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AITA for wanting to walk into my first home without my wife?
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my wife [25f] and i [27m] have been married six months now. i have a good job in sales, and have managed to save enough to get together a deposit for a house. it is true that my parents have helped me out quite a bit too financially.
my wife has not been employed very consistently. she has worked as a model, but hasn’t saved much at all.
i bought the house, and the estate agent handed over the keys to me. my wife wasn’t there at the hand-over. i was obviously super excited to show her the house, and for us to start our lives together.
we drove up to the house yesterday. i said to her while we sat in the car outside: ‘is it ok if i go in alone first, just so i can have a moment alone in my first home?’ i felt that it was a significant moment in my life, and i wanted to experience it alone, even just for 30 seconds.
my wife was upset about this and has been off with me ever since. we have moved some of our stuff in but she’s clearly pissed. i think she’s being selfish. my brother says i am being ridiculous.
| 20,228 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ovgj5e/aita_for_wanting_to_walk_into_my_first_home/
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2021-07-31 22:34:53
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yta...and you know what else? since it’s your house, you get to do all of the cleaning; maintenance; etc. (she’s just a dumb model so she probably couldn’t figure those things out, anyway. /s)
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yta - why did you get married if you don’t want to experience life with your wife?
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yta. it’s a big moment for you. probably for her too. even if it’s not a big moment for her. sharing in each other’s big moments is usually a big part of marriage.
you telling her to wait in the car is a huge and unnecessary slight.
why are you even married if you’re still thinking in terms of mine and yours.
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yta. you keep talking about “my house”, as if you were not married at the time of purchase. it’s your wife’s house too, bro. you are the one being selfish.
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yta. the home is for both of you.
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i would suggest asking yourself why you wouldn’t want to experience a significant moment in your life without your life partner.
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yta. first, you're married. so you by nature share everything.
second, by you wanting to go in alone, you've now set the precedent that she doesn't belong there. its not our house, its your house. how can she feel comfortable there now? and, how can she feel like you are a partnership like you're supposed to be as a married couple if you are so possessive of such a huge joint responsibility? no wonder she feels uncomfortable. you need to do something to make her feel reassured that its her home too.
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[deleted]
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yta. apologise and reassess what you think it means to be married.
she is not being selfish - this is her new home too. you thinking the moment is more significant *without* her than *with* her? makes *you* selfish. your whole idea is that the moment isn't as special if it's shared with your wife.
your brother is right to call you ridiculous. if you hadn't come here to (presumably) get advice, i'd be ridiculing you right now.
but, you did. so yeah. apology, reassessment. marriage is a partnership, and your shared home isn't one of the things you get to claim for yourself any more.
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yta. you sound like a brat. why did this woman even agree to marry you? bought a house and because you paid for it, you excluded your spouse?!? selfish, controlling, possessive, and probably a narcissist too.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife [25f] and i [27m] have been married six months now. i have a good job in sales, and have managed to save enough to get together a deposit for a house. it is true that my parents have helped me out quite a bit too financially. my wife has not been employed very consistently. she has worked as a model, but hasn’t saved much at all. i bought the house, and the estate agent handed over the keys to me. my wife wasn’t there at the hand-over. i was obviously super excited to show her the house, and for us to start our lives together. we drove up to the house yesterday. i said to her while we sat in the car outside: ‘is it ok if i go in alone first, just so i can have a moment alone in my first home?’ i felt that it was a significant moment in my life, and i wanted to experience it alone, even just for 30 seconds. my wife was upset about this and has been off with me ever since. we have moved some of our stuff in but she’s clearly pissed. i think she’s being selfish. my brother says i am being ridiculous.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife [25f] and i [27m] have been married six months now. i have a good job in sales, and have managed to save enough to get together a deposit for a house. it is true that my parents have helped me out quite a bit too financially. my wife has not been employed very consistently. she has worked as a model, but hasn’t saved much at all. i bought the house, and the estate agent handed over the keys to me. my wife wasn’t there at the hand-over. i was obviously super excited to show her the house, and for us to start our lives together. we drove up to the house yesterday. i said to her while we sat in the car outside: ‘is it ok if i go in alone first, just so i can have a moment alone in my first home?’ i felt that it was a significant moment in my life, and i wanted to experience it alone, even just for 30 seconds. my wife was upset about this and has been off with me ever since. we have moved some of our stuff in but she’s clearly pissed. i think she’s being selfish. my brother says i am being ridiculous. [/INST] yta...and you know what else? since it’s your house, you get to do all of the cleaning; maintenance; etc. (she’s just a dumb model so she probably couldn’t figure those things out, anyway. /s) </s>
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AITA for hiding my son from my boyfriend?
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me and this guy (35f and 23m) had been dating for almost a year now. i didn't tell him that i had a 9 year old son at first, because i thought it might be a turn off initially, and that he might feel burdened because he'd feel he had some kind of responsibility he wasn't ready for. he's still really young, and i didn't want him to think i'd expect him to be some kind of father figure immediately. of course i wasn't going to keep this from him for much longer, i'd actually considered telling him already but it just never seemed like it was the right moment. i was able to keep it from him because my son mostly lives with his dad, and i was able to coordinate the time i spend with him without it clashing with when i see my boyfriend. we usually prefer to go out, but when he does come over i try to hide all traces of my son, which i know seems very over the top but again, i was going to tell him when the time was right.
he ended up finding out when i had taken a nap on his couch and i left my phone on the coffee table. he saw a text from my ex that asked if i could pick our son up from his grandparent's house instead of him driving him to my place. he thought at first that it was my brother asking me to pick up my nephew (he has the same name as my ex), and just casually told me that my brother had texted me. i told him that it was actually my son and he was understandably shocked. he didn't seem too happy that i had kept it from him. i told him i waited a bit to tell him because i didn't want him to feel pressure, and that i was going to tell him soon anyway. i also don't think one year is that long for a relationship, and that there are bound to be things that we still don't know about each other.
is it really that bad that i waited a bit before telling him about my son?
| 1,543 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ssv59n/aita_for_hiding_my_son_from_my_boyfriend/
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2022-02-15 05:12:16
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yta that’s a long time to be dating someone without mentioning something so important
add: it’s also kind of disrespectful to your kid like you’d rather pretend he doesn’t exist
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yta. massively so.
you didn’t wait “a bit.” it’s been a damn year.
around date 3 was the time to tell him. you lied to this guy. stop acting like you didn’t.
you are far too old to be this dense.
and yes, i get it. i’m a single mom of two. you just showed that he has no reason to trust you and to question what else you are keeping from him.
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yta - i don't date people with kids, full stop.
you want to wait to tell me? wait until you are more in love with me? then it will hurt more when i leave.
i'm female and i'm not changing my mind to raise someone else's kids. full stop.
you played yourself.
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you are absolutely everything that is wrong with age gap relationships. seriously, what the hell. he's too young for you and rather than admit that, you lied to him so you could date a guy barely old enough to buy his own beer. that's not trying to avoid pressuring him, that's trying to make sure he doesn't realize he's in over his head. it's clear why you don't have custody of your child, he isn't your priority. you barely see him and when he's not around you pretend he doesn't exist. yta times 1,000.
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you didn't tell him because you thought it would be a turn off? so you wanted to manipulate him in to dating you with lies? yes, yta. that is a really ah thing to do. there may be things that you don't know about each other, but that fact that you have children should not be one of them! that comes up on the 1st date. or even before the 1st date if you meet on an online dating site.
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yta - there is a difference between telling someone you have a son and introducing someone to your son. it makes sense to wait a year maybe longer before an introduction. i get that. but dating … all cards on the table.
you say you don’t want to put pressure on him but what you’ve actually done is taken away his choice whether or not to get involved in a relationship that has a lot of weight to it. the two of you are in very different points of your lives and he should have all the facts on hand to make the best decisions for himself.
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reading this post be like:
the title: oh she's probably ta
35f & 23m: oh she's the asshole
dating for a year : jfc she's such an asshole
in sum, yta.
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[deleted]
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yta
yeah op, a year into a relationship sometimes you might not know everything about them, like their favorite flower or something. not that they have a whole ass kid
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yta
that's something you bring up on the first date. for some people kids are a deal breaker and you could have wasted a year of his time leading him into a situation he never agreed to.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me and this guy (35f and 23m) had been dating for almost a year now. i didn't tell him that i had a 9 year old son at first, because i thought it might be a turn off initially, and that he might feel burdened because he'd feel he had some kind of responsibility he wasn't ready for. he's still really young, and i didn't want him to think i'd expect him to be some kind of father figure immediately. of course i wasn't going to keep this from him for much longer, i'd actually considered telling him already but it just never seemed like it was the right moment. i was able to keep it from him because my son mostly lives with his dad, and i was able to coordinate the time i spend with him without it clashing with when i see my boyfriend. we usually prefer to go out, but when he does come over i try to hide all traces of my son, which i know seems very over the top but again, i was going to tell him when the time was right. he ended up finding out when i had taken a nap on his couch and i left my phone on the coffee table. he saw a text from my ex that asked if i could pick our son up from his grandparent's house instead of him driving him to my place. he thought at first that it was my brother asking me to pick up my nephew (he has the same name as my ex), and just casually told me that my brother had texted me. i told him that it was actually my son and he was understandably shocked. he didn't seem too happy that i had kept it from him. i told him i waited a bit to tell him because i didn't want him to feel pressure, and that i was going to tell him soon anyway. i also don't think one year is that long for a relationship, and that there are bound to be things that we still don't know about each other. is it really that bad that i waited a bit before telling him about my son?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me and this guy (35f and 23m) had been dating for almost a year now. i didn't tell him that i had a 9 year old son at first, because i thought it might be a turn off initially, and that he might feel burdened because he'd feel he had some kind of responsibility he wasn't ready for. he's still really young, and i didn't want him to think i'd expect him to be some kind of father figure immediately. of course i wasn't going to keep this from him for much longer, i'd actually considered telling him already but it just never seemed like it was the right moment. i was able to keep it from him because my son mostly lives with his dad, and i was able to coordinate the time i spend with him without it clashing with when i see my boyfriend. we usually prefer to go out, but when he does come over i try to hide all traces of my son, which i know seems very over the top but again, i was going to tell him when the time was right. he ended up finding out when i had taken a nap on his couch and i left my phone on the coffee table. he saw a text from my ex that asked if i could pick our son up from his grandparent's house instead of him driving him to my place. he thought at first that it was my brother asking me to pick up my nephew (he has the same name as my ex), and just casually told me that my brother had texted me. i told him that it was actually my son and he was understandably shocked. he didn't seem too happy that i had kept it from him. i told him i waited a bit to tell him because i didn't want him to feel pressure, and that i was going to tell him soon anyway. i also don't think one year is that long for a relationship, and that there are bound to be things that we still don't know about each other. is it really that bad that i waited a bit before telling him about my son? [/INST] yta that’s a long time to be dating someone without mentioning something so important add: it’s also kind of disrespectful to your kid like you’d rather pretend he doesn’t exist </s>
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AITA for wanting my MIL to choose another name?
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context: i am newly pregnant. everyone is very excited. especially our parents (my mom and and, and my mil; my fil passed away a few years ago).
my parents decided to pick up their since passed parents names (pop pop and mimi) to use for the baby, however my mil has been undecided.
now mind you there is plenty of time to figure this out and no need to land on something right in this moment.
i have one living grandparent. she goes by ‘mum mum’. this will be her 13th great grand child.
so last night i’m with my mil and in the midst of general conversation she says to my husband and i, ‘so i was thinking, i really don’t want to use ‘nana’ (her mother’s name), but i was thinking of using ‘mum mum’, i know that’s what your grandmother uses but when will we ever really be around together?’
i kind of just stared off into open space and said ‘hey yeah there is plenty of time to think about it and pick a name....’
like really, her logic is she doesn’t feel comfortable using her deceased mothers name but she is ok to use the name that the only living matriarch of my family uses?
i said this to my husband and he said ‘i am staying out of this.’
so when my mil is with my family again and they ask her ‘hey what name did you land on?’ she’s gonna sit there with a straight face and say she is jacking my grandmother’s name???
aita? (ps this is a gut check, i’m happy to let it go if the perception is that this is petty.)
| 167 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bvv769/aita_for_wanting_my_mil_to_choose_another_name/
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2019-06-02 08:08:13
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nta your husband does not get to stay out of this. this is his mom, he should be handling it. i read a long time ago, & think it is great advice, that you deal with disagreements with your family & he deals with his.
i agree with a previous poster that mil should be told that she will need to go by mum mum first name or city where she lives mum mum, & see how she feels about that or is she wants to change her mind. but husband should be the one to have this discussion with her.
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what is wrong with grandma and grandpa?
never got the obsession with nicknames they choose themselves.
but nta.
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you might like to point out to her that for the children you will need to add something so they know which mum mum you are talking about - so in her own home she could be mum mum but to your children she would have to be either ‘mum mum her name’ or ‘mum mum the place she lives’. the children will always know her as that and call her that. this may discourage her or she may be happy with it.
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yeahhhh i'm gonna have to go with... i don't know.
i do know that you're making a bigger deal of it than it needs to be.
like what if they actually had the same first name?
i get that this is a chosen name, but it's a nickname. you could call her mum mum [first or last name] to clear up any confusion.
yes i know your grandma had it first, but, it doesn't have to be a problem.
also your husband is being smart. i think he recognizes that it's far down the list of problems he has, and doesn't want to get in trouble with either of you.
i think it would be worse to make her go by something she hates.
my dad goes by pah-paw. which is what we called his dad. he just got to carry the name on. to me he's still just dad. but to his grandkids it's pah-paw.
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nah but a little bit childish for "she's jacking my grandma's name." it's not that big of a deal to be honest
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nta. it is a little odd and a bit of a dick move.
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nta but i seriously don’t understand every grandparent needing a different name and choosing it like they’re naming a baby. every grandparent is grandma or grandpa in my family.
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nah it's a nonissue, the first grandchild often has the annoying habit of picking the grandparents names themselves.
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nta, you're entitled to your opinion and she should probably respect it and pick another name, but this strikes me as really odd... i come from a culture where you call your grandparents grandma and grandpa, and for people to sit around picking their own nicknames is really weird o\_o
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>i said this to my husband and he said ‘i am staying out of this.’
nope, this is his mom and therefore his mess.
either way, while i find picking names this early on a little weird (what ever happened to being called grandma?), this is your kid and therefore your call. nta!
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003383 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: context: i am newly pregnant. everyone is very excited. especially our parents (my mom and and, and my mil; my fil passed away a few years ago). my parents decided to pick up their since passed parents names (pop pop and mimi) to use for the baby, however my mil has been undecided. now mind you there is plenty of time to figure this out and no need to land on something right in this moment. i have one living grandparent. she goes by ‘mum mum’. this will be her 13th great grand child. so last night i’m with my mil and in the midst of general conversation she says to my husband and i, ‘so i was thinking, i really don’t want to use ‘nana’ (her mother’s name), but i was thinking of using ‘mum mum’, i know that’s what your grandmother uses but when will we ever really be around together?’ i kind of just stared off into open space and said ‘hey yeah there is plenty of time to think about it and pick a name....’ like really, her logic is she doesn’t feel comfortable using her deceased mothers name but she is ok to use the name that the only living matriarch of my family uses? i said this to my husband and he said ‘i am staying out of this.’ so when my mil is with my family again and they ask her ‘hey what name did you land on?’ she’s gonna sit there with a straight face and say she is jacking my grandmother’s name??? aita? (ps this is a gut check, i’m happy to let it go if the perception is that this is petty.)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
context: i am newly pregnant. everyone is very excited. especially our parents (my mom and and, and my mil; my fil passed away a few years ago). my parents decided to pick up their since passed parents names (pop pop and mimi) to use for the baby, however my mil has been undecided. now mind you there is plenty of time to figure this out and no need to land on something right in this moment. i have one living grandparent. she goes by ‘mum mum’. this will be her 13th great grand child. so last night i’m with my mil and in the midst of general conversation she says to my husband and i, ‘so i was thinking, i really don’t want to use ‘nana’ (her mother’s name), but i was thinking of using ‘mum mum’, i know that’s what your grandmother uses but when will we ever really be around together?’ i kind of just stared off into open space and said ‘hey yeah there is plenty of time to think about it and pick a name....’ like really, her logic is she doesn’t feel comfortable using her deceased mothers name but she is ok to use the name that the only living matriarch of my family uses? i said this to my husband and he said ‘i am staying out of this.’ so when my mil is with my family again and they ask her ‘hey what name did you land on?’ she’s gonna sit there with a straight face and say she is jacking my grandmother’s name??? aita? (ps this is a gut check, i’m happy to let it go if the perception is that this is petty.) [/INST] nta your husband does not get to stay out of this. this is his mom, he should be handling it. i read a long time ago, & think it is great advice, that you deal with disagreements with your family & he deals with his. i agree with a previous poster that mil should be told that she will need to go by mum mum first name or city where she lives mum mum, & see how she feels about that or is she wants to change her mind. but husband should be the one to have this discussion with her. </s>
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AITA For telling a coworker to stop bringing cakes to the office?
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i have a coworker who's a hobby baker and often brings their finished products into the office to share with everyone.
this would be perfectly fine once in a while, but it's nearly every day, and was getting a bit excessive. i don't want to be tempted by sweets every day and it is unhealthy and upsetting to see my coworkers being led into unhealthy lifestyles by the sheer convenience of the sweets. they surely wouldn't be eating as many cakes etc. if they weren't brought in each day.
i was certain (and honestly still am) that others feel the same way but did not have the willpower to speak up about it.
so last week i mentioned to my coworker that it was nice they wanted to share with us but perhaps they should just choose their best creation once a week and bring that in rather than bombarding us with sugar and fat every day, since it will take a toll on peoples' health in the long term.
she assumed i was speaking on behalf of my coworkers (in a way i was, which is where i might've f'd up) and stopped bringing in sweets. but later a few asked her why she'd stopped baking and now my coworkers are upset with me that i asked her to stop bringing things in.
they said if i didn't want to have her snacks that was my prerogative but that it was uncalled for for me to speak on behalf of everybody or to tell our baking coworker what to do/suggest she has having a negative impact by sharing. (apparently her feelings were hurt for whatever reason--though i hadn't said anything personal. i still feel bad about it though as it was not the intention.)
i feel i was just speaking my mind and looking out for everyone's best interests. but i like and respect my coworkers for the most part, so i'm worried they have a point about how i went about what i did even if my intention was right.
so, aita for telling my coworker she should not brings cakes in every day? or was i just the only one who would speak up for everyone's best interests?
| 2,477 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vckraw/aita_for_telling_a_coworker_to_stop_bringing/
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2022-06-15 03:10:21
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yta
1, unless others had specifically expressed a shared concern, you were making a huge assumption. that was presumptuous. everyone here is an adult and can make their own choices. otherwise you're being controlling.
2, she was doing something nice and in telling her what you did, you made it sound like she was doing something wrong. you both rejected her kindness as well as implied that she was harming everyone. that is hurtful.
3, you singlehandedly took away some of the joy from the office because you personally struggle with self control. of course you aren't popular now.
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yta! oh yes, you are absolutely the asshole. you can't just assign opinions to your coworkers, nor speak on their behalf. you're not an elected representative, and no one asked you to do this.
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of course yta. mind your business.
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so let me get this straight. you assumed everyone in the office think the way you do. you spoke for all of them without speaking to any of them first. and you told off a coworker doing something kind for you and everyone else.
yta hands down.
it is nobody else's responsibility to handle your own temptations. control yourself.
edit to add: your intention was not right. your co-workers asked why she stopped because you were wrong that they want her to.
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yta. let's count the reasons why.
1. you took it upon yourself to police everyone else's health decisions, as if we're talking about toddlers and not whole ass adults who can decide for themselves if they want a slice of cake.
2. you projected your concerns on everyone else without asking them
3. you had the ginormous gall to speak for other people, and the complete lack of boundaries not to know why that's not your job
4. you shit on something your coworker clearly enjoyed doing
5. you also shit on the people said coworker clearly enjoyed doing it for
6. you're arrogant enough to believe your savior complex bullshit, and that grown people don't have the self-control to decline a piece of cake if they don't need a piece of cake
7. you're so clearly lacking in your own self control that you would rather deny everyone cake than wrestle your own feelings of temptation brought about by said cake; and
8. you reached epic levels of cluelessness by saying you thought it was "nuanced." it's not nuanced. you're a busybody.
and very much an ah
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\>i feel i was just speaking my mind and looking out for everyone's best interests.
yta big time. you were just trying to eliminate temptation bc apparently you lack self-control.
develop some willpower and stop trying to manage everyone else.
you're clearly trying to delude yourself that it's all for the greater good but no, you are being completely selfish.
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yta
your coworkers are adults, and while it *might* be from a good place that you're concerned for their health...it's not any of your business. you have absolutely no right to speak for the group and should not have done so unless they asked you to.
now you've upset a bunch of coworkers because of your own self-control issues (being tempted doesn't mean you ever have to eat it...) and offended someone who was doing something nice for the whole office.
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yta. i'm not buying your little act of being concerned for your coworkers. your issues with food are your problem. you don't get to choose whether or not your coworkers live a healthy lifestyle. if each and every one of them wanted to eat a whole cake every day that is their choice, not yours. you should figure and address your own issues with food instead of trying to control other people's diets.
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yta - "i don't have willpower not to eat sweets so i'm going to 'look out for everyone else' and ruin it for everyone."
your lack of self control is not other people's responsibility. don't want cake all the time? don't eat it.
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yta. you’re an adult, get some self control. your coworkers are adults. don’t take away their self control and choices. you don’t own them.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a coworker who's a hobby baker and often brings their finished products into the office to share with everyone. this would be perfectly fine once in a while, but it's nearly every day, and was getting a bit excessive. i don't want to be tempted by sweets every day and it is unhealthy and upsetting to see my coworkers being led into unhealthy lifestyles by the sheer convenience of the sweets. they surely wouldn't be eating as many cakes etc. if they weren't brought in each day. i was certain (and honestly still am) that others feel the same way but did not have the willpower to speak up about it. so last week i mentioned to my coworker that it was nice they wanted to share with us but perhaps they should just choose their best creation once a week and bring that in rather than bombarding us with sugar and fat every day, since it will take a toll on peoples' health in the long term. she assumed i was speaking on behalf of my coworkers (in a way i was, which is where i might've f'd up) and stopped bringing in sweets. but later a few asked her why she'd stopped baking and now my coworkers are upset with me that i asked her to stop bringing things in. they said if i didn't want to have her snacks that was my prerogative but that it was uncalled for for me to speak on behalf of everybody or to tell our baking coworker what to do/suggest she has having a negative impact by sharing. (apparently her feelings were hurt for whatever reason--though i hadn't said anything personal. i still feel bad about it though as it was not the intention.) i feel i was just speaking my mind and looking out for everyone's best interests. but i like and respect my coworkers for the most part, so i'm worried they have a point about how i went about what i did even if my intention was right. so, aita for telling my coworker she should not brings cakes in every day? or was i just the only one who would speak up for everyone's best interests?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a coworker who's a hobby baker and often brings their finished products into the office to share with everyone. this would be perfectly fine once in a while, but it's nearly every day, and was getting a bit excessive. i don't want to be tempted by sweets every day and it is unhealthy and upsetting to see my coworkers being led into unhealthy lifestyles by the sheer convenience of the sweets. they surely wouldn't be eating as many cakes etc. if they weren't brought in each day. i was certain (and honestly still am) that others feel the same way but did not have the willpower to speak up about it. so last week i mentioned to my coworker that it was nice they wanted to share with us but perhaps they should just choose their best creation once a week and bring that in rather than bombarding us with sugar and fat every day, since it will take a toll on peoples' health in the long term. she assumed i was speaking on behalf of my coworkers (in a way i was, which is where i might've f'd up) and stopped bringing in sweets. but later a few asked her why she'd stopped baking and now my coworkers are upset with me that i asked her to stop bringing things in. they said if i didn't want to have her snacks that was my prerogative but that it was uncalled for for me to speak on behalf of everybody or to tell our baking coworker what to do/suggest she has having a negative impact by sharing. (apparently her feelings were hurt for whatever reason--though i hadn't said anything personal. i still feel bad about it though as it was not the intention.) i feel i was just speaking my mind and looking out for everyone's best interests. but i like and respect my coworkers for the most part, so i'm worried they have a point about how i went about what i did even if my intention was right. so, aita for telling my coworker she should not brings cakes in every day? or was i just the only one who would speak up for everyone's best interests? [/INST] yta 1, unless others had specifically expressed a shared concern, you were making a huge assumption. that was presumptuous. everyone here is an adult and can make their own choices. otherwise you're being controlling. 2, she was doing something nice and in telling her what you did, you made it sound like she was doing something wrong. you both rejected her kindness as well as implied that she was harming everyone. that is hurtful. 3, you singlehandedly took away some of the joy from the office because you personally struggle with self control. of course you aren't popular now. </s>
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AITA for taking the car keys with no warning?
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i (23f) recently bought a brand new car. it's my first car ever. i bought it and am paying for it by myself.
i visit my childhood home every few weeks, and about a month or so ago, i gave the extra key to my mother to borrow it. i meant to get it back from her, but initially, it slipped my mind, and when i tried getting it back, later on, she would give me a hard time.
this weekend i went home for a funeral, and my aunt (my mother’s sister) was staying with us. this morning my mom leave bright and early to run errands, and i stay home with my aunt and the other relatives staying over. my aunt asked me to bring her somewhere, i agree.
i go outside to the parking lot and find my car gone, but i see my mom’s car sitting there. her car is usable. (the only issue was the air in her tires which literally took 5 minutes for me to resolve later in the day and the tires were still fine at the current air pressure.) i immediately put two and two together and call my mom, annoyed. i tell her she should not have just taken my car and that she needs to give me a heads up before taking it. i end the call and take my mother's car to bring my aunt to her destination.
my aunt, who hears my conversation with my mom, tells me i have no right to call her and that my mom is entitled to use my car as my mother. i tell her i don't mind my mom using the car. she just needs to tell me. my aunt continues to say i have no right to be angry and i was wrong for calling my mom and that i should've stayed silent.
i drop my aunt off and come home. my car and mom are back, but we have guests over, so i couldn't say anything about the vehicle. i see her keys lying out next to her bag, so i silently remove the car key and leave to put air in my mom’s car tires. once i’m done, i call her and tell her the car is back in the lot and switch to my car and go grocery shopping. while i’m out, my aunt finishes up and calls to get picked up. my mom decides to pick her up since i was busy.
my mom immediately calls me about the keys asking if i remove them. i say yes and remind her that her car is in the lot. we hang up, i get home and unpack everything, and my aunt and mom arrive, both looking visibly angry. my aunt immediately tells me she needs to have a serious conversation with me. she pulls me off to the side and essentially tells me off. she goes on a 5 minutes rant about how i am despicable and selfish for taking the keys. and tries to guilt-trip me by bringing up the sacrifices my mom has made for me. she then walks away after she's done without me getting a word in besides confirming i took my keys. after she walked away, i packed my stuff and left for home without saying anything.
am i the asshole for taking my keys and leaving without a word?
| 1,221 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pdr0mj/aita_for_taking_the_car_keys_with_no_warning/
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2021-08-29 07:39:31
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nta. it’s your car and you had clearly explained to your mother the conditions in which she could use your car. but your aunt and your mother are entitled brats
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nta- its your car which your paying for. it's not like your mum is paying for it or there was an agreement to share it. plus your mums car is fine and right outside so she wasn't stranded.
i think your aunt has no place getting involved and your mum sounds a little entitled to be just taking your car without asking
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nta your mom and aunt sound pretty toxic to me and i wouldn't bother spending time with them. a mother should praise you for being able to take care of yourself and get yourself your own car. your mom is not entitled to use your car, have your keys and most of all to use it without giving you a heads up it's just and a*hole move.
i have the feeling your mom and aunt see you as a servant who owes them something. they are treating you like a child. i don't know if this is their standard behavior but if yes, i see this as major red flags. it's very toxic.
just remember, you owe nothing to your family. you didn't ask to be born. and you tried to be nice and share your car with your mother but she just wouldn't respect you as an adult and as the rightful owner of the car. if she can't respect you, don't you worry about offending her.
i am proud of you for leaving that situation without saying anything. i would have probably exploded and burned bridges.
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nta at all. it is your car that you paid for. she has zero right to take it whenever she feels like it regardless of the fact that she is your mother.
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nta. your mother and aunt sound entitled. they have no rights to anything that belongs to you. she should have ask you first.
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nta
it's your car, you are paying for it and you are an adult. your mom and aunt can't tell you who is and isn't allowed to use your car. it was definitely in your right to take those keys back and to be annoyed with your mother for taking your car without permission.
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nta. it’s your car. i don’t know where your from. but just in case your from someplace like me. if your mom is using your car constantly and not on the insurance, that could cause you problems if she got in an accident in your car. the insurance company could end up being able to refuse to pay.
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whenever a parent talk to their kids about the "sacrifices" they've made, it is important to remember that those "sacrifices" are what is otherwise called "parenting".
you don't owe your parents your life, and you certainly don't owe them the ability to manipulate you by holding the fact that they did what they're legally obligated to do for you.
nta. your mother and aunt are trying to bully and manipulate you into staying under their control.
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nta. it's your car and keys and your mother has her own. your aunt sounds entitled and trying to cause trouble for you
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nta
madam it is amazing how calm and kind you are. you made everything as much as possible correct and there is no way to do it better.
please keep your keys specially the spare keys on a safe place and dont lend your car again to your mother or aunt.
please do not discuss this decision with your mother or your aunt.
as long you spend your own monney for your car, there is no body alse to take a decision when and where the car can be used.
i wish you a good time and keep your line.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (23f) recently bought a brand new car. it's my first car ever. i bought it and am paying for it by myself. i visit my childhood home every few weeks, and about a month or so ago, i gave the extra key to my mother to borrow it. i meant to get it back from her, but initially, it slipped my mind, and when i tried getting it back, later on, she would give me a hard time. this weekend i went home for a funeral, and my aunt (my mother’s sister) was staying with us. this morning my mom leave bright and early to run errands, and i stay home with my aunt and the other relatives staying over. my aunt asked me to bring her somewhere, i agree. i go outside to the parking lot and find my car gone, but i see my mom’s car sitting there. her car is usable. (the only issue was the air in her tires which literally took 5 minutes for me to resolve later in the day and the tires were still fine at the current air pressure.) i immediately put two and two together and call my mom, annoyed. i tell her she should not have just taken my car and that she needs to give me a heads up before taking it. i end the call and take my mother's car to bring my aunt to her destination. my aunt, who hears my conversation with my mom, tells me i have no right to call her and that my mom is entitled to use my car as my mother. i tell her i don't mind my mom using the car. she just needs to tell me. my aunt continues to say i have no right to be angry and i was wrong for calling my mom and that i should've stayed silent. i drop my aunt off and come home. my car and mom are back, but we have guests over, so i couldn't say anything about the vehicle. i see her keys lying out next to her bag, so i silently remove the car key and leave to put air in my mom’s car tires. once i’m done, i call her and tell her the car is back in the lot and switch to my car and go grocery shopping. while i’m out, my aunt finishes up and calls to get picked up. my mom decides to pick her up since i was busy. my mom immediately calls me about the keys asking if i remove them. i say yes and remind her that her car is in the lot. we hang up, i get home and unpack everything, and my aunt and mom arrive, both looking visibly angry. my aunt immediately tells me she needs to have a serious conversation with me. she pulls me off to the side and essentially tells me off. she goes on a 5 minutes rant about how i am despicable and selfish for taking the keys. and tries to guilt-trip me by bringing up the sacrifices my mom has made for me. she then walks away after she's done without me getting a word in besides confirming i took my keys. after she walked away, i packed my stuff and left for home without saying anything. am i the asshole for taking my keys and leaving without a word?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (23f) recently bought a brand new car. it's my first car ever. i bought it and am paying for it by myself. i visit my childhood home every few weeks, and about a month or so ago, i gave the extra key to my mother to borrow it. i meant to get it back from her, but initially, it slipped my mind, and when i tried getting it back, later on, she would give me a hard time. this weekend i went home for a funeral, and my aunt (my mother’s sister) was staying with us. this morning my mom leave bright and early to run errands, and i stay home with my aunt and the other relatives staying over. my aunt asked me to bring her somewhere, i agree. i go outside to the parking lot and find my car gone, but i see my mom’s car sitting there. her car is usable. (the only issue was the air in her tires which literally took 5 minutes for me to resolve later in the day and the tires were still fine at the current air pressure.) i immediately put two and two together and call my mom, annoyed. i tell her she should not have just taken my car and that she needs to give me a heads up before taking it. i end the call and take my mother's car to bring my aunt to her destination. my aunt, who hears my conversation with my mom, tells me i have no right to call her and that my mom is entitled to use my car as my mother. i tell her i don't mind my mom using the car. she just needs to tell me. my aunt continues to say i have no right to be angry and i was wrong for calling my mom and that i should've stayed silent. i drop my aunt off and come home. my car and mom are back, but we have guests over, so i couldn't say anything about the vehicle. i see her keys lying out next to her bag, so i silently remove the car key and leave to put air in my mom’s car tires. once i’m done, i call her and tell her the car is back in the lot and switch to my car and go grocery shopping. while i’m out, my aunt finishes up and calls to get picked up. my mom decides to pick her up since i was busy. my mom immediately calls me about the keys asking if i remove them. i say yes and remind her that her car is in the lot. we hang up, i get home and unpack everything, and my aunt and mom arrive, both looking visibly angry. my aunt immediately tells me she needs to have a serious conversation with me. she pulls me off to the side and essentially tells me off. she goes on a 5 minutes rant about how i am despicable and selfish for taking the keys. and tries to guilt-trip me by bringing up the sacrifices my mom has made for me. she then walks away after she's done without me getting a word in besides confirming i took my keys. after she walked away, i packed my stuff and left for home without saying anything. am i the asshole for taking my keys and leaving without a word? [/INST] nta. it’s your car and you had clearly explained to your mother the conditions in which she could use your car. but your aunt and your mother are entitled brats </s>
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AITA for taking an acquaintance to small claims court over her kid puking on my stuff?
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the title basically covers the entire situation, but for additional context i was recently shopping and had some electronics and clothing items in one huge shopping bag. i had to stop by work, so i did that, and while i was there a coworker offered to give me and another coworker a ride home since we were both on the way and she had her daughter with her. i'm friends with the coworker who offered, and loosely know the other lady.
well her daughter was either already sick, or got car sick, but either way, about midway through the trip she looked sick (she was sitting in the middle), leaned over my bag, and just horked.
i was sympathetic while it was happening, but after i asked her mom to exchange information with me so we could talk about payment. at first she seemed receptive, but when i told her how much i'd be expecting (in the thousands) she acted like i spit in her cheerios, and said she had no money for that, it was an accident, and that she really couldn't help me. i told her that it didn't matter, her kid damaged my property, and it's not like i could take all the stuff back now that it had been puked on. she didn't get angry, exactly, but got more and more agitated saying that she truly couldn't afford to pay thousands of dollars for my stuff, and that the best she could do was pay for the dry cleaning.
this didn't fly with me, because it was brand new stuff, literally, and i didn't think dry cleaning was going to get out the unholy combination of purple grape drink and whatever else the kid was eating. also these were items that would costs hundreds of dollars even to dry clean.
so i told her to either work with me on a payment plan for my stuff, or i'd be taking her to small claims court. suffice to say, things in the office are now weird.
so aita? i know it was an accident but my stuff still got ruined and i still want to replace everything. the coworker who was driving thinks i'm being a bit harsh, and probably so do my other coworkers, and maybe i am, but at the end of the day, it's not anyone's fault that the kid was sick, and them's the breaks.
| 224 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dgejiw/aita_for_taking_an_acquaintance_to_small_claims/
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2019-10-11 12:37:19
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yta if you havent even attempted to clean this stuff. your story sounds sketchy to me; you had thousands of dollars of merchandise in one bag, and none of it was in packaging, was protected from the puke, or is capable of being cleaned?
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yes yta. her offer to pay for dry cleaning was appropriate. also going through small claims isn't going to magically make her have thousands to pay you. you can't get blood from a stone.
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yta. your immediate demand strikes me as ridiculous. you demanded full value for the damaged items based on your opinion, as a layperson, that they cannot be repaired.
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i think yta for going nuclear immediately. you're clearly much better off and can afford this stuff and lawyers; i imagine this woman can't. what you're doing is using your financial advantage to bully her.
i think offering to pay for dry cleaning - on the proviso that anything not spotless could be compensated - is fair enough. i don't know of any (presumably) boxed electronics that couldn't be wiped clean fairly easily.
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was this expensive, new technology not in packaging or some sort of protection since you had just bought it??
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nta. her kid, her responsibility.
i just love the yta posters getting all riled, like you should just know to be prepared for projectile vomiting. why in the hell would anyone be on alert for vomit at all times?? that’s ridiculous.
either the kid was already sick, or she was allowed to eat a bunch of garbage, resulting in a vomit shower. either way, the resulting damages are the responsibility of the parent.
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ask any of the coworkers that are upset if you got sick in a car if they’d loan you their bag of thousands of dollars of brand new items to yak in. without being expected to compensate them of course.
most people would lose it if someone threw up on the clothes they were wearing. let alone a bag of brand new stuff. nta nta nta.
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yta
you should attempt to clean the clothes and then ask to be paid back for clothes that actually got ruined. i understand that her kid puked on them, but you can get most stains out of most clothes so stop being so dramatic.
i was going to go with everyone sucks here as she was open to repaying at the start, but then you spit in her cheerios. i imagine you could’ve worked something out with her had you not freaked out about it.
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info: if it's all brand new, shouldn't it be in a box and shrink wrapped? that makes it gross but doesn't actually damage anything.
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nta. her daughter damaged property. yes, accidentally, but it still happened. you shouldn’t just have to eat that cost.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.554272 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the title basically covers the entire situation, but for additional context i was recently shopping and had some electronics and clothing items in one huge shopping bag. i had to stop by work, so i did that, and while i was there a coworker offered to give me and another coworker a ride home since we were both on the way and she had her daughter with her. i'm friends with the coworker who offered, and loosely know the other lady. well her daughter was either already sick, or got car sick, but either way, about midway through the trip she looked sick (she was sitting in the middle), leaned over my bag, and just horked. i was sympathetic while it was happening, but after i asked her mom to exchange information with me so we could talk about payment. at first she seemed receptive, but when i told her how much i'd be expecting (in the thousands) she acted like i spit in her cheerios, and said she had no money for that, it was an accident, and that she really couldn't help me. i told her that it didn't matter, her kid damaged my property, and it's not like i could take all the stuff back now that it had been puked on. she didn't get angry, exactly, but got more and more agitated saying that she truly couldn't afford to pay thousands of dollars for my stuff, and that the best she could do was pay for the dry cleaning. this didn't fly with me, because it was brand new stuff, literally, and i didn't think dry cleaning was going to get out the unholy combination of purple grape drink and whatever else the kid was eating. also these were items that would costs hundreds of dollars even to dry clean. so i told her to either work with me on a payment plan for my stuff, or i'd be taking her to small claims court. suffice to say, things in the office are now weird. so aita? i know it was an accident but my stuff still got ruined and i still want to replace everything. the coworker who was driving thinks i'm being a bit harsh, and probably so do my other coworkers, and maybe i am, but at the end of the day, it's not anyone's fault that the kid was sick, and them's the breaks.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the title basically covers the entire situation, but for additional context i was recently shopping and had some electronics and clothing items in one huge shopping bag. i had to stop by work, so i did that, and while i was there a coworker offered to give me and another coworker a ride home since we were both on the way and she had her daughter with her. i'm friends with the coworker who offered, and loosely know the other lady. well her daughter was either already sick, or got car sick, but either way, about midway through the trip she looked sick (she was sitting in the middle), leaned over my bag, and just horked. i was sympathetic while it was happening, but after i asked her mom to exchange information with me so we could talk about payment. at first she seemed receptive, but when i told her how much i'd be expecting (in the thousands) she acted like i spit in her cheerios, and said she had no money for that, it was an accident, and that she really couldn't help me. i told her that it didn't matter, her kid damaged my property, and it's not like i could take all the stuff back now that it had been puked on. she didn't get angry, exactly, but got more and more agitated saying that she truly couldn't afford to pay thousands of dollars for my stuff, and that the best she could do was pay for the dry cleaning. this didn't fly with me, because it was brand new stuff, literally, and i didn't think dry cleaning was going to get out the unholy combination of purple grape drink and whatever else the kid was eating. also these were items that would costs hundreds of dollars even to dry clean. so i told her to either work with me on a payment plan for my stuff, or i'd be taking her to small claims court. suffice to say, things in the office are now weird. so aita? i know it was an accident but my stuff still got ruined and i still want to replace everything. the coworker who was driving thinks i'm being a bit harsh, and probably so do my other coworkers, and maybe i am, but at the end of the day, it's not anyone's fault that the kid was sick, and them's the breaks. [/INST] yta if you havent even attempted to clean this stuff. your story sounds sketchy to me; you had thousands of dollars of merchandise in one bag, and none of it was in packaging, was protected from the puke, or is capable of being cleaned? </s>
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AITA for giving my Stepdaughter a family heirloom?
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i (35f) have been married to my husband (37m) for ten years and dated him for two years before that. he is a widower and came into the relationship with a four year old daughter. i have been helping raise her for 12 years and consider her like my own daughter, she even calls me mum.
she recently turned 16 and i wanted to do something special for my gift to her so i gave her my necklace, it is a ruby and diamond necklace that belonged to my grandmother and has been passed down through eight generations of the family. i'm the only girl among me and my siblings so it went to me.
she loved it and there were some tears over the gift as she knew how important it was to my family and me. she will not be wearing it casually for anyone worried about that it is for more dressy events and for when she is older.
my brothers found out that i gave it to her and are angry with me, my older brother (41m) especially feels i had no right to do this and if it was to go to anyone it should have gone to one of his three daughters as they are blood related to me and it's their family heirloom.
i have pointed out how i've been raising her for so many years and she is my daughter in every way that matters but he feels that this was one line that shouldn't have been crossed. i'm pissed off i won't lie so i've not been talking to him since he brought up those views. i've also told him to never repeat those kind of things around my daughter.
my husband not wanting to upset my family and avoid further fights has suggested we start a new heirloom to pass down by buying her a beautiful necklace to replace the one i gave her but i don't want to take it back, she has every right to it i believe.
edit due to suggestion: i cannot have biological children so brother likely assumed it should go to my nieces instead. lets be honest? fuck blood. who is to say in 8 generations no cheating went on.
| 1,483 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tubszy/aita_for_giving_my_stepdaughter_a_family_heirloom/
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2022-04-02 05:53:32
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nta. would they be just as angry if she was your adopted daughter? family is family. she’s your daughter in every way that counts. to take it away from her at this point would be cruel and traumatic. it’s yours to do with what you wish, not theirs.
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nta. fork them. you and your daughter are in the right. i hope you and her have a wonderful relationship going forward. you both sound like lovely people.
your brothers are *greedy*.
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nta
she’s your daughter, why does blood matter to them so much? it’s heartwarming to see a step parent actually care for and love their step child as their own. i’m sure she sees you as a mother the same as she does/would her biological mother.
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nta. it's a family heirloom, not a bloodline heirloom. i feel like people are so hung up on they're your family because they blood related. i wouldn't consider my blood family to be my actual family anyways. my family is toxic and has no respect for me and treats me like trash. in my mind that's not family. family are the people who care about you, the people who are there for you, and the people you can count on.
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she's your daughter. she's your family. shared dna does not make a person "family": love does.
anyone who's giving you grief about such a beautiful gift is the frothing ah here. not you.
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nta if your brothers had the expectation that it is only for blood than it should’ve been discussed. not your fault they can’t find their voice until a decision was already made.
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nta - your brothers are massive ahs. it’s a *family* heirloom. she *is family.* it’s a really simple concept, i don’t know how they can’t understand that.
blood is not the most important part of family, and your brothers are doing wonders by illustrating that right now. as you said, she is your daughter in every way that truly matters.
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you are an icon, and a great mom for this. nta. your brothers have made it clear that they do not view your daughter to be real family, which raises some strong questions as to how to treat them going forward, imo. besides, you were given the heirloom to give to your daughter. end of story.
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nta
she *is* your daughter. you have loved her, raised her, been there for her, and you both seem to feel there is a parent child bond. your brother is in the wrong. and your husband, while he does have good intentions, is also in the wrong. it was given to you and it was yours to pass along as you saw fit. you passed it to your daughter. her not being born from your body does not change that she is your daughter if that is how you see her. that is not something anyone but you and her get to determine.
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nta
the necklace is supposed to be passed from mother to daughter. you passed the necklace to your daughter. i see no issue here.
your brother sounds greedy and, quite frankly, horrible.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (35f) have been married to my husband (37m) for ten years and dated him for two years before that. he is a widower and came into the relationship with a four year old daughter. i have been helping raise her for 12 years and consider her like my own daughter, she even calls me mum. she recently turned 16 and i wanted to do something special for my gift to her so i gave her my necklace, it is a ruby and diamond necklace that belonged to my grandmother and has been passed down through eight generations of the family. i'm the only girl among me and my siblings so it went to me. she loved it and there were some tears over the gift as she knew how important it was to my family and me. she will not be wearing it casually for anyone worried about that it is for more dressy events and for when she is older. my brothers found out that i gave it to her and are angry with me, my older brother (41m) especially feels i had no right to do this and if it was to go to anyone it should have gone to one of his three daughters as they are blood related to me and it's their family heirloom. i have pointed out how i've been raising her for so many years and she is my daughter in every way that matters but he feels that this was one line that shouldn't have been crossed. i'm pissed off i won't lie so i've not been talking to him since he brought up those views. i've also told him to never repeat those kind of things around my daughter. my husband not wanting to upset my family and avoid further fights has suggested we start a new heirloom to pass down by buying her a beautiful necklace to replace the one i gave her but i don't want to take it back, she has every right to it i believe. edit due to suggestion: i cannot have biological children so brother likely assumed it should go to my nieces instead. lets be honest? fuck blood. who is to say in 8 generations no cheating went on.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (35f) have been married to my husband (37m) for ten years and dated him for two years before that. he is a widower and came into the relationship with a four year old daughter. i have been helping raise her for 12 years and consider her like my own daughter, she even calls me mum. she recently turned 16 and i wanted to do something special for my gift to her so i gave her my necklace, it is a ruby and diamond necklace that belonged to my grandmother and has been passed down through eight generations of the family. i'm the only girl among me and my siblings so it went to me. she loved it and there were some tears over the gift as she knew how important it was to my family and me. she will not be wearing it casually for anyone worried about that it is for more dressy events and for when she is older. my brothers found out that i gave it to her and are angry with me, my older brother (41m) especially feels i had no right to do this and if it was to go to anyone it should have gone to one of his three daughters as they are blood related to me and it's their family heirloom. i have pointed out how i've been raising her for so many years and she is my daughter in every way that matters but he feels that this was one line that shouldn't have been crossed. i'm pissed off i won't lie so i've not been talking to him since he brought up those views. i've also told him to never repeat those kind of things around my daughter. my husband not wanting to upset my family and avoid further fights has suggested we start a new heirloom to pass down by buying her a beautiful necklace to replace the one i gave her but i don't want to take it back, she has every right to it i believe. edit due to suggestion: i cannot have biological children so brother likely assumed it should go to my nieces instead. lets be honest? fuck blood. who is to say in 8 generations no cheating went on. [/INST] nta. would they be just as angry if she was your adopted daughter? family is family. she’s your daughter in every way that counts. to take it away from her at this point would be cruel and traumatic. it’s yours to do with what you wish, not theirs. </s>
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AITA for banning my husband from my library while he’s working?
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my husband has his office and i have my library. when we were first wfh i suggested we sit in the same room for some of the work day but he didn’t want to.
i stopped working this month as i’m pregnant and it’s been rough. i still spend most of my time in my library reading since i don’t have the energy to do much else right now. my husband has decided to work from the library instead of his office now, which would be fine but he’s on calls practically all day long and i can’t focus on my book while he’s talking.
i asked him if he could sit in his office while he had calls multiple times but he promised to be quieter but he hasn’t been. yesterday i finally got fed up and told him he was banned from my library while he’s working.
i made him leave and go back to his office. he thought i wasn’t serious and tried to come in again today but i had locked the door. now he’s upset with me because i wouldn’t let him in.
aita?
| 3,092 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sd6ls6/aita_for_banning_my_husband_from_my_library_while/
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2022-01-26 13:59:53
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nta he has an office! also i’m jealous you have a library!
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"my husband has decided to work from the library instead of his office now"
uh, why? is this because you're not working? nta, you are entitled to your own space and quiet, and it's inconsiderate of him to just take over your space when he has a perfectly good space of his own.
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nta.
if he does it again, just go to his office and read.
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nta, start reading out loud… loudly
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nta
maybe he just wants to see you more and spend time with you, but i would be annoyed listening to someone sit on a phone and talk all day long.
there’s an office in your house. his office. he can work there. offer to eat lunch with him, take a small walk on his break, sit in the library on his break and chat.
i think he just wants to see you more, but he’s not doing it in the right way.
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op, with the lead pipe, in the library.
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info: have you talked to him about why his calls bother you? has he explained why he doesn’t want to work in his office?
it might be that he’s trying to spend time with you, but doesn’t realize how disruptive he’s being
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nta.
why the fuck can’t he work in his office?!
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nta
you deserve peace and quiet even more so now that you're pregnant, and it seems like a rough one at that.
it sounds like your husband is lonely and enjoys your company. maybe you guys can eat lunch together, or maybe you can set a hard rule that he can work in the library as long as he's not on any calls. he has to take calls in the office.
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nta. talk about first world problems. lol.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband has his office and i have my library. when we were first wfh i suggested we sit in the same room for some of the work day but he didn’t want to. i stopped working this month as i’m pregnant and it’s been rough. i still spend most of my time in my library reading since i don’t have the energy to do much else right now. my husband has decided to work from the library instead of his office now, which would be fine but he’s on calls practically all day long and i can’t focus on my book while he’s talking. i asked him if he could sit in his office while he had calls multiple times but he promised to be quieter but he hasn’t been. yesterday i finally got fed up and told him he was banned from my library while he’s working. i made him leave and go back to his office. he thought i wasn’t serious and tried to come in again today but i had locked the door. now he’s upset with me because i wouldn’t let him in. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband has his office and i have my library. when we were first wfh i suggested we sit in the same room for some of the work day but he didn’t want to. i stopped working this month as i’m pregnant and it’s been rough. i still spend most of my time in my library reading since i don’t have the energy to do much else right now. my husband has decided to work from the library instead of his office now, which would be fine but he’s on calls practically all day long and i can’t focus on my book while he’s talking. i asked him if he could sit in his office while he had calls multiple times but he promised to be quieter but he hasn’t been. yesterday i finally got fed up and told him he was banned from my library while he’s working. i made him leave and go back to his office. he thought i wasn’t serious and tried to come in again today but i had locked the door. now he’s upset with me because i wouldn’t let him in. aita? [/INST] nta he has an office! also i’m jealous you have a library! </s>
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AITA for making my wife stay at a hotel despite what day it is?
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aita for making my wife stay at a hotel despite what day it is?
so im married to my wife tanya. my kids step mother and they get along good. my kids liked her very much.
so i’ll start this off by my rules for my daughter.i think clothes, hair, makeup etc are ways someone expresses themselves. therefor i let her wear what she wants, do what she wants to her hair. piercings on the ear are fine etc.
so 1. you can do what you want with your hair as long as you know not everything can be fixed.
2 she can go out in whatever she wants as long as it fits. (meaning she didn’t get something that’s 2 sized to small to show body, and i think that’s a good way to start body dysmorphia)
a few more rules but these are the necessary ones to know.
as of right now my daughter cut most of her hair off to where it’s shaven in the back but longer on the rest of her head.
tanyas aunt died 15 years ago when she was 20, last week was the date of aunts passing.
now moving foward to last week i came home from work to my my daughter sobbing in her room.
i tried asking what’s wrong and she gave me a ton of bags and i looked through them. they were filled with alot of clothes, clothes that were way to small for her, not her style at all, they were all colorful and dresses and short short skirts, skinny jeans, crop tops that only cover your chest, tops that had *strings* connecting the sides which would clearly show some cleavage which my daughter hates. the skirts were very short, enough that you could probably see undergarments. my wife brought her what i guess are “push up bras” ones that had diamond going across the sleeves and undergarments that look the same. it was borderline atrocious, and in my opinion sexualizing a child
i talked to my daughter after she calmed down and she said that tanya bought these and told her that this would be her “new style” because she’s in highschool now so she needs to dress more “appropriately” and people won’t realize she is a girl.
my daughter looks fine.
this was the same day tanya’s aunt died. when i addressed tanya she said that she wanted to help my daughter and my daughter needed to start looking better anyway and she said that she wanted to give her a “glow up” and her aunt dressed like that and she was beautiful so she did that.
i told her she’s taking her grief out on my daughter and she won’t do that, i said that at the end of it, she’s my daughter and what i say goes unless *she* has something to say about it. tanya argued that she was looking like a tomboy and that’s when i said she had to leave and i’ll pay for a hotel.
i’m getting lots of shit from her family. but honestly, even if it seems dramatic i’m rethinking everything.
(my fault for the last one, i put this through google translate one more time so i hope this is better)
| 2,743 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wnzn3v/aita_for_making_my_wife_stay_at_a_hotel_despite/
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2022-08-14 06:39:48
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nta. tanya was way out of line. if it was like one gift that didn’t happen to fit your daughter’s style no big deal, but she bombarded your daughter with a ton of things she doesn’t like and told her this is her new style? and made your daughter cry and feel insecure? and then wanted to argue with you about it?
no. just no.
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add on what i couldn’t fit.
this is also my house i’ve had it for over ten years she moves in a little while ago. to also add onto what messages i’m getting.
“your not letting your wife stay in the presents of her own home when she’s clearly going through a hard time, how can u be so heartless”
“your overreacting and being hypocritical to your beliefs because she was just helping her explore new options”
“your treating her poorly and she shouldn’t be staying at a hotel because you don’t share the same beliefs”
i never even knew she had these “beliefs” i never would condone them if i ever did
my daughter is a beautiful girl despite her style she is still a feminine young women and she’s fine just the way she is. my kids are independent and i love that about them but i will always be there wether they need me or not, i am capable of having a spouse and kid but i’ll always choose my kids before anyone, but i think what’s maybe worse about me right now is that i don’t feel bad, all assholes say that but it’s true, i don’t. i wouldn’t let some kid at school treat her like this and tanya is exception? i just don’t see how that adds up.
edit to add. my daughter is upset with tanya at the moment, she said that she didn’t want to engage with her in any sort of communication because she’s uncomfortable with her, she said that if she had to be in the house she got it but she would keep to herself with her , but the fact that she would feel uncomfortable in her own home rubs me the wrong way.
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nta. at all. your rules make a lot of sense in that they respect her autonomy while also trying to set her up with healthy self-esteem. i think you are doing right by her daughter.
if offering the clothes was an honest mistake/well-meaning error and she immediately backed off and apologized i might have felt differently. however had you not enforced this boundary with your wife, you daughter ultimately would have suffered for it. i hope a little time apart (and space for her to grieve without lashing at your daughter) will help make your next conversation with her more productive.
keep up the good work, your daughter is lucky to have you in her corner.
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nta.
tanya should have consulted with you first before even attempting to buy those clothes for your daughter.
the fact tanya had to try and guilt trip you (in regards to her aunt) is a huge red flag for me too, and if she thinks dressing provocatively is a way for your daughter to become more “popular”, i think it may be an idea to rethink having this “role model” in her life.
you’ve done the right thing with sticking by your daughter. it seems you two have a very honest and open relationship, which seems to be strong- don’t let anyone ruin that! it’s a precious relationship to have!
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spanish is my first language so this might have been bad grammar in english, i think it’s better now, sorry for the misunderstandings. i’ll probably just quit it if this formatting isn’t any better than the last.
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nta. their stepmother sounds like they're going through a crazy streak imposing that on your daughter, and i suspect that you're right, she's projecting.
difficult to have to take a side between your kid and your wife, but i don't have any issue with the side you took.
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nta. op it looks like your wife is buying inappropriate clothes to your daughter that makes your daughter feels completely uncomfortable. your daughter has the right to choose what she wants to wear without your wife's intrusive and controlling demands, no matter what your wife's excuses are.
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nta. tanya is definitely using her aunts passing as an excuse to try to get your daughter to fit “typical” norma for girls her age. if your daughter is happy with how she dresses and how she looks then whats the problem? why should tanya think she is allowed to change how your daughter dresses despite your daughter being happy with how she dresses? your daughter sounds confident in being herself and thats what matters. what doesn’t matter is tanyas weird “she’s in high school and she needs to dress differently” (not actual quote just a paraphrase of what happened) as from what you said it definitely does feel like sexualizing a child.
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nta. you reacted a little dramatic about the clothes, if your daughter doesn’t like them she shouldn’t have to wear them. maybe they can be returned, but what she said about your daughter can’t be taken back. “people won’t realize she’s a girl” is extremely harsh. i was a tomboy before high school and even in the beginning of high school but i still had a normal experience (friends, boyfriends, etc.). if your daughter was crying, your wife probably said even more than just the one horrible statement to her. that age is very confusing for young girls, and your daughter needs to feel secure. you did a good job by showing your daughter that she is your #1. i will say though, if you want to keep your wife in your life, you will need to calmly discuss why what she did and said was wrong.
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nta and as a former tomboy myself good for you for standing up for your daughter and not forcing her to be something she isn't. your wife was way out of line.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: aita for making my wife stay at a hotel despite what day it is? so im married to my wife tanya. my kids step mother and they get along good. my kids liked her very much. so i’ll start this off by my rules for my daughter.i think clothes, hair, makeup etc are ways someone expresses themselves. therefor i let her wear what she wants, do what she wants to her hair. piercings on the ear are fine etc. so 1. you can do what you want with your hair as long as you know not everything can be fixed. 2 she can go out in whatever she wants as long as it fits. (meaning she didn’t get something that’s 2 sized to small to show body, and i think that’s a good way to start body dysmorphia) a few more rules but these are the necessary ones to know. as of right now my daughter cut most of her hair off to where it’s shaven in the back but longer on the rest of her head. tanyas aunt died 15 years ago when she was 20, last week was the date of aunts passing. now moving foward to last week i came home from work to my my daughter sobbing in her room. i tried asking what’s wrong and she gave me a ton of bags and i looked through them. they were filled with alot of clothes, clothes that were way to small for her, not her style at all, they were all colorful and dresses and short short skirts, skinny jeans, crop tops that only cover your chest, tops that had *strings* connecting the sides which would clearly show some cleavage which my daughter hates. the skirts were very short, enough that you could probably see undergarments. my wife brought her what i guess are “push up bras” ones that had diamond going across the sleeves and undergarments that look the same. it was borderline atrocious, and in my opinion sexualizing a child i talked to my daughter after she calmed down and she said that tanya bought these and told her that this would be her “new style” because she’s in highschool now so she needs to dress more “appropriately” and people won’t realize she is a girl. my daughter looks fine. this was the same day tanya’s aunt died. when i addressed tanya she said that she wanted to help my daughter and my daughter needed to start looking better anyway and she said that she wanted to give her a “glow up” and her aunt dressed like that and she was beautiful so she did that. i told her she’s taking her grief out on my daughter and she won’t do that, i said that at the end of it, she’s my daughter and what i say goes unless *she* has something to say about it. tanya argued that she was looking like a tomboy and that’s when i said she had to leave and i’ll pay for a hotel. i’m getting lots of shit from her family. but honestly, even if it seems dramatic i’m rethinking everything. (my fault for the last one, i put this through google translate one more time so i hope this is better)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
aita for making my wife stay at a hotel despite what day it is? so im married to my wife tanya. my kids step mother and they get along good. my kids liked her very much. so i’ll start this off by my rules for my daughter.i think clothes, hair, makeup etc are ways someone expresses themselves. therefor i let her wear what she wants, do what she wants to her hair. piercings on the ear are fine etc. so 1. you can do what you want with your hair as long as you know not everything can be fixed. 2 she can go out in whatever she wants as long as it fits. (meaning she didn’t get something that’s 2 sized to small to show body, and i think that’s a good way to start body dysmorphia) a few more rules but these are the necessary ones to know. as of right now my daughter cut most of her hair off to where it’s shaven in the back but longer on the rest of her head. tanyas aunt died 15 years ago when she was 20, last week was the date of aunts passing. now moving foward to last week i came home from work to my my daughter sobbing in her room. i tried asking what’s wrong and she gave me a ton of bags and i looked through them. they were filled with alot of clothes, clothes that were way to small for her, not her style at all, they were all colorful and dresses and short short skirts, skinny jeans, crop tops that only cover your chest, tops that had *strings* connecting the sides which would clearly show some cleavage which my daughter hates. the skirts were very short, enough that you could probably see undergarments. my wife brought her what i guess are “push up bras” ones that had diamond going across the sleeves and undergarments that look the same. it was borderline atrocious, and in my opinion sexualizing a child i talked to my daughter after she calmed down and she said that tanya bought these and told her that this would be her “new style” because she’s in highschool now so she needs to dress more “appropriately” and people won’t realize she is a girl. my daughter looks fine. this was the same day tanya’s aunt died. when i addressed tanya she said that she wanted to help my daughter and my daughter needed to start looking better anyway and she said that she wanted to give her a “glow up” and her aunt dressed like that and she was beautiful so she did that. i told her she’s taking her grief out on my daughter and she won’t do that, i said that at the end of it, she’s my daughter and what i say goes unless *she* has something to say about it. tanya argued that she was looking like a tomboy and that’s when i said she had to leave and i’ll pay for a hotel. i’m getting lots of shit from her family. but honestly, even if it seems dramatic i’m rethinking everything. (my fault for the last one, i put this through google translate one more time so i hope this is better) [/INST] nta. tanya was way out of line. if it was like one gift that didn’t happen to fit your daughter’s style no big deal, but she bombarded your daughter with a ton of things she doesn’t like and told her this is her new style? and made your daughter cry and feel insecure? and then wanted to argue with you about it? no. just no. </s>
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AITA for telling my husband I won’t be cleaning anymore?
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i (21f) have been married and living with my (20m) bf for about 6 months, we dated for about a year prior. i’ve notice in the short time i’ve been living with him that he doesn’t clean after himself very well. or clean well in general.
i usually have no problem cleaning our clothes, cooking our dinner and doing the dishes after. but it seems like i’m the only one doing it. in july i lost my grandmother and that took an emotional toll on me. i started to slack in cleaning the house, taking care of myself, etc.
i asked him to help me out a bit because just the sheer thought of cleaning the entire house now starts to overwhelm me and i end up not doing anything. he typically tells me he will help and doesn’t do a damn thing. i ask him to help do dishes while i wash and fold laundry and they’ll either sit for days or i’ll cave in and do them or i’ll be at work and ask him to do the bare minimum and nothing will be done when i get home and he’s playing a video game or sleeping.
i finally snapped and told him if i didn’t start getting some help i would not be cleaning anymore and he would be doing all of it. he snapped and complained about being super tired after work.(we work the same job. he gets to sleep in work cars and overall has an extremely easy job.)
aita?
| 225 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t53vna/aita_for_telling_my_husband_i_wont_be_cleaning/
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2022-03-02 16:27:13
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nta i’m sorry to tell you, but you don’t have a man, you have a child
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why are you tasked with all the household chores? do you two work the same number of hours? nta.
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......and this is why 20 year olds shouldn't get married and play house.
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nta but be prepared for weaponized incompetence. he is gonna do stuff badly until you fix it. had a male professor describing this with laundry— he went as far as ruin a load of clothes before his wife took over.
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nta - nip that shit in the bud now or you'll be dealing with his laziness for the rest of your time together.
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**nta.** he has shown you who he is. believe him. knowing that nothing will change, can you be reasonably happy knowing that you will be the only one to clean?
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nta. stop doing his laundry or cooking his food. he can manage.
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nta- good thing you guys aren't actually married as your title suggests, because he's got some growing up to do in terms of handling household responsibilities. if he's not going to pull his weight, not only should you move out, but you need to rethink this relationship altogether. do you want to be taken advantage of and treated as a maid long term?
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nta. your bf needs to be welcomed into becoming an adult. we are all tired after work and yet we still need to clean. it gets even worse when you have kids!
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (21f) have been married and living with my (20m) bf for about 6 months, we dated for about a year prior. i’ve notice in the short time i’ve been living with him that he doesn’t clean after himself very well. or clean well in general. i usually have no problem cleaning our clothes, cooking our dinner and doing the dishes after. but it seems like i’m the only one doing it. in july i lost my grandmother and that took an emotional toll on me. i started to slack in cleaning the house, taking care of myself, etc. i asked him to help me out a bit because just the sheer thought of cleaning the entire house now starts to overwhelm me and i end up not doing anything. he typically tells me he will help and doesn’t do a damn thing. i ask him to help do dishes while i wash and fold laundry and they’ll either sit for days or i’ll cave in and do them or i’ll be at work and ask him to do the bare minimum and nothing will be done when i get home and he’s playing a video game or sleeping. i finally snapped and told him if i didn’t start getting some help i would not be cleaning anymore and he would be doing all of it. he snapped and complained about being super tired after work.(we work the same job. he gets to sleep in work cars and overall has an extremely easy job.) aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (21f) have been married and living with my (20m) bf for about 6 months, we dated for about a year prior. i’ve notice in the short time i’ve been living with him that he doesn’t clean after himself very well. or clean well in general. i usually have no problem cleaning our clothes, cooking our dinner and doing the dishes after. but it seems like i’m the only one doing it. in july i lost my grandmother and that took an emotional toll on me. i started to slack in cleaning the house, taking care of myself, etc. i asked him to help me out a bit because just the sheer thought of cleaning the entire house now starts to overwhelm me and i end up not doing anything. he typically tells me he will help and doesn’t do a damn thing. i ask him to help do dishes while i wash and fold laundry and they’ll either sit for days or i’ll cave in and do them or i’ll be at work and ask him to do the bare minimum and nothing will be done when i get home and he’s playing a video game or sleeping. i finally snapped and told him if i didn’t start getting some help i would not be cleaning anymore and he would be doing all of it. he snapped and complained about being super tired after work.(we work the same job. he gets to sleep in work cars and overall has an extremely easy job.) aita? [/INST] nta i’m sorry to tell you, but you don’t have a man, you have a child </s>
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AITA for telling my mom to stop pulling my dress down?
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i know the title makes it sound kind of bizarre, so i’ll explain a little more.
i’m currently nine months pregnant and my mom and older sister threw me a small baby shower this weekend. it was mainly family and a few friends, about 15 people total. it was held outside so we were able to practice social distancing.
where i live, it is currently 85-90 degrees fahrenheit during the day. therefore, i chose to wear a short dress with shorts underneath. my dress was form fitting up top and then flared out at the bottom, and went to a few inches above me knees. i knew the dress would be a bit short, but it was hot and i had shorts underneath just in case.
as soon as i arrived and walked up to greet my mom, she immediately pulled down on my dress to cover more of my legs. i told her i knew it was a bit short, but i had shorts underneath and it was uncomfortable pulled down like that and pulled it back up where it was supposed to be. she then proceeded to do it again and i just pulled it back up. she did it one more time and i looked at her and just said, “stop.” at that point, i know i came across irritated and a bit abrasive. my mom walked off soon after that and acted distant and upset.
the thing is, i’m 33 years old and don’t need my mom to police my wardrobe. she’s fairly conservative, so i tried to be nice about it, but it infuriates me when she keeps doing something i’ve asked her to stop because, “i’m just being a mom.” i felt really insecure about the dress for the remainder of the shower and found myself worrying about it.
the reason i ask if i’m the asshole is because it seemed like i genuinely hurt her feelings. she was distant and didn’t engage with me much throughout the rest of the shower. so aita? should apologize for snapping at her?
| 2,766 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gyrq88/aita_for_telling_my_mom_to_stop_pulling_my_dress/
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2020-06-08 04:15:50
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nta. your mother was asked more than once to stop pulling on your dress and refused to do so. you had every right to say it in a tone that would demand her attention. you’re an adult and get to dress however you choose.
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nta. for starters, a few inches above the knee hardly constitutes a short dress. but frankly, it doesn’t matter if you were wearing a floor length ball gown or a mini skirt. your mom doesn’t get to go up to you, a grown adult, and pull down your dress.
btw, you have every right to sound abrasive and irritated when telling someone to stop touching you *for the third time.*
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nta. it's well within your rights to tell anyone, no matter their intentions or how much they love you, not to put their hands on you. your body, your clothes. you didn't even insult her, you just gave her a firm, "stop." moreover, it worked, and might have been the only way to get her to stop handling you that way. i'm sorry this experience put a damper on your baby shower. i'm close to your age, and if my mom were to adjust my clothes like i was a 6-year-old getting ready for school again, i'd react the same way.
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>the reason i ask if i’m the asshole is because it seemed like i genuinely hurt her feelings.
nta. you did not *hurt* her feelings. hurting someone's feelings is when you lash out at someone and say something uncalled-for that attacks a personal trait, for example. what you did here was repeatedly defend your own bodily autonomy, which highlighted the fact that your mother's conservatism and how she wields it to interfere in the affairs of others is **out of line** and a form of *concern trolling*.
she's pouting and licking her wounds because you have brought her inappropriate behavior to light, and it is easier to pout and act wronged than it is to admit a failing and apologize.
do not apologize or backtrack. you acted correctly to defend your autonomy. **set some boundaries now before that child is born!**
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nta. you are an adult. she can respect your choice, or ask you to leave her home. i also don't believe there was anything wrong with the outfit based on the information presented.
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nta. her behaviour would be appropriate if you were a three year old who hadn’t realised their dress had gotten caught up while playing and was showing her underwear. as an adult who was dressing according to the weather, she was being silly.
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nta. my mom did the same thing throughout my teenage years and well into my adulthood. the only reason she doesn't anymore is the good 1,500 miles between us. she'd go "cover up, your chest is showing!" in this dramatic hushed tone and yank my top up.
my shirts were not any reasonable person's definition of low cut. heaven forbid the slightest risk that any cleavage -might-show. the euphemism was just obnoxious, too. the memory alone is viscerally irritating.
if your relationship with your mom is otherwise good, maybe apologize for snapping at her to keep the peace, but what she did is incredibly irritating and you're nta.
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good point! i just figured it was already maternity clothing i didn't really think of that
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nta
don't mess with people's clothes, it's not hard.
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nta.
why is this such a hard concept for people to understand? if people don't want to be touched, don't touch them!
imagine if she had pulled your dress so low that your top half became exposed, what then.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know the title makes it sound kind of bizarre, so i’ll explain a little more. i’m currently nine months pregnant and my mom and older sister threw me a small baby shower this weekend. it was mainly family and a few friends, about 15 people total. it was held outside so we were able to practice social distancing. where i live, it is currently 85-90 degrees fahrenheit during the day. therefore, i chose to wear a short dress with shorts underneath. my dress was form fitting up top and then flared out at the bottom, and went to a few inches above me knees. i knew the dress would be a bit short, but it was hot and i had shorts underneath just in case. as soon as i arrived and walked up to greet my mom, she immediately pulled down on my dress to cover more of my legs. i told her i knew it was a bit short, but i had shorts underneath and it was uncomfortable pulled down like that and pulled it back up where it was supposed to be. she then proceeded to do it again and i just pulled it back up. she did it one more time and i looked at her and just said, “stop.” at that point, i know i came across irritated and a bit abrasive. my mom walked off soon after that and acted distant and upset. the thing is, i’m 33 years old and don’t need my mom to police my wardrobe. she’s fairly conservative, so i tried to be nice about it, but it infuriates me when she keeps doing something i’ve asked her to stop because, “i’m just being a mom.” i felt really insecure about the dress for the remainder of the shower and found myself worrying about it. the reason i ask if i’m the asshole is because it seemed like i genuinely hurt her feelings. she was distant and didn’t engage with me much throughout the rest of the shower. so aita? should apologize for snapping at her?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know the title makes it sound kind of bizarre, so i’ll explain a little more. i’m currently nine months pregnant and my mom and older sister threw me a small baby shower this weekend. it was mainly family and a few friends, about 15 people total. it was held outside so we were able to practice social distancing. where i live, it is currently 85-90 degrees fahrenheit during the day. therefore, i chose to wear a short dress with shorts underneath. my dress was form fitting up top and then flared out at the bottom, and went to a few inches above me knees. i knew the dress would be a bit short, but it was hot and i had shorts underneath just in case. as soon as i arrived and walked up to greet my mom, she immediately pulled down on my dress to cover more of my legs. i told her i knew it was a bit short, but i had shorts underneath and it was uncomfortable pulled down like that and pulled it back up where it was supposed to be. she then proceeded to do it again and i just pulled it back up. she did it one more time and i looked at her and just said, “stop.” at that point, i know i came across irritated and a bit abrasive. my mom walked off soon after that and acted distant and upset. the thing is, i’m 33 years old and don’t need my mom to police my wardrobe. she’s fairly conservative, so i tried to be nice about it, but it infuriates me when she keeps doing something i’ve asked her to stop because, “i’m just being a mom.” i felt really insecure about the dress for the remainder of the shower and found myself worrying about it. the reason i ask if i’m the asshole is because it seemed like i genuinely hurt her feelings. she was distant and didn’t engage with me much throughout the rest of the shower. so aita? should apologize for snapping at her? [/INST] nta. your mother was asked more than once to stop pulling on your dress and refused to do so. you had every right to say it in a tone that would demand her attention. you’re an adult and get to dress however you choose. </s>
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AITA for not responding to my homophobic sister-in-law’s texts
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i do not like my brother’s wife, she’s extremely homophobic and uses her religion to bash the lgbtq+ community on social media daily. (i’m a part of that community.) she posts things like the lgbtq+ community is where rapists and ps (i can’t post the p word because it’s against the rules, but the people who hurt children) come from. she’s very racist and is also a huge trump supporter. we have nothing in common except that we both care about my brother.
before covid i was a disney princess for an event planning company near me and frequently did children’s birthday parties. she ask me to do her kid’s birthday party and i went as a favor, i love her kids and i feel bad for them because she’s home-schooling them but not teaching them anything. so they don’t have a social life and her 7 year old still doesn’t know the whole alphabet.
she completely stood me up. i sat at her house in the car for an hour and she eventually responded and said she’d gotten caught up going to stores and ‘maybe next time.’ as it turns out my brother wasn’t aware i was even doing this or that it happened until i told him, he apologized and said she’s “funny on purpose sometimes.”
her and i got into an argument about this and she was determined she didn’t do anything wrong but texted me later that she forgave me with god’s grace for making a big deal out of it and being butt-hurt and implored me to show grace in my life as well.
i don’t want to be friends with this person and i don’t want her to be a part of my life. but she is for whatever reason determined to be my friend in an aggressive way. she won’t stop texting me, and if i don’t respond she’ll wait a bit then resend every text she’s sent me with the date and time she sent it. always saying “why aren’t you responding to my texts? you’re not showing god’s love... >:(“
when she’s texted me things like “what time are we all supposed to be at your moms tonight?” ive responded. but not the causal things. when planning things i text my brother instead, then she gets mad i went to him instead of her.
aita for not responding to her attempts at being my friend when i clearly don’t want to be her friend?
info: this woman is older than i am (in her mid 30s) and i don’t want to just tell her off because i don’t want to upset my brother or damage my relationship with him.
| 537 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ielftc/aita_for_not_responding_to_my_homophobic/
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2020-08-22 16:26:18
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nta. i would buy her kids books about dinosaurs.
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nta. she uses her religion as a shield for her own toxic behaviour. she forgave you when she was the one who needed forgiveness, not you. quite frankly i'd just block her. she's either so self centred she can't understand why you don't like her and she is seeking to control your relationship, or she's deliberately being overbearing.
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nta. you could go all passive aggressive and say something like “you’re right, i would only expect my friends to respect my time and to apologize for wasting it”.
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nta
but you need to stop engaging. if you want to stop engaging, stop engaging. block her number.
don’t prepare for the life without her, make a life without her. where you just acknowledge “i am so miserable interacting with her. i’m just not going to.”
block the number. stop engaging. don’t answer questions about it, just repeat the line i said before, or whatever the truth is for you.
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nta. this woman is clearly awful, and your brother is ta for tolerating her homophobic behavior.
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nta. she constantly bashes a community you're a part of and stood you up when you did her a favor, that's reason enough to not want to be her friend!!! not to mention the racism.
she's a grown woman and she should realise that the excessive texting is annoying and that you don't want to talk to her. she's even telling you that you're "not showing god's love" even though she's the one who is being rude towards others.
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nta
this girl is the embodiment of that scene from the movie *saved* where mandy moore throws a bible at the other girl's head while yelling "i'm filled with the love of christ", perfectly exemplifying why she is *most definitely not* filled with any kind of love.
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birds of a flock fly together. he's ok with her bigotry, her pushiness/bullying, his kids not having basic education, her manipulating/gaslighting you; her saying she's right in whatever she does to you (because he excuses it); etc.
if he wasn't, he wouldn't be married to her.
you think of your brother one way (non-confrontational, going along to get along, doing it for the kids, etc.). but in action and acceptance of what's going on in his household, he's another way entirely.
so either take it or move on. do whatever is right and healthy for your own best interests. if he doesn't approve or accept/tolerate that, then that's on him.
you're not living your life for him nor his wife. you're living your life for yourself.
it's kind of like that saying about letting people go and if they love you, they'll come back to you, and if they don't want to, then you need to move on with your life.
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info: a 7 year old doesn’t know the alphabet and your brother isn’t worried about how she’s teaching them?
are any of your family concerned about the very serious developmental/educational delay she is causing? why does her homophobia seem to be the biggest issue you have with her?
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nta, but i'm seriously concerned about your family. you said your sil is home-schooling them but a 7 year old doesn't know the abc's? that's seriously concerning, and i'd bring up your concerns within the family. if you don't think that would work, anonymously call cps. that's at the very least some form of neglect.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i do not like my brother’s wife, she’s extremely homophobic and uses her religion to bash the lgbtq+ community on social media daily. (i’m a part of that community.) she posts things like the lgbtq+ community is where rapists and ps (i can’t post the p word because it’s against the rules, but the people who hurt children) come from. she’s very racist and is also a huge trump supporter. we have nothing in common except that we both care about my brother. before covid i was a disney princess for an event planning company near me and frequently did children’s birthday parties. she ask me to do her kid’s birthday party and i went as a favor, i love her kids and i feel bad for them because she’s home-schooling them but not teaching them anything. so they don’t have a social life and her 7 year old still doesn’t know the whole alphabet. she completely stood me up. i sat at her house in the car for an hour and she eventually responded and said she’d gotten caught up going to stores and ‘maybe next time.’ as it turns out my brother wasn’t aware i was even doing this or that it happened until i told him, he apologized and said she’s “funny on purpose sometimes.” her and i got into an argument about this and she was determined she didn’t do anything wrong but texted me later that she forgave me with god’s grace for making a big deal out of it and being butt-hurt and implored me to show grace in my life as well. i don’t want to be friends with this person and i don’t want her to be a part of my life. but she is for whatever reason determined to be my friend in an aggressive way. she won’t stop texting me, and if i don’t respond she’ll wait a bit then resend every text she’s sent me with the date and time she sent it. always saying “why aren’t you responding to my texts? you’re not showing god’s love... >:(“ when she’s texted me things like “what time are we all supposed to be at your moms tonight?” ive responded. but not the causal things. when planning things i text my brother instead, then she gets mad i went to him instead of her. aita for not responding to her attempts at being my friend when i clearly don’t want to be her friend? info: this woman is older than i am (in her mid 30s) and i don’t want to just tell her off because i don’t want to upset my brother or damage my relationship with him.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i do not like my brother’s wife, she’s extremely homophobic and uses her religion to bash the lgbtq+ community on social media daily. (i’m a part of that community.) she posts things like the lgbtq+ community is where rapists and ps (i can’t post the p word because it’s against the rules, but the people who hurt children) come from. she’s very racist and is also a huge trump supporter. we have nothing in common except that we both care about my brother. before covid i was a disney princess for an event planning company near me and frequently did children’s birthday parties. she ask me to do her kid’s birthday party and i went as a favor, i love her kids and i feel bad for them because she’s home-schooling them but not teaching them anything. so they don’t have a social life and her 7 year old still doesn’t know the whole alphabet. she completely stood me up. i sat at her house in the car for an hour and she eventually responded and said she’d gotten caught up going to stores and ‘maybe next time.’ as it turns out my brother wasn’t aware i was even doing this or that it happened until i told him, he apologized and said she’s “funny on purpose sometimes.” her and i got into an argument about this and she was determined she didn’t do anything wrong but texted me later that she forgave me with god’s grace for making a big deal out of it and being butt-hurt and implored me to show grace in my life as well. i don’t want to be friends with this person and i don’t want her to be a part of my life. but she is for whatever reason determined to be my friend in an aggressive way. she won’t stop texting me, and if i don’t respond she’ll wait a bit then resend every text she’s sent me with the date and time she sent it. always saying “why aren’t you responding to my texts? you’re not showing god’s love... >:(“ when she’s texted me things like “what time are we all supposed to be at your moms tonight?” ive responded. but not the causal things. when planning things i text my brother instead, then she gets mad i went to him instead of her. aita for not responding to her attempts at being my friend when i clearly don’t want to be her friend? info: this woman is older than i am (in her mid 30s) and i don’t want to just tell her off because i don’t want to upset my brother or damage my relationship with him. [/INST] nta. i would buy her kids books about dinosaurs. </s>
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WIBTA for keeping my sister's dog?
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my younger sister(28) and her boyfriend moved to australia in aug 2019. she got a job offer and relocated with no plan on coming back to the states. our parents were supposed to take their 1yo dog (e), but our dad got sick and couldn't so my boyfriend and i stepped in. the dog has fit in perfectly to our lifestyle and we've treated her as our own as we expected to have her permanently, which my sister was comfortable with.
sister recently got laid off in australia (boyfriend never found a job) and they flew home yesterday. she expects us to turn over the dog since they happened to come home.
boyfriend and i don't have any interest in giving her up. our father agrees that she's in better hands with us as my sister and her bf are both without an income or permanent place to live, but that opinion hasn't been shared with her.
my opinion is that if they had turned the dog over to someone other than family they would have no right in just taking her back. would i be the asshole if we kept the dog or hired a mediator to decide for us?
| 171 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fqsrer/wibta_for_keeping_my_sisters_dog/
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2020-03-28 21:16:40
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nta
i commend you for thinking of ways to resolve this, including hiring a mediator.
while this might not be a consideration, what are the laws in your state? i ask because a veterinarian in my state (florida) once explained to me that if you feed an animal for ten days, you're the owner. (i assume he means animals that can be considered pets; i don't care how long some damned fool feeds an alligator. he's not the owner.)
someone else made a valid point, too. if she had turned over the dog to non-relatives, she wouldn't be expecting the dog back. so, why should you be treated any differently?
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info, did your sister ever help with dog related experiences? buying food paying for vet visits, etc?
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nta- how long were they gone? just curious
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nta. i would tell her that she has no way of taking care of the pup, financially, and has no permanent home right now. the dog has settled and being ripped from the home it knows would bring more harm than good. however, it could harm your relationship with your sister. same thing happened to me. we got my dog from my sister-in-law before they moved out of country for 2 years. we went in knowing they wanted her back. when they did come back, they took her for about a week, but she was depressed and so sad that they ultimately gave her back to us. maybe that will happen?
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esh.
why your sister sucks: getting a dog and then relocating without it and setting up no concrete plans for the dog, not paying for anything for its care while gone, and then returning and demanding the dog back while she has no home and no income.
why you suck: they had the dog for 18 months. you had the dog for what? 4 months? you never reached out to clarify things with your sister regarding ownership and expectations for the dog.
i hope you both think about how you can handle this better rather than fighting over the dog. do what's best for the dog, not what's most pleasing to you guys.
