more serious going on. this is the nurse's responsibility in my country, and she would normally tell the teacher about the problem if it affects class a lot, which is why i asked. she told me he's never been to the nurse's office. so of course i realize that john has been skipping class by saying he needs to go to the nurse's office and i'm pissed, because i haven't given him any absence marks because he had a valid reason to leave. i can't give him absence marks retroactively so he has full presence in my class, despite missing 15-20 minutes every other lesson. the next time he says he's sick and needs to go to the nurse's office i ask him if it's serious enough that he needs to go to the hospital or if i need to call his parents. he looks surprised and says "no, i don't think so". so i say that he can't go to the nurse's office because it's not that serious. he stays for the rest of the lesson and shows no signs of being sick. the day after this incident i get an angry call from john's mother. she tells me i have no right to deny her son medical attention. i tell her about him missing class and not going to the nurse's office, but she says that is irrelevant as i couldn't know if he was really sick or not this time. she told me she was bringing this to the principal and now i'm worried i messed up. so reddit aita for not letting a student go to the nurse's office?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway a and on mobile. i (32f) work in a school. i'm not in the us so our grades are counted differently, but my students are between 12 and 14 years old. this story concerns a boy who is 13 and who i will call john. john will often ask to go to the nurse's office during lessons, usually because he says he feels sick. i've been letting him go without a fuss because if he feels sick, he shouldn't be in class. but last week, i talked to the nurse and i asked if she's talked to john's parents about him being sick so often to see if there was something more serious going on. this is the nurse's responsibility in my country, and she would normally tell the teacher about the problem if it affects class a lot, which is why i asked. she told me he's never been to the nurse's office. so of course i realize that john has been skipping class by saying he needs to go to the nurse's office and i'm pissed, because i haven't given him any absence marks because he had a valid reason to leave. i can't give him absence marks retroactively so he has full presence in my class, despite missing 15-20 minutes every other lesson. the next time he says he's sick and needs to go to the nurse's office i ask him if it's serious enough that he needs to go to the hospital or if i need to call his parents. he looks surprised and says "no, i don't think so". so i say that he can't go to the nurse's office because it's not that serious. he stays for the rest of the lesson and shows no signs of being sick. the day after this incident i get an angry call from john's mother. she tells me i have no right to deny her son medical attention. i tell her about him missing class and not going to the nurse's office, but she says that is irrelevant as i couldn't know if he was really sick or not this time. she told me she was bringing this to the principal and now i'm worried i messed up. so reddit aita for not letting a student go to the nurse's office? [/INST] nta. but in the future with this kid i would do the following: before he leaves, call the nurse to expect him. when he doesn't show, then he is marked truant. at the same time you send him to the nurse, email mom about his nurse trip. every time. make a template email so it takes no time. every time he doesn't arrive at the nurse, call mom or email at your break to ask if she picked him up since he was so ill he didn't make it to the nurse. inform your admin now before she muddies the message. </s>
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AITAH for getting mad my ex and best friend are dating and didn’t tell me?
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throwaway
my ex and i broke up around the end of march this year. no bad reasons except neither of us were really in a good mental state and since being in a relationship is difficult even without that we decided it was best to just brake up and figure stuff out first.
anyway fast forward to two days ago when i got a text from someone i know from school. she said that she heard about my ex and best friend dating and wanted to ask if i was ok. at first i thought i was reading it wrong so i read it over and over again until i realized that that was what was being said. i told her that i didn’t know they were and thanked her for telling me.
later on in the day i decided to text my ex to see if it was true. she immediately started saying how sorry she was that she didn’t tell me and how she was going to but just didn’t know how to say it. i asked how long they’ve been dating and apparently the got together not even a month after her and i broke up.
something important to add is i actually found out she cheated on me twice during our relationship. once with some random dude and another with this same friend she’s currently dating so i honestly wasn’t that surprised when i heard they were dating i was mainly just mad that neither of them told me.
so what i decided to do was text my friends and see if they knew too. apparently everyone knew but me and i honestly just felt so betrayed that people i’ve been calling friends since i moved here 5 years ago didn’t tell me something like this.
what i did probably wasn’t the smartest but i just ripped into my ex and i mean i went off and said things that i held back because i respected what we had but i was done with biting my tongue. after i was done(she didn’t reply)my friend texted me saying that what i said was uncalled for and i should’ve just let it all go. so then i basically told him to go to hell and and left it with that.
i got a lot of calls that night from my friends saying how they were really sorry they didn’t tell me and how they don’t deserve to be my friend. i told them it was ok and i forgive them but some others said that it was unnecessary and i should apologize to my ex and i said not until i get an explanation to why no one told me which i still haven’t got.
so, reddit, aita for getting mad that no one told me my ex and best friend are dating?
| 178 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hxhiqf/aitah_for_getting_mad_my_ex_and_best_friend_are/
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2020-07-25 05:34:28
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nta may the bridges you burn light the way. they should have told you instead of hiding it. honestly you're a better person than me. if i knew my gf was cheating she'd be dead to me.
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nta. and these people are *not* your friends, op. they hid this from you and then have the gall to suggest you apologise to your ex? to hell with that. your whole friend circle seems horrible. and i hope he's now your ex best friend.
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nta the fact this you even consider the guy a friend after he slept with your ex while you two were dating is a shocker. and honestly it sounds like your true friends know that you needed to get whatever you said off your chest. sure you might not have done it in the beat way possible, but holding in all the pain and suffering isn’t healthy, sometimes you can’t just “let it go.” honestly, i’d say stop associating with the “friend” and ex. because they obviously don’t have any respect for you.
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nta
your so called "best friend" isn't even a friend - while he's allowed to date her after you break up, morally.... you at least wait until your friend (meaning you) are over the break-up and in a better mindset.
remember that it takes two to tango; your gf and him are major assbutts.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway my ex and i broke up around the end of march this year. no bad reasons except neither of us were really in a good mental state and since being in a relationship is difficult even without that we decided it was best to just brake up and figure stuff out first. anyway fast forward to two days ago when i got a text from someone i know from school. she said that she heard about my ex and best friend dating and wanted to ask if i was ok. at first i thought i was reading it wrong so i read it over and over again until i realized that that was what was being said. i told her that i didn’t know they were and thanked her for telling me. later on in the day i decided to text my ex to see if it was true. she immediately started saying how sorry she was that she didn’t tell me and how she was going to but just didn’t know how to say it. i asked how long they’ve been dating and apparently the got together not even a month after her and i broke up. something important to add is i actually found out she cheated on me twice during our relationship. once with some random dude and another with this same friend she’s currently dating so i honestly wasn’t that surprised when i heard they were dating i was mainly just mad that neither of them told me. so what i decided to do was text my friends and see if they knew too. apparently everyone knew but me and i honestly just felt so betrayed that people i’ve been calling friends since i moved here 5 years ago didn’t tell me something like this. what i did probably wasn’t the smartest but i just ripped into my ex and i mean i went off and said things that i held back because i respected what we had but i was done with biting my tongue. after i was done(she didn’t reply)my friend texted me saying that what i said was uncalled for and i should’ve just let it all go. so then i basically told him to go to hell and and left it with that. i got a lot of calls that night from my friends saying how they were really sorry they didn’t tell me and how they don’t deserve to be my friend. i told them it was ok and i forgive them but some others said that it was unnecessary and i should apologize to my ex and i said not until i get an explanation to why no one told me which i still haven’t got. so, reddit, aita for getting mad that no one told me my ex and best friend are dating?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway my ex and i broke up around the end of march this year. no bad reasons except neither of us were really in a good mental state and since being in a relationship is difficult even without that we decided it was best to just brake up and figure stuff out first. anyway fast forward to two days ago when i got a text from someone i know from school. she said that she heard about my ex and best friend dating and wanted to ask if i was ok. at first i thought i was reading it wrong so i read it over and over again until i realized that that was what was being said. i told her that i didn’t know they were and thanked her for telling me. later on in the day i decided to text my ex to see if it was true. she immediately started saying how sorry she was that she didn’t tell me and how she was going to but just didn’t know how to say it. i asked how long they’ve been dating and apparently the got together not even a month after her and i broke up. something important to add is i actually found out she cheated on me twice during our relationship. once with some random dude and another with this same friend she’s currently dating so i honestly wasn’t that surprised when i heard they were dating i was mainly just mad that neither of them told me. so what i decided to do was text my friends and see if they knew too. apparently everyone knew but me and i honestly just felt so betrayed that people i’ve been calling friends since i moved here 5 years ago didn’t tell me something like this. what i did probably wasn’t the smartest but i just ripped into my ex and i mean i went off and said things that i held back because i respected what we had but i was done with biting my tongue. after i was done(she didn’t reply)my friend texted me saying that what i said was uncalled for and i should’ve just let it all go. so then i basically told him to go to hell and and left it with that. i got a lot of calls that night from my friends saying how they were really sorry they didn’t tell me and how they don’t deserve to be my friend. i told them it was ok and i forgive them but some others said that it was unnecessary and i should apologize to my ex and i said not until i get an explanation to why no one told me which i still haven’t got. so, reddit, aita for getting mad that no one told me my ex and best friend are dating? [/INST] nta may the bridges you burn light the way. they should have told you instead of hiding it. honestly you're a better person than me. if i knew my gf was cheating she'd be dead to me. </s>
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AITA for wanting my mother to acknowledge my difficult childhood?
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bit of backstory for context. when i was 11 my younger brother was diagnosed with a life threatening illness. obviously this sent our family life into a total tailspin. my dad was working full time (60 hours a week) and my mother was a stay at home mom. we lived in an unincorporated part of town, out in the country without any close neighbors, that was 30 minutes away from my middle school and since we lived so far away and it was a private school there was no bus. my dad was always working and my mom was always with my brother which obviously is understandable but this left me home alone often overnight for two to five nights at a time while he was receiving treatment about two hours from our home. during this time, i was responsible for getting myself to and from school, taking care of our home and animals, cooking for myself, laundry, and getting my school work done. this went on until i graduated from high school and moved away to college. we lived on the west coast with our nearest family 2500 away . overall i feel like this experience forced me to become extremely competent and resilient but was still a sucky part of my childhood. when talking to my mother recently about that time of our lives she said none of my experience was true. i was shocked and still had some of the emails i sent to set up rides with people from our church and friends parents along with a calendar of who was taking me to and from school on what days in my inbox. even upon showing her these emails she claims i was never left to my own devices at all and accused me of fabricating the stories/emails for sympathy. i understand that they did the best they could with the resources they had and don’t hold it against them. we ended up getting into a fight and i asked her not to contact me unless she’s ready to face reality. as a parent of my own kids i understand there are times when you’ve got nothing but a wing and a prayer to go on but am i the asshole for wanting to share my experiences with my mom about that time and how it affected me and get some recognition of how strange and harrowing those years were even though it does dredge up some of the most difficult and messy years of our lives?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q6qi2g/aita_for_wanting_my_mother_to_acknowledge_my/
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2021-10-12 16:52:18
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nta. a psychologist once said to me "your parents may have done their best, but their best wasn't good enough"
your mother is gaslighting you and your experiences. maybe it's time to put some distance between her. some parents will never acknowledge that they were neglectful people.
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i would play the “concerned” act the next time you see her.
“i’m sorry that i blew up last time, but i got really worried and concerned when i realized you seem to have lost almost 10 years of memory. it was very scary to witness that, and i didn’t handle it well. i think we need to set a doctor’s appointment if you truly don’t remember all those years”
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nta
it was definitely a hard situation to be in.
i think your mother knows it hasn't been easy for you, she just refuses to admit it because that would mean she somewhat failed as a parent. and admitting to the failure is never easy.
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nta
you were hurt and they unintentionally neglected you. it doesnt matter if they intended to but they did. i could understand your pain and disappointment by them denying what happened to you. she needs to acknowledge and apologize. she did the best she could but that left one child out.
therapy for both you guys may help you both come to terms but if she is adamant about denying your experience you may not be able to get a resolution with her.
at this point do what is best for your mental health because you need to healthy and whole for your children.
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your whole family went through some pretty rough times, and i am sorry this happened. you nailed it when you said that sometimes all you get by is on a wing and a prayer. unfortunately, your mother doesn't want to acknowledge how hard this was on you because it makes her feel like a bad mother. you were absolutely in the right to ask for space from you mother till she can honestly see the situation you were put in. nta
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nta. you were parentified, which is abuse. now your parents may have truly done the best that they could, but it doesn’t change the fact that you were forced to become a grownup at age 11. the fact that your mom won’t give you any credit for that whatsoever, is heartbreaking, a lie, and shameful on her part. she may be embarrassed but that doesn’t change what happened. i would limit contact even more if i were you.
great job doing everything you have done thus far, it’s more than most people with two attentive parents have.
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nta. sometimes hard things happen in life and families do the best they can with a small amount of resources. but the fact that she doesn’t acknowledge what happened and even lies to you about the facts, as opposed to recognizing what you have been through, being proud of how much you overcame and how well you did is a kick to the gut.
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nta, but realize that memory is genuinely malleable. she may genuinely believe she didn't leave you to your own devices as much as she did.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: bit of backstory for context. when i was 11 my younger brother was diagnosed with a life threatening illness. obviously this sent our family life into a total tailspin. my dad was working full time (60 hours a week) and my mother was a stay at home mom. we lived in an unincorporated part of town, out in the country without any close neighbors, that was 30 minutes away from my middle school and since we lived so far away and it was a private school there was no bus. my dad was always working and my mom was always with my brother which obviously is understandable but this left me home alone often overnight for two to five nights at a time while he was receiving treatment about two hours from our home. during this time, i was responsible for getting myself to and from school, taking care of our home and animals, cooking for myself, laundry, and getting my school work done. this went on until i graduated from high school and moved away to college. we lived on the west coast with our nearest family 2500 away . overall i feel like this experience forced me to become extremely competent and resilient but was still a sucky part of my childhood. when talking to my mother recently about that time of our lives she said none of my experience was true. i was shocked and still had some of the emails i sent to set up rides with people from our church and friends parents along with a calendar of who was taking me to and from school on what days in my inbox. even upon showing her these emails she claims i was never left to my own devices at all and accused me of fabricating the stories/emails for sympathy. i understand that they did the best they could with the resources they had and don’t hold it against them. we ended up getting into a fight and i asked her not to contact me unless she’s ready to face reality. as a parent of my own kids i understand there are times when you’ve got nothing but a wing and a prayer to go on but am i the asshole for wanting to share my experiences with my mom about that time and how it affected me and get some recognition of how strange and harrowing those years were even though it does dredge up some of the most difficult and messy years of our lives?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
bit of backstory for context. when i was 11 my younger brother was diagnosed with a life threatening illness. obviously this sent our family life into a total tailspin. my dad was working full time (60 hours a week) and my mother was a stay at home mom. we lived in an unincorporated part of town, out in the country without any close neighbors, that was 30 minutes away from my middle school and since we lived so far away and it was a private school there was no bus. my dad was always working and my mom was always with my brother which obviously is understandable but this left me home alone often overnight for two to five nights at a time while he was receiving treatment about two hours from our home. during this time, i was responsible for getting myself to and from school, taking care of our home and animals, cooking for myself, laundry, and getting my school work done. this went on until i graduated from high school and moved away to college. we lived on the west coast with our nearest family 2500 away . overall i feel like this experience forced me to become extremely competent and resilient but was still a sucky part of my childhood. when talking to my mother recently about that time of our lives she said none of my experience was true. i was shocked and still had some of the emails i sent to set up rides with people from our church and friends parents along with a calendar of who was taking me to and from school on what days in my inbox. even upon showing her these emails she claims i was never left to my own devices at all and accused me of fabricating the stories/emails for sympathy. i understand that they did the best they could with the resources they had and don’t hold it against them. we ended up getting into a fight and i asked her not to contact me unless she’s ready to face reality. as a parent of my own kids i understand there are times when you’ve got nothing but a wing and a prayer to go on but am i the asshole for wanting to share my experiences with my mom about that time and how it affected me and get some recognition of how strange and harrowing those years were even though it does dredge up some of the most difficult and messy years of our lives? [/INST] nta. a psychologist once said to me "your parents may have done their best, but their best wasn't good enough" your mother is gaslighting you and your experiences. maybe it's time to put some distance between her. some parents will never acknowledge that they were neglectful people. </s>
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AITA because I separated my dishes from my roommate's
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i (22m) am roommates with my partner (24m "william") and a roommate (25f "nancy"). it's a 3 bedroom apartment, so we just have a common living area to share, meaning a living room, dining room, and a small kitchen.
when we first moved in together, we started off sharing dishes, mostly because we have a small kitchen and partially because nancy didn't really have many dishes (any cups or plates or regular bowls).
nancy frequently left stuck on food on my dishes that i let her use. this led to food being gummed onto my dishes after being put through our shitty dishwasher. i addressed this 10 times verbally (face to face) over 6 months, and nothing ever changed.
the last time i addressed this, i made it clear that if nancy didn't change, something about our dishes situation would have to change. less than a week later, there was still no effort.
so i separated my dishes from the rest. i picked 2 cabinets and a drawer to store my things (we have 3 drawers and 8 cabinets for dishes total), and moved things around so that my stuff was in those places alone. i texted both my roommates not to use my dishes anymore.
i admit that i should've been way more clear in my message and should've clarified that i moved the kitchen around to reflect this separation.
when nancy got home that day, she flipped. started freaking out, almost crying because she would not get to use my non stick pans anymore (which she had previously scratched horribly without apology). she was extremely upset that i moved things without warning her. she was also extremely upset that i was using the kitchen for storage for stuff that was not communal anymore, even though i made sure to use less than 1/3 of our storage as 1/3 of the people living there.
we came to the agreement that if nancy could properly clean dishes for a month, we would try to reintegrate. we put in a system to hopefully get dishes done by every evening.
a month later, no old food caked on dishes (although i'm cautious because she basically didn't eat anything that could be stuck on in this time, and spent every weekend almost out of town). great!
a month after that, we are here today with nancy demanding that i reorganize the dishes back to exactly how they were before the separation 2 months ago. specifically that i do it. i told her it would be a cold day in hell before i did that myself, but she could do it herself to her heart's content. she insisted that she would not take on such a massive undertaking (it took me an hour and a half previously, and i organized the stuff pretty thoroughly while i was at it).
after i said "no" to her demand, she left that house meeting early, saying "i'm not dealing with this tonight".
i'm not crazy right? aita?
also, wtf do i do? how do i handle this?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ysal2h/aita_because_i_separated_my_dishes_from_my/
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2022-11-11 13:32:01
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nta your roommate needs to learn how to be an adult and take care of other people’s stuff. if it takes a month to learn how to wash dishes, it’s gong to be a slippery slope back to where you started when you reintegrate.
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she sounds like an entitled brat. what's stopping her from purchasing her own dishes? nta
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nta. i had a friend who kept all of her dishes in a large tote in her room because her roommate would take every dish into his room and they wouldn’t come back out for months. she decided that as they came out of the room she was cleaning them and keeping them in her room. he never said anything about the lack of dishes and just started buying paper plates.
also your roommate is lucky you are entering the idea of letting her use your pans since she has already shown she doesn’t know how to take care of them by scratching them up.
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nta.
she didn’t respect your property, you tried to talk about it and she ignored you.
this is the consequences of her own actions; she clearly isn’t used to being held accountable.
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nta. you have nancy plenty of opportunities to clean the dishes properly, and she has not stuck to her end of the agreement. she also ruined your cookware. the fact that she flipped out about not being able to use your pans is kind of bizarre to me…why can’t she go out and buy her own?
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nta any self respecting person would have done the same. honestly, everything should have been separated from the moment a roommate situation became involved. it keeps sooo many issues at bay. if you decide to go back to letting her use your stuff (which i wouldn't after that temper tantrum), leave the kitchen separated as is. reorganizing is unnecessary as it's not really an inconvenience to anyone but maybe her ego as it points out it isn't her property. if she decides to be disrespectful again you don't have to deal with separating your belongings again as it was never reintegrated as communal property even if treated as such.
she is definitely ta and disrespectful at best.
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nta. she didn’t treat your things with respect, even after several conversations. also, she doesn’t have a right to use your things because you’re roommates. if things don’t work out again, you can easily lock the cabinets.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22m) am roommates with my partner (24m "william") and a roommate (25f "nancy"). it's a 3 bedroom apartment, so we just have a common living area to share, meaning a living room, dining room, and a small kitchen. when we first moved in together, we started off sharing dishes, mostly because we have a small kitchen and partially because nancy didn't really have many dishes (any cups or plates or regular bowls). nancy frequently left stuck on food on my dishes that i let her use. this led to food being gummed onto my dishes after being put through our shitty dishwasher. i addressed this 10 times verbally (face to face) over 6 months, and nothing ever changed. the last time i addressed this, i made it clear that if nancy didn't change, something about our dishes situation would have to change. less than a week later, there was still no effort. so i separated my dishes from the rest. i picked 2 cabinets and a drawer to store my things (we have 3 drawers and 8 cabinets for dishes total), and moved things around so that my stuff was in those places alone. i texted both my roommates not to use my dishes anymore. i admit that i should've been way more clear in my message and should've clarified that i moved the kitchen around to reflect this separation. when nancy got home that day, she flipped. started freaking out, almost crying because she would not get to use my non stick pans anymore (which she had previously scratched horribly without apology). she was extremely upset that i moved things without warning her. she was also extremely upset that i was using the kitchen for storage for stuff that was not communal anymore, even though i made sure to use less than 1/3 of our storage as 1/3 of the people living there. we came to the agreement that if nancy could properly clean dishes for a month, we would try to reintegrate. we put in a system to hopefully get dishes done by every evening. a month later, no old food caked on dishes (although i'm cautious because she basically didn't eat anything that could be stuck on in this time, and spent every weekend almost out of town). great! a month after that, we are here today with nancy demanding that i reorganize the dishes back to exactly how they were before the separation 2 months ago. specifically that i do it. i told her it would be a cold day in hell before i did that myself, but she could do it herself to her heart's content. she insisted that she would not take on such a massive undertaking (it took me an hour and a half previously, and i organized the stuff pretty thoroughly while i was at it). after i said "no" to her demand, she left that house meeting early, saying "i'm not dealing with this tonight". i'm not crazy right? aita? also, wtf do i do? how do i handle this?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22m) am roommates with my partner (24m "william") and a roommate (25f "nancy"). it's a 3 bedroom apartment, so we just have a common living area to share, meaning a living room, dining room, and a small kitchen. when we first moved in together, we started off sharing dishes, mostly because we have a small kitchen and partially because nancy didn't really have many dishes (any cups or plates or regular bowls). nancy frequently left stuck on food on my dishes that i let her use. this led to food being gummed onto my dishes after being put through our shitty dishwasher. i addressed this 10 times verbally (face to face) over 6 months, and nothing ever changed. the last time i addressed this, i made it clear that if nancy didn't change, something about our dishes situation would have to change. less than a week later, there was still no effort. so i separated my dishes from the rest. i picked 2 cabinets and a drawer to store my things (we have 3 drawers and 8 cabinets for dishes total), and moved things around so that my stuff was in those places alone. i texted both my roommates not to use my dishes anymore. i admit that i should've been way more clear in my message and should've clarified that i moved the kitchen around to reflect this separation. when nancy got home that day, she flipped. started freaking out, almost crying because she would not get to use my non stick pans anymore (which she had previously scratched horribly without apology). she was extremely upset that i moved things without warning her. she was also extremely upset that i was using the kitchen for storage for stuff that was not communal anymore, even though i made sure to use less than 1/3 of our storage as 1/3 of the people living there. we came to the agreement that if nancy could properly clean dishes for a month, we would try to reintegrate. we put in a system to hopefully get dishes done by every evening. a month later, no old food caked on dishes (although i'm cautious because she basically didn't eat anything that could be stuck on in this time, and spent every weekend almost out of town). great! a month after that, we are here today with nancy demanding that i reorganize the dishes back to exactly how they were before the separation 2 months ago. specifically that i do it. i told her it would be a cold day in hell before i did that myself, but she could do it herself to her heart's content. she insisted that she would not take on such a massive undertaking (it took me an hour and a half previously, and i organized the stuff pretty thoroughly while i was at it). after i said "no" to her demand, she left that house meeting early, saying "i'm not dealing with this tonight". i'm not crazy right? aita? also, wtf do i do? how do i handle this? [/INST] nta your roommate needs to learn how to be an adult and take care of other people’s stuff. if it takes a month to learn how to wash dishes, it’s gong to be a slippery slope back to where you started when you reintegrate. </s>
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WIBTA if we have an “intervention” for a friend before she gets married?
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my friend (26 f) “becky" was set to get married later this month, a destination wedding. obviously, it ultimately had to get moved to next spring. it’s been a whirlwind of moving plans and guests, so she’s been super stressed. she and her fiancé (mark) are planning on getting the marriage certificate in a few weeks for insurance/housing/moral reasons as they are set to move in together in just a couple weeks.
the proposal actually took 2 tries. the first ended in her having a panic attack. the second, mark planned with us (friend group) which ended up with us basically planning it for him (buying the flowers, picking location, telling him when to get on a knee). he literally didn't even say anything, just "will you marry me." it was pretty weak overall. but she said yes, so we smiled and were happy for her.
the problem has come up where she has made some offhand comments that have raised some red flags within our friend group. becky will make comments about how she wishes her fiancé did this or that. or that she feels very uncomfortable in his home, that she’s about to move into, so much that she doesn’t even feel comfortable asking for a glass of water. she also constantly talks about how much he isn’t her type.
so now that there’s a bit more time before the actual ceremony, we want to raise some concerns to her to help her figure out if she really wants to marry mark. she feels a lot of pressure to stay with him as he is a safe choice and she has dealt with her parent’s marital issues in the last few years. we think she feels so much anxiety about doing the “right thing” that she is giving up her own happiness.
so will we be the assholes if we sit her down and voice our concerns? or will we look like ahs who are tearing down her relationship before her wedding?
&#x200b;
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i6wba6/wibta_if_we_have_an_intervention_for_a_friend/
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2020-08-10 02:19:46
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nta. it’s not really the proposal thing that got me, it’s more the panic attack and her obvious anxiety about the situation. intervention time.
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nta. sometimes good friends have to have difficult conversations. just make sure she understands that you are not against her marrying mark, so much that you want to make sure that this is what she really wants. that she deserves to be happy, comfortable, and safe and secure. if she's having anxiety attacks, a good friend asks questions.
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nta... but you will be the asshole if you let your friend end up with mark for the rest of her life.
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nta, especially considering she had a panic attack the first time, and talking about how he’s not her type when they’re going to get married is a huge red flag. but go into it well aware that she could end up being mad at you. people get defensive when their relationships are attacked, even if it’s just with truth that’s difficult to face. doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, but definitely make sure you’re prepared for the potential backlash from both of them.
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nah it is definitely concerning that she feels uncomfortable in his home and has panic attacks from him. i wouldnt straight up tell her to not marry him, but i would talk to her and really try to get her to think over the relationship. give her a safe space to discuss her situation without the pressure from her family and fiance.
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nta, but i probably wouldn’t go the full on intervention route. i personally would have each of your friends bring it up to her separately and in more natural ways than sitting her down and all of you bombarding her with your concerns. i just don’t see that likely working well.
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ywnbta bc you are coming from a place of genuine concern for your friend like idk even know this chick and i’m concerned too! however she will definitely say you guys are ta at first so just be prepared for that and don’t take it personally she’s gonna be in a whole world of hurt and confusion and will probably project some of it onto you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friend (26 f) “becky" was set to get married later this month, a destination wedding. obviously, it ultimately had to get moved to next spring. it’s been a whirlwind of moving plans and guests, so she’s been super stressed. she and her fiancé (mark) are planning on getting the marriage certificate in a few weeks for insurance/housing/moral reasons as they are set to move in together in just a couple weeks. the proposal actually took 2 tries. the first ended in her having a panic attack. the second, mark planned with us (friend group) which ended up with us basically planning it for him (buying the flowers, picking location, telling him when to get on a knee). he literally didn't even say anything, just "will you marry me." it was pretty weak overall. but she said yes, so we smiled and were happy for her. the problem has come up where she has made some offhand comments that have raised some red flags within our friend group. becky will make comments about how she wishes her fiancé did this or that. or that she feels very uncomfortable in his home, that she’s about to move into, so much that she doesn’t even feel comfortable asking for a glass of water. she also constantly talks about how much he isn’t her type. so now that there’s a bit more time before the actual ceremony, we want to raise some concerns to her to help her figure out if she really wants to marry mark. she feels a lot of pressure to stay with him as he is a safe choice and she has dealt with her parent’s marital issues in the last few years. we think she feels so much anxiety about doing the “right thing” that she is giving up her own happiness. so will we be the assholes if we sit her down and voice our concerns? or will we look like ahs who are tearing down her relationship before her wedding? &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my friend (26 f) “becky" was set to get married later this month, a destination wedding. obviously, it ultimately had to get moved to next spring. it’s been a whirlwind of moving plans and guests, so she’s been super stressed. she and her fiancé (mark) are planning on getting the marriage certificate in a few weeks for insurance/housing/moral reasons as they are set to move in together in just a couple weeks. the proposal actually took 2 tries. the first ended in her having a panic attack. the second, mark planned with us (friend group) which ended up with us basically planning it for him (buying the flowers, picking location, telling him when to get on a knee). he literally didn't even say anything, just "will you marry me." it was pretty weak overall. but she said yes, so we smiled and were happy for her. the problem has come up where she has made some offhand comments that have raised some red flags within our friend group. becky will make comments about how she wishes her fiancé did this or that. or that she feels very uncomfortable in his home, that she’s about to move into, so much that she doesn’t even feel comfortable asking for a glass of water. she also constantly talks about how much he isn’t her type. so now that there’s a bit more time before the actual ceremony, we want to raise some concerns to her to help her figure out if she really wants to marry mark. she feels a lot of pressure to stay with him as he is a safe choice and she has dealt with her parent’s marital issues in the last few years. we think she feels so much anxiety about doing the “right thing” that she is giving up her own happiness. so will we be the assholes if we sit her down and voice our concerns? or will we look like ahs who are tearing down her relationship before her wedding? &#x200b; [/INST] nta. it’s not really the proposal thing that got me, it’s more the panic attack and her obvious anxiety about the situation. intervention time. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to share the shower with my husband?
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tl;dr i think my husband ita for hijacking my shower, he thinks iata for not wanting to share.
long version:
i work full time and still nurse our youngest baby, between work and life and being tied at the boob to a small human i do not get the chance to shower as often as i would like. any time i do shower, there is a 90%+ chance that my husband will either join me or jump in after i turn on the water before i even get a chance to get in.
back in the day like ten years ago i used to think this was going to lead to some romantic foreplay, i quickly learned that is not the case - he genuinely just wants to shower. he is a foot taller than me so he towers over me and physically dominates the space of the shower, i feel cramped and without the room to properly shave all of my bits.
he typically showers at least 1-2 times a day, often bringing our two young kids in with him as he is a bit of a clean freak and after a large poopy diaper he would rather wash them thoroughly than have at it with baby wipes. as mentioned previously, i do not have as much opportunity to shower and feel like i want the alone time/space to do it properly when i do finally get to shower.
i told him he lacks chivalry for always hijacking my shower. he thinks he "only takes a minute" and that i shouldn't be a b**** about sharing.
so. am i the asshole?
edit to add: our bathroom is open to our bedroom, there is no separate door to lock (although the toilet is in its own alcove behind a door that can be locked). i would have to lock him out of the bedroom to lock him out of the shower, and he would inevitably need something from our room.
edit #2 to add: he did not call me any names, that was my own interpretation/language, i apologize for the misconception.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nmd68e/aita_for_not_wanting_to_share_the_shower_with_my/
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2021-05-27 17:50:40
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nta
i **don't even want to ask** what happens when your husband notices someone else is using the toilet without him.
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nta
you need to have a serious conversation with your husband about boundaries and respect.
be blunt. you taking a shower is not an invitation for him to take one as well.
---
edit to add: he lacks chivalry
never use chivalry in an argument to get a man to behave. the chivalric code had very little to do with how men treat women. the little it did have to say on the subject was really about keeping a woman in her place by positioning her as a fragile thing that needed a mans protection and help.
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nta a shower is so much more than getting physically clean (which is hard to do when he's blocking the water). it's mentally cleaning too, getting to wash away the day and just breathe by yourself for a moment is so important.
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nta. he needs to respect your privacy and space. he is ta.
(and is it possible to add a lock to the bathroom door?)
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nta. between being a parent of small people, nursing, and working, shower time is sacred alone time for you to relax. your husband has all day to shower, with or without the kids.
if he wants the sense of connection with you, it needs to be something you both enjoy.
(edited for clarity).
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nta. a mom with a busy life and a baby on the boob really needs a fucking break, and some alone time. he should be more considerate of you. i hope you can get your shower. try turning out the light, sounds crazy but it's amazing,
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nta.
people who think showering together is fun have clearly never done this before in an average shower cubicle with an average showerhead 🙄
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nta
you are allowed to have the restroom to yourself, privately. he can shower on his own time and doesn't need to share.
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nta - he's being weirdly possessive and that needs to stop. being close is one thing, but dang, calling you a bitch about not wanting to share? there's absolutely no reason for you to have to deal with that kind of crap. you deserve your own time in the shower. and...i hate to say it, but i think he needs some therapy for the multiple showers and showering the kids when they poop. total waste and probably creating mental things for later in life...
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nta you sound exhausted and entitled to a few minutes of peaceful solitude. him barging into that almost every single time is obnoxious. i assume you’re not in the shower for hours? he can wait a few minutes until you are done.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tl;dr i think my husband ita for hijacking my shower, he thinks iata for not wanting to share. long version: i work full time and still nurse our youngest baby, between work and life and being tied at the boob to a small human i do not get the chance to shower as often as i would like. any time i do shower, there is a 90%+ chance that my husband will either join me or jump in after i turn on the water before i even get a chance to get in. back in the day like ten years ago i used to think this was going to lead to some romantic foreplay, i quickly learned that is not the case - he genuinely just wants to shower. he is a foot taller than me so he towers over me and physically dominates the space of the shower, i feel cramped and without the room to properly shave all of my bits. he typically showers at least 1-2 times a day, often bringing our two young kids in with him as he is a bit of a clean freak and after a large poopy diaper he would rather wash them thoroughly than have at it with baby wipes. as mentioned previously, i do not have as much opportunity to shower and feel like i want the alone time/space to do it properly when i do finally get to shower. i told him he lacks chivalry for always hijacking my shower. he thinks he "only takes a minute" and that i shouldn't be a b**** about sharing. so. am i the asshole? edit to add: our bathroom is open to our bedroom, there is no separate door to lock (although the toilet is in its own alcove behind a door that can be locked). i would have to lock him out of the bedroom to lock him out of the shower, and he would inevitably need something from our room. edit #2 to add: he did not call me any names, that was my own interpretation/language, i apologize for the misconception.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
tl;dr i think my husband ita for hijacking my shower, he thinks iata for not wanting to share. long version: i work full time and still nurse our youngest baby, between work and life and being tied at the boob to a small human i do not get the chance to shower as often as i would like. any time i do shower, there is a 90%+ chance that my husband will either join me or jump in after i turn on the water before i even get a chance to get in. back in the day like ten years ago i used to think this was going to lead to some romantic foreplay, i quickly learned that is not the case - he genuinely just wants to shower. he is a foot taller than me so he towers over me and physically dominates the space of the shower, i feel cramped and without the room to properly shave all of my bits. he typically showers at least 1-2 times a day, often bringing our two young kids in with him as he is a bit of a clean freak and after a large poopy diaper he would rather wash them thoroughly than have at it with baby wipes. as mentioned previously, i do not have as much opportunity to shower and feel like i want the alone time/space to do it properly when i do finally get to shower. i told him he lacks chivalry for always hijacking my shower. he thinks he "only takes a minute" and that i shouldn't be a b**** about sharing. so. am i the asshole? edit to add: our bathroom is open to our bedroom, there is no separate door to lock (although the toilet is in its own alcove behind a door that can be locked). i would have to lock him out of the bedroom to lock him out of the shower, and he would inevitably need something from our room. edit #2 to add: he did not call me any names, that was my own interpretation/language, i apologize for the misconception. [/INST] nta i **don't even want to ask** what happens when your husband notices someone else is using the toilet without him. </s>
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AITA for telling my parents if they want me to buy a kindle, they should buy it with their own money
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tldr: my parents want me to buy a kindle with my b-day money, i want to buy something else.
so my birthday is in 5 days, and on my birthday i get a decent amount of money. i'm a big reader, but since the local library is closed due to the pandemic, i won't be able to take out books. since i don't have any books that i haven't read at least 5 times at home, i've been playing a lot more games on my computer. i had a general idea of what i wanted with my money, either a new game, or some in-game stuff in my favorite game. my parents wanted me to by a kindle, which i did not want at all. my birthday is the one of the only time i can spend over 30 bucks on anything i want, and i certainly didn't want to buy a kindle. i told them that if they want me to buy a kindle, they should do it with their own money.
| 1,098 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k6lkmg/aita_for_telling_my_parents_if_they_want_me_to/
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2020-12-04 14:10:59
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nta. also, if you have a smartphone or a tablet, you can download e-reader apps for free; such as kobo, nook, and even kindle. then you pay for the individual books but there are also things like daily deals, free ebooks, audio books, etc. its the better option in my opinion because you aren't spending money on the device.
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parents: *pester op into buying the kindle and say* "it will be like your personal library, noone but you will use it and u can have all the books in the world!"
op: *gets tired and finnaly buys the kindle*
parents 0.000001 seconds after delivery* ***our kindle***
nta. they wanna use ur personal/b'day money to buy something for everyone.
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nta. check with your local library to see if they are doing curbside service. they may also have ebooks to borrow via overdrive / libby or a similar app.
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nta, if you don't want to spend your money on that then don't, and if they want you to have one that badly it can be their gift to you.
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you can use kindle on any tablet or desk top. i am security guard who does nothing all day. i basically read on kindle on my work computer the entire shift.
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nta - your money. you should be able to spend it how you like. if it's important to your parents, let them "surprise" you with a kindle for christmas. btw, your library may have a service that allows you to download kindle books for three weeks, like an ordinary book.
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adding to the free e-books suggestions: [https://www.gutenberg.org/](https://www.gutenberg.org/)
hang onto your money, and spend some time reading e-books on your phone, tablet, or other computer. if your parents are reasonable, they'll soon come round.
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nta. this is your money.
also, i love my kindle and i've had several models since 2009, but if this is the only time you have over 30 dollars to spend on something, it's an extravagance, even if you wanted one.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: tldr: my parents want me to buy a kindle with my b-day money, i want to buy something else. so my birthday is in 5 days, and on my birthday i get a decent amount of money. i'm a big reader, but since the local library is closed due to the pandemic, i won't be able to take out books. since i don't have any books that i haven't read at least 5 times at home, i've been playing a lot more games on my computer. i had a general idea of what i wanted with my money, either a new game, or some in-game stuff in my favorite game. my parents wanted me to by a kindle, which i did not want at all. my birthday is the one of the only time i can spend over 30 bucks on anything i want, and i certainly didn't want to buy a kindle. i told them that if they want me to buy a kindle, they should do it with their own money.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
tldr: my parents want me to buy a kindle with my b-day money, i want to buy something else. so my birthday is in 5 days, and on my birthday i get a decent amount of money. i'm a big reader, but since the local library is closed due to the pandemic, i won't be able to take out books. since i don't have any books that i haven't read at least 5 times at home, i've been playing a lot more games on my computer. i had a general idea of what i wanted with my money, either a new game, or some in-game stuff in my favorite game. my parents wanted me to by a kindle, which i did not want at all. my birthday is the one of the only time i can spend over 30 bucks on anything i want, and i certainly didn't want to buy a kindle. i told them that if they want me to buy a kindle, they should do it with their own money. [/INST] nta. also, if you have a smartphone or a tablet, you can download e-reader apps for free; such as kobo, nook, and even kindle. then you pay for the individual books but there are also things like daily deals, free ebooks, audio books, etc. its the better option in my opinion because you aren't spending money on the device. </s>
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AITA because I refused to go work in my dad's second job, so he could renovate the house?
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so, that's a confusing headline but it's not that complicated. my dad got sick leave and my parents asked me to go to his second minijob instead of him, reasoning for this was that he can finish renovating the house. why do i need to go to his second work? he works for the same people and they accept that usually two or three people come to help him out, my brother does it (he gets paid for it). changing when he's sick isn't an issue for them either by the way.
now, the thing is that i work a full time job and it's about an hour of commute, it's a physical job and i am exhausted when i get home. but, i still agreed to help them out ,so i would get home, get an hour of free time then go to his work with my brother which lasted a few hours and then go home, make something for lunch and get to bed. the second job is only three times a week. i was completely exhausted, but i thought my dad is working at home.
well, when i got home on monday he didn't do anything, nada. then on tuesday, he didn't do anything either, then on thursday you guessed it! nothing. so, they asked me again for friday and i refused. thinking that my mom would side with me, because i was having a rough time and he didn't start on anything i shared my complaints with her, *well i was wrong*.
according to her it didn't matter if my dad did anything in the house, i agreed to go to his second work for him and that's it. to me that's unreasonable, because i am doing them a favor by working extra after my normal day of work, because i thought he would be doing something.
so, at the end i was a huge ungrateful, selfish bitch. and they asked my older sister to go on friday and what do you know, he started working that day.
&#x200b;
so, help me out here, was i an asshole for refusing to continue working?
| 549 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kq9xi8/aita_because_i_refused_to_go_work_in_my_dads/
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2021-01-04 14:38:14
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nta. you were being nice to your parents by agreeing to help, with the understanding that your dad would hold up his end of the bargain. he is not doing that. you're not an ah for refusing to go along with this. i'm assuming there's no health-related things keeping him from working around the house.
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nta. you weren't getting paid and he wasn't doing what he was supposed to be doing. also, did they yell at your older sister as well or just you?
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nta - you were getting played.
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nta either way, but were you getting paid for it? or was he just getting you to do his work for him?
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so your dad was still getting sick leave from job 1 and you were doing job 2 so he was still getting full pay for that...and he was having a holiday rather than the renovating that was the reason you agreed to cover for him in the first place?!?!
you are nta op. take a lesson from your big sister and say no next time. your dad was screwing you and job 1 employers over. he isn’t entitled to sick leave and he isn’t entitled to you working for nothing.
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nta you know your limitations physically and if this favor is too taxing after working your actual job then you shouldn’t be doing it. i understand what it’s like to feel obligated to help family especially when they’re sick but you need to take care of yourself as well
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nta and your dad is a piece of crap.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, that's a confusing headline but it's not that complicated. my dad got sick leave and my parents asked me to go to his second minijob instead of him, reasoning for this was that he can finish renovating the house. why do i need to go to his second work? he works for the same people and they accept that usually two or three people come to help him out, my brother does it (he gets paid for it). changing when he's sick isn't an issue for them either by the way. now, the thing is that i work a full time job and it's about an hour of commute, it's a physical job and i am exhausted when i get home. but, i still agreed to help them out ,so i would get home, get an hour of free time then go to his work with my brother which lasted a few hours and then go home, make something for lunch and get to bed. the second job is only three times a week. i was completely exhausted, but i thought my dad is working at home. well, when i got home on monday he didn't do anything, nada. then on tuesday, he didn't do anything either, then on thursday you guessed it! nothing. so, they asked me again for friday and i refused. thinking that my mom would side with me, because i was having a rough time and he didn't start on anything i shared my complaints with her, *well i was wrong*. according to her it didn't matter if my dad did anything in the house, i agreed to go to his second work for him and that's it. to me that's unreasonable, because i am doing them a favor by working extra after my normal day of work, because i thought he would be doing something. so, at the end i was a huge ungrateful, selfish bitch. and they asked my older sister to go on friday and what do you know, he started working that day. &#x200b; so, help me out here, was i an asshole for refusing to continue working?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, that's a confusing headline but it's not that complicated. my dad got sick leave and my parents asked me to go to his second minijob instead of him, reasoning for this was that he can finish renovating the house. why do i need to go to his second work? he works for the same people and they accept that usually two or three people come to help him out, my brother does it (he gets paid for it). changing when he's sick isn't an issue for them either by the way. now, the thing is that i work a full time job and it's about an hour of commute, it's a physical job and i am exhausted when i get home. but, i still agreed to help them out ,so i would get home, get an hour of free time then go to his work with my brother which lasted a few hours and then go home, make something for lunch and get to bed. the second job is only three times a week. i was completely exhausted, but i thought my dad is working at home. well, when i got home on monday he didn't do anything, nada. then on tuesday, he didn't do anything either, then on thursday you guessed it! nothing. so, they asked me again for friday and i refused. thinking that my mom would side with me, because i was having a rough time and he didn't start on anything i shared my complaints with her, *well i was wrong*. according to her it didn't matter if my dad did anything in the house, i agreed to go to his second work for him and that's it. to me that's unreasonable, because i am doing them a favor by working extra after my normal day of work, because i thought he would be doing something. so, at the end i was a huge ungrateful, selfish bitch. and they asked my older sister to go on friday and what do you know, he started working that day. &#x200b; so, help me out here, was i an asshole for refusing to continue working? [/INST] nta. you were being nice to your parents by agreeing to help, with the understanding that your dad would hold up his end of the bargain. he is not doing that. you're not an ah for refusing to go along with this. i'm assuming there's no health-related things keeping him from working around the house. </s>
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AITA for refusing to be my mom’s personal caretaker?
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so my mother has been chronically ill her whole life, both physical and mental disabilities. i’ve spent a good portion of my life taking care of her, cleaning her house, running errands, etc. i’m nineteen, in school, and working a full time job. when i graduated high school my mother sent me an email with a link on how to legally become a pca, which i never had any intention of becoming so i chalked it up to her being a bit confused (a side effect of mental disabilities) and went about my life until my step-dad reached out to me with the same article. i asked why they we’re sending me this, and he responded that they had assumed that i would become my mother’s personal caretaker once i graduated. i told him i wouldn’t be able to do that with my college classes and working full time. he then told me to quit my current job, even thought i would only be paid about half of what i was making at my current job when i became a pca. i declined the offer because, quite honestly, taking care of my mother is exhausting, and i’ve been doing it for nearly twenty years. i was then cussed out for being selfish, because she’s my mother and it’s my job to take care of her. he told me i was going to bankrupt them if they had to pay full price for a pca and letting a stranger into the house could possibly be mentally damaging to my mother. this happened about a week ago now, and i haven’t spoken to my step-dad or my mom since. i understand why they’re angry, i am acting selfishly by refusing the offer, but i’ve finally gained some independence by moving away for college and getting a full time job, and i’m just not willing to throw that away. aita?
| 829 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p0txb5/aita_for_refusing_to_be_my_moms_personal_caretaker/
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2021-08-09 04:04:53
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nta
you are 19. you are not supposed to sacrifice yourself for your parents. you are supposed to be building the foundation for your future.
you are their child, not a pre-made caretaker template.
there are resources out there for families who need assistance in situations like this. have them research those instead.
do not feel guilty.
none of this is your fault or your responsibility.
you are not being selfish.
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nta, you’re 19, you have took care of her most of your life already and you should be given a chance to live your own life and make your own decision. maybe your stepdad can be the caretaker, then maybe they don’t have to pay salary and won’t be bankrupt.
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nta. it is literally the quite opposite of your job to take care of your mother. the parents are supposed to take care of you. sucks that she’s disabled, but that’s not your responsibility.
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nta. you’re not acting “selfishly”. you’re being normal. your stepfather and mother are being monumentally selfish thinking you should put your life on hold to work for peanuts for them. the best gift you can give is your own independence. seriously. do you want to reach the age of 30 with the only thing you have to show for it being years of drudgery taking care of your entitled mother?
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nta - so sorry they are trying to guilt trip you into this responsibility which is clearly not yours.
they are the ones who are selfish, you are young and just starting life with endless possibilities. why would they want to cheat you out of that?
remind your stepdad about the "for better or worse" commitment he made, and tell him it is his responsibility to be her caretaker, or get another job so they can afford it.
move forward guilt free, and just help out occasionally when you can without sacrificing your entire life!
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nope, you are definitely nta. your stepdad and mom need to figure it out. in fact, they should have figured it out a long time ago instead of relying on you. it’s not right that they assumed that you would put your life on hold to be your mom’s caretaker. your mom can probably get disability assistance and possibly medicaid. send them the link to your county’s social services department.
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nta, i beg you to not get sucked into that vortex. focus on stabilizing yourself and becoming financially independent instead of throwing away some of the most important years for personal/ self growth.
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nta. you're their child, not their caretaker. some people can handle that amount if work, but some can't, and that's fine.
also, why isn't your stepdad taking care of her? isn't it supposed to be the spouse's job to be there for their partner "in sickness and in health?" if they have trouble with the cost, they may be able to look into getting disability assistance.
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nta, tell stepdad that he can either
1. get a job and check into assistance or
2. take care of her himself.
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nta.
you need to get away from these people who call themselves your parents. they do not have your best interests at heart.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my mother has been chronically ill her whole life, both physical and mental disabilities. i’ve spent a good portion of my life taking care of her, cleaning her house, running errands, etc. i’m nineteen, in school, and working a full time job. when i graduated high school my mother sent me an email with a link on how to legally become a pca, which i never had any intention of becoming so i chalked it up to her being a bit confused (a side effect of mental disabilities) and went about my life until my step-dad reached out to me with the same article. i asked why they we’re sending me this, and he responded that they had assumed that i would become my mother’s personal caretaker once i graduated. i told him i wouldn’t be able to do that with my college classes and working full time. he then told me to quit my current job, even thought i would only be paid about half of what i was making at my current job when i became a pca. i declined the offer because, quite honestly, taking care of my mother is exhausting, and i’ve been doing it for nearly twenty years. i was then cussed out for being selfish, because she’s my mother and it’s my job to take care of her. he told me i was going to bankrupt them if they had to pay full price for a pca and letting a stranger into the house could possibly be mentally damaging to my mother. this happened about a week ago now, and i haven’t spoken to my step-dad or my mom since. i understand why they’re angry, i am acting selfishly by refusing the offer, but i’ve finally gained some independence by moving away for college and getting a full time job, and i’m just not willing to throw that away. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my mother has been chronically ill her whole life, both physical and mental disabilities. i’ve spent a good portion of my life taking care of her, cleaning her house, running errands, etc. i’m nineteen, in school, and working a full time job. when i graduated high school my mother sent me an email with a link on how to legally become a pca, which i never had any intention of becoming so i chalked it up to her being a bit confused (a side effect of mental disabilities) and went about my life until my step-dad reached out to me with the same article. i asked why they we’re sending me this, and he responded that they had assumed that i would become my mother’s personal caretaker once i graduated. i told him i wouldn’t be able to do that with my college classes and working full time. he then told me to quit my current job, even thought i would only be paid about half of what i was making at my current job when i became a pca. i declined the offer because, quite honestly, taking care of my mother is exhausting, and i’ve been doing it for nearly twenty years. i was then cussed out for being selfish, because she’s my mother and it’s my job to take care of her. he told me i was going to bankrupt them if they had to pay full price for a pca and letting a stranger into the house could possibly be mentally damaging to my mother. this happened about a week ago now, and i haven’t spoken to my step-dad or my mom since. i understand why they’re angry, i am acting selfishly by refusing the offer, but i’ve finally gained some independence by moving away for college and getting a full time job, and i’m just not willing to throw that away. aita? [/INST] nta you are 19. you are not supposed to sacrifice yourself for your parents. you are supposed to be building the foundation for your future. you are their child, not a pre-made caretaker template. there are resources out there for families who need assistance in situations like this. have them research those instead. do not feel guilty. none of this is your fault or your responsibility. you are not being selfish. </s>
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AITA for preventing my friend from seeing his newborn baby
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this literally just happened so i’m still a bit emotional and waiting on my friend.
my friend stacy just gave birth to a baby boy. the baby’s father, justin, is currently an addict. when he and stacy started dating, he was 4 months sober but about a year ago (2 years into their relationship), he relapsed. he’s been promising stacy that he won’t use and he’ll go to rehab. she left him and since, he’s promised to stay clean. when my fiancé confronted him (today), he was still using and stacy decided that she can’t rely on him.
though he has this problem, justin really is a sweet, caring guy. he’s helped me and my fiancé countless times and generally a fun, down to earth guy. if he didn’t have an addiction, he’d be a great father. he’s so good to my little one.
stacy does not want him to be there right now because she thinks he’s unstable and still using. she’s worried for the baby’s safety and i share her concern. we’ve both never dealt with addicts prior to this before. stacy asked me and my fiancé to ask justin to leave if he showed up.
well, he did come and my fiancé and i did what stacy asked. he did not take it well and caused a scene. security escorted him out immediately. to our defense, he looked high.
justin’s really upset right now and sent me a text about how i betrayed him when he’s only been good to me. he says he just wants to see his child. i really feel for him and tried asking stacy if she’s sure. but she says she is and i don’t want to overstep since this is her and her child safety. aita?
| 2,700 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/io36dw/aita_for_preventing_my_friend_from_seeing_his/
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2020-09-07 07:32:59
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nta - tell him to get clean and stay clean if he wants to be a father to his child. help him go to rehab or find other needed support if you want to help.
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i've got a few addicts in my family. addiction is a hard, hard battle! they've stolen from everyone just to get a fix. there are times when they are sober and wonderful people, but there will always be times when they return to that substance.
you're nta for quite a few reasons:
1) you knew your friend was high and didn't let him in.
2) you honored stacy's wishes and that's a huge thing with new moms.
3) you are not betraying your friend by protecting his child.
4) even when you saw how upset he was, you continued to stand your ground.
you did what was right and you shouldn't feel bad for it at all. hopefully this leads justin to get back on the right path. one of my cousin's children saw he got arrested and just laughed saying he deserved it. she wasn't wrong, but she knows what her father is into and why he was committing that crime.
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nta none of this is up to you. its between justin and stacy. all you can do is listen and advise him to get healthy for his baby. point him in the right direction.
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you're definitely nta for doing what your friend asked you to. that is a really tricky situation but i think that stacy should decide who can see her baby considering she just gave birth to them. hopefully, justin will get clean and stay clean so he can be a father to his child.
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nta, addicts are addicts. i too fell in love with an addict and when they relapse they are not the same person. i can’t keep typing about that cause i’ll cry.
anyway, tell justin that when he wants to get clean again and turn back into himself he can meet his kid. in the meantime his kid isn’t going to meet some strung out drug addict.
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children are not emotional props for grown men. nta
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nta. justin will have to decide if the drugs are more important than his child.
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nta
i’m the daughter of an addict that overdosed when i was 4. my family was never tough on his issues and he had access to me often.
i loved him and his death devastated me, but my tiny toddler brain knew this man wasn’t my caretaker, i saw his lack of structure and respect for my mom. quite frankly he intimidated me and i wish he’d had access to suitable care and a supportive network full of people willing to implement tough love.
keep the mother and baby away from the dad. it sucks, but it’s could be what’s best for their mental health.
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the problem with many addicts is that they'll often lash out when confronted with the obstacles/consequences their addiction causes, or when they need to get their fix. he'll say whatever mean thing that comes to mind, because he's unable to look at himself.
when he's sober, he'll thank you. just realize that when talking to an addict that's actively using or looking to use substances, you will be on the receiving end of their anger and the cause of their suffering.
just keep repeating this to him, in every single way: "justin, you'll be able to see your child if you're sober for a while. we're not keeping the baby away from you." don't engage in any other form of discussion and never hesitate to call the police. addiction can make the sweetest guy in the world go crazy.
it seems your friend will be a good mother and you're a great friend.
nta
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nta and it is especially clear when you consider the alternatives.
"aita for pressuring my friend hours after labor to let her visibly high ex in to see their baby after she asked me to prevent him from coming in? he freaked out about their separation and terrified her and the baby."
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this literally just happened so i’m still a bit emotional and waiting on my friend. my friend stacy just gave birth to a baby boy. the baby’s father, justin, is currently an addict. when he and stacy started dating, he was 4 months sober but about a year ago (2 years into their relationship), he relapsed. he’s been promising stacy that he won’t use and he’ll go to rehab. she left him and since, he’s promised to stay clean. when my fiancé confronted him (today), he was still using and stacy decided that she can’t rely on him. though he has this problem, justin really is a sweet, caring guy. he’s helped me and my fiancé countless times and generally a fun, down to earth guy. if he didn’t have an addiction, he’d be a great father. he’s so good to my little one. stacy does not want him to be there right now because she thinks he’s unstable and still using. she’s worried for the baby’s safety and i share her concern. we’ve both never dealt with addicts prior to this before. stacy asked me and my fiancé to ask justin to leave if he showed up. well, he did come and my fiancé and i did what stacy asked. he did not take it well and caused a scene. security escorted him out immediately. to our defense, he looked high. justin’s really upset right now and sent me a text about how i betrayed him when he’s only been good to me. he says he just wants to see his child. i really feel for him and tried asking stacy if she’s sure. but she says she is and i don’t want to overstep since this is her and her child safety. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this literally just happened so i’m still a bit emotional and waiting on my friend. my friend stacy just gave birth to a baby boy. the baby’s father, justin, is currently an addict. when he and stacy started dating, he was 4 months sober but about a year ago (2 years into their relationship), he relapsed. he’s been promising stacy that he won’t use and he’ll go to rehab. she left him and since, he’s promised to stay clean. when my fiancé confronted him (today), he was still using and stacy decided that she can’t rely on him. though he has this problem, justin really is a sweet, caring guy. he’s helped me and my fiancé countless times and generally a fun, down to earth guy. if he didn’t have an addiction, he’d be a great father. he’s so good to my little one. stacy does not want him to be there right now because she thinks he’s unstable and still using. she’s worried for the baby’s safety and i share her concern. we’ve both never dealt with addicts prior to this before. stacy asked me and my fiancé to ask justin to leave if he showed up. well, he did come and my fiancé and i did what stacy asked. he did not take it well and caused a scene. security escorted him out immediately. to our defense, he looked high. justin’s really upset right now and sent me a text about how i betrayed him when he’s only been good to me. he says he just wants to see his child. i really feel for him and tried asking stacy if she’s sure. but she says she is and i don’t want to overstep since this is her and her child safety. aita? [/INST] nta - tell him to get clean and stay clean if he wants to be a father to his child. help him go to rehab or find other needed support if you want to help. </s>
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AITA refusing to house my drug addict Sister-in-law and her Husband during a Hurricane
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throw away account for obvious reasons.
&#x200b;
i'm married to a wonderful woman who is the love of my life. we have been married for several years now, and about 6 months ago, her oldest sister whom she hasn't spoken to or heard from for nearly 12 years suddenly came back into her life.
&#x200b;
her sister married a man who is a known drug abuser. this man has been arrested multiple times for possession and distribution of cocaine. they also had 3 small children together, oldest being 8, youngest is 3. earlier this year, the husband lost his job as a cook for mcdonald's due to using cocaine during working hours and they ended up being evicted from their home since they missed too many payments for their rent. they moved in with my in-laws, under the circumstance that they would find a place within 3 months time. well, 3 months came and went and they still didn't' find a place to live. the husband was working as a part-time cook for a local restaurant, until a few weeks ago he was fired for using cocaine again. my wife's sister refuses to work because "her kids are her job".
&#x200b;
so my wife's family live on the eastern coast of florida, about 20 minutes from the beach. my wife and i reside in central florida, we recently purchased a new home and are planning on having children soon. we are both financially stable with decent-paying jobs. my in-laws, whom i love very dearly are asking if hurricane dorian gets above category 2, if they could stay with us, since we are more in-land.
&#x200b;
if it was just the in-laws, i would have no problem with them staying, we have plenty of room. however, my deadbeat sister and her drug-abusing husband is another story. besides my in-laws, they have no other place to stay for the hurricane, and they also have 3 small children. my wife is saying that we should just house them and then send them away after the hurricane passes. what i am worried about if we do shelter them during the storm, they will demand that we let them move in, as they did with my in-laws. we also live in a good neighborhood and i don't want a known drug addict under my roof.
&#x200b;
i told my wife i do not want them under my roof under any circumstance. i told her that it is unfortunate that they lost their home, but they chose to do what they did. i don't feel i am responsible for looking out for them when they obviously do not care about anyone but themselves.
&#x200b;
what harms me the most about this are the children who are innocent in this whole debacle. i told my wife that i would gladly house them during the storm, but not her sister or the husband.
&#x200b;
aita?
&#x200b;
&#x200b;
| 569 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cx5k0g/aita_refusing_to_house_my_drug_addict_sisterinlaw/
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2019-08-29 19:24:50
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nta but to compromise with your wife, could you spring for putting them up in a cheap motel for a night or two until the hurricane passes?
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nta, people like this often know how to abuse tenancy laws and may refuse to leave after the hurricane. not worth the risk. also, the west coast is safer right now than orlando.
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no nta
as a drug addict (weed), and i still say nta. if you wanna do drugs, that's fine, but have a least a bit of responsibility about it. dude got fired for using cocaine at work twice?!? yeah well... not your responsibility.
plus you did offer to take in the kids. you offered more than enough.
nta, not even a little
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nta
call cps on their asses
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nta
&#x200b;
i like what another poster said about putting them up in a hotel.
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nta..shelters will open up if the storm gets bad enough. all are welcome there.
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nta this is your home and they are drug addicts. they could've easily avoided this struggle for simply not doing drugs but nope. their struggle is their responsibility.
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nta , fuck em, if it was a one time thing maybe , but continued drug abuse is another story. hell . no.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throw away account for obvious reasons. &#x200b; i'm married to a wonderful woman who is the love of my life. we have been married for several years now, and about 6 months ago, her oldest sister whom she hasn't spoken to or heard from for nearly 12 years suddenly came back into her life. &#x200b; her sister married a man who is a known drug abuser. this man has been arrested multiple times for possession and distribution of cocaine. they also had 3 small children together, oldest being 8, youngest is 3. earlier this year, the husband lost his job as a cook for mcdonald's due to using cocaine during working hours and they ended up being evicted from their home since they missed too many payments for their rent. they moved in with my in-laws, under the circumstance that they would find a place within 3 months time. well, 3 months came and went and they still didn't' find a place to live. the husband was working as a part-time cook for a local restaurant, until a few weeks ago he was fired for using cocaine again. my wife's sister refuses to work because "her kids are her job". &#x200b; so my wife's family live on the eastern coast of florida, about 20 minutes from the beach. my wife and i reside in central florida, we recently purchased a new home and are planning on having children soon. we are both financially stable with decent-paying jobs. my in-laws, whom i love very dearly are asking if hurricane dorian gets above category 2, if they could stay with us, since we are more in-land. &#x200b; if it was just the in-laws, i would have no problem with them staying, we have plenty of room. however, my deadbeat sister and her drug-abusing husband is another story. besides my in-laws, they have no other place to stay for the hurricane, and they also have 3 small children. my wife is saying that we should just house them and then send them away after the hurricane passes. what i am worried about if we do shelter them during the storm, they will demand that we let them move in, as they did with my in-laws. we also live in a good neighborhood and i don't want a known drug addict under my roof. &#x200b; i told my wife i do not want them under my roof under any circumstance. i told her that it is unfortunate that they lost their home, but they chose to do what they did. i don't feel i am responsible for looking out for them when they obviously do not care about anyone but themselves. &#x200b; what harms me the most about this are the children who are innocent in this whole debacle. i told my wife that i would gladly house them during the storm, but not her sister or the husband. &#x200b; aita? &#x200b; &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throw away account for obvious reasons. &#x200b; i'm married to a wonderful woman who is the love of my life. we have been married for several years now, and about 6 months ago, her oldest sister whom she hasn't spoken to or heard from for nearly 12 years suddenly came back into her life. &#x200b; her sister married a man who is a known drug abuser. this man has been arrested multiple times for possession and distribution of cocaine. they also had 3 small children together, oldest being 8, youngest is 3. earlier this year, the husband lost his job as a cook for mcdonald's due to using cocaine during working hours and they ended up being evicted from their home since they missed too many payments for their rent. they moved in with my in-laws, under the circumstance that they would find a place within 3 months time. well, 3 months came and went and they still didn't' find a place to live. the husband was working as a part-time cook for a local restaurant, until a few weeks ago he was fired for using cocaine again. my wife's sister refuses to work because "her kids are her job". &#x200b; so my wife's family live on the eastern coast of florida, about 20 minutes from the beach. my wife and i reside in central florida, we recently purchased a new home and are planning on having children soon. we are both financially stable with decent-paying jobs. my in-laws, whom i love very dearly are asking if hurricane dorian gets above category 2, if they could stay with us, since we are more in-land. &#x200b; if it was just the in-laws, i would have no problem with them staying, we have plenty of room. however, my deadbeat sister and her drug-abusing husband is another story. besides my in-laws, they have no other place to stay for the hurricane, and they also have 3 small children. my wife is saying that we should just house them and then send them away after the hurricane passes. what i am worried about if we do shelter them during the storm, they will demand that we let them move in, as they did with my in-laws. we also live in a good neighborhood and i don't want a known drug addict under my roof. &#x200b; i told my wife i do not want them under my roof under any circumstance. i told her that it is unfortunate that they lost their home, but they chose to do what they did. i don't feel i am responsible for looking out for them when they obviously do not care about anyone but themselves. &#x200b; what harms me the most about this are the children who are innocent in this whole debacle. i told my wife that i would gladly house them during the storm, but not her sister or the husband. &#x200b; aita? &#x200b; &#x200b; [/INST] nta but to compromise with your wife, could you spring for putting them up in a cheap motel for a night or two until the hurricane passes? </s>
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AITA for calling my (16F) mother a "fucking control freak" when she called my friend (16M) and told him to cut contact with me?
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hello reddit,
i have a friend who we can call m. m and i are both chinese-americans, and we've been friends for about 5 years. m has been there for me through some really difficult times and is one of my closest friends. the issue is that my mother absolutely despises m. when asked why, she cites the following reasons:
1. once, in 7th grade, m responded to a teacher asking a question by saying something along the lines of "i'm asian, so my eyes are too small to see what's on the board." while i ... wasn't the happiest about this comment, i can see why m did that. being constantly viewed as foreigners in america is really hard, especially on teenagers, so sometimes we feel the need to distance ourselves from our race in order to seem more "acceptable" or "american." he never ended up apologizing, though.
2. he dates too much and doesn't "study as much as an asian should." from this, she has somehow come to the conclusion that he has no ambition, motivation, or drive whatsoever and will go absolutely nowhere in life. she has often referred to him as a "stain/disgrace on the asian population."
3. his family is poor. according to my mother, this means that his parents are bad people and therefore "don't focus enough on him or keep him on the right path."
the problems started about 9 months ago, when she went through my phone and blocked m without my knowledge. i found out about a month later with the help of another friend, e, and unblocked him. the next night, my mother went through my phone and blocked m again. she also blocked e. i try to avoid conflict with my mother, so i just moved all of our communication to instagram. after that, i though it had settled down, although she occasionally brought him up at random moments.
a couple of days ago, m texted me (via instagram) and said something like "maybe we should stop texting, you could still do just fine without me." i was kind of confused and pressed a little bit. he ended up telling me that my mother had called him and told him to stop talking to me. i was really pissed off and confronted my mother. she told me that she had gone through my texts on instagram and had found out that i was still talking to m. we started yelling, and she threatened to go to his house and get m's parents involved if i didn't stop talking to m. i called her a "fucking control freak" and a couple of other things.
afterwards, my dad came into my room and told me that i shouldn't have called her those things and that she's only trying to protect me from associating with bad people. i also feel kind of bad because i know that she's super stressed out about my college prospects right now.
so, aita?
| 792 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hk1r8j/aita_for_calling_my_16f_mother_a_fucking_control/
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2020-07-02 17:51:27
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nta. she has no right to go through your phone and block your friends without permission. also the reasons she cited for hating the guy are so dumb. nta at all.
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nta.
as a matter of fact she is a control freak, and a pretty crappy person too.
tell her just this: "the tighter the leash, the further i'll run when it snaps."
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nta. your mother is being intensely controlling and your father is defending that behaviour. university/later life is going to be a struggle as she won't like losing control.
also the comments about "studying like an asian should" and "stain/disgrace to asian people" are deeply, deeply disturbing.
controlling parents create amazing liars.
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nta, i understand your frustration because my mother was born and raised in asia, and her cultural background caused a lot of strain on my life and childhood growing up here as well. i can’t give you proper advice because i honestly became extremely rebellious and don’t know any better solutions. somehow she has to come to an understanding that your friends are your support group that encourage you to do better, and success is not defined by how well you do in school. truly, it’s not. i hope you find a way through this though, i get it.
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if she's trying to protect you from bad people why hasn't she left yet
nta
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nta
this is the kind of cultural pressure i hope you are able to leave behind.
your mother is manipulative and mean to you - this does not change with her having 'only your best in mind'.
she willingly makes you unhappy in the present for a better future, that is not guaranteed. that is never okay. don't sacrifice your present for something that's unsure.
and associating with someone that helps you through life is valuable. if he makes you happier, she is abusing her status as a mum in cutting him off.
and i'd never, ever, share my passwords or phone access with her. if you don't want confrontation, get a second phone.
but stay true to yourself - it's your life, not your mom's.
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nta, your mother's behavior is the exact stereotype of overbearing control freak asian mom. the only thing she's protecting you from is a social life. she has no right to decide who your friends with if they're not literally doing drugs or horrible things.
the small eyes joke he made probably wasn't meant to other himself from his race, so much as play up that part of himself in defense. i have no doubt others have made that comment to him before. it's easier not to get made fun of if you make fun of yourself firsts supposedly.
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nta, yeah you're right about your mom being a control freak. you should be allowed to hang out with your friend, and she's getting involved for no reason. she also shouldn't be going through your phone to block people, and she shouldn't be calling people to cut contact with them. that's a violation of your privacy, and she needs to respect that. my family and i are asian americans too and a similar situation happened, so i understand your pain.
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nta
that's going way too far on your mother's part unless she actively has a reason to think he's dangerous to you, which isn't the indication i got from this.
rather she sounded rather elitist in her reasoning, and very controlling, definitely not okay to go as far as to contact a 16 year-old kid. what the heck?
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nta - i have a small suspicion that the concerns are less about the reasons your mother stated and more about the fact that you're two teenagers of the opposite sex and she sees that as a threat. your fam sucks for behaving this way.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello reddit, i have a friend who we can call m. m and i are both chinese-americans, and we've been friends for about 5 years. m has been there for me through some really difficult times and is one of my closest friends. the issue is that my mother absolutely despises m. when asked why, she cites the following reasons: 1. once, in 7th grade, m responded to a teacher asking a question by saying something along the lines of "i'm asian, so my eyes are too small to see what's on the board." while i ... wasn't the happiest about this comment, i can see why m did that. being constantly viewed as foreigners in america is really hard, especially on teenagers, so sometimes we feel the need to distance ourselves from our race in order to seem more "acceptable" or "american." he never ended up apologizing, though. 2. he dates too much and doesn't "study as much as an asian should." from this, she has somehow come to the conclusion that he has no ambition, motivation, or drive whatsoever and will go absolutely nowhere in life. she has often referred to him as a "stain/disgrace on the asian population." 3. his family is poor. according to my mother, this means that his parents are bad people and therefore "don't focus enough on him or keep him on the right path." the problems started about 9 months ago, when she went through my phone and blocked m without my knowledge. i found out about a month later with the help of another friend, e, and unblocked him. the next night, my mother went through my phone and blocked m again. she also blocked e. i try to avoid conflict with my mother, so i just moved all of our communication to instagram. after that, i though it had settled down, although she occasionally brought him up at random moments. a couple of days ago, m texted me (via instagram) and said something like "maybe we should stop texting, you could still do just fine without me." i was kind of confused and pressed a little bit. he ended up telling me that my mother had called him and told him to stop talking to me. i was really pissed off and confronted my mother. she told me that she had gone through my texts on instagram and had found out that i was still talking to m. we started yelling, and she threatened to go to his house and get m's parents involved if i didn't stop talking to m. i called her a "fucking control freak" and a couple of other things. afterwards, my dad came into my room and told me that i shouldn't have called her those things and that she's only trying to protect me from associating with bad people. i also feel kind of bad because i know that she's super stressed out about my college prospects right now. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello reddit, i have a friend who we can call m. m and i are both chinese-americans, and we've been friends for about 5 years. m has been there for me through some really difficult times and is one of my closest friends. the issue is that my mother absolutely despises m. when asked why, she cites the following reasons: 1. once, in 7th grade, m responded to a teacher asking a question by saying something along the lines of "i'm asian, so my eyes are too small to see what's on the board." while i ... wasn't the happiest about this comment, i can see why m did that. being constantly viewed as foreigners in america is really hard, especially on teenagers, so sometimes we feel the need to distance ourselves from our race in order to seem more "acceptable" or "american." he never ended up apologizing, though. 2. he dates too much and doesn't "study as much as an asian should." from this, she has somehow come to the conclusion that he has no ambition, motivation, or drive whatsoever and will go absolutely nowhere in life. she has often referred to him as a "stain/disgrace on the asian population." 3. his family is poor. according to my mother, this means that his parents are bad people and therefore "don't focus enough on him or keep him on the right path." the problems started about 9 months ago, when she went through my phone and blocked m without my knowledge. i found out about a month later with the help of another friend, e, and unblocked him. the next night, my mother went through my phone and blocked m again. she also blocked e. i try to avoid conflict with my mother, so i just moved all of our communication to instagram. after that, i though it had settled down, although she occasionally brought him up at random moments. a couple of days ago, m texted me (via instagram) and said something like "maybe we should stop texting, you could still do just fine without me." i was kind of confused and pressed a little bit. he ended up telling me that my mother had called him and told him to stop talking to me. i was really pissed off and confronted my mother. she told me that she had gone through my texts on instagram and had found out that i was still talking to m. we started yelling, and she threatened to go to his house and get m's parents involved if i didn't stop talking to m. i called her a "fucking control freak" and a couple of other things. afterwards, my dad came into my room and told me that i shouldn't have called her those things and that she's only trying to protect me from associating with bad people. i also feel kind of bad because i know that she's super stressed out about my college prospects right now. so, aita? [/INST] nta. she has no right to go through your phone and block your friends without permission. also the reasons she cited for hating the guy are so dumb. nta at all. </s>
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AITA for being done with my sister and not wanting to help her?
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i (20f) have a sister (18f) who has a habit of getting herself into trouble with other people because she is pretty mean and/or insensitive. for example: when she was 12 she was partnered with a girl in her class who had learning disabilities. she was complaining to her friends that she was doing most of the work and it took forever to get through to her partner. the girl had a sister who was in the same grade as me and she started bullying my sister to get back at her. she then comes crying to me and asks me to stop her, asking me to fight the girl literally and all kinds of stuff. i told her to be less mean in the future and i would take care of it. so i told an adult. then when my sister got in trouble for how she talked about her partner my sister wanted me to get her out of trouble by lying for her. i refused.
a while after that a girl in her english class planned a trip for them all but didn't invite my sister because she excluded her from stuff before. my sister got really upset and wanted me to get the girls brother to invite my sister.
another time just after she started high school she pissed off the lunch lady and she wanted me to smooth that over.
then there was the time she told me that a boy called her a \*\*\*\* and that he was mocking her to his friends. i knew the guy and he told me she had lied about them sleeping together and that she could have gotten him into some serious shit and he never called her that but he did say she was a bitch for saying that. i told her not to say stuff like that. she denied it. but i'll be honest the way she is with people i believed him over her.
so this time she started college in september and her roommate applied to have her kicked out because she's been pissing her off. nobody wants to room with my sister so she wanted me to help her out by letting her stay with me (she's in college in my town). i told her no and that i'm tired of her coming to me and she needs to learn how to treat people so she won't get into trouble.
the examples i posted are only a small few of the many times she has come to me after pissing someone off or treating someone like crap.
my parents think i should still help her though because we're sisters and she's never been bad to me.
aita?
| 1,139 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kyhstf/aita_for_being_done_with_my_sister_and_not/
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2021-01-16 12:04:21
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nta. your sister sound like she is happy to poo on people emotionally, but not accept responsibility for the consequences of her actions.
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nta. you're right, she needs to learn. and it sounds like your parents were enabling her behaviour
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nta. don't have her at your place. it will cause more trouble for sure. something will happen and you'll be brought into her mess. she might need help but it shouldn't be from you, why is she so awful to people? did something happen to her?
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nta. even if she didn’t have a history of treating people badly, you’re not under any obligation to live with her - many people don’t want to live with their siblings once they leave their family home. she may just need to learn to be kinder and to a new roommate.
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lol no, nta this girl needs to learn some accountability and fix her attitude. people can't fix her mistakes for her forever, especially when she can't fix her attitude to *stop* said mistakes
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id tell my parents no and her too, and the fact nobody wants to live with her is a natural consequence of her being two faced and being consistently nasty to people for a reaction. she isnt getting in life because people don't like her, and you won't live with someone that troublesome because your focus is your studies.
your parents and your sister need to hear it and you need to set a boundary and deal with the idea your parents might be upset
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nta actions have consequences and she needs to learn that nobody is going to want to be around a bully.
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nta your sister needs to learn about consequences, and she never will if you're always there to bail her out.
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nta
she needs to grow up and realise you can't fix every relationship she breaks. she need to learn to be a nicer person.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (20f) have a sister (18f) who has a habit of getting herself into trouble with other people because she is pretty mean and/or insensitive. for example: when she was 12 she was partnered with a girl in her class who had learning disabilities. she was complaining to her friends that she was doing most of the work and it took forever to get through to her partner. the girl had a sister who was in the same grade as me and she started bullying my sister to get back at her. she then comes crying to me and asks me to stop her, asking me to fight the girl literally and all kinds of stuff. i told her to be less mean in the future and i would take care of it. so i told an adult. then when my sister got in trouble for how she talked about her partner my sister wanted me to get her out of trouble by lying for her. i refused. a while after that a girl in her english class planned a trip for them all but didn't invite my sister because she excluded her from stuff before. my sister got really upset and wanted me to get the girls brother to invite my sister. another time just after she started high school she pissed off the lunch lady and she wanted me to smooth that over. then there was the time she told me that a boy called her a \*\*\*\* and that he was mocking her to his friends. i knew the guy and he told me she had lied about them sleeping together and that she could have gotten him into some serious shit and he never called her that but he did say she was a bitch for saying that. i told her not to say stuff like that. she denied it. but i'll be honest the way she is with people i believed him over her. so this time she started college in september and her roommate applied to have her kicked out because she's been pissing her off. nobody wants to room with my sister so she wanted me to help her out by letting her stay with me (she's in college in my town). i told her no and that i'm tired of her coming to me and she needs to learn how to treat people so she won't get into trouble. the examples i posted are only a small few of the many times she has come to me after pissing someone off or treating someone like crap. my parents think i should still help her though because we're sisters and she's never been bad to me. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (20f) have a sister (18f) who has a habit of getting herself into trouble with other people because she is pretty mean and/or insensitive. for example: when she was 12 she was partnered with a girl in her class who had learning disabilities. she was complaining to her friends that she was doing most of the work and it took forever to get through to her partner. the girl had a sister who was in the same grade as me and she started bullying my sister to get back at her. she then comes crying to me and asks me to stop her, asking me to fight the girl literally and all kinds of stuff. i told her to be less mean in the future and i would take care of it. so i told an adult. then when my sister got in trouble for how she talked about her partner my sister wanted me to get her out of trouble by lying for her. i refused. a while after that a girl in her english class planned a trip for them all but didn't invite my sister because she excluded her from stuff before. my sister got really upset and wanted me to get the girls brother to invite my sister. another time just after she started high school she pissed off the lunch lady and she wanted me to smooth that over. then there was the time she told me that a boy called her a \*\*\*\* and that he was mocking her to his friends. i knew the guy and he told me she had lied about them sleeping together and that she could have gotten him into some serious shit and he never called her that but he did say she was a bitch for saying that. i told her not to say stuff like that. she denied it. but i'll be honest the way she is with people i believed him over her. so this time she started college in september and her roommate applied to have her kicked out because she's been pissing her off. nobody wants to room with my sister so she wanted me to help her out by letting her stay with me (she's in college in my town). i told her no and that i'm tired of her coming to me and she needs to learn how to treat people so she won't get into trouble. the examples i posted are only a small few of the many times she has come to me after pissing someone off or treating someone like crap. my parents think i should still help her though because we're sisters and she's never been bad to me. aita? [/INST] nta. your sister sound like she is happy to poo on people emotionally, but not accept responsibility for the consequences of her actions. </s>
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AITA: refusing to “get over” something my sister did
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my sister (37)f and i (30)f have not spoken in about four years currently, i talk to our middle sister pretty regularly and she always insists life is short/it’s been so long/i want to see you both an array of different ways of telling me to end the fight. i’ve told her i’m still upset about what could’ve happened and i’m owed an apology just because i’m the youngest doesn’t make my feeling invalid. for backstory my oldest sister took my daughter for a sleepover, during the time she had a boyfriend who i hadn’t met, my fiancé hadn’t met either, and i didn’t know he was already living with her. if i had known i would’ve told my sister we weren’t (as her parents) comfortable with her going over with someone we hadn’t met before. she didn’t tell me that he lived there so my daughter spend the night. a few weeks later i found out that he did in fact live with her so when she asked again i told her no we aren’t comfortable with that, she threw a fit saying she already met her boyfriend and loved him! i was so mad that she basically omitted this from me knowing how cautious we were raised of strangers and what we’ve been through growing up. aita for continuing to hold this grudge?
| 710 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t61pf3/aita_refusing_to_get_over_something_my_sister_did/
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2022-03-03 21:05:15
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nta. you are not holding a grudge. you had a legitimate safety concern and your sister knowingly disrespected the boundaries that you had in place to keep your children happy, health and safe. what if her bf had been a creep? you are being a responsible parent.
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oh hhheeeellllll nooooooooooooo!
i have 3 daughters and i don't want them to sleep over at anyone's house. for your sister to not tell you that a guy you never met lives there??? that's fucked up!
you have the right as a parent to get all information before putting your daughters in any situation.
fuck your sister. what she did is a big fuckin' deal!
