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AITA for telling my friend to fuck off with his 9/11 “survivors guilt”?
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someone i went to high school with happened to be in new york like 3 days before 9/11 and stayed at an hotel near the world trade center. every 9/11 he makes a bullshit post on facebook about his he feels survivors guilt and he’s thankful to be alive. i got sick of this shit so i called him out for it on facebook telling him to stop making this about him and to stop seeking attention and sympathy on facebook. millions of people were in new york when this happened who were more affected than he was. he’s not special or unique and what he’s doing is pathetic. most people supported me while others said i need to be more sympathetic.
we’re from vermont, this guy happened to be in new york on vacation 3 days before 9/11. wasn’t personally affected at all
| 6,772 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/doeqox/aita_for_telling_my_friend_to_fuck_off_with_his/
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2019-10-28 20:25:35
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yta. what the fuck do you accomplish by being a dick to him? who cares if this is his way of dealing with things. it doesn't affect you
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unpopular opinion i guess but nta. that would piss me the hell off too. 3 days before 9/11 so not on 9/11? yeah if he has such a problem with it after 18 years he should seek out therapy insted of social media attention. and who feel "survivors guilt" in a situation like that? it would be survivors guilt if he was actually there and survived.
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esh.
seems quite melodramatic of him and a bit attention seeking. but it’s also a bit over the top to call him out on his facebook post. i mean - why does it personally bother you? there are so many thirsty people on social media, why not think your two cents and let him be desperate?
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unpopular opinion, but nta. i was at the pentagon on 9/11 and i have to stay off social media on the anniversary because the number of people still posting about how traumatized they are from watching the towers collapse on a tv in their third grade classroom in phoenix, arizona is upsetting to me. i'm not saying that only people who were in nyc or dc on 9/11 can be traumatized, but that particular type of attention-seeking, let me tell you my traumatic personal story facebook post never seems to come from those of us who were actually there.
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yta. gatekeeping trauma is always an asshole move.
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nta. hes just trying to make himself more interesting.
btw i know a guy who worked a few streets down in a restaurant at 9/11 took pictures, took care of panicking customers and years later showed and told me when i visited him in the south of italy. that was a very unexpected but cool thing.
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esh - your friend is a attention seeking whore, and you're engaging on a fb post, block, unfriend ignore.
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nta. lol @ your friend. what a tool
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nta if he wasnt there on 9/11 he doesn't have survivors guilt that's not really how it works. i don't think you should have called him out on a facebook post i think it's more of a private message thing
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nta. i dislike any of this shit. stop posting about the tragedy of others and human atrocities you felt only through retellings. its harmful to real victims to see that shit while they struggle with actual result of trauma with no support.
stfu and start helping people if you care so much. vote for politicians who support universal health care including comprehensive mental health care. write a check to your local domestic violence shelter. help build a house for those who can't afford them. 1 in 6 kids in the us is on and off hungry. get up and help before you make a post about it.
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
| 0.427172 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: someone i went to high school with happened to be in new york like 3 days before 9/11 and stayed at an hotel near the world trade center. every 9/11 he makes a bullshit post on facebook about his he feels survivors guilt and he’s thankful to be alive. i got sick of this shit so i called him out for it on facebook telling him to stop making this about him and to stop seeking attention and sympathy on facebook. millions of people were in new york when this happened who were more affected than he was. he’s not special or unique and what he’s doing is pathetic. most people supported me while others said i need to be more sympathetic. we’re from vermont, this guy happened to be in new york on vacation 3 days before 9/11. wasn’t personally affected at all
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
someone i went to high school with happened to be in new york like 3 days before 9/11 and stayed at an hotel near the world trade center. every 9/11 he makes a bullshit post on facebook about his he feels survivors guilt and he’s thankful to be alive. i got sick of this shit so i called him out for it on facebook telling him to stop making this about him and to stop seeking attention and sympathy on facebook. millions of people were in new york when this happened who were more affected than he was. he’s not special or unique and what he’s doing is pathetic. most people supported me while others said i need to be more sympathetic. we’re from vermont, this guy happened to be in new york on vacation 3 days before 9/11. wasn’t personally affected at all [/INST] yta. what the fuck do you accomplish by being a dick to him? who cares if this is his way of dealing with things. it doesn't affect you </s>
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AITA for grounding my son after he decorated his room without his stepmother?
|
i 47m have 2 sons from my past marriage. abel 16 and michael 15. when i got remarried six years ago abel was very accepting and got on great with his new stepmom laurie. michael put up a fuss and was adamant about being with his mom full time. i fought like hell to keep him in my custody but once he hit 13 the agreement changed anyways. he stays with his mom half the month and with us the other half.
we moved last year and laurie and abel have spent time decorating abels room and making it his own. michael was offered the same thing recently. laurie offered to take him to ikea, best buy and some other store to find some new furniture and have a day to put the room together. he said he'd think about it and she respected that but still showed him paint colors, beds and stuff to get him excited about it. last weekend he came home with a pod full of furniture his mom bought him. i asked him about it and he said his mom helped him pick out the furniture and was coming around in a few to help him build it and arrange everything. i told laurie as a heads up and she was absolutely crushed. i took my son aside and told him the kind and fair thing to do would be to invite laurie to help. he said "nah." and told me he wanted to build with his *mom*. unbeknownst to me laurie did try to join them and asked if they needed help and my son sent her away and locked the door so she wouldn't come back.
after laurie told me this i grounded him for the week and told him at least he'd enjoy the room his *mom* helped decorate. he of course left early to his mother's and told me he he'd see me on our next rotation. laurie is saying i shouldn't have grounded him for spending time with his mom and my ex wife is saying if i keep treating him like this i i won't see michael outside of holidays and birthdays.
edit for info: my son told me his mom was coming to help him decorate and i *did* say yes hoping he'd make it a "step'mom and mom" type of thing, i wasn't expecting him to completely exclude laurie.
to those who *must* know why my marriage ended, my wife came out and realized she couldn't be with me and be her most authentic self. i do not harbor hate towards her, if that can explain why i don't hate my ex-wife and why my current wife wasn't too upset to see her in the house. the marriage ended as amicable as possible until it came to custody.
| 9,137 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qa10j4/aita_for_grounding_my_son_after_he_decorated_his/
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2021-10-17 15:32:09
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yta.
this is how you end up with a kid going no contact with you as soon as they can.
michael told you he'd think about it. he went a different direction on *his* room. even your current wife is on the level that you're in the wrong here.
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yta. michael has a mother and isn't interested in a mother/son relationship with your new wife. michael wanted a new bedroom. you wanted him to have a bonding experience with your wife. he's made it clear he is not interested in that. you need to respect his wishes or risk further alienating him.
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yta. the kid is allowed to want to spend time with his mom instead of your wife.
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yta. your ex is right. stop trying to force your son to like your new wife. you’re just going to make him hate her more. he may never accept her and that’s 100% his right. you can’t and shouldn’t force him to have a relationship with her. he didn’t do anything wrong by not wanting her involved with decorating his space.
|
yta
you can't force a relationship between your son and your current wife.
you got married, by choice. he got a new housemate where he had no say in the matter. you wife is not his mom, and she's barely his stepmom - there is the legal relationship due to your marriage, but there is no way in which she's stepping into the place of his mother.
if there is a task that you would typically rely on his mother to do, then you need to go to his mother, not try to push him to do a "mother" thing with your wife.
if you don't want his mother involved in decorating his room, then ***you***, as his father and other parent, need to step up and do the work of helping him decorate. not try to force your wife on him in place of his mother.
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yta. you are trying to force a relationship between them when michael very clearly doesn’t want to have one. he didn’t even want to live with you even part time.
|
yta
micheal doesn’t have to spend time with your wife, what he did was insensitive (inviting your ex to your house without asking) but it’s ridiculous to ground him for not wanting to decorate his room with your wife, he clearly hates being at your house and is at an age where he can chose to stay with his mum full time so why break your relationship with him even more? let it go man, he didn’t do anything to her other than uphold his boundary of not wanting to spend time with her.
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> i fought like hell to keep him in my custody but once he hit 13 the agreement changed anyways. he stays with his mom half the month and with us the other half.
info : what was the custody arangement from age 9-13? did you really force a 9 year old kid to have *no* contact with his mom or something? is there any history of abuse or any reason he didn't already get to spend half his time with his other parent those years?
|
yta,
and don't be suprised if he doesn't want to anything with you anymore when he is 18
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yta. you can’t ground a human because of the choice they made about who they would like to spend time with. they may be your children but they have their own autonomy.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i 47m have 2 sons from my past marriage. abel 16 and michael 15. when i got remarried six years ago abel was very accepting and got on great with his new stepmom laurie. michael put up a fuss and was adamant about being with his mom full time. i fought like hell to keep him in my custody but once he hit 13 the agreement changed anyways. he stays with his mom half the month and with us the other half. we moved last year and laurie and abel have spent time decorating abels room and making it his own. michael was offered the same thing recently. laurie offered to take him to ikea, best buy and some other store to find some new furniture and have a day to put the room together. he said he'd think about it and she respected that but still showed him paint colors, beds and stuff to get him excited about it. last weekend he came home with a pod full of furniture his mom bought him. i asked him about it and he said his mom helped him pick out the furniture and was coming around in a few to help him build it and arrange everything. i told laurie as a heads up and she was absolutely crushed. i took my son aside and told him the kind and fair thing to do would be to invite laurie to help. he said "nah." and told me he wanted to build with his *mom*. unbeknownst to me laurie did try to join them and asked if they needed help and my son sent her away and locked the door so she wouldn't come back. after laurie told me this i grounded him for the week and told him at least he'd enjoy the room his *mom* helped decorate. he of course left early to his mother's and told me he he'd see me on our next rotation. laurie is saying i shouldn't have grounded him for spending time with his mom and my ex wife is saying if i keep treating him like this i i won't see michael outside of holidays and birthdays. edit for info: my son told me his mom was coming to help him decorate and i *did* say yes hoping he'd make it a "step'mom and mom" type of thing, i wasn't expecting him to completely exclude laurie. to those who *must* know why my marriage ended, my wife came out and realized she couldn't be with me and be her most authentic self. i do not harbor hate towards her, if that can explain why i don't hate my ex-wife and why my current wife wasn't too upset to see her in the house. the marriage ended as amicable as possible until it came to custody.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i 47m have 2 sons from my past marriage. abel 16 and michael 15. when i got remarried six years ago abel was very accepting and got on great with his new stepmom laurie. michael put up a fuss and was adamant about being with his mom full time. i fought like hell to keep him in my custody but once he hit 13 the agreement changed anyways. he stays with his mom half the month and with us the other half. we moved last year and laurie and abel have spent time decorating abels room and making it his own. michael was offered the same thing recently. laurie offered to take him to ikea, best buy and some other store to find some new furniture and have a day to put the room together. he said he'd think about it and she respected that but still showed him paint colors, beds and stuff to get him excited about it. last weekend he came home with a pod full of furniture his mom bought him. i asked him about it and he said his mom helped him pick out the furniture and was coming around in a few to help him build it and arrange everything. i told laurie as a heads up and she was absolutely crushed. i took my son aside and told him the kind and fair thing to do would be to invite laurie to help. he said "nah." and told me he wanted to build with his *mom*. unbeknownst to me laurie did try to join them and asked if they needed help and my son sent her away and locked the door so she wouldn't come back. after laurie told me this i grounded him for the week and told him at least he'd enjoy the room his *mom* helped decorate. he of course left early to his mother's and told me he he'd see me on our next rotation. laurie is saying i shouldn't have grounded him for spending time with his mom and my ex wife is saying if i keep treating him like this i i won't see michael outside of holidays and birthdays. edit for info: my son told me his mom was coming to help him decorate and i *did* say yes hoping he'd make it a "step'mom and mom" type of thing, i wasn't expecting him to completely exclude laurie. to those who *must* know why my marriage ended, my wife came out and realized she couldn't be with me and be her most authentic self. i do not harbor hate towards her, if that can explain why i don't hate my ex-wife and why my current wife wasn't too upset to see her in the house. the marriage ended as amicable as possible until it came to custody. [/INST] yta. this is how you end up with a kid going no contact with you as soon as they can. michael told you he'd think about it. he went a different direction on *his* room. even your current wife is on the level that you're in the wrong here. </s>
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AITA for my sister ending her pregnancy and possibly her marriage?
|
i (m32) have two older brothers (m38 and m40) and a sister (f34). note the age differences. our dad passed away 5 years ago in our hometown (a more suburban town in wisconsin).
our family was relatively modest when my brothers grew up, so they were cared for a lot by my parent’s families who are very conservative. my dad personally, was not. by the time me and my sister were born, our dad’s career was doing great and we were well off. me and my sister have master’s while our brothers didn’t go to college despite the funds and chances.
my mom had been trying to set my sister up with a churchgoer’s kid. this didn’t progress until around the time my dad died and my sister came back and helped with the funeral. my brother’s families are both in town as well. i worked in tech in china then and live in sf now and since the funeral have been mostly lc with everyone except my sister. honestly, i was very close with my dad and there was obvious favoritism towards me which the others didn’t like. so, my mom and oldest brother now technically live in my house.
my sister somehow ended up leaving her career and moving back. she married the man my mom set her up with in 2019. i honestly was in shock at the wedding. i really didn’t ever see my sister living on a farm and becoming a stay at home mom. i knew for a fact my mom and brothers had a huge part in this, because there were a lot of “she’s back home” posts. later i found out that she had pretty much given all her savings to her husband.
late 2020, my sister, straight out of the blue started calling me and just “chatting” about things. i of course, love this. early in 2021, my mom told me she was pregnant. i immediately asked my sister about this and she kinda broke down. in short, the husband has been abusive, she’s broke and my family and her in laws haven’t helped. my oldest brother wailed at her about how his wife went through the same thing and my sister should stop thinking she’s special. the first time she called me, he had kicked her out of their home for complaining about their finances. this was fairly common.
this is where iata: i basically yelled at her too. i told her that she had a career which she can still go back to and i can help her move back to nyc (where she worked / studied before). and that the pregnancy wasn’t the end of it and there were other options.
the next day she asked me for 5k which i sent to her without asking. i didn’t hear much after and didn’t intrude coz it was a total mindfuck. a month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in nyc and filed for divorce. the pregnancy is also no longer on the table.
now my family has been blowing up my social media calling me all sorts of shit. i’ve in general called them shit back as well and the home might be on the market soon. my sister needed to switch apartments and got a restraining order against her ex and well… things aren’t great, but i’m happy my sister is better. so aita?
| 24,971 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r7vlhu/aita_for_my_sister_ending_her_pregnancy_and/
|
2021-12-03 09:47:50
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nta.
two words: abusive husband.
you did her a favor.
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you're nta for helping your sister get out of an abusive relationship. you probably saved her life, especially since he is now stalking her in nyc.
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nta. i would probably kick your mom and oldest brother out of your house
for how they treated your sister.
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oh my goodness, nta! you saved your sister's life and i'm so sorry that you have to deal with a family like that!
listen, i'm sorry to say this, but you have to distance yourself away from your mother and brothers. go full nc. they obviously don't care about the wellbeing of their own and your brother is possibly being harmful towards his wife in some way, just to guess.
they will probably try to harrass your sister. guilt her,blame her, make her feel like she is the epitome of the worst thing, because she didn't go and fit into their old fashioned views of a woman getting married, having babies, and being the picture of a domestic housewife who lets the men make all of the decisions, while she sits back in the background and looks pretty.
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nta and what the hell is this “wife went through the same thing”? did your brother just confess to being abusive?
your brothers and mother didn’t lift a finger to help your abused sister. do you really care what they think of you?
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nta. your sister was in an abusive marriage and you were the only one who didn't tell her to suck it up. you gave her the means to get out and change her life and that makes you the hero! good for you and for your sister for knowing her worth.
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nta. you are the only one that cared for her welfare, the others just cared about their own wants (she’s close to home/ easy to control or manipulate/ the “you need to give me a grand baby stage” etc) .
your brother also sounds abusive (saying his wife complained about the same thing and your sister isn’t special).
good on you for helping her, the rest of your selfish family would have left her in that marriage to become another statistic.
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many years ago, i was in trouble, and turned to my big brother to help. no questions asked, he was there for me 100%... financially, emotionally, and privately. he kept our secret until the day he died. he was forever my hero, and i miss him, every day.
bless you for your kindness. she'll never forget, i promise ❤️
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nta - you did the right thing. clearly you telling her that she could survive on her own was the motivation that she needed. knowing someone was finally in her corner helped her. your family is a bunch if ah’s for allowing an abusive relationship to go on and not do anything about it.
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nta! props to you for helping your sister! you've helped her out from an abusive situation.
>a month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in nyc and filed for divorce. the pregnancy is also no longer on the table.
that's wonderful. she longer has to put up with any of that crap (atleast not as much) and move on. also shame on your family for basically wanting her to be with a horrid person and screw up her life, just to save face.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m32) have two older brothers (m38 and m40) and a sister (f34). note the age differences. our dad passed away 5 years ago in our hometown (a more suburban town in wisconsin). our family was relatively modest when my brothers grew up, so they were cared for a lot by my parent’s families who are very conservative. my dad personally, was not. by the time me and my sister were born, our dad’s career was doing great and we were well off. me and my sister have master’s while our brothers didn’t go to college despite the funds and chances. my mom had been trying to set my sister up with a churchgoer’s kid. this didn’t progress until around the time my dad died and my sister came back and helped with the funeral. my brother’s families are both in town as well. i worked in tech in china then and live in sf now and since the funeral have been mostly lc with everyone except my sister. honestly, i was very close with my dad and there was obvious favoritism towards me which the others didn’t like. so, my mom and oldest brother now technically live in my house. my sister somehow ended up leaving her career and moving back. she married the man my mom set her up with in 2019. i honestly was in shock at the wedding. i really didn’t ever see my sister living on a farm and becoming a stay at home mom. i knew for a fact my mom and brothers had a huge part in this, because there were a lot of “she’s back home” posts. later i found out that she had pretty much given all her savings to her husband. late 2020, my sister, straight out of the blue started calling me and just “chatting” about things. i of course, love this. early in 2021, my mom told me she was pregnant. i immediately asked my sister about this and she kinda broke down. in short, the husband has been abusive, she’s broke and my family and her in laws haven’t helped. my oldest brother wailed at her about how his wife went through the same thing and my sister should stop thinking she’s special. the first time she called me, he had kicked her out of their home for complaining about their finances. this was fairly common. this is where iata: i basically yelled at her too. i told her that she had a career which she can still go back to and i can help her move back to nyc (where she worked / studied before). and that the pregnancy wasn’t the end of it and there were other options. the next day she asked me for 5k which i sent to her without asking. i didn’t hear much after and didn’t intrude coz it was a total mindfuck. a month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in nyc and filed for divorce. the pregnancy is also no longer on the table. now my family has been blowing up my social media calling me all sorts of shit. i’ve in general called them shit back as well and the home might be on the market soon. my sister needed to switch apartments and got a restraining order against her ex and well… things aren’t great, but i’m happy my sister is better. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (m32) have two older brothers (m38 and m40) and a sister (f34). note the age differences. our dad passed away 5 years ago in our hometown (a more suburban town in wisconsin). our family was relatively modest when my brothers grew up, so they were cared for a lot by my parent’s families who are very conservative. my dad personally, was not. by the time me and my sister were born, our dad’s career was doing great and we were well off. me and my sister have master’s while our brothers didn’t go to college despite the funds and chances. my mom had been trying to set my sister up with a churchgoer’s kid. this didn’t progress until around the time my dad died and my sister came back and helped with the funeral. my brother’s families are both in town as well. i worked in tech in china then and live in sf now and since the funeral have been mostly lc with everyone except my sister. honestly, i was very close with my dad and there was obvious favoritism towards me which the others didn’t like. so, my mom and oldest brother now technically live in my house. my sister somehow ended up leaving her career and moving back. she married the man my mom set her up with in 2019. i honestly was in shock at the wedding. i really didn’t ever see my sister living on a farm and becoming a stay at home mom. i knew for a fact my mom and brothers had a huge part in this, because there were a lot of “she’s back home” posts. later i found out that she had pretty much given all her savings to her husband. late 2020, my sister, straight out of the blue started calling me and just “chatting” about things. i of course, love this. early in 2021, my mom told me she was pregnant. i immediately asked my sister about this and she kinda broke down. in short, the husband has been abusive, she’s broke and my family and her in laws haven’t helped. my oldest brother wailed at her about how his wife went through the same thing and my sister should stop thinking she’s special. the first time she called me, he had kicked her out of their home for complaining about their finances. this was fairly common. this is where iata: i basically yelled at her too. i told her that she had a career which she can still go back to and i can help her move back to nyc (where she worked / studied before). and that the pregnancy wasn’t the end of it and there were other options. the next day she asked me for 5k which i sent to her without asking. i didn’t hear much after and didn’t intrude coz it was a total mindfuck. a month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in nyc and filed for divorce. the pregnancy is also no longer on the table. now my family has been blowing up my social media calling me all sorts of shit. i’ve in general called them shit back as well and the home might be on the market soon. my sister needed to switch apartments and got a restraining order against her ex and well… things aren’t great, but i’m happy my sister is better. so aita? [/INST] nta. two words: abusive husband. you did her a favor. </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay for thousands for something my child broke?
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i live in a pretty small town, so if you don't know somebody directly, you're likely to know a person who knows them, and this is pretty much biting me in the ass right now.
my husband and i are looking to upgrade homes given we're planning on expanding our family, so we've been looking at a few open houses recently. about a week ago we were at an open house when our daughter (4) wandered off and picked up this mask type thing laying out on a table. super bright, very loud, apparently very fragile and pretty much right out in the open. when i saw her touching it i told her to put it down but it was too late and somehow it had gotten cracked down the middle. now, i'm not sure if it was already broken and they had left it out as some sort of trap (because who leaves something bright like that lying around during an open house, with children walking around?), or if she did anything, but i felt extremely embarrassed and grabbed my daughter and told my husband it was time to leave.
a so called friend of mine who knows the house owner saw me there and apparently told her she saw me rushing out of her house on the same day she returned to find the mask broken. now she's hitting me up on the phone demanding i pay her back for breaking "art" and naming an absolutely ludicrous price (think four figures). i'm absolutely not going to pay her that, but a few people i know think i'm in the wrong here. i personally think if you're having an open house that children will be visiting you don't leave expensive breakables out in the open. i also do not believe for a second that thing was worth thousands of dollars, and if it was, i think there's a very good chance she broke it herself then left it lying around to pin it on someone else and guilt some money out of them. whose the asshole here?
| 20,119 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d4is2o/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_thousands_for/
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2019-09-15 10:27:03
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yta. you were in someone's home and it was on you to watch your kid. otherwise, whatever she breaks is your responsibility. get a toddler harness or something.
also, why did you just leave without even trying to apologize?
it's also very unlikely that a woman trying to sell her house left out something that was broken, hoped a kid would handle it and then she could hit people with the bill. it's way more likely she was displaying something nice because it made the house look posh, the way people put fresh flowers in a house they're trying to sell, and your kid broke it.
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yta and you sort of know it: if you didn't think you'd done anything wrong, you wouldn't have felt the need to immediately flee the scene.
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**yta**. you brought your child into someone else’s home and allowed them to break something. then you ran away. you made no attempt to own up to or apologize, though you knew you were in the wrong. that alone makes you an asshole.
whether you consider something art or not does not decided it’s value. your child broke an object. you pay for the object.
trying to blame the victim for the damage you’ve done by claiming it’s a trap is doubling down on being an asshole. professional stagers (consultants who advise on how to make the house for sale look more appealing) would recommend a single striking piece on a wall or coffee table. visual appeal without looking cluttered.
you should pay for the damage your family has done.
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yta
>we were at an open house when our daughter (4) wandered off and picked up this mask type thing laying out on a table.
watch your damn kid! you shouldn't let a 4 year old 'wander off'
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yta
don't let your child walk around someone else's house unsupervised. if they can't be trusted not to grab items then either don't take them to an open house or keep them by your side.
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yta so hard on this one , sister. i have a feeling you know very very well your daughter broke some very expensive piece of art and you're acting entitled just to get out of it. the home owner is still the home owner and can leave his/her expensive art pieces to attract possible clients wherever she/he pleases. you literally stepped on someone's property, your kid brokes smth and now you're bitching about them being responsible. you sound very very entitled. don't bring your kid on someone else"s property if you can't be responsible enough to watch her and make sure she doesn't break things.
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*“i personally think if you're having an open house that children will be visiting you don't leave expensive breakables out in the open.“*
yta. this isn’t toddler hour at the public library, it’s a god damn open house for *adults interested in buying a house*. no one is staging their home with the anticipation of unsupervised minors wandering about touching all of their shit. i say this as someone selling a home, someone going to open houses to find a new home, and as someone who is a parent.
i get that childcare isn’t always an option and sometimes you have to bring your kid to events that aren’t catered towards children, that’s fine. but it’s your responsibility to keep an eye on your kid, especially a 4 year old.
and then when she breaks something, you try to sneak off and hope no one notices? might want to reconsider your parenting trajectory because the example you’re setting sucks.
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if you break something by mistake, would you not pay for it? well, you're responsible for your kid. when she breaks something, you're responsible for paying for it. yta
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yta for multiple reasons here.
1. you allowed your young child to roam free in an open house setting. not criminal but it's advisable to have a degree of control over the kid.
2. you knew your kid potentially broke something and you rushed away without telling anyone.
3. you are essentially accusing the owner of dishonesty and setting some kind of trap even though you knew you were in the wrong because otherwise you wouldn't have left.
4. you are blaming the owners for leaving the art "out" taking away responsibility from yourself to be in control of your child in someone else's property.
5. you seem to think because you don't value the art it cannot be expensive. or simply because it is expensive you should not have to pay.
your kid, your mistake, your responsibility.
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yta
"omg why aren't all of these people baby-proofing their houses so i don't have to keep an eye on my kid? don't they know my kids will just wander wherever without supervision and break whatever colorful objects they find?"
r/entitledparents
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i live in a pretty small town, so if you don't know somebody directly, you're likely to know a person who knows them, and this is pretty much biting me in the ass right now. my husband and i are looking to upgrade homes given we're planning on expanding our family, so we've been looking at a few open houses recently. about a week ago we were at an open house when our daughter (4) wandered off and picked up this mask type thing laying out on a table. super bright, very loud, apparently very fragile and pretty much right out in the open. when i saw her touching it i told her to put it down but it was too late and somehow it had gotten cracked down the middle. now, i'm not sure if it was already broken and they had left it out as some sort of trap (because who leaves something bright like that lying around during an open house, with children walking around?), or if she did anything, but i felt extremely embarrassed and grabbed my daughter and told my husband it was time to leave. a so called friend of mine who knows the house owner saw me there and apparently told her she saw me rushing out of her house on the same day she returned to find the mask broken. now she's hitting me up on the phone demanding i pay her back for breaking "art" and naming an absolutely ludicrous price (think four figures). i'm absolutely not going to pay her that, but a few people i know think i'm in the wrong here. i personally think if you're having an open house that children will be visiting you don't leave expensive breakables out in the open. i also do not believe for a second that thing was worth thousands of dollars, and if it was, i think there's a very good chance she broke it herself then left it lying around to pin it on someone else and guilt some money out of them. whose the asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i live in a pretty small town, so if you don't know somebody directly, you're likely to know a person who knows them, and this is pretty much biting me in the ass right now. my husband and i are looking to upgrade homes given we're planning on expanding our family, so we've been looking at a few open houses recently. about a week ago we were at an open house when our daughter (4) wandered off and picked up this mask type thing laying out on a table. super bright, very loud, apparently very fragile and pretty much right out in the open. when i saw her touching it i told her to put it down but it was too late and somehow it had gotten cracked down the middle. now, i'm not sure if it was already broken and they had left it out as some sort of trap (because who leaves something bright like that lying around during an open house, with children walking around?), or if she did anything, but i felt extremely embarrassed and grabbed my daughter and told my husband it was time to leave. a so called friend of mine who knows the house owner saw me there and apparently told her she saw me rushing out of her house on the same day she returned to find the mask broken. now she's hitting me up on the phone demanding i pay her back for breaking "art" and naming an absolutely ludicrous price (think four figures). i'm absolutely not going to pay her that, but a few people i know think i'm in the wrong here. i personally think if you're having an open house that children will be visiting you don't leave expensive breakables out in the open. i also do not believe for a second that thing was worth thousands of dollars, and if it was, i think there's a very good chance she broke it herself then left it lying around to pin it on someone else and guilt some money out of them. whose the asshole here? [/INST] yta. you were in someone's home and it was on you to watch your kid. otherwise, whatever she breaks is your responsibility. get a toddler harness or something. also, why did you just leave without even trying to apologize? it's also very unlikely that a woman trying to sell her house left out something that was broken, hoped a kid would handle it and then she could hit people with the bill. it's way more likely she was displaying something nice because it made the house look posh, the way people put fresh flowers in a house they're trying to sell, and your kid broke it. </s>
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AITA for not reminding my husband about holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc?
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my mil's birthday was about two months ago. they live on the other side of the country, so it would typically mean a phonecall and maybe a birthday card. well, i guess my husband forgot about it and didn't call her or send her a card.
i found this out because she called and was disappointed that she didn't hear anything from us. i told her that my husband probably should have put her birthday in his calendar and set a reminder, and that he never does.
she asked me why i didn't keep track of this stuff for him, because "he's a guy, they don't care about that stuff." she mentioned he'd skipped his sister's birthday and niece's and nephew's birthdays too, and that i should start trying to remind him. and then she said "and don't forget mother's day, either."
i said that she would have to talk to him about this, and it didn't sit well with her. she got annoyed and told me that like it or not, it's kind of "my job" to keep track of this stuff, because again, guys don't care. i said "well, if he doesn't care, he doesn't care. i'm not his mom."
she ended up talking to him about it, and he got pretty annoyed with me for not reminding him about this stuff and that he just doesn't remember this kind of stuff. he said that we're a team and that he's obviously not good at this, so i should step up.
i asked him what the release date for a video game he'd been talking about was. he said the exact date. i just looked at him for a minute, and he got pretty defensive and said "that's totally different."
then i said we would make a calendar together that we both had on our phones so we would get reminders for important dates. he agreed. so i started the calendar, entered in my dates, and it has been sitting there, unused for the past two months. what happened? he missed another birthday, and the whole thing started again.
but now it's become this big war between his family and me for me not "keeping up" on birthdays because it's supposed to be my job. he got really mad at me for not filling in the calendar for him because i should know all the dates anyway. i don't. aita?
**
| 18,098 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fyjnqs/aita_for_not_reminding_my_husband_about_holidays/
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2020-04-10 16:57:30
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nta.
apparently she thinks marriage is basically just hiring a secretary.
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of course it's your fault op, you know men just can handle numbers like dates, it's not how their brain works /s.
i hate this stuff, the mental work load that is automatically assigned to women. you're his wife, not his secretary. also nice move with the video game date. a wonderful come back would have been "oh you're right, it is different, you actually care about the game".
the joint calendar was a good compromise, it's on him if he can't manage his end of it. nta.
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nta. send him back to his mother so she can finish raising him.
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nta. he’s a big boy, it takes 5 seconds to put a yearly alert on his phone to be reminded of events or some way to remind himself. i’m sure he’s capable of that much.
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nta.
he’s an adult. take it from someone who does all the things for their spouse, this is not the dynamic you want to establish.
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nta and i hate that women are expected to do this emotional labor for their husbands and their in laws. my husband is “bad” at this too, and though he has always stated he doesn’t “expect” me to remind him of birthdays, get cards, buy gifts, etc, he and i have gotten into arguments because i always buy my family presents and he’ll say “well we didn’t get my parents birthday presents this year so why did you get some for yours?” it lead to me making an effort to remember birthdays on his side of the family and trying to get them gifts. i’d ask for his input and he would just say “i have no idea” and would end up with me buying them gifts that they probably don’t like because i don’t know them as well.
this last christmas i was so stressed about buying his family gifts and so scared that they wouldn’t like them that i sat him down and told him that either he needs to be in charge of sending cards and buying gifts for his family or they won’t be getting anything. he understood and apologized when he realized the stress he added to me.
but i digress. it’s common for men and their families to put this on women/girlfriends/wives and it’s seriously ridiculous. i don’t have any advice for you but you’re not wrong in this scenario, not in the slightest. (pardon my rant.)
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nta that is called emotional labour and this shit where it is expected from women to do their own and their husband's part needs to stop. please keep being strong, you are not his mother, he is a grown man, it is not your job to remember his family's birthdays, don't let them fool you into it.
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nta his family, his problem. if it's important to him than he'll make time and find a way. unless his mother is going to start sending you child support theres no way you should take on the responsibility of turning her child into a holiday attentive adult to please her.
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nta. your mil is the ah and so is your husband. he can’t even remember his own mothers birthday? a birthday he’s known his entire life? i could see not remembering someone’s birthday you’ve only known a few years but my god, it’s not that he can’t remember it it’s that he either doesn’t care enough to remember it or he’s just an idiot
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added because i couldn't find my other comment
if your mil brings it up that it's the "wife's job" to see to these things, bring it up that it's the mother's job to teach her kids the importance of others and their feelings.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mil's birthday was about two months ago. they live on the other side of the country, so it would typically mean a phonecall and maybe a birthday card. well, i guess my husband forgot about it and didn't call her or send her a card. i found this out because she called and was disappointed that she didn't hear anything from us. i told her that my husband probably should have put her birthday in his calendar and set a reminder, and that he never does. she asked me why i didn't keep track of this stuff for him, because "he's a guy, they don't care about that stuff." she mentioned he'd skipped his sister's birthday and niece's and nephew's birthdays too, and that i should start trying to remind him. and then she said "and don't forget mother's day, either." i said that she would have to talk to him about this, and it didn't sit well with her. she got annoyed and told me that like it or not, it's kind of "my job" to keep track of this stuff, because again, guys don't care. i said "well, if he doesn't care, he doesn't care. i'm not his mom." she ended up talking to him about it, and he got pretty annoyed with me for not reminding him about this stuff and that he just doesn't remember this kind of stuff. he said that we're a team and that he's obviously not good at this, so i should step up. i asked him what the release date for a video game he'd been talking about was. he said the exact date. i just looked at him for a minute, and he got pretty defensive and said "that's totally different." then i said we would make a calendar together that we both had on our phones so we would get reminders for important dates. he agreed. so i started the calendar, entered in my dates, and it has been sitting there, unused for the past two months. what happened? he missed another birthday, and the whole thing started again. but now it's become this big war between his family and me for me not "keeping up" on birthdays because it's supposed to be my job. he got really mad at me for not filling in the calendar for him because i should know all the dates anyway. i don't. aita? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mil's birthday was about two months ago. they live on the other side of the country, so it would typically mean a phonecall and maybe a birthday card. well, i guess my husband forgot about it and didn't call her or send her a card. i found this out because she called and was disappointed that she didn't hear anything from us. i told her that my husband probably should have put her birthday in his calendar and set a reminder, and that he never does. she asked me why i didn't keep track of this stuff for him, because "he's a guy, they don't care about that stuff." she mentioned he'd skipped his sister's birthday and niece's and nephew's birthdays too, and that i should start trying to remind him. and then she said "and don't forget mother's day, either." i said that she would have to talk to him about this, and it didn't sit well with her. she got annoyed and told me that like it or not, it's kind of "my job" to keep track of this stuff, because again, guys don't care. i said "well, if he doesn't care, he doesn't care. i'm not his mom." she ended up talking to him about it, and he got pretty annoyed with me for not reminding him about this stuff and that he just doesn't remember this kind of stuff. he said that we're a team and that he's obviously not good at this, so i should step up. i asked him what the release date for a video game he'd been talking about was. he said the exact date. i just looked at him for a minute, and he got pretty defensive and said "that's totally different." then i said we would make a calendar together that we both had on our phones so we would get reminders for important dates. he agreed. so i started the calendar, entered in my dates, and it has been sitting there, unused for the past two months. what happened? he missed another birthday, and the whole thing started again. but now it's become this big war between his family and me for me not "keeping up" on birthdays because it's supposed to be my job. he got really mad at me for not filling in the calendar for him because i should know all the dates anyway. i don't. aita? ** [/INST] nta. apparently she thinks marriage is basically just hiring a secretary. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to tell my daughter that my husband isn’t her biological father?
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i had my daughter when i was 19, she’s now just turned 18. at the time, my boyfriend and i (now husband) were going through a rough patch and decided to go on a break. i was devastated and angry so decided to have sex with one of my good friends at the time, and three weeks later ended up finding out i was pregnant. my boyfriend and i hadn’t had sex in over three months, so i knew it wasn’t his, but we reconnected and when i told him he amazingly decided that he would raise our child as his own.
the biological father of my daughter is no longer in our lives, nor does he know that he has a daughter. he is half italian, so has very olive toned skin and distinctive facial features. my husband thankfully has naturally olive skin so when our daughter did too, it didn’t cause an issue.
the fact that he’s not her biological father has never been an issue and we rarely even think about it, he is her dad and he always will be. we decided not to tell her because i didn’t want her to have some kind of identity crisis, and because i know her biological father would want nothing to do with her and that would break her heart.
she’s 18 and an extremely curious girl, and one thing she’s been talking about doing a lot recently is an ancestry test to find out her genetic heritage and background. my husband and i have obviously been against her doing it, but she has her own money now and if she desperately wants to do it i know she will. my husbands parents have done these ancestry tests and they originate from russia, so my daughter would know instantly something was up if she did one and it came up italian.
my husband is insistent that we tell her before she finds out through a dna test by accident as he thinks it’ll cause more hurt if she finds out before we tell her. i refused saying there’s a chance she won’t end up doing the test and then we’ve told her for absolutely no reason. i never use the “you’re not her real dad” line but i did on this occasion and told him it was my decision. he doesn’t want our daughter to know anything is wrong between us so he’s still sleeping in our bed but he hasn’t said a word to me and is upset that i acted that way. aita?
| 5,569 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h87c28/aita_for_not_wanting_to_tell_my_daughter_that_my/
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2020-06-13 13:15:36
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yta. she’s a whole person. i get that your hubs not being her biological dad isn’t a big deal to you, but you’ve never given her the chance to figure that out for herself. she has a right to know, and a right to pursue a genetic understanding of herself for health reasons, and a right to know her own history. you’ve waited pretty long, and it’ll be rough. but a lot less rough than her finding out from someone who isn’t you.
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yta - that was an absolutely terrible thing to say to your husband. he 100% is her father and he has as much of a right to weigh in on this decision as you!
you’re also ta for your stance on not telling her. having her potential find out alone and feeling like she was some kind of dark secret could be so damaging to her. what if she has already found out from a dna test and hasn’t said anything because she thinks her father doesn’t know?
you’re also ta because you say her bio father would want nothing to do with her, but you never even told him he had a child! how could you possibly know this?
honestly all of your thought process sounds like you’re more concerned about your own mistakes and feelings rather than the people in your life.
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yta. your husband's right, it's time you told her.
>i never use the “you’re not her real dad” line but i did on this occasion
that was a jerk move considering the reason you don't want to tell her is because "the fact that he’s not her biological father has never been an issue and [you] rarely even think about it, he is her dad and he always will be." you owe him an apology.
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yta, the real dad stayed with you and her through thick and thin. you don't have the right to say that anymore when you accepted his help raising her now becoming his own.
you're disgusting for what you did tbh. he could have let you be a single mother and not sacrifice his life so early. if you told me after a break you got pregnant, my reaction would be "damn, that's crazy, what you finna do?"
anyway, you should have already told her as an adult, she probably would question why you didnt when she turned 18 or earlier. she might just be mad she had to find out from a test and not y'all that he's not her "real" dad.
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yta
how dare you? he is her real dad. he raised her. he absolutely gets a say. he's absolutely her real dad.
in fact, it should be him that tells her, so he can make it clear that while he didn't biologically create her, he was there through the pregnancy and supported her her entire life. it's the same thing as if a sperm donor was used (on his end). he needs to make it abundantly clear to her how he feels. and apologize for not telling her sooner.
you need to talk with her as well and apologize for not telling her and not telling her biological father. a great deal changes in 18 years. he might want to know her now.
you messed up. big time. and while i understand the fear that led to it, it doesn't excuse it. and nothing excuses what you said to your husband.
also, have you done a paternity test to know for sure? maybe do that first. you might have had your dates wrong.
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yta
first and foremost, there is a reason every expert says you should never hide information like this from a kid. she will find out eventually and she will feel disgusted and betrayed by you. this could, quite literally, completely destroy her relationship with both of you.
second, she needs to know for medical reasons. medical history matters and right now, she doesn’t know her real medical history.
third, what gave you the right to not tell her biological father he has a kid?!? he had as much right as you did to be a parent to her.
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[removed]
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yta - there are medical issues at play. as an adult, she **needs** to know.
what if her biological father had predispositions to a specific disease or condition, things she could have inherited? before she turned 18, you were legally empowered to make decisions for her, and you had that information, or at least the knowledge needed to find out if necessary. you cannot send her out on her own without knowing enough about her own body to make those decisions for herself.
you may be her biological mom, but her non-biological dad is actually looking out for his child’s interest, even when it is difficult, which is what a real parent does.
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yta. first, i’m having a hard time thinking of what could have been a shittier thing for you to say to your husband. he is her real father— you both decided that before she even got here. i’m seriously disgusted with you for saying such a terrible thing to him.
second, he’s right. she is going to do that test and she is going to be pissed at you both either way for withholding such important information about her origin story. this is not about you and whatever shame or embarrassment you’re carrying over her conception— making it about you is what got you into this mess to begin with. you need to tell her— go to some short term counseling to help you figure out the best way to do it. then make sure you get her counseling to process this information.
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yta. you should have told her long, long ago. nobody deserves to be lied to about who they are and where they came from. you need to own up now and apologize.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i had my daughter when i was 19, she’s now just turned 18. at the time, my boyfriend and i (now husband) were going through a rough patch and decided to go on a break. i was devastated and angry so decided to have sex with one of my good friends at the time, and three weeks later ended up finding out i was pregnant. my boyfriend and i hadn’t had sex in over three months, so i knew it wasn’t his, but we reconnected and when i told him he amazingly decided that he would raise our child as his own. the biological father of my daughter is no longer in our lives, nor does he know that he has a daughter. he is half italian, so has very olive toned skin and distinctive facial features. my husband thankfully has naturally olive skin so when our daughter did too, it didn’t cause an issue. the fact that he’s not her biological father has never been an issue and we rarely even think about it, he is her dad and he always will be. we decided not to tell her because i didn’t want her to have some kind of identity crisis, and because i know her biological father would want nothing to do with her and that would break her heart. she’s 18 and an extremely curious girl, and one thing she’s been talking about doing a lot recently is an ancestry test to find out her genetic heritage and background. my husband and i have obviously been against her doing it, but she has her own money now and if she desperately wants to do it i know she will. my husbands parents have done these ancestry tests and they originate from russia, so my daughter would know instantly something was up if she did one and it came up italian. my husband is insistent that we tell her before she finds out through a dna test by accident as he thinks it’ll cause more hurt if she finds out before we tell her. i refused saying there’s a chance she won’t end up doing the test and then we’ve told her for absolutely no reason. i never use the “you’re not her real dad” line but i did on this occasion and told him it was my decision. he doesn’t want our daughter to know anything is wrong between us so he’s still sleeping in our bed but he hasn’t said a word to me and is upset that i acted that way. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i had my daughter when i was 19, she’s now just turned 18. at the time, my boyfriend and i (now husband) were going through a rough patch and decided to go on a break. i was devastated and angry so decided to have sex with one of my good friends at the time, and three weeks later ended up finding out i was pregnant. my boyfriend and i hadn’t had sex in over three months, so i knew it wasn’t his, but we reconnected and when i told him he amazingly decided that he would raise our child as his own. the biological father of my daughter is no longer in our lives, nor does he know that he has a daughter. he is half italian, so has very olive toned skin and distinctive facial features. my husband thankfully has naturally olive skin so when our daughter did too, it didn’t cause an issue. the fact that he’s not her biological father has never been an issue and we rarely even think about it, he is her dad and he always will be. we decided not to tell her because i didn’t want her to have some kind of identity crisis, and because i know her biological father would want nothing to do with her and that would break her heart. she’s 18 and an extremely curious girl, and one thing she’s been talking about doing a lot recently is an ancestry test to find out her genetic heritage and background. my husband and i have obviously been against her doing it, but she has her own money now and if she desperately wants to do it i know she will. my husbands parents have done these ancestry tests and they originate from russia, so my daughter would know instantly something was up if she did one and it came up italian. my husband is insistent that we tell her before she finds out through a dna test by accident as he thinks it’ll cause more hurt if she finds out before we tell her. i refused saying there’s a chance she won’t end up doing the test and then we’ve told her for absolutely no reason. i never use the “you’re not her real dad” line but i did on this occasion and told him it was my decision. he doesn’t want our daughter to know anything is wrong between us so he’s still sleeping in our bed but he hasn’t said a word to me and is upset that i acted that way. aita? [/INST] yta. she’s a whole person. i get that your hubs not being her biological dad isn’t a big deal to you, but you’ve never given her the chance to figure that out for herself. she has a right to know, and a right to pursue a genetic understanding of herself for health reasons, and a right to know her own history. you’ve waited pretty long, and it’ll be rough. but a lot less rough than her finding out from someone who isn’t you. </s>
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AITA for not wanting to celebrate my mom on MY birthday?
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i have three siblings between the ages of 10 and 18. i'm the oldest fourth at 25. every year on every single one of our birthday, we're expected to celebrate my mom as well. we've done it since we were little. it was taught to me as 'giving thanks for carrying + giving birth to us'. which i'm all for, i am grateful as we wouldn't be here without her. the issue is though, it becomes less of our birthday and more-so an anniversary for the day our mom gave birth.
every year on our birthday our mom gets gifts too. as we got older, we're now expected to get her monetary gifts (and not cards, or homemade stuff). just recently was my birthday and i was gifted some much needed clothes and dishware for my new apartment. my dad however got my mom a new macbook. my siblings all got her gifts too. my youngest brother isn't expected to give much, but my 16 year old sister and 18 year old 2nd brother work so they're expected to give gifts too. my sister pulled me aside before my birthday and said she was sorry she couldn't get me much (she got me a sweater, i love it!) and that she wanted to get me more but our mom was pressuring her to get a certain necklace for our mom. apparently my mom had been dropping hints for month and my sister was worried our mom would be upset and feel underappreciated if she didn't get it.
i asked how much it was, and my sister said it was $300. i honestly lost it on our mom and chewed into her later that afternoon when my mom opened her gifts after me. i think she's ridiculous for even wanting my sister to spend so much on a gift! mom started crying and my dad kicked me out. mom won't answer calls but my aunt (mom's sister) called and said i was a pos for not respecting my mother and that i'm a selfish, narcissist child for being jealous of the gifts mom got.
i thought i was in the right, but now i don't know. it's been over two weeks and mom won't answer my calls. she's been posting on facebook inspiration quotes about letting go of the toxicity in your life, how blood doesn't equal family, and how hard it is to be a mother. several family members (aunt, grandma, uncle, and two of my cousins) are replying to the posts and are very obviously directing vague comments at me about being a horrible daughter... idk what to think now because of how many people are on her side :/
| 25,442 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/suo7nj/aita_for_not_wanting_to_celebrate_my_mom_on_my/
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2022-02-17 12:57:54
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nta.
it was her choice to carry 4 children and give birth to them.
your mother sounds self-centered ans selfish.
as far as toxicity in one's life and how blood doesn't equal family, i think you should apply that to your mother, not to you.
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nta however your mom though. holy crapbucket. how the hell can you feel entitled to a 300$ gift from your kid(at 18). and expecting 5 birthdays a year. your mom and your enabling family are messed up.
i would have cut them off asap. maybe leave an olive branch for your siblings if they wanna run at some point as well.
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nta so much! your birthday and your mum got a new macbook, a 300 necklace plus more? and she does this 4x a year plus christmas, her own birthday and mother’s day. also why is your dad ignored here? it’s shocking how awful she is guilting you all into spending loads on her so much each year
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nta and i've never in my life heard of such a ridiculous thing as gifts for the mother or father for a kids birthday. that is some narcissistic nonsense. shouldn't your father get them too? on mother's day and father's day are they expected to give you guys gifts since you are the reason they are parents? maybe you should stop trying to contact them and distance yourself for a while without any contact with your parents (siblings clearly need your level head). seriously, what a load of crap behavior.
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nta. giving your mom gifts on *your* birthday isn’t a normal thing.
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pretty rich of your aunt to call you the narcissist when your mother has been taking advantage of you four to milk for more gifts and money. this is just like the parents who say their kids owe them for “x y z bullshit”. nta, and this is the weirdest thing i’ve ever heard of.
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nta - this the first time i’ve ever heard of “gifts for the mother” on the person’s birthday. so your mom gets four rounds of gifts, plus her birthday, that is pretty demanding.
start having birthday celebrations without them going forward. like going out with a bunch of friends instead. the fact your parents have continued it for you up to age 25 means your mom doesn’t want give give up he extra present day.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have three siblings between the ages of 10 and 18. i'm the oldest fourth at 25. every year on every single one of our birthday, we're expected to celebrate my mom as well. we've done it since we were little. it was taught to me as 'giving thanks for carrying + giving birth to us'. which i'm all for, i am grateful as we wouldn't be here without her. the issue is though, it becomes less of our birthday and more-so an anniversary for the day our mom gave birth. every year on our birthday our mom gets gifts too. as we got older, we're now expected to get her monetary gifts (and not cards, or homemade stuff). just recently was my birthday and i was gifted some much needed clothes and dishware for my new apartment. my dad however got my mom a new macbook. my siblings all got her gifts too. my youngest brother isn't expected to give much, but my 16 year old sister and 18 year old 2nd brother work so they're expected to give gifts too. my sister pulled me aside before my birthday and said she was sorry she couldn't get me much (she got me a sweater, i love it!) and that she wanted to get me more but our mom was pressuring her to get a certain necklace for our mom. apparently my mom had been dropping hints for month and my sister was worried our mom would be upset and feel underappreciated if she didn't get it. i asked how much it was, and my sister said it was $300. i honestly lost it on our mom and chewed into her later that afternoon when my mom opened her gifts after me. i think she's ridiculous for even wanting my sister to spend so much on a gift! mom started crying and my dad kicked me out. mom won't answer calls but my aunt (mom's sister) called and said i was a pos for not respecting my mother and that i'm a selfish, narcissist child for being jealous of the gifts mom got. i thought i was in the right, but now i don't know. it's been over two weeks and mom won't answer my calls. she's been posting on facebook inspiration quotes about letting go of the toxicity in your life, how blood doesn't equal family, and how hard it is to be a mother. several family members (aunt, grandma, uncle, and two of my cousins) are replying to the posts and are very obviously directing vague comments at me about being a horrible daughter... idk what to think now because of how many people are on her side :/
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have three siblings between the ages of 10 and 18. i'm the oldest fourth at 25. every year on every single one of our birthday, we're expected to celebrate my mom as well. we've done it since we were little. it was taught to me as 'giving thanks for carrying + giving birth to us'. which i'm all for, i am grateful as we wouldn't be here without her. the issue is though, it becomes less of our birthday and more-so an anniversary for the day our mom gave birth. every year on our birthday our mom gets gifts too. as we got older, we're now expected to get her monetary gifts (and not cards, or homemade stuff). just recently was my birthday and i was gifted some much needed clothes and dishware for my new apartment. my dad however got my mom a new macbook. my siblings all got her gifts too. my youngest brother isn't expected to give much, but my 16 year old sister and 18 year old 2nd brother work so they're expected to give gifts too. my sister pulled me aside before my birthday and said she was sorry she couldn't get me much (she got me a sweater, i love it!) and that she wanted to get me more but our mom was pressuring her to get a certain necklace for our mom. apparently my mom had been dropping hints for month and my sister was worried our mom would be upset and feel underappreciated if she didn't get it. i asked how much it was, and my sister said it was $300. i honestly lost it on our mom and chewed into her later that afternoon when my mom opened her gifts after me. i think she's ridiculous for even wanting my sister to spend so much on a gift! mom started crying and my dad kicked me out. mom won't answer calls but my aunt (mom's sister) called and said i was a pos for not respecting my mother and that i'm a selfish, narcissist child for being jealous of the gifts mom got. i thought i was in the right, but now i don't know. it's been over two weeks and mom won't answer my calls. she's been posting on facebook inspiration quotes about letting go of the toxicity in your life, how blood doesn't equal family, and how hard it is to be a mother. several family members (aunt, grandma, uncle, and two of my cousins) are replying to the posts and are very obviously directing vague comments at me about being a horrible daughter... idk what to think now because of how many people are on her side :/ [/INST] nta. it was her choice to carry 4 children and give birth to them. your mother sounds self-centered ans selfish. as far as toxicity in one's life and how blood doesn't equal family, i think you should apply that to your mother, not to you. </s>
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AITA For building a Fence and blocking my neighbours from the road, forcing them to take a massive detour?
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so i am the owner of a large house with a huge property surounding it. when i bought my property 5 years ago i basically lived at least 5 minutes away from the nearest house, however the villages and towns have been expanding and as a result started developing houses next to my property.
i was fine with it, nothing i could do about it to begin with, but my property is big enough not to really notice to begin with, or so i assumed.
it's good to mention i basically pulled out a bunch of trees when i moved here and made a dirt road with gravel of sorts to allow me easy access to the main road nearby instead of driving all the way around to access the main road.
well soon after people started moving in to the houses i noticed people basically used my little road to access the main road nearby and kids used my field to play football, i was pretty much okay with it because it wasn't bothering me or inconveniencing me.
untill a few months later that was, basically whenever people had a party or a gathering i noticed my road and the field which they drove over was full of cars and a few weeks later some people started straight up using it as a parking area. i had multiple talks with multiple people and the results ranged from apologetic people moving their cars to aggressive people who told me to go f myself.
i finally had enough and started getting cars towed which led to people yelling at my girlfriend in particular, as such i build a large stone fence around my entire property.
well multiple neighbors including the aggressive ones were all apologetic and asked me to remove the fence and how sorry they were for using it as they basically had to add 15 to 20 minutes to their travel time to work without my shortcut, i told them to go f themselves and to get the f of my property and if i saw them there again i'd be letting my dogs loose.
however this is also impacting the nice neighbors so i am conflicted.
| 24,986 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ics68m/aita_for_building_a_fence_and_blocking_my/
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2020-08-19 17:29:28
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nta. your property, your rules.
also, if you didn't do this, you could potentially have ended up giving them a right-of-way easement without realizing it depending on your local laws.
don't budge. leave the fence. maybe they'll think in the future about asking permission in the future instead of forgiveness.
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nta and as for the nice neighbors that's life, people take advantage of good things and ruin it for the rest of us.
part and parcel of turning small rural communities from a place everyone knows everybody and is accountable to their actions, into exactly what you're seeing with people telling you to fuck off because you don't want your land turning into a shit hole.
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nta
it’s your private property. you were doing your nice neighbors a favor by letting them use your shortcut, you don’t owe them the use of it. i get why you feel about it, since you seem like a generous person for putting up with so much for so long.
but i think what you did is completely reasonable since you were having so many issues with people trespassing and then getting aggressive when you told them to leave.
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[deleted]
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nta. it’s your property and you have every right to do what you want to it.
you were not the problem, it’s the entitled assholes who were taking advantage of your good nature.
i would let everyone know the reason who the culprits were in locking down access.
if you feel really bad you could install a gate with a combo lock and give it to the nice neighbors, but honestly i would not do jack shit now.
play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
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nta - as someone who owns acreage myself , these are not nice neighbors and never have been. they have disrespected your property since day one.
that is not their road and they didn’t pay for it.
they did not purchase the field from you to use as they please and they don’t pay to maintain that field.
you absolutely did the right thing by building the fence. do not remove it.
the next time a neighbor complains , tell them they can build their own road on their own land and buy more acreage to park on. if you haven’t already ,build a fence bordering your properties , get a document from your county appraisal district with property lines clearly shown for your neighbor and put it in their mailbox.
if issues continue- call your local sherif on them for trespassing.
they sound like city folk trying to be country. it’s incredibly expensive and time consuming to maintain acreage and they apparently are unaware of that. i’m from texas and you never trespass on someone else’s land. none of this would have happened a second time had it been our property.
stand up for your right as a landowner and don’t let them walk all over you- literally.
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this isn't real.
i can't grasp how this works physically.
how does your driveway, that goes from your house to a main road result in a shortcut for neighbors when you're on a property so spacious that you don't even notice encroaching development?
there's no physically reasonable way that this is true.
the stone fence is kind of the illogical icing on the cake. you have a *huge* property, and you put up a masonry fence?! not fuckin likely.
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i’m going to say you’re a troll that didn’t agree with the earlier post about someone using the footpaths on someone else’s property and have changed just enough details to get the answer you want. must be sad life you lead.
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i think reddit requires a ms paint sketch of the properties and the road draw on it so we can all see what is happening
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nta. that’s private property people have begun treating like public property, it won’t be long before they are completely trashing shit. i say good on you for nipping it in the bud!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i am the owner of a large house with a huge property surounding it. when i bought my property 5 years ago i basically lived at least 5 minutes away from the nearest house, however the villages and towns have been expanding and as a result started developing houses next to my property. i was fine with it, nothing i could do about it to begin with, but my property is big enough not to really notice to begin with, or so i assumed. it's good to mention i basically pulled out a bunch of trees when i moved here and made a dirt road with gravel of sorts to allow me easy access to the main road nearby instead of driving all the way around to access the main road. well soon after people started moving in to the houses i noticed people basically used my little road to access the main road nearby and kids used my field to play football, i was pretty much okay with it because it wasn't bothering me or inconveniencing me. untill a few months later that was, basically whenever people had a party or a gathering i noticed my road and the field which they drove over was full of cars and a few weeks later some people started straight up using it as a parking area. i had multiple talks with multiple people and the results ranged from apologetic people moving their cars to aggressive people who told me to go f myself. i finally had enough and started getting cars towed which led to people yelling at my girlfriend in particular, as such i build a large stone fence around my entire property. well multiple neighbors including the aggressive ones were all apologetic and asked me to remove the fence and how sorry they were for using it as they basically had to add 15 to 20 minutes to their travel time to work without my shortcut, i told them to go f themselves and to get the f of my property and if i saw them there again i'd be letting my dogs loose. however this is also impacting the nice neighbors so i am conflicted.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i am the owner of a large house with a huge property surounding it. when i bought my property 5 years ago i basically lived at least 5 minutes away from the nearest house, however the villages and towns have been expanding and as a result started developing houses next to my property. i was fine with it, nothing i could do about it to begin with, but my property is big enough not to really notice to begin with, or so i assumed. it's good to mention i basically pulled out a bunch of trees when i moved here and made a dirt road with gravel of sorts to allow me easy access to the main road nearby instead of driving all the way around to access the main road. well soon after people started moving in to the houses i noticed people basically used my little road to access the main road nearby and kids used my field to play football, i was pretty much okay with it because it wasn't bothering me or inconveniencing me. untill a few months later that was, basically whenever people had a party or a gathering i noticed my road and the field which they drove over was full of cars and a few weeks later some people started straight up using it as a parking area. i had multiple talks with multiple people and the results ranged from apologetic people moving their cars to aggressive people who told me to go f myself. i finally had enough and started getting cars towed which led to people yelling at my girlfriend in particular, as such i build a large stone fence around my entire property. well multiple neighbors including the aggressive ones were all apologetic and asked me to remove the fence and how sorry they were for using it as they basically had to add 15 to 20 minutes to their travel time to work without my shortcut, i told them to go f themselves and to get the f of my property and if i saw them there again i'd be letting my dogs loose. however this is also impacting the nice neighbors so i am conflicted. [/INST] nta. your property, your rules. also, if you didn't do this, you could potentially have ended up giving them a right-of-way easement without realizing it depending on your local laws. don't budge. leave the fence. maybe they'll think in the future about asking permission in the future instead of forgiveness. </s>
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AITA for refusing to look after my brother's children?
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so me and my boyfriend live together in a fairly large rented house, despite the fact that neither of us want children. the house has 4 decently sized bedrooms, one of which is our bedroom, while one is a an office. the other two are empty. despite the fact that that we don't have kids, we are avid pet lovers, and we own a 3 year old rottweiler, a one year old bulldog, as well as a 7 year old cat.
yesterday, my brother asked me to watch his children, since he had to go to the hospital due to his wife breaking her leg. i was the only one available at the time, so my brother dropped his children (a 9 year old boy and a 7 year old girl) off at our house. unfortunately, this arrangement wasn't suitable for us, since we'd made plans to drop our dogs off at a doggy spa while we went to the mall. i called my friend, who agreed to look after the kids (i compensated her monetarily, even though she told me there was no need to). my brother has never met this friend, but i'd never leave any child in a dangerous position. while we were at the mall, my brother calls me to ask me where we are. i told him that his kids were at my friends house. he was furious with me, and hung up on the phone soon after. around 30 minutes later, my friend calls to say that my brother has picked the kids up, and that he was irate, to say the least. my brother has tried to call me since, but i haven't picked up the phone, since i know he likely only wants to have an argument with me.
today, my dad called me to ask me why i'd chosen my "dumb dogs" over my nephew and niece, which irritated me. i told my dad that while i feel sorry for his wife, it isn't my responsibility to drop everything and look after children that aren't even mine. i also told him that if he's going to insult my family, then he shouldn't expect to walk me down the isle. i know my choice of words could have been kinder, however, i don't think it's fair to impose the responsibility of looking after kids on me, when i've made the decision to not have any.
aita?
| 4,780 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pnj3ph/aita_for_refusing_to_look_after_my_brothers/
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2021-09-13 16:37:52
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yta. sorry your sister in law didn’t plan her leg break around your schedule?
i don’t like kids, i don’t like watching kids. but if i was the only person available to watch them because of a medical emergency, you bet your bippity i would. and pawning your brothers kids off to someone he’s never met before? big nope.
i’d get your reaction if he and his wife wanted a spur of the moment date night, but you’ve basically told your whole family that you care more for the mall than you do for them during their time of need. nice.
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yta - seriously? family helps out when there is an emergency and you chose to "go to the mall" and leave his kids with someone he doesn't know. **the asshole is strong with you.**
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what does the size of your house have to do with watching your niece and nephew for a couple of hours, it's not like he asked you to take them in forever. it was a medical emergency. i thought they were babies but they are 9 and 7 you can actually take them with you to the mall without any inconvenience to you, just let them walk or run in front of you. 9&7 year olds are independent kids and you don't have to be a helicoper aunt while they are with you. your selfish and entitled. yta.
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yta
so as a parent i 100% agree with your brothers emotions. if you couldn't take his children you should have said so upfront. leaving kids with someone who is a stranger to the parents with out permission is real messed up, also why could you not bring the kids with you to the mall? or ya know just not go to the mall?
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yta.
it isn't like he asked you to babysit while he and his wife went on a date night. she was in the ***hospital***. he thought he could rely on you in an emergency and you responded by giving his children to a total stranger (to him) and going to the mall.
you've proven that you won't support your family in a crisis. i'm not surprised he was furious. you were a huge asshole.
i don't have children or nieces or nephews, but heck if one of my neighbours showed up and asked me to babysit for a few hours while they went to the hospital, i'd rearrange my doggy spa.
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yta seriously, even taking the whole "it's family" out of this equation, if someone genuinely needs help, how fucking hard is it to choose to watch mostly self sufficient children over going to the mall?do you get that now no one, and i mean no one will ever help you out in an emergency. like not just family, but most people who hear about this.
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jesus, yta - your doggy spa day and shopping at the mall are more valuable to you than helping your brother during an emergency. you sound like a terribly selfish, self-obsessed person.
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info: when your brother asked you to watch his kids, what was your response? did he drop them off unannounced without permission or did you agree to it?
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yta.
not going to the mall is not dropping everything.
i don’t have kids either, but i would drop everything to watch my nephew if my bil had to go to the hospital… that’s what family does. they aren’t even little kids, you could have brought them to the mall with you.
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[removed]
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so me and my boyfriend live together in a fairly large rented house, despite the fact that neither of us want children. the house has 4 decently sized bedrooms, one of which is our bedroom, while one is a an office. the other two are empty. despite the fact that that we don't have kids, we are avid pet lovers, and we own a 3 year old rottweiler, a one year old bulldog, as well as a 7 year old cat. yesterday, my brother asked me to watch his children, since he had to go to the hospital due to his wife breaking her leg. i was the only one available at the time, so my brother dropped his children (a 9 year old boy and a 7 year old girl) off at our house. unfortunately, this arrangement wasn't suitable for us, since we'd made plans to drop our dogs off at a doggy spa while we went to the mall. i called my friend, who agreed to look after the kids (i compensated her monetarily, even though she told me there was no need to). my brother has never met this friend, but i'd never leave any child in a dangerous position. while we were at the mall, my brother calls me to ask me where we are. i told him that his kids were at my friends house. he was furious with me, and hung up on the phone soon after. around 30 minutes later, my friend calls to say that my brother has picked the kids up, and that he was irate, to say the least. my brother has tried to call me since, but i haven't picked up the phone, since i know he likely only wants to have an argument with me. today, my dad called me to ask me why i'd chosen my "dumb dogs" over my nephew and niece, which irritated me. i told my dad that while i feel sorry for his wife, it isn't my responsibility to drop everything and look after children that aren't even mine. i also told him that if he's going to insult my family, then he shouldn't expect to walk me down the isle. i know my choice of words could have been kinder, however, i don't think it's fair to impose the responsibility of looking after kids on me, when i've made the decision to not have any. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so me and my boyfriend live together in a fairly large rented house, despite the fact that neither of us want children. the house has 4 decently sized bedrooms, one of which is our bedroom, while one is a an office. the other two are empty. despite the fact that that we don't have kids, we are avid pet lovers, and we own a 3 year old rottweiler, a one year old bulldog, as well as a 7 year old cat. yesterday, my brother asked me to watch his children, since he had to go to the hospital due to his wife breaking her leg. i was the only one available at the time, so my brother dropped his children (a 9 year old boy and a 7 year old girl) off at our house. unfortunately, this arrangement wasn't suitable for us, since we'd made plans to drop our dogs off at a doggy spa while we went to the mall. i called my friend, who agreed to look after the kids (i compensated her monetarily, even though she told me there was no need to). my brother has never met this friend, but i'd never leave any child in a dangerous position. while we were at the mall, my brother calls me to ask me where we are. i told him that his kids were at my friends house. he was furious with me, and hung up on the phone soon after. around 30 minutes later, my friend calls to say that my brother has picked the kids up, and that he was irate, to say the least. my brother has tried to call me since, but i haven't picked up the phone, since i know he likely only wants to have an argument with me. today, my dad called me to ask me why i'd chosen my "dumb dogs" over my nephew and niece, which irritated me. i told my dad that while i feel sorry for his wife, it isn't my responsibility to drop everything and look after children that aren't even mine. i also told him that if he's going to insult my family, then he shouldn't expect to walk me down the isle. i know my choice of words could have been kinder, however, i don't think it's fair to impose the responsibility of looking after kids on me, when i've made the decision to not have any. aita? [/INST] yta. sorry your sister in law didn’t plan her leg break around your schedule? i don’t like kids, i don’t like watching kids. but if i was the only person available to watch them because of a medical emergency, you bet your bippity i would. and pawning your brothers kids off to someone he’s never met before? big nope. i’d get your reaction if he and his wife wanted a spur of the moment date night, but you’ve basically told your whole family that you care more for the mall than you do for them during their time of need. nice. </s>
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AITA for hoping my girlfriend would keep up the same work ethic 4 years after we met?
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we've been together for 4 years - when we met she worked many, many hours and earned more than i did. it was one of the reasons i liked her - she was very driven and motivated and she inspired me.
as time has gone on, she's been reducing her hours down and over the past year, she's had poor mental health due to family issues, and has worked less than half as much as she used to. she does manual work and had a stress-induced injury which flares up when she's stressed.
she came through that bad time, but she's completely lost her drive and is focussing more on 'better mental health' whilst only working part-time. i've never know anyone do this, none of my friends are doing it and she's completely lost her work ethic. it makes me worry if she were to be the mother to my children as she's completely lost all drive because of her problems. i'm worried she will do this if we were to have children together, and in life things do happen and you have to keep soldiering on.
i recently brought this up with her and she was furious, and said she's paying for half of everything and i'm not financially affected by her decision therefore i should encourage her to do what makes her happy. we had a big disagreement and i still feel resentful and disappointed that she's lost her drive and motivation. so reddit, aita?
| 4,028 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xwa51z/aita_for_hoping_my_girlfriend_would_keep_up_the/
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2022-10-05 13:04:33
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yta. she's trying to take care of herself and you're being selfish.
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yta.
read again what you just wrote.
she was drained, in a bad mental state and she even has psysical pain from what she does.
after a lot of time giving herself to work she decided to focus on her own happiness, and this did not even took a toll on your finances, and you’re complaining?
you'd rather have her working more but miserable, than trying to be happier and healthier?
do you realize that mental illness is a thing and even for your relationship (and the imaginary kids you’re worried about) to keep stable and ongoing, taking care of her mind is as important as any work ethics?!
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yta and don't worry..you will most likely be single soon and you won't have to worry about her...the fact you're still ok financially and it has no effect on you..makes your callousness toward your gf even worse. do you even like her or were you looking for a free ride and it didn't work out for you?
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yta. it doesn't seem like she's "lost her drive", it seems like she's found a necessary balance between her work and her health. even though she's struggling with health issues, she's managing those issues while still working part time, so clearly she is "soldiering on" after all.
i'm curious what exactly you bring to the table. this post comes off like you care more about what she can do vs who she is as a person, and that's not good look. as you say, "in life things do happen" - if something happened that made her completely unable to work, would you just walk out on the whole relationship? do you love her, or do you just love the $$ she brings in when she works long hours?
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yta.
> she does manual work and had a stress-induced injury which flares up when she's stressed.
so she is literally *not capable* of doing the job at the same level any more without *hurting* herself, and your reaction is “well, no one *else* in my life is going through anything like this, so suck it up and be more like them”? if i were her, i’d be worried that if we had kids together, that would be entirely my responsibility as well, because you apparently don’t see it as your job to be supportive and help out when your partner is struggling. not that it’ll hopefully come to that, because if this is genuinely how you feel, you should really just do her a favor and walk away.
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yta and i almost feel we should make a special "you aren't the anus you're the whole entire sphincter" tier of backdoor butt booty status because:
>she came through that bad time, but she's completely lost her drive and is focussing more on 'better mental health' whilst only working part-time.
so your partner came over a massive obstacle and you resent her for giving herself a break. what a wonderfully supportive partner you sound like! furthermore, do ***you*** work this much?
>i've never know anyone do this, none of my friends are doing it and she's completely lost her work ethic.
why in the sweet hell are you judging this person based on your friends?
>i recently brought this up with her and she was furious, and said she's paying for half of everything and i'm not financially affected by her decision therefore i should encourage her to do what makes her happy.
this was your nail in the coffin, you were hugely out of line. it's not like she was doing anything other than rewarding herself with more "me" time and that "me" time will likely not include you in the future if you continue to encourage her to be miserable. god damn, dude. learn what "empathy" is.
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yta. you should end it. you are clearly more worried about the optics and what your friends are doing than her wellness. she shouldn't be with someone who values work ethic (whatever that is) over taking care of herself.
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"i'd rather my gf works herself to death and ruins her mental health, than to see her take a justified break, even if she's earning more money than me? aita?"
fixed your title for you. yta.
>it makes me worry if she were to be the mother to my children as she's completely lost all drive because of her problems.
1. to have kids, there are two parents that are equal in parenting. they are not your kids or her kids, they are your and your partner's kids.
2. don't worry about kids, i wouldn't be surprised if she dumps you. especially given the fact that you basically said you don't give a shit about her health, as long as she is your cash cow.
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yta completely
your entire post was whining about your gfs self care to herself. your worried she won’t just magically cope if she gets in a stressful situation again, all your concerned about is the benefits she can bring to you, her high income and maybe one day kids, do you even like your gf?
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my wife currently works in the medical field. over the past couple of years, with covid and all the internal strife at the hospital, she has burned out. her current salary is nearly twice mine. however, with her mentally burned out, she was just miserable. so, she looked for a new job. she found one and will be starting it later this month. the catch? it's half her current salary. so, things will be tight, budget-wise, for a bit.
the difference between your story and mine is that i've been supportive of my wife's decisions. i was there to see her come home everyday in tears with all the crap she had to put up with. i'm the one who encouraged her to find a new job, even if it meant taking a paycut. we would figure things out together.
that's what it means to be in a relationship/marriage. you have to be the partner. you have to be the one to support the other. if her mental health is at stake, be supportive of the changes to get her mentally healthy again. as long as the bills are being paid, who cares if she works a bit less than she used to?
if someone working part-time is a deal breaker for you, then fine. end the relationship. but don't impose your goals on your partner. either be there for her or find someone new. yta.
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we've been together for 4 years - when we met she worked many, many hours and earned more than i did. it was one of the reasons i liked her - she was very driven and motivated and she inspired me. as time has gone on, she's been reducing her hours down and over the past year, she's had poor mental health due to family issues, and has worked less than half as much as she used to. she does manual work and had a stress-induced injury which flares up when she's stressed. she came through that bad time, but she's completely lost her drive and is focussing more on 'better mental health' whilst only working part-time. i've never know anyone do this, none of my friends are doing it and she's completely lost her work ethic. it makes me worry if she were to be the mother to my children as she's completely lost all drive because of her problems. i'm worried she will do this if we were to have children together, and in life things do happen and you have to keep soldiering on. i recently brought this up with her and she was furious, and said she's paying for half of everything and i'm not financially affected by her decision therefore i should encourage her to do what makes her happy. we had a big disagreement and i still feel resentful and disappointed that she's lost her drive and motivation. so reddit, aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we've been together for 4 years - when we met she worked many, many hours and earned more than i did. it was one of the reasons i liked her - she was very driven and motivated and she inspired me. as time has gone on, she's been reducing her hours down and over the past year, she's had poor mental health due to family issues, and has worked less than half as much as she used to. she does manual work and had a stress-induced injury which flares up when she's stressed. she came through that bad time, but she's completely lost her drive and is focussing more on 'better mental health' whilst only working part-time. i've never know anyone do this, none of my friends are doing it and she's completely lost her work ethic. it makes me worry if she were to be the mother to my children as she's completely lost all drive because of her problems. i'm worried she will do this if we were to have children together, and in life things do happen and you have to keep soldiering on. i recently brought this up with her and she was furious, and said she's paying for half of everything and i'm not financially affected by her decision therefore i should encourage her to do what makes her happy. we had a big disagreement and i still feel resentful and disappointed that she's lost her drive and motivation. so reddit, aita? [/INST] yta. she's trying to take care of herself and you're being selfish. </s>
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AITA for not inviting my husband's son to Christmas?
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my husband (64) has two kids, a daughter (35) and son (31), his daughter lives in a different country, but is low contact with us, so we have very little to do with her.
their real mother died when they were both in their teens.
his son lives only 15 minutes away, and we see him from time-to-time. he's not a bad guy, just very different to my husband and i.
i also have a son of my own (41), he is a very successful stock broker, while my husband's son is a moderately successful photographer. my son is married with 3 kids, while my husband's son is still single, this usually causes problems over christmas, as i like to spend it with my son and his family, and i expect my husband to join.
we invited his son along four years ago, and even though he did try to fit in, it just wasn't a good fit. he thought it appropriate to show up in jeans and a t-shirt; i was so embarrassed, i could hardly look anyone in the eyes.
ever since that year, we decided not to invite him again, this never seemed to be an issue until this year. we showed up at his home early morning. we had plans to go over to my son's house at around 11:00, so we didn't really have time, so we just dropped off a gift for him and left. he bought nothing for us.
later that day, my husband texted him to ask him to ask if he had enjoyed the rest of xmas, to which he replied "oh right, that's what today was, thanks for the chocolate and 3 minute visit".
my husband was very upset by this, but i was outraged. i wanted to contact him and put him in his place, but my husband took my phone away and told me to let it go.
it's been two days now, him and my husband are talking again, and both seem to have just moved past it, but i'm still mad. it's not my fault that he is less successful than my family, and just can't fit in with us.
so, am i the idiot for not inviting my husband's son to christmas? i think i might slightly be, because my husband wasn't super rich until he married me, so his son was raised in a lower class environment, which obviously he can't help, but at the same time, it's definitely not my fault either. i feel very conflicted.
just thought i would add this, because it keeps coming up. no, i did not tell him about the dress code but he has spent enough time with me and his father, that he should have known better. the jeans were also ill fitting and did not look neat at all.
also, that xmas didn't take place at my house but at my son's, and he was also quite embarrassed, (1) because this wasn't setting a good example to his young children, and (2) he had other guests over as well, and this did not make a favourable impression on them.
| 5,818 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rppbsu/aita_for_not_inviting_my_husbands_son_to_christmas/
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2021-12-27 15:01:25
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yta. you knew what you were doing with that visit. it was a driveby so he couldn't say you totally ignored him, but it was literally the least effort you could possibly expend and say you saw him on christmas. if you're gonna pull bullshit like that don't be surprised when people call you on it.
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yta. the only thing you've mentioned that he did "wrong" was wearing jeans to a family gathering. you sound like a shallow, snobby person who cares more about appearances than family.
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yta.
it's no wonder the daughter is already low-contact with you guys.
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it's not unreasonable for a son to expect his parent, if able, spends more than a 3 minute visit and a text message on him for christmas. i can absolutely see where he comes from, especially when dealing with a woman whose main takeaway from a previous christmas party was he wore jeans and a tshirt and he isn't quite as successful as your son, and he doesn't have a family, the absolutely monster. oh no, he didn't fit in perfectly, better never make any attempt with him again!
meanwhile you seem to insist to your husband he spends most of christmas with you and your son, because... reasons?
your husband's son may not have shown his displeasure in the best way, but he did just give you an insight on what he thinks of how you treat him (which based on this post is incredibly poorly) and it is up to you to either use this for introspection to see how your behaviour is affecting him, or you go ahead and call him up to "put him in his place" as you so delightfully put it.
yta.
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i don't believe this story is real. i refuse to believe there's evil, godawful evil people like you.
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yta
and you sound so judgemental😬
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yta. just because his son doesn't fit into your definition of "success" doesn't mean you can treat him however you want. seriously you need to grow up. having kids or a high paying job doesn't make you any more of person that someone working at a retail store. your husband is a little ta for allowing you to basically treat his son as someone not worth the effort. that's his son, your stepson, and yet you don't even truly care about him because he doesn't fit into your supposed values in life. i kinda wish your husband would wise up and put a stop to your judgemental ways for the sake of his own child.
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well no wonder his daughter went no contact. guess who else is gonna go no contact soon...
yta and a horribly judgemental person. how do you even start describing people based on their level of 'success'? how horrible
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put him in his place? from your post alone i see why your husbands daughter went low contact, yta
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yta. it’s no surprise your stepdaughter is lc with you after reading this. you sound like you despise his kids and don’t even bother to hide it. i feel terrible for them. what was the purpose of mentioning your son is a “very successful” stock broker and his son is a “moderately successful” photographer? how does that contribute to the story…other than pointing out that you clearly think your son is better than your husband’s son? who cares if he wears jeans and a t shirt? you also mention that your husband is now “super rich” but his son was raised when he was lower class. your snobbery is gross. you clearly prioritize some antiqued sense of upper class propriety over human beings and family. it is also clear that you don’t love your stepchildren. i’m sure when they lost their mother as teenagers it was very traumatic for them. and then when their father married you it must have felt like they lost him too. yta. big time.
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband (64) has two kids, a daughter (35) and son (31), his daughter lives in a different country, but is low contact with us, so we have very little to do with her. their real mother died when they were both in their teens. his son lives only 15 minutes away, and we see him from time-to-time. he's not a bad guy, just very different to my husband and i. i also have a son of my own (41), he is a very successful stock broker, while my husband's son is a moderately successful photographer. my son is married with 3 kids, while my husband's son is still single, this usually causes problems over christmas, as i like to spend it with my son and his family, and i expect my husband to join. we invited his son along four years ago, and even though he did try to fit in, it just wasn't a good fit. he thought it appropriate to show up in jeans and a t-shirt; i was so embarrassed, i could hardly look anyone in the eyes. ever since that year, we decided not to invite him again, this never seemed to be an issue until this year. we showed up at his home early morning. we had plans to go over to my son's house at around 11:00, so we didn't really have time, so we just dropped off a gift for him and left. he bought nothing for us. later that day, my husband texted him to ask him to ask if he had enjoyed the rest of xmas, to which he replied "oh right, that's what today was, thanks for the chocolate and 3 minute visit". my husband was very upset by this, but i was outraged. i wanted to contact him and put him in his place, but my husband took my phone away and told me to let it go. it's been two days now, him and my husband are talking again, and both seem to have just moved past it, but i'm still mad. it's not my fault that he is less successful than my family, and just can't fit in with us. so, am i the idiot for not inviting my husband's son to christmas? i think i might slightly be, because my husband wasn't super rich until he married me, so his son was raised in a lower class environment, which obviously he can't help, but at the same time, it's definitely not my fault either. i feel very conflicted. just thought i would add this, because it keeps coming up. no, i did not tell him about the dress code but he has spent enough time with me and his father, that he should have known better. the jeans were also ill fitting and did not look neat at all. also, that xmas didn't take place at my house but at my son's, and he was also quite embarrassed, (1) because this wasn't setting a good example to his young children, and (2) he had other guests over as well, and this did not make a favourable impression on them.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband (64) has two kids, a daughter (35) and son (31), his daughter lives in a different country, but is low contact with us, so we have very little to do with her. their real mother died when they were both in their teens. his son lives only 15 minutes away, and we see him from time-to-time. he's not a bad guy, just very different to my husband and i. i also have a son of my own (41), he is a very successful stock broker, while my husband's son is a moderately successful photographer. my son is married with 3 kids, while my husband's son is still single, this usually causes problems over christmas, as i like to spend it with my son and his family, and i expect my husband to join. we invited his son along four years ago, and even though he did try to fit in, it just wasn't a good fit. he thought it appropriate to show up in jeans and a t-shirt; i was so embarrassed, i could hardly look anyone in the eyes. ever since that year, we decided not to invite him again, this never seemed to be an issue until this year. we showed up at his home early morning. we had plans to go over to my son's house at around 11:00, so we didn't really have time, so we just dropped off a gift for him and left. he bought nothing for us. later that day, my husband texted him to ask him to ask if he had enjoyed the rest of xmas, to which he replied "oh right, that's what today was, thanks for the chocolate and 3 minute visit". my husband was very upset by this, but i was outraged. i wanted to contact him and put him in his place, but my husband took my phone away and told me to let it go. it's been two days now, him and my husband are talking again, and both seem to have just moved past it, but i'm still mad. it's not my fault that he is less successful than my family, and just can't fit in with us. so, am i the idiot for not inviting my husband's son to christmas? i think i might slightly be, because my husband wasn't super rich until he married me, so his son was raised in a lower class environment, which obviously he can't help, but at the same time, it's definitely not my fault either. i feel very conflicted. just thought i would add this, because it keeps coming up. no, i did not tell him about the dress code but he has spent enough time with me and his father, that he should have known better. the jeans were also ill fitting and did not look neat at all. also, that xmas didn't take place at my house but at my son's, and he was also quite embarrassed, (1) because this wasn't setting a good example to his young children, and (2) he had other guests over as well, and this did not make a favourable impression on them. [/INST] yta. you knew what you were doing with that visit. it was a driveby so he couldn't say you totally ignored him, but it was literally the least effort you could possibly expend and say you saw him on christmas. if you're gonna pull bullshit like that don't be surprised when people call you on it. </s>
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AITA for refusing to split my inheritance evenly with my brother, morally speaking?
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throwback because some of my friends are on reddit as well. last year, i (30 m) received news that an aunt whom i had never known existed, had passed away. she left me her house and a fairly large sum of money in her bank account. in her will she wrote that she and my late father, her only sibling, had stopped keeping in touch with each other over a ‘family dispute’ years ago before i was born. but she knew that my father had a son (me) before she moved away to another city. she never had children herself.
anyway, my wife and i were beyond ecstatic about it. we decided to put the house up for rent. we wanted to handle this financial windfall wisely. on the other hand, when my brother (29 m) found out about it, he became really upset. he reasoned that since aunt had moved away before he was born, she had never known that i had a brother, thus deciding i was the only one to whom she would bequeath her possessions. he demanded i split the money with him.
here’s the thing. history repeats itself. growing up, my brother and i never got along well. he takes pride in his sense of freedom being wild and a troublemaker, partying hard, smoking weeds, going to rock concerts, spending weeks and even months traveling the world, never settling down in one place for too long. i, on the other hand, am a very organized person. i have a stable job which i love. my wife is 5 months pregnant and i can’t be happier. so excited to be a father.
nevertheless, in a way i think my brother’s right. aunt would have split the money between us if she had known that my father had another son. i didn’t want to repeat my father and aunt’s mistakes, so i split the money from her bank account evenly with him. but it wasn’t enough for him. he insists that i sell the house as well and split the money from its sale. only then it would be *fair*, according to him.
i refused. i told him no. the house and money are legally mine. it was my name written on aunt’s will. my name only. i can’t change the past. it’s not my fault that aunt had never known he existed. he became furious. he asked how i would feel if i were him. he accused me of being greedy, money-hungry, avaricious, everything, you name it. he even threatened to bring the case to court. but i stood my ground.
nowadays, i have started to feel kind of bad about the whole situation. ignoring the fact that legally the house and the money are mine, maybe he is entitled to 50% of the house? maybe selling it and splitting the money from its sale is the right thing to do?
morally speaking, am i the asshole for refusing to sell the house and split the money from its sale with my brother?
| 5,054 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/frour9/aita_for_refusing_to_split_my_inheritance_evenly/
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2020-03-30 11:12:13
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yta. first, did you really post that he smokes the weeds and attends rock concerts? holy judgmental and pretentious.... while legally the money may belong to you, morally, what you’re doing is fucked up.
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nta.
someone neither of you knew gave *you* a windfall because she happened to know *you* existed.
here's the thing. *neither* of you "deserve" anything from your aunt. neither of you are entitled to anything from her.
you kept the object you were given and you split the liquid assets with your brother. that was nice.
now he's just being greedy. over something neither of you expected or "deserve".
his brother got something nice that no one was expecting. and he felt he *deserved* half just for existing. and you split the easily split half with him.
if *this* is what causes him to break up the sibling relationship, if he's willing to sue you for "exactly half" of a gift you got that neither of you were entitled to or deserve, the money won't fix the problems with the relationship.
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yta. i think. i understand why you wouldn’t want to share the house, but i do think morally your brother is entitled to half.
your aunt wanted her brothers kid(s) to inherit. you yourself believe she would have split it between the two of you if she had known about it.
so, how is it fair for one of you to be getting more than the other? i don’t think it is.
also, you talking about your different lifestyles (and trying to paint a picture of your brother as someone not as “deserving” as you because he is more reckless), really isn’t all that relevant.
it was your aunts assets, and had she known about your brother, she would have (to the best of your knowledge) wanted those assets split (likely equally) between the two of you. the house is also an asset.
all that being said, i get it, i completely get why it feels incredibly hard to do what is fair. you probably feel like you already “sacrificed” enough by giving him half the money. but despite how it feels, i don’t think you have given him a “fair” share.
maybe you can come up with a payment plan where you keep the house, but give him half the market value (at the time of inheritance) in small enough increments that your personal finances can handle it. that way he eventually gets his share, and you don’t end up forced to sell a property you might want to keep.
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yta morally speaking but also for the “i’m a stand up guy and my brother goes to concerts so he’s useless” mentality lmao
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ok, well legally you would win in court. the house belongs to you. he has no right to sell it at all. yta morally. he deserves it just as much as you do
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yta and the pretentious paragraph about you being a perfect goodie two shoes as opposed to your -gasp- weed smoking, concert goer brother, is still not gonna sway us into thinking that the money is morally yours.
yes you are being greedy! so far the only reason you are using for holding on to is the legal one, which happen to be a technicality that favored you.
and you are trying to sway the moral verdict by saying how perfect you are. but honestly, half a bank account and half a house on an unexpected windfall should be more than enough to feed your greedy ass. give your brother what's **morally** his and try to be a better person for your child.
god i just thought... what if your kid turns out to be mildly rebellious? wonder if you'll threaten to withhold his inheritance until he "gets his life together" and fits into your mold.
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info:
>here’s the thing. history repeats itself. growing up, my brother and i never got along well. he takes pride in his sense of freedom being wild and a troublemaker, partying hard, smoking weeds, going to rock concerts, spending weeks and even months traveling the world, never settling down in one place for too long. i, on the other hand, am a very organized person. i have a stable job which i love. my wife is 5 months pregnant and i can’t be happier. so excited to be a father.
what in the world does this have to do with anything?
yta morally, 100%. you don't need to sell the house, have it evaluated for market value and give your brother half that from the inheritance.
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100% yta, taking advantage of your aunt's ignorance for your own financial gain. split the rent income with him, you don't have to sell it if you don't want to.
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nta.
yes, it was a windfall - but like other windfalls (eg lottery), the spoils fall where they lay. there are a lot of things in life which are inherently unfair, but that doesn't create a moral obligation on a recipient.
i would have said no assholes here as he is allowed to ask, and you are allowed to say no. except your reasonable "no" was met with a torrent of abuse.
he used the money you gifted? don't throw good money after bad. i'd be keeping good accounting records for the house though - if he tones down at some point, it would be honourable to share. until then, nta.
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morally, you already know yta. you said it yourself, if your aunt had known about your brother everything would have been split.