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info: is this really the first time you all have discussed ownership of this dog? was there no discussion of this being a temporary foster vs permanent rehome of the dog?
i don’t think you need to hire a mediator if you are able to have a really frank discussion with your sister about your love for and ability to care for the dog.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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INFO
| null | null | null | null | 0.206438 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my younger sister(28) and her boyfriend moved to australia in aug 2019. she got a job offer and relocated with no plan on coming back to the states. our parents were supposed to take their 1yo dog (e), but our dad got sick and couldn't so my boyfriend and i stepped in. the dog has fit in perfectly to our lifestyle and we've treated her as our own as we expected to have her permanently, which my sister was comfortable with. sister recently got laid off in australia (boyfriend never found a job) and they flew home yesterday. she expects us to turn over the dog since they happened to come home. boyfriend and i don't have any interest in giving her up. our father agrees that she's in better hands with us as my sister and her bf are both without an income or permanent place to live, but that opinion hasn't been shared with her. my opinion is that if they had turned the dog over to someone other than family they would have no right in just taking her back. would i be the asshole if we kept the dog or hired a mediator to decide for us?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my younger sister(28) and her boyfriend moved to australia in aug 2019. she got a job offer and relocated with no plan on coming back to the states. our parents were supposed to take their 1yo dog (e), but our dad got sick and couldn't so my boyfriend and i stepped in. the dog has fit in perfectly to our lifestyle and we've treated her as our own as we expected to have her permanently, which my sister was comfortable with. sister recently got laid off in australia (boyfriend never found a job) and they flew home yesterday. she expects us to turn over the dog since they happened to come home. boyfriend and i don't have any interest in giving her up. our father agrees that she's in better hands with us as my sister and her bf are both without an income or permanent place to live, but that opinion hasn't been shared with her. my opinion is that if they had turned the dog over to someone other than family they would have no right in just taking her back. would i be the asshole if we kept the dog or hired a mediator to decide for us? [/INST] nta i commend you for thinking of ways to resolve this, including hiring a mediator. while this might not be a consideration, what are the laws in your state? i ask because a veterinarian in my state (florida) once explained to me that if you feed an animal for ten days, you're the owner. (i assume he means animals that can be considered pets; i don't care how long some damned fool feeds an alligator. he's not the owner.) someone else made a valid point, too. if she had turned over the dog to non-relatives, she wouldn't be expecting the dog back. so, why should you be treated any differently? </s>
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AITA for being defensive when my aunt used me as an example for the effects of divorce on children?
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this happened on father's day but it still irks me to all hell.
so we went to visit my grandfather's grave-- me, my mom, grandma, and aunt. beside his grave is the grave of a close family friend, so we asked the daughter of his family to come with us. she brought her eldest daughter.
so we were all paying our respects and greeting each other (especially with our family friend's daughter, since we haven't seen her in a while). let's call her e.
e and my aunt started to have their own conversation because e mentioned that she's going to divorce her husband-- he's abusive and he instigates fights in front of e's two daughters, and naturally they're affected by it.
now, in our family, only my parents got divorced. they did the same thing-- fight in front of me. they finalized the divorce when i was 6. it still bothers me and it used to be a real sore spot growing up, but i've grown to accept it when i became an adult. i'm almost 20, for reference.
so, of course, my aunt knows this. she started to make comments to e and in front of e's daughter, knowing i was in the vicinity, that were backhanded jabs towards the effects of divorce on *me.* she was saying things like, "look how vulfreim turned out!" "see what happened to vulfreim!" "children who see fighting and go through divorce tend to have behavioral problems as they grow up!" "vulfreim always acts hateful towards family because of it." stuff like that.
i know my aunt has issues with my 'attitude problem,' but i simply just do not like my mother's side of the family because they're judgy, nitpicky, pretentious people that i would avoid if they weren't related. it really rubbed me the wrong way that, in front of e and her daughter, my aunt was making comments about this and trying to tie it into the upcoming divorce.
eventually i honestly had enough of it. i was at a distance with my mom, at least a yard away from the others. but i approached my aunt and pulled her aside, and asked her to knock it the fuck off and to not use me as an example, as it's disrespectful to assume the effects of divorce. she didn't go through it and she never bothered to connect with me in such a way, so she has zero right to make all these comments. she scoffed and didn't say anything, though she did drop the subject.
hours later my aunt called my mom to say what happened, and my mom got upset with me for "making a scene at a cemetery, especially since someone was upset," even though i explained that i was just defending myself and didn't appreciate what my aunt was saying.
aita for allegedly making a scene?
| 791 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c8g3m7/aita_for_being_defensive_when_my_aunt_used_me_as/
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2019-07-02 22:35:11
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nta. sometimes, for the benefit of our world, people like your aunt simply need to shut the fuck up.
thanks for the silver and platinum kind strangers! i will use this gold to buy heavy duty duck tape for ops aunt :)
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nta
you didn't make a scene you pulled her aside and asked her to stop. she's being super dramatic and unfair.
plus what's better than divorce - making a kid watch an unhappy marriage filled with fighting their whole life? your aunt is just stirring the pot. she needs to stop.
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holy fuck, nta.
1. your aunt shouldn’t be using you as an example of the potential negative effects of a divorce on children. you know what’s even worse for kids than divorce? living with parents who hate each other and are always fighting.
2. your aunt shouldn’t be publicizing your personal medical history, especially mental health history. that is incredibly personal, private information that is yours alone to divulge to whom you choose.
3. now, for the most important point...
**your aunt was trying to convince someone to stay in a relationship with her abuser.**
as angry as i am for you and how many of your rights she violated, what. the. fuck. divorce is the best thing that woman can do for her children. she needs to get herself and her children away from her abusive husband, because i guarantee you, staying and leaving the children in that environment will mess them up so much more than divorce ever could.
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nta. what your aunt did was rude, and she was also judging the other mom and trying to pressure her rather than caring about the individual circumstances the friend was in. your aunt is judgmental.
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>hours later my aunt called my mom to say what happened, and my mom got upset with me for "making a scene at a
such a scene that she didn't even know about it until someone told her hours later?
lol. nta.
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nta. they're lucky you had the self-control to pull your aunt aside before you told her how you felt.
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nta. your aunt was the instigator in this instance, and you rightly defended yourself. the environment doesn't really matter, because her conversation was the disrespectful bit - she's the one who created the scene, not you. you're the one who stopped it by correctly pointing out she was out of line.
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obviously nta.
the fact that you pulled her aside and told her privately was quite gracious and kind.
how the hell did you "cause a scene" if you mom didn't even notice this supposed scene happening?
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nta. sounds like my mother's side of the family. hush hush all about appearances. sounds like she was too cowardly to say something to your face but wanted to make your mom do the dirty work.
you did the right thing. people will continue treating you the way you allow them to
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened on father's day but it still irks me to all hell. so we went to visit my grandfather's grave-- me, my mom, grandma, and aunt. beside his grave is the grave of a close family friend, so we asked the daughter of his family to come with us. she brought her eldest daughter. so we were all paying our respects and greeting each other (especially with our family friend's daughter, since we haven't seen her in a while). let's call her e. e and my aunt started to have their own conversation because e mentioned that she's going to divorce her husband-- he's abusive and he instigates fights in front of e's two daughters, and naturally they're affected by it. now, in our family, only my parents got divorced. they did the same thing-- fight in front of me. they finalized the divorce when i was 6. it still bothers me and it used to be a real sore spot growing up, but i've grown to accept it when i became an adult. i'm almost 20, for reference. so, of course, my aunt knows this. she started to make comments to e and in front of e's daughter, knowing i was in the vicinity, that were backhanded jabs towards the effects of divorce on *me.* she was saying things like, "look how vulfreim turned out!" "see what happened to vulfreim!" "children who see fighting and go through divorce tend to have behavioral problems as they grow up!" "vulfreim always acts hateful towards family because of it." stuff like that. i know my aunt has issues with my 'attitude problem,' but i simply just do not like my mother's side of the family because they're judgy, nitpicky, pretentious people that i would avoid if they weren't related. it really rubbed me the wrong way that, in front of e and her daughter, my aunt was making comments about this and trying to tie it into the upcoming divorce. eventually i honestly had enough of it. i was at a distance with my mom, at least a yard away from the others. but i approached my aunt and pulled her aside, and asked her to knock it the fuck off and to not use me as an example, as it's disrespectful to assume the effects of divorce. she didn't go through it and she never bothered to connect with me in such a way, so she has zero right to make all these comments. she scoffed and didn't say anything, though she did drop the subject. hours later my aunt called my mom to say what happened, and my mom got upset with me for "making a scene at a cemetery, especially since someone was upset," even though i explained that i was just defending myself and didn't appreciate what my aunt was saying. aita for allegedly making a scene?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened on father's day but it still irks me to all hell. so we went to visit my grandfather's grave-- me, my mom, grandma, and aunt. beside his grave is the grave of a close family friend, so we asked the daughter of his family to come with us. she brought her eldest daughter. so we were all paying our respects and greeting each other (especially with our family friend's daughter, since we haven't seen her in a while). let's call her e. e and my aunt started to have their own conversation because e mentioned that she's going to divorce her husband-- he's abusive and he instigates fights in front of e's two daughters, and naturally they're affected by it. now, in our family, only my parents got divorced. they did the same thing-- fight in front of me. they finalized the divorce when i was 6. it still bothers me and it used to be a real sore spot growing up, but i've grown to accept it when i became an adult. i'm almost 20, for reference. so, of course, my aunt knows this. she started to make comments to e and in front of e's daughter, knowing i was in the vicinity, that were backhanded jabs towards the effects of divorce on *me.* she was saying things like, "look how vulfreim turned out!" "see what happened to vulfreim!" "children who see fighting and go through divorce tend to have behavioral problems as they grow up!" "vulfreim always acts hateful towards family because of it." stuff like that. i know my aunt has issues with my 'attitude problem,' but i simply just do not like my mother's side of the family because they're judgy, nitpicky, pretentious people that i would avoid if they weren't related. it really rubbed me the wrong way that, in front of e and her daughter, my aunt was making comments about this and trying to tie it into the upcoming divorce. eventually i honestly had enough of it. i was at a distance with my mom, at least a yard away from the others. but i approached my aunt and pulled her aside, and asked her to knock it the fuck off and to not use me as an example, as it's disrespectful to assume the effects of divorce. she didn't go through it and she never bothered to connect with me in such a way, so she has zero right to make all these comments. she scoffed and didn't say anything, though she did drop the subject. hours later my aunt called my mom to say what happened, and my mom got upset with me for "making a scene at a cemetery, especially since someone was upset," even though i explained that i was just defending myself and didn't appreciate what my aunt was saying. aita for allegedly making a scene? [/INST] nta. sometimes, for the benefit of our world, people like your aunt simply need to shut the fuck up. thanks for the silver and platinum kind strangers! i will use this gold to buy heavy duty duck tape for ops aunt :) </s>
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AITA if I don’t allow my mom to see my son before she moves away?
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firstly, i want to apologize for formatting since i am on mobile and i only felt comfortable posting this on my anonymous account due to the information i am about to give.
i guess i will start it off by giving some back story. i had a rocky childhood... mostly in part to my mother. she and my father divorced when i was eight and the day she left my father for the last time she already had a boyfriend. this started a revolving door a boyfriends. my mother has horrible taste in men and is one of those women that adapts to like whatever they like. with the first boyfriend, steve, that was drinking and smoking crack. steve lasted a few months and then she was on the the next guy. we were never stable... i had 3 siblings and we moved 9 times in 3 years. she even had an affair with her married cousin at one point. which was made clear since they would have sex very loudly in her room every morning and i would have to turn the cartoons up for my siblings not to hear. eventually the partying caught up with her and we got evicted from our apartment... she packed all of mine and my siblings things into trash bags and pleaded with my father to take us which he did. my father became tired of her shenanigans and knew it was in our best interest to try to get full custody of us. when my mother found out she kidnapped us and we hid from the police for a few days before they found us. after my father got us back, my mom quickly found a boyfriend and moved in with him. my dad always let us see my mom for visitation but one night we went over there and my mom said she was moving to florida and she left the next day...
cue 3 years of almost no contact from my mother. she maybe called a handful of times... and one of those was so we could hear her marry the loser she went down there with.
eventually she moved back near us kids and married step dad number 2...
now she is getting divorced from step dad number 2 and the day they separated she was already fooling around with a meth head she has known since before i was born... well he got to be too rowdy so now she is with his best friend and they have decided to move back to florida.
i usually tell people i don’t love my mom... i don’t even like her. but my siblings all still have strong relationships with her and even went to live with her after she came back... i was the only one to stay with my dad. i have kept the relationship i have with her going for them.
i have a child... i have worked so hard to build my life up from my “trailer park” history. most people when they realize my background are shocked because i don’t seem like “that type of girl”. my husband and i provide a very stable and comfortable life for my kiddo but that means i have had to drop people from my life that would have endangered that. whether that be old friends or family, it doesn’t matter.
so reddit, wibta if i refused to let my mother see my son before she takes off again, for god only knows how long, to florida?
| 152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/clve3z/aita_if_i_dont_allow_my_mom_to_see_my_son_before/
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2019-08-04 11:37:56
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nta - only you can decide, as the mother of your child, which adults are good influences for him. you have the right to turn away anyone that you feel might not be a safe or smart decision. i'm sorry your mom hasn't been a positive influence in your life - but if she can't be a positive one for you, it's unlikely she will be for him. best of luck.
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nta
your mother made the decision(s) to destroy whatever relationship you two would have had multiple times over your life. the instability, no contact, drugs, and shitty male “role models” she paraded through your life means you owe her nothing.
she doesn’t sound like the type of person i would want in my children’s lives... so i wouldn’t blame you for not wanting her in your child’s life.
keep doing you. provide the best and most stable life you can for your family. it’s what every parent should want, a better life for your kid that what you had.
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nta at all. she's not the kind of influence you want in your son's life, and there is no requirement for you to let her see him. her wants are not part of the equation.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: firstly, i want to apologize for formatting since i am on mobile and i only felt comfortable posting this on my anonymous account due to the information i am about to give. i guess i will start it off by giving some back story. i had a rocky childhood... mostly in part to my mother. she and my father divorced when i was eight and the day she left my father for the last time she already had a boyfriend. this started a revolving door a boyfriends. my mother has horrible taste in men and is one of those women that adapts to like whatever they like. with the first boyfriend, steve, that was drinking and smoking crack. steve lasted a few months and then she was on the the next guy. we were never stable... i had 3 siblings and we moved 9 times in 3 years. she even had an affair with her married cousin at one point. which was made clear since they would have sex very loudly in her room every morning and i would have to turn the cartoons up for my siblings not to hear. eventually the partying caught up with her and we got evicted from our apartment... she packed all of mine and my siblings things into trash bags and pleaded with my father to take us which he did. my father became tired of her shenanigans and knew it was in our best interest to try to get full custody of us. when my mother found out she kidnapped us and we hid from the police for a few days before they found us. after my father got us back, my mom quickly found a boyfriend and moved in with him. my dad always let us see my mom for visitation but one night we went over there and my mom said she was moving to florida and she left the next day... cue 3 years of almost no contact from my mother. she maybe called a handful of times... and one of those was so we could hear her marry the loser she went down there with. eventually she moved back near us kids and married step dad number 2... now she is getting divorced from step dad number 2 and the day they separated she was already fooling around with a meth head she has known since before i was born... well he got to be too rowdy so now she is with his best friend and they have decided to move back to florida. i usually tell people i don’t love my mom... i don’t even like her. but my siblings all still have strong relationships with her and even went to live with her after she came back... i was the only one to stay with my dad. i have kept the relationship i have with her going for them. i have a child... i have worked so hard to build my life up from my “trailer park” history. most people when they realize my background are shocked because i don’t seem like “that type of girl”. my husband and i provide a very stable and comfortable life for my kiddo but that means i have had to drop people from my life that would have endangered that. whether that be old friends or family, it doesn’t matter. so reddit, wibta if i refused to let my mother see my son before she takes off again, for god only knows how long, to florida?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
firstly, i want to apologize for formatting since i am on mobile and i only felt comfortable posting this on my anonymous account due to the information i am about to give. i guess i will start it off by giving some back story. i had a rocky childhood... mostly in part to my mother. she and my father divorced when i was eight and the day she left my father for the last time she already had a boyfriend. this started a revolving door a boyfriends. my mother has horrible taste in men and is one of those women that adapts to like whatever they like. with the first boyfriend, steve, that was drinking and smoking crack. steve lasted a few months and then she was on the the next guy. we were never stable... i had 3 siblings and we moved 9 times in 3 years. she even had an affair with her married cousin at one point. which was made clear since they would have sex very loudly in her room every morning and i would have to turn the cartoons up for my siblings not to hear. eventually the partying caught up with her and we got evicted from our apartment... she packed all of mine and my siblings things into trash bags and pleaded with my father to take us which he did. my father became tired of her shenanigans and knew it was in our best interest to try to get full custody of us. when my mother found out she kidnapped us and we hid from the police for a few days before they found us. after my father got us back, my mom quickly found a boyfriend and moved in with him. my dad always let us see my mom for visitation but one night we went over there and my mom said she was moving to florida and she left the next day... cue 3 years of almost no contact from my mother. she maybe called a handful of times... and one of those was so we could hear her marry the loser she went down there with. eventually she moved back near us kids and married step dad number 2... now she is getting divorced from step dad number 2 and the day they separated she was already fooling around with a meth head she has known since before i was born... well he got to be too rowdy so now she is with his best friend and they have decided to move back to florida. i usually tell people i don’t love my mom... i don’t even like her. but my siblings all still have strong relationships with her and even went to live with her after she came back... i was the only one to stay with my dad. i have kept the relationship i have with her going for them. i have a child... i have worked so hard to build my life up from my “trailer park” history. most people when they realize my background are shocked because i don’t seem like “that type of girl”. my husband and i provide a very stable and comfortable life for my kiddo but that means i have had to drop people from my life that would have endangered that. whether that be old friends or family, it doesn’t matter. so reddit, wibta if i refused to let my mother see my son before she takes off again, for god only knows how long, to florida? [/INST] nta - only you can decide, as the mother of your child, which adults are good influences for him. you have the right to turn away anyone that you feel might not be a safe or smart decision. i'm sorry your mom hasn't been a positive influence in your life - but if she can't be a positive one for you, it's unlikely she will be for him. best of luck. </s>
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AITA for telling my grandparents that what I do with my hair is my choice?
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so i (18f) tend to dye my hair a lot of fun colors. i work with kids who struggle and they always seem to enjoy when i come in with new fun colors. i also enjoy having fun colored hair, especially purples, blues and the occasional pink! having brightly colored hair just makes my day more fun when i get to come up with new ways to style my hair!
here’s where the problem starts and where i might be the asshole, my grandparents have never liked it when i have dyed my hair. even when the only colors i used were natural colors such as red, brown, and occasionally a lighter shade of honey blonde. this dislike often comes in the form of comments such as, “you’ll never get a husband looking like that,” or “we loved you so much more with your natural hair.” i usually try to redirect the conversation away from my hair when those comments are made but when those comments were made the last time i interacted with them i snapped and said, “getting a husband isn’t even on my list of priorities and my love life most definitely should not be one of yours. i love my hair and i take care of it and what i do with my hair is none of your business especially when you (grandma) dye your hair black every other week with a cheap box dye off of amazon.”
i was quickly met with the response of “i hope you took one last good look at us because we’re gonna die before christmas!” i can definitely see where my comment would be off colored and uncalled for but after 5 years of hearing those comments and many others directed towards my weight and some other things like my inability to get a husband (i was 15 when they said that to me) i tired of them continuously making comments and saying that they’d love me more if i were something else.
so aita for snapping at my grandparents…?
| 190 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rei4y0/aita_for_telling_my_grandparents_that_what_i_do/
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2021-12-12 05:37:06
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nta
your grandparents are being toxic and then playing the victim when you give them an answer. don't let them gaslight you.
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nta. just because they’re your grandparents doesn’t mean they can constantly disrespect and harass you about your hair
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nta. your grandparents are old and crotchety and they don’t get to comment or choose on how you present yourself. what you do with your hair is your choice, and as long as you’re happy with it, then can stfu. the box dye comment was long overdue and hopefully will shut granny up for a little bit.
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>i was quickly met with the response of “i hope you took one last good look at us because we’re gonna die before christmas!”
hahahahaha this is kind of hilarious though. you tell them your hair is none of their business and they drop dead out of spite to ruin christmas. 🤣
you can put up boundaries, though. "i want you to know that in not interested in discussing my appearance any further. if you bring it up this visit, i'm going to leave immediately." (then follow through!)
| null | null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (18f) tend to dye my hair a lot of fun colors. i work with kids who struggle and they always seem to enjoy when i come in with new fun colors. i also enjoy having fun colored hair, especially purples, blues and the occasional pink! having brightly colored hair just makes my day more fun when i get to come up with new ways to style my hair! here’s where the problem starts and where i might be the asshole, my grandparents have never liked it when i have dyed my hair. even when the only colors i used were natural colors such as red, brown, and occasionally a lighter shade of honey blonde. this dislike often comes in the form of comments such as, “you’ll never get a husband looking like that,” or “we loved you so much more with your natural hair.” i usually try to redirect the conversation away from my hair when those comments are made but when those comments were made the last time i interacted with them i snapped and said, “getting a husband isn’t even on my list of priorities and my love life most definitely should not be one of yours. i love my hair and i take care of it and what i do with my hair is none of your business especially when you (grandma) dye your hair black every other week with a cheap box dye off of amazon.” i was quickly met with the response of “i hope you took one last good look at us because we’re gonna die before christmas!” i can definitely see where my comment would be off colored and uncalled for but after 5 years of hearing those comments and many others directed towards my weight and some other things like my inability to get a husband (i was 15 when they said that to me) i tired of them continuously making comments and saying that they’d love me more if i were something else. so aita for snapping at my grandparents…?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (18f) tend to dye my hair a lot of fun colors. i work with kids who struggle and they always seem to enjoy when i come in with new fun colors. i also enjoy having fun colored hair, especially purples, blues and the occasional pink! having brightly colored hair just makes my day more fun when i get to come up with new ways to style my hair! here’s where the problem starts and where i might be the asshole, my grandparents have never liked it when i have dyed my hair. even when the only colors i used were natural colors such as red, brown, and occasionally a lighter shade of honey blonde. this dislike often comes in the form of comments such as, “you’ll never get a husband looking like that,” or “we loved you so much more with your natural hair.” i usually try to redirect the conversation away from my hair when those comments are made but when those comments were made the last time i interacted with them i snapped and said, “getting a husband isn’t even on my list of priorities and my love life most definitely should not be one of yours. i love my hair and i take care of it and what i do with my hair is none of your business especially when you (grandma) dye your hair black every other week with a cheap box dye off of amazon.” i was quickly met with the response of “i hope you took one last good look at us because we’re gonna die before christmas!” i can definitely see where my comment would be off colored and uncalled for but after 5 years of hearing those comments and many others directed towards my weight and some other things like my inability to get a husband (i was 15 when they said that to me) i tired of them continuously making comments and saying that they’d love me more if i were something else. so aita for snapping at my grandparents…? [/INST] nta your grandparents are being toxic and then playing the victim when you give them an answer. don't let them gaslight you. </s>
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AITA for telling my roommate she has 1 week to move out?
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i (28f) was renting a house from my mom and needed a roommate to help with the bills. my roommate (21f) had never lived on her own before and i had to deal with basically teaching her how to live with someone that’s not your family as well as the simple things like don’t flush your tampons (she cause many sewer backups because of this). my roommate has a very entitled sense about her.
when she moved in my mom interviewed her and told her that she will be selling the house to my sister and her husband in october 2022 so she needed to be out by the end of september. my roommate agreed saying that it was fine and signed the lease.
fast forward we are now at the end of september i just closed on a house for myself and my sister has closed on the house i currently live in. my mom has been telling the both of us since july that we needed to find other places to live. my roommate called my mom saying that she needs another month in the house as she hasn’t found anywhere to live. my mom explained to her that the house was no longer hers so she doesn’t have a say but my mom being the kind hearted and selfless woman she is she called my sister and asked if my roommate can stay a little longer. my sister agreed to a week. my mom tells my roommate and my roommate flips saying that she was being cruel and how dare she kick someone out on the street. my mom said that when she signed the lease she knew she had to be out at the end of september and then reminded her of the constant reminders she gave us that we had to be out.
my mom asked if she had even checked out any places my roommate said no and that she just figured that i would ask her to move in with me again since i bought a 2 bedroom home. she said she thought i bought the place with her in mind. i looked at her and told her no that i was finally financially stable enough to live on my own and that’s what i was going to do. she then told me i was being selfish and should be on her side because she was about to get kicked out. i told her that my mom was in the right and she was given more than enough warning and had told me she was looking (which she was not).
she started yelling at both of us calling us names and telling my mom that she’s going to sue her because of all the trauma this is causing her. all my mom kept asking me after was am i wrong, should i have just let her stay. both me and my sister said no since this is no longer her house and she had a lease written up for the place that my roommate signed. i would like to note that my mom had told her she didn’t have to pay september’s rent as she knew finding a place is tough and cost a lot of money. so are we the asshole for telling my roommate she has to leave?
| 2,558 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xsstis/aita_for_telling_my_roommate_she_has_1_week_to/
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2022-10-01 11:21:14
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nta, but check your local laws on evicting a tenant on how to proceed with the eviction. contrary to what people think you usually can’t just throw their stuff out on the curb.
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nta
your sister needs to file for eviction.
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nta
your roommate procrastinated and ignored everyone reminding her of the deadline to move. it's not your fault she assumed you would ask her to move in with you.
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nta. she signed a lease that was in effect until the end of september knowing the deal that the place would have a new owner moving in then. it was no surprise she'd have to find another place to move into come october.
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nta and the title is misleading -- you didn't tell her she had a week to move out, you guys gifted her an extra week after telling her at the time she signed the lease when she's be expected to leave, and sticking to that. the fact that she never asked if she was moving in with you is insane. just in general, she is not your problem. i'm sure her parents will take her in if she's this spoiled.
honestly, kick her out now because she was ungrateful to your generosity and i'd be afraid she'd damage your home after the way she's reacting.
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nta. your roommate had months of notice. i hope you all do not have to get her legally evicted.
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nta. y’all told her the date and i hope it was in the lease. your roommate needs to move back home and grow up and start again. nobody is going to hold her hand through life. she has a rude awakening coming. depending on location and lease you may need legal advice.
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nta. your roommate knew the end date and should not have assumed anything beyond that end date. if your mother has never evicted a squatter, she should get a lawyer now.
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nta but either your mom/sister needs to start the eviction process immrdiately
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nta i hope this agreement and the warnings about the end of the contract are in writing because if not she may cause a lot of trouble and it can take months to evict her
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (28f) was renting a house from my mom and needed a roommate to help with the bills. my roommate (21f) had never lived on her own before and i had to deal with basically teaching her how to live with someone that’s not your family as well as the simple things like don’t flush your tampons (she cause many sewer backups because of this). my roommate has a very entitled sense about her. when she moved in my mom interviewed her and told her that she will be selling the house to my sister and her husband in october 2022 so she needed to be out by the end of september. my roommate agreed saying that it was fine and signed the lease. fast forward we are now at the end of september i just closed on a house for myself and my sister has closed on the house i currently live in. my mom has been telling the both of us since july that we needed to find other places to live. my roommate called my mom saying that she needs another month in the house as she hasn’t found anywhere to live. my mom explained to her that the house was no longer hers so she doesn’t have a say but my mom being the kind hearted and selfless woman she is she called my sister and asked if my roommate can stay a little longer. my sister agreed to a week. my mom tells my roommate and my roommate flips saying that she was being cruel and how dare she kick someone out on the street. my mom said that when she signed the lease she knew she had to be out at the end of september and then reminded her of the constant reminders she gave us that we had to be out. my mom asked if she had even checked out any places my roommate said no and that she just figured that i would ask her to move in with me again since i bought a 2 bedroom home. she said she thought i bought the place with her in mind. i looked at her and told her no that i was finally financially stable enough to live on my own and that’s what i was going to do. she then told me i was being selfish and should be on her side because she was about to get kicked out. i told her that my mom was in the right and she was given more than enough warning and had told me she was looking (which she was not). she started yelling at both of us calling us names and telling my mom that she’s going to sue her because of all the trauma this is causing her. all my mom kept asking me after was am i wrong, should i have just let her stay. both me and my sister said no since this is no longer her house and she had a lease written up for the place that my roommate signed. i would like to note that my mom had told her she didn’t have to pay september’s rent as she knew finding a place is tough and cost a lot of money. so are we the asshole for telling my roommate she has to leave?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (28f) was renting a house from my mom and needed a roommate to help with the bills. my roommate (21f) had never lived on her own before and i had to deal with basically teaching her how to live with someone that’s not your family as well as the simple things like don’t flush your tampons (she cause many sewer backups because of this). my roommate has a very entitled sense about her. when she moved in my mom interviewed her and told her that she will be selling the house to my sister and her husband in october 2022 so she needed to be out by the end of september. my roommate agreed saying that it was fine and signed the lease. fast forward we are now at the end of september i just closed on a house for myself and my sister has closed on the house i currently live in. my mom has been telling the both of us since july that we needed to find other places to live. my roommate called my mom saying that she needs another month in the house as she hasn’t found anywhere to live. my mom explained to her that the house was no longer hers so she doesn’t have a say but my mom being the kind hearted and selfless woman she is she called my sister and asked if my roommate can stay a little longer. my sister agreed to a week. my mom tells my roommate and my roommate flips saying that she was being cruel and how dare she kick someone out on the street. my mom said that when she signed the lease she knew she had to be out at the end of september and then reminded her of the constant reminders she gave us that we had to be out. my mom asked if she had even checked out any places my roommate said no and that she just figured that i would ask her to move in with me again since i bought a 2 bedroom home. she said she thought i bought the place with her in mind. i looked at her and told her no that i was finally financially stable enough to live on my own and that’s what i was going to do. she then told me i was being selfish and should be on her side because she was about to get kicked out. i told her that my mom was in the right and she was given more than enough warning and had told me she was looking (which she was not). she started yelling at both of us calling us names and telling my mom that she’s going to sue her because of all the trauma this is causing her. all my mom kept asking me after was am i wrong, should i have just let her stay. both me and my sister said no since this is no longer her house and she had a lease written up for the place that my roommate signed. i would like to note that my mom had told her she didn’t have to pay september’s rent as she knew finding a place is tough and cost a lot of money. so are we the asshole for telling my roommate she has to leave? [/INST] nta, but check your local laws on evicting a tenant on how to proceed with the eviction. contrary to what people think you usually can’t just throw their stuff out on the curb. </s>
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AITA for not helping my girlfriend grab a can of soup, causing the shelf to break and all the cans fall on her?
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my girlfriend and i (27m 25f) have been together for about 6 months. she's amazing in so many ways. but we are the same height, 5'9".
i couldn't care less about the height thing. i don't think i'm short and i think she looks great. but she always tries to be shorter than me.
she will hunch over, walk around with bended knees while wearing either a big dress/skirt or coat to cover it up, and always looks to sit down somewhere rather than walking around.
the reason i believe she does this to be shorter... is well i have a few of them. for one, if i'm sitting down and she's standing, her posture is normal. when i get up, it's like her vertebrae just collapse into each other.
when i kiss her, she bends down her knees and gets on her tip toes, then stretches her neck to kiss me. that has to hurt.
earlier tonight, she was trying to grab a can of soup from my pantry. (she's been staying here with me lately). she was acting like she couldn't get it by spreading her legs, hunching over, and then stretching her arms out and hopping. it was on the second highest shelf but she could *easily* grab it.
after making these "cutesy" noises trying to grab it, i asked her what she was doing. she said "i can't reach the soup, could you get it for me?"
my hands were full as i was doing the dishes. i told her she could grab it herself. so she jumped some more and accidentally broke the shelf, and all the cans dropped on her.
i immediately rushed over to see if she was okay, but she pulled away and locked herself in the bathroom crying. she won't talk to me at all.
| 4,800 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fmxtpv/aita_for_not_helping_my_girlfriend_grab_a_can_of/
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2020-03-22 10:25:04
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nta, but you need to have a long talk with her about this,that's a really weird thing for her to be doing.
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your girlfriend is walking around on bended knees covered up by a coat. she's basically the reversed version of 3 dwarves in a trench coat.
nta, but what the hell
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nta. sounds like she's feeling a bit weird about you both being the same height. talk to her about it, and tell her to grow up. she either gets over it or the relationship doesn't go anywhere new.
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nta i think your girlfriend seriously needs a therapist.
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nta but she needs find a way to resolve this weird insecurity she has about being tall. :/
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she’s clearly insecure about her height dude. you need to have an honest conversation with her about what’s going on.
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bro.... please ask her straight up why she becomes quasimodo around you to act cute and tell us all what she says.
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nah
you think she is acting weird and you want her to get over this hitch that he has. but maybe you need to get some understanding on why she feels this way.
she seems to either be self-concious or she has the misunderstanding that you are feeling self-conscious. obviously she feels dumb for breaking the shelf and hurting herself, especially if she was doing it for dumb reasons.
you need to sit her down and have a conversation. both of you need to work together on this.
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nta. you're the same height, and she didn't *actually* need help. even if she really was shorter than you, your hands were full and she could just have gotten a chair to stand on or something.
your girlfriend might need some help. it sounds like she's insecure about being tall, and having body issues is one thing, but at age 25, constantly playing pretend like this to the point that you actually sabotage your own ability to do daily tasks isn't normal. maybe (hopefully?) she is just crying because she realised how silly what she did was and got embarrassed, and not because she's actually angry at you.
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nta, but i n f o— have you talked to her about this before? about what you’ve noticed.
and. i agree with the other commenters that therapy would be a good idea. she sounds like she’s dealing with a lot of insecurity that is now damaging to her
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my girlfriend and i (27m 25f) have been together for about 6 months. she's amazing in so many ways. but we are the same height, 5'9". i couldn't care less about the height thing. i don't think i'm short and i think she looks great. but she always tries to be shorter than me. she will hunch over, walk around with bended knees while wearing either a big dress/skirt or coat to cover it up, and always looks to sit down somewhere rather than walking around. the reason i believe she does this to be shorter... is well i have a few of them. for one, if i'm sitting down and she's standing, her posture is normal. when i get up, it's like her vertebrae just collapse into each other. when i kiss her, she bends down her knees and gets on her tip toes, then stretches her neck to kiss me. that has to hurt. earlier tonight, she was trying to grab a can of soup from my pantry. (she's been staying here with me lately). she was acting like she couldn't get it by spreading her legs, hunching over, and then stretching her arms out and hopping. it was on the second highest shelf but she could *easily* grab it. after making these "cutesy" noises trying to grab it, i asked her what she was doing. she said "i can't reach the soup, could you get it for me?" my hands were full as i was doing the dishes. i told her she could grab it herself. so she jumped some more and accidentally broke the shelf, and all the cans dropped on her. i immediately rushed over to see if she was okay, but she pulled away and locked herself in the bathroom crying. she won't talk to me at all.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend and i (27m 25f) have been together for about 6 months. she's amazing in so many ways. but we are the same height, 5'9". i couldn't care less about the height thing. i don't think i'm short and i think she looks great. but she always tries to be shorter than me. she will hunch over, walk around with bended knees while wearing either a big dress/skirt or coat to cover it up, and always looks to sit down somewhere rather than walking around. the reason i believe she does this to be shorter... is well i have a few of them. for one, if i'm sitting down and she's standing, her posture is normal. when i get up, it's like her vertebrae just collapse into each other. when i kiss her, she bends down her knees and gets on her tip toes, then stretches her neck to kiss me. that has to hurt. earlier tonight, she was trying to grab a can of soup from my pantry. (she's been staying here with me lately). she was acting like she couldn't get it by spreading her legs, hunching over, and then stretching her arms out and hopping. it was on the second highest shelf but she could *easily* grab it. after making these "cutesy" noises trying to grab it, i asked her what she was doing. she said "i can't reach the soup, could you get it for me?" my hands were full as i was doing the dishes. i told her she could grab it herself. so she jumped some more and accidentally broke the shelf, and all the cans dropped on her. i immediately rushed over to see if she was okay, but she pulled away and locked herself in the bathroom crying. she won't talk to me at all. [/INST] nta, but you need to have a long talk with her about this,that's a really weird thing for her to be doing. </s>
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AITA for "forcing" my brother to help out with caring for our mom who has dementia?
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i (f27) live with my husband (m29).
my mom (f58) has early onset dementia, and was diagnosed around a year ago. she's been living with me and my husband, as none of my other family members were willing to let her stay with them.
there was a certain pressure on me specifically to be the one to look after her because i happen to be a nurse and i should "know about this stuff", but it's a lot different when it's your own mom.
i know she's only going to get worse. at the moment, she's still enjoying life and is quite happy to watch her favourite movies and play card games. she can't be left home alone as she's very vulnerable, and could accidentally start a house fire. she also frequently forgets where she is.
i have one sibling, an older brother "james" (m36). until recently, james has **never** helped out with caring for our mother.
james lives with his wife (f35) and they have two kids, (m11) and (m8). i've asked james a few times in the past for help, and he frequently uses his kids as an excuse and says he's too busy taking them to and from school or some extracurricular activity.
over the past month, i've been a lot more pushy with james and told him that she's his mom too, and the least he can do is help out one day a week.
now over the past month, every sunday, james takes our mom out for the day, normally to go get coffee and go for a long walk in the park. she really enjoys it and looks foward to it. it gives me and my husband a break as well.
james' wife has made it very clear that she's upset with me over this. she said i'm "stealing james" and that james should be spending time with her and their kids. she accused me of making her life difficult, and said that when james comes home from it, he doesn't want to help out with housework or entertain the kids. i told her that's not my fault and that our mom's care needs aren't negotiable, and it's not fair for me and my husband to do all of it when james is capable of helping.
she said we should just put her in a nursing home. i told her that we can't afford a nursing home, unless she and james want to go 50:50. she said there's better stuff they want to spend their money on. i told her that's tough titties and james will have to keep helping out then. she said i'm a jerk for "forcing" james to help out.
| 2,863 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y7m59c/aita_for_forcing_my_brother_to_help_out_with/
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2022-10-18 23:18:32
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nta. if your sil wants your brother to spend more time with her & the kids, they can all spend sundays with grandma.
and join us in r/dementia.
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nta. why can’t james involve his wife and kids in spending time with mom?
i do think y’all need a long-term plan for her care. contact your local council on aging to begin coordinating her care, as the costs are based on her income, not yours.
it’s better to get her into secure housing soon because it gives her time to get used to it, which will help as the dementia progresses.
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[removed]
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nta
it's only to get harder as you well know. your brother is perfectly capable of helping out. and at this stage of your mother's illness it's good for your brother to be able to spend time with his mother, quality time.
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historically, the onus has always been on women to take care of the relative in these situations. i think it's as much to do with the fact that you're a woman as it is the fact that you're a nurse. i've seen this scenario play out too many times to count.
your brother's wife has issues. to state that you're "stealing james away" is very revealing. not all children feel that they want, or indeed can take on this responsibility. however, if your brother is not willing to pay half for a nursing home then i feel he does bear responsibility to care for your mother too. why should all the onus be on you? also, his wife needs to get a grip.
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nta
good for you for insisting on help, it is too much for one person to take on.
your sister in law is a royal witch, holy $hitballs.
have you seen a lawyer to get your moms finances in order? not sure where you are, but in the us this could be a nightmare later on.
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you're not even getting a full day of help out of him, you're getting a few hours once a week. that's hardly anything, in the grand scheme of things. his wife is callous and bitchy, and needs to sort out her marital issues with her husband and not you. i'm sorry you're going through this, op. nta.
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nta. she doesn’t mean to be, but your mom’s care is an enormous burden for you and your husband. your brother coming once a week for a few hours to help out is really the least he can do. if he’s too drained afterward to help with the kids or around the house, that’s really up to him and his wife to figure out. they chose to have kids, so that’s on them, that isn’t your problem. i’m sure you also have “better stuff” to spend money on, yet here you are providing what is basically full-time, round the clock care and funding it fully from what it sounds like. your brother’s wife is a major ah for not even trying to be understanding.
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nta.
&#x200b;
>there was a certain pressure on me specifically to be the one to look
after her because i happen to be a nurse and i should "know about this
stuff", but it's a lot different when it's your own mom.
oh hell no. one does not practice medicine or psychiatric care on one's family members for a reason. it's a profession not your life.
>james' wife has made it very clear that she's upset with me over this.
she said i'm "stealing james" and that james should be spending time
with her and their kids
jame's wife has issues and needs to confront why she feels jealous over a 56 year old woman with dementia who is her spouses fucking ailing mother.
> she said there's better stuff they want to spend their money on
...what a selfish bitch god damn. misery loves company.
&#x200b;
does your mom have an estate, property etc that you can leverage for her long term medical care? this is not sustainable for you and it will end very badly for you to keep going on like this. you deserve help but clearly your family isn't interested in being your family. i don't care if they're related to you by blood they don't love you or your mom. so who else does?
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nah. look, you’re in an awful position. no one is really obligated to care for their parents though. james wife and children are his priority right now. you guys need to come up with a long term plan for your mom, and that plan should ensure she isn’t living with either of you. so sorry you’re in this position.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f27) live with my husband (m29). my mom (f58) has early onset dementia, and was diagnosed around a year ago. she's been living with me and my husband, as none of my other family members were willing to let her stay with them. there was a certain pressure on me specifically to be the one to look after her because i happen to be a nurse and i should "know about this stuff", but it's a lot different when it's your own mom. i know she's only going to get worse. at the moment, she's still enjoying life and is quite happy to watch her favourite movies and play card games. she can't be left home alone as she's very vulnerable, and could accidentally start a house fire. she also frequently forgets where she is. i have one sibling, an older brother "james" (m36). until recently, james has **never** helped out with caring for our mother. james lives with his wife (f35) and they have two kids, (m11) and (m8). i've asked james a few times in the past for help, and he frequently uses his kids as an excuse and says he's too busy taking them to and from school or some extracurricular activity. over the past month, i've been a lot more pushy with james and told him that she's his mom too, and the least he can do is help out one day a week. now over the past month, every sunday, james takes our mom out for the day, normally to go get coffee and go for a long walk in the park. she really enjoys it and looks foward to it. it gives me and my husband a break as well. james' wife has made it very clear that she's upset with me over this. she said i'm "stealing james" and that james should be spending time with her and their kids. she accused me of making her life difficult, and said that when james comes home from it, he doesn't want to help out with housework or entertain the kids. i told her that's not my fault and that our mom's care needs aren't negotiable, and it's not fair for me and my husband to do all of it when james is capable of helping. she said we should just put her in a nursing home. i told her that we can't afford a nursing home, unless she and james want to go 50:50. she said there's better stuff they want to spend their money on. i told her that's tough titties and james will have to keep helping out then. she said i'm a jerk for "forcing" james to help out.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f27) live with my husband (m29). my mom (f58) has early onset dementia, and was diagnosed around a year ago. she's been living with me and my husband, as none of my other family members were willing to let her stay with them. there was a certain pressure on me specifically to be the one to look after her because i happen to be a nurse and i should "know about this stuff", but it's a lot different when it's your own mom. i know she's only going to get worse. at the moment, she's still enjoying life and is quite happy to watch her favourite movies and play card games. she can't be left home alone as she's very vulnerable, and could accidentally start a house fire. she also frequently forgets where she is. i have one sibling, an older brother "james" (m36). until recently, james has **never** helped out with caring for our mother. james lives with his wife (f35) and they have two kids, (m11) and (m8). i've asked james a few times in the past for help, and he frequently uses his kids as an excuse and says he's too busy taking them to and from school or some extracurricular activity. over the past month, i've been a lot more pushy with james and told him that she's his mom too, and the least he can do is help out one day a week. now over the past month, every sunday, james takes our mom out for the day, normally to go get coffee and go for a long walk in the park. she really enjoys it and looks foward to it. it gives me and my husband a break as well. james' wife has made it very clear that she's upset with me over this. she said i'm "stealing james" and that james should be spending time with her and their kids. she accused me of making her life difficult, and said that when james comes home from it, he doesn't want to help out with housework or entertain the kids. i told her that's not my fault and that our mom's care needs aren't negotiable, and it's not fair for me and my husband to do all of it when james is capable of helping. she said we should just put her in a nursing home. i told her that we can't afford a nursing home, unless she and james want to go 50:50. she said there's better stuff they want to spend their money on. i told her that's tough titties and james will have to keep helping out then. she said i'm a jerk for "forcing" james to help out. [/INST] nta. if your sil wants your brother to spend more time with her & the kids, they can all spend sundays with grandma. and join us in r/dementia. </s>
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AITA for sending flowers to my mom and sisters for Valentine’s Day?
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i (22m) have two sisters and was raised by a single mom. i’m really close to my family and every year for valentine’s day i get both my sisters and my mom gifts/flowers. i’ve never had a serious gf before so this is the first valentine’s day with a gf, we’ve been together for about 4 months. she was with me yesterday when my mom and sisters facetimed me together to say thanks for the flowers. after i got off the call she said it was weird for a guy to send his sisters romantic gifts for valentine’s day. she was also annoyed bc she said their flowers were nicer than hers bc there’s were from a florist and hers were from the grocery store. i didn’t intentionally get my family nicer flowers, but if you get them delivered (which i have to since they live in another state) it has to be from a florist. i also cooked my gf dinner and got her some other presents. we got into a fight bc she said she didn’t want to date the type of guy who was always going to prioritize his family over his gf and i (admittedly pretty mad at her by this point) told her that my family is more important to me than her. was i the ah here? i kind of feel like she might be breaking up with me soon…
| 784 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/st80mx/aita_for_sending_flowers_to_my_mom_and_sisters/
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2022-02-15 17:18:09
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nta
you're a good son and brother. hopefully you care about them more than some chick you started dating a few months ago.
bye felicia
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nta. lots of women would appreciate a man who values his family and the women in his life like this. if she dumps you, you’re better off because you can do better than this.
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nta.
‘it’s weird for a guy to send his sisters romantic gifts for valentine’s day’
that’s such a weird take on giving your mother and sister’s flowers on a holiday. they aren’t a romantic gifts, they were given to show you have love for them.
your girlfriend’s take is filled with jealousy. it’s such a thoughtful gift and your girlfriend ruined it with her jealousy
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nta. your gf is weird and honestly it’ll probably get worse. she’s jealous of your mom and sisters 😭
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nta. getting flowers for your mom and sisters is sweet. gf is being weird and not worth your time…don’t wait for her to dump you.
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nta. if anything, you're showing the gf that you're a good family man, considerate of others, a really great guy.
if she's complaining about nicer flowers when you're buying her other gifts and cooking her dinner, maybe her breaking up with you isn't a bad thing. find someone who appreciates how caring you are.
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nta
it's so sweet that you gift flowers to your mom and sisters. keep doing that. as for your gf, you are lucky that you only wasted 4 months on her. now that you know how she really is, you need to run.
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nta. she's showing you who she is - jealous, looking for reasons to be pissed off, controlling. an emotionally healthy person would think it charming that you remembered the important women in your life on valentine's day.
she might be your first serious girlfriend, but she shouldn't be your last.
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nta at all, it’s sweet that you get flowers for your mom and sisters. if you’ve only been dating for 4 months your girlfriend should check herself, that’s pretty bold to already be making judgements of family so young into the relationship.
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nta
but your gf is.
you are sweet as pie to send flowers to your family, you did nothing wrong at all. please do not stop being sweet and caring and kind to them. your gf is wrong and nuts.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22m) have two sisters and was raised by a single mom. i’m really close to my family and every year for valentine’s day i get both my sisters and my mom gifts/flowers. i’ve never had a serious gf before so this is the first valentine’s day with a gf, we’ve been together for about 4 months. she was with me yesterday when my mom and sisters facetimed me together to say thanks for the flowers. after i got off the call she said it was weird for a guy to send his sisters romantic gifts for valentine’s day. she was also annoyed bc she said their flowers were nicer than hers bc there’s were from a florist and hers were from the grocery store. i didn’t intentionally get my family nicer flowers, but if you get them delivered (which i have to since they live in another state) it has to be from a florist. i also cooked my gf dinner and got her some other presents. we got into a fight bc she said she didn’t want to date the type of guy who was always going to prioritize his family over his gf and i (admittedly pretty mad at her by this point) told her that my family is more important to me than her. was i the ah here? i kind of feel like she might be breaking up with me soon…
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22m) have two sisters and was raised by a single mom. i’m really close to my family and every year for valentine’s day i get both my sisters and my mom gifts/flowers. i’ve never had a serious gf before so this is the first valentine’s day with a gf, we’ve been together for about 4 months. she was with me yesterday when my mom and sisters facetimed me together to say thanks for the flowers. after i got off the call she said it was weird for a guy to send his sisters romantic gifts for valentine’s day. she was also annoyed bc she said their flowers were nicer than hers bc there’s were from a florist and hers were from the grocery store. i didn’t intentionally get my family nicer flowers, but if you get them delivered (which i have to since they live in another state) it has to be from a florist. i also cooked my gf dinner and got her some other presents. we got into a fight bc she said she didn’t want to date the type of guy who was always going to prioritize his family over his gf and i (admittedly pretty mad at her by this point) told her that my family is more important to me than her. was i the ah here? i kind of feel like she might be breaking up with me soon… [/INST] nta you're a good son and brother. hopefully you care about them more than some chick you started dating a few months ago. bye felicia </s>
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AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to bleed all over the sheets (again)?
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my gf gets a heavy period the first 2-3 days. i have nothing against periods, they’re natural and if leaks happen they happen.
however for the past two periods she’s had, she refuses to put on a pad at first even when she’s felt them come both times. both times we were in bed lazing or trying to sleep and she’s like oop! think that’s my period! and when i said oh go get a pad or check, she’s like nah i’m lazy n fell asleep. we woke up to the bloodiest mess. second time last month, pretty much a repeat happened. we were cuddling she’s like oop that’s def my period. but i’m too lazy. i remembered the month before and offered to get her pads and new underwear and she’s like nah it’s fine. wouldn’t let me get up.
it wasn’t fine. she bled all over me and the sheets and when i got squeamish and tried to put them in the wash immediately she laughed and said it’s normal, and pads feel uncomfortable anyway.
yesterday i put my foot down. it’s near period time again and i told her to put on a pad in advance (“they’re uncomf”). so i said ok. if she feels it come and she isn’t asleep, to please put a pad or smth on immediately. she first laughed at me and said i was being a baby then when i insisted, said i was being a misogynistic asshole and now won’t talk to me because i’m being apparently a baby about her period. i just don’t want to wake up in a bloody mess again. am i being unreasonable? aita?
| 7,263 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ggl2n8/aita_for_not_wanting_my_girlfriend_to_bleed_all/
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2020-05-09 18:45:04
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nta. this is just.. really gross and unsanitary to say the least. yeah periods are natural, but no one wants to sleep in a pool of it?
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nta!!! i’m a female and i can confidently say your girl is being super inconsiderate and quite frankly unhygienic. is she ruining your sheets every time she does this? i can’t imagine that you’re able to even get the blood stains out completely. this is very frustrating, i’m sorry you have to deal with this. i’d never want to lie in my own bodily fluids because i’m “too lazy” let alone force my husband to lie in them with me.
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nta that's gonna ruin your mattress. i'm female, we don't just bleed all over ourselves wtf. that's not normal.
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nta
female here, this isn't normal. we don't just free bleed and ruin sheets once a month. it's unsanitary 🤮
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nta. i can't imagine not having a pad on even when i'm just spotting. yeah, they're not the most comfortable thing, but damn. periods aren't that unpredictable! if she has a drawer by the bed, put some pads in there and a wastebasket: then she'll have no excuse!
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nta there is a difference between being misogynistic about periods and not wanting to wake up with blood all over you,and if it’s uncomfortable for her to get a pad how does she think you feel about being covered in blood. she has to know its not comfortable either
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my ex did this. turned out she had a fetish for blood.
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nta-- when i first read the title i thought this would be another case of someone being totally grossed out by periods and leakage or something similar. first off, you should put fabrics that have been bled on in a cold wash immediately as it helps get the blood out faster. you aren't being too sensitive for wanting to do that.
if this was a case of her getting her period in the middle of the night and the sheets accidentally being stained i would say you are being too sensitive...but at the end of day it is a bodily fluid. you are totally reasonable for not wanting that on you. if she is so adverse to pads (i get it, they are uncomfortable) maybe she can try the cup or the disk, which can be worn overnight unlike a tampon. they're way more comfortable and they can stay in way longer than you can wear a pad or a tampon.
honestly, as a girl, i'm just confused as to why she wouldn't care about getting blood all over clothing and sheets if she can prevent it...
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nta. she should go live with the lady who sticks her hand down her pants at the dinner table to check for her period.
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nta. i’m a woman and i think this is a dealbreaker.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my gf gets a heavy period the first 2-3 days. i have nothing against periods, they’re natural and if leaks happen they happen. however for the past two periods she’s had, she refuses to put on a pad at first even when she’s felt them come both times. both times we were in bed lazing or trying to sleep and she’s like oop! think that’s my period! and when i said oh go get a pad or check, she’s like nah i’m lazy n fell asleep. we woke up to the bloodiest mess. second time last month, pretty much a repeat happened. we were cuddling she’s like oop that’s def my period. but i’m too lazy. i remembered the month before and offered to get her pads and new underwear and she’s like nah it’s fine. wouldn’t let me get up. it wasn’t fine. she bled all over me and the sheets and when i got squeamish and tried to put them in the wash immediately she laughed and said it’s normal, and pads feel uncomfortable anyway. yesterday i put my foot down. it’s near period time again and i told her to put on a pad in advance (“they’re uncomf”). so i said ok. if she feels it come and she isn’t asleep, to please put a pad or smth on immediately. she first laughed at me and said i was being a baby then when i insisted, said i was being a misogynistic asshole and now won’t talk to me because i’m being apparently a baby about her period. i just don’t want to wake up in a bloody mess again. am i being unreasonable? aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my gf gets a heavy period the first 2-3 days. i have nothing against periods, they’re natural and if leaks happen they happen. however for the past two periods she’s had, she refuses to put on a pad at first even when she’s felt them come both times. both times we were in bed lazing or trying to sleep and she’s like oop! think that’s my period! and when i said oh go get a pad or check, she’s like nah i’m lazy n fell asleep. we woke up to the bloodiest mess. second time last month, pretty much a repeat happened. we were cuddling she’s like oop that’s def my period. but i’m too lazy. i remembered the month before and offered to get her pads and new underwear and she’s like nah it’s fine. wouldn’t let me get up. it wasn’t fine. she bled all over me and the sheets and when i got squeamish and tried to put them in the wash immediately she laughed and said it’s normal, and pads feel uncomfortable anyway. yesterday i put my foot down. it’s near period time again and i told her to put on a pad in advance (“they’re uncomf”). so i said ok. if she feels it come and she isn’t asleep, to please put a pad or smth on immediately. she first laughed at me and said i was being a baby then when i insisted, said i was being a misogynistic asshole and now won’t talk to me because i’m being apparently a baby about her period. i just don’t want to wake up in a bloody mess again. am i being unreasonable? aita? [/INST] nta. this is just.. really gross and unsanitary to say the least. yeah periods are natural, but no one wants to sleep in a pool of it? </s>
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AITA for cutting off my child financially for lying to me about her grades?
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my child is 21 and a junior at an expensive private university. my husband and i pay for **everything**; her food, her housing, or tuition. our only condition was that she had to maintain her grades to at least a 3.0 and she had to do a summer job/internship every summer. we even gave her a $100/week allowance!
this would be a good time to note that we live in georgia. we have the zell miller scholarship and she got accepted into uga, which means she would’ve had her entire tuition paid for. she begged us to let her go to her dream school and because financials weren’t that big a problem to us, we relented, with the conditions listed above.
she’s been telling us (her father and i) that she has a 3.7 and is doing amazing for the last 3 years. we were so proud (it never crossed our mind that she could be lying). she would also frequently post herself on her instagram at parties in the middle of the week and drinking with friends, but because she was doing fine academically, we just let her have her freedom.
anyways her brother is a freshman at ga tech. he ended his first semester with a 2.8, putting him at risk for losing his scholarship. he told us he was only on track for a 3.2 this semester (too low to maintain the scholarship). we asked him why he wasn’t doing great and that he needs to be more focused on his academics when he got defensive and told us that “at least he wasn’t failing like his sister”.
this is going over the character limit so to make a long story short, our daughter has been lying the entire time about her grades. she has a 2.3 gpa and it on track for failing a class this semester. my husband and i were furious, and told her that because she wants to lie and deceive us like that, we were no longer going to fund her school at all. if she still wants to go there, she’s going to need to take out loans, and we’re cutting her off completely (total cost is about $30,000 a semester).
she was heartbroken and begged us for another chance, and that she was too afraid to come clean. being afraid is one thing, but she should’ve told us and maybe could’ve provided resources to help her. she lied to us to our faces and made us out to be fools.
this was a week and a half ago, and she blocked us on everything. my husband thinks she’s acting like a spoiled brat, but i starting to feel really bad. we had a great relationship before this and talked at least twice a week. our husband thinks she’ll come around, but i still have a horrible feeling in my stomach.
are we the assholes for cutting our daughter off?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bcss62/aita_for_cutting_off_my_child_financially_for/
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2019-04-13 17:17:04
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nta, she straight up lied to you and is trying to guilt you into this pattern again. if you want to give her a chance, tell her she will have to take out the loans for a year and if she improves her grades only then will you discuss giving her a bank roll again.
in all honesty though i wouldn’t bank roll her if she behaves this way. my family pod for my schooling and i maintained a 3.0 minimum as part of the deal.
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all i’m going to say is that something similar happened with my sister - super smart, went to an ivy league school with no scholarship, parents paid out of pocket for tuition and living expenses. she got a taste of freedom and started partying/doing drugs, etc. she was too afraid to admit to my parents she wasn’t doing well academically, so she lied. my parents found out when a letter of academic probation was mailed home.
long story short they started down the path you’re on - they threatened to cut her off, lots of yelling about lying, basically a familial wwiii. they started with her cell phone (this was back in the v early 2000s) and spending money and she basically carved them out of her life.
after that, she moved out of the dorms, lived in some really horrific living situations because she wouldn’t take money from them (by that point they just didn’t want her living in squalor so they offered to give her money for an apt).
before she had her first kid, they talked maybe twice a year. she’d call for birthdays after she knew they were asleep. she’s never come home again for thanksgiving, christmas, etc. people ask me how many siblings i have and i forget to count her because she’s removed herself from our family.
so, while you’re absolutely nta for cutting her off, that doesn’t mean you’re going to end up with a solid relationship with your daughter. i understand you’re both disappointed, but it may be worth having an actual discussion with her about the root cause - was it just poor decision making skills, does she have a substance abuse problem, why was she so afraid to ask for help, etc. before making any decisions. i don’t know what kind of student she was in hs, but i was a nhs student, graduated in the top 10% of my class with a 3.9 gpa and have historically sailed through school without any effort, and still came close to failing a couple classes in undergrad. it wasn’t until a professor in graduate school noticed some discrepancies that it came out that i most likely have dyslexia. i still haven’t gotten it formally diagnosed because - what’s the point now that i’m an adult? i say this to show that even with a smart kid who’s never touched a drug in her life, i struggled in college and i was grateful both my parents and i learned from the mistakes they and my sister made when she was in college. you may want to take a step back and reassess before making any drastic decisions that may irreparably impact your relationship with your daughter.
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nta. i feel like reddit tends to be biased towards these kind of questions and will try to claim that you’re horrible parents for cutting her off, but she’s been lying to you two for *years*. she never even came clean; she only found out because her brother tattled. you’re well within your right to cut her off financially because of this.
that being said, consider the relationship with your daughter. i’m not saying you should pay for it and in fact, you probably shouldn’t, just based on the deceit. just keep in mind that this can severely affect your relationship for the future. if gpa isn’t vital for her next steps after college, you might damage your relationship out of just out of principal.
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[deleted]
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esh
so, you and your husband’s solution to your daughter failing was to put her into a situation that makes her failing 10x more likely?
if your daughter wasn’t able to make it through the last three years while she had your financial support and minimal things to worry about, what makes y’all think she’ll be able to do so much better now that she has even more on her plate to worry about??
i get being mad at her for lying (my freshman year of college was when my parents discovered the sink hole i had gotten myself into with my first credit cards and all of the lying i had been doing to cover that) - but yanking funding is just going to make the issue even worse.
i would recommend having a mature, sit-down conversation without angry words and empty threats, but i fear y’all have already done a significant amount of damage here.
(esh for rating because the daughter fucked up, no way around that - but she’s a stupid kid. y’all are supposed to be the mature adults)
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info
has she told you *why* she's failing? is it because she's stopped caring or perhaps some mental issues?
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esh - while what your daughter did sucks, and she deserves the consequences, she probably isn't lying that she was scared to tell you what was happening. that hints to the fact that your dynamic might not be a healthy one. you also said "she made us out to be fools." it sounds like you are less concerned about her education and more about the appearance of a perfect family.
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nta. her brother knew she was failing, so clearly she was only trying to keep it a secret from you. a little naive of you to think she can post pics of her partying all the time and you didn't once think to look into it at a cost to yourself of $60k/yr, but she may have been a great juggler in high school and played it off like she could still do it.
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yta. the punishment (30,000+ dollars in debt, or drop out and have no education whatsoever) doesn't fit the crime.
she was afraid of exactly this reaction, or the reaction her brother received. you did not support your son. you "asked him why he wasn't doing great and told him to be more focused on academics"
how do u know he isn't trying his hardest? how do you know he is just struggling to adjust to university from high school, a huge transition where most people are a significant grade drop.
if you offered your son no resources when he came to you, just judgements, why do you pretend your daughter would have been received any differently?
also: you cut your child off. why shouldn't she cut you off in return?
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esh
she had never failed in her life. she tried to cover it up while also experiencing freedom.
you had a relationship, but not one with a solid history of how to communicate when shit goes bad.
she lied.
you guys threatened to cut her off financially. does one really equal the other?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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INFO
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.542872 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my child is 21 and a junior at an expensive private university. my husband and i pay for **everything**; her food, her housing, or tuition. our only condition was that she had to maintain her grades to at least a 3.0 and she had to do a summer job/internship every summer. we even gave her a $100/week allowance! this would be a good time to note that we live in georgia. we have the zell miller scholarship and she got accepted into uga, which means she would’ve had her entire tuition paid for. she begged us to let her go to her dream school and because financials weren’t that big a problem to us, we relented, with the conditions listed above. she’s been telling us (her father and i) that she has a 3.7 and is doing amazing for the last 3 years. we were so proud (it never crossed our mind that she could be lying). she would also frequently post herself on her instagram at parties in the middle of the week and drinking with friends, but because she was doing fine academically, we just let her have her freedom. anyways her brother is a freshman at ga tech. he ended his first semester with a 2.8, putting him at risk for losing his scholarship. he told us he was only on track for a 3.2 this semester (too low to maintain the scholarship). we asked him why he wasn’t doing great and that he needs to be more focused on his academics when he got defensive and told us that “at least he wasn’t failing like his sister”. this is going over the character limit so to make a long story short, our daughter has been lying the entire time about her grades. she has a 2.3 gpa and it on track for failing a class this semester. my husband and i were furious, and told her that because she wants to lie and deceive us like that, we were no longer going to fund her school at all. if she still wants to go there, she’s going to need to take out loans, and we’re cutting her off completely (total cost is about $30,000 a semester). she was heartbroken and begged us for another chance, and that she was too afraid to come clean. being afraid is one thing, but she should’ve told us and maybe could’ve provided resources to help her. she lied to us to our faces and made us out to be fools. this was a week and a half ago, and she blocked us on everything. my husband thinks she’s acting like a spoiled brat, but i starting to feel really bad. we had a great relationship before this and talked at least twice a week. our husband thinks she’ll come around, but i still have a horrible feeling in my stomach. are we the assholes for cutting our daughter off?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my child is 21 and a junior at an expensive private university. my husband and i pay for **everything**; her food, her housing, or tuition. our only condition was that she had to maintain her grades to at least a 3.0 and she had to do a summer job/internship every summer. we even gave her a $100/week allowance! this would be a good time to note that we live in georgia. we have the zell miller scholarship and she got accepted into uga, which means she would’ve had her entire tuition paid for. she begged us to let her go to her dream school and because financials weren’t that big a problem to us, we relented, with the conditions listed above. she’s been telling us (her father and i) that she has a 3.7 and is doing amazing for the last 3 years. we were so proud (it never crossed our mind that she could be lying). she would also frequently post herself on her instagram at parties in the middle of the week and drinking with friends, but because she was doing fine academically, we just let her have her freedom. anyways her brother is a freshman at ga tech. he ended his first semester with a 2.8, putting him at risk for losing his scholarship. he told us he was only on track for a 3.2 this semester (too low to maintain the scholarship). we asked him why he wasn’t doing great and that he needs to be more focused on his academics when he got defensive and told us that “at least he wasn’t failing like his sister”. this is going over the character limit so to make a long story short, our daughter has been lying the entire time about her grades. she has a 2.3 gpa and it on track for failing a class this semester. my husband and i were furious, and told her that because she wants to lie and deceive us like that, we were no longer going to fund her school at all. if she still wants to go there, she’s going to need to take out loans, and we’re cutting her off completely (total cost is about $30,000 a semester). she was heartbroken and begged us for another chance, and that she was too afraid to come clean. being afraid is one thing, but she should’ve told us and maybe could’ve provided resources to help her. she lied to us to our faces and made us out to be fools. this was a week and a half ago, and she blocked us on everything. my husband thinks she’s acting like a spoiled brat, but i starting to feel really bad. we had a great relationship before this and talked at least twice a week. our husband thinks she’ll come around, but i still have a horrible feeling in my stomach. are we the assholes for cutting our daughter off? [/INST] nta, she straight up lied to you and is trying to guilt you into this pattern again. if you want to give her a chance, tell her she will have to take out the loans for a year and if she improves her grades only then will you discuss giving her a bank roll again. in all honesty though i wouldn’t bank roll her if she behaves this way. my family pod for my schooling and i maintained a 3.0 minimum as part of the deal. </s>
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AITA for telling my friend he is not attractive to me?
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hey guys. i’m 15 and i have a friend who is a guy. he is my age also. anyways we have been friends for a year since last school year. he likes me and i don’t like him back which i feel guilty about because he is nice but i just don’t like him like that. i told him i’m not allowed to have a bf which is true but he won’t drop it. he kept asking if he’s attractive. he sent me pics sometimes in the middle of chats and say “what do you think?” and “do you like?” at first i just said things like “aww my friend” and give the pic a heart but now i just give it a thumbs up and send a emoji and change the subject. anyway he caught on and asked me if i think he’s attractive again and i was already annoyed today and i told him how i really feel. my message says “why do you always ask me this? please stop being weird. please?” he asked how he’s being weird and said he just wants my honest opinion. i said back “sorry but not to me. your not my type. i don’t like you that way. i love you like a friend though.” he said “…” and i apologized a lot and he said whatever and stopped talking. now he is making posts and snaps being sad and saying bad things about himself and girls. one of my friends say i was way too mean and another says i wasn’t but she feels bad for him. should i have lied? it was so awkward. anyway thanks for reading.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q2fnq7/aita_for_telling_my_friend_he_is_not_attractive/
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2021-10-06 07:44:31
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nta let him be moody who the fuck cares, you're not obliged to keep complimenting his looks, and then he'll think you're into him and if you dont compliment him, he'll keep pestering you, so no winning with people like that. drop him like the brooding edgelord he is
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nta. you don't need to apologize. he's not your type, you aren't attracted to him. being honest is a good thing. you have nothing to feel guilty about.
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nta.
s/i guess you could’ve been kinder perhaps/s, but he was basically harassing you & he was 100% hoping you’d say yes so he could hit on you.
“he asked how he’s being weird”
he’s not 5. he knows why it’s weird to send unwanted pictures, & plus he demands you constantly tell him he’s attractive when he does so. you do not owe him, or anyone, an opinion you don’t have.
it’s unfortunate that his confidence is so low that 1 person rejecting him makes him “oh so sad” but that’s too bad. rejection is a huge part of life, especially from -friends-.
-edited because i realized my sarcasm was really hard to detect-
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nta. and i wouldn't take what your friend said personally, what you said was not mean, this was just the guy's first real rejection most likely. you did him a favor and said it nicely, he'll appreciate it in the future.
now he can move on. acknowledging his feelings and telling the truth is always the best way to go.
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nta. and honestly, don't accept this kind of behavior from someone.
you've been polite, you've been understanding and discretely trying to nip his interest in the bud. he knows that you're not interested, and especially now tat you've told him. what else could you have done? it reflects extremely poorly on him that he wants to make himself the victim of unanswered love. he's not a victim, he likes you romantically and you don't like him back. no one has the right to have their feelings answered. and no one has the right to nag someone into showing interest.
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he's hurt. you didn't hurt him.
&#x200b;
its nice of you to feel bad when someone is hurt, but understand you're not the cause.
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nta, and please recognize that boys not accepting 'no' when they want affection/intimacy from you is a huge red flag. we as girls are taught to be 'nice' to boys, and then they end up feeling entitled to us. he either needs to accept that he is your friend, period, or you get to walk away until he gets it.
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nta. he sounds manipulative and like he doesn’t respect your feelings/opinions by not dropping the subject of dating you. i know it’s hard when you’re 15 but you don’t want to be around people like that, they only get clingier and more possessive.
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nta. don't feel guilty about not liking him back, he will just use that guilt against you. he's doesn't sound like a friend, a friend would have dropped it.
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nta
play stupid games win stupid prizes. he knew you aren’t interested and kept pressuring you anyway, scratching and scratching hoping you’ll give in and just go out with him. which is gross in itself.
instead though, you blew up and finally told him the truth so now he’s emotionally blackmailing you.
it’s predatory.
he either gets over himself and starts treating you like a human or drop him.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hey guys. i’m 15 and i have a friend who is a guy. he is my age also. anyways we have been friends for a year since last school year. he likes me and i don’t like him back which i feel guilty about because he is nice but i just don’t like him like that. i told him i’m not allowed to have a bf which is true but he won’t drop it. he kept asking if he’s attractive. he sent me pics sometimes in the middle of chats and say “what do you think?” and “do you like?” at first i just said things like “aww my friend” and give the pic a heart but now i just give it a thumbs up and send a emoji and change the subject. anyway he caught on and asked me if i think he’s attractive again and i was already annoyed today and i told him how i really feel. my message says “why do you always ask me this? please stop being weird. please?” he asked how he’s being weird and said he just wants my honest opinion. i said back “sorry but not to me. your not my type. i don’t like you that way. i love you like a friend though.” he said “…” and i apologized a lot and he said whatever and stopped talking. now he is making posts and snaps being sad and saying bad things about himself and girls. one of my friends say i was way too mean and another says i wasn’t but she feels bad for him. should i have lied? it was so awkward. anyway thanks for reading.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hey guys. i’m 15 and i have a friend who is a guy. he is my age also. anyways we have been friends for a year since last school year. he likes me and i don’t like him back which i feel guilty about because he is nice but i just don’t like him like that. i told him i’m not allowed to have a bf which is true but he won’t drop it. he kept asking if he’s attractive. he sent me pics sometimes in the middle of chats and say “what do you think?” and “do you like?” at first i just said things like “aww my friend” and give the pic a heart but now i just give it a thumbs up and send a emoji and change the subject. anyway he caught on and asked me if i think he’s attractive again and i was already annoyed today and i told him how i really feel. my message says “why do you always ask me this? please stop being weird. please?” he asked how he’s being weird and said he just wants my honest opinion. i said back “sorry but not to me. your not my type. i don’t like you that way. i love you like a friend though.” he said “…” and i apologized a lot and he said whatever and stopped talking. now he is making posts and snaps being sad and saying bad things about himself and girls. one of my friends say i was way too mean and another says i wasn’t but she feels bad for him. should i have lied? it was so awkward. anyway thanks for reading. [/INST] nta let him be moody who the fuck cares, you're not obliged to keep complimenting his looks, and then he'll think you're into him and if you dont compliment him, he'll keep pestering you, so no winning with people like that. drop him like the brooding edgelord he is </s>
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AITA for calling my sister out on Instagram that her "inspirational" story of the muscular waiter and fat shaming Doctor is actually one of the more infamous "thathappened" stories on the Internet?
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obviously i can't post the entire story here because of the character limit but i first heard of it almost 6 years ago and ive seen it pop up in various other places from time to time. the story goes that a group of women (the "large and in charge club" first clue it's so fake) is eating at the cheesecake factory and one of thier doctors comes up to the author and fat shames her by comparing her to his "beautiful" wife. author runs out of the store and out comes a hot muscular waiter with a slice of cheesecake with a heart drawn in chocolate sauce just for her. yeah, obvious bullshit.
my sister is 17, boy crazy (i'm 21, and know all too well about being buy crazy) but seriously struggles with her weight. my dad tries to get her to eat healthy and exercise, my mom tells her she has her genes and accept who she is. i try not to get involved.
so anyways my sister shared a pic of the story above on her instagram with the quote "who's tryna be like dat wit me? fuck dat doctor." amazingly, she got like an incredible amount of likes and a decent discussion about how all doctors are evil and several were going to go to cheesecake factory and try to find a similar waiter...with lots of pictures of eggplants.
i couldn't help myself and commented that the story was so fake, doctors aren't evil and thier eggplant thing isn't as clever are inside as she thought. sister deleted the post which i thought maybe she realized how silly it was. not even an hour later my mom called screeching at me that i had ruined my sisters day, i can't go on her social media anymore, that i had no idea if the story is fake or not and i can't call out my sister for what she finds inspirational. she wants me to call and apologize.
was i the asshole here ?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d0giny/aita_for_calling_my_sister_out_on_instagram_that/
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2019-09-06 13:15:18
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yta - you called her out in public, not because you wanted to gently correct her or to bring it to her attention, but because you wanted her to be publicly humiliated over it.
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yta - it wasn't necessary for you to comment and your comment strikes me as mean spirited.
also, from what you have written, it sounds like the comments from others were just be a bunch of high school kids joking around and here is an adult stepping in to ruin their fun and be a party pooper.
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yta why would you comment instead of mentioning it to her privately? commenting publicly only serves to embarrass her.
this story may be totally fake, and a fake story shouldnt be used to villainize anyone, but a lot of fat people do have issues w doctors refusing to take any of their health concerns seriously, always saying the solution is to lose weight. there are plenty of issues within the medical profession, plenty of discrimination and shitty medicine toward women, black people, and, yes, fat people.
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esh
your sister is fake and that's sad but you didn't need to go pissing on her parade, either. you come off sounding like the skinny sister who's mad that her fat sister is 'cheating' to get the popularity.
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yta. i feel like this is one of those harmless things she posted for fun. who was being hurt here by this fake story? this isn't like spreading a malicious lie, such as vaccines cause autism. but you just had to call her out for what? pretty much a dick move. just move along
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esh
i mean, your sister ~~lying~~ being ignorant and getting people to rally against, of all people, doctors, is really shitty. but blatantly calling out your sister in public can lead to a lot of humiliation for a person already in a tough life stage (the teen years are the worst!)
you could've combatted some of the negative talk on there, but ideally, you would've talked to your sister (or mom) *in person* and explained why the post was damaging and how you'd seen that exact story before, and it wouldn't be hard for people to figure out that it was fake.
at the very least, you could've said (privately), "i've seen that viral story before, and i know it's fake. it's also promoting a damaging discussion about health and doctors, so please remove it or i'll have to let people know."
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yta - let your sister enjoy a story she heard and engage with her social media in peace. you're the only one who cares about how fake or old or silly the story might seem and you ruined her getting a kick out of it for... spite? to make a point?
fatshaming doctors are real and a serious problem. doctors aren't infallible, they're people with prejudices and limited knowledge. fat people are often misdiagnosed because of that.
you say you try to stay out of it, but here you are, shaming your sister even for her emoji choice (eggplants aren't a particularly smart joke, sherlock?).
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nta- if she’s going to tell lies on the internet she can get called out for it on the internet too. those lies had people falsely upset with a company and doctors. she doesn’t like her weight then she needs to handle it, either physically or the emotional stuff she has with it. lies aren’t the way to deal with it.
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nta. i was at a checkup the other day and he said i was overweight. ok. i can change it or stay the same, its fine. i'm mad at myself for making me fat, not the doctor for saying it. its his job.
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nta.
this was a public post and she was stupid. she can't whine abou people reacting to the stupidity.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.427172 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: obviously i can't post the entire story here because of the character limit but i first heard of it almost 6 years ago and ive seen it pop up in various other places from time to time. the story goes that a group of women (the "large and in charge club" first clue it's so fake) is eating at the cheesecake factory and one of thier doctors comes up to the author and fat shames her by comparing her to his "beautiful" wife. author runs out of the store and out comes a hot muscular waiter with a slice of cheesecake with a heart drawn in chocolate sauce just for her. yeah, obvious bullshit. my sister is 17, boy crazy (i'm 21, and know all too well about being buy crazy) but seriously struggles with her weight. my dad tries to get her to eat healthy and exercise, my mom tells her she has her genes and accept who she is. i try not to get involved. so anyways my sister shared a pic of the story above on her instagram with the quote "who's tryna be like dat wit me? fuck dat doctor." amazingly, she got like an incredible amount of likes and a decent discussion about how all doctors are evil and several were going to go to cheesecake factory and try to find a similar waiter...with lots of pictures of eggplants. i couldn't help myself and commented that the story was so fake, doctors aren't evil and thier eggplant thing isn't as clever are inside as she thought. sister deleted the post which i thought maybe she realized how silly it was. not even an hour later my mom called screeching at me that i had ruined my sisters day, i can't go on her social media anymore, that i had no idea if the story is fake or not and i can't call out my sister for what she finds inspirational. she wants me to call and apologize. was i the asshole here ?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
obviously i can't post the entire story here because of the character limit but i first heard of it almost 6 years ago and ive seen it pop up in various other places from time to time. the story goes that a group of women (the "large and in charge club" first clue it's so fake) is eating at the cheesecake factory and one of thier doctors comes up to the author and fat shames her by comparing her to his "beautiful" wife. author runs out of the store and out comes a hot muscular waiter with a slice of cheesecake with a heart drawn in chocolate sauce just for her. yeah, obvious bullshit. my sister is 17, boy crazy (i'm 21, and know all too well about being buy crazy) but seriously struggles with her weight. my dad tries to get her to eat healthy and exercise, my mom tells her she has her genes and accept who she is. i try not to get involved. so anyways my sister shared a pic of the story above on her instagram with the quote "who's tryna be like dat wit me? fuck dat doctor." amazingly, she got like an incredible amount of likes and a decent discussion about how all doctors are evil and several were going to go to cheesecake factory and try to find a similar waiter...with lots of pictures of eggplants. i couldn't help myself and commented that the story was so fake, doctors aren't evil and thier eggplant thing isn't as clever are inside as she thought. sister deleted the post which i thought maybe she realized how silly it was. not even an hour later my mom called screeching at me that i had ruined my sisters day, i can't go on her social media anymore, that i had no idea if the story is fake or not and i can't call out my sister for what she finds inspirational. she wants me to call and apologize. was i the asshole here ? [/INST] yta - you called her out in public, not because you wanted to gently correct her or to bring it to her attention, but because you wanted her to be publicly humiliated over it. </s>
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AITA for absent mindedly eating most of a tray of hor-d'ourves shrimp at my brothers wedding reception yesterday?
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i honestly don't know if i'm an asshole or not but i'm pretty embarrassed by yesterday so while i know the goal of this sub is to be honest, i'm hoping people can also be polite...maybe?
my brother got married yesterday afternoon. i love his wife and her family and it was a very nice wedding. her family was this super polite, in shape, well put together group that were all hugs, smiles and polite conversation. my family looked like momma june and her kin just rolled in from the holler and was ready trade opiates for crystal meth. it's probably not as bad as i'm making it but i just felt so ashamed of my family, embarrassed and out of place.
when i get nervous, i eat. i was talking to my new sister-in-laws sister and she was telling me about all the amazing trips she's taken, going to pepperdide and how it looks out over the ocean and how she wants to be a doctor. there was a plate of shrimp next to us and i guess i ate pretty much the whole thing just because i was nervous. i honest to god didn't even realize it but when my brother (not the groom) pointed it out to me there was almost no shrimp left, a huge pile of the tails on my plate and the cocktail sauce was empty.
my mom and dad pulled me aside and told me how much of a pig i was acting like. and they were seriously embarrassed for the way i acted. i told them i was really sorry but i was just nervous and they basically told me to stop acting like fucking idiot and embarrassing them.
was i the asshole for that?
| 2,890 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cdi0gj/aita_for_absent_mindedly_eating_most_of_a_tray_of/
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2019-07-15 14:17:39
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nta - at least you didn't eat over 3 feet of a 6 foot sub...because of course this brought that shit show to mind lol
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nta - but in a very funny way. it's an amusing story.
&#x200b;
it's a wedding. at a wedding there should be enough food. telling someone to stop eating because there is not enough food at a wedding, sheds a bad light on the catering or on the genorosity of the couple. shaming their kid for eating too much at a wedding is also not right of your parents.
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i mean, sure, you're **the** asshole, but you apologized immediately and felt genuine remorse so you're not **an** asshole. obviously one guest shouldn't eat the majority of anything at a wedding, and you need to keep some chewing gum with you so that you can stress chew on something that is both healthy and %100 yours.
&#x200b;
but really, the happy couple's is the only opinion that counts about their wedding day, so maybe send a text to your brother apologizing for stress-eating so many shrimp while you were trying not to sound dumb in front of the new fam.
&#x200b;
yta in this tiny situation but it's not a huge deal.
>"we eat so many shrimp, i got iodine poisoning" -- pimp c, "sippin' on some syrup"
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nah
you eat when you're nervous and that is something you are aware of and presumably trying to overcome. but a wedding can be really stressful for someone who struggles with their self esteem as you're surrounded by people who are all done up and looking their best, celebrating two people formalizing their love and commitment while looking amazing.
if you're already pretty uncomfortable in your own skin, of course you're going to feel pretty self conscious and nervous at an event like that.
from the way you describe the whole situation and your family compared to hers, it's pretty clear that you were feeling particularly bad about yourself that day and trying your best to hide it. you were talking to someone who you think is better than you (whether that is true or not is irrelevant), and it made you nervous so you distracted your mind from it by eating.
you're absolutely not an asshole for that and i doubt anyone else even noticed. your mom probably only noticed because she was feeling just as self conscious as you and was particularly vulnerable to feeling embarrassed. it wasn't nice of her to scold you the way she did, but i can understand why she felt embarrassed (even though, like i said, no one else likely even noticed and of they did they probably don't give a shit).
the only way it would make you an asshole would be if other people were trying to get some shrimp and you were intentionally hogging it away from others, or if there was not enough hors d'oeuvre to go around.
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sounds more like a tifu than aita to me
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esh (you and your parents). a lot of people are saying that "at least it's not a 3 foot sub" because of that other guy, but a *whole plate of shrimp* is still a lot. don't eat an entire wedding's worth of shrimp!
that said, throwing a fit at you wasn't going to bring the shrimp back and i'm sure the happy couple didn't actually care. it's not like you ate the whole wedding cake or something
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i’m sorry but this is funny as hell. 😂 nah
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of course yta
learn to control yourself and your eating habits.
just because you “didn’t think” doesn’t excuse this.
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> my family looked like momma june and her kin just rolled in from the holler and was ready trade opiates for crystal meth.
milk came out of my nose.
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info, how many shrimp are we talking? like a normal sized shrimp ring you'd get at the grocery store or a big platter?
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NAH
| null |
ESH
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NAH
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YTA
| null |
INFO
| 0.675011 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i honestly don't know if i'm an asshole or not but i'm pretty embarrassed by yesterday so while i know the goal of this sub is to be honest, i'm hoping people can also be polite...maybe? my brother got married yesterday afternoon. i love his wife and her family and it was a very nice wedding. her family was this super polite, in shape, well put together group that were all hugs, smiles and polite conversation. my family looked like momma june and her kin just rolled in from the holler and was ready trade opiates for crystal meth. it's probably not as bad as i'm making it but i just felt so ashamed of my family, embarrassed and out of place. when i get nervous, i eat. i was talking to my new sister-in-laws sister and she was telling me about all the amazing trips she's taken, going to pepperdide and how it looks out over the ocean and how she wants to be a doctor. there was a plate of shrimp next to us and i guess i ate pretty much the whole thing just because i was nervous. i honest to god didn't even realize it but when my brother (not the groom) pointed it out to me there was almost no shrimp left, a huge pile of the tails on my plate and the cocktail sauce was empty. my mom and dad pulled me aside and told me how much of a pig i was acting like. and they were seriously embarrassed for the way i acted. i told them i was really sorry but i was just nervous and they basically told me to stop acting like fucking idiot and embarrassing them. was i the asshole for that?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i honestly don't know if i'm an asshole or not but i'm pretty embarrassed by yesterday so while i know the goal of this sub is to be honest, i'm hoping people can also be polite...maybe? my brother got married yesterday afternoon. i love his wife and her family and it was a very nice wedding. her family was this super polite, in shape, well put together group that were all hugs, smiles and polite conversation. my family looked like momma june and her kin just rolled in from the holler and was ready trade opiates for crystal meth. it's probably not as bad as i'm making it but i just felt so ashamed of my family, embarrassed and out of place. when i get nervous, i eat. i was talking to my new sister-in-laws sister and she was telling me about all the amazing trips she's taken, going to pepperdide and how it looks out over the ocean and how she wants to be a doctor. there was a plate of shrimp next to us and i guess i ate pretty much the whole thing just because i was nervous. i honest to god didn't even realize it but when my brother (not the groom) pointed it out to me there was almost no shrimp left, a huge pile of the tails on my plate and the cocktail sauce was empty. my mom and dad pulled me aside and told me how much of a pig i was acting like. and they were seriously embarrassed for the way i acted. i told them i was really sorry but i was just nervous and they basically told me to stop acting like fucking idiot and embarrassing them. was i the asshole for that? [/INST] nta - at least you didn't eat over 3 feet of a 6 foot sub...because of course this brought that shit show to mind lol </s>
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AITA for "tricking" my boyfriends daughter into eating the ends on the bread?