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info has she tried to apologise in this last 4 years?
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esh. it’s been four years and nothing happened to your daughter. you’re upset about what could have happened but if nothing did, i think it’s time you let it go. holding a grudge isn’t a good thing.
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i mean i get it, but to cut your sister out of your life for this seems a little much, especially considering nothing happened. i would never trust her alone with your daughter again, but again, to go no contact seems like a lot. esh
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info- did you tell her that when your daughter over she can't have anyone else over.
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no judgement because there just isn’t enough details here. your feelings are 100% valid — i would flip my entire shit if someone had a strange man overnight with my kid without telling me. that’s just not okay.
that said, it sounds like it was a one time thing four years ago. i’m not saying go hang out with sis one on one or leave your kid with her, but i think it’s worth shelving the argument to be there for family events at the same time.
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esh
yes what she did was wrong but the way this was worded i thought something *really* horrible was going to happen to your daughter. instead you are just holding a grudge.
let it go, elsa.
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> for backstory my oldest sister took my daughter for a sleepover, during the time she had a boyfriend who i hadn’t met, my fiancé hadn’t met either, and i didn’t know he was already living with her. if i had known i would’ve told my sister we weren’t (as her parents) comfortable with her going over with someone we hadn’t met before.
oof, that's it? she had a boyfriend that you didn't know about?
> knowing how cautious we were raised of strangers
do you not trust your sister at all?
would you have had the same concerns if it was a son instead of a daughter?
> and what we’ve been through growing up
info: you might need to say a bit more here.
and did your sister know this was a rule of yours before hand?
but i'm leaning towards yta.
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yta. this is not an issue to be angry about for four years. i thought maybe your child had been molested or something with you holding a grudge for four freaking years.
by your own omission, nothing untoward happened during the sleepover correct? i would assume your sister was present the whole time? like what is the issue here? if i were your sister i wouldn't accept your apology anyway. you're being completely ridiculous.
i feel bad for your daughter because she is missing time with an aunt that clearly loves her and wants to spend time with her.
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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ESH
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INFO
| null |
ESH
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.366725 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister (37)f and i (30)f have not spoken in about four years currently, i talk to our middle sister pretty regularly and she always insists life is short/it’s been so long/i want to see you both an array of different ways of telling me to end the fight. i’ve told her i’m still upset about what could’ve happened and i’m owed an apology just because i’m the youngest doesn’t make my feeling invalid. for backstory my oldest sister took my daughter for a sleepover, during the time she had a boyfriend who i hadn’t met, my fiancé hadn’t met either, and i didn’t know he was already living with her. if i had known i would’ve told my sister we weren’t (as her parents) comfortable with her going over with someone we hadn’t met before. she didn’t tell me that he lived there so my daughter spend the night. a few weeks later i found out that he did in fact live with her so when she asked again i told her no we aren’t comfortable with that, she threw a fit saying she already met her boyfriend and loved him! i was so mad that she basically omitted this from me knowing how cautious we were raised of strangers and what we’ve been through growing up. aita for continuing to hold this grudge?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister (37)f and i (30)f have not spoken in about four years currently, i talk to our middle sister pretty regularly and she always insists life is short/it’s been so long/i want to see you both an array of different ways of telling me to end the fight. i’ve told her i’m still upset about what could’ve happened and i’m owed an apology just because i’m the youngest doesn’t make my feeling invalid. for backstory my oldest sister took my daughter for a sleepover, during the time she had a boyfriend who i hadn’t met, my fiancé hadn’t met either, and i didn’t know he was already living with her. if i had known i would’ve told my sister we weren’t (as her parents) comfortable with her going over with someone we hadn’t met before. she didn’t tell me that he lived there so my daughter spend the night. a few weeks later i found out that he did in fact live with her so when she asked again i told her no we aren’t comfortable with that, she threw a fit saying she already met her boyfriend and loved him! i was so mad that she basically omitted this from me knowing how cautious we were raised of strangers and what we’ve been through growing up. aita for continuing to hold this grudge? [/INST] nta. you are not holding a grudge. you had a legitimate safety concern and your sister knowingly disrespected the boundaries that you had in place to keep your children happy, health and safe. what if her bf had been a creep? you are being a responsible parent. </s>
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AITA for telling my wife about her speeding fine
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i will preface this by saying i am a horrible passenger since i had a car accident 8 years ago. ever since then, i hate being a passenger.
my wife and i both drive cars that i lease through my work. i have recently been having issues with kidney stones and have been in and out of hospital, so she has been driving. numerous times i have caught her speeding, some times up to 20km/h over the limit when coming down hill, and i call her on it, telling her the speed limit and asking her to slow down. it pisses her off no end and recently she said to me “i have been driving longer than you so i don’t need you to tell me how to drive!”
i got an email from work today saying that my car was registered speeding 2 weeks ago. i was in hospital on this day, so it wasn’t me. the email asked me to register who was driving so they can accept the fine instead of the company.
here is where i think i may be the ah. i could have just responded to the email and put my name, or i could have just responded with her name, and a letter would come from the relevant govt department with the fine and the details. instead i asked her if she was driving in the area on that day and when she said yes and asked why, i told her because she got a speeding fine that day.
it has been a very tough time in our lives recently - my health issues came right on the back of her mum passing away at the end of march. should i have just shut up and followed the process or taken the blame or did i do the right thing calling her out? she doesn’t speed on purpose, it is a distraction thing and she has every right to be distracted lately. she is now very angry with herself and i feel terrible about it but i also feel a little vindicated because i have asked her numerous times to not speed.
| 567 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uiwst9/aita_for_telling_my_wife_about_her_speeding_fine/
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2022-05-05 12:54:21
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nta
she was speeding so its her fault and needs to be accountable for it.
if she gets too distracted when driving to either notice the speak limit or how fast she is driving, should she really be driving?
being distracted wouldn't be a good excuse if she were to be pulled over by the police for speeding, or if she got in an accident because she was distracted.
edit for a bit of sympathy for your wife: yes she has a lot of reasons to be distracted but if that makes her unsafe to drive a car (which it clearly does) then she should not be driving.
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nta, she was caught speeding and it shouldn’t go against you.
also her response would have been the same if you told her or she got it in the mail, but if she found out you knew and didn’t tell her it probably would be worse
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nta. she's the one that got the ticket, so i think she should know she got it - at the very least to just try and avoid speeding in that area (if not completely - although tbh she sounds like me, so it's unlikely she'll stop alltogether).
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nta. maybe this will be a wake up call.
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nta. this is just the consequences of her actions and maybe she’ll see that what she’s doing is unsafe. don’t make excuses for her. put her name down and let her pay for it.
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nah on the speeding ticket but... is this generally how you communicate with your wife? set a trap and then go on your merry way when she passes your test? i couldn't imagine presenting this situation to my partner like you did. i'd simply state: hey, work flagged this speeding and i need to name names for the ticket. i was in the hospital that day, so it wouldn't have been me. were you driving along x-road around x-time on x-day?
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nta. in no universe are you the ah. she needed someone other than you to tell her she’s wrong.
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nta she was speeding & u called her out on it multiple times! there’s no reason u should coddle her now, she needs to take responsibility. i get being distracted by hard times but driving is a time u really need to focus or accidents may happen!
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nta. in the uk it is an offence to take a penalty notice, fine etc for someone else. i also drive a company car for work. if i have speeding fines it could impact on my job security as we are required to have a full clean licence. i was in the same situation with my boyfriend. i explained work policies and he had to take the points and fine. all the other points are moot. she was driving, she was speeding: she takes the hit.
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nta. she's speeding drastically and could seriously hurt someone (either her passengers or others on the road) you absolutely should call her out on it and you should *not* take the blame for her. she is a reckless driver. the fact that she's been driving longer than you is irrelevant. she obviously does need someone to tell her how to drive before she kills someone.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i will preface this by saying i am a horrible passenger since i had a car accident 8 years ago. ever since then, i hate being a passenger. my wife and i both drive cars that i lease through my work. i have recently been having issues with kidney stones and have been in and out of hospital, so she has been driving. numerous times i have caught her speeding, some times up to 20km/h over the limit when coming down hill, and i call her on it, telling her the speed limit and asking her to slow down. it pisses her off no end and recently she said to me “i have been driving longer than you so i don’t need you to tell me how to drive!” i got an email from work today saying that my car was registered speeding 2 weeks ago. i was in hospital on this day, so it wasn’t me. the email asked me to register who was driving so they can accept the fine instead of the company. here is where i think i may be the ah. i could have just responded to the email and put my name, or i could have just responded with her name, and a letter would come from the relevant govt department with the fine and the details. instead i asked her if she was driving in the area on that day and when she said yes and asked why, i told her because she got a speeding fine that day. it has been a very tough time in our lives recently - my health issues came right on the back of her mum passing away at the end of march. should i have just shut up and followed the process or taken the blame or did i do the right thing calling her out? she doesn’t speed on purpose, it is a distraction thing and she has every right to be distracted lately. she is now very angry with herself and i feel terrible about it but i also feel a little vindicated because i have asked her numerous times to not speed.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i will preface this by saying i am a horrible passenger since i had a car accident 8 years ago. ever since then, i hate being a passenger. my wife and i both drive cars that i lease through my work. i have recently been having issues with kidney stones and have been in and out of hospital, so she has been driving. numerous times i have caught her speeding, some times up to 20km/h over the limit when coming down hill, and i call her on it, telling her the speed limit and asking her to slow down. it pisses her off no end and recently she said to me “i have been driving longer than you so i don’t need you to tell me how to drive!” i got an email from work today saying that my car was registered speeding 2 weeks ago. i was in hospital on this day, so it wasn’t me. the email asked me to register who was driving so they can accept the fine instead of the company. here is where i think i may be the ah. i could have just responded to the email and put my name, or i could have just responded with her name, and a letter would come from the relevant govt department with the fine and the details. instead i asked her if she was driving in the area on that day and when she said yes and asked why, i told her because she got a speeding fine that day. it has been a very tough time in our lives recently - my health issues came right on the back of her mum passing away at the end of march. should i have just shut up and followed the process or taken the blame or did i do the right thing calling her out? she doesn’t speed on purpose, it is a distraction thing and she has every right to be distracted lately. she is now very angry with herself and i feel terrible about it but i also feel a little vindicated because i have asked her numerous times to not speed. [/INST] nta she was speeding so its her fault and needs to be accountable for it. if she gets too distracted when driving to either notice the speak limit or how fast she is driving, should she really be driving? being distracted wouldn't be a good excuse if she were to be pulled over by the police for speeding, or if she got in an accident because she was distracted. edit for a bit of sympathy for your wife: yes she has a lot of reasons to be distracted but if that makes her unsafe to drive a car (which it clearly does) then she should not be driving. </s>
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AITA for "Unnecessarily" yelling at my stepfather?
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for context, i'm a 15 year old girl.
two weeks ago, a new order was unveiled by a judge for a long-time custody dispute over me and my twin sister. last year, we lived equally at my mom's house and my dad's house. it completely changed when my stepfather, we'll call him dave, married my mom. we moved an hour away from my dad's house, switched schools, and were forces to only see him 4 days a month, two days every other weekend. it changed to 8 hours every other weekend, and now it's 2 hour supervised visits every other weekend. i am not allowed to contact my father. i've asked to stay at my grandparent's house a couple of times before this whole thing went down, all of which went negatively.
i had been texting my grandmother and grandfather for the entire time this was happening, and i had exchanged letters with my grandmother a couple of times. she is extremely supportive of me and my sister, and she practically raised us until we started school. i recently found out that she had developed major copd due to her lifetime of smoking, so the communication was growing more frequent. i asked my mom if we could go to my grandparents' house for a week while i was out of school, our father not being there, of course. she told me they would think about it.
yesterday, i had asked dave about going over to my grandparents' house and how they were feeling about it. he said that after he and my mother had read the letters she had sent me, which i had never given them, and were hidden somewhere that a man should never look, that i couldn't. i was pissed! i screamed at him that those letters were me and my grandma's only way to privately talk about what was going on with the court issue, and that had been violated with no thought whatsoever. he and my mom later mentioned that they also read our texts, which mostly consisted of book ideas and other harmless topics. they accused both me and my grandmother of trying to manipulate them to spend more time with my dad, and called me yelling at dave "unnecessary" and "shocking", and banned me from any contact with my grandma. after that, went into my room to think, and thought that i might've done something wrong, so am i the asshole here?
| 193 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w32jq5/aita_for_unnecessarily_yelling_at_my_stepfather/
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2022-07-19 20:25:05
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nta. i don't know the whole situation with the custody battle so there's a chance they might have a valid reason to want to know about you communicating with your grandmother, but your mom and dave are ahs for violating your privacy via snooping. no one deserves to have their conversations monitored that closely.
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nta, in reading through responses, i'm getting the feeling that there's some parental alienation going on here spearheaded by dave. it seems very strange that the judge would allow them to go from 50/50 to supervised without some proof of abuse. but this dude is invading your privacy and isolating you from your extended family....
info: are you allowed to see other family? like mom's side, or even dave's?
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nta - you can write the court notifying them that dave is searching places he shouldn't be in. that he is reading your correspondence. make sure they know you feel unsafe. this is the first step in getting rid of him.
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**info**
* how long ago were your parents divorced?
* how long has your step-father been part of the mix?
* does your twin have similar problems with your step-father?
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holy moly nta. you have every right to yell at this man for his invasive and controlling behavior.
however, what you said about your dad going from joint custody to 2 hour supervised visits is worrying. do you know if there is a particular reason why your dad lost almost all his custody privileges?
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nta - not even close.
here is something you should know. most courts have advocates for youth that are available to you for free. you can call (borrow a friends phone so the number doesn’t show up on mom’s bill.) express to the advocate that your mom is attempting to alienate you from your father andyour grand parents, and that she has never involved you in custody cases so your voice has never been heard. because you are over 14, you are considered of the age of reason almost everywhere. in some cases, teens have been able to bring their own custody suits, and the judge will really listen to the teen (so long as they are well spoken and provide facts, not complaining.) i am not a lawyer and i never played one on tv. you could actually get a court order that dictates time with dad, and time with grandparents, how cool would that be, to write your own custody schedule.
oh, and screw dave. no real man moves a kid away from their father.
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info why is time with your father now supervised?
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null | null | null | 0.036878 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context, i'm a 15 year old girl. two weeks ago, a new order was unveiled by a judge for a long-time custody dispute over me and my twin sister. last year, we lived equally at my mom's house and my dad's house. it completely changed when my stepfather, we'll call him dave, married my mom. we moved an hour away from my dad's house, switched schools, and were forces to only see him 4 days a month, two days every other weekend. it changed to 8 hours every other weekend, and now it's 2 hour supervised visits every other weekend. i am not allowed to contact my father. i've asked to stay at my grandparent's house a couple of times before this whole thing went down, all of which went negatively. i had been texting my grandmother and grandfather for the entire time this was happening, and i had exchanged letters with my grandmother a couple of times. she is extremely supportive of me and my sister, and she practically raised us until we started school. i recently found out that she had developed major copd due to her lifetime of smoking, so the communication was growing more frequent. i asked my mom if we could go to my grandparents' house for a week while i was out of school, our father not being there, of course. she told me they would think about it. yesterday, i had asked dave about going over to my grandparents' house and how they were feeling about it. he said that after he and my mother had read the letters she had sent me, which i had never given them, and were hidden somewhere that a man should never look, that i couldn't. i was pissed! i screamed at him that those letters were me and my grandma's only way to privately talk about what was going on with the court issue, and that had been violated with no thought whatsoever. he and my mom later mentioned that they also read our texts, which mostly consisted of book ideas and other harmless topics. they accused both me and my grandmother of trying to manipulate them to spend more time with my dad, and called me yelling at dave "unnecessary" and "shocking", and banned me from any contact with my grandma. after that, went into my room to think, and thought that i might've done something wrong, so am i the asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context, i'm a 15 year old girl. two weeks ago, a new order was unveiled by a judge for a long-time custody dispute over me and my twin sister. last year, we lived equally at my mom's house and my dad's house. it completely changed when my stepfather, we'll call him dave, married my mom. we moved an hour away from my dad's house, switched schools, and were forces to only see him 4 days a month, two days every other weekend. it changed to 8 hours every other weekend, and now it's 2 hour supervised visits every other weekend. i am not allowed to contact my father. i've asked to stay at my grandparent's house a couple of times before this whole thing went down, all of which went negatively. i had been texting my grandmother and grandfather for the entire time this was happening, and i had exchanged letters with my grandmother a couple of times. she is extremely supportive of me and my sister, and she practically raised us until we started school. i recently found out that she had developed major copd due to her lifetime of smoking, so the communication was growing more frequent. i asked my mom if we could go to my grandparents' house for a week while i was out of school, our father not being there, of course. she told me they would think about it. yesterday, i had asked dave about going over to my grandparents' house and how they were feeling about it. he said that after he and my mother had read the letters she had sent me, which i had never given them, and were hidden somewhere that a man should never look, that i couldn't. i was pissed! i screamed at him that those letters were me and my grandma's only way to privately talk about what was going on with the court issue, and that had been violated with no thought whatsoever. he and my mom later mentioned that they also read our texts, which mostly consisted of book ideas and other harmless topics. they accused both me and my grandmother of trying to manipulate them to spend more time with my dad, and called me yelling at dave "unnecessary" and "shocking", and banned me from any contact with my grandma. after that, went into my room to think, and thought that i might've done something wrong, so am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta. i don't know the whole situation with the custody battle so there's a chance they might have a valid reason to want to know about you communicating with your grandmother, but your mom and dave are ahs for violating your privacy via snooping. no one deserves to have their conversations monitored that closely. </s>
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AITA for opening/reading my spouse’s credit card statement?
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my (30f) wife (34f) and i have joint finances. i am a full time student about to graduate and i also work in the field i am studying at the moment. i accepted a per diem position with a little higher earning potential this may with the mutual agreement that i would be making payments towards my student debt with a portion of my earnings.
in june, while on a work trip, my wife opened a line of credit in her name and has apparently maxed out the credit card. she has continually notified me that she will need to make credit card payments upwards of $700 using my contributed income. needless to say, i have not been able to make any payments towards my student loans because it all gets eaten up by credit card payments or other bills as she drinks a lot and spends a lot of money on alcohol and it greatly impacts our finances.
i have become frustrated with these credit card bills and asked what it is that she has put on the card to bring her to a >$700 minimum payment each month. for example, this month we’ve paid a total of $1,200 to this card. she has told me that she put bills, groceries, old vet bills, and charges from our july mini vacation on the credit card because we haven’t had enough money because i’m in school and have to pay for daycare (subsidized). this didn’t really click for me because we should actually have more money now that i’m working and we’ve been paying for childcare prior to my accepting this position.
she adamantly stated over and over again that i can look at the credit card statements any time i want because she has “nothing to hide”.
so, yesterday, i was cleaning out the car and found a credit card statement with some junk mail under the passenger seat. she told me i can look at them whenever i want. honestly, i feel entitled to do so anyways as i’m paying towards theses instead of putting money towards my own student loans, so i opened it. all of the charges were placed at gas stations where she buys alcohol on a daily basis — $30 here, $40 there and the card is maxed out. i placed the statement in the seat of the car and finished cleaning and drove home with the intention of bringing it inside and filing it away.
it was our anniversary and we had plans to go to the gym and then dinner. she went to get in the car and saw the statement and flew off the handle. stormed off, cancelled our anniversary date and disappeared to the store for 2+hrs to “buy stuff for new years” saying that she’s cancelled our sitter because we “can’t afford to go out”… but we can afford for you to buy stuff we don’t need?
her complaint is that i’m “a liar, manipulative, and untrustworthy” because i “violated her privacy” by opening her mail when she doesn’t open my mail. i said i only opened it because she was so adamant that i can look at them any time, but now she says that i should’ve known she only meant the ones she has already opened & put in her mail organizer. i’m not following this logic.
aita?
| 201 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zzwa8a/aita_for_openingreading_my_spouses_credit_card/
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2022-12-31 15:18:51
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nta
she's an alcoholic. her losing it on you, like that, is only the beginning.
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nta your wife is gaslighting you and very likely has a shopping addiction. if it’s a household bill that you are paying then you have every right to open it regardless of whose name is on the account.
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nta.
joined finances --> you have to explain your expenses, also no privacy in them.
would be another matter if you didn't have jonied finances, now that would have been a violation of privacy.
but the deal breaker is in the first line of the post.
the only manipulative, shitty person in here is your wife. also probably an addict.
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your wife is an alcoholic. all issues come back to that point.
please encourage her to seek treatment.
nta.
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nta
while it's technically illegal in some places to open another person's mail without permission, you have special circumstances here such as:
1. it's your spouse
2. you have joint finances
3. she said you can look at her statements at any time.
there is a legitimate case to be made that you thought you had permission.
the reason she got mad is because her web of lies got exposed. it's not because you did something wrong, or at least that's a very minor part of it.
by turning it on you and accusing you of nasty things, she's gaslighting you. it's not good and indicates some serious problems that go beyond the opening of mail.
i hope you can sort it out and deal with the bigger issues like her spending tendencies and how the finances should be handled in light of that. if that can't be done, then your relationship could be in trouble. in any case you're nta.
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pay your student loan bills first and tell her to pay her own credit card if she doesn’t want you to know what she uses it for. she’s wanting to have her cake and eat it too. nope, hard no.
she needs aa pronto, or there’s no hope here. she will destroy your credit because your loans are not paid back in time, steal from your joint funds (which she is effectively doing now) and ruin your relationship.
you need to give her an ultimatum: stop drinking, go to aa, cut up the credit card and get counseling or your relationship is over. **effective immediately.**
**tough love is needed here, you have a very very short while to act before your combined repayments go into a death spiral. the payments on your loans are accumulating high interest charges , as are the credit card payments.**
she will have excuses, get angry, deflect, guilt trip you, blame you.
but this is all on her.
if your student loans don’t get paid on time, it affects **everything**:your possibility to save for your retirement, your credit score will tank if you can’t make up the missed payments, interest fees are being added to your loans and the card, you have to pay interest on the totals of both , so there are real and long term repercussions.
this can’t be put off. you are stand at the top of a slippery slope, a financial precipice; one wrong step and you will be in over your heads, barely able to pay interest, let alone the principal owed.
i’m sorry this is happening to you but you need to start the new year with a seriously tough conversation. it can’t wait and it has to be acted on immediately.
if she is not prepared to do this then you need to act quickly to separate your finances, your relationship and save yourself. i saw an aunt put up with a drinking husband and the debt he drank up, drowned them from a fairly middle class lifestyle into poverty which cost them their home inside about 10 months. they had savings!
she believed his lies, stayed and got taken down with him. they divorced but her own hard earned savings were lost trying to save their mortgage payments. in vain. 18 years later she now lives a frugal lifestyle with her head barely above water. her ex destroyed 30 years of marriage and died of alcoholism related liver disease.
she always said she should have given him an ultimatum right at the start and kicked him out the moment he didn’t comply, and saved herself a lot of heartache and regret.
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yikes! not a very happy anniversary.
at this point esh because you are both ignoring the bigger picture. you & your wife are in serious debt & your wife is drinking every day. no one is addressing these problems. reading her statement is the least of your issues. going to dinner, spending for new year’s, getting a sitter, buying alcohol every day ...with what money?!? you need some help!
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nta. but you need to work on separating your finances. and please go to alanon to get some help coping with your wife’s alcoholism.
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nta
you’re paying the bill and have joint finances. you have every right to know what is going on.
sounds like your bigger problems are her alcoholism and reluctance to face any truth. see how she just turned it around on you, tried to blame and manipulate you? those are all common tactics of addiction.
this might be above reddit’s pay grade.
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> her complaint is that i’m “a liar, manipulative, and untrustworthy”
classic projection. she's the one who's being manipulative and untrustworthy.
if your name is on it, it is your right and your duty to ensure you're aware of the expenses incurred.
if your name is not on it, i suggest you merely stop paying towards it.
nta. if i were you, i'd separate finances asap. (although since you're married i'm not sure how feasible that is in your country).
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (30f) wife (34f) and i have joint finances. i am a full time student about to graduate and i also work in the field i am studying at the moment. i accepted a per diem position with a little higher earning potential this may with the mutual agreement that i would be making payments towards my student debt with a portion of my earnings. in june, while on a work trip, my wife opened a line of credit in her name and has apparently maxed out the credit card. she has continually notified me that she will need to make credit card payments upwards of $700 using my contributed income. needless to say, i have not been able to make any payments towards my student loans because it all gets eaten up by credit card payments or other bills as she drinks a lot and spends a lot of money on alcohol and it greatly impacts our finances. i have become frustrated with these credit card bills and asked what it is that she has put on the card to bring her to a >$700 minimum payment each month. for example, this month we’ve paid a total of $1,200 to this card. she has told me that she put bills, groceries, old vet bills, and charges from our july mini vacation on the credit card because we haven’t had enough money because i’m in school and have to pay for daycare (subsidized). this didn’t really click for me because we should actually have more money now that i’m working and we’ve been paying for childcare prior to my accepting this position. she adamantly stated over and over again that i can look at the credit card statements any time i want because she has “nothing to hide”. so, yesterday, i was cleaning out the car and found a credit card statement with some junk mail under the passenger seat. she told me i can look at them whenever i want. honestly, i feel entitled to do so anyways as i’m paying towards theses instead of putting money towards my own student loans, so i opened it. all of the charges were placed at gas stations where she buys alcohol on a daily basis — $30 here, $40 there and the card is maxed out. i placed the statement in the seat of the car and finished cleaning and drove home with the intention of bringing it inside and filing it away. it was our anniversary and we had plans to go to the gym and then dinner. she went to get in the car and saw the statement and flew off the handle. stormed off, cancelled our anniversary date and disappeared to the store for 2+hrs to “buy stuff for new years” saying that she’s cancelled our sitter because we “can’t afford to go out”… but we can afford for you to buy stuff we don’t need? her complaint is that i’m “a liar, manipulative, and untrustworthy” because i “violated her privacy” by opening her mail when she doesn’t open my mail. i said i only opened it because she was so adamant that i can look at them any time, but now she says that i should’ve known she only meant the ones she has already opened & put in her mail organizer. i’m not following this logic. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (30f) wife (34f) and i have joint finances. i am a full time student about to graduate and i also work in the field i am studying at the moment. i accepted a per diem position with a little higher earning potential this may with the mutual agreement that i would be making payments towards my student debt with a portion of my earnings. in june, while on a work trip, my wife opened a line of credit in her name and has apparently maxed out the credit card. she has continually notified me that she will need to make credit card payments upwards of $700 using my contributed income. needless to say, i have not been able to make any payments towards my student loans because it all gets eaten up by credit card payments or other bills as she drinks a lot and spends a lot of money on alcohol and it greatly impacts our finances. i have become frustrated with these credit card bills and asked what it is that she has put on the card to bring her to a >$700 minimum payment each month. for example, this month we’ve paid a total of $1,200 to this card. she has told me that she put bills, groceries, old vet bills, and charges from our july mini vacation on the credit card because we haven’t had enough money because i’m in school and have to pay for daycare (subsidized). this didn’t really click for me because we should actually have more money now that i’m working and we’ve been paying for childcare prior to my accepting this position. she adamantly stated over and over again that i can look at the credit card statements any time i want because she has “nothing to hide”. so, yesterday, i was cleaning out the car and found a credit card statement with some junk mail under the passenger seat. she told me i can look at them whenever i want. honestly, i feel entitled to do so anyways as i’m paying towards theses instead of putting money towards my own student loans, so i opened it. all of the charges were placed at gas stations where she buys alcohol on a daily basis — $30 here, $40 there and the card is maxed out. i placed the statement in the seat of the car and finished cleaning and drove home with the intention of bringing it inside and filing it away. it was our anniversary and we had plans to go to the gym and then dinner. she went to get in the car and saw the statement and flew off the handle. stormed off, cancelled our anniversary date and disappeared to the store for 2+hrs to “buy stuff for new years” saying that she’s cancelled our sitter because we “can’t afford to go out”… but we can afford for you to buy stuff we don’t need? her complaint is that i’m “a liar, manipulative, and untrustworthy” because i “violated her privacy” by opening her mail when she doesn’t open my mail. i said i only opened it because she was so adamant that i can look at them any time, but now she says that i should’ve known she only meant the ones she has already opened & put in her mail organizer. i’m not following this logic. aita? [/INST] nta she's an alcoholic. her losing it on you, like that, is only the beginning. </s>
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AITA for getting pissed at my husband about naming our baby?
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hi all. i (25f) am currently 5 months pregnant with my second son. my husband (28m) is a religious man, this is only relevant for the baby names. my husband picked the name for our first child. its a religious prophets name but it isnt bad and its has grown on me now that our first is almost 3. this wasn't the plan though, i wanted both of us to pick a name together, but after all of my names being shot down, i got tired of waiting for him to pick a name and said yes to the first name he picked.
the issue i'm having is i was hoping i'd have more leeway naming our second child but that doesnt seem to be the case. i should've talked to him about this beforehand, but i have brought it up now that we're expecting again. he seems to have a unspoken list of rules about names that i've taken to writing down to help me find a name that i like.
the biggest one is the fact he doesn't like old timey names. i really wanted sebastian, theodore, maxwell, any name like that but he hates them and says no every time. i can't pick a name of anyone he knows that he's had beef with, i cant pick an overly unique name like orion. no fictional names unless it's from something he likes ( he'd probably be ecstatic if i asked about naming it goku or piccolo)
anyways. i've been getting increasingly frustrated and want to know if i'm being an asshole about this. is this how it is for everyone naming a child?
| 146 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c8owsd/aita_for_getting_pissed_at_my_husband_about/
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2019-07-03 14:42:58
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nta but you seem to have issues with standing up for yourself
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nta he sounds very controlling honestly. who does he think he is getting to decide what your kids names are on his own? you’re the one carrying and birthing the baby. without you he’d have no sons. my friends aren’t religious so they don’t have these rules but they decided happily together out of excitement and didn’t fight about it. i’m concerned for you if he’s this controlling.
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nta just put whatever name you want on the birth certificate. he got his choice once thats plenty.
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> my husband picked the name for our first child. its a religious prophets name
> he doesn't like old timey names.
so...your first born is the great prophet kaydyn, peace be unto him?
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nta. time to play that good old "but i carried this baby and that other one over there for 9 months" card you were saving for a special occasion. i know, i know it's early but you still have the the "dried ass cracked nipples" and "stretch marks" one.
jokes aside, he's being too picky and unreasonable. you gotta settle that list first. pair down those rules, otherwise it's just justification for whatever name he wants. i think making "rules" about which names can be contenders (besides like, no cuss words, no dictators, no naming our kid after alcoholic beverages) is really assholey.
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nta. is he this weird and controlling about other aspects of your life?
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nah, though i was tempted to vote your husband the asshole because you said he'd accept naming his kid piccolo. that's just awful.
it's important for both parents to like the name of their child. there should be unlimited vetos. unfortunately the names you two like seem to exist in different galaxies, so it's taking you longer to find one. all i can tell you is keep trying. there has to be something.
naming a child can be contentious for any couple. it becomes less so if the parents have similar tastes, or if one or both are generally apathetic (my so's parents said "ok, done" at the very first boy name in the book, but they argued over the girl name).
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nta- you're a team and you should both be involved.
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nta. he needs to discuss and agree. naming a baby is not for one parent to decide and ignore the other parents thoughts
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NAH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi all. i (25f) am currently 5 months pregnant with my second son. my husband (28m) is a religious man, this is only relevant for the baby names. my husband picked the name for our first child. its a religious prophets name but it isnt bad and its has grown on me now that our first is almost 3. this wasn't the plan though, i wanted both of us to pick a name together, but after all of my names being shot down, i got tired of waiting for him to pick a name and said yes to the first name he picked. the issue i'm having is i was hoping i'd have more leeway naming our second child but that doesnt seem to be the case. i should've talked to him about this beforehand, but i have brought it up now that we're expecting again. he seems to have a unspoken list of rules about names that i've taken to writing down to help me find a name that i like. the biggest one is the fact he doesn't like old timey names. i really wanted sebastian, theodore, maxwell, any name like that but he hates them and says no every time. i can't pick a name of anyone he knows that he's had beef with, i cant pick an overly unique name like orion. no fictional names unless it's from something he likes ( he'd probably be ecstatic if i asked about naming it goku or piccolo) anyways. i've been getting increasingly frustrated and want to know if i'm being an asshole about this. is this how it is for everyone naming a child?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi all. i (25f) am currently 5 months pregnant with my second son. my husband (28m) is a religious man, this is only relevant for the baby names. my husband picked the name for our first child. its a religious prophets name but it isnt bad and its has grown on me now that our first is almost 3. this wasn't the plan though, i wanted both of us to pick a name together, but after all of my names being shot down, i got tired of waiting for him to pick a name and said yes to the first name he picked. the issue i'm having is i was hoping i'd have more leeway naming our second child but that doesnt seem to be the case. i should've talked to him about this beforehand, but i have brought it up now that we're expecting again. he seems to have a unspoken list of rules about names that i've taken to writing down to help me find a name that i like. the biggest one is the fact he doesn't like old timey names. i really wanted sebastian, theodore, maxwell, any name like that but he hates them and says no every time. i can't pick a name of anyone he knows that he's had beef with, i cant pick an overly unique name like orion. no fictional names unless it's from something he likes ( he'd probably be ecstatic if i asked about naming it goku or piccolo) anyways. i've been getting increasingly frustrated and want to know if i'm being an asshole about this. is this how it is for everyone naming a child? [/INST] nta but you seem to have issues with standing up for yourself </s>
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AITA for getting a coworker in trouble after revealing their time theft?
|
so i work at a store that rhymes with mal-mart. i am 18 and the coworker i'm talking about is in their 50s.
at my store, and more specifically my department, there's a handful of people who decide to stop working 30min-1 hour before their shift actually ends. they hide in the breakroom and none of the managers seem to notice. this has been going on before i started working there 7 months ago.
this day was a particularly bad on for me as final exams has started and i'm not getting enough sleep due to work and studying. needless to say, i am cranky but try to keep it on the downlow.
i walked into my coworker going off about how my generation is so lazy and how we need to work harder so we never get behind. everyone was just kinda ignoring them. i was unloading my cart when my coworker started looking around for someone to aim their rant to when they looked at me.
i was finally too annoyed to care and just said, "you call us lazy, but aren't you the one who stops working an hour before your shift ends and hides in the backroom?"
i didn't realize that my manager had walked in because my back was to the door but they just walked past to get to the computer. i assumed my manager didn't hear what i said and just went on with my job.
a few hours later, i caught a glimpse of my manager talking to my coworker. then the day after that they cornered me in the backroom saying that i got them in trouble. apparently my manager had heard what i said and checked the cameras not too long after to see if what i said was true and it was.
my coworker is pissed at me. aita?
| 329 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ufqqj0/aita_for_getting_a_coworker_in_trouble_after/
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2022-05-01 03:10:20
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nta. fully walked into this expecting to say the opposite, because it’s wally world and screw them and their starvation wages. but since it seems it was accidental, i think you’re in the clear.
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if you had went up to your manager and specifically told on them i’d say yta bc who really gives a shit, it’s fucking walmart nobody cares. but since it was accidental, nta. just unfortunate timing
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nta. you only called him out when he singled you out for your age. it's his fault that he got in trouble for doing something he accused you of.
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nta. your co-worker was committing time theft, and as such, really should have kept their own mouth shut. breaking workplace rules like that comes with risks, and as such, if they got in trouble, it's on them. it also sounds like they committed harassment by cornering in you the backroom to complain, and you might want to consider reporting that as well.
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nta. i used to work there too and it was awful. so many boomers made rude comments towards me, not to mention how the customers treated me. i do not miss the place. also, it sounds like your asshole coworker got what they deserved.
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nta it's called integrity, lots of folks don't have it
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nta
but be careful around this person. i wouldn't want to be alone around them for a while. hopefully, they get over it once they get over their "warning" or write-up or whatever happened.
i'd steer clear, and if they start harassing you, don't be afraid to actually go to your manager (or find a new / better job).
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no, you did the right thing, even if you were tired as hell.
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nta for clapping back at your coworker. he was looking for it. fact that the manager happened to be there isn’t your problem.
but
yta for using the phrase “time theft.” that’s management bullshit. i guarantee you that company is stealing from you and exploiting you in a thousand little ways every goddamn day. they’re doing the same to all of you. your coworkers getting a little back, imo, is fair game. and here you are talking like management. time theft my ass.
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nta if they didn't do things that are wrongful then they wouldn't get in trouble. did you force them to avoid their job? no, thats dumb, they chose to and they got caught.
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i work at a store that rhymes with mal-mart. i am 18 and the coworker i'm talking about is in their 50s. at my store, and more specifically my department, there's a handful of people who decide to stop working 30min-1 hour before their shift actually ends. they hide in the breakroom and none of the managers seem to notice. this has been going on before i started working there 7 months ago. this day was a particularly bad on for me as final exams has started and i'm not getting enough sleep due to work and studying. needless to say, i am cranky but try to keep it on the downlow. i walked into my coworker going off about how my generation is so lazy and how we need to work harder so we never get behind. everyone was just kinda ignoring them. i was unloading my cart when my coworker started looking around for someone to aim their rant to when they looked at me. i was finally too annoyed to care and just said, "you call us lazy, but aren't you the one who stops working an hour before your shift ends and hides in the backroom?" i didn't realize that my manager had walked in because my back was to the door but they just walked past to get to the computer. i assumed my manager didn't hear what i said and just went on with my job. a few hours later, i caught a glimpse of my manager talking to my coworker. then the day after that they cornered me in the backroom saying that i got them in trouble. apparently my manager had heard what i said and checked the cameras not too long after to see if what i said was true and it was. my coworker is pissed at me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i work at a store that rhymes with mal-mart. i am 18 and the coworker i'm talking about is in their 50s. at my store, and more specifically my department, there's a handful of people who decide to stop working 30min-1 hour before their shift actually ends. they hide in the breakroom and none of the managers seem to notice. this has been going on before i started working there 7 months ago. this day was a particularly bad on for me as final exams has started and i'm not getting enough sleep due to work and studying. needless to say, i am cranky but try to keep it on the downlow. i walked into my coworker going off about how my generation is so lazy and how we need to work harder so we never get behind. everyone was just kinda ignoring them. i was unloading my cart when my coworker started looking around for someone to aim their rant to when they looked at me. i was finally too annoyed to care and just said, "you call us lazy, but aren't you the one who stops working an hour before your shift ends and hides in the backroom?" i didn't realize that my manager had walked in because my back was to the door but they just walked past to get to the computer. i assumed my manager didn't hear what i said and just went on with my job. a few hours later, i caught a glimpse of my manager talking to my coworker. then the day after that they cornered me in the backroom saying that i got them in trouble. apparently my manager had heard what i said and checked the cameras not too long after to see if what i said was true and it was. my coworker is pissed at me. aita? [/INST] nta. fully walked into this expecting to say the opposite, because it’s wally world and screw them and their starvation wages. but since it seems it was accidental, i think you’re in the clear. </s>
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WIBTAH if I told my neighbor his kids couldn’t play on our land anymore?
|
in our neighborhood everyone has a few acres of forest land. my neighbors decided to use the flat land in front of their house for an addition and garage, building right to our property line. they have plenty of their own land behind their house though. we had a survey done recently which made us realize how much of our land they had been using, driving on, parking, keeping a trampoline and swings. it’s so close to the front of their house that we probably won’t do much with that land.
the problem is, they are the biggest bullies i’ve ever lived near. we are unincorporated and have no hoa, and they hate basically everything we do on our property, and of course pay attention to it all. recently my neighbor mentioned that he checked the county records for construction permits and thought we hadn’t pulled all the necessary permits for our basement remodel (we had).
now i feel like i have to read the fine print on all the zoning rules, and am just frustrated with their passive aggressive text messages about anything we do. i’m really thinking we should send a certified letter telling them to stop using our land and to remove the kids toys, etc. wibtah?
| 2,566 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ep9wbx/wibtah_if_i_told_my_neighbor_his_kids_couldnt/
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2020-01-15 22:47:57
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nta. actually you should definitely get things like the trampoline off your land - that is a huge insurance liability.
there's an old saying "fences make good neighbors". separate your land asap.
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nta...its your land you pay for.....put up a fence!!!!
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nta. you better get on top of that because if you don't they will have a solid [adverse possession](https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/adverse-possession-trespassers-become-owners-46934.html) claim on the land and you could lose it.
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nta, get a survey done and put stakes in. tell them they need to relocate toys and trampolines to their side. you don’t even have to put in a fence, instead put a few bushes or a flower bed along the line. you can tell them that you’ve decided to add some landscaping and wanted to clear up what land belongs to whom before planting if they are being dickbags.
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nta. if they're using a trampoline on your land you need to get that shit off of there right away. not sure where you live but here in the us most homeowners insurance policies don't cover injuries from trampolines and if it's on your side of the property line there's a good chance you could be held liable if one of their kids get hurt. i'd try putting down some sugar first before i brought out the vinegar but one way or another children playing on your side of the property line could cost you big bucks in the long run if they, or they're friends, get injured.
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nta
get some markers to show where the property line is.
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nta get the trampoline and toys off your property. it's a genuine liability issue that you should have certified letters demanding their removal in case anyone gets hurt. it's not being petty.
petty is mentioning in the letters that you know they will understand the dire need of immediacy. they are excellent neighbors who pull county records to confirm others' obedience to the law. surely, they will want to rectify their own actions as soon as humanly possible.
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nta
you'd be surprised at how willing those neighbors would be to sue you if one of their family were to injure themselves on your property.
a lot of insurance companies won't insure a trampoline injury because they're injury laden liabilities.
you definitely need a copy of your survey from the county you live in (there is probably one on file you can get a copy of) and send them a copy with a cease and desist letter, telling them they have x number of days to remove their property from your land or it will be removed by you.
i don't know what state you live in, but here in ohio, i had a problem with my neighbor that they kept parking their cars on my side yard, put large car parts out there (think transmissions and axles) and would drive thru my yard to use my driveway because theirs was so filled with broken down cars they couldn't get out. i talked to one of the lawyers i worked with and he recommended a "cheap" fence. it was stakes and rope i got at home depot. i drilled holes in the stakes, ran the ropes up one way then down the other. i then hung keep out signs about every six feet.
i had a cheap camera on my side window i got from amazon for about $25 and filmed 24/7.
the first time they took down my "fence" i called the police and had video footage of them taking it down. they were charged with vandalism (for taking down my fence) and trespassing.
it's time to get tough with this guy before you lose your house, your land, and have your paychecks garnished for the rest of your life.
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nta. please please get that trampoline off your property. i would put up a fence if i were you. if one of their kids gets hurt in your land you are deemed responsible. if you du ask them to please get their stuff off the land, make sure it’s documented ie: registered mail, or an email or text that you save. that way you gave proof you have asked them to get off in case their kids do get hurt. i e we oils check with r/legaladvice if i were you!
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nta- in fact, letting kids jump on a trampoline on your property is a lawsuit waiting to happing. i would build a fence if i was you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: in our neighborhood everyone has a few acres of forest land. my neighbors decided to use the flat land in front of their house for an addition and garage, building right to our property line. they have plenty of their own land behind their house though. we had a survey done recently which made us realize how much of our land they had been using, driving on, parking, keeping a trampoline and swings. it’s so close to the front of their house that we probably won’t do much with that land. the problem is, they are the biggest bullies i’ve ever lived near. we are unincorporated and have no hoa, and they hate basically everything we do on our property, and of course pay attention to it all. recently my neighbor mentioned that he checked the county records for construction permits and thought we hadn’t pulled all the necessary permits for our basement remodel (we had). now i feel like i have to read the fine print on all the zoning rules, and am just frustrated with their passive aggressive text messages about anything we do. i’m really thinking we should send a certified letter telling them to stop using our land and to remove the kids toys, etc. wibtah?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
in our neighborhood everyone has a few acres of forest land. my neighbors decided to use the flat land in front of their house for an addition and garage, building right to our property line. they have plenty of their own land behind their house though. we had a survey done recently which made us realize how much of our land they had been using, driving on, parking, keeping a trampoline and swings. it’s so close to the front of their house that we probably won’t do much with that land. the problem is, they are the biggest bullies i’ve ever lived near. we are unincorporated and have no hoa, and they hate basically everything we do on our property, and of course pay attention to it all. recently my neighbor mentioned that he checked the county records for construction permits and thought we hadn’t pulled all the necessary permits for our basement remodel (we had). now i feel like i have to read the fine print on all the zoning rules, and am just frustrated with their passive aggressive text messages about anything we do. i’m really thinking we should send a certified letter telling them to stop using our land and to remove the kids toys, etc. wibtah? [/INST] nta. actually you should definitely get things like the trampoline off your land - that is a huge insurance liability. there's an old saying "fences make good neighbors". separate your land asap. </s>
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AITA for calling my SiL a worthless poc?
| 5,613 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vedami/aita_for_calling_my_sil_a_worthless_poc/
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2022-06-17 13:33:49
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nta.
ultimately she put a 6 year old in charge of her 2 year old. whether or not she was expected to be rational after he was in a dangerous situation, *she* is the one who endangered her child. and then she took it out on your child, who was probably terrified at all the screaming and things with your nephew.
however she was feeling, i would have felt the same way in your position. how dare she attack your *6 year old* so viciously, with actual insults, right then about that. i am on your side here, completely. i'd have torn her a new one.
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nta
“it’s ridiculous to expect a woman who almost lost her child to be rational”
yeah well i think it’s equally ridiculous to expect a parent who’s just witnessed an out of control woman verbally abuse their 6 year old to be rational.
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nta - it is not your six year olds responsibility to watch a two-year old. she "almost" lost her daughter because of her negligence.
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nta, she neglected her kid and wanted someone to blame that wasn’t her or her husband.
also, just a heads up, poc typically refers to “person of color” not “piece of crap.” so…really thought this story was gonna go differently.
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[removed]
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nta. i get her stress, but no one expects a little girl to be in charge of swimming.
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nta - your sil is a major ah and a neglectful parent. expecting a 6 yr old who is obviously being a 6 yr old and making sand/drip castles to be a lifeguard for her child is absurd!
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this is like letting a horse watch a dog and keep her out of trouble. nta, but definitely keep an eye on that sil and her relationship with your daughter. irrational adults pick on/exclude/traumatize kids all the time and it goes under the radar.
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[removed]
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i was in the position of your daughter once.
i was four, and tasked with watching my brother who was two. brother climbed and fell and got really hurt and almost gouged his eye out. i can still hear my parents screaming horrible things at me over it.
that was the moment where a single adult defending me would’ve cured a lifetime of insecurity and feeling responsible for people i don’t owe a responsibility to.
you’re nta. protect your daughter.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta. ultimately she put a 6 year old in charge of her 2 year old. whether or not she was expected to be rational after he was in a dangerous situation, *she* is the one who endangered her child. and then she took it out on your child, who was probably terrified at all the screaming and things with your nephew. however she was feeling, i would have felt the same way in your position. how dare she attack your *6 year old* so viciously, with actual insults, right then about that. i am on your side here, completely. i'd have torn her a new one. </s>
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AITA for asking for pocket money because "I am a kid too"
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i am 19f, have a little brother who is 8, and living with my parents at the moment. i am still studying so i cannot pay rent yet, but i do earn my own pocket money from part-time jobs.
my father's 3 brothers and their family came to our town for a vacation for 3 days over the weekend. they have not met for years so it's their big gathering and they had been planning for a long time. that plan seemed to have the members split into 2 groups - the adults and the kids. i had been arranged to join the kids' group, when i tried to protest they insist that i am a "kid" too, so i just had to submit to my fate. clearly they all just wanted a babysitter for their 5 kids(age 5-10) while they "adults" get out and enjoy their reunion.
so i spent the weekend babysitting a total of 5 kids. that includes organizing games at home to entertain them, bring them to science park and the likes for outings and food and just overall watch over their safety and be an "adult" when needed. to be honest it was quite fun, though tiring when i sometimes had to raise my voice to make myself heard and drag the younger ones back when they stray too far(i admit, i am not really babysitter material). the kids seem to like me, so i guess it went well too. however, i still would rather be either hanging out with other adults or just having my weekend to my own.
when my 3 uncles' families' were leaving after the weekend, they gave pocket money to each of the kids, including my brother, my father also gave pocket money to each of my cousins. almost as expected, there wasn't a share for me. now, i don't really care about the pocket money, they are just a couple of notes i can easily earn in a few hours, but i am rather annoyed for the fact that conveniently, i was skipped for being an "adult" this time.
i put on the biggest smile i and asked politely for pocket money from my uncles and aunt-in laws. they were a little taken aback. i said as sweetly as i could that i deserve pocket money too for being a "kid", they said so themselves. in all awkwardness i got my pocket money. needless to say, my parents looked like they had shit smeared across their faces.
i got the biggest shit from my parents after they left. in their words, i am a major ah to have deliberately made my parents lose face, and so on and so forth. aita?
| 25,752 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2mewl/aita_for_asking_for_pocket_money_because_i_am_a/
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2019-09-11 07:31:06
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nta
it is kinda in poor taste considering you do work, but they conveniently categorize you as a child or adult based on their needs. need a free babysitter? kid. handing out pocket money to children? now you’re an adult. it was the adultier adults here who were assholes. they used you for free childcare when they could have literally just asked you do to it. i’m sure you would have said yes if they hadn’t manipulated you into doing it.
good on you for asking for the cash anyway. you can give it to your brother if you like, but the point is you taught the adults a lesson. just because you are someone’s child does not make you a child.
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nta
either they pay you pocket money for being a kid, or they pay you a hourly rate for being a babysitter. their choice.
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i-n-f-o: were you paid for your babysitting duties?
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>deliberately made my parents lose face
no, their allowing you to be treated unfairly for their benefit made them lose face. nta, and thanks for the laugh!
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hahahaha nta at all! that was a boss move! parents have the worst double standards, always extra critical when it comes to our responsibilities once we turn adults, but in the same vein when we demand our rights, suddenly we are just children again! yes, you embarrassed your parents and relatives, but honestly, they deserved it.
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nta
lol. they got what they had coming.
but i wouldn't have asked for pocket money. i would have asked prior to the event to be paid per hour for babysitting. if they had refused then you could have declined doing it.
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nta. go to your parents and apologise and say you'll also apologise to your uncles and return the pocket money... if they pay your babysitting bill. and show them how much the babysitting would have cost, broken down by cost per hour per child. show them this thread to let them know they are guilty of major double-standards.
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hahaha nta at all, you should have asked for more considering they worked you all weekend. well played
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yta
a beautiful, well thought out asshole, but an asshole nonetheless.
i applaud what you did. it is exactly what you parents, aunts, and uncles deserved, but let's make no mistake, you were intentionally an asshole. it was a truly brilliant move.
in life there are moments when being an asshole is necessary. this was one of them.
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nta. they got free babysitting and clearly don’t respect you. it’s such a pet peeve when people blatantly flip the kid/adult switch with the teens/yas in their lives according to whichever benefits them most at that moment.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am 19f, have a little brother who is 8, and living with my parents at the moment. i am still studying so i cannot pay rent yet, but i do earn my own pocket money from part-time jobs. my father's 3 brothers and their family came to our town for a vacation for 3 days over the weekend. they have not met for years so it's their big gathering and they had been planning for a long time. that plan seemed to have the members split into 2 groups - the adults and the kids. i had been arranged to join the kids' group, when i tried to protest they insist that i am a "kid" too, so i just had to submit to my fate. clearly they all just wanted a babysitter for their 5 kids(age 5-10) while they "adults" get out and enjoy their reunion. so i spent the weekend babysitting a total of 5 kids. that includes organizing games at home to entertain them, bring them to science park and the likes for outings and food and just overall watch over their safety and be an "adult" when needed. to be honest it was quite fun, though tiring when i sometimes had to raise my voice to make myself heard and drag the younger ones back when they stray too far(i admit, i am not really babysitter material). the kids seem to like me, so i guess it went well too. however, i still would rather be either hanging out with other adults or just having my weekend to my own. when my 3 uncles' families' were leaving after the weekend, they gave pocket money to each of the kids, including my brother, my father also gave pocket money to each of my cousins. almost as expected, there wasn't a share for me. now, i don't really care about the pocket money, they are just a couple of notes i can easily earn in a few hours, but i am rather annoyed for the fact that conveniently, i was skipped for being an "adult" this time. i put on the biggest smile i and asked politely for pocket money from my uncles and aunt-in laws. they were a little taken aback. i said as sweetly as i could that i deserve pocket money too for being a "kid", they said so themselves. in all awkwardness i got my pocket money. needless to say, my parents looked like they had shit smeared across their faces. i got the biggest shit from my parents after they left. in their words, i am a major ah to have deliberately made my parents lose face, and so on and so forth. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am 19f, have a little brother who is 8, and living with my parents at the moment. i am still studying so i cannot pay rent yet, but i do earn my own pocket money from part-time jobs. my father's 3 brothers and their family came to our town for a vacation for 3 days over the weekend. they have not met for years so it's their big gathering and they had been planning for a long time. that plan seemed to have the members split into 2 groups - the adults and the kids. i had been arranged to join the kids' group, when i tried to protest they insist that i am a "kid" too, so i just had to submit to my fate. clearly they all just wanted a babysitter for their 5 kids(age 5-10) while they "adults" get out and enjoy their reunion. so i spent the weekend babysitting a total of 5 kids. that includes organizing games at home to entertain them, bring them to science park and the likes for outings and food and just overall watch over their safety and be an "adult" when needed. to be honest it was quite fun, though tiring when i sometimes had to raise my voice to make myself heard and drag the younger ones back when they stray too far(i admit, i am not really babysitter material). the kids seem to like me, so i guess it went well too. however, i still would rather be either hanging out with other adults or just having my weekend to my own. when my 3 uncles' families' were leaving after the weekend, they gave pocket money to each of the kids, including my brother, my father also gave pocket money to each of my cousins. almost as expected, there wasn't a share for me. now, i don't really care about the pocket money, they are just a couple of notes i can easily earn in a few hours, but i am rather annoyed for the fact that conveniently, i was skipped for being an "adult" this time. i put on the biggest smile i and asked politely for pocket money from my uncles and aunt-in laws. they were a little taken aback. i said as sweetly as i could that i deserve pocket money too for being a "kid", they said so themselves. in all awkwardness i got my pocket money. needless to say, my parents looked like they had shit smeared across their faces. i got the biggest shit from my parents after they left. in their words, i am a major ah to have deliberately made my parents lose face, and so on and so forth. aita? [/INST] nta it is kinda in poor taste considering you do work, but they conveniently categorize you as a child or adult based on their needs. need a free babysitter? kid. handing out pocket money to children? now you’re an adult. it was the adultier adults here who were assholes. they used you for free childcare when they could have literally just asked you do to it. i’m sure you would have said yes if they hadn’t manipulated you into doing it. good on you for asking for the cash anyway. you can give it to your brother if you like, but the point is you taught the adults a lesson. just because you are someone’s child does not make you a child. </s>
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AITA for telling my 7 YO niece, who doesn't do what she's told, that this is why people yell at her?
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because honestly i do feel kind of bad for it. i was watching my nieces, and the oldest, 7, has very selective hearing. she almost never does what she's told, even up to the point that her parents, grandparents, and aunts get frustrated and raise their voice at her. she usually gets really upset at that point, and she does have a tendency to talk about how grown ups are usually really mean with her. i try really hard to be patient with her...
but today, i was asking her to put her toys back in our playroom and she kept ignoring me. i asked her again, nada. she kept playing in the kitchen floor, where toys are not allowed. (our kitchen doubles as a hallway and i have almost broken my neck more than once stepping on a ball, car, or lego)
after about the fifth time of asking her, waiting, and asking again, (she would look up at me or say "i'm just going to do this instead.) i sternly (without yelling) said, "this is why people yell at you. do you like when grown ups yell at you? because this is exactly why it happens. if you don't want to get shouted at, you should start listening when people talk to you."
she looked up at me with huge doe eyes, gathered up her toys, and promptly put them where they were supposed to go. but it was very clear that i did hurt her feelings. i've been thinking about it for a few hours now. aita?
tl;dr, my 7 yo niece got on my last nerve and i snapped and told her that her disobedience is why people yell at her.
| 806 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qefk02/aita_for_telling_my_7_yo_niece_who_doesnt_do_what/
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2021-10-23 22:57:03
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nta, her parents are. sounds like her parents haven’t enforced any real consequences for her failure to listen, so she knows she can get away with ignoring people
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nta you explained the link between consequences and actions and it got through to her.
you didn't yell, you didn't target her self but rather her behaviour, and how to change it. sounds good to me.
you can follow that up with a gentler conversation if you think she's feeling hurt and reiterate that *she* is loved, and that adults also should not shout, but that her behaviour of ignoring people who ask her to do something and doing things she knows she's not supposed to o is not acceptable and it makes people frustrated.
it'd be a good time to talk to her about *why* she ignores it when people ask her stuff.
someone's probably gonna have a go at me about coddling kids, but kids have their own internal logic - getting them on the same page makes for a lot better behaviour than pushing against them without understanding what's going on in their stubborn strange little heads. so even is the answer is 'because i don't want to' it's a time to talk about how sometimes you have to do what you're asked even if you don't want to and if not there are consequences.
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nta. it sounds like something she needed to hear when she was ready to hear it. has she been evaluated for hearing and attention disorders?
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nta. there’s nothing to feel bad about. you didn’t yell at her, you explained why she should listen in a way she understood. given her reaction, it sounds like you got through to her and hopefully she won’t forget it. better she get it from you now than go through life always being yelled at and not understanding the reason for it, even if yelling can be uncalled for at times.
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nta sometimes the truth hurts but it needs saying.
i use to watch a little girl who wad 3/4 and she would ignore you the first couple times you asked. then, without looking at you, would start saying things "are you talking? i cant hear you. why arent you talking?" ect....
took me a minute to realize she knew exactly what she was doing. i had to calmly pick her up and put her in the time out spot and tell her to let me know when her hearing came back. she would gladly just sit and pout for way longer than needed rather than acknowledge what i wanted of her but eventually would come around.
she was frustratingly smart.
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info: does she actually hear you?
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nta. she doesn’t like how adults interact with her and it’s a good thing for her to understand that their actions are a result of her misbehaviour.
i do however hope you wrapped the interaction up with some praise for doing the right thing in the end.
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info: has she ever had her hearing tested? or is she only 'ignoring' people in certain circumstances? generally i'd think a child her age would protest or say something when getting told to do something she doesn't want to do, not just stay silent
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slight yta. it seems she knows people yell at her and she doesn’t like or understand. has anyone gotten her assessed to make sure she doesn’t have another condition such as adhd. ultimately though yelling is not the right way to correct bad behavior. nor is telling her “see this is why people yell at you.” there is no reason to yell at a child unless they are doing something life threatening (and i know this is sometimes easier said than done). you asked to put the toys away but did you go to her look her in the eyes make sure she repeated what you said? if after a three times of doing this then it’s time for natural consequences - toys go in time out. that being said considering this happens to several people unless she’s had no structure in her life i would kindly ask her parents to get her evaluated. if she is consistently feeling bad for something out of her control without the appropriate help to guide and help her, she will develop other behavioral and mental challenges in the future.
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nta. it sounds like she doesn't understand why adults raise their voices, which is really unfortunate.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.106132 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: because honestly i do feel kind of bad for it. i was watching my nieces, and the oldest, 7, has very selective hearing. she almost never does what she's told, even up to the point that her parents, grandparents, and aunts get frustrated and raise their voice at her. she usually gets really upset at that point, and she does have a tendency to talk about how grown ups are usually really mean with her. i try really hard to be patient with her... but today, i was asking her to put her toys back in our playroom and she kept ignoring me. i asked her again, nada. she kept playing in the kitchen floor, where toys are not allowed. (our kitchen doubles as a hallway and i have almost broken my neck more than once stepping on a ball, car, or lego) after about the fifth time of asking her, waiting, and asking again, (she would look up at me or say "i'm just going to do this instead.) i sternly (without yelling) said, "this is why people yell at you. do you like when grown ups yell at you? because this is exactly why it happens. if you don't want to get shouted at, you should start listening when people talk to you." she looked up at me with huge doe eyes, gathered up her toys, and promptly put them where they were supposed to go. but it was very clear that i did hurt her feelings. i've been thinking about it for a few hours now. aita? tl;dr, my 7 yo niece got on my last nerve and i snapped and told her that her disobedience is why people yell at her.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
because honestly i do feel kind of bad for it. i was watching my nieces, and the oldest, 7, has very selective hearing. she almost never does what she's told, even up to the point that her parents, grandparents, and aunts get frustrated and raise their voice at her. she usually gets really upset at that point, and she does have a tendency to talk about how grown ups are usually really mean with her. i try really hard to be patient with her... but today, i was asking her to put her toys back in our playroom and she kept ignoring me. i asked her again, nada. she kept playing in the kitchen floor, where toys are not allowed. (our kitchen doubles as a hallway and i have almost broken my neck more than once stepping on a ball, car, or lego) after about the fifth time of asking her, waiting, and asking again, (she would look up at me or say "i'm just going to do this instead.) i sternly (without yelling) said, "this is why people yell at you. do you like when grown ups yell at you? because this is exactly why it happens. if you don't want to get shouted at, you should start listening when people talk to you." she looked up at me with huge doe eyes, gathered up her toys, and promptly put them where they were supposed to go. but it was very clear that i did hurt her feelings. i've been thinking about it for a few hours now. aita? tl;dr, my 7 yo niece got on my last nerve and i snapped and told her that her disobedience is why people yell at her. [/INST] nta, her parents are. sounds like her parents haven’t enforced any real consequences for her failure to listen, so she knows she can get away with ignoring people </s>
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AITA for letting my daughters speak Spanish around the house?
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my husband and i have been fostering maya (8f) and juliana (6f) for almost 2 years and are in the process of adopting them. maya's and juliana's first language is spanish and both girls are more comfortable speaking spanish than english and prefer to speak spanish when they're with us.
i'm not fluent in spanish but i can usually speak to the girls in spanish without any problems. my husband, on the other hand, didn't know any spanish when we first started fostering them and he doesn't want the girls to speak spanish at home.
we came to a compromise that they'll speak english around him but they can still speak whatever language they want to me and to each other. this worked for a while but lately he's been getting frustrated if he hears me talk to them in spanish.
the girls have copies of most of their books in both english and spanish and on saturday, i took them out for a girl's day and we got our nails done, went out to eat, and went shopping. when we came back, the spanish copies of their books were in a bag in front of the front door. i asked my husband about it and he said he gave them away on buy nothing since the girls have the same books in english and don't need 2 copies.
i took the girls to their room to put their books and new toys and dresses away and started to get them ready for bed (we were out a little late so it was almost their bedtime). after they were asleep, my husband and i got into a huge argument over him trying to give away their books. he thinks it was justified because he doesn't speak spanish and thinks it shouldn't be spoken in the house.
he's now sleeping in the guest room and we're not speaking except about the girls.
| 3,690 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ps0xkd/aita_for_letting_my_daughters_speak_spanish/
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2021-09-20 18:39:29
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nta. your husband is, though. your daughters' first language is spanish and it's an important and valuable part of their heritage.
he should be trying to learn the language himself, not trying to take their culture away from them.
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your husband is ta. keep encouraging those girls to speak spanish and english! learning multiple languages is so great for people and at such a young age.
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nta - you are working hard to make sure the girls you are fostering are comfortable and are supporting them keeping in touch with their culture. you've even tried to compromise by agreeing that you'll speak english around him.
your husband is an asshat. i know languages can be hard, but he's not making any effort and because he doesn't like it he has unilaterally decided it's going to be abolished.
tread carefully here, what your husband is doing can be detrimental to your foster children. it's one thing to be stubborn and not learn spanish, it's another to abolish it and remove traces of it.
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nta
i get that your husband is frustrated hearing everyone else in the house speak a language that he doesn’t. you know what the mature response is, though? he can learn it. he has had two years with them in his house. at the very least he could trouble to learn their language a little (good morning, how are you, how was school, are you hungry, etc), and giving away their books is incredibly cruel. i think that your initial compromise was reasonable, that they speak english with him and spanish with you. but honestly, how can he not have even tried to communicate with your foster daughters in their native language? i’ve never been a great linguist, but even i could pick up a few basic words in my great-aunt’s language after two days in her house. these girls have been through enough trauma being away from their family; let them continue to have the comfort of speaking spanish to you.
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nta but your husband is.
being bilingual is a huge advantage for anyone. if he wants to understand what it being said in his house at all times, then he can learn spanish.
having those books in two languages helped them learn english. just as having pictures in the books helps kids learn to read. when they are old enough, the girls can decide to donate both copies to help others to read, if they like, but the books belonged to them.
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nta. the only good people here are you and the girls. the girls are going through a massive transition of being without family, or a home, and it's wonderful that you're fostering them. but since you've now discovered your husband is a massive xenophobe i guess you have two choices.
1) stop the adoption process and let them be adopted by a family that loves them unconditionally.
2) divorce your husband and just adopt them yourself.
the sneaky underhanded racist way your husband is undermining these kids' cultural identity is horrific.
protect them at all costs.
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nta. your husband should have never adopted them if he wasn’t going to let the speak spanish though. it is a part of who they are and their ancestors. my husband’s mother is japanese and his dad wanted her to work on her english so she never could speak japanese at home. my husband so wishes he could have learned the language.
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nta
&#x200b;
your husband wants to adopt - but he is not even ready to learn another language for it.
|
esh
because you are adopting minority kids while your husband is a raging racist who wants to eliminate their culture. trans-racial adoptions are difficult for everyone but in this case it's going to be damaging for the kids long term.
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nta-
wtf? he gets mad that they speak their first language? that does not sound right at all. you’re right to get mad at him, he wouldn’t be very happy if he got told he couldn’t speak his primary language so i don’t understand why he thinks it’s okay to do it to your girls. good luck op!
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have been fostering maya (8f) and juliana (6f) for almost 2 years and are in the process of adopting them. maya's and juliana's first language is spanish and both girls are more comfortable speaking spanish than english and prefer to speak spanish when they're with us. i'm not fluent in spanish but i can usually speak to the girls in spanish without any problems. my husband, on the other hand, didn't know any spanish when we first started fostering them and he doesn't want the girls to speak spanish at home. we came to a compromise that they'll speak english around him but they can still speak whatever language they want to me and to each other. this worked for a while but lately he's been getting frustrated if he hears me talk to them in spanish. the girls have copies of most of their books in both english and spanish and on saturday, i took them out for a girl's day and we got our nails done, went out to eat, and went shopping. when we came back, the spanish copies of their books were in a bag in front of the front door. i asked my husband about it and he said he gave them away on buy nothing since the girls have the same books in english and don't need 2 copies. i took the girls to their room to put their books and new toys and dresses away and started to get them ready for bed (we were out a little late so it was almost their bedtime). after they were asleep, my husband and i got into a huge argument over him trying to give away their books. he thinks it was justified because he doesn't speak spanish and thinks it shouldn't be spoken in the house. he's now sleeping in the guest room and we're not speaking except about the girls.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have been fostering maya (8f) and juliana (6f) for almost 2 years and are in the process of adopting them. maya's and juliana's first language is spanish and both girls are more comfortable speaking spanish than english and prefer to speak spanish when they're with us. i'm not fluent in spanish but i can usually speak to the girls in spanish without any problems. my husband, on the other hand, didn't know any spanish when we first started fostering them and he doesn't want the girls to speak spanish at home. we came to a compromise that they'll speak english around him but they can still speak whatever language they want to me and to each other. this worked for a while but lately he's been getting frustrated if he hears me talk to them in spanish. the girls have copies of most of their books in both english and spanish and on saturday, i took them out for a girl's day and we got our nails done, went out to eat, and went shopping. when we came back, the spanish copies of their books were in a bag in front of the front door. i asked my husband about it and he said he gave them away on buy nothing since the girls have the same books in english and don't need 2 copies. i took the girls to their room to put their books and new toys and dresses away and started to get them ready for bed (we were out a little late so it was almost their bedtime). after they were asleep, my husband and i got into a huge argument over him trying to give away their books. he thinks it was justified because he doesn't speak spanish and thinks it shouldn't be spoken in the house. he's now sleeping in the guest room and we're not speaking except about the girls. [/INST] nta. your husband is, though. your daughters' first language is spanish and it's an important and valuable part of their heritage. he should be trying to learn the language himself, not trying to take their culture away from them. </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay my parents the scholarship money given to me by our church?
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21ftm. i was adopted by not only two well-meaning parents, but an entire congregation of evangelical lutherans. i learned that as a christian, i am to be kind, giving, and accepting of others. and those philosophies have earned me many wonderful friends and makes me feel fulfilled.
however, i also happened to be a closeted transman. or at least, partially closeted. i know there's many bible-thumpers out there who would read this and immediately scream that i'm going to hell or whatever, but i never really believed in that kind of christianity. i see god and jesus as beings that encompass all of humanity. surely, they would accept anyone who followed in their spirit and believed in what they stand for. if they're not real, at least i found fulfillment in life from spreading joy to other people. (and no, i don't mean preaching bible verses. i mean that i love to joke around and laugh and bring smiles on other people's faces. i work as a cashier, so i see a lot of sad people every day, and i want to make them feel better, at least for a while.)
my parents don't know that i'm trans, but i think they at least suspect it. however, they know that my best friend is trans as well, and so they believe that i am actively turning my back to christianity by being associated with him. it makes me really sad, and i've tried to explain to them that i don't think it matters, so long as you're not actively harming anyone and you're still a genuinely good person.
anyway, i received a small but very much appreciated scholarship from my church, which i used for textbooks and supplies. my father was furious. while i see christianity as a religion of generosity and empathy, he sees it as a strict set of rules you have to follow to the letter. he and my mom also tithe 20% of their annual salaries to the church. by being friends with a trans person, he has decided that i am no longer a christian, and since they've poured so much money into our church, it would make sense that i gave them the scholarship money, since i don't deserve it.
i told them no, and said that if anything, they're the ones not being christian by being so intolerant of other people. my dad said that being tolerant of everyone is why we have so many issues in america, which is a whole other thing to unpack, and told me to see how my acceptance of people does when i die and go to hell. i know that deep down he is concerned about me getting into heaven and that he cares for my wellbeing, but i feel like he's very indoctrinated and unwilling to even try to understand that i can have friends who aren't cis and/or christian and not be an awful human being. i did not give them the money, and now they're not talking to me unless they need something, and i feel badly. aita?
| 307 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v498bk/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_my_parents_the/
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2022-06-03 21:14:37
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nta. pretty sure scholarships are to be used for school stuff. you did the right thing.
also, your parents aren't christian. they're bigots hiding behind a religion and a god that they disrespect.
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nta i dont know what your church's stance on trans people but i can guarantee that you are living a more christian lifestyle in being a good person in society than your parents are for being bigots. tuition is expensive. keep the money
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>now they're not talking to me unless they need something
do you see the imbalance here? they expect you to be giving, helpful and respectful to them, but refuse any of of that for you. they are not christians and will be very surprised at what's coming to them after they die.
edit if you chose to continue talking to them, tell your dad that you are very worried that he is going to hell. ask him if he thinks he can buy his way into heaven.
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nta. that scholarships money is meant for you, not them. i could maybe see them asking you to return that money to the church if they think you aren’t representing the church properly so another student can receive those funds. they are being greedy and selfish, also they aren’t following in the teachings of jesus when you are. jesus was friends with all of the “sinners” and loved everyone equally, it’s weird that church goers don’t always practice what is preached in their holy book.
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christianity doesn't condone discrimination or theft. they just want the money.
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nta. you are a credit to your family and community, be happy and live well.
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nta.
you’re the student and the scholarship is for you. i can’t believe your parents would try to take that from you.
“thou shalt not steal.”
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nta. the scholarship money was meant for you.
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nta...and not to split hairs, but tithe is 10%, your parents are overpaying . i suspect they're also misled about a lot of what god/christianity mean once you take the "church madness" out of the equation.
absolutely keep the scholarship, you don't "owe" parents anything, they need to cut back their tithing!
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 21ftm. i was adopted by not only two well-meaning parents, but an entire congregation of evangelical lutherans. i learned that as a christian, i am to be kind, giving, and accepting of others. and those philosophies have earned me many wonderful friends and makes me feel fulfilled. however, i also happened to be a closeted transman. or at least, partially closeted. i know there's many bible-thumpers out there who would read this and immediately scream that i'm going to hell or whatever, but i never really believed in that kind of christianity. i see god and jesus as beings that encompass all of humanity. surely, they would accept anyone who followed in their spirit and believed in what they stand for. if they're not real, at least i found fulfillment in life from spreading joy to other people. (and no, i don't mean preaching bible verses. i mean that i love to joke around and laugh and bring smiles on other people's faces. i work as a cashier, so i see a lot of sad people every day, and i want to make them feel better, at least for a while.) my parents don't know that i'm trans, but i think they at least suspect it. however, they know that my best friend is trans as well, and so they believe that i am actively turning my back to christianity by being associated with him. it makes me really sad, and i've tried to explain to them that i don't think it matters, so long as you're not actively harming anyone and you're still a genuinely good person. anyway, i received a small but very much appreciated scholarship from my church, which i used for textbooks and supplies. my father was furious. while i see christianity as a religion of generosity and empathy, he sees it as a strict set of rules you have to follow to the letter. he and my mom also tithe 20% of their annual salaries to the church. by being friends with a trans person, he has decided that i am no longer a christian, and since they've poured so much money into our church, it would make sense that i gave them the scholarship money, since i don't deserve it. i told them no, and said that if anything, they're the ones not being christian by being so intolerant of other people. my dad said that being tolerant of everyone is why we have so many issues in america, which is a whole other thing to unpack, and told me to see how my acceptance of people does when i die and go to hell. i know that deep down he is concerned about me getting into heaven and that he cares for my wellbeing, but i feel like he's very indoctrinated and unwilling to even try to understand that i can have friends who aren't cis and/or christian and not be an awful human being. i did not give them the money, and now they're not talking to me unless they need something, and i feel badly. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
21ftm. i was adopted by not only two well-meaning parents, but an entire congregation of evangelical lutherans. i learned that as a christian, i am to be kind, giving, and accepting of others. and those philosophies have earned me many wonderful friends and makes me feel fulfilled. however, i also happened to be a closeted transman. or at least, partially closeted. i know there's many bible-thumpers out there who would read this and immediately scream that i'm going to hell or whatever, but i never really believed in that kind of christianity. i see god and jesus as beings that encompass all of humanity. surely, they would accept anyone who followed in their spirit and believed in what they stand for. if they're not real, at least i found fulfillment in life from spreading joy to other people. (and no, i don't mean preaching bible verses. i mean that i love to joke around and laugh and bring smiles on other people's faces. i work as a cashier, so i see a lot of sad people every day, and i want to make them feel better, at least for a while.) my parents don't know that i'm trans, but i think they at least suspect it. however, they know that my best friend is trans as well, and so they believe that i am actively turning my back to christianity by being associated with him. it makes me really sad, and i've tried to explain to them that i don't think it matters, so long as you're not actively harming anyone and you're still a genuinely good person. anyway, i received a small but very much appreciated scholarship from my church, which i used for textbooks and supplies. my father was furious. while i see christianity as a religion of generosity and empathy, he sees it as a strict set of rules you have to follow to the letter. he and my mom also tithe 20% of their annual salaries to the church. by being friends with a trans person, he has decided that i am no longer a christian, and since they've poured so much money into our church, it would make sense that i gave them the scholarship money, since i don't deserve it. i told them no, and said that if anything, they're the ones not being christian by being so intolerant of other people. my dad said that being tolerant of everyone is why we have so many issues in america, which is a whole other thing to unpack, and told me to see how my acceptance of people does when i die and go to hell. i know that deep down he is concerned about me getting into heaven and that he cares for my wellbeing, but i feel like he's very indoctrinated and unwilling to even try to understand that i can have friends who aren't cis and/or christian and not be an awful human being. i did not give them the money, and now they're not talking to me unless they need something, and i feel badly. aita? [/INST] nta. pretty sure scholarships are to be used for school stuff. you did the right thing. also, your parents aren't christian. they're bigots hiding behind a religion and a god that they disrespect. </s>
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AITA for continuing to accept extra help from my ex and his family even though his fiancée doesn’t like it?
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i have a 4 yo daughter with my ex. i would say we have a pretty great co-parenting relationship and he and his family have helped me more than i would’ve expected them to. he’s engaged now and his fiancée “laura” isn’t the biggest fan of mine.
i know she’s told him she doesn’t like how much he helps me and she expects him to stop after they get married. i assume he refused because she decided to come speak to me “woman to woman”.
the main things she wants me to stop are:
1. stop accepting so much money from him even if he insists
2. move out from the apartment my daughter and i live in for free and find my own place.
3. stop going on family vacations with him
4. stop having family dinners with him
5. stop attending events his family host
i told her no. she got upset and told me i should understand her perspective and why this wasn’t fair to her. that i didn’t need half of the things i accepted from him and i was just milking him like a cash cow because i had his daughter. she said that since they were a family now i should realise the dynamic between us has to change and no partner would be okay with how things are now. i told her no again and asked her to leave.
aita?
| 3,159 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/skf1ph/aita_for_continuing_to_accept_extra_help_from_my/
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2022-02-04 14:49:43
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nta - she's being incredily insecure and petty. he's taking care of his child. you will both always be there, so she needs to get over it. mive out of your apartment?! no. i hope she treats your daughter right when you're not around. the only part i could agree with cutting out would be you going on family vacations with him. unless it's some big sort of family thing in which case still, who cares? she's threatened by you.
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nta - unfortunately for laura, his child and you come with him. i don't think you need to stop having a positive co-parenting relationship bc she feels threatened. you'll always be in her life if she decides to go through with the marriage.
i would actually have a talk with your ex and let him know what she said. there needs to be boundaries in place with her as she's overstepping and you should make it clear that she's starting things and you don't appreciate it. if she has a problem, she can speak to her fiance. i feel like she has already addressed it with him and he's not changing how you guys function so she thought she could come to you to get you to back off.
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i'm going to go against the grain here. yta. i think it's fully reasonable that she's uncomfortable with this.
it sounds like he's completely supporting you financially, paying for all of your living expenses and then some. he should be paying child support, but you should otherwise support yourself as an adult.
family vacations and events are a little weird. you're acting like you're still a couple, of course his fiancee is uncomfortable with that.
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nta, you need to set a hard boundary here. she has no business speaking to you about this at all.
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was all ready to say no way are you an asshole… but some of her requests may be reasonable! if you don’t concede a few things then you aren’t being fair. also, wtf does your ex think?! isn’t this his shit to deal with?
1. if the money is for your daughter or for the home, accept it.
2. stay where you are, this is to maintain a lifestyle for your daughter.
3. yeah, sorry no more family vacations.
4. family dinners okay occasionally if the focus is your daughter.
5. you don’t need to be at his family events unless they are specifically about your daughter, like her birthday or school events, graduation, etc
otherwise really, yta and so is your ex.
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nta
the nerve! she should be happy to have a man like him. they way he and his family treat you is wonderful. i really hope that he dumps her because she sounds like trouble.
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esh. laura should just move on. no woman should have to have the ‘ex’ up in her face as much as her current fiancé and his family seem to think appropriate. you’re not at fault really except that you don’t seem to be willing to built much of an independent life.
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nta - your ex husband is maintaining a quality relationship with you and his daughter. she’s definitely ta here. i hope you gently let him know what she did so he can manage that relationship.
she’s jealous and that won’t serve anyone in the long run.
|
esh
the fiancee is not wrong. some of these are not things you should be doing without the fiance's permission, mainly -
*
stop going on family vacations with him
*
stop attending events his family host
you share a child, so any financials that your husband direct for your daughter's welfare only (be that cash, housing, food, clothing, whatever) are acceptable, and she needs to realize, but no, his family is not your family, his family vacation is not your family vacation, etc so you should let them do their family. you daughter can. you should not.
but this is everyone's problem, not just yours. they have a relationship problem, which is that you and your ex have a boundaries problem, and if you like this lady and want her to be your daughter's step-mom (and she's doing a good job) remember that what is good in their house is also good for your daughter.
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okay i feel like i'm going crazy with ahh the n t a here because to me it's a clearcut esh.
financially and with the apartment? no problem whatsoever for him to keep helping. if he's comfortable with that and y'all are considering it child support then she shouldn't be asking him to stop-particularly because it sounds like she's telling you to reject every bit of financial help which makes her the ah.
but with the family dinners and family vacations? you're the asshole there. he's trying to build a new family and you insisting on coming to these almost absolutely makes her feel like a mistress. you and him have a daughter together and you're calling it family dinner. she is family too now, so it's time to stop going to these things and let them build their family. you clearly coparent well together so not being willing to drop those two at least makes it seem like you want the family without the husband and she's getting in the way.