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.201556 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwback because some of my friends are on reddit as well. last year, i (30 m) received news that an aunt whom i had never known existed, had passed away. she left me her house and a fairly large sum of money in her bank account. in her will she wrote that she and my late father, her only sibling, had stopped keeping in touch with each other over a ‘family dispute’ years ago before i was born. but she knew that my father had a son (me) before she moved away to another city. she never had children herself. anyway, my wife and i were beyond ecstatic about it. we decided to put the house up for rent. we wanted to handle this financial windfall wisely. on the other hand, when my brother (29 m) found out about it, he became really upset. he reasoned that since aunt had moved away before he was born, she had never known that i had a brother, thus deciding i was the only one to whom she would bequeath her possessions. he demanded i split the money with him. here’s the thing. history repeats itself. growing up, my brother and i never got along well. he takes pride in his sense of freedom being wild and a troublemaker, partying hard, smoking weeds, going to rock concerts, spending weeks and even months traveling the world, never settling down in one place for too long. i, on the other hand, am a very organized person. i have a stable job which i love. my wife is 5 months pregnant and i can’t be happier. so excited to be a father. nevertheless, in a way i think my brother’s right. aunt would have split the money between us if she had known that my father had another son. i didn’t want to repeat my father and aunt’s mistakes, so i split the money from her bank account evenly with him. but it wasn’t enough for him. he insists that i sell the house as well and split the money from its sale. only then it would be *fair*, according to him. i refused. i told him no. the house and money are legally mine. it was my name written on aunt’s will. my name only. i can’t change the past. it’s not my fault that aunt had never known he existed. he became furious. he asked how i would feel if i were him. he accused me of being greedy, money-hungry, avaricious, everything, you name it. he even threatened to bring the case to court. but i stood my ground. nowadays, i have started to feel kind of bad about the whole situation. ignoring the fact that legally the house and the money are mine, maybe he is entitled to 50% of the house? maybe selling it and splitting the money from its sale is the right thing to do? morally speaking, am i the asshole for refusing to sell the house and split the money from its sale with my brother?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwback because some of my friends are on reddit as well. last year, i (30 m) received news that an aunt whom i had never known existed, had passed away. she left me her house and a fairly large sum of money in her bank account. in her will she wrote that she and my late father, her only sibling, had stopped keeping in touch with each other over a ‘family dispute’ years ago before i was born. but she knew that my father had a son (me) before she moved away to another city. she never had children herself. anyway, my wife and i were beyond ecstatic about it. we decided to put the house up for rent. we wanted to handle this financial windfall wisely. on the other hand, when my brother (29 m) found out about it, he became really upset. he reasoned that since aunt had moved away before he was born, she had never known that i had a brother, thus deciding i was the only one to whom she would bequeath her possessions. he demanded i split the money with him. here’s the thing. history repeats itself. growing up, my brother and i never got along well. he takes pride in his sense of freedom being wild and a troublemaker, partying hard, smoking weeds, going to rock concerts, spending weeks and even months traveling the world, never settling down in one place for too long. i, on the other hand, am a very organized person. i have a stable job which i love. my wife is 5 months pregnant and i can’t be happier. so excited to be a father. nevertheless, in a way i think my brother’s right. aunt would have split the money between us if she had known that my father had another son. i didn’t want to repeat my father and aunt’s mistakes, so i split the money from her bank account evenly with him. but it wasn’t enough for him. he insists that i sell the house as well and split the money from its sale. only then it would be *fair*, according to him. i refused. i told him no. the house and money are legally mine. it was my name written on aunt’s will. my name only. i can’t change the past. it’s not my fault that aunt had never known he existed. he became furious. he asked how i would feel if i were him. he accused me of being greedy, money-hungry, avaricious, everything, you name it. he even threatened to bring the case to court. but i stood my ground. nowadays, i have started to feel kind of bad about the whole situation. ignoring the fact that legally the house and the money are mine, maybe he is entitled to 50% of the house? maybe selling it and splitting the money from its sale is the right thing to do? morally speaking, am i the asshole for refusing to sell the house and split the money from its sale with my brother? [/INST] yta. first, did you really post that he smokes the weeds and attends rock concerts? holy judgmental and pretentious.... while legally the money may belong to you, morally, what you’re doing is fucked up. </s>
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AITA for not giving my empty row of plane seats to a mother with toddlers?
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this happened a couple weeks ago, but i'm still conflicted about it, so here goes.
i travel a lot for work, mostly one route between the east and west coasts. most recently, i was out on the west coast and had to push my flight back by a few hours, and ended up switching to a red eye that would get me home at around 5:30am. this wouldn't be a problem except that i had a client meeting at 8:30 that morning, so while switching my ticket i paid out of pocket to upgrade to a window seat in an exit row, because the whole row was empty and that way i had a decent shot of getting at least a little bit of sleep. (because i take this specific route and airline a lot, i knew a few things about this particular row - namely that you can't recline the seats more than an inch or two and the window is usually kind of weird, which was fine by me since i just wanted to get on the plane and conk out.)
of course, when it came time to board, i get to my row and find that a woman is sitting in the middle with her two young daughters, maybe 2 and 4, on either side of her. i politely told her that she'd made a mistake and was sitting in my seat. her response was that she was seated a row up and across the aisle, on the aisle seat, but her two kids were across from her on the aisle and middle, and she saw the empty row before i got there, and would i do her the favor of just switching?
here's the thing: if circumstances were different, i would have! but i explained that i had a meeting at 8:30 and paid extra for that ticket so that i could sleep. i really thought that would be the end of it, but she huffed and shook her head and buckled her kids' seatbelts right then and there.
by this point the plane is filling up, i'm blocking the aisle, it's causing a whole thing, so i just flag down a flight attendant and explain the situation. the mom stops ignoring me long enough to pipe up and say she needs a row where the three of them can sit together. the flight attendant (who looked exhausted and totally done and clearly just wanted to get home as much as i did) goes, "this is an exit row. your kids can't sit there because they're not capable of performing the exit row responsibilities in case of an emergency landing. there's not going to *be* another empty row. please sit in the seat indicated on your ticket."
so i sit down in my window seat and she takes her kids and moves up a row, and i figure that's the last of it, but of course, no one else comes to sit down in my row (the gamble paid off), and so when we finally take off and hit cruising altitude, i push the arm rests up and stretch out across the row and just pass out. when we land, i'm getting my bag out of the overhead, and the woman stands up and mutters to me, "you look like you slept well, bitch."
so, reddit. am i the asshole (or bitch, as it were)?
**
| 26,794 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/co2j4x/aita_for_not_giving_my_empty_row_of_plane_seats/
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2019-08-09 13:41:13
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nta
you paid for the ticket, and that particular set of seats doesn't allow kids. end of.
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nta but that woman sure was. i'm a mom and i have flown several times with my two toddlers. first of all, a responsible parent doesn't book a flight without paying for confirmed seats, to ensure you're sitting with your kiddos. either she hasn't done this before or really likes to gamble, because i would never assume a flight would have three seats side by side without reserving them. second of all, absolutely not, toddlers can't be in the exit row. i actually had a flight attendant move our seats on our most recent flight because we were sitting behind the exit row and apparently that wasn't okay either. third, it was uncalled for for this woman to be so rude to you. she needed three seats side by side and all she had to do was ask a flight attendant for help. it's unnecessary and asshole-ish to just take someone's seat. i've been on both sides of this problem, and flight attendants are wonderful in kindly asking people if they can move so everyone can get situated.
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nta. she wasn't an asshole for asking you initially, but she became one when she refused. you bought that ticket and that seat, it was yours. if she needed a switch, she should have asked the crew and they would have worked something out for her. and besides, they couldn't even sit there! it was an emergency row! traveling with kids must be exhausting, but it's not a free pass to be an asshole to whomever you please.
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nta
1, you paid for it, not her.
2, she wasnt allowed to sit there with kids, end of. she was an idiot.
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[removed]
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nta. she could have also paid extra to make sure her kids were sitting with her, but she chose not to. she doesn’t get to then try to bully her way into other people’s seats.
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nta you paid extra for those seats, doesn't matter how entitled that crappy parent is she should have ordered tickets earlier to ensure she could sit next to her kids. plus that "bitch" comment was so uncalled for. i think you could prob post this is in r/entitledparents
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nta. flight attendant would have booted them later because of the emergency aisle situation. what you did really didn't matter, but the mom had the sense to not mouth off to the flight attendant.
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nta. you don’t owe someone a seat you paid for because they have kids. they chose to have children, so they shouldn’t expect special treatment from strangers just for having them
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i hope you said, "yes, i did." and smiled at the entitled woman and her brats.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened a couple weeks ago, but i'm still conflicted about it, so here goes. i travel a lot for work, mostly one route between the east and west coasts. most recently, i was out on the west coast and had to push my flight back by a few hours, and ended up switching to a red eye that would get me home at around 5:30am. this wouldn't be a problem except that i had a client meeting at 8:30 that morning, so while switching my ticket i paid out of pocket to upgrade to a window seat in an exit row, because the whole row was empty and that way i had a decent shot of getting at least a little bit of sleep. (because i take this specific route and airline a lot, i knew a few things about this particular row - namely that you can't recline the seats more than an inch or two and the window is usually kind of weird, which was fine by me since i just wanted to get on the plane and conk out.) of course, when it came time to board, i get to my row and find that a woman is sitting in the middle with her two young daughters, maybe 2 and 4, on either side of her. i politely told her that she'd made a mistake and was sitting in my seat. her response was that she was seated a row up and across the aisle, on the aisle seat, but her two kids were across from her on the aisle and middle, and she saw the empty row before i got there, and would i do her the favor of just switching? here's the thing: if circumstances were different, i would have! but i explained that i had a meeting at 8:30 and paid extra for that ticket so that i could sleep. i really thought that would be the end of it, but she huffed and shook her head and buckled her kids' seatbelts right then and there. by this point the plane is filling up, i'm blocking the aisle, it's causing a whole thing, so i just flag down a flight attendant and explain the situation. the mom stops ignoring me long enough to pipe up and say she needs a row where the three of them can sit together. the flight attendant (who looked exhausted and totally done and clearly just wanted to get home as much as i did) goes, "this is an exit row. your kids can't sit there because they're not capable of performing the exit row responsibilities in case of an emergency landing. there's not going to *be* another empty row. please sit in the seat indicated on your ticket." so i sit down in my window seat and she takes her kids and moves up a row, and i figure that's the last of it, but of course, no one else comes to sit down in my row (the gamble paid off), and so when we finally take off and hit cruising altitude, i push the arm rests up and stretch out across the row and just pass out. when we land, i'm getting my bag out of the overhead, and the woman stands up and mutters to me, "you look like you slept well, bitch." so, reddit. am i the asshole (or bitch, as it were)? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened a couple weeks ago, but i'm still conflicted about it, so here goes. i travel a lot for work, mostly one route between the east and west coasts. most recently, i was out on the west coast and had to push my flight back by a few hours, and ended up switching to a red eye that would get me home at around 5:30am. this wouldn't be a problem except that i had a client meeting at 8:30 that morning, so while switching my ticket i paid out of pocket to upgrade to a window seat in an exit row, because the whole row was empty and that way i had a decent shot of getting at least a little bit of sleep. (because i take this specific route and airline a lot, i knew a few things about this particular row - namely that you can't recline the seats more than an inch or two and the window is usually kind of weird, which was fine by me since i just wanted to get on the plane and conk out.) of course, when it came time to board, i get to my row and find that a woman is sitting in the middle with her two young daughters, maybe 2 and 4, on either side of her. i politely told her that she'd made a mistake and was sitting in my seat. her response was that she was seated a row up and across the aisle, on the aisle seat, but her two kids were across from her on the aisle and middle, and she saw the empty row before i got there, and would i do her the favor of just switching? here's the thing: if circumstances were different, i would have! but i explained that i had a meeting at 8:30 and paid extra for that ticket so that i could sleep. i really thought that would be the end of it, but she huffed and shook her head and buckled her kids' seatbelts right then and there. by this point the plane is filling up, i'm blocking the aisle, it's causing a whole thing, so i just flag down a flight attendant and explain the situation. the mom stops ignoring me long enough to pipe up and say she needs a row where the three of them can sit together. the flight attendant (who looked exhausted and totally done and clearly just wanted to get home as much as i did) goes, "this is an exit row. your kids can't sit there because they're not capable of performing the exit row responsibilities in case of an emergency landing. there's not going to *be* another empty row. please sit in the seat indicated on your ticket." so i sit down in my window seat and she takes her kids and moves up a row, and i figure that's the last of it, but of course, no one else comes to sit down in my row (the gamble paid off), and so when we finally take off and hit cruising altitude, i push the arm rests up and stretch out across the row and just pass out. when we land, i'm getting my bag out of the overhead, and the woman stands up and mutters to me, "you look like you slept well, bitch." so, reddit. am i the asshole (or bitch, as it were)? ** [/INST] nta you paid for the ticket, and that particular set of seats doesn't allow kids. end of. </s>
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AITA for refusing to give this woman her grandma's wedding dress and jewelry back?
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i(26f) bought a hoarder house back in may 2018. it is a big 6 bedroom 4 and a half bathroom house.
when i bought it, the contract stated that i take ownership of the house and everything in it. the lady who owned it died, and her heirs could not deal with the stench and literal mountain of junk and waste in it (you could only open the door not even 8", and some rooms had the junk filling them wall to wall and floor to ceiling).
well it took me these last 4 years to finish cleaning, fixing and updating it. while doing the cleaning i made sure to check everything before throwing it out. ended with more than $20k of money, some nice jewelry and antique furniture, and finally a stunning 40s style, lace covered wedding dress. this woman took care of that dress untill she couldn't anymore, and it took just some minor work to restore it.
i currently don't have a partner, but i decided that it would he the dress i will be wearing if i ever get married.
while doing the cleaning, i reached to the heirs to pass on some pictures and momentos (christmas personalized ornaments, some kid artwork...), and because of that, i had one of them (30s f) in my fb friends list.
after repairing the dress, i put it on with the jewelry and posted a pic on fb. well this woman saw it and asked for the dress and heirlooms back.
i refused to give them back, and legally they can't do anything. also if they meant that much to them, they should have cleaned the house on their own, not sell it to me.
now she, and all her family, are calling me out on social media. aita?
| 23,946 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wzfy5w/aita_for_refusing_to_give_this_woman_her_grandmas/
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2022-08-27 22:56:49
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nta- recovering hoarder here. legally, you are in the right. morally, you are also in the right. and though i cannot speak for the woman whose things you now own, i can give you insight into how i would feel if i died before i could find homes for my treasures: i would want someone who cared enough to restore and respect the items to have them. you saw the beauty in them, as did she. you didn't just chuck it all in a dumpster. take them, wear them, be happy to honor the original owner. her family did not view these things as anything but a hassle.
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nta. it’s a *lot* to clean a hoarder’s house. they could have hired a service if they were mentally unable to do it but instead they dumped it on someone else who paid them to take the house and all that’s in it.
if they cared about the items they should have offered you money or asked you to keep an eye out. it’s yours, you did the work. i don’t care how cheap you got the house, it probably doesn’t “even out” like someone said because hoarding houses are… disasters, simply put and it takes a lot to clean and restore them.
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nta
you bought it and then (more importantly) you did a shit ton of work to save and restore these things. honestly, if i were the grandma i'd rather have my stuff go to a random stranger who gave a damn then anyone else.
also, on that note, i'm gonna call out everyone in the comments (fortunately not that many) who say that this dress is more important to the family member. umm, no. it's not that important to the family. their convenience was more important. now that all of the hard work is done suddenly it all means so much to them. that's ridiculous.
my grandmother was a hoarder and my family spent months cleaning out her house after she died. we did that because our family heirlooms and history meant something to us. it wasn't easy. it was costly and time consuming and miserable, and really important. you don't get to come back later, after all of the work is done, and decide you're suddenly entitled to the fruit of someone else's work.
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nta. you can offer to sell it to them if you are feeling nice, but you literally spent 4 years going through all of the house, cleaning and fixing things up. that's a lot of labor they didn't feel like dealing with.
you should probably remove them from fb. honestly it's also a little weird that you posted a pic in that dress if you plan on getting married in it someday
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nta- but, since you were giving them mementos, which was a nice gesture, i think you confused them when you showed off the dress. cut them off and stop showing anymore things you’ve discovered.
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nah
the previous owner of the home passed away and it was likely much easier for her family to sell the house as is. in these cases the family are exhausted trying to reach the mentally ill person with the hoarding problem and just want to remove that stress from their lives after she passed. completely reasonable. they may have thought it all destroyed because as you said you could only open doors 8" and there was waste everywhere.
you are legally the owner of this property and you took the time and money and care to restore these items. as they are legally yours. you do have a right to keep them.
i'm not going to say you're an ah for keeping them, but it would be a very kind thing to offer these items to the family. despite the fact the house was in ruins it doesn't mean they didn't love their grandmother and wish to have some of the things she likely would have left to them if she'd been able to get to them.
edited because i forgot judgement
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nta.
i honestly do feel this is a case of them wanting the spoils without doing the labor. you invested your time and money to recover clean and fix everything. you should be compensated for your labor. you did give them back sentimental items but if they want the valuable items i think they should pay.
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nta
i feel like people are not understanding the risk you took buying a hoarder house. the cleaning/disposal for cleaning up a bad hoard is expensive and time consuming, and there's no guarantees of being able to salvage anything. plus, it's not unusual for the entire house to be destroyed by a hoard and the destruction to not be visible until the hoard is cleared.
let's be clear, the family had a chance to ask for a clause to return or buy back the heirlooms when they sold the house. they didn't do that because they assumed nothing they valued survived and they didn't want the trauma of dealing with the hoard. i understand the surprise of seeing that you were able to salvage these heirlooms, and i understand them wanting the heirlooms back. but, they don't get to just demand the items and they don't get to be shitty about you saying no. frankly, they should be grateful that you salvaged and returned the other sentimental mementos and papers. many people wouldn't even go that far.
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i'm going to have to go with yta. while you may legally own those items, and they could've looked through the house themselves, once you've opened up communication with the family and friended them on facebook, flaunting their dead grandma's stuff--and expensive stuff at that-- is like rubbing their loss of heirlooms in their faces.
there are many reasons people sell homes as is. people on this subreddit seem to think it's just because they "didn't care enough to look through it themselves." but more than likely other factors-- like mental health, grief, managing debt after a loss-- were all huge factors. maybe they made a difficult decision and sold the house to pay for a funeral, who knows.
it doesn't mean that what is in the house isn't still significant.
op clearly said that the dress looked like it had been taken care of--probably more than other things in the home-- which means that this dead woman probably wanted to pass on her wedding dress. flaunting that and her valuable possessions in front of the family through facebook is thoughtless behavior.
to echo what other posters have said, what is legal and moral are two different things.
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nta here. this is no good deed goes unpunished situation if you'd trashed the mementos that are purely sentimental instead of seeking the family out you share, no one would give you any grief for not handing other items back.
there are professionals who could have been hired to sort through the hoarder's house. the family chose not to get help. they sold the house knowing grandma's valuables were in there. tell them you will give them anything indicated as theirs in the legal contract they read and signed when they sold the house to you but do not get sucked into a debate or a fight.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.03763 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(26f) bought a hoarder house back in may 2018. it is a big 6 bedroom 4 and a half bathroom house. when i bought it, the contract stated that i take ownership of the house and everything in it. the lady who owned it died, and her heirs could not deal with the stench and literal mountain of junk and waste in it (you could only open the door not even 8", and some rooms had the junk filling them wall to wall and floor to ceiling). well it took me these last 4 years to finish cleaning, fixing and updating it. while doing the cleaning i made sure to check everything before throwing it out. ended with more than $20k of money, some nice jewelry and antique furniture, and finally a stunning 40s style, lace covered wedding dress. this woman took care of that dress untill she couldn't anymore, and it took just some minor work to restore it. i currently don't have a partner, but i decided that it would he the dress i will be wearing if i ever get married. while doing the cleaning, i reached to the heirs to pass on some pictures and momentos (christmas personalized ornaments, some kid artwork...), and because of that, i had one of them (30s f) in my fb friends list. after repairing the dress, i put it on with the jewelry and posted a pic on fb. well this woman saw it and asked for the dress and heirlooms back. i refused to give them back, and legally they can't do anything. also if they meant that much to them, they should have cleaned the house on their own, not sell it to me. now she, and all her family, are calling me out on social media. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(26f) bought a hoarder house back in may 2018. it is a big 6 bedroom 4 and a half bathroom house. when i bought it, the contract stated that i take ownership of the house and everything in it. the lady who owned it died, and her heirs could not deal with the stench and literal mountain of junk and waste in it (you could only open the door not even 8", and some rooms had the junk filling them wall to wall and floor to ceiling). well it took me these last 4 years to finish cleaning, fixing and updating it. while doing the cleaning i made sure to check everything before throwing it out. ended with more than $20k of money, some nice jewelry and antique furniture, and finally a stunning 40s style, lace covered wedding dress. this woman took care of that dress untill she couldn't anymore, and it took just some minor work to restore it. i currently don't have a partner, but i decided that it would he the dress i will be wearing if i ever get married. while doing the cleaning, i reached to the heirs to pass on some pictures and momentos (christmas personalized ornaments, some kid artwork...), and because of that, i had one of them (30s f) in my fb friends list. after repairing the dress, i put it on with the jewelry and posted a pic on fb. well this woman saw it and asked for the dress and heirlooms back. i refused to give them back, and legally they can't do anything. also if they meant that much to them, they should have cleaned the house on their own, not sell it to me. now she, and all her family, are calling me out on social media. aita? [/INST] nta- recovering hoarder here. legally, you are in the right. morally, you are also in the right. and though i cannot speak for the woman whose things you now own, i can give you insight into how i would feel if i died before i could find homes for my treasures: i would want someone who cared enough to restore and respect the items to have them. you saw the beauty in them, as did she. you didn't just chuck it all in a dumpster. take them, wear them, be happy to honor the original owner. her family did not view these things as anything but a hassle. </s>
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AITA for refusing to cook my boyfriends steak rare?
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i’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple years and normally we get on wonderfully and there’s 0 clash of personality.
one of the things that we don’t always see eye to eye on is food- i love to cook and experiment with food, and he is very much a meat and potatoes kinda guy.
i recently ate a steak that was well done that tasted really good. i know there’s going to be a lot of people turning their noses up and saying ‘impossible’ but honestly, it was delicious and i wanted to try and recreate it at home.
i asked my boyfriend if he would be interested if i purchased some steaks and i specified it was an experiment to give the well done steak a try at home. he said he was on board.
on the day of i prepped and was ready to go. at the last minute he decided he wanted it rare. i was super disappointed and irritated because i wouldn’t have ordinarily bought the steaks midweek, it was specially to give this a try- and i was excited because i thought he could try it and i had a feeling he’d enjoy it.
i said i was not preparing him a rare steak. i said if he wanted to cook his own steak rare that was fine but i had been excited to prepare this for him. i ended up cooking my own steak and he ended up making his own. he’s been telling everyone and anyone that i’m petty and should have just accepted that he changed his mind.
| 9,247 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dgkgu6/aita_for_refusing_to_cook_my_boyfriends_steak_rare/
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2019-10-11 20:03:20
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yta. you're being petty and passive aggressive for no reason. i personally love well-done steak, and my boyfriend teases me and makes fun of me for the "hockey puck" steaks he makes when he makes steak for us all of the time. you don't get to dictate someone else's food preferences, and trying to strong arm him into liking food the way you like it is just weird. he doesn't want his steak well-done, get over it. why not give him some of yours, if you wanted him to try it that badly, instead of trying to force him into making his whole steak the way you like it?
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nta
this is kind of a ridiculous fight, but i disagree with a lot of these comments. everyone is so hellbent on pushing that you “tried to force him to eat something he didn’t want,” but at the same time calling y t a for not cooking something that wasn’t what you wanted to cook?
op: i want to cook well-done steaks!
bf: okay lets do it.
bf: actually no i want mine rare.
op: okay well come make your steak rare then.
bf wasn’t forced to eat a well done steak he didn’t want. op wasn’t forced to cook a steak in a way that she didn’t want to. it’s a little bit hypocritical imo to vilify op for supposedly trying to “force” her bf into doing something and then in the same breath say she should have been forced to do something she didn’t want to.
to me it doesn’t matter if it’s just “taking the meat off a few minutes earlier.” op wanted to try cooking steaks in a specific way, her boyfriend agreed but then changed his mind last minute and wanted his a different way, and op didn’t want to do it that way so she had him cook his own.
the fact that he’s still passive aggressively talking shit about his own girlfriend over something this ridiculous is pretty pathetic to me. “my girlfriend didn’t cook my steak for me! boohoo she’s such a b*tch!”
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esh. you, for liking a well-done steak (just kidding... mostly), and for not just cooking the steak how your boyfriend asked you to. he sucks for bringing others into a private argument. he's the worse of the two, though.
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nta. it was going to be no assholes here... until the very end, where he started telling others mean things about you, even after you accommodated him and let him cook his own steak as he wanted it.
there is nothing inherently wrong with well done meat. some people prefer it that way. it's a matter of tastes / opinion.
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**nta**
you and he agreed to and made a specific plan. you bought the goods prepped everything and he basicaly derailed it, then wants to denigrate you for the situation he created. he's the asshole, and shows very little respect for you by taking his pettiness out to "anyone and everyone" when it's not their business.
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i’m gonna go with nta, because you spent your own money on a meal that you went to the trouble to prepare, and he refused to eat it the way you were going to prepare it, and insisted you make him a different meal. that’s just incredibly rude behavior. he doesn’t get to place his order with you like he’s at a restaurant. i’ll give him a 10% asshole discount for at least telling you before you made the steak, instead of sitting there and refusing to eat it like a toddler, but even so. not acceptable behavior.
also, he keeps bringing it up and telling everyone that you wouldn’t cook his steak rare, but supposedly you’re the petty baby in this scenario? you paid for this meal. he needs to build a bridge and get over it.
i agree that next time, making a serving for yourself and letting him try it is probably the way to go, if for no other reason than the fact that it’ll be cheaper for you and he won’t have anything to complain about.
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am i the only one wanting to know how the steaks turned out?
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nta. the point of the special mid-week steak meal is to try a new well-done preparation of steak that op was excited about. the done-ness of the steak is not an afterthought; it is the *entire point* of this recipe/experiment. bf knew this when he said he wanted to try it. he then insisted on rare after op spent the time, money, and effort prepping the food for this specific recipe. that’s rude. he can cook his own food if he doesn’t want what’s being prepared, which in this case is very specifically well-done steak.
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esh. this shouldn't have been an argument. even if you made his steak rare for him, you could've given him a bite of yours for him to try. it's not that hard to find a compromise. you shouldn't force him to eat something he doesn't want to eat, anyways.
he sucks for telling everyone about it and making you seem petty. i get complaining about your so can cathartic sometimes, but this one is just petty and stupid.
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this is the stupidest thing i’ve ever read here, and that’s saying a lot. it’s a piece of meat.
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YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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ESH
| null | 0.320187 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple years and normally we get on wonderfully and there’s 0 clash of personality. one of the things that we don’t always see eye to eye on is food- i love to cook and experiment with food, and he is very much a meat and potatoes kinda guy. i recently ate a steak that was well done that tasted really good. i know there’s going to be a lot of people turning their noses up and saying ‘impossible’ but honestly, it was delicious and i wanted to try and recreate it at home. i asked my boyfriend if he would be interested if i purchased some steaks and i specified it was an experiment to give the well done steak a try at home. he said he was on board. on the day of i prepped and was ready to go. at the last minute he decided he wanted it rare. i was super disappointed and irritated because i wouldn’t have ordinarily bought the steaks midweek, it was specially to give this a try- and i was excited because i thought he could try it and i had a feeling he’d enjoy it. i said i was not preparing him a rare steak. i said if he wanted to cook his own steak rare that was fine but i had been excited to prepare this for him. i ended up cooking my own steak and he ended up making his own. he’s been telling everyone and anyone that i’m petty and should have just accepted that he changed his mind.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple years and normally we get on wonderfully and there’s 0 clash of personality. one of the things that we don’t always see eye to eye on is food- i love to cook and experiment with food, and he is very much a meat and potatoes kinda guy. i recently ate a steak that was well done that tasted really good. i know there’s going to be a lot of people turning their noses up and saying ‘impossible’ but honestly, it was delicious and i wanted to try and recreate it at home. i asked my boyfriend if he would be interested if i purchased some steaks and i specified it was an experiment to give the well done steak a try at home. he said he was on board. on the day of i prepped and was ready to go. at the last minute he decided he wanted it rare. i was super disappointed and irritated because i wouldn’t have ordinarily bought the steaks midweek, it was specially to give this a try- and i was excited because i thought he could try it and i had a feeling he’d enjoy it. i said i was not preparing him a rare steak. i said if he wanted to cook his own steak rare that was fine but i had been excited to prepare this for him. i ended up cooking my own steak and he ended up making his own. he’s been telling everyone and anyone that i’m petty and should have just accepted that he changed his mind. [/INST] yta. you're being petty and passive aggressive for no reason. i personally love well-done steak, and my boyfriend teases me and makes fun of me for the "hockey puck" steaks he makes when he makes steak for us all of the time. you don't get to dictate someone else's food preferences, and trying to strong arm him into liking food the way you like it is just weird. he doesn't want his steak well-done, get over it. why not give him some of yours, if you wanted him to try it that badly, instead of trying to force him into making his whole steak the way you like it? </s>
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AITA for taking an item out of a cart that my son was pushing at Target while he was working there?
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yesterday, i went to target to buy some clothes for myself. there was one item that i was looking for, but could not find. since my 18 year old son works there, i figured that it would be okay to look in one of the back rooms that was open.
incidentally, i ran into him while i was there, and he was pushing a cart that happened to have the item that i was looking for. so i went ahead and grabbed it, but when he saw me he yelled at me and demanded that i put it back and get out of the back room. i refused, because he wasn't there to shop, and these items are for people who shop there. he then started to throw a giant tantrum, saying that it was for some order. i asked him who it was for, and he couldn't tell me.
he ended up calling over a supervisor, and after some more arguing i eventually i got kicked out of the store because i wanted to buy an item. he is currently not willing to speak to me right now.
aita?
| 6,094 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgdqlr/aita_for_taking_an_item_out_of_a_cart_that_my_son/
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2021-09-02 08:31:29
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yta. back rooms are for staff only and you potentially jeopardised his job with your entitlement.
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yta.
(i feel like this is bait because i saw a really similar post a few days ago. in case it’s not bait, here is my response).
just because your son works there does not mean you, the mother, have any privilege at the store. if he is taking items for an order, do not interfere since he might get in trouble or get fired for messing something up. instead, you should ask him to help you check that item.
quick tip: don’t go in the back rooms at stores by yourself because i’ve witnessed instances where people get banned from the store because of it. trust me, they definitely remember your name/face and it can lead to you getting arrested if you keep trying to return.
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yta. just because your son works there you cannot wander about the place freely. you ask someone to go look to see if they have it in stock out back - you do not go to look for yourself. you put his job at risk. you need to apologise to him.
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yta
if written from your son's point of view this would belong on r/entitledparents
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[removed]
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yta. you could've jeopardized his job by going into the back room and making yourself 'at home' in his workplace. it could've seemed like he was the one giving you preferential treatment
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yta. i hope you're trolling.
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yta
you don't work there, you can't go to the back rooms. you put your son's job in jeopardy by barging in there and putting up a fight. you deserved to be kicked out, lucky you weren't banned.
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>i eventually i got kicked out of the store because i wanted to buy an item.
no. you got kicked out for going to the backroom without any authorized permission and trying to take off with someone else's order. you could've cost your son his job just to fulfill your twisted entitlement. yta!
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yta
you're not allowed in the employees only section. get a grip.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: yesterday, i went to target to buy some clothes for myself. there was one item that i was looking for, but could not find. since my 18 year old son works there, i figured that it would be okay to look in one of the back rooms that was open. incidentally, i ran into him while i was there, and he was pushing a cart that happened to have the item that i was looking for. so i went ahead and grabbed it, but when he saw me he yelled at me and demanded that i put it back and get out of the back room. i refused, because he wasn't there to shop, and these items are for people who shop there. he then started to throw a giant tantrum, saying that it was for some order. i asked him who it was for, and he couldn't tell me. he ended up calling over a supervisor, and after some more arguing i eventually i got kicked out of the store because i wanted to buy an item. he is currently not willing to speak to me right now. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
yesterday, i went to target to buy some clothes for myself. there was one item that i was looking for, but could not find. since my 18 year old son works there, i figured that it would be okay to look in one of the back rooms that was open. incidentally, i ran into him while i was there, and he was pushing a cart that happened to have the item that i was looking for. so i went ahead and grabbed it, but when he saw me he yelled at me and demanded that i put it back and get out of the back room. i refused, because he wasn't there to shop, and these items are for people who shop there. he then started to throw a giant tantrum, saying that it was for some order. i asked him who it was for, and he couldn't tell me. he ended up calling over a supervisor, and after some more arguing i eventually i got kicked out of the store because i wanted to buy an item. he is currently not willing to speak to me right now. aita? [/INST] yta. back rooms are for staff only and you potentially jeopardised his job with your entitlement. </s>
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AITA for telling my friend I didn’t appreciate paying for a $200 meal at her husband’s birthday party?
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my friend invited my husband and me to a 40th birthday party for her husband. the party was going to be at a fairly upscale restaurant with dancing afterwards. we’ve been working on some remodeling projects, so we’ve been on a strict budget. my husband and i wanted to attend the party without breaking the bank, so we decided to share an appetizer and entree and only have one drink apiece.
when we got to the party, we were ushered into a private party room. when we were seated, we were given preplanned menus with several options for appetizers, entrees, and desserts. i asked a passing waiter if i could order a la carte instead of getting the preplanned menu. the waiter indicated that the meal was being paid for by the hosts and because were were part of the party, we needed to order form the preplanned menu.
my friend is a bit wealthier than we are and has always been really generous about their parties, but i was blown away that they would host 15+ people at this restaurant.
as the meal was ending, the main server approached my friend’s husband with the check. my friend’s husband seemed to be a little upset, and said, “i know this isn’t how you normally do things but we are only paying for the wine. we told you that.” i suddenly started panicking inside. i was trying to catch someone else’s eye to see if they were panicking as much as i was. one other couple looked horrified, but everyone else seemed calm. i opened the check, and the total was $211. i thought i was going to throw up. i have never spent that much on a meal.
i held my shit together because i didn’t want to make a scene. the couple that looked horrified sidled over to us and we asked if they knew how much it was going to cost and that our friend wasn’t paying. they said they had asked waiter too, and he had indicated the hosts were paying.
i ended up messaging her and said, “thanks so much for inviting us to \*\*\*’s party. we had a great time. just a heads up for next time, we really need to know if going to a party is going to cost more than $100. we are on a really tight budget, so a heads up would be appreciated. thanks again.”
my friend said, “sorry! should have given you a heads up. glad you came.” and we haven’t spoken or hung out since. i’ve tried to set up coffee dates and girl’s nights but she just bails or never responds. it’s been almost 3 months, and she doesn’t seem to want to talk to me at all.
| 18,330 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ashfts/aita_for_telling_my_friend_i_didnt_appreciate/
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2019-02-20 00:16:36
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nta - wow, she is terrible. clearly everyone else at the party was shocked too. yikes.
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nta. big yikes on her part; she definitely should’ve informed everyone that they weren’t covering meals for everyone beforehand. not to mention having preplanned menus? just...why?
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nta, your friend has absolutely no reason to be mad at you; it's either her fault or the fault of the staff at the restaurant that people weren't correctly informed about what they'd be paying for. either way, it's not on you. plus, you weren't rude about this or anything.
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nah / the restaurant is the asshole.
you missed the boat here. you paid the restaurant, and you shouldn't have. at least two separate couples were told by restaurant staff that the hosting couple was paying. you should have taken this up with the restaurant management before you paid. they needed to make some consideration for their mistake.
one could also argue that one of the four of you should have checked with the hosting couple before believing the staff, but it's still primarily on the restaurant.
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soooo nta.
i’m absolutely boiling in anger about this. this is so classless. how absolutely inconsiderate of the hosts. as a fully functioning adult, when you invite people to a party at a restaurant it’s imperative to either set a price limit for guests with proper communication to both the guests and the restaurant beforehand, and then the hosts cover the rest of the tab, or go to an informal dinner where people can get their own checks/make their own price points, or pay for the entire thing yourself. this was basically a bait and switch.. and an expensive one. i hope that that woman is bailing on things and avoiding you because she’s so damn embarrassed rather than thinking you were an asshole.
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nta. dude i’d warn people if they were paying their own way at fucking applebee’s. no way that’s kosher to spring a bill like that on people.
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nta - sounds as if their privilege blinded them from remembering their manners.
it was totally appropriate for you to bring this up. the way you did so was pretty gentle, too. you didn't make a scene, you thanked them for the invitation, you told them in a direct but friendly manner.
sounds as if your friend is feeling really embarrassed. maybe others had also talked to them and now they aren't sure how to backtrack their faux pas?
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nta
i wonder if your friend is avoiding you because she's embarrassed over what happened, rather than mad about your message. while what happened sucked, she may also feel bad about everything and unsure about how to approach you moving forward. it might be good to get in touch and have a "clear the air" conversation.
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nta. the host broke so many standard etiquette rules. if you plan a party, the expectation given to the guests is that the food and drink will be paid for, unless clearly specified ahead of time, in which case an idea of price should be given for planning purposes (and allow guests to decline if it is out of their budget). i feel bad for you and all the other guests for having those sprung on them at the end of the evening. really ruins the party and the memory of it. at least you know to politely decline a party planned by her next time. hopefully you can make up the difference in your budget by eating frozen veggies and rice the rest of the week. good luck!
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nta
i almost want to say nah but it sounds like she had some idea that people were under the impression that she was paying. the fact that shes been avoiding you makes me feel torn. either this is a result of her realizing that she messed up and doesn't want to deal with the confrontation (maybe the other couples messaged her too) or she honestly didn't realize that you didn't know you'd be paying and now feels very guilty.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000375 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my friend invited my husband and me to a 40th birthday party for her husband. the party was going to be at a fairly upscale restaurant with dancing afterwards. we’ve been working on some remodeling projects, so we’ve been on a strict budget. my husband and i wanted to attend the party without breaking the bank, so we decided to share an appetizer and entree and only have one drink apiece. when we got to the party, we were ushered into a private party room. when we were seated, we were given preplanned menus with several options for appetizers, entrees, and desserts. i asked a passing waiter if i could order a la carte instead of getting the preplanned menu. the waiter indicated that the meal was being paid for by the hosts and because were were part of the party, we needed to order form the preplanned menu. my friend is a bit wealthier than we are and has always been really generous about their parties, but i was blown away that they would host 15+ people at this restaurant. as the meal was ending, the main server approached my friend’s husband with the check. my friend’s husband seemed to be a little upset, and said, “i know this isn’t how you normally do things but we are only paying for the wine. we told you that.” i suddenly started panicking inside. i was trying to catch someone else’s eye to see if they were panicking as much as i was. one other couple looked horrified, but everyone else seemed calm. i opened the check, and the total was $211. i thought i was going to throw up. i have never spent that much on a meal. i held my shit together because i didn’t want to make a scene. the couple that looked horrified sidled over to us and we asked if they knew how much it was going to cost and that our friend wasn’t paying. they said they had asked waiter too, and he had indicated the hosts were paying. i ended up messaging her and said, “thanks so much for inviting us to \*\*\*’s party. we had a great time. just a heads up for next time, we really need to know if going to a party is going to cost more than $100. we are on a really tight budget, so a heads up would be appreciated. thanks again.” my friend said, “sorry! should have given you a heads up. glad you came.” and we haven’t spoken or hung out since. i’ve tried to set up coffee dates and girl’s nights but she just bails or never responds. it’s been almost 3 months, and she doesn’t seem to want to talk to me at all.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my friend invited my husband and me to a 40th birthday party for her husband. the party was going to be at a fairly upscale restaurant with dancing afterwards. we’ve been working on some remodeling projects, so we’ve been on a strict budget. my husband and i wanted to attend the party without breaking the bank, so we decided to share an appetizer and entree and only have one drink apiece. when we got to the party, we were ushered into a private party room. when we were seated, we were given preplanned menus with several options for appetizers, entrees, and desserts. i asked a passing waiter if i could order a la carte instead of getting the preplanned menu. the waiter indicated that the meal was being paid for by the hosts and because were were part of the party, we needed to order form the preplanned menu. my friend is a bit wealthier than we are and has always been really generous about their parties, but i was blown away that they would host 15+ people at this restaurant. as the meal was ending, the main server approached my friend’s husband with the check. my friend’s husband seemed to be a little upset, and said, “i know this isn’t how you normally do things but we are only paying for the wine. we told you that.” i suddenly started panicking inside. i was trying to catch someone else’s eye to see if they were panicking as much as i was. one other couple looked horrified, but everyone else seemed calm. i opened the check, and the total was $211. i thought i was going to throw up. i have never spent that much on a meal. i held my shit together because i didn’t want to make a scene. the couple that looked horrified sidled over to us and we asked if they knew how much it was going to cost and that our friend wasn’t paying. they said they had asked waiter too, and he had indicated the hosts were paying. i ended up messaging her and said, “thanks so much for inviting us to \*\*\*’s party. we had a great time. just a heads up for next time, we really need to know if going to a party is going to cost more than $100. we are on a really tight budget, so a heads up would be appreciated. thanks again.” my friend said, “sorry! should have given you a heads up. glad you came.” and we haven’t spoken or hung out since. i’ve tried to set up coffee dates and girl’s nights but she just bails or never responds. it’s been almost 3 months, and she doesn’t seem to want to talk to me at all. [/INST] nta - wow, she is terrible. clearly everyone else at the party was shocked too. yikes. </s>
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AITA for refusing to visit my dad after my room was converted to an office/bedroom?
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i used to visit my dad most weekends and all of summer.
he recently got remarried to someone i actually have a decent relationship with. i also have two stepbrothers who are younger and who i don't really interact with.
my dad has a four bedroom house. so all the kids have a bedroom.
when i went to visit last month, i was "surprised" with a renovated room. and by renovated i mean it was converted to an office with a couch that pulls out to a bed. it did look nice i suppose.
apparently my stepmother works from home and needed an office.
i didn't cry or throw a tantrum. i slept in the room that weekend and have refused to stay the night since.
i was really hurt and felt like i didn't matter. my mom tried to convince me to go back but gave up after i told her i was old enough to decide.
my dad is stressing out and has apologized and said he'll change the room back but honestly, i'm done. this was the final thing that sealed the deal for me. i told him that as well. i told him i'll come for day visits and we can have dinners but i won't be staying overnight anymore.
was i the asshole? he did cry and i feel really shitty about it.
| 30,265 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e52dls/aita_for_refusing_to_visit_my_dad_after_my_room/
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2019-12-02 17:34:45
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nta. this is why one has to be so careful when blending families. to go from having a room to being made to feel like a guest hurts. there should have been some conversation before any renovations happened. give your dad a chance though. he knows he messed up and does want to fix it
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nta i don’t understand how at 15 years old you’re expected to be okay with a pullout couch when you stay with your dad 3/4 weekends a month and all summer.... like damn.
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nta
i can’t believe they tried to sell taking away your bed and giving you a pull out couch as a positive “surprise.” if there is anything your dad can do that would make you feel welcome and want to stay there again, it would be nice of you to share that with him, but you don’t have to.
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[removed]
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nta this is classic 'let me make a second family because i fucked up my first one and pretend everything is business as usual' bs... also a lot of custody agreements require the child to have their own bedroom and at 15 you're still a child.
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info: how old are you?
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nta, how did stepmom and dad think it was going to work out when you are there half the time. had they talked to you prior and came up with a solution it would be different. they effectively kicked you out, and are treating you like a guest and not part of the family.
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oh hell to the no. nta you deserve your own room just as much as anyone else. even if you arent there all the time. and your stepmom can go shove it. she can have an office in her bedroom or convert some other part of the house.
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nta. you shouldn't be made to feel like a *guest* at your dad's house. that's your house, too, even if you don't live there full time. when it comes to custody agreements, you should have a dedicated bedroom in both homes. it's messed up and your dad should absolutely change it back. your stepmother's need for an office doesn't supercede your need for a private space. what were they going to do when you were living there all summer???
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nta.
you're only fourteen, but you handled this with more tact and patience than most adults have. your father and stepmother didn't deserve that, but i want to personally commend you on your restraint.
your pain is justified. though your father seems to have expressed ~~genuine~~ remorse and has promised to give you a room in his house again, there's no simple way to repair the damage he's done to your relationship. taking away your room ostracized you from a family unit you may already feel it's difficult to fit into, and ultimately conveyed priority for his other family over you. your wording also makes me believe this isn't the first instance in which he's acted without your best interest in mind.
in the meantime, i would express thankfulness to your mother for caring so much about your relationship with your father, but ask that you be given the freedom to decide how, and if, you want him involved in your life. deciding to keep him at arms length and keeping your expectations low is a fair response to his careless and thoughtless actions until he's committed to your relationship with him.
i'm sorry you had to be the adult in that situation.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
|
INFO
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
|
NTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i used to visit my dad most weekends and all of summer. he recently got remarried to someone i actually have a decent relationship with. i also have two stepbrothers who are younger and who i don't really interact with. my dad has a four bedroom house. so all the kids have a bedroom. when i went to visit last month, i was "surprised" with a renovated room. and by renovated i mean it was converted to an office with a couch that pulls out to a bed. it did look nice i suppose. apparently my stepmother works from home and needed an office. i didn't cry or throw a tantrum. i slept in the room that weekend and have refused to stay the night since. i was really hurt and felt like i didn't matter. my mom tried to convince me to go back but gave up after i told her i was old enough to decide. my dad is stressing out and has apologized and said he'll change the room back but honestly, i'm done. this was the final thing that sealed the deal for me. i told him that as well. i told him i'll come for day visits and we can have dinners but i won't be staying overnight anymore. was i the asshole? he did cry and i feel really shitty about it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i used to visit my dad most weekends and all of summer. he recently got remarried to someone i actually have a decent relationship with. i also have two stepbrothers who are younger and who i don't really interact with. my dad has a four bedroom house. so all the kids have a bedroom. when i went to visit last month, i was "surprised" with a renovated room. and by renovated i mean it was converted to an office with a couch that pulls out to a bed. it did look nice i suppose. apparently my stepmother works from home and needed an office. i didn't cry or throw a tantrum. i slept in the room that weekend and have refused to stay the night since. i was really hurt and felt like i didn't matter. my mom tried to convince me to go back but gave up after i told her i was old enough to decide. my dad is stressing out and has apologized and said he'll change the room back but honestly, i'm done. this was the final thing that sealed the deal for me. i told him that as well. i told him i'll come for day visits and we can have dinners but i won't be staying overnight anymore. was i the asshole? he did cry and i feel really shitty about it. [/INST] nta. this is why one has to be so careful when blending families. to go from having a room to being made to feel like a guest hurts. there should have been some conversation before any renovations happened. give your dad a chance though. he knows he messed up and does want to fix it </s>
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AITA for calling my Mother-in-law a “racist b**ch”
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i 32 female (black) am married to my husband 34 male (white) we’ve been married for 6 years. my mil let’s call her lisa has always made sly comments about me that i’ve tried to ignore over the years at one point she called my hair “nappy” suggested i relax it which i shut down immediately. at one point she made a comment about an asian cashiers eyes and justified it by saying “my daughter-in-law is black, how can i be racist” when i was pregnant she kept mentioning how she wanted our daughter to have my husbands blue eyes when my daughter was born she had brown eyes, lisa did not even try to hide her disappointment, my son was born with hazel eyes and his hair is also tighter than his sister’s she made a sly comment saying “you can’t have the best of everything” insinuating that my daughter was blessed to have lighter skin and looser hair and my son was blessed to have “pretty” eyes. i’ve bought my concerns up with my husband and he just brushed it over and told me that she’s “a product of her time” a week ago my husband and i were holding a party to celebrate our 6 year anniversary and naturally lisa was invited, she asked if who could invite her friends and i agreed after all if would have been a bit boring for a 56 year old woman to engage in conversations with a bunch of 30 something year olds. anyways when her friends showed up she introduced me as her “black daughter-in-law” which made me uncomfortable so i pulled her to the side and told her i didn’t want to be addressed as such she shrugged me off and said “you’re my daughter in law and your black, you people are so sensitive” in that moment all the pent of anger i had towards her came flowing out i don’t remember exactly what i said but i remembered calling her a “racist bitch” she walked away from me and went into my kitchen and started to cry naturally everyone went to see what all the commotion was about. she told them i was an “evil woman who was trying to ruin her relationship with her son and grandchildren and told them that i called her a racist bitch” everyone at the party became very hostile towards me and told me i went too far. that night my husband and i got into a huge fight and he told me i needed to apologize to his mother when i told him i would never apologize to her unless i received an apology he lashed out at me and went to stay at his mom’s house. am i the asshole?
| 19,097 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/td8xu9/aita_for_calling_my_motherinlaw_a_racist_bch/
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2022-03-13 15:12:44
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nta. we don't apologise to racists.
but it's very concerning that your husband doesn't see this.
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jesus christ.
nta. your mil is definitely a racist asshole.
however, the biggest asshole here is your husband. he is spineless and happy to watch you endure blatant racism while he excuses it with the ineffective "she is a product of her time" trope. he absolutely needs to stand up for you.
girl, you deserve so much better. if you don't act quickly and decisively, her racism will extend to your children.
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holy shit are you nta! at all! and *please* set things straight with your husband... a product of her time? she's 56, not 96.
i'm enraged for you. never apologize to racists unless it's to say "i'm sorry you're a fucking racist."
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maybe start introducing her matter-of-factly as your racist mother-in-law.
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> i’ve bought my concerns up with my husband and he just brushed it over and told me that she’s “a product of her time”
&#x200b;
she is 56 years old. she was born in or around 1966. "racism is bad, actually" was not a new concept in the 60's. it had actually been around for quite a while! people of colour were pretty damn vocal about their human rights in that time period. and while the majority of whites may have been racist back then, it wasn't all, by any means. by the time she was eighteen and making her own way in the world, it was the 80's. again, "racism bad" was a pretty common concept, not some obscure notion circulating on the fringes of society. and if she somehow managed to miss it, she's had several decades since then to catch up. she's not a "product of her time", she's just racist and happy to continue to be racist. you were absolutely right to call her out.
&#x200b;
nta.
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she also made a comment on facebook yesterday basically insinuating that her son married an “angry black woman”but she worded it has “my daughter in law is a very condescending and angry woman may god guide and bless her soul”
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didn’t even read it, if she’s being a racist b word that’s her problem. nta.
okay but now after reading…i have a lot of words to say about your incredibly weak husband but all i’ll say is take your black children away from these people before they destroy their sense of self.
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ah. the im-a-racist tagline. “but i know a black person so i cant be racist”. and a “product of her time”? when what she born? 1860?
she is racist b****. good for you on calling her ass out on it. nta.
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she's racist but your husband is an even bigger issue. "she's a product of her time"? she's 56, not 106. your husband not having your back is not okay.
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you are absolutely nta. the "product of their time" defense is old, tired, and a bunch of bullshit. racists are racists because that's who they want to be, and their enablers are their enablers because they care more about who they are enabling than the people they should be defending; in this case your husband, enabling his mommy instead of defending you and your children. take them, get that divorce, and never look back.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i 32 female (black) am married to my husband 34 male (white) we’ve been married for 6 years. my mil let’s call her lisa has always made sly comments about me that i’ve tried to ignore over the years at one point she called my hair “nappy” suggested i relax it which i shut down immediately. at one point she made a comment about an asian cashiers eyes and justified it by saying “my daughter-in-law is black, how can i be racist” when i was pregnant she kept mentioning how she wanted our daughter to have my husbands blue eyes when my daughter was born she had brown eyes, lisa did not even try to hide her disappointment, my son was born with hazel eyes and his hair is also tighter than his sister’s she made a sly comment saying “you can’t have the best of everything” insinuating that my daughter was blessed to have lighter skin and looser hair and my son was blessed to have “pretty” eyes. i’ve bought my concerns up with my husband and he just brushed it over and told me that she’s “a product of her time” a week ago my husband and i were holding a party to celebrate our 6 year anniversary and naturally lisa was invited, she asked if who could invite her friends and i agreed after all if would have been a bit boring for a 56 year old woman to engage in conversations with a bunch of 30 something year olds. anyways when her friends showed up she introduced me as her “black daughter-in-law” which made me uncomfortable so i pulled her to the side and told her i didn’t want to be addressed as such she shrugged me off and said “you’re my daughter in law and your black, you people are so sensitive” in that moment all the pent of anger i had towards her came flowing out i don’t remember exactly what i said but i remembered calling her a “racist bitch” she walked away from me and went into my kitchen and started to cry naturally everyone went to see what all the commotion was about. she told them i was an “evil woman who was trying to ruin her relationship with her son and grandchildren and told them that i called her a racist bitch” everyone at the party became very hostile towards me and told me i went too far. that night my husband and i got into a huge fight and he told me i needed to apologize to his mother when i told him i would never apologize to her unless i received an apology he lashed out at me and went to stay at his mom’s house. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i 32 female (black) am married to my husband 34 male (white) we’ve been married for 6 years. my mil let’s call her lisa has always made sly comments about me that i’ve tried to ignore over the years at one point she called my hair “nappy” suggested i relax it which i shut down immediately. at one point she made a comment about an asian cashiers eyes and justified it by saying “my daughter-in-law is black, how can i be racist” when i was pregnant she kept mentioning how she wanted our daughter to have my husbands blue eyes when my daughter was born she had brown eyes, lisa did not even try to hide her disappointment, my son was born with hazel eyes and his hair is also tighter than his sister’s she made a sly comment saying “you can’t have the best of everything” insinuating that my daughter was blessed to have lighter skin and looser hair and my son was blessed to have “pretty” eyes. i’ve bought my concerns up with my husband and he just brushed it over and told me that she’s “a product of her time” a week ago my husband and i were holding a party to celebrate our 6 year anniversary and naturally lisa was invited, she asked if who could invite her friends and i agreed after all if would have been a bit boring for a 56 year old woman to engage in conversations with a bunch of 30 something year olds. anyways when her friends showed up she introduced me as her “black daughter-in-law” which made me uncomfortable so i pulled her to the side and told her i didn’t want to be addressed as such she shrugged me off and said “you’re my daughter in law and your black, you people are so sensitive” in that moment all the pent of anger i had towards her came flowing out i don’t remember exactly what i said but i remembered calling her a “racist bitch” she walked away from me and went into my kitchen and started to cry naturally everyone went to see what all the commotion was about. she told them i was an “evil woman who was trying to ruin her relationship with her son and grandchildren and told them that i called her a racist bitch” everyone at the party became very hostile towards me and told me i went too far. that night my husband and i got into a huge fight and he told me i needed to apologize to his mother when i told him i would never apologize to her unless i received an apology he lashed out at me and went to stay at his mom’s house. am i the asshole? [/INST] nta. we don't apologise to racists. but it's very concerning that your husband doesn't see this. </s>
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AITA for expecting my kids to attend all family holidays?
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i (52m) never had a big family unit growing up. my dad bailed when i was a baby and i was just my mom and i after that. i was often jealous of friends who would have big family celebrations. my wife and i have three children alice (27f) jeff (24m) and kevin (22m)—fake names. i always thought my kids would spend all the holidays with us, because i always stressed how important it was to me to have them all home with me.
i did a zoom call with the three yesterday and they broke the news to me that none of them would be coming home for thanksgiving. i got upset and alice interrupted me to remind me that she and jeff worked in fields and that they would sometimes have to work holidays. (she’s a x-ray technician in a hospital and jeff is a dispatcher for 911) and that she was married now and she knew i wanted us all home for every holiday but that just wasn’t realistic. i asked kevin what his excuse was and he said he was going to stay with his girlfriend because she just had surgery and wanted to care for her.
i said they needed to get their priorities straight and they knew it was important to their mother and i that they attend. jeff said that my wife understood and i was the one who constantly tried to guilt trip them into rearranging their lives to make me happy and he hated that i refused to let them live their lives without trying to guilt trip them into doing what i want. alice said it wasn’t up for discussion and i could either accept they wouldn’t always be there or i could celebrate without her from here on out because she was done dealing with me trying to make her feel guilty for having a life. they disconnected after that.
i am very upset, and think i deserve more respect than this, but my wife says it’s unreasonable to think the kids would always come home and just because i wanted something didn’t mean it was going to happen and i needed to stop acting like an asshole to get my way. i don’t think i am, but i’ll put it out here, aita for wanting my children home for holidays?
| 6,783 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k08fnj/aita_for_expecting_my_kids_to_attend_all_family/
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2020-11-24 16:39:31
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yta. first of all, nobody should be traveling right now, period. second of all, your children don't hate you if they don't want to spend a holiday with you -- they're adults with jobs and lives. it sucks but part of being a parent is letting your children grow up sometimes. they're not cutting you off forever.
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yta, so their spouses should never get to see their families for holidays? or when they have their own kids, those kids should get to enjoy some holidays, especially christmas in their own home.
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yes, yta. they are adult children with their own lives. you do not, and cannot, control what they do. guilting them will not work and will absolutely push them farther away. it’s okay to be hurt, but not okay to make them feel guilty for having other priorities.
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yta
>i said they needed to get their priorities straight and they knew it was important to their mother and i that they attend.
your kids are all adults who need to prioritize their lives, and one day, their families - its not always gonna be about you and your wife.
if and when your adult children get married and have families of their own, do you really think you should remain their top priority? will you give them attitude if and when they spend holidays with their so's family instead of you?
you're doubly the asshole for acting like this is about respect. how about you respect the decisions of your adult children?
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yta even if there wasn't a pandemic going on your kids are adults who have other priorities. you are one but come on, 1 is a front line worker during a pandemic and one is taking care of his girlfriend who is recovering from surgery. if you want to see them on the holiday so badly maybe make the effort to go to them. you can't expect them to always be able to come home, it is unreasonable.
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yta
first of all, it’s a pandemic. alice and jeff are probably in the toughest part of their careers right now and are overwhelmed (also, they will have to work holidays, they don’t get the choice). kevin? forcing him to choose you over his recovering gf? you should be supporting them, offering to deliver thanksgiving dinner so he doesn’t have to make it.
sorry i don’t know how to quote things:
“ she was done dealing with me trying to make her feel guilty for having a life. they disconnected after that.“
that tells me that you aren’t making this a welcoming thing for your kids. if they don’t feel welcome/forces to come then they aren't going too.
also, your kids are adults and will likely have significant others who want to spend a holiday with their parents.
grow up. i get the want to be surrounded by your family, but allow your children room to breathe and if they want to they will come home. if they have to work on that holiday find another time when you can celebrate together.
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yta - it's exactly this kind of thing that has lead to me attending no family holidays. the more of this you do, the less your kids want to have anything to do with you. your priorities are yours, not theirs.
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yta, having kids is not a do-over for your own childhood.
how is it that doing what you want is being respectful but you expecting to order them to holidays is reciprocating that respect?
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yta. what priorities are they not getting straight? because it sounds like what they're dealing with right now is important, and that outweighs seeing you. sorry bucko.
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you sound just like my dad. i don't speak to him much anymore. yta
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (52m) never had a big family unit growing up. my dad bailed when i was a baby and i was just my mom and i after that. i was often jealous of friends who would have big family celebrations. my wife and i have three children alice (27f) jeff (24m) and kevin (22m)—fake names. i always thought my kids would spend all the holidays with us, because i always stressed how important it was to me to have them all home with me. i did a zoom call with the three yesterday and they broke the news to me that none of them would be coming home for thanksgiving. i got upset and alice interrupted me to remind me that she and jeff worked in fields and that they would sometimes have to work holidays. (she’s a x-ray technician in a hospital and jeff is a dispatcher for 911) and that she was married now and she knew i wanted us all home for every holiday but that just wasn’t realistic. i asked kevin what his excuse was and he said he was going to stay with his girlfriend because she just had surgery and wanted to care for her. i said they needed to get their priorities straight and they knew it was important to their mother and i that they attend. jeff said that my wife understood and i was the one who constantly tried to guilt trip them into rearranging their lives to make me happy and he hated that i refused to let them live their lives without trying to guilt trip them into doing what i want. alice said it wasn’t up for discussion and i could either accept they wouldn’t always be there or i could celebrate without her from here on out because she was done dealing with me trying to make her feel guilty for having a life. they disconnected after that. i am very upset, and think i deserve more respect than this, but my wife says it’s unreasonable to think the kids would always come home and just because i wanted something didn’t mean it was going to happen and i needed to stop acting like an asshole to get my way. i don’t think i am, but i’ll put it out here, aita for wanting my children home for holidays?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (52m) never had a big family unit growing up. my dad bailed when i was a baby and i was just my mom and i after that. i was often jealous of friends who would have big family celebrations. my wife and i have three children alice (27f) jeff (24m) and kevin (22m)—fake names. i always thought my kids would spend all the holidays with us, because i always stressed how important it was to me to have them all home with me. i did a zoom call with the three yesterday and they broke the news to me that none of them would be coming home for thanksgiving. i got upset and alice interrupted me to remind me that she and jeff worked in fields and that they would sometimes have to work holidays. (she’s a x-ray technician in a hospital and jeff is a dispatcher for 911) and that she was married now and she knew i wanted us all home for every holiday but that just wasn’t realistic. i asked kevin what his excuse was and he said he was going to stay with his girlfriend because she just had surgery and wanted to care for her. i said they needed to get their priorities straight and they knew it was important to their mother and i that they attend. jeff said that my wife understood and i was the one who constantly tried to guilt trip them into rearranging their lives to make me happy and he hated that i refused to let them live their lives without trying to guilt trip them into doing what i want. alice said it wasn’t up for discussion and i could either accept they wouldn’t always be there or i could celebrate without her from here on out because she was done dealing with me trying to make her feel guilty for having a life. they disconnected after that. i am very upset, and think i deserve more respect than this, but my wife says it’s unreasonable to think the kids would always come home and just because i wanted something didn’t mean it was going to happen and i needed to stop acting like an asshole to get my way. i don’t think i am, but i’ll put it out here, aita for wanting my children home for holidays? [/INST] yta. first of all, nobody should be traveling right now, period. second of all, your children don't hate you if they don't want to spend a holiday with you -- they're adults with jobs and lives. it sucks but part of being a parent is letting your children grow up sometimes. they're not cutting you off forever. </s>
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AITA for not stopping the car for my wife to pee even though I told her specifically not to drink too much water?
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we are not native speakers and neither are we located in the us so do forgive any inconsistencies in the language. both me and my wife were planning to visit my mother who lives significantly further away from us, it is a 5 hour drive. before the drive i told my wife to not chug water because we can't be stopping every 2 minutes for her to find a place to pee.
she pretended to heed my request and then fooled me by bringing an extra large bottle of berry juice. then she said that she would be able to control it , and in return i told her if she wanted to pee i wouldn't be stopping and she agreed.
guess what 1 hr into the drive she already feels like peeing, the thing is we are in mid traffic and it would be hard to find a place.plus, if we constantly made stops we wouldnt be able to get to my mother's house even by the evening.the traffic congestion is really bad over here. i roll my eyes and tell her this is exactly why i told her not to drink too much.
then she goes on to ask if she can switch to the backseat and pee into a spare bottle. i thought that was absolutely disgusting because it obviously will spill and i told her straightforwardly that she cant do it in my car.
she then gets all pouty and mad and pretends to hug her a stomach and exaggerate to fake bladder pain. i eventually did find a place but only another 1.5 hrs later. she was super angry and told me i was "endagering her" , but at least for the rest of the ride she learned her lesson and did not chug too much juice as before.
she came in to visit my mother red faced so when my mother asked and she explained , my mother pulled me aside and told me i was being an ah and i should have helped her instead of being rude. i told her that i already advised my wife before but she was too stubborn to listen and defied i told her. i also thought it was unhygienic to let her pee in my car.since this is still quite conflicting because i can't come to a consensus i don't know if i'm in the wrong or she is.
***edit***: ***it's not that i didn't want to take breaks we were planning to stop every 2 hours as opposed to again and again multiple times just so she could pee. no, i do not police her pee or whatever. with our congestion it is difficult to keep turning and making detours, we also weren't planning yo stay and wanted to return home before midnight. if we keep making stops how is that possible?***
| 6,270 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vcs8aq/aita_for_not_stopping_the_car_for_my_wife_to_pee/
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2022-06-15 11:21:32
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yta totally from the title of the post. i read it for confirmation. i was not wrong. i can't think how the 20-25 minutes you saved by not stopping two or three times were really so important as to humiliate the woman you theoretically love.
besides:
>but at least for the rest of the ride she learned her lesson
>she cant do it in my car.
learned a lesson? forbidding to do things in your car? is she a dog? boy, you're not only ta for not stopping, you're simply an ah and a crappy husband. full stop.
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yta for your weird notion your spouse deserves punishment for not listening to you.
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[removed]
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yta. why does it feel like you're talking about your wife as if she's a child?
and why would it be such an issue to stop twice during a 5h car ride? do they not have gas stations along the way? it can't be all congested during all 5h.
most of all, i'm confused as to why you're so against hydration.
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i have a big tendency to develop utis. one of the things that made me stop having them so much was drinking a lot of water. one of the things i hated the most about car drives were people (usually men) pestering me about not drinking a lot of water because they didn't want to stop 10 minutes in the next gas station to let my bladder function properly. so i wouldn't drink as much water as i needed and then bam, uti a couple of days later.
the fact that your wife held her stomach and complained of pain and you thought she was faking is disgusting. yta
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yta
what kind of husband doesn’t stop a car to let his wife pee?
jesus, i can’t imagine treating my wife this way.
you seem to think you’re the one in charge of everything in this relationship. you’re controlling and you are punishing her because she didn’t listen to you. again, who does that to the person they’re supposed to care about?
i’m glad your mom called you out, but i think it’s too late for any of her lessons to sink in
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yta
even your mom thinks so.
your edit doesn’t help you. you’re still wrong
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you gotta love how un-selfaware some people are.
>no, i do not police her pee
in bold and all caps, right after making a post about policing her pee!
and tries to justify it with
>we were planning to stop every 2 hours
but, if you do the math, he made her wait 2 1/2 hours.
if it would've been me, i would've peed on the seat.
so yeah, you sir, are a huge asshole. even your mother knows it.
yta
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yta. making your wife or anyone in general hold their pee is extremely dangerous & can cause numerous medical problems. yeah i can see not wanting her to pee in a bottle in the backseat but just refusing to stop out of principal because you’re right was a dick & ah move. people get thirsty so they drink & will then need to use the restroom.
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yta. forcing your wife to hold her bladder for an hour and a half is an abuse tactic. also, research shows that getting in a car accident with a full bladder can cause it to explode. so you actually were risking her death
https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/001063.htm link to cite sources ^
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: we are not native speakers and neither are we located in the us so do forgive any inconsistencies in the language. both me and my wife were planning to visit my mother who lives significantly further away from us, it is a 5 hour drive. before the drive i told my wife to not chug water because we can't be stopping every 2 minutes for her to find a place to pee. she pretended to heed my request and then fooled me by bringing an extra large bottle of berry juice. then she said that she would be able to control it , and in return i told her if she wanted to pee i wouldn't be stopping and she agreed. guess what 1 hr into the drive she already feels like peeing, the thing is we are in mid traffic and it would be hard to find a place.plus, if we constantly made stops we wouldnt be able to get to my mother's house even by the evening.the traffic congestion is really bad over here. i roll my eyes and tell her this is exactly why i told her not to drink too much. then she goes on to ask if she can switch to the backseat and pee into a spare bottle. i thought that was absolutely disgusting because it obviously will spill and i told her straightforwardly that she cant do it in my car. she then gets all pouty and mad and pretends to hug her a stomach and exaggerate to fake bladder pain. i eventually did find a place but only another 1.5 hrs later. she was super angry and told me i was "endagering her" , but at least for the rest of the ride she learned her lesson and did not chug too much juice as before. she came in to visit my mother red faced so when my mother asked and she explained , my mother pulled me aside and told me i was being an ah and i should have helped her instead of being rude. i told her that i already advised my wife before but she was too stubborn to listen and defied i told her. i also thought it was unhygienic to let her pee in my car.since this is still quite conflicting because i can't come to a consensus i don't know if i'm in the wrong or she is. ***edit***: ***it's not that i didn't want to take breaks we were planning to stop every 2 hours as opposed to again and again multiple times just so she could pee. no, i do not police her pee or whatever. with our congestion it is difficult to keep turning and making detours, we also weren't planning yo stay and wanted to return home before midnight. if we keep making stops how is that possible?***
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
we are not native speakers and neither are we located in the us so do forgive any inconsistencies in the language. both me and my wife were planning to visit my mother who lives significantly further away from us, it is a 5 hour drive. before the drive i told my wife to not chug water because we can't be stopping every 2 minutes for her to find a place to pee. she pretended to heed my request and then fooled me by bringing an extra large bottle of berry juice. then she said that she would be able to control it , and in return i told her if she wanted to pee i wouldn't be stopping and she agreed. guess what 1 hr into the drive she already feels like peeing, the thing is we are in mid traffic and it would be hard to find a place.plus, if we constantly made stops we wouldnt be able to get to my mother's house even by the evening.the traffic congestion is really bad over here. i roll my eyes and tell her this is exactly why i told her not to drink too much. then she goes on to ask if she can switch to the backseat and pee into a spare bottle. i thought that was absolutely disgusting because it obviously will spill and i told her straightforwardly that she cant do it in my car. she then gets all pouty and mad and pretends to hug her a stomach and exaggerate to fake bladder pain. i eventually did find a place but only another 1.5 hrs later. she was super angry and told me i was "endagering her" , but at least for the rest of the ride she learned her lesson and did not chug too much juice as before. she came in to visit my mother red faced so when my mother asked and she explained , my mother pulled me aside and told me i was being an ah and i should have helped her instead of being rude. i told her that i already advised my wife before but she was too stubborn to listen and defied i told her. i also thought it was unhygienic to let her pee in my car.since this is still quite conflicting because i can't come to a consensus i don't know if i'm in the wrong or she is. ***edit***: ***it's not that i didn't want to take breaks we were planning to stop every 2 hours as opposed to again and again multiple times just so she could pee. no, i do not police her pee or whatever. with our congestion it is difficult to keep turning and making detours, we also weren't planning yo stay and wanted to return home before midnight. if we keep making stops how is that possible?*** [/INST] yta totally from the title of the post. i read it for confirmation. i was not wrong. i can't think how the 20-25 minutes you saved by not stopping two or three times were really so important as to humiliate the woman you theoretically love. besides: >but at least for the rest of the ride she learned her lesson >she cant do it in my car. learned a lesson? forbidding to do things in your car? is she a dog? boy, you're not only ta for not stopping, you're simply an ah and a crappy husband. full stop. </s>
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AITA for telling my sister her situation is different to mine, after my divorce?
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ta account
to start: me (33f) and my family are close knit and somewhat conservative. my sister carol (29f) has a 4 yo daughter, she got pregnant after having a one night stand and decided to keep the baby. she did track the father down but he's not in the picture now. obviously we supported her, but this is far from an ideal situation. i was married and have 3 kids aged 5-9, we divorced recently after i found out about his affair and i have primary custody. i love my kids but it does get overwhelming. today we had a family dinner and carol came with her daughter (she doesn't attend family dinners regularly). we were catching up and i said that i felt really overwhelmed sometimes. she kept saying to stay strong, she knows how it feels and it will get better. now i get that she was trying to help, but it isn't really the same. i told her thanks, but her situation is way different to mine. she knowingly slept with and had a baby with a stranger, and knew the consequences of that. i had a proper family and never imagined it would fall apart like this. she said it's difficult for her too, and i replied that it's not as difficult for her because she knew what she was getting into. carol got mad and avoided me the rest of the time, but i don't think i said anything wrong? aita?
| 3,662 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w5wphc/aita_for_telling_my_sister_her_situation_is/
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2022-07-23 06:12:01
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yta. you just slut-shamed your sister. just because she knew she would be a single parent doesn’t mean she fully realised how hard it would be. and however you both ended up single parents, the fact is that it is hard and it is exactly the same for you both. getting married doesn’t make you a better person or parent.
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yta- you had someone to help raise your kids as new borns. she didn’t she’s been a single mother from the start you haven’t. your kids father is still in the picture. she’s had it hard to. all of us have it hard as mothers. it stressful, overwhelming, suffocating. it’s not a pain game to see who has it worse. she’s trying to be supportive and like your not alone. hell it makes me feel better when other mothers told me they understand what i’m feeling. but your over here slut shaming your sister.
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yta.
difficult is difficult. and unlike you, she doesn't have an ex to take the kids sometimes so that you can take a break.
50% of marriages end in divorce so you getting divorced was a possibility, and you did choose to have 3 kids.
she was trying to be supportive and you were just judgemental and mean.
i'd rather hang out with a single mother who got knocked up by an idiot than a divorcee who thinks she's better than anyone else.
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holy shit, the dad is dead?! so she didn't go into single parenthood knowingly. she went into a co parenting situation and was then forced into single parenthood because he died? like i get you're hurting but to slut shame and throw that in your sister's face makes yta!
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yta
your sister was trying to commiserate about your current situation (single parenting and overwhelmed). you turned it into an opportunity to swipe at her previous choices. why?
it seems like you’re feeling bad that your choice of husband went poorly for you, so you want to convince yourself you still did better than she did. it is not a competition. stop slapping your sister down to build yourself up.
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yta. on a continuum of suffering, everybody loses. meaning that since someone always has it better or worse than you, trying to have a pissing contest about suffering is pointless. your sister was looking to connect with you and you threw it back in her face. and by the way, a person and the baby she chose to have can, in fact, be a "proper family."
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fucking conservatives and their cognitive dissonance
yta by the way
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yta. i can see why your sister doesn't attend family events if she has to face such unnecessary and pathetic judgement.
she was trying to show empathy. you were merely judgemental. also hypocritical if you're going to take some weird moral stance where you see her as better than her just because you persuaded some faithless man down the aisle.
you knew when you got married that divorce is a possible ending to marriage just as having a child is a possible ending to sex. you knew that you might get divorced and become a single parent every time you conceived one of your children. you at least have some reprieve for the work when your ex has the kids. you were unnecessarily cruel when your sister was trying to be kind.
such a weird stance to take.
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yta. 100%. a judgmental, holier than thou one.
i was married for 10 years too, had 2 kids, then separated. i raised my kids 99% of the time after he left. i never imagined myself in that situation.
but i know that i had it way easier than your sister, mostly because there were no judgments from people like you.
conservative people have no sympathy until a situation happens to them, then they're so woe is me.
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you’re 1000% the ah here. honestly i’m surprised she didn’t tell you about yourself. you slut shamed her, so imo, taking shots at you not being able to satisfy your husband would’ve been fair game, and yet she still took the high road and just avoided you. sounds like she’s already had a history of you acting like this towards her, and figured out a coping mechanism for it.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ta account to start: me (33f) and my family are close knit and somewhat conservative. my sister carol (29f) has a 4 yo daughter, she got pregnant after having a one night stand and decided to keep the baby. she did track the father down but he's not in the picture now. obviously we supported her, but this is far from an ideal situation. i was married and have 3 kids aged 5-9, we divorced recently after i found out about his affair and i have primary custody. i love my kids but it does get overwhelming. today we had a family dinner and carol came with her daughter (she doesn't attend family dinners regularly). we were catching up and i said that i felt really overwhelmed sometimes. she kept saying to stay strong, she knows how it feels and it will get better. now i get that she was trying to help, but it isn't really the same. i told her thanks, but her situation is way different to mine. she knowingly slept with and had a baby with a stranger, and knew the consequences of that. i had a proper family and never imagined it would fall apart like this. she said it's difficult for her too, and i replied that it's not as difficult for her because she knew what she was getting into. carol got mad and avoided me the rest of the time, but i don't think i said anything wrong? aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ta account to start: me (33f) and my family are close knit and somewhat conservative. my sister carol (29f) has a 4 yo daughter, she got pregnant after having a one night stand and decided to keep the baby. she did track the father down but he's not in the picture now. obviously we supported her, but this is far from an ideal situation. i was married and have 3 kids aged 5-9, we divorced recently after i found out about his affair and i have primary custody. i love my kids but it does get overwhelming. today we had a family dinner and carol came with her daughter (she doesn't attend family dinners regularly). we were catching up and i said that i felt really overwhelmed sometimes. she kept saying to stay strong, she knows how it feels and it will get better. now i get that she was trying to help, but it isn't really the same. i told her thanks, but her situation is way different to mine. she knowingly slept with and had a baby with a stranger, and knew the consequences of that. i had a proper family and never imagined it would fall apart like this. she said it's difficult for her too, and i replied that it's not as difficult for her because she knew what she was getting into. carol got mad and avoided me the rest of the time, but i don't think i said anything wrong? aita? [/INST] yta. you just slut-shamed your sister. just because she knew she would be a single parent doesn’t mean she fully realised how hard it would be. and however you both ended up single parents, the fact is that it is hard and it is exactly the same for you both. getting married doesn’t make you a better person or parent. </s>
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AITA for telling my my sister that her being just a "gf" and an "actual wife" are actually not the same thing?
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my sister has been dating this guy, josh for around 7 years now with seemingly no intent to get married. my sister is one of those people who believe marriage is a scam and doesn't desire it at all and is fine with being just a gf with her bf.
multiple times me and my parents have tried explaining to her how getting married is not just about wearing a wedding dress and all and that there are legal advantages and perks that she won't be able to have if she's unmarried.
she said there are solutions to that and marriage is not a wish neither for her nor josh.
we are deeply conservative and religious and take marriage seriously, so when i had my wedding few months ago i didn't invite josh because he's not officially tied to my sister. i told her she can have her views on marriage and i can have mine and if she wants me to respect her decisions and views she has to respect mine to and i'm uncomfortable with inviting couples who are neither engaged nor married to my wedding.
she held it against us for all these months, only attended the ceremony and stayed at the reception for half an hour at most and then left. she was basically absent from my wedding.
anyway, couple weeks ago she got into an accident and was hospitalised for few days. the hospital had a strict "close relatives" only policy and basically only my parents could visit my sister as first degree relatives. josh couldn't see her and was mad they wouldn't allow him.
she was out of the hospital soon after with no serious injuries. but i used what happened as an opportunity to teach my sister why her being a "little gf" is way different to being a wife and if her and josh were actually married he wouldn't have to miss out on visiting her in the hospital so his lack of visitation is their fault.
my sister now believes i'm ta for using her accident to teach her a lesson. but i don't believe i am since maybe this could be a wake up call for the both of them.
| 6,891 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/whzaw9/aita_for_telling_my_my_sister_that_her_being_just/
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2022-08-06 21:54:20
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yta - this may well just be a wake up call to get the paperwork they need in order, but that doesn't mean marriage or conforming to your standards.
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yta
you became the asshole the second you started punishing her for her opinion. i have never heard of someone requiring couples at a wedding to be engaged or married, ever, and i'm square in the heart of the bible belt where they teach abstinence in schools with a straight face. you're right that being married offers legal advantages that are important and it's not just about tradition, but excluding her long-time boyfriend from your wedding and lecturing her after a serious accident that put her in the hospital???
you suck, and honestly, you're a case study in how religious conservatives manage to miss the point of christian teaching. you've decided to hurt someone who should be a close friend and partner because she didn't follow the letter of the law as you see it. i'd recommend reading about the pharisees and taking a good long look in the mirror.
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yta on so many levels. her relationship is none of your business and your methods of trying to force them together in marriage might very well end your relationship with her.
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yta. i'm also religious, and marriage is important to me. but that is my personal lifestyle choice, and my personal belief. it only pertains to myself, and my own marriage. i do not force that opinion on anyone else. it is not my place, and their relationships have nothing to do with me. doesn't impact my life at all. worry about your own relationship and stay out of other peoples. and yes, using an emergency situation to shove your ideals down someone's throat is absolutely ah behavior. hands down.
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yta. yta! yta!
so many ah moments here.
you having your views are one thing, but pushing them on others is horrible.
you seem surprised that your sister didn't stay long at your wedding....you did not invite her boyfriend of **7** years.
since you are super religious, i am assuming you only pick the parts of the bible you want to relate to and use that as your excuse for bad behavior.
what would you do if they have a child? condemn the babe for being born out of wedlock?
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info: was this the hospitals policy, or did you and family do more to prevent this man from seeing her?
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yta.
it’s your sister’s life and relationship, not yours. she can do whatever she wants.
it was also rude of you to use her accident to ‘teach her a lesson’. she was already hurt and you didn’t help at all
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yta.
i'd write a longer comment on why, specifically, but i don't think it would do any good. i feel sorry for your sister.
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yta
a huge one.
are you honestly surprised she was absent from your wedding when you behaved so high and mighty looking down from that fine looking high horse on the status of their relationship? finishing off by taking another opportunity to take a swipe with a side serving of "i told you so"
you sound very spiteful.
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yta i hope your sister never speaks to you again.
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sister has been dating this guy, josh for around 7 years now with seemingly no intent to get married. my sister is one of those people who believe marriage is a scam and doesn't desire it at all and is fine with being just a gf with her bf. multiple times me and my parents have tried explaining to her how getting married is not just about wearing a wedding dress and all and that there are legal advantages and perks that she won't be able to have if she's unmarried. she said there are solutions to that and marriage is not a wish neither for her nor josh. we are deeply conservative and religious and take marriage seriously, so when i had my wedding few months ago i didn't invite josh because he's not officially tied to my sister. i told her she can have her views on marriage and i can have mine and if she wants me to respect her decisions and views she has to respect mine to and i'm uncomfortable with inviting couples who are neither engaged nor married to my wedding. she held it against us for all these months, only attended the ceremony and stayed at the reception for half an hour at most and then left. she was basically absent from my wedding. anyway, couple weeks ago she got into an accident and was hospitalised for few days. the hospital had a strict "close relatives" only policy and basically only my parents could visit my sister as first degree relatives. josh couldn't see her and was mad they wouldn't allow him. she was out of the hospital soon after with no serious injuries. but i used what happened as an opportunity to teach my sister why her being a "little gf" is way different to being a wife and if her and josh were actually married he wouldn't have to miss out on visiting her in the hospital so his lack of visitation is their fault. my sister now believes i'm ta for using her accident to teach her a lesson. but i don't believe i am since maybe this could be a wake up call for the both of them.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sister has been dating this guy, josh for around 7 years now with seemingly no intent to get married. my sister is one of those people who believe marriage is a scam and doesn't desire it at all and is fine with being just a gf with her bf. multiple times me and my parents have tried explaining to her how getting married is not just about wearing a wedding dress and all and that there are legal advantages and perks that she won't be able to have if she's unmarried. she said there are solutions to that and marriage is not a wish neither for her nor josh. we are deeply conservative and religious and take marriage seriously, so when i had my wedding few months ago i didn't invite josh because he's not officially tied to my sister. i told her she can have her views on marriage and i can have mine and if she wants me to respect her decisions and views she has to respect mine to and i'm uncomfortable with inviting couples who are neither engaged nor married to my wedding. she held it against us for all these months, only attended the ceremony and stayed at the reception for half an hour at most and then left. she was basically absent from my wedding. anyway, couple weeks ago she got into an accident and was hospitalised for few days. the hospital had a strict "close relatives" only policy and basically only my parents could visit my sister as first degree relatives. josh couldn't see her and was mad they wouldn't allow him. she was out of the hospital soon after with no serious injuries. but i used what happened as an opportunity to teach my sister why her being a "little gf" is way different to being a wife and if her and josh were actually married he wouldn't have to miss out on visiting her in the hospital so his lack of visitation is their fault. my sister now believes i'm ta for using her accident to teach her a lesson. but i don't believe i am since maybe this could be a wake up call for the both of them. [/INST] yta - this may well just be a wake up call to get the paperwork they need in order, but that doesn't mean marriage or conforming to your standards. </s>
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AITA for kicking my friend out of my bedroom so my wife could take a nap?
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throw away account. so, i 28m have a wife 27f who works full time as a cna while she is in school to become a an autopsy technician. she works a lot. she is constantly picking up extra shifts working doubles and even triples. she does all that on top of going to school full time. because of that she often takes a nap after work. well yesterday, i had a friend over who i will call e. my wife and e do not get along as e makes her uncomfortable but she and i don’t prevent one and other from seeing friends just because one of us doesn’t like the others friend. e was over at mine and my wife’s house playing video games when my wife calls to tell me she’s on her way home from work. she sounds exhausted and i asked her if she felt ok to drive and if not i’d come pick her up from work and go back together the car later. she says she’s fine to drive and that she’ll see me later. i said ok and told her i loved her. e and i go back to playing video games. it is worth mentioning that the only tv my wife and i have is in our bedroom. i was laying on the bed playing and e was sitting in my desk chair. about 15 minutes or so later i hear my wife come in the house and call out to let me know she was home. i come into the living room and give her a kiss. she all but collapses into my arms exhausted to the point she couldn’t even walk to the bedroom. i ask her if she’s ok and she says is yea just a long day at work. i really need a nap. i nodded and told her to come lay down in the bed. when we get to the bedroom i politely tell e that he needed to leave as my wife was exhausted and we could play later that night. e asks why he needs to leave and why my wife can’t just sleep while he and i keep playing. i explained that it was just a game and that my wife and her needs came first. e then asks why my wife couldn’t just take a nap on our living room couch. i told him i wasn’t making her sleep on the sofa just because he wanted to keep playing. e gets pissed and slammed his controller down on the dresser and goes to leave. before he does, he turns to my wife and tells her i’ll bet your happy he always feels like he has to pick you over anyone else. he leaves and slams the door on the way out. my wife turns to me and starts to apologize saying she could have just slept on the couch. i tell her no she couldn’t have and tell her to get some rest. later that night my other friends are blowing up my phone saying things along the lines of bros before hoes and saying it was rude to kick e out just so my wife could sleep. all of my married friends however are on my side saying my wife’s needs come first before my friends. e is now saying he won’t speak to me until i apologize. so am i the asshole?
| 20,651 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u4r55j/aita_for_kicking_my_friend_out_of_my_bedroom_so/
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2022-04-16 05:48:01
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nta, but you need to get better friends. they sound awful!
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nta. bros before hos? she's your wife. not just some chick you're sleeping with. fuck that guy.
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nta but why are you still friends with him? making somebody uncomfortable and not liking someone are two entirely different things. his reaction to you saying your wife comes first tells you everything you need to know about what type of friend he is. (the kind you stop being friends with)
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nta because your wife needing to sleep is so much more important than playing video games. however, you need to reevaluate some of the friendships you have and ask yourself if you're comfortable with them disrespecting your wife.
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nta - are you friends with a bunch of 16-year-olds? of course you're not the asshole and your friend needs to grow up.
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get rid of anyone that blew up your phone in the "bros before hoes" mentality.
please continue being a good husband/partner. being any sort of healthcare worker right now is exhausting.
nta
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nta - you also need to get rid of this friend. that's just toxic.
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[removed]
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nta.
why do you want to be friends with someone who is so happy to disrespect your marriage?
so e isn't speaking to you. so what? is acting entitled to your time, home and console the sign of a good friend? because i don't think so.
he'd be thrilled if you ruined your marriage by neglecting your wife's needs. that's not the sign of a good friend either.
of course your wife is never going to say "don't be friends with that person" but i think you should take a step back and ask yourself what you believe constitutes a good friend. there's every chance you may find e just doesn't meet those expectations.
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there's no way i would be friends with someone who called my wife a hoe. wtf? fuck that dude
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throw away account. so, i 28m have a wife 27f who works full time as a cna while she is in school to become a an autopsy technician. she works a lot. she is constantly picking up extra shifts working doubles and even triples. she does all that on top of going to school full time. because of that she often takes a nap after work. well yesterday, i had a friend over who i will call e. my wife and e do not get along as e makes her uncomfortable but she and i don’t prevent one and other from seeing friends just because one of us doesn’t like the others friend. e was over at mine and my wife’s house playing video games when my wife calls to tell me she’s on her way home from work. she sounds exhausted and i asked her if she felt ok to drive and if not i’d come pick her up from work and go back together the car later. she says she’s fine to drive and that she’ll see me later. i said ok and told her i loved her. e and i go back to playing video games. it is worth mentioning that the only tv my wife and i have is in our bedroom. i was laying on the bed playing and e was sitting in my desk chair. about 15 minutes or so later i hear my wife come in the house and call out to let me know she was home. i come into the living room and give her a kiss. she all but collapses into my arms exhausted to the point she couldn’t even walk to the bedroom. i ask her if she’s ok and she says is yea just a long day at work. i really need a nap. i nodded and told her to come lay down in the bed. when we get to the bedroom i politely tell e that he needed to leave as my wife was exhausted and we could play later that night. e asks why he needs to leave and why my wife can’t just sleep while he and i keep playing. i explained that it was just a game and that my wife and her needs came first. e then asks why my wife couldn’t just take a nap on our living room couch. i told him i wasn’t making her sleep on the sofa just because he wanted to keep playing. e gets pissed and slammed his controller down on the dresser and goes to leave. before he does, he turns to my wife and tells her i’ll bet your happy he always feels like he has to pick you over anyone else. he leaves and slams the door on the way out. my wife turns to me and starts to apologize saying she could have just slept on the couch. i tell her no she couldn’t have and tell her to get some rest. later that night my other friends are blowing up my phone saying things along the lines of bros before hoes and saying it was rude to kick e out just so my wife could sleep. all of my married friends however are on my side saying my wife’s needs come first before my friends. e is now saying he won’t speak to me until i apologize. so am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throw away account. so, i 28m have a wife 27f who works full time as a cna while she is in school to become a an autopsy technician. she works a lot. she is constantly picking up extra shifts working doubles and even triples. she does all that on top of going to school full time. because of that she often takes a nap after work. well yesterday, i had a friend over who i will call e. my wife and e do not get along as e makes her uncomfortable but she and i don’t prevent one and other from seeing friends just because one of us doesn’t like the others friend. e was over at mine and my wife’s house playing video games when my wife calls to tell me she’s on her way home from work. she sounds exhausted and i asked her if she felt ok to drive and if not i’d come pick her up from work and go back together the car later. she says she’s fine to drive and that she’ll see me later. i said ok and told her i loved her. e and i go back to playing video games. it is worth mentioning that the only tv my wife and i have is in our bedroom. i was laying on the bed playing and e was sitting in my desk chair. about 15 minutes or so later i hear my wife come in the house and call out to let me know she was home. i come into the living room and give her a kiss. she all but collapses into my arms exhausted to the point she couldn’t even walk to the bedroom. i ask her if she’s ok and she says is yea just a long day at work. i really need a nap. i nodded and told her to come lay down in the bed. when we get to the bedroom i politely tell e that he needed to leave as my wife was exhausted and we could play later that night. e asks why he needs to leave and why my wife can’t just sleep while he and i keep playing. i explained that it was just a game and that my wife and her needs came first. e then asks why my wife couldn’t just take a nap on our living room couch. i told him i wasn’t making her sleep on the sofa just because he wanted to keep playing. e gets pissed and slammed his controller down on the dresser and goes to leave. before he does, he turns to my wife and tells her i’ll bet your happy he always feels like he has to pick you over anyone else. he leaves and slams the door on the way out. my wife turns to me and starts to apologize saying she could have just slept on the couch. i tell her no she couldn’t have and tell her to get some rest. later that night my other friends are blowing up my phone saying things along the lines of bros before hoes and saying it was rude to kick e out just so my wife could sleep. all of my married friends however are on my side saying my wife’s needs come first before my friends. e is now saying he won’t speak to me until i apologize. so am i the asshole? [/INST] nta, but you need to get better friends. they sound awful! </s>
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AITA for punishing my sons and not the woman?
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i’m going to try to keep this short since frankly - i’m exhausted. any questions can and will be answered in the comments.
long story short, my family(35m, 12m, 10m) and i(32f) just recently moved into a new apartment complex. our unit is at the very back of the building, at the back of the property, so behind us is just a wooded area, nobody lives there. at the very back of our unit and the one across from ours is a small balcony that faces out towards this wooded area. because it the way the building is constructed, you can’t see onto another persons balcony unless you go to the stairs and lean over the railing - otherwise the wall blocks you.
across from our unit is a family of four - a young looking mother, her husband, and their two children who are both under the age of two. i haven’t had the chance to go introduce myself because i think one of their babies is a newborn, and honestly mama seems exhausted. anyway, a couple of nights ago, i made a horrific discovery. went outside to call the boys in for dinner and found them both with their upper bodies flung over the railing, staring into our neighbors balcony. i grab both by their pants and ask them just what they think they’re doing, and that’s when i see it. from their vantage point, they could see straight into the neighbor lady’s balcony, where she was sat completely topless, with underwear on listening to headphones.
i. was. livid. not with her, but with the boys. the way i see it, she’s on her own personal property, where no one is supposed to be able to see, and not drawing any attention to herself. plus, if she’s breastfeeding, i get not having a top or bra on. it’s tedious to remove every few hours and for every feeding in between. and who wears pants in their own house? anyway, i digress. i pulled the boys in the house and took away their video games and phones until further notice, and told my husband immediately when he got home. but surprisingly, he was mad at me! saying boys would be boys and the lady should have some decency to wear clothes outside, and asked me to speak to her about it. i ripped him a new one and spent the night on the couch, after which he apologized but the boys still seem upset with me. aita for punishing them, but not saying anything to the neighbor?
| 29,351 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h8ypa1/aita_for_punishing_my_sons_and_not_the_woman/
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2020-06-14 18:14:18
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nta good for you! your husband is out of line and frankly acting in a manner that could give your sons the idea that it’s okay to just “get” from women without respect for personal boundaries whether it’s looking or worse. a plus parenting from you and thank you for respecting your neighbor!
