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AITA for telling my nephews mom to talk to my brother if she has concerns relating to inclusion?
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my (25f) brother (27m) has a son who is 5. my brother was not with my nephews mom. they had a one night stand that resulted in my nephew. my brother and nephew's mom share 50/50. our family is very involved in my nephew's life and this has always been the case. nephew has two half siblings from his mom a sister (7f) and a brother (2m). my brother is not their father and has nothing to do with them. which upsets nephew's mom because her other kids' dad's are not in the picture, her family is not in the picture and she doesn't like that nephew is the only one of her kids to have family. she has wanted my brother to take on a parental role to her daughter since he stuck around for nephew (so maybe a week after my nephew was born she asked him first) and then she wanted him to include both her other kids when she got pregnant with her younger son. my brother has always kept his distance. his only concern is his son.
so for christmas we did a zoom thing. nephew was with my brother this year and we all had a lot of fun spending time together virtually.
right after christmas my nephew's mom sent me a facebook friend request. i accepted it a couple of days later and she messaged asking for my phone number, i asked her why she wanted it and she said she had something to talk to me about. i gave her my number with some hesitation because i was kind of expecting what came, and i was proven right.
she asked that i talk to my family into including her other two kids and that at the very least could i take the other two on as another niece and nephew. she told me her other kids are way less fortunate and have so few people in their lives. i didn't feel comfortable with the discussion because i don't know her or her other two kids. so i told her that she should talk to my brother about including the other kids. this annoyed her as she probably knows i know that they have talked about it. she told me we were cruel to not want to share our love with the other kids and how we were going to divide my nephew from his siblings one day.
i told my brother about the request and he talked to her. she then came back to me and tried again to convince me to make everyone accept her other two kids. i felt guilty because when i went to remove her from my fb account i saw a picture of her younger sons birthday and how there wasn't really anyone who seemed to care. and then she told my brother a few days after that she's pregnant again. and now i'm wondering if her pregnancy is the reason she was trying so hard because there's a third kid who it sounds like won't have a father involved. it's frustrating. because i felt less guilty when i found this out because it made me wonder how many times we would need to go through this and if she would start relying on us to support them financially.
aita?
| 1,146 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/la1vcm/aita_for_telling_my_nephews_mom_to_talk_to_my/
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2021-02-01 12:21:33
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nta i don’t want to victim blame, but this will be her 4th child without her having a father involved. i know that the american healthcare system sucks, but there are ways to get birth control and it seems super suspicious condoms would fail 4 times... she needs to take responsibility for her actions. unfortunately there’s innocent kids caught up as collateral
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nta she's looking for a free ride. she's saying "my kids need family" when she really means "i'm irresponsible and broke and it needs to be your family's problem." if i was in her situation, there's no way in hell i would bring more children into that environment. she needs to get on some birth control, find a single mom's group who all help support each other, and work on providing a stable home for her children. i feel really sorry for her children.
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nta not your circus, not your monkeys. i feel for the innocent kids involved, but the mother involved really needs to get her birth control sorted out as a priority and the absent dads more involved. poor wee fatherless souls. glad your brother stepped up and your family are involved but it's not fair on them to ask for their love, time and money to be given to unrelated folk. if at some point they can, that's awesome but they owe nothing
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nta he is only responsible for his biological kid, not her other kids, if she wants a father to the others, than she needs to find the sperm donor
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nta. your brother maybe needs to get 100% custody of his son. it doesn't sound like a great life for a child.
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nta. fertile myrtle needs her tubes tied. it’s good that your brother/family stepped up for your nephew but they should never have to pay for her irresponsible decisions that don’t involve him. i feel so bad for her kids. she is knowingly bringing them into this dumpster fire with the intentions of making them someone else’s problem and doing the surprised pikachu face when it backfires
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absolutely nta! sounds like mom needs to get on some birth control. i do not see how this makes sense in her world. i would understand if she and your brother were together, but they’re not so in no way does this make sense for her to ask.
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nta and she is an airstrip baby maker trying to make you guys support the kids shes is popping out. i feel for those kids, but thats between her and their fathers.
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nta. stay away from needy mom, not your issue. you don't have more kids when you're already struggling and isolated with the ones you already have. if your brother was involved with the mom obviously that would be different, but you have no reason to feel guilty.
do you think she'd want your brother to have the other 2/3 kids at his eventually to have a "break"? it's possible, if she's isolated, but that's a recipe for disaster.
maybe the family can be sensitive about picking presents they can share, or send him back with a little something for his siblings when you goes back to mom, but your duties stops there
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nta good on you for letting your brother know what she’s wanting. if she wants family to be involved in her kids life maybe she should get hold of her other 2 kids father and get them involved in their kids lives, alternatively if that won’t work get her current partner to step up prior to the new baby being born.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (25f) brother (27m) has a son who is 5. my brother was not with my nephews mom. they had a one night stand that resulted in my nephew. my brother and nephew's mom share 50/50. our family is very involved in my nephew's life and this has always been the case. nephew has two half siblings from his mom a sister (7f) and a brother (2m). my brother is not their father and has nothing to do with them. which upsets nephew's mom because her other kids' dad's are not in the picture, her family is not in the picture and she doesn't like that nephew is the only one of her kids to have family. she has wanted my brother to take on a parental role to her daughter since he stuck around for nephew (so maybe a week after my nephew was born she asked him first) and then she wanted him to include both her other kids when she got pregnant with her younger son. my brother has always kept his distance. his only concern is his son. so for christmas we did a zoom thing. nephew was with my brother this year and we all had a lot of fun spending time together virtually. right after christmas my nephew's mom sent me a facebook friend request. i accepted it a couple of days later and she messaged asking for my phone number, i asked her why she wanted it and she said she had something to talk to me about. i gave her my number with some hesitation because i was kind of expecting what came, and i was proven right. she asked that i talk to my family into including her other two kids and that at the very least could i take the other two on as another niece and nephew. she told me her other kids are way less fortunate and have so few people in their lives. i didn't feel comfortable with the discussion because i don't know her or her other two kids. so i told her that she should talk to my brother about including the other kids. this annoyed her as she probably knows i know that they have talked about it. she told me we were cruel to not want to share our love with the other kids and how we were going to divide my nephew from his siblings one day. i told my brother about the request and he talked to her. she then came back to me and tried again to convince me to make everyone accept her other two kids. i felt guilty because when i went to remove her from my fb account i saw a picture of her younger sons birthday and how there wasn't really anyone who seemed to care. and then she told my brother a few days after that she's pregnant again. and now i'm wondering if her pregnancy is the reason she was trying so hard because there's a third kid who it sounds like won't have a father involved. it's frustrating. because i felt less guilty when i found this out because it made me wonder how many times we would need to go through this and if she would start relying on us to support them financially. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (25f) brother (27m) has a son who is 5. my brother was not with my nephews mom. they had a one night stand that resulted in my nephew. my brother and nephew's mom share 50/50. our family is very involved in my nephew's life and this has always been the case. nephew has two half siblings from his mom a sister (7f) and a brother (2m). my brother is not their father and has nothing to do with them. which upsets nephew's mom because her other kids' dad's are not in the picture, her family is not in the picture and she doesn't like that nephew is the only one of her kids to have family. she has wanted my brother to take on a parental role to her daughter since he stuck around for nephew (so maybe a week after my nephew was born she asked him first) and then she wanted him to include both her other kids when she got pregnant with her younger son. my brother has always kept his distance. his only concern is his son. so for christmas we did a zoom thing. nephew was with my brother this year and we all had a lot of fun spending time together virtually. right after christmas my nephew's mom sent me a facebook friend request. i accepted it a couple of days later and she messaged asking for my phone number, i asked her why she wanted it and she said she had something to talk to me about. i gave her my number with some hesitation because i was kind of expecting what came, and i was proven right. she asked that i talk to my family into including her other two kids and that at the very least could i take the other two on as another niece and nephew. she told me her other kids are way less fortunate and have so few people in their lives. i didn't feel comfortable with the discussion because i don't know her or her other two kids. so i told her that she should talk to my brother about including the other kids. this annoyed her as she probably knows i know that they have talked about it. she told me we were cruel to not want to share our love with the other kids and how we were going to divide my nephew from his siblings one day. i told my brother about the request and he talked to her. she then came back to me and tried again to convince me to make everyone accept her other two kids. i felt guilty because when i went to remove her from my fb account i saw a picture of her younger sons birthday and how there wasn't really anyone who seemed to care. and then she told my brother a few days after that she's pregnant again. and now i'm wondering if her pregnancy is the reason she was trying so hard because there's a third kid who it sounds like won't have a father involved. it's frustrating. because i felt less guilty when i found this out because it made me wonder how many times we would need to go through this and if she would start relying on us to support them financially. aita? [/INST] nta i don’t want to victim blame, but this will be her 4th child without her having a father involved. i know that the american healthcare system sucks, but there are ways to get birth control and it seems super suspicious condoms would fail 4 times... she needs to take responsibility for her actions. unfortunately there’s innocent kids caught up as collateral </s>
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AITA for telling my stepfather to pay for another car bumper sticker he took off my car?
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i (19f) saved a lot of money and recently bought a car, i got my permit a month ago and bought myself a “ be patient, new driver” sticker on my car.
however, due to the sudden cold weather and snow storms in our area, my folks car suddenly broke down and they asked if they could use my car. i didn’t mind and told them they can use it but just not on days when i need to work or when i need to practice my driving.
today, while heading to my driving school with my sister, i noticed that my sticker was peeled off my car, i asked my family members who took it off and my stepfather said he did when he has to use the car one day. i told him that i didn’t appreciate that and that next time, if he does something like that, he will buy me a new sticker.
my stepdad got upset and said that it just a sticker and that i don’t need to have it at all and can just freely drive without it. yes, i know it just a sticker but i feel as though but having that sticker, it let drivers know and therefore, i’m not at risk or they are at risk.
i know this may the most silliest thing you may see and i do apologize for that, but i don’t think he should have done that since at the end of the day, that is my car that i paid for.
aita?
| 928 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s0njcx/aita_for_telling_my_stepfather_to_pay_for_another/
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2022-01-10 16:10:30
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nta: i don't care if your step dad is a die hard michigan fan and you had a ohio state sticker on your car, you don't intentionally damage or alter property you borrow.
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nta
if that sticker is so unimportant as your stepdad had to point out, why did it bother him so much that he had to remove it?
you were gracious enough to loan them your car, and he had the audacity to damage it. it doesn’t matter how small the damage is. he did it intentionally to something that was not his.
he sucks.
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nta. it is a small thing, but it is your car. your stepdad has no right to remove it, especially since he was just borrowing your car. it is a matter of respecting other people’s possessions.
ultimately, it doesn’t matter if you need the sticker or not. it was your car and he didn’t have your permission to remove it. if he has any integrity, he will replace it. the fact that he removed it at all is an indication how self-centered he is.
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this is rather petty, but nta regardless. i'm baffled at the lack of social courtesy it takes to borrow someone else's car and just start taking shit off to fit your own needs better.
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nta. what the sticker said doesn’t matter. if he wanted to borrow your car, he had an absolute obligation to return it exactly as it was when he borrowed it.
on a different subject, contact your agent and verify your insurance coverage when you loan them the car. it varies policy to policy.
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nta. rule #1 of borrowing something is returning it as you received it. you don't get to make decisions about an anything that you are borrowing, and you are responsible for fixing anything that does happen during your use.
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nta. this was your car and he was borrowing it. he should not be changing anything on the car including bumper stickers. he owes you a new bumper sticker.
&#x200b;
* edited to update to nta ( typo on my part)
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nta. has your stepdad ever said "my house, my rules" to you?
this is your car, your rules. he doesn't get to take a bumper sticker off your car any more than you get to slap one with a political stance he doesn't endorse on his when you borrow his car.
so he was embarrassed to drive it. that's on him. he drives it as is and returns it in the same condition it was when he borrowed it, or he doesn't drive it.
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nta. your dad kind of is, but honestly that sticker will make other drivers be more of an asshole to you. they'll purposely try scare you and panic because you've basically put a flashing light on your car saying i dont know how to drive
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nta. however don't use those stickers. it makes the situation more dangerous. ppl see recently passed and try more aggressively to take over. it's strangely counter productive. they won't give you space or be patient
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (19f) saved a lot of money and recently bought a car, i got my permit a month ago and bought myself a “ be patient, new driver” sticker on my car. however, due to the sudden cold weather and snow storms in our area, my folks car suddenly broke down and they asked if they could use my car. i didn’t mind and told them they can use it but just not on days when i need to work or when i need to practice my driving. today, while heading to my driving school with my sister, i noticed that my sticker was peeled off my car, i asked my family members who took it off and my stepfather said he did when he has to use the car one day. i told him that i didn’t appreciate that and that next time, if he does something like that, he will buy me a new sticker. my stepdad got upset and said that it just a sticker and that i don’t need to have it at all and can just freely drive without it. yes, i know it just a sticker but i feel as though but having that sticker, it let drivers know and therefore, i’m not at risk or they are at risk. i know this may the most silliest thing you may see and i do apologize for that, but i don’t think he should have done that since at the end of the day, that is my car that i paid for. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (19f) saved a lot of money and recently bought a car, i got my permit a month ago and bought myself a “ be patient, new driver” sticker on my car. however, due to the sudden cold weather and snow storms in our area, my folks car suddenly broke down and they asked if they could use my car. i didn’t mind and told them they can use it but just not on days when i need to work or when i need to practice my driving. today, while heading to my driving school with my sister, i noticed that my sticker was peeled off my car, i asked my family members who took it off and my stepfather said he did when he has to use the car one day. i told him that i didn’t appreciate that and that next time, if he does something like that, he will buy me a new sticker. my stepdad got upset and said that it just a sticker and that i don’t need to have it at all and can just freely drive without it. yes, i know it just a sticker but i feel as though but having that sticker, it let drivers know and therefore, i’m not at risk or they are at risk. i know this may the most silliest thing you may see and i do apologize for that, but i don’t think he should have done that since at the end of the day, that is my car that i paid for. aita? [/INST] nta: i don't care if your step dad is a die hard michigan fan and you had a ohio state sticker on your car, you don't intentionally damage or alter property you borrow. </s>
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WIBTA for telling my gf to stop telling people about my infertility?
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i (21f) recently found out i was infertile. it came as a big shock, honestly. i and my gf (f21) had talked about kids already (we both want to have them at the age of 27). she really doesn't want to get pregnant and i totally respect that. i wanted to be the pregnant one anyway (we decided for a sperm donor). well, that seems pretty much impossible now and gay couples can't adopt in my country. overall, the situation is pretty shitty, especially for me. i'm probably gonna ruin every feminist's world view now but i always wanted to be a mum and housewife, especially since my parents were hardly ever around. life doesn't always work the way you want it to.
i had to tell my gf eventually so i gathered the courage to do so a month ago. i cried and cried, told her that it was a very sensitive topic and that i didn't want anyone to know. she is the only one who does, not even my mum knows. i always wanted to have children, to be pregnant, the whole thing and pretty much everyone who has ever asked me about it knows that. it's why i told her not to tell anyone: i am still trying to cope with the fact i can't get children. i don't want to be comforted by people or asked about it.
since i told her she told her best friend, her co-worker and her tattoo artist. it doesn't matter that they don't know me, i don't want her to disclose my medical state to anyone, especially since i am so ashamed about it. i'm in therapy, trying to work on my feeling not to be a 'real woman' anymore and knowing people know about my condition makes me even more anxious.
she told me the night i told her about it that she was also looking forward to me being the pregnant one, that it was something she had to get over too and i understand that. i don't want her not to be able to work through it but i also can't live with the thought of her telling everyone about it. i feel like i am entitled to be able to control who knows and who doesn't.
so wibta if i tell her not to tell anyone?
| 638 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jz1hae/wibta_for_telling_my_gf_to_stop_telling_people/
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2020-11-22 19:15:21
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nta. if she's that upset about it and needs to talk it out, she can go to therapy just like you are. i'm really sorry this happened to you.
also, fyi: feminism should mean choice. which means if you want to be a mom and housewife, you should 100% be supported in that choice as well! it's not an anti-feminist desire at all.
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nta. the state of your uterus is *no one else's business*. full stop.
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nta - this is one of those things that can easily be cleared up with open communication. if you don’t want her telling people, let her know! fertility is a touchy topic for many people, and some personal details are just that - personal!
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nta, it’s your medical information, not hers. you asked her not to tell anybody and she agreed. if she was struggling with it, she should have asked for permission to disclose it to a therapist or professional to help her, not tell random strangers. you should absolutely have full control over who gets to know and who doesn’t.
i’m sorry you have to deal with this on top of getting bad news.
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nta- i'm so sorry you're going through this. she really should be respectful of your wishes. however, you didn't choose to be infertile, it's not something to feel guilty or ashamed about. it's just like any other medical condition that happens to you. you might not have had the chance to dive into all the reproductive options out there. with ivf, she could be the egg donor and you could be the carrier.... kind of like a surrogate for your own child. hopefully you can talk to her more about your preferences for how she shares your diagnosis.
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why would she tell her tattoo artist of all people, or anyone given you asked her not to, that information could easily start spreading. maybe try to do therapy together about this, nta
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nta - your medical history is yours and yours alone. she needs to respect that. if she needs help coming to terms with the life changing news, she needs a therapist, not a tattoo artist and some randos.
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nta.
also honestly your throwaway line of ruining every feminist’s world because you want to be a mom and homemaker.....to me, being a feminist means you have the right and freedom and ability to choose what you want to do, just like men who historically have had more choices. if anyones choice is to be a parent and homemaker, by all means they shouldn’t feel like they cannot voice that. there are many ways we get to be parents. i do hope you find your happiness.
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nta. honestly this was really upsetting to read. you had a lot of courage to tell your girlfriend this very sensitive information and made it abundantly clear she was not to share this with anyone else. she should have respected your boundaries and feelings and, above all, supported you. ywnbta if you want to tell her not to share this information again, but i think it is important to remember that you will just be repeating yourself - she has already betrayed your trust on this issue once. the fact that gay couples are banned from adopting children in your country is imo appalling but, op, there are other ways to raise a family. if this is something fundamental to you, don't give up on these aspirations - people have relocated for less. what i would encourage you to do, however, is consider carefully whether you want to have a life partner who was quite happy to share your private medical information, against your express wishes, with her friend, work colleagues and a tattoo artist.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (21f) recently found out i was infertile. it came as a big shock, honestly. i and my gf (f21) had talked about kids already (we both want to have them at the age of 27). she really doesn't want to get pregnant and i totally respect that. i wanted to be the pregnant one anyway (we decided for a sperm donor). well, that seems pretty much impossible now and gay couples can't adopt in my country. overall, the situation is pretty shitty, especially for me. i'm probably gonna ruin every feminist's world view now but i always wanted to be a mum and housewife, especially since my parents were hardly ever around. life doesn't always work the way you want it to. i had to tell my gf eventually so i gathered the courage to do so a month ago. i cried and cried, told her that it was a very sensitive topic and that i didn't want anyone to know. she is the only one who does, not even my mum knows. i always wanted to have children, to be pregnant, the whole thing and pretty much everyone who has ever asked me about it knows that. it's why i told her not to tell anyone: i am still trying to cope with the fact i can't get children. i don't want to be comforted by people or asked about it. since i told her she told her best friend, her co-worker and her tattoo artist. it doesn't matter that they don't know me, i don't want her to disclose my medical state to anyone, especially since i am so ashamed about it. i'm in therapy, trying to work on my feeling not to be a 'real woman' anymore and knowing people know about my condition makes me even more anxious. she told me the night i told her about it that she was also looking forward to me being the pregnant one, that it was something she had to get over too and i understand that. i don't want her not to be able to work through it but i also can't live with the thought of her telling everyone about it. i feel like i am entitled to be able to control who knows and who doesn't. so wibta if i tell her not to tell anyone?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (21f) recently found out i was infertile. it came as a big shock, honestly. i and my gf (f21) had talked about kids already (we both want to have them at the age of 27). she really doesn't want to get pregnant and i totally respect that. i wanted to be the pregnant one anyway (we decided for a sperm donor). well, that seems pretty much impossible now and gay couples can't adopt in my country. overall, the situation is pretty shitty, especially for me. i'm probably gonna ruin every feminist's world view now but i always wanted to be a mum and housewife, especially since my parents were hardly ever around. life doesn't always work the way you want it to. i had to tell my gf eventually so i gathered the courage to do so a month ago. i cried and cried, told her that it was a very sensitive topic and that i didn't want anyone to know. she is the only one who does, not even my mum knows. i always wanted to have children, to be pregnant, the whole thing and pretty much everyone who has ever asked me about it knows that. it's why i told her not to tell anyone: i am still trying to cope with the fact i can't get children. i don't want to be comforted by people or asked about it. since i told her she told her best friend, her co-worker and her tattoo artist. it doesn't matter that they don't know me, i don't want her to disclose my medical state to anyone, especially since i am so ashamed about it. i'm in therapy, trying to work on my feeling not to be a 'real woman' anymore and knowing people know about my condition makes me even more anxious. she told me the night i told her about it that she was also looking forward to me being the pregnant one, that it was something she had to get over too and i understand that. i don't want her not to be able to work through it but i also can't live with the thought of her telling everyone about it. i feel like i am entitled to be able to control who knows and who doesn't. so wibta if i tell her not to tell anyone? [/INST] nta. if she's that upset about it and needs to talk it out, she can go to therapy just like you are. i'm really sorry this happened to you. also, fyi: feminism should mean choice. which means if you want to be a mom and housewife, you should 100% be supported in that choice as well! it's not an anti-feminist desire at all. </s>
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AITA for refusing to give up my cat?
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my cat is 7. to put it nicely, she has always had behavioral issues around her litter box. it’s been that way since i got her at 6 months.
my husband hates her. he is allergic but i work to make sure the house is kept clean and his allergies are not as bothered anymore (he’s lived with her for 5 years). mostly it’s just a mutual dislike of each other. he has wanted to get rid of her since we got married and i have always refused. he was the one who originally got her for me, and i will die on the hill that animals are not to be sent to a shelter because they’re inconvenient. i agreed a couple years ago that if someone else wanted her, she could go but i absolutely will not take her to a shelter because i know what will happen- no one wants an older cat with litter box issues. she’ll stay there and be miserable until they euthanize her. i am not okay with that.
my husband says i am an ah because i know how much he hates her, hates her issues, and he’s allergic. am i the ah for keeping her?
edit for clarification: we have done everything short of behavior therapy for this cat. she poops outside the box if i’m late feeding her or if i go out of town for the weekend. now i think she’s done it for so long she just doesn’t like using her box anymore for pooping. she has two boxes (we’ve done covered, uncovered, different locations, litter, the whole shebang). my husband isn’t abusing her. he used to yell at her when she’d do this but he isn’t allowed to touch or talk to her anymore. he just ignores her now.
edit 2: thanks for everyone trying to provide some advice. i appreciate the help after feeling pretty defeated with this topic. the things that we haven’t tried i’m making note of to see if we can find something that will work. the last two years i’ve stopped trying to change the behavior and just dealt with it so i think it’s time to start trying again.
also, yes i am positive he is not abusing her. he is a good, honest guy, he was just raised with the idea that pets come and go and are disposable. the idea of even visiting the vet is out of the question for someone who never got to go to the doctor himself. it’s hard for someone to change that kind of mindset.
| 981 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q3zh5x/aita_for_refusing_to_give_up_my_cat/
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2021-10-08 14:59:19
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nta
**he bought you the cat.** he chose to move in with you and the cat (that he bought). he married you knowing you had the cat (that he bought). he did all of this while having allergies. he made these choices.
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[deleted]
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ummm what?? he gave her to you! he went into this with his eyes open! in no way are you in the wrong. nta. just make sure he doesn't try to pull a fast one and give her away behind your back!
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nta
keep the cat. your husband can either deal or move out.
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nta
pets are family, but so is your husband. i 100% support your choice to keep your fur baby, and it's a good hill to die on. but, i'm going to warn you, as someone with pet allergies and a general dislike of cats, if there are not children in this relationship, this may also be a hill that he dies on. i know that is an unpopular thing to say on this website, given the love ya'll have for animals, but not everyone shares that trait, and some of us would consider choosing a pet over our health and wellbeing to be something to reconsider the relationship over. just a warning, you need to feel out how serious your husband is about this issue.
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nta. he literally got you the cat and now he's not happy? tough shit, he walked into this situation with eyes wide open.
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esh
you and your husband seem like you both want to make this someone else problem. he wants you to get rid of the cat you want him to deal with it and seem to think that because your cat has a behavioral issue or can never change and your husband is just stuck living in a shitty situation until the cat dies which you justify because “you bought the cat”. (i also find it interesting that you are vague when talking about behavioral issues this cat has)
you and your husband should:
1. hired someone to help you make an intentional effort around resolving this cats behavioral issues
2. visit an allergist and get your husband some relief for his allergies.
3. make an intentional effort towards rejoining the cat. don’t just wait for someone to pop up go look for a new home.
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we have a cat that refuses litter boxes as well. she would always take care of business just outside of the litter box. so we started a putting puppy pads down, in the bathroom next to the litter box, and it works. is it a hassle? well, not really any more of a hassle than cleaning a litter box. we've had to get a bit creative in that we lay one pad down, then lay a **never to be used again for anything else** cookie sheet, then put another pad on top of it. that way if she scrunches up the top pad, the mess is still easily cleanable. and yes, i do clean the pan when necessary. she's now 17, we've done this for a few years without incident.
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nta. maybe the cat has accidents because of the stress of being hated. one of my cat had litter box issues, because she didn’t like my flat (it was a bit small, but i was forced to move there during covid). since, i moved out in a better place, and she never had any problem since. so there’s a possibility your cats acts like that for a reason, the reason could be the husband.
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info. while i am leaning toward nta, you are very vague about the extent of these litter box problems. i think most people here would hate living with a cat that does business outside of the litter box. how bad is it actually? how often are you cleaning up pee and poop outside of the box?
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null |
NTA
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INFO
| 0.054249 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my cat is 7. to put it nicely, she has always had behavioral issues around her litter box. it’s been that way since i got her at 6 months. my husband hates her. he is allergic but i work to make sure the house is kept clean and his allergies are not as bothered anymore (he’s lived with her for 5 years). mostly it’s just a mutual dislike of each other. he has wanted to get rid of her since we got married and i have always refused. he was the one who originally got her for me, and i will die on the hill that animals are not to be sent to a shelter because they’re inconvenient. i agreed a couple years ago that if someone else wanted her, she could go but i absolutely will not take her to a shelter because i know what will happen- no one wants an older cat with litter box issues. she’ll stay there and be miserable until they euthanize her. i am not okay with that. my husband says i am an ah because i know how much he hates her, hates her issues, and he’s allergic. am i the ah for keeping her? edit for clarification: we have done everything short of behavior therapy for this cat. she poops outside the box if i’m late feeding her or if i go out of town for the weekend. now i think she’s done it for so long she just doesn’t like using her box anymore for pooping. she has two boxes (we’ve done covered, uncovered, different locations, litter, the whole shebang). my husband isn’t abusing her. he used to yell at her when she’d do this but he isn’t allowed to touch or talk to her anymore. he just ignores her now. edit 2: thanks for everyone trying to provide some advice. i appreciate the help after feeling pretty defeated with this topic. the things that we haven’t tried i’m making note of to see if we can find something that will work. the last two years i’ve stopped trying to change the behavior and just dealt with it so i think it’s time to start trying again. also, yes i am positive he is not abusing her. he is a good, honest guy, he was just raised with the idea that pets come and go and are disposable. the idea of even visiting the vet is out of the question for someone who never got to go to the doctor himself. it’s hard for someone to change that kind of mindset.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my cat is 7. to put it nicely, she has always had behavioral issues around her litter box. it’s been that way since i got her at 6 months. my husband hates her. he is allergic but i work to make sure the house is kept clean and his allergies are not as bothered anymore (he’s lived with her for 5 years). mostly it’s just a mutual dislike of each other. he has wanted to get rid of her since we got married and i have always refused. he was the one who originally got her for me, and i will die on the hill that animals are not to be sent to a shelter because they’re inconvenient. i agreed a couple years ago that if someone else wanted her, she could go but i absolutely will not take her to a shelter because i know what will happen- no one wants an older cat with litter box issues. she’ll stay there and be miserable until they euthanize her. i am not okay with that. my husband says i am an ah because i know how much he hates her, hates her issues, and he’s allergic. am i the ah for keeping her? edit for clarification: we have done everything short of behavior therapy for this cat. she poops outside the box if i’m late feeding her or if i go out of town for the weekend. now i think she’s done it for so long she just doesn’t like using her box anymore for pooping. she has two boxes (we’ve done covered, uncovered, different locations, litter, the whole shebang). my husband isn’t abusing her. he used to yell at her when she’d do this but he isn’t allowed to touch or talk to her anymore. he just ignores her now. edit 2: thanks for everyone trying to provide some advice. i appreciate the help after feeling pretty defeated with this topic. the things that we haven’t tried i’m making note of to see if we can find something that will work. the last two years i’ve stopped trying to change the behavior and just dealt with it so i think it’s time to start trying again. also, yes i am positive he is not abusing her. he is a good, honest guy, he was just raised with the idea that pets come and go and are disposable. the idea of even visiting the vet is out of the question for someone who never got to go to the doctor himself. it’s hard for someone to change that kind of mindset. [/INST] nta **he bought you the cat.** he chose to move in with you and the cat (that he bought). he married you knowing you had the cat (that he bought). he did all of this while having allergies. he made these choices. </s>
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AITA for refusing to let my BIL move in even though he will be homeless
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okay so for a little bit of background.. my bil (46m)is about to be kicked out of his current residence for drinking and causing problems and not paying his share of the rent. my reason are as follows:
1. hes lived with us the past for up to 6 months at a time and never gave us a dime to help even though i was feeding and watching his 4 kids while he sat on his computer all day and didnt work.
2. he drinks everyday and turns into an ah and will pick fights with my (44m) husband. telling my husband how much of a horrible person he is. when really hes jealous because my husband has his life together.
3. he borrows money for gas and never pays it back, he borrowed 10 dollars from our 13yr old daughter and has yet to give it back to her. since then my husband chose to cut off any financial support. say whatever you want to him but never lie to his kids.
4. last time he lived with us cops were at my house constantly because he was fighting with my sil, they have since divorced. it caused so much havoc in our lives my husband and i almost split.
5. and lastly he was always disrespecting me, until one day he did it in front of his brother, let's just say my husband laid his ass out and told him to go.
now hes trying to guilt trip my husband about how hell end his life because no one cares and he doesnt want to be homeless. my husband had enough and said he cant stay here because our kids dont deserve to live in the kind of environment he causes. and honestly while were better off financially now then even a year ago we actually want to start saving and hes sick of picking his brother up from his mistakes. told bil it's time for tough love. now i got my ex sil saying were ahs because we refuse to help him on his feet anymore.
so are we being ahs because we refuse to help a grown man out again and again. we feel like we did our part and it wasnt appreciated, so why go through the stress for someone who wont even try to better his life?
eta sil was going to let him live back there but her new husband rightly refused. cant blame him at all
| 240 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oegl23/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_bil_move_in_even/
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2021-07-05 21:18:08
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nta. if the exwife is so worried she should take him in.
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nta he is 46 years old and is getting evicted for non payment of rent but has enough money to buy alcohol. clearly he has established his priorities and a place to live isn't one of them if he'd rather spend his money on booze rather than rent. he made his bed, now he had to lie in it.
he will be homeless by his own choice.why should your family suffer for his bad choices especially your children, everyone has a druncle but no one should have to live with him. stand firm, do not let him disrupt your household again.
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the ex sil should offer him a place since she is so concerned
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nta. you’ve done more than enough. he needs to man the f*** up and handle himself. as others said if his ex is so concerned she can take care of him. you and your husband cannot be responsible for his choices. do watch out for him trying to hurt himself to manipulate you though and make sure he doesn’t have a way to call your kids. you don’t want him using them or traumatizing them more.
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nta, perhaps the ex sil should offer him a place since she is so concerned
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nta. bil can live in his car, see if the ex will let him move back in with her, move in with his parents, look for a room to rent, buy a tent and camp out, move into a shelter. no reason to sacrifice your home life for a low life.
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nta, toxic family will only bring you down. bil will never learn to be less of an ah and fix his priorities if he’s always waiting for help. also, if he didn’t treat your family right when he previously needed help then there’s absolutely no reason he should expect y’all to help again.
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nta- he’s hitting rock bottom it looks like. let him. might encourage him to get his life together. or not. but don’t become an enabler.
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nta. your husband put up a boundary and stuck with it. i'd be very proud of him for doing that. bil needs to get his own life figured out, and that responsibility is not yours or your husbands.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay so for a little bit of background.. my bil (46m)is about to be kicked out of his current residence for drinking and causing problems and not paying his share of the rent. my reason are as follows: 1. hes lived with us the past for up to 6 months at a time and never gave us a dime to help even though i was feeding and watching his 4 kids while he sat on his computer all day and didnt work. 2. he drinks everyday and turns into an ah and will pick fights with my (44m) husband. telling my husband how much of a horrible person he is. when really hes jealous because my husband has his life together. 3. he borrows money for gas and never pays it back, he borrowed 10 dollars from our 13yr old daughter and has yet to give it back to her. since then my husband chose to cut off any financial support. say whatever you want to him but never lie to his kids. 4. last time he lived with us cops were at my house constantly because he was fighting with my sil, they have since divorced. it caused so much havoc in our lives my husband and i almost split. 5. and lastly he was always disrespecting me, until one day he did it in front of his brother, let's just say my husband laid his ass out and told him to go. now hes trying to guilt trip my husband about how hell end his life because no one cares and he doesnt want to be homeless. my husband had enough and said he cant stay here because our kids dont deserve to live in the kind of environment he causes. and honestly while were better off financially now then even a year ago we actually want to start saving and hes sick of picking his brother up from his mistakes. told bil it's time for tough love. now i got my ex sil saying were ahs because we refuse to help him on his feet anymore. so are we being ahs because we refuse to help a grown man out again and again. we feel like we did our part and it wasnt appreciated, so why go through the stress for someone who wont even try to better his life? eta sil was going to let him live back there but her new husband rightly refused. cant blame him at all
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay so for a little bit of background.. my bil (46m)is about to be kicked out of his current residence for drinking and causing problems and not paying his share of the rent. my reason are as follows: 1. hes lived with us the past for up to 6 months at a time and never gave us a dime to help even though i was feeding and watching his 4 kids while he sat on his computer all day and didnt work. 2. he drinks everyday and turns into an ah and will pick fights with my (44m) husband. telling my husband how much of a horrible person he is. when really hes jealous because my husband has his life together. 3. he borrows money for gas and never pays it back, he borrowed 10 dollars from our 13yr old daughter and has yet to give it back to her. since then my husband chose to cut off any financial support. say whatever you want to him but never lie to his kids. 4. last time he lived with us cops were at my house constantly because he was fighting with my sil, they have since divorced. it caused so much havoc in our lives my husband and i almost split. 5. and lastly he was always disrespecting me, until one day he did it in front of his brother, let's just say my husband laid his ass out and told him to go. now hes trying to guilt trip my husband about how hell end his life because no one cares and he doesnt want to be homeless. my husband had enough and said he cant stay here because our kids dont deserve to live in the kind of environment he causes. and honestly while were better off financially now then even a year ago we actually want to start saving and hes sick of picking his brother up from his mistakes. told bil it's time for tough love. now i got my ex sil saying were ahs because we refuse to help him on his feet anymore. so are we being ahs because we refuse to help a grown man out again and again. we feel like we did our part and it wasnt appreciated, so why go through the stress for someone who wont even try to better his life? eta sil was going to let him live back there but her new husband rightly refused. cant blame him at all [/INST] nta. if the exwife is so worried she should take him in. </s>
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AITA for not rushing to open the door for a woman in a wheelchair because someone else was right there?
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the title sounds abrasive so please hear me out.
in my math class, there is a girl who sits several rows behind me who has a disability that requires an electric wheelchair (if there is a better word for it, please let me know, i'm sorry). the door to the classroom is really heavy so someone has to hold it open for her. i've done it many times no problem. she and i are even alright friends.
at the end of class i was talking to a friend of mine while packing our things away when a girl behind us, who sits next to the girl in the chair, kind of snootily says "excuse me. can one of you guys open the door for her if you're not doing anything?" mind you, the row they were sitting at is literally right next to the door. the girl was closer to it than we are, like literally one or two steps away.
so my friend and i kinda glanced at each other and i asked, "why can't you? you're literally right there. reach out your arm and open the door." she replied that she had to give something to the professor but my friend and i were on our way, and i asked again why that meant she couldn't open the door. the whole time she had an attitude as if my friend and i were being rude and inconsiderate.
thankfully someone was heading out of the class a second later so they were able to open the door. the other girl glared at us as she walked to the professor.
the next day i spoke to the girl in the chair and she said she didn't really get why that girl could've just opened the door for her if she cared so much, and that the situation kind of embarrassed her. i wish i had just gone and opened the door but the other girl was literally right in front of it.
| 376 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f1p390/aita_for_not_rushing_to_open_the_door_for_a_woman/
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2020-02-10 11:37:32
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nta - seems the girl had something personal she was taking out on you. i wouldn't waste another second on even thinking about her. sad that she upset you and the other girl with her "stuff".
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nta. she had some weird guys must open the doors mentality going on
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could you just imagine being the girl in the wheelchair. just having to sit there and watch as people argue over opening the door for her. like damn. im sure she doesnt give two shits who opens the door. just get it open so she can leave. no wonder she was embarrassed. esh except the girl in the chair and the hero who happened to be leaving so this dumb ass arguement could end
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nta
she was literally standing right there and instead of doing it herself, like a normal person, she felt the need to call someone else out. regardless of what she needed the professor for, i'm pretty sure they wouldnt have minded if she took less then a minute to hold open the door. she was honestly just being lazy and felt like she shouldn't have to as she had more "important" things to do.
shes definitely the ah in this situation.
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nta
don't sweat it dude. she clearly just woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something.
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nta. the person who was already there should have opened
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nta - she was right there, how hard is it to open a door?
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esh- as a wheelchair user myself i can’t imagine how embarrassing this situation would be for me and that poor girl sitting there while people fight about opening a door for her!
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| null | null | 0.091339 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the title sounds abrasive so please hear me out. in my math class, there is a girl who sits several rows behind me who has a disability that requires an electric wheelchair (if there is a better word for it, please let me know, i'm sorry). the door to the classroom is really heavy so someone has to hold it open for her. i've done it many times no problem. she and i are even alright friends. at the end of class i was talking to a friend of mine while packing our things away when a girl behind us, who sits next to the girl in the chair, kind of snootily says "excuse me. can one of you guys open the door for her if you're not doing anything?" mind you, the row they were sitting at is literally right next to the door. the girl was closer to it than we are, like literally one or two steps away. so my friend and i kinda glanced at each other and i asked, "why can't you? you're literally right there. reach out your arm and open the door." she replied that she had to give something to the professor but my friend and i were on our way, and i asked again why that meant she couldn't open the door. the whole time she had an attitude as if my friend and i were being rude and inconsiderate. thankfully someone was heading out of the class a second later so they were able to open the door. the other girl glared at us as she walked to the professor. the next day i spoke to the girl in the chair and she said she didn't really get why that girl could've just opened the door for her if she cared so much, and that the situation kind of embarrassed her. i wish i had just gone and opened the door but the other girl was literally right in front of it.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the title sounds abrasive so please hear me out. in my math class, there is a girl who sits several rows behind me who has a disability that requires an electric wheelchair (if there is a better word for it, please let me know, i'm sorry). the door to the classroom is really heavy so someone has to hold it open for her. i've done it many times no problem. she and i are even alright friends. at the end of class i was talking to a friend of mine while packing our things away when a girl behind us, who sits next to the girl in the chair, kind of snootily says "excuse me. can one of you guys open the door for her if you're not doing anything?" mind you, the row they were sitting at is literally right next to the door. the girl was closer to it than we are, like literally one or two steps away. so my friend and i kinda glanced at each other and i asked, "why can't you? you're literally right there. reach out your arm and open the door." she replied that she had to give something to the professor but my friend and i were on our way, and i asked again why that meant she couldn't open the door. the whole time she had an attitude as if my friend and i were being rude and inconsiderate. thankfully someone was heading out of the class a second later so they were able to open the door. the other girl glared at us as she walked to the professor. the next day i spoke to the girl in the chair and she said she didn't really get why that girl could've just opened the door for her if she cared so much, and that the situation kind of embarrassed her. i wish i had just gone and opened the door but the other girl was literally right in front of it. [/INST] nta - seems the girl had something personal she was taking out on you. i wouldn't waste another second on even thinking about her. sad that she upset you and the other girl with her "stuff". </s>
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AITA for playing a role whose name is the same as my twin’s deadname?
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i (17f) do theater acting, and i have done performances every year since i was 14. i also have a twin brother who is ftm transgender. i’ve been cast as the lead role for the musical the local city theater is showing. the thing is, the musical i’m performing in features a main character whose name is also my twin’s deadname.
i typically don’t tell my twin the roles i audition for, since he doesn’t care much about my performances. he does support me by going to my shows, but not much else (to be expected). i also only announce my roles to my family after i have gotten it, to avoid any disappointment if i were to not get a role. when i auditioned, i didn’t associate my brother with the name at all, and i assumed he would think the same. but when i announced i got the role, he asked me if i was serious. i responded asking, “why wouldn’t i be?” and he reminded that that character had his deadname. i asked what the issue was and he said that we looked very similar and i still look like what he would if he was still a girl. if i took this role, it would be hard for him to watch people call me his deadname so often.
he told me if i kept the role, he wouldn’t be able to watch the show because it would be too hard on him. i told him that’s fine. but i also told him that i wouldn’t give up the role. my mom sided with him, saying that it would be for the best if i just stepped down from the role. but it’s also the lead role, which i worked very hard for. i’m also moving for college this fall, so this may be my last show in my hometown. so wibta if i kept the role?
| 975 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vq7k9o/aita_for_playing_a_role_whose_name_is_the_same_as/
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2022-07-03 02:45:34
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nta. everything is not about your brother. so what the name is the same. should you play an addict, you still wouldn’t be one.
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nta. if it's a dead name, he should let it die for him and let the rest of the world have it to use.
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nta.
is your sibling going to be upset when meeting people with their former name? is no one, alive, dead, imaginary supposed to have that name? ever?
the world does not revolve around them.
go live your life.
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nta. i can see how it could be challenging for your brother, but he doesn't have to watch it, or even discuss it with you. you two looking similar shouldn't be a reason for you not to pursue your interests that might stir up his upset feelings. that's not fair to you - you are your own person. and brother might need to work on how he can work through situations where his deadname is in use, because the name can't be erased from life altogether.
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nta. it is perfectly valid for your brother to have complicated and even painful feelings about the name associated with a time of his life that he felt confused/misunderstood/not like his true self. but it's not valid for him to use those feelings as an excuse to try to limit your choices or activities.
he would be equally wrong if he suggested that you weren't allowed to be friends with someone who shared that name.
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nta. it's a good opportunity for you and you didn't pick the name of the character.
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as long as you don’t expect your brother to come to the show, you are nta. you have only so many roles you can audition for, and getting a lead role is a bit of a coup. not to mention, it’s good for your cv and could potentially help you land other roles, if you intend to keep acting. given the extreme discomfort this would cause your brother, it would be very unfair to expect him to attend, but you’ve already expressed that you don’t have that expectation.
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nta. you are allowed to take roles even if the characters have names that some people find hurtful or offensive. your brother doesn’t want to come to the show and that’s absolutely his right.
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i can respect the name being a dead name to your brother. but that doesn't mean his birthname is off limit to fictional characters or to others that have been given that name.
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nta. i completely understand why your brother would be upset watching it, but there’s no reason for you to give up the role. he doesn’t have to watch it if he doesn’t want to. he likely knows you didn’t mean anything by it or anything, or at least he should know. as long as you don’t bring up him not going afterwards, which you probably wouldn’t, it should be fine. this is a big opportunity
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (17f) do theater acting, and i have done performances every year since i was 14. i also have a twin brother who is ftm transgender. i’ve been cast as the lead role for the musical the local city theater is showing. the thing is, the musical i’m performing in features a main character whose name is also my twin’s deadname. i typically don’t tell my twin the roles i audition for, since he doesn’t care much about my performances. he does support me by going to my shows, but not much else (to be expected). i also only announce my roles to my family after i have gotten it, to avoid any disappointment if i were to not get a role. when i auditioned, i didn’t associate my brother with the name at all, and i assumed he would think the same. but when i announced i got the role, he asked me if i was serious. i responded asking, “why wouldn’t i be?” and he reminded that that character had his deadname. i asked what the issue was and he said that we looked very similar and i still look like what he would if he was still a girl. if i took this role, it would be hard for him to watch people call me his deadname so often. he told me if i kept the role, he wouldn’t be able to watch the show because it would be too hard on him. i told him that’s fine. but i also told him that i wouldn’t give up the role. my mom sided with him, saying that it would be for the best if i just stepped down from the role. but it’s also the lead role, which i worked very hard for. i’m also moving for college this fall, so this may be my last show in my hometown. so wibta if i kept the role?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (17f) do theater acting, and i have done performances every year since i was 14. i also have a twin brother who is ftm transgender. i’ve been cast as the lead role for the musical the local city theater is showing. the thing is, the musical i’m performing in features a main character whose name is also my twin’s deadname. i typically don’t tell my twin the roles i audition for, since he doesn’t care much about my performances. he does support me by going to my shows, but not much else (to be expected). i also only announce my roles to my family after i have gotten it, to avoid any disappointment if i were to not get a role. when i auditioned, i didn’t associate my brother with the name at all, and i assumed he would think the same. but when i announced i got the role, he asked me if i was serious. i responded asking, “why wouldn’t i be?” and he reminded that that character had his deadname. i asked what the issue was and he said that we looked very similar and i still look like what he would if he was still a girl. if i took this role, it would be hard for him to watch people call me his deadname so often. he told me if i kept the role, he wouldn’t be able to watch the show because it would be too hard on him. i told him that’s fine. but i also told him that i wouldn’t give up the role. my mom sided with him, saying that it would be for the best if i just stepped down from the role. but it’s also the lead role, which i worked very hard for. i’m also moving for college this fall, so this may be my last show in my hometown. so wibta if i kept the role? [/INST] nta. everything is not about your brother. so what the name is the same. should you play an addict, you still wouldn’t be one. </s>
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AITA for excluding my parents from my newborn’s life?
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i (23f) and my husband (24m) have recently had our first child. we got married last year, after we had both graduated college.
my parents were very judgmental and told me i was making mistake since i was so young and i was losing the opportunity to date many people and find who was best. this was insulting to me but also to my husband. my husband was my first boyfriend as well since we started dating at 16 after we met at the corner store we both worked at. i know some people judge people who get married to their first love but i couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. i made the choice to marry him since i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and i knew he would be an amazing dad and partner. it was a rational decision on my part that my parents couldn’t seem to understand. i had to beg my dad to walk me down the aisle and they told me after the ceremony i made a mistake and i should have waited longer to be married.
despite all of this, i still loved them since they are my parents and ultimately these are my choices even if they disagree. when i found out i was pregnant, it came as a surprise as my husband and i weren’t necessarily trying for a baby but we were thrilled because we’ve always wanted to be parents.
we did purchase our first house and it has two extra bedrooms and plenty of space for a child to grow up. i am currently in medical school and my husband is starting out in his career, but i work nights as a waitress so we’re making a good amount of money to support ourselves and a child. to sum it up, we are prepared for a child and i may struggle in school but my husband and his parents are pushing for me to stay in school and offered to watch the baby as much as i needed. we also got very lucky since the baby was born in the beginning of summer. despite the fact that we are married adults with jobs, plans for the future, and a house my parents refuse to see past it and still see us as kids.
after i told them i was pregnant they treated me as if i was still 16- told me they were disappointed, asked who was going to raise the baby, that i was irresponsible, etc. they cut contact for three months and then only checked in rarely, never discussing my baby. the pregnancy was hard for me because of school and my job and also that it was my first pregnancy but my parents attitudes were what made it so miserable.
after my baby girl was born, my sister came by to help me and see the baby and she posted a cute video on her social media of her and my daughter. my parents texted me that they wanted to meet the baby and angry i didn’t tell them when my baby was born. i told them they couldn’t switch up now and the only way they would be able to see her is a full apology to me and my husband and a stop to their behavior. they refuse and say they’ve done nothing wrong, only looking out for me. my other family members say i’m being stubborn and they’re my parents i should just let them see their granddaughter, but i don’t think so, aita?
| 265 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vx4znw/aita_for_excluding_my_parents_from_my_newborns/
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2022-07-12 07:05:41
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nta nah, you are right. i was ambivalent till you said that they cornered you and told you you made a mistake after the ceremony. that is crazy behavior. and cutting ties for three months when you were pregnant.
this is controlling behavior. they are losing their hold on you and they are furious. stand your ground.
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"let us express disapproval of your entire life and marriage but also meet the child we refused to be happy for in the first place, to the point of *cutting you off*."
nta, though you would be to your husband if you continue letting them disrespect the both of you.
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nta. continue being "stubborn," as your family members are erroneously calling it. you and your husband are owed both an apology and changed behaviour. if your parents won't do both, stay no contact. you're healthier for it, as are your baby and marriage.
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i will begin by saying - none of this is your fault and their actions are not your responsibility. you are an adult woman and you are free to make your own choices. your parents no longer control your life, you have separated from them. and while you cannot change how they behave, you can change the way you approach it. and i say - hold your ground!
you are an adult woman and it seems to me your parents are still deep in the dynamic of you being a child. they are also very obviously challenging your success.
it's always okay to set boundaries with anyone, including your parents, especially when there is no unconditional love, respect, trust, and their behaviour is controlling.
this is now your family and your house, and you and your husband make the decision what will be allowed.
so, nta!
*"the only people who have issues with you setting your boundaries are the ones that benefit from you not having any"*
also, it seems to me you and your husband are in a very good place, and at such a young age, take care & wishing you both and your baby good health.
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nta. you’re better off without the negatively. congrats on the kiddo, good luck with school!
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nta
first of all, congratulations on your daughter!
a full apology and change in behavior seems a completely reasonable requirement to re-engage in any relationship. they are not treating you like the clear responsible adult that you are. and it's great to establish some good boundaries early in your child's life, as otherwise these oversteps and comments will be never ending.
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nta. they didnt want anything to do with you then, so why give it to them now. they made their choice and your making them stick to it. i think the little you ask is more than reasonable. and if they dont like it, then too bad for them. they get to miss out
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (23f) and my husband (24m) have recently had our first child. we got married last year, after we had both graduated college. my parents were very judgmental and told me i was making mistake since i was so young and i was losing the opportunity to date many people and find who was best. this was insulting to me but also to my husband. my husband was my first boyfriend as well since we started dating at 16 after we met at the corner store we both worked at. i know some people judge people who get married to their first love but i couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. i made the choice to marry him since i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and i knew he would be an amazing dad and partner. it was a rational decision on my part that my parents couldn’t seem to understand. i had to beg my dad to walk me down the aisle and they told me after the ceremony i made a mistake and i should have waited longer to be married. despite all of this, i still loved them since they are my parents and ultimately these are my choices even if they disagree. when i found out i was pregnant, it came as a surprise as my husband and i weren’t necessarily trying for a baby but we were thrilled because we’ve always wanted to be parents. we did purchase our first house and it has two extra bedrooms and plenty of space for a child to grow up. i am currently in medical school and my husband is starting out in his career, but i work nights as a waitress so we’re making a good amount of money to support ourselves and a child. to sum it up, we are prepared for a child and i may struggle in school but my husband and his parents are pushing for me to stay in school and offered to watch the baby as much as i needed. we also got very lucky since the baby was born in the beginning of summer. despite the fact that we are married adults with jobs, plans for the future, and a house my parents refuse to see past it and still see us as kids. after i told them i was pregnant they treated me as if i was still 16- told me they were disappointed, asked who was going to raise the baby, that i was irresponsible, etc. they cut contact for three months and then only checked in rarely, never discussing my baby. the pregnancy was hard for me because of school and my job and also that it was my first pregnancy but my parents attitudes were what made it so miserable. after my baby girl was born, my sister came by to help me and see the baby and she posted a cute video on her social media of her and my daughter. my parents texted me that they wanted to meet the baby and angry i didn’t tell them when my baby was born. i told them they couldn’t switch up now and the only way they would be able to see her is a full apology to me and my husband and a stop to their behavior. they refuse and say they’ve done nothing wrong, only looking out for me. my other family members say i’m being stubborn and they’re my parents i should just let them see their granddaughter, but i don’t think so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (23f) and my husband (24m) have recently had our first child. we got married last year, after we had both graduated college. my parents were very judgmental and told me i was making mistake since i was so young and i was losing the opportunity to date many people and find who was best. this was insulting to me but also to my husband. my husband was my first boyfriend as well since we started dating at 16 after we met at the corner store we both worked at. i know some people judge people who get married to their first love but i couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. i made the choice to marry him since i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and i knew he would be an amazing dad and partner. it was a rational decision on my part that my parents couldn’t seem to understand. i had to beg my dad to walk me down the aisle and they told me after the ceremony i made a mistake and i should have waited longer to be married. despite all of this, i still loved them since they are my parents and ultimately these are my choices even if they disagree. when i found out i was pregnant, it came as a surprise as my husband and i weren’t necessarily trying for a baby but we were thrilled because we’ve always wanted to be parents. we did purchase our first house and it has two extra bedrooms and plenty of space for a child to grow up. i am currently in medical school and my husband is starting out in his career, but i work nights as a waitress so we’re making a good amount of money to support ourselves and a child. to sum it up, we are prepared for a child and i may struggle in school but my husband and his parents are pushing for me to stay in school and offered to watch the baby as much as i needed. we also got very lucky since the baby was born in the beginning of summer. despite the fact that we are married adults with jobs, plans for the future, and a house my parents refuse to see past it and still see us as kids. after i told them i was pregnant they treated me as if i was still 16- told me they were disappointed, asked who was going to raise the baby, that i was irresponsible, etc. they cut contact for three months and then only checked in rarely, never discussing my baby. the pregnancy was hard for me because of school and my job and also that it was my first pregnancy but my parents attitudes were what made it so miserable. after my baby girl was born, my sister came by to help me and see the baby and she posted a cute video on her social media of her and my daughter. my parents texted me that they wanted to meet the baby and angry i didn’t tell them when my baby was born. i told them they couldn’t switch up now and the only way they would be able to see her is a full apology to me and my husband and a stop to their behavior. they refuse and say they’ve done nothing wrong, only looking out for me. my other family members say i’m being stubborn and they’re my parents i should just let them see their granddaughter, but i don’t think so, aita? [/INST] nta nah, you are right. i was ambivalent till you said that they cornered you and told you you made a mistake after the ceremony. that is crazy behavior. and cutting ties for three months when you were pregnant. this is controlling behavior. they are losing their hold on you and they are furious. stand your ground. </s>
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AITA for talking about when I was pregnant, even though I don't have children?
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long story short i can't carry to term. any time i was pregnant resulted in a miscarriage/sudden loss, and one time it was at 24 weeks. i'm okay with this. i'm not as maternal as i thought i would be, and am happy to be childfree, even if it was not by choice. i understand these are the cards i was dealt.
as such i keep mainly to myself. when we were working outside of home, three woman in my office became pregnant. i was more than happy to celebrate with them, etc well into their late terms, and celebrate when they had their kids too with gifts.
during these times we'd talk about pregnancy cravings, etc. id talk about mine, and we'd laugh about it. only one person in the office knew about my situation. now thatbwe work from home we communicate basically through text, another is pregnant. and we started talking about it all again.
the one person who knows my situation in my office messaged me privately telling me to stop talking about when i was pregnant, because i'm not a mother and since i won't be i shouldn't contribute. not gonna lie, truth kinda hurt but i understood why she said that. however now i feel like the ah for ever talking about it, and maybe she's right.
| 14,119 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n7bby2/aita_for_talking_about_when_i_was_pregnant_even/
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2021-05-07 22:54:08
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nta the coworker messaged you is a massive asshole just because your baby is not in your arms does not make you any less of a mother
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nta
you weren't contributing your experience with **motherhood**, you were talking about **pregnancy**.
##you've been pregnant.
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nta.
wow. that comment to you was brutal. like i-had-to-check-your-profile-to see-if-you-were-obviously-trolling brutal. your coworker is an asshole. this seems like a relationship-severing statement for them to make.
this might also be the sort of thing that might be worth recording and bring up with hr/your boss.
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nta unless you’re saying things like “when i was at your stage, before i lost my baby..” only because that specific turn of phrase would freak a pregnant woman out about miscarrying. if your conversations don’t typically turn awkward, there’s no reason for you to pretend you’ve never been pregnant.
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sorry if this is over dramatic but i feel like the coworker who privately told you you couldn’t talk about your very real pregnancies bc “you’re not a mother” should be terminated from that job or reprimanded in some serious way.
however you may feel about the situation is up to you, but nobody in a work setting has any right to say those things to you. that’s completely over the line.
nta
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nta. what do you mean you understand why she said that? her comment was just cruel and not okay. you experienced pregnancy and have the right to talk about it. you’re discussing pregnancy... not parenthood.
what if, you weren’t emotionally okay with your situation and talking about it with people was helping you somehow? her comment is gross
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nta. you were pregnant before and i don’t think that just because you miscarried, your experiences are invalidated. she’s the ah to tell you that.
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nta
never ever ever ta. you were pregnant. you have experienced pregnancy.
i'm so sorry that you are unable to carry to term and i can't even comprehend your strength.
this person needs to keep their opinions to themselves. end of.
when someone is pregnant, ill, struggling or just experiencing something new it helps massively to be able to talk about it. it can just be being heard or hearing other people's experiences to know you aren't alone.
i just don't understand the logic behind the comments made to you. you'd never tell someone not to talk about their driving tests just because they didn't pass.... or tell someone who survived cancer not to talk about it because they beat it.
you were pregnant. you experienced it and your advice and support could really help someone.
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nta, but the person who anointed herself the pregnancy experience gatekeeper certainly is.
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nta. i’ve been pregnant 6 times and have never been able to carry to term. i’m an old hand at the first trimester!
if someone told me i shouldn’t contribute to discussions regarding pregnancy i would absolutely lose my shit on them. tell her to eat rocks.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: long story short i can't carry to term. any time i was pregnant resulted in a miscarriage/sudden loss, and one time it was at 24 weeks. i'm okay with this. i'm not as maternal as i thought i would be, and am happy to be childfree, even if it was not by choice. i understand these are the cards i was dealt. as such i keep mainly to myself. when we were working outside of home, three woman in my office became pregnant. i was more than happy to celebrate with them, etc well into their late terms, and celebrate when they had their kids too with gifts. during these times we'd talk about pregnancy cravings, etc. id talk about mine, and we'd laugh about it. only one person in the office knew about my situation. now thatbwe work from home we communicate basically through text, another is pregnant. and we started talking about it all again. the one person who knows my situation in my office messaged me privately telling me to stop talking about when i was pregnant, because i'm not a mother and since i won't be i shouldn't contribute. not gonna lie, truth kinda hurt but i understood why she said that. however now i feel like the ah for ever talking about it, and maybe she's right.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
long story short i can't carry to term. any time i was pregnant resulted in a miscarriage/sudden loss, and one time it was at 24 weeks. i'm okay with this. i'm not as maternal as i thought i would be, and am happy to be childfree, even if it was not by choice. i understand these are the cards i was dealt. as such i keep mainly to myself. when we were working outside of home, three woman in my office became pregnant. i was more than happy to celebrate with them, etc well into their late terms, and celebrate when they had their kids too with gifts. during these times we'd talk about pregnancy cravings, etc. id talk about mine, and we'd laugh about it. only one person in the office knew about my situation. now thatbwe work from home we communicate basically through text, another is pregnant. and we started talking about it all again. the one person who knows my situation in my office messaged me privately telling me to stop talking about when i was pregnant, because i'm not a mother and since i won't be i shouldn't contribute. not gonna lie, truth kinda hurt but i understood why she said that. however now i feel like the ah for ever talking about it, and maybe she's right. [/INST] nta the coworker messaged you is a massive asshole just because your baby is not in your arms does not make you any less of a mother </s>
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AITA for having a car towed unnecessarily?
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my husband and i pay about $200/month for an assigned parking spot at our condo building. our spot sits empty about 90% of the time because we don’t have a car. we like having the spot mainly for guests because it is difficult to find parking on our block (we live in a major city).
last night, my sister who lives nearby asked if she could park her car in our spot on the way to airport this morning. she parks here occasionally when she goes out of town. i told her no problem. this morning she got here about 7am and found that someone was parked there. after about thirty minutes she was able to find parking on the street, but told me the city will ticket her car after 7pm so i needed to move it by then.
about an hour later i go out to the parking lot. i was annoyed that someone parked there and inconvenienced us. there were signs all around the lot about towing, so i called and had their vehicle towed. it was about 9am by the time the tow truck came, and i moved my sister’s car into my spot. my best guess is that someone who parks nearby noticed it’s usually empty and let a guest park there, but idk.
my husband said it was a bit of an asshole thing to do because we don’t really need our spot until later (7pm), so we could have given them more time to possibly move on their own. i feel i was justified because we pay for our spot and they are the asshole for parking there. there’s obviously nothing i can do to change it now, but i do feel a bit bad. so aita?
| 448 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bazhrg/aita_for_having_a_car_towed_unnecessarily/
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2019-04-08 21:35:29
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nta - you pay $200 for that spot and its entirely your decision if you want to leave it empty forever. you didn't have it towed unnecessarily, you just had it towed.
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nta
you pay for parking. that person does not.
you needed to use your parking spot that you pay for.
they got their car towed. i don’t feel bad for them at all because they knew there was a risk involved and either didn’t care or didn’t think it would happen.
i would have done the same thing
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nta, you pay for the spot to be available to you all of the time. $200 for 24/7 access. your husband sounds like a pushover
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nta. this reminds me of this youtube series where this business is constantly having to tow cars even when the lot is empty because they may need the spots and plenty of signs are posted to let them know not to park there but people ignore it anyways. the way i see it, you pay $200 a month and people should know not to park in a spot that is not theirs. if they do, they do so at their own risk. you've got a life to live and shouldn't have to waste it waiting for them to leave.
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nta - the signs say clearly that you'll be towed for parking without proper authority to do so. and it is your spot, whether there's usually a car in it or not.
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nta: the person that parked in your spot made the choice to risk getting towed, especially since there are signs that specifically say towing will occur. you maybe could have waited. but you pay for that spot, the person that parked there does not.
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nta - i sympathize with your husband's point that you could have waited until later in the day. but the spot is yours, so if you want to tow the car right away, rather than having to think about it all day and check on the spot multiple times, then that's your prerogative.
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nta: you pay for it not them.
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nta. that's what the towing service is for.
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nta it's actually illegal for them to park there as it's counted as trespassing (though that may only be in the uk.)
you gave them 2 hours. that's long enough. there are signs up. they just need to read and learn.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i pay about $200/month for an assigned parking spot at our condo building. our spot sits empty about 90% of the time because we don’t have a car. we like having the spot mainly for guests because it is difficult to find parking on our block (we live in a major city). last night, my sister who lives nearby asked if she could park her car in our spot on the way to airport this morning. she parks here occasionally when she goes out of town. i told her no problem. this morning she got here about 7am and found that someone was parked there. after about thirty minutes she was able to find parking on the street, but told me the city will ticket her car after 7pm so i needed to move it by then. about an hour later i go out to the parking lot. i was annoyed that someone parked there and inconvenienced us. there were signs all around the lot about towing, so i called and had their vehicle towed. it was about 9am by the time the tow truck came, and i moved my sister’s car into my spot. my best guess is that someone who parks nearby noticed it’s usually empty and let a guest park there, but idk. my husband said it was a bit of an asshole thing to do because we don’t really need our spot until later (7pm), so we could have given them more time to possibly move on their own. i feel i was justified because we pay for our spot and they are the asshole for parking there. there’s obviously nothing i can do to change it now, but i do feel a bit bad. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i pay about $200/month for an assigned parking spot at our condo building. our spot sits empty about 90% of the time because we don’t have a car. we like having the spot mainly for guests because it is difficult to find parking on our block (we live in a major city). last night, my sister who lives nearby asked if she could park her car in our spot on the way to airport this morning. she parks here occasionally when she goes out of town. i told her no problem. this morning she got here about 7am and found that someone was parked there. after about thirty minutes she was able to find parking on the street, but told me the city will ticket her car after 7pm so i needed to move it by then. about an hour later i go out to the parking lot. i was annoyed that someone parked there and inconvenienced us. there were signs all around the lot about towing, so i called and had their vehicle towed. it was about 9am by the time the tow truck came, and i moved my sister’s car into my spot. my best guess is that someone who parks nearby noticed it’s usually empty and let a guest park there, but idk. my husband said it was a bit of an asshole thing to do because we don’t really need our spot until later (7pm), so we could have given them more time to possibly move on their own. i feel i was justified because we pay for our spot and they are the asshole for parking there. there’s obviously nothing i can do to change it now, but i do feel a bit bad. so aita? [/INST] nta - you pay $200 for that spot and its entirely your decision if you want to leave it empty forever. you didn't have it towed unnecessarily, you just had it towed. </s>
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AITA for actually re-homing our dog?
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my family recently got this young german shepherd. my mom and dad thought they were gonna both be hard at work training her but that isn't true. my dad is obsessed with the dog. he lets her get away with anything and "spoils" her which actually harms her a lot. my dad is retired and my mom and i work full time (i'm still a student so i am often at school or work and only home at night except weekends) and he promised he'd do a lot of work training her. he does not. he doesn't want to be "mean" to her. my mom is crate training her but my dad will let her out immediately. he lets her jump, bark, chase people, bite, everything. he also regularly fed her human food that's not good for her because she'd beg for it. then he'd wonder why she vomitted all the time. my mom and i tried to undo the damage but it's really hard because he is regularly inconsistent.
my mom and my dad argued about it a lot into having my dad actually change his behavior but he refuses. eventually, my mom got so sick she told him that by the end of the month (this time last month) and he didn't make any changes to how he would train the dog, she would re-home it. my dad was scared of losing the dog but ultimately did nothing to train her or do anything. my mom and i were really mad at that. i hate to say it, but i don't have a problem getting rid of the dog. i didn't form an emotional connection with her at all because my dad wouldn't let me play with her or spend time with her and she was just a badly trained dog. my mom probably felt the same.
i got into contact with a family i worked with that would love to take our dog. i trust them to be a good family as they had a german shepherd before and they raised it wonderfully. i told my mom and she asked me a couple times if i was sure i was okay to re-home the dog and she said okay. my dad noticed the family coming over to meet the dog and prepare to take her into their home. he was really confused and kept asking my mom what was happening. she said that she is upholding what she said a month ago. there was a bit of a scene during the process but i tried to stay away.
my dad cry-yelled all night at my mom and i for taking the dog away. i snapped and said she'd have a way better life in her new home and we warned him to shape up or else this would happen. i've never seen my dad this broken up over something and i sometimes wonder if my mom and i were too drastic.
| 350 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jb1qr4/aita_for_actually_rehoming_our_dog/
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2020-10-14 14:30:52
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nta
your mom has an equal say in keeping the dog and gave you permission to re-home it.
i feel bad for your dad and think there could have been an interim attempt to get a trainer for the dog or send it to school but when it comes to, "*he also regularly fed her human food that's not good for her ... she vomited all the time*," i have to side with what's best for the dog.
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nta. a badly trained puppy is one thing, but your dad was raising what was going to be a badly trained, 80-pound dog that could be a danger to members of your household and those around you. all it would take is one play bite of a kid in the neighborhood and the dog would be put down.
if your dad wants a pet he doesn't have to train get him a hamster.
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nta. your dad is really out of line on this. he acting like a child because he couldn't be bothered to do the bare minimum with the dog when you guys told him what would happen.
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dogs need discipline. especially working breeds like gsd.
we trained our gsds ourselves, but we also attended courses for search and rescue. while they never had to use their s&r skills, the extra training and exercise they received were priceless. we also had a homemade agility course that they loved.
my gsds were so well trained, we could take their food from them without growling, we could brush their teeth without biting, we could walk them without leashes (where it was allowed). my favorite commands were “gentle”, when they’d take a treat *ever so gently* from my hand, and “whisper”, when they’d give me the *smallest woof* they could muster. ugh, i miss them so much.
refusing to train a dog is neglect.
nta.
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nta: i honestly feel bad for your dad, but he didn't hold up his end of the bargain. perhaps he could volunteer with a shelter or something and learn how important training is to help dogs succeed in their new home? i suspect he may be a bit depressed anyway and this dog was therapeutic for him but he just didn't understand the training needs. that's why i'm suggesting volunteering.
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nta. y'all and the dog deserve better than that
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nta. i'm surprised (but not really) that your father is acting this way. this is more on line with how i'd expect a very young child to react.
actions have consequences. your father wasn't taking proper care of the dog. that's not fair to the poor thing. your mother decided it would be better to find the dog a new home instead of letting it become destructive. and now your father will (hopefully) never doubt your mother's backbone again.
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nta. did the best for the dog and your family. and re-homed directly which is the best case scenario
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nta. your dad has more than enough time to shape up. the dog clearly wasn't important enough to him that he was willing to change how he does things.
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nta. the dog deserves a good life, and for that it has to be raised and trained at least to a certain degree so that both the dog and its owners can enjoy each other company without conflict.
even though i feel a bit bad for your father, it was obvious that he liked the dog but didn't care about or for it. i don't know how old your dad is or what mental condition he's in, but this is pretty unacceptable.
hopefully the dog will have a better life with the new family.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my family recently got this young german shepherd. my mom and dad thought they were gonna both be hard at work training her but that isn't true. my dad is obsessed with the dog. he lets her get away with anything and "spoils" her which actually harms her a lot. my dad is retired and my mom and i work full time (i'm still a student so i am often at school or work and only home at night except weekends) and he promised he'd do a lot of work training her. he does not. he doesn't want to be "mean" to her. my mom is crate training her but my dad will let her out immediately. he lets her jump, bark, chase people, bite, everything. he also regularly fed her human food that's not good for her because she'd beg for it. then he'd wonder why she vomitted all the time. my mom and i tried to undo the damage but it's really hard because he is regularly inconsistent. my mom and my dad argued about it a lot into having my dad actually change his behavior but he refuses. eventually, my mom got so sick she told him that by the end of the month (this time last month) and he didn't make any changes to how he would train the dog, she would re-home it. my dad was scared of losing the dog but ultimately did nothing to train her or do anything. my mom and i were really mad at that. i hate to say it, but i don't have a problem getting rid of the dog. i didn't form an emotional connection with her at all because my dad wouldn't let me play with her or spend time with her and she was just a badly trained dog. my mom probably felt the same. i got into contact with a family i worked with that would love to take our dog. i trust them to be a good family as they had a german shepherd before and they raised it wonderfully. i told my mom and she asked me a couple times if i was sure i was okay to re-home the dog and she said okay. my dad noticed the family coming over to meet the dog and prepare to take her into their home. he was really confused and kept asking my mom what was happening. she said that she is upholding what she said a month ago. there was a bit of a scene during the process but i tried to stay away. my dad cry-yelled all night at my mom and i for taking the dog away. i snapped and said she'd have a way better life in her new home and we warned him to shape up or else this would happen. i've never seen my dad this broken up over something and i sometimes wonder if my mom and i were too drastic.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my family recently got this young german shepherd. my mom and dad thought they were gonna both be hard at work training her but that isn't true. my dad is obsessed with the dog. he lets her get away with anything and "spoils" her which actually harms her a lot. my dad is retired and my mom and i work full time (i'm still a student so i am often at school or work and only home at night except weekends) and he promised he'd do a lot of work training her. he does not. he doesn't want to be "mean" to her. my mom is crate training her but my dad will let her out immediately. he lets her jump, bark, chase people, bite, everything. he also regularly fed her human food that's not good for her because she'd beg for it. then he'd wonder why she vomitted all the time. my mom and i tried to undo the damage but it's really hard because he is regularly inconsistent. my mom and my dad argued about it a lot into having my dad actually change his behavior but he refuses. eventually, my mom got so sick she told him that by the end of the month (this time last month) and he didn't make any changes to how he would train the dog, she would re-home it. my dad was scared of losing the dog but ultimately did nothing to train her or do anything. my mom and i were really mad at that. i hate to say it, but i don't have a problem getting rid of the dog. i didn't form an emotional connection with her at all because my dad wouldn't let me play with her or spend time with her and she was just a badly trained dog. my mom probably felt the same. i got into contact with a family i worked with that would love to take our dog. i trust them to be a good family as they had a german shepherd before and they raised it wonderfully. i told my mom and she asked me a couple times if i was sure i was okay to re-home the dog and she said okay. my dad noticed the family coming over to meet the dog and prepare to take her into their home. he was really confused and kept asking my mom what was happening. she said that she is upholding what she said a month ago. there was a bit of a scene during the process but i tried to stay away. my dad cry-yelled all night at my mom and i for taking the dog away. i snapped and said she'd have a way better life in her new home and we warned him to shape up or else this would happen. i've never seen my dad this broken up over something and i sometimes wonder if my mom and i were too drastic. [/INST] nta your mom has an equal say in keeping the dog and gave you permission to re-home it. i feel bad for your dad and think there could have been an interim attempt to get a trainer for the dog or send it to school but when it comes to, "*he also regularly fed her human food that's not good for her ... she vomited all the time*," i have to side with what's best for the dog. </s>
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AITA for kicking my friend out of our holiday planning?
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so this is about my best friend (f22) her child (f3) my boyfriend (m27) and me (f20).me and my boyfriend planned our first vacation we would have together, it would also be the first vacation in my life. we planned on going to amsterdam for a week because his best friend lives there and because i'm a person who enjoys weed.i had the idea to include my best friend p into our plans because she is a stoner as well and my boyfriend didnt mind at all. when i asked her if she wanted to join us she was over the moon, finally her first vacation after the birth of her daughter.the plan was that her parents would watch over her child for the week. they said it was fine and they would love to spend some time with their only grandchild.so all was well and we started planning on where to go and what to do etc. we settled on camping and and splitting the cost of the gas to get there and camping place between us 3 so everyone would pay aroung 100€.2 weeks ago she started to worry that she can't leave her daughter alone for so long and wanted to stay less than a week, ok sure we settled on 5 days. a few days later she again talked about how long she would be away from her daughter and said she only wanted to go for 3 days. my boyfriend and i already went down 2 days so we told her no. she got really angry and upset saying we were ruining her vacation..i was stunned it was a vacation that my boyfriend and i planned and we included her because we felt she maybe liked to go with us.. i firmly told her that this was not something we were going to do and if she wanted she could book her own vacation.there was silence for a few days between us and 2 days ago she texted me again. she said she had a great idea and we could even stay a whole week or even longer. her idea was that we were going to take her daughter with us.i was absolutley against that idea and so was my boyfriend. we were going to amsterdam by car in a mini there was no place for all the extra stuff we needed for her daughter to come with us. there was also no way we could include her daughter because we wanted to smoke and relax.she said we could still go that we just needed to take less stuff with us. and the smoking part is no problem because my bofriend doesnt smoke and he can watch after her daughter. absolutely no. its his vacation as well and he is not there to babysit her child.now she is angry with us and telling me im a horrible friend that we are ruining her only chance of relaxation..so am i the idiot here?
im sorry for spelling mistakes english isnt my first language.
edit1: thank all of you who have commented on my post. (: i'm going to take the advice some that of you have suggested and tell her that my boyfriend and i will be going our full 7 days of vacation without her. i will suggest to her if she wants to go away for a weekend with all 4 of us to a more kid friendly location so she and her little girl can have a nice vacation as well.
i will update you a second time when i talked with her about that.
| 529 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hnevu5/aita_for_kicking_my_friend_out_of_our_holiday/
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2020-07-08 10:48:21
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nta at all, you’re supposed to be on a vacation. if her daughter came with you then your entire vacation would turn into you having to cater to the needs of her and her 3 year old. your friend doesn’t sound like she’s ready to leave her daughter behind, it would probably be better for her not to go. you’ve already compromised once and she is pushing for even more
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nta you and your boyfriend need to go it alone. if your friend is this problematic now, just imagine how she’ll be on the trip.
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nta
so you were basically going to amsterdam to get high, doesn't sound like the first vacation idea to do with a 3 yo with you.
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nta, you planned a holiday, offered your friend to join then she started trying to change the rules, to which you at first agreed ( making you a great friend in fact ). she then tried to lessen the vacation even more for only her in which she didn’t consider either of you and then kicked off when you refused. the final plan she had is just ludicrous.
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nta she’s abusing a perfectly nice invite. she has the choice to leave the daughter which she agreed upon and now she’s changing the terms for wanting to bring her which you have every right to say no because it wasn’t part of the original agreement and your reasoning is solid.
uninvited her, you can say why you have and she is the unreasonable one taking advantage of your original offer.
she’ll say you don’t like her or her daughter but it’s not about liking them it’s about there was an agreement and she didn’t stick to it and is being selfish trying to change plans only to suit her needs
have a fun week just you two
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nta ooooor you could go for a week. she could join you for 3 days and then go home.
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nta
entitlement is a sickness that should be nipped in the butt.
childfree is childfree, and demanding your bf to give up his holiday so she can relax, is a sign of a bad friend.
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absolutely nta. it is your vacation too. tell her either she figures out an arrangement for her to get home earlier, or she just doesn't go. tell her there is no discussion to be had, no negotiating a different deal. you already compromised by opting to stay 5 days. any response guilt tripping you or getting mad just ignore or reply simply, "sorry, this is our vacation too and we are not willing to change it further."
if she gets mad, so be it. let her stay home and be angry. she will eventually realize she acted like a fool and shot herself in the foot. if she doesn't, she is selfish and not someone who would be a fun friend down the road.
you even inviting her along was nice. she should be happy with that alone.
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no nta life doesn't revolve around your friend and her child. it's up to her her to find suitable child care and tough shit if she cant. you guys invited her on your holiday not the other way round.
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nta. even if she agrees to go back to the original plan, pls drop her. she will whine about missing her kid on the trip too and blame you for it. you and your boyfriend were already kind enough to shorten the trip to 5 days and she still wanted it her way. your decision is fair. enjoy your trip with your boyfriend.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so this is about my best friend (f22) her child (f3) my boyfriend (m27) and me (f20).me and my boyfriend planned our first vacation we would have together, it would also be the first vacation in my life. we planned on going to amsterdam for a week because his best friend lives there and because i'm a person who enjoys weed.i had the idea to include my best friend p into our plans because she is a stoner as well and my boyfriend didnt mind at all. when i asked her if she wanted to join us she was over the moon, finally her first vacation after the birth of her daughter.the plan was that her parents would watch over her child for the week. they said it was fine and they would love to spend some time with their only grandchild.so all was well and we started planning on where to go and what to do etc. we settled on camping and and splitting the cost of the gas to get there and camping place between us 3 so everyone would pay aroung 100€.2 weeks ago she started to worry that she can't leave her daughter alone for so long and wanted to stay less than a week, ok sure we settled on 5 days. a few days later she again talked about how long she would be away from her daughter and said she only wanted to go for 3 days. my boyfriend and i already went down 2 days so we told her no. she got really angry and upset saying we were ruining her vacation..i was stunned it was a vacation that my boyfriend and i planned and we included her because we felt she maybe liked to go with us.. i firmly told her that this was not something we were going to do and if she wanted she could book her own vacation.there was silence for a few days between us and 2 days ago she texted me again. she said she had a great idea and we could even stay a whole week or even longer. her idea was that we were going to take her daughter with us.i was absolutley against that idea and so was my boyfriend. we were going to amsterdam by car in a mini there was no place for all the extra stuff we needed for her daughter to come with us. there was also no way we could include her daughter because we wanted to smoke and relax.she said we could still go that we just needed to take less stuff with us. and the smoking part is no problem because my bofriend doesnt smoke and he can watch after her daughter. absolutely no. its his vacation as well and he is not there to babysit her child.now she is angry with us and telling me im a horrible friend that we are ruining her only chance of relaxation..so am i the idiot here? im sorry for spelling mistakes english isnt my first language. edit1: thank all of you who have commented on my post. (: i'm going to take the advice some that of you have suggested and tell her that my boyfriend and i will be going our full 7 days of vacation without her. i will suggest to her if she wants to go away for a weekend with all 4 of us to a more kid friendly location so she and her little girl can have a nice vacation as well. i will update you a second time when i talked with her about that.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so this is about my best friend (f22) her child (f3) my boyfriend (m27) and me (f20).me and my boyfriend planned our first vacation we would have together, it would also be the first vacation in my life. we planned on going to amsterdam for a week because his best friend lives there and because i'm a person who enjoys weed.i had the idea to include my best friend p into our plans because she is a stoner as well and my boyfriend didnt mind at all. when i asked her if she wanted to join us she was over the moon, finally her first vacation after the birth of her daughter.the plan was that her parents would watch over her child for the week. they said it was fine and they would love to spend some time with their only grandchild.so all was well and we started planning on where to go and what to do etc. we settled on camping and and splitting the cost of the gas to get there and camping place between us 3 so everyone would pay aroung 100€.2 weeks ago she started to worry that she can't leave her daughter alone for so long and wanted to stay less than a week, ok sure we settled on 5 days. a few days later she again talked about how long she would be away from her daughter and said she only wanted to go for 3 days. my boyfriend and i already went down 2 days so we told her no. she got really angry and upset saying we were ruining her vacation..i was stunned it was a vacation that my boyfriend and i planned and we included her because we felt she maybe liked to go with us.. i firmly told her that this was not something we were going to do and if she wanted she could book her own vacation.there was silence for a few days between us and 2 days ago she texted me again. she said she had a great idea and we could even stay a whole week or even longer. her idea was that we were going to take her daughter with us.i was absolutley against that idea and so was my boyfriend. we were going to amsterdam by car in a mini there was no place for all the extra stuff we needed for her daughter to come with us. there was also no way we could include her daughter because we wanted to smoke and relax.she said we could still go that we just needed to take less stuff with us. and the smoking part is no problem because my bofriend doesnt smoke and he can watch after her daughter. absolutely no. its his vacation as well and he is not there to babysit her child.now she is angry with us and telling me im a horrible friend that we are ruining her only chance of relaxation..so am i the idiot here? im sorry for spelling mistakes english isnt my first language. edit1: thank all of you who have commented on my post. (: i'm going to take the advice some that of you have suggested and tell her that my boyfriend and i will be going our full 7 days of vacation without her. i will suggest to her if she wants to go away for a weekend with all 4 of us to a more kid friendly location so she and her little girl can have a nice vacation as well. i will update you a second time when i talked with her about that. [/INST] nta at all, you’re supposed to be on a vacation. if her daughter came with you then your entire vacation would turn into you having to cater to the needs of her and her 3 year old. your friend doesn’t sound like she’s ready to leave her daughter behind, it would probably be better for her not to go. you’ve already compromised once and she is pushing for even more </s>
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AITA for hating the mattress my husband bought?