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
|
NTA
| 0.427172 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a 4 yo daughter with my ex. i would say we have a pretty great co-parenting relationship and he and his family have helped me more than i would’ve expected them to. he’s engaged now and his fiancée “laura” isn’t the biggest fan of mine. i know she’s told him she doesn’t like how much he helps me and she expects him to stop after they get married. i assume he refused because she decided to come speak to me “woman to woman”. the main things she wants me to stop are: 1. stop accepting so much money from him even if he insists 2. move out from the apartment my daughter and i live in for free and find my own place. 3. stop going on family vacations with him 4. stop having family dinners with him 5. stop attending events his family host i told her no. she got upset and told me i should understand her perspective and why this wasn’t fair to her. that i didn’t need half of the things i accepted from him and i was just milking him like a cash cow because i had his daughter. she said that since they were a family now i should realise the dynamic between us has to change and no partner would be okay with how things are now. i told her no again and asked her to leave. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a 4 yo daughter with my ex. i would say we have a pretty great co-parenting relationship and he and his family have helped me more than i would’ve expected them to. he’s engaged now and his fiancée “laura” isn’t the biggest fan of mine. i know she’s told him she doesn’t like how much he helps me and she expects him to stop after they get married. i assume he refused because she decided to come speak to me “woman to woman”. the main things she wants me to stop are: 1. stop accepting so much money from him even if he insists 2. move out from the apartment my daughter and i live in for free and find my own place. 3. stop going on family vacations with him 4. stop having family dinners with him 5. stop attending events his family host i told her no. she got upset and told me i should understand her perspective and why this wasn’t fair to her. that i didn’t need half of the things i accepted from him and i was just milking him like a cash cow because i had his daughter. she said that since they were a family now i should realise the dynamic between us has to change and no partner would be okay with how things are now. i told her no again and asked her to leave. aita? [/INST] nta - she's being incredily insecure and petty. he's taking care of his child. you will both always be there, so she needs to get over it. mive out of your apartment?! no. i hope she treats your daughter right when you're not around. the only part i could agree with cutting out would be you going on family vacations with him. unless it's some big sort of family thing in which case still, who cares? she's threatened by you. </s>
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AITA for keeping a dog I adopted with a man I only dated for 8 months?
|
to be clear, i adopted the dog 4 months into the relationship. we both signed the rescue association paperwork, but i paid the adoption fee (so legally the dog is mine). he is claiming “damages” for treats and toys he bought for the dog, and is planning to litigate if i don’t pay him $1000 and give him two hours with the dog to “say goodbye.” for awareness, he was a neglectful dog owner and didn’t spend time training the puppy so it was (imho) confusing for her to go back and forth between two homes - one with a schedule, training, and discipline, and the other with a schedule at best.
| 394 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k17rfs/aita_for_keeping_a_dog_i_adopted_with_a_man_i/
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2020-11-26 03:49:57
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nta.
give him nothing. if he sues you, you must respond lest a default judgement be issued against you. chances are a judge will laugh in his face. worst case scenario you might need to pay him a few bucks for treats, but surely not $1000.
> and give him two hours with the dog to “say goodbye.”
you'll never see the dog again if you do that.
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nta. legally it sounds like you’re 100% in the right here. plus where did he get that bogus figure of $1000? is that how much he says he spent on toys and treats in 4 months??
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nta run and take the dog with you. two hours to say goodbye? sounds like he wants a chance to take her. also, legally it only matters who’s name is in the vet ppw or licence information.
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what the fuck? he pressed charges bc of this dog and you only dated 8 months?? info
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nta, it’s your damn dog lol. i’d almost be wanting him to sue since you can prove the dog was yours. it’d get laughed out of court.
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nta.
your ex is ridiculous.
is he also going to sue you for any good he bought you while dating?
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nta
switch everything to your name (license, vet, etc.) and call his bluff by going no contact. he’s doing this to try and control you, not bc he cares about the dog.
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info: how much of the dog's expenses were taken care of by him?
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nta - and he's insane. i have 3 large dogs and i spend $265/mo on toys, treats, and food for all three dogs. i have a recurring subscribe and save order so i know how much they cost me. that's 2 -30lb bags of food, 24 cans of wet food, 2 cases of canned pumpkin, 2 bags of duck jerky, 2 bags of sausage treats, 3 - bully sticks, 1 squeaky alligator, 1 soft kong ball, and 1 squeaky lizard. now other months they can get more toys or treats depending on what pops up on amazon or what dog toys and treats are at costco but there's no way your bf spent $1000 on your dog in 3 months on just treats and toys. tell him to pound sand.
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tell him to bring you all the receipts for toys/treats etc and pay him however much he can prove he spent. no way he spent $1000 on treats and stuff in only 8 months
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
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NTA
| null | 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to be clear, i adopted the dog 4 months into the relationship. we both signed the rescue association paperwork, but i paid the adoption fee (so legally the dog is mine). he is claiming “damages” for treats and toys he bought for the dog, and is planning to litigate if i don’t pay him $1000 and give him two hours with the dog to “say goodbye.” for awareness, he was a neglectful dog owner and didn’t spend time training the puppy so it was (imho) confusing for her to go back and forth between two homes - one with a schedule, training, and discipline, and the other with a schedule at best.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to be clear, i adopted the dog 4 months into the relationship. we both signed the rescue association paperwork, but i paid the adoption fee (so legally the dog is mine). he is claiming “damages” for treats and toys he bought for the dog, and is planning to litigate if i don’t pay him $1000 and give him two hours with the dog to “say goodbye.” for awareness, he was a neglectful dog owner and didn’t spend time training the puppy so it was (imho) confusing for her to go back and forth between two homes - one with a schedule, training, and discipline, and the other with a schedule at best. [/INST] nta. give him nothing. if he sues you, you must respond lest a default judgement be issued against you. chances are a judge will laugh in his face. worst case scenario you might need to pay him a few bucks for treats, but surely not $1000. > and give him two hours with the dog to “say goodbye.” you'll never see the dog again if you do that. </s>
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AITA for potentially firing/kicking out my abusive adult son knowing he might become homeless?
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he graduated from a prestigious university and is extremely ambitious, but he got into drugs in high school and became a complete heroin addict after college, which got him fired his dream job and ruined his work prospects. after that, we put him through several rehabs and invited him back home to start over. my husband gave him a job in his small business, and at first it was great, but in the last few years he has gotten completely out of control.
first, he claims to have "cured" himself of heroin but has obviously replaced it with painkillers, pills, constant marijuana use, *heavy* drinking, and who knows what else, yet he flies into a blind rage when you suggest he might need help. he also refuses to go to therapy, drug counseling, anger management, or family counseling.
furthermore, my husband's clients no longer want to work with him if my son is involved because my son has come to work intoxicated a number of times and been verbally abusive to several clients. he categorically refuses to follow our house "rules." our neighbors are terrified of him because he lets his pit bull run around and blasts his music at inappropriate times, but when they complain about it, he showers profanities on them. they have told us they feel unsafe when he's around, even though they adored him in better times. his friends love him but can't be around him.
finally, he has deep hatred of us. growing up, he was rebellious and edgy; that's just his personality, but now he blames us for ruining his life and repeatedly tells us we're awful people who didn't nurture him. maybe we made mistakes, but we were never abusive and our other children are very happy and successful and we all have a great relationship. my son only began complaining about our parenting in the last year or two, and he's in his thirties! he has become emotionally abusive to me, calling me a bitch and failure of a mother on a regular basis, and he has initiated physical confrontations with my husband several times.
we love him but can no longer feel safe living or working with him, yet he has nowhere to go and no one will hire him in his current condition, despite his flawless academic pedigree. he also refuses any and all advice or help. everyone in our lives is telling us to cut him loose, but if he becomes homeless how will we forgive ourselves?
| 175 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c8ashx/aita_for_potentially_firingkicking_out_my_abusive/
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2019-07-02 15:45:09
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nta. it sounds like you are actually enabling him. it's time for tough love. do suggest he goes to recovery but if he refuses then it's tough love time.
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> he's in his thirties
nta. he's clearly a competent person when he's not abusing substances, and he's old enough to take responsibility for himself. he won't change while he's living at your home, getting away with anything he wants and not having to own up to his shortcomings and address them. tough love required.
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nta. i have a cousin who’s just like this and sadly there’s nothing you can do to change him.
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**nta**
&#x200b;
* he is an adult. he should be taking care of himself.
* he has made his own decisions and now has to live with the consequences.
* you have tried to help him but he refuses to change.
* he has a university degree. if he tried, he could probably get a job that at least will not allow him to starve to death.
* he has begun to abuse you. that is his way of saying to cut him loose whether he likes it or not.
* yes, he will most likely go homeless if he keeps this current lifestyle and attitude. that is not your fault. it is his fault and his alone. cut him loose. cut off all contact. forget about him and move on.
* do not try to give him "one final chance". based on the info you have given above, he will most likely twist this into another one of his "reasons" for thinking you are a terrible parent.
* you've said so yourself. he hates you.
>finally, he has deep hatred of us.
he should be happy to be cut loose from things he hates. it's a win-win.
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nta - you have to set boundaries. have too. drug addicts are something i don't understand. i don't have experience with them. but i do understand needing to be in a safe and healthy environment. he is an adult, if he threatens your livelihood and safety, you have to set boundaries.
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nta - it sounds like you've done everything you can do, it's time to cut him loose. if you keep tolerating his behavior, what reason does he have to change?
however, i would seek counseling for yourself and husband, or join a group like nar-anon. there are other's who have had to go through the same experience and they can be great for support and advice. you don't have to go through this alone. also, learning about co-dependency and how you have enabled him, will be crucial in making sure that you create and maintain clear boundaries going forward.
he may have to hit rock bottom before deciding to go to rehab, and that won't happen as long as he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his choices. if you haven't already, find a good rehab center that does duel-diagnosis' since it sounds like he may some mental health issues that are contributing to his addictions and can be addressed during treatment. they may be able to help with an intervention process, and when he is willing to go, all you'll have to do is get him there.
again, you don't have to go it alone. don't be embarrassed to seek support and help from others like you.
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nta. you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. recovery is hard, but you have to want it. if he isn’t trying you don’t need to feel unsafe in your own home. it’s harsh, but kicking him out might make him realize he needs to work on things.
never feel bad for not enabling someone and taking your personal safety into account.
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nta. but your should get some legal advice because, if your home has also been his primary home, you might need to evict him.
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nta
maybe give him a final warning/ultimatum? maybe it's the final straw that will make him see sense. failing that, he's old enough to not be living at home. he needs to step up and take responsibility for his own actions.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: he graduated from a prestigious university and is extremely ambitious, but he got into drugs in high school and became a complete heroin addict after college, which got him fired his dream job and ruined his work prospects. after that, we put him through several rehabs and invited him back home to start over. my husband gave him a job in his small business, and at first it was great, but in the last few years he has gotten completely out of control. first, he claims to have "cured" himself of heroin but has obviously replaced it with painkillers, pills, constant marijuana use, *heavy* drinking, and who knows what else, yet he flies into a blind rage when you suggest he might need help. he also refuses to go to therapy, drug counseling, anger management, or family counseling. furthermore, my husband's clients no longer want to work with him if my son is involved because my son has come to work intoxicated a number of times and been verbally abusive to several clients. he categorically refuses to follow our house "rules." our neighbors are terrified of him because he lets his pit bull run around and blasts his music at inappropriate times, but when they complain about it, he showers profanities on them. they have told us they feel unsafe when he's around, even though they adored him in better times. his friends love him but can't be around him. finally, he has deep hatred of us. growing up, he was rebellious and edgy; that's just his personality, but now he blames us for ruining his life and repeatedly tells us we're awful people who didn't nurture him. maybe we made mistakes, but we were never abusive and our other children are very happy and successful and we all have a great relationship. my son only began complaining about our parenting in the last year or two, and he's in his thirties! he has become emotionally abusive to me, calling me a bitch and failure of a mother on a regular basis, and he has initiated physical confrontations with my husband several times. we love him but can no longer feel safe living or working with him, yet he has nowhere to go and no one will hire him in his current condition, despite his flawless academic pedigree. he also refuses any and all advice or help. everyone in our lives is telling us to cut him loose, but if he becomes homeless how will we forgive ourselves?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
he graduated from a prestigious university and is extremely ambitious, but he got into drugs in high school and became a complete heroin addict after college, which got him fired his dream job and ruined his work prospects. after that, we put him through several rehabs and invited him back home to start over. my husband gave him a job in his small business, and at first it was great, but in the last few years he has gotten completely out of control. first, he claims to have "cured" himself of heroin but has obviously replaced it with painkillers, pills, constant marijuana use, *heavy* drinking, and who knows what else, yet he flies into a blind rage when you suggest he might need help. he also refuses to go to therapy, drug counseling, anger management, or family counseling. furthermore, my husband's clients no longer want to work with him if my son is involved because my son has come to work intoxicated a number of times and been verbally abusive to several clients. he categorically refuses to follow our house "rules." our neighbors are terrified of him because he lets his pit bull run around and blasts his music at inappropriate times, but when they complain about it, he showers profanities on them. they have told us they feel unsafe when he's around, even though they adored him in better times. his friends love him but can't be around him. finally, he has deep hatred of us. growing up, he was rebellious and edgy; that's just his personality, but now he blames us for ruining his life and repeatedly tells us we're awful people who didn't nurture him. maybe we made mistakes, but we were never abusive and our other children are very happy and successful and we all have a great relationship. my son only began complaining about our parenting in the last year or two, and he's in his thirties! he has become emotionally abusive to me, calling me a bitch and failure of a mother on a regular basis, and he has initiated physical confrontations with my husband several times. we love him but can no longer feel safe living or working with him, yet he has nowhere to go and no one will hire him in his current condition, despite his flawless academic pedigree. he also refuses any and all advice or help. everyone in our lives is telling us to cut him loose, but if he becomes homeless how will we forgive ourselves? [/INST] nta. it sounds like you are actually enabling him. it's time for tough love. do suggest he goes to recovery but if he refuses then it's tough love time. </s>
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AITA for not cleaning up the house when I'm working from home?
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my husband and i have been married for a little over a year and we both work full time. my work is 45 minutes away from home, 4-5 days a week while he only works 15 minutes away, 4 days a week so he usually gets home/is home long before i am. this hasn't been too much of an issue until the past two months.
i've switched from driving every day to working from home 2 days a week. since the change my husband has gotten pretty hostile about 'how messy' the house is when he gets home from work. he usually gets home around 3 or 4 pm. when i say messy, i mean the floor hasn't been vacuumed, there might be some dishes in the sink, and the laundry isn't done. it's not like we live in a pig sty. he seems to think that since i'm technically 'home all day' i should have had time to clean the house too. i've tried explaining to him that i'm working that whole time (8 am to 5 or 6 pm) unless i get food. it's not like i'm laying around all day and i don't want to lose payable hours or be dishonest with my employers. i've also told him multiple times that i'm happy to help clean once i'm off the clock.
when i am off the clock though he's already done most of the cleaning, which is fine. that was his choice, i offered to help and he didn't want to wait an hour or two for me to finish work. this week though he's taken it as far as to start throwing away dirty dishes and other items if i don't help right then. i almost want to go back to working at the office every day just to get him off my back.
he grew up in a house where his mom was a stay at home mom and literally does everything around the house. cooking, cleaning, laundry, finances, child raising, everything. while his dad would go to work, come home, and play video games. i can't help but wonder if this has something to do with it. am i the asshole for not having everything clean and ready for him before he comes home from work or dropping everything right then to help out?
| 236 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/es3yww/aita_for_not_cleaning_up_the_house_when_im/
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2020-01-22 00:34:19
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nta: what is the benefit to staying married to this jerk?
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nta, he's being passive aggressive and way too demanding. throwing things out to punish you for not cleaning is bordering on abusive.
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i work from home full time and i have exactly zero time to clean because i'm, ya know, working.
what i've learned from working from home is that pretty much everyone thinks i've got an endless amount of time to make dinner, clean, go grocery shopping, exercise, craft, make appointments, take my kids to appointments, and pretty much lay around the house. in reality, i have 6 hours of meetings and 4 hours of work and barely have time to pee.
nta and i think you need to have a frank discussion with your husband about how you can't take off work early just to clean just like how you'd never expect him to leave work two hours earlier to clean.
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nta- this isn't about housework or work locations, it's about a spouse who fundamentally disrespects you, your job and your time.
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nta. this is a red flag about how he deals with conflict. also he is acting as if your work is less important than his.
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nta. his expectations are unrealistic, and the fact that he's throwing away dishes is aggressive, childish, and hostile. maybe sit down and figure out your work hours including commute as well as his and present it to him that way. it sounds like you're putting in more hours than he does, which means he should be doing a larger portion of the housework. if he wanted a house wife he should have made that clear before marriage.
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nta, your husband sounds stubborn and controlling.
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nta he’s throwing away dirty dishes because you haven’t cleaned them?! that’s completely unreasonable. also fyi i also work from home some days so i know how hard it can be to get any housework done when you’re under the pump. also who the hell vacuums and does laundry every day?
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nta. it's so common for people not to respect working from home as actually working. if he's not willing to wait an hour or two for you to "get home" then that's his choice.
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info: what was your husband doing regarding cleaning when you were spending 5 days in the office? and what does he do on his extra day off? you mentioned he works 4 days a week.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have been married for a little over a year and we both work full time. my work is 45 minutes away from home, 4-5 days a week while he only works 15 minutes away, 4 days a week so he usually gets home/is home long before i am. this hasn't been too much of an issue until the past two months. i've switched from driving every day to working from home 2 days a week. since the change my husband has gotten pretty hostile about 'how messy' the house is when he gets home from work. he usually gets home around 3 or 4 pm. when i say messy, i mean the floor hasn't been vacuumed, there might be some dishes in the sink, and the laundry isn't done. it's not like we live in a pig sty. he seems to think that since i'm technically 'home all day' i should have had time to clean the house too. i've tried explaining to him that i'm working that whole time (8 am to 5 or 6 pm) unless i get food. it's not like i'm laying around all day and i don't want to lose payable hours or be dishonest with my employers. i've also told him multiple times that i'm happy to help clean once i'm off the clock. when i am off the clock though he's already done most of the cleaning, which is fine. that was his choice, i offered to help and he didn't want to wait an hour or two for me to finish work. this week though he's taken it as far as to start throwing away dirty dishes and other items if i don't help right then. i almost want to go back to working at the office every day just to get him off my back. he grew up in a house where his mom was a stay at home mom and literally does everything around the house. cooking, cleaning, laundry, finances, child raising, everything. while his dad would go to work, come home, and play video games. i can't help but wonder if this has something to do with it. am i the asshole for not having everything clean and ready for him before he comes home from work or dropping everything right then to help out?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have been married for a little over a year and we both work full time. my work is 45 minutes away from home, 4-5 days a week while he only works 15 minutes away, 4 days a week so he usually gets home/is home long before i am. this hasn't been too much of an issue until the past two months. i've switched from driving every day to working from home 2 days a week. since the change my husband has gotten pretty hostile about 'how messy' the house is when he gets home from work. he usually gets home around 3 or 4 pm. when i say messy, i mean the floor hasn't been vacuumed, there might be some dishes in the sink, and the laundry isn't done. it's not like we live in a pig sty. he seems to think that since i'm technically 'home all day' i should have had time to clean the house too. i've tried explaining to him that i'm working that whole time (8 am to 5 or 6 pm) unless i get food. it's not like i'm laying around all day and i don't want to lose payable hours or be dishonest with my employers. i've also told him multiple times that i'm happy to help clean once i'm off the clock. when i am off the clock though he's already done most of the cleaning, which is fine. that was his choice, i offered to help and he didn't want to wait an hour or two for me to finish work. this week though he's taken it as far as to start throwing away dirty dishes and other items if i don't help right then. i almost want to go back to working at the office every day just to get him off my back. he grew up in a house where his mom was a stay at home mom and literally does everything around the house. cooking, cleaning, laundry, finances, child raising, everything. while his dad would go to work, come home, and play video games. i can't help but wonder if this has something to do with it. am i the asshole for not having everything clean and ready for him before he comes home from work or dropping everything right then to help out? [/INST] nta: what is the benefit to staying married to this jerk? </s>
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AITA For refusing to do chores?
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i (24 m) have two roommates (25 f and 28 m) they are dating. i work graveyard shift and eat and shower at work. i'm a diesel mechanic and don't want to get grease in my car. my f roommate doesn't work so really just sits at home all day or goes to hang out with their family. she decided i wasn't helping enough with chores and without saying anything made a chore list. your typical stuff. when i do eat at the house which is rare i always wash my dishes and put them in the machine. but when its my day to do dishes the sink is always over flowing. for example i was staying at my now exs house for 3 weeks and came back home because my roommates were going to be gone for a week and needed someone to take care of their pets which i'm always voluntold to do. and when i came home they were already gone and i was left with 0 clean dishes and washed them all. now if i see it like that which is only on my day to do them i refuse saying i didn't make the mess and if everyone just cleaned up after them selves we wouldn't need a schedule. they threatened to kick me out for not doing them until i pointed out the fact that i pay half the rent and all the utilities. also they wanted me to mow the lawn when i get off work, i said no because i get off work at 4am and i'm not going to risk that fight with the neighbors.
| 2,787 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p9x9td/aita_for_refusing_to_do_chores/
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2021-08-23 10:46:52
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nta, especially with you paying half the rent and all the utilities?
i confess i don't think there is any salvaging this, the way you described it, the only possibility is moving on / out or getting other roommates.
i hope you find yourself a really nice small, clean appartment without any roommates that do things like this.
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nta. in normal circumstances, i feel everyone should do their fair share, but this is so not normal. they keep saving up the dishes until it’s your turn. does that mean they aren’t doing them when it is theirs? i think maybe it is time you moved elsewhere, especially since you pay the lion’s share anyway. or find new roommates. good luck.
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nta. time to get new roommates. the three of you need to sit down and have a meeting regarding that chore list! dishes should be done when you use them and not left in the sink for some else to do. that’s just bullshit! you should all take turn when it comes to vacuum, cleaning bathrooms, etc. the rest of it shouldn’t even matter because you should be cleaning up after yourselves. i’m assuming you’re all equal partners in the rent and place you rent together.
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holy fkn nta!
she's not contributing *monetarily, and you're essentially paying for her to live there and are their free pet sitter; you're being taken for a ride.
good luck with the inlaw suite! i hope you have a much more equitable situation there, because this is some bullshit.
*edited egregious swypo
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nta they are taking the piss out of you! kick them out!
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nta. sounds like your roommates are taking advantage of you
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nta and majorly so.
you are not their housemaid. thus is your home as much as theirs.
tell them that you prefer they clean up after themselves as you do after yourself, and that you expect them to do the dishes daily, vacuum every other day (pets), clean the bathroom weekly (two people using it) or whatever you prefer.
they can now the lawn as you petsit and pay the utilities
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chores you guys should have a plan for:
-bathroom
-kitchen (not dishes)
-floors (vacuuming and sweeping)
-taking trash out
at least that was our plan in my old apartment with roommates. you had one of this chores for a week and you should do it once during this week (except for the trash, this needed to be done whenever the trash can was full).
but everyone was responsible to clean up after him/herself when they used the kitchen.
seemed fair to us, maybe you can propose this to your roomates. and i hope they don't gang up on you. if so, then i would start looking for a new apartment
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (24 m) have two roommates (25 f and 28 m) they are dating. i work graveyard shift and eat and shower at work. i'm a diesel mechanic and don't want to get grease in my car. my f roommate doesn't work so really just sits at home all day or goes to hang out with their family. she decided i wasn't helping enough with chores and without saying anything made a chore list. your typical stuff. when i do eat at the house which is rare i always wash my dishes and put them in the machine. but when its my day to do dishes the sink is always over flowing. for example i was staying at my now exs house for 3 weeks and came back home because my roommates were going to be gone for a week and needed someone to take care of their pets which i'm always voluntold to do. and when i came home they were already gone and i was left with 0 clean dishes and washed them all. now if i see it like that which is only on my day to do them i refuse saying i didn't make the mess and if everyone just cleaned up after them selves we wouldn't need a schedule. they threatened to kick me out for not doing them until i pointed out the fact that i pay half the rent and all the utilities. also they wanted me to mow the lawn when i get off work, i said no because i get off work at 4am and i'm not going to risk that fight with the neighbors.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (24 m) have two roommates (25 f and 28 m) they are dating. i work graveyard shift and eat and shower at work. i'm a diesel mechanic and don't want to get grease in my car. my f roommate doesn't work so really just sits at home all day or goes to hang out with their family. she decided i wasn't helping enough with chores and without saying anything made a chore list. your typical stuff. when i do eat at the house which is rare i always wash my dishes and put them in the machine. but when its my day to do dishes the sink is always over flowing. for example i was staying at my now exs house for 3 weeks and came back home because my roommates were going to be gone for a week and needed someone to take care of their pets which i'm always voluntold to do. and when i came home they were already gone and i was left with 0 clean dishes and washed them all. now if i see it like that which is only on my day to do them i refuse saying i didn't make the mess and if everyone just cleaned up after them selves we wouldn't need a schedule. they threatened to kick me out for not doing them until i pointed out the fact that i pay half the rent and all the utilities. also they wanted me to mow the lawn when i get off work, i said no because i get off work at 4am and i'm not going to risk that fight with the neighbors. [/INST] nta, especially with you paying half the rent and all the utilities? i confess i don't think there is any salvaging this, the way you described it, the only possibility is moving on / out or getting other roommates. i hope you find yourself a really nice small, clean appartment without any roommates that do things like this. </s>
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AITA for not warning someone and intentionally got them hurt?
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i know the title sounds bad but please hear me out. i (18m) went to my class at the workshop at my college, today half of our class had to do arc welding and the other half did gas welding. i was tasked to do the latter half. now one thing i have to mention is that there are 8 welding tables for gas welding, no labels or signs that say ‘1’ ‘2’ ‘3’ ‘4’ ‘5’ ‘6’ ‘7’ ‘8’. but the table i worked at was under a sign that said ‘gas welding area’ (this is important). so after welding together 2 pieces of metal using an electrode you need to wait for it to cool down before you attempt to pick it up (it cools down in 10-15 minutes) i waited 7 minutes and tried to pick it up and of course i scolded my index finger (yes i know i was impatient that one is on me). i also need to mention that i worked later than the people i was working along side with cause the store was a bit busy and i needed a few electrodes to weld the pieces together (me being a bit late is key factor here). so after i went to the store to get a cream to treat my finger, i see another student sitting at the table i was working at (we’ll call them dg just cause), and this is how the conversation went:
me: “hey, you need something?”
dg: “no, thank you.”
me: “this is my table, mind if i sit here?”
dg: “this is actually my table, maybe you got ours mixed up?”
me: “no my table was under this sign, and thats my work over there, you’re the one who got them confused.”
they insisted that they were waiting for this piece to cool down for 15 minutes now and told me to fuck off. at this point i was irritated and decided fine, i’ll play along. i told them ok they should show it off to the tutor so they see if they did it correctly or not. they of course, picked it up with their hand and instantly screamed in pain from holding a welded piece of metal. i told them they should rush to the store to treat their hand, then i went back to my table and waited for our next task.
at the end of the class we were all dismissed and they came up to me and berated me for not warning them the piece of metal was hot. i told them they had it coming for not listening to me and ignoring me saying that it was my table. one other classmate told me i was out of line for doing that. so i’m wondering, aita? if i am put me in my place and during my next class i’ll apologise to them.
| 617 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxfnfb/aita_for_not_warning_someone_and_intentionally/
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2022-05-25 11:53:15
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nta - if he's dumb enough to go picking up random bits of welding that aren't his with his bare hands then it's his own fault when he gets burnt.
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nta you are very clever
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nta you told them it wasn’t their work and they insisted it was. you knew your work wasn’t cool yet but they thought they were right and found out the hard way they were wrong. you did tell them but they didn’t listen so it’s if it’s brought up again, remind them they burned themselves.
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sub needs a justified asshole option. since that’s lacking, nta
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nta and also youre funny af
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😂 😂 😂 😂 i can relate to this situation bc i studied welding too
if the metal piece is sitting on the table for like 7 to 10 minutes the burn is not that bad.
as for the gloves bc gas welding melts the piece you are working on but it cools really quick
as for burning these guys it's on them bc when handling something like gas welding you should always be careful to not touch anything without safety tools (gloves and other equipment)
maybe you should have told them the piece is hot but like you said you weren't looking at them
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i’m confused. was dg trying to take credit for the work you just did? if it was his piece, wouldn’t he know how many minutes went by and not touch it? this case nta. if he was just using your space, screw him!, but maybe you could have handled the situation better.
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why are yall grabbing recently welded metal with your bare hands? i feel like gloves or tongs should be the default just for safety, but i've never welded. nta bc fire indeed hot.
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nta op left to rest a burn and came back to another student saying that ops work was theirs. that’s what they get for not using their brain and trying to steal something they didn’t make. op did not say to pick it up.
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nta he came off like ta for being a jerk to you so i think he got what was coming to him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know the title sounds bad but please hear me out. i (18m) went to my class at the workshop at my college, today half of our class had to do arc welding and the other half did gas welding. i was tasked to do the latter half. now one thing i have to mention is that there are 8 welding tables for gas welding, no labels or signs that say ‘1’ ‘2’ ‘3’ ‘4’ ‘5’ ‘6’ ‘7’ ‘8’. but the table i worked at was under a sign that said ‘gas welding area’ (this is important). so after welding together 2 pieces of metal using an electrode you need to wait for it to cool down before you attempt to pick it up (it cools down in 10-15 minutes) i waited 7 minutes and tried to pick it up and of course i scolded my index finger (yes i know i was impatient that one is on me). i also need to mention that i worked later than the people i was working along side with cause the store was a bit busy and i needed a few electrodes to weld the pieces together (me being a bit late is key factor here). so after i went to the store to get a cream to treat my finger, i see another student sitting at the table i was working at (we’ll call them dg just cause), and this is how the conversation went: me: “hey, you need something?” dg: “no, thank you.” me: “this is my table, mind if i sit here?” dg: “this is actually my table, maybe you got ours mixed up?” me: “no my table was under this sign, and thats my work over there, you’re the one who got them confused.” they insisted that they were waiting for this piece to cool down for 15 minutes now and told me to fuck off. at this point i was irritated and decided fine, i’ll play along. i told them ok they should show it off to the tutor so they see if they did it correctly or not. they of course, picked it up with their hand and instantly screamed in pain from holding a welded piece of metal. i told them they should rush to the store to treat their hand, then i went back to my table and waited for our next task. at the end of the class we were all dismissed and they came up to me and berated me for not warning them the piece of metal was hot. i told them they had it coming for not listening to me and ignoring me saying that it was my table. one other classmate told me i was out of line for doing that. so i’m wondering, aita? if i am put me in my place and during my next class i’ll apologise to them.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know the title sounds bad but please hear me out. i (18m) went to my class at the workshop at my college, today half of our class had to do arc welding and the other half did gas welding. i was tasked to do the latter half. now one thing i have to mention is that there are 8 welding tables for gas welding, no labels or signs that say ‘1’ ‘2’ ‘3’ ‘4’ ‘5’ ‘6’ ‘7’ ‘8’. but the table i worked at was under a sign that said ‘gas welding area’ (this is important). so after welding together 2 pieces of metal using an electrode you need to wait for it to cool down before you attempt to pick it up (it cools down in 10-15 minutes) i waited 7 minutes and tried to pick it up and of course i scolded my index finger (yes i know i was impatient that one is on me). i also need to mention that i worked later than the people i was working along side with cause the store was a bit busy and i needed a few electrodes to weld the pieces together (me being a bit late is key factor here). so after i went to the store to get a cream to treat my finger, i see another student sitting at the table i was working at (we’ll call them dg just cause), and this is how the conversation went: me: “hey, you need something?” dg: “no, thank you.” me: “this is my table, mind if i sit here?” dg: “this is actually my table, maybe you got ours mixed up?” me: “no my table was under this sign, and thats my work over there, you’re the one who got them confused.” they insisted that they were waiting for this piece to cool down for 15 minutes now and told me to fuck off. at this point i was irritated and decided fine, i’ll play along. i told them ok they should show it off to the tutor so they see if they did it correctly or not. they of course, picked it up with their hand and instantly screamed in pain from holding a welded piece of metal. i told them they should rush to the store to treat their hand, then i went back to my table and waited for our next task. at the end of the class we were all dismissed and they came up to me and berated me for not warning them the piece of metal was hot. i told them they had it coming for not listening to me and ignoring me saying that it was my table. one other classmate told me i was out of line for doing that. so i’m wondering, aita? if i am put me in my place and during my next class i’ll apologise to them. [/INST] nta - if he's dumb enough to go picking up random bits of welding that aren't his with his bare hands then it's his own fault when he gets burnt. </s>
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AITA For not wanting my friend to come see me when she has her daughter bc I feel like she is using me
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my boyfriend and i live in florida and recently he purchased a house for us. he gets paid very well so we were able to get a 3000 sq ft home with plenty of space for family and friends to come visit us. my best friend will come see me maybe once a month or twice a month and it’s always when she has her 5yo daughter. which is no problem i love her kid but she is really bad. like doesn’t listen, if she doesn’t get her way she throws a fit and screams until my friend gives in. she will kick or hit when she’s angry and my friend does not discipline her to any extant. just shrugs it off.
my friend is currently separated from her husband but already had a new boyfriend. the child is not allowed to be around the boyfriend bc of stipulations in custody agreement with her husband that she is separated from. well her boyfriends lease ends at the end of the month. he is moving in with her. she asked me if she could come see me weekly or bi weekly when she has her daughter so that way she can abide by the custody agreement. she rarely talks to me when she doesn’t have her daughter. she will be with her boyfriend and it’s next to impossible to get her to respond. if she’s with the daughter she will text me several times in a row. thing is, i’m 7 months pregnant. her daughter completely stresses me out at this point. they are always sick too. what happens when i have the baby and i’m gonna be over stimulated and learning how to be a mother. how do i tell her no. aita for not wanting her over here? i’ve kinda of pulled away from her after she asked me that question.
| 819 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sbtm1i/aita_for_not_wanting_my_friend_to_come_see_me/
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2022-01-24 19:02:12
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nta. this person is not your friend. if you’re only being contacted when she needs something, she is using you. set a boundary and remember that no is a complete sentence.
she is making a decision that goes against her custody agreement, that’s her problem, not yours.
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nta. it is wildly inappropriate for her to make living arrangements that conflict so completely with her custody arrangement, and even more inappropriate to place the burden of that custody arrangement on you and your home. she is absolutely using you.
it is also really foolish of her not to cultivate your friendship outside of her child's presence, which is what makes her self-interest super obvious.
do not allow her to use your home as her backup custody house. that would be beyond the pale for a *family member* to ask, much less a friend who can't even be bothered to call you between child visits!
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nta. i'd be suspicious that any custody arrangement had a clause that didn't permit her child to be with her new boyfriend (unless the new boyfriend has some kind of criminal past). so it sounds like she's lying to you. in any case, take care of yourself first and there is nothing reasonable about you being her "safe haven" and secondary kid caregiver. if she doesn't know how to take care of the kid - she should not take custody of the kid and leave it permanently with her ex.
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nta , she needs to figure it out . pretty dumb to have a bf move in that can’t be around the child , which is a crazy stipulation in a custody agreement . i would just tell her how it is , doesn’t seem like a friendship worth treading nicely around to be honest .
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nta. i would just tell her that's not something you are willing to commit to or think that will work. tell her your plans change with your family needs and you don't want to be locked into plans for the foreseeable future.
but in all honesty, she is using you so she is not your friend. if you don't want to give her an excuse, "no" is an acceptable answer. don't worry about pleasing someone who only talks to you for their benefit.
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nta. i would just remind her that you’re 7 months along and the closer you get to your due date you just need more alone time, peace and quiet. you are no longer entertaining people in your home right now besides family until the due date and for some time after to settle in with baby. but i’ll let you know when i’m ready to open up my home again for visits / introduce new baby etc!
keep it positive but final. even just a no is a complete answer. otherwise leave no room for exceptions and end it with the fact that you will reach out to hang out when you’re ready.
even if she comes back to you after just repeat, “sorry i’m not still not ready yet for visits but will let you know when xx”
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nta. what? she plans to only see her daughter when she is staying with you? that’s ridiculous. talk about putting her new boyfriend ahead of her own child. no wonder the kid misbehaves, her mom doesn’t pay any attention to her.
your “friend” needs to go back to the court and get permission to have her boyfriend move in with her and to be there when she has visitation. unless there’s something wrong with the new guy that shouldn’t be unreasonable to ask. if she can’t have her daughter in her own home and her ex finds out, that would not be good. he would be justified asking for full custody since the mom doesn’t have a stable home she can bring the daughter to. she sounds super sketchy to me and i wouldn’t want to be responsible for her. i feel bad for the child.
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nta do not let her take over your house like this!! i promise if you give her permission to come whenever she has her daughter you will never get rid of her. just say no!! if she gets angry and doesn’t want to see you anymore then you know her priorities.
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nta so many red flags here not only for you but also for her child. time to end the friendship. make it very simple sorry but this will not work for you that you have to make other arrangements and then block her.
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nta
no is a complete sentence.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i live in florida and recently he purchased a house for us. he gets paid very well so we were able to get a 3000 sq ft home with plenty of space for family and friends to come visit us. my best friend will come see me maybe once a month or twice a month and it’s always when she has her 5yo daughter. which is no problem i love her kid but she is really bad. like doesn’t listen, if she doesn’t get her way she throws a fit and screams until my friend gives in. she will kick or hit when she’s angry and my friend does not discipline her to any extant. just shrugs it off. my friend is currently separated from her husband but already had a new boyfriend. the child is not allowed to be around the boyfriend bc of stipulations in custody agreement with her husband that she is separated from. well her boyfriends lease ends at the end of the month. he is moving in with her. she asked me if she could come see me weekly or bi weekly when she has her daughter so that way she can abide by the custody agreement. she rarely talks to me when she doesn’t have her daughter. she will be with her boyfriend and it’s next to impossible to get her to respond. if she’s with the daughter she will text me several times in a row. thing is, i’m 7 months pregnant. her daughter completely stresses me out at this point. they are always sick too. what happens when i have the baby and i’m gonna be over stimulated and learning how to be a mother. how do i tell her no. aita for not wanting her over here? i’ve kinda of pulled away from her after she asked me that question.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend and i live in florida and recently he purchased a house for us. he gets paid very well so we were able to get a 3000 sq ft home with plenty of space for family and friends to come visit us. my best friend will come see me maybe once a month or twice a month and it’s always when she has her 5yo daughter. which is no problem i love her kid but she is really bad. like doesn’t listen, if she doesn’t get her way she throws a fit and screams until my friend gives in. she will kick or hit when she’s angry and my friend does not discipline her to any extant. just shrugs it off. my friend is currently separated from her husband but already had a new boyfriend. the child is not allowed to be around the boyfriend bc of stipulations in custody agreement with her husband that she is separated from. well her boyfriends lease ends at the end of the month. he is moving in with her. she asked me if she could come see me weekly or bi weekly when she has her daughter so that way she can abide by the custody agreement. she rarely talks to me when she doesn’t have her daughter. she will be with her boyfriend and it’s next to impossible to get her to respond. if she’s with the daughter she will text me several times in a row. thing is, i’m 7 months pregnant. her daughter completely stresses me out at this point. they are always sick too. what happens when i have the baby and i’m gonna be over stimulated and learning how to be a mother. how do i tell her no. aita for not wanting her over here? i’ve kinda of pulled away from her after she asked me that question. [/INST] nta. this person is not your friend. if you’re only being contacted when she needs something, she is using you. set a boundary and remember that no is a complete sentence. she is making a decision that goes against her custody agreement, that’s her problem, not yours. </s>
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AITA for having a life in my own house?
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update 1: reported it to the housing officers and waiting on a call to see the next steps. they keep saying that we are loud, shouting all the time and slamming doors, and the other neighbours also say is not them so it seems i am the target for some weird reason. i am also the only one on the block without children so i guess that's it!
update 2: decided to talk to them anyway to see if we could find some kind of middle ground as i don't like being a dick. it seems that she even called the freaking police this morning to "seek advise". anyway everyone ignored her. as many of them suggested, she used to live in a detached house and now every noise seems to startled all of them. i explained that we are not party persons, we don't slam doors, when we argue we try not to shout, we try to take care of the community in general. we kind of got into a middle ground after a lot of talking but i did said i am not gonna be scared of doing anything in my own house just because she is on the bottom with a 2 year old child. i can say it's not fully safe but it's a start!
i (f28) have been living with my husband (m27) in a top military flat with no issues for more than one year up until now.
my new neighbours downstairs moved 2 months ago and have a 2 year old that seems to have anxiety and everything startles this baby. to be considerate (they don't know this) i have stopped doing my fitness routine in the flat as i know it would be annoying to hear it downstairs.
about 2 weeks ago they came a saturday at 11am and knocked in my door rather aggressively as "i was making way too much noise" (i was blow drying my hair) and slamming doors and their baby couldn't go to sleep. i find the slamming door part kind of funny as i only use one of the doors of my house and the rest are wide open. my husband opened and said sorry and i though that was it.
last night at around 11pm they came again, and we were going to sleep in that moment. they came super aggressively saying that we were making loads of noise (i was just having a bath and going to sleep, nothing on between) and also they were getting rather annoyed that we weren't arguing back.i tried to explain that we are not slamming doors and they said that they also hear us arguing. i haven't had an argument with my husband in the last months, and also we both work full time so when we see each other on the evenings we are rather tired and we just want to watch some tv and disconnect.
all of this brought to me my anxiety back full blast and i needed some support regarding it.
i feel like i can't live in my own house as everything startles this baby and that is my fault. i cannot walk fast in my house, i can't play with my cats, i can't put music, and the tv needs to be really quiet.
&#x200b;
am i the asshole here?
| 2,199 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qrif2u/aita_for_having_a_life_in_my_own_house/
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2021-11-11 10:31:24
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nta. it’s unfortunate that the building doesn’t have good soundproof but it’s not your fault. it’s not like you party all night, you are just doing your daily routine. report this to your landlord or building management board so you have a 3rd party in this. your neighbor also should soundproof the baby room
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nta i would tell them to get used to living in an apartment building and to stop knocking on my door and harassing me. their kid is their problem, not yours. the kid would adjust to the normal noise around them if the parents weren't such control freaks.
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>they said that they also hear us arguing. i haven't had an argument with my husband in the last months
yeah, it's not you keeping them up, it's someone else. some houses are built really weirdly, so it could be another flat making the noise, but it sounds like directly above them. at the end of the day, you shouldn't have to live your life on edge because of this. don't do anything overly loud (like actually slamming doors, or hammering nails into the wall).and just tell them it's not you.
nta
you've signed a contract for your lease, and the right to quiet enjoyment is one of your rights. by your neighbour complaining at you for breathing in your own flat, this is being ignored. maybe just explain it isn't you, you've been keeping it down, but you can't just not make noise the whole time.
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nta
stop catering to these people's complaints.
they are even lying about what you are doing (arguing, slamming doors).
two month babies don't have anxiety, and you can and should train them to sleep through noise. when my kids were infants, the maternity nurse told me to vacuum under their beds to train them.
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nta. i would tell your neighbour that if she has an issue to call the police and to please never knock on your door again. i would also contact your landlord and tell them your being harassed.
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nta but you should get a pet elephant.
you're being considerate, it's unfortunate that the building is obviously built with thin floors. i'm sorry your neighbours are so rubbish, hopefully they'll move out!
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nta
do i understand that this is military housing? what are his and your husband’s ranks?
i do think this is the wrong forum for this question as there are too many answers they won’t allow to be given.
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nta, it's nice to be considerate of your neighbour's but this stuff is not your problem. you're allowed to live in your house. it's possible they are hearing noise from elsewhere.
sucks for them but if their kid is that sensitive then they shouldn't live in shared housing. i have 3 kids, i get my cleaning done, vacuum and all, while they're asleep. they can invest in some white noise machines or apps.
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nta. i would recommend talking to the building owner or whoever maintains it (i guess the military equivalent of a landlord?)
explain everything you’ve just said and they may be able to have a word with the couple downstairs.
you have a right to feel safe and relaxed and free in your own home and you don’t feel those things right now.
i understand this couple is probably sleep deprived and on edge and they are just taking that frustration out on you and your husband since they can’t take it out on the baby but that is not a burden you should have to bear.
they may be able to move housing if this isn’t suitable, but reporting the problem to whoever manages housing for you might help.
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nta it sounds very much possible they're hearing other neighbours and their disagreements and assume its coming from your place or they're just trying to use you guys as a scapegoat.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: update 1: reported it to the housing officers and waiting on a call to see the next steps. they keep saying that we are loud, shouting all the time and slamming doors, and the other neighbours also say is not them so it seems i am the target for some weird reason. i am also the only one on the block without children so i guess that's it! update 2: decided to talk to them anyway to see if we could find some kind of middle ground as i don't like being a dick. it seems that she even called the freaking police this morning to "seek advise". anyway everyone ignored her. as many of them suggested, she used to live in a detached house and now every noise seems to startled all of them. i explained that we are not party persons, we don't slam doors, when we argue we try not to shout, we try to take care of the community in general. we kind of got into a middle ground after a lot of talking but i did said i am not gonna be scared of doing anything in my own house just because she is on the bottom with a 2 year old child. i can say it's not fully safe but it's a start! i (f28) have been living with my husband (m27) in a top military flat with no issues for more than one year up until now. my new neighbours downstairs moved 2 months ago and have a 2 year old that seems to have anxiety and everything startles this baby. to be considerate (they don't know this) i have stopped doing my fitness routine in the flat as i know it would be annoying to hear it downstairs. about 2 weeks ago they came a saturday at 11am and knocked in my door rather aggressively as "i was making way too much noise" (i was blow drying my hair) and slamming doors and their baby couldn't go to sleep. i find the slamming door part kind of funny as i only use one of the doors of my house and the rest are wide open. my husband opened and said sorry and i though that was it. last night at around 11pm they came again, and we were going to sleep in that moment. they came super aggressively saying that we were making loads of noise (i was just having a bath and going to sleep, nothing on between) and also they were getting rather annoyed that we weren't arguing back.i tried to explain that we are not slamming doors and they said that they also hear us arguing. i haven't had an argument with my husband in the last months, and also we both work full time so when we see each other on the evenings we are rather tired and we just want to watch some tv and disconnect. all of this brought to me my anxiety back full blast and i needed some support regarding it. i feel like i can't live in my own house as everything startles this baby and that is my fault. i cannot walk fast in my house, i can't play with my cats, i can't put music, and the tv needs to be really quiet. &#x200b; am i the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
update 1: reported it to the housing officers and waiting on a call to see the next steps. they keep saying that we are loud, shouting all the time and slamming doors, and the other neighbours also say is not them so it seems i am the target for some weird reason. i am also the only one on the block without children so i guess that's it! update 2: decided to talk to them anyway to see if we could find some kind of middle ground as i don't like being a dick. it seems that she even called the freaking police this morning to "seek advise". anyway everyone ignored her. as many of them suggested, she used to live in a detached house and now every noise seems to startled all of them. i explained that we are not party persons, we don't slam doors, when we argue we try not to shout, we try to take care of the community in general. we kind of got into a middle ground after a lot of talking but i did said i am not gonna be scared of doing anything in my own house just because she is on the bottom with a 2 year old child. i can say it's not fully safe but it's a start! i (f28) have been living with my husband (m27) in a top military flat with no issues for more than one year up until now. my new neighbours downstairs moved 2 months ago and have a 2 year old that seems to have anxiety and everything startles this baby. to be considerate (they don't know this) i have stopped doing my fitness routine in the flat as i know it would be annoying to hear it downstairs. about 2 weeks ago they came a saturday at 11am and knocked in my door rather aggressively as "i was making way too much noise" (i was blow drying my hair) and slamming doors and their baby couldn't go to sleep. i find the slamming door part kind of funny as i only use one of the doors of my house and the rest are wide open. my husband opened and said sorry and i though that was it. last night at around 11pm they came again, and we were going to sleep in that moment. they came super aggressively saying that we were making loads of noise (i was just having a bath and going to sleep, nothing on between) and also they were getting rather annoyed that we weren't arguing back.i tried to explain that we are not slamming doors and they said that they also hear us arguing. i haven't had an argument with my husband in the last months, and also we both work full time so when we see each other on the evenings we are rather tired and we just want to watch some tv and disconnect. all of this brought to me my anxiety back full blast and i needed some support regarding it. i feel like i can't live in my own house as everything startles this baby and that is my fault. i cannot walk fast in my house, i can't play with my cats, i can't put music, and the tv needs to be really quiet. &#x200b; am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta. it’s unfortunate that the building doesn’t have good soundproof but it’s not your fault. it’s not like you party all night, you are just doing your daily routine. report this to your landlord or building management board so you have a 3rd party in this. your neighbor also should soundproof the baby room </s>
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AITA for not letting my future SIL have any say about my wedding?
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my future husband and i are both 27, his sister is 34. throughout our entire relationship she has pushed her beliefs down our throats and in the beginning, my fiance and i almost split up because of it. it seemed to die down over the years but is still very evident when it comes to certain topics. like our wedding.
so, my fiance and i are both very shy. neither of us enjoy being the center of attention and have massive stage freight. we also dont want to spend loads of money on a ceremony when we could use that money for a honeymoon instead. so, given these details, we have opted out of a wedding entirely and plan to do a tiny ceremony with just our parents and kids present, at the town hall. our intentions were to get married there and then have an after party in his sisters yard.
she invited us down for dinner last week and asked us what our plans were and where our venue was, etc. we told her our plans and she went ballistic, saying that she will be damned that she isnt present to see her baby brother get married and instantly pulled out a notebook and started jotting down ideas for venues, dresses, food, etc. my fiance and i were clear that this was more than likely not going to change our plans but we entertained her ideas regardless.
when she was finished she rounded up a basic total for cost of everything. it was around $4800, not including dresses or tuxedos. so, we explained to her that that was not an option at all and that the price was ridiculous. she freaked out and said we were alienating her from our big day and that we were assholes for making this decision without her approval (she thinks we need her approval for everything). my fiance and i are sticking to our guns but we now have other family members on both our sides contacting us and asking us if they can be at our small ceremony and saying they dont want to miss our big day, etc. people have been laying the guilt trip on us hard.
are we assholes for refusing to change our plans simply because his big sister desperately wants to see him get married?
| 881 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iryhye/aita_for_not_letting_my_future_sil_have_any_say/
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2020-09-13 13:42:18
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nta- i'm always amazed that people think they have the right to dictate other people's weddings. its entirely up to you and your partner as to how you want to get married and no one else.
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“she ... said we were alienating her from our big day“
right, she correctly assessed that one.
“... we were ...making this decision without her approval “
right again, she is on a roll.
easy-peasy resolution: no after-party at her place. just because something has been done a few times in a family, it doesn’t get converted into an immutable tradition. in any event, her behaviour and your discomfort at the cost and the overall plan ends this “tradition” now.
always remember this: all the people who feel the need to weigh in on your wedding already had the wedding that they wanted, or were too weak to stand up to the people who imposed their opinions. either way, they \*had\* their weddings, and now it’s your turn. “shy” and “doormat” are not synonyms. nta
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nta, at this point i’d actually drive it down even harder and elope without telling anyone. and then the next time someone asks, just be like oh the reception is gonna be here since we’re married already...
again nta do not let anyone have an opinion about your wedding! them being invited is a privilege, not a right and they all need to be reminded.
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do not - repeat do not - have the party at her place. she will orchestrate the whole thing to be what *she* wants and not what you two want. take control and have the day that you both want, the way that you want it. go radio-silent regarding the wedding and only when your plans are fixed tell everybody else. anybody with an opinion can opt out if they wish, invitations can be declined.
nta.
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info: how did you make the plan to have the party at her home without her knowing about it yet?
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esh. a small, intimate wedding is fine. and your fsil is way out of line trying to take over your wedding. but it also seems rude to hold an "after party" at her house without inviting her to the event.
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nta - it’s you and your future husband’s wedding. if his sister can’t pattern herself then tell her she doesn’t have to come if she doesn’t like the plans. isn’t she not ashamed of herself? acting this way when she’s supposed to be the senior/ big adult.
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esh- your sil is clearly overbearing and not holding boundaries, but were you really going to let her host the party and not invite her to the wedding?
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nta. it’s your wedding; do it the way you and your fiancé want. she gets no say whatsoever.
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nta - and why are you two letting her steamroll you? between the two of you, you should have enough of a backbone to tell her to stop. people like that can only treat you like this way if you let them. tell her what your plans are and that you're not interested in hearing hers or anyone else's. and if she won't shut up about it, then leave. she needs to learn to respect you two.
and it was probably a really bad idea to have the reception in the sister's yard. you should distance yourself from her. with you on her turf she'll feel entitled to push you around even more.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.09992 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my future husband and i are both 27, his sister is 34. throughout our entire relationship she has pushed her beliefs down our throats and in the beginning, my fiance and i almost split up because of it. it seemed to die down over the years but is still very evident when it comes to certain topics. like our wedding. so, my fiance and i are both very shy. neither of us enjoy being the center of attention and have massive stage freight. we also dont want to spend loads of money on a ceremony when we could use that money for a honeymoon instead. so, given these details, we have opted out of a wedding entirely and plan to do a tiny ceremony with just our parents and kids present, at the town hall. our intentions were to get married there and then have an after party in his sisters yard. she invited us down for dinner last week and asked us what our plans were and where our venue was, etc. we told her our plans and she went ballistic, saying that she will be damned that she isnt present to see her baby brother get married and instantly pulled out a notebook and started jotting down ideas for venues, dresses, food, etc. my fiance and i were clear that this was more than likely not going to change our plans but we entertained her ideas regardless. when she was finished she rounded up a basic total for cost of everything. it was around $4800, not including dresses or tuxedos. so, we explained to her that that was not an option at all and that the price was ridiculous. she freaked out and said we were alienating her from our big day and that we were assholes for making this decision without her approval (she thinks we need her approval for everything). my fiance and i are sticking to our guns but we now have other family members on both our sides contacting us and asking us if they can be at our small ceremony and saying they dont want to miss our big day, etc. people have been laying the guilt trip on us hard. are we assholes for refusing to change our plans simply because his big sister desperately wants to see him get married?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my future husband and i are both 27, his sister is 34. throughout our entire relationship she has pushed her beliefs down our throats and in the beginning, my fiance and i almost split up because of it. it seemed to die down over the years but is still very evident when it comes to certain topics. like our wedding. so, my fiance and i are both very shy. neither of us enjoy being the center of attention and have massive stage freight. we also dont want to spend loads of money on a ceremony when we could use that money for a honeymoon instead. so, given these details, we have opted out of a wedding entirely and plan to do a tiny ceremony with just our parents and kids present, at the town hall. our intentions were to get married there and then have an after party in his sisters yard. she invited us down for dinner last week and asked us what our plans were and where our venue was, etc. we told her our plans and she went ballistic, saying that she will be damned that she isnt present to see her baby brother get married and instantly pulled out a notebook and started jotting down ideas for venues, dresses, food, etc. my fiance and i were clear that this was more than likely not going to change our plans but we entertained her ideas regardless. when she was finished she rounded up a basic total for cost of everything. it was around $4800, not including dresses or tuxedos. so, we explained to her that that was not an option at all and that the price was ridiculous. she freaked out and said we were alienating her from our big day and that we were assholes for making this decision without her approval (she thinks we need her approval for everything). my fiance and i are sticking to our guns but we now have other family members on both our sides contacting us and asking us if they can be at our small ceremony and saying they dont want to miss our big day, etc. people have been laying the guilt trip on us hard. are we assholes for refusing to change our plans simply because his big sister desperately wants to see him get married? [/INST] nta- i'm always amazed that people think they have the right to dictate other people's weddings. its entirely up to you and your partner as to how you want to get married and no one else. </s>
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AITA for getting mad at my husband for burning pasta?
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the title is a bit misleading, but i really feel like i’m not overreacting.
i was relaxing on the couch upstairs when my husband announced that he was going downstairs to make pasta. i said ok and kept doing what i was doing for about another 10-ish minutes till i smelled burning. my first thought was that it was fine cause hubby was downstairs until i heard clicking coming from the upstairs office. turns out my husband had come back upstairs to play video games and left the pasta downstairs to boil, which it did, and boiled over and burned all over the stove.
i am furious. we have a 7 month old and i feel like this is how fires happen. i was stern (he said i yelled at him) and said i was not upset at the stuff burning, but i was upset that he left it and it could have caused a bigger problem. he stopped listening to me half way through and was staring at the video game tutorial on the screen- i stopped talking mid sentence and he didn’t even notice.
at this point i snapped and raised my voice “are you done?!” to which he replied that it wasn’t that big of a deal because he boils water and leaves it on and there is never a problem. i told him once you add pasta it isn’t just water and it can burn and that is the type of behavior i expect from a dumb college kid (no offense) who doesn’t know how to cook, not an adult. (we are late 20’s and he knows how to cook.) he told me to get out of the room and that he doesn’t get where this is coming from and i’m blowing this out of proportion. i told him if he didn’t know where i’m coming from he is part of the problem.
our whole house now smells like burnt pasta and i don’t know if i can even sleep with the way it smells-it is strong.
i realize that the likelihood of a house catching on fire from boiling pasta is very small, especially since there is a large amount of water involved, but i’m so outraged at the nonchalant leaving stuff to cook on the stove and walking away to the second floor on the opposite side of the house (our kitchen is on floor 1) to play video games with headphones on. if the kitchen had caught fire, we have a baby, how could he even think of doing something so just stupid and idiotic and putting us at risk?? he is pissed and i need to know if i’m overreacting or if i am right to be upset at this?
edit to add: apparently he had a timer going... it still boiled over and burnt.
| 197 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ja3zz0/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_husband_for_burning/
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2020-10-13 01:34:47
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nta. leaving a stove unattended to do something else time consuming and not even noticing when the burning started is mad irresponsible - and he wasn't remotely remorseful when spoken to.
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nta. at. all.
it’s unsafe to leave a burner running unattended, period. and you have a child, for pete’s sake.
if he can’t put down the video game for 10 fucking minutes, there’s something seriously wrong with him.
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nta - this isn't so much about burnt pasta as it is about living with a man who is so irresponsible and cavalier about the safety of his wife and child. i would be furious, too, if i had a child and he had such a careless and reckless attitude. i'd be afraid to leave him alone with the baby, tbh.
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nta, he should be able to stay off the video games for 5 min to make food and it’s just even worse that the food got messed up. super irresponsible to leave the stove going and starting a video game and forgetting
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nta.
op's husband: i'll risk burning the house down rather than hang out in the kitchen for 10 minutes, because i have to play my video games.
ugh. how shortsighted and just plain stupid.
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nta. if your husband isn’t going to bother to monitor the things he’s cooking, he ought not be cooking at all.
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nta!!!
my husband has a tendency to justify actions with arbitrary things like setting a timer when it literally doesn’t matter! so what if he set a timer? it was still burning unattended!
once my husband had our infant on the living room ottoman while he was in the kitchen, i walked in, screamed, and grabbed her. he kept saying i was overreacting because he was “watching her” ??? so if she rolled off he would have watched her fall from across the room and therefore it’d be ok?
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nta. it sounds like what you were rightfully upset. carelessness like that can be dangerous. to him it might have seemed like you were overreacting, but it wasn’t just burning something. it was abandoning a stove while it is on. that could have been a disaster.
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nta, he not only messed up with something that could have had serious consequences, he did it because he wanted to play video games (couldn’t he wait 10 minutes?) and he completely disregarded the issue and was rude about it by keeping playing the game instead of at least listening to you.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the title is a bit misleading, but i really feel like i’m not overreacting. i was relaxing on the couch upstairs when my husband announced that he was going downstairs to make pasta. i said ok and kept doing what i was doing for about another 10-ish minutes till i smelled burning. my first thought was that it was fine cause hubby was downstairs until i heard clicking coming from the upstairs office. turns out my husband had come back upstairs to play video games and left the pasta downstairs to boil, which it did, and boiled over and burned all over the stove. i am furious. we have a 7 month old and i feel like this is how fires happen. i was stern (he said i yelled at him) and said i was not upset at the stuff burning, but i was upset that he left it and it could have caused a bigger problem. he stopped listening to me half way through and was staring at the video game tutorial on the screen- i stopped talking mid sentence and he didn’t even notice. at this point i snapped and raised my voice “are you done?!” to which he replied that it wasn’t that big of a deal because he boils water and leaves it on and there is never a problem. i told him once you add pasta it isn’t just water and it can burn and that is the type of behavior i expect from a dumb college kid (no offense) who doesn’t know how to cook, not an adult. (we are late 20’s and he knows how to cook.) he told me to get out of the room and that he doesn’t get where this is coming from and i’m blowing this out of proportion. i told him if he didn’t know where i’m coming from he is part of the problem. our whole house now smells like burnt pasta and i don’t know if i can even sleep with the way it smells-it is strong. i realize that the likelihood of a house catching on fire from boiling pasta is very small, especially since there is a large amount of water involved, but i’m so outraged at the nonchalant leaving stuff to cook on the stove and walking away to the second floor on the opposite side of the house (our kitchen is on floor 1) to play video games with headphones on. if the kitchen had caught fire, we have a baby, how could he even think of doing something so just stupid and idiotic and putting us at risk?? he is pissed and i need to know if i’m overreacting or if i am right to be upset at this? edit to add: apparently he had a timer going... it still boiled over and burnt.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the title is a bit misleading, but i really feel like i’m not overreacting. i was relaxing on the couch upstairs when my husband announced that he was going downstairs to make pasta. i said ok and kept doing what i was doing for about another 10-ish minutes till i smelled burning. my first thought was that it was fine cause hubby was downstairs until i heard clicking coming from the upstairs office. turns out my husband had come back upstairs to play video games and left the pasta downstairs to boil, which it did, and boiled over and burned all over the stove. i am furious. we have a 7 month old and i feel like this is how fires happen. i was stern (he said i yelled at him) and said i was not upset at the stuff burning, but i was upset that he left it and it could have caused a bigger problem. he stopped listening to me half way through and was staring at the video game tutorial on the screen- i stopped talking mid sentence and he didn’t even notice. at this point i snapped and raised my voice “are you done?!” to which he replied that it wasn’t that big of a deal because he boils water and leaves it on and there is never a problem. i told him once you add pasta it isn’t just water and it can burn and that is the type of behavior i expect from a dumb college kid (no offense) who doesn’t know how to cook, not an adult. (we are late 20’s and he knows how to cook.) he told me to get out of the room and that he doesn’t get where this is coming from and i’m blowing this out of proportion. i told him if he didn’t know where i’m coming from he is part of the problem. our whole house now smells like burnt pasta and i don’t know if i can even sleep with the way it smells-it is strong. i realize that the likelihood of a house catching on fire from boiling pasta is very small, especially since there is a large amount of water involved, but i’m so outraged at the nonchalant leaving stuff to cook on the stove and walking away to the second floor on the opposite side of the house (our kitchen is on floor 1) to play video games with headphones on. if the kitchen had caught fire, we have a baby, how could he even think of doing something so just stupid and idiotic and putting us at risk?? he is pissed and i need to know if i’m overreacting or if i am right to be upset at this? edit to add: apparently he had a timer going... it still boiled over and burnt. [/INST] nta. leaving a stove unattended to do something else time consuming and not even noticing when the burning started is mad irresponsible - and he wasn't remotely remorseful when spoken to. </s>
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AITA For surprising my BF at work?
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so ive been with my boyfriend for 6 months. he works at a shop (retail, small business, very laid back, when it's slow they let him play hearthstone on his phone). we don't live together, and he's was rostered on for 4 days in a row, meaning i couldnt see him until after his 4th shift (distance to his place/work makes visits difficult when he has work).
yesterday (day 3 out of 4) i was free and bored out of my mind and decided i would surprise my boyfriend at his work as i had never been there before, but they sell stuff i could use (it's an art supply store). i have never been to his work before, and we haven't discussed it, nor has he ever invited me, or told me not to go there.
when i arrived he seemed shocked. like, when you're somewhere and your ex walks in and the colour drains from your face. he legitimately had the deer in the headlights look. it wasn't busy so he takes me to a quiet corner of the store (it's massive) and immediately starts saying i'm creepy and asking what i'm doing at his work and that it feels like i'm stalking him. note that i have never done this before and i thought it would be a sweet gesture (which i told him). i've never turned up to where he lives uninvited, but going to his work felt like a sweet thing to do, especially since i havent been before.
we haven't messaged since and i haven't organized to see him after his 4th/final shift of the week yet. im just really confused because i havent done anything like this before and he hasnt like, told me not to visit his work before. aita for surprising him? btw the environment at his work is sooo chill he would definitely not have gotten in trouble for me visiting so i don't think it's that.
**
| 163 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/agtp21/aita_for_surprising_my_bf_at_work/
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2019-01-17 03:44:13
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nta at all. if you'd been dating six days, i could see a case for it being weird. but six months? that's a sweet gesture when you haven't seen each other much in a few days, and the fact that he reacted that strangely and showed no gratitude is a big red flag in my book. even if he didn't feel comfortable for whatever reason, he could express gratitude for the kind intention and ask that you not do it again. saying it feels like stalking when you've been dating six months is just weird on his part.
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nta - that's not normal behavior, you need to talk to him about this
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nta, and his reaction is *extremely* suspicious.
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personnaly my girlfriend did this once and it’s awkward but sweet, i guess it depends on the person, or how old you are (i’m 21, been with my girlfriend for 3 years)
i say nta
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nta lol, your boyfriend sounds awfully strange. like, i could see it being a little awkward and surprising, but to call you a stalker is so over the line.
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it would be different if he worked in an office where you had to go to reception etc.
but just dropping in and saying hi, not a big deal.
i used to love it when i worked in a grocery store or bakery and my bf would come and visit.
nta - and i hope it works itself out
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info
how far away was it exactly? if you took a surprise drive for 5 hours, it might seem a little weird to me too.
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nta but also info?
how does he act otherwise, does he hold your hand in public or is he a no pda kind of guy? how often do you see/talk to him, is there (a very small) possibility he is hiding you from another significant other?
some people aren't comfortable with the work approach, it feels invasive to them, and that's fair. i'm also guessing you didn't being a billion balloons or make a scene so it shouldn't have been too invasive to him.
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nta. i wanted to go with nah but his reaction was way out of left field and insulting. if you surprised him then i get that but his response wasn’t appropriate to the situation. are you guys officially dating or in a situationship? that’s the only thing that explains his reaction imo.
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so who is he flirting with at work?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
|
NTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so ive been with my boyfriend for 6 months. he works at a shop (retail, small business, very laid back, when it's slow they let him play hearthstone on his phone). we don't live together, and he's was rostered on for 4 days in a row, meaning i couldnt see him until after his 4th shift (distance to his place/work makes visits difficult when he has work). yesterday (day 3 out of 4) i was free and bored out of my mind and decided i would surprise my boyfriend at his work as i had never been there before, but they sell stuff i could use (it's an art supply store). i have never been to his work before, and we haven't discussed it, nor has he ever invited me, or told me not to go there. when i arrived he seemed shocked. like, when you're somewhere and your ex walks in and the colour drains from your face. he legitimately had the deer in the headlights look. it wasn't busy so he takes me to a quiet corner of the store (it's massive) and immediately starts saying i'm creepy and asking what i'm doing at his work and that it feels like i'm stalking him. note that i have never done this before and i thought it would be a sweet gesture (which i told him). i've never turned up to where he lives uninvited, but going to his work felt like a sweet thing to do, especially since i havent been before. we haven't messaged since and i haven't organized to see him after his 4th/final shift of the week yet. im just really confused because i havent done anything like this before and he hasnt like, told me not to visit his work before. aita for surprising him? btw the environment at his work is sooo chill he would definitely not have gotten in trouble for me visiting so i don't think it's that. **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so ive been with my boyfriend for 6 months. he works at a shop (retail, small business, very laid back, when it's slow they let him play hearthstone on his phone). we don't live together, and he's was rostered on for 4 days in a row, meaning i couldnt see him until after his 4th shift (distance to his place/work makes visits difficult when he has work). yesterday (day 3 out of 4) i was free and bored out of my mind and decided i would surprise my boyfriend at his work as i had never been there before, but they sell stuff i could use (it's an art supply store). i have never been to his work before, and we haven't discussed it, nor has he ever invited me, or told me not to go there. when i arrived he seemed shocked. like, when you're somewhere and your ex walks in and the colour drains from your face. he legitimately had the deer in the headlights look. it wasn't busy so he takes me to a quiet corner of the store (it's massive) and immediately starts saying i'm creepy and asking what i'm doing at his work and that it feels like i'm stalking him. note that i have never done this before and i thought it would be a sweet gesture (which i told him). i've never turned up to where he lives uninvited, but going to his work felt like a sweet thing to do, especially since i havent been before. we haven't messaged since and i haven't organized to see him after his 4th/final shift of the week yet. im just really confused because i havent done anything like this before and he hasnt like, told me not to visit his work before. aita for surprising him? btw the environment at his work is sooo chill he would definitely not have gotten in trouble for me visiting so i don't think it's that. ** [/INST] nta at all. if you'd been dating six days, i could see a case for it being weird. but six months? that's a sweet gesture when you haven't seen each other much in a few days, and the fact that he reacted that strangely and showed no gratitude is a big red flag in my book. even if he didn't feel comfortable for whatever reason, he could express gratitude for the kind intention and ask that you not do it again. saying it feels like stalking when you've been dating six months is just weird on his part. </s>
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AITA for arguing after someone said my brother shouldn't have been born?
|
one of the players in my (19f) campaign has been repeatedly rude to me during the campaign. i will call him bill.
to be fair, bill (20m) instigated arguments and i tended to take the bait, and he was clearly only saying what he did to get a rise out of me. i tried to take all of this in a good natured way, as my boyfriend is our dungeon master, and bill is a friend of his from college. my boyfriend (20m) didn't want to just boot bill from the campaign because he was saying insulting things as bill was one of the first players for our game.
i was trying to not get offended because i didn't want to give him what he wanted, which was me being mad or upset. but again, i did tend to rise to bill's bait alot and say passive aggressive things back to him because of the frustration he was making me feel.
however, this changed last week. we were discussing my little brother (5m) who i will call eli. eli is a nonverbal autistic and he can be a real handful at times, it's hard rn during corona as he cant keep a mask on for more then 10 seconds meaning some stores will not let us in.
but, i love my baby brother more than anything even if he can be a handful sometimes. the only word he has ever said is "sissy". he gives me lots of hugs and kisses and laughs. i wouldn't trade him for the world.
during our last session, i was talking about eli during a break and was explaining that he had finally used a fork for the first time and that i was super proud of him.
bill asked why eli was 5 and only now using a fork, and i explained that eli was autistic. bill remained quiet for a minute before laughing loudly at me. i was really confused before bill said "he's autistic? your mother should have just had an abortion, cause he probably didn't deserve to be born anyways"
i lost my cool. i yelled at him in the call and told him he needed to stop being a dick, pull his head out of his ass, etc. ill admit that i insulted him for a good minute straight and then got frustrated when he just laughed at me, so i left the call.
now i refuse to return to the campaign while bill is still a player. my boyfriend is saying i am the asshole for making him pick a side between me and bill. i told him that i have been repeatedly insulted by bill and that i tried to take it in good faith and stand it, even if i sometimes fell for bill's "bait". but i told my boyfriend that i wouldn't stand for bill demeaning eli or implying that his life is worthless or has no value because he's autistic. my boyfriend says i'm overreacting and that bill was just kidding.
aita?
| 3,034 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l7o4kt/aita_for_arguing_after_someone_said_my_brother/
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2021-01-29 09:12:37
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nta.
bill: your brother should literally have been killed
you: okay bye
bf: what you’re being so rude i can’t believe you would make me pick a side op!
you might want to consider upgrading your boyfriend. this one seems... faulty.
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my blood is boiling on your behalf. this guy said your brother should have been aborted and you are the one who is the ass? that makes no sense. your boyfriend sucks. if bill was kidding it wasn’t funny and he should have apologised not doubled down. i think maybe you need to find new friends, and a new boyfriend who don’t joke about wiping out your brothers existence . nta
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info: first off yu are the grestest big sister ever! and now why are you still with someone who clearly doesnt stick up for you, and allows his "friend" to trash you? honestly id have broken up with him a long time ago. and especially after this last time. when he didnt say absolutely nothing when bill said your brother shouldn't have been born. hes saying your over reacting and are a as*hole, no honey him and bill are. definitely make him an ex.
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the fact your bf doesn’t see it as a big deal you might as well break up cause honestly that’s a no no he doesn’t respect you so he doesn’t care his friend disrespect you
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nta. bill is an asshole, and so is your boyfriend.
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nta. nobody likes an edgelord. there’s a reason most of them grow out of it. demanding you keep interacting with someone who enjoys stirring up nasty arguments and deliberately making you feel hurt and upset is messed up. if your boyfriend can’t demand bill behave and won’t ask bill to leave, it sounds like it might be time for you to remove yourself from what sounds like a very unpleasant situation. you don’t have to tolerate bill.
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nta and please dump your boyfriend. your boyfriend shouldn’t even have to pick a side because he should already know who’s side he’s on. honestly op, i don’t know how you could stick with a guy who’s defending someone who’s saying your brother should have been aborted... your boyfriends just as much of the jackdonkey as bill is.
if anyone should have been aborted, it should have been bill because we need less of his idiocy in the world. honestly... who says that to another person? i think he’s a sociopath or something... and you should keep your distance from him op.
and i just want to comment on how adorable eli sounds. my heart *melted* when you said that the only word he’s ever spoken was ‘sissy’ that is just so cute. awe, it sounds like you both have such a special bond, i love it.
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nta
my boyfriend is 21m and his brother, 8m, has a developmental disability. if i tried to tell him he shouldn’t absolutely shred to pieces anyone who talked about his brother like that, he would break up with me. and he should.
all the friends defending bill are assholes. it sounds like bill is a missing stair kind of friend, and i’m sorry you’ve had to deal with him with no support. i know his type.
you are so in the right here.
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holy f*ck balls. imagine introducing your girlfriend to your verbally abusive college "bro" and then telling her to suck it up when he starts attacking her and her brother as a "joke". you don't make jokes like that, and if you do then it's because you believe what you're saying at least in part, and want to mask your opinion in humour so it's not received as harshly.
your boyfriend does need to pick a side, because his "friend" is likely never going to grow up from the college bully he is now. he can either choose the grown ups side, with his girlfriend who's already stuck with him after putting up with this bs for longer than you were in any way obligated to. or he can choose his ah of a friend who will eventually run out of other people to insult, and move onto him eventually anyway.
christ on a bike, nta
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nta but both your bf & bill are. bill for saying what he did and your bf for not sticking up for you or your brother. dump the lot of them.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: one of the players in my (19f) campaign has been repeatedly rude to me during the campaign. i will call him bill. to be fair, bill (20m) instigated arguments and i tended to take the bait, and he was clearly only saying what he did to get a rise out of me. i tried to take all of this in a good natured way, as my boyfriend is our dungeon master, and bill is a friend of his from college. my boyfriend (20m) didn't want to just boot bill from the campaign because he was saying insulting things as bill was one of the first players for our game. i was trying to not get offended because i didn't want to give him what he wanted, which was me being mad or upset. but again, i did tend to rise to bill's bait alot and say passive aggressive things back to him because of the frustration he was making me feel. however, this changed last week. we were discussing my little brother (5m) who i will call eli. eli is a nonverbal autistic and he can be a real handful at times, it's hard rn during corona as he cant keep a mask on for more then 10 seconds meaning some stores will not let us in. but, i love my baby brother more than anything even if he can be a handful sometimes. the only word he has ever said is "sissy". he gives me lots of hugs and kisses and laughs. i wouldn't trade him for the world. during our last session, i was talking about eli during a break and was explaining that he had finally used a fork for the first time and that i was super proud of him. bill asked why eli was 5 and only now using a fork, and i explained that eli was autistic. bill remained quiet for a minute before laughing loudly at me. i was really confused before bill said "he's autistic? your mother should have just had an abortion, cause he probably didn't deserve to be born anyways" i lost my cool. i yelled at him in the call and told him he needed to stop being a dick, pull his head out of his ass, etc. ill admit that i insulted him for a good minute straight and then got frustrated when he just laughed at me, so i left the call. now i refuse to return to the campaign while bill is still a player. my boyfriend is saying i am the asshole for making him pick a side between me and bill. i told him that i have been repeatedly insulted by bill and that i tried to take it in good faith and stand it, even if i sometimes fell for bill's "bait". but i told my boyfriend that i wouldn't stand for bill demeaning eli or implying that his life is worthless or has no value because he's autistic. my boyfriend says i'm overreacting and that bill was just kidding. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
one of the players in my (19f) campaign has been repeatedly rude to me during the campaign. i will call him bill. to be fair, bill (20m) instigated arguments and i tended to take the bait, and he was clearly only saying what he did to get a rise out of me. i tried to take all of this in a good natured way, as my boyfriend is our dungeon master, and bill is a friend of his from college. my boyfriend (20m) didn't want to just boot bill from the campaign because he was saying insulting things as bill was one of the first players for our game. i was trying to not get offended because i didn't want to give him what he wanted, which was me being mad or upset. but again, i did tend to rise to bill's bait alot and say passive aggressive things back to him because of the frustration he was making me feel. however, this changed last week. we were discussing my little brother (5m) who i will call eli. eli is a nonverbal autistic and he can be a real handful at times, it's hard rn during corona as he cant keep a mask on for more then 10 seconds meaning some stores will not let us in. but, i love my baby brother more than anything even if he can be a handful sometimes. the only word he has ever said is "sissy". he gives me lots of hugs and kisses and laughs. i wouldn't trade him for the world. during our last session, i was talking about eli during a break and was explaining that he had finally used a fork for the first time and that i was super proud of him. bill asked why eli was 5 and only now using a fork, and i explained that eli was autistic. bill remained quiet for a minute before laughing loudly at me. i was really confused before bill said "he's autistic? your mother should have just had an abortion, cause he probably didn't deserve to be born anyways" i lost my cool. i yelled at him in the call and told him he needed to stop being a dick, pull his head out of his ass, etc. ill admit that i insulted him for a good minute straight and then got frustrated when he just laughed at me, so i left the call. now i refuse to return to the campaign while bill is still a player. my boyfriend is saying i am the asshole for making him pick a side between me and bill. i told him that i have been repeatedly insulted by bill and that i tried to take it in good faith and stand it, even if i sometimes fell for bill's "bait". but i told my boyfriend that i wouldn't stand for bill demeaning eli or implying that his life is worthless or has no value because he's autistic. my boyfriend says i'm overreacting and that bill was just kidding. aita? [/INST] nta. bill: your brother should literally have been killed you: okay bye bf: what you’re being so rude i can’t believe you would make me pick a side op! you might want to consider upgrading your boyfriend. this one seems... faulty. </s>
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AITA for yelling at my mom/sister after my mom has let my sister consistently destroy my old PS3 for a year and a half?
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basically, because i bought an xbox a few years back, my ps3 that i also bought myself was forcibly taken from me (literally) and given to my sister. for a year and a half my sisters absolutely fucking abused the poor thing, keeping it in her disgusting room or in my mom's room, which is filled with tobacco smoke at all times, and she also has it set up literally just hanging out of a dresser drawer right now. all of the consoles weight on the power cord. the controllers been broken for like six months cause she smashes it and throws a tantrum whenever she doesn't immediately win in a game.
today, when i decided i wanted to play some uncharted 3 on my own fucking ps3, i get told that it broke because it fell out of the dresser drawer because she was too lazy to fucking sit up while playing it with the controller plugged in. i lost it, and yelled at her about how she has absolutely no respect for herself or her own items (which she constantly ruins either by getting angry at them or simply refusing to take care of them), and even less respect for things that aren't even hers, to which my mom started screaming at me about how if she says it's my sisters it's my sisters, and that i have to buy her a new ps3 as a birthday gift (within the week too)
i told her that that's fucking ridiculous and she kicked me out of the house. called my papa, who usually takes my side when stuff like this happens, only to get told how that was an awfully childish and disappointing thing to hear that i did. i really just feel like shit and like need to make sure i'm not a delusional asshole. so. am i the asshole?
| 252 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/koia4i/aita_for_yelling_at_my_momsister_after_my_mom_has/
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2021-01-01 20:22:25
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nta. i hope that you can stay at your father's house and if you buy a new ps3, keep it there.
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info : how old are you and your half sister? what is your living arrangement?
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info: how could you play it yesterday if the controllers have been broken for 6 months?
if you're gonna troll then get your story straight.
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nta. first off is super weird and shirt that they took something that you paid for and gave it to someone else. doubly shitty that the person didn't even have the decency to take care of it
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jfc, nta for about a dozen different reasons. your mother's handling of this was incredibly poor parenting and a disservice to you *and* your sister. teaching your kid that you're entitled to use other peoples' things against their wishes, you have no obligation to care for those things, and if you break someone else's things they're obligated to replace them *and* let you go on using them (and have no obligation to replace them yourself) is how you raise a useless adult who's in for a very rude awakening when mommy isn't there to force people to cater to her any more.
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>and that i have to buy her a new ps3 as a birthday gift (within the week too)
huh? this is disjointed - does not follow.
there's only two possibilities.
your parents are capricious and so remorselessly favor your sister that we're looking at personality disorders.
or you're not telling us something.
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nta, it was yours and you’re allowed to be upset about your sister mistreating and breaking something you own. i’m sorry your dad isn’t backing you up on this, i wonder if your mom or sister told him their side of the story first. this is probably a blessing in disguise even though it doesn’t seem like it now.
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nta. if you have even the barest sliver of the barest shred of self respect, do not aplog9ze or buy anything for them. you need to protect your stuff for real, grab your important papers( ss, birth cert., and other stuff.) you're family is trash but you don't have to be. you can be better than them, and seems already are. get out asap.
| null | null |
NTA
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0.036878 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: basically, because i bought an xbox a few years back, my ps3 that i also bought myself was forcibly taken from me (literally) and given to my sister. for a year and a half my sisters absolutely fucking abused the poor thing, keeping it in her disgusting room or in my mom's room, which is filled with tobacco smoke at all times, and she also has it set up literally just hanging out of a dresser drawer right now. all of the consoles weight on the power cord. the controllers been broken for like six months cause she smashes it and throws a tantrum whenever she doesn't immediately win in a game. today, when i decided i wanted to play some uncharted 3 on my own fucking ps3, i get told that it broke because it fell out of the dresser drawer because she was too lazy to fucking sit up while playing it with the controller plugged in. i lost it, and yelled at her about how she has absolutely no respect for herself or her own items (which she constantly ruins either by getting angry at them or simply refusing to take care of them), and even less respect for things that aren't even hers, to which my mom started screaming at me about how if she says it's my sisters it's my sisters, and that i have to buy her a new ps3 as a birthday gift (within the week too) i told her that that's fucking ridiculous and she kicked me out of the house. called my papa, who usually takes my side when stuff like this happens, only to get told how that was an awfully childish and disappointing thing to hear that i did. i really just feel like shit and like need to make sure i'm not a delusional asshole. so. am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
basically, because i bought an xbox a few years back, my ps3 that i also bought myself was forcibly taken from me (literally) and given to my sister. for a year and a half my sisters absolutely fucking abused the poor thing, keeping it in her disgusting room or in my mom's room, which is filled with tobacco smoke at all times, and she also has it set up literally just hanging out of a dresser drawer right now. all of the consoles weight on the power cord. the controllers been broken for like six months cause she smashes it and throws a tantrum whenever she doesn't immediately win in a game. today, when i decided i wanted to play some uncharted 3 on my own fucking ps3, i get told that it broke because it fell out of the dresser drawer because she was too lazy to fucking sit up while playing it with the controller plugged in. i lost it, and yelled at her about how she has absolutely no respect for herself or her own items (which she constantly ruins either by getting angry at them or simply refusing to take care of them), and even less respect for things that aren't even hers, to which my mom started screaming at me about how if she says it's my sisters it's my sisters, and that i have to buy her a new ps3 as a birthday gift (within the week too) i told her that that's fucking ridiculous and she kicked me out of the house. called my papa, who usually takes my side when stuff like this happens, only to get told how that was an awfully childish and disappointing thing to hear that i did. i really just feel like shit and like need to make sure i'm not a delusional asshole. so. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. i hope that you can stay at your father's house and if you buy a new ps3, keep it there. </s>
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AITA For showing my teacher a pad?