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nta. “boys will be boys,” i’m sorry, what century is your husband living in? like you said, that woman was on her own property. not only are you nta for doing some good parenting, you’re also nta because you didn’t sexualize this woman. your husband, on the other hand, could afford to learn a bit.
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nta
i would have reacted the same way. i would also have a long talk to my son about privacy and gender equality.
and engorgement hurts. especially at the tail end of breastfeeding.
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nta. "boys will be boys" is a garbage excuse for behavior. i'm sure they know they aren't supposed to spy on people, especially in private moments. and if they don't know, now they do.
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nta
you did the right thing. people need to stop using the "boys will be boys" excuse when they do bad things.
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nta!!!!! sorry to say your peeping tom sons deserve to lose all of their privileges and otherwise feel the weight of their very poor not to mention completely illegal decision making and actions. also sorry to say your husband is an ah for saying ‘boys will be boys’ and excusing their miserable behavior. i’m glad you know that this woman (as well as all people, including yourself) has the right to privacy while in their own home, along with the right to wear or not wear whatever they feel like wearing, and that no one should illegally stare into their windows. thank goodness your cretins have you to show them what’s right and what’s wrong!
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i am hoping that people want actual diversity of opinion here and not just a big circlejerk, but i am expecting massive downvotes for having a slightly different view:
esh except your sunbathing neighbor and your children. your husband sucks for downplaying your sons’ actions and propagating the “boys will be boys” cop out. you suck for going nuclear instead of actually talking to your children and explaining boundaries and privacy. i think everyone here is forgetting that these are 10 and 12 year old boys who are naturally curious about women’s bodies. there is nothing wrong with this curiosity and interest, only in their voyeurism without consent. you are likely inadvertently teaching them that sexual attraction is wrong, and that can have unforeseen consequences.
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nta the boys were 100% wrong.
though i would let the young women know that she can be seen
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info: have you had "the talk" with them yet? i think curiosity is normal. not in a "boys will be boys" normalizing perverted misogynistic behavior, but look at their ages and they just stumbled upon a "free show" at the age when boys and girls start getting curious about sex.
teach them about sex. it sounds like your first reaction is to punish them for looking at some boobies, like just seeing them is a bad thing.
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santa says nta. your boys were in the wrong here. thank you for teaching them boundaries. your husband is also in the wrong.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
| 0.032022 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i’m going to try to keep this short since frankly - i’m exhausted. any questions can and will be answered in the comments. long story short, my family(35m, 12m, 10m) and i(32f) just recently moved into a new apartment complex. our unit is at the very back of the building, at the back of the property, so behind us is just a wooded area, nobody lives there. at the very back of our unit and the one across from ours is a small balcony that faces out towards this wooded area. because it the way the building is constructed, you can’t see onto another persons balcony unless you go to the stairs and lean over the railing - otherwise the wall blocks you. across from our unit is a family of four - a young looking mother, her husband, and their two children who are both under the age of two. i haven’t had the chance to go introduce myself because i think one of their babies is a newborn, and honestly mama seems exhausted. anyway, a couple of nights ago, i made a horrific discovery. went outside to call the boys in for dinner and found them both with their upper bodies flung over the railing, staring into our neighbors balcony. i grab both by their pants and ask them just what they think they’re doing, and that’s when i see it. from their vantage point, they could see straight into the neighbor lady’s balcony, where she was sat completely topless, with underwear on listening to headphones. i. was. livid. not with her, but with the boys. the way i see it, she’s on her own personal property, where no one is supposed to be able to see, and not drawing any attention to herself. plus, if she’s breastfeeding, i get not having a top or bra on. it’s tedious to remove every few hours and for every feeding in between. and who wears pants in their own house? anyway, i digress. i pulled the boys in the house and took away their video games and phones until further notice, and told my husband immediately when he got home. but surprisingly, he was mad at me! saying boys would be boys and the lady should have some decency to wear clothes outside, and asked me to speak to her about it. i ripped him a new one and spent the night on the couch, after which he apologized but the boys still seem upset with me. aita for punishing them, but not saying anything to the neighbor?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i’m going to try to keep this short since frankly - i’m exhausted. any questions can and will be answered in the comments. long story short, my family(35m, 12m, 10m) and i(32f) just recently moved into a new apartment complex. our unit is at the very back of the building, at the back of the property, so behind us is just a wooded area, nobody lives there. at the very back of our unit and the one across from ours is a small balcony that faces out towards this wooded area. because it the way the building is constructed, you can’t see onto another persons balcony unless you go to the stairs and lean over the railing - otherwise the wall blocks you. across from our unit is a family of four - a young looking mother, her husband, and their two children who are both under the age of two. i haven’t had the chance to go introduce myself because i think one of their babies is a newborn, and honestly mama seems exhausted. anyway, a couple of nights ago, i made a horrific discovery. went outside to call the boys in for dinner and found them both with their upper bodies flung over the railing, staring into our neighbors balcony. i grab both by their pants and ask them just what they think they’re doing, and that’s when i see it. from their vantage point, they could see straight into the neighbor lady’s balcony, where she was sat completely topless, with underwear on listening to headphones. i. was. livid. not with her, but with the boys. the way i see it, she’s on her own personal property, where no one is supposed to be able to see, and not drawing any attention to herself. plus, if she’s breastfeeding, i get not having a top or bra on. it’s tedious to remove every few hours and for every feeding in between. and who wears pants in their own house? anyway, i digress. i pulled the boys in the house and took away their video games and phones until further notice, and told my husband immediately when he got home. but surprisingly, he was mad at me! saying boys would be boys and the lady should have some decency to wear clothes outside, and asked me to speak to her about it. i ripped him a new one and spent the night on the couch, after which he apologized but the boys still seem upset with me. aita for punishing them, but not saying anything to the neighbor? [/INST] nta good for you! your husband is out of line and frankly acting in a manner that could give your sons the idea that it’s okay to just “get” from women without respect for personal boundaries whether it’s looking or worse. a plus parenting from you and thank you for respecting your neighbor! </s>
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AITA For telling my younger brother he needs to find somewhere else to live?
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my little brother (16) has been living with me for a little over a year now, our parents kicked him out when he came out and i couldn't not take him in, he's my baby brother.
my partner set a few ground rules when he moved in, no parties, his rent would be our weekly grocery bill, and if he could look after our 2 children (6 & 10) while we're both working late that would be amazing, and there would be no guests in our home. he agreed to all of these conditions and was holding up to them very well until recently.
my brother recently got a new boyfriend who we have met a couple of times and he seems really really sweet but we don't know really know him that well. anyway, my partner and i were working late the other night and he called me to find out if his boyfriend could come around and i told him i'd rather he didn't be around my girls while we were not there, he seemed fine with it and i thought nothing of it.
however, when i got home there was his boyfriend, sitting on the couch with him. i didn't disturb them because his boyfriend seemed emotionally distressed (he was crying) and when he left i asked my brother what happened, apparently his boyfriend just found out his parents are divorcing. i told him i was sorry for his boyfriend but i asked him not to have him over around my daughters until we were home and just because they were asleep, doesn't change the fact because anything could have happened.
we got into a bit of an argument with him defending himself and i ended up telling him i felt extremely disrespected and worried for my daughters because he wasn't our agreement and i have no idea how many times he's had people in the house without permission. i told him unfortunately he's going to need to find another place to stay, i have kids to look after and they come first. we don't take much rent off him so he's got 15,000 in his bank account, he's not running a risk at being homeless. i told him he had until the end of march to find a place and until he does his regular duties stand. he started crying and apologizing and asking if he could stay so i told him i wasn't disowning him like our parents, he just can't live here anymore.
my husband says i was a complete ah and i need to tell him he's allowed to stay, he said he called first so he's most likely never had anyone else over without permission and he'd be a pretty bad boyfriend if he wasn't there as support. i feel like i may be the ah because my husband is usually tight on the rules and even he's willing to bend them for this....so..aita?
| 8,130 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sdi912/aita_for_telling_my_younger_brother_he_needs_to/
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2022-01-26 22:25:20
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yta.
1) first offense.
2) nothing happened and there is no reason to believe anything would. so what if he had one friend over: if he wasn't acting inappropriately there's no risk to your girls.
3) he's 16? and you make him pay for all your groceries, and his, and also give free childcare...? wow, pat yourself on the back there. not. but yta if you kick him out.
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yta.
you're kicking out an already traumatized, disowned 16 year old for a first offense. and that's after you've been charging said 16 year old rent and making him work as your babysitter in order to have a place to stay when your parents would have seen him homeless for something he can't change about himself.
i'm really curious how you could possibly think you're not be the asshole here.
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yta. that's pretty harsh for a 16 year old, who hasn't broken that rule before, whose partner just found out something devastating.
perhaps he could have shot you a text as a heads up, but kicking him out with nowhere else to go could ruin not just your relationship with him, but might destabilize him for life. time for a rule revisit.
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yta
i understand your concern, but you're overreacting.
he's sixteen, and he pays rent (all groceries for 5 people is a considerable amount), plus he's doing child care frequently, which is considerable value too.
despite this he does not have any visitation rights, which is unusual.
i totally understand wanting to protect your kids.
he may not even have thought he broke your rule, since his boyfriend was on the couch and not with your kids. while that wasn't what you meant, what you say here would arguably make him in compliance with your rule.
and even if he broke the rule, it's once. you have reason to believe it's a first offense since he called first, and your daughters have never told you about any earlier transgressions.
plus his boyfriend's parents just announced a divorce, that is a major crisis of a scale that happens less than once in a decade. not exactly run-of-the-mill stuff.
all in all, i think you need to make up your mind on how to treat him. you've set restrictions on him (no visitors, no parties) that are akin to treating him like a child or a young teenager. but you've made demands on him (paying groceries and work as babysitter for rent) that is more in line with treating him like an adult.
and the "first offense and you're out" is harsh even by adult standards.
honestly, i know you're trying to do the right thing here by taking care of your kids first and your brother too if you can, but i genuinely think you underestimate how much your brother means to your kids. i doubt he's just a babysitter to them, so while you need to maintain order and limit his friends' visits while you're away, i recommend you try to help nurture their relationship as long as it can be healthy for all of them.
i recommend you let your brother stay. and to help him get over this exacerbation of his abandonment trauma, i strongly recommend apologizing to him over this.
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yta. you're telling us all that your little brother has no risk of being homeless, but he's *16*, his parents *disowned* him, and he is 16 years old.
there is no scenario here where you aren't ta.
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some people are being too soft on you, this is a hard yta. your brother is only 16 years old, a kid. he has also gone through one of the most traumatic experiences a kid can go through, being kicked out by fucking terrible parents just for who he is. even after that, he sounds like a great kid, especially if he’s good on paying rent to you (i wouldn’t charge my siblings rent in that situation) and is taking care of your kids. one singular emergency situation in which he breaks the rules to be a good boyfriend is enough for you to leave him on the streets? do you know the statistics for homeless lgbtq+ youth out there? your husband is so right and you’re a massive ah.
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yta. you put yourself in a place where you’ve taken over the care of another child, even if it is your brother.
in the future, when your children turn 16, do you plan for them to pay you in order to live in your home? if you feel disrespected, are you going to demand they move out?
if the answer is no, reconsider how you treat your brother. if the answer is yes, then you can go hang out with your parents in the “criminal child abandonment” dungeon.
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yta.
despite being a kid, you charge him rent which he pays. you say you can’t afford another person so that’s why, yet he’s saving you in child care. do you pay him for that? he’s responsible enough to save $15,000. he watches your kids for you. he hasn’t had any prior issues with rule breaking that you absolutely are sure of.
his boyfriend had a traumatizing experience and instead of making an exception you kick your brother out?
you don’t know if he’s had prior people over period and you are punishing him for perceived bad acts that can’t be proven.
is there something wrong with his boyfriend? or just because you don’t know him? or is because he’s gay? surely your brother has enough sense to ensure your kids are safe. if he doesn’t, then why do you leave them with him? you either trust his judgment or you don’t.
if you gave a crap about your brother, you’d make an exception and let him stay. if you want to punish him for having his boyfriend over without permission then make the punishment actually fit the crime. and maybe get to know you brother and his boyfriend so you feel comfortable with him in the house.
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yta- your brother needs a loving home, not a place to pay rent and nanny. he’s a kid trying to learn how to have friends and be a good partner, and now you are kicking him out too? how sad for him.
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info: what are you afraid will happen to your daughters?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my little brother (16) has been living with me for a little over a year now, our parents kicked him out when he came out and i couldn't not take him in, he's my baby brother. my partner set a few ground rules when he moved in, no parties, his rent would be our weekly grocery bill, and if he could look after our 2 children (6 & 10) while we're both working late that would be amazing, and there would be no guests in our home. he agreed to all of these conditions and was holding up to them very well until recently. my brother recently got a new boyfriend who we have met a couple of times and he seems really really sweet but we don't know really know him that well. anyway, my partner and i were working late the other night and he called me to find out if his boyfriend could come around and i told him i'd rather he didn't be around my girls while we were not there, he seemed fine with it and i thought nothing of it. however, when i got home there was his boyfriend, sitting on the couch with him. i didn't disturb them because his boyfriend seemed emotionally distressed (he was crying) and when he left i asked my brother what happened, apparently his boyfriend just found out his parents are divorcing. i told him i was sorry for his boyfriend but i asked him not to have him over around my daughters until we were home and just because they were asleep, doesn't change the fact because anything could have happened. we got into a bit of an argument with him defending himself and i ended up telling him i felt extremely disrespected and worried for my daughters because he wasn't our agreement and i have no idea how many times he's had people in the house without permission. i told him unfortunately he's going to need to find another place to stay, i have kids to look after and they come first. we don't take much rent off him so he's got 15,000 in his bank account, he's not running a risk at being homeless. i told him he had until the end of march to find a place and until he does his regular duties stand. he started crying and apologizing and asking if he could stay so i told him i wasn't disowning him like our parents, he just can't live here anymore. my husband says i was a complete ah and i need to tell him he's allowed to stay, he said he called first so he's most likely never had anyone else over without permission and he'd be a pretty bad boyfriend if he wasn't there as support. i feel like i may be the ah because my husband is usually tight on the rules and even he's willing to bend them for this....so..aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my little brother (16) has been living with me for a little over a year now, our parents kicked him out when he came out and i couldn't not take him in, he's my baby brother. my partner set a few ground rules when he moved in, no parties, his rent would be our weekly grocery bill, and if he could look after our 2 children (6 & 10) while we're both working late that would be amazing, and there would be no guests in our home. he agreed to all of these conditions and was holding up to them very well until recently. my brother recently got a new boyfriend who we have met a couple of times and he seems really really sweet but we don't know really know him that well. anyway, my partner and i were working late the other night and he called me to find out if his boyfriend could come around and i told him i'd rather he didn't be around my girls while we were not there, he seemed fine with it and i thought nothing of it. however, when i got home there was his boyfriend, sitting on the couch with him. i didn't disturb them because his boyfriend seemed emotionally distressed (he was crying) and when he left i asked my brother what happened, apparently his boyfriend just found out his parents are divorcing. i told him i was sorry for his boyfriend but i asked him not to have him over around my daughters until we were home and just because they were asleep, doesn't change the fact because anything could have happened. we got into a bit of an argument with him defending himself and i ended up telling him i felt extremely disrespected and worried for my daughters because he wasn't our agreement and i have no idea how many times he's had people in the house without permission. i told him unfortunately he's going to need to find another place to stay, i have kids to look after and they come first. we don't take much rent off him so he's got 15,000 in his bank account, he's not running a risk at being homeless. i told him he had until the end of march to find a place and until he does his regular duties stand. he started crying and apologizing and asking if he could stay so i told him i wasn't disowning him like our parents, he just can't live here anymore. my husband says i was a complete ah and i need to tell him he's allowed to stay, he said he called first so he's most likely never had anyone else over without permission and he'd be a pretty bad boyfriend if he wasn't there as support. i feel like i may be the ah because my husband is usually tight on the rules and even he's willing to bend them for this....so..aita? [/INST] yta. 1) first offense. 2) nothing happened and there is no reason to believe anything would. so what if he had one friend over: if he wasn't acting inappropriately there's no risk to your girls. 3) he's 16? and you make him pay for all your groceries, and his, and also give free childcare...? wow, pat yourself on the back there. not. but yta if you kick him out. </s>
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AITA for not allowing my grandmother around my baby because of something she lied about when I was 15?
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i'm currently 28, female. i am married with 3 kids (4yo twin boys, 3 month old girl). my grandmother is 71f.
back when i was 15 my mom had a set of twins (bou and girl). she was put on bed rest because the c-section she had went wrong and she lost alot of blood. where she needed help and i went to school full time, she invited my grandmother in to our home (free of cost) to help her out.
at some point or another my mom had threatened to kick her out because every morning my mom would check on the twins to find my brother "missing". my gram (who is extremely overweight) had been taking my brother from his crib and was sleeping with him on her chest on the couch. my mom told her multiple times to stop and she refused so my mom threatened to kick her out. my grandmothers way of retaliating was to tell my mother (who had extreme postpartum depression) that my sister (2 months old at the time) rolled off the bed and fell onto the tile floors (this never happened). this obviously caused extreme panic on my moms end, which made her spiral because she was already suffering from the postpartum.
because of this, i dont want my grandmother anywhere near my baby. i lived out of state when my twins were born so she didnt see them until they were 2 years old and she was never allowed around them alone. however, now that i live in the states and have a baby, she has been harping on me to let her meet my daughter. i kept telling her no, but gave no reason up until last night. where i reminded her that where i witnessed her causing my mom unnecessary panic, i would not be allowing her near my child because i'm not going to chance her doing the same thing with me.
my grandmother lost it and really tried saying that that scenario never happened and that we made it all up to make her look bad. a lot of the family has also sided with her (she told everyone) and says that i need to "let shit go" and "stop living in the past". i have been told that i am alienating my grandmother and that i am going to destroy her by not letting her build a bond with my child. aita?
| 20,904 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kltri1/aita_for_not_allowing_my_grandmother_around_my/
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2020-12-28 16:38:26
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nta.
that is a huge breach of trust and the fact that you "can't let the past go" isn't evidence of you needing to "grow up" its evidence that your grandmother messed up so badly, you are still dealing with this 13 years later.
my wife and i have no end of toxic family on both sides and fully support each other and anyone when its necessary to go no-contact. contrary to what everyone says, you can choose family.
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nta. you are under no obligation to let her meet your kids, in fact, you’d be doing a disservice to your kids by letting her into their lives no matter how brief a time. stay strong and protect your babies
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the fact that she wont admit that she did that to her daughter means she isnt willing to take responsibility for her actions. shes still trying to manipulate people and its unacceptable behavior. nta.
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nta but u should ask her which it is, are you making it up, or are you living in the past? tell her to pick one and stfu about it, you don't need that drama in your life....
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nta
she is gaslighting you, dont fall for it. your first priority is to your children, regardless of what grandma says.
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nta- she caused real trauma to your mom, and didn’t listen to simple requests regarding her kids. if she’s trying to pretend it never happened, she’d do the same to you
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nta
>my grandmother lost it and really tried saying that that scenario never happened and that we made it all up to make her look bad.
she's gaslighting you
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nta why is your family enabling a manipulator?? i am so sorry for your mother and all she went through on top of the postpartum. stay strong and keep grandma away as long as you feel is necessary
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nta - you have no obligation to let your child build a bond with someone who does not care for the safety of young children and enjoys manipulating others to get her way.
and anyone in your family who agrees with her is welcome to spend as much time with her as they like - without you or your children.
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why did grandma only take your brother and not your sister? she could have smothered the child without realizing it.
sorry, mean granny doesn't deserve to bond with your child. she knows exactly what she did.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm currently 28, female. i am married with 3 kids (4yo twin boys, 3 month old girl). my grandmother is 71f. back when i was 15 my mom had a set of twins (bou and girl). she was put on bed rest because the c-section she had went wrong and she lost alot of blood. where she needed help and i went to school full time, she invited my grandmother in to our home (free of cost) to help her out. at some point or another my mom had threatened to kick her out because every morning my mom would check on the twins to find my brother "missing". my gram (who is extremely overweight) had been taking my brother from his crib and was sleeping with him on her chest on the couch. my mom told her multiple times to stop and she refused so my mom threatened to kick her out. my grandmothers way of retaliating was to tell my mother (who had extreme postpartum depression) that my sister (2 months old at the time) rolled off the bed and fell onto the tile floors (this never happened). this obviously caused extreme panic on my moms end, which made her spiral because she was already suffering from the postpartum. because of this, i dont want my grandmother anywhere near my baby. i lived out of state when my twins were born so she didnt see them until they were 2 years old and she was never allowed around them alone. however, now that i live in the states and have a baby, she has been harping on me to let her meet my daughter. i kept telling her no, but gave no reason up until last night. where i reminded her that where i witnessed her causing my mom unnecessary panic, i would not be allowing her near my child because i'm not going to chance her doing the same thing with me. my grandmother lost it and really tried saying that that scenario never happened and that we made it all up to make her look bad. a lot of the family has also sided with her (she told everyone) and says that i need to "let shit go" and "stop living in the past". i have been told that i am alienating my grandmother and that i am going to destroy her by not letting her build a bond with my child. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm currently 28, female. i am married with 3 kids (4yo twin boys, 3 month old girl). my grandmother is 71f. back when i was 15 my mom had a set of twins (bou and girl). she was put on bed rest because the c-section she had went wrong and she lost alot of blood. where she needed help and i went to school full time, she invited my grandmother in to our home (free of cost) to help her out. at some point or another my mom had threatened to kick her out because every morning my mom would check on the twins to find my brother "missing". my gram (who is extremely overweight) had been taking my brother from his crib and was sleeping with him on her chest on the couch. my mom told her multiple times to stop and she refused so my mom threatened to kick her out. my grandmothers way of retaliating was to tell my mother (who had extreme postpartum depression) that my sister (2 months old at the time) rolled off the bed and fell onto the tile floors (this never happened). this obviously caused extreme panic on my moms end, which made her spiral because she was already suffering from the postpartum. because of this, i dont want my grandmother anywhere near my baby. i lived out of state when my twins were born so she didnt see them until they were 2 years old and she was never allowed around them alone. however, now that i live in the states and have a baby, she has been harping on me to let her meet my daughter. i kept telling her no, but gave no reason up until last night. where i reminded her that where i witnessed her causing my mom unnecessary panic, i would not be allowing her near my child because i'm not going to chance her doing the same thing with me. my grandmother lost it and really tried saying that that scenario never happened and that we made it all up to make her look bad. a lot of the family has also sided with her (she told everyone) and says that i need to "let shit go" and "stop living in the past". i have been told that i am alienating my grandmother and that i am going to destroy her by not letting her build a bond with my child. aita? [/INST] nta. that is a huge breach of trust and the fact that you "can't let the past go" isn't evidence of you needing to "grow up" its evidence that your grandmother messed up so badly, you are still dealing with this 13 years later. my wife and i have no end of toxic family on both sides and fully support each other and anyone when its necessary to go no-contact. contrary to what everyone says, you can choose family. </s>
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AITA for telling the barista that my girlfriend is with me?
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basically i'm 25m and she's 23f.
she gets company credit for food and drinks as she works for like a week at a time. she cooks all her own food and uses that money to buy a coffee each morning. she always goes to the same coffee shop.
me and my gf are very comfortable and she's bi so sometimes we will both say how hot a girl is or whatever. she always says the guy who serves her coffee is "beautiful", she confirmed that she wasn't attracted to him but that he was stunning and a very pretty man. that was fine.
anyway, so she goes in every day and always has stories to tell about the guy behind the counter. i trust her entirely, i know she doesn't really want him and wouldn't do anything.
anyway, i went in the other day and straight away knew who she meant as this gorgeous long haired dude took my order. i ordered her favourite drink as she was at home and i shit you not he said "oh is that for emma?" and when i looked shocked he went "i just know that's her usual, no one else really orders it". i said yes, it is but by the way pal, she has a boyfriend and it's me. the guy kinda laughed and i said that i appreciate he's doing his job but to lay off her as in my eyes, i think he was flirting. he laughed again and said sure thing.
i didn't tell my gf who went to get coffee a few days later and came home raging, saying how dare i embarrass her like that. this pissed me off cause why doesn't she want him to know?! she said she already mentioned me and that the guy is gay and she knows his boyfriend.
fair, innocent mistake on my behalf but the gf never told me this beautiful man was gay.
she stormed out and still won't speak to me without making sly digs.
aita?
**tl;dr** told the barista that my gf wasn't single and was with me as i thought they were flirting.
| 17,692 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cucz2s/aita_for_telling_the_barista_that_my_girlfriend/
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2019-08-23 12:08:02
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yta. he knew her order and was being friendly, because that's literally his job. apologise to your girlfriend for your insecurities and also the barista next time you're in there for acting like a dick.
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yta. caveman behavior. of course she is embarrassed.
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yta
he knows her name and order because she goes everyday. it’s not a surprise. just because he remembers her doesn’t mean he was flirting with her. he’s doing his job
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yta because you sounded like a complete douche. a smarter man would have said something along the lines of "oh, emma? yeah, she's my girlfriend. i figured i'd grab her a coffee since i was stopping anyway." "she's mine bruh" is how she gets fucked out of spite for you.
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yta.
>but by the way pal, she has a boyfriend and it's me
a bit strong on the macho there, but ok
>i said that i appreciate he's doing his job but to lay off her as in my eyes, i think he was flirting
too much. much too much.
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yta. why shouldn't he know a regular customer's irregular order? you claim you trust her but you don't like it when the beautiful coffee man knows her order? come on dude, be honest with yourself. you made a fool of yourself and i think you know that.
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yta
>. i trust her entirely, i know she doesn't really want him and wouldn't do anything.
clearly, you don't.
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yta. this guy remembers that a customer he's friendly with orders that drink everyday, and that's enough to turn into am absolute moron?
i mean come on, "by the way pal, she has a boyfriend and it's me". what real person talks like this? wouldn't it have been more subtle to just drag her in with you and pee on her leg?
this whole display is pathetic. it would be funny if ot weren't so sad.
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yta. a guy is allowed to know her name. don't be that guy!
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hahahah!!! oh, you poor thing. yes, yta. you come across as super insecure and territorial. to the point where i'm kinda surprised you didn't actually pee on the dude!
come on, op. do better.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: basically i'm 25m and she's 23f. she gets company credit for food and drinks as she works for like a week at a time. she cooks all her own food and uses that money to buy a coffee each morning. she always goes to the same coffee shop. me and my gf are very comfortable and she's bi so sometimes we will both say how hot a girl is or whatever. she always says the guy who serves her coffee is "beautiful", she confirmed that she wasn't attracted to him but that he was stunning and a very pretty man. that was fine. anyway, so she goes in every day and always has stories to tell about the guy behind the counter. i trust her entirely, i know she doesn't really want him and wouldn't do anything. anyway, i went in the other day and straight away knew who she meant as this gorgeous long haired dude took my order. i ordered her favourite drink as she was at home and i shit you not he said "oh is that for emma?" and when i looked shocked he went "i just know that's her usual, no one else really orders it". i said yes, it is but by the way pal, she has a boyfriend and it's me. the guy kinda laughed and i said that i appreciate he's doing his job but to lay off her as in my eyes, i think he was flirting. he laughed again and said sure thing. i didn't tell my gf who went to get coffee a few days later and came home raging, saying how dare i embarrass her like that. this pissed me off cause why doesn't she want him to know?! she said she already mentioned me and that the guy is gay and she knows his boyfriend. fair, innocent mistake on my behalf but the gf never told me this beautiful man was gay. she stormed out and still won't speak to me without making sly digs. aita? **tl;dr** told the barista that my gf wasn't single and was with me as i thought they were flirting.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
basically i'm 25m and she's 23f. she gets company credit for food and drinks as she works for like a week at a time. she cooks all her own food and uses that money to buy a coffee each morning. she always goes to the same coffee shop. me and my gf are very comfortable and she's bi so sometimes we will both say how hot a girl is or whatever. she always says the guy who serves her coffee is "beautiful", she confirmed that she wasn't attracted to him but that he was stunning and a very pretty man. that was fine. anyway, so she goes in every day and always has stories to tell about the guy behind the counter. i trust her entirely, i know she doesn't really want him and wouldn't do anything. anyway, i went in the other day and straight away knew who she meant as this gorgeous long haired dude took my order. i ordered her favourite drink as she was at home and i shit you not he said "oh is that for emma?" and when i looked shocked he went "i just know that's her usual, no one else really orders it". i said yes, it is but by the way pal, she has a boyfriend and it's me. the guy kinda laughed and i said that i appreciate he's doing his job but to lay off her as in my eyes, i think he was flirting. he laughed again and said sure thing. i didn't tell my gf who went to get coffee a few days later and came home raging, saying how dare i embarrass her like that. this pissed me off cause why doesn't she want him to know?! she said she already mentioned me and that the guy is gay and she knows his boyfriend. fair, innocent mistake on my behalf but the gf never told me this beautiful man was gay. she stormed out and still won't speak to me without making sly digs. aita? **tl;dr** told the barista that my gf wasn't single and was with me as i thought they were flirting. [/INST] yta. he knew her order and was being friendly, because that's literally his job. apologise to your girlfriend for your insecurities and also the barista next time you're in there for acting like a dick. </s>
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AITA for asking my girlfriend to leave if she’s going to be unpleasant towards my daughter?
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update; will be arranging to visit my daughter at her mothers until my girlfriend feels well enough to handle visits from my daughter, i’m also going to look into grief counselling for the both of us.
i (31m) have been with my girlfriend (claire) for 2 years, 3 in january
i’ve got a 4 year old with an ex, we have her every other week.
claire got pregnant 8 months ago, which is why we made the choice to move in with each other, 5 months into the pregnancy she gave birth, the baby didn’t make it.
claire hasn’t been the same since which while i don’t fully understand, it was my baby too.
claire has been in therapy since to help her grieve.
when my daughter came over to visit last, she drew on the wall which i completely understand but claire made a point of sending her up to her bedroom for 90 minutes.
she continues making snide remarks towards my daughters mother and is over all really strict on my daughter, any toe out of line it’s straight to her bedroom
claire suggested we don’t have my daughter for a week until we’ve grieved properly and maybe stick to weekends and visiting her after school until then.
i told her if she continues doing this and continues being spiteful that she can leave, she is in no way priority over my daughter?
i understand her grief, i do.
she’s obviously calling me an ah
aita?
| 20,870 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e33d0s/aita_for_asking_my_girlfriend_to_leave_if_shes/
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2019-11-28 20:00:56
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nta...except why did you let your girlfriend put a four year old in timeout for an hour and a half? that’s absolutely insane.
update to ops
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yta:
in your comments below, you say your daughter had a nap during that 90 minute timeout. it’s *very* misleading to say she was put in a 90 minute timeout. i’ll bet money that your girlfriend made her go to her room, she fell asleep, and by the time your girlfriend checked on her again, she decided to leave her asleep. my parents have done this *countless* times. also, why are you letting your girlfriend take the lead on disciplining your child???
people who are calling her the asshole.... i don’t think she is. i think this is all a big misunderstanding and that you’re omitting information or adjusting it to paint yourself in a better light.
you’re very casual about your gf’s grief. you did **not** go through the same thing. mothers often bond with fetuses in a way that fathers do not. she had her body betray her. she likely feels worthless or very sad, because her body couldn’t achieve the one thing it’s built to do: carry a child. and while therapy is a great route for her, you are not listening to her. you keep tossing her grief to the side- op how do you not expect her to lash out??? you need to sit down and communicate with her. **she needs you right now.**
also, this sounds like a fairly recent thing- whether it’s been 3 weeks or 3 months, it often takes years for mothers to get over that kind of loss.
your request is not unrealistic and it is perfectly valid, however, you could have handled the situation much better.
also- split families are so difficult. i know, i grew up in one. she likely feels like she is a smaller part of the family now. she was excited for a child with *you*. and now, you share the very thing she wanted with only your ex.... because her body failed her. i can only imagine how horribly she feels right now- she probably feels almost like an outsider.
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[removed]
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nta. time-out for children should be roughly one minute per year of age; ninety minutes is entirely too long for a 4 year old. maybe the two of you should get therapy together to help you work through your grief and address your concerns regarding your daughter. if it comes down to it, though, and your gf continues to be a bit hateful towards your daughter, definitely side with your child.
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yta for letting your girlfriend take the lead in parenting and disciplining your child.
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nta, but know this- you’re never going to fully understand someone’s grief. even if the exact same thing happened to the both of you, you’ll always process is differently.
if your girlfriend is acting this way out of grief, the best thing you can do is to have a sit down talk with her.
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yta. in your subsequent comments you've stated that your daughter napped during that 90 minute "timeout" and it sounds to me like your gf did not consciously force her to stay there for 90 minutes. this is the only accusation of bad behavior toward your daughter and yet everyone here is assuming she has been regularly cruel to her. no, it sounds more like your girlfriend has been in a traumatized state and thus hasn't been too pleasant to be around, and she doesn't feel she has the support of her boyfriend which is only making things harder for her. instead of being sympathetic and supportive, you threaten to kick her out of the house! wow. asshole. please break up with her and let her go and heal and meet someone who actually loves and cares about her. you are not healthy for each other.
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esh, she sucks because she shouldn’t be treating your daughter badly but you saying you don’t fully understand her being so upset it was your baby too makes you an asshole albeit smaller. yes you’re grieving too and yes it’s your baby too but she had to literally carry it to 5 months and then loose it. it’s totally different carrying it, feeling it grow in you, and then loosing it especially so late into the pregnancy.
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yta jesus christ what an unreliable op, it wasn’t a 90 min time out, it was a time out that led to your kid napping. your gf was just letting the kid sleep for the 90 minutes. in all your comments you seem un-empathetic; you’re clearly lying about understanding what she’s going through.
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it’s misleading to say your gf put your kid in timeout for 90 minutes when what rly happened was she put her in timeout, kid fell asleep, girlfriend let her sleep.
i feel like we’re missing sufficient context to make a judgment here.
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
| null | 0.61614 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: update; will be arranging to visit my daughter at her mothers until my girlfriend feels well enough to handle visits from my daughter, i’m also going to look into grief counselling for the both of us. i (31m) have been with my girlfriend (claire) for 2 years, 3 in january i’ve got a 4 year old with an ex, we have her every other week. claire got pregnant 8 months ago, which is why we made the choice to move in with each other, 5 months into the pregnancy she gave birth, the baby didn’t make it. claire hasn’t been the same since which while i don’t fully understand, it was my baby too. claire has been in therapy since to help her grieve. when my daughter came over to visit last, she drew on the wall which i completely understand but claire made a point of sending her up to her bedroom for 90 minutes. she continues making snide remarks towards my daughters mother and is over all really strict on my daughter, any toe out of line it’s straight to her bedroom claire suggested we don’t have my daughter for a week until we’ve grieved properly and maybe stick to weekends and visiting her after school until then. i told her if she continues doing this and continues being spiteful that she can leave, she is in no way priority over my daughter? i understand her grief, i do. she’s obviously calling me an ah aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
update; will be arranging to visit my daughter at her mothers until my girlfriend feels well enough to handle visits from my daughter, i’m also going to look into grief counselling for the both of us. i (31m) have been with my girlfriend (claire) for 2 years, 3 in january i’ve got a 4 year old with an ex, we have her every other week. claire got pregnant 8 months ago, which is why we made the choice to move in with each other, 5 months into the pregnancy she gave birth, the baby didn’t make it. claire hasn’t been the same since which while i don’t fully understand, it was my baby too. claire has been in therapy since to help her grieve. when my daughter came over to visit last, she drew on the wall which i completely understand but claire made a point of sending her up to her bedroom for 90 minutes. she continues making snide remarks towards my daughters mother and is over all really strict on my daughter, any toe out of line it’s straight to her bedroom claire suggested we don’t have my daughter for a week until we’ve grieved properly and maybe stick to weekends and visiting her after school until then. i told her if she continues doing this and continues being spiteful that she can leave, she is in no way priority over my daughter? i understand her grief, i do. she’s obviously calling me an ah aita? [/INST] nta...except why did you let your girlfriend put a four year old in timeout for an hour and a half? that’s absolutely insane. update to ops </s>
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AITA for letting my stubborn daughter go to bed hungry?
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a local deli/bakery near us makes "fancy" sausages. it's all home made and they come in a variety of seasonal flavors. we get them occasionally because they're not terribly priced at $3/sausage. not that it matters, my favourite is the pear cinnamon sausage. my daughter, 9 years old, likes them too. her favourite is the hawaiian one. just to clarify: they're pork sausages, just with extra stuff to make them special.
we go there two days ago and i ask my daughter to pick out two sausages for her, and i'll pick two for me. she insisted on getting the greek sausage. she recently had gyros for the first time and i guess equated that flavor with everything greek. the greek sausage has black olive, feta, and balsamic in it. i ask if she's certain, and she insists. i knew it would go poorly later that night but i thought this would be a valuable lesson. i got my favourite sausages, she got something new.
well, she hated it. she took one bite and fake gagged. i told her i warned her. she asked if she could have mine but then i'm stuck with the greek sausage. i told her no deal. she himmed and hawed for 15 minutes before asking me to make her something else. i'm not a restaurant: you eat what i make, plus she picked it herself. she either ate it or nothing else for the rest of the night. she ended up eating half of one and legitimately had sweats from forcing herself before i relented and let her leave the table.
i'm a single father so it's not like i can check in with a wife or spouse to see if i was wrong. this is how i was raised, and this would teach her to play it safe with food. if she wants to get adventurous, that's on her. but she's also only 9. i don't think i made the wrong decision but did i?
| 6,493 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ffksq9/aita_for_letting_my_stubborn_daughter_go_to_bed/
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2020-03-08 22:55:52
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yta. why be so mean? she’s only 9 and she was willing to give it a try, you could have made her some toast or something when it was clear she really hated it.
edit to add: i also don’t get why you want to punish her for being an adventurous eater. why do you see that as a bad thing?
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yta. why is "playing it safe" a good thing? she can't know in advance if she's going to like new things, but you don't want her to even *try*? that's messed up.
the only valuable lesson she'll take from this is that her dad is an asshole.
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yta. the obvious thing - and i remember a similar incident from my childhood - would be to say, "i am worried that you won't like it, let's get one to try and one of your favorite, then if you really like it we can get two next time". parenting isn't "set the kid up for failure then watch them fail and actually suffer", it's "let the kid make safe choices to learn how to choose".
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yta she’s 9 you should be encouraging her to try new things and expanding her horizons not punishing her for it
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yta ... not because you didn't let her have yours, but she could have made herself a sandwich or had some fruit or something.
also i think you could have guided her, so she got one new and one of the ones you knew she liked, so she learned that it's okay to try new things but without leaving her with nothing.
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info: what lesson are you trying to teach her? not to try new foods?
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yta. let her have a bowl of cereal or make herself a sandwich. instead, you’re setting her up for an eating disorder or to never try anything new.
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info: what lesson were you intending on teaching? to never try new food, or that dad is always right?
if you were so sure, why didn't you let her get one greek flavor and one safe bet?
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yta.
she’s only 9... and you knew this would go poorly bad... shame on you man... feed the poor child.
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dude, yta. shes nine. yeah, fine, let her learn from her mistake. heaven forbid she wanted to try a new food--you're lucky she isn't super picky and doesn't eat anything--you should've made her something else. a sandwich, cereal. a poptart. something. and no, you aren't a resturant; youre the father of a nine year old girl who is supposed to feed that nine year-old girl. jeez.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.016 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: a local deli/bakery near us makes "fancy" sausages. it's all home made and they come in a variety of seasonal flavors. we get them occasionally because they're not terribly priced at $3/sausage. not that it matters, my favourite is the pear cinnamon sausage. my daughter, 9 years old, likes them too. her favourite is the hawaiian one. just to clarify: they're pork sausages, just with extra stuff to make them special. we go there two days ago and i ask my daughter to pick out two sausages for her, and i'll pick two for me. she insisted on getting the greek sausage. she recently had gyros for the first time and i guess equated that flavor with everything greek. the greek sausage has black olive, feta, and balsamic in it. i ask if she's certain, and she insists. i knew it would go poorly later that night but i thought this would be a valuable lesson. i got my favourite sausages, she got something new. well, she hated it. she took one bite and fake gagged. i told her i warned her. she asked if she could have mine but then i'm stuck with the greek sausage. i told her no deal. she himmed and hawed for 15 minutes before asking me to make her something else. i'm not a restaurant: you eat what i make, plus she picked it herself. she either ate it or nothing else for the rest of the night. she ended up eating half of one and legitimately had sweats from forcing herself before i relented and let her leave the table. i'm a single father so it's not like i can check in with a wife or spouse to see if i was wrong. this is how i was raised, and this would teach her to play it safe with food. if she wants to get adventurous, that's on her. but she's also only 9. i don't think i made the wrong decision but did i?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
a local deli/bakery near us makes "fancy" sausages. it's all home made and they come in a variety of seasonal flavors. we get them occasionally because they're not terribly priced at $3/sausage. not that it matters, my favourite is the pear cinnamon sausage. my daughter, 9 years old, likes them too. her favourite is the hawaiian one. just to clarify: they're pork sausages, just with extra stuff to make them special. we go there two days ago and i ask my daughter to pick out two sausages for her, and i'll pick two for me. she insisted on getting the greek sausage. she recently had gyros for the first time and i guess equated that flavor with everything greek. the greek sausage has black olive, feta, and balsamic in it. i ask if she's certain, and she insists. i knew it would go poorly later that night but i thought this would be a valuable lesson. i got my favourite sausages, she got something new. well, she hated it. she took one bite and fake gagged. i told her i warned her. she asked if she could have mine but then i'm stuck with the greek sausage. i told her no deal. she himmed and hawed for 15 minutes before asking me to make her something else. i'm not a restaurant: you eat what i make, plus she picked it herself. she either ate it or nothing else for the rest of the night. she ended up eating half of one and legitimately had sweats from forcing herself before i relented and let her leave the table. i'm a single father so it's not like i can check in with a wife or spouse to see if i was wrong. this is how i was raised, and this would teach her to play it safe with food. if she wants to get adventurous, that's on her. but she's also only 9. i don't think i made the wrong decision but did i? [/INST] yta. why be so mean? she’s only 9 and she was willing to give it a try, you could have made her some toast or something when it was clear she really hated it. edit to add: i also don’t get why you want to punish her for being an adventurous eater. why do you see that as a bad thing? </s>
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AITA for telling my husband to get over himself when he started berating me for not picking up his brother's son from school?
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my husband (37) took his nephew (12) in after his dad (my husband's brother) was diagnosed with cancer. he told me that his nephew would be staying with us til his dad completes his chemo treatment. i agreed although he did not consult me about it first. but i told him that he'll be his responsibilty not mine. he asked me to explain why and i told him it's because 1. he didn't consult me before taking his nephew in, and 2. i'm not equiped nor experienced in taking care/being committed to child care. i still have to cook and clean obviously. he said it was fine and that he'd be taking care of him on his own.
the other day he called me in the afternoon saying he was stuck in a 2hr meeting and asked if i could go pick his nephew up from school. i said i was having lunch with mom and discussing family issues. he insisted but i reminded him that he said he'd be taking care of his nephew including school pickup/dropoff. i suggested he try to get off work or call some family member to go pick him up. he tried to argue but i hung up.
i went home at 3 and surprisinglyfound my husband there. he was angry he started yelling at me calling me selfish and unfeeling. i told him that his lack of mamagement wasn't my fault. he yelled saying that my lunch with mom could've "fucking" waited but i chose to be "fucking petty" just to prove a point. i said that wasn't true and told him to get over himself and stop acting like he was the victim when he put himself in this situation knowing he wouldn't commit. he yelled that ge was trying to do all he can to help his brother out but it was me who's playing victim after i refused to help out. we argued some more and i ended up going to stay with my mom for the night.
he texted me some choice words that's when i turned my phone off. we're still arguing about it.
| 19,525 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y2vljs/aita_for_telling_my_husband_to_get_over_himself/
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2022-10-13 10:52:27
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yta
“i suggested… he call some family member to go pick him up”.
that’s exactly what he did. his wife, who should be a partner in the relationship.
you’re displaying zero empathy to a family suffering through the effects of cancer. your husband may lose his brother, and your nephew his dad, but you’d rather score petty points because you weren’t consulted about helping family going through chemotherapy.
you’d better hope you never get cancer because i’m not sure you’ll have a support system.
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yta. cold, heartless, petty. also, weird that you’re married yet you chose to call this child your “*husbands nephew*” and never once do you say “*our nephew*” even though you are his aunt by marriage.
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wow this is the most cold hearted shit i ever read. strong yta here. that's your husband and your nephew, they are your family. you speak about your nephew like he's a dog and not a human child. the child who's dad has cancer needing collecting from school far outweighs your need for a lunch date with your mom, as does your husband's need to be at work. could you and your mom not have collected him together and taken him for a bite to eat afterwards? even if it's not something you wish to do on a regular basis, why won't you help your husband out on just one occasion? you're supposed to be a team, and this is one of the most selfish things i've ever read, fair play to your husband for putting up with this he's a better person than i.
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esh. your husband should never have sprung a whole entire child on you without consultation. and i understand not wanting to give an inch lest your husband take a mile.
*but.* you also picked an ah hill to die on. it would not have required a great feat of childcare to pick the damn kid up from school. his father is already gravely ill, he's been transferred out of his home, and one of the adults in his new home basically wants to pretend he doesn't exist. this kid is traumatized enough and you were willing to let him feel even more abandoned to prove a point to your husband. that's just foul.
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yta - you didn’t want the kid in the house so you decide to take it out on the kid? that’s cruel. why couldn’t you and your mom discuss family issues in the car to get the kid?? he’s 12, he can be picked up and just dropped off and you can continue on with your lunch. that poor child, you’re treating him like an inconvenience while he’s also trying to cope with his father having cancer, he’s properly going to internalize that for the rest of his life
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what the hell did i just read yta
not only is this child going through an incredibly difficult time, i'm sure your husband is too! his brother is going through chemo! should he have asked before taking the kid in? absolutely. but your insistence on refusing to help a child, who is your nephew as well, btw, is petty and selfish. grow up please. have some empathy.
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damn, this must be so hard for you. driving to a school? then picking up a kid? then you have to go home!?! all interrupting your lunch date with your mom! oh, the humanity!
his dad has fucking cancer. get a grip & stop being self-centered child. he's not a fucking dog, you can't just say "you brought him home he's not my problem." wtf?
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yta - and being you’re married, the boy is your nephew too and he’s going through an emotionally difficult time. you were being petty, and vindictive and unfortunately the 12 year old is your victim. i can only imagine how unwanted he feels in his aunt and uncle’s home.
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esh.
your husband obviously should have spoken with you before making a big commitment that affects you both.
you’re punishing your nephew for your husband’s choices. poor kid is already facing the serious illness of his father, and is being separated from his family.
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yta
you couldn't have helped out even this once? your nephew is already having a horrible time with his dad being so sick. he's 12 he knows exactly what is going on. and now he also feels like his aunt, his family who should be supporting him see him as a burden.
i get that your husband should have talked to you first and i agree he should have. but, that poor child has done nothing wrong and needs support right now.
you were being selfish and trying to prove a point at the expense of a child. what's wrong with you.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
| 0.002566 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband (37) took his nephew (12) in after his dad (my husband's brother) was diagnosed with cancer. he told me that his nephew would be staying with us til his dad completes his chemo treatment. i agreed although he did not consult me about it first. but i told him that he'll be his responsibilty not mine. he asked me to explain why and i told him it's because 1. he didn't consult me before taking his nephew in, and 2. i'm not equiped nor experienced in taking care/being committed to child care. i still have to cook and clean obviously. he said it was fine and that he'd be taking care of him on his own. the other day he called me in the afternoon saying he was stuck in a 2hr meeting and asked if i could go pick his nephew up from school. i said i was having lunch with mom and discussing family issues. he insisted but i reminded him that he said he'd be taking care of his nephew including school pickup/dropoff. i suggested he try to get off work or call some family member to go pick him up. he tried to argue but i hung up. i went home at 3 and surprisinglyfound my husband there. he was angry he started yelling at me calling me selfish and unfeeling. i told him that his lack of mamagement wasn't my fault. he yelled saying that my lunch with mom could've "fucking" waited but i chose to be "fucking petty" just to prove a point. i said that wasn't true and told him to get over himself and stop acting like he was the victim when he put himself in this situation knowing he wouldn't commit. he yelled that ge was trying to do all he can to help his brother out but it was me who's playing victim after i refused to help out. we argued some more and i ended up going to stay with my mom for the night. he texted me some choice words that's when i turned my phone off. we're still arguing about it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband (37) took his nephew (12) in after his dad (my husband's brother) was diagnosed with cancer. he told me that his nephew would be staying with us til his dad completes his chemo treatment. i agreed although he did not consult me about it first. but i told him that he'll be his responsibilty not mine. he asked me to explain why and i told him it's because 1. he didn't consult me before taking his nephew in, and 2. i'm not equiped nor experienced in taking care/being committed to child care. i still have to cook and clean obviously. he said it was fine and that he'd be taking care of him on his own. the other day he called me in the afternoon saying he was stuck in a 2hr meeting and asked if i could go pick his nephew up from school. i said i was having lunch with mom and discussing family issues. he insisted but i reminded him that he said he'd be taking care of his nephew including school pickup/dropoff. i suggested he try to get off work or call some family member to go pick him up. he tried to argue but i hung up. i went home at 3 and surprisinglyfound my husband there. he was angry he started yelling at me calling me selfish and unfeeling. i told him that his lack of mamagement wasn't my fault. he yelled saying that my lunch with mom could've "fucking" waited but i chose to be "fucking petty" just to prove a point. i said that wasn't true and told him to get over himself and stop acting like he was the victim when he put himself in this situation knowing he wouldn't commit. he yelled that ge was trying to do all he can to help his brother out but it was me who's playing victim after i refused to help out. we argued some more and i ended up going to stay with my mom for the night. he texted me some choice words that's when i turned my phone off. we're still arguing about it. [/INST] yta “i suggested… he call some family member to go pick him up”. that’s exactly what he did. his wife, who should be a partner in the relationship. you’re displaying zero empathy to a family suffering through the effects of cancer. your husband may lose his brother, and your nephew his dad, but you’d rather score petty points because you weren’t consulted about helping family going through chemotherapy. you’d better hope you never get cancer because i’m not sure you’ll have a support system. </s>
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AITA for using the 'hidden' women's bathroom stalls when there's a long line?
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okay this is so stupid and i really feel like i'm nta but my friend is adamant that i am so i'm seeking reddit's opinion via a throwaway account.
my girl friends and i were recently at canada's wonderland and having been there dozens of times since i was a kid (am now in my 20s), i know that the women's bathroom at the front of the park has "additional stalls" at the back of the bathroom.
so basically there's about 10-15 stalls at first sight and then at the far back, there's a sign that says "additional stalls ->" and there's 4 stalls that are never, ever being used because they're off in their own corner room.
well, for the last few times i've been to the park, there's always a long line (like 15 women sometimes) and i always go straight to the back room to check if anybody is there. there never is and i use the bathroom stalls there. on my way out i'll always tell other women"hey there's stalls back there" to which they say thank you.
my friend now thinks i'm selfish and rude for doing this. she thinks that i should always go to the front of the line, tell the women about the bathrooms in the back, and then join the line at the end.
i don't see it this way because the sign is so clear and it's not my fault they're not seeing these additional stalls. not only that but walking to the front of the line, saying that, and then going to the back of the line is awkward as hell.
my friend hasn't let it go and is now saying she "sees a different side" of me. this is something i truly don't think is that big of a deal and my friend is making me feel terrible, i'm starting to question if she's right?
please tell me if i'm wrong, seriously, i don't get it.
tl;dr: apparently i'm an asshole for utilizing bathroom stalls that nobody ever uses because they don't know they're there.
| 17,867 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cxl0j7/aita_for_using_the_hidden_womens_bathroom_stalls/
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2019-08-30 18:39:02
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nta. women’s restroom lines are brutal. it’s not your fault for paying attention.
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my british queuing genes want to call you an asshole, but seriously, nta. it’s on them if they don’t follow the signs.
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nta
it’s like a trade-off: for “skipping” the line, you tell the women about the stalls in the back so the lines move quicker. the time you took to relieve yourself first is little compared to the time saved with the extra stalls.
plus, it’s a small thing. no need to worry about it too much.
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nta, but i think it's nice that you tell other women afterwards.
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nta and your friend is a fucking weirdo for thinking less of your character over it
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nta- i would do the same, the others in line are free to follow you or look themselves. your friend is being dramatic!
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[deleted]
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thumbs up, because this is seriously such a debatable post.
on one hand, its not your job to tell me how to use a bathroom. my husband is always telling me to mind my business... this would be one of those times.
on the other hand... theres a line. you are blatantly skipping the line.
but... no one would be using those stalls so its not technically cutting in line.
&#x200b;
when in doubt, nah.
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nta ! your friend is acting like a child. and it's not your responsibility to make sure everyone reads the signs.
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nta, i do the same thing. the washrooms closest to the front gate. if you walk to the end there's a right hand turn that leads to another set of stalls.
i've always figured people would either follow me or ya know, read the signs.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.000485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: okay this is so stupid and i really feel like i'm nta but my friend is adamant that i am so i'm seeking reddit's opinion via a throwaway account. my girl friends and i were recently at canada's wonderland and having been there dozens of times since i was a kid (am now in my 20s), i know that the women's bathroom at the front of the park has "additional stalls" at the back of the bathroom. so basically there's about 10-15 stalls at first sight and then at the far back, there's a sign that says "additional stalls ->" and there's 4 stalls that are never, ever being used because they're off in their own corner room. well, for the last few times i've been to the park, there's always a long line (like 15 women sometimes) and i always go straight to the back room to check if anybody is there. there never is and i use the bathroom stalls there. on my way out i'll always tell other women"hey there's stalls back there" to which they say thank you. my friend now thinks i'm selfish and rude for doing this. she thinks that i should always go to the front of the line, tell the women about the bathrooms in the back, and then join the line at the end. i don't see it this way because the sign is so clear and it's not my fault they're not seeing these additional stalls. not only that but walking to the front of the line, saying that, and then going to the back of the line is awkward as hell. my friend hasn't let it go and is now saying she "sees a different side" of me. this is something i truly don't think is that big of a deal and my friend is making me feel terrible, i'm starting to question if she's right? please tell me if i'm wrong, seriously, i don't get it. tl;dr: apparently i'm an asshole for utilizing bathroom stalls that nobody ever uses because they don't know they're there.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
okay this is so stupid and i really feel like i'm nta but my friend is adamant that i am so i'm seeking reddit's opinion via a throwaway account. my girl friends and i were recently at canada's wonderland and having been there dozens of times since i was a kid (am now in my 20s), i know that the women's bathroom at the front of the park has "additional stalls" at the back of the bathroom. so basically there's about 10-15 stalls at first sight and then at the far back, there's a sign that says "additional stalls ->" and there's 4 stalls that are never, ever being used because they're off in their own corner room. well, for the last few times i've been to the park, there's always a long line (like 15 women sometimes) and i always go straight to the back room to check if anybody is there. there never is and i use the bathroom stalls there. on my way out i'll always tell other women"hey there's stalls back there" to which they say thank you. my friend now thinks i'm selfish and rude for doing this. she thinks that i should always go to the front of the line, tell the women about the bathrooms in the back, and then join the line at the end. i don't see it this way because the sign is so clear and it's not my fault they're not seeing these additional stalls. not only that but walking to the front of the line, saying that, and then going to the back of the line is awkward as hell. my friend hasn't let it go and is now saying she "sees a different side" of me. this is something i truly don't think is that big of a deal and my friend is making me feel terrible, i'm starting to question if she's right? please tell me if i'm wrong, seriously, i don't get it. tl;dr: apparently i'm an asshole for utilizing bathroom stalls that nobody ever uses because they don't know they're there. [/INST] nta. women’s restroom lines are brutal. it’s not your fault for paying attention. </s>
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AITA for serving myself the biggest piece of meat?
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my boyfriend and i have been together for about 2 1/2 years. we live together as of recently (4 monthsish) and we get along pretty well. we have a lot of separate hobbies, and one of mine is hiking. i wouldn't call myself a "peak bagger" but i do like to add mountain summits to my hikes when i can. bf doesn't enjoy hiking more than occasionally so he rarely comes along.
for reference, i am a 5'3" 150lb woman. he is a 5'7 170lb guy.
on sunday i went for a long, strenuous hike with my friends. if you're familiar, it's 13er james peak in co. it was a 9 mile, 3,000ft elevation gain hike (from where we started). i had a fun time and went home and did my usual workout (short run, weights, some light yoga) after. suffice to say, i was pretty hungry by dinner time. i made dinner, which was grilled chicken with lots of grilled veg, some pasta salad as a side. when it came time to eat, because of my big day, i grabbed the bigger piece of chicken. we're talking a 5oz piece versus a 7oz piece.
bf got upset about this when he saw my plate versus hit place, and he made a pretty big deal out of it. he told me that there's no reason for me to serve myself such a big piece of meat, he's the guy and he should have it. i told him that i'd hiked and done my workout that day, and that he puttered around the house and went for a short (5 mile) run.
he told me that growing up, he was always taught that the man got the biggest piece of meat because men need more to sustain themselves in general. i said that i agreed, but again, i'd climbed a mountain that day and burned much more than he did. he told me i should accept the good calorie deficit, or load up on the pasta salad and veggies instead.
we've been arguing about this for days and he tagged some friends in and asked his parents (who said to keep them out of it, lol). so far people are split, some believe even if he didn't do much that day it's just weird for a woman to actively try to eat more than her boyfriend. i think that's stupid and outdated and comes from a time when men tended to do more physical labor in general.
aita? is this just really dumb?
| 20,702 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bzr0h7/aita_for_serving_myself_the_biggest_piece_of_meat/
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2019-06-12 13:07:51
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nta
your boyfriend sounds like a petulant child if this is the hill he's willing to die on. as far as i'm concerned, "i cooked so i get the bigger piece" is all the justification you need, let alone the difference in activity the two of you had that day.
>he told me that growing up, he was always taught that the man got the biggest piece of meat
sounds like your boyfriend was taught to be a misogynist. men don't need more energy by default. i can tell you that someone like serena williams needs *vastly* more food for upkeep than my male couch potato ass does.
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nta. big man move faster to catch big prey next time.
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nta. if your boyfriend wants more food, he should start cooking.
edit; just saw this bit
>he told me i should accept the good calorie deficit
what’s that supposed to mean?
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nta.
are you living with a caveman?
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nta - how are you talking to us from the 1950s? can you let us know how the time travel technology you're using to post this in the 21st century works?
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nta and btw that comment about "men need more meat" is just utter horseshit. there are a zillion factors to take into account including the fact that you hiked a mountain and he sat on his ass. to make a big deal about this over 2 f'in oz. is just redonk.
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nta and it's mind boggling to me that this is a multi day argument.
&#x200b;
>some believe even if he didn't do much that day it's just weird for a woman to actively try to eat more than her boyfriend.
lol, what? who are these people and what century do they live in?
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nta - tell him to fuck off with that "me man, need meat, you woman" caveman bullshit. you cooked dinner, right? next time he cooks, he can have the biggest piece.
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nta- if he wants a bigger piece, then get him to prepare his own dinner.
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what a stupid thing to argue about
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my boyfriend and i have been together for about 2 1/2 years. we live together as of recently (4 monthsish) and we get along pretty well. we have a lot of separate hobbies, and one of mine is hiking. i wouldn't call myself a "peak bagger" but i do like to add mountain summits to my hikes when i can. bf doesn't enjoy hiking more than occasionally so he rarely comes along. for reference, i am a 5'3" 150lb woman. he is a 5'7 170lb guy. on sunday i went for a long, strenuous hike with my friends. if you're familiar, it's 13er james peak in co. it was a 9 mile, 3,000ft elevation gain hike (from where we started). i had a fun time and went home and did my usual workout (short run, weights, some light yoga) after. suffice to say, i was pretty hungry by dinner time. i made dinner, which was grilled chicken with lots of grilled veg, some pasta salad as a side. when it came time to eat, because of my big day, i grabbed the bigger piece of chicken. we're talking a 5oz piece versus a 7oz piece. bf got upset about this when he saw my plate versus hit place, and he made a pretty big deal out of it. he told me that there's no reason for me to serve myself such a big piece of meat, he's the guy and he should have it. i told him that i'd hiked and done my workout that day, and that he puttered around the house and went for a short (5 mile) run. he told me that growing up, he was always taught that the man got the biggest piece of meat because men need more to sustain themselves in general. i said that i agreed, but again, i'd climbed a mountain that day and burned much more than he did. he told me i should accept the good calorie deficit, or load up on the pasta salad and veggies instead. we've been arguing about this for days and he tagged some friends in and asked his parents (who said to keep them out of it, lol). so far people are split, some believe even if he didn't do much that day it's just weird for a woman to actively try to eat more than her boyfriend. i think that's stupid and outdated and comes from a time when men tended to do more physical labor in general. aita? is this just really dumb?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my boyfriend and i have been together for about 2 1/2 years. we live together as of recently (4 monthsish) and we get along pretty well. we have a lot of separate hobbies, and one of mine is hiking. i wouldn't call myself a "peak bagger" but i do like to add mountain summits to my hikes when i can. bf doesn't enjoy hiking more than occasionally so he rarely comes along. for reference, i am a 5'3" 150lb woman. he is a 5'7 170lb guy. on sunday i went for a long, strenuous hike with my friends. if you're familiar, it's 13er james peak in co. it was a 9 mile, 3,000ft elevation gain hike (from where we started). i had a fun time and went home and did my usual workout (short run, weights, some light yoga) after. suffice to say, i was pretty hungry by dinner time. i made dinner, which was grilled chicken with lots of grilled veg, some pasta salad as a side. when it came time to eat, because of my big day, i grabbed the bigger piece of chicken. we're talking a 5oz piece versus a 7oz piece. bf got upset about this when he saw my plate versus hit place, and he made a pretty big deal out of it. he told me that there's no reason for me to serve myself such a big piece of meat, he's the guy and he should have it. i told him that i'd hiked and done my workout that day, and that he puttered around the house and went for a short (5 mile) run. he told me that growing up, he was always taught that the man got the biggest piece of meat because men need more to sustain themselves in general. i said that i agreed, but again, i'd climbed a mountain that day and burned much more than he did. he told me i should accept the good calorie deficit, or load up on the pasta salad and veggies instead. we've been arguing about this for days and he tagged some friends in and asked his parents (who said to keep them out of it, lol). so far people are split, some believe even if he didn't do much that day it's just weird for a woman to actively try to eat more than her boyfriend. i think that's stupid and outdated and comes from a time when men tended to do more physical labor in general. aita? is this just really dumb? [/INST] nta your boyfriend sounds like a petulant child if this is the hill he's willing to die on. as far as i'm concerned, "i cooked so i get the bigger piece" is all the justification you need, let alone the difference in activity the two of you had that day. >he told me that growing up, he was always taught that the man got the biggest piece of meat sounds like your boyfriend was taught to be a misogynist. men don't need more energy by default. i can tell you that someone like serena williams needs *vastly* more food for upkeep than my male couch potato ass does. </s>
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AITA Boyfriend found my clean "period panties" and made me feel crappy about it
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hey all, my boyfriend is 27 and i'm 24. we've been together for almost two years.
my boyfriend is extremely hygienic in all ways. like showers twice a day, washes his clothes after every single wear, don't leave a single dish in the sink dirty. if you ask me, he's a little over the top on how clean he and everything around the house needs to be 24/7. he will scrub his body 3 separate times in one shower cycle just to make sure he doesn't miss any dirt. his showers are easily an hour most days if not more. i obviously have good basic hygiene skills, but i am much more relaxed. for example, i will wear a t-shirt twice before washing it so long as it's not stained, covered in something, or stinky. or i might leave a few dishes in the sink for a few hours after dinner before i get up and wash them. he would prefer i didn't and just kept everything to a t right away.
yesterday night we were doing laundry. we always air-dry our clothes to save money and to reduce fading and shrinking. usually i am the laundry person but on a one off he happened to be the one to take the clothes out of the washer and lay them out to dry. he came across one of my pairs of panties that i specifically only wear during that time of the month. i'm certain ladies will understand that we keep panties separate for periods than we do for when we aren't. aka i have my ugly or maybe blood stained pairs for my period, and my cute and well kempt ones for when i'm not on my period.
anyways, upon seeing these, he told me that i need to throw that pair away and that it's disgusting and unhygienic. he made quite a few comments about how gross they are despite them being clean but just blood stained from a previous period/spotting situation.
i attempted to explain that i keep those pairs solely for when i am bleeding, and that it's a common thing girls do but quickly stopped because i could tell he just disagreed with me and told me that he's pretty sure other girls do not do this.
it made me feel really... i don't know gross? ugly? alienated? i'm not really sure but it definitely made me upset and feel some type of way about something i felt was natural i guess.
i snapped at him to forget my explanation because he's just making me feel like im gross. and a small argument insued because of this. we ended up going to bed kind of frustrsted with each other but i dont think im in the wrong. aita?
*edit* to add that "black panties" don't exactly work for me because i have an iud and my period (and spotting) is very sporadic. i could go 3 months without a period, or i could have it two months in a row. i could have some random light spotting, or the full blown waterfall. there's really not consistency due to my iud. so i can't exactly "plan out" when to start wearing those specific black period panties.
| 19,679 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ye3rme/aita_boyfriend_found_my_clean_period_panties_and/
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2022-10-26 17:28:17
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nta - it is perfectly normal and hygienic.
also - consider for a moment that the two of you are hang drying all of your clothes to save money, but he takes an hour-long shower (and i assume a hot one) every single day. if he cut that down to 15 minutes, the two of you could afford to run the dyer every once in awhile. which might be nice for, you know, the person who is primarily responsible for doing the laundry.
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nta
i think bf has a mental illness that is not being treated. scrubbing his body 3x twice a day is not healthy—physically or mentally.
keep in mind, if he stays like this you can never have kids with this guy. kids are disgusting, barfing, puking, crapping stain machines.
btw: many women wear their period stained underwear any time they’re clean.
i hope he gets help.
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nta. period panties are 100000% a thing. if you keep them well washed, why waste money?
i am kind of concerned about your partner's behaviors, has he seen someone about his obsessive/compulsive tendencies?
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nta. menstruation is a natural function for half the population.
and for the future: cold water works best to remove bloodstains, so try to rinse or soak with cold water as soon as possible. i'd be more likely to ditch the bf than the panties, though.
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nta- also, he sounds a lot neurotic and possibly ocd.
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nta. man is basically trying to mansplain a period, lol. but in all seriousness, as some who has ocd, i’m pretty sure your boyfriend has severe ocd
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if your boyfriend isn't mature enough to handle period panties, he shouldn't be with a woman
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nta.
not sure how good. comparison this is, but it's like having old.clothes to wear to paint the house. yes they look all messy and have stains, but that's their purpose.
it's not like that pair has never been washed.
don't have any guilt or bad feelings over this.
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nta- if he can't take you at your "period panties", he doesn't deserve you at your sexy time lingerie.
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nta - all girls and people afab have pants like that. you're not gross in any way. he clearly knows fuck all about the female body. menstrual blood is the cleanest in the body, and your pants were clean, just stained. he overreacted. also washing clothes immediately after wearing them, staying in the shower that long etc. is a huge waste of water
side note: is it possible he has some form of ocd and germaphobia?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: hey all, my boyfriend is 27 and i'm 24. we've been together for almost two years. my boyfriend is extremely hygienic in all ways. like showers twice a day, washes his clothes after every single wear, don't leave a single dish in the sink dirty. if you ask me, he's a little over the top on how clean he and everything around the house needs to be 24/7. he will scrub his body 3 separate times in one shower cycle just to make sure he doesn't miss any dirt. his showers are easily an hour most days if not more. i obviously have good basic hygiene skills, but i am much more relaxed. for example, i will wear a t-shirt twice before washing it so long as it's not stained, covered in something, or stinky. or i might leave a few dishes in the sink for a few hours after dinner before i get up and wash them. he would prefer i didn't and just kept everything to a t right away. yesterday night we were doing laundry. we always air-dry our clothes to save money and to reduce fading and shrinking. usually i am the laundry person but on a one off he happened to be the one to take the clothes out of the washer and lay them out to dry. he came across one of my pairs of panties that i specifically only wear during that time of the month. i'm certain ladies will understand that we keep panties separate for periods than we do for when we aren't. aka i have my ugly or maybe blood stained pairs for my period, and my cute and well kempt ones for when i'm not on my period. anyways, upon seeing these, he told me that i need to throw that pair away and that it's disgusting and unhygienic. he made quite a few comments about how gross they are despite them being clean but just blood stained from a previous period/spotting situation. i attempted to explain that i keep those pairs solely for when i am bleeding, and that it's a common thing girls do but quickly stopped because i could tell he just disagreed with me and told me that he's pretty sure other girls do not do this. it made me feel really... i don't know gross? ugly? alienated? i'm not really sure but it definitely made me upset and feel some type of way about something i felt was natural i guess. i snapped at him to forget my explanation because he's just making me feel like im gross. and a small argument insued because of this. we ended up going to bed kind of frustrsted with each other but i dont think im in the wrong. aita? *edit* to add that "black panties" don't exactly work for me because i have an iud and my period (and spotting) is very sporadic. i could go 3 months without a period, or i could have it two months in a row. i could have some random light spotting, or the full blown waterfall. there's really not consistency due to my iud. so i can't exactly "plan out" when to start wearing those specific black period panties.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
hey all, my boyfriend is 27 and i'm 24. we've been together for almost two years. my boyfriend is extremely hygienic in all ways. like showers twice a day, washes his clothes after every single wear, don't leave a single dish in the sink dirty. if you ask me, he's a little over the top on how clean he and everything around the house needs to be 24/7. he will scrub his body 3 separate times in one shower cycle just to make sure he doesn't miss any dirt. his showers are easily an hour most days if not more. i obviously have good basic hygiene skills, but i am much more relaxed. for example, i will wear a t-shirt twice before washing it so long as it's not stained, covered in something, or stinky. or i might leave a few dishes in the sink for a few hours after dinner before i get up and wash them. he would prefer i didn't and just kept everything to a t right away. yesterday night we were doing laundry. we always air-dry our clothes to save money and to reduce fading and shrinking. usually i am the laundry person but on a one off he happened to be the one to take the clothes out of the washer and lay them out to dry. he came across one of my pairs of panties that i specifically only wear during that time of the month. i'm certain ladies will understand that we keep panties separate for periods than we do for when we aren't. aka i have my ugly or maybe blood stained pairs for my period, and my cute and well kempt ones for when i'm not on my period. anyways, upon seeing these, he told me that i need to throw that pair away and that it's disgusting and unhygienic. he made quite a few comments about how gross they are despite them being clean but just blood stained from a previous period/spotting situation. i attempted to explain that i keep those pairs solely for when i am bleeding, and that it's a common thing girls do but quickly stopped because i could tell he just disagreed with me and told me that he's pretty sure other girls do not do this. it made me feel really... i don't know gross? ugly? alienated? i'm not really sure but it definitely made me upset and feel some type of way about something i felt was natural i guess. i snapped at him to forget my explanation because he's just making me feel like im gross. and a small argument insued because of this. we ended up going to bed kind of frustrsted with each other but i dont think im in the wrong. aita? *edit* to add that "black panties" don't exactly work for me because i have an iud and my period (and spotting) is very sporadic. i could go 3 months without a period, or i could have it two months in a row. i could have some random light spotting, or the full blown waterfall. there's really not consistency due to my iud. so i can't exactly "plan out" when to start wearing those specific black period panties. [/INST] nta - it is perfectly normal and hygienic. also - consider for a moment that the two of you are hang drying all of your clothes to save money, but he takes an hour-long shower (and i assume a hot one) every single day. if he cut that down to 15 minutes, the two of you could afford to run the dyer every once in awhile. which might be nice for, you know, the person who is primarily responsible for doing the laundry. </s>
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AITA For giving my GF's college friend nicknames after he kept being disrespectful to my GF
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my gf and i have been together for almost 2 years and are in the process of moving in together. due to the whole 2020 thing, we haven't met a lot of each other's friends yet. this past weekend we went to a cabin with a bunch of her college friends who i hadn't met yet. during the weekend there was a lot of drinking involved and a lot of old inside jokes amongst the friend group that i wasn't privy to. the group seemed like good people for the most part, but there was one thing that a couple guys did that rubbed me the wrong way.
my gf has a fairly large chest and these guys were calling her a nickname that rhymes with bits mcfee. after the first few times i kind of raised my eyebrows and looked at my gf and she told me it's just an old nickname and it's harmless and they don't mean anything by it. but it was constant every time they referred to her and at some point during the day saturday, i kind of had enough of it.
we were playing yard games and one of the guys who kept calling my gf the name took his hat off and i noticed he had very thinning hair with a noticeable bald spot. so after a few more times of him calling my gf the nickname, i started calling him mpb. during the games there was a lot of banter and trash talk and i kept referring to him as mpb.
after one of the times i called him that he got this confused look on his face and asked me what the hell that was supposed to mean. i told him since he liked nicknames so much i made one up for him, mpb. he asked what that stood for and i said "male pattern baldness." a lot of the group started laughing and he got really red in the face and looked kind of pissed and embarrassed. after the game finished we went to shake hands and he muttered something under his breath about me being a f\*&\^ing asshole, but i just brushed it off.
my gf wasn't nearby when it happened but someone must have told her about it because she asked me about it. she told me that i shouldn't have said anything to her friend because he's very insecure about his hair loss and i was wrong to make fun of him for it. i told her i was tired of them being disrespectful to her and if they can't take it they shouldn't dish it out. she told me she can take care of herself and these are her friends and she doesn't need me to defend her from them.
the whole thing put a damper on the rest of the weekend and my gf has been kind of icy to me since. i understand they are her friends, but this guy in particular just wouldn't stop and i felt i had to do something.
| 3,471 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/owl586/aita_for_giving_my_gfs_college_friend_nicknames/
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2021-08-02 18:53:33
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yta - lots of guys, especially younger guys, are insecure about their receding hairline. on the other hand, your gf doesn't seem to be insecure about her chest, or the nickname her friends call her. it seems more like *you're* the one who had a problem with her nickname, but that doesn't give you any right to mock her friends.
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esh. as a female, hearing someone use that nickname so often and so comfortably kind of makes me uncomfortable. i don’t know how you could call someone that and not “mean anything by it”. it’s degrading and disgusting, and letting them get away with that is teaching them that it’s okay to sexualize and demean girls like that. i feel bad for his future daughters.
however, its not my job nor is it yours to tell your gf how she feels about that. she’s a big girl who can fight her own battles, and she’s old enough to know how to speak up for herself if it bothers her. it’s her nickname, not yours, and just because you feel weird about it, doesn’t give u a right to be a dick to someone else. (although imo it was a little deserved.)
you didn’t know his hair loss was a huge insecurity of his before you said it, but i’d also go as far as saying he doesn’t know how your girlfriend feels about dudes commenting on her chest randomly. even so, you went at it with ill intent, and that sucks on its own.
sorry if formatting is weird, on mobile.
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nta. people who tease and talk $hit better have thicker skin than that. as for “the other friends”…they laughed. i wonder how many of them have been given a “nickname” by this bro and loved seeing him take one between the eyes. whether or not your gf was offended by it, doesn’t prohibit you from being offended. you dealt with it how it should have been handled…his own medicine.
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[deleted]
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nta,
if some girl came up to you and said "hey, big dick jones, how's it hangin?" your girl would flip.
this is a double standard and other girls here shaming you are being ridiculous.
i'd be furious if a guy i knew was objectifying my chest even "jokingly."
your response to mpb was absolutely outstanding. bravo.
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[removed]
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yta speaking as someone else who also has large bits, if she told you to let it go and that it wasn't disrespectful to her than you should've let it go, and *definitely* shouldn't have tried to 'retaliate'. if my so had done the same i would've been extremely mad that they started mocking my friends over something that wasn't an issue in the first place.
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nta
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esh and by everyone i mean you and the other guy
he sounds like a classic case of someone who can dish out jokes/insults but can't take it when it's aimed at him
on the other hand you're gf wasn't bothered by the nickname so you should have just accepted that and said nothing
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nta it’s such a disrespectful nickname that doesn’t require much insight in their relationship. my friends have a nickname for me involving my boobs but it is actually based on a story that we all found funny. that nickname doesn’t bother my bf. it’s also not a nickname that completely takes over my actual name. if the joke is she has big breasts what’s harmful about pointing out he’s balding? your gf seems like she wants to be the cool chick. these guys have no respect for your gf or you. you should have simply said it made you uncomfortable out loud and had them stop it. but the lack of respect would have pissed me off so bad too
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
| null |
NTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.683457 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my gf and i have been together for almost 2 years and are in the process of moving in together. due to the whole 2020 thing, we haven't met a lot of each other's friends yet. this past weekend we went to a cabin with a bunch of her college friends who i hadn't met yet. during the weekend there was a lot of drinking involved and a lot of old inside jokes amongst the friend group that i wasn't privy to. the group seemed like good people for the most part, but there was one thing that a couple guys did that rubbed me the wrong way. my gf has a fairly large chest and these guys were calling her a nickname that rhymes with bits mcfee. after the first few times i kind of raised my eyebrows and looked at my gf and she told me it's just an old nickname and it's harmless and they don't mean anything by it. but it was constant every time they referred to her and at some point during the day saturday, i kind of had enough of it. we were playing yard games and one of the guys who kept calling my gf the name took his hat off and i noticed he had very thinning hair with a noticeable bald spot. so after a few more times of him calling my gf the nickname, i started calling him mpb. during the games there was a lot of banter and trash talk and i kept referring to him as mpb. after one of the times i called him that he got this confused look on his face and asked me what the hell that was supposed to mean. i told him since he liked nicknames so much i made one up for him, mpb. he asked what that stood for and i said "male pattern baldness." a lot of the group started laughing and he got really red in the face and looked kind of pissed and embarrassed. after the game finished we went to shake hands and he muttered something under his breath about me being a f\*&\^ing asshole, but i just brushed it off. my gf wasn't nearby when it happened but someone must have told her about it because she asked me about it. she told me that i shouldn't have said anything to her friend because he's very insecure about his hair loss and i was wrong to make fun of him for it. i told her i was tired of them being disrespectful to her and if they can't take it they shouldn't dish it out. she told me she can take care of herself and these are her friends and she doesn't need me to defend her from them. the whole thing put a damper on the rest of the weekend and my gf has been kind of icy to me since. i understand they are her friends, but this guy in particular just wouldn't stop and i felt i had to do something.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my gf and i have been together for almost 2 years and are in the process of moving in together. due to the whole 2020 thing, we haven't met a lot of each other's friends yet. this past weekend we went to a cabin with a bunch of her college friends who i hadn't met yet. during the weekend there was a lot of drinking involved and a lot of old inside jokes amongst the friend group that i wasn't privy to. the group seemed like good people for the most part, but there was one thing that a couple guys did that rubbed me the wrong way. my gf has a fairly large chest and these guys were calling her a nickname that rhymes with bits mcfee. after the first few times i kind of raised my eyebrows and looked at my gf and she told me it's just an old nickname and it's harmless and they don't mean anything by it. but it was constant every time they referred to her and at some point during the day saturday, i kind of had enough of it. we were playing yard games and one of the guys who kept calling my gf the name took his hat off and i noticed he had very thinning hair with a noticeable bald spot. so after a few more times of him calling my gf the nickname, i started calling him mpb. during the games there was a lot of banter and trash talk and i kept referring to him as mpb. after one of the times i called him that he got this confused look on his face and asked me what the hell that was supposed to mean. i told him since he liked nicknames so much i made one up for him, mpb. he asked what that stood for and i said "male pattern baldness." a lot of the group started laughing and he got really red in the face and looked kind of pissed and embarrassed. after the game finished we went to shake hands and he muttered something under his breath about me being a f\*&\^ing asshole, but i just brushed it off. my gf wasn't nearby when it happened but someone must have told her about it because she asked me about it. she told me that i shouldn't have said anything to her friend because he's very insecure about his hair loss and i was wrong to make fun of him for it. i told her i was tired of them being disrespectful to her and if they can't take it they shouldn't dish it out. she told me she can take care of herself and these are her friends and she doesn't need me to defend her from them. the whole thing put a damper on the rest of the weekend and my gf has been kind of icy to me since. i understand they are her friends, but this guy in particular just wouldn't stop and i felt i had to do something. [/INST] yta - lots of guys, especially younger guys, are insecure about their receding hairline. on the other hand, your gf doesn't seem to be insecure about her chest, or the nickname her friends call her. it seems more like *you're* the one who had a problem with her nickname, but that doesn't give you any right to mock her friends. </s>
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AITA for grounding my daughter the way I did?
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so my 15-year-old daughter wanted to go hang out at a friend's place (call friend hannah) and go to the mall and then stay at the hannahs place overnight, i knew the girl and the girl's mum so i agreed.
she packs her bag and gives me a hug and leaves.
at around 10 i decided to text hannah's mum to ask how it's going and she gets super confused at my question, i said you have my daughter right? she goes no, hannah is with her dad this weekend i have no teens with me atm.
so she calls hannah's dad to sort the situation out and he tells her that he is still at work and hannah should be home alone.
i walk over to hannah's mums house and we drive up to hannah's dads.
turns out hannah and my daughter wanted to get drunk and throw a house party with older guys, i was seeing red at this point and grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out.
when we got home i made her hand over her phone and laptop which she has lost the privilege of having for 2 weeks (exluding school work) and she is banned from going to the shops with friends for 2 months.
my family/ some friends are saying that's a tad harsh and now i'm worried i made the punishment to long.
aita?
| 19,626 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/barg6e/aita_for_grounding_my_daughter_the_way_i_did/
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2019-04-08 08:54:07
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nta
she took the trust you had in her and used it for things she shouldn’t even have been doing in the first place.
if there were older guys involved, things could have gotten so much worse than what you ended up finding.
if it were me, i’d have probably given a worse punishment, but just know that you have every right to punish her the way you currently are.
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nta
your daughter doesn't see the bigger picture. that party could've messed her up for life. she could've been roofied, developed a drug problem, even gotten into an accident if she decided to go with some drunk guys in their car. you handled the situation perfectly in my opinion.
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nta. she broke your trust in order to do something foolhardy and possibly dangerous, and the punishment is justified.
however, as someone who was previously a teenage girl (now 23), i think that the length of the punishment can be adjusted accordingly. perhaps points rewarded for good behavior or signs of remorse? especially for the 2 month period.
also, try to set some precedents in place to ensure that she doesn't lie about people she's hanging out with - get her to call every few hours, or provide some kind of proof of her whereabouts. every teenager has lied to their parents at some point in their life. hell, there are a couple things my parents would disown me for if they found out. what you have to establish here is trust (probably difficult right now, so give it till the end of the punishment period). you have to assure her that no matter how badly she fucks up, you will be there for her, but that you expect her to learn from her mistakes.
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she lied, nobody knew where she was or if she was ok, she had a party and got drunk without permission.
to harsh?
shit has consequences. she can deal with it.
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nta but make sure your daughter understands that it is coming from a place of love and concern for her well being, don't just take her things away without a discussion. try to get her to talk about why she snuck out, maybe she has friends who pressured her or she feels like she needs a boyfriend, or whatever dramatic teenager emotions she might be having. i think that would help prevent this in the future.
the fact that you are worried you over punished her shows that you are a very thoughtful and loving parent. good luck.
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nta
.. but i do think the 2 month grounding is a bit excessive. i don't know what your daughter is like, but chances are she's going to be miserable and make home-life miserable for everyone else also. two weeks sounds more appropriate, but on the caveat the two of you have a talk first.
for myself, 15 was when i started to try all the bad things. sex, drugs, crime, alcohol, smoking, you name it i was trying it. unfortunately my family was on the cusp of dissolving and had their adult things to take care so for the most part i got away with it. unfortunately x 2 this led me down a bad path for many a year because no one gave me a solid talking to. i suggest having a talk about being responsible with these things, moderation, safety, and what some of the consequences could be. she'll be an adult sooner than later and grounding her isn't teaching her anything, take this moment, this time you still have, and pass on an education.
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nta, you let her live, my parents wouldn't have been that merciful of i did anything half that bad
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nta at all that's a completely fair punishment.
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gonna go against the grain: esh.
your daughter shouldn't have used your trust and broken it, but... you grabbing her, dragging her out, taking away her internet access and banned from going out with her friends? honestly, that's shitty and in future, she'll make sure she doesn't get caught. she's a teenager, they do stupid stuff, they want to drink and they're going to want to have sex. i mean, how much older? if they're over 18 and worse, if they're over 21, then they'll have been manipulating her.
my suggestion is this: take away her internet except for schoolwork for a week, then take it away after 7pm for a month. ban her from seeing her friends for the next two weeks.
then, you need to sit down and talk to her about things. how my dad dealt with the drinking (even though i don't drink and never will):
explain that you're disappointed in her. explain that she broke your trust and that is what she is being punished for. tell her that although it wouldn't be 'her fault', she could have gotten alcohol poisoning, or gotten sick, or those guys could have taken advantage of her and her friend and you (her parent) would have also been destroyed by her being hurt.
tell her that after her punishment is up, if she wants to have a drink, you can take her pocket money and buy her alcohol. you'll be around if she wants to try it. that way she doesn't get wasted on candy flavoured vodka and get sick or get drunk in a strange place.
if her friend is allowed, you're happy to keep them both safe. if she wants a party, you're happy to supervise small parties, again, to keep them safe.
honestly, that's how it's done in norway. most people get to drink in small get togethers, with an adult nearby just in case. you get low alcohol drinks/mixers or a nice wine or beer or two.
and you're not going to want to hear this, but tell her (if the dudes are 16, not like 18 or in their 20s) that if she wants to date them or go further... she needs birth control and you want her to be somewhere safe. make sure she knows about consent, make sure she feels safe to come and tell you whatever.
the reason you suck is because this is a wake-up call for you and your kid growing up. don't just freak out at the potential underage drink and sex - your kid needs to be punished for the breach in trust, but also needs to feel safe enough to come to you. you also need to make the punishment suck, but feel like you can go upwards from there.
maybe find something to do to fill up the empty internet time. find some documentaries, volunteer, pick up the #trashtag thing. make her punishment productive, not just wall climbing boredom.
i have the nasty feeling i'll catch hate for saying this, but what i said worked for me and a family friend back home, works for everyone i know in norway and sweden. plus, it'll teach your kid how to drink safely and responsibly when they encounter it in the wild.
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nta
you did the right thing, she doesn’t see the big picture.
side note, completely irrelevant,
if i did that, my mexican ass wouldn’t see the sun for a year
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so my 15-year-old daughter wanted to go hang out at a friend's place (call friend hannah) and go to the mall and then stay at the hannahs place overnight, i knew the girl and the girl's mum so i agreed. she packs her bag and gives me a hug and leaves. at around 10 i decided to text hannah's mum to ask how it's going and she gets super confused at my question, i said you have my daughter right? she goes no, hannah is with her dad this weekend i have no teens with me atm. so she calls hannah's dad to sort the situation out and he tells her that he is still at work and hannah should be home alone. i walk over to hannah's mums house and we drive up to hannah's dads. turns out hannah and my daughter wanted to get drunk and throw a house party with older guys, i was seeing red at this point and grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out. when we got home i made her hand over her phone and laptop which she has lost the privilege of having for 2 weeks (exluding school work) and she is banned from going to the shops with friends for 2 months. my family/ some friends are saying that's a tad harsh and now i'm worried i made the punishment to long. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so my 15-year-old daughter wanted to go hang out at a friend's place (call friend hannah) and go to the mall and then stay at the hannahs place overnight, i knew the girl and the girl's mum so i agreed. she packs her bag and gives me a hug and leaves. at around 10 i decided to text hannah's mum to ask how it's going and she gets super confused at my question, i said you have my daughter right? she goes no, hannah is with her dad this weekend i have no teens with me atm. so she calls hannah's dad to sort the situation out and he tells her that he is still at work and hannah should be home alone. i walk over to hannah's mums house and we drive up to hannah's dads. turns out hannah and my daughter wanted to get drunk and throw a house party with older guys, i was seeing red at this point and grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out. when we got home i made her hand over her phone and laptop which she has lost the privilege of having for 2 weeks (exluding school work) and she is banned from going to the shops with friends for 2 months. my family/ some friends are saying that's a tad harsh and now i'm worried i made the punishment to long. aita? [/INST] nta she took the trust you had in her and used it for things she shouldn’t even have been doing in the first place. if there were older guys involved, things could have gotten so much worse than what you ended up finding. if it were me, i’d have probably given a worse punishment, but just know that you have every right to punish her the way you currently are. </s>
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AITA for sleeping over at my gfs 4 nights a week making her roommate uncomfortable and causing her to flip out?
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let me preface this by saying that i (24m) and my gf (32f) who we'll call liv, have been seeing each other for close to a year now. i've been living in a shared house with 8 blokes in a small 2x2m room that barely accommodates a single bed. this is the sole reason why she doesn't sleep at mine. i'm saving a lot on rent living here even though the living conditions are poor.
now, i've been staying at my gfs house 4 nights a week for the past few months. her beds bigger for starters and i cant cook at home because it's always congested, so liv and i cook a meal twice a week at hers. she has a roommate who we'll call (bianca) that she's known for quite a few years and they get along fine. i've tried my best to get to know bianca but it's not reciprocated and i can feel the awkward tension between us a mile away. she's never asked a question about what i do for work, or anything of the like, and typically responds with one word answers.
liv told me that bianca feels very uncomfortable living with me. i hate being the cause of her discomfort. whenever i'm at livs house, i don't use the living room and go straight to livs room whenever i arrive (usually late after work). besides cooking with liv, i'm usually mindful of my time spent in the bathroom.
here's where liv and i may have screwed up. we were taking a shower together and took a bit longer than usual (20-30mins). all of a sudden bianca comes out of the room and slams the front door shut and sends liv an angry text about taking too long and that she needed to use the bathroom and that she's selfish etc.
we both put ourselves in her situation and said we would've knocked on the bathroom door to ask us to hurry up if we were busting, but she's a bit more timid than we are.
their relationships gone down the gutters since i came along and i can't help but feel responsible.
on an end note, liv and i want to move in together within a few more months after her lease finishes, but for now we're stuck in this predicament.
my mates telling me i'm an asshole for staying over 4 days a week rent free and i should respect the roommates boundaries and not see her as frequently. but i see it as the next step before moving in together, that i'm only there at night and it's normal for couples to see each other more frequently before they move in. so aita?
| 21,619 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cpa8mv/aita_for_sleeping_over_at_my_gfs_4_nights_a_week/
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2019-08-12 09:54:17
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yta, you've been there for most of the week for the last few months?? you're a third roommate who doesn't pay rent and she never agreed to it.
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yta - you are obviously not visiting, you are living there. and if a couple locks themselves in the bathroom with the shower running for half an hour i wouldn’t start knocking and risk interrupting them bonking. you are definitely making a person feel uncomfortable in their own home and you know it. you and your gf need to rent something together and let bianca get a new roommate, hopefully a grownup this time.
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yta. having been the roommate in this situation, i know from experience how badly it sucks. you always feel like you're in the way of "the couple" and you don't feel comfortable in your own home. taking over the bathroom to have sex in the shower is just one of many, many problems the roommate is forced to deal with--despite the fact that *she's* the one paying rent.