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i 27f have been dating ben (32m) for two years now, ben has a 12 year old daughter sam. i met sam about a year ago and it didn't go very well at the beginning. sam not wanting someone to replace her mom (i am not trying to do that) and a whole problem of she still wants her parents to get back together. ben and her ex got divorced three years ago (50/50 custody). i am the first serious relationship with ben which makes it harder for sam.
sam and ben do therapy and it got better, i sometimes join for it but that is rare and it is by sam or ben invite. anyways it is better now, but sam has a habit of its it something i enjoy she likes to take it. an example is i love the color green sam does not but will go and grab my favorite color and there are none left. or if i say i can't wait to eat that leftover she will go and eat it. it is small petty stuff and really doesn't affect me in the long run but it can be annoying.
so last month i went to make a sandwich and the only thing left was the butt of the sandwich pieces, i was being sarcastic when i said i loved the end pieces, well sam heard that and from that point on she would go out of her way to eat the end pieces. it took me a while to get what she was doing and every time she would do it she would be miserable. she really hates the end pieces. i thought she would stop on her own since she didn't like it.
well today is when it blew up, i made some french toast and basically used half the loaf of bread. it was all well until sam asked why i didn't use the end pieces. i told her that i don't like eating them at all, she got shocked and started to freak out. she went on that i tricked her and ben took her side saying i shouldn't have tricked his kid, am a jerk and to get out.
i am shocked this was such a big deal and told my friend who thinks it is funny and that those two need to get over themselves
| 3,210 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xtx2hm/aita_for_tricking_my_boyfriends_daughter_into/
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2022-10-02 19:12:27
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nta you dodged a bullet. he said get out. take him at his word and leave a vapor trail. there is something unhealthy going on.
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nta. i think it’s hilarious, personally. she got punked for bratty behavior. not like the end pieces will harm anyone.
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nta - i can't believe ben didn't just laugh at sam and tell her that's what she gets for going out of her way to be a jerk. hahahaha. that's hilarious.
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nta
she's a brat and he enables her bratty behavior. he told you to get out over this??? run away. i mean this was kinda funny, he should've seen that. he's not ready for a relationship.
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nta - this is hilarious. hopefully sam forcing herself to eat end pieces of bread will be a wake-up call to her and your bf about how petty she is being. hating you isn’t going to make her parents reunite.
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nta at all. half of parenting (ok, not half) is tricking kids into doing what you want them to do, but making them think it was their idea. your only mistake was owning up to it. ben needs to lighten up, it's bread, not like you beat sam or force fed her.
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my dad used to claim he preferred the end pieces. so we left them for him to eat. just saying sam tricked herself. and there is absolutely nothing harmful about the ends of loaves of bread, good god, it's the same dough throughout. it's just more cooked on the outside. sam is acting way younger than 12. come to think of it, ben is too. nta
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nta- you didn’t make her eat the ends. she didn’t have to take things you enjoy. she made that decision on her own. she needs a wake up call and to grow up a little and stop being so petty.
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nta. daughter is old enough to play mind games with you; you played one on her. seems fair to me. boyfriend's overreaction (ordering you out) probably has saved you a lifetime of drama and grief.
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nta - honestly, they both sound exhausting. maybe time to go shopping for a new guy - one without a kid would be the best bet. i personally think what you did is hilarious and clever.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i 27f have been dating ben (32m) for two years now, ben has a 12 year old daughter sam. i met sam about a year ago and it didn't go very well at the beginning. sam not wanting someone to replace her mom (i am not trying to do that) and a whole problem of she still wants her parents to get back together. ben and her ex got divorced three years ago (50/50 custody). i am the first serious relationship with ben which makes it harder for sam. sam and ben do therapy and it got better, i sometimes join for it but that is rare and it is by sam or ben invite. anyways it is better now, but sam has a habit of its it something i enjoy she likes to take it. an example is i love the color green sam does not but will go and grab my favorite color and there are none left. or if i say i can't wait to eat that leftover she will go and eat it. it is small petty stuff and really doesn't affect me in the long run but it can be annoying. so last month i went to make a sandwich and the only thing left was the butt of the sandwich pieces, i was being sarcastic when i said i loved the end pieces, well sam heard that and from that point on she would go out of her way to eat the end pieces. it took me a while to get what she was doing and every time she would do it she would be miserable. she really hates the end pieces. i thought she would stop on her own since she didn't like it. well today is when it blew up, i made some french toast and basically used half the loaf of bread. it was all well until sam asked why i didn't use the end pieces. i told her that i don't like eating them at all, she got shocked and started to freak out. she went on that i tricked her and ben took her side saying i shouldn't have tricked his kid, am a jerk and to get out. i am shocked this was such a big deal and told my friend who thinks it is funny and that those two need to get over themselves
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i 27f have been dating ben (32m) for two years now, ben has a 12 year old daughter sam. i met sam about a year ago and it didn't go very well at the beginning. sam not wanting someone to replace her mom (i am not trying to do that) and a whole problem of she still wants her parents to get back together. ben and her ex got divorced three years ago (50/50 custody). i am the first serious relationship with ben which makes it harder for sam. sam and ben do therapy and it got better, i sometimes join for it but that is rare and it is by sam or ben invite. anyways it is better now, but sam has a habit of its it something i enjoy she likes to take it. an example is i love the color green sam does not but will go and grab my favorite color and there are none left. or if i say i can't wait to eat that leftover she will go and eat it. it is small petty stuff and really doesn't affect me in the long run but it can be annoying. so last month i went to make a sandwich and the only thing left was the butt of the sandwich pieces, i was being sarcastic when i said i loved the end pieces, well sam heard that and from that point on she would go out of her way to eat the end pieces. it took me a while to get what she was doing and every time she would do it she would be miserable. she really hates the end pieces. i thought she would stop on her own since she didn't like it. well today is when it blew up, i made some french toast and basically used half the loaf of bread. it was all well until sam asked why i didn't use the end pieces. i told her that i don't like eating them at all, she got shocked and started to freak out. she went on that i tricked her and ben took her side saying i shouldn't have tricked his kid, am a jerk and to get out. i am shocked this was such a big deal and told my friend who thinks it is funny and that those two need to get over themselves [/INST] nta you dodged a bullet. he said get out. take him at his word and leave a vapor trail. there is something unhealthy going on. </s>
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AITA for not paying for the gifts my girlfriend bought me while on vacation with her mom?
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so my girlfriend (25) has been on vacation the last 8 days in california. i (23) have been home working. throughout her trip she has called or texted me and been like, "do you want a sweatshirt?" and i was like sure, that's really sweet of you. later in the trip she wouldn't even ask she would say stuff like, "hey i just got you a t-shirt and hey i got you this figurine, etc."
i was really flattered that she was thinking of me and getting me little souvenirs through her trip across california.
she return tonight and i am picking her up from the airport. during our texts about the pick up details she told me how much i owe her for all the gifts. she even referred to them as gifts...
i told her that i thought they were gifts and that i wouldn't have agreed to anything had i know she was just wanting to shop for me. i also told her that i don't even know what all she got, and that if i knew that i was paying for it all i wouldn't have gotten anything because why would i purchase a bunch of souvenirs for a place i haven't been to? she said that i have my new job that pays well and she is unemployed hurting for money as she is finishing her degree so she thought i should be the one paying for these things because she can't afford it.
well her week away went from a draw out "i miss you" " can't wait to see you" "i hate being away from you this long" etc. to now she is very upset and things are awkwardly quiet between us now leading up to her pick up because i told her paying for the gifts is like waking up on christmas day, opening up all your presents and then your parents are like, "okay here are how much the gifts cost, please pay me soon" or something.
for extra context, i did just get a promotion. i was being paid $40,000/year with about $2,000 in bonuses annually. now i make $72,000 with $14,400 in bonuses annually. i haven't even received my new paycheck yet. i just started.
my girlfriend said she didn't want to work during this summer because the place she used to work at wasn't hiring anymore. i did suggest many places that were paying more but she said working there would ruin her summer because the hours weren't flexible and weren't part time. she has 3 more semesters remaining and said she will start working next summer and during her breaks, but is very stressed about money.
when we started seeing each other over a year ago we split everything. now i am becoming expected to pay for more and more. i pay for all of our dates and eating out. now occasionally i will be asked to buy all the groceries too if her budget is hurting. stuff like that.
i don't know, i just am feeling used and offended by this "gift" situation. am i the asshole?
tl;dr girlfriend bought me gifts during her vacation away and one her way back told me i needed to pay for them all. aita?
| 1,299 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p0eb0l/aita_for_not_paying_for_the_gifts_my_girlfriend/
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2021-08-08 13:05:31
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nta. this reeks of entitlement. let her know you are her bf and not atm. if she says you have to pay for the “gifts” then tell her she should keep them since she paid for them. problem solved, you don’t have them and you no longer have to pay. i think she probably bought more than she planned and figured this was a way to get her money back. it’s gross.
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nta
i can imagine someone doing this who has been on a holiday high, when they’ve returned home the realization of what they’ve spent and how little money they have for normal day to day life hits home. first thought is how and where can i recoup. this isn’t a good indication of respect or maturity on her behalf. do not pay for those gifts and do not subsidize her frivolous spending by buying dinners etc out of guilt. this isn’t a fair or balanced relationship dynamic.
also, your wage is your wage, it’s not your gfs disposable income. i’d be drawing a very firm and hard line in the sand about spending money, her reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
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nta. she is not a keeper, unless you want a sah mom with tons of student debt. you just had a glimpse into your future.
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you are being used. be very blunt and tell her that. if is not a huge amount ($500 or more) pay up and tell her that the gravy train has departed.
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nta. you should gift gf a dictionary so that she can learn the meaning of the word.
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nta and this is going to be a problem forever, because you are clearly ahead in the trajectory of your career and will likely always out earn her. think about if you want to be an atm for the rest of your life. financial issues are the #1 driver of divorce so not having the same values is a real problem before you even get really started. she has shown you her work ethic, believe what you see, not what she says.
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nta.
if this was an innocent misunderstanding of how the world works, you’ve helped her learn a lesson on that.
if she’s grooming you to be her sole support system so she can live a life of leisure, you’ve begun to set the necessary boundaries in order to prevent a horrible future as human atm.
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nta.
let me get this straight. gf refuses to get a job this summer when places are hiring everywhere. she goes on vacation...buys you gifts and then asks for the money. 😂🤣😂🤣😂
do you honestly see a future with this girl (not using the word woman as she does not sound like she acts like a grown up)?. my 16 yo has 2 pt jobs...volunteer work...multiple instrument practice...sat prep work....ap summer work and still finds time to chill and socialize with friends. your gf is entitled and spoilt.
good luck.
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nta. are you guys living together? if you aren't, i wouldn't do that any time soon. i worked every summer in college, except for my senior year (i wish i would have). she needs to get used to the idea of earning money and being independent, otherwise reality is going to bite her hard in the ass after she graduates.
i see major red flags here. you need an equal partner in life, not an adult baby.
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nta. but i would have a conversation with her in person to try and figure out how she arrived to the conclusion that you should pay for these things you didn’t ask for. a part of me feels like maybe whoever she was on vacation with suggested it. i’d also point out that she was on an 8 day vacation so like she can’t be hurting that bad for money. either way after the conversation decide what you want to do. maybe pay for the things you actually want or woulda picked out yourself. also set clear boundaries on finances and express how you feel because 72k is not nearly enough to be supporting 2 adult people.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my girlfriend (25) has been on vacation the last 8 days in california. i (23) have been home working. throughout her trip she has called or texted me and been like, "do you want a sweatshirt?" and i was like sure, that's really sweet of you. later in the trip she wouldn't even ask she would say stuff like, "hey i just got you a t-shirt and hey i got you this figurine, etc." i was really flattered that she was thinking of me and getting me little souvenirs through her trip across california. she return tonight and i am picking her up from the airport. during our texts about the pick up details she told me how much i owe her for all the gifts. she even referred to them as gifts... i told her that i thought they were gifts and that i wouldn't have agreed to anything had i know she was just wanting to shop for me. i also told her that i don't even know what all she got, and that if i knew that i was paying for it all i wouldn't have gotten anything because why would i purchase a bunch of souvenirs for a place i haven't been to? she said that i have my new job that pays well and she is unemployed hurting for money as she is finishing her degree so she thought i should be the one paying for these things because she can't afford it. well her week away went from a draw out "i miss you" " can't wait to see you" "i hate being away from you this long" etc. to now she is very upset and things are awkwardly quiet between us now leading up to her pick up because i told her paying for the gifts is like waking up on christmas day, opening up all your presents and then your parents are like, "okay here are how much the gifts cost, please pay me soon" or something. for extra context, i did just get a promotion. i was being paid $40,000/year with about $2,000 in bonuses annually. now i make $72,000 with $14,400 in bonuses annually. i haven't even received my new paycheck yet. i just started. my girlfriend said she didn't want to work during this summer because the place she used to work at wasn't hiring anymore. i did suggest many places that were paying more but she said working there would ruin her summer because the hours weren't flexible and weren't part time. she has 3 more semesters remaining and said she will start working next summer and during her breaks, but is very stressed about money. when we started seeing each other over a year ago we split everything. now i am becoming expected to pay for more and more. i pay for all of our dates and eating out. now occasionally i will be asked to buy all the groceries too if her budget is hurting. stuff like that. i don't know, i just am feeling used and offended by this "gift" situation. am i the asshole? tl;dr girlfriend bought me gifts during her vacation away and one her way back told me i needed to pay for them all. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my girlfriend (25) has been on vacation the last 8 days in california. i (23) have been home working. throughout her trip she has called or texted me and been like, "do you want a sweatshirt?" and i was like sure, that's really sweet of you. later in the trip she wouldn't even ask she would say stuff like, "hey i just got you a t-shirt and hey i got you this figurine, etc." i was really flattered that she was thinking of me and getting me little souvenirs through her trip across california. she return tonight and i am picking her up from the airport. during our texts about the pick up details she told me how much i owe her for all the gifts. she even referred to them as gifts... i told her that i thought they were gifts and that i wouldn't have agreed to anything had i know she was just wanting to shop for me. i also told her that i don't even know what all she got, and that if i knew that i was paying for it all i wouldn't have gotten anything because why would i purchase a bunch of souvenirs for a place i haven't been to? she said that i have my new job that pays well and she is unemployed hurting for money as she is finishing her degree so she thought i should be the one paying for these things because she can't afford it. well her week away went from a draw out "i miss you" " can't wait to see you" "i hate being away from you this long" etc. to now she is very upset and things are awkwardly quiet between us now leading up to her pick up because i told her paying for the gifts is like waking up on christmas day, opening up all your presents and then your parents are like, "okay here are how much the gifts cost, please pay me soon" or something. for extra context, i did just get a promotion. i was being paid $40,000/year with about $2,000 in bonuses annually. now i make $72,000 with $14,400 in bonuses annually. i haven't even received my new paycheck yet. i just started. my girlfriend said she didn't want to work during this summer because the place she used to work at wasn't hiring anymore. i did suggest many places that were paying more but she said working there would ruin her summer because the hours weren't flexible and weren't part time. she has 3 more semesters remaining and said she will start working next summer and during her breaks, but is very stressed about money. when we started seeing each other over a year ago we split everything. now i am becoming expected to pay for more and more. i pay for all of our dates and eating out. now occasionally i will be asked to buy all the groceries too if her budget is hurting. stuff like that. i don't know, i just am feeling used and offended by this "gift" situation. am i the asshole? tl;dr girlfriend bought me gifts during her vacation away and one her way back told me i needed to pay for them all. aita? [/INST] nta. this reeks of entitlement. let her know you are her bf and not atm. if she says you have to pay for the “gifts” then tell her she should keep them since she paid for them. problem solved, you don’t have them and you no longer have to pay. i think she probably bought more than she planned and figured this was a way to get her money back. it’s gross. </s>
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AITA For not giving my ex the login information for streaming apps even though it's for our kid
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my ex-gf (26f) and i (28m) have shared custody of our 3-year old daughter. our relationship was already strained during the pregnancy and we tried to make it work, but ended up splitting up shortly after our daughter turned one. honestly, i feel we are better coparents than we ever were partners. we have a court-ordered custody agreement because i insisted on it, my ex was fine with just trying to make it work ourselves, but i pretty much forced her to go thru the courts. she still holds this against me for some reason.
since we all live in the same town and our daughter is in daycare, she alternates between us every 2 weeks. i feel it works pretty well. my ex has been dating a guy for about over a year now and they've been thinking of moving in together. i know he spends a lot of time at their place already as he always seems to be there when i pick up or drop off my daughter. he seems like an ok guy but i haven't spent much time with him, he seems like he keeps to himself a lot.
my ex used to have access to all of the streaming services that i subscribed to. everything was in my name and paid for by me. but then i found out from my daughter that ex's bf had been giving the login information out to his friends and family. i confronted her about it and she said she would talk to him. but in the meantime, i changed all of the passwords.
she sent me a text about it a couple days later asking me about it. i told her i changed the passwords on everything because of her bf. she told me our daughter is throwing fits because she can't watch any of her favorite shows at their place now. i told her that's not my problem and it would be easily solved if she spent 10 minutes setting up her own accounts.
she told me i was being petty and punishing our daughter for something that her bf did and that i'm acting jealous because she is moving on and i'm not. i told her that her bf broke boundaries and proved that he is disrespectful to me. she told me to grow up and that i'm taking things away from our daughter and making things difficult for her (my ex) on purpose. she said she talked to her bf and he apologized but that doesn't change much to me because he already gave that info away to people i don't know.
she told me i should be working with her on this instead of working against her. she told me that i shouldn't be punishing our daughter for things that her bf did. i told her i'm not punishing our daughter, i'm protecting my information from a person (her bf) who i don't know well and who has proven himself to be less than trustworthy.
she told me i'm being an asshole about this for no reason other than i don't like that she's moved on. i told her that has nothing to do with it. i pay for those services and i don't want that info given out to people. that seems like a pretty basic level of respect to me.
| 883 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wjaojw/aita_for_not_giving_my_ex_the_login_information/
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2022-08-08 14:46:35
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nta. her boyfriend did something very disrespectful and now they’re finding out actions have consequences. it would have been petty to cut off their access just so he couldn’t watch, but cutting off because he was giving your info to ppl you don’t know is very reasonable.
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nta, and i very sincerely doubt that the one throwing the tantrum over not having free access to all the streaming platforms is the toddler.
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nta,
ask her if she's willing to pay half of these subscriptions. i bet she'll say no🤷♀️
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[deleted]
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nta. your daughter most certainly can watch all of her shows. you ex just needs to sign up for the necessary streaming services. and pay for them herself unless said services are listed in the custody agreement as being your responsibility to pay for.
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info: how did a 3 year old tell you her mom’s boyfriend was sharing your passwords?
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nta.
all bf needs to do is create his own accounts, pay the bills and he can be the household hero.
that being said, if the toddler is throwing tantrums because she can't watch the electronic babysitter,,. then maybe she needs more human loving from mom while over there
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nta and this seems like a strange hill to die on for your ex, considering it's like 10 bucks a month.
if you wanted to give a bit of leeway you could log in to your accounts on the device your daughter would be watching these things on. she gets to watch her shows and no-one has access to the password!
but after the rude comments from your ex i'd be reluctant to.
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nta. she can pay for her own account
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i was all prepared for a yta and here you go, being nta.
your ex is being ridiculous. honestly, it should be her responsibility for these things when your kid is with her, not yours. that’s an even split. i think you’re a nice guy and a good father, but that’s a bit much for anyone to accept.
also, let me say i’m so happy to hear you made her go through court for a parenting plan. when i first got together with my husband, his oldest was 2. we dated until she was 4 and moved in together. i told him and told him to get all of their parenting agreements in writing and filed with court. he said ‘no, we don’t need it. we can figure it out. we got this. it isn’t your business’
fast forward 10 years and she’s withholding their daughter until he signs paperwork that says he will pay $1k in child support, for all extra curricular activities, for all school expenses, medical expenses and a car and all that entails when she’s 16 as well as supervised visitation at her(his ex’s) house for 6 hours every other sunday if the family was available.
uh huh. and that’s why we ended up in court for 5 years and all the drama that went with it.
so glad to see a responsible, loving father protecting himself and his child. 👏🏻👏🏻
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.074074 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex-gf (26f) and i (28m) have shared custody of our 3-year old daughter. our relationship was already strained during the pregnancy and we tried to make it work, but ended up splitting up shortly after our daughter turned one. honestly, i feel we are better coparents than we ever were partners. we have a court-ordered custody agreement because i insisted on it, my ex was fine with just trying to make it work ourselves, but i pretty much forced her to go thru the courts. she still holds this against me for some reason. since we all live in the same town and our daughter is in daycare, she alternates between us every 2 weeks. i feel it works pretty well. my ex has been dating a guy for about over a year now and they've been thinking of moving in together. i know he spends a lot of time at their place already as he always seems to be there when i pick up or drop off my daughter. he seems like an ok guy but i haven't spent much time with him, he seems like he keeps to himself a lot. my ex used to have access to all of the streaming services that i subscribed to. everything was in my name and paid for by me. but then i found out from my daughter that ex's bf had been giving the login information out to his friends and family. i confronted her about it and she said she would talk to him. but in the meantime, i changed all of the passwords. she sent me a text about it a couple days later asking me about it. i told her i changed the passwords on everything because of her bf. she told me our daughter is throwing fits because she can't watch any of her favorite shows at their place now. i told her that's not my problem and it would be easily solved if she spent 10 minutes setting up her own accounts. she told me i was being petty and punishing our daughter for something that her bf did and that i'm acting jealous because she is moving on and i'm not. i told her that her bf broke boundaries and proved that he is disrespectful to me. she told me to grow up and that i'm taking things away from our daughter and making things difficult for her (my ex) on purpose. she said she talked to her bf and he apologized but that doesn't change much to me because he already gave that info away to people i don't know. she told me i should be working with her on this instead of working against her. she told me that i shouldn't be punishing our daughter for things that her bf did. i told her i'm not punishing our daughter, i'm protecting my information from a person (her bf) who i don't know well and who has proven himself to be less than trustworthy. she told me i'm being an asshole about this for no reason other than i don't like that she's moved on. i told her that has nothing to do with it. i pay for those services and i don't want that info given out to people. that seems like a pretty basic level of respect to me.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex-gf (26f) and i (28m) have shared custody of our 3-year old daughter. our relationship was already strained during the pregnancy and we tried to make it work, but ended up splitting up shortly after our daughter turned one. honestly, i feel we are better coparents than we ever were partners. we have a court-ordered custody agreement because i insisted on it, my ex was fine with just trying to make it work ourselves, but i pretty much forced her to go thru the courts. she still holds this against me for some reason. since we all live in the same town and our daughter is in daycare, she alternates between us every 2 weeks. i feel it works pretty well. my ex has been dating a guy for about over a year now and they've been thinking of moving in together. i know he spends a lot of time at their place already as he always seems to be there when i pick up or drop off my daughter. he seems like an ok guy but i haven't spent much time with him, he seems like he keeps to himself a lot. my ex used to have access to all of the streaming services that i subscribed to. everything was in my name and paid for by me. but then i found out from my daughter that ex's bf had been giving the login information out to his friends and family. i confronted her about it and she said she would talk to him. but in the meantime, i changed all of the passwords. she sent me a text about it a couple days later asking me about it. i told her i changed the passwords on everything because of her bf. she told me our daughter is throwing fits because she can't watch any of her favorite shows at their place now. i told her that's not my problem and it would be easily solved if she spent 10 minutes setting up her own accounts. she told me i was being petty and punishing our daughter for something that her bf did and that i'm acting jealous because she is moving on and i'm not. i told her that her bf broke boundaries and proved that he is disrespectful to me. she told me to grow up and that i'm taking things away from our daughter and making things difficult for her (my ex) on purpose. she said she talked to her bf and he apologized but that doesn't change much to me because he already gave that info away to people i don't know. she told me i should be working with her on this instead of working against her. she told me that i shouldn't be punishing our daughter for things that her bf did. i told her i'm not punishing our daughter, i'm protecting my information from a person (her bf) who i don't know well and who has proven himself to be less than trustworthy. she told me i'm being an asshole about this for no reason other than i don't like that she's moved on. i told her that has nothing to do with it. i pay for those services and i don't want that info given out to people. that seems like a pretty basic level of respect to me. [/INST] nta. her boyfriend did something very disrespectful and now they’re finding out actions have consequences. it would have been petty to cut off their access just so he couldn’t watch, but cutting off because he was giving your info to ppl you don’t know is very reasonable. </s>
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AITA for not getting my eyebrows waxed for a wedding?
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my best friend is getting married tomorrow, i’m the maid of honor. today we went to get mani pedis with the rest of the bridal party. when we arrived, the manicurist asked me if i wanted my eyebrows waxed too. i do have a slight unibrow that i’m not ashamed of. the women in my family are a little hairy and while i take care of my pits, legs and a few other areas, i leave my unibrow be.
i politely declined and my friend got a look about her. another bridesmaid with extra eyebrow hair had agreed. i said i’d shape them a bit on my own tomorrow but i’m good with how they are. my friend mentioned pictures and i said they wouldn’t effect them. she didn’t make a huge todo but i could tell she was upset. we broke apart for the afternoon and are meeting up later for a sleepover. i got a text from a few bridesmaids saying our friend is upset and i should surprise her by waxing my brow. i said no. they claim it’s one thing i can do, that’s relatively painless.
aita for refusing?
| 481 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nd5e2n/aita_for_not_getting_my_eyebrows_waxed_for_a/
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2021-05-15 18:34:06
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nta. your brow, your choice.
bridezilla needs to decide what's important to her: getting married in front of her friends and family or making sure that your grooming is the way she wants it.
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as someone who is incredibly vain about her own eyebrows, never wax the day before the event in case you get some redness and shine
if it mattered to the bride that much then she should have asked you privately in advance
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absolutely nta friends should not ask other friends to change themselves to fit in to their wedding. i feel so strongly about this because i was kicked out of a wedding for asking to wear flat shoes because i am disabled. i was disabled for the 8 years of friendship we had before she asked me to part of her wedding, so imo she shouldn’t have asked me to be there if it was a problem, in the same way your friend should not expect you to change who you are to fit her mould x x
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nta. i don’t get brides worrying so much over bridesmaids appearances. like if you’re worried about pics hire models to be your bridal party. if you want your friends there to support you then let them come as they are-eyebrows, tattoos, funky hair colors and all.
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nta - i had one bad brow “stylist” that it took me years to recover from. too big of a risk the day before a wedding even if you wanted to get your brows waxed. you’re doing the makeup and the hairstyle and the dress, but you’re keeping the face you’ve had your entire friendship. definitely nta. the peer pressuring friends are kind of being a h’s though.
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nta. they can get over themselves. you do you girl!
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nta
one of my bridesmaids has chest hair and i didn’t say a word to her about it. i was marrying the love of my life and all the people i love came to see me and the people i am closest to in this world stood up front with me. that is what matters. nobody gaf about anyone’s eyebrows.
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nta
waxing *hurts*. "relatively painless" is not the same as "painless."
it is not ah to want to avoid physical pain, and it is ah for someone else to demand that you do something *physically painful* for the sake of appearances.
plus, waxing can leave a rash or irritation, that would be far more troublesome in pictures than a few eyebrow hairs.
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nta. your friend didn't say anything in the moment because she knows it's a terrible, shallow thing to do to ask someone to change their body for her pictures. if it was ok, she would have just said it instead of letting the other bridesmaids do it for her.
she should be ashamed of even thinking it, but at least she's not being a bridezilla about it.
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nta
i am also a hairy woman, and my facial hair is kinda wild, eyebrows included.
i have no idea how i would deal with someone i care about telling me to wax my eyebrows, but you're absolutely not an asshole for saying no to having them waxed.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my best friend is getting married tomorrow, i’m the maid of honor. today we went to get mani pedis with the rest of the bridal party. when we arrived, the manicurist asked me if i wanted my eyebrows waxed too. i do have a slight unibrow that i’m not ashamed of. the women in my family are a little hairy and while i take care of my pits, legs and a few other areas, i leave my unibrow be. i politely declined and my friend got a look about her. another bridesmaid with extra eyebrow hair had agreed. i said i’d shape them a bit on my own tomorrow but i’m good with how they are. my friend mentioned pictures and i said they wouldn’t effect them. she didn’t make a huge todo but i could tell she was upset. we broke apart for the afternoon and are meeting up later for a sleepover. i got a text from a few bridesmaids saying our friend is upset and i should surprise her by waxing my brow. i said no. they claim it’s one thing i can do, that’s relatively painless. aita for refusing?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my best friend is getting married tomorrow, i’m the maid of honor. today we went to get mani pedis with the rest of the bridal party. when we arrived, the manicurist asked me if i wanted my eyebrows waxed too. i do have a slight unibrow that i’m not ashamed of. the women in my family are a little hairy and while i take care of my pits, legs and a few other areas, i leave my unibrow be. i politely declined and my friend got a look about her. another bridesmaid with extra eyebrow hair had agreed. i said i’d shape them a bit on my own tomorrow but i’m good with how they are. my friend mentioned pictures and i said they wouldn’t effect them. she didn’t make a huge todo but i could tell she was upset. we broke apart for the afternoon and are meeting up later for a sleepover. i got a text from a few bridesmaids saying our friend is upset and i should surprise her by waxing my brow. i said no. they claim it’s one thing i can do, that’s relatively painless. aita for refusing? [/INST] nta. your brow, your choice. bridezilla needs to decide what's important to her: getting married in front of her friends and family or making sure that your grooming is the way she wants it. </s>
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AITA for suggesting my family and I go out for my birthday dinner instead of having my grandmother cook for me?
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the title may make me seem like an asshole straight off the bat because who doesn’t like a nice home cooked meal from sweet little grams? but hear me out.
to start off my grandmother is very health conscious. i’m talking about giving me dieting recipe books for christmas, tangerines and raisins for the trick-or-treat kids, and “family meetings” about my weight and health.
i’d feel very self-conscious when either my grandmother and i or the whole family were out at dinner at a restaurant and my grandma would make little comments such as “hmm that has a lot of calories” “woah that’s a lot of sugar”.
the most embarrassing would be when my plate finally came out and she would literally blurt out “holy cow” because my portion of food was rather large. and then she would say “you should save some of that to go”
growing up, candy was banned from my grandmothers house, if my brother and i wanted a snack from the store, she first had to thoroughly look at the nutrition label to decide.
now that you have an idea of how health conscious my grandma is, i’ll get to the point. my birthday is almost coming up, now i am not the skinniest, but i’ve been busting my ass these past few months trying to get healthy. signing up for gym memberships, walking my dog for no less than 30mins daily, counting calories, spending nearly all of my paycheck on fruit, veggies, and other healthy snacks.
so i said, why not treat myself for my birthday? the original plan was dinner at my grandmother’s house. roasted chicken, vegetables as sides and fruit salad as dessert.
well, like i said i’ve remained consistent with my healthily diet but it is a time of celebration and i am not concerned about eating healthy. honestly, i want my favorite thing from the cheesecake factory, the mac & cheese burger with strawberry shortcake as dessert.
so i suggested this option instead of dinner at my grandmother’s and when i was asked why, i told the honest truth but in a respectful way, i also said i’d rather not have a birthday dinner at all if they didn’t want to. now everyone is ganging up on me calling me ungrateful and unappreciative, and my grandmother’s feelings are now hurt.
usually, i’m a very just go with the flow and agreeable type of person. but since it’s my birthday, i thought i got to make the plans.
so aita?
tl;dr i suggested for my birthday, my family and i go out to my favorite restaurant instead of having my health conscious grandmother cook for me. told everyone the reason why i didn’t want a home cooked meal and rather not have a dinner at all if they didn’t want to go out and got called ungrateful and that i’ve hurt my grandmother’s feelings.
| 576 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p9dct6/aita_for_suggesting_my_family_and_i_go_out_for_my/
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2021-08-22 14:25:00
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nta. it’s your birthday, you can go where you want for whatever reason you want.
that said, i can completely understand why you wouldn’t want to have your birthday dinner at the home of someone as judgmental as your grandmother. yes, your grandmother’s feeling may be hurt, but has she ever considered how her constant nagging and her constant comments have hurt the feeling of those around her?
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family meetings about your weight? yikes. nta. i’d get seriously tired of hearing comments about what i choose to eat.
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nta and your grandmother isn’t “health conscious”, she is diet-obsessive and she is rude. who gets mad at the birthday person for wanting to eat what they want to eat?
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nta.
tell them nobody is stopping them from doing what they want. you are also allowed to do what you want, especially on your birthday.
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nta. your birthday, your choice. tell them the cheesecake factory is your choice and whoever wants to join you is welcome. ask friends if the family isn't up for it. and enjoy your birthday!
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nta.. i was ready to say yta imagining a sweet old granny baking you your fav cake but no by all means your granny must be sweet but the food sure isn’t. the key to being consistent are these little treats and what better way to go all out than your special day.
enjoy your day how you want. you will be grateful and happier by the end.
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nta. there's being health conscious and then there's being an interfering old bag, and your grandmother has crossed that line. family meetings about your weight? remarking at full volume in public because the amount on your plate doesn't meet with her approval? not normal behaviour and not something you should be expected to tolerate. your weight is your business and yours alone.
have the meal you want for your birthday. don't allow anyone to spoil it for you.
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nta but i would go eat your dream birthday meal **without** grandma. she’s going to be absolutely rude and merciless in trying to make you feel bad. ps - these aren’t the signs of someone concerned about health, it’s orthorexia and bordering on abuse. assuming your pediatrician wasn’t concerned about your weight, there is absolutely no excuse to have “family meetings” about an 8 year old’s weight. don’t let her issues around food become yours!
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nta. it’s your birthday dinner. i would maybe understand your grandma being insulted if she were offering to make your favorite meal or something and you didn’t want it, but she literally just wants to cook the food she likes to eat/thinks you should eat for your birthday.
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nta - what about granny thinking about your feelings throughout your developmental years before she talks about her own feelings again
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the title may make me seem like an asshole straight off the bat because who doesn’t like a nice home cooked meal from sweet little grams? but hear me out. to start off my grandmother is very health conscious. i’m talking about giving me dieting recipe books for christmas, tangerines and raisins for the trick-or-treat kids, and “family meetings” about my weight and health. i’d feel very self-conscious when either my grandmother and i or the whole family were out at dinner at a restaurant and my grandma would make little comments such as “hmm that has a lot of calories” “woah that’s a lot of sugar”. the most embarrassing would be when my plate finally came out and she would literally blurt out “holy cow” because my portion of food was rather large. and then she would say “you should save some of that to go” growing up, candy was banned from my grandmothers house, if my brother and i wanted a snack from the store, she first had to thoroughly look at the nutrition label to decide. now that you have an idea of how health conscious my grandma is, i’ll get to the point. my birthday is almost coming up, now i am not the skinniest, but i’ve been busting my ass these past few months trying to get healthy. signing up for gym memberships, walking my dog for no less than 30mins daily, counting calories, spending nearly all of my paycheck on fruit, veggies, and other healthy snacks. so i said, why not treat myself for my birthday? the original plan was dinner at my grandmother’s house. roasted chicken, vegetables as sides and fruit salad as dessert. well, like i said i’ve remained consistent with my healthily diet but it is a time of celebration and i am not concerned about eating healthy. honestly, i want my favorite thing from the cheesecake factory, the mac & cheese burger with strawberry shortcake as dessert. so i suggested this option instead of dinner at my grandmother’s and when i was asked why, i told the honest truth but in a respectful way, i also said i’d rather not have a birthday dinner at all if they didn’t want to. now everyone is ganging up on me calling me ungrateful and unappreciative, and my grandmother’s feelings are now hurt. usually, i’m a very just go with the flow and agreeable type of person. but since it’s my birthday, i thought i got to make the plans. so aita? tl;dr i suggested for my birthday, my family and i go out to my favorite restaurant instead of having my health conscious grandmother cook for me. told everyone the reason why i didn’t want a home cooked meal and rather not have a dinner at all if they didn’t want to go out and got called ungrateful and that i’ve hurt my grandmother’s feelings.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the title may make me seem like an asshole straight off the bat because who doesn’t like a nice home cooked meal from sweet little grams? but hear me out. to start off my grandmother is very health conscious. i’m talking about giving me dieting recipe books for christmas, tangerines and raisins for the trick-or-treat kids, and “family meetings” about my weight and health. i’d feel very self-conscious when either my grandmother and i or the whole family were out at dinner at a restaurant and my grandma would make little comments such as “hmm that has a lot of calories” “woah that’s a lot of sugar”. the most embarrassing would be when my plate finally came out and she would literally blurt out “holy cow” because my portion of food was rather large. and then she would say “you should save some of that to go” growing up, candy was banned from my grandmothers house, if my brother and i wanted a snack from the store, she first had to thoroughly look at the nutrition label to decide. now that you have an idea of how health conscious my grandma is, i’ll get to the point. my birthday is almost coming up, now i am not the skinniest, but i’ve been busting my ass these past few months trying to get healthy. signing up for gym memberships, walking my dog for no less than 30mins daily, counting calories, spending nearly all of my paycheck on fruit, veggies, and other healthy snacks. so i said, why not treat myself for my birthday? the original plan was dinner at my grandmother’s house. roasted chicken, vegetables as sides and fruit salad as dessert. well, like i said i’ve remained consistent with my healthily diet but it is a time of celebration and i am not concerned about eating healthy. honestly, i want my favorite thing from the cheesecake factory, the mac & cheese burger with strawberry shortcake as dessert. so i suggested this option instead of dinner at my grandmother’s and when i was asked why, i told the honest truth but in a respectful way, i also said i’d rather not have a birthday dinner at all if they didn’t want to. now everyone is ganging up on me calling me ungrateful and unappreciative, and my grandmother’s feelings are now hurt. usually, i’m a very just go with the flow and agreeable type of person. but since it’s my birthday, i thought i got to make the plans. so aita? tl;dr i suggested for my birthday, my family and i go out to my favorite restaurant instead of having my health conscious grandmother cook for me. told everyone the reason why i didn’t want a home cooked meal and rather not have a dinner at all if they didn’t want to go out and got called ungrateful and that i’ve hurt my grandmother’s feelings. [/INST] nta. it’s your birthday, you can go where you want for whatever reason you want. that said, i can completely understand why you wouldn’t want to have your birthday dinner at the home of someone as judgmental as your grandmother. yes, your grandmother’s feeling may be hurt, but has she ever considered how her constant nagging and her constant comments have hurt the feeling of those around her? </s>
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AITA for being upset for what my FIL said about my stepdaughter?
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update!!
thank you everyone for your kind words! my husband and i tried to talk with my in laws about their behavior. my mil spiraled and began yelling at us. she said that if we cannot accept my fil for who he is, we never loved him in the first place. my fil then jumped all over us saying more disrespectful things and said we do not deserve an apology. the whole thing because very dramatic on my in law’s part and ended with my mil yelling “f&$k you” to my husband. we have decided to listen to you all and we will be going nc with them. this only upset my mil further, saying that we’re taking her grandchild away from her. she them promptly blocked us on everything. so as a result, we will not be allowing my in laws to see our daughter. i don’t believe that this can be resolved or fixed. thank you all for your input!
original post:
i (28f) have been married to my (34m) husband for 3 years now, together for 6. my husband has a 14 year old daughter from his first marriage, who i absolutely adore. the first 5 years of our relationship, i had a great relationship with my in laws. we spent a lot of time with them and saw them every weekend. the issue started two weeks ago when my fil asked about my stepdaughter’s soccer team and the workouts that she goes through. i explained her very busy soccer schedule and he then said that we need to make her run more because she is fat. for reference, my stepdaughter is 5’3 and 125lbs. she’s very athletic and plays multiple sports. i was incredibly offended by this and said “excuse me?” he then repeated it multiple times. i told him that he will not speak about our daughter that way and i hung up on him. i told my husband what happened and he confronted his dad. it turned into a huge argument because he did not see an issue with this statement. my mil got involved as well and was originally on our side of things. it’s now been 2 weeks since this incident. both of my in laws are now saying that we’re overreacting and dramatic about the situation. she also said that we need to be better parents because we’re teaching her to be dramatic. aita?
| 734 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yi0kmy/aita_for_being_upset_for_what_my_fil_said_about/
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2022-10-31 04:22:02
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nta. good on you for standing up for the step daughter. i don't know if she is aware of all those but i assure you it would mean a lot to her knowing you stood up for her.
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nta and i would either go low or no contact with them until they apologize and actually mean it. 125 for someone who is 5'3'' is not fat, you can be up to 140 at that height and still not be fat.
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nta
nice to see a "good stepmother" story here. you did everything right.
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nta. what might he say to her face? my daughter is about the same size and there's nothing overweight about her. but, even of there was, a grandfather should not be the one pointing it out. this whole thing miles me uncomfortable. very, very sad if a family breaks up over this but i can't imagine letting my daughter be around someone like that.
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nta.
please keep them away from your stepdaughter until you can see a real change in their attitude. if they don't get it, start sending them statistics on eating disorders and body dysmorphia. she's perfectly healthy and there's no reason to have adults around her who want to bully her about her body, especially adults who should love her exactly how she is.
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nta
how much does fil weigh?
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who calls their grandchildren fat?
fat shaming a child is bullshit. nta he needs to apologize to his grandchild.
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nta.
i was your step daughter when i was little. family members often commented on my weight, not even in a very offensive way, but just made passing comments about how i was heavier than the other family kids etc. when you’re a kid you hear all these comments and they can change your perception of yourself. for a developing and growing child, words really matter.
i’m nearly in my 40s and still have issues with my body image that effect my daily life.
thank you thank you thank you for standing up for your daughter. you and your husband are good parents and she is so lucky to have you in her life lifting her up.
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125 lbs 5’3” is not fat. nta and even if she was over weight not his place to say anything.
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nta. you're being a good mother and literally saving your child from body dysmorphia. this is how it develops. i weigh almost 100 lbs and i am 5 ft. my father would body shame my sisters (who were not overweight but chubbier) and even though now i am not overweight i still have mild body dysmorphia. i skip meals. i do not eat for the whole day sometimes. words settle in. i am so glad you are protecting your daughter. also, build her mindset around "being healthy" not "looking slim". you got this <3
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: update!! thank you everyone for your kind words! my husband and i tried to talk with my in laws about their behavior. my mil spiraled and began yelling at us. she said that if we cannot accept my fil for who he is, we never loved him in the first place. my fil then jumped all over us saying more disrespectful things and said we do not deserve an apology. the whole thing because very dramatic on my in law’s part and ended with my mil yelling “f&$k you” to my husband. we have decided to listen to you all and we will be going nc with them. this only upset my mil further, saying that we’re taking her grandchild away from her. she them promptly blocked us on everything. so as a result, we will not be allowing my in laws to see our daughter. i don’t believe that this can be resolved or fixed. thank you all for your input! original post: i (28f) have been married to my (34m) husband for 3 years now, together for 6. my husband has a 14 year old daughter from his first marriage, who i absolutely adore. the first 5 years of our relationship, i had a great relationship with my in laws. we spent a lot of time with them and saw them every weekend. the issue started two weeks ago when my fil asked about my stepdaughter’s soccer team and the workouts that she goes through. i explained her very busy soccer schedule and he then said that we need to make her run more because she is fat. for reference, my stepdaughter is 5’3 and 125lbs. she’s very athletic and plays multiple sports. i was incredibly offended by this and said “excuse me?” he then repeated it multiple times. i told him that he will not speak about our daughter that way and i hung up on him. i told my husband what happened and he confronted his dad. it turned into a huge argument because he did not see an issue with this statement. my mil got involved as well and was originally on our side of things. it’s now been 2 weeks since this incident. both of my in laws are now saying that we’re overreacting and dramatic about the situation. she also said that we need to be better parents because we’re teaching her to be dramatic. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
update!! thank you everyone for your kind words! my husband and i tried to talk with my in laws about their behavior. my mil spiraled and began yelling at us. she said that if we cannot accept my fil for who he is, we never loved him in the first place. my fil then jumped all over us saying more disrespectful things and said we do not deserve an apology. the whole thing because very dramatic on my in law’s part and ended with my mil yelling “f&$k you” to my husband. we have decided to listen to you all and we will be going nc with them. this only upset my mil further, saying that we’re taking her grandchild away from her. she them promptly blocked us on everything. so as a result, we will not be allowing my in laws to see our daughter. i don’t believe that this can be resolved or fixed. thank you all for your input! original post: i (28f) have been married to my (34m) husband for 3 years now, together for 6. my husband has a 14 year old daughter from his first marriage, who i absolutely adore. the first 5 years of our relationship, i had a great relationship with my in laws. we spent a lot of time with them and saw them every weekend. the issue started two weeks ago when my fil asked about my stepdaughter’s soccer team and the workouts that she goes through. i explained her very busy soccer schedule and he then said that we need to make her run more because she is fat. for reference, my stepdaughter is 5’3 and 125lbs. she’s very athletic and plays multiple sports. i was incredibly offended by this and said “excuse me?” he then repeated it multiple times. i told him that he will not speak about our daughter that way and i hung up on him. i told my husband what happened and he confronted his dad. it turned into a huge argument because he did not see an issue with this statement. my mil got involved as well and was originally on our side of things. it’s now been 2 weeks since this incident. both of my in laws are now saying that we’re overreacting and dramatic about the situation. she also said that we need to be better parents because we’re teaching her to be dramatic. aita? [/INST] nta. good on you for standing up for the step daughter. i don't know if she is aware of all those but i assure you it would mean a lot to her knowing you stood up for her. </s>
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AITA for shouting at my parents because the forgot me at church
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story goes basically as the title says.
so it's sunday and my parents and i attend church because we're serving in ministries.(my other family members already attended that day so they didn't follow).
so after service ends, i stay back to clean up the area and keep sound equipment. when i exit church, i notice my parents were no where to be found and so was their car.
i call them 5 times each, and they don't pick up. so i call my brother and tell him i decided to walk home. as i'm walking home, about 10mins into the walk, my father comes with an umbrella to bring me to the car. the laugh it off but don't apologise and just claim they were talking to their friends and therefore forgot me. i should probably also mention it was raining heavily and they had drove about 5 minutes and only stopped when my brother called them. they didn't even call me at this point.
we reach home and i'm pissed. they didn't apologise and even laughed at the fact i had decided to walk home in the pouring rain. my mom tells me to get changed in a very matter-of-fact manner, and i reply in an annoyed tone. my father loses his cool and shouts at me. telling me it was very disrespectful. i point out hee forgot his fucking son at church because he was talking to friends and he plays it of as not a big deal. i argue it was a big deal that he forget his fucking flesh and blood.
he gets angry that i challenge him and shouts at me even more and at this point ive snapped. i pointed out to him that im not allowed to forget chores but he's allowed to forget his son. he shouts even more talking about how he's forgotten my other siblings in school before and they've never complained.
| 506 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ekbsk0/aita_for_shouting_at_my_parents_because_the/
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2020-01-05 11:17:11
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nta. everyday it irks me that parents will forget their own culpability in a situation as long as the child says something “disrespectful”.
no matter what they do, as long as the kid say’s something disrespectful to them, nothing else matters. my kids not old enough for that but the mindset is terrifying. you got left alone, you have every right to be upset.
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nta shit happens...but it likely washes away quickly if the apologize right away. the fact they never answered your calls but did your brother's is concerning
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nta. what the fuck is wrong with people that can't muster a simple "i'm sorry"?
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nta. "i've forgotten my other kids, so it's okay if i forget you!"
says it all imo.
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nta. some parents seem to forget that their kids are people. any person would be upset about being forgotten, calls ignored, and left to walk. an apology was in order, and you expressing displeasure at receiving no apology for this is understandable. if they want respect as authorities, they need to show you respect as a human being
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nta. how many times did they ignore your call? you could have been calling for an emergency and allegedly that conversation was more titillating than their child.
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nta. they’re you’re parents and shouldn’t be forgetting you! and then laughing at you to top it off? wtf, that sucks.
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nta. your parents are messed up to think it's totally fine to forget their kids somewhere.
when i was a kid (in france), we had a field trip to greece for a few days, about 60 kids (including my twin sister), two teachers, and two parents (including my dad).
yet... they completely forgot me at a restaurant. i was the last one to go to the bathroom, and when i got out, the bus was gone. so i was alone, didn't speak one word of greek or english. it took them about 15 minutes to come back.
you're absolutely right to be angry.
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> he's forgotten my other siblings in school before and they've never complained
lmao, in what world is that a valid excuse?
nta, and i’m sorry your dad is like that.
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the irony of you all going to church is not lost on me.... hahahahahaha
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: story goes basically as the title says. so it's sunday and my parents and i attend church because we're serving in ministries.(my other family members already attended that day so they didn't follow). so after service ends, i stay back to clean up the area and keep sound equipment. when i exit church, i notice my parents were no where to be found and so was their car. i call them 5 times each, and they don't pick up. so i call my brother and tell him i decided to walk home. as i'm walking home, about 10mins into the walk, my father comes with an umbrella to bring me to the car. the laugh it off but don't apologise and just claim they were talking to their friends and therefore forgot me. i should probably also mention it was raining heavily and they had drove about 5 minutes and only stopped when my brother called them. they didn't even call me at this point. we reach home and i'm pissed. they didn't apologise and even laughed at the fact i had decided to walk home in the pouring rain. my mom tells me to get changed in a very matter-of-fact manner, and i reply in an annoyed tone. my father loses his cool and shouts at me. telling me it was very disrespectful. i point out hee forgot his fucking son at church because he was talking to friends and he plays it of as not a big deal. i argue it was a big deal that he forget his fucking flesh and blood. he gets angry that i challenge him and shouts at me even more and at this point ive snapped. i pointed out to him that im not allowed to forget chores but he's allowed to forget his son. he shouts even more talking about how he's forgotten my other siblings in school before and they've never complained.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
story goes basically as the title says. so it's sunday and my parents and i attend church because we're serving in ministries.(my other family members already attended that day so they didn't follow). so after service ends, i stay back to clean up the area and keep sound equipment. when i exit church, i notice my parents were no where to be found and so was their car. i call them 5 times each, and they don't pick up. so i call my brother and tell him i decided to walk home. as i'm walking home, about 10mins into the walk, my father comes with an umbrella to bring me to the car. the laugh it off but don't apologise and just claim they were talking to their friends and therefore forgot me. i should probably also mention it was raining heavily and they had drove about 5 minutes and only stopped when my brother called them. they didn't even call me at this point. we reach home and i'm pissed. they didn't apologise and even laughed at the fact i had decided to walk home in the pouring rain. my mom tells me to get changed in a very matter-of-fact manner, and i reply in an annoyed tone. my father loses his cool and shouts at me. telling me it was very disrespectful. i point out hee forgot his fucking son at church because he was talking to friends and he plays it of as not a big deal. i argue it was a big deal that he forget his fucking flesh and blood. he gets angry that i challenge him and shouts at me even more and at this point ive snapped. i pointed out to him that im not allowed to forget chores but he's allowed to forget his son. he shouts even more talking about how he's forgotten my other siblings in school before and they've never complained. [/INST] nta. everyday it irks me that parents will forget their own culpability in a situation as long as the child says something “disrespectful”. no matter what they do, as long as the kid say’s something disrespectful to them, nothing else matters. my kids not old enough for that but the mindset is terrifying. you got left alone, you have every right to be upset. </s>
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AITA for renovating my FIL's former home?
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last year, my husband and i purchased his stepdad's former home. for context, his stepdad married his mom only about 5 years ago, at which point he moved in to the larger home she owned. he had been previously married and his wife had passed away from cancer many years ago. they did not have any children together, but his former home held many memories of their life together.
my husband and i have a good relationship with fil and earlier this year, he mentioned that he was planning to put his former home on the market, as property values in the area have skyrocketed. he offered to allow us to buy it for the appraised value, but suggested that he would partially pay the downpayment with a gift of equity. we were grateful, as this allowed us to buy a home that we otherwise could not have afforded.
all seemed well until fil and mil visited us for the first time for easter. we have done several small renovations, mostly just with paint, but the most drastic change was to the kitchen. he admittedly had a very nice kitchen, but it was not to our taste. we changed out the backsplash, countertop, and refinished the cabinets. all of this was diy as my husband works as a carpenter and is skilled in these areas, so cost was just for materials.
fil was very upset when he saw the changes we made. he was unusually quiet through dinner, but before leaving he told my husband he was disappointed that we made these changes without telling him. he felt that we had betrayed him, and that he would not have offered the gift of equity if he had known we were going to "gut" his home. this was hurtful to hear as we did not think the gift came with conditions, and fil also made a considerable profit even after the 5% gift.
i personally feel that if he had sold it to anyone else, they would have every right to renovate however they see fit. it also wasn't as if we had trashed his home, and the changes we've made are very carefully and professionally done. i can understand that it may have been a shock to see somewhere that you've made a lot of memories looking different, and think maybe we should have showed him the changes along the way, but am i really the asshole for changing my home without the former owner's permission?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u77jqf/aita_for_renovating_my_fils_former_home/
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2022-04-19 15:16:04
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nta
when you bought the place, it became your home and was no longer his. it's not reasonable to expect someone to keep their newly purchased house in original condition, it's not a museum piece. it's your home.
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nta, it is your home - but maybe fil can be forgiven for his poor reaction since we was presumably caught off guard and had an emotional reaction that would have been avoided if you had mentioned the changes before he came over? not that you "owed" him that, but i can sympathize with his feelings if this was a one-time slip up.
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nta and he is being ridiculous. of course you are going to make changes to your new home.
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nta
it’s no longer his home. he could’ve kept that to himself.
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nta. 1. how were you supposed to know he didn't want any changes made?
2. if someone else had bought the home, what would he have done? go to a stranger and ask them why they changed a house they bought?
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nta. you are not required to maintain the home as a shrine to the kitchen his late wife picked out.
he is just upset that in his mind he could play pretend and thing the house was always going to stay the way she made it, and with you owning it, he doesnt have that mental plausible deniability.
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nta
he is still emotionally attached to the house he shared with his late wife. he needs counselling. the house is your home now and you both can change it as you want without prior premission or giving him warning.
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nta. he doesn't own it anymore. it's not his concern.
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nta- as you said if someone else bought the house they would have done the same. he never said you couldn't change the house otherwise you probably wouldn't have bought it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last year, my husband and i purchased his stepdad's former home. for context, his stepdad married his mom only about 5 years ago, at which point he moved in to the larger home she owned. he had been previously married and his wife had passed away from cancer many years ago. they did not have any children together, but his former home held many memories of their life together. my husband and i have a good relationship with fil and earlier this year, he mentioned that he was planning to put his former home on the market, as property values in the area have skyrocketed. he offered to allow us to buy it for the appraised value, but suggested that he would partially pay the downpayment with a gift of equity. we were grateful, as this allowed us to buy a home that we otherwise could not have afforded. all seemed well until fil and mil visited us for the first time for easter. we have done several small renovations, mostly just with paint, but the most drastic change was to the kitchen. he admittedly had a very nice kitchen, but it was not to our taste. we changed out the backsplash, countertop, and refinished the cabinets. all of this was diy as my husband works as a carpenter and is skilled in these areas, so cost was just for materials. fil was very upset when he saw the changes we made. he was unusually quiet through dinner, but before leaving he told my husband he was disappointed that we made these changes without telling him. he felt that we had betrayed him, and that he would not have offered the gift of equity if he had known we were going to "gut" his home. this was hurtful to hear as we did not think the gift came with conditions, and fil also made a considerable profit even after the 5% gift. i personally feel that if he had sold it to anyone else, they would have every right to renovate however they see fit. it also wasn't as if we had trashed his home, and the changes we've made are very carefully and professionally done. i can understand that it may have been a shock to see somewhere that you've made a lot of memories looking different, and think maybe we should have showed him the changes along the way, but am i really the asshole for changing my home without the former owner's permission?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last year, my husband and i purchased his stepdad's former home. for context, his stepdad married his mom only about 5 years ago, at which point he moved in to the larger home she owned. he had been previously married and his wife had passed away from cancer many years ago. they did not have any children together, but his former home held many memories of their life together. my husband and i have a good relationship with fil and earlier this year, he mentioned that he was planning to put his former home on the market, as property values in the area have skyrocketed. he offered to allow us to buy it for the appraised value, but suggested that he would partially pay the downpayment with a gift of equity. we were grateful, as this allowed us to buy a home that we otherwise could not have afforded. all seemed well until fil and mil visited us for the first time for easter. we have done several small renovations, mostly just with paint, but the most drastic change was to the kitchen. he admittedly had a very nice kitchen, but it was not to our taste. we changed out the backsplash, countertop, and refinished the cabinets. all of this was diy as my husband works as a carpenter and is skilled in these areas, so cost was just for materials. fil was very upset when he saw the changes we made. he was unusually quiet through dinner, but before leaving he told my husband he was disappointed that we made these changes without telling him. he felt that we had betrayed him, and that he would not have offered the gift of equity if he had known we were going to "gut" his home. this was hurtful to hear as we did not think the gift came with conditions, and fil also made a considerable profit even after the 5% gift. i personally feel that if he had sold it to anyone else, they would have every right to renovate however they see fit. it also wasn't as if we had trashed his home, and the changes we've made are very carefully and professionally done. i can understand that it may have been a shock to see somewhere that you've made a lot of memories looking different, and think maybe we should have showed him the changes along the way, but am i really the asshole for changing my home without the former owner's permission? [/INST] nta when you bought the place, it became your home and was no longer his. it's not reasonable to expect someone to keep their newly purchased house in original condition, it's not a museum piece. it's your home. </s>
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AITA for calling my heavily pregnant daughter ungrateful?
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i got pregnant as a teenager. both me and my boyfriend (now husband) john were kicked out of our homes, and had to find a place. we did but rent and bills were a struggle. he worked very long hours, and i pretty much worked through my pregnancy and was back at work days after our daughter laura was born. i used to have to hand her to friends/relatives to look after, which i hated.
john worked hard in construction and learned many trades which pay him very well. i studied part-time for an accounting degree while working and now work in that field. we were able to give laura a comfortable upbringing and also make time to give her the love and support she needed growing up, but i will always regret the time i never got to spend with my newborn.
laura is now 33. she studied medicine, worked her way up through the field and is already in a high ranked position. she is beautiful and we're very proud of her. she met a lovely man, tom, they got married and she's now nine months pregnant.
i visited them yesterday. laura has been on maternity leave the last few months, but she said something i found shocking. once the baby is born, she's intending on returning to work at the earliest possible opportunity, likely days after the baby is born.
laura said she misses work and while she's very excited about becoming a mother, she can't wait to get back to doing what she loves.
that wasn't the only reason. i'll be honest to say that we did spoil laura when she was growing up. she is very materialistic and loves fashion, makeup, shoes etc. she said she misses looking glamorous/professional and wants to ''feel beautiful'' again. she's too swollen to wear heels which she's very frustrated about, and has been wearing tom's t shirts everywhere.
i was so annoyed at what she said. she could easily take a good few months off but is choosing not to. it's not that the baby won't be looked after. tom is working from home at the moment and will be for the foreseeable future. but pregnancy is physically and mentally exhausting. i won't pretend to know anything about what she does, but someone with her knowledge should be fully aware that she won't be in a fit state to do such complex work immediately after birth.
i've told laura for years that my biggest regret is not spending more time with her when she was newborn. laura didn't listen to anything i said and continued with the shallow, materialistic excuses. i was so upset i told her she was an ungrateful brat who never understood the sacrifices that we made for her. she is quite emotional at the moment so this made her burst into tears. tom asked me to leave until we've both calmed down.
john thinks i should apologise. i will because she is pregnant and i don't want to cause trouble, but i don't think what i said was wrong. she's doing something stupid that she will regret for the rest of her life, and somebody needs to make her see sense.
| 1,214 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i413n4/aita_for_calling_my_heavily_pregnant_daughter/
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2020-08-05 07:47:13
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yta and apparently trying to live vicariously through your daughter. just because you would have wanted the time off doesn't mean it's right for her. her pregnancy isn't about you. and you are an asshole for thinking you know better than she does what is best for her.
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yta - stop projecting your guilt and regrets onto your daughter. she is excited to return to something that makes her happy and that happens to be her career. if she wanted to stay home permanently i doubt you would object to her decision.
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yta.
this is on you. you spoiled her when she was growing up. you raised her to be "materialistic" and you raised her to be an "ungrateful brat". this is on you. heck, she doesn't even sound materialistic and ungrateful. it seems more like you are exaggerating to make yourself look like the victim.
if she wants to go back to work, that is her choice. that is something she enjoys and who are you to try to take that away from her? you gave your advice, she listened to it, and decided not to follow it. that's her choice, not yours.
honestly, i hope that once the child is born, laura will leave you and not talk to you again as you clearly are a terrible person and i doubt she would want you around her child after what you said. you clearly are far from a good influence for that child.
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yta. want another grown woman does after they’ve had a baby is their own business. if this works for her and her husband, that’s all that matters. period.
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yta
i have never understood when parents accuse children of not appreciating the sacrifices those parents made for their children. hello??? isn’t that kind of the parent’s job? you want credit for feeding and taking care of a child you intentionally brought into this world?
you were forced to go back to work immediately after having your child, and even though your daughter has the option not to, she chooses to as well. you should be happy that she even has that choice, however she acts on it.
her child isn’t even born yet and you’re already critiquing and criticizing her parenting skills.
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my mom was the type who desperately wanted to spend as much time with her kids as possible, and i am the same way. my sibling is career driven and puts an equal amount of time into their career as their kid. neither of us is the wrong type of parent. you need to back off and let your daughter become the type of mother she wants to be. yta
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yta. is her life, she can do whatever she wants. apologize, you were way out of line.
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yta she's doing something you would regret for the rest of your life. she's not you.
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yta. it is her life, not yours, and she gets to live it the way she wants. you showed the worst kind of parenting, wanting her to be like you. did it not occur to you that she has deliberately chosen not to be like you? and that she has every right to do that? you made your mistakes, sure; be there for her when she makes hers.
be better. apologise for upsetting her. not “i’m sorry if you were upset”, that is not an apology. “i am sorry for saying things that upset you, i was being selfish and i realise now that i was way out of line.” don’t explain why you said what you did, just apologise and promise not to do it again.
otherwise you are heading for a future where your daughter will want less and less to do with you and you will not see your grandchild. is that what you want? because that is what you will get if you carry on as you are doing.
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yta. her whole life is scattered into pieces right now. she’s a doctor, she’s about to have a baby, and we’re in the middle of a pandemic. she’s probably very scared right now. by holding onto some of her vices and making plans (even if they could be improbable) for her future, it’s giving her some semblance of control and normality. not only are you trying to take that away from her, by calling her selfish, you’re discrediting all the sacrifices she made to get to this point in her career.
she is not you. i respect that you raised a baby as a teen, but your daughter is in her thirties. she is a medical professional. i cannot even begin to fathom the amount of stress she must be under. give her space, let her make her own decisions. as her parent and an impending grandmother, you should be offering her support. tell her you’ll be there for her when she needs you, and you respect that she knows what’s best for herself and her child.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i got pregnant as a teenager. both me and my boyfriend (now husband) john were kicked out of our homes, and had to find a place. we did but rent and bills were a struggle. he worked very long hours, and i pretty much worked through my pregnancy and was back at work days after our daughter laura was born. i used to have to hand her to friends/relatives to look after, which i hated. john worked hard in construction and learned many trades which pay him very well. i studied part-time for an accounting degree while working and now work in that field. we were able to give laura a comfortable upbringing and also make time to give her the love and support she needed growing up, but i will always regret the time i never got to spend with my newborn. laura is now 33. she studied medicine, worked her way up through the field and is already in a high ranked position. she is beautiful and we're very proud of her. she met a lovely man, tom, they got married and she's now nine months pregnant. i visited them yesterday. laura has been on maternity leave the last few months, but she said something i found shocking. once the baby is born, she's intending on returning to work at the earliest possible opportunity, likely days after the baby is born. laura said she misses work and while she's very excited about becoming a mother, she can't wait to get back to doing what she loves. that wasn't the only reason. i'll be honest to say that we did spoil laura when she was growing up. she is very materialistic and loves fashion, makeup, shoes etc. she said she misses looking glamorous/professional and wants to ''feel beautiful'' again. she's too swollen to wear heels which she's very frustrated about, and has been wearing tom's t shirts everywhere. i was so annoyed at what she said. she could easily take a good few months off but is choosing not to. it's not that the baby won't be looked after. tom is working from home at the moment and will be for the foreseeable future. but pregnancy is physically and mentally exhausting. i won't pretend to know anything about what she does, but someone with her knowledge should be fully aware that she won't be in a fit state to do such complex work immediately after birth. i've told laura for years that my biggest regret is not spending more time with her when she was newborn. laura didn't listen to anything i said and continued with the shallow, materialistic excuses. i was so upset i told her she was an ungrateful brat who never understood the sacrifices that we made for her. she is quite emotional at the moment so this made her burst into tears. tom asked me to leave until we've both calmed down. john thinks i should apologise. i will because she is pregnant and i don't want to cause trouble, but i don't think what i said was wrong. she's doing something stupid that she will regret for the rest of her life, and somebody needs to make her see sense.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i got pregnant as a teenager. both me and my boyfriend (now husband) john were kicked out of our homes, and had to find a place. we did but rent and bills were a struggle. he worked very long hours, and i pretty much worked through my pregnancy and was back at work days after our daughter laura was born. i used to have to hand her to friends/relatives to look after, which i hated. john worked hard in construction and learned many trades which pay him very well. i studied part-time for an accounting degree while working and now work in that field. we were able to give laura a comfortable upbringing and also make time to give her the love and support she needed growing up, but i will always regret the time i never got to spend with my newborn. laura is now 33. she studied medicine, worked her way up through the field and is already in a high ranked position. she is beautiful and we're very proud of her. she met a lovely man, tom, they got married and she's now nine months pregnant. i visited them yesterday. laura has been on maternity leave the last few months, but she said something i found shocking. once the baby is born, she's intending on returning to work at the earliest possible opportunity, likely days after the baby is born. laura said she misses work and while she's very excited about becoming a mother, she can't wait to get back to doing what she loves. that wasn't the only reason. i'll be honest to say that we did spoil laura when she was growing up. she is very materialistic and loves fashion, makeup, shoes etc. she said she misses looking glamorous/professional and wants to ''feel beautiful'' again. she's too swollen to wear heels which she's very frustrated about, and has been wearing tom's t shirts everywhere. i was so annoyed at what she said. she could easily take a good few months off but is choosing not to. it's not that the baby won't be looked after. tom is working from home at the moment and will be for the foreseeable future. but pregnancy is physically and mentally exhausting. i won't pretend to know anything about what she does, but someone with her knowledge should be fully aware that she won't be in a fit state to do such complex work immediately after birth. i've told laura for years that my biggest regret is not spending more time with her when she was newborn. laura didn't listen to anything i said and continued with the shallow, materialistic excuses. i was so upset i told her she was an ungrateful brat who never understood the sacrifices that we made for her. she is quite emotional at the moment so this made her burst into tears. tom asked me to leave until we've both calmed down. john thinks i should apologise. i will because she is pregnant and i don't want to cause trouble, but i don't think what i said was wrong. she's doing something stupid that she will regret for the rest of her life, and somebody needs to make her see sense. [/INST] yta and apparently trying to live vicariously through your daughter. just because you would have wanted the time off doesn't mean it's right for her. her pregnancy isn't about you. and you are an asshole for thinking you know better than she does what is best for her. </s>
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AITA for refusing to buy stuff for my stepsiblings?
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i (16f) work and i buy most if not all the food i eat. i also get to buy video games and things like that when something good comes out. i don't ever have to ask my dad or his wife for money. but sometimes my stepsiblings stepsister (15f) and stepbrother (14m) will ask me for money or for some of the food i bought or they'll want me to buy them a video game. i have always said no and now that they're both technically old enough i tell them to babysit or get some kind of job where they can pay for that stuff. my dad's wife doesn't like it. she says what's mine is technically hers and my dads and it should be shared. i told her i work for it though and i've worked in some capacity since i was 14 and i sometimes got money when i was 13 to pick up groceries for a neighbor (which i started doing to help her out but she would pay me a little sometimes).
she went on about family again and then my dad told me it was selfish of me not to be more inclusive of my "siblings". he and i talked one on one where i told him we weren't siblings, that they only wanted something from me because i have money and they don't, but they never gave a shit about us being a family either. we have never acted or lived as a family. before this stuff really got annoying we lived as two separate families and once my stepsiblings started asking my dad and his wife started acting like we were siblings who'd known each other a long time. but even now it has only been 3 years since i first met her kids and her. they were together 2 years before they got married and we weren't introduced before then.
my dad still thinks i should consider them my family and should be more selfless and loving because we'll always be in each others lives and he was mad that i didn't consider them family, because he said stepfamily is still family.
aita?
| 1,958 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jv5x4w/aita_for_refusing_to_buy_stuff_for_my_stepsiblings/
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2020-11-16 12:26:08
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nta
you are not obligated to share possessions you've paid for yourself, or give them the money you've earned. this would be the same even if they were full siblings. if your stepmum and dad don't want them to earn their own money, they should be the ones to buy them what they want.
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nta
whether step families are immediately families or not is a whole different debate.
but you absolutely should not be expected to spend your hard earned money or share your personal belongings with anyone. full blood siblings included.
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nta, but i hope you have a bank account without anyone else's name on it. there are plenty of stories where parents have drained their kids accounts. if your dad is on the account, i would find a completely new bank and open an account there, as its nearly impossible to remove someone from an account. then close the old account.
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nta. please talk to your dad again and ask him to help you separate these two issues. the first issue is, you work for your money, you have since you were 14, and you do not understand why the rules are different for you and your step siblings. why are you expected to earn your spending money but they are somehow just entitled to the money you earn rather than having to earn it themselves? how is that fair? then let him know you would have the same question if they were your biological siblings, and this is a separate issue from whether we are “a loving family.”
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nta
even if you were a biological family or you felt yourselves as a real family, you still didn't have to give them your money. it is your money that you worked for it and you should be able to spend it as you like. and since they are able to work, they should work for themselves if they need money.
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nta your stepmom is for saying the things that you buy are hers and your dad’s, she’s a big one. your dad is for failing to stand up for you and going along with his wife’s unreasonable logic. the stuff you buy is yours to do with as you want, your money is yours to do with as you want.
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nta - so she wants an unrelated 16 year old to use their limited income to buy her kids video games and snacks that she won't even buy them herself. that's a load of horseshit. i don't see them saying "we're family so let me buy you this or do this for you" they're clearly trying to take advantage of you.
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nta, it is money you earned. and they are 14 and 15, not 4 and 5.
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info
why are you buying most/all of your own food? are your step-siblings adequately fed?
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step siblings vs actual siblings regardless of existing relationship or not is something that deserves its own conversation. as well as whether or not you should all try to be more inclusive of one another.
the real issue here is that you earn what you have and your step mother's desire to strip you of money that you work for is quite literally theft. i started working at 14 in some capacity just like you and what i bought was mine regardless of what people "wanted".
the fact that your dad won't stand up for you in this is really strange to me.
100% nta your family isn't entitled to your money.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (16f) work and i buy most if not all the food i eat. i also get to buy video games and things like that when something good comes out. i don't ever have to ask my dad or his wife for money. but sometimes my stepsiblings stepsister (15f) and stepbrother (14m) will ask me for money or for some of the food i bought or they'll want me to buy them a video game. i have always said no and now that they're both technically old enough i tell them to babysit or get some kind of job where they can pay for that stuff. my dad's wife doesn't like it. she says what's mine is technically hers and my dads and it should be shared. i told her i work for it though and i've worked in some capacity since i was 14 and i sometimes got money when i was 13 to pick up groceries for a neighbor (which i started doing to help her out but she would pay me a little sometimes). she went on about family again and then my dad told me it was selfish of me not to be more inclusive of my "siblings". he and i talked one on one where i told him we weren't siblings, that they only wanted something from me because i have money and they don't, but they never gave a shit about us being a family either. we have never acted or lived as a family. before this stuff really got annoying we lived as two separate families and once my stepsiblings started asking my dad and his wife started acting like we were siblings who'd known each other a long time. but even now it has only been 3 years since i first met her kids and her. they were together 2 years before they got married and we weren't introduced before then. my dad still thinks i should consider them my family and should be more selfless and loving because we'll always be in each others lives and he was mad that i didn't consider them family, because he said stepfamily is still family. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (16f) work and i buy most if not all the food i eat. i also get to buy video games and things like that when something good comes out. i don't ever have to ask my dad or his wife for money. but sometimes my stepsiblings stepsister (15f) and stepbrother (14m) will ask me for money or for some of the food i bought or they'll want me to buy them a video game. i have always said no and now that they're both technically old enough i tell them to babysit or get some kind of job where they can pay for that stuff. my dad's wife doesn't like it. she says what's mine is technically hers and my dads and it should be shared. i told her i work for it though and i've worked in some capacity since i was 14 and i sometimes got money when i was 13 to pick up groceries for a neighbor (which i started doing to help her out but she would pay me a little sometimes). she went on about family again and then my dad told me it was selfish of me not to be more inclusive of my "siblings". he and i talked one on one where i told him we weren't siblings, that they only wanted something from me because i have money and they don't, but they never gave a shit about us being a family either. we have never acted or lived as a family. before this stuff really got annoying we lived as two separate families and once my stepsiblings started asking my dad and his wife started acting like we were siblings who'd known each other a long time. but even now it has only been 3 years since i first met her kids and her. they were together 2 years before they got married and we weren't introduced before then. my dad still thinks i should consider them my family and should be more selfless and loving because we'll always be in each others lives and he was mad that i didn't consider them family, because he said stepfamily is still family. aita? [/INST] nta you are not obligated to share possessions you've paid for yourself, or give them the money you've earned. this would be the same even if they were full siblings. if your stepmum and dad don't want them to earn their own money, they should be the ones to buy them what they want. </s>
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AITA for asking my work colleagues not to bring Vegan food to staff lunch?
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hi,
i'm not sure if i'm being oversensitive to the point of being an a, or if my work colleagues are the a's here. \*all opinions are welcome, if i'm the a here, i'm going to try to own it\*.
i work in a small office, team of 9 people. i am the only vegan. i don't preach or try to convert pothers, it's my choice, and my business. plus i live in a rural farming community and veganism is viewed in general with mild suspicion, hostility or ridicule.
anyway, i can't afford to attend the staff christmas meal this year. (i'm a single parent saving for a mortgage).
to reassure a concerned work colleague, i explained that aside from financial constraints, the thought of being at a table of people eating meat made me feel very uncomfortable. so it really wasn't a big deal for me to miss it and she shouldn't feel bad.
as well as the annual christmas meal, we also have a staff christmas lunch the day before, low key, held in the office, we all bring our own food. a different work colleague sent an email out this week requesting that every one bring a vegan dish this year.
i felt surprised about this and confused, so asked why this was. the colleague advised that i speak to the person i had confided in, who responded by looking down and not saying anything (sort of in a joking way, but they still wouldn't speak to me, they can be a bit strange sometimes).
please bare in mind that veganism is often a deeply personal choice. it is also difficult to get vegan food, and is an acquired taste. i'm not going to lie here, some of it is overpriced and grim, \[if you dont know brands to avoid and cost effective alternatives\].
with this in mind, i sent a borderline pleading email out to everyone, thanking them for being thoughtful. i was honest and said that i felt uncomfortable as it seemed restrictive, and it would be better if everyone just brought what they wanted to.
i received an email response refusing my request stating that people 'didn't mind trying vegan' and 'we are ganging up on you lol'. (i dont think this was meant in a horrible way, but i felt frustrated that i had been ignored).
i spoke to another work college and explained how uncomfortable this was making me and how the christmas lunch shouldn't be about my veganism. i also shared how i envisioned people gagging at the food or opening up awkward conversations about veganism as a lifestyle choice.
my work colleague was really nice and sent an email saying she would be bringing a meat dish and that the lunch shouldn't be themed and there shouldn't be an issue.
the manager then responded by email that she would be bringing vegan dish. now i keep getting asked by (mildly panicked) colleagues how to make vegan dishes.
i'm aware that i probably sound really precious and sensitive and projecting a 'my culture isnt your prom dress' vibe. but it really, really bothers me.
am i the a?
| 1,207 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e0atpq/aita_for_asking_my_work_colleagues_not_to_bring/
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2019-11-23 01:20:30
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yta.
1. they're trying to do something nice.
2. they genuinely want to try a vegan meal. and you don't own vegetables, vegetables aren't a "culture" you can claim. so if they want to cook some vegetables, let them.
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yta.. everyone cared enough to go out of their norm to be inclusive.
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yta ... they care about you and want to include you. and they're not making fun of you for being vegan. i wish i had that sort of relationship with my coworkers. you're a lucky person, op. embrace the love at work. it's very very rare.
and use this as an opportunity to help people who want to learn.
that's how i changed and became open to veganism too - people being willing to talk about it and help me figure out how i could change my eating habits. it's amazing that they're being open to it, honestly.
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yta. imagine being bothered by people actually being *inclusive* of a lifestyle.
this is why there are so many jokes and memes.
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*it is also difficult to get vegan food, and is an acquired taste*
i'm utterly lost. aside from that yeah, yta with rejecting people just trying to be nice and inclusive, the whole 'it's personal...' and the above is uh, confusing.
i get some people don't like some vegetables, but most people like some, also people tend to like... fruit, pasta, rice, bread, salad... oreos...
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i was going to say n a h, but then i thought about it a little more.
look, you *specifically* told your co-worker that you were uncomfortable sharing a table with people eating meat and that *that* was part of the reason why you weren't going to the christmas dinner.
so you thought, what? that your coworkers would then be comfortable sharing a table with you while eating food that you'd told them made you uncomfortable, during a luncheon celebrating a holiday that's supposed to be about kindness, love, and good cheer?
it would have been a whole lot simpler if you had just said, "so sorry, i have a scheduling conflict! you know how busy the holidays can get!" or something similar.
instead, you said something almost designed to make them uncomfortable.
then, when they try to be inclusive, instead of just being polite and saying that you appreciate the thought but they shouldn't feel obliged and then dropping it, you tell them that this *also* will make you uncomfortable. and you bring it up with another colleague, further stirring the drama.
and then you bring it to the internet, say that all opinions are welcome, but get condescending and rude to anyone who disagrees with you.
yes, op, yta.
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yta
i think you’re the one making this bigger than it really is.
it’s christmas time and everyone’s just being inclusive.
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> it is also difficult to get vegan food, and is an acquired taste.
really?! fruit/vegetables/oils/carbohydrates...?
stop being such an 'extra-special' diva, they're just trying to be nice.
yta
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yta your coworkers are doing something nice for you. they aren’t appropriating your culture. you don’t have a monopoly on vegan food.
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yta. you are letting such a trivial thing bother you and attempting to ruin it for everyone else . just enjoy the inclusiveness.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi, i'm not sure if i'm being oversensitive to the point of being an a, or if my work colleagues are the a's here. \*all opinions are welcome, if i'm the a here, i'm going to try to own it\*. i work in a small office, team of 9 people. i am the only vegan. i don't preach or try to convert pothers, it's my choice, and my business. plus i live in a rural farming community and veganism is viewed in general with mild suspicion, hostility or ridicule. anyway, i can't afford to attend the staff christmas meal this year. (i'm a single parent saving for a mortgage). to reassure a concerned work colleague, i explained that aside from financial constraints, the thought of being at a table of people eating meat made me feel very uncomfortable. so it really wasn't a big deal for me to miss it and she shouldn't feel bad. as well as the annual christmas meal, we also have a staff christmas lunch the day before, low key, held in the office, we all bring our own food. a different work colleague sent an email out this week requesting that every one bring a vegan dish this year. i felt surprised about this and confused, so asked why this was. the colleague advised that i speak to the person i had confided in, who responded by looking down and not saying anything (sort of in a joking way, but they still wouldn't speak to me, they can be a bit strange sometimes). please bare in mind that veganism is often a deeply personal choice. it is also difficult to get vegan food, and is an acquired taste. i'm not going to lie here, some of it is overpriced and grim, \[if you dont know brands to avoid and cost effective alternatives\]. with this in mind, i sent a borderline pleading email out to everyone, thanking them for being thoughtful. i was honest and said that i felt uncomfortable as it seemed restrictive, and it would be better if everyone just brought what they wanted to. i received an email response refusing my request stating that people 'didn't mind trying vegan' and 'we are ganging up on you lol'. (i dont think this was meant in a horrible way, but i felt frustrated that i had been ignored). i spoke to another work college and explained how uncomfortable this was making me and how the christmas lunch shouldn't be about my veganism. i also shared how i envisioned people gagging at the food or opening up awkward conversations about veganism as a lifestyle choice. my work colleague was really nice and sent an email saying she would be bringing a meat dish and that the lunch shouldn't be themed and there shouldn't be an issue. the manager then responded by email that she would be bringing vegan dish. now i keep getting asked by (mildly panicked) colleagues how to make vegan dishes. i'm aware that i probably sound really precious and sensitive and projecting a 'my culture isnt your prom dress' vibe. but it really, really bothers me. am i the a?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi, i'm not sure if i'm being oversensitive to the point of being an a, or if my work colleagues are the a's here. \*all opinions are welcome, if i'm the a here, i'm going to try to own it\*. i work in a small office, team of 9 people. i am the only vegan. i don't preach or try to convert pothers, it's my choice, and my business. plus i live in a rural farming community and veganism is viewed in general with mild suspicion, hostility or ridicule. anyway, i can't afford to attend the staff christmas meal this year. (i'm a single parent saving for a mortgage). to reassure a concerned work colleague, i explained that aside from financial constraints, the thought of being at a table of people eating meat made me feel very uncomfortable. so it really wasn't a big deal for me to miss it and she shouldn't feel bad. as well as the annual christmas meal, we also have a staff christmas lunch the day before, low key, held in the office, we all bring our own food. a different work colleague sent an email out this week requesting that every one bring a vegan dish this year. i felt surprised about this and confused, so asked why this was. the colleague advised that i speak to the person i had confided in, who responded by looking down and not saying anything (sort of in a joking way, but they still wouldn't speak to me, they can be a bit strange sometimes). please bare in mind that veganism is often a deeply personal choice. it is also difficult to get vegan food, and is an acquired taste. i'm not going to lie here, some of it is overpriced and grim, \[if you dont know brands to avoid and cost effective alternatives\]. with this in mind, i sent a borderline pleading email out to everyone, thanking them for being thoughtful. i was honest and said that i felt uncomfortable as it seemed restrictive, and it would be better if everyone just brought what they wanted to. i received an email response refusing my request stating that people 'didn't mind trying vegan' and 'we are ganging up on you lol'. (i dont think this was meant in a horrible way, but i felt frustrated that i had been ignored). i spoke to another work college and explained how uncomfortable this was making me and how the christmas lunch shouldn't be about my veganism. i also shared how i envisioned people gagging at the food or opening up awkward conversations about veganism as a lifestyle choice. my work colleague was really nice and sent an email saying she would be bringing a meat dish and that the lunch shouldn't be themed and there shouldn't be an issue. the manager then responded by email that she would be bringing vegan dish. now i keep getting asked by (mildly panicked) colleagues how to make vegan dishes. i'm aware that i probably sound really precious and sensitive and projecting a 'my culture isnt your prom dress' vibe. but it really, really bothers me. am i the a? [/INST] yta. 1. they're trying to do something nice. 2. they genuinely want to try a vegan meal. and you don't own vegetables, vegetables aren't a "culture" you can claim. so if they want to cook some vegetables, let them. </s>
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AITA for ruining someone’s vacation after she was being rude at my apartment
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my wife had a friend who wanted to go on a vacation in our country she asked if she can stay over but only use her products and food (etc) be for a week
my wife says that she know her from college and it would be fine. i didn’t wanna ruin someone’s vacation and i did convince our daughter that it would be fine. my daughter was even kind enough to let her stay in her room
first of all she didn’t help at all with the bags she only was carrying one plastic bag that looked to be really light
something about the 3 of us: we don’t like animals they are annoying loud their stuff goes everywhere they break stuff so we never considered getting pets
so when i looked at what my wife was carrying i saw that this lady brought with her 2 cats
my wife just asked her if she could only keep them and their stuff in her room she said that she will keep them in her room in the night but would set them free in the morning since being stuck in a small .room wouldn’t be fun for them my wife just said fair
she was rude. she would ask for free rides. would always keep what she buys on the couch. she would get mad at our daughter if she doesn’t play with her cats. etc
and she didn’t bring any phone products so the 3 of us had to only rely on one charger and i gave her my cheap gaming headphones
but all of that is nothing compared to her cats
she the opposite of her promise. when we all go to bed she would let them out in the living room. they would always make loud noises fight and scratch the door. i wake up at least 4 times either to break fights between them or let them in our room. one time it got so bad that our daughter couldn’t take it anymore and almost went to the lady to tell her how rude she is. i stopped her but told my wife that she should be more respectful
my wife told her friend she didn’t say that we would kick her . she said how funny this is and how much they meant to her. my wife said that is understandable and she doesn’t have a problem with the cats as long as she would be more respectful
she didn’t do anything so i told her that she has to go
she thought i was joking but then started yelling at me saying how ridiculous this is and how people like us make her prefer cats over humans. i then started telling her about the other stuff she annoyed us with and that is not just her cats. she just put all of her stuff in the bags while throwing some homophobic/racial slurs at me told me that thanks to our selfishness her vacation is ruined and she would spend all her money on the hotel
my wife gave her some cash for her and as an apology for what happened
after she left my wife called me an idiot for actually kicking her and that she got on this vacation to take a brake from her really stressful life as a single mom and that i ruined the only chance for her to get a brake
my daughter felt guilty but i didn’t really care
this is an old story but aita ?
| 575 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/myugsp/aita_for_ruining_someones_vacation_after_she_was/
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2021-04-26 10:19:15
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nta. your wife is a sucker and her "friend" took advantage of the situation, at the expense of you and your daughter.