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my husband and i needed a new mattress. husband is a technophile and researched the best mattresses across multiple independent review sites and landed on a brilliantly reviewed all singing, all dancing memory foam one. only one problem, i have (not for the past year!) travelled a lot with work, sleeping in many different hotels and memory foam mattresses are my sleep nemesis. i hate them. i explained this and asked that we look at alternatives. having described what i feel most comfortable on, he found one example on one bed site that was twice what he was willing to pay and shut down the conversation.
the next day, while we were both working from home and i had a tight deadline, he came into my workroom to again plug the merits of the memory foam. i was really busy and after 10 minutes of him going on at me while i tried to work, i snapped and told him to get whatever the hell he wants.
a week later and we are 2 “sleeps” in and the mattress is as hideous as anticipated, worse if anything, the all singing all dancing nature means that the foam is incredibly dense and retains so much heat. the gasses it is releasing are setting off my asthma, giving me headaches and dizziness and all of my joints are aching.
despite all this my husband expects me to love it and is hurt that i don’t. he is focusing on the moment that i told him to buy whatever he wants and doesn’t seem to understand that he didn’t listen to my experience and then badgered me at a completely inappropriate time. i accept that i should have been more forceful in asking to speak about it later, but from past experience he’s not the type to backdown to one person’s experience when a review site outcome is concerned.
| 11,400 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kz3usj/aita_for_hating_the_mattress_my_husband_bought/
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2021-01-17 10:05:38
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nta at all. this seems like you have much larger communication issues. disrespecting your very clearly stated wishes and trying to win this argument on a technicality (?!?!) is very concerning behavior from your husband. he pressured you in a difficult moment to get his way. this is your sleep! your opinion matters so much! i hope he’s reasonable and wonderful in other areas of your life, because this is not ok. you need a new mattress that fits both of your needs. and perhaps marriage counseling.
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nta. your husband bullied you into the mattress. hope he likes sleeping alone when you inevitably get your own bed in another room. and who could blame you?
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nta. he relied on feedback from strangers rather than your input. look online reviews are potentially great but they aren't you, and they aren't flawless. he needs to send it back and agree on ground rules about what type of mattresses you are willing to consider. (i hate memory foam myself.)
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nta memory foam mattresses are literally the worst so i agree with you on that. it’s the fact he didn’t listen to any of your feelings and him saying “oh but you told me to get whatever i wanted” is a cop out.
a mattress is something you spend a lot of time on and it’s important that it suits all your needs. imo i think it’s something that is worth spending extra money on.
could it be returned? i don’t believe reviews on websites are the best way to shop for a mattress. you need to go to a store together and try them out for yourself (not sure if your country so that may not be a possibility right now).
if you can’t come to an agreement. get 2 single beds, mattress of your choice and push them together lol
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so you found a good mattress that would have fit both of y’all but it was double price so he said no? and got a cheap one that suits him but fucks you over.... i thought ppl knew by now that beds are one of the few things you splurge on. yikes
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nta. every husband knows that "do whatever you want" never ever means "do whatever you want". ever.
you gave your opinion on a new mattress, made it clear in a conversation how he needed to find something that wasn't memory foam and he chose to ignore it ti get what he wanted.
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nta, he clearly knew you did not want that mattress. if he's so stubborn about the thing even though he sees you suffering, you need a serious talk. your health should be a priority, that mattress is a hazard for you.
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i hope he got one with a 'money back if you aren't satisfied after 60 days' guarantee.
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esh- if money was a deal breaker for him, and memory foam was a deal breaker for you, you both should’ve talked about alternatives like cheaper spring mattresses. you shouldn’t have given in and expressed he could choose whatever if you didn’t really mean it. also, any mattress is going to smell as soon as it arrives. i think if you loved the mattress you’d be much more understanding of the smell. you’re supposed to give them 72 hours or so before using them. that is also on you. take the couch while the smell releases for your health.
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imo it's kinda shady to ask for something when the other person is clearly busy. you two should've picked the mattress together.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
| null | 0.024102 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i needed a new mattress. husband is a technophile and researched the best mattresses across multiple independent review sites and landed on a brilliantly reviewed all singing, all dancing memory foam one. only one problem, i have (not for the past year!) travelled a lot with work, sleeping in many different hotels and memory foam mattresses are my sleep nemesis. i hate them. i explained this and asked that we look at alternatives. having described what i feel most comfortable on, he found one example on one bed site that was twice what he was willing to pay and shut down the conversation. the next day, while we were both working from home and i had a tight deadline, he came into my workroom to again plug the merits of the memory foam. i was really busy and after 10 minutes of him going on at me while i tried to work, i snapped and told him to get whatever the hell he wants. a week later and we are 2 “sleeps” in and the mattress is as hideous as anticipated, worse if anything, the all singing all dancing nature means that the foam is incredibly dense and retains so much heat. the gasses it is releasing are setting off my asthma, giving me headaches and dizziness and all of my joints are aching. despite all this my husband expects me to love it and is hurt that i don’t. he is focusing on the moment that i told him to buy whatever he wants and doesn’t seem to understand that he didn’t listen to my experience and then badgered me at a completely inappropriate time. i accept that i should have been more forceful in asking to speak about it later, but from past experience he’s not the type to backdown to one person’s experience when a review site outcome is concerned.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i needed a new mattress. husband is a technophile and researched the best mattresses across multiple independent review sites and landed on a brilliantly reviewed all singing, all dancing memory foam one. only one problem, i have (not for the past year!) travelled a lot with work, sleeping in many different hotels and memory foam mattresses are my sleep nemesis. i hate them. i explained this and asked that we look at alternatives. having described what i feel most comfortable on, he found one example on one bed site that was twice what he was willing to pay and shut down the conversation. the next day, while we were both working from home and i had a tight deadline, he came into my workroom to again plug the merits of the memory foam. i was really busy and after 10 minutes of him going on at me while i tried to work, i snapped and told him to get whatever the hell he wants. a week later and we are 2 “sleeps” in and the mattress is as hideous as anticipated, worse if anything, the all singing all dancing nature means that the foam is incredibly dense and retains so much heat. the gasses it is releasing are setting off my asthma, giving me headaches and dizziness and all of my joints are aching. despite all this my husband expects me to love it and is hurt that i don’t. he is focusing on the moment that i told him to buy whatever he wants and doesn’t seem to understand that he didn’t listen to my experience and then badgered me at a completely inappropriate time. i accept that i should have been more forceful in asking to speak about it later, but from past experience he’s not the type to backdown to one person’s experience when a review site outcome is concerned. [/INST] nta at all. this seems like you have much larger communication issues. disrespecting your very clearly stated wishes and trying to win this argument on a technicality (?!?!) is very concerning behavior from your husband. he pressured you in a difficult moment to get his way. this is your sleep! your opinion matters so much! i hope he’s reasonable and wonderful in other areas of your life, because this is not ok. you need a new mattress that fits both of your needs. and perhaps marriage counseling. </s>
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AITA for not letting my friend take the credit for me getting into University?
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i (39f) recently got accepted in a very prestigious university as a mature student. i’m due to start in a few weeks’ time.
one of my classmates from my access course (58f) feels that i only got my place because of her.
she’d kind of latched on to me in class and kept giving me unsolicited advice. a lot of the advice she dishes out is not very helpful but i tend to just let her ramble on because i get the sense that it makes her feel good.
she is also incredibly patronising towards me for example she was saying that she would broaden my horizons by showing me around london (where she lives) - then got annoyed with me when i pointed out to her that i used to live and work in london several years ago (i think she assumed i was a hick).
she keeps saying that her advice was the tipping point for me getting my life on track. this isn’t remotely true as i actually have a very good tutor at my uni who had given me a lot of genuine guidance, and i’d already decided to apply for uni without her input and have lots of to-do lists and wall planners at home where i organise what i’m doing with my life.
i feel like the misunderstanding may be partly my fault because i’m neurodivergent (autistic) and i know people sometimes misread me or underestimate me because i’m introverted.
but it’s an awkward situation because she doesn’t believe in autism, and gets annoyed if i mention it because she sees it as a victim identity.
i’ve already apologised to her but i’m kind of hurt that she called me a narcissist for not wanting her advice.
before anyone pulls me up on this i am very grateful to my many friends who have been there for me during my university application process and i know i’ve been very blessed. i just don’t think that someone who sits next to me in class and tells me how to dress and who to date should get credit for my university place.
tldr: my bossy classmate thinks i only got into uni because of her and yelled at me and called me a narcissist when i didn’t agree.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xasbug/aita_for_not_letting_my_friend_take_the_credit/
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2022-09-10 15:37:04
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nta. i’d find a new seat in class. she sounds insufferable.
edited to add that she’s ignorant and offensive with her bs about “not believing in autism”. autism is not like santa claus or the easter bunny, which one does get the option whether to believe in.
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nta
your classmate sounds like the narcissist. i think you should distance yourself from her. she seems to have a toxic influence on your emotional health.
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nta
<<<but it’s an awkward situation because she doesn’t believe in autism, and gets annoyed if i mention it because she sees it as a victim identity.>>>
this person is not your friend. you don't need that bullshit in your life. also she sounds totally full of herself.
is she in your program? or can you just avoid her? i would talk to your guidance counselor about this, in case she keeps escalating.
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nta
she’s the narcissist for thinking her “advices” are needed and wise. she’s disillusioned.
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nta. tell that woman to fuck right off and stop entertaining her bullshit. you didn’t ask for a mentor and you certainly don’t have to listen to her criticize you so that she can feel important.
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nta. your classmate is a bully, and you should try to distance yourself from her. not “believing” in autism, especially at the point you’re at in your lives, is not acceptable. you got accepted into university because of your hard work, not because of her advice.
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[deleted]
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nta. even if any of her advice was helpful it was your hard work and academic success that led to your acceptance.
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nta - your classmate is seriously projecting her narcissism onto you. you didn’t even owe her an apology in the first time. and congratulations on starting university!
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nta. she's just an awful person. anyone who denies medical diagnoses and arm chair diagnoses people is a bad person.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (39f) recently got accepted in a very prestigious university as a mature student. i’m due to start in a few weeks’ time. one of my classmates from my access course (58f) feels that i only got my place because of her. she’d kind of latched on to me in class and kept giving me unsolicited advice. a lot of the advice she dishes out is not very helpful but i tend to just let her ramble on because i get the sense that it makes her feel good. she is also incredibly patronising towards me for example she was saying that she would broaden my horizons by showing me around london (where she lives) - then got annoyed with me when i pointed out to her that i used to live and work in london several years ago (i think she assumed i was a hick). she keeps saying that her advice was the tipping point for me getting my life on track. this isn’t remotely true as i actually have a very good tutor at my uni who had given me a lot of genuine guidance, and i’d already decided to apply for uni without her input and have lots of to-do lists and wall planners at home where i organise what i’m doing with my life. i feel like the misunderstanding may be partly my fault because i’m neurodivergent (autistic) and i know people sometimes misread me or underestimate me because i’m introverted. but it’s an awkward situation because she doesn’t believe in autism, and gets annoyed if i mention it because she sees it as a victim identity. i’ve already apologised to her but i’m kind of hurt that she called me a narcissist for not wanting her advice. before anyone pulls me up on this i am very grateful to my many friends who have been there for me during my university application process and i know i’ve been very blessed. i just don’t think that someone who sits next to me in class and tells me how to dress and who to date should get credit for my university place. tldr: my bossy classmate thinks i only got into uni because of her and yelled at me and called me a narcissist when i didn’t agree.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (39f) recently got accepted in a very prestigious university as a mature student. i’m due to start in a few weeks’ time. one of my classmates from my access course (58f) feels that i only got my place because of her. she’d kind of latched on to me in class and kept giving me unsolicited advice. a lot of the advice she dishes out is not very helpful but i tend to just let her ramble on because i get the sense that it makes her feel good. she is also incredibly patronising towards me for example she was saying that she would broaden my horizons by showing me around london (where she lives) - then got annoyed with me when i pointed out to her that i used to live and work in london several years ago (i think she assumed i was a hick). she keeps saying that her advice was the tipping point for me getting my life on track. this isn’t remotely true as i actually have a very good tutor at my uni who had given me a lot of genuine guidance, and i’d already decided to apply for uni without her input and have lots of to-do lists and wall planners at home where i organise what i’m doing with my life. i feel like the misunderstanding may be partly my fault because i’m neurodivergent (autistic) and i know people sometimes misread me or underestimate me because i’m introverted. but it’s an awkward situation because she doesn’t believe in autism, and gets annoyed if i mention it because she sees it as a victim identity. i’ve already apologised to her but i’m kind of hurt that she called me a narcissist for not wanting her advice. before anyone pulls me up on this i am very grateful to my many friends who have been there for me during my university application process and i know i’ve been very blessed. i just don’t think that someone who sits next to me in class and tells me how to dress and who to date should get credit for my university place. tldr: my bossy classmate thinks i only got into uni because of her and yelled at me and called me a narcissist when i didn’t agree. [/INST] nta. i’d find a new seat in class. she sounds insufferable. edited to add that she’s ignorant and offensive with her bs about “not believing in autism”. autism is not like santa claus or the easter bunny, which one does get the option whether to believe in. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to give any of my dogs to my cousin?
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now to give a little bit of back around, i (f19) currently have 3 dogs, i got 2 of my dogs from my grandpa and my recent puppy from a friend (all chihuahuas lol)
my grandpa’s dog ended up having 2 litters about 1 &1/2 years apart, and each time he gave me the runt of each litter, now what i didn’t know is that my cousin(f17) had begged him to give her a puppy but both times he apparently said that he had planned on selling them and wasn’t giving any of his grandkids puppies, i asked him about it after the issue came to light and he said that he said that cause he didn’t trust her with them
now i’ve had them for a while at this point when my cousin decided to drop by because she needed to return something my mom let her borrow
she made a comment about how one of my dogs looked like our grandpa’s derpy chihuahua (aka stumpy and tan) and i laughed and said it’s because they’re related, she kinda made a face and got confused and started asking questions only to find out 2 of my chihuahuas are from our grandpa, she got pissed saying that it wasn’t fair i got two and she didn’t get one, saying i should give her one, i laughed cause i thought she was joking, she was not, i refused, i’m not uprooting my dogs entire lives just because she’s mad she didn’t get a dog and then she said i should give her the chihuahua puppy my friend gave me since she’s not grown yet so it’s not like changing her home is going to do her any harm, i basically told her she was insane, that my friend gave her to me cause she’s a runt and knew i’d take good care of her given my current history with runt puppies, she kept trying to argue about it, saying it wasn’t fair and that i’m being selfish so i just told her tough shit and that she needs to leave now
she left after i refused to indulge in her insane idea, but now my aunt and uncle are contacting me saying i need to apologize for being too harsh, and it’s causing some bad blood between them and my mom, that she’s been crying nonstop, i mean maybe i was too harsh but she was basically demanding that i give her one of my pets which warranted that sort of reaction from me, i honestly don’t know, i’m lost right now and i just need honest opinions
aita?
| 502 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oxoqyq/aita_for_not_wanting_to_give_any_of_my_dogs_to_my/
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2021-08-04 09:09:15
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nta. people who so blatantly treat animals as objects and property shouldn't own them.
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nta her parents can get her a puppy if they think she should have one, and it doesn't sound as if she should . what's yours is yours, and you shouldn't be expected to give away your babies to random people who demand them. they're not toys, they're living creatures that can be hurt.
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nta. she basically asked you to give up a family member and then went in a huff when you refused. i can see why your grandpa didn't want to give her a puppy, they're accessories to her.
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nta. there's a very good reason your grandfather didn't want to give her a puppy so it would be a mistake for you to do so.
unless your cousin proves responsibility and that she can be trusted, she shouldn't have any pets
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nta. your grandpa and your friend gave them to you, not your cousin. your cousin has no right to any of the dogs. she's being rude and entitled.
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nta she was trying to take one of your dogs.... no if she wants a dog she can save up and get her own not try and take one of yours, i get she wanted one from your grandads bloodline.... but there was a reason he didn't give one to her
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nta and you should probably talk to your grandfather about the interaction so he’s in the loop. and you may wanna tell your parents and make it clear that you will not be giving any of your dogs to anyone. make sure everyone’s on the same page so no little chi’s go missing.
and if you hadn’t yet, microchips for all puppies.
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nta - spay / neuter your dogs
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nta if she’s that desperate for a dog she can just buy one herself or go to a dog rescue. the fact she thinks that dogs can just be passed around like tupperware is just proof that she doesn’t understand what it takes to be a good dog owner. your grandad made the right decision.
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nta. the idea that you should just give up one of your dogs, who are like family to you, is, like you said, insane. you also tried to be nice about it, but she kept pushing the issue. you eventually losing your cool was inevitable, especially since being calm and reasonable was not working. i’d say she owes you an apology, not only for trying to take one of your dogs, but for continuing to push the issue when you said no.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: now to give a little bit of back around, i (f19) currently have 3 dogs, i got 2 of my dogs from my grandpa and my recent puppy from a friend (all chihuahuas lol) my grandpa’s dog ended up having 2 litters about 1 &1/2 years apart, and each time he gave me the runt of each litter, now what i didn’t know is that my cousin(f17) had begged him to give her a puppy but both times he apparently said that he had planned on selling them and wasn’t giving any of his grandkids puppies, i asked him about it after the issue came to light and he said that he said that cause he didn’t trust her with them now i’ve had them for a while at this point when my cousin decided to drop by because she needed to return something my mom let her borrow she made a comment about how one of my dogs looked like our grandpa’s derpy chihuahua (aka stumpy and tan) and i laughed and said it’s because they’re related, she kinda made a face and got confused and started asking questions only to find out 2 of my chihuahuas are from our grandpa, she got pissed saying that it wasn’t fair i got two and she didn’t get one, saying i should give her one, i laughed cause i thought she was joking, she was not, i refused, i’m not uprooting my dogs entire lives just because she’s mad she didn’t get a dog and then she said i should give her the chihuahua puppy my friend gave me since she’s not grown yet so it’s not like changing her home is going to do her any harm, i basically told her she was insane, that my friend gave her to me cause she’s a runt and knew i’d take good care of her given my current history with runt puppies, she kept trying to argue about it, saying it wasn’t fair and that i’m being selfish so i just told her tough shit and that she needs to leave now she left after i refused to indulge in her insane idea, but now my aunt and uncle are contacting me saying i need to apologize for being too harsh, and it’s causing some bad blood between them and my mom, that she’s been crying nonstop, i mean maybe i was too harsh but she was basically demanding that i give her one of my pets which warranted that sort of reaction from me, i honestly don’t know, i’m lost right now and i just need honest opinions aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
now to give a little bit of back around, i (f19) currently have 3 dogs, i got 2 of my dogs from my grandpa and my recent puppy from a friend (all chihuahuas lol) my grandpa’s dog ended up having 2 litters about 1 &1/2 years apart, and each time he gave me the runt of each litter, now what i didn’t know is that my cousin(f17) had begged him to give her a puppy but both times he apparently said that he had planned on selling them and wasn’t giving any of his grandkids puppies, i asked him about it after the issue came to light and he said that he said that cause he didn’t trust her with them now i’ve had them for a while at this point when my cousin decided to drop by because she needed to return something my mom let her borrow she made a comment about how one of my dogs looked like our grandpa’s derpy chihuahua (aka stumpy and tan) and i laughed and said it’s because they’re related, she kinda made a face and got confused and started asking questions only to find out 2 of my chihuahuas are from our grandpa, she got pissed saying that it wasn’t fair i got two and she didn’t get one, saying i should give her one, i laughed cause i thought she was joking, she was not, i refused, i’m not uprooting my dogs entire lives just because she’s mad she didn’t get a dog and then she said i should give her the chihuahua puppy my friend gave me since she’s not grown yet so it’s not like changing her home is going to do her any harm, i basically told her she was insane, that my friend gave her to me cause she’s a runt and knew i’d take good care of her given my current history with runt puppies, she kept trying to argue about it, saying it wasn’t fair and that i’m being selfish so i just told her tough shit and that she needs to leave now she left after i refused to indulge in her insane idea, but now my aunt and uncle are contacting me saying i need to apologize for being too harsh, and it’s causing some bad blood between them and my mom, that she’s been crying nonstop, i mean maybe i was too harsh but she was basically demanding that i give her one of my pets which warranted that sort of reaction from me, i honestly don’t know, i’m lost right now and i just need honest opinions aita? [/INST] nta. people who so blatantly treat animals as objects and property shouldn't own them. </s>
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AITA for getting a queen size bed
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i'm 19 and in college but live at home with my mom and stepdad. i had a crappy twin bed for years and it got to the point where my back was hurting from sleeping on it.
i had a few options, either buy a new mattress, or buy a new bed. i had the money for either and my mom offered to give me some money towards it because she had intended to get me a different bed at some point but it just didn't happen.
we (mom and i) went out and looked a few places and i decided on a queen. i liked the frame and got a deal on the mattress. i figured may as well "upgrade" now instead of buying a twin mattress and then probably having to buy another bed when i move out. so we ordered it.
that day when we got home and showed my stepdad pictures he asked why i got such a big bed, i explained my reasons and he said i should have just saved money and got a twin. then he asked my mom why she allowed me to get a queen when she knows now stepbrother is going to bug them more. i guess my stepbrother (14) has been asking stepdad for a bigger bed (he also has a twin bed) and stepdad said he can get one when he moves out and gets married. we both have our own rooms so it's not like there's not room.
then they delivered the bed, i love it. when my stepbrother seen my bed he asked how come i get a big bed when he doesn't, stepdad said because i paid for it. then stepbrother said that it's not fair that i get one when his dad said he couldn't til he moved out.
my stepdad got mad at me and said that i was rubbing it in, and a single person has no need for a queen size bed especially when they live at home.
aita for getting a queen instead of just getting a twin
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/szrkb1/aita_for_getting_a_queen_size_bed/
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2022-02-23 20:48:38
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nta-you paid for it so enjoy the sleep.
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nta. you are an adult. adults need a bigger bed. your stepfather is an asshole for making a 14 year old sleep on a twin bed when he obviously needs a bigger bed. twin beds are for young children. a full sized is smaller than a queen but it doesn't make a teenager feel like they are sleeping on a toddler bed.
and "when he moves out and gets married???" really? i was single for years and i slept on a queen.
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assuming you paid for it, nta. it's your money, your room, and ultimately your health.
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nta.
you paid for it. your mother did not. so you should get whatever bed you want!
hell i unfortunately still live at home and if my room could handle it i'd have a queen instead of a broken twin! but unfortunately the rooms not large enough for a queen and a queen sized frame so....i'm waiting.
you paid for your stuff yourself. not him. your step brothers not your child in any form. it's not your fault his father said he has to wait until he's moved out (which is strange. i mean he could upgrade to a larger bed without to much hassle esp if the kid is growing and needs more room)
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nta.
>i had a few options, either buy a new mattress, or buy a new bed. i had the money for either
your money. your choice of bed.
>stepdad said because i paid for it.
>
>then stepbrother said that it's not fair that i get one when his dad said he couldn't til he moved out.
if you paid for it, how is that rubbing it in?
is it about him moving out? or is it about him not having the money to pay for it?
if he wasn't moving out and had the money to pay for it, could he have a queen bed too?
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nta. your stepdad just didnt want to deal with his sons whiny attitude. you bought the bed. not him. and your mom was okay with it. he sounds controlling. why cant his son buy his own bed when "he becomes" an adult living at home?
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nta. your stepdad is equating bed size to "sinful" premarital sex, instead of comfortable, healthy night's sleep. he's ta.
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nta. the fact that your new bed has been the catalyst for a parenting inconvenience is not your problem. your stepdad can figure out how to deal with your brother's demands for a bigger bed. nothing to do with you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 19 and in college but live at home with my mom and stepdad. i had a crappy twin bed for years and it got to the point where my back was hurting from sleeping on it. i had a few options, either buy a new mattress, or buy a new bed. i had the money for either and my mom offered to give me some money towards it because she had intended to get me a different bed at some point but it just didn't happen. we (mom and i) went out and looked a few places and i decided on a queen. i liked the frame and got a deal on the mattress. i figured may as well "upgrade" now instead of buying a twin mattress and then probably having to buy another bed when i move out. so we ordered it. that day when we got home and showed my stepdad pictures he asked why i got such a big bed, i explained my reasons and he said i should have just saved money and got a twin. then he asked my mom why she allowed me to get a queen when she knows now stepbrother is going to bug them more. i guess my stepbrother (14) has been asking stepdad for a bigger bed (he also has a twin bed) and stepdad said he can get one when he moves out and gets married. we both have our own rooms so it's not like there's not room. then they delivered the bed, i love it. when my stepbrother seen my bed he asked how come i get a big bed when he doesn't, stepdad said because i paid for it. then stepbrother said that it's not fair that i get one when his dad said he couldn't til he moved out. my stepdad got mad at me and said that i was rubbing it in, and a single person has no need for a queen size bed especially when they live at home. aita for getting a queen instead of just getting a twin
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm 19 and in college but live at home with my mom and stepdad. i had a crappy twin bed for years and it got to the point where my back was hurting from sleeping on it. i had a few options, either buy a new mattress, or buy a new bed. i had the money for either and my mom offered to give me some money towards it because she had intended to get me a different bed at some point but it just didn't happen. we (mom and i) went out and looked a few places and i decided on a queen. i liked the frame and got a deal on the mattress. i figured may as well "upgrade" now instead of buying a twin mattress and then probably having to buy another bed when i move out. so we ordered it. that day when we got home and showed my stepdad pictures he asked why i got such a big bed, i explained my reasons and he said i should have just saved money and got a twin. then he asked my mom why she allowed me to get a queen when she knows now stepbrother is going to bug them more. i guess my stepbrother (14) has been asking stepdad for a bigger bed (he also has a twin bed) and stepdad said he can get one when he moves out and gets married. we both have our own rooms so it's not like there's not room. then they delivered the bed, i love it. when my stepbrother seen my bed he asked how come i get a big bed when he doesn't, stepdad said because i paid for it. then stepbrother said that it's not fair that i get one when his dad said he couldn't til he moved out. my stepdad got mad at me and said that i was rubbing it in, and a single person has no need for a queen size bed especially when they live at home. aita for getting a queen instead of just getting a twin [/INST] nta-you paid for it so enjoy the sleep. </s>
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AITA for telling my dad that he has no right to imply that my boyfriend is a cheater when he's a cheater himself ?
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i (19m) started dating a bisexual guy (19m) recently. when i told my dad (47m) about him and especially after i told him about his sexuality, he started saying things like : "bisexual men are usually cheaters", "they usually sleep around with everybody" and "he's probably gonna leave you for a woman once he gets tired of you", which eventually made me snap at him and tell him that he has no right to imply that he's a cheater when he's a cheater himself and that's one of the main things that destroyed his marriage with my mom ( the other being that my also revenge cheated on him once she found out about his infidelity ). that started a huge argument between us and i ended up saying very harshly : "after ruining your marriage you try to ruin my relationship as well because you still can't stand the fact that i'm dating guys ( he did make homophobic comments in the past ) and you're not only a shame of a husband, but also a shame of a dad" and then i hung up on him. he hasn't called me since. i'm now wondering if i could've handled this better.
aita ?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qyrvdn/aita_for_telling_my_dad_that_he_has_no_right_to/
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2021-11-21 09:59:09
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nta. your daddy dearest knows fuck all about this guy and already says he's a cheater?
i believe there is a saying that goes something to the tune of "a thief is constantly wary that others will steal from him".
it does seem that there's a lot of hurt you're feeling with regards to what happened with your family though. would counseling be of help, perhaps?
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nta.
could you have been calmer/nicer? sure. but sounds like you had a lot of built up resentment towards your father over his previous behaviour, and sometimes that needs to come out.
you’re absolutely right that your father is projecting his own behaviour in this situation. i’m sure all parents worry about the fidelity of their children’s partner, but there’s no need for him to vocalise this as a foregone conclusion when he has zero proof. if you think this may well have something to do with him struggling with your sexuality, then it’s even worse.
give him some time to adjust; sometimes the truth hurts
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nta
so sick of bi people being labelled as cheaters because of our sexual orientation.
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nta
he's just projecting. just because he couldn't keep it in his pants, it does not mean no one else can.
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"if i i could have handel things better"
yeah shure you could have been super calm and collected, but he really didn't deserve that. what your dad deserved was exactly what you gave him -
a frisk and sharp word ass kicking that told him how much he hurts the ones around him!
you opened up about falling in love and he kicked your chest in, keep standing your ground in the future and let no one kick you around. nta difinitly
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nta. sounds like your dad is projecting onto others.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (19m) started dating a bisexual guy (19m) recently. when i told my dad (47m) about him and especially after i told him about his sexuality, he started saying things like : "bisexual men are usually cheaters", "they usually sleep around with everybody" and "he's probably gonna leave you for a woman once he gets tired of you", which eventually made me snap at him and tell him that he has no right to imply that he's a cheater when he's a cheater himself and that's one of the main things that destroyed his marriage with my mom ( the other being that my also revenge cheated on him once she found out about his infidelity ). that started a huge argument between us and i ended up saying very harshly : "after ruining your marriage you try to ruin my relationship as well because you still can't stand the fact that i'm dating guys ( he did make homophobic comments in the past ) and you're not only a shame of a husband, but also a shame of a dad" and then i hung up on him. he hasn't called me since. i'm now wondering if i could've handled this better. aita ?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (19m) started dating a bisexual guy (19m) recently. when i told my dad (47m) about him and especially after i told him about his sexuality, he started saying things like : "bisexual men are usually cheaters", "they usually sleep around with everybody" and "he's probably gonna leave you for a woman once he gets tired of you", which eventually made me snap at him and tell him that he has no right to imply that he's a cheater when he's a cheater himself and that's one of the main things that destroyed his marriage with my mom ( the other being that my also revenge cheated on him once she found out about his infidelity ). that started a huge argument between us and i ended up saying very harshly : "after ruining your marriage you try to ruin my relationship as well because you still can't stand the fact that i'm dating guys ( he did make homophobic comments in the past ) and you're not only a shame of a husband, but also a shame of a dad" and then i hung up on him. he hasn't called me since. i'm now wondering if i could've handled this better. aita ? [/INST] nta. your daddy dearest knows fuck all about this guy and already says he's a cheater? i believe there is a saying that goes something to the tune of "a thief is constantly wary that others will steal from him". it does seem that there's a lot of hurt you're feeling with regards to what happened with your family though. would counseling be of help, perhaps? </s>
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AITA for talking to my MIL like a kid when she touched my belly?
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my husband and i are expecting our firs baby (yei!), we've have some ups and downs with his parents because they don't understand boundaries, but overall it's been really good. for some context, i (24f) come from an abusive home and i can't stand being touched, before getting pregnant this wasn't a problem with my in-laws, but now that i'm carrying a baby, it's been awful with my mil and my sil because they think they can touch my belly whenever they want to. both my husband and i have talked to them, and said that while i would rather they don't touch me at all, i can understand this is a big thing as a family, so i would simply like being asked instead of just feeling a hand at random times, but they rarely do it, so i just move when they touch me.
now, onto the subject, a week ago my best friend threw me a baby shower and i invited my in-laws and since i don't have any blood family left, we let them invite 10 more people which included aunts-cousins and my husband's grandparents.
it was an overall lovely moment, but at one time, i was sitting eating cake while my mil talked with my fil's sister, and while telling her something about the baby, she put her hand in my belly and idk, i just didn't like it. so i took her hand, removed it and said ''no, no, you know i've told you not to touch without asking firs. you know how to ask first, do you? it's easy!'' with the most condescending voice i had. both my mil and my fil's sister looked at me shocked, and then my fil's sister laughed but my mil got red in the face.
when it was done, my mil approached me and said that what i did wasn't nice and she just ''slipped'' so i didn't had to treat her like a kid. i just smiled and said that she touching me after being asked a million times not to was a kid behavior and i just called her out on that. she left, very sad, and when we got home, my fil called my husband and said he would love for both of us to apologize to each other, but i said no. so he called me an ah.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xlogjp/aita_for_talking_to_my_mil_like_a_kid_when_she/
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2022-09-23 05:22:35
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nta. i hate being touched. everyone thinks being pregnant makes you public property. stand your ground, enforce your boundaries, and tell her off every time.
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nta. sometimes people don't understand when you ask nicely.
my friend grabbed a strangers boob when the stranger touched her belly. the stranger was shocked and my friend said "oh i thought we were grabbing each other's bodies, my bad!"
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nta the proper response from your mil would have been, "i'm so sorry, op. you're right. you've been very clear about this and i let it slip my mind. i'll remember to ask permission before touching you in the future. please forgive me." there, done and dusted. but instead, she chose to be offended.
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nta. i was far more dramatic when i was pregnant. i wore a shirt that said “you can touch my belly if i can punch your face.”
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"not touching another person is a thing you do all the time. i won't come see any of you unless you can manage to do something you do every day and something you've done since meeting me." nta
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nta.
i don't think anyone appreciates being touched without consent, let alone someone with an aversion to being touched in the first place. if someone can't respect your wishes even after being told so many times, they deserve to be called out.
also, being asked to apologize because 'you both were at fault' is infuriating, especially when you weren't at fault at all. i say talk it out with mil since she's family but you weren't in the wrong here.
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nta
she has been told multiple times not to touch you without permission. you were nicer than most people would have been.
since the asking part is too difficult for her. i would just completely ban touching all together.
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nta. you have on many occasions asked to not be touched and they’ve ignored that boundary. you weren’t wrong to call her out in front of your fil’s sister. was it slightlyyy combative? yes and she deserved it. but, you shouldn’t have to tolerate triggers and swallow your reaction for others to be comfortable. reprimanding her in a public way definitely got the point across and i don’t think she’ll be doing it again.
op, you don’t have to have a traumatic background in order for their to be a valid reason to not want to be touched. you don’t want to be touched and you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
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nta. i accidentaly elbowed an old man hard in his gut. he came from behind and put both hands on my babynest. i was in line to the atm, and he was a silent stranger. too bad for him that i wasn't dressed in my uniform, he might have not approached me at all had he known i was a soldier at the time. i had to show security my military id to explain why i reacted so instantly like that. they also told him off for touching a stranger from behind in line to an atm. why would i not think he was after my money? stupid old man.
your mil is lucky you were so nice. i would be done at that point.
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nta. you did that really well. and when the baby comes, and you give them baby boundaries, they know they had better toe that line!
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i are expecting our firs baby (yei!), we've have some ups and downs with his parents because they don't understand boundaries, but overall it's been really good. for some context, i (24f) come from an abusive home and i can't stand being touched, before getting pregnant this wasn't a problem with my in-laws, but now that i'm carrying a baby, it's been awful with my mil and my sil because they think they can touch my belly whenever they want to. both my husband and i have talked to them, and said that while i would rather they don't touch me at all, i can understand this is a big thing as a family, so i would simply like being asked instead of just feeling a hand at random times, but they rarely do it, so i just move when they touch me. now, onto the subject, a week ago my best friend threw me a baby shower and i invited my in-laws and since i don't have any blood family left, we let them invite 10 more people which included aunts-cousins and my husband's grandparents. it was an overall lovely moment, but at one time, i was sitting eating cake while my mil talked with my fil's sister, and while telling her something about the baby, she put her hand in my belly and idk, i just didn't like it. so i took her hand, removed it and said ''no, no, you know i've told you not to touch without asking firs. you know how to ask first, do you? it's easy!'' with the most condescending voice i had. both my mil and my fil's sister looked at me shocked, and then my fil's sister laughed but my mil got red in the face. when it was done, my mil approached me and said that what i did wasn't nice and she just ''slipped'' so i didn't had to treat her like a kid. i just smiled and said that she touching me after being asked a million times not to was a kid behavior and i just called her out on that. she left, very sad, and when we got home, my fil called my husband and said he would love for both of us to apologize to each other, but i said no. so he called me an ah.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i are expecting our firs baby (yei!), we've have some ups and downs with his parents because they don't understand boundaries, but overall it's been really good. for some context, i (24f) come from an abusive home and i can't stand being touched, before getting pregnant this wasn't a problem with my in-laws, but now that i'm carrying a baby, it's been awful with my mil and my sil because they think they can touch my belly whenever they want to. both my husband and i have talked to them, and said that while i would rather they don't touch me at all, i can understand this is a big thing as a family, so i would simply like being asked instead of just feeling a hand at random times, but they rarely do it, so i just move when they touch me. now, onto the subject, a week ago my best friend threw me a baby shower and i invited my in-laws and since i don't have any blood family left, we let them invite 10 more people which included aunts-cousins and my husband's grandparents. it was an overall lovely moment, but at one time, i was sitting eating cake while my mil talked with my fil's sister, and while telling her something about the baby, she put her hand in my belly and idk, i just didn't like it. so i took her hand, removed it and said ''no, no, you know i've told you not to touch without asking firs. you know how to ask first, do you? it's easy!'' with the most condescending voice i had. both my mil and my fil's sister looked at me shocked, and then my fil's sister laughed but my mil got red in the face. when it was done, my mil approached me and said that what i did wasn't nice and she just ''slipped'' so i didn't had to treat her like a kid. i just smiled and said that she touching me after being asked a million times not to was a kid behavior and i just called her out on that. she left, very sad, and when we got home, my fil called my husband and said he would love for both of us to apologize to each other, but i said no. so he called me an ah. [/INST] nta. i hate being touched. everyone thinks being pregnant makes you public property. stand your ground, enforce your boundaries, and tell her off every time. </s>
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AITA for leaving my vacation home to my daughter and not son who vocally despises it?
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my parents were from russia, we have a lovely family home in a place that’s good for vacations but uninhabitable during winters except by locals. it is unusual in russia to live in a home, families usually have apartments at least in the city, but we aren’t in the city and this home still stands. it is not of high monetary value but of great sentimental value to me.
i have one gay son and one (elder) daughter. he is very vocal of his distaste for the country and is very loudly critical. my husband and i recently tested positive for the popular virus that’s been going around. so we started dividing up the assets. we came to an agreement on our mutual assets.
because my son doesn’t want to or can’t visit the country anyway, i have decided to leave the mansion to my daughter. i am yet to find out about inheritance laws in russia, i will contact a lawyer soon. she loves the mansion and also loves the country culture and language. she plans to live there for the whole experience . my husband is russian also. when my son found out about me giving it to her he got mad and said she has to split it with him. i disagreed. he is being greedy, he has also received special heirlooms his sister didn’t.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jgph6x/aita_for_leaving_my_vacation_home_to_my_daughter/
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2020-10-23 15:39:12
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nta. it makes sense to give things to those who will love and care for them
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nta. your son doesn't want the house *as* a house. your daughter does. that said, him being gay seems relevant to his criticisms of the country, so i hope you're not completely dismissing that factor.
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info: how do you personally feel about your son being gay and russia's rampant homophobia? because writing "because my son doesn't want to" sounds like you consider it a personal decision to not go to an extremely homophobic country and "loudly critical" that you consider your son's opinion of russia because of it a slight.
also what heirlooms are you leaving your son and what are their value?
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info: are the extra heirlooms similar in value to the house?
i understand leaving the house to the child that actually wants it, but this is more than your son just not "liking" russia. the country is actively hostile to him as a human being. if he's getting heirlooms that are worth much less than the house, then i don't really blame him for being unhappy about it.
it's also possible that he sees your family's embrace of russian culture as a rejection of his own identity, so it also just hurts him more, but that's speculation. not going to lie, i think i would maybe feel a little resentful or at least uncomfortable if one of my siblings wanted to move to a country that i wouldn't be safe in.
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soft yta, every gay men on the planet know that can't go to russia (and poland, half áfrica, middle east, etc etc etc etc) unless we want to spent a season on a random gulag. he might just want to be included in the whole "we-are-russian" thingy
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yta for acting as if your son has no reason to dislike russia. your daughter has the privilege to enjoy the country. as a gay man, your son does not.
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info: how do you personally feel about your son being gay and russia's rampant homophobia? because writing "because my son doesn't want to" sounds like you consider it a personal decision to not go to an extremely homophobic country and "loudly critical" that you consider your son's opinion of russia because of it a slight.
also what heirlooms are you leaving your son and what are their value?
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yta. he can't go there because russia would kill him. the way i see it, he wants to be involved, but his country, the one you all have such a strong connection to, hates him and wants him dead. how would you feel? if tomorrow the country you were born or have a strong heritage from, said your existence is a crime. he sees all of you sharing the love of your roots and families and can't be a part of it. he can't. he is vocal of not liking russia because russia does not like him! and them you go and give a house to your daughter. in a country he can't even visit. you put salt in a deep open wound.
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info are you leaving your estate to both kids in equal shares value wise? in essence what does he get that evens out the loss of the mansion?
people are going to argue that legally you can leave him a dollar and be fine, which is true but you aren’t asking if you’re legally clear and assuming you have equal regard for you son as your daughter, the general wisdom in estate planning is to leave each child an equal share of your estate.
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nta.
your home, your will, your choice.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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INFO
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my parents were from russia, we have a lovely family home in a place that’s good for vacations but uninhabitable during winters except by locals. it is unusual in russia to live in a home, families usually have apartments at least in the city, but we aren’t in the city and this home still stands. it is not of high monetary value but of great sentimental value to me. i have one gay son and one (elder) daughter. he is very vocal of his distaste for the country and is very loudly critical. my husband and i recently tested positive for the popular virus that’s been going around. so we started dividing up the assets. we came to an agreement on our mutual assets. because my son doesn’t want to or can’t visit the country anyway, i have decided to leave the mansion to my daughter. i am yet to find out about inheritance laws in russia, i will contact a lawyer soon. she loves the mansion and also loves the country culture and language. she plans to live there for the whole experience . my husband is russian also. when my son found out about me giving it to her he got mad and said she has to split it with him. i disagreed. he is being greedy, he has also received special heirlooms his sister didn’t.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my parents were from russia, we have a lovely family home in a place that’s good for vacations but uninhabitable during winters except by locals. it is unusual in russia to live in a home, families usually have apartments at least in the city, but we aren’t in the city and this home still stands. it is not of high monetary value but of great sentimental value to me. i have one gay son and one (elder) daughter. he is very vocal of his distaste for the country and is very loudly critical. my husband and i recently tested positive for the popular virus that’s been going around. so we started dividing up the assets. we came to an agreement on our mutual assets. because my son doesn’t want to or can’t visit the country anyway, i have decided to leave the mansion to my daughter. i am yet to find out about inheritance laws in russia, i will contact a lawyer soon. she loves the mansion and also loves the country culture and language. she plans to live there for the whole experience . my husband is russian also. when my son found out about me giving it to her he got mad and said she has to split it with him. i disagreed. he is being greedy, he has also received special heirlooms his sister didn’t. [/INST] nta. it makes sense to give things to those who will love and care for them </s>
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AITA for not giving my bio parents a real chance to make things right
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so before i talk about the dilemma let me talk about my background. i m(24) grew up living in group homes. if you don’t know what a group home is it’s basically a smaller orphanage. living in a group home was rough we generally weren’t guaranteed meals and we shared literally everything. so if we got new clothes we had 10 other kids fighting over it. if we got pizza we had 10 kids fighting over it. when i was 11 i became close with this kid from school. he invited me over to his house for a couple sleepovers and his parents would notice how much i was eating. i would completely pig out despite being relatively skinny. there were a couple of other things they noticed about how i behaved that was very weird. they realized i was probably being underfed and decided to take action. eventually they took me in and i never looked back.
so today i’m 24 and i’m working a nice desk job. i’m generally happy and i’m still close with my adopted parents. my bio parents reached out two weeks ago and were relieved when i responded. we ended up setting up a meeting yesterday. i was already quite hesitant to meet them but only did it because my mom and dad said it could be worthwhile. so we sat down and talked over lunch.
they told me they gave me up because they didn’t want to be parents. they were in their mid 20s and married. the only reason they gave me up was because they weren’t “ready” for parenthood.
after this i pretty much gave up on being civil and i started making snide comments like “oh so i was ready for group homes?” i was being pretty rude and my bio mom was fighting tears. after they told me i have a brother i said “oh ok so you were ready enough to be a parent but weren’t ready enough to check on your son”. i had enough paid the bill and left.
i was very angry and told my adopted mom what happened. she said that i should go easier on them since it probably took a lot to reach out and apologize. she went on and on about how she’ll support me no matter what but she thinks i’m acting a bit harsh. my bio parents called and asked if we could meet again and talk more. my mom thinks that it could be beneficial now that my “initial emotions” are out there. if i think i was acting like an asshole and my mom thinks i’m acting like an asshole i probably am an asshole. aita?
| 3,122 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/umi7d8/aita_for_not_giving_my_bio_parents_a_real_chance/
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2022-05-10 13:02:11
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nta
everything you said to them is fair. they profoundly failed you. they’re not entitled to your time.
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nta! don’t open the can of worms with them. it’s not about you, it’s about them clearing their conscious
(i’m an adoptee)
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nta
this is a complex situation and there's no "right" way to feel! you're absolutely also allowed to feel multiple emotions, sometimes as the same time - sorrow for your loss and hardships but joy at knowing them; hatred and anger but also curiosity about them.
you don't owe them anything, and the one thing you have to do is to protect your own mental health and wellbeing. they made their choices all those years ago, and it's not your responsibility to make them feel better about that. you can tell them how your life experience was, not attacking them, but facts. if they want to take offense or be emotional, tell them this is the facts, this is your lived experience.
i'm so glad that your adopted parents sound like such amazing people. they're your family. you owe your bio-parents nothing, if you get nothing from this interaction, fine. if you connect with them and think they're okay as human being, that's a bonus.
you did not act like a butt. your response was expected, especially after being told they have another kid. you can also get a therapist to help you process these big emotions if you feel overwhelmed. overall, you'll be okay i think. you can also try writing them a letter telling them how your life was growing up, and meeting your adopted parents. this way you can focus on that, and they can read and process their emotions separately too, and then if you meet again, the intensity of first reaction will be gone, and hopefully it is easier to talk then. wishing you luck op. there's probably a lot of resources online too that could help you too!
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nta. i’m an adoptive mom too, and i would guess your mom is worried that you’re burning bridges when you might realize you want or need (do you have all your medical history?) to connect with your bio family later in life.
that’s your call though. you’re an adult and your feelings, whatever they are, are valid. you absolutely don’t owe your bio family a relationship. if you haven’t though, you might want to consider seeing an adoption and trauma-informed therapist because you don’t deserve to carry around the burden of pain and anger.
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nta. i understand how hurtful it is that you were placed in group home, while your brother grew up in a normal family setting. if i were in your shoes, i’d call it quits too. sure, you might be harsh, but they were harsher for literally saying you’re a mistake and putting you through an environment that you didn’t want nor deserve. they should have used better contraceptives if they knew they weren’t ready for children but want to be sexually active. i say they deserve all your anger and hurt.
if you wanna give them another chance go ahead, but remember, you don’t owe them shit.
question, it might reopen wounds but did you ask why did they reach out *now* 24 years later, when they had time to create another human being? i’m assuming they weren’t running around looking for you since they have the contact number of the group home they places you with and that group home told them which family adopted you. call me a skeptic, but i find it fishy it took them this long to reach out. maybe bc i read other “meeting the bio parents” stories that ended badly but i just wanna know. if you aint comfy to share i completely understand, no worries.
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nta
they literally failed as humans...they dumped you into the system for convenience...i would be outraged!
there are lots if very genuine reasons to give children up for adoption and i respect those that make that decision for the right reasons.
what,did they expect? your response was spot on...they decided a baby was ready for a group home.
i am so glad that family chose you and loved you and clearly still do. keep working hard and make sure to have an absolutely wonderful life xx
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nah
op you've been through some awful trauma and it's your parent's fault. they made the decision that put you there. but the only reason you've given for them doing this is this
>the only reason they gave me up was because they weren’t “ready” for parenthood.
you don't know what that meant for them. where they were financially, emotionally, mentally. they live in the same world that traumatized you, and maybe they didn't feel prepared to guide you. that's ok. in a better world we'd have more support in place for kids like you but we don't live there yet.
the consequences of their decision were borne by you and you alone. and your anger about that is valid. i frankly can't imagine what your childhood was like and i am sorry you went through it. but i'll say this, it also hurt them a lot too. i don't think people give their kids away flippantly.
it seems to me your hesitance to meet them initially was tied to your negative experiences at the group home. that makes sense. have you considered therapy to discuss your feelings about your experiences in the group home? i'd consider that if i were you.
i'd also maybe pause on going back to your bio parents until you've taken some time to work through your feelings in all this. but if you do see them again, i'd consider asking, what did "not being ready" mean. and i'd tell them exactly how that impacted you.
honesty hurts. and it's hard to be honest and empathetic when you're hurting. but we've all gotta try. i wish you the best
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nta. but also realize that this is what the scotus members are pushing people to do so there is a supply of domestic children to adopt.
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nta. i imagine being in a group home from 4-11 you must have heard all the other kid’s stories. their broken homes, abusive family or forcibly taken by cps. to have discovered that you were willingly given up by a college educated married couple, thrown into a system that is known to be abusive to children…i can’t imagine the anger i’d have towards these people. take some time to process this. figure out what kind of end result you want. maybe a relationship, maybe just contacting the half-sibling , maybe just telling them all you went through and parting ways but just take some time and think it through.
all the best op.
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nta. how the fuck were you supposed to react?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so before i talk about the dilemma let me talk about my background. i m(24) grew up living in group homes. if you don’t know what a group home is it’s basically a smaller orphanage. living in a group home was rough we generally weren’t guaranteed meals and we shared literally everything. so if we got new clothes we had 10 other kids fighting over it. if we got pizza we had 10 kids fighting over it. when i was 11 i became close with this kid from school. he invited me over to his house for a couple sleepovers and his parents would notice how much i was eating. i would completely pig out despite being relatively skinny. there were a couple of other things they noticed about how i behaved that was very weird. they realized i was probably being underfed and decided to take action. eventually they took me in and i never looked back. so today i’m 24 and i’m working a nice desk job. i’m generally happy and i’m still close with my adopted parents. my bio parents reached out two weeks ago and were relieved when i responded. we ended up setting up a meeting yesterday. i was already quite hesitant to meet them but only did it because my mom and dad said it could be worthwhile. so we sat down and talked over lunch. they told me they gave me up because they didn’t want to be parents. they were in their mid 20s and married. the only reason they gave me up was because they weren’t “ready” for parenthood. after this i pretty much gave up on being civil and i started making snide comments like “oh so i was ready for group homes?” i was being pretty rude and my bio mom was fighting tears. after they told me i have a brother i said “oh ok so you were ready enough to be a parent but weren’t ready enough to check on your son”. i had enough paid the bill and left. i was very angry and told my adopted mom what happened. she said that i should go easier on them since it probably took a lot to reach out and apologize. she went on and on about how she’ll support me no matter what but she thinks i’m acting a bit harsh. my bio parents called and asked if we could meet again and talk more. my mom thinks that it could be beneficial now that my “initial emotions” are out there. if i think i was acting like an asshole and my mom thinks i’m acting like an asshole i probably am an asshole. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so before i talk about the dilemma let me talk about my background. i m(24) grew up living in group homes. if you don’t know what a group home is it’s basically a smaller orphanage. living in a group home was rough we generally weren’t guaranteed meals and we shared literally everything. so if we got new clothes we had 10 other kids fighting over it. if we got pizza we had 10 kids fighting over it. when i was 11 i became close with this kid from school. he invited me over to his house for a couple sleepovers and his parents would notice how much i was eating. i would completely pig out despite being relatively skinny. there were a couple of other things they noticed about how i behaved that was very weird. they realized i was probably being underfed and decided to take action. eventually they took me in and i never looked back. so today i’m 24 and i’m working a nice desk job. i’m generally happy and i’m still close with my adopted parents. my bio parents reached out two weeks ago and were relieved when i responded. we ended up setting up a meeting yesterday. i was already quite hesitant to meet them but only did it because my mom and dad said it could be worthwhile. so we sat down and talked over lunch. they told me they gave me up because they didn’t want to be parents. they were in their mid 20s and married. the only reason they gave me up was because they weren’t “ready” for parenthood. after this i pretty much gave up on being civil and i started making snide comments like “oh so i was ready for group homes?” i was being pretty rude and my bio mom was fighting tears. after they told me i have a brother i said “oh ok so you were ready enough to be a parent but weren’t ready enough to check on your son”. i had enough paid the bill and left. i was very angry and told my adopted mom what happened. she said that i should go easier on them since it probably took a lot to reach out and apologize. she went on and on about how she’ll support me no matter what but she thinks i’m acting a bit harsh. my bio parents called and asked if we could meet again and talk more. my mom thinks that it could be beneficial now that my “initial emotions” are out there. if i think i was acting like an asshole and my mom thinks i’m acting like an asshole i probably am an asshole. aita? [/INST] nta everything you said to them is fair. they profoundly failed you. they’re not entitled to your time. </s>
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AITA for telling my abusive mother on her deathbed that I prayed god would give her the appropriate punishment?
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i don't really want to give specifics. but my mother was physically violent with me, and even enlisted help from her brother in law to beat the shit out of me.
i thought saying this to her would lift weight of my shoulders, but i feel like it's fuelled the fire.
i wish i could just die too.
| 512 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/anqi15/aita_for_telling_my_abusive_mother_on_her/
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2019-02-06 13:05:03
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nta
telling her that is by far nowhere near as worse as recieving physical and mental abuse over the years.
youve been waiting for this moment and now that its come, you feel empty. that feeling will pass and you will move on.
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nta
hell, i laughed at my mothers funeral. i was just glad she was gone and it was "over"
she told me the year before on christmas "i will be dead by next christmas and you will feel guilty the rest of your life" i will never forget those words.
on her death bed i told her "guess you were right about being dead by next christmas. but you were wrong about 1 thing. i don't now nor will i ever feel guilty for being happy about it. say hi to the devil for me becasue that's where you are gonna go"
she died november 6, 1995. i was a senior in hs and to this day i do not feel guilty.
there have been times i wished "my mom were there" for things like my hs graduation and wedding. but it would have just been the selfish self serving alcoholic drug addicted abusive bitch that beat the hell out of me until the week before, got me kidnapped at 5 yrs old and used me as a "hooker" to get her drugs. so nope. no guilt.
i totally understand. i have been there. let it go and be free. be happy. she is no longer there to abuse you. you said what you felt you needed to say. if you want to talk more feel free to message me.
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nta i mean, it wasn't a nice thing to do, obviously. but if you want someone to treat you decently, i recommend not spending years abusing them. this was a you reap what you sow moment. sure, some people could find the compassion to move on, but if you didn't have it in you yet, that's more her fault than yours.
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nta and fuck anyone that abuses a child
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nta - but there are probably better, healthier ways to process your trauma.
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nta, she was so bad to you that she deserves that
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nta. from your description, she sounds like an awful and vile human being. being on your death bed doesn't automatically make you into a good person. she most likely doesn't even care about how you feel.
you feel terrible now because you have a conscience and seem to be a kind person. you regret it now but won't later. (i hope).
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esh. being straight up savage has it's cost, shoulda have just let her die and be glad she's out of your life.
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nta. but you should probably seek therapy to process trauma and having a shitty parent who never apologized (i assume she didn't).
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i'm wavering between nta and esh.
your mother was *definitely* an asshole, telling her that was kind of assholish, but also understandable.
in any case, you do *not* deserve to die. you *do* deserve to find a nice therapist and/or psychiatrist to help you process the whole situation with your family and find peace with yourself and a happier life. please? you deserve it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i don't really want to give specifics. but my mother was physically violent with me, and even enlisted help from her brother in law to beat the shit out of me. i thought saying this to her would lift weight of my shoulders, but i feel like it's fuelled the fire. i wish i could just die too.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i don't really want to give specifics. but my mother was physically violent with me, and even enlisted help from her brother in law to beat the shit out of me. i thought saying this to her would lift weight of my shoulders, but i feel like it's fuelled the fire. i wish i could just die too. [/INST] nta telling her that is by far nowhere near as worse as recieving physical and mental abuse over the years. youve been waiting for this moment and now that its come, you feel empty. that feeling will pass and you will move on. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to hangout with coworkers after work even though they take it the wrong way
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i don't hangout with coworkers for three reasons.
1. i already see them 40+ hours a week and don't care to see them more than that especially when i'm not on the clock. a big part of that is that i'm gay. it's not that my coworkers are not accepting, but they're not 100% comfortable with it. i get it but i don't want to be in that situation.
2. all they want to do his drink and smoke. i don't do either and every time i've hungout with social drinkers or smokers, they pressure me into have just a few. i refuse. people either think i'm a snob or a recovering alcoholic or mormon. the truth is that i can't stand the taste of any alcohol and it makes me feel like shit.
3. i prefer to keep my personal life separate from my work life. people overshare both their and other people's business when you mix the two.
my coworkers just see me as a snob and it's far more complicated than that.
| 304 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d0v378/aita_for_not_wanting_to_hangout_with_coworkers/
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2019-09-07 11:55:37
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nta but you can't win the game without playing. between a guy who does literally twice the work of everyone else and a guy who does a completely average amount while always being friendly with bosses and co-workers the second guy will always get the promotion. you would be well served to go with them every once in awhile. tell them you are very sensitive to alcohol and it makes you sick and get a few virgin drinks and laugh at your coworkers jokes for an hour then leave. that hour once every two or three weeks will make everyone in the office feel relaxed around you because they'll see you aren't a judgemental dick who looks down on them.
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nta
and pushing people onto something they don't like is assholish.
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nta.
but with some caveats.
>my coworkers just see me as a snob and it's far more complicated than that.
it's not *that* much more complicated though. in a comment, you say the men only talk about "pussy and sports," and with women "there's always some drama." i wouldn't necessarily characterize those comments as *snobbish*, but they are a negative assessment of these specific people. you have a negative view of your coworkers and they have picked up on it.
not every workplace is the same, and there are places that are more dysfunctional than others. having said that, in my personal experience it takes a lot more than "not going out after work" for people to think someone's a snob. if you are generally a nice, friendly, and warm presence at the job, you should be able to get away with not spending time with them after work.
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nah they obviously enjoy your company if they keep inviting you out. you don't have to hang out with anyone you don't want to, but i'm sure you understand why repeatedly declining their invites makes them think you are a snob. you do you.
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nta. why should you hang out with people who are doing things you don't enjoy? 'i don't smoke and i don't drink and i prefer to spend my private time doing other things. i appreciate the invitation, though.'
let them think you're a snob because you do what you want to do. most of us call that 'being an adult'.
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nta - you're not entitled to hangout with your colleagues, especially judgemental ones. sorry if you're feeling like ta here but i don't feel how you could be.
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nta- you dont have to hang out with anyone you dont wanna hang out with.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.000893 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i don't hangout with coworkers for three reasons. 1. i already see them 40+ hours a week and don't care to see them more than that especially when i'm not on the clock. a big part of that is that i'm gay. it's not that my coworkers are not accepting, but they're not 100% comfortable with it. i get it but i don't want to be in that situation. 2. all they want to do his drink and smoke. i don't do either and every time i've hungout with social drinkers or smokers, they pressure me into have just a few. i refuse. people either think i'm a snob or a recovering alcoholic or mormon. the truth is that i can't stand the taste of any alcohol and it makes me feel like shit. 3. i prefer to keep my personal life separate from my work life. people overshare both their and other people's business when you mix the two. my coworkers just see me as a snob and it's far more complicated than that.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i don't hangout with coworkers for three reasons. 1. i already see them 40+ hours a week and don't care to see them more than that especially when i'm not on the clock. a big part of that is that i'm gay. it's not that my coworkers are not accepting, but they're not 100% comfortable with it. i get it but i don't want to be in that situation. 2. all they want to do his drink and smoke. i don't do either and every time i've hungout with social drinkers or smokers, they pressure me into have just a few. i refuse. people either think i'm a snob or a recovering alcoholic or mormon. the truth is that i can't stand the taste of any alcohol and it makes me feel like shit. 3. i prefer to keep my personal life separate from my work life. people overshare both their and other people's business when you mix the two. my coworkers just see me as a snob and it's far more complicated than that. [/INST] nta but you can't win the game without playing. between a guy who does literally twice the work of everyone else and a guy who does a completely average amount while always being friendly with bosses and co-workers the second guy will always get the promotion. you would be well served to go with them every once in awhile. tell them you are very sensitive to alcohol and it makes you sick and get a few virgin drinks and laugh at your coworkers jokes for an hour then leave. that hour once every two or three weeks will make everyone in the office feel relaxed around you because they'll see you aren't a judgemental dick who looks down on them. </s>
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AITA my husband is fit, I am fat
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throw away, mobile user, english isn’t first language
so i’ve (f, 33) been with my husband (m, 28)for 8 years, married for 3. let’s call him john. when we started dating, we were both fat. not, you know, morbidly obese where we can’t walk or anything like that, but still pretty fat.
about a year and a half ago john’s father got a stroke (likely because he too was overweight) and while he didn’t die, he got a lot of brain damage and no longer can speak, among other things.
this was a wakeup call for john because strokes run in his family, and he started to eat healthy and go to the gym. over the past year and a half he lost a lot of weight and started to build muscle. not gonna lie, he looks great. he still has stretch marks and loose skin, but when he wears clothes, you can’t really tell, and he’s started to receive a lot of looks and attention.
he has been overweight since he was a child, so this is the first time he’s experiencing this and he’s clearly loving the attention.
anyways, our friends have started to make comments about how i’m a “cougar” that has a younger, fit boyfriend. i just laughed it off and didn’t really care, and didn’t think my husband did either, because i’ve always been fat and older than him.
our friends started to say it’s unfair that my “newly” handsome husband is tied down to me (fat) and that i should put effort into being more attractive for his sake. again i didn’t really think my husband cared, but the other day he said he kinda agreed with our friends and thought i should start to lose weight.
the thing is, i just don’t want to. i take walks everyday with my dogs, i don’t eat excessively unhealthy, i just gain weight easily, as do my family. eating snacks and watching movies on the weekend is my happy time to wind down after a long week of working. i also know that for me to lose as much weight as he has, i would have to put in so much more effort because i really don’t lose weight easily (i tried a lot when i was a teenager). i just don’t want to live off salads and spend the little free time i have working out.
i was fat when my husband proposed to me, i haven’t changed - he has. he knew that he married a fat person, so i don’t think i should be obligated to lose weight. i enjoy my lifestyle. lastly, i asked him if he would want to divorce me over this, and he said no, but he still is trying to pressure me to lose weight. aita?
| 1,004 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fbvdkc/aita_my_husband_is_fit_i_am_fat/
|
2020-03-01 15:17:13
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nta, your friends are major assholes. however please don’t tout this denial bs about “you don’t lose weight easily”. yes men lose weight more easily than women due to testosterone, but your hobbies are snacking and you don’t want to work out. that’s why you dont lose weight easily, not because you genetically can’t or you physically don’t lose weight.that said... you don’t have to lose weight if you don’t want to. however, it’s probably going to become a rift between you and your partner if you don’t take at least some interest in his new hobby, which is being healthy. tough situation best of luck
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info: why do you think you would have to live off salads and spend your remaining time working out?
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esh; it seems like your husband put in the effort to be healthy because of the scare of his dad, love is love yes. it just seems like you don't really want to put that effort in. you're making it sound like living healthy is a problem and only rabbit food is required if you want to be healthy. it isn't, you want to lose weight fine but if you've got time to watch movies and eat junk you've got time to go to the gym and work out and change your diet. stop using excuses.
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nta- it sounds to me like you and your husband may want to consider couples counseling. him losing weight and the family health problems that led to it are transitions, and any transitions can unsettle relationships- the way he is pressuring you is proof of that, especially if it’s coming from a place of vanity rather than concern for your health.
you may also want to find better friends. who the hell thinks it’s friendly or supportive to tell someone their partner is too fit and good looking for them???
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slight yta. you should both be putting in effort for your relationship, and right now only he is.
>i just gain weight easily, as do my family. eating snacks and watching movies on the weekend is my happy time to wind down after a long week of working. i also know that for me to lose as much weight as he has, i would have to put in so much more effort because i really don’t lose weight easily (i tried a lot when i was a teenager). i just don’t want to live off salads and spend the little free time i have working out.
this is denial and incorrect.
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so.... gonna say some kinda mean things here but bear with me.
1. relax he probably won't keep all his weight off. people rarely do. he is in the golden phase of weight loss. reached his goal. looking hot. people look at him. this will pass. he will gain again or he will get used to the way he looks and it wont be the end all be all. maintenance is not near as fun as the loss which also isn't fun.
2. set some boundaries with the jokes. doesn't matter what you guys look like. people don't need to be shitty.
3. if you lose do it for you and only you. unless you are morbidly obese you have time to find a system that works for you and hobbies you like. it's a personal journey and that is the way it should be.
you are nta for not wanting to change. your "friends" are huge assholes and your husband could be a little more supportive. he signed up for better or worse. his better shouldn't be your worse. good luck.
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yta. this isn’t even about vanity. your husband changed because he saw how his choices can affect those around him. you’re indirectly showing him that you have no qualms putting him through what his father has.
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"eating snacks and watching movies on the weekend is my happy time to wind down after a long week of working. i also know that for me to lose as much weight as he has, i would have to put in so much more effort because i really don’t lose weight easily (i tried a lot when i was a teenager). i just don’t want to live off salads and spend the little free time i have working out."
you're so very wrong about everything you wrote here. you don't have to work out all the time, just once a day 30-60 minutes. you'd have to limit your snack intake but not give it up entirely. your husband is worried about your health and wants you to live long, healthy life at his side.
your "friends" are massive a-holes for the comments they made. you're kind of an asshole for being willfully ignorant about weight loss and refusing to take better care of yourself because you're too lazy. youre only 33 so you may feel okay still but the older you'll get, the more your bad habits will catch up with you. esh except the husband.
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this screams of fatlogic. you're nta for not wanting to lose weight or not feeling obligated to do so. you're not. however, the things you're giving as excuses are just that - excuses. losing weight isn't starvation and dying of exercise. go to r/loseit. count your calories and you'll realise you're eating more than you think you are. the #1 reason people are fat are that they overeat and have no idea what a real portion size is. medical conditions make up a much smaller percentage
if you don't want to lose weight, that's perfectly fine, and you absolutely shouldn't feel shamed by your husband and friends. but yta for lying to yourself and spouting all the fatlogic about how impossible weight loss is. it's not.
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nta - he didn't change for anyone other than himself and you should not have to change for anyone else either. he isn't entitled to a fit wife just because he got into fitness.
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NTA
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INFO
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
|
NTA
|
NTA
| 0.539274 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throw away, mobile user, english isn’t first language so i’ve (f, 33) been with my husband (m, 28)for 8 years, married for 3. let’s call him john. when we started dating, we were both fat. not, you know, morbidly obese where we can’t walk or anything like that, but still pretty fat. about a year and a half ago john’s father got a stroke (likely because he too was overweight) and while he didn’t die, he got a lot of brain damage and no longer can speak, among other things. this was a wakeup call for john because strokes run in his family, and he started to eat healthy and go to the gym. over the past year and a half he lost a lot of weight and started to build muscle. not gonna lie, he looks great. he still has stretch marks and loose skin, but when he wears clothes, you can’t really tell, and he’s started to receive a lot of looks and attention. he has been overweight since he was a child, so this is the first time he’s experiencing this and he’s clearly loving the attention. anyways, our friends have started to make comments about how i’m a “cougar” that has a younger, fit boyfriend. i just laughed it off and didn’t really care, and didn’t think my husband did either, because i’ve always been fat and older than him. our friends started to say it’s unfair that my “newly” handsome husband is tied down to me (fat) and that i should put effort into being more attractive for his sake. again i didn’t really think my husband cared, but the other day he said he kinda agreed with our friends and thought i should start to lose weight. the thing is, i just don’t want to. i take walks everyday with my dogs, i don’t eat excessively unhealthy, i just gain weight easily, as do my family. eating snacks and watching movies on the weekend is my happy time to wind down after a long week of working. i also know that for me to lose as much weight as he has, i would have to put in so much more effort because i really don’t lose weight easily (i tried a lot when i was a teenager). i just don’t want to live off salads and spend the little free time i have working out. i was fat when my husband proposed to me, i haven’t changed - he has. he knew that he married a fat person, so i don’t think i should be obligated to lose weight. i enjoy my lifestyle. lastly, i asked him if he would want to divorce me over this, and he said no, but he still is trying to pressure me to lose weight. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throw away, mobile user, english isn’t first language so i’ve (f, 33) been with my husband (m, 28)for 8 years, married for 3. let’s call him john. when we started dating, we were both fat. not, you know, morbidly obese where we can’t walk or anything like that, but still pretty fat. about a year and a half ago john’s father got a stroke (likely because he too was overweight) and while he didn’t die, he got a lot of brain damage and no longer can speak, among other things. this was a wakeup call for john because strokes run in his family, and he started to eat healthy and go to the gym. over the past year and a half he lost a lot of weight and started to build muscle. not gonna lie, he looks great. he still has stretch marks and loose skin, but when he wears clothes, you can’t really tell, and he’s started to receive a lot of looks and attention. he has been overweight since he was a child, so this is the first time he’s experiencing this and he’s clearly loving the attention. anyways, our friends have started to make comments about how i’m a “cougar” that has a younger, fit boyfriend. i just laughed it off and didn’t really care, and didn’t think my husband did either, because i’ve always been fat and older than him. our friends started to say it’s unfair that my “newly” handsome husband is tied down to me (fat) and that i should put effort into being more attractive for his sake. again i didn’t really think my husband cared, but the other day he said he kinda agreed with our friends and thought i should start to lose weight. the thing is, i just don’t want to. i take walks everyday with my dogs, i don’t eat excessively unhealthy, i just gain weight easily, as do my family. eating snacks and watching movies on the weekend is my happy time to wind down after a long week of working. i also know that for me to lose as much weight as he has, i would have to put in so much more effort because i really don’t lose weight easily (i tried a lot when i was a teenager). i just don’t want to live off salads and spend the little free time i have working out. i was fat when my husband proposed to me, i haven’t changed - he has. he knew that he married a fat person, so i don’t think i should be obligated to lose weight. i enjoy my lifestyle. lastly, i asked him if he would want to divorce me over this, and he said no, but he still is trying to pressure me to lose weight. aita? [/INST] nta, your friends are major assholes. however please don’t tout this denial bs about “you don’t lose weight easily”. yes men lose weight more easily than women due to testosterone, but your hobbies are snacking and you don’t want to work out. that’s why you dont lose weight easily, not because you genetically can’t or you physically don’t lose weight.that said... you don’t have to lose weight if you don’t want to. however, it’s probably going to become a rift between you and your partner if you don’t take at least some interest in his new hobby, which is being healthy. tough situation best of luck </s>
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WIBTA if I didn’t feed my roommates snakes when he can’t come back home to do it himself?
|
my roommate asked me to watch his snakes while he went out of town to deal with some family issues. i told him i didn’t want to have to feed them (they eat mice and it freaks me out).
he said his snakes can last without food for a month and fed them about a week before he left, so they were supposed to be fine while he was gone. all i had to do was clean their tanks a little check on their water, and make sure their heat lamps were working.
my roommate had to continue pushing of returning home because of his family issues. now it’s been more than three weeks and he’s definitely not going to be able to come home for another week, maybe longer. so now my roommate expects me to feed his snakes because it wouldn’t be healthy for them to go so long without a meal.
to feed them i would have to open the creepy black container in the freezer, take out some frozen dead mice, and thaw them. he said two of the snakes don’t take thawed mice unless they have to fight for it. so i would have to dangle them in front of the snakes until the grabbed on and tug on it until they started swallowing. he’s got tongs, but it’s still not pleasant.
i already asked about him getting someone else to come over and do it, but he’s kind of a loner and doesn’t have anyone he can call.
he says i’m responsible since i agreed to look after them. i just feel like i was clear i did not want to have to feed any of them. when he last called me he was freaking out and crying because he didn’t want his snakes to die too.
i certainly don’t want them to die, but even considering that i just don’t feel willing to feed them and i just feel like i want to run away from this whole situation. i’m already thinking if this ends badly he’ll get very angry and i’ll have to find another roommate, but maybe we’re both over reacting and everything will be fine.
edit. i’ll try looking online to see if i can find someone else to do it, but i just can’t do it myself.
| 1,209 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kegrjp/wibta_if_i_didnt_feed_my_roommates_snakes_when_he/
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2020-12-16 20:06:49
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nta. you know what loners have access to? pet sitters, same as everyone else. he can pay for a pet sitter to feed them. you were clear about what you would and wouldn’t do.
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ywbta if you let the snakes die. you would not be the asshole if
* you insisted he come back and feed his own damn pets
* you got someone else to do the task
* you hired someone to feed them (and gave him the bill)
* you fed them yourself, complaining and "ew!"-ing the entire time, and chewed him out when he got home.
* as a last resort, you called some kind of snake rescue and told them you had two abandoned snakes that need to eat (after warning your roommate and giving him the chance to do the above)
but yes, you would be the asshole if you let innocent animals die when you could have prevented it. doesn't matter how you prevent it, but you have to do something.
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as the owner of two adorable sneks myself, nta.
my family hate them all, so if we go away for an extended period of time they go back to the exotics shop for boarding.
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nta. tell him to hire someone. dog sitters exist, so i bet there are people who take care of snakes too. all he has to pay for is a one time visit for someone to feed the snake, it can’t cost more than $20. all you need to do is let them in the house.
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yta. feed the snakes. it's not their fault. just wear gloves and take one for the team. all things considered t's a pretty simple task. plus, you can make your roommate take you out to a socially distanced dinner or something as repayment!
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you wbta if you chose not to because it risks the snakes dying. he's dealing with some rough stuff and can't do it himself. if you're having a hard time doing it yourself, ask if a friend of yours can help you out.
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read this as "wibta if i didn't feed my roommate snakes" and couldn't figure out why the roommate wanted to eat snakes in the first place lol
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nah - but does he have a friend or anyone that can come over and do it for you? maybe he can find someone to pay who’s more experienced with caring for snakes?
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nta he shouldn't ask you to do things you find gross....i have two cats, i pay my neighbors kid to feed and take care of them when i am gone....
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i love that last edit! good on you for finding a solution for the little guys!
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| null | null |
NAH
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NTA
| null | 0.361532 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my roommate asked me to watch his snakes while he went out of town to deal with some family issues. i told him i didn’t want to have to feed them (they eat mice and it freaks me out). he said his snakes can last without food for a month and fed them about a week before he left, so they were supposed to be fine while he was gone. all i had to do was clean their tanks a little check on their water, and make sure their heat lamps were working. my roommate had to continue pushing of returning home because of his family issues. now it’s been more than three weeks and he’s definitely not going to be able to come home for another week, maybe longer. so now my roommate expects me to feed his snakes because it wouldn’t be healthy for them to go so long without a meal. to feed them i would have to open the creepy black container in the freezer, take out some frozen dead mice, and thaw them. he said two of the snakes don’t take thawed mice unless they have to fight for it. so i would have to dangle them in front of the snakes until the grabbed on and tug on it until they started swallowing. he’s got tongs, but it’s still not pleasant. i already asked about him getting someone else to come over and do it, but he’s kind of a loner and doesn’t have anyone he can call. he says i’m responsible since i agreed to look after them. i just feel like i was clear i did not want to have to feed any of them. when he last called me he was freaking out and crying because he didn’t want his snakes to die too. i certainly don’t want them to die, but even considering that i just don’t feel willing to feed them and i just feel like i want to run away from this whole situation. i’m already thinking if this ends badly he’ll get very angry and i’ll have to find another roommate, but maybe we’re both over reacting and everything will be fine. edit. i’ll try looking online to see if i can find someone else to do it, but i just can’t do it myself.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my roommate asked me to watch his snakes while he went out of town to deal with some family issues. i told him i didn’t want to have to feed them (they eat mice and it freaks me out). he said his snakes can last without food for a month and fed them about a week before he left, so they were supposed to be fine while he was gone. all i had to do was clean their tanks a little check on their water, and make sure their heat lamps were working. my roommate had to continue pushing of returning home because of his family issues. now it’s been more than three weeks and he’s definitely not going to be able to come home for another week, maybe longer. so now my roommate expects me to feed his snakes because it wouldn’t be healthy for them to go so long without a meal. to feed them i would have to open the creepy black container in the freezer, take out some frozen dead mice, and thaw them. he said two of the snakes don’t take thawed mice unless they have to fight for it. so i would have to dangle them in front of the snakes until the grabbed on and tug on it until they started swallowing. he’s got tongs, but it’s still not pleasant. i already asked about him getting someone else to come over and do it, but he’s kind of a loner and doesn’t have anyone he can call. he says i’m responsible since i agreed to look after them. i just feel like i was clear i did not want to have to feed any of them. when he last called me he was freaking out and crying because he didn’t want his snakes to die too. i certainly don’t want them to die, but even considering that i just don’t feel willing to feed them and i just feel like i want to run away from this whole situation. i’m already thinking if this ends badly he’ll get very angry and i’ll have to find another roommate, but maybe we’re both over reacting and everything will be fine. edit. i’ll try looking online to see if i can find someone else to do it, but i just can’t do it myself. [/INST] nta. you know what loners have access to? pet sitters, same as everyone else. he can pay for a pet sitter to feed them. you were clear about what you would and wouldn’t do. </s>
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AITA for "forcing" my parents to kick my sister out?
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i'm 16f, my sister, joan, is 22f. a bit of background before you come at my parents in this situation - they're good parents but me and my sister went down bad paths. my sister is an addict, she's been addicted to prescription painkillers since she was 14 or 15 after having major surgery. i am a teen parent, i have an almost 4 month old son.
my sister steals to support her habit sometimes. she can't keep a job and my parents were trying to help her, she's been through rehab, na, countless therapies including hypnotherapy but to no avail. i normally keep my room, where i keep anything of value, locked, so my sister can't take anything to sell.
i don't know how i made the mistake of not locking it, but i forgot to lock it before going to school yesterday morning and my sister pretty much ransacked it. she took everything, my tv, my playstation but what bothered me most is that she took my sons formula, diapers and a lot of other products.
she took easily $300 worth of baby products to support her drug use, and while i was able to get some back ups that we keep at his dad's house, it doesn't compare to what was lost.
i went straight to my parents, and this was the last straw for them as they kicked her out and i agreed with them. our maternal grandparents took her in, but they're blowing up mine and my parents phones, calling us heartless, saying i made a big deal over something small, etc etc. they think we're assholes for nit supporting joan. aita?
| 2,543 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ud844m/aita_for_forcing_my_parents_to_kick_my_sister_out/
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2022-04-27 16:50:49
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nta.
grandparents are calling to have your family take her back, because their living room flat screen has mysteriously gone missing already.
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nta
she literally stole from a baby. nope, not ok. your grandparents will find out soon enough that stealing is a big deal.
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nta
* first, you can't 'force' your parents to do anything - this was their choice
* second, it doesn't sound like you were manipulating the situation as there was a clear problem with theft and trust
* third, this was 'the last straw for them,' tells us that previous issues played a role in their decision.
it was her behavior and choices which led to this, not yours.
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nta - you can’t have her in the home stealing from you. you should file a police report and name her as the thief. maybe then she’ll hit bottom and change. as long as someone is giving her a soft place to land she’ll just keep stealing to feed her habit.
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[removed]
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small? tell them to pay you the money she took and then we'll see how small it is to them. you're underage and she stole from you and your kid. your family should be supporting *you*, not her. i get that she has an issue, but that doesn't mean she can do whatever she wants with no regard for anyone else.
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absolutely nta.
you don’t deserve to have your shit stolen, and support is *very* different from enabling. offering to help her get help is support. allowing her to stay when she stole your shit is enabling. no addict benefits from being enabled. it will not help her. it will only allow her to continue to make bad decisions. i’m an ex pill popper, and the best thing that ever happened to me was when my family finally put their foot down and stopped enabling me. y’all did her a favor in the long run.
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i’m not an expert on addiction, but it sounds like your parents have provided all the medical and financial support necessary for your sister to attempt to break the addiction. what i do know is that *no one* makes changes in their life until they are ready *or* they are forced to (like being placed in a psych ward against their will or jailed for a crime).
until your sister is truly ready to break the addiction, she won’t have a chance of succeeding.
sometimes addicts need to hit a hard rock bottom before they will decide to do the work to change.
your family is making an important ultimatum. your sister literally stole food from a baby.
nta.
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nta.
did you file a police report?
as for your (maternal) grandparents, they might want to start locking up their valuables.
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nta - your grandparents will find out soon enough why she was kicked out.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm 16f, my sister, joan, is 22f. a bit of background before you come at my parents in this situation - they're good parents but me and my sister went down bad paths. my sister is an addict, she's been addicted to prescription painkillers since she was 14 or 15 after having major surgery. i am a teen parent, i have an almost 4 month old son. my sister steals to support her habit sometimes. she can't keep a job and my parents were trying to help her, she's been through rehab, na, countless therapies including hypnotherapy but to no avail. i normally keep my room, where i keep anything of value, locked, so my sister can't take anything to sell. i don't know how i made the mistake of not locking it, but i forgot to lock it before going to school yesterday morning and my sister pretty much ransacked it. she took everything, my tv, my playstation but what bothered me most is that she took my sons formula, diapers and a lot of other products. she took easily $300 worth of baby products to support her drug use, and while i was able to get some back ups that we keep at his dad's house, it doesn't compare to what was lost. i went straight to my parents, and this was the last straw for them as they kicked her out and i agreed with them. our maternal grandparents took her in, but they're blowing up mine and my parents phones, calling us heartless, saying i made a big deal over something small, etc etc. they think we're assholes for nit supporting joan. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm 16f, my sister, joan, is 22f. a bit of background before you come at my parents in this situation - they're good parents but me and my sister went down bad paths. my sister is an addict, she's been addicted to prescription painkillers since she was 14 or 15 after having major surgery. i am a teen parent, i have an almost 4 month old son. my sister steals to support her habit sometimes. she can't keep a job and my parents were trying to help her, she's been through rehab, na, countless therapies including hypnotherapy but to no avail. i normally keep my room, where i keep anything of value, locked, so my sister can't take anything to sell. i don't know how i made the mistake of not locking it, but i forgot to lock it before going to school yesterday morning and my sister pretty much ransacked it. she took everything, my tv, my playstation but what bothered me most is that she took my sons formula, diapers and a lot of other products. she took easily $300 worth of baby products to support her drug use, and while i was able to get some back ups that we keep at his dad's house, it doesn't compare to what was lost. i went straight to my parents, and this was the last straw for them as they kicked her out and i agreed with them. our maternal grandparents took her in, but they're blowing up mine and my parents phones, calling us heartless, saying i made a big deal over something small, etc etc. they think we're assholes for nit supporting joan. aita? [/INST] nta. grandparents are calling to have your family take her back, because their living room flat screen has mysteriously gone missing already. </s>
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WIBTA if I picked up my medicine despite my mom?