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first time ever posting here, so let me know if i can edit anything to make it better. english isn't my native language, so sorry in advance for any spelling/grammar mistake. this will be a bit long. tl;dr at the end.
this dates back to pre-covid times, around february. my maths teacher has never been nice. he loves to pretend he's "young" and makes continuous and often inappropriate jokes, never getting around to actually teaching. he's not good at explaining anything, always reduces his lectures to the last five minutes, and never helps us out with anything. we're expected to be perfect in our class tests and oral expositions nonetheless.
one day, my best friend asks to go to the toilet; she forgets her phone in her back pocket (we are allowed to have phones in class if they are turned off). but she is very good at maths, so the teacher just tells her to leave it in the class and off she goes.
i was on my period. when my friend comes back, i wear a hoodie and put my pad in a pocket with my hand over it, like i always do. i ask to go to the bathroom; he says yes. as i'm walking towards the door, he tells me to leave my phone in the class. i tell him i have. he motions towards the hands in my pocket and tells me: "so that's no phone huh." i'm kind of uncomfortable right now, and i still go: "that's not a phone", hoping he catches the hint. he doesn't, and refuses to let me go. at which point i take out my pad, show it to him, making an expression that screams 'does this look like a phone, you idiot?' and walk off to the bathroom, because i really needed to change it.
when i came back, he was furious. he said it was unnecessary to do so, i had been very disrespectful, so on and so forth. mind you, the girl he was testing in that moment had been interrupted just so he could scream at me. she got a bad grade because of this by the way. the class head teacher was involved, my mother as well (just because she happened to teach there too), he wrote a note on the register.
now, all my classmates were on my side, saying i did nothing wrong. he twisted the story both to my mother and the head teacher; my mom was not mad, she hates him too, and the head teacher trusted me more. she did tell me though that i could have handled the situation better, and she could see how he could have gotten offended.
i think i was in the right, and it was kind of time to put him in his place. still, i feel that maybe i went overboard, and i still feel guilty because of the classmate that got a bad grade because of this. so, reddit, aita?
tl;dr: my maths professor didn't believe that i didn't have a phone in my pocket. showed him it was actually a pad, he got my mother and head teacher involved.
| 360 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hp7wml/aita_for_showing_my_teacher_a_pad/
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2020-07-11 10:34:57
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nta, he wasn’t going to let you leave unless you showed him what was in your pocket. he was the one that made the situation uncomfortable and disruptive to the class. why does a grown man think a pad is disrespectful
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nta
your teacher was being a jerk
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nta
you did nothing wrong. your teacher needs to get over himself.
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he's an idiot. ignoring his teaching skills he still sucks. we had an unsaid rule in my school, when a girl asks to go to the toilet they will always allow her. no questions asked. ofcourse not when we had tests or exams for the whole class on. this was sometimes misused to bunk but all my teachers didn't want a person who actually needed to go to suffer because of the ppl who bunk
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a grown man offended by a pad he forced you to show him? i'd make a formal complaint of sexual harassment.
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nta, teachers like this are so annoying, i mean what were you supposed to do?
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nta
he didn’t believe that it wasn’t your phone and you showed him it was not your phone. that’s not disrespectful at all. it’s a freaking pad, not a middle finger.
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nta. he clearly wasn't letting you leave without showing him what you had in your pocket, and then he got mad when what you had in your pocket was a feminine product? come on, dude. i'm sure some girls do leave class to text, but plenty leave to go change out period products too. it's not disrespectful that you showed him something he asked to see and it just happened to be something he wasn't mature enough to handle.
idk why some guys act like seeing a wrapped and unused pad or tampon is going to cause them to melt wicked witch style.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first time ever posting here, so let me know if i can edit anything to make it better. english isn't my native language, so sorry in advance for any spelling/grammar mistake. this will be a bit long. tl;dr at the end. this dates back to pre-covid times, around february. my maths teacher has never been nice. he loves to pretend he's "young" and makes continuous and often inappropriate jokes, never getting around to actually teaching. he's not good at explaining anything, always reduces his lectures to the last five minutes, and never helps us out with anything. we're expected to be perfect in our class tests and oral expositions nonetheless. one day, my best friend asks to go to the toilet; she forgets her phone in her back pocket (we are allowed to have phones in class if they are turned off). but she is very good at maths, so the teacher just tells her to leave it in the class and off she goes. i was on my period. when my friend comes back, i wear a hoodie and put my pad in a pocket with my hand over it, like i always do. i ask to go to the bathroom; he says yes. as i'm walking towards the door, he tells me to leave my phone in the class. i tell him i have. he motions towards the hands in my pocket and tells me: "so that's no phone huh." i'm kind of uncomfortable right now, and i still go: "that's not a phone", hoping he catches the hint. he doesn't, and refuses to let me go. at which point i take out my pad, show it to him, making an expression that screams 'does this look like a phone, you idiot?' and walk off to the bathroom, because i really needed to change it. when i came back, he was furious. he said it was unnecessary to do so, i had been very disrespectful, so on and so forth. mind you, the girl he was testing in that moment had been interrupted just so he could scream at me. she got a bad grade because of this by the way. the class head teacher was involved, my mother as well (just because she happened to teach there too), he wrote a note on the register. now, all my classmates were on my side, saying i did nothing wrong. he twisted the story both to my mother and the head teacher; my mom was not mad, she hates him too, and the head teacher trusted me more. she did tell me though that i could have handled the situation better, and she could see how he could have gotten offended. i think i was in the right, and it was kind of time to put him in his place. still, i feel that maybe i went overboard, and i still feel guilty because of the classmate that got a bad grade because of this. so, reddit, aita? tl;dr: my maths professor didn't believe that i didn't have a phone in my pocket. showed him it was actually a pad, he got my mother and head teacher involved.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first time ever posting here, so let me know if i can edit anything to make it better. english isn't my native language, so sorry in advance for any spelling/grammar mistake. this will be a bit long. tl;dr at the end. this dates back to pre-covid times, around february. my maths teacher has never been nice. he loves to pretend he's "young" and makes continuous and often inappropriate jokes, never getting around to actually teaching. he's not good at explaining anything, always reduces his lectures to the last five minutes, and never helps us out with anything. we're expected to be perfect in our class tests and oral expositions nonetheless. one day, my best friend asks to go to the toilet; she forgets her phone in her back pocket (we are allowed to have phones in class if they are turned off). but she is very good at maths, so the teacher just tells her to leave it in the class and off she goes. i was on my period. when my friend comes back, i wear a hoodie and put my pad in a pocket with my hand over it, like i always do. i ask to go to the bathroom; he says yes. as i'm walking towards the door, he tells me to leave my phone in the class. i tell him i have. he motions towards the hands in my pocket and tells me: "so that's no phone huh." i'm kind of uncomfortable right now, and i still go: "that's not a phone", hoping he catches the hint. he doesn't, and refuses to let me go. at which point i take out my pad, show it to him, making an expression that screams 'does this look like a phone, you idiot?' and walk off to the bathroom, because i really needed to change it. when i came back, he was furious. he said it was unnecessary to do so, i had been very disrespectful, so on and so forth. mind you, the girl he was testing in that moment had been interrupted just so he could scream at me. she got a bad grade because of this by the way. the class head teacher was involved, my mother as well (just because she happened to teach there too), he wrote a note on the register. now, all my classmates were on my side, saying i did nothing wrong. he twisted the story both to my mother and the head teacher; my mom was not mad, she hates him too, and the head teacher trusted me more. she did tell me though that i could have handled the situation better, and she could see how he could have gotten offended. i think i was in the right, and it was kind of time to put him in his place. still, i feel that maybe i went overboard, and i still feel guilty because of the classmate that got a bad grade because of this. so, reddit, aita? tl;dr: my maths professor didn't believe that i didn't have a phone in my pocket. showed him it was actually a pad, he got my mother and head teacher involved. [/INST] nta, he wasn’t going to let you leave unless you showed him what was in your pocket. he was the one that made the situation uncomfortable and disruptive to the class. why does a grown man think a pad is disrespectful </s>
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AITA for not wanting to evenly split a gift (of airfare and a hotel room) for my boyfriend's parents?
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so as a gift, my (24f) boyfriend (29m) and his 3 siblings have decided to plan a family vacation for their parents' big anniversary. they are paying their parents' portion of the trip (airfare and hotel room) and want to split that evenly with me as well - this adds up to around $300 extra per person, when i'm already spending nearly 1k on my own part of the trip. i have only met them a handful of times, while it's nice they've included me in this so soon i don't feel i should have to spend $300 on people i barely know. the siblings are all in tech and have much higher salaries than me, so i'd be struggling more to do something that feels unnecessary as just the girlfriend and not one of their children.
i talked to my boyfriend and offered $100 towards it instead. he said both he and his sisters think that's rude and shows "poor character," and one even suggested to him it means i don't take the relationship seriously or care to get closer with his family. i offered just not going at all but that got an even worse reaction, like it would be even more insulting.
aita for not wanting to pay?
| 1,428 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sj9h6c/aita_for_not_wanting_to_evenly_split_a_gift_of/
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2022-02-03 04:09:33
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nta. only their actual kids should be paying...
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nta. they only included you because they wanted to pay less.
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[deleted]
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"rude and poor character"?
man, that's weird. these are weird fucking people. you don't want to go on vacation with them.
nta
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boyfriend and siblings plan the gift, boyfriend and siblings pay for it. you being willing to pay for your own expenses to join them all shows that you care for the parents and your relationship with them. they are trying to lower their own costs. nta
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nta but your boyfriend is for calling you offer 'rude' and demonstrative of 'poor character'. is that someone you really want to be with?
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nta. that's completely nuts. you can get the parents a small gift, separately, if you like, but contributing to a big anniversary gift from the kids? bizarre.
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nta, ahahahahaha this is on the kids, not their girl friends and boyfriends. he thinks this shows poor character on your part? is this really the guy for you?
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info: do the siblings also have so’s that are splitting this cost as well? even if they do i’m strongly leaning toward nta as it’s your choice what gift you want to give or not. and if they don’t it’s really weird they expect you to contribute to their parents’ gift.
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how is this either "rude" or demonstrative of "poor character"? the siblings are buying a gift for their parents. is he also buying an equally expensive gift for your parents? if not, can that also be considered rude and showing his poor character?
nta.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so as a gift, my (24f) boyfriend (29m) and his 3 siblings have decided to plan a family vacation for their parents' big anniversary. they are paying their parents' portion of the trip (airfare and hotel room) and want to split that evenly with me as well - this adds up to around $300 extra per person, when i'm already spending nearly 1k on my own part of the trip. i have only met them a handful of times, while it's nice they've included me in this so soon i don't feel i should have to spend $300 on people i barely know. the siblings are all in tech and have much higher salaries than me, so i'd be struggling more to do something that feels unnecessary as just the girlfriend and not one of their children. i talked to my boyfriend and offered $100 towards it instead. he said both he and his sisters think that's rude and shows "poor character," and one even suggested to him it means i don't take the relationship seriously or care to get closer with his family. i offered just not going at all but that got an even worse reaction, like it would be even more insulting. aita for not wanting to pay?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so as a gift, my (24f) boyfriend (29m) and his 3 siblings have decided to plan a family vacation for their parents' big anniversary. they are paying their parents' portion of the trip (airfare and hotel room) and want to split that evenly with me as well - this adds up to around $300 extra per person, when i'm already spending nearly 1k on my own part of the trip. i have only met them a handful of times, while it's nice they've included me in this so soon i don't feel i should have to spend $300 on people i barely know. the siblings are all in tech and have much higher salaries than me, so i'd be struggling more to do something that feels unnecessary as just the girlfriend and not one of their children. i talked to my boyfriend and offered $100 towards it instead. he said both he and his sisters think that's rude and shows "poor character," and one even suggested to him it means i don't take the relationship seriously or care to get closer with his family. i offered just not going at all but that got an even worse reaction, like it would be even more insulting. aita for not wanting to pay? [/INST] nta. only their actual kids should be paying... </s>
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AITA for discipling my 7 year old.
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due to the horrible rental market in australia at the moment i'm currently staying with my parents until my family can secure a new rental property. we're all sleeping in the same room, we have no privacy at all because there is no door on the room we are staying in.
my mum (despite being a hard ass when i was growing up) seems to disagree with everything i do when it comes to my 7 year olds behaviour. she baby's him and rather than addressing the problem behaviours head on she tries to divert him away from the behaviours and even removes certain punishments that i have enacted. she will even stand in the kitchen and complain in hushed tones about the fact i'm trying to discipline him.
my son has some behavioural issues and needs an incredibly firm and consistent hand when it comes to discipline. this week he has been having some massive issues at school because of his behaviour, he has been making inappropriate comments to other children in his class, picking his nose and wiping it on other kids, being disruptive, making noises and all around being incredibly rude. his teacher has approached us every afternoon this week regarding his behaviour asking us to talk to him about it and explain that it's upsetting the other kids. it's such an ongoing problem it's frustrating to say the least.
this evening his behaviour just was awful, he was rude, he wouldn't listen, he was back chatting, kicking etc. when he wouldn't get his own way he resorted to demanding to go to bed. basically everything that he has been doing at school just erupted at home tonight.
i snapped, i sent him to our room. i made him lay down in bed and have a rest. after about an hour, he finally relented, broke down and apologised. i forgave him and we moved on.
i walked out into the kitchen to get my sons dinner and my mum is doing this passive aggressive "i'm going to have an annoyed look on my face and pretend you don't exist" thing. i then find out from my partner that the entire time i've been trying to discipline my son, she's been in the kitchen talking crap about me to my nan and making rude comments about me just loud enough that everyone else but me can hear. it's clear she's furious but i don't feel like i have any other options at this point. if i let my son go, he will grow up to be an awful person and i cant let that happen.
i end up being treated like an asshole every time i discipline him because of her passive aggressive attitude. so reddit
aita for disciplining my 7 year old?
| 166 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o1s076/aita_for_discipling_my_7_year_old/
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2021-06-17 08:14:28
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nta but maybe you should put your mom in a time-out. she needs to quit demonstrating behaviors that are getting your kid in trouble at home and school. where, oh where, could he have picked up on these traits?
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nta, you’re trying to be a good parent (good job!) and your mom is undermining you which is ridiculous.
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so, do i have this correct?
your mom is getting mad that you discipline your own kid?
i understand that she will care for your kid, but wether or not you discipline your kid just isn't her call.
nta. a kid who is misbehaving should be disciplined, as long as the punishment fits the crime.
also, from, "he demanded to go to bed", and the fact that he broke down, he might be going through something. it's possible that it wasn't just because you told him off.
when i was younger, and had some emotional baggage, i would usually go to my room to think. hell, i still do that.
i could be completely wrong, but it couldn't hurt to check that everything is alright. especially if he hasn't always had problems with behavior.
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nta
your mom isn’t your son’s parent. you are. don’t let anyone else dictate what you think is right for your kid.
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mind me asking if there's a family streak of narcissism somewhere there? (specifically for your mother)
you sound like you're doing everything your son needs you to do atm and you're being a good parent. children need boundaries and discipline, it's actually just as abusive to allow them to get away with bad behaviour, as it is to constantly shout at them. children need to feel safe and secure; without limits, they feel unsafe because they've got no stopping point. no-one that will pull them back from the edge and say ''nope, you stop there buddy, you've gone too far and you're not safe there''.
i ask about the narcissism streak, because to me, it sounds like you might possibly be the black sheep/scapegoat of the family, and the criticism is stemming from that. i can't see any other reason for the criticism, unless you're leaving a massive amount out, and i don't get that impression.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: due to the horrible rental market in australia at the moment i'm currently staying with my parents until my family can secure a new rental property. we're all sleeping in the same room, we have no privacy at all because there is no door on the room we are staying in. my mum (despite being a hard ass when i was growing up) seems to disagree with everything i do when it comes to my 7 year olds behaviour. she baby's him and rather than addressing the problem behaviours head on she tries to divert him away from the behaviours and even removes certain punishments that i have enacted. she will even stand in the kitchen and complain in hushed tones about the fact i'm trying to discipline him. my son has some behavioural issues and needs an incredibly firm and consistent hand when it comes to discipline. this week he has been having some massive issues at school because of his behaviour, he has been making inappropriate comments to other children in his class, picking his nose and wiping it on other kids, being disruptive, making noises and all around being incredibly rude. his teacher has approached us every afternoon this week regarding his behaviour asking us to talk to him about it and explain that it's upsetting the other kids. it's such an ongoing problem it's frustrating to say the least. this evening his behaviour just was awful, he was rude, he wouldn't listen, he was back chatting, kicking etc. when he wouldn't get his own way he resorted to demanding to go to bed. basically everything that he has been doing at school just erupted at home tonight. i snapped, i sent him to our room. i made him lay down in bed and have a rest. after about an hour, he finally relented, broke down and apologised. i forgave him and we moved on. i walked out into the kitchen to get my sons dinner and my mum is doing this passive aggressive "i'm going to have an annoyed look on my face and pretend you don't exist" thing. i then find out from my partner that the entire time i've been trying to discipline my son, she's been in the kitchen talking crap about me to my nan and making rude comments about me just loud enough that everyone else but me can hear. it's clear she's furious but i don't feel like i have any other options at this point. if i let my son go, he will grow up to be an awful person and i cant let that happen. i end up being treated like an asshole every time i discipline him because of her passive aggressive attitude. so reddit aita for disciplining my 7 year old?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
due to the horrible rental market in australia at the moment i'm currently staying with my parents until my family can secure a new rental property. we're all sleeping in the same room, we have no privacy at all because there is no door on the room we are staying in. my mum (despite being a hard ass when i was growing up) seems to disagree with everything i do when it comes to my 7 year olds behaviour. she baby's him and rather than addressing the problem behaviours head on she tries to divert him away from the behaviours and even removes certain punishments that i have enacted. she will even stand in the kitchen and complain in hushed tones about the fact i'm trying to discipline him. my son has some behavioural issues and needs an incredibly firm and consistent hand when it comes to discipline. this week he has been having some massive issues at school because of his behaviour, he has been making inappropriate comments to other children in his class, picking his nose and wiping it on other kids, being disruptive, making noises and all around being incredibly rude. his teacher has approached us every afternoon this week regarding his behaviour asking us to talk to him about it and explain that it's upsetting the other kids. it's such an ongoing problem it's frustrating to say the least. this evening his behaviour just was awful, he was rude, he wouldn't listen, he was back chatting, kicking etc. when he wouldn't get his own way he resorted to demanding to go to bed. basically everything that he has been doing at school just erupted at home tonight. i snapped, i sent him to our room. i made him lay down in bed and have a rest. after about an hour, he finally relented, broke down and apologised. i forgave him and we moved on. i walked out into the kitchen to get my sons dinner and my mum is doing this passive aggressive "i'm going to have an annoyed look on my face and pretend you don't exist" thing. i then find out from my partner that the entire time i've been trying to discipline my son, she's been in the kitchen talking crap about me to my nan and making rude comments about me just loud enough that everyone else but me can hear. it's clear she's furious but i don't feel like i have any other options at this point. if i let my son go, he will grow up to be an awful person and i cant let that happen. i end up being treated like an asshole every time i discipline him because of her passive aggressive attitude. so reddit aita for disciplining my 7 year old? [/INST] nta but maybe you should put your mom in a time-out. she needs to quit demonstrating behaviors that are getting your kid in trouble at home and school. where, oh where, could he have picked up on these traits? </s>
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AITA for not wanting my moms new husband to come to my doctors appointments with us?
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i am 19f, my mom is 36f, her new husband is 40ishm.
my mom met this guy in november of 2019. they got married last month without any warning. our family has known him for forever as a family friend but nothing personal. he’s nice enough, but everyone, including myself, is just not comfortable with him yet. it’s extremely touchy for our family as the marriage was very rushed and there is always continuous drama.
i don’t live at home. my boyfriend and i rent a house together. however, i had surgery around 2 months ago and my mom has been taking me to and from my post op appointments. i have had this issue that the surgery was for around 2 years. my mom has always went with me and done my bandages and care when i couldn’t as it’s on my lower back and i cannot see what i’m doing. she drives me to and from as i usually have to take a pain pill at some period on appointment days.
when we moved into our house, i had surgery about 3 months later and my mom came over during the day to help me shower, move, and change my bandages. my boyfriend also works during the day so it was easiest for my mom to do these things.
however, my past few post op appointments (every 2 weeks) she has made every excuse for her new husband to come. i’ve told her i’m not comfortable with him coming at all even if he just sits in the car because i don’t know him like that yet. before it has been that she started taking new sleeping medication, my little sister wanted to come and needed company to sit in the car, etc. just things that could be solved. even my grandmother has offered to drive the both of us and sit in the car.
i have an appointment tomorrow. today she again said that would have to drive because her “car needed fixing”. this was a lie as she literally drove it today and it was fine as my sister was with her and told me this.
i offered to let her drive my car. i also offered for my boyfriend to drive the both of us and him just sit in the car. she told me she had already asked her husband to go and it would hurt his feelings. i told her i didn’t really care as he’s an adult and it’s not really anything to do with him. she finally agreed to let my boyfriend drive but seemed very pissed off and hasn’t spoken to me since.
aita here?
| 301 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g0wha7/aita_for_not_wanting_my_moms_new_husband_to_come/
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2020-04-14 01:47:21
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nta. it's weird how she's forcing you to bring him along. i'd put my foot down as well if it made me uncomfortable.
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nta
i feel like this is a red flag for abuse. be very, very clear with your mother that you are not allowing him into your life that way, and if she cannot come without him, she cannot come either.
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nta. it's your doctor's appointment, and you should feel comfortable at the doctor's. he has no right to impose, and neither does your mother.
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nta! what's kind of your mom want to get you to your doctor's appointment with her husband?? it's super awkward...i think she is selfish. you did right to stood up to say no to her.
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nta for not wanting him there but are you sure it’s her wanting him to come and not him being controlling?
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nta. this is honestly strange that she has to bring him with for everything considering you guys have always done this? just because she has someone with doesn't mean things have to change regarding different things. doctors appointments are also personal and can have some very personal questions or if you need to be changed or what not. he sounds super controlling and immature too if he gets mad about it. it honestly just creeps me out how he's suddenly there and they both expect him to be forced into every single situation. i get abusive vibes about him for some reason.
i would try having someone else drive you and be there for you op. i know it will be hard for you, but it may be safer this way, and maybe by a stroke of luck she will see how uncomfortable it makes you since you don't want to ask her because of him being with.
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nta. doctor patient confidential exists for a reason. there is absolutely nothing wrong with forbidding anyone from coming to your appointments with you. honestly even forbidding your mother to come with you wouldn't make you the asshole.
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info: is there a chance hes being possessive and not allowing her to leave without him?
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nta
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nta.. weird behaviour for a mum, creepy behaviour for a new stepfather. very rude odd invasive behaviour all round, this is just weird af ... i don't understand, you say that yr mum just met him last november, but then say your family has known him forever.. i'm confused...
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am 19f, my mom is 36f, her new husband is 40ishm. my mom met this guy in november of 2019. they got married last month without any warning. our family has known him for forever as a family friend but nothing personal. he’s nice enough, but everyone, including myself, is just not comfortable with him yet. it’s extremely touchy for our family as the marriage was very rushed and there is always continuous drama. i don’t live at home. my boyfriend and i rent a house together. however, i had surgery around 2 months ago and my mom has been taking me to and from my post op appointments. i have had this issue that the surgery was for around 2 years. my mom has always went with me and done my bandages and care when i couldn’t as it’s on my lower back and i cannot see what i’m doing. she drives me to and from as i usually have to take a pain pill at some period on appointment days. when we moved into our house, i had surgery about 3 months later and my mom came over during the day to help me shower, move, and change my bandages. my boyfriend also works during the day so it was easiest for my mom to do these things. however, my past few post op appointments (every 2 weeks) she has made every excuse for her new husband to come. i’ve told her i’m not comfortable with him coming at all even if he just sits in the car because i don’t know him like that yet. before it has been that she started taking new sleeping medication, my little sister wanted to come and needed company to sit in the car, etc. just things that could be solved. even my grandmother has offered to drive the both of us and sit in the car. i have an appointment tomorrow. today she again said that would have to drive because her “car needed fixing”. this was a lie as she literally drove it today and it was fine as my sister was with her and told me this. i offered to let her drive my car. i also offered for my boyfriend to drive the both of us and him just sit in the car. she told me she had already asked her husband to go and it would hurt his feelings. i told her i didn’t really care as he’s an adult and it’s not really anything to do with him. she finally agreed to let my boyfriend drive but seemed very pissed off and hasn’t spoken to me since. aita here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am 19f, my mom is 36f, her new husband is 40ishm. my mom met this guy in november of 2019. they got married last month without any warning. our family has known him for forever as a family friend but nothing personal. he’s nice enough, but everyone, including myself, is just not comfortable with him yet. it’s extremely touchy for our family as the marriage was very rushed and there is always continuous drama. i don’t live at home. my boyfriend and i rent a house together. however, i had surgery around 2 months ago and my mom has been taking me to and from my post op appointments. i have had this issue that the surgery was for around 2 years. my mom has always went with me and done my bandages and care when i couldn’t as it’s on my lower back and i cannot see what i’m doing. she drives me to and from as i usually have to take a pain pill at some period on appointment days. when we moved into our house, i had surgery about 3 months later and my mom came over during the day to help me shower, move, and change my bandages. my boyfriend also works during the day so it was easiest for my mom to do these things. however, my past few post op appointments (every 2 weeks) she has made every excuse for her new husband to come. i’ve told her i’m not comfortable with him coming at all even if he just sits in the car because i don’t know him like that yet. before it has been that she started taking new sleeping medication, my little sister wanted to come and needed company to sit in the car, etc. just things that could be solved. even my grandmother has offered to drive the both of us and sit in the car. i have an appointment tomorrow. today she again said that would have to drive because her “car needed fixing”. this was a lie as she literally drove it today and it was fine as my sister was with her and told me this. i offered to let her drive my car. i also offered for my boyfriend to drive the both of us and him just sit in the car. she told me she had already asked her husband to go and it would hurt his feelings. i told her i didn’t really care as he’s an adult and it’s not really anything to do with him. she finally agreed to let my boyfriend drive but seemed very pissed off and hasn’t spoken to me since. aita here? [/INST] nta. it's weird how she's forcing you to bring him along. i'd put my foot down as well if it made me uncomfortable. </s>
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Aita for telling my mom she is a bad parent for not punishing my sister?
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i (14f) suffer from depression and dissociation so i take antidepressants. i leave the bottle sitting on my counter in my bathroom since that is my space. however yesterday morning i woke up and they were not there. i panicked since i need to take them in the morning and i had school. i ended up going to school without them and spent the entire day in a panic since i don't know where they could be. later that night while at home i walked in on my sister filming a tiktok holding my medication bottle. i screamed at her for taking them and she started crying. i told my mom what she was doing and it turns out my sister had been filming a video about her talking about her depression and how it affected her. i was disgusted since my sister did not have any mental issues we were aware of, but my mother told her to not do that and that's it. i asked if she was going to do anything but she said that my sister was a kid so it was just a learning moment to tell her to stop. i called her an awful mother for letting that slide as if it were nothing and leaving me with extreme anxiety all day. she took away my phone for the night and told me to be respectful. i don't think i did anything wrong since that is awful to do on both their parts, but my sister has been saying i'm overreacting and my mom still does nothing and says i need to calm down since it caused no harm. aita?
&#x200b;
| 1,640 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nv3x69/aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_is_a_bad_parent_for/
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2021-06-08 13:23:15
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nta
your sister is awful and your mother is an awful mother. it's telling what she saw worthy of punishment. evidently she values her own ego over your well-being.
well, you can punish your sister yourself. you've seen her tik tok account right? expose her.
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nta and report her account for being under age
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how old is your sister?
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[removed]
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nta. "caused no harm"? you were *without your medication for a day*. that can cause major side effects from some medication if you aren't careful. what if it had been for your heart? would she say that then? and what if your sister took one?? taking meds not prescribed by your doctor can also be really dangerous. your mom absolutely needs to punish your sister. otherwise she will think it's ok to do it again.
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nta- i’m going to be brutally honest here. your sister is a dick for stealing your meds and using them as a prop for fake internet points. your mom is either incredibly ignorant or apathetic by doing next to nothing to stop your sister and then excusing it as a learning experience while punishing you for standing up for yourself. i hope things get better op and if you can find somewhere safe for you to store your meds that would be best to prevent this from ever happening.
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nta
isn't tiktok officially limited to people above the age of 13? make her lose her account. she is obviously not mature enough to use social media.
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nta and this is why i hate internet culture.
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nta. your mother is not being a responsible parent. if your sister had taken some of your meds, she could have ended in the er. maybe your sister is too young to understand it, but your mother should know better. psyquiatric medication is very dangerous for people that don't have any mental illnesses. just bc you have mental issues doesn't mean you are wrong. next appointment you have with your therapist/psyquiatrist, tell them about this. or if you have a gp, ask them to explain it to your mother
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nah. unless your sister is significantly older than you, she's just being a dumb kid and isn't an asshole. doing dumb insensitive shit is how most of us learn to not be assholes and this is probably that for your sister.
you aren't an asshole because you're young and still learning whats reasonable to expect of others within the context of their abilities. my hunch is that your sis is younger than you and you'll need to accept that her maturity/experiences/judgment isn't at the same level as yours. you were being disrespectful, but, again, this is a learning opportunity on how to not be disrespectful in the future.
your mom isn't an asshole because she likely saw the situation for what it was. your sis got throughly freaked out when she was caught, your mom told her not to do it again, and there's nothing to suggest that she's going to do it again.
look, your mom got you help for your depression....is she really an awful parent? your punishment was losing your phone for a day...who pays for that phone? what exactly did you want her to do to your sis? what punishment would have been fair?
also, if your sis is younger, she's did the video because she looks up to you and wants to be closer. it's 100% armchair psychology, but it's textbook shit.
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (14f) suffer from depression and dissociation so i take antidepressants. i leave the bottle sitting on my counter in my bathroom since that is my space. however yesterday morning i woke up and they were not there. i panicked since i need to take them in the morning and i had school. i ended up going to school without them and spent the entire day in a panic since i don't know where they could be. later that night while at home i walked in on my sister filming a tiktok holding my medication bottle. i screamed at her for taking them and she started crying. i told my mom what she was doing and it turns out my sister had been filming a video about her talking about her depression and how it affected her. i was disgusted since my sister did not have any mental issues we were aware of, but my mother told her to not do that and that's it. i asked if she was going to do anything but she said that my sister was a kid so it was just a learning moment to tell her to stop. i called her an awful mother for letting that slide as if it were nothing and leaving me with extreme anxiety all day. she took away my phone for the night and told me to be respectful. i don't think i did anything wrong since that is awful to do on both their parts, but my sister has been saying i'm overreacting and my mom still does nothing and says i need to calm down since it caused no harm. aita? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (14f) suffer from depression and dissociation so i take antidepressants. i leave the bottle sitting on my counter in my bathroom since that is my space. however yesterday morning i woke up and they were not there. i panicked since i need to take them in the morning and i had school. i ended up going to school without them and spent the entire day in a panic since i don't know where they could be. later that night while at home i walked in on my sister filming a tiktok holding my medication bottle. i screamed at her for taking them and she started crying. i told my mom what she was doing and it turns out my sister had been filming a video about her talking about her depression and how it affected her. i was disgusted since my sister did not have any mental issues we were aware of, but my mother told her to not do that and that's it. i asked if she was going to do anything but she said that my sister was a kid so it was just a learning moment to tell her to stop. i called her an awful mother for letting that slide as if it were nothing and leaving me with extreme anxiety all day. she took away my phone for the night and told me to be respectful. i don't think i did anything wrong since that is awful to do on both their parts, but my sister has been saying i'm overreacting and my mom still does nothing and says i need to calm down since it caused no harm. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] nta your sister is awful and your mother is an awful mother. it's telling what she saw worthy of punishment. evidently she values her own ego over your well-being. well, you can punish your sister yourself. you've seen her tik tok account right? expose her. </s>
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AITA for taking my dog to college?
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i am about to be a junior at a college nearly across the country (us) from where i grew up. for this reason, and other problems college kids have, i have been very stressed and somewhat depressed.
so this summer i drive home inorder to bring my dog to college, otherwise i would have flown. when i get home my dad told me i could not have my dog. he claims that the dog would be upset with out the other dogs and even said that the dog would probably be dead in 6 months. he even said if i try to take the dog without his permission, he will call the police.
i argue that the dog was my 14th birthday present and i'm not just taking him to take him, but because he was the only thing that helped me through highschool and i feel he will help me at college. my dad agrees to think about letting me have the dog.
two days before i'm supposed to leave i asked if i could have the dog, my dad said no. i got all upset and told my mom that i was going to leave a day early, because i felt as though my dad cared more about keeping the dog than about me. which made her upset and she starts crying and convinces my dad to let me take the dog.
i still ended up leaving a day early because my dad is known for changing his mind very quick, and i didn't want to give him the chance.
it has been about a month since i took the dog and he seems happy and doesn't show any signs of depression. yet my dad and i haven't talked. and just today he posted on fb that the dog was selfishly taken from him.
so aita?
| 991 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cm5av2/aita_for_taking_my_dog_to_college/
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2019-08-05 02:47:38
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nta. it sounds like you taking the dog was agreed upon ahead of time (hence why you drove) and that your dad decided last minute that he didn't want to let you have the dog. the going back and forth and saying the dog would be lonely/die without the other dogs is unnecessary (as was threatening to call the police), and it's never a good look for parents to complain about their children on facebook.
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nta. sounds like your dad overreacted.
if the pet was a gift to you, then it's *yours*. this can be confusing because animals aren't the same as items.
i say you have the right to take the dog since it's yours and you will take good care of it. dogs don't necessarily get depressed when they're not around other dogs. some get aggressive when they are.
if your dog needs other dog company then take it to a dog park for an afternoon, it's not that hard.
your dad is just paranoid and selfish.
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nta: i see from your replies that you've thought this through (living in a house with a dog park, dog is home alone less than 6 hours). your original post lacked some of this info, so perhaps that's why you are getting so much flack in the replies.
anyway, i hope the best for you and your dog.
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info: are you allowed to have a dog where you’re living? is he walked multiple times a day and not left alone for long periods of time?
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nta. your dad is channeling his empty nest feelings into you and your dog. if the dog is happy and you have time to care for it there is no problem and dad can see you both for the holidays.
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info
what were his sat scores like?
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nta but is this the best for the dog? i completely understand you need and desire to have your best pal near you during college. but ask yourself if your dog is happier there. make sure the dog gets plenty of attention, exercise, fresh water, and is safe and isn’t depressed. dogs can get sad when people leave their lives, or dogs leave their lives. so even tho the dog is yours make sure you do the very best for him/her. this might be a hard time for you, but be sure your not hurting others in the process of feeling better.
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nta. it seems like it was preplanned for you to take the dog and that your father changed his mind last minute. i don’t see anything wrong with you sticking to plan. also he’s definitely wrong in posting about his family life on facebook for all to see.
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nta. it's your dog.
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nta. it sounds like you have been very responsible about it. you're very lucky your landlord allows dogs, do something nice for them sometime to show your appreciation. i was really impressed to read you live close to a dog park and that the dog is getting regular exercise. i commend you for working your schedule around the pooch, and that roomies are also around to keep it company. it probably will miss the other dogs from home, so i do hope you take pooch home with you on breaks. your dad sounds like he has control issues and that it's really more about the loss of control than the welfare of you or the dog. keep up the good work of making sure your doggo is well cared for, make sure it gets regular vet check ups as well! i think this will be a happy time in both your lives! your level of dog ownership responsibility seriously gives me hope for humanity!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am about to be a junior at a college nearly across the country (us) from where i grew up. for this reason, and other problems college kids have, i have been very stressed and somewhat depressed. so this summer i drive home inorder to bring my dog to college, otherwise i would have flown. when i get home my dad told me i could not have my dog. he claims that the dog would be upset with out the other dogs and even said that the dog would probably be dead in 6 months. he even said if i try to take the dog without his permission, he will call the police. i argue that the dog was my 14th birthday present and i'm not just taking him to take him, but because he was the only thing that helped me through highschool and i feel he will help me at college. my dad agrees to think about letting me have the dog. two days before i'm supposed to leave i asked if i could have the dog, my dad said no. i got all upset and told my mom that i was going to leave a day early, because i felt as though my dad cared more about keeping the dog than about me. which made her upset and she starts crying and convinces my dad to let me take the dog. i still ended up leaving a day early because my dad is known for changing his mind very quick, and i didn't want to give him the chance. it has been about a month since i took the dog and he seems happy and doesn't show any signs of depression. yet my dad and i haven't talked. and just today he posted on fb that the dog was selfishly taken from him. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am about to be a junior at a college nearly across the country (us) from where i grew up. for this reason, and other problems college kids have, i have been very stressed and somewhat depressed. so this summer i drive home inorder to bring my dog to college, otherwise i would have flown. when i get home my dad told me i could not have my dog. he claims that the dog would be upset with out the other dogs and even said that the dog would probably be dead in 6 months. he even said if i try to take the dog without his permission, he will call the police. i argue that the dog was my 14th birthday present and i'm not just taking him to take him, but because he was the only thing that helped me through highschool and i feel he will help me at college. my dad agrees to think about letting me have the dog. two days before i'm supposed to leave i asked if i could have the dog, my dad said no. i got all upset and told my mom that i was going to leave a day early, because i felt as though my dad cared more about keeping the dog than about me. which made her upset and she starts crying and convinces my dad to let me take the dog. i still ended up leaving a day early because my dad is known for changing his mind very quick, and i didn't want to give him the chance. it has been about a month since i took the dog and he seems happy and doesn't show any signs of depression. yet my dad and i haven't talked. and just today he posted on fb that the dog was selfishly taken from him. so aita? [/INST] nta. it sounds like you taking the dog was agreed upon ahead of time (hence why you drove) and that your dad decided last minute that he didn't want to let you have the dog. the going back and forth and saying the dog would be lonely/die without the other dogs is unnecessary (as was threatening to call the police), and it's never a good look for parents to complain about their children on facebook. </s>
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AITA for kicking my friend out of my bedroom so my wife could take a nap?
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throw away account. so, i 28m have a wife 27f who works full time as a cna while she is in school to become a an autopsy technician. she works a lot. she is constantly picking up extra shifts working doubles and even triples. she does all that on top of going to school full time. because of that she often takes a nap after work. well yesterday, i had a friend over who i will call e. my wife and e do not get along as e makes her uncomfortable but she and i don’t prevent one and other from seeing friends just because one of us doesn’t like the others friend. e was over at mine and my wife’s house playing video games when my wife calls to tell me she’s on her way home from work. she sounds exhausted and i asked her if she felt ok to drive and if not i’d come pick her up from work and go back together the car later. she says she’s fine to drive and that she’ll see me later. i said ok and told her i loved her. e and i go back to playing video games. it is worth mentioning that the only tv my wife and i have is in our bedroom. i was laying on the bed playing and e was sitting in my desk chair. about 15 minutes or so later i hear my wife come in the house and call out to let me know she was home. i come into the living room and give her a kiss. she all but collapses into my arms exhausted to the point she couldn’t even walk to the bedroom. i ask her if she’s ok and she says is yea just a long day at work. i really need a nap. i nodded and told her to come lay down in the bed. when we get to the bedroom i politely tell e that he needed to leave as my wife was exhausted and we could play later that night. e asks why he needs to leave and why my wife can’t just sleep while he and i keep playing. i explained that it was just a game and that my wife and her needs came first. e then asks why my wife couldn’t just take a nap on our living room couch. i told him i wasn’t making her sleep on the sofa just because he wanted to keep playing. e gets pissed and slammed his controller down on the dresser and goes to leave. before he does, he turns to my wife and tells her i’ll bet your happy he always feels like he has to pick you over anyone else. he leaves and slams the door on the way out. my wife turns to me and starts to apologize saying she could have just slept on the couch. i tell her no she couldn’t have and tell her to get some rest. later that night my other friends are blowing up my phone saying things along the lines of bros before hoes and saying it was rude to kick e out just so my wife could sleep. all of my married friends however are on my side saying my wife’s needs come first before my friends. e is now saying he won’t speak to me until i apologize. so am i the asshole?
| 20,651 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u4r55j/aita_for_kicking_my_friend_out_of_my_bedroom_so/
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2022-04-16 05:48:01
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nta, but you need to get better friends. they sound awful!
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nta. bros before hos? she's your wife. not just some chick you're sleeping with. fuck that guy.
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nta but why are you still friends with him? making somebody uncomfortable and not liking someone are two entirely different things. his reaction to you saying your wife comes first tells you everything you need to know about what type of friend he is. (the kind you stop being friends with)
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nta because your wife needing to sleep is so much more important than playing video games. however, you need to reevaluate some of the friendships you have and ask yourself if you're comfortable with them disrespecting your wife.
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nta - are you friends with a bunch of 16-year-olds? of course you're not the asshole and your friend needs to grow up.
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get rid of anyone that blew up your phone in the "bros before hoes" mentality.
please continue being a good husband/partner. being any sort of healthcare worker right now is exhausting.
nta
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nta - you also need to get rid of this friend. that's just toxic.
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[removed]
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nta.
why do you want to be friends with someone who is so happy to disrespect your marriage?
so e isn't speaking to you. so what? is acting entitled to your time, home and console the sign of a good friend? because i don't think so.
he'd be thrilled if you ruined your marriage by neglecting your wife's needs. that's not the sign of a good friend either.
of course your wife is never going to say "don't be friends with that person" but i think you should take a step back and ask yourself what you believe constitutes a good friend. there's every chance you may find e just doesn't meet those expectations.
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there's no way i would be friends with someone who called my wife a hoe. wtf? fuck that dude
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throw away account. so, i 28m have a wife 27f who works full time as a cna while she is in school to become a an autopsy technician. she works a lot. she is constantly picking up extra shifts working doubles and even triples. she does all that on top of going to school full time. because of that she often takes a nap after work. well yesterday, i had a friend over who i will call e. my wife and e do not get along as e makes her uncomfortable but she and i don’t prevent one and other from seeing friends just because one of us doesn’t like the others friend. e was over at mine and my wife’s house playing video games when my wife calls to tell me she’s on her way home from work. she sounds exhausted and i asked her if she felt ok to drive and if not i’d come pick her up from work and go back together the car later. she says she’s fine to drive and that she’ll see me later. i said ok and told her i loved her. e and i go back to playing video games. it is worth mentioning that the only tv my wife and i have is in our bedroom. i was laying on the bed playing and e was sitting in my desk chair. about 15 minutes or so later i hear my wife come in the house and call out to let me know she was home. i come into the living room and give her a kiss. she all but collapses into my arms exhausted to the point she couldn’t even walk to the bedroom. i ask her if she’s ok and she says is yea just a long day at work. i really need a nap. i nodded and told her to come lay down in the bed. when we get to the bedroom i politely tell e that he needed to leave as my wife was exhausted and we could play later that night. e asks why he needs to leave and why my wife can’t just sleep while he and i keep playing. i explained that it was just a game and that my wife and her needs came first. e then asks why my wife couldn’t just take a nap on our living room couch. i told him i wasn’t making her sleep on the sofa just because he wanted to keep playing. e gets pissed and slammed his controller down on the dresser and goes to leave. before he does, he turns to my wife and tells her i’ll bet your happy he always feels like he has to pick you over anyone else. he leaves and slams the door on the way out. my wife turns to me and starts to apologize saying she could have just slept on the couch. i tell her no she couldn’t have and tell her to get some rest. later that night my other friends are blowing up my phone saying things along the lines of bros before hoes and saying it was rude to kick e out just so my wife could sleep. all of my married friends however are on my side saying my wife’s needs come first before my friends. e is now saying he won’t speak to me until i apologize. so am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throw away account. so, i 28m have a wife 27f who works full time as a cna while she is in school to become a an autopsy technician. she works a lot. she is constantly picking up extra shifts working doubles and even triples. she does all that on top of going to school full time. because of that she often takes a nap after work. well yesterday, i had a friend over who i will call e. my wife and e do not get along as e makes her uncomfortable but she and i don’t prevent one and other from seeing friends just because one of us doesn’t like the others friend. e was over at mine and my wife’s house playing video games when my wife calls to tell me she’s on her way home from work. she sounds exhausted and i asked her if she felt ok to drive and if not i’d come pick her up from work and go back together the car later. she says she’s fine to drive and that she’ll see me later. i said ok and told her i loved her. e and i go back to playing video games. it is worth mentioning that the only tv my wife and i have is in our bedroom. i was laying on the bed playing and e was sitting in my desk chair. about 15 minutes or so later i hear my wife come in the house and call out to let me know she was home. i come into the living room and give her a kiss. she all but collapses into my arms exhausted to the point she couldn’t even walk to the bedroom. i ask her if she’s ok and she says is yea just a long day at work. i really need a nap. i nodded and told her to come lay down in the bed. when we get to the bedroom i politely tell e that he needed to leave as my wife was exhausted and we could play later that night. e asks why he needs to leave and why my wife can’t just sleep while he and i keep playing. i explained that it was just a game and that my wife and her needs came first. e then asks why my wife couldn’t just take a nap on our living room couch. i told him i wasn’t making her sleep on the sofa just because he wanted to keep playing. e gets pissed and slammed his controller down on the dresser and goes to leave. before he does, he turns to my wife and tells her i’ll bet your happy he always feels like he has to pick you over anyone else. he leaves and slams the door on the way out. my wife turns to me and starts to apologize saying she could have just slept on the couch. i tell her no she couldn’t have and tell her to get some rest. later that night my other friends are blowing up my phone saying things along the lines of bros before hoes and saying it was rude to kick e out just so my wife could sleep. all of my married friends however are on my side saying my wife’s needs come first before my friends. e is now saying he won’t speak to me until i apologize. so am i the asshole? [/INST] nta, but you need to get better friends. they sound awful! </s>
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AITAH for saying this to my daughter?
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my daughter has been in a relationship for 10 months and we really like the kid, he's a great kid, gets good grades and addresses us with "sir" and "ma'am" respectively. so, it's not like we disapprove..however, every month it's "hey mom it's our 1 month can i order us grubhub?" "its our 2 month, 3 month" ect. you get the point.
we just moved into a bigger house, so naturally, bills are more. we haven't even received our first round of bills yet and we're apprehensive about blowing money. everytime she orders it's at least 35 dollars!
so, here's the questionable statement i made. "guys, i love you both and you know we like having you around boyfriend, so don't take this the wrong way. not every month is an anniversary and doesn't require spending 30-50 dollars. i know they feel special and that's great but dad and i can't afford to blow money right now"
there it is..i was met with dagger stares and my daughter exclaimed "wow mom, thanks for taking a dump on our happiness!" boyfriend just looked embarrassed and didn't say anything. he's usually the one trying to get her under control. my daughter has a hot head like her father. am i the asshole?? i don't feel like i should have to fork out money for food, rides to special locations and go out of my way everytime they make it another month. 14yo daughter btw.
info: she's paid 200 a month, i had already prepared dinner with more than enough to go around and the questionable statement i made was after 5-6 "but why??" statements. i shouldn't have down played their day, i was young once and had a first long boyfriend. there will definitely be some family budgeting and personal budgeting talks but i'm hoping this teen parenting thing gets more seamless in 10 years because her 4yo sister is next😂
hey guys- thanks for all the comments and advice, i really appreciate it. didn't think it would grow to this much dialogue but happy it did. even the criticism. sometimes being shown a different point of view, even if it seems obvious, helps point out places to improve.
| 2,216 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hvm7qn/aitah_for_saying_this_to_my_daughter/
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2020-07-22 03:24:11
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nta - you're the parent and honestly paying for dates is something that a 14 year old doesn't really need when there are bills to be paid.
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nta i’m a teenage girl, so i feel i have a pretty good stance from her side as well. if she wants to spend a ton of money on her and her boyfriend she could always get a job. then she could see for herself how hard earning money is and why you don’t want to spend that much every month currently. also, does the bf chip in at all?! i’m from the midwest and we either go amish or he pays unless the girl makes significantly more.
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nta. 14yo? sorry, we're not spending $600 a year on your date nights.
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guess i should've specified, my bad. she gets paid for babysitting. i also tried to talking to her in private but she refused and said "i don't keep secrets from him" she is going through her testy phase right now. i probably should have left it as "no we can't afford it" and not tried to diminish their feelings. live and learn. at 35 i'm still growing. smh
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[deleted]
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nta she blows through $200 a month on random shit, but can't be bothered to save some of it for a special meal with her bf? yeah no.
tell her that the money for her 'anniversary' meals has to come from her allowance. if she chooses to spend all of the money she earns then she won't get her special meal. she needs to learn the concept of saving money for the things you want asap.
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nta but mightve been better to tell just your daughter w/o bf around.
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nta.
it sounds like you gave her an honest explanation without losing your cool.
if the anniversary dates are that important, and we know they are when you are young, maybe try to cook them something special? you are under no obligation to do this. it is a suggestion to try to keep the peace at home. teenagers can be a ball of emotions.
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damn she’s payed 200 a month at 14? i got payed less than that from my job at 19 :’(
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nta. if your daughter feels it’s that special enough to celebrate let her pay for her own meal with her bf. sounds like your daughter is acting like a spoiled entitled brat.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter has been in a relationship for 10 months and we really like the kid, he's a great kid, gets good grades and addresses us with "sir" and "ma'am" respectively. so, it's not like we disapprove..however, every month it's "hey mom it's our 1 month can i order us grubhub?" "its our 2 month, 3 month" ect. you get the point. we just moved into a bigger house, so naturally, bills are more. we haven't even received our first round of bills yet and we're apprehensive about blowing money. everytime she orders it's at least 35 dollars! so, here's the questionable statement i made. "guys, i love you both and you know we like having you around boyfriend, so don't take this the wrong way. not every month is an anniversary and doesn't require spending 30-50 dollars. i know they feel special and that's great but dad and i can't afford to blow money right now" there it is..i was met with dagger stares and my daughter exclaimed "wow mom, thanks for taking a dump on our happiness!" boyfriend just looked embarrassed and didn't say anything. he's usually the one trying to get her under control. my daughter has a hot head like her father. am i the asshole?? i don't feel like i should have to fork out money for food, rides to special locations and go out of my way everytime they make it another month. 14yo daughter btw. info: she's paid 200 a month, i had already prepared dinner with more than enough to go around and the questionable statement i made was after 5-6 "but why??" statements. i shouldn't have down played their day, i was young once and had a first long boyfriend. there will definitely be some family budgeting and personal budgeting talks but i'm hoping this teen parenting thing gets more seamless in 10 years because her 4yo sister is next😂 hey guys- thanks for all the comments and advice, i really appreciate it. didn't think it would grow to this much dialogue but happy it did. even the criticism. sometimes being shown a different point of view, even if it seems obvious, helps point out places to improve.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter has been in a relationship for 10 months and we really like the kid, he's a great kid, gets good grades and addresses us with "sir" and "ma'am" respectively. so, it's not like we disapprove..however, every month it's "hey mom it's our 1 month can i order us grubhub?" "its our 2 month, 3 month" ect. you get the point. we just moved into a bigger house, so naturally, bills are more. we haven't even received our first round of bills yet and we're apprehensive about blowing money. everytime she orders it's at least 35 dollars! so, here's the questionable statement i made. "guys, i love you both and you know we like having you around boyfriend, so don't take this the wrong way. not every month is an anniversary and doesn't require spending 30-50 dollars. i know they feel special and that's great but dad and i can't afford to blow money right now" there it is..i was met with dagger stares and my daughter exclaimed "wow mom, thanks for taking a dump on our happiness!" boyfriend just looked embarrassed and didn't say anything. he's usually the one trying to get her under control. my daughter has a hot head like her father. am i the asshole?? i don't feel like i should have to fork out money for food, rides to special locations and go out of my way everytime they make it another month. 14yo daughter btw. info: she's paid 200 a month, i had already prepared dinner with more than enough to go around and the questionable statement i made was after 5-6 "but why??" statements. i shouldn't have down played their day, i was young once and had a first long boyfriend. there will definitely be some family budgeting and personal budgeting talks but i'm hoping this teen parenting thing gets more seamless in 10 years because her 4yo sister is next😂 hey guys- thanks for all the comments and advice, i really appreciate it. didn't think it would grow to this much dialogue but happy it did. even the criticism. sometimes being shown a different point of view, even if it seems obvious, helps point out places to improve. [/INST] nta - you're the parent and honestly paying for dates is something that a 14 year old doesn't really need when there are bills to be paid. </s>
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WIBTA for giving my father an ultimatum?
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my (17f) parents (49 f&amp;m) have been divorced since 2016. my father pays roughly 1k in child support for me and my 15 m brothers (twins). i'm turning 18 in april, and going to college in the fall. my dad bought me a used car for my 17th birthday and a macbook air for christmas to use for college (this is relevant later). me and my brothers visit him every other weekend, and have a decent relationship with him. i love him a lot, but he's what you could only call greedy. he's always fought my mom on child support amounts, and mentions it every time he sees our worn out shoes our our empty pantry. even with the child support, we're barely getting by. visiting him on his weekends with his large house and in-ground pool that he built as i was scraping up money for tuition hurts, that he could help us but won't because he hates my mom, even though he was the one who cheated and demanded a divorce. recently, my dad has started mentioning how he will have extra money once i turn 18, because he won't have to pay child support. he called my mom today and told her that he will not be paying child support for once i turn 18, even though it states that he continues paying the flat amount until my brothers turn 18. he told her to sign the papers or he'll take it to court. we'll never be able to afford the court fees, and it hurts me deeply that he would want more fighting over giving his child money for tuition and living expenses. he says he would give it to me (maybe a little more, maybe a little less) but i'm afraid that without it being legally dictated, he'll "forget" as he has before. so, wibta if i told him to keep paying or lose what's left of our relationship? the reason i fear i'd be ta is because i feel as if i am putting money over our relationship, and i would regret it later.
| 164 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fa5ht1/wibta_for_giving_my_father_an_ultimatum/
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2020-02-27 03:04:32
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nta- but your mom should really let him take her to court. i can’t imagine how he could convince a judge that he should pay less than the divorce agreement specifies.
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nta - you aren’t the one putting money over your relationship. he is. you’re just delivering the consequences of his choices.
it’s not particularly unreasonable to lose all respect for a person who is actively forcing your mother into penury before his last kid is even out the door.
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nta. your dad is an asshole who doesn't want to take care of his kids and i'm sorry you have to deal with this.
keep in mind, though, that you giving him an ultimatum probably won't work because he's proven that he hates your mom more than he loves you and is willing to let you and your siblings suffer to punish her.
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nta
he is obviously prioritizing his petty and childish resentment to your mom instead of being a grown man and providing for his children´s needs. and also obviously he has enough money to support you and your siblings given his big house and pool construction. by what i can tell he seems salty towards your mom and is giving the least amount of child support as a way to hurt her but in reality he is hurting you and your brothers. your dad sounds like an incredibly immature and short sided "adult".
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info why would your mom have to go back to court? the child support agreement is already in place. if he doesn't pay the right amount on time, then just report him. no lawyer is needed for that.
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nta your father needs to grow the hell up, he honestly deserves it if he would rather break the law than support his own children just because of their mother
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nta stay out of the middle. but you can tell your mother she can go to court, pro se, meaning that she can represent herself. all she needs to do is file a motion to enforce the court order. the people at the court house can help her. she could pay a lawyer or paralegal to prepare the papers and then file them herself.
i'm sorry he is willing to hurt you and your brother because he has a grudge against your mother.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (17f) parents (49 f&amp;m) have been divorced since 2016. my father pays roughly 1k in child support for me and my 15 m brothers (twins). i'm turning 18 in april, and going to college in the fall. my dad bought me a used car for my 17th birthday and a macbook air for christmas to use for college (this is relevant later). me and my brothers visit him every other weekend, and have a decent relationship with him. i love him a lot, but he's what you could only call greedy. he's always fought my mom on child support amounts, and mentions it every time he sees our worn out shoes our our empty pantry. even with the child support, we're barely getting by. visiting him on his weekends with his large house and in-ground pool that he built as i was scraping up money for tuition hurts, that he could help us but won't because he hates my mom, even though he was the one who cheated and demanded a divorce. recently, my dad has started mentioning how he will have extra money once i turn 18, because he won't have to pay child support. he called my mom today and told her that he will not be paying child support for once i turn 18, even though it states that he continues paying the flat amount until my brothers turn 18. he told her to sign the papers or he'll take it to court. we'll never be able to afford the court fees, and it hurts me deeply that he would want more fighting over giving his child money for tuition and living expenses. he says he would give it to me (maybe a little more, maybe a little less) but i'm afraid that without it being legally dictated, he'll "forget" as he has before. so, wibta if i told him to keep paying or lose what's left of our relationship? the reason i fear i'd be ta is because i feel as if i am putting money over our relationship, and i would regret it later.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (17f) parents (49 f&amp;m) have been divorced since 2016. my father pays roughly 1k in child support for me and my 15 m brothers (twins). i'm turning 18 in april, and going to college in the fall. my dad bought me a used car for my 17th birthday and a macbook air for christmas to use for college (this is relevant later). me and my brothers visit him every other weekend, and have a decent relationship with him. i love him a lot, but he's what you could only call greedy. he's always fought my mom on child support amounts, and mentions it every time he sees our worn out shoes our our empty pantry. even with the child support, we're barely getting by. visiting him on his weekends with his large house and in-ground pool that he built as i was scraping up money for tuition hurts, that he could help us but won't because he hates my mom, even though he was the one who cheated and demanded a divorce. recently, my dad has started mentioning how he will have extra money once i turn 18, because he won't have to pay child support. he called my mom today and told her that he will not be paying child support for once i turn 18, even though it states that he continues paying the flat amount until my brothers turn 18. he told her to sign the papers or he'll take it to court. we'll never be able to afford the court fees, and it hurts me deeply that he would want more fighting over giving his child money for tuition and living expenses. he says he would give it to me (maybe a little more, maybe a little less) but i'm afraid that without it being legally dictated, he'll "forget" as he has before. so, wibta if i told him to keep paying or lose what's left of our relationship? the reason i fear i'd be ta is because i feel as if i am putting money over our relationship, and i would regret it later. [/INST] nta- but your mom should really let him take her to court. i can’t imagine how he could convince a judge that he should pay less than the divorce agreement specifies. </s>
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AITA for refusing to take my kids to church?
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my ex wife started to embrace religion ever since her parents died a few years ago. i am an atheist but respect other people's religion. in fact i respect it so much that i don't care. i don't think i've ever been in a church.
my ex usually has our sons on sundays and takes them to church. they are 7 and 9. it's a hippy kind of church.
my ex has to work on sunday for the rest of the year and asked me if i'd take them to church.
i said fuck no.
i wouldn't feel comfortable. plus she told the church people that i don't believe in god and have zero patience for anyone trying to convert me. i'm not in the mood for religious debates. the boys obviously can't go alone so they won't go. they're not heartbroken over it. they'd be just as happy as going to ihop or the beach in the morning.
my ex said this is important to her and assured me that no one cares that i am atheist. nope.
for the record, i'm a reluctant atheist. i believe more of an existence of space aliens than god.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y1rocv/aita_for_refusing_to_take_my_kids_to_church/
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2022-10-12 02:29:13
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nta -- your day, your choice. period. (unless, of course, there is verbiage in a legally binding greement you two signed stating they would be in church on sundays.)
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my ex wife and i had this argument back when we were married. i’m an atheist, she wasn’t super into church for years and then suddenly she was. she found one she liked. she took the kids, but i didn’t go. kids were 8-10 at the time. they liked it, but it wasn’t something they super cared about. one sunday my daughter didn’t want to go. she came to me asked if she had to go or if she could stay home with me. i said she could stay home with me.
the wife got pissed and it started a fight.
now, i’m not great when it comes to comeback. i’m one of those people that come up with the perfect thing to say 4 days later after replaying the event in my head.
she said “if they don’t go as children, how will they ever believe it as an adult?” without a skipping a beat i said “ah hah!”
the couch wasn’t comfortable that night.
nta - divorced parents can do different things.
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nta, if you have the kids on sundays then it is your choice what to do with them. if she has the kids on a sunday that she has off then she can take them herself.
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nta. it’s not your obligation to take them to church. however if something important comes up at church and your kids really want to go, then that may be something that you want to consider taking them to are making arrangements for them to go
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no one should have religion forced upon them, regardless of motive. nta.
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nta. if your kids wanted to go, then it might be different, but if they would much rather go to ihop or the beach, then go enjoy that with your kids.
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reminds me of my spouse’s parents. the dad was more religious than the mom, and wanted my spouse to go to church growing up, but didn’t wanna go himself. he wanted the mom to take them, because it’s a mom’s job i guess? she ofc said hell no, and my spouse has still never been to church. 🤣
nta
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nta- they're your kids too and you get to pick what you get to do with them during your time with them. plus church is boring, pancakes are delicious.
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nta. she has every right to take them and you have every right not to.
i will say if your boys show an interest than i think you should suck it up now and again.
also is she just no longer going to church then? most churches usually have a service at least one day a week that's not sunday, tho it depends on the denomination. cause if she's not going any more due to work why is so worried about her boys contiouning to go?
and if she wants to expand their relationship with her faith why would she have you take them? that's not your beliefs, it truly becomes some weird empty gesture at that point.
also, faith shouldn't exist only in your place of worship. she can share her faith outside of church real easy.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex wife started to embrace religion ever since her parents died a few years ago. i am an atheist but respect other people's religion. in fact i respect it so much that i don't care. i don't think i've ever been in a church. my ex usually has our sons on sundays and takes them to church. they are 7 and 9. it's a hippy kind of church. my ex has to work on sunday for the rest of the year and asked me if i'd take them to church. i said fuck no. i wouldn't feel comfortable. plus she told the church people that i don't believe in god and have zero patience for anyone trying to convert me. i'm not in the mood for religious debates. the boys obviously can't go alone so they won't go. they're not heartbroken over it. they'd be just as happy as going to ihop or the beach in the morning. my ex said this is important to her and assured me that no one cares that i am atheist. nope. for the record, i'm a reluctant atheist. i believe more of an existence of space aliens than god.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex wife started to embrace religion ever since her parents died a few years ago. i am an atheist but respect other people's religion. in fact i respect it so much that i don't care. i don't think i've ever been in a church. my ex usually has our sons on sundays and takes them to church. they are 7 and 9. it's a hippy kind of church. my ex has to work on sunday for the rest of the year and asked me if i'd take them to church. i said fuck no. i wouldn't feel comfortable. plus she told the church people that i don't believe in god and have zero patience for anyone trying to convert me. i'm not in the mood for religious debates. the boys obviously can't go alone so they won't go. they're not heartbroken over it. they'd be just as happy as going to ihop or the beach in the morning. my ex said this is important to her and assured me that no one cares that i am atheist. nope. for the record, i'm a reluctant atheist. i believe more of an existence of space aliens than god. [/INST] nta -- your day, your choice. period. (unless, of course, there is verbiage in a legally binding greement you two signed stating they would be in church on sundays.) </s>
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AITA For refusing to babysit for my brother and SIL after they previously told me they don't trust me
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i (28m) have an older brother (31m) and sil (30f) who have a 3-year old son and sil is about 7-months pregnant with their second child. i am a single man in my 20s and live by myself. as such, i live a fairly typical bachelor lifestyle. i enjoy going out to bars and clubs, in the past i have attended music festivals and dabbled in drug use, and i do not apologize for it. it's the way i am choosing to live my life right now. but i am also working full-time for a fortune 500 company and making well over 6-figures. all in all, i like to think that i have my stuff together pretty well for a person my age.
when my brother and sil had their first kid, sil pretty much told me in no uncertain terms that she would never trust me to watch her son by myself. she told this to me completely on her own and when i asked my brother about it, he pretty much just sided with her and shrugged. now, i admit that some aspects of my lifestyle are not kid-friendly. but i also understand there is a time and a place for everything and i would never do anything to put my nephew in any compromised situation. i have never pressed the topic with sil or my brother and until recently it has never been a problem.
a few weeks ago my brother called me in the middle of the night and asked if i could watch their son. sil was having stomach pains and they needed to go to the hospital but they had no one else to watch their son. sil's parents were quarantined after covid exposure, and every other option they had couldn't do it. i was literally a last resort. i asked if sil was ok with it, and my brother said she didn't know he was asking me and he was desperate. i told him the only way i would be ok with it was if sil asked me herself because i didn't want to cause an issue. my brother told me they didn't have time and they would drop off my nephew on the way to the hospital in an hour.
when they got to my apartment i went down to meet them and sil saw me and recognized where they were and started screaming at my brother. she started yelling questions at me like whether or not i have drugs on the counter, or if i have a girl up there with me. so i told my brother i was sorry, but this wasn't going to work. i told him i love him and hope everything works out and i told sil the same but she ignored me and told my brother to take her to the hospital.
everything at the hospital ended up being ok and sil and baby are healthy. she wasn't going into early labor and they were back home the next day. however, my brother called me after that and said i was a huge asshole for not helping. i said it wasn't really my decision as sil made it pretty clear in the moment that she didn't want her son staying with me. he said i should have just taken my nephew as sil was in no condition to make a rational decision.
my mom called me the other day and said i should apologize to my brother and sil for what i did, but i don't think i was even in the wrong. was i an asshole for not helping them?
| 16,981 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/khjm9v/aita_for_refusing_to_babysit_for_my_brother_and/
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2020-12-21 15:33:30
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nta. thats insane. you literally were going to get screamed at and have been the bad guy no matter what you did. that's not fair to you at all.
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nta, i personally believe you went about this the right way. you were willing to help, you knew sil wouldn't so you asked for her permission. i don't think you owe anyone an apology.
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if she, in her state of mind, had enough capacity to insist no and to question whether you had drugs or a girl (both of which are none of her business), then she was in her right mind enough that her demand of no should have been respected. this should be said to anyone who tries to say you're wrong. someone should be asking sil why she had to be an asshole, not asking you.
nta, and don't let them tell you otherwise.
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nta - i got really mad on your behalf when i got to the part where your mom called you and told you to apologize. that takes some giant balls. do not apologize.
your brother needs to sort this out with his wife. if he wants to be mad at anyone, he should be mad at her. he's just taking it out on you because he can't take it out on her.
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nta - you would have helped if you had the mother’s approval. sil is the asshole.
edit to add: many of you have made great points! i’m seeing now that maybe the brother is the asshole... sil was clear in that she never wanted her child watched by op. brother didn’t respect her wishes, or op’s request to ask sil first.
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wait so your being called an asshole for respecting your sil “boundaries” definitely nta
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nta your sil said she doesn’t trust you so your not obligated to babysit for them.
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nta, your mom is though - what exactly did she want you to do? ignore your sil screaming and just reach into the car and grab your nephew? it seems pretty clear that sil had no intention of leaving him with you so how could you help?
perhaps your mom can explain how you were supposed to help and then you can decide if you should apologise (spoiler you should not!).
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nta.
you are absolutely not the ah in this situation, and you did the right thing.
they can't year you like crap at the same time as they are asking a huge favor of you. and you should absolutely not take a child against any parent's wishes.
it's not ideal, but you can take a kid with you to the hospital. this is not the first time this type of situation arose.
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nta. unfortunatley no matter what you did it would have ended badly. but let's play out the other scenario. you take the child even though the mother is screaming in the background. later, an angry mother comes and takes the child and you are never let within a mile of her or her children again. also, she is extremely angry with your brother for leaving her child with you against her wishes. i'd say you chose the correct option.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (28m) have an older brother (31m) and sil (30f) who have a 3-year old son and sil is about 7-months pregnant with their second child. i am a single man in my 20s and live by myself. as such, i live a fairly typical bachelor lifestyle. i enjoy going out to bars and clubs, in the past i have attended music festivals and dabbled in drug use, and i do not apologize for it. it's the way i am choosing to live my life right now. but i am also working full-time for a fortune 500 company and making well over 6-figures. all in all, i like to think that i have my stuff together pretty well for a person my age. when my brother and sil had their first kid, sil pretty much told me in no uncertain terms that she would never trust me to watch her son by myself. she told this to me completely on her own and when i asked my brother about it, he pretty much just sided with her and shrugged. now, i admit that some aspects of my lifestyle are not kid-friendly. but i also understand there is a time and a place for everything and i would never do anything to put my nephew in any compromised situation. i have never pressed the topic with sil or my brother and until recently it has never been a problem. a few weeks ago my brother called me in the middle of the night and asked if i could watch their son. sil was having stomach pains and they needed to go to the hospital but they had no one else to watch their son. sil's parents were quarantined after covid exposure, and every other option they had couldn't do it. i was literally a last resort. i asked if sil was ok with it, and my brother said she didn't know he was asking me and he was desperate. i told him the only way i would be ok with it was if sil asked me herself because i didn't want to cause an issue. my brother told me they didn't have time and they would drop off my nephew on the way to the hospital in an hour. when they got to my apartment i went down to meet them and sil saw me and recognized where they were and started screaming at my brother. she started yelling questions at me like whether or not i have drugs on the counter, or if i have a girl up there with me. so i told my brother i was sorry, but this wasn't going to work. i told him i love him and hope everything works out and i told sil the same but she ignored me and told my brother to take her to the hospital. everything at the hospital ended up being ok and sil and baby are healthy. she wasn't going into early labor and they were back home the next day. however, my brother called me after that and said i was a huge asshole for not helping. i said it wasn't really my decision as sil made it pretty clear in the moment that she didn't want her son staying with me. he said i should have just taken my nephew as sil was in no condition to make a rational decision. my mom called me the other day and said i should apologize to my brother and sil for what i did, but i don't think i was even in the wrong. was i an asshole for not helping them?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (28m) have an older brother (31m) and sil (30f) who have a 3-year old son and sil is about 7-months pregnant with their second child. i am a single man in my 20s and live by myself. as such, i live a fairly typical bachelor lifestyle. i enjoy going out to bars and clubs, in the past i have attended music festivals and dabbled in drug use, and i do not apologize for it. it's the way i am choosing to live my life right now. but i am also working full-time for a fortune 500 company and making well over 6-figures. all in all, i like to think that i have my stuff together pretty well for a person my age. when my brother and sil had their first kid, sil pretty much told me in no uncertain terms that she would never trust me to watch her son by myself. she told this to me completely on her own and when i asked my brother about it, he pretty much just sided with her and shrugged. now, i admit that some aspects of my lifestyle are not kid-friendly. but i also understand there is a time and a place for everything and i would never do anything to put my nephew in any compromised situation. i have never pressed the topic with sil or my brother and until recently it has never been a problem. a few weeks ago my brother called me in the middle of the night and asked if i could watch their son. sil was having stomach pains and they needed to go to the hospital but they had no one else to watch their son. sil's parents were quarantined after covid exposure, and every other option they had couldn't do it. i was literally a last resort. i asked if sil was ok with it, and my brother said she didn't know he was asking me and he was desperate. i told him the only way i would be ok with it was if sil asked me herself because i didn't want to cause an issue. my brother told me they didn't have time and they would drop off my nephew on the way to the hospital in an hour. when they got to my apartment i went down to meet them and sil saw me and recognized where they were and started screaming at my brother. she started yelling questions at me like whether or not i have drugs on the counter, or if i have a girl up there with me. so i told my brother i was sorry, but this wasn't going to work. i told him i love him and hope everything works out and i told sil the same but she ignored me and told my brother to take her to the hospital. everything at the hospital ended up being ok and sil and baby are healthy. she wasn't going into early labor and they were back home the next day. however, my brother called me after that and said i was a huge asshole for not helping. i said it wasn't really my decision as sil made it pretty clear in the moment that she didn't want her son staying with me. he said i should have just taken my nephew as sil was in no condition to make a rational decision. my mom called me the other day and said i should apologize to my brother and sil for what i did, but i don't think i was even in the wrong. was i an asshole for not helping them? [/INST] nta. thats insane. you literally were going to get screamed at and have been the bad guy no matter what you did. that's not fair to you at all. </s>
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AITA? I reported my friends boyfriend without telling her.
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obligatory apology because i’m on mobile. also my friends have reddit so hopefully this isn’t seen by them, also please no screenshotting and posting this to instagram reddit accounts or any of that.
so a little backstory, my friend has been on and off with this guy for ages now, and he’s an abusive asshole. i mean she’s crying over him every other week, he gets mad at her for things she can’t control, she isn’t allowed to hang out with my male friend (who is almost a negative threat, i can’t even explain how crazy he is for that one). all around an asshole.
he is in one of my classrooms after me, and the other day i had to be escorted from the room due to a stress induced mental outburst (which i am prone to). i only had time to grab my laptop and assumed that my friends would have gotten the rest of my things for me. they didn’t.
his class was there after mine, and he took a notebook of mine (filled with dark thought notes etc, very personal) that i think fell out of my bag or something, and destroyed multiple pages, ripped out a blank one, defiled it by calling me every name in the book, as well as drawing people i think i know in an offensive way. he stupidly signed it and left the paper in my book and the tracings have gone through the paper in the rest of the book. now obviously i’m concerned about this, and he has also stolen all (all) of my notes from my history class (ripped out of my book) which i need as the test is soon and now i have no revision. i’m fucking pissed.
my science teacher is also the head for my grade so i’ve emailed her stating what has happened and honestly i hope he gets into a whole world of shit. the worst the better.
i did show my friend the drawings and paper but she said that there is nothing she can do about it, but i didn’t show her the indents or tell her about the fact that i’m going to fail my history test now. she’s already going through a lot and i don’t want to add to her stress. my concern is if i should have told her that i was going to report his behaviour. i didn’t think that i should have but when i mentioned it to my mother she said that i should have just let it go and it wasn’t worth it and i was being an ass. this kid harassed me in woodwork class last semester and she thinks i shouldn’t have bothered because he’s already proven that he likes upsetting people, which makes sense, but she also said that i should have told my friend first.
my friend is going through a ton of shit (pet just died, etc) and i love her to death, she’s amazing and incredibly sweet and this guy is her blind spot. all my friends don’t think that i’m ta but my mom has made me question my actions. i know i’m not the asshole for reporting him, but am i for not telling my friend i was going to? i care about my grades and i don’t want to fail this test.
edited for privacy.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/svggst/aita_i_reported_my_friends_boyfriend_without/
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2022-02-18 12:10:59
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nta. i find your mom's stance a little weird. you should stand up for yourself. and he definitely acts like a heathen, she will thank you in the long run if it affects her and his relationship
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nta, at the end of the day, you're the only one who can truly stand up for yourself and your needs. your mom may not have wanted to deal with the fallout of the situation so i think she gave you bad advice for her own sake, not yours. and with your friend, it's better to ask for forgiveness instead of permission. this isn't about your friend it's about her ah boyfriend, so you don't need to ask her. if you were to have told her or asked her ahead of time she may have felt like she had some sort of rights, say, or control in the matter, and if she told you not to report him and you did it anyway, she would have been extra pissed that you went against her wishes or decision. do what you need to do and get some reasonable, unbiased adults involved to help you.
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nta. i don't think your mum gets the full scope of this guy's behaviour. it's detrimental to your learning.
your friend is going through this emotional stress and she may have a load of reasons, but this doesn't help. that's not how a relationship should be. if she doesn't want your help, take care of yourself. this isn't him being an idiot. that's psycho/harassing. stay away from them, or you'll be pulled into this toxicity.
and take care of yourself. looks like you can't count on your friends to help you either.
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nta you absolutely did the right thing and i can't understand why your mom would told you otherwise.
as for your friend, i think this is a school matter and you don't need to tell her about it if you don't want to.
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nta.
in the long run you are saving her and one day she will see that. your other friends i’m confused as to why they think it’s ok to let it carry on.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: obligatory apology because i’m on mobile. also my friends have reddit so hopefully this isn’t seen by them, also please no screenshotting and posting this to instagram reddit accounts or any of that. so a little backstory, my friend has been on and off with this guy for ages now, and he’s an abusive asshole. i mean she’s crying over him every other week, he gets mad at her for things she can’t control, she isn’t allowed to hang out with my male friend (who is almost a negative threat, i can’t even explain how crazy he is for that one). all around an asshole. he is in one of my classrooms after me, and the other day i had to be escorted from the room due to a stress induced mental outburst (which i am prone to). i only had time to grab my laptop and assumed that my friends would have gotten the rest of my things for me. they didn’t. his class was there after mine, and he took a notebook of mine (filled with dark thought notes etc, very personal) that i think fell out of my bag or something, and destroyed multiple pages, ripped out a blank one, defiled it by calling me every name in the book, as well as drawing people i think i know in an offensive way. he stupidly signed it and left the paper in my book and the tracings have gone through the paper in the rest of the book. now obviously i’m concerned about this, and he has also stolen all (all) of my notes from my history class (ripped out of my book) which i need as the test is soon and now i have no revision. i’m fucking pissed. my science teacher is also the head for my grade so i’ve emailed her stating what has happened and honestly i hope he gets into a whole world of shit. the worst the better. i did show my friend the drawings and paper but she said that there is nothing she can do about it, but i didn’t show her the indents or tell her about the fact that i’m going to fail my history test now. she’s already going through a lot and i don’t want to add to her stress. my concern is if i should have told her that i was going to report his behaviour. i didn’t think that i should have but when i mentioned it to my mother she said that i should have just let it go and it wasn’t worth it and i was being an ass. this kid harassed me in woodwork class last semester and she thinks i shouldn’t have bothered because he’s already proven that he likes upsetting people, which makes sense, but she also said that i should have told my friend first. my friend is going through a ton of shit (pet just died, etc) and i love her to death, she’s amazing and incredibly sweet and this guy is her blind spot. all my friends don’t think that i’m ta but my mom has made me question my actions. i know i’m not the asshole for reporting him, but am i for not telling my friend i was going to? i care about my grades and i don’t want to fail this test. edited for privacy.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
obligatory apology because i’m on mobile. also my friends have reddit so hopefully this isn’t seen by them, also please no screenshotting and posting this to instagram reddit accounts or any of that. so a little backstory, my friend has been on and off with this guy for ages now, and he’s an abusive asshole. i mean she’s crying over him every other week, he gets mad at her for things she can’t control, she isn’t allowed to hang out with my male friend (who is almost a negative threat, i can’t even explain how crazy he is for that one). all around an asshole. he is in one of my classrooms after me, and the other day i had to be escorted from the room due to a stress induced mental outburst (which i am prone to). i only had time to grab my laptop and assumed that my friends would have gotten the rest of my things for me. they didn’t. his class was there after mine, and he took a notebook of mine (filled with dark thought notes etc, very personal) that i think fell out of my bag or something, and destroyed multiple pages, ripped out a blank one, defiled it by calling me every name in the book, as well as drawing people i think i know in an offensive way. he stupidly signed it and left the paper in my book and the tracings have gone through the paper in the rest of the book. now obviously i’m concerned about this, and he has also stolen all (all) of my notes from my history class (ripped out of my book) which i need as the test is soon and now i have no revision. i’m fucking pissed. my science teacher is also the head for my grade so i’ve emailed her stating what has happened and honestly i hope he gets into a whole world of shit. the worst the better. i did show my friend the drawings and paper but she said that there is nothing she can do about it, but i didn’t show her the indents or tell her about the fact that i’m going to fail my history test now. she’s already going through a lot and i don’t want to add to her stress. my concern is if i should have told her that i was going to report his behaviour. i didn’t think that i should have but when i mentioned it to my mother she said that i should have just let it go and it wasn’t worth it and i was being an ass. this kid harassed me in woodwork class last semester and she thinks i shouldn’t have bothered because he’s already proven that he likes upsetting people, which makes sense, but she also said that i should have told my friend first. my friend is going through a ton of shit (pet just died, etc) and i love her to death, she’s amazing and incredibly sweet and this guy is her blind spot. all my friends don’t think that i’m ta but my mom has made me question my actions. i know i’m not the asshole for reporting him, but am i for not telling my friend i was going to? i care about my grades and i don’t want to fail this test. edited for privacy. [/INST] nta. i find your mom's stance a little weird. you should stand up for yourself. and he definitely acts like a heathen, she will thank you in the long run if it affects her and his relationship </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend she's not allowed to wear thong bikinis when I'm not around?