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nta
your wife sounds like a pushover who allowed a stranger to bully you in your own home.
she allowed her sympathies to overrule the safety and comfort of your family and the guest rejected any reasonable barriers you put up as a condition of her being in your home.
* the cats were violent
* she disrespected your space
* she refused to commit to the most reasonable restriictions
* she ended the whole thing by calling you anti-gay slurs (which should have resulted in your wife nuking that relationship entirely)
i'm surprised you aren't more upset with your wife for allowing someone who is basically a stranger to come into your home, violate your rules, insult your orientation, and then takes your money as an "apology" for the way you acted.
your wife owes you an apology.
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nta, in fact you were very gracious to not turn her away when you first saw the cats.
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nta. what kind of a doofus brings their cats on vacation with them?
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nta but you also have an so problem here: your partner has enabled her friend behaviour, made excuse for her and even gave her money after she insulted you and let her cats damaging your home.
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nta,
what is wrong with your wife!!!!!????
it is someones home, not a resort, the audacity of this lady. i thought this was some little old lady, but she is the same age as you. i have a feeling your wife has some responsibility for this behavior, whether she gave a false pretense that this woman would be served on by your family, or she allowed it to go on as long as she did.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife had a friend who wanted to go on a vacation in our country she asked if she can stay over but only use her products and food (etc) be for a week my wife says that she know her from college and it would be fine. i didn’t wanna ruin someone’s vacation and i did convince our daughter that it would be fine. my daughter was even kind enough to let her stay in her room first of all she didn’t help at all with the bags she only was carrying one plastic bag that looked to be really light something about the 3 of us: we don’t like animals they are annoying loud their stuff goes everywhere they break stuff so we never considered getting pets so when i looked at what my wife was carrying i saw that this lady brought with her 2 cats my wife just asked her if she could only keep them and their stuff in her room she said that she will keep them in her room in the night but would set them free in the morning since being stuck in a small .room wouldn’t be fun for them my wife just said fair she was rude. she would ask for free rides. would always keep what she buys on the couch. she would get mad at our daughter if she doesn’t play with her cats. etc and she didn’t bring any phone products so the 3 of us had to only rely on one charger and i gave her my cheap gaming headphones but all of that is nothing compared to her cats she the opposite of her promise. when we all go to bed she would let them out in the living room. they would always make loud noises fight and scratch the door. i wake up at least 4 times either to break fights between them or let them in our room. one time it got so bad that our daughter couldn’t take it anymore and almost went to the lady to tell her how rude she is. i stopped her but told my wife that she should be more respectful my wife told her friend she didn’t say that we would kick her . she said how funny this is and how much they meant to her. my wife said that is understandable and she doesn’t have a problem with the cats as long as she would be more respectful she didn’t do anything so i told her that she has to go she thought i was joking but then started yelling at me saying how ridiculous this is and how people like us make her prefer cats over humans. i then started telling her about the other stuff she annoyed us with and that is not just her cats. she just put all of her stuff in the bags while throwing some homophobic/racial slurs at me told me that thanks to our selfishness her vacation is ruined and she would spend all her money on the hotel my wife gave her some cash for her and as an apology for what happened after she left my wife called me an idiot for actually kicking her and that she got on this vacation to take a brake from her really stressful life as a single mom and that i ruined the only chance for her to get a brake my daughter felt guilty but i didn’t really care this is an old story but aita ?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife had a friend who wanted to go on a vacation in our country she asked if she can stay over but only use her products and food (etc) be for a week my wife says that she know her from college and it would be fine. i didn’t wanna ruin someone’s vacation and i did convince our daughter that it would be fine. my daughter was even kind enough to let her stay in her room first of all she didn’t help at all with the bags she only was carrying one plastic bag that looked to be really light something about the 3 of us: we don’t like animals they are annoying loud their stuff goes everywhere they break stuff so we never considered getting pets so when i looked at what my wife was carrying i saw that this lady brought with her 2 cats my wife just asked her if she could only keep them and their stuff in her room she said that she will keep them in her room in the night but would set them free in the morning since being stuck in a small .room wouldn’t be fun for them my wife just said fair she was rude. she would ask for free rides. would always keep what she buys on the couch. she would get mad at our daughter if she doesn’t play with her cats. etc and she didn’t bring any phone products so the 3 of us had to only rely on one charger and i gave her my cheap gaming headphones but all of that is nothing compared to her cats she the opposite of her promise. when we all go to bed she would let them out in the living room. they would always make loud noises fight and scratch the door. i wake up at least 4 times either to break fights between them or let them in our room. one time it got so bad that our daughter couldn’t take it anymore and almost went to the lady to tell her how rude she is. i stopped her but told my wife that she should be more respectful my wife told her friend she didn’t say that we would kick her . she said how funny this is and how much they meant to her. my wife said that is understandable and she doesn’t have a problem with the cats as long as she would be more respectful she didn’t do anything so i told her that she has to go she thought i was joking but then started yelling at me saying how ridiculous this is and how people like us make her prefer cats over humans. i then started telling her about the other stuff she annoyed us with and that is not just her cats. she just put all of her stuff in the bags while throwing some homophobic/racial slurs at me told me that thanks to our selfishness her vacation is ruined and she would spend all her money on the hotel my wife gave her some cash for her and as an apology for what happened after she left my wife called me an idiot for actually kicking her and that she got on this vacation to take a brake from her really stressful life as a single mom and that i ruined the only chance for her to get a brake my daughter felt guilty but i didn’t really care this is an old story but aita ? [/INST] nta. your wife is a sucker and her "friend" took advantage of the situation, at the expense of you and your daughter. </s>
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AITA for not helping my sister bathe when she had surgery
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my sister(8f) recently had surgery on her shoulder which makes it painful to use her arm and turn certain directions.
usually our mom helps her in the bath but yesterday she had to work late so my sister asked me(15m) to help her. i was uncomfortable with bathing her so i told her to wait until tomorrow so our mom could help her.
when our mom found out she yelled at me and called me selfish for not helping family. as punishment she took away my ps4 and is making me bathe her until she arm is better am i the asshole
edit for anyone wondering:i don’t know why i was uncomfortable but i just am
| 263 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hpfyz9/aita_for_not_helping_my_sister_bathe_when_she_had/
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2020-07-11 19:24:08
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yta. she’s 8years old, unless we’re missing some details or history, i don’t think there’s any reason you couldn’t help her?
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slight yta. usually, i would say nta because if you're uncomfortable, you shouldn't be forced to do something you don't want to do (within reason).
however, you're ta because your mom would've bathed your sister if she was home. she is probably already stressed out because she's worried about working during a pandemic and your sister who just had surgery.
the chances of infection are much higher especially right after surgery, and although you may see it as one day, it is extremely uncomfortable for the individual who has recently had surgery.
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yta - it seems like you should be able to help your sister when no one else is around. she is only 8. why did her request make you uncomfortable?
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yta
she's eight and had *surgery* suck it up and help
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nta. it doesn't matter why you feel uncomfortable, but just the fact that you do means you shouldn't have to help if you don't want to.
people don't need baths and showers everyday anyway, and the fact that your sister is incapacitated means she won't be doing much.
tbh, if you still feel uncomfortable and can live without your ps4, stick to your guns and refuse. you're not her parent, the one who was yelling at you is. you shouldn't be forced to do shit like this
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nta fuck all of these people saying yta, if youre uncomfortable bathing your sister you dont have too. its as simple as that.
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i'll go against the grain and say nta.
there's nothing wrong with being uncomfortable even if it is a sibling.
i understand your mother is stressed out, but she took it too far in calling you selfish and punishing you.
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nta
i'm really shocked by the amount of people saying that y.t.a honestly. you were uncomfortable bathing your sister, that's enough of a reason to not have to do it, you don't have to have a reason to be uncomfortable in this situation to be justified. normally i see people get really up in arms defending people who ask about this type of scenario so i'm really thrown by the responses.
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nta. under any circumstances for not wanting to fully bathe your sister. you have boundaries and those should be respected. you could have offered to help with a semi sponge bath. i’m assuming you could have easily washed around the wound area
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nta yeah she’s 8 and your sister. but if you didn’t feel comfortable then that’s okay. one day of not bathing isn’t going to hurt. your punishment is a little extreme.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.627069 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister(8f) recently had surgery on her shoulder which makes it painful to use her arm and turn certain directions. usually our mom helps her in the bath but yesterday she had to work late so my sister asked me(15m) to help her. i was uncomfortable with bathing her so i told her to wait until tomorrow so our mom could help her. when our mom found out she yelled at me and called me selfish for not helping family. as punishment she took away my ps4 and is making me bathe her until she arm is better am i the asshole edit for anyone wondering:i don’t know why i was uncomfortable but i just am
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister(8f) recently had surgery on her shoulder which makes it painful to use her arm and turn certain directions. usually our mom helps her in the bath but yesterday she had to work late so my sister asked me(15m) to help her. i was uncomfortable with bathing her so i told her to wait until tomorrow so our mom could help her. when our mom found out she yelled at me and called me selfish for not helping family. as punishment she took away my ps4 and is making me bathe her until she arm is better am i the asshole edit for anyone wondering:i don’t know why i was uncomfortable but i just am [/INST] yta. she’s 8years old, unless we’re missing some details or history, i don’t think there’s any reason you couldn’t help her? </s>
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AITA for not buying my nephews food???
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i live with my sister and her two kids who are 14 and 11. she’s a single mom and works overnight. i don’t have any kids myself. i try to cook home meals for the most part. however, there are some days i order burgers/chinese food/ dessert. well every time i go out to buy food i feel guilty if i don’t buy them anything. for example, if i go get myself a burger well now i have to go get 3 burgers instead of 1, and it quickly adds up (especially because these kids eat a lot). all while my sister is sleeping. this has been going on for at least 6 years. even when i do cook at home, i have to cook for at least 3 people so it adds up even if i decide to cook at home. today was the first time i bought food for myself only. i walk in and my nephew asks me “what’s that” (pointing at my burger). i told him “food”, which he replied “what food”. he’s old enough to know what it is, he just wanted me to tell him i had a burger for him waiting somewhere. again, i have done this for over 6 years constantly buying myself and them food so i’m tired at this point. this is the reason why i don’t have kids, because i know they’re expensive. my sister relies too much on me feeding her children. she makes good money so it’s not a money issues it’s just that she’s sleeping all the time. i know it’s not the kids fault but im tired of having to spend 3x the amount if i decide to get takeout. aita?
| 275 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yzuptu/aita_for_not_buying_my_nephews_food/
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2022-11-20 04:09:08
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nta, food x3 is expensive. but your nephews may not understand the monetary dynamics between you and your sister. it would be good to have given her a warning like “i won’t be buying food for your kids, you need to prepare food for them”, or let the kids know that their mom would be getting them food from now on.
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nta. tell your sister to kick in some money to pay for her kid's food
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nta, but an explanation needs to be given the kids. better would be to eat befor you come home. you can ask your sister to frount you some money if she wants you to bring them something home. but she pays ahead of time.
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nta but of course teens want burgers if you have them. could your sister set up a fund specifically set aside for buying the kids takeout/extra groceries? would you be fine with it if she venmoed you, say, $100-$200 a month to cover things? if you don't come home and go out for dinner, how do the kids get fed? you are definitely nta if you've suggested she pay for their food and she refuses but then also doesn't make sure they're fed. if she doesn't want to pay for takeout, you all should have a family meeting where she explains that uncle is a grown up and feeds himself and its not appropriate to ask him for his food.
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nta as long as there is food in the house for them to eat. they are old enough to cook.
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nta but your sister is. maybe she should be parenting her kids.
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info: what is the living situation? does she own the place and you rent from her? or its your place and she rents from you? trending together? is there any agreement on shared expenses, or food?
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nta. they are not your kids. their meals are not your responsibility. she is neglecting them because she knows you'll step up.
also, i'm curious - who babysat the kids when they were younger? did she dump that on you or your dad or did she make arrangements to have someone take care of them?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null | null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live with my sister and her two kids who are 14 and 11. she’s a single mom and works overnight. i don’t have any kids myself. i try to cook home meals for the most part. however, there are some days i order burgers/chinese food/ dessert. well every time i go out to buy food i feel guilty if i don’t buy them anything. for example, if i go get myself a burger well now i have to go get 3 burgers instead of 1, and it quickly adds up (especially because these kids eat a lot). all while my sister is sleeping. this has been going on for at least 6 years. even when i do cook at home, i have to cook for at least 3 people so it adds up even if i decide to cook at home. today was the first time i bought food for myself only. i walk in and my nephew asks me “what’s that” (pointing at my burger). i told him “food”, which he replied “what food”. he’s old enough to know what it is, he just wanted me to tell him i had a burger for him waiting somewhere. again, i have done this for over 6 years constantly buying myself and them food so i’m tired at this point. this is the reason why i don’t have kids, because i know they’re expensive. my sister relies too much on me feeding her children. she makes good money so it’s not a money issues it’s just that she’s sleeping all the time. i know it’s not the kids fault but im tired of having to spend 3x the amount if i decide to get takeout. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live with my sister and her two kids who are 14 and 11. she’s a single mom and works overnight. i don’t have any kids myself. i try to cook home meals for the most part. however, there are some days i order burgers/chinese food/ dessert. well every time i go out to buy food i feel guilty if i don’t buy them anything. for example, if i go get myself a burger well now i have to go get 3 burgers instead of 1, and it quickly adds up (especially because these kids eat a lot). all while my sister is sleeping. this has been going on for at least 6 years. even when i do cook at home, i have to cook for at least 3 people so it adds up even if i decide to cook at home. today was the first time i bought food for myself only. i walk in and my nephew asks me “what’s that” (pointing at my burger). i told him “food”, which he replied “what food”. he’s old enough to know what it is, he just wanted me to tell him i had a burger for him waiting somewhere. again, i have done this for over 6 years constantly buying myself and them food so i’m tired at this point. this is the reason why i don’t have kids, because i know they’re expensive. my sister relies too much on me feeding her children. she makes good money so it’s not a money issues it’s just that she’s sleeping all the time. i know it’s not the kids fault but im tired of having to spend 3x the amount if i decide to get takeout. aita? [/INST] nta, food x3 is expensive. but your nephews may not understand the monetary dynamics between you and your sister. it would be good to have given her a warning like “i won’t be buying food for your kids, you need to prepare food for them”, or let the kids know that their mom would be getting them food from now on. </s>
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AITA for not making my daughter invite special needs kid to her birthday?
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my daughter is turning 7, and we're going to a movie and pizza for her party. at her school the policy is all boys/girls or the whole class. some parents have gone around that but i don't like that whole dynamic so i'm making her stick to the school guidelines. she wants to invite her whole class.
here's where i might have messed up. when we were writing out the invitations daughter asked me if we had to invite "avery". avery has autism and something else, and she's barely verbal, very hyperactive, and isn't potty trained. my daughter comes home with a story about something this kid did easily twice a week. she said she doesn't want everyone paying attention to avery "like they always do at school." i thought about it and decided daughter doesn't have to invite her. i have nothing against the girl, but i respect my daughter's choice.
well, apparently one of the other parents is friends with avery's mom, and she complained to me when she said avery didn't get an invitation. i told the other parent it wasn't malicious but i do want my daughter to be able to enjoy her birthday party without having to always be "inclusive." she must have passed this on because the girl's mom messaged me and said "thanks for reminding us yet again that we don't get invited to things." i apologized but i stood firm.
i really don't want to make my daughter be miserable at her own birthday party, especially since she didn't even get a party last year thanks to pandemic. but after the backlash i got i have to wonder if i'm somehow missing a chance to teach my daughter not to discriminate. so aita?
| 7,625 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qu70x1/aita_for_not_making_my_daughter_invite_special/
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2021-11-15 03:32:28
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yta, you didn’t stick to the guidelines. you invited everyone except one person, which is literally the reason the rule exists, and you did it for ableist reasons. you’re the reason the rule exists. good job
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this is a hard one because i have kids with disabilities that never get invited to things and it's so devastatingly heartbreaking seeing them so hurt. my son is 7.5 and has never even been asked for a playdate. my 15yo has never had a party. but the fact is your daughter comes first and if she will feel uncomfortable about inviting the child with special needs, then that seriously needs consideration.
i do think you need to talk to your daughter though about inclusivity and acceptance, but she still shouldn't be forced to invite someone she doesn't want to.
i don't think inviting the whole class and excluding that one child was the right thing to do. that is a real asshole move for sure. you could have invited just a handful of kids (the school rules are bs), the school really can't tell you who you can and can't invite to a party, that's none of their business. there are ways you could have sent invites without disrupting the teacher and class.
i know this isn't quite the same but i won't "restrict" certain party foods in case of other kids having allergies, it's my child's party and they should be able to eat whatever without dietry/allergy restrictions. i will inform the parents that it's not an allergen safe party. i'm more than happy to supply some allergen free food and keep it separate from the rest. but cross contamination is still a high risk, so i would inform the parents and they can decide whether or not to take the chance, not come or bring their own food with them.
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yta. you started off by saying that you’re making her stick to the school guidelines because you don’t “like the dynamic” just to leave out one girl because she has special needs. at that point you might as well have just fully broken guidelines & only invited her close friends.
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this is tough for me. my very first birthday party i had, i was turning 6 and we went to a chuck-e-cheese style place. all the kids in my class were invited. only one of the other parents stuck around out of the kids that arrived. we didn't know it at the time, but one of the girls had mental health issues. her grandmother dropped her off and this birthday is just lodged in my memory because of this girl. she blew the candles on my cake, opened all my presents, and cried on multiple indoor rides and slides so we were no longer allowed to play in/on them. i was absolutely miserable. we found out by 3rd grade that she had mental health issues and was transferred to another school because of it. i still don't think it's a good thing to not include avery, but i do think if her parents will be there and make sure she is not the center of attention, it would make the difference.
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i don't understand why schools get involved in what you do at your house. if you want to invite a few friends, it's nobody else's business. period.
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nta.
this “everyone must always be included” shtick is actually harmful to children in the long run. it teaches them they’re not allowed to exclude people they don’t like, people who bully them, people who trample boundaries etc. i say this as a (now adult) child who was regularly excluded because my adhd made me a hard kid to handle.
it’s not your child’s job to make sure avery has childhood experiences - that’s her parents job and they can do that by hosting a birthday party for avery.
the school can’t enforce anything. they can’t prevent you from hosting a birthday party outside of school time and they can’t force you to invite anyone - they’re all wind. let the other parents whine all they want.
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nta. the age of 7 is when i recall getting frustrated with the fact that my mother would invite kids i did not want around at my birthday party. my 8th birthday was the last time as i broke down crying before my 9th birthday and told her i did not want someone i don't want to spend time with on my special day.
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contrary to popular agreement, nta..
i agree with inclusivity, and i understand they'd feel left out . but here your daughter's happiness is important as it's her birthday.. she shouldn't be forced to spend time with someone she doesn't want to..
if she was older, i'd say, it's now time for her to understand about inclusivity, and learnt to be emphatic, but now.. it's her birthday, it's upto you and her..
may be as a compromise just invite her to pizza, if it's gonna be an issue
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yta you said you were going to invite everyone and make her stick to the school guidelines. that means everyone. that includes the disabled kid.
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nta this is your daughter's birthday. she should feel free to invite or not invite whomever she wants to. that other parent had no business gossiping to the parent of the autistic child what you said
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter is turning 7, and we're going to a movie and pizza for her party. at her school the policy is all boys/girls or the whole class. some parents have gone around that but i don't like that whole dynamic so i'm making her stick to the school guidelines. she wants to invite her whole class. here's where i might have messed up. when we were writing out the invitations daughter asked me if we had to invite "avery". avery has autism and something else, and she's barely verbal, very hyperactive, and isn't potty trained. my daughter comes home with a story about something this kid did easily twice a week. she said she doesn't want everyone paying attention to avery "like they always do at school." i thought about it and decided daughter doesn't have to invite her. i have nothing against the girl, but i respect my daughter's choice. well, apparently one of the other parents is friends with avery's mom, and she complained to me when she said avery didn't get an invitation. i told the other parent it wasn't malicious but i do want my daughter to be able to enjoy her birthday party without having to always be "inclusive." she must have passed this on because the girl's mom messaged me and said "thanks for reminding us yet again that we don't get invited to things." i apologized but i stood firm. i really don't want to make my daughter be miserable at her own birthday party, especially since she didn't even get a party last year thanks to pandemic. but after the backlash i got i have to wonder if i'm somehow missing a chance to teach my daughter not to discriminate. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter is turning 7, and we're going to a movie and pizza for her party. at her school the policy is all boys/girls or the whole class. some parents have gone around that but i don't like that whole dynamic so i'm making her stick to the school guidelines. she wants to invite her whole class. here's where i might have messed up. when we were writing out the invitations daughter asked me if we had to invite "avery". avery has autism and something else, and she's barely verbal, very hyperactive, and isn't potty trained. my daughter comes home with a story about something this kid did easily twice a week. she said she doesn't want everyone paying attention to avery "like they always do at school." i thought about it and decided daughter doesn't have to invite her. i have nothing against the girl, but i respect my daughter's choice. well, apparently one of the other parents is friends with avery's mom, and she complained to me when she said avery didn't get an invitation. i told the other parent it wasn't malicious but i do want my daughter to be able to enjoy her birthday party without having to always be "inclusive." she must have passed this on because the girl's mom messaged me and said "thanks for reminding us yet again that we don't get invited to things." i apologized but i stood firm. i really don't want to make my daughter be miserable at her own birthday party, especially since she didn't even get a party last year thanks to pandemic. but after the backlash i got i have to wonder if i'm somehow missing a chance to teach my daughter not to discriminate. so aita? [/INST] yta, you didn’t stick to the guidelines. you invited everyone except one person, which is literally the reason the rule exists, and you did it for ableist reasons. you’re the reason the rule exists. good job </s>
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AITA for buying horses instead of helping my friend's debt out?
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english is not my first language so bear with me:
my friend got scammed last week and ended up losing 30k. her parents are not offering to help and she's on her own. she told me she called everyone she knew for money and she got approximately 6k but she's about to be homeless and completely broke.
i told her i could, at most, let her crash in my house for a month or two while she got her stuff together but that i wasn't going to lend her any money.
i don't have a job, and i live on my parent's allowance. my parents taught me never lend money around because if the word gets out, i'll have a lot of people suddenly struggling to make ends meet.
anyway, yesterday, i bought some horses because horses are social animals and i only had one, which i think is sort of animal cruelty. my friend found out and got hurt that i would rather spend money on horses than "someone in need".
i find it very hard to sympathize with her because she got scammed very obviously, and i had told her before i do not mix finances with friendship. but i do understand why she could be upset. my other friends said it was insensitive, or that i should have helped a little bit but idk.
aita?
| 649 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tca1hz/aita_for_buying_horses_instead_of_helping_my/
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2022-03-12 06:12:20
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nta. your friend had no business commenting on your horse purchase. she's laying a guilt trip on you, ignoring the fact that you offered to house her for a month, something a real victim would not do. she is only seeing value in cash. the scam is her claim of having been scammed.
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50/50 you don't have to give them any money but anyone who lives off an allowance and buys horses has to be an asshole
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nta - you're correct, horses are social animals and they are better in groups.
beyond that, you did offer to help. you said you'd give her a place to stay. that, in and of itself, is keeping her from being homeless.
after her refusal of your generous offer, it's up to her. i would consider if she doesn't see your offer as helpful, you may want to reconsider her staying with you. it could lead to more drama.
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how is she broke when she got 6k? anybody else notice that? nta, btw.
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nta. you’re on an allowance; it’s not your money. your parents have told you not to lend money to friends—and it would be pretty bold to lend their money. the friends that criticize you can give her money themselves. and it’s pretty ungrateful for your friend to complain that what you offered isn’t good enough.
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no judgement just a little prayer for god to grant me with your kind of problems… oh to live on daddy’s money and buy horses on a whim
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nta. i work at a bank and deal with ppl getting scammed all the time. you should not let her carelessness and stupidity burden you. she needs to learn the hard way everything in life has outcomes based on your own actions. if you help bail her out she will just lose even more next time. she is the asshole for even impossing on you for money because of her fuck up. it speaks of her character far more. why are you required to do something her own parents won't. don't let it get to you if she becomes nasty cut ties and move on with your life friends come and go a lot more than you think as you get older. the one who puts you into this position is the shit friend.
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nta, you do not owe her any explanation for spending your own money.
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her emergency is not yours.
she’s ta not you.
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nta ~~i n f o~~
> she got scammed very obviously
**what *exactly* was the scam?**
i think i'd probably go n a h, but that might depend on *just how gullible* your friend actually was here, and *why she went along with it*.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: english is not my first language so bear with me: my friend got scammed last week and ended up losing 30k. her parents are not offering to help and she's on her own. she told me she called everyone she knew for money and she got approximately 6k but she's about to be homeless and completely broke. i told her i could, at most, let her crash in my house for a month or two while she got her stuff together but that i wasn't going to lend her any money. i don't have a job, and i live on my parent's allowance. my parents taught me never lend money around because if the word gets out, i'll have a lot of people suddenly struggling to make ends meet. anyway, yesterday, i bought some horses because horses are social animals and i only had one, which i think is sort of animal cruelty. my friend found out and got hurt that i would rather spend money on horses than "someone in need". i find it very hard to sympathize with her because she got scammed very obviously, and i had told her before i do not mix finances with friendship. but i do understand why she could be upset. my other friends said it was insensitive, or that i should have helped a little bit but idk. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
english is not my first language so bear with me: my friend got scammed last week and ended up losing 30k. her parents are not offering to help and she's on her own. she told me she called everyone she knew for money and she got approximately 6k but she's about to be homeless and completely broke. i told her i could, at most, let her crash in my house for a month or two while she got her stuff together but that i wasn't going to lend her any money. i don't have a job, and i live on my parent's allowance. my parents taught me never lend money around because if the word gets out, i'll have a lot of people suddenly struggling to make ends meet. anyway, yesterday, i bought some horses because horses are social animals and i only had one, which i think is sort of animal cruelty. my friend found out and got hurt that i would rather spend money on horses than "someone in need". i find it very hard to sympathize with her because she got scammed very obviously, and i had told her before i do not mix finances with friendship. but i do understand why she could be upset. my other friends said it was insensitive, or that i should have helped a little bit but idk. aita? [/INST] nta. your friend had no business commenting on your horse purchase. she's laying a guilt trip on you, ignoring the fact that you offered to house her for a month, something a real victim would not do. she is only seeing value in cash. the scam is her claim of having been scammed. </s>
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AITA for being mom at my mother looking through my phone without permission?
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i (24f) have been staying with my parents for the last 3 days because i am studying for my finals. me and my mother are really close and i tell her everything, even though i know she is nosy af. anyway, yesterday i was in my room studying and had not checked my phone which i had left in her room, for several hours. when i went to her room for a visit, i noticed my phone was unlocked (even though it has a password and i had not touched it at all). i check, and i see that someone has gone through all of my messenger conversations up to april 2022 and in fact has left one open. obviously my mother, as the phone was in her room. i confonted her about it, she denied it at first, but then admitted she had noticed what my password was and was just curious to see what i was talking about with my friends. i obviously got furious because this seems premeditated, i mean who memorizes someone's password with the sole purpose of violating their privacy? i tried to explain to her how violated i felt and she did apologize, but she was laughing about it and my father tried to gaslight me as well, saying she wasn't looking through my phone, that she got confused thinking it was her own phone etc etc. which made me even more furious. and then i obviously was mad and upset, and now they are both saying i overreacted and she was just being silly. but i don't feel i can trust her when she acts like this and i can't forgive her. she is crying and is saying that i took it too far by not forgiving her. she has done it before and i believe will do it again, as she asked me "what do you have to hide anyway?".
aita?
| 176 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vgguam/aita_for_being_mom_at_my_mother_looking_through/
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2022-06-20 08:44:58
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nta
she violated your privacy. the only reason she's crying is because she was called out . change your password. leave as soon as possible.
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nta - your mom has boundry issues, especially since you say she is very nosey. she broke your trust and privacy by going through your phone.
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nta wow! get out of there as soon as you can! your mom has no boundaries and feels fine invading your privacy and lying to your face. you are absolutely justified to feel angry and violated by her actions. it shows a massive lack of respect. she had no right. and your dad excusing it just shows how little they care about your privacy and feelings. they are treating you like you're still a little girl. it's not ok!
change your password, and never unlock it in front of them again (or use biometrics like fingerprints), and set boundaries from this point on.
good luck!
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nta
mom, i don't feel i am overreacting. you're demonstrating i can't trust my own mother.
change your password and don't let her know the new one, plus make sure you always have your phone on you in future.
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welp, she broke the privilege of having your trust.
you aren't responsible for her feelings, you're not obliged to make her feel better at your expense and you're not obliged to forgive someone, upset or not.
she's crying about herself, not a word about how you feel.
password, biometrics and a bit of distance.
it's taking advantage of your former closeness and your living at home.
"what have you got to hide"?
"what on earth gives you the idea that my having a private life as an adult is hiding anything, or that it's any of your business and why are you making it about you, i'm the injured party and where's my apology "?!
nta.
call. her. out.
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nta. she has not respected your privacy and has lied to you. i trust you've changed your password.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (24f) have been staying with my parents for the last 3 days because i am studying for my finals. me and my mother are really close and i tell her everything, even though i know she is nosy af. anyway, yesterday i was in my room studying and had not checked my phone which i had left in her room, for several hours. when i went to her room for a visit, i noticed my phone was unlocked (even though it has a password and i had not touched it at all). i check, and i see that someone has gone through all of my messenger conversations up to april 2022 and in fact has left one open. obviously my mother, as the phone was in her room. i confonted her about it, she denied it at first, but then admitted she had noticed what my password was and was just curious to see what i was talking about with my friends. i obviously got furious because this seems premeditated, i mean who memorizes someone's password with the sole purpose of violating their privacy? i tried to explain to her how violated i felt and she did apologize, but she was laughing about it and my father tried to gaslight me as well, saying she wasn't looking through my phone, that she got confused thinking it was her own phone etc etc. which made me even more furious. and then i obviously was mad and upset, and now they are both saying i overreacted and she was just being silly. but i don't feel i can trust her when she acts like this and i can't forgive her. she is crying and is saying that i took it too far by not forgiving her. she has done it before and i believe will do it again, as she asked me "what do you have to hide anyway?". aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (24f) have been staying with my parents for the last 3 days because i am studying for my finals. me and my mother are really close and i tell her everything, even though i know she is nosy af. anyway, yesterday i was in my room studying and had not checked my phone which i had left in her room, for several hours. when i went to her room for a visit, i noticed my phone was unlocked (even though it has a password and i had not touched it at all). i check, and i see that someone has gone through all of my messenger conversations up to april 2022 and in fact has left one open. obviously my mother, as the phone was in her room. i confonted her about it, she denied it at first, but then admitted she had noticed what my password was and was just curious to see what i was talking about with my friends. i obviously got furious because this seems premeditated, i mean who memorizes someone's password with the sole purpose of violating their privacy? i tried to explain to her how violated i felt and she did apologize, but she was laughing about it and my father tried to gaslight me as well, saying she wasn't looking through my phone, that she got confused thinking it was her own phone etc etc. which made me even more furious. and then i obviously was mad and upset, and now they are both saying i overreacted and she was just being silly. but i don't feel i can trust her when she acts like this and i can't forgive her. she is crying and is saying that i took it too far by not forgiving her. she has done it before and i believe will do it again, as she asked me "what do you have to hide anyway?". aita? [/INST] nta she violated your privacy. the only reason she's crying is because she was called out . change your password. leave as soon as possible. </s>
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AITA for ratting out a substitute teacher?
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so i was in a class with a sub, and we were (i admit) being a bit loud, so the sub asked us to be quiet. we did and all was well, we were still chitchatting but nothing unordinary happened until me and a few others notice the sub had taken out her phone and started recording us (we are minors). we kept asking her why she was recording us, but insisted we get back to our work. she kept recording us for a few minutes and i politely asked her to delete the videos. she refused and kept recording. i decided i had had enough, as me and many others were very uncomfortable with the situation. i went to the main office and on my way out of the classroom she stopped and asked me where i was going, i told her and she said “go sit back down” so i told her again to delete the videos. we went back and forth (and i admit, i did have a slight attitude). i ended up walking out and telling the vice principal about it, and she is at risk of getting fired. my teacher is very upset with what i did and now i am feeling a lot of regret. aita?
| 242 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t6usk6/aita_for_ratting_out_a_substitute_teacher/
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2022-03-04 22:32:39
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nta. this teacher has no business recording a bunch of minors without prior approval and consent. if she gets fired, she has only herself to blame.
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nta. as a teacher i am appalled at this sub’s actions. don’t know the legality of it where you are but teachers here are allowed to take photos and videos of students for portfolios, communication books, school promotional websites etc but only on school devices and only with parental permission (we send notes home beginning of every year to confirm that they’re permitting us to take photos/videos for specific educational reasons). what this teacher is doing is recording unwanted behaviour and i honestly don’t know why. is she wanting to show her colleagues, principal, friends?! there is no reason i can think of that is acceptable for recording ‘rowdy’ students.
good on you for calling out her behaviour and i hope she learns a valuable lesson from this incident. i don’t know if it’s enough to get her fired but she’ll be on probation for sure after this!
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nta why was she recording you??
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update : the substitute lied to the vice principal/principal saying she tried to “scare” us by the phone, although she admitted it. i emailed the teacher about what happened, as i don’t believe the substitute told the entire story to her. i will keep u all updated
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nta. you're minors and she wouldn't explain why she was recording you without your consent . you did the right thing . your teacher should stfu
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definitely nta, she made you feel uncomfortable, you told her to stop, she didn't and then you told the vice principal.
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nta. i'm a teacher. if a colleague or substitute did that, you bet i'd be reporting it to the principal. you did the right thing.
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nta. you did the correct thing. this teacher should be fired. it is totally inappropriate to film students.
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i was in a class with a sub, and we were (i admit) being a bit loud, so the sub asked us to be quiet. we did and all was well, we were still chitchatting but nothing unordinary happened until me and a few others notice the sub had taken out her phone and started recording us (we are minors). we kept asking her why she was recording us, but insisted we get back to our work. she kept recording us for a few minutes and i politely asked her to delete the videos. she refused and kept recording. i decided i had had enough, as me and many others were very uncomfortable with the situation. i went to the main office and on my way out of the classroom she stopped and asked me where i was going, i told her and she said “go sit back down” so i told her again to delete the videos. we went back and forth (and i admit, i did have a slight attitude). i ended up walking out and telling the vice principal about it, and she is at risk of getting fired. my teacher is very upset with what i did and now i am feeling a lot of regret. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i was in a class with a sub, and we were (i admit) being a bit loud, so the sub asked us to be quiet. we did and all was well, we were still chitchatting but nothing unordinary happened until me and a few others notice the sub had taken out her phone and started recording us (we are minors). we kept asking her why she was recording us, but insisted we get back to our work. she kept recording us for a few minutes and i politely asked her to delete the videos. she refused and kept recording. i decided i had had enough, as me and many others were very uncomfortable with the situation. i went to the main office and on my way out of the classroom she stopped and asked me where i was going, i told her and she said “go sit back down” so i told her again to delete the videos. we went back and forth (and i admit, i did have a slight attitude). i ended up walking out and telling the vice principal about it, and she is at risk of getting fired. my teacher is very upset with what i did and now i am feeling a lot of regret. aita? [/INST] nta. this teacher has no business recording a bunch of minors without prior approval and consent. if she gets fired, she has only herself to blame. </s>
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AITA for telling BF he doesn't have the right body type?
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throwaway bc i don't want it associated with my main account.
i met my bf before the plague and he moved in roughly six months ago. he's the first guy i'm serious about to the extent of moving in with.
i have a regular 9-5 job, and make some money on the side from art commissions. some of the stuff i draw is pretty explicit, nsfw sells well and frankly i enjoy drawing skin. bf is aware of this since before moving in, as i share blatantly censored stuff from my art acct on my personal acct all the time and he's also seen me draw.
anyway, my current client commissioned an explicit illustration of them and their partner's male characters from an mmo game getting it on in one of the game's dungeons. if y'all played mmos, then you know male chars are beefy chads most of the time, and i am not confident enough in my ability to render muscles without references.
so when my bf comes by, he pretty much found me screencapping gay pron on one screen and the other is filled with reference pictures spread out as i was trying to decide which worked best for the pose i had in mind. and. he. flipped.
he goes on a rant and tells me that he stopped watching pornos after moving in. coolio, except i never asked him to, nor am i watching for entertainment purposes. he asked my why am i not looking at naked women if it's for work and not fun, i told him i would and i do when i'm drawing toned females. i don't need to for regular/sexy built ladies bc i can manage without. he then asks me why i don't ask him to model instead, and this is where i may have been ta. i told him he just doesn't have the right body type. you see, my bf is lean and athletic, but he's not toned at all, so him modelling would do diddly squat for my current drawing's needs.
he went silent and has been kinda pissy for the last couple of days, and today i got called out by one of his friends who accused me of body shaming him and making him self-conscious about his built. and i'm at a loss, i don't feel like aita, but maybe i am and i need an outside opinion.
&#x200b;
| 4,578 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wyle8a/aita_for_telling_bf_he_doesnt_have_the_right_body/
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2022-08-26 21:55:16
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nta really
he got into your business when he didn't need to and inappropriately suggested himself as a model just because he doesn't want you looking at other dudes.
but instead of ragging on his body, rag on his behavior. the jealousy and anger over this is controlling and not okay.
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nta. could you have put your statement in a more sensitive way, e.g. "you do not match the body type requested by this customer"? sure.
but were you an ah for honestly answering his question? no.
look, i'm a plus-size woman. i have insecurities about that, despite the fact that i know that my past boyfriends have found me attractive. and if my boyfriend was an artist using gorgeous slender women as references, i might need some reassurance that he still found me attractive. but the fact is, i'm not every man's fantasy and commissioned art pieces have to match the *customer's* taste.
honestly, it seems like he got mad based on his incorrect assumptions when he first saw you, then wasn't able to calm down enough to really listen to your quite reasonable responses, and now is stewing in his anger to avoid having to face his own body and relationship insecurities.
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nta but you could have worded things better. sounds like you need to sit down and have a chat about expectations since he seems to be jealous about you looking at stuff for work that wasn't even for pleasure for yourself. i'm seeing red flags and it's not you causing them.
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nta. the part of your sentence that was missing was “for this project.” obviously, he’s the right body type for you. you were using these images the way any artist would use a model. fortunately for you, the images were free, and a model would charge. besides, would he really want you using a model?
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nta, drawing muscles is hard, especially on the beefy male characters, which have a lot of (sometimes unrealistic) muscles. you need the right reference to pose them right. your bf knew the type of art you get commissions for. you have said you weren't looking at those pictures for your own enjoyment, but even if you were that shouldn't be that much of a deal to cause such an overreaction on his part.
your bf probably has some insecurities, some body image issues. but to be able to move past this and progress in the relationship, he must be willing to listen to you and what you are saying to him, instead of jumping to conclusions.
just out of curiosity, have he never seen you draw a male character in the nude before? is that what is causing issue? if he saw you draw before, what is making this case different?
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nta. sounds like this is legit research for work. kinda straight facts here. you could have made up a lie about being uncomfortable with using your partner’s body as a reference for explicit content that someone else will see, but the honest, and easiest answer is “i need a different body type”. i don’t think he’s upset about the actual issue at hand
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nta... don't get it. why is he getting mad now after all of these many months of dating with someone that he already knows draws naked people for a living? heck, you weren't even physically drawing someone and just doing it from the internet. lol
good luck.
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nta, and i have to add that even if you were looking at p*rn for other reasons, that shouldn't matter..
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nta
it used to be if you wanted to meddle in someone's relationship, you had to drive across town, knock on their door, sit on their couch, and have the balls to tell them your opinion on their actions mattered for some reason. cell phones changed that. anyway...
your boyfriend is immature. he's complaining to his friend instead of talking to you. his friend isn't your concern so ignore him. wait for your boyfriend to come back to talk. that part is important. he needs to grow up and come back.
good luck with him and your commission.
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nta. it sounds like he's having trouble distinguishing between your relationship and work. i don't think you were body shaming him, unless your tone at the time implied it. maybe you could give him some reassurance that these are just models for particular pieces of artwork and not personal inspiration.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway bc i don't want it associated with my main account. i met my bf before the plague and he moved in roughly six months ago. he's the first guy i'm serious about to the extent of moving in with. i have a regular 9-5 job, and make some money on the side from art commissions. some of the stuff i draw is pretty explicit, nsfw sells well and frankly i enjoy drawing skin. bf is aware of this since before moving in, as i share blatantly censored stuff from my art acct on my personal acct all the time and he's also seen me draw. anyway, my current client commissioned an explicit illustration of them and their partner's male characters from an mmo game getting it on in one of the game's dungeons. if y'all played mmos, then you know male chars are beefy chads most of the time, and i am not confident enough in my ability to render muscles without references. so when my bf comes by, he pretty much found me screencapping gay pron on one screen and the other is filled with reference pictures spread out as i was trying to decide which worked best for the pose i had in mind. and. he. flipped. he goes on a rant and tells me that he stopped watching pornos after moving in. coolio, except i never asked him to, nor am i watching for entertainment purposes. he asked my why am i not looking at naked women if it's for work and not fun, i told him i would and i do when i'm drawing toned females. i don't need to for regular/sexy built ladies bc i can manage without. he then asks me why i don't ask him to model instead, and this is where i may have been ta. i told him he just doesn't have the right body type. you see, my bf is lean and athletic, but he's not toned at all, so him modelling would do diddly squat for my current drawing's needs. he went silent and has been kinda pissy for the last couple of days, and today i got called out by one of his friends who accused me of body shaming him and making him self-conscious about his built. and i'm at a loss, i don't feel like aita, but maybe i am and i need an outside opinion. &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway bc i don't want it associated with my main account. i met my bf before the plague and he moved in roughly six months ago. he's the first guy i'm serious about to the extent of moving in with. i have a regular 9-5 job, and make some money on the side from art commissions. some of the stuff i draw is pretty explicit, nsfw sells well and frankly i enjoy drawing skin. bf is aware of this since before moving in, as i share blatantly censored stuff from my art acct on my personal acct all the time and he's also seen me draw. anyway, my current client commissioned an explicit illustration of them and their partner's male characters from an mmo game getting it on in one of the game's dungeons. if y'all played mmos, then you know male chars are beefy chads most of the time, and i am not confident enough in my ability to render muscles without references. so when my bf comes by, he pretty much found me screencapping gay pron on one screen and the other is filled with reference pictures spread out as i was trying to decide which worked best for the pose i had in mind. and. he. flipped. he goes on a rant and tells me that he stopped watching pornos after moving in. coolio, except i never asked him to, nor am i watching for entertainment purposes. he asked my why am i not looking at naked women if it's for work and not fun, i told him i would and i do when i'm drawing toned females. i don't need to for regular/sexy built ladies bc i can manage without. he then asks me why i don't ask him to model instead, and this is where i may have been ta. i told him he just doesn't have the right body type. you see, my bf is lean and athletic, but he's not toned at all, so him modelling would do diddly squat for my current drawing's needs. he went silent and has been kinda pissy for the last couple of days, and today i got called out by one of his friends who accused me of body shaming him and making him self-conscious about his built. and i'm at a loss, i don't feel like aita, but maybe i am and i need an outside opinion. &#x200b; [/INST] nta really he got into your business when he didn't need to and inappropriately suggested himself as a model just because he doesn't want you looking at other dudes. but instead of ragging on his body, rag on his behavior. the jealousy and anger over this is controlling and not okay. </s>
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AITA for telling my teenage daughter I don’t feel the need to tell her I love her?
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when i was 18 i got pregnant with my boyfriend at the time. he really pushed for an abortion but i had extremely strict parents who were against it, so i had her. she’s now 13, beautiful and very popular. her father isn’t in her life. i love her, it’s a given i love her, she’s my daughter.
i’ve never been an overly affectionate person, cuddling and verbally showing my daughter affection just isn’t something i feel comfortable doing, and i didn’t think it was much of an issue to her.
last night at the dinner table, we somehow got onto the topic of affection. she opened up and told me that she was jealous of her friends families who were open with love and displayed lots of affection. she said she wanted to discuss the potential of telling each other we love each other and hugging and stuff. i told her that i don’t feel the need to tell her i love her, and that she should just know that i do because i’m her mom.
she got upset and went upstairs to her room, and i heard her on the phone to her best friend saying that she feels like i don’t love her. i talked to my parents about it and they told me an i’m asshole for not having at least a conversation with her about it. aita?
| 3,357 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h91754/aita_for_telling_my_teenage_daughter_i_dont_feel/
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2020-06-14 20:34:32
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yta - you do realise plenty of parents don’t actually love their kids right?
how is she suppose to know you love her if you don’t show/tell her
just because your suppose to love her doesn’t mean you do/will
worse still you won’t even have a conversation about it, you won’t even let her explain herself or how she feels
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yta.
your daughter needs you to say three words to her, and give her an occasional hug.
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yta
your daughter is clearly feeling like she isn't loved at home and literally asked for help. your reaction was to tell her no.
is it such an imposition to say the words "i love you"? expression of affection is a big thing for someone who is struggling with their identity (like most teenagers are). they need to hear that they have someone in their corner. just being her mom is not enough for her to know how much you love her.
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yta
this isn't about what you need. it's about what your daughter needs.
first she needs you to listen when she voices a concern.
second she needs you to *listen* when she voices a concern.
third she needs you to realise that all children need affection from their parents, whether or not the parents feel the need to give it. it's almost like your child and her needs aren't an extension of you and your needs, but rather an individual human being.
fourth she needs you to be really proud of her for turning out as mature and emotionally intelligent as to be able to identify and voice her needs like she did. be proud of her, because she did that without your input, as you appear to have the emotional intelligence of a cucumber.
fifth she needs *you* to listen when she voices a concern. you're her mom and she wants a relationship with you. if you want your relationship with her to last beyond the day she moves out of the family home, you'll want to start listening to her rather than dismissing her needs with your self-centered focus on what you don't need.
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your parents are right. yta. your poor daughter does not have one parent in her life that tells her and shows her she’s loved. jesus woman, fix that.
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yta. just reading your side of the story, you sound incredibly cold. i can't imagine what it's been like for your daughter to experience that for 13 years. you listened to her on the phone saying she doesn't feel loved, and you still needed your parents to give you a reality check on that? it didn't immediately raise alarm bells for you on its own??
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yta. not everyone has the same love language even in family dynamics. some people need to hear it and you shut her down when she told you her needs.
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yta. concur with your parents. you refused to even have the conversation with her. you’re her mom, she went to you with a topic that clearly means a lot to her and you brushed her off. and if you need to make concessions such as telling your daughter the words “i love you” then that’s what you have to do as a parent. your daughter seeks open love and affection from you. that’s a beautiful thing even if it’s not your style.
you owe her an apology and a real heart to heart convo on this topic.
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yta - it’s not about you. someone in your life that you care about is asking you for confirmation of your feelings in a way that would benefit them.
regardless of the relationship, people who care about other people will do things for them because they love them. you don’t get to say what she should or should not feel. she’s asking you for something that would greatly benefit her and is of no effort to you, and you’re telling her no. sounds like you don’t love her.
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awe poor kid! you're definitely the ah. show the kid some bloody affection, that'll affect her badly later on.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when i was 18 i got pregnant with my boyfriend at the time. he really pushed for an abortion but i had extremely strict parents who were against it, so i had her. she’s now 13, beautiful and very popular. her father isn’t in her life. i love her, it’s a given i love her, she’s my daughter. i’ve never been an overly affectionate person, cuddling and verbally showing my daughter affection just isn’t something i feel comfortable doing, and i didn’t think it was much of an issue to her. last night at the dinner table, we somehow got onto the topic of affection. she opened up and told me that she was jealous of her friends families who were open with love and displayed lots of affection. she said she wanted to discuss the potential of telling each other we love each other and hugging and stuff. i told her that i don’t feel the need to tell her i love her, and that she should just know that i do because i’m her mom. she got upset and went upstairs to her room, and i heard her on the phone to her best friend saying that she feels like i don’t love her. i talked to my parents about it and they told me an i’m asshole for not having at least a conversation with her about it. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
when i was 18 i got pregnant with my boyfriend at the time. he really pushed for an abortion but i had extremely strict parents who were against it, so i had her. she’s now 13, beautiful and very popular. her father isn’t in her life. i love her, it’s a given i love her, she’s my daughter. i’ve never been an overly affectionate person, cuddling and verbally showing my daughter affection just isn’t something i feel comfortable doing, and i didn’t think it was much of an issue to her. last night at the dinner table, we somehow got onto the topic of affection. she opened up and told me that she was jealous of her friends families who were open with love and displayed lots of affection. she said she wanted to discuss the potential of telling each other we love each other and hugging and stuff. i told her that i don’t feel the need to tell her i love her, and that she should just know that i do because i’m her mom. she got upset and went upstairs to her room, and i heard her on the phone to her best friend saying that she feels like i don’t love her. i talked to my parents about it and they told me an i’m asshole for not having at least a conversation with her about it. aita? [/INST] yta - you do realise plenty of parents don’t actually love their kids right? how is she suppose to know you love her if you don’t show/tell her just because your suppose to love her doesn’t mean you do/will worse still you won’t even have a conversation about it, you won’t even let her explain herself or how she feels </s>
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AITA for saying I won’t go on another family vacation unless I have my own room?
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my (23f) boyfriend’s (24m) family goes on vacation a couple times a year. vacation consists of his parents and his brother and sil with their two kids (6 and 8). my boyfriend and i have been together for about 5 years and are extremely close to his niece and nephew.
i noticed my boyfriend’s family started taking my initiative to be close with the kids as expectations. we turned into babysitters over the years. while i love being around the kids, i also like a minute to myself especially since i’m an introvert.
we sleep in the living room of the family houses we visit. the families are more conservative in that aspect and we simply don’t have the room, either. when the brother’s family visits my boyfriend’s parent’s house, we are moved to the living room while they take his room. there’s four of them, so i understand. sleeping in the main room doesn’t make me as uncomfortable now that i know them, but over time, his family has become less and less respectful of our “space”. we are kept awake until everyone else wants to go to bed and woken up early, too. oftentimes, the kids sleep in the room with us. when they get up, we are expected to get up and entertain them. not having my own room doesn’t upset me; i get upset about not having personal space or a say in my sleep schedule.
the sleep set up is for vacations as well. my boyfriend’s mom books and pays for the vacations even though we all offer to help pay. because of this, i’ve never felt like i have a say in where i sleep.
so on vacations, i don’t have space or time to myself, and i don’t get much sleep. i always become tired, irritable, and annoyed. i love being around his family, but i hate being so overwhelmed. i’ve expressed all of this to my boyfriend, but he primarily asks me to deal with it as best as i can. he hates confrontation of any kind. for my mental health though, i’ve said we need our own room, and i won’t go on another vacation without one. i need time to recoup everyday.
last time, his mother booked what she said was three bedrooms, and we helped pay. but it was a two bedroom, and his parents took the living room. i felt guilty because they’re older and pay for the majority of the trip. his brother’s family was confused as to why we got the other room as well, but having my own space helped tremendously. i wasn’t exhausted and enjoyed the whole trip. the only time we spent in the room was at night.
another vacation is coming up soon, and it’s another two bedroom. three bedrooms is usually too expensive, so most vacations will be two. this is where i feel like i’m the asshole because someone will have to take the living room. his mom has said we can have the other room, but i feel guilty. i also know i need space to myself, though. so i’m probably taking the room anyways despite feeling guilty about it.
aita for requesting to have a room to ourselves on family vacations?
| 222 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qc96fo/aita_for_saying_i_wont_go_on_another_family/
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2021-10-20 19:44:20
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nta. six adults are going on a trip and you can't afford a three bedroom accommodation between you? that doesn't seem right. or is it that bil and sil aren't contributing towards it? a couple absolutely needs their own space and it is pretty ridiculous you have had to insist on getting the space you need. your boyfriend is to blame here, too, though. he was letting you deal with it because he doesn't like confrontation. what's gonna happen if you decide to get married and have kids? is he gonna let his family interfere whenever they want so he doesn't need to have confrontation? i think you have a bigger problem to address.
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do the older brother and sister in law pay for the house too? it seems like it may make sense for everyone to pay and for the family to rent houses that are the appropriate size.
you’re nta for not wanting to go and be a free babysitter and sleep on a couch. vacations should never be an obligation that make you miserable.
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nta why don't you asked them to book a bigger place and you'll pay the difference?
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nta but y'all need a better system, maybe you rotate who gets the living room.
i've done big group get aways with my partners family, including sleeping in the living room, also with staying up way too late because others were having a good time. but first up was quiet while puttering around the kitchen, even the kids
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so long as you contribute a fair amount, nta. everyone should be chipping in to afford accommodations that suit the group.
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nta - i would be exactly the same as you. nobody else wants the living room yet they are quite willing to make you feel bad about it.
if i were you i would book a separate room the the same complex, or even offer to book the holidays from now on.
send your bf’s mum an email next time saying while you never want to stop holidaying together you are in need of space to recharge, and that you are willing to research 3bdrm properties and contribute financially to future holidays.
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nta. is it even 'vacation' if you're cramped like that?
maybe book your own room next time?
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (23f) boyfriend’s (24m) family goes on vacation a couple times a year. vacation consists of his parents and his brother and sil with their two kids (6 and 8). my boyfriend and i have been together for about 5 years and are extremely close to his niece and nephew. i noticed my boyfriend’s family started taking my initiative to be close with the kids as expectations. we turned into babysitters over the years. while i love being around the kids, i also like a minute to myself especially since i’m an introvert. we sleep in the living room of the family houses we visit. the families are more conservative in that aspect and we simply don’t have the room, either. when the brother’s family visits my boyfriend’s parent’s house, we are moved to the living room while they take his room. there’s four of them, so i understand. sleeping in the main room doesn’t make me as uncomfortable now that i know them, but over time, his family has become less and less respectful of our “space”. we are kept awake until everyone else wants to go to bed and woken up early, too. oftentimes, the kids sleep in the room with us. when they get up, we are expected to get up and entertain them. not having my own room doesn’t upset me; i get upset about not having personal space or a say in my sleep schedule. the sleep set up is for vacations as well. my boyfriend’s mom books and pays for the vacations even though we all offer to help pay. because of this, i’ve never felt like i have a say in where i sleep. so on vacations, i don’t have space or time to myself, and i don’t get much sleep. i always become tired, irritable, and annoyed. i love being around his family, but i hate being so overwhelmed. i’ve expressed all of this to my boyfriend, but he primarily asks me to deal with it as best as i can. he hates confrontation of any kind. for my mental health though, i’ve said we need our own room, and i won’t go on another vacation without one. i need time to recoup everyday. last time, his mother booked what she said was three bedrooms, and we helped pay. but it was a two bedroom, and his parents took the living room. i felt guilty because they’re older and pay for the majority of the trip. his brother’s family was confused as to why we got the other room as well, but having my own space helped tremendously. i wasn’t exhausted and enjoyed the whole trip. the only time we spent in the room was at night. another vacation is coming up soon, and it’s another two bedroom. three bedrooms is usually too expensive, so most vacations will be two. this is where i feel like i’m the asshole because someone will have to take the living room. his mom has said we can have the other room, but i feel guilty. i also know i need space to myself, though. so i’m probably taking the room anyways despite feeling guilty about it. aita for requesting to have a room to ourselves on family vacations?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (23f) boyfriend’s (24m) family goes on vacation a couple times a year. vacation consists of his parents and his brother and sil with their two kids (6 and 8). my boyfriend and i have been together for about 5 years and are extremely close to his niece and nephew. i noticed my boyfriend’s family started taking my initiative to be close with the kids as expectations. we turned into babysitters over the years. while i love being around the kids, i also like a minute to myself especially since i’m an introvert. we sleep in the living room of the family houses we visit. the families are more conservative in that aspect and we simply don’t have the room, either. when the brother’s family visits my boyfriend’s parent’s house, we are moved to the living room while they take his room. there’s four of them, so i understand. sleeping in the main room doesn’t make me as uncomfortable now that i know them, but over time, his family has become less and less respectful of our “space”. we are kept awake until everyone else wants to go to bed and woken up early, too. oftentimes, the kids sleep in the room with us. when they get up, we are expected to get up and entertain them. not having my own room doesn’t upset me; i get upset about not having personal space or a say in my sleep schedule. the sleep set up is for vacations as well. my boyfriend’s mom books and pays for the vacations even though we all offer to help pay. because of this, i’ve never felt like i have a say in where i sleep. so on vacations, i don’t have space or time to myself, and i don’t get much sleep. i always become tired, irritable, and annoyed. i love being around his family, but i hate being so overwhelmed. i’ve expressed all of this to my boyfriend, but he primarily asks me to deal with it as best as i can. he hates confrontation of any kind. for my mental health though, i’ve said we need our own room, and i won’t go on another vacation without one. i need time to recoup everyday. last time, his mother booked what she said was three bedrooms, and we helped pay. but it was a two bedroom, and his parents took the living room. i felt guilty because they’re older and pay for the majority of the trip. his brother’s family was confused as to why we got the other room as well, but having my own space helped tremendously. i wasn’t exhausted and enjoyed the whole trip. the only time we spent in the room was at night. another vacation is coming up soon, and it’s another two bedroom. three bedrooms is usually too expensive, so most vacations will be two. this is where i feel like i’m the asshole because someone will have to take the living room. his mom has said we can have the other room, but i feel guilty. i also know i need space to myself, though. so i’m probably taking the room anyways despite feeling guilty about it. aita for requesting to have a room to ourselves on family vacations? [/INST] nta. six adults are going on a trip and you can't afford a three bedroom accommodation between you? that doesn't seem right. or is it that bil and sil aren't contributing towards it? a couple absolutely needs their own space and it is pretty ridiculous you have had to insist on getting the space you need. your boyfriend is to blame here, too, though. he was letting you deal with it because he doesn't like confrontation. what's gonna happen if you decide to get married and have kids? is he gonna let his family interfere whenever they want so he doesn't need to have confrontation? i think you have a bigger problem to address. </s>
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AITA(16M) for speaking a foreign to my sister(19F) while my girlfriend who doesn't speak the language is hanging out with me.
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so i'm 1st generation korean american my parents are from south korea and moved to america in the 90s and because that my parents speak exclusively korean at home. so it's a habit when i'm around family to speak korean. so my girlfriend came over we were hanging out and my sister came home from work and i said hi in korean and we had a short conversation in korean and then she went to her room. after that my girlfriend seemed a little bothered and left about 20 minutes later i called her and she said she didn't feel comfortable with me speaking korean around her cuase she doesn't know what we are saying and she thinks if i would translate i would say something different i told her i would never lie to her. aita i kinda feel like it but my sister think and i quote "your girlfriend is a insecure bitch" is her exact words.
| 341 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bzb7iy/aita16m_for_speaking_a_foreign_to_my_sister19f/
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2019-06-11 11:21:47
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nta. your gf was a guest so it's not up to her - would have been rude if you routinely had long conversations with your gf present but it sounds like she is being insecure in this instance.
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nta. your sister is right. perfectly legitimate to talk korean at home with your korean sister. i guess you could offer to teach her some korean, but that's a part of you are, bud. a girlfriend will appreciate that or move on.
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esh.
it's polite to speak the common language if there is one.
your sister sucks for calling your girlfriend an insecure bitch.
your girlfriend sucks for being insecure.
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[deleted]
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nta. my girlfriend's family is french, and my girlfriend's first language is french. her family speaks french to rather because they're obviously more comfortable with the language and it's a part of their culture that they care deeply for. it's not as if you're all going out to hang out and you're not including your girlfriend. she honestly does sound very insecure about this.
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esh including your sister. i've been in this situation before and its admittedly lonely being in a position where i'm unable to participate in the conversation. you and your girlfriend clearly have some shit to work through if she assumes you might talk poorly about her, but clearly she isnt wrong (proven by your sister).
on her side, she needs to be a bit more accepting and comfortable with you all speaking whatever language you choose. if she cant be, she needs to go for her own sake. on your side, you should try to include her in group conversations as much as possible to keep her feeling included. you should also talk to her about boundaries and that you still plan to have one-on-one conversations with your sister.
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[deleted]
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nah for you and your girlfriend, but your sister is definitely ta.
it's horrible to have people suddenly start in another language that you can't understand, in my experience it's as bad as when people start whispering in each others ears. it is usually deliberate to exclude the other person.
your sister should have the empathy to see that your girlfriend might be insecure, but calling her a bitch for it makes her ta.
| null |
esh it makes sense for her to be uncomfortable. i've caught my in-laws talking about me three feet away from me because they thought i couldn't understand them. though if taking the post at face value she did overeact, so did your sister. calling your gf a bitch is out of line.
i'm just thinking that your gf felt uncomfortable, communicated that effectively and politely then your sister called her a bitch and you didn't stand up for her? your sister and you have a lot to learn about relationships.
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| null |
NAH
| null |
ESH
| 0.357068 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i'm 1st generation korean american my parents are from south korea and moved to america in the 90s and because that my parents speak exclusively korean at home. so it's a habit when i'm around family to speak korean. so my girlfriend came over we were hanging out and my sister came home from work and i said hi in korean and we had a short conversation in korean and then she went to her room. after that my girlfriend seemed a little bothered and left about 20 minutes later i called her and she said she didn't feel comfortable with me speaking korean around her cuase she doesn't know what we are saying and she thinks if i would translate i would say something different i told her i would never lie to her. aita i kinda feel like it but my sister think and i quote "your girlfriend is a insecure bitch" is her exact words.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i'm 1st generation korean american my parents are from south korea and moved to america in the 90s and because that my parents speak exclusively korean at home. so it's a habit when i'm around family to speak korean. so my girlfriend came over we were hanging out and my sister came home from work and i said hi in korean and we had a short conversation in korean and then she went to her room. after that my girlfriend seemed a little bothered and left about 20 minutes later i called her and she said she didn't feel comfortable with me speaking korean around her cuase she doesn't know what we are saying and she thinks if i would translate i would say something different i told her i would never lie to her. aita i kinda feel like it but my sister think and i quote "your girlfriend is a insecure bitch" is her exact words. [/INST] nta. your gf was a guest so it's not up to her - would have been rude if you routinely had long conversations with your gf present but it sounds like she is being insecure in this instance. </s>
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AITA for not wanting a former crush invited to my birthday party, resulting in my mom's breakdown?
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i (18f) has struggled with many issues for most of my teens. many people have graciously helped me out, including this guy named 'sam'(18m). it is a very complicated story, but in short i had a deep crush on him while i was struggling and he began to help me out. he would pray for me, talk to me, and hug me frequently. i thought he had feelings for me while he assumed that he was just helping aid my recovery. after my friend told him my feelings (behind my back), sam pulled me aside and told me he wasn't intested and told me to wait if that was what i wanted. even though i should have expected it, it was deeply crushing. i felt unlovable and i genuinely thought he liked me just to return to square one. i believed that he would ask me to prom and he knew that (my friends went and asked him and he said no-none of them told me). i was lonely and isolated and it hurt. after that, he began to send me homework in the form of bible verses and would threaten to tell my parents if i was chatting older guys. i know he had good intentions. he would talk to my parents about my progress (since my friends all talk to my parents) and they became really fond of him. fast forward to my birthday party. i didn't want a birthday party since i preferred a hangout with some girlfriends. my parents had given my grandma a huge celebration with 80 people, and for my birthday, they invited 30 people that aided in my recovery. this included pastors, teachers, and sam. i begged my parents not to invite sam because of my mixed feelings and they told me i was being ungrateful. when i confronted my mom and told her i didnt want sam at my party, she flipped out and began to smash and break things. my mom accused me of being a horrible person and that she knew my evil heart now. my siblings all talk to sam and are close to him. they accused me of being salty after getting rejected. my friends are all on my side. i know my parents are socially conservative(no tattoos and absolutely no cohabiting): did i cross a line?
| 151 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zbisvj/aita_for_not_wanting_a_former_crush_invited_to_my/
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2022-12-03 15:27:49
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nta your mother is abusive. why is she so insistent on sam being present? is her her little spy buddy?
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nta- your mother is abusive. she can be mad for whatever reasons, even though the party is for you and not her. but threatening to destroy things is abusive. your friends sound like ahs, and something about sam threatening to snitch on you to your parents is rubbing me the wrong day. possibly because it isn't clear what you're in recovery for and sam doesn't seem to have the authority to do this.
i hope you can find some peace, better friends, and a good therapist once you're able to move out.
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if you can leave, you should. and sam is a paternalistic, spying creep. it almost feels like sam and your parents are grooming you to marry him once you’re “fixed.” this is all bizarre and terrible from my outsider perspective. i don’t know what used to be “wrong” with you but i find all of this—the party, the creepy dude and the abusive parents—weird as hell. i can’t help but wonder if you had issues caused by your shitty mom and oppressive family or untreated mental health issues they chose to pray away or what.
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i don’t understand how this story went from him helping you out to him sending you homework and trying to control who you speak to. seems unfocused.
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nta.
you are surrounded by manipulative abusive people.
sam is not a good person. it sounds like he was assigned to “save” you. that’s not a friend.
this is a sensitive issue and i understand if don’t answer or are vague, but what issues have you been struggling with? because i’m getting the sense those issues are only issues because hey go against your church’s teachings.
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nta of course you don't have to invite a specific guy to your birthday if you don't want to. it's **your** birthday. i agree you should distance yourself from him. he might be a good guy (not so sure about that...), but your feelings for him are not helping you.
however, the real problem here is very clearly your mom/parents. this is extremely controlling and toxic behavior. i'm guessing it's the tip of the iceberg, and this supposedly supportive community lets it happen. try to meet with a therapist who has no connection to any of this crowd.
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>after that, he began to send me homework in the form of bible verses and would threaten to tell my parents if i was chatting older guys. i know he had good intentions. he would talk to my parents about my progress (since my friends all talk to my parents) and they became really fond of him.
…
> my mom accused me of being a horrible person and that she knew my evil heart now.
nta. it’s disturbing on another level that the help you have received and *how your family views your recovery progress* is thoroughly tinged, influenced—dare i say *skewed?*—by the involvement of religion.
you need counseling outside the auspices of religion, by someone with better qualifications than “i’m employed by a church and i’m here to help you.”
your mom didn’t have a breakdown. she had a tantrum.
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nta, you should be allowed to say who gets invited to your party, you should be allowed to say if you want a party at all. and your mom shouldn't be smashing the house up when things don't go her way. i don't see how gratitude comes into this at all. people are running over you and then blaming you for it.
i hope you are doing better. and i hope that you come to learn that this level of interference and control over your life is outrageous. everyone in your life knows your business and shares it with one another without caring at all how you, the person in question, feels about it. heck, even your crush is blackmailing you. none of this is healthy. it's all abusive.
ps- op, i think 'chatting' with older guys is a bad move, just to be on the record about that part. especially if you're not feeling supported by people you know or are otherwise a little vulnerable. the likelihood of somebody using your emotions to manipulate you are extremely high.
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your home sounds abusive.. you need to get a real therapist and not a network of do-gooders who don't in fact actually know how to help you. consider moving i to your own safe space and not clearly under your parents control..
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op, are you by any chance a member of any very strict religious group, like lds or mormons?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (18f) has struggled with many issues for most of my teens. many people have graciously helped me out, including this guy named 'sam'(18m). it is a very complicated story, but in short i had a deep crush on him while i was struggling and he began to help me out. he would pray for me, talk to me, and hug me frequently. i thought he had feelings for me while he assumed that he was just helping aid my recovery. after my friend told him my feelings (behind my back), sam pulled me aside and told me he wasn't intested and told me to wait if that was what i wanted. even though i should have expected it, it was deeply crushing. i felt unlovable and i genuinely thought he liked me just to return to square one. i believed that he would ask me to prom and he knew that (my friends went and asked him and he said no-none of them told me). i was lonely and isolated and it hurt. after that, he began to send me homework in the form of bible verses and would threaten to tell my parents if i was chatting older guys. i know he had good intentions. he would talk to my parents about my progress (since my friends all talk to my parents) and they became really fond of him. fast forward to my birthday party. i didn't want a birthday party since i preferred a hangout with some girlfriends. my parents had given my grandma a huge celebration with 80 people, and for my birthday, they invited 30 people that aided in my recovery. this included pastors, teachers, and sam. i begged my parents not to invite sam because of my mixed feelings and they told me i was being ungrateful. when i confronted my mom and told her i didnt want sam at my party, she flipped out and began to smash and break things. my mom accused me of being a horrible person and that she knew my evil heart now. my siblings all talk to sam and are close to him. they accused me of being salty after getting rejected. my friends are all on my side. i know my parents are socially conservative(no tattoos and absolutely no cohabiting): did i cross a line?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (18f) has struggled with many issues for most of my teens. many people have graciously helped me out, including this guy named 'sam'(18m). it is a very complicated story, but in short i had a deep crush on him while i was struggling and he began to help me out. he would pray for me, talk to me, and hug me frequently. i thought he had feelings for me while he assumed that he was just helping aid my recovery. after my friend told him my feelings (behind my back), sam pulled me aside and told me he wasn't intested and told me to wait if that was what i wanted. even though i should have expected it, it was deeply crushing. i felt unlovable and i genuinely thought he liked me just to return to square one. i believed that he would ask me to prom and he knew that (my friends went and asked him and he said no-none of them told me). i was lonely and isolated and it hurt. after that, he began to send me homework in the form of bible verses and would threaten to tell my parents if i was chatting older guys. i know he had good intentions. he would talk to my parents about my progress (since my friends all talk to my parents) and they became really fond of him. fast forward to my birthday party. i didn't want a birthday party since i preferred a hangout with some girlfriends. my parents had given my grandma a huge celebration with 80 people, and for my birthday, they invited 30 people that aided in my recovery. this included pastors, teachers, and sam. i begged my parents not to invite sam because of my mixed feelings and they told me i was being ungrateful. when i confronted my mom and told her i didnt want sam at my party, she flipped out and began to smash and break things. my mom accused me of being a horrible person and that she knew my evil heart now. my siblings all talk to sam and are close to him. they accused me of being salty after getting rejected. my friends are all on my side. i know my parents are socially conservative(no tattoos and absolutely no cohabiting): did i cross a line? [/INST] nta your mother is abusive. why is she so insistent on sam being present? is her her little spy buddy? </s>
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AITA for “stealing” my sister’s future potential baby name?
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i’m so conflicted. when my husband and i found out we were having another boy, we finally came up with a name we both liked. i was so excited to tell my family and everyone was excited for me except my sister and her husband. apparently, we had taken a name that was close to a name on her “list” of future baby names. she demanded i didn’t use the name. btw, she wasn’t pregnant at this time but they were trying for another baby. i told her that we were still going to use the name and if she wanted to use the other name close to it then great. she told me we aren’t sisters anymore and since then, hasn’t talked to me or my husband. i lost a sister over a stupid list of baby names. was i an a**hole for stealing her name and holding my ground?
| 742 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pebwt3/aita_for_stealing_my_sisters_future_potential/
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2021-08-30 05:39:54
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nta.
did you have previous, continuous access to this list of names? this is the only instance i could possibly say ywbta in in regards to baby names.
she doesn't own the name. it's not even the same name. *she's not even pregnant.* what, is she going to request her child be moved to another class if there's another kid with the same name?
she's ridiculous.
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nta, you didn't steal a name, you told your family your choice for your upcoming baby, you sister explained her list, you said that's great but no one owns a name and this is what we have chosen and are going with.
you sister then decides whether to use the similar name on her list or not... mature outcome.
your sister throwing a tantrum and saying you are no longer sisters.... immature and deserves about as much of a response as a 2 year old upset that their imaginery friend doesn't eat mac'n'cheese and neither do they now... serve the food still and smile politely.
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nta. she is unreasonable. not the same name. we have a bella and ella in our immediate family ffs. they get along. the parents get along. sounds immature to throwaway a relationship over this.
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nta. no one owns a name, and hell, there are likely a thousand other people on the planet with similar if not identical names.
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nta, you can't just lay claim to just any name, it wasn't even the name.. it was a name that sounded like a name she liked like sophie and sophia
your sister sounds like the type to go from 0 to 100 for the slightest of reasons.. light help the baby daddy/daddies
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nta - she can't gatekeep an entire freaking list of names. if you really lost a sister over this, then she wasn't much of a sister to begin with.
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info: what were the two names? i'm curious how similar they are.
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nta - christ my daughter has never been in a class without another student with the same name, i have family members with the same name.
christ my dad and brother share a birthday, does that mean cause my dad was born first my brother doesn’t celebrate?
christ almighty your sister is ridiculous, she doesn’t own the name and i’m fairly sure that she hasn’t had a web doc available to you since she became of age regarding baby names.
honestly if she’s making this her hill to die on, let her. yes it’s unfortunate, but in the long term do you want someone who will nitpick at you, constantly shame the child with the name and clearly isn’t reasonable near you and your children? if she’s this volatile honestly it’s better for your little beans to be without that kind of toxicity in their upbringing.
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nta, yall found the name and chose it.
it would be different if she told yall the name she wanted and then yall took it. but that wasn't the case.
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nta. you didn’t know the name, so how could you steal it?
i know a family with 5 kids, and a few of the kids all have a son with the same name because it’s a family name. it’s no big deal. your sister needs to grow up.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m so conflicted. when my husband and i found out we were having another boy, we finally came up with a name we both liked. i was so excited to tell my family and everyone was excited for me except my sister and her husband. apparently, we had taken a name that was close to a name on her “list” of future baby names. she demanded i didn’t use the name. btw, she wasn’t pregnant at this time but they were trying for another baby. i told her that we were still going to use the name and if she wanted to use the other name close to it then great. she told me we aren’t sisters anymore and since then, hasn’t talked to me or my husband. i lost a sister over a stupid list of baby names. was i an a**hole for stealing her name and holding my ground?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m so conflicted. when my husband and i found out we were having another boy, we finally came up with a name we both liked. i was so excited to tell my family and everyone was excited for me except my sister and her husband. apparently, we had taken a name that was close to a name on her “list” of future baby names. she demanded i didn’t use the name. btw, she wasn’t pregnant at this time but they were trying for another baby. i told her that we were still going to use the name and if she wanted to use the other name close to it then great. she told me we aren’t sisters anymore and since then, hasn’t talked to me or my husband. i lost a sister over a stupid list of baby names. was i an a**hole for stealing her name and holding my ground? [/INST] nta. did you have previous, continuous access to this list of names? this is the only instance i could possibly say ywbta in in regards to baby names. she doesn't own the name. it's not even the same name. *she's not even pregnant.* what, is she going to request her child be moved to another class if there's another kid with the same name? she's ridiculous. </s>
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AITA for not letting my brother use my holiday home, even though my ex said he could?
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my ex and i always went to the same part of the country for a holiday a few times a year, so we decided to buy a small cottage in the area, to save us having to get a new place to stay every time. when we split, i got the cottage, and he got the flat we lived in the rest of the time. he still lives there, while i rent a separate place and only use the cottage for holidays with the kids.
he was/is friends with my brother. my brother and i do not get on, and he's closer with ex than he ever was with me.
my brother apparently spoke to ex, and asked if he could use the cottage. ex said yes. brother texted me saying that ex said he could use the cottage, and he asked me for the combo to the keysafe.
i responded that he hasn't asked me if he can use it, and he can't. he said that ex said he could use it. i said it's not ex's house. he said that he already arranged to get out of town for a bit on the provision that he could use the cottage as he needs to lay low for a while. i said that was unfortunate and he'd have to undo it or take a staycation.
brother says he's set aside the time and resources to go and my refusal is going to fuck up his whole plan. i said that's unfortunate, but he didn't ask me. he then asked me if he could use the house, and i again said no. he asked why not, i said because it's my house and i said no. he asked if i was using it and i said no, but that doesn't mean he can. he said i was being a selfish dick for no reason and that as i'm not currently using the cottage, it should be fine for him to stay for a bit. i said no again.
i've now got him, all but one of our siblings (we are 2 of 5), and dad agreeing that i'm an arsehole and that i need to let him use the cottage.
aita?
| 2,875 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lpubsj/aita_for_not_letting_my_brother_use_my_holiday/
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2021-02-22 17:29:43
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nta, if ex is so happy to give away other people's homes then your brother is free to stay in ex's flat instead.
or better yet, send a bill in advance saying you'll need to be paid in full before you'll give the code.
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you should tell your brother “no, you can’t use the cottage but if you need somewhere to go then you have my permission to go to my old apartment” (the one your ex got)
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anyone else find it interesting that brother went to ex for permission but still knew they had to go to sister for the code?
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brr? ex gave permission for brother to use something that no longer belongs to ex and when it falls through, *you* get the blame? i don't think so. ex was a douche for not letting brother know that the cottage isn't his anymore, and brother is also a douche for the way he tried to guilt you into letting him use the cottage.
nta
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1. what's up with your brother asking your ex for permission to use a property that doesn't belong to said ex?
2. what's up with your ex authorizing someone to use a property that doesn't belong to himself?
3. what's up with your family making you the bad guy here? you don't even need a reason to refuse. it's your property, period.
some people's lack of common sense or basic courtesy is astounding. nta.
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nta
i'm sure that he knew that your ex did not own the cottage, but he tried an end-run around you anyway.
i'm a lot leery of the "lay low" comment, as well. does he have a history of skirting/breaking the law?
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[deleted]
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info: would you have let him use it if he had asked you first and not gone to your ex?
probably nta though. you're not obligated to give him access.
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nta. if he set aside "time and resources" to travel, that should have included money to secure accommodations.
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nta. especially with the "needs to lay low" comment. it sounds like he may be trying to avoid law enforcement. civil asset forfeiture is a thing and law enforcement doesn't have to convict anyone or even prove that the owner was aware of any illegal activity. they just have to file a complaint that certain crimes (not all crimes qualify) *probably* occurred at the property.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex and i always went to the same part of the country for a holiday a few times a year, so we decided to buy a small cottage in the area, to save us having to get a new place to stay every time. when we split, i got the cottage, and he got the flat we lived in the rest of the time. he still lives there, while i rent a separate place and only use the cottage for holidays with the kids. he was/is friends with my brother. my brother and i do not get on, and he's closer with ex than he ever was with me. my brother apparently spoke to ex, and asked if he could use the cottage. ex said yes. brother texted me saying that ex said he could use the cottage, and he asked me for the combo to the keysafe. i responded that he hasn't asked me if he can use it, and he can't. he said that ex said he could use it. i said it's not ex's house. he said that he already arranged to get out of town for a bit on the provision that he could use the cottage as he needs to lay low for a while. i said that was unfortunate and he'd have to undo it or take a staycation. brother says he's set aside the time and resources to go and my refusal is going to fuck up his whole plan. i said that's unfortunate, but he didn't ask me. he then asked me if he could use the house, and i again said no. he asked why not, i said because it's my house and i said no. he asked if i was using it and i said no, but that doesn't mean he can. he said i was being a selfish dick for no reason and that as i'm not currently using the cottage, it should be fine for him to stay for a bit. i said no again. i've now got him, all but one of our siblings (we are 2 of 5), and dad agreeing that i'm an arsehole and that i need to let him use the cottage. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex and i always went to the same part of the country for a holiday a few times a year, so we decided to buy a small cottage in the area, to save us having to get a new place to stay every time. when we split, i got the cottage, and he got the flat we lived in the rest of the time. he still lives there, while i rent a separate place and only use the cottage for holidays with the kids. he was/is friends with my brother. my brother and i do not get on, and he's closer with ex than he ever was with me. my brother apparently spoke to ex, and asked if he could use the cottage. ex said yes. brother texted me saying that ex said he could use the cottage, and he asked me for the combo to the keysafe. i responded that he hasn't asked me if he can use it, and he can't. he said that ex said he could use it. i said it's not ex's house. he said that he already arranged to get out of town for a bit on the provision that he could use the cottage as he needs to lay low for a while. i said that was unfortunate and he'd have to undo it or take a staycation. brother says he's set aside the time and resources to go and my refusal is going to fuck up his whole plan. i said that's unfortunate, but he didn't ask me. he then asked me if he could use the house, and i again said no. he asked why not, i said because it's my house and i said no. he asked if i was using it and i said no, but that doesn't mean he can. he said i was being a selfish dick for no reason and that as i'm not currently using the cottage, it should be fine for him to stay for a bit. i said no again. i've now got him, all but one of our siblings (we are 2 of 5), and dad agreeing that i'm an arsehole and that i need to let him use the cottage. aita? [/INST] nta, if ex is so happy to give away other people's homes then your brother is free to stay in ex's flat instead. or better yet, send a bill in advance saying you'll need to be paid in full before you'll give the code. </s>
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WIBTA If I quietly went ahead to sell the prize I won from a Lucky Draw
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to provide some context: i am the sole breadwinner in my family with kids. although the income i earn is not very high, it was sufficient for my family and my kids. we don't live lavishly and i do not splurge on myself. to the extent i can give monthly allowance to my parents and even give them and my sibling's (also married with kids) the occasional treat where i foot the bill.
i recently won a prize from a lucky draw. the value was quite high for the prize that i won and i was frankly quite surprised at the value. i consider it a luxury and for me to use the luxury on my own...i thought it's best that i sell it away and the money can be used for my kids and as a family. especially with the end year and the new school year expenses - any extra money would certainly help.
after i listed the item on a marketplace, i was shocked when my sibling asked why am i selling and offered to buy. the sibling and family had abit of financial issues over the years and although it has somewhat stabilised over the last several months, i am not very sure if they are out of the woods yet. sibling offered to buy and to pay in installments. the issue is not about accepting the payment in installments, but more of; 1. family is not financially stable yet (my parents had to financially pitch in numerous times over the years to help) 2. i am not comfortable selling and accepting money from my family. i could've sold it to any of my friends but i thought a transaction with a stranger would be smoother without any emotional complications.
my parent has now even pitched in to say i should give it to sibling if i don't want it. and if sibling can't afford it, parent will help pay. i've told both tht i am considering keeping it for now, but wibta if i sell it off anyways on the quiet?
| 235 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zir9ta/wibta_if_i_quietly_went_ahead_to_sell_the_prize_i/
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2022-12-11 13:08:22
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nta but stop giving them money.
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nta. it’s your property. you can do what you want with it. the installments plan sounds like a catastrophe waiting to happen.
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info: if you're giving your parents a monthly allowance, how can they afford to help sibling buy this?
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nta. it's your item, so you can do what you want with it, including selling it for cash and not sharing the money with your extended family.
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you can hide your marketplace listings from your friends list.
sell it privately. sounds like you're more financially savvy than your family.
you're definitely not the a here!
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nta
if you give it to your sibling your family wouldn’t see any benefit. you need the money. sell it to somebody who can pay for it!
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nta it's yours to do as you wish with it.
sibling does not seem too wise, but i wouldn't fault him for that. now, parents suggestion you just give it to your sibling, not cool. if you are selling it in the first place, it's for a reason.
answering your original question, yes, you can ninja sell it if you want to, though you should be able to just tell them you'd rather sell it to someone who can pay upfront because the money would be useful right now. if anyone is offended by that, you have a completely different kind of problem with them
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nta tell them that you don't want to mix family/friends and money. you will be selling it to a stranger and that's the end of it. you want them to respect your position on this. hassling you about it or trying to pressure you won't get them what they want -- it will just sour your relationship.