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yta
you apparently "hate being the cause of her discomfort" yet continue to essentially mooch off these people while paying no rent. imagine you actually had a decent place and paid rent and someone decided to simply spend all their time at your place using the excuse that their own place is shit?
get a better place, move in with liv (or not) and quit being a leech.
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to be honest, yta. as your mates have already told you - you live rent free at your gfs house, also invading the life and privacy of her roommate. bianca has way more to consider now than just sharing with your gf. i wouldn't accept this either and i'd be furious with both of you. i think both you and your gf screwed up long before the long shower. your gf definitely is the asshole in this situation as well, allowing this to happen to her roommate ,and the friendship to deteriorate.
you don't want to cook at home and you don't want to live there (really). you chose that living situation because it's cheap - but you spend many nights away. that's not bianca's fault and she shouldn't suffer for your choices.
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> we both put ourselves in her situation **and said we would've knocked on the bathroom door to ask us to hurry up if we were busting**, but she's a bit more timid than we are.
wow. you're seriously trying to justify it with "well she could have said something."
yta and so is your girlfriend. you both sound like incredibly selfish people.
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yta. 4 nights is more than half the week. bianca agreed to live with your girlfriend, not you. you also don't pay rent. i'm sorry your own living conditions are difficult but that doesn't give you the right to do this.
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yta
you and your girlfriend are putting your convenience before the flatmate's rights.
* it's her place, not yours.
* she pays rent, not you.
* she agreed to live with her friend, not you.
what do you even contribute to this place? nothing. you and your girlfriend are being selfish and your actions are making the flatmate uncomfortable in her own home.
> i see it as the next step before moving in together, that i'm only there at night and it's normal for couples to see each other more frequently before they move in
it is normal for couples to do this, however that doesn't give you a free pass to encroach on the flatmate.
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yta, she never agreed to live with a couple.
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yta
your gf should have spoken to her about this before you started spending 4 nights a week there. that girl never agreed to have a boy in the house, even if you're not in the living room. you can't define for her what she's okay with and what she isn't. also, you're not "stuck" in this situation until your gf's lease gets over. go back to your place. it's not the roommate's fault that you live in a small flat. that's your decision. if you hadn't met your gf who could accommodate you in her room, you would still be sleeping in your own flat. so do that.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: let me preface this by saying that i (24m) and my gf (32f) who we'll call liv, have been seeing each other for close to a year now. i've been living in a shared house with 8 blokes in a small 2x2m room that barely accommodates a single bed. this is the sole reason why she doesn't sleep at mine. i'm saving a lot on rent living here even though the living conditions are poor. now, i've been staying at my gfs house 4 nights a week for the past few months. her beds bigger for starters and i cant cook at home because it's always congested, so liv and i cook a meal twice a week at hers. she has a roommate who we'll call (bianca) that she's known for quite a few years and they get along fine. i've tried my best to get to know bianca but it's not reciprocated and i can feel the awkward tension between us a mile away. she's never asked a question about what i do for work, or anything of the like, and typically responds with one word answers. liv told me that bianca feels very uncomfortable living with me. i hate being the cause of her discomfort. whenever i'm at livs house, i don't use the living room and go straight to livs room whenever i arrive (usually late after work). besides cooking with liv, i'm usually mindful of my time spent in the bathroom. here's where liv and i may have screwed up. we were taking a shower together and took a bit longer than usual (20-30mins). all of a sudden bianca comes out of the room and slams the front door shut and sends liv an angry text about taking too long and that she needed to use the bathroom and that she's selfish etc. we both put ourselves in her situation and said we would've knocked on the bathroom door to ask us to hurry up if we were busting, but she's a bit more timid than we are. their relationships gone down the gutters since i came along and i can't help but feel responsible. on an end note, liv and i want to move in together within a few more months after her lease finishes, but for now we're stuck in this predicament. my mates telling me i'm an asshole for staying over 4 days a week rent free and i should respect the roommates boundaries and not see her as frequently. but i see it as the next step before moving in together, that i'm only there at night and it's normal for couples to see each other more frequently before they move in. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
let me preface this by saying that i (24m) and my gf (32f) who we'll call liv, have been seeing each other for close to a year now. i've been living in a shared house with 8 blokes in a small 2x2m room that barely accommodates a single bed. this is the sole reason why she doesn't sleep at mine. i'm saving a lot on rent living here even though the living conditions are poor. now, i've been staying at my gfs house 4 nights a week for the past few months. her beds bigger for starters and i cant cook at home because it's always congested, so liv and i cook a meal twice a week at hers. she has a roommate who we'll call (bianca) that she's known for quite a few years and they get along fine. i've tried my best to get to know bianca but it's not reciprocated and i can feel the awkward tension between us a mile away. she's never asked a question about what i do for work, or anything of the like, and typically responds with one word answers. liv told me that bianca feels very uncomfortable living with me. i hate being the cause of her discomfort. whenever i'm at livs house, i don't use the living room and go straight to livs room whenever i arrive (usually late after work). besides cooking with liv, i'm usually mindful of my time spent in the bathroom. here's where liv and i may have screwed up. we were taking a shower together and took a bit longer than usual (20-30mins). all of a sudden bianca comes out of the room and slams the front door shut and sends liv an angry text about taking too long and that she needed to use the bathroom and that she's selfish etc. we both put ourselves in her situation and said we would've knocked on the bathroom door to ask us to hurry up if we were busting, but she's a bit more timid than we are. their relationships gone down the gutters since i came along and i can't help but feel responsible. on an end note, liv and i want to move in together within a few more months after her lease finishes, but for now we're stuck in this predicament. my mates telling me i'm an asshole for staying over 4 days a week rent free and i should respect the roommates boundaries and not see her as frequently. but i see it as the next step before moving in together, that i'm only there at night and it's normal for couples to see each other more frequently before they move in. so aita? [/INST] yta, you've been there for most of the week for the last few months?? you're a third roommate who doesn't pay rent and she never agreed to it. </s>
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AITA for giving my son's new bike away after the "prank" he pulled on a girl he was friends with?
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so recently i found out my son "jacob" (15) pulled an incredibly cruel "prank" on one of the girls i'll call "ashley" that's in his friend group. i know this girl, she's been to our house and even attended jacob's birthday party a month ago. she seemed incredibly sweet if not a bit shy. so when my oldest son "mark" (17) came to me and told me jacob had asked ashley out on a date as a prank i was stunned.
i of course asked how he could know this, hoping as any mother would that it wasn't true. but mark showed me the family tablet we all use (but mostly my sons do) and it seems jacob forgot to log out of his chatting app, discord. i read the long series of messages between jacob and his friends as they mocked ashley all through this heartless prank. i was speechless. and that's not even getting into how he was talking, like he was some thug and not a 15 year old living in a gated community.
at first i couldn't figure out what to do, or how to proceed. i'll admit that i never once imagined either of my boys would be the type of person to do something like that. but there was no way in hell i was letting this go. so after a day of thought i decided what was going to happen. first things first, he was grounded, for how long i'm not sure. secondly, i'd gotten jacob a bike for his birthday but it hadn't arrived until the day previous and i'd planned to give it to him when my parents came to visit since they'd been unable to make his party.
but instead of that i showed him i knew about the "prank" and told him he was grounded, then i made him carry the new bike out of my bedroom closet and to the car before driving to ashley's house, him crying the whole way. i'd called her parents earlier and explained everything and so once we got there i had him cart it to their front porch and ring the bell. then in front of me, ashley, her parents, and god i had him give a sincere apology and gift her the bike. even i apologized to her, saying i didn't raise my boy this way and what he did was unforgivable. i also called the parents of the other boys who were apart of this little stunt and they all seemed rightfully horrified by their sons' involvement.
i felt i'd handled this all as best as i could, and my friends agreed. though once my parents found out that i'd made jacob give his birthday gift away they said what i did went too far. i still feel like what i did was right but having my parents more or less dog pile on me like this actually made me wonder if how i handled it was too extreme? aita here?
| 22,819 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/su4efr/aita_for_giving_my_sons_new_bike_away_after_the/
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2022-02-16 19:40:26
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nta you did the right thing. if there hadn’t been consequences that hit where it hurt, he may not have learned how unacceptable that behavior is.
that cruelty is sadly common in kids around that age, but this is the absolute right step towards him becoming a good man
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nta! i would have done the same thing. what he did is not ok, that can damage someone’s self confidence, he can handle losing a gift. he should feel awful for what hes done, your parents are just grandparents thinking. they aren’t seeing the big picture. if he keeps going down that path he will end up with a bad group of kids. punish him however you want. boys need to be raised to respect women not tear them down.
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as someone who has been ‘pranked’ like this it’s very refreshing to see you stand up for her and not just excuse away what your son did. i’d also have a long conversation to him about why it wasn’t right but so far i think what you did was right. nta
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nta i still remember 10+ years later when i was in middle school and one kid told me his friend loved me and seeing how angry his friend got afterwards because liking me was such a gross thing. you 100% did the right thing.
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ahhhh esh
a couple of things - jacob was cruel, you made the right call re: bike and grounding.
here's the issue - you seem content to stop there.
he clearly has issues. either this is a deeper problem like misogyny, or he's being a bully. whatever it is, you're going to need to deal with the roots, not just the leaves.
you need to sit him down, and understand why he chose to do what he did. was this a decision he was the ringleader for? was he convinced to do it by someone else? whatever the answer to those questions, why did he go through with it? why was ashley chosen as the target?
you say you raised him better, so what is going on in his life that caused him to act the way he did?
i suspect he may also need to see a therapist depending on his answers to your questions.
another note:
> and that's not even getting into how he was talking, like he was some thug and not a 15 year old living in a gated community
this bit struck me a bit off. it may just be a thoughtless turn of phrase, but it feels like a comment about how your son should be better than what he did because of his wealth and where he lives.
now, i don't know if this is a mindset you actually have. but thoughtless comments like this that you don't think of may well help shape his worldview - which is to say, if he's better than the people you think of as "thugs" because he "lives in a gated community," it's not difficult to say how he'd have gone from there to "i'm better than other people, like ashley," especially if she is from a different economic background than you guys.
again, not saying this is what you actually believe. what i am saying is you may want to look at the way you react as well, and consider whether there are any perspectives you hold that may have inadvertently contributed to his actions and that you should change as well.
you've taken the first steps by punishing him, but leaving it there would be dangerous. you need to take steps to properly address his behavior, not just punish him, and until that happens, esh.
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nta
your son has hopefully learned a lesson here. you're doing tough things a parent needs to do to raise their kids properly.
you could've handled this an easy way, but you did it the hard way and the right way
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nta, by making him give her the bike you made sure he will never forget it.
as a kid, i got grounded and don't remember why now but i guarantee you i remember what i did that caused my parents to cancel my birthday party one year.
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the only person that you didn’t take into consideration was ashley. do you think she wanted that? the bike, the public attention about the prank, she shaming? i understand you had the best intentions in mind, but you overlooked the victim in all of this. and for this, i think you’re ta.
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esh. he deserved a harsh punishment, but you made this poor girl a spectacle. his apology meant nothing with his mommy there forcing it. instead, it was probably a very embarrassing situation having to stand in front of both of their parents and accept a fake apology and a bike she probably didn't even want. now that you've told all of the other boys parents, they're going to make her the enemy. that's only going to make the bullying worse. there are much better ways to teach your son empathy, without making her collateral damage. ground him, find a book that tells what bullying is like from the victims view, have him volunteer at a suicide prevention hotline, have him speak to a mental health professional about what they see from the victims of bullying every day. most importantly, get to the bottom of why he felt this was an appropriate thing to do. why is he so desperate for the approval of others? also, stop acting like being wealthy makes him above doing stupid shit. you claim to have raised him better, but you need to take a hard look at how you treat and talk about others. children are taught empathy by example.
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unpopular but yta. i was onboard until making him give her the bike. do you think she is ever going to ride that thing without associating it back to your ah son? return it, sure. withhold it for months, yes. but gift it to ashley is weird and over the top.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
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YTA
| 0.246103 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so recently i found out my son "jacob" (15) pulled an incredibly cruel "prank" on one of the girls i'll call "ashley" that's in his friend group. i know this girl, she's been to our house and even attended jacob's birthday party a month ago. she seemed incredibly sweet if not a bit shy. so when my oldest son "mark" (17) came to me and told me jacob had asked ashley out on a date as a prank i was stunned. i of course asked how he could know this, hoping as any mother would that it wasn't true. but mark showed me the family tablet we all use (but mostly my sons do) and it seems jacob forgot to log out of his chatting app, discord. i read the long series of messages between jacob and his friends as they mocked ashley all through this heartless prank. i was speechless. and that's not even getting into how he was talking, like he was some thug and not a 15 year old living in a gated community. at first i couldn't figure out what to do, or how to proceed. i'll admit that i never once imagined either of my boys would be the type of person to do something like that. but there was no way in hell i was letting this go. so after a day of thought i decided what was going to happen. first things first, he was grounded, for how long i'm not sure. secondly, i'd gotten jacob a bike for his birthday but it hadn't arrived until the day previous and i'd planned to give it to him when my parents came to visit since they'd been unable to make his party. but instead of that i showed him i knew about the "prank" and told him he was grounded, then i made him carry the new bike out of my bedroom closet and to the car before driving to ashley's house, him crying the whole way. i'd called her parents earlier and explained everything and so once we got there i had him cart it to their front porch and ring the bell. then in front of me, ashley, her parents, and god i had him give a sincere apology and gift her the bike. even i apologized to her, saying i didn't raise my boy this way and what he did was unforgivable. i also called the parents of the other boys who were apart of this little stunt and they all seemed rightfully horrified by their sons' involvement. i felt i'd handled this all as best as i could, and my friends agreed. though once my parents found out that i'd made jacob give his birthday gift away they said what i did went too far. i still feel like what i did was right but having my parents more or less dog pile on me like this actually made me wonder if how i handled it was too extreme? aita here?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so recently i found out my son "jacob" (15) pulled an incredibly cruel "prank" on one of the girls i'll call "ashley" that's in his friend group. i know this girl, she's been to our house and even attended jacob's birthday party a month ago. she seemed incredibly sweet if not a bit shy. so when my oldest son "mark" (17) came to me and told me jacob had asked ashley out on a date as a prank i was stunned. i of course asked how he could know this, hoping as any mother would that it wasn't true. but mark showed me the family tablet we all use (but mostly my sons do) and it seems jacob forgot to log out of his chatting app, discord. i read the long series of messages between jacob and his friends as they mocked ashley all through this heartless prank. i was speechless. and that's not even getting into how he was talking, like he was some thug and not a 15 year old living in a gated community. at first i couldn't figure out what to do, or how to proceed. i'll admit that i never once imagined either of my boys would be the type of person to do something like that. but there was no way in hell i was letting this go. so after a day of thought i decided what was going to happen. first things first, he was grounded, for how long i'm not sure. secondly, i'd gotten jacob a bike for his birthday but it hadn't arrived until the day previous and i'd planned to give it to him when my parents came to visit since they'd been unable to make his party. but instead of that i showed him i knew about the "prank" and told him he was grounded, then i made him carry the new bike out of my bedroom closet and to the car before driving to ashley's house, him crying the whole way. i'd called her parents earlier and explained everything and so once we got there i had him cart it to their front porch and ring the bell. then in front of me, ashley, her parents, and god i had him give a sincere apology and gift her the bike. even i apologized to her, saying i didn't raise my boy this way and what he did was unforgivable. i also called the parents of the other boys who were apart of this little stunt and they all seemed rightfully horrified by their sons' involvement. i felt i'd handled this all as best as i could, and my friends agreed. though once my parents found out that i'd made jacob give his birthday gift away they said what i did went too far. i still feel like what i did was right but having my parents more or less dog pile on me like this actually made me wonder if how i handled it was too extreme? aita here? [/INST] nta you did the right thing. if there hadn’t been consequences that hit where it hurt, he may not have learned how unacceptable that behavior is. that cruelty is sadly common in kids around that age, but this is the absolute right step towards him becoming a good man </s>
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AITA for making my daughter stay with me during my court appointed time?
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so, according to my ex and my kids i'm being the unreasonable one here for acting like the only adult in the situation.
so, i have 3 kids with my ex. my daughter (16) and my two sons (14 & 9). i won't go into details about our divorce or relationship now. just know me and my ex don't get along at all. looking back now, i don't know what i saw in him at all. but that's irrelevant.
me and him have 50/50 custody. we're supposed to switch weeks with them. but recently my daughter has decided that she dosen't want to do that anymore. over the past 9 or 10 months she has insisted on spending more and more of my time at my ex's. it started with her just wanting to spend a day or two extra over but now i'm lucky if i get a full week with her a month. i've tried to be respectful and understanding (she has emotional issues). i've tried to talk to her about this multiple times but she just gets snippy and refuses to talk to me at all. my ex is no help at all (as usual). i've tried to get him to help me understand but he just tells me that it's her choice and that he will remain out of it.
like i said, i've put up with this, even with the huge headaches it's caused. recently though, my sons have also started to show interest in spending more time there as well. well, last night i finally put my foot down.
my daughter finally decided to come over to my house, but when she came she said that she wanted to spend all her time with my ex. she no longer wanted to stay with me at all. i demanded an explanation but she refused. she claims that she's "old enough" to make this choice and that she feels better living with my ex.
well, i refused. i've been much more understanding then i've been required to be. i've let her break the court order for almost a year but i'm done. i'm done letting her and my ex disrespect me. so i told her that from now on she's following the schedule again and i wont let her spend more time at my ex's than required.
well, she melted down. called me a bunch of things that if i had called my mom i would not be here today. and locked herself in her room. my oldest son said i over reacted and i almost got into an argument with him as well.
she still won't talk to me and left quickly to go to school this morning. my sons both are also now being cold to me. i got a long winded text from my ex as well calling me all sorts of bad things and saying i'm an asshole. i talked with my sister about it as well and even she says i'm being a pad mother.
am i though? i've been understanding and kind all this time. all i want is for my daughter to appreciate me and talk to me about why she wants to live with my ex. i'm also the only one who even cares about what our divorce agreement says. aita?
| 4,154 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fefz49/aita_for_making_my_daughter_stay_with_me_during/
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2020-03-06 16:32:01
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yta. while wanting to know why she wants to make that change is reasonable, the entitlement in this post and the way you've gone about things makes you a massive ta. and perhaps points to why your daughter wants to spend more time at your exes.
1. you don't have a right to appreciation from your kids, and teenagers are pretty notorious for being unappreciative of their parents.
2. at 16, your daughter is old enough to make her own choice about where she lives.
3. you are now using the custody order to punish your daughter, pretty sure that's not it's purpose.
4. your daughter is a (nearly adult) person in her own right, not a prop to make you feel good.
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yta
your daughter is definitely old enough to decide this for herself. additionally, the fact that she doesn’t want to disclose the why or hows to you speaks volumes on the status of your relationship with your children.
lastly, holding *your child* to a court order that obviously no longer fits her needs is absurd. don’t be surprised when you get taken back to court and your kids ask the judge to amend it completely.
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info
why does she want to stay with her father? not to be too on the nose, but are you mean to her or something?
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yta that seems to be kidding me right? this isn't real. your ex had an issue living with you (that one i'm sure was two way, not really the point), your daughter has an issue living with you, your sons are beginning to express an issue living with you... but you are not the issue?
asking your daughter to adhere to a schedule and agreement she had no part in is ridiculous. thinking you can demand a 16 year old's compliance and get anything other then this result is just stupid.
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yta. your daughter is 2 years away from becoming an adult and being able to make a choice about who is in her life permanently. do you think forcing her to spend time with you is going to make that more likely?
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if this goes back to court, your daughter is old enough now that the judge will consider her opinion on where she wants to stay. i don’t know if your ex is likely to do that or not, but you are doing yourself no favors by pushing it like this. yta.
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yta it's her decision how she wants to spend her time. also its sounds like there is more to the story then you are letting on
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yta. get to family therapy before it’s too late. and stop talking shit about your ex to your kids. they tend not to like it.
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i feel something is missing here! but your expressions of "i have been kind/nice enough" and "i feel that they are disrespecting me" for wanting to live with their father, do say that your relationship with your children might not be the best. that said, perhaps the court agreement was made when your kids could not voice their opinions. you daughter is now old enough to know with whom she wants to live. and no matter how much it hurts you are ta if you chose to just hold her with you over an agreement she had no choice over. your children are people, not things to have as long as you want. they have opinions and desires that should be listened to, taken into consideration and respected. maybe your reaction to this is part of the reason she wants to leave. regardless, keeping her with you against her wishes will deteriorate your relationship further.
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yta
you don't want a daughter, you want a pet.
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so, according to my ex and my kids i'm being the unreasonable one here for acting like the only adult in the situation. so, i have 3 kids with my ex. my daughter (16) and my two sons (14 & 9). i won't go into details about our divorce or relationship now. just know me and my ex don't get along at all. looking back now, i don't know what i saw in him at all. but that's irrelevant. me and him have 50/50 custody. we're supposed to switch weeks with them. but recently my daughter has decided that she dosen't want to do that anymore. over the past 9 or 10 months she has insisted on spending more and more of my time at my ex's. it started with her just wanting to spend a day or two extra over but now i'm lucky if i get a full week with her a month. i've tried to be respectful and understanding (she has emotional issues). i've tried to talk to her about this multiple times but she just gets snippy and refuses to talk to me at all. my ex is no help at all (as usual). i've tried to get him to help me understand but he just tells me that it's her choice and that he will remain out of it. like i said, i've put up with this, even with the huge headaches it's caused. recently though, my sons have also started to show interest in spending more time there as well. well, last night i finally put my foot down. my daughter finally decided to come over to my house, but when she came she said that she wanted to spend all her time with my ex. she no longer wanted to stay with me at all. i demanded an explanation but she refused. she claims that she's "old enough" to make this choice and that she feels better living with my ex. well, i refused. i've been much more understanding then i've been required to be. i've let her break the court order for almost a year but i'm done. i'm done letting her and my ex disrespect me. so i told her that from now on she's following the schedule again and i wont let her spend more time at my ex's than required. well, she melted down. called me a bunch of things that if i had called my mom i would not be here today. and locked herself in her room. my oldest son said i over reacted and i almost got into an argument with him as well. she still won't talk to me and left quickly to go to school this morning. my sons both are also now being cold to me. i got a long winded text from my ex as well calling me all sorts of bad things and saying i'm an asshole. i talked with my sister about it as well and even she says i'm being a pad mother. am i though? i've been understanding and kind all this time. all i want is for my daughter to appreciate me and talk to me about why she wants to live with my ex. i'm also the only one who even cares about what our divorce agreement says. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so, according to my ex and my kids i'm being the unreasonable one here for acting like the only adult in the situation. so, i have 3 kids with my ex. my daughter (16) and my two sons (14 & 9). i won't go into details about our divorce or relationship now. just know me and my ex don't get along at all. looking back now, i don't know what i saw in him at all. but that's irrelevant. me and him have 50/50 custody. we're supposed to switch weeks with them. but recently my daughter has decided that she dosen't want to do that anymore. over the past 9 or 10 months she has insisted on spending more and more of my time at my ex's. it started with her just wanting to spend a day or two extra over but now i'm lucky if i get a full week with her a month. i've tried to be respectful and understanding (she has emotional issues). i've tried to talk to her about this multiple times but she just gets snippy and refuses to talk to me at all. my ex is no help at all (as usual). i've tried to get him to help me understand but he just tells me that it's her choice and that he will remain out of it. like i said, i've put up with this, even with the huge headaches it's caused. recently though, my sons have also started to show interest in spending more time there as well. well, last night i finally put my foot down. my daughter finally decided to come over to my house, but when she came she said that she wanted to spend all her time with my ex. she no longer wanted to stay with me at all. i demanded an explanation but she refused. she claims that she's "old enough" to make this choice and that she feels better living with my ex. well, i refused. i've been much more understanding then i've been required to be. i've let her break the court order for almost a year but i'm done. i'm done letting her and my ex disrespect me. so i told her that from now on she's following the schedule again and i wont let her spend more time at my ex's than required. well, she melted down. called me a bunch of things that if i had called my mom i would not be here today. and locked herself in her room. my oldest son said i over reacted and i almost got into an argument with him as well. she still won't talk to me and left quickly to go to school this morning. my sons both are also now being cold to me. i got a long winded text from my ex as well calling me all sorts of bad things and saying i'm an asshole. i talked with my sister about it as well and even she says i'm being a pad mother. am i though? i've been understanding and kind all this time. all i want is for my daughter to appreciate me and talk to me about why she wants to live with my ex. i'm also the only one who even cares about what our divorce agreement says. aita? [/INST] yta. while wanting to know why she wants to make that change is reasonable, the entitlement in this post and the way you've gone about things makes you a massive ta. and perhaps points to why your daughter wants to spend more time at your exes. 1. you don't have a right to appreciation from your kids, and teenagers are pretty notorious for being unappreciative of their parents. 2. at 16, your daughter is old enough to make her own choice about where she lives. 3. you are now using the custody order to punish your daughter, pretty sure that's not it's purpose. 4. your daughter is a (nearly adult) person in her own right, not a prop to make you feel good. </s>
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AITA for being brutally honest about my experience having teen parents and embarassing them?
| 5,779 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jb0rkl/aita_for_being_brutally_honest_about_my/
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2020-10-14 13:35:20
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yta. yes, they were young. no, they aren’t perfect. if it was that bad, you wouldn’t be home now. you are lucky they let you come back and frankly you seem ungrateful.
at your age they were caring for a child. you aren’t even taking care of yourself independently.
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yta.
you're 23. at what age do you stop blaming your parents and start taking responsibility for your own life? by the way, there are plenty of people who grow up in situations much worse than yours and are able to make something of themselves. people from "shitty schools" still get into decent colleges all of the time, and people who grew up without money are still able to prosper.
life is what you make it- if you've done nothing but make excuses for yourself (and bash your parents), then it makes sense why you are so behind other people your age. grow up.
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yta because you weren't brutally honest with them. you instead announced it to others without even directly addressing them beforehand.
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yta. wow. so firstly, you have the nerve to say you had terrible parents, yet here you are, at 23 mooching off of them. ok...if they are so bad, move out and cut contact.
secondly, that's super petty and shallow to air out dirty laundry on a family zoom meeting. if you felt so strongly about yourself parents, why not tell them in person face to face why you feel so upset instead of airing out your dirty laundry?
thirdly, your education partly falls on you. blame the system all you want, but part of your failures is you didn't apply yourself enough. no one wants to hear it or say it, but you didn't work hard enough to make up for your inadequacies.
fourth, you're an asshole because regardless of this post, you're still going to continue mooching off your parent's kindness. you'll still live rent free, you'll still let them pay off student loans, and you'll likely still bash them. not cool.
no words op. i'm just disappointed.
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nah.
i had my first son at 19, and you are absolutely right that teenagers have no business being parents. i was a single mom and i put myself through college and grad school which meant my son was in daycare a lot. i also didn't give him the attention that a small child needs because i was struggling so much. i tried my best and now he is a teenager and he resents his younger sibling a lot.
i don't think it's my son's fault, just like it's not yours. i am a better mom to my younger child than i ever was to my older. not because i'm a terrible person or don't love him as much, but my situation has drastically changed, like your parents situation. i don't have to work multiple jobs and juggle school and social life and mental wellbeing and that makes a huge difference in the parent i am today.
i don't think you're the asshole because your feelings are legitimate and you should have the opportunity to speak your experience and deal with your past trauma. i think therapy solo and maybe with your parents would be a good idea.
i don't think your parents are the assholes because they did their best and they clearly know there was a difference in your childhood and your younger siblings. but what could they do? neglect the younger kids and send them to shitty schools to make it 'fair'? no, they are trying to make it up to you, even though they don't understand you are not ready for that. you need to be heard first and your experience acknowledged.
my advice that wasn't asked for, therapy for you alone (to vent and process everything) and with your parents so you have a safe space to discuss your childhood so you can all begin to heal.
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hmm... yes and no.
light yta and nah.
everyone has their own burden op. it sounds like you are comparing yourself to everyone else your age and judging your own worth on their path. this makes me lean toward yta, but it is also normal.
on the other hand, your parents did the best with what they have. they could have just not tried and lived their own life, but they didn’t. they pushed to make a family with you, which is pretty honorable. that makes me lean toward nah.
your own feelings aren’t invalid, but you need to do your best to work through them with pro help or friends. we’ve all had crappy instances, but some are more crappy than others.
you define your own future, not your circumstances.
i was your age when i looked back and had my own epiphanies. have a mom with special needs, dirt poor, little to no food growing up, no car, etc. had to work through my own junk that i felt for our bad hand rather than blame my mom. trust me, there was plenty to blame but what does that really do for me?
take your own life by the horns, charge your own path, and don’t compare yourself to others or where you think you should be. look at where you want to be and start getting yourself to that spot.
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yta.
you moved back into your parents home because of a preference cause you were scared of a virus. then you crap all over them verbally. then you were so offended that you became brave enough to go back. and they are trying to offer you stuff and you say it's too little too late. this all screams entitlement
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yta, they clearly love you.
they did they best they could in the circumstances.
so they didn't have a lot of money and made some bad choices?.
did they abuse you ? if they didn't you have less to complain about than a lot of people.
you aren't the only person to grow up poor. did you work your ass of to get scholarships? how much effort have you really put in if you are 4 years behind.
stop being a brat.
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you need therapy, not judgement, op.
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yta. 23 going on 16, you sure you're ready for college?
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NAH
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YTA
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context:
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
[/INST] yta. yes, they were young. no, they aren’t perfect. if it was that bad, you wouldn’t be home now. you are lucky they let you come back and frankly you seem ungrateful. at your age they were caring for a child. you aren’t even taking care of yourself independently. </s>
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AITA for joking with my wife about not being ready for sundress season?
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she overheard me and my friends joking around when we were playing video games. i joked that i can’t wait for sundress season to be here. after they left she told me to take her shopping. i asked her why and she said to buy her a sundress because it’s almost sundress season. i jokingly said she wasn’t ready, and she offended by it. not much else to say other than if i’m the asshole for cracking a joke at that because she’s made a bigger deal out of it than what i thought. for the record, my wife is probably overweight; but i’m not an idiot and didn’t tell her that.
| 7,178 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u1p58h/aita_for_joking_with_my_wife_about_not_being/
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2022-04-12 03:05:07
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yta. your wife thought she was overhearing a cute compliment and wanted to buy something special to wear for you because of it, and instead you implied she needed a diet and exercise regimen.
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yta for two reasons
1. you are excited about sundress season to check out women that are not your wife.
2. you told your wife that she’s not ready for sundress season implying that she’s fat, and making her feel insecure about her body.
bonus 3. you actually typed this out thinking you were somehow not a total ah.
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🤣 i can’t believe this is a real question. if this is real, yta.
that’s like if your wife said she would never turn down a big dick. then you try to start some right after and she says no because she is not in the mood.
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“i can’t wait to see everyone in a sundress but you. but don’t worry honey i love you!” yta. apologize profusely and buy her a sundress.
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yta. if you are excited for sundress season, but you don’t want to see her, then you’re exciting for checking out other women in sundresses. how is she supposed to take that?
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yta you literally told your future ex-wife you were excited to see women in sundress, but not her.
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yta you think making “jokes” about your wife’s weight is funny? and then you have the audacity to be annoyed when she expresses that you hurt her feelings? you better get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness.
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yta you talked up sundresses and she wanted to look good in one for you, you turned her down. just because it's cold outside still doesn't mean that she can't wear it around the house and look good just to feel good. the way you said she wasn't ready implies her weight in a joke, and implies that you're more looking forward to looking at other women in sundresses instead of her.
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yta. i hope she wears a sundress to divorce court.
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at best your argument is you wanted to see women other than your wife in sundresses and then basically said she wouldn’t look good in one.
yta.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: she overheard me and my friends joking around when we were playing video games. i joked that i can’t wait for sundress season to be here. after they left she told me to take her shopping. i asked her why and she said to buy her a sundress because it’s almost sundress season. i jokingly said she wasn’t ready, and she offended by it. not much else to say other than if i’m the asshole for cracking a joke at that because she’s made a bigger deal out of it than what i thought. for the record, my wife is probably overweight; but i’m not an idiot and didn’t tell her that.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
she overheard me and my friends joking around when we were playing video games. i joked that i can’t wait for sundress season to be here. after they left she told me to take her shopping. i asked her why and she said to buy her a sundress because it’s almost sundress season. i jokingly said she wasn’t ready, and she offended by it. not much else to say other than if i’m the asshole for cracking a joke at that because she’s made a bigger deal out of it than what i thought. for the record, my wife is probably overweight; but i’m not an idiot and didn’t tell her that. [/INST] yta. your wife thought she was overhearing a cute compliment and wanted to buy something special to wear for you because of it, and instead you implied she needed a diet and exercise regimen. </s>
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AITA because I told my son that I don't believe his future marriage will last?
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son got himself a girlfriend about 6/7 months ago, i have no complaints about the girl, she's nice enough. he brought her home to meet me and my wife, everything was fine. my issue with it is that 2 weeks ago he announced that he would ask her to marry him. i thought to myself that he just had this plan for the future but he informed us that he wants to do it by next month.
my wife was over the moon with the news but i wasn't in the least. i told him that i don't believe this will work because they barely know each other, not only that but they're completely opposites. the girl is outgoing and charismatic while my son barely has enough friends, she makes him look like a dead weight not to mention that she's completely out of his league. of course he got mad at this and so did my wife.
now i found out that he won't be visiting us anymore and my wife has decided by herself that she will be visiting him instead. i don't see how it was wrong for me to give my opinion, it was just that, an opinion. i'm not going to get in the way of him marrying the girl.
&#x200b;
| 5,187 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cdppox/aita_because_i_told_my_son_that_i_dont_believe/
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2019-07-16 00:17:41
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yta
your son is getting ready to lock down mad roast beef and you mad cuz shes a dime? that's cold bro. you keep those thoughts to yourself.
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yta
> out of his league
bad parent. bad. no biscuit.
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yta. she’s out of his league? what kind of fucking parent are you that you think other people are too good for your kids?
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yta. that is mean. you couldn't just say "maybe 8 months is a bit too soon for a proposal?" or just say nothing?
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>the girl is outgoing and charismatic while my son barely has enough friends, she makes him look like a dead weight not to mention that she's completely out of his league. of course he got mad at this and so did my wife.
info: did you actually say this?
if you did, yta for:
- telling your son he was out of his league when there is a mutual relationship
- telling your son that he is dead weight, while acknowledging social shortcomings, hence increasing his insecurity and making it harder for him to improve
- telling your son that he shouldn't expect to keep a companion, despite him having "barely enough friends"
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yta.
>she makes him look like a dead weight not to mention that she's completely out of his league.
what a terrible thing to say to your own son.
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yta.
just wow. way to alienate your son, his fiancé, and probably damage your relationship with your wife, all in one shot.
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yta. sounds like you resent your son....
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yta
look dude
before i meet my gf i was a skinny boy sat in front of the computer every day 24/7 had zero social skills. my hygiene was bad. i wasn't good looking at all either. i also had the idea yeah i can't make a gf in the future if i continue like this. everyone is over my league i don't know good places to hangout and so all. a girl in the right place and right time can change somebody. i stopped being a lazy slob and fixed my hygiene. i tried going out places i never went to. instead of doing online shopping i now went to the store directly which also improved my social anxiety. by doing these little small changes in my life i meet love of my life. after that what she did for me was a huge blessing. she showed me how to wear properly out. (what brands and clothes match together good) what teenagers and people go out to do for fun. what life is outside my room. she made me a better person.
you're the biggest yta for not giving your son encouragement and not wishing happiness for him.
i didint want to make this personal and long but i felt this is how i can express myself for you to understand. sorry for bad grammar and english. it's not my first language
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yta. you haven't mentioned how old son is, but apparently he is out on his own and is an adult living his own life. you gave a hurtful assessment in a place where your opinion was neither asked nor desired. if you had a specific objection to the girl (she's unfaithful or a gold digger or something like that) then voicing a concern would be one thing. but it looks like you've basically told your son he's a waste of life who doesn't deserve this girl. which may be true, but it's for them to decide.
&#x200b;
it would even have been reasonable to tell him that while you're happy for him, you hope he will wait until they've been together a bit longer before deciding to propose. he'd still be in his rights to ignore you and do what he wants, but it would at least not have been a hurtful thing to say.
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| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: son got himself a girlfriend about 6/7 months ago, i have no complaints about the girl, she's nice enough. he brought her home to meet me and my wife, everything was fine. my issue with it is that 2 weeks ago he announced that he would ask her to marry him. i thought to myself that he just had this plan for the future but he informed us that he wants to do it by next month. my wife was over the moon with the news but i wasn't in the least. i told him that i don't believe this will work because they barely know each other, not only that but they're completely opposites. the girl is outgoing and charismatic while my son barely has enough friends, she makes him look like a dead weight not to mention that she's completely out of his league. of course he got mad at this and so did my wife. now i found out that he won't be visiting us anymore and my wife has decided by herself that she will be visiting him instead. i don't see how it was wrong for me to give my opinion, it was just that, an opinion. i'm not going to get in the way of him marrying the girl. &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
son got himself a girlfriend about 6/7 months ago, i have no complaints about the girl, she's nice enough. he brought her home to meet me and my wife, everything was fine. my issue with it is that 2 weeks ago he announced that he would ask her to marry him. i thought to myself that he just had this plan for the future but he informed us that he wants to do it by next month. my wife was over the moon with the news but i wasn't in the least. i told him that i don't believe this will work because they barely know each other, not only that but they're completely opposites. the girl is outgoing and charismatic while my son barely has enough friends, she makes him look like a dead weight not to mention that she's completely out of his league. of course he got mad at this and so did my wife. now i found out that he won't be visiting us anymore and my wife has decided by herself that she will be visiting him instead. i don't see how it was wrong for me to give my opinion, it was just that, an opinion. i'm not going to get in the way of him marrying the girl. &#x200b; [/INST] yta your son is getting ready to lock down mad roast beef and you mad cuz shes a dime? that's cold bro. you keep those thoughts to yourself. </s>
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AITA for bringing my baby to a child-free wedding?
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my cousin lives a 6 hour drive from me and the rest of our family. a few months ago we all drove over there for his wedding. due to limited space, no children were invited to the wedding except the bride's young nieces and nephews.
my baby was 10 months old at the time and i wasn't comfortable leaving him alone in an unfamiliar place with a stranger, which was a babysitter that my other cousins hired for their own kids. so i decided to bring him to the wedding. i wrote on the rsvp that i was bringing him but he would be sitting on my lap and i would bring my own food for him. my cousin didn't say anything so i assumed that he was ok with it.
my baby cried at the ceremony but i quickly took him out of the room. at the reception i had him with me the whole time in a body carrier. he didn't make much of a fuss and i thought everything was ok.
after the wedding my aunt (groom's mom) confronted me and told me that i was rude for bringing my baby without permission. i explained that i wrote on the rsvp what i was planning to do but my cousin didn't object. she said that my cousin and his bride had a problem with it but the bride didn't want to start any drama because she doesn't know me well.
my other cousin's baby was 7 months old at the time and my aunt said that he had no problem leaving his baby with the "certified" babysitter and i should of done the same. and some of my cousins were upset because they thought that the groom gave me special treatment by letting me bring my baby and making them leave their kids with a babysitter. i didn't mean to start any drama. aita?
| 16,509 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v6zdlq/aita_for_bringing_my_baby_to_a_childfree_wedding/
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2022-06-07 15:49:18
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yta - your baby literally did the thing that the bride/groom wanted to avoid - disrupt the ceremony. you had plenty of time to find a babysitter or other family member to watch your kid while you went to the wedding but decided that you were just above the rules.
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people like you get on my nerves. child free means child free. you do not get to change the rules of someone’s wedding because you didnt want a babysitter. it’s very entitled. yta.
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couldn’t you just have not attended?
next time stay home and send a gift. yta
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yta. you can't just write in a plus one. especially a child at a child free wedding. your child was disruptive for the bit before you took them out, which is exactly what the couple didn't want. you disrespected the bride and groom, violated their wishes, and disrupted the ceremony. this was extremely not okay of you. if you can't find a suitable childcare arrangement, stay home.
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yta. “don’t bring a baby” “okay i will”
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yta absolutely and without question.
child free means child free, if you don’t want to leave your baby with a babysitter then you stay home.
you were incredibly rude.
the reason a lot of people want child free weddings is so they don’t have their vows interrupted or ruined by screaming kids. yours did exactly that.
the world doesn’t revolve around you and your choices. you don’t get to write “i’m bringing my kid” on an a child free invite.
what is wrong with you?
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yta
"my cousin didn't object" - yes they did. when they sent invitations that said "child free" on them.
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yta.
this was immensely inconsiderate on multiple levels. 1) to the bride and groom who made their wishes clear; 2) to the people who were looking forward to a child free wedding; and 3) **especially** the people who made proper arrangements and didn't bring their kids, even though they may have wanted to.
you've now made the bride and groom look like they gave you special treatment and not other guests. that's extremely unkind and thoughtless of you.
you owe them an apology.
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yta.
you were told the wedding was child free. if you’re not comfortable leaving the baby then the correct rsvp was “i’m sorry but i can’t come”, not “i’ve decided the rules don’t apply to me”. he cried during the ceremony- exactly what they were trying to avoid.
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info: did you make any attempt to contact them about this besides the rsvp?
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INFO
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my cousin lives a 6 hour drive from me and the rest of our family. a few months ago we all drove over there for his wedding. due to limited space, no children were invited to the wedding except the bride's young nieces and nephews. my baby was 10 months old at the time and i wasn't comfortable leaving him alone in an unfamiliar place with a stranger, which was a babysitter that my other cousins hired for their own kids. so i decided to bring him to the wedding. i wrote on the rsvp that i was bringing him but he would be sitting on my lap and i would bring my own food for him. my cousin didn't say anything so i assumed that he was ok with it. my baby cried at the ceremony but i quickly took him out of the room. at the reception i had him with me the whole time in a body carrier. he didn't make much of a fuss and i thought everything was ok. after the wedding my aunt (groom's mom) confronted me and told me that i was rude for bringing my baby without permission. i explained that i wrote on the rsvp what i was planning to do but my cousin didn't object. she said that my cousin and his bride had a problem with it but the bride didn't want to start any drama because she doesn't know me well. my other cousin's baby was 7 months old at the time and my aunt said that he had no problem leaving his baby with the "certified" babysitter and i should of done the same. and some of my cousins were upset because they thought that the groom gave me special treatment by letting me bring my baby and making them leave their kids with a babysitter. i didn't mean to start any drama. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my cousin lives a 6 hour drive from me and the rest of our family. a few months ago we all drove over there for his wedding. due to limited space, no children were invited to the wedding except the bride's young nieces and nephews. my baby was 10 months old at the time and i wasn't comfortable leaving him alone in an unfamiliar place with a stranger, which was a babysitter that my other cousins hired for their own kids. so i decided to bring him to the wedding. i wrote on the rsvp that i was bringing him but he would be sitting on my lap and i would bring my own food for him. my cousin didn't say anything so i assumed that he was ok with it. my baby cried at the ceremony but i quickly took him out of the room. at the reception i had him with me the whole time in a body carrier. he didn't make much of a fuss and i thought everything was ok. after the wedding my aunt (groom's mom) confronted me and told me that i was rude for bringing my baby without permission. i explained that i wrote on the rsvp what i was planning to do but my cousin didn't object. she said that my cousin and his bride had a problem with it but the bride didn't want to start any drama because she doesn't know me well. my other cousin's baby was 7 months old at the time and my aunt said that he had no problem leaving his baby with the "certified" babysitter and i should of done the same. and some of my cousins were upset because they thought that the groom gave me special treatment by letting me bring my baby and making them leave their kids with a babysitter. i didn't mean to start any drama. aita? [/INST] yta - your baby literally did the thing that the bride/groom wanted to avoid - disrupt the ceremony. you had plenty of time to find a babysitter or other family member to watch your kid while you went to the wedding but decided that you were just above the rules. </s>
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AITA for telling my estranged daughter that financing her college education and giving her graduation presents was not an attempt to reconcile with her and walking out of a surprise party she threw for me?
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i'm not american. pardon my english.
i had my eldest daughter at 16 with my high school girlfriend who was 19. i wanted to have a family anf yes, i was really dumb.
we got married really young, but we got divorced because i found out that she was sleeping another man who was much older. he had the money, i was not financially secure. she got custody and i got visitation. this continued for a while, but he had the money to pamper my daughter and my finances were not that great. by the time she was 14, idk what happened, but my daughter opted for optional visitation. it simply meant that i could only see her if she wanted to see me. that never happened.
around that time, i was just starting to do well for myself and i decided to move away because i could no longer take it. i had to accept the fact that she didn't want to see. i tried to contact my ex for information and pictures but i was simply told that i was infringing on their privacy. eventually i gave up and i moved on.
i just understood that i had to be financially strong. i concentrated on my real estate business that and i did really well for myself. it's been years now and i'm really happy. i own a very successful real estate firm and i'm married now with a daughter. i owe everything to my wife and my best friend who were really supportive.
when my eldest daughter was starting college, my ex contacted me and told me that she was divorced. she asked me if i would help with my daughter's college expenses. i gladly helped because i no longer had any financial woes. i also gave her a graduation present ( a lump sum to get her started ).
so she surprised me with a party yesterday. and she was there. she's 25 now. 25. we had a chat. she apparently missed me so much. she was sorry and she never knew that the money came from me. i call bullshit on that. i told her it was not an attempt to reconcile and i was only doing my duty and walked out.
wife tells me that my daughter deserved a chance and i had to take the high road. but it's just too much for me. it's beyond repair and serves no purpose. aita here.
| 5,267 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c1okod/aita_for_telling_my_estranged_daughter_that/
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2019-06-17 15:02:53
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yta, obviously.
i can’t imagine seeing your own child trying to engage in a relationship and you refusing because you’re just a bitter person.
it’s not “too late,” except for the fact *you* have decided it is.
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nta - she had years to decide to talk to you. yes, she opted for optional visitation at 14. but she could've decided to visit you at 15, or 16, or 17, or 18... and she never wanted to.
you don't have to mend the bridge if you don't want to.
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yta - you're punishing your daughter for not wanting to see you as a teenager? her mom sounds like a nasty piece of work for cheating on you - she probably fed your daughter a bunch of bs about you which made your daughter not want to see you, and i wouldn't be surprised if she didn't tell your daughter about the origin of the money. the party seems like it was your daughter's way of trying to reconcile with you, and you just threw it in her face. that's really fucked up.
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nah
she may just want to reconnect. but the relationship is dsmaged and throwing you a surprise party is not an appropriate way to ease back into contact.
further, her mention of your past financial support makes me suspicious of her motives.
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nta
>she apparently missed me so much. she was sorry and she never knew that the money came from me. i call bullshit on that.
damn straight!
now that your "useful" to her she wants a relationship?
i'm sorry you're in this position, that must be soul crushing.
and everyone who calls this guy an asshole is buying into her shit.
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nta.
i’m gonna get burried for that but here it goes : she’s here for the money because she wants to join the gravy train.
even giving her the benefit of the doubt the way she acted was too obvious. she could have contacted you one to one. but no, she put a big public display so that you would be forced to accept her attempt to reconcile. that’s manipulative as hell. and it’s working because it’s putting you under pressure from people close to you.
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nta. at any point in her life she could have reached out to you, and she only did so at twenty five. she hasn't been a teen for five years at least. you owe her literally nothing, and throwing a surprise party when she has never reached out to you before seems really odd to me. fuck what happened to reddit's "family is what you choose to be family"? as far as op is concerned she is not family, but a woman who cut contact with him a decade ago.
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nta
she's 25 now. she's had 7 years of adulthood to get to know you. and she didn't care until she found out the money came from you. now maybe she did it because it was a nice gesture that you gave the money when you didn't have to. but even then she would never have made contact if you hadn't already done something for her. she made her choices. and you have a happy life now.
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yta
i agree with your wife. your daughter deserves a chance. she was just a dumb teenager when she broke contact. one that was influenced by her new family. she deserves a chance to mend the mistakes she made when she was young and stupid.
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nta. anyone who thinks the daughter was being sincere is gullible af
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.378485 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm not american. pardon my english. i had my eldest daughter at 16 with my high school girlfriend who was 19. i wanted to have a family anf yes, i was really dumb. we got married really young, but we got divorced because i found out that she was sleeping another man who was much older. he had the money, i was not financially secure. she got custody and i got visitation. this continued for a while, but he had the money to pamper my daughter and my finances were not that great. by the time she was 14, idk what happened, but my daughter opted for optional visitation. it simply meant that i could only see her if she wanted to see me. that never happened. around that time, i was just starting to do well for myself and i decided to move away because i could no longer take it. i had to accept the fact that she didn't want to see. i tried to contact my ex for information and pictures but i was simply told that i was infringing on their privacy. eventually i gave up and i moved on. i just understood that i had to be financially strong. i concentrated on my real estate business that and i did really well for myself. it's been years now and i'm really happy. i own a very successful real estate firm and i'm married now with a daughter. i owe everything to my wife and my best friend who were really supportive. when my eldest daughter was starting college, my ex contacted me and told me that she was divorced. she asked me if i would help with my daughter's college expenses. i gladly helped because i no longer had any financial woes. i also gave her a graduation present ( a lump sum to get her started ). so she surprised me with a party yesterday. and she was there. she's 25 now. 25. we had a chat. she apparently missed me so much. she was sorry and she never knew that the money came from me. i call bullshit on that. i told her it was not an attempt to reconcile and i was only doing my duty and walked out. wife tells me that my daughter deserved a chance and i had to take the high road. but it's just too much for me. it's beyond repair and serves no purpose. aita here.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm not american. pardon my english. i had my eldest daughter at 16 with my high school girlfriend who was 19. i wanted to have a family anf yes, i was really dumb. we got married really young, but we got divorced because i found out that she was sleeping another man who was much older. he had the money, i was not financially secure. she got custody and i got visitation. this continued for a while, but he had the money to pamper my daughter and my finances were not that great. by the time she was 14, idk what happened, but my daughter opted for optional visitation. it simply meant that i could only see her if she wanted to see me. that never happened. around that time, i was just starting to do well for myself and i decided to move away because i could no longer take it. i had to accept the fact that she didn't want to see. i tried to contact my ex for information and pictures but i was simply told that i was infringing on their privacy. eventually i gave up and i moved on. i just understood that i had to be financially strong. i concentrated on my real estate business that and i did really well for myself. it's been years now and i'm really happy. i own a very successful real estate firm and i'm married now with a daughter. i owe everything to my wife and my best friend who were really supportive. when my eldest daughter was starting college, my ex contacted me and told me that she was divorced. she asked me if i would help with my daughter's college expenses. i gladly helped because i no longer had any financial woes. i also gave her a graduation present ( a lump sum to get her started ). so she surprised me with a party yesterday. and she was there. she's 25 now. 25. we had a chat. she apparently missed me so much. she was sorry and she never knew that the money came from me. i call bullshit on that. i told her it was not an attempt to reconcile and i was only doing my duty and walked out. wife tells me that my daughter deserved a chance and i had to take the high road. but it's just too much for me. it's beyond repair and serves no purpose. aita here. [/INST] yta, obviously. i can’t imagine seeing your own child trying to engage in a relationship and you refusing because you’re just a bitter person. it’s not “too late,” except for the fact *you* have decided it is. </s>
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AITA? My parents took most of my wardrobe away as punishment and I said I didn't want the clothes back because it's obvious they're not actually mine.
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i got in trouble at school this fall, i'm a junior in high school.
(edit to add what i got in trouble for since a couple people asked... i smoked weed with a guy in the woods after school once and got caught. i also made out with him a couple times and my parents found out about that too)
as punishment my parents took away a lot of my things; all my clothes except 3 pairs of plain jeans and 3 plain black shirts and my coat. and all my makeup and hair stuff, purses and shoes; saying i had to earn things back with good behavior, i don't get to engage in my hobby (fashion) till i've earned it.
anyway it was a shitty couple months but i came to a couple realizations.
it was actually kind of nice to not have to think about what to wear and how i look. my friends knew what my parents had done and didn't judge me. i also told anyone who asked why i looked like i only had one outfit what was up and it was no big deal.
i know it was supposed to be a demeaning humiliating punishment to make me look bad at school but honestly it just makes them look bad when people at school know i'm only allowed to wear one thing.
i don't want to have things that are just something someone else can hold over my head. i don't want the old clothes and makeup back, if i'm gonna get back into that stuff i'll do it on my own terms; i'll buy my own stuff.
so i told my parents that i don't care if they keep the clothes and makeup; they've made it clear that stuff doesn't belong to me. and it's gross to me to spend every day wearing clothes that aren't mine, that can be given and taken as punishment. i'd feel gross and i'd rather not wear them again.
so now my parents are mad because they've got a lot of clothes boxed up in the attic that the family spent money on and that are going to waste. nobody else can wear them; my mom isn't my size and my only sibling is my little brother.
i said i don't care, i want clothes that are my own and those aren't it.
aita for not taking the clothes back and letting them go to waste?
| 26,419 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g5hta8/aita_my_parents_took_most_of_my_wardrobe_away_as/
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2020-04-21 15:56:36
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nta and i find it hilarious how spectacularly that punishment backfired.
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nta
they're more upset about the fact that you took their power and leverage away and less about the money aspect, they just can't admit that to you!
it would be an admission that you won the round and they lost.
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definitely nta and i'm actually really impressed by how mature you are about it. sounds like you're surrounded by good friends, too. you've probably also really gobsmacked your parents because the punishment backfired so spectactularly. i imagine they're trying to figure out if they will ever be able to successfully punish you again, lol.
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nta and i seriously doubt your parents parenting skills. trying to publically humiliate your kid is a big red flag for a parenting strategy imo.
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nta
parents:"we're taking your clothes and makeup to exert control over you and punish you!"
you: \*gains new levels of self confidence and independence\*
parents: you weren't supposed to do that.
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nta. choosing a punishment specifically meant to publicly humiliate your child is unreasonable of them and good on you for being able to take something out of this mess. i'm sorry they did this. they tried to teach you a lesson in a ridiculous and unhelpful way and you let them know exactly what you actually learned from it.
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nta. also, be careful. they may try something with anything that you *do* buy for yourself, just to prove some sort of "point".
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nta. keep rocking the black t and jeans like a badass.
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nta i hate these types of punishments they’re stupid. my mom cut my long, beautiful hair when i got in trouble in high school and i was traumatized at first but i ended up liking the short hair so much that i kept it. then she was mad because i kept cutting it shorter and shorter until i shaved it all completely off the day before her second wedding. she threw a fit and told me i couldn’t be in her wedding anymore. my saint of a stepdad talked her out of it and now they have all their wedding pictures with me next to them bald lol my stepdad loved it and made it into a big picture and hanged it in the living room and my mom still hates it. it was petty but i was 15 lol
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i got in trouble at school this fall, i'm a junior in high school. (edit to add what i got in trouble for since a couple people asked... i smoked weed with a guy in the woods after school once and got caught. i also made out with him a couple times and my parents found out about that too) as punishment my parents took away a lot of my things; all my clothes except 3 pairs of plain jeans and 3 plain black shirts and my coat. and all my makeup and hair stuff, purses and shoes; saying i had to earn things back with good behavior, i don't get to engage in my hobby (fashion) till i've earned it. anyway it was a shitty couple months but i came to a couple realizations. it was actually kind of nice to not have to think about what to wear and how i look. my friends knew what my parents had done and didn't judge me. i also told anyone who asked why i looked like i only had one outfit what was up and it was no big deal. i know it was supposed to be a demeaning humiliating punishment to make me look bad at school but honestly it just makes them look bad when people at school know i'm only allowed to wear one thing. i don't want to have things that are just something someone else can hold over my head. i don't want the old clothes and makeup back, if i'm gonna get back into that stuff i'll do it on my own terms; i'll buy my own stuff. so i told my parents that i don't care if they keep the clothes and makeup; they've made it clear that stuff doesn't belong to me. and it's gross to me to spend every day wearing clothes that aren't mine, that can be given and taken as punishment. i'd feel gross and i'd rather not wear them again. so now my parents are mad because they've got a lot of clothes boxed up in the attic that the family spent money on and that are going to waste. nobody else can wear them; my mom isn't my size and my only sibling is my little brother. i said i don't care, i want clothes that are my own and those aren't it. aita for not taking the clothes back and letting them go to waste?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i got in trouble at school this fall, i'm a junior in high school. (edit to add what i got in trouble for since a couple people asked... i smoked weed with a guy in the woods after school once and got caught. i also made out with him a couple times and my parents found out about that too) as punishment my parents took away a lot of my things; all my clothes except 3 pairs of plain jeans and 3 plain black shirts and my coat. and all my makeup and hair stuff, purses and shoes; saying i had to earn things back with good behavior, i don't get to engage in my hobby (fashion) till i've earned it. anyway it was a shitty couple months but i came to a couple realizations. it was actually kind of nice to not have to think about what to wear and how i look. my friends knew what my parents had done and didn't judge me. i also told anyone who asked why i looked like i only had one outfit what was up and it was no big deal. i know it was supposed to be a demeaning humiliating punishment to make me look bad at school but honestly it just makes them look bad when people at school know i'm only allowed to wear one thing. i don't want to have things that are just something someone else can hold over my head. i don't want the old clothes and makeup back, if i'm gonna get back into that stuff i'll do it on my own terms; i'll buy my own stuff. so i told my parents that i don't care if they keep the clothes and makeup; they've made it clear that stuff doesn't belong to me. and it's gross to me to spend every day wearing clothes that aren't mine, that can be given and taken as punishment. i'd feel gross and i'd rather not wear them again. so now my parents are mad because they've got a lot of clothes boxed up in the attic that the family spent money on and that are going to waste. nobody else can wear them; my mom isn't my size and my only sibling is my little brother. i said i don't care, i want clothes that are my own and those aren't it. aita for not taking the clothes back and letting them go to waste? [/INST] nta and i find it hilarious how spectacularly that punishment backfired. </s>
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AITA for forbidding my wife to go to her affair partner's funeral?
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married 15 years and almost didn't make it this far. in our second year of marriage my wife went home when i was deployed and slept with some dickhead (who i'll refer to as sd from here out) who she was loose acquaintances with growing up. she hadn't seen him in years but he just happened to show up during my daughter's birthday party because he was the son of one of my mother-in-law's old friends. sd and my wife hooked up later that week after reconnecting.
&#x200b;
the reason i didn't kick my wife's ass to the curb and eventually forgave her is because she told me herself soon after i got home. and she didn't try to justify it with the "oh well you were gone, i felt lonely blah blah blah". no she actually said straight up that she was a fucking dumbass (her words not mine, though i agree) and she felt so sick and disgusting for doing it.
&#x200b;
she immediately cut off all contact with sd and it took a lot of counseling and healing but here we are today; feels like non-stop since that time that my wife has gone above and beyond proving that i was right to keep her.
&#x200b;
well my mother-in-law called yesterday and she heard from sd's mother that sd died in some workplace accident and they're having a funeral service this weekend.
&#x200b;
my wife told me this and that she wanted to go and it was like i got kicked right in the dick. i instantly felt nauseous and had fucking horrible flashbacks of when she told me about her affair. all those horrible feelings resurfaced along with the shitty memories of me crying my fucking eyes out and my image of her shattering. the pain felt as fresh as when she dropped that bomb on me.
&#x200b;
i asked her why seeing as she hadn't talked to the guy in over a decade not to mention...you know....she fucked him while we were married. she keeps saying shit like "it's the right thing to do" and "she just wants to pay respects".
&#x200b;
i can't stop repeating that i'm so hurt with that decision as he's had no part of her life in so long and i'm re-living all those shitty nights i was sure our family would be shattered and i would only see my daughter 50% of the time.
&#x200b;
after some back and forth i put my fucking foot down and told her no, she cannot go. i said it's so disrespectful to me and our marriage and we've been on the silent treatment since then. aita?
&#x200b;
| 19,817 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c219rs/aita_for_forbidding_my_wife_to_go_to_her_affair/
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2019-06-18 11:48:43
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nta. you are obviously distressed and she should consider this.
also, excuse my atheism, this person is dead. his non-conscious decaying body will not care who shows up.
add: oh, my first gold! and my first silver (
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nta- thank you for your service. this would be an absolute no go for me. you’re a good man for putting your family first, and not kicking her to the curb when you first found out. no need for her to open up old wounds. if she wants to pay respect, send some flowers...
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normally, i’d be against partners not allowing their partner to do something like this.
but not this time. you’re nta for expecting and demanding she make things up to you by starting to show some respect for your marriage and the pain she has caused you.
i would say to her, ‘if you want to go, i won’t stop you, but don’t come back if you do.’
did sd have a wife? kids? did he cheat on them as well? if so, her presence would also be disrespectful towards his family.
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nah. i'd be more worried about your reaction to this being quite visceral and painful that maybe you guys needs some more therapy. if your reacting in such a way that's causing an ultimatum i'd say you've not forgiven and forgotten. is.it possible to talk the funeral situation through with mediation?
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nta - she had an affair with the guy, cut him out for years and wanted to prove to you that she’s committed to you. she has no relationship with him any longer, dead or alive unfortunately. if she was still friends, i would say she should visit but that is not the case here
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nah. well, at least after she stopped cheating.
you have a right to your feelings but so does your wife. she made a mistake but showed you ever since how she regretted it.
might it be she just wants closure here? he - once - was a friend and a bit more.
don’t let him pose a threat now, after all this time. let her go to the funeral.
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nta.
you seem pretty grounded here and probably know this already, but death does crazy things to people.
that said, the continuation of your marriage was predicated in large part to her breaking all contact with this fuck. to me that includes when he dies. no reason for you to feel bad about communicating the feelings of betrayal that come bubbling back to the surface with the news.
might consider talking about it to a professional, since you’ve obviously had success doing that previously. best of luck, friend.
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nta
this is what, 13-14 years ago? makes no sense. i mean, if it were an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend, you'd be a dick. no contact with a dude who she cheated with for that long? makes no sense. your feelings are quite understood and i don't understand what she'd gain from this. closure? no...
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nah - i think your feelings and response are totally reasonable and valid.
i also think death is a tricky thing to deal with. funerals provide some closure for a lot of people. it could be that your wife is just seeking that final closure. and i’m not trying to imply that if he were still alive so would a small part of their former relationship. i just mean attending the funeral could be therapeutic for her, putting the final nail in the coffin (what a horrible metaphor here, i’m sorry, i couldn’t come up with something else) of that terrible decision she made.
bottom line, you’re not ta for feeling how you do about this and communicating that to your wife. she’s not ta either unless she just totally disregards your feelings.
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info. does mil know about the affair? she called to inform your wife about the funeral. it seems like her mother is expecting her to go. if she knew about the affair, maybe she wouldn't? not going may then be questioned, leading to the affair being revealed? that would at least explain why she would want to go.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NTA
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NAH
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INFO
| 0.020963 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: married 15 years and almost didn't make it this far. in our second year of marriage my wife went home when i was deployed and slept with some dickhead (who i'll refer to as sd from here out) who she was loose acquaintances with growing up. she hadn't seen him in years but he just happened to show up during my daughter's birthday party because he was the son of one of my mother-in-law's old friends. sd and my wife hooked up later that week after reconnecting. &#x200b; the reason i didn't kick my wife's ass to the curb and eventually forgave her is because she told me herself soon after i got home. and she didn't try to justify it with the "oh well you were gone, i felt lonely blah blah blah". no she actually said straight up that she was a fucking dumbass (her words not mine, though i agree) and she felt so sick and disgusting for doing it. &#x200b; she immediately cut off all contact with sd and it took a lot of counseling and healing but here we are today; feels like non-stop since that time that my wife has gone above and beyond proving that i was right to keep her. &#x200b; well my mother-in-law called yesterday and she heard from sd's mother that sd died in some workplace accident and they're having a funeral service this weekend. &#x200b; my wife told me this and that she wanted to go and it was like i got kicked right in the dick. i instantly felt nauseous and had fucking horrible flashbacks of when she told me about her affair. all those horrible feelings resurfaced along with the shitty memories of me crying my fucking eyes out and my image of her shattering. the pain felt as fresh as when she dropped that bomb on me. &#x200b; i asked her why seeing as she hadn't talked to the guy in over a decade not to mention...you know....she fucked him while we were married. she keeps saying shit like "it's the right thing to do" and "she just wants to pay respects". &#x200b; i can't stop repeating that i'm so hurt with that decision as he's had no part of her life in so long and i'm re-living all those shitty nights i was sure our family would be shattered and i would only see my daughter 50% of the time. &#x200b; after some back and forth i put my fucking foot down and told her no, she cannot go. i said it's so disrespectful to me and our marriage and we've been on the silent treatment since then. aita? &#x200b;
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
married 15 years and almost didn't make it this far. in our second year of marriage my wife went home when i was deployed and slept with some dickhead (who i'll refer to as sd from here out) who she was loose acquaintances with growing up. she hadn't seen him in years but he just happened to show up during my daughter's birthday party because he was the son of one of my mother-in-law's old friends. sd and my wife hooked up later that week after reconnecting. &#x200b; the reason i didn't kick my wife's ass to the curb and eventually forgave her is because she told me herself soon after i got home. and she didn't try to justify it with the "oh well you were gone, i felt lonely blah blah blah". no she actually said straight up that she was a fucking dumbass (her words not mine, though i agree) and she felt so sick and disgusting for doing it. &#x200b; she immediately cut off all contact with sd and it took a lot of counseling and healing but here we are today; feels like non-stop since that time that my wife has gone above and beyond proving that i was right to keep her. &#x200b; well my mother-in-law called yesterday and she heard from sd's mother that sd died in some workplace accident and they're having a funeral service this weekend. &#x200b; my wife told me this and that she wanted to go and it was like i got kicked right in the dick. i instantly felt nauseous and had fucking horrible flashbacks of when she told me about her affair. all those horrible feelings resurfaced along with the shitty memories of me crying my fucking eyes out and my image of her shattering. the pain felt as fresh as when she dropped that bomb on me. &#x200b; i asked her why seeing as she hadn't talked to the guy in over a decade not to mention...you know....she fucked him while we were married. she keeps saying shit like "it's the right thing to do" and "she just wants to pay respects". &#x200b; i can't stop repeating that i'm so hurt with that decision as he's had no part of her life in so long and i'm re-living all those shitty nights i was sure our family would be shattered and i would only see my daughter 50% of the time. &#x200b; after some back and forth i put my fucking foot down and told her no, she cannot go. i said it's so disrespectful to me and our marriage and we've been on the silent treatment since then. aita? &#x200b; [/INST] nta. you are obviously distressed and she should consider this. also, excuse my atheism, this person is dead. his non-conscious decaying body will not care who shows up. add: oh, my first gold! and my first silver ( </s>
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AITA For walking out on a double date my friend set up with him, his girlfriend and a girl I had already rejected before
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i feel like i need to say this for this post not to be removed, this is not about the date, about relationships or something i want a judgement on me walking out of there.
cast: me (25m), joe(26m), jane(24f)
to give you a little background to this situation, i met jane through joe's girlfriend at her birthday party last year. at first jane was fun to talk to but not even an hour later jane was really in to me and tried really badly to hit on me during the party, which pretty much ruined my time there as the feeling was not mutual in the slightest bit also at the time i was already with someone. so the first impression i got from jane was that she was clingy, annoying and just wouldn't stop bothering me.
unfortunately for me she became part of my larger friend group because she is part of joe's girlfriends friend group(that is a mouthful sheesh) and because me and joe hang out a lot and i am also friends with his girlfriend, i pretty much run in to her at minimum twice a month.
so first time jane asked me out was a month after that party, i informed her i was with someone and not interested, she tried again a 2 months later when i broke up with my then girlfriend, again i declined her advances and told her i was not interested. i got in to a new relationship not long after but unfortunately she and i broke up about 2 months ago. since then as you might have anticipated, jane has asked me out again, i said no again.
well that brings us to this week, everything has been opening up here and joe had been trying to fix me up with a friend of his girlfriend and would not tell me who(he is well aware of me having rejected jane multiple times and the fact i am not interested in her, he knows this in detail.) after a lot of what he calls convincing and i call whining(i had no interest in dating anytime soon) i relented and decided to agree to this double date idea of his.
we agree on meeting at joe's apartment and lo and behold joe, his girlfriend and jane are occupying the dinner table obviously intending for my date to be jane, i honestly just got so goddamn angry i that i couldn't even get a single word out, turned around and left.
i have been bombarded with texts and calls about how much of a douche i am and how terribly i hurt jane and so on and i am just like, i literally rejected her like three times, i am not interested in her, you knew that, your girlfriend knew that, our entire friend group has a running joke about obsessive jane ffs so literally everyone knows it. so am i the asshole?
| 28,682 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hgr9s6/aita_for_walking_out_on_a_double_date_my_friend/
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2020-06-27 10:33:44
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nta
but your friend obviously is. setting someone up with someone who rejected that person is cruel. not the fact that you turned around. i would honestly done the same.....
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nta
you've made your feelings more than clear to jane and your friend as well. you had every right to leave, as you had already rejected her 3 times and *still* she set herself up for rejection number 4. you're not responsible for her hurt feelings at this point.
your friend should have known better than to blindside you with a "date" with someone he knows full well you have zero interest in. though if i might venture a guess, i'd say that the double date was 100% jane's and your friends' girlfriends' idea, and your friend most likely just got pressured into convincing you to come.
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nta. everyone else is ta in the situation. if the roles were reversed and you were a woman and jane was a man i'm sure no one would be giving you a hard time right now..
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nta you may want to speak to your friend about it
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nta
you definitely made the right call by leaving. jane is trying to force you into a relationship with her, and if you give her even the slightest implication that there may be a chance she will continue pestering you with unwanted attention.
she needed this very clear message that you are not interested in even entertaining the idea of dating her. her feelings towards you do not entitle her to a shot with you if you aren't interested, and you already told her several times that you weren't.
this is honestly really disgusting behavior on joe and his gf's part, and they should be apologizing to you.
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nta. everyone else in this scenario sucks except you. why would your friend and his gf set jane up to be humiliated when they knew how you felt? honestly they were just nasty.
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nta. definitely nta. jane can't take the hint that you're not interested in her and your friend and his girlfriend were trying to manipulate you into going out with her.
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nta. jane needs to learn to take no for an answer and john is a terrible friend for doing this to you. not that it’s any excuse but perhaps he was forced/pressured/manipulated into this stupid plan by his girlfriend and didn’t have the nuts to stay no to her. again, still not excuse and all 3 of them are ta’s.
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nta, i can understand jane trying once or twice, but a third rejection you think she would get the hint.
the fact that your friends know how you feel about her, yet still did that? its a massive red flag.
it shows a lack of respect for jane and an even bigger lack of respect for you.
how dare your friends put you in that situation? thats disgusting and childish behavior
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nta
you rejected jane, everyone was aware, the double date idea is not only stupid but also... very, very much ultra stupid.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i feel like i need to say this for this post not to be removed, this is not about the date, about relationships or something i want a judgement on me walking out of there. cast: me (25m), joe(26m), jane(24f) to give you a little background to this situation, i met jane through joe's girlfriend at her birthday party last year. at first jane was fun to talk to but not even an hour later jane was really in to me and tried really badly to hit on me during the party, which pretty much ruined my time there as the feeling was not mutual in the slightest bit also at the time i was already with someone. so the first impression i got from jane was that she was clingy, annoying and just wouldn't stop bothering me. unfortunately for me she became part of my larger friend group because she is part of joe's girlfriends friend group(that is a mouthful sheesh) and because me and joe hang out a lot and i am also friends with his girlfriend, i pretty much run in to her at minimum twice a month. so first time jane asked me out was a month after that party, i informed her i was with someone and not interested, she tried again a 2 months later when i broke up with my then girlfriend, again i declined her advances and told her i was not interested. i got in to a new relationship not long after but unfortunately she and i broke up about 2 months ago. since then as you might have anticipated, jane has asked me out again, i said no again. well that brings us to this week, everything has been opening up here and joe had been trying to fix me up with a friend of his girlfriend and would not tell me who(he is well aware of me having rejected jane multiple times and the fact i am not interested in her, he knows this in detail.) after a lot of what he calls convincing and i call whining(i had no interest in dating anytime soon) i relented and decided to agree to this double date idea of his. we agree on meeting at joe's apartment and lo and behold joe, his girlfriend and jane are occupying the dinner table obviously intending for my date to be jane, i honestly just got so goddamn angry i that i couldn't even get a single word out, turned around and left. i have been bombarded with texts and calls about how much of a douche i am and how terribly i hurt jane and so on and i am just like, i literally rejected her like three times, i am not interested in her, you knew that, your girlfriend knew that, our entire friend group has a running joke about obsessive jane ffs so literally everyone knows it. so am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i feel like i need to say this for this post not to be removed, this is not about the date, about relationships or something i want a judgement on me walking out of there. cast: me (25m), joe(26m), jane(24f) to give you a little background to this situation, i met jane through joe's girlfriend at her birthday party last year. at first jane was fun to talk to but not even an hour later jane was really in to me and tried really badly to hit on me during the party, which pretty much ruined my time there as the feeling was not mutual in the slightest bit also at the time i was already with someone. so the first impression i got from jane was that she was clingy, annoying and just wouldn't stop bothering me. unfortunately for me she became part of my larger friend group because she is part of joe's girlfriends friend group(that is a mouthful sheesh) and because me and joe hang out a lot and i am also friends with his girlfriend, i pretty much run in to her at minimum twice a month. so first time jane asked me out was a month after that party, i informed her i was with someone and not interested, she tried again a 2 months later when i broke up with my then girlfriend, again i declined her advances and told her i was not interested. i got in to a new relationship not long after but unfortunately she and i broke up about 2 months ago. since then as you might have anticipated, jane has asked me out again, i said no again. well that brings us to this week, everything has been opening up here and joe had been trying to fix me up with a friend of his girlfriend and would not tell me who(he is well aware of me having rejected jane multiple times and the fact i am not interested in her, he knows this in detail.) after a lot of what he calls convincing and i call whining(i had no interest in dating anytime soon) i relented and decided to agree to this double date idea of his. we agree on meeting at joe's apartment and lo and behold joe, his girlfriend and jane are occupying the dinner table obviously intending for my date to be jane, i honestly just got so goddamn angry i that i couldn't even get a single word out, turned around and left. i have been bombarded with texts and calls about how much of a douche i am and how terribly i hurt jane and so on and i am just like, i literally rejected her like three times, i am not interested in her, you knew that, your girlfriend knew that, our entire friend group has a running joke about obsessive jane ffs so literally everyone knows it. so am i the asshole? [/INST] nta but your friend obviously is. setting someone up with someone who rejected that person is cruel. not the fact that you turned around. i would honestly done the same..... </s>
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AITA for bringing my entire family to the restaurant where my girlfriend was working as a server in order to meet her?
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i (24m) have been dating my girlfriend (26f) for several months. she works as a server at a local, popular restaurant.
my family has been for a few weeks now asking to meet her. i have two older sisters (31 and 27) as well as three nieces and mother and father who are both in their late fifties. my girlfriend doesn't have a good relationship with her own parents and has expressed envy over me having a good relationship with mine. i've asked her a few times to come with me to meet my family but she's always had an excuse why she couldn't.
so, anyway, last weekend i brought my whole family (my parents as well as my sisters and their husbands and their kids) to her restaurant. i requested a table in her section. when she saw us i could tell that she was taken aback but she did her job well and even took the time to talk to us all and get to know my parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, and nieces as well as she could while still doing her job and taking care of her other customers. upon leaving my entire family expressed that they really liked her, that i was lucky, and that they were glad to have met her. they also left her a huge tip. i thought the whole thing was fine.
however, after she got off her shift my girlfriend texted me and said "thanks a lot, you jackass." i called her and she went off on me about how i shouldn't have blindsided her by bringing my whole family and how she should have had the chance to meet my family on her terms. i responded that she didn't seem to want to meet my family whenever i brought it up so that if it were to ever happen this was the way i'd figured out. but she said that what i did was wrong and that she had to give my family special attention at the expense of her other tables, which i think wasn't true.
maybe i shouldn't have sprung my whole family on her in the way i did. but it went well, and i am kind of annoyed that she can't see that.
| 12,261 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t11r88/aita_for_bringing_my_entire_family_to_the/
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2022-02-25 11:24:51
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yta. the update'll be that she dumped you and that you're surprised.
she's right, you've blindsided her with something that she's having difficulty coping with. instead of easing her into another possible meeting scenario (offering only meeting one of your sisters at a time, for example, and respecting whatever decision she made), you *show up with your whole family at her place of work*. so not only are you ignoring her opinions, but you're also putting her on a tough time at work.
please update us that she broke up with you.
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ohhhh yta. for sure. how uncomfortable for her!! regardless that your family liked her and left a “huge” tip. yuck. i’d be so pissed at you if it was me! the fact that you don’t see an issue, is a huge issue. you should be very apologetic to her
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yta.
>i responded that she didn't seem to want to meet my family whenever i brought it up so that if it were to ever happen this was the way i'd figured out.
"am i the asshole for conspiring to force my girlfriend to interact with people that i knew she didn't want to interact with?"
really?
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yta. she clearly wasn't ready to meet them, and instead of respecting that you trampled all over it and brought them into her work (where she quite literally has no choice but to be as respectful and polite as possible) and forced an interaction on her. there is no "maybe" you shouldn't have done that, you absolutely shouldn't have.
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yta. you blindsided her without even a heads up about them showing up at the restaurant. she was at work and would have had to have had her game face on regardless. you disregarded her feelings here and were only thinking about your own.
if she had worked in an office would you have brought them all in? of course not. just because it's a restaurant doesn't mean it's not a place of employment. she wouldn't have been able to mentally prepare, or wear the clothes she wanted, or even make a first impression on on her terms.
you owe her an apology.
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yta. that was really not fair of you.
1. you should’ve waited until she was ready to meet your family.
2. no one wants to meet their partner’s family for the first time while working. of course she had to prioritize your table over the others.
3. you want to prepare. goodness dude, most people want to make a good first impression. maybe she wanted to meet them while wearing a nice outfit and having washed her hair, not during busy, sweaty day at work.
you messed up. i’m glad your family liked her, but that still doesn’t make up for the blindside. apologize and ask her how you can make it up to her.
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i have to ask how much of a tip was left because i’m dying to know whether is really was a huge tip or not. btw yta.
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[removed]
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yta. there's no way you actually think that springing your family on her while she's working is a good idea to meet your family for the first time.
she must have been so embarrassed, you really are a jackass for making her go through with that.
this too:
>even took the time to talk to us all and get to know my parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, and nieces as well as she could while still doing her job
>
>she had to give my family special attention at the expense of her other tables
no, a waiter can't "make time to get to know your family", you didn't just embarrass your girlfriend. you also probably inadvertently ruined other people's time out at the restaurant.
if your girlfriend was a proctologist, would you schedule your entire family for rectal exams?
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yta. you said it yourself- you knew she didn’t want to meet your family yet. so you forced the issue. at her job, no less!!
there is no scenario in which you are not the asshole.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (24m) have been dating my girlfriend (26f) for several months. she works as a server at a local, popular restaurant. my family has been for a few weeks now asking to meet her. i have two older sisters (31 and 27) as well as three nieces and mother and father who are both in their late fifties. my girlfriend doesn't have a good relationship with her own parents and has expressed envy over me having a good relationship with mine. i've asked her a few times to come with me to meet my family but she's always had an excuse why she couldn't. so, anyway, last weekend i brought my whole family (my parents as well as my sisters and their husbands and their kids) to her restaurant. i requested a table in her section. when she saw us i could tell that she was taken aback but she did her job well and even took the time to talk to us all and get to know my parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, and nieces as well as she could while still doing her job and taking care of her other customers. upon leaving my entire family expressed that they really liked her, that i was lucky, and that they were glad to have met her. they also left her a huge tip. i thought the whole thing was fine. however, after she got off her shift my girlfriend texted me and said "thanks a lot, you jackass." i called her and she went off on me about how i shouldn't have blindsided her by bringing my whole family and how she should have had the chance to meet my family on her terms. i responded that she didn't seem to want to meet my family whenever i brought it up so that if it were to ever happen this was the way i'd figured out. but she said that what i did was wrong and that she had to give my family special attention at the expense of her other tables, which i think wasn't true. maybe i shouldn't have sprung my whole family on her in the way i did. but it went well, and i am kind of annoyed that she can't see that.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (24m) have been dating my girlfriend (26f) for several months. she works as a server at a local, popular restaurant. my family has been for a few weeks now asking to meet her. i have two older sisters (31 and 27) as well as three nieces and mother and father who are both in their late fifties. my girlfriend doesn't have a good relationship with her own parents and has expressed envy over me having a good relationship with mine. i've asked her a few times to come with me to meet my family but she's always had an excuse why she couldn't. so, anyway, last weekend i brought my whole family (my parents as well as my sisters and their husbands and their kids) to her restaurant. i requested a table in her section. when she saw us i could tell that she was taken aback but she did her job well and even took the time to talk to us all and get to know my parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, and nieces as well as she could while still doing her job and taking care of her other customers. upon leaving my entire family expressed that they really liked her, that i was lucky, and that they were glad to have met her. they also left her a huge tip. i thought the whole thing was fine. however, after she got off her shift my girlfriend texted me and said "thanks a lot, you jackass." i called her and she went off on me about how i shouldn't have blindsided her by bringing my whole family and how she should have had the chance to meet my family on her terms. i responded that she didn't seem to want to meet my family whenever i brought it up so that if it were to ever happen this was the way i'd figured out. but she said that what i did was wrong and that she had to give my family special attention at the expense of her other tables, which i think wasn't true. maybe i shouldn't have sprung my whole family on her in the way i did. but it went well, and i am kind of annoyed that she can't see that. [/INST] yta. the update'll be that she dumped you and that you're surprised. she's right, you've blindsided her with something that she's having difficulty coping with. instead of easing her into another possible meeting scenario (offering only meeting one of your sisters at a time, for example, and respecting whatever decision she made), you *show up with your whole family at her place of work*. so not only are you ignoring her opinions, but you're also putting her on a tough time at work. please update us that she broke up with you. </s>
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AITA telling my co worker that I will report him after he announced my pregnancy during lunchbreak?
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i f33 have been working in this company for 4 years. i have great relationship with my co workers and one of them is "austin". austin is incredibly sociable and easy to adapt with new co workers. we talk about all kinds of stuff while of course keeping it professional.
i'm married and recently found out i was pregnant but only my husband knew about it. haven't even told anyone in our families or friend circle.
the other day at work me and the co workers were on lunch break and austin was with us. we talked then he suddenly got up from his chair and asked for everyone's attention for a minute. i didn't know what that was about til he loudly announced that i was pregnant. i was stunned, like mouth open eyes not moving just staring at him as he and the other rushed to congratulate me and flood me with well wishes and parenting jokes and advice. i was in utter shock i asked how he knew and he said "remember when you gave me a ride the other day? i saw your pregnancy test result on the dashboard" my first action was lashing out at him infront of everyone asking why the hell he just shared a private medical information at my workplace. he said he was just sharing "our joy" with everyone else since only him and i knew. other co workers asked that i calm down but i meanly told him he was out of line and that i will be reporting him to my superior for this then stormed off while austin just stood there.
my female co workers came to tell me how rude i was towards austin's "nice gesture" and insisted i hurt him and that i overreacted especially for saying i will be reporting him since he was just sharing happy news with everyone and i was just being too sensitive but i felt my privacy was violated plus i wanted to tell everyone on my own terms. still my co workers tried to talk me out of it. not just that but apologize to him for lashing out like that.
aita for my reaction?
| 22,321 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rt72fp/aita_telling_my_co_worker_that_i_will_report_him/
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2022-01-01 00:19:38
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nta. what if it hadn't been yours at all, but your sisters? or yours but a memory from a baby you lost. austin's behaviour was wildly inappropriate.
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nta. for those questioning this:
how about op tell the office about austin’s std diagnosis?
oh, is that a violation?
op’s medical condition (pregnancy can be life threatening and is deeply personal) is her business and no one has the right to share it on her behalf unless she says so.
grow up.
edit to add: please also consider that although it is illegal in many places to discriminate against pregnancy, it still happens often. if op was up for a promotion, it’s a very real possibility that austin just ruined that for her if the bosses think she won’t have time for new responsibilities.
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nice gesture? all it was was a lot of scene-stealing by austin. a lot of "pay attention to me" by austin. nta, and i'd report austin too.
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as someone who had a baby in the last year and had to hide their pregnancy due to the industry they are in, i can honestly say that you are nta. this is your news to tell. not his.
also, what's with his
>our joy
crap? is the baby his? if not, it's none of his business. having another man say that they are "sharing our joy" sounds like you two were having an affair which you weren't. i'd report him for that insinuation alone.
also, the nice gesture crap is not right. if you and your husband didn't tell anyone, then it's really an invasion of privacy. your coworker who said it was a "nice gesture" should be asked "so if he told everyone that you were pregnant when no one else knew, robbing you of the chance to tell someone or, if he told everyone you had cancer when no one else knew by looking at a note you wrote on your desk, you'd be fine with that?"
no, just no. report away. this is a gross invasion of privacy.
congratulations on the news.
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nta and i have to be honest i'm a little baffled by all of the people who think that there is nothing to report.
hr isn't the police. things don't have to be explicitly against a rule in the same way they'd have to be against a law for police to take action. part of management and hr's job is to correct employees when they behave unprofessionally. which austin most clearly did.
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"our joy".... does he think he's the father? 🤔
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nta
you coworkers are really strange. this is obviously not ok
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nta.
report.him like yesterday.
it does not matter he saw the paper outside of work. he is not your partner he is not to say shit.
what he did was beyond inappropriate. it's your body not his. and also it's not right at all.
and also some jobs are known to be hostile towards pregnant woman (and often try to fire them often and fast) so he could've put your job at risk!
like no report him please. they don't see an issue because it's not them going thru it! and also news travels fast! someone may be friends with someone in your friend group or family and bam announcement is ruined.
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nta
he was looking for an excuse to be the center of attention and he used you for that
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nta. your pregnancy announcement is yours to share (or not). there are many legitimate reasons you might not have wanted to share this information at work. he was completely out of line. this wasn't his happy news. austin should have kept his mouth shut. i'd be angry, too.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i f33 have been working in this company for 4 years. i have great relationship with my co workers and one of them is "austin". austin is incredibly sociable and easy to adapt with new co workers. we talk about all kinds of stuff while of course keeping it professional. i'm married and recently found out i was pregnant but only my husband knew about it. haven't even told anyone in our families or friend circle. the other day at work me and the co workers were on lunch break and austin was with us. we talked then he suddenly got up from his chair and asked for everyone's attention for a minute. i didn't know what that was about til he loudly announced that i was pregnant. i was stunned, like mouth open eyes not moving just staring at him as he and the other rushed to congratulate me and flood me with well wishes and parenting jokes and advice. i was in utter shock i asked how he knew and he said "remember when you gave me a ride the other day? i saw your pregnancy test result on the dashboard" my first action was lashing out at him infront of everyone asking why the hell he just shared a private medical information at my workplace. he said he was just sharing "our joy" with everyone else since only him and i knew. other co workers asked that i calm down but i meanly told him he was out of line and that i will be reporting him to my superior for this then stormed off while austin just stood there. my female co workers came to tell me how rude i was towards austin's "nice gesture" and insisted i hurt him and that i overreacted especially for saying i will be reporting him since he was just sharing happy news with everyone and i was just being too sensitive but i felt my privacy was violated plus i wanted to tell everyone on my own terms. still my co workers tried to talk me out of it. not just that but apologize to him for lashing out like that. aita for my reaction?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i f33 have been working in this company for 4 years. i have great relationship with my co workers and one of them is "austin". austin is incredibly sociable and easy to adapt with new co workers. we talk about all kinds of stuff while of course keeping it professional. i'm married and recently found out i was pregnant but only my husband knew about it. haven't even told anyone in our families or friend circle. the other day at work me and the co workers were on lunch break and austin was with us. we talked then he suddenly got up from his chair and asked for everyone's attention for a minute. i didn't know what that was about til he loudly announced that i was pregnant. i was stunned, like mouth open eyes not moving just staring at him as he and the other rushed to congratulate me and flood me with well wishes and parenting jokes and advice. i was in utter shock i asked how he knew and he said "remember when you gave me a ride the other day? i saw your pregnancy test result on the dashboard" my first action was lashing out at him infront of everyone asking why the hell he just shared a private medical information at my workplace. he said he was just sharing "our joy" with everyone else since only him and i knew. other co workers asked that i calm down but i meanly told him he was out of line and that i will be reporting him to my superior for this then stormed off while austin just stood there. my female co workers came to tell me how rude i was towards austin's "nice gesture" and insisted i hurt him and that i overreacted especially for saying i will be reporting him since he was just sharing happy news with everyone and i was just being too sensitive but i felt my privacy was violated plus i wanted to tell everyone on my own terms. still my co workers tried to talk me out of it. not just that but apologize to him for lashing out like that. aita for my reaction? [/INST] nta. what if it hadn't been yours at all, but your sisters? or yours but a memory from a baby you lost. austin's behaviour was wildly inappropriate. </s>
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AITA for refusing to drop charges against a 16 yo?
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my brother (17m) lives with me (25f) and my husband (26m) full since both our parents passed away in an accident last feb. he's a great kid, but losing our parents made him a quiet, sad young boy. i've tried to encourage him to attend therapy so he can work on his grief, but he has refused every single time telling me that he's not ready yet. i get it, everyone works at their own peace and as longs as he's not deliberately hurting himself, i won't pressure him. i try to be as involve in his life as i can be without it being overwhelming, we both enjoy movie nights or binge watch shows on the weekends and he also helps my husband with his old car.
before our parents passing my brother had a gf (16), she seemed like a good kid too, but after the funeral my brother decided that being in a relationship wasn't what he needed at that time and broke up with her. totally valid. but she didn't take it good and was sure that my brother only needed ''some love'' to heal.
last month she began to drop letters and gifts to our door and my brother refused to open them every single time, she used to message and call him too and i could see the distress on my brother's face. the worst thing happened last friday, it was my brother's birthday and my husband and i decided to take him out, when we got back he went to his room and as soon as he did it, eh came down running.
now, his ex found her own way into my house, arranged his room with photos of him with her, their friends and our family, put some balloons and was waiting for him with a cake, mind you, this is creepy as fuck, so while my husband entertained her i called the police and they took her for trespassing private property. my brother is thankful, but my husband and the kid's parents are sure i'm overreacting and that i should drop the charges because she's trying to do something nice.
**little
| 27,007 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pxhbiu/aita_for_refusing_to_drop_charges_against_a_16_yo/
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2021-09-28 22:14:13
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nta - if the gender roles were reversed i’m sure nobody would be okay with this happening. she’s refusing to respect a firm boundary that has been set. play stupid games win stupid prizes.
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nta let's do the gender reverse test.
a sixteen year old boy is broken up with by his girlfriend and sends her a bunch of letters, gifts, and eventually breaks into her house and bedroom.
she's turned into a stalker op and you need to protect your brother from her.
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she *broke into your home*. nta.
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nta. what your brother’s ex was doing is not an innocent behavior, it’s quite literally stalking and harassing him. this could devolve into something more dangerous, and it’s good that you did something about it
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nta that’s stalking. it doesn’t matter how sweet her intentions are, that’s what she’s doing. her youth and femininity do not give her a pass. she was told to stop. she did not. instead, she displayed a clear pattern of escalating behavior. there’s no reason to believe she won’t decide to take it further if she gets away with this.
this is a life lesson she needs to learn. it doesn’t matter how harsh anyone else thinks it is. you don’t break into someone’s home and play victim when there are consequences.