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i (16f) have had problems with a sore throat since last year. it's a constant itch that won't go away. my doctor sent me to an ent, who said i have acid reflux and she prescribed me medicine to take for six months.
my mom was there with me and she had a freakout. she said we're not picking up the prescription for ppis (medication for reflux) because her doctor once gave her the same thing, and when she googled it, she found some study about it causing stomach cancer. she said i don't need such strong pills at 16 and that i should just drink lemon water and aloe vera in the morning to neutralize the acid. because that's what she does.
i normally don't go against my mom's wishes but i don't really trust her on this because she's too paranoid about any sort of medication. she won't even take her pills for high blood pressure, because she thinks diet and meditation can solve almost any physical problem. but i really don't want my throat issues getting worse.
wibta if i went behind her back and took the medication, without trying the "alternative" remedy first?
| 433 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c5pi4a/wibta_if_i_picked_up_my_medicine_despite_my_mom/
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2019-06-26 12:57:34
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nta - your mama doesn't have a medical degree and acid reflux can cause some serious damage to your stomach lining and esophagus. even ulcers. go for it.
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nta, your doctor studied for this, your mom didn't.
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nta. as a mom i want you to go and get your medicine asap.
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nta.
it’s your health your body. you mum may of made you but she doesn’t own you.
on a side note, if your mum isn’t taking medication then she is risking her own health so she’s definitely not in a position to dictate what you can and can’t do with your own health issues.
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nta
it sounds like your mother is having a hysterical reaction to this prescription. 16 is kind of young to have this kind of problem though. have you tried modifying your diet? i guess you have to gauge whether your problem is bad enough that you are willing to withstand the fallout if your mom found out you took the meds.
did your mom communicate her concerns to your doctor? why not get a second opinion?
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nta
take the medication. i have acid reflux and i can tell you, if you ignore it, it's only going to get worse. eventually, the acid will cause scarring in your throat, and damage the sphincter that is supposed to keep the acid in your stomach and worsen the problem. the scarring can also, in rare cases, lead to cancer of the oesophagus. i've been on the max dose of these tablets for a few years now and haven't found any side effects.
i'd also steer clear of the lemon juice. i tried apple cider vinegar because it can help some people and oh my, almost instant agony. never again.
keeping a food diary and documenting what you eat and drink and whether you get symptoms can also help. bananas soothe my stomach, and milk and fried food are no-nos.
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nta. she wants you to treat acid reflux by drinking an acid (lemon juice)?
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nta. because of your age, there are somethings you would need your mom's permission to do. picking up a prescription *in your name, with your money* is not one of them.
also, if you did decide to try her "alternative medicine", make sure you get the aloe vera from a plant and don't just use something from the store shelf that's formulated for skin care. those gels and lotions usually have additives that would make your problem worse or straight up harm you.
is your mom "anti-vax" too? she seems the type.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (16f) have had problems with a sore throat since last year. it's a constant itch that won't go away. my doctor sent me to an ent, who said i have acid reflux and she prescribed me medicine to take for six months. my mom was there with me and she had a freakout. she said we're not picking up the prescription for ppis (medication for reflux) because her doctor once gave her the same thing, and when she googled it, she found some study about it causing stomach cancer. she said i don't need such strong pills at 16 and that i should just drink lemon water and aloe vera in the morning to neutralize the acid. because that's what she does. i normally don't go against my mom's wishes but i don't really trust her on this because she's too paranoid about any sort of medication. she won't even take her pills for high blood pressure, because she thinks diet and meditation can solve almost any physical problem. but i really don't want my throat issues getting worse. wibta if i went behind her back and took the medication, without trying the "alternative" remedy first?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (16f) have had problems with a sore throat since last year. it's a constant itch that won't go away. my doctor sent me to an ent, who said i have acid reflux and she prescribed me medicine to take for six months. my mom was there with me and she had a freakout. she said we're not picking up the prescription for ppis (medication for reflux) because her doctor once gave her the same thing, and when she googled it, she found some study about it causing stomach cancer. she said i don't need such strong pills at 16 and that i should just drink lemon water and aloe vera in the morning to neutralize the acid. because that's what she does. i normally don't go against my mom's wishes but i don't really trust her on this because she's too paranoid about any sort of medication. she won't even take her pills for high blood pressure, because she thinks diet and meditation can solve almost any physical problem. but i really don't want my throat issues getting worse. wibta if i went behind her back and took the medication, without trying the "alternative" remedy first? [/INST] nta - your mama doesn't have a medical degree and acid reflux can cause some serious damage to your stomach lining and esophagus. even ulcers. go for it. </s>
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AITA for kicking out a family?
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this just happened i'm still shaking and feeling conflicted.
i am currently living with my bf. right now he's out of town driving truck.
my friend called me a few days ago asking if she and her family could stay at my place a few days. i said yes.
last night i asked her if she could babysit for me today since i needed to work and my usual sitter was sick. she said yes and all was well.
i got home today and nobody was home. friend was gone, her boyfriend was gone, their kid was gone, and my kid was gone. no voicemails, no texts, no notes, nothing. i freak out and start blowing up my friends number - no answer. i call her boyfriend's mom because i have no clue where my kid is.
the mom starts going on a tangent about how much stress and drama my friend causes her. i tell her i don't care and ask where my kid is. after telling her twice to shut up and answer my question, i tell her i'm calling the cops and hang up.
while on the phone with the police, i get a text from my friend telling me that she's right around the corner. i go outside and wait on the corner, still with the police on my phone. she pulled in at the same time as the police.
i immediately grab my daughter, meanwhile my friend is yelling at me for getting her in trouble with boyfriend's mom. i tell her to shut up, pack her stuff, and leave. i tell the cops that she was visiting, didn't pay rent, didn't receive mail, and wasn't welcomed. they stayed while she packed up all of her stuff and left. she made her son say "thank you for making us homeless" to me and left.
now i'm crying because...? stress? and i feel like a jerk for making another kid homeless when my kid is safe. did i completely overreact? aita?
edit to add: i was to be home at 5:30. dinner is at 6. she was supposed to put the food i prepped in the oven at 5. i asked her when she showed up where she had been, and she started yelling at me about calling her boyfriend's mom. then i told her to leave.
| 717 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t5jafa/aita_for_kicking_out_a_family/
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2022-03-03 04:37:29
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nta
they did something you weren't comfortable with and were unapologetic and used their kid as a way to make you feel guilty.
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nta, what person walks off with your child without at least leaving a text or note to tell where they are going? or even if it is okay to take your child out? she didn't bother responding to your calls she ignored you and then wondered why you threw her out? you didn't make her child homeless, she did.
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nta. you absolutely did not overreact! she did not have permission to remove your kid from the home!
if her kid is homeless, it’s because she is a crappy mother. she was only staying for a few days. that tells me she plan on staying longer. nothing chaps my hide worse than two freaking grown adults who are able bodied and can’t keep a roof over a kid’s head.
you absolutely did the right thing! you did the brave thing! that woman is really shitty to have her kids say that. she’s also really shitty to make her kid feel that. i feel bad for her kid because his mother is a deadbeat.
wipe that guilt away instantly! you protected your child and you did the right thing.
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i'm suspicious she was ignoring your calls since the boyfriend's mom was able to get through to her right away, it took the cops being mentioned for you to even get a text back. never just take a kid without asking not even a relative, she was absolutely reckless. who know where and for how long she was gone since she decided to not be there at your known arrival time. nta this person did it to themselves.
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nta!!!! your kid always comes first. they crossed a line by not communicating with you what was going on. if you're concerned about the kid report the parents to cps.
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nta. if you're a babysitter, you don't take the kids anywhere without the parents' permission. point blank. if something pops up where you need to do so, you leave a note or text them. you do everything you can to make sure you are available to take any calls from them. you do not just take the kids without a word. i'm not a lawyer, but i wouldn't be surprised if she couldn't get into some type of legal trouble. i don't know if it's technically considered kidnapping, but it at least borders on it.
also, she asked to stay for a few days but said you made her homeless? unless she was waiting a few days before she could move into a place she had bought or rented, then it sounds like she was planning on staying for more. if it was truly just a few days to stay when in between housing, then she should be able to have the money to rent a small hotel room until she's allowed to move into her new place. maybe her parents or her bf's parents will let them stay. if she doesn't have a new place lined up, she was couch surfing. sometimes that's necessary, but she should have been honest. and if she was couch surfing, she should have been working to pay you back for letting her stay for free, not taking your kids somewhere without permission.
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nta. she knew what time you were going to be home and from the sounds of it had plenty of time to let you know she was out and wouldn’t be there when you returned.
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info--what were they doing? if they were just taking a walk together or went around the corner to go to the store, seems like a pretty wild overreaction.
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nta. this woman and her family were staying in your home for free for a few days. she was supposed to put dinner in the oven at 5 so everyone can eat at 6, and instead she's.... gone? and mad that you called her boyfriend's mom asking if she had a clue? where was the boyfriend during all of this?
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this just happened i'm still shaking and feeling conflicted. i am currently living with my bf. right now he's out of town driving truck. my friend called me a few days ago asking if she and her family could stay at my place a few days. i said yes. last night i asked her if she could babysit for me today since i needed to work and my usual sitter was sick. she said yes and all was well. i got home today and nobody was home. friend was gone, her boyfriend was gone, their kid was gone, and my kid was gone. no voicemails, no texts, no notes, nothing. i freak out and start blowing up my friends number - no answer. i call her boyfriend's mom because i have no clue where my kid is. the mom starts going on a tangent about how much stress and drama my friend causes her. i tell her i don't care and ask where my kid is. after telling her twice to shut up and answer my question, i tell her i'm calling the cops and hang up. while on the phone with the police, i get a text from my friend telling me that she's right around the corner. i go outside and wait on the corner, still with the police on my phone. she pulled in at the same time as the police. i immediately grab my daughter, meanwhile my friend is yelling at me for getting her in trouble with boyfriend's mom. i tell her to shut up, pack her stuff, and leave. i tell the cops that she was visiting, didn't pay rent, didn't receive mail, and wasn't welcomed. they stayed while she packed up all of her stuff and left. she made her son say "thank you for making us homeless" to me and left. now i'm crying because...? stress? and i feel like a jerk for making another kid homeless when my kid is safe. did i completely overreact? aita? edit to add: i was to be home at 5:30. dinner is at 6. she was supposed to put the food i prepped in the oven at 5. i asked her when she showed up where she had been, and she started yelling at me about calling her boyfriend's mom. then i told her to leave.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this just happened i'm still shaking and feeling conflicted. i am currently living with my bf. right now he's out of town driving truck. my friend called me a few days ago asking if she and her family could stay at my place a few days. i said yes. last night i asked her if she could babysit for me today since i needed to work and my usual sitter was sick. she said yes and all was well. i got home today and nobody was home. friend was gone, her boyfriend was gone, their kid was gone, and my kid was gone. no voicemails, no texts, no notes, nothing. i freak out and start blowing up my friends number - no answer. i call her boyfriend's mom because i have no clue where my kid is. the mom starts going on a tangent about how much stress and drama my friend causes her. i tell her i don't care and ask where my kid is. after telling her twice to shut up and answer my question, i tell her i'm calling the cops and hang up. while on the phone with the police, i get a text from my friend telling me that she's right around the corner. i go outside and wait on the corner, still with the police on my phone. she pulled in at the same time as the police. i immediately grab my daughter, meanwhile my friend is yelling at me for getting her in trouble with boyfriend's mom. i tell her to shut up, pack her stuff, and leave. i tell the cops that she was visiting, didn't pay rent, didn't receive mail, and wasn't welcomed. they stayed while she packed up all of her stuff and left. she made her son say "thank you for making us homeless" to me and left. now i'm crying because...? stress? and i feel like a jerk for making another kid homeless when my kid is safe. did i completely overreact? aita? edit to add: i was to be home at 5:30. dinner is at 6. she was supposed to put the food i prepped in the oven at 5. i asked her when she showed up where she had been, and she started yelling at me about calling her boyfriend's mom. then i told her to leave. [/INST] nta they did something you weren't comfortable with and were unapologetic and used their kid as a way to make you feel guilty. </s>
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AITA for using my father's phobia against him for my Christmas prank?
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since i was very young, my dad has always made a point of having what he calls "gnome-phobia." basically he says that he had a traumatic childhood experience and can't stand the sight of garden gnomes? as my siblings and i got older, we figured out this was probably just an elaborate lie to keep our mom from buying the more 'cutesy' garden decorations that my dad has always hated in other people's lawns.
so, cut to this christmas. my dad has this weird nativity set that he puts up every christmas—it's a set of plastic figurines that comes up to your hip, and it takes up at least a third of the living room, and everyone has always hated it. when i saw someone on facebook marketplace selling a set of large-sized garden gnomes i decided it would be a funny christmas prank.
i bought the gnomes and hid them in the trunk of my car. christmas eve, when my parents were asleep, i enlisted the help of my brother to replace all the nativity figures with the garden gnomes. i bought a regular, small gnome for baby jesus.
i thought it would be funny to come downstairs christmas morning and see all the gnomes, but my dad freaked out at me and started demanding where i'd put his nativity set (in the trunk of my car). i think everyone was a little caught off guard at how big his reaction was, so i returned the nativity set after apologizing. he stormed upstairs after i returned his stupid nativity set and my mom told me later that he almost cried.
my dad told me he forgave me, and we opened presents after he came back downstairs, but he's been avoiding me in the house ever since. yesterday my mom told me it was immature and mean of me to use my dad's phobia of gnomes against him like that, and she wants me to apologize again. i'm so confused, and feel bad for upsetting my dad, but... they're gnomes, so i don't know if he really has a phobia of them. he's a grown man.
aita?
| 616 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kr9lf9/aita_for_using_my_fathers_phobia_against_him_for/
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2021-01-05 22:31:49
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yta. gee, it's almost like he told you about his trauma-induced phobia, who could have predicted he'd have a severe reaction to the very thing he has a phobia to?
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yta, especially with the "he's a grown man" comment. do you think only women and children have phobias?
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yta
the last sentence solidified it.
it doesnt matter how old someone is, something can completely unsettle them at any age. there are people older than your dad who have traumatic things that terrify them.
i see where you wanted to have fun, but that prank went over a line.
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>as my siblings and i got older, we figured out this was probably just an elaborate lie
&#x200b;
>i thought it would be funny to come downstairs christmas morning and see all the gnomes
&#x200b;
>my dad freaked out...he stormed upstairs...he almost cried.
i think you and your siblings were probably wrong.
**yta**
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yta. phobias are irrational. that’s in the definition. anyone of any age or gender can have any phobia. you don’t get to decide whether someone’s phobia is valid or not.
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yta
>basically he says that he had a traumatic childhood experience and can't stand the sight of garden gnomes?
then don't fuck with him
> i think everyone was a little caught off guard at how big his reaction was, so i returned the nativity set after apologizing.
you got the reaction that you wanted. i doubt you're sorry.
>my dad told me he forgave me, and we opened presents after he came back downstairs, but he's been avoiding me in the house ever since.
wonder why?
>i'm so confused, and feel bad for upsetting my dad, but... they're gnomes, so i don't know if he really has a phobia of them. he's a grown man.
they are gnomes and you know that he hates them.
learn some fucking empathy op
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yta. there's the story of baby charlie. a real life experiment where scientists placed a white teddy bear in front of a child. whenever the child reached for it, they would clang a loud noise, startling the baby. after doing this a few times, the baby starting fearing the teddy bear and anything closely related to it like the color white, a fur coat, etc.
fear has no rational explanation. you dont know why your dad fear the gnomes. it could be something as simple as being scared of chucky, or something as brutal like finding a rotting animal corpse inside a gnome. (and yes, that happened to me) what you did was just plain mean and unfunny, but you acting like his fear is nbd is worse.
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yta. in my experience, pranks never have a good result, especially when it comes to phobias. being a grown man has nothing to do with a phobia, especially if he had a traumatic experience. you were extremely insensitive.
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it's sad that you really didn't bother doing your research because a quick google search came up with the fear of garden gnomes. he's literally been telling you the name of his phobia for years and you just decided that since he's a grown man and his fear is "ridiculous", that it must've been a lie. because *obviously* big strong man can't be scared of anything. out of curiosity, do you know what the traumatic event was? do you even care? maybe do your research. just because a person's fear is silly to you doesn't mean it's not severe to them. also, the literal definition of a phobia is an intense and often irrational fear.
yta and apologize as many times as it takes.
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yta. you don’t get to decide who is allowed to have fears, and of what those fears should consist. yta for gatekeeping fear & for exploiting a fear for your own amusement.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: since i was very young, my dad has always made a point of having what he calls "gnome-phobia." basically he says that he had a traumatic childhood experience and can't stand the sight of garden gnomes? as my siblings and i got older, we figured out this was probably just an elaborate lie to keep our mom from buying the more 'cutesy' garden decorations that my dad has always hated in other people's lawns. so, cut to this christmas. my dad has this weird nativity set that he puts up every christmas—it's a set of plastic figurines that comes up to your hip, and it takes up at least a third of the living room, and everyone has always hated it. when i saw someone on facebook marketplace selling a set of large-sized garden gnomes i decided it would be a funny christmas prank. i bought the gnomes and hid them in the trunk of my car. christmas eve, when my parents were asleep, i enlisted the help of my brother to replace all the nativity figures with the garden gnomes. i bought a regular, small gnome for baby jesus. i thought it would be funny to come downstairs christmas morning and see all the gnomes, but my dad freaked out at me and started demanding where i'd put his nativity set (in the trunk of my car). i think everyone was a little caught off guard at how big his reaction was, so i returned the nativity set after apologizing. he stormed upstairs after i returned his stupid nativity set and my mom told me later that he almost cried. my dad told me he forgave me, and we opened presents after he came back downstairs, but he's been avoiding me in the house ever since. yesterday my mom told me it was immature and mean of me to use my dad's phobia of gnomes against him like that, and she wants me to apologize again. i'm so confused, and feel bad for upsetting my dad, but... they're gnomes, so i don't know if he really has a phobia of them. he's a grown man. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
since i was very young, my dad has always made a point of having what he calls "gnome-phobia." basically he says that he had a traumatic childhood experience and can't stand the sight of garden gnomes? as my siblings and i got older, we figured out this was probably just an elaborate lie to keep our mom from buying the more 'cutesy' garden decorations that my dad has always hated in other people's lawns. so, cut to this christmas. my dad has this weird nativity set that he puts up every christmas—it's a set of plastic figurines that comes up to your hip, and it takes up at least a third of the living room, and everyone has always hated it. when i saw someone on facebook marketplace selling a set of large-sized garden gnomes i decided it would be a funny christmas prank. i bought the gnomes and hid them in the trunk of my car. christmas eve, when my parents were asleep, i enlisted the help of my brother to replace all the nativity figures with the garden gnomes. i bought a regular, small gnome for baby jesus. i thought it would be funny to come downstairs christmas morning and see all the gnomes, but my dad freaked out at me and started demanding where i'd put his nativity set (in the trunk of my car). i think everyone was a little caught off guard at how big his reaction was, so i returned the nativity set after apologizing. he stormed upstairs after i returned his stupid nativity set and my mom told me later that he almost cried. my dad told me he forgave me, and we opened presents after he came back downstairs, but he's been avoiding me in the house ever since. yesterday my mom told me it was immature and mean of me to use my dad's phobia of gnomes against him like that, and she wants me to apologize again. i'm so confused, and feel bad for upsetting my dad, but... they're gnomes, so i don't know if he really has a phobia of them. he's a grown man. aita? [/INST] yta. gee, it's almost like he told you about his trauma-induced phobia, who could have predicted he'd have a severe reaction to the very thing he has a phobia to? </s>
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AITA for going to church with my fiancée when I am not remotely religious?
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so i (31m) am engaged to my fiancée jill (29f) to be married sometime next year, with any luck. we've been dating four years and got engaged in december. this mostly all went down in late january to early march, but i was reminded of it today.
i am agnostic and don't believe in any sort of deity or similar being, just doesn't fit my worldview. jill is pretty religious, and church was always important to her, but not to me. when we got engaged, she asked if i could come to church with her once or twice a month (she goes pretty, pardon the pun, religiously) as it's important. she said i don't have to get super involved, and she's not asking me to convert, she just wants me to get to know the community and because it's important to her. this seems like a totally reasonable thing to me, i love her, she loves this and wants to share it. so i went to church with her, four times between mid-january and early march. it was an interesting experience, the community was friendly and warm as advertised, the sermons were interesting, i like the general tone of "be a good a person, learn some lessons", but i mostly just sat there quietly, i didn't pray with everyone else, when people lined up for communion i didn't go, etc. not only was i not interested, but it seemed sort of disrespectful to me to go through these motions that held no meaning for me. jill said (and acted) like this was fine, and i believe her but other people took note.
after our last mass, jill ran off to talk to someone about some events that has been rescheduled and i was left talking with some other people there, a nice married couple in their 40s and an older woman. they started inquiring why i didn't participate and i answered honestly, that i didn't personally believe, but i was there because jill asked me to be and i did find it interesting. they immediately got angry and told me it was rude of to take up a seat in the lord's house when it meant nothing to me. i pointed out that the church wasn't exactly packed and i was scolded by the couple for mocking them. feeling irritation, i said (paraphrasing) "i thought you people were supposed to be accepting and welcoming" and they all harumph'd and walked away. later that night, jill got some phone calls (i had warned her what happened on the way home) criticizing me and forgiving her for bringing me. since then, we haven't been to church for... other reasons. however jill asked me about going back with her when she is able to and i was honestly unsure if it was a good idea. she says it's fine, but i clearly offended some people and i did not mean to.
was i the asshole for going to church as a non-believer and for calling out the people that picked a fight with me? i think i might be because my lack of participation clearly upset some of the church goers and i don't really know the protocol here, jill says i'm fine but i'm worried she's trying to spare my feelings.
| 839 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k4g5st/aita_for_going_to_church_with_my_fiancée_when_i/
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2020-12-01 07:22:12
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nta, dude you handled it like a pro, and your partner sounds very supportive and down to earth. good job my dude.
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nta- there's reasons to go to church/other religious sanctuaries outside of just religion. for example, building a sense of community, helping the poor/sick, or simply spending time with a loved one who's a believer. they are on some moral high horse, ignore them and do you!
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nta at all. assuming it was a catholic mass, you did exactly as you were supposed to do (show up, be respectful, refrain from taking communion unless you are catholic, etc.) in fact, many catholics, including myself, would commend you for accompanying her to church because you’re making what’s important to her important to you. absolutely cool.
and let’s be real about seat availability here. i’ve been catholic my whole life, and i go to church every week unless i’m sick or there’s a pandemic. the only time i’ve seen or heard of seats being in short supply at a mass is when it’s a particularly special occasion. even if the pope himself were there, and every catholic in a 500 mile radius were trying to get in, you wouldn’t be the a for going to mass with jill. not sure what’s up with these people telling you otherwise. they should have behaved better.
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nta - former christian, you're fine man. they should be ecstatic that a non-believer is there, as they're supposed to spread the word and convert.
this kind of behavior is why i stopped going to church.
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nta and in certain sects you should not be taking communion that would be a worse thing than taking it. you are there supporting your soon to be wife. that is fantastic. please keep going. but there will be people there who are gatekeepers to their beliefs, ignore them. if you are truly worried have a conversation with the head pastor or priest. they are usually happy to see bodies in the pews and next time a gatekeeper bugs you tell them, well i talked with rev. bill and he seems to find this just fine and dandy.
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>and forgiving her for bringing me
this is comical. aggressive forgiveness.
nta, you possibly understand their faith better than they do.
matthew 5:5 "blessed are the meek...."
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nta, those who aren't baptised/confirmed or a member of the church are usually not encouraged to participate in communion. it's a completely symoblic part of a service (unless you're catholic), and means nothing if you're not a believer, so why would you.
not all christians understand this concept. not all christians are good at minding their own business and not judging others. you're fine.
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>jill is pretty religious, not strictly (we live together and, you know, do the things couples do when they live together)...
lmaooo.
anyways, nta. your story highlights the problems that exist in organized religions. they preach tolerance and open-mindedness, but many of the followers expect people to be believers without questioning it at all, and they ostracize anyone who dares to think for themselves. i believe in god myself, but this is something that bugs me a lot.
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nta
those people that told you off for not being a believer are not being good christians
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old people are just like this for some reason. you're a good husband though and jill is lucky to have you. i don't think there's any harm in going again and you're nta for telling them off.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (31m) am engaged to my fiancée jill (29f) to be married sometime next year, with any luck. we've been dating four years and got engaged in december. this mostly all went down in late january to early march, but i was reminded of it today. i am agnostic and don't believe in any sort of deity or similar being, just doesn't fit my worldview. jill is pretty religious, and church was always important to her, but not to me. when we got engaged, she asked if i could come to church with her once or twice a month (she goes pretty, pardon the pun, religiously) as it's important. she said i don't have to get super involved, and she's not asking me to convert, she just wants me to get to know the community and because it's important to her. this seems like a totally reasonable thing to me, i love her, she loves this and wants to share it. so i went to church with her, four times between mid-january and early march. it was an interesting experience, the community was friendly and warm as advertised, the sermons were interesting, i like the general tone of "be a good a person, learn some lessons", but i mostly just sat there quietly, i didn't pray with everyone else, when people lined up for communion i didn't go, etc. not only was i not interested, but it seemed sort of disrespectful to me to go through these motions that held no meaning for me. jill said (and acted) like this was fine, and i believe her but other people took note. after our last mass, jill ran off to talk to someone about some events that has been rescheduled and i was left talking with some other people there, a nice married couple in their 40s and an older woman. they started inquiring why i didn't participate and i answered honestly, that i didn't personally believe, but i was there because jill asked me to be and i did find it interesting. they immediately got angry and told me it was rude of to take up a seat in the lord's house when it meant nothing to me. i pointed out that the church wasn't exactly packed and i was scolded by the couple for mocking them. feeling irritation, i said (paraphrasing) "i thought you people were supposed to be accepting and welcoming" and they all harumph'd and walked away. later that night, jill got some phone calls (i had warned her what happened on the way home) criticizing me and forgiving her for bringing me. since then, we haven't been to church for... other reasons. however jill asked me about going back with her when she is able to and i was honestly unsure if it was a good idea. she says it's fine, but i clearly offended some people and i did not mean to. was i the asshole for going to church as a non-believer and for calling out the people that picked a fight with me? i think i might be because my lack of participation clearly upset some of the church goers and i don't really know the protocol here, jill says i'm fine but i'm worried she's trying to spare my feelings.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (31m) am engaged to my fiancée jill (29f) to be married sometime next year, with any luck. we've been dating four years and got engaged in december. this mostly all went down in late january to early march, but i was reminded of it today. i am agnostic and don't believe in any sort of deity or similar being, just doesn't fit my worldview. jill is pretty religious, and church was always important to her, but not to me. when we got engaged, she asked if i could come to church with her once or twice a month (she goes pretty, pardon the pun, religiously) as it's important. she said i don't have to get super involved, and she's not asking me to convert, she just wants me to get to know the community and because it's important to her. this seems like a totally reasonable thing to me, i love her, she loves this and wants to share it. so i went to church with her, four times between mid-january and early march. it was an interesting experience, the community was friendly and warm as advertised, the sermons were interesting, i like the general tone of "be a good a person, learn some lessons", but i mostly just sat there quietly, i didn't pray with everyone else, when people lined up for communion i didn't go, etc. not only was i not interested, but it seemed sort of disrespectful to me to go through these motions that held no meaning for me. jill said (and acted) like this was fine, and i believe her but other people took note. after our last mass, jill ran off to talk to someone about some events that has been rescheduled and i was left talking with some other people there, a nice married couple in their 40s and an older woman. they started inquiring why i didn't participate and i answered honestly, that i didn't personally believe, but i was there because jill asked me to be and i did find it interesting. they immediately got angry and told me it was rude of to take up a seat in the lord's house when it meant nothing to me. i pointed out that the church wasn't exactly packed and i was scolded by the couple for mocking them. feeling irritation, i said (paraphrasing) "i thought you people were supposed to be accepting and welcoming" and they all harumph'd and walked away. later that night, jill got some phone calls (i had warned her what happened on the way home) criticizing me and forgiving her for bringing me. since then, we haven't been to church for... other reasons. however jill asked me about going back with her when she is able to and i was honestly unsure if it was a good idea. she says it's fine, but i clearly offended some people and i did not mean to. was i the asshole for going to church as a non-believer and for calling out the people that picked a fight with me? i think i might be because my lack of participation clearly upset some of the church goers and i don't really know the protocol here, jill says i'm fine but i'm worried she's trying to spare my feelings. [/INST] nta, dude you handled it like a pro, and your partner sounds very supportive and down to earth. good job my dude. </s>
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AITA for having my own room and sleeping in a different room/bed than my wife?
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my wife and i have been together for 6+ years. she has changed on some things since we got together, but is still really messy.
i am tired of her feeling like i am naggy, but i have finally had enough. i fucking hate that she eats in the bed and that there are crumbs on the sheets sometimes. i don't like that she leaves clothes on the floor. i don't like that she wears my clothes without permission and then i can't find them when i want them.
our 3 year old also sleeps in our queen size bed (we agreed to this until he wants his own bed.) he is incredibly cute, but he squirms all goddam night.
i need my own space. these things aside, she is a really warm, driven, and fun person to be around. she says i'm being ridiculous. aita for drawing the line? i feel like i should've done this shit way sooner, if anything.
| 4,465 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dzel41/aita_for_having_my_own_room_and_sleeping_in_a/
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2019-11-21 05:26:06
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nta. i've only been married for 2 years, but i just can't get the same quality of sleep when i'm in bed with my husband. i often sleep on the couch. if she can't meet you halfway/respect your stuff i'm not sure what else you can do.
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nta - eating in bed is nasty. not saying we're all innocent all the time but when you have crumbs all over is nasty. kids do sleep in the bed of parents alot but that's usually when they all ready have a bed of their own and are still trying to get use to it. that can be a habit that's hard to break so the early they get their own bed the better.
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nta. my dream setup is to split a duplex with my future husband. 🤷🏻♀️
edited to say: thanks for the upvotes, everyone. i’ve been made to feel strange about this topic almost every time i’ve brought it up. it’s nice to find some kindred spirits for once.
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esh.
moving into your own room may be practical. i’m not sure if it was mutually discussed and agreed on beforehand. therefore it can be hurtful to her because having separate rooms may be symbolic of a ‘failed’ marriage to her.
y’all need to communicate better and come up with a better mutually acceptable solutions.
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nta, my husband and i sleep in separate beds for various reasons despite how mush we wish we could snuggle all night. honestly, it makes the snuggling before going to bed a lot more special imo.
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nah not all partners sleep in the same bed sometimes it just makes things easier for both parties she can eat and you dont have to sleep in crumbs
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nta. i feel like our lives are reversed. i finally moved to my own bedroom after 10 years of marriage because my husband is just like your wife. he eats in the bed and leaves crumbles every where. he lets our son sleep in the bed (he is now 3) ever since he was born. he doesn’t hang his used clothes in the closet and they lie around randomly in the bedroom. not trying to exaggerate, but once i was out of town for few days and by the time i returned, our bedroom was a stinkhouse with dozens of take out containers with mold growing on them. i could go on and on, but you get the picture. no matter what others say, i will seriously support your decision because i underwent that pain!!!!
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nta. i've been married 16 years. my husband and one dog sleep in his bed. i and another dog sleep in another bed. i can't stand the heat and the snoring. as long as you still make time to fuck, sleeping alone is preferable...
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nta - get into that crumb free bed and enjoy some zzzzz's!
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esh
i think both of you need to start building more irl boundaries instead of using walls to keep you apart. some mistakes will happen but it is totally possible to learn how to treat one another better, whether it starts in the first few years or decades in. choosing completely separate rooms just seems like a really weird way to fix the problem when there’s likely an easier, more comfortable solution for both of you (that wouldn’t likely lead to a little resentment or guilt!).
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.07273 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have been together for 6+ years. she has changed on some things since we got together, but is still really messy. i am tired of her feeling like i am naggy, but i have finally had enough. i fucking hate that she eats in the bed and that there are crumbs on the sheets sometimes. i don't like that she leaves clothes on the floor. i don't like that she wears my clothes without permission and then i can't find them when i want them. our 3 year old also sleeps in our queen size bed (we agreed to this until he wants his own bed.) he is incredibly cute, but he squirms all goddam night. i need my own space. these things aside, she is a really warm, driven, and fun person to be around. she says i'm being ridiculous. aita for drawing the line? i feel like i should've done this shit way sooner, if anything.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have been together for 6+ years. she has changed on some things since we got together, but is still really messy. i am tired of her feeling like i am naggy, but i have finally had enough. i fucking hate that she eats in the bed and that there are crumbs on the sheets sometimes. i don't like that she leaves clothes on the floor. i don't like that she wears my clothes without permission and then i can't find them when i want them. our 3 year old also sleeps in our queen size bed (we agreed to this until he wants his own bed.) he is incredibly cute, but he squirms all goddam night. i need my own space. these things aside, she is a really warm, driven, and fun person to be around. she says i'm being ridiculous. aita for drawing the line? i feel like i should've done this shit way sooner, if anything. [/INST] nta. i've only been married for 2 years, but i just can't get the same quality of sleep when i'm in bed with my husband. i often sleep on the couch. if she can't meet you halfway/respect your stuff i'm not sure what else you can do. </s>
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AITA for getting mad over cookies?
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my friend katie came over and we had a good old fashioned sleepover. she had been talking about pastries all day, and mentioned she was craving something sweet. i happened to have a sleeve of unopened girl scout thin mints in the freezer, so i got em for her and said "oh yea, np, eat as many as you want"
bitch ate the whole damn sleeve. no remorse. i know i said eat as many as you want but i figured that would be like 5 or 6 at most. we were not high or drunk if that makes any difference. it's been about two weeks now and i'm still thinking about.
tl;dr bitch ate all my thin mints.
| 342 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bbrnpn/aita_for_getting_mad_over_cookies/
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2019-04-10 21:31:05
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yta you told her to eat as many as she wants.
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yta
learn the difference between "yeah, here have some" and "have as many as you want." both equally polite, but one implies that you don't plan on having any and don't care if they're gone
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yta - you told her to and she did. pikachuface.jpg
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yta - "eat as many as you want" you didn't say "eat as many as you want but leave me a few."
you're still thinking about this two weeks later? and you post about it?
silly
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yta. fume all you want, privately, but you told the cookie fucking monster to have all she wants.
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yta and petty too. i would eat a whole sleeve too! if you wanted some you were there you should have had some.
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yta: you told her she could 8| and you call her a bitch twice, calm down.
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yta. you said she could eat as many as she wants. and i don't understand someone getting mad over some cookies. but for future reference when you share something with someone, but don't want them to eat all, be clear and say: here have a few, don't eat them all, cause i want some too. it's as simple as that.
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yta. it's one sleeve of cookies and you're still mad 2 weeks later? you called her bitch twice too, you sure she's your friend?
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nah unless you actually bring it up. it's fine to be annoyed but don't offer something if you don't mean it.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friend katie came over and we had a good old fashioned sleepover. she had been talking about pastries all day, and mentioned she was craving something sweet. i happened to have a sleeve of unopened girl scout thin mints in the freezer, so i got em for her and said "oh yea, np, eat as many as you want" bitch ate the whole damn sleeve. no remorse. i know i said eat as many as you want but i figured that would be like 5 or 6 at most. we were not high or drunk if that makes any difference. it's been about two weeks now and i'm still thinking about. tl;dr bitch ate all my thin mints.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my friend katie came over and we had a good old fashioned sleepover. she had been talking about pastries all day, and mentioned she was craving something sweet. i happened to have a sleeve of unopened girl scout thin mints in the freezer, so i got em for her and said "oh yea, np, eat as many as you want" bitch ate the whole damn sleeve. no remorse. i know i said eat as many as you want but i figured that would be like 5 or 6 at most. we were not high or drunk if that makes any difference. it's been about two weeks now and i'm still thinking about. tl;dr bitch ate all my thin mints. [/INST] yta you told her to eat as many as she wants. </s>
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AITA for going to dinner with an old man
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a little background info to start off with: my husband “luke” (28m) and i (25f) have been together for 7 years. we moved to the town where my family has lived for 35+ years.
my husband lives a very free and active lifestyle. he works long hours and i’m fine with him doing as he pleases with his free time. he ride dirt bikes every weekend with a group, or has some other hobbies that fill his time. we make time for each other as well, and are respectful of each other when it comes to making plans.
there is a man my family has known for 30+ years that we’ve all known as “grandpa john” (80yrs old, name changed). he has traveled all over the country to help out my family with various needs, and when we were children he took us out all of the time to bowl, get ice cream, etc. he took care of my sick aunt for many years and is very close to this day.
luke has never met grandpa john because the last time grandpa john was at a family function was when a cousin got married and luke didn’t attend due to work. grandpa john and i didn’t have any contact with each other for about 10 years prior because my immediate family moved away and i was a kid then, but my mother has always kept contact.
grandpa john recently found out that i was back in town and that it was my birthday through my older brother who has kept close contact, and so he asked for my number so he could wish me a happy birthday and go to dinner sometime to catch up. i told him about a planned birthday breakfast organized by my grandma and he intended to come but the california fires ended up setting off his asthma and he was hospitalized. he was in the hospital for several days recovering. when he got out he contacted me and told me he was better so we planned for tonight at a local diner.
i told luke about my plans, and was met with hostility. luke was painting a picture of a dirty old man with bad intentions. i explained that he was a close family friend and he’s never done anything to make anyone uncomfortable. i reminded luke that i don’t know most of his riding buddies, the people he works with or the many friends on facebook, and that i don’t give him crap for it.
i asked him to grant me equal freedoms because i was feeling suffocated. and now he’s calling me miserable and is saying i should take some time away from him. so, reddit. what say you? aita? my husband wants me to see things from his perspective, and i have tried but i can’t bring myself to agree with him.
| 147 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/izrdkq/aita_for_going_to_dinner_with_an_old_man/
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2020-09-25 20:30:41
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nta. something is very wrong with luke.
is he normally jealous of any men who come near you, or is this new behavior?
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nta. that's messed up. luke sounds very jealous and controlling, and overreacting very strongly to you meeting up with an old family friend. i hope he has other good qualities.
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hey guys, update for you! luke called me about 10 minutes ago to apologize. he said that he didn’t want to fight with me and that he was sorry for hurting my feelings. then he asked for more background info on grandpa john, and seemed more at ease with it. i think this was a weird case of him being caught off guard because going out to dinner with people that aren’t him or people he knows hasn’t been the norm for me since we got married. maybe he has some internal issues going on with himself that pushed him toward thinking about our meeting as something perverted, and maybe luke and i will need to talk about that. i’ve been making an effort to build my own social circle back up because i feel we do better when we have independent lifestyles but still make a good effort to come together and grow together. we have had issues in the past, kind of a given when you’re in a relationship with someone for many years. feels like growing pains to me. :) i appreciate everyone’s insight, i feel bad though because i seem to have painted a picture of luke as being overly controlling. what happened here isn’t the norm for us, if it were i don’t think i would have written about it here. i felt puzzled by it and obviously many of you are too. thank you for all of your input! i know 100% now that i am nta! does that mean i get a prize?
**id also like to add that before we moved here to my hometown we knew all of the same people and everyone knew everyone, so now we are in a place where i know people he doesn’t and he knows people i don’t. it has caused interesting changes in our dynamic.
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nta. why is he jealous of a man who’s been a family friend your entire life and is old enough to be your grandfather?
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something is up with your husband.
if he is having a problem with you going to dinner with an 80 year old family friend... this does not sound like he is being “respectful of each other when it comes to making plans”. and further saying you should “take time away from” husband because if this...disagreement... and you are “miserable”.
what. the. hell.
you are nta. but husband sure is acting like one.
ever heard of projection? if you haven’t, you should definitely google it... and then find out more about your husbands activities when you aren’t there.
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nta - maybe invite your husband to come along.
but it does sound like a double standard.
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nta, unless we're missing a huge chunk of the story here. you have a family friend who has reached out to you to catch up, that's nice, not creepy. unless you've complained to your husband about john in some way, he has no reason to be projecting his fears onto you.
invite john and your husband out together if it helps, but it sounds like your husband just has some strange idea of what family friends are.
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nta but your husband is.
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a little background info to start off with: my husband “luke” (28m) and i (25f) have been together for 7 years. we moved to the town where my family has lived for 35+ years. my husband lives a very free and active lifestyle. he works long hours and i’m fine with him doing as he pleases with his free time. he ride dirt bikes every weekend with a group, or has some other hobbies that fill his time. we make time for each other as well, and are respectful of each other when it comes to making plans. there is a man my family has known for 30+ years that we’ve all known as “grandpa john” (80yrs old, name changed). he has traveled all over the country to help out my family with various needs, and when we were children he took us out all of the time to bowl, get ice cream, etc. he took care of my sick aunt for many years and is very close to this day. luke has never met grandpa john because the last time grandpa john was at a family function was when a cousin got married and luke didn’t attend due to work. grandpa john and i didn’t have any contact with each other for about 10 years prior because my immediate family moved away and i was a kid then, but my mother has always kept contact. grandpa john recently found out that i was back in town and that it was my birthday through my older brother who has kept close contact, and so he asked for my number so he could wish me a happy birthday and go to dinner sometime to catch up. i told him about a planned birthday breakfast organized by my grandma and he intended to come but the california fires ended up setting off his asthma and he was hospitalized. he was in the hospital for several days recovering. when he got out he contacted me and told me he was better so we planned for tonight at a local diner. i told luke about my plans, and was met with hostility. luke was painting a picture of a dirty old man with bad intentions. i explained that he was a close family friend and he’s never done anything to make anyone uncomfortable. i reminded luke that i don’t know most of his riding buddies, the people he works with or the many friends on facebook, and that i don’t give him crap for it. i asked him to grant me equal freedoms because i was feeling suffocated. and now he’s calling me miserable and is saying i should take some time away from him. so, reddit. what say you? aita? my husband wants me to see things from his perspective, and i have tried but i can’t bring myself to agree with him.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a little background info to start off with: my husband “luke” (28m) and i (25f) have been together for 7 years. we moved to the town where my family has lived for 35+ years. my husband lives a very free and active lifestyle. he works long hours and i’m fine with him doing as he pleases with his free time. he ride dirt bikes every weekend with a group, or has some other hobbies that fill his time. we make time for each other as well, and are respectful of each other when it comes to making plans. there is a man my family has known for 30+ years that we’ve all known as “grandpa john” (80yrs old, name changed). he has traveled all over the country to help out my family with various needs, and when we were children he took us out all of the time to bowl, get ice cream, etc. he took care of my sick aunt for many years and is very close to this day. luke has never met grandpa john because the last time grandpa john was at a family function was when a cousin got married and luke didn’t attend due to work. grandpa john and i didn’t have any contact with each other for about 10 years prior because my immediate family moved away and i was a kid then, but my mother has always kept contact. grandpa john recently found out that i was back in town and that it was my birthday through my older brother who has kept close contact, and so he asked for my number so he could wish me a happy birthday and go to dinner sometime to catch up. i told him about a planned birthday breakfast organized by my grandma and he intended to come but the california fires ended up setting off his asthma and he was hospitalized. he was in the hospital for several days recovering. when he got out he contacted me and told me he was better so we planned for tonight at a local diner. i told luke about my plans, and was met with hostility. luke was painting a picture of a dirty old man with bad intentions. i explained that he was a close family friend and he’s never done anything to make anyone uncomfortable. i reminded luke that i don’t know most of his riding buddies, the people he works with or the many friends on facebook, and that i don’t give him crap for it. i asked him to grant me equal freedoms because i was feeling suffocated. and now he’s calling me miserable and is saying i should take some time away from him. so, reddit. what say you? aita? my husband wants me to see things from his perspective, and i have tried but i can’t bring myself to agree with him. [/INST] nta. something is very wrong with luke. is he normally jealous of any men who come near you, or is this new behavior? </s>
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AITA for not being the cook at my girlfriend BBQ.
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my girlfriend (28f) and i (30m) have been going out for 5 years. we bought a house last year and due to covid, we were not able to have a real house warming party.
she decided to invite her friend so we can have a house warming party. she asked me if i could be the cook at the bbq, as im always in charge of that side of cooking in our house. i simply asked her to post a poll to ask what everyone wanted to eat. im a hunter, im a fisherman, my choice of menu is not a crowd pleaser. i dont mind cooking hot dog and hamburger, but i prefer to cook pike and bear meat. also, for having cooked for her friend before, i know some of them are notoriously picky.
we are now a few days from the event, and i asked her what the result of the poll were. she told me, she never sent it, to just cook whatever i wanted. i told her that i would make moose burger. to me its the highest delicacy i can serve to a guest. she then told me that her friends would not like that and to find something else.
i tend told her i resigned as a cook. if she want me to start the gas grill or the smoker, i dont mind, but i wouldnt do any actual cooking.
she called me an asshole, for dropping that task on her but i dont feel like one. what do you guys think?
| 848 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/okk3od/aita_for_not_being_the_cook_at_my_girlfriend_bbq/
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2021-07-15 03:07:51
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yta. just pick something simple like a beef burger or hotdogs. you’re making this into an issue for no reason. seriously, pick your battles and support your gf.
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yta. you actually sound like an asshole. no one wants moose burgers. like did you think a poll would come back with fucking moose burgers? and who in the fuck makes a poll for food at a party.
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yta ~~e s h~~\*
> i dont mind cooking hot dog and hamburger
yeah, this is **clearly not true**.
\* *i initially gave op the benefit of the doubt that his gf really was somewhat in the wrong for failing to distribute the poll — or even after that for telling op to "cook whatever he wanted," knowing his eccentricities, but i'm starting to get the sense that she realized he'd just end up doing whatever he wanted to do, regardless.*
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esh
she should have communicated better.
you *already knew* this was a hamburger/hot dog crowd, and made things needlessly complicated with a poll, and then jumping to moose burgers which you already knew would be out of the comfort zone of guests.
save the "highest delicacy" for the type of gathering that will appreciate it. a sit down dinner where people actually savor food, not a casual bbq.
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yta you don't need a poll to know some people don't care to eat fish or game, hot dogs and hamburgers would have been fine. it sounds like you just wanted to make some sort of point
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yta
i’m canadian and worked as a chef.
i’m familiar with all the stuff you talking about.
no one fucking barbecues bear and pike with any regularity and thinks it’s normal.
unless you are indigenous and this is some anti colonial flex of some sort i cannot imagine why you’d
make moose burgers.
a notoriously drier and gamier meat. like not even elk or deer? moose?!
get off your high moose. absurd.
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yta - you're hosting people and feeding them, it's not about you but about making people happy. it's a pretty standard menu for a bbq, no reason to throw a fit because people don't eat what you eat. throw a couple moose burgers and whatever on for the adventurous ones, but you shouldn't be upset about having standard fair for a group.
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yta. you recognize that your tastes are not generally popular - why make this your hill to die on when you know what most people will enjoy and you already volunteered. i imagine it's even less work to grill a hot dog than a moose burger.
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yta. we get it you’re ✨not like other dudes✨but jesus christ just grill some fucking hot dogs.
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yta
cook hot dogs and beef/chicken burgers and stop your unnecessary drama
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my girlfriend (28f) and i (30m) have been going out for 5 years. we bought a house last year and due to covid, we were not able to have a real house warming party. she decided to invite her friend so we can have a house warming party. she asked me if i could be the cook at the bbq, as im always in charge of that side of cooking in our house. i simply asked her to post a poll to ask what everyone wanted to eat. im a hunter, im a fisherman, my choice of menu is not a crowd pleaser. i dont mind cooking hot dog and hamburger, but i prefer to cook pike and bear meat. also, for having cooked for her friend before, i know some of them are notoriously picky. we are now a few days from the event, and i asked her what the result of the poll were. she told me, she never sent it, to just cook whatever i wanted. i told her that i would make moose burger. to me its the highest delicacy i can serve to a guest. she then told me that her friends would not like that and to find something else. i tend told her i resigned as a cook. if she want me to start the gas grill or the smoker, i dont mind, but i wouldnt do any actual cooking. she called me an asshole, for dropping that task on her but i dont feel like one. what do you guys think?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend (28f) and i (30m) have been going out for 5 years. we bought a house last year and due to covid, we were not able to have a real house warming party. she decided to invite her friend so we can have a house warming party. she asked me if i could be the cook at the bbq, as im always in charge of that side of cooking in our house. i simply asked her to post a poll to ask what everyone wanted to eat. im a hunter, im a fisherman, my choice of menu is not a crowd pleaser. i dont mind cooking hot dog and hamburger, but i prefer to cook pike and bear meat. also, for having cooked for her friend before, i know some of them are notoriously picky. we are now a few days from the event, and i asked her what the result of the poll were. she told me, she never sent it, to just cook whatever i wanted. i told her that i would make moose burger. to me its the highest delicacy i can serve to a guest. she then told me that her friends would not like that and to find something else. i tend told her i resigned as a cook. if she want me to start the gas grill or the smoker, i dont mind, but i wouldnt do any actual cooking. she called me an asshole, for dropping that task on her but i dont feel like one. what do you guys think? [/INST] yta. just pick something simple like a beef burger or hotdogs. you’re making this into an issue for no reason. seriously, pick your battles and support your gf. </s>
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AITA for going ahead with my mom walking me down the aisle knowing my grandparents aren't happy?
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so to start off; my parents are still together; happily married for 30 years. my dad made the suggestion a few months ago that maybe my mom should be the person walking me down the aisle when i get married, because the conversation came up. he said he knew i loved him but he also knew my mom and i had a special relationship and that she was there for me during the worst period of my life in a way he wasn't able to be. i told him i was glad he brought it up because it seemed like a dream to have her do it but i wouldn't ever want him to feel left out. he assured me he wouldn't and even joked he'll be glad to not have anything to do.
so i asked my mom and she was so proud. my dad is right. it probably means more to her than it even does to me, even though it means so much to me. i used to think i could never get married after an accident left me scarred and unable to have children of my own when i was younger. my mom was the one who picked me up and hoped i would gain the confidence some day to let someone love me and accept that i could be loved and wanted by someone. i know how much it means to her and we were all so happy.
then my grandparents found out (my dad's parents) and they were offended and they were mad. they tried to go through me first but when that didn't work they gave my dad crap about tradition and how it would look and why didn't he do it. my mom tossed out the idea of both of them doing it and that was a good one. but it wasn't enough for them. and my dad said he would do whatever i wanted most, and nothing i decided would make him mad.
my grandparents have essentially been cut off because they won't let up even now and my uncle (dad's brother) thinks i'm an asshole for putting him in this position. he told me that we should not be causing a family rift like this and to think about him and the fact my grandparents won't be around forever and shouldn't have to live with this.
i'm so conflicted now.
aita?
| 307 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m9csm7/aita_for_going_ahead_with_my_mom_walking_me_down/
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2021-03-20 18:18:16
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nta. your dad isn't just okay with it, but it was his idea. your mom is touched by it. if your grandparents can't realize this is not a conversation that involves them, that this is not an affront to them, then they've cut themselves off. tradition alone is not a good enough reason to do something.
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nta your grandparents’ reaction is what is causing a rift, not you.
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nta. you haven't done anything wrong. everyone is happy with your decision - you, your dad who suggested it, your mum who is so happy to share that moment with you.
your grandparents caused this rift, not you. your family is going after you to smooth things over because they think you'll be more flexible or weaker. but it's your grandparents who caused this, and they can stop it anytime they want by just getting over themselves.
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nta
why do relatives think they get to have any say in how you celebrate your marriage? especially when they're not paying for it.
if your grandparents don't like it then they don't have to attend.
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nta
it's your wedding, not theirs. you're not responsible nor at fault for their outdated, archaic views. you're not the one causing the "family rifts"; they are.
your uncle is trying to guilt trip you into falling in line just for the sake of your grandparents, which shows that they are more concerned with appearances than with your happiness.
plus, anytime someone brings up the "tradition" argument, it's typically just a way to control others into doing what they themselves were forced to do.
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some people decide to let things effect them in ways that make no sense. your decision is going to make your family and you have a way better memory and it’s your wedding, your grandparents can choose to react how they want but they are choosing the hill to die on that’s causing a rift. they got to do their wedding how they wanted don’t listen.
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no you are nta, you can do what you want for your wedding and the only people whose feelings matter in this situation are you and your parents. you sound like you have a good set of parents and a set of grandparents who can't seem to let go of tradition for the sake of happiness. when my wife and i were getting married i told anyone who tried to share their opinion on what "we should do" at our wedding and put it in the same place i'm putting their wedding invitation....the garbage.
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nta. "shouldn't have to live like this" lmaoooooo. this could not possibly be any less of their business
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so to start off; my parents are still together; happily married for 30 years. my dad made the suggestion a few months ago that maybe my mom should be the person walking me down the aisle when i get married, because the conversation came up. he said he knew i loved him but he also knew my mom and i had a special relationship and that she was there for me during the worst period of my life in a way he wasn't able to be. i told him i was glad he brought it up because it seemed like a dream to have her do it but i wouldn't ever want him to feel left out. he assured me he wouldn't and even joked he'll be glad to not have anything to do. so i asked my mom and she was so proud. my dad is right. it probably means more to her than it even does to me, even though it means so much to me. i used to think i could never get married after an accident left me scarred and unable to have children of my own when i was younger. my mom was the one who picked me up and hoped i would gain the confidence some day to let someone love me and accept that i could be loved and wanted by someone. i know how much it means to her and we were all so happy. then my grandparents found out (my dad's parents) and they were offended and they were mad. they tried to go through me first but when that didn't work they gave my dad crap about tradition and how it would look and why didn't he do it. my mom tossed out the idea of both of them doing it and that was a good one. but it wasn't enough for them. and my dad said he would do whatever i wanted most, and nothing i decided would make him mad. my grandparents have essentially been cut off because they won't let up even now and my uncle (dad's brother) thinks i'm an asshole for putting him in this position. he told me that we should not be causing a family rift like this and to think about him and the fact my grandparents won't be around forever and shouldn't have to live with this. i'm so conflicted now. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so to start off; my parents are still together; happily married for 30 years. my dad made the suggestion a few months ago that maybe my mom should be the person walking me down the aisle when i get married, because the conversation came up. he said he knew i loved him but he also knew my mom and i had a special relationship and that she was there for me during the worst period of my life in a way he wasn't able to be. i told him i was glad he brought it up because it seemed like a dream to have her do it but i wouldn't ever want him to feel left out. he assured me he wouldn't and even joked he'll be glad to not have anything to do. so i asked my mom and she was so proud. my dad is right. it probably means more to her than it even does to me, even though it means so much to me. i used to think i could never get married after an accident left me scarred and unable to have children of my own when i was younger. my mom was the one who picked me up and hoped i would gain the confidence some day to let someone love me and accept that i could be loved and wanted by someone. i know how much it means to her and we were all so happy. then my grandparents found out (my dad's parents) and they were offended and they were mad. they tried to go through me first but when that didn't work they gave my dad crap about tradition and how it would look and why didn't he do it. my mom tossed out the idea of both of them doing it and that was a good one. but it wasn't enough for them. and my dad said he would do whatever i wanted most, and nothing i decided would make him mad. my grandparents have essentially been cut off because they won't let up even now and my uncle (dad's brother) thinks i'm an asshole for putting him in this position. he told me that we should not be causing a family rift like this and to think about him and the fact my grandparents won't be around forever and shouldn't have to live with this. i'm so conflicted now. aita? [/INST] nta. your dad isn't just okay with it, but it was his idea. your mom is touched by it. if your grandparents can't realize this is not a conversation that involves them, that this is not an affront to them, then they've cut themselves off. tradition alone is not a good enough reason to do something. </s>
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WIBTA if I refused to pay my share for a trashed hotel room?
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i went to a bachelorette party, we booked a fairly fancy hotel, and along with our rooms, there was a suite booked by the maid of honour for us all to hang out in.
i arrive at the hotel, check in, go to the suite, only to find moh has covered the entire carpeted floor in glitter.
eventually some others got tipsy and started adding to the mess. drinks were spilled, moh popped a wine bottle filled with confetti that ended up staining, someone stained the carpet and wall with a broken lipstick, moh brought a pinata full of chocolate for the bride to smash which was just an absolutely stellar idea with carpet.
now, i was making sure to not get drunk until we were out for this exact reason, i'm clumsy and was not going to be the asshole who damages someone else's hotel room, and i was really worried about noise. the only mess i made was leaving an empty champagne bottle on the minibar.
i said many times during the night that i was worried about the condition of the room and that they'd likely charge for it, but the bride said it was mostly the moh making the mess, it wasn't my problem.
we went out, all was fine, until the moh got sent back to the hotel for being out of it, at which point she locked herself in the suite, and told us we were to be up asap in the morning to help her clean it. some of us did go help her clean, but obviously we didn't get far.
as we're leaving, bride does a total 180 and says that we're all equally responsible and will all be paying equally for the damage. i told her that it's not gonna go over well with the others, and asked what would happen if someone refused, she said they'd be kicked out of the wedding.
if i thought i even may have been sloppy, i would accept it and pay, but i'm 110% certain i did not leave any sort of mess besides an empty bottle. i know people will say they didn't make a mess whether they did or not, but the bride said that she knows that i'm innocent here, yet i'm still expected to pay the same amount as the person who put goddamn glitter everywhere.
that said, i was obviously present at the party, and i didn't directly tell anyone to tone it down. plus, i don't want to be kicked out of the wedding and lose a friendship over money. i do somewhat feel like i should just shut up and pay to keep the peace and keep the event somewhat of a good memory for the bride, and that maybe i'm being too indignant about this.
the bride's friendship and wedding experience mean a lot, but i'm tempted to put my foot down, because i'm entirely certain i did not cause any of those damages, and i don't see how i should consider myself just as responsible as the ones who were being completely negligent and inconsiderate. but, maybe my inaction and presence makes me just as responsible, so here i am.
wibta if i refuse to reimburse the moh?
| 203 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o99dft/wibta_if_i_refused_to_pay_my_share_for_a_trashed/
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2021-06-28 00:40:20
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nta
is the bride marrying a member of mötley crüe? is it 1988? who the fuck trashes hotel rooms anymore?
the moh played a stupid game, and she won a stupid prize.
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nta. you didn't contribute to the mess and the bride acknowledged that. same idea as when a group goes out and a bunch of people order a ton of drinks, run up a huge tab, and then want to split the check evenly but you only had a salad and a sprite.
however, considering you really want to stay in the wedding and there are many emotional attachments involved, i may wait to see what the number is. if the split of the damage is something easily manageable to you then i may go ahead and pay it. do you have to? no, and everyone knows it. but it may save yourself a lot of anxiety and stress. if it's a number you are uncomfortable with and can't afford easily, then absolutely it's a no.
your friend, the bride, definitely isn't treating you great knowing that you didn't cause any of the damage. she may be stressed out and if this isn't typical of her i'd probably give her some time to calm down and see if she doesn't change her mind about the threat to kick people out. if this is typical of her, disregard everything else i said and seriously reevaluate the friendship. best of luck!
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oh hell no. you did not dump glitter on the floor or use lipstick like paint.
you should not have to pay for the reckless behavior of moh and bride. sounds like they knew knew what they were doing, trying to use drunk as their excuse for trashing the room and maki g everyone else pay
dont pay for their behavior
nta
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oh shit, glitter? holy hell, this will be expensive. nta here. they weren't only negligent, they were actively damaging property. if you wouldn't behave like this at home, don't behave like this in another place either!
bride actually told you: this was not your problem. hold her to her word.
a bachelorette isn't an excuse to just trash a place.
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so the bride knows you weren’t involved, but she’s saying you need to pay anyway or you’re kicked out of the wedding? it’s not you that’s putting your friendship on the line for the sake of money, it’s her. i’d really be doing some hard thinking about whether this friendship is actually worth saving.
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nta. you didn’t make any of the mess, so why should you be forced to help pay for it? i understand wanting to keep a good relationship with the bride, but from this story it seems like she has no issue demanding things from you
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nta.
since it is illegal to rent a hotel room to children, i am assuming everyone that was present is an adult. it is not unreasonable to expect one of two things - either refrain from trashing the room or pay up if damage was caused.
i'd refuse to pay, especially since the bride acknowledged you did not contribute to the mess. if others lie about whether they were responsible or also refuse to pay, that is on them. this may turn into an expensive lesson for whomever booked the room.
i'm also going to add that if you did offer to pay, be wary of this crew going forward. manipulators tend to target those they know will go along with them .
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nta tell the bride to be it's not going to happen, you didn't do the damage, you aren't paying for it. i would not give a rat's backside about the fall out. i don't think you need to trash a hotel room with glitter, chocolate and lipstick to have a good time. she's not some rock star from the 1970s off their head on coke and who knows what else that can pay for the damage.
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op, you are nta for not wanting to get kicked out of the wedding. however you will be t.ah. if you pay for the bs they pulled at the hotel. glitter does not come out of carpet which means that whole room carpet is going to have to be ripped out and replaced. i can guarantee it is going to cost you more than $100 each for cleaning up the room.
i can't even imagine any friendship being worth the thousands of dollars its going to cost to fix the damage the wedding party made.
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no you are nta and do not pay a cent!
the moh needs to grow up and accept the responsibility of the mess that she mostly caused and was in charge of.
let's look at it in a different scenario. say it was a playdate at a restaurant and you all had kids there. you kept your kid from making a mess, meanwhile moh's kid and other people's kids totally trashed the place. would you pay towards the damages when your kid did nothing wrong? and when you actually tried very hard to stop from adding to the mess? i'm going to say no.
yes you witnessed it, but if you had told the people to stop making a mess, would they have listened to you? i'm gonna say no.
please don't pay. and if you get kicked out of the wedding, the bride sucks.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i went to a bachelorette party, we booked a fairly fancy hotel, and along with our rooms, there was a suite booked by the maid of honour for us all to hang out in. i arrive at the hotel, check in, go to the suite, only to find moh has covered the entire carpeted floor in glitter. eventually some others got tipsy and started adding to the mess. drinks were spilled, moh popped a wine bottle filled with confetti that ended up staining, someone stained the carpet and wall with a broken lipstick, moh brought a pinata full of chocolate for the bride to smash which was just an absolutely stellar idea with carpet. now, i was making sure to not get drunk until we were out for this exact reason, i'm clumsy and was not going to be the asshole who damages someone else's hotel room, and i was really worried about noise. the only mess i made was leaving an empty champagne bottle on the minibar. i said many times during the night that i was worried about the condition of the room and that they'd likely charge for it, but the bride said it was mostly the moh making the mess, it wasn't my problem. we went out, all was fine, until the moh got sent back to the hotel for being out of it, at which point she locked herself in the suite, and told us we were to be up asap in the morning to help her clean it. some of us did go help her clean, but obviously we didn't get far. as we're leaving, bride does a total 180 and says that we're all equally responsible and will all be paying equally for the damage. i told her that it's not gonna go over well with the others, and asked what would happen if someone refused, she said they'd be kicked out of the wedding. if i thought i even may have been sloppy, i would accept it and pay, but i'm 110% certain i did not leave any sort of mess besides an empty bottle. i know people will say they didn't make a mess whether they did or not, but the bride said that she knows that i'm innocent here, yet i'm still expected to pay the same amount as the person who put goddamn glitter everywhere. that said, i was obviously present at the party, and i didn't directly tell anyone to tone it down. plus, i don't want to be kicked out of the wedding and lose a friendship over money. i do somewhat feel like i should just shut up and pay to keep the peace and keep the event somewhat of a good memory for the bride, and that maybe i'm being too indignant about this. the bride's friendship and wedding experience mean a lot, but i'm tempted to put my foot down, because i'm entirely certain i did not cause any of those damages, and i don't see how i should consider myself just as responsible as the ones who were being completely negligent and inconsiderate. but, maybe my inaction and presence makes me just as responsible, so here i am. wibta if i refuse to reimburse the moh?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i went to a bachelorette party, we booked a fairly fancy hotel, and along with our rooms, there was a suite booked by the maid of honour for us all to hang out in. i arrive at the hotel, check in, go to the suite, only to find moh has covered the entire carpeted floor in glitter. eventually some others got tipsy and started adding to the mess. drinks were spilled, moh popped a wine bottle filled with confetti that ended up staining, someone stained the carpet and wall with a broken lipstick, moh brought a pinata full of chocolate for the bride to smash which was just an absolutely stellar idea with carpet. now, i was making sure to not get drunk until we were out for this exact reason, i'm clumsy and was not going to be the asshole who damages someone else's hotel room, and i was really worried about noise. the only mess i made was leaving an empty champagne bottle on the minibar. i said many times during the night that i was worried about the condition of the room and that they'd likely charge for it, but the bride said it was mostly the moh making the mess, it wasn't my problem. we went out, all was fine, until the moh got sent back to the hotel for being out of it, at which point she locked herself in the suite, and told us we were to be up asap in the morning to help her clean it. some of us did go help her clean, but obviously we didn't get far. as we're leaving, bride does a total 180 and says that we're all equally responsible and will all be paying equally for the damage. i told her that it's not gonna go over well with the others, and asked what would happen if someone refused, she said they'd be kicked out of the wedding. if i thought i even may have been sloppy, i would accept it and pay, but i'm 110% certain i did not leave any sort of mess besides an empty bottle. i know people will say they didn't make a mess whether they did or not, but the bride said that she knows that i'm innocent here, yet i'm still expected to pay the same amount as the person who put goddamn glitter everywhere. that said, i was obviously present at the party, and i didn't directly tell anyone to tone it down. plus, i don't want to be kicked out of the wedding and lose a friendship over money. i do somewhat feel like i should just shut up and pay to keep the peace and keep the event somewhat of a good memory for the bride, and that maybe i'm being too indignant about this. the bride's friendship and wedding experience mean a lot, but i'm tempted to put my foot down, because i'm entirely certain i did not cause any of those damages, and i don't see how i should consider myself just as responsible as the ones who were being completely negligent and inconsiderate. but, maybe my inaction and presence makes me just as responsible, so here i am. wibta if i refuse to reimburse the moh? [/INST] nta is the bride marrying a member of mötley crüe? is it 1988? who the fuck trashes hotel rooms anymore? the moh played a stupid game, and she won a stupid prize. </s>
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AITA for refusing to see my grandma after my grandpa passed away?
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okay, this is a long one, so bear with me. my grandma has spent the 30+ years that my parents have been together bullying my mom. she says that my dad deserves better, and that my mom is a whore, and that she only married him for his money (bare in mind that my mom had a lot more money than my dad when they met). but anyways, my grandma bullies my mom 24/7 and refuses to acknowledge my mom as her daughter in law. 8 years ago mom got cancer and her and dad decided to not tell anyone to not worry the family, but my grandma found out and she would threaten my mom that she would tell her mom (so my mom’s mom). she would make comments like: oh your hair is very short lately, or why are you so weak, or why are you in bed all day you have a family to provide for…
my grandpa on the other side was a saint, and he really liked my mom and treated everyone with so much kindness, and he was the only reason why we would see my grandma just to hang out with him. he passed away last year (july 2020) and i sent my grandma a condolances message (even though she didn’t send anything to me when my other grandma who was my best friend passed away), she never answered my message and proceeded to tell everyone that i didn’t message her.
now my dad’s sister (who is also a horrible person and with whom we have not interacted for over 10 years) texted another family member that i abandoned my grandma and refuse to talk to her and take care of her. that she is an old almost blind widowed and that no one wants to take care of her after she treated everyone with so much kindness throughout the years.
i honestly dont think i am the asshole but i am curious if someone has a different opinion. she bullied my mom for as long as i can remember, she didn’t care when i lost my other grandma, and so many other things throughout the years, i dont think i owe her any relationship, but she obviously thinks otherwise.
ps.: she also does not acknowledge my brother for some reason, she only cares about my dad and i.
so aita?
| 177 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pjmm42/aita_for_refusing_to_see_my_grandma_after_my/
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2021-09-07 13:01:24
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nta. why is your aunt expecting you to deal with her saint of a mom btw? isn't she her daughter? they both feel like those people with poor morals who uses moral codes to slander others. i'd tell the truth to everyone else go nc with them.
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nta. your grandma sounds like an awful liar. condensces to you for your better grandma and grandpa
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nta - she was awful to you, and it's not your responsibility to take care of her.
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nta. actions and words have consequences, and your grandma is old enough to know this.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay, this is a long one, so bear with me. my grandma has spent the 30+ years that my parents have been together bullying my mom. she says that my dad deserves better, and that my mom is a whore, and that she only married him for his money (bare in mind that my mom had a lot more money than my dad when they met). but anyways, my grandma bullies my mom 24/7 and refuses to acknowledge my mom as her daughter in law. 8 years ago mom got cancer and her and dad decided to not tell anyone to not worry the family, but my grandma found out and she would threaten my mom that she would tell her mom (so my mom’s mom). she would make comments like: oh your hair is very short lately, or why are you so weak, or why are you in bed all day you have a family to provide for… my grandpa on the other side was a saint, and he really liked my mom and treated everyone with so much kindness, and he was the only reason why we would see my grandma just to hang out with him. he passed away last year (july 2020) and i sent my grandma a condolances message (even though she didn’t send anything to me when my other grandma who was my best friend passed away), she never answered my message and proceeded to tell everyone that i didn’t message her. now my dad’s sister (who is also a horrible person and with whom we have not interacted for over 10 years) texted another family member that i abandoned my grandma and refuse to talk to her and take care of her. that she is an old almost blind widowed and that no one wants to take care of her after she treated everyone with so much kindness throughout the years. i honestly dont think i am the asshole but i am curious if someone has a different opinion. she bullied my mom for as long as i can remember, she didn’t care when i lost my other grandma, and so many other things throughout the years, i dont think i owe her any relationship, but she obviously thinks otherwise. ps.: she also does not acknowledge my brother for some reason, she only cares about my dad and i. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay, this is a long one, so bear with me. my grandma has spent the 30+ years that my parents have been together bullying my mom. she says that my dad deserves better, and that my mom is a whore, and that she only married him for his money (bare in mind that my mom had a lot more money than my dad when they met). but anyways, my grandma bullies my mom 24/7 and refuses to acknowledge my mom as her daughter in law. 8 years ago mom got cancer and her and dad decided to not tell anyone to not worry the family, but my grandma found out and she would threaten my mom that she would tell her mom (so my mom’s mom). she would make comments like: oh your hair is very short lately, or why are you so weak, or why are you in bed all day you have a family to provide for… my grandpa on the other side was a saint, and he really liked my mom and treated everyone with so much kindness, and he was the only reason why we would see my grandma just to hang out with him. he passed away last year (july 2020) and i sent my grandma a condolances message (even though she didn’t send anything to me when my other grandma who was my best friend passed away), she never answered my message and proceeded to tell everyone that i didn’t message her. now my dad’s sister (who is also a horrible person and with whom we have not interacted for over 10 years) texted another family member that i abandoned my grandma and refuse to talk to her and take care of her. that she is an old almost blind widowed and that no one wants to take care of her after she treated everyone with so much kindness throughout the years. i honestly dont think i am the asshole but i am curious if someone has a different opinion. she bullied my mom for as long as i can remember, she didn’t care when i lost my other grandma, and so many other things throughout the years, i dont think i owe her any relationship, but she obviously thinks otherwise. ps.: she also does not acknowledge my brother for some reason, she only cares about my dad and i. so aita? [/INST] nta. why is your aunt expecting you to deal with her saint of a mom btw? isn't she her daughter? they both feel like those people with poor morals who uses moral codes to slander others. i'd tell the truth to everyone else go nc with them. </s>
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AITA for maybe causing my parents divorce?
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my (18f) mom (f46) and my dad (m52) have always had an unstable marriage. my parents are immigrants from a 3rd world country, and have worked very hard to be here. they left their friends, family, and all they ever knew to come to america to have a better life for us kids. except it isn't a better life. they're always fighting because my dad takes a lot of money that he earns here and sends it back to our home country and to his brother (who is a doctor and quite frankly doesn't need that much, but asks for it because he knows my dad will give it to him).
today my dad asked me to stay home because he was going to be at work all day, and he needed someone to sign off a very important package. when i asked what the package was, he said a brand new iphone. i know it was most likely for someone from the home country, as he refuses to buy us new technology often.
i had plans to go out with my mother today. when i told her i couldn't go because i had to wait for the package , she asked what the package was and why it was so important. i told her the truth, that dad had bought a new iphone.
this enraged her. she called my dad screaming about how he refused to buy us new things and wastes their hard earned money on stuff for his extended family without asking her. it led to a huge fight and now they might have just hit a breaking point and might divorce.
my (14f) sister says i should've just lied and not said anything about the iphone but i told her i didn't want to lie. aita?
| 523 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vhnapt/aita_for_maybe_causing_my_parents_divorce/
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2022-06-21 20:53:02
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nta. it's never the childs fault if the parents divorce and all you did was tell the truth.
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nta
your sister is clueless. can't really blame her for that at her age. nevertheless, you need to hear the following and take it to heart.
**you are not the cause of your parents' divorce. their unstable marriage predates your existence. if it hadn't been the iphone it would have been something else.**
anybody who tells you otherwise is your enemy.
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you are not the asshole. their marriage was already shit and breaking. this moment was nothing more than a small weight that crushed the already cracked stone under it. you should not lie especially to those close to you. don’t take advice from your 14 year old sister. it may be better for all of you to go your separate ways.
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nta. it will not be your fault if your parents divorce. it will be because of them and them alone.
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nta.
your mom has reached the end of her patience because the point of leaving was for her and her kids to have a better life and be able to afford more things and your dad denies y'all that by spending all the money on the extended family. she's right to be at her wits end.
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nta. op, i want to make something clear to you, and you need to remind yourself of this: you are not responsible for you parents marriage, and not for their divorce. i put that in all caps, not to yell at you, but to drive home this very important point. if it wasn't this, then it would have been something else that led to conflict.
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nta
i think there are many more deep rooted issues in your parents’ marriage that you probably don’t know about, but you can see the signs starting to show. you didn’t catalyze any divorce in that sense. i also don’t think you’re t a for telling your mom the truth over why you couldn’t go out, that’s not really something you need to hide from someone.
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nta. it seems your dad has his priorities wrong. i think you did right on telling your mom the truth.
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nta a million times over.
op, you did not cause your parents to (maybe) divorce. their marriage is their responsibility, not yours. you should have never been put in a position where you felt like you needed to lie in order to keep peace between them.
please do not blame yourself. they are adults, who are responsible for their own behavior.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (18f) mom (f46) and my dad (m52) have always had an unstable marriage. my parents are immigrants from a 3rd world country, and have worked very hard to be here. they left their friends, family, and all they ever knew to come to america to have a better life for us kids. except it isn't a better life. they're always fighting because my dad takes a lot of money that he earns here and sends it back to our home country and to his brother (who is a doctor and quite frankly doesn't need that much, but asks for it because he knows my dad will give it to him). today my dad asked me to stay home because he was going to be at work all day, and he needed someone to sign off a very important package. when i asked what the package was, he said a brand new iphone. i know it was most likely for someone from the home country, as he refuses to buy us new technology often. i had plans to go out with my mother today. when i told her i couldn't go because i had to wait for the package , she asked what the package was and why it was so important. i told her the truth, that dad had bought a new iphone. this enraged her. she called my dad screaming about how he refused to buy us new things and wastes their hard earned money on stuff for his extended family without asking her. it led to a huge fight and now they might have just hit a breaking point and might divorce. my (14f) sister says i should've just lied and not said anything about the iphone but i told her i didn't want to lie. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (18f) mom (f46) and my dad (m52) have always had an unstable marriage. my parents are immigrants from a 3rd world country, and have worked very hard to be here. they left their friends, family, and all they ever knew to come to america to have a better life for us kids. except it isn't a better life. they're always fighting because my dad takes a lot of money that he earns here and sends it back to our home country and to his brother (who is a doctor and quite frankly doesn't need that much, but asks for it because he knows my dad will give it to him). today my dad asked me to stay home because he was going to be at work all day, and he needed someone to sign off a very important package. when i asked what the package was, he said a brand new iphone. i know it was most likely for someone from the home country, as he refuses to buy us new technology often. i had plans to go out with my mother today. when i told her i couldn't go because i had to wait for the package , she asked what the package was and why it was so important. i told her the truth, that dad had bought a new iphone. this enraged her. she called my dad screaming about how he refused to buy us new things and wastes their hard earned money on stuff for his extended family without asking her. it led to a huge fight and now they might have just hit a breaking point and might divorce. my (14f) sister says i should've just lied and not said anything about the iphone but i told her i didn't want to lie. aita? [/INST] nta. it's never the childs fault if the parents divorce and all you did was tell the truth. </s>
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AITA for watching Veggie Tales with our daughter?
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i am (24f) and married to my husband rick (25m) for three years. we have a daughters sam (3f). i am a stay at home mom until sam will go to kindergarten. i grew up catholic and so did my husband. i just stopped being religious when i grew up. rick also left but has a much stronger opinions on the church than i do.
we both agreed not to raise sam catholic and all stuff that goes along with it (church and sacraments). this month i just couldn't watch the kid shows anymore. they were driving me insane and are very annoying, i feel like they are just getting worse and worse. so i decide to put on what i watched as a kid, which was mostly pbs shows (curious george, mr rogers neighborhood) and veggie tales. sam likes them and i am not going crazy by hearing peppa pig.
so today i put on veggie tales which has some religions stories in it. they use to be bible stories but branched out and teach moral lessons like don't steal. so today veggie tales was on when my rick got home and saw what we were watching and freaked out. he started going on about me trying to make our daughter catholic secretly. i told him no and that this show has good lessons and won't drive me insane listening to them. we had a long argument were he called me a jerk and left the house.
aita for watching veggie tale with sam
| 1,235 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y7l58d/aita_for_watching_veggie_tales_with_our_daughter/
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2022-10-18 22:35:51
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nta. veggie tales is the least damaging thing the church has ever done to children.
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nta.
i was raised athiest and watched the fuck out of veggie tales as a kid. i didn't even realize they were religious until i was much, much older. she's not getting indoctrinated.
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[deleted]
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nta
watching veggie tales won’t magically turn anyone catholic
i watched rugrats as a kid, and i’m not jewish
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nta - even if veggie tales was explicitly religious there's a big difference between exposing your children to religious ideas and forcing them into it.
i am 100% atheist, but that doesn't mean i hide religious ideas from my kids.
plus, "silly songs with larry" is objectively awesome.
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nta. i’m agnostic, and my husband is atheist. my kids have watched tons of veggie tales. they’re adorable, and model great, moral behavior. for the episodes that explicitly referred to god at the end, we would often have a conversation about how many people believe in a higher power that encourages them to act in kind ways, though their dad and i don’t, but that we believe that our human experiences of hurting vs happiness are enough reason to always be as kind as it is possible to be (toddler version of our beliefs, of course).
we do our best to teach them about as many religions as we can, along with their traditions and stories. it can only make them better and more informed people.
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nta. especially not the new veggie tales from 2010 onwards. those are less biblical and more teaching how to be a good person.
and veggietales is broad "christian" not just catholic. i grew up watching it too and i used baptist and am now pentecostal
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[removed]
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nta.
for starters, veggietales is made by evangelicals, who keep it pretty generically christian, nothing explicitly catholic for sure. it'd be a weird show to show your kid, if you are trying to convert them to catholicism. also, as far as religious children's programming is concerned, veggietales is about as inoffensive as they come.
still, the show is explicitly about instilling biblical values and a biblical worldview, and there is a lot of talk about god and the bible saying what you should and shouldn't do. clearly, it doesn't bother you, but clearly it does for him. he definitely overreacted, but think of it from his perspective. it sounds like he really wants his daughter to have a secular non-religious upbringing, and veggietales is going to undermine that. it's also likely to lead to questions about god and the bible from your daughter eventually. hopefully, you two will be on the same page in answering those.
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esh it’s a religious cartoon. dad doesn’t want kid indoctrinated. as a “fallen away” catholic myself, i would be upset if i came home to my child watching something religious. freaking out isn’t the way to express that though. should’ve been a civil conversation.
youtube has some kids tv - blippi and signing time are what i can think of.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
| 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i am (24f) and married to my husband rick (25m) for three years. we have a daughters sam (3f). i am a stay at home mom until sam will go to kindergarten. i grew up catholic and so did my husband. i just stopped being religious when i grew up. rick also left but has a much stronger opinions on the church than i do. we both agreed not to raise sam catholic and all stuff that goes along with it (church and sacraments). this month i just couldn't watch the kid shows anymore. they were driving me insane and are very annoying, i feel like they are just getting worse and worse. so i decide to put on what i watched as a kid, which was mostly pbs shows (curious george, mr rogers neighborhood) and veggie tales. sam likes them and i am not going crazy by hearing peppa pig. so today i put on veggie tales which has some religions stories in it. they use to be bible stories but branched out and teach moral lessons like don't steal. so today veggie tales was on when my rick got home and saw what we were watching and freaked out. he started going on about me trying to make our daughter catholic secretly. i told him no and that this show has good lessons and won't drive me insane listening to them. we had a long argument were he called me a jerk and left the house. aita for watching veggie tale with sam
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i am (24f) and married to my husband rick (25m) for three years. we have a daughters sam (3f). i am a stay at home mom until sam will go to kindergarten. i grew up catholic and so did my husband. i just stopped being religious when i grew up. rick also left but has a much stronger opinions on the church than i do. we both agreed not to raise sam catholic and all stuff that goes along with it (church and sacraments). this month i just couldn't watch the kid shows anymore. they were driving me insane and are very annoying, i feel like they are just getting worse and worse. so i decide to put on what i watched as a kid, which was mostly pbs shows (curious george, mr rogers neighborhood) and veggie tales. sam likes them and i am not going crazy by hearing peppa pig. so today i put on veggie tales which has some religions stories in it. they use to be bible stories but branched out and teach moral lessons like don't steal. so today veggie tales was on when my rick got home and saw what we were watching and freaked out. he started going on about me trying to make our daughter catholic secretly. i told him no and that this show has good lessons and won't drive me insane listening to them. we had a long argument were he called me a jerk and left the house. aita for watching veggie tale with sam [/INST] nta. veggie tales is the least damaging thing the church has ever done to children. </s>
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AITA For Not Wanting To Give My Ex's Money For Our Kid Until I See A Bill?