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you are just moving money around so basicly you are almost giving it away for free
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nta. sell it and try to get full retail value out of it. you're right about it often being better not to involve family in these sorts of transactions.
your parent is twisting your words and being unreasonable. it's not that you don't want the prize. it's that you prefer to have the money. selling it is the only way to do so.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to provide some context: i am the sole breadwinner in my family with kids. although the income i earn is not very high, it was sufficient for my family and my kids. we don't live lavishly and i do not splurge on myself. to the extent i can give monthly allowance to my parents and even give them and my sibling's (also married with kids) the occasional treat where i foot the bill. i recently won a prize from a lucky draw. the value was quite high for the prize that i won and i was frankly quite surprised at the value. i consider it a luxury and for me to use the luxury on my own...i thought it's best that i sell it away and the money can be used for my kids and as a family. especially with the end year and the new school year expenses - any extra money would certainly help. after i listed the item on a marketplace, i was shocked when my sibling asked why am i selling and offered to buy. the sibling and family had abit of financial issues over the years and although it has somewhat stabilised over the last several months, i am not very sure if they are out of the woods yet. sibling offered to buy and to pay in installments. the issue is not about accepting the payment in installments, but more of; 1. family is not financially stable yet (my parents had to financially pitch in numerous times over the years to help) 2. i am not comfortable selling and accepting money from my family. i could've sold it to any of my friends but i thought a transaction with a stranger would be smoother without any emotional complications. my parent has now even pitched in to say i should give it to sibling if i don't want it. and if sibling can't afford it, parent will help pay. i've told both tht i am considering keeping it for now, but wibta if i sell it off anyways on the quiet?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to provide some context: i am the sole breadwinner in my family with kids. although the income i earn is not very high, it was sufficient for my family and my kids. we don't live lavishly and i do not splurge on myself. to the extent i can give monthly allowance to my parents and even give them and my sibling's (also married with kids) the occasional treat where i foot the bill. i recently won a prize from a lucky draw. the value was quite high for the prize that i won and i was frankly quite surprised at the value. i consider it a luxury and for me to use the luxury on my own...i thought it's best that i sell it away and the money can be used for my kids and as a family. especially with the end year and the new school year expenses - any extra money would certainly help. after i listed the item on a marketplace, i was shocked when my sibling asked why am i selling and offered to buy. the sibling and family had abit of financial issues over the years and although it has somewhat stabilised over the last several months, i am not very sure if they are out of the woods yet. sibling offered to buy and to pay in installments. the issue is not about accepting the payment in installments, but more of; 1. family is not financially stable yet (my parents had to financially pitch in numerous times over the years to help) 2. i am not comfortable selling and accepting money from my family. i could've sold it to any of my friends but i thought a transaction with a stranger would be smoother without any emotional complications. my parent has now even pitched in to say i should give it to sibling if i don't want it. and if sibling can't afford it, parent will help pay. i've told both tht i am considering keeping it for now, but wibta if i sell it off anyways on the quiet? [/INST] nta but stop giving them money. </s>
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AITA for marking down a collegiate debate adjudicator for penalising my team for using specialised knowledge?
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ok, so i’ll provide some background. my team went for a debate tournament. every debate was judged by an adjudicator. after that, we had to mark the judges based on how well they explained their decision. based on the scores, the teams and the judges could progress to subsequent rounds. one of the debates was on a topic relating to the supreme court (whether or not it should be comprised of political leaders instead of judges when deciding on particularly sensitive issues.) now, everyone in my team was a law student. we didn’t rely too heavily on legal jargon, but explained the constitutional jurisprudence behind the judicial system, and how it’s undermined if filled with political appointments. (i’m not american, our supreme court justices aren’t appointed by politicians, so don’t get confused). we explained the working of the supreme court and how it establishes commissions and committees to investigate and prepare reports on many issues rather than relying on their own knowledge (to show that they weren’t oblivious to the problems faced by the common people, as claimed by the other side.) anyway, our team lost it and the adjudicator said it was because we used specialised knowledge which wasn’t available to the other team. now, this didn’t seem fair to me because i don’t see how it’s wrong to use knowledge about the supreme court in a debate about the supreme court. nothing else could be more relevant. so i gave the judge a low score and made my teammates do the same.
| 429 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ayb7o2/aita_for_marking_down_a_collegiate_debate/
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2019-03-07 10:32:14
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nta
you win debates by arguing a superior case, based upon superior logic, by utilising preferably superior knowledge...
how is it fair that you lose an argument because you “know more”.
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nta it seems unfair to penalize a team because they know a lot about a subject. you all earned your knowledge and should have been able to use it
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nta
if they don't want a team having an advantage due to specialist knowledge (which seems fair)
don't ask questions pertaining to it
the fault lies with the organisers not the players
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nta, as someone who used to do debating this pisses me off, in a debate knowing more then the opposition should be a bonus not a penalty, its about your knowledge and how you explain your point, you shouldnt be marked down at all.
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original vote or everyone sucks: fair enough if you think the judge was unfair but you shouldn't have made your teammates do the same. that crosses the line into petty for me personally.
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nta, that judge sounds like an ass. you score him based on performance, it seems his performance was shit. imo, all knowledge is fair and debatable.
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nta. i don't see how you could be the asshole here. if you are being penalised during a debate about a topic for actually knowing about the topic, how in the world can this be considered a real debate? that's like penalising christians for debating about the bible, or scientists for debating flat earthers. facts 100% have a place in debate, opinions are not all of equal value, and opinion does not trump fact just because it is widely held. wtf is wrong with this judge?
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info
was this something that the adjudicator came up with himself, or is he following official rules of the debate tournament?
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nta
>specialised knowledge which wasn’t available to the other team
fuck that, no such thing exists. google is out there, specialized knowledge is available to anyone who wants it.
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nta. i want to say "info - we don't know enough about the rules of the tournament to really decide", but if "specialized knowledge" is illegal, then that basically disqualifies your team from that debate, which doesn't make sense.
if you can't use specialized knowledge, but you have that knowledge, how can you participate?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok, so i’ll provide some background. my team went for a debate tournament. every debate was judged by an adjudicator. after that, we had to mark the judges based on how well they explained their decision. based on the scores, the teams and the judges could progress to subsequent rounds. one of the debates was on a topic relating to the supreme court (whether or not it should be comprised of political leaders instead of judges when deciding on particularly sensitive issues.) now, everyone in my team was a law student. we didn’t rely too heavily on legal jargon, but explained the constitutional jurisprudence behind the judicial system, and how it’s undermined if filled with political appointments. (i’m not american, our supreme court justices aren’t appointed by politicians, so don’t get confused). we explained the working of the supreme court and how it establishes commissions and committees to investigate and prepare reports on many issues rather than relying on their own knowledge (to show that they weren’t oblivious to the problems faced by the common people, as claimed by the other side.) anyway, our team lost it and the adjudicator said it was because we used specialised knowledge which wasn’t available to the other team. now, this didn’t seem fair to me because i don’t see how it’s wrong to use knowledge about the supreme court in a debate about the supreme court. nothing else could be more relevant. so i gave the judge a low score and made my teammates do the same.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok, so i’ll provide some background. my team went for a debate tournament. every debate was judged by an adjudicator. after that, we had to mark the judges based on how well they explained their decision. based on the scores, the teams and the judges could progress to subsequent rounds. one of the debates was on a topic relating to the supreme court (whether or not it should be comprised of political leaders instead of judges when deciding on particularly sensitive issues.) now, everyone in my team was a law student. we didn’t rely too heavily on legal jargon, but explained the constitutional jurisprudence behind the judicial system, and how it’s undermined if filled with political appointments. (i’m not american, our supreme court justices aren’t appointed by politicians, so don’t get confused). we explained the working of the supreme court and how it establishes commissions and committees to investigate and prepare reports on many issues rather than relying on their own knowledge (to show that they weren’t oblivious to the problems faced by the common people, as claimed by the other side.) anyway, our team lost it and the adjudicator said it was because we used specialised knowledge which wasn’t available to the other team. now, this didn’t seem fair to me because i don’t see how it’s wrong to use knowledge about the supreme court in a debate about the supreme court. nothing else could be more relevant. so i gave the judge a low score and made my teammates do the same. [/INST] nta you win debates by arguing a superior case, based upon superior logic, by utilising preferably superior knowledge... how is it fair that you lose an argument because you “know more”. </s>
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AITA For getting mad at my ex for cutting our sons hair?
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my ex and i have a six year old, and he's a pretty cool kid if i may say so myself.
he's been growing his hair out for quite a while (i have relatively long hair and i think thats where he picked it up from), and he always seemed really happy with it. curls for days. my ex has complained about his hair, but i always told her he got to decide what to do with it. his hair, his choice.
anyway, he went back to his moms, and three days ago came back to me. he bolted from the car and was wearing a hat (which he never does, hat hair isn't a good look), and didn't even spare his mother a second glance. she told me he was in a mood and went on her way.
anyway, i got in and asked him what was wrong. he burst into tears and took his hat off. his head was almost completely shaved with the tiniest mohawk at the top. i was notably really pissed. not only had she gone against his wishes, our hair is incredibly curly and one rule i was always taught is never shave your curls off. i did when i was younger and it took a near full eight years for my hair to look right again.
he's been really upset and clingy, and seems really insecure. he'll usually walk around with his hat on and hood pulled up.
when he finally went to sleep i called her and had a go at her, telling her she shouldn't of done that, etc. i also explained how she's probably destroyed his hair for the foreseeable future.
her excuse was that brushing it was too hard, which pissed me off even more. he generally brushed his own hair, and even when he was a little reluctant all i had to do was make a thing of it, ("come brush your hair with daddy. we'll look pretty together.") and he was set.
i told her what she did was all kinds of wrong, and she'd forced him way back into his shell. she said it had been done and there's no point arguing over it.
i angrily messaged a buddy about it, who basically said while it's not something he'd ever do, she has just as much right to make decisions as i do and it's not really right of me to get mad at her.
i understand where he's coming from, but to me this isn't a power battle, it's about our son being comfortable in his own skin, which he is now not. aita?
| 3,149 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l9sihf/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_ex_for_cutting_our/
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2021-02-01 02:27:37
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nta. your ex took away your sons self expression against his will. hair should never be cut unless the person who’s hair it is wants it. you have every right to be angry. i myself would be livid.
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absolutely nta. all young children should taught and learn that it’s their body, their choice. your ex violated that, even if it is hair that will grow back.
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nta, while you both have the right to make decision for the kid what she did was wrong. in no way did her decision benefit him, she made it all about her and making her life easier. you make decisions that benefit your child and if you make any decision otherwise you should at least own up to it. considering your son was so upset i hope she apologizes to him instead of having this deal with it attitude.
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nta. your buddy's logic forgets that your ex made that decision unilaterally, and since you also have a say in it, you do have the right to get mad.
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nta, if a parent forced me to do that at that age it would affect my trust with them for the rest of my life, i hope she's aware of the strain she caused in her and his relationship
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nta - your son didn’t want his hair cut and she decided to go against what he wanted because it’s “easier on her”. if this were someone outside of the family it would be considered assault.
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nta at all. she might have the right to make decisions on your kids behalf for his safety but not over something like this. she showed zero respect for your son's wishes. it totally did not have to be done. she just being controlling.
i would suggest looking into hair styles with your son that he can try out as his hair starts to grow out again. it won't fix what happened but could get him excited for what is coming?
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nta. your ex sucks and your friend is full of shit (apologies for the language i get really angry about this particular issue). she does have as much right to make decisions, but she doesn’t get to make this decision. your son is six, he is plenty old enough to get to decide what happens to his own body. these kinds of issues are paramount in helping a child form their sense of self. his own mother said who he was and how he wanted to present himself was wrong. and what was her reason? her own ease. pathetic.
i would also bet money that’s her lame attempt at “making it sound better” and the real reason is she didn’t think a boy should have long hair or just wanted to be the one who dictated how he looked. regardless what she did is so messed up and most likely forever changed her relationship with your son. i also have curly hair, as does my husband. he got a buzz cut from a barber once years ago. luckily his curls grew back fine, but i am a hawk now about who cuts his hair. you don’t screw with curls.
please tell your friend to shove it, since you already told your ex off. god i am so angry for your son.
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my bio-mother use to do that to my sons. they loved having long hair. she hated it. so she would have them get bowl cuts *(which my sons and i hated and would have to get fixed)*. she'd lie and promise never to do it again. i finally stopped allowing my children to go with her unless i or my dad was with her at all times.
she did it to me as a kid *(12yo)*. i went from having hair down to my butt to having a bob above my ears. it only happened one time as i refused to go anywhere with her without my dad after she did it.
she even wanted to do it to my grandson *(he can't cut his hair for cultural and religious reasons)*. i informed her that action is now considered assault and she would lose the ability to see my grandson ever again. i would even testify for my son and dil.
this is a long way for me to say that i understand how you and your son feel.
his mother didn't just ignore his wants. she hurt him and their relationship going forward. he lost trust in her. he may never trust her again. he may close himself off from her. that's something that she'll have to live with. as will you and your son.
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what’s the bet she cut off her son’s curls specifically because he has hair like her ex-husband?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex and i have a six year old, and he's a pretty cool kid if i may say so myself. he's been growing his hair out for quite a while (i have relatively long hair and i think thats where he picked it up from), and he always seemed really happy with it. curls for days. my ex has complained about his hair, but i always told her he got to decide what to do with it. his hair, his choice. anyway, he went back to his moms, and three days ago came back to me. he bolted from the car and was wearing a hat (which he never does, hat hair isn't a good look), and didn't even spare his mother a second glance. she told me he was in a mood and went on her way. anyway, i got in and asked him what was wrong. he burst into tears and took his hat off. his head was almost completely shaved with the tiniest mohawk at the top. i was notably really pissed. not only had she gone against his wishes, our hair is incredibly curly and one rule i was always taught is never shave your curls off. i did when i was younger and it took a near full eight years for my hair to look right again. he's been really upset and clingy, and seems really insecure. he'll usually walk around with his hat on and hood pulled up. when he finally went to sleep i called her and had a go at her, telling her she shouldn't of done that, etc. i also explained how she's probably destroyed his hair for the foreseeable future. her excuse was that brushing it was too hard, which pissed me off even more. he generally brushed his own hair, and even when he was a little reluctant all i had to do was make a thing of it, ("come brush your hair with daddy. we'll look pretty together.") and he was set. i told her what she did was all kinds of wrong, and she'd forced him way back into his shell. she said it had been done and there's no point arguing over it. i angrily messaged a buddy about it, who basically said while it's not something he'd ever do, she has just as much right to make decisions as i do and it's not really right of me to get mad at her. i understand where he's coming from, but to me this isn't a power battle, it's about our son being comfortable in his own skin, which he is now not. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex and i have a six year old, and he's a pretty cool kid if i may say so myself. he's been growing his hair out for quite a while (i have relatively long hair and i think thats where he picked it up from), and he always seemed really happy with it. curls for days. my ex has complained about his hair, but i always told her he got to decide what to do with it. his hair, his choice. anyway, he went back to his moms, and three days ago came back to me. he bolted from the car and was wearing a hat (which he never does, hat hair isn't a good look), and didn't even spare his mother a second glance. she told me he was in a mood and went on her way. anyway, i got in and asked him what was wrong. he burst into tears and took his hat off. his head was almost completely shaved with the tiniest mohawk at the top. i was notably really pissed. not only had she gone against his wishes, our hair is incredibly curly and one rule i was always taught is never shave your curls off. i did when i was younger and it took a near full eight years for my hair to look right again. he's been really upset and clingy, and seems really insecure. he'll usually walk around with his hat on and hood pulled up. when he finally went to sleep i called her and had a go at her, telling her she shouldn't of done that, etc. i also explained how she's probably destroyed his hair for the foreseeable future. her excuse was that brushing it was too hard, which pissed me off even more. he generally brushed his own hair, and even when he was a little reluctant all i had to do was make a thing of it, ("come brush your hair with daddy. we'll look pretty together.") and he was set. i told her what she did was all kinds of wrong, and she'd forced him way back into his shell. she said it had been done and there's no point arguing over it. i angrily messaged a buddy about it, who basically said while it's not something he'd ever do, she has just as much right to make decisions as i do and it's not really right of me to get mad at her. i understand where he's coming from, but to me this isn't a power battle, it's about our son being comfortable in his own skin, which he is now not. aita? [/INST] nta. your ex took away your sons self expression against his will. hair should never be cut unless the person who’s hair it is wants it. you have every right to be angry. i myself would be livid. </s>
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WIBTA if I took my Netflix away from my parents and deleting my Spotify account for them stealing my Spotify?
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throwaway for my aita posts. 15 male for context, so sorry if i make high school level grammatical errors and such. also for later in the story, keep in mind my mother has my e-mail monitored so she can see whatever e-mail i receive. i've always loved music, tv, and movies. so both netflix and spotify are no-brainers for a guy like me. i decided to cut a deal with my parents (in 2017 when i got it) and make it so that when i worked at my volunteer job, they would pay me minimum wage (usd 7.25). the first thing i decided to spend my well-earned money on was a spotify premium subscription. the counter was that it would have to be billed from my parent's bank account for the time being as i am not legally allowed to open one in my state due to the fact i'm under 16. my parents accepted the offer and so we subtracted $15 from my monthly wage to pay for my spotify as time continued.
my grandparents are cool as far as grandparents go. they love video games, music, movies, and all of the other things i like. eventually, in 2018, they decided to get a netflix subscription for them and me. soon, i decided to ask my grandparents if i could put the account on to my parent's tv service so my family and i could watch anything we so desired, they accepted to my surprise. i, therefore, did what i got permission to do and put our account on to my parent's living room tv so we could watch more media.
fast forward to now, my mother ends up changing my spotify password so she can use it to listen to music in the car(even though she has been perfectly content with using the radio for years!). i don't mind the fact that she wants to listen to music, but i pay for that with my own money and her taste in music and mine are very different (i like old stuff from the 1930s all the way to the 1980s while she prefers the stuff most people listen to nowadays, which is not the kind of thing i can stand to listen to{not to offend anyone}). also, she listens to it all day and spotify only allows your account to be used once at a time. so now i keep getting recommended rap music, my friends keep questioning my apparent change in taste of music, and i can't listen to music on my account as my mother keeps stealing it. whenever i talk to her about it, she says that she pays for it so she gets to use it. which is not true!\^\^\^
(side note: they also are annoyed i won't give them the password to the netflix so they can use it on their other devices)
so, i've been thinking, and i believe i have a fair plan. my grandparents are fine with me paying them money to support my spotify account until i can get a bank account. so i personally see it fit to delete my spotify account, start a new personal e-mail to run a new one and other services off of, and delete the netflix from the living room tv. does this seem a fair punishment to them after i have asked them to stop using something i pay for and they get greedy with the netflix they don't own? wibta if i did this?
| 172 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dxg6y2/wibta_if_i_took_my_netflix_away_from_my_parents/
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2019-11-17 01:40:39
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nta, she is abusing the privilege of being able to use spotify, and has the nerve to say she pays for it. no-brainer here.
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reading through the current comments, this has been tough for me, but ultimately i’m going to go with yta.
-you volunteer and your parents give you money, so you don’t actually have a job.
-you’re dead set on “punishing” your parents here, when really they probably see you more as a child (because you’re acting childish) and you see yourself as more of an adult.
-you’re making a big deal about not sharing the netflix that they don’t own, but you don’t own it either - your grandparents are the ones who are paying for it! they are sharing it with you and you don’t want to share with your parents. not sharing the password is one thing but deleting it off the tv is another purely vindictive move that won’t prove any sort of maturity on your part to your parents. you’re gatekeeping something that doesn’t belong to you.
-you’re trying to pit your grandparents against your parents, and that’s a bad idea because it will cause resentment with your parents for undermining them and ultimately may backfire on you.
-i’m 100% certain that your parents provide for you in so many other ways and that you live a privileged life. what else are your parents paying for? certainly necessities like food, housing, electricity, school supplies, doctor appointments, medicine. also clothes, eating out with friends, entertainment? if all that fun stuff comes from your “job” remember that it’s basically an allowance, not an actual job on your part, and you’d be getting even less than 7.25/hr because of social security and taxes, so they’re doing you even better not withholding that.
-spotify premium family is $14.99 so if you’re giving your parents $15 a month like you said, then perfect, go ahead and pay for it for the family and show that you understand what it means to be part of a family and not just a brat and while you’re at it, share one of the six accounts with grandma and grandpa too to show them you appreciate the netflix.
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i get where you're coming from kid - i really do! but at the end of the day, it really is your mom that pays for it. they don't really owe you anything for volunteer work, and you are incredibly lucky that they could afford to pay you out of their own pocket like that. i'd recommend getting a summer/afterschool part time job to afford getting a subscription yourself.
i'm voting nah. you're not an asshole at all op, but i think you have been mildly spoiled up until this point.
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nta. however, maybe try asking of she'd be willing to split the cost of the spotify family plan. it's only a few extra bucks a month and lets you have a few separate accounts tied to one bill. this way you could both still enjoy the service and keep your recommendations tailored to your own listening habits. if she doesn't want to do that, then by all means continue with your plan :)
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nta
not sure how they got your passwords but you should change everything and set up the double factor authorization where you get a text with a code before logging into anything, that way you will know if someone is trying to log on. might be hard to open an account since you are under 18 and i think you need a parent to open it. if your grandparents are cool with you paying them that would be nice. you can always tell your parents you decided not to use your money on those services so they’d give you the cash anyways. good luck!
| null | null | null | null | null |
NTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway for my aita posts. 15 male for context, so sorry if i make high school level grammatical errors and such. also for later in the story, keep in mind my mother has my e-mail monitored so she can see whatever e-mail i receive. i've always loved music, tv, and movies. so both netflix and spotify are no-brainers for a guy like me. i decided to cut a deal with my parents (in 2017 when i got it) and make it so that when i worked at my volunteer job, they would pay me minimum wage (usd 7.25). the first thing i decided to spend my well-earned money on was a spotify premium subscription. the counter was that it would have to be billed from my parent's bank account for the time being as i am not legally allowed to open one in my state due to the fact i'm under 16. my parents accepted the offer and so we subtracted $15 from my monthly wage to pay for my spotify as time continued. my grandparents are cool as far as grandparents go. they love video games, music, movies, and all of the other things i like. eventually, in 2018, they decided to get a netflix subscription for them and me. soon, i decided to ask my grandparents if i could put the account on to my parent's tv service so my family and i could watch anything we so desired, they accepted to my surprise. i, therefore, did what i got permission to do and put our account on to my parent's living room tv so we could watch more media. fast forward to now, my mother ends up changing my spotify password so she can use it to listen to music in the car(even though she has been perfectly content with using the radio for years!). i don't mind the fact that she wants to listen to music, but i pay for that with my own money and her taste in music and mine are very different (i like old stuff from the 1930s all the way to the 1980s while she prefers the stuff most people listen to nowadays, which is not the kind of thing i can stand to listen to{not to offend anyone}). also, she listens to it all day and spotify only allows your account to be used once at a time. so now i keep getting recommended rap music, my friends keep questioning my apparent change in taste of music, and i can't listen to music on my account as my mother keeps stealing it. whenever i talk to her about it, she says that she pays for it so she gets to use it. which is not true!\^\^\^ (side note: they also are annoyed i won't give them the password to the netflix so they can use it on their other devices) so, i've been thinking, and i believe i have a fair plan. my grandparents are fine with me paying them money to support my spotify account until i can get a bank account. so i personally see it fit to delete my spotify account, start a new personal e-mail to run a new one and other services off of, and delete the netflix from the living room tv. does this seem a fair punishment to them after i have asked them to stop using something i pay for and they get greedy with the netflix they don't own? wibta if i did this?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway for my aita posts. 15 male for context, so sorry if i make high school level grammatical errors and such. also for later in the story, keep in mind my mother has my e-mail monitored so she can see whatever e-mail i receive. i've always loved music, tv, and movies. so both netflix and spotify are no-brainers for a guy like me. i decided to cut a deal with my parents (in 2017 when i got it) and make it so that when i worked at my volunteer job, they would pay me minimum wage (usd 7.25). the first thing i decided to spend my well-earned money on was a spotify premium subscription. the counter was that it would have to be billed from my parent's bank account for the time being as i am not legally allowed to open one in my state due to the fact i'm under 16. my parents accepted the offer and so we subtracted $15 from my monthly wage to pay for my spotify as time continued. my grandparents are cool as far as grandparents go. they love video games, music, movies, and all of the other things i like. eventually, in 2018, they decided to get a netflix subscription for them and me. soon, i decided to ask my grandparents if i could put the account on to my parent's tv service so my family and i could watch anything we so desired, they accepted to my surprise. i, therefore, did what i got permission to do and put our account on to my parent's living room tv so we could watch more media. fast forward to now, my mother ends up changing my spotify password so she can use it to listen to music in the car(even though she has been perfectly content with using the radio for years!). i don't mind the fact that she wants to listen to music, but i pay for that with my own money and her taste in music and mine are very different (i like old stuff from the 1930s all the way to the 1980s while she prefers the stuff most people listen to nowadays, which is not the kind of thing i can stand to listen to{not to offend anyone}). also, she listens to it all day and spotify only allows your account to be used once at a time. so now i keep getting recommended rap music, my friends keep questioning my apparent change in taste of music, and i can't listen to music on my account as my mother keeps stealing it. whenever i talk to her about it, she says that she pays for it so she gets to use it. which is not true!\^\^\^ (side note: they also are annoyed i won't give them the password to the netflix so they can use it on their other devices) so, i've been thinking, and i believe i have a fair plan. my grandparents are fine with me paying them money to support my spotify account until i can get a bank account. so i personally see it fit to delete my spotify account, start a new personal e-mail to run a new one and other services off of, and delete the netflix from the living room tv. does this seem a fair punishment to them after i have asked them to stop using something i pay for and they get greedy with the netflix they don't own? wibta if i did this? [/INST] nta, she is abusing the privilege of being able to use spotify, and has the nerve to say she pays for it. no-brainer here. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to work till 3am on a school night
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i'm a server at a popular italian restaurant. i'm also 16 and attend high school full time. i got hired on about a month ago, and have to help close every night.
last sunday, i worked until 10:30 pm serving a party. child labor laws say technically i have to go home then, but i never do because i have to do "my fair share". so i clean my section and do my sidework.
i go to roll my silverware (the count is 100); i get told by the shift leader my sidework isnt done and i have to help clean the backroom. i get assigned 2 more sideworks. so i go to start on them, but it's 11 pm. so i call my mom and tell her i won't be home till at least 3 am. i almost have ny license but my mom still has to take me home from work. she gets really angry when i tell her this.
she drives to my work and talks to me while my head is poked thru the back door. she tells me shes gonna talk to my manager and that i have to come home because it's a school night. so she comes in to talk to my manager, and she tells my mom i cant go home unless i want to leave behind 75% of my tips (they're credit card) or i can stay and do my work. my mom tells her that she can help me, to just show her what to do.
my manager doesnt agree, and tells her to go back to her car while i get back to work. my mom refuses, and says i can just leave because its 11:30 pm on a school night and i have to go home. my manager and my mom start verbally arguing, and finally my manager gives me my money and begrudgingly sends me home.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fdzknu/aita_for_not_wanting_to_work_till_3am_on_a_school/
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2020-03-05 18:26:00
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nta. your manager is breaking a whole lot of labor laws. you either need to report this or find a job who respects you as an employee.
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you, and your mom are nta.
manager is ta of monumental proportions, and needs to be reported to the rgm, corporate (if applies) and your states labor board.
seriously, fuck him.
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nta. its a violation of federal labor laws (in the us) and he attempted both wage theft and blackmail to try to get you to illegally stay. there's a reason they have posted hours you can work on school nights, as well.
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call 311 and tell them that they’re breaking labor laws. i’m not sure where you’re from but in nyc they have certain laws prohibiting an employer to keep minors past a certain time. you are nta
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nta
i don't even know why you would think you are.
frankly, if you're in the us, you should report your boss to their boss and to the state labor board as they've broken multiple laws here. child labor laws are no joke and then they threatened you with taking money that is rightfully yours. that does fall under theft.
i used to manage restaurants and what your boss did is absolute garbage. don't allow them to get away with trying to take advantage of you that way. as a manager, i knew i couldn't schedule minors at those hours due to those laws.
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nta...
also i want to point out that, at your age, it's easy to be a bit intimidated by a boss/manger/owner. however the law states that you should leave at 10:30, that's all you need to know. they can say what they want to you, but please know your rights. it doesn't make you a bad employee. it simply means that you know that the law overrules their "policy."
i wish i could give you some self-assurance :) ...just know that you are right.
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nta. you need to report that asap. even if you get fired for it i’m pretty sure that’s also illegal(in some states in the us it is). that manager is breaking a whole lot of laws, especially related to tipping.
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nta-your mom needs to contact the state labor board. withholding your tips (compensation paid to you) is illegal. forcing you to work beyond the hours permitted by state or federal law is illegal, but [you should look at what the hour limitations are for your state](https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/state/child-labor#). you are not ta for insisting on your employer following the law. be aware though that you might lose your job.
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nta at all:
as many others are saying, your manager (ta in this case) is breaking a ton of labor laws here. you should report her to the authorities (your state's department of labor), and if they question your story and it becomes your word against hers, you can have your mom (as well as possibly any other employees who witnessed her treatment of you and are willing to speak up) back you up.
from what i can tell, your manager is breaking at least two major labor-laws, as well as one other law which is not necessarily labor-related:
1. as you yourself mentioned, it is considered illegal child-labor to have a kid work that late. even if you were **willing** to do so, it wouldn't matter, it is still illegal.
2. she tried to blackmail you by withholding your tips, and wage-withholding is **very** illegal. it is especially reprehensible to withhold tips in this kind of job, since servers aren't even paid minimum-wage and literally depend on their tips for their income.
3. the actual blackmail itself. that isn't so much a labor-law as much as the fact that blackmail is illegal. while i already mentioned the blackmail in point number 2, it's a fact that your manager is breaking yet another entirely separate third law by attempting to blackmail you.
**you need to report this asshole to the authorities immediately. it may be hard to get them to believe you and take action, but you and your mom need to fight for it** until this woman gets brought to justice for her absolutely horrible and illegal employment practices. she is exploiting and blackmailing a 16 year old kid, and that is absolutely and completely unacceptable.
you could also just threaten to get a lawyer and sue her into oblivion for violating labor-laws and blackmailing you. **but i think that wouldn't be the best choice** (although suing her is still always an option if you want to get money out of this, which i wouldn't blame you for, lol), since this lady really needs to be punished and stopped, as i'm sure you are not the only kid who she has bullied and exploited in such a way.
also: is the restaurant some kind of chain or larger corporation? if so, then along with reporting her to the authorities, **you should report your manager to corporate as well.** i would love to see this woman both get legally penalized (massive fines) as well as fired from her job.
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>she tells my mom i cant go home unless i want to leave behind 75% of my tips (they're credit card) or i can stay and do my work.
nta - that's illegal. it's also illegal to break child work laws. thankfully you have your mamma to step in!
find a new place to work!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a server at a popular italian restaurant. i'm also 16 and attend high school full time. i got hired on about a month ago, and have to help close every night. last sunday, i worked until 10:30 pm serving a party. child labor laws say technically i have to go home then, but i never do because i have to do "my fair share". so i clean my section and do my sidework. i go to roll my silverware (the count is 100); i get told by the shift leader my sidework isnt done and i have to help clean the backroom. i get assigned 2 more sideworks. so i go to start on them, but it's 11 pm. so i call my mom and tell her i won't be home till at least 3 am. i almost have ny license but my mom still has to take me home from work. she gets really angry when i tell her this. she drives to my work and talks to me while my head is poked thru the back door. she tells me shes gonna talk to my manager and that i have to come home because it's a school night. so she comes in to talk to my manager, and she tells my mom i cant go home unless i want to leave behind 75% of my tips (they're credit card) or i can stay and do my work. my mom tells her that she can help me, to just show her what to do. my manager doesnt agree, and tells her to go back to her car while i get back to work. my mom refuses, and says i can just leave because its 11:30 pm on a school night and i have to go home. my manager and my mom start verbally arguing, and finally my manager gives me my money and begrudgingly sends me home.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm a server at a popular italian restaurant. i'm also 16 and attend high school full time. i got hired on about a month ago, and have to help close every night. last sunday, i worked until 10:30 pm serving a party. child labor laws say technically i have to go home then, but i never do because i have to do "my fair share". so i clean my section and do my sidework. i go to roll my silverware (the count is 100); i get told by the shift leader my sidework isnt done and i have to help clean the backroom. i get assigned 2 more sideworks. so i go to start on them, but it's 11 pm. so i call my mom and tell her i won't be home till at least 3 am. i almost have ny license but my mom still has to take me home from work. she gets really angry when i tell her this. she drives to my work and talks to me while my head is poked thru the back door. she tells me shes gonna talk to my manager and that i have to come home because it's a school night. so she comes in to talk to my manager, and she tells my mom i cant go home unless i want to leave behind 75% of my tips (they're credit card) or i can stay and do my work. my mom tells her that she can help me, to just show her what to do. my manager doesnt agree, and tells her to go back to her car while i get back to work. my mom refuses, and says i can just leave because its 11:30 pm on a school night and i have to go home. my manager and my mom start verbally arguing, and finally my manager gives me my money and begrudgingly sends me home. [/INST] nta. your manager is breaking a whole lot of labor laws. you either need to report this or find a job who respects you as an employee. </s>
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AITA for not putting my inheritance toward my step daughter’s college fund?
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i’m 30f, and i’ve been married to my husband (42) for a year. we’ve been together three years total. he has a daughter that just turned 16 and a son that’s 14. his son is special needs, and requires full time care. the kids live with their mother most of the time.
my dad died when i was in high school; he’d been sick a long time and he planned for the end well in advance. my sister and i had a trust set up for our inheritance. once we were 18 we received $2500 a year. the rest was off limits until we turned 30. dad wanted us to be responsible before we got the majority of the money, so we wouldn’t just waste it in our early 20s. the inheritance is, well, substantial. dad was an entrepreneur with a lot of successful businesses. not enough to live off of forever, but it’s a good safety net and an investment for the future.
i’ve had plans for the money for a while. i want to pursue a phd, which has been a long term goal, and use the money to upgrade our home, and, my biggest goal of all, adopt a child. the rest will be split into my retirement and savings.
while we usually have shared finances, the inheritance is 100% mine and is in its own bank account. my husband has no legal right to it. that being said, most of my plans for the money involve him as well, obviously. i’ve been upfront about the money since we met, as well as how i intend to spend it.
my husband asked if it’d be willing to start contributing to my step daughter’s college fund, which he and his wife have been putting money into since she was little. her school of choice is out of state, which makes cost astronomically higher... i’m fine with helping her some, for basics like food or gas or utilities, but tuition and fees and room and board are expensive, and i don’t want to put thousands of dollars toward it.
he said they haven’t been able to invest as much as they wanted toward her fund since their son has unexpected medical expenses a few years ago, and they needed more money for his doctor/hospital/carer. she *really* wants to go to this school, which i understand, but we live less than 40 minutes from a university. she’s been studying hard and is a good student, so i think she’ll get in if she applies.
i told my husband she needs to stay in-state, and i won’t be using a big chunk of money that i plan to invest in our future on expenses for an out of state school. he’s a bit irate and says i have a responsibility to her, and we’re a family.
i don’t think i’m being selfish, and i hate to see her disappointed, but he’s known since the beginning that i already have plans for the money. am i being crappy here?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i8kcb8/aita_for_not_putting_my_inheritance_toward_my/
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2020-08-12 19:27:25
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nta. it's your money and you do not have a responsibility to her. don't let him manipulate you and ruin your dreams. that's how resentment forms.
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you’ve only been together a year and he’s saying this??? absolutely not!! keep your money and do with it as you please!!!
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nta. dad needs to tell daughter there are limited funds and to plan college appropriately.
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nta but your husband is, and in a big way. you have zero obligation (morally or otherwise) to provide any help towards your stepdaughter's education. the fact that you are happy to provide some help should be welcomed with open arms; to demand more is flaming asshole behavior.
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nta. in your shoes, i would furnish my stepdaughter’s dorm room and if she is responsible maybe get her a used car from an auto auction. tuition is the responsibility of her parents - especially because they’re both alive and both active in her life. i would have loved to have the best blankets and pillows and lights and a nice little mini fridge; nice size tv and a few months supply of laundry detergent and soap and all those things. i’m sure you will be a blessing to her parents if you really set her dorm up and provided her with toiletries to last her the first few months in college, no matter where she goes. i can’t imagine asking my husband to pay for my daughters college, when her father is around to help pay along with me. i’m sure if i mention it and he found it in his heart to contribute, great, but i certainly wouldn’t expect it. at the end of the day she has both of her parents and you as a bonus parent. period
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nta. this girl was 13 years old when you met her and you've only been married (so technically family) for one year, she was 15 at the time. it's ridiculous to expect you to contribute to her college fund in any way, you didn't raise this kid and have no obligation towards her whatsoever.
yes, some collaboration and gestures would be logical given you're family by marriage but demanding you to take part in financing her studies with thousands of dollars is out of line.
your husband sounds really entitled. especially because you've been honest about the money you'd get and how you'd use it. it seems he just thought you would be married to him by the time you'd get it, so he was going to get you to change your mind or, what seems to be his plan, guilt the crap out of you to get what he wants. it's all kinds of wrong.
had you and your inheritance not coming into her family, what would be of this girl's dream of going out of state for college? she'd either try and get a scholarship, look into student loans, or simply settle for less expensive options her parents could afford. well, that's exactly what she has to do now because you and your inheritance aren't hers and she's not entitled to any of it.
i really hate the way your husband tries to guilt-trip you using his special needs son, his daughter's dream, and the "family" card. please don't give them any money. invest it in your future just like you said. and keep in mind this future might not involve your husband so, don't spend much on him until you can honestly say these issues are settled.
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couldn't tell you. responsibility for stepchildren is an ethical conundrum for me. i can see arguments both ways. my gut says there's probably an age-related cutoff point.
just like a parent has total ethical authority over their five year old's haircuts, but somewhere between 5 and 15 the kid should be able to decide for themselves what kind of hair they want. when exactly that change happens, i don't know.
same kinda thing here. my gut says the kid isn't your kid, is already in high school, and already has both biological parents supporting her as much as they can. not your circus, not your monkey. but i have no idea if my gut is actually correct, or in line with mainstream ethical opinion about stepchildren.
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nta. your stepdaughter has two parents, and is almost an adult. he knows what your money is for.
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nta. you have been very responsible with the inheritance your father left you. you have had a plan and are sticking to it. your husband is acting entitled to your money now that you are married.
yes, she is your step-daughter. you are not responsible to pay for her college. it is the fault of her parents for not saving enough. it sounds like the sister is playing second fiddle to her brother. that your husband is trying to use your inheritance for her college as a way to get her one thing she really wants.
do not let this man manipulate you. follow your plan, op.
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nta - one year married does not mandate you to bankroll anyone’s fancy education
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m 30f, and i’ve been married to my husband (42) for a year. we’ve been together three years total. he has a daughter that just turned 16 and a son that’s 14. his son is special needs, and requires full time care. the kids live with their mother most of the time. my dad died when i was in high school; he’d been sick a long time and he planned for the end well in advance. my sister and i had a trust set up for our inheritance. once we were 18 we received $2500 a year. the rest was off limits until we turned 30. dad wanted us to be responsible before we got the majority of the money, so we wouldn’t just waste it in our early 20s. the inheritance is, well, substantial. dad was an entrepreneur with a lot of successful businesses. not enough to live off of forever, but it’s a good safety net and an investment for the future. i’ve had plans for the money for a while. i want to pursue a phd, which has been a long term goal, and use the money to upgrade our home, and, my biggest goal of all, adopt a child. the rest will be split into my retirement and savings. while we usually have shared finances, the inheritance is 100% mine and is in its own bank account. my husband has no legal right to it. that being said, most of my plans for the money involve him as well, obviously. i’ve been upfront about the money since we met, as well as how i intend to spend it. my husband asked if it’d be willing to start contributing to my step daughter’s college fund, which he and his wife have been putting money into since she was little. her school of choice is out of state, which makes cost astronomically higher... i’m fine with helping her some, for basics like food or gas or utilities, but tuition and fees and room and board are expensive, and i don’t want to put thousands of dollars toward it. he said they haven’t been able to invest as much as they wanted toward her fund since their son has unexpected medical expenses a few years ago, and they needed more money for his doctor/hospital/carer. she *really* wants to go to this school, which i understand, but we live less than 40 minutes from a university. she’s been studying hard and is a good student, so i think she’ll get in if she applies. i told my husband she needs to stay in-state, and i won’t be using a big chunk of money that i plan to invest in our future on expenses for an out of state school. he’s a bit irate and says i have a responsibility to her, and we’re a family. i don’t think i’m being selfish, and i hate to see her disappointed, but he’s known since the beginning that i already have plans for the money. am i being crappy here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m 30f, and i’ve been married to my husband (42) for a year. we’ve been together three years total. he has a daughter that just turned 16 and a son that’s 14. his son is special needs, and requires full time care. the kids live with their mother most of the time. my dad died when i was in high school; he’d been sick a long time and he planned for the end well in advance. my sister and i had a trust set up for our inheritance. once we were 18 we received $2500 a year. the rest was off limits until we turned 30. dad wanted us to be responsible before we got the majority of the money, so we wouldn’t just waste it in our early 20s. the inheritance is, well, substantial. dad was an entrepreneur with a lot of successful businesses. not enough to live off of forever, but it’s a good safety net and an investment for the future. i’ve had plans for the money for a while. i want to pursue a phd, which has been a long term goal, and use the money to upgrade our home, and, my biggest goal of all, adopt a child. the rest will be split into my retirement and savings. while we usually have shared finances, the inheritance is 100% mine and is in its own bank account. my husband has no legal right to it. that being said, most of my plans for the money involve him as well, obviously. i’ve been upfront about the money since we met, as well as how i intend to spend it. my husband asked if it’d be willing to start contributing to my step daughter’s college fund, which he and his wife have been putting money into since she was little. her school of choice is out of state, which makes cost astronomically higher... i’m fine with helping her some, for basics like food or gas or utilities, but tuition and fees and room and board are expensive, and i don’t want to put thousands of dollars toward it. he said they haven’t been able to invest as much as they wanted toward her fund since their son has unexpected medical expenses a few years ago, and they needed more money for his doctor/hospital/carer. she *really* wants to go to this school, which i understand, but we live less than 40 minutes from a university. she’s been studying hard and is a good student, so i think she’ll get in if she applies. i told my husband she needs to stay in-state, and i won’t be using a big chunk of money that i plan to invest in our future on expenses for an out of state school. he’s a bit irate and says i have a responsibility to her, and we’re a family. i don’t think i’m being selfish, and i hate to see her disappointed, but he’s known since the beginning that i already have plans for the money. am i being crappy here? [/INST] nta. it's your money and you do not have a responsibility to her. don't let him manipulate you and ruin your dreams. that's how resentment forms. </s>
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AITA for getting this mad over a "joke"
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lately i (22f) have been setting some boundaries with my bf (29m). he likes to joking insult which has always bothered me since i come from an abusive childhood but i swallow it down because i love him and every time i mention it, we argue. we have two kids (both infants) who are now repeating words. so i had a talk with my bf about stopping the insults and it... you guessed it, turned into an argument.
a few weeks ago, my sister told him an insult that she used to bully me with. my bf has been joking about it ever since. i have expressed i was not okay with it since the second she said it, but he doesn't care. i have asked him multiple times to stop but he won't.
tonight, he doubled down on it. every other "joke" was that insult and i finally just got mad and silent treated him for nearly an hour before talking to him again. he decided to get mad at me for "not being able to take a joke". he kept putting his hand up to me and waving me off telling me to go calm down and then we can talk. but i wanted to talk then. so yes, i got angrier and angrier. i told him "to hell with our relationship then. i hope it goes to shit because i am done trying to communicate with you." and i stormed off.
aita? should i just have said nothing and dealt with it?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rgnw2r/aita_for_getting_this_mad_over_a_joke/
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2021-12-15 02:17:49
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nta - this isn't joking, it's abusive. he's insulting you, and then blaming you for it. you've told him how you feel, and he's willing to teach your kids to do the same to you. this is not good, and your instinct to say to hell with the relationship is the right one. before you leave him and go for full custody, find out recording laws in your state, and record him doing this to you.
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oh op. nta at all. get your kids and get out, if you can. that's not love.
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nta. of course it's an age-difference relationship. women his age won't put up with this abusive bullshit, and he thinks he has you trapped bc you have 2 infants. guess what, it's abuse. him "waving you off" is abusive and demeaning. you absolutely have every right to tell him to stop and you need to leave him before it stops being "jokes." that is the next step, and you both know it. he just thinks he has you trapped and that you're too young and stupid to see it.
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you’re on eggshells. your boyfriend is an asshole. and he’s being a manipulative jerk turning a basic request into an argument.
read the signs: he does not respect you.
nta
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nta, jokes are only funny if both parties agree. if he decides it's a joke about you and you don't... it's not a joke. dump him. he will do the same to your kids... he will tell them to 'stop being so sensitive'
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nta. but more than that, this is abuse. the fact that he thinks it is funny to make you feel like crap and will not listen to you or validate your feelings, says everything. there is nothing "funny" about it. it is cruel. i seriously hope you will rethink this relationship if not for yourself then for your children. they will grow up in this household and think this is normal behavior. is that what you want?
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nta. he’s gas lighting you which is a form of abuse. sucks you decided to have kids with this man. it’s gonna be a long life of that for you especially bc your kids will be picking up on it too
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: lately i (22f) have been setting some boundaries with my bf (29m). he likes to joking insult which has always bothered me since i come from an abusive childhood but i swallow it down because i love him and every time i mention it, we argue. we have two kids (both infants) who are now repeating words. so i had a talk with my bf about stopping the insults and it... you guessed it, turned into an argument. a few weeks ago, my sister told him an insult that she used to bully me with. my bf has been joking about it ever since. i have expressed i was not okay with it since the second she said it, but he doesn't care. i have asked him multiple times to stop but he won't. tonight, he doubled down on it. every other "joke" was that insult and i finally just got mad and silent treated him for nearly an hour before talking to him again. he decided to get mad at me for "not being able to take a joke". he kept putting his hand up to me and waving me off telling me to go calm down and then we can talk. but i wanted to talk then. so yes, i got angrier and angrier. i told him "to hell with our relationship then. i hope it goes to shit because i am done trying to communicate with you." and i stormed off. aita? should i just have said nothing and dealt with it?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
lately i (22f) have been setting some boundaries with my bf (29m). he likes to joking insult which has always bothered me since i come from an abusive childhood but i swallow it down because i love him and every time i mention it, we argue. we have two kids (both infants) who are now repeating words. so i had a talk with my bf about stopping the insults and it... you guessed it, turned into an argument. a few weeks ago, my sister told him an insult that she used to bully me with. my bf has been joking about it ever since. i have expressed i was not okay with it since the second she said it, but he doesn't care. i have asked him multiple times to stop but he won't. tonight, he doubled down on it. every other "joke" was that insult and i finally just got mad and silent treated him for nearly an hour before talking to him again. he decided to get mad at me for "not being able to take a joke". he kept putting his hand up to me and waving me off telling me to go calm down and then we can talk. but i wanted to talk then. so yes, i got angrier and angrier. i told him "to hell with our relationship then. i hope it goes to shit because i am done trying to communicate with you." and i stormed off. aita? should i just have said nothing and dealt with it? [/INST] nta - this isn't joking, it's abusive. he's insulting you, and then blaming you for it. you've told him how you feel, and he's willing to teach your kids to do the same to you. this is not good, and your instinct to say to hell with the relationship is the right one. before you leave him and go for full custody, find out recording laws in your state, and record him doing this to you. </s>
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AITA For not letting anyone hold/take care of my newborn daughter?
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so first time mom here. i gave birth a week ago and have only been home 5 days meaning absolutely everyone in the family wants to come see the new baby. aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, grandparents, the lot. since she has been born my daughter has not left my grandmother or my sight. my family was very unsupportive of my entire pregnancy saying i was faking it (somehow) and i was doing it for attention. some even said i should get an abortion.
well now since all those people have come around i told them they can't hold her or touch her because they didn't support me. some people have said this is petty of me. that i should let by gones be by gones (idk the saying) and let them hold, play, and even take my child places. they have brought my child gifts, diapers, onesies, toys, blankets, and other things as a way to say sorry but i just can't seem to forgive them.
i get it that they are her family but i don't think they should be involved.
aita for not wanting them around my baby even after they apologized??
| 1,627 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dguenj/aita_for_not_letting_anyone_holdtake_care_of_my/
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2019-10-12 12:17:50
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nta
for some reason people see babies as bandaids instead of humans. you are the onlybperson she actually needs for now and the only people you need are the ones you know will be supportive.
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jesus nta fathers opinion would matter a little bit if he's in the picture but that's your baby, if anyone told me that i would be cutting out of my life, not just my babies life
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congratulations!
info: why do you let them visit in the first place?
did they apologise for their judgements and unasked opinions during your pregnancy? it is not petty to want an apology for such hurtful things they said to you.
is your grandmother the person you are closest too? what does she think about this situation and your families behaviour? prior and now?
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>that i should let by gones be by gones (idk the saying) **and let them hold, play, and even take my child places.**
fuck no!
your daughter is one week old. she shouldn’t be going outside yet. and you definitely need to be careful about who holds her — are these extended family members all up to date with their vaccinations?
a relative with a cold sore kissing your baby on the cheek could result in her catching the herpes i virus from them, which as a newborn without a developed immune system could make her deathly ill. so, don’t let these people hold her until you’re certain they have their shots. don’t fall for the “we’re family!” guilt trip!
also, if they didn’t support your pregnancy then they don’t get to dictate the terms for anything. *you set the tone* for when you’re willing to have visitors and share pictures. if they protest, then ban them from coming over at all for periods of time (weeks, months).
nta
congrats on your new baby, op!
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nta. congratulations!
i think you basically have two choices here. your baby is 5 *days* old. five. you're being over-protective, and emotionally sensitive. this would be totally normal. not saying in normal circumstance you wouldn't have the right to feel hurt by the way.
now your family said some hurtful stuff, but then again people are assholes. hopefully assholess have been inconsiderate and tactless, not outright mean. you can stop letting them in your house, or stop them from holding your daughter long-term... or you could also ask them for some space for a while. maybe that will help settle some things.
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info: i feel like there’s something you’re leaving out here. is there a reason they weren’t supportive? or a reason they thought you were faking? seems odd to me that that would be their assumption unless there’s some history i’m unaware of
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it's only been a week?
jfc, girl. your baby is vulnerable right now. so so vulnerable. you need to keep everybody away. her little immune system isn't ready for all these people.
you have the perfect right to limit contact with your family for any reason you choose. but even if you were on great terms with all of them, you should still keep them away. let her get used to being outside the womb and her body able to fight off illness a little more.
keep her to yourself for a long time. do it because it's way better for her in the long run, and better for you in the short run (and long run).
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nta this is your baby it is your choice what happens weither other people like it or not. do what you are comfortable and happy with, don't let other people tell you how to feel.
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nta. never leave your child with people you don't trust. never.
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nta but you need to reframe a few things: thank them for gifts but say you're tired/resting/bonding. explain newborn immune systems are delicate and if and when you're ready for guests they need to bring their vax records and a recent tdap record bc you're keeping your baby safe and healthy. give yourself some time before you reevaluate and stop letting them in to see the baby.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.02053 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so first time mom here. i gave birth a week ago and have only been home 5 days meaning absolutely everyone in the family wants to come see the new baby. aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, grandparents, the lot. since she has been born my daughter has not left my grandmother or my sight. my family was very unsupportive of my entire pregnancy saying i was faking it (somehow) and i was doing it for attention. some even said i should get an abortion. well now since all those people have come around i told them they can't hold her or touch her because they didn't support me. some people have said this is petty of me. that i should let by gones be by gones (idk the saying) and let them hold, play, and even take my child places. they have brought my child gifts, diapers, onesies, toys, blankets, and other things as a way to say sorry but i just can't seem to forgive them. i get it that they are her family but i don't think they should be involved. aita for not wanting them around my baby even after they apologized??
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so first time mom here. i gave birth a week ago and have only been home 5 days meaning absolutely everyone in the family wants to come see the new baby. aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, grandparents, the lot. since she has been born my daughter has not left my grandmother or my sight. my family was very unsupportive of my entire pregnancy saying i was faking it (somehow) and i was doing it for attention. some even said i should get an abortion. well now since all those people have come around i told them they can't hold her or touch her because they didn't support me. some people have said this is petty of me. that i should let by gones be by gones (idk the saying) and let them hold, play, and even take my child places. they have brought my child gifts, diapers, onesies, toys, blankets, and other things as a way to say sorry but i just can't seem to forgive them. i get it that they are her family but i don't think they should be involved. aita for not wanting them around my baby even after they apologized?? [/INST] nta for some reason people see babies as bandaids instead of humans. you are the onlybperson she actually needs for now and the only people you need are the ones you know will be supportive. </s>
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AITA for hiding my personal life at work?
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i'm in a little trouble at work because i've been sort of hiding my personal life. i've worked in this office for about nine years, working my way up. i'm notoriously private and also believe in a clear separation of work and home life. with that, i never, ever talk about home life. i'm not ashamed of my life i just don't like to discuss it at work. my coworkers enjoy talking about their personal lives and often include me. if i'm asked any questions i usually redirect or move on to someone else. in this manner, none of my coworkers knew i'm married, have twin daughters and a very active personal life.
we hired melinda last year and she took it upon herself to become the office snoop. she spent several weeks getting as close to everyone as possible. however, she does this to seek out potentially useful information she can hold over peoples head. try as she did, i never gave her anything. my coworkers view me as a sort of enigma. compartmentalization aside, i've made some great friendships at work. there are more things to talk about than my husband and my kids. they are a big part of my life but i'm not even going to martyr myself and say they're the most important. they're hugely important and come before everything else but i'm not a sycophant and i enjoy the ten hours a day i'm at work when i get to be an adult and talk about things other than jojo siwa and the newest jenndashian exploit.
last week, friday, melinda came into work looking like the cat who got the goldfish. at lunch she announced to everyone that i am married with two daughters, a dog, and a nice house. i play softball, i kayak, and occasionally mountain climb and that i'm on facebook. she couldn't see my posts however some of my photos are shared with others and therefore not private. i use a shortened version of my name (ali from alexandra) and my married name on fb so i'm not sure how she found me, unless she used whitepages and put two and two together. i've already reported her to hr.
but the problem is, my coworkers are acting like this is a bfd. one of my friends said she's hurt that i don't trust any of them and hold them in "such low regard". i tried to explain that it's nothing against anyone, i just don't like discussing home at work and vice versa. i never bring work home. when i'm home that's time with my kids, or my dog, or my husband, or friends and hobbies. heck, i chose to live an hour outside of the city in a small town just to avoid work when i'm not there. i've apologized if any feelings were hurt but my coworkers are now giving me the chill and won't talk to me unless it's directly about work. i honestly don't see the problem. i've never lied to them, i've never given them false info, i've never made up wild tales about my life. i'm still the same person i was, now they just know more about me than they did.
aita?
&#x200b;
| 19,076 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d66v6a/aita_for_hiding_my_personal_life_at_work/
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2019-09-19 01:20:59
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nta- melinda needs to mind her fucking business. i would complain to hr about her harassing you.
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you’re totally justified in wanting to keep personal and professional lives separate. your business is your business, and you’re entitled to keep it that way.
of course, i’m not sure you can call people friends and actively hide your life from them. it’s reasonable for people who thought they knew you to feel pretty shitty about the fact that you’ve been lying to them by omission for years. and honestly, it’s also reasonable for them to give you what you wanted: work life separate from personal life. i wouldn’t be social with someone who told me they don’t want me to know even be most basic things about them (like their marital status or kids’ names) either. i’d stick to work and leave them be.
you would be ta if you expected this not to change relationships at all. let’s be honest, you knew it would, or you would have just told them you wanted to keep them out of your personal life in the first place instead of obfuscating. you would have said “no thanks, i don’t talk personal relationships at work,” instead of changing the subject. essentially, you wanted to keep them out of your personal life while still getting to be part of theirs. i’m not sure that makes you ta, but it’s not great either.
now that said, the snoop’s clearly ta, so it’s not a straight n a h. like obviously she should just mind her own business, and creeping on people’s social media is stalker level shitty. then announcing it to everyone was even worse. she’s an asshole, and a big one.
so tl;dr, nta, but also i don’t think you’re being wholly fair to the rest of your coworkers either. they’re nta for feeling hurt or keeping you at a distance either; you’ve been doing it to them for years, and it’s pretty unreasonable to expect them to welcome finding out you’ve been hiding things from them.
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you're not the asshole but you can't expect them to talk to you about anything else but work.
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yta but only sort of. melinda is a huge asshole. anyway, i’m going to be downvoted so bad for this, i can already tell. it honestly blows my mind that you could work with people for nine years and not even mention once that you’re married or have kids. i don’t think you’re an asshole for wanting to be private but you’re acting like you’re in the witness protection program. i don’t expect my coworkers to tell me personal things but we all have a very basic idea of what each other’s home lives are like. because when you first meet people at work it’s a pretty common question “do you have any kids?” especially if you work with other women. how was this question never asked once in 9 years? it just seems like a lot of work to keep them 100% in the dark about anything about you. how is that not exhausting?
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nta - melinda is. that is your private life, and exactly that, you are entitled to keep it private.
to me, melinda could be considered a stalker and possibly a matter for the police, let alone hr.
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yta, but barely. you don't have to share your personal life, but you can't expect these people to be friends with you when you won't let them know the most basic details of your life. of course they're only going to talk business with you, you set that precedent. so you're not ta for your actions, weird as they are, but for your hypocritical expectations of others.
also, i'd be pretty hurt if my wife's coworkers didn't know that i and our children existed.
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esh. the coworker’s snooping is obnoxious and unnecessary, but the other coworkers are right that you are being insanely unfriendly. everyone reading this post already knows more about you than the people you see every day. consciously covering all this normal stuff up is really fucked up.
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nta but you also can’t really complain if they aren’t going to be friends with you. yeah they are only going to talk to you about work...because that’s what you wanted.
people are friends with people; people with histories and feelings and stories. you are refusing to be that so they aren’t going to be your friend. most people are going to feel like you don’t trust them enough to share even basic info about your life, which is going to make them not trust you in return, especially now that they know that you are actively hiding details of your life.
nta because you have that right to be private, i’m just surprised that you’re surprised they don’t feel like trying to have a personal relationship with you when you clearly don’t want one with them.
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nta - you are allowed to keep your personal life separate from work, but, after 9 years your coworker who felt like they were close to you realized you have an entire life that you don't want to talk to them about, which they are understandably hurt about.
the one who truly sucks is melinda, who went out of her way to pry into your life and share with everyone.
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nah. you’re entitled to your privacy. i too have always kept my private live private. however, you took this to an extreme level, not even sharing you’re married or have children. this is unusual and you shouldn’t be surprised that this is the result. you can maintain privacy without appearing secretive.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| 0.341285 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm in a little trouble at work because i've been sort of hiding my personal life. i've worked in this office for about nine years, working my way up. i'm notoriously private and also believe in a clear separation of work and home life. with that, i never, ever talk about home life. i'm not ashamed of my life i just don't like to discuss it at work. my coworkers enjoy talking about their personal lives and often include me. if i'm asked any questions i usually redirect or move on to someone else. in this manner, none of my coworkers knew i'm married, have twin daughters and a very active personal life. we hired melinda last year and she took it upon herself to become the office snoop. she spent several weeks getting as close to everyone as possible. however, she does this to seek out potentially useful information she can hold over peoples head. try as she did, i never gave her anything. my coworkers view me as a sort of enigma. compartmentalization aside, i've made some great friendships at work. there are more things to talk about than my husband and my kids. they are a big part of my life but i'm not even going to martyr myself and say they're the most important. they're hugely important and come before everything else but i'm not a sycophant and i enjoy the ten hours a day i'm at work when i get to be an adult and talk about things other than jojo siwa and the newest jenndashian exploit. last week, friday, melinda came into work looking like the cat who got the goldfish. at lunch she announced to everyone that i am married with two daughters, a dog, and a nice house. i play softball, i kayak, and occasionally mountain climb and that i'm on facebook. she couldn't see my posts however some of my photos are shared with others and therefore not private. i use a shortened version of my name (ali from alexandra) and my married name on fb so i'm not sure how she found me, unless she used whitepages and put two and two together. i've already reported her to hr. but the problem is, my coworkers are acting like this is a bfd. one of my friends said she's hurt that i don't trust any of them and hold them in "such low regard". i tried to explain that it's nothing against anyone, i just don't like discussing home at work and vice versa. i never bring work home. when i'm home that's time with my kids, or my dog, or my husband, or friends and hobbies. heck, i chose to live an hour outside of the city in a small town just to avoid work when i'm not there. i've apologized if any feelings were hurt but my coworkers are now giving me the chill and won't talk to me unless it's directly about work. i honestly don't see the problem. i've never lied to them, i've never given them false info, i've never made up wild tales about my life. i'm still the same person i was, now they just know more about me than they did. aita? &#x200b;
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm in a little trouble at work because i've been sort of hiding my personal life. i've worked in this office for about nine years, working my way up. i'm notoriously private and also believe in a clear separation of work and home life. with that, i never, ever talk about home life. i'm not ashamed of my life i just don't like to discuss it at work. my coworkers enjoy talking about their personal lives and often include me. if i'm asked any questions i usually redirect or move on to someone else. in this manner, none of my coworkers knew i'm married, have twin daughters and a very active personal life. we hired melinda last year and she took it upon herself to become the office snoop. she spent several weeks getting as close to everyone as possible. however, she does this to seek out potentially useful information she can hold over peoples head. try as she did, i never gave her anything. my coworkers view me as a sort of enigma. compartmentalization aside, i've made some great friendships at work. there are more things to talk about than my husband and my kids. they are a big part of my life but i'm not even going to martyr myself and say they're the most important. they're hugely important and come before everything else but i'm not a sycophant and i enjoy the ten hours a day i'm at work when i get to be an adult and talk about things other than jojo siwa and the newest jenndashian exploit. last week, friday, melinda came into work looking like the cat who got the goldfish. at lunch she announced to everyone that i am married with two daughters, a dog, and a nice house. i play softball, i kayak, and occasionally mountain climb and that i'm on facebook. she couldn't see my posts however some of my photos are shared with others and therefore not private. i use a shortened version of my name (ali from alexandra) and my married name on fb so i'm not sure how she found me, unless she used whitepages and put two and two together. i've already reported her to hr. but the problem is, my coworkers are acting like this is a bfd. one of my friends said she's hurt that i don't trust any of them and hold them in "such low regard". i tried to explain that it's nothing against anyone, i just don't like discussing home at work and vice versa. i never bring work home. when i'm home that's time with my kids, or my dog, or my husband, or friends and hobbies. heck, i chose to live an hour outside of the city in a small town just to avoid work when i'm not there. i've apologized if any feelings were hurt but my coworkers are now giving me the chill and won't talk to me unless it's directly about work. i honestly don't see the problem. i've never lied to them, i've never given them false info, i've never made up wild tales about my life. i'm still the same person i was, now they just know more about me than they did. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] nta- melinda needs to mind her fucking business. i would complain to hr about her harassing you. </s>
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AITA for reacting negatively to being "outed" as gay when I'm not?
|
this happened about five years ago when i was a college freshman, and i still cringe every time i think about it.
i used to be friends/roommates with this guy named jeremy, who liked to mess with me and play stupid pranks. usually it was just dumb stuff like drawing dicks and other embarrassing things on my face when i was drunk. but one time i fell asleep without shutting off my laptop, and he decided it would be funny to go into my facebook account and change my status to something like "it's been so hard for me to find the courage to share this, but i want to let everyone know that i'm gay."
i woke up the next morning and immediately saw the status, and there were about thirty comments underneath it. two or three people had realized right away that someone had gotten into my account, but there were a lot of comments from random friends and acquaintances saying they supported me and more than few who wrote things like "i knew the whole time!" and "that explains so much." that isn't something i would care about now, but man, as an awkward 18 year old dude who had a lot of insecurities about never having had a girlfriend and how other people perceived me, it was like a punch to the gut.
i quickly deleted everything and posted a new status explaining that one of my friends had hacked my account. i reiterated multiple times that i was definitely, absolutely not gay and i didn't know why everyone was assuming that i was. i was really pissed.
in retrospect, i probably didn't handle things very well. i don't think i should have gotten so angry and defensive, because maybe that implied that being gay was a bad or negative thing, when of course it's not. i like to think i've grown a lot since then, and i don't know if i'm just overthinking things or if i did actually mess up as badly as i think i did. aita?
| 2,405 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ebxsco/aita_for_reacting_negatively_to_being_outed_as/
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2019-12-17 16:11:40
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nta
i'm gay, and have to say, what jeremy did was super homophobic. by posting that status, he was implying that the 'fact' that you were gay would be both funny and embarrassing. this is a pretty common thing, but definitely at minimum homophobia-esque. your response was fine, you have every right to be upset at a privacy violation like that!
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anger of having your privacy violated is rational.
i don't see any homophobia in this post.
nta.
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fucjing hell nta
these types of jokes are outdated and stupid.
you're not gay, and now when you try to defend yourself, it's going to look like you're a "self hating gay" or don't want to acknowledge it. not to mention that people may not believe he did it to you, and blame you for the joke.
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nta. having people confused about your sexuality can lead to a whole pile of problems. i’m straight but i present in a way that is stereotypically like a butch lesbian. i get asked out by women a lot, which doesn’t bother me, but what has bugged me is people assuming my sexuality and telling men not to ask me out.
in high school i got the whole “oh he was going to ask you to out, but i told him not to because you’re gay” thing from people, it happened more than once. acting like they did me a favor. and i was never even “outed” by anyone. i can’t imagine how rough it would be with people thinking they have “confirmation” of your sexuality.
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nta
i panicked the first time someone "outed" me. i was a self conscious teenager, struggled with internalized homophobia and was already made fun of for not having a boyfriend. so, when one of my classmates made it their business to start a rumor? i not only denied it, but i even got myself a fake boyfriend. does that mean i was a bigot? i hope not.
you were 18, not 30. you had insecurities about your lack of dating experience, and in that case, your perceived sexuality. young people are allowed to struggle with those things. why is an lgbt adolescent more entitled than a straight one to have those emotions? unless you threw around slurs and said "no homo!", you did nothing wrong.
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nta
i'm a gay man and i really hate how people used to post "i'm gay" when a friend forgot his facebook open, as if being gay is funny or wrong.
although you could've handled it better, i think that your reaction was acceptable for an awkward teenager in a time where lgbt issues and homophobic actions weren't as discussed as they are now, and the fact that you, today, realize that you could've handled it better speaks a lot about your personal growth
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nta. plenty of gay people post statuses about being gay. you’re similarly allowed to clarify your sexual orientation. the only ah here is your friend who invaded your privacy and tried to embarrass you on social media
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[deleted]
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nta for getting upset at the dumb prank. obviously being gay isn't a negative thing and looking back at it you understand that, but you're not the asshole for feeling pissed off that attention was drawn to you in a way you didn't ask for.
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nta
speaking as someone who is gay i've somewhat moved past the immature sentiment that a negative response to an accusation of being gay or the need to correct the misconception is somehow a form of greater homophobia than the people making a load of assumptions or flinging it around as an accusation in the first place. how you identify is personal to you, and you're entitled to some level of ire when people feel the need to cast doubt over that. yes, even if that ire is in response to an accusation of something that on its own isn't a negative state of being.
put differently, there's greater negativity i'd apply to the people saying, "it makes so much sense now," or the friend who thought it would be *hilarious* to fake out you than by you being pissed off someone would do that in the first place. especially given that such things when genuine can thoroughly fuck up a person's life. there's a reason outing people against their will is seen as a horrendous act.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened about five years ago when i was a college freshman, and i still cringe every time i think about it. i used to be friends/roommates with this guy named jeremy, who liked to mess with me and play stupid pranks. usually it was just dumb stuff like drawing dicks and other embarrassing things on my face when i was drunk. but one time i fell asleep without shutting off my laptop, and he decided it would be funny to go into my facebook account and change my status to something like "it's been so hard for me to find the courage to share this, but i want to let everyone know that i'm gay." i woke up the next morning and immediately saw the status, and there were about thirty comments underneath it. two or three people had realized right away that someone had gotten into my account, but there were a lot of comments from random friends and acquaintances saying they supported me and more than few who wrote things like "i knew the whole time!" and "that explains so much." that isn't something i would care about now, but man, as an awkward 18 year old dude who had a lot of insecurities about never having had a girlfriend and how other people perceived me, it was like a punch to the gut. i quickly deleted everything and posted a new status explaining that one of my friends had hacked my account. i reiterated multiple times that i was definitely, absolutely not gay and i didn't know why everyone was assuming that i was. i was really pissed. in retrospect, i probably didn't handle things very well. i don't think i should have gotten so angry and defensive, because maybe that implied that being gay was a bad or negative thing, when of course it's not. i like to think i've grown a lot since then, and i don't know if i'm just overthinking things or if i did actually mess up as badly as i think i did. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened about five years ago when i was a college freshman, and i still cringe every time i think about it. i used to be friends/roommates with this guy named jeremy, who liked to mess with me and play stupid pranks. usually it was just dumb stuff like drawing dicks and other embarrassing things on my face when i was drunk. but one time i fell asleep without shutting off my laptop, and he decided it would be funny to go into my facebook account and change my status to something like "it's been so hard for me to find the courage to share this, but i want to let everyone know that i'm gay." i woke up the next morning and immediately saw the status, and there were about thirty comments underneath it. two or three people had realized right away that someone had gotten into my account, but there were a lot of comments from random friends and acquaintances saying they supported me and more than few who wrote things like "i knew the whole time!" and "that explains so much." that isn't something i would care about now, but man, as an awkward 18 year old dude who had a lot of insecurities about never having had a girlfriend and how other people perceived me, it was like a punch to the gut. i quickly deleted everything and posted a new status explaining that one of my friends had hacked my account. i reiterated multiple times that i was definitely, absolutely not gay and i didn't know why everyone was assuming that i was. i was really pissed. in retrospect, i probably didn't handle things very well. i don't think i should have gotten so angry and defensive, because maybe that implied that being gay was a bad or negative thing, when of course it's not. i like to think i've grown a lot since then, and i don't know if i'm just overthinking things or if i did actually mess up as badly as i think i did. aita? [/INST] nta i'm gay, and have to say, what jeremy did was super homophobic. by posting that status, he was implying that the 'fact' that you were gay would be both funny and embarrassing. this is a pretty common thing, but definitely at minimum homophobia-esque. your response was fine, you have every right to be upset at a privacy violation like that! </s>
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AITA for following through on the promise I made to my mom?
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throwaway because people know my main account.
&#x200b;
my (23f) younger brother "m" (20m) has always been babied by my parents. m dropped out of college to pursue a career in gaming, lives at home with my parents, and works part time at my dad's company. none of this is necessarily bad, however, because my parent's have been so lax with him, m believes he can get away with pretty much anything, and almost always does.
&#x200b;
since quarantine began my parent's decided to quarantine at our lake house (they're more at risk so they wanted to be more secluded) leaving my brother and i in our family house together. i have my own apartment in the city near us but decided i wanted to stay at home away from more populated places. since being home and parent's gone my brother doesn't do any of the cleaning. i mean none. he'll eat and leave his plate next to the sink with his food still in it. he is 20 years old and is incapable of putting his plate in the dishwasher. when i've asked him too he gets all pissy and goes back upstairs to play fortnight without cleaning.
&#x200b;
i complained to my mom because he does this all the time even when my parents are here and she just cleans his crap up mindlessly (this includes cleaning his room and doing his laundry). my mom told me that that isn't true and she's never seen him do that before. i told her i'd start taking a photograph every time he did it and send it to her to prove that he does. she kinda scoffed at me and said "fine do it," it was obvious she didn't believe m was actually doing any of the things i said he did.
&#x200b;
so i started doing it. i also started refusing to clean m's things and only cleaning my own. it has been two days since this started and i have already sent her over eight pictures of his dishes lying around in miscislanious places and and empty bag of chips and cookies that he left in the snack drawer when he was done eating them because he is literally incapable of taking the time to throw something out.
&#x200b;
my mom has gotten frustrated and said i was just trying to go after m, but i told her i was just doing as we agreed upon and showing her that m never cleans up or does anything around the house. she hasn't answered since and i feel sorta bad but i do need her to realize how much she does for him and how little he does overall.
&#x200b;
so aita?
| 617 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gf9jh5/aita_for_following_through_on_the_promise_i_made/
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2020-05-07 16:15:24
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nta. but if i were you, if it isn't too much of a risk, i'd just move back to your apartment and let him fend for himself and let you mom clean up his shit when they get back.1-6 months worth of mess will be enough (hopefully) for her to realize.
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nta just move back to your own apartment and let him rot in his own filth
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nta, m needs to grow up, he is a 20 year old child. your mom is probably upset that she has to face the realization that her son is unable to do even the smallest of tasks.
keep sending them to her, who knows maybe by the time quarantine is finished she’ll make him clean & take responsibility for himself
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info - why don't you move back to your own apartment, and leave him to it?
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nta and your mother obviously does not care. so, keep on truckin' and only clean after yourself. leave it for her for when she comes home. and after this, to expect any type of mature behavior from your brother or your parents making him accountable will be fruitless. i feel your frustration! good luck
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nta obviously, this is a bit petty but she refuses to solve the issue so you can’t really have an adult conversation with her. for what it’s worth, there’s no way your brother will suddenly decide to change. your parents are doing everything for him so you will either have to deal with living in a messy (and dirty) house or go back to your own apartment. there’s of course the option to continue doing everything yourself but please don’t.
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nta. however, don’t expect your mom to change. best to remove yourself from the situation as much as you can, because it will only cause you anxiety and stress. i would move back to my apartment; better for your mental health.
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nta. your brother is a slob and needs to clean more. your mother is not eating her words because she’s seen how messy he is.
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nta, you should find somewhere else to quarantine and let your brother drown in his adult responsibilities
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nta, but neither is your mom. yes, she helped create this, but even if she 100% believed you what can she do right now from a different location? i would have responded to her "he's never done that before" with a "well he's doing it now and i just wanted to let you know i'm done cleaning after him or nagging him."
hopefully you have separate food and more importantly, separate bathrooms. you might have to cave and clean the dishes so you can cook or depending on his reaction, put them in a box outside his door.
i'd just let both parents know that you aren't going to clean up after him, but you will clean up after yourself and your dog, and let them deal with him when they get back because you are going to stay out of it from now on. then do that. (i might still take pictures)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because people know my main account. &#x200b; my (23f) younger brother "m" (20m) has always been babied by my parents. m dropped out of college to pursue a career in gaming, lives at home with my parents, and works part time at my dad's company. none of this is necessarily bad, however, because my parent's have been so lax with him, m believes he can get away with pretty much anything, and almost always does. &#x200b; since quarantine began my parent's decided to quarantine at our lake house (they're more at risk so they wanted to be more secluded) leaving my brother and i in our family house together. i have my own apartment in the city near us but decided i wanted to stay at home away from more populated places. since being home and parent's gone my brother doesn't do any of the cleaning. i mean none. he'll eat and leave his plate next to the sink with his food still in it. he is 20 years old and is incapable of putting his plate in the dishwasher. when i've asked him too he gets all pissy and goes back upstairs to play fortnight without cleaning. &#x200b; i complained to my mom because he does this all the time even when my parents are here and she just cleans his crap up mindlessly (this includes cleaning his room and doing his laundry). my mom told me that that isn't true and she's never seen him do that before. i told her i'd start taking a photograph every time he did it and send it to her to prove that he does. she kinda scoffed at me and said "fine do it," it was obvious she didn't believe m was actually doing any of the things i said he did. &#x200b; so i started doing it. i also started refusing to clean m's things and only cleaning my own. it has been two days since this started and i have already sent her over eight pictures of his dishes lying around in miscislanious places and and empty bag of chips and cookies that he left in the snack drawer when he was done eating them because he is literally incapable of taking the time to throw something out. &#x200b; my mom has gotten frustrated and said i was just trying to go after m, but i told her i was just doing as we agreed upon and showing her that m never cleans up or does anything around the house. she hasn't answered since and i feel sorta bad but i do need her to realize how much she does for him and how little he does overall. &#x200b; so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because people know my main account. &#x200b; my (23f) younger brother "m" (20m) has always been babied by my parents. m dropped out of college to pursue a career in gaming, lives at home with my parents, and works part time at my dad's company. none of this is necessarily bad, however, because my parent's have been so lax with him, m believes he can get away with pretty much anything, and almost always does. &#x200b; since quarantine began my parent's decided to quarantine at our lake house (they're more at risk so they wanted to be more secluded) leaving my brother and i in our family house together. i have my own apartment in the city near us but decided i wanted to stay at home away from more populated places. since being home and parent's gone my brother doesn't do any of the cleaning. i mean none. he'll eat and leave his plate next to the sink with his food still in it. he is 20 years old and is incapable of putting his plate in the dishwasher. when i've asked him too he gets all pissy and goes back upstairs to play fortnight without cleaning. &#x200b; i complained to my mom because he does this all the time even when my parents are here and she just cleans his crap up mindlessly (this includes cleaning his room and doing his laundry). my mom told me that that isn't true and she's never seen him do that before. i told her i'd start taking a photograph every time he did it and send it to her to prove that he does. she kinda scoffed at me and said "fine do it," it was obvious she didn't believe m was actually doing any of the things i said he did. &#x200b; so i started doing it. i also started refusing to clean m's things and only cleaning my own. it has been two days since this started and i have already sent her over eight pictures of his dishes lying around in miscislanious places and and empty bag of chips and cookies that he left in the snack drawer when he was done eating them because he is literally incapable of taking the time to throw something out. &#x200b; my mom has gotten frustrated and said i was just trying to go after m, but i told her i was just doing as we agreed upon and showing her that m never cleans up or does anything around the house. she hasn't answered since and i feel sorta bad but i do need her to realize how much she does for him and how little he does overall. &#x200b; so aita? [/INST] nta. but if i were you, if it isn't too much of a risk, i'd just move back to your apartment and let him fend for himself and let you mom clean up his shit when they get back.1-6 months worth of mess will be enough (hopefully) for her to realize. </s>
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AITA for not letting my cheater dad walk me down the aisle?
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we are egyptian and my mom and dad both spent at least part of their childhood in egypt. my dad was raised to believe that you marry a woman who will make a good mom and who fits some social requirements, and you can sleep with anyone you want on the side. i get that is something he was raised with, but he was in the us at the time of his marriage and wasn't totally unaware of how most people view marriage.
he married my mom because she was very nurturing and he knew she would make a great mom, but he had girlfriends on the side throughout their marriage. when i was 12 he met "anna" at a party and he literally had my mom take the car and talked to her for 8 hours. she became his best friend which was greatly upsetting to my mom. my dad and anna definitely had an emotional affair, which became physical at some point. from 12-18 she was always around, hanging on him, making inappropriate jokes in front of my mom, sleeping over our house sometimes when she fought with her husband (anna comes from a similar culture and married for money/status) needless to say i hate anna.
when i (youngest child) left for college, he divorced my mom and immediately proposed to anna. my mom has never gotten over this. she has zero idea how to date or move on and hates him to the point she hardly wants to be in the same room as him.
i'm getting married soon and decided to have my mom walk me down the aisle. when i told my dad he was clearly upset and ended our visit abruptly. anna sent me a long long message about how i'm a privileged white girl and i have no idea what it was like growing up in the middle east and the things that shaped my dad, and that i am hurting him with my ignorance and righteousness. she said she hates that he is still paying for my wedding because i don't deserve a thing.
at this point i want to uninvite anna but probably won't, but aita for not having my dad walk me down the aisle. i love him. he was a great dad, but i feel that actions have consequences, and my mom is more deserving.
| 1,611 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rxxbfg/aita_for_not_letting_my_cheater_dad_walk_me_down/
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2022-01-07 03:24:43
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nta and honestly i'd tell anna to never open her mouth to you again, that anything between you and your father is only between you and she needs to butt out because she is nothing to you and never will be. then i'd block her.
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nta - as someone currently in the middle east who knows a lot of egyptians of all socio-economic and religious backgrounds, cheating on your wife is definitely not part of the culture.
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nta. tell anna she and your father hurt you and humiliated your mother for years with their selfishness, and they have never apologized or made amends to either you or your mother. then tell her to keep her opinions to herself, because you aren't interested in listening to her whining. and if she doesn't like it, she's perfectly free not to attend. don't let anyone guilt trip or emotionally manipulate you about it.
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nta
why is anne invited though..? if i were you i would have uninvited that b
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nta- i think its great your mom is walking you down the aisle. don’t take the guilt trip from anna.
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nta he's a cheater and affairs aren't looked kindly upon anywhere.
&#x200b;
also how are you a privileged white girl if everyone involved in this is egyptian or arab lmao.
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nta. at this point i would probably uninvite them both, anna for sure. she and your dad split your family up, she's a homewrecker through and through. she gets no say in the matter, and your dad needs to accept that his cultural norms don't excuse his actions. he cheated, and a result of that is a permanent strain in the family. this is something everyone is affected by, and he's gotta live with that.
if he weren't paying for the wedding, or if anna somehow convinces him not to, cut him loose.
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nta, your dad sounds awful and entitled. this anna person should just shut up, you have a right to your own opinions and your dads culture is no excuse. you disagree with his morals and behaviour why should he walk you down the aisle?
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nta wow the audacity of the home wrecker to lectures you about privilege. please she and your dad can go pound sand and uninvited them both op.
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info - what is your plan if father cuts off funding for the wedding?
if your answer is something like fund your own wedding and celebrate without dad and anna then not the a hole
if you want the money for the wedding but don’t like the consequences of your actions then everyone sucks here (you / dad / anna)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we are egyptian and my mom and dad both spent at least part of their childhood in egypt. my dad was raised to believe that you marry a woman who will make a good mom and who fits some social requirements, and you can sleep with anyone you want on the side. i get that is something he was raised with, but he was in the us at the time of his marriage and wasn't totally unaware of how most people view marriage. he married my mom because she was very nurturing and he knew she would make a great mom, but he had girlfriends on the side throughout their marriage. when i was 12 he met "anna" at a party and he literally had my mom take the car and talked to her for 8 hours. she became his best friend which was greatly upsetting to my mom. my dad and anna definitely had an emotional affair, which became physical at some point. from 12-18 she was always around, hanging on him, making inappropriate jokes in front of my mom, sleeping over our house sometimes when she fought with her husband (anna comes from a similar culture and married for money/status) needless to say i hate anna. when i (youngest child) left for college, he divorced my mom and immediately proposed to anna. my mom has never gotten over this. she has zero idea how to date or move on and hates him to the point she hardly wants to be in the same room as him. i'm getting married soon and decided to have my mom walk me down the aisle. when i told my dad he was clearly upset and ended our visit abruptly. anna sent me a long long message about how i'm a privileged white girl and i have no idea what it was like growing up in the middle east and the things that shaped my dad, and that i am hurting him with my ignorance and righteousness. she said she hates that he is still paying for my wedding because i don't deserve a thing. at this point i want to uninvite anna but probably won't, but aita for not having my dad walk me down the aisle. i love him. he was a great dad, but i feel that actions have consequences, and my mom is more deserving.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we are egyptian and my mom and dad both spent at least part of their childhood in egypt. my dad was raised to believe that you marry a woman who will make a good mom and who fits some social requirements, and you can sleep with anyone you want on the side. i get that is something he was raised with, but he was in the us at the time of his marriage and wasn't totally unaware of how most people view marriage. he married my mom because she was very nurturing and he knew she would make a great mom, but he had girlfriends on the side throughout their marriage. when i was 12 he met "anna" at a party and he literally had my mom take the car and talked to her for 8 hours. she became his best friend which was greatly upsetting to my mom. my dad and anna definitely had an emotional affair, which became physical at some point. from 12-18 she was always around, hanging on him, making inappropriate jokes in front of my mom, sleeping over our house sometimes when she fought with her husband (anna comes from a similar culture and married for money/status) needless to say i hate anna. when i (youngest child) left for college, he divorced my mom and immediately proposed to anna. my mom has never gotten over this. she has zero idea how to date or move on and hates him to the point she hardly wants to be in the same room as him. i'm getting married soon and decided to have my mom walk me down the aisle. when i told my dad he was clearly upset and ended our visit abruptly. anna sent me a long long message about how i'm a privileged white girl and i have no idea what it was like growing up in the middle east and the things that shaped my dad, and that i am hurting him with my ignorance and righteousness. she said she hates that he is still paying for my wedding because i don't deserve a thing. at this point i want to uninvite anna but probably won't, but aita for not having my dad walk me down the aisle. i love him. he was a great dad, but i feel that actions have consequences, and my mom is more deserving. [/INST] nta and honestly i'd tell anna to never open her mouth to you again, that anything between you and your father is only between you and she needs to butt out because she is nothing to you and never will be. then i'd block her. </s>
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AITA for calling the cops about my neighbors kids?