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nta. if the genders were switched, this would be lifetime's movie of the week.
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nta. this is traumatizing as hell for your brother. he's always going to be worried about the next gf doing something as creepy as this. he needs therapy to discuss this and realize this is not normal. also, maybe consider a restraining order? what's she's doing is harassment and if it was gender-reversed your husband wouldn't think you were overreacting one little bit.
she also needs to get her shit together. she's a minor. this will be wiped clean when she turns 18. this is the wake up call she needs to back the fuck up.
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nta
i am thinking the next thing would be to find a rabbit in the stockpot on the stove. that would have really showed her love.
when someone breaks up with you, that isn't an invitation to stalk them and just not take no for an answer. if you let her get away scott free, then you are enabling her, and she will continue the behavior.
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she’s stalking him and you’re protecting him, as you should. nta.
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nta. that is stalker behavior. i would also consider a restraining/no contact order as well
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother (17m) lives with me (25f) and my husband (26m) full since both our parents passed away in an accident last feb. he's a great kid, but losing our parents made him a quiet, sad young boy. i've tried to encourage him to attend therapy so he can work on his grief, but he has refused every single time telling me that he's not ready yet. i get it, everyone works at their own peace and as longs as he's not deliberately hurting himself, i won't pressure him. i try to be as involve in his life as i can be without it being overwhelming, we both enjoy movie nights or binge watch shows on the weekends and he also helps my husband with his old car. before our parents passing my brother had a gf (16), she seemed like a good kid too, but after the funeral my brother decided that being in a relationship wasn't what he needed at that time and broke up with her. totally valid. but she didn't take it good and was sure that my brother only needed ''some love'' to heal. last month she began to drop letters and gifts to our door and my brother refused to open them every single time, she used to message and call him too and i could see the distress on my brother's face. the worst thing happened last friday, it was my brother's birthday and my husband and i decided to take him out, when we got back he went to his room and as soon as he did it, eh came down running. now, his ex found her own way into my house, arranged his room with photos of him with her, their friends and our family, put some balloons and was waiting for him with a cake, mind you, this is creepy as fuck, so while my husband entertained her i called the police and they took her for trespassing private property. my brother is thankful, but my husband and the kid's parents are sure i'm overreacting and that i should drop the charges because she's trying to do something nice. **little
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother (17m) lives with me (25f) and my husband (26m) full since both our parents passed away in an accident last feb. he's a great kid, but losing our parents made him a quiet, sad young boy. i've tried to encourage him to attend therapy so he can work on his grief, but he has refused every single time telling me that he's not ready yet. i get it, everyone works at their own peace and as longs as he's not deliberately hurting himself, i won't pressure him. i try to be as involve in his life as i can be without it being overwhelming, we both enjoy movie nights or binge watch shows on the weekends and he also helps my husband with his old car. before our parents passing my brother had a gf (16), she seemed like a good kid too, but after the funeral my brother decided that being in a relationship wasn't what he needed at that time and broke up with her. totally valid. but she didn't take it good and was sure that my brother only needed ''some love'' to heal. last month she began to drop letters and gifts to our door and my brother refused to open them every single time, she used to message and call him too and i could see the distress on my brother's face. the worst thing happened last friday, it was my brother's birthday and my husband and i decided to take him out, when we got back he went to his room and as soon as he did it, eh came down running. now, his ex found her own way into my house, arranged his room with photos of him with her, their friends and our family, put some balloons and was waiting for him with a cake, mind you, this is creepy as fuck, so while my husband entertained her i called the police and they took her for trespassing private property. my brother is thankful, but my husband and the kid's parents are sure i'm overreacting and that i should drop the charges because she's trying to do something nice. **little [/INST] nta - if the gender roles were reversed i’m sure nobody would be okay with this happening. she’s refusing to respect a firm boundary that has been set. play stupid games win stupid prizes. </s>
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AITA for taking the cake I baked for my fiance's birthday and going home?
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me f25 and fiance m31 'ben''s mom don't have the best relationship. i try my best to be polite around her but she's the type that'd have high standards/expectations of whoever dates her son's (she has 3). she's commented on my hair and body several times and at some point suggested "cosmetic" surgeries for the future. this upsets me but ben tells me this is who she is and i need to learn to have a thick skin since often times, she doesn't really mean to be malicious.
anyways, i'm known for baking cakes and sweets. ben eats what i make but whenever i bring something to his family to try they find every excuse in the world not to eat it. i'm ok with that and stopped doing it.
for ben's 31st birthday, his mom wanted to host the party. i decided to bake him his birthday cake and he was thrilled with it. i went grocery shopping, took time off work and put so much effort into making it how he likes it. i took it with me to his mom's house and to my surprise when i walked in i saw a large birthday cake sitting at the dinning table. i was puzzled, fmil said she requested this cake from the bakery and paid xxx money for it. i asked "what about the cake i've made?". she responded "oh you can place it on the counter over there and we'll let the kids have it". this felt like ice was dropped all over me, i looked at ben and he nodded at me in a "just do it" way. i was so mad and the cake was still in my hands at the time. i turned around and made my way to the door. his mom remained standing but ben followed me asking where i was going. i told him that he didn't need my cake and by extention me since my efforts were so easily dismissed and disrespected. he said i was overreacting and that his mom paid so much for that cake and it was only fair that he accept it. he begged me to get back inside and do him this favor by basically just go with the flow but i decided to go home. he got mad and started saying i was being unreasonable and stirring drama over nothing.
i went home and he didn't get back til 11 pm. he was so upset he said he and his family didn't appreciate the childish behavior i displayed and ruining his party and disrespecting his mom like that. said i turned this into a huge deal and should've acted more maturelly instead of walking out with the cake.
aita for taking the cake and walking out?
| 21,562 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vr54gq/aita_for_taking_the_cake_i_baked_for_my_fiances/
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2022-07-04 11:18:13
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nta... please don't marry this man. run far, far away and bake your cakes for someone who chooses you, not their mom. you deserve it.
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nta. the fact that your future husband is telling you to just accept his mom's bullshit with a smile, and then gets mad at you when you don't is very telling. if you marry him, this is just going to grow over time.
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nta and realize this is going to be your life. him never having your back.
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info: was she aware you were bringing a cake? did you make sure she knew you wanted to bring the cake?
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yta if you stay with him. when someone shows you who they are, believe them. ben will never be your partner when he already has a spouse in his mum
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nta.. run.. don't look back. if you get tangled with this family you might get yourself one way ticket to 'mental health institution'. honestly, there's no good happen when bf mom is mil from hell or ownership of hell hound.
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info: did his mum know you were making the birthday cake? was this discussed at all with her as she was hosting and presumably providing everything? did you only talk about it with your fiance?
if she knew and agreed to you making it, that was definitely an arsehole move on her part. it was at best a total disregard for the effort you put in, by relegating it to kids only, rather than just sharing the table with the bought cake. at worst it was a power move to show you how little you matter.
if she didn't know, then.... kind of wasn't a great move on your part to just walk out in a huff.
but. you have a fiance who doesn't stick up for you, that tells you to put up with his mum being rude to you. is this really how you want to live, with him always putting his mum first? you need to have frank discussions with him about your relationship and about his mother's place in it before you get married, and set boundaries as to what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behaviour from her.
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nta. all your mil did was throw some cash at someone. you, however, put time and effort and love into making the exact cake he requested, therefore showing him how much he means to you - and he dismissed it just like that because mommy dearest went to the bakery?
i see you're engaged. i hope you realize that this is exactly how it's going to be for the rest of your lives and i hope you know that by marrying him, you realize that this is what you're getting yourself into. if your relationship with him is worth all of this then by all means, continue, but if you don't see yourself putting up with his momma's boy behavior for the rest of your lives then i think you have some reconsidering to do.
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birthdays typically have **a** cake. i think you know that.
if both you and mil wanted to make the cake, this is a discussion you should have had beforehand. since you didn't mention doing so, i'm assuming you did not.
why, in that case, were you surprised that mil had bought/made a cake? if you, who mentioned this to nobody, had elected to bring cookies, you would have expected there to be no cake at the birthday party?
you knew your baking was unpopular. you expected to provide the central item for the celebration, knowing that this would create drama. yta
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if mom didn't know about your cake then walking out in a huff was kind of a dick move (though she ought to have been more gracious about yours either way), but as others point out the salient issue is that fiancee is a momma's boy. actual marriage will change nothing. it'll always be three of you in the marriage & you will always be the third wheel.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
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NTA
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INFO
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NTA
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YTA
| null | 0.362887 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: me f25 and fiance m31 'ben''s mom don't have the best relationship. i try my best to be polite around her but she's the type that'd have high standards/expectations of whoever dates her son's (she has 3). she's commented on my hair and body several times and at some point suggested "cosmetic" surgeries for the future. this upsets me but ben tells me this is who she is and i need to learn to have a thick skin since often times, she doesn't really mean to be malicious. anyways, i'm known for baking cakes and sweets. ben eats what i make but whenever i bring something to his family to try they find every excuse in the world not to eat it. i'm ok with that and stopped doing it. for ben's 31st birthday, his mom wanted to host the party. i decided to bake him his birthday cake and he was thrilled with it. i went grocery shopping, took time off work and put so much effort into making it how he likes it. i took it with me to his mom's house and to my surprise when i walked in i saw a large birthday cake sitting at the dinning table. i was puzzled, fmil said she requested this cake from the bakery and paid xxx money for it. i asked "what about the cake i've made?". she responded "oh you can place it on the counter over there and we'll let the kids have it". this felt like ice was dropped all over me, i looked at ben and he nodded at me in a "just do it" way. i was so mad and the cake was still in my hands at the time. i turned around and made my way to the door. his mom remained standing but ben followed me asking where i was going. i told him that he didn't need my cake and by extention me since my efforts were so easily dismissed and disrespected. he said i was overreacting and that his mom paid so much for that cake and it was only fair that he accept it. he begged me to get back inside and do him this favor by basically just go with the flow but i decided to go home. he got mad and started saying i was being unreasonable and stirring drama over nothing. i went home and he didn't get back til 11 pm. he was so upset he said he and his family didn't appreciate the childish behavior i displayed and ruining his party and disrespecting his mom like that. said i turned this into a huge deal and should've acted more maturelly instead of walking out with the cake. aita for taking the cake and walking out?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
me f25 and fiance m31 'ben''s mom don't have the best relationship. i try my best to be polite around her but she's the type that'd have high standards/expectations of whoever dates her son's (she has 3). she's commented on my hair and body several times and at some point suggested "cosmetic" surgeries for the future. this upsets me but ben tells me this is who she is and i need to learn to have a thick skin since often times, she doesn't really mean to be malicious. anyways, i'm known for baking cakes and sweets. ben eats what i make but whenever i bring something to his family to try they find every excuse in the world not to eat it. i'm ok with that and stopped doing it. for ben's 31st birthday, his mom wanted to host the party. i decided to bake him his birthday cake and he was thrilled with it. i went grocery shopping, took time off work and put so much effort into making it how he likes it. i took it with me to his mom's house and to my surprise when i walked in i saw a large birthday cake sitting at the dinning table. i was puzzled, fmil said she requested this cake from the bakery and paid xxx money for it. i asked "what about the cake i've made?". she responded "oh you can place it on the counter over there and we'll let the kids have it". this felt like ice was dropped all over me, i looked at ben and he nodded at me in a "just do it" way. i was so mad and the cake was still in my hands at the time. i turned around and made my way to the door. his mom remained standing but ben followed me asking where i was going. i told him that he didn't need my cake and by extention me since my efforts were so easily dismissed and disrespected. he said i was overreacting and that his mom paid so much for that cake and it was only fair that he accept it. he begged me to get back inside and do him this favor by basically just go with the flow but i decided to go home. he got mad and started saying i was being unreasonable and stirring drama over nothing. i went home and he didn't get back til 11 pm. he was so upset he said he and his family didn't appreciate the childish behavior i displayed and ruining his party and disrespecting his mom like that. said i turned this into a huge deal and should've acted more maturelly instead of walking out with the cake. aita for taking the cake and walking out? [/INST] nta... please don't marry this man. run far, far away and bake your cakes for someone who chooses you, not their mom. you deserve it. </s>
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AITA for not wanting my daughter to marry her cousin?
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my daughter is planning on getting married very soon. however, i found out last week upon doing research on our family tree that my daughter's fiancé is her fifth cousin.
i initially didn't know how to break this news to her, but i finally did several days ago. my daughter apparently thought that this is perfectly fine, and that she's still going to marry him anyway.
i told her that i don't approve of this marriage, and that even though i initially agreed to pay for this wedding, i will not be paying for it if she decides to go through with it. we got into a huge fight, which ended with her telling me that she's cutting me out of her life.
i honestly don't know what to do. i just don't want my daughter to marry her friggin cousin.
| 18,910 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fk3uw4/aita_for_not_wanting_my_daughter_to_marry_her/
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2020-03-17 11:46:31
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yta you agreed to help pay for the wedding. 5th cousin is basically nothing and they were already in love and getting married super soon before finding this out.
were you looking for a reason not to like her fiancé or something? sounds like it.
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yta
edit to add: this blew up, so thank you! please don’t share this comment as a screenshot on other social media platforms :)
there’s a massive difference between a first cousin and a fifth cousin. the genetic risk of marrying even a second cousin is around the same as marrying a stranger - and if she’s marrying her fifth cousin then there’s not likely to be any issues.
we are all related if you look far back enough in our family trees, and as long as she’s happy that’s all that matters.
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you're throwing a hissy fit over someone who was great great great grandpa's brother's kid's kid's kid's kid's kid? do you know how ridiculous that sounds? you can't even realistically call them related at that point, unless you are misinterpreting what a 5th cousin is. if you look hard enough, everyone is related. yta
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yta. average % of dna shared: 0.05% according to a quick google. negligible at worst.
&#x200b;
in any case, that you had to look for it, should have been a clue that it isn't an issue. everyone is related if you go back far enough, including you and your partner.
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yta. fifth cousin is a very distant relation and you’re being a drama queen for reacting this way. you realise that any man she meets is going to be related to her in one way or another? what happens if she meets her 223rd cousin? not a big deal.
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yta - grow up.... seriously. reread what you wrote and tell me you don't already know yta.
your also ruining your kids wedding and making it about yourself at this point. yta for that also.
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yta. fifth cousin? fifth? they have more dna in common with a potato than with each other.
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fifth cousin? as in a complete stranger who isn't part of your family?
yeah either you're lying to yourself and/or your daughter about the real reason you don't approve, or you legit believe this is a problem for some reason that only makes sense to you. either way yta.
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yta. i hope you're joking. a fifth cousin is nothing. half the people you pass in the street are your fifth cousin.
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yta. this is entirely legally and morally fine. 5th cousin is barely related!
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my daughter is planning on getting married very soon. however, i found out last week upon doing research on our family tree that my daughter's fiancé is her fifth cousin. i initially didn't know how to break this news to her, but i finally did several days ago. my daughter apparently thought that this is perfectly fine, and that she's still going to marry him anyway. i told her that i don't approve of this marriage, and that even though i initially agreed to pay for this wedding, i will not be paying for it if she decides to go through with it. we got into a huge fight, which ended with her telling me that she's cutting me out of her life. i honestly don't know what to do. i just don't want my daughter to marry her friggin cousin.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my daughter is planning on getting married very soon. however, i found out last week upon doing research on our family tree that my daughter's fiancé is her fifth cousin. i initially didn't know how to break this news to her, but i finally did several days ago. my daughter apparently thought that this is perfectly fine, and that she's still going to marry him anyway. i told her that i don't approve of this marriage, and that even though i initially agreed to pay for this wedding, i will not be paying for it if she decides to go through with it. we got into a huge fight, which ended with her telling me that she's cutting me out of her life. i honestly don't know what to do. i just don't want my daughter to marry her friggin cousin. [/INST] yta you agreed to help pay for the wedding. 5th cousin is basically nothing and they were already in love and getting married super soon before finding this out. were you looking for a reason not to like her fiancé or something? sounds like it. </s>
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AITA for punishing my daughter for making us all worried?
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my wife and i have a son(17m) together. 16 years ago i was drunk and i slept with another woman which resulted in another child(16f). my wife forgave me but she made it clear that she doesn't want to be anywhere near my daughter. i have my daughter every other weekend and my wife would just go to her parents home every time she is with me.
a few days ago we were going out with my extended family and my daughter was also invited but her mom wasn't invited. she asked me if i could give her a ride and i said yes but when my wife found out she said that while she doesn't have a problem with my daughter being there she doesn't want her to come with us. i tried to change her mind but i couldn't so i asked both my brothers if either of them would bring my daughter with them. they both said yes so i called my daughter and told her i have some problem and asked her to come with one of her uncles and she said it's ok
well we went there and both my brothers came and my daughter wasn't with either one of them. they both said that my daughter told them she is going with the other one
i called her and her mom and all her friends but no one knew where she is so everyone just left to search for her and after a few hours my son found her. i was so mad at her i yelled at her and told her how she made us all worried. i took away her car(that i bought for her) as a punishment
her mom has been calling me, saying i'm an asshole and demanding i give her car back
| 6,103 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yjf15c/aita_for_punishing_my_daughter_for_making_us_all/
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2022-11-01 17:29:31
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yta
i'm sorry i get that your wife is upset with your cheating but she is putting all her anger and hurt feelings onto your daughter. you have two children and if your wife can't see that, then you both should end this relationship. your daugther deserves to have her dad in her life as much as your son does.
if your son is allowed to come with you to an event, then so should your daugther. and if you want to support your wife and can't stick up for your child then she is better off without you.
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yta for making your daughter feel unwelcome and unwanted and then punishing her for acting out instead of sympathizing her. she is not responsible for your infidelity. it is not fair that you let your wife punish her for your mistake.
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esh. you are ta for letting your wife mistreat your daughter like this. what did your daughter ever do to deserve being ostracized? it's weird that your wife can forgive you for your infidelity while taking her anger and frustration out on an innocent girl who had nothing to do with the poor choices you made.
i can't blame your 16 year old daughter for not wanting to come to an event where has already been made to feel unwelcome, but i do think that the way she went about turning down the invitation was wrong. she should have confronted you outright instead of passive aggressively telling each of her potential rides that she already had the transportation covered.
all in all, i'm far more willing to forgive a 16 year old's short-term thoughtlessness over the chronic abuse inflicted by a spineless grown man and his shrew of a wife.
as for taking the car, let me tell you how this will play out long-term. she will eventually come to realize that she doesn't need a darn thing from you and that you can keep your stupid gifts if you're just going to hold them hostage to her placid compliance. ten years from now you're going to be wondering why she never calls or visits. you will likely have forgotten all about this situation by then, but i guarantee that she will still remember.
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yta, but not really for the car thing - you're ah for creating a situation your child feels unwanted and a burden. i get your wife - i don't know if i would be able to be around my partner's affair kid - but nevertheless, this situation sucks for your daughter.
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wife - ah - forgiveness does not carry a prison sentence towards innocent children who did not commit a crime. if your wife wants to be part of your life, then she needs to be part of it. not carefully edited to her liking.
op - ah - stop letting your wife punish your daughter. if she is part of your life and you been forgiven. then you daughter who committed no wrong should be given half a chance.
uncle's - sorta clueless but it's wasn't there job to ensure daughter got a ride.
daughter - brilliant.
your daughter was crying out for attention. she was happy with herself because she saw what has been inflicted onto her for who knows how many years.
what kind of lame punishment could you possibly dish out over being repeatedly made to feel unimportant and a faint inconvenience? did you take her phone away? send her to her room? ground her from seeing her friends? i doubt beating her would correct this emerging behavior.
because at the end of the day. at least you are paying her attention. you are actually there showing her what she really means to you.
now enough of the excuses. sense when does forgiveness carry a sentence for an innocent child?
your daughter didn't do anything to justify you wife wrath.
now stop throwing your own fit becuase she is acting out in ways to get your attention.
instead, take your wife car away too. after all you were forgive and if you could have just given your daughter a ride like your promised to do. your daughter would not have been emotionally hurt to the point of begging for any attention that she could get from her father.
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yta- you failed your child. hey kid you can go to the family function but your step mom can’t stand the sight of you much less get in a car with you. since you are a child plus a shitty driver, in order to be in my esteemed presence and your evil step mother’s golden presence, you must ride with one of your uncles. 16 year old child that has been left out and mentally abused by dad and step mom for something the child had no control over is once again left to feel like less decides to tell dad fu and fu step mom and not go and not answer you because she rightly was upset, sad, pissed etc…
jesus man - she is 16 and every time you pick your wife over her. every time. you were the one who effed around and got found out not your child. so instead of seeing this a hit you over the head with a hammer cry for help from your daughter you double down and take her car. once again showing her your the boss and even when you treat her like the ugly u wanted step kid- you stab the knife in to make sure she knows it. i know what she did was wrong scary but it got your attention. you created this scenario not her. do you think this would have gone down if you had picked her up? your wife has created an untenable situation and it is screwing with your child. get therapy and get family therapy. 16 years are not adults - this is a horrible situation to place a child in so you must be the adult and figure this out because you will lose your daughter with this type of alienating behavior. my heart hurts for her. be a father.
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yta.
i feel bad for your partner for your adultery, and your daughter for this overreaction.
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why is your wife able to forgive you for cheating but feels the need to punish your daughter who has not wronged her?
yta for letting things get this far
was your daughter’s behaviour a problem? of course - but a far bigger problem is that you and your wife cannot act like mature adults. in those circumstances why should she at 16?
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yta - and ywta - your wife’s the asshole. totally. your daughter has had to grow up knowing her dad is married to someone who makes no secret of wishing she - *your child*- didn’t even exist. this should never have happened. once you decided to be in your daughter’s life (the right thing to do) your wife had two options: either divorce you bc she couldn’t deal with your cheating and the resulting child; or stay and commit to working through her jealousy and acknowledging that your daughter is part of your life and therefore also part of her’s. what the two of you have done instead amounts to emotional abuse and big surprise! the kid is acting out! you think she didn’t figure out your childish, selfish wife wasn’t willing to even have her in the car? that you were willing to put up with that crap, as usual, instead of standing up for your own kid? then she loses the car you gave her as - what, a secret santa? oh, no. forgot, you’re her father. seems you and your wife do your best to forget this too. if you guys don’t address the situation and agree it’s long past time for both of you, together, to acknowledge this child is real family, despite the pain involved with how that came to be, you can expect many more incidents of so called “acting out”, culminating with your daughter either disappearing on you to salvage her ego, or worst case scenario, self destructing.
why am i reacting so intensely to this post? i’ve been in the shoes you’re now forcing your daughter to wear. it got harder and harder to walk in them. as i got older, knowing my father chose his wife’s wishes over my existence, i felt horrible about myself. i acted out. i got into huge, almost obliterating trouble in my teens. then i gave up on him. i last spoke to him when i was 21 years old. decades ago.
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question: did you ask her why she did it?
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i have a son(17m) together. 16 years ago i was drunk and i slept with another woman which resulted in another child(16f). my wife forgave me but she made it clear that she doesn't want to be anywhere near my daughter. i have my daughter every other weekend and my wife would just go to her parents home every time she is with me. a few days ago we were going out with my extended family and my daughter was also invited but her mom wasn't invited. she asked me if i could give her a ride and i said yes but when my wife found out she said that while she doesn't have a problem with my daughter being there she doesn't want her to come with us. i tried to change her mind but i couldn't so i asked both my brothers if either of them would bring my daughter with them. they both said yes so i called my daughter and told her i have some problem and asked her to come with one of her uncles and she said it's ok well we went there and both my brothers came and my daughter wasn't with either one of them. they both said that my daughter told them she is going with the other one i called her and her mom and all her friends but no one knew where she is so everyone just left to search for her and after a few hours my son found her. i was so mad at her i yelled at her and told her how she made us all worried. i took away her car(that i bought for her) as a punishment her mom has been calling me, saying i'm an asshole and demanding i give her car back
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i have a son(17m) together. 16 years ago i was drunk and i slept with another woman which resulted in another child(16f). my wife forgave me but she made it clear that she doesn't want to be anywhere near my daughter. i have my daughter every other weekend and my wife would just go to her parents home every time she is with me. a few days ago we were going out with my extended family and my daughter was also invited but her mom wasn't invited. she asked me if i could give her a ride and i said yes but when my wife found out she said that while she doesn't have a problem with my daughter being there she doesn't want her to come with us. i tried to change her mind but i couldn't so i asked both my brothers if either of them would bring my daughter with them. they both said yes so i called my daughter and told her i have some problem and asked her to come with one of her uncles and she said it's ok well we went there and both my brothers came and my daughter wasn't with either one of them. they both said that my daughter told them she is going with the other one i called her and her mom and all her friends but no one knew where she is so everyone just left to search for her and after a few hours my son found her. i was so mad at her i yelled at her and told her how she made us all worried. i took away her car(that i bought for her) as a punishment her mom has been calling me, saying i'm an asshole and demanding i give her car back [/INST] yta i'm sorry i get that your wife is upset with your cheating but she is putting all her anger and hurt feelings onto your daughter. you have two children and if your wife can't see that, then you both should end this relationship. your daugther deserves to have her dad in her life as much as your son does. if your son is allowed to come with you to an event, then so should your daugther. and if you want to support your wife and can't stick up for your child then she is better off without you. </s>
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AITA For reporting my therapist after she disclosed information to my stepmom?
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i (20f) lost my mom in 2018 in a car accident. it was sudden it was devastating and i had no one to turn to for support. my dad married my stepmom a year later. i currently live with them preparing for medical school. i have to say i'm not that excited to start because i have a lot of unresolved grief and needed to talk. my stepmom has been trying to insert herself as a replacement for my mom mad it's very obvious. she's controlling and gets involved in every single aspect of my life it makes me uncomfortable. i told my dad that i'll be seeing a therapist my stepmom said she'd take care of it. i have been in therapy for two months now. however lately i noticed my stepmom wanting to talk to me about things that i regularly bring up in therapy to my therapist. she'd bluntly ask questions about things i said in therapy she at some point offered me money to talk to her. i stopped talking to her. but she started brining up my mom during dinner it's not easy to talk about my mom. it's very stressful and causes me to get emotional. when i asked how she knew she admitted that the therapist told her. i was shocked. she went on about why i shouldn't hate her and respect her more and "get rid" of the negativity and just accept and try to adapt to this new normal. i had no response but i was mad i yelled at her and told her she had no right to police my words and get involved in personal manners. my dad said i shouldn't yell because my stepmom was just worried about me and wanted to make sure i was making progress in therapy. i left the kitchen. i decided to stop seeing my therapist the next day i told her about what my stepmom said and told her that i'll be reporting her for breaking confidentiality.
my stepmom threw a fit and my dad told me to back down and that i was free to stop going but not cause issues and mess with people's careers and act out like that.
i refused to listen to him and he's still telling me to stop it. he ignores how upset i am.
| 22,172 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l4rmkt/aita_for_reporting_my_therapist_after_she/
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2021-01-25 16:41:37
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nta
report her and get as far away from these people as you can. you should be able to talk to your therapist without worrying.
find one who doesn't know her at all.
i'm so sorry
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obviously nta. also just report her without telling your dad and stepmom. it’s not their business.
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nta. i studied psychology for six years, including three years looking at psychological therapies. they drill into us the importance of privacy and confidentiality. by breaking confidentiality she put her own career on the line, and to be frank you owe it yourself and her other patients to report her for that. she knows the rights and wrongs of being a therapist, and she made the wrong choice and should suffer the consequences, otherwise she'll continue to do this and get away with it.
your stepmom was way out of line and should have kept her nose out. if she wants your trust, she's doing a really rubbish job of earning that. if she wants a healthy relationship with you she needs to go about it in an ethical way, and she also needs to understand that these things can't be forced. your dad is also in the wrong for not seeing just how messed up your therapist and stepmom acted in this situation, and he's really let you down for that.
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nta it's a literal breach of conduct. your therapist should have thought about the consequences before breaking their rules. besides it feels like given the dad saying not to do it, maybe this therapist is a friend of your family and giving them.info because of that? nta.
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nta
she broke confidentiality. if she didn't want to lose her job maybe she should actually respect the regulations. she doesn't deserve to be a therapist, because that can seriously mess up people's lives. it's your duty to report!
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nta - literally every person except you is an asshole. your therapist for breaking the law by giving out patient information. your father’s wife for arranging a therapist specifically to break the law by getting patient information, and for trying to be a replacement mother. you don’t need a replacement mother, you had a mother who raised you all the way to adulthood. she’s less a stepmother and m ore just your father’s wife. and your father is an asshole for excusing the illegal behavior of the therapist disclosing patient information to his wife and wanting you to just let it slide.
don’t tell them what you’re doing, just report the therapist. if you want to see a new one arrange it yourself, discuss exactly what happened with them, and set up password protection on your information. and by the way, *you* are not messing with the therapist’s career, they fucked their career the moment they disclosed patient information without permission. she built her own coffin, got in, laid down, and pulled the lid over herself after leaving a hammer and nails laying there. put the nail in the coffin, before she hurts anyone else.
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nta. it’s particularly ridiculous that your father thinks his med school starting daughter is being unreasonable for reporting the therapist for violating basically the same standard you would be required to follow.
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nta
you're an adult and your therapist is divulging confidential discussions between the 2 of you to your stepmother?? wtf??
that is extremely unprofessional, unethical and wrong!
report the therapist!
and find yourself one on your own. if you have insurance, call them up yourself and ask for a list of therapists in your area who take your insurance.
good luck!
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nta.
but i think you already know that. patient confidentiality.
so here's a pat on the back, the therapist did the wrong thing and also knowingly risked their career over it.
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your therapist broke the law. i would be furious too. find an actual professional who respects the law. nta
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (20f) lost my mom in 2018 in a car accident. it was sudden it was devastating and i had no one to turn to for support. my dad married my stepmom a year later. i currently live with them preparing for medical school. i have to say i'm not that excited to start because i have a lot of unresolved grief and needed to talk. my stepmom has been trying to insert herself as a replacement for my mom mad it's very obvious. she's controlling and gets involved in every single aspect of my life it makes me uncomfortable. i told my dad that i'll be seeing a therapist my stepmom said she'd take care of it. i have been in therapy for two months now. however lately i noticed my stepmom wanting to talk to me about things that i regularly bring up in therapy to my therapist. she'd bluntly ask questions about things i said in therapy she at some point offered me money to talk to her. i stopped talking to her. but she started brining up my mom during dinner it's not easy to talk about my mom. it's very stressful and causes me to get emotional. when i asked how she knew she admitted that the therapist told her. i was shocked. she went on about why i shouldn't hate her and respect her more and "get rid" of the negativity and just accept and try to adapt to this new normal. i had no response but i was mad i yelled at her and told her she had no right to police my words and get involved in personal manners. my dad said i shouldn't yell because my stepmom was just worried about me and wanted to make sure i was making progress in therapy. i left the kitchen. i decided to stop seeing my therapist the next day i told her about what my stepmom said and told her that i'll be reporting her for breaking confidentiality. my stepmom threw a fit and my dad told me to back down and that i was free to stop going but not cause issues and mess with people's careers and act out like that. i refused to listen to him and he's still telling me to stop it. he ignores how upset i am.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (20f) lost my mom in 2018 in a car accident. it was sudden it was devastating and i had no one to turn to for support. my dad married my stepmom a year later. i currently live with them preparing for medical school. i have to say i'm not that excited to start because i have a lot of unresolved grief and needed to talk. my stepmom has been trying to insert herself as a replacement for my mom mad it's very obvious. she's controlling and gets involved in every single aspect of my life it makes me uncomfortable. i told my dad that i'll be seeing a therapist my stepmom said she'd take care of it. i have been in therapy for two months now. however lately i noticed my stepmom wanting to talk to me about things that i regularly bring up in therapy to my therapist. she'd bluntly ask questions about things i said in therapy she at some point offered me money to talk to her. i stopped talking to her. but she started brining up my mom during dinner it's not easy to talk about my mom. it's very stressful and causes me to get emotional. when i asked how she knew she admitted that the therapist told her. i was shocked. she went on about why i shouldn't hate her and respect her more and "get rid" of the negativity and just accept and try to adapt to this new normal. i had no response but i was mad i yelled at her and told her she had no right to police my words and get involved in personal manners. my dad said i shouldn't yell because my stepmom was just worried about me and wanted to make sure i was making progress in therapy. i left the kitchen. i decided to stop seeing my therapist the next day i told her about what my stepmom said and told her that i'll be reporting her for breaking confidentiality. my stepmom threw a fit and my dad told me to back down and that i was free to stop going but not cause issues and mess with people's careers and act out like that. i refused to listen to him and he's still telling me to stop it. he ignores how upset i am. [/INST] nta report her and get as far away from these people as you can. you should be able to talk to your therapist without worrying. find one who doesn't know her at all. i'm so sorry </s>
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AITA? My husband won’t let me sleep.
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ok, so i work 12 to 16 hour shifts at an extremely labor intensive job that requires the use of heavy machinery. my job is dangerous and i need to stay focused while at work. this part is important. so, my husband has a friend who is a truck driver. his friend calls at odd hours every night. (usually between 1am and 4am.) my husband always accepts these calls and then proceeds to have very loud, very long conversations right next to me which inevitably wakes me up and keeps me awake. i have asked him firmly, but politely, to either take the calls at a later hour, or to leave the room while he talks so that my sleep is not disturbed. he refuses to do this, and says that he has to answer the calls to help keep his friend awake while he is on the road. i understand wanting to help a friend, but i do not understand needing to keep me awake while doing it. so, for the last week, i have been locking myself in the guest bedroom and sleeping on the guest bed when i have a shift scheduled. now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that i am no longer sleeping next to him every night. aita?
| 27,468 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hjc6zy/aita_my_husband_wont_let_me_sleep/
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2020-07-01 15:16:46
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nta
he's upset at a problem he is creating.
he's 100% able to resolve this issue, you're not responsible for his lack of consideration towards your needs.
the mental gymnastics he's applying to a situation of his own creation are impressive.
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nta. he's putting your health and job at risk. separate bedrooms are great for lots of couples!
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nta, he doesn't need to be in the bedroom for his call!! and him acting like you hurt his feelings is childish and manipulative.
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you are definitely nta. sleep deprivation has very real consequences for your health and functioning. why is he prioritizing his friend’s sleep needs over yours? the fact that you’ve communicated this to him already without him empathizing and adjusting his behavior is concerning.
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so he's taking long, loud calls next to you and disrupting your sleep; he won't go in another room to take the calls; and he's mad that you decided to sleep elsewhere? make it clear to him: if he wants you sleeping next to him, he either stops taking the calls (doesn't his friend have someone else they can call? can't they play loud radio or something?) or he takes them in another room. otherwise, you'll be sleeping elsewhere.
nta
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nta. he is prioritizating his friends life over yours. maybe he can sleep with his friend.
just move into the other bedroom. then make your husband find a couples counselor for both of you
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> now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that i am no longer sleeping next to him every night.
you weren't **sleeping** next to him, that's the whole problem. definitely nta. he clearly understands the importance of people not falling asleep on the job, so why doesn't he offer you the same courtesy?
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omg nta i couldn't imagine dealing with this on the regular. your husband is a selfish ah and being completely ridiculous - seriously who thinks taking phone calls in the middle of the night whilst next to someone is ok??
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honestly, do people ask these kind of questions sincerely?
i don't mean this in any way offensive but do you really need people to tell you that you are not an asshole because you go and sleep in another room because your husband is waking up at stupid o'clock and having a full blown convo on the phone?
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info: what reason does he give for refusing to take the call to another room?
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok, so i work 12 to 16 hour shifts at an extremely labor intensive job that requires the use of heavy machinery. my job is dangerous and i need to stay focused while at work. this part is important. so, my husband has a friend who is a truck driver. his friend calls at odd hours every night. (usually between 1am and 4am.) my husband always accepts these calls and then proceeds to have very loud, very long conversations right next to me which inevitably wakes me up and keeps me awake. i have asked him firmly, but politely, to either take the calls at a later hour, or to leave the room while he talks so that my sleep is not disturbed. he refuses to do this, and says that he has to answer the calls to help keep his friend awake while he is on the road. i understand wanting to help a friend, but i do not understand needing to keep me awake while doing it. so, for the last week, i have been locking myself in the guest bedroom and sleeping on the guest bed when i have a shift scheduled. now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that i am no longer sleeping next to him every night. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok, so i work 12 to 16 hour shifts at an extremely labor intensive job that requires the use of heavy machinery. my job is dangerous and i need to stay focused while at work. this part is important. so, my husband has a friend who is a truck driver. his friend calls at odd hours every night. (usually between 1am and 4am.) my husband always accepts these calls and then proceeds to have very loud, very long conversations right next to me which inevitably wakes me up and keeps me awake. i have asked him firmly, but politely, to either take the calls at a later hour, or to leave the room while he talks so that my sleep is not disturbed. he refuses to do this, and says that he has to answer the calls to help keep his friend awake while he is on the road. i understand wanting to help a friend, but i do not understand needing to keep me awake while doing it. so, for the last week, i have been locking myself in the guest bedroom and sleeping on the guest bed when i have a shift scheduled. now my husband is angry and says that it hurts his feelings that i am no longer sleeping next to him every night. aita? [/INST] nta he's upset at a problem he is creating. he's 100% able to resolve this issue, you're not responsible for his lack of consideration towards your needs. the mental gymnastics he's applying to a situation of his own creation are impressive. </s>
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AITA for "making" my daughter choose who she wants to walk her down the aisle (me, or her stepdad)?
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i have a 22 year old daughter (chloe), her mom and were never married. because of circumstances that i couldn't be in her life for long...then, her mom got married when she was 5 to her stepdad who is a somewhat decent guy, nosy but decent.
i came back to the country when chloe was 16, and she was open to the idea of rebuilding our relationship. though, her mom always throws in my face that chloe's stepdad is "the real/legal parent" and has always been to chloe but she knows about the bond i have with chloe or the things i'd gone through in the past so i ignore her judgemental remarks.
chloe's getting married come feb, i was taken back when she told me she was considering having me and her stepdad walk her down the aisle, i went to have a conversation with her to talk about how uncomfortable i was with this idea. she talked about how her stepdad played huge part in her life and how she wanted to honor that by including him. i told her of course and i absolutely won't invalidate her feelings or deny how much of a good influence her stepdad's been but, i just don't feel comfortable with it and told her it'd be ok if i was just a guest there, but she said she wants me to be part of this so bad. i said it's either me or her stepdad because there is no way i'm doing this with him. she thought that was petty but it wasn't, she got upset saying it wasn't okay of me to put her in this position and make her choose and force her hand but really, ultimately, the choice is hers so how am i forcing her hand?.
she complained about how i was ruining her wedding and making it about my resentment towards her stepdad. the argument escalated to the point where i said i won't come to the wedding if she continues to force the issue.
her mom contacted me calling me selfish, jealous, spiteful and whatnot claiming i was willing to hurt chloe's feelings out of spite just because she dared show appreciation for the man who stepped up and was more of parent to her more than i'll ever be. i told her "stay out of it...you're the reason we're having this problem, stay out of it this is between me and chloe". chloe isn't answering my phonecalls, i tried speaking to her fiance and he said chloe is upset by the fact i put my feelings above hers and disrespected her stepdad by asking her to choose between us. he advised me to do this one thing for her since it's important but i'm feeling uneasy even thinking about so i don't think i'll ever be okay with it.
| 14,719 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sfgdjk/aita_for_making_my_daughter_choose_who_she_wants/
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2022-01-29 11:35:58
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yta. you’re gone the vast majority of her life so far and she still wants to include you in her wedding, even though you didn’t raise her? and your response to that is to make it about yourself?
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yta. another man raised your child and you have the balls to issue an ultimatum? you're lucky to even be invited to the wedding.
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wow. yta. 100%. way to make her day about you. what is wrong with you. you’re lucky she even wanted to include you. you sound very immature.
by the way this is actually a normal thing to do now. i’ve seen several stories and wedding pics with this. it’s meant to honor both fathers. not that you sound like you deserve it now. you should google it now and see where she was getting her inspiration from though.
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[removed]
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yta. how dare your daughter want both of her father figures, two men who mean a great deal to her, to be part of her wedding. the audacity of her to think her own wedding should be about her and the people who make her happy. please explain how your reasoning could be *anything* other than petty, because as it is you've provided none.
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i’m not saying this to be mean, op, but you were (mostly?) absent the first 16 years of her life, during which time he was her father figure. why do you harbor resentment towards him!? he’s done nothing wrong, he has by all accounts been a good father to her. the problem is you, your attitude. you want your daughter to choose you as her only father figure for her wedding, and that’s unreasonable. and her mother is the reason you’re having a problem? nope. it’s your ego. yta
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yta. sounds like " nothing is ever your fault " and its either all or nothing. a crappy thing to do to your daughter for her wedding. id say just dont go at that point.
your only job in life is to keep your kids happy, healthy, and love them unconditionally.
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yta. respect her wish and just accept that her stepdad plays a huge role in her life. he was there when you weren't for what reasons.
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yta. the fact she wants to include both of you shows she is mature enough to acknowledge you have both had a part in her life...too bad you aren't nearly as mature..
grow up..
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deadbeat dad says what?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a 22 year old daughter (chloe), her mom and were never married. because of circumstances that i couldn't be in her life for long...then, her mom got married when she was 5 to her stepdad who is a somewhat decent guy, nosy but decent. i came back to the country when chloe was 16, and she was open to the idea of rebuilding our relationship. though, her mom always throws in my face that chloe's stepdad is "the real/legal parent" and has always been to chloe but she knows about the bond i have with chloe or the things i'd gone through in the past so i ignore her judgemental remarks. chloe's getting married come feb, i was taken back when she told me she was considering having me and her stepdad walk her down the aisle, i went to have a conversation with her to talk about how uncomfortable i was with this idea. she talked about how her stepdad played huge part in her life and how she wanted to honor that by including him. i told her of course and i absolutely won't invalidate her feelings or deny how much of a good influence her stepdad's been but, i just don't feel comfortable with it and told her it'd be ok if i was just a guest there, but she said she wants me to be part of this so bad. i said it's either me or her stepdad because there is no way i'm doing this with him. she thought that was petty but it wasn't, she got upset saying it wasn't okay of me to put her in this position and make her choose and force her hand but really, ultimately, the choice is hers so how am i forcing her hand?. she complained about how i was ruining her wedding and making it about my resentment towards her stepdad. the argument escalated to the point where i said i won't come to the wedding if she continues to force the issue. her mom contacted me calling me selfish, jealous, spiteful and whatnot claiming i was willing to hurt chloe's feelings out of spite just because she dared show appreciation for the man who stepped up and was more of parent to her more than i'll ever be. i told her "stay out of it...you're the reason we're having this problem, stay out of it this is between me and chloe". chloe isn't answering my phonecalls, i tried speaking to her fiance and he said chloe is upset by the fact i put my feelings above hers and disrespected her stepdad by asking her to choose between us. he advised me to do this one thing for her since it's important but i'm feeling uneasy even thinking about so i don't think i'll ever be okay with it.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a 22 year old daughter (chloe), her mom and were never married. because of circumstances that i couldn't be in her life for long...then, her mom got married when she was 5 to her stepdad who is a somewhat decent guy, nosy but decent. i came back to the country when chloe was 16, and she was open to the idea of rebuilding our relationship. though, her mom always throws in my face that chloe's stepdad is "the real/legal parent" and has always been to chloe but she knows about the bond i have with chloe or the things i'd gone through in the past so i ignore her judgemental remarks. chloe's getting married come feb, i was taken back when she told me she was considering having me and her stepdad walk her down the aisle, i went to have a conversation with her to talk about how uncomfortable i was with this idea. she talked about how her stepdad played huge part in her life and how she wanted to honor that by including him. i told her of course and i absolutely won't invalidate her feelings or deny how much of a good influence her stepdad's been but, i just don't feel comfortable with it and told her it'd be ok if i was just a guest there, but she said she wants me to be part of this so bad. i said it's either me or her stepdad because there is no way i'm doing this with him. she thought that was petty but it wasn't, she got upset saying it wasn't okay of me to put her in this position and make her choose and force her hand but really, ultimately, the choice is hers so how am i forcing her hand?. she complained about how i was ruining her wedding and making it about my resentment towards her stepdad. the argument escalated to the point where i said i won't come to the wedding if she continues to force the issue. her mom contacted me calling me selfish, jealous, spiteful and whatnot claiming i was willing to hurt chloe's feelings out of spite just because she dared show appreciation for the man who stepped up and was more of parent to her more than i'll ever be. i told her "stay out of it...you're the reason we're having this problem, stay out of it this is between me and chloe". chloe isn't answering my phonecalls, i tried speaking to her fiance and he said chloe is upset by the fact i put my feelings above hers and disrespected her stepdad by asking her to choose between us. he advised me to do this one thing for her since it's important but i'm feeling uneasy even thinking about so i don't think i'll ever be okay with it. [/INST] yta. you’re gone the vast majority of her life so far and she still wants to include you in her wedding, even though you didn’t raise her? and your response to that is to make it about yourself? </s>
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AITA the asshole for forcing my daughter to go to a party?
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i(f44) have 3 girls who i’ll call, may(21), jessica(19) and diana(16), of course i’m bias but all three of them are genuinely beautiful and charming however diana isn’t as social as her 2 big sisters, it’s the classical teenage sitcoms differences.
may and jessica were social butterflies in high school, they had lots of friends and were very well know. diana on the other hand, has had the same 5-person group of friends since middle school and spend most of their time playing videogames, particularly “league of legends” and “smash bros”, sometimes they stream, in general they are more on the geek side, like i said a very cliché difference.
diana has had bad luck and thanks to lockdown, she hasn’t had the full high school experience her sisters had but she doesn’t seem as affected as one would think, on one hand it makes sense, despite the worst part of lockdown last year she pretty much played with her friends online quite often so i’m guessing she didn’t feel as isolated as her sisters during this times but still it concerns me a little, teenage years are a lot about being social and adventurous and even without this global situation she chooses to stay indoors.
anyway, the problem is that diana’s high school is planning a halloween dance this month since last year it was cancelled, i imagine she’d be excited for her first dance, but she just isn’t and yesterday she told us that the day of the dance friday 29th, she and her friends plan to participate in a local league of legends tournament, this made me angry. she literally has all the time in the world for videogames but a limited amount of high school events and she’s just ditching them for irrelevant videogame tournaments. i usually try to be supportive of her hobbies, but this crossed the line and i told her she couldn’t go to the tournament and if she didn’t go to the dance, then she won’t go out that day nor play videogames for the weekend, and argument started, she said she just preferred other activities, but i stand firm in my punishment if she at least doesn’t give it a chance. like i said, my girl is as beautiful as her sisters i’m sure she wouldn’t have a difficult time making friends, she doesn’t have anything to be insecure about.
when may and jessica had this dance, they start prepping in september, trying new styles, finding the best costumes, all of that. i would drive them around and help them in anyway possible to prepare i wouldn’t call it a tradition but it’s a moment that’s also important for me to have with my daughter.
&#x200b;
after the argument my husband told me i was being an asshole and if she didn’t want to go that was on her, but what if she regrets not going when she’s older? she can always play videogames, but time won’t stop and she won’t be in high school much longer, still my husband is rarely this upfront, so i wanted to know. am i the asshole?
| 3,466 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q27xwu/aita_the_asshole_for_forcing_my_daughter_to_go_to/
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2021-10-05 23:06:57
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yta
"my daughter isn't performing the steretoype of femininity so i am punishing her"
fixed it for you...
apologise to your daughter and offer to help her out with attending the lol tournament. your daughter is awesome, i hope her team wins.
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yta
diana is her own person. she doesn't have to be like may and jessica. stop acting like she needs to be. she's old enough to decide if she wants to go to a dance or not. plenty of kids don't go to high school dances and it never crosses their mind again. embrace who diana is and stop trying to put her on the same cloth as may and jessica.
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yta - did i ever cross your mind that may and jessica’s excitement and dance/costume prep is the same feeling diana gets when she prepares to be social and participate in a tournament with her friends?
she’s still being social, she’s still participating in events. she has close friends, and will retain them (likely) for a long time. leave her be and stop trying to make her like yourself/her sisters.
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yta
you said so yourself, sending her to the dance is a punishment. a punishment for... having a close group of friends and doing what she loves? you're a huge asshole and i feel sorry for diana for having a pushy mother like you.
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yta. my mom also got frustrated when i didn't want to participate in social things but what it really did was make me feel like there was something wrong with me all the time. you are pretty much telling your daughter that you do not like her the way she is.
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yta. speaking as an introvert, there are few things worse in high school than being forced to go to a school dance. let diana choose what social situations she wants to engage in, and stop punishing her for having different interests.
>when may and jessica had this dance, they start prepping in september, trying new styles, finding the best costumes, all of that. i would drive them around and help them in anyway possible to prepare i wouldn’t call it a tradition but it’s a moment that’s also important for me to have with my daughter.
this shouldn't be about you. if you're truly interested in ensuring diana has a high school experience she actually enjoys, and doesn't resent years down the road, leave this alone.
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yta. she has friends. she’s not antisocial. stop trying to make her into someone she’s not. put some energy into finding out about the activities she does like. start appreciating the daughter you actually have for who she actually is. make new traditions special to you two.
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yta. why are you trying to make your daughter into a different person?
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yta. your daughter does not want to be like her sisters. she is not her sisters. they are not triplets or all that close it seems. she is not their copy! she is her own person! stop trying to force her into the molds that they are. she's happy with playing video games with her friends, and did you not realize that if she gets good enough she can enter tournaments that can get her money hell i think their are even some tourneys that do scholarship grants (basically instead of cash its a grant to go towards college expenses.)
your husband is right! she said she doesn't want to go, she doesn't care about dances and stuff she finds boring. i can assure you that if you force her into going to a dance she does not want to go to, she's going to resent you. she'll have the shittiest time, get the shittiest of photos done (forced unhappy smile anyone?) and she'll never forgive you for forcing her to go to a social event she does not want to go to.
she is not you, she is not her sisters. she is herself and she should be allowed to make her own choices on what she does on a friday night as long as those choices don't potentially leave her, injured, dead, or some way hurt in any way. going to a video game tournament is what makes her happy. if you force her to go to a dance she doesn't want to, shes not gonna actually dress up or anything she'll fight on everything and you'll both be unhappy, but you sure can tell your buddies "yea i forced my daughter to go to a social event she didn't want to go to, and hated every second of it. but at least i could force her to be the same way as her sisters were even if she spent the entire time upset and possibly crying" congrats you're being a shitty mother.
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yta
forcing her to go isn't going to make her enjoy it, especially if all her friends arent going anyway!
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(f44) have 3 girls who i’ll call, may(21), jessica(19) and diana(16), of course i’m bias but all three of them are genuinely beautiful and charming however diana isn’t as social as her 2 big sisters, it’s the classical teenage sitcoms differences. may and jessica were social butterflies in high school, they had lots of friends and were very well know. diana on the other hand, has had the same 5-person group of friends since middle school and spend most of their time playing videogames, particularly “league of legends” and “smash bros”, sometimes they stream, in general they are more on the geek side, like i said a very cliché difference. diana has had bad luck and thanks to lockdown, she hasn’t had the full high school experience her sisters had but she doesn’t seem as affected as one would think, on one hand it makes sense, despite the worst part of lockdown last year she pretty much played with her friends online quite often so i’m guessing she didn’t feel as isolated as her sisters during this times but still it concerns me a little, teenage years are a lot about being social and adventurous and even without this global situation she chooses to stay indoors. anyway, the problem is that diana’s high school is planning a halloween dance this month since last year it was cancelled, i imagine she’d be excited for her first dance, but she just isn’t and yesterday she told us that the day of the dance friday 29th, she and her friends plan to participate in a local league of legends tournament, this made me angry. she literally has all the time in the world for videogames but a limited amount of high school events and she’s just ditching them for irrelevant videogame tournaments. i usually try to be supportive of her hobbies, but this crossed the line and i told her she couldn’t go to the tournament and if she didn’t go to the dance, then she won’t go out that day nor play videogames for the weekend, and argument started, she said she just preferred other activities, but i stand firm in my punishment if she at least doesn’t give it a chance. like i said, my girl is as beautiful as her sisters i’m sure she wouldn’t have a difficult time making friends, she doesn’t have anything to be insecure about. when may and jessica had this dance, they start prepping in september, trying new styles, finding the best costumes, all of that. i would drive them around and help them in anyway possible to prepare i wouldn’t call it a tradition but it’s a moment that’s also important for me to have with my daughter. &#x200b; after the argument my husband told me i was being an asshole and if she didn’t want to go that was on her, but what if she regrets not going when she’s older? she can always play videogames, but time won’t stop and she won’t be in high school much longer, still my husband is rarely this upfront, so i wanted to know. am i the asshole?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(f44) have 3 girls who i’ll call, may(21), jessica(19) and diana(16), of course i’m bias but all three of them are genuinely beautiful and charming however diana isn’t as social as her 2 big sisters, it’s the classical teenage sitcoms differences. may and jessica were social butterflies in high school, they had lots of friends and were very well know. diana on the other hand, has had the same 5-person group of friends since middle school and spend most of their time playing videogames, particularly “league of legends” and “smash bros”, sometimes they stream, in general they are more on the geek side, like i said a very cliché difference. diana has had bad luck and thanks to lockdown, she hasn’t had the full high school experience her sisters had but she doesn’t seem as affected as one would think, on one hand it makes sense, despite the worst part of lockdown last year she pretty much played with her friends online quite often so i’m guessing she didn’t feel as isolated as her sisters during this times but still it concerns me a little, teenage years are a lot about being social and adventurous and even without this global situation she chooses to stay indoors. anyway, the problem is that diana’s high school is planning a halloween dance this month since last year it was cancelled, i imagine she’d be excited for her first dance, but she just isn’t and yesterday she told us that the day of the dance friday 29th, she and her friends plan to participate in a local league of legends tournament, this made me angry. she literally has all the time in the world for videogames but a limited amount of high school events and she’s just ditching them for irrelevant videogame tournaments. i usually try to be supportive of her hobbies, but this crossed the line and i told her she couldn’t go to the tournament and if she didn’t go to the dance, then she won’t go out that day nor play videogames for the weekend, and argument started, she said she just preferred other activities, but i stand firm in my punishment if she at least doesn’t give it a chance. like i said, my girl is as beautiful as her sisters i’m sure she wouldn’t have a difficult time making friends, she doesn’t have anything to be insecure about. when may and jessica had this dance, they start prepping in september, trying new styles, finding the best costumes, all of that. i would drive them around and help them in anyway possible to prepare i wouldn’t call it a tradition but it’s a moment that’s also important for me to have with my daughter. &#x200b; after the argument my husband told me i was being an asshole and if she didn’t want to go that was on her, but what if she regrets not going when she’s older? she can always play videogames, but time won’t stop and she won’t be in high school much longer, still my husband is rarely this upfront, so i wanted to know. am i the asshole? [/INST] yta "my daughter isn't performing the steretoype of femininity so i am punishing her" fixed it for you... apologise to your daughter and offer to help her out with attending the lol tournament. your daughter is awesome, i hope her team wins. </s>
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AITA for telling my daughter's father that he can't throw her a bday party when she's grounded?
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my 15 year old daughter did something that warranted a 4 - day punishment. her bday is tomorrow. and this is her 2nd of punishement. i cancelled her birthday as part of punishment and the other part is not allowing her to go out for 4 days. she still has electronis available.
earlier today, my ex contacted me and asked about the bday cancellation. i told him what happened and he said that he'll throw her the bday party since i cancelled. i said that he can't throw her the party when she's grounded and isn't allowed to leave the house for days. he called me ridoculous but i told him that he was encouraging bad behavior and acting like the cool parent instead of working with me on fixing these behavioral issues. he said that since he's also the parent then i cannot stop him from throwing her a party and he'll do it tomorrow. we got into a big argument and my husband agrees that my ex is being an enabler. but my daughter's grandparrnts got involved as well and told me i can't stop her dad from celebrating her bday and said that i needed to let it go and suggested i put off the rest of punishment til after the bday. but i refused. i feel like he's undermining my parenting and deliberately going against my input.
| 7,984 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yw5yvl/aita_for_telling_my_daughters_father_that_he_cant/
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2022-11-15 18:46:08
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yta. what kind of punishment let’s a child still have access to their electronics but doesn’t let them celebrate their birthday? that’s ridiculous.
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yta. if your daughter did something bad enough that it warrants cancelling a birthday party and grounding her on her birthday, then it's bad enough that you and your ex need to discuss the appropriate punishment before giving it and generally get on the same page.
you didn't do this. you acted unilaterally in deciding how to deal with her and he is merely doing the exact same thing. in other words, you undermined his parenting, too.
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there isn’t much my kid could do that would warrant canceling their birthday party, while still allowing them to keep their electronics. so it really seems like a bit of a reach to connect the punishment with their birthday that happens once a year.
yta because this seems like a decision made out of spite and anger and not a punishment that should be a teachable moment.
edited to say, thanks for the silver 😊
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info - what did your daughter do exactly?
editing to say yta - your daughter broke a vase by accident, you don’t believe her because she called it ugly a single time. so she’s on a 4 day grounding with a canceled birthday. but you still allow her to be on her electronics.
there’s so much dysfunction in this. even if you wanted to punish her for talking back (which may have just been defending herself depending on how stepdad was talking) it’s an extreme overreaction.
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yta
her dad is her parent too.
info you’re not giving context for what warranted this which is important as currently you also look to be an a* for being harsh and not allowing a 14 or her family besides you celebrate it.
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yta
punishments are fine when warranted, but that doesn’t include taking away special occasions/holidays. what is wrong with you?
i knew a girl whose mom took away holidays as a “punishment.” said girl is no longer in contact with her parents and that is indeed part of the reason. because seriously, who the fuck does that?
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i really need to know what she did, and why electronic devices are still acceptable.
editing to say yta. a vase got broken and you think her calling it ugly is proof she did it? i think 50% of my family heirlooms are ugly as sin and have never broken a single one. you're out of control.
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yta: anything else you would like to tell your ex husband he can’t or can’t do at his own home? haha
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yta. you can not under any circumstances force him to agree with your punishments. did you consult him before handing down such punishment? what he does, as long as its not illegal or abusive, on his time is his business, not yours. and honestly..... who takes a birthday away from their own child?
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yta.
so rather than take her electronics you’re punishing her by making her stay at home where she can just sit and play on her electronics? do you see the lack of punishment here?
plus her friends who had been invited to her party had likely already bought presents for her, parents may have made plans since their kids were going to the party and multiple other issues.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my 15 year old daughter did something that warranted a 4 - day punishment. her bday is tomorrow. and this is her 2nd of punishement. i cancelled her birthday as part of punishment and the other part is not allowing her to go out for 4 days. she still has electronis available. earlier today, my ex contacted me and asked about the bday cancellation. i told him what happened and he said that he'll throw her the bday party since i cancelled. i said that he can't throw her the party when she's grounded and isn't allowed to leave the house for days. he called me ridoculous but i told him that he was encouraging bad behavior and acting like the cool parent instead of working with me on fixing these behavioral issues. he said that since he's also the parent then i cannot stop him from throwing her a party and he'll do it tomorrow. we got into a big argument and my husband agrees that my ex is being an enabler. but my daughter's grandparrnts got involved as well and told me i can't stop her dad from celebrating her bday and said that i needed to let it go and suggested i put off the rest of punishment til after the bday. but i refused. i feel like he's undermining my parenting and deliberately going against my input.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my 15 year old daughter did something that warranted a 4 - day punishment. her bday is tomorrow. and this is her 2nd of punishement. i cancelled her birthday as part of punishment and the other part is not allowing her to go out for 4 days. she still has electronis available. earlier today, my ex contacted me and asked about the bday cancellation. i told him what happened and he said that he'll throw her the bday party since i cancelled. i said that he can't throw her the party when she's grounded and isn't allowed to leave the house for days. he called me ridoculous but i told him that he was encouraging bad behavior and acting like the cool parent instead of working with me on fixing these behavioral issues. he said that since he's also the parent then i cannot stop him from throwing her a party and he'll do it tomorrow. we got into a big argument and my husband agrees that my ex is being an enabler. but my daughter's grandparrnts got involved as well and told me i can't stop her dad from celebrating her bday and said that i needed to let it go and suggested i put off the rest of punishment til after the bday. but i refused. i feel like he's undermining my parenting and deliberately going against my input. [/INST] yta. what kind of punishment let’s a child still have access to their electronics but doesn’t let them celebrate their birthday? that’s ridiculous. </s>
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AITA for asking my husband to not send his son a birthday gift?
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i (29f) met my husband (30m) around 7 years ago and we've been together for 6, and married for 4. around a year into dating, i found out he had a son that had been born when he was 19 with his then-girlfriend. i wasn't aware of this because he had no custody of his son because he didn't really want major responsibility at the time and his baby's mother was okay with that, but he has always sent his son birthday and christmas gifts, and has sometimes gone to special events, and over the course of the time i've known him, he's definitely gotten more into his fatherly role.
over the course of this year, my husband and i have been saving up to buy a new house and we are getting pretty close to the amount of money we'd need for the one we'd like, and we haven't been buying anything other than necessities while saving up. my husband's son's birthday is next week and my husband told me he's planning to buy him a nintendo switch and some games for it since the mother of his son told him he likes that stuff. i asked if the games were necessary, or if the switch even was. my husband was confused and said it was a birthday gift for his son. i said it was an expensive purchase, especially seeing as we're saving up right now, and that he isn't that involved in his son's life anyway so why should he have to buy him gifts. my husband said i don't understand because i don't have any kids of my own, especially not ones i don't see, and i don't understand the situation.
we've sort of moved on from the conversation and he's bought the gifts, but he still seems pissed off at me. aita for thinking he should save his money?
| 5,637 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r3o5vt/aita_for_asking_my_husband_to_not_send_his_son_a/
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2021-11-27 22:03:52
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yta. this doesn’t even need explanation. you are indeed the asshole.
next question.
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yta. wow. the fact that you even let this come out of your mouth is reprehensible. your husband has every right to be angry with you, and frankly, to reevaluate being married to someone who would behave so selfishly.
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yta. you asked your husband not to send his 11 year old a birthday gift. point blank. like you jumped all the way to, “…since you have no *real* relationship with your son, why send a gift at all?” i could see asking him to split the cost with his ex…… but to ask your husband to send his child no gift????
put yourself in that child’s shoes. hardly ever see dad, step-mom who doesn’t see you as part of the family and then dad doesn’t send a birthday gift? you really didn’t think that one through at all, did you op? do you want your step-son to hate your husband? because that’s what would happen if your husband had less sense and listened to you.
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in this housing market what is 300$ anyway? yta unquestionably.
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yta he barely does anything resembling parenting as it is and you want him to do *less*? shame on you.
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of course yta, who else should it be? a dad who wants to get his son some cool gifts for his birthday?
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yta is oh so many ways why are people even like this omg
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yta - if you have joint finances you should be budgeting together but you should absolutely have never suggested he not send the gift.
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please re-read your post and see for yourself that yta.
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1,000% yta. don't ever get in the middle of a parent and their child. ever.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (29f) met my husband (30m) around 7 years ago and we've been together for 6, and married for 4. around a year into dating, i found out he had a son that had been born when he was 19 with his then-girlfriend. i wasn't aware of this because he had no custody of his son because he didn't really want major responsibility at the time and his baby's mother was okay with that, but he has always sent his son birthday and christmas gifts, and has sometimes gone to special events, and over the course of the time i've known him, he's definitely gotten more into his fatherly role. over the course of this year, my husband and i have been saving up to buy a new house and we are getting pretty close to the amount of money we'd need for the one we'd like, and we haven't been buying anything other than necessities while saving up. my husband's son's birthday is next week and my husband told me he's planning to buy him a nintendo switch and some games for it since the mother of his son told him he likes that stuff. i asked if the games were necessary, or if the switch even was. my husband was confused and said it was a birthday gift for his son. i said it was an expensive purchase, especially seeing as we're saving up right now, and that he isn't that involved in his son's life anyway so why should he have to buy him gifts. my husband said i don't understand because i don't have any kids of my own, especially not ones i don't see, and i don't understand the situation. we've sort of moved on from the conversation and he's bought the gifts, but he still seems pissed off at me. aita for thinking he should save his money?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (29f) met my husband (30m) around 7 years ago and we've been together for 6, and married for 4. around a year into dating, i found out he had a son that had been born when he was 19 with his then-girlfriend. i wasn't aware of this because he had no custody of his son because he didn't really want major responsibility at the time and his baby's mother was okay with that, but he has always sent his son birthday and christmas gifts, and has sometimes gone to special events, and over the course of the time i've known him, he's definitely gotten more into his fatherly role. over the course of this year, my husband and i have been saving up to buy a new house and we are getting pretty close to the amount of money we'd need for the one we'd like, and we haven't been buying anything other than necessities while saving up. my husband's son's birthday is next week and my husband told me he's planning to buy him a nintendo switch and some games for it since the mother of his son told him he likes that stuff. i asked if the games were necessary, or if the switch even was. my husband was confused and said it was a birthday gift for his son. i said it was an expensive purchase, especially seeing as we're saving up right now, and that he isn't that involved in his son's life anyway so why should he have to buy him gifts. my husband said i don't understand because i don't have any kids of my own, especially not ones i don't see, and i don't understand the situation. we've sort of moved on from the conversation and he's bought the gifts, but he still seems pissed off at me. aita for thinking he should save his money? [/INST] yta. this doesn’t even need explanation. you are indeed the asshole. next question. </s>
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AITA for suggesting/letting my 17 year old son get drunk?
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i (46m) live with my wife and my 17 year old son. my wife has been on a different continent for about a month taking care of her dying mother, so it has just been me and my son for that time.
my son and i have a very close relationship where he tells me almost everything going on in his life. on saturday, he told me that he was going to his first ever high school party this upcoming weekend. he was a bit nervous since he had never really drank before, but he knew that he was going to on that occasion. i'm not sure if this is relevant, but this is in canada where the drinking age is 19 (in my province), and teenage drinking is very common.
i asked my son if he wanted to have a few beers with me while we watched a sports game that night, as a "test run" of sorts. my logic was that if he goes into the party with zero awareness of his tolerance then it could end badly, and it would be best for him to find out his limit in the safety of his home with me.
we had some beers over a few hours in the night, and i cut him off at 6 (he has had beer in the past, but never more than one at a time). he was pretty drunk but he was okay, and slept it off. we talked about it the next day, and we agreed that six was a bit much for him, and now he knows to have fewer than that at the party.
i was actually pretty content with this whole situation, since he had his "first experience" drinking in a safe environment, and i feel much more comfortable with him going to a party now. however, in an effort to be transparent i told my wife about it the other day over the phone, and she was livid. she thinks it was reckless and irresponsible.
aita?
info: i understandably am getting flack for not telling my wife beforehand, but i figured she had enough going on and i didn't need to bother her with something that seemed pretty trivial at the time
| 35,259 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e9bilu/aita_for_suggestingletting_my_17_year_old_son_get/
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2019-12-11 19:09:58
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nta. sounds like your intention was to teach your son not to binge drink.
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nah and honestly if you have raised a 17 year old who felt comfortable having that honest conversation with you before going to the party, good for you. you’ve been doing something right.
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edit :nah
maybe something to discuss with your wife first,
but i’d say it was a responsible decision
he was 17- yeah not the legal age, but a lot of people drink that way
i’ve seen people go to college, never drinking for the first time and get fucked up under the pressure.
if he was going to drink- i think having the awareness was good.
beer and in a controlled setting was a great way to do it- it’s not like op partied with him
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nah. it was perfectly responsible to help your son understand the affect alcohol has on him in a safe space. that said, you should have discussed it with your wife beforehand; a lot of people have very strong opinions on alcohol and her feeling that she was of the loop is valid.
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nta.
>she thinks it was reckless and irresponsible.
nothing about what you did was irresponsible or reckless. your son had a few beers at home, he didn't get "wasted" and he also didn't throw up or end up in a ditch. you were there with him, nothing too terrible could have happened.
that being said: it might not stop him from getting very drunk at that party, especially if they have stuff other than beer. but at least now he has *some* experience and knows when he's starting to feel the effects of alcohol.
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nah. may vary by state but kids can legally drink at home with their parent at a lower age than in public. not running it by wife is dumb, especially framed as a tolerance test. but i think in general, fair idea. remove the mystique, gain an understanding/appreciation in a safe place.
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life ancedote.
i like in the uk and started going out drinking with a mixed age (16-40) group from my part time shop job.
when a 16/17 year old joined the group, they might drink too much or make a mistake, but slowly learned. we kept an eye on them, made sure they got home safely, etc..
some people wern't let out until 18 and suddenly most of the rules would get lifted. they would normally get themselves into trouble or legless everytime.
when i finished university i moved and developed a new circle of friends. as i moved through my early twenties this group fractured. one half had to do 'pre drinks' and drink themselves to destruction every social situation, the other half would have had just a good time if there was no alcohol.
being frustrated with this group i once asked them why they didn't get this behaviour out of themselves in sixth form.
we then learnt what divided the group. everyone who'd gone out at 16/17, also had parents let them try alcohol at home and didn't need alcohol to have fun and could drink in moderation. everyone 'protected' until 18 still can't drink responsibly even into their thirties.
which leads me to believe the key to good parenting is to ensure your child gains life experiences in a safe controlled manner.
you did this, the fact your wife is upset makes it a solid nta
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nah. i think your reasoning was sound and you were the opposite of reckless. that said, if this is something you and your wife haven't discussed before i understand why she's upset that you didn't run it by her.
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nta. that’s good parenting. your kid would most likely have gone anyway even if you didn’t drink with him. he was in a safe environment and knew beforehand what his limit should be.
as for everyone saying it was bad, they are incredibly ignorant. i guarantee their kids don’t like them and their kids don’t trust them at all.
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yta. not for what you did (albeit unconventional), but rather for not letting your wife in on this decision. you should consider that things like this are going to be amplified given the nature of what she's going through.
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NTA
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NAH
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NAH
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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NAH
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NTA
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YTA
| 0.114998 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (46m) live with my wife and my 17 year old son. my wife has been on a different continent for about a month taking care of her dying mother, so it has just been me and my son for that time. my son and i have a very close relationship where he tells me almost everything going on in his life. on saturday, he told me that he was going to his first ever high school party this upcoming weekend. he was a bit nervous since he had never really drank before, but he knew that he was going to on that occasion. i'm not sure if this is relevant, but this is in canada where the drinking age is 19 (in my province), and teenage drinking is very common. i asked my son if he wanted to have a few beers with me while we watched a sports game that night, as a "test run" of sorts. my logic was that if he goes into the party with zero awareness of his tolerance then it could end badly, and it would be best for him to find out his limit in the safety of his home with me. we had some beers over a few hours in the night, and i cut him off at 6 (he has had beer in the past, but never more than one at a time). he was pretty drunk but he was okay, and slept it off. we talked about it the next day, and we agreed that six was a bit much for him, and now he knows to have fewer than that at the party. i was actually pretty content with this whole situation, since he had his "first experience" drinking in a safe environment, and i feel much more comfortable with him going to a party now. however, in an effort to be transparent i told my wife about it the other day over the phone, and she was livid. she thinks it was reckless and irresponsible. aita? info: i understandably am getting flack for not telling my wife beforehand, but i figured she had enough going on and i didn't need to bother her with something that seemed pretty trivial at the time
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (46m) live with my wife and my 17 year old son. my wife has been on a different continent for about a month taking care of her dying mother, so it has just been me and my son for that time. my son and i have a very close relationship where he tells me almost everything going on in his life. on saturday, he told me that he was going to his first ever high school party this upcoming weekend. he was a bit nervous since he had never really drank before, but he knew that he was going to on that occasion. i'm not sure if this is relevant, but this is in canada where the drinking age is 19 (in my province), and teenage drinking is very common. i asked my son if he wanted to have a few beers with me while we watched a sports game that night, as a "test run" of sorts. my logic was that if he goes into the party with zero awareness of his tolerance then it could end badly, and it would be best for him to find out his limit in the safety of his home with me. we had some beers over a few hours in the night, and i cut him off at 6 (he has had beer in the past, but never more than one at a time). he was pretty drunk but he was okay, and slept it off. we talked about it the next day, and we agreed that six was a bit much for him, and now he knows to have fewer than that at the party. i was actually pretty content with this whole situation, since he had his "first experience" drinking in a safe environment, and i feel much more comfortable with him going to a party now. however, in an effort to be transparent i told my wife about it the other day over the phone, and she was livid. she thinks it was reckless and irresponsible. aita? info: i understandably am getting flack for not telling my wife beforehand, but i figured she had enough going on and i didn't need to bother her with something that seemed pretty trivial at the time [/INST] nta. sounds like your intention was to teach your son not to binge drink. </s>
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AITA for taking my wife’s side after she screamed and cursed at my mother?
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on mobile, throwaway. this just happened and my wife is currently sleeping while my mom is blowing up my phone.
*added some edits at the bottom!*
i (33m) am married to my wonderful wife melody (29f) and she is currently pregnant with our first child together. i have a 6 year old daughter tina who’s mother i split 50/50 custody with, so i know for the most part what melody needs in order to feel supported while she carries our child. i have been spending lots of time making sure she’s comfortable and taking on more of the load at home so she’s not doing too much, this is her first child after all and it’s obviously a lot for her physically and emotionally.
my mother and melody don’t get along too well, mom didn’t like my ex either (we broke up because we were headed on different paths not because of my mother and there’s no bad blood) so i think she just doesn’t like her because she’s dating me for whatever reason it’s weird. she’s very nit picky about melody, how much she does around the house, how emotional she is (melody already cries very easily and being pregnant has made her even more sensitive which is fine), the fact that she wants to be a stay at home mom, it just seems like nothing melody does is okay. i do however stand up for her and do not just allow my mom to talk down to her.
today before picking up my daughter from summer camp melody went to 3 different grocery stores to find rotisserie chicken, she’s been talking about it since last night and really really wanted one lol. she sent me picture messages documenting her quest for the chicken and finally found it. my girl was happy. rotisserie chicken is also kind of a comfort food for her like spaghetti because her mom used to make one of those when she was “having a lazy day” and didn’t feel like cooking. she was planning on serving that with some other basic sides for dinner, perfectly fine by me. my mother came by to see tina and started telling melody the chicken is bad for her and she should not be eating that pregnant. melody said it’s fine, she usually eats healthy and just wants this one thing she’s craving. my mom went on about how unhealthy it was and said she needs to eat something else. melody said no and went to the backyard to facetime her family (out of state). when she came back my mom had thrown out the food and ordered take out, a salad for melody and pizza for everyone else. melody asked where the chicken was and my mother told her she needs to start being a responsible mother and eat correctly for the baby. melody screamed “what the fuck is wrong with you? why are you always such a bitch to me?” she then started crying and called me home. i came back and asked my mother to leave after hearing her story and said she is not to come back until she apologizes for how she treated melody. my mom went on about how i’m choosing another woman over her but i just think enough is enough and melody reached her limit. she apologized to me for blowing up when tina was in the house but i told her it’s okay tings happen, tina is okay and i went to find her another chicken before the store closed. my dad thinks i’m right for taking melodys side but my brother thinks i should always defend mom so aita?
| 21,800 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wjq45k/aita_for_taking_my_wifes_side_after_she_screamed/
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2022-08-09 01:22:22
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nta
glad you went on a hunt for chicken to replace the one your mother trashed. great husbanding on your end op.
wtf is wrong with your mom though?
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nta but your mom sure is. as a former pregnant woman, if my mil would have thrown away food i was craving and ordered me a salad instead, i would’ve thrown her on a rotisserie and spun her around until she apologized.
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brother will need to learn that defending mum will not land him in any relationships. your mum is controlling and is a red flag.
mothers of boys can be so incesty and possessive of their sons and she’s one of them. i’m glad you’re not letting her.
always defend your wife.
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nta. as far as i know there’s nothing dangerous about eating (cooked ofc) chicken during pregnancy?
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nta - first off, you sound like an awesome person. i'm sitting here with shocked because your mom threw away someone else's food, which would have warranted being cursed out on its own, but she threw away a pregnant woman's food. you don't mess with a pregnant woman and her cravings and your mom should know that.
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nta - melody isn't a prize race horse. she doesn't need to be groomed, dieted, or exercised by your mother.
she is a guest in that house and should behave accordingly. throwing food out is a major sign of disrespect to everyone providing for that table. whether it's paid labor or none.
if your mother wants respect, she needs to learn to act respectful.
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nta. it’s disturbing how possessive your mother is of you that she would go to such great lengths to make your partners miserable and drive them away. you need to have a serious conversation with her about boundaries and let her know that she won’t be seeing her grandchildren if she keeps mistreating your partner. good for you for standing up for your wife and her completely reasonable and natural response to your mothers insane behavior.
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nta.
the line that sealed it (as though there was any aspect of this that didn't) was when your mother said that you were choosing another woman over her.
yeah, that is how being an adult works. you grow up, and build a family for yourself, and make that family your primary focus. a mother who wanted a healthy relationship with her child would want that. the fact that your mom sees your natural separation from her as a threat is evidence that what your mother wants or expects is a codependent relationship is a huge red flag. there is some serious boundary issues at play here. the sooner and more decisive you take action to set healthy boundaries with your mother, the better.
i went through this in my own experience, and there was a lot of "how could you choose her over me? i raised you!" "i can't believe i raised such an unfeeling person!" and "no one will ever see how special you are the way i do!" looking back, it was creepy and unhealthy, and i ultimately had to cut her from my life.
and your wife's quest for the perfect rotisserie chicken sounds awesome. sorry she had to miss out on it.
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nta - wow your mom sounds entitled. op if you’re not already i would really recommend going to therapy. you might not even realize the unhealthy patterns you mom has established as normal over your life and the strain that this could bring into your marriage.
setting boundaries might not feel great initially but it will be critical in making things good in the long term.
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nta - she threw out a pregnant woman's food that she had been craving??? wow. good for you for standing up for her; your brother is wrong.
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: on mobile, throwaway. this just happened and my wife is currently sleeping while my mom is blowing up my phone. *added some edits at the bottom!* i (33m) am married to my wonderful wife melody (29f) and she is currently pregnant with our first child together. i have a 6 year old daughter tina who’s mother i split 50/50 custody with, so i know for the most part what melody needs in order to feel supported while she carries our child. i have been spending lots of time making sure she’s comfortable and taking on more of the load at home so she’s not doing too much, this is her first child after all and it’s obviously a lot for her physically and emotionally. my mother and melody don’t get along too well, mom didn’t like my ex either (we broke up because we were headed on different paths not because of my mother and there’s no bad blood) so i think she just doesn’t like her because she’s dating me for whatever reason it’s weird. she’s very nit picky about melody, how much she does around the house, how emotional she is (melody already cries very easily and being pregnant has made her even more sensitive which is fine), the fact that she wants to be a stay at home mom, it just seems like nothing melody does is okay. i do however stand up for her and do not just allow my mom to talk down to her. today before picking up my daughter from summer camp melody went to 3 different grocery stores to find rotisserie chicken, she’s been talking about it since last night and really really wanted one lol. she sent me picture messages documenting her quest for the chicken and finally found it. my girl was happy. rotisserie chicken is also kind of a comfort food for her like spaghetti because her mom used to make one of those when she was “having a lazy day” and didn’t feel like cooking. she was planning on serving that with some other basic sides for dinner, perfectly fine by me. my mother came by to see tina and started telling melody the chicken is bad for her and she should not be eating that pregnant. melody said it’s fine, she usually eats healthy and just wants this one thing she’s craving. my mom went on about how unhealthy it was and said she needs to eat something else. melody said no and went to the backyard to facetime her family (out of state). when she came back my mom had thrown out the food and ordered take out, a salad for melody and pizza for everyone else. melody asked where the chicken was and my mother told her she needs to start being a responsible mother and eat correctly for the baby. melody screamed “what the fuck is wrong with you? why are you always such a bitch to me?” she then started crying and called me home. i came back and asked my mother to leave after hearing her story and said she is not to come back until she apologizes for how she treated melody. my mom went on about how i’m choosing another woman over her but i just think enough is enough and melody reached her limit. she apologized to me for blowing up when tina was in the house but i told her it’s okay tings happen, tina is okay and i went to find her another chicken before the store closed. my dad thinks i’m right for taking melodys side but my brother thinks i should always defend mom so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
on mobile, throwaway. this just happened and my wife is currently sleeping while my mom is blowing up my phone. *added some edits at the bottom!* i (33m) am married to my wonderful wife melody (29f) and she is currently pregnant with our first child together. i have a 6 year old daughter tina who’s mother i split 50/50 custody with, so i know for the most part what melody needs in order to feel supported while she carries our child. i have been spending lots of time making sure she’s comfortable and taking on more of the load at home so she’s not doing too much, this is her first child after all and it’s obviously a lot for her physically and emotionally. my mother and melody don’t get along too well, mom didn’t like my ex either (we broke up because we were headed on different paths not because of my mother and there’s no bad blood) so i think she just doesn’t like her because she’s dating me for whatever reason it’s weird. she’s very nit picky about melody, how much she does around the house, how emotional she is (melody already cries very easily and being pregnant has made her even more sensitive which is fine), the fact that she wants to be a stay at home mom, it just seems like nothing melody does is okay. i do however stand up for her and do not just allow my mom to talk down to her. today before picking up my daughter from summer camp melody went to 3 different grocery stores to find rotisserie chicken, she’s been talking about it since last night and really really wanted one lol. she sent me picture messages documenting her quest for the chicken and finally found it. my girl was happy. rotisserie chicken is also kind of a comfort food for her like spaghetti because her mom used to make one of those when she was “having a lazy day” and didn’t feel like cooking. she was planning on serving that with some other basic sides for dinner, perfectly fine by me. my mother came by to see tina and started telling melody the chicken is bad for her and she should not be eating that pregnant. melody said it’s fine, she usually eats healthy and just wants this one thing she’s craving. my mom went on about how unhealthy it was and said she needs to eat something else. melody said no and went to the backyard to facetime her family (out of state). when she came back my mom had thrown out the food and ordered take out, a salad for melody and pizza for everyone else. melody asked where the chicken was and my mother told her she needs to start being a responsible mother and eat correctly for the baby. melody screamed “what the fuck is wrong with you? why are you always such a bitch to me?” she then started crying and called me home. i came back and asked my mother to leave after hearing her story and said she is not to come back until she apologizes for how she treated melody. my mom went on about how i’m choosing another woman over her but i just think enough is enough and melody reached her limit. she apologized to me for blowing up when tina was in the house but i told her it’s okay tings happen, tina is okay and i went to find her another chicken before the store closed. my dad thinks i’m right for taking melodys side but my brother thinks i should always defend mom so aita? [/INST] nta glad you went on a hunt for chicken to replace the one your mother trashed. great husbanding on your end op. wtf is wrong with your mom though? </s>
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AITA for telling my girlfriend that I don’t like the gift she got me and asking for something else?
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my girlfriend (22f) and i (26m) have been together for almost 4 years and live together.
she has a stable career and has bought herself a car and was taught to drive in high school.
i was never taught to drive, and it’s not really necessary because i can uber, take the bus, or my girlfriend can drive. she’s offered before to teach me to drive, but i decline because i’m not really interested in learning because i don’t plan on getting a car since they’re a lot of money.
so, my birthday was yesterday and my girlfriend was really excited to give me my gift. it was private driving lessons, which admittedly cost her several hundred dollars. i was really offended because i don’t want to learn to drive. she hyped the gift up like i’d love it, but i honestly hate it. it seems more like it’s for her because she wants me to learn to drive, than it is for me.
i got really upset and disappointed when i opened it and she kept pushing to ask why i didn’t like it. i told her again that i don’t care for driving and it seemed like a really impersonal gift, because i don’t even want my license or a car so why would i want this? i felt like she doesn’t even know me. and she got really upset so i suggested she return the lessons and get me something i would like better.
now she’s calling me an ah and said the lessons are non-refundable, and is really upset with me. i don’t think i’m the ah because i’ve told her before that i don’t want to drive and i feel like she’s trying to change me. so now she’s being immature and won’t drive me anywhere and tells me i can uber if i want to go somewhere, even if it’s somewhere she was going to go already. like she went thrifting and to the grocery store without me (we always go together) and said if i really wanted to go that badly, i can uber.
it’s not even like i ask her for rides ever, i just tag along if she’s already going somewhere. i get uber’s to and from work and have a good job. so it’s pointless for me to even get a car or license.
when i told her that she said that she’s tired of always being the driver and likes to be the passenger sometimes, but to me it sounds like she gave me a gift that *she* wants. because if she hates being the driver so much, i suggested that i could get lessons for *her* birthday, not mine, and that upset her even more. she said that isn’t a gift for her and she’d be upset if i got myself driving lessons for her birthday. i told her basically “see, so you’d be upset if i got you something that you think is for me for your birthday” and she said yes. so even though i explained to her there’s a double standard, she’s still insisting that i’m the ah.
| 10,287 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r7ctpb/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_i_dont_like/
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2021-12-02 17:43:31
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yta. read between the lines dude, she’s tired of driving you around everywhere. it’s one thing to be unable to drive, it’s a whole other thing to just refuse to drive, what’s going to happen if there’s an emergency?
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esh my parents nearly broke up over my dad's refusal to learn to drive. it put so much pressure on my mom. he was completely reliant on her in ways he just didn't appreciate. she always had to be dd, she always had pay for gas because he was "just the passenger," he got to nap on long car rides and she never got a break. he thought it was a great situation, and it was *for him.* she however felt taken advantage of and like a chauffeur.
maybe it wasn't the best birthday gift for you, but maybe you need to take responsibility for yourself and at least learn how to drive. you don't have to buy a car or change your lifestyle, but it is an important skill.
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i was going to say e s h but was struck by this point...
> because i’m not really interested in learning because i don’t plan on getting a car since they’re a lot of money.
if you've always thought that driving and cars are too expensive i can see how she thought paying for a massive chunk of that initial expense would be a generous gift.
it makes sense that she thought helping with expenses would motivate you.
so a close yta. she's not the immature one, you expected to be driven places makes you the immature one by today's standards.
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yta. sorry, you might not like the gift, but read the room. she clearly is trying to tell you something that for whatever reason you don't want to hear.
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esh. her for getting a bad gift, you for being so willfully oblivious as to how much of a burden this is. sure, you may not be asking for rides all the time, but you are actively losing money by ubering every time she's not available. not to mention, she's clearly annoyed with always having to drive.
take the hint and recognize that this is an issue for her, and it's likely one that will be a dealbreaker down the line. i know i sure wouldn't commit to someone who refused to learn "just because."
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yta- just because you have a license doesn't mean you have to own a car. she is clearly telling you that your unwillingness to drive isn't something she is going to live with much longer.
and no she doesn't need to drive your lazy butt anywhere. she is tired of being your personal driver. she isnt the immature one here.
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yta learn how to drive, you never know what will happen in the future - maybe there's an emergency where you need to drive, maybe the two of you go on a trip to an area where uber service and public transport is limited (is she meant to drive 100% of the time?), maybe you both fall on hard times and catching an uber is not financially viable anymore and it would be cheaper to have a car, etc etc. regardless, whether you ever have need to do it or not, driving is an extremely valuable skill to have.
it was heavy handed to give as a birthday gift, i agree, but it wasn't thoughtless, and i disagree that it was a bad gift because it's something that you could use that you wouldn't have given to yourself
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yta. you not driving is putting more work on her. this was her not very graceful attempt to fix that situation. but basically even if you don't take the driving lessons you need to stop depending on her for rides.
>she said that she’s tired of always being the driver and likes to be the passenger sometimes, but to me it sounds like she gave me a gift that she wants. because if she hates being the driver so much, i suggested that i could get lessons for her birthday, not mine, and that upset her even more.
you are not doing her a favor by assuming your half of a household role. it's not a gift to her, it's you pulling your own weight in the relationship. if you don't want to drive, you need to be covering ubers for both of you for some of these trips, not expecting her to drive.
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info: how much do you financially compensate your girlfriend for driving you about?
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esh
yes, that gift wasn’t really a gift for you, although she probably did see it as a step towards you becoming more independent, which is a positive thing. you say you have already expressed to her that you’re not interested in driving, so clearly there was a selfish motivation on her part and she even admitted to that.
however…..
>so now she’s being immature and won’t drive me anywhere and tells me i can uber if i want to go somewhere, even if it’s somewhere she was going to go already. like she went thrifting and to the grocery store without me (we always go together) and said if i really wanted to go that badly, i can uber.
i don’t think it is immature to tell a perfectly capable adult to find their own transportation.
you claim multiple times in your post that you don’t need to drive, that it’s unnecessary, *and* you’re rejecting her gift so……i’m on her side in this one.
sure, it’s not a nice move but she’s making the point that she’s tired of being your chauffeur.
to say that you hate the “gift” and ask her to request a refund of something that would obviously be nonrefundable, is going over the top.
especially since you obviously feel entitled to tag along with her whenever she’s going somewhere or asking her to drive both of you to things you need to do, such as grocery shopping, movies and dinner, etc.
honestly, if you have no interest in learning to drive and sharing that responsibility with her for no real reason other than you just don’t want to do it, i think you suck more than her.
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YTA
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ESH
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ESH
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YTA
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ESH
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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ESH
| 0.02985 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my girlfriend (22f) and i (26m) have been together for almost 4 years and live together. she has a stable career and has bought herself a car and was taught to drive in high school. i was never taught to drive, and it’s not really necessary because i can uber, take the bus, or my girlfriend can drive. she’s offered before to teach me to drive, but i decline because i’m not really interested in learning because i don’t plan on getting a car since they’re a lot of money. so, my birthday was yesterday and my girlfriend was really excited to give me my gift. it was private driving lessons, which admittedly cost her several hundred dollars. i was really offended because i don’t want to learn to drive. she hyped the gift up like i’d love it, but i honestly hate it. it seems more like it’s for her because she wants me to learn to drive, than it is for me. i got really upset and disappointed when i opened it and she kept pushing to ask why i didn’t like it. i told her again that i don’t care for driving and it seemed like a really impersonal gift, because i don’t even want my license or a car so why would i want this? i felt like she doesn’t even know me. and she got really upset so i suggested she return the lessons and get me something i would like better. now she’s calling me an ah and said the lessons are non-refundable, and is really upset with me. i don’t think i’m the ah because i’ve told her before that i don’t want to drive and i feel like she’s trying to change me. so now she’s being immature and won’t drive me anywhere and tells me i can uber if i want to go somewhere, even if it’s somewhere she was going to go already. like she went thrifting and to the grocery store without me (we always go together) and said if i really wanted to go that badly, i can uber. it’s not even like i ask her for rides ever, i just tag along if she’s already going somewhere. i get uber’s to and from work and have a good job. so it’s pointless for me to even get a car or license. when i told her that she said that she’s tired of always being the driver and likes to be the passenger sometimes, but to me it sounds like she gave me a gift that *she* wants. because if she hates being the driver so much, i suggested that i could get lessons for *her* birthday, not mine, and that upset her even more. she said that isn’t a gift for her and she’d be upset if i got myself driving lessons for her birthday. i told her basically “see, so you’d be upset if i got you something that you think is for me for your birthday” and she said yes. so even though i explained to her there’s a double standard, she’s still insisting that i’m the ah.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my girlfriend (22f) and i (26m) have been together for almost 4 years and live together. she has a stable career and has bought herself a car and was taught to drive in high school. i was never taught to drive, and it’s not really necessary because i can uber, take the bus, or my girlfriend can drive. she’s offered before to teach me to drive, but i decline because i’m not really interested in learning because i don’t plan on getting a car since they’re a lot of money. so, my birthday was yesterday and my girlfriend was really excited to give me my gift. it was private driving lessons, which admittedly cost her several hundred dollars. i was really offended because i don’t want to learn to drive. she hyped the gift up like i’d love it, but i honestly hate it. it seems more like it’s for her because she wants me to learn to drive, than it is for me. i got really upset and disappointed when i opened it and she kept pushing to ask why i didn’t like it. i told her again that i don’t care for driving and it seemed like a really impersonal gift, because i don’t even want my license or a car so why would i want this? i felt like she doesn’t even know me. and she got really upset so i suggested she return the lessons and get me something i would like better. now she’s calling me an ah and said the lessons are non-refundable, and is really upset with me. i don’t think i’m the ah because i’ve told her before that i don’t want to drive and i feel like she’s trying to change me. so now she’s being immature and won’t drive me anywhere and tells me i can uber if i want to go somewhere, even if it’s somewhere she was going to go already. like she went thrifting and to the grocery store without me (we always go together) and said if i really wanted to go that badly, i can uber. it’s not even like i ask her for rides ever, i just tag along if she’s already going somewhere. i get uber’s to and from work and have a good job. so it’s pointless for me to even get a car or license. when i told her that she said that she’s tired of always being the driver and likes to be the passenger sometimes, but to me it sounds like she gave me a gift that *she* wants. because if she hates being the driver so much, i suggested that i could get lessons for *her* birthday, not mine, and that upset her even more. she said that isn’t a gift for her and she’d be upset if i got myself driving lessons for her birthday. i told her basically “see, so you’d be upset if i got you something that you think is for me for your birthday” and she said yes. so even though i explained to her there’s a double standard, she’s still insisting that i’m the ah. [/INST] yta. read between the lines dude, she’s tired of driving you around everywhere. it’s one thing to be unable to drive, it’s a whole other thing to just refuse to drive, what’s going to happen if there’s an emergency? </s>
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AITA for giving the entire inheritance to my twin brother?