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we kinda just got into a huge fight and she told her friends what i said. they all think i'm a huge controlling asshole and it's ruined our saturday night.
how did this get started.....
we met her friend kavita for lunch today. kavita just got back from toronto's carnival and was showing us some pictures. a few of them were her wearing basically a thong.
now for those who don't know, toronto carnival or caribbean style carnivals are not like brazil's carnival. brazil is very very tame in comparison, yes the costumes are skimpy but it's a parade.
caribbean carnivals start off pleasant enough but end up being a public 'orgy' of grinding and dry humping.
now her friend is married but her husband didn't go with her and she's there telling my wife about how many guys she grinded with (dozens) and how sexy it all was.
anyway, when we got home i causally mentioned to my wife, if i were kavita's husband, i'd never even let her wear such a revealing costume in the first place. i said what she did was extremely inappropriate and that if she wanted to go without him she shouldn't have been wearing a thong.
my girlfriend immediately retorted saying she disagrees and that if she wanted to wear a thong in public without me, she can and doesn't need my permission.
i argued back saying, if she did then she'd be single. thongs send the wrong message to other men. it's effectively like her going somewhere and advertising that she's single and looking to hook up.
she said, that's not at all and that my way of thinking is archaic and sexist. i said that's the reality of how people and guys think.
she told two of her friends and they both sided with her saying i'm way too controlling and insecure.
my argument is that wearing a thong without me present is basically her signalling to other men that she wants to be approached and even hook up because she's being sexually explicit with her own body.
it's not that i don't want to be with a girl who'd do this, it's the fact that she doesn't understand how men think and that women themselves will think she's a whore. if she were to wear a thong on a beach or carnival party without me, i'd have a really hard time believing she didn't do it with the intention of attracting male attention.
aita here? is it wrong to expect a woman who's in a relationship to dress more conservatively?
| 306 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/coqrxq/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_shes_not_allowed/
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2019-08-11 01:44:15
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yta because you are controling and you do feel entitled to be in charge of her. also, wrong sub!
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obviously, yta. shockingly not everything women do revolves around men, often we wear certain clothes because...we like those clothes. lol. you are being controlling, i hope your girlfriend finds someone with views that actually line up with the century we're living in.
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yta you have no right to tell your girlfriend what to wear and i wouldn't blame her if she left you because your behavior is controlling.
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yta. i think you need to reread what you’ve written and said. you’re clearly being controlling and shaming her for being comfortable in her own body.
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yta, and they're right about you being controlling. you should be able to place enough trust in your girlfriend to be able to trust her even if she's wearing "sexually explicit" things, such as a bikini thong. i definitely wouldnt want to be with someone like you, that's for sure
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yta. her body, her choice for clothing (or lack of).
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yta oh honey, just no to everything you said.
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wow. major yta.
the way guys perceive her shouldn’t affect the way she dresses and neither should your input. instead, trust her to not grind up on other dude or hookup.
her friends are totally right.
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yta it’s her body get over it.
also yta for this :
>anyway, when we got home i causally mentioned to my wife, if i were kavita's husband, i'd never even let her wear such a revealing costume in the first place. i said what she did was extremely inappropriate and that if she wanted to go without him she shouldn't have been wearing a thong.
my girlfriend immediately retorted saying she disagrees and that if she wanted to wear a thong in public without me, she can and doesn't need my permission.
do you have a wife and girlfriend?
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>i'd never even let
let me stop you right there.
>my way of thinking is archaic and sexist
it is.
>she doesn't understand how men think and that women themselves will think she's a whore
that's ridiculous. your clothes don't define your level of promiscuity and if you think that then you need to reevaluate how you objectify people based on their clothing.
>is it wrong to expect a woman who's in a relationship to dress more conservatively?
yes. it's opressive.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we kinda just got into a huge fight and she told her friends what i said. they all think i'm a huge controlling asshole and it's ruined our saturday night. how did this get started..... we met her friend kavita for lunch today. kavita just got back from toronto's carnival and was showing us some pictures. a few of them were her wearing basically a thong. now for those who don't know, toronto carnival or caribbean style carnivals are not like brazil's carnival. brazil is very very tame in comparison, yes the costumes are skimpy but it's a parade. caribbean carnivals start off pleasant enough but end up being a public 'orgy' of grinding and dry humping. now her friend is married but her husband didn't go with her and she's there telling my wife about how many guys she grinded with (dozens) and how sexy it all was. anyway, when we got home i causally mentioned to my wife, if i were kavita's husband, i'd never even let her wear such a revealing costume in the first place. i said what she did was extremely inappropriate and that if she wanted to go without him she shouldn't have been wearing a thong. my girlfriend immediately retorted saying she disagrees and that if she wanted to wear a thong in public without me, she can and doesn't need my permission. i argued back saying, if she did then she'd be single. thongs send the wrong message to other men. it's effectively like her going somewhere and advertising that she's single and looking to hook up. she said, that's not at all and that my way of thinking is archaic and sexist. i said that's the reality of how people and guys think. she told two of her friends and they both sided with her saying i'm way too controlling and insecure. my argument is that wearing a thong without me present is basically her signalling to other men that she wants to be approached and even hook up because she's being sexually explicit with her own body. it's not that i don't want to be with a girl who'd do this, it's the fact that she doesn't understand how men think and that women themselves will think she's a whore. if she were to wear a thong on a beach or carnival party without me, i'd have a really hard time believing she didn't do it with the intention of attracting male attention. aita here? is it wrong to expect a woman who's in a relationship to dress more conservatively?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we kinda just got into a huge fight and she told her friends what i said. they all think i'm a huge controlling asshole and it's ruined our saturday night. how did this get started..... we met her friend kavita for lunch today. kavita just got back from toronto's carnival and was showing us some pictures. a few of them were her wearing basically a thong. now for those who don't know, toronto carnival or caribbean style carnivals are not like brazil's carnival. brazil is very very tame in comparison, yes the costumes are skimpy but it's a parade. caribbean carnivals start off pleasant enough but end up being a public 'orgy' of grinding and dry humping. now her friend is married but her husband didn't go with her and she's there telling my wife about how many guys she grinded with (dozens) and how sexy it all was. anyway, when we got home i causally mentioned to my wife, if i were kavita's husband, i'd never even let her wear such a revealing costume in the first place. i said what she did was extremely inappropriate and that if she wanted to go without him she shouldn't have been wearing a thong. my girlfriend immediately retorted saying she disagrees and that if she wanted to wear a thong in public without me, she can and doesn't need my permission. i argued back saying, if she did then she'd be single. thongs send the wrong message to other men. it's effectively like her going somewhere and advertising that she's single and looking to hook up. she said, that's not at all and that my way of thinking is archaic and sexist. i said that's the reality of how people and guys think. she told two of her friends and they both sided with her saying i'm way too controlling and insecure. my argument is that wearing a thong without me present is basically her signalling to other men that she wants to be approached and even hook up because she's being sexually explicit with her own body. it's not that i don't want to be with a girl who'd do this, it's the fact that she doesn't understand how men think and that women themselves will think she's a whore. if she were to wear a thong on a beach or carnival party without me, i'd have a really hard time believing she didn't do it with the intention of attracting male attention. aita here? is it wrong to expect a woman who's in a relationship to dress more conservatively? [/INST] yta because you are controling and you do feel entitled to be in charge of her. also, wrong sub! </s>
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AITA for refusing to adopt a baby?
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just to explain the situation- i am a woman, married to a younger man, with four adult children from a previous relationship. my husband always said, from the very first date, that he did not want any children. i certainly do not want anymore.
recently he has started talking about having children. i'm past the menopause, i can't have anymore naturally. but he is a teacher, and he recently told me about a student in his class with a very strict, religious family who is pregnant. my husband wanted to adopt this baby.
at first i was torn. i didn't want this girl to get in trouble, i didn't want to let my husband down and i really, really, really did not want a baby. and in the end, i said no. i said we were not taking this baby.
now my husband is mad at me, and when i told my friend, she said i was selfish. am i the asshole here?
| 1,601 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e1gge7/aita_for_refusing_to_adopt_a_baby/
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2019-11-25 14:02:54
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nta. you guys agreed upfront not to have kids. if your husband has a change of mind, it is not on you to change as well. he's being completely selfish thinking that since he changed his mind, you have to as well.
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nta. your friend is though. let her adopt the baby. this is a human, not a puppy. you can't just bring home babies.
serious though, not trying to be horrible or accusatory but could this be your husband's baby?
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info and i apologise for this question. but is there any chance the baby could be his?
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nta. you can't be expected just to adopt a baby because there happens to be a spare one and your husband wants it. you've done your fair share of mothering.
and if this girl is from a "very strict, religious family," they can take care of this baby.
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nta. uh, you guys do realize that you can’t just decide to adopt someone’s baby without talking to them first, right? and no, you made it clear you didn’t want more kids. you don’t have to compromise on that.
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nta you're past menopause, you're realistically into another part of your life than childrearing. it's a huge commitment, not made lightly, and there's no shame in knowing you can't make that commitment. (friend is ta for suggesting that's selfish.)
>i didn't want this girl to get in trouble
is troubling. sounds like husband thinks you're going to make all this happen without her parents knowing. and what makes this husband's personal responsibility?
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nta
for your husband to want you to raise another child when you're already at a post-menopause age, that's giving up at least another 18 years of your life for a child that is not even yours, just to satisfy your husband. that's extremely selfish of him.
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nta
the partner who says no to adoption wins that debate and the baby wins a lifetime free from quiet (or overt) resentment
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nta. a baby isn't an accessory or something you take on as a favor to someone else. if you don't want the commitment of raising a child again, you shouldn't adopt it. you made the right decision. your husband is being blinded by his compassion for his student and being rash: he could just as easily work with her to help her find resources for adoption. it's not a zero-sum game if you don't take the baby: there are other options available to her, which would be better for the baby in the long run.
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nta. maybe i've been on reddit too long, but just be sure this isn't your husband's baby.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: just to explain the situation- i am a woman, married to a younger man, with four adult children from a previous relationship. my husband always said, from the very first date, that he did not want any children. i certainly do not want anymore. recently he has started talking about having children. i'm past the menopause, i can't have anymore naturally. but he is a teacher, and he recently told me about a student in his class with a very strict, religious family who is pregnant. my husband wanted to adopt this baby. at first i was torn. i didn't want this girl to get in trouble, i didn't want to let my husband down and i really, really, really did not want a baby. and in the end, i said no. i said we were not taking this baby. now my husband is mad at me, and when i told my friend, she said i was selfish. am i the asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
just to explain the situation- i am a woman, married to a younger man, with four adult children from a previous relationship. my husband always said, from the very first date, that he did not want any children. i certainly do not want anymore. recently he has started talking about having children. i'm past the menopause, i can't have anymore naturally. but he is a teacher, and he recently told me about a student in his class with a very strict, religious family who is pregnant. my husband wanted to adopt this baby. at first i was torn. i didn't want this girl to get in trouble, i didn't want to let my husband down and i really, really, really did not want a baby. and in the end, i said no. i said we were not taking this baby. now my husband is mad at me, and when i told my friend, she said i was selfish. am i the asshole here? [/INST] nta. you guys agreed upfront not to have kids. if your husband has a change of mind, it is not on you to change as well. he's being completely selfish thinking that since he changed his mind, you have to as well. </s>
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AITA for asking my bridesmaid to temporarily change her vibrant hair colour for my colour schemed wedding?
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my 24 f bridsemaid / cousin ella 26 f is to be in my wedding party in june.
the ongoing issue is that my wedding has a blue and green peacock theme and guests have been asked to follow this colour scheme with their clothes.
hair wasn't originally included at all in the colour scheme but my cousin ella has natural bright ginger hair.
i would never ask someone to permemnantly change their hair for my wedding, i know that would be bonkers so i suggested some temporary hair dye, but ella argued that she has been growing her hair for 6 years and doesn't want to risk the colour not washing out.
i thought this was ridiculous because it literally says washes out in like 14 washes.
but ella says because her hair is completely natural colour it might take strongly to her hair.
so i gave up on that avenue and suggested a wig, it is 1 day 1 single day and there are some amazing wigs these days, i had a look on instagram and you wouldn't even be able to tell.
but she said she would feel self conscious and weird wearing a wig and that because her hair is butt length that it might sit weird on her head.
so she won't dye it, and won't cover it up.
i really don't want to come across as a bridezilla but butt length flaming red hair will destroy the wedding photos, and ruin the colour scheme completely.
im at a loss, i can't cut her from the wedding because my mom would murder me but i can't have freaking merida ruining the photos, aita for asking this of her for just 1 single day?
tl;dr bridesmaid has flaming red hair and refusing to hide it for one single day for my wedding that has a colour scheme it will clash with aita
| 8,963 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/essrci/aita_for_asking_my_bridesmaid_to_temporarily/
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2020-01-23 12:59:47
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yta - this is her natural hair. if she had artificial coloring, i can see asking her to dye it again, but you are asking someone to change their natural hair color. yes your wedding, but there are limits are you have exceeded the limit.
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yta she's hotter than you huh
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yta.
i thought she was going to have some sort of comical crayola shade of red hair. she has gorgeous, natural virgin red hair. it's beautiful and completely natural. nothing about her hair is "flaming." it's not even particularly red, more like a deep strawberry blonde. this is just bizarre. you're a bridezilla like 17 times here. idk what's behind this weird insecurity about someone's natural hair color, but you are absolutely the asshole for making such ridiculous demands. your wedding guests shouldn't need to adhere to a strict dress code color scheme and people shouldn't be asked to subdue their natural hair color or other traits outside of your control. jfc it's not even like her hair is purple!
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yta. a peacock color scheme would look just fine with that shade of red hair. if anything, it'll make the dress colors look more vibrant. if she wears her hair up, the emphasis will be on the color scheme, not her hair. you don't ask a natural redhead to dye their hair for one day. you don't ask a woman with super long hair to stuff it into a wig.
are you sure you're not worried she'll look better than you because of her hair?
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yta. it’s her natural hair for heaven sake! plus, dying red hair is notoriously difficult, and frequently red hair doesn’t return to its natural shade after dying it. her red hair isn’t going to ruin your color scheme. get over yourself; you’re being unreasonable.
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yta. as someone with "flaming red hair," there are about a hundred things i would say to you about this, but 99 of them would probably get me banned from this sub; so i'll just say you're in the running to be america's next top bridezilla.
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yta asking someone to change their natural hair or their hair period is over the line. no one will give a crap about your wedding photos within a few months of the wedding besides you. her hair won't ruin the photos, your attitude will.
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yta 100% bridezilla.
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yta. what on god's green earth makes you think you have any standing to tell someone to change their hair color - their natural hair color?
you are the epitome of the bridezilla stereotype. i often think that people who demand such things for their super special magikal princess jubilee marry day are not mature enough to marry.
calm down op. your cousin will look lovely, you will look lovely, none of this matters in the scheme of life.
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ytmassivea: speaking as a person with natural bright copper hair, your peacock color scheme has nothing to with it. those specific tones go perfectly with red hair and it looks amazing. there literally couldn’t be a more complimentary pallet to red hair than peacock tones.
your jealousy is showing and rightfully so, she’s going to look *amazing* on your big day with those colors as her backdrop.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my 24 f bridsemaid / cousin ella 26 f is to be in my wedding party in june. the ongoing issue is that my wedding has a blue and green peacock theme and guests have been asked to follow this colour scheme with their clothes. hair wasn't originally included at all in the colour scheme but my cousin ella has natural bright ginger hair. i would never ask someone to permemnantly change their hair for my wedding, i know that would be bonkers so i suggested some temporary hair dye, but ella argued that she has been growing her hair for 6 years and doesn't want to risk the colour not washing out. i thought this was ridiculous because it literally says washes out in like 14 washes. but ella says because her hair is completely natural colour it might take strongly to her hair. so i gave up on that avenue and suggested a wig, it is 1 day 1 single day and there are some amazing wigs these days, i had a look on instagram and you wouldn't even be able to tell. but she said she would feel self conscious and weird wearing a wig and that because her hair is butt length that it might sit weird on her head. so she won't dye it, and won't cover it up. i really don't want to come across as a bridezilla but butt length flaming red hair will destroy the wedding photos, and ruin the colour scheme completely. im at a loss, i can't cut her from the wedding because my mom would murder me but i can't have freaking merida ruining the photos, aita for asking this of her for just 1 single day? tl;dr bridesmaid has flaming red hair and refusing to hide it for one single day for my wedding that has a colour scheme it will clash with aita
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my 24 f bridsemaid / cousin ella 26 f is to be in my wedding party in june. the ongoing issue is that my wedding has a blue and green peacock theme and guests have been asked to follow this colour scheme with their clothes. hair wasn't originally included at all in the colour scheme but my cousin ella has natural bright ginger hair. i would never ask someone to permemnantly change their hair for my wedding, i know that would be bonkers so i suggested some temporary hair dye, but ella argued that she has been growing her hair for 6 years and doesn't want to risk the colour not washing out. i thought this was ridiculous because it literally says washes out in like 14 washes. but ella says because her hair is completely natural colour it might take strongly to her hair. so i gave up on that avenue and suggested a wig, it is 1 day 1 single day and there are some amazing wigs these days, i had a look on instagram and you wouldn't even be able to tell. but she said she would feel self conscious and weird wearing a wig and that because her hair is butt length that it might sit weird on her head. so she won't dye it, and won't cover it up. i really don't want to come across as a bridezilla but butt length flaming red hair will destroy the wedding photos, and ruin the colour scheme completely. im at a loss, i can't cut her from the wedding because my mom would murder me but i can't have freaking merida ruining the photos, aita for asking this of her for just 1 single day? tl;dr bridesmaid has flaming red hair and refusing to hide it for one single day for my wedding that has a colour scheme it will clash with aita [/INST] yta - this is her natural hair. if she had artificial coloring, i can see asking her to dye it again, but you are asking someone to change their natural hair color. yes your wedding, but there are limits are you have exceeded the limit. </s>
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AITA for asking my mother to leave the kitchen while I cook.
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ever since i started cooking as a child throughout my teens and adulthood i would always get frustrated cooking in the kitchen at home until i moved out. my mother would always hover over and comment on little things while i cook. i recently moved back in (temporarily) and while i was cooking, my mother could tell i was getting upset and left the kitchen. after she came back i told her i don’t like her commenting and hovering while i cook. i don’t mind working around people, i just don’t like the micromanagement. i could tell she’s really upset. i feel like i’m an asshole but not sure.
| 298 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hq06mp/aita_for_asking_my_mother_to_leave_the_kitchen/
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2020-07-12 19:18:47
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nta. this is backseat driving via the kitchen instead of a car. if she wants to be involved so bad, she can do the cooking herself. if you’re just a terrible cook, she should be addressing that much more directly instead of this kind of hovering coach method.
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nta, you need your own space when cooking. your mother was probably trying to help but you need to make your own explorations when in the kitchen as it can become quite a heated place. mine does it all the time so i'm used to the hovering.
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nta- i had exactly the same problem with my dad. he’d try to move things around or put them away, and it drove me crazy. i think he was so used to ‘teaching’ me how to cook (when i was a kid) that it was hard to let go in the kitchen. it’s probably difficult for your mother to accept that you know what you’re doing. i found it helpful to shift the focus away from “i don’t want you in the kitchen” towards “i’m cooking for you and you should sit down or relax somewhere else”. but you aren’t the asshole for setting boundaries!
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[deleted]
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nta - you need your space as much as she needs hers.
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ever since i started cooking as a child throughout my teens and adulthood i would always get frustrated cooking in the kitchen at home until i moved out. my mother would always hover over and comment on little things while i cook. i recently moved back in (temporarily) and while i was cooking, my mother could tell i was getting upset and left the kitchen. after she came back i told her i don’t like her commenting and hovering while i cook. i don’t mind working around people, i just don’t like the micromanagement. i could tell she’s really upset. i feel like i’m an asshole but not sure.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ever since i started cooking as a child throughout my teens and adulthood i would always get frustrated cooking in the kitchen at home until i moved out. my mother would always hover over and comment on little things while i cook. i recently moved back in (temporarily) and while i was cooking, my mother could tell i was getting upset and left the kitchen. after she came back i told her i don’t like her commenting and hovering while i cook. i don’t mind working around people, i just don’t like the micromanagement. i could tell she’s really upset. i feel like i’m an asshole but not sure. [/INST] nta. this is backseat driving via the kitchen instead of a car. if she wants to be involved so bad, she can do the cooking herself. if you’re just a terrible cook, she should be addressing that much more directly instead of this kind of hovering coach method. </s>
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AITA for refusing to sell a woman and her daughter a goldfish?
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i (22f) work at a large chain pet store. i’ve been with the company for 3 years and i’m very passionate about it. i mainly work in the reptile and fish sections. i take the welfare of our animals very seriously and always do my best to ensure they go to good homes by educating customers about proper care. i even got the store to change some policies to make the environment safer for the animals (ie no sand in the gecko enclosures, better fish food, etc).
today i had a woman and her 10-year-old daughter come in to buy a fish. the woman had a 0.25 gallon bowl and was looking at goldfish. for those that don’t know, goldfish are actually way more maintenance than you would think, and need at least 20 gallons of space plus a filter at minimum. they suffer immensely when kept in tiny bowls and usually don’t live long when in actuality they should live several years with proper care.
i approached them and politely struck up conversation. the woman said she wanted to get a goldfish, so i went ahead and explained that those tiny bowls are not suitable for any living creature, and that the goldfish would probably not do very well in it. i recommended a 20 gallon starter kit that was on sale instead. she said she thought the bowl would be fine and she “knew what she was doing.” however her daughter was upset and told her mom that she didn’t want her fish to be sad and that they should get the bigger tank. they started arguing, the daughter kept trying to insist on upgrading to a bigger size. i showed them an even cheaper 10 gallon starter kit, but the woman still said no. i once again reiterated that a 0.25 gallon bowl is not a suitable tank for any animal.
now the woman is getting pissed and told me to “just give her the damn goldfish.” at this point, i was uncomfortable with the situation and said that i did not feel comfortable selling to her. she blew up at me and her daughter started to cry. she found my manager and reported me before leaving and vowing to never come back.
my manager said i was within my rights to deny the sale, but that i should just give them the goldfish next time. i can’t, in good conscience, send an animal to a home that i don’t think it will thrive in. my manager says it was an ah move to deny them, some of my coworkers think i did the right thing. so idk what to think.
aita?
| 1,294 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x3mirm/aita_for_refusing_to_sell_a_woman_and_her/
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2022-09-01 23:55:00
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nta, your manager is though. my goldfish lived in a 4ft tank and lived for 5 years until there was a freak accident. they were being grown out to be put in a pond. i was heartbroken when they died.
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nta and whilst it's good that your manager didn't ream you, they're a massive ah to suggest you actually did something wrong (which is what they did with the "next time...")
i had to google what size a tank goldfish need and yep, they all say 20 gallons. so you know the job, were spot on with your response and anyone that tells you otherwise is an ah.
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nta- used to work in a large pet store as well, and we were actually trained to not sell fish to people who admittedly did not have proper tank set ups. otherwise it’s a guarantee the fish will not survive (and the customer will end up coming back wanting a refund making the company lose money too). good on you looking out for the fish!
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oh yes my two subs colliding, aquariums and aita <3
because your manager said you are okay to not sell her the goldfish i will say nta. people really dont realize how dirty goldfish are and what they need in order to stop their dirtiness from killing them in a tank. you did the right thing by the livestock you carry, and potentially taught the daughter how all animals (whether a goldfish or a dog) have needs that are specific to them and they arent suitable for every type of scenario. sadly, they will just go to another pet store and get a fish there, but you did good by stopping her within your abilities.
also, good on you for changing some policies at a big chain store, thats a big accomplishment
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nta. people need to be seriously re-educated about caring for fish because nobody realizes that those little 3 inch ones you see in bowls are just babies who don't thrive because they don't get what they need. i don't know how people can see the care that goes into their cousins the koi and not want to accept that goldfish are similar in their needs.
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nta. i think that you were definitely well within your right to deny the sale, and you had the best interests of the animal at heart. i would imagine your manager was coming from the, “customer is always right” mindset, but i don’t think anyone in good conscience should allow an animal to be placed in an unsuitable environment.
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[deleted]
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nta. in these places,employees are allowed.to deny the sale if they believe the animal will suffer under bad care. you did everything you could to educate the woman on proper fish care. the manager is just concerned with making them shut up and getting a sale. you did the right thing and saved the fish. most people view fish as disposable pets that can be easily replaced when they die from bad care.
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nta. you are of the right age to learn that very few good deeds go unpunished. thank you for advocating for the fish in your care and for standing up for what was right.
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nta. and shame on pet stores for selling these types of habitats that really aren’t appropriate for any fish. i have 1 betta in a 20 gallon and even that feel like it’s too small for him to me.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22f) work at a large chain pet store. i’ve been with the company for 3 years and i’m very passionate about it. i mainly work in the reptile and fish sections. i take the welfare of our animals very seriously and always do my best to ensure they go to good homes by educating customers about proper care. i even got the store to change some policies to make the environment safer for the animals (ie no sand in the gecko enclosures, better fish food, etc). today i had a woman and her 10-year-old daughter come in to buy a fish. the woman had a 0.25 gallon bowl and was looking at goldfish. for those that don’t know, goldfish are actually way more maintenance than you would think, and need at least 20 gallons of space plus a filter at minimum. they suffer immensely when kept in tiny bowls and usually don’t live long when in actuality they should live several years with proper care. i approached them and politely struck up conversation. the woman said she wanted to get a goldfish, so i went ahead and explained that those tiny bowls are not suitable for any living creature, and that the goldfish would probably not do very well in it. i recommended a 20 gallon starter kit that was on sale instead. she said she thought the bowl would be fine and she “knew what she was doing.” however her daughter was upset and told her mom that she didn’t want her fish to be sad and that they should get the bigger tank. they started arguing, the daughter kept trying to insist on upgrading to a bigger size. i showed them an even cheaper 10 gallon starter kit, but the woman still said no. i once again reiterated that a 0.25 gallon bowl is not a suitable tank for any animal. now the woman is getting pissed and told me to “just give her the damn goldfish.” at this point, i was uncomfortable with the situation and said that i did not feel comfortable selling to her. she blew up at me and her daughter started to cry. she found my manager and reported me before leaving and vowing to never come back. my manager said i was within my rights to deny the sale, but that i should just give them the goldfish next time. i can’t, in good conscience, send an animal to a home that i don’t think it will thrive in. my manager says it was an ah move to deny them, some of my coworkers think i did the right thing. so idk what to think. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) work at a large chain pet store. i’ve been with the company for 3 years and i’m very passionate about it. i mainly work in the reptile and fish sections. i take the welfare of our animals very seriously and always do my best to ensure they go to good homes by educating customers about proper care. i even got the store to change some policies to make the environment safer for the animals (ie no sand in the gecko enclosures, better fish food, etc). today i had a woman and her 10-year-old daughter come in to buy a fish. the woman had a 0.25 gallon bowl and was looking at goldfish. for those that don’t know, goldfish are actually way more maintenance than you would think, and need at least 20 gallons of space plus a filter at minimum. they suffer immensely when kept in tiny bowls and usually don’t live long when in actuality they should live several years with proper care. i approached them and politely struck up conversation. the woman said she wanted to get a goldfish, so i went ahead and explained that those tiny bowls are not suitable for any living creature, and that the goldfish would probably not do very well in it. i recommended a 20 gallon starter kit that was on sale instead. she said she thought the bowl would be fine and she “knew what she was doing.” however her daughter was upset and told her mom that she didn’t want her fish to be sad and that they should get the bigger tank. they started arguing, the daughter kept trying to insist on upgrading to a bigger size. i showed them an even cheaper 10 gallon starter kit, but the woman still said no. i once again reiterated that a 0.25 gallon bowl is not a suitable tank for any animal. now the woman is getting pissed and told me to “just give her the damn goldfish.” at this point, i was uncomfortable with the situation and said that i did not feel comfortable selling to her. she blew up at me and her daughter started to cry. she found my manager and reported me before leaving and vowing to never come back. my manager said i was within my rights to deny the sale, but that i should just give them the goldfish next time. i can’t, in good conscience, send an animal to a home that i don’t think it will thrive in. my manager says it was an ah move to deny them, some of my coworkers think i did the right thing. so idk what to think. aita? [/INST] nta, your manager is though. my goldfish lived in a 4ft tank and lived for 5 years until there was a freak accident. they were being grown out to be put in a pond. i was heartbroken when they died. </s>
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AITA for loudly shouting in front of my dad and brother That im holding tampons in my hand despite it making them uncomfortable?
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im a 15 yo girl and i have a older brother and a younger sister. my mom always tried to teach me to be ashamed of my period and to keep it discreet so that it wont any males "uncomfortable". this has always bothered me because almost all cis females and trans men have to deal with this, its perfectly normal so why on earth should i hide it?
anyways so today my mom bought me tampons and
they were the wrong size, i went to the kitchen the box of tampons clearly visable in my hand to ask her to get a smaller size. my dad and brother were in the room talking and when they realised what i was talking about they went silent and my dad gave me a disgusted look. my mother told me to put them away before the boys could see them which got me really mad, i stomped over to the boys and shook the tampons loudly in their face and screamed im holding tampons *puts hand over mouth and looks shocked* omg omg this is disgusting how f**king dare i. my brother called me a crazy lunatic and that im disgusting and should be ashamed of myself? umm ok boobie boy❤️
im now in serious trouble and my dad cant even look at me. my mom says im shameful and nasty and "ladys shouldnt curse". honestly i thought it was funny and my sister thought so too
| 7,284 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i55moy/aita_for_loudly_shouting_in_front_of_my_dad_and/
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2020-08-07 02:32:05
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nta. teaching people to be ashamed about what is quite obviously a normal bodily function is really harmful, and engenders an environment where people can’t talk about their concerns, or worse, potential medical issues related to it.
they need to grow up.
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“ok boobie boy” had me screaming. get em, menstruator! nta and please do it again.
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jesus christ, nta, your father should be ashamed of himself for having the maturity of a 12 year old. your brother should strive to be better.
the idea that menstruation is embarrassing, "dirty", or "gross" is ridiculous. good on you for treating their reaction as ridiculous as it was.
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nta i’m a boy and i don’t see why boys care so much like it’s not more disturbing than going to the bathroom tbh
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nta. i wouldn't hide it anymore. i would talk about cramps when you have your period. i would say loudly to whomever is going grocery shopping "i need more tampons!"
if you father is acting childish and has a disgusting look on his face, i would look him in the eye and say "the only way i would not have a period is if i got pregnant? is that what you would prefer?" and see what he has to say.
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nta i teach middle school kids and run a donation area in the school stocked from donations. we managed to score a bunch of pads and the boys refused to move them. i asked if they would be fine with q-tips (yup) then these are basically the same thing and to deal with it.
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nta your parents suck if that’s how they intend on raising your brother. that’s how you end up with shitty men that have zero empathy for women.
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hetero cis male here. most guys don’t care. only guys who care about this stuff are prudes. it’s the human body and natural. glad that you’re not ashamed of your body. you nta your family are the ah.
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nta- i truly don’t get the disgust for clean and unused feminine products. i’m lucky my brothers are meh about it. it’s just what it is and it’s what’s needed. my brother would even remind me on grocery trips, to make sure i’m well stocked with feminine products.
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this is so fake.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: im a 15 yo girl and i have a older brother and a younger sister. my mom always tried to teach me to be ashamed of my period and to keep it discreet so that it wont any males "uncomfortable". this has always bothered me because almost all cis females and trans men have to deal with this, its perfectly normal so why on earth should i hide it? anyways so today my mom bought me tampons and they were the wrong size, i went to the kitchen the box of tampons clearly visable in my hand to ask her to get a smaller size. my dad and brother were in the room talking and when they realised what i was talking about they went silent and my dad gave me a disgusted look. my mother told me to put them away before the boys could see them which got me really mad, i stomped over to the boys and shook the tampons loudly in their face and screamed im holding tampons *puts hand over mouth and looks shocked* omg omg this is disgusting how f**king dare i. my brother called me a crazy lunatic and that im disgusting and should be ashamed of myself? umm ok boobie boy❤️ im now in serious trouble and my dad cant even look at me. my mom says im shameful and nasty and "ladys shouldnt curse". honestly i thought it was funny and my sister thought so too
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
im a 15 yo girl and i have a older brother and a younger sister. my mom always tried to teach me to be ashamed of my period and to keep it discreet so that it wont any males "uncomfortable". this has always bothered me because almost all cis females and trans men have to deal with this, its perfectly normal so why on earth should i hide it? anyways so today my mom bought me tampons and they were the wrong size, i went to the kitchen the box of tampons clearly visable in my hand to ask her to get a smaller size. my dad and brother were in the room talking and when they realised what i was talking about they went silent and my dad gave me a disgusted look. my mother told me to put them away before the boys could see them which got me really mad, i stomped over to the boys and shook the tampons loudly in their face and screamed im holding tampons *puts hand over mouth and looks shocked* omg omg this is disgusting how f**king dare i. my brother called me a crazy lunatic and that im disgusting and should be ashamed of myself? umm ok boobie boy❤️ im now in serious trouble and my dad cant even look at me. my mom says im shameful and nasty and "ladys shouldnt curse". honestly i thought it was funny and my sister thought so too [/INST] nta. teaching people to be ashamed about what is quite obviously a normal bodily function is really harmful, and engenders an environment where people can’t talk about their concerns, or worse, potential medical issues related to it. they need to grow up. </s>
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AITA for wanting to return a cookbook that my husband got me and refusing to cook?
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when my husband and i first got married, i did most of the cooking. i was also working less hours. then we had kids and i was a stay-at-home mom, so it just made sense. however, once our kids reached elementary age, i re-entered the workforce. this time, my workload doubled. i tried at first to cook every night, prep in advance, etc. but at the end of the day, i was exhausted. i shared this with my husband and he agreed to help with the cooking and we began to split it.
as our kids got older and my workload increased, my husband’s decreased. his field has taken a nose dive and he works a lot less hours than he used to. we’ve been fine financially because of my workload. we eventually agreed that he would do all of the cooking to offset me doing all the cleaning and a majority of the stuff with the kids. it's not that i never cook, i will on nights my husband has to work late or if he's not feeling well. but most of the time, he is cooking.
for christmas, my husband and i don’t typically do presents. we save the money to either vacation (in non-covid times) or to do repairs that we need around the house. this year was no different. i did end up getting him a toolbox because he desperately needed a new one. he got me something too and i wasn’t expecting anything big…but he got me a cookbook. i don’t cook anymore. it felt a little pointed. i pretended to love it as he went on and on about how it’s been advertised on the news and is great.
it’s been nearly a month since christmas and the cookbook has gone unused by me. i got a notification that my favorite author just put out a new book. i asked my husband for the receipt so i could exchange the cookbook. he was hurt. i asked him why he’d get this for me when i don’t cook. he said he hoped it’d “inspire” me. i asked if he was going to then pick up the slack elsewhere and he said no. i said, so basically, we go back to me doing everything when i work more? he stammered over his words. i told him that he could keep the cookbook but that i wasn’t going to add anything to my to do list. the next day, the book and a receipt was on my nightstand. we haven’t spoken since.
am i being an ass?
| 5,556 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l2cy9o/aita_for_wanting_to_return_a_cookbook_that_my/
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2021-01-22 01:33:38
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nta. he’s being a chauvinist, and a lazy one at that. yikes.
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nta - sounds like he’s finally realized how hard it is to do it all and wants you to step back into the roll of doing it so he doesn’t have to.
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nta - this was passive-aggressive at best. no point in keeping a book you won't use. if he's tired of cooking, but you're still doing more work - then it should be open to debate that he'll shift more to other responsibilities...but you going back to more cooking without re-division of labor, when your workload has not changed isn't a fair deal.
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nta. he needs to stop thinking the household is your job.
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nta. you do all other chores and most of the childcare? he is ta for that alone. whatever made you agree to such an inequitable deal? now he's giving you the silent treatment because he wanted you to take over his one chore and you naturally refused. i feel so bad for you.
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nta.
i mean... you kinda are. but his intentions give him the official title. the discussion about the cookbook seals the deal, too - he literally wanted to shove more chores off on you in exchange for nothing at all, and reap the benefits without paying in.
good on you for shutting that down.
go ahead and let the man sulk for a few days if he needs to, it's okay to be unhappy when a plan doesn't pan out. it is human nature to want what we can't have. but don't allow him to carry on a chip on his shoulder for you about this, as that is a bad omen for the future and also immature.
sometimes we need to be an a to keep our boundaries in healthy conditions. you do you, op.
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info: which cookbook did he get you? it would be completely different judgements from me if he got you a betty crocker vs. something like a kenji cookbook, for example. betty crocker would be sending the message that you need to make him a sammich, but maybe he got caught up in the hype of an exciting cookbook and misses your cooking.
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nta. the people saying your husband didn't intend to pressure you with this gift are kind and generous souls, but i think that "inspire" comment of his makes it pretty clear he knew what he was doing. if it were really that inspiring, you'd think he'd have tried it out or taken you up on the suggestion to keep it for himself. at the very least, he could've offered to handle the exchange for you, instead of adding *that* to your to-do list.
that said, you're going to have to talk sometime. and it might not hurt to start with whether he's feeling down or guilty about not contributing in the ways that he *wants* to be contributing to the household.
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nta- this isn’t a communication error, you are doing like 70% of the work and he wants to give you an additional 25%.
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nta. your husband knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on. i imagine if he just apologized for the crappy gift and acknowledged why he was wrong, that would go a long way. but that's on him to do; you don't have anything to apologize for.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when my husband and i first got married, i did most of the cooking. i was also working less hours. then we had kids and i was a stay-at-home mom, so it just made sense. however, once our kids reached elementary age, i re-entered the workforce. this time, my workload doubled. i tried at first to cook every night, prep in advance, etc. but at the end of the day, i was exhausted. i shared this with my husband and he agreed to help with the cooking and we began to split it. as our kids got older and my workload increased, my husband’s decreased. his field has taken a nose dive and he works a lot less hours than he used to. we’ve been fine financially because of my workload. we eventually agreed that he would do all of the cooking to offset me doing all the cleaning and a majority of the stuff with the kids. it's not that i never cook, i will on nights my husband has to work late or if he's not feeling well. but most of the time, he is cooking. for christmas, my husband and i don’t typically do presents. we save the money to either vacation (in non-covid times) or to do repairs that we need around the house. this year was no different. i did end up getting him a toolbox because he desperately needed a new one. he got me something too and i wasn’t expecting anything big…but he got me a cookbook. i don’t cook anymore. it felt a little pointed. i pretended to love it as he went on and on about how it’s been advertised on the news and is great. it’s been nearly a month since christmas and the cookbook has gone unused by me. i got a notification that my favorite author just put out a new book. i asked my husband for the receipt so i could exchange the cookbook. he was hurt. i asked him why he’d get this for me when i don’t cook. he said he hoped it’d “inspire” me. i asked if he was going to then pick up the slack elsewhere and he said no. i said, so basically, we go back to me doing everything when i work more? he stammered over his words. i told him that he could keep the cookbook but that i wasn’t going to add anything to my to do list. the next day, the book and a receipt was on my nightstand. we haven’t spoken since. am i being an ass?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
when my husband and i first got married, i did most of the cooking. i was also working less hours. then we had kids and i was a stay-at-home mom, so it just made sense. however, once our kids reached elementary age, i re-entered the workforce. this time, my workload doubled. i tried at first to cook every night, prep in advance, etc. but at the end of the day, i was exhausted. i shared this with my husband and he agreed to help with the cooking and we began to split it. as our kids got older and my workload increased, my husband’s decreased. his field has taken a nose dive and he works a lot less hours than he used to. we’ve been fine financially because of my workload. we eventually agreed that he would do all of the cooking to offset me doing all the cleaning and a majority of the stuff with the kids. it's not that i never cook, i will on nights my husband has to work late or if he's not feeling well. but most of the time, he is cooking. for christmas, my husband and i don’t typically do presents. we save the money to either vacation (in non-covid times) or to do repairs that we need around the house. this year was no different. i did end up getting him a toolbox because he desperately needed a new one. he got me something too and i wasn’t expecting anything big…but he got me a cookbook. i don’t cook anymore. it felt a little pointed. i pretended to love it as he went on and on about how it’s been advertised on the news and is great. it’s been nearly a month since christmas and the cookbook has gone unused by me. i got a notification that my favorite author just put out a new book. i asked my husband for the receipt so i could exchange the cookbook. he was hurt. i asked him why he’d get this for me when i don’t cook. he said he hoped it’d “inspire” me. i asked if he was going to then pick up the slack elsewhere and he said no. i said, so basically, we go back to me doing everything when i work more? he stammered over his words. i told him that he could keep the cookbook but that i wasn’t going to add anything to my to do list. the next day, the book and a receipt was on my nightstand. we haven’t spoken since. am i being an ass? [/INST] nta. he’s being a chauvinist, and a lazy one at that. yikes. </s>
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AITA for firing my friend and ending our friendship?
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hi everyone,
i (28f) opened a business in jan 2021. in oct 2020 i began my hiring and hired this guy brad (31m). we clicked really well and his resume was impressive. in dec i got a weird call from brad. now, brad is gay, and it seemed like he was in crisis, so i went over to his house with another gay friend jake (34m) because i didn't know brad well and wasn't comfortable going by myself. turns out brad is an alcoholic. over the next few months brad, jake, and i all got pretty close. we hung out all the time after work, and of course i saw brad a lot at work.
in march brad's alcoholism had gotten so bad that he was drinking on the job. we got into a spat over his alcoholism and i ended up firing him because he refused to work on himself and was spiraling out of control. he was to the point where he tried to detox one day and had a seizure, fell and hit his head, and woke up in the hospital totally disoriented. we also didn't speak for quite a while, although jake and brad remained friends.
jake reached out to me about 2 months ago and said brad was admitted to inpatient detox and needed someone to watch his cat (who i gave him) and jake was going to a wedding 15 hours away and asked if i could watch the cat. i did, and this ended up with brad and i talking again.
brad has been working on his alcoholism a lot more since then, so i hired him on in a much reduced capacity, basically as an extra. i really care about brad and i want him to succeed, and i thought this could be a step in the right direction.
this past week brad fell off the wagon again. when neither jake nor i had heard from him for over 24 hrs we got concerned, and i drove over to check on him. brad got angry and said he didn't answer the phone for a reason, so i left. he immediately called and left a voicemail to apologize for being an ass and asking me to come back.
honestly i'm over it at this point. i have given brad so many chances and he does this all the time. he gets really angry and really mean and then expects you to just forgive, forget, and move on, and i didn't want to do that this time. we ended up having another fight because of how disrespectful he was being towards me, and i ended our friendship and his employment. for the record, out of the 7 shifts brad has had since getting rehired he worked 2, drank at work for 2, and skipped 3.
aita? i worry i am because i'm autistic and it's hard for me to navigate relationships sometimes, but i feel like he shouldn't be allowed to treat others the way he does and expect everything to be ok.
| 385 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pw5qad/aita_for_firing_my_friend_and_ending_our/
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2021-09-27 00:19:07
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nta. you tried to support him beyond what most friends would do, but you can’t let him hurt your business. you’re a good friend for trying to tough it out, but he needs to sort out his alcoholism before you can comfortably bring him back into your business.
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hey, your autism is not clouding any of your judgement, you're acting very clearly and decisively. you absolutely made the right decision.
nta
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nta. brad can’t expect to hold down a job unless he gets his drinking under control. it sucks you lost a friendship, but i think it was for the best.
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nta - you need to be a responsible business owner and that means holding your workers accountable to not being drunk at work. would you have allowed that sort of behavior if it had been from someone you don't consider a friend?
i would hope not. yes, brad needs help, but he needs to want to get his life together first and you can not risk your livelihood by having someone at your work being careless about their tasks because they are drunk.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi everyone, i (28f) opened a business in jan 2021. in oct 2020 i began my hiring and hired this guy brad (31m). we clicked really well and his resume was impressive. in dec i got a weird call from brad. now, brad is gay, and it seemed like he was in crisis, so i went over to his house with another gay friend jake (34m) because i didn't know brad well and wasn't comfortable going by myself. turns out brad is an alcoholic. over the next few months brad, jake, and i all got pretty close. we hung out all the time after work, and of course i saw brad a lot at work. in march brad's alcoholism had gotten so bad that he was drinking on the job. we got into a spat over his alcoholism and i ended up firing him because he refused to work on himself and was spiraling out of control. he was to the point where he tried to detox one day and had a seizure, fell and hit his head, and woke up in the hospital totally disoriented. we also didn't speak for quite a while, although jake and brad remained friends. jake reached out to me about 2 months ago and said brad was admitted to inpatient detox and needed someone to watch his cat (who i gave him) and jake was going to a wedding 15 hours away and asked if i could watch the cat. i did, and this ended up with brad and i talking again. brad has been working on his alcoholism a lot more since then, so i hired him on in a much reduced capacity, basically as an extra. i really care about brad and i want him to succeed, and i thought this could be a step in the right direction. this past week brad fell off the wagon again. when neither jake nor i had heard from him for over 24 hrs we got concerned, and i drove over to check on him. brad got angry and said he didn't answer the phone for a reason, so i left. he immediately called and left a voicemail to apologize for being an ass and asking me to come back. honestly i'm over it at this point. i have given brad so many chances and he does this all the time. he gets really angry and really mean and then expects you to just forgive, forget, and move on, and i didn't want to do that this time. we ended up having another fight because of how disrespectful he was being towards me, and i ended our friendship and his employment. for the record, out of the 7 shifts brad has had since getting rehired he worked 2, drank at work for 2, and skipped 3. aita? i worry i am because i'm autistic and it's hard for me to navigate relationships sometimes, but i feel like he shouldn't be allowed to treat others the way he does and expect everything to be ok.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi everyone, i (28f) opened a business in jan 2021. in oct 2020 i began my hiring and hired this guy brad (31m). we clicked really well and his resume was impressive. in dec i got a weird call from brad. now, brad is gay, and it seemed like he was in crisis, so i went over to his house with another gay friend jake (34m) because i didn't know brad well and wasn't comfortable going by myself. turns out brad is an alcoholic. over the next few months brad, jake, and i all got pretty close. we hung out all the time after work, and of course i saw brad a lot at work. in march brad's alcoholism had gotten so bad that he was drinking on the job. we got into a spat over his alcoholism and i ended up firing him because he refused to work on himself and was spiraling out of control. he was to the point where he tried to detox one day and had a seizure, fell and hit his head, and woke up in the hospital totally disoriented. we also didn't speak for quite a while, although jake and brad remained friends. jake reached out to me about 2 months ago and said brad was admitted to inpatient detox and needed someone to watch his cat (who i gave him) and jake was going to a wedding 15 hours away and asked if i could watch the cat. i did, and this ended up with brad and i talking again. brad has been working on his alcoholism a lot more since then, so i hired him on in a much reduced capacity, basically as an extra. i really care about brad and i want him to succeed, and i thought this could be a step in the right direction. this past week brad fell off the wagon again. when neither jake nor i had heard from him for over 24 hrs we got concerned, and i drove over to check on him. brad got angry and said he didn't answer the phone for a reason, so i left. he immediately called and left a voicemail to apologize for being an ass and asking me to come back. honestly i'm over it at this point. i have given brad so many chances and he does this all the time. he gets really angry and really mean and then expects you to just forgive, forget, and move on, and i didn't want to do that this time. we ended up having another fight because of how disrespectful he was being towards me, and i ended our friendship and his employment. for the record, out of the 7 shifts brad has had since getting rehired he worked 2, drank at work for 2, and skipped 3. aita? i worry i am because i'm autistic and it's hard for me to navigate relationships sometimes, but i feel like he shouldn't be allowed to treat others the way he does and expect everything to be ok. [/INST] nta. you tried to support him beyond what most friends would do, but you can’t let him hurt your business. you’re a good friend for trying to tough it out, but he needs to sort out his alcoholism before you can comfortably bring him back into your business. </s>
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AITA for wanting to help our neighbour?
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hi all,
what i thought was a trivial conversation has now become an epic fight and i'm need of some clarity.
for context: we (my partner and i)have recently moved to a house in a new area, quiet neighbourhood with lots of families and elderly. our direct neighbour, with who we share a wall and we have a confining gardens, hasn't cut the grass it what looks like years. let's call him jerry.
since the day we have moved in, our other neighbours have been coming up to us to chat about the neighbour jerry's "wild" garden. we've learnt through the gossip that jerry has been reported to the council a number of times and that the whole area doesn't like him much.
jerry's garden is front and back and confines with our property but could also potentially become a safe pathway for rodents from the park down the hill up to the estate. (at least this is what i understand to be everyone's concern)
as a person, i like making my own mind about stuff, so we introduced ourselves to jerry and upon doing so we discovered that he's had covid twice in the last year and is now suffering with long covid symptoms.
now, i'm thinking if he has long covid symptoms i can understand that he might not have the strength to deal with his garden.
so, i told my partner that i'd be up for offering him my help and to cut his garden.
-all neighbours are happy
-garden is cut
-no more tension
-rodents stay clear
now, my partner disagreed, he didn't want to do it and didn't think it was a good idea. that jerry might get offended and it's not my job etc. etc.
i replied by saying that i was happy to do it on my own and this is apparently where i'm the asshole.
my partner says he wouldn't let me do it on my own and he would have to get involved and that's why i'm an asshole because if i do it he will have to do something even though he disagrees.
this point above pissed me off beyond belief because fuck gender stereotypes i can take care of a garden myself and no one has to help me, i'm not his responsibility - if i want to do something it is my right to do so. even if an unwise decision. so this just stank of sexism/infatilism etc
also my partner said that if our neighbour jerry gets pissed off at my offer he will have to deal with the conseguences of it too.
why this doesn't make sense to me is because where i'm from (we're both uk citizens, but i was brought up elsewhere) offering to help a neighbour is normality and not something anyone would get offended by.
i know how stupid all of this sounds but it's now two days we haven't really said a word to each other.
am i the asshole?
| 192 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qddwxk/aita_for_wanting_to_help_our_neighbour/
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2021-10-22 10:22:19
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nta - you’ve not forced yourself into jerry’s garden to cut his grass without his permission. you understand that jerry made not react in the best way to your offer but you’re still willing to extend the offer to help someone who may be struggling to do their day to day tasks.
your partner is angry at you because it “means he has to get involved”? so either he’s angry because he’s too lazy to help a neighbour in need or because he doesn’t think you have the capability to do it on your own? he really needs to take a look at himself
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nta, the world needs more people willing to help out their neighbors. i will say it would probably be best to maybe get to know your neighbor a bit better before offering just because men tend to be sensitive & it could hurt his pride.
can i also say that your partner & other neighbors are ah. this guy had covid twice & now has long covid. the others neighbors could t find it in themselves to help & instead just report the guy. that’s a really crappy thing to do.
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nta a million times over.
my neighbor used to stealth mow my lawn. i was pregnant and in/ recovering from an abusive marriage. what those neighbors did for me is indescribable. i felt seen and cared for at a time when i otherwise felt anything but.
you have a heart of true charity. don't let other people take that from you. as long as your neighbor is okay with it, it's no one else's business what you do with your time and energy.
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not american here, but i'd say nta . what you might consider if you don't want to step on any toes, you could first just kindly offer to help out in general (like: is there anything i can do for you?) to jerry, because of his long covid symptoms. maybe have him over for coffee and such, before specifically offering him to help out with his garden. if there have been some kind exchanges first, he won't immediately assume you're only offering because you dislike his garden this way.
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nta
&#x200b;
"my partner says he wouldn't let me do it on my own and he would have to get involved" - it would have been reasonable to demand you take full reponsibility and make it so it does not involve him.
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nta. your partner sounds like a real piece of work. he doesn’t need to do any garden trimming if he doesn’t want to. there’s no one forcing him into it.
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nta. it would be very kind of you to offer. sounds like your partner doesn’t want to help and is just being lazy.
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nta
he is the asshole for saying he's gonna have to do something. i mean, why can you simply go do something? also why don't you just tell him
"ok don't do it baby" then you go do it later? he thinks he has to help you which i find offensive too.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi all, what i thought was a trivial conversation has now become an epic fight and i'm need of some clarity. for context: we (my partner and i)have recently moved to a house in a new area, quiet neighbourhood with lots of families and elderly. our direct neighbour, with who we share a wall and we have a confining gardens, hasn't cut the grass it what looks like years. let's call him jerry. since the day we have moved in, our other neighbours have been coming up to us to chat about the neighbour jerry's "wild" garden. we've learnt through the gossip that jerry has been reported to the council a number of times and that the whole area doesn't like him much. jerry's garden is front and back and confines with our property but could also potentially become a safe pathway for rodents from the park down the hill up to the estate. (at least this is what i understand to be everyone's concern) as a person, i like making my own mind about stuff, so we introduced ourselves to jerry and upon doing so we discovered that he's had covid twice in the last year and is now suffering with long covid symptoms. now, i'm thinking if he has long covid symptoms i can understand that he might not have the strength to deal with his garden. so, i told my partner that i'd be up for offering him my help and to cut his garden. -all neighbours are happy -garden is cut -no more tension -rodents stay clear now, my partner disagreed, he didn't want to do it and didn't think it was a good idea. that jerry might get offended and it's not my job etc. etc. i replied by saying that i was happy to do it on my own and this is apparently where i'm the asshole. my partner says he wouldn't let me do it on my own and he would have to get involved and that's why i'm an asshole because if i do it he will have to do something even though he disagrees. this point above pissed me off beyond belief because fuck gender stereotypes i can take care of a garden myself and no one has to help me, i'm not his responsibility - if i want to do something it is my right to do so. even if an unwise decision. so this just stank of sexism/infatilism etc also my partner said that if our neighbour jerry gets pissed off at my offer he will have to deal with the conseguences of it too. why this doesn't make sense to me is because where i'm from (we're both uk citizens, but i was brought up elsewhere) offering to help a neighbour is normality and not something anyone would get offended by. i know how stupid all of this sounds but it's now two days we haven't really said a word to each other. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi all, what i thought was a trivial conversation has now become an epic fight and i'm need of some clarity. for context: we (my partner and i)have recently moved to a house in a new area, quiet neighbourhood with lots of families and elderly. our direct neighbour, with who we share a wall and we have a confining gardens, hasn't cut the grass it what looks like years. let's call him jerry. since the day we have moved in, our other neighbours have been coming up to us to chat about the neighbour jerry's "wild" garden. we've learnt through the gossip that jerry has been reported to the council a number of times and that the whole area doesn't like him much. jerry's garden is front and back and confines with our property but could also potentially become a safe pathway for rodents from the park down the hill up to the estate. (at least this is what i understand to be everyone's concern) as a person, i like making my own mind about stuff, so we introduced ourselves to jerry and upon doing so we discovered that he's had covid twice in the last year and is now suffering with long covid symptoms. now, i'm thinking if he has long covid symptoms i can understand that he might not have the strength to deal with his garden. so, i told my partner that i'd be up for offering him my help and to cut his garden. -all neighbours are happy -garden is cut -no more tension -rodents stay clear now, my partner disagreed, he didn't want to do it and didn't think it was a good idea. that jerry might get offended and it's not my job etc. etc. i replied by saying that i was happy to do it on my own and this is apparently where i'm the asshole. my partner says he wouldn't let me do it on my own and he would have to get involved and that's why i'm an asshole because if i do it he will have to do something even though he disagrees. this point above pissed me off beyond belief because fuck gender stereotypes i can take care of a garden myself and no one has to help me, i'm not his responsibility - if i want to do something it is my right to do so. even if an unwise decision. so this just stank of sexism/infatilism etc also my partner said that if our neighbour jerry gets pissed off at my offer he will have to deal with the conseguences of it too. why this doesn't make sense to me is because where i'm from (we're both uk citizens, but i was brought up elsewhere) offering to help a neighbour is normality and not something anyone would get offended by. i know how stupid all of this sounds but it's now two days we haven't really said a word to each other. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta - you’ve not forced yourself into jerry’s garden to cut his grass without his permission. you understand that jerry made not react in the best way to your offer but you’re still willing to extend the offer to help someone who may be struggling to do their day to day tasks. your partner is angry at you because it “means he has to get involved”? so either he’s angry because he’s too lazy to help a neighbour in need or because he doesn’t think you have the capability to do it on your own? he really needs to take a look at himself </s>
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WIBTA for showing my little sister graphic pictures and articles of people who had died as a result of someone's compromised driving?
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i have a little sister that i am teaching how to drive. she is 15 and i am 30. we always go out for coffee and i ordered a non alcoholic eggnog frap. she asked me if it had rum in it and i said no i would not be driving at all if it did. she then said "well, a little wouldn't matter right?" i reiterated that driving tipsy even after one drink could impair thought processes and i want to keep people alive. we moved on and later we were practicing driving around. she took a turn too fast. thankfully nothing happened but there was an adrenaline rush. i told her next time to slow down because you never know if there is a little kid around waiting to run into the road. she then goes on about how there wasn't any kids around so it was ok. she was right. there were no children around but she seemed pretty flippant about the issue and over confident about her driving skills.
the next driving lesson we have will be going over the basics again. i want to add in some articles and pictures of people who have killed families via drunk driving and show her the real consequences of "just a little tipsy" and i am thinking about putting in a few articles and pictures of people who have accidentally killed children. a part of me thinks this is very harsh. i worry that it may make her want to stop driving. another part of me is saying that she hasn't had to suffer the consequences of someone's drunk driving and if she is driving she can't be naive about how her actions could affect others. driving is a privilege and i don't want to encourage over confidence. am i the asshole or would this be too hardcore?
| 533 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jycwba/wibta_for_showing_my_little_sister_graphic/
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2020-11-21 15:49:06
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nta, i think it's important that she take it seriously like you say. i just wouldn't do graphic photos. there's a website called accidental impacts that has stories of people who accidentally hurt or killed someone that you could also show her. it's crazy how it can affect your life.
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honestly, the big thing she needs to know about is phone use while driving - people massively underestimate how bad that is. the try guys actually did some videos where they drove while drunk, high, sleep deprived or on their phone - and they were all shocked by how bad their driving was when they were sleep deprived and when they were on their phone. we're told often about not drinking and driving, but people drive sleepy like they think it's safe, or they'll text (text!) while driving, and people die that way.
you can find those videos - they're fun, not traumatising, but they get the point across.
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in ireland we have quite graphic ads (after the 9pm watershed) to warn against dangerous/drink/drug driving that were effective at one time but maybe not anymore because we're so desensitised to that kind thing now. we also have a school programme for 15 years old and up with videos and interviews with real life victims and first responders of car accidents.
with all that in mind, i'm thinking nta. in my own opinion she's old enough to know the real life consequences of irresponsible driving and if it makes her more cautious on the road, all the better.
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nta. every kid should get freaked out by this a little, and if she’s old enough to be driving, and doing so recklessly, the sooner the better.
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nta. she would be reading those stories and perhaps seeing those images in any standard drivers' ed class.
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nta. that's basically the premise of the red asphalt series that was a staple in drivers ed in california for decades. one of my friends was in the last one or the penultimate, can't remember, discussing the impact of her loved one's death on everyone who loved him. i'd actually recommend finding one of the videos made for this purpose instead of assembling your own collection, as they spend more time on the long-term impacts of poor driving decisions and the family members have consented to have their loved one's death used as a learning tool.
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nta. when my mother was 17, she was run over by an irresponsible teenager with a driver's license who was going too fast and not paying enough attention. she survived, but she missed most of her senior year of high school because she was in the hospital and she has lifelong issues.
i fully support you making sure your sister understands the responsibility required to be a driver. her mistakes could quite literally change someone's life.
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'take every corner as if there's a brick wall around it. expect every other driver to be an idiot. don't underestimate the weather. treat alcohol like somebody's death sentence'.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a little sister that i am teaching how to drive. she is 15 and i am 30. we always go out for coffee and i ordered a non alcoholic eggnog frap. she asked me if it had rum in it and i said no i would not be driving at all if it did. she then said "well, a little wouldn't matter right?" i reiterated that driving tipsy even after one drink could impair thought processes and i want to keep people alive. we moved on and later we were practicing driving around. she took a turn too fast. thankfully nothing happened but there was an adrenaline rush. i told her next time to slow down because you never know if there is a little kid around waiting to run into the road. she then goes on about how there wasn't any kids around so it was ok. she was right. there were no children around but she seemed pretty flippant about the issue and over confident about her driving skills. the next driving lesson we have will be going over the basics again. i want to add in some articles and pictures of people who have killed families via drunk driving and show her the real consequences of "just a little tipsy" and i am thinking about putting in a few articles and pictures of people who have accidentally killed children. a part of me thinks this is very harsh. i worry that it may make her want to stop driving. another part of me is saying that she hasn't had to suffer the consequences of someone's drunk driving and if she is driving she can't be naive about how her actions could affect others. driving is a privilege and i don't want to encourage over confidence. am i the asshole or would this be too hardcore?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a little sister that i am teaching how to drive. she is 15 and i am 30. we always go out for coffee and i ordered a non alcoholic eggnog frap. she asked me if it had rum in it and i said no i would not be driving at all if it did. she then said "well, a little wouldn't matter right?" i reiterated that driving tipsy even after one drink could impair thought processes and i want to keep people alive. we moved on and later we were practicing driving around. she took a turn too fast. thankfully nothing happened but there was an adrenaline rush. i told her next time to slow down because you never know if there is a little kid around waiting to run into the road. she then goes on about how there wasn't any kids around so it was ok. she was right. there were no children around but she seemed pretty flippant about the issue and over confident about her driving skills. the next driving lesson we have will be going over the basics again. i want to add in some articles and pictures of people who have killed families via drunk driving and show her the real consequences of "just a little tipsy" and i am thinking about putting in a few articles and pictures of people who have accidentally killed children. a part of me thinks this is very harsh. i worry that it may make her want to stop driving. another part of me is saying that she hasn't had to suffer the consequences of someone's drunk driving and if she is driving she can't be naive about how her actions could affect others. driving is a privilege and i don't want to encourage over confidence. am i the asshole or would this be too hardcore? [/INST] nta, i think it's important that she take it seriously like you say. i just wouldn't do graphic photos. there's a website called accidental impacts that has stories of people who accidentally hurt or killed someone that you could also show her. it's crazy how it can affect your life. </s>
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AITA for telling my dad I was the one who didn't want his wife's kids at my birthday parties?
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so when my (15f) parents divorced my dad was pretty pissed with my mom. when he remarried he wanted me to accept his wife's kids as more siblings (i have a brother who is 8 years older than me). and part of that was he wanted me to include them in the birthday parties my mom threw for me at the time since he couldn't throw me or his stepkids any due to some issues that came up right before he remarried. i didn't want them there. i didn't consider them siblings like i consider my brother (i was 8 when my dad remarried and one stepsibling is two months younger than me while the other is two years younger). he would always ask my mom to invite them and i would ask her not to and so she never extended an invite to them. this was for maybe four years. my dad always blamed my mom and back before christmas my dad was going off on the reason the blended family doesn't feel like a family (his stepkids and i are not close, my brother has nothing to do with them and they aren't bonded with him and we aren't bonded with our dad's wife) is because we never got to have those fun experiences and it's all my moms fault. i told him it wasn't and it was actually me who didn't want them to be invited. i told him i didn't want to spend more time with them than i did at his house and to me they were not family then and honestly, he's right that we don't consider each other family. he asked me why i would do that and why i wouldn't want to give them more of a chance and how could i leave them out of the fun. he said the fact i still feel that way is an ah move. but the fact i would ever tell my mom i didn't want them to be invited was shitty.
there has been a lot of tension between us since. his wife asked if we should all do family therapy and he said since neither of his kids wants to make a better family dynamic they would just be wasting money and he hasn't argued against me staying mostly with my mom vs the 50/50 before.
aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ktq8vn/aita_for_telling_my_dad_i_was_the_one_who_didnt/
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2021-01-09 12:39:23
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nta, and i really don't see why he is so cross about this. you and your bro don't wanna be close, and they don't wanna be close either. none of that is inherently disrespectful. sounds like all the kids are happy enough just being civil but distant and he is causing problems forcing stuff that's not there.
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i'm glad you spoke up and corrected your dad's misunderstanding. he assumed he could blame your mother about this issue until you spoke up.
you simply told the truth. you are nta. re-married parents often long for the "one big happy family" , as if to undo the heartache caused their children by divorce, but it is most often an unrealized fantasy.
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nta
your father is an ah though.
trying to force new siblings on a kid so he can play happy family? ah
expecting ex wife to accommodate new wife's offspring at parties because he for whatever reason won't throw his own? ah
you did nothing wrong and neither did your mother for having your back in this.
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nta civil but distant relationship is fine for all the kids. i assume your dad is using birthday party as one example? because if he thinks a fun event once a year builds relationships, he has no idea how relationships work
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>my dad always blamed my mom and back before christmas my dad was going off on the reason the blended family doesn't feel like a family (his stepkids and i are not close, my brother has nothing to do with them and they aren't bonded with him and we aren't bonded with our dad's wife) is because we never got to have those fun experiences and it's all my moms fault.
wow. is your dad so fucking lazy that he expected his ex-wife to do the emotional labor of building family ties for his new family? damn.
nta
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nta it isn't your mother job to facilitate a relationship with your step siblings. that is your father's responsibility. if he wanted them there he needed to throw you a party. if he didnt have the funds he could have done something cheap and tried to make it fun. info why did he never throw bdays, why was this soley your mother's responsibility?
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nta. you had every right to have family time with your own family, without step-siblings. if he wanted a close relationship for the blended family, it was on him to foster that, not your mom.
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i'm confused as to why the dad wasn't allowed to throw parties for his kid or step kids? hmmm.
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i think it would be a bit weird for your mom to invite her ex husband’s step kids to events. i’ve never heard of anyone doing that.
nta
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nta - you were a child and if having them at your party made you feel awkward, you shouldn't be put in that situation. the onus is on your dad and his wife - they could have done a family party for your with your step siblings. your dad doesn't even want to attempt therapy. sounds like a guy who just wants to take the easy way out - complain and be bitter.
surround yourself with people who are positive.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so when my (15f) parents divorced my dad was pretty pissed with my mom. when he remarried he wanted me to accept his wife's kids as more siblings (i have a brother who is 8 years older than me). and part of that was he wanted me to include them in the birthday parties my mom threw for me at the time since he couldn't throw me or his stepkids any due to some issues that came up right before he remarried. i didn't want them there. i didn't consider them siblings like i consider my brother (i was 8 when my dad remarried and one stepsibling is two months younger than me while the other is two years younger). he would always ask my mom to invite them and i would ask her not to and so she never extended an invite to them. this was for maybe four years. my dad always blamed my mom and back before christmas my dad was going off on the reason the blended family doesn't feel like a family (his stepkids and i are not close, my brother has nothing to do with them and they aren't bonded with him and we aren't bonded with our dad's wife) is because we never got to have those fun experiences and it's all my moms fault. i told him it wasn't and it was actually me who didn't want them to be invited. i told him i didn't want to spend more time with them than i did at his house and to me they were not family then and honestly, he's right that we don't consider each other family. he asked me why i would do that and why i wouldn't want to give them more of a chance and how could i leave them out of the fun. he said the fact i still feel that way is an ah move. but the fact i would ever tell my mom i didn't want them to be invited was shitty. there has been a lot of tension between us since. his wife asked if we should all do family therapy and he said since neither of his kids wants to make a better family dynamic they would just be wasting money and he hasn't argued against me staying mostly with my mom vs the 50/50 before. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so when my (15f) parents divorced my dad was pretty pissed with my mom. when he remarried he wanted me to accept his wife's kids as more siblings (i have a brother who is 8 years older than me). and part of that was he wanted me to include them in the birthday parties my mom threw for me at the time since he couldn't throw me or his stepkids any due to some issues that came up right before he remarried. i didn't want them there. i didn't consider them siblings like i consider my brother (i was 8 when my dad remarried and one stepsibling is two months younger than me while the other is two years younger). he would always ask my mom to invite them and i would ask her not to and so she never extended an invite to them. this was for maybe four years. my dad always blamed my mom and back before christmas my dad was going off on the reason the blended family doesn't feel like a family (his stepkids and i are not close, my brother has nothing to do with them and they aren't bonded with him and we aren't bonded with our dad's wife) is because we never got to have those fun experiences and it's all my moms fault. i told him it wasn't and it was actually me who didn't want them to be invited. i told him i didn't want to spend more time with them than i did at his house and to me they were not family then and honestly, he's right that we don't consider each other family. he asked me why i would do that and why i wouldn't want to give them more of a chance and how could i leave them out of the fun. he said the fact i still feel that way is an ah move. but the fact i would ever tell my mom i didn't want them to be invited was shitty. there has been a lot of tension between us since. his wife asked if we should all do family therapy and he said since neither of his kids wants to make a better family dynamic they would just be wasting money and he hasn't argued against me staying mostly with my mom vs the 50/50 before. aita? [/INST] nta, and i really don't see why he is so cross about this. you and your bro don't wanna be close, and they don't wanna be close either. none of that is inherently disrespectful. sounds like all the kids are happy enough just being civil but distant and he is causing problems forcing stuff that's not there. </s>
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AITA for bringing my own groceries on a weekend bike trip and not wanting to pay for the other group members food?
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i was invited along to a mountain bike trip this past weekend by a cousin of mine. my cousin's friend mark invited my cousin, and they had an extra spot, so my cousin invited me up. we stayed at an airbnb for 2 nights and split it 6 ways (there were 6 of us). on the friday i headed up there, i stopped for groceries and bought breakfast foods and beer for myself, and a bunch of nacho supplies to make a few rounds of nachos for the group.
&#x200b;
one of the other guys, tom, bought some groceries that friday after we had all met at the cabin. he bought breakfast stuff, beer, and other snacks for the other guys since they didn't come with anything. i told him i did not need anything at the store since i had brought all of my own stuff, and i stayed at the cabin while they grocery shopped.
&#x200b;
come yesterday evening, and tom is asking me for $35 for the groceries that he bought. i don't even know how he came up with this number, this would mean that he spent $210 ($35 x 6) on groceries, which i have a hard time believing since he really did not buy that much food. i kindly explained to him that i bought my own food, and also made a bunch of nachos for the group, so i didn't think it was fair that i had to pay for anything. he doesn't answer me at all, and then gets mark involved because mark was originally the one who invited my cousin, who invited me. mark asks me to just pay tom because mark thinks it is his responsibility since he in effect invited me on the trip.
&#x200b;
in the interest of not being a pain in the ass (and i really liked all these guys that i met, i want to see them again in the future), i paid tom the $35 anyway. so now i am out $85 including the money i spent on my own groceries. i never asked any of these guys to pay me for the $30 i spent on all of the nacho stuff. also tom has yet to thank me for paying him the $35 for nothing.
&#x200b;
am i the asshole here for putting up this argument to begin with? should i have held my ground?
| 3,180 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pfw8aa/aita_for_bringing_my_own_groceries_on_a_weekend/
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2021-09-01 15:29:05
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nta
your cousin should have let you know what the usual protocol is and if your cousin didn't know, then it was mark's responsibility. i guess if you want to be invited again, the $35 isn't too much to ask but i kinda doubt they'll ask you again. that sucks because it wasn't your fault.
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nta: my guess mark is the ah here. seeing that no one else bought food it was probably your plan all along for tom to buy the food and everyone chip in. but mark didn't tell you that
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info: was there any discussion prior to the trip about how food would be handled?
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honestly some time i feel like i live in a different world then this sub. going on a trip like this the most obvious assumption in the world is that we all chip in on groceries. like that’s the most normal thing lol. would be super weird for everyone to bring thier own thing.
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it's not your responsibility to chip in for groceries if you aren't eating any of it, nor is it ok for them to demand you pay when you bought your own groceries. nta
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nta but i honestly wouldn't have paid him the money
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nta. it's super weird that they are trying to charge you for groceries you aren't going to consume. i would not have paid.
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every camping trip i've ever taken either with friends or just family. unless we're staying in separate cottages. we always go in together on the food. things like floats, folding chairs, swimsuits are purchased on our own, as they can be reused. in 35 years of this never did anyone bring their own separate food. do you plan on cooking separately, or at different times?
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nta and you should have stood your ground. mark should have paid your share if it was so important to him.
and next time (since you enjoyed their company) tell them in advance not to expect any grocery money from you, you'll provide your own at a much lower cost.
&#x200b;
did he even provide a receipt? i think you got scammed.
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nta, because you ended up paying and he shouldn't have insisted.
*however*: buying your own groceries beforehand on a trip like that? who does that? still, not enough to make you ta.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was invited along to a mountain bike trip this past weekend by a cousin of mine. my cousin's friend mark invited my cousin, and they had an extra spot, so my cousin invited me up. we stayed at an airbnb for 2 nights and split it 6 ways (there were 6 of us). on the friday i headed up there, i stopped for groceries and bought breakfast foods and beer for myself, and a bunch of nacho supplies to make a few rounds of nachos for the group. &#x200b; one of the other guys, tom, bought some groceries that friday after we had all met at the cabin. he bought breakfast stuff, beer, and other snacks for the other guys since they didn't come with anything. i told him i did not need anything at the store since i had brought all of my own stuff, and i stayed at the cabin while they grocery shopped. &#x200b; come yesterday evening, and tom is asking me for $35 for the groceries that he bought. i don't even know how he came up with this number, this would mean that he spent $210 ($35 x 6) on groceries, which i have a hard time believing since he really did not buy that much food. i kindly explained to him that i bought my own food, and also made a bunch of nachos for the group, so i didn't think it was fair that i had to pay for anything. he doesn't answer me at all, and then gets mark involved because mark was originally the one who invited my cousin, who invited me. mark asks me to just pay tom because mark thinks it is his responsibility since he in effect invited me on the trip. &#x200b; in the interest of not being a pain in the ass (and i really liked all these guys that i met, i want to see them again in the future), i paid tom the $35 anyway. so now i am out $85 including the money i spent on my own groceries. i never asked any of these guys to pay me for the $30 i spent on all of the nacho stuff. also tom has yet to thank me for paying him the $35 for nothing. &#x200b; am i the asshole here for putting up this argument to begin with? should i have held my ground?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was invited along to a mountain bike trip this past weekend by a cousin of mine. my cousin's friend mark invited my cousin, and they had an extra spot, so my cousin invited me up. we stayed at an airbnb for 2 nights and split it 6 ways (there were 6 of us). on the friday i headed up there, i stopped for groceries and bought breakfast foods and beer for myself, and a bunch of nacho supplies to make a few rounds of nachos for the group. &#x200b; one of the other guys, tom, bought some groceries that friday after we had all met at the cabin. he bought breakfast stuff, beer, and other snacks for the other guys since they didn't come with anything. i told him i did not need anything at the store since i had brought all of my own stuff, and i stayed at the cabin while they grocery shopped. &#x200b; come yesterday evening, and tom is asking me for $35 for the groceries that he bought. i don't even know how he came up with this number, this would mean that he spent $210 ($35 x 6) on groceries, which i have a hard time believing since he really did not buy that much food. i kindly explained to him that i bought my own food, and also made a bunch of nachos for the group, so i didn't think it was fair that i had to pay for anything. he doesn't answer me at all, and then gets mark involved because mark was originally the one who invited my cousin, who invited me. mark asks me to just pay tom because mark thinks it is his responsibility since he in effect invited me on the trip. &#x200b; in the interest of not being a pain in the ass (and i really liked all these guys that i met, i want to see them again in the future), i paid tom the $35 anyway. so now i am out $85 including the money i spent on my own groceries. i never asked any of these guys to pay me for the $30 i spent on all of the nacho stuff. also tom has yet to thank me for paying him the $35 for nothing. &#x200b; am i the asshole here for putting up this argument to begin with? should i have held my ground? [/INST] nta your cousin should have let you know what the usual protocol is and if your cousin didn't know, then it was mark's responsibility. i guess if you want to be invited again, the $35 isn't too much to ask but i kinda doubt they'll ask you again. that sucks because it wasn't your fault. </s>
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AITA for prioritizing a nose job over my kids' college funds?
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i am 35 and have two daughters - 17 and 15. i got married too young to someone i barely knew because i was pregnant and worried about people judging me. the marriage predictably failed and i was 22 and divorced w/ 2 kids. we struggled for a few years until i graduated from school and met my husband (their step dad). my husband and i have been able to carve out a lower middle class life. we don't have a lot of fancy things but we own a home and we're not in debt, so i'm content. we're a happy family.
my husband, who fully accepts and treats the girls like his own, and i have felt guilt over the past few years that we don't have the money for the girls to do everything they want. my older daughter wanted to join cheerleading as a freshman, we couldn't afford the equipment. my younger daughter's class went to washington dc for their 8th grade graduation but we couldn't afford it. but we make sure they have everything they need (good clothes, new laptops for school, new phones, etc.) and that they don't ever feel the financial pressure that comes with being lower middle class in america.
one thing we've told both of our girls is that we simply don't have the money to hand them $50k/each for college. we just don't. we can provide them a free place to live (our home) and little things like maybe paying for books for a semester. but beyond that, we just don't have the money. we've just started saving for our retirement this year (in our late 30s) and even then it's very little.
so i've been insecure about my nose for years. it is straight from the profile but crooked/big from the front. i've never been able to find a surgeon who posts before/afters with pictures of noses like mine, so i saw it as a pipe dream. a few months ago i happened to be scrolling online when i came across a surgeon who has 5 or 6 before-afters of noses like mine and his work is phenomenal. it took my breath away. his reviews were very positive and i want a nose job from him so, so, so bad. i called for a price quote -- roughly $12k. it's super high but if we put $4k down and put the rest on carecredit on an 18 month payment plan, we could swing it.
i brought it up to my husband and he said "if it'll make you happy, i'm sure we could find $5k and make it happen" but when i told him the real price, he was immediately hesitant/sort of against it. he said it'll lead to resentment with the girls. i told my older daughter and she blew up about it, saying it was unfair and selfish and that we should take that money and use it for her college.
i've spent my entire life either as a kid/teen under my parent's control or as a young adult sacrificing to raise my kids. i want to do something for myself.
| 359 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lhdzau/aita_for_prioritizing_a_nose_job_over_my_kids/
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2021-02-11 05:38:10
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yta, but not because you want to do something for yourself. it just generally sounds like you feel like this is owed to you; you chose to have your kids. it sounds like you think you sacrificed so much for them and essentially wasted your young adult life to raise them. if you want to get a nose job, go ahead, but don’t justify it as the payoff for the cost of “sacrificing” your life for your kids.
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yta. this isn't just about college, and you know it.
> my older daughter wanted to join cheerleading as a freshman, we couldn't afford the equipment. my younger daughter's class went to washington dc for their 8th grade graduation but we couldn't afford it.
for *years*, you've asked your daughters to sacrifice things that would make them happy because you didn't have the money to spare. but when it's *your* happiness at issue, suddenly cost and timing are no object?
i'm not saying you're not allowed to spend anything on yourself, ever. but if i were you, i'd start with therapy. at least until the kids are officially out of the house and on their own.
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it's not just over their college funds, it's over everything - current activities for the family, retirements and college. i think ywbta to prioritize your nose over those things, particularly retirement fund.
edit to fix glaring typo.
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yta - “ or as a young adult sacrificing for my children”
that’s what it means to be a parent
your kids have barely been able to do any extra curricular they wanted or even go on field trips
and will have to throw themselves into debt to go to college
and your want to blow that much on a nose job?
yeah no
even without college
from your situation, there seems to be a lot more important things you can do with the $12k
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yta. you don’t tell your kids “no” to relatively small expenses like cheer and a dc trip (i know they aren’t small but in comparison) and then spend $12k on a nose job. you don’t spend $12k on a nose job when you’re barely saving anything for retirement.
i’m sorry your life has been hard, but that doesn’t mean you get to throw everyone else in the house’s priorities out the window for a plastic surgery that costs more than a decent used car.
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yta. it’s your money to spend as you & your husband wish. however, don’t expect your kids to be happy about your prioritizing your looks over their education. expect some resentment & blowback especially if you ever gave your kids the speech about how “what’s inside is more important than your looks”. they will tell this story to their college friends when they’re talking about parents & finances. this also seems like a very bad financial choice for someone who just started saving for their own retirement.
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holy shit yta. it'd be one thing if it's a medically necessary surgery. this is cause you're vain. that's 6k each per kid, and while it ain't much, that's 6k less loans.
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yta. if you can’t afford things for your children, and have just started saving for retirement, you should not be spending money on a nose job. i understand you hate your nose, but you shouldn’t do this until you can do it comfortably. your daughters futures shouldn’t suffer because of your nose
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yta. legally it's your money and you can do whatever you want with it. but if you can't afford to support your kids' activities or help pay for college or save for retirement, then this should be a low priority. as a family you should think about spending priorities for the whole family, not just yourself.