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first a little backstory/setup.
my wife and purchased a house 4 years ago. we are in our early 20s and had one baby (now 3 - thanks twins). the culdesac is elderly except for one home in which two boys live with their grandparents and father. at the time of this post they are about 6-7 and 9-10. as a parent this hurts to point out but it is very relevant to the story - these children have some severe learning disabilities.
these kids are always outside. every day for multiple hours every day. which is fantastic, especially nowadays. it’s about 50/50 on whether or not their dad or grandparents are with them or if they are alone though. they constantly go into our yard, touch my car in the driveway, walk up to you extremely close while mowing/working outside and they do this to every neighbor. we have also almost hit the kids with our car several times and have seen it happen while outside with others. they struggle to understand that standing behind a car backing out is bad, and the like. i genuinely worry for their safety daily.
my wife has talked to the granddad on 2 occasions, and i have spoken to the kids several times about the situation (when they are actively disturbing me or my property) and the grandfather once. no change. and it has become worse as they have gotten older. so my wife and i talked and we decided to call it in to the police since we feel the kids are in danger. i don’t want to use the word neglect but i don’t know what else to call it.
one thing my mom pointed out is that if we were to hurt the kids in an accident it would be beneficial to have this on record that we have at least tried to help and tried to keep them safe. the police explained the situation to them and reported back to me that information and that should i see it again they will have it on record to more or less open an actual investigation scenario (i’m not versed in exactly how that works).
the grandfather has been talking to everyone about it now and i denied everything. that’s the point of an anonymous report after all. he said that he wished someone had come to them first, which is understandable, however we tried that, maybe not over and over again many times, but we did our diligence there i believe.
so, am i the asshole?
| 549 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i18jn2/aita_for_calling_the_cops_about_my_neighbors_kids/
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2020-07-31 14:34:28
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nta. you did come to them first. you spoke to the kids and spoke to the grandfather. this is an situation in which it is an accident just waiting to happen. i probably would have called child services rather than the police though. they rarely take away children but are able to help offer resources and try to ensure their safety.
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nta
some may say "kids will be kids" and will accept the behavior. all i see are see are two young children that are going around unsupervised and getting in potentially dangerous situations. you've already reached out to their guardians about the issue and they've done nothing to address it. you should probably add/edit your post to include you've contacted dcf/cps and they were the ones that instructed you to first file a police report. otherwise you would become the ah.
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nta these kids are coming on your property without your permission and their carers are doing nothing. they are unsupervised and getting into dangerous situations. if the granddad won't do anything when you come to him what else are you to do? you're looking out for these kids *and* rightfully protecting your property.
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nta here. you had talked to gp and father and kids. if they are learning disabled to a degree that they put themselves in danger and are not being appropriately watched then that is neglect of a dependent. usually dcs will do a check list to see if the report is immediate danger for a child and if they deem it so then they have anywhere from immediate to one week to visit the home. crime there they can determine what services the family may need. but because they instructed you to call the police it is a paper trail. if they continue to have issues and the police continue to get called the police can contact dcs. because a dcs call is anonymous it was wise to call them first. police calls can be of public record. still nta for calling the police.
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nta. you are concerned about safety and contacted the proper authorities, who told you to contact police, so you did. another job cops shouldn't have to do, but that's how the system operates. you would feel awful if something were to happen to them and you hadn't contacted someone sooner.
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nta. there are predators everywhere, and you are trying to protect the kids. (my mind always goes there first as i formerly worked in social services and volunteered with a human trafficking organization.)
it can be very dangerous when kids are not cautious around adults they don’t know. and this does sound like neglect. normal guardians don’t allow children to be wandering up and down the street for hours just talking to whoever.
i know it feels weird, but i think you did a good thing.
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nta. your mom is right. i just wish their parents/grandparents were more cautious.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: first a little backstory/setup. my wife and purchased a house 4 years ago. we are in our early 20s and had one baby (now 3 - thanks twins). the culdesac is elderly except for one home in which two boys live with their grandparents and father. at the time of this post they are about 6-7 and 9-10. as a parent this hurts to point out but it is very relevant to the story - these children have some severe learning disabilities. these kids are always outside. every day for multiple hours every day. which is fantastic, especially nowadays. it’s about 50/50 on whether or not their dad or grandparents are with them or if they are alone though. they constantly go into our yard, touch my car in the driveway, walk up to you extremely close while mowing/working outside and they do this to every neighbor. we have also almost hit the kids with our car several times and have seen it happen while outside with others. they struggle to understand that standing behind a car backing out is bad, and the like. i genuinely worry for their safety daily. my wife has talked to the granddad on 2 occasions, and i have spoken to the kids several times about the situation (when they are actively disturbing me or my property) and the grandfather once. no change. and it has become worse as they have gotten older. so my wife and i talked and we decided to call it in to the police since we feel the kids are in danger. i don’t want to use the word neglect but i don’t know what else to call it. one thing my mom pointed out is that if we were to hurt the kids in an accident it would be beneficial to have this on record that we have at least tried to help and tried to keep them safe. the police explained the situation to them and reported back to me that information and that should i see it again they will have it on record to more or less open an actual investigation scenario (i’m not versed in exactly how that works). the grandfather has been talking to everyone about it now and i denied everything. that’s the point of an anonymous report after all. he said that he wished someone had come to them first, which is understandable, however we tried that, maybe not over and over again many times, but we did our diligence there i believe. so, am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
first a little backstory/setup. my wife and purchased a house 4 years ago. we are in our early 20s and had one baby (now 3 - thanks twins). the culdesac is elderly except for one home in which two boys live with their grandparents and father. at the time of this post they are about 6-7 and 9-10. as a parent this hurts to point out but it is very relevant to the story - these children have some severe learning disabilities. these kids are always outside. every day for multiple hours every day. which is fantastic, especially nowadays. it’s about 50/50 on whether or not their dad or grandparents are with them or if they are alone though. they constantly go into our yard, touch my car in the driveway, walk up to you extremely close while mowing/working outside and they do this to every neighbor. we have also almost hit the kids with our car several times and have seen it happen while outside with others. they struggle to understand that standing behind a car backing out is bad, and the like. i genuinely worry for their safety daily. my wife has talked to the granddad on 2 occasions, and i have spoken to the kids several times about the situation (when they are actively disturbing me or my property) and the grandfather once. no change. and it has become worse as they have gotten older. so my wife and i talked and we decided to call it in to the police since we feel the kids are in danger. i don’t want to use the word neglect but i don’t know what else to call it. one thing my mom pointed out is that if we were to hurt the kids in an accident it would be beneficial to have this on record that we have at least tried to help and tried to keep them safe. the police explained the situation to them and reported back to me that information and that should i see it again they will have it on record to more or less open an actual investigation scenario (i’m not versed in exactly how that works). the grandfather has been talking to everyone about it now and i denied everything. that’s the point of an anonymous report after all. he said that he wished someone had come to them first, which is understandable, however we tried that, maybe not over and over again many times, but we did our diligence there i believe. so, am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. you did come to them first. you spoke to the kids and spoke to the grandfather. this is an situation in which it is an accident just waiting to happen. i probably would have called child services rather than the police though. they rarely take away children but are able to help offer resources and try to ensure their safety. </s>
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AITA for not letting my daughter kiss me on my cheek anymore?
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last week, my youngest daughter (5f) was playing with a neighbor's dog. my wife wasn't paying attention and the dog licked my daughter all over her face and lips.
ever since then i've not been letting my daughter kiss me on my cheek anymore. and i have not been kissing her anymore either. i keep thinking about the dog slobber on it.
i have four other daughters (the twins - 6f, 7f, and 9f) and they complained to my wife about me not letting them kiss me anymore. but i can't kiss four girls, and not kiss one.
my wife keeps telling me that if i don't start kissing them again it's going to hurt them in the long run. i don't see how and honestly i think she feels guilty for not watching our daughter more closely. i told her they'll all be teenagers soon and get over it, but for now, i'm sticking to high-fives and fist bumps.
**edit** guys, the dog slobber isn't on her face anymore, but the image of the dog licking her face is lodged into my brain.
**edit** i don't want to keep repeating this, so i'm going to put it here. i came outside and saw the dog licking my daughter's face. my wife was over there talking to the neighbor and i yelled, "babe!" to her and pointed.
**edit** i already explained this. the reason why i stopped kissing the other 4 is because if i kiss the other 4 or let them kiss me, my youngest daughter would feel left out and that wouldn't be fair to her.
**edit** you guys keep saying get therapy. what is therapy going to do exactly? hypnotize me and make me forget about the dog licking her face?
| 1,034 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lmvkn5/aita_for_not_letting_my_daughter_kiss_me_on_my/
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2021-02-18 19:53:57
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yta. if it bothers you so much, wash your 5 year old’s face.
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yta
if you saw this happen, why are you claiming “my wife wasn’t paying attention”??? you were clearly paying attention, you can step in and stop it. furthermore, good lord just wash her face and hands and it’s gone.
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yta
the dog slobber isn’t still on her face a week later. you are overacting. kiss your child. wtf.
do you have an obscene fear of dogs or something...? i think you may need some therapy or mental health treatment. this is not normal at all.
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you stopped showing affection to all your kids because one kid had her face licked by a dog once and plan to do this indefinitely and youre not sure you’re an asshole? and you think your wife is the one feeling guilty here? seriously? this would be comical if it wasn’t so pathetic. i look forward to your post in a few years asking why none of your daughters want anything to do with you despite you being such an amazing father.
unbelievable. wash your damn kid’s face, yta absolutely and unequivocally.
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yta.
holy shit dude, if this is real, you have some serious issues. get help.
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yta, how do you have five kids and this is what crosses the grossness line for you? kids are gross. you gotta love them anyway.
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>my wife wasn't paying attention and the dog licked my daughter all over her face and lips.
>i think she feels guilty for not watching our daughter more closely.
and... you were there, didn't pay attention either, and when you saw her getting licked you did nothing? and you're blaming your wife?
and you refuse to give affection to your daughters because one got licked by a dog once?
and you say they'll be teenagers soon and they'll get over it yet... they're all under 10.
are you for real or...? if yes, yta without a doubt.
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yta if anything about this is true. "they'll be teenagers soon"?? four of them are aged 5 though 7.
pretty sad if you are planning on going the rest of their lives without kissing them just because of your aversion to a one-time dog slobber on a face that no doubt has been washed since then. and why are you throwing shade on your wife for not watching 5 kids closely enough (while no doubt doing 5 other things at the same time)?
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yta. how did you ever face poopy diapers. do you still wash your hands incessantly trying to get rid of the poop smell?
only seven more years before the youngest is a teenager! that is coming up quick! hope you still have a relationship with your girls by then. how do you think that they feel about your rejection. they don't understand your phobias and how you have transferred that to your relationship with them.
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yta
i could understand if it was right after your daughter was all slobbered up, but it washes off. its like saying you won't kiss your wife because she sucked your trouser snake and your voided your bladder through that snake and now she has a filthy bladder mouth. grow up.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last week, my youngest daughter (5f) was playing with a neighbor's dog. my wife wasn't paying attention and the dog licked my daughter all over her face and lips. ever since then i've not been letting my daughter kiss me on my cheek anymore. and i have not been kissing her anymore either. i keep thinking about the dog slobber on it. i have four other daughters (the twins - 6f, 7f, and 9f) and they complained to my wife about me not letting them kiss me anymore. but i can't kiss four girls, and not kiss one. my wife keeps telling me that if i don't start kissing them again it's going to hurt them in the long run. i don't see how and honestly i think she feels guilty for not watching our daughter more closely. i told her they'll all be teenagers soon and get over it, but for now, i'm sticking to high-fives and fist bumps. **edit** guys, the dog slobber isn't on her face anymore, but the image of the dog licking her face is lodged into my brain. **edit** i don't want to keep repeating this, so i'm going to put it here. i came outside and saw the dog licking my daughter's face. my wife was over there talking to the neighbor and i yelled, "babe!" to her and pointed. **edit** i already explained this. the reason why i stopped kissing the other 4 is because if i kiss the other 4 or let them kiss me, my youngest daughter would feel left out and that wouldn't be fair to her. **edit** you guys keep saying get therapy. what is therapy going to do exactly? hypnotize me and make me forget about the dog licking her face?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last week, my youngest daughter (5f) was playing with a neighbor's dog. my wife wasn't paying attention and the dog licked my daughter all over her face and lips. ever since then i've not been letting my daughter kiss me on my cheek anymore. and i have not been kissing her anymore either. i keep thinking about the dog slobber on it. i have four other daughters (the twins - 6f, 7f, and 9f) and they complained to my wife about me not letting them kiss me anymore. but i can't kiss four girls, and not kiss one. my wife keeps telling me that if i don't start kissing them again it's going to hurt them in the long run. i don't see how and honestly i think she feels guilty for not watching our daughter more closely. i told her they'll all be teenagers soon and get over it, but for now, i'm sticking to high-fives and fist bumps. **edit** guys, the dog slobber isn't on her face anymore, but the image of the dog licking her face is lodged into my brain. **edit** i don't want to keep repeating this, so i'm going to put it here. i came outside and saw the dog licking my daughter's face. my wife was over there talking to the neighbor and i yelled, "babe!" to her and pointed. **edit** i already explained this. the reason why i stopped kissing the other 4 is because if i kiss the other 4 or let them kiss me, my youngest daughter would feel left out and that wouldn't be fair to her. **edit** you guys keep saying get therapy. what is therapy going to do exactly? hypnotize me and make me forget about the dog licking her face? [/INST] yta. if it bothers you so much, wash your 5 year old’s face. </s>
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AITA for "not caring" about my neighbors' daughter's death?
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so this *just* happened. i live in a gated community with my parents and my brother and his gf, we all love christmas so when it's time to decorate, we all have a great time doing it together as a family activity. anyhow, we have a family as neughboors that had 2 little girls, sadly, one of the girls passed away like 1-2 weeks ago, we don't know what happened, just that it didn't happen in the house.
so a few days ago we decorated and everything was fine, until it wasn't. like an hour ago we heard someone nock on the door, so i go and it was my neighbors. i greeted them and commented on how lovely their dog is (they came over while walking him). they seemed stand-offish, like i had offended them or something, so i just asked if they wanted to come in.
they said no and proceeded to yell at me about my family being disrespectful to their mourning and that it was inconsiderate for us to be in front of the house where they could see us, having fun decorating, and leaving all the decorations on when we "obviously know how much it meant to their little girl". i was baffled to say the least. my dad heard the argument and came down and basically told them that he is deeply sorry for their loss, but that they can't expect all the families in the neighborhood to just "cancel christmas", like would they get mad at family reunions to celebrate too?
he explained that christmas is also a emotionally heavy for us, since it's the time of the year that both my prents were diagnosed with cancer, and had to spend several years on the hospital right in this season, so therefore, we use it to celebrate being all here and together. he told them they were more than welcome to come over to decorate the tree all together since the other little girl loves doing it, and that it would be something that could cheer her up a bit, but that they can't ask us to change our family dynamics, whether we celebrate christmas or not, and if we can "go on with our lives" bc they said that it's unfair that they're stuck with they're grief and nobody else is showing any. (we did send them flowers and cooked some meals to take to them so they wouldn't have to worry about cooking).
the mom started crying hysterically and acting a bit erratic, afterwards he kicked them out, and they left yelling all sorts of insults and stuff and saying we're awful neighbors for not caring about their daughter's death.
my gma said it cost us nothing to just take the decorations down and do family activities in other places, and that we were ahs for how we treated a grieving family. so aita?
| 3,582 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rbk66d/aita_for_not_caring_about_my_neighbors_daughters/
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2021-12-08 05:54:06
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nta. i mean, they’re grieving so i get the super irrational behaviour. but you haven’t done anything wrong and the neighbours will accept that to be true eventually. maybe not this year, but eventually.
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nta. your families points are all valid. yes it would be hard for them, but in the nicest way possible, that’s a them problem. it seems as though your grandma just feels a bit guilty and is pandering to them. you guys have done nothing wrong.
p.s. this is coming from someone who’s mother died christmas day, and who’s best friend died in a car crash boxing day. don’t get me wrong it’s bloody hard, but i can’t expect everyone to cancel christmas for me. maybe cos the death is so fresh, but still, they can’t take it out on you guys.
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nta. your father was more than kind and respectful in his explanations. don’t take it to heart, they are grieving the most unimaginable loss and are misdirecting their anger and frustration at your family. be understanding while continuing your traditions knowing that they don’t have much of the spirit of christmas to look forward to this year.
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nta yeah, it's terrible for them and it must be very hard to see other families doing what their daughter loved.
however they have another child, if they just sit and mope around every christmas their other kid is just going to get seriously messed up.
they need to teach their living child that christmas can still happen without his/her sibling and that it's still a time for celebration and family togetherness. they can do all that and still mourn and respect their lost loved one.
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nah. your dad was 100% right and handled matters well.
but grieving parents get a ton of leeway. what they are asking of your family is crazy. there is a reason the saying “mad with grief” exists. grief can literally make normal people crazy. forgive them and continue treating them well until the madness part of their grief passes.
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the other family was in the wrong. but, 1-2 weeks after losing a child, their little girl, nobody would be in their right mind. they were likely just out of their mind, trying to find some way to take control of some aspect of the world which had recently gone crazy on them.
they were in the wrong, and your family was not in the wrong to say it was unreasonable for that family to expect you to do things differently.
i just hope that your dad said all this gently. if there is one time that acting unreasonably is somewhat reasonable it must in the middle of the shock of having just lost a child. one week after my mom died (nothing compared to losing a child), i had barely yet gotten myself together enough to figure out what my name was.
how you all interact with this family later is likely to do with how you got along before this tragedy and if the other family continues to act wacky in months going forward. i'm sorry about your parents having cancer.
nta. the other family was in the wrong, but they are kind of nta, either, (although completely in the wrong) because they were temporarily crazy.
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nta. their demands that they not see families celebrating are pretty unreasonable, though they make sense - they've been through a tragedy, and grief can make a mockery of sense. hopefully your family stays gentle but firm on your boundaries with them.
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nah.
of course your family isn't wrong to celebrate the season as usual, but to lose a child is one of the most devastatingly cruel things that can happen to anyone, it would be shocking if they weren't pissed that the world did not stop turning when their little girl died.
you folks have not done anything wrong but your neighbors' hearts are shattered, so try to understand that logic doesn't really play into anything they might say or do for the next few months.
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they're still grieving so they're gonna be lashing out at anyone. don't take it to heart, and just move on.
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nta. my son died at age 13 just after christmas time. its so, so painful for a grieving parent to watch the world continue on despite the death of your child. it very much feels like the world should have absolutely stopped moving on the day the child died.
but that isn't how the world works. it does move on and painfully, slowly you start to see ways out of the fog of debilitating grief.
i now make an "angel tree" in honor of my son, who has been gone going on 15 years. i fill a tree full of ornaments that remind me of him and it is one of my favorite christmas traditions.
you don't need to take your decorations down. but do have compassion for them. they are in unfathomable pain. consider, if not this year, then next year quietly surprising them with a little angel tree of their own that they can add to every year.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.002566 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so this *just* happened. i live in a gated community with my parents and my brother and his gf, we all love christmas so when it's time to decorate, we all have a great time doing it together as a family activity. anyhow, we have a family as neughboors that had 2 little girls, sadly, one of the girls passed away like 1-2 weeks ago, we don't know what happened, just that it didn't happen in the house. so a few days ago we decorated and everything was fine, until it wasn't. like an hour ago we heard someone nock on the door, so i go and it was my neighbors. i greeted them and commented on how lovely their dog is (they came over while walking him). they seemed stand-offish, like i had offended them or something, so i just asked if they wanted to come in. they said no and proceeded to yell at me about my family being disrespectful to their mourning and that it was inconsiderate for us to be in front of the house where they could see us, having fun decorating, and leaving all the decorations on when we "obviously know how much it meant to their little girl". i was baffled to say the least. my dad heard the argument and came down and basically told them that he is deeply sorry for their loss, but that they can't expect all the families in the neighborhood to just "cancel christmas", like would they get mad at family reunions to celebrate too? he explained that christmas is also a emotionally heavy for us, since it's the time of the year that both my prents were diagnosed with cancer, and had to spend several years on the hospital right in this season, so therefore, we use it to celebrate being all here and together. he told them they were more than welcome to come over to decorate the tree all together since the other little girl loves doing it, and that it would be something that could cheer her up a bit, but that they can't ask us to change our family dynamics, whether we celebrate christmas or not, and if we can "go on with our lives" bc they said that it's unfair that they're stuck with they're grief and nobody else is showing any. (we did send them flowers and cooked some meals to take to them so they wouldn't have to worry about cooking). the mom started crying hysterically and acting a bit erratic, afterwards he kicked them out, and they left yelling all sorts of insults and stuff and saying we're awful neighbors for not caring about their daughter's death. my gma said it cost us nothing to just take the decorations down and do family activities in other places, and that we were ahs for how we treated a grieving family. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so this *just* happened. i live in a gated community with my parents and my brother and his gf, we all love christmas so when it's time to decorate, we all have a great time doing it together as a family activity. anyhow, we have a family as neughboors that had 2 little girls, sadly, one of the girls passed away like 1-2 weeks ago, we don't know what happened, just that it didn't happen in the house. so a few days ago we decorated and everything was fine, until it wasn't. like an hour ago we heard someone nock on the door, so i go and it was my neighbors. i greeted them and commented on how lovely their dog is (they came over while walking him). they seemed stand-offish, like i had offended them or something, so i just asked if they wanted to come in. they said no and proceeded to yell at me about my family being disrespectful to their mourning and that it was inconsiderate for us to be in front of the house where they could see us, having fun decorating, and leaving all the decorations on when we "obviously know how much it meant to their little girl". i was baffled to say the least. my dad heard the argument and came down and basically told them that he is deeply sorry for their loss, but that they can't expect all the families in the neighborhood to just "cancel christmas", like would they get mad at family reunions to celebrate too? he explained that christmas is also a emotionally heavy for us, since it's the time of the year that both my prents were diagnosed with cancer, and had to spend several years on the hospital right in this season, so therefore, we use it to celebrate being all here and together. he told them they were more than welcome to come over to decorate the tree all together since the other little girl loves doing it, and that it would be something that could cheer her up a bit, but that they can't ask us to change our family dynamics, whether we celebrate christmas or not, and if we can "go on with our lives" bc they said that it's unfair that they're stuck with they're grief and nobody else is showing any. (we did send them flowers and cooked some meals to take to them so they wouldn't have to worry about cooking). the mom started crying hysterically and acting a bit erratic, afterwards he kicked them out, and they left yelling all sorts of insults and stuff and saying we're awful neighbors for not caring about their daughter's death. my gma said it cost us nothing to just take the decorations down and do family activities in other places, and that we were ahs for how we treated a grieving family. so aita? [/INST] nta. i mean, they’re grieving so i get the super irrational behaviour. but you haven’t done anything wrong and the neighbours will accept that to be true eventually. maybe not this year, but eventually. </s>
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AITA for not taking my niece with
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*posted anonymously for someone*
i (24f) am getting married in about 7 months. last week i had my wedding dress appointment and brought only my mom, my mil, and my moh. my fiance (28m) has a 4 year old niece. my fiance and i already established that we are not having kids at the wedding or in the wedding party. my sil has been constantly berating us on not allowing our niece at the wedding or even being involved. the venue we chose is not child friendly (it has fountains and multiple ponds) and we didn’t want anything happening to kids since at weddings, parents don’t always pay attention. it also costs extra for kids to attend our wedding as the meals in general. my sil and i don’t really get along as i feel she is narcissistic. when i invited mil to the dress appointment, sil made the suggestion that my mil brings my niece with. (i booked my appointment at a shop where it only had bridal gowns.) i was open to the idea until sil said i should go to davids bridal instead so niece can try on flower girl dresses. i said that it is not a good idea as i don’t want niece thinking she is going to be at the wedding. i told her she is more than welcome to come with mil but i am going the the boutique i want. sil is now refusing to come to the wedding saying i am purposely excluding my niece and trying to get my boyfriends family to not attend.
aita?
| 227 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ybvikd/aita_for_not_taking_my_niece_with/
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2022-10-23 22:58:47
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nta - your wedding your rules, you've set that expectation clearly and early and sil is ignoring that and trying to bully you into something you're not comfortable with for many reasons.
honestly you'll be better off without her, enjoy your wedding.
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nta. not only is it your wedding, you also have legit safety concerns due to the venue. i can say with first-hand experience that children are dumb (not their fault, they just don't know better) and easily get into unsafe situations. adding drunk adults to the mix just makes it worse.
i had a (then) 5-year-old cousin who was the ring bearer at an outdoor wedding that had a pond on a farm. dumbass was told to not go near the pond or bother the geese.
guess who's now missing a chunk of their buttcheek?
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nta you have every right to have a child free wedding. there is also high risk at the venue so its dangerous for her. there is no need for her to try on flower girl dresses - her mother is being manipulative.
also its insane to invite a 4 year old into an expensive bridal shop - with dresses worth thousands and where she will have a short attention span and want the day to be about her and to try dresses on and want attention on her. she's a kid and to her it will look like a princess shop.it doesnt matter whose child it is - you dont take 4 year olds into shops like that. if i was a shop worker i'd be panicking because she'd be touching dresses - and potentially getting marks or stains on them and just trying to touch everything or being upset when she got tired or bored. there is a risk of damage to the dresses.
her mother can take her to any dress shop, any day of the week and play princess with her. her mother can even take her into a bridal store with flower girl dresses and pretend she's looking for a flower girl dress or she can take her to a fancy dress costume store and buy her a cinderella outfit etc. why do you have to entertain her kid?she's not even coming to the wedding. why would you contribute to lying, raising her hopes and excitement if she isnt coming.
also flower girl dress shopping happens separately to bride dress shopping. her kid is the centre of her world not yours or anyone else's.
her mother also doesnt seem to have accepted that her daughter is not invited. she is trying to get in via the backdoor.
tell her that you have a right to have a child free wedding and its your duty to not to have kids on site at a venue which is not suitable for them. and then tell her she has every right to not want to come to child free wedding and that you dont hold her choice against her.
dont talk about cost - family will always hold that against you even though its a real thing.
also stop communicating with her on this and get your future husband to speak to his family. it's his sister. also its his niece not yours, you are not even married and will be the uncles wife. if his sister wants her to go shopping then she can go with uncle as he tries on his suits..
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4yr old + ridiculously expensive dresses.... what could go wrong?
nta and don't negotiate with terrorists ; )
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> sil is now refusing to come to the wedding
problem solved. since sil is acting like a child and they aren't allowed at the wedding. nta
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you're not obliged to invite kids to your wedding, but should be prepared to accept that their parents might not come without them.
sil is trying to sneak her daughter in by the back door, which is an ah move.
nta
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nta.
you've set your boundaries and have every right to enforce them.
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nta anyone who takes her side also won't contribute anything good to your wedding. next time she says she isn't coming, just say "thank you for understanding" and move on.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: *posted anonymously for someone* i (24f) am getting married in about 7 months. last week i had my wedding dress appointment and brought only my mom, my mil, and my moh. my fiance (28m) has a 4 year old niece. my fiance and i already established that we are not having kids at the wedding or in the wedding party. my sil has been constantly berating us on not allowing our niece at the wedding or even being involved. the venue we chose is not child friendly (it has fountains and multiple ponds) and we didn’t want anything happening to kids since at weddings, parents don’t always pay attention. it also costs extra for kids to attend our wedding as the meals in general. my sil and i don’t really get along as i feel she is narcissistic. when i invited mil to the dress appointment, sil made the suggestion that my mil brings my niece with. (i booked my appointment at a shop where it only had bridal gowns.) i was open to the idea until sil said i should go to davids bridal instead so niece can try on flower girl dresses. i said that it is not a good idea as i don’t want niece thinking she is going to be at the wedding. i told her she is more than welcome to come with mil but i am going the the boutique i want. sil is now refusing to come to the wedding saying i am purposely excluding my niece and trying to get my boyfriends family to not attend. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
*posted anonymously for someone* i (24f) am getting married in about 7 months. last week i had my wedding dress appointment and brought only my mom, my mil, and my moh. my fiance (28m) has a 4 year old niece. my fiance and i already established that we are not having kids at the wedding or in the wedding party. my sil has been constantly berating us on not allowing our niece at the wedding or even being involved. the venue we chose is not child friendly (it has fountains and multiple ponds) and we didn’t want anything happening to kids since at weddings, parents don’t always pay attention. it also costs extra for kids to attend our wedding as the meals in general. my sil and i don’t really get along as i feel she is narcissistic. when i invited mil to the dress appointment, sil made the suggestion that my mil brings my niece with. (i booked my appointment at a shop where it only had bridal gowns.) i was open to the idea until sil said i should go to davids bridal instead so niece can try on flower girl dresses. i said that it is not a good idea as i don’t want niece thinking she is going to be at the wedding. i told her she is more than welcome to come with mil but i am going the the boutique i want. sil is now refusing to come to the wedding saying i am purposely excluding my niece and trying to get my boyfriends family to not attend. aita? [/INST] nta - your wedding your rules, you've set that expectation clearly and early and sil is ignoring that and trying to bully you into something you're not comfortable with for many reasons. honestly you'll be better off without her, enjoy your wedding. </s>
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AITA for telling my cousin to mind her own business?
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so i (19f) am a professional drummer. i have been playing the drums for about 10 years and i've been playing in y band for roughly 3 years now.
recently our band has been starting to grow in popularity, which is why my parents bought me new, professional drums. with professional i mean over $5000. they have always been very supportive of me and my career. while i do attend university, my band is still my biggest priority. my cousin (27f) who i'll call amy has always been a bit jealous of me and my success.
for context amy never graduated high school and she dropped out when she was 16 to live with her, at the time, boyfriend across the country. we live in a fairly small country so she was still only 2 hours away from us. because of that she was never able to get a proper job and currently works as a room cleaner on a minimum wage.
i always put a lot of effort into my education and graduated at the top of my class and got into my dream university with a fully covered tuition. i'm currently in my 2nd year of university (astrophysics). i work part time as a waitress at a local coffee shop, all while still managing to stay at the top of my classes and practicing with the band.
last week at a family reunion my dad mentioned that him and my mom are buying me a new $5000 drum set, since the band has been getting a lot of attention in the recent months. everyone in the family was very happy for me, except amy.
the reunion was coming to an end when amy said she wanted to talk to me in private. i went to another room with her, where she went off on me calling me a gold digger, an attention seeking bitch and a talentless whore. i told her it's not my fault she dropped out and to mind her own business.
i left soon after, and when i got to my apartment i immediately called my parents and some friends and told them what happened. they say i was right to shut her up and put her in her place.
the next day i started getting a lot of angry texts and calls from the rest of my family, telling me what an awful person i am for making amy upset. a few of my aunts have been calling me an asshole for speaking to my cousin like that, although i really don't think i was in the wrong there.
i don't feel like the ah, but i'd like some anonymous opinions on the situation.
so aita for telling my cousin to mind her own business?
| 243 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wbabcd/aita_for_telling_my_cousin_to_mind_her_own/
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2022-07-29 17:13:08
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nta. congrats on the success of your band! amy made her bed and now she's upset she has to lay in it. if she wants to improve her life, there are tools available to do so. right now, she's on a path of trying to bring others down to feel as bad as she does. just keep doing what you're doing and enjoy your life.
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nta. paris hilton once said, “jealous is a disease. get well soon❤️”
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nta- so its just fine that she called you a bunch of rude names but you calling her a dropout is the horrible thing. wow, sounds like the story she told is wildly different then yours.
she is the one who started in on you, she did drop out, if she wanted to fix that issue she can. she is jealous and a nasty person.
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nta she sounds very jealous
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so, nta, your cousing is ta, but so are your parents. why did they need to brag about the cost of your new drumset? a bit stuck up in my opinion. they could just say you are getting a new drumset without mentioning the price. are you leaving out any context? seems highly irregular for someone to go off that hard on you for your parents buying you a new drum set. also, your cousin doesn’t understand the definition of gold digger.
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nta, $5000 isnt even that much compared to the real high quality instruments. my parents dropped $6000 on my french horn. it isnt your cousins business what your parents buy for you anyway
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nta and i'm willing to bet she lied to them and added a lot of things you didn't say or do. and why is it okay with them for her to insult you but it's not okay to make her upset? sheesh.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (19f) am a professional drummer. i have been playing the drums for about 10 years and i've been playing in y band for roughly 3 years now. recently our band has been starting to grow in popularity, which is why my parents bought me new, professional drums. with professional i mean over $5000. they have always been very supportive of me and my career. while i do attend university, my band is still my biggest priority. my cousin (27f) who i'll call amy has always been a bit jealous of me and my success. for context amy never graduated high school and she dropped out when she was 16 to live with her, at the time, boyfriend across the country. we live in a fairly small country so she was still only 2 hours away from us. because of that she was never able to get a proper job and currently works as a room cleaner on a minimum wage. i always put a lot of effort into my education and graduated at the top of my class and got into my dream university with a fully covered tuition. i'm currently in my 2nd year of university (astrophysics). i work part time as a waitress at a local coffee shop, all while still managing to stay at the top of my classes and practicing with the band. last week at a family reunion my dad mentioned that him and my mom are buying me a new $5000 drum set, since the band has been getting a lot of attention in the recent months. everyone in the family was very happy for me, except amy. the reunion was coming to an end when amy said she wanted to talk to me in private. i went to another room with her, where she went off on me calling me a gold digger, an attention seeking bitch and a talentless whore. i told her it's not my fault she dropped out and to mind her own business. i left soon after, and when i got to my apartment i immediately called my parents and some friends and told them what happened. they say i was right to shut her up and put her in her place. the next day i started getting a lot of angry texts and calls from the rest of my family, telling me what an awful person i am for making amy upset. a few of my aunts have been calling me an asshole for speaking to my cousin like that, although i really don't think i was in the wrong there. i don't feel like the ah, but i'd like some anonymous opinions on the situation. so aita for telling my cousin to mind her own business?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (19f) am a professional drummer. i have been playing the drums for about 10 years and i've been playing in y band for roughly 3 years now. recently our band has been starting to grow in popularity, which is why my parents bought me new, professional drums. with professional i mean over $5000. they have always been very supportive of me and my career. while i do attend university, my band is still my biggest priority. my cousin (27f) who i'll call amy has always been a bit jealous of me and my success. for context amy never graduated high school and she dropped out when she was 16 to live with her, at the time, boyfriend across the country. we live in a fairly small country so she was still only 2 hours away from us. because of that she was never able to get a proper job and currently works as a room cleaner on a minimum wage. i always put a lot of effort into my education and graduated at the top of my class and got into my dream university with a fully covered tuition. i'm currently in my 2nd year of university (astrophysics). i work part time as a waitress at a local coffee shop, all while still managing to stay at the top of my classes and practicing with the band. last week at a family reunion my dad mentioned that him and my mom are buying me a new $5000 drum set, since the band has been getting a lot of attention in the recent months. everyone in the family was very happy for me, except amy. the reunion was coming to an end when amy said she wanted to talk to me in private. i went to another room with her, where she went off on me calling me a gold digger, an attention seeking bitch and a talentless whore. i told her it's not my fault she dropped out and to mind her own business. i left soon after, and when i got to my apartment i immediately called my parents and some friends and told them what happened. they say i was right to shut her up and put her in her place. the next day i started getting a lot of angry texts and calls from the rest of my family, telling me what an awful person i am for making amy upset. a few of my aunts have been calling me an asshole for speaking to my cousin like that, although i really don't think i was in the wrong there. i don't feel like the ah, but i'd like some anonymous opinions on the situation. so aita for telling my cousin to mind her own business? [/INST] nta. congrats on the success of your band! amy made her bed and now she's upset she has to lay in it. if she wants to improve her life, there are tools available to do so. right now, she's on a path of trying to bring others down to feel as bad as she does. just keep doing what you're doing and enjoy your life. </s>
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AITA for not allowing my sister-in-law stay in my empty and furnished condo while she’s in town?
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when i (36f) and my husband (37m) got married a 3 years ago, we decided i would move into his house and keep my condo. while we were dating, we spent time equally between both places. my unit was closer to downtown and attractions in our city and his house was farther away from everything but much larger and in a quiet neighborhood. since my place was nearly paid off and the mortgage is very inexpensive (i bought right out of college before the area was as nice as it is now), we decided it would make sense to use it for out of town guests, parties or when we were too tired to drive home after a night out.
last month, his sister (28) asked if she and her girlfriend could come for 4th of july weekend and stay at the condo. we agreed. she would drive in from their hometown that thursday and stay until monday. last week, she slipped up and mentioned that she would be having a pride event at my place. at first she tried to backtrack and say she would be attending one then admitted that she was planning on using my place to throw the party for about 20 people from a facebook group. i told her absolutely not and that she and her girlfriend could stay but no party. we’re still in a pandemic and i don’t care if things are opening. my home is not. she called me a hypocrite since my husband and i use it for parties. he and i still refused so she threw a tantrum and called us homophobes, cancelled the event, and made a post on fb about us insinuating (but not staring directly) that we reneged because it was a pride event which isn’t remotely true. my mil called to find out what was happening and apparently, my sil is keeping up the story that we were being homophobic. i called her and told her to find somewhere else to stay so of course she got even more irate and made more insulting posts on fb about us saying that she’s “basically homeless” for the weekend and that it’s not safe for them to stay at a hotel. i’m not budging but my husband is trying to keep the peace and saying we should still let her stay.
sil and i usually have a very great relationship so i’m not sure why she’s acting so ugly about it. aita for reneging on allowing her to stay in my empty condo?
| 2,738 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hgzmzp/aita_for_not_allowing_my_sisterinlaw_stay_in_my/
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2020-06-27 19:20:22
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nta,
the audacity of using someone else's house for a party, get mad, compare it to you hosting there in your own house, and then saying you're homophobic.
she probably wanted to flex with your condo and you put a wedge in it. if she truly thought she did nothing wrong, she would've run it by you.
disgraceful.
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nta. no matter what there’s a risk she’s going to have a large group of guests in your condo if you allow her to use it.
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nta- she literally admitted it’s unsafe to be at a hotel rn due to the pandemic but she’s willing to sacrifice the safety of 20 people (and you as the owner of the place) so she can throw a party?? make it make sense
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nta.
is she 14 in a crappy teen comedy? what happens if the party gets rowdy? they're guests in your home. if they sue because of an injury it'll be the property owner who gets sued, not your sil.
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nta but i am pretty sure she’s so upset because she had to cancel and be embarrassed in front of all her friends, whereas before she was gunning to be the cool chick with the city apartment party
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nta - someone else throwing a party at your house, whether or not it is in the middle of a pandemic, is not remotely the same as you throwing your own party. i’d absolutely deny use of it. why the hell would you lend out your second home to someone who is publicly bashing you for not letting them use your home as a party pad? if you let her stay, there’s a good chance she’ll still host the event. and if she’s as much of a petty asshole as she sounds, she could leave the place trashed.
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**nta**. don't let her stay in the condo **ever.** accusing you of being homophobic because you are not allowing her to have a party during a pandemic is disgusting. this kind of accusation can have big repercussions and she is being absolutely selfish in doing so.
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nta. and frankly sil is. there is no way "me and my girlfriend" can automatically extend to having a party - any party - in your condo. and she only has to be "homeless on 4th of july weekend" because she falsely called you homophobic.
i see how your husband may feel trapped in the middle, so just make this a "you" thing and not an "us" thing. dig in your heels. eventually sil may learn you're a reasonable person or maybe sil is going to turn out to be someone who uses people a lot.
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nta. she didn’t mean to tell you because she knew you would say no as is your right, and now she’s upset because she got caught in a lie. i wouldn’t trust her in the condo after this so you’re right to stick to your guns.
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nta and how is it hypocritical of you and your husband to hold parties in your own house? tell her to kick rocks.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: when i (36f) and my husband (37m) got married a 3 years ago, we decided i would move into his house and keep my condo. while we were dating, we spent time equally between both places. my unit was closer to downtown and attractions in our city and his house was farther away from everything but much larger and in a quiet neighborhood. since my place was nearly paid off and the mortgage is very inexpensive (i bought right out of college before the area was as nice as it is now), we decided it would make sense to use it for out of town guests, parties or when we were too tired to drive home after a night out. last month, his sister (28) asked if she and her girlfriend could come for 4th of july weekend and stay at the condo. we agreed. she would drive in from their hometown that thursday and stay until monday. last week, she slipped up and mentioned that she would be having a pride event at my place. at first she tried to backtrack and say she would be attending one then admitted that she was planning on using my place to throw the party for about 20 people from a facebook group. i told her absolutely not and that she and her girlfriend could stay but no party. we’re still in a pandemic and i don’t care if things are opening. my home is not. she called me a hypocrite since my husband and i use it for parties. he and i still refused so she threw a tantrum and called us homophobes, cancelled the event, and made a post on fb about us insinuating (but not staring directly) that we reneged because it was a pride event which isn’t remotely true. my mil called to find out what was happening and apparently, my sil is keeping up the story that we were being homophobic. i called her and told her to find somewhere else to stay so of course she got even more irate and made more insulting posts on fb about us saying that she’s “basically homeless” for the weekend and that it’s not safe for them to stay at a hotel. i’m not budging but my husband is trying to keep the peace and saying we should still let her stay. sil and i usually have a very great relationship so i’m not sure why she’s acting so ugly about it. aita for reneging on allowing her to stay in my empty condo?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
when i (36f) and my husband (37m) got married a 3 years ago, we decided i would move into his house and keep my condo. while we were dating, we spent time equally between both places. my unit was closer to downtown and attractions in our city and his house was farther away from everything but much larger and in a quiet neighborhood. since my place was nearly paid off and the mortgage is very inexpensive (i bought right out of college before the area was as nice as it is now), we decided it would make sense to use it for out of town guests, parties or when we were too tired to drive home after a night out. last month, his sister (28) asked if she and her girlfriend could come for 4th of july weekend and stay at the condo. we agreed. she would drive in from their hometown that thursday and stay until monday. last week, she slipped up and mentioned that she would be having a pride event at my place. at first she tried to backtrack and say she would be attending one then admitted that she was planning on using my place to throw the party for about 20 people from a facebook group. i told her absolutely not and that she and her girlfriend could stay but no party. we’re still in a pandemic and i don’t care if things are opening. my home is not. she called me a hypocrite since my husband and i use it for parties. he and i still refused so she threw a tantrum and called us homophobes, cancelled the event, and made a post on fb about us insinuating (but not staring directly) that we reneged because it was a pride event which isn’t remotely true. my mil called to find out what was happening and apparently, my sil is keeping up the story that we were being homophobic. i called her and told her to find somewhere else to stay so of course she got even more irate and made more insulting posts on fb about us saying that she’s “basically homeless” for the weekend and that it’s not safe for them to stay at a hotel. i’m not budging but my husband is trying to keep the peace and saying we should still let her stay. sil and i usually have a very great relationship so i’m not sure why she’s acting so ugly about it. aita for reneging on allowing her to stay in my empty condo? [/INST] nta, the audacity of using someone else's house for a party, get mad, compare it to you hosting there in your own house, and then saying you're homophobic. she probably wanted to flex with your condo and you put a wedge in it. if she truly thought she did nothing wrong, she would've run it by you. disgraceful. </s>
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WIBTA if I asked to live with my dad and step-mom rather than my mom and step-dad?
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i (15f) love both of my parents (45) a lot. they divorced when i was maybe 7 or 8 years old when my dad found out my mom was cheating. looking back, even though i was a kid, i saw a lot of flaws in their relationship. some of the things i recall her saying bordered on manipulative and just an overall toxic relationship. my dad basically gave my mom everything she wanted in the divorce because mainly he just wanted away from her.
my mom got married a year after the divorce to brad (48m). they later had my step brothers who i love a lot, but i’m not a huge fan of brad because he doesn’t really seem interested in me. mom and brad aren’t really all that happy together either. they sleep in the same bed, but they don’t seem very happy about it.
dad dated a few women here and there, but nothing stuck and i never liked them much. there was a woman like 13 years older than him he dated that i kind of liked because she crocheted these amazing blankets, but she had to move away for work.
my dad has been seeing betsy (25f) for about 5 years now. betsy was in college in another state towards the beginning of their relationship so i only really saw her in the summers, but she is such a fun person. she recently graduated her grad program and is now a pharmacist at cvs so she’s living with my dad full time. my mom calls her a gold digger and a bitch and a whole list of other names.
the energy around dad and betsy is so much more positive. she seems interested in my life and encouraging in my career goals. my mom is as well, but she thinks that my dreams of being an author are stupid and i always feel like i take a back seat to my step brothers. it sounds weird, but i can feel and see how much love my dad has for betsy in the little things like how she loves these cute and silly socks. so whenever he sees socks she might like, he buys them for her. overall, they’re just happier, more positive, nicer people. they are nicer to me and are able to give me more attention. when i had my appendix taken out, betsy and my dad were there for me and my mom never even visited me. betsy has been the person i go to for all my lady’s problems and help with school. never my mom.
i want to live with betsy and my dad primarily and then just visit my mom and step dad on the weekends and such. i just feel that i would be happier there, but i know that would upset my mom especially since she gets upset that i still even go over to my dad's in the first place.
wibta if i asked to live with my dad and step-mom rather than my mom and step-dad?
| 1,415 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l5o96y/wibta_if_i_asked_to_live_with_my_dad_and_stepmom/
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2021-01-26 21:32:30
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nta ask your dad about it and at your age you may get a say in the custody arrangements.
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you are nta, but i am stuck on the fact that your dad started dating a 20 year old when he was 40. i'm glad they're happy. but... ick.
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nta: one of the worst things a parent can do (and has done to me in the past) is use their child as a pawn when in a dispute with the other parent. sometimes, parents can be blinded by anger because they are human like the rest of us, but don't realize the collateral damage they are doing and can go through periods where they become more self-centered. it sounds like that's what's going on with your mother right now. she may have some jealousy issues that has to deal with her, but that's not your problem, it's hers. your health needs to come first for you, and mental health is part of that. if you feel like the home environment with your dad is healthier, then you should live with him.
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nta
do whatever is best for __you__
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nah, dip out if the custody arrangement allows for it
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nta. it’s your choice and it sounds like your mental health and over all environment would be better. do what makes you happy.
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nta, make yourself happy first. talk to you dad first about it though, as to open the door to it before approaching your mother with it if you think she’d be upset about it. just a general precaution.
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“some of the things i recalled her saying bordered on manipulative and just an overall toxic relationship”
this is the way that your mum behaves when she finds herself in an unhappy situation. you saw it happen with your dad, whom she then cheated on. she’s not necessarily cheating on brad too, but you can bet she’s exhibiting the same behaviour to him. and now she’s doing it to you by trying to manipulate you into staying by making you feel bad for preferring being around your dad and step mum, and by verbally trashing your step mum at every turn.
this is a repetitive behaviour and it will not stop, no matter how disruptive it becomes. go live with your dad and step mum, surround yourself with love, and hope that you can have some sort of a relationship with your mum which doesn’t have the same intensity as when you’re living with her.
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nta.
you are old enough to make this decision. good luck.
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**nta** tell your dad what you would like then let him handle it. don't talk to your mom about it until your dad has a plan.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (15f) love both of my parents (45) a lot. they divorced when i was maybe 7 or 8 years old when my dad found out my mom was cheating. looking back, even though i was a kid, i saw a lot of flaws in their relationship. some of the things i recall her saying bordered on manipulative and just an overall toxic relationship. my dad basically gave my mom everything she wanted in the divorce because mainly he just wanted away from her. my mom got married a year after the divorce to brad (48m). they later had my step brothers who i love a lot, but i’m not a huge fan of brad because he doesn’t really seem interested in me. mom and brad aren’t really all that happy together either. they sleep in the same bed, but they don’t seem very happy about it. dad dated a few women here and there, but nothing stuck and i never liked them much. there was a woman like 13 years older than him he dated that i kind of liked because she crocheted these amazing blankets, but she had to move away for work. my dad has been seeing betsy (25f) for about 5 years now. betsy was in college in another state towards the beginning of their relationship so i only really saw her in the summers, but she is such a fun person. she recently graduated her grad program and is now a pharmacist at cvs so she’s living with my dad full time. my mom calls her a gold digger and a bitch and a whole list of other names. the energy around dad and betsy is so much more positive. she seems interested in my life and encouraging in my career goals. my mom is as well, but she thinks that my dreams of being an author are stupid and i always feel like i take a back seat to my step brothers. it sounds weird, but i can feel and see how much love my dad has for betsy in the little things like how she loves these cute and silly socks. so whenever he sees socks she might like, he buys them for her. overall, they’re just happier, more positive, nicer people. they are nicer to me and are able to give me more attention. when i had my appendix taken out, betsy and my dad were there for me and my mom never even visited me. betsy has been the person i go to for all my lady’s problems and help with school. never my mom. i want to live with betsy and my dad primarily and then just visit my mom and step dad on the weekends and such. i just feel that i would be happier there, but i know that would upset my mom especially since she gets upset that i still even go over to my dad's in the first place. wibta if i asked to live with my dad and step-mom rather than my mom and step-dad?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (15f) love both of my parents (45) a lot. they divorced when i was maybe 7 or 8 years old when my dad found out my mom was cheating. looking back, even though i was a kid, i saw a lot of flaws in their relationship. some of the things i recall her saying bordered on manipulative and just an overall toxic relationship. my dad basically gave my mom everything she wanted in the divorce because mainly he just wanted away from her. my mom got married a year after the divorce to brad (48m). they later had my step brothers who i love a lot, but i’m not a huge fan of brad because he doesn’t really seem interested in me. mom and brad aren’t really all that happy together either. they sleep in the same bed, but they don’t seem very happy about it. dad dated a few women here and there, but nothing stuck and i never liked them much. there was a woman like 13 years older than him he dated that i kind of liked because she crocheted these amazing blankets, but she had to move away for work. my dad has been seeing betsy (25f) for about 5 years now. betsy was in college in another state towards the beginning of their relationship so i only really saw her in the summers, but she is such a fun person. she recently graduated her grad program and is now a pharmacist at cvs so she’s living with my dad full time. my mom calls her a gold digger and a bitch and a whole list of other names. the energy around dad and betsy is so much more positive. she seems interested in my life and encouraging in my career goals. my mom is as well, but she thinks that my dreams of being an author are stupid and i always feel like i take a back seat to my step brothers. it sounds weird, but i can feel and see how much love my dad has for betsy in the little things like how she loves these cute and silly socks. so whenever he sees socks she might like, he buys them for her. overall, they’re just happier, more positive, nicer people. they are nicer to me and are able to give me more attention. when i had my appendix taken out, betsy and my dad were there for me and my mom never even visited me. betsy has been the person i go to for all my lady’s problems and help with school. never my mom. i want to live with betsy and my dad primarily and then just visit my mom and step dad on the weekends and such. i just feel that i would be happier there, but i know that would upset my mom especially since she gets upset that i still even go over to my dad's in the first place. wibta if i asked to live with my dad and step-mom rather than my mom and step-dad? [/INST] nta ask your dad about it and at your age you may get a say in the custody arrangements. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom she can't come to my wedding?
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hello, reddit.
for a bit of background: i (24) am non-binary, and i use they/them pronouns. i've also changed my name. my fiance is also non-binary, and all of our friends are lgbt+ in some way.
this has been a point of contention between my mother and i. when i told her about my name change, she refused to use my name, saying that "she named me and she would always call me \[deadname\]." and when i told her about my pronouns, she refused to use them, saying i'm "her little girl and always will be." you get the jist. she's the only one in our immediate family who hasn't made the swap; my stepdad had some reservations, but he's even using the correct name and pronouns now. my grandparents have been on board since the very beginning.
when my fiance and i got engaged, we both had some reservations about inviting my mother. she has a history of misgendering my fiance and other friends, and she thought it was strange that my fiance wanted to wear a dress.
now, my fiance and i have been engaged for about two months, and we've been using quarantine to plan our wedding. my mother called the other night and was talking about how excited she is to be there, how it would be such a nice gift for "getting through this." we start talking about who's going to be there, and i mention that a lot of my friend group uses they/them pronouns or pronouns that won't necessarily align with how they appear. she said she'll just use their names, and she used my dead name in the same sentence. with the combination of that, dealing with her for the past two months, and the stress from quarantine, i got upset. i told her that if she couldn't use the correct name and pronouns for not only me, but my fiance and the rest of my friends, then i didn't want her there.
she got extremely upset, started crying, and ended the call. i haven't gotten anything from the rest of my family because they all hate confrontation, but my little sister said she's still very upset. my fiance said i'm being perfectly reasonable, because it's going to be our day and we don't want someone there who's going to be constantly misgendering and deadnaming us.
aita?
| 151 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/idj6y2/aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_cant_come_to_my/
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2020-08-20 21:21:26
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nta. it’s time she adapts to the times.
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nta.
she doesn't even think she's going to your wedding. to her, its the wedding of whoever she thinks you are. unless she sees you as a complete and independent person, she shouldn't be there anyway.
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nta, if she wants to be invited and involved in planning she need to call you by your name and use the right pronouns for you, your fiancé and friends. if not she can kick rocks.
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nta
your wedding, your rules. you decide who gets to be there to celebrate you on your big day after all, and i don't think anyone would question your decision when they know she won't call you by your actual name.
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nta. your mother should respect and love you enough to use your name and pronouns as well as those of your fiance and friends.
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nta - not inviting her to your wedding might be the push she needs to understand that you’re serious and she needs to respect that.
congratulations to you and your fiancé.
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nta
story time: my mother is an alcoholic, has been my whole life. to add insult to all of the injury from that over the years, i found out that i had been outed as bisexual (cis male here) to my parents by way of my mother drunkenly shouting "you fuck men?!" in the driveway of the home i grew up in. a huge fight ensued that day (extra knife twist was that the following day was the day i was going to pick up my engagement ring for my now-wife) and that was years ago...my sexuality has never once again been acknowledged by her and i have received no apology. in retrospect, i should've made her apologize and rectify the situation about my sexuality before having her at my wedding; but i was so focused on her just not ruining the day and depriving me of my mother/son dance at the wedding by getting drunk and having to throw her out, or not invite her in the first place, that i left that sleeping dog lying.
you have no obligation to have anyone at your wedding you don't want there. you (or someone on your behalf) is paying for dinner and a party for these people, you 100% have the right to choose who is and isn't there, family included. her not supporting you and your fiance is bad enough, intentionally misgendering and deadnaming you is abhorrent. i wouldn't blame you one bit for not inviting her, even if at this point she apologized and promised to never do it again.
i'm so sorry you're going through this. i have no doubt you have plenty of lgbt+ support from your friends, but if you ever want to talk with a fellow queer person whose mom has been abusive and far less than supportive, my dms are open.
congrats to you and your future spouse, i hope your day is everything you hoped for and more. make sure to take a few moments throughout the day with your future spouse to really enjoy the day. it will go by quickly, and a lot of people will pull you in a lot of directions. don't ever forget that the wedding is for you first, not for them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hello, reddit. for a bit of background: i (24) am non-binary, and i use they/them pronouns. i've also changed my name. my fiance is also non-binary, and all of our friends are lgbt+ in some way. this has been a point of contention between my mother and i. when i told her about my name change, she refused to use my name, saying that "she named me and she would always call me \[deadname\]." and when i told her about my pronouns, she refused to use them, saying i'm "her little girl and always will be." you get the jist. she's the only one in our immediate family who hasn't made the swap; my stepdad had some reservations, but he's even using the correct name and pronouns now. my grandparents have been on board since the very beginning. when my fiance and i got engaged, we both had some reservations about inviting my mother. she has a history of misgendering my fiance and other friends, and she thought it was strange that my fiance wanted to wear a dress. now, my fiance and i have been engaged for about two months, and we've been using quarantine to plan our wedding. my mother called the other night and was talking about how excited she is to be there, how it would be such a nice gift for "getting through this." we start talking about who's going to be there, and i mention that a lot of my friend group uses they/them pronouns or pronouns that won't necessarily align with how they appear. she said she'll just use their names, and she used my dead name in the same sentence. with the combination of that, dealing with her for the past two months, and the stress from quarantine, i got upset. i told her that if she couldn't use the correct name and pronouns for not only me, but my fiance and the rest of my friends, then i didn't want her there. she got extremely upset, started crying, and ended the call. i haven't gotten anything from the rest of my family because they all hate confrontation, but my little sister said she's still very upset. my fiance said i'm being perfectly reasonable, because it's going to be our day and we don't want someone there who's going to be constantly misgendering and deadnaming us. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hello, reddit. for a bit of background: i (24) am non-binary, and i use they/them pronouns. i've also changed my name. my fiance is also non-binary, and all of our friends are lgbt+ in some way. this has been a point of contention between my mother and i. when i told her about my name change, she refused to use my name, saying that "she named me and she would always call me \[deadname\]." and when i told her about my pronouns, she refused to use them, saying i'm "her little girl and always will be." you get the jist. she's the only one in our immediate family who hasn't made the swap; my stepdad had some reservations, but he's even using the correct name and pronouns now. my grandparents have been on board since the very beginning. when my fiance and i got engaged, we both had some reservations about inviting my mother. she has a history of misgendering my fiance and other friends, and she thought it was strange that my fiance wanted to wear a dress. now, my fiance and i have been engaged for about two months, and we've been using quarantine to plan our wedding. my mother called the other night and was talking about how excited she is to be there, how it would be such a nice gift for "getting through this." we start talking about who's going to be there, and i mention that a lot of my friend group uses they/them pronouns or pronouns that won't necessarily align with how they appear. she said she'll just use their names, and she used my dead name in the same sentence. with the combination of that, dealing with her for the past two months, and the stress from quarantine, i got upset. i told her that if she couldn't use the correct name and pronouns for not only me, but my fiance and the rest of my friends, then i didn't want her there. she got extremely upset, started crying, and ended the call. i haven't gotten anything from the rest of my family because they all hate confrontation, but my little sister said she's still very upset. my fiance said i'm being perfectly reasonable, because it's going to be our day and we don't want someone there who's going to be constantly misgendering and deadnaming us. aita? [/INST] nta. it’s time she adapts to the times. </s>
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AITA for wanting to announce my pregnancy 1 week before my sister's baby shower?
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2nd
| 830 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tc7to2/aita_for_wanting_to_announce_my_pregnancy_1_week/
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2022-03-12 03:53:55
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yta, it is only a week you would have to wait. if anyone asks you could just say something like "we hope to start a family soon." not a lie, but not an announcement you are pregnant.
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yes yta and i think you already know it because both of your sister's told you. you can wait a week after your sister's baby shower to announce your pregnancy.
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sorry but yta. most women don't even want to announce they're pregnant until the 12th week, for medical reasons. i understand you're excited but don't tell anyone until the baby shower is over.
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yta.
there are a certain few events that you just don't upstage. this is one of them.
a few notes
>my other sister doesn't think we should because then the baby shower won't be about my pregnant sister. my pregnant sister also responded wanting the day to be just about her and doesn't want people asking about my pregnancy.
both your sisters asked you not to. this alone is a good reason not to.
>my husband and i are bad liars and if anyone asks us when we are planning kids etc, my husband doesn't want to lie to our family members.
then say something vague like " soon" or "we're planning it out now". you literally don't have to lie in order to avoid this.
>i honestly don't know if i should post anyway and be excited for ourselfs or not post.. i do feel like part of the excitement has been taken from it at this point...
this is the major tipping point for me. it literally changes nothing to announce your baby a few days to a week later. the only benefit you get from doing it early is getting attention at your sisters baby shower, which is massively uncool of you.
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yta.
just wait one more week.
and get used to life not being about what you want anymore.
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yta. wait a week. you are only 8 weeks along!!! you can definitely wait a week or 2. if your hubby can’t be trusted not to spill the news at the shower then leave him home. this is your sisters day! let her have it.
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yta. i’m sorry but of course people will bring it up.
“oh won’t it be so nice to have cousins close in age!”
“oh sister you should pass that on to op if she also has a boy/girl”.
“how lucky you are going through this together.”
“did you guys plan this?”
“wow your family must just be thrilled.”
all of that will likely get said or a variation. it’s normal and expected. by announcing days before her shower you are actively inviting people to lump you together instead of allowing her an afternoon.
you asked your sisters hoping for validation and weren’t given it. you’ve asked random strangers to override your sisters and most haven’t. i think it’s time to accept that as excited as you are, yes, this is not the right thing to do in your family. i understand others may feel differently but the societal norm is not to “steal her thunder” and your family has verified they don’t feel differently.
you are experiencing an exciting time and your moment and your shower will come. in the meantime, wait 8 days and let your sister have a moment. your pregnancy should be celebrated but so should your sister’s. there’s no need to share right this second.
you don’t have to “lie”. omit. if someone is asking you (which to be honest is rude) you can answer truthfully…..oh we are hoping soon. being here is for sure making me want a baby yesterday! you don’t have to act like you don’t want a baby asap. you can be forthcoming about being excited to be parents in the near future but that you’re excited to be an aunt and uncle first.
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i mean why are you even on here if you already asked your 2 sisters and they said no, right? you got your answer and just maybe trying to get sympathy from the internet.
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yta. i personally don’t see why she would want you to wait, but that doesn’t mean her request shouldn’t be respected. also, your “tee hee, we might not be able to stop ourselves from announcing it at the shower” is a little infantile. i would certainly hope two adults who are about to have a baby would have the self control to keep quiet about their pregnancy at another person’s baby shower.
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yta. y’all are grown ass adults….you can keep a secret. get over yourselves smh. it’s reasonable your sister wants a day for her shower.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 2nd
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
2nd [/INST] yta, it is only a week you would have to wait. if anyone asks you could just say something like "we hope to start a family soon." not a lie, but not an announcement you are pregnant. </s>
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AITA for unpacking food that my cousin took from my pantry?
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my (46) cousin (23) came for an overnight visit over the holiday weekend. my cousin is going to college about 1.5 hours from where i live. they don't drive, so when they want to visit, i drive up to pick them up and then drive back up to drop them off after (approx 6 hours drive time all together).
they asked to have an overnight visit over the holiday to get away from the norm. ok, sure. i was looking forward to a relaxing weekend, but family is family, and my cousin is asking to visit.
we went to the grocery and a few other shops when they were here, and i asked if there was anything they wanted. my cousin grabbed a bag of chips at the grocery, and said that was all they wanted, they had brought their own food. (they took these chips home with them without opening them.)
when i was loading the car to take my cousin home i noticed some food from my pantry in their bag.
when my cousin went upstairs to grab their stuff, i unpacked the things from my pantry and put them back. i didn't say anything to my cousin because i really didn't know how to approach it.
this is my cousin's kid, and i see them a few times a year. i didn't mind hosting an overnight stay, and i didn't mind buying snacks they would want while they visited. what bothered me was the entitlement of taking food from my pantry without asking or being offered. to me that is more of an immediate family thing (parent/sibling/child) not an extended family perk. i am more than happy to share while you are visiting, but taking food to go without being offered first offended me. am i being selfish? my cousin's parents ensure that my cousin has everything they need, so food insecurity is not an issue.
| 845 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z6f03w/aita_for_unpacking_food_that_my_cousin_took_from/
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2022-11-27 22:38:54
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nta
that’s very weird. like, even at my mom and dad’s, where the rule is “anything is fair game so long as it’s not earmarked for a specific meal,” and also “eat! eat! we don’t want you to go hungry!” … i wouldn’t pack food to *take home* with me without being offered. that’s another level than eating something while visiting.
(unless maybe there’s a chance it’s their own food?)
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nta. your cousin literally stole from you. you need to have a word with them. i'd also not advise allowing them into your home again.
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nta. what if they decided to hep themselves to your clothes or jewelry or money laying around. it’s stealing. period.
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nta , that was very thievy of them. i wouldn’t even do that at my moms
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nta but you should have a direct conversation. there may actually be food insecurity going on.
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nta, and should be addressed with the nephew. he should not be stealing from you or your home
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nta. my aunt and uncle in az have an open pantry/drink policy if it’s available and you ask them, they will offer you a grocery bag to take it! she sent me home from thanksgiving with a large $20 container of macadamia nuts and a huge costco bag of beef jerky, a few drinks and said her pantry is always mine. i was literally so grateful i was in tears. as a student i can’t afford my fav snacks. your cousin should’ve asked not stolen
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nta. they should have asked!
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nta. that was super rude to take when it wasn't offered. i wouldn't even do that at my siblings' or parents' houses.
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nta. they haven't been visiting, they've been grocery shopping your pantry on past visits. after you've driven six hours round. they get out of the dorm, get some different food, get driven around. great deal! for them.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (46) cousin (23) came for an overnight visit over the holiday weekend. my cousin is going to college about 1.5 hours from where i live. they don't drive, so when they want to visit, i drive up to pick them up and then drive back up to drop them off after (approx 6 hours drive time all together). they asked to have an overnight visit over the holiday to get away from the norm. ok, sure. i was looking forward to a relaxing weekend, but family is family, and my cousin is asking to visit. we went to the grocery and a few other shops when they were here, and i asked if there was anything they wanted. my cousin grabbed a bag of chips at the grocery, and said that was all they wanted, they had brought their own food. (they took these chips home with them without opening them.) when i was loading the car to take my cousin home i noticed some food from my pantry in their bag. when my cousin went upstairs to grab their stuff, i unpacked the things from my pantry and put them back. i didn't say anything to my cousin because i really didn't know how to approach it. this is my cousin's kid, and i see them a few times a year. i didn't mind hosting an overnight stay, and i didn't mind buying snacks they would want while they visited. what bothered me was the entitlement of taking food from my pantry without asking or being offered. to me that is more of an immediate family thing (parent/sibling/child) not an extended family perk. i am more than happy to share while you are visiting, but taking food to go without being offered first offended me. am i being selfish? my cousin's parents ensure that my cousin has everything they need, so food insecurity is not an issue.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (46) cousin (23) came for an overnight visit over the holiday weekend. my cousin is going to college about 1.5 hours from where i live. they don't drive, so when they want to visit, i drive up to pick them up and then drive back up to drop them off after (approx 6 hours drive time all together). they asked to have an overnight visit over the holiday to get away from the norm. ok, sure. i was looking forward to a relaxing weekend, but family is family, and my cousin is asking to visit. we went to the grocery and a few other shops when they were here, and i asked if there was anything they wanted. my cousin grabbed a bag of chips at the grocery, and said that was all they wanted, they had brought their own food. (they took these chips home with them without opening them.) when i was loading the car to take my cousin home i noticed some food from my pantry in their bag. when my cousin went upstairs to grab their stuff, i unpacked the things from my pantry and put them back. i didn't say anything to my cousin because i really didn't know how to approach it. this is my cousin's kid, and i see them a few times a year. i didn't mind hosting an overnight stay, and i didn't mind buying snacks they would want while they visited. what bothered me was the entitlement of taking food from my pantry without asking or being offered. to me that is more of an immediate family thing (parent/sibling/child) not an extended family perk. i am more than happy to share while you are visiting, but taking food to go without being offered first offended me. am i being selfish? my cousin's parents ensure that my cousin has everything they need, so food insecurity is not an issue. [/INST] nta that’s very weird. like, even at my mom and dad’s, where the rule is “anything is fair game so long as it’s not earmarked for a specific meal,” and also “eat! eat! we don’t want you to go hungry!” … i wouldn’t pack food to *take home* with me without being offered. that’s another level than eating something while visiting. (unless maybe there’s a chance it’s their own food?) </s>
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AITA for counting my wife's acne medication as a non-necessity?
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my wife and i are working on planning out our finances because we've been overspending. we were making a list of all our necessary expenses that we absolutely can't cut, and my wife told me to add her acne medication. i told her that isn't an essential and she can use the money allotted to her for non-essential stuff for that. she pointed out that her birth control is an essential, so her acne medication should be too. i told her birth control is essential so we don't end up with a kid. she told me she will be in pain (??) without her medication and we should both pay, and it's not fair that she has to use her monthly budget to pay for something that is so important for her. aita?
| 1,233 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/apax4l/aita_for_counting_my_wifes_acne_medication_as_a/
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2019-02-11 01:21:52
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yta - some acne can be very very painful and awful. if it’s a medical necessity in her eyes then you should accept that.
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yta. acne can really impact mental health and self-image. it can also be physically painful, especially if it’s the cystic kind.
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yta for sure, oh my god. no one should have to live with such an obnoxious, treatable condition
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yta, just pay for the damn medication. acne can be extremely painful. it’s essential in her eyes, and it’s not like she’s being unreasonable and asking for money for something crazy. you can look at it like this if you still aren’t convinced, is that money worth making her suffer through the pain and blame you for it?
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yta - it's a medical expense. and there are a lot of more effective birth control solutions than there are acne solutions (a 100pack of my favorite condoms is like twelve bucks on amazon if you're looking to cut costs). and of course she'd be in pain. does acne look comfortable? not to mention how it affects people's self-esteem in very real, life-affecting ways. come on dude, be better than this.
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yta- if her acne is bad enough that she needs medication for it, she needs it. acne can be super painful. even if it seems like her acne is under control now, chances are that it will go crazy if she stops the medication. it's not your body, you don't know how she feels. that shouldn't be your decision.
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yta...do you really not trust your wife enough to accept that when she says she needs something, she needs it? do you *really* think she's trying to screw you over financially by asking for acne medication to be included in the joint budget?
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wow so the birth control is necessary because you don't want to be deprived but her medication isn't necessary? yta for even suggesting it and even worse for making her have to defend herself.
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yta. i had friends who used to get awful painful acne and only one particular brand of medication would work. i don't think she's bullshitting you here.
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holy wow. so yta.
shp... nobody could be that low.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i are working on planning out our finances because we've been overspending. we were making a list of all our necessary expenses that we absolutely can't cut, and my wife told me to add her acne medication. i told her that isn't an essential and she can use the money allotted to her for non-essential stuff for that. she pointed out that her birth control is an essential, so her acne medication should be too. i told her birth control is essential so we don't end up with a kid. she told me she will be in pain (??) without her medication and we should both pay, and it's not fair that she has to use her monthly budget to pay for something that is so important for her. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i are working on planning out our finances because we've been overspending. we were making a list of all our necessary expenses that we absolutely can't cut, and my wife told me to add her acne medication. i told her that isn't an essential and she can use the money allotted to her for non-essential stuff for that. she pointed out that her birth control is an essential, so her acne medication should be too. i told her birth control is essential so we don't end up with a kid. she told me she will be in pain (??) without her medication and we should both pay, and it's not fair that she has to use her monthly budget to pay for something that is so important for her. aita? [/INST] yta - some acne can be very very painful and awful. if it’s a medical necessity in her eyes then you should accept that. </s>
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AITA for putting a time limit on my husbands party
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my husband 24m and i 24f had a fight over text. he was gone all month and is on his way home today. he asked me if he could have some friends over tomorrow night to drink and play games. i said sure but only until 10pm. he asked for 1am and i said absolutely not. he then said what if he goes to his friends house and spends the night. i said sure! he said he didn’t really want to do that though since he’s been gone all month and wanted to include me. i told him that 11pm was the limit and if he wanted to hang out with his coworkers i would never stop him, i think it’s good to hang out with friends. he said his friends wouldn’t want to stay only until 11pm and can i “pls pls pls” let them stay until 1am/ spend the night. i already tried to compromise with him and at this point was firm in my 11pm answer. i don’t think it’s appropriate to have people over past midnight. this isn’t a frat house and he has plenty of single friends without wives to throw parties at their house. if they really wanted to spend time with him they would just come over a bit earlier and leave at 11pm. he then said “forget i even asked” and stopped replying.
i am 5mo pregnant, always tired and sleep very early. regardless i’d never have his friends over passed midnight. i have blown up on them before for not being quiet at around 1am on thanksgiving when i was trying to sleep because i had work the next day. i don’t want to invite a repeat of that situation because we all know drunk men can’t be quiet. i’m more frustrated at the fact he can’t seem to accept a compromise and is not respecting my boundary and just keeps insisting 1am. this is a simplified version of our argument. (word limit)
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wbmyl2/aita_for_putting_a_time_limit_on_my_husbands_party/
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2022-07-30 02:53:50
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nta
he's away for a month, you are 5 months pregnant, and he prefers to drink and party with his friends instead of spending time with you? what an immature ah he is. i don't know how you're going to cope with two babies when you'll be the only adult in the house.
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nta. i wasn’t sure until i saw that your 5 months pregnant. time for him to grow up. he’s only 24, but he’s got a wife and a kid on the way. you can’t have party life and be married with a child on the way. you are 100% nta and that’s coming from a 41/m with no kids or wife.
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nta
not only are you having a child but you also have a teenager in your midst.
your husband will need to face the fact that all his partying ways with all-nighters with his friends will be virtually diminished when he has to parent a child. he should be fortunate that you were gracious to even allow a party at your house.
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nta i’m not usually a fan of telling adult partners what they can and can’t do but this is your house too and it makes sense that you should have a say. why is he so adamant about including you? pregnant and sober-you are going to be the odd one out. going to his friends house or calling it a night at 11 pm was a fair compromise and shows your willingness to let him make his own decisions. it probably hurts that he has been gone and doesn’t want to spend quality alone time with you. trying to lump you into his plan so he can cover all of his bases and get everything that he wants is pretty lame. plus, c‘mon. like…if he and friends are drinking and you let them stay until 1 am and then try to make him hold up his end of the deal-i imagine the drunk version of him is going to push pretty hard for a sleepover at that point. he needs to grow up, op.
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nta. he wants to get trashed and have his friends spend the night and you’re not comfortable with that. you gave him reasonable alternatives
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nta. 11 is more than reasonable. he sounds incredibly thoughtless and selfish, he thinks it's ok to reunite with his pregnant wife after a month away only to immediately through a party with his friends that he knows will keep you up all night? yikes. no.
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info
> he’s been gone all month and wanted to include me.
just, like, **not enough to want any alone time?**
> i am 5mo pregnant
therrrrrre it is. has his attitude towards you changed a bit since you became pregnant?
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nta. your husband has a choice of reasonable hours, or using alternative sites for his activity. my roommate games a lot, and we had to have this discussion about how our body rhythms and activities totally differ. i get up at 5 a.m. so there can't be anyone suddenly screeching "kill it! no! the other one! port! port! at midnight. our house gets quiet and the lights go down, and everyone switches to inside voices and headphones, after 9 p.m.
as rowdy and reactive as his groups are, i'm pretty sure they would all take their gamer hats off, bow and quietly say "goodnight, ma'am" to a pregnant woman who needs her rest to stay healthy. there are other places to blast enemy fighters and carry out raids on cave trolls if they want to do a late-night session or even an all-nighter. if none of them can provide a private venue, one of my groups once rented a hotel room (making it clear we needed the party suite designed for odd, loud and enthusiastic commentary at all hours).
your request is reasonable, particularly as you are understanding about his wish to enjoy his hobby.
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nta. you were totally reasonable and he's being petulant and self-centered. but this is a bit odd:
>i don’t think it’s appropriate to have people over past midnight.
like - i'm general? or because of your present circumstances? (this isn't all that relevant to my judgment, just curious.)
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband 24m and i 24f had a fight over text. he was gone all month and is on his way home today. he asked me if he could have some friends over tomorrow night to drink and play games. i said sure but only until 10pm. he asked for 1am and i said absolutely not. he then said what if he goes to his friends house and spends the night. i said sure! he said he didn’t really want to do that though since he’s been gone all month and wanted to include me. i told him that 11pm was the limit and if he wanted to hang out with his coworkers i would never stop him, i think it’s good to hang out with friends. he said his friends wouldn’t want to stay only until 11pm and can i “pls pls pls” let them stay until 1am/ spend the night. i already tried to compromise with him and at this point was firm in my 11pm answer. i don’t think it’s appropriate to have people over past midnight. this isn’t a frat house and he has plenty of single friends without wives to throw parties at their house. if they really wanted to spend time with him they would just come over a bit earlier and leave at 11pm. he then said “forget i even asked” and stopped replying. i am 5mo pregnant, always tired and sleep very early. regardless i’d never have his friends over passed midnight. i have blown up on them before for not being quiet at around 1am on thanksgiving when i was trying to sleep because i had work the next day. i don’t want to invite a repeat of that situation because we all know drunk men can’t be quiet. i’m more frustrated at the fact he can’t seem to accept a compromise and is not respecting my boundary and just keeps insisting 1am. this is a simplified version of our argument. (word limit)
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband 24m and i 24f had a fight over text. he was gone all month and is on his way home today. he asked me if he could have some friends over tomorrow night to drink and play games. i said sure but only until 10pm. he asked for 1am and i said absolutely not. he then said what if he goes to his friends house and spends the night. i said sure! he said he didn’t really want to do that though since he’s been gone all month and wanted to include me. i told him that 11pm was the limit and if he wanted to hang out with his coworkers i would never stop him, i think it’s good to hang out with friends. he said his friends wouldn’t want to stay only until 11pm and can i “pls pls pls” let them stay until 1am/ spend the night. i already tried to compromise with him and at this point was firm in my 11pm answer. i don’t think it’s appropriate to have people over past midnight. this isn’t a frat house and he has plenty of single friends without wives to throw parties at their house. if they really wanted to spend time with him they would just come over a bit earlier and leave at 11pm. he then said “forget i even asked” and stopped replying. i am 5mo pregnant, always tired and sleep very early. regardless i’d never have his friends over passed midnight. i have blown up on them before for not being quiet at around 1am on thanksgiving when i was trying to sleep because i had work the next day. i don’t want to invite a repeat of that situation because we all know drunk men can’t be quiet. i’m more frustrated at the fact he can’t seem to accept a compromise and is not respecting my boundary and just keeps insisting 1am. this is a simplified version of our argument. (word limit) [/INST] nta he's away for a month, you are 5 months pregnant, and he prefers to drink and party with his friends instead of spending time with you? what an immature ah he is. i don't know how you're going to cope with two babies when you'll be the only adult in the house. </s>
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AITA for telling my gf to act more calmly around my cat?
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my (25m) have a gf (25f) and we ended up moving in together about a year ago.
i have an elderly 14 year old cat who has been with me his entire life. my parents encouraged me to take him when i moved out because we have such a close bond and he always looks for me and waits for me. our connection is really special.
well, when my girlfriend moved in, she wanted very much to befriend my cat but i made it clear that it is always going to be *my* cat and she agreed and understood what i meant
she never grew up with pets or animals but likes them. so i try to encourage her to just meet the cat where he is and move slow instead of guessing what he wants and stressing him out
well, first she just started buying cheap toys. i told her clearly my cat does not play and never has, he just sleeps, but she insisted he might still want the option...like, okay, i guess
it's morphed into something weird. now in the night when we come home from work we greet the cat but she has trained my cat to do weird things after he sees her...like, for example, they play a "stalking game" where they hide around corners from each other and sneak up. and sometimes she literally (a grown woman) runs over the apartment and leaps onto the couch and the cat chases. and she scritches him really fast and all over even though he doesn't prefer that (he likes mostly head pats)
i told her to chill, and stop encouraging this. so many reasons clearly explained and she never stops.
1. my cat now tries to stalk/hunt me as well at night and i don't like it
2. my cat now is losing weight and the vet suggested increasing food because he runs too much which means more money from me only, as it is my cat
3. he is old and probably going to get hurt. he is an indoor cat who never moved much and it isn't really right to put that much stress on an old cat at this point, he isn't a kitten and shouldn't be jumping around
4. i can hear her scrambling around from other rooms and honestly it is annoying
so i drew a hard line and basically said she can either learn to be calm and normal around pets or else stay away from the cat entirely. she got really angry in response and now is mostly ignoring me today.
i know she really likes him and that's great but as the cat owner his health is my responsiblity and i don't want to back down on this because its annoying for both cat health and also my own sanity
am i being a dick for trying to keep an old cat in a relaxed home?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iutywe/aita_for_telling_my_gf_to_act_more_calmly_around/
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2020-09-17 22:32:33
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yta. it sounds like these are things *you* don’t like.
cats need stimulation and exercise and it sounds like you never provided that.
i respect how much you love him but it sounds like she’s providing something he likes - activity.
i’ve had my cats my whole life and you can’t make them do something they don’t want to do. if he didn’t want to play, he wouldn’t.
and if he doesn’t like how she pets him, he absolutely would let her know.
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yta. “my girlfriend is excited to have a pet for the first time in her life. her and the cat are having a blast and i’m a buzzkill. aita?”
if the cat doesn’t want to play, he won’t. if he doesn’t like her playing rough with him, he will walk away/go somewhere she can’t bother him. if he decides he hates what she’s doing he will scratch or bite her. cats are pretty good at letting humans know if they like what they are doing or not. you sound boring.
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i opened this expecting things like "she picks him up and takes him from his spot and won't let him go when he desperately tries to get away."
what i read was " my elderly bored cat made a friend and it bugs me because i preferred him low mainanence and i don't like that my cat is bonding more with her than me lately. and when i hear them playing i get jealous"
sorry man yta the cat will let her know when it wants to be left alone.
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yta this is how cats play. and honestly, if your cat is losing weight by only running in the house, then it must be fat as heck. probably needs it.
your girlfriend seems to understand what the cat likes. if the cat doesn’t want to play, then it will obviously not follow her.
you seem to be over protective, and i can understand that. seeing one of your childhood best friends start to care for someone else probably annoys you, and makes you jealous. but, understand that your cat having a good relationship with your gf is a good thing.
also 14 years old is not too old for a cat. 18 maybe, but 14?
so to answer your question, yes. you are being an over protective dick
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yta you’re literally not allowing your cat to get exercise because it’ll cost you a few extra bucks? you’re a shitty cat owner.
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yta
the cat does not give a fuck about you claiming it to be your cat. he seems to have claimed your gf, who's fun, as their human.
and ohhhh so sorry you're jealous, but you should have been giving your cat a bit more attention. you know, the thing that cats usually like.
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[deleted]
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yta. and you sound like a crap cat owner. your cat is lucky she has someone in the house who wants to play with her and give her attention
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within the context you have given, yta
cats with very little stimulation sleep a lot. when introduced to stimulus such as toys or playful behavior their behavior changes to match it. this is very healthy and very necessary. they typically will run away from things they don’t like, and emulate or engage with things they do like. your girlfriend found an activity your cat likes. with more activity comes more calories burned, which means more food, or more protein/calorie-packed food. activity is good for cats, especially in their older age. being “normal” is different for each pet owner. you don’t like the activity. your cat does. you’re not looking out for your cat’s health but your own comfort. your girlfriend sounds like someone who is actually reading what your cat wants and paying attention to the cat’s needs and desires.
i play the stalking game with my cat. it’s like dog “zoomies” and is quite normal for people with animals.
really assess if this behavior bothers you, or your cat. it sounds like it bothers you, and your cat is enjoying the interaction. play with your pet. discover the joy of playful interactions in the end years of your cat’s life. open up to the idea of activity.
if it really is bothering you and not your cat, consider play hours or times, where you set aside a chunk of time to interact or let your girlfriend interact with your cat. set a schedule. play with the cat before feeding time and set the feeding time to be the end of play. this may stop the unexpected pouncing your cat is developing, and give the cat a safe time to enjoy itself.