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am i the asshole for leaving my inheritance to only one sibling?
so i (30f) made money young. i dropped out of college to model, then started my own business and made some smart decisions with stocks. so i have quite a bit of money saved, my own property owned free and clear (just pay utilities), and a couple cars. i am single and childless.
growing up, i was very close with my twin (30m) but not so much with my other siblings (also twins, 28f). basically they were favored quite a bit by my parents. i took care of myself starting in high school and so did my twin. he paid his own way through college with no parental help while i built my business also on my own. our younger siblings did not. our parents bought them cars in high school, paid 100% of their tuition and living expenses in college, and supported them in starting their adults lives. both my sisters ended up in bad relationships where they had kids that the fathers eventually had nothing to do with. my parents have always given them plenty of money and support.
i just got diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. it’s inoperable and i am going to die within six months. i have made my peace with it. i opted to leave everything to my brother in my will. that was he can pay off his student loans and have a vehicle and home free and clear. i want to know he has a good life while i’m gone.
my parents and sisters found out that i’m leaving everything to him and flipped out. they accused me of favoritism and being a bad daughter, aunt, and sister. they said my parents deserved money for raising me, and that my nieces and nephews deserved my money for future expenses since their mothers couldn’t afford things like cars and college. even my grandma and my uncle’s wife who i barely see messaged me on facebook to tell me how selfish i’m being.
i blocked all of them in facebook and told my brother i only wanted him to be at my bedside while i died.
aita for giving my inheritance solely to my brother, and for cutting my family off?
| 20,103 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jugznz/aita_for_giving_the_entire_inheritance_to_my_twin/
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2020-11-15 05:45:00
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nta but maybe see a solicitor to make sure your will is incontestable. you don't want your poor brother trying to mourn you while a bunch of vultures steal everything not nailed down or specified in the will.
i am sorry for your situation and i hope that you have only the people who love you around for your remaining time.
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nta - it’s your money, your choice. your brother may decide to help out your nieces but that’s his choice and not theirs. i would talk with your brother though because i’d be worried your family will try and gaslight him into giving them a portion of the inheritance. i hope, for your sake, this can be sorted out and you can get some peace.
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nta- it’s your money, i’d go over with a inheritance lawyer to close any loopholes that the family could take. make sure you tell him not to let “family” members coax or scam him into giving them $.
example: pretending to love him/be friends after his death because he got $
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nta, you built everything from the ground up, and it sounds like you have a much closer relationship with your brother.
i would advise that you leave the rest of your family a small amount, because if they are left out entirely they could have the option of claiming you "forgot" to include them and go to court for it. but you should speak with a lawyer or legal adviser about this, because i'm neither of those things.
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nta: i'm sorry but the lack of compassion and just the amount of narcissism from your parents are ridiculous. you raised yourself. they did not raise you. they did not be good parents. your siblings need to figure out their lives themselves. they made their decisions so live with them
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nta. holy. shit. you are literally dying and they are angry about your money. fuck every last one of them.
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nta
it’s your money. your choice. they should be focused more on spending your last few months making memories instead of being ahs about it.
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[deleted]
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part of me is praying you're a troll, cause wtf is wrong with your family? your are absolutely 100% nta. you can do with your estate as your wish. maybe modify your will and leave your parents, sisters and nephews/nieces a small amount so they cannot contest your will.
i am so sorry about your prognosis. it is such a horrible card you have been dealt. please do not let your family shroud the precious time you have left. you are an amazing person for looking out for your twin. please focus on that.
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nta at all!! wow, your family is f'ed up. you don't have to leave them anything!! pay back your parents for raising you??? seriously??? wtf! i agree that consulting your lawyer to make sure there are no loop holes is a good idea. if you feel so inclined to include your nieces/nephews, invest in their education so your sisters can't touch it. ;)
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: am i the asshole for leaving my inheritance to only one sibling? so i (30f) made money young. i dropped out of college to model, then started my own business and made some smart decisions with stocks. so i have quite a bit of money saved, my own property owned free and clear (just pay utilities), and a couple cars. i am single and childless. growing up, i was very close with my twin (30m) but not so much with my other siblings (also twins, 28f). basically they were favored quite a bit by my parents. i took care of myself starting in high school and so did my twin. he paid his own way through college with no parental help while i built my business also on my own. our younger siblings did not. our parents bought them cars in high school, paid 100% of their tuition and living expenses in college, and supported them in starting their adults lives. both my sisters ended up in bad relationships where they had kids that the fathers eventually had nothing to do with. my parents have always given them plenty of money and support. i just got diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. it’s inoperable and i am going to die within six months. i have made my peace with it. i opted to leave everything to my brother in my will. that was he can pay off his student loans and have a vehicle and home free and clear. i want to know he has a good life while i’m gone. my parents and sisters found out that i’m leaving everything to him and flipped out. they accused me of favoritism and being a bad daughter, aunt, and sister. they said my parents deserved money for raising me, and that my nieces and nephews deserved my money for future expenses since their mothers couldn’t afford things like cars and college. even my grandma and my uncle’s wife who i barely see messaged me on facebook to tell me how selfish i’m being. i blocked all of them in facebook and told my brother i only wanted him to be at my bedside while i died. aita for giving my inheritance solely to my brother, and for cutting my family off?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
am i the asshole for leaving my inheritance to only one sibling? so i (30f) made money young. i dropped out of college to model, then started my own business and made some smart decisions with stocks. so i have quite a bit of money saved, my own property owned free and clear (just pay utilities), and a couple cars. i am single and childless. growing up, i was very close with my twin (30m) but not so much with my other siblings (also twins, 28f). basically they were favored quite a bit by my parents. i took care of myself starting in high school and so did my twin. he paid his own way through college with no parental help while i built my business also on my own. our younger siblings did not. our parents bought them cars in high school, paid 100% of their tuition and living expenses in college, and supported them in starting their adults lives. both my sisters ended up in bad relationships where they had kids that the fathers eventually had nothing to do with. my parents have always given them plenty of money and support. i just got diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. it’s inoperable and i am going to die within six months. i have made my peace with it. i opted to leave everything to my brother in my will. that was he can pay off his student loans and have a vehicle and home free and clear. i want to know he has a good life while i’m gone. my parents and sisters found out that i’m leaving everything to him and flipped out. they accused me of favoritism and being a bad daughter, aunt, and sister. they said my parents deserved money for raising me, and that my nieces and nephews deserved my money for future expenses since their mothers couldn’t afford things like cars and college. even my grandma and my uncle’s wife who i barely see messaged me on facebook to tell me how selfish i’m being. i blocked all of them in facebook and told my brother i only wanted him to be at my bedside while i died. aita for giving my inheritance solely to my brother, and for cutting my family off? [/INST] nta but maybe see a solicitor to make sure your will is incontestable. you don't want your poor brother trying to mourn you while a bunch of vultures steal everything not nailed down or specified in the will. i am sorry for your situation and i hope that you have only the people who love you around for your remaining time. </s>
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AITA for legally changing my name and refusing to speak to my mother
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growing up, my mother had a horrible habit of trying to one-up my aunt terra. she did everything from dying her hair like my aunt, making our living room a replica of her's, and getting better versions of her pets. my mom was the "pretty sister" growing up, married "better" and had "better kids."
this caused huge resentment for my siblings and i. everything we did was thrown into our cousin's faces. this led to us not speaking to my mother that often and refusing to go to see our aunt terra. i was close with my cousins \[we went to the same school\] but i hated when my mom was around.
what made it even more awkward was the fact my mom stole my aunt terra's names.
my oldest brother is martin and a year younger than cousin martina. i am named for my cousin rebecca \[i'm becca\] and we are six months apart.
i started going by eve \[short for my middle name evelyn\] when i was 13. my mom refused to call me anything but becca. but my whole family was more than happy to call me whatever i wanted. my brother went by his middle name as well.
i turned 18 and my dad paid for the legal name change. i am now evelyn surname.
my mom threw a fit and threatened to never speak to me again. i took her up on that offer and stopped contact. my dad has since divorced her and at 25 i have not spoken to her in *years.* she has reached out to me and said she was in therapy, had started medication for bipolar, and she wants me in her life.
i was almost tempted but she ended the message with "i miss my becca."
i told her she had the wrong person, there was no becca here. i told her when she wanted to speak to eve i would be here. she has not reached out since.
aita?
**thank you everyone for your replies. i have a lot to think about. i have had so many messages i am not sure how to reply to them all. but thanks everyone who took the time!**
| 18,152 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ft5rx2/aita_for_legally_changing_my_name_and_refusing_to/
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2020-04-01 18:33:51
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nta, and you handled her text very well. if she really wants to talk to you and gain your respect, she knows what to do.
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nta
you don't have to like who your mother was and who she is now. she will probably learn to call you eve or she won't. she sounds like she was abusive.
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omg evelyn is a beautiful name by the way! oh and nta, your mother had clearly some problems.. the fact that she wants you back is sweet, but the fact that she wants you back only in her way is disgusting! you're evelyn, not becca, thats legal now.
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nta. she needs to accept you and your name and she clearly does not.
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nta i’m glad you’re out of that toxic place now
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nta. that sounds miserable and i feel bad for you and your siblings and your cousins. your mom is upset over something as small as a name change? that’s ridiculous. she sounds really dramatic
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nta. however...
i have bipolar disorder. it is good that your mom is getting help in dealing with this disease, because it really does affect every aspect of one's life-- mental, physical as well as emotional. she is probably in the early stages of recovery and is most likely trying to make sense out of her life and how she's royally fucked it all up. part of that is reconciling with everybody she's managed to alienate over the course of her life. that can be extremely difficult and painful. she is obviously having a hard time reconciling who you are with who she wants you to be and how she wants to remember you.
it was an asshole move on her part. part of recovery from a mental illness is taking responsibility for your past actions and not making excuses for them. i would say leave the door open for future communication. but stick to your guns. you're name is eve, not becca, and she needs to realize and accept that.
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nta if we want someone in our lives we need to understand and appreciate who they are.
a person's name is the barest minimum.
btw, somewhat unrelated, evelyn is a better name than rebecca.
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not only are you not the asshole, but you should be very careful letting her back in. make some serious boundaries and make them stick. she sounds nuts. be safe. i've seen a lot of true crime drama stories that start this way.
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nta, and honestly i admire you for treating your aunt and cousins more fairly than your mother did. you were more of an adult than she, even as a child.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: growing up, my mother had a horrible habit of trying to one-up my aunt terra. she did everything from dying her hair like my aunt, making our living room a replica of her's, and getting better versions of her pets. my mom was the "pretty sister" growing up, married "better" and had "better kids." this caused huge resentment for my siblings and i. everything we did was thrown into our cousin's faces. this led to us not speaking to my mother that often and refusing to go to see our aunt terra. i was close with my cousins \[we went to the same school\] but i hated when my mom was around. what made it even more awkward was the fact my mom stole my aunt terra's names. my oldest brother is martin and a year younger than cousin martina. i am named for my cousin rebecca \[i'm becca\] and we are six months apart. i started going by eve \[short for my middle name evelyn\] when i was 13. my mom refused to call me anything but becca. but my whole family was more than happy to call me whatever i wanted. my brother went by his middle name as well. i turned 18 and my dad paid for the legal name change. i am now evelyn surname. my mom threw a fit and threatened to never speak to me again. i took her up on that offer and stopped contact. my dad has since divorced her and at 25 i have not spoken to her in *years.* she has reached out to me and said she was in therapy, had started medication for bipolar, and she wants me in her life. i was almost tempted but she ended the message with "i miss my becca." i told her she had the wrong person, there was no becca here. i told her when she wanted to speak to eve i would be here. she has not reached out since. aita? **thank you everyone for your replies. i have a lot to think about. i have had so many messages i am not sure how to reply to them all. but thanks everyone who took the time!**
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
growing up, my mother had a horrible habit of trying to one-up my aunt terra. she did everything from dying her hair like my aunt, making our living room a replica of her's, and getting better versions of her pets. my mom was the "pretty sister" growing up, married "better" and had "better kids." this caused huge resentment for my siblings and i. everything we did was thrown into our cousin's faces. this led to us not speaking to my mother that often and refusing to go to see our aunt terra. i was close with my cousins \[we went to the same school\] but i hated when my mom was around. what made it even more awkward was the fact my mom stole my aunt terra's names. my oldest brother is martin and a year younger than cousin martina. i am named for my cousin rebecca \[i'm becca\] and we are six months apart. i started going by eve \[short for my middle name evelyn\] when i was 13. my mom refused to call me anything but becca. but my whole family was more than happy to call me whatever i wanted. my brother went by his middle name as well. i turned 18 and my dad paid for the legal name change. i am now evelyn surname. my mom threw a fit and threatened to never speak to me again. i took her up on that offer and stopped contact. my dad has since divorced her and at 25 i have not spoken to her in *years.* she has reached out to me and said she was in therapy, had started medication for bipolar, and she wants me in her life. i was almost tempted but she ended the message with "i miss my becca." i told her she had the wrong person, there was no becca here. i told her when she wanted to speak to eve i would be here. she has not reached out since. aita? **thank you everyone for your replies. i have a lot to think about. i have had so many messages i am not sure how to reply to them all. but thanks everyone who took the time!** [/INST] nta, and you handled her text very well. if she really wants to talk to you and gain your respect, she knows what to do. </s>
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AITA for having rules about our daughter?
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my wife and i [30s] recently had our first child, a girl. my wife is a bipoc, i am white, we are in the us.
our rules around our daughter boil down to trying to raise a biracial daughter in a supportive environment:
* stick to positives/words of affirmation. we don’t want her internalizing things like being called silly for doing normal baby things.
* avoid names/terms with racist connotations. "monkey” is not on the table, regardless of context. **
| 4,925 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vu9liz/aita_for_having_rules_about_our_daughter/
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2022-07-08 12:25:38
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yta. you're being way too extra about this. your mom saying "walk to grandma" isn't coercion. if anything it's encouragement. also, chances are your kid didn't understand what she was saying anyway. you sound like you're on the road to being overprotective parents and you need to chill, for your kid's sake.
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you can have rules about your daughter.
but i must say, when someone close to me has enough of these rules that kill any kind of spontaneity and will spark all sorts of fights before i even realize what i did wrong... i just stop visiting at all. life is too short.
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i'm sorry, but yta. i truly get the anxiety of being first time parents, but you have *got* to chill.
no words with racist connotations is great. the books are a bit much, but whatever.
policing her to the extent that she can't say something is "silly" or encourage your daughter to walk towards her is way, way over the top. if you parent a particular way at home, it will have the impact on your daughter that you want without having to make sure every single other adult around her does the exact same thing. it would be exhausting and miserable to try and spend time with your child in these conditions and i understand why she'd think maybe it's better to just give up.
breathe, unclench, try not to micromanage every single experience your child is ever going to have. the benefit of having a parent who isn't constantly hovering and anxious is much more important than anything else you've listed here (except the racism).
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wow. yta. are you even enjoying any part of life or do you have rules about all aspects of how you behave? and if you carry on like this, good luck to your kid as they'll probably be terrified to break some rule they heard you trying to enforce for the rest of their lives.
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yta
you're overreacting. i absolutely understand some of your rules and why you want your parents to read those books. you guilt-tripping her for saying "come to grandma" is over the top though. calm down. you're the asshole.
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so your plan is to make everyone walk on eggshells and treat your child as if she is so fragile she'll break down if someone points to a monkey in her vicinity or suggests she have a goal when attempting a task? are you saving up for the therapy she's going need thanks to your "parenting"?
in regards to this specific situation, yes yta. why is it okay for you to encourage your daughter to walk to you or your wife (instead of letting her decide or reach that milestone organically) but it's a huge offensive and disrespect for your mother to dare encourage her to "walk to grandma"?
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yta. asking a baby to walk to you is totally normal parenting behavior. so are you not going to teach your children to read also? wouldn’t want to push them to do something they’re not ready for. are you going to force them to brush their teeth? heaven forbid you force a foreign object into your child’s mouth without their consent. there’s a line (and not even a fine one) between being responsible and being insufferable. sounds like you’re on the wrong side.
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there was a very funny modern family where cam said "we don't use the n–word \[the n–word being "no"\] around lilly." cam then got his hand stuck in the sink and lilly was flicking all the switches on in the kitchen and was soon to arrive at the one that activated the garbage disposal. what does this have to do with the problem at hand? while you get to set the rules as the parent, some of them are counterproductive. the phrase "walk to grandma" cannot be construed as coercive in any way, shape, or form. it's not akin to being told to smile; it's not akin to being forced to give a hug or a kiss; it **is** just a grandmother taking joy in her grandchild. why would you want to harm that relationship given the circumstances as you described them?
the fact that your child is bipoc is a red–herring and irrelevant to the situation about which you're seeking judgment.
yta.
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i can’t even believe what i am reading. you owe a huge apology to your mom. i also think you need some therapy.
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yta - 'walk to grandma' isn't coercion, or pressure to perform, it's encouragement.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my wife and i [30s] recently had our first child, a girl. my wife is a bipoc, i am white, we are in the us. our rules around our daughter boil down to trying to raise a biracial daughter in a supportive environment: * stick to positives/words of affirmation. we don’t want her internalizing things like being called silly for doing normal baby things. * avoid names/terms with racist connotations. "monkey” is not on the table, regardless of context. **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my wife and i [30s] recently had our first child, a girl. my wife is a bipoc, i am white, we are in the us. our rules around our daughter boil down to trying to raise a biracial daughter in a supportive environment: * stick to positives/words of affirmation. we don’t want her internalizing things like being called silly for doing normal baby things. * avoid names/terms with racist connotations. "monkey” is not on the table, regardless of context. ** [/INST] yta. you're being way too extra about this. your mom saying "walk to grandma" isn't coercion. if anything it's encouragement. also, chances are your kid didn't understand what she was saying anyway. you sound like you're on the road to being overprotective parents and you need to chill, for your kid's sake. </s>
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AITA for not buying my GF the gift she asked for b-day?
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this is throwaway account.
i (30m) have girlfriend (28f) of 6 years. it's always a problem to get her something for b-day so i asked her what she wants.
at first she said she does not know and that some nice dinner would do. but yesterday she came home from work and told me she saw very nice set of japanese knives she would like but it's a bit expensive gift. the knives were 254$ which i think is nonsense to pay for knives since she is not professional cook, she cooks as a hobby. i told her i think it's unreasonable and that i won't buy it for her. she said ok, but was quiet the whole evening. when i asked her what happened she told me i shouldn't ask her what she wants if i don't want to take it in consideration. i think it's a bit childish, she gave me one suggestion and i said no. it shouldn't be such a big deal.
also money is not the problem we have both nice salaries and are childfree with reasonable monthly expenses. we don't have any limit for the price of the gifts. for my last b-day she got me summer trip to turkey (paid by some benefits from her job).
so am i the asshole?
| 12,232 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sdhusf/aita_for_not_buying_my_gf_the_gift_she_asked_for/
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2022-01-26 22:08:06
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yta. she got you a trip to turkey and you can’t cough up $250 for a nice set of knives? boy, you had better get those knives delivered today if you ever want to enjoy the results of your girlfriend’s cooking hobby again. you don’t need to be a professional to enjoy nice knives ffs.
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yta. normally i'd say 'nah', but the fact that you stated that 'money is not the problem' changes everything. the only reason why you don't even want to give her those knives is because *you* think it's 'nonsense' because she is not a professional. you asked her what she wanted for her birthday since it's ''always a problem'' and she answered it and you just... immediately denied her request without even *considering* it.
just buy her the damn knives already.
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yta big time
you asked, she answered - you don't get to decide if it's "legitimate". it's her hobby! if she was into bird watching would you scoff at buying decent binoculars?
as it happens, $250 is a really good price for a nice hobbyist set. not a *great* set, just a decent set. you know *nothing* about cooking knives, clearly, based on the fact you think that's expensive for knives.
also? having good knives makes a huge difference in the kitchen. it's a genuine pleasure to work with quality knives - something i'm sure she knows.
you messed up not only by belittling her choice, but also by ignoring her after she finally answered. guess what - she's never gonna tell you what she wants again because she won't want to be disappointed by you.
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so lemme get this straight… she provided a trip to turkey and you’re refusing a knife set? yeah dude, yta
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yta. to begin with, why even ask if you didn't care about the answer? second, it feels like you didn't really say no in a very nice way. third, she got you a friggin trip to turkey! and you can't even give her something she asks for because you have decided that it's nonsense. d*ck move bro, buy her the knives and support her hobby. i mean, i'm pretty sure you also benefit from it.
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bro just get her what she wants. yta especially if money isn’t the issue. you know much crazy useless shit guys buy for themselves without even thinking about it? baseball cards, video game skins, guns, gaming equipment, traveling etc… all ridiculous things and you can’t buy her some knives?
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seriously? you asked what she wanted. she told you. you admitted that money isn't an issue. she got you a trip to turkey.
yeah, i'd have to say yta. also, why is her request unreasonable? .
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&#x200b;
yta. if you can easily afford a gift, even if it's not something you would want yourself, it's patronizing to declare what she asked for "unreasonable". a person can only have a nice set of cooking knives if they're a professional chef?
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yta. you can afford the gift, you just don't want to give it to her because she "cooks as a hobby" and you think it's "nonsense."
she was absolutely right, there was no point asking her what she wanted if you weren't going to consider it.
some good knives would actually be a great investment, especially since you probably benefit from her cooking.
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yta. i am a “hobby cook” as you put it. actually, i am not a professional trained cook but damn i can cook. that set of knives your girlfriend asked for is reasonably priced for a set of knives. i have numerous knives for specific purposes. one small chef’s knife was nearly $200aus. my large chef’s knife substantially more. you get what you pay for.
what’s more, a very sharp knife is safer to use than a blunt one. a good set of knives makes food prep a dream when cooking. a good set of knives will last a lifetime.
may i suggest you get the knives and see the results for yourself.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this is throwaway account. i (30m) have girlfriend (28f) of 6 years. it's always a problem to get her something for b-day so i asked her what she wants. at first she said she does not know and that some nice dinner would do. but yesterday she came home from work and told me she saw very nice set of japanese knives she would like but it's a bit expensive gift. the knives were 254$ which i think is nonsense to pay for knives since she is not professional cook, she cooks as a hobby. i told her i think it's unreasonable and that i won't buy it for her. she said ok, but was quiet the whole evening. when i asked her what happened she told me i shouldn't ask her what she wants if i don't want to take it in consideration. i think it's a bit childish, she gave me one suggestion and i said no. it shouldn't be such a big deal. also money is not the problem we have both nice salaries and are childfree with reasonable monthly expenses. we don't have any limit for the price of the gifts. for my last b-day she got me summer trip to turkey (paid by some benefits from her job). so am i the asshole?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this is throwaway account. i (30m) have girlfriend (28f) of 6 years. it's always a problem to get her something for b-day so i asked her what she wants. at first she said she does not know and that some nice dinner would do. but yesterday she came home from work and told me she saw very nice set of japanese knives she would like but it's a bit expensive gift. the knives were 254$ which i think is nonsense to pay for knives since she is not professional cook, she cooks as a hobby. i told her i think it's unreasonable and that i won't buy it for her. she said ok, but was quiet the whole evening. when i asked her what happened she told me i shouldn't ask her what she wants if i don't want to take it in consideration. i think it's a bit childish, she gave me one suggestion and i said no. it shouldn't be such a big deal. also money is not the problem we have both nice salaries and are childfree with reasonable monthly expenses. we don't have any limit for the price of the gifts. for my last b-day she got me summer trip to turkey (paid by some benefits from her job). so am i the asshole? [/INST] yta. she got you a trip to turkey and you can’t cough up $250 for a nice set of knives? boy, you had better get those knives delivered today if you ever want to enjoy the results of your girlfriend’s cooking hobby again. you don’t need to be a professional to enjoy nice knives ffs. </s>
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AITA for saying my babysitting rates are $35 an hour?
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i'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. i've always been the type to have a side hustle i put a lot of my free time into; i get really bored sitting idle.
my freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. so that's how i value my time.
anyway, over christmas vacation, i was staying at my parents house. my cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from christmas to new year's.
i'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when i had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. i wasn't in any rush; i was already ahead of schedule on them all, but i didn't really have anything else to do. it was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything
then my cousin and her husband asked if i could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. i said i had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit.
i said i could if they got close to my freelance rates. she wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 i didn't feel like that was right, it was high. but i didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work i had for my freelance project. i don't know a lot about kids and i've never babysat for long, and i had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult.
so i said $35, which is below what i make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum i'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work.
and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc.
i said that's way below what i'd be making if i had the time to do my own work, and i'd be putting off my own work to babysit.
her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being.
i was kind of done with being called stupid so i just told them i hoped they could find someone else.
my mom thinks that i asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too.
aita for giving that number?
| 39,874 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eizcvf/aita_for_saying_my_babysitting_rates_are_35_an/
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2020-01-02 15:09:34
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nta. 3 kids all day, for 3 straight days? even real babysitters would charge more than 15 for 3 kids. obviously they wanted you to do it as a favor, and got upset that you treated it as an actual job.
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nta. if they really wanted to go away for three days they should have arranged a sitter in advance. the husband saying you're a 24 year old girl (btw, you're a woman at 24...) and your time isn't worth anything is ridiculous considering you'd get paid $60 an hour if you don't babysit their kids. the husband sounds like a sexist dick.
plus you told them you wouldn't babysit if they couldn't approach your rate. you probably should have just said no from the start but you did inform them that it would be expensive. don't worry about it too much.
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nta
>and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc.
i would have bowed out immediately and told her to have fun dealing with no options.
>her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being.
yes, what a stupid girl you are for knowing what your time is worth 🙄
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$35 an hour for watching the 3 kids? where were you when my three kids needed babysitting? my wife and i hardly went out and never for very long because we were being charged $20 per hour per kid.
nta, op. it's your time and you charge what you think your time is worth. it's up to the customer to decide if they agree or if they think they can get the same service for less somewhere else.
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nta.
a. if they need a babysitter that badly they should've arranged for one in advance.
b. you're being asked to baby sit three kids. three kids is a lot of work, $15 sounds kinda absurd to me.
c. you have your own life and an actual job that you would be neglecting (or free lance at least) that is worth almost double that amount.
d. the only offensive ones are your cousin and husband who started calling you names when you didn't bend to their will.
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nta
you're a "stupid little girl" who pulls $60/hour freelancing. i just started salesforce training and i'd be happy to make half that freelancing. good for you!
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nta. she offered to pay you, you named your price, she didn’t like it. maybe she expected a discount. i would have gone with nah except you actually named a price that isn’t outside the norm compared to the going rates in my area. the general rule used to be $15 an hour for one kid, $20 an hour for 2 kids, but she has three young ones. when i had 3 younger kids i was quoted $30 an hour.
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nta
if your mom and husband are so bothered by it, why arent they babysitting?
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nta, because asking someone who is also on vacation to watch your kids for 3 days is kind of shitty. an evening, sure, but 3 whole days is crazy.
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nta
your time, your rates
to anyone saying "it's not fair to charge that much" - the price is the price, nobody owes you cheap child care (especially during the holidays at the last minute for several days) - honestly $60 seems reasonable to me, $20 per brat per hour.
don't like it? find someone else or maybe spend your holidays with your own damn kids instead of foisting them off on others.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. i've always been the type to have a side hustle i put a lot of my free time into; i get really bored sitting idle. my freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. so that's how i value my time. anyway, over christmas vacation, i was staying at my parents house. my cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from christmas to new year's. i'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when i had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. i wasn't in any rush; i was already ahead of schedule on them all, but i didn't really have anything else to do. it was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything then my cousin and her husband asked if i could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. i said i had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit. i said i could if they got close to my freelance rates. she wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 i didn't feel like that was right, it was high. but i didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work i had for my freelance project. i don't know a lot about kids and i've never babysat for long, and i had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult. so i said $35, which is below what i make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum i'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work. and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc. i said that's way below what i'd be making if i had the time to do my own work, and i'd be putting off my own work to babysit. her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being. i was kind of done with being called stupid so i just told them i hoped they could find someone else. my mom thinks that i asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too. aita for giving that number?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm a software engineer, with a full time job and a side hustle of doing freelance coding work in my own time. i've always been the type to have a side hustle i put a lot of my free time into; i get really bored sitting idle. my freelance hourly rates are $60 an hour, and at my full time job, my hourly pay works out to about $40 an hour. so that's how i value my time. anyway, over christmas vacation, i was staying at my parents house. my cousin was also staying over with her three young kids from christmas to new year's. i'd been planning on doing some work on my freelance projects when i had free time; in the mornings when my family had no plans. i wasn't in any rush; i was already ahead of schedule on them all, but i didn't really have anything else to do. it was in a really rural area and it's like an hour drive to the nearest anything then my cousin and her husband asked if i could babysit all day for three days, so they could visit some friends in the area and hang out with just adults. i said i had planned on doing freelance work at the library, and she offered to pay me to babysit. i said i could if they got close to my freelance rates. she wanted a number, and although my freelance rates are $60 i didn't feel like that was right, it was high. but i didn't want to go too low; honestly babysitting 3 kids would be harder for me than the routine coding work i had for my freelance project. i don't know a lot about kids and i've never babysat for long, and i had a feeling it would be stressful and difficult. so i said $35, which is below what i make hourly at work, and what is the bare minimum i'd value my time for, if that time is spent doing difficult work. and she went crazy at me, saying that's a ridiculous rate for babysitting, that i was entitled and being selfish, that i'm trying to take advantage of how she didn't have other options, etc. i said that's way below what i'd be making if i had the time to do my own work, and i'd be putting off my own work to babysit. her husband then got mad at me saying that i was a 24 year old girl, that i'm damn near a child myself, that my time is not worth that much and it's childish to say that it was. and that i was a stupid girl for not knowing that babysitting costs like 15 an hour, when i grew up and have kids of my own i will see how stupid i was being. i was kind of done with being called stupid so i just told them i hoped they could find someone else. my mom thinks that i asked for something offensive, and my cousin and her husband obviously did too. aita for giving that number? [/INST] nta. 3 kids all day, for 3 straight days? even real babysitters would charge more than 15 for 3 kids. obviously they wanted you to do it as a favor, and got upset that you treated it as an actual job. </s>
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AITA for following my [42M] wife [27F] around for an evening?
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the title sounds extreme but here are the details. my wife and i have been together for 5 years. i love her so much that it pains me to write this. the thing is, i was the sole earner for a while and i was happy to provide (i am a software developer at a local startup that has tripled in employees and gone exponential in revenue). we're not having kids, so my wife got bored of being home and doing nothing. so she got a job at a law firm as a paralegal.
enter this attorney, who i'll call brandon. my wife started to bring him up quite a bit. you know when your wife starts talking about something, drops it, and then brings it up again a few minutes or hours later like there was no gap? my wife does that with stories about him. i searched through her facebook friends list one day for "brandon" and saw that they had connected. okay... then my wife starts going to work happy hours and i'm seeing pictures of the guy on her timeline. in most of the pictures she is positioned next to him, holding a drink. okay...
i have gained considerable weight since joining the startup. there is free food provided to us nearly every day. my wife has maintained a really low weight and looks as beautiful as she did at 22. brandon is more like how i used to be weight wise. however, i believe i make more money than he does.
so here it goes... i take off work on friday, as my team is nearing the end of our project. i wait for my wife to leave the firm and i see her walking out with brandon. they get in my wife's car, purchased on my dime, and i follow them for a bit. they go to a local dive bar and it turns out all of her coworkers are there - i see them entering. i wait for hours and everyone eventually leaves. my wife leaves last with brandon and she takes him home. i don't see any physical contact as he exits the vehicle to go inside his apartment building.
at this point, i'm sick. i'm gutted. i wait at home for my wife and confront her about brandon. she went insane basically, threatening to end the marriage because i stalked her. she told me she is always the dd for happy hour because she doesn't drink much (which is true), but she didn't address my greater concerns. aita?
tl;dr followed my wife one evening because of her weird relationship with an attorney at the firm she joined
| 4,913 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bxpblv/aita_for_following_my_42m_wife_27f_around_for_an/
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2019-06-07 02:29:45
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yta. she's not allowed to hang out with coworkers? you observed nothing but normal friendly stuff and yet you confronted her? this marriage is doomed. sorry my dude.
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yta /. i guess it’s easy to be insecure when you’re an overweight old guy married to a young hottie. good luck pal.
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yta. so she made a friend at work, told you about him honestly, and then you decided to stalk her...where you saw her go to a work happy hour and then drop him off at his house perfectly innocently. you’re a lunatic and i hope she leaves you asap. and that’s not even beginning to get into all the sexist bullshit thrown in throughout your post.
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yta for not having an honest conversation with her like an adult instead of creepily following her. turns out she had done nothing wrong and you’re just jealous and insecure.
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>"brandon is more like how i used to be weight wise. however, i believe i make more money than he does."
&#x200b;
\^ insecure much, dude?
you are 100% the asshole here. you don't trust your wife but rather than bringing up your concerns with her and having a conservation like adults (you're 15 years older than her, a little maturity shouldn't be too much to ask) you spent hours following her? the fact that you thought this was your best option strongly, strongly suggests that this is a doomed relationship. yta.
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yta. this is way over the line and your wife must be devastated by obvious lack of trust you have in her. this was all so bad, especially this part:
“brandon is more like how i used to be weight wise. however, i think i make more money than him.”
yikes. it doesn’t seem like you have a very high opinion of your wife or your relationship if you’re thinking of things so shallow.
she has a new work friend (and yes, he’s only a friend), and that must be wonderful after all her years spent at home! be happy for her, apologize, get to couples therapy, and lay off of her.
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yta so much that asshole.
you don't trust your wife, because of your own insecurities. you'll end up blowing up your marriage in an epic self-fulfilling prophecy.
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yta. yuck.
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yta. even before you started following her, you were spying on her via facebook, so let’s not pretend it was just this one evening.
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yta. having insecurities and concerns does not make you ta, but stalking your own wife absolutely does. why would you not just talk to her with your words? she's allowed to have friends, you're allowed to have questions.
&#x200b;
but the stalking and confronting and being given an extremely reasonable explanation for the shared car ride and then having the nerve to say "she didn't address my greater concerns" as if you approached the issue in a mature, calm manner is bonkers and makes you ta.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: the title sounds extreme but here are the details. my wife and i have been together for 5 years. i love her so much that it pains me to write this. the thing is, i was the sole earner for a while and i was happy to provide (i am a software developer at a local startup that has tripled in employees and gone exponential in revenue). we're not having kids, so my wife got bored of being home and doing nothing. so she got a job at a law firm as a paralegal. enter this attorney, who i'll call brandon. my wife started to bring him up quite a bit. you know when your wife starts talking about something, drops it, and then brings it up again a few minutes or hours later like there was no gap? my wife does that with stories about him. i searched through her facebook friends list one day for "brandon" and saw that they had connected. okay... then my wife starts going to work happy hours and i'm seeing pictures of the guy on her timeline. in most of the pictures she is positioned next to him, holding a drink. okay... i have gained considerable weight since joining the startup. there is free food provided to us nearly every day. my wife has maintained a really low weight and looks as beautiful as she did at 22. brandon is more like how i used to be weight wise. however, i believe i make more money than he does. so here it goes... i take off work on friday, as my team is nearing the end of our project. i wait for my wife to leave the firm and i see her walking out with brandon. they get in my wife's car, purchased on my dime, and i follow them for a bit. they go to a local dive bar and it turns out all of her coworkers are there - i see them entering. i wait for hours and everyone eventually leaves. my wife leaves last with brandon and she takes him home. i don't see any physical contact as he exits the vehicle to go inside his apartment building. at this point, i'm sick. i'm gutted. i wait at home for my wife and confront her about brandon. she went insane basically, threatening to end the marriage because i stalked her. she told me she is always the dd for happy hour because she doesn't drink much (which is true), but she didn't address my greater concerns. aita? tl;dr followed my wife one evening because of her weird relationship with an attorney at the firm she joined
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
the title sounds extreme but here are the details. my wife and i have been together for 5 years. i love her so much that it pains me to write this. the thing is, i was the sole earner for a while and i was happy to provide (i am a software developer at a local startup that has tripled in employees and gone exponential in revenue). we're not having kids, so my wife got bored of being home and doing nothing. so she got a job at a law firm as a paralegal. enter this attorney, who i'll call brandon. my wife started to bring him up quite a bit. you know when your wife starts talking about something, drops it, and then brings it up again a few minutes or hours later like there was no gap? my wife does that with stories about him. i searched through her facebook friends list one day for "brandon" and saw that they had connected. okay... then my wife starts going to work happy hours and i'm seeing pictures of the guy on her timeline. in most of the pictures she is positioned next to him, holding a drink. okay... i have gained considerable weight since joining the startup. there is free food provided to us nearly every day. my wife has maintained a really low weight and looks as beautiful as she did at 22. brandon is more like how i used to be weight wise. however, i believe i make more money than he does. so here it goes... i take off work on friday, as my team is nearing the end of our project. i wait for my wife to leave the firm and i see her walking out with brandon. they get in my wife's car, purchased on my dime, and i follow them for a bit. they go to a local dive bar and it turns out all of her coworkers are there - i see them entering. i wait for hours and everyone eventually leaves. my wife leaves last with brandon and she takes him home. i don't see any physical contact as he exits the vehicle to go inside his apartment building. at this point, i'm sick. i'm gutted. i wait at home for my wife and confront her about brandon. she went insane basically, threatening to end the marriage because i stalked her. she told me she is always the dd for happy hour because she doesn't drink much (which is true), but she didn't address my greater concerns. aita? tl;dr followed my wife one evening because of her weird relationship with an attorney at the firm she joined [/INST] yta. she's not allowed to hang out with coworkers? you observed nothing but normal friendly stuff and yet you confronted her? this marriage is doomed. sorry my dude. </s>
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AITA for embarrassing my sister during family dinner
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so i (f21) was having dinner with my family. my sister(31) and her fiancé, my 2 brothers (28, 23) and my parents.
let me give a small back story before i continue. my sister has hated me all my life. i don’t know why but she does. i tried my hardest to have a relationship with her but she never cared for it.
you’d think after we’ve all matured, she’d quit whatever it is she’s on but she’s still the same as she was when we were children. my parents never called her out on how she treated me so she just continued it.
one of her favorite things to do is compare me at a certain age to her when she was that age. for example, “i was smarter at 14 than op was, i even got better grades”. and that brings me to today. my sister was on her shit again and comparing me and the college courses i’m currently taking vs the ones she took.
she took it to another level and said i wasn’t smart and she could prove i cheated 12 years through school and 2 years in college (???). she asks (this is her **exact** question) “if you’re so smart what is the noun of a pronoun with an adverb”. everyone around the table kinda just stares like what? she asks again. i tell her there’s no answer to that as it didn’t make any sense. her conclusion, i’m an idiot.
so, i decided to ask her a question. i asked her to tell me how does precipitation work in the water cycle. a simple question *to me*. no answer. she gets red and says i purposely used a “big word” to confuse her and i wasn’t being fair. here’s where i could be the ass. i mocked what she said “but i thought you were smarter than me”. my brother chimed in and said it was a fair question and she got embarrassed and walked out.
my dad says i owe her an apology and said i should’ve been the “bigger person” as i’ve always been. i told him i’m not going to apologize and she can cry about it aita?
| 18,533 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kpklht/aita_for_embarrassing_my_sister_during_family/
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2021-01-03 13:26:57
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nta. she can dish it out but she can’t take it.
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if you can get her explanation of "a noun of a pronoun with an adverb," please post it. i have to know.
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was precipitation suppose to be the big word a 31 year old educated women doesn’t know?
christ your nta and your sister is high on her horse.
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nta. your sister is jealous of you, and puts you down bc she is stupid.
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nta
i actually love this. you proved she had no idea what she was talking about. you used a big word that she didn't understand but she is smarter than you. that is freaking hilarious.
you did nothing wrong. you put her in her place and she got upset. your dad should just stay out of it as they have always when she did this to you. love your brother.
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[deleted]
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[deleted]
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nta - she sounds like a treat. sorry to hear you’ve had to deal with her 🥴 hopefully one day she’ll tell you what her issue is or she’ll realise she needs to get over herself and build a relationship before it’s too late!
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nta
when you were born, she lost the "princess position" as only girl in the house.
now there was another girl family could dressing up and make a fuss about.
she is jealous, and not mature enough to deal with it.
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nta and you totally rained on her parade. (i'm here all night ladies and gents)
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i (f21) was having dinner with my family. my sister(31) and her fiancé, my 2 brothers (28, 23) and my parents. let me give a small back story before i continue. my sister has hated me all my life. i don’t know why but she does. i tried my hardest to have a relationship with her but she never cared for it. you’d think after we’ve all matured, she’d quit whatever it is she’s on but she’s still the same as she was when we were children. my parents never called her out on how she treated me so she just continued it. one of her favorite things to do is compare me at a certain age to her when she was that age. for example, “i was smarter at 14 than op was, i even got better grades”. and that brings me to today. my sister was on her shit again and comparing me and the college courses i’m currently taking vs the ones she took. she took it to another level and said i wasn’t smart and she could prove i cheated 12 years through school and 2 years in college (???). she asks (this is her **exact** question) “if you’re so smart what is the noun of a pronoun with an adverb”. everyone around the table kinda just stares like what? she asks again. i tell her there’s no answer to that as it didn’t make any sense. her conclusion, i’m an idiot. so, i decided to ask her a question. i asked her to tell me how does precipitation work in the water cycle. a simple question *to me*. no answer. she gets red and says i purposely used a “big word” to confuse her and i wasn’t being fair. here’s where i could be the ass. i mocked what she said “but i thought you were smarter than me”. my brother chimed in and said it was a fair question and she got embarrassed and walked out. my dad says i owe her an apology and said i should’ve been the “bigger person” as i’ve always been. i told him i’m not going to apologize and she can cry about it aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i (f21) was having dinner with my family. my sister(31) and her fiancé, my 2 brothers (28, 23) and my parents. let me give a small back story before i continue. my sister has hated me all my life. i don’t know why but she does. i tried my hardest to have a relationship with her but she never cared for it. you’d think after we’ve all matured, she’d quit whatever it is she’s on but she’s still the same as she was when we were children. my parents never called her out on how she treated me so she just continued it. one of her favorite things to do is compare me at a certain age to her when she was that age. for example, “i was smarter at 14 than op was, i even got better grades”. and that brings me to today. my sister was on her shit again and comparing me and the college courses i’m currently taking vs the ones she took. she took it to another level and said i wasn’t smart and she could prove i cheated 12 years through school and 2 years in college (???). she asks (this is her **exact** question) “if you’re so smart what is the noun of a pronoun with an adverb”. everyone around the table kinda just stares like what? she asks again. i tell her there’s no answer to that as it didn’t make any sense. her conclusion, i’m an idiot. so, i decided to ask her a question. i asked her to tell me how does precipitation work in the water cycle. a simple question *to me*. no answer. she gets red and says i purposely used a “big word” to confuse her and i wasn’t being fair. here’s where i could be the ass. i mocked what she said “but i thought you were smarter than me”. my brother chimed in and said it was a fair question and she got embarrassed and walked out. my dad says i owe her an apology and said i should’ve been the “bigger person” as i’ve always been. i told him i’m not going to apologize and she can cry about it aita? [/INST] nta. she can dish it out but she can’t take it. </s>
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AITA for leaving an equal inheritance to my stepson as my bio kids?
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i (62m) met my current wife (39f) four years ago, and we got married two years ago. she has a son (12m) from her previous marriage who lives with us full time (his dad visits occasionally, but lives in another country). i also have two adult children (34m and 32f) from my first marriage. i will admit i don't have the greatest track record as a father. while my bio kids were growing up, we were kind of distant, as their mother and i were constantly fighting (she was a sahm, while i was running a business to varying degrees of success). however, when they became adults, we (bio kids and i) became much closer. my business also grew a lot, and i am quite wealthy now, compared to struggling to pay bills when my bio kids were growing up.
my relationship with my stepson is quite good. he doesn't call me dad, but seems to view me as a very close uncle. i do my best to be a good father figure to him. if i'm being completely honest, i hope that eventually he will see me as a father figure, especially given that his father is never really around, and constantly disappoints him.
so here's the issue. a few weeks ago while i was going through some things in the basement with my bio son and daughter, the topic of inheritance came up. i mentioned how i planned to include my stepson in my will, and he would get a third of the inheritance (i don't remember how exactly we got to this topic).
well, my kids are furious with me now, telling me this was unfair, as they had to grow up with a cold, emotionally and physically distant/unavailable father who struggled to bring food to the table. they mention how my stepson gets to live a luxurious childhood with a much kinder and more present/emotionally available and supportive parent than they had ever had while not even being my real son. then on top of that, they would lose out on the inheritance they feel they had earned for working so hard to repair our relationship after all the damage i had done to them. (
| 6,652 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xqmbx1/aita_for_leaving_an_equal_inheritance_to_my/
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2022-09-28 19:44:45
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yta, without a. doubt. why are you treating some random kid that youve known for 2 minutes the same as your actual real kids who you have apparently failed over and over again?
i guess you can leave him a bit, but 1/3 is ridiculous.
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yta
while theoretically it is lovely to leave something to a step child your leaving an equal share to the child of your trophy wife is really tone deaf.
your bio children are not being greedy for not being pleased by your showing once again that you are not treating them fairly.
you have shown them that you - who are old enough to be this kid's grandfather - now has decided to have a new family as a do over.
also you do realize that your step child is going to wind up with more than the bio kids anyway since you are going to leave a sizable amount to your new trophy wife and you will almost assuredly die before her given the large difference in age. the step child is going to inherit from his mother the amount you left to her as well as the one third directly. and i bet you are also leaving the wife your house and other valuable personal property.
a lot of bio kids have been screwed out of stuff when the father takes up a new family.
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soft yta
you're elevating a boy you've known for 4 years to the same status as your adult children, who you admit you fathered poorly and who didn't walk away from you. they also contributed to your success. that has to sting.
you can still include your step son, but giving him an equal share is a bad idea. at least it is currently...that can change in 10, 20 years.
my suggestion: make some outright gifts to your bio kids now. it will show them that they're a priority...it will take care of the sting...and you get to watch them enjoy it.
*
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yta
people view wills as the true feelings of the deceased person. if you don't leave a lot to your children, they're always going to believe you really didn't want them. if you give a large chunk to your wife and her son, but a smaller portion to your children; your children are absolutely going to believe you didn't love them.
you know how you feel bad for your stepson, because his bio dad disappoints him a lot? that's how your children feel.
why can't you step in for them as the good dad like you do for your stepson?? even though they're adults, they still pine for their father's love and affection. every child who had an absent parent feels that way, whether they want to admit to themselves or not.
you have scarred them for life by being an absent dad. they're looking at what you will leave to them as your genuine feelings for them. the fact you want to evenly divide it amongst them and your stepson is like a new betrayal. why should he be treated as their equal? stepson gets the life with their dad that they'll never get. your guilty feeling of not wanting to leave your stepson out should really be feeling guilty to your bio children for never being the dad they deserved their entire lives. they didn't get to pick you as their dad, they were stuck with you and your choices. yet, you got to pick your stepson as your preferred child and rub it in the faces of your bio children.
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so.....the reason you have all this money is because (1) you were able to work hard by ignoring your older children when they were kids, and (2) because they both came back to their distant and cold father, and helped make your business the success it is today? do i have that correct with your edit?
also info: whose getting the business? are you splitting the business that you own three ways? or are you splitting your money between the kids/wife and the business is separate from the inheritance?
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yta. i think you can leave your stepson some amount, but it shouldn’t be equal to your biological kids.
and for what it’s worth, if your wife pushes for the equal inheritance, she sucks
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yta especially because if your giving your wife 1/3, your stepson will probably end up inheriting more than your bio children
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yta create a college fund for your step son so that he will be taken care of in that aspect, but do not give him an equal share of what rightfully belongs to your biological children. you caused them a lot of pain and suffering while they were growing up. do you really want them to resent and hate you for the rest of their lives once you're gone?
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yta - based on your comments your kids will get one third to split between the 3 of them and your wife will get 1/3. so when your wife passes your stepson will get even more. effectively making him the largest beneficiary to your estate. which i can seen why your bio kids, who you neglected horribly when they were little per your own words, have issue with that. your kids honestly were there through it all. the financially lean times, the neglect, and as you built yourself back up they gave you a chance. but you think that means they should have to split with your stepkid. honestly, you should split your estate a lot more fairly for your bio kids. i don't know how because the stepkid is going to inherit from mom eventually, but damn i could see this ruining your relationship or the memory of you for your biokids.
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you aren’t the asshole here but it is super complicated. their feelings are valid and it sounds like they never got over this idea that you gave your new family more than you gave them, which sounds like it is accurate.
maybe setting aside a suffering payment or taking into consideration the years they supported/helped you early on and splitting the rest of the will 3 ways would make more sense.
stepson should understand that his college fund, vacations and trips, sat tutors, birthday parties, etc, account for what the older siblings would be given in the will, since they did not get those things.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (62m) met my current wife (39f) four years ago, and we got married two years ago. she has a son (12m) from her previous marriage who lives with us full time (his dad visits occasionally, but lives in another country). i also have two adult children (34m and 32f) from my first marriage. i will admit i don't have the greatest track record as a father. while my bio kids were growing up, we were kind of distant, as their mother and i were constantly fighting (she was a sahm, while i was running a business to varying degrees of success). however, when they became adults, we (bio kids and i) became much closer. my business also grew a lot, and i am quite wealthy now, compared to struggling to pay bills when my bio kids were growing up. my relationship with my stepson is quite good. he doesn't call me dad, but seems to view me as a very close uncle. i do my best to be a good father figure to him. if i'm being completely honest, i hope that eventually he will see me as a father figure, especially given that his father is never really around, and constantly disappoints him. so here's the issue. a few weeks ago while i was going through some things in the basement with my bio son and daughter, the topic of inheritance came up. i mentioned how i planned to include my stepson in my will, and he would get a third of the inheritance (i don't remember how exactly we got to this topic). well, my kids are furious with me now, telling me this was unfair, as they had to grow up with a cold, emotionally and physically distant/unavailable father who struggled to bring food to the table. they mention how my stepson gets to live a luxurious childhood with a much kinder and more present/emotionally available and supportive parent than they had ever had while not even being my real son. then on top of that, they would lose out on the inheritance they feel they had earned for working so hard to repair our relationship after all the damage i had done to them. (
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (62m) met my current wife (39f) four years ago, and we got married two years ago. she has a son (12m) from her previous marriage who lives with us full time (his dad visits occasionally, but lives in another country). i also have two adult children (34m and 32f) from my first marriage. i will admit i don't have the greatest track record as a father. while my bio kids were growing up, we were kind of distant, as their mother and i were constantly fighting (she was a sahm, while i was running a business to varying degrees of success). however, when they became adults, we (bio kids and i) became much closer. my business also grew a lot, and i am quite wealthy now, compared to struggling to pay bills when my bio kids were growing up. my relationship with my stepson is quite good. he doesn't call me dad, but seems to view me as a very close uncle. i do my best to be a good father figure to him. if i'm being completely honest, i hope that eventually he will see me as a father figure, especially given that his father is never really around, and constantly disappoints him. so here's the issue. a few weeks ago while i was going through some things in the basement with my bio son and daughter, the topic of inheritance came up. i mentioned how i planned to include my stepson in my will, and he would get a third of the inheritance (i don't remember how exactly we got to this topic). well, my kids are furious with me now, telling me this was unfair, as they had to grow up with a cold, emotionally and physically distant/unavailable father who struggled to bring food to the table. they mention how my stepson gets to live a luxurious childhood with a much kinder and more present/emotionally available and supportive parent than they had ever had while not even being my real son. then on top of that, they would lose out on the inheritance they feel they had earned for working so hard to repair our relationship after all the damage i had done to them. ( [/INST] yta, without a. doubt. why are you treating some random kid that youve known for 2 minutes the same as your actual real kids who you have apparently failed over and over again? i guess you can leave him a bit, but 1/3 is ridiculous. </s>
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AITA for “double-reporting” an employee (to his boss, and then to corporate) and probably getting him fired?
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my husband and i have a 15 year old son, who is biracial; my husband is african american and i am white (this will be important later on in the story). my son just got his driver’s permit and has begun driving with me on a regular basis. the other day we were on the road, and he accidentally cut off a truck, making him have to break abruptly.
i scolded my son and gave a “sorry” wave to the driver. at the next red light which came about a minute later, the guy pulled up next to us. his car had a large company logo on it, indicating he was on the job. he rolled down the window and shouted the n-word at my son. my son’s face went pale, and he was quiet, depressed and clearly wounded deeply the rest of the drive home. the encounter **sickened** me.
i did some research on the company; at one point i even plugged them into facebook. they have a very active facebook page and seem like an organization that prides themselves on a good image and good customer service. i called the company and reported the man’s behavior, describing him very vividly. they informed me that they knew exactly who i was talking about, and that all their drivers drive with a dashcam, so his behavior is on camera. i had a good feeling about the encounter and that they were going to definitely take care of the situation.
two months later, when i was browsing facebook kind of boredly one day, the company’s name was recommended in my search, and just for the hell of it i clicked and looked at their page for the first time in two months. one of the very first photos/posts i saw from just a day ago showed a big group of their employees huddled together in their company yard, with some kind of tag about a project they just completed. to my horror, i saw the employee who shouted at my son in the group, grinning widely. meaning they didn’t fire him.
the company is part of a nationwide chain, so i called their corporate headquarters, was connected to the highest person i could get to, and i reported the incident to them, and complained about how they didn’t fire him. the man i spoke to sounded **disgusted**, way, way more so than the previous person i’d reported him to, apologized profusely, and thanked me very much for telling him. additionally, he made multiple statements about how racists and bigots have “no place” and “no future” in his company, giving me a strong feeling the offending employee’s career is now toast.
was it right of me to “double-report” this guy? i’m sure he was given at least some consequence the first time around (if not fired) and wonder if some might argue that i was going too far or being vindictive by reporting him again. am i an asshole or a “karen” for not dropping this matter?
| 17,866 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cmh276/aita_for_doublereporting_an_employee_to_his_boss/
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2019-08-05 21:12:09
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nta - dude deserves worse than losing his job for using that kind of racist language with a fucking child. good on you. i hope his life is hell.
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nta - he had no right to call your son the n-word, your son did absolutely nothing wrong. there is nothing that should be tolerated about a person throwing racial slurs out of thin air.
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nta - people need to be held responsible for their actions, especially when on the job.
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nta. first of all, that's your son. secondly, no one gets a racism pass.
the driver's behavior was disgusting and should face serious af ramifications for his indecency.
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nta. you didn't get him fired, his racist behavior did.
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nta that kind of behavior has no place in this world especially when you are in the company vehicle representing a business. i’m sure the higher up was glad you brought it to their attention.
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nta. if you want to be a racist piece of shit, dont be suprised when you lose your job
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clickbait title? check. story that is clearly sided with op not being the asshole? check.
this entire sub ^
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esh he should absolutely 100% have never had anything mean to say to your son let alone that and if that's in character for him he's a truly disgusting and terrible person. that said, you're still worrying about this shithead two months later to the point that you went out of your way to get him fired? after you already reported him and you don't even know if he was reprimanded and reformed because it's not like there was a second incident you just happened to see him in a picture. you don't know anything about him except that he used one word on one occasion and thought that warranted being jobless? odds are he was working there out of necessity to sustain his life and possibly a family's rather than for his own amusement. just my unpopular opinion i guess but that seems equally shitty to me
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[deleted]
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
ESH
| null | 0.01744 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i have a 15 year old son, who is biracial; my husband is african american and i am white (this will be important later on in the story). my son just got his driver’s permit and has begun driving with me on a regular basis. the other day we were on the road, and he accidentally cut off a truck, making him have to break abruptly. i scolded my son and gave a “sorry” wave to the driver. at the next red light which came about a minute later, the guy pulled up next to us. his car had a large company logo on it, indicating he was on the job. he rolled down the window and shouted the n-word at my son. my son’s face went pale, and he was quiet, depressed and clearly wounded deeply the rest of the drive home. the encounter **sickened** me. i did some research on the company; at one point i even plugged them into facebook. they have a very active facebook page and seem like an organization that prides themselves on a good image and good customer service. i called the company and reported the man’s behavior, describing him very vividly. they informed me that they knew exactly who i was talking about, and that all their drivers drive with a dashcam, so his behavior is on camera. i had a good feeling about the encounter and that they were going to definitely take care of the situation. two months later, when i was browsing facebook kind of boredly one day, the company’s name was recommended in my search, and just for the hell of it i clicked and looked at their page for the first time in two months. one of the very first photos/posts i saw from just a day ago showed a big group of their employees huddled together in their company yard, with some kind of tag about a project they just completed. to my horror, i saw the employee who shouted at my son in the group, grinning widely. meaning they didn’t fire him. the company is part of a nationwide chain, so i called their corporate headquarters, was connected to the highest person i could get to, and i reported the incident to them, and complained about how they didn’t fire him. the man i spoke to sounded **disgusted**, way, way more so than the previous person i’d reported him to, apologized profusely, and thanked me very much for telling him. additionally, he made multiple statements about how racists and bigots have “no place” and “no future” in his company, giving me a strong feeling the offending employee’s career is now toast. was it right of me to “double-report” this guy? i’m sure he was given at least some consequence the first time around (if not fired) and wonder if some might argue that i was going too far or being vindictive by reporting him again. am i an asshole or a “karen” for not dropping this matter?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i have a 15 year old son, who is biracial; my husband is african american and i am white (this will be important later on in the story). my son just got his driver’s permit and has begun driving with me on a regular basis. the other day we were on the road, and he accidentally cut off a truck, making him have to break abruptly. i scolded my son and gave a “sorry” wave to the driver. at the next red light which came about a minute later, the guy pulled up next to us. his car had a large company logo on it, indicating he was on the job. he rolled down the window and shouted the n-word at my son. my son’s face went pale, and he was quiet, depressed and clearly wounded deeply the rest of the drive home. the encounter **sickened** me. i did some research on the company; at one point i even plugged them into facebook. they have a very active facebook page and seem like an organization that prides themselves on a good image and good customer service. i called the company and reported the man’s behavior, describing him very vividly. they informed me that they knew exactly who i was talking about, and that all their drivers drive with a dashcam, so his behavior is on camera. i had a good feeling about the encounter and that they were going to definitely take care of the situation. two months later, when i was browsing facebook kind of boredly one day, the company’s name was recommended in my search, and just for the hell of it i clicked and looked at their page for the first time in two months. one of the very first photos/posts i saw from just a day ago showed a big group of their employees huddled together in their company yard, with some kind of tag about a project they just completed. to my horror, i saw the employee who shouted at my son in the group, grinning widely. meaning they didn’t fire him. the company is part of a nationwide chain, so i called their corporate headquarters, was connected to the highest person i could get to, and i reported the incident to them, and complained about how they didn’t fire him. the man i spoke to sounded **disgusted**, way, way more so than the previous person i’d reported him to, apologized profusely, and thanked me very much for telling him. additionally, he made multiple statements about how racists and bigots have “no place” and “no future” in his company, giving me a strong feeling the offending employee’s career is now toast. was it right of me to “double-report” this guy? i’m sure he was given at least some consequence the first time around (if not fired) and wonder if some might argue that i was going too far or being vindictive by reporting him again. am i an asshole or a “karen” for not dropping this matter? [/INST] nta - dude deserves worse than losing his job for using that kind of racist language with a fucking child. good on you. i hope his life is hell. </s>
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AITA for "tricking" my copycat sister to cut her hair?
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i have a younger sister who looks exactly like me. i am 19 and she is 16, but people have been mistakening us as twins for some time because of how close we resemble each other. we have same height, same skin tone, similar voice even.
she also has a habit of being a copycat, from way of dressing to hobbies, even piercings. i know, its cute if you look it from the outside, sisters dressing and looking so alike that they are spitting images of each other.
honestly though, it's annoying and creeps me out sometimes, like yeah, we are quite close too but why does she always happen to pick up everything i pick up??
i have been asking her to stop that, but she always insist that she really just finds it suiting her liking that she just had to try it herself by getting similar, if not identical things that i have.
one afternoon i was tidying up some costumes in my college showroom and found a rather cute brown and pink wig, looks like mushroom. i put it on, think it looks rather funny so i snapped a picture of it and posted in my instagram.
i received a text from my sister asking if i really cut my hair(i did not mention it was a wig). the ah part is - while i somewhat have a feeling that she might copy that too, i lied and replied yes, i want a change of style.
i went home when weekends came and lo and behold - my sister emerged with the same silly brown and pink bob cut, except this one is her permanent hair.
she was very surprised that i arrived with my hair still long, then realized that i lied to her. she was furious that she had to cut that silly hairstyle because she thought i had it, but truth be told, i never asked her to. she should have seen it in my picture that that hairstyle look super silly and yet she still tried to cut her hair that way.
our parents think that it was a really bad joke and wanted me to cut my hair too to make it up to her(i wonder why did they not stop her in the first place). while i feel sorry for her, i am somewhat glad that at least she won't be able to copy my hairstyle now with her hair so short so i am keeping my hair long.
| 29,942 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hwcqu8/aita_for_tricking_my_copycat_sister_to_cut_her/
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2020-07-23 09:34:16
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nta. not your fault if she did it, especially if she claims she isn't copying you and it is just "coincidence". your parents should know better than to say you should cut your hair.
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your parents expected you to cut your hair to be **fair**? that's weird.
sure, your lie was a bit of an ah move, but at some point your sister needs to develop her own sense of style. nta.
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nta.
you caught her red handed. she literally became angry because she couldn’t have your identity anymore.
might be worth discussing therapy for her with your parents though.
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nta after all, she only copies your ideas because she honestly feels they suit her. you gave her an idea, that is all. she claimed to like it. your parents are encouraging very bad behavior by pressuring you.
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nta
your parents: if your sister jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?
your sister, voice fading as she plummets into the abyss: "what was that? all i heard was my sister jumped off a bridge"
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your parents are the biggest assholes to ask you to cut your hair too. i think you are nta and nor is your sister for copying you. but your sister is an asshole for not taking responsibility of her own actions, as you clearly didn’t ask her to do it.
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nta.
it sounds extreme, but i really think op is dealing with some weird family dynamics.
>our parents think that it was a really bad joke and wanted me to cut my hair too to to make it up to her(i wonder why did they not stop her in the first place)
parent's are ta for either enabling or encouraging little sisters behavior. it's one thing to look up to your older siblings, it's another to adopt their physical persoa all of the time.
op- someone else commented here you may want to take this to therapy. i agree. this is creepy, and you know it. get a professional perspective. some distance between the two of you may be a good idea as well.
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esh a small bit.
your sister is copying you, very likely, because she looks up to you and admires you. i understand why that's annoying but girl...c'mon. you knew she would cut her hair. you knew exactly what she would do and please don't pretend otherwise. and that was a shitty thing to do when you knew what the result would likely be. you took a very immature path when you could have just said "it's a wig".
now, that's not to say her cutting her hair was a brilliant idea. if she didn't like it herself, she shouldn't have cut it. she's 16 and really needs to make her own decisions. but she doesn't. while she may look up to you, she's old enough to understand that she shouldn't blindly copy people. she's also being immature for a 16 year old.
your parents need to help her be an individual, not ask you to cut your hair too. that doesn't really prove much. and excuse me but that's fucking stupid.
why haven't you sat down and talked to her? not "omg you're so annoying, why do you do this???" but an actual conversation like she's a human with feelings? because either you or your parents should be sitting down with your sister and helping her be an individual and help her understand that she doesn't need to do as you do to look up to you or be like you. i mean, that's what non-assholes would do. talk about it and help each other.
y'all need to grow up.
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nta your parents seem to be actively complicit in this copycat behavior. have you ever brought that up with them?
either way, your sister is the one who decided that it was more important to look like you even after you’d asked her to knock it off than to worry that her head looks like a mushroom.
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nta - that's hilarious! maybe your sister will think twice before copying you again... they've got to learn somehow!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.010125 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i have a younger sister who looks exactly like me. i am 19 and she is 16, but people have been mistakening us as twins for some time because of how close we resemble each other. we have same height, same skin tone, similar voice even. she also has a habit of being a copycat, from way of dressing to hobbies, even piercings. i know, its cute if you look it from the outside, sisters dressing and looking so alike that they are spitting images of each other. honestly though, it's annoying and creeps me out sometimes, like yeah, we are quite close too but why does she always happen to pick up everything i pick up?? i have been asking her to stop that, but she always insist that she really just finds it suiting her liking that she just had to try it herself by getting similar, if not identical things that i have. one afternoon i was tidying up some costumes in my college showroom and found a rather cute brown and pink wig, looks like mushroom. i put it on, think it looks rather funny so i snapped a picture of it and posted in my instagram. i received a text from my sister asking if i really cut my hair(i did not mention it was a wig). the ah part is - while i somewhat have a feeling that she might copy that too, i lied and replied yes, i want a change of style. i went home when weekends came and lo and behold - my sister emerged with the same silly brown and pink bob cut, except this one is her permanent hair. she was very surprised that i arrived with my hair still long, then realized that i lied to her. she was furious that she had to cut that silly hairstyle because she thought i had it, but truth be told, i never asked her to. she should have seen it in my picture that that hairstyle look super silly and yet she still tried to cut her hair that way. our parents think that it was a really bad joke and wanted me to cut my hair too to make it up to her(i wonder why did they not stop her in the first place). while i feel sorry for her, i am somewhat glad that at least she won't be able to copy my hairstyle now with her hair so short so i am keeping my hair long.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i have a younger sister who looks exactly like me. i am 19 and she is 16, but people have been mistakening us as twins for some time because of how close we resemble each other. we have same height, same skin tone, similar voice even. she also has a habit of being a copycat, from way of dressing to hobbies, even piercings. i know, its cute if you look it from the outside, sisters dressing and looking so alike that they are spitting images of each other. honestly though, it's annoying and creeps me out sometimes, like yeah, we are quite close too but why does she always happen to pick up everything i pick up?? i have been asking her to stop that, but she always insist that she really just finds it suiting her liking that she just had to try it herself by getting similar, if not identical things that i have. one afternoon i was tidying up some costumes in my college showroom and found a rather cute brown and pink wig, looks like mushroom. i put it on, think it looks rather funny so i snapped a picture of it and posted in my instagram. i received a text from my sister asking if i really cut my hair(i did not mention it was a wig). the ah part is - while i somewhat have a feeling that she might copy that too, i lied and replied yes, i want a change of style. i went home when weekends came and lo and behold - my sister emerged with the same silly brown and pink bob cut, except this one is her permanent hair. she was very surprised that i arrived with my hair still long, then realized that i lied to her. she was furious that she had to cut that silly hairstyle because she thought i had it, but truth be told, i never asked her to. she should have seen it in my picture that that hairstyle look super silly and yet she still tried to cut her hair that way. our parents think that it was a really bad joke and wanted me to cut my hair too to make it up to her(i wonder why did they not stop her in the first place). while i feel sorry for her, i am somewhat glad that at least she won't be able to copy my hairstyle now with her hair so short so i am keeping my hair long. [/INST] nta. not your fault if she did it, especially if she claims she isn't copying you and it is just "coincidence". your parents should know better than to say you should cut your hair. </s>
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AITA for inviting my sons entire class except for one child because of his autism?
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my sons 10th birthday is next saturday and me and my husband have been planned a party for him. to make sure we gave everyone enough time we got invitations ready 2 weeks in advance and i had my son pass them out friday. we invited every one in his class (he goes to a small private school so there were only 15 kids to invite). except for one child well call david.
the school my son goes to has a program for special needs kids where they are put into a "normal" class once a week. david is a high functioning autistic child who was put in my sons class to help him socialize and to help the other kids learn to not discriminate against special needs people. from what i know about him and his mother they are just doing their best, and i have nothing against either of them. however, there have been incidents with david before. last year through friends i had heard that david had a meltdown at another party he was invited to. i don't know if i believe it but parents who were there say that it was because he wanted to open presents like the birthday boy and when told no freaked out. there are other logistical problems as well (the party will be in a loud arcade) so in the end i decided to not invite david.
well, after my son passed the invitations word spread around that we had excluded the special needs child in his class. this got back to davids mother who called me last night and confronted me about this. she told me that i am awful for excluding her son and that i'm teaching my son to discriminate. when i brought up the logistics and the past incident she told me that i'm an asshole for assuming what her son can and cant do before hanging up. i woke up this morning to a passive aggressive post by her and many other parents are siding with her.
i just want my son to have a good party and didn't mean anything by this. aita?
| 17,998 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dufzum/aita_for_inviting_my_sons_entire_class_except_for/
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2019-11-10 19:25:48
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yta
look, i understand your concern about the meltdown. but you could have spoken to his parents beforehand about the environment and potential ways to mitigate that; you could have spoken to your son's teacher to see if s/he has advice for how david is in group situations. you don't even know how his behavior may have improved over the past year specifically because of being included socially. this would have been a good chance to teach your son to include people, and instead you taught him it's okay to exclude someone if their disability makes your fun time slightly more difficult.
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yta. this happened to my son a lot when he was younger. it's hurtful to deliberately exclude with no warning. for anything my son was invited to i would either go and stay with him, leaving early if needs be, or if i checked out the venue in advance and thought it wouldn't be practical i would decline the invite but say thank you. excluding on the basis of a disability isn't something to teach your child. you could have discussed it with his teachers first if nothing else.
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> david is a high functioning autistic child who was put in my sons class to help him socialize and to help the other kids learn to not discriminate against special needs people.
.... yta, and you are showing your son exactly how to discriminate against a special needs person.
there are other avenues you could have taken. you could have talked to david's mother directly and come up with a game plan on if david had an incident at the party. you could even have asked her if it was a good idea to have david there, and if it wasn't, given david the invite anyway and have the mother come up with a reason that david couldn't attend, thus limiting a possible reaction to david's own home.
it's sad that the school is trying to teach your son and his classmates lessons on acceptance and you are throwing that all to the wind.
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i don't know if you're the asshole or not.. but i have a feeling you're going to get destroyed on here for this
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yta.
several things for you to think about:
1. your son is in the same classroom, so he is the one who has to face this other kid. you're putting your son in an incredibly difficult situation because of that.
1. your son won't be able to avoid people different from him as he grows, so you missed an awesome opportunity to teach him about inclusion, diversity, and how to make accommodations for others' needs.
1. consider if this was a member of your family instead of a classmate. would you also have excluded them or would you have made them feel welcome?
1. there were many options other than just not inviting the child. for instance, you could have reached out to the parents, explained the venue, and asked if their son would need any accommodations to attend. chances are, they may have declined (assuming the loud arcade is an issue), but boy, they would have been *thrilled* to have been asked.
in short, you aren't a terrible person, but you have a lot of soul searching to do and think about how you treat others and how you're raising your child as well. it's not too late to make it right, but you are going to have a lot of work to do to mend this.
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yta for three reasons:
1. believing and acting on a rumor about a 10 year old's behavior a year ago
2. inviting *every child but one,* a behavior practically calculated to cause hurt feelings, for anything but very serious reasons.
3. making it clear that your exclusion is based not just on his behavior but on his autism, by titling this post "because of his autism" and spending half the post focused on his special ed history rather than on his actual character or behavior. that brings this out of the realm of mere petty gossiping and into the realm of actual bigotry
you're the asshole, and you should sit down with your kid and explain that you made a big mistake in not inviting this kid, that you're not perfect, and that you'll strive to do better in the futur (as should he).
also, if you throw a birthday party for 10 year olds and one of them has a meltdown, that is not the end of the world.
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yta. because only kids on the spectrum have meltdowns? never happens otherwise? kids. party. meltdowns. very rare...right... good you kept that awful weird potentially unseemly kid that has feelings out. we wouldn't want him to taint your home with his cooties. /s/
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yta. you’ve just taught your child to make assumptions about people with disabilities. great job.
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yta. how cruel. yeah, it's your party. you can invite who you want. but how fucking cruel. if you don't want the autistic kid to come, then only invite a few kids from the class. but to invite everyone except him? that's monstrous.
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100% yta. if you really cared about david's wellbeing at the party you could have contacted his mother to understand how to help him. his mom's right in saying you can't just assume what's best for david as you've only heard rumors. you're discriminating against this kid and using fake empathy as an excuse for it.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my sons 10th birthday is next saturday and me and my husband have been planned a party for him. to make sure we gave everyone enough time we got invitations ready 2 weeks in advance and i had my son pass them out friday. we invited every one in his class (he goes to a small private school so there were only 15 kids to invite). except for one child well call david. the school my son goes to has a program for special needs kids where they are put into a "normal" class once a week. david is a high functioning autistic child who was put in my sons class to help him socialize and to help the other kids learn to not discriminate against special needs people. from what i know about him and his mother they are just doing their best, and i have nothing against either of them. however, there have been incidents with david before. last year through friends i had heard that david had a meltdown at another party he was invited to. i don't know if i believe it but parents who were there say that it was because he wanted to open presents like the birthday boy and when told no freaked out. there are other logistical problems as well (the party will be in a loud arcade) so in the end i decided to not invite david. well, after my son passed the invitations word spread around that we had excluded the special needs child in his class. this got back to davids mother who called me last night and confronted me about this. she told me that i am awful for excluding her son and that i'm teaching my son to discriminate. when i brought up the logistics and the past incident she told me that i'm an asshole for assuming what her son can and cant do before hanging up. i woke up this morning to a passive aggressive post by her and many other parents are siding with her. i just want my son to have a good party and didn't mean anything by this. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my sons 10th birthday is next saturday and me and my husband have been planned a party for him. to make sure we gave everyone enough time we got invitations ready 2 weeks in advance and i had my son pass them out friday. we invited every one in his class (he goes to a small private school so there were only 15 kids to invite). except for one child well call david. the school my son goes to has a program for special needs kids where they are put into a "normal" class once a week. david is a high functioning autistic child who was put in my sons class to help him socialize and to help the other kids learn to not discriminate against special needs people. from what i know about him and his mother they are just doing their best, and i have nothing against either of them. however, there have been incidents with david before. last year through friends i had heard that david had a meltdown at another party he was invited to. i don't know if i believe it but parents who were there say that it was because he wanted to open presents like the birthday boy and when told no freaked out. there are other logistical problems as well (the party will be in a loud arcade) so in the end i decided to not invite david. well, after my son passed the invitations word spread around that we had excluded the special needs child in his class. this got back to davids mother who called me last night and confronted me about this. she told me that i am awful for excluding her son and that i'm teaching my son to discriminate. when i brought up the logistics and the past incident she told me that i'm an asshole for assuming what her son can and cant do before hanging up. i woke up this morning to a passive aggressive post by her and many other parents are siding with her. i just want my son to have a good party and didn't mean anything by this. aita? [/INST] yta look, i understand your concern about the meltdown. but you could have spoken to his parents beforehand about the environment and potential ways to mitigate that; you could have spoken to your son's teacher to see if s/he has advice for how david is in group situations. you don't even know how his behavior may have improved over the past year specifically because of being included socially. this would have been a good chance to teach your son to include people, and instead you taught him it's okay to exclude someone if their disability makes your fun time slightly more difficult. </s>
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AITA for not inviting my kid's whole class to his birthday party?
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i(28f) am a mother of a wonderful 8 years old son. this whole thing happened last april, but i am still getting complaints. so here i am asking strangers for a judgement on the internet.
so last year was my kid's first year in "big kids' school" like he calls it, since his first grade coincided with the pandemic. we are not in the best place financially; like most families, our consumer debt piled on and we are throwing every spare cent at it.
so when it was time to throw him a party, i only invited 5 of his classmates, the ones he considered his friends. for the others i sent 2 dozen cupcakes and juice boxes to class.
the invites were delivered to their houses and not in front of the other kids.
like i said, money was tight so i got creative. i made 9 small cakes (box cakes, vanilla, chocolate and funfetti), buttercream in different colours. also made big sugar cookies and different coloured frosting and sprinkles. and finally bought tortillas, made pizza sauce and had a variety of toppings. i asked that the kids bring swimsuits and water guns.
we had a make your own pizza station for lunch, then they played with their water guns. then they decorated their cakes and finally their cookies to take home with them. that was a saturday.
well the next monday, the kids would not stop raving about how fun the party was, how it was the best birthday party ever. the other kids were not happy to not be invited.
at pick up tuesday, a couple moms confronted me about not inviting their kids. i said that i am sorry, but it was a small party for his close friends only. they kept complaining about me excluding their kids.
i didn't take it seriously then, but now it is a new school year, almost 6 month later, and i am still getting the occasional comment thrown at me. so aita?
| 22,949 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wy7cud/aita_for_not_inviting_my_kids_whole_class_to_his/
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2022-08-26 12:01:52
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nta. you invited five children. i am honestly boggled at any parents that think it’s okay to confront you about the fact their child was not invited. that is absurd honestly.
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nta. i wouldn’t invite the whole class either. they loved it because it was different. and if nobody’s told you of late, you’re an awesome mum xx
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nta. teacher opinion here- as long as the invites were given outside of school (which you stated they were) then you’re fine. it’s one thing to give specific students invitations in front of everyone but you can’t control what kids are going to talk about 🤷🏼♀️
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i have never ever heard of a birthday party involving the whole class. those complaining are just jealous and think their kid is entitled to all the birthday parties. nta
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well, if you only excluded one or two they're going to feel left out... oh, you didn't.
well, you shouldn't hand out the invitations in school... oh you didn't.
those are the only two reasons that might tip you to the ah side of things.
nta
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nta. you did everything right. you sent treats for the class, you sent invitations to private homes rather than inviting kids at school, and it sounds like you gave your son a fantastic, creative party on a shoestring budget. you’re a good mom. you can’t control that the party was such fun that the kids still wanted to talk about it on monday, and you are under no obligation to invite everyone in the class over to your home.
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nta for throwing your son a wholesome and creative party. you’re not obligated to invite the whole class.
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nta, it's crazy how fucking entitled some parents are and i'm sorry you had to deal with that
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nta, maybe i'm just not familiar with this aspect of american culture, but why would you want kids you don't consider your friends to be in your birthday party? or why would i want to be invited to a birthday party of a kid from class i barely know? i say the party eas better the way you did it
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unless im missing something, nta at all. you have every right to determine the budget and activities for your kid and his close friends. the moms who are bitching need to grow up and teach their children the world doesn’t revolve around them. good on you for coming up with such a fun party day that the kiddos were raving about it! their mothers should take notes instead of making you feel guilty!
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i(28f) am a mother of a wonderful 8 years old son. this whole thing happened last april, but i am still getting complaints. so here i am asking strangers for a judgement on the internet. so last year was my kid's first year in "big kids' school" like he calls it, since his first grade coincided with the pandemic. we are not in the best place financially; like most families, our consumer debt piled on and we are throwing every spare cent at it. so when it was time to throw him a party, i only invited 5 of his classmates, the ones he considered his friends. for the others i sent 2 dozen cupcakes and juice boxes to class. the invites were delivered to their houses and not in front of the other kids. like i said, money was tight so i got creative. i made 9 small cakes (box cakes, vanilla, chocolate and funfetti), buttercream in different colours. also made big sugar cookies and different coloured frosting and sprinkles. and finally bought tortillas, made pizza sauce and had a variety of toppings. i asked that the kids bring swimsuits and water guns. we had a make your own pizza station for lunch, then they played with their water guns. then they decorated their cakes and finally their cookies to take home with them. that was a saturday. well the next monday, the kids would not stop raving about how fun the party was, how it was the best birthday party ever. the other kids were not happy to not be invited. at pick up tuesday, a couple moms confronted me about not inviting their kids. i said that i am sorry, but it was a small party for his close friends only. they kept complaining about me excluding their kids. i didn't take it seriously then, but now it is a new school year, almost 6 month later, and i am still getting the occasional comment thrown at me. so aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i(28f) am a mother of a wonderful 8 years old son. this whole thing happened last april, but i am still getting complaints. so here i am asking strangers for a judgement on the internet. so last year was my kid's first year in "big kids' school" like he calls it, since his first grade coincided with the pandemic. we are not in the best place financially; like most families, our consumer debt piled on and we are throwing every spare cent at it. so when it was time to throw him a party, i only invited 5 of his classmates, the ones he considered his friends. for the others i sent 2 dozen cupcakes and juice boxes to class. the invites were delivered to their houses and not in front of the other kids. like i said, money was tight so i got creative. i made 9 small cakes (box cakes, vanilla, chocolate and funfetti), buttercream in different colours. also made big sugar cookies and different coloured frosting and sprinkles. and finally bought tortillas, made pizza sauce and had a variety of toppings. i asked that the kids bring swimsuits and water guns. we had a make your own pizza station for lunch, then they played with their water guns. then they decorated their cakes and finally their cookies to take home with them. that was a saturday. well the next monday, the kids would not stop raving about how fun the party was, how it was the best birthday party ever. the other kids were not happy to not be invited. at pick up tuesday, a couple moms confronted me about not inviting their kids. i said that i am sorry, but it was a small party for his close friends only. they kept complaining about me excluding their kids. i didn't take it seriously then, but now it is a new school year, almost 6 month later, and i am still getting the occasional comment thrown at me. so aita? [/INST] nta. you invited five children. i am honestly boggled at any parents that think it’s okay to confront you about the fact their child was not invited. that is absurd honestly. </s>
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AITA for telling my sibs I sold our childhood home when I didn't, just to get them out?
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ok so i'm the youngest of five and this mess only revolves around me (f29), my just older sis (f31) and our older bro (m36). two older sisters aren't part of this thankfully.
ok so i currently live with my gf at what was my grandma's home. but i bought said home from mom a bit back for cheap (the house wasn't pristine and i've sunk a few thousand into it already and it's looking better). well my mom lived in our childhood home with 31 y/o sis and bro for the last... forever. (two oldest sisters live in diff states) ys and bro never moved out for longer than a year each before moving back. both are absolute slobs who refuse to clean up after themselves. and they made our mom clean up after them. she couldn't stand mess and would clean just so she wouldn't have to live in filth. eventually she (in her 60s) couldn't stand to live there anymore so i asked her to come live with me.
they essentially drove our mother out of her own home because they were slobs.
well she lived with me happily (my house is clean and she didn't have to work and just enjoyed her time in the garden) but she passed away not too long ago. i've barely been coping because out of all of my siblings i was closest with our mom. our personalities just meshed well. whereas my siblings didn't. she loved them (she wouldn't have cared for them for so long if she didn't) but they stressed her out unbelievably.
well i found out our mom left her house to me only. she left each of my sibs some money but the house and everything of hers in it is now mine. my sibs who live in that house didn't like it and pitched a fit. said i 'manipulated mom at her weakest' into getting the house when they should have gotten it. i told them to go to hell and the only reason it probably got left to me is because mom knew i'd at least remember to pay the property tax each year so the house wouldn't get taken. neither of them pay any bills (save for their phone bills...) so she probs doubted they'd keep the house long if she gave it to them.
well they expected me to follow in mom's footsteps and pay all the bills there for them. i laughed and told them that going forward they'd be paying rent and all utilities if they wanted to stay there and they'd need to keep the place clean or they were out. they flipped their shit and screamed that it was their childhood home and i couldn't do this! i said the deed is in my name so i very much can.
i sent them a letter that basically said they can either pay rent or they'd be out. they refused so i sent them another letter saying they had 30 days to vacate the premises because i'd sold the house. they went apeshit but they didn't have a leg to stand on so they bailed. i've since cleaned up the place (it looked like a drug den and cost a lot to deep clean and fix stuff) and am renting it out to a nice asian couple who have lots of exotic fish.
told some friends i lied about selling the house and they said it was an asshole move. aita?
**
| 21,022 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k6krsq/aita_for_telling_my_sibs_i_sold_our_childhood/
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2020-12-04 13:21:52
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nta big time. i’m glad your gamble worked out for you, getting people out of a house can be a huge hassle.
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nta
it sounds like you gave them the legally required notice to vacate, and with good reason. for all they know, the sale fell through at the last minute. hey, it happens...
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i don’t know why the exotic fish part amused me so much, but it did
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nta
i do however recommend forming an llc to “own” the house. if i do a public record search with the street address it’ll tell me who owns the house and with further digging i can find out where you live. all of this is public record.
if an llc owns the house then on public record it’ll just say owned by “northeast property group” (fake name, you can name it whatever you want). my family has done this in the past to protect themselves from spiteful tenants who get kicked to the curb.
“i’m not the owner, it’s owned by “northeast property group”. i didn’t evict you, someone from “northeast property group” did. “
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nta. being responsible can seem only seems like an evil act to those who are extremely insecure.
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nta. for all they know, the sale didn't go through and you decided to rent it out instead. very well played.
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nta - of course you weren't ta. your siblings were terrible for not keeping the place clean and upsetting your mother when she was alive.
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nta. the siblings had it coming. a small lie to save yourself years of trouble from those moochers
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nta. lying us wrong blah blah blah but in this case i think its justified. they'd never leave otherwise
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nta based on your side of the story, pretty obviously so.
why were your siblings so hopelessly unable to care for themselves? were they disabled in some way? i could imagine a retelling of this from a perspective where they’re struggling with medical issues/medical bills and getting kicked out of their only refuge in the midst of a pandemic. again no idea what their deal is, it just seems odd your siblings are so one-dimensionally stupid and helpless in your version of things.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: ok so i'm the youngest of five and this mess only revolves around me (f29), my just older sis (f31) and our older bro (m36). two older sisters aren't part of this thankfully. ok so i currently live with my gf at what was my grandma's home. but i bought said home from mom a bit back for cheap (the house wasn't pristine and i've sunk a few thousand into it already and it's looking better). well my mom lived in our childhood home with 31 y/o sis and bro for the last... forever. (two oldest sisters live in diff states) ys and bro never moved out for longer than a year each before moving back. both are absolute slobs who refuse to clean up after themselves. and they made our mom clean up after them. she couldn't stand mess and would clean just so she wouldn't have to live in filth. eventually she (in her 60s) couldn't stand to live there anymore so i asked her to come live with me. they essentially drove our mother out of her own home because they were slobs. well she lived with me happily (my house is clean and she didn't have to work and just enjoyed her time in the garden) but she passed away not too long ago. i've barely been coping because out of all of my siblings i was closest with our mom. our personalities just meshed well. whereas my siblings didn't. she loved them (she wouldn't have cared for them for so long if she didn't) but they stressed her out unbelievably. well i found out our mom left her house to me only. she left each of my sibs some money but the house and everything of hers in it is now mine. my sibs who live in that house didn't like it and pitched a fit. said i 'manipulated mom at her weakest' into getting the house when they should have gotten it. i told them to go to hell and the only reason it probably got left to me is because mom knew i'd at least remember to pay the property tax each year so the house wouldn't get taken. neither of them pay any bills (save for their phone bills...) so she probs doubted they'd keep the house long if she gave it to them. well they expected me to follow in mom's footsteps and pay all the bills there for them. i laughed and told them that going forward they'd be paying rent and all utilities if they wanted to stay there and they'd need to keep the place clean or they were out. they flipped their shit and screamed that it was their childhood home and i couldn't do this! i said the deed is in my name so i very much can. i sent them a letter that basically said they can either pay rent or they'd be out. they refused so i sent them another letter saying they had 30 days to vacate the premises because i'd sold the house. they went apeshit but they didn't have a leg to stand on so they bailed. i've since cleaned up the place (it looked like a drug den and cost a lot to deep clean and fix stuff) and am renting it out to a nice asian couple who have lots of exotic fish. told some friends i lied about selling the house and they said it was an asshole move. aita? **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
ok so i'm the youngest of five and this mess only revolves around me (f29), my just older sis (f31) and our older bro (m36). two older sisters aren't part of this thankfully. ok so i currently live with my gf at what was my grandma's home. but i bought said home from mom a bit back for cheap (the house wasn't pristine and i've sunk a few thousand into it already and it's looking better). well my mom lived in our childhood home with 31 y/o sis and bro for the last... forever. (two oldest sisters live in diff states) ys and bro never moved out for longer than a year each before moving back. both are absolute slobs who refuse to clean up after themselves. and they made our mom clean up after them. she couldn't stand mess and would clean just so she wouldn't have to live in filth. eventually she (in her 60s) couldn't stand to live there anymore so i asked her to come live with me. they essentially drove our mother out of her own home because they were slobs. well she lived with me happily (my house is clean and she didn't have to work and just enjoyed her time in the garden) but she passed away not too long ago. i've barely been coping because out of all of my siblings i was closest with our mom. our personalities just meshed well. whereas my siblings didn't. she loved them (she wouldn't have cared for them for so long if she didn't) but they stressed her out unbelievably. well i found out our mom left her house to me only. she left each of my sibs some money but the house and everything of hers in it is now mine. my sibs who live in that house didn't like it and pitched a fit. said i 'manipulated mom at her weakest' into getting the house when they should have gotten it. i told them to go to hell and the only reason it probably got left to me is because mom knew i'd at least remember to pay the property tax each year so the house wouldn't get taken. neither of them pay any bills (save for their phone bills...) so she probs doubted they'd keep the house long if she gave it to them. well they expected me to follow in mom's footsteps and pay all the bills there for them. i laughed and told them that going forward they'd be paying rent and all utilities if they wanted to stay there and they'd need to keep the place clean or they were out. they flipped their shit and screamed that it was their childhood home and i couldn't do this! i said the deed is in my name so i very much can. i sent them a letter that basically said they can either pay rent or they'd be out. they refused so i sent them another letter saying they had 30 days to vacate the premises because i'd sold the house. they went apeshit but they didn't have a leg to stand on so they bailed. i've since cleaned up the place (it looked like a drug den and cost a lot to deep clean and fix stuff) and am renting it out to a nice asian couple who have lots of exotic fish. told some friends i lied about selling the house and they said it was an asshole move. aita? ** [/INST] nta big time. i’m glad your gamble worked out for you, getting people out of a house can be a huge hassle. </s>
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AITA for banning my siblings from being around my daughter unless they use her name, which "triggers" them?