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personally i think yta because you say you feel guilt over not being able to provide more for them. & here’s your chance. you could put up 5,000 in the bank, let it gain interest and over 18 months put some up every month then split it for their college fund. but instead you’re taking all of that money and spending it on cosmetic surgery.
i know you want to feel good/look good. i also know what it’s like to have a child young & get into a bad marriage then have to sacrifice/ work all your life . but that’s what mommas do. you can make up for the missed school trip & not being able to afford the cheer team. you can show them “ hey i really want this but first i’m going to do what i can to give you a head start “ start adding “ surgery “ to your retirement fund too. skip out on something you buy for yourself (like weekly take out maybe (that would be mine) & put that 30 a week up in a fund for your nose. that way you aren’t getting something instead of them getting college help.
i know how it feels to hate the way you look and i’m sorry. i wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it took me 10 years to be happy with my appearance.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am 35 and have two daughters - 17 and 15. i got married too young to someone i barely knew because i was pregnant and worried about people judging me. the marriage predictably failed and i was 22 and divorced w/ 2 kids. we struggled for a few years until i graduated from school and met my husband (their step dad). my husband and i have been able to carve out a lower middle class life. we don't have a lot of fancy things but we own a home and we're not in debt, so i'm content. we're a happy family. my husband, who fully accepts and treats the girls like his own, and i have felt guilt over the past few years that we don't have the money for the girls to do everything they want. my older daughter wanted to join cheerleading as a freshman, we couldn't afford the equipment. my younger daughter's class went to washington dc for their 8th grade graduation but we couldn't afford it. but we make sure they have everything they need (good clothes, new laptops for school, new phones, etc.) and that they don't ever feel the financial pressure that comes with being lower middle class in america. one thing we've told both of our girls is that we simply don't have the money to hand them $50k/each for college. we just don't. we can provide them a free place to live (our home) and little things like maybe paying for books for a semester. but beyond that, we just don't have the money. we've just started saving for our retirement this year (in our late 30s) and even then it's very little. so i've been insecure about my nose for years. it is straight from the profile but crooked/big from the front. i've never been able to find a surgeon who posts before/afters with pictures of noses like mine, so i saw it as a pipe dream. a few months ago i happened to be scrolling online when i came across a surgeon who has 5 or 6 before-afters of noses like mine and his work is phenomenal. it took my breath away. his reviews were very positive and i want a nose job from him so, so, so bad. i called for a price quote -- roughly $12k. it's super high but if we put $4k down and put the rest on carecredit on an 18 month payment plan, we could swing it. i brought it up to my husband and he said "if it'll make you happy, i'm sure we could find $5k and make it happen" but when i told him the real price, he was immediately hesitant/sort of against it. he said it'll lead to resentment with the girls. i told my older daughter and she blew up about it, saying it was unfair and selfish and that we should take that money and use it for her college. i've spent my entire life either as a kid/teen under my parent's control or as a young adult sacrificing to raise my kids. i want to do something for myself.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am 35 and have two daughters - 17 and 15. i got married too young to someone i barely knew because i was pregnant and worried about people judging me. the marriage predictably failed and i was 22 and divorced w/ 2 kids. we struggled for a few years until i graduated from school and met my husband (their step dad). my husband and i have been able to carve out a lower middle class life. we don't have a lot of fancy things but we own a home and we're not in debt, so i'm content. we're a happy family. my husband, who fully accepts and treats the girls like his own, and i have felt guilt over the past few years that we don't have the money for the girls to do everything they want. my older daughter wanted to join cheerleading as a freshman, we couldn't afford the equipment. my younger daughter's class went to washington dc for their 8th grade graduation but we couldn't afford it. but we make sure they have everything they need (good clothes, new laptops for school, new phones, etc.) and that they don't ever feel the financial pressure that comes with being lower middle class in america. one thing we've told both of our girls is that we simply don't have the money to hand them $50k/each for college. we just don't. we can provide them a free place to live (our home) and little things like maybe paying for books for a semester. but beyond that, we just don't have the money. we've just started saving for our retirement this year (in our late 30s) and even then it's very little. so i've been insecure about my nose for years. it is straight from the profile but crooked/big from the front. i've never been able to find a surgeon who posts before/afters with pictures of noses like mine, so i saw it as a pipe dream. a few months ago i happened to be scrolling online when i came across a surgeon who has 5 or 6 before-afters of noses like mine and his work is phenomenal. it took my breath away. his reviews were very positive and i want a nose job from him so, so, so bad. i called for a price quote -- roughly $12k. it's super high but if we put $4k down and put the rest on carecredit on an 18 month payment plan, we could swing it. i brought it up to my husband and he said "if it'll make you happy, i'm sure we could find $5k and make it happen" but when i told him the real price, he was immediately hesitant/sort of against it. he said it'll lead to resentment with the girls. i told my older daughter and she blew up about it, saying it was unfair and selfish and that we should take that money and use it for her college. i've spent my entire life either as a kid/teen under my parent's control or as a young adult sacrificing to raise my kids. i want to do something for myself. [/INST] yta, but not because you want to do something for yourself. it just generally sounds like you feel like this is owed to you; you chose to have your kids. it sounds like you think you sacrificed so much for them and essentially wasted your young adult life to raise them. if you want to get a nose job, go ahead, but don’t justify it as the payoff for the cost of “sacrificing” your life for your kids. </s>
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WIBTA if I countermand my daughter’s mother?
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info: my (38m) daughter’s (16f) mother (37f) and i got married pretty young and split before our mid-20s.
she is spending the weekend at my house (it is my weekend). she asked me to have her friend (16f) over tonight to watch a movie in the living room. we are all very aware that this girl is more than a friend. i’ve just been trying to wait it out and let her tell me that.
the living room is a room that is very open and visible. when she asked, i told her i had to think about it and sent her inside. my ex and i talked briefly about it when she went inside. she called the relationship “a phase that she doesn’t want to encourage” and i said that when she is here, she is more than welcome to have friends over provided her homework is done and she’s not actively being punished for something by either of us. my ex asked me to please not go around her on this and reiterated that she just wants what’s best for our daughter. her dating a girl doesn’t make any difference to me and i think my ex might actually be okay if she wanted to have a boy over.
i have maybe an hour or two at the most before i have to let my daughter know if she can come over. wibta if i said yes, despite what my ex said?
*
| 1,971 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lj9eyy/wibta_if_i_countermand_my_daughters_mother/
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2021-02-13 21:13:00
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nta - never ta for *not* being an overly-controlling homophobic parent.
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nta. please let her have her girlfriend over.
it sounds like you only have her for the weekend and your ex has main custody. she is probably so exhausted living with her mother that isn't accepting. i am so glad atleast one parent will be supportive of her life decisions. go you. chances are she's bringing her friend with her as backup to have that talk with you. or if she's not ready she might just be testing out the waters, or she thinks you are clueless haha.
dont be that dad that your ex wants you to be. being the dad you are is a much better path.
and tell your ex to fuck off from me - and if she wants whats best for your daughter then being against her sexuality is not that.
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nta. generally, parents should be on the same page about big topics like dating but ... your ex is being homophobic, so exception granted. just make sure your daughter won't get in trouble with her mom.
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nta
>a phase that she doesn’t want to encourage
a 'phase' is pretty insulting and says it all, you're good dude
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nta, but you should consider how this is going to impact your co-parenting going forward. your ex could make your life - and your daughter's - very difficult.
but on the other hand, at the end, this is a friend coming over to watch a movie. your ex is effectively telling you that your daughter isn't allowed to have a friend come over for company, which is ridiculous.
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being gay (or bi) isn't a phase. your ex is going to have to deal with that at some point.
from you've written, it doesn't seem like you and your ex sat down and worked out an agreement on how to do this. she told you her position without a discussion and expects you to abide by that. that really isn't fair to your or your daughter. you are nta for allowing your daughter's friend to visit.
that said, you do need to sit down with your ex and work on a plan. it might be uncomfortable and you might not come to an agreement, but it is your responsibility as a father to try. when (if) your daughter does come out, she needs her parents to be united and you should try to make that happen.
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nta
your daughter will be thankful for you being accepting regardless of this being a 'phase' or not, i am bisexual and married to a man, i will be forever grateful for my mum allowing me to explore and be comfortable with my dating preferances in a safe way as a teen and this ultimately has made a brilliant relationship with my mum!!
allow the friend over deal with the ex another time, do what is best for your child, i would lay ground rules of staying in the living room purly because they are young.
eta although at 16 this is at your discretion i don't know if you are in the uk or us but your house your rules ultimately
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nta
your daughter is nearly an adult who is very capable of understanding her sexuality and who she wants to date.
its quite homophobic that your wife doesnt want to "encourage that" and "its just a phase"
shut that shit down asap
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nta. its fine just have the safe sex talk
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you’re nta.
honestly, it sounds like your ex is homophobic. your daughter is 16, i think she would know if it was “just a phase”.
please support your daughter, it’s hard enough being queer in the world without support of parents. at the end of the day, all that matters is that you have a good relationship with your daughter. i can tell you firsthand that i no longer speak to my mom at all but i still call my dad once a week and visit him regularly specifically because he doesn’t care that i’m queer and my mom is an asshole about it.
also, keep an eye on it. if your ex escalates her homophobic behavior, and you have the ability to do so, you might want to offer your daughter to come live with you or something. i know that’s not always possible, but it’s an option to look at if your ex doesn’t settle down.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: info: my (38m) daughter’s (16f) mother (37f) and i got married pretty young and split before our mid-20s. she is spending the weekend at my house (it is my weekend). she asked me to have her friend (16f) over tonight to watch a movie in the living room. we are all very aware that this girl is more than a friend. i’ve just been trying to wait it out and let her tell me that. the living room is a room that is very open and visible. when she asked, i told her i had to think about it and sent her inside. my ex and i talked briefly about it when she went inside. she called the relationship “a phase that she doesn’t want to encourage” and i said that when she is here, she is more than welcome to have friends over provided her homework is done and she’s not actively being punished for something by either of us. my ex asked me to please not go around her on this and reiterated that she just wants what’s best for our daughter. her dating a girl doesn’t make any difference to me and i think my ex might actually be okay if she wanted to have a boy over. i have maybe an hour or two at the most before i have to let my daughter know if she can come over. wibta if i said yes, despite what my ex said? *
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
info: my (38m) daughter’s (16f) mother (37f) and i got married pretty young and split before our mid-20s. she is spending the weekend at my house (it is my weekend). she asked me to have her friend (16f) over tonight to watch a movie in the living room. we are all very aware that this girl is more than a friend. i’ve just been trying to wait it out and let her tell me that. the living room is a room that is very open and visible. when she asked, i told her i had to think about it and sent her inside. my ex and i talked briefly about it when she went inside. she called the relationship “a phase that she doesn’t want to encourage” and i said that when she is here, she is more than welcome to have friends over provided her homework is done and she’s not actively being punished for something by either of us. my ex asked me to please not go around her on this and reiterated that she just wants what’s best for our daughter. her dating a girl doesn’t make any difference to me and i think my ex might actually be okay if she wanted to have a boy over. i have maybe an hour or two at the most before i have to let my daughter know if she can come over. wibta if i said yes, despite what my ex said? * [/INST] nta - never ta for *not* being an overly-controlling homophobic parent. </s>
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AITA FOR KICKING MY UNCLE OUT OF MY APARTMENT?
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i (m19) moved out of my mom's place a couple months back because i work & study from home. however - i didn't move far away from my mom for personal reasons. my family is close, we all live in the same area and my cousins and i all went to the same or similar schools. we eat at eachothers places regularly, i like this but it is a bit overwhelming. anyways - in recent months, my uncle (m51) has been coming to my place a lot more often, without notice most times and has overstayed his welcome a lot (like 7 to 8 hours a day) sometimes even the whole day, whilst i juggle work, school, responsibilities and personal life! i've told him to respect my time and my personal life - and have asked him to ask me before he rocks up at my place, i've also told him not to expect me to allow him to come in (access control) if he doesn't respect my rules. he comes, eats, connects to the wifi, cooks for himself only, smokes in my apartment, doesn't clean and doesn't ask if i need help with chores etc - about 2 days back, he comes to my place whilst i'm in the middle of a meeting with management with his friends, they bring alcohol and all that into my place, i really was at my wits end. at the end of my meeting - i told him to get out or i'll get the police, i was furious and he pulled the card : "i'm far older than you, if you have a problem, it's your fault, not mine." for reference, i don't drink nor smoke.
i'm really sick and tired of this and strongly considering legal ways.
so, aita??
| 1,580 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zu88gd/aita_for_kicking_my_uncle_out_of_my_apartment/
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2022-12-24 11:43:24
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nta, obviously, it’s your place and it sounds like you are working from home. does he have a key? you need to take the key back, or change locks, or change the key code. remember this is your place, age doesn’t matter. if he doesn’t have his own place that’s on him. he’s just trying to break you down for being successful. don’t let him.
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nta - don’t let him in again. i don’t foresee him respecting you.
info: what’s wrong with his home?
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why on earth is he acting like he owns your apartment. you can try having your family talk some sense to him. otherwise just kick him out and do not allow him in ever again.
nta obviously
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nta
are you renting? because if so he could actually be putting you at risk of being evicted if there’s a no smoking policy, parties etc
you need to share these concerns with your mom and if that doesn’t stop the problem then you need to change the wifi, change the locks if needs be and if he still turns up then you have a right to get law enforcement involved since you’ve tried every avenue and he clearly doesn’t respect you or your privacy
i’m curious as to why he’s entertaining at your place? doesn’t he have his own place? or if he has a partner is he trying to hide things?
in any event he’s not being respectful and you don’t need to put up with this nonsense
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nta but repeat after me - “hi it’s me, i’m the problem it’s me.”
its pretty obvious you’re not the asshole but you are literally creating this problem for yourself. he doesn’t have a key, has to ring security and you let him in every time. stop letting him in, no one is forcing you. it’s your place, stop letting him in.
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nta, he sounds horrible, never let him in your apartment again, call the cops if he breaks in.
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nta
stop letting him in!! wtf is wrong with you?? do not let him in. let him go cry to your family. you live on you own op. it doesn't matter!! he's been rude and disrespectful. he can hangout by himself at his own place.
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stop answering the door!!! don’t let your uncle in. notify your apartment manager what is going on and that he may make a ruckus. call the police if he refuses to leave. nta
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nta. if someone showed up to my place and smoked they would never be allowed back in. if they showed up and (without asking) took my food to cook for themselves that would be the last time they were allowed in as well.
which is to say your uncle has done a lot of things that individually would be a good enough reason to ban him.
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info: why do you even let him in your house in the first place? does your front door not have a lock somehow?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m19) moved out of my mom's place a couple months back because i work & study from home. however - i didn't move far away from my mom for personal reasons. my family is close, we all live in the same area and my cousins and i all went to the same or similar schools. we eat at eachothers places regularly, i like this but it is a bit overwhelming. anyways - in recent months, my uncle (m51) has been coming to my place a lot more often, without notice most times and has overstayed his welcome a lot (like 7 to 8 hours a day) sometimes even the whole day, whilst i juggle work, school, responsibilities and personal life! i've told him to respect my time and my personal life - and have asked him to ask me before he rocks up at my place, i've also told him not to expect me to allow him to come in (access control) if he doesn't respect my rules. he comes, eats, connects to the wifi, cooks for himself only, smokes in my apartment, doesn't clean and doesn't ask if i need help with chores etc - about 2 days back, he comes to my place whilst i'm in the middle of a meeting with management with his friends, they bring alcohol and all that into my place, i really was at my wits end. at the end of my meeting - i told him to get out or i'll get the police, i was furious and he pulled the card : "i'm far older than you, if you have a problem, it's your fault, not mine." for reference, i don't drink nor smoke. i'm really sick and tired of this and strongly considering legal ways. so, aita??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (m19) moved out of my mom's place a couple months back because i work & study from home. however - i didn't move far away from my mom for personal reasons. my family is close, we all live in the same area and my cousins and i all went to the same or similar schools. we eat at eachothers places regularly, i like this but it is a bit overwhelming. anyways - in recent months, my uncle (m51) has been coming to my place a lot more often, without notice most times and has overstayed his welcome a lot (like 7 to 8 hours a day) sometimes even the whole day, whilst i juggle work, school, responsibilities and personal life! i've told him to respect my time and my personal life - and have asked him to ask me before he rocks up at my place, i've also told him not to expect me to allow him to come in (access control) if he doesn't respect my rules. he comes, eats, connects to the wifi, cooks for himself only, smokes in my apartment, doesn't clean and doesn't ask if i need help with chores etc - about 2 days back, he comes to my place whilst i'm in the middle of a meeting with management with his friends, they bring alcohol and all that into my place, i really was at my wits end. at the end of my meeting - i told him to get out or i'll get the police, i was furious and he pulled the card : "i'm far older than you, if you have a problem, it's your fault, not mine." for reference, i don't drink nor smoke. i'm really sick and tired of this and strongly considering legal ways. so, aita?? [/INST] nta, obviously, it’s your place and it sounds like you are working from home. does he have a key? you need to take the key back, or change locks, or change the key code. remember this is your place, age doesn’t matter. if he doesn’t have his own place that’s on him. he’s just trying to break you down for being successful. don’t let him. </s>
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AITA: For being hurt after not receiving a wedding gift from the in-laws
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my (now) wife and i have been together for 15 years, 3 of them married. we were high school sweethearts, and have been together ever since. though the relationship with the inlaws was difficult at first, it seems that i was an accepted member of the family.
at the time of our wedding, we both decided that we wanted to have a relatively cheap wedding (budget of 10k) as we didn't really see the value of spending much more on a celebration for us. we purchased our own liquor from a wholesaler, went light on the decorations, limited our invitations, etc.
the wedding went off without a hitch, and the next day we went through the various card and gifts, wrote down who gave what for thank you notes, and noticed something. we didn't receive anything from my wife parents, not even a card. we also found out that our leftover champagne was taken by my inlaws and given to my brother-in-law.
i don't want to feel like i'm entitled to a gift, but the lack of even a card on such a memorable day (oldest daughters wedding, first wedding of their 3 kids) made me think that my inlaws don't even value our marriage enough to commemorate it with a card. aita for expecting a little more from my inlaws?
edit 1) thanks for all the responses, definitely some perspectives in there i didn't consider.
for those asking for more information, they had no financial contribution to the wedding. in fact, we were so budget-conscious that we were considering not having a dj (would just have a music service hooked up to the sound system) but they insisted that we needed one and said they would pay for it. after the wedding, they only provided half of what the dj cost and that was from her grandmother.
i want to say that we had roughly $150-200 worth of unopened champagne leftover.
edit 2) some other information: there was no religious dispute (as far as i know), hopefully the card was not stolen/misplaced (no other issues), we see our in-laws at least once a week, we were even caring for my wife's 90+ years old grandmother with dementia in her home (we moved out because the inlaws were demanding rent on top of our almost 24 hour care).
| 647 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bwcx1k/aita_for_being_hurt_after_not_receiving_a_wedding/
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2019-06-03 16:50:24
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nta, not because you didn't receive a gift, but because they stole all of your leftover alcohol. the fuck?
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tough to judge as in my family there is a famous story of at the next funeral my grandfather put on his suit and discovered he didn’t leave the envelope at the previous wedding. boy was my grandma pissed at him. her apology tour took weeks to track everyone down as this was in the 60s.
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info. i'm certainly leaning towards nta, but did they pay for any portion of the wedding or did you guys cover the whole 10k yourselves? sometimes wedding planning and the logistics can get really stressful. i don't think i have a card or anything from my folks from my wedding - but they were a significant help during the process (both time and money). but i certainly understand you being hurt by what may seem like a lack of love/interest from their side.
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nta: i don't think it's unfair to be a little hurt that they didn't even get you a card. without knowing anymore of the context i can't find you at fault (at all). do you know if this normal behavior for them?
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info: did they offer any money toward the wedding at all? like bought the bouquet or something? it's pretty unusual and hurtful not to give some sort of gift!!! (but if they offered or gave money towards the wedding, that could be considered their gift).
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info the way your story is told, its hard to tell if they contributed to the wedding expenses. you only specifically state that you bought the liquor, the rest is cagey. "didn't see the value in spending"... your money?
you've also left out religious concerns or cultural expectations. you may not be certain of their reasoning on the gift, but if they disapproved of you living together for whatever reason, that's important information as well. not giving gifts to make a social statement is asshole behavior in my book.
lastly, you lived together for 4-6 years, that's a long time. in my social circles, if you live together that long and then get married, you tend to specify "no gifts" and you don't register. if that's what your in laws expected and its normal, its more of a no assholes here situation.
if they paid for the wedding, then it kind of sounds like you're splitting hairs.
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nta - that’s incredibly disrespectful of your inlaws. i think expecting at least a card is a reasonable expectation for your wedding
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nta - but *you* should absolutely not be the one to bring this up with them. i don't think your wife would be out of line to say something like "hey, we were opening presents and writing thank you notes and we can't find yours. just want to make sure it didn't get lost or stolen."
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info:
is there a possibility it got lost or stolen? if it's a card , those can easily fall behind a seat or something.
i'm suggesting stolen because someone stole a wedding gift at my parent's wedding. the only reason my parent's found out is because a very offended guest wondered where their thank you card was like a month or so later.
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nta - it's not about the present, but if you can't get even a "congratulations! " card, it sucks.
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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INFO
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.098154 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (now) wife and i have been together for 15 years, 3 of them married. we were high school sweethearts, and have been together ever since. though the relationship with the inlaws was difficult at first, it seems that i was an accepted member of the family. at the time of our wedding, we both decided that we wanted to have a relatively cheap wedding (budget of 10k) as we didn't really see the value of spending much more on a celebration for us. we purchased our own liquor from a wholesaler, went light on the decorations, limited our invitations, etc. the wedding went off without a hitch, and the next day we went through the various card and gifts, wrote down who gave what for thank you notes, and noticed something. we didn't receive anything from my wife parents, not even a card. we also found out that our leftover champagne was taken by my inlaws and given to my brother-in-law. i don't want to feel like i'm entitled to a gift, but the lack of even a card on such a memorable day (oldest daughters wedding, first wedding of their 3 kids) made me think that my inlaws don't even value our marriage enough to commemorate it with a card. aita for expecting a little more from my inlaws? edit 1) thanks for all the responses, definitely some perspectives in there i didn't consider. for those asking for more information, they had no financial contribution to the wedding. in fact, we were so budget-conscious that we were considering not having a dj (would just have a music service hooked up to the sound system) but they insisted that we needed one and said they would pay for it. after the wedding, they only provided half of what the dj cost and that was from her grandmother. i want to say that we had roughly $150-200 worth of unopened champagne leftover. edit 2) some other information: there was no religious dispute (as far as i know), hopefully the card was not stolen/misplaced (no other issues), we see our in-laws at least once a week, we were even caring for my wife's 90+ years old grandmother with dementia in her home (we moved out because the inlaws were demanding rent on top of our almost 24 hour care).
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (now) wife and i have been together for 15 years, 3 of them married. we were high school sweethearts, and have been together ever since. though the relationship with the inlaws was difficult at first, it seems that i was an accepted member of the family. at the time of our wedding, we both decided that we wanted to have a relatively cheap wedding (budget of 10k) as we didn't really see the value of spending much more on a celebration for us. we purchased our own liquor from a wholesaler, went light on the decorations, limited our invitations, etc. the wedding went off without a hitch, and the next day we went through the various card and gifts, wrote down who gave what for thank you notes, and noticed something. we didn't receive anything from my wife parents, not even a card. we also found out that our leftover champagne was taken by my inlaws and given to my brother-in-law. i don't want to feel like i'm entitled to a gift, but the lack of even a card on such a memorable day (oldest daughters wedding, first wedding of their 3 kids) made me think that my inlaws don't even value our marriage enough to commemorate it with a card. aita for expecting a little more from my inlaws? edit 1) thanks for all the responses, definitely some perspectives in there i didn't consider. for those asking for more information, they had no financial contribution to the wedding. in fact, we were so budget-conscious that we were considering not having a dj (would just have a music service hooked up to the sound system) but they insisted that we needed one and said they would pay for it. after the wedding, they only provided half of what the dj cost and that was from her grandmother. i want to say that we had roughly $150-200 worth of unopened champagne leftover. edit 2) some other information: there was no religious dispute (as far as i know), hopefully the card was not stolen/misplaced (no other issues), we see our in-laws at least once a week, we were even caring for my wife's 90+ years old grandmother with dementia in her home (we moved out because the inlaws were demanding rent on top of our almost 24 hour care). [/INST] nta, not because you didn't receive a gift, but because they stole all of your leftover alcohol. the fuck? </s>
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AITA for snapping at my BF after he deliberately tried sabotaging my weight loss repetitively?
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so i'm 28f and he is 29m. i have gained a bunch of weight since quarantine and started feeling really disgusted with myself so i started the keto diet about a month ago. it has been a rollercoaster since that point because i have found that even while i know i need to lose weight, i absolutely hate dieting. so needless to say, i'm a bit irritable and try my damndest to not let that seep into my everyday life.
my boyfriend, since i started dieting, has been quite literally trying to shove gross foods down my throat, saying that i am "starving" myself. after all, most of the keto plans include 'fasting' until dinner time. so i eat, but apparently not enough for his liking. not every keto diet involves fasting, so it's not an every day thing, but he still cannot accept it.
so, for weeks, he has been buying what i consider to be my favorite junk foods and dangling them infront of my face. he will say things like "babe, you know you want some" or "its not going to make you gain weight just from eating a little" and has been all around super unsupportive. he even whined and cried until i stopped taking metabolism boosters because he swore up and down it was destroying my system apparently.
so the other day i put on some work out videos and was doing some body fat killing zumba shit. he walked by and flicked off the video and turned on his video games. i asked him what he was doing and he responded with "you dont even need to fucking lose weight. just stop." for info- i'm 5'5" and weight 240lbs. i definitely am considered obese for my height. so yes, i do need to lose the extra pounds.
i started crying from pure frustration and asked him why he wanted to keep me fat and hating myself. he said "that's not even what this is. you should probably go eat something so you can go back to your normal self because to be quite frank i'm tired of your fucking attitude". aita for being pissed off? a part of me feels like i probably am because i do get angry when i am hungry but i make a point to not take it out on him.
| 3,791 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/idc7q0/aita_for_snapping_at_my_bf_after_he_deliberately/
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2020-08-20 15:19:35
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nta - he is not being supportive and shows it hourly/daily. you can lose a bunch of unnecessary weight by dumping his ass. keep on keto - i've lost 50 pounds and still cheat on some things every once in a while. good luck
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nta and your boyfriend is a feeder. he wants to keep you fat. he'd rather see you die young as long as he doesn't have to deal with his own insecurities.
run, do not walk away from this man.
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nta. i want to tell you i’m proud of you for taking charge of your health. your boyfriend is being extremely selfish when this is a time you need his support. i would try to sit him down, and try to cut through the bull and see why he’s doing this. i suspect it’s because he doesn’t want others to find you attractive once you lose all the weight, or he doesn’t want to diet himself.
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nta. your boyfriend is being cruel and manipulative. he sounds like real weight you have to lose.
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nta - going to gently say that you said it yourself that the dieting has made you irritable so it’s possible that contributed to your reaction, but he is definitely being ta here. you have goals you want to achieve and they are not goals that will be of detriment to your health. not only is he being unsupportive but he’s actively trying to get you to slip up which is malicious and cruel. sounds to me like he could be insecure about himself or your relationship if he’s trying that hard to make you fall off your diet.
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please dump this trash human. nta. you deserve someone who is your biggest cheerleader, fan, and support system.
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nta. your bf is being unsupportive and should have some compassion when you’re struggling with your mood. however, if the diet plan you’ve chosen is making you miserable, maybe it isn’t the best one for you.
dieting isn’t easy...i lost 95 lbs over the last 18 months and it was a constant effort! but i was never miserable. i hit a plateau after 45 lbs lost and it was a struggle, then i tried noom. rather than being a diet, it’s a plan that changes your relationship with food and helps you learn to manage your intake in a food-positive way that helps keep you feeling satisfied and not hungry all the time. it wasn’t easy, but it was easier and got my weight loss back on track. now i weigh what i did at 19, when i was in college (i’m 46). i highly recommend it to anyone.
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nta, it seems your boyfriend is a feeder, they are people who have a fetish about overweight/obese partners and use various means and ploys to make them eat including gaslighting, emotional blackmail etc. they are highly manipulative and your boyfriend seems to meet the text book definition. i would suggest you start your diet properly and get rid of the dead weight of your boyfriend.
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nta for snapping at him, but please be aware that certain dieting techniques can lead to eating disorders. fasting isn’t realistic in a healthy lifestyle and he may just be concerned. he’s definitely going about it in the wrong way though.
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nta - while you may be taking the weight loss attempts to an extreme, it doesn't sound like he is trying to get in the way out of "concern" - it sounds like deliberate sabotage, especially considering both your desire to lose weight and the need from a health standpoint (not trying to bodyshame by any means). speaking of concern, i am concerned based on these behaviors and your current size that he may want to keep you that size out of some sort of fetish. you can be whatever size you feel comfortable and secure in - but if you are acknowledging that you are overweight, and feel physically and mentally unwell about, you should be allowed to pursue weight loss. these are both valid reasons.
info: is your boyfriend also overweight? that could be another reason he is getting in your way, he wants you to be like that with him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i'm 28f and he is 29m. i have gained a bunch of weight since quarantine and started feeling really disgusted with myself so i started the keto diet about a month ago. it has been a rollercoaster since that point because i have found that even while i know i need to lose weight, i absolutely hate dieting. so needless to say, i'm a bit irritable and try my damndest to not let that seep into my everyday life. my boyfriend, since i started dieting, has been quite literally trying to shove gross foods down my throat, saying that i am "starving" myself. after all, most of the keto plans include 'fasting' until dinner time. so i eat, but apparently not enough for his liking. not every keto diet involves fasting, so it's not an every day thing, but he still cannot accept it. so, for weeks, he has been buying what i consider to be my favorite junk foods and dangling them infront of my face. he will say things like "babe, you know you want some" or "its not going to make you gain weight just from eating a little" and has been all around super unsupportive. he even whined and cried until i stopped taking metabolism boosters because he swore up and down it was destroying my system apparently. so the other day i put on some work out videos and was doing some body fat killing zumba shit. he walked by and flicked off the video and turned on his video games. i asked him what he was doing and he responded with "you dont even need to fucking lose weight. just stop." for info- i'm 5'5" and weight 240lbs. i definitely am considered obese for my height. so yes, i do need to lose the extra pounds. i started crying from pure frustration and asked him why he wanted to keep me fat and hating myself. he said "that's not even what this is. you should probably go eat something so you can go back to your normal self because to be quite frank i'm tired of your fucking attitude". aita for being pissed off? a part of me feels like i probably am because i do get angry when i am hungry but i make a point to not take it out on him.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i'm 28f and he is 29m. i have gained a bunch of weight since quarantine and started feeling really disgusted with myself so i started the keto diet about a month ago. it has been a rollercoaster since that point because i have found that even while i know i need to lose weight, i absolutely hate dieting. so needless to say, i'm a bit irritable and try my damndest to not let that seep into my everyday life. my boyfriend, since i started dieting, has been quite literally trying to shove gross foods down my throat, saying that i am "starving" myself. after all, most of the keto plans include 'fasting' until dinner time. so i eat, but apparently not enough for his liking. not every keto diet involves fasting, so it's not an every day thing, but he still cannot accept it. so, for weeks, he has been buying what i consider to be my favorite junk foods and dangling them infront of my face. he will say things like "babe, you know you want some" or "its not going to make you gain weight just from eating a little" and has been all around super unsupportive. he even whined and cried until i stopped taking metabolism boosters because he swore up and down it was destroying my system apparently. so the other day i put on some work out videos and was doing some body fat killing zumba shit. he walked by and flicked off the video and turned on his video games. i asked him what he was doing and he responded with "you dont even need to fucking lose weight. just stop." for info- i'm 5'5" and weight 240lbs. i definitely am considered obese for my height. so yes, i do need to lose the extra pounds. i started crying from pure frustration and asked him why he wanted to keep me fat and hating myself. he said "that's not even what this is. you should probably go eat something so you can go back to your normal self because to be quite frank i'm tired of your fucking attitude". aita for being pissed off? a part of me feels like i probably am because i do get angry when i am hungry but i make a point to not take it out on him. [/INST] nta - he is not being supportive and shows it hourly/daily. you can lose a bunch of unnecessary weight by dumping his ass. keep on keto - i've lost 50 pounds and still cheat on some things every once in a while. good luck </s>
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AITA for telling a kid about dogs anal glands?
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my friend is really upset with me but i don’t think what i did was too bad.
i have two dogs and needed to take them to the vets to get their anal glands emptied. my friend and her kid, who is 8, was visiting me and i told them i can’t meet them the next day due to the vet visit. the kid got worried and upset that the dogs were sick, so i told them that dogs have anal glands that express their own scent when they poop, but sometimes the glands don’t get emptied properly and a vet needs to empty them.
this was fine, but then the kid asked how the vet does it and i told the kid the truth: the vet puts a finger up the dogs bum and squeezes the glands. the kid looked grossed out for a second but said “okay” and continued playing with one of the dogs.
my friend wasn’t there during the conversation. after they left, the kid had bombed my friend with questions about vets job and doctors and fingers up bums and “do they do that to humans”, and my friend wasn’t quite happy with me.
i’m not great with kids but i don’t think i told anything inappropriate.
| 1,883 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t10waa/aita_for_telling_a_kid_about_dogs_anal_glands/
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2022-02-25 10:31:33
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nta.
you were clear and factual, what more does your friend want. surely they don't want you to lie to their children?
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nta. 8 is in no way too young to learn about these things. who knows? the kid might grow up to be a vet.
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nta.
that was a very age appropriate answer. kids ask questions - as long as we give factual age appropriate answers to them - there is no reason to lie. it's a part of life. your friend is an idiot.
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you just piqued her kid's interest in medical science, what is she complaining about? nta. but all jokes aside, it's not an inappropriate subject for an 8 year old. i wonder why she was so uncomfortable with having to answer the questions that came up. maybe she was just having a stressful day already?
also, have you ever tried expressing your doggies' anal glands at home? you should give it a try! it's a bit smelly which is why a lot of folks prefer not to do it at home, but if you do it in the bathtub and have wipes to clean up right away, its rather quick and painless!
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oh look, a parent who's inconvenienced by their curious child wanting to learn and asking questions. how rare. nta.
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nta the kid asked you a question because they were worried about your dog and you told them the facts to help settle their mind
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heck no! if the kid lived on a farm, chances are they'd already have seen a vet shoulder-deep in a cow's arse. it's never too young to learn science (or animal husbandry for that matter).
nta.
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nta. i got in trouble with my friend when her daughter asked why her cat was wiggling her bum in the air and being weird and bleeding on the floor. retrospectively i shouldn't have just said "she's in heat" because yes, that does open up a can of worms if you still haven't had the talk with your 11yo daughter.
however, we had sex ed in primary school (aged 10ish) so just because her mum wanted to send her off to secondary school with no knowledge of sex (bad idea if you ask me because do you want her to be told by another kid instead of you?), she would have already been taught some in class and would have had an idea of periods and reproduction even if it didn't come from her mother. and if you don't want your cat's behaviour and bleeding to raise questions, get your damn cat spayed...
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it's unsavory but not inherently offensive. not sure why your pal is upset. kids are sponges who'll soak up as much information as you give them. it's never a bad thing to expand their knowledge about the world, at any age.
nta
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nta - this legit made me laugh out loud. 'do they do it to humans?' hahaha ahh kids are great. you were factual and honest and helped the kid understand that your dogs weren't unwell or unhappy, that it's fairly normal and that it's all ok. good for them to know if they ever get a dog 🐕
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friend is really upset with me but i don’t think what i did was too bad. i have two dogs and needed to take them to the vets to get their anal glands emptied. my friend and her kid, who is 8, was visiting me and i told them i can’t meet them the next day due to the vet visit. the kid got worried and upset that the dogs were sick, so i told them that dogs have anal glands that express their own scent when they poop, but sometimes the glands don’t get emptied properly and a vet needs to empty them. this was fine, but then the kid asked how the vet does it and i told the kid the truth: the vet puts a finger up the dogs bum and squeezes the glands. the kid looked grossed out for a second but said “okay” and continued playing with one of the dogs. my friend wasn’t there during the conversation. after they left, the kid had bombed my friend with questions about vets job and doctors and fingers up bums and “do they do that to humans”, and my friend wasn’t quite happy with me. i’m not great with kids but i don’t think i told anything inappropriate.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my friend is really upset with me but i don’t think what i did was too bad. i have two dogs and needed to take them to the vets to get their anal glands emptied. my friend and her kid, who is 8, was visiting me and i told them i can’t meet them the next day due to the vet visit. the kid got worried and upset that the dogs were sick, so i told them that dogs have anal glands that express their own scent when they poop, but sometimes the glands don’t get emptied properly and a vet needs to empty them. this was fine, but then the kid asked how the vet does it and i told the kid the truth: the vet puts a finger up the dogs bum and squeezes the glands. the kid looked grossed out for a second but said “okay” and continued playing with one of the dogs. my friend wasn’t there during the conversation. after they left, the kid had bombed my friend with questions about vets job and doctors and fingers up bums and “do they do that to humans”, and my friend wasn’t quite happy with me. i’m not great with kids but i don’t think i told anything inappropriate. [/INST] nta. you were clear and factual, what more does your friend want. surely they don't want you to lie to their children? </s>
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AITA for not noticing which pairs of underwear my girlfriend wears for comfort and which she goes to work in?
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**
| 1,586 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fx7s6o/aita_for_not_noticing_which_pairs_of_underwear_my/
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2020-04-08 14:49:46
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nta that’s so petty. and also, if she knows she’s running out of particular clean undergarments she prefers to wear then she should be making sure she gets those clean.
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why did you have to go searching for her underwear like some kind of easter egg hunt??? why weren’t they just in the hamper.
nta
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nta. she asked for underwear. you washed underwear. if she needed something more specific, she should have been more specific. it sounds like this is bigger than underwear, though, so see what you can do to get her to open up about why she's feeling taken for granted and what you can do to fix that without having to resort to mind-reading.
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edited to nta
she asked for you to clean as many pairs as you could find, and you found 6 pairs. does she not have many pairs of underwear, was she hiding them, or are you shit at finding them?
not ta for not knowing she has "sleep underwear" and "work underwear", but i think the issue is basically "whose fault is it that you could only find 6 pairs?"
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nta. i mean.... honestly that's just kind of weird. i know many women have "sexy" and "regular" underwear because those lacy scraps are usually not all that comfortable, and some have "period" underwear. but i've not ever heard of "work" and "sleeping" underwear. i'm kind of curious about what the difference is.
also, logically, if you washed all of her underwear that you could find, and *none* of those pairs were her work underwear... how were you supposed to be able to wash them even if you were aware of the difference?
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this is weird. nta.
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i'm not one to call women crazy, but dude, *that's crazy*.
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info - does she purposely hide her underwear....i’m confused on how some underwear was missed
nta - get a hamper
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nta. google emotional abuse to learn more about your relationship. this relationship is not about her love, but her control. from reading your other comments, realize nothing you do is enough. the bar just gets raised, the more you deliver. it’s a power move. she began today with a put down, “did you even wash my underwear?” to immediately put you on the defensive. if this was a one-off, we all have our bad days. but your comments with several examples of emotional abuse in this post set off alarm bells.
there is a reason she has no support except you. she burns through her friends, and you cannot fix her. she sounds like a user, adept at manipulating people until they can’t take it anymore. you staying with her to support her is only delaying the inevitable.
you have lived with her 4 months at the new apartment? is that 1, 2 or 8 more months left on the lease? you are liable for your share of the rent (paid directly to the landlord) until the lease is up. if the lease is month to month, you can give her an extra month if that makes you feel better.
break up asap, while you have clarity. don’t let her manipulate you into staying together. there is a love bombing cycle, and she will probably try hard to keep you in line, but don’t be fooled. pay your monthly share and move in with your parents now, (my recommendation—get out now) or work out another exit strategy with her while one of you sleeps on the uncomfortable couch. it’s over. it was really over 4 months ago when she got you in trouble with your previous landlord. your decision to stick by her has bought time, but don’t feel guilty or obligated for the inevitable break up.
i suggest you start seeing a good experienced therapist. (available virtually right now). emotional abuse messes with your head. you will be fine, but you can speed up the recovery much faster with a professional helping you unpack the mind games. your feeling of obligation to her welfare is wrapped up in this abuse. it makes you very vulnerable and extremely self-sacrificing on her behalf. be ready to hear more sad stories as she tries to make you the solution to her problems. she will eventually find someone else to use, and after the lease is up, she will have to figure out her own living accommodations. other than being fair about the lease, her welfare cannot be your responsibility. you have a life to live, too.
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nta.
dirty clothes belong in a hamper. it’s her fault for not putting her dirty underwear there. also, not a big deal you weren’t sure which were her work undies and which were her lounging pairs.
sometimes there’s a difference you can notice, like maybe she wears thongs to work but sleeps in briefs, but still, i wouldn’t expect a partner to pick that up. she could have said “wash all my black thongs” or something more specific, but she didn’t. something else must be bothering her if she got this upset with you. or she’s a drama queen and ungrateful.
it was sweet of you to do her chores on your day off.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
** [/INST] nta that’s so petty. and also, if she knows she’s running out of particular clean undergarments she prefers to wear then she should be making sure she gets those clean. </s>
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AITA for saying I'd run away if drafted?
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before i start, i'd just like to say i respect the hell out of military men and women who put their lives on the line for me and people like me.
i was sitting with two buddies of mine, both male, one's girlfriend, and her female friend. somehow we got on the topic of selective service. both of my buddies said if they were drafted, they'd definitely go to war. one for the reason that it'd be "an interesting life experience." wasn't really a fan of this but it doesn't matter.
i said that i would flee the draft. on saying this, the girlfriend (call her d) turned to me and said, in what i believe to be all seriousness, "that's really cowardly of you." then her friend really pushed back at me, asking where i'd go to live if not the us. i stayed calm, basically said i didn't know. d's friend stayed quiet for the rest of the night, and i figure i really pushed some buttons.
my reasoning is this: i really don't know the motivation or intent of the person that tells me i need to kill someone for my country. i've read about soldiers being made into killers time and time again (see *ordinary men*). i don't want to go there as a human being. truth is, i just flat out don't trust that whatever thing i'm fighting against is a real enemy in this scenario. was north korea's missile launch fabricated by a third party? how would i know? can i kill a man with that level of uncertainty?
d and her friend were whispering to each other for the rest of the night, and the friend didn't say a word to me, even when i made a point to, at the end of the night, say "nice meeting you" and be cordial and all that. she didn't say a word to me as i just got out of the car and went home.
i felt really unwelcome there, but my two buddies didn't really care. they didn't push back against the conversation getting very intense very quickly, nor did they call me a coward or engage in any such name calling.
maybe i am a coward, but am i the asshole for saying i'd run?
| 246 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bd8gsc/aita_for_saying_id_run_away_if_drafted/
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2019-04-14 22:24:00
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nta. you didn’t say anything derogatory against anyone else and shared a reasonable opinion. i wouldn’t worry about it, especially since your friends were fine with it.
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nta.
your morals and ethics are yours and you don't have to apologize to anyone for them.
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nah. you're entitled to this position, other people are entitled to judge you for it.
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nta.
would of been interesting to hear what the two women would of done if they were called to service.
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[deleted]
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nta, you are just smarter.
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nta
took me a while to decide on this one. i think you'd be better off saying you'd be a conscientious objecter.
i disagree with you personally but you're free to believe what you want and it was kinda dickish of your friends.
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nta, compulsory service is disgusting.
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nta. war is almost never worth dying for. perfect most recent example is iraq. a whole administration of chicken hawk draft dodgers sending young americans in their prime of life to be maimed and slaughtered
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nta
it's especially ridiculous that the girlfriend called you a coward when she doesn't even have to register for selective service. why doesn't she join the military to get shipped off to some shithole desert in order to enrich general dynamics or whatever other government contractor?
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: before i start, i'd just like to say i respect the hell out of military men and women who put their lives on the line for me and people like me. i was sitting with two buddies of mine, both male, one's girlfriend, and her female friend. somehow we got on the topic of selective service. both of my buddies said if they were drafted, they'd definitely go to war. one for the reason that it'd be "an interesting life experience." wasn't really a fan of this but it doesn't matter. i said that i would flee the draft. on saying this, the girlfriend (call her d) turned to me and said, in what i believe to be all seriousness, "that's really cowardly of you." then her friend really pushed back at me, asking where i'd go to live if not the us. i stayed calm, basically said i didn't know. d's friend stayed quiet for the rest of the night, and i figure i really pushed some buttons. my reasoning is this: i really don't know the motivation or intent of the person that tells me i need to kill someone for my country. i've read about soldiers being made into killers time and time again (see *ordinary men*). i don't want to go there as a human being. truth is, i just flat out don't trust that whatever thing i'm fighting against is a real enemy in this scenario. was north korea's missile launch fabricated by a third party? how would i know? can i kill a man with that level of uncertainty? d and her friend were whispering to each other for the rest of the night, and the friend didn't say a word to me, even when i made a point to, at the end of the night, say "nice meeting you" and be cordial and all that. she didn't say a word to me as i just got out of the car and went home. i felt really unwelcome there, but my two buddies didn't really care. they didn't push back against the conversation getting very intense very quickly, nor did they call me a coward or engage in any such name calling. maybe i am a coward, but am i the asshole for saying i'd run?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
before i start, i'd just like to say i respect the hell out of military men and women who put their lives on the line for me and people like me. i was sitting with two buddies of mine, both male, one's girlfriend, and her female friend. somehow we got on the topic of selective service. both of my buddies said if they were drafted, they'd definitely go to war. one for the reason that it'd be "an interesting life experience." wasn't really a fan of this but it doesn't matter. i said that i would flee the draft. on saying this, the girlfriend (call her d) turned to me and said, in what i believe to be all seriousness, "that's really cowardly of you." then her friend really pushed back at me, asking where i'd go to live if not the us. i stayed calm, basically said i didn't know. d's friend stayed quiet for the rest of the night, and i figure i really pushed some buttons. my reasoning is this: i really don't know the motivation or intent of the person that tells me i need to kill someone for my country. i've read about soldiers being made into killers time and time again (see *ordinary men*). i don't want to go there as a human being. truth is, i just flat out don't trust that whatever thing i'm fighting against is a real enemy in this scenario. was north korea's missile launch fabricated by a third party? how would i know? can i kill a man with that level of uncertainty? d and her friend were whispering to each other for the rest of the night, and the friend didn't say a word to me, even when i made a point to, at the end of the night, say "nice meeting you" and be cordial and all that. she didn't say a word to me as i just got out of the car and went home. i felt really unwelcome there, but my two buddies didn't really care. they didn't push back against the conversation getting very intense very quickly, nor did they call me a coward or engage in any such name calling. maybe i am a coward, but am i the asshole for saying i'd run? [/INST] nta. you didn’t say anything derogatory against anyone else and shared a reasonable opinion. i wouldn’t worry about it, especially since your friends were fine with it. </s>
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AITA for not taking down my GoFundMe?
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i've been doubting myself over this one, so here we go. i'm a 19 year old student, and i've lived away from home for about a year. since i turned 18 i've developed 2 chronic illnesses, endometriosis and chronic fatigue syndrome, meaning i need to use mobility aids. i was very lucky in december of last year to have a friend who was willing to give away her old manual wheelchair to me for very cheap.
recently, my conditions have worsened, and pushing myself in the manual wheelchair causes too much fatigue for me to go anywhere alone, causing me to get stranded often. i decided that the next best step would be to get an electric wheelchair, which would give me my independence back and allow me to go to lectures more - my degree had been suffering up to this point due to my fatigue.
the only problem would be being able to afford one. so for this reason, i decided to crowdfund the money.
this was all going wonderfully until yesterday, when i posted the link to the gofundme on facebook and messaged both of my parents about it, asking them to share the post. my mum was wonderfully supportive, but my dad flipped the fuck out. he said that "he shouldn't have had to have found out about my cfs through facebook" (he didnt, i've tried telling him throughout the year but due to comments here and there about me using my cane to walk i've slowly stopped talking to him about this). he said i should "take the post down because it's embarrassing him and it's making him look like a useless parent". i objected to this, and said that i wouldn't take it down which upset him even more. i tried to tell him that i initially felt embarrassed about having to crowdfund, but he said that "his embarrassment was much worse" than what i was feeling.
it might also be worth mentioning that the post i made began with "those of you closest to me might know that i've been struggling with this for a while"... and my dad took it as a personal jab to mean that he wasn't close to me, which wasn't my intention.
he also demanded that my mum and him pay £400 each to the fund so i can close the gofundme and be done with it, but my mum struggles to pay rent most months, and so she would never be able to afford that in a million years. i tried to tell him that, but he said "if he can find the money so can she", despite him being much better off than her financially. when i refused to comply, telling him that i'm an adult and that if i can get over the embarrassment then so can he, he proceeded to harass my mum over the phone, and comment on my facebook post asking me to take down the post. i deleted his comment. he now hasn't spoken to me for a day.
i could easily take the money from him and keep the peace by taking down the post, but i really feel that as a matter of principle i don't want to. but i'm starting to feel more and more guilty about causing him distress as i know his pride is a very important thing to him, so reddit, aita?
| 1,038 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/if1qqk/aita_for_not_taking_down_my_gofundme/
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2020-08-23 11:41:06
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nta - if he's so worried about it then he should pay the whole amount and end the matter. funny how he doesn't want to come off as a useless parent but he actually is one, regardless of the money there's so many other ways to offer support to you but he just doesn't care and the only reason this is a big deal is because it shows him in a bad light to other people
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[deleted]
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info
you used £ in your post so i'm assuming you're in the uk?
why are you crowdfunding instead of going via the nhs? there's schemes available with them and the ccg to help people get access to a personal budget for walking aids and wheelchairs.
i don't think you're ta for making the post and your dad is definitely acting like ta with his attitude over this.
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nta i am tired of parents and their face saving nonsense. sometimes people need help family cannot provide, and his priority should be your well being, not his public persona.
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nta, your dad is embarrassed by his own behavior and rightfully so, but blaming you because he's too self-centered to see past his own nose.
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your dad sounds like a pathetic small person. nta but your father should go fuck himself.
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nta, the thing is... he is a useless parent. his priorities aren't even straight. he prefers his pride is more important than your well being.
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nta.
your dad is a massive ah for making your struggles about him and his feelings and subsequently making you feel guilty! he needs to get over himself and support you however he can, rather than judging you for how you’re supporting yourself and making himself the centre of attention in the process. what a selfish person he is being.
pay him no mind, let him throw his toys out the pram and carry on doing what you need to do to get your life where you want it.
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nta. if it’s so easy to find £400, he could easily find the rest of the cost. and i assume that’s not the total cost of the wheelchair anyway?
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>he said that "his embarrassment was much worse" than what i was feeling.
as a fellow endo sufferer, i can tell you that there is no amount of secondary embarrassment that could possibly be worse than a flare-up.
nta. it's been great to see both endo and cfs getting more attention in the last few years but unfortunately they're still firmly in the category of "i can't see it so it's not real" to a lot of people, including a shocking number of medical professionals. i've been lucky with my family because my mum also has it so has always been sympathetic but dealing with doctors, employers and even friends has been difficult. i once had a gynaecologist point blank insist i did not have endo while looking at pictures from a surgery where even i could see the endo scarring.
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've been doubting myself over this one, so here we go. i'm a 19 year old student, and i've lived away from home for about a year. since i turned 18 i've developed 2 chronic illnesses, endometriosis and chronic fatigue syndrome, meaning i need to use mobility aids. i was very lucky in december of last year to have a friend who was willing to give away her old manual wheelchair to me for very cheap. recently, my conditions have worsened, and pushing myself in the manual wheelchair causes too much fatigue for me to go anywhere alone, causing me to get stranded often. i decided that the next best step would be to get an electric wheelchair, which would give me my independence back and allow me to go to lectures more - my degree had been suffering up to this point due to my fatigue. the only problem would be being able to afford one. so for this reason, i decided to crowdfund the money. this was all going wonderfully until yesterday, when i posted the link to the gofundme on facebook and messaged both of my parents about it, asking them to share the post. my mum was wonderfully supportive, but my dad flipped the fuck out. he said that "he shouldn't have had to have found out about my cfs through facebook" (he didnt, i've tried telling him throughout the year but due to comments here and there about me using my cane to walk i've slowly stopped talking to him about this). he said i should "take the post down because it's embarrassing him and it's making him look like a useless parent". i objected to this, and said that i wouldn't take it down which upset him even more. i tried to tell him that i initially felt embarrassed about having to crowdfund, but he said that "his embarrassment was much worse" than what i was feeling. it might also be worth mentioning that the post i made began with "those of you closest to me might know that i've been struggling with this for a while"... and my dad took it as a personal jab to mean that he wasn't close to me, which wasn't my intention. he also demanded that my mum and him pay £400 each to the fund so i can close the gofundme and be done with it, but my mum struggles to pay rent most months, and so she would never be able to afford that in a million years. i tried to tell him that, but he said "if he can find the money so can she", despite him being much better off than her financially. when i refused to comply, telling him that i'm an adult and that if i can get over the embarrassment then so can he, he proceeded to harass my mum over the phone, and comment on my facebook post asking me to take down the post. i deleted his comment. he now hasn't spoken to me for a day. i could easily take the money from him and keep the peace by taking down the post, but i really feel that as a matter of principle i don't want to. but i'm starting to feel more and more guilty about causing him distress as i know his pride is a very important thing to him, so reddit, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've been doubting myself over this one, so here we go. i'm a 19 year old student, and i've lived away from home for about a year. since i turned 18 i've developed 2 chronic illnesses, endometriosis and chronic fatigue syndrome, meaning i need to use mobility aids. i was very lucky in december of last year to have a friend who was willing to give away her old manual wheelchair to me for very cheap. recently, my conditions have worsened, and pushing myself in the manual wheelchair causes too much fatigue for me to go anywhere alone, causing me to get stranded often. i decided that the next best step would be to get an electric wheelchair, which would give me my independence back and allow me to go to lectures more - my degree had been suffering up to this point due to my fatigue. the only problem would be being able to afford one. so for this reason, i decided to crowdfund the money. this was all going wonderfully until yesterday, when i posted the link to the gofundme on facebook and messaged both of my parents about it, asking them to share the post. my mum was wonderfully supportive, but my dad flipped the fuck out. he said that "he shouldn't have had to have found out about my cfs through facebook" (he didnt, i've tried telling him throughout the year but due to comments here and there about me using my cane to walk i've slowly stopped talking to him about this). he said i should "take the post down because it's embarrassing him and it's making him look like a useless parent". i objected to this, and said that i wouldn't take it down which upset him even more. i tried to tell him that i initially felt embarrassed about having to crowdfund, but he said that "his embarrassment was much worse" than what i was feeling. it might also be worth mentioning that the post i made began with "those of you closest to me might know that i've been struggling with this for a while"... and my dad took it as a personal jab to mean that he wasn't close to me, which wasn't my intention. he also demanded that my mum and him pay £400 each to the fund so i can close the gofundme and be done with it, but my mum struggles to pay rent most months, and so she would never be able to afford that in a million years. i tried to tell him that, but he said "if he can find the money so can she", despite him being much better off than her financially. when i refused to comply, telling him that i'm an adult and that if i can get over the embarrassment then so can he, he proceeded to harass my mum over the phone, and comment on my facebook post asking me to take down the post. i deleted his comment. he now hasn't spoken to me for a day. i could easily take the money from him and keep the peace by taking down the post, but i really feel that as a matter of principle i don't want to. but i'm starting to feel more and more guilty about causing him distress as i know his pride is a very important thing to him, so reddit, aita? [/INST] nta - if he's so worried about it then he should pay the whole amount and end the matter. funny how he doesn't want to come off as a useless parent but he actually is one, regardless of the money there's so many other ways to offer support to you but he just doesn't care and the only reason this is a big deal is because it shows him in a bad light to other people </s>
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WIBTA if I refused to let my out-of-control niece stay over?
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i'm visiting my hometown from college and am currently staying with my mom. my [7f] niece has always been a little stubborn, and had some bad eating habits as a toddler, that my sister/her mom never discouraged, but i used to always figure she'd outgrow it eventually, kids are kids.
because of covid i hadn't visited in ages and have only been able to see my family now, including my niece. unfortunately, she is now much worse, almost unbearable. she has barely been disciplined, and has gotten toys/candy pretty much through having tantrums. often times she is ungrateful. often times she will have gotten a new and expensive toy, most recently a trampoline, and will still complain of being bored within the same day.
she barely eats any solid foods, i.e. breakfast/lunch/dinner. she will have a tantrum if she is made finish meals, and from what i can tell, her mom gives in quickly "for a quiet life". she immediately grabs sugary snacks and will continuously eat them throughout the day, as well as soda. she only "proper food", quoting her mom, she will eat is a mcdonalds happy meal. she gets that frequently.
what bothers me the most is she has very little manners and is extremely needy for attention. only today, she deliberately burped in my face, and her mom just laughed. i was disgusted. i have also seen her fart on other people for the humour of it, and smear her sugary food on personal belongings. she has extremely rude behaviour, and her mom only seems to encourage it.
she isn't very independent, in the sense that she constantly needs attention and is very nosey when someone else is trying to do their own thing. she has attempted to steal my belongings to play with. maybe i'm being harsh on this one, but i would figure that by 7 years, most kids are at least able to occupy themselves for say 30mins with toys etc. i do, of course, understand that children do require lots of attention, i just didn't imagine that it would have to be 24/7 attention for my niece. her mom has been reckless in raising her so far, and i really worry for her future. sometimes she will dump her with my mom to give herself a break, because she has raised her to be so needy.
and now her mom wants my niece to stay over with us for three days/nights in a row, pretty much because she wants a break, and i feel really conflicted on it. she is out of control, and i don't know if i can put up with it for three days straight. a part of me wants to simply tell her mom that i will only have her over if she can be better behaved, and less vulgar. i know that an argument will immediately ensue if i go down that avenue.
maybe i'm expecting too much out of a seven year old, but i really would've thought that she would have basic manners by now, or even just have enough sense to not burp in people's faces.
would i be the asshole if i refused to let her stay over?
| 505 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hfcve9/wibta_if_i_refused_to_let_my_outofcontrol_niece/
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2020-06-25 00:49:25
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nta - you're definitely not expecting too much from her. my niece (now 9) has been super polite and helpful with things since i can remember. i'm terms of manners, she is a mini adult. she does like to have the attention focused on her and have us play her games with her but is also very able to play by herself and be independent when need be.
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nta 3 days is a long time to deal with someone else’s unruly child
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nta. she’s not your child and seems like her parents are not parenting her. i think this is an argument waiting to happen but it may be beneficial to your niece in the future if you say something. she’s going to grow up to be a nightmare it sounds like and maybe a gentle nudge at her parents will make them parent more. if not, it’s not your responsibility to babysit her and you are nta.
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info: you're staying at your mother's house. does your mother have an opinion about a 3-day visit from her granddaughter?
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nta.
i'd *strongly* avoid the "tell her mom that i will only have her over if she can be better behaved, and less vulgar" avenue: mommy will no doubt get hideously defensive; wildly untrue claims will undoubtedly be made; there's zero chance that kiddo's behavior will improve just because her mother has been told that her stay is conditional.
however, just plain refusing sounds like the only sane path. avoids all the crying and wheedling about exactly how much goodness is required to stay over, keeps you from being used as a meat shield for someone's psycho kid.
the fact that your sister is so desperate to get rid of her for a bit suggests that she knows that she has an unholy terror on her hands; but that's very much not going to translate into calm, rational, acceptance of that being your reason for not wanting to be stuck with her; so going with as flat a no as the situation allows seems like the best option.
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nta, but you should give it a shot. she might surprize you.
i have an out of control nephew, but when he is at my place, or in my vicinity, he is well behaved, because he has learned i take none if his shit. you should let your niece come, and teach her, whats what in this world. you would be surprized to find she can behave well, but just doesn't choose to when she doesn't have to. with her mother out of the picture for a few days, you'll teach her how to behave towards you - and she will remember it. believe me. she will even love and respect you for it, as long as you explain why. my nephew treats me with respect, and i treat him with respect. they do it when you require it of them. his parents still don't, but in my vicinity, he reels it in. i just give him a look. they know perfectly well when they are being brats, and they see other children behave. the just choose not to, as long as it has no consequeces for them. give her consequeces and explanations to why, and she'll be allright. if not, call her mom to come take her. good luck.
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i'd say nta. sounds like the mom isn't worthy of the title.
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nta, im currently having similar, although not nearly as extreme, problems with my 7 yr old stepdaughter. it can be a task and a half trying to occupy a child that is raised in such a manner, no matter how much you love them and want the best for them. you can only do what you can handle and there is no shame in being unable to handle that kind of situation, especially since you have no obligation or responsibility for this child.
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nta - go somewhere else for 3 days. there's no way i would put up with your niece for three days! unless your mom is actually going to discipline your niece get out of dodge! she wants you to do it and it's not your job! you are not there enough to put up with three days of hell all because no one wants to discipline your niece and they have nominated you!
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nta-seven year olds are old enough to have grasped at least the most basic concept of manners and not acting like a total heathen. it’s not your niece’s fault she’s acting out. it’s her mother’s and unless it’s an emergency let mom deal with her.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm visiting my hometown from college and am currently staying with my mom. my [7f] niece has always been a little stubborn, and had some bad eating habits as a toddler, that my sister/her mom never discouraged, but i used to always figure she'd outgrow it eventually, kids are kids. because of covid i hadn't visited in ages and have only been able to see my family now, including my niece. unfortunately, she is now much worse, almost unbearable. she has barely been disciplined, and has gotten toys/candy pretty much through having tantrums. often times she is ungrateful. often times she will have gotten a new and expensive toy, most recently a trampoline, and will still complain of being bored within the same day. she barely eats any solid foods, i.e. breakfast/lunch/dinner. she will have a tantrum if she is made finish meals, and from what i can tell, her mom gives in quickly "for a quiet life". she immediately grabs sugary snacks and will continuously eat them throughout the day, as well as soda. she only "proper food", quoting her mom, she will eat is a mcdonalds happy meal. she gets that frequently. what bothers me the most is she has very little manners and is extremely needy for attention. only today, she deliberately burped in my face, and her mom just laughed. i was disgusted. i have also seen her fart on other people for the humour of it, and smear her sugary food on personal belongings. she has extremely rude behaviour, and her mom only seems to encourage it. she isn't very independent, in the sense that she constantly needs attention and is very nosey when someone else is trying to do their own thing. she has attempted to steal my belongings to play with. maybe i'm being harsh on this one, but i would figure that by 7 years, most kids are at least able to occupy themselves for say 30mins with toys etc. i do, of course, understand that children do require lots of attention, i just didn't imagine that it would have to be 24/7 attention for my niece. her mom has been reckless in raising her so far, and i really worry for her future. sometimes she will dump her with my mom to give herself a break, because she has raised her to be so needy. and now her mom wants my niece to stay over with us for three days/nights in a row, pretty much because she wants a break, and i feel really conflicted on it. she is out of control, and i don't know if i can put up with it for three days straight. a part of me wants to simply tell her mom that i will only have her over if she can be better behaved, and less vulgar. i know that an argument will immediately ensue if i go down that avenue. maybe i'm expecting too much out of a seven year old, but i really would've thought that she would have basic manners by now, or even just have enough sense to not burp in people's faces. would i be the asshole if i refused to let her stay over?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm visiting my hometown from college and am currently staying with my mom. my [7f] niece has always been a little stubborn, and had some bad eating habits as a toddler, that my sister/her mom never discouraged, but i used to always figure she'd outgrow it eventually, kids are kids. because of covid i hadn't visited in ages and have only been able to see my family now, including my niece. unfortunately, she is now much worse, almost unbearable. she has barely been disciplined, and has gotten toys/candy pretty much through having tantrums. often times she is ungrateful. often times she will have gotten a new and expensive toy, most recently a trampoline, and will still complain of being bored within the same day. she barely eats any solid foods, i.e. breakfast/lunch/dinner. she will have a tantrum if she is made finish meals, and from what i can tell, her mom gives in quickly "for a quiet life". she immediately grabs sugary snacks and will continuously eat them throughout the day, as well as soda. she only "proper food", quoting her mom, she will eat is a mcdonalds happy meal. she gets that frequently. what bothers me the most is she has very little manners and is extremely needy for attention. only today, she deliberately burped in my face, and her mom just laughed. i was disgusted. i have also seen her fart on other people for the humour of it, and smear her sugary food on personal belongings. she has extremely rude behaviour, and her mom only seems to encourage it. she isn't very independent, in the sense that she constantly needs attention and is very nosey when someone else is trying to do their own thing. she has attempted to steal my belongings to play with. maybe i'm being harsh on this one, but i would figure that by 7 years, most kids are at least able to occupy themselves for say 30mins with toys etc. i do, of course, understand that children do require lots of attention, i just didn't imagine that it would have to be 24/7 attention for my niece. her mom has been reckless in raising her so far, and i really worry for her future. sometimes she will dump her with my mom to give herself a break, because she has raised her to be so needy. and now her mom wants my niece to stay over with us for three days/nights in a row, pretty much because she wants a break, and i feel really conflicted on it. she is out of control, and i don't know if i can put up with it for three days straight. a part of me wants to simply tell her mom that i will only have her over if she can be better behaved, and less vulgar. i know that an argument will immediately ensue if i go down that avenue. maybe i'm expecting too much out of a seven year old, but i really would've thought that she would have basic manners by now, or even just have enough sense to not burp in people's faces. would i be the asshole if i refused to let her stay over? [/INST] nta - you're definitely not expecting too much from her. my niece (now 9) has been super polite and helpful with things since i can remember. i'm terms of manners, she is a mini adult. she does like to have the attention focused on her and have us play her games with her but is also very able to play by herself and be independent when need be. </s>
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AITA For Not Making Lunches for My Kids When They're With My Ex-Wife?
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backstory: i've been divorced 4 years. everything is settled, and we've had a fairly good relationship up until recently. we have equal time with the kids, where they are with me every wednesday and thursday and alternating weekends.
the kids (8 + 10) are going to day camp this summer. as would be normal, whoever has the kids that morning makes lunches to send. this year, every friday the camp is doing a pizza lunch. just pizza though, so snacks, fruit and veg still need to be sent.
my ex texted me last week to tell me that it was 'unfair' that she has to make lunch for the kids 3 days a week (while legally they count as being with me on sundays, they sleep at her place because it's a weekly tradition to visit her parents, and i thought it would be important to maintain that relationship between them and the kids).
she suggested (more demanded) that i make a lunch for mondays to send the kids, since i don't have to prepare anything for friday (again, i still have to send fruit, veg and snacks).
i told her that her request was ludicrous, and it's turned into a huge fight.
as a side note, in case anyone is wondering, not only are finances not an issue, but she earns more than me.
| 223 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vxfh82/aita_for_not_making_lunches_for_my_kids_when/
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2022-07-12 16:35:51
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nta. she's being petty.
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nta and it seems such a non-issue to fight about... are you sure there isn't some underlying issue for her to act this way about monday lunches?
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nta
she has them on sunday, and into monday morning. how are you supposed to get lunches to them? the logistics of this make no sense.
although it strikes me that the kids are at an age where teaching them to pack their own lunches the night before would be very appropriate, and a good first lesson in cooking and kitchen skills.
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nta. i hate this kind of bs with ex's you have kids with. if they are spending sunday nights over there, is she expecting you to bring it to her or something?
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nta she has the kids, she has to supply their food while they are under her care. if she’s going to start fussing, then maybe it’s time to reinforce the kids staying at yours on your sundays.
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nta this is an exceedingly petty thing to fight over if finances are not an issue.
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nta. if this is a common occurrence, where she turns not getting her way into a huge fight, you should look into the “grey rock” method. it’s basically giving a short response without supplying a reason, like “no”, “i disagree”, “nah, i’m good, bruh”, etc. then repeat 2-3 times as needed before ignoring any further messages. the premise is don’t give reasons so that they can’t try to argue your logic, and then be repetitive and then boring so that they lose interest. i advised my husband to do this with his ex-wife, and it worked splendidly!
best of luck to you.
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i suspect this isn't about the money, but about the time and hassle. to me the solution is to have the kids help get their lunches and snacks together. i would have been expected to help pack my lunch when i was that age. i realize that expectation and child rearing have changed a lot in 50 years, but learning to be responsible should never go out of style
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: backstory: i've been divorced 4 years. everything is settled, and we've had a fairly good relationship up until recently. we have equal time with the kids, where they are with me every wednesday and thursday and alternating weekends. the kids (8 + 10) are going to day camp this summer. as would be normal, whoever has the kids that morning makes lunches to send. this year, every friday the camp is doing a pizza lunch. just pizza though, so snacks, fruit and veg still need to be sent. my ex texted me last week to tell me that it was 'unfair' that she has to make lunch for the kids 3 days a week (while legally they count as being with me on sundays, they sleep at her place because it's a weekly tradition to visit her parents, and i thought it would be important to maintain that relationship between them and the kids). she suggested (more demanded) that i make a lunch for mondays to send the kids, since i don't have to prepare anything for friday (again, i still have to send fruit, veg and snacks). i told her that her request was ludicrous, and it's turned into a huge fight. as a side note, in case anyone is wondering, not only are finances not an issue, but she earns more than me.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
backstory: i've been divorced 4 years. everything is settled, and we've had a fairly good relationship up until recently. we have equal time with the kids, where they are with me every wednesday and thursday and alternating weekends. the kids (8 + 10) are going to day camp this summer. as would be normal, whoever has the kids that morning makes lunches to send. this year, every friday the camp is doing a pizza lunch. just pizza though, so snacks, fruit and veg still need to be sent. my ex texted me last week to tell me that it was 'unfair' that she has to make lunch for the kids 3 days a week (while legally they count as being with me on sundays, they sleep at her place because it's a weekly tradition to visit her parents, and i thought it would be important to maintain that relationship between them and the kids). she suggested (more demanded) that i make a lunch for mondays to send the kids, since i don't have to prepare anything for friday (again, i still have to send fruit, veg and snacks). i told her that her request was ludicrous, and it's turned into a huge fight. as a side note, in case anyone is wondering, not only are finances not an issue, but she earns more than me. [/INST] nta. she's being petty. </s>
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AITA for not telling a stranger my dog’s treats aren’t vegan?
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throwaway
i needed to go get my dog’s food at the pet store this morning. i brought my dog because she’s been going to training since my state opened up and it was a great opportunity to bring her there and get some distraction exposure.
while i was there, there was a young woman, maybe early 20s, who was walking around and she saw my dog. i said hi when she looked down at my dog and she asked if she could pet her. i said of course, hallie is very friendly and it’s great for socializing! she kneeled down and started petting her and telling her she was a good girl.
i had a treat pouch and i asked if she would like to give hallie a treat. she said she would love to. so i gave her a few and she asked if hallie knew any tricks. she did down, sit, and paw and took the treats gently.
after a minute or so, the woman looked at her hand and asked what kind of treats they were and i told her they were beef liver.
she backed up away from us and if i could see her entire face, i’m sure her jaw would be dropped.
she said something like “why didn’t you tell me what they were?” very upset.
i was shocked, i didn’t think it mattered so i said “i’m so sorry, are you allergic?” i thought maybe that was the issue.
she said “no, i’m vegan!” she went on to say that i should have told her what they were before i offered them and that i was a disgusting person for not saying anything or thinking about another person.
i was honestly too flabbergasted to even say anything else, she just walked away holding her hand out away from her to- i’m assuming- the bathroom to wash her hand.
i kind of feel like the ah because i didn’t say anything about the type of treat, but also, she’s a dog and most dog treats are meat based?
i don’t eat meat, but i understand that my dog needs to so i regularly handle meat for her. it doesn’t bother me much now. and at the same time, i also feel like if you don’t want to handle animal products, maybe ask what kind of treats they are before you take them? but i still can’t shake the feeling that i’m in the wrong because i didn’t say anything and i understand how she felt about handling the treats
aita? should i have said what type of treats they were before handing them to her?
[hallie tax!](https://imgur.com/gallery/ywjwi2l)
| 2,769 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i66zxk/aita_for_not_telling_a_stranger_my_dogs_treats/
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2020-08-08 21:16:27
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nta!! why would anyone think dog treats are vegan is beyond me.
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nta
i am vegan (sorry to be a stereotype and mention lol) and i buy meat based dog treats for my dog and prepare all his food which has meat or fish in. i am not the one eating it and he eats meat because he is a dog and i feel like i don’t know enough about animal nutrition to not give him food without meat!
if she was that bothered she should have asked you what they were. so ridiculous!!
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ha! i would have erupted in laughter... does she think animals don't eat other animals?
**nta** \- her life choices aren't your problem... she's ta for not warning you of her condition
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nta dogs are obligate carnivores (as are cats). if you don't assume food for a dog or cat has meat in it, your ignorance is not somebody else's fault. and if you feed a dog or cat a vegan diet then you're an animal abuser (unless there is some very weird situation with a medical need where this is the least bad option, and i don't even know if such situations exist, but if a vet says so, then fine, but nobody should assume food for a dog is vegan).
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nta, it’s her responsibility to ask what’s in it before giving the treat, plus, what about being vegan makes it not ok to touch meat?
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nta. as you mentioned, your dog is well a dog and most dog treats are meat based at least. the woman shouldn't accept random food type things from strangers if she's gonna get offended that they have meat in them without saying that she is vegan.
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nta
it is not realistic for her to assume you should disclose the ingredients of dog treats to her. if handling meat products is that much of a concern she should know well enough to ask.
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nta. she should have asked since it's a big deal to her. it's normal to assume a dog treat would be made with meat.
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nta and a giant f*ing eyeroll. who assumes dog treats are vegan?
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nta
these kind of reactions are only giving other vegans bad rep. she could have asked what they are herself if she wanted to, but she didn't. she honeatly looks like one of those vegans who judgea everyone who is not one and that is not a healthy way of being.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway i needed to go get my dog’s food at the pet store this morning. i brought my dog because she’s been going to training since my state opened up and it was a great opportunity to bring her there and get some distraction exposure. while i was there, there was a young woman, maybe early 20s, who was walking around and she saw my dog. i said hi when she looked down at my dog and she asked if she could pet her. i said of course, hallie is very friendly and it’s great for socializing! she kneeled down and started petting her and telling her she was a good girl. i had a treat pouch and i asked if she would like to give hallie a treat. she said she would love to. so i gave her a few and she asked if hallie knew any tricks. she did down, sit, and paw and took the treats gently. after a minute or so, the woman looked at her hand and asked what kind of treats they were and i told her they were beef liver. she backed up away from us and if i could see her entire face, i’m sure her jaw would be dropped. she said something like “why didn’t you tell me what they were?” very upset. i was shocked, i didn’t think it mattered so i said “i’m so sorry, are you allergic?” i thought maybe that was the issue. she said “no, i’m vegan!” she went on to say that i should have told her what they were before i offered them and that i was a disgusting person for not saying anything or thinking about another person. i was honestly too flabbergasted to even say anything else, she just walked away holding her hand out away from her to- i’m assuming- the bathroom to wash her hand. i kind of feel like the ah because i didn’t say anything about the type of treat, but also, she’s a dog and most dog treats are meat based? i don’t eat meat, but i understand that my dog needs to so i regularly handle meat for her. it doesn’t bother me much now. and at the same time, i also feel like if you don’t want to handle animal products, maybe ask what kind of treats they are before you take them? but i still can’t shake the feeling that i’m in the wrong because i didn’t say anything and i understand how she felt about handling the treats aita? should i have said what type of treats they were before handing them to her? [hallie tax!](https://imgur.com/gallery/ywjwi2l)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway i needed to go get my dog’s food at the pet store this morning. i brought my dog because she’s been going to training since my state opened up and it was a great opportunity to bring her there and get some distraction exposure. while i was there, there was a young woman, maybe early 20s, who was walking around and she saw my dog. i said hi when she looked down at my dog and she asked if she could pet her. i said of course, hallie is very friendly and it’s great for socializing! she kneeled down and started petting her and telling her she was a good girl. i had a treat pouch and i asked if she would like to give hallie a treat. she said she would love to. so i gave her a few and she asked if hallie knew any tricks. she did down, sit, and paw and took the treats gently. after a minute or so, the woman looked at her hand and asked what kind of treats they were and i told her they were beef liver. she backed up away from us and if i could see her entire face, i’m sure her jaw would be dropped. she said something like “why didn’t you tell me what they were?” very upset. i was shocked, i didn’t think it mattered so i said “i’m so sorry, are you allergic?” i thought maybe that was the issue. she said “no, i’m vegan!” she went on to say that i should have told her what they were before i offered them and that i was a disgusting person for not saying anything or thinking about another person. i was honestly too flabbergasted to even say anything else, she just walked away holding her hand out away from her to- i’m assuming- the bathroom to wash her hand. i kind of feel like the ah because i didn’t say anything about the type of treat, but also, she’s a dog and most dog treats are meat based? i don’t eat meat, but i understand that my dog needs to so i regularly handle meat for her. it doesn’t bother me much now. and at the same time, i also feel like if you don’t want to handle animal products, maybe ask what kind of treats they are before you take them? but i still can’t shake the feeling that i’m in the wrong because i didn’t say anything and i understand how she felt about handling the treats aita? should i have said what type of treats they were before handing them to her? [hallie tax!](https://imgur.com/gallery/ywjwi2l) [/INST] nta!! why would anyone think dog treats are vegan is beyond me. </s>
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AITA for telling my brother that sometimes people don't want to be around him, and refusing to help with his care?
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i (16f) have a little brother who is 6. he is delayed in a bunch of ways so it's been more like having a 2 year old in the house for 4 years. i don't really like kids at the best of times, but it got worse when i was about 13 because my parents forced me to start helping with my brother's care. this was around the same time he was being diagnosed with his mental and physical problems.
i had (and still have) no issue helping with the laundry, making food for everyone, cleaning the house, etc. but i absolutely cannot stand doing things with my brother except for playing. i play with him for around 4 hours a day and that's fine with me, but i hate doing things like putting him to bed (he throws mad tantrums) or taking him to the bathroom (he isn't remotely potty trained) because he thinks it's funny to try and pee on me or his hands to gross people out. my parents have been making me do these jobs more often than they do because we all find them stressful and gross, and they argue that because they go to work (except for right now ofc) i should have to do these things. i've argued i didn't choose to have a kid, but they just laugh.
now that we all at home all the time, tensions are rising and i'm so sick of having to care for my brother. he's obsessed with me because i'm the only person who plays with him so he wants to be around me all the time now i'm not at school. he bursts into my room for attention all the time but i'm still trying to study and chill a bit. i tried to tell him as gently as possible that sometimes 'people want some time on their own' and he did understand, but he told my parents that i wanted some alone time and they were furious. they came in and took my phone, turned off the internet and said i had to change my brother's diaper and play with him. i basically just gave up at this point and refused. i just said no until they left.
they're absolutely furious. this happened 3 hours ago and they've only just turned the internet back on but they still have my phone. i've been hiding my laptop from them hoping they forget to take it. my brother and i have played in my room a bit but i haven't done any chores for him in 3 hours, which is the longest awake time i've spent not doing something for him in years. my parents refused to make dinner for me and are not talking to me. aita?
| 704 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ftqp9c/aita_for_telling_my_brother_that_sometimes_people/
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2020-04-02 17:38:25
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nta, this is abuse and you should contact cps. you aren’t a slave to take care of your brother. your parents sound awful.
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nta. your parents need to take responsibility for their own child, they’re acting like you should raise him instead of them..that’s messed up. you have your own life and your days and hours shouldn’t revolve around him and his round the clock care. i feel sad for you, i hope your parents grow up a bit. he sounds like he needs some behavioral therapy.
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nta.
tell your parents what they're doing is abuse and threaten to get cps involved. all they're doing is sitting on their ass while you take care of their child.
what happens if you....i don't know....want to move out and have a life someday? are you going to be/pay for his permanent care while they "retire"?
quite frankly. i'd let them know this is on them. they will be taking care of him so better get a routine going now....and that there's no way you will be taking care of all three of them instead of building your own life.
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nta. you're right, you didn't chose to have a child and you shouldn't be responsible for all of his care. it already sounds like you're doing more than enough to help out. it also sounds like you already play with him plenty and kindly and respectfully told him that you needed some time alone. there's nothing wrong with that. your parents need to realize that they can't just push your brother off onto you.
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nta
this is a mistake that a lot of parents with special needs kids make. your other children are not free caregivers, are not replacements for professional help, and are still children.
you should try and set boundaries, like locking or using a door stopper on your door so you can have your personal space and privacy. the bathroom thing, oh hell no. your parents need to parent and either train him or put him in pull ups. what's he does when you assist him is wrong and unacceptable
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nta, you are not responsible for taking care of a child when you are a child. i would probably classify this as neglect, and i agree with the other poster about cps.
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nta and the first chance you get report this shit to your school and other authorities if possible (what country are you in?) because in several this is categorical abuse and neglect from your parents. no i'm not making shit up. they need a reality slap.
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info: so, to clarify, you didn’t tell your brother anything and the confrontation was with your parents?
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nta please continue to stand up for yourself. you are already doing more than enough.
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nta
you didn't have a kid your parents did, its their responsibility to care for the kid, especially hygiene matters.
if this is getting out of hand tell someone like your aunt, uncle or grandparents.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (16f) have a little brother who is 6. he is delayed in a bunch of ways so it's been more like having a 2 year old in the house for 4 years. i don't really like kids at the best of times, but it got worse when i was about 13 because my parents forced me to start helping with my brother's care. this was around the same time he was being diagnosed with his mental and physical problems. i had (and still have) no issue helping with the laundry, making food for everyone, cleaning the house, etc. but i absolutely cannot stand doing things with my brother except for playing. i play with him for around 4 hours a day and that's fine with me, but i hate doing things like putting him to bed (he throws mad tantrums) or taking him to the bathroom (he isn't remotely potty trained) because he thinks it's funny to try and pee on me or his hands to gross people out. my parents have been making me do these jobs more often than they do because we all find them stressful and gross, and they argue that because they go to work (except for right now ofc) i should have to do these things. i've argued i didn't choose to have a kid, but they just laugh. now that we all at home all the time, tensions are rising and i'm so sick of having to care for my brother. he's obsessed with me because i'm the only person who plays with him so he wants to be around me all the time now i'm not at school. he bursts into my room for attention all the time but i'm still trying to study and chill a bit. i tried to tell him as gently as possible that sometimes 'people want some time on their own' and he did understand, but he told my parents that i wanted some alone time and they were furious. they came in and took my phone, turned off the internet and said i had to change my brother's diaper and play with him. i basically just gave up at this point and refused. i just said no until they left. they're absolutely furious. this happened 3 hours ago and they've only just turned the internet back on but they still have my phone. i've been hiding my laptop from them hoping they forget to take it. my brother and i have played in my room a bit but i haven't done any chores for him in 3 hours, which is the longest awake time i've spent not doing something for him in years. my parents refused to make dinner for me and are not talking to me. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (16f) have a little brother who is 6. he is delayed in a bunch of ways so it's been more like having a 2 year old in the house for 4 years. i don't really like kids at the best of times, but it got worse when i was about 13 because my parents forced me to start helping with my brother's care. this was around the same time he was being diagnosed with his mental and physical problems. i had (and still have) no issue helping with the laundry, making food for everyone, cleaning the house, etc. but i absolutely cannot stand doing things with my brother except for playing. i play with him for around 4 hours a day and that's fine with me, but i hate doing things like putting him to bed (he throws mad tantrums) or taking him to the bathroom (he isn't remotely potty trained) because he thinks it's funny to try and pee on me or his hands to gross people out. my parents have been making me do these jobs more often than they do because we all find them stressful and gross, and they argue that because they go to work (except for right now ofc) i should have to do these things. i've argued i didn't choose to have a kid, but they just laugh. now that we all at home all the time, tensions are rising and i'm so sick of having to care for my brother. he's obsessed with me because i'm the only person who plays with him so he wants to be around me all the time now i'm not at school. he bursts into my room for attention all the time but i'm still trying to study and chill a bit. i tried to tell him as gently as possible that sometimes 'people want some time on their own' and he did understand, but he told my parents that i wanted some alone time and they were furious. they came in and took my phone, turned off the internet and said i had to change my brother's diaper and play with him. i basically just gave up at this point and refused. i just said no until they left. they're absolutely furious. this happened 3 hours ago and they've only just turned the internet back on but they still have my phone. i've been hiding my laptop from them hoping they forget to take it. my brother and i have played in my room a bit but i haven't done any chores for him in 3 hours, which is the longest awake time i've spent not doing something for him in years. my parents refused to make dinner for me and are not talking to me. aita? [/INST] nta, this is abuse and you should contact cps. you aren’t a slave to take care of your brother. your parents sound awful. </s>
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WIBTA if I tell my parents I don't want to mediate their divorce?