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yta. it's honestly baffling how upset you are that your girlfriend is getting along with your cat and even getting them to engage in play. also, it's almost humorous how you automatically assume she is petting them the "wrong" way. you sound like a true negative nancy.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (25m) have a gf (25f) and we ended up moving in together about a year ago. i have an elderly 14 year old cat who has been with me his entire life. my parents encouraged me to take him when i moved out because we have such a close bond and he always looks for me and waits for me. our connection is really special. well, when my girlfriend moved in, she wanted very much to befriend my cat but i made it clear that it is always going to be *my* cat and she agreed and understood what i meant she never grew up with pets or animals but likes them. so i try to encourage her to just meet the cat where he is and move slow instead of guessing what he wants and stressing him out well, first she just started buying cheap toys. i told her clearly my cat does not play and never has, he just sleeps, but she insisted he might still want the option...like, okay, i guess it's morphed into something weird. now in the night when we come home from work we greet the cat but she has trained my cat to do weird things after he sees her...like, for example, they play a "stalking game" where they hide around corners from each other and sneak up. and sometimes she literally (a grown woman) runs over the apartment and leaps onto the couch and the cat chases. and she scritches him really fast and all over even though he doesn't prefer that (he likes mostly head pats) i told her to chill, and stop encouraging this. so many reasons clearly explained and she never stops. 1. my cat now tries to stalk/hunt me as well at night and i don't like it 2. my cat now is losing weight and the vet suggested increasing food because he runs too much which means more money from me only, as it is my cat 3. he is old and probably going to get hurt. he is an indoor cat who never moved much and it isn't really right to put that much stress on an old cat at this point, he isn't a kitten and shouldn't be jumping around 4. i can hear her scrambling around from other rooms and honestly it is annoying so i drew a hard line and basically said she can either learn to be calm and normal around pets or else stay away from the cat entirely. she got really angry in response and now is mostly ignoring me today. i know she really likes him and that's great but as the cat owner his health is my responsiblity and i don't want to back down on this because its annoying for both cat health and also my own sanity am i being a dick for trying to keep an old cat in a relaxed home?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (25m) have a gf (25f) and we ended up moving in together about a year ago. i have an elderly 14 year old cat who has been with me his entire life. my parents encouraged me to take him when i moved out because we have such a close bond and he always looks for me and waits for me. our connection is really special. well, when my girlfriend moved in, she wanted very much to befriend my cat but i made it clear that it is always going to be *my* cat and she agreed and understood what i meant she never grew up with pets or animals but likes them. so i try to encourage her to just meet the cat where he is and move slow instead of guessing what he wants and stressing him out well, first she just started buying cheap toys. i told her clearly my cat does not play and never has, he just sleeps, but she insisted he might still want the option...like, okay, i guess it's morphed into something weird. now in the night when we come home from work we greet the cat but she has trained my cat to do weird things after he sees her...like, for example, they play a "stalking game" where they hide around corners from each other and sneak up. and sometimes she literally (a grown woman) runs over the apartment and leaps onto the couch and the cat chases. and she scritches him really fast and all over even though he doesn't prefer that (he likes mostly head pats) i told her to chill, and stop encouraging this. so many reasons clearly explained and she never stops. 1. my cat now tries to stalk/hunt me as well at night and i don't like it 2. my cat now is losing weight and the vet suggested increasing food because he runs too much which means more money from me only, as it is my cat 3. he is old and probably going to get hurt. he is an indoor cat who never moved much and it isn't really right to put that much stress on an old cat at this point, he isn't a kitten and shouldn't be jumping around 4. i can hear her scrambling around from other rooms and honestly it is annoying so i drew a hard line and basically said she can either learn to be calm and normal around pets or else stay away from the cat entirely. she got really angry in response and now is mostly ignoring me today. i know she really likes him and that's great but as the cat owner his health is my responsiblity and i don't want to back down on this because its annoying for both cat health and also my own sanity am i being a dick for trying to keep an old cat in a relaxed home? [/INST] yta. it sounds like these are things *you* don’t like. cats need stimulation and exercise and it sounds like you never provided that. i respect how much you love him but it sounds like she’s providing something he likes - activity. i’ve had my cats my whole life and you can’t make them do something they don’t want to do. if he didn’t want to play, he wouldn’t. and if he doesn’t like how she pets him, he absolutely would let her know. </s>
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AITA for telling my BSF she is sexist
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so basically i am in charge of the children in my church. we do a thing each month where we have a service dedicated to children so they can learn about god and everything, they love it. it's a great experience for them. they also have to practice a song, script, or dance for god. so i was teaching them a dance and everything was going great until they got tired so we took a break and talked. my little sister sat down crisscrossed on a chair and my bsf's little brother says "my sister says girls can't sit like that only guys" so i tell him "you can sit however you want, it really shouldn't matter" then his other sister says "i know right, she always tells me i should act more like a lady!". that's when i tell them "ignore her she is just being weird.". so we continue practicing and we take another break. they start talking about school and the friends they made either way we start talking about feelings and the little boy says "my older sister says i can't cry, because if i do that means i am a girl.". at this point, i had already heard enough. i told it is okay to cry if he cries that mean he has feeling and is a human. so after practice, my bsf comes up and asks why i called her weird, her sibling had told her. i said oh because you told your brother that guys can't cry, i said this and then just laughed it off. she immediately gets defensive and says well that's because he is a crybaby and cries about every single thing. i replay saying well maybe just call him a crybaby instead of saying men can't cry. she says well that's the only he stops and i am like "well you aren't his mom so stop, this can do so much damage to him, not only that but it is sexist, it's the same as saying that woman belong in the kitchen, there shouldn't be a double standard". she was on the verge of crying and i didn't notice so my older brother steps in (they are dating). my brother starts telling me not to go all off on her. i just left because i knew this wasn't going anywhere. but now i feel bad because i didn't notice she was about to cry until my brother pointed it out. i don't if i was a bit harsh on her? so aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n5nip8/aita_for_telling_my_bsf_she_is_sexist/
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2021-05-05 18:54:12
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nta, partly because of standing up against really toxic gender roles and partly because \*conflict is okay\*. it's okay to feel strongly about something and behave accordingly. your bsf (bible study fellow?) needs to be able to handle it when someone disagrees with her on a moral issue. if she's going to believe that boys can't cry and girls need to sit in some weird gendered fashion then she has to be able to defend that belief when people challenge it.
also, for pete's sake, a religious space seems like a \*normal\* place for debating morality.
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info what’s a bsf?
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nta you are standing up against sexism even if it is coming from your bsf. i am a guy and i would have loved to have more female friends like you. crying is only human.
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nta.
you rightfully called her out and she didn’t like it. tough luck for her...
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nta. the tears seem manipulative, honestly. she might have learned by now that tears help her get her way. the only reason she should be crying is if she realizes she’s a terrible person for making a little boy feel bad for having emotions.
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nta, plus, she’s a crybaby.
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nta. you’re standing up for people and fighting harmful stereotypes. she worded that very poorly, and it’s not your fault that she put her foot in her mouth. she needed to be called out. hopefully she realizes her mistake
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info: what is a bsf and how old is she and you?
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nta
she was the one who started it, she was the one who continued to push it, she asked you to go off on her.
don't feel too bad about your brother, if he hadn't had said anything she probably would have been just as mad at him.
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so basically i am in charge of the children in my church. we do a thing each month where we have a service dedicated to children so they can learn about god and everything, they love it. it's a great experience for them. they also have to practice a song, script, or dance for god. so i was teaching them a dance and everything was going great until they got tired so we took a break and talked. my little sister sat down crisscrossed on a chair and my bsf's little brother says "my sister says girls can't sit like that only guys" so i tell him "you can sit however you want, it really shouldn't matter" then his other sister says "i know right, she always tells me i should act more like a lady!". that's when i tell them "ignore her she is just being weird.". so we continue practicing and we take another break. they start talking about school and the friends they made either way we start talking about feelings and the little boy says "my older sister says i can't cry, because if i do that means i am a girl.". at this point, i had already heard enough. i told it is okay to cry if he cries that mean he has feeling and is a human. so after practice, my bsf comes up and asks why i called her weird, her sibling had told her. i said oh because you told your brother that guys can't cry, i said this and then just laughed it off. she immediately gets defensive and says well that's because he is a crybaby and cries about every single thing. i replay saying well maybe just call him a crybaby instead of saying men can't cry. she says well that's the only he stops and i am like "well you aren't his mom so stop, this can do so much damage to him, not only that but it is sexist, it's the same as saying that woman belong in the kitchen, there shouldn't be a double standard". she was on the verge of crying and i didn't notice so my older brother steps in (they are dating). my brother starts telling me not to go all off on her. i just left because i knew this wasn't going anywhere. but now i feel bad because i didn't notice she was about to cry until my brother pointed it out. i don't if i was a bit harsh on her? so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so basically i am in charge of the children in my church. we do a thing each month where we have a service dedicated to children so they can learn about god and everything, they love it. it's a great experience for them. they also have to practice a song, script, or dance for god. so i was teaching them a dance and everything was going great until they got tired so we took a break and talked. my little sister sat down crisscrossed on a chair and my bsf's little brother says "my sister says girls can't sit like that only guys" so i tell him "you can sit however you want, it really shouldn't matter" then his other sister says "i know right, she always tells me i should act more like a lady!". that's when i tell them "ignore her she is just being weird.". so we continue practicing and we take another break. they start talking about school and the friends they made either way we start talking about feelings and the little boy says "my older sister says i can't cry, because if i do that means i am a girl.". at this point, i had already heard enough. i told it is okay to cry if he cries that mean he has feeling and is a human. so after practice, my bsf comes up and asks why i called her weird, her sibling had told her. i said oh because you told your brother that guys can't cry, i said this and then just laughed it off. she immediately gets defensive and says well that's because he is a crybaby and cries about every single thing. i replay saying well maybe just call him a crybaby instead of saying men can't cry. she says well that's the only he stops and i am like "well you aren't his mom so stop, this can do so much damage to him, not only that but it is sexist, it's the same as saying that woman belong in the kitchen, there shouldn't be a double standard". she was on the verge of crying and i didn't notice so my older brother steps in (they are dating). my brother starts telling me not to go all off on her. i just left because i knew this wasn't going anywhere. but now i feel bad because i didn't notice she was about to cry until my brother pointed it out. i don't if i was a bit harsh on her? so aita? [/INST] nta, partly because of standing up against really toxic gender roles and partly because \*conflict is okay\*. it's okay to feel strongly about something and behave accordingly. your bsf (bible study fellow?) needs to be able to handle it when someone disagrees with her on a moral issue. if she's going to believe that boys can't cry and girls need to sit in some weird gendered fashion then she has to be able to defend that belief when people challenge it. also, for pete's sake, a religious space seems like a \*normal\* place for debating morality. </s>
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AITA for suggesting my step-daughter is overreacting over her milk?
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my wife and i (both 40) have a kid each from previous relationships, mine is connor (18m) and hers is sasha (16f), my son has a girlfriend, hannah(17f) and both her and sasha are lactose intolerant. sasha spends half the month with us, so we always have normal and lactose-free milk, i'll admit, sasha's milk is quite expensive because she only likes certain kind that she can also drinks alone and not with just coffees or smoothies.
now the issue is, hannah spends almost 3 to 4 days here and my wife and i don't mind at all, but sasha has complaint several times that hannah drinks her milk as fuel during those days and barely leaves anything for her (we go to the supermarket every 2 weeks, sasha can go to any nearby store and get more, tho, not the one she likes) and has asked us to either buy gallon for her only and one for hannah or tell her to go buy her own milk. my wife decided to just buy sasha a small fridge to keep in her room so she can store her milk and other things there which i find very disrespectful, i mean it's just milk, we can always buy more.
this has caused hannah to ask if she can borrow a bit of milk every time she wants to drink a coffee with us, and sasha says yes, most times, but when she decides hannah has had ''enough'' milk, she says she's almost running out (which is a lie). a few days ago, before sasha was about to come back from her father, my wife and i bought the groceries and i put the milk on the fridge, then sasha came and attempted to take it to her room and i said that she wasn't allowed to do it because it was for the whole house, so she had to leave it there. she didn't say anything and just went to her room, and about 5 to 6 hours after that, sasha's dad pulled over and bought her a gallon and told us that we didn't had to buy any more lactose-free milk for sasha since he'll be taking care of it from now on, but that my son's girlfriends wasn't allowed to have any, so we had to provide for her if we wanted to.
my wife is mad. she said we should've let sasha have her own milk and bought another for when hannah is here, even if it's not as expensive, but i think sasha is being a brat. aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xjopa7/aita_for_suggesting_my_stepdaughter_is/
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2022-09-20 23:52:54
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yta.
hannah is inconsiderate regarding sasha’s milk. she’s drinking too much too often. you need to put your foot down. hannah can bring her own milk if she wants it, or drink something else.
guests lose their special privileges when they’re there 3-4 days per week and inconveniencing the people who actually live there to this degree.
you could also stay on top of the milk situation better and solve the problem yourself by buying an appropriate amount for both girls!
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yta. sasha has a health condition that requires a certain type of milk and you keep letting your son's gf steal it when it's entirely unnecessary. it seems like you and your son's gf have decided to systematically bully your wife's daughter. none of your behavior is acceptable and it boggles the mind that you guys can't just buy double the amount of lactose free milk if hannah is so obsessed with drinking it.
>i mean it's just milk, we can always buy more.
except you don't. you let your kid steal the other kid's milk and then call her a brat instead.
yta.
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yta
> i mean it's just milk, we can always buy more.
the problem is that *you weren't* buying more. sasha and her mom were proactively trying to solve the issue by suggesting getting more, or protecting her special supply. but you can't let her have her one special thing.
you're the one who cultivated the scarcity mentality in her. she wouldn't care if she had to share if it didn't mean she sometimes had to go without.
why not get a gallon? why not get two gallons?
>sasha's milk is quite expensive
so why let hannah drink it all?
>hannah spends almost 3 to 4 days here and my wife and i don't mind at all, but sasha has complaint several times that hannah drinks her milk
so you mind getting expensive milk for sasha but not for hannah? throughout this post you're communicating that hannah, who isn't part of the family, is more important to you than sasha is. regardless of whether you mean this, that's the message you are sending.
final point:
>sasha can go to any nearby store and get more, tho, not the one she likes
there's a lot of gross lactose free milks. acting as if it's an equivalence is like serving beef hotdogs for dinner and calling it steak because they're both made of cow.
is giving away your step daughters stuff to your son's girlfriend really the hill you're going to die on?
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yta. sasha lives at your house, even if it is part-time. hannah doesn’t. either buy hannah her own milk, or stop trying to police how sasha protects her supply.
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yta.
why haven't you asked hannah to buy some milk? why have you only told sasha to buy her own? hannah is basically a roommate who contributes nothing at this point while this is actually sasha's home.
your wife made a decision for her child and you undermined her and created an issue between her and her ex.
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yta. congratulations, you created drama and resentment in the household for no reason.
sasha is your stepdaughter. it's not her fault her parents made a mess of their marriage and now she is forced to move houses every two weeks. her mother and her father are happy for her to have the milk she can drink and that she likes. you are the only person who has a problem with it., and your son is letting his girlfriend take what doesn't belong to her.
sasha is 16. she shouldn't have to go to the store and buy supplies for being at your house. it's bad enough she even has to move there. you should have what she needs. why is no one telling your son's girlfriend to stop drinking all the milk? or buying more?
her mother proposed a solution--keeping a fridge in her room. you're right that that's disrespectful. but it's disrespectful to sasha. she shouldn't need a fridge of her own to ensure people don't take her food and drink in her own home. yet you are being difficult about the fridge.
what you want here is for your stepdaughter to feel uncomfortable and not have what she wants. for some reason, your wife won't stand up to you. sasha is clearly a smart girl, because she is refusing to participate in your nasty power games and has simply asked her own father to bring what she needs.
you should feel embarrassed. you're creating problems between your wife and her daughter. i wouldn't be surprised if sasha went to live with her father full-time. you may think you've won but you're only going to hurt your marriage.
yes, it's obvious you think sasha is a brat. you don't like her. you're deliberately trying to deprive her of something as basic as milk. that poor kid should not have to live with you at all.
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so your son's moochy gf is more important than the stepdaughter who lives there? you see how you are being biased?
you deserve all the shame. let her have her fridge so your son's moochy gf can stop drinking all of her milk. thank goodness she has a great dad. her stepfather clearly hates her.
yta
her mother, your wife, should also consider a marriage to you, because you don't care about her kid, and that's not a good environment to raise her kid in.
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yta. it’s not just milk it’s lactose free milk big difference. have you tried any? i have 2 kids that are lactose intolerant and i tried their milk to figure out what the differences are and there’s a wide range. some are way to sweet, some taste chalky, and some tastes great and work well when cooking with them if a recipe requires it. they like a certain kind, so i buy that kind. why make them suffer?
you complain that it’s expensive, then you say oh it’s just milk, then you say she can buy her own, then mom buys her a mini fridge, but then you guys insist she shares with girlfriend. so problem didn’t get solved there. so she went to her dad for a solution and said you don’t have to worry about buying her milk anymore because her dad will take care of it and now you think she’s a brat. poor girl can’t win with you.
are you like this with everyone who has a food allergy or just her?
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yta. how were you able to spell out all those words but couldn’t figure out how to just type “aita for liking my son’s girlfriend more than my stepdaughter?”
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yta.
and you know what, good for her dad.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i (both 40) have a kid each from previous relationships, mine is connor (18m) and hers is sasha (16f), my son has a girlfriend, hannah(17f) and both her and sasha are lactose intolerant. sasha spends half the month with us, so we always have normal and lactose-free milk, i'll admit, sasha's milk is quite expensive because she only likes certain kind that she can also drinks alone and not with just coffees or smoothies. now the issue is, hannah spends almost 3 to 4 days here and my wife and i don't mind at all, but sasha has complaint several times that hannah drinks her milk as fuel during those days and barely leaves anything for her (we go to the supermarket every 2 weeks, sasha can go to any nearby store and get more, tho, not the one she likes) and has asked us to either buy gallon for her only and one for hannah or tell her to go buy her own milk. my wife decided to just buy sasha a small fridge to keep in her room so she can store her milk and other things there which i find very disrespectful, i mean it's just milk, we can always buy more. this has caused hannah to ask if she can borrow a bit of milk every time she wants to drink a coffee with us, and sasha says yes, most times, but when she decides hannah has had ''enough'' milk, she says she's almost running out (which is a lie). a few days ago, before sasha was about to come back from her father, my wife and i bought the groceries and i put the milk on the fridge, then sasha came and attempted to take it to her room and i said that she wasn't allowed to do it because it was for the whole house, so she had to leave it there. she didn't say anything and just went to her room, and about 5 to 6 hours after that, sasha's dad pulled over and bought her a gallon and told us that we didn't had to buy any more lactose-free milk for sasha since he'll be taking care of it from now on, but that my son's girlfriends wasn't allowed to have any, so we had to provide for her if we wanted to. my wife is mad. she said we should've let sasha have her own milk and bought another for when hannah is here, even if it's not as expensive, but i think sasha is being a brat. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i (both 40) have a kid each from previous relationships, mine is connor (18m) and hers is sasha (16f), my son has a girlfriend, hannah(17f) and both her and sasha are lactose intolerant. sasha spends half the month with us, so we always have normal and lactose-free milk, i'll admit, sasha's milk is quite expensive because she only likes certain kind that she can also drinks alone and not with just coffees or smoothies. now the issue is, hannah spends almost 3 to 4 days here and my wife and i don't mind at all, but sasha has complaint several times that hannah drinks her milk as fuel during those days and barely leaves anything for her (we go to the supermarket every 2 weeks, sasha can go to any nearby store and get more, tho, not the one she likes) and has asked us to either buy gallon for her only and one for hannah or tell her to go buy her own milk. my wife decided to just buy sasha a small fridge to keep in her room so she can store her milk and other things there which i find very disrespectful, i mean it's just milk, we can always buy more. this has caused hannah to ask if she can borrow a bit of milk every time she wants to drink a coffee with us, and sasha says yes, most times, but when she decides hannah has had ''enough'' milk, she says she's almost running out (which is a lie). a few days ago, before sasha was about to come back from her father, my wife and i bought the groceries and i put the milk on the fridge, then sasha came and attempted to take it to her room and i said that she wasn't allowed to do it because it was for the whole house, so she had to leave it there. she didn't say anything and just went to her room, and about 5 to 6 hours after that, sasha's dad pulled over and bought her a gallon and told us that we didn't had to buy any more lactose-free milk for sasha since he'll be taking care of it from now on, but that my son's girlfriends wasn't allowed to have any, so we had to provide for her if we wanted to. my wife is mad. she said we should've let sasha have her own milk and bought another for when hannah is here, even if it's not as expensive, but i think sasha is being a brat. aita? [/INST] yta. hannah is inconsiderate regarding sasha’s milk. she’s drinking too much too often. you need to put your foot down. hannah can bring her own milk if she wants it, or drink something else. guests lose their special privileges when they’re there 3-4 days per week and inconveniencing the people who actually live there to this degree. you could also stay on top of the milk situation better and solve the problem yourself by buying an appropriate amount for both girls! </s>
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WIBTA for for bringing up the fact that my Dads partner never uses the word "please" with me?
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i (31m) work in travel, and spend 95% of my time outside the uk. i recently got told i needed minor surgery, it was recommended that i fly home to get it done. as i mostly live out of airbnbs, i didn't have a place to stay in the uk. i asked my dad if i could stay with him for 2 weeks while i recover from the surgery.
&#x200b;
he lives with his partner of 10 years, they have lived together around 5 years. i have always maintained a very good relationship with my dad, and a fairly good relationship with his partner (jane). jane and i had one big argument 2 years ago. we made up and have gotten on well since.
&#x200b;
it's been 4 days, and i have noticed jane has asked me to do a number of small tasks, and not once has she used the word please. eg. we walked past a pot plant in the garden that had been knocked over... "pick up that pot plant", or
"loosen the top of this jar", "put this on there."
(i actually noticed this years ago, but have never before been in a position to experience it every day)
&#x200b;
i find the way she asks me to do these things to be extremely rude. i've been very close to saying something about it, the only thing stopping me is that i know my dad hates conflict. i appreciate everything he has done for me by letting me stay here, and i know how awkward he would feel if things escalated into a full on argument.
&#x200b;
today he could tell something was wrong, i told him what was bothering me, and told him i was planning on saying something to jane next time it happened. he pleaded for me not to.
&#x200b;
so, am i overreacting here? wibta to say something to her next time it happens, knowing there's a good chance it's going to escalate and make my dad very uncomfortable?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xrf317/wibta_for_for_bringing_up_the_fact_that_my_dads/
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2022-09-29 18:22:11
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nta however you're only going to be there for two weeks, your dad did you a favor and you can argue this another time. this is definitely a pick your battles moment.
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i would strongly considering just letting it go and accept the fact that this is just how she was raised. she may not think it's inconsiderate because her parent or both parents never used please when requesting a small task while working together or in the same area of the home or yard.
similar to those who had parents that never said "i love you" or i'm proud of you", the so and kids knew it in their own way.
i only say this because when helping my father or being in the vicinity of him while he's doing something, he might say, "pick that up and hand it to me." or "that fell over. pick it up." or "go get the (name of tool)." he never said it in a demanding way, but more of a matter of fact/ask type tone. he was not at all an inconsiderate person.
benefit of the doubt. nah
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she may not notice she is doing it, you could phrase as a joke “ please would be nice hahaha” or go direct which i think is best, “ hey jane, i’ve noticed you don’t “ask” me to do things and it bothers me. if you would like me to do something i would appreciate if you asked me verse telling me.”
then have an airbnb on stand-by when she gets mad. nta , i say please to my kids all of the time when i initially ask them to accomplish a task. it doesn’t cost anything to say please or if you really hate the word say “i noticed that plant fell over, can you pick it up?”
nta
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ywbta to say anything to that rude biddy and cause issues for your dad. just emulate her : pass the salt, jane. make me a cup tea. get me a newspaper when you go the store. it’ll be a challenge since you’re used to being more polite and gracious. don’t laugh - it’s hard to be brisk and bossy when you actually have better manners than that.
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i'm leaning nah, just because it's not clear how she handles conflict. i'm leaning towards leaving it alone, just because you are a guest for a few weeks, but your dad actively has to live with her, and will long after those two weeks are up.
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[deleted]
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ywbta
your dad has asked you not to have the confrontation. it sounds like it may not be something she does with anyone, and not pointed at you personally. your dad is doing you a favor. you'll only be there a few more days. this is probably not a hill you should die on, all things considered.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
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NAH
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (31m) work in travel, and spend 95% of my time outside the uk. i recently got told i needed minor surgery, it was recommended that i fly home to get it done. as i mostly live out of airbnbs, i didn't have a place to stay in the uk. i asked my dad if i could stay with him for 2 weeks while i recover from the surgery. &#x200b; he lives with his partner of 10 years, they have lived together around 5 years. i have always maintained a very good relationship with my dad, and a fairly good relationship with his partner (jane). jane and i had one big argument 2 years ago. we made up and have gotten on well since. &#x200b; it's been 4 days, and i have noticed jane has asked me to do a number of small tasks, and not once has she used the word please. eg. we walked past a pot plant in the garden that had been knocked over... "pick up that pot plant", or "loosen the top of this jar", "put this on there." (i actually noticed this years ago, but have never before been in a position to experience it every day) &#x200b; i find the way she asks me to do these things to be extremely rude. i've been very close to saying something about it, the only thing stopping me is that i know my dad hates conflict. i appreciate everything he has done for me by letting me stay here, and i know how awkward he would feel if things escalated into a full on argument. &#x200b; today he could tell something was wrong, i told him what was bothering me, and told him i was planning on saying something to jane next time it happened. he pleaded for me not to. &#x200b; so, am i overreacting here? wibta to say something to her next time it happens, knowing there's a good chance it's going to escalate and make my dad very uncomfortable?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (31m) work in travel, and spend 95% of my time outside the uk. i recently got told i needed minor surgery, it was recommended that i fly home to get it done. as i mostly live out of airbnbs, i didn't have a place to stay in the uk. i asked my dad if i could stay with him for 2 weeks while i recover from the surgery. &#x200b; he lives with his partner of 10 years, they have lived together around 5 years. i have always maintained a very good relationship with my dad, and a fairly good relationship with his partner (jane). jane and i had one big argument 2 years ago. we made up and have gotten on well since. &#x200b; it's been 4 days, and i have noticed jane has asked me to do a number of small tasks, and not once has she used the word please. eg. we walked past a pot plant in the garden that had been knocked over... "pick up that pot plant", or "loosen the top of this jar", "put this on there." (i actually noticed this years ago, but have never before been in a position to experience it every day) &#x200b; i find the way she asks me to do these things to be extremely rude. i've been very close to saying something about it, the only thing stopping me is that i know my dad hates conflict. i appreciate everything he has done for me by letting me stay here, and i know how awkward he would feel if things escalated into a full on argument. &#x200b; today he could tell something was wrong, i told him what was bothering me, and told him i was planning on saying something to jane next time it happened. he pleaded for me not to. &#x200b; so, am i overreacting here? wibta to say something to her next time it happens, knowing there's a good chance it's going to escalate and make my dad very uncomfortable? [/INST] nta however you're only going to be there for two weeks, your dad did you a favor and you can argue this another time. this is definitely a pick your battles moment. </s>
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AITA for not letting my husband drive long distances to see his family?
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my husband [23m] and i [22f] have been married for almost 3 years now. in those 3 years, he managed to total my very first car (one that i bought and paid for myself before marriage), and has caused 3 other car accidents. he has also accumulated 2 speeding tickets, one of which he was caught going 82 in a 55, and a failure to stop at a red light ticket which landed on me because he was driving my car and was caught by a traffic camera.
we live about two and a half hours away from my in-laws and see them at least twice a year. however, this isn’t enough for my husband. i love my in-laws but i am also very introverted. being around other people, especially in large groups, always gives me anxiety and drains the life out of me. this causes issues in our marriage because whenever my husband has these random spurs of wanting to see his family, i just can never muster the energy to drive 5 hrs in a day to do that and be sociable. on top of this, my mil and fil’s homes (they live separately) is a major deterrent because mil lives with roaches and fleas and fil smokes excessively in the house with his wife. being in the home for even 15 mins triggers my asthma and i find myself having to deal with the symptoms for another week afterward. it is nothing short of a miserable experience for me every time we visit. but i make the sacrifice twice a year because i love my husband and i never want to be the reason why he can’t see his family.
but because i’ve banned my husband from driving my vehicles long distance due to his reckless driving, he oftentimes resents me for it and will sometimes perceive it as me trying to keep him from his family. we have two cars, both are in my name, but i refuse to let him drive either one of them more than an hour out because of his driving history. i’ve had several mental breakdown because of the effects his driving has caused us: being refused insurance by most companies, having to pay $600/mo for insurance, losing cars. at one point our insurance got too high and no one would take us so we had no choice but to suffer through an insurance lapse and pay a penalty.
even still, my husband demands that he should be able to drive either vehicle to see his family whenever he feels like it. i was willing to compromise and told him that as soon as our insurance drops down to normal rates (this september), i would be willing to let him drive one of the cars longer distances. our marriage is near perfect except for this one, dang recurring issue. aita here??
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mt0x0m/aita_for_not_letting_my_husband_drive_long/
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2021-04-17 22:48:41
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nta let him buy a car in his name and insure it and pay the rates. you are paying higher premiums because he is reckless. in many states in the us if you are in an accident uninsured, you are automatically "at fault" and in some states they will impound the car on the spot,
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nta - he can take bus, train or uber. i would never let him drive my car period or get in the car with him driving. he’s going to snow up killing someone
there’s no way i’m dropping $7k on insurance either. that’s insane. he shouldn’t have a license period. there are consequences for your actions. not allowing him access to your car is one.
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“our marriage is near perfect except for this”. nta in this situation, but you need a reality check because this is clearly not true.
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nta. if he wants to drive like a moron he should have his own car and insurance. i wouldn't let him drive my cars at all.
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nta. you own the vehicles you set the rules. can’t he buy his own car or is it an issue that he is currently uninsurable?
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nta but your husband is going to kill someone, either himself, you, or someone else. the fact he can't get a car in his own name is his own fault. you aren't banning him from seeing his family because you're controlling, you're doing it because you know what the consequences will be if he gets in another wreck and those consequences are on you.
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nta. i’m shocked that your husband hasn’t had his driver license revoked.
you should reconsider your rosy view of your marriage.
your husband is blaming adhd for his dangerous driving. i don’t think that adhd makes you speed. the argument that someone behind him was speeding is ridiculous. he could have changed lanes. it is immature to blame others for your actions.
your husband is being controlling in pushing you to visit his parents despite the risk to your health. asthma attacks can be fatal. it is a reasonable solution to have his parents meet you and him or just him at a halfway point.
your posts read like your marriage is only “good” because you make all the compromises except one.
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id say nta if your husband is really that bad at driving i certainly understand why you wouldn’t trust him with either vehicle especially if you technically own them both.
what i would suggest is that you put one of the cars titles in his name, put the insurance under his name, he pays on the insurance and you make him responsible for one of the vehicles. if he wrecks the car it needs to be entirely his problem and not fall on your hands to deal with. he needs to learn some responsibility especially if he wants to drive.
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nta everyone here telling you to just give him a car is full of it. he doesn’t need more “practice” he needs to grow the fuck up and make better decisions behind the wheel. giving him a free car will only enable his behavior. sky high insurance will be the least of everyone’s worries once some one gets hurt and the way he’s chumming along i promise it’s just a matter of time. he can furnish and insure a vehicle on his own if he wants to keep the on the way he does. failure to stop ticket means he blew right through a red light the hell is that? i wish i could dukes of hazard the fuck out a my streets too holy shit. four major accidents before even hitting 25 is nuts.
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i'm sorry you're going through this rough patch... nta for sure imo.
"he often times resents me for it and will sometimes perceive it as me trying to keep him from his family" he can't resent anyone but himself for being such a reckless driver. his actions caused this, plain and simple. there are consequences to his inability to drive properly, both monetary (tickets and insurance) and personnal (not seeing his family).
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband [23m] and i [22f] have been married for almost 3 years now. in those 3 years, he managed to total my very first car (one that i bought and paid for myself before marriage), and has caused 3 other car accidents. he has also accumulated 2 speeding tickets, one of which he was caught going 82 in a 55, and a failure to stop at a red light ticket which landed on me because he was driving my car and was caught by a traffic camera. we live about two and a half hours away from my in-laws and see them at least twice a year. however, this isn’t enough for my husband. i love my in-laws but i am also very introverted. being around other people, especially in large groups, always gives me anxiety and drains the life out of me. this causes issues in our marriage because whenever my husband has these random spurs of wanting to see his family, i just can never muster the energy to drive 5 hrs in a day to do that and be sociable. on top of this, my mil and fil’s homes (they live separately) is a major deterrent because mil lives with roaches and fleas and fil smokes excessively in the house with his wife. being in the home for even 15 mins triggers my asthma and i find myself having to deal with the symptoms for another week afterward. it is nothing short of a miserable experience for me every time we visit. but i make the sacrifice twice a year because i love my husband and i never want to be the reason why he can’t see his family. but because i’ve banned my husband from driving my vehicles long distance due to his reckless driving, he oftentimes resents me for it and will sometimes perceive it as me trying to keep him from his family. we have two cars, both are in my name, but i refuse to let him drive either one of them more than an hour out because of his driving history. i’ve had several mental breakdown because of the effects his driving has caused us: being refused insurance by most companies, having to pay $600/mo for insurance, losing cars. at one point our insurance got too high and no one would take us so we had no choice but to suffer through an insurance lapse and pay a penalty. even still, my husband demands that he should be able to drive either vehicle to see his family whenever he feels like it. i was willing to compromise and told him that as soon as our insurance drops down to normal rates (this september), i would be willing to let him drive one of the cars longer distances. our marriage is near perfect except for this one, dang recurring issue. aita here??
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband [23m] and i [22f] have been married for almost 3 years now. in those 3 years, he managed to total my very first car (one that i bought and paid for myself before marriage), and has caused 3 other car accidents. he has also accumulated 2 speeding tickets, one of which he was caught going 82 in a 55, and a failure to stop at a red light ticket which landed on me because he was driving my car and was caught by a traffic camera. we live about two and a half hours away from my in-laws and see them at least twice a year. however, this isn’t enough for my husband. i love my in-laws but i am also very introverted. being around other people, especially in large groups, always gives me anxiety and drains the life out of me. this causes issues in our marriage because whenever my husband has these random spurs of wanting to see his family, i just can never muster the energy to drive 5 hrs in a day to do that and be sociable. on top of this, my mil and fil’s homes (they live separately) is a major deterrent because mil lives with roaches and fleas and fil smokes excessively in the house with his wife. being in the home for even 15 mins triggers my asthma and i find myself having to deal with the symptoms for another week afterward. it is nothing short of a miserable experience for me every time we visit. but i make the sacrifice twice a year because i love my husband and i never want to be the reason why he can’t see his family. but because i’ve banned my husband from driving my vehicles long distance due to his reckless driving, he oftentimes resents me for it and will sometimes perceive it as me trying to keep him from his family. we have two cars, both are in my name, but i refuse to let him drive either one of them more than an hour out because of his driving history. i’ve had several mental breakdown because of the effects his driving has caused us: being refused insurance by most companies, having to pay $600/mo for insurance, losing cars. at one point our insurance got too high and no one would take us so we had no choice but to suffer through an insurance lapse and pay a penalty. even still, my husband demands that he should be able to drive either vehicle to see his family whenever he feels like it. i was willing to compromise and told him that as soon as our insurance drops down to normal rates (this september), i would be willing to let him drive one of the cars longer distances. our marriage is near perfect except for this one, dang recurring issue. aita here?? [/INST] nta let him buy a car in his name and insure it and pay the rates. you are paying higher premiums because he is reckless. in many states in the us if you are in an accident uninsured, you are automatically "at fault" and in some states they will impound the car on the spot, </s>
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AITA for icing out my cousin after she implied my wife was a predator?
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hi, this is a throwaway.
i am a 27 year old woman and my wife is 33. we met when i was 25 and she was 31. so there is 6 year age difference, sort of. i’ll be 28 in december and she won’t be 34 for 9 more months after that. neither of us feel this age gap is very significant. despite really liking me, she was actually a little more wary than i was starting the relationship, not want to seem like she was a creep, haha! not that it matters, but i was the one who initiated things and persued her at the start.
my 27 yo cousin recently moved into the same city as us and has taken to showing up at our apartment whenever she feels like it, despite us nipping it in the bud and telling her multiple times we may be busy and that there is a pandemic. we put our foot down about two weeks ago and then she’s taken to facetiming. one thing she’s touched on before is our age difference. she seems to have it in her mind that because of the gap and that i am very feminine whereas my wife is a classic butch, that my wife is “controlling” or that she’s in charge (our cat is in charge) and i’m kinda like a ditzy whatever. i’ve gotten so sick of it. yesterday she called and she actually said “do you ever worry that what your wife did was actually kinda predatory?” which like what?!! i hung up the phone and texted her saying “i don’t want to talk to you anymore until you get these weird ideas and stereotypes out of your head and i certainly don’t want you here for thanksgiving.” she wasn’t even invited to our thanksgiving in the first place, but seemed to be hopeful that we would change our mind.
i’ve been getting slammed with texts from my aunt and uncle. cousin cannot return home for thanksgiving and knows very few people here. i’ve essentially isolated her. the guilt is starting to creep in now. aita for essentially banning her from a relationship during a lonely time?
| 8,229 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jyddyk/aita_for_icing_out_my_cousin_after_she_implied_my/
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2020-11-21 16:17:13
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nta you’re 27 not 17. she is not a predator. you’re both in a similar stage of life. your cousin was out of line. how much you want to bet your cousin would date a 21yo.
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nta. if she didn’t want to be isolated, then she shouldn’t have made self-isolating comments insulting your intelligence and your relationship. i would explain what she did to your family members, because it’s likely she gave them a completely different story.
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nta. well done you for setting boundaries. your cousin can apologise but you were quite right. it's barely an age gap anyway!
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a six-year age gap would have been problematic if you were 13 and she was 19. someone in their mid-twenties and someone in their early-thirties? that’s two adults who are pretty close in age.
nta. from your post, your cousin has issues with boundaries. enforcing reasonable boundaries doesn’t make you an asshole, ever.
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nta
predatory?!
she’s probably spinning her own story to make her the victim in all of this.
keep toxic people out.
just because they’re family, doesn’t mean you have to keep them around.
honestly! it’s not unusual for the older person in the relationship to take the lead.
you’ve barely an age gap.
would she have said the same thing if your were a hetero couple?
you’re feeling guilty because you’re being manipulated.
you were both consenting adults when you met.
why are you letting your cousin get to you?
i’ve a similar age gap.
i’m turning 43 he’s 51. 18yrs together.
i used to tease him that he was playing with m16’s in the army when i was in 3rd grade.
it’s all about perception. 😂
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nta.
also, cat tax?
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nta, how is it predatory for two consenting adults to meet and fall in love? your cousin lacks social graces
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do aunt and uncle understand the strain their precious daughter is placing on you two? nta
why can't cousin return home? i'm guessing her parents don't want her either.
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nta
your cousin is out of her mind. you were 25 which is well above legal age. and a six year gap is nothing. so how is she a predator? i wouldn't want someone who made accusations like that around my family or myself either.
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nta. if your wife was your husband no one would blink twice at the age gap given you met when you were 25 and not 15...
cut her out and tell your aunt to grow up.
good luck and protect that happy family you have there! don't let others try and destroy your happiness.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi, this is a throwaway. i am a 27 year old woman and my wife is 33. we met when i was 25 and she was 31. so there is 6 year age difference, sort of. i’ll be 28 in december and she won’t be 34 for 9 more months after that. neither of us feel this age gap is very significant. despite really liking me, she was actually a little more wary than i was starting the relationship, not want to seem like she was a creep, haha! not that it matters, but i was the one who initiated things and persued her at the start. my 27 yo cousin recently moved into the same city as us and has taken to showing up at our apartment whenever she feels like it, despite us nipping it in the bud and telling her multiple times we may be busy and that there is a pandemic. we put our foot down about two weeks ago and then she’s taken to facetiming. one thing she’s touched on before is our age difference. she seems to have it in her mind that because of the gap and that i am very feminine whereas my wife is a classic butch, that my wife is “controlling” or that she’s in charge (our cat is in charge) and i’m kinda like a ditzy whatever. i’ve gotten so sick of it. yesterday she called and she actually said “do you ever worry that what your wife did was actually kinda predatory?” which like what?!! i hung up the phone and texted her saying “i don’t want to talk to you anymore until you get these weird ideas and stereotypes out of your head and i certainly don’t want you here for thanksgiving.” she wasn’t even invited to our thanksgiving in the first place, but seemed to be hopeful that we would change our mind. i’ve been getting slammed with texts from my aunt and uncle. cousin cannot return home for thanksgiving and knows very few people here. i’ve essentially isolated her. the guilt is starting to creep in now. aita for essentially banning her from a relationship during a lonely time?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi, this is a throwaway. i am a 27 year old woman and my wife is 33. we met when i was 25 and she was 31. so there is 6 year age difference, sort of. i’ll be 28 in december and she won’t be 34 for 9 more months after that. neither of us feel this age gap is very significant. despite really liking me, she was actually a little more wary than i was starting the relationship, not want to seem like she was a creep, haha! not that it matters, but i was the one who initiated things and persued her at the start. my 27 yo cousin recently moved into the same city as us and has taken to showing up at our apartment whenever she feels like it, despite us nipping it in the bud and telling her multiple times we may be busy and that there is a pandemic. we put our foot down about two weeks ago and then she’s taken to facetiming. one thing she’s touched on before is our age difference. she seems to have it in her mind that because of the gap and that i am very feminine whereas my wife is a classic butch, that my wife is “controlling” or that she’s in charge (our cat is in charge) and i’m kinda like a ditzy whatever. i’ve gotten so sick of it. yesterday she called and she actually said “do you ever worry that what your wife did was actually kinda predatory?” which like what?!! i hung up the phone and texted her saying “i don’t want to talk to you anymore until you get these weird ideas and stereotypes out of your head and i certainly don’t want you here for thanksgiving.” she wasn’t even invited to our thanksgiving in the first place, but seemed to be hopeful that we would change our mind. i’ve been getting slammed with texts from my aunt and uncle. cousin cannot return home for thanksgiving and knows very few people here. i’ve essentially isolated her. the guilt is starting to creep in now. aita for essentially banning her from a relationship during a lonely time? [/INST] nta you’re 27 not 17. she is not a predator. you’re both in a similar stage of life. your cousin was out of line. how much you want to bet your cousin would date a 21yo. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my stepdaughter to wear my clothes?
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i was away at the weekend and my stepdaughter who’s 14 was at ours. i’m 24 and still dress quite young (by that i mean i dress like someone in their early 20s) and i’m very into fashion so she likes a lot of my clothes. so i came back home yesterday and she was still at ours and i noticed that a dress of mine was in with the washing. i said to my husband ‘why is this in the wash i haven’t worn it?’ and he said ‘oh kayla borrowed it the other night, you don’t mind do you’, i was like, ‘yeah, actually i do mind’. this isn’t a cheap dress, and also i just really don’t want my stepdaughter wearing my clothes? he was like ‘oh sorry i didn’t think you’d mind’ and he was annoyed at me that i was bothered by it. she walked in the room and asked what was going on and i was like to her ‘can you ask me next time you want to borrow something because a lot of my clothes are quite expensive and i don’t want them getting ruined’ and she was like okay...
then she walked off and my husband was like, ‘chill out it’s just a dress, if she ruined it i would have bought you a new one.’ i was like ‘that’s not really the point but ok whatever’
aita for not wanting her to wear my clothes?
| 2,206 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/blw9ke/aita_for_not_wanting_my_stepdaughter_to_wear_my/
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2019-05-07 21:10:09
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nta. your stepdaughter most likely asked your husband if it was okay and he said it was.
he’s in the wrong here because he dismissed your feelings and allowed your property to be used without your permission.
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nta -but neither is your step daughter. sounds like your husband is the jerk here. however, if you have a distant/difficult relationship with your step daughter already, then calling her out when she clearly already asked permission from her dad was the wrong way to go.
should've just stuck with calling him out.
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nta but honestly this sounds like an older sibling/younger sibling fight which is weird. you aren’t your husbands child. you need to make sure you are respected as an adult figure in your home.
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> i’m 24 and still dress quite young (by that i mean i dress like someone in their early 20s)
so you dress like you did a year ago? lol. anyway, nta. the step kid seems fine with the arrangement. kinda shitty to assume she would ruin your outfit though.
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nah
sounds like the daughter asked for permission and got it. sounds like you're husband didn't really realize you mind. if you're not comfortably with sharing clothes, that's reasonable.
it does sound that you could be a bit more tactful and better in communications. by saying 'i don't want them getting ruined' you're telling your step daughter that she's clumsy and not careful. that doesn't make you an apple, but it's probably not the message you want to send. it's ok to just say you don't like it and leave it at that. same goes for your husband btw, who should have asked you.
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nta. sounds like the daughter is cool with the agreement too.
your husband is not listening to your feelings though, and that may be a problem.
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nah - not really. your husband is nearly 40, which probably explains his "don't sweat the small stuff" point of view. at 24 you're probably much more attached to the things you buy because being an independent adult with some expendable income is still relatively new (\~6 years, but maybe less if you went to college). the 14 year old is doing what they do. at least she was cool with the scolding.
&#x200b;
i'm claiming nah since the issue was resolved but there seems to be some communication tension that needs to be worked on in your household. that doesn't make any of you assholes but i suggest working on it more.
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>my husband was like, ‘chill out it’s just a dress, if she ruined it i would have bought you a new one.’
esh. that's what you get when you marry a man so much older than you, he won't treat you like an equal.
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yta. the way you talk about your stepdaughter is really odd. why would she ruin your dress by using it? is she a hobo or something? does she not shower? then why phrase it like *that*?
you are totally ta here but i would absolutely not be surprised if you acted ever worse irl. yeah, i guess you dont want to lend your clothes and that is okay but the way you acted was assholish. its no big deal, your husband thought you didnt mind (and probably your step daughter asked him if it was okay) because the normal thing is to not mind about such a mundane thing specially with someone you should be close to. things like this are those that are never gonna allow her to see you as anything other than her dad's new wife. is that what you want? because if thats the case, then you are even much more ta here.
you acted immature, and that is something you are not allowed to do if you are really gonna commit to a relationship with someone that has a kid.
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nta, but your stepdaughter isn't ta, it's your husband for allowing her to take your clothes without your permission. maybe offering to go shopping with her so she can utilize your fashion sense would go a long way.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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ESH
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.139196 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i was away at the weekend and my stepdaughter who’s 14 was at ours. i’m 24 and still dress quite young (by that i mean i dress like someone in their early 20s) and i’m very into fashion so she likes a lot of my clothes. so i came back home yesterday and she was still at ours and i noticed that a dress of mine was in with the washing. i said to my husband ‘why is this in the wash i haven’t worn it?’ and he said ‘oh kayla borrowed it the other night, you don’t mind do you’, i was like, ‘yeah, actually i do mind’. this isn’t a cheap dress, and also i just really don’t want my stepdaughter wearing my clothes? he was like ‘oh sorry i didn’t think you’d mind’ and he was annoyed at me that i was bothered by it. she walked in the room and asked what was going on and i was like to her ‘can you ask me next time you want to borrow something because a lot of my clothes are quite expensive and i don’t want them getting ruined’ and she was like okay... then she walked off and my husband was like, ‘chill out it’s just a dress, if she ruined it i would have bought you a new one.’ i was like ‘that’s not really the point but ok whatever’ aita for not wanting her to wear my clothes?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i was away at the weekend and my stepdaughter who’s 14 was at ours. i’m 24 and still dress quite young (by that i mean i dress like someone in their early 20s) and i’m very into fashion so she likes a lot of my clothes. so i came back home yesterday and she was still at ours and i noticed that a dress of mine was in with the washing. i said to my husband ‘why is this in the wash i haven’t worn it?’ and he said ‘oh kayla borrowed it the other night, you don’t mind do you’, i was like, ‘yeah, actually i do mind’. this isn’t a cheap dress, and also i just really don’t want my stepdaughter wearing my clothes? he was like ‘oh sorry i didn’t think you’d mind’ and he was annoyed at me that i was bothered by it. she walked in the room and asked what was going on and i was like to her ‘can you ask me next time you want to borrow something because a lot of my clothes are quite expensive and i don’t want them getting ruined’ and she was like okay... then she walked off and my husband was like, ‘chill out it’s just a dress, if she ruined it i would have bought you a new one.’ i was like ‘that’s not really the point but ok whatever’ aita for not wanting her to wear my clothes? [/INST] nta. your stepdaughter most likely asked your husband if it was okay and he said it was. he’s in the wrong here because he dismissed your feelings and allowed your property to be used without your permission. </s>
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AITA for offering my partner an Uber instead of waiting an hour for her to get ready this morning.
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we are 2,000 miles from home visiting my family on thanksgiving and staying in a hotel. i asked her to wake up and get ready from about 10am to 11am. i got ready and she still wasn’t up by 11:30am. cooking started around 10:30am at my parents house.
i kept trying to get her to get ready,
she gets mad that i’m rushing her. i told her it’s important that i get there and i offer her an uber to not feel rushed.
she is livid at me for not waiting. i can’t understand how i can be the asshole for wanting to see my family i only see a few times per year. while she’s been in bed for 10 hours.
aita?
| 1,863 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z3onla/aita_for_offering_my_partner_an_uber_instead_of/
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2022-11-24 16:44:14
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nta
the whole sleepy gf slow to go isn't a cute quirk, it's irresponsible and disrespectful.
if she really does have something medical or mental health that slows her down in the morning that would be one, but she's still responsible for it.
don't have kids with her... kids wake up at 5am screaming!
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nta you are far kinder than i am. my ex-wife used to pull this stunt on me all the time. towards the end (i did mention she was my ex-wife,didn't i?) i gave her a deadline, if she wasn't ready, i would leave without her. yes she would get mad, but after a few times, it stopped (again, i did mention she was my ex-wife).
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it was also really frustrating, because she kept saying that i was threatening her with leaving if she wasn’t ready in 10 minutes. when i said, precisely “if you would like to relax more, i can get you an uber, when you are ready”. i am not sure how this sentence can be heard in such a passive aggressive way.
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nta
she is. it's so rude and disrespectful to act as if your time is more valuable than everyone else's. if she were say 15-30 minutes late waking up that's one thing. but, not up and getting ready an hour and half later? that's just shit manners. if she's upset, then good. now she knows how you feel.
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nta. typically, people who are late are always habitually late. if she refuses to schedule herself to get there on time then she can take the uber. this isn't likely to change so maybe you need to rethink if she is the right one.
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**nta**
you weren't asking her to be up at some ungodly hour in the morning, it was already almost noon. and in fact, you weren't asking her to be ready to go with you at all if she really didn't want to be hurried. you were letting her know that you were willing to accommodate her, but that you would like her to be considerate of your feelings, because at that point the morning was already pretty much over, and you were still waiting to leave for your parents' house, whom you rarely get to see.
as you said, she hadn't been deprived of sleep, and you weren't rushing her. you were offering her a thoughtful alternative.
she was deeply selfish and inconsiderate, and you are most definitely nta.
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nta. your solution solved both problems, of you wanting to get there and her wanting to laze around some more. she has nothing to be upset about.
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nta
you traveled to spend time with your family, and that time is limited. your gf isn't making much of an effort to help you do that. if she cared more, i think she could've easily been ready by 11. it's not like you asked her to be ready at 6 or 7 in the morning,lol.
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nta. you offered your partner an uber as an option. her other choice was to get out of bed.
your partner seems very controlling. why would she want you to sit there and watch her sleep, shower, put on her clothes? frankly her behavior is very rude. have you 2 been together for very long? is this a habit with her?
you value your family and your traditions. she has been preventing you from joining in. she is the a h.
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we are 2,000 miles from home visiting my family on thanksgiving and staying in a hotel. i asked her to wake up and get ready from about 10am to 11am. i got ready and she still wasn’t up by 11:30am. cooking started around 10:30am at my parents house. i kept trying to get her to get ready, she gets mad that i’m rushing her. i told her it’s important that i get there and i offer her an uber to not feel rushed. she is livid at me for not waiting. i can’t understand how i can be the asshole for wanting to see my family i only see a few times per year. while she’s been in bed for 10 hours. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we are 2,000 miles from home visiting my family on thanksgiving and staying in a hotel. i asked her to wake up and get ready from about 10am to 11am. i got ready and she still wasn’t up by 11:30am. cooking started around 10:30am at my parents house. i kept trying to get her to get ready, she gets mad that i’m rushing her. i told her it’s important that i get there and i offer her an uber to not feel rushed. she is livid at me for not waiting. i can’t understand how i can be the asshole for wanting to see my family i only see a few times per year. while she’s been in bed for 10 hours. aita? [/INST] nta the whole sleepy gf slow to go isn't a cute quirk, it's irresponsible and disrespectful. if she really does have something medical or mental health that slows her down in the morning that would be one, but she's still responsible for it. don't have kids with her... kids wake up at 5am screaming! </s>
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AITA for asking my upstairs neighbor to not vacuum her hard floors?
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my neighbor moved in above me about a month ago. before she moved in, the complex renovated her unit so she has all hard floors except in the bedrooms. (unrenovated units like mine are all carpeted.) everything has been fine so far, except for at some point every week she vacuums her floors. now, obviously i understand her vacuuming the carpeted areas or her rugs. but she vacuums the hard floors too. it can go on for about half an hour. the issue is that i work from home and she vacuums in the middle of the day when i'm on meetings. it's very hard for me to concentrate on my meetings when this happens.
i finally went up and knocked on her door and explained the situation to her. she was very apologetic, and asked when is a better time for her to vacuum so that she doesn't disturb me. i asked why she needed to vacuum her hard floors as opposed to just sweeping or swiffering. she said that she has a cat, so she actually vacuums and swiffer's. that's the only way she can be sure that she gets all of the hair up. i basically told her that she should maybe consider switching to both sweeping and swiffering, instead of vacuuming. she said that wasn't possible, but said that she would make every attempt to vacuum during non work hours. i asked that she also make sure not to do it too late in the day either, and she basically just closed the door, which made me think maybe i was an ah. but, i mean, i have to be able to do my job. aita?
| 2,957 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ycj6s2/aita_for_asking_my_upstairs_neighbor_to_not/
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2022-10-24 18:47:02
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yta. your neighbor was prepared to make a very reasonable compromise by vacuuming at a time that was convenient for you. you have absolutely no right to dictate how another person cleans their apartment. sorry. lots of people vacuum hard floors.
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yta
she has every right to vacuums wherever she wants. and she was kind and accommodating in asking what time would work for you.
buy some noise canceling headphones for your meetings and stop imposing on others.
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yes yta. come on, once a week 30 minutes...
if you can't concentrate for 30 minutes that is a you problem.
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yta
you have such a nice neighbor who is very willing to accommodate to your schedule.
how she cleans her house is up to her and you are acting very entitled.
at this point my petty self would make sure to vacuum my floors for an hour every work day
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yta she cleans her home like everyone else, which is an inconvenience to you half an hour about once a week. she tried to compromise with you but you couldn't even come up with a time slot that you'd be ok with, just carried on telling her what not to do.
your job is actually not her problem, but she still tried to accommodate you but you refuse to help yourself.
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yta. she was trying to accommodate you! she's getting up all the cat hair, and yeah, using a vac can be the best way to do that. she said she wouldn't do it while you were working, and you also said "not too late." too. sheesh, get a grip.
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yta. middle of the day, and they're doing a normal cleaning routine. get over it, use noise cancelling headphones, or something.
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is your frontal lobe ok? because i cannot stress now ridiculous this sounds. your neighbour can vacuum her house however she likes using whatever she wants. she was even polite enough to ask a suitable time and then you garnished your entitlement with a speech about what she should use a broom and swifter. she decides how she wants to clean her house not you. go apologies with a potted plant or something and politely say please i find these times suitable before work or close of day. she may forgive you and work with you rather than against your entitled ass.
.
.
.
yta x 3
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wow! yta. go back to the office, or find a shared working space. she has a right to vacuum. she already asked you when would be a more appropriate time. so glad you are not my neighbour.
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yta
your neighbor is vacuuming during the day. this is a you problem. get a noise cancelling head set.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my neighbor moved in above me about a month ago. before she moved in, the complex renovated her unit so she has all hard floors except in the bedrooms. (unrenovated units like mine are all carpeted.) everything has been fine so far, except for at some point every week she vacuums her floors. now, obviously i understand her vacuuming the carpeted areas or her rugs. but she vacuums the hard floors too. it can go on for about half an hour. the issue is that i work from home and she vacuums in the middle of the day when i'm on meetings. it's very hard for me to concentrate on my meetings when this happens. i finally went up and knocked on her door and explained the situation to her. she was very apologetic, and asked when is a better time for her to vacuum so that she doesn't disturb me. i asked why she needed to vacuum her hard floors as opposed to just sweeping or swiffering. she said that she has a cat, so she actually vacuums and swiffer's. that's the only way she can be sure that she gets all of the hair up. i basically told her that she should maybe consider switching to both sweeping and swiffering, instead of vacuuming. she said that wasn't possible, but said that she would make every attempt to vacuum during non work hours. i asked that she also make sure not to do it too late in the day either, and she basically just closed the door, which made me think maybe i was an ah. but, i mean, i have to be able to do my job. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my neighbor moved in above me about a month ago. before she moved in, the complex renovated her unit so she has all hard floors except in the bedrooms. (unrenovated units like mine are all carpeted.) everything has been fine so far, except for at some point every week she vacuums her floors. now, obviously i understand her vacuuming the carpeted areas or her rugs. but she vacuums the hard floors too. it can go on for about half an hour. the issue is that i work from home and she vacuums in the middle of the day when i'm on meetings. it's very hard for me to concentrate on my meetings when this happens. i finally went up and knocked on her door and explained the situation to her. she was very apologetic, and asked when is a better time for her to vacuum so that she doesn't disturb me. i asked why she needed to vacuum her hard floors as opposed to just sweeping or swiffering. she said that she has a cat, so she actually vacuums and swiffer's. that's the only way she can be sure that she gets all of the hair up. i basically told her that she should maybe consider switching to both sweeping and swiffering, instead of vacuuming. she said that wasn't possible, but said that she would make every attempt to vacuum during non work hours. i asked that she also make sure not to do it too late in the day either, and she basically just closed the door, which made me think maybe i was an ah. but, i mean, i have to be able to do my job. aita? [/INST] yta. your neighbor was prepared to make a very reasonable compromise by vacuuming at a time that was convenient for you. you have absolutely no right to dictate how another person cleans their apartment. sorry. lots of people vacuum hard floors. </s>
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AITA for not giving back my wedding dress?
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!update at the end of post!
involved people:
me 29f,
my fiance and soon-to-be-husabnd 31m,
his twin brother and my bil 31m,
bil's fiance 30f
story:
my fiance and i got engaged summer 2019 but said from the very beginning to not stress about the date of the wedding so we set the wedding for december 2021. in march this year i walked past a shop for wedding dresses and saw one in the window i instantly loved. long story short, i bought it the next day together with my best friend (i wanted her opinion first). noone else knew i already have it. my bil is supposed to get married in september and his fiance went dress shopping last week (i didn't come along). today she wanted to show the dress to the 'girls in the family'. well, she walks out with the exact same dress i have. everyone was complementing her so i kept quiet for the moment but as soon as i got the chance to talk to her privately i talked to her and told her i have the same dress. she was very disappointed as she expected she would be coming along dress shopping with me. she was also angry i have the same dress and asked me to give it back because she doesn't 'want to get married in the same dress as her husband's twin brother's wife'. i don't want to give my dress back: i absolutely love it, i don't mind getting married in this dress even if she is wearing the same. words came out to the rest of the family and everyone is giving me shit for my decision.
| 4,606 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p1wqwz/aita_for_not_giving_back_my_wedding_dress/
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2021-08-10 19:46:27
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nta, i’d start sending out copies of the receipt that you bought it back in march. seriously, so many wedding dresses look the same. i doubt you will be wearing your hair, makeup, veil or accessories the same so it shouldn’t be an issue.
if she has the problem, she could return her dress (probably easier too since she bought hers more recently).
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so she's mad at you for buying your dress without her, but she bought her dress without you?
nta. you bought the dress first, you're getting married second, you don't care if you have the same dress. this is a her problem. you're fine.
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nta - first come first serve lol show the receipt date. and she's a hypocrite because she wanted to go dress shopping with you but she didn't take you with her. anyways not the asshole but still a sucky situation for both parties involved... i mean i'm a guy but aren't there like thousands of wedding dresses lol what are the chances.
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so, wait, you didn’t go with her to shop for a dress, but she “expected” to go with you? info: were you invited to go with her and declined or couldn’t go?
maybe it’s a side issue, but if you weren’t invited at all then we are starting to see a pattern of entitlement here. and if that’s the case, then you will most certainly need to put you foot down here as she will likely get worse about this.
in any event, nta, because you bought this dress first and she is already starting to sound unreasonable.
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nta if she doesn't want to wear the same dress she can return hers, since she's the one that cares
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nta plenty of people wear the same wedding dress. if she cared so much about being unique she can take hers back. if she waited until 2 months before her wedding to get one though it doesn't seem like it was really a priority since the average time is 6 months.
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hmmmm...yet you bought it first. what does your fiancé say?
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info: can you even return wedding dresses??? i didn’t think you could??
either way, nta. it’s ok to like and wear the same dress. it’s just a coincidence it was 2 people in the same family that it happened to.
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nah. the two of you could just agree upon the fact that you both have incredibly good taste in wedding dresses. it shouldn’t evolve into a ‘who bought it first’ or ‘who’s getting married first’ competition. it’s not like you had shown her the dress and then she ran out and got the same one. be adults and laugh about it. here you are marrying twins (regardless of if they are identical or not) and both some how got the same dress. it could be a future family story of fate or a future family story of a rift being created. you guys get to pick. which will it be?
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nta - she's wearing it first so what's the problem? anyone notices, its going to be at your wedding anyway
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NAH
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NTA
| 0.032079 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: !update at the end of post! involved people: me 29f, my fiance and soon-to-be-husabnd 31m, his twin brother and my bil 31m, bil's fiance 30f story: my fiance and i got engaged summer 2019 but said from the very beginning to not stress about the date of the wedding so we set the wedding for december 2021. in march this year i walked past a shop for wedding dresses and saw one in the window i instantly loved. long story short, i bought it the next day together with my best friend (i wanted her opinion first). noone else knew i already have it. my bil is supposed to get married in september and his fiance went dress shopping last week (i didn't come along). today she wanted to show the dress to the 'girls in the family'. well, she walks out with the exact same dress i have. everyone was complementing her so i kept quiet for the moment but as soon as i got the chance to talk to her privately i talked to her and told her i have the same dress. she was very disappointed as she expected she would be coming along dress shopping with me. she was also angry i have the same dress and asked me to give it back because she doesn't 'want to get married in the same dress as her husband's twin brother's wife'. i don't want to give my dress back: i absolutely love it, i don't mind getting married in this dress even if she is wearing the same. words came out to the rest of the family and everyone is giving me shit for my decision.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
!update at the end of post! involved people: me 29f, my fiance and soon-to-be-husabnd 31m, his twin brother and my bil 31m, bil's fiance 30f story: my fiance and i got engaged summer 2019 but said from the very beginning to not stress about the date of the wedding so we set the wedding for december 2021. in march this year i walked past a shop for wedding dresses and saw one in the window i instantly loved. long story short, i bought it the next day together with my best friend (i wanted her opinion first). noone else knew i already have it. my bil is supposed to get married in september and his fiance went dress shopping last week (i didn't come along). today she wanted to show the dress to the 'girls in the family'. well, she walks out with the exact same dress i have. everyone was complementing her so i kept quiet for the moment but as soon as i got the chance to talk to her privately i talked to her and told her i have the same dress. she was very disappointed as she expected she would be coming along dress shopping with me. she was also angry i have the same dress and asked me to give it back because she doesn't 'want to get married in the same dress as her husband's twin brother's wife'. i don't want to give my dress back: i absolutely love it, i don't mind getting married in this dress even if she is wearing the same. words came out to the rest of the family and everyone is giving me shit for my decision. [/INST] nta, i’d start sending out copies of the receipt that you bought it back in march. seriously, so many wedding dresses look the same. i doubt you will be wearing your hair, makeup, veil or accessories the same so it shouldn’t be an issue. if she has the problem, she could return her dress (probably easier too since she bought hers more recently). </s>
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AITA for not wanting to get kicked out?
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so my husband is a sahd and i work full time. he is trying to learn german and had a girl from class over to study. as he was picking her up from the train station i was cleaning up cause he frankly doesn't clean. i put the roomba in the kitchen and as they got here picked up things here and there. after a while my hubby goes: do we need to go study in the office? i thought you were going for a walk with the baby. the roomba is so distracting. i'm like: well i thought it was at 4. the girl goes: well actually it's 5 min to 4 now... my hubby is like oh buuuurn.
i'm thinking okeee, so you're kicking us out or what?
so i get ready, get the baby ready and tell my husband that my parents were gonna come by but not to worry, they weren't gonna come in. he asked why that would bother him and i responded so that they don't bother them, since they are kicking me out. i'm sure i was a bit snippy. then he blows up and chews me out in front of his friend what my deal was, how could i be so rude, how could i involve her in this etc. i said i hadn't involved her, he said i did by saying "they" are kicking me out. i didn't say anything about the snide "it's 5 min to 4" remark and told her that i did not mean to attack her in any way. she was like noo, no worries, all good. i'm sure she was more shocked and uncomfortable by my husband's behavior. they then took off. husband is still extremely mad at me won't talk to me, won't sleep in the same bed as me, won't come to what we had planned tomorrow...
but guys, they wanted to kick me and the baby out in freezing weather so we wouldn't bother them. so anyways, am i the only asshole here?
| 601 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s9n1u7/aita_for_not_wanting_to_get_kicked_out/
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2022-01-21 22:38:46
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nta
***does*** he need to go study in the office? sounds like the answer to that was a big fat unapologetic yes, not dragging yourself and the baby outside. yeesh. does not take a whole house to practice german.
also, judging by his weird reaction? might be more than a study buddy. keep an eye on that.
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nta whatever is going on there sounds sketchy as f. red flags for sure.
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nta
i hate to say this... but... what's the biggest reason you could think of for him wanting his wife and baby out of the house (in the winter, for a walk?) while his 'new friend' is over...?
that blow up is alarming. it tells me he knew you were getting suspicious, and he needed to shift you away from that train of thought and make the fight about something else. it's very manipulative...
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nta
op, act like your bff just told you this story about their husband:
t**hen he blows up and chews me out in front of his friend** what my deal was, **how could i be so rude**, **how could i involve her in this** etc. i said i hadn't involved her, he said i did by saying "they" are kicking me out. i didn't say anything about the snide "it's 5 min to 4" remark and told her that i did not mean to attack her in any way. she was like noo, no worries, all good. i'm sure she was more shocked and uncomfortable by my husband's behavior. **they then took off.** husband is **still extremely mad at me won't talk to me**, **won't sleep in the same bed as me, won't come to what we had planned tomorrow..**.
now, how does this make you really feel.
* **your husband is disrespectful af**
how does he treat you this way in front of his classmate
has he acted like this before in front of friends and family or others
* **how does your husband kick you out of your own home?**
it's **freezing outside** and he wants you out of the house with a baby...**red flag**
could you not have went into the bedroom
* **how does your husband let someone disrespect you in your own home?**
the girl goes: well actually it's 5 min to 4 now... my hubby is like oh buuuurn.
* your husband has turned this on you to make you seem like your are in the wrong.
this whole thing is suspect as all get out
* who cares about the study being a mess. they could have went into the study bc there would be no way in hell i would go out in the freezing cold w/ my baby.
* **you have a husband problem,** that showed out and disrespected you in front of another woman. your husband is acting real suspect.
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nta. honestly the idea that your husband and his study friend/tutor/whatever wanted you to leave the house at all instead of going somewhere else in the house is really strange to me and his reaction is even more strange.. red flag alert! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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nta. you need to be worried about what you husband is doing with her when you aren't around.
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nta. if they're going in the study why do you have to leave at all? sit down with a book and enjoy a quiet hour. is the tutor hot?
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nta. but your husband sure is. it sounds like he has anger issues that he needs to deal with.
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nta. it sounds like he wants you out of the house to cheat or something 🚩🚩
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op...most cheaters cheat down. it has nothing to do with looks.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my husband is a sahd and i work full time. he is trying to learn german and had a girl from class over to study. as he was picking her up from the train station i was cleaning up cause he frankly doesn't clean. i put the roomba in the kitchen and as they got here picked up things here and there. after a while my hubby goes: do we need to go study in the office? i thought you were going for a walk with the baby. the roomba is so distracting. i'm like: well i thought it was at 4. the girl goes: well actually it's 5 min to 4 now... my hubby is like oh buuuurn. i'm thinking okeee, so you're kicking us out or what? so i get ready, get the baby ready and tell my husband that my parents were gonna come by but not to worry, they weren't gonna come in. he asked why that would bother him and i responded so that they don't bother them, since they are kicking me out. i'm sure i was a bit snippy. then he blows up and chews me out in front of his friend what my deal was, how could i be so rude, how could i involve her in this etc. i said i hadn't involved her, he said i did by saying "they" are kicking me out. i didn't say anything about the snide "it's 5 min to 4" remark and told her that i did not mean to attack her in any way. she was like noo, no worries, all good. i'm sure she was more shocked and uncomfortable by my husband's behavior. they then took off. husband is still extremely mad at me won't talk to me, won't sleep in the same bed as me, won't come to what we had planned tomorrow... but guys, they wanted to kick me and the baby out in freezing weather so we wouldn't bother them. so anyways, am i the only asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my husband is a sahd and i work full time. he is trying to learn german and had a girl from class over to study. as he was picking her up from the train station i was cleaning up cause he frankly doesn't clean. i put the roomba in the kitchen and as they got here picked up things here and there. after a while my hubby goes: do we need to go study in the office? i thought you were going for a walk with the baby. the roomba is so distracting. i'm like: well i thought it was at 4. the girl goes: well actually it's 5 min to 4 now... my hubby is like oh buuuurn. i'm thinking okeee, so you're kicking us out or what? so i get ready, get the baby ready and tell my husband that my parents were gonna come by but not to worry, they weren't gonna come in. he asked why that would bother him and i responded so that they don't bother them, since they are kicking me out. i'm sure i was a bit snippy. then he blows up and chews me out in front of his friend what my deal was, how could i be so rude, how could i involve her in this etc. i said i hadn't involved her, he said i did by saying "they" are kicking me out. i didn't say anything about the snide "it's 5 min to 4" remark and told her that i did not mean to attack her in any way. she was like noo, no worries, all good. i'm sure she was more shocked and uncomfortable by my husband's behavior. they then took off. husband is still extremely mad at me won't talk to me, won't sleep in the same bed as me, won't come to what we had planned tomorrow... but guys, they wanted to kick me and the baby out in freezing weather so we wouldn't bother them. so anyways, am i the only asshole here? [/INST] nta ***does*** he need to go study in the office? sounds like the answer to that was a big fat unapologetic yes, not dragging yourself and the baby outside. yeesh. does not take a whole house to practice german. also, judging by his weird reaction? might be more than a study buddy. keep an eye on that. </s>
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AITA for calling my friend ableist?
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backstory: i, 17f, had weakness and some numbness in my legs from when i was about 9, it doesn't appear to be a spinal issue as i still have full bladder control and the issue kind of stops around my upper thigh/hip area. i lost all sensation in my legs and an awful lot of movement as a result just under two years ago. i can walk aided for very short distances, i'm an ambulatory wheelchair user. my doctors don't know what caused it but assume it was some form of illness that ate away at muscles and nerves, and no form of physical therapy or any other treatment has done anything. i still do pt 7 days a week.
yesterday, my 2 (16m and 17f) friends and i went to grab coffee and st/roll around the park for a bit. i'm not sure how my disability came up in conversation. f is as understanding as she can be about the situation and is aware that not much can be done to fix it, m is a bit more uneducated. he started asking me if i had tried certain homeopathic methods and when i said that it mightnt be a good idea but i do get acupuncture every few months for stress relief, he said that maybe i'm not trying hard enough to walk for more time to build up muscle in my leg. i explained to him that while muscle is a good thing, i can't feel my legs and that could potentially be dangerous as i could trip on a small child or a dog or catch my leg on something and not notice an injury for hours. after that he accused me of just being lazy and looking for excuses.
i tried my best to stay calm, and asked him to change the topic but he wouldn't. he kept saying stuff about how i need to try harder and that i need to stop looking for excuses. i eventually said to him, "look, m, stop being so fucking ableist and keep your nose out of my business. you're not my doctor".
he's really upset, saying that he's just looking out for me and that he didn't know what he was saying was wrong. f says i might've been a bit harsh on him and that he didn't realise he was hurting my feelings. our other friends are torn between my side and his. aita?
| 837 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l4m4lh/aita_for_calling_my_friend_ableist/
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2021-01-25 11:32:24
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nta. anyone who pushes homeopathy for real medical issues... they're always the asshole.
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nta, you tried to peacefully put an end to the discussion but he pushed it and got mad that you had to end it more forcefully
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nta.
>he said that maybe i'm not trying hard enough
this is a weirdly a common thing to say to people with disabilities, and it's always profoundly offensive. the reality is you have to try much harder than your "friend" to do the simple things he does without effort.
he's "not trying hard enough" to be empathetic.
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nta.
you asked him politely to stf up and he pushed the topic.
getting yelled at is better than making other people uncomfortable at the least for who knows how long before it ends unpleasantly for him.
this is a valuable lesson that he needs to learn sooner rather than later.
giving medical advice without any qualifications is dangerous.
unsolicited opinions are stressful (& a whole lot more negative feelings besides) for the recipient.
it's tactless and rude to discuss people's medical issues unless they initiate the conversation.
people don't necessarily want to discuss these things with their friends and they shouldn't have to.
having a disability is only a small part of us as a whole.
he's absolutely old enough to have learned this a long time ago and just because he's now learned it by getting rightfully yelled at doesn't mean that it isn't an important and overdue lesson.
you did a good thing by teaching him and he has absolutely no reason or excuse to make this about himself and get butthurt.
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nta. your friend sounds like a typical narcissist. he was harassing you, blatantly insulting and cursing at you, and pretending he knew better than you and all your doctors - then becomes indignant when you decide you've had enough harassment. drop that "friend" like a bag of bricks.
ps: "st/roll" is wonderful and i'm absolutely borrowing it!
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nta. next time he complains about literally anything tell him he’s not trying hard enough and he should stop looking for excuses.
are you guys in lockdown? lockdown is a golden opportunity. if he complains about that one, tell him: go for a walk (bonus points if he’s not allowed to), he’s not trying hard enough to be happy, and to stop looking for excuses about why lockdown sucks. then ask him if he’s considered a homeopathic cure for lockdown.
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nta, clearly he's the kind of guy who is a "solver" - who believes that everyone with a disability or illness must be desperately looking for a cure at all times of the day and night and the doctors just need to look into new research like the stuff he's come across on the internet. and if they aren't willing to listen to his halfbaked ramblings, then they're just not trying hard enough.
he might not have realised he was hurting your feelings, but that's more because he wasn't really thinking about your feelings. except maybe for the story in his head where he managed to come up with the answer and was lauded as the guy who figured it all out.
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nta.
>he's really upset, saying that he's just looking out for me and that he didn't know what he was saying was wrong.
what a coincidence, cos youre just looking out for him by telling him when hes being an ableist asshole.
seriously though, you tried many times to politely shut him down, he started full on insulting you by suggesting you use a wheelchair out of laziness. you shut him down, rightly so. i dont see what else you were supposed to do, have a plane write it in the sky with little hearts?
he sounds like an insensitive ass and i would take note of which 'friends' think its somehow ok to treat you like that, so you can invest a bit less in friendships with them.
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nta - you tried to steer the conversation away but he wouldn't budge, and also saying that someone in your position is lazy and not trying hard enough rude af.
i get that it might motivate some people but it still really isn't proper
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nta. telling someone they’re lazy once they’ve rejected a few uninformed suggestions is textbook ablism. good boundary setting, op.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: backstory: i, 17f, had weakness and some numbness in my legs from when i was about 9, it doesn't appear to be a spinal issue as i still have full bladder control and the issue kind of stops around my upper thigh/hip area. i lost all sensation in my legs and an awful lot of movement as a result just under two years ago. i can walk aided for very short distances, i'm an ambulatory wheelchair user. my doctors don't know what caused it but assume it was some form of illness that ate away at muscles and nerves, and no form of physical therapy or any other treatment has done anything. i still do pt 7 days a week. yesterday, my 2 (16m and 17f) friends and i went to grab coffee and st/roll around the park for a bit. i'm not sure how my disability came up in conversation. f is as understanding as she can be about the situation and is aware that not much can be done to fix it, m is a bit more uneducated. he started asking me if i had tried certain homeopathic methods and when i said that it mightnt be a good idea but i do get acupuncture every few months for stress relief, he said that maybe i'm not trying hard enough to walk for more time to build up muscle in my leg. i explained to him that while muscle is a good thing, i can't feel my legs and that could potentially be dangerous as i could trip on a small child or a dog or catch my leg on something and not notice an injury for hours. after that he accused me of just being lazy and looking for excuses. i tried my best to stay calm, and asked him to change the topic but he wouldn't. he kept saying stuff about how i need to try harder and that i need to stop looking for excuses. i eventually said to him, "look, m, stop being so fucking ableist and keep your nose out of my business. you're not my doctor". he's really upset, saying that he's just looking out for me and that he didn't know what he was saying was wrong. f says i might've been a bit harsh on him and that he didn't realise he was hurting my feelings. our other friends are torn between my side and his. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
backstory: i, 17f, had weakness and some numbness in my legs from when i was about 9, it doesn't appear to be a spinal issue as i still have full bladder control and the issue kind of stops around my upper thigh/hip area. i lost all sensation in my legs and an awful lot of movement as a result just under two years ago. i can walk aided for very short distances, i'm an ambulatory wheelchair user. my doctors don't know what caused it but assume it was some form of illness that ate away at muscles and nerves, and no form of physical therapy or any other treatment has done anything. i still do pt 7 days a week. yesterday, my 2 (16m and 17f) friends and i went to grab coffee and st/roll around the park for a bit. i'm not sure how my disability came up in conversation. f is as understanding as she can be about the situation and is aware that not much can be done to fix it, m is a bit more uneducated. he started asking me if i had tried certain homeopathic methods and when i said that it mightnt be a good idea but i do get acupuncture every few months for stress relief, he said that maybe i'm not trying hard enough to walk for more time to build up muscle in my leg. i explained to him that while muscle is a good thing, i can't feel my legs and that could potentially be dangerous as i could trip on a small child or a dog or catch my leg on something and not notice an injury for hours. after that he accused me of just being lazy and looking for excuses. i tried my best to stay calm, and asked him to change the topic but he wouldn't. he kept saying stuff about how i need to try harder and that i need to stop looking for excuses. i eventually said to him, "look, m, stop being so fucking ableist and keep your nose out of my business. you're not my doctor". he's really upset, saying that he's just looking out for me and that he didn't know what he was saying was wrong. f says i might've been a bit harsh on him and that he didn't realise he was hurting my feelings. our other friends are torn between my side and his. aita? [/INST] nta. anyone who pushes homeopathy for real medical issues... they're always the asshole. </s>
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WIBTA for changing my streaming passwords on my roommate/tenant that's leaving?
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i'm spending nearly $100 a month on the ads-free hulu+ ads free live tv/disney+/espn+ bundle, along with netflix & amazon prime. part of that cost was built into my roommate's rent. he's moving out with his girlfriend - no hard feelings. i don't plan on getting a new roommate, and i also would prefer to keep the services.
but, i don't really feel it's fair that i pay for his & his girlfriend's equivalent of ad-free cable tv and streaming forever because he lived here for a while. like, it's one thing to say "hey, i'll pay for netflix and you for hbo max" and everyone saves money, but another to just pay for their stuff in perpetuity, especially when they have a dual-income home, and i won't. my instinct is to change the passwords and cut them off.
am i the asshole?
| 630 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zorufe/wibta_for_changing_my_streaming_passwords_on_my/
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2022-12-18 06:19:37
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nta - i don’t understand why you even consider this a question.
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nta. it was part of his rent and he is moving end of story. just tell him that he will no longer get access to the accounts since he is no longer in the house.
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nta. streaming accounts are part of the household. he's no longer part of the household.
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nta i’d say the cost of his half was “built into the rent” so now he no longer has access to the services. it’s like apartments that have a gym. you move out and you don’t get to keep using the gym. let him know he has x number of days to transfer his profile and access will be shut off on his move out date.
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nah. he leaves, there is no expectation of continued service. if he didn’t complain himself what is the issue?
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for $50 he retains these services...
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nta in january you are going to start getting charged for each account in addition to yours
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nta, change the passwords!! they were paying for it, now they aren't. there's no rule of etiquette that says it's rude to change your netflix password when you part ways with someone.
if you're feeling guilty or weird about it, give them a month and let them know you'll be changing the passwords at the end of the month so they have time to get their own accounts.
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just change the password without telling them. 1. they could try to do something shady or share it with someone else. all of your friends probably have the password and that’s why they think you should leave it the same. nta
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm spending nearly $100 a month on the ads-free hulu+ ads free live tv/disney+/espn+ bundle, along with netflix & amazon prime. part of that cost was built into my roommate's rent. he's moving out with his girlfriend - no hard feelings. i don't plan on getting a new roommate, and i also would prefer to keep the services. but, i don't really feel it's fair that i pay for his & his girlfriend's equivalent of ad-free cable tv and streaming forever because he lived here for a while. like, it's one thing to say "hey, i'll pay for netflix and you for hbo max" and everyone saves money, but another to just pay for their stuff in perpetuity, especially when they have a dual-income home, and i won't. my instinct is to change the passwords and cut them off. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm spending nearly $100 a month on the ads-free hulu+ ads free live tv/disney+/espn+ bundle, along with netflix & amazon prime. part of that cost was built into my roommate's rent. he's moving out with his girlfriend - no hard feelings. i don't plan on getting a new roommate, and i also would prefer to keep the services. but, i don't really feel it's fair that i pay for his & his girlfriend's equivalent of ad-free cable tv and streaming forever because he lived here for a while. like, it's one thing to say "hey, i'll pay for netflix and you for hbo max" and everyone saves money, but another to just pay for their stuff in perpetuity, especially when they have a dual-income home, and i won't. my instinct is to change the passwords and cut them off. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta - i don’t understand why you even consider this a question. </s>
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WIBTA if I told our maid to stop eating my peanut butter?
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my family has a maid that comes daily. she is nice and i have a good relationship with her. she eats the same food as us, has access to the pantry and fridge, etc. we live in a country where is fairly common to have a maid. when i was younger i lived in the us and fell in love with peanut butter, but we don't easily have it here where i live, so when i visit the us i bring the biggest jar i can fit in my suitcase. i got back home from a trip in july and bought a big jar i'm consuming sparingly so it lasts until december when i travel again. but today i notice it's almost all gone! the rest of my family doesn't like it, and the last time i ate some - last week - it was halfway empty only. not it only has a tablespoon left. our maid goes in and out of diets constantly, going from eating almost nothing, to eating everything in sight! the stage she is in right now. and she is eating a lot of the special 'treats' we buy for our home, like chocolate bars and snacks. but i got really upset she ate so much of my peanut butter, and now i don't know if i should breach the subject with her. my mom says i better not say anything and just hide the rest of the jar, and my brother thinks it would be asshole-ish of me to talk to her about it. wibta?
tl;dr peanut butter is a special and rare treat in my house that i eat sparingly and now i find it almost gone. i know our maid ate it. wibta if i confronted her?
| 1,031 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dcjwxt/wibta_if_i_told_our_maid_to_stop_eating_my_peanut/
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2019-10-03 01:21:25
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yta if you “confront” her because you said she usually shares your food so how would she know not to eat the peanut butter? i think it would be ok to nicely ask her not to eat it in the future though because you don’t get it that often.
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yta, you didn't tell her you were saving it and there hasn't been a problem with her eating at your house before. if it's that special, put a label on it or don't leave it in a communal food space.
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nta if you phrase it correctly.
option 1: "hey, that's my peanut butter! stop eating it!"
option 2:" hey, i noticed that my jar of peanut butter is almost gone, and it's really hard to get in our country so i try to save it. nobody else in the family likes it, so i'm guessing you have been eating it? i'm glad you enjoy it! would you like me to get you a jar when i'm in the us next time?"
and if she eats your peanut butter sometimes and you continue to get mad, then yta because it's just peanut butter. you can always get more the next time you travel. but i'm guessing she has much fewer chances to travel and try new things, so let her just have some of your peanut butter for heaven's sake.
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nah. you like peanut butter. your maid likes peanut butter.
you can have a maid but can’t readily get peanut butter?! my american head can’t wrap my head around this.
can we all vote to mail this person and their maid some peanut butter?
george washington carver would never stand for these distribution injustices.
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can't amazon deliver peanut butter everywhere?
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nta if you brought it up to her calmly and respectfully. i guess it depends on your relationship how you want to handle it, but at least explaining to her that it's yours and that you want to make it last because you can't get it is fine.
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you’re not the asshole. that would piss me off; but..just hide it somewhere in your room or something. keep it locked up
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ehhhh a slight yta just because you never specifically told the maid that the pb is off limits. take the jar and put it somewhere where they will no longer have access :)
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info: is she usually allowed to just eat whatever she likes? or are their rules/expectations in place, like she gets to eat meals with the family but that’s it?
if there were already some rules in place, then you’re nta, i’d remind her (kindly) of the food boundaries in place.
if she was never given any sort of guideline for what she was allowed to eat, then nah. i understand why you’d be upset, she definitely should not have eaten so much either way. but if she isn’t given any restrictions as far as what she is welcome to food-wise, then i would just keep your special treats tucked away somewhere. you could just ask her to please leave the peanut butter for you, but some people have little to no self control when it comes to food and she may still chip away at it little by little.
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if there was no special label or marking on it and you make a big deal about it then yes, ywbta. the maid had no way of knowing.