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throwaway account
i (32m) have two kids with my ex (34f), 7f and 5f, when we broke up i did not want to deal with court ordered child support so we agreed to an unofficial amount of financial compensation. however, my ex new i didn't want to deal with the courts and used that as a veiled threat whenever she wanted something. anytime i got something for myself or she heard about a new promotion at work she'd demanded copies of my pay stubs for the last three months and want half. if i objected she would pull the "well maybe we should just let a judge decide."
after two years of this crap i told her i simply could not afford to keep paying the amounts she wanted and afford rent/food. she thought i was lying, even though i showed her my pay stubs and filed for child support. my parents were kind enough to lend me money for a decent attorney so i'd have a decent change, but my god i never would've thought that the courts would rule in my favor. based off of my income the courts determined that i had been over paying for each child and ordered that i could pay a lesser amount and that my ex couldn't request for more until my children were 9 and 7. it was also determined that i wouldn't be legally obligated to start paying the new amount for six months.
literally after the ruling, we were standing outside the doors of the court room, my ex and her attorney approached me and asked me to pay a higher amount. i shrugged and said that it would be best not to go against the judge's ruling and left. finally, i was able to get my own place, a nicer (still used) car and clothes. my ex has been calling and texting me for money, saying that the kids needed this and that. i told her that i'll pay for the necessities when the kids were with me but she needed to figure everything out herself for the time being.
she raged at me and called me a deadbeat and then started dragging me on social media. to defend myself i made a post about how the courts ruled and attached screenshots of her texts always using the threat of the courts to get her way. i then finally stated that i do want to provide for my children so if there's anything that they need to give me copies of the bill(s) or an expense report and i will look into paying for thing directly. my ex and her family are saying that i am ta and controlling for wanting to know about her finances but i don't see it as any different from how she treated me, so aita?
| 5,894 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lrgyxp/aita_for_not_wanting_to_give_my_exs_money_for_our/
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2021-02-24 16:34:38
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nta. most states don’t require you to pay for anything outside child support and half of uninsured health costs to the other parent. the court said what they said.
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nta. it was dumb not to go through the courts from day one for this very reason since it gave her a reason to basically steal from you. it sounds like she was hustling you for child support and some under the table alimony, but the judge saw to it that you legally are only responsible for your children. as long as you take care of them, she has no leg to stand on.
if she needs money for something child related, she should have to provide documentation because she burned your trust down, so why wouldn’t you question it? she’s just mad her atm suddenly has opinions and questions.
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nta, but why the hell didn't you go to court before if she was asking that much?
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nta. you get what you deserve. document every interaction with her because you are in for a long ride.
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nta. it’s not unusual to require receipts. use a parenting app to track your communication and payments
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nta
the fact that the courts ruled you had been overpaying really tells me you were way overpaying.
it looks to me like she saw you as an atm and is pissed because that's been taken away from her. you're not refusing to provide for your kids, you're refusing to just hand money over to an obviously manipulative woman
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nta
and this is why you go to court when you split as a couple. even if it's amicable, even if you think you have everything worked out, go to court and have it officially documented.
from now on, do not give one damn dollar to her unless she takes you to court for it. courts actually exist to protect you in circumstances like this. your wife may feel screwed but really she screwed herself.
hope you are enjoying your new circumstances and have adequate time with your kids. i really hope she isn't messing with custody now as a type of revenge.
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nta - this is pretty funny. she didn’t bother to do her homework on the subject, hired an attorney who was more interested in getting paid than advising her on how to get the most money, and shot herself in the foot. now she’s mad and wants you to stop the bleeding.
this should be a lesson to everyone, you get what you pay for, always hire quality legal representation.
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[deleted]
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nta. stick to your guns. you’re not her atm anymore.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway account i (32m) have two kids with my ex (34f), 7f and 5f, when we broke up i did not want to deal with court ordered child support so we agreed to an unofficial amount of financial compensation. however, my ex new i didn't want to deal with the courts and used that as a veiled threat whenever she wanted something. anytime i got something for myself or she heard about a new promotion at work she'd demanded copies of my pay stubs for the last three months and want half. if i objected she would pull the "well maybe we should just let a judge decide." after two years of this crap i told her i simply could not afford to keep paying the amounts she wanted and afford rent/food. she thought i was lying, even though i showed her my pay stubs and filed for child support. my parents were kind enough to lend me money for a decent attorney so i'd have a decent change, but my god i never would've thought that the courts would rule in my favor. based off of my income the courts determined that i had been over paying for each child and ordered that i could pay a lesser amount and that my ex couldn't request for more until my children were 9 and 7. it was also determined that i wouldn't be legally obligated to start paying the new amount for six months. literally after the ruling, we were standing outside the doors of the court room, my ex and her attorney approached me and asked me to pay a higher amount. i shrugged and said that it would be best not to go against the judge's ruling and left. finally, i was able to get my own place, a nicer (still used) car and clothes. my ex has been calling and texting me for money, saying that the kids needed this and that. i told her that i'll pay for the necessities when the kids were with me but she needed to figure everything out herself for the time being. she raged at me and called me a deadbeat and then started dragging me on social media. to defend myself i made a post about how the courts ruled and attached screenshots of her texts always using the threat of the courts to get her way. i then finally stated that i do want to provide for my children so if there's anything that they need to give me copies of the bill(s) or an expense report and i will look into paying for thing directly. my ex and her family are saying that i am ta and controlling for wanting to know about her finances but i don't see it as any different from how she treated me, so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway account i (32m) have two kids with my ex (34f), 7f and 5f, when we broke up i did not want to deal with court ordered child support so we agreed to an unofficial amount of financial compensation. however, my ex new i didn't want to deal with the courts and used that as a veiled threat whenever she wanted something. anytime i got something for myself or she heard about a new promotion at work she'd demanded copies of my pay stubs for the last three months and want half. if i objected she would pull the "well maybe we should just let a judge decide." after two years of this crap i told her i simply could not afford to keep paying the amounts she wanted and afford rent/food. she thought i was lying, even though i showed her my pay stubs and filed for child support. my parents were kind enough to lend me money for a decent attorney so i'd have a decent change, but my god i never would've thought that the courts would rule in my favor. based off of my income the courts determined that i had been over paying for each child and ordered that i could pay a lesser amount and that my ex couldn't request for more until my children were 9 and 7. it was also determined that i wouldn't be legally obligated to start paying the new amount for six months. literally after the ruling, we were standing outside the doors of the court room, my ex and her attorney approached me and asked me to pay a higher amount. i shrugged and said that it would be best not to go against the judge's ruling and left. finally, i was able to get my own place, a nicer (still used) car and clothes. my ex has been calling and texting me for money, saying that the kids needed this and that. i told her that i'll pay for the necessities when the kids were with me but she needed to figure everything out herself for the time being. she raged at me and called me a deadbeat and then started dragging me on social media. to defend myself i made a post about how the courts ruled and attached screenshots of her texts always using the threat of the courts to get her way. i then finally stated that i do want to provide for my children so if there's anything that they need to give me copies of the bill(s) or an expense report and i will look into paying for thing directly. my ex and her family are saying that i am ta and controlling for wanting to know about her finances but i don't see it as any different from how she treated me, so aita? [/INST] nta. most states don’t require you to pay for anything outside child support and half of uninsured health costs to the other parent. the court said what they said. </s>
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AITA for wanting a written prescription from my optometrist? And WIBTA if I wrote a bad review?
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this actually happened a month ago but everytime i think about it i get irritated, so figured i'd see if i maybe i was in the wrong.
i have (had) an optometrist in the area who was okay. generally polite, a little quiet at times but nothing i couldn't deal with. i've gotten contacts directly from his office for years, and as i'm sure you blind bats out there like me know contacts aren't cheap. i've also bought like a $500 pair of glasses from here too.
this year being the year of covid, my husband and i were looking to save a little money, so he asked if i could request a written prescription this time.
my optometrist and i are having a lovely friendly conversation after the exam, and he asked if i'd like my contacts delivered to me or ready at the office for pickup. i said, "oh actually, if you wouldn't mind i'd like a written prescription please."
he instantly got cold and said, "why do you want a written prescription?" i was instantly weirded out because it's not any of his business, but i'm a people pleaser so i said, "my husband and i have to fix a ton of things in our house, so we're trying to save a little money."
he doesn't answer and starts scribbling something down on a notepad. hands it to me and says, "these are our prices for contacts. you'll find they're not much more than the online retailers." i say thank you and i'll look into it and let him know.
he's still seeming angry and says, "you know, we're a small business - people like jan who checked you in and tim who did your eye pressures rely on our contacts sales for their pay."
i was pretty shocked so i'm not sure what i said, probably babbled about i'll let you know. he walked me to the front desk, i said "have a nice day!", he was like "yep" without looking at me and walked away.
the more i thought about it after the angrier i got. i'm actually a veterinarian, so i also prescribe medications to clients, and sometimes they ask for written prescriptions. and i say okay! make sure you put dr. tarbella on the website so it comes to me so i can approve it. i'm not going to guilt people over their decisions or put the burden of paying *our* employees on them.
i realize some people do think online pharmacies are satan, so maybe i am the asshole here. but i want to see what others think. i literally never leave reviews but wondering too if i'd be the asshole leaving a review of this place.
tl;dr optometrist guilts me for not buying contacts from his office and says that's what pays his employees.
| 2,643 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m4y5wq/aita_for_wanting_a_written_prescription_from_my/
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2021-03-14 16:20:16
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nta - also if you are in the usa it’s illegal for him to withhold your prescription.
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nta but my optometrist is surprisingly similar. they clearly make more money from selling stuff than being a doctor. it is unprofessional to discourage you from shopping around.
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nta
i have had no problem getting written prescriptions. thats really unprofessional.
i have no idea if this applies across the board in your state, but i did find this
https://www.ftc.gov/tips-advice/business-center/guidance/complying-eyeglass-rule
as for the review, i'd only write it if you plan to get a new dr. but thays just me. you wouldn't be an ah for writing it.
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nta, worked in an optician's office for years, and the person who said that it's illegal not to give it to you is 100% correct. that's your medical record. it can be frustrating when people want their script to go to use at zenni or warby, while we're constantly doing free adjustments on their crappy frames, or telling people what's wrong with their lenses. but that's an us problem that should never be passed on to the customer. they work just fine for some people and not everyone can afford to drop the money associated with independent providers. there is no reason to feel guilty for asking for your script for any reason, and any office that gives you shit for it is absolutely deserving a poor review.
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nta. i have confronted this one many times and simply say that i keep the prescription with me in case i lose the contacts while traveling.
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i had something similar happen at my optometrist.
i had an eye exam for contacts and i said i'd like to order online so i needed a physical hardcopy.
the lady who was helping me asked what their prices were. i shared with her the prices.
we made an arrangement where i'd order through them and they would match the online prices.
she said something similar about being an independent store and having higher overhead.
i totally understand, and i'm sympathetic, that's why i asked if they'd match prices.
worth a try.
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nta. it’s illegal to not give it to you. that being said, they could be charging you a service fee for contact lens services. if they aren’t, they probably should consider doing so. contact lenses are considered cosmetic by insurance. perhaps this od doesn’t charge and makes up the money by selling you contacts from their office. if patients consistently are taking their prescription to go and ordering online, perhaps they will start charging for this service.
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nta. he's an optometrist. you have no obligation or expectation to get your prescriptions from the *other* part of his business. if he doesn't like it, he can find a new line of work as far as i'm concerned. this is pushy car salesman shady.
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nta. i switched optometrists years ago for a similar reason. my old office was so resentful at the concept that i might want to save money by ordering online.
online contacts have been around for like a decade, if not longer. adapt to the times! include it in your pricing structure somehow! i think at one time i could get a written prescription of the fitting for a nominal fee. (no idea how the legality works in my area, but i thought that was okay. at least offer me the option! don't act as if getting contacts online is some big scandal!)
my old office would lie and say, "we are the sole suppliers of this unique brand. you simply cannot find it online!" the online version had the exact same graphic design on their package, with a different brand name, made by the same company.
imagine if dentists were used to being the only source for toothbrushes, and they got angry when you asked them to indicate whether you needed to use soft or firm bristles.
since i switched to my new office, which doesn't give me any guilt trips, i actually do buy contacts from them.
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optometrist here. sorry to hear you had such a negative experience and got grilled for a simple request. yes, supporting local businesses is great, but shopping around for deals when finances are tight isn't a sin. as long as services are paid for, which you did with the contact lens evaluation, then you are free to do as you please with your prescription. it is not our place to judge and be snarky like he was with you. hopefully you can find a new doctor who provides quality service and that you feel comfortable building a doctor-patient relationship with.
i would consider reaching out to him and explaining how you felt, and hopefully he takes the opportunity to learn from the situation for future encounters.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this actually happened a month ago but everytime i think about it i get irritated, so figured i'd see if i maybe i was in the wrong. i have (had) an optometrist in the area who was okay. generally polite, a little quiet at times but nothing i couldn't deal with. i've gotten contacts directly from his office for years, and as i'm sure you blind bats out there like me know contacts aren't cheap. i've also bought like a $500 pair of glasses from here too. this year being the year of covid, my husband and i were looking to save a little money, so he asked if i could request a written prescription this time. my optometrist and i are having a lovely friendly conversation after the exam, and he asked if i'd like my contacts delivered to me or ready at the office for pickup. i said, "oh actually, if you wouldn't mind i'd like a written prescription please." he instantly got cold and said, "why do you want a written prescription?" i was instantly weirded out because it's not any of his business, but i'm a people pleaser so i said, "my husband and i have to fix a ton of things in our house, so we're trying to save a little money." he doesn't answer and starts scribbling something down on a notepad. hands it to me and says, "these are our prices for contacts. you'll find they're not much more than the online retailers." i say thank you and i'll look into it and let him know. he's still seeming angry and says, "you know, we're a small business - people like jan who checked you in and tim who did your eye pressures rely on our contacts sales for their pay." i was pretty shocked so i'm not sure what i said, probably babbled about i'll let you know. he walked me to the front desk, i said "have a nice day!", he was like "yep" without looking at me and walked away. the more i thought about it after the angrier i got. i'm actually a veterinarian, so i also prescribe medications to clients, and sometimes they ask for written prescriptions. and i say okay! make sure you put dr. tarbella on the website so it comes to me so i can approve it. i'm not going to guilt people over their decisions or put the burden of paying *our* employees on them. i realize some people do think online pharmacies are satan, so maybe i am the asshole here. but i want to see what others think. i literally never leave reviews but wondering too if i'd be the asshole leaving a review of this place. tl;dr optometrist guilts me for not buying contacts from his office and says that's what pays his employees.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this actually happened a month ago but everytime i think about it i get irritated, so figured i'd see if i maybe i was in the wrong. i have (had) an optometrist in the area who was okay. generally polite, a little quiet at times but nothing i couldn't deal with. i've gotten contacts directly from his office for years, and as i'm sure you blind bats out there like me know contacts aren't cheap. i've also bought like a $500 pair of glasses from here too. this year being the year of covid, my husband and i were looking to save a little money, so he asked if i could request a written prescription this time. my optometrist and i are having a lovely friendly conversation after the exam, and he asked if i'd like my contacts delivered to me or ready at the office for pickup. i said, "oh actually, if you wouldn't mind i'd like a written prescription please." he instantly got cold and said, "why do you want a written prescription?" i was instantly weirded out because it's not any of his business, but i'm a people pleaser so i said, "my husband and i have to fix a ton of things in our house, so we're trying to save a little money." he doesn't answer and starts scribbling something down on a notepad. hands it to me and says, "these are our prices for contacts. you'll find they're not much more than the online retailers." i say thank you and i'll look into it and let him know. he's still seeming angry and says, "you know, we're a small business - people like jan who checked you in and tim who did your eye pressures rely on our contacts sales for their pay." i was pretty shocked so i'm not sure what i said, probably babbled about i'll let you know. he walked me to the front desk, i said "have a nice day!", he was like "yep" without looking at me and walked away. the more i thought about it after the angrier i got. i'm actually a veterinarian, so i also prescribe medications to clients, and sometimes they ask for written prescriptions. and i say okay! make sure you put dr. tarbella on the website so it comes to me so i can approve it. i'm not going to guilt people over their decisions or put the burden of paying *our* employees on them. i realize some people do think online pharmacies are satan, so maybe i am the asshole here. but i want to see what others think. i literally never leave reviews but wondering too if i'd be the asshole leaving a review of this place. tl;dr optometrist guilts me for not buying contacts from his office and says that's what pays his employees. [/INST] nta - also if you are in the usa it’s illegal for him to withhold your prescription. </s>
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AITA For Telling My Dad He’s Escaping His Problems By Sending Me Away?
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16f. mom and dad are 50.
last month, dad got home drunk/tipsy and got mad i didn’t take out the trash like i promised. i apologized and said i’ll take it out tmr (its a bit late). he got made and ended up breaking my nintendo switch. i got mad, too. haven’t talked in a few weeks, he seem to want to get back on good terms but he’s unwilling to pay for my switch, apologize or recognize he did anything wrong, so i don’t.
flash forward this noon, i went back to my room after lunch and i can hear him saying to my mom that they should send me to live with my grandparents for chinese new year, for about a month. he said “i don’t want to live with her” “she makes the house uncomfortable” “everyone would be better off if she’s not here”, etc. my mom said he shouldn’t say that, she’ll miss me but she’ll ask me if that’s something that i want to do.
i came out of my room on the verge of tears and told my dad he’s trying to send me away to escape from his own problems, and that our relationship is really hard for me sometimes.
he said, “why don’t you deal with your problems? i don’t want to be your dad, if i had a choice!”. he was quite mad.
i didn’t stop. “sorry, but i’m an emotionally stable person who doesn’t get mad at everything all the time. i have hobbies, a social circle, and i go to therapy to deal with the trauma you created growing up. you don’t do any of these things, so quit thinking that i’m the problem. your anger issues is the problem and nothing will be “normal” until you’re able to face up to it. hearing you trying to blame everything on me is very hurtful. maybe i don’t really want to be you daughter”
he lashed out, called me an ungrateful, selfish a-hole for everything i’ve done. my mom dialed down the situation, seeing that he’s extremely mad, and sent me back into my room.
my mom came in my room later. i cried for a bit, she told me that i shouldn’t have said i don’t want to be his daughter, and i should apologize. i asked her what about how miserable he made me feel, and she told me that we can’t change him but i can’t stoop down to his level. my mom’s mad at him too, but still wants me to apologize first so as not to further conflict.
i’m incredibly hurt by this, but maybe i shouldn’t be. i just felt like our fights were usually hiccups, and we’ll work through it since we love eachother. him trying to send me away made me feel not a part of this family, unloved, insecure. idk if i should feel this way.
just lemme know man. is it my stupid teenage hormones. should i apologize first, aita?
| 672 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kuptxq/aita_for_telling_my_dad_hes_escaping_his_problems/
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2021-01-10 23:25:14
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nta
and your mother is wrong for trying to get your to apologize to the person emotionally abusing you.
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nta
this is rough. and the last paragraph makes me feel awful. it's not your fault. and if you do apologise it should be through gritted teeth.
i would start planning now how you're going to leave and never look back.
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nta, your father sounds like he has some pretty serious alcohol and anger issues. it’s was really inappropriate for your mother to imply that you, as the child, should be more mature than your adult father. it sounds like she is enabling behavior by making you and herself responsible for managing his moods. i’m glad that you are in therapy. what impact would moving to your grandparents have on your life? would you have your own space? would you be able to continue therapy and maintain relationships with your friends/social circle? i ask because you may want to consider going to stay with them for awhile, not because you did anything wrong, but because your home does not sound like a healthy environment.
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nta. you’re a teenager, he’s the adult. don’t make it the other way around.
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nta.
he sounds incredibly abusive and manipulative. you have every right to feel the way you do. your mom should absolutely not be defending him.
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nta, he is taking out his anger and frustration on his minor child. you are not responsible for his reactions and behavior, he is the adult. he should have enough emotional intelligence to realize this. should. also, your mother is going about this the wrong way. he damaged property that belonged to you, is ostrocizing you, taking his anger out on you, and she expects you to apologize? what she should of done was confront her husband about his treatment towards you instead of putting the responsibility on her child. this is just a bandaid for the current situation, not a solution to a bigger problem that is happening here. and it's an extremely toxic one.
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nta, your dad biggest asshole, your mom an enabler (why can't he change?).
even when you spit facts at his face, the only reaction is getting mad and proving you right, so what is there to apologize for? "sorry i hurt an ego that is already super fragile?"
he's responsible of you, what he said/think is cruel and immature.
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nta. your dad sounds like a real jerk and your mom isn't helping you by advocating for you to placate him even though she knows he's in the wrong. that's not how people learn to be better.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: 16f. mom and dad are 50. last month, dad got home drunk/tipsy and got mad i didn’t take out the trash like i promised. i apologized and said i’ll take it out tmr (its a bit late). he got made and ended up breaking my nintendo switch. i got mad, too. haven’t talked in a few weeks, he seem to want to get back on good terms but he’s unwilling to pay for my switch, apologize or recognize he did anything wrong, so i don’t. flash forward this noon, i went back to my room after lunch and i can hear him saying to my mom that they should send me to live with my grandparents for chinese new year, for about a month. he said “i don’t want to live with her” “she makes the house uncomfortable” “everyone would be better off if she’s not here”, etc. my mom said he shouldn’t say that, she’ll miss me but she’ll ask me if that’s something that i want to do. i came out of my room on the verge of tears and told my dad he’s trying to send me away to escape from his own problems, and that our relationship is really hard for me sometimes. he said, “why don’t you deal with your problems? i don’t want to be your dad, if i had a choice!”. he was quite mad. i didn’t stop. “sorry, but i’m an emotionally stable person who doesn’t get mad at everything all the time. i have hobbies, a social circle, and i go to therapy to deal with the trauma you created growing up. you don’t do any of these things, so quit thinking that i’m the problem. your anger issues is the problem and nothing will be “normal” until you’re able to face up to it. hearing you trying to blame everything on me is very hurtful. maybe i don’t really want to be you daughter” he lashed out, called me an ungrateful, selfish a-hole for everything i’ve done. my mom dialed down the situation, seeing that he’s extremely mad, and sent me back into my room. my mom came in my room later. i cried for a bit, she told me that i shouldn’t have said i don’t want to be his daughter, and i should apologize. i asked her what about how miserable he made me feel, and she told me that we can’t change him but i can’t stoop down to his level. my mom’s mad at him too, but still wants me to apologize first so as not to further conflict. i’m incredibly hurt by this, but maybe i shouldn’t be. i just felt like our fights were usually hiccups, and we’ll work through it since we love eachother. him trying to send me away made me feel not a part of this family, unloved, insecure. idk if i should feel this way. just lemme know man. is it my stupid teenage hormones. should i apologize first, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
16f. mom and dad are 50. last month, dad got home drunk/tipsy and got mad i didn’t take out the trash like i promised. i apologized and said i’ll take it out tmr (its a bit late). he got made and ended up breaking my nintendo switch. i got mad, too. haven’t talked in a few weeks, he seem to want to get back on good terms but he’s unwilling to pay for my switch, apologize or recognize he did anything wrong, so i don’t. flash forward this noon, i went back to my room after lunch and i can hear him saying to my mom that they should send me to live with my grandparents for chinese new year, for about a month. he said “i don’t want to live with her” “she makes the house uncomfortable” “everyone would be better off if she’s not here”, etc. my mom said he shouldn’t say that, she’ll miss me but she’ll ask me if that’s something that i want to do. i came out of my room on the verge of tears and told my dad he’s trying to send me away to escape from his own problems, and that our relationship is really hard for me sometimes. he said, “why don’t you deal with your problems? i don’t want to be your dad, if i had a choice!”. he was quite mad. i didn’t stop. “sorry, but i’m an emotionally stable person who doesn’t get mad at everything all the time. i have hobbies, a social circle, and i go to therapy to deal with the trauma you created growing up. you don’t do any of these things, so quit thinking that i’m the problem. your anger issues is the problem and nothing will be “normal” until you’re able to face up to it. hearing you trying to blame everything on me is very hurtful. maybe i don’t really want to be you daughter” he lashed out, called me an ungrateful, selfish a-hole for everything i’ve done. my mom dialed down the situation, seeing that he’s extremely mad, and sent me back into my room. my mom came in my room later. i cried for a bit, she told me that i shouldn’t have said i don’t want to be his daughter, and i should apologize. i asked her what about how miserable he made me feel, and she told me that we can’t change him but i can’t stoop down to his level. my mom’s mad at him too, but still wants me to apologize first so as not to further conflict. i’m incredibly hurt by this, but maybe i shouldn’t be. i just felt like our fights were usually hiccups, and we’ll work through it since we love eachother. him trying to send me away made me feel not a part of this family, unloved, insecure. idk if i should feel this way. just lemme know man. is it my stupid teenage hormones. should i apologize first, aita? [/INST] nta and your mother is wrong for trying to get your to apologize to the person emotionally abusing you. </s>
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AITA ? For not supporting my best friend of 15 years ?
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my best friend (23f) and i (23m) are literally soulmates. we have never had and feelings for one another and will never have it either. she is like a sister to me.
my gf (23f) has come to love her as well. they have become close and it’s honestly a dream come true. they go out together and act like they have been friends for years and i’m so happy about it.
now she has met a guy. i actually thought that he was a great guy, i saw him as a good friend for the first 5 months of their relationship. i was happy for her and my gf as well. there weren’t any red flags but now i can’t say that i want to be near him.
he is always drunk, even when he’s with her alone. he is depressed and won’t seek help. he has made my best friends life hell, she is a shell of the person she was and i’m honestly concerned about her mental health.
my gf talked to me about them and has raised her concerns, she is worried and so am i, she is not happy anymore. she is drunk constantly as well and me and other friends had a talk with her yesterday.
we raised our concerns and told her we are worried about her and that we can’t force her to break up with him but he has changed her from a happy and loving person to a complete stranger. i don’t recognize my best friend anymore.
she told us to stop worrying about her and that everything is fine and that they are getting married. the whole room went silent. she looked at me and said “ what do you think?” and i honestly said i don’t support it, i think she will be doing a terrible mistake.
she shouted, cried and told me and everyone to leave. my friends said i should have just congratulated her and said i was happy for her. i pointed out that none of them said anything either but my gf told me as her best friend i should be happy for her. so aita?
| 314 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yn0c0q/aita_for_not_supporting_my_best_friend_of_15_years/
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2022-11-05 17:24:04
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nta, you are supporting her by trying to help her get back to her happy and healthy self! i hope she can get the help she needs before spiraling down the path of alcoholism and mental illness.
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nta you can support your friend even if you don't support her choice. and not cheerleading her downward spiral is supporting her. she just doesn't realize it yet.
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nta there is a difference between supporting and enabling. you didn't want to enable her.
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nta. you told her the truth because you are her best friend, you'd be doing her a disservice by supporting this. hopefully this will make her open her eyes.
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nta you as her best friend did her a massive service by pointing out things as you see it.
your friend is trap on the "i can fix/help/save him" falacy, and the more he drags her down to his level the harder it will be for her to realize she cant change him. the intervention you did as a group was not a bad step but people on situations like your best friend tend to be defensive when being called out.
fake sympathy or fake acceptance is the worst thing you can do as she would use it as reinforcement that she is doing the right thing. i want to believe the crying was not only for the lack of support but also maybe it finally dawned on her that nobady things her relationship is a positive thing and it would lead to the introspection she needs to leave her bf
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if he is an alcoholic then she most likely will be pulled along with him. it’s referred to as a family disease as those intimately involved are impacted heavily.
you told your truth, and only you know if you said it with love or with frustration; i would suggest that saying it in a group setting isn’t the best option.
this may be a long and tough ride for her, it’s up to you if you want to be there. if you do chose to be there then you also need to accept where she’s at & figure out your boundaries around that. and then hold them.
with the info i have i’m going for a super soft yta for calling her out like this in a group setting.
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nta, and what you've done is incredibly difficult though also best considering the circumstances. i hope that she one day sees she's fortunate she has someone who does care enough to speak up and tell her about real worries and concerns instead of ignoring the problems.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0.007141 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my best friend (23f) and i (23m) are literally soulmates. we have never had and feelings for one another and will never have it either. she is like a sister to me. my gf (23f) has come to love her as well. they have become close and it’s honestly a dream come true. they go out together and act like they have been friends for years and i’m so happy about it. now she has met a guy. i actually thought that he was a great guy, i saw him as a good friend for the first 5 months of their relationship. i was happy for her and my gf as well. there weren’t any red flags but now i can’t say that i want to be near him. he is always drunk, even when he’s with her alone. he is depressed and won’t seek help. he has made my best friends life hell, she is a shell of the person she was and i’m honestly concerned about her mental health. my gf talked to me about them and has raised her concerns, she is worried and so am i, she is not happy anymore. she is drunk constantly as well and me and other friends had a talk with her yesterday. we raised our concerns and told her we are worried about her and that we can’t force her to break up with him but he has changed her from a happy and loving person to a complete stranger. i don’t recognize my best friend anymore. she told us to stop worrying about her and that everything is fine and that they are getting married. the whole room went silent. she looked at me and said “ what do you think?” and i honestly said i don’t support it, i think she will be doing a terrible mistake. she shouted, cried and told me and everyone to leave. my friends said i should have just congratulated her and said i was happy for her. i pointed out that none of them said anything either but my gf told me as her best friend i should be happy for her. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my best friend (23f) and i (23m) are literally soulmates. we have never had and feelings for one another and will never have it either. she is like a sister to me. my gf (23f) has come to love her as well. they have become close and it’s honestly a dream come true. they go out together and act like they have been friends for years and i’m so happy about it. now she has met a guy. i actually thought that he was a great guy, i saw him as a good friend for the first 5 months of their relationship. i was happy for her and my gf as well. there weren’t any red flags but now i can’t say that i want to be near him. he is always drunk, even when he’s with her alone. he is depressed and won’t seek help. he has made my best friends life hell, she is a shell of the person she was and i’m honestly concerned about her mental health. my gf talked to me about them and has raised her concerns, she is worried and so am i, she is not happy anymore. she is drunk constantly as well and me and other friends had a talk with her yesterday. we raised our concerns and told her we are worried about her and that we can’t force her to break up with him but he has changed her from a happy and loving person to a complete stranger. i don’t recognize my best friend anymore. she told us to stop worrying about her and that everything is fine and that they are getting married. the whole room went silent. she looked at me and said “ what do you think?” and i honestly said i don’t support it, i think she will be doing a terrible mistake. she shouted, cried and told me and everyone to leave. my friends said i should have just congratulated her and said i was happy for her. i pointed out that none of them said anything either but my gf told me as her best friend i should be happy for her. so aita? [/INST] nta, you are supporting her by trying to help her get back to her happy and healthy self! i hope she can get the help she needs before spiraling down the path of alcoholism and mental illness. </s>
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AITA for asking my wife to not bring her stuffed animal to restaurants with us all the time?
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my(44m) wife(32f) has always liked stuffed animals, but in the last few years she’s started buying larger ones, more frequently. it never really bothered me, in fact i found it kind of endearing and i’ve bought several of them for her. a couple of years ago, she found one that she really liked, a pig wearing pajamas, about a foot tall, and she began bringing it with her when we traveled, taking pictures of it in front of landmarks etc. to post to social media.
she got a few looks from people, presumably because she’s a grown ass woman carrying a stuffy with her, but i never thought much of it, that was her jam.
however, not long after, she started bringing it to restaurants with us, sometimes even asking if it could have its own chair. i thought this was a bit silly but it wasn’t hurting anyone so i didn’t say anything. then, one time we were out for happy hour drinks and oysters at a somewhat upscale place (coast, for those familiar with vancouver) and she brought the stuffy. i had a crazy day at work and was a bit tired, and i noticed quite a few people glancing in our direction. i was acutely aware of how this might look to others - white guy with younger asian wife carrying a stuffy, and i became so self conscious of the looks that i had a hard time enjoying my time with my wife.
so, i asked her if she could sometimes maybe just leave the stuffy at home. she said ok, but after thinking about it for a couple of minutes she became very angry, shouted “why, do i embarrass you??!!” and stormed out of the place, which then became silent lol. when i got home she was still fuming and felt personally attacked by my request. i tried explaining myself but it basically ended by her saying she’d bring it anywhere she damn well pleased. i didn’t push it further because i didn’t think it was worth fighting over more, and didn’t bring it up again.
she’s since mostly gotten out of this phase, and i probably wouldn’t have said anything to her if i hadn’t been a bit tired and grumpy that day, but in this instance was i the ah for asking her to leave the stuffy at home sometimes?
| 1,534 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/evhot9/aita_for_asking_my_wife_to_not_bring_her_stuffed/
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2020-01-29 04:21:23
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nta.
let's be real, sometimes this *does* embarrass you. she has realized that, and is being defensive and insecure because your acceptance of this quirk has likely helped make her feel better about it and view it as less strange.
but that kind of thing has a limit, and she needs to recognize that she is imposing on you by drawing attention to the both of you. you've been remarkably tolerant of this hobby considering its public upturn (far more than i'd have been i think) and she needs to recognize that, and allow you time with her that isn't shared by her stuffy and its audience.
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nta your wife shouldn’t bring a really big stuffed animal around that’s strange. maybe convince her to bring a smaller one around that she keeps in her purse or something
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nta. it’s not cute.
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nta. that is a bit embarrassing.
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can't make a judgement.
in the u.s., it might be considered strange, but i went korea last year, along with a number of other asian counties, and a lot of people carrying cute stuffed animals, i saw lots of adult couples wearing matching outfits, featuring their favorite anime characters and hoodies with animal ears. on the trains and subways, there's lots of business people in suits, reading manga (ie., comic books) during their daily commute. in tokyo, we stayed at a "kissa manga", which is a comic book store, where you rent an overnight cubicle and either sleep or stay up all night reading all the manga you could ever want -- along with all the free tea, coffe, and juices you can drink! "hello kitty" is as popular with adults as it is with kids.
oh, and then there cat cafes, where they have dozens of kitties to pet while you drink your coffee, and maid cafes, where the servers dress up in frilly pink dresses with pinafores and perform this whole cosplay thing. no joke.
different cultures, sure, but there also plenty of people who travel with garden gnomes to pose for pictures with them wherever they go. i've seen people do it with stuffed animals too, to pose and post all over facebook.
a little unusual, but not that much.
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nta but it might have been better to save the discussion for once you got home
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nah
you could suggest to get a smaller key-chained sized stuffed animal (you can still get quite big ones for purses and whatnot)
i kinda did the same thing for a while - there was one stuffed animal that'd i'd always bring with me places, i usually left it in the car.
the reason behind it is that it helped me cope with c-ptsd.
it'd be something she should bring up with a therapist, it could be a sign to an underlying cause.
at the same time, if it's not caused by a psychological problem and she's just enjoying herself... who cares?
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not exactly relevant, but if you ever go to scotland, please don’t call it ‘a stuffy’, that means, um, something, ur, quite different
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nta. stuffed animals belong at home.
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i don’t think you’re an asshole but info has your wife experiences some sort of trauma or is using the stuffed animal as a coping mechanism? like loss of child?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NAH
| null |
NTA
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INFO
| 0.012234 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my(44m) wife(32f) has always liked stuffed animals, but in the last few years she’s started buying larger ones, more frequently. it never really bothered me, in fact i found it kind of endearing and i’ve bought several of them for her. a couple of years ago, she found one that she really liked, a pig wearing pajamas, about a foot tall, and she began bringing it with her when we traveled, taking pictures of it in front of landmarks etc. to post to social media. she got a few looks from people, presumably because she’s a grown ass woman carrying a stuffy with her, but i never thought much of it, that was her jam. however, not long after, she started bringing it to restaurants with us, sometimes even asking if it could have its own chair. i thought this was a bit silly but it wasn’t hurting anyone so i didn’t say anything. then, one time we were out for happy hour drinks and oysters at a somewhat upscale place (coast, for those familiar with vancouver) and she brought the stuffy. i had a crazy day at work and was a bit tired, and i noticed quite a few people glancing in our direction. i was acutely aware of how this might look to others - white guy with younger asian wife carrying a stuffy, and i became so self conscious of the looks that i had a hard time enjoying my time with my wife. so, i asked her if she could sometimes maybe just leave the stuffy at home. she said ok, but after thinking about it for a couple of minutes she became very angry, shouted “why, do i embarrass you??!!” and stormed out of the place, which then became silent lol. when i got home she was still fuming and felt personally attacked by my request. i tried explaining myself but it basically ended by her saying she’d bring it anywhere she damn well pleased. i didn’t push it further because i didn’t think it was worth fighting over more, and didn’t bring it up again. she’s since mostly gotten out of this phase, and i probably wouldn’t have said anything to her if i hadn’t been a bit tired and grumpy that day, but in this instance was i the ah for asking her to leave the stuffy at home sometimes?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my(44m) wife(32f) has always liked stuffed animals, but in the last few years she’s started buying larger ones, more frequently. it never really bothered me, in fact i found it kind of endearing and i’ve bought several of them for her. a couple of years ago, she found one that she really liked, a pig wearing pajamas, about a foot tall, and she began bringing it with her when we traveled, taking pictures of it in front of landmarks etc. to post to social media. she got a few looks from people, presumably because she’s a grown ass woman carrying a stuffy with her, but i never thought much of it, that was her jam. however, not long after, she started bringing it to restaurants with us, sometimes even asking if it could have its own chair. i thought this was a bit silly but it wasn’t hurting anyone so i didn’t say anything. then, one time we were out for happy hour drinks and oysters at a somewhat upscale place (coast, for those familiar with vancouver) and she brought the stuffy. i had a crazy day at work and was a bit tired, and i noticed quite a few people glancing in our direction. i was acutely aware of how this might look to others - white guy with younger asian wife carrying a stuffy, and i became so self conscious of the looks that i had a hard time enjoying my time with my wife. so, i asked her if she could sometimes maybe just leave the stuffy at home. she said ok, but after thinking about it for a couple of minutes she became very angry, shouted “why, do i embarrass you??!!” and stormed out of the place, which then became silent lol. when i got home she was still fuming and felt personally attacked by my request. i tried explaining myself but it basically ended by her saying she’d bring it anywhere she damn well pleased. i didn’t push it further because i didn’t think it was worth fighting over more, and didn’t bring it up again. she’s since mostly gotten out of this phase, and i probably wouldn’t have said anything to her if i hadn’t been a bit tired and grumpy that day, but in this instance was i the ah for asking her to leave the stuffy at home sometimes? [/INST] nta. let's be real, sometimes this *does* embarrass you. she has realized that, and is being defensive and insecure because your acceptance of this quirk has likely helped make her feel better about it and view it as less strange. but that kind of thing has a limit, and she needs to recognize that she is imposing on you by drawing attention to the both of you. you've been remarkably tolerant of this hobby considering its public upturn (far more than i'd have been i think) and she needs to recognize that, and allow you time with her that isn't shared by her stuffy and its audience. </s>
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AITA for not telling my roommate what happened to his cat?
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ok, im really conflicted here. around in, august one of my roommates and his girlfriend (who doesn't live with us all) got a cat, and they decided to leave it here without telling anyone else in the house. i don't care, i love cats so it wasn't a problem.
the problem is he never takes care of his cat beyond feeding it and cleaning its litter box. i will give that to him he never starves him. but he never plays with him either, and he always has all this energy and there's only 2 or 3 cat toys in the house, and i bought one of them! most of the time he isn't even at the house, he's at his girlfriends house, where he'll be for days at a time leaving his friend who lives here to take care of his cat. when he is here he's playing video games or watching tv, and when the cat is asking for attention he usually just yells at him.
the worst was new years. i was the only one at the house during the few days around new years, and one day i got back from work and realized he had left his cat locked in his room while he was at his parents house. **edit** *this is the worst because he's done this before at thanksgiving, but that time was only 2 days as opposed to the 4 days at new years*
whenever anyone comes over the cat always runs to them begging for attention, which he usually ends up getting from my friends or one of my roommates gfs who likes the cat.
anyway, this one girl i know is a huge animal rescue/rights person. she hates the way he treats his cat and told me multiple times she's gonna take him. i don't know 100% because i haven't asked her, but i'm about 95% sure she took his cat. the other 5% is he might have negligently killed it and is lying about it. when he asked me if i knew i said i had no idea and helped him look for his cat.
| 357 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ahli2t/aita_for_not_telling_my_roommate_what_happened_to/
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2019-01-19 11:58:22
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nta, and i feel like i just read the premise for gone baby gone.
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did you never during this period approach your roommate about the cat...? i'm leaning toward esh simply because it sounds like a little of communication could've saved you all from a bunch of drama. that said, if you did approach him about the cat multiple times, then he's the only asshole here.
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nta. you didn't take the cat and you have no actual proof of what happened to it.
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nta it's not your responsibility to keep up with your roommate's pets. you don't know for sure that the girl took the cat. and don't ever ask her. in this case, ignorance is bliss.
i read your comment about how the roommate said he hated his cat. why did he have a cat in the first place if he hated it so much? why wasn't he actively trying to find a good home for it if he wanted to get rid of it so badly?
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when it comes to being an asshole to your friend, or an asshole to an animal (in this case the cat) i will almost always rather be the asshole to the friend. i bet she snatched the kitty right up and although it’s theft, its deserved.
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nta, you don't even know what happened to the cat and he is not yours
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nta
you aren't lying, you actually don't know what happened .
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nta - (you might want to put in the main post that you did in fact confront him about having to care more for his cat.)
your roommate clearly didn't understand the level of responsibility needed to properly care for a pet. not providing enough stimulation and locking the cat in his room for days is neglect, which is a form of abuse. i hope the girl who you suspect of taking in the cat is taking better care of it.
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info - why dont you just ask the girl? she doesnt seem shy about confrontation.
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nta. you don’t know where the cat is...it could have gotten out and ran away. maybe suggest that he ask the friend who you suspect may have taken it?
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
|
NTA
|
NTA
|
INFO
|
NTA
| 0.041117 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok, im really conflicted here. around in, august one of my roommates and his girlfriend (who doesn't live with us all) got a cat, and they decided to leave it here without telling anyone else in the house. i don't care, i love cats so it wasn't a problem. the problem is he never takes care of his cat beyond feeding it and cleaning its litter box. i will give that to him he never starves him. but he never plays with him either, and he always has all this energy and there's only 2 or 3 cat toys in the house, and i bought one of them! most of the time he isn't even at the house, he's at his girlfriends house, where he'll be for days at a time leaving his friend who lives here to take care of his cat. when he is here he's playing video games or watching tv, and when the cat is asking for attention he usually just yells at him. the worst was new years. i was the only one at the house during the few days around new years, and one day i got back from work and realized he had left his cat locked in his room while he was at his parents house. **edit** *this is the worst because he's done this before at thanksgiving, but that time was only 2 days as opposed to the 4 days at new years* whenever anyone comes over the cat always runs to them begging for attention, which he usually ends up getting from my friends or one of my roommates gfs who likes the cat. anyway, this one girl i know is a huge animal rescue/rights person. she hates the way he treats his cat and told me multiple times she's gonna take him. i don't know 100% because i haven't asked her, but i'm about 95% sure she took his cat. the other 5% is he might have negligently killed it and is lying about it. when he asked me if i knew i said i had no idea and helped him look for his cat.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok, im really conflicted here. around in, august one of my roommates and his girlfriend (who doesn't live with us all) got a cat, and they decided to leave it here without telling anyone else in the house. i don't care, i love cats so it wasn't a problem. the problem is he never takes care of his cat beyond feeding it and cleaning its litter box. i will give that to him he never starves him. but he never plays with him either, and he always has all this energy and there's only 2 or 3 cat toys in the house, and i bought one of them! most of the time he isn't even at the house, he's at his girlfriends house, where he'll be for days at a time leaving his friend who lives here to take care of his cat. when he is here he's playing video games or watching tv, and when the cat is asking for attention he usually just yells at him. the worst was new years. i was the only one at the house during the few days around new years, and one day i got back from work and realized he had left his cat locked in his room while he was at his parents house. **edit** *this is the worst because he's done this before at thanksgiving, but that time was only 2 days as opposed to the 4 days at new years* whenever anyone comes over the cat always runs to them begging for attention, which he usually ends up getting from my friends or one of my roommates gfs who likes the cat. anyway, this one girl i know is a huge animal rescue/rights person. she hates the way he treats his cat and told me multiple times she's gonna take him. i don't know 100% because i haven't asked her, but i'm about 95% sure she took his cat. the other 5% is he might have negligently killed it and is lying about it. when he asked me if i knew i said i had no idea and helped him look for his cat. [/INST] nta, and i feel like i just read the premise for gone baby gone. </s>
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AITA because I asked my ex to give me some money for snacks if he won't take the kids to his place on his days? Kids are 16m/13m.
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my ex and i live pretty close together (20min) with the kids doing virtual school til the end of the year i noticed the kids are at my place almost all week even on his days.
for example this week i have them monday, thursday, saturday and sunday, he has them tuesday, wednesday and friday. (we alter fridays)
yet because they are here monday and obviously night he doesn't want to pick them up tuesday morning, so the boys are here monday, tuesday until he picks them up from work, his place tues night and all wednesday. he drops them off at 7:30 thursday morning then here all thursday and friday until he gets off work.
i love my boys and yes, do i benefit from seeing them extra when i'm not supposed to have them heck yes! but out of 5 days this week they are here for 4 yet i'm only supposed to have them for 2. i asked if he could pitch in $50 for 2 weeks of snacks and he flat out refused, said i was ridiculous for asking and it's not how i said it was and that they don't eat that much at his place.
he told me to keep a grocery diary to prove i'm spending more, then he would review it, do i just suck it up?
| 183 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n04rdp/aita_because_i_asked_my_ex_to_give_me_some_money/
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2021-04-28 02:24:20
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nta and if he continues to do that and not help his children financially, get a lawyer and make his ass pay for child support
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nta. kinda seems like he's using you for free daycare. since there's no support payments, it wouldn't hurt for him to pack them a lunch or something. parents normally do that when dropping their kids off at daycare.
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nta
if custody was formally changed so that you have your kids more often then he would have to pay more. if he wants to keep track of what the kids are eating then he should take them on his time and feed them. your proposal saves you both the lawyers fees.
for those wondering, i calculate that op is asking for $5 or less per extra meal. tuesday lunch both weeks and all 3 meals on his friday is 5 extra meals per boy every 2 weeks, excluding snacks.
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nta
if he is resistive to outright giving you money for snacks, maybe ask him to pick up x, y & z for the kids to have at your house.
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sounds like it's time for a formal update to the custody arrangement and child support agreement to me.
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so the kids are supposed to change houses basically every day? that sounds exhausting for everyone, especially the kids. i’m no expert, but i’ve never heard of such a thing.
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i’m saying esh because the kids are bouncing around 4 times within their school week, this sounds chaotic. instead of submitting things to him, submit stuff to the courts to decide what’s fair (and please get a stable custody agreement sorted out for the kids’ sake!)
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esh. take this to court and let the courts decide what is fair. and get a normal schedule. poor kids are bounced back and forth all over the place.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
ESH
|
ESH
| null | null | 0.176777 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my ex and i live pretty close together (20min) with the kids doing virtual school til the end of the year i noticed the kids are at my place almost all week even on his days. for example this week i have them monday, thursday, saturday and sunday, he has them tuesday, wednesday and friday. (we alter fridays) yet because they are here monday and obviously night he doesn't want to pick them up tuesday morning, so the boys are here monday, tuesday until he picks them up from work, his place tues night and all wednesday. he drops them off at 7:30 thursday morning then here all thursday and friday until he gets off work. i love my boys and yes, do i benefit from seeing them extra when i'm not supposed to have them heck yes! but out of 5 days this week they are here for 4 yet i'm only supposed to have them for 2. i asked if he could pitch in $50 for 2 weeks of snacks and he flat out refused, said i was ridiculous for asking and it's not how i said it was and that they don't eat that much at his place. he told me to keep a grocery diary to prove i'm spending more, then he would review it, do i just suck it up?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my ex and i live pretty close together (20min) with the kids doing virtual school til the end of the year i noticed the kids are at my place almost all week even on his days. for example this week i have them monday, thursday, saturday and sunday, he has them tuesday, wednesday and friday. (we alter fridays) yet because they are here monday and obviously night he doesn't want to pick them up tuesday morning, so the boys are here monday, tuesday until he picks them up from work, his place tues night and all wednesday. he drops them off at 7:30 thursday morning then here all thursday and friday until he gets off work. i love my boys and yes, do i benefit from seeing them extra when i'm not supposed to have them heck yes! but out of 5 days this week they are here for 4 yet i'm only supposed to have them for 2. i asked if he could pitch in $50 for 2 weeks of snacks and he flat out refused, said i was ridiculous for asking and it's not how i said it was and that they don't eat that much at his place. he told me to keep a grocery diary to prove i'm spending more, then he would review it, do i just suck it up? [/INST] nta and if he continues to do that and not help his children financially, get a lawyer and make his ass pay for child support </s>
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AITA for being pissed at someone for dropping the ball due to mental health issues
|
so please read everything before putting me on blast.
i recently directed my first short film a few months ago, and my videographer asked me if they could edit it together for a film credit and experience. i accepted, and we planned a post production timeline together with the producer, sound designer, and sfx editor, starting with the videographer’s portion. if everything went according to plan,the film would have been fully edited in about a month and a half. it was made this way since i had a study abroad planned and we didn’t want to have to factor in a 11 hour time difference when planning to discuss revisions for cuts.
a week goes by and the videographer misses their first deadline, and they message me asking for an extension so they could study for finals. i’m a student too and i get finals are stressful, so i tell them to put it on the back burner for now, and just go after it once summer starts. around this time i also get the videographer a production job, filling in for me while i’m abroad.
summer comes and they miss their second deadline for the first cut. i message them again asking about it and they said that it’s just taking a little bit longer than expected and tell me to expect it in a few days. they miss the third deadline and don’t respond when i reach out. i contact my producer about it and he says he’ll look into it.
about a week passes and neither i, nor my producer have heard from them. at this point i assume that they ghosted the project and i have the producer find a new editor. about a full month has passed at this point, and i have to fly out, making the post-production cycle a lot harder.
about a week in to my study abroad, my producer told me that he reached the videographer, who had told him they were struggling with mental health issues, which caused them to step away from the project.
now i understand that it’s not their fault for struggling and i truly am glad that they stepped away and got the help they needed, but i still feel angry that they chose to leave the project without telling anybody, especially when the current state of production hinges on them. now, because they ghosted the project without telling anyone, the entire production cycle has become delayed and disorganized since people have flown back home and i’m in a different country, which makes communicating needed changes and revisions more difficult. i’m also worried about how they’re acting filling in for me as well, since i vouched for them to get the position over other candidates.
when i voiced these complaints to the producer, he told me that we should be more worried about their mental well-being than anything else right now, but i still think i’m justified for being angry. aita?
| 214 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c5npke/aita_for_being_pissed_at_someone_for_dropping_the/
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2019-06-26 09:28:09
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nta, i understand this is a major inconvenience but sometimes it's nobody's fault, even though the communication would definitely have helped.
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nta
communication is an essential part of the adult world. this person is never going to get to ghost a paying job in this manner without facing consequences.
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nta. this is completely unprofessional behavior.
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nta, a little communication would have been nice regardless of the circumstance.
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nta
as someone who understand how cutthroat an area filmmaking is as a career, also how small a world it is, this guy is shooting his potential career in the foot before its even started. i assure you that even though the other people on the project are trying to be sympathetic about his condition none of them will ever consider using him again.
you got called out because you didn't put on your empathy mask, which tbh is probably something you'll want to work on. if you want to work in film you're going to have to get used to this sort of diplomacy with very difficult people. this difficult person in particular has a more 'legitimate' reason for their cock up, but they still coked up big time.
also you sound like you have a pretty clam and screwed on head. there was a pretty hilarious post by another young filmmaker on this subreddit about him throwing a tantrum because he had based his entire production on some crazy manipulative liar who completely outsmarted the op. not sure how old you are but you seem very mature, best of luck with the production and i hope it hasn't been too compromised. don't worry about people judging you for your reaction, like i said most of them probably are thinking the same thing in their mind anyway. you just might want to work on being a bit better at controlling such reactions, but that will come with more experience (i'm assuming you're early 20's). best of luck!
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nah. it's not their fault they dropped the ball. it's not their fault they couldn't do the work. illness hit. it sucks.
however, they also failed to communicate clearly that they couldn't do the work. that's probably a result of the mental health too... if it's anxiety related, they were probably too afraid to admit they couldn't do it. and so down that they couldn't summon the energy to care. but that doesn't void the frustration you feel. and having mental health issues doesn't give you a right to screw over other people.
you can be worried for their mental health, and compassionate to their struggle... and angry that they failed to communicate their situation clearly at the same time.
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nah. you seem to be understanding of his situation. you can't help being annoyed at being inconvenienced and let down. you can help how you treat him now.
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nta. i have mental health issues and my boss cuts me slack by letting me cry in his office, not by letting me miss assignments and due dates. welcome to the real world!
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this would have to be an nah from me. as someone who suffers from horrible depression and anxiety attacks, i think you are 100% justified in feeling the way you do. after i started getting help and being able to see things more clearly, i could tell how much i was effecting other people. it is something that is possible not to notice what is happening to those around you when you can barely even tell that there is something wrong with you. this doesn't excuse his behavior, just gives an explanation on what is going on. i hope that you are able to get your project completed, and i hope the dude is able to get the help he seems to need.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
| null | 0.006547 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so please read everything before putting me on blast. i recently directed my first short film a few months ago, and my videographer asked me if they could edit it together for a film credit and experience. i accepted, and we planned a post production timeline together with the producer, sound designer, and sfx editor, starting with the videographer’s portion. if everything went according to plan,the film would have been fully edited in about a month and a half. it was made this way since i had a study abroad planned and we didn’t want to have to factor in a 11 hour time difference when planning to discuss revisions for cuts. a week goes by and the videographer misses their first deadline, and they message me asking for an extension so they could study for finals. i’m a student too and i get finals are stressful, so i tell them to put it on the back burner for now, and just go after it once summer starts. around this time i also get the videographer a production job, filling in for me while i’m abroad. summer comes and they miss their second deadline for the first cut. i message them again asking about it and they said that it’s just taking a little bit longer than expected and tell me to expect it in a few days. they miss the third deadline and don’t respond when i reach out. i contact my producer about it and he says he’ll look into it. about a week passes and neither i, nor my producer have heard from them. at this point i assume that they ghosted the project and i have the producer find a new editor. about a full month has passed at this point, and i have to fly out, making the post-production cycle a lot harder. about a week in to my study abroad, my producer told me that he reached the videographer, who had told him they were struggling with mental health issues, which caused them to step away from the project. now i understand that it’s not their fault for struggling and i truly am glad that they stepped away and got the help they needed, but i still feel angry that they chose to leave the project without telling anybody, especially when the current state of production hinges on them. now, because they ghosted the project without telling anyone, the entire production cycle has become delayed and disorganized since people have flown back home and i’m in a different country, which makes communicating needed changes and revisions more difficult. i’m also worried about how they’re acting filling in for me as well, since i vouched for them to get the position over other candidates. when i voiced these complaints to the producer, he told me that we should be more worried about their mental well-being than anything else right now, but i still think i’m justified for being angry. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so please read everything before putting me on blast. i recently directed my first short film a few months ago, and my videographer asked me if they could edit it together for a film credit and experience. i accepted, and we planned a post production timeline together with the producer, sound designer, and sfx editor, starting with the videographer’s portion. if everything went according to plan,the film would have been fully edited in about a month and a half. it was made this way since i had a study abroad planned and we didn’t want to have to factor in a 11 hour time difference when planning to discuss revisions for cuts. a week goes by and the videographer misses their first deadline, and they message me asking for an extension so they could study for finals. i’m a student too and i get finals are stressful, so i tell them to put it on the back burner for now, and just go after it once summer starts. around this time i also get the videographer a production job, filling in for me while i’m abroad. summer comes and they miss their second deadline for the first cut. i message them again asking about it and they said that it’s just taking a little bit longer than expected and tell me to expect it in a few days. they miss the third deadline and don’t respond when i reach out. i contact my producer about it and he says he’ll look into it. about a week passes and neither i, nor my producer have heard from them. at this point i assume that they ghosted the project and i have the producer find a new editor. about a full month has passed at this point, and i have to fly out, making the post-production cycle a lot harder. about a week in to my study abroad, my producer told me that he reached the videographer, who had told him they were struggling with mental health issues, which caused them to step away from the project. now i understand that it’s not their fault for struggling and i truly am glad that they stepped away and got the help they needed, but i still feel angry that they chose to leave the project without telling anybody, especially when the current state of production hinges on them. now, because they ghosted the project without telling anyone, the entire production cycle has become delayed and disorganized since people have flown back home and i’m in a different country, which makes communicating needed changes and revisions more difficult. i’m also worried about how they’re acting filling in for me as well, since i vouched for them to get the position over other candidates. when i voiced these complaints to the producer, he told me that we should be more worried about their mental well-being than anything else right now, but i still think i’m justified for being angry. aita? [/INST] nta, i understand this is a major inconvenience but sometimes it's nobody's fault, even though the communication would definitely have helped. </s>
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AITA FOR NOT WANTING TO MOVE .Y WEDDING DATE?
|
so we still live with my parents. but im the youngest sibling out of 3 and the only one without kids. my oldest sister (27) doesn't drive and has 2 kids and recently found out she's pregnant. she's also my mom's favorite. because we only have 1 vehicle (which is mine) i've told them that they need to work around mine and my fiances schedule. instead of doing that she goes directly to my mom and tells her that she has an appointment(s) at so and so time that usually goes against our pre-existing schedules and because my sister gets whatever she wants with our mom. if i don't comply i get yelled at or told i'm selfish.. when she found out her baby is due sometime around my wedding that i've had planned for 2 years, she told me i'd have to move it but i don't want to and neither does my fiance so aita?
| 208 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r2mtn2/aita_for_not_wanting_to_move_y_wedding_date/
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2021-11-26 12:59:13
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nta but also get away from this family asap.
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nta
prioritise spending money on moving out rather than a wedding
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nta - but move out from home
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nta
at the same time though, you're trying to make adult moves while remaining under your parents' roof. it rarely works out. you should try to get out asap.
since it doesn't sound like you're close with your sister you'd only be an ah if you weren't understanding if they can't attend the wedding.
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nta - don't move it.
make sure you have everything locked down vendor-wise with passwords and security in case they take it upon themselves to cancel for you. also make sure all dresses and decorations etc are kept securely. there's been so many stories of relatives ruining wedding plans that it pays to be safe!
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nta... you planned your wedding date and for 2 years have had it set, not your fault your sister got pregnant. you and your fiance don't need to rearrange your life - wedding, schedules to accommodate your sister, she needs to grow up and be an adult.
get out of your parent's house asap and away from the toxic environment.
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nta?????????? all mooching off you and got the audacity to ask you to change your plans lmfaooooo tell them fuck right off
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nta
27 with 2 kids, one on the way, no car, and still lives at home. no. wtf.
you need to move. they are taking advantage of you 100%. it's not your responsibility to take care of your adult sister.
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nta
but get out asap even if it means cutting costs for the wedding. a wedding is only one day.
it is the marriage that counts and that is more likely to last if you gtfo of your current situation.
also if the car is yours keep the keys locked up and charge mileage if they do use it.
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nta! don't move it for your sister - tell her you're sorry she won't be there (whether that is true or not) and go forward with your plans! i hope you'll be moving out after the wedding, your situation sounds like my idea of a nightmare!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so we still live with my parents. but im the youngest sibling out of 3 and the only one without kids. my oldest sister (27) doesn't drive and has 2 kids and recently found out she's pregnant. she's also my mom's favorite. because we only have 1 vehicle (which is mine) i've told them that they need to work around mine and my fiances schedule. instead of doing that she goes directly to my mom and tells her that she has an appointment(s) at so and so time that usually goes against our pre-existing schedules and because my sister gets whatever she wants with our mom. if i don't comply i get yelled at or told i'm selfish.. when she found out her baby is due sometime around my wedding that i've had planned for 2 years, she told me i'd have to move it but i don't want to and neither does my fiance so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so we still live with my parents. but im the youngest sibling out of 3 and the only one without kids. my oldest sister (27) doesn't drive and has 2 kids and recently found out she's pregnant. she's also my mom's favorite. because we only have 1 vehicle (which is mine) i've told them that they need to work around mine and my fiances schedule. instead of doing that she goes directly to my mom and tells her that she has an appointment(s) at so and so time that usually goes against our pre-existing schedules and because my sister gets whatever she wants with our mom. if i don't comply i get yelled at or told i'm selfish.. when she found out her baby is due sometime around my wedding that i've had planned for 2 years, she told me i'd have to move it but i don't want to and neither does my fiance so aita? [/INST] nta but also get away from this family asap. </s>
|
AITA for antagonizing future SIL and her husband after he gave me a ‘compliment’ during a nice dinner?
|
me(28m) and my fiancée(27f) are an interracial couple, she is white and i am black, so it makes family get togethers.... let’s say interesting. both of our families have said things that were inappropriate, but we both agree her family takes the cake for saying things unintentionally (sometimes fully intentionally in their case) offensive things.
we visited her hometown and to have dinner with her parents and sisters. while the women cooked, i was out having a some beers with the other men. we were shooting the shit, talking about normal stuff. eventually someone brought up politics. my spidey sense went off and i looked in vain for literally any chance to change the subject. of course her dad, mentions the protests and the riots. my fiancées bil, dan, just goes off about how awful rioters are, which i fully agree with, but then he gestured at me and said, “luckily you’re not out there doing that, you’re one of the good ones”.
i know he was making an attempt at complementing me, but i still felt like what he said was not appropriate.i pretended like i didn’t hear it. 15 minutes later the ladies called us back in to wash up before we ate. a little after the beginning of the the meal, one of her sisters brought up football and then dan the man decides to bring politics back up. he brought up kneeling during the national anthem. after that, a small political discussion that didn’t get heated, i kept my mouth shut. but then dan says, “i was just telling op outside, that he was one of the good ones,” and the family all agreed. my fiancée looked at me kinda shocked.
i then asked, what “one of the good ones” meant. he said that i knew what he meant, that i had a good job, a degree, took care of my fiancée, and don’t have trouble with the law, which all of this is really surprising for a black person. i then asked why he felt that is so so surprising. he then said, “well you know how other black people are,” and that’s what set me off. i told him what he was saying was very ignorant. dan’s wife jumped in and said i was being rude and that i should just take the compliment. i then said the compliment was extremely back handed and offensive. me saying this got my fiancées entire family involved.
a very heated argument ensued, and ruined the tone of the dinner. near the end, her father told me that i was being ungrateful for their hospitality and asked me to leave. i obliged and went outside to my car. my fiancée followed me out, and tried to leave with me, but i told her that she should stay because i don’t like making her choose between me and her family. i left to our motel and 2 hours later my fiancée asked me to come pick her up. when i got there, her father and brother in laws were waiting out on the porch with her. i got out grabbed her and left.
i’m not 100% sure if i handled it well, because my fiancée said that she really just wanted that dinner to go well. and i felt bad for making waves.
aita?
| 6,618 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i6knbg/aita_for_antagonizing_future_sil_and_her_husband/
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2020-08-09 14:55:14
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nta. he has no business forming an opinion (a false one that too) about a whole race. that was in no way a compliment, that’s just subtle racism. you stood up for yourself and your people. fuck him.
edit 1: not all white gun owners are trump supporters and vice-vera. my bad.
edit 2: the racism isn’t subtle.
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nta. honestly, i think you handled that infinitely better and than most people would. the phrase “one of the good ones” obviously implies that you’re unique, and most are not “good ones”.
that comment was definitely racist. the fact is it was only a “compliment” because it disparaged most black people.
it might be worth trying to broach the comment again in a few days with her family to explain why exactly their comment was offensive
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nta, but honestly next time (which in my opinion there shouldn’t be a next time, but that’s up to you) let your fiancée leave with you. it isn’t choosing between you and her family, it’s supporting the person she loves and showing her family their ignorance has consequences. if you two get married she will inevitably have to stand up to her family because it doesn’t seem like they are going to accept you. you aren’t making her choose. they are.
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nta
>while the women cooked, i was out having a some beers with the other men
>“i was just telling op outside, that he was one of the good ones,”
this should be an aita from the 1920s. (and even then... really?)
sadly, humans not good at learn
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nta they're being racist
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nta and your fiancee should have stood up for you more. now you know what you're getting into with her family. think about that information
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nta, you didn't make the waves. one time you ignored, the second time dan was either intentionally or unintentionally trying to provoke a reaction. he really, really wanted to comment on your race because, whether it's racism (it is) or exotification (probably that too) he can't get past it.
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nta they are extremely racist and i think you might have a problem here if your fiancé doesn’t stand up for you and allows those comments.
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alright, i gotta chime in.
i too am in an interracial serious relationship (i'm black, he's white), and dude, my boyfriends family (although not explicitly racist, like your so's) definitely held the same sentiments towards black people.
ever since the protests have been going on, and even before then, i've had to deal with being put in a place where i am now the educator on black issues, even though i never wanted to be. the first year of dating my boyfriend was filled with arguments on whether racism was real, how impactful it was, the difference between 'difference of opinion' and 'implicit racist belief', all of that.
at any point i could've left, but i loved him, so i didn't. nor did i back down from any "discussion", because if i'm going to love someone, they're going to love and understand all of me. my struggles, the plights i endure as a black woman, all of it.
i applied this same sentiment with his family, who are all white. you have to understand the position you're in now. you either endure large amounts of emotional labor in a gamble to see if her side of the family will truly understand you and change their mentalities, or you deal with the fact that you may have to cut them from your- and possibly your fiance's- lives.
black people don't get to chalk this kind of stuff up as difference of opinion, like its who prefers what flavor of ice cream, because we are directly involved and harmed by racist mentalities such as "you're one of the good ones"
op, nta. this sounds like it's the beginning of your long haul if you choose it- please don't ever try to keep the peace by minimizing your reactions to their racism. but you've got some issues to talk about with your fiancee, her family, etc.
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nta
he was a racist asshole.
but why did the women all the cooking, while the men enjoyed their beer?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me(28m) and my fiancée(27f) are an interracial couple, she is white and i am black, so it makes family get togethers.... let’s say interesting. both of our families have said things that were inappropriate, but we both agree her family takes the cake for saying things unintentionally (sometimes fully intentionally in their case) offensive things. we visited her hometown and to have dinner with her parents and sisters. while the women cooked, i was out having a some beers with the other men. we were shooting the shit, talking about normal stuff. eventually someone brought up politics. my spidey sense went off and i looked in vain for literally any chance to change the subject. of course her dad, mentions the protests and the riots. my fiancées bil, dan, just goes off about how awful rioters are, which i fully agree with, but then he gestured at me and said, “luckily you’re not out there doing that, you’re one of the good ones”. i know he was making an attempt at complementing me, but i still felt like what he said was not appropriate.i pretended like i didn’t hear it. 15 minutes later the ladies called us back in to wash up before we ate. a little after the beginning of the the meal, one of her sisters brought up football and then dan the man decides to bring politics back up. he brought up kneeling during the national anthem. after that, a small political discussion that didn’t get heated, i kept my mouth shut. but then dan says, “i was just telling op outside, that he was one of the good ones,” and the family all agreed. my fiancée looked at me kinda shocked. i then asked, what “one of the good ones” meant. he said that i knew what he meant, that i had a good job, a degree, took care of my fiancée, and don’t have trouble with the law, which all of this is really surprising for a black person. i then asked why he felt that is so so surprising. he then said, “well you know how other black people are,” and that’s what set me off. i told him what he was saying was very ignorant. dan’s wife jumped in and said i was being rude and that i should just take the compliment. i then said the compliment was extremely back handed and offensive. me saying this got my fiancées entire family involved. a very heated argument ensued, and ruined the tone of the dinner. near the end, her father told me that i was being ungrateful for their hospitality and asked me to leave. i obliged and went outside to my car. my fiancée followed me out, and tried to leave with me, but i told her that she should stay because i don’t like making her choose between me and her family. i left to our motel and 2 hours later my fiancée asked me to come pick her up. when i got there, her father and brother in laws were waiting out on the porch with her. i got out grabbed her and left. i’m not 100% sure if i handled it well, because my fiancée said that she really just wanted that dinner to go well. and i felt bad for making waves. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me(28m) and my fiancée(27f) are an interracial couple, she is white and i am black, so it makes family get togethers.... let’s say interesting. both of our families have said things that were inappropriate, but we both agree her family takes the cake for saying things unintentionally (sometimes fully intentionally in their case) offensive things. we visited her hometown and to have dinner with her parents and sisters. while the women cooked, i was out having a some beers with the other men. we were shooting the shit, talking about normal stuff. eventually someone brought up politics. my spidey sense went off and i looked in vain for literally any chance to change the subject. of course her dad, mentions the protests and the riots. my fiancées bil, dan, just goes off about how awful rioters are, which i fully agree with, but then he gestured at me and said, “luckily you’re not out there doing that, you’re one of the good ones”. i know he was making an attempt at complementing me, but i still felt like what he said was not appropriate.i pretended like i didn’t hear it. 15 minutes later the ladies called us back in to wash up before we ate. a little after the beginning of the the meal, one of her sisters brought up football and then dan the man decides to bring politics back up. he brought up kneeling during the national anthem. after that, a small political discussion that didn’t get heated, i kept my mouth shut. but then dan says, “i was just telling op outside, that he was one of the good ones,” and the family all agreed. my fiancée looked at me kinda shocked. i then asked, what “one of the good ones” meant. he said that i knew what he meant, that i had a good job, a degree, took care of my fiancée, and don’t have trouble with the law, which all of this is really surprising for a black person. i then asked why he felt that is so so surprising. he then said, “well you know how other black people are,” and that’s what set me off. i told him what he was saying was very ignorant. dan’s wife jumped in and said i was being rude and that i should just take the compliment. i then said the compliment was extremely back handed and offensive. me saying this got my fiancées entire family involved. a very heated argument ensued, and ruined the tone of the dinner. near the end, her father told me that i was being ungrateful for their hospitality and asked me to leave. i obliged and went outside to my car. my fiancée followed me out, and tried to leave with me, but i told her that she should stay because i don’t like making her choose between me and her family. i left to our motel and 2 hours later my fiancée asked me to come pick her up. when i got there, her father and brother in laws were waiting out on the porch with her. i got out grabbed her and left. i’m not 100% sure if i handled it well, because my fiancée said that she really just wanted that dinner to go well. and i felt bad for making waves. aita? [/INST] nta. he has no business forming an opinion (a false one that too) about a whole race. that was in no way a compliment, that’s just subtle racism. you stood up for yourself and your people. fuck him. edit 1: not all white gun owners are trump supporters and vice-vera. my bad. edit 2: the racism isn’t subtle. </s>
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AITA for blowing up on my family and telling them that I don’t owe them anything?
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i (17f) am currently living with my family members in an apartment which can only house 6 people, and 9 at the most.
in the beginning of november, my sister moved in with her husband. she had moved in as she had just given birth and needed her help to take care of the baby as they are first time parents.
now, there a lot of people living in our house including my grandparents, my sister and her husband, their baby, my younger brothers and my parents.
my sister and her husband, their baby and my grandparents had just moved in recently and had never been living with me till then. i’m not really used to so many people living together in a joint space.
i have adhd and frequently meltdown if things are changed too quickly. this has proven itself when my designated study space (where i attend classes and study) was changed constantly (this not only caused me to have body aches, i also was not able to concentrate much). my room/where i sleep at night was also constantly changed based on whatever my sister and her husband wanted.
on the other hand, my sister, my brothers, and my bil had a fixed study spot and their education\work were prioritised over mine. i was also constantly nagged for not helping to look after the baby although i do help.
the reason why i don’t stay up really late to help look after the baby was because i needed my sleep.
so basically, during quarantine (where i have to be stuck with all of them 24/7) i am constantly being criticised, not getting enough sleep/water/food, not getting medicated for my adhd causing my symptoms to be prominent, and also not having anyone to talk to.
yesterday when they woke me up at 4am to calm the baby so my sister and bil could go back to sleep, i snapped. i yelled at them and told them that i was tired of being a damn nanny for their baby and also juggling my studies and my exams (my exams start this week) and that i wanted to just sit down for an hour or so and watch a movie without somebody or the other stressing out and taking their anger out on me.
i feel guilty now because my sister is ignoring me and told me she no longer requires my help with the baby.
so, aita?
| 1,390 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kamfbu/aita_for_blowing_up_on_my_family_and_telling_them/
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2020-12-10 19:41:48
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nta. normally, i would say everyone sucks because you snapped at them, but naw. they literally woke a teenager up at 4am to look after their baby. your sister and bil are entitled assholes.
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nta sounds like problem solved. who thinks it is ok to wake up someone to care for the baby. if they are up to wake you up, why aren't they taking care of the baby?
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nta.
it is sad this patern that the female teenagers become the auto nanny for the family. worst in your case, it that your needs seems to be always put aside to fulfill the needs of the other people. your major job is studying, and they need to allow it.
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nta oh my god they sound annoying. i'm sorry you're stuck in this situation. if you are planning on going to college, make sure to go to one as far away from home as you can afford
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nta. they are the parents, not you. they should be the one responsible for calming the baby, not you.
don't feel guilty, it seems like from the way you told that they nag you for not helping a lot, they don't appreciate your help that much, more like took you for granted.
then again, its their baby, not yours. you don't have any responsibility to take care of that baby, its them that should be fully responsible. you should be happy that now your sister doesn't aak your help anymore.
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nta.
"i'm too tired; i'm afraid i'll drop the baby."
if they push and pry, say, "no! i love him, and that's why i can't. plus, it's your baby!"
if possible, pretend to be unable to wake up when they try.
if you don't have a job, get one. my daughter with adhd worked 24 hours a week through the pandemic, and it's been amazing for her bank account. she's got the money to move out on her own once she gets a 40-hour job.
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nope, definitely nta... the lack of respect for you and your education/wellbeing is clear... i'm sorry you have such a craptastic situation right now! keep your head up, keep working hard, it'll get better!
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nta you are 17 there's no reason to be waking you up to take care of the baby and this is definitely a cps level situation (not getting enough sleep, water, food and not getting your adhd meds). i highly recommend reaching out to your school counselor to let them know what's going on.
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two adults and even one adult can take care of even a very difficult baby. your sister should take her family and move back to her house. the situation must be stressful also for the baby, no quiet and no piece for the baby either. nta
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info: you say your sister and her family moved in because she had just given birth and needed help to take care of the baby. what was the plan when she moved in? who in the household was supposed to be providing your sister with this help?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (17f) am currently living with my family members in an apartment which can only house 6 people, and 9 at the most. in the beginning of november, my sister moved in with her husband. she had moved in as she had just given birth and needed her help to take care of the baby as they are first time parents. now, there a lot of people living in our house including my grandparents, my sister and her husband, their baby, my younger brothers and my parents. my sister and her husband, their baby and my grandparents had just moved in recently and had never been living with me till then. i’m not really used to so many people living together in a joint space. i have adhd and frequently meltdown if things are changed too quickly. this has proven itself when my designated study space (where i attend classes and study) was changed constantly (this not only caused me to have body aches, i also was not able to concentrate much). my room/where i sleep at night was also constantly changed based on whatever my sister and her husband wanted. on the other hand, my sister, my brothers, and my bil had a fixed study spot and their education\work were prioritised over mine. i was also constantly nagged for not helping to look after the baby although i do help. the reason why i don’t stay up really late to help look after the baby was because i needed my sleep. so basically, during quarantine (where i have to be stuck with all of them 24/7) i am constantly being criticised, not getting enough sleep/water/food, not getting medicated for my adhd causing my symptoms to be prominent, and also not having anyone to talk to. yesterday when they woke me up at 4am to calm the baby so my sister and bil could go back to sleep, i snapped. i yelled at them and told them that i was tired of being a damn nanny for their baby and also juggling my studies and my exams (my exams start this week) and that i wanted to just sit down for an hour or so and watch a movie without somebody or the other stressing out and taking their anger out on me. i feel guilty now because my sister is ignoring me and told me she no longer requires my help with the baby. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (17f) am currently living with my family members in an apartment which can only house 6 people, and 9 at the most. in the beginning of november, my sister moved in with her husband. she had moved in as she had just given birth and needed her help to take care of the baby as they are first time parents. now, there a lot of people living in our house including my grandparents, my sister and her husband, their baby, my younger brothers and my parents. my sister and her husband, their baby and my grandparents had just moved in recently and had never been living with me till then. i’m not really used to so many people living together in a joint space. i have adhd and frequently meltdown if things are changed too quickly. this has proven itself when my designated study space (where i attend classes and study) was changed constantly (this not only caused me to have body aches, i also was not able to concentrate much). my room/where i sleep at night was also constantly changed based on whatever my sister and her husband wanted. on the other hand, my sister, my brothers, and my bil had a fixed study spot and their education\work were prioritised over mine. i was also constantly nagged for not helping to look after the baby although i do help. the reason why i don’t stay up really late to help look after the baby was because i needed my sleep. so basically, during quarantine (where i have to be stuck with all of them 24/7) i am constantly being criticised, not getting enough sleep/water/food, not getting medicated for my adhd causing my symptoms to be prominent, and also not having anyone to talk to. yesterday when they woke me up at 4am to calm the baby so my sister and bil could go back to sleep, i snapped. i yelled at them and told them that i was tired of being a damn nanny for their baby and also juggling my studies and my exams (my exams start this week) and that i wanted to just sit down for an hour or so and watch a movie without somebody or the other stressing out and taking their anger out on me. i feel guilty now because my sister is ignoring me and told me she no longer requires my help with the baby. so, aita? [/INST] nta. normally, i would say everyone sucks because you snapped at them, but naw. they literally woke a teenager up at 4am to look after their baby. your sister and bil are entitled assholes. </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay for nephews schooling after he stole from me?
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my nephew doesn’t know that i have some money saved away for his schooling. not a ton about 40k. it’s not a college fund just some mutual funds i have. my brother and i agreed not to tell him until he graduated college because we wanted him to work hard and get scholarships rather than rely on the money. i don’t have any children of my own so this is my way of looking out for him since my brother hasn’t been able to save up much.
well until he started stealing from me. this summer he comes back home and stays with me occasionally to be closer to work. he would steal from my wallet whenever he came over and steal 20-$40 dollars. at first i didn’t notice but then i withdraw exactly $200 and the next day after he came over $40 went missing. some of my jewelry also went missing and i realized what might be happening so i installed a hidden camera off amazon and saw him stealing from my wallet.
i contacted my brother and let him know what was going on and that i’m no longer paying anything towards his loans. my brother is furious with his son and at first he tried to deny it until i sent them the recording and he admitted he needed money. i’m pissed at my brother because he revealed i was planning to give 40k to him and am no longer doing so due to the stealing. he begged, sent flowers, asked grandma (my mom) to ask me for my forgiveness. i’m firm and tell him no. aita for not giving him the 40k now that i caught him stealing?
| 18,887 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o5zoyr/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_nephews_schooling/
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2021-06-22 23:02:47
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nta - here's what i'm sure happened. your brother confronted your nephew about the stealing and demanded he make it up to you. the nephew couldn't care less and think what he did was fine. at that point, your brother probably brought up the money you had saved up and the nephew realized he was screwing himself out of 40k so then he suddenly wanted to make it up to you.
he wants the money, he is not genuinely remorseful. think of it as free money and treat yourself.
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nta he's only sorry that he got caught. he's not sorry for betraying your trust. keep the money, put it towards your retirement.
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nta. thank goodness all that money was still in your name in some mutual funds. if your nephew was stealing from you, who wasn't he cheating in his life? losing out on the money is a tough lesson for him to learn, but a lot easier than jail, which is where he was headed.
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nta. your money your decision. did he steal from him dad as well?
if you want to do something good with that money i would locate 4 worthy kids from your local town or city and give them the money towards their loans.
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nta - he is 21 years old according to a reply and seems to be only sorry now that he got caught and realized how severe the consequences are. 40k are a lot of money, especially at that age and he openly disrespected you in such a way. this is terrible. if he needed money for something important, food, medicine, etc. - he should have asked, not stolen it. and apparently, he has done so repeatedly. hell no.
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nta. it's interesting how in all his "apologies", he doesn't seem to have offered to return your jewelry (which he probably pawned) or repaid you the money. don't give him a cent.
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nta. it’s your money. use it how you want. you never promised him anything and if your brother didn’t tell him, he would have never known.
your nephew didn’t even try asking for the money before resorting to stealing. that says a lot about his character. so does his lack of remorse until he realized what he lost out on. don’t give him anything.
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nta and he should be thankful you aren’t pressing charges. he’s very obviously only “apologizing” to get the money, he’s not sorry. if he *truly* was so desperate for money, why didn’t he just ask? it’s not like it’s embarrassing to be broke in college.
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nta - a thief that steals from his own family is the lowest of the low. he does not deserve your hard-earned money.
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nta, you taught him a lesson he will never forget, well worth it.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my nephew doesn’t know that i have some money saved away for his schooling. not a ton about 40k. it’s not a college fund just some mutual funds i have. my brother and i agreed not to tell him until he graduated college because we wanted him to work hard and get scholarships rather than rely on the money. i don’t have any children of my own so this is my way of looking out for him since my brother hasn’t been able to save up much. well until he started stealing from me. this summer he comes back home and stays with me occasionally to be closer to work. he would steal from my wallet whenever he came over and steal 20-$40 dollars. at first i didn’t notice but then i withdraw exactly $200 and the next day after he came over $40 went missing. some of my jewelry also went missing and i realized what might be happening so i installed a hidden camera off amazon and saw him stealing from my wallet. i contacted my brother and let him know what was going on and that i’m no longer paying anything towards his loans. my brother is furious with his son and at first he tried to deny it until i sent them the recording and he admitted he needed money. i’m pissed at my brother because he revealed i was planning to give 40k to him and am no longer doing so due to the stealing. he begged, sent flowers, asked grandma (my mom) to ask me for my forgiveness. i’m firm and tell him no. aita for not giving him the 40k now that i caught him stealing?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my nephew doesn’t know that i have some money saved away for his schooling. not a ton about 40k. it’s not a college fund just some mutual funds i have. my brother and i agreed not to tell him until he graduated college because we wanted him to work hard and get scholarships rather than rely on the money. i don’t have any children of my own so this is my way of looking out for him since my brother hasn’t been able to save up much. well until he started stealing from me. this summer he comes back home and stays with me occasionally to be closer to work. he would steal from my wallet whenever he came over and steal 20-$40 dollars. at first i didn’t notice but then i withdraw exactly $200 and the next day after he came over $40 went missing. some of my jewelry also went missing and i realized what might be happening so i installed a hidden camera off amazon and saw him stealing from my wallet. i contacted my brother and let him know what was going on and that i’m no longer paying anything towards his loans. my brother is furious with his son and at first he tried to deny it until i sent them the recording and he admitted he needed money. i’m pissed at my brother because he revealed i was planning to give 40k to him and am no longer doing so due to the stealing. he begged, sent flowers, asked grandma (my mom) to ask me for my forgiveness. i’m firm and tell him no. aita for not giving him the 40k now that i caught him stealing? [/INST] nta - here's what i'm sure happened. your brother confronted your nephew about the stealing and demanded he make it up to you. the nephew couldn't care less and think what he did was fine. at that point, your brother probably brought up the money you had saved up and the nephew realized he was screwing himself out of 40k so then he suddenly wanted to make it up to you. he wants the money, he is not genuinely remorseful. think of it as free money and treat yourself. </s>
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AITA for moving in with my dad full-time?