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my mom had me pretty late in life, so i really didn't grow up with my siblings. i guess she wasn't a good mom the first time around, very neurotic and controlling, and she wanted a do over baby. i mean i've heard some horror stories about her, and she can be kind of a narc in general, but i love my mom. i had a baby girl six months ago and named her kalia, in honor of my mom, lia.
my older siblings were pissed. my brother kept making comments about that poor baby, and why didn't i just name her jezebel. his wife was annoyed about how she is automatically going to be the favorite, and my sister took it the worst. she got very mad at me, saying my mom doesn't deserve that and it isn't fair.
despite the weird dynamic with our mom, we do get along for the most part. they are always nice to kalia, but they call her k or baby. i really don't like k and i want her called kalia. i brought it up nicely and my brother said he can't say the word lia without wanting to gag, and my sister said it makes her mad every time she says it. i said i'm sorry, but it is her name.
they continue to call her k, which my mom has picked up on, and it hurts her, but most importantly it isn't her name. kalia is her own person and has nothing to do with whatever my mom did years ago. i finally told them if they can't call her by her name, they can't be around her, so i won't be inviting them to my house or letting them have much of an aunt/uncle roll. my brother said ok, but my sister got mad and said i'm being insensitive.
| 6,499 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k2auer/aita_for_banning_my_siblings_from_being_around_my/
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2020-11-27 22:12:13
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yta.
it is pretty clear your mom was abusive to them, and you are forcing them to say the name of their abuser.
pick a nickname you don’t hate, and have a little sympathy for their very different experience
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yta for not recognizing the years of trauma that were apparently inflicted on your siblings and then playing dumb at why they're worked up over a "name." forcing people to either be constantly reminded of their abuser/tormentor or cutting them out of aunt/uncle duties is fucked. i get that you had a more favorable time with your mom. what about your siblings using a middle name as a compromise, or something?
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calling her baby is kinda dumb, but i dont see the issue with kay? people use shortened names all the time and they have a pretty valid reason.
if you want to deprive them of your baby over something so trivial go ahead, but that means twp less loving adults for your baby to bond to. is it really wprth losing that over them shortening her name?
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yta. look at the little golden child. lucky you not being abused. to be honest i don’t know why your siblings bother with you or your mother you ‘honour’so much.
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yta
your siblings dont have a “weird dynamic” with your mom she abused them. she’s their abuser. you keep acting like a person who sounds like she made their childhood he’ll, is someone they should be treating better. idk why you think she deserves their forgiveness
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yta and of course little miss favorite child doesn't understand! abusers don't always abuse everone around them!
> which my mom has picked up on, and it hurts her,
oh so you care how the abuser feels? what a surprise!!!
>. i finally told them if they can't call her by her name, they can't be around her, so i won't be inviting them to my house or letting them have much of an aunt/uncle roll.
they treated your child well, they wanted to have a relationship. but since they couldn't get over their trauma, you'd rather your child have no aunt's or uncle's? then it's obvious you never cared about your relationship with your sibling's, you wanted what you wanted, when you wanted it and you don't care who you hurt. they're better off without you
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honestly yta. if your mother was a bad mother and mistreated them, i can see why they’d be upset about you honoring their abuser. i don’t see why it’s such a big deal that they use a nickname.
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kalia means black snake in hindi
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yta you named your baby after the person who abused your siblings. when you take the side of an abuser that kind of makes you an asshole. and then you are making a relationship with your siblings conditional on them going along with it, when a nickname is a reasonable compromise.
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~~esh - you clearly don't care much for the sort of hardships your siblings went through with your mother before her grand 'reformation' when she had you, so you sweeping it under the rug is a sucky thing to do. that being said, them taking it out on a child who has a similar name to their mother is a sucky thing to do as well, and awfully petty of them, but then i suspect that's more to do with underlining issues they may have had with you since you were born, but who can really say?~~
~~either way this is all a mess, but you're entitled to protect your kid from the obvious unfavorable treatment she's getting from her aunt and uncle.~~
&#x200b;
yta because i realize now that your siblings were really only doing it as a short-term solution to their very genuine anxiety over your mother. you should be trying to help them but instead you're trying to pretend none of these problems exist because you didn't experience them, and not to mention you're punishing them by not letting them see their niece.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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ESH
| 0.000646 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my mom had me pretty late in life, so i really didn't grow up with my siblings. i guess she wasn't a good mom the first time around, very neurotic and controlling, and she wanted a do over baby. i mean i've heard some horror stories about her, and she can be kind of a narc in general, but i love my mom. i had a baby girl six months ago and named her kalia, in honor of my mom, lia. my older siblings were pissed. my brother kept making comments about that poor baby, and why didn't i just name her jezebel. his wife was annoyed about how she is automatically going to be the favorite, and my sister took it the worst. she got very mad at me, saying my mom doesn't deserve that and it isn't fair. despite the weird dynamic with our mom, we do get along for the most part. they are always nice to kalia, but they call her k or baby. i really don't like k and i want her called kalia. i brought it up nicely and my brother said he can't say the word lia without wanting to gag, and my sister said it makes her mad every time she says it. i said i'm sorry, but it is her name. they continue to call her k, which my mom has picked up on, and it hurts her, but most importantly it isn't her name. kalia is her own person and has nothing to do with whatever my mom did years ago. i finally told them if they can't call her by her name, they can't be around her, so i won't be inviting them to my house or letting them have much of an aunt/uncle roll. my brother said ok, but my sister got mad and said i'm being insensitive.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my mom had me pretty late in life, so i really didn't grow up with my siblings. i guess she wasn't a good mom the first time around, very neurotic and controlling, and she wanted a do over baby. i mean i've heard some horror stories about her, and she can be kind of a narc in general, but i love my mom. i had a baby girl six months ago and named her kalia, in honor of my mom, lia. my older siblings were pissed. my brother kept making comments about that poor baby, and why didn't i just name her jezebel. his wife was annoyed about how she is automatically going to be the favorite, and my sister took it the worst. she got very mad at me, saying my mom doesn't deserve that and it isn't fair. despite the weird dynamic with our mom, we do get along for the most part. they are always nice to kalia, but they call her k or baby. i really don't like k and i want her called kalia. i brought it up nicely and my brother said he can't say the word lia without wanting to gag, and my sister said it makes her mad every time she says it. i said i'm sorry, but it is her name. they continue to call her k, which my mom has picked up on, and it hurts her, but most importantly it isn't her name. kalia is her own person and has nothing to do with whatever my mom did years ago. i finally told them if they can't call her by her name, they can't be around her, so i won't be inviting them to my house or letting them have much of an aunt/uncle roll. my brother said ok, but my sister got mad and said i'm being insensitive. [/INST] yta. it is pretty clear your mom was abusive to them, and you are forcing them to say the name of their abuser. pick a nickname you don’t hate, and have a little sympathy for their very different experience </s>
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AITA for telling my son it's his fault no one in the family likes him anymore after being an AH?
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throwaway of course.
&#x200b;
not sure if it matters, but i (45f) am married to my husband henry (45m) and we have multiple children together, oldest being my twins christian (17m) and elizabeth (17f). liz was going to turn 15 come january of 2019, and as we are hispanic, it was tradition to hold a quinceñera for a girl on her 15th birthday. christian didn’t even want to go, but i said that wasn’t an option and it stopped there. everything seemed to go smoothly until later on when it was time to escort her into the party. chris did his part but he was not enthusiastic at all. near the end of the night it was time for the dance with liz and her brother, but he did not show up, even after the announcer repeated his name thrice. my daughter was left alone and she started crying and i was absolutely furious. i could not believe he would do this to her. i tried to call his cell but he had blocked me everywhere.
&#x200b;
after getting home, the twins never spoke to each other again. liz adjusted to this just fine. chris however struggled with behavioral issues after that and everyone else in the family distanced themselves from him aside from my brother. i’m not sure what happened, but after this school year came around (sept 2021), he took a complete 180. he had gotten a perfect score in a subject he never once liked or was able to comprehend the material of. his teachers thought he was cheating, honestly, and i confronted him about it. he seemed angry at the question but dismissed it and did not say a word to me. anyway, last night i received an email about senior pictures yesterday and wanted the two to take pictures together, as this was such an important milestone, but liz refused and called him a cheater. chris retorted and called her jealous now that he was better than her at something and he wouldn't want to associate with a shitty family anyway, which made me snap at him. i told him that everyone has put up with his bullshit for so long and he only has himself to blame for no one wanting to interact with him in the family for doing such a horrible thing, and he called me an ah. henry stepped in and we told him that if he felt this way and talked to us this way he wouldn't be allowed in the house anymore. he ended up going to his room and calling his uncle about staying with him, and out of nowhere, my brother starts calling me the asshole and claiming i have always had a clear bias and it was my fault the twins ended up this way, but i firmly reminded him that christian was the one who ruined his sister's party! i don't even have a bias for either of my children. to be honest it's all getting to me at this point, i know it sounds fake, i really wish it was. i really need to know, how am i possibly the ah here?
&#x200b;
ps: there are so many things i could've included but didn't as it would've been too long, but i would be more than willing to clear things up in the comments.
| 4,752 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rdtelr/aita_for_telling_my_son_its_his_fault_no_one_in/
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2021-12-11 06:17:51
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yta for now because of the following parts
* he was 15 and had behavioral issues, and that didn't happen out of nowhere, and instead of getting him the help he needed, you distanced yourself.
* when his mental health got better, you guys accused him of cheating, instead of acknowledging his improved grades.
* you are holding him accountable for something he did was 15, and at the end of the day it was a birthday dance for one night, and then getting mad when your son holds your actions (the bias and the way his accomplishments were not acknowledged) over you.
*
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yta
unless you have evidence, you have no right to accuse your son of cheating (or allowing others to).
he's clearly hurt and, rightly so, he seems to feel left-out of your family by your own actions. where was his huge celebration for turning 15? and, if your response is that he doesn't deserve one because he is a boy, then you've proven him right.
your family needs help mending itself and simply telling him to act happy isn't going to be effective.
he seems to be correct that you've got a shitty family. it's up to you to change that, if it's important to you.
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having read this post and the comments... for a start 100% i believe if he were a girl, y'all would have properly planned a joint coming out culture party, or you would have arranged for them both to have their own parties, and that's just sad. anyway...
* one comment came across as horrified at the idea of possibly throwing a quinceñeros because of gossip - quick google - it's presenting a 15 year old boy to god, family and friends... so, its cultural for your daughter but disgusting and gossip worthy for your son? you care more about image than your own son?
* further googling lead me to stories and ideas on how to throw a quinceñera for twin boy and girl - you on the other hand forced him to attend something he didn't want to. didn't ask him any opinions, didn't try to actually include him as a person in any way.
* they have the same birthday - yet she gets an incredibly expensive and enormous party, he gets the offer of a present same week "if not, the day after".
* they have the same birthday yet he was merely nothing more than a pawn for his sister
* you have tried to force a relationship between the pair of them since kids, and by your own omission, had a relationship with your daughter because you're both girls.
* your other 15 year old child disappeared from that party long before the dance and you didn't care enough to notice.
* you only called him because your plans to force him to be her shadow failed. you show zero concern as to where your other under age child was, or that contact couldn't be made.
* no one else noticed nor cared that a 15 year old child had disappeared either. therefore, none of them would have cared if he wasn't at the party at all. you forced him to attend, and you tried to force him to be a pawn. you ruined her birthday by not letting him enjoy the same birthday day.
* it's not her day, its their day. they are twins. they share the same day.
* if you knew where he was and someone else made contact, you left that info out on purpose. and you still didn't care until it affected your daughter.
* shocked pikachu faces he suffers behaviourally from this, and the response is for everyone but your brother to turn their backs. i bet if it was your daughter she'd be getting the best help you can afford.
* no info on what subject, why he couldn't comprehend it before, and why teachers think he's cheating. just glossed over. on purpose. there's info missing here, either on purpose or because you continued to be an absent presence in his life to even notice his school work.
* instead of trying to find out how and why he's doing better, or god forbid even pretend to be proud, you all accuse him of cheating.
* you start to care again because your daughter has senior pictures and you remembered she has a twin. i imagine you also remembered other people know she's a twin and it'd be "weird" for separate senior pictures because god forbid they be their own people.
* your daughter refuses and there's no mention of "that's not happening and it stopped there" - instead, sibling lash out. instead of being a parent, you jump on the bandwagon and lash out at him too.
* son stands up for himself against the verbal lash out, is told if he continues that he'll be kicked out.
* your own brother calls out your toxic behaviour and tour response is *"but he ruined his sister's day" - they have the same birthday, you ruined his birthday. *
* you comically end the post by saying you don't even have a bias, even though the entire post and every comment is dripping with bias.
* there's longer posts on here, you left out so many things on purpose, because you want us to see your picture, and not the entire picture.
yta, as is your husband for supporting this entire treatment as well as contributing. sadly i think no matter who tries to explain it to you and how, you will refuse to see how you have wronged your son. thank god he has your brother because my god he needed some adult in his life to give a shit.
eta; if anyone did notice and care that he was gone, they either didn't tell you for a reason so they know your heavy favouritism, or they absolutely told you and you left that information out on purpose, like many others. heads up, people read the comments, and you sound even worse.
eta2; so i read another comment that you didn't even know what to get your own child (wtf!? how do you not even know what your own child likes), he could have had anything he wanted, but said no so you didn't get him anything at all for the 15th, 16th or 17th. wow. are you seriously this blind to your own bias?
eta3 - thank you for all the awards kind strangers <3
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yta - your entire family shuns your child and you see no issue with that? he couldn’t have ruined her party if you hadn’t forced him to go. you know he didn’t want to be there or do any of that stuff, and i find it hard to believe it had to be a brother/sister dance. this reads like you do a lot of talking at your son and not a lot of talking to him.
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your son has violent tendencies and behavioural issues after the death of an older sibling, and you're all still holding a grudge about a birthday party near three years ago, even when he's pulled himself together and started doing well, apparently without support from any of the family?
it really sure does sound like you have a bias and i feel bad for your son. yta
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info: do you even like your son?
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yta, what about the big party just for the sister and forgetting him, mexican here and been to at least 3 different families celebrations of 15 for boys, he knows who the favorite child is, all he does seems to be wrong, in a few years you”ll come back asking why he when nc.
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yta. i get it’s cultural but you sidelined him on his own birthday and then held it over him for *years*. i mean you’re an adult, how do you not grasp how childish that is? ofcourse he acted up, you clearly treat him as the lesser of the twins. then when he decides fuck it and succeeds in something you trash all over that? it sounds like his uncle is the only one who actually gives two shits about him.
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holy fuck. i've been a lurker here for months but i just had to make an account just to give you a yta verdict. what is actually wrong with you? i'm a twin and my sister is literally my other half, a twin relationship is one of the most beautiful things, i cant imagine how my life would be without her. and you absolutely ruined any chance of them having something meaningful. good job, you failed as a parent. may they both someday realize you've always compared them against each other and rekindle their sibling relationship. as for you, don't fuck the rest of your children up, and if you want to save this shitshow of a family, actually take the twins to therapy and start showing your son you actually care about him and would prioritize him over others' judgements for once.
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway of course. &#x200b; not sure if it matters, but i (45f) am married to my husband henry (45m) and we have multiple children together, oldest being my twins christian (17m) and elizabeth (17f). liz was going to turn 15 come january of 2019, and as we are hispanic, it was tradition to hold a quinceñera for a girl on her 15th birthday. christian didn’t even want to go, but i said that wasn’t an option and it stopped there. everything seemed to go smoothly until later on when it was time to escort her into the party. chris did his part but he was not enthusiastic at all. near the end of the night it was time for the dance with liz and her brother, but he did not show up, even after the announcer repeated his name thrice. my daughter was left alone and she started crying and i was absolutely furious. i could not believe he would do this to her. i tried to call his cell but he had blocked me everywhere. &#x200b; after getting home, the twins never spoke to each other again. liz adjusted to this just fine. chris however struggled with behavioral issues after that and everyone else in the family distanced themselves from him aside from my brother. i’m not sure what happened, but after this school year came around (sept 2021), he took a complete 180. he had gotten a perfect score in a subject he never once liked or was able to comprehend the material of. his teachers thought he was cheating, honestly, and i confronted him about it. he seemed angry at the question but dismissed it and did not say a word to me. anyway, last night i received an email about senior pictures yesterday and wanted the two to take pictures together, as this was such an important milestone, but liz refused and called him a cheater. chris retorted and called her jealous now that he was better than her at something and he wouldn't want to associate with a shitty family anyway, which made me snap at him. i told him that everyone has put up with his bullshit for so long and he only has himself to blame for no one wanting to interact with him in the family for doing such a horrible thing, and he called me an ah. henry stepped in and we told him that if he felt this way and talked to us this way he wouldn't be allowed in the house anymore. he ended up going to his room and calling his uncle about staying with him, and out of nowhere, my brother starts calling me the asshole and claiming i have always had a clear bias and it was my fault the twins ended up this way, but i firmly reminded him that christian was the one who ruined his sister's party! i don't even have a bias for either of my children. to be honest it's all getting to me at this point, i know it sounds fake, i really wish it was. i really need to know, how am i possibly the ah here? &#x200b; ps: there are so many things i could've included but didn't as it would've been too long, but i would be more than willing to clear things up in the comments.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway of course. &#x200b; not sure if it matters, but i (45f) am married to my husband henry (45m) and we have multiple children together, oldest being my twins christian (17m) and elizabeth (17f). liz was going to turn 15 come january of 2019, and as we are hispanic, it was tradition to hold a quinceñera for a girl on her 15th birthday. christian didn’t even want to go, but i said that wasn’t an option and it stopped there. everything seemed to go smoothly until later on when it was time to escort her into the party. chris did his part but he was not enthusiastic at all. near the end of the night it was time for the dance with liz and her brother, but he did not show up, even after the announcer repeated his name thrice. my daughter was left alone and she started crying and i was absolutely furious. i could not believe he would do this to her. i tried to call his cell but he had blocked me everywhere. &#x200b; after getting home, the twins never spoke to each other again. liz adjusted to this just fine. chris however struggled with behavioral issues after that and everyone else in the family distanced themselves from him aside from my brother. i’m not sure what happened, but after this school year came around (sept 2021), he took a complete 180. he had gotten a perfect score in a subject he never once liked or was able to comprehend the material of. his teachers thought he was cheating, honestly, and i confronted him about it. he seemed angry at the question but dismissed it and did not say a word to me. anyway, last night i received an email about senior pictures yesterday and wanted the two to take pictures together, as this was such an important milestone, but liz refused and called him a cheater. chris retorted and called her jealous now that he was better than her at something and he wouldn't want to associate with a shitty family anyway, which made me snap at him. i told him that everyone has put up with his bullshit for so long and he only has himself to blame for no one wanting to interact with him in the family for doing such a horrible thing, and he called me an ah. henry stepped in and we told him that if he felt this way and talked to us this way he wouldn't be allowed in the house anymore. he ended up going to his room and calling his uncle about staying with him, and out of nowhere, my brother starts calling me the asshole and claiming i have always had a clear bias and it was my fault the twins ended up this way, but i firmly reminded him that christian was the one who ruined his sister's party! i don't even have a bias for either of my children. to be honest it's all getting to me at this point, i know it sounds fake, i really wish it was. i really need to know, how am i possibly the ah here? &#x200b; ps: there are so many things i could've included but didn't as it would've been too long, but i would be more than willing to clear things up in the comments. [/INST] yta for now because of the following parts * he was 15 and had behavioral issues, and that didn't happen out of nowhere, and instead of getting him the help he needed, you distanced yourself. * when his mental health got better, you guys accused him of cheating, instead of acknowledging his improved grades. * you are holding him accountable for something he did was 15, and at the end of the day it was a birthday dance for one night, and then getting mad when your son holds your actions (the bias and the way his accomplishments were not acknowledged) over you. * </s>
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AITA for telling my wife that she should stop constantly expecting appreciation and just get on with her job of being a SAHM?
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i (36m) work full time and my wife (32f) is a sahm looking after our 2 year old twins.
when we got married, we both agreed that my wife would be a sahm, especially since we don't have any family/grandparents nearby. we were both in agreement and my wife made it clear she wanted to enjoy seeing our kids grow up (we don't plan on having any more).
i make a good wage so we are comfortable. i don't give my wife any spending limits (obviously we discuss big purchases) so she is free to buy herself things, i make sure she has access to money and she takes care of everything around the house.
i work from home and a typical day for me is 7am - 5pm. once i finish work, i go and spend time with the twins while my wife makes dinner. we put them to bed together and my wife usually clears up in the kitchen. she is great at her job and the house is spotless. i am happy with this arrangement and i thought my wife was too.
recently, she has been coming to me and saying that she feels burned out, unappreciated and taken for granted. i asked if i could do anything to help and she said that it would be nice if i did something now and again to show that i appreciated her. e.g. buying her favourite bar of chocolate when i go to the shop or something small, just as a gesture of appreciation. i'll admit that i didn't do this, purely because i am not in the habit to be honest.
we recently had a massive argument because my wife got completely fed up with being "treated like a servant". she basically said that her working hours are 5am - 9pm, 7 days a week and that she feels like i take her for granted. i told her that i understand it's a tough job but we both get on with our respective roles. i never ask her to thank me for making money, i think that's cringeworthy. i get on with my job because i have to provide for my family whereas she wants presents and treats for doing her job.
i essentially said this to her and now i'm wondering if i am the asshole - looking after kids and the house is tiring and she does work hard and takes care of everything. but at the same time, do i need to thank her on bended knee and buy her things just for doing her job? aita?
| 7,492 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s7wmgf/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_she_should_stop/
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2022-01-19 18:20:30
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yta. jesus christ, it's really too much to ask to occasionally buy your wife a bar of chocolate or say "thank you"?
it sounds like she is working harder than you, but that isn't even the point. appreciating her and showing her you love her is part of being a decent husband. if you're a robot who doesn't need appreciation, that doesn't mean she has to be too.
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yta it's amazing- it's like your wife wants to treated like a wife and partner, instead of an incubator/nanny/housekeeper.
your wife is telling explicitly what she needs- she needs you to show her that she's appreciated. you are told- in a variety of ways at your job- that you are appreciated, i have no doubt.
your wife expecting that low bar to be met is reasonable.
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yta: correction her hours are not 5am-9pm her hours are 24/7. you don’t get a break from being a mom and you seem not to realize how exhausting it actually is.
as a sahm myself, let me tell you something, a lack of appreciation= a lack of intimacy. i pack my sos lunch, i get a thank you, he sees me doing laundry or dishes he says thank you. is it every single time? no, but it’s enough that i know hey he actually does appreciate what i do for him.
and guess what? when i feel appreciated and cared for it makes me want to do more for him…
why can’t you run her a hot bubble bath? why can’t you get her a snack or flowers? why can’t you do the dishes or cook every once in a while? she keeps that house spotless so when you come home you can relax and not lift a finger. when does she get a break? does she ever get to sleep in? does she get even an hour alone a day?
thank you for the awards, just for saying what should be common sense.
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yikes. you’re gonna get ripped apart on this sub for this. and i’m gonna contribute to that.
first of all, why is it such a bad thing to appreciate your fucking wife? she’s not asking for you to do *anything* that would take more than 10 extra minutes for you. why are you married to someone that you’re so against going out of your way for?
moving on, it seems like you’re looking at this exceptionally defensively. she’s not telling you that you’re a terrible husband and father for not appreciating her. she’s asking for you to do something small for her *once in a while*. the only reason this is a problem is because you think that you shouldn’t have to go the extra mile for her. i’d ask again, *why would you marry someone who you would not go the extra mile for?*
yta.
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yta. dude, c’mon. being a sahm is a 24/7 job. she’s on the clock *constantly*, whereas it sounds like you come home, spend a little time with the kids, put them to bed *with her help*, and then get to relax.
when does she get to relax? has she gotten any time off since the twins were born? have you offered to take care of your own kids for the weekend so she can have some time to herself? i’m guessing no. and that’s not even what she’s asking for. she’s asking for a small token from you so that she can feel appreciated, not a diamond necklace or a new car. she literally asked for a chocolate bar. *a chocolate bar*. why do you care so little for your wife that this is asking too much?
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yta. please listen because this is very important. your wife needs more than you're giving. instead of being defensive about it, please listen to her. she wants to know that you love her, think about her, care about her. you say you can't remember to pick her up a bar of chocolate or give her a small gesture of appreciation? no, you can remember - i'm sure you have a great memory! you just haven't made the effort to put a reminder in your phone. think about it - twice a week put a reminder in and get her chocolate, flowers, a card with a personal message you've written - you need to put in that effort!
as for childcare, anyone looking after twins and keeping a house spotless will get burned out. it's great that you help after your work day is over but when does she get a day off? or even an afternoon? how many times has she gone out with her friends since the twins were born? how many dates have you taken her on?
she's a human, not a machine, and you need to make sure that she's getting time off, opportunities to sleep in, time with her friends, and most of all - to know that you love and appreciate her. she is the mother of your children! she's your wife! this is not some "job", it's the most important role a human can take, and her happiness impacts how well she can raise your children.
please set your ego aside and step into her shoes for a minute. maybe even send her on a weekend away and take on everything she does before acting like it's at all equivalent to a job.
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you get praise and appreciation at work. you always get more than money. your wife doesn’t. she’s telling you what she needs, doesn’t sound like it would cost you much effort to make her feel appreciated. why won’t you put that effort in? yta
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[deleted]
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yta. your wife is working a demanding, isolating job that she doesn't seem to get a break from. she is telling you that she's burning out and wants to feel appreciated. you are telling her "well i don't get thanked!" but *you get paid.*
no, you don't *need* to thank her for doing her job. but why is it so hard to just... give her this?
treat your wife. it's not going to kill you.
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info: what do your weekends look like? if you have weekends off work, are you helping with the kids and chores or is she still doing all of the housework? does she get time to herself or to see friends at all during the week?
you’re both working, but your work (i’m assuming) entails going out of the house and socializing with adults, hers doesn’t. you both need breaks and it’s your job as her partner to make sure she’s getting them. the extra stuff to show you appreciate that she does have a hard and isolating job is all very important too.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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INFO
| 0.00388 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (36m) work full time and my wife (32f) is a sahm looking after our 2 year old twins. when we got married, we both agreed that my wife would be a sahm, especially since we don't have any family/grandparents nearby. we were both in agreement and my wife made it clear she wanted to enjoy seeing our kids grow up (we don't plan on having any more). i make a good wage so we are comfortable. i don't give my wife any spending limits (obviously we discuss big purchases) so she is free to buy herself things, i make sure she has access to money and she takes care of everything around the house. i work from home and a typical day for me is 7am - 5pm. once i finish work, i go and spend time with the twins while my wife makes dinner. we put them to bed together and my wife usually clears up in the kitchen. she is great at her job and the house is spotless. i am happy with this arrangement and i thought my wife was too. recently, she has been coming to me and saying that she feels burned out, unappreciated and taken for granted. i asked if i could do anything to help and she said that it would be nice if i did something now and again to show that i appreciated her. e.g. buying her favourite bar of chocolate when i go to the shop or something small, just as a gesture of appreciation. i'll admit that i didn't do this, purely because i am not in the habit to be honest. we recently had a massive argument because my wife got completely fed up with being "treated like a servant". she basically said that her working hours are 5am - 9pm, 7 days a week and that she feels like i take her for granted. i told her that i understand it's a tough job but we both get on with our respective roles. i never ask her to thank me for making money, i think that's cringeworthy. i get on with my job because i have to provide for my family whereas she wants presents and treats for doing her job. i essentially said this to her and now i'm wondering if i am the asshole - looking after kids and the house is tiring and she does work hard and takes care of everything. but at the same time, do i need to thank her on bended knee and buy her things just for doing her job? aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (36m) work full time and my wife (32f) is a sahm looking after our 2 year old twins. when we got married, we both agreed that my wife would be a sahm, especially since we don't have any family/grandparents nearby. we were both in agreement and my wife made it clear she wanted to enjoy seeing our kids grow up (we don't plan on having any more). i make a good wage so we are comfortable. i don't give my wife any spending limits (obviously we discuss big purchases) so she is free to buy herself things, i make sure she has access to money and she takes care of everything around the house. i work from home and a typical day for me is 7am - 5pm. once i finish work, i go and spend time with the twins while my wife makes dinner. we put them to bed together and my wife usually clears up in the kitchen. she is great at her job and the house is spotless. i am happy with this arrangement and i thought my wife was too. recently, she has been coming to me and saying that she feels burned out, unappreciated and taken for granted. i asked if i could do anything to help and she said that it would be nice if i did something now and again to show that i appreciated her. e.g. buying her favourite bar of chocolate when i go to the shop or something small, just as a gesture of appreciation. i'll admit that i didn't do this, purely because i am not in the habit to be honest. we recently had a massive argument because my wife got completely fed up with being "treated like a servant". she basically said that her working hours are 5am - 9pm, 7 days a week and that she feels like i take her for granted. i told her that i understand it's a tough job but we both get on with our respective roles. i never ask her to thank me for making money, i think that's cringeworthy. i get on with my job because i have to provide for my family whereas she wants presents and treats for doing her job. i essentially said this to her and now i'm wondering if i am the asshole - looking after kids and the house is tiring and she does work hard and takes care of everything. but at the same time, do i need to thank her on bended knee and buy her things just for doing her job? aita? [/INST] yta. jesus christ, it's really too much to ask to occasionally buy your wife a bar of chocolate or say "thank you"? it sounds like she is working harder than you, but that isn't even the point. appreciating her and showing her you love her is part of being a decent husband. if you're a robot who doesn't need appreciation, that doesn't mean she has to be too. </s>
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AITA for failing a student that I teach, who had her final postponed because of a death of an immediate family member, for failing to respond to my emails for the retake?
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back in may, a student of mine emailed me 2 days before when her final was scheduled. her twin brother passed away early that night due to the negligence of a drunk driver. she said that she does not think she would be able take the final and asked if she would be able to reschedule. i sent my condolences and let her know that she could have as much time as she needed and that i will get in touch with her later in the summer.
due to administrative policies, friday was the deadline to submit extended deadline grades. i told her she could take the test as late as july 16th if she wanted a grade for the semester. alternatively, i could give her an incomplete, which is essentially the grade of “could not complete the class for extenuating circumstances”. lastly, she could apply for a leave of absence, and would be able to able to complete the final when she returns. she thanked me and told me she will get back to me with her preference soon.
i emailed her again 3-days later and asked if she had a preference regarding what to do for her final. she didn’t respond, so i emailed her again on june 24th, july 1st, july 8th, july 12th, and july 15th. i also mailed a letter to her place of residency that essentially said the same thing, and left a voicemail on her cell phone.
she failed to reply to any of my means of communication, including the ones that told her that without a response, i would be forced to give her a 0 for the final, which was worth 50% of her final grade. in order to qualify for an incomplete, she would have to sign a form and have it looked by both the professor (me) and her faculty advisor. the “leave of absence” is a student disabilities services policy, so i couldn’t do anything with her going through them.
because she did not get back to me, i submitted a 0 for her final and she failed the class. i told my husband this morning about what happened (he is also a professor at the same university) and he was completely aghast. he told me i should’ve just made the final not count towards calculation for her final grade, or just say she got a passing grade on the exam. that would mean i would have to essentially lie, which i was worried because it would have looked suspicious if her other professors said she was similarly irresponsive to their emails.
he told me the other professors probably waived her final completely and what i did was morally reprehensible. he works in a different department, so he’s used to having a lot more freedom regarding the grading scheme, but my hands were tied. we fought and he’s insistence that i “should’ve done more to help her”.
i get his perspective, but the fact is that she plainly did not respond to my messages. i did what i could, but he thinks i should’ve just lied and hope i didn’t get caught. am i in the wrong for failing her?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cg2270/aita_for_failing_a_student_that_i_teach_who_had/
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2019-07-21 18:10:19
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yta
~~you went above and beyond what you had to do. now it's up to the student if she ever wants to return.~~
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i’m actually a bit shocked at the responses. it’s strange to me about how much reddit preaches for mental health awareness, we sure don’t give much empathy for a young person going through an incredible difficult time right now.
op admits (in a comment, not the op) that she didn’t even try to go to her superiors because “the student was skirting adult responsibilities”. this leads me to believe that there was definitely more she could’ve done to help this young girl. i don’t see how shooting an email to her supervisor asking what she can do to rectify the situation as an insurmountable task.
i guess this is unpopular, but i can’t see how op is anything other than ta in this situation.
~~
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yta:
changed my mind. your responses to some of these comments are absolutely insane.
> you can't just neglect your responsibilities because you're sad.
grieving the loss of a relative that was killed is more than just "being sad"
~~nta:~~
~~you did what you could. as a student myself, one thing that gets drilled into your head early on in college is to check your emails as often as possible. i understand that this girl's going through a rough time, but bear in mind that this has been going on for~~ *~~months~~* ~~with no response from her.~~
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yta. you failed her because you were annoyed she did t respond to your emails.
she was dealing with a death! where’s your empathy?
<edit>you need to go back and fix what you did. go talk to whoever you need to talk to and admit you made a mistake. pronto.</edit>
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**yta**
i guess this hits me too personally because i have a twin brother. this was a 18-22 year old going through was will probably be the worst, indescribable, unimaginable pain she will ever go through in her entire life. her entire world was absolutely shattered beyond repair. her heart just got ripped into a million pieces.
this wasn’t just some everyday seasonable blues. her twin died. she probably just disconnected from reality for awhile. she’s focusing on healing herself and trying to move on from such a painful period in her life. she doesn’t give a shit about anything that’s not helping her heal right now.
you should’ve bent over backwards to try to accommodate her. if that means you had to lie, so be it. i refuse to believe that anyone would fire you for giving a grieving teenager-young adult a passing grade on her final.
what you did was cruel and i would be as similarly upset as your husband right now.
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yta for not bumping this up the chain and asking for guidance from the department chair/dean.
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yta. sounds like you did what you could (and then some) to make contact but holy shit—she lost her twin and you give her the big zero and fail her.
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yta. have some goddamned sympathy. yes she did not reply to your emails and you’re annoyed.
she just lost her freaking twin! i’m sure you could’ve done more to help and at the very least make sure the grade did not contribute to her final marks. you mentioned how policy is policy and that it does not take that long for a person to sign a form. grief makes it hard for a person to do everyday things.
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yta and good luck justifying yourself to your superiors when the student goes above your head to fight this.
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yta
op i want you to think about all the emails and calls you made, and how frustrating that was for you to not get a response and then i want you think about all those emails and calls you would have received from your job to fill out a form for work if your husband died.
would you want to respond? or would you be numb? would you want to shut off the world? would you lose a sense of yourself and your concept of structure and work and school and life for a period of time while you work through what you’re feeling and how much you miss him and how you’re never ever going to see him again and how your entire life is not going to be what you banked on anymore. could you possibly recognise what you should be doing and still not have the strength to do it because you my just want to sit in a ball and cry and push the world and your responsibilities away?
now imagine being a young person, still adjusting to adulthood in college and losing the one person that’s been by your side since the second you were born. the one person that’s been there every step of the way. the one person that knows you, knows your thoughts and your emotions and has been there for every major and minor life event. the one person you thought knew you better than you knew yourself.
life is bigger than our corporate structures. life is more complicated than our checklists and forms.
sometimes, a student loses their sibling and instead of maliciously complying with arbitrary rules, you can step out of your own prejudices, and recognise that they’re going through something so unimaginable that you need to take a step back, and see them as a person, not a student.
and cut them some fucking slack.
you didn’t go to anyone else because you didn’t want to bother them? you didn’t speak to any other professors? you just assumed what they would also do? you didn’t tell any of your superiors?
this student has just had a life shattering death in the family and you don’t think it’s worth a conversation with someone else to determine the best cause of action?
come on. come on. no one lacks this much empathy.
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: back in may, a student of mine emailed me 2 days before when her final was scheduled. her twin brother passed away early that night due to the negligence of a drunk driver. she said that she does not think she would be able take the final and asked if she would be able to reschedule. i sent my condolences and let her know that she could have as much time as she needed and that i will get in touch with her later in the summer. due to administrative policies, friday was the deadline to submit extended deadline grades. i told her she could take the test as late as july 16th if she wanted a grade for the semester. alternatively, i could give her an incomplete, which is essentially the grade of “could not complete the class for extenuating circumstances”. lastly, she could apply for a leave of absence, and would be able to able to complete the final when she returns. she thanked me and told me she will get back to me with her preference soon. i emailed her again 3-days later and asked if she had a preference regarding what to do for her final. she didn’t respond, so i emailed her again on june 24th, july 1st, july 8th, july 12th, and july 15th. i also mailed a letter to her place of residency that essentially said the same thing, and left a voicemail on her cell phone. she failed to reply to any of my means of communication, including the ones that told her that without a response, i would be forced to give her a 0 for the final, which was worth 50% of her final grade. in order to qualify for an incomplete, she would have to sign a form and have it looked by both the professor (me) and her faculty advisor. the “leave of absence” is a student disabilities services policy, so i couldn’t do anything with her going through them. because she did not get back to me, i submitted a 0 for her final and she failed the class. i told my husband this morning about what happened (he is also a professor at the same university) and he was completely aghast. he told me i should’ve just made the final not count towards calculation for her final grade, or just say she got a passing grade on the exam. that would mean i would have to essentially lie, which i was worried because it would have looked suspicious if her other professors said she was similarly irresponsive to their emails. he told me the other professors probably waived her final completely and what i did was morally reprehensible. he works in a different department, so he’s used to having a lot more freedom regarding the grading scheme, but my hands were tied. we fought and he’s insistence that i “should’ve done more to help her”. i get his perspective, but the fact is that she plainly did not respond to my messages. i did what i could, but he thinks i should’ve just lied and hope i didn’t get caught. am i in the wrong for failing her? **
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
back in may, a student of mine emailed me 2 days before when her final was scheduled. her twin brother passed away early that night due to the negligence of a drunk driver. she said that she does not think she would be able take the final and asked if she would be able to reschedule. i sent my condolences and let her know that she could have as much time as she needed and that i will get in touch with her later in the summer. due to administrative policies, friday was the deadline to submit extended deadline grades. i told her she could take the test as late as july 16th if she wanted a grade for the semester. alternatively, i could give her an incomplete, which is essentially the grade of “could not complete the class for extenuating circumstances”. lastly, she could apply for a leave of absence, and would be able to able to complete the final when she returns. she thanked me and told me she will get back to me with her preference soon. i emailed her again 3-days later and asked if she had a preference regarding what to do for her final. she didn’t respond, so i emailed her again on june 24th, july 1st, july 8th, july 12th, and july 15th. i also mailed a letter to her place of residency that essentially said the same thing, and left a voicemail on her cell phone. she failed to reply to any of my means of communication, including the ones that told her that without a response, i would be forced to give her a 0 for the final, which was worth 50% of her final grade. in order to qualify for an incomplete, she would have to sign a form and have it looked by both the professor (me) and her faculty advisor. the “leave of absence” is a student disabilities services policy, so i couldn’t do anything with her going through them. because she did not get back to me, i submitted a 0 for her final and she failed the class. i told my husband this morning about what happened (he is also a professor at the same university) and he was completely aghast. he told me i should’ve just made the final not count towards calculation for her final grade, or just say she got a passing grade on the exam. that would mean i would have to essentially lie, which i was worried because it would have looked suspicious if her other professors said she was similarly irresponsive to their emails. he told me the other professors probably waived her final completely and what i did was morally reprehensible. he works in a different department, so he’s used to having a lot more freedom regarding the grading scheme, but my hands were tied. we fought and he’s insistence that i “should’ve done more to help her”. i get his perspective, but the fact is that she plainly did not respond to my messages. i did what i could, but he thinks i should’ve just lied and hope i didn’t get caught. am i in the wrong for failing her? ** [/INST] yta ~~you went above and beyond what you had to do. now it's up to the student if she ever wants to return.~~ </s>
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AITA for telling my brother to stop complaining about child support since he chose to have sex with a woman he barely knew?
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my brother (26/m) has a one year old son with a woman he was never in a relationship with, apparently they were friends with benefits.
long story short she got pregnant, he wanted her to abort and she refused, she had the baby, he got a dna test confirming he’s the dad, now he pays child support. they share custody.
i had dinner with him the other day and as usually he bitched about how child support is unfair, etc. i told him for the first time that it’s his fault. he chose to have sex knowing the risk of pregnancy. he got mad and said it’s not fair because women can abort but men can’t, i told him he knew that before he has sex with her but he still risked it. he called me an asshole, but i was just being honest.
edit it:
i just woke up and i’m surprised at all the hate messages i’ve gotten from other guys. i am a man. so many of the hate messages assume i must be a woman because i believe in sexual responsibility. wtf is wrong with men today... this shit is weird.
| 20,851 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cy4t2r/aita_for_telling_my_brother_to_stop_complaining/
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2019-09-01 02:57:52
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nta. you lay you pay...he knew the risks. now he is seeing the result. actions have consequences. sometimes good and sometimes bad. i however feel he should be more worried about the tiny human he credit over the monetary issues.
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nta. that's a whole conversation they should have had before having sex. "are we protected, what happens if we get pregnant anyways?" would have taken all of 2 seconds to find out if she would have said yeahh i get pregnant then i'm having a baby.
also it's been a year. well past time for him to stop wishing his kid didnt exist.
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yta all other stuff aside, your brother needs to vent and thought he could trust you and you just shut him down. he’s going through something right now. his life is changing drastically from what it was and what he wanted it to be. he’s paying child support and sharing custody. he’s not doing anything “wrong”, maybe try and be a little supportive while he adjusts to his new reality.
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yta this sub is about morals not legality. i fully support a womans right to abortion but i also support men who choose to not want to father the child. if she gets pregnant she can give the baby up for adoption or abort and no one bats an eye. if a guy gets a woman pregnant its always "man up you should have thought about it." its such a huge double standard. women have no responsibility for their mistakes and men are crusified when they choose not to have a child.
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nta he also had a choice, it was a condom.
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nta. abortion is not a form of birth control. he should have thought of possibly getting her pregnant and using condoms,/birth control.
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info: all these commenters so far seem to be implying your brother didn't use a condom, but i don't see any of that in your post, and condoms aren't 100%. are you certain your brother didn't do his due diligence re: pregnancy prevention?
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yta. your brother was venting about bills he doesn't want to pay. imagined if you had medical bills and were venting about the cost and he said "well you chose to *do x act that resulted in this injury it illness, so you can't complain* that's be shitty.
also, it's not like he's not a father, and is venting about just writing a check. he shares custody, and has to pay money to the woman. it very well could be unfair to him depending on how much he spends on the child when he has it.
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apparently i'm going against thr grain here, but yta
people here keep saying stuff like "he should have used a condom" or "he should have pulled out", but none of that changes the fact that the guy had his live ruined. doesn't matter if he was being stupid or irresponsible, or if he took all possible precautions and got unlucky. still being salty about it 1 year later is perfectly understandable. this is not something you just get over.
do you tell someone who lost their legs in a car crash that they can't complain, because they weren't wearing a seat belt? yeah they were stupid and probably could have avoided it, but throwing that in their face is both unhelpful and mean.
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[removed]
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.942809 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my brother (26/m) has a one year old son with a woman he was never in a relationship with, apparently they were friends with benefits. long story short she got pregnant, he wanted her to abort and she refused, she had the baby, he got a dna test confirming he’s the dad, now he pays child support. they share custody. i had dinner with him the other day and as usually he bitched about how child support is unfair, etc. i told him for the first time that it’s his fault. he chose to have sex knowing the risk of pregnancy. he got mad and said it’s not fair because women can abort but men can’t, i told him he knew that before he has sex with her but he still risked it. he called me an asshole, but i was just being honest. edit it: i just woke up and i’m surprised at all the hate messages i’ve gotten from other guys. i am a man. so many of the hate messages assume i must be a woman because i believe in sexual responsibility. wtf is wrong with men today... this shit is weird.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my brother (26/m) has a one year old son with a woman he was never in a relationship with, apparently they were friends with benefits. long story short she got pregnant, he wanted her to abort and she refused, she had the baby, he got a dna test confirming he’s the dad, now he pays child support. they share custody. i had dinner with him the other day and as usually he bitched about how child support is unfair, etc. i told him for the first time that it’s his fault. he chose to have sex knowing the risk of pregnancy. he got mad and said it’s not fair because women can abort but men can’t, i told him he knew that before he has sex with her but he still risked it. he called me an asshole, but i was just being honest. edit it: i just woke up and i’m surprised at all the hate messages i’ve gotten from other guys. i am a man. so many of the hate messages assume i must be a woman because i believe in sexual responsibility. wtf is wrong with men today... this shit is weird. [/INST] nta. you lay you pay...he knew the risks. now he is seeing the result. actions have consequences. sometimes good and sometimes bad. i however feel he should be more worried about the tiny human he credit over the monetary issues. </s>
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AITA for calling my fiance delusional and not letting him punish my son?
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my fiance (40m) and i (36f) have been together for 2 years.i have 3 kids from my former marriage (7), (11), & (14). my fiance loves them and treats them as his own but he constantly complains about certain behaviors and says that the kids lack "some forms of descipline". i never understood what he meant but mind you he's a teacher and can take this whole descpline thing a bit far. i noticed that he's been doing some "tests" lately to see how they'd act in certain situations. for example, he once left his journal lying around to see if any of my kids would snoop, he also would leave money lying around to see who'd touch it. or even lie saying "who wants skittles?" to see if any of the kids would come to him downstairs.
the recent one (that i wasn't aware of til later) was yesterday. he told the kids that he lost a "dollar" from his pocket and offered 10 dollars to whoever finds it. the kids began searching the house for an hour. my 7 & 11 year olds couldn't find a thing, but my 14 year old went to my fiance and told him he found the dollar and gave it to him. my fiance lost it and started yelling "aaaa gotcha now!". my son was confused. turns out, my fiance didn't lose any money and lied about the dollar to see how the kids would react. my son obviously had "faild" because he pretended to have found the dollar but in reality he took it from his allowance and gave it to my fiance hoping to get that 10 dollars. my fiance said that because of my son's dishonesty and greed, he'll punish him by taking all his allowance for the month as well as electronics being taken away for a week!. i got into an argument with him and called him delusional because those mind games were getting ridiculous and besides, it's not like my son stole anything from him, he just failed his stupid test and kids make mistakes and learn. he still talked about how this is about principles and that he's trying to teach my kids to become decdnt adults, but i thought this has gone too far. i refused to let him punish him now he's calling me an enabler and said that this attitude won't be of much help when we get married because it undermines his authority as a parent, and enables unacceptable behaviors from my kids. he said and i qoute "i will not tolerate having greedy and dishonest individuals live under my roof".
| 10,582 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ym42p5/aita_for_calling_my_fiance_delusional_and_not/
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2022-11-04 16:53:36
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yta
for allowing him to emotionally abuse your children.
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esh
he's manipulating your children.
you're letting him.
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you are ta if you stay with him. these are your kids and his tests are psychologically damaging.
imagine how your kids feel - they are probably on egg shells because of the antics of your fiancé. this is not only going to lead to issues for them, but you could end up in court with your ex.
nip this in the bud and send that man packing.
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>he constantly complains about certain behaviors and says that the kids lack "some forms of descipline". i never understood what he meant but mind you he's a teacher and can take this whole descpline thing a bit far.
speaking as a teacher myself, without having read the rest of your post yet, i'm sitting here with a couple of red flags waving in my face already. but let me see.
>he once left his journal lying around to see if any of my kids would snoop, he also would leave money lying around to see who'd touch it. or even lie saying "who wants skittles?" to see if any of the kids would come to him downstairs.
so...in other words he's baselessly and causelessly being a manipulative \[expletive\]. got it. holy tree stumps.
>he told the kids that he lost a "dollar" from his pocket and offered 10 dollars to whoever finds it. the kids began searching the house for an hour. my 7 & 11 year olds couldn't find a thing, but my 14 year old went to my fiance and told him he found the dollar and gave it to him. my fiance lost it and started yelling "aaaa gotcha now!"
what is wrong with this man?
>i got into an argument with him and called him delusional because those mind games were getting ridiculous and besides, it's not like my son stole anything from him, he just failed his stupid test and kids make mistakes and learn.
yeah, that last line right there is what makes me very concerned for your fiancé's students.
as i said, i'm also a teacher. in this line of work, you tend to see the adults divide into two camps: the ones who are there for the kids, and the ones who are not. the ones who are there for the kids are the ones looking for the positives, giving kids opportunities to succeed, setting them up to be as confident and successful as possible.
the other ones...well, they assume exclusively negative intentions from kids, try to trip them up or trick them, and constantly compete to be right. they get off on control and authority and have no real respect for the fact that their students are human beings.
your husband appears to be in that second camp, and i really, really don't like it. he's expecting--maybe even perversely wanting--your kids to fail, and setting them up so they have virtually no choice but to meet that expectation every time.
>he still talked about how this is about principles and that he's trying to teach my kids to become decdnt adults
that's rich, coming from someone who clearly hasn't passed that benchmark himself.
>he said and i qoute "i will not tolerate having greedy and dishonest individuals live under my roof".
and if i were you, my response would be "neither will i. pack your bags."
seriously. this abusive asshole either has to fix himself or go, before he does some real damage to your kids. protect them. **nta.**
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yta for letting him play these mind games with your kids and it putting a stop to it right when it started. what is wrong with you? do you want your kids to feel unsafe in their own home? is getting married really more important than your children’s safety and well being?
i’m so disgusted you’ve let this go on for god knows how long. why are you letting him abuse your children? and yes playing mind games and trying to purposely screw with their heads is abuse.
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as you typed this out, did you not realize how insane this man is and dangerous to have around your children? by the time you hit post, he should have been your ex-fiancé
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so n t a for telling him he's delusional but yta for continuing to be with him and letting him treat your kids like this. are you so desperate to be with someone you would tolerate them psychologically abusing your kids? get your act together and get rid of him already.
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your fiancé is a psycho
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please do not marry this man. please get him away from your children. my stepmother used to "test" my sister and i like that and the older we got, the more severe the punishments were.
i am 24 years old and i am still so traumatized, i need medication and life long therapy to deal with what she put me through and i blame my dad a lot for letting me go through it.
please don't do that to your kids. please leave.
nta as long as you realize you need to protect your kids.
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nta.
1. fiance was saying " find me a dollar and i'll give you ten dollars"
hell, your kid is brilliant.
these tests are asshole-ish.
lose the fiance or you will lose your kids when they leave home. he might love them, but the tests are cruel. jerkwad
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0.56814 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiance (40m) and i (36f) have been together for 2 years.i have 3 kids from my former marriage (7), (11), & (14). my fiance loves them and treats them as his own but he constantly complains about certain behaviors and says that the kids lack "some forms of descipline". i never understood what he meant but mind you he's a teacher and can take this whole descpline thing a bit far. i noticed that he's been doing some "tests" lately to see how they'd act in certain situations. for example, he once left his journal lying around to see if any of my kids would snoop, he also would leave money lying around to see who'd touch it. or even lie saying "who wants skittles?" to see if any of the kids would come to him downstairs. the recent one (that i wasn't aware of til later) was yesterday. he told the kids that he lost a "dollar" from his pocket and offered 10 dollars to whoever finds it. the kids began searching the house for an hour. my 7 & 11 year olds couldn't find a thing, but my 14 year old went to my fiance and told him he found the dollar and gave it to him. my fiance lost it and started yelling "aaaa gotcha now!". my son was confused. turns out, my fiance didn't lose any money and lied about the dollar to see how the kids would react. my son obviously had "faild" because he pretended to have found the dollar but in reality he took it from his allowance and gave it to my fiance hoping to get that 10 dollars. my fiance said that because of my son's dishonesty and greed, he'll punish him by taking all his allowance for the month as well as electronics being taken away for a week!. i got into an argument with him and called him delusional because those mind games were getting ridiculous and besides, it's not like my son stole anything from him, he just failed his stupid test and kids make mistakes and learn. he still talked about how this is about principles and that he's trying to teach my kids to become decdnt adults, but i thought this has gone too far. i refused to let him punish him now he's calling me an enabler and said that this attitude won't be of much help when we get married because it undermines his authority as a parent, and enables unacceptable behaviors from my kids. he said and i qoute "i will not tolerate having greedy and dishonest individuals live under my roof".
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiance (40m) and i (36f) have been together for 2 years.i have 3 kids from my former marriage (7), (11), & (14). my fiance loves them and treats them as his own but he constantly complains about certain behaviors and says that the kids lack "some forms of descipline". i never understood what he meant but mind you he's a teacher and can take this whole descpline thing a bit far. i noticed that he's been doing some "tests" lately to see how they'd act in certain situations. for example, he once left his journal lying around to see if any of my kids would snoop, he also would leave money lying around to see who'd touch it. or even lie saying "who wants skittles?" to see if any of the kids would come to him downstairs. the recent one (that i wasn't aware of til later) was yesterday. he told the kids that he lost a "dollar" from his pocket and offered 10 dollars to whoever finds it. the kids began searching the house for an hour. my 7 & 11 year olds couldn't find a thing, but my 14 year old went to my fiance and told him he found the dollar and gave it to him. my fiance lost it and started yelling "aaaa gotcha now!". my son was confused. turns out, my fiance didn't lose any money and lied about the dollar to see how the kids would react. my son obviously had "faild" because he pretended to have found the dollar but in reality he took it from his allowance and gave it to my fiance hoping to get that 10 dollars. my fiance said that because of my son's dishonesty and greed, he'll punish him by taking all his allowance for the month as well as electronics being taken away for a week!. i got into an argument with him and called him delusional because those mind games were getting ridiculous and besides, it's not like my son stole anything from him, he just failed his stupid test and kids make mistakes and learn. he still talked about how this is about principles and that he's trying to teach my kids to become decdnt adults, but i thought this has gone too far. i refused to let him punish him now he's calling me an enabler and said that this attitude won't be of much help when we get married because it undermines his authority as a parent, and enables unacceptable behaviors from my kids. he said and i qoute "i will not tolerate having greedy and dishonest individuals live under my roof". [/INST] yta for allowing him to emotionally abuse your children. </s>
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AITA for telling my brothers new fiancé she isn’t my kids aunt?
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i (m31) and my wife (f30) and i have two kids , m5 the other f2.
i also have two siblings, an older brother (m35) and a younger (m29).
me and my older brother both have kids. my younger has none, and has bounced from fling to fling.
however in 2020 before the pandemic hit he met this girl (f23). we’ll call her amber. (fake name).
from day 1 he was obsessed with her. they started dating and when we thought we’d only meet her once then never again, she stayed coming round.
we were all happy to see my brother get serious about someone, even if they were a bit younger than him.
however as amber started spending more time around our family, collectively we all noticed certain things she did we didn’t like. for just a couple of examples.
she would move something in whoever’s house we were in, and say “this looks better like this, so i moved it for you”.
or she would get into peoples stuff and say “we’re family now so we can share”. such as when she used my sil lotions and makeup without asking.
but this was the thing that made us all dislike her. she would constantly talk proudly about how she turned my quote “spineless fuckboy baby brother into a man”. okay, unnecessary but he was a player before so i get the “joke”. but then she added “i’ll do what your mom couldn’t and teach him to be a gentleman”.
and yes. she really has said that on more than one occasion.
we’ve all mentioned these things to my brother but he brushes it off or says “i love her dude what can i do”. and welp…. he proposed to her at the beginning of 2022. and no she hasn’t changed her antics since 2020.
anyway. amber came over with my brother for my wife’s birthday party. of course my kids were there too. amber , i’m front of a house full of mine and my wife’s family she says “oh it’s my favorite niece and nephew!” before picking up my daughter. she added “am i your favorite aunty?” in a baby voice, as if she was saying it to my daughter.
i walked over and took my daughter out of her hands and said in a calm but stern tone “you’re not their aunt. so please don’t refer to yourself as their aunt”. she seemed taken back and immediately got defensive saying “i’m marrying your brother so i will be their aunt by marriage”.
i just shrugged and calmly responded that i didn’t care if they got married, she could be mrs. amber or amber but she was not their aunt.
a few people heard and pretended not to, but amber was upset and left and my brother came in asking what happened. after i told him he said i was an ass and took off after amber.
my brother called me that night saying i needed to apologize and take back what i said, but i refused to.
my kids hardly know/spend time with her, and she’s not very well liked amongst our family.
so aita?
| 5,575 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zqjjrp/aita_for_telling_my_brothers_new_fiancé_she_isnt/
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2022-12-20 09:01:09
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yta. you can dislike her and keep her away from your kids all you want, but she will in fact be their aunt.
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esh - i think you all suck. the way you handle it was inappropriate. she will be your family by marriage, therefor she will be there aunt by marriage.
also amber sucks she needs to know what her place is. the statement she made about your mother and brother is a big no-go. but you talked to your brother not to amber.
i’m not saying it would have changed anything, but perhaps it would have.
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nta u don’t have to consider her family sometimes even blood doesn’t mean much it’s really ur call
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nta
amber is an entitled control freak. if she moved something in my house she wouldn't be welcome back again and if she dared to touch my personal items she would be all kinds of sorry.
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yta in this particular situation, even if she sucks in general. she's your brother's life partner, so she's your children's aunt. she can be a distant aunt, a hated aunt, a practical stranger, whatever. you get to choose how much she sees your kids, but not her position on the family tree.
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esh. you all should set amber some boundaries, like "please don't move my stuff", "in this family we ask before using somebody else's things", "in this family we don't play favorites" etc.
but she is part of your family, you shouldn't try to deny it.
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nta. she sounds awful. she's your brother's problem, not yours.
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info
has anyone told amber that her behavior is off putting and makes the family dislike her? it sounds like she sucks but from what you wrote, it sounds like the family has just talked behind her back and she has no clue. i totally understand why you dislike her but humiliating her in front of a bunch of people was not the way.
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eh.
it doesn’t matter if she becomes an aunt by marriage, the parents get to decide the relationship their children have with adults until their child is old enough to decide for themselves.
where are all the people that come for the step parents for wanting a title instead of being called by name…
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nta
people think that they can just force people into roles. even if she is technically their aunt when she marries your brother, she isn't right now and doesn't get to use the title until you deem it appropriate.
if you don't like this person and don't want them around your children, you have the right as their parent, to not allow them importance in their life.
yes, you could have said it nicer but she doesn't respect boundaries so maybe the harsh truth will wake her up to her behavior.
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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YTA
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ESH
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NTA
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INFO
| null |
NTA
| 0.665712 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m31) and my wife (f30) and i have two kids , m5 the other f2. i also have two siblings, an older brother (m35) and a younger (m29). me and my older brother both have kids. my younger has none, and has bounced from fling to fling. however in 2020 before the pandemic hit he met this girl (f23). we’ll call her amber. (fake name). from day 1 he was obsessed with her. they started dating and when we thought we’d only meet her once then never again, she stayed coming round. we were all happy to see my brother get serious about someone, even if they were a bit younger than him. however as amber started spending more time around our family, collectively we all noticed certain things she did we didn’t like. for just a couple of examples. she would move something in whoever’s house we were in, and say “this looks better like this, so i moved it for you”. or she would get into peoples stuff and say “we’re family now so we can share”. such as when she used my sil lotions and makeup without asking. but this was the thing that made us all dislike her. she would constantly talk proudly about how she turned my quote “spineless fuckboy baby brother into a man”. okay, unnecessary but he was a player before so i get the “joke”. but then she added “i’ll do what your mom couldn’t and teach him to be a gentleman”. and yes. she really has said that on more than one occasion. we’ve all mentioned these things to my brother but he brushes it off or says “i love her dude what can i do”. and welp…. he proposed to her at the beginning of 2022. and no she hasn’t changed her antics since 2020. anyway. amber came over with my brother for my wife’s birthday party. of course my kids were there too. amber , i’m front of a house full of mine and my wife’s family she says “oh it’s my favorite niece and nephew!” before picking up my daughter. she added “am i your favorite aunty?” in a baby voice, as if she was saying it to my daughter. i walked over and took my daughter out of her hands and said in a calm but stern tone “you’re not their aunt. so please don’t refer to yourself as their aunt”. she seemed taken back and immediately got defensive saying “i’m marrying your brother so i will be their aunt by marriage”. i just shrugged and calmly responded that i didn’t care if they got married, she could be mrs. amber or amber but she was not their aunt. a few people heard and pretended not to, but amber was upset and left and my brother came in asking what happened. after i told him he said i was an ass and took off after amber. my brother called me that night saying i needed to apologize and take back what i said, but i refused to. my kids hardly know/spend time with her, and she’s not very well liked amongst our family. so aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (m31) and my wife (f30) and i have two kids , m5 the other f2. i also have two siblings, an older brother (m35) and a younger (m29). me and my older brother both have kids. my younger has none, and has bounced from fling to fling. however in 2020 before the pandemic hit he met this girl (f23). we’ll call her amber. (fake name). from day 1 he was obsessed with her. they started dating and when we thought we’d only meet her once then never again, she stayed coming round. we were all happy to see my brother get serious about someone, even if they were a bit younger than him. however as amber started spending more time around our family, collectively we all noticed certain things she did we didn’t like. for just a couple of examples. she would move something in whoever’s house we were in, and say “this looks better like this, so i moved it for you”. or she would get into peoples stuff and say “we’re family now so we can share”. such as when she used my sil lotions and makeup without asking. but this was the thing that made us all dislike her. she would constantly talk proudly about how she turned my quote “spineless fuckboy baby brother into a man”. okay, unnecessary but he was a player before so i get the “joke”. but then she added “i’ll do what your mom couldn’t and teach him to be a gentleman”. and yes. she really has said that on more than one occasion. we’ve all mentioned these things to my brother but he brushes it off or says “i love her dude what can i do”. and welp…. he proposed to her at the beginning of 2022. and no she hasn’t changed her antics since 2020. anyway. amber came over with my brother for my wife’s birthday party. of course my kids were there too. amber , i’m front of a house full of mine and my wife’s family she says “oh it’s my favorite niece and nephew!” before picking up my daughter. she added “am i your favorite aunty?” in a baby voice, as if she was saying it to my daughter. i walked over and took my daughter out of her hands and said in a calm but stern tone “you’re not their aunt. so please don’t refer to yourself as their aunt”. she seemed taken back and immediately got defensive saying “i’m marrying your brother so i will be their aunt by marriage”. i just shrugged and calmly responded that i didn’t care if they got married, she could be mrs. amber or amber but she was not their aunt. a few people heard and pretended not to, but amber was upset and left and my brother came in asking what happened. after i told him he said i was an ass and took off after amber. my brother called me that night saying i needed to apologize and take back what i said, but i refused to. my kids hardly know/spend time with her, and she’s not very well liked amongst our family. so aita? [/INST] yta. you can dislike her and keep her away from your kids all you want, but she will in fact be their aunt. </s>
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AITA for donating my daughters college fund instead of giving it to my step daughter to help buy a house
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so i have a 16 year old daughter that passed away in a car accident october 19th. i’ve been collecting a college fund for her since she was young, my ex husband and i both put money into it as well as she put some of her paychecks from work into it, and it’s about $25,000 full. i recently got remarried to a man who has a 30 year old daughter. my step daughter doesn’t like me, because i’m only 3 years older than her, my husband is significantly older than i am.
my daughter was very passionate about the environment, and my ex husband and i discussed what we would do with the college fund. my husband says it was my daughter and i can do what i feel is right to honor her.
we decided to divide it and we would each donate to charities we felt would make our daughter proud.
my step daughter however thinks we should split it evenly and she should get some cushion for buying a house, since i’m married to her father and that makes my contribution his money too.
she thinks donating *essentially* $13000 wouldn’t mean anything to a big charity and i could help someone i know in real life.
my husband has since joined her side and thinks $13000 would help her buy a house and we can honor my daughter in another way.
aita for not wanting to change my plans?
| 21,976 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/epmdeh/aita_for_donating_my_daughters_college_fund/
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2020-01-16 17:21:35
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nta.
what a greedy young woman your stepdaughter is! that wouldn't be "honoring your daughter", really, as it has nothing to do with her. stick to your guns.
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nta. she is not entitled to your daughters college fund. i'm actually appalled that should would even ask for it. more so that her father has taken her side. i'm astounded that people like this actually exist.
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nta. your stepdaughter and husband are being really ugly here. they are not at all entitled to money you, your ex-husband, and your daughter put into a college fund. their disrespect for your choice in how to honor your daughter and obvious money-grubbing is making my stomach turn here.
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[deleted]
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[removed]
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nta
i would burn that money before giving a penny to that entitled 30 year old. i’m not sure why she evens knows about the money or thinks she has any say in how it’s spent.
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imagine being so selfish that you make your stepmother take her dead daughter's money to help buy her a house. nta.
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nta. your ex has a bigger say than either of them in how to spend the money.
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nta
i’m way down here in narnia so you probably won’t see this but i think it would be a great idea if you made your portion into a scholarship honoring your daughter in a field of study that relates to her interest. you could do $1000 scholarship a year for 13 years. her memory can live on. have some criteria like an essa for the applicants to write regarding loss or the field of study and why they’re going into it. you’ll be rewarded reading other stories as well
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nta. $13,000 is a significant gift no matter what size the charity is. more importantly, this is not about your stepdaughter and her needs. it's about honoring your daughter and what you feel she would have wanted. you need to remind your husband of his initial position on the matter, be clear you're sticking to that, and let him sort out how to come up with $13k of his own money for his kid if he thinks it's that important.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i have a 16 year old daughter that passed away in a car accident october 19th. i’ve been collecting a college fund for her since she was young, my ex husband and i both put money into it as well as she put some of her paychecks from work into it, and it’s about $25,000 full. i recently got remarried to a man who has a 30 year old daughter. my step daughter doesn’t like me, because i’m only 3 years older than her, my husband is significantly older than i am. my daughter was very passionate about the environment, and my ex husband and i discussed what we would do with the college fund. my husband says it was my daughter and i can do what i feel is right to honor her. we decided to divide it and we would each donate to charities we felt would make our daughter proud. my step daughter however thinks we should split it evenly and she should get some cushion for buying a house, since i’m married to her father and that makes my contribution his money too. she thinks donating *essentially* $13000 wouldn’t mean anything to a big charity and i could help someone i know in real life. my husband has since joined her side and thinks $13000 would help her buy a house and we can honor my daughter in another way. aita for not wanting to change my plans?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i have a 16 year old daughter that passed away in a car accident october 19th. i’ve been collecting a college fund for her since she was young, my ex husband and i both put money into it as well as she put some of her paychecks from work into it, and it’s about $25,000 full. i recently got remarried to a man who has a 30 year old daughter. my step daughter doesn’t like me, because i’m only 3 years older than her, my husband is significantly older than i am. my daughter was very passionate about the environment, and my ex husband and i discussed what we would do with the college fund. my husband says it was my daughter and i can do what i feel is right to honor her. we decided to divide it and we would each donate to charities we felt would make our daughter proud. my step daughter however thinks we should split it evenly and she should get some cushion for buying a house, since i’m married to her father and that makes my contribution his money too. she thinks donating *essentially* $13000 wouldn’t mean anything to a big charity and i could help someone i know in real life. my husband has since joined her side and thinks $13000 would help her buy a house and we can honor my daughter in another way. aita for not wanting to change my plans? [/INST] nta. what a greedy young woman your stepdaughter is! that wouldn't be "honoring your daughter", really, as it has nothing to do with her. stick to your guns. </s>
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AITA for telling my GF not to sing.
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my old high school friends and i met up last night. my gf was excited to meet them and repeatedly told me she wants to make a good impression because she knows we're still close even if we can't see each other often.
for context, my girlfriend is a terrible singer. i've heard her in the shower, and she's very bad. the bar we met up at had karaoke, and my girlfriend was immediately like, i want to sing. some of my friends were already there and rifling through the song book, so my girlfriend started looking too. i went and got us some drinks, and when i came back she'd written down the songs she was thinking about. she asked me which songs i thought she should sing.
she had edge of seventeen, cherry bomb and a couple other songs that require powerful vocals written down. i said i didn't think those songs were a good fit for her voice. she asked what i thought might be better, and i shrugged and said, maybe singing wasn't the best idea.
she looked upset but didn't say anything. she pouted the whole rest of the night, hardly interacting with my friends at all. at the end of the night, some of my friends asked me if she was ill or something, and i said it was her monthlies to make an excuse for her. she continued to pout in the car on the way home.
i apologized for telling her not to sing, but also pointed out she was rude to the friends she said she wanted to make a good impression on. i was just trying to keep her from embarrassing herself. she didn't respond and still isn't texting me back. aita?
| 5,635 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vk0ctt/aita_for_telling_my_gf_not_to_sing/
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2022-06-24 22:36:28
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yta and she wasn’t rude you were. most people who do karaoke can’t sing anyway. she just wanted to have a good time and i’m sure your friends wouldn’t care how she sounds
it comes off as you being embarrassed of her too
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i do feel like yta. karaoke is not only for good singers. you talking about runaways' cherry bomb? you can basically shout that song. it's karaoke, not open mic night!
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yta. for policing her, for telling your friends she was "on her monthly" for minimizing her reaction to you being controlling and calling it "pouting".
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yeah...yta. very few people who sing at karaoke are actually good it.. its just a laugh.
plus blaming her "monthlies"?? way to kick a gal while she's down.
i hope she wakes up and finds someone who will get on up and sing terrible karaoke with her one day because you are an ass.
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'i insulted my girlfriend publicly, told everyone she was on the rag and now she's upset. what did i do wrong?'
yta
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yta.
you weren't keeping her from embarrassing herself, she obviously doesn't care that she can't sing, she just wanted to have a good time.
you were keeping from embarrassing you in front of your friends. tell it like it is pal.
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yta
you weren't worried about her embarrassing herself, you were worried about her embarrassing you.
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holy shit yta. karaoke is fun. it’s not a fucking musical competition. you probably made her feel embarrassed and put down. how was she then supposed to feel comfortable interacting with a bunch of strangers she wanted to impress after you destroyed her confidence?
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“at the end of the night, some of my friends asked me if she was ill or something, and i said it was her monthlies to make an excuse for her.”
she didn’t need an excuse…you did. why didn’t you just tell your friends what you said to her?? umm…cuz your friends would have told you that was an asshole move!?
karaoke is for fun! it’s not “america’s got talent” or “the voice.” she wanted to join in on a fun time with your friends and you were a jerk.
yta
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yta
talked crap on her singing then said she was on her period.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my old high school friends and i met up last night. my gf was excited to meet them and repeatedly told me she wants to make a good impression because she knows we're still close even if we can't see each other often. for context, my girlfriend is a terrible singer. i've heard her in the shower, and she's very bad. the bar we met up at had karaoke, and my girlfriend was immediately like, i want to sing. some of my friends were already there and rifling through the song book, so my girlfriend started looking too. i went and got us some drinks, and when i came back she'd written down the songs she was thinking about. she asked me which songs i thought she should sing. she had edge of seventeen, cherry bomb and a couple other songs that require powerful vocals written down. i said i didn't think those songs were a good fit for her voice. she asked what i thought might be better, and i shrugged and said, maybe singing wasn't the best idea. she looked upset but didn't say anything. she pouted the whole rest of the night, hardly interacting with my friends at all. at the end of the night, some of my friends asked me if she was ill or something, and i said it was her monthlies to make an excuse for her. she continued to pout in the car on the way home. i apologized for telling her not to sing, but also pointed out she was rude to the friends she said she wanted to make a good impression on. i was just trying to keep her from embarrassing herself. she didn't respond and still isn't texting me back. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my old high school friends and i met up last night. my gf was excited to meet them and repeatedly told me she wants to make a good impression because she knows we're still close even if we can't see each other often. for context, my girlfriend is a terrible singer. i've heard her in the shower, and she's very bad. the bar we met up at had karaoke, and my girlfriend was immediately like, i want to sing. some of my friends were already there and rifling through the song book, so my girlfriend started looking too. i went and got us some drinks, and when i came back she'd written down the songs she was thinking about. she asked me which songs i thought she should sing. she had edge of seventeen, cherry bomb and a couple other songs that require powerful vocals written down. i said i didn't think those songs were a good fit for her voice. she asked what i thought might be better, and i shrugged and said, maybe singing wasn't the best idea. she looked upset but didn't say anything. she pouted the whole rest of the night, hardly interacting with my friends at all. at the end of the night, some of my friends asked me if she was ill or something, and i said it was her monthlies to make an excuse for her. she continued to pout in the car on the way home. i apologized for telling her not to sing, but also pointed out she was rude to the friends she said she wanted to make a good impression on. i was just trying to keep her from embarrassing herself. she didn't respond and still isn't texting me back. aita? [/INST] yta and she wasn’t rude you were. most people who do karaoke can’t sing anyway. she just wanted to have a good time and i’m sure your friends wouldn’t care how she sounds it comes off as you being embarrassed of her too </s>
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AITA for refusing to pay to repair my girlfriend's violin bow after my nephew's broke it.
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throwaway because i don't want this tied to my main.
my girlfriend is a talented musician. she plays multiple instruments and has an angelic voice. she's dedicated her life to this excruciating task, and it's truly paid off.
my sister has 2 boys, a 10 year-old and a 8 year old. they are extremely active and love running around, which usually ends in a mess being created. the boys adore my girlfriend, they love everything about her, which i find very cute. the boys came to stay with me for a day when my sister and my girlfriend were out of town (separately.)
the 10 year old is learning the violin and he insists on playing like my girlfriend. i thought it would be harmless to bring out my girlfriend's violin for him to play something, and to calm his hyper-active self down. granted, it was slightly too big for him, but he was plucking the strings and seemed to know how to use it. i had to dash out for a emergency (i was just next door) and when i returned after an hour, her bow was almost completely frayed. i took the violin away and scolded both of them.
my girlfriend came back home to a frayed bow. she was understandably upset, and to my surprise, even more upset when i told her the entire story. she asked me if i would like to pay for the repair (or replacement) of the violin bow. i thought that my sister would have to chalk up the fees because it was her kids (my nephews) who caused the damage in the first place. my girlfriend disagreed and defended my sister not paying the fees when i prompted her to. i keep refusing every time she asks. i'm not stopping from practicing either, she has a spare bow.
am i really the ah? i shouldn't be faulted for someone else's kids problems.
| 9,056 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i7f46a/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_to_repair_my_girlfriends/
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2020-08-10 22:21:52
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yta, holy shit.
if someone took out my instrument and handed it to a *ten* year old and then *left them alone for an hour* with it, they would never be allowed back in my home again.
shame on you for failing to see the value of the instrument, shame on you for giving it to a child, and shame on you for refusing to pay for it.
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yta
dude, you are the only one that put the instrument and bow in a child’s hand. you are completely to blame
one redditor mentioned how pricey the bow could be. i suspect that’s why he really doesn’t want to pay
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yta. what? you offered up an expensive piece of equipment to a child and then left him unsupervised. you are 100% to blame.
if the kid had dug it out himself i'd probably say your sister should pay. but you literally put it in his hands. duh. earth to op.
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yta. you took your girlfriend's belongings without permission and allowed a 10 year old to handle an exspensive instrument unsupervised?
the reason why she didn't ask your sister for money to replace the bow is because, despite the kid being hers, she didn't give the instrument to him. you did.
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if this isn’t fake, yta.
you gave your nephew your girlfriends instrument to play with. it is not a toy. you had taken responsibility for your sisters kids while she was away. you are the one who messed up and therefore you are the one who needs to replace the bow.
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[removed]
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yta. you handed your girlfriend's incredibly expensive instrument to a child (without her permission!), and then left him unattended. literally anyone with half a brain could see this disaster coming. you are absolutely responsible for the costs incurred. the sister didn't make this fuckup, you did, so you need to pay for it.
go to your gf, apologise, peel open your wallet and pray to god it wasn't a 1k+ bow you destroyed.
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omg. you give a 10 y.o. your girlfriend’s violin? do you know how much that costs? and bows can even be more expensive? my daughter had a starter adult cello, nothing to brag about 15 years ago and it cost me $5,000! bows can cost thousands too!
and not to mention you left two children alone for a freaking hour?
you are the biggest ah ever. you are lucky your girlfriend is 1) still your girlfriend and 2) only asking you to repair the bow.
and what’s up with calling learning music an excruciating task?
your girlfriend deserves a better person as her so. your are a freaking moron. i hope your gf and your sister kick some sense into your entitled microbrain.
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yta. classical violinist here. instruments are *sacred* to their players. it is their most prized possession. you never under any circumstance let someone else touch it without their permission, let alone a hyperactive child who can barely play. you said a frayed bow. did all the hair break or did the bow itself break? either way, shame on you. you fucked up. you pay.
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yta. you handed an expensive piece of equipment that was not yours to a child, who you then left unsupervised, resulting in the ruin of that expensive thing that doesn't belong to you. you're damn right you're on the hook for this because it was your choice to tamper with someone else's stuff, and your negligence that led to its ruin. if your sister wants to kick in because it's her kid, well, that's fair too, but your sister wasn't the one who created this whole avoidable mess.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: throwaway because i don't want this tied to my main. my girlfriend is a talented musician. she plays multiple instruments and has an angelic voice. she's dedicated her life to this excruciating task, and it's truly paid off. my sister has 2 boys, a 10 year-old and a 8 year old. they are extremely active and love running around, which usually ends in a mess being created. the boys adore my girlfriend, they love everything about her, which i find very cute. the boys came to stay with me for a day when my sister and my girlfriend were out of town (separately.) the 10 year old is learning the violin and he insists on playing like my girlfriend. i thought it would be harmless to bring out my girlfriend's violin for him to play something, and to calm his hyper-active self down. granted, it was slightly too big for him, but he was plucking the strings and seemed to know how to use it. i had to dash out for a emergency (i was just next door) and when i returned after an hour, her bow was almost completely frayed. i took the violin away and scolded both of them. my girlfriend came back home to a frayed bow. she was understandably upset, and to my surprise, even more upset when i told her the entire story. she asked me if i would like to pay for the repair (or replacement) of the violin bow. i thought that my sister would have to chalk up the fees because it was her kids (my nephews) who caused the damage in the first place. my girlfriend disagreed and defended my sister not paying the fees when i prompted her to. i keep refusing every time she asks. i'm not stopping from practicing either, she has a spare bow. am i really the ah? i shouldn't be faulted for someone else's kids problems.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
throwaway because i don't want this tied to my main. my girlfriend is a talented musician. she plays multiple instruments and has an angelic voice. she's dedicated her life to this excruciating task, and it's truly paid off. my sister has 2 boys, a 10 year-old and a 8 year old. they are extremely active and love running around, which usually ends in a mess being created. the boys adore my girlfriend, they love everything about her, which i find very cute. the boys came to stay with me for a day when my sister and my girlfriend were out of town (separately.) the 10 year old is learning the violin and he insists on playing like my girlfriend. i thought it would be harmless to bring out my girlfriend's violin for him to play something, and to calm his hyper-active self down. granted, it was slightly too big for him, but he was plucking the strings and seemed to know how to use it. i had to dash out for a emergency (i was just next door) and when i returned after an hour, her bow was almost completely frayed. i took the violin away and scolded both of them. my girlfriend came back home to a frayed bow. she was understandably upset, and to my surprise, even more upset when i told her the entire story. she asked me if i would like to pay for the repair (or replacement) of the violin bow. i thought that my sister would have to chalk up the fees because it was her kids (my nephews) who caused the damage in the first place. my girlfriend disagreed and defended my sister not paying the fees when i prompted her to. i keep refusing every time she asks. i'm not stopping from practicing either, she has a spare bow. am i really the ah? i shouldn't be faulted for someone else's kids problems. [/INST] yta, holy shit. if someone took out my instrument and handed it to a *ten* year old and then *left them alone for an hour* with it, they would never be allowed back in my home again. shame on you for failing to see the value of the instrument, shame on you for giving it to a child, and shame on you for refusing to pay for it. </s>
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AITA For not switching places with my friend and ruining her life
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this happened a couple weeks ago but i'm still getting shit about it.
a friend of mine daya (fake name) asked me if i wanted to come with her on some errands and see her new car. i said yes because i had some things to get done and my car was being checked over. (we're in the same bubble and stayed masked the whole time)
well while we were out daya ended up hitting another car while turning left. we were both shaken but mostly fine yet but when i started to call the police daya started freaking out even more. she started begging me not to call the cops and to just go talk to the other driver. i didn't feel comfortable not calling them so i went ahead and did. then daya started begging me to get in the driver's seat, saying i had to get in the driver's seat, i had to claim i was the one driving. turns out daya doesn't have a license. she needed/wanted a car but didn't feel like getting her license so her mom bought the car for her.
i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police so i continued to refuse and just got out of the car and waited on the sidewalk for them to get there. well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident.
now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places. she is now facing multiple fines, possible jail time, and being kicked out of our ma program because of all this. i tried to explain that i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police but she just keeps calling me a "privileged bitch" and wishing horrible things would happen to me.
so am i the asshole for not switching places with her?
| 23,456 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/l5gpw6/aita_for_not_switching_places_with_my_friend_and/
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2021-01-26 15:51:45
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nta. you could get into financial, legal trouble (insurance fraud) for lying. you did the right thing. she's mad because she brought all this on herself.
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no. don’t drive without a license. she wasn’t even doing something heroic... she was running errands, if daya is this mean to you, she’s not a good friend. this isn’t a white lie, this is literally not having a license or insurance, doing some dumb show off car run, being in an ma program and getting her mom and friends to gang up on you; find better friends
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nta
she ruined her own life. she and her mom chose to be irresponsible. not only did they do something illegal but then asked you to do something illegal.
block her on all platforms. if she continues to harass you because she’s an idiot that did idiotic things, tell her you’ll inform the police that you are being harassed.
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>now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places.
you don't need any of those people in your life.
**nta** and i'm sad that for one moment you even considered you were one.
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“aita for not volunteering to commit [several crimes](https://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/criminal-defense/crime-penalties/lie-police-friend.htm) for a friend and her mother who were breaking the law?”
nta
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nta
not in any way at all.
she's been massively selfish, first in just thinking she has the right to drive around without a license or insurance. absolute ah thing to do. secondly in just assuming you would carry the can for her. *maybe* if you'd gone a long with it there wouldn't have been any consequences, maybe there would. you could have been charged wit dangerous driving or for perverting the course of justice. it's not on you to take that risk all because of her stupidity.
imagine having the balls to call *you* a privileged bitch! this girl sounds like she just swans around thinking the world owes her a favour and none of her actions should have consequences.
her life isn't ruined. maybe she's going to pay a high price and learn a pretty tough lesson but that's fair. it's up to her to learn that lesson, be a better person, and put this behind her.
|
nta
so she did several illegal things, that are each a big no no
- driving without a license
- driving a car without registration
- driving without insurance
she and her mom definitely should have known better than doing/allowing that.
she also risked your life by letting you get into the car with her under false premises because i suspect you thought she had actual, you know, training how to drive safely and a license to show she did.
and she, her mom and those bullys now say your ta because you refused to do other illegal things on top of that? doesn't work like that!
also you did the absolute right thing. you could have gotten in serious legal trouble switching places with her because aside from the lying to the police then you would have been the one driving without registration and insurance. also, seeing there is no insurance, the cost of the damage would have legally been on you. seeing what a peach your friend and her mother are, you can't be sure they wouldn't have let you sit on that.
also, she got in legal trouble and kicked out of school because of a decision she made. even if it wasn't so detrimental for you to do so you're under no moral obligation to safe her from the consequences of her own actions.
i would seriously cut contact. friend and mom sound super toxic. find a friend who won't get you into trouble.
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nta; if you had lied and it came to light at any point, you would be charged for a lot of things and would get in trouble financially and legally.
also it's not about privilege since apparently your friend could afford a license, she just didn't feel like it. well maybe if she had, she wouldn't have hit the other car because she would have learned how to drive with a proper instructor.
looks like it's the consequences of her own actions. she should have thought of all that before doing something both illegal and extremely dangerous. there's a reason people \*learn\* how to drive; it's not as easy as it looks on the outside.
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nta.
>well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident.
she did this herself
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nta
you didn’t ruin her life. daya ruined her own life. period.
the bad news here is that you have lost daya as a friend, though i’m not sure you would want a friend like that.
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: this happened a couple weeks ago but i'm still getting shit about it. a friend of mine daya (fake name) asked me if i wanted to come with her on some errands and see her new car. i said yes because i had some things to get done and my car was being checked over. (we're in the same bubble and stayed masked the whole time) well while we were out daya ended up hitting another car while turning left. we were both shaken but mostly fine yet but when i started to call the police daya started freaking out even more. she started begging me not to call the cops and to just go talk to the other driver. i didn't feel comfortable not calling them so i went ahead and did. then daya started begging me to get in the driver's seat, saying i had to get in the driver's seat, i had to claim i was the one driving. turns out daya doesn't have a license. she needed/wanted a car but didn't feel like getting her license so her mom bought the car for her. i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police so i continued to refuse and just got out of the car and waited on the sidewalk for them to get there. well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident. now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places. she is now facing multiple fines, possible jail time, and being kicked out of our ma program because of all this. i tried to explain that i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police but she just keeps calling me a "privileged bitch" and wishing horrible things would happen to me. so am i the asshole for not switching places with her?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
this happened a couple weeks ago but i'm still getting shit about it. a friend of mine daya (fake name) asked me if i wanted to come with her on some errands and see her new car. i said yes because i had some things to get done and my car was being checked over. (we're in the same bubble and stayed masked the whole time) well while we were out daya ended up hitting another car while turning left. we were both shaken but mostly fine yet but when i started to call the police daya started freaking out even more. she started begging me not to call the cops and to just go talk to the other driver. i didn't feel comfortable not calling them so i went ahead and did. then daya started begging me to get in the driver's seat, saying i had to get in the driver's seat, i had to claim i was the one driving. turns out daya doesn't have a license. she needed/wanted a car but didn't feel like getting her license so her mom bought the car for her. i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police so i continued to refuse and just got out of the car and waited on the sidewalk for them to get there. well daya got arrested for driving without a license, insurance, or registration for her car and just told me today she has been found at fault for the accident. now daya, her mom, and half of our friends are saying i'm an asshole for not just switching places. she is now facing multiple fines, possible jail time, and being kicked out of our ma program because of all this. i tried to explain that i didn't feel comfortable lying to the police but she just keeps calling me a "privileged bitch" and wishing horrible things would happen to me. so am i the asshole for not switching places with her? [/INST] nta. you could get into financial, legal trouble (insurance fraud) for lying. you did the right thing. she's mad because she brought all this on herself. </s>
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AITA for kicking girlfriend out after she deleted dead wife’s pictures from my phone?
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my (25m) wife died 19 months ago. it was real hard on my the first few months but finally started putting myself back out there. i met girlfriend (23f) 7 months ago. it was going pretty well and she moved into my apartment around 4ish months ago. in hindsight we probably rushed this.
my girlfriend is very overprotective and clingy and scared of me cheating as she’s been hurt in the past. i let her have my phone password so she could ease her mind. she saw a photo of me and wife and asked who she was and i explained. she seemed to take it well but was a little bit awkward about it.
fast forward 3 days and i go to take a shower and leave my phone on charge in the bedroom. i come out to see my phone unlocked. weird but i let it slide. later in that day i go through my photos to upload a new profile picture to facebook. all the photos of my wife and me and her together are gone without a trace. i check my snapchat my eyes only because i had a few in there along with intimate photos of us together. i knew it was my girlfriend.
i confronted her about it and she started yelling. she said i need to get over it and get rid of all the reminders of my wife because she was here now. she also called me really creepy for “having nude pictures of a dead girl”. (granted i probably should have deleted those a long time ago but i didn’t want to because they were special to me, might be ah on my part there). i was livid. i told her to get out. she stared at me in disbelief as i told her again. she packed some stuff and left. i went to my room and cried. i woke up to many missed calls and angry texts from her and her friends for calling me the ah. this might not have been a big deal but she permanently got rid of 95% of the pictures of my wife. i still have some printed like the wedding and some vacations, but i’m still missing a big chunk of them. i feel like she deleted a part of me as well. i’ve had to block multiple numbers (including my sisters, wtf). i do miss her though and want to talk but i’m confused. reddit, am i in the wrong?
| 24,955 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hy04og/aita_for_kicking_girlfriend_out_after_she_deleted/
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2020-07-26 03:51:08
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nta.
don't let her back in your life, she needs therapy for her issues.
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nta.
who the fuck thinks it’s ok to delete someone else’s photos. doesn’t matter what it is. but especially photos of their precious spouse who passed away. those photos being there so not hurt her in anyway. i’m sorry this happened. are you able to retrieve some kind of backup? try posting in a subreddit able to help. i’ve seen miracles happen for people who have lost special photos.
**
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nta - you handled this situation far better than i would have. she deserved to be kicked to the curb for that.
can you go to any it place and see if they can recover the photos?
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nta-this chick is nuts, block her everywhere and change your locks
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[removed]
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nta. those were your private photos of your deceased spouse and i am so sorry. that bunny boiler had no excuse to permanently delete what a) did not belong to her and b) you can never get back. she's clearly an immature psycho. get well rid of her.
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nta. she's jealous of your late wife. as in the one person you can literally never ever cheat on her with. she completely ruined memories that you cannot get back due to her own insecurities and need to control you and didn't even apologize.
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nta - take your phone to a data recovery place asap and try not to take many new photos until you do! there’s a good chance they can get the photos back
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nta - don't let her manipulate you - those were your memories to hold onto.
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nta. i’m so sorry you lost not only your wife, but so many pictures of her. i get how your girlfriend feels - living in the shadow of a spouse who has passed can be very difficult - but she took a permanent, irrevocable step as the only step. instead of asking you to keep the pictures on a flash drive, or make some other compromise where they were somewhere safe but weren’t on your phone, your girlfriend made a choice for you that can be incredibly damaging, and will likely mean more grieving.
while kicking her out is also a pretty drastic step, it’s understandable and at least undoable if you end up changing your mind. whether or not you do should be entirely up to you.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my (25m) wife died 19 months ago. it was real hard on my the first few months but finally started putting myself back out there. i met girlfriend (23f) 7 months ago. it was going pretty well and she moved into my apartment around 4ish months ago. in hindsight we probably rushed this. my girlfriend is very overprotective and clingy and scared of me cheating as she’s been hurt in the past. i let her have my phone password so she could ease her mind. she saw a photo of me and wife and asked who she was and i explained. she seemed to take it well but was a little bit awkward about it. fast forward 3 days and i go to take a shower and leave my phone on charge in the bedroom. i come out to see my phone unlocked. weird but i let it slide. later in that day i go through my photos to upload a new profile picture to facebook. all the photos of my wife and me and her together are gone without a trace. i check my snapchat my eyes only because i had a few in there along with intimate photos of us together. i knew it was my girlfriend. i confronted her about it and she started yelling. she said i need to get over it and get rid of all the reminders of my wife because she was here now. she also called me really creepy for “having nude pictures of a dead girl”. (granted i probably should have deleted those a long time ago but i didn’t want to because they were special to me, might be ah on my part there). i was livid. i told her to get out. she stared at me in disbelief as i told her again. she packed some stuff and left. i went to my room and cried. i woke up to many missed calls and angry texts from her and her friends for calling me the ah. this might not have been a big deal but she permanently got rid of 95% of the pictures of my wife. i still have some printed like the wedding and some vacations, but i’m still missing a big chunk of them. i feel like she deleted a part of me as well. i’ve had to block multiple numbers (including my sisters, wtf). i do miss her though and want to talk but i’m confused. reddit, am i in the wrong?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my (25m) wife died 19 months ago. it was real hard on my the first few months but finally started putting myself back out there. i met girlfriend (23f) 7 months ago. it was going pretty well and she moved into my apartment around 4ish months ago. in hindsight we probably rushed this. my girlfriend is very overprotective and clingy and scared of me cheating as she’s been hurt in the past. i let her have my phone password so she could ease her mind. she saw a photo of me and wife and asked who she was and i explained. she seemed to take it well but was a little bit awkward about it. fast forward 3 days and i go to take a shower and leave my phone on charge in the bedroom. i come out to see my phone unlocked. weird but i let it slide. later in that day i go through my photos to upload a new profile picture to facebook. all the photos of my wife and me and her together are gone without a trace. i check my snapchat my eyes only because i had a few in there along with intimate photos of us together. i knew it was my girlfriend. i confronted her about it and she started yelling. she said i need to get over it and get rid of all the reminders of my wife because she was here now. she also called me really creepy for “having nude pictures of a dead girl”. (granted i probably should have deleted those a long time ago but i didn’t want to because they were special to me, might be ah on my part there). i was livid. i told her to get out. she stared at me in disbelief as i told her again. she packed some stuff and left. i went to my room and cried. i woke up to many missed calls and angry texts from her and her friends for calling me the ah. this might not have been a big deal but she permanently got rid of 95% of the pictures of my wife. i still have some printed like the wedding and some vacations, but i’m still missing a big chunk of them. i feel like she deleted a part of me as well. i’ve had to block multiple numbers (including my sisters, wtf). i do miss her though and want to talk but i’m confused. reddit, am i in the wrong? [/INST] nta. don't let her back in your life, she needs therapy for her issues. </s>
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AITA for honestly telling my GF what I would change about her?