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| 0.799037 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my family has a maid that comes daily. she is nice and i have a good relationship with her. she eats the same food as us, has access to the pantry and fridge, etc. we live in a country where is fairly common to have a maid. when i was younger i lived in the us and fell in love with peanut butter, but we don't easily have it here where i live, so when i visit the us i bring the biggest jar i can fit in my suitcase. i got back home from a trip in july and bought a big jar i'm consuming sparingly so it lasts until december when i travel again. but today i notice it's almost all gone! the rest of my family doesn't like it, and the last time i ate some - last week - it was halfway empty only. not it only has a tablespoon left. our maid goes in and out of diets constantly, going from eating almost nothing, to eating everything in sight! the stage she is in right now. and she is eating a lot of the special 'treats' we buy for our home, like chocolate bars and snacks. but i got really upset she ate so much of my peanut butter, and now i don't know if i should breach the subject with her. my mom says i better not say anything and just hide the rest of the jar, and my brother thinks it would be asshole-ish of me to talk to her about it. wibta? tl;dr peanut butter is a special and rare treat in my house that i eat sparingly and now i find it almost gone. i know our maid ate it. wibta if i confronted her?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my family has a maid that comes daily. she is nice and i have a good relationship with her. she eats the same food as us, has access to the pantry and fridge, etc. we live in a country where is fairly common to have a maid. when i was younger i lived in the us and fell in love with peanut butter, but we don't easily have it here where i live, so when i visit the us i bring the biggest jar i can fit in my suitcase. i got back home from a trip in july and bought a big jar i'm consuming sparingly so it lasts until december when i travel again. but today i notice it's almost all gone! the rest of my family doesn't like it, and the last time i ate some - last week - it was halfway empty only. not it only has a tablespoon left. our maid goes in and out of diets constantly, going from eating almost nothing, to eating everything in sight! the stage she is in right now. and she is eating a lot of the special 'treats' we buy for our home, like chocolate bars and snacks. but i got really upset she ate so much of my peanut butter, and now i don't know if i should breach the subject with her. my mom says i better not say anything and just hide the rest of the jar, and my brother thinks it would be asshole-ish of me to talk to her about it. wibta? tl;dr peanut butter is a special and rare treat in my house that i eat sparingly and now i find it almost gone. i know our maid ate it. wibta if i confronted her? [/INST] yta if you “confront” her because you said she usually shares your food so how would she know not to eat the peanut butter? i think it would be ok to nicely ask her not to eat it in the future though because you don’t get it that often. </s>
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AITA for being friendly with a 16 year old?
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title sounds bad but bear with me.
in my city there are bi-weekly lan parties that i've been attending for about 3 years now. these are open for anyone to come and play with us and there's both regulars and people who come by once or twice and never return. i've been coming to these almost every time they're hosted and consider the regulars to be close friends to the point where we grab dinner and do other stuff regularly outside of these meets.
we were surprised one day when one of the people who wanted to play was a younger girl who's 16 who i'll call jane. there haven't really been any rules in terms of age and people from 15-35 have come. a lot of the people who show up are also women so when jane showed up i didn't really think much of it. everyone just played, talked about the game and it was just another night. she has her older brother pick her up and he even stayed to play a few games. its been a good 7 months since then and shes showed up to every meet save for a few. just like everyone else, i've been friendly, though i don't really talk with her about things outside of the game we play and general chit-chat (stuff going on in the city, other games... "how's life", etc). still i guess i'd call her a friend? it does feel weird calling a 16 year old a friend but acquaintance sounds a bit too cold so its somewhere in-between. although jane's a regular at this point, she doesn't come to any of the stuff that happens outside of the meetups and i don't chat with her outside of these also (besides the group chat for the event).
me and my gf, who i'll call jenna, went to the local electronics store recently cause i've been wanting a new tv and she needed new headphones. while we were browsing around i hear a girl call out "hey, op!" and i turned to find jane there. my side of the conversation went something like "hey, hows it going?", "oh buying a new keyboard? nice", "by the way this is my gf jenna", "me im just here to look at the tvs", "cool, i'll see you around". something i should mention is that while jenna knows about the meetups, i never mentioned jane showing up to them. didn't think it would be important since i never see her outside of the meetups anyways and jenna has never cared about anything or anyone related to it.
after giving me a pretty worried look i explained. jenna seemed like she was upset that i was even friendly to her at the store in the first place, and that a 16 year old girl and a 24 year old guy have no business talking. she said there's no reason for someone that young to be hanging around and playing games with people who are older, and that its creepy that we let her join in the first place. after asking her what she would've wanted me to do at the store, she said i should've just ignored her, walked away somewhere else or only said hi then left, but these are pretty cold to someone you see regularly i feel like. personally i see nothing wrong with any of this so i gotta ask, who's the asshole here?
| 672 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e3t9b7/aita_for_being_friendly_with_a_16_year_old/
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2019-11-30 08:40:14
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nta. it's no different than seeing a friend's kid, or younger sibling, or what have you. gf is being insecure or something.
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nta. your girlfriend is definitely the asshole in this situation. it's not like you're besties or anything with the kid, you guys share a hobby and that's it. you can be amiable with a 16 year old and if you weren't you would just look like a prick.
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nta - if it was a 16 year old boy would it have made a difference to to your girlfriend? people are allowed have friends of all ages. of course people may find it odd but there is nothing inappropriate going on so what's the problem? she may have joined the lan party because none of her school friends play video games and she wanted friends who do. also you were completely in your right to speak to her at the store. it's called being polite
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nta
your gf is ta for being jealous? insecure? over a normal chit chat at some store and suggesting its inappropriate. a teenager hanging out with older people is unusual yes but not inappropriate. and suggesting you ignore the girl? what even in the world.
i'm usually not the one to give relationship advice with judgement but you need to have a serious conversation over this topic op. she may have deeper issues or not understand it fully.
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nta but your girlfriend is. for what you described, there’s nothing wrong with you to talk to her if you bump to each other. you made a point to keep it light and even introduced your girlfriend.
your girlfriend is rude for even suggesting you ignore her or say hi and walk away. if anything, she seems jealous.
i don’t understand your girlfriend’s way of reasoning when she says a 16 yo and a 24 yo have no business talking to each other. that is just wrong. it is in a social context with other people around, not a 1 to 1... and even in a 1 to 1 i still would see much of a problem. is not like you’re engaging in sex or anything like that...
would she make a problem if instead of a 16 yo f was a 16 yo m?
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i never understood this. if you see someone you know, the normal, polite thing to do is say hi and interact with them. you don't have to include them in everything, or ask them to join you, but chatting is pretty standard.
and since she is a regular at these events, why wouldn't you? you see her around, know who she is, etc.
i think people overthink and overreact to something that isn't there, because this isn't a real problem.
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nta.
i used to volunteer when i was 16-19. occasionally i'd bump into one of the older volunteers (around 30yo guy) when i was in town. i was still at secondary (high) school, but he was always happy to stop and chat if we happened to see each other walking down the street.
you're not doing anything wrong by talking to this girl, and definitely not being inappropriate. you have a shared hobby, and exchanged pleasantries when you happened to meet unexpectedly.
in my case, my older friends from volunteering took me for a night out for my 18th birthday weekend. (i went out for a meal with school friends on the actual day.) i retook a year at school, so friends who were 18 were preparing for a level exams, and people in my classes that year were a year younger than me. (uk, so 18 is the drinking age.) one thing that did annoy me on my birthday night out, was when i was dancing with the 30yo guy i volunteered with and some random guy who didn't know us called him disgusting. like dude, i'm having my first night out drinking with some friends who happen to be older, but who are totally looking after me the whole time and one of whom i shared a cab home with. there was no subtext. yes i was dancing with a guy who was 30, but he had no intentions towards me whatsoever. honestly, i know that random dude probably thought he was saving me from some creep taking advantage of a young girl, but all that actually happened was that he butted in on us enjoying ourselves with an unsolicited opinion, without knowing the context at all. i frankly felt safer dancing with that friend rather than with some random stranger *because* i knew full well that that was all it was.
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nta
jenna is probably concerned that your friendship with jane could be misconstrued.
she is also being unthinkingly sexist as our culture pushes teh weird ides that games and gaming is a boy thing despit ethere being as many girls that play games (its a human thing \^\^). the suggestion that you 'should not let' jane come to a lan is outrageous. the suggestion taht you should not have a normal human interaction with another person just because she is female is outrageous.
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wouldn't a public place like a store be the most appropriate and safest place for an adult to give a teenager advice/mentoring or have a basic, polite conversation?
it's really sad that adults almost can't coach or mentor kids or teenagers anymore. parents and teachers don't necessarily know about everything that kids will be interested in. if a kid has to be limited to only what only parents or teachers can teach them, that's really limiting.
yes, there are creeps. but there are also adults who love a certain hobby and want to share it with anyone who is also interested in it. it's a scary world if the creeps really do outnumber the well-intended adults.
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nta.
i don´t see a problem with two people being nice to each other, regardless of age. if, say, a 60 year old man spent some time entertaining a toddler in a stroller or something, i doubt anyone would mind. just an old person and a young person having a good time together.
but apparently, when the age gap is too small, it becomes an issue for some people. i once got yelled at for helping a young girl reach a toy in a very high shelf at a store, for example. at first i thought her mom had told her that she couldn´t have it, but then they took the toy and stormed off.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: title sounds bad but bear with me. in my city there are bi-weekly lan parties that i've been attending for about 3 years now. these are open for anyone to come and play with us and there's both regulars and people who come by once or twice and never return. i've been coming to these almost every time they're hosted and consider the regulars to be close friends to the point where we grab dinner and do other stuff regularly outside of these meets. we were surprised one day when one of the people who wanted to play was a younger girl who's 16 who i'll call jane. there haven't really been any rules in terms of age and people from 15-35 have come. a lot of the people who show up are also women so when jane showed up i didn't really think much of it. everyone just played, talked about the game and it was just another night. she has her older brother pick her up and he even stayed to play a few games. its been a good 7 months since then and shes showed up to every meet save for a few. just like everyone else, i've been friendly, though i don't really talk with her about things outside of the game we play and general chit-chat (stuff going on in the city, other games... "how's life", etc). still i guess i'd call her a friend? it does feel weird calling a 16 year old a friend but acquaintance sounds a bit too cold so its somewhere in-between. although jane's a regular at this point, she doesn't come to any of the stuff that happens outside of the meetups and i don't chat with her outside of these also (besides the group chat for the event). me and my gf, who i'll call jenna, went to the local electronics store recently cause i've been wanting a new tv and she needed new headphones. while we were browsing around i hear a girl call out "hey, op!" and i turned to find jane there. my side of the conversation went something like "hey, hows it going?", "oh buying a new keyboard? nice", "by the way this is my gf jenna", "me im just here to look at the tvs", "cool, i'll see you around". something i should mention is that while jenna knows about the meetups, i never mentioned jane showing up to them. didn't think it would be important since i never see her outside of the meetups anyways and jenna has never cared about anything or anyone related to it. after giving me a pretty worried look i explained. jenna seemed like she was upset that i was even friendly to her at the store in the first place, and that a 16 year old girl and a 24 year old guy have no business talking. she said there's no reason for someone that young to be hanging around and playing games with people who are older, and that its creepy that we let her join in the first place. after asking her what she would've wanted me to do at the store, she said i should've just ignored her, walked away somewhere else or only said hi then left, but these are pretty cold to someone you see regularly i feel like. personally i see nothing wrong with any of this so i gotta ask, who's the asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
title sounds bad but bear with me. in my city there are bi-weekly lan parties that i've been attending for about 3 years now. these are open for anyone to come and play with us and there's both regulars and people who come by once or twice and never return. i've been coming to these almost every time they're hosted and consider the regulars to be close friends to the point where we grab dinner and do other stuff regularly outside of these meets. we were surprised one day when one of the people who wanted to play was a younger girl who's 16 who i'll call jane. there haven't really been any rules in terms of age and people from 15-35 have come. a lot of the people who show up are also women so when jane showed up i didn't really think much of it. everyone just played, talked about the game and it was just another night. she has her older brother pick her up and he even stayed to play a few games. its been a good 7 months since then and shes showed up to every meet save for a few. just like everyone else, i've been friendly, though i don't really talk with her about things outside of the game we play and general chit-chat (stuff going on in the city, other games... "how's life", etc). still i guess i'd call her a friend? it does feel weird calling a 16 year old a friend but acquaintance sounds a bit too cold so its somewhere in-between. although jane's a regular at this point, she doesn't come to any of the stuff that happens outside of the meetups and i don't chat with her outside of these also (besides the group chat for the event). me and my gf, who i'll call jenna, went to the local electronics store recently cause i've been wanting a new tv and she needed new headphones. while we were browsing around i hear a girl call out "hey, op!" and i turned to find jane there. my side of the conversation went something like "hey, hows it going?", "oh buying a new keyboard? nice", "by the way this is my gf jenna", "me im just here to look at the tvs", "cool, i'll see you around". something i should mention is that while jenna knows about the meetups, i never mentioned jane showing up to them. didn't think it would be important since i never see her outside of the meetups anyways and jenna has never cared about anything or anyone related to it. after giving me a pretty worried look i explained. jenna seemed like she was upset that i was even friendly to her at the store in the first place, and that a 16 year old girl and a 24 year old guy have no business talking. she said there's no reason for someone that young to be hanging around and playing games with people who are older, and that its creepy that we let her join in the first place. after asking her what she would've wanted me to do at the store, she said i should've just ignored her, walked away somewhere else or only said hi then left, but these are pretty cold to someone you see regularly i feel like. personally i see nothing wrong with any of this so i gotta ask, who's the asshole here? [/INST] nta. it's no different than seeing a friend's kid, or younger sibling, or what have you. gf is being insecure or something. </s>
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AITA for cussing out my dad after he forgot my age and now he won't pay for college?
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backstory- my dad is rich. vice president of a whole corporation of brokers rich, built a new million dollar house during a pandemic rich. not saying money does not matter, but he's doing pretty well. he left my mom, brother , and i in 2008 and has been a weekend parent occasionally, but the majority of his responsibility as a parent came down to child support. i am now a junior in college and he pays my tuition and rent for an apartment. it is in-state tuition with scholarships and about $500/ month total for rent and electricity. my grandparents also only live a 3 hour car ride away and come visit us about once a month, twice if there's a holiday. okay that should be enough to put everything into perspective.
so, saturday happened. i had a study group for an evolutionary biology exam switch from sunday to saturday, it is now final's week for my university, so i spent my weekend studying. unfortunately, i had forgotten my grandma and grandpa were in town and i had agreed to dinner saturday night. when my dad was told i couldn't make it, he flipped. my brother who attended the dinner said he had never seen him like this. my grandma offered to save me some dessert and he shouted "no" across the table.
i had pulled an all nighter and missed my shift the next morning nannying for a family i have worked with for 6 years. no big deal as she completely understood, but i received a phone call from my dad screaming at me about how irresponsible i am. (i am graduating early with my b.s. in biochem and was accepted into med school) well that set me off. especially since he was not around to be a physical parent and truly knows so little about my day to day life. it made me furious that he would call me "irresponsible". he went on to prove my point when he said "you're almost 18 years old, get it together". i am not 17 and i have not been for 4 years so i screamed back "thanks for trying to be a parent for the first time in \*\*\*\***21 years**, since you don't even know how f\*\*king old i am". whoops. apparently that was "below the belt" to some people, but to me it is the truth?
he is now threatening to end my lease this summer and leave me without a place to live and finish my last semester of college. it feels like he's been waiting for any moment to shed his last bit of responsibility for me. i am not prepared for this financial burden. on top of nannying all semester, i am a teaching assistant, golf course bar cart girl, and oral surgery assistant. all of the money i've made and saved so far is for medical school. i know how people feel about being financially dependent on a parent as an adult, so i am curious, aita for cussing out my dad when he forgot my age?
tl:dr my dad got mad i didn't go to a family dinner, we argued, and now he won't pay for my tuition or rent next year.
| 1,699 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n4pun4/aita_for_cussing_out_my_dad_after_he_forgot_my/
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2021-05-04 14:35:36
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nta, your dad couldn't even remember your age. that's ridiculous.
but... it probably would've been better just to appease him, because that's a lot of money that you lost. yes, he was an asshole, but he was an asshole who gave you money.
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nta i would have responded the same way. however, the problem with someone else paying your way is that they can change their mind at any time. and of course your dad would be an a h for doing so, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s his money and he can do what he wants with it.
my dad is by no means rich but was a little better off than my mom. he used to hold over my head all the things he paid for. i promise you, the sooner you cut those purse strings, the freer you will feel in life. it might take a little longer to get where you were planning on going, but it will be all yours, no strings attached.
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this is a 'you can be right or you can be happy' moment...nta but why be so self distructuve about this? what did you think he will do? especially given his overall attitude towards you
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nta i don't think you're an ah for being hurt that your own father forgot how old you are and seemingly flew off the handle at you for something that was ultimately you making the **responsible** choice in the moment. you chose your studies over dinner out, and while family is important you are studying for really important exams at a critical point in your education.
it was a lose-lose for you, either don't go to your study group for an important exam or miss your family time. you chose the thing that would be best for your future in the long term.
also, f\*\*\* education costs man. 4 jobs and you're still not financially comfortable enough? that's ridiculous. the system is insane.
all this said, i'm sure you've gathered from other comments this much, but your father was ultimately the provider and you screamed at him. he has the right to withdraw his money if he wants, even if he is an ah. if you can bring yourself to 'apologise' to him (even though it's unfair) maybe he will change his mind. otherwise you will have to figure out financial independence for next year.
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esh. for one, sorry, but you *were* being very irresponsible. you missed your grandparent's ~~birthday~~ dinner that you promised to attend because "you forgot" and you slept through a work shift where someone was relying on you for childcare. to be blunt, "i have a test" is a pretty weak excuse for your own poor time management. also, if you are financially reliant on someone, sometimes it's worth it to just put up with their shit for the sake of that. $500 a month, plus tuition (which is probably considerably more than that) is a lot to throw away in the name of just "standing up for yourself." yeah, obviously they sound awful, but you had a lot more to lose than they did in this scenario, especially if you think they were just "looking for a reason" to cut you out anyway.
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info: is the only reason your father continued paying for things because he thought you were younger and he was obligated to do so?
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nta
you made a miscalculation by fighting back. go enlist your grandparents helps to stop your dad from pulling support until you graduate.
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esh. your dad sucks but you bit the hand the feeds you over something insignificant. seems like you didn't consider the consequences of that and now your frightened of /actually/ having to become independent.
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[deleted]
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ytda - you're the dumbass who can't keep their mouth shut. are you technically correct? sure. was it worth the price? sure as hell seems not.
also, you should know that all-nighters actually *decrease* performance on exams, due to exhaustion and sleep deprivation, and don't improve your ability to retain information at all. so you're doubly a dumbass. red foreman wants to shove his boot up your ass.
also, as far as asshole judgements go... esh. your dad is an ass, that doesn't need explaining. but you were also rude and an asshole. two assholes don't cancel each other out, they just make the world three times as shitty.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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INFO
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
ESH
| 0.260793 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: backstory- my dad is rich. vice president of a whole corporation of brokers rich, built a new million dollar house during a pandemic rich. not saying money does not matter, but he's doing pretty well. he left my mom, brother , and i in 2008 and has been a weekend parent occasionally, but the majority of his responsibility as a parent came down to child support. i am now a junior in college and he pays my tuition and rent for an apartment. it is in-state tuition with scholarships and about $500/ month total for rent and electricity. my grandparents also only live a 3 hour car ride away and come visit us about once a month, twice if there's a holiday. okay that should be enough to put everything into perspective. so, saturday happened. i had a study group for an evolutionary biology exam switch from sunday to saturday, it is now final's week for my university, so i spent my weekend studying. unfortunately, i had forgotten my grandma and grandpa were in town and i had agreed to dinner saturday night. when my dad was told i couldn't make it, he flipped. my brother who attended the dinner said he had never seen him like this. my grandma offered to save me some dessert and he shouted "no" across the table. i had pulled an all nighter and missed my shift the next morning nannying for a family i have worked with for 6 years. no big deal as she completely understood, but i received a phone call from my dad screaming at me about how irresponsible i am. (i am graduating early with my b.s. in biochem and was accepted into med school) well that set me off. especially since he was not around to be a physical parent and truly knows so little about my day to day life. it made me furious that he would call me "irresponsible". he went on to prove my point when he said "you're almost 18 years old, get it together". i am not 17 and i have not been for 4 years so i screamed back "thanks for trying to be a parent for the first time in \*\*\*\***21 years**, since you don't even know how f\*\*king old i am". whoops. apparently that was "below the belt" to some people, but to me it is the truth? he is now threatening to end my lease this summer and leave me without a place to live and finish my last semester of college. it feels like he's been waiting for any moment to shed his last bit of responsibility for me. i am not prepared for this financial burden. on top of nannying all semester, i am a teaching assistant, golf course bar cart girl, and oral surgery assistant. all of the money i've made and saved so far is for medical school. i know how people feel about being financially dependent on a parent as an adult, so i am curious, aita for cussing out my dad when he forgot my age? tl:dr my dad got mad i didn't go to a family dinner, we argued, and now he won't pay for my tuition or rent next year.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
backstory- my dad is rich. vice president of a whole corporation of brokers rich, built a new million dollar house during a pandemic rich. not saying money does not matter, but he's doing pretty well. he left my mom, brother , and i in 2008 and has been a weekend parent occasionally, but the majority of his responsibility as a parent came down to child support. i am now a junior in college and he pays my tuition and rent for an apartment. it is in-state tuition with scholarships and about $500/ month total for rent and electricity. my grandparents also only live a 3 hour car ride away and come visit us about once a month, twice if there's a holiday. okay that should be enough to put everything into perspective. so, saturday happened. i had a study group for an evolutionary biology exam switch from sunday to saturday, it is now final's week for my university, so i spent my weekend studying. unfortunately, i had forgotten my grandma and grandpa were in town and i had agreed to dinner saturday night. when my dad was told i couldn't make it, he flipped. my brother who attended the dinner said he had never seen him like this. my grandma offered to save me some dessert and he shouted "no" across the table. i had pulled an all nighter and missed my shift the next morning nannying for a family i have worked with for 6 years. no big deal as she completely understood, but i received a phone call from my dad screaming at me about how irresponsible i am. (i am graduating early with my b.s. in biochem and was accepted into med school) well that set me off. especially since he was not around to be a physical parent and truly knows so little about my day to day life. it made me furious that he would call me "irresponsible". he went on to prove my point when he said "you're almost 18 years old, get it together". i am not 17 and i have not been for 4 years so i screamed back "thanks for trying to be a parent for the first time in \*\*\*\***21 years**, since you don't even know how f\*\*king old i am". whoops. apparently that was "below the belt" to some people, but to me it is the truth? he is now threatening to end my lease this summer and leave me without a place to live and finish my last semester of college. it feels like he's been waiting for any moment to shed his last bit of responsibility for me. i am not prepared for this financial burden. on top of nannying all semester, i am a teaching assistant, golf course bar cart girl, and oral surgery assistant. all of the money i've made and saved so far is for medical school. i know how people feel about being financially dependent on a parent as an adult, so i am curious, aita for cussing out my dad when he forgot my age? tl:dr my dad got mad i didn't go to a family dinner, we argued, and now he won't pay for my tuition or rent next year. [/INST] nta, your dad couldn't even remember your age. that's ridiculous. but... it probably would've been better just to appease him, because that's a lot of money that you lost. yes, he was an asshole, but he was an asshole who gave you money. </s>
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WIBTA if I threatened to report my boss to the police?
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i (18m) work at a takeaway establishment and on friday (our busiest night) accepted two £50 notes from two separate customers. we have a system to check if notes are fraudulent (it's a light that you hover the note under and if it's real a certain colour appears) which i did and the notes appeared real.
on saturday, my co-worker (29m) revealed that we had reason to believe both notes were fake, and we were no longer going to accept £50 notes a result. i apologised and explained my reasoning behind accepting the notes and we agreed that i should be more careful in future.
everyone gets paid cash in hand on saturday evenings but when i received my wages i noticed that one of the suspected fraudulent notes had been given to me. this accounted for half of my weekly wage.
i asked to speak to our boss (approx.50m) about this, and he informed me that i had to take the note and if i thought it was fake that i should take it to the bank on monday and if it was fake he "would see what he could do". we argued for around 5 minutes and i eventually conceded.
when i got home, i googled what to do when paid with fraudulent money and i was told i should go to the police. however, i don't want to cause problems with my boss (although i leave next saturday to go to uni).
i want to speak to him again, and tell him he can either give me my wages with real money or i will go to the police and tell them that he tried to pay me with fake money. would this make me the asshole given that we had already discussed what to do with the money?
| 299 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/irmc8k/wibta_if_i_threatened_to_report_my_boss_to_the/
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2020-09-12 22:36:31
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nta if the note is actually fraudulent. definitely get it checked before going to the police because ywbta if you accuse your boss of something like that and the note is real. if he thinks it is fake that’s extremely petty and if you’re leaving this job for uni anyways i would 100% do it. your boss is an arse. good luck at uni!
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info: did your boss know that the note he gave you was the fraudulent one?
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nta go to the police. its great that you won't have repercussions regarding your employment because you are leaving. you might save another poor soul from the same fate down the road though. report his sorry ass.
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nta. he’s paying you with money he believes is fake, whereas you believed it to be real when you accepted it.
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you will end up visiting the police regardless. if he knows its a fake he deserves the involvement sooner rather than later.
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nta - go to the police. another term for what he’s doing would be considered laundering; he’s making money by fraudulent and concealed means by circulating the fake money out and hence making real money out of the situation.
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nta. if the note wasn't good enough for him to keep in his own circulated funds, then it shouldn't be good enough for you. go to the police.
i guarantee he wouldn't think twice about ripping off an employee if it saves him money.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (18m) work at a takeaway establishment and on friday (our busiest night) accepted two £50 notes from two separate customers. we have a system to check if notes are fraudulent (it's a light that you hover the note under and if it's real a certain colour appears) which i did and the notes appeared real. on saturday, my co-worker (29m) revealed that we had reason to believe both notes were fake, and we were no longer going to accept £50 notes a result. i apologised and explained my reasoning behind accepting the notes and we agreed that i should be more careful in future. everyone gets paid cash in hand on saturday evenings but when i received my wages i noticed that one of the suspected fraudulent notes had been given to me. this accounted for half of my weekly wage. i asked to speak to our boss (approx.50m) about this, and he informed me that i had to take the note and if i thought it was fake that i should take it to the bank on monday and if it was fake he "would see what he could do". we argued for around 5 minutes and i eventually conceded. when i got home, i googled what to do when paid with fraudulent money and i was told i should go to the police. however, i don't want to cause problems with my boss (although i leave next saturday to go to uni). i want to speak to him again, and tell him he can either give me my wages with real money or i will go to the police and tell them that he tried to pay me with fake money. would this make me the asshole given that we had already discussed what to do with the money?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (18m) work at a takeaway establishment and on friday (our busiest night) accepted two £50 notes from two separate customers. we have a system to check if notes are fraudulent (it's a light that you hover the note under and if it's real a certain colour appears) which i did and the notes appeared real. on saturday, my co-worker (29m) revealed that we had reason to believe both notes were fake, and we were no longer going to accept £50 notes a result. i apologised and explained my reasoning behind accepting the notes and we agreed that i should be more careful in future. everyone gets paid cash in hand on saturday evenings but when i received my wages i noticed that one of the suspected fraudulent notes had been given to me. this accounted for half of my weekly wage. i asked to speak to our boss (approx.50m) about this, and he informed me that i had to take the note and if i thought it was fake that i should take it to the bank on monday and if it was fake he "would see what he could do". we argued for around 5 minutes and i eventually conceded. when i got home, i googled what to do when paid with fraudulent money and i was told i should go to the police. however, i don't want to cause problems with my boss (although i leave next saturday to go to uni). i want to speak to him again, and tell him he can either give me my wages with real money or i will go to the police and tell them that he tried to pay me with fake money. would this make me the asshole given that we had already discussed what to do with the money? [/INST] nta if the note is actually fraudulent. definitely get it checked before going to the police because ywbta if you accuse your boss of something like that and the note is real. if he thinks it is fake that’s extremely petty and if you’re leaving this job for uni anyways i would 100% do it. your boss is an arse. good luck at uni! </s>
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AITA for refusing to edit my mum's novel?
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i'm 17 going on 18. my mum writes novels and it's been my job to edit them (spelling, punctuation, grammar, sentence structure and even literary content) since i was 12. so far i've edited 5 of her books and now she wants me to edit a 6th.
editing is a time-consuming, intense process (the last book i edited was about 600 pages) in which i have to sit at the computer correcting errors, chopping up run-on sentences, and being asked for literary critique by my mum, who insists on watching me the entire time to make sure i don't change anything she doesn't want changed. when i was younger i didn't mind it because i was very obedient and if my mum told me to do something, i'd do it. also the books are somewhat interesting. but now i've decided that i have better things to do with my time.
my mum refuses to have anyone but me edit her work (when i go to university the job will go to my younger sister). this is because
1. she is paranoid about people plagiarising her work (she expects me to keep her writing a secret from everyone i know, and has interrogated me a few times as to whether i've been leaking the manuscripts, which of course i haven't)
2. she doesn't want to have to pay someone to do it (i've not been paid for my work, instead my mum treats it as a sort of family duty)
3. (as far as i know) she doesn't have any friends or acquaintances who could do it instead of me
for these same reasons, among others, she self-publishes her work, and it's also my job to make the book covers and do the formatting. (she isn't very tech savvy, and it seems as though she can't be bothered to improve as long as i'm there to do things for her.)
i've tried to tell her that i don't want to do all this any more, but she doesn't seem to be giving me a choice. she keeps saying that i did a lacklustre job on the 5th book (i was already becoming disinterested around then) and she expects me to do a better job on the 6th. she also says that i should do it out of gratitude for all the things she's done for me. according to her, editing benefits me by helping me improve my own writing (it did, but not to the extent she claims; i was already a competent writer before i started editing), and enabling me to understand great literature (she has a rather inflated view of her own writing; i don't think it's as profound and revolutionary as she thinks, or that it compares to dickens and shakespeare as she's said in the past).
am i obliged to keep doing this as my mum seems to think? aita?
| 172 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l5ck1a/aita_for_refusing_to_edit_my_mums_novel/
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2021-01-26 11:57:50
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nta. introduce your mom to the wonder of grammarly software.
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nta: you're too old to be doing this labor for her without getting paid and it's laughable that she had a 12 yr old edit her previous works (no offense intended). you're not obligated to rewrite a book just because you're her child, especially if she's going to blame the quality of the final product on you down the road.
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* why doesn't your mom publish on amazon, patreon, or book funnel?
* why doesn't your mom use copyright laws as protection?
* does she use a computer with word or something similar?
* do these books provide an income stream and if so is it enough to support your family?
* being an editor is an important and normally paying job. it sounds like you do more than just editing and deserve a co-author position and an entitlement to royalties.
* the us has labor laws, your mom would be in violation.
btw nta
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oh lordy. as someone who has uhhhh... had the joy... of editing a parent's books, i feel for you so hard. i got pulled in because my other parent was stressed about all the money being paid out for various book-related services, and i didn't want them stressed, so... sigh.
there's nothing like reading a parent's sex scenes and suddenly wondering how they managed to have multiple children.
anyway, nta. you don't need to be 'grateful' for everything your mother's done for you, because that was literally the job she voluntarily took on when she decided to have children. but if you do decide to do it to keep the peace, check out microsoft editor, if you have access to it. might cut down the workload a fair bit.
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nta
do you know how much money book editors make? how much cover designers get? you are young and need your own life. helping out every so often is one thing but this is not cool at all, family or not. what's more if she self publishers and is not making money on it or paying you, you are not even helping out a family business but being forced into participating in her hobby.
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info does she pay you and provide the appropriate credit for you editing and illustration work?
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
|
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null | null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 17 going on 18. my mum writes novels and it's been my job to edit them (spelling, punctuation, grammar, sentence structure and even literary content) since i was 12. so far i've edited 5 of her books and now she wants me to edit a 6th. editing is a time-consuming, intense process (the last book i edited was about 600 pages) in which i have to sit at the computer correcting errors, chopping up run-on sentences, and being asked for literary critique by my mum, who insists on watching me the entire time to make sure i don't change anything she doesn't want changed. when i was younger i didn't mind it because i was very obedient and if my mum told me to do something, i'd do it. also the books are somewhat interesting. but now i've decided that i have better things to do with my time. my mum refuses to have anyone but me edit her work (when i go to university the job will go to my younger sister). this is because 1. she is paranoid about people plagiarising her work (she expects me to keep her writing a secret from everyone i know, and has interrogated me a few times as to whether i've been leaking the manuscripts, which of course i haven't) 2. she doesn't want to have to pay someone to do it (i've not been paid for my work, instead my mum treats it as a sort of family duty) 3. (as far as i know) she doesn't have any friends or acquaintances who could do it instead of me for these same reasons, among others, she self-publishes her work, and it's also my job to make the book covers and do the formatting. (she isn't very tech savvy, and it seems as though she can't be bothered to improve as long as i'm there to do things for her.) i've tried to tell her that i don't want to do all this any more, but she doesn't seem to be giving me a choice. she keeps saying that i did a lacklustre job on the 5th book (i was already becoming disinterested around then) and she expects me to do a better job on the 6th. she also says that i should do it out of gratitude for all the things she's done for me. according to her, editing benefits me by helping me improve my own writing (it did, but not to the extent she claims; i was already a competent writer before i started editing), and enabling me to understand great literature (she has a rather inflated view of her own writing; i don't think it's as profound and revolutionary as she thinks, or that it compares to dickens and shakespeare as she's said in the past). am i obliged to keep doing this as my mum seems to think? aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm 17 going on 18. my mum writes novels and it's been my job to edit them (spelling, punctuation, grammar, sentence structure and even literary content) since i was 12. so far i've edited 5 of her books and now she wants me to edit a 6th. editing is a time-consuming, intense process (the last book i edited was about 600 pages) in which i have to sit at the computer correcting errors, chopping up run-on sentences, and being asked for literary critique by my mum, who insists on watching me the entire time to make sure i don't change anything she doesn't want changed. when i was younger i didn't mind it because i was very obedient and if my mum told me to do something, i'd do it. also the books are somewhat interesting. but now i've decided that i have better things to do with my time. my mum refuses to have anyone but me edit her work (when i go to university the job will go to my younger sister). this is because 1. she is paranoid about people plagiarising her work (she expects me to keep her writing a secret from everyone i know, and has interrogated me a few times as to whether i've been leaking the manuscripts, which of course i haven't) 2. she doesn't want to have to pay someone to do it (i've not been paid for my work, instead my mum treats it as a sort of family duty) 3. (as far as i know) she doesn't have any friends or acquaintances who could do it instead of me for these same reasons, among others, she self-publishes her work, and it's also my job to make the book covers and do the formatting. (she isn't very tech savvy, and it seems as though she can't be bothered to improve as long as i'm there to do things for her.) i've tried to tell her that i don't want to do all this any more, but she doesn't seem to be giving me a choice. she keeps saying that i did a lacklustre job on the 5th book (i was already becoming disinterested around then) and she expects me to do a better job on the 6th. she also says that i should do it out of gratitude for all the things she's done for me. according to her, editing benefits me by helping me improve my own writing (it did, but not to the extent she claims; i was already a competent writer before i started editing), and enabling me to understand great literature (she has a rather inflated view of her own writing; i don't think it's as profound and revolutionary as she thinks, or that it compares to dickens and shakespeare as she's said in the past). am i obliged to keep doing this as my mum seems to think? aita? [/INST] nta. introduce your mom to the wonder of grammarly software. </s>
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AITA for accusing my dad of faking his illness?
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throwaway.
a few weeks ago, my dad got into a minor car accident while he was visiting me from out of town. everyone involved is alright, however, my dad did sprain his wrist. he was already staying with us, but my girlfriend, “tara,” suggested that he stay a little longer to fully recover. he’s also caught a mild flu from somewhere.
at first, i was perfectly okay with this arrangement. it could give my dad more time to properly recover and explore the city if he wanted to. i think my dad likes tara and they get along really well. my dad was happy, tara was happy, so i was happy.
before my dad sustained his injury, he was capable of doing basic tasks around the house. however, now, he requires tara’s help (and only tara’s help) to do simple tasks. for example, he complains that he can’t turn on the tv because “his arm hurts,” (even though the cast is now off) or he can’t get his glasses (that are literally on the table) because “he’s too sick to move.” he’ll disturb tara, while she’s working, to to complete another trivial task. tara insists that though she may be slightly bothered, he’s only acting like this because he’s older and recovering. against my judgement, tara does not want me to intervene.
about two days ago, tara was taking a small nap on the couch. she’s been exhausted this past week (not necessarily because of my dad, but i’m sure that he’s not helping) and i thought it was important that she rest. my dad shook her awake and asked her to go prepare him some tea. tara, probably foggy from her nap, told him that she’d do it later - but he insisted that he wanted it now.
though i was annoyed that he woke up tara, i offered to make him tea. instead of letting tara go back to sleep, he said that i couldn’t do it because “she does it better.” i asked him why he couldn’t make his own tea, but he said that he’s “too sifk,” and still processing the incident.
this really pissed me off. from what i can tell, he’s fine. his cast has been removed, and the only thing he’s really got is the sniffles. i looked him dead in the eye and told him that unless he stops “weaponising” his illness, i will not allow him back into the house.
for a while, he was protesting but eventually he packed his stuff and left. i thought i made the right decision, but tara tells me that it may look like i was downplaying or insensitive towards his incidents.
aita?
| 420 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uiy35n/aita_for_accusing_my_dad_of_faking_his_illness/
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2022-05-05 13:59:48
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nta… are your parents divorced, because i see why.
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nta
if he was well enough to wake up your gf he's well enough to make his own tea and care for himself. the telltale sign he was milking the arrangement was how quickly he was able to pack and leave on his own.
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nta even if he was still wasn’t feeling better his obsession with your girlfriend is at best weird as fuck and at worst creepy/obsessive
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nta
if i truly need help doing something, it doesn't matter who helps me. my parents, my partners, my coworkers, a stranger -- i'll be grateful for the assistance.
even if your dad really did need someone to make him tea (which given that he was able to walk over to your gf and shake her awake i highly doubt) his insistence that she be the one to do it is extremely inappropriate. even more so when she was clearly resting. he is at best the ah, and at worst, a predator/creep. good call sending him out the door.
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nta i'm honestly wondering if he was just exaggerating things because he was attracted to tara
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nta. i think you were right in telling him he can’t keep “weaponizing” his illness (if he is still unwell, that is) against you and especially tara, given he’s taking advantage of her kindness and hospitality. if he’s well enough to pester your girlfriend for tea, as well as pack and leave so quickly, he’s well enough to complete small tasks himself.
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nta, does this fit with his personality or maybe he was surprised how much he enjoyed the company and attention?
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nta and tara is a saint
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nta. you did the right thing. if tara kept enabling him like that, it would have been very hard to get him to leave. good for you for calling him out on his crap and tearing off the metaphorical band aid.
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nta your dad sounds like he wanted a servant and was taking advantage of tara’s kindness. glad you didn’t allow that to continue.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway. a few weeks ago, my dad got into a minor car accident while he was visiting me from out of town. everyone involved is alright, however, my dad did sprain his wrist. he was already staying with us, but my girlfriend, “tara,” suggested that he stay a little longer to fully recover. he’s also caught a mild flu from somewhere. at first, i was perfectly okay with this arrangement. it could give my dad more time to properly recover and explore the city if he wanted to. i think my dad likes tara and they get along really well. my dad was happy, tara was happy, so i was happy. before my dad sustained his injury, he was capable of doing basic tasks around the house. however, now, he requires tara’s help (and only tara’s help) to do simple tasks. for example, he complains that he can’t turn on the tv because “his arm hurts,” (even though the cast is now off) or he can’t get his glasses (that are literally on the table) because “he’s too sick to move.” he’ll disturb tara, while she’s working, to to complete another trivial task. tara insists that though she may be slightly bothered, he’s only acting like this because he’s older and recovering. against my judgement, tara does not want me to intervene. about two days ago, tara was taking a small nap on the couch. she’s been exhausted this past week (not necessarily because of my dad, but i’m sure that he’s not helping) and i thought it was important that she rest. my dad shook her awake and asked her to go prepare him some tea. tara, probably foggy from her nap, told him that she’d do it later - but he insisted that he wanted it now. though i was annoyed that he woke up tara, i offered to make him tea. instead of letting tara go back to sleep, he said that i couldn’t do it because “she does it better.” i asked him why he couldn’t make his own tea, but he said that he’s “too sifk,” and still processing the incident. this really pissed me off. from what i can tell, he’s fine. his cast has been removed, and the only thing he’s really got is the sniffles. i looked him dead in the eye and told him that unless he stops “weaponising” his illness, i will not allow him back into the house. for a while, he was protesting but eventually he packed his stuff and left. i thought i made the right decision, but tara tells me that it may look like i was downplaying or insensitive towards his incidents. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway. a few weeks ago, my dad got into a minor car accident while he was visiting me from out of town. everyone involved is alright, however, my dad did sprain his wrist. he was already staying with us, but my girlfriend, “tara,” suggested that he stay a little longer to fully recover. he’s also caught a mild flu from somewhere. at first, i was perfectly okay with this arrangement. it could give my dad more time to properly recover and explore the city if he wanted to. i think my dad likes tara and they get along really well. my dad was happy, tara was happy, so i was happy. before my dad sustained his injury, he was capable of doing basic tasks around the house. however, now, he requires tara’s help (and only tara’s help) to do simple tasks. for example, he complains that he can’t turn on the tv because “his arm hurts,” (even though the cast is now off) or he can’t get his glasses (that are literally on the table) because “he’s too sick to move.” he’ll disturb tara, while she’s working, to to complete another trivial task. tara insists that though she may be slightly bothered, he’s only acting like this because he’s older and recovering. against my judgement, tara does not want me to intervene. about two days ago, tara was taking a small nap on the couch. she’s been exhausted this past week (not necessarily because of my dad, but i’m sure that he’s not helping) and i thought it was important that she rest. my dad shook her awake and asked her to go prepare him some tea. tara, probably foggy from her nap, told him that she’d do it later - but he insisted that he wanted it now. though i was annoyed that he woke up tara, i offered to make him tea. instead of letting tara go back to sleep, he said that i couldn’t do it because “she does it better.” i asked him why he couldn’t make his own tea, but he said that he’s “too sifk,” and still processing the incident. this really pissed me off. from what i can tell, he’s fine. his cast has been removed, and the only thing he’s really got is the sniffles. i looked him dead in the eye and told him that unless he stops “weaponising” his illness, i will not allow him back into the house. for a while, he was protesting but eventually he packed his stuff and left. i thought i made the right decision, but tara tells me that it may look like i was downplaying or insensitive towards his incidents. aita? [/INST] nta… are your parents divorced, because i see why. </s>
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WIBTA if I let my bf move into a shared home or evict my sister?
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i (late 20s f) currently live with my sister (mid 20s f). when we started living together i was single, but now i have a bf of nearly a year and we are thinking of moving in once his lease is up in a few months.
i spoke to my sister about it, and she doesn’t want him to move in, nor does she want to move out of the house and find her own place. the housing market is difficult right now, and she doesn’t want to move to a different city to live with our parents. for the record, i absolutely don’t need her to move out, but i would need her to be okay with my bf moving in if she stays and not cause trouble.
she can’t really explain not wanting to live together aside from not wanting to be a third wheel… he already stays at the house ~4 nights a week anyway (hence it makes sense for him to move in once his lease is up).
she made a few valid points about how she has had a more difficult life than me and i should take care of her over a bf of a year, so now i wonder if i would be an ah if i press the issue.
important background: i purchased the house my sister and i live in, and she is formally a tenant. because i’m a landlord living in the house, with 3 months notice, i can legally evict her where we live.
tldr i live with my sister but want my bf to move in. she doesn’t want to live with him or move out. so either i let him move in anyway, or evict my sister. both feel like ah moves…
| 351 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vcacur/wibta_if_i_let_my_bf_move_into_a_shared_home_or/
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2022-06-14 18:40:29
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nta. you're not kicking her out, she's refusing to live with him. therefore, she needs to go.
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nta
it's your house & your life.
if your bf moves in, though, her rent & utilities should be reduced
>she made a few valid points about how she has had a more difficult life than me and i should take care of her over a bf of a year,
uhm...uhm....that's not a valid point. whatever challenges she has faced, they don't entitle her to stop you from building a life, the life you want for yourself .
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nta&
>she made a few valid points about how she has had a more difficult life than me and i should take care of her over a bf of a year, so now i wonder if i would be an ah if i press the issue.&#10;
&#10;
that's not a valid point. the difficulty of her life doesn't obligate your to "take care of her" in any way, just because you share dna. and unless i'm mistaken, you wouldn't be "taking care" of your bf. he's paying his own lease and will have his own income if or when he moves in.&#10;
&#10;
your sister not wanting to "be a third wheel" is her bringing her codependency to bear as a weapon to make you choose her. she's being an asshole. she should be working to create a life for herself, not hanging onto yours.
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nta, i mean if you own the house, then why shouldn't you get to live with your boyfriend in it? especially if you already have been dating for a year and are ready to move in together. what is she going to do if you decide to get married? make you pick between your husband and your sister?
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well you sister is pretty adamant that she can dictate what happens in your house. i think you are not asking her about your bf moving in, you are *informing* her about your bf moving in. she doesnt get a veto. nta. her life being difficult doesnt mean that you are beholden to her.
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ultimately it's your house, not hers. in the end, it doesn't legally matter what she wants since you're formally the landlord. if it's more like a roommate situation she has even less rights to the house.
hopefully you can come to an amicable solution. but absolutely nta if you want to exercise your rights as the owner of the home. you get the final say in who gets to live there, not your sister.
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first, you are nor responsible of her, no matter of her "more difficult" life. help if it's needed is ok, make your important life decisions considering her needs is not ok. you are not her parent.
second, the house is yours. you haven't purchased it to let your sister to make decisions who can or can't live there. your are kind enough to discuss the situation with her but she's not the one who has the final word.
do you want to live there? if yes, then don't consider moving. tell your sister your bf will move in few months in and ask her if she is ok with it and willing to adapt or she wants to move somewhere else.
sure she will be the third wheel...but that's normal. you have bf, no matter when but one day you are going to live your life mostly with partner, not being sissy in need until your last days.
consider her needs but put yourself first...again you are two adults, don't act like she's your child.
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does she really expect you to take care of her for the rest of her life? & are you okay with that?
do you plan on marrying?
i mean you don't plan on being with your sister forever, and moving in is part of a relationship to see if it'll work.
it's not choosing a boyfriend over your sister, she could stay, it's you living your own life.
nta
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nta. your house. your rules. this is pretty straightforward.
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nta. she has two options, live with you and your boyfriend or move out. she can pick which she prefers. i think you’re being very fair.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (late 20s f) currently live with my sister (mid 20s f). when we started living together i was single, but now i have a bf of nearly a year and we are thinking of moving in once his lease is up in a few months. i spoke to my sister about it, and she doesn’t want him to move in, nor does she want to move out of the house and find her own place. the housing market is difficult right now, and she doesn’t want to move to a different city to live with our parents. for the record, i absolutely don’t need her to move out, but i would need her to be okay with my bf moving in if she stays and not cause trouble. she can’t really explain not wanting to live together aside from not wanting to be a third wheel… he already stays at the house ~4 nights a week anyway (hence it makes sense for him to move in once his lease is up). she made a few valid points about how she has had a more difficult life than me and i should take care of her over a bf of a year, so now i wonder if i would be an ah if i press the issue. important background: i purchased the house my sister and i live in, and she is formally a tenant. because i’m a landlord living in the house, with 3 months notice, i can legally evict her where we live. tldr i live with my sister but want my bf to move in. she doesn’t want to live with him or move out. so either i let him move in anyway, or evict my sister. both feel like ah moves…
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (late 20s f) currently live with my sister (mid 20s f). when we started living together i was single, but now i have a bf of nearly a year and we are thinking of moving in once his lease is up in a few months. i spoke to my sister about it, and she doesn’t want him to move in, nor does she want to move out of the house and find her own place. the housing market is difficult right now, and she doesn’t want to move to a different city to live with our parents. for the record, i absolutely don’t need her to move out, but i would need her to be okay with my bf moving in if she stays and not cause trouble. she can’t really explain not wanting to live together aside from not wanting to be a third wheel… he already stays at the house ~4 nights a week anyway (hence it makes sense for him to move in once his lease is up). she made a few valid points about how she has had a more difficult life than me and i should take care of her over a bf of a year, so now i wonder if i would be an ah if i press the issue. important background: i purchased the house my sister and i live in, and she is formally a tenant. because i’m a landlord living in the house, with 3 months notice, i can legally evict her where we live. tldr i live with my sister but want my bf to move in. she doesn’t want to live with him or move out. so either i let him move in anyway, or evict my sister. both feel like ah moves… [/INST] nta. you're not kicking her out, she's refusing to live with him. therefore, she needs to go. </s>
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AITA for giving away a dog my sister gave me and refusing to pay her back?
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the last few months have been the hardest of my life. i (29m) lost my wife over 5 months ago and i still struggle everyday, missing her, grieving our baby (she was 2 months pregnant), and just trying to hang on when i wake up in the mornings .
it hasn’t been easy at all, still have my bad days and i’m so grateful for my family’s support in this. don’t know how i would’ve made it without them.
the situation that happened with my sister started a couple weeks ago. during a zoom call with my family where they were all checking up on me, she kept talking about her friend who just had puppies and said maybe i’d benefit from having a pet companion.
i turned her down because this didn’t feel like the right time in my life to be making a commitment to being a dog owner when i can barely take care of myself. i get that it’s supposed to be a motivation but it’s just not what i wanted.
to have that responsibility when there’s so much else going on.
for some reason she really insisted on it. then she actually surprised me by bringing the pup when she came to visit. my sister bought the dog off her friend and wanted to bring it as a surprise gift.
it took a lot to convince her to leave with the pup because again i didn’t want to be responsible for a pet.
then she went and did something i couldn’t believe. she stopped by a couple days later early in the morning and left the pup by my door in a crate. sent me a txt before i woke up.
i was so mad i even left her a ton of voicemails telling her to come get the dog.
my sister was really insistent on this and to give it a shot. figured maybe she thought this was a john wick type of situation where having a pet to bond with would help with my grief.
she wasn’t letting this go and i said if she didn’t pick him up by the end of the day i’ll have to give him to someone else.
luckily a friend of mine is a huge dog person (has two himself), and he was more than happy to take the pup off my hands.
my sister found out a few days later that i didn’t keep him and she was furious when she called. she couldn’t believe i simply gave him away when he costed her over $700 and now she wants me to pay her back for a gift i didn’t appreciate.
i’m seriously baffled by her reaction. with everything else going on i don’t know why she’s made a big deal about this.
so yes she’s mad because i didn’t keep the dog and because i’m refusing to pay, which i think is fair. i didn’t want a dog in the first place.
this feels beyond insane and i don’t know why she’s so mad at me over this when i told her several times no. i don’t know maybe i’m missing something so i’d like to get thoughts from others here. was i an asshole in this situation?
| 3,159 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lvwvo7/aita_for_giving_away_a_dog_my_sister_gave_me_and/
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2021-03-02 07:57:38
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nta. your sister majorly overstepped her bounds. it was clear you didn't want the pup.
and even if it wasn't clear....still nta. the pup was a gift. by definition, it's yours to do with as you will - even if it's regifting the pup.
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nta
unfortunately i've been down your path. it is the hardest, most brutal thing i have ever been through. i am so sorry you are living through this nightmare.
if anything you were far too kind to your sister for pulling this stunt. i would have absolutely lost my shit.
the absolute last thing you need right now is the added responsibility of caring for a pet. i know. and if you family has any doubt at all i am happy to tell them to back the fuck off.
do you owe your sister $700. fuck no. you told her no. she bought the pup anyway. you had to argue with her to take it away. she brought it back. she had her chance and fair warning.
the only thing i disagree with you about is when you said "so yes she’s mad because i didn’t keep the dog and because i’m refusing to pay, which i think is fair." fuck no it is not fair. she cannot go fucking with your head like this. it is absolutely unkind, uncaring, and she has no right to be mad. not at all.
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nta op i'm so sorry for your lost you are definitely not the asshole you told your sister you didn't want the responsibility and it wasn't a good time to get a pet she ignored your wishes and left the puppy anyway you owe her nothing and you made the right choice to give the puppy to someone who can take care of it and give it the care it needs
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nta. you made it clear by telling her several times that you did not want a dog, and when she ignored your wishes you gave her the opportunity to come get the dog before giving it away. she ignored all of your refusals as well as your request for her to come get the dog. it’s her own fault she is out the money, not yours.
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nta it is so not ok to give a pet as a gift to someone who doesn't want a pet. it's an animal that needs care, not a toy!
she was in the wrong, you told her what would happen, she pushed and pushed and pushed and is now pissed off that it didn't work to manipulate you.
i'm so sorry for your loss.
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nta: you made it clear you did not want the dog and she did a sneaky thing and left him/her on the porch. frankly i am glad that you gave the dog away, because sometimes a person who doesnt want an animal will make a not so good pet parent
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nta. you didn't ask for it. you specifically told her you did not want it and she turned up and left it anyway. it was a gift to you, therefore it was your property. you made a decision in respect of your property. it's an expensive lesson that she's just been taught but that's her problem.
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nta - at all. i'm so sorry, i don't understand people who give literal animals as "gifts". they're expensive, high maintenance, you need an extreme amount of time put into them, and a lot of commitment. animals are stressful to look after especially puppies. i remember when i first got my puppy (it was an 8 week yr old german shepherd) stressful as all hell. don't feel bad. vets also hate people and even the idea of giving animals as pets because most of the time they don't get handled properly.
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well your sister wins ah of the day!!!
i absolutely cannot stand people that give pets as presents and to force one onto a person who very clearly and repeatedly refused is such an ah move. i also doubt she paid $700, it is likely to guilt you into taking it back.
you owe her nothing op. nta.
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nta she was horrible you don't spring a dog on someone
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the last few months have been the hardest of my life. i (29m) lost my wife over 5 months ago and i still struggle everyday, missing her, grieving our baby (she was 2 months pregnant), and just trying to hang on when i wake up in the mornings . it hasn’t been easy at all, still have my bad days and i’m so grateful for my family’s support in this. don’t know how i would’ve made it without them. the situation that happened with my sister started a couple weeks ago. during a zoom call with my family where they were all checking up on me, she kept talking about her friend who just had puppies and said maybe i’d benefit from having a pet companion. i turned her down because this didn’t feel like the right time in my life to be making a commitment to being a dog owner when i can barely take care of myself. i get that it’s supposed to be a motivation but it’s just not what i wanted. to have that responsibility when there’s so much else going on. for some reason she really insisted on it. then she actually surprised me by bringing the pup when she came to visit. my sister bought the dog off her friend and wanted to bring it as a surprise gift. it took a lot to convince her to leave with the pup because again i didn’t want to be responsible for a pet. then she went and did something i couldn’t believe. she stopped by a couple days later early in the morning and left the pup by my door in a crate. sent me a txt before i woke up. i was so mad i even left her a ton of voicemails telling her to come get the dog. my sister was really insistent on this and to give it a shot. figured maybe she thought this was a john wick type of situation where having a pet to bond with would help with my grief. she wasn’t letting this go and i said if she didn’t pick him up by the end of the day i’ll have to give him to someone else. luckily a friend of mine is a huge dog person (has two himself), and he was more than happy to take the pup off my hands. my sister found out a few days later that i didn’t keep him and she was furious when she called. she couldn’t believe i simply gave him away when he costed her over $700 and now she wants me to pay her back for a gift i didn’t appreciate. i’m seriously baffled by her reaction. with everything else going on i don’t know why she’s made a big deal about this. so yes she’s mad because i didn’t keep the dog and because i’m refusing to pay, which i think is fair. i didn’t want a dog in the first place. this feels beyond insane and i don’t know why she’s so mad at me over this when i told her several times no. i don’t know maybe i’m missing something so i’d like to get thoughts from others here. was i an asshole in this situation?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the last few months have been the hardest of my life. i (29m) lost my wife over 5 months ago and i still struggle everyday, missing her, grieving our baby (she was 2 months pregnant), and just trying to hang on when i wake up in the mornings . it hasn’t been easy at all, still have my bad days and i’m so grateful for my family’s support in this. don’t know how i would’ve made it without them. the situation that happened with my sister started a couple weeks ago. during a zoom call with my family where they were all checking up on me, she kept talking about her friend who just had puppies and said maybe i’d benefit from having a pet companion. i turned her down because this didn’t feel like the right time in my life to be making a commitment to being a dog owner when i can barely take care of myself. i get that it’s supposed to be a motivation but it’s just not what i wanted. to have that responsibility when there’s so much else going on. for some reason she really insisted on it. then she actually surprised me by bringing the pup when she came to visit. my sister bought the dog off her friend and wanted to bring it as a surprise gift. it took a lot to convince her to leave with the pup because again i didn’t want to be responsible for a pet. then she went and did something i couldn’t believe. she stopped by a couple days later early in the morning and left the pup by my door in a crate. sent me a txt before i woke up. i was so mad i even left her a ton of voicemails telling her to come get the dog. my sister was really insistent on this and to give it a shot. figured maybe she thought this was a john wick type of situation where having a pet to bond with would help with my grief. she wasn’t letting this go and i said if she didn’t pick him up by the end of the day i’ll have to give him to someone else. luckily a friend of mine is a huge dog person (has two himself), and he was more than happy to take the pup off my hands. my sister found out a few days later that i didn’t keep him and she was furious when she called. she couldn’t believe i simply gave him away when he costed her over $700 and now she wants me to pay her back for a gift i didn’t appreciate. i’m seriously baffled by her reaction. with everything else going on i don’t know why she’s made a big deal about this. so yes she’s mad because i didn’t keep the dog and because i’m refusing to pay, which i think is fair. i didn’t want a dog in the first place. this feels beyond insane and i don’t know why she’s so mad at me over this when i told her several times no. i don’t know maybe i’m missing something so i’d like to get thoughts from others here. was i an asshole in this situation? [/INST] nta. your sister majorly overstepped her bounds. it was clear you didn't want the pup. and even if it wasn't clear....still nta. the pup was a gift. by definition, it's yours to do with as you will - even if it's regifting the pup. </s>
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AITA for explaining my sexuality to my little brother?
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on mobile so sorry if anything is weird. i am 17m and gay. my brother is 10m and has autism which i think is relevant. i also have a sister who is 15f.
we live with our single mom who works a lot, because of that i usually take care of my brother in the afternoon and get him ready for bed since she gets home at around midnight. last night i was saying goodnight when he asked me something.
my brother really likes to sit at the window that overlooks our driveway and people-watch all day. well my boyfriend who he knows as my "best friend" came over a few days ago and when he was leaving i guess my brother saw us kiss goodbye. so he was confused about it.
i locked the door so my sister wouldn't interrupt us and then i sat down and explained that he's my boyfriend, boys can like other boys and that's okay, etc. he had a few questions like can we get married (i said one day), could he have a boyfriend when he's older (i said if he wants to that would be ok). but he understood and thanked me for explaining, and we said goodnight.
my sister noticed that i locked the door so understandably she asked me why. i told her i was talking to him and didn't want her to bother us. she didn't seem to think much of it but i guess she mentioned it to our mom when she got home because later she asked me about it, and i told her what we were talking about.
she blew up at me and said that it wasn't my right to tell him that, he isn't old enough to understand/learn about that stuff and it's not appropriate, and that she should decide when to teach him about those things.
i think that it was absolutely my right to tell him, and i don't see how it's any less appropriate for his age than learning about marriage and seeing boys and girls kissing on tv.
but on the other hand i kind of get that i'm not his parent and it's her choice what she wants to teach him about.
what do you think reddit?
| 289 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qbu3mm/aita_for_explaining_my_sexuality_to_my_little/
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2021-10-20 05:53:10
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nta
you handled it beautifully and it sounds like you explained everything at his level, in an age-appropriate way.
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nta. if kids are old enough to learn/see straight relationships, they’re only enough to learn/see gay relationships and it doesn’t matter who teaches them as long as they’re being taught.
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nta. she wouldn’t have a problem with you describing a hereto relationship. you didn’t talk about sex just relationships. totally appropriate.
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nta. at ten years old he is plenty old enough to understand a large amount about relationships and it is very important that the correct message of it doesn't matter who you love / want to be with is put across. perhaps locking the door was the wrong thing to do - do you think that your sister would have caused an issue when you were explaining to your brother? your mum has reacted worse than i would have expected her to if she fully supported your openness and honesty as to who you are. perhaps she does but i wouldn't have though she would blow up about you telling your bro.
he may be autistic but that is no reason to not be honest and open with him. a five year old can understand that it is ok for boy/boy and girl/girl relationships so why not a ten year old autistic lad?
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nta - excuse my french but f- your mom. your brother probably understands better than she does. it’s fine. too bad your little sister tattled but whatever. your bro probably really appreciated you telling him and explaining it.
give your bro a high five from me - i am also on the spectrum
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nta. if he had asked those questions about a girlfriend would you have said anything different? no. would your mom have cared? no. you did nothing wrong and your mom needs to get over thinking being gay is a dirty secret. if he’s old enough to know that heterosexuality exists, he’s old enough to know that homosexuality exists.
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nta, if it’s socially acceptable to ask elementary schoolers if they have girlfriends then it’s also appropriate to teach them about sexualities. my younger brother is also autistic but that didn’t stop my parents from telling him about gay and trans people and how they should be treated equally.
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[removed]
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nta. if he is old enough to know what straight relationships are, he is old enough to know what gay relationships are.
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nta. you gave him a very age appropriate explanation. my daughter saw two women kissing when she was like 5 or 6 and asked me why they were kissing and my explanation was similar to how you explained it to him
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: on mobile so sorry if anything is weird. i am 17m and gay. my brother is 10m and has autism which i think is relevant. i also have a sister who is 15f. we live with our single mom who works a lot, because of that i usually take care of my brother in the afternoon and get him ready for bed since she gets home at around midnight. last night i was saying goodnight when he asked me something. my brother really likes to sit at the window that overlooks our driveway and people-watch all day. well my boyfriend who he knows as my "best friend" came over a few days ago and when he was leaving i guess my brother saw us kiss goodbye. so he was confused about it. i locked the door so my sister wouldn't interrupt us and then i sat down and explained that he's my boyfriend, boys can like other boys and that's okay, etc. he had a few questions like can we get married (i said one day), could he have a boyfriend when he's older (i said if he wants to that would be ok). but he understood and thanked me for explaining, and we said goodnight. my sister noticed that i locked the door so understandably she asked me why. i told her i was talking to him and didn't want her to bother us. she didn't seem to think much of it but i guess she mentioned it to our mom when she got home because later she asked me about it, and i told her what we were talking about. she blew up at me and said that it wasn't my right to tell him that, he isn't old enough to understand/learn about that stuff and it's not appropriate, and that she should decide when to teach him about those things. i think that it was absolutely my right to tell him, and i don't see how it's any less appropriate for his age than learning about marriage and seeing boys and girls kissing on tv. but on the other hand i kind of get that i'm not his parent and it's her choice what she wants to teach him about. what do you think reddit?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
on mobile so sorry if anything is weird. i am 17m and gay. my brother is 10m and has autism which i think is relevant. i also have a sister who is 15f. we live with our single mom who works a lot, because of that i usually take care of my brother in the afternoon and get him ready for bed since she gets home at around midnight. last night i was saying goodnight when he asked me something. my brother really likes to sit at the window that overlooks our driveway and people-watch all day. well my boyfriend who he knows as my "best friend" came over a few days ago and when he was leaving i guess my brother saw us kiss goodbye. so he was confused about it. i locked the door so my sister wouldn't interrupt us and then i sat down and explained that he's my boyfriend, boys can like other boys and that's okay, etc. he had a few questions like can we get married (i said one day), could he have a boyfriend when he's older (i said if he wants to that would be ok). but he understood and thanked me for explaining, and we said goodnight. my sister noticed that i locked the door so understandably she asked me why. i told her i was talking to him and didn't want her to bother us. she didn't seem to think much of it but i guess she mentioned it to our mom when she got home because later she asked me about it, and i told her what we were talking about. she blew up at me and said that it wasn't my right to tell him that, he isn't old enough to understand/learn about that stuff and it's not appropriate, and that she should decide when to teach him about those things. i think that it was absolutely my right to tell him, and i don't see how it's any less appropriate for his age than learning about marriage and seeing boys and girls kissing on tv. but on the other hand i kind of get that i'm not his parent and it's her choice what she wants to teach him about. what do you think reddit? [/INST] nta you handled it beautifully and it sounds like you explained everything at his level, in an age-appropriate way. </s>
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AITA for deliberately over-charging my ex?
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to make the long story short, he and i dated for about a year, i ended it, and i told him to never contact me again.
when the pandemic started i started making and selling these resin art pieces, mostly cute lil rolling trays that i would decorate and sell for like $25-$30. somehow my ex found out about it and he messaged me on facebook to ask about buying one. i told him that since he didn’t listen to the “never contact me again” part, it’d be a $45 upcharge. honestly i said that to be more of a “fuck off” but he actually agreed to it and said “it’d be worth seeing me one last time”.
so i charged him the $75, met with him to exchange, and that was pretty much the end of it. a lot of my friends are saying i’m a dick for taking his money just to be petty though, and i guess i would agree if it weren’t for our situation lmfao. they said i took advantage of him wanting to see me(which i didn’t for very long) but honestly if he didn’t want to pay it he could’ve just... not. idk, i keep going back and forth.
i kinda feel like an asshole, but on the other hand the food i bought with his money was pretty good.
aita ?
| 399 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iu6g90/aita_for_deliberately_overcharging_my_ex/
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2020-09-16 22:33:30
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nta. you quoted a price; he agreed to it. why do your friends care?
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nta, you told him it was an upcharge and he agreed to pay it, it's not like you tried to deceive him.
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this is a tough one, my initial thought was y,t,a only because you were foolish enough to respond at all. no contact means no contact. now all you've done is teach him that if he wants to see you, he just needs to dangle money in front of your face. you should have blocked and not responded.
final judgement tho is nta, but don't be surprised if he keeps pressing even more to see you. really the only person you were an asshole to, is yourself.
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nta- enjoy the $75
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nta, but if you don’t mind answering what was the nature of the breakup ? i’m just assuming it ended badly
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nta
this is the asshole tax and you'll find that almost all self employed people charge it on occasion. it's meant both as a deterrent and also to make it more worth your while to deal with someone you want nothing to do with.
i don't feel that you took advantage of your ex's desire to see you. rather, i see it as him trying to take advantage of you. he wanted to see you and he knew this was another avenue he could try, hardly different from an ex who does shit like trying to message you on old social media accounts you forgot even existed, because you already blocked them on all your current accounts. he didn't want the thing you were selling. he said so himself that it was just to see you again. he was using money to buy your presence. this wasn't some guy you're stringing along by pretending to like him in order to get him to give you gifts. you were upfront about the extra charge and why you were charging it, so there is no way he didn't know exactly where you two stood, and he didn't care. he knew what he signed up for and you quoted well within his price limit.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to make the long story short, he and i dated for about a year, i ended it, and i told him to never contact me again. when the pandemic started i started making and selling these resin art pieces, mostly cute lil rolling trays that i would decorate and sell for like $25-$30. somehow my ex found out about it and he messaged me on facebook to ask about buying one. i told him that since he didn’t listen to the “never contact me again” part, it’d be a $45 upcharge. honestly i said that to be more of a “fuck off” but he actually agreed to it and said “it’d be worth seeing me one last time”. so i charged him the $75, met with him to exchange, and that was pretty much the end of it. a lot of my friends are saying i’m a dick for taking his money just to be petty though, and i guess i would agree if it weren’t for our situation lmfao. they said i took advantage of him wanting to see me(which i didn’t for very long) but honestly if he didn’t want to pay it he could’ve just... not. idk, i keep going back and forth. i kinda feel like an asshole, but on the other hand the food i bought with his money was pretty good. aita ?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to make the long story short, he and i dated for about a year, i ended it, and i told him to never contact me again. when the pandemic started i started making and selling these resin art pieces, mostly cute lil rolling trays that i would decorate and sell for like $25-$30. somehow my ex found out about it and he messaged me on facebook to ask about buying one. i told him that since he didn’t listen to the “never contact me again” part, it’d be a $45 upcharge. honestly i said that to be more of a “fuck off” but he actually agreed to it and said “it’d be worth seeing me one last time”. so i charged him the $75, met with him to exchange, and that was pretty much the end of it. a lot of my friends are saying i’m a dick for taking his money just to be petty though, and i guess i would agree if it weren’t for our situation lmfao. they said i took advantage of him wanting to see me(which i didn’t for very long) but honestly if he didn’t want to pay it he could’ve just... not. idk, i keep going back and forth. i kinda feel like an asshole, but on the other hand the food i bought with his money was pretty good. aita ? [/INST] nta. you quoted a price; he agreed to it. why do your friends care? </s>
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AITA for telling my roommates gf that she's not woke if she's wrong
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**
| 25,502 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lltqwg/aita_for_telling_my_roommates_gf_that_shes_not/
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2021-02-17 12:47:32
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nta. not woke? she’s straight up racist. ask her if she’d be buying you beans and a sombrero if you were puerto rican. seriously though, she needs a frank talk about what racism is.
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nta.
“.... so colonised we’ve forgotten our roots & should be embracing our culture.”
if someone said that to me (i’m of indian heritage, born and raised in the uk), i’d tell them to f*** off. that’s personal to me, and so not something that a relative stranger gets to judge about me.
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nta. you’re a hell of a lot nicer than i am. i would have snapped a lot sooner.
i absolutely detest people thinking they know more about your own culture and acting all woke when they’re a)annoying and b) ignorant
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nta. she repeatedly ignored that you and your so were not the stereotypical people she assumed you were in favor of attempting to bulldoze you with the way she decided things should be. your reaction is understandable.
and tbh she sounds less "woke" and more "i did a five second google search for this topic and now i'm an expert".
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nta - she wants to pretend she’s so “woke” yet she instantly turns to white woman tears when she doesn’t get her way telling other people how their culture is done.
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nta. love how she’s white-splaining how to be asian. what a dumbass
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nat. your roommate is racist. treating anyone differently (positive in or negative) based on their race....is racist. they are clearly overcompensating for how they truely feel about asians now, or in the past.
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holy white savior complex batman! nta, almost all of the worlds culture is a result of some form of invasion or colonization, hell england at one point was a very colonized land, between the romans, the saxons, the vikings. i love how the white woke just assume anyone who isn't white is so incapable of understanding where their culture comes and all choices they make aren't theirs because of "colonialism". its perfectly acceptable to look at where your culture comes from, the good and the bad, and accept it for what it is because all of that is what makes your culture unique.
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nta - she’s racist
also, i’m also sea and celebrate chinese new year, and plastering hell notes on the walls of your house and writing your names on banners for dead people is not only pretty morbid, it is inviting bad luck into your home.
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what did i just read.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
** [/INST] nta. not woke? she’s straight up racist. ask her if she’d be buying you beans and a sombrero if you were puerto rican. seriously though, she needs a frank talk about what racism is. </s>
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AITA for getting my best friend removed from our grad school research group?
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last year i got into a three year grad school program where people both complete individual assignments and participate in group research. i was picked to join an elite research group on a niche topic in our field (humanities) with two second years, brian and sabrina, placed under the supervision of one of the leading experts in that field. i quickly became close friends with sabrina, who was passionate about the field, her career and a devout christian, traits we have in common. she took me to her church and faith group and we talked about basically everything under the sun.
in winter, sabrina started to withdraw. she struggled focussing on her work, lost a lot of weight quickly and behaved out of character. she told me she was concerned about her solo research paper that was due by the end of the school year.
about a week before that paper was due sabrina finally broke down to me and confided into me that she had been diagnosed with a mental illness that she couldn't get good treatment for under her insurance and how much it crushed her to see how her condition got into her way of working.
this is where it got difficult: her bad work in our group also affected my career prospects and i felt that i couldn't continue working with her knowing she would not recover quickly. i met up with brian and our group advisor, shared what i learned and we all agreed that it would be our best course of action to replace sabrina so she could get back on her feet. because i had to leave right after that meeting to go to my sister's destination wedding we decided that brian would inform sabrina the day after she handed in her thesis.
when i returned from the wedding i saw that sabrina had been blowing up my phone for days. appearantly, brian didn't muster the courage to tell her so sabrina had to learn about being replaced by her successor's facebook update; her personal advisor learned about her condition from our supervisor and refused to continue to work with her; she had to come out to her parents about her struggles and they were less than understanding. i tried to console her and prayed with her, but she got even angrier and hung up on me.
i still saw her as my best friend, but she never returned my calls and texts and refused to speak to me at church and faith group despite i continued to try. after some weeks, she kind of disappeared, took time off from school and quit the church. noone heard from her for a while until a faith group girl saw her working a retail job in the city last week. appearantly she lost even more weight and had given up any ambition to ever work in our field. this concerned me. i texted her and sabrina answered "that is none of your business. don't contact me again. you ruined my life."
now i feel shitty. i don't want to get friendship in the way of my career, but does that make me the asshole?
| 850 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cfy9o1/aita_for_getting_my_best_friend_removed_from_our/
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2019-07-21 12:00:14
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yta. you put your future career before a friendship...and now you’re perplexed about why she doesn’t want to be your friend. she’s hurt, embarrassed and now has no support. sabrina was going through a hard time, she just wasn’t being lazy. you should have tried to help her before you threw her off the project.
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yta. you sabotaged her instead of talking to her about how you could help - or talking to your school’s appropriate office for getting people help.
if it’s not too late, and the only reason she was dumped off the projects was knowledge of her illness and not her performance - she could sue. but she’s right that you ruined her prospects in that program - again, unless her performance really was that bad.
you’re going to work with a lot of people in academia who go through bad months or terms. same with any job. move slowly when reacting. you’re going to have a bad term one day too.
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yta. oh boy, where the fuck do i even begin.
1. without her even making any mistakes, you deem her ‘unacceptable’ to work on your group project just because she has a mental illness? sure she was withdrawn, but you mention nothing about her being late or sloppy with work.
2. you told people about her condition without her consent. did you ever consider she didn’t tell other people about her illness for a *reason*? like maybe they’d react like this? by outing her illness, you not only got her kicked from your group, but also now her personal advisor won’t work with her (which is all kinds of illegal and fucked up) and now her relationship with her parents is on the rocks. and she didn’t even *do* anything.
3. what the fuck did you expect to happen when you got her kicked from the group project? she literally needs to do that work to graduate and you knew doing this would prevent that. not only have you postponed her graduation, you’ve probably just saddled her with more student debt as a result.
i don’t even know what more to say. i don’t know how so much ignorance could fit into one person. you literally did ruin her life. she was at a point at her life where she needed help and support and love, and you, her best friend, fucking destroyed her education and her relationships. you’re not only not a good person; you’re not a good christian.
i hope it was worth your 30 pieces of silver.
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yta
she confided in you and you betrayed her, then ghosted her. you couldn't even bring up the issue of the group project directly to her, you went behind her back to get her removed and wound up outing her condition as a result. you should feel shitty because what you did was shitty.
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yta - in the absolute extreme. you stabbed your friend in the back, instead of helping her. is that what you learned at church?! because let me tell you it seems like it’s a waste of time, because you’re garbage nonetheless.
the destinatiin wedding is an excuse and you know it. where in the world, in this day and age, could you have gone where there is no cell phone reception and/or internet. you hid like a coward.
it’s so funny to me how superficial you church goers are. your “friend” needed your help, not for you to turn her life upside down for your own personal gain, and offering to “pray with her” afterwards was just your way of again not having to deal with what she’s going through.
you’ve clearly got no idea about what normal human behavior is, so i suggest you do any other future “best friends” a favor and not be their friend at all.
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[removed]
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yta
im sorry what? you disclosed someone else’s mental illness to their boss/professor and another colleague!
i cannot even stress enough how much of an asshole that makes you.
what right do you have to give away someones personal and private medical information?
you are awful.
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yeah, yta. you're a giant fucking asshole.
seriously, you're a massive, selfish, asshole. you're also not a good christian. which one of jesus' teachings is "how to throw your friends under the bus and expose their secrets"?
you'd think someone in the humanities would have a little fucking empathy, but apparently not lmao.
you ***exposed her secret of a mental illness, something she confided in you*** purely because you were selfishly worried about the chance of her hurting your career prospects.
you exposed her secret, and now ***that exposed secret is actually hurting her career***. as in , tangible, negative results.
you're seriously the worst.
**people like you are why there is such a stigma around talking about mental illness**. you are literally part of the problem. you should take some time to do some serious self reflection.
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yta. she confided in you and came to you for help and the first thing you considered was your group project. what you could've done was help her. if she is struggling with mental health she may have been too overwhelmed to research other options.
as for the group project, you did not need to share her personal medical history with anyone. simply alerting the advisor that she is not pulling her weight would have been enough. then she is free to disclose - or not - the reason why in a private conversation with the advisor.
it's unfortunate but people who suffer with mental health issues are still very much stigmatized.
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> i met up with brian and our group advisor, shared what i learned
yta for sharing her medical information without her consent.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: last year i got into a three year grad school program where people both complete individual assignments and participate in group research. i was picked to join an elite research group on a niche topic in our field (humanities) with two second years, brian and sabrina, placed under the supervision of one of the leading experts in that field. i quickly became close friends with sabrina, who was passionate about the field, her career and a devout christian, traits we have in common. she took me to her church and faith group and we talked about basically everything under the sun. in winter, sabrina started to withdraw. she struggled focussing on her work, lost a lot of weight quickly and behaved out of character. she told me she was concerned about her solo research paper that was due by the end of the school year. about a week before that paper was due sabrina finally broke down to me and confided into me that she had been diagnosed with a mental illness that she couldn't get good treatment for under her insurance and how much it crushed her to see how her condition got into her way of working. this is where it got difficult: her bad work in our group also affected my career prospects and i felt that i couldn't continue working with her knowing she would not recover quickly. i met up with brian and our group advisor, shared what i learned and we all agreed that it would be our best course of action to replace sabrina so she could get back on her feet. because i had to leave right after that meeting to go to my sister's destination wedding we decided that brian would inform sabrina the day after she handed in her thesis. when i returned from the wedding i saw that sabrina had been blowing up my phone for days. appearantly, brian didn't muster the courage to tell her so sabrina had to learn about being replaced by her successor's facebook update; her personal advisor learned about her condition from our supervisor and refused to continue to work with her; she had to come out to her parents about her struggles and they were less than understanding. i tried to console her and prayed with her, but she got even angrier and hung up on me. i still saw her as my best friend, but she never returned my calls and texts and refused to speak to me at church and faith group despite i continued to try. after some weeks, she kind of disappeared, took time off from school and quit the church. noone heard from her for a while until a faith group girl saw her working a retail job in the city last week. appearantly she lost even more weight and had given up any ambition to ever work in our field. this concerned me. i texted her and sabrina answered "that is none of your business. don't contact me again. you ruined my life." now i feel shitty. i don't want to get friendship in the way of my career, but does that make me the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
last year i got into a three year grad school program where people both complete individual assignments and participate in group research. i was picked to join an elite research group on a niche topic in our field (humanities) with two second years, brian and sabrina, placed under the supervision of one of the leading experts in that field. i quickly became close friends with sabrina, who was passionate about the field, her career and a devout christian, traits we have in common. she took me to her church and faith group and we talked about basically everything under the sun. in winter, sabrina started to withdraw. she struggled focussing on her work, lost a lot of weight quickly and behaved out of character. she told me she was concerned about her solo research paper that was due by the end of the school year. about a week before that paper was due sabrina finally broke down to me and confided into me that she had been diagnosed with a mental illness that she couldn't get good treatment for under her insurance and how much it crushed her to see how her condition got into her way of working. this is where it got difficult: her bad work in our group also affected my career prospects and i felt that i couldn't continue working with her knowing she would not recover quickly. i met up with brian and our group advisor, shared what i learned and we all agreed that it would be our best course of action to replace sabrina so she could get back on her feet. because i had to leave right after that meeting to go to my sister's destination wedding we decided that brian would inform sabrina the day after she handed in her thesis. when i returned from the wedding i saw that sabrina had been blowing up my phone for days. appearantly, brian didn't muster the courage to tell her so sabrina had to learn about being replaced by her successor's facebook update; her personal advisor learned about her condition from our supervisor and refused to continue to work with her; she had to come out to her parents about her struggles and they were less than understanding. i tried to console her and prayed with her, but she got even angrier and hung up on me. i still saw her as my best friend, but she never returned my calls and texts and refused to speak to me at church and faith group despite i continued to try. after some weeks, she kind of disappeared, took time off from school and quit the church. noone heard from her for a while until a faith group girl saw her working a retail job in the city last week. appearantly she lost even more weight and had given up any ambition to ever work in our field. this concerned me. i texted her and sabrina answered "that is none of your business. don't contact me again. you ruined my life." now i feel shitty. i don't want to get friendship in the way of my career, but does that make me the asshole? [/INST] yta. you put your future career before a friendship...and now you’re perplexed about why she doesn’t want to be your friend. she’s hurt, embarrassed and now has no support. sabrina was going through a hard time, she just wasn’t being lazy. you should have tried to help her before you threw her off the project. </s>
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AITA ...Who's your Daddy??? (Been watching too much Kardashians)
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my 21 year old daughter is in a year long relationship with a man 6 years older than her. great guy. she is super happy. he does have 2 young boys (3 and 6) from a previous relationship. he is a wonderful father and the boys spend lots of time with both their dad and my daughter. last week, he tells my daughter that he always questioned if he was the biological father. they do a dna test (because the birth mom hates that he is with someone new, and is using the children as pawns, so now they arw getting attorneys involved. )
fast forward... another one of my daughters tells me that my daughter goingbthru this told her that she wants to get a dna test done on her now. she said "i don't look like my dad, and you never know..." at first i kinda laughed, but after a martini (or two), i started getting angry. i called my daughter that said she was getting a dna test, and asked her why she suddenly thought there was some doubt about who her father is. things got heated. i told her to go get the dna test, and not to call me back until she had the results....and an apology. am i overreacting??? aita????
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t2zlik/aita_whos_your_daddy_been_watching_too_much/
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2022-02-27 22:27:41
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nta- sounds like your daughter stupidly wants in on all the drama of dna tests her partners doing and has given no thought to what that implies about you or how it makes you feel
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nta your daughter questioning her parentage, especially so casually ("you never know") is terribly hurtful and i can't blame you for being upset.
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nta. wow! just wow! that is so insulting. i can't even! wth is wrong with your daughter???!!! did she really think that there would be no repercussions to this? i am totally with you. you are not overreacting.
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nta. your daughter just called you a cheater. that's pretty insulting.
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"hey mum, did you ever cheat on dad?"
this is basically what she's asking and thinks that's fine. i can't fathom why she would attack your character / morals like this. nta. hopefully she can understand the implications of her actions as she seems clueless.
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not looking like her father is so not the basis for anything. when i was really young i looked like my maternal grandfather. then my dad, and now if my hair is styled a certain way i look like my mother.
nta even if you did blow up at her(i don't blame you.) because she is more of less saying that based on nothing that she thinks you potentially cheated on her father. its absolutely ok to be mad about that.
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omg, how springer! i don't honestly know the answer to this but thanks for a juicy read, please update with results.
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no you’re not the asshole. your daughter is just an idiot. post an update if there’s a plot twist
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my 21 year old daughter is in a year long relationship with a man 6 years older than her. great guy. she is super happy. he does have 2 young boys (3 and 6) from a previous relationship. he is a wonderful father and the boys spend lots of time with both their dad and my daughter. last week, he tells my daughter that he always questioned if he was the biological father. they do a dna test (because the birth mom hates that he is with someone new, and is using the children as pawns, so now they arw getting attorneys involved. ) fast forward... another one of my daughters tells me that my daughter goingbthru this told her that she wants to get a dna test done on her now. she said "i don't look like my dad, and you never know..." at first i kinda laughed, but after a martini (or two), i started getting angry. i called my daughter that said she was getting a dna test, and asked her why she suddenly thought there was some doubt about who her father is. things got heated. i told her to go get the dna test, and not to call me back until she had the results....and an apology. am i overreacting??? aita????
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my 21 year old daughter is in a year long relationship with a man 6 years older than her. great guy. she is super happy. he does have 2 young boys (3 and 6) from a previous relationship. he is a wonderful father and the boys spend lots of time with both their dad and my daughter. last week, he tells my daughter that he always questioned if he was the biological father. they do a dna test (because the birth mom hates that he is with someone new, and is using the children as pawns, so now they arw getting attorneys involved. ) fast forward... another one of my daughters tells me that my daughter goingbthru this told her that she wants to get a dna test done on her now. she said "i don't look like my dad, and you never know..." at first i kinda laughed, but after a martini (or two), i started getting angry. i called my daughter that said she was getting a dna test, and asked her why she suddenly thought there was some doubt about who her father is. things got heated. i told her to go get the dna test, and not to call me back until she had the results....and an apology. am i overreacting??? aita???? [/INST] nta- sounds like your daughter stupidly wants in on all the drama of dna tests her partners doing and has given no thought to what that implies about you or how it makes you feel </s>
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