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i (16f) have recently moved into my dad's full time. before, my sister (14f) and i had been doing alternating weeks between our parents. my mum is also currently 4 months pregnant with my stepdads child.
a few nights ago my sister, mum, stepdad and i went out for my stepdads birthday. on the drive home my stepdad started to make racist remarks about the people who were serving us. i said that those comments were unnecessary then my sister chimed in saying that he's being racist.
this set him off. he starts yelling about how disrespectful we are to him and her, that we never do anything around the house and that we have no manners. he also states my mum either chooses my sister and i or him. my mum remained silent.
he continued saying things such as my sister is a pig (because she openly burps) and that i am weird and need to smile and be grateful for things in life. i said back that he shouldn't call my sister a pig.
the morning after the conflict i told my mum i no longer want to live with them and wish to move into my dad's full time.
my mum said that i'm only causing more harm to her by moving out and should apologise to my stepdad for being disrespectful.
my mums side of the family have also messaged me saying i'm causing her unnecessary stress during her pregnancy and shouldn't move out.
so, should i have just kept quiet? and should i just apologise and move back in?
| 551 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vo9kcg/aita_for_moving_in_with_my_dad_fulltime/
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2022-06-30 14:20:38
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nta. your moms job is to protect you. i'm sorry she didn't. your mom's pregnancy is not a valid reason for you to go through trauma and stress. by saying to apologize she made her decision. you werent even the one giving the ultimatum.
i hope your dad treats you well. tell your mom, i love you but you made your choice and i made mine.
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nta, you did no wrong in moving out of that man's house, he's only racist and sexist, calls your sister a pig and gives his pregnant wife an ultimatum in choosing between him and her daughters. he doesn't deserve anything from anybody.
info: is your sister coming with you too or you only?
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it's going to do more harm means "i won't get as much in child support. she didn't stand up for you and god forbid he does anything, you can count on the same type of action you saw in your post.
nta
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nta, your stepdad is a racist bigot and your mom failed to protect you from him. so you are doing the necessary thing to protect yourself form your stepdad's behavior.
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nta. but you should take your sister with you. she probably will get all the blame now and has nobody to back her up anymore.
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nta and i'd message those family members back to say staying will only cause more stress for everybody.
sounds like your sister is going to stay with your mother so just make sure she knows she can change her mind and no matter what you love her.
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so it is your job to make things easier for your mom to deal with her hostile husband???????
your mom seems to believe you are the parent and she is the child. we’re i you, i couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
afterthought…this mom thing came at you when you declared that you want to move in with your dad. how is that making mom’s life difficult? her husband has let all of you know he doesn’t want you kids around or mom displaying any loyalty to you. so your move is ok with him and what is ok with him is ok with her. what is her problem?
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nta. if your mom and her side of the family refuse to grasp that you don’t need racist bullies in your life, let alone owe them respect, that’s on them.
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nta.
your stepfather is clearly not a very nice man. you and your sister have the right to live with whichever parent you choose, so if you feel more comfortable/safer living with your father, you should. you aren't responsible for your mother's mental health.
i have to ask though, is there a reason why your mother keeps quiet when he goes off like this?
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (16f) have recently moved into my dad's full time. before, my sister (14f) and i had been doing alternating weeks between our parents. my mum is also currently 4 months pregnant with my stepdads child. a few nights ago my sister, mum, stepdad and i went out for my stepdads birthday. on the drive home my stepdad started to make racist remarks about the people who were serving us. i said that those comments were unnecessary then my sister chimed in saying that he's being racist. this set him off. he starts yelling about how disrespectful we are to him and her, that we never do anything around the house and that we have no manners. he also states my mum either chooses my sister and i or him. my mum remained silent. he continued saying things such as my sister is a pig (because she openly burps) and that i am weird and need to smile and be grateful for things in life. i said back that he shouldn't call my sister a pig. the morning after the conflict i told my mum i no longer want to live with them and wish to move into my dad's full time. my mum said that i'm only causing more harm to her by moving out and should apologise to my stepdad for being disrespectful. my mums side of the family have also messaged me saying i'm causing her unnecessary stress during her pregnancy and shouldn't move out. so, should i have just kept quiet? and should i just apologise and move back in?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (16f) have recently moved into my dad's full time. before, my sister (14f) and i had been doing alternating weeks between our parents. my mum is also currently 4 months pregnant with my stepdads child. a few nights ago my sister, mum, stepdad and i went out for my stepdads birthday. on the drive home my stepdad started to make racist remarks about the people who were serving us. i said that those comments were unnecessary then my sister chimed in saying that he's being racist. this set him off. he starts yelling about how disrespectful we are to him and her, that we never do anything around the house and that we have no manners. he also states my mum either chooses my sister and i or him. my mum remained silent. he continued saying things such as my sister is a pig (because she openly burps) and that i am weird and need to smile and be grateful for things in life. i said back that he shouldn't call my sister a pig. the morning after the conflict i told my mum i no longer want to live with them and wish to move into my dad's full time. my mum said that i'm only causing more harm to her by moving out and should apologise to my stepdad for being disrespectful. my mums side of the family have also messaged me saying i'm causing her unnecessary stress during her pregnancy and shouldn't move out. so, should i have just kept quiet? and should i just apologise and move back in? [/INST] nta. your moms job is to protect you. i'm sorry she didn't. your mom's pregnancy is not a valid reason for you to go through trauma and stress. by saying to apologize she made her decision. you werent even the one giving the ultimatum. i hope your dad treats you well. tell your mom, i love you but you made your choice and i made mine. </s>
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AITA because my dog pushed over a baby
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i should start off by clarifying i make sure my dog has good manners, i’ve never let him jump on people or pull towards people. but the other day i was at the dog park with my dog, since he’s well behaved i always let him off leash as long as it’s not too crowded. he was off leash running around and accidentally knocked over an unattended baby carriage that happened to have a baby in it. immediately the mother started running to me screaming, i apologized profusely but she insisted i’m a bad dog owner with an “aggressive” dog. can this really be my fault if she left her infant unattended at an off leash large breed dog park in the first place?
| 1,706 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/win3pm/aita_because_my_dog_pushed_over_a_baby/
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2022-08-07 18:56:23
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nta because it’s an off leash dog park. why bring your baby around off leash large dogs?
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nta. who leaves a stroller alone with a baby in it at dog park?
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nta, who leaves their stroller unattended.
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bold of you to assume your dog doesn't harbor an intense secret disdain for babies.
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nta
you’re at a dog park with your dog, who is allowed to be off leash and run around, at the dog park. why someone decides to be un attentive to their children, while at a dog park where dogs are allowed to roam around off leash, is beyond me. i honestly don’t see how you’re to blame for your dog doing dog things while at a park specifically for dogs. the lady should’ve been paying more attention to her baby
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nta, dog parks are for dogs, not unattended babies or kids.
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nta. that's a load of "i'm angry i wasn't paying attention!"
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i knock over babies all the time, builds character
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nta. people who take kids to the dog park make me crazy! it’s not a petting zoo, ffs.
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nta. the point of a dog park is to allow dogs to play freely off leash. it's not an appropriate place for wobbly toddlers or infant strollers. it's totally the fault of the parent for leaving a stroller unattended in a space where dogs are going to be excitedly running around and playing.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i should start off by clarifying i make sure my dog has good manners, i’ve never let him jump on people or pull towards people. but the other day i was at the dog park with my dog, since he’s well behaved i always let him off leash as long as it’s not too crowded. he was off leash running around and accidentally knocked over an unattended baby carriage that happened to have a baby in it. immediately the mother started running to me screaming, i apologized profusely but she insisted i’m a bad dog owner with an “aggressive” dog. can this really be my fault if she left her infant unattended at an off leash large breed dog park in the first place?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i should start off by clarifying i make sure my dog has good manners, i’ve never let him jump on people or pull towards people. but the other day i was at the dog park with my dog, since he’s well behaved i always let him off leash as long as it’s not too crowded. he was off leash running around and accidentally knocked over an unattended baby carriage that happened to have a baby in it. immediately the mother started running to me screaming, i apologized profusely but she insisted i’m a bad dog owner with an “aggressive” dog. can this really be my fault if she left her infant unattended at an off leash large breed dog park in the first place? [/INST] nta because it’s an off leash dog park. why bring your baby around off leash large dogs? </s>
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AITA For Kicking Out My Siblings
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i 29f am the oldest of 4 siblings ,my 17 year old brother who we will call james and my 2 twin siblings who we will call jack and ella who are 20 . our parents passed away in a car accident that left us absolutely devastated and since no family was willing to take in my siblings i offered to and have no problem with doing so .
i am a orthodontist and we live very comfortably but growing up my parents had always gave us the option to either attend college or go to the military and since they passed i have reminded jack and ella of their wishes . to give some background jack and ella have no intentions of doing anything with themselves nor moving out , when they lived with our parents they would steal money from them which sometimes added up to thousands , get caught up in drugs and both of them were in danger of not graduating and barely did so .
i understand college is not for everyone and i have tried to help them get on their feet and have questioned if they plan on ever getting a job and they have laughed in my face and have refused . i know they are grown adults but i just find it ridiculous that they are under my roof and have drugs in my home and think it is okay to be coming in and out all hours of the night so i decided to set a few rules in place that i figured would push them to want to move out and do something.
our younger brother james has heard my nagging with them and is the opposite and has offered to get a job to help out but i told him that wasn’t necessary . james is also autistic and still manages to be very successful in school and is involved with sports and leadership and i believe he will go on to do amazing things and know our parents would be proud of him so he is no problem at all .
now back to jack and ella , i figured out that they had zero intention of leaving and i did not want to bother and figured they would get tired of my rules , they did not , i let all of this go on until they decided to throw a party while i was out of town and cause around $50,000 in damages to my house . i had no intentions of embarrassing them in front of their friends and asked them to leave but of course they refused and looked at me like i was a joke and some old person shutting down young people having a good time . i couldn’t hold back my anger and blew up on jack and ella , who had no remorse for trashing my home and so i told them to pack their things and leave .
they left and went on to tell our family about me kicking them out and i have received calls and text messages calling me a asshole and calling me dramatic for kicking out jack and ella . i know many people will say they could be mourning and could be feeling unmotivated but i have given them 2 years to heal and grow up and they have not changed. james has told me i did the right thing but i am now feeling a guilt and regret for kicking them to the curb . aita?
| 1,169 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ttztv8/aita_for_kicking_out_my_siblings/
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2022-04-01 19:53:16
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nta i would have called them a taxi - one with sirens and red lights.
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nta, you should sue them into the ground for the property damage. 50k is pretty extreme from a party.
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nta
show the bill and pictures for the damages and say anyone who’s on their side is free to take them in and pay you the damages to your house
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nta
at 20, they are old enough to face the consequences of their actions, and old enough to get jobs and find their own homes to party in.
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nta. and don't let them move back in. your family can let them move in if they are so hurt by this. let them see just how bad it was.
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nta. they are both grown adults, and everyone who is telling you that you're an asshole is just an idiot. they damaged your home and disrespected you in many ways and don't seem to be grateful at all. they are adults, they will manage. you don't have to endure everything quietly just because bad stuff happened to all of you.
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nta - time for them to grow up. do they really think you are responsible for taking care of them forever?
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nta they are adults not children. they need to be responsible for themselves at this point and their bad behavior could affect you and james.
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nta. in fact, you have shown remarkable restraint to these two horrible people. i recommend going nc with them.
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nta, tell those relatives complaining that your glad that they are able to take your siblings in, if they say they arent, ask them why they are complaining at you then
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i 29f am the oldest of 4 siblings ,my 17 year old brother who we will call james and my 2 twin siblings who we will call jack and ella who are 20 . our parents passed away in a car accident that left us absolutely devastated and since no family was willing to take in my siblings i offered to and have no problem with doing so . i am a orthodontist and we live very comfortably but growing up my parents had always gave us the option to either attend college or go to the military and since they passed i have reminded jack and ella of their wishes . to give some background jack and ella have no intentions of doing anything with themselves nor moving out , when they lived with our parents they would steal money from them which sometimes added up to thousands , get caught up in drugs and both of them were in danger of not graduating and barely did so . i understand college is not for everyone and i have tried to help them get on their feet and have questioned if they plan on ever getting a job and they have laughed in my face and have refused . i know they are grown adults but i just find it ridiculous that they are under my roof and have drugs in my home and think it is okay to be coming in and out all hours of the night so i decided to set a few rules in place that i figured would push them to want to move out and do something. our younger brother james has heard my nagging with them and is the opposite and has offered to get a job to help out but i told him that wasn’t necessary . james is also autistic and still manages to be very successful in school and is involved with sports and leadership and i believe he will go on to do amazing things and know our parents would be proud of him so he is no problem at all . now back to jack and ella , i figured out that they had zero intention of leaving and i did not want to bother and figured they would get tired of my rules , they did not , i let all of this go on until they decided to throw a party while i was out of town and cause around $50,000 in damages to my house . i had no intentions of embarrassing them in front of their friends and asked them to leave but of course they refused and looked at me like i was a joke and some old person shutting down young people having a good time . i couldn’t hold back my anger and blew up on jack and ella , who had no remorse for trashing my home and so i told them to pack their things and leave . they left and went on to tell our family about me kicking them out and i have received calls and text messages calling me a asshole and calling me dramatic for kicking out jack and ella . i know many people will say they could be mourning and could be feeling unmotivated but i have given them 2 years to heal and grow up and they have not changed. james has told me i did the right thing but i am now feeling a guilt and regret for kicking them to the curb . aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i 29f am the oldest of 4 siblings ,my 17 year old brother who we will call james and my 2 twin siblings who we will call jack and ella who are 20 . our parents passed away in a car accident that left us absolutely devastated and since no family was willing to take in my siblings i offered to and have no problem with doing so . i am a orthodontist and we live very comfortably but growing up my parents had always gave us the option to either attend college or go to the military and since they passed i have reminded jack and ella of their wishes . to give some background jack and ella have no intentions of doing anything with themselves nor moving out , when they lived with our parents they would steal money from them which sometimes added up to thousands , get caught up in drugs and both of them were in danger of not graduating and barely did so . i understand college is not for everyone and i have tried to help them get on their feet and have questioned if they plan on ever getting a job and they have laughed in my face and have refused . i know they are grown adults but i just find it ridiculous that they are under my roof and have drugs in my home and think it is okay to be coming in and out all hours of the night so i decided to set a few rules in place that i figured would push them to want to move out and do something. our younger brother james has heard my nagging with them and is the opposite and has offered to get a job to help out but i told him that wasn’t necessary . james is also autistic and still manages to be very successful in school and is involved with sports and leadership and i believe he will go on to do amazing things and know our parents would be proud of him so he is no problem at all . now back to jack and ella , i figured out that they had zero intention of leaving and i did not want to bother and figured they would get tired of my rules , they did not , i let all of this go on until they decided to throw a party while i was out of town and cause around $50,000 in damages to my house . i had no intentions of embarrassing them in front of their friends and asked them to leave but of course they refused and looked at me like i was a joke and some old person shutting down young people having a good time . i couldn’t hold back my anger and blew up on jack and ella , who had no remorse for trashing my home and so i told them to pack their things and leave . they left and went on to tell our family about me kicking them out and i have received calls and text messages calling me a asshole and calling me dramatic for kicking out jack and ella . i know many people will say they could be mourning and could be feeling unmotivated but i have given them 2 years to heal and grow up and they have not changed. james has told me i did the right thing but i am now feeling a guilt and regret for kicking them to the curb . aita? [/INST] nta i would have called them a taxi - one with sirens and red lights. </s>
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AITA for not paying 190$ for a prom i dont want to go to?
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some people at my school signed a contract to rent a club house for prom and decided to go full out (literally no specifics from them), the problem is is that they demand 190$ from everyone (150 people) but almost no one paid except the organizers friend's and they almost got sued for not paying.
i really don't want to go since i don't like a lot of people there, im single and have no interest in anyone in this school and my friends don't plan to go either, aita?( to clarify i did not sigh any contract)
| 417 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hhb39e/aita_for_not_paying_190_for_a_prom_i_dont_want_to/
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2020-06-28 08:44:30
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nta. you signed no contract and i assume that you never consented to the payment verbally, either. i think you're good to go.
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nta
if i understand this right, someone is essentially demanding that you chip in on an event that you don't wish to actually attend?
don't pay. they don't have the right to preemptively obligate you to this. most proms i have heard of sell tickets. if you don't buy all that happens is you can't go.
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$28,500?!??! how the heck...
nta - just not in any universe are you ta here.
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nta
the organizers suck at organizing. 190 bucks for 150 people works out to 28,500 bucks total. and that's just for the venue?
they should have gauged who's even interested in coming and then worked out how much those people are comfortable paying and budgeted according to that. to instead pick an expensive venue, assume 100% of attendance for a non-mandatory event, and then expect everyone to pay the resulting exorbitant fee is supremely incompetent. you don't have to worry about paying that, you never agreed to paying anything, and they can't press gang you.
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nta if your plans require other people to pay you absolutely need to make sure that those people are willing to pay beforehand.
the organizers messed up big time by just assuming that 150 people would be willing to fork up the money .
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nta if you don't want to go then don't pay for it.
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nta. you're not going, you signed no contract. if you do wind up going, i would assume you'd be on the hook for something. but, so long as you don't even plan on attending, they can't hold you to anything. especially when a written contract exists, and your name ain't on it.
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nta, of course. this is ridiculous.
btw, if you are under 18, even if you had signed it probably wouldn't be binding.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: some people at my school signed a contract to rent a club house for prom and decided to go full out (literally no specifics from them), the problem is is that they demand 190$ from everyone (150 people) but almost no one paid except the organizers friend's and they almost got sued for not paying. i really don't want to go since i don't like a lot of people there, im single and have no interest in anyone in this school and my friends don't plan to go either, aita?( to clarify i did not sigh any contract)
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
some people at my school signed a contract to rent a club house for prom and decided to go full out (literally no specifics from them), the problem is is that they demand 190$ from everyone (150 people) but almost no one paid except the organizers friend's and they almost got sued for not paying. i really don't want to go since i don't like a lot of people there, im single and have no interest in anyone in this school and my friends don't plan to go either, aita?( to clarify i did not sigh any contract) [/INST] nta. you signed no contract and i assume that you never consented to the payment verbally, either. i think you're good to go. </s>
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AITA for telling my son that his twin sister got her period?
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my daughter recently got her first period. she immediately told her mom, and then her mom took her out to get pads and tampons. my son asked me where they went, and so i told him. he started talking about how it was gross, and i told him not to act that way, and that, if anything, he should be extra nice to his sister as this might be a hard time for her. i could tell when they got home that he was trying to be really nice. they usually fight constantly, but my son was actually giving his sister a lot of space, and just agreeing with her instead of arguing with her. i thought it was going great.
but then, my son decided to tell some of his friends about it. i'm not sure exactly what went on at school, but my daughter claimed she was mortified. she and her brother have been fighting all week. my son is no longer trying to be nice. they're fighting about everything under the sun, and my daughter is pissed that her brother even knows what is going on, and i feel awful that i was the one who told him, but at the same time, i would find it weird to intentionally try to hide it from him. aita for telling him what was going on in the first place?
| 3,372 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dxi91m/aita_for_telling_my_son_that_his_twin_sister_got/
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2019-11-17 04:46:54
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yta for disclosing that information. you could have said "she's not feeling well and she went to the store with mom. please be nice to her."
this is an awkward enough transition without her brother yapping about it to others. apologize to your daughter and make sure your son is punished. he needs to know that it's not okay to share personal and/or medical information with others.
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yta. it's not your son's business and wasn't for you to disclose to him or anyone else (except maybe your wife, but she already knew).
also, as a side note, i'm super not a fan of the phrasing, "she claimed she was mortified." that's not a claim, it's a statement of fact. it's not for you or anyone but your daughter herself to decide whether she was embarrassed or not. obviously she was.
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yta
let's reverse things a bit. your son had his first wet dream. you find out and comfort him about it. do you go and tell your daughter all about this? of course not, because that would be stupid. learn to respect your kids privacy.
edit jfc. for all you incredibly pedantic assholes. no, i’m not saying a wet dream is the same as getting your period. i’m just saying these are both things that can be embarrassing and so should be handled with care and due attention to privacy.
also, i’m not saying periods (or wet dreams for that matter) are shameful. but they are things that deserve privacy if that’s what the person going through the experience wants. especially if they’re a young kid. holy shit you people are dense.
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yta- girls don’t want most people to know they got their first period. i was pissed when my mom told my dad ffs. as a rule, let a female be the one to initiate a discussion or a revelation of their bodily functions. it’s a hard time. and teenage boys are awful. i can tell you didn’t mean to be an asshole, but it still wasn’t a good idea to share this info.
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yta... the first period is traumatic as hell. the last thing a girl wants is boys knowing it happened.
not saying the brother shouldn't be told at some point cause he's gonna need to know it's a normal thing but let the girl get her mind wrapped around it first.
your son needed to not blab about personal information that isn't his to speak on. kids are awful and that kind of information is a gold mine. lord knows what she went through at school.
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nta- but you and wife need to talk to your son. he needs to learn to respect women from a young age. he needs to be reminded that spreading information about his sister is not on... this is a private matter for her. no one is an ah, unless your son continues this behaviour.
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yta- you could have just that she went to the store with her mother. that is her personal business about her body, and girls her age tend to not want to talk to male family members about their bodily functions.
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yta. a girl getting her first period is embarrassing and traumatic, and most girls want it to be kept secret. it’s her own personal business. she did not ask you to tell him. if she wanted him to know, she would’ve told him herself.
also please punish your son for being an awful monster.
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yta for literally everything in this post. first off, *not at all* your information to disclose to anyone else. especially someone who you apparently knew isn’t the nicest to her. literally just say they went to the store, that’s all he needs to know about the matter. he isn’t owed further information. second, “claimed she was mortified,” are you serious? she didn’t “claim” to be mortified, she was mortified. just because you think it isn’t a big deal doesn’t mean you get to dismiss her feelings, especially seeing as it’s not something you’ve ever had to go through. and as her parent who caused this drama to begin with you need to take a serious step back here.
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nta - this may get some hate, but hear me out.
i think men are grossed about periods because it was kept hidden from them when they were kids. women have periods. that's a fact. you had no bad intentions. you just wanted to educate your son about what was going on and how he should act in these situations. so i think you're in the clear.
your son on the other hand, is on ta territory because he disclosed the information with his friends. the phrases 'hey guys, i learned something new lately' and 'my sis got her period' are totally different.
maybe you should talk to your kid about privacy before sex ed?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.128 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter recently got her first period. she immediately told her mom, and then her mom took her out to get pads and tampons. my son asked me where they went, and so i told him. he started talking about how it was gross, and i told him not to act that way, and that, if anything, he should be extra nice to his sister as this might be a hard time for her. i could tell when they got home that he was trying to be really nice. they usually fight constantly, but my son was actually giving his sister a lot of space, and just agreeing with her instead of arguing with her. i thought it was going great. but then, my son decided to tell some of his friends about it. i'm not sure exactly what went on at school, but my daughter claimed she was mortified. she and her brother have been fighting all week. my son is no longer trying to be nice. they're fighting about everything under the sun, and my daughter is pissed that her brother even knows what is going on, and i feel awful that i was the one who told him, but at the same time, i would find it weird to intentionally try to hide it from him. aita for telling him what was going on in the first place?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter recently got her first period. she immediately told her mom, and then her mom took her out to get pads and tampons. my son asked me where they went, and so i told him. he started talking about how it was gross, and i told him not to act that way, and that, if anything, he should be extra nice to his sister as this might be a hard time for her. i could tell when they got home that he was trying to be really nice. they usually fight constantly, but my son was actually giving his sister a lot of space, and just agreeing with her instead of arguing with her. i thought it was going great. but then, my son decided to tell some of his friends about it. i'm not sure exactly what went on at school, but my daughter claimed she was mortified. she and her brother have been fighting all week. my son is no longer trying to be nice. they're fighting about everything under the sun, and my daughter is pissed that her brother even knows what is going on, and i feel awful that i was the one who told him, but at the same time, i would find it weird to intentionally try to hide it from him. aita for telling him what was going on in the first place? [/INST] yta for disclosing that information. you could have said "she's not feeling well and she went to the store with mom. please be nice to her." this is an awkward enough transition without her brother yapping about it to others. apologize to your daughter and make sure your son is punished. he needs to know that it's not okay to share personal and/or medical information with others. </s>
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AITA for exposing 2 office affairs a little?
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i work in a fairly casual office, but i mostly keep to myself. when i started, a bunch of guys at the office were rude to me, there's mostly guys in the industry and i am not. but 3 women at the office were really kind to me. two of them were jen, in sales, and anna, in pr. they don't really know each other.
over time, i heard the rumors jen was sleeping with matt, one of the top managers there. then that was confirmed because i was hanging out with jen and drinking after work and she told me.
then, i was hanging out with anna one time and she said she thought matt was hot, and i was like 'girl, i wouldn't" and she laughed and said "i might of already"
anyway, it didn't seem like either of them knew he was sleeping around, which was kind of gross.. i prefer honesty. i also got the impression both of them had a crush and wanted more.
so i told jen, i knew matt was sleeping with someone else at the company, and if she was cool with it, all good. but i wanted to tell her just in case she wasn't. and oh boy she wasn't. she said he told her he hadn't been with anyone else in a long time, was a lonely soul, wanted to build towards something more (but keep it quiet because of work). i didn't tell her who, because i wanted to respect anna's privacy as much as i could while still being honest with jen.
soon after, i told anna something similar. i told her, it's all cool if you're cool with it, but you should know matt is sleeping with someone else at the company. and she wasn't as upset as jen, but she felt grossed out. she wanted to know who, and i told her "just like you probably don't want it getting out, i think he or she feels the same way. so i'd rather not say" and she respected that.
but the fact that i said "he or she" made anna suspect it's a man, and she's been spreading gossip that matt's gay, which is awkward. i know she's hurt but i'm kind of embarrassed on her behalf.
matt has been seeming really antsy and stressed recently, and i suspect it's related. it sucks because he's taking his stress out on everyone.
aita for poking my nose where it maybe didn't belong, or did i do the right thing? i usually keep to myself way more, so this is weird for me
| 1,398 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dd6i06/aita_for_exposing_2_office_affairs_a_little/
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2019-10-04 12:10:56
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nta. i would say n.a.h except i think matt is ta for lying
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nta.
i’d say that you helped both of these ladies avoid a scumbag.
the fact that one of them started spreading rumors that he is gay is not your fault. it’s not nice that she’s spreading the rumor, although it’s a fairly innocuous rumor, imo.
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nta- first off this is why people should not have romantic relationships in the workplace. second, matt wanted to play with fire and now is getting burnt. he messed with two women in his workplace. he lied saying he was a lonely soul blah blah. he's stressed and treating people like crap now because he has been found out and i bet one if not both women are hounding him to know who he is sleeping with. the rumors of him being gay is not your fault as if you obviously said "she" to anna she would have realized it was jen or you who was sleeping with matt.
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nta, u did those women a solid
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matt's the asshole sleeping around at work.
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yo fuck matt somebody should make a subreddit about hating matt
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nta - you were doing them both a favour by letting them know he was sleeping around, then it was up to them to decide if they found that acceptable.
anna however is being an asshole
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nta.
usually id say mind your business but you were discrete and non judgey.
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nta but involving yourself in office drama is never worth it because it usually comes back to bite you in the ass
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nta. you didn't intentionally meddle, you were honest, and you protected the privacy of those involved as best you could.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i work in a fairly casual office, but i mostly keep to myself. when i started, a bunch of guys at the office were rude to me, there's mostly guys in the industry and i am not. but 3 women at the office were really kind to me. two of them were jen, in sales, and anna, in pr. they don't really know each other. over time, i heard the rumors jen was sleeping with matt, one of the top managers there. then that was confirmed because i was hanging out with jen and drinking after work and she told me. then, i was hanging out with anna one time and she said she thought matt was hot, and i was like 'girl, i wouldn't" and she laughed and said "i might of already" anyway, it didn't seem like either of them knew he was sleeping around, which was kind of gross.. i prefer honesty. i also got the impression both of them had a crush and wanted more. so i told jen, i knew matt was sleeping with someone else at the company, and if she was cool with it, all good. but i wanted to tell her just in case she wasn't. and oh boy she wasn't. she said he told her he hadn't been with anyone else in a long time, was a lonely soul, wanted to build towards something more (but keep it quiet because of work). i didn't tell her who, because i wanted to respect anna's privacy as much as i could while still being honest with jen. soon after, i told anna something similar. i told her, it's all cool if you're cool with it, but you should know matt is sleeping with someone else at the company. and she wasn't as upset as jen, but she felt grossed out. she wanted to know who, and i told her "just like you probably don't want it getting out, i think he or she feels the same way. so i'd rather not say" and she respected that. but the fact that i said "he or she" made anna suspect it's a man, and she's been spreading gossip that matt's gay, which is awkward. i know she's hurt but i'm kind of embarrassed on her behalf. matt has been seeming really antsy and stressed recently, and i suspect it's related. it sucks because he's taking his stress out on everyone. aita for poking my nose where it maybe didn't belong, or did i do the right thing? i usually keep to myself way more, so this is weird for me
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i work in a fairly casual office, but i mostly keep to myself. when i started, a bunch of guys at the office were rude to me, there's mostly guys in the industry and i am not. but 3 women at the office were really kind to me. two of them were jen, in sales, and anna, in pr. they don't really know each other. over time, i heard the rumors jen was sleeping with matt, one of the top managers there. then that was confirmed because i was hanging out with jen and drinking after work and she told me. then, i was hanging out with anna one time and she said she thought matt was hot, and i was like 'girl, i wouldn't" and she laughed and said "i might of already" anyway, it didn't seem like either of them knew he was sleeping around, which was kind of gross.. i prefer honesty. i also got the impression both of them had a crush and wanted more. so i told jen, i knew matt was sleeping with someone else at the company, and if she was cool with it, all good. but i wanted to tell her just in case she wasn't. and oh boy she wasn't. she said he told her he hadn't been with anyone else in a long time, was a lonely soul, wanted to build towards something more (but keep it quiet because of work). i didn't tell her who, because i wanted to respect anna's privacy as much as i could while still being honest with jen. soon after, i told anna something similar. i told her, it's all cool if you're cool with it, but you should know matt is sleeping with someone else at the company. and she wasn't as upset as jen, but she felt grossed out. she wanted to know who, and i told her "just like you probably don't want it getting out, i think he or she feels the same way. so i'd rather not say" and she respected that. but the fact that i said "he or she" made anna suspect it's a man, and she's been spreading gossip that matt's gay, which is awkward. i know she's hurt but i'm kind of embarrassed on her behalf. matt has been seeming really antsy and stressed recently, and i suspect it's related. it sucks because he's taking his stress out on everyone. aita for poking my nose where it maybe didn't belong, or did i do the right thing? i usually keep to myself way more, so this is weird for me [/INST] nta. i would say n.a.h except i think matt is ta for lying </s>
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AITA for refusing to help my cousin because he still owes me money?
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i (f26) received a message on social media from my cousin (m21/22, i’m just guessing his age because i literally don’t know how old he is). me and my long-lost cousin just somehow reconnected through instagram. last time i saw him probably 10-11 years ago due to the separation of his parents. so this is not one of the cousins that i always meet at family gatherings. we just casually said hi to each other and that’s about it.
so when he asked to borrow some money from me, i was a bit hesitant at first. he initially asked for $50. i stupidly didn’t ask for what. i just said, i could only lend him $20 and he said he was okay with it and he would pay it back as soon as he got paid.
funny because he didn’t even say thank you after i showed him a proof of transfer. i mean seriously? then the next morning, he uploaded a picture of him getting a new tattoo. well, there goes my $20.
from what i know, my cousin doesn’t have a stable job. however, from what i’ve seen through his updates on his instagram, he was always out partying with friends, drinking and getting tattoos.
and that’s not the end of it, literally the next day, i was banned from seeing all of his instagram story posts (similar to snapchat thing). i wasn’t fully blocked, but i just couldn’t see his story posts. and i said, hmmm this is weird. why would he do that after i helped him. i found out because i actually have two accounts.
my theory is, he was never going to give me the money back and he just wanted to disappear from my timeline by hiding all of his posts from me. honestly, i never expected him to return the money. but now i just know what kind of a person he is. he’s got a real shitty attitude.
a few weeks later, i got a message from someone who claimed to know my cousin. apparently he was involved in a minor accident. all these people were just trying to help him in this hard situation by setting up a go fund me page. from what i read in the description, the hospital bills were already paid. they were just gonna use the money to help him with other minor expenses.
i ignored the message at first but this person messaged me again asking if i would like to donate considering i’m one of his family members. i just replied to him, “would you like to let my cousin know that he actually still has my $20 and he can use that money instead? thank you”
the next day, my cousin fully blocked me. so i supposed he got the message. told my mum about this, and she said that i’m an asshole for doing this over a $20 bill and that no matter what he’s still a family.
i just wanted to teach him a lesson. so aita for refusing to help my cousin?
| 193 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mmsw0b/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_cousin_because_he/
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2021-04-08 14:22:38
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nta.
you didn’t do it over $20. you did it over their deceptive shady behavior and lack of common courtesy.
if he’d borrowed $20 and legitimately couldn’t have paid it back before the accident and hadn’t been such an ass you probably would’ve helped out after the accident a bit.
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nta - you spent $20 to learn that your cousin is a mooch. that’s cheaper than these lessons usually cost.
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nta, the hospital bills are paid, what's he gonna do with what's been crowdfunded?
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nta - while the $20 isn't really an issue the fact that your long lost cousin only hits you up when there is money needing to be borrowed is. just because you share blood doesn't mean you have to be "family". he is a stranger to you, that you haven't seen since you were a teen, who cares if you share an ancestor. you probably have many friends that you would bend over backwards for that have no blood relation but you have been through thick and thin, that is family. how can someone you don't know be compared to the family you choose for yourself.
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nta, and the gofundme sounds like a scam. i bet it was a minor accident that insurance covered but your cousin just knows that making a gfm during a hospital visit is a thing people do.
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nta, i suggest you block him so he can never contact you again. also your mom is an asshole for calling you an asshole. family is so much deeper than being blood relatives. your cousin is a perfect example of a blood parasite.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (f26) received a message on social media from my cousin (m21/22, i’m just guessing his age because i literally don’t know how old he is). me and my long-lost cousin just somehow reconnected through instagram. last time i saw him probably 10-11 years ago due to the separation of his parents. so this is not one of the cousins that i always meet at family gatherings. we just casually said hi to each other and that’s about it. so when he asked to borrow some money from me, i was a bit hesitant at first. he initially asked for $50. i stupidly didn’t ask for what. i just said, i could only lend him $20 and he said he was okay with it and he would pay it back as soon as he got paid. funny because he didn’t even say thank you after i showed him a proof of transfer. i mean seriously? then the next morning, he uploaded a picture of him getting a new tattoo. well, there goes my $20. from what i know, my cousin doesn’t have a stable job. however, from what i’ve seen through his updates on his instagram, he was always out partying with friends, drinking and getting tattoos. and that’s not the end of it, literally the next day, i was banned from seeing all of his instagram story posts (similar to snapchat thing). i wasn’t fully blocked, but i just couldn’t see his story posts. and i said, hmmm this is weird. why would he do that after i helped him. i found out because i actually have two accounts. my theory is, he was never going to give me the money back and he just wanted to disappear from my timeline by hiding all of his posts from me. honestly, i never expected him to return the money. but now i just know what kind of a person he is. he’s got a real shitty attitude. a few weeks later, i got a message from someone who claimed to know my cousin. apparently he was involved in a minor accident. all these people were just trying to help him in this hard situation by setting up a go fund me page. from what i read in the description, the hospital bills were already paid. they were just gonna use the money to help him with other minor expenses. i ignored the message at first but this person messaged me again asking if i would like to donate considering i’m one of his family members. i just replied to him, “would you like to let my cousin know that he actually still has my $20 and he can use that money instead? thank you” the next day, my cousin fully blocked me. so i supposed he got the message. told my mum about this, and she said that i’m an asshole for doing this over a $20 bill and that no matter what he’s still a family. i just wanted to teach him a lesson. so aita for refusing to help my cousin?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (f26) received a message on social media from my cousin (m21/22, i’m just guessing his age because i literally don’t know how old he is). me and my long-lost cousin just somehow reconnected through instagram. last time i saw him probably 10-11 years ago due to the separation of his parents. so this is not one of the cousins that i always meet at family gatherings. we just casually said hi to each other and that’s about it. so when he asked to borrow some money from me, i was a bit hesitant at first. he initially asked for $50. i stupidly didn’t ask for what. i just said, i could only lend him $20 and he said he was okay with it and he would pay it back as soon as he got paid. funny because he didn’t even say thank you after i showed him a proof of transfer. i mean seriously? then the next morning, he uploaded a picture of him getting a new tattoo. well, there goes my $20. from what i know, my cousin doesn’t have a stable job. however, from what i’ve seen through his updates on his instagram, he was always out partying with friends, drinking and getting tattoos. and that’s not the end of it, literally the next day, i was banned from seeing all of his instagram story posts (similar to snapchat thing). i wasn’t fully blocked, but i just couldn’t see his story posts. and i said, hmmm this is weird. why would he do that after i helped him. i found out because i actually have two accounts. my theory is, he was never going to give me the money back and he just wanted to disappear from my timeline by hiding all of his posts from me. honestly, i never expected him to return the money. but now i just know what kind of a person he is. he’s got a real shitty attitude. a few weeks later, i got a message from someone who claimed to know my cousin. apparently he was involved in a minor accident. all these people were just trying to help him in this hard situation by setting up a go fund me page. from what i read in the description, the hospital bills were already paid. they were just gonna use the money to help him with other minor expenses. i ignored the message at first but this person messaged me again asking if i would like to donate considering i’m one of his family members. i just replied to him, “would you like to let my cousin know that he actually still has my $20 and he can use that money instead? thank you” the next day, my cousin fully blocked me. so i supposed he got the message. told my mum about this, and she said that i’m an asshole for doing this over a $20 bill and that no matter what he’s still a family. i just wanted to teach him a lesson. so aita for refusing to help my cousin? [/INST] nta. you didn’t do it over $20. you did it over their deceptive shady behavior and lack of common courtesy. if he’d borrowed $20 and legitimately couldn’t have paid it back before the accident and hadn’t been such an ass you probably would’ve helped out after the accident a bit. </s>
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AITA for buying my (21M) stepmom (50F) a burger of her own because she keeps picking food off of me and my sibling’s plates?
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my stepmom is a nutritionist. she’s always about eating the right foods, meal prep, fresh groceries, etc. occasionally, my dad (52m), my siblings (21f, 20m, and 23m), and i like to get some junk food (we call these “junk-ups”) on the weekend.
now the problem: since forever, my stepmom has 1) told us that we’re going to die because we’re eating fatty foods (i promise, we only eat junk food on the weekends, or on special occasions, the last time i had anything unhealthy was my my sister’s birthday a few weeks ago) and 2) come in while we’re eating with a plate for herself and picks the foods she wants from each of our plates. whenever me or one of my siblings questioned this she would tell us “you’re being disrespectful” , “shut up, i can eat what i want”, or “it would be a waste of time to buy me one because i don’t want one”. i want to make it clear that she does not buy any of the food for our junk-ups. either i buy for everyone or one of my siblings do.
just yesterday, we decided to get burger. this time, i bought food and one of my siblings said “you know what? get mom one too because you know she’ll just pick off of our plates anyways.” and my dad grumbled something about her not liking that but i didn’t care. i figured she would come around to us buying her a burger too, perhaps she felt excluded which was definitely not our intention.
when we got home and set our plates to eat, in came my step mom with her own plate and before she could start picking, i put the wrapped burger on her plate and said “here you go. that was ones all yours. no need to pick at our plates now.”
she was infuriated with me and screamed at my dad to do something about me and went on and on about how i was being disrespectful towards her and that i needed to learn to share and that i’m too old to be selfish. i just sat there, unwrapped my burger, and ate. my siblings later told me that maybe we shouldn’t have done that because now my stepmom has been stewing about it for some time now. aita?
| 18,687 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l3j1p9/aita_for_buying_my_21m_stepmom_50f_a_burger_of/
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2021-01-23 19:51:46
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nta
she's only pissed because she can pretend she's healthier than she is if she doesn't actually have her own burger.
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nta you are sharing... a whole ass burger. it pisses me off when i offer something to someone and they say no... only to take from my portion of the food
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nta she needs to grow up and get her own plate. its rude to always eat off someones plate. if your trying something for the first time or you offer something to them but to assume every time is rude.
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>“here you go. that was ones all yours. no need to pick at our plates now.” she was infuriated with me and screamed at my dad to do something about me and went on and on about how i was being disrespectful towards her and that i needed to learn to share and that i’m too old to be selfish.
nta
this is great karma, well done.
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nta. *she’s* the one being disrespectful by touching food on others people’s plates and continuing to do so when they clearly object. not to mention it is disgustingly unhygienic. does she sip everyone’s drinks too?
your dad needs to grow a set and coach her on hygiene and respect. being older is not carte blanche to act any way you want. geesh.
lastly, i had a roommate who did this *constantly*. would refuse to join in on the order, then sit down uninvited and eat with us and then, get this, would whilst shoveling kung pao down her gullet, whip out a dollar bill and hold it out like it a) paid for the amount of food she consumed and b) resulted somehow in negative caloric consumption for her.
people like this have major major self-awareness issues and also like to actively lie to themselves about what they’re doing. there’s no way to fix her - you just need to keep doing this until she stops through frustration.
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nta - how can you be selfish when you bought an entire burger for her?
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nta but she is for obvious reasons, and so is your dad. what kind of parent allows his wife to come in and steal food that their kids bought for themselves? he shouldn't be let off the hook here.
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ianap, she's has a psychological illness with food, i'm guessing. buy her a burger next time as well, and when she blows up, recommend she seek counseling. that woman is unstable and it's impacting your happiness.
nta.
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nta. your stepmother seems very rude. it's almost as though stealing off your plates deludes her into feeling she's not eating any? but her apparent need to delude herself is not your problem, and picking off your plates is rude as hell. you graciously offered her food in an acceptable way and she reacted like a spoiled toddler. perhaps don't invite her at all next time you junk up. host the meal at your home away from her.
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nta but your step-mom is. over react much? 🙄
she is being very disrespectful to you.
she needs to get a grip. you are all adults and it is absurd of her to over react. next time, each of you and your siblings should order two meals each. put one by each plate for step-mom and eat the other. if she raids someone's plate, there is another hamburger. 😁
frankly, i would secretly load up a hamburger with really hot sauce and give it to her to take a bite. 😁
but i am petty like that.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my stepmom is a nutritionist. she’s always about eating the right foods, meal prep, fresh groceries, etc. occasionally, my dad (52m), my siblings (21f, 20m, and 23m), and i like to get some junk food (we call these “junk-ups”) on the weekend. now the problem: since forever, my stepmom has 1) told us that we’re going to die because we’re eating fatty foods (i promise, we only eat junk food on the weekends, or on special occasions, the last time i had anything unhealthy was my my sister’s birthday a few weeks ago) and 2) come in while we’re eating with a plate for herself and picks the foods she wants from each of our plates. whenever me or one of my siblings questioned this she would tell us “you’re being disrespectful” , “shut up, i can eat what i want”, or “it would be a waste of time to buy me one because i don’t want one”. i want to make it clear that she does not buy any of the food for our junk-ups. either i buy for everyone or one of my siblings do. just yesterday, we decided to get burger. this time, i bought food and one of my siblings said “you know what? get mom one too because you know she’ll just pick off of our plates anyways.” and my dad grumbled something about her not liking that but i didn’t care. i figured she would come around to us buying her a burger too, perhaps she felt excluded which was definitely not our intention. when we got home and set our plates to eat, in came my step mom with her own plate and before she could start picking, i put the wrapped burger on her plate and said “here you go. that was ones all yours. no need to pick at our plates now.” she was infuriated with me and screamed at my dad to do something about me and went on and on about how i was being disrespectful towards her and that i needed to learn to share and that i’m too old to be selfish. i just sat there, unwrapped my burger, and ate. my siblings later told me that maybe we shouldn’t have done that because now my stepmom has been stewing about it for some time now. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my stepmom is a nutritionist. she’s always about eating the right foods, meal prep, fresh groceries, etc. occasionally, my dad (52m), my siblings (21f, 20m, and 23m), and i like to get some junk food (we call these “junk-ups”) on the weekend. now the problem: since forever, my stepmom has 1) told us that we’re going to die because we’re eating fatty foods (i promise, we only eat junk food on the weekends, or on special occasions, the last time i had anything unhealthy was my my sister’s birthday a few weeks ago) and 2) come in while we’re eating with a plate for herself and picks the foods she wants from each of our plates. whenever me or one of my siblings questioned this she would tell us “you’re being disrespectful” , “shut up, i can eat what i want”, or “it would be a waste of time to buy me one because i don’t want one”. i want to make it clear that she does not buy any of the food for our junk-ups. either i buy for everyone or one of my siblings do. just yesterday, we decided to get burger. this time, i bought food and one of my siblings said “you know what? get mom one too because you know she’ll just pick off of our plates anyways.” and my dad grumbled something about her not liking that but i didn’t care. i figured she would come around to us buying her a burger too, perhaps she felt excluded which was definitely not our intention. when we got home and set our plates to eat, in came my step mom with her own plate and before she could start picking, i put the wrapped burger on her plate and said “here you go. that was ones all yours. no need to pick at our plates now.” she was infuriated with me and screamed at my dad to do something about me and went on and on about how i was being disrespectful towards her and that i needed to learn to share and that i’m too old to be selfish. i just sat there, unwrapped my burger, and ate. my siblings later told me that maybe we shouldn’t have done that because now my stepmom has been stewing about it for some time now. aita? [/INST] nta she's only pissed because she can pretend she's healthier than she is if she doesn't actually have her own burger. </s>
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AITA for applying to a job that is a competitor to my husband’s company?
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so my husband (26m) works for a local, small company that is run by his family. they have a good amount of customers and aren’t struggling. his dad is his boss, and his second cousin owns the company. he’s worked there for about 3-4 years now. he didn’t want to work there initially, but after he graduated college, he couldn’t find a job in his field, so he took a job there. he still doesn’t love the job, but until he can find something else, that’s where he’s going to stay. i (25f) had surgery 4 weeks ago. i was a manager at a bookstore, but because i was out of work for so long due to the injury and then surgery, they terminated me a week ago. they said that it was on good terms and that i could apply again and come back, but it’s a job that’s not good for my physical or mental health, and i was only making $10 in a managerial position, so i’m trying to find something different, preferably a job that is work from home while i continue to recover. last night i was applying at all of the places that i thought would be a good fit. one of my husband’s competitors (a large nation-wide company,) had an opening for a work from home customer service position. the pay starts at $15 an hour. i have experience in the field, so i applied. i didn’t think anything of it. fast forward to this afternoon; my husband and i were talking and i mentioned it to him. he didn’t think i was serious at first, but i reaffirmed him that i was and that i did apply. he said “well, that would really bother me.” i asked why, and he said “this is my families business, and you would be working for a competitor. they’re a horrible company and i just wouldn’t like it.” i told him that most companies these days aren’t great, but it’s for $15 an hour. i have no money, and i’ve lost my insurance (i got it through work) which i desperately need. we didn’t talk about it again for a few more hours. just now, i said to him, “just so we’re clear, if they offer me a job, you would want me to turn it down?” he said “if you didn’t, it would bother me.” i do and i don’t understand. the most frustrating part to me is that his family’s company had an opening for a secretary before we got married, and i wanted to apply, but his dad (boss) told me that he has a rule against hiring employee’s girlfriends because it creates too much drama and then they would have to consider everybody’s girlfriends. i’ve never been one to create drama in the workplace, but i accepted that answer. i understand him not wanting me to work for a competitor, but it’s customer service. i’m talking to people on the phone all day. it’s not like i’m selling them products and installing them in their homes like my husband does. i really need a work from home job, and with the way that we’re struggling financially, i can’t believe that he would want me to turn that job down if they offered it to me. aita? thank you in advance.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jq3n88/aita_for_applying_to_a_job_that_is_a_competitor/
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2020-11-08 02:21:38
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nta. you tried at the family company, they said no. you got a different job. go get it! your husband is the asshole forvtrying to prevent you from getting a job.
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nta. i can empathize with your husband because his family owns the company, but he shouldn’t expect you to decline a job that hits every check for what you want/ need in a job. if you get the job and he puts up a fuss i would tell him that you would be more than happy to decline if his family’s company offered you a job making $15/hr from home. you’re definitely not an asshole.
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he’s now saying that i should take into consideration all that his company has done for us. they gave him extra time off for covid, time off for our honeymoon, gave him a system that he didn’t have to pay for, etc. so they’re not a soulless company. i’m grateful for all of that. but i don’t see how my employment has anything to do with his. if anyone asks, we could just say i work for a call center.
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nta. its a job, not your undying fealty to the competitor
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nta.....if they won’t hire you, go to a competitor! but why can’t you go on his insurance? your his wife!
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nta. it’s a goddamn pandemic, jobs are not easy to get, and if his fam won’t hire you, then fuck it. you do what you gotta do to survive. “if something is to be done, then you do it.” if he’s so bent out of shape about it, then he needs to put you on his insurance. the company is doing well, so why hasn’t he? you’re nta. at all.
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nta his company wouldn't hire you. so does he expect you to never work in this field? also in this pandemic if someone offers you a job go for it
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nta. did i misunderstand the post? his company is a small, family owned, probably local company and the one you applied for is a large, national, probably corporate company. i feel like those sort of differences tend to draw different consumers and as a result wouldn’t even be competing all that much. am i wrong for thinking this? her working for the larger company wouldn’t jeopardize his position or his (family’s) company. his reasons for being unhappy are bs and don’t hold up to me.
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nah, i can see why he would be concerned, if you rise in the competitor company, he couldn't talk to you about his work. at the same time, you need to make a living and shouldn't let possible future problems keep you from succeeding right now. maybe you and he could try a 'probationary period' with the new job, where you give it 3-6 months to see how it works. if it's really not working, then you make an honest effort to find a new job.
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nta ,so you husband has a job with family, that he took because he struggled to find one in his field. he doesn't like the job and hasn't bothered to continue to look in his field (3-4 yrs). your struggling financially at the moment. you cannot work full time for medical reasons, unless it is a work from home situation, you have found a customer service job, but he doesn't want you to take it cause it is with a rival company to his families business.
you have no medical coverage, for some reason he didn't immediately put you on his. not that i understand why you weren't already once you married. we are in the middle of a pandemic, but he doesn't want you to take the job, i can only assume because it may be awkward for him at work.
the fact that it pays $5 an hr more than your last job, is of no concern to him. it would seem he would rather keep struggling, rather than deal with his family. who you work for is now of his family's business
he is the one who settled for an installation job with family, rather than in his field. now he expects you to be loyal to a company, that refused to employ you and to a job he doesn't even like. what is wrong with him.
what is that saying, pride goes before the fall
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my husband (26m) works for a local, small company that is run by his family. they have a good amount of customers and aren’t struggling. his dad is his boss, and his second cousin owns the company. he’s worked there for about 3-4 years now. he didn’t want to work there initially, but after he graduated college, he couldn’t find a job in his field, so he took a job there. he still doesn’t love the job, but until he can find something else, that’s where he’s going to stay. i (25f) had surgery 4 weeks ago. i was a manager at a bookstore, but because i was out of work for so long due to the injury and then surgery, they terminated me a week ago. they said that it was on good terms and that i could apply again and come back, but it’s a job that’s not good for my physical or mental health, and i was only making $10 in a managerial position, so i’m trying to find something different, preferably a job that is work from home while i continue to recover. last night i was applying at all of the places that i thought would be a good fit. one of my husband’s competitors (a large nation-wide company,) had an opening for a work from home customer service position. the pay starts at $15 an hour. i have experience in the field, so i applied. i didn’t think anything of it. fast forward to this afternoon; my husband and i were talking and i mentioned it to him. he didn’t think i was serious at first, but i reaffirmed him that i was and that i did apply. he said “well, that would really bother me.” i asked why, and he said “this is my families business, and you would be working for a competitor. they’re a horrible company and i just wouldn’t like it.” i told him that most companies these days aren’t great, but it’s for $15 an hour. i have no money, and i’ve lost my insurance (i got it through work) which i desperately need. we didn’t talk about it again for a few more hours. just now, i said to him, “just so we’re clear, if they offer me a job, you would want me to turn it down?” he said “if you didn’t, it would bother me.” i do and i don’t understand. the most frustrating part to me is that his family’s company had an opening for a secretary before we got married, and i wanted to apply, but his dad (boss) told me that he has a rule against hiring employee’s girlfriends because it creates too much drama and then they would have to consider everybody’s girlfriends. i’ve never been one to create drama in the workplace, but i accepted that answer. i understand him not wanting me to work for a competitor, but it’s customer service. i’m talking to people on the phone all day. it’s not like i’m selling them products and installing them in their homes like my husband does. i really need a work from home job, and with the way that we’re struggling financially, i can’t believe that he would want me to turn that job down if they offered it to me. aita? thank you in advance.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my husband (26m) works for a local, small company that is run by his family. they have a good amount of customers and aren’t struggling. his dad is his boss, and his second cousin owns the company. he’s worked there for about 3-4 years now. he didn’t want to work there initially, but after he graduated college, he couldn’t find a job in his field, so he took a job there. he still doesn’t love the job, but until he can find something else, that’s where he’s going to stay. i (25f) had surgery 4 weeks ago. i was a manager at a bookstore, but because i was out of work for so long due to the injury and then surgery, they terminated me a week ago. they said that it was on good terms and that i could apply again and come back, but it’s a job that’s not good for my physical or mental health, and i was only making $10 in a managerial position, so i’m trying to find something different, preferably a job that is work from home while i continue to recover. last night i was applying at all of the places that i thought would be a good fit. one of my husband’s competitors (a large nation-wide company,) had an opening for a work from home customer service position. the pay starts at $15 an hour. i have experience in the field, so i applied. i didn’t think anything of it. fast forward to this afternoon; my husband and i were talking and i mentioned it to him. he didn’t think i was serious at first, but i reaffirmed him that i was and that i did apply. he said “well, that would really bother me.” i asked why, and he said “this is my families business, and you would be working for a competitor. they’re a horrible company and i just wouldn’t like it.” i told him that most companies these days aren’t great, but it’s for $15 an hour. i have no money, and i’ve lost my insurance (i got it through work) which i desperately need. we didn’t talk about it again for a few more hours. just now, i said to him, “just so we’re clear, if they offer me a job, you would want me to turn it down?” he said “if you didn’t, it would bother me.” i do and i don’t understand. the most frustrating part to me is that his family’s company had an opening for a secretary before we got married, and i wanted to apply, but his dad (boss) told me that he has a rule against hiring employee’s girlfriends because it creates too much drama and then they would have to consider everybody’s girlfriends. i’ve never been one to create drama in the workplace, but i accepted that answer. i understand him not wanting me to work for a competitor, but it’s customer service. i’m talking to people on the phone all day. it’s not like i’m selling them products and installing them in their homes like my husband does. i really need a work from home job, and with the way that we’re struggling financially, i can’t believe that he would want me to turn that job down if they offered it to me. aita? thank you in advance. [/INST] nta. you tried at the family company, they said no. you got a different job. go get it! your husband is the asshole forvtrying to prevent you from getting a job. </s>
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AITA for walking off during lunch when my dad invited my deadbeat mom he started dating again?
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my mom left me (24m) when i was 7. well me and my dad. after their divorce she got remarried less than a year later and got involved with her new husbands kids so she stopped having total contact from then. my dad struggled a lot raising me on his own and we never had it easy. never had a relationship with my mom since then. the only time she reached out was on my 18 to tell me happy birthday but i never replied to her.
even if it was mother day i still like to do something with my dad so went to his house so we can have a bbq just me and him or at least that’s what i thought. my dad brought up he’s been in contact with my mom. guess she and her husband divorced over a year ago. then my mom shows up and they decided to tell me together that they started seeing eachother again. my dad told me he knows it’s a lot after what she did but he decided to forgive her and ask me to give her a chance.
the whole time i was trying hard not to lose it i swear because i just wanted to call my mom a selfish b*tch and whole bunch of other stuff. i told my dad i didn’t care if he forgave her because she also fucked up my life for leaving. and i’m not giving her a chance. only said this to my dad i didn’t wanna say anything to my mom so i ignored everything she was saying. it ruined the whole thing for me so i got up and walked away. my dad kept calling me back to talk. i got in my car and left.
my dad i saying i was out of line for walking off like i did and brushing him off like that when he was trying to be up front and honest with me. and the least i could’ve done was give dinner a chance with him and my mom. i didn’t even wanna be in the room with her though or want hear what she has to say so i’m wondering if i was an asshole for just leaving because he seem to think i was for not caring about his happiness.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n9gmam/aita_for_walking_off_during_lunch_when_my_dad/
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2021-05-10 21:29:01
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nta. she hurt you terribly. a simple"i'm sorry" doesn't heal traumatizing old wounds. i believe he should have talked to you one on one. you don't have to forgive her or forget what she did. she does not have any claim to your life now. you don't owe her anything. you may want to go low contact with your father until .... whatever you choose to do. hug.
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nta
if he was actually honest he would not have ambushed you
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lemme get this straight, your father thought that it would be totally cool to bring your mother, who made it clear she could care less about you years ago, to dinner unannounced and somehow you’re out of line?
nta
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nta - he needs to realize that just because he was quick to forgive her doesn't mean you have to be as well-- or that you have to forgive her at all. he's the one being selfish by trying to sweep all of the pain she caused you under the rug so that he can pretend that everything will go back to normal. i'd say you handled the situation quite well given the circumstances.
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nta and so many ((((hugs)))) holy crap you were so pushed in front of a speeding bus.
your mother hurt you so tremendously by cutting off contact with you. she violated a sacred trust. can she ever be forgiven? hard to know. but she isn't trying to be forgiven, she is 🤢🤢 dating your father. what is wrong with your father? seriously. low self esteem?
my heart aches for you. and i'm so sorry this is happening.
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she dipped off 17 years ago and expects to be forgiven because she's back banging your dad again?
that's wild
nta
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there is “upfront and honest”, and there is springing a big old unpleasant surprise on you. sooo, you didn’t take it well that *at your birthday*, you find out your dad has rekindled a relationship with the mother that abandoned the both of you many years ago. i am so shocked that you didn’t immediately go “yaaaaay, what an excellent *idea* ! r/sarcasm. nta
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nta he forced a super painful moment on you as a suprise. it sounds like you love your father but you need to establish a boundary.
firstly you need to see him on your own to talk this through with just him, solo.
this isn't a situation where you need to 'think about making him happy' because it is not like he is just dating a random person you dislike. he has made a decision to force someone into your life who hurt you. he can't ask you to just get over it because he can, he needs to accept what this woman did to his child and the full impact it had.
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what in the world. your mom left you both and didn't contact you for almost 20 years and your dad is like "well you owe her a conversation". what.
make it clear you wont be talking to her. leave every time. and if he brings up his happiness you can say "i'm not happy around my deadbeat mother sorry." or "you may forget she divorced you but i won't forget growing up without a mother". wow. nta
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nta - he should have warned you that he was dating her.
it's not normally the responsibility of a parent to notify their adult child that they're dating someone until they are ready to share that information but in this case there's a lot of baggage.
but for telling you that you are out of line for not wanting to see her or talk to her he is definitely the ah here.
his love life is not your problem and you're not obligated to be nice to a woman who abandoned you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom left me (24m) when i was 7. well me and my dad. after their divorce she got remarried less than a year later and got involved with her new husbands kids so she stopped having total contact from then. my dad struggled a lot raising me on his own and we never had it easy. never had a relationship with my mom since then. the only time she reached out was on my 18 to tell me happy birthday but i never replied to her. even if it was mother day i still like to do something with my dad so went to his house so we can have a bbq just me and him or at least that’s what i thought. my dad brought up he’s been in contact with my mom. guess she and her husband divorced over a year ago. then my mom shows up and they decided to tell me together that they started seeing eachother again. my dad told me he knows it’s a lot after what she did but he decided to forgive her and ask me to give her a chance. the whole time i was trying hard not to lose it i swear because i just wanted to call my mom a selfish b*tch and whole bunch of other stuff. i told my dad i didn’t care if he forgave her because she also fucked up my life for leaving. and i’m not giving her a chance. only said this to my dad i didn’t wanna say anything to my mom so i ignored everything she was saying. it ruined the whole thing for me so i got up and walked away. my dad kept calling me back to talk. i got in my car and left. my dad i saying i was out of line for walking off like i did and brushing him off like that when he was trying to be up front and honest with me. and the least i could’ve done was give dinner a chance with him and my mom. i didn’t even wanna be in the room with her though or want hear what she has to say so i’m wondering if i was an asshole for just leaving because he seem to think i was for not caring about his happiness.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mom left me (24m) when i was 7. well me and my dad. after their divorce she got remarried less than a year later and got involved with her new husbands kids so she stopped having total contact from then. my dad struggled a lot raising me on his own and we never had it easy. never had a relationship with my mom since then. the only time she reached out was on my 18 to tell me happy birthday but i never replied to her. even if it was mother day i still like to do something with my dad so went to his house so we can have a bbq just me and him or at least that’s what i thought. my dad brought up he’s been in contact with my mom. guess she and her husband divorced over a year ago. then my mom shows up and they decided to tell me together that they started seeing eachother again. my dad told me he knows it’s a lot after what she did but he decided to forgive her and ask me to give her a chance. the whole time i was trying hard not to lose it i swear because i just wanted to call my mom a selfish b*tch and whole bunch of other stuff. i told my dad i didn’t care if he forgave her because she also fucked up my life for leaving. and i’m not giving her a chance. only said this to my dad i didn’t wanna say anything to my mom so i ignored everything she was saying. it ruined the whole thing for me so i got up and walked away. my dad kept calling me back to talk. i got in my car and left. my dad i saying i was out of line for walking off like i did and brushing him off like that when he was trying to be up front and honest with me. and the least i could’ve done was give dinner a chance with him and my mom. i didn’t even wanna be in the room with her though or want hear what she has to say so i’m wondering if i was an asshole for just leaving because he seem to think i was for not caring about his happiness. [/INST] nta. she hurt you terribly. a simple"i'm sorry" doesn't heal traumatizing old wounds. i believe he should have talked to you one on one. you don't have to forgive her or forget what she did. she does not have any claim to your life now. you don't owe her anything. you may want to go low contact with your father until .... whatever you choose to do. hug. </s>
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AITA for playing ‘Rain Drops Keeps Fallin’ On My Head’ when my brother rages?
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for context, my brother (12m) is a very competitive roblox player and is easy to rage all the time. we have accepted our fate of the never-ending screaming and yelling and thumping. though my mom tried scolding my brother for it, he looks guilty for his actions but he always does it again and again and it’s driving me and my mom insane.
since school is coming up i want to be prepared so i decided to start studying, which was also the time that my brother (sadly) decided to play roblox.
all was fine at first until i heard his screaming from the dining room. it’s a normal, daily thing to hear him scream and cry and let out his inner beast rage but honestly it was just getting annoying and out of hand. he was jumping up and down screaming “i don’t understand! i don’t get it! how did he kill me that fast?! he’s hacking!!!” which pissed me off understandably. so being the lovely sibling i am, i play the song ’rain drops keep fallin’ on my head’ (which is one of his favourite songs) and skip to the part where it says, “but that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be red, crying’s not for me! cause i'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining…” i didn’t expect much of a reaction from him except for an occasional “shut up!” but he then started raging on me and telling me to shut up.
my parents came back home at the same moment when i played the music. my brother, being the amazing actor he is starts telling my parents that i was bullying him and “hurting his feelings” while i’m at the back of the room, witnessing this bullshittery. my mom then comes up to me and tells me that i should’ve called her to solve the problem.
now i am sitting on my bed, listening to my brother‘s cries of terror and agony as he gets killed by a pro.
should i have called her first and explained the situation to her? probably. but did i regret it? no. and although i don’t think i’m in the wrong here my friend (a younger sibling) told me that i should’ve been the bigger person. so reddit, aita here?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/woy46i/aita_for_playing_rain_drops_keeps_fallin_on_my/
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2022-08-15 12:14:55
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nta. your parents' reaction is a major clue as to why your brother can't control himself. he's going nuts but they're telling you you're bullying him? ridiculous.
no, you should not have called your mother to solve the problem. she clearly wouldn't have solved it. she would have enabled your brother.
your brother is 12. you're older than that. you can both work out your own problems. you should be allowed to tell him to shut it when he is out of control and your parents should be parenting him so that he either controls himself or doesn't get to play games that upset him, annoying everyone else.
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nta
what would have calling your mother actually have done? she has failed to correct his behaviour all of this time and expects you to use her as a solution to the problem that she clearly cannot handle.
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nta.
play it louder.
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nta - this is hilarious, and apt. however, you knew it would push his buttons, so not exactly the best way to get him to stop.
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this sounds like sibling shit, and siblings are often assholes towards each other, so i don't really want to judge this one instance without knowing if mocking and diminishing him for displaying emotions is a constant occurrence or just once in a while...
but i feel so bad for your brother though! he is getting absolutely no help in managing his emotions and it's pretty clear that your parents doesn't have the low threshold that he has and can't show by example how to deal with it in a constructive manner. he's gonna turn into a scary man one day unless he grows out of it or even better: actually gets help with learning to be a gracious loser.
can you help him? can you ask your parents to help him? not scold or nag when his emotions are high, but talk it through and guide him to quit before he gets so emotional and to display his anger in less destructive ways, and practice losing with grace (you know how kids in team sports have to high five/shake the other teams hands even when they lose...stuff like that...praising the opponent)?
nah, except your parents who turns a blind eye and lets him have rage tantrums and still play the game that triggers him so.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
| null | null | null | null | null | 0.002 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for context, my brother (12m) is a very competitive roblox player and is easy to rage all the time. we have accepted our fate of the never-ending screaming and yelling and thumping. though my mom tried scolding my brother for it, he looks guilty for his actions but he always does it again and again and it’s driving me and my mom insane. since school is coming up i want to be prepared so i decided to start studying, which was also the time that my brother (sadly) decided to play roblox. all was fine at first until i heard his screaming from the dining room. it’s a normal, daily thing to hear him scream and cry and let out his inner beast rage but honestly it was just getting annoying and out of hand. he was jumping up and down screaming “i don’t understand! i don’t get it! how did he kill me that fast?! he’s hacking!!!” which pissed me off understandably. so being the lovely sibling i am, i play the song ’rain drops keep fallin’ on my head’ (which is one of his favourite songs) and skip to the part where it says, “but that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be red, crying’s not for me! cause i'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining…” i didn’t expect much of a reaction from him except for an occasional “shut up!” but he then started raging on me and telling me to shut up. my parents came back home at the same moment when i played the music. my brother, being the amazing actor he is starts telling my parents that i was bullying him and “hurting his feelings” while i’m at the back of the room, witnessing this bullshittery. my mom then comes up to me and tells me that i should’ve called her to solve the problem. now i am sitting on my bed, listening to my brother‘s cries of terror and agony as he gets killed by a pro. should i have called her first and explained the situation to her? probably. but did i regret it? no. and although i don’t think i’m in the wrong here my friend (a younger sibling) told me that i should’ve been the bigger person. so reddit, aita here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for context, my brother (12m) is a very competitive roblox player and is easy to rage all the time. we have accepted our fate of the never-ending screaming and yelling and thumping. though my mom tried scolding my brother for it, he looks guilty for his actions but he always does it again and again and it’s driving me and my mom insane. since school is coming up i want to be prepared so i decided to start studying, which was also the time that my brother (sadly) decided to play roblox. all was fine at first until i heard his screaming from the dining room. it’s a normal, daily thing to hear him scream and cry and let out his inner beast rage but honestly it was just getting annoying and out of hand. he was jumping up and down screaming “i don’t understand! i don’t get it! how did he kill me that fast?! he’s hacking!!!” which pissed me off understandably. so being the lovely sibling i am, i play the song ’rain drops keep fallin’ on my head’ (which is one of his favourite songs) and skip to the part where it says, “but that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be red, crying’s not for me! cause i'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining…” i didn’t expect much of a reaction from him except for an occasional “shut up!” but he then started raging on me and telling me to shut up. my parents came back home at the same moment when i played the music. my brother, being the amazing actor he is starts telling my parents that i was bullying him and “hurting his feelings” while i’m at the back of the room, witnessing this bullshittery. my mom then comes up to me and tells me that i should’ve called her to solve the problem. now i am sitting on my bed, listening to my brother‘s cries of terror and agony as he gets killed by a pro. should i have called her first and explained the situation to her? probably. but did i regret it? no. and although i don’t think i’m in the wrong here my friend (a younger sibling) told me that i should’ve been the bigger person. so reddit, aita here? [/INST] nta. your parents' reaction is a major clue as to why your brother can't control himself. he's going nuts but they're telling you you're bullying him? ridiculous. no, you should not have called your mother to solve the problem. she clearly wouldn't have solved it. she would have enabled your brother. your brother is 12. you're older than that. you can both work out your own problems. you should be allowed to tell him to shut it when he is out of control and your parents should be parenting him so that he either controls himself or doesn't get to play games that upset him, annoying everyone else. </s>
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AITA for refusing to sign a document my late dads wife is pressuring me to?
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my father passed away three years ago from lung cancer which spread to his brain toward the end. it was an awful time for us and i miss him terribly. my mum died when i was 15 and when she died her life insurance / death in service benefit paid out and it paid off the rest of the mortgage on the house.
due to my dad being (at that time) an aggressive alcoholic i moved out when i was 16. we still maintained a rocky relationship and the later years were much better and we were very close. i loved him so much despite the bad stuff.
a couple of years later he met his gf. eventually they got married around 2015. i never totally got on with her (nothing in common and hard to relate with) but my dad was happy and we had a polite relationship as i wanted my dad to have a companion. i’ve never considered her a “step mum”.
anyway, after he died i found out that his will had been changed 2 weeks before he passed (whilst he had a large brain tumour) without my knowledge (i am one of the executors so was quite surprised i wasn’t told) which meant the sale of my parents home would go from being split 3 ways to her getting half and my brother and i the other half to split. we were not happy with how this went down but we have accepted the change to the will and moved on.
she has now decided she wants to sell because she wants to move. she mentioned she wanted to get some work done on the house to increase the sale price and i emailed her saying not to spend much as it wasn’t worth it and it was unnecessary. she invited me over a few weeks ago to see the work and to give me some documents. when i got home i looked at the document she wanted me to sign agreeing to deduct nearly £16,000 from the sale of the house to pay herself back for the work. (some of it was done ages ago and clearly for her living comfort and other paperwork only gave quotes for work not actual receipts or invoices)
the terms of the will are that she could live there until her death but she is responsible for the upkeep and maintenance as well as bills. she has lived there for 14 years rent free with my dad and 3 years without him
my friends, family and i think is an absolute piss take to ask us for this money considering it is our family home which not only did both of our parents have to die for her to get but is our only inheritance from our parents.
she is now pressuring me to agree to this and i am not happy i am being bullied by her to sign. she wrote the document, not a solicitor and no solicitor has been involved from her end about this.
she has now told me she will withdraw the property from the market if i don’t agree. which honestly (even though i am struggling financially and need to pay off debt) i don’t care about because if she lived there until she died then the house will just go to me and my brother and her (adult) kids won’t benefit from my parents.
so aita for protecting what’s left of mine and my brother inheritance?
| 13,483 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jwg7f6/aita_for_refusing_to_sign_a_document_my_late_dads/
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2020-11-18 13:57:29
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nta. don't sign that. she wants to take advantage of you.
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nta she is being shady. i would contact the solicitor if your father changed his will 2 weeks before his death with a brain tumor it could be contested
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nta. get a lawyer if you can afford and need to. do not be intimidated by her.
do not sign!!!
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nta. i'm not sure what she hopes to achieve by taking the property off the market if she wants to move? is she also badgering your brother to sign money over to her?
i would suggest getting a solicitor of your own to look over these documents. some money spent on legal advice now may save you a lot more in the long run. good luck.
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nta. sign nothing. see if you can get some free face to face time with a lawyer to look over the documents she wants you to sign. this sounds shady as hell.
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nta.
and you should threaten to have future negotiations go through a solicitor if she continues her bs. she sounds like someone who has gone through life taking advantage of others, don’t be her next victim.
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no dude don’t sign anything! nta. get a lawyer involved and your brother as well. this is similar to the way my evil step-grandma screwed my dad and his brothers out of their whole inheritance when my grandpa died. tbh you could contest a will change when done by someone in the final stages of brain tumor and you seem to have chosen not to do so which is kind of you. but put your foot down with this it she’ll nickel and dime you to death for what’s left.
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[deleted]
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nta.
she sounds like a manipulative person. especially if she made your dad make changes to his will shortly before dying. don't sign anything and tell her to fuck off
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nta.
i don't think that your dad had any business leaving a house primarily paid off by your mother's death benefits to anybody other than you and your brother. this woman doesn't deserve another penny. you made it clear that you were not willing to invest in home improvements so, if she chose to pay for home improvements to enhance her own comfort, that's on her. stand firm. don't pay her a penny more than she is legally entitled to.
check the terms of the will again.
if, as you say, you and your brother would inherit all of the house if she died before it was sold, is she actually entitled to half the sale price? did she inherit half of the house outright, or for her lifetime only?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my father passed away three years ago from lung cancer which spread to his brain toward the end. it was an awful time for us and i miss him terribly. my mum died when i was 15 and when she died her life insurance / death in service benefit paid out and it paid off the rest of the mortgage on the house. due to my dad being (at that time) an aggressive alcoholic i moved out when i was 16. we still maintained a rocky relationship and the later years were much better and we were very close. i loved him so much despite the bad stuff. a couple of years later he met his gf. eventually they got married around 2015. i never totally got on with her (nothing in common and hard to relate with) but my dad was happy and we had a polite relationship as i wanted my dad to have a companion. i’ve never considered her a “step mum”. anyway, after he died i found out that his will had been changed 2 weeks before he passed (whilst he had a large brain tumour) without my knowledge (i am one of the executors so was quite surprised i wasn’t told) which meant the sale of my parents home would go from being split 3 ways to her getting half and my brother and i the other half to split. we were not happy with how this went down but we have accepted the change to the will and moved on. she has now decided she wants to sell because she wants to move. she mentioned she wanted to get some work done on the house to increase the sale price and i emailed her saying not to spend much as it wasn’t worth it and it was unnecessary. she invited me over a few weeks ago to see the work and to give me some documents. when i got home i looked at the document she wanted me to sign agreeing to deduct nearly £16,000 from the sale of the house to pay herself back for the work. (some of it was done ages ago and clearly for her living comfort and other paperwork only gave quotes for work not actual receipts or invoices) the terms of the will are that she could live there until her death but she is responsible for the upkeep and maintenance as well as bills. she has lived there for 14 years rent free with my dad and 3 years without him my friends, family and i think is an absolute piss take to ask us for this money considering it is our family home which not only did both of our parents have to die for her to get but is our only inheritance from our parents. she is now pressuring me to agree to this and i am not happy i am being bullied by her to sign. she wrote the document, not a solicitor and no solicitor has been involved from her end about this. she has now told me she will withdraw the property from the market if i don’t agree. which honestly (even though i am struggling financially and need to pay off debt) i don’t care about because if she lived there until she died then the house will just go to me and my brother and her (adult) kids won’t benefit from my parents. so aita for protecting what’s left of mine and my brother inheritance?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my father passed away three years ago from lung cancer which spread to his brain toward the end. it was an awful time for us and i miss him terribly. my mum died when i was 15 and when she died her life insurance / death in service benefit paid out and it paid off the rest of the mortgage on the house. due to my dad being (at that time) an aggressive alcoholic i moved out when i was 16. we still maintained a rocky relationship and the later years were much better and we were very close. i loved him so much despite the bad stuff. a couple of years later he met his gf. eventually they got married around 2015. i never totally got on with her (nothing in common and hard to relate with) but my dad was happy and we had a polite relationship as i wanted my dad to have a companion. i’ve never considered her a “step mum”. anyway, after he died i found out that his will had been changed 2 weeks before he passed (whilst he had a large brain tumour) without my knowledge (i am one of the executors so was quite surprised i wasn’t told) which meant the sale of my parents home would go from being split 3 ways to her getting half and my brother and i the other half to split. we were not happy with how this went down but we have accepted the change to the will and moved on. she has now decided she wants to sell because she wants to move. she mentioned she wanted to get some work done on the house to increase the sale price and i emailed her saying not to spend much as it wasn’t worth it and it was unnecessary. she invited me over a few weeks ago to see the work and to give me some documents. when i got home i looked at the document she wanted me to sign agreeing to deduct nearly £16,000 from the sale of the house to pay herself back for the work. (some of it was done ages ago and clearly for her living comfort and other paperwork only gave quotes for work not actual receipts or invoices) the terms of the will are that she could live there until her death but she is responsible for the upkeep and maintenance as well as bills. she has lived there for 14 years rent free with my dad and 3 years without him my friends, family and i think is an absolute piss take to ask us for this money considering it is our family home which not only did both of our parents have to die for her to get but is our only inheritance from our parents. she is now pressuring me to agree to this and i am not happy i am being bullied by her to sign. she wrote the document, not a solicitor and no solicitor has been involved from her end about this. she has now told me she will withdraw the property from the market if i don’t agree. which honestly (even though i am struggling financially and need to pay off debt) i don’t care about because if she lived there until she died then the house will just go to me and my brother and her (adult) kids won’t benefit from my parents. so aita for protecting what’s left of mine and my brother inheritance? [/INST] nta. don't sign that. she wants to take advantage of you. </s>
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WIBTA for going to a wedding my brother doesn’t want me to go to?
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this is definitely going to need some backstory and names of people. my brother (26) and i (29)are close. growing up, we became best friends with another set of brothers. like individual best friends. my best friend was (and still is) the older brother i will call jeff and my brother was very close with jeff’s brother adam.
my brother dated a girl called jane from before highschool to right before their senior year ended. he loved her but he made a stupid mistake and she dumped him.
my brother went out of state for college and didn’t see adam as much anymore. one thing lead to another and adam started dating jane. my brother tore adam a new one. called him a terrible friend and told him that he hates him. every time adam is brought up my brother goes on a major rant about how much he hates him and hopes the absolute worst on adam and janes relationship. according to him, adam stabbed him in the back and twisted the knife.
this whole time jeff and i have remained close. i see adam time to time. i don’t talk to him a ton but i’ll be friendly and i congratulated both him and jane when they announced their engagement. now because jeff and i are best friends and i’ve known adam all my life, i have been invited to adam and janes wedding.
my brother is not speaking to me right now. he isn’t speaking to me because i said i am “thinking about” going to the wedding. he is telling me i’d be a terrible brother and essentially betray him by going to this wedding.
i do believe adam was probably doing some shady shit. i think it was definitely scummy of him to go after jane after her and my brother broke up. like adam and my brother were inseparable most of their lives. i agree adam stabbed him in the back.
i’d go to the wedding to be there for jeff. i don’t really give a shit about adam and jane. but we know where my brother stands on all this, and he would be extremely hurt. so would i be an asshole if i go to wedding?
| 237 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yevdmf/wibta_for_going_to_a_wedding_my_brother_doesnt/
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2022-10-27 15:47:15
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nta, and your brother’s reaction is way over the top.
1) this was *high school* — a long time ago
2) she dumped him over something he did
3) he doesn’t own her for all eternity — she and adam did nothing wrong (at least based on your post)
that said, it doesn’t sound like you’re that committed to going to the wedding. i’d be concerned about enabling my brother’s manipulative behavior by canceling, but also he’s your sibling and his feeling have some weight.
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if this happened in high school, your brother has had seemingly 8 years to get over jane. sure, it’s shitty going after your best friends ex and i don’t blame your brother for not liking adam anymore- but it was your brothers mistake that ended it. you’re not wrong if you go. nta
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is it a little shitty that when they were kids, your brothers best friend dated his ex girlfriend from high school, sure.
however, they are now getting married. i think it's incredibly safe to say that jane's relationship with adam is a bit more serious than a high school boyfriend.
if you want to go to the wedding, your brother should accept that people and life have moved on, and holding grudges and further bringing people into his hostility is only going to further him being angry over something he should just get over.
nta
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nta your brother is being ridiculous.
1. it sounds like he cheated on jane or at least he was very much at fault in their breakup so i see why he would have any say in who she dated next
2. they broke up when they were in highschool and your brother is now 26, even if it hadn't been his own fault he should be over it
3. he has no right to decide what events you do or do not go to and you have been friends with these people for a long time
as is probably apparent i don't think adam stabbed him in the back at all i think your brother sounds like a controlling and angry person and i am glad jane got away from him.
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let me see if i have this straight…
your brother was madly in love with this girl, cheated on her, moved away and wasn’t really friends with adam any more.
after a year and a half adam and jane start dating … being in the same friend group the whole time and staying friends after your brother moved and wasn’t friends with either of them…
this was all nearly a decade ago and your brother is against you attending…?
i mean. nta but regardless of if you attend or not, maybe have a big brother talk with your bro about perspective, taking responsibility for his actions and living in the real world where life moved on.
btw, “bro code” isn’t real, especially when by your accounts he wasn’t even really friends with adam anymore.
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nta
info:: i'm going to take a guess that he cheated on her?
answer:: yes.
regardless, the couple to be wed have obviously gotten over it. it's been 8 years, your brother fucked up and he really needs to move on from it.
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nta. go to the wedding, if you're brother is upset about it that's his issue. he's being ridiculous. this happened in high school and he was the one that fucked up. they're getting married this is way past them just dating or hooking up now. he needs to get over it and move the hell on because clearly everyone else has.
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so to the question posed in the title, i am going to say ywnbta if you don't go because your brother doesn't want you to.
but you are the ta for other reasons. when your brother "made a stupid mistake" he caused jane to break up with him. they were done.
what, was jane supposed to be your brother's property? was he supposed to be able to win her back? or is she just a non-person, so adam wasn't allowed to talk to her at all? no. jane is a person. adam is a person. they didn't cheat or betray anyone. your brother is a jerk, and so are you for feeling this way.
you should not go to this wedding because you do not support the couple. yta.
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>i don’t really give a shit about adam and jane
why go to their wedding then?