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my (19f) parents are divorcing. my father went and did it behind my mother's back, got advice by a lawyer and all, then just handed my mother papers to sign. she doesn't want the divorce but he insist. he's been pressuring her to sign "just to let the court know she received the copy", that it isn't a signature agreeing to a divorce. she's been using me as a messenger and to help her basically imo be her "lawyer". her and the family have me back and forth passing information, helping her read the divorce papers, and i even got yelled at by my father for even intervening and he now makes jokes "what? you're her lawyer now?". i don't want any part of it, it's taking a toll on my mental health and stressing me. first thing in the morning i wake up to "help" my mom with the divorce, to my family guilt tripping me about moving out next month and saying my mother needs me, theres just so much information they've told me about my parent's personal relationship that i did not want to know, it's just all coming at me. wibta if i told my parents that i don't want to be stuck in the middle of this and basically stop helping my mom?
| 191 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nron8y/wibta_if_i_tell_my_parents_i_dont_want_to_mediate/
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2021-06-03 21:34:50
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nta
and your mom needs to not sign anything and get herself her own lawyer asap.
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that’s insanely immature and irresponsible of both your parents. as an adult, you need to tell them that this isn’t your business and you will not be further involved if you don’t want to be. nta
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nta - tell your mom to go see a lawyer and not to sign anything.
both your parents are jerks for putting you in the middle of there hot mess
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nta but it sounds like your dad is trying to use your mother’s naivety against her and force her into signing things she doesn’t understand. you need to help her find a real lawyer.
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nta parents are lazy to make you be the go between.
what is the worst thing you have learned out of this?
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nta - your mother needs a real lawyer as soon as yesterday! you don't have the know how or experience to help her and she should absolutely not sign anything unless a lawyer looks over those papers. things like who is responsible to have you on their insurance until you're 24, if someone is financially responsible to help with college (as their finances impact your ability for grants, fafsa, etc.. until you're 24) as well as if she's entitled to alimony, marital property splits. please insist your mother gets a lawyer especially if your father did everything behind your mother's back because he had time to plan and hid marital property.
when 'your family' insists you need to help - push back with she needs a lawyer. it's literally not your job! when you father yells - hang up on him. if he's still in the home excuse yourself and leave. this is abusive and manipulative on his part. protect yourself and again nta
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nta - your dad is an asshole. anyone who is willing to blindside someone with a divorce is a snake. my guess is he is willing to lie and manipulate to get his own way so your mum needs an actual lawyer. he also is the ah for trying to place you in the middle of this and mock you for just trying to help your mum.
your mum does suck too a bit. i feel for her. a similar thing happened to my mum and it is so tough. but you are not her lawyer, you're not her psychologist and you shouldn't be stuck in the middle.
the rest of your family really need to mind their own business. unless they're saying to you "how can i help you?" they need to stfu and remember you are a 19 year old kid in a horrible situation.
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nta. “don’t take legal advice from your opponent,” is pretty standard advice. and he become her (legal) opponent basically the moment he asked for a divorce, and especially when he obtained his own attorney. and make no mistake, *his* attorney works for him, and only him, and does not represent her or her interests in any way whatsoever. so she shouldn’t sign *anything* without her own, separate attorney’s advice, no matter what anyone else advises her to do (stbx especially). the cost of which she could look into potentially petitioning for him to have to pay some/all for her (*heavily* dependent on their circumstances), so don’t let cost become a road block. she needs to get herself her own attorney, and yesterday.
so if it were me, after officially saying my peace/relaying that advice, i would feel completely free, and with a completely clear conscience, to tell them both to **leave me the heck out of this**. the intimate and salacious details of their lives, hearing one badmouth your other parent, etc., is all stuff they should not be trying to force on you. they are both your parents, and this is a lot to process for you, too, after all, even without all this kind of stuff on top of it.
and enforce that boundary by whatever reasonable means needed, like politely shutting down conversations/changing subjects, cutting phone calls short, walking away, declining to pass along materials and returning them, and even limiting contact altogether for awhile if they seriously won’t stop it.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (19f) parents are divorcing. my father went and did it behind my mother's back, got advice by a lawyer and all, then just handed my mother papers to sign. she doesn't want the divorce but he insist. he's been pressuring her to sign "just to let the court know she received the copy", that it isn't a signature agreeing to a divorce. she's been using me as a messenger and to help her basically imo be her "lawyer". her and the family have me back and forth passing information, helping her read the divorce papers, and i even got yelled at by my father for even intervening and he now makes jokes "what? you're her lawyer now?". i don't want any part of it, it's taking a toll on my mental health and stressing me. first thing in the morning i wake up to "help" my mom with the divorce, to my family guilt tripping me about moving out next month and saying my mother needs me, theres just so much information they've told me about my parent's personal relationship that i did not want to know, it's just all coming at me. wibta if i told my parents that i don't want to be stuck in the middle of this and basically stop helping my mom?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (19f) parents are divorcing. my father went and did it behind my mother's back, got advice by a lawyer and all, then just handed my mother papers to sign. she doesn't want the divorce but he insist. he's been pressuring her to sign "just to let the court know she received the copy", that it isn't a signature agreeing to a divorce. she's been using me as a messenger and to help her basically imo be her "lawyer". her and the family have me back and forth passing information, helping her read the divorce papers, and i even got yelled at by my father for even intervening and he now makes jokes "what? you're her lawyer now?". i don't want any part of it, it's taking a toll on my mental health and stressing me. first thing in the morning i wake up to "help" my mom with the divorce, to my family guilt tripping me about moving out next month and saying my mother needs me, theres just so much information they've told me about my parent's personal relationship that i did not want to know, it's just all coming at me. wibta if i told my parents that i don't want to be stuck in the middle of this and basically stop helping my mom? [/INST] nta and your mom needs to not sign anything and get herself her own lawyer asap. </s>
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WIBTA for refusing to go to parties?
|
when i was turning 25, i planned a massive masquerade party. i asked people almost a year in advance if they would attend if i threw a massive party, it would be expensive and i didn’t want to do something no one showed up to.
everyone i asked said they would show up, they even asked about times, dates and what i wanted for my birthday. i didn’t want gifts, i wanted to celebrate with friends and family. one cousin volunteered to be the dj. my mother was thrilled because i tend to not be the most social of butterflies and cooked everything herself.
the day of the party came and only a few showed, my closest friends, my cousin texted me last minute to say he wouldn’t be able to be the dj. my massive party was suddenly turned to a small bbq.
the few that showed managed to make it special. i was really bummed but concluded that now i didn’t have to go to any of these people’s events or get them a gift for said event.
a neighbor we invited is having a graduation party for their son and i invited them to this party, they didn’t show and i don’t plan on attending their sons graduation, i also stopped buying b-day and holiday gifts for family and friends who didn’t show. am i the asshole for returning the same shit that was dealt to me?
| 512 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bl3qgs/wibta_for_refusing_to_go_to_parties/
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2019-05-05 22:07:26
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nta. they said they would come and then didn't show up, that sucks. as long as you don't mislead them when being invited i don't see any issues with not going to these people's parties. not buying gifts for the friends and family that didn't show is fine too.
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nta
it is common courtesy to let someone know of a change of plans. all the people who ditched your party without letting you know that plans have changed, or did not apologize afterwards, behaved rudely.
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nta - its really disappointing when you go out of your way to arrange something special and people let you down, thinking mostly of your “radio silence” people. at least the others made an attempt at an excuse/?apology.
you may want to avoid their gatherings for a while, but you know what, life is short. grab joy where you can. fuck them for not coming, you go enjoy yourself anyway. they may feel more guilty seeing you being the bigger person (not that making them feel that way should be your intention).
people have their own things going on and they let you down. but you don’t have to respond in kind. if they are still inviting you to things then they haven’t done it to exclude you, they’ve just been bloody unreliable.
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nta
&#x200b;
i learned a long time ago that people for some reason will say yes when asked to come to a party simply because they are afraid to say no or even a maybe.
&#x200b;
i planned a nye party with someone (not even a close friend by any means). it was a disaster. i was expecting at least 30 people. only got maybe 6 people showed and the someone who i planned the party with also did not show.
so now if and when i plan something if i want 30 to show i will invite 100. you really have to over invite and also assume a small percentage will show up.
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nta, it's their choice if they wanted to go to your party, just like it's your choice if you want to go to theirs. you spent lots of time planning your party, and it sucks that people lied about being able to go. there's nothing wrong with not going to their parties.
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nta. i'd go with a case by case scenario as some people may have legit reasons. but also just, they knew it meant a lot to you, are they great friends anyway? probably a lot of them aren't so it seems reasonable to not celebrate for people who aren't great friends.
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nah. the one rule of big party planning is to overinvite by 500%. only 20% of people ever show up because they believe their absence won't be noticed at a big party
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esh. dick move by your friends who rsvpd yes, but throwing spiteful remarks (“hey, now we’re even,”) and staying home just for the sake of trying to make them feel the hurt you felt seems like a pretty big waste of your energy. if you’re truly hurt, have an honest conversation with them about why your feelings are hurt. spend your time with people who add value and happiness to your life, whether they were able to make it to your party or not. i don’t think you’ll regret being the bigger person here, typically spite and revenge aren’t personality traits that people are looking for in a friend.
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nta but this isn’t an unfortunate experience the popular avoid either. committing to an event is always a social challenge especially when there is work or money required upfront. people are notoriously flakey. i would chalk one up to an experience and stop harming yourself with vindictive thoughts and energy. being social and making an effort to have have fun with your friends and care about them
regardless is worth a little reasonable pride swallowing.
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ywbta if you said you were going to come and then cancel at the last moment or just don't show (even if they did it to you).
but if you don't want to go and never said you were going then nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.112 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when i was turning 25, i planned a massive masquerade party. i asked people almost a year in advance if they would attend if i threw a massive party, it would be expensive and i didn’t want to do something no one showed up to. everyone i asked said they would show up, they even asked about times, dates and what i wanted for my birthday. i didn’t want gifts, i wanted to celebrate with friends and family. one cousin volunteered to be the dj. my mother was thrilled because i tend to not be the most social of butterflies and cooked everything herself. the day of the party came and only a few showed, my closest friends, my cousin texted me last minute to say he wouldn’t be able to be the dj. my massive party was suddenly turned to a small bbq. the few that showed managed to make it special. i was really bummed but concluded that now i didn’t have to go to any of these people’s events or get them a gift for said event. a neighbor we invited is having a graduation party for their son and i invited them to this party, they didn’t show and i don’t plan on attending their sons graduation, i also stopped buying b-day and holiday gifts for family and friends who didn’t show. am i the asshole for returning the same shit that was dealt to me?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
when i was turning 25, i planned a massive masquerade party. i asked people almost a year in advance if they would attend if i threw a massive party, it would be expensive and i didn’t want to do something no one showed up to. everyone i asked said they would show up, they even asked about times, dates and what i wanted for my birthday. i didn’t want gifts, i wanted to celebrate with friends and family. one cousin volunteered to be the dj. my mother was thrilled because i tend to not be the most social of butterflies and cooked everything herself. the day of the party came and only a few showed, my closest friends, my cousin texted me last minute to say he wouldn’t be able to be the dj. my massive party was suddenly turned to a small bbq. the few that showed managed to make it special. i was really bummed but concluded that now i didn’t have to go to any of these people’s events or get them a gift for said event. a neighbor we invited is having a graduation party for their son and i invited them to this party, they didn’t show and i don’t plan on attending their sons graduation, i also stopped buying b-day and holiday gifts for family and friends who didn’t show. am i the asshole for returning the same shit that was dealt to me? [/INST] nta. they said they would come and then didn't show up, that sucks. as long as you don't mislead them when being invited i don't see any issues with not going to these people's parties. not buying gifts for the friends and family that didn't show is fine too. </s>
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AITA for not rushing to my partners aid after he burnt himself on an iron?
|
so, my partner (43m) has an irritating habit of ironing on the bed. yesterday morning he did this while i (26f) was making him his morning hot drink. i brought the drink to him and said "shouldn't you take the iron off the bed?". he rolled his eyes and said "just fucking leave it out" (he acts as though i'm nagging and will never admit he's made any sort of mistake, in any sense). i passed him his tea and he sat down, immediately jumping up and throwing the drink everywhere. he'd sat on the iron, burning himself. i did not give a single shit. i immediately started to switch off the plug sockets that the drink had spilt into and was more concerned with cleaning up the drink. he stormed out for work that morning and gave me nothing but the cold shoulder all day. i made his dinner for work, which he usually says thank you for, he just picked it up and left. leaving the door open behind him. i thought maybe he was embarrassed so i left him. later on that day i had a message from him saying i was insensitive and that i cared more about the plugs than him. he's right.
i simply cannot pull myself to care about the burn, although it is quite bad. i warned him. simply because he hates (really hates) being told what to do by a woman, he burnt himself with his own ego as far as i'm concerned.
he sent me vile messages all day. came home and continued to treat me awfully. last night he asked me for a blowjob. i told him no, i want an apology for the way you've spoke to me today.
he is insisting that i've acted completely out of order. the way i see it, i warned him the iron needed to be moved, he didn't want to listen. he didn't want to listen just because i had said it. i am so fucked off with this situation. maybe i am insensitive, maybe he should have just fucking listened to me in the first place.
| 174 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vbag3q/aita_for_not_rushing_to_my_partners_aid_after_he/
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2022-06-13 11:55:10
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nta. just leave him, he sounds awful in general at best and got the consequences of his idiotic actions.
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nta today, but if you are with him tomorrow yta.
he is the iron on the bed and today he burned you.
if he burns you again, that is on you.
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nta. maybe you should be alone. better than being with a insecure guy who hates being told what to do by a woman.
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he was almost a grown adult when you were born, it's no wonder you can't see eye to eye. this isn't about an iron, this is about massive generational differences.
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nta. it's a wonder his insisting on ironing on the bed instead of an ironing board hasn't burned bedding or worse. why on earth would he lay a hot iron on the bed to begin with?! as far as i can see, him getting burned is a consequence of his own actions.
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nta - he brought this on himself. there’s a reason that older, abusive (verbally and emotionally), and misogynistic men date younger women. looks like you’re maybe at your breaking point, at 26 you’ve matured past him already. this guy will not improve so you need to decide if this is the life you want.
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nta. i'm going to turn your own argument against you in this case, so i apologize in advance. if you know the man treats you horribly, and you continue to allow it, why are you coming to the aita? you need to listen to yourself - you know he is going to "burn" you ... why do you allow it?
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nta. and you should leave.
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the reason a 43 yo is dating a 26 yo is because a woman his own age won't put up with his shit.
and neither should you. get out! get out and create a happy life for yourself. and never, never give blowjobs to morons.
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nta, it sounds like this guy still needs his mummy and his blanky. if he can take his fingers out of his ears for a moment and stop saying 'lalalala' then i would grab the opportunity to inform him, he is dumped and then change the locks. this 'child' is not your responsibility.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, my partner (43m) has an irritating habit of ironing on the bed. yesterday morning he did this while i (26f) was making him his morning hot drink. i brought the drink to him and said "shouldn't you take the iron off the bed?". he rolled his eyes and said "just fucking leave it out" (he acts as though i'm nagging and will never admit he's made any sort of mistake, in any sense). i passed him his tea and he sat down, immediately jumping up and throwing the drink everywhere. he'd sat on the iron, burning himself. i did not give a single shit. i immediately started to switch off the plug sockets that the drink had spilt into and was more concerned with cleaning up the drink. he stormed out for work that morning and gave me nothing but the cold shoulder all day. i made his dinner for work, which he usually says thank you for, he just picked it up and left. leaving the door open behind him. i thought maybe he was embarrassed so i left him. later on that day i had a message from him saying i was insensitive and that i cared more about the plugs than him. he's right. i simply cannot pull myself to care about the burn, although it is quite bad. i warned him. simply because he hates (really hates) being told what to do by a woman, he burnt himself with his own ego as far as i'm concerned. he sent me vile messages all day. came home and continued to treat me awfully. last night he asked me for a blowjob. i told him no, i want an apology for the way you've spoke to me today. he is insisting that i've acted completely out of order. the way i see it, i warned him the iron needed to be moved, he didn't want to listen. he didn't want to listen just because i had said it. i am so fucked off with this situation. maybe i am insensitive, maybe he should have just fucking listened to me in the first place.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, my partner (43m) has an irritating habit of ironing on the bed. yesterday morning he did this while i (26f) was making him his morning hot drink. i brought the drink to him and said "shouldn't you take the iron off the bed?". he rolled his eyes and said "just fucking leave it out" (he acts as though i'm nagging and will never admit he's made any sort of mistake, in any sense). i passed him his tea and he sat down, immediately jumping up and throwing the drink everywhere. he'd sat on the iron, burning himself. i did not give a single shit. i immediately started to switch off the plug sockets that the drink had spilt into and was more concerned with cleaning up the drink. he stormed out for work that morning and gave me nothing but the cold shoulder all day. i made his dinner for work, which he usually says thank you for, he just picked it up and left. leaving the door open behind him. i thought maybe he was embarrassed so i left him. later on that day i had a message from him saying i was insensitive and that i cared more about the plugs than him. he's right. i simply cannot pull myself to care about the burn, although it is quite bad. i warned him. simply because he hates (really hates) being told what to do by a woman, he burnt himself with his own ego as far as i'm concerned. he sent me vile messages all day. came home and continued to treat me awfully. last night he asked me for a blowjob. i told him no, i want an apology for the way you've spoke to me today. he is insisting that i've acted completely out of order. the way i see it, i warned him the iron needed to be moved, he didn't want to listen. he didn't want to listen just because i had said it. i am so fucked off with this situation. maybe i am insensitive, maybe he should have just fucking listened to me in the first place. [/INST] nta. just leave him, he sounds awful in general at best and got the consequences of his idiotic actions. </s>
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AITA for hesitating to take my boyfriend to the emergency room?
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my boyfriend has been to the emergency room 4 times in the last year, each time ended as no real emergency and just elevated blood pressure. among that, he has been to the doctor over very minor occurrences such as leg muscle twitching from sitting in a chair. he has had several anxiety attacks where he claims his heart is racing and i have to talk him out of focusing on his heart and just drinking lots of water and slowing his breathing. he drinks alcohol frequently throughout the week and in large quantities (i kept track of what he brought in each night and counted 409 drinks since january of 2022). he also smokes weed several times a day. i believe that this is causing elevated blood pressure and spikes in heart rate.
he constantly is monitoring his heart rate using apps and works himself up into thinking he has a heart condition. if monitor says anywhere around 100-120 while standing just for 10-20 minutes he becomes anxious.
yesterday it happened again. he was sitting on the couch, completely calm. then he checked his heart rate on his phone and felt his neck. all of sudden he stood up yelling he needs to go to the hospital. he suddenly started shaking, crying, breathing fast - clearly a panic attack. i told him to lay down on the couch and to not look at the monitor, i got him some water. he splashed the water on his face instead of drinking it and just fought with me for 20 minutes - claiming the heart monitor app shows he has atrial fibrillation. he claimed if we don’t go now they won’t catch it. it became clear to me he is looking up stuff online and trying to self diagnose. he was getting more worked up and kept begging me to take him. i eventually did because he would not become calm.
when we got there, his entire demeanor changed. he became calm when filling out the paper work - all the supposed afib symptoms just disappeared. the doctor checked him and said he had low electrolytes and magnesium, which was causing the odd heart rate. they also showed his blood pressure to be high, which has been constant for awhile now. they gave him a saline and magnesium iv and sent him home. he did not tell the doctor the night before he had drank 6-8 tall boy beers and had done so 3-4 times this week as well.
now he is trying to make me feel bad for not taking him right away, claiming it was a “real condition” and not in his head. he claims if i had taken him right away it would have “gotten better sooner” - he was only there for 2 hours they gave him an iv. i told him it’s not a condition but his body reacting to him constantly abusing substances and he is creating anxiety around it by focusing on his heart instead of hydrating, cutting substance use, and eating better. he thinks i’m being cruel and denying his “condition”. aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uax95n/aita_for_hesitating_to_take_my_boyfriend_to_the/
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2022-04-24 15:31:26
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nta. i have zero sympathy for someone that doesn’t try. he needs to change his diet, cut out alcohol, exercise, and then we can talk. the rest is drama.
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nah bf has psychological and substance abuse problems, and maybe an underlying metabolic problem. he's right that he needs to seek medical care. he's wrong to think that the emergency room is the right place to seek that care. an er doc has to treat the acute symptoms in front of him. he can't treat a chronic condition.
i think you are wrong to think that advising bf to take care of himself is going to solve anything. he has an anxiety disorder that he can't cure himself. but that doesn't make you an ah - clearly you have good intentions.
he's also not an ah for thinking he needs er visits. panic does create symptoms that are similar to serious medical issues. and alcohol is a common way for anxiety sufferers to self-medicate.
i'd be dragging this man to a highly-recommended psychologist who specialized in anxiety disorders at your nearest academic medical center.
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nta
from this story he clearly is not doing his body any favors and shouldn't be surprised that he doesn't feel well. this really sounds like an addict with acute anxiety that is so bad he can't even 'self-medicate' his way out of it.
addicts don't end well and you will only waste your life trying to take care of them.
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he has a real condition for sure! he's suffering with anxiety and would benefit hugely from speaking to a therapist. drinking alcohol is a (bad) coping mechanism. please help him seek help for his mental health.
also drinking water is not going to help in any huge way when he's in the middle of a panic attack
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nta. just ask yourself if this is how you want to live the rest of your life
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your boyfriend sounds like me about 10 years ago!
i was a barista during the day and a bartender at night--which meant i drank a lot of coffee and booze. and smoked weed and cigarettes constantly. prior to getting those jobs, i'd been homeless for a couple of years after dropping out of college, which happened as the result of a nervous breakdown and untreated mental illness. which happened because of familial abuse (physical abuse from my father, being kicked out of the house the week before graduating high school, etc.)
so i'd basically been on a rollercoaster of instability, repressed trauma and living in "survival mode" for years.
despite all the "coping mechanisms", it *seemed* like things were better and more stable than they had been in years. i was working and had a place to live and a partner.
then i started having panic attacks in my sleep--like i'd wake up feeling like i was having a heart attack. then it started happening while i was awake. i went to the emergency room several times, and i was absolutely convinced that there was something physically wrong with me. despite being diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder, i didn't believe that *feelings* could cause that kind of physical reaction. i eventually stopped drinking, smoking, drinking caffeine, eating pretty much anything but vegetables... not because i wanted to, but because i was so scared i was going to die that i just stopped doing everything.
it didn't really help. yeah, i seemed "healthier", but i wound up losing weight to a dangerous degree, and the panic attacks kept coming.
i finally got a therapist. it didn't stop the panic attacks, but it slowed them down a bit. and then a bit more. and a bit more. i remember that, despite the improvement, i still felt so skeptical about the idea that anxiety could cause all these physical symptoms. and i remember asking the therapist one day, feeling frustrated and defiant, "even if this is all because of anxiety, why is it happening now? i'm more stable now than i've ever been in my life! i'm not homeless, i'm not being abused, i'm fine!"
and her response fucking blew me away: "have you considered that it's all happening now because there was no time or space for it to happen earlier? when you're living in an emergency every day, that can take up all your energy and focus--there's no room to be anxious because you're too busy just trying to survive. but all that stress and all those emotions that you didn't have the time or space to feel, it doesn't just go away. it's still in there. and now it's coming out. and maybe it's coming out as these intense, seemingly life-threatening panic attacks, because *that's the only way your body knows to get your attention*. you've been able to ignore your feelings so effectively, for so long, that something inside you realized that a strong physical reaction is the only thing that's going to get your attention."
i was blown away. she was 100% right. i'd become so used to ignoring myself, disregarding myself, ignoring anything that wasn't so bad that it might actually kill me, that... feeling physical distress was the only way i could recognize something was wrong.
this is really long and rambling at this point, but i wanted to share all this because... i don't know your bf's life or his history, but i know pretty well what he's going through in terms of panic attacks and coping mechanisms. you're nta, and your bf's anxiety is not yours to fix. that's his responsibility. that being said, if you do love him and he wants to make this work with you, he needs to acknowledge what's going on, he needs to get help, and he needs to do it now. if you can find it in yourself to be patient and loving while holding a firm boundary that he needs to get help, then there's a pretty good chance this will work out.
clearly everyone's experiences are different. i got lucky with my first therapist and didn't wind up taking medication--your bf might need to try multiple therapists and/or medication. i was able to go back to moderate drinking and weed use (although i still don't drink caffeine or smoke cigarettes anymore) without any issues, but some people might need to maintain total sobriety. i had a loving partner who stuck with me through this, and our 6 year wedding anniversary is in a few months--you may decide this relationship isn't working for you, regardless of his anxiety, and you need to feel free to leave if that's what's best for you.
good luck to you both ❤️
(edited for spelling.)
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nta. if he wants to call himself an ambulance - and pay for it! - i assume he knows how to use the phone. don't waste your life on a hypochondriac addict.
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goddamn your boyfriend sounds annoying, sorry you have to deal with this.
real men consume their drugs and bravely embrace the crippling paranoias and anxieties
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nta
your boyfriend has bad anxiety and is self-medicating through alcohol and other drugs (thc in this case.) he will not get better until he gets to the root of the problem, which is treating the anxiety with medication or/and therapy as well as treatment for aud/sud
you cannot force him to do any of that. keeping track of his drinking to the level you know the exact number of drinks he had (and btw, if a tall boy is ~20 oz, he actually consumed 10-14 standard drinks assuming the beers were 4.5% abv, which is an incredibly concerning amount to consume 4-5 nights in a week) is only going to harm you mentally. i strongly suggest finding a support group for family of alcoholics/addicts (but do not recommend al anon for various reasons) or/and a therapist to begin healing yourself and examining exactly how toxic this relationship is for you.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.000893 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend has been to the emergency room 4 times in the last year, each time ended as no real emergency and just elevated blood pressure. among that, he has been to the doctor over very minor occurrences such as leg muscle twitching from sitting in a chair. he has had several anxiety attacks where he claims his heart is racing and i have to talk him out of focusing on his heart and just drinking lots of water and slowing his breathing. he drinks alcohol frequently throughout the week and in large quantities (i kept track of what he brought in each night and counted 409 drinks since january of 2022). he also smokes weed several times a day. i believe that this is causing elevated blood pressure and spikes in heart rate. he constantly is monitoring his heart rate using apps and works himself up into thinking he has a heart condition. if monitor says anywhere around 100-120 while standing just for 10-20 minutes he becomes anxious. yesterday it happened again. he was sitting on the couch, completely calm. then he checked his heart rate on his phone and felt his neck. all of sudden he stood up yelling he needs to go to the hospital. he suddenly started shaking, crying, breathing fast - clearly a panic attack. i told him to lay down on the couch and to not look at the monitor, i got him some water. he splashed the water on his face instead of drinking it and just fought with me for 20 minutes - claiming the heart monitor app shows he has atrial fibrillation. he claimed if we don’t go now they won’t catch it. it became clear to me he is looking up stuff online and trying to self diagnose. he was getting more worked up and kept begging me to take him. i eventually did because he would not become calm. when we got there, his entire demeanor changed. he became calm when filling out the paper work - all the supposed afib symptoms just disappeared. the doctor checked him and said he had low electrolytes and magnesium, which was causing the odd heart rate. they also showed his blood pressure to be high, which has been constant for awhile now. they gave him a saline and magnesium iv and sent him home. he did not tell the doctor the night before he had drank 6-8 tall boy beers and had done so 3-4 times this week as well. now he is trying to make me feel bad for not taking him right away, claiming it was a “real condition” and not in his head. he claims if i had taken him right away it would have “gotten better sooner” - he was only there for 2 hours they gave him an iv. i told him it’s not a condition but his body reacting to him constantly abusing substances and he is creating anxiety around it by focusing on his heart instead of hydrating, cutting substance use, and eating better. he thinks i’m being cruel and denying his “condition”. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend has been to the emergency room 4 times in the last year, each time ended as no real emergency and just elevated blood pressure. among that, he has been to the doctor over very minor occurrences such as leg muscle twitching from sitting in a chair. he has had several anxiety attacks where he claims his heart is racing and i have to talk him out of focusing on his heart and just drinking lots of water and slowing his breathing. he drinks alcohol frequently throughout the week and in large quantities (i kept track of what he brought in each night and counted 409 drinks since january of 2022). he also smokes weed several times a day. i believe that this is causing elevated blood pressure and spikes in heart rate. he constantly is monitoring his heart rate using apps and works himself up into thinking he has a heart condition. if monitor says anywhere around 100-120 while standing just for 10-20 minutes he becomes anxious. yesterday it happened again. he was sitting on the couch, completely calm. then he checked his heart rate on his phone and felt his neck. all of sudden he stood up yelling he needs to go to the hospital. he suddenly started shaking, crying, breathing fast - clearly a panic attack. i told him to lay down on the couch and to not look at the monitor, i got him some water. he splashed the water on his face instead of drinking it and just fought with me for 20 minutes - claiming the heart monitor app shows he has atrial fibrillation. he claimed if we don’t go now they won’t catch it. it became clear to me he is looking up stuff online and trying to self diagnose. he was getting more worked up and kept begging me to take him. i eventually did because he would not become calm. when we got there, his entire demeanor changed. he became calm when filling out the paper work - all the supposed afib symptoms just disappeared. the doctor checked him and said he had low electrolytes and magnesium, which was causing the odd heart rate. they also showed his blood pressure to be high, which has been constant for awhile now. they gave him a saline and magnesium iv and sent him home. he did not tell the doctor the night before he had drank 6-8 tall boy beers and had done so 3-4 times this week as well. now he is trying to make me feel bad for not taking him right away, claiming it was a “real condition” and not in his head. he claims if i had taken him right away it would have “gotten better sooner” - he was only there for 2 hours they gave him an iv. i told him it’s not a condition but his body reacting to him constantly abusing substances and he is creating anxiety around it by focusing on his heart instead of hydrating, cutting substance use, and eating better. he thinks i’m being cruel and denying his “condition”. aita? [/INST] nta. i have zero sympathy for someone that doesn’t try. he needs to change his diet, cut out alcohol, exercise, and then we can talk. the rest is drama. </s>
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AITA for saying I won't go to therapy anymore?
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this is the deal: my sister (14f) and i (17m) have been in therapy together for 6 months now. we were close when she was little and then our mom died and our dad remarried. my sister adores dad's wife and called her mom from almost the beginning and then she later adopted her. dad's wife wanted to adopt me too but i didn't want to be adopted and i was never in the mindset that she was now my mom. i was 9 when she and dad married and my sister was 6.
my sister has always been bothered by my not calling dad's wife mom and by turning down the adoption. she corrects me when i say stepmother or dad's wife and i correct her if she says our mom (i don't correct her when she says my mom when talking about their relationship). it has caused many problems. my dad put me into therapy and tried to find some reason for me to say no to the adoption, saying it was a good thing to have happen. he also wanted me to drop the step occasionally where i never considered her my mom and i was go as far as saying i don't count her in terms of my parents. my dad's wife has made it clear she would love to adopt me still and wants me to consider it.
my relationship with my sister has gone to hell. we argue a lot. she's hurt i reject our stepmother as my mom. i hate the way she expects me to call stepmom *mom* and allow her to adopt me. i started to avoid her because of the arguing. she started telling everyone who would listen that i was wrong. dad got us therapy together when i declared in the middle of her correcting me and saying how wrong i am that i could not wait to move out because i won't have to deal with this shit.
we're on our second therapist but therapy doesn't help. my sister has talked about how much more secure she would feel if i called our stepmother *mom* and how much it hurts her that i don't love the woman to embraced us and how she feels like we're less siblings because of it. the therapists both tried to help explain it to her to no avail and she's on me worse than before because she has heard my feelings from me.
i said i was done with therapy. i told my dad our relationship might just be a lost cause until she can let it go. he told me i can't stop therapy and i would be an asshole to stop when it's important for our family.
aita?
| 1,829 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z6wjkw/aita_for_saying_i_wont_go_to_therapy_anymore/
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2022-11-28 13:26:14
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nta, but since the therapist is on your side here, maybe you can enlist their help in convincing your dad that your sister is the one who needs to come to terms with it being okay for you two to have different feelings on this, and that individual therapy might help get to the root of why she can’t let it go.
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nta - your parents are mis-using therapy to try to bend you to their will. there is nothing wrong with you still not feeling as close to your step as you do to your bio mom.
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use therapy to help your sister and dad understand and come to terms with your decision. it seems both therapists were on your side!
nta
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nta, fact of the matter is, if your dad remarried when she was 6, she probably doesn't remember your real mom at all, but you definitely do.
you both aren't that far off in years in the grand scheme of things, but in regards to those years of cognitive memory development, you two are aeons apart.
i would just say that, "you don't remember our real mom, but i do, and i can't replace her as easily as you can because i remember her, but i can understand that you can't and just want to be able to have a mom. for me though, i had my mom, and she's still important to me and still my mom even if she's not here".
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nta.
your sis and dad are cruel for emotionally manipulating you.
they can't even have an open mind to what your therapists said.
it's not your choice your dad remarried that women, but it is your choice to call her mom or not.
continue the therapy yourself for the emotional scars **they** have made. try to get better. save money. move out.
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nta but would encourage you to switch to private individual therapy where you can have privacy & confidentiality regarding your inner world & validation with your boundaries. also you don't need to an emotional open book to people who disrespect your boundaries.
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>we're on our second therapist but therapy doesn't help. my sister has talked about how much more secure she would feel if i called our stepmother mom and how much it hurts her that i don't love the woman to embraced us and how she feels like we're less siblings because of it.
you're not obkigsted to ignore your feelings on the matter to make your sister feel better.
your sister's emotions are her own to manage, not yours.
nta
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nta talk to the therapist and ask if a session with the whole family will help them understand it’s okay for you stand your ground. the therapist should help them understand pushing you to bend to your sister’s will is hurting your relationship.
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nta. your sister needs therapy for sure though. she's projecting her own hurt about losing her mamma onto you. if you accept a new mom, then she can ignore the old one. request a solo therapist or ask the therapist to meet with you separately from your sister.
dad, however?? he needs to back off or he will lose you. he's already really close, i'll bet.
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nta. relationships go both ways, you have to respect each others feelings & opinions. your sister just wants things her way, or no way at all. so, it's no way at all... period. you can't be forced to therapy if she's not willing to listen. she does not validate your feelings, sounds to me like she needs the therapy more than you do, but it's just not helping her. yeah, she's a lost cause & i do not blame you one bit for wanting to move out of there as soon as you possibly can. a sister who is not willing to meet you somewhere in the middle, a dad who is forcing you to go to therapy, & a stepmom whom you obviously don't see as your mom cannot make for a happy home life. so sorry you're going through all this! wish you the best in your life & your future away from that house.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is the deal: my sister (14f) and i (17m) have been in therapy together for 6 months now. we were close when she was little and then our mom died and our dad remarried. my sister adores dad's wife and called her mom from almost the beginning and then she later adopted her. dad's wife wanted to adopt me too but i didn't want to be adopted and i was never in the mindset that she was now my mom. i was 9 when she and dad married and my sister was 6. my sister has always been bothered by my not calling dad's wife mom and by turning down the adoption. she corrects me when i say stepmother or dad's wife and i correct her if she says our mom (i don't correct her when she says my mom when talking about their relationship). it has caused many problems. my dad put me into therapy and tried to find some reason for me to say no to the adoption, saying it was a good thing to have happen. he also wanted me to drop the step occasionally where i never considered her my mom and i was go as far as saying i don't count her in terms of my parents. my dad's wife has made it clear she would love to adopt me still and wants me to consider it. my relationship with my sister has gone to hell. we argue a lot. she's hurt i reject our stepmother as my mom. i hate the way she expects me to call stepmom *mom* and allow her to adopt me. i started to avoid her because of the arguing. she started telling everyone who would listen that i was wrong. dad got us therapy together when i declared in the middle of her correcting me and saying how wrong i am that i could not wait to move out because i won't have to deal with this shit. we're on our second therapist but therapy doesn't help. my sister has talked about how much more secure she would feel if i called our stepmother *mom* and how much it hurts her that i don't love the woman to embraced us and how she feels like we're less siblings because of it. the therapists both tried to help explain it to her to no avail and she's on me worse than before because she has heard my feelings from me. i said i was done with therapy. i told my dad our relationship might just be a lost cause until she can let it go. he told me i can't stop therapy and i would be an asshole to stop when it's important for our family. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is the deal: my sister (14f) and i (17m) have been in therapy together for 6 months now. we were close when she was little and then our mom died and our dad remarried. my sister adores dad's wife and called her mom from almost the beginning and then she later adopted her. dad's wife wanted to adopt me too but i didn't want to be adopted and i was never in the mindset that she was now my mom. i was 9 when she and dad married and my sister was 6. my sister has always been bothered by my not calling dad's wife mom and by turning down the adoption. she corrects me when i say stepmother or dad's wife and i correct her if she says our mom (i don't correct her when she says my mom when talking about their relationship). it has caused many problems. my dad put me into therapy and tried to find some reason for me to say no to the adoption, saying it was a good thing to have happen. he also wanted me to drop the step occasionally where i never considered her my mom and i was go as far as saying i don't count her in terms of my parents. my dad's wife has made it clear she would love to adopt me still and wants me to consider it. my relationship with my sister has gone to hell. we argue a lot. she's hurt i reject our stepmother as my mom. i hate the way she expects me to call stepmom *mom* and allow her to adopt me. i started to avoid her because of the arguing. she started telling everyone who would listen that i was wrong. dad got us therapy together when i declared in the middle of her correcting me and saying how wrong i am that i could not wait to move out because i won't have to deal with this shit. we're on our second therapist but therapy doesn't help. my sister has talked about how much more secure she would feel if i called our stepmother *mom* and how much it hurts her that i don't love the woman to embraced us and how she feels like we're less siblings because of it. the therapists both tried to help explain it to her to no avail and she's on me worse than before because she has heard my feelings from me. i said i was done with therapy. i told my dad our relationship might just be a lost cause until she can let it go. he told me i can't stop therapy and i would be an asshole to stop when it's important for our family. aita? [/INST] nta, but since the therapist is on your side here, maybe you can enlist their help in convincing your dad that your sister is the one who needs to come to terms with it being okay for you two to have different feelings on this, and that individual therapy might help get to the root of why she can’t let it go. </s>
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AITA For Upsetting My Pregnant Sister?
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so... this is a really odd situation, for me personally, but somehow i'm the bad guy in all of this.
this involves me (28f), my sister (34) and my mum (55).
as a bit of info to add, my sister basically only ever speaks to our mum when she wants something, i.e; money or stuff for her kids. my mum has complained to me about this in the past, saying how much it hurts and upsets her and how she feels unloved by my sister because of this.
i don't have much of a relationship with my sister as she rarely talks to me, we might as well be strangers at this point and i'll admit it is hurtful for me. i've been going through a really tough time these past five years and no one has really bothered with me or asked how i am, sometimes it can get to me. anyway, i recently received a gift voucher for something but i wasn't sure if i wanted to use it, i told my mum about it and she said my sister could benefit off it. i was reluctant due to my sister's habit of only bothering with family when she wants something, so i said 'we'll see...' hoping that would be the end of it.
fast-forward a few days later and i get a text from my sister asking me how i was doing, i let my guard slip a bit and genuinely felt happy she was making an effort, only for her text to follow up with, yup, you guessed it, her own self-interest. mum had told her about the voucher making it sound like i was promising it to her. i don't know what came over me, but i burst into tears because i genuinely thought she wanted to know how i was. i know it sounds silly, but it hurt me for some reason. i texted her back saying 'oh, so that's why you're messaging me.' she tried to say how the voucher had nothing to do with her reaching out to me, but i knew it had everything to do with it. she then sent me a text and i could practically hear the passive-aggressive guilt trip from the 'don't worry about it' she sent me.
i then texted mum about it and, rather than back me up, she was on my sister's side saying i was being unreasonable and that i've now made my sister cry. i told mum that she's always complaining about my sister taking advantage of her, so how was i suppose to think? especially when my sister always does this! but now according to my mum, i'm the ah.
did i overreact and am definitely ta? or was i right in my actions?
| 2,471 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oduq5s/aita_for_upsetting_my_pregnant_sister/
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2021-07-04 22:42:40
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nta. i totally understand why you started crying. it's not silly at all to be hurt by thinking someone was caring about you only to find out that they just wanted something from you. she got upset because manipulating you didn't work, and so she's trying a different way to manipulate you. stand your ground and know that you deserve to be treated well.
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nta. your mother enables your sister's behavior to "keep the peace." you're not an a-hole for refusing to as well. besides, can't really say peace is being kept if people have to walk on eggshells just to prevent your sister from going off the rails.
by the way, your feelings aren't stupid. this is a rough situation to be in. it only makes sense that you'd feel hurt. be kind to yourself. best of luck op
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nta. i would stand your ground here because you deserve better than to be used like that. that's honestly heartbreaking that she feigned interest in how you're doing before cutting straight to the chase. she was probably hoping to play on your compassion, sympathy, and love, hoping that her feigned interest would soften you up.
i might limit contact with your mom some until this subject gets dropped just for your own mental health.
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nta. turn it around.
your sister should be asking “aita for only contacting my sister because she had a free voucher i could use, and then being passive-aggressive towards when she cried? she thought i was only contacting her to get something, and i was, but it pissed me off that she was right so i complained to our mother.”
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nta
moochers always play victim when getting called out.
i would rather flush the voucher in the toilet than give it to an entitled woman like her.
and your mom is enabling that behaviour, so the next time she cries to you bout her, tell her she is partly to blame for how her daughter is and she's reaping what she sowed.
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nta your sister's motive couldn't be more transparent. your mother was so wrong to put you in that position in order to ingratiate herself with your sister.
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nta
if you’ve felt she hasn’t made the effort with you over the years, especially if you’ve had a tough time then it’s totally reasonable to be upset when she only gets in touch for something that benefits her.
your mum likely wants to keep the peace and doesn’t want her daughters fighting, however i wonder if she knows how much your sister’s apathy towards you has affected your relationship.
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nta. your sister sounds like a really selfish person.
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i can promise you that just because a woman is pregnant does not mean that she is untouchable. you're allowed to express your emotions to her and what you said was actually not bad. it was blunt but you didn't say anything bad. her crying doesn't mean you did anything wrong. pregnant women are not so fragile that they can't cry when they did something wrong and got called out. you're nta.
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nta, maybe your mum is siding with your sister so your sister doesn't distance from her anymore than she already has. it's her way of staying on your sister's good side. but it isn't acceptable behaviour. i don't mind people asking me for favours, but hell make some effort before asking. especially if we haven't spoken in a while.
and just because your sister is pregnant doesn't mean she's entitled to everything. she doesn't get a pass to treat others unkindly.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so... this is a really odd situation, for me personally, but somehow i'm the bad guy in all of this. this involves me (28f), my sister (34) and my mum (55). as a bit of info to add, my sister basically only ever speaks to our mum when she wants something, i.e; money or stuff for her kids. my mum has complained to me about this in the past, saying how much it hurts and upsets her and how she feels unloved by my sister because of this. i don't have much of a relationship with my sister as she rarely talks to me, we might as well be strangers at this point and i'll admit it is hurtful for me. i've been going through a really tough time these past five years and no one has really bothered with me or asked how i am, sometimes it can get to me. anyway, i recently received a gift voucher for something but i wasn't sure if i wanted to use it, i told my mum about it and she said my sister could benefit off it. i was reluctant due to my sister's habit of only bothering with family when she wants something, so i said 'we'll see...' hoping that would be the end of it. fast-forward a few days later and i get a text from my sister asking me how i was doing, i let my guard slip a bit and genuinely felt happy she was making an effort, only for her text to follow up with, yup, you guessed it, her own self-interest. mum had told her about the voucher making it sound like i was promising it to her. i don't know what came over me, but i burst into tears because i genuinely thought she wanted to know how i was. i know it sounds silly, but it hurt me for some reason. i texted her back saying 'oh, so that's why you're messaging me.' she tried to say how the voucher had nothing to do with her reaching out to me, but i knew it had everything to do with it. she then sent me a text and i could practically hear the passive-aggressive guilt trip from the 'don't worry about it' she sent me. i then texted mum about it and, rather than back me up, she was on my sister's side saying i was being unreasonable and that i've now made my sister cry. i told mum that she's always complaining about my sister taking advantage of her, so how was i suppose to think? especially when my sister always does this! but now according to my mum, i'm the ah. did i overreact and am definitely ta? or was i right in my actions?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so... this is a really odd situation, for me personally, but somehow i'm the bad guy in all of this. this involves me (28f), my sister (34) and my mum (55). as a bit of info to add, my sister basically only ever speaks to our mum when she wants something, i.e; money or stuff for her kids. my mum has complained to me about this in the past, saying how much it hurts and upsets her and how she feels unloved by my sister because of this. i don't have much of a relationship with my sister as she rarely talks to me, we might as well be strangers at this point and i'll admit it is hurtful for me. i've been going through a really tough time these past five years and no one has really bothered with me or asked how i am, sometimes it can get to me. anyway, i recently received a gift voucher for something but i wasn't sure if i wanted to use it, i told my mum about it and she said my sister could benefit off it. i was reluctant due to my sister's habit of only bothering with family when she wants something, so i said 'we'll see...' hoping that would be the end of it. fast-forward a few days later and i get a text from my sister asking me how i was doing, i let my guard slip a bit and genuinely felt happy she was making an effort, only for her text to follow up with, yup, you guessed it, her own self-interest. mum had told her about the voucher making it sound like i was promising it to her. i don't know what came over me, but i burst into tears because i genuinely thought she wanted to know how i was. i know it sounds silly, but it hurt me for some reason. i texted her back saying 'oh, so that's why you're messaging me.' she tried to say how the voucher had nothing to do with her reaching out to me, but i knew it had everything to do with it. she then sent me a text and i could practically hear the passive-aggressive guilt trip from the 'don't worry about it' she sent me. i then texted mum about it and, rather than back me up, she was on my sister's side saying i was being unreasonable and that i've now made my sister cry. i told mum that she's always complaining about my sister taking advantage of her, so how was i suppose to think? especially when my sister always does this! but now according to my mum, i'm the ah. did i overreact and am definitely ta? or was i right in my actions? [/INST] nta. i totally understand why you started crying. it's not silly at all to be hurt by thinking someone was caring about you only to find out that they just wanted something from you. she got upset because manipulating you didn't work, and so she's trying a different way to manipulate you. stand your ground and know that you deserve to be treated well. </s>
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WIBTA For Not Paying For My Son's Art College?
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i (52m) have one son (17m) and one daughter (30f).
my daughter graduated from her local university with a masters degree in bushiness and has a small start-up that has grown quite tremendously. she is engaged, and the major breadwinner in her relationship, which makes me quite proud!
my son on the other hand... he is less academically interested. throughout high-school he wanted to take only art and music courses. i didn't allow him too, and unfortunately had to resort to the "my house my rules".
however, he says now that he is going to uni, he doesn't have to listen to me, and that he'll move out to one of his friends if i try the "my house my rules crap" as he calls it. he says that he is going to an art uni, and that he has already sent out applications to several, and gotten offers.
so i did the only thing i could... revoking my offer of paying for his university. it breaks my heart, but i feel like i have no choice. i told my son that either he gets a degree that will enable him to have a good chance at getting a job he can live off of, or he can find some other way to pay. my son was understandably pissed when i told him this. he called me an shitty father, and stormed off to his room.
**before you flood the comments with yta, hear out my reasoning.**
i did the same thing my son wants to do, got an art degree, against the wishes of my parents. i was young and excited, but it was not to be. art and music weren't paying my bills, and i got into astronomical debt. then i was evicted from my apartment, and i was homeless for a year.
i had to drag myself back to my parents and beg them to pay for me to go to uni again, this time to get a business degree. i got one, graduated again, and got an office job, and worked hard until i got promotions. then i met my late-wife, and we had the kids.
*so you see, i just don't want my son to make the same mistakes i did. i want him to be able to hold his head high, knowing he can pay his own way and start a family if he so pleases. i don;t want to be controlling, but he needs to put his head on straight and do whats best for him.*
so reddit, aita for this?
**
| 3,151 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwnouc/wibta_for_not_paying_for_my_sons_art_college/
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2020-06-04 18:57:33
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yta you're controlling and it sounds like you've been this way for a long time. it doesn't matter that you failed at your art career. maybe he'll succeed, maybe he'll fail. but being forced to study sth he has no interest in wont help him and having to take on a bunch of debt to follow his dream also wont help him. you're in the process of destroying your relationship with your son just because you think your limited life experience makes you the expert on everything.
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yta
you're exactly what he called you. **you don't get to decide his future**, and shame on you for shaming him for his life choice.
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yta. the fact of the matter is that you're projecting your failures onto your son. if you genuinely want to see him succeed make sure he knows that going to school for art is more about the connections you make than anything.
there are tons of employed artists who make more than enough to survive. depending on what art he's studying, he could actually end up in a pretty lucrative field!
finally, you promised you'd pay for his schooling, so none of the above really even matters. you didn't promise to pay only if he studied a field you found acceptable. keep to your word.
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yta
all you are going to accomplish is to make your son hate you.
art can be a viable career path. just because you failed does not mean that he is going to.
also, you could encourage him to develop marketable skills while still studying art. but now, he will take no guidance from you.
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yta. you should support your child in whatever career choice they may want. you can’t pay for one kid and tell your other kid no. you might not have been successful, but that doesn’t mean that he won’t be. especially when you made the promise earlier to pay for his education.
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i love the end i don't want to be controlling, but you are being very controlling. yta let him pursue is passion. if he fails and didn't listen to you than he has to pay his own way. if this is how he wants to spend is one free try let him. and based on your wording it sounds like you love your daughter more and show it. be careful because you may lose him either way.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (52m) have one son (17m) and one daughter (30f). my daughter graduated from her local university with a masters degree in bushiness and has a small start-up that has grown quite tremendously. she is engaged, and the major breadwinner in her relationship, which makes me quite proud! my son on the other hand... he is less academically interested. throughout high-school he wanted to take only art and music courses. i didn't allow him too, and unfortunately had to resort to the "my house my rules". however, he says now that he is going to uni, he doesn't have to listen to me, and that he'll move out to one of his friends if i try the "my house my rules crap" as he calls it. he says that he is going to an art uni, and that he has already sent out applications to several, and gotten offers. so i did the only thing i could... revoking my offer of paying for his university. it breaks my heart, but i feel like i have no choice. i told my son that either he gets a degree that will enable him to have a good chance at getting a job he can live off of, or he can find some other way to pay. my son was understandably pissed when i told him this. he called me an shitty father, and stormed off to his room. **before you flood the comments with yta, hear out my reasoning.** i did the same thing my son wants to do, got an art degree, against the wishes of my parents. i was young and excited, but it was not to be. art and music weren't paying my bills, and i got into astronomical debt. then i was evicted from my apartment, and i was homeless for a year. i had to drag myself back to my parents and beg them to pay for me to go to uni again, this time to get a business degree. i got one, graduated again, and got an office job, and worked hard until i got promotions. then i met my late-wife, and we had the kids. *so you see, i just don't want my son to make the same mistakes i did. i want him to be able to hold his head high, knowing he can pay his own way and start a family if he so pleases. i don;t want to be controlling, but he needs to put his head on straight and do whats best for him.* so reddit, aita for this? **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (52m) have one son (17m) and one daughter (30f). my daughter graduated from her local university with a masters degree in bushiness and has a small start-up that has grown quite tremendously. she is engaged, and the major breadwinner in her relationship, which makes me quite proud! my son on the other hand... he is less academically interested. throughout high-school he wanted to take only art and music courses. i didn't allow him too, and unfortunately had to resort to the "my house my rules". however, he says now that he is going to uni, he doesn't have to listen to me, and that he'll move out to one of his friends if i try the "my house my rules crap" as he calls it. he says that he is going to an art uni, and that he has already sent out applications to several, and gotten offers. so i did the only thing i could... revoking my offer of paying for his university. it breaks my heart, but i feel like i have no choice. i told my son that either he gets a degree that will enable him to have a good chance at getting a job he can live off of, or he can find some other way to pay. my son was understandably pissed when i told him this. he called me an shitty father, and stormed off to his room. **before you flood the comments with yta, hear out my reasoning.** i did the same thing my son wants to do, got an art degree, against the wishes of my parents. i was young and excited, but it was not to be. art and music weren't paying my bills, and i got into astronomical debt. then i was evicted from my apartment, and i was homeless for a year. i had to drag myself back to my parents and beg them to pay for me to go to uni again, this time to get a business degree. i got one, graduated again, and got an office job, and worked hard until i got promotions. then i met my late-wife, and we had the kids. *so you see, i just don't want my son to make the same mistakes i did. i want him to be able to hold his head high, knowing he can pay his own way and start a family if he so pleases. i don;t want to be controlling, but he needs to put his head on straight and do whats best for him.* so reddit, aita for this? ** [/INST] yta you're controlling and it sounds like you've been this way for a long time. it doesn't matter that you failed at your art career. maybe he'll succeed, maybe he'll fail. but being forced to study sth he has no interest in wont help him and having to take on a bunch of debt to follow his dream also wont help him. you're in the process of destroying your relationship with your son just because you think your limited life experience makes you the expert on everything. </s>
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WIBTAH If I Block my Grandmas Catfish From Her Phone
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i (f18) found out about a man my grandma (70) met through words with friends semi on accident. i was texting somebody for her and exited out, and saw a read text from a man (lets call him jim) with a lot of kissy emojis, hearts, and roses. we have no jims in our family and she has no friends named jim. out of curiosity i opened it, and i wish i never did. they were basically in a long distance relationship and i didnt have the stomach to see how far back their conversations went, and i also knew i was invading her privacy at this point. at the time i found this out, my grandpa (78) was very ill and in hospice. he has since passed. they are still carrying on this long distance relationship, however when i looked at their conversations i saw a pattern of him saying typical catfish excuses as to why he cant call her, that he needs her to send him money (she has literally no money to spare) and on her end, it just seemed like she was venting to him about how stressed she was financially and mentally because of my grandpas illness. she is also disabled on top of all this. along with the venting was the occasional sweet nothings. its definitely more on his end and the way he talks you can tell he is trying to scam her. (saying shit like i can only call you/text you if you buy me a $100 itunes card) wibtah if i deleted his number from her phone as she will just assume he stoped talking to her (he has done it before)? im so scared of her getting her heart broken by him or scammed. i am not good at confrontation and neither is she. i just dont want her to get hurt or really fucked over financially and i dont know what to do.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f55cet/wibtah_if_i_block_my_grandmas_catfish_from_her/
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2020-02-17 07:46:15
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nta, please delete and block him, i would do the exact same for my nan
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i'd contact him directly and let him know i was onto his bs and reporting him to the police if he didnt disappear immediately and keep my name out his mouth. i'm 39, my moms 70 in september...rough situation. my mom isnt senile in any way or the personality for this and i doubt i'd deal with this at least now, but you have to judge the situation based on what you know about your grandma, as far as deleting and blocking, changing contact name, or even informing her of your concerns...whatever the situation for her warrants, use your judgment.
edited to be clear:
i feel like 70 is not an age where it makes sense to expect a woman 2 just accept a deleted contact or to keep her in the blind on her own love life, horrible or not. i get the need to protect and that's why i said i would report him or tell him to disappear but unless she has some sort of mental incapacity i don't know about, i think dignity requires that she be involved regardless. totally my opinion based on my limited knowledge.
really consider her capacities here and if they are what they should be and this isn't out of the blue behavior to anyone in the family closer to her in age, i get it a little more as far as not informing her and making these decisions on her behalf.
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nta legally, you are in he wrong. morally, you are totally in he right. these guys are sometimes not even just regular lowlifes, but sometimes work for terrorist organizations. and people like your grandma are so starved for love that they will do anything. please block his number. you might wanna call the cops too.
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i worked for a bank once and we had a customer, i'll call her a that had about $200k in her savings account. she was in her 70s and i dont think ever married. she would come in twice a week and we would chat and she was just really sweet and very lonely.
one day, she came in and withdrew 2,000 to do a western union, a service that we just started doing at our bank. she said that she had met a man that lives in florida that was out in malaysia or someplace and he was trying to send antiques back to florida because that was his business and he couldn't access his money. i was like, excuse me?!!! i asked her if she had talked to this guy on the phone and she said, "oh yeah, he's coming to visit me an soon as he can get back!" she looked so excited and happy and i had to comply with her request...as she was my customer and it was my job.
she continued to make these $2-6k western union transactions for weeks.
i talked to my bank manager and he basically said to mind my own business as she was an adult and if she wants to keep sending money then she can. i finally went over his head and contacted our central fraud department who told me that i did the right thing and we flagged her account prohibiting us from doing any western union transactions for her....sadly that didn't do much to stop it. instead, she would still come in and take out the money and go across the street to the grocery store to send it. she would always update me on what country he was stuck in and why they hadn't met yet.
she had $4500 in that account when i left the bank 6 months later....it was really sad.
i wanted to tell you this story because i did what i could to help a because she was too overcome by her feelings to be objective to the situation but i still tried. i'd definitely block his number if after talking to her she doesnt see the red flags. we depend on family to help us when we arent able to help ourselves. if a was my grandmother, i would've done a lot more to help her.
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nta for wanting to do it but you can't it will fix nothing and destroy trust between you and your gran. whoever this is will just text her off a new number and they will quickly figure out what has happened. can you talk to your folks or an aunt/uncle about this? or admit to your gran what you saw and tell her your concerns?
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f18) found out about a man my grandma (70) met through words with friends semi on accident. i was texting somebody for her and exited out, and saw a read text from a man (lets call him jim) with a lot of kissy emojis, hearts, and roses. we have no jims in our family and she has no friends named jim. out of curiosity i opened it, and i wish i never did. they were basically in a long distance relationship and i didnt have the stomach to see how far back their conversations went, and i also knew i was invading her privacy at this point. at the time i found this out, my grandpa (78) was very ill and in hospice. he has since passed. they are still carrying on this long distance relationship, however when i looked at their conversations i saw a pattern of him saying typical catfish excuses as to why he cant call her, that he needs her to send him money (she has literally no money to spare) and on her end, it just seemed like she was venting to him about how stressed she was financially and mentally because of my grandpas illness. she is also disabled on top of all this. along with the venting was the occasional sweet nothings. its definitely more on his end and the way he talks you can tell he is trying to scam her. (saying shit like i can only call you/text you if you buy me a $100 itunes card) wibtah if i deleted his number from her phone as she will just assume he stoped talking to her (he has done it before)? im so scared of her getting her heart broken by him or scammed. i am not good at confrontation and neither is she. i just dont want her to get hurt or really fucked over financially and i dont know what to do.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f18) found out about a man my grandma (70) met through words with friends semi on accident. i was texting somebody for her and exited out, and saw a read text from a man (lets call him jim) with a lot of kissy emojis, hearts, and roses. we have no jims in our family and she has no friends named jim. out of curiosity i opened it, and i wish i never did. they were basically in a long distance relationship and i didnt have the stomach to see how far back their conversations went, and i also knew i was invading her privacy at this point. at the time i found this out, my grandpa (78) was very ill and in hospice. he has since passed. they are still carrying on this long distance relationship, however when i looked at their conversations i saw a pattern of him saying typical catfish excuses as to why he cant call her, that he needs her to send him money (she has literally no money to spare) and on her end, it just seemed like she was venting to him about how stressed she was financially and mentally because of my grandpas illness. she is also disabled on top of all this. along with the venting was the occasional sweet nothings. its definitely more on his end and the way he talks you can tell he is trying to scam her. (saying shit like i can only call you/text you if you buy me a $100 itunes card) wibtah if i deleted his number from her phone as she will just assume he stoped talking to her (he has done it before)? im so scared of her getting her heart broken by him or scammed. i am not good at confrontation and neither is she. i just dont want her to get hurt or really fucked over financially and i dont know what to do. [/INST] nta, please delete and block him, i would do the exact same for my nan </s>
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AITA for telling my MIL that phones work both ways
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my relationship with my mil has been very rocky since right before i gave birth. due to the circumstances going on in my country/state/county i have seen very very little of her this past year. during this time i’ve been in therapy and have really come to terms with the relationship i have with my husbands family, pretty surface level and non existent.
my husband left for bct for the army back in november. he came home for hbl (holiday block leave) and he was here for two weeks. in this time my mil really hasn’t reached out much. i find myself making a lot of the effort and it’s exhausting because i’m essentially a single mom to an 17 month old and i’m home 99% of the time.
two weeks ago i visited my in laws at their home for a few hours (my husband asked me to because i hadn’t since everything has been going on in the world). we’ve done visits outside at my house and a few at their house. i decided on a once a month visit (due to my husband asking) but with obvious precautions. the visit was going well and we kept our distance (my mil was only home and fil arrived an hour after). we were in my sil’s sold room and i noticed that my bil’s (39m) clothes were in her old room. i asked my mil if bil had moved in and she said that him and his gf were going to couples therapy. then she proceeded to tell me that the gf has her “good and bad/buenas y malas.” to which i responded we all do. your son included. she and her sisters have a tendency to gossip/talk poorly about the wives/husbands/partners that are not blood related. she looked upset at what i said. i didn’t say anything further but she continued to talk about how great her son was and how gf is never home and never cooks and that she’s the one that needs to fix her self. i firmly told her that i did not agree with her opinion and that i didn’t feel comfortable continuing the conversation especially around my daughter. we left a couple of hours later and i was relieved to be back home.
flash forward to two weeks after the visit and i haven’t received any calls from my in laws. cool, no biggie. then i get a call from mil and as soon as i picked up she began to ask why i haven’t called her and that i haven’t facetimed her so she could see “la niña.” i told her firmly that phones work both ways. that i often feel like i’m obligated to make calls, do visits, maintain a relationship with her on my daughters behalf and that it’s exhausting. she hung up on me and then sent me a nasty text about how my “boundaries” are selfish and stupid.
so, aita for telling my mil that phones work both ways? i don’t think it should be my sole responsibility to foster a relationship between her and myself nor her and my daughter. i’ve dropped the rope and since dropping the rope i’ve begun to see who was making most of the effort.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/leg94l/aita_for_telling_my_mil_that_phones_work_both_ways/
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2021-02-07 05:29:02
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nta. even without the whole background story it can’t be up to you only to foster a relationship between your daughter and anyone even grandparents. if your mil wanted to see her granddaughter so much she could have reached out earlier.
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nta, i wouldn’t visit again for a very long time.
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nta
never pick that rope back up.
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nta. if your mil wants to see you guys more, she shouldn’t spend the time she has with you being a nasty and exhausting human being. tell your husband to check his mom because you’re dealing with a baby already and you don’t need to deal with a second one calling you to scream into the phone and hang up.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my relationship with my mil has been very rocky since right before i gave birth. due to the circumstances going on in my country/state/county i have seen very very little of her this past year. during this time i’ve been in therapy and have really come to terms with the relationship i have with my husbands family, pretty surface level and non existent. my husband left for bct for the army back in november. he came home for hbl (holiday block leave) and he was here for two weeks. in this time my mil really hasn’t reached out much. i find myself making a lot of the effort and it’s exhausting because i’m essentially a single mom to an 17 month old and i’m home 99% of the time. two weeks ago i visited my in laws at their home for a few hours (my husband asked me to because i hadn’t since everything has been going on in the world). we’ve done visits outside at my house and a few at their house. i decided on a once a month visit (due to my husband asking) but with obvious precautions. the visit was going well and we kept our distance (my mil was only home and fil arrived an hour after). we were in my sil’s sold room and i noticed that my bil’s (39m) clothes were in her old room. i asked my mil if bil had moved in and she said that him and his gf were going to couples therapy. then she proceeded to tell me that the gf has her “good and bad/buenas y malas.” to which i responded we all do. your son included. she and her sisters have a tendency to gossip/talk poorly about the wives/husbands/partners that are not blood related. she looked upset at what i said. i didn’t say anything further but she continued to talk about how great her son was and how gf is never home and never cooks and that she’s the one that needs to fix her self. i firmly told her that i did not agree with her opinion and that i didn’t feel comfortable continuing the conversation especially around my daughter. we left a couple of hours later and i was relieved to be back home. flash forward to two weeks after the visit and i haven’t received any calls from my in laws. cool, no biggie. then i get a call from mil and as soon as i picked up she began to ask why i haven’t called her and that i haven’t facetimed her so she could see “la niña.” i told her firmly that phones work both ways. that i often feel like i’m obligated to make calls, do visits, maintain a relationship with her on my daughters behalf and that it’s exhausting. she hung up on me and then sent me a nasty text about how my “boundaries” are selfish and stupid. so, aita for telling my mil that phones work both ways? i don’t think it should be my sole responsibility to foster a relationship between her and myself nor her and my daughter. i’ve dropped the rope and since dropping the rope i’ve begun to see who was making most of the effort.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my relationship with my mil has been very rocky since right before i gave birth. due to the circumstances going on in my country/state/county i have seen very very little of her this past year. during this time i’ve been in therapy and have really come to terms with the relationship i have with my husbands family, pretty surface level and non existent. my husband left for bct for the army back in november. he came home for hbl (holiday block leave) and he was here for two weeks. in this time my mil really hasn’t reached out much. i find myself making a lot of the effort and it’s exhausting because i’m essentially a single mom to an 17 month old and i’m home 99% of the time. two weeks ago i visited my in laws at their home for a few hours (my husband asked me to because i hadn’t since everything has been going on in the world). we’ve done visits outside at my house and a few at their house. i decided on a once a month visit (due to my husband asking) but with obvious precautions. the visit was going well and we kept our distance (my mil was only home and fil arrived an hour after). we were in my sil’s sold room and i noticed that my bil’s (39m) clothes were in her old room. i asked my mil if bil had moved in and she said that him and his gf were going to couples therapy. then she proceeded to tell me that the gf has her “good and bad/buenas y malas.” to which i responded we all do. your son included. she and her sisters have a tendency to gossip/talk poorly about the wives/husbands/partners that are not blood related. she looked upset at what i said. i didn’t say anything further but she continued to talk about how great her son was and how gf is never home and never cooks and that she’s the one that needs to fix her self. i firmly told her that i did not agree with her opinion and that i didn’t feel comfortable continuing the conversation especially around my daughter. we left a couple of hours later and i was relieved to be back home. flash forward to two weeks after the visit and i haven’t received any calls from my in laws. cool, no biggie. then i get a call from mil and as soon as i picked up she began to ask why i haven’t called her and that i haven’t facetimed her so she could see “la niña.” i told her firmly that phones work both ways. that i often feel like i’m obligated to make calls, do visits, maintain a relationship with her on my daughters behalf and that it’s exhausting. she hung up on me and then sent me a nasty text about how my “boundaries” are selfish and stupid. so, aita for telling my mil that phones work both ways? i don’t think it should be my sole responsibility to foster a relationship between her and myself nor her and my daughter. i’ve dropped the rope and since dropping the rope i’ve begun to see who was making most of the effort. [/INST] nta. even without the whole background story it can’t be up to you only to foster a relationship between your daughter and anyone even grandparents. if your mil wanted to see her granddaughter so much she could have reached out earlier. </s>
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AITA for telling everyone that my husband sold all my baby shower gifts?
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i've (27) been with my husband (32) for 3 years, we're expecting our first baby together.
long story short, my family and friends decided to throw me a baby shower and brought me a variety of gifts which consisted mainly of baby care essentials. i stored everything in the storage area but woke up the next day and they were all gone. i freaked out and called my husband, he didn't pick up so i waited til he got back. he got back with money in his hands, i told him my baby shower gifts were gone and he said he took them and sold them. all of them the baskets, books, pyjamas, diper pack, pecifiers, stuff worth 50-100s of dollars. i asked him why and he said because he wanted to help his friend get his van fix so they could go on a trip next week. i started yelling at him saying that i needed those things for our baby but he said we already have a nursery full of essentials then said he had no choice because his friends threatened to exclude him from the tri if he didn't help fix the van. i had a fight with him and he said i was overreacting. i told everyone know what he did and he started getting calls and texts from them basically calling him names and shaming him. he yelled at me saying i fucked up and acted immaturely by exposing him to everyone and sending them after him. he said that is his baby too and he is entitled to half those gifts. he believes i told them a sob story and ruined his reputation. he left and has been staying with a friend refusing to return my calls til i fix my mistake.
i was so mad and probably done the wrong thing. aita
| 11,806 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tfj4d6/aita_for_telling_everyone_that_my_husband_sold/
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2022-03-16 14:37:54
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nta, and find yourself a good divorce lawyer.
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[deleted]
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sincerely hoping this is a troll, because, if not, you are deeply lost if you can entertain even more a minute that you might be the asshole here.
he even knows he is the asshole here, or he wouldn’t have gone out in secret to sell his family’s goods to get parts for his buddy’s mystery machine. he just doesn’t care. let him stay at his friends’ indefinitely; it’s going to be easier caring for one child than two, and at least you have a chance at raising the littler one not to be an asshole. nta
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so your husband took all of your child's gifts and sold them because he wanted to to take himself on a trip with his buddy?
reread that op.
your husband, stole gifts from your child. then sold them so he could have the money for himself!
that is so messed up. it's infuriating and no it's not okay.
you had absolutely every right to tell your family and friends what he did. they spend 100s and 1000s on gifts that he probably *sold* for cheap because he wanted quick money for selfish reasons. things they can't just get back or rebuy for you either
i feel bad for you and your child. imagine if they receive a nice bike or game console for xmas or a birthday. your husband will take a sell it for his next trip, *because they don't really need that anyway*
i'd happily start packing his shit or my own while he's gone. because this is not someone you want to raise a child with. he stole from his own baby because he feels his own wants are more important thatn his child needs. hes so selfish that he can't see past his own needs and greed.
god what's next, babe i really needed a new snowboard so i returned the carseat we bought because we don't really need it
nta
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nta half the gifts are his? um, no. all of the gifts are the baby’s. and he took all of them, not just the half he stupidly claimed were his. your husband does not seem to want to provide for his child. he does not prioritize your family over his friends. he needs to reimburse you for all the gifts and find a new place to sleep at night. he will be lucky if you choose to stay.
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info:
how exactly do you “fix your mistake?” does he want you to lie to everyone about what he did? i’m genuinely curious.
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nta. sounds like you’re in a relationship with a 14 year old boy. and i promise, he’s going to stay that way for a long time.
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he ruined his own reputation. there’s no way to spin this that doesn’t make him look like a major, major loser. he didn’t want to be excluded from the trip? he’s about to be excluded from his marriage and possibly his kid’s life.
nta.
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nta leave him he’s absolutely terrible
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this has to be fake. no one in their right mind would sell baby shower gifts. nta but also, why have a child with someone so selfish and greedy? abort mission lol
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i've (27) been with my husband (32) for 3 years, we're expecting our first baby together. long story short, my family and friends decided to throw me a baby shower and brought me a variety of gifts which consisted mainly of baby care essentials. i stored everything in the storage area but woke up the next day and they were all gone. i freaked out and called my husband, he didn't pick up so i waited til he got back. he got back with money in his hands, i told him my baby shower gifts were gone and he said he took them and sold them. all of them the baskets, books, pyjamas, diper pack, pecifiers, stuff worth 50-100s of dollars. i asked him why and he said because he wanted to help his friend get his van fix so they could go on a trip next week. i started yelling at him saying that i needed those things for our baby but he said we already have a nursery full of essentials then said he had no choice because his friends threatened to exclude him from the tri if he didn't help fix the van. i had a fight with him and he said i was overreacting. i told everyone know what he did and he started getting calls and texts from them basically calling him names and shaming him. he yelled at me saying i fucked up and acted immaturely by exposing him to everyone and sending them after him. he said that is his baby too and he is entitled to half those gifts. he believes i told them a sob story and ruined his reputation. he left and has been staying with a friend refusing to return my calls til i fix my mistake. i was so mad and probably done the wrong thing. aita
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i've (27) been with my husband (32) for 3 years, we're expecting our first baby together. long story short, my family and friends decided to throw me a baby shower and brought me a variety of gifts which consisted mainly of baby care essentials. i stored everything in the storage area but woke up the next day and they were all gone. i freaked out and called my husband, he didn't pick up so i waited til he got back. he got back with money in his hands, i told him my baby shower gifts were gone and he said he took them and sold them. all of them the baskets, books, pyjamas, diper pack, pecifiers, stuff worth 50-100s of dollars. i asked him why and he said because he wanted to help his friend get his van fix so they could go on a trip next week. i started yelling at him saying that i needed those things for our baby but he said we already have a nursery full of essentials then said he had no choice because his friends threatened to exclude him from the tri if he didn't help fix the van. i had a fight with him and he said i was overreacting. i told everyone know what he did and he started getting calls and texts from them basically calling him names and shaming him. he yelled at me saying i fucked up and acted immaturely by exposing him to everyone and sending them after him. he said that is his baby too and he is entitled to half those gifts. he believes i told them a sob story and ruined his reputation. he left and has been staying with a friend refusing to return my calls til i fix my mistake. i was so mad and probably done the wrong thing. aita [/INST] nta, and find yourself a good divorce lawyer. </s>
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AITA for telling everyone my stepsister is a liar and turning her friends against her?
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this was a few years ago in high school when my stepsister (f19), we’ll call her “t,” and i (f19) went to the same school. when i was 15 i transferred to a new duel-enrollment charter school where i completed high school classes as well as attended college classes. not long after starting, my stepmom really enjoyed the education of the school and transferred t there which wasn’t a big deal. being new, t naturally gravitated toward me and my friend group which we all enjoyed having her. this went on for a few weeks.
one day one of my friends asked me how our pet fox was (we live in a state where pet foxes are illegal). i had no idea what she was talking about and she said that t told our friends that we had a pet fox. i told her we didn’t have a pet fox, but she said that t showed her a picture of it. at this time, i had my phone taken away so i asked to borrow her phone and looked up pictures of foxes and asked if it was any of these photos and she pointed one out saying it was the one. i shrugged it off, and that was that.
a few days later another friend of ours said it was cool how t was born on a leap year. i am super confused because she was three weeks younger than me and leap year as the year before we were born. i told him that she wasn’t born that year, but he claimed that she told everyone that she was a year older than she actually was. i told him the truth and he got irritated.
gradually, the lies just started building up and they were trivial and things she didn’t need to lie about. eventually, our friends confronted t and she that they love hanging out with her and being her friend, but she has to stop lying. she denied that she ever lied, but then didn’t really talk much the rest of that conversation. of course, she didn’t stop, so our group slowly stopped wanting to talk to her and hang out with her although.
one day, i asked my stepmom if i can go to the movies with these people. she asked why t wasn’t invited because they were her friends too. being a kid, i didn’t really respond. she ended up taking my phone and searching through all my text messages with these people and started yelling at me and calling me a liar and a bully. and what t was saying wasn’t a big deal and didn’t have to say anything because it wasn’t hurting anyone. my dad was not being as harsh, but he agreed that i was being a bully and t just stayed quiet and was in her room.
my stepmom called the principal, student activities leader/guidance counselor, and campus security sayings that i am the others were bullying t. long story short, it became a huge issue where i and the group had to apologize to t in front of the principal and guidance counselor. the group started talking to t again and being her friend, but then they started calling me the liar, manipulative, bitch, etc. so, i finished my high school with having literally no friends, but i was able to graduate early and get out of there.
still looking back, i didn’t think i was in the wrong, but aita?
| 1,135 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hwwu6b/aita_for_telling_everyone_my_stepsister_is_a_liar/
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2020-07-24 06:32:42
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nta - and your step-mom is quit the a h. she really bulldozed that problem out of her daughters way.
never ever ever feel guilty for thinking less of her. she really screwed you here.
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nta coming from someone who had problems of being a pathological liar as a kid, and having to put a lot of time and energy into stopping myself from lying out of my ass. it's a very steep slope, if you know you can get away with the smaller things you slowly start getting more and more complex to wear it "doesn't effect anything" anymore. she needed a wake up call of the negative effects lying can have.
as a side note no one should get punished for telling the truth.
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nta. constantly lying to people will make them trust you less and make you seem extremely fake. mom made a mountain out of a molehill.
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nta
but your stepsister and stepmom are.
so your stepssister got excluded because she's a pathological liar, and instead of your stepmom taking it serious and taking her to a therapist. she blamed you for calling her out and exposing her lies, and made you look like the pariah??
wow. and your dad is a gross human being too for letting your stepmom turn the tables like that.
just wow.
i would never let stepsis be around my kids, because can you imagine the lies she can tell.
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nta- my husband and i stopped hanging out with a person recently because they kept lying about small things. why would you want to be friends with someone that you can’t trust anything then say, no matter how small ?
i’m sorry you had that happen to you, this situation wasn’t handled properly. but also, depending on how you phrased calling her a liar, it may have been unnecessary if you were being mean about it.
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nta
like what was your stepmom even thinking?! honestly i would be really wary of both your stepmom and stepsister. stepsister lies continuously and the stepmom enables it and supports her 100% not even considering another person's view point. and they were the reason you graduated without friends?!
their behaviour baffles me so much that i wonder if this post is even real.
in either ways, just know that it was not your fault and you have nothing to feel guilty over.
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nta // sounds like your stepmom ended up being the biggest ah here
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nta. i am so sorry you lost your friend group because of this.
please tell me those college applications were for schools that were far away and that you deal with these people as little as possible? also, if she’ll lie about small stuff, she’ll lie about anything. i would not leave anyone you bring home to meet your parents alone with her. there have been too many reddit stories lately about sisters who sleep with their sister’s husbands.
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nta. compulsive lying. it doesn't end well, she'll keep doing it. run while you can.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this was a few years ago in high school when my stepsister (f19), we’ll call her “t,” and i (f19) went to the same school. when i was 15 i transferred to a new duel-enrollment charter school where i completed high school classes as well as attended college classes. not long after starting, my stepmom really enjoyed the education of the school and transferred t there which wasn’t a big deal. being new, t naturally gravitated toward me and my friend group which we all enjoyed having her. this went on for a few weeks. one day one of my friends asked me how our pet fox was (we live in a state where pet foxes are illegal). i had no idea what she was talking about and she said that t told our friends that we had a pet fox. i told her we didn’t have a pet fox, but she said that t showed her a picture of it. at this time, i had my phone taken away so i asked to borrow her phone and looked up pictures of foxes and asked if it was any of these photos and she pointed one out saying it was the one. i shrugged it off, and that was that. a few days later another friend of ours said it was cool how t was born on a leap year. i am super confused because she was three weeks younger than me and leap year as the year before we were born. i told him that she wasn’t born that year, but he claimed that she told everyone that she was a year older than she actually was. i told him the truth and he got irritated. gradually, the lies just started building up and they were trivial and things she didn’t need to lie about. eventually, our friends confronted t and she that they love hanging out with her and being her friend, but she has to stop lying. she denied that she ever lied, but then didn’t really talk much the rest of that conversation. of course, she didn’t stop, so our group slowly stopped wanting to talk to her and hang out with her although. one day, i asked my stepmom if i can go to the movies with these people. she asked why t wasn’t invited because they were her friends too. being a kid, i didn’t really respond. she ended up taking my phone and searching through all my text messages with these people and started yelling at me and calling me a liar and a bully. and what t was saying wasn’t a big deal and didn’t have to say anything because it wasn’t hurting anyone. my dad was not being as harsh, but he agreed that i was being a bully and t just stayed quiet and was in her room. my stepmom called the principal, student activities leader/guidance counselor, and campus security sayings that i am the others were bullying t. long story short, it became a huge issue where i and the group had to apologize to t in front of the principal and guidance counselor. the group started talking to t again and being her friend, but then they started calling me the liar, manipulative, bitch, etc. so, i finished my high school with having literally no friends, but i was able to graduate early and get out of there. still looking back, i didn’t think i was in the wrong, but aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this was a few years ago in high school when my stepsister (f19), we’ll call her “t,” and i (f19) went to the same school. when i was 15 i transferred to a new duel-enrollment charter school where i completed high school classes as well as attended college classes. not long after starting, my stepmom really enjoyed the education of the school and transferred t there which wasn’t a big deal. being new, t naturally gravitated toward me and my friend group which we all enjoyed having her. this went on for a few weeks. one day one of my friends asked me how our pet fox was (we live in a state where pet foxes are illegal). i had no idea what she was talking about and she said that t told our friends that we had a pet fox. i told her we didn’t have a pet fox, but she said that t showed her a picture of it. at this time, i had my phone taken away so i asked to borrow her phone and looked up pictures of foxes and asked if it was any of these photos and she pointed one out saying it was the one. i shrugged it off, and that was that. a few days later another friend of ours said it was cool how t was born on a leap year. i am super confused because she was three weeks younger than me and leap year as the year before we were born. i told him that she wasn’t born that year, but he claimed that she told everyone that she was a year older than she actually was. i told him the truth and he got irritated. gradually, the lies just started building up and they were trivial and things she didn’t need to lie about. eventually, our friends confronted t and she that they love hanging out with her and being her friend, but she has to stop lying. she denied that she ever lied, but then didn’t really talk much the rest of that conversation. of course, she didn’t stop, so our group slowly stopped wanting to talk to her and hang out with her although. one day, i asked my stepmom if i can go to the movies with these people. she asked why t wasn’t invited because they were her friends too. being a kid, i didn’t really respond. she ended up taking my phone and searching through all my text messages with these people and started yelling at me and calling me a liar and a bully. and what t was saying wasn’t a big deal and didn’t have to say anything because it wasn’t hurting anyone. my dad was not being as harsh, but he agreed that i was being a bully and t just stayed quiet and was in her room. my stepmom called the principal, student activities leader/guidance counselor, and campus security sayings that i am the others were bullying t. long story short, it became a huge issue where i and the group had to apologize to t in front of the principal and guidance counselor. the group started talking to t again and being her friend, but then they started calling me the liar, manipulative, bitch, etc. so, i finished my high school with having literally no friends, but i was able to graduate early and get out of there. still looking back, i didn’t think i was in the wrong, but aita? [/INST] nta - and your step-mom is quit the a h. she really bulldozed that problem out of her daughters way. never ever ever feel guilty for thinking less of her. she really screwed you here. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my grandmother in my life?