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i watched a tiktok where a couple asked each other what they would change about each other and they both said nothing, they’re both perfect and they love each other very much etc. so i thought let me try this with my girlfriend, without filming of course. she said “i wouldn’t change anything about you, maybe i would make you less anxious about everyday stuff so you wouldn’t suffer“. it’s true, i tend to be very anxious and obsessive compulsive sometimes but i’m dealing with it.
then she asked me what i would change about her. i told her i would like her to have her old body back, meaning before the pandemic when she was more muscular and a little bit thinner. also i told her she could be less hairy in some areas like her face and arms and i wish her hair was more cared for. i wouldn’t change anything fundamental about her appearance, maybe make her legs a little bit thinner but all my requests are very much achievable with a little effort. she didn’t seem to appreciate my comments, her expression changed and she locked herself in her room without saying anything. we slept on different beds and the next day she told me something very hurtful. she said “i don’t think that your appearance is perfect either, there are some issues but i love you enough not to pester you about them.” when i asked her what she meant she replied that she wished i followed her skincare advice to get rid of my acne and that i would work out with her more. i told her the difference is that i was honest and she lied. she didn’t say anything but it was obvious that she had been crying the whole night. she went to her sister’s house and hasn’t been responding to my messages
so am i the ah for being honest?
| 10,597 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t177hl/aita_for_honestly_telling_my_gf_what_i_would/
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2022-02-25 15:53:49
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yta. you saw an opportunity to confront your gf about things you’re not attracted to under the guise of “oh look how fun and sweet”. you tricked her and made her feel like shit.
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yta you saw a trend on tik tok of two people accepting each other and decided to use it as a way to nitpick your gf's appearance.
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yta. you actually think your appearance is perfect? you don't deserve her, and i'm willing to bet she's way out of your league anyways. negging is so toxic.
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hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha—gasps for air—hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... yta.
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yta. "all my requests are very much achievable with a little effort". good god. go date someone else who doesn't have to put in effort to change things about themselves for you. it is understandable to have a preference for a partner...it can be brought up in a much better way if it's that important (imo this would be something affecting quality of life). if you're not attracted to her don't be with her. you saw an opportunity to point out how you want her skinnier and hairless and jumped on it. well done.
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yta - come on, man. how did you even write this?
"i told her i would like her to have her old body back, meaning before the pandemic when she was more muscular and a little bit thinner. also i told her she could be less hairy in some areas like her face and arms and i wish her hair was more cared for. **i wouldn’t change anything fundamental about her appearance**, maybe make her legs a little bit thinner but all my requests are very much achievable with a little effort."
your gf thought you were doing a lame cutesy thing where you both say "you're perfect already!" and you go "i wouldn't change anything fundamental but... could you lose 25 pounds, start working out, and make an appointment with an esthetician already?"
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yta. a huge asshole. you saw the tiktok, you started the conversation. your gf didn't criticize you like that - and you turned what was supposed to be cute into an opportunity to criticize her and ask her to change her body.
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yta. the fact that you got your feelings hurt when your gf made a comment abt your body is a double standard. don’t comment on her body if you didn’t want your body commented on.
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yta. it was your idea to start this conversation, and you did it so that you could insult your girlfriend. was it worth it? you made your girlfriend cry.
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yta. you were just looking for an excuse to verbalize your criticisms.
if i were your girlfriend, and you asked me what it is you'd like to change, i'd wish that you weren't an asshole.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i watched a tiktok where a couple asked each other what they would change about each other and they both said nothing, they’re both perfect and they love each other very much etc. so i thought let me try this with my girlfriend, without filming of course. she said “i wouldn’t change anything about you, maybe i would make you less anxious about everyday stuff so you wouldn’t suffer“. it’s true, i tend to be very anxious and obsessive compulsive sometimes but i’m dealing with it. then she asked me what i would change about her. i told her i would like her to have her old body back, meaning before the pandemic when she was more muscular and a little bit thinner. also i told her she could be less hairy in some areas like her face and arms and i wish her hair was more cared for. i wouldn’t change anything fundamental about her appearance, maybe make her legs a little bit thinner but all my requests are very much achievable with a little effort. she didn’t seem to appreciate my comments, her expression changed and she locked herself in her room without saying anything. we slept on different beds and the next day she told me something very hurtful. she said “i don’t think that your appearance is perfect either, there are some issues but i love you enough not to pester you about them.” when i asked her what she meant she replied that she wished i followed her skincare advice to get rid of my acne and that i would work out with her more. i told her the difference is that i was honest and she lied. she didn’t say anything but it was obvious that she had been crying the whole night. she went to her sister’s house and hasn’t been responding to my messages so am i the ah for being honest?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i watched a tiktok where a couple asked each other what they would change about each other and they both said nothing, they’re both perfect and they love each other very much etc. so i thought let me try this with my girlfriend, without filming of course. she said “i wouldn’t change anything about you, maybe i would make you less anxious about everyday stuff so you wouldn’t suffer“. it’s true, i tend to be very anxious and obsessive compulsive sometimes but i’m dealing with it. then she asked me what i would change about her. i told her i would like her to have her old body back, meaning before the pandemic when she was more muscular and a little bit thinner. also i told her she could be less hairy in some areas like her face and arms and i wish her hair was more cared for. i wouldn’t change anything fundamental about her appearance, maybe make her legs a little bit thinner but all my requests are very much achievable with a little effort. she didn’t seem to appreciate my comments, her expression changed and she locked herself in her room without saying anything. we slept on different beds and the next day she told me something very hurtful. she said “i don’t think that your appearance is perfect either, there are some issues but i love you enough not to pester you about them.” when i asked her what she meant she replied that she wished i followed her skincare advice to get rid of my acne and that i would work out with her more. i told her the difference is that i was honest and she lied. she didn’t say anything but it was obvious that she had been crying the whole night. she went to her sister’s house and hasn’t been responding to my messages so am i the ah for being honest? [/INST] yta. you saw an opportunity to confront your gf about things you’re not attracted to under the guise of “oh look how fun and sweet”. you tricked her and made her feel like shit. </s>
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AITA for calling my sister selfish for having our parents pay for college when she has a full ride to another school?
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i (25f) live with my husband and two sons (3 and 6 m/o). we have been struggling financially, and both work in the service industry where it is very difficult to get time off, so my parents pay for my son’s daycare so we can work.
my sister jess (17f) got into a prestigious ivy league this year. she received financial aid so won’t have to pay the whole insane amount of money, but housing/reduced tuition comes out to about 10k a year. she also got into our local state school where she got a full ride, and wouldn’t have to pay anything. she decided on the ivy when our parents agreed to pay.
my parents recently sat me down and told me they would no longer be able to pay for my children’s daycare because they’re paying for jess’s college. their excuse is that they paid similar amounts to my college. i am extremely frustrated because i went to the cheapest college available for me, and think jess should have done the same. we’re all proud of her, but i feel like she’s putting her ego over her nephews. we simply cannot afford daycare and i will likely have to quit my job, which may mean we could be evicted.
i told this all to jess on the phone, and politely asked her to contact the state school to ask if they will still take her, and to take a gap year if not. she refused, and i got angry and called her selfish and immature. my husband agrees with me, but our parents are mad and won’t answer my calls. aita?
| 6,061 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vfcwlz/aita_for_calling_my_sister_selfish_for_having_our/
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2022-06-18 19:02:54
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yta. she doesn't have to chose her college based on your financial issues. you have been lucky your parents have funded your childcare this long. that is not their job, it is yours. she is not being selfish or immature. you however have a distinctive smell of entitled.
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info: is it true that they paid 10k for your college as well? because if so, it's not fair to your sister to deny her the money for her dream school. just because you chose the cheapest school doesn't mean she should have to.
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yta: you are trying to deny your sister an opportunity, that she earned, to attend an ivy league university because you chose to have two children that you cannot afford?
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yta. your decision to have children shouldn’t impact her at all. you’re an adult - figure it out.
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wow yta
you're an adult with a husband. start paying your own bills.
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yta
it’s more selfish and immature to expect your parents to pay for your children. your parent are paying for their daughter. they don’t need to put her future on the back burner because you and your husband can’t be responsible adults.
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yta good grief. pay for your own daycare.
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yta, bank of mum and dad does indeed run out. your parents are not showing favouritism by treating you both equally by paying similar amounts. your sister has a fantastic opportunity and you're being selfish.
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oh my, you are delusional. def yta. you are 25, get a grip on life.
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so if i understand correctly.... parents paid about 40k for your college degree. not sure what field you studied but you haven't been able to turn it into a good career (not dissing service industry jobs but you could have gotten into that field without a degree). now your parents are willing to shell out the same 40k for your sister's degree. even though it is the same cost, she can get much more value from an ivy league school on her resume. but you're upset because this means they can no longer subsidize you? yeah... yta
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YTA
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INFO
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0.003 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (25f) live with my husband and two sons (3 and 6 m/o). we have been struggling financially, and both work in the service industry where it is very difficult to get time off, so my parents pay for my son’s daycare so we can work. my sister jess (17f) got into a prestigious ivy league this year. she received financial aid so won’t have to pay the whole insane amount of money, but housing/reduced tuition comes out to about 10k a year. she also got into our local state school where she got a full ride, and wouldn’t have to pay anything. she decided on the ivy when our parents agreed to pay. my parents recently sat me down and told me they would no longer be able to pay for my children’s daycare because they’re paying for jess’s college. their excuse is that they paid similar amounts to my college. i am extremely frustrated because i went to the cheapest college available for me, and think jess should have done the same. we’re all proud of her, but i feel like she’s putting her ego over her nephews. we simply cannot afford daycare and i will likely have to quit my job, which may mean we could be evicted. i told this all to jess on the phone, and politely asked her to contact the state school to ask if they will still take her, and to take a gap year if not. she refused, and i got angry and called her selfish and immature. my husband agrees with me, but our parents are mad and won’t answer my calls. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (25f) live with my husband and two sons (3 and 6 m/o). we have been struggling financially, and both work in the service industry where it is very difficult to get time off, so my parents pay for my son’s daycare so we can work. my sister jess (17f) got into a prestigious ivy league this year. she received financial aid so won’t have to pay the whole insane amount of money, but housing/reduced tuition comes out to about 10k a year. she also got into our local state school where she got a full ride, and wouldn’t have to pay anything. she decided on the ivy when our parents agreed to pay. my parents recently sat me down and told me they would no longer be able to pay for my children’s daycare because they’re paying for jess’s college. their excuse is that they paid similar amounts to my college. i am extremely frustrated because i went to the cheapest college available for me, and think jess should have done the same. we’re all proud of her, but i feel like she’s putting her ego over her nephews. we simply cannot afford daycare and i will likely have to quit my job, which may mean we could be evicted. i told this all to jess on the phone, and politely asked her to contact the state school to ask if they will still take her, and to take a gap year if not. she refused, and i got angry and called her selfish and immature. my husband agrees with me, but our parents are mad and won’t answer my calls. aita? [/INST] yta. she doesn't have to chose her college based on your financial issues. you have been lucky your parents have funded your childcare this long. that is not their job, it is yours. she is not being selfish or immature. you however have a distinctive smell of entitled. </s>
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AITA for being an adult and drinking what I think is an appropriate amount (that is above guidelines for women, granted)?
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i drink anywhere from 3 to 4 beers on a work night. i probably will have maybe 15-20 beers over a weekend. i have an extremely stressful job and it’s how i unwind. i am 36, female btw.
my husband claims he’s worried about my drinking. i just think he’s judging me to make my life harder. he’s recently taking to saying i smell bad and won’t sleep in the same bed with me. he says i’m hiding my alcoholism behind drinking expensive beer like ipa and wine and things like prosecco. i just thing he’s being an ass and judging me.
to me, i’m a adult, i’m not breaking any laws, my overall health is good and im a top performer at work. to me i’m not hurting anyone.
am i the asshole here?
| 4,455 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bgha4h/aita_for_being_an_adult_and_drinking_what_i_think/
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2019-04-23 14:51:45
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yta that’s literally the definition of a functioning alcoholic. if your job is making you so stressed you need to drink that much it’s an issue. you need to find a healthier way to relax because that many beers is a problem.
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you are not an asshole, you are sick. that's a *fuckload* of beer my dude. it doesn't matter what you're drinking. if alcohol is the only way you can destress, you have a problem. please seek help.
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yta and an alcoholic.
> to me, i’m a adult, i’m not breaking any laws
do you seriously need to be told that just because you're not breaking any laws, doesn't mean what you're doing isn't harmful?
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yta, not for your drinking but for the way you're handling this towards your husband. he's obviously worried about you (and rightfully so - using alcohol consumption to unwind is a recipe for addiction, and you're already drinking too much), he won't sleep with you, and you think whether or not breaking the law is relevant here? you think he is being the ass, and intentionally making your life harder?
i don't mean to be rude, but with your defensive behavior, it sounds like you already know your drinking is a problem. i would highly recommend some form of therapy to help cope with your stressful life in healthier ways that won't both affect your long-term health and drive your husband away from you.
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yta
drinking that much daily isn’t normal for men or women. alcoholism comes in many forms. not just binge drinking, drinking daily is typically indicative of a problem. and you think being functional makes you fine. theres such a thing as a functional alcoholic. also totally not even considering your partners feelings.
alcohol is a drug, regardless of the fact it’s legal. any drug that’s taken every day should be monitored. why do you want to drink every day? and i promise you ingesting that many beers a week is not healthy even if you can run for miles, it’s still affecting your insides.
and just to clarify i’m a drinker. that comes from a long family history of alcohol abuse. some of what you’re saying sounds like the opening of an alcoholic.
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you're not being honest. heavy drinkers never admit to how much they're drinking. if your husband won't sleep with you because you smell, it is because the smell of alcohol is literally coming out through your pores.
you probably drink a six pack a day and 2 twelve packs on a weekend, easy. you are drinking an inappropriate amount. beer is filling and fattening. you probably aren't eating very well. you are probably packing on the pounds. aa meetings are free and you don't have to quit drinking to go to one. they are everywhere, all the time.
you might want to give it a try or you might find yourself without a husband. do you really think your behavior doesn't change with all this drinking? you are the classic alcoholic. denial, denial, denial.
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i have experience with this one. the real problem isn't how much you drink, it's your overall reliance on alcohol as a lifestyle. you're probably depositing a layer of fat on your liver right now. you feel fine, and you are fine for the most part. but when your liver has to fight another infection its functioning will be limited by the layer of fat, plus you won't be able to drink to unwind at that point. your career (and your life) is a marathon, not a sprint. try to find other ways to relax. limit your drinking before outside forces limit it for you.
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listen my friend, i’m an rn and on any given night my 32 bed unit has 2-8 detoxers on it. we only get detoxers that are in a really bad way, so i’m pretty confident that i can speak to what a hardcore alcoholic looks like, and many of their stories read just like yours. the biggest flag i read, actually, is that your husband says you smell. there is absolutely a smell that alcoholics have, and it is very distinctive. i know if someone is admitted for detox as soon as i walk in their room, whether or not i know anything else about them. i mean, your consumption amounts are well above normal, and the fact that you are drinking every day is pretty indicative of a problem, but the smell, to me, says you are going to need to medical support to get through.
you should go to the biggest er near you and tell them that you need help detoxing from alcohol. the small hospitals don’t have as many detox patients, and thus, the nurses aren’t as skilled at properly medicating people through it. we have medications that can ensure you don’t have a seizure (the biggest risk while detoxing), and can control your symptoms. no one gets through a detox feeling great the whole time, but we can usually make it manageable and honestly, most people don’t even need to come to my level of care. for most people, admitting they have a problem and need help is really humiliating and demoralizing, but the doctors and nurses who work with detoxers typically try their best to keep your dignity intact. we know that when people come in their self esteem is typically in the gutter and they have very few internal coping mechanisms, since they are used to coping with substance abuse.
you’re only 36. you have plenty of time to completely change careers if you feel like your job is really driving the drinking. at 40 beers a week, though, you’re looking at being one of my end stage liver failure patients in 10-20 years, though, and that’s literally the worst way to die. you don’t want to be 56 and demented because the alcohol gave you brain damage, or 60 and dying in a bed, surrounded by strangers, hallucinating and frightened with nothing anyone can do for you. you’re not an asshole, but your husband is right and you need help.
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yta
it sounds like you're ignoring your husband's genuine concern because you'd rather keep an unhealthy coping mechanism. listen to your partner- he most likely cares about you very deeply.
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yta, that's an insane amount of alcohol to be drinking. i'm a women and my "big weekend nights" are 3-4 beers. that's 40 beers in a single week. you are a functioning alcoholic and should really seek treatment. drinking constantly to cope with life stress is pretty much the definition of an alcoholic. even if it's somehow not effecting your mental health (which seems unlikely) you are gonna end up with liver problems if you keep going like that.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i drink anywhere from 3 to 4 beers on a work night. i probably will have maybe 15-20 beers over a weekend. i have an extremely stressful job and it’s how i unwind. i am 36, female btw. my husband claims he’s worried about my drinking. i just think he’s judging me to make my life harder. he’s recently taking to saying i smell bad and won’t sleep in the same bed with me. he says i’m hiding my alcoholism behind drinking expensive beer like ipa and wine and things like prosecco. i just thing he’s being an ass and judging me. to me, i’m a adult, i’m not breaking any laws, my overall health is good and im a top performer at work. to me i’m not hurting anyone. am i the asshole here?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i drink anywhere from 3 to 4 beers on a work night. i probably will have maybe 15-20 beers over a weekend. i have an extremely stressful job and it’s how i unwind. i am 36, female btw. my husband claims he’s worried about my drinking. i just think he’s judging me to make my life harder. he’s recently taking to saying i smell bad and won’t sleep in the same bed with me. he says i’m hiding my alcoholism behind drinking expensive beer like ipa and wine and things like prosecco. i just thing he’s being an ass and judging me. to me, i’m a adult, i’m not breaking any laws, my overall health is good and im a top performer at work. to me i’m not hurting anyone. am i the asshole here? [/INST] yta that’s literally the definition of a functioning alcoholic. if your job is making you so stressed you need to drink that much it’s an issue. you need to find a healthier way to relax because that many beers is a problem. </s>
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AITA for agreeing with her ex and not my sister?
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as a kid, i always looked up to my older sis because she was so cool, pretty, and the popular girl. i always tried to be like her, dressed like her, listen to her music, you get the idea. i was popular the 1st time i stepped through the hs door because i was basically a copy of her. i was overwhelmed by the attention but quickly found out she was mostly popular with only the guys. she “dated” many of the guys in our hs and they thought i would too. i was so embarrassed, i had our mom take me out to buy new clothes and everything. whatever she did, i went the opposite way. she wore tons of makeup, i wore none. she listened to a certain type of music, i didn’t. we went to different colleges.
fast forward to now. sis must have figured out her lifestyle wasn’t healthy so she stopped “dating” a bunch of men, deleted all of those apps, and met sam. he’s very good looking with a great personality and amazing job. he was smart, funny, outgoing, and can own the entire room when he walks in. he grew up in a different city so his family doesn’t live here but we’ve met and they’re amazing just like him. sam quickly replaced us as mom’s favorite child and became our dad’s best friend. he eventually proposed and everyone was over the moon. i was very happy for sis.
last week she came to my door looking like a complete wreck. she was crying so hard she couldn’t talk. after an hour or so, i calmed her down enough to get the story. apparently they were at a party and was mingling separately when he over heard some guys talking about her popularity. sam joined the group and got her “dating” history. 2 of the guys in that group “dated” her and about 4 other guys at that party did too, 1 of whom works with him (which is why they were there). he heard about the guys laughing about how all the men in the town were depressed when she went away to college but rejoiced when she came back. when they got home, he asked her, she told him the truth, and he left without saying a word.
i helped sis and she’s been staying with me for now. she hasn’t told anyone and have been trying to get in touch with sam and his family but they’re all ignoring her. everyone on our side is super confused because sam just disappeared. our cousin (my best friend) pinned me down the other day to ask what happened. i told her and she was appalled. she called him all sorts of names and insecure. i said i can understand from his view as we live in a small town and it’s hard to know many men and your coworkers “know” your future wife. then my cousin and i got into it. she said i should be supporting my sis no matter what. i argued i am supporting her but supporting doesn’t mean i have to agree with her.
now i might lose my best friend.
| 7,819 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yx5idv/aita_for_agreeing_with_her_ex_and_not_my_sister/
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2022-11-16 20:39:36
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yta-and so is your sister's ex...she deserves better.
quit punishing women for enjoying sex.
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hard yta. you sound pretty smug and judgmental.
that was her past. sister isn't like that now. she met a great guy, who is apparently judging her past. imho, he wasn't the right one for her anyway if he is like that. is he untouched? i agree with your friend, you should be supporting your sister.
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**yta**
and not a gentle one. you're literally suggesting that your sister should be be punished, apparently for the rest of her life (i mean, it's already been nearly 15 years, she's in her thirties), for making poor choices as a teenager. you know, at that time of her life when we're all insecure, desperately trying to fit in and be liked? you admit yourself that when you started high school you were so confused about how to do so that you styled yourself entirely after her like a little clone because you thought that was the best way to go about being liked. virtually no one makes good choices in adolescence. it's why we have those years . . . to grow and learn. adolescent brains are literally incapable of fully comprehending the long term consequences of their actions and behaviour (incomplete frontal cortexes).
and you think that well over a decade later, it's reasonable that your sister should not only be punished for things she did as a de facto child . . . but that you "understand" why a grown man who supposedly loved her and was looking to make a life with her would judge her in that way? and you think she's the one who deserves to be looked at sidelong for this, and not him? do you also use phrases like "used goods" to refer to women who have had multiple sexual partners before marriage? would you react the same way if it was one of the men she'd slept with all those years ago whose partner left him because he'd "made poor choices in high school and 'dated' too many women"?
yta, and shockingly hateful, sexist, and judgemental towards a sister who has never done anything to hurt you.
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yta. this is incredibly sexist. if she had been a guy, it would have been fine. as a woman, i always ask myself that question in any situation. would it be the same if this was a man doing it. would she have left him if he slept around in hs? and her friends were all talking about it. or is this a situation created by her exes trying to act alpha around her new man. crowding around talking about what? how they peed on her tree first? gross frat guy behavior. and doesn’t seem like u like ur sister that much. u have a terrible opinion of her. maybe she deserves it but not from anything u shared with us. how old are you? this seems very very immature.
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this is extremely “pick me” behaviour yta
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yta
from a male point of view:
neither of all those guys had the quality to keep her. everyone of them happily took advantage of her but now acts like she's to be outcast/blamed. what a bunch of worms.
sam had lots of good qualities but because he found out she had a life before him, what a surprise? he leaves without a word?
do defend him and put all the blame for him just leaving without a word, yta.
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yta so they‘re slut shaming her and being misogynistic, great
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yta...you support a sister in pain. unless her and sam had a pact to both remain virgins until marriage, she did nothing wrong. curious about sam's "dating" history. stop judging and just be a truly good sister.
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this sound veeeeery childish for 30yos… almost fake… hmmmm
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nah. controversial opinion but i would hate to be in a room and find out that my fiancé slept with half the people in the room. i would feel lied to because a lie in omission is still a lie. if he had told me his sexual history prior then i could’ve been prepared for what may happen or what people may say.
y’all ever watched gilmore girls where rory gets upset when she finds out that she was stuck in a room where all the girls had a fling with her boyfriend and she was like you could’ve at least warned me?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
NAH
| 0.013095 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: as a kid, i always looked up to my older sis because she was so cool, pretty, and the popular girl. i always tried to be like her, dressed like her, listen to her music, you get the idea. i was popular the 1st time i stepped through the hs door because i was basically a copy of her. i was overwhelmed by the attention but quickly found out she was mostly popular with only the guys. she “dated” many of the guys in our hs and they thought i would too. i was so embarrassed, i had our mom take me out to buy new clothes and everything. whatever she did, i went the opposite way. she wore tons of makeup, i wore none. she listened to a certain type of music, i didn’t. we went to different colleges. fast forward to now. sis must have figured out her lifestyle wasn’t healthy so she stopped “dating” a bunch of men, deleted all of those apps, and met sam. he’s very good looking with a great personality and amazing job. he was smart, funny, outgoing, and can own the entire room when he walks in. he grew up in a different city so his family doesn’t live here but we’ve met and they’re amazing just like him. sam quickly replaced us as mom’s favorite child and became our dad’s best friend. he eventually proposed and everyone was over the moon. i was very happy for sis. last week she came to my door looking like a complete wreck. she was crying so hard she couldn’t talk. after an hour or so, i calmed her down enough to get the story. apparently they were at a party and was mingling separately when he over heard some guys talking about her popularity. sam joined the group and got her “dating” history. 2 of the guys in that group “dated” her and about 4 other guys at that party did too, 1 of whom works with him (which is why they were there). he heard about the guys laughing about how all the men in the town were depressed when she went away to college but rejoiced when she came back. when they got home, he asked her, she told him the truth, and he left without saying a word. i helped sis and she’s been staying with me for now. she hasn’t told anyone and have been trying to get in touch with sam and his family but they’re all ignoring her. everyone on our side is super confused because sam just disappeared. our cousin (my best friend) pinned me down the other day to ask what happened. i told her and she was appalled. she called him all sorts of names and insecure. i said i can understand from his view as we live in a small town and it’s hard to know many men and your coworkers “know” your future wife. then my cousin and i got into it. she said i should be supporting my sis no matter what. i argued i am supporting her but supporting doesn’t mean i have to agree with her. now i might lose my best friend.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
as a kid, i always looked up to my older sis because she was so cool, pretty, and the popular girl. i always tried to be like her, dressed like her, listen to her music, you get the idea. i was popular the 1st time i stepped through the hs door because i was basically a copy of her. i was overwhelmed by the attention but quickly found out she was mostly popular with only the guys. she “dated” many of the guys in our hs and they thought i would too. i was so embarrassed, i had our mom take me out to buy new clothes and everything. whatever she did, i went the opposite way. she wore tons of makeup, i wore none. she listened to a certain type of music, i didn’t. we went to different colleges. fast forward to now. sis must have figured out her lifestyle wasn’t healthy so she stopped “dating” a bunch of men, deleted all of those apps, and met sam. he’s very good looking with a great personality and amazing job. he was smart, funny, outgoing, and can own the entire room when he walks in. he grew up in a different city so his family doesn’t live here but we’ve met and they’re amazing just like him. sam quickly replaced us as mom’s favorite child and became our dad’s best friend. he eventually proposed and everyone was over the moon. i was very happy for sis. last week she came to my door looking like a complete wreck. she was crying so hard she couldn’t talk. after an hour or so, i calmed her down enough to get the story. apparently they were at a party and was mingling separately when he over heard some guys talking about her popularity. sam joined the group and got her “dating” history. 2 of the guys in that group “dated” her and about 4 other guys at that party did too, 1 of whom works with him (which is why they were there). he heard about the guys laughing about how all the men in the town were depressed when she went away to college but rejoiced when she came back. when they got home, he asked her, she told him the truth, and he left without saying a word. i helped sis and she’s been staying with me for now. she hasn’t told anyone and have been trying to get in touch with sam and his family but they’re all ignoring her. everyone on our side is super confused because sam just disappeared. our cousin (my best friend) pinned me down the other day to ask what happened. i told her and she was appalled. she called him all sorts of names and insecure. i said i can understand from his view as we live in a small town and it’s hard to know many men and your coworkers “know” your future wife. then my cousin and i got into it. she said i should be supporting my sis no matter what. i argued i am supporting her but supporting doesn’t mean i have to agree with her. now i might lose my best friend. [/INST] yta-and so is your sister's ex...she deserves better. quit punishing women for enjoying sex. </s>
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AITA for threatening to call off our wedding because my fiancé is refusing to shave his beard for it?
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so i have been with my fiancé for over 3 years. we have been engaged for one of those years. our wedding is set for september 6th. my fiancé has been growing a beard ever since like march or so. i haven’t thought anything of it since i’ve seen him with a beard plenty of times before. i’d say since i’ve known him it’s been about 50/50 between him clean shaven and him having a beard. i jokingly brought up his beard and our wedding the other day. i said “you ready to have a clean face for our wedding?” he looked at me and was silent for a few seconds. he finally said “um i was going to leave my beard for the wedding” i gave him a pretty gross look and said “no you are not. that is not acceptable. i will not have that.” he got mad that i was telling him what to do and said that i can’t tell him what to do with his grooming preferences. i said that i have the right to since it is my wedding and i am marrying him.
we kept going back and forth about it until i said that i would cancel our wedding if he doesn’t shave. he didn’t budge. he ended up getting really mad by that comment and left shortly after. he’s barely texted me since that happened. i’ve told my friends and family about the situation and part of them agree with me while some say that i had no right to tell him to do that and that i was being a jerk for doing so. just to clarify, i don’t hate his beard, it’s fine. i think at times that it can be attractive. i just don’t really like the idea of him not being clean shaven on our wedding day. i feel as though the pictures will not be as classy and nice.
so reddit, am i the asshole in this situation?
| 5,736 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hzjt9u/aita_for_threatening_to_call_off_our_wedding/
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2020-07-28 18:16:17
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yta. as a woman, you should understand the concepts: my body, my choice. the fact you are denying him the right to choose what he wants is messed up. it would be the same as him telling you what to do with your hair. if you are that petty, just let the poor man go so he can find someone else. and btw, the wedding is about both bride and groom. i hate women like you who think the wedding is only about them. sorry to break it to you but it's not.
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yta - if thats enough to call it off, he shouldnt be marrying you anyway.
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lolll sorry, yta. threatening to call off your wedding over a beard? that’s a problem. also, it’s not only your wedding- it’s his, too.
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hard yta. wedding culture is so toxic these days. it's not just your wedding, it's his too! imagine if he asked you to lose 20 pounds or dye your hair before the big day? you wouldn't have it.
it would be reasonable to say, "honey, would you mind trimming your beard and making sure it's neat for the wedding?". instead you decided to be a brat, and i'm not surprised your fiance walked out.
it's really not cool to give ultimatums about your relationship over petty stuff. it would make anybody feel undervalued and unloved.
you need to apologize to him, chill about your wedding, and consider whether you want a 'perfect' party or a marriage.
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yta, his body his choice. imagine if he asked you to shave your head for the wedding?
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well, i mean as long as you have your priorities straight and have all of that 'for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, bearded or clean shaven' stuff in check.... this marriage is really going places!
/s
you've just shown your fiance that you have absurdly shallow conditions for loving him. and that you're ok with giving ultimatums.
of course, yta
the pictures will be less classy regardless, given that the bride is trashy af.
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yta. how would you react if your fiancé demanded that you cut your hair a certain way, and threatened to cancel the wedding if you didn’t? you’re being excessively controlling. it’s his wedding too, and he should get to have at least some say in his own appearance/comfort.
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yta
you call it your wedding in the post.
fact of the matter is that it is his wedding too, not just yours.
telling your partner they need to look a certain way is a sure fire way to breed resentment.
if you are seriously considering calling off your wedding over the hair on your fiancé’s face, you really need to re-evaluate why you’re getting married in the first place.
nobody likes a bridezilla.
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> i said that i have the right to since it is my wedding
are you always this controlling? at least he found out what you're like before the wedding. yta!
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please be a troll... yta. seriously
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so i have been with my fiancé for over 3 years. we have been engaged for one of those years. our wedding is set for september 6th. my fiancé has been growing a beard ever since like march or so. i haven’t thought anything of it since i’ve seen him with a beard plenty of times before. i’d say since i’ve known him it’s been about 50/50 between him clean shaven and him having a beard. i jokingly brought up his beard and our wedding the other day. i said “you ready to have a clean face for our wedding?” he looked at me and was silent for a few seconds. he finally said “um i was going to leave my beard for the wedding” i gave him a pretty gross look and said “no you are not. that is not acceptable. i will not have that.” he got mad that i was telling him what to do and said that i can’t tell him what to do with his grooming preferences. i said that i have the right to since it is my wedding and i am marrying him. we kept going back and forth about it until i said that i would cancel our wedding if he doesn’t shave. he didn’t budge. he ended up getting really mad by that comment and left shortly after. he’s barely texted me since that happened. i’ve told my friends and family about the situation and part of them agree with me while some say that i had no right to tell him to do that and that i was being a jerk for doing so. just to clarify, i don’t hate his beard, it’s fine. i think at times that it can be attractive. i just don’t really like the idea of him not being clean shaven on our wedding day. i feel as though the pictures will not be as classy and nice. so reddit, am i the asshole in this situation?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so i have been with my fiancé for over 3 years. we have been engaged for one of those years. our wedding is set for september 6th. my fiancé has been growing a beard ever since like march or so. i haven’t thought anything of it since i’ve seen him with a beard plenty of times before. i’d say since i’ve known him it’s been about 50/50 between him clean shaven and him having a beard. i jokingly brought up his beard and our wedding the other day. i said “you ready to have a clean face for our wedding?” he looked at me and was silent for a few seconds. he finally said “um i was going to leave my beard for the wedding” i gave him a pretty gross look and said “no you are not. that is not acceptable. i will not have that.” he got mad that i was telling him what to do and said that i can’t tell him what to do with his grooming preferences. i said that i have the right to since it is my wedding and i am marrying him. we kept going back and forth about it until i said that i would cancel our wedding if he doesn’t shave. he didn’t budge. he ended up getting really mad by that comment and left shortly after. he’s barely texted me since that happened. i’ve told my friends and family about the situation and part of them agree with me while some say that i had no right to tell him to do that and that i was being a jerk for doing so. just to clarify, i don’t hate his beard, it’s fine. i think at times that it can be attractive. i just don’t really like the idea of him not being clean shaven on our wedding day. i feel as though the pictures will not be as classy and nice. so reddit, am i the asshole in this situation? [/INST] yta. as a woman, you should understand the concepts: my body, my choice. the fact you are denying him the right to choose what he wants is messed up. it would be the same as him telling you what to do with your hair. if you are that petty, just let the poor man go so he can find someone else. and btw, the wedding is about both bride and groom. i hate women like you who think the wedding is only about them. sorry to break it to you but it's not. </s>
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AITA for reading my teenage daughters diary?
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i (m35) have a 16 year old daughter. i’ve been a single father since she was about 3 years old as i got sole legal custody due to some addiction issues her mother has. we have a really good relationship, but i always worry about her not having a woman to talk to.
over the past few months she hasn’t really seemed to be herself, i know she went through a bad break up but i’ve been worried it’s more than that. i’ve tried talking to her, and my sister only lives down the street so she’s tried talking to her also, but my daughter is really keeping to herself and it concerns me.
she went out to see her friends for the first time since quarantine started yesterday and asked me if i could give her room a quick tidy whilst she was gone. i agreed because she does a lot of chores but she’s not good at cleaning her room. whilst i was putting clothes back in her closet, i stumbled upon what i now know to be her diary.
i shouldn’t have read past the first page but i just wanted to know if there was anything going on she wasn’t telling me about. there were some pretty heartbreaking stuff for a father to read about how down she felt about herself, so when she got home i brought it up to her.
she asked me why this was suddenly coming up and when i told her i’d read her diary she absolutely flipped and told me it was an absolute violation of privacy and she’s completely humiliated. i told her i was just trying to protect her and she said it was none of my business and locked herself in her bedroom and hasn’t spoken to me since. aita?
| 18,173 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h7qfbl/aita_for_reading_my_teenage_daughters_diary/
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2020-06-12 18:38:04
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yta you violated her privacy. i know it’s incredibly difficult to hold back from what we think of as helping our children. but you have to think about it from her perspective.
regardless of your intentions you have violated her trust and need to work to rebuild that. start by apologizing and commit to both her and yourself that you will never do this again or anything like it.
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yta dude you just violated her privacy big time.
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yta - huge violation of her privacy and trust. when my mom did this to me i burned my diaries and stopped journaling entirely which was horrible for my mental health. its taken me 2 decades and a move across the entirety of canada to get to a point where journalling feels fulfilling and not like a bomb waiting to go off. if you want to know whats up with your kid: talk to her. if you still dont get the info you want, work on the relationship. end of discussion. reading private writing is never acceptable and i'd bet you have a lot of work ahead of you to rebuild this relationship.
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yta. congratulations, you’ve just guaranteed that your daughter will **never** talk to you about anything. way to go, champ. my mom was a lot like you and i’m telling you from experience that the whole “i’m violating you for your own good because i was just sooooo worrieddd” horse shit has the opposite effect you want it to. she’s only going to shut you out harder because she knows that you can’t be trusted. to give you an idea of what your future holds, i stopped telling my mother about anything that was going on in my life when i was 17 and i haven’t actually spoken to her since january.
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yta
as a 16 year old girl, i've gone threw the fear on my parents reading through my diary when i had one so much, that i would rip it up and start over every so often.
that's her privacy and you had no right to intrude on it. i don't mean to attack but it hits close to home for me. she needed time and you decided that you deserved to know then. going through a breakup, especially at that age is difficult and she didn't have to share her feelings with you.
you shouldn't have done that and her trust in you is most likely broken. if she wanted to and felt she could've, she would have come to you. but at this point, she may never do so again.
you need to apologize for what you've done and allow her to make the next move and this time, give her the time and right to decided privately without rushing her.
let also get some insight, i don't have a good relationship with my mother and don't confide my worries in her because of her breaches of my privacy. when i went through a breakup with someone of 2 years, my mom refused to accept my answer that we grew apart and asked my friends what happened. i'm still angry about it.
i don't care who you are, everybody deserves privacy. i hope everything turns okay for you and your daughter's relationship. sorry for my rant, it just hit close to home.
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i can’t believe you even have to ask. yta.
apologize and give her a combination safe to keep in her room for her private things.
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yta for sure. if you thought she didn’t trust you before you read the diary, you can be rest assured that she doesn’t trust you now.
judgement aside, most parents want what’s best for their kids, and there are better ways to go about this. have you thought about or talked about therapy for her? it may just be normal teenage stuff, but it might be helpful for her to have a third party observer with absolutely no interest in the matter to help her work through whatever’s going on.
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yta but! people need to calm down and stop treating you like hitler.
you did it out of concern without malicious intent.
you fucked up, bro. every dad fucks up so now you need to decide what kind of dad you're going to be.
a bad one and make bad decisions or a good one and make good decisions.
might i suggest starting with giving her her space then sitting her down and apologizing to her and explaining why you did it.
it wasn't to catch her doing something bad it was because you're worried about her. then let her decide how she feels about it. also never do it again ever for any reason.
you can tell her you won't and she might not believe you but there is things you can do it prove you're serious.
like giving her some tampering proof tape so she knows no one has read it or buy one she can lock or if you want to go way above and beyond a chest she can lock to prove to her that whatever she deems private it private and you trust her.
hope that helps and don't beat yourself up, this single incident doesn't make you a bad dad you just fucked up a bit and that happens.
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if i had gone through my sons room when i knew something was off, he might be alive today.
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unpopular opinion, apparently, but nta
you did this because you were worried about your daughter. was it an invasion of privacy? yes. but you needed to know what was going on.
she's clearly struggling with self esteem issues, but what if the diary had shown she was depressed and suicidal?
you weren't doing it for malicious reasons. was it the wrong thing to do? in a purely black and white world, yes. but that's not the world we live in, and you did it for the right reasons.
you need to make this right somehow, but the people with top comments are clearly being way too hard on you. you're not an asshole for reading her diary, even if that's the way she feels about it.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
NTA
| 0.031039 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i (m35) have a 16 year old daughter. i’ve been a single father since she was about 3 years old as i got sole legal custody due to some addiction issues her mother has. we have a really good relationship, but i always worry about her not having a woman to talk to. over the past few months she hasn’t really seemed to be herself, i know she went through a bad break up but i’ve been worried it’s more than that. i’ve tried talking to her, and my sister only lives down the street so she’s tried talking to her also, but my daughter is really keeping to herself and it concerns me. she went out to see her friends for the first time since quarantine started yesterday and asked me if i could give her room a quick tidy whilst she was gone. i agreed because she does a lot of chores but she’s not good at cleaning her room. whilst i was putting clothes back in her closet, i stumbled upon what i now know to be her diary. i shouldn’t have read past the first page but i just wanted to know if there was anything going on she wasn’t telling me about. there were some pretty heartbreaking stuff for a father to read about how down she felt about herself, so when she got home i brought it up to her. she asked me why this was suddenly coming up and when i told her i’d read her diary she absolutely flipped and told me it was an absolute violation of privacy and she’s completely humiliated. i told her i was just trying to protect her and she said it was none of my business and locked herself in her bedroom and hasn’t spoken to me since. aita?
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i (m35) have a 16 year old daughter. i’ve been a single father since she was about 3 years old as i got sole legal custody due to some addiction issues her mother has. we have a really good relationship, but i always worry about her not having a woman to talk to. over the past few months she hasn’t really seemed to be herself, i know she went through a bad break up but i’ve been worried it’s more than that. i’ve tried talking to her, and my sister only lives down the street so she’s tried talking to her also, but my daughter is really keeping to herself and it concerns me. she went out to see her friends for the first time since quarantine started yesterday and asked me if i could give her room a quick tidy whilst she was gone. i agreed because she does a lot of chores but she’s not good at cleaning her room. whilst i was putting clothes back in her closet, i stumbled upon what i now know to be her diary. i shouldn’t have read past the first page but i just wanted to know if there was anything going on she wasn’t telling me about. there were some pretty heartbreaking stuff for a father to read about how down she felt about herself, so when she got home i brought it up to her. she asked me why this was suddenly coming up and when i told her i’d read her diary she absolutely flipped and told me it was an absolute violation of privacy and she’s completely humiliated. i told her i was just trying to protect her and she said it was none of my business and locked herself in her bedroom and hasn’t spoken to me since. aita? [/INST] yta you violated her privacy. i know it’s incredibly difficult to hold back from what we think of as helping our children. but you have to think about it from her perspective. regardless of your intentions you have violated her trust and need to work to rebuild that. start by apologizing and commit to both her and yourself that you will never do this again or anything like it. </s>
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AITA for not making my daughter share her lottery winnings with her stepsister?
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even though she’s under 18 for holidays i always get my daughter a couple of scratchers that i will cash for her. my dad used to do the same for me and it was fun even if i didn’t win. the only rules i made about them are anything over a hundred dollars goes into a savings account for when she’s older.
i decided to give my stepdaughter some lottery tickets too. i had asked my wife about it beforehand and she was going to have the same rules with the money except she would be the one to hold onto anything over a hundred for her daughter since we keep our finances mostly separate.
my stepdaughter scratched hers and won $10. my daughter scratched hers and won $300. so i cashed them in and gave my daughter $100 and my stepdaughter the $10.
my stepdaughter was disappointed and my wife thinks i should have split up the money evenly so each of the girls got at least $55 to spend and $100 to save since the ticket and money were technically mine legally.
i don’t think splitting up my daughters money would have been fair to her. i certainly wouldn’t have made my stepdaughter to give mine any of her winnings if she won more.
edit. messed up on math. after taking out the $200 and splitting it up they would get $55 spend.
edit 2. a lot of people seem to have missed the part where i explained the rule i had about them, so i’ll repeat it. i am not keeping any of the money for myself. the $200 i didn’t give my daughter went into her savings account that she can use when she’s older.
edit 3. they’re $1 scratchers. the grand prize is under $1000. so no need to worry about one of them winning thousands or millions.
edit 4. the scratchers were a small side present. they both got lots of other presents too more suited to their interests.
| 18,230 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/egrws9/aita_for_not_making_my_daughter_share_her_lottery/
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2019-12-28 15:22:10
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nta that's how lottery works. whether or not it makes sense to teach them to spend money in the lottery is another topic.
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and here i thought we were talking about millions!
nta they are lotto tickets. life ain’t fair.
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nta. the tickets were given fairly, it’s gambling, gonna win some gonna lose some, welcome to life.
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nta - it’s not a life changing $100,000 winning.
my family always does some lottery tickets in the stocking. and somehow (honestly no foul play, just luck) my grandma or dad always win “big” ($50,$100) and my brother and i always get like $3. both girls had an equal chance of getting the winning ticket.
if one daughter had won $100,000 or $10,000,000 that would have changed the course of their life then yes there should be some sharing. but over $300? no. your daughter won it fair and square.
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nta the ahs are the ones who think that what's other people's is fair game. this was a game of chance.
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[deleted]
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nta
your daughter won that, it’d be unfair to take it away from her.
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nta — my parents did this with us growing up. always a fun exchange. my asshole brother (my brother is an asshole but i love him) won $1000 on his. my youngest brother won $500 and i didn’t win shit, but we had fun with it. the next year none of us won and the following year i won and they didn’t. they put the winnings into our savings account minus some money to spend, what we spent it on was up to us. tbh i’m glad they didn’t make any of us split it, it would have taken away from the gift they got us.
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nta. i hope your step daughter doesn’t create a lotto drama over this.
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oh god please stick to your guns here. your wife is totally out of line. would she react the same way do you think if the situation was reversed? genuinely would like an answer, im quite curious.
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| null | 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: even though she’s under 18 for holidays i always get my daughter a couple of scratchers that i will cash for her. my dad used to do the same for me and it was fun even if i didn’t win. the only rules i made about them are anything over a hundred dollars goes into a savings account for when she’s older. i decided to give my stepdaughter some lottery tickets too. i had asked my wife about it beforehand and she was going to have the same rules with the money except she would be the one to hold onto anything over a hundred for her daughter since we keep our finances mostly separate. my stepdaughter scratched hers and won $10. my daughter scratched hers and won $300. so i cashed them in and gave my daughter $100 and my stepdaughter the $10. my stepdaughter was disappointed and my wife thinks i should have split up the money evenly so each of the girls got at least $55 to spend and $100 to save since the ticket and money were technically mine legally. i don’t think splitting up my daughters money would have been fair to her. i certainly wouldn’t have made my stepdaughter to give mine any of her winnings if she won more. edit. messed up on math. after taking out the $200 and splitting it up they would get $55 spend. edit 2. a lot of people seem to have missed the part where i explained the rule i had about them, so i’ll repeat it. i am not keeping any of the money for myself. the $200 i didn’t give my daughter went into her savings account that she can use when she’s older. edit 3. they’re $1 scratchers. the grand prize is under $1000. so no need to worry about one of them winning thousands or millions. edit 4. the scratchers were a small side present. they both got lots of other presents too more suited to their interests.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
even though she’s under 18 for holidays i always get my daughter a couple of scratchers that i will cash for her. my dad used to do the same for me and it was fun even if i didn’t win. the only rules i made about them are anything over a hundred dollars goes into a savings account for when she’s older. i decided to give my stepdaughter some lottery tickets too. i had asked my wife about it beforehand and she was going to have the same rules with the money except she would be the one to hold onto anything over a hundred for her daughter since we keep our finances mostly separate. my stepdaughter scratched hers and won $10. my daughter scratched hers and won $300. so i cashed them in and gave my daughter $100 and my stepdaughter the $10. my stepdaughter was disappointed and my wife thinks i should have split up the money evenly so each of the girls got at least $55 to spend and $100 to save since the ticket and money were technically mine legally. i don’t think splitting up my daughters money would have been fair to her. i certainly wouldn’t have made my stepdaughter to give mine any of her winnings if she won more. edit. messed up on math. after taking out the $200 and splitting it up they would get $55 spend. edit 2. a lot of people seem to have missed the part where i explained the rule i had about them, so i’ll repeat it. i am not keeping any of the money for myself. the $200 i didn’t give my daughter went into her savings account that she can use when she’s older. edit 3. they’re $1 scratchers. the grand prize is under $1000. so no need to worry about one of them winning thousands or millions. edit 4. the scratchers were a small side present. they both got lots of other presents too more suited to their interests. [/INST] nta that's how lottery works. whether or not it makes sense to teach them to spend money in the lottery is another topic. </s>
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AITA for deciding I won't give any Christmas gifts this year after my mom cancelled a transaction on my card?
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i'm still angry over this and i may not write very well, and also i probably don't judge the situation very well being this angry so i came to you.
i'm a student. i have a student bank account, where my college gives me money for transport (when we had physical classes) or scholarship. these kind of bank accounts have no fees, but are age restricted (can't have one if you're over 25) and need an overseer. when i asked the bank about it, they told me it's just a security thing so i chosen mom because she's more tech savvy than dad.
well through some incredible luck i managed to get only top grades last year so i was awarded a study scholarship. great! i've been saving it up, looking forward to word wide black friday, eyeing an amazing drawing tablet. i do digital art on very old intros, the tablet i was eyeing is as big as my monitor, is a display one and all around amazing.
black friday rolls in, and amazon germany (closest to me) has it in stock at an amazing price! a price i could afford! i was so damn happy, i ordered it.
then i got a notice that the bank refused the card. i emailed amazon (their customer service is so fast) and we went over the card details and such making sure it was alright. it was and they advised me to call my bank.
it was odd, i had bought things online in the past with this card and it went through. i had enough money for it (even extra) so i thought maybe they had technical difficulties. but it was too late in the day to call and they don't work weekends, so i left an email.
only to find out today that for "big transactions" they ask for agreement from the overseer and that mine cancelled the transfer. i was like wtf and confronted mom about it (who throughout the weekend acted oblivious) and she told me that of course she couldn't let me "throw money on something i don't need" and that "i wouldn't have money for christmas presents if i bought that". then she had the audacity to ask me what i was planning to get my family this year.
i told her that they won't get anything more than a bread shadow* from me and i went to my room and cried on the carpet. i missed out on the offer, i can't afford the tablet anymore and it's all because mom wanted christmas gifts. and no, i won't get her anything. last year she got me a blouse too small for me that she later took for herself. she can gift herself this year too.
*bread shadow= expression for nothing in my language
| 22,572 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k3uz4l/aita_for_deciding_i_wont_give_any_christmas_gifts/
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2020-11-30 12:35:06
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nta.
i might have some sympathy for your mother if she vetoed the transaction because she was concerned that you wouldn't be able to afford things you needed, but it was incredibly selfish of her to veto a purchase because she wanted the money to be spent on christmas gifts instead.
does your mother have form for buying gifts "for you" that are really for her?
the blouse that doesn't fit seems like a classic case of that, given that, if it was a genuine mistake, one would expect that she would give you a gift receipt so you could exchange it for something that fit and that you liked, rather than commandeering it for herself.
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nta i would change the overseer on your account as well
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nta. take her off the account immediately too.
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nta you're mother is being ridiculous. she could have at the very least talked to you about it before canceling (not that canceling was right in any way) and then to act like she had no idea what happened for days. nope. no gifts for her.
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nta, i wouldn't buy presents ever again. it was your money and you're an adult.
i hope you manage to get that tablet again at some point.
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nta. your mom is a huge a-hole though. if her reasoning has been something mom-like like you need to have some cushion savings for emergencies, or she wanted you to start saving for your future (like a house or car) i could maybe give her a tiny pass, just because parents do be like that. but, she did this crazy thing for her own benefit?! that’s so inexcusable and selfish.
the logical thing for her to do would have been to call or text you and ask you what the large charge/transfer was for. but, she didn’t and i’m sorry you missed out on your tablet. if you want you can buy her a lump of coal.
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nta. as a student on a scholarship, i don't think you have a huge responsibility to spend money on gifts. it's certainly not something she should be pressuring you about. she shouldn't have cancelled the purchase, let alone without telling her about it.
i love the term "bread shadow."
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nta.
you worked hard to earn that drawing tablet. your mom sounds a bit selfish for wanting gifts only for herself and not for her child. take her off the card as soon as possible.
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nta
take her off your card. you don't owe *her* any gifts especially the way she treated you.
but you might consider trying to talk to her. she might not understand how important this drawing tablet is to you. lots of older people don't understand gadgets and why they're so expensive. it's your money though and she doesn't get a say in what you do with it. talking to her might help keep peace.
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nta, and whatever she gets 'you' this christmas, i'd make sure she can't take back. a too small blouse? well, you just loved the fabric, so you ripped the seams and will use it for something else. makeup you won't use? immediately rewrap it and gift to someone else. i'm petty like that
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
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NTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i'm still angry over this and i may not write very well, and also i probably don't judge the situation very well being this angry so i came to you. i'm a student. i have a student bank account, where my college gives me money for transport (when we had physical classes) or scholarship. these kind of bank accounts have no fees, but are age restricted (can't have one if you're over 25) and need an overseer. when i asked the bank about it, they told me it's just a security thing so i chosen mom because she's more tech savvy than dad. well through some incredible luck i managed to get only top grades last year so i was awarded a study scholarship. great! i've been saving it up, looking forward to word wide black friday, eyeing an amazing drawing tablet. i do digital art on very old intros, the tablet i was eyeing is as big as my monitor, is a display one and all around amazing. black friday rolls in, and amazon germany (closest to me) has it in stock at an amazing price! a price i could afford! i was so damn happy, i ordered it. then i got a notice that the bank refused the card. i emailed amazon (their customer service is so fast) and we went over the card details and such making sure it was alright. it was and they advised me to call my bank. it was odd, i had bought things online in the past with this card and it went through. i had enough money for it (even extra) so i thought maybe they had technical difficulties. but it was too late in the day to call and they don't work weekends, so i left an email. only to find out today that for "big transactions" they ask for agreement from the overseer and that mine cancelled the transfer. i was like wtf and confronted mom about it (who throughout the weekend acted oblivious) and she told me that of course she couldn't let me "throw money on something i don't need" and that "i wouldn't have money for christmas presents if i bought that". then she had the audacity to ask me what i was planning to get my family this year. i told her that they won't get anything more than a bread shadow* from me and i went to my room and cried on the carpet. i missed out on the offer, i can't afford the tablet anymore and it's all because mom wanted christmas gifts. and no, i won't get her anything. last year she got me a blouse too small for me that she later took for herself. she can gift herself this year too. *bread shadow= expression for nothing in my language
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i'm still angry over this and i may not write very well, and also i probably don't judge the situation very well being this angry so i came to you. i'm a student. i have a student bank account, where my college gives me money for transport (when we had physical classes) or scholarship. these kind of bank accounts have no fees, but are age restricted (can't have one if you're over 25) and need an overseer. when i asked the bank about it, they told me it's just a security thing so i chosen mom because she's more tech savvy than dad. well through some incredible luck i managed to get only top grades last year so i was awarded a study scholarship. great! i've been saving it up, looking forward to word wide black friday, eyeing an amazing drawing tablet. i do digital art on very old intros, the tablet i was eyeing is as big as my monitor, is a display one and all around amazing. black friday rolls in, and amazon germany (closest to me) has it in stock at an amazing price! a price i could afford! i was so damn happy, i ordered it. then i got a notice that the bank refused the card. i emailed amazon (their customer service is so fast) and we went over the card details and such making sure it was alright. it was and they advised me to call my bank. it was odd, i had bought things online in the past with this card and it went through. i had enough money for it (even extra) so i thought maybe they had technical difficulties. but it was too late in the day to call and they don't work weekends, so i left an email. only to find out today that for "big transactions" they ask for agreement from the overseer and that mine cancelled the transfer. i was like wtf and confronted mom about it (who throughout the weekend acted oblivious) and she told me that of course she couldn't let me "throw money on something i don't need" and that "i wouldn't have money for christmas presents if i bought that". then she had the audacity to ask me what i was planning to get my family this year. i told her that they won't get anything more than a bread shadow* from me and i went to my room and cried on the carpet. i missed out on the offer, i can't afford the tablet anymore and it's all because mom wanted christmas gifts. and no, i won't get her anything. last year she got me a blouse too small for me that she later took for herself. she can gift herself this year too. *bread shadow= expression for nothing in my language [/INST] nta. i might have some sympathy for your mother if she vetoed the transaction because she was concerned that you wouldn't be able to afford things you needed, but it was incredibly selfish of her to veto a purchase because she wanted the money to be spent on christmas gifts instead. does your mother have form for buying gifts "for you" that are really for her? the blouse that doesn't fit seems like a classic case of that, given that, if it was a genuine mistake, one would expect that she would give you a gift receipt so you could exchange it for something that fit and that you liked, rather than commandeering it for herself. </s>
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AITA for not following the school supply standards for my children?
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i - 35m - have two children, 9m and 5m. my littlest one is going into kindergarten and i was so excited to properly include him in our school shopping routine. he's always tagged along with his brother and gotten his own arts and crafts stuff to use at home, of course, but there's a new layer of excitement this year.
we always allow independence in choices, as long as it doesn't become inconvenient. for example, if my kid picks out the 120 count crayons, we might redirect him to the 96 count instead since that's easier to carry around in his backpack. other than practicality, we don't try to persuade them in any way. it's always a fun experience and a great way to kick off the school year (and to relieve some of those "oh god my baby is leaving me" fears for my husband and i with our 5yo.) we usually grab quite a few of the items on the teacher's wish list as well and make a point to wrap it up nicely as a little thank you present from our children to the educator that will be spending the year with them.
this year upon receiving the school supplies list, there is a note made at the top that all supplies should be exactly as listed on the sheet (such as, a 24 pack of crayons) as all items will be shared with every student in the class. this was confusing for me, as i buy the items specifically for my children.
i decided i was going to go through with our supply shopping tradition as normal - never getting anything less than what was required, of course - and send a note with both of my boys that their items would be their own and could be kept in their backpacks as usual. when i expressed this sentiment to those around me (aside from my husband, who was on my side) they weren't very receptive to the idea.
aita for not following the rules listed?
**
| 6,038 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wbf250/aita_for_not_following_the_school_supply/
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2022-07-29 20:36:30
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yta - for the reasons others have mentioned, 14 years in the public schools. you don't want to start the year being that parent, you just don't. most classrooms i was in, extra items were simply sent home or not used.
may i suggest that you could set up a homework station at home with some of the 'off list' items that your kiddos would like.
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from a teacher: yta. there’s a reason that teachers require certain things on supply lists. especially if items are going to be shared. you trying to individualize supplies for your kids just makes it harder on the teacher when they have 25+ more kids like yours to manage in their classroom. shared supplies also create a sense of accountability for the children. what you’re doing is just teaching your kids that it’s okay to not follow directions and do what they want to do. following directions is one of the biggest problems with kids in schools rn.
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hi. teacher here. first, thank you for always making sure to buy items from the teachers' wish lists! it's a huge help.
i want to be very clear that i don't think you are an asshole. just, in this situation, i do think you're the one in the wrong, so... yta.
if your student's teacher is using communal supplies, and you insist on your child having their own, different supplies that are kept in their backpack, then you are creating a potentially huge disruption in how the teacher runs their classroom. let me give you one very common example: every morning, the teacher makes sure that every single student starts the day with two sharp pencils. if a pencil breaks or gets too dull, there's probably somewhere to put it. there is probably also a supply of new, sharp, ready-to-go pencils in case a student manages to break both pencils, but the expectation is that two pencils is enough to get through the day. at the end of the day, either all the pencils are collected, or the teacher just grabs whatever the bucket (or whatever) that dull/broken pencils are put in. they take some time, either after school that day or before school the next morning, to sit down and sharpen all of those pencils and redistribute them. once again, every student has two sharp pencils to start their day with. there are variations on this, of course, but the basic idea is pretty common. (some teachers label the pencils so each student has the same two pencils every day. the teachers who don't do that, and inevitably get a student who chews on their pencils, will keep a few pencils separate that are just for that student so no one else has to touch them.)
now enter your student, with their pencils that you insist they keep in their backpack. the teacher can't make sure those are sharpened every day. there's three ways i can see this going: either (1) your student loses most or all of the pencils fairly quickly, ends up with just a handful of pencils, and inevitably finds that they don't have any sharp pencils right when the teacher is handing out a test; or (2) your incredibly responsible student has a full box of pencils in their backpack, which either you or they sharpen every night, and they keep getting out of their seat all day long to get a new pencil because... they can. or (3) same as the second one, but instead of your kid just randomly switching pencils all the time, they're getting out of their seat to get more pencils because their neighbor wasn't responsible with their two pencils, and your kid is very generous and has become the spare pencil bank for the rest of the class. in that instance, the pencils you bought for your child still somehow end up in circulation with the pencils for the rest of the class.
and believe it or not, all of those can be very disruptive and undermine the teacher. the third one is the least problematic, but you might notice it's the one where the supplies you bought are still, essentially, part of the communal supply.
with things other than pencils, it can get messier very quickly. everyone has crayons that are in the 24 crayon box... except that one kid with 96 crayons in his backpack. maybe your kid is the jerk who shows off to everyone that he has a gold crayon and a silver crayon and robin's egg blue and whatever else, trying to make everyone jealous. or, maybe your kid is really quiet about his extra crayons, but his neighbor says "hey, can i borrow your green? you have a better green for this tree than i have..." and then breaks the crayon, or doesn't give it back, or otherwise causes drama. either way, somebody ends up crying. (at least, in your five-year-old's class, somebody ends up crying. in the nine-year-old's class, you would hope not, but... you never know!)
i do understand that you buy supplies for your child, and it can be a difficult shift in mindset to buy for the classroom instead. i also understand that you have this wonderful tradition with your boys to get them excited for the school year, and who would want to sacrifice that?! but please, keep those exciting supplies for home, and stick to the list exactly for what you send to school. doing otherwise is immediately undermining how the teacher runs their classroom, and probably cancels out a good portion of the positive relationship you could be setting up with the teacher by buying all that stuff on the wish list!
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reading these comments about people pissed they gotta spend their own money for other people's kids supplies... completely ignoring the fact that teachers spend their own money on other people's kids all the time.
be upset at your district. go to meetings and tell them that schools need more money for supplies and teachers need more money in their pockets.
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i don't really agree with the school's plan here but your plan to just ignore it is going to go over very poorly.
right off the bat you'll be see as the difficult parent and your kids as the difficult kids.
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as a prior teacher i wouldn't care about the letter, sorry not sorry. in a classroom, things eventually get mixed up, shared etc. teachers have bigger things to worry about during class, not whether that's johnny's pink crayon that susie is using. but it's a good heads up to the teacher as to what type of parent she will have to deal with. so good job forewarning them.
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yta. the teacher informed you that supplies would be shared. you're causing problems for their classroom why? get them "special" things for home use, but for school, provide the supplies as listed. it's not that difficult if you have the money. the kids can benefit from learning to share this one time.
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nta. schools have been doing this for awhile now and i understand why- some kids can't afford school supplies and this helps. but i ,and other parents, were getting almost monthly emails asking if we could send in more supplies because the class was running low. after the 4th month of this, i told the teacher that why i didn't mind pitching in extra every now and then, , i couldn't afford to send in more pencils, papers, crayons, etc. every month. she tried to shame me saying i could afford it because my kids wore nice clothes to school. i told her i bought the clothes at the thrift shop/goodwill and she shouldn't judge everyone's financial status on what kind of clothes they wore.
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yta- you’re making it unnecessarily difficult for your child and their teacher for no reason other than you just don’t want to. the teacher has these rules for a reason, maybe you don’t like it, but you’re not the one teaching a classroom full of kids all day either. you’re also teaching your kid that it’s ok to break the rules when you just don’t like them. set a good example for them and show respect toward their teacher.
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nta i don't understand why you should have to pay for communal school supplies. if little johnny's mom buys him his own supplies and he uses them faster than the other kids or doesn't take care of them why is then your responsibility to subsidize his school supplies?
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | null | null |
YTA
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NTA
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YTA
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NTA
| 0.295023 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: i - 35m - have two children, 9m and 5m. my littlest one is going into kindergarten and i was so excited to properly include him in our school shopping routine. he's always tagged along with his brother and gotten his own arts and crafts stuff to use at home, of course, but there's a new layer of excitement this year. we always allow independence in choices, as long as it doesn't become inconvenient. for example, if my kid picks out the 120 count crayons, we might redirect him to the 96 count instead since that's easier to carry around in his backpack. other than practicality, we don't try to persuade them in any way. it's always a fun experience and a great way to kick off the school year (and to relieve some of those "oh god my baby is leaving me" fears for my husband and i with our 5yo.) we usually grab quite a few of the items on the teacher's wish list as well and make a point to wrap it up nicely as a little thank you present from our children to the educator that will be spending the year with them. this year upon receiving the school supplies list, there is a note made at the top that all supplies should be exactly as listed on the sheet (such as, a 24 pack of crayons) as all items will be shared with every student in the class. this was confusing for me, as i buy the items specifically for my children. i decided i was going to go through with our supply shopping tradition as normal - never getting anything less than what was required, of course - and send a note with both of my boys that their items would be their own and could be kept in their backpacks as usual. when i expressed this sentiment to those around me (aside from my husband, who was on my side) they weren't very receptive to the idea. aita for not following the rules listed? **
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
i - 35m - have two children, 9m and 5m. my littlest one is going into kindergarten and i was so excited to properly include him in our school shopping routine. he's always tagged along with his brother and gotten his own arts and crafts stuff to use at home, of course, but there's a new layer of excitement this year. we always allow independence in choices, as long as it doesn't become inconvenient. for example, if my kid picks out the 120 count crayons, we might redirect him to the 96 count instead since that's easier to carry around in his backpack. other than practicality, we don't try to persuade them in any way. it's always a fun experience and a great way to kick off the school year (and to relieve some of those "oh god my baby is leaving me" fears for my husband and i with our 5yo.) we usually grab quite a few of the items on the teacher's wish list as well and make a point to wrap it up nicely as a little thank you present from our children to the educator that will be spending the year with them. this year upon receiving the school supplies list, there is a note made at the top that all supplies should be exactly as listed on the sheet (such as, a 24 pack of crayons) as all items will be shared with every student in the class. this was confusing for me, as i buy the items specifically for my children. i decided i was going to go through with our supply shopping tradition as normal - never getting anything less than what was required, of course - and send a note with both of my boys that their items would be their own and could be kept in their backpacks as usual. when i expressed this sentiment to those around me (aside from my husband, who was on my side) they weren't very receptive to the idea. aita for not following the rules listed? ** [/INST] yta - for the reasons others have mentioned, 14 years in the public schools. you don't want to start the year being that parent, you just don't. most classrooms i was in, extra items were simply sent home or not used. may i suggest that you could set up a homework station at home with some of the 'off list' items that your kiddos would like. </s>
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AITA for not trying a bite of my MIL's food even though its considered rude where they're from?
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my husband and i went to a dinner party planned by his mother, presumably just as a little get together. this wasn't the first time i had met them, as we have been married for about a year but this was the first dinner party i've attended. my husband is asian/white, i am african american if that matters. when we get there, everything is going well up until his mother and father announce its dinner time. we help set up the plates, and once everyone sits down my mil announces she cooked a new dish that she's excited for us to try. my husband's family all sit down to eat, including me.
we're about 15-20 minutes into the dinner when my mil taps my shoulder, asking why i haven't made myself a plate yet. i explained to her that i was actually not in the mood to eat but everything looked delicious. she's goes quiet for a second before going on a rant about how she didnt take so long to prepare, grocery shop, cook, and set the meals just for me to not eat any of it.
i looked awkwardly to my husband and he just shrugged, clearly fearful of his mom. one of his cousins chimed into to say that the least i could do is take a small bite, wouldn't hurt. i shook my head, saying my stomach hurt and i would not be forcing myself to eat anything for the sake of anyone's feelings and that i don't just eat anyone's cooking.
mil accused me of accusing her of being unclean, to which i said she was taking my words out of context. she then spat some stuff about how i'm not a good wife to my husband since i absolutely refused to eat asian cooking, and i'm too "american" anyways. i didn't say much back. dinner was pretty awkward after that, and my husband told me that i should have just tried a bite. i told him i hadn't meant to be rude, i was taught by my own mother not to just eat anyone's cooking, and i refused to be forced to eat something i didn't want to eat.
aita?
| 8,159 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pqtged/aita_for_not_trying_a_bite_of_my_mils_food_even/
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2021-09-18 20:05:22
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yta. i don't see how saying "i don't eat just anyone's cooking" could be anything but a insult. did you not know food would be served?
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i really wanted to say n t a but your reasoning of
>i don’t just eat anyone’s cooking
is a special kind of cringeworthy.
i am adamantly against the concept of you must eat the food provided even if you don’t like it for the sake of politeness, but damn your reasoning for not even tasting the food is that your mil cooked it. yeah, that’s just rude, mean, cruel, and tactless.
yta
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yta
who goes to a *dinner party* and doesn’t eat the food?
if you were feeling so unwell that you couldn’t even eat a bite then you should have stayed at home. what you did was rude, frankly bizarre, and you potentially passed on whatever stomach thing you had going on that day, which is inconsiderate. an ah all round.
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[deleted]
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yta. it’s very basic manners to eat a bite of someone’s cooking who graciously invited you over, not just an “asian” thing. also, if you’re invited to a dinner party, you’re supposed to show up ready to eat and hungry.
i also don’t get the “don’t just eat anyone’s cooking.” what does this mean?
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clearly, yta. "i don't just eat anyone's cooking." anyone's? and you wrote that twice!!! did you think your mil was trying to poison you? what an insult!
you are 15-20 minutes into the dinner but you are not in the mood to eat? does the world revolve around you?
"husband is asian/white, i am african american...if that matters." no, it does not matter unless you feel that gives you entitlement...which it does not!
you "hadn't meant to be rude?" omg! i would hate to see what you would have done if you had.
you owe your mil a huge apology. get over yourself and grow up.
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yta if you are not going to eat don’t go to a dinner party. you sound like a snob “i don’t just eat anyone’s cooking” what an entitled asshole.
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yta. why would you go to a dinner party and not eat dinner? you should have declined the invitation instead of making everything all weird. were you implying that she was trying to poison you or something? this is so weird.
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yta! you never ever go to a dinner and refuse to eat, that is profoundly disrespectful. i’m one of the fussiest eaters in history and have battled gagging more than once to eat a meal i didn’t like as when you accept an invitation to a meal you take that risk.
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[deleted]
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YTA
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NTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null | 0.04134 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my husband and i went to a dinner party planned by his mother, presumably just as a little get together. this wasn't the first time i had met them, as we have been married for about a year but this was the first dinner party i've attended. my husband is asian/white, i am african american if that matters. when we get there, everything is going well up until his mother and father announce its dinner time. we help set up the plates, and once everyone sits down my mil announces she cooked a new dish that she's excited for us to try. my husband's family all sit down to eat, including me. we're about 15-20 minutes into the dinner when my mil taps my shoulder, asking why i haven't made myself a plate yet. i explained to her that i was actually not in the mood to eat but everything looked delicious. she's goes quiet for a second before going on a rant about how she didnt take so long to prepare, grocery shop, cook, and set the meals just for me to not eat any of it. i looked awkwardly to my husband and he just shrugged, clearly fearful of his mom. one of his cousins chimed into to say that the least i could do is take a small bite, wouldn't hurt. i shook my head, saying my stomach hurt and i would not be forcing myself to eat anything for the sake of anyone's feelings and that i don't just eat anyone's cooking. mil accused me of accusing her of being unclean, to which i said she was taking my words out of context. she then spat some stuff about how i'm not a good wife to my husband since i absolutely refused to eat asian cooking, and i'm too "american" anyways. i didn't say much back. dinner was pretty awkward after that, and my husband told me that i should have just tried a bite. i told him i hadn't meant to be rude, i was taught by my own mother not to just eat anyone's cooking, and i refused to be forced to eat something i didn't want to eat. aita?
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my husband and i went to a dinner party planned by his mother, presumably just as a little get together. this wasn't the first time i had met them, as we have been married for about a year but this was the first dinner party i've attended. my husband is asian/white, i am african american if that matters. when we get there, everything is going well up until his mother and father announce its dinner time. we help set up the plates, and once everyone sits down my mil announces she cooked a new dish that she's excited for us to try. my husband's family all sit down to eat, including me. we're about 15-20 minutes into the dinner when my mil taps my shoulder, asking why i haven't made myself a plate yet. i explained to her that i was actually not in the mood to eat but everything looked delicious. she's goes quiet for a second before going on a rant about how she didnt take so long to prepare, grocery shop, cook, and set the meals just for me to not eat any of it. i looked awkwardly to my husband and he just shrugged, clearly fearful of his mom. one of his cousins chimed into to say that the least i could do is take a small bite, wouldn't hurt. i shook my head, saying my stomach hurt and i would not be forcing myself to eat anything for the sake of anyone's feelings and that i don't just eat anyone's cooking. mil accused me of accusing her of being unclean, to which i said she was taking my words out of context. she then spat some stuff about how i'm not a good wife to my husband since i absolutely refused to eat asian cooking, and i'm too "american" anyways. i didn't say much back. dinner was pretty awkward after that, and my husband told me that i should have just tried a bite. i told him i hadn't meant to be rude, i was taught by my own mother not to just eat anyone's cooking, and i refused to be forced to eat something i didn't want to eat. aita? [/INST] yta. i don't see how saying "i don't eat just anyone's cooking" could be anything but a insult. did you not know food would be served? </s>
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AITA for propositioning a girl in the gym?
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please hear me out before you judge because while i did say what you’re thinking i didn’t say it in the way you’re thinking.
the gym i go to is very small. not a lot of machines and not a lot of patrons. this means working out fairly close to people even if you don’t mean to. yesterday i (23 f if it makes a difference) was on the extended leg press doing my thing when a girl and her boyfriend began working out on the machine beside me. (one would do a set while the other waited beside them) the girl looked at me, rolled her eyes and muttered to her boyfriend “ugh i hate girls who only come to the gym to get a big ass.”
i shrugged her off, and kept doing my thing. i was on the assisted pull up machine doing an exercise where you put one foot on the pad and push downwards (apologies for not knowing the name, my trainer showed me it so i’m not entirely sure if it’s an actual well known exercise)
the same girl looks at me, tuts and says to her bf “look there she goes again, and her forms terrible.” which is possibly true but she pissed me off.
at this point i call her out. i said “oi, you.” she immediately looked like she shit herself and ignored me. so i called her out again specifically “you in the purple top.”
she turned round and asked what i wanted. the following conversation happens:
me; do you want to fuck me?
her: what?!
me: i said do you want to fuck me?
her: what the fuck is wrong with you?
me: well you keep staring at me, so i’m assuming you either want to fuck me or fight me, so which is it?
she went bright red, grabbed her boyfriends arm and went to the changing rooms. i carried on with my workout and didn’t see them again.
when i told my friend what happened, he said i acted like a dick and that as a woman i should know how much it sucks to be objectified in the gym. he also pointed out that i embarrassed her in front of everyone and ruined her and her bfs work out.
my defence is she should also know how much it sucks to make people make disparaging comments about you in the gym and that she shouldn’t talk shit if she doesn’t want called out on it.
i’ll admit that i’m a pretty confrontational person and i could have reacted better but i also think she should mind her own business.
| 24,415 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bgyfr0/aita_for_propositioning_a_girl_in_the_gym/
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2019-04-24 18:52:54
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nta - she definitely deserved it in my opinion, and good on you for standing up to yourself
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esh - but fuck, that's hilarious and i would have done the same thing, at least i hope i would!
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nta she was messing with your workout by being insecure and trying to tear you down loud enough that you heard it. like, fuck, unless someone's gonna hurt themselves leave other people at the gym alone, she deserved to be embarrassed for breaking this important rule
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nta, i mean you definitely could’ve handled it better but she’s the asshole for talking badly about you behind your back
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esh, but you're entirely justified and you amuse me.
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nta. you didn't objectify her, you just pointed out that she was objectifying you. if you had said what you did out of the blue or if she had just been glancing at you, your friend’s objection would be right.
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nta that was the perfect response
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[deleted]
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yta/shitpost for the post title you used.
nta at all for what you actually did- good for you.
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i would have to say nta. no one likes having people talk about them like that. and who is she to gatekeep gym usage?
granted, your reaction may have been a bit much, but i can understand why you felt the way you did.
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
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ESH
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NTA
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NTA
| null |
YTA
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NTA
| 0.246103 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: please hear me out before you judge because while i did say what you’re thinking i didn’t say it in the way you’re thinking. the gym i go to is very small. not a lot of machines and not a lot of patrons. this means working out fairly close to people even if you don’t mean to. yesterday i (23 f if it makes a difference) was on the extended leg press doing my thing when a girl and her boyfriend began working out on the machine beside me. (one would do a set while the other waited beside them) the girl looked at me, rolled her eyes and muttered to her boyfriend “ugh i hate girls who only come to the gym to get a big ass.” i shrugged her off, and kept doing my thing. i was on the assisted pull up machine doing an exercise where you put one foot on the pad and push downwards (apologies for not knowing the name, my trainer showed me it so i’m not entirely sure if it’s an actual well known exercise) the same girl looks at me, tuts and says to her bf “look there she goes again, and her forms terrible.” which is possibly true but she pissed me off. at this point i call her out. i said “oi, you.” she immediately looked like she shit herself and ignored me. so i called her out again specifically “you in the purple top.” she turned round and asked what i wanted. the following conversation happens: me; do you want to fuck me? her: what?! me: i said do you want to fuck me? her: what the fuck is wrong with you? me: well you keep staring at me, so i’m assuming you either want to fuck me or fight me, so which is it? she went bright red, grabbed her boyfriends arm and went to the changing rooms. i carried on with my workout and didn’t see them again. when i told my friend what happened, he said i acted like a dick and that as a woman i should know how much it sucks to be objectified in the gym. he also pointed out that i embarrassed her in front of everyone and ruined her and her bfs work out. my defence is she should also know how much it sucks to make people make disparaging comments about you in the gym and that she shouldn’t talk shit if she doesn’t want called out on it. i’ll admit that i’m a pretty confrontational person and i could have reacted better but i also think she should mind her own business.
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<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
please hear me out before you judge because while i did say what you’re thinking i didn’t say it in the way you’re thinking. the gym i go to is very small. not a lot of machines and not a lot of patrons. this means working out fairly close to people even if you don’t mean to. yesterday i (23 f if it makes a difference) was on the extended leg press doing my thing when a girl and her boyfriend began working out on the machine beside me. (one would do a set while the other waited beside them) the girl looked at me, rolled her eyes and muttered to her boyfriend “ugh i hate girls who only come to the gym to get a big ass.” i shrugged her off, and kept doing my thing. i was on the assisted pull up machine doing an exercise where you put one foot on the pad and push downwards (apologies for not knowing the name, my trainer showed me it so i’m not entirely sure if it’s an actual well known exercise) the same girl looks at me, tuts and says to her bf “look there she goes again, and her forms terrible.” which is possibly true but she pissed me off. at this point i call her out. i said “oi, you.” she immediately looked like she shit herself and ignored me. so i called her out again specifically “you in the purple top.” she turned round and asked what i wanted. the following conversation happens: me; do you want to fuck me? her: what?! me: i said do you want to fuck me? her: what the fuck is wrong with you? me: well you keep staring at me, so i’m assuming you either want to fuck me or fight me, so which is it? she went bright red, grabbed her boyfriends arm and went to the changing rooms. i carried on with my workout and didn’t see them again. when i told my friend what happened, he said i acted like a dick and that as a woman i should know how much it sucks to be objectified in the gym. he also pointed out that i embarrassed her in front of everyone and ruined her and her bfs work out. my defence is she should also know how much it sucks to make people make disparaging comments about you in the gym and that she shouldn’t talk shit if she doesn’t want called out on it. i’ll admit that i’m a pretty confrontational person and i could have reacted better but i also think she should mind her own business. [/INST] nta - she definitely deserved it in my opinion, and good on you for standing up to yourself </s>
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AiTA for photoshopping a picture of my girlfriend.
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so about a month ago i was talking to guy in work. hes a pretty fit guy like myself and we were talking about gym routines.
id seem a picture of him on facebook and he has almost perfect physic and i was asking his secrets.
he explained to me that it wasnt all him and showed me an app on his phone that he used to edit his pictures and give him that extra boost. the app was free so i downloaded it.
it was pretty good and i showed my gf the pics and she thought they we pretty good too. over the coming weeks i got a bit obsessed about editing pics of myself and then got bored with it, never shared a picture with anyone other then her and the guy in work. one day i was again bored watching some program i eith the gf so started to play with it again. edited myself, the cat and a few pictures of my gf.
even though she is also in good shape ( we gym or so oyher activity ever other day) i gave her a flatter stomach, pinched waste and bigger boobs. after a while id thought i'd done a good job and showed it to her, she was not impressed at all asked why id done it. i explained i was bored with the tv programme and wonder what she would look like with bigger boobs.
she got annoyed tunned of the programme and went upstairs to watch it.
am i the arsehole?
edit.
fristly i think my girlfriend is beautiful. this wasnt for me wanting to change her. i also did other pictures like long arms and making my cat super fat.
we spoke about 30 minutes later and i apologised as i never intended to upset her. we are cool and she knows i think shes beautiful.
i accept it was a bit tastless. i will stick to funny ones in future and only edit myself in "serious" edits.
| 9,503 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/datrrz/aita_for_photoshopping_a_picture_of_my_girlfriend/
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2019-09-29 11:05:49
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yta
if you don't know why you need more help than we can provide.
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yta can you honestly not see why this might hurt her feelings?
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i mean it's kind of yta.
it's like saying "look it's you but i fixed your flaws" or "you're fat" or "you need bigger boobs".
if it was really a bit of fun you might have made a genuinely funny edit, but this just seems a little rude/ insensitive.
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yta. she should've photoshopped a bigger dick on you and told you she was just bored and wanted to see what you'd look like with a bigger dick.
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yta - this is one of those things that women fight against tier whole lives, being compared to impossible and inhuman standards.
no matter what you said, what you did told her
"i don't really love you as you are and wish you were thinner and had bigger boobs. if i do find someone with these features, i'd love them instead of you"
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yeah, yta. despite all your protestations, you seem really unhappy with your own and your girlfriend's physical shape.
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dude.
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yta photoshop these days is a pain in the arse. stick to reality and tell you gf that she is beautiful just the way she is
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yta for not seeing how insulting that would be to your gf. “hey i wish you had bigger boobs so i photoshopped you” is definitely an asshole move. i would apologize for not thinking how it would hurt her.
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yta.
unless you’re completely oblivious, you must know women are constantly bombarded with media about how they could look “better” (aka bigger boobs, round ass, flat stomach, thigh gap, etc.). it’s no wonder she got upset when her own bf did it to her too.
and based on your replies, you’re just justifying your actions rather than accepting peoples judgement. apologize to your girlfriend, man.
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: so about a month ago i was talking to guy in work. hes a pretty fit guy like myself and we were talking about gym routines. id seem a picture of him on facebook and he has almost perfect physic and i was asking his secrets. he explained to me that it wasnt all him and showed me an app on his phone that he used to edit his pictures and give him that extra boost. the app was free so i downloaded it. it was pretty good and i showed my gf the pics and she thought they we pretty good too. over the coming weeks i got a bit obsessed about editing pics of myself and then got bored with it, never shared a picture with anyone other then her and the guy in work. one day i was again bored watching some program i eith the gf so started to play with it again. edited myself, the cat and a few pictures of my gf. even though she is also in good shape ( we gym or so oyher activity ever other day) i gave her a flatter stomach, pinched waste and bigger boobs. after a while id thought i'd done a good job and showed it to her, she was not impressed at all asked why id done it. i explained i was bored with the tv programme and wonder what she would look like with bigger boobs. she got annoyed tunned of the programme and went upstairs to watch it. am i the arsehole? edit. fristly i think my girlfriend is beautiful. this wasnt for me wanting to change her. i also did other pictures like long arms and making my cat super fat. we spoke about 30 minutes later and i apologised as i never intended to upset her. we are cool and she knows i think shes beautiful. i accept it was a bit tastless. i will stick to funny ones in future and only edit myself in "serious" edits.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
so about a month ago i was talking to guy in work. hes a pretty fit guy like myself and we were talking about gym routines. id seem a picture of him on facebook and he has almost perfect physic and i was asking his secrets. he explained to me that it wasnt all him and showed me an app on his phone that he used to edit his pictures and give him that extra boost. the app was free so i downloaded it. it was pretty good and i showed my gf the pics and she thought they we pretty good too. over the coming weeks i got a bit obsessed about editing pics of myself and then got bored with it, never shared a picture with anyone other then her and the guy in work. one day i was again bored watching some program i eith the gf so started to play with it again. edited myself, the cat and a few pictures of my gf. even though she is also in good shape ( we gym or so oyher activity ever other day) i gave her a flatter stomach, pinched waste and bigger boobs. after a while id thought i'd done a good job and showed it to her, she was not impressed at all asked why id done it. i explained i was bored with the tv programme and wonder what she would look like with bigger boobs. she got annoyed tunned of the programme and went upstairs to watch it. am i the arsehole? edit. fristly i think my girlfriend is beautiful. this wasnt for me wanting to change her. i also did other pictures like long arms and making my cat super fat. we spoke about 30 minutes later and i apologised as i never intended to upset her. we are cool and she knows i think shes beautiful. i accept it was a bit tastless. i will stick to funny ones in future and only edit myself in "serious" edits. [/INST] yta if you don't know why you need more help than we can provide. </s>
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AITA for telling my fiance that he ruined our vacation when he decided to take the kids?
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my fiance (41) is divorced, he shares custody of his 11yo & 7yo with his ex wife.
we've planned a vacation to a resort and i took care of all reservations and payment but first i had to make absolutely sure he was free on that date (3 days vacation). he gave me the ok to go ahead and proceed with booking.
2 days before the vacation, his ex called him asking if he'd have the kids after she got into an accident and broke her leg. he took them immediately for the weekend. as soon as i saw them i lost my temper on him. he said it was okay and that he'd either take them with us or postpone. i had a huge argument with him and he said that i was ruining the vacation by this reaction but i told him that he ruined the vacation the minute he took the kids off his ex. i ended up going to stay with my friend after that. he's upset with my reaction saying i'm judging him by his circumstance and making him feel bad for wanting to make sure his kids were taken care of.
edit, look this isn't the first time, he's done this before and caused me to cancel a lot and cost me money and time (off work) as well.
| 11,245 |
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ylg5b4/aita_for_telling_my_fiance_that_he_ruined_our/
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2022-11-03 22:09:17
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yta, he’s a parent first. date a man without kids. you’re not cut out for it, clearly.
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yta - your bf's ex broke her leg \[pretty sure she didn't do this on purpose\] and needed your bf, the father of the two kids, to step up and take care of them. sorry about your weekend plans but his kids needs trump your solo weekend away. that is what vacation insurance is all about.
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[removed]
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yta....
i don't think you are ready to be with a man that has children...
you get some leniency when they hit 18 but these are the rules
kids comes first.
kids come before your spouse, even their parent.
kids come before vacation.
kids come before you buying clothes.
kids come before sleep.
kids even come before eating for quite a few years.
any time you think "he chose his kids over me you runn up to him and give him a great big hug and say thank you for being a great father even though sometimes i can be a raging selfish child".
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yta massively. i'm divorced and have two kids. we have week on week off schedule. my husband and i had plans for this week and next. but last friday my ex found himself in the hospital and we will need to keep my son a few weeks. you know what my husband does? he prays for my ex every night at dinner, checks in with my son, and makes sure we're all ok. he never even mentioned the plans or asked what we were going to do. he knew what we were going to do, and he jumped right in. if my husband had your reaction, man, o don't think i could look past that. i get being disappointed, but look at the circumstances. what is he supposed to do? say though shit to his ex and abandon his kids for a 3 day weekend? if they were your kids is that how you'd want him to handle it???
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yta
his responsibility as a parent come before his needy girlfriend's desires. his ex got in an accident, so yes, as a father, he was more than willing to take care of the kids. they are his priority, not you.
if you want to be with him you need to accept that he and his kids are a complete package. you should at least call and apologize if you want a chance at this relationship (before he thinks it through and dumps you).
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yta. if you were my partner and told me i couldn't have my kids in an emergency, it'd be the last day we were together.
i have 50/50 custody but i'm a dad 100% of the time.
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i have a child from a previous marriage. my ex husband got called away on a work trip last minute, on his week with our son.
i also had plans to go to the lake with my boyfriend for a mini mid week get away.
guess what? my boyfriend insisted we don’t cancel our plans, but in fact include my son, who had a blast btw.
my boyfriend and i hadn’t spent any one on one time together in awhile because of work and kids.
he had no problem with my son being there. all 3 of us had so much fun together.
this post only reminds me just how lucky i am to have the relationship that i have and a man who understands my son is my priority
oh, yeah. yta
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[removed]
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i'll put this as simple as i can...
his. kids.come.first
yta
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
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YTA
| null |
YTA
| 0 |
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice. Conflict context: my fiance (41) is divorced, he shares custody of his 11yo & 7yo with his ex wife. we've planned a vacation to a resort and i took care of all reservations and payment but first i had to make absolutely sure he was free on that date (3 days vacation). he gave me the ok to go ahead and proceed with booking. 2 days before the vacation, his ex called him asking if he'd have the kids after she got into an accident and broke her leg. he took them immediately for the weekend. as soon as i saw them i lost my temper on him. he said it was okay and that he'd either take them with us or postpone. i had a huge argument with him and he said that i was ruining the vacation by this reaction but i told him that he ruined the vacation the minute he took the kids off his ex. i ended up going to stay with my friend after that. he's upset with my reaction saying i'm judging him by his circumstance and making him feel bad for wanting to make sure his kids were taken care of. edit, look this isn't the first time, he's done this before and caused me to cancel a lot and cost me money and time (off work) as well.
|
<s>[INST] <<SYS>>
Classify the interpersonal conflict as either 'you're the a**hole (yta)' when the writer is causing the conflict or 'not the a**hole (nta)' when someone other than the writer is causing the conflict and explain your choice.
<</SYS>>
my fiance (41) is divorced, he shares custody of his 11yo & 7yo with his ex wife. we've planned a vacation to a resort and i took care of all reservations and payment but first i had to make absolutely sure he was free on that date (3 days vacation). he gave me the ok to go ahead and proceed with booking. 2 days before the vacation, his ex called him asking if he'd have the kids after she got into an accident and broke her leg. he took them immediately for the weekend. as soon as i saw them i lost my temper on him. he said it was okay and that he'd either take them with us or postpone. i had a huge argument with him and he said that i was ruining the vacation by this reaction but i told him that he ruined the vacation the minute he took the kids off his ex. i ended up going to stay with my friend after that. he's upset with my reaction saying i'm judging him by his circumstance and making him feel bad for wanting to make sure his kids were taken care of. edit, look this isn't the first time, he's done this before and caused me to cancel a lot and cost me money and time (off work) as well. [/INST] yta, he’s a parent first. date a man without kids. you’re not cut out for it, clearly. </s>
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