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nta your brother is being ridiculous, and frankly, his behavior is a little concerning. if i read this right, he did something stupid that ended his relationship with her. i’ll assume that means he cheated on her. or stole from her. whatever it was, he is the one who did it. heck, if he didn’t do that thing, they might be working on their second kid by now. but he did it. nowhere in here does it say that adam made moves on her until she was available. so unfortunately for your brother, he doesn’t get to lay claim on the ex girlfriend that he fucked over (somehow). does it sting him to see that she is with this other guy? sure. but… he created this fiasco, not her, and not adam.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is definitely going to need some backstory and names of people. my brother (26) and i (29)are close. growing up, we became best friends with another set of brothers. like individual best friends. my best friend was (and still is) the older brother i will call jeff and my brother was very close with jeff’s brother adam. my brother dated a girl called jane from before highschool to right before their senior year ended. he loved her but he made a stupid mistake and she dumped him. my brother went out of state for college and didn’t see adam as much anymore. one thing lead to another and adam started dating jane. my brother tore adam a new one. called him a terrible friend and told him that he hates him. every time adam is brought up my brother goes on a major rant about how much he hates him and hopes the absolute worst on adam and janes relationship. according to him, adam stabbed him in the back and twisted the knife. this whole time jeff and i have remained close. i see adam time to time. i don’t talk to him a ton but i’ll be friendly and i congratulated both him and jane when they announced their engagement. now because jeff and i are best friends and i’ve known adam all my life, i have been invited to adam and janes wedding. my brother is not speaking to me right now. he isn’t speaking to me because i said i am “thinking about” going to the wedding. he is telling me i’d be a terrible brother and essentially betray him by going to this wedding. i do believe adam was probably doing some shady shit. i think it was definitely scummy of him to go after jane after her and my brother broke up. like adam and my brother were inseparable most of their lives. i agree adam stabbed him in the back. i’d go to the wedding to be there for jeff. i don’t really give a shit about adam and jane. but we know where my brother stands on all this, and he would be extremely hurt. so would i be an asshole if i go to wedding?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is definitely going to need some backstory and names of people. my brother (26) and i (29)are close. growing up, we became best friends with another set of brothers. like individual best friends. my best friend was (and still is) the older brother i will call jeff and my brother was very close with jeff’s brother adam. my brother dated a girl called jane from before highschool to right before their senior year ended. he loved her but he made a stupid mistake and she dumped him. my brother went out of state for college and didn’t see adam as much anymore. one thing lead to another and adam started dating jane. my brother tore adam a new one. called him a terrible friend and told him that he hates him. every time adam is brought up my brother goes on a major rant about how much he hates him and hopes the absolute worst on adam and janes relationship. according to him, adam stabbed him in the back and twisted the knife. this whole time jeff and i have remained close. i see adam time to time. i don’t talk to him a ton but i’ll be friendly and i congratulated both him and jane when they announced their engagement. now because jeff and i are best friends and i’ve known adam all my life, i have been invited to adam and janes wedding. my brother is not speaking to me right now. he isn’t speaking to me because i said i am “thinking about” going to the wedding. he is telling me i’d be a terrible brother and essentially betray him by going to this wedding. i do believe adam was probably doing some shady shit. i think it was definitely scummy of him to go after jane after her and my brother broke up. like adam and my brother were inseparable most of their lives. i agree adam stabbed him in the back. i’d go to the wedding to be there for jeff. i don’t really give a shit about adam and jane. but we know where my brother stands on all this, and he would be extremely hurt. so would i be an asshole if i go to wedding? [/INST] nta, and your brother’s reaction is way over the top. 1) this was *high school* — a long time ago 2) she dumped him over something he did 3) he doesn’t own her for all eternity — she and adam did nothing wrong (at least based on your post) that said, it doesn’t sound like you’re that committed to going to the wedding. i’d be concerned about enabling my brother’s manipulative behavior by canceling, but also he’s your sibling and his feeling have some weight. </s>
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AITA for telling this dude that he's creepy?
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okay so on october 10th, i [18m] met this dude on grindr who was just visiting my region. he was 19, really attractive, and his name was paul.
paul asked me on a date, i said yes. we talked a bit mode and he told me he was so happy to meet me, because back home was a very homophobic region with no lgbt people or safe spaces. after that, we both went to bed.
when i woke up my account was banned. no reason at all, grindr just bans accounts if they get enough reports, and i look super young, so i just assumed a ton of people reported thinking i was underage because this isn't the first time that this has happened to me.
unfortunately, this time, i couldn't just uninstall the app, install it again, and make a new account, grindr had permanently banned my device.
i was disappointed because along with paul there were other guys i would have liked to got to know better, but i didn't think much of it.
yesterday was october 16th, and i figured paul had already left to go back home, but he actually texted me.
when i asked how he got my number, he told me he used what little info i gave him about myself to find records online, where my number was listed.
this immediately creeped me out because i barely knew him, and this was definitely a bit far fetched to do.
i told him that he was creepy and a bit obsessive to do such a thing, but he disagreed, saying that he just wanted to get to know me before he left to go back to the disappointment at home, and this was an easily accessible and reliable way to keep in touch.
then he blew up my phone with nudes and... other stuff so i just blocked his number.
i was telling my friend about it just now and they told me i was way too harsh on the dude, because being gay is tough especically where he lives and that he probably was just desperate for a lgbt lover or at least friend.
but i still find him creepy and stand by telling him that.
so, aita?
| 638 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jcr1yt/aita_for_telling_this_dude_that_hes_creepy/
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2020-10-17 07:44:10
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nta.
he did some creepy shit. you did good noticing the red flag and protecting yourself.
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nta
that is absolutely, 100% *creepy as fuck,* your friend needs to stop making excuses for this guy.
>i was telling my friend about it just now and they told me i was way too harsh on the dude, because being gay is tough especically where he lives and that he probably was just desperate for a lgbt lover or at least friend.
lolno. "but he's probably lonely and looking for a friend or boyfriend!" is not an excuse for him sending you unsolicited nudes or other messages and definitely not for *tracking you down online* and getting your number without your permission. blocking him was absolutely the right thing to do. you do not owe this man your time or attention. you do not owe him friendship. i'm sorry it's hard for him, but *that is not your problem.* being lonely doesn't entitle him to be a creep and track you down online to send lewd messages.
this kind of shit happens to women a lot too, and the correct response is always to do exactly what you did-a clear "no, this is inappropriate, you're being creepy" and a block. i'm really sorry your friend is taking his side and i want to say, from a woman who is currently dealing with a creepy stalkery neighbour who still won't take *fuck off* for an answer-**you are not being too harsh**. you are doing exactly the right thing. stay safe out there, dude. trust your instincts, they're doing well so far.
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oh my gosh, so nta!
his behavior is beyond creepy. if this were a scenario where a man did this to a woman instead, i think most people would agree that the woman is entirely justified in ceasing contact.
i would even venture that the person you were speaking to was not who they appeared to be according to their profile. have you considered the notion that this person was attempting to groom you, then found info on you so they reported your profile knowing it could get shut down, effectively making it so you can't talk to other people on the app? this is legitimately scary shit.
always trust your gut. always. if something feels off or unsafe, it probably is.
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nta. if he wanted your number to stay in contact with you later he should’ve asked for it that night, cyber stalking isn’t cool, it’s creepy and shouldn’t be tolerated
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nta. big time.
>being gay is tough especially where he lives and that he probably was just desperate for a lgbt lover or at least friend.
he could have apologized with this \^ reasoning instead of becoming obsessive. he was a creep - just by the way he defended and acted then after. you just saved yourself from someone who appears to be manipulative, obsessive, lying creep doused in utmost self-pity of homophobia back home.
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banned on grindr -> gets personal number -> chopped to pieces in the basement
nta
he's trying to control you at best
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the second you said "he found my number" (or whatever, close enough). my eyebrows were up in my hairline and my jaw was dropped.
not ok. that takes effort. like. a lot. that's scary. nta!
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nta at all. he is a creep. a complete creep who went after your info after you declined and then decided to send you unsolicited nudes.
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nta. he's creepy.
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definitely nta here. it's one thing to look up someone's information, which is bad enough. however, he took it a step further: he actually tried to justify it, despite you saying that you weren't comfortable. then, he pushed boundaries even further by spamming you with nudes. you were in the right.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay so on october 10th, i [18m] met this dude on grindr who was just visiting my region. he was 19, really attractive, and his name was paul. paul asked me on a date, i said yes. we talked a bit mode and he told me he was so happy to meet me, because back home was a very homophobic region with no lgbt people or safe spaces. after that, we both went to bed. when i woke up my account was banned. no reason at all, grindr just bans accounts if they get enough reports, and i look super young, so i just assumed a ton of people reported thinking i was underage because this isn't the first time that this has happened to me. unfortunately, this time, i couldn't just uninstall the app, install it again, and make a new account, grindr had permanently banned my device. i was disappointed because along with paul there were other guys i would have liked to got to know better, but i didn't think much of it. yesterday was october 16th, and i figured paul had already left to go back home, but he actually texted me. when i asked how he got my number, he told me he used what little info i gave him about myself to find records online, where my number was listed. this immediately creeped me out because i barely knew him, and this was definitely a bit far fetched to do. i told him that he was creepy and a bit obsessive to do such a thing, but he disagreed, saying that he just wanted to get to know me before he left to go back to the disappointment at home, and this was an easily accessible and reliable way to keep in touch. then he blew up my phone with nudes and... other stuff so i just blocked his number. i was telling my friend about it just now and they told me i was way too harsh on the dude, because being gay is tough especically where he lives and that he probably was just desperate for a lgbt lover or at least friend. but i still find him creepy and stand by telling him that. so, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay so on october 10th, i [18m] met this dude on grindr who was just visiting my region. he was 19, really attractive, and his name was paul. paul asked me on a date, i said yes. we talked a bit mode and he told me he was so happy to meet me, because back home was a very homophobic region with no lgbt people or safe spaces. after that, we both went to bed. when i woke up my account was banned. no reason at all, grindr just bans accounts if they get enough reports, and i look super young, so i just assumed a ton of people reported thinking i was underage because this isn't the first time that this has happened to me. unfortunately, this time, i couldn't just uninstall the app, install it again, and make a new account, grindr had permanently banned my device. i was disappointed because along with paul there were other guys i would have liked to got to know better, but i didn't think much of it. yesterday was october 16th, and i figured paul had already left to go back home, but he actually texted me. when i asked how he got my number, he told me he used what little info i gave him about myself to find records online, where my number was listed. this immediately creeped me out because i barely knew him, and this was definitely a bit far fetched to do. i told him that he was creepy and a bit obsessive to do such a thing, but he disagreed, saying that he just wanted to get to know me before he left to go back to the disappointment at home, and this was an easily accessible and reliable way to keep in touch. then he blew up my phone with nudes and... other stuff so i just blocked his number. i was telling my friend about it just now and they told me i was way too harsh on the dude, because being gay is tough especically where he lives and that he probably was just desperate for a lgbt lover or at least friend. but i still find him creepy and stand by telling him that. so, aita? [/INST] nta. he did some creepy shit. you did good noticing the red flag and protecting yourself. </s>
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AITA For not telling my sis she was about to get fired?
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my (40f) sister (35f) scammed her way into working at my job. i got a job as the new vp of marketing. my sister applied and lied on her application. i told her not to say that we were related only to find out she mentioned it in her interview. (side note…i didn’t want her to mention me because my sister has bad work habits). needless to say, she got the job. 🤦🏽♀️ everything was going good but she started stealing. she stole gift cards that was meant for the new hires. she had the tech guy to move her into her own office without permission. the hr manager found out and called me in her office…to ask if i knew anything about it. of course i didn’t. i told her my sister told me they told her to move in there. who is they? no one knew and no one approved it. the gift cards never showed up. she “misplaced” them. they traced the gift cards she used them at the mall (gucci, fendi & dolce). the hr mgr told me she would be fired. two weeks go by she is still there…so i thought everything was good. one morning i got to work early and my boss called me in his office….asked me was i ok??? i said yes…may i ask why? he said i fired your sister!!! she hasn’t spoken to me since…so aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t5hnxq/aita_for_not_telling_my_sis_she_was_about_to_get/
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2022-03-03 03:10:04
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nta
in all honesty, you should have done even more to undermine your sister. you should have done damage control, being fully honest why you weren't happy with the fact that she was working there. no reason to let your sister ruin your reputation.
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nta for not telling her, but hiding she was related to you and not disclosing she was a bad worker might not look great on you. you didn’t even have to say she was a bad worker but just make no comment. people get the idea.
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nta. people who lie and steal don’t get to feign shock when they get shit canned. she didn’t care one iota that she was putting your reputation in jeopardy - so you need not give two shits that she’s angry with you over something she had coming.
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yta for not saying something when she was being hired. as someone in a senior position in your organization, you had an obligation to make sure the hiring team knew that she needed to be evaluated on her own merits, not as a favor to you.
(ideally, you also would have told them that you would not have provided her a recommendation and pointed out anything on her application that she lied about, but i understand that's a more proactive action to take.)
you should have been taking a more active role all along, not allowing her to use people and steal from your company in your name. but on the specific thing you are asking, no you are not an ah for not telling her. she didn't deserve to be told.
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[deleted]
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nta, she’s an adult and should know bad behavior has consequences.
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nta. she went against your wishes to not to be associated as her sister bc of her aforementioned bad job history. she sounds entitled to think you'd stick out your neck and risk your own professional reputation protecting a thief. she did this to herself.
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nta for not telling her that she was going to be fired. however, you should have disclosed to your employer that your sister would be applying (and provide relevant info about her competence or qualification for the job) because it’s always worse when this kind of information comes out after the fact or in this exact kind of situation.
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nta.
you're not hr. it isn't your duty to inform anyone, especially someone you're related to, that they're being fired. she had it coming and even if you did tell her she likely would have brushed it off and/or tried to take you down with her.
you did the right thing
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if there is an hr, this is not a tiny company. the sisters should not have been in a situation where one was being managed to any significant extent by the other.
pretty much everything hr has done here sucks. after they found out the vp sister knew nothing about it, they should have shut up. telling one sister that the other would be fired? wtf? how was that going to benefit anyone?
nta. but fired sister will blame it all on op anyway.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (40f) sister (35f) scammed her way into working at my job. i got a job as the new vp of marketing. my sister applied and lied on her application. i told her not to say that we were related only to find out she mentioned it in her interview. (side note…i didn’t want her to mention me because my sister has bad work habits). needless to say, she got the job. 🤦🏽♀️ everything was going good but she started stealing. she stole gift cards that was meant for the new hires. she had the tech guy to move her into her own office without permission. the hr manager found out and called me in her office…to ask if i knew anything about it. of course i didn’t. i told her my sister told me they told her to move in there. who is they? no one knew and no one approved it. the gift cards never showed up. she “misplaced” them. they traced the gift cards she used them at the mall (gucci, fendi & dolce). the hr mgr told me she would be fired. two weeks go by she is still there…so i thought everything was good. one morning i got to work early and my boss called me in his office….asked me was i ok??? i said yes…may i ask why? he said i fired your sister!!! she hasn’t spoken to me since…so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (40f) sister (35f) scammed her way into working at my job. i got a job as the new vp of marketing. my sister applied and lied on her application. i told her not to say that we were related only to find out she mentioned it in her interview. (side note…i didn’t want her to mention me because my sister has bad work habits). needless to say, she got the job. 🤦🏽♀️ everything was going good but she started stealing. she stole gift cards that was meant for the new hires. she had the tech guy to move her into her own office without permission. the hr manager found out and called me in her office…to ask if i knew anything about it. of course i didn’t. i told her my sister told me they told her to move in there. who is they? no one knew and no one approved it. the gift cards never showed up. she “misplaced” them. they traced the gift cards she used them at the mall (gucci, fendi & dolce). the hr mgr told me she would be fired. two weeks go by she is still there…so i thought everything was good. one morning i got to work early and my boss called me in his office….asked me was i ok??? i said yes…may i ask why? he said i fired your sister!!! she hasn’t spoken to me since…so aita? [/INST] nta in all honesty, you should have done even more to undermine your sister. you should have done damage control, being fully honest why you weren't happy with the fact that she was working there. no reason to let your sister ruin your reputation. </s>
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AITA for disowning my step-siblings after their father died?
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so i have six step-siblings and one biological brother. i’ve never had a great relationship with my step-siblings but my brother and i have always been super close.
back in may, my stepfather passed away. we’d had quite a bit of a rocky relationship over the years, and i had a lot of issues dealing with my emotions over it. my mother was absolutely heartbroken and i did my best to be there for her during her grief.
my step-siblings however, were a bit mixed. most of them blamed my mother for his death. he had a heart attack and she wasn’t there when it happened. she found him after the fact hours later and even tried to give him cpr though he was long gone by that point. they tore into her, calling her a useless fat cow and that they hoped she was happy now that their father was gone and they could never repair their relationship with him now and it was all her fault. one of my step-sisters, who we’ll call a, though clung to her and said she’d be with her through everything.
this sister has issues though and i knew it wouldn’t last. i told my mom to be wary of her and my mom told me that a would never abandon her and that it was fine.
it wasn’t. my mother ended up moving out of the house which my sister lives next door to. we spent one weekend getting the essentials out of the house (a didn’t help) and my mom moves into a single bed apartment. we took a while getting back to the house to move the rest of the stuff out as it hurt my mom too much to go back and see everything. i couldn’t get out there a lot because i was working long hours.
a flipped out. started calling my mom names and saying that she needed to get off her ass and clean that house out and get rid of the broken down cars in the yard as they made her sad because they were her dad’s. said that my mother was a useless excuse for a human and she was the reason my father (who died when i was young) and her father were both dead.
i flipped out. i told her that i was sorry she was grieving for her father and that i understood, but that she was way out of line and being a bitch to someone who just lost their husband. we got into a huge fight and i ended up telling her to have a nice life and blocked her on all forms of social media as well as all of my other step-siblings.
recently though some friends and other family of mine told me that i overreacted and that i shouldn’t have kicked all of them out of my life because they were all just hurting and didn’t mean what they said. i told them that i was tired of their toxic behavior and didn’t want the stress anymore.
they’re all calling me an asshole and telling me that ‘family is family’ and that i can’t just cut them out of my life when they’re already grieving.
so, aita for disowning my step-siblings after their father died?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i4ydum/aita_for_disowning_my_stepsiblings_after_their/
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2020-08-06 19:27:17
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nta - these people are living garbage. you should cut contact with them entirely.
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[deleted]
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nta. so family is family doesn’t apply to your step siblings and their treatment of your mother? anyone who says that is an asshole. so are your step siblings.
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nta. the priority for you is your family — that is your mother and your biological brother. your step siblings are no longer your family if they keep harassing your mom.
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nta. "family is family" is basically always an excuse to treat someone like shit, and that's bullshit. no one owes anything to a shitty family.
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nta
your siblings are terrible people. you, your biological brother, and your mom deserve better than them.
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nta.
they sound like parasites. and they sound like they are ready to place blame and crucify anyone. distance yourself, there's no need to expose yourself to this toxicity.
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nta. "family is family" is just an excuse for shitty people who want to be forgiven for shitty behavior.
perhaps you want to give them an opportunity to contact you in case one of them changes their tune and wants to apologize, but that's your prerogative imo.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i have six step-siblings and one biological brother. i’ve never had a great relationship with my step-siblings but my brother and i have always been super close. back in may, my stepfather passed away. we’d had quite a bit of a rocky relationship over the years, and i had a lot of issues dealing with my emotions over it. my mother was absolutely heartbroken and i did my best to be there for her during her grief. my step-siblings however, were a bit mixed. most of them blamed my mother for his death. he had a heart attack and she wasn’t there when it happened. she found him after the fact hours later and even tried to give him cpr though he was long gone by that point. they tore into her, calling her a useless fat cow and that they hoped she was happy now that their father was gone and they could never repair their relationship with him now and it was all her fault. one of my step-sisters, who we’ll call a, though clung to her and said she’d be with her through everything. this sister has issues though and i knew it wouldn’t last. i told my mom to be wary of her and my mom told me that a would never abandon her and that it was fine. it wasn’t. my mother ended up moving out of the house which my sister lives next door to. we spent one weekend getting the essentials out of the house (a didn’t help) and my mom moves into a single bed apartment. we took a while getting back to the house to move the rest of the stuff out as it hurt my mom too much to go back and see everything. i couldn’t get out there a lot because i was working long hours. a flipped out. started calling my mom names and saying that she needed to get off her ass and clean that house out and get rid of the broken down cars in the yard as they made her sad because they were her dad’s. said that my mother was a useless excuse for a human and she was the reason my father (who died when i was young) and her father were both dead. i flipped out. i told her that i was sorry she was grieving for her father and that i understood, but that she was way out of line and being a bitch to someone who just lost their husband. we got into a huge fight and i ended up telling her to have a nice life and blocked her on all forms of social media as well as all of my other step-siblings. recently though some friends and other family of mine told me that i overreacted and that i shouldn’t have kicked all of them out of my life because they were all just hurting and didn’t mean what they said. i told them that i was tired of their toxic behavior and didn’t want the stress anymore. they’re all calling me an asshole and telling me that ‘family is family’ and that i can’t just cut them out of my life when they’re already grieving. so, aita for disowning my step-siblings after their father died?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i have six step-siblings and one biological brother. i’ve never had a great relationship with my step-siblings but my brother and i have always been super close. back in may, my stepfather passed away. we’d had quite a bit of a rocky relationship over the years, and i had a lot of issues dealing with my emotions over it. my mother was absolutely heartbroken and i did my best to be there for her during her grief. my step-siblings however, were a bit mixed. most of them blamed my mother for his death. he had a heart attack and she wasn’t there when it happened. she found him after the fact hours later and even tried to give him cpr though he was long gone by that point. they tore into her, calling her a useless fat cow and that they hoped she was happy now that their father was gone and they could never repair their relationship with him now and it was all her fault. one of my step-sisters, who we’ll call a, though clung to her and said she’d be with her through everything. this sister has issues though and i knew it wouldn’t last. i told my mom to be wary of her and my mom told me that a would never abandon her and that it was fine. it wasn’t. my mother ended up moving out of the house which my sister lives next door to. we spent one weekend getting the essentials out of the house (a didn’t help) and my mom moves into a single bed apartment. we took a while getting back to the house to move the rest of the stuff out as it hurt my mom too much to go back and see everything. i couldn’t get out there a lot because i was working long hours. a flipped out. started calling my mom names and saying that she needed to get off her ass and clean that house out and get rid of the broken down cars in the yard as they made her sad because they were her dad’s. said that my mother was a useless excuse for a human and she was the reason my father (who died when i was young) and her father were both dead. i flipped out. i told her that i was sorry she was grieving for her father and that i understood, but that she was way out of line and being a bitch to someone who just lost their husband. we got into a huge fight and i ended up telling her to have a nice life and blocked her on all forms of social media as well as all of my other step-siblings. recently though some friends and other family of mine told me that i overreacted and that i shouldn’t have kicked all of them out of my life because they were all just hurting and didn’t mean what they said. i told them that i was tired of their toxic behavior and didn’t want the stress anymore. they’re all calling me an asshole and telling me that ‘family is family’ and that i can’t just cut them out of my life when they’re already grieving. so, aita for disowning my step-siblings after their father died? [/INST] nta - these people are living garbage. you should cut contact with them entirely. </s>
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AITA For not allowing my cousin have a father for her wedding?
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i (22f) have a cousin who we’ll call elsa (22f), she’s is getting married in 2024 because the venue only has an opening until then and that way she can save up for a big wedding.
some backstory to make it more understandable, elsa has for lack of better term, daddy issues. when we were growing up she’d always date older men, infantilize herself, she’d get angry whenever anyone she saw seemed to have a good relationship with their dad. she’s tried contacting her own dad, only to no avail.
i’m probably really lucky because i have a complete family and my own dad is really close to me, i would describe myself as a daddy’s girl. i could feel that elsa was quite jealous of me growing up, and i did my best to cater to her, i’d tell my dad not to not hug me or ignore me when i’m around her, at family gatherings i wouldn’t be around him so much, i didn’t go to our school’s father-daughter dance because of elsa.
elsa then asked my dad to be her “father” for the wedding. she asked him to walk her down the aisle, do the father daughter dance, do the speech. here’s the thing though, she wants him to act like he is her bio dad the entire time, pretend he raised her, when her mom is the one who raised her, pretend she’s his daughter and not niece, its really odd.
my dad did not give a definitive answer since he’s asking my mom and i how we feel about all this. my mom and i find it incredibly uncomfortable for my dad to do all this for her wedding. i would’ve been okay for her and my dad to walk down the aisle to in her words, “give her away”. however pretending he’s her bio dad is weird because he’d pretend to do it with his sister, also, they have a very uncle and niece relationship, they aren’t super close. i told my dad to please not do it since its uncomfortable and that he could walk her down the aisle and do the father daughter dance, just please don’t pretend you’re her bio dad.
well elsa found out, she’s livid. she said i had my dad all of my life and she can’t have him just for her wedding day, she’s saying i’m being an ah, a desperate hog, among other things. i’m feeling guilty because she wants to print the invites for people to save the date so she can put my dad's name as the father of the bride name. i’m not sure anymore because it’s been keeping me up all night and i really want to empathize with her, aita here?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ws5z6k/aita_for_not_allowing_my_cousin_have_a_father_for/
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2022-08-19 05:49:58
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nta that’s creepy as fuck
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nta; for her wedding gift, give elsa the contact info for every therapist in your area. her daddy issues are not her fault, but they are her responsibility to deal with.
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[deleted]
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no, you're nta. him walking her down the aisle and "giving her away" is a normal thing for an uncle to do when there's no bio-dad in the picture. but _pretending_ to be the bio-dad is unreasonable and creepy. it's really, _really_ bizarre, and unhealthy for elsa too.
what does elsa's fiance (the groom) think about all this?? what would he tell his family? your dad can't pretend without telling them the truth - they'll find out as soon as the next family event happens anyway, and blame your **dad** for the deception.
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nta, she’s not entitled to your father. her asking him and having his name on her invitations is just weird. she doesn’t need a substitute father, she needs therapy to sort out her daddy issues. also, it’s kind of mean to her mother who raised her alone. she can have her mother’s name on the invitations, have her mother walk her down the aisle and do a ”mother daughter dance” instead. i’m sure her mother would love it.
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nta
asking your father to pretend the entire wedding he's her bio dad is very very wrong. if she really wants a pretend-dad, i'm sure she can find some actor to do it as a job.
she should honor her mother and don't mention any dad on the invites.
your uncle can walk her down the aisle as who he is: her uncle.
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nta. i think you have been very accommodating and patient with her these last few years, especially since you are a daddy's girl. you didn't even do your own father-daughter dance with him. she is pushing the limits by trying to get your father to act as her bio father. i think it's sweet that you're letting your dad walk her down the aisle and have their daddy-daughter dance, but acting like he's her biological is pretty messed up. does she really want to lie to the guests like that? also, this will definitely make people uncomfortable and question things in your family. i don't think sweet home alabama's the theme they want going in their wedding day.
having an absent parenting can really mess you up and hurt you for life, but it's no excuse to make elaborate schemes like this. also, why can't her mother walk her down the aisle, having a mommy-daughter dance, etc. instead? i think that would be just as special and memorable.
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nta
i wouldn't want someone who isn't like a sibling to have child-father moments with my dad, especially if i had sacrificed these moments to make that person comfortable.
let alone the insanity of pretending he's her real dad... if i was in your dad's shoes i'd be skipping the wedding and going low contact for a while after her outburst to you. this whole situation is off.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (22f) have a cousin who we’ll call elsa (22f), she’s is getting married in 2024 because the venue only has an opening until then and that way she can save up for a big wedding. some backstory to make it more understandable, elsa has for lack of better term, daddy issues. when we were growing up she’d always date older men, infantilize herself, she’d get angry whenever anyone she saw seemed to have a good relationship with their dad. she’s tried contacting her own dad, only to no avail. i’m probably really lucky because i have a complete family and my own dad is really close to me, i would describe myself as a daddy’s girl. i could feel that elsa was quite jealous of me growing up, and i did my best to cater to her, i’d tell my dad not to not hug me or ignore me when i’m around her, at family gatherings i wouldn’t be around him so much, i didn’t go to our school’s father-daughter dance because of elsa. elsa then asked my dad to be her “father” for the wedding. she asked him to walk her down the aisle, do the father daughter dance, do the speech. here’s the thing though, she wants him to act like he is her bio dad the entire time, pretend he raised her, when her mom is the one who raised her, pretend she’s his daughter and not niece, its really odd. my dad did not give a definitive answer since he’s asking my mom and i how we feel about all this. my mom and i find it incredibly uncomfortable for my dad to do all this for her wedding. i would’ve been okay for her and my dad to walk down the aisle to in her words, “give her away”. however pretending he’s her bio dad is weird because he’d pretend to do it with his sister, also, they have a very uncle and niece relationship, they aren’t super close. i told my dad to please not do it since its uncomfortable and that he could walk her down the aisle and do the father daughter dance, just please don’t pretend you’re her bio dad. well elsa found out, she’s livid. she said i had my dad all of my life and she can’t have him just for her wedding day, she’s saying i’m being an ah, a desperate hog, among other things. i’m feeling guilty because she wants to print the invites for people to save the date so she can put my dad's name as the father of the bride name. i’m not sure anymore because it’s been keeping me up all night and i really want to empathize with her, aita here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (22f) have a cousin who we’ll call elsa (22f), she’s is getting married in 2024 because the venue only has an opening until then and that way she can save up for a big wedding. some backstory to make it more understandable, elsa has for lack of better term, daddy issues. when we were growing up she’d always date older men, infantilize herself, she’d get angry whenever anyone she saw seemed to have a good relationship with their dad. she’s tried contacting her own dad, only to no avail. i’m probably really lucky because i have a complete family and my own dad is really close to me, i would describe myself as a daddy’s girl. i could feel that elsa was quite jealous of me growing up, and i did my best to cater to her, i’d tell my dad not to not hug me or ignore me when i’m around her, at family gatherings i wouldn’t be around him so much, i didn’t go to our school’s father-daughter dance because of elsa. elsa then asked my dad to be her “father” for the wedding. she asked him to walk her down the aisle, do the father daughter dance, do the speech. here’s the thing though, she wants him to act like he is her bio dad the entire time, pretend he raised her, when her mom is the one who raised her, pretend she’s his daughter and not niece, its really odd. my dad did not give a definitive answer since he’s asking my mom and i how we feel about all this. my mom and i find it incredibly uncomfortable for my dad to do all this for her wedding. i would’ve been okay for her and my dad to walk down the aisle to in her words, “give her away”. however pretending he’s her bio dad is weird because he’d pretend to do it with his sister, also, they have a very uncle and niece relationship, they aren’t super close. i told my dad to please not do it since its uncomfortable and that he could walk her down the aisle and do the father daughter dance, just please don’t pretend you’re her bio dad. well elsa found out, she’s livid. she said i had my dad all of my life and she can’t have him just for her wedding day, she’s saying i’m being an ah, a desperate hog, among other things. i’m feeling guilty because she wants to print the invites for people to save the date so she can put my dad's name as the father of the bride name. i’m not sure anymore because it’s been keeping me up all night and i really want to empathize with her, aita here? [/INST] nta that’s creepy as fuck </s>
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AITA for letting my kid quit a High School sport potentially causing a chain reaction of other quitters?
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my kid (15) is currently playing on the jv team at their high school. they have played this sport since they were 6. up until this past season, they loved playing it.
this year has been not fun for them for a multitude of reasons.
some players last year were told they were going to be on varsity, even though its supposed to be merit based. the kids selected were all part of the same parent/kid clique group.
the jv team does not get the resources due to them. all parents pay the same about in fees, but practice times / turf locations go to varsity. there is an assistant coach that is supposed to split time between the teams, but never does. they got extra gear for the varsity team, but have made jv parents pick up the tab for jv necessities.
then there is also the outright disrespect, the jv team is expected to attend the varsity games, but then the varsity team leaves afterwards. they use the jv team as gofers and have then run errands during the varsity games. no picture, video or announcers at their games.
so my kid has basically had it and told the coach they are going to quit the team. they are not having fun and feel disrespected. some teammates found out and now they are quitting too. the total number of players quitting is 11. this means that the jv team is basically dead. i would not say that my kid is the mastermind, but all of the ones quitting are close friends. they said if my kid goes back, the rest will follow.
the coaches are livid and parents are pretty pissed off.
the coaches and athletic director talked to my kid letting down the team by quitting. they would have to take varsity players and have them play jv now. it would probably wreck both teams. my kid said they would think about it over the weekend, but they probably would not change their mind. the coaches reached out to me and i told them the decision was up to my kid. what they are seeing is a result of their management of both teams.
i have had other parents reach out to ask me to force my kid to play and i have said the decision is up to them. some were pissed because their kids will be playing on jv. i told them that i really don't care because of the shitty environment.
other jv parents are threating to go to the school board and raise hell because of what has come to light.
my kid has told me they would play if i wanted them to and finish out the season, which is not even at the half way point. i told them final decision is up to them.
i have been called out, not by name but everyone knows its me, on the town unofficial facebook page. i am not on facebook so i don't care, however some parents are saying that their kids are being punished now and i could fix it.
so, aita for not asking my kid to play and preventing the teams from imploding and mass exodus of players.
| 1,344 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ueuzrk/aita_for_letting_my_kid_quit_a_high_school_sport/
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2022-04-29 20:37:53
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nta...looks like the school/coaches reaped what they sowed. and the idea that varsity players will have to drop down to jv is something i've never heard of.
in my area the jv team would just be disbanded and any future games would be forfeited.
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nta
"what they are seeing is a result of their management of both teams." yep, and the adult coaches are trying to get you to pressure your kid so that they don't have to fix their own behavior. they, and the other shitty parents are making this about the kids not wanting to keep doing something that is not fun and denigrating to them, instead of their own mismanagement.
it sucks, though, that in a sports-deranged small town, these bullies have this kind of power. you and your kids, and the other ones who want to leave need to be prepared for their mean girl bullshit and push back on it.
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nta school sports are a huge commitment of time and energy and discipline, and the payoff is fun and camaraderie and a sense of accomplishment. but bad coaching, unfair treatment or poor management can ruin it.
your son's withdrawal may have been the tipping point, but the fact that 10 other kids followed him shows loud and clear that the mistreatment of the jv team was both real and serious. him going back with no substantive changes would send the wrong message. at minimum he needs to present in writing a list of 5 or 10 deficiencies and unfair practices which have demotivated him and others on the team, and ask school management to develop a plan to address them. even if he doesn't go back, he should advocate for better treatment of future jv players.
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your kid is not a slave. sports are supposed to be enjoyable.
you're a good parent: listening to your son.
the other parents are responsible for their own kids, not yours.
peer pressure is ridiculous at any age.
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“some were pissed their kids will be playing on jv”
sounds like they were fine with the jv team being treated like shit until they realized they’d be treated like shit. nta.
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nta. maybe they should deal with the hazing and toxic environment
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nta.
if they can change the rules, so can you. you're probably doing a good deed for the future of the team, if there is one.
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nta. the jv kids are financially subsidising and acting as servants for a varsity in-group. it is straightforwardly unjust. op’s kid is now making the world a better place by standing up against exploitation. they should keep up the good work, and resist the temptation to give in.
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nta. you didn't cause anything, they did. they failed the kids. you did the right thing for your child. it sucks but can you honestly say you'd force your kid to keep doing it to help some people you don't know keep their egos.
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nta. the adults let down the kids by showing blatant favoritism and behaving as if only one group mattered.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my kid (15) is currently playing on the jv team at their high school. they have played this sport since they were 6. up until this past season, they loved playing it. this year has been not fun for them for a multitude of reasons. some players last year were told they were going to be on varsity, even though its supposed to be merit based. the kids selected were all part of the same parent/kid clique group. the jv team does not get the resources due to them. all parents pay the same about in fees, but practice times / turf locations go to varsity. there is an assistant coach that is supposed to split time between the teams, but never does. they got extra gear for the varsity team, but have made jv parents pick up the tab for jv necessities. then there is also the outright disrespect, the jv team is expected to attend the varsity games, but then the varsity team leaves afterwards. they use the jv team as gofers and have then run errands during the varsity games. no picture, video or announcers at their games. so my kid has basically had it and told the coach they are going to quit the team. they are not having fun and feel disrespected. some teammates found out and now they are quitting too. the total number of players quitting is 11. this means that the jv team is basically dead. i would not say that my kid is the mastermind, but all of the ones quitting are close friends. they said if my kid goes back, the rest will follow. the coaches are livid and parents are pretty pissed off. the coaches and athletic director talked to my kid letting down the team by quitting. they would have to take varsity players and have them play jv now. it would probably wreck both teams. my kid said they would think about it over the weekend, but they probably would not change their mind. the coaches reached out to me and i told them the decision was up to my kid. what they are seeing is a result of their management of both teams. i have had other parents reach out to ask me to force my kid to play and i have said the decision is up to them. some were pissed because their kids will be playing on jv. i told them that i really don't care because of the shitty environment. other jv parents are threating to go to the school board and raise hell because of what has come to light. my kid has told me they would play if i wanted them to and finish out the season, which is not even at the half way point. i told them final decision is up to them. i have been called out, not by name but everyone knows its me, on the town unofficial facebook page. i am not on facebook so i don't care, however some parents are saying that their kids are being punished now and i could fix it. so, aita for not asking my kid to play and preventing the teams from imploding and mass exodus of players.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my kid (15) is currently playing on the jv team at their high school. they have played this sport since they were 6. up until this past season, they loved playing it. this year has been not fun for them for a multitude of reasons. some players last year were told they were going to be on varsity, even though its supposed to be merit based. the kids selected were all part of the same parent/kid clique group. the jv team does not get the resources due to them. all parents pay the same about in fees, but practice times / turf locations go to varsity. there is an assistant coach that is supposed to split time between the teams, but never does. they got extra gear for the varsity team, but have made jv parents pick up the tab for jv necessities. then there is also the outright disrespect, the jv team is expected to attend the varsity games, but then the varsity team leaves afterwards. they use the jv team as gofers and have then run errands during the varsity games. no picture, video or announcers at their games. so my kid has basically had it and told the coach they are going to quit the team. they are not having fun and feel disrespected. some teammates found out and now they are quitting too. the total number of players quitting is 11. this means that the jv team is basically dead. i would not say that my kid is the mastermind, but all of the ones quitting are close friends. they said if my kid goes back, the rest will follow. the coaches are livid and parents are pretty pissed off. the coaches and athletic director talked to my kid letting down the team by quitting. they would have to take varsity players and have them play jv now. it would probably wreck both teams. my kid said they would think about it over the weekend, but they probably would not change their mind. the coaches reached out to me and i told them the decision was up to my kid. what they are seeing is a result of their management of both teams. i have had other parents reach out to ask me to force my kid to play and i have said the decision is up to them. some were pissed because their kids will be playing on jv. i told them that i really don't care because of the shitty environment. other jv parents are threating to go to the school board and raise hell because of what has come to light. my kid has told me they would play if i wanted them to and finish out the season, which is not even at the half way point. i told them final decision is up to them. i have been called out, not by name but everyone knows its me, on the town unofficial facebook page. i am not on facebook so i don't care, however some parents are saying that their kids are being punished now and i could fix it. so, aita for not asking my kid to play and preventing the teams from imploding and mass exodus of players. [/INST] nta...looks like the school/coaches reaped what they sowed. and the idea that varsity players will have to drop down to jv is something i've never heard of. in my area the jv team would just be disbanded and any future games would be forfeited. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my vacation to be a family reunion?
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background, my (26f) bf (27m) and i have been together for almost 5 years. our last two anniversaries (in march) we flew to fl to stay at my nanna’s snowbird condo (she stays there jan-apr every year).
it’s perfect because we only pay flights and activities, without paying to stay there, and i adore my nanna (as does my bf) so it’s been a great way to spend a week with her.
this past trip my sister and her bf (both 24) invited themselves even though i didn’t tell them the exact dates we’d be there, then my parents booked flights and all of them came the same dates we were (even tho it was my moms 3rd trip in as many months). at first i thought it’d be fine as i told my mom explicitly this was my vacation not a family one, and we’d spend some time together but the point was mine and my bf’s plans are ours alone. she claimed she was okay with it but we spent half the trip arguing over daily plans and how we weren’t spending enough time together as a family (sigh). plus how late we stay up/sleep, how we need to get outside more, why are we doing this instead of that, etc.
my bf and i agreed that next year we would just go ourselves, since the first year when it was just us (plus nanna of course) was absolutely perfect.
my mom has already been mentioning how that trip can become a yearly reunion for all of us, since my bf and i now live across the country from them. i haven’t outright told her no yet (we’ve been fighting about an upcoming trip in 2 weeks so didn’t see the need to fight about one in 8 months also) and i’ve just been changing the subject when it comes up. i fully intend to have that discussion once this other argumentative trip is over.
but aita for not wanting my annual anniversary trip to become the new family reunion? and just wanting it to be about my bf and i spending a week together with my dear nanna?
edit to add: the trip wouldn’t be until march 2021, if it is deemed safe at that time.
edit 2: just to be clear, my parents visited me across the country (prepandemic) for nearly a week almost every month for 7 months. so we def get enough family time. also the only reason i act like i have “veto power” on if they come to my nanna’s condo is bc my mom has been asking me if it’s okay if she makes it a reunion every year for us all.
**thank you all for your comments/ideas/etc, i’ll post an update with how the convo goes!**
| 1,872 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hvbxks/aita_for_not_wanting_my_vacation_to_be_a_family/
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2020-07-21 17:40:53
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nta, it’s not a vacation if you need a vacation after the vacation.
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nta for wanting your anniversary to be special and whatever you want it to be. your mom probably won’t handle hearing that well though. maybe plan the family vacation to visit your nanna in january instead and then you can have your anniversary trip in march. she might appreciate the extra company.
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nta! it’s your anniversary trip! they can find literally any other time of the year to do a family trip. and also, that many people probably shouldn’t be vacationing at your nana’s place anyways, unless she specifically invited them. i can see her getting overwhelmed very quickly if this isn’t what she wants.
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nta but if you are it’s because your whole family is likely stressing your nana out. has anyone considered a woman who is a grandmother might not want six more people at her place during a pandemic?
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i mean, i'm jealous of all these vacations y'all get but uh, nah. think your family is being a bit tone deaf but i wouldn't say they're being jerks until they respond poorly to the definite boundary you'll place during your upcoming conversation regarding next year's anniversary trip.
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nta. i’ve been in similar situations where family makes the assumption and tries to itinerary an entire trip and i like to mostly lounge when i’m on vacation. i didn’t go on vacation to have my whole day planned, if i wanted that i’d go to work
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honestly this sounds like it could all be solved if you just get your own hotel room. nta but this sounds easily fixable
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thank you for all the comments and votes everyone! i’m sure it seems cut and dry but i was feeling so guilty, y’all really helped out! :)
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nta
thinking of having a family reunion trip is nice and all but it's not for everyone, esp not on your anniversary. (not during the current times either...) it seems like your family is in dire need of some firmly set boundaries.
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null | 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: background, my (26f) bf (27m) and i have been together for almost 5 years. our last two anniversaries (in march) we flew to fl to stay at my nanna’s snowbird condo (she stays there jan-apr every year). it’s perfect because we only pay flights and activities, without paying to stay there, and i adore my nanna (as does my bf) so it’s been a great way to spend a week with her. this past trip my sister and her bf (both 24) invited themselves even though i didn’t tell them the exact dates we’d be there, then my parents booked flights and all of them came the same dates we were (even tho it was my moms 3rd trip in as many months). at first i thought it’d be fine as i told my mom explicitly this was my vacation not a family one, and we’d spend some time together but the point was mine and my bf’s plans are ours alone. she claimed she was okay with it but we spent half the trip arguing over daily plans and how we weren’t spending enough time together as a family (sigh). plus how late we stay up/sleep, how we need to get outside more, why are we doing this instead of that, etc. my bf and i agreed that next year we would just go ourselves, since the first year when it was just us (plus nanna of course) was absolutely perfect. my mom has already been mentioning how that trip can become a yearly reunion for all of us, since my bf and i now live across the country from them. i haven’t outright told her no yet (we’ve been fighting about an upcoming trip in 2 weeks so didn’t see the need to fight about one in 8 months also) and i’ve just been changing the subject when it comes up. i fully intend to have that discussion once this other argumentative trip is over. but aita for not wanting my annual anniversary trip to become the new family reunion? and just wanting it to be about my bf and i spending a week together with my dear nanna? edit to add: the trip wouldn’t be until march 2021, if it is deemed safe at that time. edit 2: just to be clear, my parents visited me across the country (prepandemic) for nearly a week almost every month for 7 months. so we def get enough family time. also the only reason i act like i have “veto power” on if they come to my nanna’s condo is bc my mom has been asking me if it’s okay if she makes it a reunion every year for us all. **thank you all for your comments/ideas/etc, i’ll post an update with how the convo goes!**
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
background, my (26f) bf (27m) and i have been together for almost 5 years. our last two anniversaries (in march) we flew to fl to stay at my nanna’s snowbird condo (she stays there jan-apr every year). it’s perfect because we only pay flights and activities, without paying to stay there, and i adore my nanna (as does my bf) so it’s been a great way to spend a week with her. this past trip my sister and her bf (both 24) invited themselves even though i didn’t tell them the exact dates we’d be there, then my parents booked flights and all of them came the same dates we were (even tho it was my moms 3rd trip in as many months). at first i thought it’d be fine as i told my mom explicitly this was my vacation not a family one, and we’d spend some time together but the point was mine and my bf’s plans are ours alone. she claimed she was okay with it but we spent half the trip arguing over daily plans and how we weren’t spending enough time together as a family (sigh). plus how late we stay up/sleep, how we need to get outside more, why are we doing this instead of that, etc. my bf and i agreed that next year we would just go ourselves, since the first year when it was just us (plus nanna of course) was absolutely perfect. my mom has already been mentioning how that trip can become a yearly reunion for all of us, since my bf and i now live across the country from them. i haven’t outright told her no yet (we’ve been fighting about an upcoming trip in 2 weeks so didn’t see the need to fight about one in 8 months also) and i’ve just been changing the subject when it comes up. i fully intend to have that discussion once this other argumentative trip is over. but aita for not wanting my annual anniversary trip to become the new family reunion? and just wanting it to be about my bf and i spending a week together with my dear nanna? edit to add: the trip wouldn’t be until march 2021, if it is deemed safe at that time. edit 2: just to be clear, my parents visited me across the country (prepandemic) for nearly a week almost every month for 7 months. so we def get enough family time. also the only reason i act like i have “veto power” on if they come to my nanna’s condo is bc my mom has been asking me if it’s okay if she makes it a reunion every year for us all. **thank you all for your comments/ideas/etc, i’ll post an update with how the convo goes!** [/INST] nta, it’s not a vacation if you need a vacation after the vacation. </s>
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AITA For not holding a baby
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my partner and i recently went to get together of her friends and some of their friends (about 30-40 people). one of her friends recently had a baby so she was their with the new born and her partner. i don't really know them. there was a woman there who was doting all over this baby and took her from the parents. she then began going around the party and asking everyone to hold her. after she was about halfway around she got to me and extended the baby out to me. i declined and said 'no thank you'. like i said, i don't really know the parents and i really don't think it's appropriate for a baby to be handed around a room of people like a joint it's at a high school party. she seemed confused as though she thought maybe i didn't understand her intent so she asked 'do you want to hold the baby?'. again i said no. she then kept pressing and asked me a further 4 times. i got annoyed and eventually said 'are you deaf? i said no'. she then shoved the baby into the arms of the guy i was talking to and stormed out of the room.
girlfriend thinks i was being a dick, ruined the gathering, and should have just held her. if i were the parents i wouldn't want my child given around to every person in the room. what if people are sick? no one present seemed to care and i really don't think it affected the occasion at all. i did however overhear the woman multiple times telling others how i was rude to her and must have some kind of problem.
| 1,078 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q8yaip/aita_for_not_holding_a_baby/
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2021-10-15 21:47:56
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nta. you politely declined several times and this woman was pushing her agenda on you. not everyone wants to hold the baby and really where were the parents? nobody should be passing a baby around the room. risky behavior. you are not to blame. the woman was the rude one.
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nta - stopped reading at 30-40 people gathering and newborn. the parents are the ah for exposing their baby to potential illness in the middle of a pandemic.
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nta
your girlfriend is an ah, the woman is an ah and the parents of the baby are ah. you and the baby are most definitely not ah.
i dont hold babies, and i love them, unless the parents themselves offer and i am close to the parents. if some stranger is passing a baby around i dont know that she isnt screwing the parent's boundaries and i will not contribute to the violation of people's boundaries. covid is still going around and babies do not have a robust immune system so i would not want to contribute to contaminating the baby.
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nta, where were baby's parents in this situation? i agree, newborns shouldn't just be passed around like a toy, especially during the youknowwhat and almost flu season...
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nta. i hate holding babies. a lot of people do. i don't understand why they were so pushy about it, and the woman who wouldn't take no for an answer was the one who ruined the gathering.
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nta. my general rule of thumb is: ask (refuse) politely. then ask (refuse) politely again. after that, all bets are off. i get why gf might be miffed because the final reply was harsh, but it was not unwarranted. that lady was way out of line. not everyone wants to hold some rando baby.
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nta
you have boundaries, others must respect them. also what are those parents doing allowing someone to just go around with the child like it's a bowl of chips, especially during covid
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nta and i wouldn’t even pass around my newborn baby in public *before* the global pandemic, much less now. she was 100% the ah, in more ways than one.
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nta. some people really have trouble understanding why others are not as excited about this new life that they love so much that they loose perspective. it sounds like you turned her down several times and only got annoyed when they ignored your stated preference.
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nta. wtf is wrong with people? there's a world wide pandemic going on so let's pass a baby around like a cheese and cracker tray to a roomful of strangers. seems like a good idea. what could ever go wrong?
apart from the current world wide health crisis, the only infant i liked holding was my own. i suppose that makes me weird being female and all that, but i just don't see the need. now, if it's a puppy or kitty, i'll knock my own mother out of the way to get my hands on 'em.
that lady was out of line. and your gf may not be too far behind her.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my partner and i recently went to get together of her friends and some of their friends (about 30-40 people). one of her friends recently had a baby so she was their with the new born and her partner. i don't really know them. there was a woman there who was doting all over this baby and took her from the parents. she then began going around the party and asking everyone to hold her. after she was about halfway around she got to me and extended the baby out to me. i declined and said 'no thank you'. like i said, i don't really know the parents and i really don't think it's appropriate for a baby to be handed around a room of people like a joint it's at a high school party. she seemed confused as though she thought maybe i didn't understand her intent so she asked 'do you want to hold the baby?'. again i said no. she then kept pressing and asked me a further 4 times. i got annoyed and eventually said 'are you deaf? i said no'. she then shoved the baby into the arms of the guy i was talking to and stormed out of the room. girlfriend thinks i was being a dick, ruined the gathering, and should have just held her. if i were the parents i wouldn't want my child given around to every person in the room. what if people are sick? no one present seemed to care and i really don't think it affected the occasion at all. i did however overhear the woman multiple times telling others how i was rude to her and must have some kind of problem.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my partner and i recently went to get together of her friends and some of their friends (about 30-40 people). one of her friends recently had a baby so she was their with the new born and her partner. i don't really know them. there was a woman there who was doting all over this baby and took her from the parents. she then began going around the party and asking everyone to hold her. after she was about halfway around she got to me and extended the baby out to me. i declined and said 'no thank you'. like i said, i don't really know the parents and i really don't think it's appropriate for a baby to be handed around a room of people like a joint it's at a high school party. she seemed confused as though she thought maybe i didn't understand her intent so she asked 'do you want to hold the baby?'. again i said no. she then kept pressing and asked me a further 4 times. i got annoyed and eventually said 'are you deaf? i said no'. she then shoved the baby into the arms of the guy i was talking to and stormed out of the room. girlfriend thinks i was being a dick, ruined the gathering, and should have just held her. if i were the parents i wouldn't want my child given around to every person in the room. what if people are sick? no one present seemed to care and i really don't think it affected the occasion at all. i did however overhear the woman multiple times telling others how i was rude to her and must have some kind of problem. [/INST] nta. you politely declined several times and this woman was pushing her agenda on you. not everyone wants to hold the baby and really where were the parents? nobody should be passing a baby around the room. risky behavior. you are not to blame. the woman was the rude one. </s>
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AITA for picking my mother of the groom dress before the mother of the bride?
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my (52f) son, mark (27m) is getting married next spring. his fiance, allie (26f), is great and very laid back and calm about the wedding and the details. my husband and i are paying for a lot of the wedding if that matters. allie got her dress about 2 months ago so now it is her mother's turn to pick a dress. the thing is her mother diane (59) can be a bit difficult. i mentioned that i would like to start shopping for mine sooner rather than later because my husband and i spend the winter at our second home in another state. i would like to have the dress in and alterations done before we leave. we do usually return for both thanksgiving and again for christmas but we are usually busy during this time and trying to fit in alterations could prove to be difficult. her mother said she probably won't be picking out a dress until the fall at the earliest.
i had diane and allie over for lunch a few days later so we could plan a few of the details and again mentioned that i would like to start looking for dresses. allie said no problem and we could go shopping the following weekend. diane only said that it was proper etiquette for her to get her dress first. i agreed and said she should come too. she refused and said she wants to wait. i asked her if she knew what color or style she wanted and she gave me a list of pretty much every color that would complement the bridesmaids' dresses. allie asked her to pick 3 colors which she did.
allie, my daughter, and i went shopping a few weeks ago and i found a great dress that is perfect for the wedding. i ordered it and everyone was happy. diane called me this morning and said she found a dress and when she sent it to allie, it was the same color as mine (not one of the 3 colors she picked) and that she would like me to pick a new dress. i politely declined because the dress was expensive and not returnable. she then suggested i use it when my daughter gets married (she is not engaged or in a serious relationship so i have no idea if or when or what type of wedding she would have). i do not want to cause problems but i feel like i gave her the colors she wanted and the chance to buy her dress first, both of which she declined. so aita for not following this etiquette.
| 2,839 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/npdm96/aita_for_picking_my_mother_of_the_groom_dress/
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2021-05-31 21:17:34
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nta. i have never heard of the motb having to pick her dress before the motg. also, it's not like she didn't know you wanted to go shopping for one already.
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[deleted]
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nta
i was unaware that there was an order for people buying their wedding attire. shit, my bridesmaids all picked their dresses before i picked mine!
is there a rule that says the mothers can’t wear the same color? my mom passed when i was young, so i guess i never thought about it being important they don’t wear the same color.
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nta. can you elaborate on the tradition of the mother of the bride picking her dress before grooms mother? i have never heard of such a custom.
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good lord, nta. this woman can be a little difficult, you say? no kidding. she's intentionally making this difficult. i'm planning a wedding now too, and it sounds like your future dil and i feel similarly about it: these details aren't important. wear your dress. her mother is also free to wear the dress she bought, if she wants. there will be relatively few pictures that contain both of you, and surely you'll be separated by at least a couple people. no one else will care even a little what you're wearing.
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nta and frankly, sounds like she is making up the bs of who gets first dibs. i will bet my second to last dollar that she deliberately chose the same color to make trouble. so long as the bride is chill with it, she can deal with her mother. and tbh, unless you two are going to dance arm in arm, you are going to be apart from each other and it will just look coordinated and pretty.
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i recently read a whole book on wedding etiquette and that was nowhere in there.
nta
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nta and frankly i’ve never heard of this being a tradition. i feel like she is just trying to cause drama, especially since she decided not to go with the colors she told you she was going to pick from. i’ve honestly never heard of the mothers’ dresses being a big deal at all. i hope you rock that dress!
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nta.
my bet is this is a power play - she found out what color you were wearing and decided on a dress in that exact color. tell her to wear what she wants, but you've chosen your dress.
alternatively, if you're feeling nice, tell her you'll buy something else as soon as she pays you for the first dress, since you can't return it
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nta...it sounds like you and allie have a great rapport. you checked with her first and made every effort to help diane along in the process. i suspect diane is spouting all of her ridiculousness on purpose. tell diane to naff off and go ahead and enjoy your dress.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (52f) son, mark (27m) is getting married next spring. his fiance, allie (26f), is great and very laid back and calm about the wedding and the details. my husband and i are paying for a lot of the wedding if that matters. allie got her dress about 2 months ago so now it is her mother's turn to pick a dress. the thing is her mother diane (59) can be a bit difficult. i mentioned that i would like to start shopping for mine sooner rather than later because my husband and i spend the winter at our second home in another state. i would like to have the dress in and alterations done before we leave. we do usually return for both thanksgiving and again for christmas but we are usually busy during this time and trying to fit in alterations could prove to be difficult. her mother said she probably won't be picking out a dress until the fall at the earliest. i had diane and allie over for lunch a few days later so we could plan a few of the details and again mentioned that i would like to start looking for dresses. allie said no problem and we could go shopping the following weekend. diane only said that it was proper etiquette for her to get her dress first. i agreed and said she should come too. she refused and said she wants to wait. i asked her if she knew what color or style she wanted and she gave me a list of pretty much every color that would complement the bridesmaids' dresses. allie asked her to pick 3 colors which she did. allie, my daughter, and i went shopping a few weeks ago and i found a great dress that is perfect for the wedding. i ordered it and everyone was happy. diane called me this morning and said she found a dress and when she sent it to allie, it was the same color as mine (not one of the 3 colors she picked) and that she would like me to pick a new dress. i politely declined because the dress was expensive and not returnable. she then suggested i use it when my daughter gets married (she is not engaged or in a serious relationship so i have no idea if or when or what type of wedding she would have). i do not want to cause problems but i feel like i gave her the colors she wanted and the chance to buy her dress first, both of which she declined. so aita for not following this etiquette.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (52f) son, mark (27m) is getting married next spring. his fiance, allie (26f), is great and very laid back and calm about the wedding and the details. my husband and i are paying for a lot of the wedding if that matters. allie got her dress about 2 months ago so now it is her mother's turn to pick a dress. the thing is her mother diane (59) can be a bit difficult. i mentioned that i would like to start shopping for mine sooner rather than later because my husband and i spend the winter at our second home in another state. i would like to have the dress in and alterations done before we leave. we do usually return for both thanksgiving and again for christmas but we are usually busy during this time and trying to fit in alterations could prove to be difficult. her mother said she probably won't be picking out a dress until the fall at the earliest. i had diane and allie over for lunch a few days later so we could plan a few of the details and again mentioned that i would like to start looking for dresses. allie said no problem and we could go shopping the following weekend. diane only said that it was proper etiquette for her to get her dress first. i agreed and said she should come too. she refused and said she wants to wait. i asked her if she knew what color or style she wanted and she gave me a list of pretty much every color that would complement the bridesmaids' dresses. allie asked her to pick 3 colors which she did. allie, my daughter, and i went shopping a few weeks ago and i found a great dress that is perfect for the wedding. i ordered it and everyone was happy. diane called me this morning and said she found a dress and when she sent it to allie, it was the same color as mine (not one of the 3 colors she picked) and that she would like me to pick a new dress. i politely declined because the dress was expensive and not returnable. she then suggested i use it when my daughter gets married (she is not engaged or in a serious relationship so i have no idea if or when or what type of wedding she would have). i do not want to cause problems but i feel like i gave her the colors she wanted and the chance to buy her dress first, both of which she declined. so aita for not following this etiquette. [/INST] nta. i have never heard of the motb having to pick her dress before the motg. also, it's not like she didn't know you wanted to go shopping for one already. </s>
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AITA for refusing to go to my cousins wedding unless I get a plus 1?
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my (27m) cousin carly (27f) is getting married in september. growing up me and carly were always ridiculously close. we were in the same grade and were best friends at family events. our family is close knit and a traditional type of american-italian family. whenever i first started dating a girl named paige (26f) me and carly would double date. paige and carly became close during the few times we hung out. so i have a dating preference. i like to date women that have high earning jobs. i don’t hide this on my dating profile (where me and paige met) or in real life. i don’t directly ask what someone makes but i just want to make sure it fits what i see my future lifestyle as. i don’t want to financially carry someone or have a large income disparity. so 2 months into our relationship i found out paige was lying about her job. she was actually a secretary which is not the job she was telling me she had. so i ended things, which caused me and carly to have a major falling out. that was 2 years ago and we haven’t really spoken since. i recently found out that paige and carly remained close friends and paige will be in the wedding as a bridesmaid.
whenever carly got engaged she called me and i congratulated her. she said she wanted me there and to hash things out, and asked me to be an usher. i agreed, then i got my invite i saw it was for just me. i thought nothing of it till i talked to my other cousin and he said he got a plus 1. i confirmed with all my other cousins (some as young as 14 and they all got plus 1’s). i called carly and asked her about this. she said it was a numbers thing and nothing personal. i said that is ridiculous because i’ve been seeing someone and my 14 year old cousins are single. she then got pissed and said it’s her wedding and can she can do whatever she wants. i talked to another bridesmaid i know and she said it was because paige didn’t want me to have one. i got this confirmed thru others as well.
i texted carly that i appreciate the invite but i’m not flying (i live across the country now), getting a rental car, buying a gift and taking time off work to be treated worse than other guest at a wedding. and that i’ll send a gift but won’t be attending. she called me selfish and i didn’t respond. every since i’ve gotten the full court press from the entire family. my parents, my aunts/uncles, cousins and grandparents about why i’m the only member of the family not going. i’ve told them all the same reason and some think it is understandable and some think i’m being childish. but i’m not spending close to $700 to travel to a wedding i’m being made to be alone at because of a stupid reason. carly called and basically told me to grow up and suck it up for the family. i told her that she picked paige’s wishes over me and needs to deal with it and hung up. i don’t feel like i’m being an ah but i need a general ruling. aita?
| 2,217 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v6yrw4/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_cousins_wedding/
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2022-06-07 15:27:20
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nta
she played a stupid game and won the stupid prize. yes it is her wedding but treating one person differently because of a friend who got dumped for lying is on her.
the fact you said you’d still send a gift is better than me. if my cousins pulled that on me i wouldn’t even send a gift.
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nta. it’s her wedding she gets to chose who can come but you also get chose if you want to go. i hope no one ever dumps you because your job wasn’t good enough for them. though i do understand breaking up over a lie.
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nta - she can decide who gets a plus one or not. but she can't throw a tantrum and get the whole family involved if someone declines their invite because of it. it is called a wedding invitation, not a wedding summons. she made her choice, you made yours.
also, giving +1's to everyone, including children, except one adult is just petty.
for all the family members giving you a hard time - ask if they are willing to cover the cost (minus the gift you plan to send regardless) of you attending the wedding. if not, then ask why they think they have a right to tell you how to spend your own money.
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nta. she singled you out in a shitty power play and then told you to grow up?
go have some +1 fun somewhere else on that day.
her choice, her regret.
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this was hard for me but i’m going with nta
i get that it’s a big family event, some of which you might not see again (dunno if your fam is like mine- huge and lots of old folks). from the outside perspective it could look like you’re being petty. you’re right, it is carly’s day!
that being said….this is weird. it is weird that carly would let paige dictate who gets a plus one. everyone else gets one, sounds like. but there’s a creepy personal undercurrent to the invites. very high school. i wouldn’t die on the hill of “i want a date!” but i wouldn’t go to a wedding where there are clearly malicious feelings towards me. that could steal the brides show, without me!
feel bad for carly, but she should’ve done the math and been willing to lose someone with this situation she allowed, really.
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nta. you have every right to break up with someone who lied to you about their income (i'm seeing your thoughts on this not as you being a gold-digger but as you not wanting to support a partner). and carly has a right to choose paige over you as a friend, but once she made you less-than by giving plus-1s to 14-year-olds and not to you, you chose not to prioritize this wedding.
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nta. she's choosing paige over you.
i am so petty though, i would ask your single 14yo cousin if he needs his +1. invite your date on his ticket and then trade him seats at the wedding.
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nta. she can invite whoever she wants, for whatever reason, with or without a plus one.
you can choose to go, or not go, for whatever reason. the fact that you're sending a gift is nicer than is even necessary as she won't be paying for your dinner plate.
ignore her, send the gift, take the high road and one day she'll look back and realize she was being foolish.
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info: are you dating a long term partner? or would you be bringing a stranger or short term partner to her wedding?
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nta. stand your ground. she's being absolutely ridiculous.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (27m) cousin carly (27f) is getting married in september. growing up me and carly were always ridiculously close. we were in the same grade and were best friends at family events. our family is close knit and a traditional type of american-italian family. whenever i first started dating a girl named paige (26f) me and carly would double date. paige and carly became close during the few times we hung out. so i have a dating preference. i like to date women that have high earning jobs. i don’t hide this on my dating profile (where me and paige met) or in real life. i don’t directly ask what someone makes but i just want to make sure it fits what i see my future lifestyle as. i don’t want to financially carry someone or have a large income disparity. so 2 months into our relationship i found out paige was lying about her job. she was actually a secretary which is not the job she was telling me she had. so i ended things, which caused me and carly to have a major falling out. that was 2 years ago and we haven’t really spoken since. i recently found out that paige and carly remained close friends and paige will be in the wedding as a bridesmaid. whenever carly got engaged she called me and i congratulated her. she said she wanted me there and to hash things out, and asked me to be an usher. i agreed, then i got my invite i saw it was for just me. i thought nothing of it till i talked to my other cousin and he said he got a plus 1. i confirmed with all my other cousins (some as young as 14 and they all got plus 1’s). i called carly and asked her about this. she said it was a numbers thing and nothing personal. i said that is ridiculous because i’ve been seeing someone and my 14 year old cousins are single. she then got pissed and said it’s her wedding and can she can do whatever she wants. i talked to another bridesmaid i know and she said it was because paige didn’t want me to have one. i got this confirmed thru others as well. i texted carly that i appreciate the invite but i’m not flying (i live across the country now), getting a rental car, buying a gift and taking time off work to be treated worse than other guest at a wedding. and that i’ll send a gift but won’t be attending. she called me selfish and i didn’t respond. every since i’ve gotten the full court press from the entire family. my parents, my aunts/uncles, cousins and grandparents about why i’m the only member of the family not going. i’ve told them all the same reason and some think it is understandable and some think i’m being childish. but i’m not spending close to $700 to travel to a wedding i’m being made to be alone at because of a stupid reason. carly called and basically told me to grow up and suck it up for the family. i told her that she picked paige’s wishes over me and needs to deal with it and hung up. i don’t feel like i’m being an ah but i need a general ruling. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (27m) cousin carly (27f) is getting married in september. growing up me and carly were always ridiculously close. we were in the same grade and were best friends at family events. our family is close knit and a traditional type of american-italian family. whenever i first started dating a girl named paige (26f) me and carly would double date. paige and carly became close during the few times we hung out. so i have a dating preference. i like to date women that have high earning jobs. i don’t hide this on my dating profile (where me and paige met) or in real life. i don’t directly ask what someone makes but i just want to make sure it fits what i see my future lifestyle as. i don’t want to financially carry someone or have a large income disparity. so 2 months into our relationship i found out paige was lying about her job. she was actually a secretary which is not the job she was telling me she had. so i ended things, which caused me and carly to have a major falling out. that was 2 years ago and we haven’t really spoken since. i recently found out that paige and carly remained close friends and paige will be in the wedding as a bridesmaid. whenever carly got engaged she called me and i congratulated her. she said she wanted me there and to hash things out, and asked me to be an usher. i agreed, then i got my invite i saw it was for just me. i thought nothing of it till i talked to my other cousin and he said he got a plus 1. i confirmed with all my other cousins (some as young as 14 and they all got plus 1’s). i called carly and asked her about this. she said it was a numbers thing and nothing personal. i said that is ridiculous because i’ve been seeing someone and my 14 year old cousins are single. she then got pissed and said it’s her wedding and can she can do whatever she wants. i talked to another bridesmaid i know and she said it was because paige didn’t want me to have one. i got this confirmed thru others as well. i texted carly that i appreciate the invite but i’m not flying (i live across the country now), getting a rental car, buying a gift and taking time off work to be treated worse than other guest at a wedding. and that i’ll send a gift but won’t be attending. she called me selfish and i didn’t respond. every since i’ve gotten the full court press from the entire family. my parents, my aunts/uncles, cousins and grandparents about why i’m the only member of the family not going. i’ve told them all the same reason and some think it is understandable and some think i’m being childish. but i’m not spending close to $700 to travel to a wedding i’m being made to be alone at because of a stupid reason. carly called and basically told me to grow up and suck it up for the family. i told her that she picked paige’s wishes over me and needs to deal with it and hung up. i don’t feel like i’m being an ah but i need a general ruling. aita? [/INST] nta she played a stupid game and won the stupid prize. yes it is her wedding but treating one person differently because of a friend who got dumped for lying is on her. the fact you said you’d still send a gift is better than me. if my cousins pulled that on me i wouldn’t even send a gift. </s>
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AITA for not including a classmates name in a discussion they don’t take part in
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i (25m) am in my final semester of grad school. for our discussion post a last week we had to have a conversation with a classmate about certain things (the chapter we read for class, how our internships were going etc and simply post who we talked to, when we talked and how we talked (in person or virtually).
due to an odd number of classmates i was in a group with two people. a week before the discussion was due i initiated trying to set up the conversation. after several more attempts, one of my partners finally responded back two days before the due date and we had a conversation the day before the due date. neither of us were able to reach our other partner so we had our discussion without them.
in my discussion post i stated “i spoke with (blank) and we talked (on this day and time) via zoom.” apparently the partner i spoke with included the partner we didn’t speak with and that partner just looked at our posts for the day and time we talked and copied what we said.
our professor reached out to me via email and inquired about why i did not include the partner that didn’t show up in my post. i told him that they did not show up and did not respond to any of my attempts to reach out to them. i guess the professor gave both of my partners a zero for the discussion and reprimanded them for lying. they north reached out to me telling me i was wrong to through both of them under the bus. the partner who didn’t show up said that they didn’t have time to meet or even responded due to being busy with classes, their assistantship and their internship.
i should mention our professor only grades our best 10 of the 13 discussion posts we have.
aita?
| 555 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u7v0jx/aita_for_not_including_a_classmates_name_in_a/
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2022-04-20 12:08:43
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nta if you want the credit do the work
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nta the one person who didn’t show didn’t do the work. and the one willing to lie for them just learned an important life lesson.
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nta&#10;
&#10;
you are nta for truthfully answering a question about your assignment. you're also nta for only crediting the partner who actually showed up and did work.&#10;
&#10;
and also, if you're all in grad school and *this* is the thing that your other partner "didn't have time for," then their time management skills don't paint a pretty picture of grad school success.
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nta
if you're going to lie, seems smart to actually make sure everyone is on the same page first. they might be in grad school but they're dumb.
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nta they don't do the work, they don't get credit
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nta. they need to get their shit together.
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nta. op soooo nta. you didn’t deliberately or knowingly throw them under the bus. the person not attending threw everyone else under the bus.
i feel bad for the classmate trying to cover for the friends absence also getting zero but this is like high school level “can i copy your homework” shenanigans. this doesn’t have a place on a professional course.
the moral of story for them both should be don’t lie and cheat and don’t help others to lie and cheat.
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nta
if you don't play you can't win
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nta
if they don't have the time, then they should at least say so or just drop out.
you could have told y the partner with whom you worked you were going to do it just so they knew and that way they could have prevented being penalised for lying. but that's all.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (25m) am in my final semester of grad school. for our discussion post a last week we had to have a conversation with a classmate about certain things (the chapter we read for class, how our internships were going etc and simply post who we talked to, when we talked and how we talked (in person or virtually). due to an odd number of classmates i was in a group with two people. a week before the discussion was due i initiated trying to set up the conversation. after several more attempts, one of my partners finally responded back two days before the due date and we had a conversation the day before the due date. neither of us were able to reach our other partner so we had our discussion without them. in my discussion post i stated “i spoke with (blank) and we talked (on this day and time) via zoom.” apparently the partner i spoke with included the partner we didn’t speak with and that partner just looked at our posts for the day and time we talked and copied what we said. our professor reached out to me via email and inquired about why i did not include the partner that didn’t show up in my post. i told him that they did not show up and did not respond to any of my attempts to reach out to them. i guess the professor gave both of my partners a zero for the discussion and reprimanded them for lying. they north reached out to me telling me i was wrong to through both of them under the bus. the partner who didn’t show up said that they didn’t have time to meet or even responded due to being busy with classes, their assistantship and their internship. i should mention our professor only grades our best 10 of the 13 discussion posts we have. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (25m) am in my final semester of grad school. for our discussion post a last week we had to have a conversation with a classmate about certain things (the chapter we read for class, how our internships were going etc and simply post who we talked to, when we talked and how we talked (in person or virtually). due to an odd number of classmates i was in a group with two people. a week before the discussion was due i initiated trying to set up the conversation. after several more attempts, one of my partners finally responded back two days before the due date and we had a conversation the day before the due date. neither of us were able to reach our other partner so we had our discussion without them. in my discussion post i stated “i spoke with (blank) and we talked (on this day and time) via zoom.” apparently the partner i spoke with included the partner we didn’t speak with and that partner just looked at our posts for the day and time we talked and copied what we said. our professor reached out to me via email and inquired about why i did not include the partner that didn’t show up in my post. i told him that they did not show up and did not respond to any of my attempts to reach out to them. i guess the professor gave both of my partners a zero for the discussion and reprimanded them for lying. they north reached out to me telling me i was wrong to through both of them under the bus. the partner who didn’t show up said that they didn’t have time to meet or even responded due to being busy with classes, their assistantship and their internship. i should mention our professor only grades our best 10 of the 13 discussion posts we have. aita? [/INST] nta if you want the credit do the work </s>
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AITA for not bailing my mom out?
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hi redditors. strap in. this is kind of long. so, due to some financial troubles, i'm a boomerang kid. i'm an adult living back at home with my mother. the issue is, her financial trouble is worse than mine and i didn't know it.
we've gone back and forth about cutting costs in the household. her dream was to renovate an old house and she did that. the trouble is, she hired "friends" and unskilled people to do a lot of basic work and cheaping out in the beginning is costing her in the long run. right now we need an electrician because half the lights in the house don't work. she's got external lights hooked up with extension cords. i've explained how dangerous it is, but she feels like she's safe because nothing has happened so far.
she wanted to get cable, but i explained to her that it's not in my budget. i'm trying to pay off debt so i can get back in a better financial situation, so i've made a lot of sacrifices, including living an hour away from work, not going to movies or out to eat (even fast food) and packing my lunch every day. i have a detailed budget spreadsheet that all of my expenses go into. but things are just so bad i'm not able to save any money here..i can pay my debts and help her with bills, but i can do no more.
so fast forward to the incident at hand. my mother asked to "borrow" some money to pay a bill. she has a habit of asking once a bill is past due, and i knew this was the case. she's also never paid back what she's "borrowed". at the time i had recently been diagnosed with cancer, and was dealing with a million emotions and a million doctor visits so i admit that my brain was on autopilot when i pulled out my wallet. then it hit me: i didn't know what this $$ was for. so i asked several times before she told me. it was a payment on high interest payday-type loan that was already over a week late. i said no and she got really upset. i said that i had my own struggles to deal with and she needed to budget and be more responsible from here on out because i'm only willing to pay shared household expenses. i maxed out my work hsa seeing specialists and had just begun using my credit cards (which i worked so hard to pay down) to pay my copays and fees for oncology treatment. i told her she was selfish for even asking me, knowing what i was going through.
so, aita for telling my mother to be responsible for herself?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d2pnex/aita_for_not_bailing_my_mom_out/
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2019-09-11 12:50:42
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nta. you need to get out of there. no one should go bankrupt trying to take care of their parents.
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nta.
but please move out; you have a lot going on with your health and it can’t be healthy to be stressed out about your mom on top of it. find a room to rent for cheap somewhere in a shared house — you might even end up paying less in rent than you have been to your mom for late bills.
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nta
you can't afford to continue living with your mother. she will bleed you dry.
do you have another family member or friend you could live with?
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nta. you have *cancer* and she has the audacity to ask you for money?! is she completely ignorant to how much that costs to treat or is she just stupid?! i hope you can get yourself into a better situation op.
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nta
i highly recommend that you leave that house while you still can also if you need help with financing your treatment [https://www.cancer.net/navigating-cancer-care/financial-considerations/financial-resources](https://www.cancer.net/navigating-cancer-care/financial-considerations/financial-resources)
assuming you live in the us this site should help you find aid your eligible for
best of luck op
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nta, find your own lil place and look after yourself op, you have enough on your plate.
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nta
parenting our parents is awful.
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nta
it seems like at this point living with your mother is costing you more money than it is saving.
yes she raised you and yes she is your mother, but she is also a leech and is using you now.
you cannot afford to let yourself be used. so you are not the asshole for not giving her money when you cannot afford it.
in fact even if you could afford to give her money because you were financially stable, i still wouldn't blame you for not giving her the money because she is not using your money sensibly, paying you back or taking responisibilties for her own fiances.
she's using you. staying in her house is probably costing you more than it is saving. you should consider moving out
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hi redditors. strap in. this is kind of long. so, due to some financial troubles, i'm a boomerang kid. i'm an adult living back at home with my mother. the issue is, her financial trouble is worse than mine and i didn't know it. we've gone back and forth about cutting costs in the household. her dream was to renovate an old house and she did that. the trouble is, she hired "friends" and unskilled people to do a lot of basic work and cheaping out in the beginning is costing her in the long run. right now we need an electrician because half the lights in the house don't work. she's got external lights hooked up with extension cords. i've explained how dangerous it is, but she feels like she's safe because nothing has happened so far. she wanted to get cable, but i explained to her that it's not in my budget. i'm trying to pay off debt so i can get back in a better financial situation, so i've made a lot of sacrifices, including living an hour away from work, not going to movies or out to eat (even fast food) and packing my lunch every day. i have a detailed budget spreadsheet that all of my expenses go into. but things are just so bad i'm not able to save any money here..i can pay my debts and help her with bills, but i can do no more. so fast forward to the incident at hand. my mother asked to "borrow" some money to pay a bill. she has a habit of asking once a bill is past due, and i knew this was the case. she's also never paid back what she's "borrowed". at the time i had recently been diagnosed with cancer, and was dealing with a million emotions and a million doctor visits so i admit that my brain was on autopilot when i pulled out my wallet. then it hit me: i didn't know what this $$ was for. so i asked several times before she told me. it was a payment on high interest payday-type loan that was already over a week late. i said no and she got really upset. i said that i had my own struggles to deal with and she needed to budget and be more responsible from here on out because i'm only willing to pay shared household expenses. i maxed out my work hsa seeing specialists and had just begun using my credit cards (which i worked so hard to pay down) to pay my copays and fees for oncology treatment. i told her she was selfish for even asking me, knowing what i was going through. so, aita for telling my mother to be responsible for herself?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hi redditors. strap in. this is kind of long. so, due to some financial troubles, i'm a boomerang kid. i'm an adult living back at home with my mother. the issue is, her financial trouble is worse than mine and i didn't know it. we've gone back and forth about cutting costs in the household. her dream was to renovate an old house and she did that. the trouble is, she hired "friends" and unskilled people to do a lot of basic work and cheaping out in the beginning is costing her in the long run. right now we need an electrician because half the lights in the house don't work. she's got external lights hooked up with extension cords. i've explained how dangerous it is, but she feels like she's safe because nothing has happened so far. she wanted to get cable, but i explained to her that it's not in my budget. i'm trying to pay off debt so i can get back in a better financial situation, so i've made a lot of sacrifices, including living an hour away from work, not going to movies or out to eat (even fast food) and packing my lunch every day. i have a detailed budget spreadsheet that all of my expenses go into. but things are just so bad i'm not able to save any money here..i can pay my debts and help her with bills, but i can do no more. so fast forward to the incident at hand. my mother asked to "borrow" some money to pay a bill. she has a habit of asking once a bill is past due, and i knew this was the case. she's also never paid back what she's "borrowed". at the time i had recently been diagnosed with cancer, and was dealing with a million emotions and a million doctor visits so i admit that my brain was on autopilot when i pulled out my wallet. then it hit me: i didn't know what this $$ was for. so i asked several times before she told me. it was a payment on high interest payday-type loan that was already over a week late. i said no and she got really upset. i said that i had my own struggles to deal with and she needed to budget and be more responsible from here on out because i'm only willing to pay shared household expenses. i maxed out my work hsa seeing specialists and had just begun using my credit cards (which i worked so hard to pay down) to pay my copays and fees for oncology treatment. i told her she was selfish for even asking me, knowing what i was going through. so, aita for telling my mother to be responsible for herself? [/INST] nta. you need to get out of there. no one should go bankrupt trying to take care of their parents. </s>
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AITA for visiting my sister in law (or as she puts it, stalking her)
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lately my brother and i started a home repairs business. sometimes when i dont have a call i'm in his neighborhood so i stop by his place to chill.
his wife answers the door and she's always chill. kids running around, she's in her pajamas. she invites me in and offers me coffee. i often talk about my wife or complain about work then leave for the next call.
after a couple weeks of this she stops letting me in. i ask if my bro is there and she says no and closes the door. ok, so i have lunch in my car or something. eventually it's time to go to the next job and move along. one day my bro comes home so i drove him with me to the next job. nbd.
after about another month she's super pissed. i don't know why but her and my bro come over, she tells my wife to stop texting her and stuff (they always have some kind of beef - wow) and tells me i'm being disrespectful to her and my wife at the same time. she says she's going to start standing up for herself, whatever that means. i make my wife apologize but really i don't like being disrespected in my own home.
the next day i come by her place like normal, i hang out outside, like normal. but in the evening she texts me not to come by anymore. well i am beyond disrespected now. so i tell my bro the business is over because of her. she always ruins everything.
well now they've told our mom i was stalking her, but i only came by to take my bro to work. i think it's not a big deal but they made it a huge deal. they think i'm an ass hole for "stalking".
| 3,232 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/swh2w9/aita_for_visiting_my_sister_in_law_or_as_she_puts/
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2022-02-19 18:55:19
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yta. your sil was never “chill” about you randomly coming over when she’s in her pajamas, has kids to wrangle, and then has to stop and make you coffee and listen to your problems. she was being polite.
your fixation with “disrespect” seems more like entitlement. and it was very immature of you to end your business with your brother over this - and then blame it on sil like you’re a child - though i think it’s for the best that you and your brother discontinue working together.
can’t you see your role in all this conflict?
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this smells like "not the whole story" to me.
info: what did you leave out?
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yta for not respecting her need for space. she's made it very obvious she's not interested in a friendship or entertaining you just dropping by.
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you say you were picking up your brother but in a comment you say that in the multiple times you showed up, he was only there once.