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i (20f) am the youngest of 3 (26f / 25m) and my grandmother has always shown favoritism for my other siblings over me. we all have different fathers and my gm disliked my father the most so i guess she took that out on me. for example, one day my parents had to work and there was no baby sitter other than my gm. i was about 3 or 3 years old. my mom dropped me and my siblings off, and several hours later my gm called my mom repeatedly telling her that she didn’t want me in her house and she didn’t want to watch me, due to her husband not wanting me there. my mother couldn’t leave work, so my aunt instead picked us up. my gm didn’t let my other 2 siblings leave, she only let me leave. but my aunt insisted on taking us all.
well as i grew up the treatment got worse. she is a very ‘christian’ woman and once she went into the grocery store while me and my sister stayed behind. my sister changed the music on the radio and when my gm got back she heard the music and made me get out of the car, then she pulled away. i was about 12 years old. i had to call my mother and my sister kept telling my gm that it was her, and not me but my gm would just tell her to shut up. on a separate occasion my gm told me i would end up pregnant, drop out of school, and be good for nothing.
well now that i’m almost a senior (undergrad), i don’t want her to come to my graduation, or any other important event in my life. i don’t want anything to do with her, though my mom insist on me cherishing her while i can.
my gm now tells me she loves me, she’s proud of me, invites me to her home to eat, etc. but i don’t believe any of it, i think she’s just lonely and wants people around her before she dies. she never did any of this as i was growing up. she never hugged me, told me she loved me, took pictures of or with me, so why start now? am i wrong for thinking like this or is she just really an asshole?
| 349 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b02xmy/aita_for_not_wanting_my_grandmother_in_my_life/
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2019-03-12 03:27:36
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nta. it's your life, you get to choose who is and isn't in it.
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nta.
i'm tempted to write info. has grams reached out to you at all asking for forgiveness or offering an apology? has there been any acknowledgement of wrongdoing on her part?
if the answer to both is no, and you feel very confident that she is reaching out only to alleviate her own sense of loneliness, then you do what is needed for you. let your mother deal with her mother. if your grandmother wants reconciliation, let her ask for it, and if your mother insists on papering over the problems that gm caused during your childhood, feel free to quote her good book to her: thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. you were told that you'd end up pregnant, drop out of school, and be good for nothing. last thing that you'd want to do is bear false witness to your dear, beloved grandmother's judgement and wisdom, what with honoring one's elders and all.
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nta. the adage "you reap what you sow" is so appropriate here. minimize your interactions with her and, don't get suckered into situations where you will have to be around her. block her number. but tell her that you forgive her for how badly she treated you over the years...but you're not interested in having any type of relationship with her.
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nta. i have a grandmother like this. played favorites and in general is just a manipulative narcissist. i tried to give her one more chance with my own kid’s 1st birthday party, but she started over again with the game of favorites (she had three great grandchildren within one year, her only ones so far too) and so i’ve officially cut her out. i have no regrets other than i didn’t do it sooner.
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nta - she has been cruel to you since you were a young child. just because she's family doesn't mean you have to include her in your life. making the decision to remove her from it is completely justified, in my opinion.
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[deleted]
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nta - if you can forgive her and show her love in her old age then great. if not, then cut her out of your life and great. whatever you do, just commit. you've done nothing wrong, and asshole relatives don't deserve to be treated like family after they've made it clear they wont treat you like family- which she certainly did.
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nta- i agree with you, that's your special day if she was not there for you in the past why should she be there to enjoy your benefits? to take advantage of what you could give her? or become a caregiver - walk across that stage proudly and leave her to enjoy karana.
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nta
i have a step grandmother like this. every christmas i got sub-par gifts. whenever i had a choir concert (something my grandfather and i were both fond of) she would fain an illness so he couldn't go. then at the end of my grandfather's life she kicked me and my brother out of his hospital room after five minutes because she wasn't in control enough. i haven't seen her since the funeral and i don't ever plan on it.
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nta, screw her. love is earned not given. she needs to ask for forgiveness before she starts acting differently. she needs to acknowledge what she did, at the very least say, i know i wasn't the best grandma but i want to change, or something. i wouldn't want her around either.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (20f) am the youngest of 3 (26f / 25m) and my grandmother has always shown favoritism for my other siblings over me. we all have different fathers and my gm disliked my father the most so i guess she took that out on me. for example, one day my parents had to work and there was no baby sitter other than my gm. i was about 3 or 3 years old. my mom dropped me and my siblings off, and several hours later my gm called my mom repeatedly telling her that she didn’t want me in her house and she didn’t want to watch me, due to her husband not wanting me there. my mother couldn’t leave work, so my aunt instead picked us up. my gm didn’t let my other 2 siblings leave, she only let me leave. but my aunt insisted on taking us all. well as i grew up the treatment got worse. she is a very ‘christian’ woman and once she went into the grocery store while me and my sister stayed behind. my sister changed the music on the radio and when my gm got back she heard the music and made me get out of the car, then she pulled away. i was about 12 years old. i had to call my mother and my sister kept telling my gm that it was her, and not me but my gm would just tell her to shut up. on a separate occasion my gm told me i would end up pregnant, drop out of school, and be good for nothing. well now that i’m almost a senior (undergrad), i don’t want her to come to my graduation, or any other important event in my life. i don’t want anything to do with her, though my mom insist on me cherishing her while i can. my gm now tells me she loves me, she’s proud of me, invites me to her home to eat, etc. but i don’t believe any of it, i think she’s just lonely and wants people around her before she dies. she never did any of this as i was growing up. she never hugged me, told me she loved me, took pictures of or with me, so why start now? am i wrong for thinking like this or is she just really an asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (20f) am the youngest of 3 (26f / 25m) and my grandmother has always shown favoritism for my other siblings over me. we all have different fathers and my gm disliked my father the most so i guess she took that out on me. for example, one day my parents had to work and there was no baby sitter other than my gm. i was about 3 or 3 years old. my mom dropped me and my siblings off, and several hours later my gm called my mom repeatedly telling her that she didn’t want me in her house and she didn’t want to watch me, due to her husband not wanting me there. my mother couldn’t leave work, so my aunt instead picked us up. my gm didn’t let my other 2 siblings leave, she only let me leave. but my aunt insisted on taking us all. well as i grew up the treatment got worse. she is a very ‘christian’ woman and once she went into the grocery store while me and my sister stayed behind. my sister changed the music on the radio and when my gm got back she heard the music and made me get out of the car, then she pulled away. i was about 12 years old. i had to call my mother and my sister kept telling my gm that it was her, and not me but my gm would just tell her to shut up. on a separate occasion my gm told me i would end up pregnant, drop out of school, and be good for nothing. well now that i’m almost a senior (undergrad), i don’t want her to come to my graduation, or any other important event in my life. i don’t want anything to do with her, though my mom insist on me cherishing her while i can. my gm now tells me she loves me, she’s proud of me, invites me to her home to eat, etc. but i don’t believe any of it, i think she’s just lonely and wants people around her before she dies. she never did any of this as i was growing up. she never hugged me, told me she loved me, took pictures of or with me, so why start now? am i wrong for thinking like this or is she just really an asshole? [/INST] nta. it's your life, you get to choose who is and isn't in it. </s>
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WIBTA for telling my sister I can’t help her cope with her divorce anymore
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i (24f) am starting to grow resentful towards my sister(26f) again. it wasn’t until recently that our relationship had gotten better, until today. my sister has been going through a divorce since december and my boyfriend and i have been there for her as much as possible- letting her come over every weekend. she’s a very dependent person and we were fine helping her through this process because we care about her.
however, i lost my dog of 15 years last week and it has been very emotionally tolling for the both of us- especially given that my boyfriend also lost his dog of 12 years the week before. all was fine until i started noticing that the feelings that i have worked so hard to get past have started to bubble up. it started the day after my dog passed away. we were sitting in the car and i was crying for having to put my best friend down. she looks over and says “well, at least she went peacefully” (she actually didn’t, but i will spare details) i didn’t think much of it because i was really emotional but she was referring to how our other dog passed (which i was also there to witness). but it made me feel like she was making small of my current situation. later that day she started crying because she received a text message from her husband calling her childish. at this point i wanted to comfort her and me and my bf spent hours with her. she eventually left when she was happy and we were left feeling drained, but it didn’t click why i started to feel different about her.
it finally did when the three of us were out and she asked my opinion of whether or not she should move her car to which i replied “i’m not really sure” (because i honestly wasn’t) and immediately after gave me this look that she gave me as a kid. a mix between disgust and frustration and said “what? you don’t have an opinion?” i pushed past my feelings and went on with my day not wanting to make a scene. but today i was thinking why i’ve been feeling this way towards her and couldn’t place my finger on it until i spoke to my boyfriend. he pointed out about how literally the next day-mind you not even 24 hours- after my dog passed she was crying about being called childish and it has felt like we haven’t been able to mourn this whole time because we have been focusing on her.
i know divorce is very difficult, but what’s frustrating is before any of this happened she told her husband she didn’t want to sign the divorce papers because she “wanted to be there for me and my bf” but now i feel like it’s all complete bs and it was never about “being there for us” because she hasn’t. she hasn’t even asked me or my boyfriend once how we are doing. i’m thinking about the next time she calls me to vent about her divorce telling her calmly that i wish i could be there for her, but at this time i don’t think i’m the best person to help her. i don’t know if i will but i really really feel like it.
| 948 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t3jbbx/wibta_for_telling_my_sister_i_cant_help_her_cope/
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2022-02-28 16:20:37
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nta, but honestly it's up to you to set boundaries and stick to them. the precedent has been set that whenever she wants emotional support, you will give it to her without hesitation, so why would she expect anything else?
it's not easy to break these patterns, but i have faith that you can do it. i'm sorry for your recent losses.
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nta.
good grief, girl, take some time and mourn. your sister is a selfish, *childish* asshole. yes, divorce is difficult, but so is losing a pet! a pet that you had for 15 years, mind you. that dog has been with you since you were a *child*. you need to mourn.
next time your sister calls, don't pick up. in fact, until you feel ready to deal with her bs again, don't pick up. don't answer the door if she comes over. nothing. get yourself to a better place.
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"well, at least she went peacefully" meh, she's not making light. that's just shit people say when they have no idea what else to say.
ugh, your sister sounds like an emotional vampire and requires some very explicit boundaries set around her.
"24 hours- after my dog passed she was crying about being called childish". this doesn't make sense. it's silly to cry about being called childish at any point in time, dead dog or otherwise. however, i wouldn't expect your emotional event to sway her response to her emotional event. everyone has different thresholds and divorce....well....i would argue that divorce is the worst, especially when kids are involved.
"but at this time i don’t think i’m the best person to help her" boundaries. yes.
hell no, ywnbta.
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wow! wnbta. she is so self absorbed that she hasn't even considered that you might need some support. losing your dog is such a difficult thing to go through. i'm so sorry that you and your bf lost your long time "babies" you need to take the time for yourself to properly grieve. perhaps if you're both in agreement, you can get another dog together. your sister is old enough to manage a divorce without you. you wnbta at all to pull back from her for a while (as long as you need to).
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you will do a lot more for your relationship by being honest and making some space for yourselves now, than letting her keep blithely using up your goodwill like this, until you come to breaking point - and it doesn’t seem far off.
she’s so caught up in what she’s going through that she’s stopped being able to see anything outside it, and you will not help her by letting her keep doing this. tell her you just need some time to process your losses, and to be together, just you and your bf, and you just don’t have the emotional resilience left for anything else right now. she knows that you love and support her, but you need some time to look after yourselves before you are able to give her any more help, right now. you just don’t have inexhaustible reserves, and you’re all tapped out.
nta
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nta - it's incredibly important to take time and space for your mental health when you need it, and you two absolutely need it. just be honest with her. let her know you love her but you need some alone time to grieve. however she feels/reacts is not your problem right now.
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nta. your sister is an energy vampire. go lc, ignore her calls and focus on healing.
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nta kind of feel her ex has a point calling her childish and he's well out of it. probably best not tell her that though. take time away from her to mourn your loss
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (24f) am starting to grow resentful towards my sister(26f) again. it wasn’t until recently that our relationship had gotten better, until today. my sister has been going through a divorce since december and my boyfriend and i have been there for her as much as possible- letting her come over every weekend. she’s a very dependent person and we were fine helping her through this process because we care about her. however, i lost my dog of 15 years last week and it has been very emotionally tolling for the both of us- especially given that my boyfriend also lost his dog of 12 years the week before. all was fine until i started noticing that the feelings that i have worked so hard to get past have started to bubble up. it started the day after my dog passed away. we were sitting in the car and i was crying for having to put my best friend down. she looks over and says “well, at least she went peacefully” (she actually didn’t, but i will spare details) i didn’t think much of it because i was really emotional but she was referring to how our other dog passed (which i was also there to witness). but it made me feel like she was making small of my current situation. later that day she started crying because she received a text message from her husband calling her childish. at this point i wanted to comfort her and me and my bf spent hours with her. she eventually left when she was happy and we were left feeling drained, but it didn’t click why i started to feel different about her. it finally did when the three of us were out and she asked my opinion of whether or not she should move her car to which i replied “i’m not really sure” (because i honestly wasn’t) and immediately after gave me this look that she gave me as a kid. a mix between disgust and frustration and said “what? you don’t have an opinion?” i pushed past my feelings and went on with my day not wanting to make a scene. but today i was thinking why i’ve been feeling this way towards her and couldn’t place my finger on it until i spoke to my boyfriend. he pointed out about how literally the next day-mind you not even 24 hours- after my dog passed she was crying about being called childish and it has felt like we haven’t been able to mourn this whole time because we have been focusing on her. i know divorce is very difficult, but what’s frustrating is before any of this happened she told her husband she didn’t want to sign the divorce papers because she “wanted to be there for me and my bf” but now i feel like it’s all complete bs and it was never about “being there for us” because she hasn’t. she hasn’t even asked me or my boyfriend once how we are doing. i’m thinking about the next time she calls me to vent about her divorce telling her calmly that i wish i could be there for her, but at this time i don’t think i’m the best person to help her. i don’t know if i will but i really really feel like it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (24f) am starting to grow resentful towards my sister(26f) again. it wasn’t until recently that our relationship had gotten better, until today. my sister has been going through a divorce since december and my boyfriend and i have been there for her as much as possible- letting her come over every weekend. she’s a very dependent person and we were fine helping her through this process because we care about her. however, i lost my dog of 15 years last week and it has been very emotionally tolling for the both of us- especially given that my boyfriend also lost his dog of 12 years the week before. all was fine until i started noticing that the feelings that i have worked so hard to get past have started to bubble up. it started the day after my dog passed away. we were sitting in the car and i was crying for having to put my best friend down. she looks over and says “well, at least she went peacefully” (she actually didn’t, but i will spare details) i didn’t think much of it because i was really emotional but she was referring to how our other dog passed (which i was also there to witness). but it made me feel like she was making small of my current situation. later that day she started crying because she received a text message from her husband calling her childish. at this point i wanted to comfort her and me and my bf spent hours with her. she eventually left when she was happy and we were left feeling drained, but it didn’t click why i started to feel different about her. it finally did when the three of us were out and she asked my opinion of whether or not she should move her car to which i replied “i’m not really sure” (because i honestly wasn’t) and immediately after gave me this look that she gave me as a kid. a mix between disgust and frustration and said “what? you don’t have an opinion?” i pushed past my feelings and went on with my day not wanting to make a scene. but today i was thinking why i’ve been feeling this way towards her and couldn’t place my finger on it until i spoke to my boyfriend. he pointed out about how literally the next day-mind you not even 24 hours- after my dog passed she was crying about being called childish and it has felt like we haven’t been able to mourn this whole time because we have been focusing on her. i know divorce is very difficult, but what’s frustrating is before any of this happened she told her husband she didn’t want to sign the divorce papers because she “wanted to be there for me and my bf” but now i feel like it’s all complete bs and it was never about “being there for us” because she hasn’t. she hasn’t even asked me or my boyfriend once how we are doing. i’m thinking about the next time she calls me to vent about her divorce telling her calmly that i wish i could be there for her, but at this time i don’t think i’m the best person to help her. i don’t know if i will but i really really feel like it. [/INST] nta, but honestly it's up to you to set boundaries and stick to them. the precedent has been set that whenever she wants emotional support, you will give it to her without hesitation, so why would she expect anything else? it's not easy to break these patterns, but i have faith that you can do it. i'm sorry for your recent losses. </s>
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AITA for calling my ex?
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my ex and i have shared custody of our 14yo daughter. my exes family is filthy rich. he doesn't have anything. he has never worked in his entire life and doesn't own anything but his dad gives him a home, a car and enough money to live a luxury life which is why while he has a lot more money than me, i ended up being the one to pay child support which is ridiculous. i asked him to at least don't take child support from me but he said no. we hadmany arguments over this. i tried to get him to understand that what he is doing hurts our daughter more than anyone. by doing this he is not allowing her to have a comfortable life while she is with me. he snapped at me and said he won't pay anything but he will buy her whatever she needs and wants.
that is what we have been doing. he gives her lunch money, buys all the clothes and electronics and other things like this. whenever she needs something she calls him and he takes her shopping.
last night when we were about to sleep my daughter suddenly remebered that she needs to buy something for school. i told her we can't get it now but she kept insisting so i told her to call her dad.
he came an hour later and blew up at me and called me an asshole for calling him. i reminded him that it was our agreement, he is in charge of buying things and taking her shopping.
| 466 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zbou2m/aita_for_calling_my_ex/
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2022-12-03 19:50:00
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nta. so it sounds like your child support is court ordered based on income, but he technically doesn’t have any reportable wages because his parents still pay for everything for him, and he’s doing well lazing around, presuming you’re a reliable narrator . that’s a drag for you for sure. you’re working, trying to make ends meet while paying him something you know he doesn’t ‘really need’. i don’t blame you at all for making him buy every last thing he agreed to be on the hook for. he’s the father of your child…he shouldn’t be mad that you contacted him for anything child related.
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i’m gonna say nta. if you guys have equal custody but he gets child support because he doesn’t work and you do but he’s a essentially a loaded trust fund baby, i think it’s immoral to take the money from you. but then when he’s doing that, knowing that it limits what you can provide for your daughter and says “oh, instead of making the child support situation fair, i’ll buy her what she needs”, he’s basically buying her love. he’s making sure he’s always the hero, always the parent treating her and buying her the big ticket items. it seems like a deliberate and manipulative choice to try to be the favourite parent.
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nta, if he really doesn't need the money then he should have the decency to not accept it if you do need it.
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nta. suddenly remembering and needing things last minute comes as part of being a parent. it's frustrating as all else, and it can be a parenting point where you let kid go without if it's a common issue. he should know this is the norm as a parent regardless of who agreed to pay for what.
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going to say nta since this is an established agreement between the two of you.
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ooh girl i thought i had it bad with my daughters father. this is a whole new level of rage inducing bullshit. definitely nta fuck him
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nta you need to start documenting everything he has in his life and let the courts know so they understand that he’s not just broke and his family is funding his life
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nta, it sounds like you are dating rob kardashian jr 😀
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can you get a better lawyer who shows the judge that while your ex doesn't have an income, he lives in a nice house, has a car and a swanky lifestyle? it might be worth the cost of a better lawyer if it can reduce the child support.
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nta. if you were ta you'd have called the inland revenue and anonymously informed them that someone claiming no income is living a luxury lifestyle. even if it is legal the audit would be a pain...
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex and i have shared custody of our 14yo daughter. my exes family is filthy rich. he doesn't have anything. he has never worked in his entire life and doesn't own anything but his dad gives him a home, a car and enough money to live a luxury life which is why while he has a lot more money than me, i ended up being the one to pay child support which is ridiculous. i asked him to at least don't take child support from me but he said no. we hadmany arguments over this. i tried to get him to understand that what he is doing hurts our daughter more than anyone. by doing this he is not allowing her to have a comfortable life while she is with me. he snapped at me and said he won't pay anything but he will buy her whatever she needs and wants. that is what we have been doing. he gives her lunch money, buys all the clothes and electronics and other things like this. whenever she needs something she calls him and he takes her shopping. last night when we were about to sleep my daughter suddenly remebered that she needs to buy something for school. i told her we can't get it now but she kept insisting so i told her to call her dad. he came an hour later and blew up at me and called me an asshole for calling him. i reminded him that it was our agreement, he is in charge of buying things and taking her shopping.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex and i have shared custody of our 14yo daughter. my exes family is filthy rich. he doesn't have anything. he has never worked in his entire life and doesn't own anything but his dad gives him a home, a car and enough money to live a luxury life which is why while he has a lot more money than me, i ended up being the one to pay child support which is ridiculous. i asked him to at least don't take child support from me but he said no. we hadmany arguments over this. i tried to get him to understand that what he is doing hurts our daughter more than anyone. by doing this he is not allowing her to have a comfortable life while she is with me. he snapped at me and said he won't pay anything but he will buy her whatever she needs and wants. that is what we have been doing. he gives her lunch money, buys all the clothes and electronics and other things like this. whenever she needs something she calls him and he takes her shopping. last night when we were about to sleep my daughter suddenly remebered that she needs to buy something for school. i told her we can't get it now but she kept insisting so i told her to call her dad. he came an hour later and blew up at me and called me an asshole for calling him. i reminded him that it was our agreement, he is in charge of buying things and taking her shopping. [/INST] nta. so it sounds like your child support is court ordered based on income, but he technically doesn’t have any reportable wages because his parents still pay for everything for him, and he’s doing well lazing around, presuming you’re a reliable narrator . that’s a drag for you for sure. you’re working, trying to make ends meet while paying him something you know he doesn’t ‘really need’. i don’t blame you at all for making him buy every last thing he agreed to be on the hook for. he’s the father of your child…he shouldn’t be mad that you contacted him for anything child related. </s>
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WIBTA if had my maternal grandfather walk me down the aisle.
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my parents divorced when i was below the age 5 leaving my mom with me and my 3 siblings and she moved back in my grandparents. i don’t hold that against him, some relationships don’t work, it’s what he did afterwards that i resent.
he would talk to us over the phone on our birthday and christmas. he lived in a different state and i never saw him in person. he completely absent for two years before i turned ten and we finally met in person. i have over heard my grandparents complain that he doesn’t pay child support.
my grandfather worked very hard to provide for us as my mother would frequently be unemployed and grandmother to take care of us. i really look up to him and he was the closest thing i had to a father figure.
when i was ten he began to get involved and would take us to his house for june, he lives in oklahoma and we live in georgia. he would also tell us about the great things we will do and then my siblings and would sit in house all day while he and my step mom worked.
when i got accepted into college my called to congratulate me and catch. i told him about my boyfriend. we have only been dating for two months but since i had some wine i told him if i ever got married my grandfather would walk me down.
he lost it. he told me that it was his job as a father to do that. he also insulted my boyfriend saying that the relationship couldn’t work because he was autistic and not exactly high functioning. i just told him he lost that chance a long time ago.
| 325 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ew7sfz/wibta_if_had_my_maternal_grandfather_walk_me_down/
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2020-01-30 16:15:57
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nta.
your wedding, your choice.
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nta. your sperm donor sounds like an asshole and that he didn't earn the role.
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nta. he's not entitled to walking you down the isle. still, i don't think it was a very tactical move on your part to drop that when marriage doesn't even seem to be in your near future. it's your choice though, and i have a feeling you won't let yourself get bullied into changing your mind.
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nta. walking your child down the aisle is an *honor*, not a job. yes, there's a bunch of patriarchal history as to why it's done, but in our current society, it's mostly done to honor the relationship between parent figure and child. "this is who i came from, who raised me to be the person who's marrying you."
you get to choose who holds that spot for you. and given your father's reaction, i think you made the right choice.
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nta he wasn't there for you from the start. the father should walk his daughter down the isle but if he isn't able then the father figure steps up.
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nta
>he also insulted my boyfriend saying that the relationship couldn’t work because he was autistic and not exactly high functioning.
i dont get this tactic?
you insult someone for not doing something you want, thinking it will help ur case?
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nta because you get to decide who walks you down the aisle. that said, bringing it up when you aren't planning a wedding is just throwing out an insult to someone, and that's fine, but just be honest about what you were doing. you said it to hurt him, mission accomplished, but this really has nothing to do with a wedding.
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nta. your wedding, your decision.
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nta. if it’s your grandfather who has been the father figure in your life then you have the right to ask him to walk you down the aisle.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my parents divorced when i was below the age 5 leaving my mom with me and my 3 siblings and she moved back in my grandparents. i don’t hold that against him, some relationships don’t work, it’s what he did afterwards that i resent. he would talk to us over the phone on our birthday and christmas. he lived in a different state and i never saw him in person. he completely absent for two years before i turned ten and we finally met in person. i have over heard my grandparents complain that he doesn’t pay child support. my grandfather worked very hard to provide for us as my mother would frequently be unemployed and grandmother to take care of us. i really look up to him and he was the closest thing i had to a father figure. when i was ten he began to get involved and would take us to his house for june, he lives in oklahoma and we live in georgia. he would also tell us about the great things we will do and then my siblings and would sit in house all day while he and my step mom worked. when i got accepted into college my called to congratulate me and catch. i told him about my boyfriend. we have only been dating for two months but since i had some wine i told him if i ever got married my grandfather would walk me down. he lost it. he told me that it was his job as a father to do that. he also insulted my boyfriend saying that the relationship couldn’t work because he was autistic and not exactly high functioning. i just told him he lost that chance a long time ago.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my parents divorced when i was below the age 5 leaving my mom with me and my 3 siblings and she moved back in my grandparents. i don’t hold that against him, some relationships don’t work, it’s what he did afterwards that i resent. he would talk to us over the phone on our birthday and christmas. he lived in a different state and i never saw him in person. he completely absent for two years before i turned ten and we finally met in person. i have over heard my grandparents complain that he doesn’t pay child support. my grandfather worked very hard to provide for us as my mother would frequently be unemployed and grandmother to take care of us. i really look up to him and he was the closest thing i had to a father figure. when i was ten he began to get involved and would take us to his house for june, he lives in oklahoma and we live in georgia. he would also tell us about the great things we will do and then my siblings and would sit in house all day while he and my step mom worked. when i got accepted into college my called to congratulate me and catch. i told him about my boyfriend. we have only been dating for two months but since i had some wine i told him if i ever got married my grandfather would walk me down. he lost it. he told me that it was his job as a father to do that. he also insulted my boyfriend saying that the relationship couldn’t work because he was autistic and not exactly high functioning. i just told him he lost that chance a long time ago. [/INST] nta. your wedding, your choice. </s>
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WIBTA if I decided to rent a flat for myself when my best friend and his gf have considered it their "dream place" and they want it?
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ok, so all my other friends think ita for going ahead with this but i disagree.
me, my friend and his gf are all living in the same house right now as housemates, but our contract soon runs out so we have to look for new places.
i've been looking tirelessly for the best part of 5 months, i've viewed at least 30 properties (i'm very picky) and a couple weeks ago i found the perfect flat. cheap, close to work and has enough room for me, my dog and an office for work/gaming. i was over the moon when i found this place and told the landlord i was very interested and he would contact me soon to see if i got the place after i filled in the application.
anyway, fast forward to yesterday and i was told my application was successful and if i wanted the place i need to contact them by tomorrow. thrilled, i told my friend and his gf and they were really happy for me. they asked me about the place, what it was like, how much did it cost and where was it so we can visit each other if they were close to the place they saw, and then, i showed them the place and their faces dropped. it turns out that place was the same place they applied for (the only place they actually looked at, i think).
they told me they were hoping to get the place pretty much for the same reasons as me and the gf (a student interior designer) wanted the place since the landlord said he'd give her free reign to redecorate the place. they called it their "dream place" and it was the only one in such a nice area that they could afford and was large enough for a couple (everywhere else for that price was only single beds, this one was a double).
what they said i could do is speak to the landlord and recommend them instead and chances are they would get the place (their words, not too sure if that's true). thing is, i want this place. i looked at dozens of places and it's also kinda my "dream place". my friends think i'm being selfish since i technically don't need all that space whereas they do but i don't think that's a good enough reason. it's my future apartment, i should live in the place i want.
so, wibta if i told them no, i'm getting the place, they can't have it?
| 7,043 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cdyd0y/wibta_if_i_decided_to_rent_a_flat_for_myself_when/
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2019-07-16 15:14:34
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nta and there is no guarantee they would get the place if you turned it down anyway.
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nta. they applied right? well too bad if they got rejected. too bad anyway.keep your new place and congrats.
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nta. here’s a little anecdotal story.
a little more than a year ago a req opened within the department i work for. the promotion came with a roughly 10k salary increase but largely carried the same duties, as it was a promotion to a more senior engineering position. i saw this position posted online and i applied. a friend of mine who i went to college with, started working there the same time as me, and we worked the same programs also saw it posted and applied himself. he is great as his job and i perceive our competency levels, personal skills, and work ethic to be rather equal. we found out we each applied for the job over casual conversation at lunch like a week after we both were interviewed. he mentioned he could really use the money because his school / life debt has been tough to manage.
i am truly blessed to have had my college paid for by my parents (he knows this) but he on the other hand had to pay for college himself. obviously he has more monthly bills because of this and could certainly benefit from having the extra money to pay off his debt.
i got the promotion. i didn’t feel i deserved it any more than him and there’s no doubt in my mind it was a tough decision for the hiring manager to choose between us because we all have a good work relationship, but it was mine.
after he found out i got the position he sincerely congratulated me and said i earned it. i was a little concerned he would feel betrayed since he knows i know how bad he could use the extra money so i addressed it. i will never forget what he said to me when i addressed that concern -
he told me that he is excited to see someone close to him excelling and that his time will come soon enough. sure enough, 3 months later he found a promotion in a different department with a larger salary increase than mine. two friends, encouraging each other achieve their potential.
take this for what it’s worth.
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nta. you both applied, you got it. there were no underhanded tactics. you'd looked at dozens of places, and this one suit best.
you both want something. why should you be expected to give it up and hand it to them when they clearly wouldn't do the same for you? when they are showing only willingness to do the exact opposite.
call today. say you'll take the place. if you knew they were applying and went behind their back, i might think differently. go for it
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nta - you found the place. you applied for the place. you were accepted not them. they can’t force you out of it just because you got it instead of them.
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nta
you saw and applied for it independently to them, your application was accepted, and it isn't even like you had a second choice that you were considering. your friends are being unreasonable and pushy.
get the apartment you want.
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[deleted]
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nta. the landlord picked you, you want it.
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nta. they’re trying to pull couple’s privilege and it’s not okay. i hate house-hunting and i’m sure they feel sad, but you found and applied for this one fair and square. you didn’t even know they wanted it.
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nta imo but if you do decide to go through with living there it’s gonna probably negatively impact your relationship with that couple. tho i don’t think it’s fair of them to tell you to give up the place you were chosen for. who’s to say they were on that landlord’s list as next if you decline?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok, so all my other friends think ita for going ahead with this but i disagree. me, my friend and his gf are all living in the same house right now as housemates, but our contract soon runs out so we have to look for new places. i've been looking tirelessly for the best part of 5 months, i've viewed at least 30 properties (i'm very picky) and a couple weeks ago i found the perfect flat. cheap, close to work and has enough room for me, my dog and an office for work/gaming. i was over the moon when i found this place and told the landlord i was very interested and he would contact me soon to see if i got the place after i filled in the application. anyway, fast forward to yesterday and i was told my application was successful and if i wanted the place i need to contact them by tomorrow. thrilled, i told my friend and his gf and they were really happy for me. they asked me about the place, what it was like, how much did it cost and where was it so we can visit each other if they were close to the place they saw, and then, i showed them the place and their faces dropped. it turns out that place was the same place they applied for (the only place they actually looked at, i think). they told me they were hoping to get the place pretty much for the same reasons as me and the gf (a student interior designer) wanted the place since the landlord said he'd give her free reign to redecorate the place. they called it their "dream place" and it was the only one in such a nice area that they could afford and was large enough for a couple (everywhere else for that price was only single beds, this one was a double). what they said i could do is speak to the landlord and recommend them instead and chances are they would get the place (their words, not too sure if that's true). thing is, i want this place. i looked at dozens of places and it's also kinda my "dream place". my friends think i'm being selfish since i technically don't need all that space whereas they do but i don't think that's a good enough reason. it's my future apartment, i should live in the place i want. so, wibta if i told them no, i'm getting the place, they can't have it?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok, so all my other friends think ita for going ahead with this but i disagree. me, my friend and his gf are all living in the same house right now as housemates, but our contract soon runs out so we have to look for new places. i've been looking tirelessly for the best part of 5 months, i've viewed at least 30 properties (i'm very picky) and a couple weeks ago i found the perfect flat. cheap, close to work and has enough room for me, my dog and an office for work/gaming. i was over the moon when i found this place and told the landlord i was very interested and he would contact me soon to see if i got the place after i filled in the application. anyway, fast forward to yesterday and i was told my application was successful and if i wanted the place i need to contact them by tomorrow. thrilled, i told my friend and his gf and they were really happy for me. they asked me about the place, what it was like, how much did it cost and where was it so we can visit each other if they were close to the place they saw, and then, i showed them the place and their faces dropped. it turns out that place was the same place they applied for (the only place they actually looked at, i think). they told me they were hoping to get the place pretty much for the same reasons as me and the gf (a student interior designer) wanted the place since the landlord said he'd give her free reign to redecorate the place. they called it their "dream place" and it was the only one in such a nice area that they could afford and was large enough for a couple (everywhere else for that price was only single beds, this one was a double). what they said i could do is speak to the landlord and recommend them instead and chances are they would get the place (their words, not too sure if that's true). thing is, i want this place. i looked at dozens of places and it's also kinda my "dream place". my friends think i'm being selfish since i technically don't need all that space whereas they do but i don't think that's a good enough reason. it's my future apartment, i should live in the place i want. so, wibta if i told them no, i'm getting the place, they can't have it? [/INST] nta and there is no guarantee they would get the place if you turned it down anyway. </s>
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AITA for hanging up on my mum when she called me telling me she needed my help?
| 4,377 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ohflgw/aita_for_hanging_up_on_my_mum_when_she_called_me/
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2021-07-10 09:28:45
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nta
wth. of course not. you are not the ah. as an adult, she can pack her own bags like any normal people do. 🙄
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you are most definitely nta. your mom could have help from your brother but doesn’t want to inconvenience him. you’re stuck in a hospital but that’s not as good a reason as having pans with friends? your mom needs to sort out her priorities.
rest, sleep a lot, listen to the doctors, and think about yourself right now. i hope you feel better soon.
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nta
your family sounds really toxic.
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nta. you need to save up and move out of the adjoining flats situation because if it is always like this with them, you would be better having your own place to live further away from them.
you are ill and your brother has plans he would have to cancel.
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nta
>that my brother shouldn't be bothered with this as he has plans with his friends
plans with friends is more important than your health? that's a big no. seems like your mother and brother are completely entitled and need to grow tf up. only thing you should worry about right now is healing. you do not deserve that treatment or stress.
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what ??? of course you're nta , you just had surgery and were literally told to stay in the hospital by doctors . you should be resting and just focusing on yourself . i hope you feel better soon !
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im sorry but what the hell did i just read? if this is true get out of that and cut contact. nta. jesus….
though as an aside allergies and asthma are very serious issues too. i have both along with anemia. it’s not a fun combo by any stretch.
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nta
you were in the hospital recovering from surgery and the doctor doesn't want you to leave as early as you were planned to? your mom should be worried about you and trying to help you. the bare minimum would be to sort out her packing on her own or with someone else's help, but she is totally the ah for getting other people involved in her bullying campaign.
how dare you be wounded at a time that inconveniences her? /s
my mom would be contacting me constantly to ask if i needed anything. my daughter would just show up with fluffy socks and sketchbooks to mess with. nobody should be adding to your stress right now! your body is working hard to recover!
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nta they both just sound lazy and entitled, you are literally in the hospital fresh out of surgery. your needs are greater than their ‘convenience’, period.
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sweet baby jesus on a tricycle! as the owner of some very defective lady bits nta! just no. no no no no no. women's pain is far too normalised and dismissed. you have had keyhole surgery and bits of you potentially cut out. you have literally been stabbed! i discovered that morphine doesn't agree with me a few years ago and told everyone before my lap. woke up vomiting and popped my stitches- guess who was given morphine? because wtf would i know about my body. this is not normal recovery hiccups and i would get a second opinion because you do not want infection!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] nta wth. of course not. you are not the ah. as an adult, she can pack her own bags like any normal people do. 🙄 </s>
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AITA for turning a whole class against a student?
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i’m taking organic chemistry, which is even worse than gen chem. the exams, and tests are unnecessarily hard, and the class itself is complicated. we all seem to be struggling, besides this one person.
our professor is unfortunately still taking her lectures very seriously, and assigned us a test worth 25% of our grade on monday. most of us cheated (besides that one student) despite her claiming everyone has a different version of the test. we ended up doing much better compared to before. well since the rat didn’t cheat, he didn’t do as well as those who cheated did, and therefore the curve was messed up. so he screenshotted the group chat texts, etc everything and emailed our professor. she cancelled our scores, and “will be taking further action”.
it was clear that he’s the one who ratted like a bitch, so somehow i brought it up on the gc, and most if not all of us turned on him. some people sent him angry texts etc calling him out. he says it’s all my fault, and this “harassment” has caused him so much “distress”. aita?
| 1,045 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fx6u34/aita_for_turning_a_whole_class_against_a_student/
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2020-04-08 13:52:38
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yta. you're obviously the asshole and you know it. what is this post?
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yta. you cheated. deal with the consequences.
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yta
study, get a tutor, get help from the professor like any other responsible student would and not cheat, maybe? you all brought this on yourself. deal with the consequences.
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yta and you’ll be lucky if further action is just a drop in your grade or a failure from this one class. cheating is wrong, especially in academics. just because everyone else did it doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to do it too. you played a stupid game, and now you have to deal with the stupid prize you won. it’s not the classmate’s fault that you cheated. they seem to be the only decent person in your class.
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you cheated on a test. this other student isn't your problem: you are your problem. and you're getting what you deserve.
side note: why would you **admit** to cheating in a group chat? mean **and** stupid - a winning combo.
yta
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yta you’re a cheater and now a bully
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yta. many universities has zero tolerance for cheating ... let’s hope yours is one of them.
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yta, all of you are assholes. except the girl who didn't cheated. don't know if you are in university or what, but you are going to be my future doctor maybe, i don't want an asshole who doesn't knows nothing about organic chem as a professional in any related field of study.
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yta, first off, you cheated. you took a calculated risk and now you have to deal with the consequences, and second, why did you cheat by communicating in a group chat with him in it??? like if you’re gonna cheat don’t be stupid about it.
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just from reading this post, i smelt hydrogen sulfide and methanethiol.
**yta** (obviously)
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m taking organic chemistry, which is even worse than gen chem. the exams, and tests are unnecessarily hard, and the class itself is complicated. we all seem to be struggling, besides this one person. our professor is unfortunately still taking her lectures very seriously, and assigned us a test worth 25% of our grade on monday. most of us cheated (besides that one student) despite her claiming everyone has a different version of the test. we ended up doing much better compared to before. well since the rat didn’t cheat, he didn’t do as well as those who cheated did, and therefore the curve was messed up. so he screenshotted the group chat texts, etc everything and emailed our professor. she cancelled our scores, and “will be taking further action”. it was clear that he’s the one who ratted like a bitch, so somehow i brought it up on the gc, and most if not all of us turned on him. some people sent him angry texts etc calling him out. he says it’s all my fault, and this “harassment” has caused him so much “distress”. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m taking organic chemistry, which is even worse than gen chem. the exams, and tests are unnecessarily hard, and the class itself is complicated. we all seem to be struggling, besides this one person. our professor is unfortunately still taking her lectures very seriously, and assigned us a test worth 25% of our grade on monday. most of us cheated (besides that one student) despite her claiming everyone has a different version of the test. we ended up doing much better compared to before. well since the rat didn’t cheat, he didn’t do as well as those who cheated did, and therefore the curve was messed up. so he screenshotted the group chat texts, etc everything and emailed our professor. she cancelled our scores, and “will be taking further action”. it was clear that he’s the one who ratted like a bitch, so somehow i brought it up on the gc, and most if not all of us turned on him. some people sent him angry texts etc calling him out. he says it’s all my fault, and this “harassment” has caused him so much “distress”. aita? [/INST] yta. you're obviously the asshole and you know it. what is this post? </s>
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AITA for telling grandma to 'deal with it' and that I'm not going to wait for her to die to get body modifications?
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my grandma is a mean old woman and is overly critical of anybody who doesn't live 'traditionally'. she's extremely harsh on women who go out to work and study instead of staying home and popping out babies.
so when i turned 18 early this year and began to get body modifications, i hid them from her. it was fairly easy. my long hair covered my earrings, i could flip my septum piercing up and take out my nose rings and lip ring, and i wore clothing that could easily hide my tattoos.
my cousin who i don't talk to because she's just a younger version of grandma, took screenshots of my instagram and showed them to grandma. this past sunday we all got together for lunch (no cases of you know what in my town, and all vaxxed) for my dad's birthday and grandma ended up yanking up the sleeve to my cardigan and told me she knows all about my tattoos because of cousin, and that she couldn't believe me.
i shrugged it off and told her that i'd had them for a while now and she never knew, then walked away because i didn't care to get into a fight. over the lunch i heard her bitching to my parents and my aunts/uncles quite loudly and calling me all sorts of names. i got fed up when she said, "i can't believe my beautiful granddaughter had to do this to me in my lifetime," so i told her i'd had these done for months and she's never known about them and now that she does she can deal with it. then i said i shouldn't have to wait for her to die just so i can do what i want with my own body.
i was asked to leave and i did so gladly, but my sister and mum think i shouldn't have said anything because grandma came from a time where tattoos were for criminals and gang members, so obviously that's what she associates them with. dad thinks grandma was out of line but thinks i shouldn't have been so harsh.
| 1,916 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgyydj/aita_for_telling_grandma_to_deal_with_it_and_that/
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2021-09-03 05:37:16
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nta - grandma sounds like a piece of work and it sounds like your family is enabling that. she also grew up in a time where it was acceptable to be racist and bigoted, but times change.
now... you *probably* could have handled it with a bit more grace, but honestly with her saying rude things about you to your family where you could obviously hear it, i doubt grace would have been the first, second or third reaction you had.
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nta- my grandmother literally asked me to wait until she dies before getting anymore tattoos. i told her that i'm an adult, it's my body, and i'm the one who has to live with any consequences. sure your comment was harsh and unnecessary, your grandmother is not going to change. but that doesn't mean you should have to put up with verbal abuse just because she's family and old.
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nta.
i'm guessing grandma also grew up during a time when women "traditionally" kept their mouth shut since their opinions didn't matter much? she sure thinks her opinion matters now.
doesn't matter if she grew up in a different time, she was rude. if she doesn't like something, she doesn't have to. but that doesn't mean she can bash others, like she did to you.
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>grandma came from a time where tattoos were for criminals and gang members
as a middle-aged guy whose (long-gone) grandparents were born over 100 years ago, i get baffled when i see this. you're 18 - says so in the post. traditional family, so women had kids not careers.
that to me says that your grandma was born probably mid 1950s, and grew up through the 1960s culture of personal freedoms.
she's not a product of her time, she's a hateful throwback. i'd expect this sort of crap from someone born in the 1890s. even my grandparents, born during ww1, accepted that people have modern lives when they were still alive in the 1990s.
therefore nta
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nta. you’re close in age to my oldest kid, so your grandma is probably close in age to my parents; which is to say, old enough to learn new opinions! or the manners to keep one’s opinions to oneself.
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nta. it doesn't matter what she associates tattoos with , times have changed and your her granddaughter ,so it really shouldn't be a problem. she got what was coming for her
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nta. grandma needs to get over it. you have every right to mod your body as you please. she was very disrespectful to yank your sleeve and she doesn't get a free pass just cause she's elderly.
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nta
your grandmother's wrong . it's your body and your choice , you aren't doing anything wrong . grandma needs to chill fr
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nta, tattoos and piercings are totally fine. while it’s true she grew up in a different era, that doesn’t give her the right to condemn you for having them. she doesn’t need to understand why you have them, just that you want them.
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nta. i agree with you, op, that the only person who has agency over your body is yourself.
don't like tattoos or piercings? don't get them. it's that simple.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my grandma is a mean old woman and is overly critical of anybody who doesn't live 'traditionally'. she's extremely harsh on women who go out to work and study instead of staying home and popping out babies. so when i turned 18 early this year and began to get body modifications, i hid them from her. it was fairly easy. my long hair covered my earrings, i could flip my septum piercing up and take out my nose rings and lip ring, and i wore clothing that could easily hide my tattoos. my cousin who i don't talk to because she's just a younger version of grandma, took screenshots of my instagram and showed them to grandma. this past sunday we all got together for lunch (no cases of you know what in my town, and all vaxxed) for my dad's birthday and grandma ended up yanking up the sleeve to my cardigan and told me she knows all about my tattoos because of cousin, and that she couldn't believe me. i shrugged it off and told her that i'd had them for a while now and she never knew, then walked away because i didn't care to get into a fight. over the lunch i heard her bitching to my parents and my aunts/uncles quite loudly and calling me all sorts of names. i got fed up when she said, "i can't believe my beautiful granddaughter had to do this to me in my lifetime," so i told her i'd had these done for months and she's never known about them and now that she does she can deal with it. then i said i shouldn't have to wait for her to die just so i can do what i want with my own body. i was asked to leave and i did so gladly, but my sister and mum think i shouldn't have said anything because grandma came from a time where tattoos were for criminals and gang members, so obviously that's what she associates them with. dad thinks grandma was out of line but thinks i shouldn't have been so harsh.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my grandma is a mean old woman and is overly critical of anybody who doesn't live 'traditionally'. she's extremely harsh on women who go out to work and study instead of staying home and popping out babies. so when i turned 18 early this year and began to get body modifications, i hid them from her. it was fairly easy. my long hair covered my earrings, i could flip my septum piercing up and take out my nose rings and lip ring, and i wore clothing that could easily hide my tattoos. my cousin who i don't talk to because she's just a younger version of grandma, took screenshots of my instagram and showed them to grandma. this past sunday we all got together for lunch (no cases of you know what in my town, and all vaxxed) for my dad's birthday and grandma ended up yanking up the sleeve to my cardigan and told me she knows all about my tattoos because of cousin, and that she couldn't believe me. i shrugged it off and told her that i'd had them for a while now and she never knew, then walked away because i didn't care to get into a fight. over the lunch i heard her bitching to my parents and my aunts/uncles quite loudly and calling me all sorts of names. i got fed up when she said, "i can't believe my beautiful granddaughter had to do this to me in my lifetime," so i told her i'd had these done for months and she's never known about them and now that she does she can deal with it. then i said i shouldn't have to wait for her to die just so i can do what i want with my own body. i was asked to leave and i did so gladly, but my sister and mum think i shouldn't have said anything because grandma came from a time where tattoos were for criminals and gang members, so obviously that's what she associates them with. dad thinks grandma was out of line but thinks i shouldn't have been so harsh. [/INST] nta - grandma sounds like a piece of work and it sounds like your family is enabling that. she also grew up in a time where it was acceptable to be racist and bigoted, but times change. now... you *probably* could have handled it with a bit more grace, but honestly with her saying rude things about you to your family where you could obviously hear it, i doubt grace would have been the first, second or third reaction you had. </s>
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AITA for losing sympathy for my mom?
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at the end of february i got a call from the plastic surgeon's office that was doing my breast reduction. the nurse said she had a date for me - april 15th. i happily accepted and told my mom, who seemed to be happy for me.
the following week, she booked an appointment to have an infusion (she has to get them every 4 months) on april 12th. the last several times she had them, they've gone very poorly. in fact, the last one she had put her in the hospital.
she's also on meds that make her perpetually nauseous. for months now i've been telling her to go talk to her gp and see if there's something they can do. she's been refusing all this time.
oh, and she also runs a home daycare and has always had a "this business puts a roof over your head so it's a family responsibility" attitude.
she let me have a few days after surgery, but then she started complaining that she was sore and nauseous. every morning at 9am she calls me and says she needs to go to the bathroom, so i go upstairs and sit with the kids (tending to their needs). 20 minutes later when i go find her she's laying in bed. i'm left to make and serve lunch, clean up, and get them all to the potty and outside to play, then to bed. i get about an hour and a half, maybe two hour break doing my own thing, and then she's calling me back upstairs so i can supervise snack and get the kids ready to go home, again while she takes a nap.
it's been this way every day for weeks. there was one day where i asked my boyfriend to take me for an afternoon drive since i was tired of being cooped up all the time but didn't really feel up to actually doing anything (ie movies, mall, dinner, etc). the whole time i was getting ready, my mom was super whiny. she didn't want to be alone with the kids.
i'm to the point where i'm honestly not sure if i believe she's as sick as she claims she is. i kind of just feel taken advantage of.
i go back to work myself on monday and since i've been doing so much when i wasn't supposed to i still feel so sore. i really don't know if i can do it but i have to because i'm broke now.
so aita for losing sympathy for her? i sorta feel bad but at the same time she didn't really seem to care about me...
| 148 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bs7mkp/aita_for_losing_sympathy_for_my_mom/
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2019-05-23 20:08:17
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nta - she is treating you like free labor. also i'm not even sure she can do that with a day care, aren't they strictly regulated?
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nta do the parents know that your mom isn't the primary caretaker for the kids?
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definitely nta. your mom, however, sounds like a giant asshole. can you move out?
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nta - you just don't feel taken advantage of, it seems she is genuinely taking advantage of you.
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: at the end of february i got a call from the plastic surgeon's office that was doing my breast reduction. the nurse said she had a date for me - april 15th. i happily accepted and told my mom, who seemed to be happy for me. the following week, she booked an appointment to have an infusion (she has to get them every 4 months) on april 12th. the last several times she had them, they've gone very poorly. in fact, the last one she had put her in the hospital. she's also on meds that make her perpetually nauseous. for months now i've been telling her to go talk to her gp and see if there's something they can do. she's been refusing all this time. oh, and she also runs a home daycare and has always had a "this business puts a roof over your head so it's a family responsibility" attitude. she let me have a few days after surgery, but then she started complaining that she was sore and nauseous. every morning at 9am she calls me and says she needs to go to the bathroom, so i go upstairs and sit with the kids (tending to their needs). 20 minutes later when i go find her she's laying in bed. i'm left to make and serve lunch, clean up, and get them all to the potty and outside to play, then to bed. i get about an hour and a half, maybe two hour break doing my own thing, and then she's calling me back upstairs so i can supervise snack and get the kids ready to go home, again while she takes a nap. it's been this way every day for weeks. there was one day where i asked my boyfriend to take me for an afternoon drive since i was tired of being cooped up all the time but didn't really feel up to actually doing anything (ie movies, mall, dinner, etc). the whole time i was getting ready, my mom was super whiny. she didn't want to be alone with the kids. i'm to the point where i'm honestly not sure if i believe she's as sick as she claims she is. i kind of just feel taken advantage of. i go back to work myself on monday and since i've been doing so much when i wasn't supposed to i still feel so sore. i really don't know if i can do it but i have to because i'm broke now. so aita for losing sympathy for her? i sorta feel bad but at the same time she didn't really seem to care about me...
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
at the end of february i got a call from the plastic surgeon's office that was doing my breast reduction. the nurse said she had a date for me - april 15th. i happily accepted and told my mom, who seemed to be happy for me. the following week, she booked an appointment to have an infusion (she has to get them every 4 months) on april 12th. the last several times she had them, they've gone very poorly. in fact, the last one she had put her in the hospital. she's also on meds that make her perpetually nauseous. for months now i've been telling her to go talk to her gp and see if there's something they can do. she's been refusing all this time. oh, and she also runs a home daycare and has always had a "this business puts a roof over your head so it's a family responsibility" attitude. she let me have a few days after surgery, but then she started complaining that she was sore and nauseous. every morning at 9am she calls me and says she needs to go to the bathroom, so i go upstairs and sit with the kids (tending to their needs). 20 minutes later when i go find her she's laying in bed. i'm left to make and serve lunch, clean up, and get them all to the potty and outside to play, then to bed. i get about an hour and a half, maybe two hour break doing my own thing, and then she's calling me back upstairs so i can supervise snack and get the kids ready to go home, again while she takes a nap. it's been this way every day for weeks. there was one day where i asked my boyfriend to take me for an afternoon drive since i was tired of being cooped up all the time but didn't really feel up to actually doing anything (ie movies, mall, dinner, etc). the whole time i was getting ready, my mom was super whiny. she didn't want to be alone with the kids. i'm to the point where i'm honestly not sure if i believe she's as sick as she claims she is. i kind of just feel taken advantage of. i go back to work myself on monday and since i've been doing so much when i wasn't supposed to i still feel so sore. i really don't know if i can do it but i have to because i'm broke now. so aita for losing sympathy for her? i sorta feel bad but at the same time she didn't really seem to care about me... [/INST] nta - she is treating you like free labor. also i'm not even sure she can do that with a day care, aren't they strictly regulated? </s>
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AITA for telling my sister I wouldn't be her surrogate if she couldn't get pregnant?
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this is a conversation that took place years ago but i have thought about it a lot since and i wonder if i was wrong.
my sister asked me if in the future if she were to find out she can't carry her own kids, if i would be her surrogate. i was honest and said no. i am transgender. i'm not sure i ever want to carry my own kids, let alone someone else's. the idea of being pregnant sounds miserable and dysphoric. on top of that, i have a history with eating disorders and pregnancy sounds very triggering for that. we also don't even know if i could carry children as i have some chronic illnesses. but i don't think any of these reasons should matter. i feel like any reason i don't want to be pregnant, whether that's with my own child or someone else's is valid. my sister and i both have been strong advocates for people's right to choose. so my sister's reaction when i said i wouldn't be her surrogate was shocking to me. she said i'm selfish. am i wrong here?
| 338 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ycngv0/aita_for_telling_my_sister_i_wouldnt_be_her/
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2022-10-24 21:39:03
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nta-pregancy is not for everyone and the things that hormones do to your body are no joke!
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nta
you are not wrong. you don't even need any reasons to say no to the possibility beyond not wanting to. none the less you have a ton of very valid reasons not to want to do that.
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nta
it's not selfish. it's a huge medical risk involving permanent physical changes.
you can't be a surrogate if you've never had a successful birth before, so you wouldn't be allowed anyways.
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nta. your sister shouldn’t assume rights to your body
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selfish??? it's your body not hers lol, nta
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nta. your sister can ask but it's a very big ask. it's selfish of her to not realize that and respect your decision.
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nta.
any reputable agency wouldn’t allow you as a surrogate simply because you have no living children of your own.
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nta. your sister is asking for something far far outside of what could ever be expected that she is not entitled to. she is accusing you of being selfish because she is.
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nta. it’s a very personal decision. there are other options for planning a family.
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nta but i’m pretty sure have to already given birth to be qualified anyway.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is a conversation that took place years ago but i have thought about it a lot since and i wonder if i was wrong. my sister asked me if in the future if she were to find out she can't carry her own kids, if i would be her surrogate. i was honest and said no. i am transgender. i'm not sure i ever want to carry my own kids, let alone someone else's. the idea of being pregnant sounds miserable and dysphoric. on top of that, i have a history with eating disorders and pregnancy sounds very triggering for that. we also don't even know if i could carry children as i have some chronic illnesses. but i don't think any of these reasons should matter. i feel like any reason i don't want to be pregnant, whether that's with my own child or someone else's is valid. my sister and i both have been strong advocates for people's right to choose. so my sister's reaction when i said i wouldn't be her surrogate was shocking to me. she said i'm selfish. am i wrong here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is a conversation that took place years ago but i have thought about it a lot since and i wonder if i was wrong. my sister asked me if in the future if she were to find out she can't carry her own kids, if i would be her surrogate. i was honest and said no. i am transgender. i'm not sure i ever want to carry my own kids, let alone someone else's. the idea of being pregnant sounds miserable and dysphoric. on top of that, i have a history with eating disorders and pregnancy sounds very triggering for that. we also don't even know if i could carry children as i have some chronic illnesses. but i don't think any of these reasons should matter. i feel like any reason i don't want to be pregnant, whether that's with my own child or someone else's is valid. my sister and i both have been strong advocates for people's right to choose. so my sister's reaction when i said i wouldn't be her surrogate was shocking to me. she said i'm selfish. am i wrong here? [/INST] nta-pregancy is not for everyone and the things that hormones do to your body are no joke! </s>
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AITA for refusing to drive a relative to the hospital at 3 am?
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i (20f) refused to drive family relative to the hospital because my parents disregarded my feelings. i sound like a horrible person, but here’s the story. i come from a shitty family, and i hate my father. he’s been distant my whole life. growing up, my mom had to make do with her own medication experiments whenever me and my siblings would get sick cause he was too lazy to drive to the hospital. he missed birthdays, recitals, important life events cause he was busy with his friends.
fast forward to 18, my father forces me to get my license. i have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, and i’m terrified of driving, regardless of it he forced me to get it. i thought it was his way of trying to make me be independent, but the truth was he just wanted me to be the family’s chauffeur. when i hit 20, my dad got me a nice car and i was so happy, but i shouldn’t have been. you see, this was a way to control where i was going since he felt entitled to know because after all, he paid for the car, so the car was mostly used for family matters.
so picture this, its exam week. im stressed about all the studying i have to do, since i’d missed time driving my mother to the hospital to visit my aunt, so all those trips added even more stress (note: we live in a very busy area in a shitty country so everyone drives recklessly and there’s traffic).
so my father calls my mom, didn’t tell me personally, and says “my cousin will be staying over for a doctor visit, tell (my name) to drive her there.” i was pissed since i had to study but i figured it would be a quick stop. it ended up to be a 4 hour line, we were stuck in traffic for so long, and i was tired and started shaking from exhaustion since i didn’t get good sleep either.
they’re finally done so i drive home trying my best to avoid the stress, until we finally arrive and my mother gives me a long list of errands to run. i was seeing red. i didn’t wanna embarrass her in front of the cousin, so i just went quiet, dropped them off and drove off. as soon as i did, i started having a panic attack. my body would tense up and my vision would go white for a couple of seconds, followed by confusion and wondering where i was, to almost fainting in a herd of traffic. this kept happening for about an hour, so i drove home. i was so exhausted i didn’t even confront my mom.
so its 3 am, i’m doing exam work and my mother comes in my room telling me i’ve to drive the cousin to the hospital, and i refuse. my mom then texts me, says stop being childish, so i tell her what happened today in traffic and her answer is “so what? stop overreacting”. i then realised both my mom and my dad only care about anyone but their kids, so i told her off. she called a taxi and drove the relative to the hospital, they came back home, and now my mom is upset with me. she hasn’t told my dad yet, but when she does im thinking of returning my dad’s gift. i feel bad for not driving the woman to the hospital though. aita?
| 2,463 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/viu7yn/aita_for_refusing_to_drive_a_relative_to_the/
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2022-06-23 10:58:26
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nta. your family is toxic af. use your license to drive yourself far away from your family, for good.
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nta. you're not a servant. one thing is contributing to household, something else is being treated like a equipment not like a person.
this is gonna continue until you move out and cut off the contact.
your problems and feelings are important. don't let anyone to persuade you to someting different.
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nta.you could not have driven safely in that state. ask your mother if she'd have liked to see her cousin, and incidentally her child whom she really should care about, dead in a car crash because she forced you to drive when exhausted, which is worse than driving drunk.
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a gift should never come with conditions or obligations, otherwise it’s not a gift. as you said, the ‘gift’ of the car was just a way to control you.
you are being treated as a chauffeur (unpaid, at that), which is unfair for someone without anxiety issues. for someone with anxiety at your level, it’s downright unsafe. the one person you should have driven to the hospital was yourself, when you were having that vision-loss. at the very least, you shouldn’t have continued driving for an hour.
your mother’s reaction was very telling. she obviously doesn’t believe your condition and/or doesn’t care.
get out asap. your parents are toxic af. i hope you can do so soon, safely.
nta, for sure.
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nta. but give the car back.
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nta. but i can understand the situation you’re in where parents don’t give a damn about you, make you do stuff for them even if you are too tired and then expect good grades too. it’s even more frustrating to not be able to move out because you would have no where to go.
if you can find a way to escape, good for you because i myself wasn’t able to, until i got married.
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nta, why is no one in your house able to drive? you dad can drive, your mom can drive, heck the cousin could have driven themselves. give back the car and have them drive themselves….unless if the car is in your name then legally it is yours no matter who paid for it so kept it and drive away from them.
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nta.
your parents are trying to undermine your education though. by making you responsible for all of the transportation, it leaves you too stressed and too tired, without enough time to study.
they obviously have other means to get to where they and the rest of the family need to go. it's just more convenient to have a driver at their beck and call.
whose name is on the car title? did your father pay for the car in full, or did he take out a loan?
if the car is titled in your father's name, give it back with no worries.
if the car is in your name, don't give it back without making sure to sign the title over to him. you don't want to have any liability for the car, or any accidents or issues while it's in your name. and seriously consider that if you own the car and there is no loan to be paid, you are free to get in that car and leave.
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nta
please, when you can, work on moving out and on with your life. if the car is in your name then keep it if you need to, otherwise you may need to leave it.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (20f) refused to drive family relative to the hospital because my parents disregarded my feelings. i sound like a horrible person, but here’s the story. i come from a shitty family, and i hate my father. he’s been distant my whole life. growing up, my mom had to make do with her own medication experiments whenever me and my siblings would get sick cause he was too lazy to drive to the hospital. he missed birthdays, recitals, important life events cause he was busy with his friends. fast forward to 18, my father forces me to get my license. i have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, and i’m terrified of driving, regardless of it he forced me to get it. i thought it was his way of trying to make me be independent, but the truth was he just wanted me to be the family’s chauffeur. when i hit 20, my dad got me a nice car and i was so happy, but i shouldn’t have been. you see, this was a way to control where i was going since he felt entitled to know because after all, he paid for the car, so the car was mostly used for family matters. so picture this, its exam week. im stressed about all the studying i have to do, since i’d missed time driving my mother to the hospital to visit my aunt, so all those trips added even more stress (note: we live in a very busy area in a shitty country so everyone drives recklessly and there’s traffic). so my father calls my mom, didn’t tell me personally, and says “my cousin will be staying over for a doctor visit, tell (my name) to drive her there.” i was pissed since i had to study but i figured it would be a quick stop. it ended up to be a 4 hour line, we were stuck in traffic for so long, and i was tired and started shaking from exhaustion since i didn’t get good sleep either. they’re finally done so i drive home trying my best to avoid the stress, until we finally arrive and my mother gives me a long list of errands to run. i was seeing red. i didn’t wanna embarrass her in front of the cousin, so i just went quiet, dropped them off and drove off. as soon as i did, i started having a panic attack. my body would tense up and my vision would go white for a couple of seconds, followed by confusion and wondering where i was, to almost fainting in a herd of traffic. this kept happening for about an hour, so i drove home. i was so exhausted i didn’t even confront my mom. so its 3 am, i’m doing exam work and my mother comes in my room telling me i’ve to drive the cousin to the hospital, and i refuse. my mom then texts me, says stop being childish, so i tell her what happened today in traffic and her answer is “so what? stop overreacting”. i then realised both my mom and my dad only care about anyone but their kids, so i told her off. she called a taxi and drove the relative to the hospital, they came back home, and now my mom is upset with me. she hasn’t told my dad yet, but when she does im thinking of returning my dad’s gift. i feel bad for not driving the woman to the hospital though. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (20f) refused to drive family relative to the hospital because my parents disregarded my feelings. i sound like a horrible person, but here’s the story. i come from a shitty family, and i hate my father. he’s been distant my whole life. growing up, my mom had to make do with her own medication experiments whenever me and my siblings would get sick cause he was too lazy to drive to the hospital. he missed birthdays, recitals, important life events cause he was busy with his friends. fast forward to 18, my father forces me to get my license. i have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, and i’m terrified of driving, regardless of it he forced me to get it. i thought it was his way of trying to make me be independent, but the truth was he just wanted me to be the family’s chauffeur. when i hit 20, my dad got me a nice car and i was so happy, but i shouldn’t have been. you see, this was a way to control where i was going since he felt entitled to know because after all, he paid for the car, so the car was mostly used for family matters. so picture this, its exam week. im stressed about all the studying i have to do, since i’d missed time driving my mother to the hospital to visit my aunt, so all those trips added even more stress (note: we live in a very busy area in a shitty country so everyone drives recklessly and there’s traffic). so my father calls my mom, didn’t tell me personally, and says “my cousin will be staying over for a doctor visit, tell (my name) to drive her there.” i was pissed since i had to study but i figured it would be a quick stop. it ended up to be a 4 hour line, we were stuck in traffic for so long, and i was tired and started shaking from exhaustion since i didn’t get good sleep either. they’re finally done so i drive home trying my best to avoid the stress, until we finally arrive and my mother gives me a long list of errands to run. i was seeing red. i didn’t wanna embarrass her in front of the cousin, so i just went quiet, dropped them off and drove off. as soon as i did, i started having a panic attack. my body would tense up and my vision would go white for a couple of seconds, followed by confusion and wondering where i was, to almost fainting in a herd of traffic. this kept happening for about an hour, so i drove home. i was so exhausted i didn’t even confront my mom. so its 3 am, i’m doing exam work and my mother comes in my room telling me i’ve to drive the cousin to the hospital, and i refuse. my mom then texts me, says stop being childish, so i tell her what happened today in traffic and her answer is “so what? stop overreacting”. i then realised both my mom and my dad only care about anyone but their kids, so i told her off. she called a taxi and drove the relative to the hospital, they came back home, and now my mom is upset with me. she hasn’t told my dad yet, but when she does im thinking of returning my dad’s gift. i feel bad for not driving the woman to the hospital though. aita? [/INST] nta. your family is toxic af. use your license to drive yourself far away from your family, for good. </s>
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AITA for trying out cheat sheets in exams in my class
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everybody who finds a grammar/spelling mistake can take a cookie 🍪 but don’t be mad at me if you get fat from all the cookies as i am no native speaker.
to the story at hand: i am relatively new in teaching and realised many students deal with panic and anxiety in exams.
i wanted to help them and researched and found a great idea: allowed cheat sheets.
so it works like this:
the class is prepared for the exam and on the table there is nothing more than the pens they are allowed to use and a piece of blank paper (roughly 10cm x 15cm) labels „cheat sheet from ms. teacher“.
the students are given 5 minutes and the can write down whatever they want. they have no books and materials, just their mind, their pens and the blank piece of paper.
after 5 minutes they get their exams and do the exam. and they can use the „cheat sheet“.
and i tried it with my class. i did not grade the exams yet because i can barely sit straight (i am sick) but they were calmer and more relaxed during the exam, after the confusion in the beginning on why they were writing this cheat sheets.
i believe it is a good thing to do. because: if i can write something down from my mind 5 minutes before the exam it’s not cheating.
well not everybody thinks like this: i got an e-mail from a parent of a child i don’t even teach. the email says that i am an ah for doing this ich my students because it would give them an advantage compared to the other students as they are not allowed to make cheat sheets. and that she will go to admin about this. admin likes the idea i tried out but co admin also told me i am the ah because i am making it to easy for the students and giving them advantage.
aita for encouraging them to write down what they know so they are more relaxed with „cheat sheets“
quick
| 262 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmliak/aita_for_trying_out_cheat_sheets_in_exams_in_my/
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2022-12-15 13:49:24
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nta. in real life, when you want to solve problems, you use all the resources available to you. you do not have to have every little thing memorized to demonstrate understanding of how things work. cheat sheet exams are more reflective of how the world works than closed-book exams, and your students are developing useful skills to help them later in life. you are not responsible for the fact that not everyone does this.
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nta
the word "cheat sheet" probably set off that mother.
to be honest, i used to do something like this before i started taking my own exams. i would write out all the formulas i knew from memory. any symbols i remembered, and i would even try to organize them.
i didn't copy it from a book or print it out from the computer or bring it from home. i would just tear out the last blank page of the exam or get scratch paper and then write stuff out.
maybe relabel what you call it:
5 minute- brain storm!
because that's what it is. they are searching their brains for relevant information and organizing it. it's a great way to get them mentally engaged and focused before they get to the first question. sort of like a warm-up before going for a 5 mile run.
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nta - that seems like an excellent idea! now not only are you testing them with the exam, you are training them to sort and recall important information themselves, without the prompt of a test question. that will be far more useful to them in life than their ability to take a test.
i'm not sure why anyone would think this constitutes an unfair advantage - it's not as if they have access to outside materials during the test, only their own minds. most standardized tests allow spare paper to write your own notes as needed anyhow, so if anything it's a standard testing procedure.
good on you for finding a way to reduce your students testing anxiety and better prepare them for the world ahead. we desperately need more teachers like you!
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nta. how could it be a cheat sheet when the source of the "cheat" is the examinees' own memory of what they studied? 😑 that outside parent was just being salty.
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nta, they have nothing except for a pen and paper, there are no books around those 5 mins. i think it is a great idea!! i wished my teachers would allow this at my school.. i mean, you are trying out new ways for kids to learn. i dont see how this is a asshole move… it is just a really good method to calm the kids during a test which can lead to better grades!
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nta: it's brilliant. they do a little pre-exam cramming, focus their thoughts and feel like they're getting away with something.
my husband used to make cheat sheets for his exams. took tons of time and rewrote them smaller and smaller so he could hide them easily. he never had to use them because by making them he was actually studying. i have a feeling your students will study and prep for what they want to put on their sanctioned cheat sheets.
if your admin supports you, keep at it.
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nta.
case of one person spoiling it for everyone else.
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nta
is this parent upset about open book tests too? some teachers allow students to use the book to write everything they can on a 3x5" card. this isn't much different than that. i say, if it works, keep it up.
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i'm going to say nta based on your post.
in my country, you are always allowed to write stuff down on a separate piece of paper before/during the exam (without books and notes of course). also, i don't consider this really cheating. nobody is using anything extra that they wouldn't be allowed to use during the exam.
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nah i’ve been in (college stem) classes that allowed a more real “cheat sheet” than you have here. people were allowed one 8 1/2 x 11” of whatever notes they cared to bring with them. some people wrote a few formulas. some people used reducing photocopiers to put multiple pages of tiny print on their one page. it was really rather silly, i thought, the energy some put in to bringing as much reference material as possible with them.
i think that even calling them cheat sheets in your case might be part of the problem. since they only contain what was in the students’ heads already, the name implies something that isn’t true. in what sense is writing down anything you know cheating? i’d probably call them “scratch paper”—a place to write stuff that isn’t the exam itself.
if your students are being directly compared to other students taking the same subject from a different instructor, then you should be in agreement with that instructor about what materials are covered and how exams are done. but beyond that, i just think this is part of your teaching style and it’s fine.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: everybody who finds a grammar/spelling mistake can take a cookie 🍪 but don’t be mad at me if you get fat from all the cookies as i am no native speaker. to the story at hand: i am relatively new in teaching and realised many students deal with panic and anxiety in exams. i wanted to help them and researched and found a great idea: allowed cheat sheets. so it works like this: the class is prepared for the exam and on the table there is nothing more than the pens they are allowed to use and a piece of blank paper (roughly 10cm x 15cm) labels „cheat sheet from ms. teacher“. the students are given 5 minutes and the can write down whatever they want. they have no books and materials, just their mind, their pens and the blank piece of paper. after 5 minutes they get their exams and do the exam. and they can use the „cheat sheet“. and i tried it with my class. i did not grade the exams yet because i can barely sit straight (i am sick) but they were calmer and more relaxed during the exam, after the confusion in the beginning on why they were writing this cheat sheets. i believe it is a good thing to do. because: if i can write something down from my mind 5 minutes before the exam it’s not cheating. well not everybody thinks like this: i got an e-mail from a parent of a child i don’t even teach. the email says that i am an ah for doing this ich my students because it would give them an advantage compared to the other students as they are not allowed to make cheat sheets. and that she will go to admin about this. admin likes the idea i tried out but co admin also told me i am the ah because i am making it to easy for the students and giving them advantage. aita for encouraging them to write down what they know so they are more relaxed with „cheat sheets“ quick
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
everybody who finds a grammar/spelling mistake can take a cookie 🍪 but don’t be mad at me if you get fat from all the cookies as i am no native speaker. to the story at hand: i am relatively new in teaching and realised many students deal with panic and anxiety in exams. i wanted to help them and researched and found a great idea: allowed cheat sheets. so it works like this: the class is prepared for the exam and on the table there is nothing more than the pens they are allowed to use and a piece of blank paper (roughly 10cm x 15cm) labels „cheat sheet from ms. teacher“. the students are given 5 minutes and the can write down whatever they want. they have no books and materials, just their mind, their pens and the blank piece of paper. after 5 minutes they get their exams and do the exam. and they can use the „cheat sheet“. and i tried it with my class. i did not grade the exams yet because i can barely sit straight (i am sick) but they were calmer and more relaxed during the exam, after the confusion in the beginning on why they were writing this cheat sheets. i believe it is a good thing to do. because: if i can write something down from my mind 5 minutes before the exam it’s not cheating. well not everybody thinks like this: i got an e-mail from a parent of a child i don’t even teach. the email says that i am an ah for doing this ich my students because it would give them an advantage compared to the other students as they are not allowed to make cheat sheets. and that she will go to admin about this. admin likes the idea i tried out but co admin also told me i am the ah because i am making it to easy for the students and giving them advantage. aita for encouraging them to write down what they know so they are more relaxed with „cheat sheets“ quick [/INST] nta. in real life, when you want to solve problems, you use all the resources available to you. you do not have to have every little thing memorized to demonstrate understanding of how things work. cheat sheet exams are more reflective of how the world works than closed-book exams, and your students are developing useful skills to help them later in life. you are not responsible for the fact that not everyone does this. </s>
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AITA for not allowing my future mother in law to be apart of my pregnancy?
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my boyfriend(m20) and i(f19) just found out we’re expecting a baby. ever since we’ve found out we’ve told his parents and my parents. my parents are being super supportive but his mother on the other hand.. well.. isn’t.
for context she hasn’t ever trusted me since i’ve started dating him in 2018. she has always accused me of being an attention seeker. for example in 2019 when my car got stolen, and she said “i was doing it for the attention and my car didn’t actually get stolen.” and she did the same thing when i got into a major accident that left me without a car for a few months, and going to the doctor for a checkup every other week.
so when she found out i was pregnant, she was being super nice to me. we’ve had a few conversations alone and then later that night my boyfriend would text me everything she would say. she would say that “she’s the one at fault here.” or that “i’m just faking the pregnancy so i can get attention.” also trying to twist my words around telling him i had told her we weren’t using protection(which we were). after that i told him i don’t want to talk to her by myself anymore.
(just so y’all know my boyfriend has been sticking up for me to his parents and anybody else who decides to bash me or our baby)
a few days later, she walks into his room at 6:30 in the morning to wake him up and tell him that, i did it on purpose, to baby trap him. to make him get married to me. the only way i knew about this was because he texted me at 7 that morning to tell me what she had said. and it broke my heart because i wanted to have a good relationship with my future mil. so i told him i didn’t want her involved in the pregnancy anymore if this is how she was going to treat me for the rest of my pregnancy. when he told her she started crying and apologizing to s. but she hasn’t apologized to me and everybody except my boyfriend is telling me to let her help with the pregnancy. but i don’t want her involved at all and people are telling me i’m the asshole. so aita?
update : for all of y’all that are wondering we are currently looking for a new apartment. he is still living with his mom because he’s had to focus on college so he has only had time to work on fridays and the weekends and luckily finals are next week and he graduates pretty soon. so he will be able to work more and we can find a better apartment but my lease is ending soon and my apartment is too small for the two of us so that’s the main reason he hasn’t moved out with me quite yet.
| 476 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/reg8ac/aita_for_not_allowing_my_future_mother_in_law_to/
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2021-12-12 03:44:08
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nta. you owe her nothing, she is being incredibly toxic and rude to you
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nta, she can be a part of the pregnancy when she directly apologizes and works the issues out with you.
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info: is your boyfriend living with his mother? is he in any way financially dependent on her?
if the answer to both of those questions is “yes,” then you’re in a tough situation.
you don’t owe mil anything, but your boyfriend does. until he is financially independent and living with *you* instead of *her,* you don’t get to kick her out of your life because that would mean kicking him out of your life.
i know you used protection, but obviously that pesky 1% chance of failure came into play and now you’re pregnant and your baby’s father appears to be living with his mother (and not with you).
you can cut her out of your pregnancy but the real issue is that he needs to move out or else you’ll never be able to actually keep her uninvolved. do you two have plans to get a place together?
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nta, that woman is like one of the villian from dramas who lies to her son and destroy his relationships so she can control him.
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nta. just tell her you’re not seeking her attention.
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[removed]
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nta
also look into going nc that woman is toxic
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info: in what way can she 'help with the pregnancy'?
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nope. nta. she's a narcissist. make sure your feelings are known to the bf but she might be a lost cause that you both need to cut out of your lives.
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nta
you decide who you want to be around you in your life, let alone during pregnancy. so in no way are you wrong in excluding her with how she has treated you in the past and treating you right now. she’s not remorseful and the same even though she apologized to your boyfriend, she’s apologizing so as not to lose him and grandchild that is all. that’s why she didn’t bother apologize to you personally. anyone who says you should be the bigger person needs some awakening to the possible shit future mil can pull, steal the baby or accuse you of abuse to authorities etc; it’s very real and possible if anyone is saying this assumption is too much.
so do what’s best for yourself and have boyfriend respect it like how he has been doing
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend(m20) and i(f19) just found out we’re expecting a baby. ever since we’ve found out we’ve told his parents and my parents. my parents are being super supportive but his mother on the other hand.. well.. isn’t. for context she hasn’t ever trusted me since i’ve started dating him in 2018. she has always accused me of being an attention seeker. for example in 2019 when my car got stolen, and she said “i was doing it for the attention and my car didn’t actually get stolen.” and she did the same thing when i got into a major accident that left me without a car for a few months, and going to the doctor for a checkup every other week. so when she found out i was pregnant, she was being super nice to me. we’ve had a few conversations alone and then later that night my boyfriend would text me everything she would say. she would say that “she’s the one at fault here.” or that “i’m just faking the pregnancy so i can get attention.” also trying to twist my words around telling him i had told her we weren’t using protection(which we were). after that i told him i don’t want to talk to her by myself anymore. (just so y’all know my boyfriend has been sticking up for me to his parents and anybody else who decides to bash me or our baby) a few days later, she walks into his room at 6:30 in the morning to wake him up and tell him that, i did it on purpose, to baby trap him. to make him get married to me. the only way i knew about this was because he texted me at 7 that morning to tell me what she had said. and it broke my heart because i wanted to have a good relationship with my future mil. so i told him i didn’t want her involved in the pregnancy anymore if this is how she was going to treat me for the rest of my pregnancy. when he told her she started crying and apologizing to s. but she hasn’t apologized to me and everybody except my boyfriend is telling me to let her help with the pregnancy. but i don’t want her involved at all and people are telling me i’m the asshole. so aita? update : for all of y’all that are wondering we are currently looking for a new apartment. he is still living with his mom because he’s had to focus on college so he has only had time to work on fridays and the weekends and luckily finals are next week and he graduates pretty soon. so he will be able to work more and we can find a better apartment but my lease is ending soon and my apartment is too small for the two of us so that’s the main reason he hasn’t moved out with me quite yet.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend(m20) and i(f19) just found out we’re expecting a baby. ever since we’ve found out we’ve told his parents and my parents. my parents are being super supportive but his mother on the other hand.. well.. isn’t. for context she hasn’t ever trusted me since i’ve started dating him in 2018. she has always accused me of being an attention seeker. for example in 2019 when my car got stolen, and she said “i was doing it for the attention and my car didn’t actually get stolen.” and she did the same thing when i got into a major accident that left me without a car for a few months, and going to the doctor for a checkup every other week. so when she found out i was pregnant, she was being super nice to me. we’ve had a few conversations alone and then later that night my boyfriend would text me everything she would say. she would say that “she’s the one at fault here.” or that “i’m just faking the pregnancy so i can get attention.” also trying to twist my words around telling him i had told her we weren’t using protection(which we were). after that i told him i don’t want to talk to her by myself anymore. (just so y’all know my boyfriend has been sticking up for me to his parents and anybody else who decides to bash me or our baby) a few days later, she walks into his room at 6:30 in the morning to wake him up and tell him that, i did it on purpose, to baby trap him. to make him get married to me. the only way i knew about this was because he texted me at 7 that morning to tell me what she had said. and it broke my heart because i wanted to have a good relationship with my future mil. so i told him i didn’t want her involved in the pregnancy anymore if this is how she was going to treat me for the rest of my pregnancy. when he told her she started crying and apologizing to s. but she hasn’t apologized to me and everybody except my boyfriend is telling me to let her help with the pregnancy. but i don’t want her involved at all and people are telling me i’m the asshole. so aita? update : for all of y’all that are wondering we are currently looking for a new apartment. he is still living with his mom because he’s had to focus on college so he has only had time to work on fridays and the weekends and luckily finals are next week and he graduates pretty soon. so he will be able to work more and we can find a better apartment but my lease is ending soon and my apartment is too small for the two of us so that’s the main reason he hasn’t moved out with me quite yet. [/INST] nta. you owe her nothing, she is being incredibly toxic and rude to you </s>
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