>bro wasn't there except for the one time. i was trying to be nice by giving him a ride.
so you stopped by her house, unannounced multiple times and never thought to ask if it was okay? and when she finally stopped letting you in, your solution was to stay in your car parked on her property? then when she confronts you about it, you act like everything's okay and keep doing it? she didn't ruin anything, you did by ignoring her boundaries. her house and yard are not yours to use without her permission which it looks like you never got.
you also said in a comment about his wife:
>she was recently diagnosed with ptsd though so she's taking everything out of proportion.
which makes your behavior worse. yta
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op said in a now deleted comment:
> i don’t moan about my wife but she (sil) has more sex than i do so she sometimes gives me advice on how to get more action at home.
seems like we’re getting closer to the parts op was leaving out.
don’t drop in on people unannounced unless they have made it explicitly clear it’s okay. don’t talk to your sil about your sex life. don’t sit in your car outside someone’s house for god knows how long.
yta.
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yta. you were constantly showing up over there uninvited. of course she invited you in at first; you put her in an awkward position. now you're just hanging outside the house? the rest of the conflict is separate from you being either entitled or a creep.
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yta
you showed up repeatedly without an invitation, cut into her morning routine while she has kids to try and wrangle, use her as free therapy, and then claim she's the disrespectful one? no, no she's not. you, however, are entitled and definitely exhibiting signs of something very close to weaponized incompetence.
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yta. you say that one day you drove your brother. what were you doing all the other days hanging out outsid3 their house
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yta
who the fuck feels disrespected by being told to not come by someone else’s house?? you sound absolutely unhinged and to be honest, you dissolving the business is doing your former partner a huge favor because if i were him, this level of entitlement and aggression over being asked something incredibly reasonable is a massive red flag.
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i think it weird and unpolite to show up at someones house without notice. you disrespected her in her house by not asking her if its okay for you to stop by.
>the next day i come by her place like normal, i hang out outside, like normal.
also this is super creepy ⬆️. she clearly was pissed at you/your wife but you decided to just ignore her feelings and act like you don't care? why did you go to her house the next day? and what did you do there were you just staring and standing still? were you walking around? its not your property so you cant just show up and act like you own the place.
yta.
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: lately my brother and i started a home repairs business. sometimes when i dont have a call i'm in his neighborhood so i stop by his place to chill. his wife answers the door and she's always chill. kids running around, she's in her pajamas. she invites me in and offers me coffee. i often talk about my wife or complain about work then leave for the next call. after a couple weeks of this she stops letting me in. i ask if my bro is there and she says no and closes the door. ok, so i have lunch in my car or something. eventually it's time to go to the next job and move along. one day my bro comes home so i drove him with me to the next job. nbd. after about another month she's super pissed. i don't know why but her and my bro come over, she tells my wife to stop texting her and stuff (they always have some kind of beef - wow) and tells me i'm being disrespectful to her and my wife at the same time. she says she's going to start standing up for herself, whatever that means. i make my wife apologize but really i don't like being disrespected in my own home. the next day i come by her place like normal, i hang out outside, like normal. but in the evening she texts me not to come by anymore. well i am beyond disrespected now. so i tell my bro the business is over because of her. she always ruins everything. well now they've told our mom i was stalking her, but i only came by to take my bro to work. i think it's not a big deal but they made it a huge deal. they think i'm an ass hole for "stalking".
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
lately my brother and i started a home repairs business. sometimes when i dont have a call i'm in his neighborhood so i stop by his place to chill. his wife answers the door and she's always chill. kids running around, she's in her pajamas. she invites me in and offers me coffee. i often talk about my wife or complain about work then leave for the next call. after a couple weeks of this she stops letting me in. i ask if my bro is there and she says no and closes the door. ok, so i have lunch in my car or something. eventually it's time to go to the next job and move along. one day my bro comes home so i drove him with me to the next job. nbd. after about another month she's super pissed. i don't know why but her and my bro come over, she tells my wife to stop texting her and stuff (they always have some kind of beef - wow) and tells me i'm being disrespectful to her and my wife at the same time. she says she's going to start standing up for herself, whatever that means. i make my wife apologize but really i don't like being disrespected in my own home. the next day i come by her place like normal, i hang out outside, like normal. but in the evening she texts me not to come by anymore. well i am beyond disrespected now. so i tell my bro the business is over because of her. she always ruins everything. well now they've told our mom i was stalking her, but i only came by to take my bro to work. i think it's not a big deal but they made it a huge deal. they think i'm an ass hole for "stalking". [/INST] yta. your sil was never “chill” about you randomly coming over when she’s in her pajamas, has kids to wrangle, and then has to stop and make you coffee and listen to your problems. she was being polite. your fixation with “disrespect” seems more like entitlement. and it was very immature of you to end your business with your brother over this - and then blame it on sil like you’re a child - though i think it’s for the best that you and your brother discontinue working together. can’t you see your role in all this conflict? </s>
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AITA for "making a scene" and embarassing my mom.
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i took my mom christmas shopping today. we had a great morning and i decided to treat he to lunch. i knew a restaurant that my husband loves was close by so we headed over their.
when we to their however they asked if we had reservations. for lunch. because new didn't. so the hostess said sorry but they could not seat us.
i have no idea what he problem was and my mom started trying to pull me away saying that we could go somewhere else. i pulled up a reservation app on my phone. they had a reservation available in fifteen minutes. i booked it. then i told my mom that we could sit in the lounge for a drink and a rest and we would go for lunch afterwards.
so we had a little break. enjoyed a nice afternoon cocktail and when we were done we went back to the hostess stand. she gave me side eye and i said we had a reservation.
we got sat and i enjoyed my lunch. my mom seemed to enjoy he meal but she kept looking at the hostess every time she sat someone.
i made sure to tip well and asked the water if their restaurant had a reservation only policy. he said they didn't.
on the way out i thanked the hostess for doing such a great job. my mom just shuffled away.
the only thing i can think of is that my mom wasn't dressed up or anything and it was a very nice restaurant. but i saw people in their in jeans and ball caps.
my mom says that i should not have done it and that she was embarrassed the whole time.
aita?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zfu1ki/aita_for_making_a_scene_and_embarassing_my_mom/
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2022-12-08 09:15:01
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nta. you didn't make a scene, you just maliciously complied with someone on a power trip. i would be tempted to drop a review calling out the hostess or to file a complaint with management, because they need to know she is doing stuff like this and costing them money and customers.
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nta. doesn’t sound like you “made a scene” at all.
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wait, what scene? i got all the way to the end, looking for this scene you made, and i'm at a loss. you made a polite but sub-textually barbed comment after the hostess lied to you and kind of dissed you and your mom. what is it your mom thinks you shouldn't have done? found a reservation at a restaurant that doesn't require reservations? had a nice lunch? thanked the hostess for doing such a great job of ineffective lying? nta.
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nta. i don't understand why restaurants do that sort of thing. especially after covid you would think they want all the customers.
edit for stupid autocorrect.
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your mom’s hangup about this is bizarre. nta
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nta. you found a reservation. what’s the issue?
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that's actually quite clever. nice hint of malicious compliance
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some of the seniors in my family have a lot of internalized racism because they’re ‘darker’ than some cousins, unspecified race. any chance mom is interpreting the treatment of the hostess in this way, and maybe didn’t wanna press the issue? either way, nta, i would’ve done the same op.
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i read the whole thing twice and still don't understand what you did to cause a scene. seriously.
that you made a reservation online? that you confirmed the reservation policy with a waiter?
nta.
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i took my mom christmas shopping today. we had a great morning and i decided to treat he to lunch. i knew a restaurant that my husband loves was close by so we headed over their. when we to their however they asked if we had reservations. for lunch. because new didn't. so the hostess said sorry but they could not seat us. i have no idea what he problem was and my mom started trying to pull me away saying that we could go somewhere else. i pulled up a reservation app on my phone. they had a reservation available in fifteen minutes. i booked it. then i told my mom that we could sit in the lounge for a drink and a rest and we would go for lunch afterwards. so we had a little break. enjoyed a nice afternoon cocktail and when we were done we went back to the hostess stand. she gave me side eye and i said we had a reservation. we got sat and i enjoyed my lunch. my mom seemed to enjoy he meal but she kept looking at the hostess every time she sat someone. i made sure to tip well and asked the water if their restaurant had a reservation only policy. he said they didn't. on the way out i thanked the hostess for doing such a great job. my mom just shuffled away. the only thing i can think of is that my mom wasn't dressed up or anything and it was a very nice restaurant. but i saw people in their in jeans and ball caps. my mom says that i should not have done it and that she was embarrassed the whole time. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i took my mom christmas shopping today. we had a great morning and i decided to treat he to lunch. i knew a restaurant that my husband loves was close by so we headed over their. when we to their however they asked if we had reservations. for lunch. because new didn't. so the hostess said sorry but they could not seat us. i have no idea what he problem was and my mom started trying to pull me away saying that we could go somewhere else. i pulled up a reservation app on my phone. they had a reservation available in fifteen minutes. i booked it. then i told my mom that we could sit in the lounge for a drink and a rest and we would go for lunch afterwards. so we had a little break. enjoyed a nice afternoon cocktail and when we were done we went back to the hostess stand. she gave me side eye and i said we had a reservation. we got sat and i enjoyed my lunch. my mom seemed to enjoy he meal but she kept looking at the hostess every time she sat someone. i made sure to tip well and asked the water if their restaurant had a reservation only policy. he said they didn't. on the way out i thanked the hostess for doing such a great job. my mom just shuffled away. the only thing i can think of is that my mom wasn't dressed up or anything and it was a very nice restaurant. but i saw people in their in jeans and ball caps. my mom says that i should not have done it and that she was embarrassed the whole time. aita? [/INST] nta. you didn't make a scene, you just maliciously complied with someone on a power trip. i would be tempted to drop a review calling out the hostess or to file a complaint with management, because they need to know she is doing stuff like this and costing them money and customers. </s>
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AITA for moving out because of my controlling parents?
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to keep this short, i’m 18, and a legal adult. they have been pushing for me to stay and frankly i don’t want to. they constantly watch everything i do, they install secret listening devices and have tried to put cameras in my room, and have been dishonest to me my enitire life. i’m a model child and student and i’ve never gotten in trouble at school or anything else.
they claim that “i don’t follow thier simple house rules”, despite them running a literal police state. my mother has, multiple times, intervened without anyone asking in my personal relationships and yesterday was the final straw when she took my phone and read some out of context texts between me and my ex (our breakup was mutual and we have been really good friends since). she’s claimed i’m now a “sexual deviant with her”, despite me still being a virgin.
i don’t know if i’m overacting to all of this or if it’s just them being parents.
| 1,774 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r1g8n9/aita_for_moving_out_because_of_my_controlling/
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2021-11-24 21:54:15
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nta. parent here, mind you of a young child.
it’s never ok to secretly record someone unless you are documenting abuse to report to authorities. it’s actually against the law in most us states to record someone without their consent. the behavior you described is completely inappropriate.
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nta! get out and run, they are not normal parents. this is sick behavior from them - listening devices and cameras in your bedroom??? good luck, op! go out and live your life!
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nta
some parents track their kids' phones. some think that is too much. but installing cameras / microphones in your room (even while under their roof) is over the top. you should have some privacy.
you need to be comfortable in your room and it sounds like you are not able to be.
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yikes! nta
that’s way too controlling. you have every right to move out and go live your own life. that’s part of being an adult.
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nta. you're an adult. move out but make sure to be financially responsible and don't get into revolving debt. have a clear budget and make sure you're not living paycheck to paycheck.
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nta
"im moving out."
>why
"because you run this place like a fascist country and i'm not ok with that."
>no we don't
"you can call your style whatever you want, i'm moving out."
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nta. i'm a mom, and i have parental controls in my daughter's phone cause she is a teen and can't be left alone online. but i don't read her conversations or listen to her calls.
“sexual deviant with her”
sounds like she is religious... christians family thend to be more helicopter... move out helps a lot
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nta. come on your name is caligula how could they not think you are a sexual deviant????
joking of course.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: to keep this short, i’m 18, and a legal adult. they have been pushing for me to stay and frankly i don’t want to. they constantly watch everything i do, they install secret listening devices and have tried to put cameras in my room, and have been dishonest to me my enitire life. i’m a model child and student and i’ve never gotten in trouble at school or anything else. they claim that “i don’t follow thier simple house rules”, despite them running a literal police state. my mother has, multiple times, intervened without anyone asking in my personal relationships and yesterday was the final straw when she took my phone and read some out of context texts between me and my ex (our breakup was mutual and we have been really good friends since). she’s claimed i’m now a “sexual deviant with her”, despite me still being a virgin. i don’t know if i’m overacting to all of this or if it’s just them being parents.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
to keep this short, i’m 18, and a legal adult. they have been pushing for me to stay and frankly i don’t want to. they constantly watch everything i do, they install secret listening devices and have tried to put cameras in my room, and have been dishonest to me my enitire life. i’m a model child and student and i’ve never gotten in trouble at school or anything else. they claim that “i don’t follow thier simple house rules”, despite them running a literal police state. my mother has, multiple times, intervened without anyone asking in my personal relationships and yesterday was the final straw when she took my phone and read some out of context texts between me and my ex (our breakup was mutual and we have been really good friends since). she’s claimed i’m now a “sexual deviant with her”, despite me still being a virgin. i don’t know if i’m overacting to all of this or if it’s just them being parents. [/INST] nta. parent here, mind you of a young child. it’s never ok to secretly record someone unless you are documenting abuse to report to authorities. it’s actually against the law in most us states to record someone without their consent. the behavior you described is completely inappropriate. </s>
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AITA for calling my MIL an anti-Semite
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so, i’ll preface this by saying that i love my mother in law, i really do. i’ve had my issues with her before, but nothing like this. she’s stubborn, stuck in her ways, and extremely judgmental as to how my husband & i are raising the kids, but i’ve never heard her be hateful before this.
passover is coming up, as is easter. she asked my husband what we’re doing for easter, and he told her that we don’t celebrate it, but we’re having a passover seder on friday. my husband is an atheist, and my stepchildren aren’t religious. well, apparently that’s wrong, and all my fault.
she told him that i’ve brainwashed the family, forcing them to follow my beliefs and ignoring theirs. she went on this unhinged tirade about how she “raised him right” and expected him to do the same with his kids. told him that everything was fine until i came into the picture. keep in mind, they never went to church together (they went a few times with their mom) but they had christmas at the house.
we still do christmas. we also do chanukah. and both kids enjoy having holidays at our house, then more holidays at their moms. stepson in particular enjoys jewish holidays and i’m not going to stop practicing my religion in my own home to suit her requirements for her grandkids. which my husband informed her of. well, that didn’t stop her.
this unhinged tirade went on, with the two of them arguing over this, until i went over and grabbed the phone. i told her that until she stops with her anti-semitic garbage, that she’ll no longer be welcome in our home.
now, my husband thinks that i was being too harsh on her. she’s almost 90 years old, grew up in a different time, and has become increasingly religious since my father in law died. i understand that, but i firmly believe that she was being an anti-semitic ass. my stepson agrees with me, but my stepdaughter also thinks that i went too far and should apologize. i feel like i’m in the damn twilight zone.
so, aita?
| 325 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u23sdw/aita_for_calling_my_mil_an_antisemite/
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2022-04-12 16:57:44
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nta
so... just to make sure i got this right... you are being asked to apologize to the anti-semite because she is an old anti-semite?
...and you think you might be the one with the problem?
i know you are jewish and all but... jesus christ...
no. just no to the whole thing. the apology, the explanation, the hand waving, the whole damn thing.
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nta-
she's 90 which means she knows there was a literal global war over the genocide of jewish people... and she was an adult during that war... and it sounds like she was not on the 'allied' side of that war.... antisemitic beliefs didn't go away and they didn't appear 90 years ago.... and she certainly didn't grow up in a time period where antisemitism wasn't deadly or an unknown subject. dh is making excuses and needs to apologize to you.
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nta.
people have got to stop this nonsense of giving elderly people and/or family members a get out of jail free card on bigotry. your mother-in-law was ranting and raving because, to her, you and your relationship with your jewish faith are negatively impacting the picture she has in her mind of how a family should "properly" be brought up and that's textbook anti-semitism. you did nothing wrong and owe her no apology, but i do recommend sitting down with her and your husband and making it abundantly clear that you won't be tolerating one more negative word about your faith nor how you raise your kids with respect to religion and if she isn't willing to acknowledge that she was out of line and apologize, she can take her 89 year old anti-semitic self outside and kick rocks.
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nta
almost 90, age doesn't excuse the anti-semitism, racism, etc, that was bubbling under the surface and finally spews forth.
does she know her son is an atheist? 'cause it is odd she's only blaming you for not celebrating easter.
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*"she’s almost 90 years old, grew up in a different time."*
oh, 6¿ll$#¡÷. what "different" time did she grow up in that she doesn't know what anti-semitism is? if she is "almost 90 years old," she was born the year hitler came to power.
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nta
if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck
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nta. her behavior was absolutely antisemitic. you were right to call it out as such.
side note: i’m excited for you to show your husband all of the responses that will be pouring in… he needs to understand his mommy is the one who fucked up, not you.
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nta. there’s never an excuse for bigotry. your kids like it, you’re not forcing anyone to do anything, and there’s far worse things in the world than bonding with your child through being jewish.
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nta...hate doesn't have age restrictions and neither does proper behaviour. if she can't use good manners, she can't come around.
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i cringed so hard from the “if you just read the new testament right,” bit. this is one of those occasions where yeah, she’s an anti-semite.
i suggest starting to ask her to read the koran and that if she just read it more she’d be a muslim. if she gets annoyed, point out that that book came later, so by her logic she should be with it.
ofc she’s 90, so she won’t follow the logic there, but yeah you’re nta lol.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, i’ll preface this by saying that i love my mother in law, i really do. i’ve had my issues with her before, but nothing like this. she’s stubborn, stuck in her ways, and extremely judgmental as to how my husband & i are raising the kids, but i’ve never heard her be hateful before this. passover is coming up, as is easter. she asked my husband what we’re doing for easter, and he told her that we don’t celebrate it, but we’re having a passover seder on friday. my husband is an atheist, and my stepchildren aren’t religious. well, apparently that’s wrong, and all my fault. she told him that i’ve brainwashed the family, forcing them to follow my beliefs and ignoring theirs. she went on this unhinged tirade about how she “raised him right” and expected him to do the same with his kids. told him that everything was fine until i came into the picture. keep in mind, they never went to church together (they went a few times with their mom) but they had christmas at the house. we still do christmas. we also do chanukah. and both kids enjoy having holidays at our house, then more holidays at their moms. stepson in particular enjoys jewish holidays and i’m not going to stop practicing my religion in my own home to suit her requirements for her grandkids. which my husband informed her of. well, that didn’t stop her. this unhinged tirade went on, with the two of them arguing over this, until i went over and grabbed the phone. i told her that until she stops with her anti-semitic garbage, that she’ll no longer be welcome in our home. now, my husband thinks that i was being too harsh on her. she’s almost 90 years old, grew up in a different time, and has become increasingly religious since my father in law died. i understand that, but i firmly believe that she was being an anti-semitic ass. my stepson agrees with me, but my stepdaughter also thinks that i went too far and should apologize. i feel like i’m in the damn twilight zone. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, i’ll preface this by saying that i love my mother in law, i really do. i’ve had my issues with her before, but nothing like this. she’s stubborn, stuck in her ways, and extremely judgmental as to how my husband & i are raising the kids, but i’ve never heard her be hateful before this. passover is coming up, as is easter. she asked my husband what we’re doing for easter, and he told her that we don’t celebrate it, but we’re having a passover seder on friday. my husband is an atheist, and my stepchildren aren’t religious. well, apparently that’s wrong, and all my fault. she told him that i’ve brainwashed the family, forcing them to follow my beliefs and ignoring theirs. she went on this unhinged tirade about how she “raised him right” and expected him to do the same with his kids. told him that everything was fine until i came into the picture. keep in mind, they never went to church together (they went a few times with their mom) but they had christmas at the house. we still do christmas. we also do chanukah. and both kids enjoy having holidays at our house, then more holidays at their moms. stepson in particular enjoys jewish holidays and i’m not going to stop practicing my religion in my own home to suit her requirements for her grandkids. which my husband informed her of. well, that didn’t stop her. this unhinged tirade went on, with the two of them arguing over this, until i went over and grabbed the phone. i told her that until she stops with her anti-semitic garbage, that she’ll no longer be welcome in our home. now, my husband thinks that i was being too harsh on her. she’s almost 90 years old, grew up in a different time, and has become increasingly religious since my father in law died. i understand that, but i firmly believe that she was being an anti-semitic ass. my stepson agrees with me, but my stepdaughter also thinks that i went too far and should apologize. i feel like i’m in the damn twilight zone. so, aita? [/INST] nta so... just to make sure i got this right... you are being asked to apologize to the anti-semite because she is an old anti-semite? ...and you think you might be the one with the problem? i know you are jewish and all but... jesus christ... no. just no to the whole thing. the apology, the explanation, the hand waving, the whole damn thing. </s>
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AITA for telling my mom she can’t disregard my parenting?
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over the weekend, my husband (26m) and i (26f) took our kids (1.5ym& 7mf) to my parents (59m & 56f).
while there, numerous times my mom would tell me i was doing or being unsafe with my kids. for example, they only have one high chair so my daughter was sitting on the counter directly in front of me. or i was holding my son in their pool with no floaties on (he doesn’t know how to swim on his own yet & i was only with him, no other distractions). in each scenario i would tell my mom “i’m with them, they’re safe, please leave it be.” she would overstep that boundary and then do the thing she offered even though i had already told her no. for example, pushing me out of the way to hold my daughter on the counter herself. or making a rule that my son couldn’t swim without a puddle jumper on (which he doesn’t know how to use, and cries when we’d put it on him).
after the weekend i sent her a message that i felt unheard and disregarded when i told her no about something in regards to my children and she didn’t listen.
she hasn’t responded. she’s now saying she is upset that no one asked how the first day of her new job went (that as far as i knew, wasn’t happening anymore). that no one gives a shit about what she says. and has told my dad she “doesn’t know how respond to me & that she’d do it again to keep her grandkids safe.”
i’m genuinely starting to question if i’m an ah for trying to establish this particular boundary. so aita for telling her what she did was wrong? am i in the wrong?
edit to add: in regards to floaties thing, yes i agree she can have rules for her pool. but my issue is she made the rule when my son wouldn’t put them on and we didn’t force him to. it was never a rule before and was definitely not a rule for any other kids/grandkids swimming with a parent or adult.
| 160 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vmo315/aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_cant_disregard_my/
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2022-06-28 14:05:55
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nta for 90%.
if it's her pool, i feel it legitimately is her call on how kids are allowed in. even if you had it handled...that's her pool. if a guest came to my house and wanted to swim naked, or if i knew they couldn't swim and they wanted to jump in the deep end, i'd tell em they can't get in. my pool, my rule.
disregarding what you're saying entirely, however, and even *pushing you aside* to do what she wants instead is rude af. sorry you're not being respected as a parent. :<
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mostly nta. but i would say if she's uncomfortable with a child her pool without a life vest etc i think that's her call.
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nta she already had her time raising kids she is not their mother she is a grandma and if she won’t back off she will not get to spend time with them end of story.
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nta. pushing you out of the way to hold your daughter herself is unacceptable. it's rude and it's a power play. you are entirely in the right to assert your authority over your children. she needs to accept that she does not out rank you. she says 'she'll do it again to keep her grandkids safe.' you are not doing anything dangerous with your kids. you are closely supervising them. please tell her that if she won't respect your parenting she will not see very much of your children.
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nta they're your kids and you know what's right for them. she's understandably protective, but she can't be the one making rules for your children.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: over the weekend, my husband (26m) and i (26f) took our kids (1.5ym& 7mf) to my parents (59m & 56f). while there, numerous times my mom would tell me i was doing or being unsafe with my kids. for example, they only have one high chair so my daughter was sitting on the counter directly in front of me. or i was holding my son in their pool with no floaties on (he doesn’t know how to swim on his own yet & i was only with him, no other distractions). in each scenario i would tell my mom “i’m with them, they’re safe, please leave it be.” she would overstep that boundary and then do the thing she offered even though i had already told her no. for example, pushing me out of the way to hold my daughter on the counter herself. or making a rule that my son couldn’t swim without a puddle jumper on (which he doesn’t know how to use, and cries when we’d put it on him). after the weekend i sent her a message that i felt unheard and disregarded when i told her no about something in regards to my children and she didn’t listen. she hasn’t responded. she’s now saying she is upset that no one asked how the first day of her new job went (that as far as i knew, wasn’t happening anymore). that no one gives a shit about what she says. and has told my dad she “doesn’t know how respond to me & that she’d do it again to keep her grandkids safe.” i’m genuinely starting to question if i’m an ah for trying to establish this particular boundary. so aita for telling her what she did was wrong? am i in the wrong? edit to add: in regards to floaties thing, yes i agree she can have rules for her pool. but my issue is she made the rule when my son wouldn’t put them on and we didn’t force him to. it was never a rule before and was definitely not a rule for any other kids/grandkids swimming with a parent or adult.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
over the weekend, my husband (26m) and i (26f) took our kids (1.5ym& 7mf) to my parents (59m & 56f). while there, numerous times my mom would tell me i was doing or being unsafe with my kids. for example, they only have one high chair so my daughter was sitting on the counter directly in front of me. or i was holding my son in their pool with no floaties on (he doesn’t know how to swim on his own yet & i was only with him, no other distractions). in each scenario i would tell my mom “i’m with them, they’re safe, please leave it be.” she would overstep that boundary and then do the thing she offered even though i had already told her no. for example, pushing me out of the way to hold my daughter on the counter herself. or making a rule that my son couldn’t swim without a puddle jumper on (which he doesn’t know how to use, and cries when we’d put it on him). after the weekend i sent her a message that i felt unheard and disregarded when i told her no about something in regards to my children and she didn’t listen. she hasn’t responded. she’s now saying she is upset that no one asked how the first day of her new job went (that as far as i knew, wasn’t happening anymore). that no one gives a shit about what she says. and has told my dad she “doesn’t know how respond to me & that she’d do it again to keep her grandkids safe.” i’m genuinely starting to question if i’m an ah for trying to establish this particular boundary. so aita for telling her what she did was wrong? am i in the wrong? edit to add: in regards to floaties thing, yes i agree she can have rules for her pool. but my issue is she made the rule when my son wouldn’t put them on and we didn’t force him to. it was never a rule before and was definitely not a rule for any other kids/grandkids swimming with a parent or adult. [/INST] nta for 90%. if it's her pool, i feel it legitimately is her call on how kids are allowed in. even if you had it handled...that's her pool. if a guest came to my house and wanted to swim naked, or if i knew they couldn't swim and they wanted to jump in the deep end, i'd tell em they can't get in. my pool, my rule. disregarding what you're saying entirely, however, and even *pushing you aside* to do what she wants instead is rude af. sorry you're not being respected as a parent. :< </s>
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AITA for not wanting my father to have custody over me anymore?
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so i(15m) am a very small person. like i'm 5,1 at 15 and male and i have small frame. no one knows why everyone in family that is male has a pretty big frame and atleast 5,9 by 18. my levels on everything are fine i'm going through puberty ok it's just my gene's are fucky i guess. well my parents are a bit older. they are in there mid 50s. i'm the youngest of 4 so it's to be expected they had me a little later on. well my parents got divorced when i was 6. my mom remarried my dad stayed single. well my latest vist at my dads he got a little drunk and came in my room and started yelling "look at you, you are a bitch! if i knew you would have turned out this way i would have pulled out 15 years ago." i started crying cuz this was out of nowhere. my sister(17f) came in the room and started fighting with my dad and i called my mom. my mom called the cops. no charges were given out but my sister and i were given to our mom. the next morning my dad apologized saying he didnt mean it and he is just really stressed and begged me not to leave him saying my sister and i are all he has left. stuff like this is the reason my parents got divorced. he doesnt drink often but when he does he is a horrible person that just hurts everyone around him. this is the first time one of his drunk out burst were at me and i never want to experience it again. i told my mom to tell my dad i will see him still but i am not staying over his house. now he is trying to say in the divorce he gets friday after school to monday morning. my mom found a way for us not to go back until we go to court again. am i the asshole. i feel like since he apologized i should give him a chance but at the same time it was so traumatizing especially since he knows how insecure i am about my body.
| 1,977 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fnz6x3/aita_for_not_wanting_my_father_to_have_custody/
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2020-03-24 04:50:45
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nta. wtf? who would say that to their kids?
it’s you choice op, if you don’t feel safe or loved by your father, then you shouldn’t have to live with him.
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nta.
go to the court and tell them you do not want to spend the night. they will listen to you at your age.
you are being very generous by forgiving him and being willing to spend time with him. he needs to go to rehab, tbh.
i'm sorry.
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nta op. it's great that you're standing up for yourself in an appropriate way; what your dad did isn't right and you're asserting that. make sure that your feelings are represented in court.
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nta. a parent should never ever treat their child that way. you are not to blame for this, at all. good on your mom for immediately taking you two and filing papers with the court. at your age they will strongly listen to your wants
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nta. firstly, it seems like this has been a recurring experience for your mother, which is why she divorced him (or at least part of the reason). if he turns into an asshole when he drinks, then he shouldn't drink. if he drinks anyway, then is an asshole to "all he has left" (i.e., you and your sister), then he doesn't deserve a chance right now. he is refusing to change. in his case, the only way to maybe get through to him that his behavior isn't okay is to show him some more consequences.
also, you're 15. prime puberty time. it's okay that you feel insecure about your body, especially since it's changing. just because you have a smaller frame and stuff rn doesn't mean you won't grow. and even if you don't, it doesn't matter that much. just try to be a good person and stuff, and you'll be fine, my dude.
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nta - your dad needs to talk to someone about he's drinking. cuz those words won't just leave your mind. you should support him if he's actually getting help but don't put yourself at risk if you don't see him at least trying. saying sorry is one thing actually showing you're going to do better is anything.
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nta
if he's terrible when he drinks, he shouldn't drink. him continuing to drink is making the decision to risk hurting the people around him. he metaphorically drunk drove his marriage into a tree, and now he's drunk driving his relationships with his kid into another one.
even if he was drunk, the thought would have to be already in there for it to come out. now that you've heard it, you know it's there, so i can understand why want to live elsewhere.
one can forgive someone without presenting them the opportunity to hurt them again. you moving out is protecting yourself.
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nta. you say this was the reason your parents got divorced 9 years ago, so i'm assuming this behaviour has been a problem that ruined your dad's relationships for 10+ years. that is a lot of time to try and get it under control. no idea what your dad has done about it, but at this stage an apology just isn't enough.
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nta my dad was like that and he'd forget what an asshole he was after and just do it again and again, started making excuses as to how it's not really his fault. it doesn't get better until they fully realize the consequences and decide to change. you can't really control that but you can control your exposure to it and what you're willing to put up with and accept.
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nta. hun, your dad is an alcoholic. if he knows he hurts people in his life when he drinks, and yet he keeps drinking anyway, even when they leave him, he is prioritising booze over everything else. that means he has a problem.
he could have stopped drinking any time, because then he wouldn't have hurt you. but he didn't. he made his choice. apologies don't mean anything when you can't trust the person not to do it again.
forgiving is not the same as forgetting. he has a problem, and he made his choices and you don't have to stay mad at him, but that also doesn't mean you have to put yourself back in the firing line. if a snake bit you when you had your hand in its cage, you wouldn't be angry, right? but you also would not put your hand back in the cage.
i think you'd probably really benefit from going to a support group like al-anon. maybe see if your mom can find any in your area you can attend. they'll help you deal with your dad's behaviour and how you feel about it. even in lockdown, they probably do online sessions.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i(15m) am a very small person. like i'm 5,1 at 15 and male and i have small frame. no one knows why everyone in family that is male has a pretty big frame and atleast 5,9 by 18. my levels on everything are fine i'm going through puberty ok it's just my gene's are fucky i guess. well my parents are a bit older. they are in there mid 50s. i'm the youngest of 4 so it's to be expected they had me a little later on. well my parents got divorced when i was 6. my mom remarried my dad stayed single. well my latest vist at my dads he got a little drunk and came in my room and started yelling "look at you, you are a bitch! if i knew you would have turned out this way i would have pulled out 15 years ago." i started crying cuz this was out of nowhere. my sister(17f) came in the room and started fighting with my dad and i called my mom. my mom called the cops. no charges were given out but my sister and i were given to our mom. the next morning my dad apologized saying he didnt mean it and he is just really stressed and begged me not to leave him saying my sister and i are all he has left. stuff like this is the reason my parents got divorced. he doesnt drink often but when he does he is a horrible person that just hurts everyone around him. this is the first time one of his drunk out burst were at me and i never want to experience it again. i told my mom to tell my dad i will see him still but i am not staying over his house. now he is trying to say in the divorce he gets friday after school to monday morning. my mom found a way for us not to go back until we go to court again. am i the asshole. i feel like since he apologized i should give him a chance but at the same time it was so traumatizing especially since he knows how insecure i am about my body.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i(15m) am a very small person. like i'm 5,1 at 15 and male and i have small frame. no one knows why everyone in family that is male has a pretty big frame and atleast 5,9 by 18. my levels on everything are fine i'm going through puberty ok it's just my gene's are fucky i guess. well my parents are a bit older. they are in there mid 50s. i'm the youngest of 4 so it's to be expected they had me a little later on. well my parents got divorced when i was 6. my mom remarried my dad stayed single. well my latest vist at my dads he got a little drunk and came in my room and started yelling "look at you, you are a bitch! if i knew you would have turned out this way i would have pulled out 15 years ago." i started crying cuz this was out of nowhere. my sister(17f) came in the room and started fighting with my dad and i called my mom. my mom called the cops. no charges were given out but my sister and i were given to our mom. the next morning my dad apologized saying he didnt mean it and he is just really stressed and begged me not to leave him saying my sister and i are all he has left. stuff like this is the reason my parents got divorced. he doesnt drink often but when he does he is a horrible person that just hurts everyone around him. this is the first time one of his drunk out burst were at me and i never want to experience it again. i told my mom to tell my dad i will see him still but i am not staying over his house. now he is trying to say in the divorce he gets friday after school to monday morning. my mom found a way for us not to go back until we go to court again. am i the asshole. i feel like since he apologized i should give him a chance but at the same time it was so traumatizing especially since he knows how insecure i am about my body. [/INST] nta. wtf? who would say that to their kids? it’s you choice op, if you don’t feel safe or loved by your father, then you shouldn’t have to live with him. </s>
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AITA for feeling upset? Pregnancy joy overshadowed by SIL's infertility
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my husband and i are having our first baby. my family is thrilled, but when we announced it to my husband's parents, their reactions were muted, to say the least. i was very surprised by this as i have known them and considered them close family for 10 years. they didn't get up from the couch or hug us at all. after a few initial questions, my mil announced that, "sil is going to be really upset about this". some backstory, my husband's sister has been married for 4 years and she and her husband have been unable to get pregnant. unbeknownst to myself or my husband, my sil has started seeing a fertility specialist the past few months. i think this is wonderful news as i know she wants children very badly and i wish her nothing but good things.
however, i was very upset that our moment of joy had cold water thrown on it. i felt almost guilty for getting pregnant. my mil quickly told us not to tell sil ourselves and that she'd handle it. a couple weeks later was easter and when we arrived for lunch, we were told that sil and husband weren't coming. i asked if they were going to bil's family instead. my mil said she was just going to be honest and tell me that sil just couldn't bear to see me and didn't want to come ruin easter by crying the whole time. i got so mad and walked to the bathroom to cry. my husband said i was rude and to calm down, but i felt like my sil, like in all past family events, is making the situation about her. it feels like we're not allowed to be overtly happy. we ended up leaving so i could cry in a parking lot for 30 minutes. i felt embarrassed, but my husband was sympathetic and understood that it's been hard to control my emotions during the pregnancy. i just couldn't suppress it and had to cry it out. my mil apologized for upsetting me and said she loved me. we returned to lunch and pretended nothing happened and they didn't bring up sil again.
i brought it up to my husband how unhappy i am with his family recently, and he was caught completely by surprise. he thought i was "over it". his sister has still not even texted him to congratulate him and his family has not reached out to us in support the way i thought they would. aita for "choosing to be mad" about this? i don't want to fight with his family, but i feel very alone in my feelings. my family lives 3 hours away, so with everything going on, i had been planning to rely on my mil for support and comfort. but it feels like she's choosing her daughter's feelings over mine. i'm not saying i don't understand why she's concerned for her daughter, but i'm feeling very neglected.
| 614 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g7cs1f/aita_for_feeling_upset_pregnancy_joy_overshadowed/
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2020-04-24 17:39:28
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nta
your feelings are valid and congratulations! as someone who has struggled with infertility in the past, i can tell you that i was always really disappointed when people tried to hide their pregnancies from me as though i wasn’t a complex enough person to feel sad about my own lack of children while being excited for their new arrival. it’s disheartening that your in laws made your announcement about someone else’s struggle and honestly i would tell them that. you can be both sympathetic to your sil’s plight but excited about your own joy. it does sound like you’ve married into a family of emotional enablers though based off of your in-law’s and husband’s reactions :(
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woman with infertility here.
**nta**
someone needs to explain to all those who are not happy for you that pregnancy is not a zero sum game, and that you successfully getting pregnant does nothing to affect your sil's chances of achieving the same goal.
congratulations!
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nta. listen, i've had multiple miscarriages and will never carry a baby to term. that's the lot i've drawn in life. and when i wake up every morning i have two choices: i can be bitter or i can be better. it takes a lot of energy to be bitter. it takes so very little to be better; to accept your circumstances; and to be happy for those around you when they have joys to celebrate. i get the pain your sil is going through, believe me, i get it. but there comes a point where you say, okay, this can't rule my life anymore and it sure as hell can't take away from the joys my loved ones, friends and family are celebrating. she is doing herself no favors by not dealing with the circumstances she is going through head on and by thinking that she can just avoid anyone or anything that might remind her of them. she will ruin all of her relationships with other people and her own sanity. avoidance gets you nowhere--acceptance is the pathway she needs to follow. acceptance of what might and will be for her life circumstances. we do not all follow the same paths in life--as life is a journey not a race or a competition. there are different paths for us all and while we might not be happy or understand why we can't have the same things as others, there is always a reason. she is having a hard time accepting that right now.
with all of that being said, congratulations!! this is an incredibly exciting time for you and i'm sorry it's being marred by someone else's life circumstances. please do not let this dim your light! you and your husband are going through a very incredible thing and you have every reason to be celebrate this addition to your life! please try to focus on your happiness and not your sil's inability to celebrate with you. she isn't capable of that yet. is it fair to you? no. but life isn't being very fair to her at the moment either. perhaps a bit of understanding on both of your parts would help. :)
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nta
my guess is your sil is the golden child. i say this because your mil's immediate response to your pregnancy announcement was concern about sil, not congratulations for the two of you and then concern about sil.
also, fair warning that you can't trust your mil. the whole "let me tell sil" and then sil and bil not being present at the holiday get together sounds like mil is probably stirring up drama with sil and very possibly setting you up as a bad guy in the process.
my advice: to the best of your ability, ignore any drama with the ils. don't try to make them your friends because it will never happen, don't trust anything your mil says (instead pay attention to her actions), and take a big step back on the communication front with them. decrease how much hurt they can cause you.
if you're "friends" on social media, consider unfollowing their feeds, and change your settings so they don't automatically see your posts. don't reach out to them to discuss the details of your life. they are your relatives by marriage, but not your friends.
adopt a more relaxed and casual relationship so they can't cause you as much pain.
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nah i might be the odd one out but it doesn't sound to me like the sister is an asshole. she wasn't mean or rude as far as i can tell. she declined to go to an event because she knew she would struggle and likely upset op. if she had shown up and cried op would have been pissed about that too. it doesn't sound like the sister is "making it about her", it sounds like she's distancing herself from a difficult situation until she can handle it.
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esh
i think your mil should be able to be happy for you even though she is sensitive to her daughter’s feelings. i think it sucks that she was not more excited about your news, especially since you announced to just the parents, not in front of your sil.
on the other hand, expecting your sil to send you a congratulatory text or be there with you in person when she is clearly not in a good emotional state for that is unreasonable. it is not personal. the stress of infertility/infertility treatments has been shown to be equivalent to levels of stress in people with cancer. if she’s doing treatment, her hormones may also be pretty intense (just to give you an idea, when i was going through stimulations for ivf, over the course of 7 days my estrogen levels rose from nearly undetectable to a level that would be normally reached during the second trimester of pregnancy after gradual rise over 12+ weeks).
many women dealing with infertility will not have the emotional bandwidth to be able to be visibly happy around pregnant relatives/friends, as there are too many mixed emotions. i am seemingly/outwardly okay around pregnant people, but it is really emotionally draining and hard. for many women it is too much.
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nta. your husbands reaction to you being upset was plain wrong.
i suffered from infertility and although it is hard to see others get pregnant while you are in the throws of it, you don't behave like that. i was in the midst of a miscarriage when my brother announced that he and his wife were pregnant, and i congratulated them and got over it. i would never let my inner issues affect my family to the point that i avoided family gatherings or not congratulate others on their pregnancy.
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aw man, i’m gonna go yta for the way your reacted and continue to react. sil made a choice to skip easter so she wouldn’t be bummed out and ruin easter but then you got mad and bummed out and ruined easter. she’s allowed to have mixed emotions and protect herself. she didn’t ban you from easter or say shitty things. she skipped a single event for her mental health. then she got her shit together and congratulated your husband and you’re still pissed. it just took her a minute to get right. it’s taking you months to get over it. everyone reacted poorly, but not atrociously, except kind of you are right now.
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i'm gonna go against the grain and say yta, but not for your feelings. you want to be excited but no one will be excited with you which is clearly bumming you out, but you still need to control those emotions, at least with your in laws. with your husband you should be able to have any outburst you please because in a sense he's someone who signed up for that by marrying you.
your sil staying away and not congratulating you was her controling her emotions not only for her mental health, but yours too. she knew it wasn't fair to anyone, no one signed up to take up her emotional burden so she stayed away until she could control her emotions and be happy for you.
although i will point out the biggest ah is your mil as she is the actual one stirring the pot while your sil is trying to keep her feelings quiet. she didn't ask anyone to keep their excitement down around you or burden you with her sadness, they chose that on their own which considering it is her daughter, someone she birthed and raised, i understand why they're being really cautious of her feelings, but they also need to consider their son and you as an extention of him.
as for the other women here who had infertility and are saying the sil needs to get over it, i'd like to point out that it probably was a process to get to the state of peace you are at and that like all women's experience in pregnancy aren't the same neither are all women's experience in infertility. it's going to take time for sil to not feel inadequate in her ability to be pregnant and watch another person who "is" and respect her choice to seperate from the situation. i suggest you do the same and focus on your own excitement with your husband instead of others because you can't control them, but you can control you.
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yta. your sil specifically didn't make it about her. she avoided the gathering because she knew it would be upsetting for her, and didn't want to make people uncomfortable. you took that too personally and made a scene. it seems like your mil has been loving and supportive, you're just mad that she's not solely focused on you. you're complaining people aren't taking your feelings into consideration, but this whole post you couldn't once stop and realize how much pain your sil is probably in. instead you just want her and her family to suck it up and be happy for you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.576 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i are having our first baby. my family is thrilled, but when we announced it to my husband's parents, their reactions were muted, to say the least. i was very surprised by this as i have known them and considered them close family for 10 years. they didn't get up from the couch or hug us at all. after a few initial questions, my mil announced that, "sil is going to be really upset about this". some backstory, my husband's sister has been married for 4 years and she and her husband have been unable to get pregnant. unbeknownst to myself or my husband, my sil has started seeing a fertility specialist the past few months. i think this is wonderful news as i know she wants children very badly and i wish her nothing but good things. however, i was very upset that our moment of joy had cold water thrown on it. i felt almost guilty for getting pregnant. my mil quickly told us not to tell sil ourselves and that she'd handle it. a couple weeks later was easter and when we arrived for lunch, we were told that sil and husband weren't coming. i asked if they were going to bil's family instead. my mil said she was just going to be honest and tell me that sil just couldn't bear to see me and didn't want to come ruin easter by crying the whole time. i got so mad and walked to the bathroom to cry. my husband said i was rude and to calm down, but i felt like my sil, like in all past family events, is making the situation about her. it feels like we're not allowed to be overtly happy. we ended up leaving so i could cry in a parking lot for 30 minutes. i felt embarrassed, but my husband was sympathetic and understood that it's been hard to control my emotions during the pregnancy. i just couldn't suppress it and had to cry it out. my mil apologized for upsetting me and said she loved me. we returned to lunch and pretended nothing happened and they didn't bring up sil again. i brought it up to my husband how unhappy i am with his family recently, and he was caught completely by surprise. he thought i was "over it". his sister has still not even texted him to congratulate him and his family has not reached out to us in support the way i thought they would. aita for "choosing to be mad" about this? i don't want to fight with his family, but i feel very alone in my feelings. my family lives 3 hours away, so with everything going on, i had been planning to rely on my mil for support and comfort. but it feels like she's choosing her daughter's feelings over mine. i'm not saying i don't understand why she's concerned for her daughter, but i'm feeling very neglected.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i are having our first baby. my family is thrilled, but when we announced it to my husband's parents, their reactions were muted, to say the least. i was very surprised by this as i have known them and considered them close family for 10 years. they didn't get up from the couch or hug us at all. after a few initial questions, my mil announced that, "sil is going to be really upset about this". some backstory, my husband's sister has been married for 4 years and she and her husband have been unable to get pregnant. unbeknownst to myself or my husband, my sil has started seeing a fertility specialist the past few months. i think this is wonderful news as i know she wants children very badly and i wish her nothing but good things. however, i was very upset that our moment of joy had cold water thrown on it. i felt almost guilty for getting pregnant. my mil quickly told us not to tell sil ourselves and that she'd handle it. a couple weeks later was easter and when we arrived for lunch, we were told that sil and husband weren't coming. i asked if they were going to bil's family instead. my mil said she was just going to be honest and tell me that sil just couldn't bear to see me and didn't want to come ruin easter by crying the whole time. i got so mad and walked to the bathroom to cry. my husband said i was rude and to calm down, but i felt like my sil, like in all past family events, is making the situation about her. it feels like we're not allowed to be overtly happy. we ended up leaving so i could cry in a parking lot for 30 minutes. i felt embarrassed, but my husband was sympathetic and understood that it's been hard to control my emotions during the pregnancy. i just couldn't suppress it and had to cry it out. my mil apologized for upsetting me and said she loved me. we returned to lunch and pretended nothing happened and they didn't bring up sil again. i brought it up to my husband how unhappy i am with his family recently, and he was caught completely by surprise. he thought i was "over it". his sister has still not even texted him to congratulate him and his family has not reached out to us in support the way i thought they would. aita for "choosing to be mad" about this? i don't want to fight with his family, but i feel very alone in my feelings. my family lives 3 hours away, so with everything going on, i had been planning to rely on my mil for support and comfort. but it feels like she's choosing her daughter's feelings over mine. i'm not saying i don't understand why she's concerned for her daughter, but i'm feeling very neglected. [/INST] nta your feelings are valid and congratulations! as someone who has struggled with infertility in the past, i can tell you that i was always really disappointed when people tried to hide their pregnancies from me as though i wasn’t a complex enough person to feel sad about my own lack of children while being excited for their new arrival. it’s disheartening that your in laws made your announcement about someone else’s struggle and honestly i would tell them that. you can be both sympathetic to your sil’s plight but excited about your own joy. it does sound like you’ve married into a family of emotional enablers though based off of your in-law’s and husband’s reactions :( </s>
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AITA for refusing to give my sister any of our fathers possessions after she threatened to take my house?
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backstory my(23f) step father(59m) passed away over 2 years ago suddenly. prior to his passing my sister(38f) wasn't very active in his life, she wouldn't call, visit, etc... dad would call her at least twice a week every week and write her letters. the whole family attempted to reach her aswell but she refused to talk with our father. christmas before he passed she showed up to the house, yelled at him and called him and various family members pretty much every name in the book and said never to contact her again.
fast forward 4 months and our father passed away unexpectedly. she made an appearance at the funeral then she disappeared, and up until a few weeks ago when she showed up at my home out of the blue.
our father had a will, i was listed as in charge of his estate and all of his possessions but he did have very specific possessions in his will to be given to his son(35m) and other daughter(33f). there was also specific instructions that sister(38f) wasn't to be given anything.
when she came to my home she handed me a list of our dads possessions that she wanted. most of the items on the list were already given to the perspective family members, i was just gonna give her some of our fathers motorcycle memorabilia and be done with it. well she decided that wasn't enough and has been threatening legal action against me stating that my house that our father left to me should be hers and that because she's the oldest that she has legal right to it. after she said this i decided to not give her anything and told her if she came back i'd have her arrested for trespassing.
ever since this encounter a good portion of our family is harassing me for this stating how that because i'm not his real daughter i shouldn't be so greedy towards his possessions and to give my sister some things.
my other siblings agree with my decision but a part of me still feels like i'm being an asshole.
| 249 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/girppr/aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_sister_any_of_our/
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2020-05-13 04:16:11
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nta
it is your father's wishes. your father gets to decide what he gives to whom whether he's a stepfather, or a bio father.
your father decided. respect that and execute his wishes appropriately.
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nta, your father already made his decision. tell the folks harassing you that you are trying to respect the last wishes of the deceased and they can pound sand.
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nta.
firstly, sorry for your loss. secondly. you have executed the request of his will and you are the heir to everything he left behind to you. she can threaten legal action however there is a willlll, a legal document already establishing who does and doesn’t get what.
she chose to act however she acted toward your dad and is now suffering the after consequences of lack of communication with him.
you owe her nothing.
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nta. it’s best to respect the deceased’s intentions in situations like these.
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nta- you’re sister sounds like a complete asshole for not caring and only wanting physical items.
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nta your father wrote the will your part in it is executor your obligated to see this will seen through to end. just to be safe head over to r\legaladvise about this as they have a lot of advise on probate matters. if what she wanted is already given out to their respective new owners might want to give them a heads up as i wouldn't put it past her to try lie or take it. as for the rest of family just respond with "its my house now if you think its selfish and not fair to sister why aren't you giving her your house? after all you are so generously giving me your 2 cents worth in a matter you have no say in."
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nta
his will literally says not to give her anything. i don't get how you're ta for just following his wishes
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nta, it was clear in the will. which is binding and she has no say. even if she tried to take you t court. the paper work doesn't lie.
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: backstory my(23f) step father(59m) passed away over 2 years ago suddenly. prior to his passing my sister(38f) wasn't very active in his life, she wouldn't call, visit, etc... dad would call her at least twice a week every week and write her letters. the whole family attempted to reach her aswell but she refused to talk with our father. christmas before he passed she showed up to the house, yelled at him and called him and various family members pretty much every name in the book and said never to contact her again. fast forward 4 months and our father passed away unexpectedly. she made an appearance at the funeral then she disappeared, and up until a few weeks ago when she showed up at my home out of the blue. our father had a will, i was listed as in charge of his estate and all of his possessions but he did have very specific possessions in his will to be given to his son(35m) and other daughter(33f). there was also specific instructions that sister(38f) wasn't to be given anything. when she came to my home she handed me a list of our dads possessions that she wanted. most of the items on the list were already given to the perspective family members, i was just gonna give her some of our fathers motorcycle memorabilia and be done with it. well she decided that wasn't enough and has been threatening legal action against me stating that my house that our father left to me should be hers and that because she's the oldest that she has legal right to it. after she said this i decided to not give her anything and told her if she came back i'd have her arrested for trespassing. ever since this encounter a good portion of our family is harassing me for this stating how that because i'm not his real daughter i shouldn't be so greedy towards his possessions and to give my sister some things. my other siblings agree with my decision but a part of me still feels like i'm being an asshole.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
backstory my(23f) step father(59m) passed away over 2 years ago suddenly. prior to his passing my sister(38f) wasn't very active in his life, she wouldn't call, visit, etc... dad would call her at least twice a week every week and write her letters. the whole family attempted to reach her aswell but she refused to talk with our father. christmas before he passed she showed up to the house, yelled at him and called him and various family members pretty much every name in the book and said never to contact her again. fast forward 4 months and our father passed away unexpectedly. she made an appearance at the funeral then she disappeared, and up until a few weeks ago when she showed up at my home out of the blue. our father had a will, i was listed as in charge of his estate and all of his possessions but he did have very specific possessions in his will to be given to his son(35m) and other daughter(33f). there was also specific instructions that sister(38f) wasn't to be given anything. when she came to my home she handed me a list of our dads possessions that she wanted. most of the items on the list were already given to the perspective family members, i was just gonna give her some of our fathers motorcycle memorabilia and be done with it. well she decided that wasn't enough and has been threatening legal action against me stating that my house that our father left to me should be hers and that because she's the oldest that she has legal right to it. after she said this i decided to not give her anything and told her if she came back i'd have her arrested for trespassing. ever since this encounter a good portion of our family is harassing me for this stating how that because i'm not his real daughter i shouldn't be so greedy towards his possessions and to give my sister some things. my other siblings agree with my decision but a part of me still feels like i'm being an asshole. [/INST] nta it is your father's wishes. your father gets to decide what he gives to whom whether he's a stepfather, or a bio father. your father decided. respect that and execute his wishes appropriately. </s>
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AITA for refusing to tie my GF's shoes?
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a few days ago i got into a bizarre argument with my gf. we were walking around town and one of her shoes got untied. she asked me if i could tie it for her. i told her that she can tie them herself. this kind of devolved into a small argument, where she said that i was too prideful to do a nice gesture for her in public. i said that she's not a little kid and that she's perfectly able to tie her own shoes. then she was like, "i see plenty of boyfriends tying their girlfriends' shoes in public, i don't know why you can't do the same".
at that point i just changed the topic and she took the hint and stopped bringing it up. overall i'm all for doing sweet gestures, but i feel like asking me to tie her shoes was a little weird of a request. like, why ask me to do something a kid should be able to do? is this really a thing that girls like their boyfriends to do for them? was i being an asshole here?
| 263 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e2g3x1/aita_for_refusing_to_tie_my_gfs_shoes/
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2019-11-27 13:37:28
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nta i honestly think she just wanted to show off a "sweet boyfriend". you can be a good bf without doing this. i only asked my husband to do this when i was 9 months preggo and would topple to the side if i attempted to do so.
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nta.
that is belittling her by demonstrating in public how childlike she is.
if i saw this, i would assume she was mentally or physically incapable of doing it herself.
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nta - that is a weird request. it’d be understandable if her arms were full or something but it’s not even like that’s terribly romantic?
it may be less about the shoelaces and more about your gf just wanting a little more romance in the relationship. keep an eye out for opportunities to open the door for her or lend her your coat if you want to smooth things over.
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the people voting anything but nta are fucking weird here.
she is a grown ass woman. tie her own damn shoes.
this disgusting infantilization of women, requested by some women, are so damn sad and counterproductive to everything we’ve been fighting for.
/angry woman
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nta
i don't think that i ever saw any adult tying the shoes of another adult who could tie their own shoes.
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nah. sounds like she was trying to make it into something cute and you just didn’t go for it.
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nta. seems like some kind of weird powerplay - like "you would if you loved me" sort of shit.
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nta. unless she's hugely pregnant or has some other legitimate reason she can't do it herself that's a ridiculous thing to expect.
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lol
my husband usually has zero sympathy for me if i wear a pair of shoes that are too tight fitting and he'll straight up tell me to stop complaining. i get it, i'm an adult. but he has tied my shoes for me when he noticed they were untied. he did it without being asked because he wanted to. it was not asked or demanded. nice gestures are just that, nice but doesn't have to be expected.
nta
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info: would she have any difficulty bending down to tie her shoes? was she wearing something that she might not want to bend down in?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.007204 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a few days ago i got into a bizarre argument with my gf. we were walking around town and one of her shoes got untied. she asked me if i could tie it for her. i told her that she can tie them herself. this kind of devolved into a small argument, where she said that i was too prideful to do a nice gesture for her in public. i said that she's not a little kid and that she's perfectly able to tie her own shoes. then she was like, "i see plenty of boyfriends tying their girlfriends' shoes in public, i don't know why you can't do the same". at that point i just changed the topic and she took the hint and stopped bringing it up. overall i'm all for doing sweet gestures, but i feel like asking me to tie her shoes was a little weird of a request. like, why ask me to do something a kid should be able to do? is this really a thing that girls like their boyfriends to do for them? was i being an asshole here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a few days ago i got into a bizarre argument with my gf. we were walking around town and one of her shoes got untied. she asked me if i could tie it for her. i told her that she can tie them herself. this kind of devolved into a small argument, where she said that i was too prideful to do a nice gesture for her in public. i said that she's not a little kid and that she's perfectly able to tie her own shoes. then she was like, "i see plenty of boyfriends tying their girlfriends' shoes in public, i don't know why you can't do the same". at that point i just changed the topic and she took the hint and stopped bringing it up. overall i'm all for doing sweet gestures, but i feel like asking me to tie her shoes was a little weird of a request. like, why ask me to do something a kid should be able to do? is this really a thing that girls like their boyfriends to do for them? was i being an asshole here? [/INST] nta i honestly think she just wanted to show off a "sweet boyfriend". you can be a good bf without doing this. i only asked my husband to do this when i was 9 months preggo and would topple to the side if i attempted to do so. </s>
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AITA for insisting my brother not bring his husband to my wedding?
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i know it sounds mean, but my bil seems to be really discriminatory towards us for being a straight couple.
i am bisexual, but fallen in love with a man i'm going to marry. my brother and his husband were friends with my ex girlfriend. i'm still friends with her, she's lovely, but we didn't work as a couple.
for 5 years now i've been dating, uh, let's call him jack we've decided to get married in august and have been planning for a while.
the wedding is not big, < 50 total guests, and we were going to give everyone in the bridal and uh, groominal (?) parties a +1, but no one else.
the thing is, my brother is one of my bridesmen (i have a moh and 3 bridesmen, my husband to be has a best man and mixed sex party).
this last weekend i went over to my family to hang out. cousins played board games, all the adults had drinks, typical big family hang out. but my bil was a bit too drunk and said some shitty things. and it's not the first time i've heard them, just the first time in maybe half a year.
he said that i was a traitor to our people for marrying a straight white man (we're white lmao). he said i broke up with my ex because i was ashamed of being a faggot. he also was comparing my fiancee with my ex (why would you date such an ugly man after such a pretty girl, he's so poor, you had a rich gay girlfriend ( not true, we're all middle-class) ).
eventually my brother took him home and my fiancee took me home.
i told him the next day if he couldn't apologize to us as a couple, and stop being so hetero phobic, he couldn't come to our wedding. my brother is saying he was just drunk and he'll behave. and our family is backing him up and telling me to let it go.
but i have yet to get an apology from bil. my brother is threatening to not be in the wedding party, and i would hate that. but i would hate including his shitty husband in my wedding more. i told brother i'd save him a piece of cake if he doesn't come.
am i the asshole for insisting bil cannot come without an apology? to both me and my husband to be?
| 5,527 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vbbf9h/aita_for_insisting_my_brother_not_bring_his/
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2022-06-13 12:47:27
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nta. fellow bisexual here in a straight-presenting relationship, and wow, do people love to judge us for not adhering to their vision of what being queer should look like, huh? imo, your bil needs to have a conversation with you and your husband *in person*, apologize to you both, and promise to be on his best behavior your wedding for you to allow him to attend. he behaved very badly. i think your brother will understand if you explain that his husband was hurtful and rude, and that he needs to take steps to clear the air if he wants to attend.
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this isn't about "heterophobia". this is about your bil saying nasty things about your soon-to-be husband and judging your relationship. being drunk is not an excuse, and this is absolutely the hill you should die on. he's disrespecting you, your fiance, and your relationship. and someone who thinks that has no place at your wedding. your bil sucks for saying those things, and your brother sucks for condoning it.
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nta, i think an apology is in place.
he needs to accept that it is your choice and, whether he agrees with you, by coming to your wedding he saying he supports your choice and whishes you happiness in your marriage.
so if he wants to come, he can tell you that he supports your choice, apologizes for his drunk remarks and whsihes the both of you the best. if he doesn't want to do that, why does he feel like he should go to a 'traitors' wedding?
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nta biphobia is so frustrating! just because a bi person is in a heteronormative relationship that doesn't make them straight or a liar or a fraud or whatever name people want to call us.
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nta. your wedding means your rules. also, if he gets that drunk and mean at family functions, what’s gonna happen at the wedding. would he stand up and object during that part of the ceremony?? plus no apology now possibly means he’s just not sorry and doesn’t think anything he said was wrong which makes all that other stuff i said more likely.
your brother is the ah though along with bil
might i also suggest a heart to heart with bil? have you ever had a real conversation with him about all of this? would that help or make it worse?
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thank you all, i think my family's splitness really colored my outlook here
thank you too the couple of people who pointed out how likely he is to behave the same way at the ceremony because i didn't even think of that...
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this isnt het-phobic. this is biphobic. this is exactly what biphobia and bi erasure look like. tell your bil if he can't be a little more actually queer he needs to stay away from your wedding. and your brother can step up and support you or he can stay home too.
congratulations on your wedding and i hope you have a great time and everyone who is mean about this falls into a ditch.
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so here’s the deal my sister married a black man (we’re white) we had some family who were very outspoken about not liking it. she didn’t invite them, why? because it’s her day and if the people there can’t be on her side why even come? why even have a situation where they will say something racist to her new family? he needs to apologize and still doesn’t need to be there.
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nta. you didn’t “betray” anyone, bisexual means attracted to men and woman after all.
if your bil doesn’t support your relationship then he shouldn’t be at a celebration for it. being drunk is no excuse, it simply made him uninhibited enough to say how he really felt and it wasn’t anything positive.
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nta
i am bisexual (female) and i married a straight man who is the love of my life.
if you could hear the amount of times straight people told me i made the "right choice" and queer people told me i was just taking the easy route cause i was "scared to marry women" (my ex girlfriend was the definition of toxic so i would have never married her).
is ridiculous. biphobia and heterophobia comes in all shapes and sizes and we get a lot more shit from the lgbtq community when we don't fit what they want us to portray, which i find hypocritical.
usually drunk words are sober thoughts.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i know it sounds mean, but my bil seems to be really discriminatory towards us for being a straight couple. i am bisexual, but fallen in love with a man i'm going to marry. my brother and his husband were friends with my ex girlfriend. i'm still friends with her, she's lovely, but we didn't work as a couple. for 5 years now i've been dating, uh, let's call him jack we've decided to get married in august and have been planning for a while. the wedding is not big, < 50 total guests, and we were going to give everyone in the bridal and uh, groominal (?) parties a +1, but no one else. the thing is, my brother is one of my bridesmen (i have a moh and 3 bridesmen, my husband to be has a best man and mixed sex party). this last weekend i went over to my family to hang out. cousins played board games, all the adults had drinks, typical big family hang out. but my bil was a bit too drunk and said some shitty things. and it's not the first time i've heard them, just the first time in maybe half a year. he said that i was a traitor to our people for marrying a straight white man (we're white lmao). he said i broke up with my ex because i was ashamed of being a faggot. he also was comparing my fiancee with my ex (why would you date such an ugly man after such a pretty girl, he's so poor, you had a rich gay girlfriend ( not true, we're all middle-class) ). eventually my brother took him home and my fiancee took me home. i told him the next day if he couldn't apologize to us as a couple, and stop being so hetero phobic, he couldn't come to our wedding. my brother is saying he was just drunk and he'll behave. and our family is backing him up and telling me to let it go. but i have yet to get an apology from bil. my brother is threatening to not be in the wedding party, and i would hate that. but i would hate including his shitty husband in my wedding more. i told brother i'd save him a piece of cake if he doesn't come. am i the asshole for insisting bil cannot come without an apology? to both me and my husband to be?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i know it sounds mean, but my bil seems to be really discriminatory towards us for being a straight couple. i am bisexual, but fallen in love with a man i'm going to marry. my brother and his husband were friends with my ex girlfriend. i'm still friends with her, she's lovely, but we didn't work as a couple. for 5 years now i've been dating, uh, let's call him jack we've decided to get married in august and have been planning for a while. the wedding is not big, < 50 total guests, and we were going to give everyone in the bridal and uh, groominal (?) parties a +1, but no one else. the thing is, my brother is one of my bridesmen (i have a moh and 3 bridesmen, my husband to be has a best man and mixed sex party). this last weekend i went over to my family to hang out. cousins played board games, all the adults had drinks, typical big family hang out. but my bil was a bit too drunk and said some shitty things. and it's not the first time i've heard them, just the first time in maybe half a year. he said that i was a traitor to our people for marrying a straight white man (we're white lmao). he said i broke up with my ex because i was ashamed of being a faggot. he also was comparing my fiancee with my ex (why would you date such an ugly man after such a pretty girl, he's so poor, you had a rich gay girlfriend ( not true, we're all middle-class) ). eventually my brother took him home and my fiancee took me home. i told him the next day if he couldn't apologize to us as a couple, and stop being so hetero phobic, he couldn't come to our wedding. my brother is saying he was just drunk and he'll behave. and our family is backing him up and telling me to let it go. but i have yet to get an apology from bil. my brother is threatening to not be in the wedding party, and i would hate that. but i would hate including his shitty husband in my wedding more. i told brother i'd save him a piece of cake if he doesn't come. am i the asshole for insisting bil cannot come without an apology? to both me and my husband to be? [/INST] nta. fellow bisexual here in a straight-presenting relationship, and wow, do people love to judge us for not adhering to their vision of what being queer should look like, huh? imo, your bil needs to have a conversation with you and your husband *in person*, apologize to you both, and promise to be on his best behavior your wedding for you to allow him to attend. he behaved very badly. i think your brother will understand if you explain that his husband was hurtful and rude, and that he needs to take steps to clear the air if he wants to attend. </s>
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AITA For Calling my Parents to come home early?
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i (14f) was recently left with my aunt (38f) and uncle (39m) and their two kids (7f & 4f). the night before my parents were due to come home i was sitting in my bed and i heard my aunt and uncle fighting. i didn't think much if it as i had heard them fight before. i turned off my light and went to bed, but at that point they were being much more aggressive. eventually they were full on screaming at eachother, i heard some loud bangs and i got super scared. i was worried that one of the kids would wake up and they wouldn't be able to properly handle the situation because they were mad. i called my mom and told her what was happening and she and my dad immediately came to our house (they were about 30 mins out of town). my parents came and my dad checked it out while my mom came up to me. ever since then the relationship with my aunt and uncle has been kinda weird and i am terrified to be in the same room alone with either of them. the fighting had ended shortly after i had called my mom. aita?
| 373 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yi4p9u/aita_for_calling_my_parents_to_come_home_early/
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2022-10-31 08:17:24
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nta.
don’t ever feel bad for calling your parents if you feel like you’re in an unsafe situation. you did the right thing mate and if your aunt/uncle make you feel bad about doing it, that says more about them than it ever could about you.
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nta. domestic violence is a real thing and who knows what could’ve happened. you were well within your rights.
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you’re a child, you didn’t feel safe, you called your parents. nta.
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forgot to mention that my aunt has talked to me as well and is mad that i overslept the next day because i couldn't sleep for hours. she also said that it was rude of me to talk to my parents about what i heard be cause it was a private matter and i should have just gone to sleep.
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nta when your gut tells you that you are not safe listen to it, it will serve you well. tell your parents what aunt & uncle have said to you since. that when they should be mortified and apologetic they instead blamed you, a child. i do wonder how their own kids cope with this environment. do your best not to be around them if you can help it, definitely don’t stay there again.
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nta and you did the right thing. you didn’t feel safe and you called your parents for help. your aunt and uncle probably feel very awkward, as they should. they are the adults and should have handled it differently.
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nta, but your aunt and uncle sure are. you made the best choice you could, adults need to protect the kids in their life. this is not your fault, if you need to talk to someone please tell your parents or guidance counselor at school.
i’m so sorry this happened to you.
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nta. your safety is paramount.
they’re lucky you didn’t call the police instead.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (14f) was recently left with my aunt (38f) and uncle (39m) and their two kids (7f & 4f). the night before my parents were due to come home i was sitting in my bed and i heard my aunt and uncle fighting. i didn't think much if it as i had heard them fight before. i turned off my light and went to bed, but at that point they were being much more aggressive. eventually they were full on screaming at eachother, i heard some loud bangs and i got super scared. i was worried that one of the kids would wake up and they wouldn't be able to properly handle the situation because they were mad. i called my mom and told her what was happening and she and my dad immediately came to our house (they were about 30 mins out of town). my parents came and my dad checked it out while my mom came up to me. ever since then the relationship with my aunt and uncle has been kinda weird and i am terrified to be in the same room alone with either of them. the fighting had ended shortly after i had called my mom. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (14f) was recently left with my aunt (38f) and uncle (39m) and their two kids (7f & 4f). the night before my parents were due to come home i was sitting in my bed and i heard my aunt and uncle fighting. i didn't think much if it as i had heard them fight before. i turned off my light and went to bed, but at that point they were being much more aggressive. eventually they were full on screaming at eachother, i heard some loud bangs and i got super scared. i was worried that one of the kids would wake up and they wouldn't be able to properly handle the situation because they were mad. i called my mom and told her what was happening and she and my dad immediately came to our house (they were about 30 mins out of town). my parents came and my dad checked it out while my mom came up to me. ever since then the relationship with my aunt and uncle has been kinda weird and i am terrified to be in the same room alone with either of them. the fighting had ended shortly after i had called my mom. aita? [/INST] nta. don’t ever feel bad for calling your parents if you feel like you’re in an unsafe situation. you did the right thing mate and if your aunt/uncle make you feel bad about doing it, that says more about them than it ever could about you. </s>
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AITA for catching a girl before she could fall?
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im 15 and in my school we were doing this sports day type thing. girls and boys are usually separated during sports but i was basically helping the pe teacher and supervising the games and stuff. they were doing dodgeball but the class is big so they were split into 2 groups. i was supervising one game and the teacher was supervising the other. the sports hall has a super hard laminate floor and you could seriously injure yourself if you hit your head/ put your arms out to catch yourself, and there was bunch of equipment on the sidelines so it was sort of a trip hazard. this girl, the same age as me was walking backwards holding a ball and tripped over one of the dodgeballs close to the back of the room. i was right behind her. if she had continued to fall backwards, she would have either a. hit her head off of the laminate floor or b. fell onto a stack of hockey sticks. i instinctively put my arms out to catch her and just put her down in a sitting position. i did not touch her inappropriately , my hands were well away from her chest or any other areas that could be considered sexual. i just tucked my hands beneath her armpits as she fell and set her on the floor. i didn’t think anything of it, i asked her if she was okay but she turned around and gave me a disgusted look and asked why i would grab her like that. i was confused because i meant no harm and i tried to explain to her that i did it instinctively so she wouldn’t have possibly gotten hurt but she literally just left the sports hall. the whole game. it upset her that much. i feel guilty but i also don’t know why at the same time. aita?
tldr: i caught a girl who was falling and she got very upset about it.
| 172 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tgloj1/aita_for_catching_a_girl_before_she_could_fall/
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2022-03-17 22:07:21
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nta. she may be overly sensitive, or she may have a story you don't know about. either way i'd let it go.
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nah i would really like to hear her side of this story tbh, i can’t help but think her perception might differ and explain her reaction.
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nta
i think maybe she didn't feel that she was in as much danger as you thought she was and didn't understand why you grabbed her.
either way not your fault and even if you did embrass her or accidentally touched her somewhere inappropriate it's better than her hurting herself.
sometimes it's better to just do what you feel is right at the time and apologise if there was some kind of misunderstanding later.
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nta, it sounds like she overreacted however she could have experienced something which made her react that way.
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nta. but if i had known that was gonna be her reaction i would have let her fall.
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nta but 100% tell someone (the coach, the principal, anyone) so you can get ahead of this. if you go and tell them this weird thing happened and you want to put it out there that you did nothing inappropriate and don’t understand her reaction, you look good. if she goes and makes a complaint against you and you suddenly have a story to defend yourself but never said anything it looks bad. don’t talk to her, don’t apologize because that makes you look guilty like maybe you did assault her somehow. don’t speak to her again, share it with administration somehow and pretend it never happened and move on. don’t try to save anyone from falling anymore.
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: im 15 and in my school we were doing this sports day type thing. girls and boys are usually separated during sports but i was basically helping the pe teacher and supervising the games and stuff. they were doing dodgeball but the class is big so they were split into 2 groups. i was supervising one game and the teacher was supervising the other. the sports hall has a super hard laminate floor and you could seriously injure yourself if you hit your head/ put your arms out to catch yourself, and there was bunch of equipment on the sidelines so it was sort of a trip hazard. this girl, the same age as me was walking backwards holding a ball and tripped over one of the dodgeballs close to the back of the room. i was right behind her. if she had continued to fall backwards, she would have either a. hit her head off of the laminate floor or b. fell onto a stack of hockey sticks. i instinctively put my arms out to catch her and just put her down in a sitting position. i did not touch her inappropriately , my hands were well away from her chest or any other areas that could be considered sexual. i just tucked my hands beneath her armpits as she fell and set her on the floor. i didn’t think anything of it, i asked her if she was okay but she turned around and gave me a disgusted look and asked why i would grab her like that. i was confused because i meant no harm and i tried to explain to her that i did it instinctively so she wouldn’t have possibly gotten hurt but she literally just left the sports hall. the whole game. it upset her that much. i feel guilty but i also don’t know why at the same time. aita? tldr: i caught a girl who was falling and she got very upset about it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
im 15 and in my school we were doing this sports day type thing. girls and boys are usually separated during sports but i was basically helping the pe teacher and supervising the games and stuff. they were doing dodgeball but the class is big so they were split into 2 groups. i was supervising one game and the teacher was supervising the other. the sports hall has a super hard laminate floor and you could seriously injure yourself if you hit your head/ put your arms out to catch yourself, and there was bunch of equipment on the sidelines so it was sort of a trip hazard. this girl, the same age as me was walking backwards holding a ball and tripped over one of the dodgeballs close to the back of the room. i was right behind her. if she had continued to fall backwards, she would have either a. hit her head off of the laminate floor or b. fell onto a stack of hockey sticks. i instinctively put my arms out to catch her and just put her down in a sitting position. i did not touch her inappropriately , my hands were well away from her chest or any other areas that could be considered sexual. i just tucked my hands beneath her armpits as she fell and set her on the floor. i didn’t think anything of it, i asked her if she was okay but she turned around and gave me a disgusted look and asked why i would grab her like that. i was confused because i meant no harm and i tried to explain to her that i did it instinctively so she wouldn’t have possibly gotten hurt but she literally just left the sports hall. the whole game. it upset her that much. i feel guilty but i also don’t know why at the same time. aita? tldr: i caught a girl who was falling and she got very upset about it. [/INST] nta. she may be overly sensitive, or she may have a story you don't know about. either way i'd let it go. </s>
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AITA for telling my family I didn't want to cook my recipes for them anymore?
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i (27f) grew up in very classic "meat and potatoes" kind of family. they will \*rarely\* eat any sort of ethnic food besides very basic italian food (we're an italian family) and sometimes sweet and sour chicken. dinner most nights consisted of meat (usually cooked within an inch of its life), mashed potatoes, and microwaved corn or peas & carrots. i grew up constantly being told i was an extremely picky eater. it took me a couple of years after moving out for college to realize this actually wasn't the case. basically, i don't like microwaved/boiled vegetables (especially when they're unseasoned), i don't like my meat cooked dry, and i don't care for meatloaf. as a kid/teenager i didn't really love food/eating, but in college, i got to try so many new things and really fell in love with cooking. eating a wide variety of foods became the norm for me.
i am now a phd student and cooking is my side hobby--any chance i get i'm taking classes, and i've become a really good italian cook in particular. i will often post pics of my dishes on social media. my family comments on my cooking and says they want me to make things for them the next time i'm home.
the way this has gone in the past is that i'll make a dish where i'm intentionally not straying far from their comfort zone, but it might still be a new dish for them. they always end up hating it. one night i made penne with truffle parmesan sauce and pan-seared chicken breasts. they were put off by the truffle and by the fact that i used himalayan pink salt and pepper for the chicken instead of just regular salt. another time, i made paneer butter masala, with barely any spice added to it since they have mild palates. i figured this would be fun because they love pasta with tomato sauce and cheese, and this is basically just blocks of cheese with tomato sauce. they complained about how "weird" the dish was. the final straw was when i made a pasta dish they normally love--pasta, oregano, pancetta, and romano cheese. but when i fried the pancetta, i fried it with a splash of chardonnay. they said this made the dish inedible for them.
this break, as soon as i got home everyone was asking me when i'd make one of my recipes they see on facebook for them. i said that i'd be happy to cook for them, but not one of my recipes. they asked why and i said i didn't feel like putting in the work just to have them refuse to try something based on it being "weird" to them. this led to them calling me an ah for being a "snob" and acting like i'm more cultured than them just because i like to eat "wild food." people were hurt that they were getting "cut out" of my hobby/that i didn't want to do something special for them. so, am i the ah/snob here? i'm not trying to act like i'm better, but i don't want to accommodate their pickiness anymore.
| 976 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s412z6/aita_for_telling_my_family_i_didnt_want_to_cook/
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2022-01-14 19:57:31
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nta they didn't appreciate it in the past & flat out refused to eat your cooking (that's a straight up slap in the face); there are only so many ways you can make meat & potatoes. i love how they said you had food aversion when you were younger and they never cooked new meals because of it but now they're the ones who won't try something new. no sense in showcasing your talents for them to be disregarded because you made something out of their comfort zone.
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nta why would you waste time cooking something they refuse to eat or don’t like?
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nta, but if you do, don't let them watch. they won't object to pink salt, or wine in the pan, if they don't know about it.
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"and acting like i'm more cultured than them just because i like to eat "wild food.""
...but...you are more cultured than them....if that makes them upset......then they are also free to get them some culture.
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nta. dear god, all those dishes sound wonderful and i'm sorry they can't get passed their uncultured nature.
i'm just curious: did you tell them what was in the dish beforehand?
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nta. if you ever cook for them again, don't tell them what it is. dumb it down. from now on, you're making "chicken and noodles" or "fried ham with pasta and sauce" or "cheese in tomato sauce".
information just gives them ammunition. 😉
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nta why waste your time and energy on people who call anything cooked properly “weird”? it’s not cultured to know how to cook properly and to try new things.
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nta, wtf. "when are you gonna cook another fabulous mean that my boring ass taste buds are gonna hate just so i have an excuse to be a dick to you"
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nta
they're lucky that you're still willing to cook anything for them.
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nta but if you want someone to come and eat your food, i will volunteer myself.
i think i started salivating at "penne with truffle parmesan sauce and pan-seared chicken breasts." it doesn't help that truffles are one of my favorite things. and parmesan. i bet that was amazing.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (27f) grew up in very classic "meat and potatoes" kind of family. they will \*rarely\* eat any sort of ethnic food besides very basic italian food (we're an italian family) and sometimes sweet and sour chicken. dinner most nights consisted of meat (usually cooked within an inch of its life), mashed potatoes, and microwaved corn or peas & carrots. i grew up constantly being told i was an extremely picky eater. it took me a couple of years after moving out for college to realize this actually wasn't the case. basically, i don't like microwaved/boiled vegetables (especially when they're unseasoned), i don't like my meat cooked dry, and i don't care for meatloaf. as a kid/teenager i didn't really love food/eating, but in college, i got to try so many new things and really fell in love with cooking. eating a wide variety of foods became the norm for me. i am now a phd student and cooking is my side hobby--any chance i get i'm taking classes, and i've become a really good italian cook in particular. i will often post pics of my dishes on social media. my family comments on my cooking and says they want me to make things for them the next time i'm home. the way this has gone in the past is that i'll make a dish where i'm intentionally not straying far from their comfort zone, but it might still be a new dish for them. they always end up hating it. one night i made penne with truffle parmesan sauce and pan-seared chicken breasts. they were put off by the truffle and by the fact that i used himalayan pink salt and pepper for the chicken instead of just regular salt. another time, i made paneer butter masala, with barely any spice added to it since they have mild palates. i figured this would be fun because they love pasta with tomato sauce and cheese, and this is basically just blocks of cheese with tomato sauce. they complained about how "weird" the dish was. the final straw was when i made a pasta dish they normally love--pasta, oregano, pancetta, and romano cheese. but when i fried the pancetta, i fried it with a splash of chardonnay. they said this made the dish inedible for them. this break, as soon as i got home everyone was asking me when i'd make one of my recipes they see on facebook for them. i said that i'd be happy to cook for them, but not one of my recipes. they asked why and i said i didn't feel like putting in the work just to have them refuse to try something based on it being "weird" to them. this led to them calling me an ah for being a "snob" and acting like i'm more cultured than them just because i like to eat "wild food." people were hurt that they were getting "cut out" of my hobby/that i didn't want to do something special for them. so, am i the ah/snob here? i'm not trying to act like i'm better, but i don't want to accommodate their pickiness anymore.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (27f) grew up in very classic "meat and potatoes" kind of family. they will \*rarely\* eat any sort of ethnic food besides very basic italian food (we're an italian family) and sometimes sweet and sour chicken. dinner most nights consisted of meat (usually cooked within an inch of its life), mashed potatoes, and microwaved corn or peas & carrots. i grew up constantly being told i was an extremely picky eater. it took me a couple of years after moving out for college to realize this actually wasn't the case. basically, i don't like microwaved/boiled vegetables (especially when they're unseasoned), i don't like my meat cooked dry, and i don't care for meatloaf. as a kid/teenager i didn't really love food/eating, but in college, i got to try so many new things and really fell in love with cooking. eating a wide variety of foods became the norm for me. i am now a phd student and cooking is my side hobby--any chance i get i'm taking classes, and i've become a really good italian cook in particular. i will often post pics of my dishes on social media. my family comments on my cooking and says they want me to make things for them the next time i'm home. the way this has gone in the past is that i'll make a dish where i'm intentionally not straying far from their comfort zone, but it might still be a new dish for them. they always end up hating it. one night i made penne with truffle parmesan sauce and pan-seared chicken breasts. they were put off by the truffle and by the fact that i used himalayan pink salt and pepper for the chicken instead of just regular salt. another time, i made paneer butter masala, with barely any spice added to it since they have mild palates. i figured this would be fun because they love pasta with tomato sauce and cheese, and this is basically just blocks of cheese with tomato sauce. they complained about how "weird" the dish was. the final straw was when i made a pasta dish they normally love--pasta, oregano, pancetta, and romano cheese. but when i fried the pancetta, i fried it with a splash of chardonnay. they said this made the dish inedible for them. this break, as soon as i got home everyone was asking me when i'd make one of my recipes they see on facebook for them. i said that i'd be happy to cook for them, but not one of my recipes. they asked why and i said i didn't feel like putting in the work just to have them refuse to try something based on it being "weird" to them. this led to them calling me an ah for being a "snob" and acting like i'm more cultured than them just because i like to eat "wild food." people were hurt that they were getting "cut out" of my hobby/that i didn't want to do something special for them. so, am i the ah/snob here? i'm not trying to act like i'm better, but i don't want to accommodate their pickiness anymore. [/INST] nta they didn't appreciate it in the past & flat out refused to eat your cooking (that's a straight up slap in the face); there are only so many ways you can make meat & potatoes. i love how they said you had food aversion when you were younger and they never cooked new meals because of it but now they're the ones who won't try something new. no sense in showcasing your talents for them to be disregarded because you made something out of their comfort zone. </s>
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WIBTA if I make my roommate’s sister pay for my commission her son ruined?
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for the last couple of weeks, i’ve been working on an animation for this guy. i did the all the animating, editing & music for it. he was gonna pay me $3000. he needs it done by monday for his event.
here’s the problem, my roommate’s sister asked me to watch her 5 yr old son for the next two weeks (1-8) for about $250, starting yesterday. i didn’t mind since i was gonna be home anyway and the money was gonna pay for the boy’s food & entertainment. (i.e. if i took him to the movies or the zoo)
today was a stay at home day. i’m working on my laptop while he’s watching tv. it’s peaceful. i left to go to the bathroom. during my business, i heard a crash and when i came out he ran to me, chanting “i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry.”
he spilled juice all over my laptop. it’s dead. im furious but i keep calm. i wiped it down, took out the battery and put it on a towel. there’s nothing much i could do. i just started the final editing!
even if i take the laptop to best buy, after it dries, there won’t be enough time to finish editing. so i’m gonna have to call my client that i can’t meet his deadline. the kid’s mom comes at 8. i’m gonna tell her that if she doesn’t pay me the $3000 i lost, i’m not going to continue to watch her son.
wibta?
| 719 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cxyum2/wibta_if_i_make_my_roommates_sister_pay_for_my/
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2019-08-31 18:26:14
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yta. you chose to watch a 5 year old kid and left something fragile by him while he was unsupervised. it's your fault it got damaged. if the kid was older, or you put the laptop away somewhere the kid wasn't supposed you go it wouldn't be your fault.
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yta. you were supervising a 5 year old and left him with juice by your laptop. that’s not his mother’s or his fault, it’s yours. pull an all nighter and get the work done, don’t blame others for your mistake.
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yta
if this work was so important why was it not backed up some where else? why was it not in a cloud and on an external hard drive and on a flash drive?
it would be nah for asking to cover the amount of the laptop repairs / replacement
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yta, in the comments you say you do have your work backed up, just 'up until yesterday,' meaning you have lost only a day's work, shouldn't you be able to get the project done then? you might lose some sleep, but it should be doable.
it isn't reasonable to be this irresponsible (leaving a toddler with juice and your laptop alone) and then demand 3000 (a huge sum) because you lost one day of work.
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yta, but you shouldn't babysit him anymore either. if nothing else, this shows you're clearly not capable of providing the level of supervision a 5 year old needs.
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nah. he's a kid, i assume he didn't do it on purpose. but, sure the mom should compensate you for losing your laptop. but don't you have a backup for your data?
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nta- but she should pay you for the laptop if broken, not the potential lost work. also, why wouldn't you have a back up? that's like editing/ computer working 101.
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yta. you left your personal laptop out where a 5 year old could access it? you're definitely the asshole, and not to bright. she isnt going to pay you $3000 for some shitty laptop, especially when you were babysitting and should have known not to leave electronics around kids that young or liquids. you're gonna die on this hill bud.
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ywbta - the destruction of the property aside is a different debate, but she does not owe you the lost productivity imo.
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ywbta...why would you leave your laptop in teach of a 5-yo?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.086837 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for the last couple of weeks, i’ve been working on an animation for this guy. i did the all the animating, editing & music for it. he was gonna pay me $3000. he needs it done by monday for his event. here’s the problem, my roommate’s sister asked me to watch her 5 yr old son for the next two weeks (1-8) for about $250, starting yesterday. i didn’t mind since i was gonna be home anyway and the money was gonna pay for the boy’s food & entertainment. (i.e. if i took him to the movies or the zoo) today was a stay at home day. i’m working on my laptop while he’s watching tv. it’s peaceful. i left to go to the bathroom. during my business, i heard a crash and when i came out he ran to me, chanting “i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry.” he spilled juice all over my laptop. it’s dead. im furious but i keep calm. i wiped it down, took out the battery and put it on a towel. there’s nothing much i could do. i just started the final editing! even if i take the laptop to best buy, after it dries, there won’t be enough time to finish editing. so i’m gonna have to call my client that i can’t meet his deadline. the kid’s mom comes at 8. i’m gonna tell her that if she doesn’t pay me the $3000 i lost, i’m not going to continue to watch her son. wibta?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for the last couple of weeks, i’ve been working on an animation for this guy. i did the all the animating, editing & music for it. he was gonna pay me $3000. he needs it done by monday for his event. here’s the problem, my roommate’s sister asked me to watch her 5 yr old son for the next two weeks (1-8) for about $250, starting yesterday. i didn’t mind since i was gonna be home anyway and the money was gonna pay for the boy’s food & entertainment. (i.e. if i took him to the movies or the zoo) today was a stay at home day. i’m working on my laptop while he’s watching tv. it’s peaceful. i left to go to the bathroom. during my business, i heard a crash and when i came out he ran to me, chanting “i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry.” he spilled juice all over my laptop. it’s dead. im furious but i keep calm. i wiped it down, took out the battery and put it on a towel. there’s nothing much i could do. i just started the final editing! even if i take the laptop to best buy, after it dries, there won’t be enough time to finish editing. so i’m gonna have to call my client that i can’t meet his deadline. the kid’s mom comes at 8. i’m gonna tell her that if she doesn’t pay me the $3000 i lost, i’m not going to continue to watch her son. wibta? [/INST] yta. you chose to watch a 5 year old kid and left something fragile by him while he was unsupervised. it's your fault it got damaged. if the kid was older, or you put the laptop away somewhere the kid wasn't supposed you go it wouldn't be your fault. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to name my daughter after my husband’s deceased wife and daughter?
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my husband john 32m and i 30f got married 2 years ago. i’m john’s second wife, his first wife isabel died 9 years ago in a car accident driving to an appointment. at the time, she was 7 months pregnant with a baby girl who they planned to name rose. rose also passed in the accident. john wasn’t in the accident, but he blamed himself for their deaths since he was working and couldn’t get time off to drive isabel. obviously this was very traumatic and he had to go to therapy for a long time to recover. he still talks about isabel sometimes and has pictures of her in the house.
5 months ago, i found out i was pregnant. it wasn’t planned but john and i were still extremely happy. a few days ago, i went to the ultrasound appointment and it was revealed we’re having a girl. for the past few days, we’ve been throwing baby name suggestions around. however he came to me this morning and said he finally knew what our daughter’s name would be—isabel as a first name and rose as a middle name. i was taken aback for obvious reasons and asked him why. he looked at me weird and said that it was to honor his late wife and daughter.
this was surprising to me since we’ve talked about having kids before and he’s never mentioned wanting to name our kids after isabel or rose. i told him i wasn’t comfortable naming our child isabel rose since it would feel like we were trying to replace them. he kept trying to convince me and said that it would be like his late family could live again through our daughter, but i just want our daughter to be her own person and to not feel like she’s growing up in the shadow of 2 deceased people.
john got mad and accused me of trying to force him to act like isabel and rose never existed. i said that wasn’t true and that we would still talk about them and remember them with our daughter, but he said the best way to remember them would be to name our daughter after them. he also called me a hypocrite because i suggested my sister’s name(my sister is alive) as a middle name. i said that was different because our child would still have her own unique first name and i only suggested it because my sister is planning on being a loving aunt. finally he called me disrespectful of the dead and that he wasn’t going to change his mind. he went to our room and hasn’t come out.
i consulted my family and friends and while most of them agree i’m not ta, a couple of them are saying john is grieving and i should just let him name this kid and i can name the next one. one friend who’s a therapist even said that this is john’s attempt to ease his guilty conscience, and that refusing the name could make him spiral into self-loathing. i’ve also started to get facebook messages from people i’m assuming are isabel’s family(john most likely told them about the situation) begging me to name my daughter after isabel because they want another way to memorialize her. i hate to disappoint her family since they’re grieving too, but i still don’t want to. am i being selfish?
| 12,748 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vfe9ul/aita_for_not_wanting_to_name_my_daughter_after_my/
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2022-06-18 20:11:37
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nta
i think it's completely weird, plus the fact that his late wife's family is also messaging you is crossing the line.
your daughter is being used as a grief prop and she isn't even here yet.
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your daughter is a child not a memorial to the dead.
nta
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"he kept trying to convince me and said that it would be like his late family could live again through our daughter"
this right here is very unsettling. nta.
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oh, hell no. nta. why would anyone think it's ok to put that load on your daughter? your husband needs to go back into therapy, just not your therapist friend. it seems you, op, are the only one thinking of your child.
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nta your daughter is not a living memorial
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nta it is not your daughter's job to be a replacement toy. she needs to be her own person, with her own identity.
hubby needs therapy
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info: is john still going to therapy for his trauma and grief?
regardless, you are nta. you want your daughter to have her own identity and you don't want her to be tied to your husband's late wife. naming a child is very important and you both have to agree on the name.
it's not okay for him to act the way, he is acting, after you have him your very reasonable arguments. your child should not be forever related to his late wife.
please sit him down and tell him that this has nothing to do with his late wife, this is about the future and life of your daughter.
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nta
i understand why your husband wants to do this, i really do, but i agree with you. naming your child after a long dead family member is one thing, but your husband’s wife and baby are people who he is still grieving, who he will always be grieving, and naming your daughter after them has the potential to turn her into a living memorial. it sounds like isabel’s family already want to view her that way.
your daughter will be her own person, and her name should be about *her* and what you and your husband want for her, not what he wants for isabel or rose. it wouldn’t be fair to her. and i don’t think it would honor them in the way he thinks if it means your daughter may come to resent living in their shadow.
it sounds like you’ve already tried this, but i do think the way to go is to discuss different ways to continue to honor and remember isabel and rose, to keep them present in your home without defining your daughters identity around them.
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"i should just let him name this kid and i can name the next one" hell no. these are children, not pets that you can name without a meaning. nta
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nta- this child does not need to spend the rest of her life explaining that she is named after her daddy’s first wife and unborn child. no, not happening, zilch.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband john 32m and i 30f got married 2 years ago. i’m john’s second wife, his first wife isabel died 9 years ago in a car accident driving to an appointment. at the time, she was 7 months pregnant with a baby girl who they planned to name rose. rose also passed in the accident. john wasn’t in the accident, but he blamed himself for their deaths since he was working and couldn’t get time off to drive isabel. obviously this was very traumatic and he had to go to therapy for a long time to recover. he still talks about isabel sometimes and has pictures of her in the house. 5 months ago, i found out i was pregnant. it wasn’t planned but john and i were still extremely happy. a few days ago, i went to the ultrasound appointment and it was revealed we’re having a girl. for the past few days, we’ve been throwing baby name suggestions around. however he came to me this morning and said he finally knew what our daughter’s name would be—isabel as a first name and rose as a middle name. i was taken aback for obvious reasons and asked him why. he looked at me weird and said that it was to honor his late wife and daughter. this was surprising to me since we’ve talked about having kids before and he’s never mentioned wanting to name our kids after isabel or rose. i told him i wasn’t comfortable naming our child isabel rose since it would feel like we were trying to replace them. he kept trying to convince me and said that it would be like his late family could live again through our daughter, but i just want our daughter to be her own person and to not feel like she’s growing up in the shadow of 2 deceased people. john got mad and accused me of trying to force him to act like isabel and rose never existed. i said that wasn’t true and that we would still talk about them and remember them with our daughter, but he said the best way to remember them would be to name our daughter after them. he also called me a hypocrite because i suggested my sister’s name(my sister is alive) as a middle name. i said that was different because our child would still have her own unique first name and i only suggested it because my sister is planning on being a loving aunt. finally he called me disrespectful of the dead and that he wasn’t going to change his mind. he went to our room and hasn’t come out. i consulted my family and friends and while most of them agree i’m not ta, a couple of them are saying john is grieving and i should just let him name this kid and i can name the next one. one friend who’s a therapist even said that this is john’s attempt to ease his guilty conscience, and that refusing the name could make him spiral into self-loathing. i’ve also started to get facebook messages from people i’m assuming are isabel’s family(john most likely told them about the situation) begging me to name my daughter after isabel because they want another way to memorialize her. i hate to disappoint her family since they’re grieving too, but i still don’t want to. am i being selfish?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband john 32m and i 30f got married 2 years ago. i’m john’s second wife, his first wife isabel died 9 years ago in a car accident driving to an appointment. at the time, she was 7 months pregnant with a baby girl who they planned to name rose. rose also passed in the accident. john wasn’t in the accident, but he blamed himself for their deaths since he was working and couldn’t get time off to drive isabel. obviously this was very traumatic and he had to go to therapy for a long time to recover. he still talks about isabel sometimes and has pictures of her in the house. 5 months ago, i found out i was pregnant. it wasn’t planned but john and i were still extremely happy. a few days ago, i went to the ultrasound appointment and it was revealed we’re having a girl. for the past few days, we’ve been throwing baby name suggestions around. however he came to me this morning and said he finally knew what our daughter’s name would be—isabel as a first name and rose as a middle name. i was taken aback for obvious reasons and asked him why. he looked at me weird and said that it was to honor his late wife and daughter. this was surprising to me since we’ve talked about having kids before and he’s never mentioned wanting to name our kids after isabel or rose. i told him i wasn’t comfortable naming our child isabel rose since it would feel like we were trying to replace them. he kept trying to convince me and said that it would be like his late family could live again through our daughter, but i just want our daughter to be her own person and to not feel like she’s growing up in the shadow of 2 deceased people. john got mad and accused me of trying to force him to act like isabel and rose never existed. i said that wasn’t true and that we would still talk about them and remember them with our daughter, but he said the best way to remember them would be to name our daughter after them. he also called me a hypocrite because i suggested my sister’s name(my sister is alive) as a middle name. i said that was different because our child would still have her own unique first name and i only suggested it because my sister is planning on being a loving aunt. finally he called me disrespectful of the dead and that he wasn’t going to change his mind. he went to our room and hasn’t come out. i consulted my family and friends and while most of them agree i’m not ta, a couple of them are saying john is grieving and i should just let him name this kid and i can name the next one. one friend who’s a therapist even said that this is john’s attempt to ease his guilty conscience, and that refusing the name could make him spiral into self-loathing. i’ve also started to get facebook messages from people i’m assuming are isabel’s family(john most likely told them about the situation) begging me to name my daughter after isabel because they want another way to memorialize her. i hate to disappoint her family since they’re grieving too, but i still don’t want to. am i being selfish? [/INST] nta i think it's completely weird, plus the fact that his late wife's family is also messaging you is crossing the line. your daughter is being used as a grief prop and she isn't even here yet. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister I'm sick of her hypothetical pregnancy?
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for the past year my sister has been trying to get pregnant, a journey on which i fully support her. however, she's been kind of obnoxious about it. she's always bringing up how she might be pregnant. "no wine for me, i might be pregnant. i can't keep the fast today, might be pregnant. i miss sushi, but i have to abstain because i might be pregnant." she's been pregnant and not pregnant for so long that i'm starting to worry she'll give birth to a cat.
last night i told her about an upcoming trip i have with my boyfriend and some friends. we're going river rafting, which i've never done before and was excited about. she jumped in with "i'd love to try that too, but i can't because i might be pregnant."
i got annoyed, because we were talking about me for once and she found a way to make it about her hypothetical pregnancy again. i said "well, no one invited you." she asked me what my problem was, and i said i was sick of hearing about her hypothetical pregnancy. she said i was immature and left.
i feel bad, but also i am so sick of hearing about shrodinger's pregnancy. aita?
| 11,471 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w4lznm/aita_for_telling_my_sister_im_sick_of_her/
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2022-07-21 17:08:49
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nta. schrodinger's pregnancy, i'm dying!
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nta - i would go to the dollar tree, buy a bunch of pregnancy tests and every time she says "she might be pregnant", hand her a test.
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nah.
if she actively trying to get pregnant, avoiding alcohol and sushi is a good idea, as she might in fact be pregnant.
it is a bit weird to keep saying it though. but it’s not hurting anyone.
i get it’s annoying though, so i wouldn’t say your an ah either for snapping at her
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nta. and look out. if she’s this crazy now, i can’t imagine how attention starved she’ll be if/when she actually is pregnant.
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nta.
she’s being weird about it.
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nta she needs a hobby and to stop trying to make every conversation about her.
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nah. talk to her maturely about it and see if she can tone it down. sometimes people get obnoxious over stuff that's constantly on their mind without being aware of it, and can be checked (politely) by people around them.
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going against the grain with a soft yta. she is being annoying, yes. but it is probably coming from a place of fear and sadness about not getting pregnant quickly. she is trying to sort of “speak it into existence” and could use some grace right now
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nta. that would drive anyone crazy. you should give her a dose of her own medicine. forbid her any food, drink, or activity that anyone has \*ever\* considered dangerous for pregnant women.
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info: this has been going on for a year - is she seeing a fertility specialist at this point? because she probably should be - most doctors recommend professional help after 6 months if your over 35, or after a year if you're younger. and a therapist, because this is some odd coping behavior.
i'm no stranger to a frustrating fertility situation, we took 6 months for our first (got lucky) and almost 10 for our second and needed medical assistance to conceive. we had our own coping methods, but her behavior here is weirding me out.
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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YTA
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NTA
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INFO
| 0.09992 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: for the past year my sister has been trying to get pregnant, a journey on which i fully support her. however, she's been kind of obnoxious about it. she's always bringing up how she might be pregnant. "no wine for me, i might be pregnant. i can't keep the fast today, might be pregnant. i miss sushi, but i have to abstain because i might be pregnant." she's been pregnant and not pregnant for so long that i'm starting to worry she'll give birth to a cat. last night i told her about an upcoming trip i have with my boyfriend and some friends. we're going river rafting, which i've never done before and was excited about. she jumped in with "i'd love to try that too, but i can't because i might be pregnant." i got annoyed, because we were talking about me for once and she found a way to make it about her hypothetical pregnancy again. i said "well, no one invited you." she asked me what my problem was, and i said i was sick of hearing about her hypothetical pregnancy. she said i was immature and left. i feel bad, but also i am so sick of hearing about shrodinger's pregnancy. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
for the past year my sister has been trying to get pregnant, a journey on which i fully support her. however, she's been kind of obnoxious about it. she's always bringing up how she might be pregnant. "no wine for me, i might be pregnant. i can't keep the fast today, might be pregnant. i miss sushi, but i have to abstain because i might be pregnant." she's been pregnant and not pregnant for so long that i'm starting to worry she'll give birth to a cat. last night i told her about an upcoming trip i have with my boyfriend and some friends. we're going river rafting, which i've never done before and was excited about. she jumped in with "i'd love to try that too, but i can't because i might be pregnant." i got annoyed, because we were talking about me for once and she found a way to make it about her hypothetical pregnancy again. i said "well, no one invited you." she asked me what my problem was, and i said i was sick of hearing about her hypothetical pregnancy. she said i was immature and left. i feel bad, but also i am so sick of hearing about shrodinger's pregnancy. aita? [/INST] nta. schrodinger's pregnancy, i'm dying! </s>
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AITA for cancelling flight and job interview?
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so a couple of weeks back i applied for a job that seemed promising. the company was bigger and more well known, and the position would definitely help advance my career.
part of the job included travelling locally, so a lot of driving. i have my license, and my wife and i share a car. although if i got this job i'd need to be purchasing my own separate car and insure it.
i got a couple of interviews in, they then told me the salary, which equates to $6,000 more annually than what i'm currently making. if i were to buy a car and insure it, i would be paying more than that. they also don't cover maintenance and repairs. so that's going to drive up my costs. i looked up reviews of the company and many people complained that they don't cover these costs so i don't feel like i'm in a bubble on this. obviously i could get advances and raises, but i don't want to rely on that.
i was already considering telling them i wasn't interested, but as i was ready to email the hiring manager he emailed me plane tickets to visit their head office for the final interview. i then responded that while i appreciate what he's done, i'm no longer available and won't be pursuing the job further.
he then replied angrily. telling me that i wasted their company's time and money. saying the flight is non-refundable. he didn't call me an a-hole but in a professional manner i felt like he was. my wife agrees with me, but now some of my friends are saying i'm the asshole for not bailing sooner. saying i should've mentioned what i thought when the policy on travel was mentioned; but i had not done the math yet and had not reached my conclusion.
so, aita?
| 210 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eya6i4/aita_for_cancelling_flight_and_job_interview/
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2020-02-03 17:07:15
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nta the interviewer is being super unprofessional and is displaying yet another red flag about the company. you’re dodging a bullet here, and you don’t owe them to continue the interview process.
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nta any job applicant can decline at any time prior to starting. after that you're an employee. really, would they have wanted you to pay back the plane ticket if they decided not hire you after the last interview?
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nope, nta. wouldn't even be ta if you canceled the day of the interview. never ta for refusing to work somewhere that doesn't make sense for you and your family.
i'm a manager who hires people and generally if someone cancels and interview and says they don't want to work for this company, my response is something along the lines of "okay, thank you for letting me know." that's it. no need to be angry about it.
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nta. he knows that all applicants can fail/decline. it's possible for you to actually take the flight, get the final interview and still decline. i've seen people do this specifically for the free flight and hotel. he's trying to guilt you to continue.
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nta, you would've wasted more of their time if they had arranged your onsite interview.
however, you didn't even give them the chance to up your salary offer. you had valid reasons for needing a higher salary. they might have been able to make it worth your while.
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info: why didn’t you go and try to negotiate a salary that would work for you? seems like a missed opportunity.
| null | null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
| null | null | null | null | 0.010352 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so a couple of weeks back i applied for a job that seemed promising. the company was bigger and more well known, and the position would definitely help advance my career. part of the job included travelling locally, so a lot of driving. i have my license, and my wife and i share a car. although if i got this job i'd need to be purchasing my own separate car and insure it. i got a couple of interviews in, they then told me the salary, which equates to $6,000 more annually than what i'm currently making. if i were to buy a car and insure it, i would be paying more than that. they also don't cover maintenance and repairs. so that's going to drive up my costs. i looked up reviews of the company and many people complained that they don't cover these costs so i don't feel like i'm in a bubble on this. obviously i could get advances and raises, but i don't want to rely on that. i was already considering telling them i wasn't interested, but as i was ready to email the hiring manager he emailed me plane tickets to visit their head office for the final interview. i then responded that while i appreciate what he's done, i'm no longer available and won't be pursuing the job further. he then replied angrily. telling me that i wasted their company's time and money. saying the flight is non-refundable. he didn't call me an a-hole but in a professional manner i felt like he was. my wife agrees with me, but now some of my friends are saying i'm the asshole for not bailing sooner. saying i should've mentioned what i thought when the policy on travel was mentioned; but i had not done the math yet and had not reached my conclusion. so, aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so a couple of weeks back i applied for a job that seemed promising. the company was bigger and more well known, and the position would definitely help advance my career. part of the job included travelling locally, so a lot of driving. i have my license, and my wife and i share a car. although if i got this job i'd need to be purchasing my own separate car and insure it. i got a couple of interviews in, they then told me the salary, which equates to $6,000 more annually than what i'm currently making. if i were to buy a car and insure it, i would be paying more than that. they also don't cover maintenance and repairs. so that's going to drive up my costs. i looked up reviews of the company and many people complained that they don't cover these costs so i don't feel like i'm in a bubble on this. obviously i could get advances and raises, but i don't want to rely on that. i was already considering telling them i wasn't interested, but as i was ready to email the hiring manager he emailed me plane tickets to visit their head office for the final interview. i then responded that while i appreciate what he's done, i'm no longer available and won't be pursuing the job further. he then replied angrily. telling me that i wasted their company's time and money. saying the flight is non-refundable. he didn't call me an a-hole but in a professional manner i felt like he was. my wife agrees with me, but now some of my friends are saying i'm the asshole for not bailing sooner. saying i should've mentioned what i thought when the policy on travel was mentioned; but i had not done the math yet and had not reached my conclusion. so, aita? [/INST] nta the interviewer is being super unprofessional and is displaying yet another red flag about the company. you’re dodging a bullet here, and you don’t owe them to continue the interview process. </s>
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AITA for not listening to my husband complaints about his job.
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so, hubby hates his job. hates the commute, hates the tax bracket he is in and generally comes home daily saying he can't wait to retire. 2 hour round trip commute, 50+hours a week.
he was offered a work from home job, making a little less money, doing basically what he is doing now, but in a computer. 5 days a week, 8 hours a day.
he took the job and we both were excited. i work from home too, so that means we'd actually see each other during the week. i arranged an office for him, got the internet upgraded, did all the ground work for his new office.
he ultimately turned the job because his current boss said how much he, the boss, would miss my husband. boss talked flower-y and sweet talked him into staying.
my reaction was to tell hubby that because he chose to stay at his job that he hates instead of making changes to be happier, then i don't want to hear about his horrible days anymore. no taxes, no politics, no complaining co workers, none of it. at all. i shush him anytime he starts.
i have supported him through health problems, through a cross country move due to job loss, and through any crisis he or his family has had. i drew the line.
am i an asshole?
| 5,115 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oh8ew9/aita_for_not_listening_to_my_husband_complaints/
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2021-07-10 00:38:31
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nta
hates the tax bracket...? so he hates making a big income? lol.
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nta. if someone makes choices that keep them this miserable, they need therapy. you can give him some gentle sympathy and insist he get help. "yes, dear, i know how hard this is for you, but you have chosen to be where you are, so i'm not sure what i can do for you and listening to you vent and be negative all the time is not doing good things for my mental health. have you thought about discussing this with a therapist?"
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nta but maybe instead of shushing practice saying, "i am not the audience for this complaint; i've already given my opinion and advice." repeat as needed.
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esh
shutting down communication is just going to hurt your marriage. it honestly sounds like a recipe for disaster if you literally shush him every single time he tries to vent. relationships *need* good communication.
he should realize he shouldn't treat you like an emotional soundboard, and he should have gone through with the job offer.
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esh- he should have included you more in the decision to stay where he is, and i’d be curious to know more about why he decided to stay.
in saying that, just because he’s made this choice didn’t mean he will never have a bad day again, and you’d be pretty heartless to not hear him out about that.
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nta. some people just wanna complain. and they treat those closest to then as a captive audience. if his complaining was causing you stress than you were right to shut him down.
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nta, you’ve been patient and supportive of him for a long time. i don’t understand people who actively chose not to make their lives easier
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[deleted]
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nta. stand firm. he sounds like he's the worst kind of complainer: one who makes sure he always has something to complain about. if he had nothing to complain about, he'd drop a hammer on his toe. tell him he's used up his lifetime supply of complaints.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.091339 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, hubby hates his job. hates the commute, hates the tax bracket he is in and generally comes home daily saying he can't wait to retire. 2 hour round trip commute, 50+hours a week. he was offered a work from home job, making a little less money, doing basically what he is doing now, but in a computer. 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. he took the job and we both were excited. i work from home too, so that means we'd actually see each other during the week. i arranged an office for him, got the internet upgraded, did all the ground work for his new office. he ultimately turned the job because his current boss said how much he, the boss, would miss my husband. boss talked flower-y and sweet talked him into staying. my reaction was to tell hubby that because he chose to stay at his job that he hates instead of making changes to be happier, then i don't want to hear about his horrible days anymore. no taxes, no politics, no complaining co workers, none of it. at all. i shush him anytime he starts. i have supported him through health problems, through a cross country move due to job loss, and through any crisis he or his family has had. i drew the line. am i an asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, hubby hates his job. hates the commute, hates the tax bracket he is in and generally comes home daily saying he can't wait to retire. 2 hour round trip commute, 50+hours a week. he was offered a work from home job, making a little less money, doing basically what he is doing now, but in a computer. 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. he took the job and we both were excited. i work from home too, so that means we'd actually see each other during the week. i arranged an office for him, got the internet upgraded, did all the ground work for his new office. he ultimately turned the job because his current boss said how much he, the boss, would miss my husband. boss talked flower-y and sweet talked him into staying. my reaction was to tell hubby that because he chose to stay at his job that he hates instead of making changes to be happier, then i don't want to hear about his horrible days anymore. no taxes, no politics, no complaining co workers, none of it. at all. i shush him anytime he starts. i have supported him through health problems, through a cross country move due to job loss, and through any crisis he or his family has had. i drew the line. am i an asshole? [/INST] nta hates the tax bracket...? so he hates making a big income? lol. </s>
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AITA for making my son pass out the candy he got from trick or treating because he was being rude?
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my son is 9 years old. we went trick or treating like we usually do and the night was going well except when we got to a house that had a bowl of candy sitting on the porch it said "take 2 please". he puts his whole hand in there and grabs about 6 pieces.
of course i corrected him, and made him put 4 of them back, explaining be needed to leave some for the others. from then on he had an attitude, and the last straw was when i told him to stop grabbing so much candy from people and he screamed "no!".
we had only been out for about an hour so i took him right on home. took his candy bag, dumped it in a bowl and told him to come sit outside on the porch with me. he objected of course, as kids came by and took handfuls of his candy. he complained they were taking too much and i told him that he shouldn't have done the same then.
his father came home from work, asked why he was in his room crying, to which i explained why. he said it was really cruel to give away the kids candy just because he was taking a little too much. i said he needs to learn to not be so greedy to which my husband said that "its ok, it's halloween".
he said i was being a jerk, and that i should cut some slack for the one holiday that kids get to pig out. i don't agree, although i figured i could've done this differently. aita?
| 13,400 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qk6fh0/aita_for_making_my_son_pass_out_the_candy_he_got/
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2021-11-01 04:30:56
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nta. the outbursts are what get me. when he screamed no, more specifically. it sounds to me like a test of boundaries, as if he knew perfectly well what was expected of him and purposefully crossed the line in order to see if his behavior would be corrected. and you did that. he learned a lesson when he became resentful that other kids were taking too much, that's what his behavior looks like but from the view of others.
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nta, although i hope you did save some candy for your son. he's past the age where he should know how his greed affects others, and seeing it in action was probably a lesson he'll remember. temper that lesson with a few treats later and a discussion, and i think it's a good parenting moment overall.
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nta. your hub got this one wrong. it's not about grabbing too much candy. it's about you telling your son not to do something and him screaming "no!" at 9 years old that is not okay.
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some of these comments are very strange. cruel? cut contact over candy? this was an entirely proportionate consequence for poor behaviour. missing out on candy on one occasion is not a significant punishment, it is related to the poor behaviour and completed immediately (i.e. no ongoing punishment). this is entirely within the parameters suggested by child behaviourists. too many children don't have parents or guardians who care about them enough set reasonable boundaries with proportionate consequences like this. definitely nta.
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nta. and it’s not a disproportionate punishment. he is old enough to know better, and he was being rude to you as well as others.
i think taking him home immediately was great. but it needed the follow-up punishment, or else he may think that he can *end things for everyone involved* whenever he wants by misbehaving in public.
a toddler gets taken home with no additional punishment. a nine year old needs to understand when he is out, he needs to behave.
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nta:
you told him to stop taking so much candy, he didn't listen, and you demonstrated why he shouldn't have taken so much of it. just because it's a holiday doesn't mean he gets to be greedy.
is your husband going to be okay when your child starts crying because he doens't have enough gifts on christmas?
the fact that a lot of people are excusing your kids behavior and saying to give him a pass because its a holiday is the reason i stopped giving out candy.
the more rude and entitled families come by the less people are willing to hand out candy. holidays are not an excuse to be rude or greedy. people are being nice enough to give out free candy. they do not have to do that. appreciate the free candy you get and don't take it all.
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jesus this sub and those marking yta are either kids or the parents of the entitled little shots running around acting like asshat because mom and daddy are so frightened to discipline and hurt their spirit.
kid was warned multiple times. he fucked around wlth mom and he found out what happens. he'll put two ad two together that that is behavior he won't be repeating again.
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nta. way to be a good parent and teach your kid to be considerate of others and respect rules. he’s not going to be scarred from this, in the end of the day it’s just free candy in a world of overabundance and it’s not like he’ll never get candy again, it’s a hard lesson but hopefully a lesson learned.
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nta being halloween is no excuse to be greedy.
let's look at this from the other side.
i'm a person who wants to give out treats on halloween but i live in an area where it's really full on. i cannot afford to give hand fulls of candy to (over 100 this year) kids and say just take one! grabby kids are told to share.
he's had a harsh lesson but a good one.
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yta. i was completely on board with you making your son put back the extra candy and ending trick or treating early. however i think making him give away all of his candy to other kids is crossing the line. a lot of people on here are forgetting that this child is 9 years old. yes he’s not a toddler but that’s still a very very young age and sometimes they are being unreasonable that’s cause he’s a kid. i would’ve taken away his candy and made him earn it back with good behavior. i think the lesson you were trying to teach your son is a valid one but the execution towards the end was bad.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.128 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my son is 9 years old. we went trick or treating like we usually do and the night was going well except when we got to a house that had a bowl of candy sitting on the porch it said "take 2 please". he puts his whole hand in there and grabs about 6 pieces. of course i corrected him, and made him put 4 of them back, explaining be needed to leave some for the others. from then on he had an attitude, and the last straw was when i told him to stop grabbing so much candy from people and he screamed "no!". we had only been out for about an hour so i took him right on home. took his candy bag, dumped it in a bowl and told him to come sit outside on the porch with me. he objected of course, as kids came by and took handfuls of his candy. he complained they were taking too much and i told him that he shouldn't have done the same then. his father came home from work, asked why he was in his room crying, to which i explained why. he said it was really cruel to give away the kids candy just because he was taking a little too much. i said he needs to learn to not be so greedy to which my husband said that "its ok, it's halloween". he said i was being a jerk, and that i should cut some slack for the one holiday that kids get to pig out. i don't agree, although i figured i could've done this differently. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my son is 9 years old. we went trick or treating like we usually do and the night was going well except when we got to a house that had a bowl of candy sitting on the porch it said "take 2 please". he puts his whole hand in there and grabs about 6 pieces. of course i corrected him, and made him put 4 of them back, explaining be needed to leave some for the others. from then on he had an attitude, and the last straw was when i told him to stop grabbing so much candy from people and he screamed "no!". we had only been out for about an hour so i took him right on home. took his candy bag, dumped it in a bowl and told him to come sit outside on the porch with me. he objected of course, as kids came by and took handfuls of his candy. he complained they were taking too much and i told him that he shouldn't have done the same then. his father came home from work, asked why he was in his room crying, to which i explained why. he said it was really cruel to give away the kids candy just because he was taking a little too much. i said he needs to learn to not be so greedy to which my husband said that "its ok, it's halloween". he said i was being a jerk, and that i should cut some slack for the one holiday that kids get to pig out. i don't agree, although i figured i could've done this differently. aita? [/INST] nta. the outbursts are what get me. when he screamed no, more specifically. it sounds to me like a test of boundaries, as if he knew perfectly well what was expected of him and purposefully crossed the line in order to see if his behavior would be corrected. and you did that. he learned a lesson when he became resentful that other kids were taking too much, that's what his behavior looks like but from the view of others. </s>
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WIBTA if I tell my sister I don't want her to introduce me to anymore of her friends without higher education?
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please hear me out and don't judge me too harshly. also english isn't my native language so be kind in that sense.
i (33f) have a sister (30f) who lives with her boyfriend (28m) while i still live with my parents; this was my and my parents' choice and it's fairly common for adult children in my country to live with their parents.
my sister works as a secretary for a contracting company and her boyfriend is a mechanic, i am a translator and soon i'll be busy with my phd as well.
since my best friend (33f too) got married last year, my sister and her boyfriend have started to tell my parents how sad it is that i haven't found anyone yet and who knows when i'll find someone now that i'm back in academics and that they wish to see me happy. my parents too have started to make comments like these.
the thing is, i am very happy! i have my family, my friends, a job i love and that makes me good money, i haven't had bouts of depression in years!
anyway, since i know this is an important subject for my sister and her partner (they're crazy in love, celebrated their 11th anniversary this year) i have told them i might try to date someone, for their sake.
they've since taken upon themselves to introduce me to every single friend they have and i have obediently gone to dates with them, even some double dates with my sister and her boyfriend.
some were good, some were bad, but they all had the same problem: they are all part of the working class; one girl was a hairdresser, one guy was a colleague of my sister's boyfriend at the garage, and so on.
this is the bad part, i know, but i'm really proud of my academic achievements, it took me years to get my bachelor's because i had really bad depression at the time so now that i'm a phd candidate i'm over the moon and i can't stop talking about it.
i felt like i couldn't talk about my studies with these people, some of them were rude about it, some of them simply weren't interested and i get that absolutely, it can be boring for someone who is not interested. also i couldn't find connection with most of them, because we were interested in vastly different things, i love to discuss politics and philosophy and i have a low tolerance for football and gossip.
i have come to the conclusion that i don't want to date and even if i wanted, i'd like to be with someone who has at least a bachelor's, preferably in a field different than mine, so that i can learn about things i don't know.
so, wibta if i tell my sister and her boyfriend the reason why i don't want to meet anymore of their friends, which is that they have a lower education than mine?
i think she will get angry because this was an old argument between us during our teen years, and i used to be really snobby with her because she went to a trade high school. i am not like that anymore, i love my sister and her boyfriend dearly and i respect their jobs and i don't want to offend them in any way.
p.s. in my country higher education is really affordable, so this is not a jab at poor people.
| 287 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fzzulv/wibta_if_i_tell_my_sister_i_dont_want_her_to/
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2020-04-12 16:33:07
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yta- lightly. if you make it about the degree, you are likely to make your sister feel the she and her friends aren't good enough for you. you'd also be folding the door on people who are intellectually curious, but didn't have the opportunity to go to school. it might be better just to ask for a break from being set up, then if you want to try again, you can tell your sister the traits of the kind of person you are looking for.
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your post demonstrates that there are some things not taught at university.
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i’m not gonna judge but i’m pretty sure you don’t need someone with higher education, you just need someone who’s interested talking about higher subjects, it comes off as very classist to just say , everyone without a higher education is not up to my intellectual level. but also i think your sister and her bf are being a bit pushy, need to respect your wish to not date, and maybe if they are going to help, try to get people who actually have similar interests.
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yta: for thinking no degree makes someone unintelligent or beneath you. you have the right to tell your sister you don't want to date. just tell her that you don't want to date. assert yourself. explaining that their education level isn't up to your standard, might make your sisters partner feel judge by you. you don't have to give a reason for not dating, don't belittle others, because you do not want to assert yourself.
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nah
you're not actually an asshole for wanting to date somebody with similar station, but i would recommend that you go about finding somebody (or nobody if you want to remain single) on your own and simply exclude your sister from future matchmaking services. it probably *would* be crass to insist she only introduce you to a certain class of people, but it would be perfectly reasonable to tell her you've had enough dating, and more than enough of her help, for the time being.
and if you choose to remain single, may i recommend a good pet? something in the cat family, perhaps.
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what a wall of text for expressing that you want someone who shares things with you.
nah
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\> i might try to date someone, for their sake.
don't date anyone for anyone else's sake. there is no requirement to date, do not try to make yourself. your family is ta for trying to make you date, or even putting any pressure. do what you want.
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nah, but try to be tactful in how to say it. educational preference in a partner is normal.
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yta for being so obsessed about academic status. you can find your mr diploma, but having a phd does not make you a better or more attractive person
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nah, but i think you should frame it from the viewpoint of what you are looking for and not what you don't want. that would be more positive and less likely to create an argument.
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YTA
| null | null |
YTA
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NAH
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NAH
| null |
NAH
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YTA
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NAH
| 0.545369 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: please hear me out and don't judge me too harshly. also english isn't my native language so be kind in that sense. i (33f) have a sister (30f) who lives with her boyfriend (28m) while i still live with my parents; this was my and my parents' choice and it's fairly common for adult children in my country to live with their parents. my sister works as a secretary for a contracting company and her boyfriend is a mechanic, i am a translator and soon i'll be busy with my phd as well. since my best friend (33f too) got married last year, my sister and her boyfriend have started to tell my parents how sad it is that i haven't found anyone yet and who knows when i'll find someone now that i'm back in academics and that they wish to see me happy. my parents too have started to make comments like these. the thing is, i am very happy! i have my family, my friends, a job i love and that makes me good money, i haven't had bouts of depression in years! anyway, since i know this is an important subject for my sister and her partner (they're crazy in love, celebrated their 11th anniversary this year) i have told them i might try to date someone, for their sake. they've since taken upon themselves to introduce me to every single friend they have and i have obediently gone to dates with them, even some double dates with my sister and her boyfriend. some were good, some were bad, but they all had the same problem: they are all part of the working class; one girl was a hairdresser, one guy was a colleague of my sister's boyfriend at the garage, and so on. this is the bad part, i know, but i'm really proud of my academic achievements, it took me years to get my bachelor's because i had really bad depression at the time so now that i'm a phd candidate i'm over the moon and i can't stop talking about it. i felt like i couldn't talk about my studies with these people, some of them were rude about it, some of them simply weren't interested and i get that absolutely, it can be boring for someone who is not interested. also i couldn't find connection with most of them, because we were interested in vastly different things, i love to discuss politics and philosophy and i have a low tolerance for football and gossip. i have come to the conclusion that i don't want to date and even if i wanted, i'd like to be with someone who has at least a bachelor's, preferably in a field different than mine, so that i can learn about things i don't know. so, wibta if i tell my sister and her boyfriend the reason why i don't want to meet anymore of their friends, which is that they have a lower education than mine? i think she will get angry because this was an old argument between us during our teen years, and i used to be really snobby with her because she went to a trade high school. i am not like that anymore, i love my sister and her boyfriend dearly and i respect their jobs and i don't want to offend them in any way. p.s. in my country higher education is really affordable, so this is not a jab at poor people.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
please hear me out and don't judge me too harshly. also english isn't my native language so be kind in that sense. i (33f) have a sister (30f) who lives with her boyfriend (28m) while i still live with my parents; this was my and my parents' choice and it's fairly common for adult children in my country to live with their parents. my sister works as a secretary for a contracting company and her boyfriend is a mechanic, i am a translator and soon i'll be busy with my phd as well. since my best friend (33f too) got married last year, my sister and her boyfriend have started to tell my parents how sad it is that i haven't found anyone yet and who knows when i'll find someone now that i'm back in academics and that they wish to see me happy. my parents too have started to make comments like these. the thing is, i am very happy! i have my family, my friends, a job i love and that makes me good money, i haven't had bouts of depression in years! anyway, since i know this is an important subject for my sister and her partner (they're crazy in love, celebrated their 11th anniversary this year) i have told them i might try to date someone, for their sake. they've since taken upon themselves to introduce me to every single friend they have and i have obediently gone to dates with them, even some double dates with my sister and her boyfriend. some were good, some were bad, but they all had the same problem: they are all part of the working class; one girl was a hairdresser, one guy was a colleague of my sister's boyfriend at the garage, and so on. this is the bad part, i know, but i'm really proud of my academic achievements, it took me years to get my bachelor's because i had really bad depression at the time so now that i'm a phd candidate i'm over the moon and i can't stop talking about it. i felt like i couldn't talk about my studies with these people, some of them were rude about it, some of them simply weren't interested and i get that absolutely, it can be boring for someone who is not interested. also i couldn't find connection with most of them, because we were interested in vastly different things, i love to discuss politics and philosophy and i have a low tolerance for football and gossip. i have come to the conclusion that i don't want to date and even if i wanted, i'd like to be with someone who has at least a bachelor's, preferably in a field different than mine, so that i can learn about things i don't know. so, wibta if i tell my sister and her boyfriend the reason why i don't want to meet anymore of their friends, which is that they have a lower education than mine? i think she will get angry because this was an old argument between us during our teen years, and i used to be really snobby with her because she went to a trade high school. i am not like that anymore, i love my sister and her boyfriend dearly and i respect their jobs and i don't want to offend them in any way. p.s. in my country higher education is really affordable, so this is not a jab at poor people. [/INST] yta- lightly. if you make it about the degree, you are likely to make your sister feel the she and her friends aren't good enough for you. you'd also be folding the door on people who are intellectually curious, but didn't have the opportunity to go to school. it might be better just to ask for a break from being set up, then if you want to try again, you can tell your sister the traits of the kind of person you are looking for. </s>
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AITA for not doing my father's laundry while my mother is hospitalized
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my mother was hospitalized two weeks ago for a major surgery, so my father (m,52) and i (f,20) were alone at home, obviously. i took care of all our laundry which usually my mother did. no big problem. i found it a bit unfair that i had to do all the work while he was watching tv but i wasn't going to say anything because we both love to argue and i knew that it wasn't an easy situation for him too. so i did the laundry.
when i asked him to help me he always said that he can't do it because he was never taught (which i get because he lived with his parents until he moved in with my mom and both my grandma and my mom just took over all the laundry, but i know for a fact that he can wash so it was just a lie to avoid helping me).
today he told me i had to do the laundry again tomorrow because there was a lot piling up and as i asked him if he could help me he said "no, because it is women's work". i was obviously shocked and asked what he meant, he told me that he as a man was responsible of bringing in wood and such and i as a woman would be responsible for doing the laundry and cooking meals and such. we got into a huge fight and i told him that from now on i would not do his laundry, or cook for him anymore.
he told my i was a women's libber and i should stop overreacting
aita?
| 468 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lb45f1/aita_for_not_doing_my_fathers_laundry_while_my/
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2021-02-02 19:30:04
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nta. "woman' libber," what is this, the 60s? doing laundry is something *adults* know. he's not a "man," he's a child.
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nta. so did he go chop some wood and bring it in??
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lol are you phoning this in from the 70s??? did he actually say “women’s libber”??
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nta nta nta!! how sexist of him. stand your ground and don't do anything for him. hope your mom is doing okay, and can come home soon. and when she does come home, make sure your dad doesn't have her cooking and cleaning the day she gets back.
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nta. "it's women's work." is such a regressive and ignorant idea.
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nta
you're definitely not the a for not allowing someone to take advantage of you because bullshit patriarchal attitudes.
just reduce it to math. how long does it take to bring in the wood--five or ten minutes? how long does it take to do laundry or cook? tell him he owes you two hours of work.
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nta
if he doesn't know what to do, he can learn. he's not that old. his views however are ancient.
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nta i wouldn’t do just because of that comment
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nta, next time he calls you a “women’s libber” (whatever the fuck that is) tell him that’s cool cause you’ve liberated yourself from his laundry and cooking. preferably whilst eating your own delicious meal next to your clean laundry.
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nta. he's a literal child if he can't learn the simple operation of a washing machine. how could he even consider himself an adult if he can't do basic adult tasks?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mother was hospitalized two weeks ago for a major surgery, so my father (m,52) and i (f,20) were alone at home, obviously. i took care of all our laundry which usually my mother did. no big problem. i found it a bit unfair that i had to do all the work while he was watching tv but i wasn't going to say anything because we both love to argue and i knew that it wasn't an easy situation for him too. so i did the laundry. when i asked him to help me he always said that he can't do it because he was never taught (which i get because he lived with his parents until he moved in with my mom and both my grandma and my mom just took over all the laundry, but i know for a fact that he can wash so it was just a lie to avoid helping me). today he told me i had to do the laundry again tomorrow because there was a lot piling up and as i asked him if he could help me he said "no, because it is women's work". i was obviously shocked and asked what he meant, he told me that he as a man was responsible of bringing in wood and such and i as a woman would be responsible for doing the laundry and cooking meals and such. we got into a huge fight and i told him that from now on i would not do his laundry, or cook for him anymore. he told my i was a women's libber and i should stop overreacting aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mother was hospitalized two weeks ago for a major surgery, so my father (m,52) and i (f,20) were alone at home, obviously. i took care of all our laundry which usually my mother did. no big problem. i found it a bit unfair that i had to do all the work while he was watching tv but i wasn't going to say anything because we both love to argue and i knew that it wasn't an easy situation for him too. so i did the laundry. when i asked him to help me he always said that he can't do it because he was never taught (which i get because he lived with his parents until he moved in with my mom and both my grandma and my mom just took over all the laundry, but i know for a fact that he can wash so it was just a lie to avoid helping me). today he told me i had to do the laundry again tomorrow because there was a lot piling up and as i asked him if he could help me he said "no, because it is women's work". i was obviously shocked and asked what he meant, he told me that he as a man was responsible of bringing in wood and such and i as a woman would be responsible for doing the laundry and cooking meals and such. we got into a huge fight and i told him that from now on i would not do his laundry, or cook for him anymore. he told my i was a women's libber and i should stop overreacting aita? [/INST] nta. "woman' libber," what is this, the 60s? doing laundry is something *adults* know. he's not a "man," he's a child. </s>
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AITA For not inviting my biological mom to my wedding
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context
i am a stepchild, however, i have never felt like a stepchild. my dad and stepmom did an amazing job making sure i felt included. my stepmom is not even called stepmom or by her name i call her mom. she is the only mother i have ever known. i was abandoned when i was 2. my biological mother lied about who my father was on my birth certificate. so for 4 years, i was left to the system. my dad was finally reached when i was 6. he was remarried and had 2 sons by this time. he put everything on the line for me and it worked out.
i grew up with my 3 brothers and my parents (dad and stepmom) when i was around 13 my biological mom sent me a letter. due to already being emotionally unstable and having all those hormones at that age. i simply broke down when i read the letter. she basically told me i was kidnapped by my dad and she loved me and she would get me soon. my dad promised me this was all done legally and she had never once tried to get custody of me. i believed him because he has never lied to me before.
we've only recently got into contact about when i was 18, mostly it is us fighting. i've asked her for one simple thing and apology. her abandonment caused a lot of issues in me especially dealing with trust. however, she still doesn't think she did anything wrong. she still holds to this idea that my dad kidnapped me. she says my stepmom brainwashed me and i was under their control. my parents have never said a bad word about her. they don't talk about her because they don't want to upset me.
i am getting married in about 5 months. my future husband has made it clear he doesn't personally want my biological mom there because she treats him poorly the few times they have interacted. however, he says he will deal with her if i truly want her there. my stepmom and dad say the same thing that they are willing to put up with her for me. i am not sure bio mom never respects my boundaries always wants me to call her mom and constantly touches me even though i ask her not to. she always complains about how i put my dad and my "fake mom" before her. like during holidays or ny birthday. i have only ever asked for an apology. i just wanted her to say sorry for abandoning me and never putting me before other things in her life. i have never gotten it.
i know if i invite her she will insist to be the mother to the bride and she will make a scene. she will probably yell at my dad or try and attack my mom's things she has done in the past. my sister says her irrational behavior is due to years of drug use. i don't want my special day ruined. i have been planning my wedding fit for a very long time. my biological mon doesn't even ask about my wedding while my stepmom is over the moon and has taken all the pressure off of me as far as the planning.
i don't want to regret not inviting my biological mom in the future but based on her track record she will not change. am i the ass hole if i didn't invite her?
| 682 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j5y8o8/aita_for_not_inviting_my_biological_mom_to_my/
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2020-10-06 03:49:21
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nta don't invite her, don't even tell her when the wedding is if she doesn't already know. she sounds extremely toxic and personally if i was you i wouldn't want any kind of relationship with her.
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this is the easiest judgement ever nta
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nta, don’t let her come, don’t tell her about the wedding, go nc if you need to. it sounds like a nightmare that you deserve to wake up from.
also, here’s some advice i’ve seen on similar posts: if you don’t invite her, tell your wedding planner, vendors, and venue that she is not allowed in. establish a code word that you must say in order to make any changes (if she finds out where it is and seeks control).
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nta you should be able to enjoy one of the most special days of your life in peace. if bio mom won't let you do that, then she doesn't need to be invited.
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info: what kind of relationship did you have with your bio-mum between 13 and now? would she randomly contact you to spout nonsense about your father/her ex-husband? or did you actually develop a positive relationship with her but she's still hostile towards your father.
in any case currently my vote unless proven otherwise is nta. simply put: she's not your mother, she's an egg donor. your step-mum loved and raised you.
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nta - it's her bad behavior that has led you to this decision, and you aren't obligated to let her ruin your wedding.
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nta. on behalf of your dad, stepmom and family please please please do not invite your biological mother to your wedding. you will have no regrets without her and only pain for you and your family if she attends. i only wish you could get some closure some other way than her apology and move on into your wonderful future. maybe some counselling would help you with this last hurdle
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nta for not having that mess
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | 0.005167 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: context i am a stepchild, however, i have never felt like a stepchild. my dad and stepmom did an amazing job making sure i felt included. my stepmom is not even called stepmom or by her name i call her mom. she is the only mother i have ever known. i was abandoned when i was 2. my biological mother lied about who my father was on my birth certificate. so for 4 years, i was left to the system. my dad was finally reached when i was 6. he was remarried and had 2 sons by this time. he put everything on the line for me and it worked out. i grew up with my 3 brothers and my parents (dad and stepmom) when i was around 13 my biological mom sent me a letter. due to already being emotionally unstable and having all those hormones at that age. i simply broke down when i read the letter. she basically told me i was kidnapped by my dad and she loved me and she would get me soon. my dad promised me this was all done legally and she had never once tried to get custody of me. i believed him because he has never lied to me before. we've only recently got into contact about when i was 18, mostly it is us fighting. i've asked her for one simple thing and apology. her abandonment caused a lot of issues in me especially dealing with trust. however, she still doesn't think she did anything wrong. she still holds to this idea that my dad kidnapped me. she says my stepmom brainwashed me and i was under their control. my parents have never said a bad word about her. they don't talk about her because they don't want to upset me. i am getting married in about 5 months. my future husband has made it clear he doesn't personally want my biological mom there because she treats him poorly the few times they have interacted. however, he says he will deal with her if i truly want her there. my stepmom and dad say the same thing that they are willing to put up with her for me. i am not sure bio mom never respects my boundaries always wants me to call her mom and constantly touches me even though i ask her not to. she always complains about how i put my dad and my "fake mom" before her. like during holidays or ny birthday. i have only ever asked for an apology. i just wanted her to say sorry for abandoning me and never putting me before other things in her life. i have never gotten it. i know if i invite her she will insist to be the mother to the bride and she will make a scene. she will probably yell at my dad or try and attack my mom's things she has done in the past. my sister says her irrational behavior is due to years of drug use. i don't want my special day ruined. i have been planning my wedding fit for a very long time. my biological mon doesn't even ask about my wedding while my stepmom is over the moon and has taken all the pressure off of me as far as the planning. i don't want to regret not inviting my biological mom in the future but based on her track record she will not change. am i the ass hole if i didn't invite her?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
context i am a stepchild, however, i have never felt like a stepchild. my dad and stepmom did an amazing job making sure i felt included. my stepmom is not even called stepmom or by her name i call her mom. she is the only mother i have ever known. i was abandoned when i was 2. my biological mother lied about who my father was on my birth certificate. so for 4 years, i was left to the system. my dad was finally reached when i was 6. he was remarried and had 2 sons by this time. he put everything on the line for me and it worked out. i grew up with my 3 brothers and my parents (dad and stepmom) when i was around 13 my biological mom sent me a letter. due to already being emotionally unstable and having all those hormones at that age. i simply broke down when i read the letter. she basically told me i was kidnapped by my dad and she loved me and she would get me soon. my dad promised me this was all done legally and she had never once tried to get custody of me. i believed him because he has never lied to me before. we've only recently got into contact about when i was 18, mostly it is us fighting. i've asked her for one simple thing and apology. her abandonment caused a lot of issues in me especially dealing with trust. however, she still doesn't think she did anything wrong. she still holds to this idea that my dad kidnapped me. she says my stepmom brainwashed me and i was under their control. my parents have never said a bad word about her. they don't talk about her because they don't want to upset me. i am getting married in about 5 months. my future husband has made it clear he doesn't personally want my biological mom there because she treats him poorly the few times they have interacted. however, he says he will deal with her if i truly want her there. my stepmom and dad say the same thing that they are willing to put up with her for me. i am not sure bio mom never respects my boundaries always wants me to call her mom and constantly touches me even though i ask her not to. she always complains about how i put my dad and my "fake mom" before her. like during holidays or ny birthday. i have only ever asked for an apology. i just wanted her to say sorry for abandoning me and never putting me before other things in her life. i have never gotten it. i know if i invite her she will insist to be the mother to the bride and she will make a scene. she will probably yell at my dad or try and attack my mom's things she has done in the past. my sister says her irrational behavior is due to years of drug use. i don't want my special day ruined. i have been planning my wedding fit for a very long time. my biological mon doesn't even ask about my wedding while my stepmom is over the moon and has taken all the pressure off of me as far as the planning. i don't want to regret not inviting my biological mom in the future but based on her track record she will not change. am i the ass hole if i didn't invite her? [/INST] nta don't invite her, don't even tell her when the wedding is if she doesn't already know. she sounds extremely toxic and personally if i was you i wouldn't want any kind of relationship with her. </s>
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AITA for not letting my family use my home to party
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so i invited my family to spend christmas morning at my house. it’s common knowledge within my family that my family (husband /26 and daughter /4) spend christmas afternoon over at my in laws house and christmas evening is spent as just us three.
well in our family group chat my mom asked if they could use my house while i’m gone at the in-laws, because no one else’s home can fit all of us (6 brothers and their so, sister and her so, my mom and stepdad, and my dad and step mom) i told her no. my mom proceeded to call me selfish, and i’m already “taking her only grand baby away from her on christmas” the least i could do is let them use my home. i then proceeded to give a compromised, i said “ya’ll can use my home to get together if you don’t turn it into a party. and that they leave before we return home.” i didn’t even ask them to clean up after themselves. i thought i made a fairly reasonable request but she just cursed me out and proceeded to tell me that “partying” was our tradition on christmas and i was being unreasonable to ask them not to. i basically just stopped replying, cause it’s not worth it. but my siblings have messaged me privately also expressing how “selfish” and “entitled” i’m being.
i will like to add, i have a 4 year old autistic daughter. christmas is already hard enough, we need our evening to help our daughter decompress from the day. also i really don’t think it’s appropriate for her to see grown adults wasted and acting foolish.
so reddit, aita for not letting my family use my home to party?
edit to add: i think they fee the way they do because it used to be “our family home” before our parents divorced. but we (my husband and i) are the ones that own it now. maybe that’s why i’m selfish? cause it was our family home and now i’m not letting them use it.
| 233 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z6faay/aita_for_not_letting_my_family_use_my_home_to/
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2022-11-27 22:50:18
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nta. the idea that to eat your food, drink your drink and mess up your home while you're not there is wildly entitled also i hope they don't have a key to your place.
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nta. why on earth would anyone think it's acceptable to use someone else's house for a party when they aren't even there?!
it's your family that's acting selfish and entitled, not you
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nta, if a christmas party is such a priority for them and nobody else has an adequately large enough house to host they could rent a space. pretty disturbing that your family feels entitled to your home on that level.
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nta. you're not responsible to loan your home as a nightclub for their drunken shenanigans.
mom is also being extremely emotionally manipulative over your plans.
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nta -- they can divide up. and who wants xmas with their ex.
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nta. they are not entitled to your home.
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nta. you offered a compromise and now your family are being a hs. i’d politely tell them you’ve changed your mind and they can not use your house at all now. they can meet at one of their homes. their homes may not be as spacious, but they’ll find room to fit everyone, trust me.
| null | null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null | null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i invited my family to spend christmas morning at my house. it’s common knowledge within my family that my family (husband /26 and daughter /4) spend christmas afternoon over at my in laws house and christmas evening is spent as just us three. well in our family group chat my mom asked if they could use my house while i’m gone at the in-laws, because no one else’s home can fit all of us (6 brothers and their so, sister and her so, my mom and stepdad, and my dad and step mom) i told her no. my mom proceeded to call me selfish, and i’m already “taking her only grand baby away from her on christmas” the least i could do is let them use my home. i then proceeded to give a compromised, i said “ya’ll can use my home to get together if you don’t turn it into a party. and that they leave before we return home.” i didn’t even ask them to clean up after themselves. i thought i made a fairly reasonable request but she just cursed me out and proceeded to tell me that “partying” was our tradition on christmas and i was being unreasonable to ask them not to. i basically just stopped replying, cause it’s not worth it. but my siblings have messaged me privately also expressing how “selfish” and “entitled” i’m being. i will like to add, i have a 4 year old autistic daughter. christmas is already hard enough, we need our evening to help our daughter decompress from the day. also i really don’t think it’s appropriate for her to see grown adults wasted and acting foolish. so reddit, aita for not letting my family use my home to party? edit to add: i think they fee the way they do because it used to be “our family home” before our parents divorced. but we (my husband and i) are the ones that own it now. maybe that’s why i’m selfish? cause it was our family home and now i’m not letting them use it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i invited my family to spend christmas morning at my house. it’s common knowledge within my family that my family (husband /26 and daughter /4) spend christmas afternoon over at my in laws house and christmas evening is spent as just us three. well in our family group chat my mom asked if they could use my house while i’m gone at the in-laws, because no one else’s home can fit all of us (6 brothers and their so, sister and her so, my mom and stepdad, and my dad and step mom) i told her no. my mom proceeded to call me selfish, and i’m already “taking her only grand baby away from her on christmas” the least i could do is let them use my home. i then proceeded to give a compromised, i said “ya’ll can use my home to get together if you don’t turn it into a party. and that they leave before we return home.” i didn’t even ask them to clean up after themselves. i thought i made a fairly reasonable request but she just cursed me out and proceeded to tell me that “partying” was our tradition on christmas and i was being unreasonable to ask them not to. i basically just stopped replying, cause it’s not worth it. but my siblings have messaged me privately also expressing how “selfish” and “entitled” i’m being. i will like to add, i have a 4 year old autistic daughter. christmas is already hard enough, we need our evening to help our daughter decompress from the day. also i really don’t think it’s appropriate for her to see grown adults wasted and acting foolish. so reddit, aita for not letting my family use my home to party? edit to add: i think they fee the way they do because it used to be “our family home” before our parents divorced. but we (my husband and i) are the ones that own it now. maybe that’s why i’m selfish? cause it was our family home and now i’m not letting them use it. [/INST] nta. the idea that to eat your food, drink your drink and mess up your home while you're not there is wildly entitled also i hope they don't have a key to your place. </s>
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AITA for hiring a housekeeper to do my share of housecleaning?
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my boyfriend and i live together. we have similar finances (he makes a little more), but we mainly split the bills and manage our own funds. we used to divide a lot of the household tasks and it was causing a lot of fights (i am a very neat person, but i also have a busy schedule. he is more of a procrastinator and doesn't mind if things are dirty/messy.) so i used a portion of my budget to hire a housekeeper. i consider it a really worthwhile investment. her prices are great, i have more free time, and it's honestly been a boon to my mental health and anxiety to have another thing off my plate.
however, now my boyfriend has stopped doing some of the tasks he's done before and he expects me to take them up because "i'm doing less and taking the easy way out." he used to do the laundry as part of our agreement (i would scrub toilets/showers/etc., but he feels like this new arrangement is unfair since i'm not doing as much work as i was before (i do dishes and tidying throughout the week). i think it is fair and he should continue as he was before, and if he doesn't want to continue his chores, he should figure out a way to outsource as well.
i'm also getting more frustrated because he's leaving things more of a mess because "the cleaning lady will get it" and that wasn't the reason i hired her at all.
i just want to know, aita for hiring her and expecting to lighten my load while continuing him to uphold his end?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tt3oe0/aita_for_hiring_a_housekeeper_to_do_my_share_of/
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2022-03-31 16:31:15
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nta
if he thinks that it is so unfair than he can fess up the $$$ for his own housekeeper. and are you really sure it was equal before? i would put scrubbing toilets way before laundry. (way before as in way more time consuming/harder)
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nta. he has two options: a) pay half the housekeeping bill and expand the scope of her work to include his duties, or b) stfu and carry his load. he doesn't get to call you a slacker, or slack off on his portion. your responsibility is to ensure that the cleaning happens. it is not to do it yourself, as some kind of penance.
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nta. if he wants to offload his responsibilities, he can pitch for the housekeeper.
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nta you should both be paying the cleaner now and only do your laundry not his. he needs to grow up and be less selfish
side bar: my cleaning lady felt the need to comment last night “your floors were really dirty”, ma’am i think you misunderstand why i need you.
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nta, but could you both reach a compromise? if he pays for half the the fee of the cleaner, and you both split up the other chores (laundry, dishes, etc.), would that work for you or both of you? relationships are about teamwork and making sure everyone is heard and compromises can be made and agreed upon.
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nta. you hired the housekeeper to do your share of the chores. if he wants the same benefits, he should pay the housekeeper to do his share. also, good idea on getting a housekeeper!
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nta he needs to pitch in to pay the cleaning lady or keep up his half of the chores. you’re not his mom and aren’t going to pick up after him.
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nta - but why are you still with this guy!? he sounds like and entitled slob who does not care about you!
keep the housekeeper, fire the bf.
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nta. if you have the money to spare & want a housekeeper, get one. and if he’s not doing the laundry anymore, just do your own
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nta. just because you hired someone to do your share doesn't mean he gets to stop contributing.
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i live together. we have similar finances (he makes a little more), but we mainly split the bills and manage our own funds. we used to divide a lot of the household tasks and it was causing a lot of fights (i am a very neat person, but i also have a busy schedule. he is more of a procrastinator and doesn't mind if things are dirty/messy.) so i used a portion of my budget to hire a housekeeper. i consider it a really worthwhile investment. her prices are great, i have more free time, and it's honestly been a boon to my mental health and anxiety to have another thing off my plate. however, now my boyfriend has stopped doing some of the tasks he's done before and he expects me to take them up because "i'm doing less and taking the easy way out." he used to do the laundry as part of our agreement (i would scrub toilets/showers/etc., but he feels like this new arrangement is unfair since i'm not doing as much work as i was before (i do dishes and tidying throughout the week). i think it is fair and he should continue as he was before, and if he doesn't want to continue his chores, he should figure out a way to outsource as well. i'm also getting more frustrated because he's leaving things more of a mess because "the cleaning lady will get it" and that wasn't the reason i hired her at all. i just want to know, aita for hiring her and expecting to lighten my load while continuing him to uphold his end?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend and i live together. we have similar finances (he makes a little more), but we mainly split the bills and manage our own funds. we used to divide a lot of the household tasks and it was causing a lot of fights (i am a very neat person, but i also have a busy schedule. he is more of a procrastinator and doesn't mind if things are dirty/messy.) so i used a portion of my budget to hire a housekeeper. i consider it a really worthwhile investment. her prices are great, i have more free time, and it's honestly been a boon to my mental health and anxiety to have another thing off my plate. however, now my boyfriend has stopped doing some of the tasks he's done before and he expects me to take them up because "i'm doing less and taking the easy way out." he used to do the laundry as part of our agreement (i would scrub toilets/showers/etc., but he feels like this new arrangement is unfair since i'm not doing as much work as i was before (i do dishes and tidying throughout the week). i think it is fair and he should continue as he was before, and if he doesn't want to continue his chores, he should figure out a way to outsource as well. i'm also getting more frustrated because he's leaving things more of a mess because "the cleaning lady will get it" and that wasn't the reason i hired her at all. i just want to know, aita for hiring her and expecting to lighten my load while continuing him to uphold his end? [/INST] nta if he thinks that it is so unfair than he can fess up the $$$ for his own housekeeper. and are you really sure it was equal before? i would put scrubbing toilets way before laundry. (way before as in way more time consuming/harder) </s>
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AITA For being upset that my wife wants me to use all my vacation time for her family events
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my wife (35f) and i (37m) have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids (8 & 5). last year my wife was offered a pretty big promotion at her job. it's a huge step up and a big boost to her career goals, but it would require a relocation. after talking it over, we decided she should take it. we moved about 6 months ago. i was able to get a new job in our new city, but i only get 10 vacation days for the first year. part of my wife's promotion was that she got a lot more vacation days (she has 5 weeks).
she's already used a couple weeks of her vacation time for trips with her friends or sisters. i've stayed home with the kids while she's on these trips. she also took the kids on a trip while i stayed at home. she still has over 2 weeks of vacation time left. we've started discussing our holiday plans for this coming winter and she wants to go visit her parents for an extended visit. she wants to take time off around xmas and new year's and stay with them for 2 weeks. that's all well and good, but that's pretty much all of my vacation time.
i told her that i don't want to use all of my vacation time just to go and see her family. i said i would be ok with using 5 days or so, but i want to save some time for me to use for things i want to do, like she did. she got upset because she wants us all to be together for the holidays and since the kids have all that time off school anyway, it makes sense to her that we would stay for a long time. we also haven't seen her parents since we moved, so i get why she wants to stay that long.
i've tried offering that she can stay for as long as she wants with the kids and i would head home by myself early, but that wasn't acceptable because she doesn't want to fly with both kids by herself. which i understand, but i'm just trying to compromise.
she wants to start booking flights and i am not willing to use all my vacation time for one trip to see her family. we got into a fight over it because she's not willing to accept my compromises. i finally got mad at her and told her that she got to use as much time as she wanted to do fun things for herself while i watched the kids, and i want to be able to do the same.
i told her that it's great that she has so many new benefits from her new job, but i had to start over and i don't have those same options. she took that as me being resentful for moving, which isn't true. i'm happy she got promoted and i'm not mad about relocating. but i am upset that she isn't willing to understand that my work circumstances are drastically different from hers now.
i am not willing to budge on this and she's mad at me that i am not simply going along with what she wants to do. i know it's important that she sees her family, but i just want the option to do fun things for myself like she did. she thinks i'm being petty and stubborn because i'm jealous of her promotion.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vs7y4t/aita_for_being_upset_that_my_wife_wants_me_to_use/
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2022-07-05 20:54:16
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nta. i don’t see anything wrong with your compromise and she’s not willing to compromise at all by the sounds of it.
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nta.
op, tell your wife that 2 weeks with her family would leave you no vacation days for anything else. what about your side of the family?
she needs to be aware that some people don't get more days off until later on at the same job. she's not being considerate here.
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nta
your wife needs to take a moment to reflect on the absolute nonsense of her position. she can spend two weeks there. you don't have that luxury. deal with it.
further every somewhat capable adult can fly with two kids. it's not hard. it's a simple task she and everybody else is able to perform.
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nta: this would be my hill to die on. it is unreasonable and unfair of her to decide that your vacation time should be spent how she feels it should be spent. you should be allowed to go and have kid-free days just like she did.
&#x200b;
i would insist on couple counseling to help her understand that you aren't being resentful but asking for some equity to ensure that you aren't burned out.
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nta. you are being more than reasonable. at this point, i will say, go ahead and book but leave me out of it. i am taking the 10 day vacation that i have for myself.
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nta, you’ve supported your wife in her career and with making sure she has time to herself, the least you deserve is a couple of days to do want you want.
why on earth does she think she can control if you have a couple of days of ‘me time’ when she expects the same?
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nta - 10 days is definitely not much time at all. you should at least get to use a few days how you want to.
i’m guessing she’s not seeing it clearly because she has so much extra time that she’s getting to use it for whatever and she’s not as restricted. not sure why she’s unwilling to compromise on it? you seem to be being pretty reasonable and fair in your explanations.
it sounds like you made a sacrifice in moving so she could take this great opportunity and it seems fair that you’d get, at least, a few days of vacation time to use as you’d like. i guess just keep reassuring her you’re proud of her and happy for her promotion, but you should get a little compromise here. good luck!
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nta.
you just can't win here with her, that's not how a partner should act. and i have to say, no wonder she wants to have a long stay with her parents ... she's been obviously spoiled by them.
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honestly after reading your story and then reading through a few of the comments, it just sounds like your wife doesn’t want to compromise because she does not want you to be able to have “me-time” without her.
she was able to take the children on vacation by herself yet she’s unable to bring the children back from her parents house by herself.
your wife is simply selfish. and is playing the victim. she’s trying to flip the script on you claiming that you’re only acting this way because you’re jealous that she received a promotion. if you truly wanted to be petty simply only use five of your vacation days, and call out the extra 5 days she wants you to stay. her promotion should help with the money you are losing :) since she’s so quick to throw that in your face.
just my thoughts.
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honestly, if i only had 10 days, my in laws would see me 2/10 max. you need time for you, your immediate family and your side of the family. your wife is selfish and inconsiderate. nt
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife (35f) and i (37m) have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids (8 & 5). last year my wife was offered a pretty big promotion at her job. it's a huge step up and a big boost to her career goals, but it would require a relocation. after talking it over, we decided she should take it. we moved about 6 months ago. i was able to get a new job in our new city, but i only get 10 vacation days for the first year. part of my wife's promotion was that she got a lot more vacation days (she has 5 weeks). she's already used a couple weeks of her vacation time for trips with her friends or sisters. i've stayed home with the kids while she's on these trips. she also took the kids on a trip while i stayed at home. she still has over 2 weeks of vacation time left. we've started discussing our holiday plans for this coming winter and she wants to go visit her parents for an extended visit. she wants to take time off around xmas and new year's and stay with them for 2 weeks. that's all well and good, but that's pretty much all of my vacation time. i told her that i don't want to use all of my vacation time just to go and see her family. i said i would be ok with using 5 days or so, but i want to save some time for me to use for things i want to do, like she did. she got upset because she wants us all to be together for the holidays and since the kids have all that time off school anyway, it makes sense to her that we would stay for a long time. we also haven't seen her parents since we moved, so i get why she wants to stay that long. i've tried offering that she can stay for as long as she wants with the kids and i would head home by myself early, but that wasn't acceptable because she doesn't want to fly with both kids by herself. which i understand, but i'm just trying to compromise. she wants to start booking flights and i am not willing to use all my vacation time for one trip to see her family. we got into a fight over it because she's not willing to accept my compromises. i finally got mad at her and told her that she got to use as much time as she wanted to do fun things for herself while i watched the kids, and i want to be able to do the same. i told her that it's great that she has so many new benefits from her new job, but i had to start over and i don't have those same options. she took that as me being resentful for moving, which isn't true. i'm happy she got promoted and i'm not mad about relocating. but i am upset that she isn't willing to understand that my work circumstances are drastically different from hers now. i am not willing to budge on this and she's mad at me that i am not simply going along with what she wants to do. i know it's important that she sees her family, but i just want the option to do fun things for myself like she did. she thinks i'm being petty and stubborn because i'm jealous of her promotion.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife (35f) and i (37m) have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids (8 & 5). last year my wife was offered a pretty big promotion at her job. it's a huge step up and a big boost to her career goals, but it would require a relocation. after talking it over, we decided she should take it. we moved about 6 months ago. i was able to get a new job in our new city, but i only get 10 vacation days for the first year. part of my wife's promotion was that she got a lot more vacation days (she has 5 weeks). she's already used a couple weeks of her vacation time for trips with her friends or sisters. i've stayed home with the kids while she's on these trips. she also took the kids on a trip while i stayed at home. she still has over 2 weeks of vacation time left. we've started discussing our holiday plans for this coming winter and she wants to go visit her parents for an extended visit. she wants to take time off around xmas and new year's and stay with them for 2 weeks. that's all well and good, but that's pretty much all of my vacation time. i told her that i don't want to use all of my vacation time just to go and see her family. i said i would be ok with using 5 days or so, but i want to save some time for me to use for things i want to do, like she did. she got upset because she wants us all to be together for the holidays and since the kids have all that time off school anyway, it makes sense to her that we would stay for a long time. we also haven't seen her parents since we moved, so i get why she wants to stay that long. i've tried offering that she can stay for as long as she wants with the kids and i would head home by myself early, but that wasn't acceptable because she doesn't want to fly with both kids by herself. which i understand, but i'm just trying to compromise. she wants to start booking flights and i am not willing to use all my vacation time for one trip to see her family. we got into a fight over it because she's not willing to accept my compromises. i finally got mad at her and told her that she got to use as much time as she wanted to do fun things for herself while i watched the kids, and i want to be able to do the same. i told her that it's great that she has so many new benefits from her new job, but i had to start over and i don't have those same options. she took that as me being resentful for moving, which isn't true. i'm happy she got promoted and i'm not mad about relocating. but i am upset that she isn't willing to understand that my work circumstances are drastically different from hers now. i am not willing to budge on this and she's mad at me that i am not simply going along with what she wants to do. i know it's important that she sees her family, but i just want the option to do fun things for myself like she did. she thinks i'm being petty and stubborn because i'm jealous of her promotion. [/INST] nta. i don’t see anything wrong with your compromise and she’s not willing to compromise at all by the sounds of it. </s>
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AITA for not allowing my fiance’s mom to see our daughter
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my fiancé(24m) and i (22f) have a beautiful 8-month-old lo.
my fiancé’s mom has been a struggle to deal with since we got together but has been worse since i was pregnant.
we only told our moms our child's name and specifically told them to keep it a secret until our baby was born. lo has my sister's middle name, so i wanted it to be a surprise. however, his mom told her entire family the name. her excuse? “i’m just so excited to be a grandma.” she constantly touched my stomach while i was pregnant, which i hated. i never even let my mom touch my belly.
she also commented about my weight and how much i ate when i was near her. she’s done this to my fiancé since we have been together, which never sat right with me.
we made it clear to her that i only wanted my mom and my fiancé at the hospital. this is not only because of the two visitor rule in place, but i also didn’t want someone that has made comments about my body seeing the most intimate parts of me. my daughter's birth was sudden as i had pre-eclampsia. his mother showed up at the hospital hours after our daughter was born “just to give us a baby blanket.” however, the hospital was an hour and a half away from her home.
we have dogs and a baby, so we asked everyone to tell us when they would like to visit with lo. she has shown up at our house on multiple occasions without notifying us. my fiancé would go to the door and tell her that she couldn’t come in because she did not ask to go and she would leave crying.
the final nail in the coffin? she talks shit about us on social media constantly. here are just some examples. she posted a link to an article that read, “heartwarming how a son treats his mother is an indication of how he will treat his wife,” and captioned it bullshit. her sister commented on a photo of our lo, and his mom replied that she (his mom) would get in trouble because she commented on the post. that has never happened. i just told her that i did not like that she shared photos of lo without permission.
so, aita for not letting her see lo? i honestly feel so bad for my fiancé because he always sticks up for me, but i can see that it’s taking a toll on him. they already didn’t have a great relationship before i came into the picture, and now he has said that he wants nothing to do with her.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/up6ges/aita_for_not_allowing_my_fiances_mom_to_see_our/
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2022-05-14 01:28:51
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nta. and i'm glad your fiancee is on the same page. mil has serious boundary issues and i'm sure it will only get worse.
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nta. if you saw someone feeding your child something poisonous, you'd put a stop to it. don't let this woman fill your lo's mind with vile, toxic shit.
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nta
you and your fiance have to set firm boundaries with her. if the only way you can make her respect your boundaries is to not let her see the baby, then that's what you have to do.
good luck and congratulations on your baby
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nta. maintain your boundaries unless she apologizes and changes her behavior. good for your fiance for doing the right thing and sticking up for you.
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[removed]
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nta—your fiancé needs to set boundaries with his mother, outline the consequences for crossing those boundaries, and he needs to be the one sticking to those consequences when she inevitably does.
you’re in a vulnerable state, as a new mom, and the last friggin thing you need in your vicinity is an overdramatic, selfish, judgemental witch.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiancé(24m) and i (22f) have a beautiful 8-month-old lo. my fiancé’s mom has been a struggle to deal with since we got together but has been worse since i was pregnant. we only told our moms our child's name and specifically told them to keep it a secret until our baby was born. lo has my sister's middle name, so i wanted it to be a surprise. however, his mom told her entire family the name. her excuse? “i’m just so excited to be a grandma.” she constantly touched my stomach while i was pregnant, which i hated. i never even let my mom touch my belly. she also commented about my weight and how much i ate when i was near her. she’s done this to my fiancé since we have been together, which never sat right with me. we made it clear to her that i only wanted my mom and my fiancé at the hospital. this is not only because of the two visitor rule in place, but i also didn’t want someone that has made comments about my body seeing the most intimate parts of me. my daughter's birth was sudden as i had pre-eclampsia. his mother showed up at the hospital hours after our daughter was born “just to give us a baby blanket.” however, the hospital was an hour and a half away from her home. we have dogs and a baby, so we asked everyone to tell us when they would like to visit with lo. she has shown up at our house on multiple occasions without notifying us. my fiancé would go to the door and tell her that she couldn’t come in because she did not ask to go and she would leave crying. the final nail in the coffin? she talks shit about us on social media constantly. here are just some examples. she posted a link to an article that read, “heartwarming how a son treats his mother is an indication of how he will treat his wife,” and captioned it bullshit. her sister commented on a photo of our lo, and his mom replied that she (his mom) would get in trouble because she commented on the post. that has never happened. i just told her that i did not like that she shared photos of lo without permission. so, aita for not letting her see lo? i honestly feel so bad for my fiancé because he always sticks up for me, but i can see that it’s taking a toll on him. they already didn’t have a great relationship before i came into the picture, and now he has said that he wants nothing to do with her.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiancé(24m) and i (22f) have a beautiful 8-month-old lo. my fiancé’s mom has been a struggle to deal with since we got together but has been worse since i was pregnant. we only told our moms our child's name and specifically told them to keep it a secret until our baby was born. lo has my sister's middle name, so i wanted it to be a surprise. however, his mom told her entire family the name. her excuse? “i’m just so excited to be a grandma.” she constantly touched my stomach while i was pregnant, which i hated. i never even let my mom touch my belly. she also commented about my weight and how much i ate when i was near her. she’s done this to my fiancé since we have been together, which never sat right with me. we made it clear to her that i only wanted my mom and my fiancé at the hospital. this is not only because of the two visitor rule in place, but i also didn’t want someone that has made comments about my body seeing the most intimate parts of me. my daughter's birth was sudden as i had pre-eclampsia. his mother showed up at the hospital hours after our daughter was born “just to give us a baby blanket.” however, the hospital was an hour and a half away from her home. we have dogs and a baby, so we asked everyone to tell us when they would like to visit with lo. she has shown up at our house on multiple occasions without notifying us. my fiancé would go to the door and tell her that she couldn’t come in because she did not ask to go and she would leave crying. the final nail in the coffin? she talks shit about us on social media constantly. here are just some examples. she posted a link to an article that read, “heartwarming how a son treats his mother is an indication of how he will treat his wife,” and captioned it bullshit. her sister commented on a photo of our lo, and his mom replied that she (his mom) would get in trouble because she commented on the post. that has never happened. i just told her that i did not like that she shared photos of lo without permission. so, aita for not letting her see lo? i honestly feel so bad for my fiancé because he always sticks up for me, but i can see that it’s taking a toll on him. they already didn’t have a great relationship before i came into the picture, and now he has said that he wants nothing to do with her. [/INST] nta. and i'm glad your fiancee is on the same page. mil has serious boundary issues and i'm sure it will only get worse. </s>
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